#reminder that i love you and i love them ALREADY <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[thrfted]

꩜ DATING MR. SILVAIR .ᐟ

Mix of other + our world headcanons (Italics is in the other world’s language!)

For the anon who requested! Vry glad you liked Mr. Crawling’s, thanks for the trust w Silvair :D Feel like I see him a lot.. nicer..? than most hcs I’ve seen and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad for mebjfhdsfhjd

(seen in ending 3) Mr. Silvair loves studying and learning about you, but he still feels bad if you seem upset or get hurt. If or when he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, he’ll ask what he did and apologize. He values learning about these differences in emotions, communication, perspective, etc.

He isn’t naturally physically affectionate, but he doesn’t refuse your requests or affection! He at least pats your head or back, not letting go until you do (unless he’s got things to do). Initially confused, he admits it feels nice when you hug him and that he’s started looking forward to (or at least expecting) it.

^ You can ask him for a forehead kiss or two, even if he doesn’t get why. He understands that it makes you happy and it isn’t like it’s doing him any harm anyway!  You’ll probably have to show him what a kiss is though. Will he find it amusing if you become flustered kissing him first? Say “Cute”? Probably.

You and Mr. Chopped become close friends too, sometimes (playfully) gossiping to each other about Mr. Silvair while he’s off doing experiments. There’s a few times Mr. Silvair seems to get jealous by the amount of time you guys spend together, especially if he catches you laughing at Mr. Chopped’s antics. He takes initiative and tries to have one-on-one time with you after that.

Maybe he does tie his hair back and we don’t know it, but I think he’d appreciate the idea if you brought it up! Sometimes it’s a half-up look, a simple ponytail, or you braid it back if you want. As long as it’s out of his face and not difficult to take out, he doesn’t mind.

If you enjoy/are comfortable with it, he might ask for your help with experiments, or… you? Your blood sometimes, at least. But he respects you if you’d rather stay away, even if he’s disappointed for a while.

Both of you spend quite a bit of time walking and talking while trying to find a new room when need be. You start to teach him your language, and he uses a few words and phrases when possible.

Mr. Silvair is more focused on experiments rather than interior decoration. But whether you ask to decorate his place in the other world or show him your home in ours, he grows a fondness for your taste. He even brings home things that remind him of you to see if you'll enjoy them.

^ In the same branch, if you bring something you think he’ll like, he takes good care of it, making sure its always somewhere safe!

Of course, he can’t really do the same studies in our world, or at least get his subjects in the same way. Be warned that he may or may not want to go out and find test subjects… somewhere…?

But on the bright side, it’s literally a whole new world! With so much available to him, at least he has other ways to learn than capturing and cutting things or people up.

Mr. Silvair as a good cook / kitchen helper? Really good at cutting up food, even if he doesn’t want to eat it.

In general he’s pretty good around the house! He remembers chores and keeps his space tidy for both your sakes, helping out wherever he can.

His hair is already pretty, but imagine how nice it’d look and feel after a shower! You keep running your fingers through his hair and he tilts his head. “You like? Pretty?” You nod and ask “Me pretty?” and Mr. Silvair smiles. “Pretty.” (Subconsciously, he starts paying closer attention to your hair or appearance, and how you take care of yourself.)

^ He isn’t particular about scents (other than preferring subtler ones) and will likely use whatever you use unless asked otherwise. Don’t expect him to pick up a hair or skincare routine though.

The first few days especially, Mr. Silvair is so focused on seeing and learning as much as possible, that he’ll likely be up late. He doesn’t really get the whole day and night thing, so you have to tell him that rest is good, and that you’re worried for him. “You worried?” “Yes. We rest.” “...Okay.”

His understanding of love is still different from yours, but (I think) he does care about you, and loves you in his own way! He makes sure you’re safe, helps you when you’re injured, and enjoys spending time with you. I’m not sure if he’d say “I love you” (since he doesn’t comprehend what that really means) but he’d at least reassure you that he likes you and finds you interesting :3

^ Though I’ll say if you’re a romance genre fan in our world, he picks up on the usage of “I love you” in media and if it matches his emotions, he might try it out and see how you react

[mullermilkshake]

Heeey, I few days ago i found your blog and I'm absolutely obsessed with your Yakuza!AU, and I was wondering if we can get more of Yakuza Suguru <3

Love your posts btw💞

Thanks so much!!! That's so kind of you to say, I'm literally so obsessed with the AU and there will be TONS of content to come over the next year.

I love Yakuza!Suguru so much it hurts XD

Enjoy some fluffy stuff <3

A gold band

Yakuza!Suguru x Wife!reader Tags: Yakuza AU, Wife reader, Fem reader, twin children, daughters, fluff, guilt, established relationship.

Suguru fiddled with the gold wedding band on his ring finger as the car pulled up to the house outside of Shinkuju. He was running far more than late than he anticipated, by now he was sure the girls were tucked into bed and you were waiting up for him fuming for missing dinner.

How on earth was he going to make up for this?

"Anything else you need before I go, sir?"

"No, that'll be all for tonight Miguel. Be sure to pick me up in the morning to visit the Nanami office though, you know how he likes punctuality."

Suguru opened the car door by himself and slipped out, eyeing the dingy night sky behind a torrent of dark stormed clouds just waiting to unleash its pressure over Tokyo.

Miguel leaned over and wound the window down. "Of course, should I bring breakfast?"

"No, I think I'll have breakfast with my girls in the morning, so just get what you want and head over after. Thanks for everything tonight."

"Sure thing, goodnight."

As the car drove away, Suguru drew in an anxious breath and adjusted the cuffs of his suit. By the time on his watch he had neglected to read on purpose as it would only make things worse, the time read way past the appropriate time to eat.

The depressive point being that by now, Suguru wasn't even hungry any more.

She's going to kill me for this, isn't she? Maybe. But that wouldn't be all that bad, because then he wouldn't have to deal with all this drama currently within the Ryomen clan to his name.

It couldn't be so bad to have his neck squeezed he supposed.

When he approached the front door, it was already unlocked. That wasn't ever a good sign. The lights were off besides the low table lamp in the living area, amber in the corner with warmth, and there you were sitting on the sofa with Mimiko and Nanako resting their sleeping heads on your lap.

"They wanted to wait for you to get back. Nanako threw an absolute fit because you weren't there to read them a story, so I compromised that they could wait."

"I'm sorry, dear. I never intended to be this late."

He knelt down in front of you and took your hand, feeling the same gold band on the same finger. Your body warmed it through, practically burning away at his guilt for leaving you sitting there in an empty room for dinner.

"It's alright, Miguel is quite the charmer when he wants to be," your smile was devious, more likely enough to show that Suguru wasn't in the dog house.

Thank goodness.

"I bet he can, I told him as much to tell you in person that I would be late. I'm counting on that he got his fill of dinner while he was here?"

You nodded slowly, watching the girls sleep. "He spent a little time with he girls before he was called away to the club."

The club was something he didn't need reminding of. The break in, the calculated theft and all round fuckery with Ryomen Sukuna's expectations.

Not tonight.

"So he was fooling around when he should have been working? I'll have him reprimanded immediately."

You stifled your laughter at his sarcasm, pressing your finger to his lips. "Leave the poor man alone."

The fact was Miguel loved the girls. Mimiko and Nanako adored him just as much and by this point in Suguru's life, Miguel was far more than just a fellow Yakuza.

He was true family.

"Daddy?" Nanako rubbed her little eyes and yawed, shifting her head from your lap to sit up and dangle her legs over the edge of the sofa.

"Hello Princess," He opened out his arms and pulled her into an embrace as she leant forward into him. "I heard you gave Mama a hard time when you had to sleep."

Her sleepy little head drooped suddenly as she fought to stay awake. "You were far away... and you promised to read us our book."

"I did, didn't I? I'm sorry I couldn't be there."

"So I ate your cake."

"My cake?"

Scooping Mimiko up who was long since passed out in her heavy dreamed sleep, you watched Suguru stand with such a nurturing smile. "I made cheesecake. The girls demolished it and almost nipped Miguels fingers off. He was lucky to even get a slice."

"I missed cheesecake?"

He missed your matcha cheesecake for that travesty at the club? Your special cheesecake that was his absolute favourite?

Nanako stretched sleepily and clung to his neck. "Uh huh..."

Maybe it was time for Suguru to leave his Yakuza life behind and just beg you to open up a sweet shop so he could taste your baking every day. It was a hell of a lot safer. Though one shop wouldn't pay for this house or the best of everything for his girls.

A pipe dream was better than nothing.

Suguru led the way to the stairs and took each step with you following close behind him. "How about this then? I'll make sure I'm home really early tomorrow and we'll go to the children's park."

"I love the park..." Mimiko's eyes rolled open, she clutched her little doll and snuggled into the crook of your neck.

"I know you do sweetheart, if you two sleep well then maybe you can do that with Daddy tomorrow. But only if you both go back to sleep and be good," you nuzzled back into her and brought your lips to her hair for sweet consecutive pecks.

"We are good... Mama," Nanako's words began to slur.

And by the time you and Suguru reached the girls bedroom, they were out in dreamland once more. They clung to their blankets and toys sprawled across their covers and balled up close with delicate snores and breaths.

Suguru could have watched them all night snoozing away innocently, totally unaware of the horrors and disgusting shit out in the Shinjuku district.

All the unspeakable things their own Father had done.

"Don't do that."

"Hmm?" Suguru turned to see you leaving the bedroom.

"That thing you do when you feel guilty about what you do for a living. Whenever the time comes and they find out, they'll still love you. Just like I do."

"I know you do, just like you always have. I just can't help but wonder what we'll be like in fifteen years."

Will the Yakuza still be the height it had been for the last decade, or would it shift completely? Suguru had two twin girls to think about.

That wasn't to say he didn't enjoy his lifestyle. He did. He grew up alongside his sworn brother and became a man in a way that was respectful. He evolved with you right there next to him.

Still, this wasn't the life he wanted for his girls.

And it was obvious to him that you knew that too. "We'll still be a family, Suguru. That's all that matters, right?"

He only nodded and closed the gap between you to hold you close to him. "I'm sorry I was late, Dear. You and the girls are what matter most to me."

"I know, and there's still some of the night left," you pulled away just a fraction to look up at him. "I managed to sneak a slice of cheesecake away from the girls when they weren't looking."

"You know the way to my heart, don't you?"

"That's one way to your heart for sure. I just so happen to know to you like the back of my hand."

Suguru leant in and pressed his lips to yours, so short and sweet it would have melted the very foundations of the house. "I can't deny that. You're best at reading me like a book when no one else can."

"Besides Satoru I suppose."

You often joked that Satoru was a third member in this marriage. Just the thought made Suguru hide his chuckle into your shoulder as he leant down.

"Yeah, Besides Satoru."

On a night like this, Suguru knew that whatever happened, things would be alright.

Because he had his family.

[amourtoken]

You NEED to do Quinn’s abc’s

YOURE RIGHTTTTT these are so fun I have so many in the drafts lol

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He's the softest ever. Literally ever. It doesn't matter how hard he was fucking you or how rough he got with his words, the second it's over he's already taking on that softie persona again. He'll hold you close and kiss all over your face, complimenting you and praising you for doing so good for him. If you need anything, he'll get it for you, you're not allowed to so much as lift a finger. He always offers up one of his shirts for you so you don't have to go through the effort of getting totally dressed up, you can just throw it on and get back to being curled up in his arms where you really belong.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your eyes are definitely a contender for his favorite part of your body. He's big on eye contact and the way he gets so easily lost in your pretty eyes when you're under him or looking up at him is forever impressive. No view will ever top the sight of you looking up at him through tears while he chokes you on his cock and he stands by that. On himself it's probably his hands, they're versatile and look so nice laced with yours or wrapped around your waist he can't help it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Ik he probably lives off of caffeine and Gatorade but his cum tastes really fucking nice. Salty sweet, not disgustingly bitter like some people (thank god) and he's more than happy to cum in your mouth if you ask nicely

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He really secretly loves being taken care of but he's made it more obvious in recent times tbh. If he comes home exhausted and you wanna ride him while he relaxes and press kisses all over his face, reminding him how much you love him and how much you appreciate him he's thrilled. Sometimes he just needs to be taken care of like he does for everyone else.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's definitely got some experience. The first time you fucked he had you experiencing feelings you never even imagined, it was like he knew your body better than you even did the way he was manipulating you. You imagine he couldn't do that if he were inexperienced but he refuses to elaborate citing "it's the past and what matters is the present" so you try not to think of it too hard.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I'm on the fence abt this one but I think he's a missionary fan lol but he spices it up yk it's not just pure vanilla. He'll throw one of your legs over his shoulders to make sure he hits as deep as he can and rlly if he's energetic youre definitely getting folded into a mating press for sure. Being into cowgirl ig runs in the family cause I'm convinced all 3 of the hughes love having you ride them too.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Hes relatively serious in most instances but it's 50/50. If he's in a rlly good mood he's picking you up to sit you on the kitchen counter, your legs around his waist while his face is against your neck and you can feel him smiling against your skin between kisses. He can be rlly light hearted till things get too heated then he sort of loses himself in the moment.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I really don't think he cares too much about it but for your sake he doesn't let it get too out of control yk? He's definitely not shaving entirely ever but it's just enough.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Honestly there's really two sides to Quinn, he's either the softest most attentive and sweet lover you've ever had or he's choking you out in the sheets and taking out every ounce of aggression stored in his body on you. Typically it completely depends on how he's been playing but there's some nights where he comes home off a loss and just wants you to ride him and tell him he's doing a good job and that you love him. More often than not he's being as generous as possible and making you cum in every way he can think while he drowns you in kissed though, he's a hopeless romantic for sure.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't really feel the need to now that you're around but before you moved in with him he'd do it on occasion. It was never really a big thing for him in the first place, but if he were really needy he'd do it just to do it. Nothing rlly special about it though. He'd much rather you jack him off now if anything, bucking his hips against your smaller hand is so much nicer than fucking his own fist to the thought of you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

facesitting for sure. Pls god just let him eat you out for hours till he's satisfied. Other than that I think exhibitionism lightly like I say next.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

If he has the choice he'll always pick his bedroom first but dare I say Quinnifer is into a Lil bit of exhibitionism? He'll fuck you on the deck of the lake house, his car, the locker room at practice if he's feeling extra adventurous, rlly anywhere given the right opportunity tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You as a whole gets him going but if he sees you dressed up for an event or wearing one of his jerseys he's automatically dragging you back to bed. Seeing you cheering for him at games and making it incredibly known that you're all his thats rlly what does it for him. You're his girl and he'll never get enough of how proud you are of it.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He's never gonna hurt you. He has absolutely no desire for pain play of rlly any kind and sure he'll choke you or slap your ass if you want but he's not gonna rough you up too hard. He finds no joy in you being in anything but pure bliss.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He would happily die buried between your legs but good god the feel of your mouth on him is worth giving everything up for too. LOVES 69 cause it's the best of both worlds but ultimately he's eating you out for his own pleasure and he doesn't need you to suck him off at all if you don't wanna. He gets off by giving.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

TYPICALLY he's pretty sensual, takes his time with you and draws out your pleasure as much as he can but if he's coming home off a loss or a tough practice and the whole day has been stomping his nerves, he's fucking you to your absolute limits. That's when you get dom Quinn for sure, but the aftercare is so worth it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Theyre pretty common unfortunately bc he's always running around to practices or media presences. If he can get it in with you he's going to and he'll make up for it later with a longer session.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Like i said, he loves a lik exhibitionism and gets off knowing you technically could be caught but you're always just fast enough or far away enough to get away with it. If there's something you wanna try, he's open to everything at least once and he'll never turn you down unless he's worried about your safety. Consent is sexy.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can go as long as you can handle him tbh, he's he's athlete so his stamina is fantastic. Some nights he's just too tired to go multiple rounds though and can you blame him?? He's on his feet all day.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any before he met you but he's definitely a big fan of remote vibrators now cause he can bring you to your knees across a room and act like he has absolutely nothing to do with it. He's evil. Anything he can use to his advantage to help make you feel the best you can hes very happy to use.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's the fucking king of teasing and you've learned not to dish out what you cant take cause if you think your teasing is bad, Quinn will bring you to tears. If he's feeling evil enough he'll fuck your thighs just to get himself off and have you continue waiting till he feels like you deserve to cum.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Hes less of a loud moaner and more of a groaner if that makes sense. He'll bury his face in your neck and all you can hear are strangled growls and his voice breaking against your skin. He's very mouthy though, he'll praise you till his last breath and make sure you know he loves how you feel.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Would be willing to share you with Jack or Luke for a night. Refuses to elaborate further. (Maybe he's planning something? Your bday is coming up isn't it?)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Mans is ABSOLUTELY packin for sure. 7ish inches probably? He's thick and heavy in your hand and the pretty pink tip leaks when you stroke him (i need him so fucking bad). He's also got this thick vein that runs up the side and the sounds he makes when you lave your tongue over it are downright pornographic

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He's so head over heels for you there's genuinely never a moment rlly where he'd turn you down. Even if he's exhausted at the very least he'd love for you to ride his thigh and make out with him just so he could hear the sounds you'd make. He's always looking at you with all the love in the world in his eyes and it's so sweet :(

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Immediately if he had it his way cause usually he's had an insanely long day prior and just wants to crash but he always takes time to get some good aftercare in for you no matter what.

[peachhcs]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/768315021606469633/httpswwwtumblrcompeachhcs768260981215330304

oh my god. i love them so much and im so glad they are doing better!

mack is so fucking funny… wait till he sees all the scratch and hickeys all over will…

part 12/slight bonus! writing macklin's dialogue and banter is my favorite thing to do bc he obviously loves will and samy and loves to poke fun at will about every single thing

au masterlist

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11

"sooo, tell us about your weekend," thomas asked as soon as he got the chance once practice was over for the day on monday. the others circled in aroun him and the blonde just as curious to know too.

will flushed from where he sat at his stall cleaning himself up and preparing for a shower, "it was really good. we had a lot of fun."

"you gotta bring her to one of our parties. we're dying to meet her after hearing so much," eklund cut in with a little smirk.

the sharks players had been itching to meet samy since they found out she was their rookie's longtime best friend and girlfriend. they'd only heard stories and seen the photos.

"yeah, maybe next time or when she comes to a game," will hummed, glad his teammates were eager to meet her. it reminded him of boston and his linemates who were also was excited to meet samy when they moved to plymouth.

"how much fun did you guys really have?" thomas poked some more obviously just in good fun, but also to tease the blonde.

"let's just say will's passenger seat was not in the right position when i got into it," macklin cut in before will could answer.

the bonde's face quickly burned in embarrassment as he eyed his friend to shut up.

"woah..did you guys go at it?" thomas continued along with a few snickers from the others around them.

"maybe," will tried playing it off. he didn't mind the teasing, but he did kind of mind telling them about his sex life because obviously, that was a pretty intimate and private topic that he wasn't going to willingly share with everyone.

"aw, come on. don't be shy. you totally did," ecklund roughed up will's arm in a teasing manner. all the hockey player did was shake his head slightly and play it off with a smile.

they seemed to lay off for now which will was grateful for. he escaped back into the showers to clean himself off and get out of the rink before anyone else wanted to poke at him about his weekend.

by the time him and macklin got back into his car, most of the guys were gone already so the blonde evaded anymore questions they had. the two threw their stuff into the back and then got themselves situated in the front seats.

as will messed around with some things before starting the car, he didn't realize his shirt had ridden up and exposed a bit of his back. macklin was adjusting himself and snapping his seatbelt into place when his eyes caught sight of will's exposed skin and then the slight red.

"woah, you take too hot of a shower or something?" the brunette wondered to which will grew confused.

"huh?"

"your back is like red. you good?"

still, will was confused so he reached around to touch his back where the skin was exposed. he felt around, not feeling anything tender, but his fingers did brush over a line of raised skin.

"just let me see for a second," macklin offered, wanting to make sure his friend was okay. he helped will lift his shirt up more and that's when he saw more red marks running up and down will's back like someone attacked him.

"holy fuck, why is your back all scratched up?"

as soon as the question left his lips, macklin immediately knew and will remembered at the same time. the brunette scrunched his nose up, "dude, what the fuck. this too? jesus, how hard did you go this weekend?"

the blonde's face flushed in more embarrassment as he quickly pulled his shirt all the way down. "what? we didn't go that hard," will defended himself.

"how many times did you even fuck? i knoew the car was 1," macklin raised his eyebrow and will seriously couldn't believe he was having this conversation again.

"i guess 3. the other 2 were in my room," he admitted a bit sheepishly.

"oh my god. you're disgusting. remind me to never be in the same house as you two.," macklin shook his head like he was some disappointed dad hearing all of this.

"hey. if you had a girlfriend right now, i know you'd be the exact same, so i don't wanna hear it," will rolled his eyes.

"please tell me that's it. please tell me i'm not gonna discover anything else remaining from this weekend that has to do with that," macklin made a circular motion with his hand towards will, a look of disgust still on his features.

"there's hickeys on my chest, but that's it. swear it," will watched macklin roll his eyes hearing that.

"jesus christ, smitty. you guys are hornyyy, wow. i gotta go home and drink bleach so i never think of this again," the brunette shook his head which earned him the middle finger as will finally pulled out of the parking lot.

"you're so over dramatic. what happens when you get a girlfriend?"

"we won't be as horny as you two," macklin shot right back without mssing a beat.

"and what happens if you guys end up having to do long distance and don't see one another for weeks on end?" will raised his eyebrow.

"that will be none of your business," the younger boy crossed his arms.

"right. can't wait to see the hickeys on you then. i'll tease you all about it," the blonde grinned and macklin shoved him.

it was safe to say neither of them talked about the occurrences in will's car ever again. or at least until samy came back to visit. the younger brunette made sure to stay far, far away while she was in town again.

[amuseoffyre]

Fyre's convention adventures - Day 3 - Con O'Neill's Fanmeet

My final meet of the event was Con’s, immediately after the joyful chaos of his panel with Rhys.

Forewarning, this one contains some details of animal harm that happened to his pet before he got him.

He barely had sat down when someone asked if he’d been Whammed already and the look of feigned shock and “that’s none of your business!” set the tone of the thing :D He also told us in his best encouraging voice "You can be whammed as much as you like and don't let the right wing tell you otherwise!"

And also led into a discussion about whether it was Wham! or whether it was George Michael’s solo for Last Christmas and he had to sheepishly back down after a minute and admit, no, it was Wham, definitely Wham.

And of course, I had to bring up accent stuff and asked how it felt to actually be able to use his own accent, given how rarely northern English accents show up in media made elsewhere. He said it was a delight to be able to bring a bit of Wigan to the production.

He also talked about his drama teacher when he was a kid (who he did not name because she doesn’t deserve that respect) who – when he was sixteen – told him he would never be a successful actor because he had a weird voice. There was apparently a recent review for The Penguin series that someone said he had the coolest voice and he thought that was a lovely fuck you to that malignant boot.

He made a beautiful point that if you’re a teacher, especially a teacher in a creative field, you have a duty to be encouraging. Not talking BS about how everyone will be famous, he said, but realistic, supporting and encouraging the kids, because “we know it’s hard. We don’t need to be told it’s hard. We know, but when it’s good, it’s fucking amazing”. He also mentioned that it’s come so far from the days of RP everywhere.

I said it was definitely how I felt about seeing Buttons as well – having a working class Edinburgh accent, something that so many people have never heard. He was so happy to talk about how fantastic Ewen Bremner is as an actor (“even if I can’t understand anything he’s saying”) and that he saw him in the original run of the Trainspotting stage production in the 90s when Ewen played Renton, several years before the film happened.

It was surreal, he said, to have seen this incredible actor on stage and thirty years later, to be sharing the screen with him as Buttons (“and still not understanding a word he was saying!”) and that Ewen is genuinely one of the best actors he knows and that he’s also the best kind of people.

Someone asked about how they did the seagull stuff with Buttons and he told us about Jonathan, the gull on a string, but in the shots when they didn’t have the camera on Buttons, Ewen wore a stuffed seagull on his head to maintain the right eyelines. He had to admit it was quite challenging to keep his face straight when filming because when Ewen spoke, the plushie gull was jiggling on his head XD

And then, of course, he broke our hearts by telling us about how he and his husband adopted Cooper, their wee doggo.

Their previous dog had passed and they’d been adamant they weren’t going to adopt again because it fully broke their hearts when he died, but someone sent Con a picture of a dog in a shelter in Hungary, saying “does this remind you of anyone?” and it was the spitting image of their previous dog. They got a bit emotional about it and after a few days of trying to hold off, they called the shelter.

Cooper had already been adopted – in London – but it wasn’t working out, so they got in touch with the current owners and planned to go down and meet them. The first time Cooper saw them, he started barking excitedly and things only escalated :D

They took Cooper off for a walk to see how they got on, then got so distracted comparing selfies, that Cooper trotted off and they were so panicked about losing him that they rushed back to tell the current owners, only Cooper was there, patiently waiting on the step and ecstatically started barking when he saw them coming again.

So they go in and Con said he took one of the ladies aside to find out why the adoption hadn’t worked, because they needed to know why in case it was major behavioural things that needed work. She said that the dog was incapable of love or connecting with people. And Con, looking beyond her shoulder, could see his husband on the floor, dog on his chest, wagging his tail so enthusiastically his whole body was wagging, licking Con’s husband all over his face. Con be like MMHM. Sounds like a skills issue ;)

So they took him home but got a bit concerned when he had a tendency to bite and latch on if people touched his ears or ribs. Turned out Cooper had been horribly abused in Hungary: tattoos on his ear, broken ribs, cigarette burns and surgery without anaesthetic. They were worried it could be a problem because they have young grandkids.

Still, they decided do the trial adoption and see how he got on – usually, he said, the trial is for a week or two, then the dog returns to the original adopters and then the paperwork is done. They never saw the original adopters again.

And while they were still concerned about the biting, Con had to go away for work for a few weeks, so they got a dog-sitter in to look after Cooper. When Con returned, he said Cooper crawled along the floor of the hall on his belly to Con, head and ears down, then crawled all the way up under his shirt, curling up against his chest, trembling and whimpering. The dogsitter – who is some kind of pet psychologist as well – said it was because he’s been abandoned and dumped so many times, he didn’t know they were coming back.

Con: right that second, I decided fuck the grandkids, we’re keeping him.

And now, Cooper is so happy and safe and loved and safe :)

There was one other question but I can’t recall what it was now. It was such a lovely chat and he is genuinely such a lovely, warm, funny guy.

[rhiannonsknife]

── ❆ DAY 01: christmas with rhiannon lewis

— summary: your first christmas with rhiannon hcs.

— warnings: mostly just fluff. established relationship. gn!reader. some nsfw below the cut. fem!reader for the nsfw hcs. mdni. based on a request from 🦔 anon.

— a/n: it‘s december 1st, you know what that means….

rhiannon, who used to hate christmas.

growing up, christmas was more of a reminder of what rhiannon didn’t have than a celebration. her dad obviously tried his best, but the lack of warmth from anyone else in her life left her feeling even more lonely than usually. she hated the way other kids would brag about their perfect holidays, their picture-perfect family moments that felt so far out of reach to her. her kill lists, around that time of the year, mostly consisted of everyone who’s even remotely excited for christmas: the people who work at the supermarket and start putting up christmas decor mid-october. the tourists who come for the holidays and make going out a living hell. the coworkers who care enough to organize a mini christmas party that i will have to attend to…

rhiannon, who still hates christmas when you come into her life.

she might even openly scoff at your initial attempts to bring up christmas plans to her. “it’s all a load of crap, isn’t it? people pretending to be nice for a few weeks when they’re awful the rest of the year”. “not much of a christmas person?” you ask in return. your joyful tone is irritating her already. she’s been avoiding the holiday whenever possible; no decorations, no presents, not even festive movies. but that was all before you.

rhiannon, who actually changes her mind because of you.

the first time she reluctantly agrees to celebrate christmas with you, rhiannon is wary to say the least. she’s convinced it’ll either be over-the-top, fake, or just another day of her feeling like an outsider in someone else’s happiness. by then, you’ve obviously figured out why rhiannon hates christmas so much and you’re determined to change her mind. you’re careful with your plans, though, wanting to make her feel comfortable rather than overwhelmed. whether it’s a quiet evening for just the two of you or inviting her to your family’s celebration, you make it clear that she’s not a guest: she’s part of everything.

decorating the whole house with rhiannon.

when you show up with a large stack of boxes on her doorstep in late november, rhiannon tries to talk you out of the idea the second she spots tinsel poking out of one of them. “it’s not even december yet” she cries as you carry them down the hall. you just hush her and set them down. “it’s almost december”. regardless of her first reluctance, she’s surprisingly easy to convince, thanks to your enthusiasm. within minutes, she’s tangled in christmas lights, grumbling about how “this better not end up on your instagram.” turns out that rhiannon takes decorating surprisingly seriously, adjusting ornaments until they’re “just right” and pretending she doesn’t care when she actually loves the process. you catch her smiling as she hangs a particularly sparkly ornament, feeling like a kid all over again. in the end, the whole house looks more festive and lively than she has ever seen. (which lowkey heals her inner child <33)

also: getting rhiannon an advent calendar!!

you surprise her with an advent calendar on the last day of november. at first, rhiannon doesn’t get the point of it. “what’s the big deal? it’s just chocolate” by day 3, she’s fully invested, and you catch her sneaking ahead to open more than one door at a time. if the calendar has little trinkets or personalized notes, she gets flustered but cherishes each one. by the time she realizes you’ve put so much thought into it, she’s hooked and already begs you for another one next year!

christmas shopping with rhiannon.

well she’s obviously the type who will roll her eyes at the sight of overly commercialized christmas displays, muttering something under her breath about how “it’s just a cash grab” or how “no one actually needs a twelve-foot inflatable santa” and, sure, she’s got a point but she does enjoy getting presents for you!! rhiannon genuinely wants to make christmas special for you, even if she doesn’t say it outright. present shopping, though? now that’s a whole ordeal. it’s been ages since she’s shopped for someone she truly cared about, and the pressure is on. she overthinks every little decision. if you go shopping together, she drags you to every possible store to “just look” but you know she’s subtly trying to figure out what stuff you like the most so she can surprise you later. as you browse the aisles, you notice the way her eyes flicker to everything you touch or linger on a little too long. when she finally picks one out for you and hands it to you later, you obviously end up loving it! that’s only when her worried expression turns into the softest, most genuine smile. “see? told you i’m good at this!”

speaking of going out together: christmas markets with rhiannon!

rhiannon grumbles the entire way to the market, hands stuffed deep into her jacket pockets as she complains about how crowded it’s going to be. “do we really have to do this? it’s just overpriced junk and pushy people,” she mutters, though she doesn’t stop walking beside you. still, you’re determined to give her the whole couple’s christmas experience. rhiannon does change her mind, kind of, when you reach your destination; surrounded by twinkling fairy lights and the warm smell of roasted chestnuts, her eyes betray her. she keeps up her indifferent act at first, sticking close to your side and offering sarcastic commentary about the stalls. but then she spots a table filled with handmade ornaments or vintage trinkets (or maybe sylvanian families…) and suddenly she’s not so aloof anymore. when you finally stop for hot chocolate, rhiannon insists she’s only getting one because it’s freezing, not because she actually wants it. but the way she lights up when they hand her a cup piled high with whipped cream and sprinkles says otherwise.

baking christmas cookies with rhiannon.

you obviously have to convince rhiannon to bake cookies with you, and though she claims she’s “not a baker,” she quickly gets competitive about who can decorate their cookies better. tink would probably constantly get in the way, trying to steal a bite, and rhiannon has to put her back down to the floor time and time again. also: from the moment you start, rhiannon makes it clear that she’s not taking this as seriously. she insists on tasting the dough (“quality control,” she claims with a wink as she dips her finger into the bowl) and keeps sneaking bites until you swat at her hand. she might even flick flour at you if you ever try to scold her for it. when the cookies finally go into the oven, the chaos settles. you sit on the counter, letting your legs dangle as the warm scent of cinnamon and sugar fills the air. rhiannon leans against the counter between your knees, her hands lightly resting on your thighs as you talk and laugh. suddenly, and with no warning, she leans up and kisses you, her lips warm and sweet from the dough she’s been sneaking. “now, what was that for?” you ask, a little breathless and smiling against her mouth. rhiannon shrugs. “my reward for all my hard work, obviously”

rhiannon who’s terrible at wrapping presents.

and when i say terrible i mean it! she might know how to work her way around knives but give her a roll of tape and wrapping paper, and suddenly she’s out of her depth. the tape ends up everywhere but where it’s supposed to go and the wrapping paper is a mess: there’s tape stuck to her fingers, uneven cuts of paper barely covering the gift, and an entire corner left exposed. at least her effort is endearing. also rhiannon who lowkey gets so unnecessarily angry at the wrapping paper and/or the tape (probably both, let’s be real). when the tape decides to stick to itself instead of where it’s supposed to go, rhiannon snaps, tossing the mangled roll onto the table with a growl. “stupid piece of- why does anyone even do this?!”you have to turn away so she won’t see you giggling…it’s simply too endearing to watch someone so capable be so thoroughly defeated by something as mundane as wrapping paper. when she starts yelling at the paper itself, calling it “cheap” (amongst other words starting with c) and accusing it of conspiring against her, you can’t hold it in anymore. you turn away, this time, biting your lip to keep from laughing out loud, but rhiannon catches you anyway. “oh, you think this is funny, huh?” she snaps, crossing her arms. when you finally face her, your giggles spilling out, she can’t help but crack a smile. “maybe i should just leave the gift unwrapped,” she grumbles, handing you the mess in defeat. “here. you do it. i’ll just…supervise” and supervise she does: leaning over your shoulder, her chin resting on top of your head, as you salvage her disaster. every so often, she’ll mumble something about how ridiculous the whole tradition is and how she’ll dig up the grave of whoever invented it to kill them all over again.

rhiannon’s reaction to being genuinely spoiled for the first time though <33

she doesn’t expect you to get her anything: she’s not used to people going out of their way for her. at first, she hesitates, eyes scanning the gifts with a look of disbelief, like they’re some kind of elaborate joke. rhiannon crosses her arms, giving you an almost embarrassed smile. “you didn’t have to do all that for me,” she mutters, her voice low and uncertain. she looks almost as though she expects the presents to vanish if she reaches for them, like she isn’t allowed to accept something so genuine. her expression softens more and more as she opens each gift. whether it’s something practical, sentimental, or simply ridiculous, she’ll treasure it all the same because it came from you! (also; getting her a new set of knives??)

bringing rhiannon to your family’s annual christmas celebration!!

she’s stiff at first, unsure how to fit in and overwhelmed with the idea of not knowing what to do and how to act. but when she sees how warmly they welcome her, it’s clear that she’s not used to this kind of genuine affection. she might even retreat to another room for a moment to collect herself, embarrassed at how emotional she feels. when you find her there, hiding in your childhood bedroom, you’re so worried at first. “we can go” you offer, already reaching for your coat. “i’m sorry, i didn’t know this would be too much for you”. “no” rhiannon assures, gently shaking her head. “no, it’s not. it’s just- everyone’s so nice. i always thought it was just…for other people. not me” you reassure her that this isn’t a one-time thing: this is her new normal now. rhiannon belongs here, with you, and you’ll make every christmas just as special for her!! <3

rhiannon and all the small, sweet moments leading up to christmas.

on cold nights, she’ll always insist you take her coat or scarf to keep warm. people are not the only dangers rhiannon will keep you safe from. other nights, after a long day, the two of you sit together, gluing glitter onto homemade ornaments for the tree. rhiannon’s ornaments end up a little…wonky (some are lopsided, others are more glitter than wood) but they’re hers, and that’s all that matters. you also notice that she, despite her insistence that she “hates christmas music,” begins to hum along with the songs playing on the radio as you decorate the tree. she tries to cover it up too but you definitely caught that line of “last christmas” slipping from her lips. you also surprise her by getting some stupid santa hat for tink. at first, she rolls her eyes and calls it stupid, but the sight of her little dog in festive gear has her quietly giggling.

— some nsfw below. mdni.

surprising rhiannon with a christmassy lingerie set.

as cliche as she might find it at first, her mouth does water at the sight of you when you call her into the bedroom, where she finds you in a lacy, red lingerie set. it clings to your body just right and the thin fabric leaves little to her imagination. “merry christmas. you grin at her. “i thought you might like this. a little something for the occasion…” you’ve got one hand propped up on your hip, the other beckoning her over. god, she doesn’t have to be told twice; instantly tumbling towards the bed to join you. that night, rhiannon is all over you, taking her sweet time to take each lacy item off as she runs her hands all over your body. “it’s like unwrapping a present” she grins sheepishly as she kisses down your stomach, fingers teasingly brushing underneath the lacy hemline and pressing against your clit before dragging the panties down with her teeth.

rhiannon who uses christmas as an opportunity to gift you new things to try out.

maybe it’s her first time trying out strap-on sex. she’d be so shy to bring it up, blushing furiously while her hand is fumbling with the bag in which she keeps her purchase. “we don’t have to” she mumbles nervously. “i just thought it could be- eh- fun”. you roll your eyes affectionately, taking the bag from her to finally see what she’s keeping inside. your jaw drops a little bit when you pull out the dildo, a bottle of lube and a harness. “look-” rhiannon says quickly “we can just pretend this never happened if you don’t like it, okay?” but you do like it. so much, in fact, that you have to put it on her immediately and the two of you spend christmas eve in bed together, trying out various new positions: you suck rhiannon off for the very first time, and she finally gets what all the hype was about when she sees you on your knees before her, running her fingers through your hair as you choke on the strap. then, she asks you to ride her. and this time, she actually has both hands free to do whatever while she can watch you bounce, which rhiannon makes good use of: she roams your whole body, eagerly groping your breasts, holding your hips and rubbing your clit. by the end of the night, you’re shaking all over and fall asleep in her arms.

post celebration sex with rhiannon.

when you fall into bed together after a long, but great day of festivities, you’re both way too full of pent-up energy to go to sleep. instead, you use the other as an outlet for said energy: you go from cuddling lovingly, to slowly grinding against each other underneath the thick blankets, warming up in the freezing cold room. slowly kissing down her body or having her sit on your face, giggling quietly when your old bed won’t stop squeaking with every single move, in spite of your attempts to be quiet. literally worshipping every inch of her skin your mouth can reach, showing her just how grateful you are that she came along and that she’s here with you now.

food play with rhiannon guys…

it’s another one of those times when she uses christmas as an excuse to get something new: she buys an insane amount of those chocolates, knowing that she will enjoy it and that, if you’re not down for it, she’ll probably eat it either way. you, however, are very much down for it, as it turns out. it’s an odd sensation, at first, when rhiannon begins to pour the melted chocolate down your belly. it makes you shiver a little bit and she puts a hand on your waist steadily. “everything okay?” she asks, always careful with trying new stuff. “mhm” you whisper, arching your back up. rhiannon takes it as a sign and carefully puts her mouth on you. she’s kissing down the entire expanse of your stomach, licking off the sweetness as she goes. it’s a new feeling, to say the least, but not one you dislike. rhiannon hums happily, broad tongue pressing against your skin. maybe she puts it on your chest next, swirling her tongue around your nipples to get everything off of your skin, not even realizing that -at this point- you need more than just her mouth on your torso, and that you’re bucking your hips because it feels so good yet not enough.

— masterlist

[luckyyyduckyyy]

THANKSGIVING MOOTIE APPRECIATION ❤️✨❤️

Happy thanksgiving y'all! And a good time zone to all my non-US/non-Turkey day havers lovelies!

Tis the season of thanks and I'm a very thankful goober this year! I only started getting active on Tumblr about half a year ago and there's already so many people and things I'm grateful for from this site alone! I've enjoyed so much art and events, participated in yap seshes, tag games, and ultimately felt pretty welcomed and at home on this site, and it's thanks to all you! <3<3<3

Special thanks to the DCA fandom in its entirety as well! All the discussions, artists, writers, and shared reposts with all the silly notes are awesome! Y'all inspire me all the time and make me wish I was more outgoing than I am just so I can say hello to each and every one of you!!!!

The list gets long, so for the sake of those scrolling by, I have put it below! Have a lovely day everyone! <3333

@midnight-mourning Your writing is just wonderful. It's everything!!! I adore it so much and your CS boyos have wormed their way into my heart and refuses to leave. Some of my favorite songs even remind me of them! (Don't tell Moon this but I am very attached to CS Sun-)(Honestly gotta be my favorite Sun I've read fr fr) Also! Thank you for just being so supportive, thinking about me in tag games, and giving ALL the tag notes! They're a wonder to read and have me bounce off the walls! I'm always so happy we're mooties! ❤️❤️❤️ (Also, fun fact, you're my first mutual too! It's insane to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN GUAHPHIAHDKA)

@pointyfruit You! Your art? Muah, wonderful. I don't even care if it's not dca related because it's so good. The shape language, art style, and just unique takes on just anything and everything blows my mind! Let's not forget COLORS. Oml they are so PRETTY. It's like an explosion I never want to end. 💥💥💥 Also! So goofy, so silly, and COTL enjoyer! Let's GOOOOO!!! I don't engage with the fandom much but I DO love the game and honestly I almost beat it, but still have not because I don't wanna do the final boss fight. It can't be over bros... Anyways when I see your posts I always wanna just wave like a neighbor seeing ya blow up 10 boxes of fireworks on a casual Tuesday afternoon. 👋👋👋:D

@divinit3a SPINS YOU!!! 🐶🐕🐶 Heya silly meister! In the midst of reading your work, gotta say? Muwah, Perfecto! The sillies are putting me on a rollercoaster and I'm stuck on the ride! While my ability to yap is a coin flip every hour, you happen to bring the yappening out of me with all the fun notes and posts you do--We've already had so many fun convos! Speaking of posts, the art is peak and will STAY peak! The designs? Muwah. The colors? Muwah. You make even the creepiest of goobers hauntingly beautiful! We've may not have known each other for long, but you're someone I look forward to seeing on my dash/notifications every time I open the app! ❤️❤️❤️

@sinister-sincerely Hi!!!! I'm still sometimes in awe realizing we're mutuals! I really love your work and if I'm in the mood to read something but I don't know what, I tend to turn to Aftersome often, even though I've read both the og and the rewrite! It's like you're the master of writing angst, bitter unrequited feelings, and the strange tenseness but want of confusing relationships. It's gut wrenching and I wish I could write something so evoking! All your stories are amazing and I seriously hope you know that, they're such heavy hitters that they have marked a place in my memory. ❤️ Your art too is wonderful! They don't pop up often but when they do it's a real treat! I love that you use grey scale in a lot of your works and the style is just so pleasing to look at. Whenever I see the DCA in your style I wanna give them the biggest hugs, even if they'd pry me off seconds later! ✨✨✨

@r0b0s-robos / @r0b0-wannabe Waving at you excitedly!!! It's always a pleasure to see your reposts, you always find the good stuff! Plus, you always are trying to help out others and it's amazing to see, your efforts are able to make great impacts. :333 You're also another writer I appreciate immensely, and I'm so invested in your botanist au. The sillies and their botanist who is desperately trying not to fall in love with them!!! ADORE THEM!!! I can't wait to read more! ❤️❤️❤️ The times you post about writing ideas or silly things about the DCA has me nodding my head with a smile. Also, the little notes you leave in tags, despite usually being brief, always makes me so happy! It's like seeing the kind stoic look at you from their seat, let out a small smile, and say "I love this"- and then suddenly it's a blast of blinding white light of endearment straight to my heart. K.O.!

@chickenchirps27 Welcome back!!! I've noticed you've been much more active recently and it's always fun to see what you got goin on! Obligatory art mention, but it would be criminal to NOT mention it. ITS!!! AMAZING!!! THEY LOOK LIKE ROCK CANDY!!! Colors!!! I love it so much, the goobers look delicio- I mean they look adorable and masterfully crafted in each piece of art! And your sona, ugh, she's so gorgeous and alien in the best ways possible. I've never seen anything like her and I am in awe of how you came up with all her little details. Those mantis arms are SICK and I want them!!! (Though drawing may be a little hard if I had em-)✨✨✨

@amarynthian-fortress / @amarynthian-chronicles Hehehe! Boops you! >:D Honestly, thank you for always being the biggest sweetheart around and being so welcoming. You're one of the people that made me feel able to crack my shell more and be more active on here! Your writing is whimsical, your reposts and comments are always so kind and feel-goody, and you just always show you care and the randomest times! Catch me off guard why don't you! I love all the snippets and treats you post, and I'm saving many of your stories to read for rainy days! ❤️❤️❤️

@ping-ski My reaction to us becoming mutuals was- 💥💥💥:OOOOO💥OO💥💥 I think I've followed you right when I started getting active on here and gah, your art is wonderful. So lovely, stylized, and colored so simply yet so appealingly that I can't stop looking. Your aus make me want to read them and their designs are always top tier! Also, I cannot forget to mention you are SILLAY!!! So silly! Your comments on reposts are goofy and I love to read them whenever they come up on my dash! Not to mention your own posts- I will never forget the 3-in-1 solid block of dca encased in ice. I was in awe of seeing them encased and I suddenly wanted my own dca ice cubes to put into a drink and try not to choke on. ✨✨✨

@quilteddreamz Your writing. Oh my GOSH your writing! It's wonderful, beautiful, gah, I can't wait for your advent calender! I wish I could do something for it but I got 3 more weeks of large projects tapped to my back. I am sending much luck your way and know that I am excited to enjoy some daily dca! Don't break yourself over it too! I may adore the goobers but you're most adored first! Take care and keep being such a whimsical person! Muwah! ✨✨✨

@flowysgonemad You are also! Silly!!! You are so fun to see popping around my dash and your doodles just make me go :333 every time! I love your aus and you're a very kind/goofy person! I don't even remember how we became mutuals but garsh diggity dang it, it's awesome to see ya and anything you yap about!

There are MANY more mooties I want to appreciate and show off, but I fear I am currently omw to go to a large thanksgiving dinner and I'm expecting to be there for the rest of the day. SO! If you weren't listed, please know that I AM thinking of you! Have a wonderful time zone, and just know that my heart is so full knowing that you're all there! I can't believe there is that many of you to begin with that I can't fit you all within the time frame! (Would you believe me if I said coming up with all the right words to say here took me 2 1/2 hours?)

So! To all my beloved writers, artists, and sillies alike! From the bottom of my heart, really, thank you! For being here, even reading this, and appreciating the things I do as much as I appreciate you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨

[admirationandromantics]

Going overboard, 3: Haunted

The thing you've all been waiting for, yippi. Still working on the epilogue, but I think it's coming together. Again, just as a reminder, my blog is 18+, and so is this post. Hope you guys enjoy, and get ready for the next chapter tomorrow. Requests are still open if you're wondering about something or wanting something new <3

❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀--✽--❀

He doesn’t waste time, and we both start basically eating each other’s faces. His hands roam my body, one settling on my breast. He squeezes, and I give a sweet moan in response. My body grows hotter, not that bothered by the cold anymore. He lifts me up on the sink, and I pull his body closer to mine using my thighs. I can feel his hardness through his pants, which only turns me more on, getting me wetter by the second. I tug at his jacket, and he undresses as quickly as possible, giving me full access to his toned chest. He starts kissing my neck, burying himself in me. I whimper in reply, scratching his back with my nails. 

“We should take this to the bedroom” he purrs against my skin. I’m suddenly aware of the cold again, and I oblige. We make our way in, getting under the covers. He’s feeling me all over, before tugging at my pants, dragging them off and placing himself on top of me. Knee between my legs, he leans down, continuing kissing my collar and down to my breast. He bites, which makes a loud involuntary sound escape my lips. My hand flies to my mouth, feeling my hot cheeks on the edges. His arms travel under my back, getting the clasp of my bra open and ripping it off. 

“Shhh, I want to hear you” he whispers, hand taking both of my wrists and putting them above my head. My nipples are already hard, but the cold air makes them harder. He takes one of my breasts in his hand, grabbing hard and pushing. He leans down, leaving sweet kisses everywhere, before biting me. I jolt again, and he immediately kisses the mark, soothing the pain. He keeps going, his hand wandering down to my underwear, cupping the wetness. He moves to my clit, rubbing sweet circles with his thumb. I whine, wanting to feel more of him, especially without the clothed barrier. The tension is building, and my core starts feeling needy. Too needy. 

“Josh, please” I start, being interrupted by the involuntary sounds coming out of my mouth. 

“I love when you say my name like that…”

He stands up, taking off his pants and underwear. He’s even bigger than I remember him. I keep looking at him, starstruck, and he snickers. 

“Nothing you haven’t seen before” he says as he lays down on top of me again, dragging down my panties. 

“Doesn’t mean I’ve fully comprehended it yet.”

“Oh, you will”

He runs two fingers over my soaked folds, putting them in with ease. A moan escapes me, and I put my hand over my mouth again, scared that the others will hear. 

“Josh…”

“Don’t you dare” he whispers, taking my hand and placing it around him. I follow his curvations with my fingers, tracing every bit of him. 

He starts pumping, rubbing my clit with his thumb and occasionally curling his fingers. He leans down, grabbing my thigh and leaving kisses. A knot starts to form inside my stomach as he marks my thighs. 

“Fuck, I’m so clo-”

“Shhh” he says, pulling out his fingers. I’m breathing heavily, and a needy whimper leaves my throat as a cause of the lack of his warmth. I look over at him, and he’s getting down, shoving my thighs upon his shoulders. I’m already so ready for him, wanting to have him inside me. 

“Josh, you don’t have t-” before I can finish, I feel a long lick over my folds. My breath hitches as I grab the sheets. His arms are placed on my hips, forcing me down on the mattress. He starts licking soft circles around my clit, making sure to put pressure where needed. My thighs automatically press together, but he pulls them apart with ease, holding them in their place so I don’t hurt him. I feel my core building up again, legs shaking around him. Even when he’s down there I can feel his smirk. I imagine how cocky he is, getting me to cum this quickly. My moans fill the room, and suddenly, two of his fingers glide into me, pumping at a steady pace. It takes me over the edge, and I feel myself finishing all over him. He continues his attack on me, making me ride out my orgasm on his fingers and mouth. 

“God” I gasp, trying to get my breathing under control. He takes his fingers out, moving over me, face to face. 

“That was definitely not God, hun. That was me” he whispers in a cocky tone, his signature smirk plastered on him. Despite being tired, I drag him up to me, kissing him. Tasting myself on his tongue. His hand glides over my stomach, spreading my juices all over me. He grabs hold of my breast, massaging harshly, the roughness sending pulsering jolts of pleasure through my veins. 

“Really? You did that?” I tease back, making him laugh. 

“If you don’t believe me, I suppose I’ll just have to do it again”

I laugh at him, body tired but his words make my heat start pooling again. He leans down, meeting my lips with his yet again. It’s not sloppy, not hungry, but rather romantically passionate. His hardness graces me, soaking up my juices before moving in. I interrupt the kiss with a gasp, surprised by him. The last time we did this, I did not feel like this. I was drunk, not being able to fully feel him. I grab ahold of his shoulders, steadying myself. He goes slow, getting it all the way in while I hold him tightly. One of my arms moves around his neck for support, and I feel his hot breath on my shoulder. 

“You good?” he asks, locking eyes. I nod in reply. He starts moving, going at a steady pace. I can’t help the sounds coming out of me. Moaning as I hold on to him. His head rests in the crook of my neck, and he moves one hand down to my clit. The sounds he makes are getting me wetter by the second. He’s grunting, trying to kill the moans that escape his throat. Sloppy sounds are heard throughout the room as he pumps in and out of me. Between the occasional grunt, there’s a slight whimper, which makes my body grow hotter. My head dizzies as I’m nearing my second orgasm. He continues, kissing my neck as I come all over his cock. He doesn’t stop yet though, going faster and faster. Hot breaths moving down my chest. I whine, feeling the slight pain of overstimulation come over me. I like it, I love it, I love him. 

“I’m gonna-” he yelps, keeping up the pace. 

“Please” I plead, scratching his back as he pulls out, covering my stomach and breasts in white liquid. He collapses beside me, sweaty and breathless. I look over at him, using my hand to draw circles on his chest. He looks over, giving me the up-and-down before settling on my eyes. 

“Gosh you’re beautiful” he sighs, leaning over and kissing me. I laugh. 

“And you’re messy” I state. 

“Can’t help it when it’s you”

He sits up, takes some paper out and cleans me up. Knowing it’s not coming off that easy he stands up and puts on his boxers, walking over to the bathroom again. When he comes back, he’s got a glass of water and warm cloth. I sit up, taking the water from him while he cleans me. 

“You know, I can do it” I smile, trying to take the cloth from him. 

“And miss a chance to touch you? No way”

I put the glass down, taking the cloth from him and putting it on the nightstand. As I turn around, he puts the blanket over us, letting me snuggle into him. I feel sleepy, and considering the time, it wouldn’t be wrong to go to bed. We would party tomorrow, as we would settle in. 

“Are you cold?” he asks, stroking my hair. 

“A little, but it’s okay”

“Want me to get a fire going?”

I look around, noticing a fireplace in the room. God these people are filthy rich. 

“You have a fireplace in your room?” I turn to him, full of surprise. 

“You never noticed before?”

“Nope”

“Too busy?”

“I guess” I laugh, holding on to him even harder, not wanting to let go. As I’m about to drift off a loud yell fills the lodge. 

“Guys!”

We both sigh heavily. The night had apparently barely begun. We both get up, putting on our clothes and walking out. I tell him to go as I’ll go to the bathroom first. I fix my hair, combing through it with my fingers, as well as splash some cold water in my face. 

***

I walk down to the others, noticing a ouija board laid out on the table. 

“You guys got to be kidding me” I state, looking at it with contempt. Our friends went missing last year at this very place. This cannot be a good idea. 

“Oh come on” Chris urges. My curiosity gets the better of me, and I sit down beside the others. A sinking feeling goes through me as I add my hand on the tablet. 

“Ashley, since you’re a recent convert, why don’t you be our medium for today?”

Ashley looks up at him, then at me. I nod to her, anxiety starting to rise. 

“Okay… Um, anyone there? Will you reveal yourself to us if you’re there?” 

The pointer starts moving, and I immediately hold my breath. Chris gets excited, asking who’s moving it, but no one answers. 

“It’s spelling something”

“What?”

“Are you moving it?”

“How’s this working?”

“H…E…L…P”

“Help?”

Chris looks over at Ashley who’s getting a bit scared herself. I can see she’s stressing, but I doubt Chris would want to end this now. 

“How are we supposed to help?” she asks, waiting a few seconds before the pointer starts moving again. 

“W…A…R…N”

“Shit”

“I…N…G”

“Warning?”

I look over at Josh, who seems like he’s not in a good place. He looks stressed, worried, and I consider taking hold of him and leaving, but that’s entirely up to him. 

“I think we really need to find out who’s trying to communicate with us” Chris adds, looking over at Ashley once again. 

“Are we sure we should continue?” I ask, starting to stress even more. Ashley looks at me, before looking down at the board again. 

“We can’t help you if we don’t know who you are”

I breathe out, the pointer moving once again. 

“S…I…S…T…E…R”

“Sister?” I look over at Josh, already getting angry. The others are doing this, they’re trying to fuck with him. It must be them. Josh starts breathing heavily, and I’m about to stand up when he starts. 

“Whose sister?”

Chris looks over at him, then at me. “Oh, come on. Is this for real?”

“Shut up!” Josh interrupts him. 

“Ask it whose sister.” Ashley looks worried over at him. 

“Josh, it’s gotta be-”

“Yeah, okay, well. Which sister is it then?”

I hold my breath, squeezing my eyes shut. This is not fun, this is fake. 

“Ashley, ask who it is” Chris demands. 

“Who are we speaking to, Hannah, is that you?”

The pointer immediately moves yoo ‘yes’. I breathe out, stressing. 

“This is messed up” I whisper. 

“Josh, are you-” Ashley starts, but Josh interrupts her. 

“I’m fine”

“Are you sure because we can stop”

“We should stop” I add to her. 

“No” he states. 

“Dude, it’s cool-”

“I want to hear what it says”

“Okay, think about it, if this is actually Hannah, we can find out what really happened that night” Chris says, and I look over at Josh again. 

“Josh” I start. 

“I can handle it”

“Okay… Hannah, we miss you, and we want to know what happened to you that night. Can you tell us what happened?” Josh looks around, as if searching for something, and I feel bad, almost sick. 

“B…E…”

“Betrayed”

“It’s still going!”

“K…I…L…L”

“Killed?”

Ashley freaks out, voice heightens as she speaks. 

“No, no, we didn’t KILL them, it was just a prank!” 

She’s shaking, and I can glimpse tears in the corner of her eyes. Chris looks over, putting his free hand on her thigh. 

“Ash, calm down, okay? We just need to find out more”

“I’m sorry, guys, I’m so sorry!” she starts crying. Josh looks around again, breathing heavier as the panic sinks in. 

“Ask what happened”

“Okay, Hannah, who killed you?”

“L…I…B…R”

“Library?”

“P…R…O…O”

“Proof”

“Proof in the library?”

Suddenly, the whole table starts shaking, and the pointer flies off it, landing on the ground some paces behind. We all shriek, standing up. 

“Holy shit”

Josh slowly rises, shaking his head. 

“You know what? No, this is bullshit, this isn’t real-”

“Josh, I don’t know what’s going on-”

“Listen… I don’t k-know if you think messing with me is somehow going to help me to deal with my grief or whatever, b-but this… This is not cool”

I hold out my arm to him, but he jumps away from my touch. 

“Josh no! You wanted to use the spirit board”

“Hey Josh, calm down, it’s not Ash’s fault”

“I don’t need this right now”, he states as he makes his way out. 

“Should we go after him?” Ashley asks, and I stand up. 

“You guys are jerks, what the hell were you thinking?” I yell at them, walking away to catch up with Josh. I hear Ashley’s voice behind me. 

“But we didn’t do anything!”

***

“Josh!” I shout, running to the stairs. I don’t know where he’s gone. He probably went to his room. A sigh of relief washes over me as I notice his bedroom door slightly open. I walk inside, seeing his fireplace going. I look around, but he’s not there. Before I’m about to walk out, the door shuts and I hear a slight ‘click’. 

“What the fuck?” I whisper. Walking over to the door and grabbing the handle. It’ll not open, and the key is not on my side. I start slamming on the door. This can’t be Josh, he doesn’t seem like he’s in a state to be playing games right now?

“Hey! Chris, is that you? Open the fucking door!”

I look through the keyhole, making out something that looks like denim, and gloves? 

“Hey!” I yell again, slamming the door harder. After five minutes, I realise it’s no use. I take a look around the room. The bed is still messy after Josh and I’s activities. I sit down, but am disappointed when the sheets are cold. They’d have to let me out after some time right? This was just another stupid prank. I open Josh’s dresser, thinking that if I’m going to stay here for a while, I might as well snoop. There are just clothes. Sweaters, flannels and denim pants. I pull some of them out, holding them up to the light. These are the clothes he wore last year. As I put them back, a shackling sound catches my attention. I press down on the clothing, feeling something hard underneath. I pick them up, seeing an orange pill box. I look at the stamp, not knowing what type of meds they are. He got these recently, about a month ago. And the box is still full? My anxiety rises, why isn’t he taking his medication? Is he getting better? Based on the ouija board accident, I doubt it. He seemed much more panicked than angry. As if he was having trouble breathing and starting to spiral. I get a bad feeling in my stomach, and I realise that I never did find Josh. He might be somewhere in the lodge, not knowing up and down. 

I make my way to the door again, using my body to slam against it. It still doesn’t move. Fuck. I open the window, looking down. Luckily, there’s a fire ladder on the side, and I manage to open it. Suddenly, I hear screams, a faint voice calling for Ashley. What is going on? I open the window wider, and carefully make my way down. I jump down the last metre, landing softly in the snow. I really should have taken one of his shirts while I was up there. I make my way around, walking in the front door before running around. 

“Chris, Ash, Josh?” I shout. I run down to the library, walking down the stairs and seeing Chris, knocked out, and laying still on the ground.

[mischievouslittlecreature]

Part 22: This Misery We've Made

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x OC

Summary: It's Tommy and Lizzie's wedding day.

Word Count: 4,667

Notes: I cried while writing most of this chapter. Friendly reminder that Lucy is suffering from severe depression and C-PTSD after what happened to her in the previous part, and therefore cannot be considered an entirely reliable narrator. Her self esteem is nonexistent and her thoughts are only a reflection of what her fucked up brain is causing her to think, not actually what Tommy feels. Warnings for depictions of insecurity, jealousy, depression, and references to self harm.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Chapter 3: The Bells

The bells were ringing overhead. Echoing in a thunderous clang for all to hear. The sound of them was intended to announce a joyous occasion. Something to be met with celebration. 

Lucy was not in a particularly celebratory mood. 

She stood with her back resting against the shaded side of the church, the cigarette in her hand poised to soon join the others she’d already dropped to the ground after they became too small to properly grip. Her eyes followed the well dressed guests walking up from their cars towards the big double doors that lead into the chapel. None of them paid her even a parting glance, the angle and shade of the church shielding her from view.   

She was hiding. From Tommy. From Lizzie. From everyone. She didn’t want to ruin their happy day with her melancholy. Casting a glance at her watch, she drew in a trembling breath at the realization that she would have to go inside soon. 

Dread built within her, creating a pressure that felt moments away from bursting. It had been there since Tommy had proposed to Lizzie, growing steadily by the day like a tumor.

She let her most recent cigarette drop into the grass, grinding it down under her heel to make sure it didn’t spark. Wouldn’t that be something? She could see the headlines now: Lover of MP About to be Married Sets Church on Fire. 

The crunch of grass under a set of shoes alerted her to footsteps approaching. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. She’d know him by gait alone. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” Tommy said softly, once he’d come to a stop beside her.

“Sorry,” Lucy mumbled, looking down at her nails, freshly painted their usual shade of bright red for the occasion. Picking at an imaginary speck of lint on her oxford blue dress, she avoided having to look up at him. 

Tommy’s hands were sheathed in the pockets of his carefully tailored wedding suit, eyes boring into her. “Are you alright?”

She forced herself to plaster on some semblance of happiness–and if not that, then at least serenity–onto her face before raising it to finally look at him. “Of course.”

Tommy just frowned, moving so that he was standing in front of her, taking care to keep them both still hidden within the shadows of the church. His hands came to rest on her upper arms, smoothing up and down before slipping around her back, pulling himself in closer to her until their foreheads were touching. Lucy closed her eyes, swallowing around the immovable lump in her throat and resting her palms on his waist.

“We can still call it off,” he whispered, warm breath fanning out across her cheeks.

Lucy shook her head, trying to remind herself of the things he’d told her last night. “It’s okay.”

His thumb was rubbing circles into the lower part of her back, attempting to soothe her. 

“I will love you forever,” he promised, and she felt her lower lip start to quiver, eyes filling with tears that she furiously blinked away. She nodded jerkily, angling her face up to kiss him. 

“I will love you forever too,” she murmured. For a moment, it felt like the rest of the world had fallen away, and it was just them, standing in their own little bubble where nothing and no one could touch them. Not even the sound of the bells ringing overheard.

She made a move to pull away, but his grip on her tightened, holding her in place against him firmly so that he could kiss her again. The last kiss they would share that would not be tainted by his bonds and marriage to another woman. 

“It’s time,” Lucy said after they parted. Why did it feel as though she were sending him off to his death? Like she would never see him again; never hold or kiss or even touch him. Like she was about to lose him forever. 

Tommy nodded, expression that of a man about to make his final walk to the gallows. He kissed her forehead firmly, and, with blatant reluctance, loosened his grip on her. 

It took nearly all her willpower for Lucy to force herself to take that first step away from him. Then another and another, grass rustling under the small heels she was wearing. Tears brimmed at her lash line, but by some miracle she swallowed them down. Her arms wrapped around herself, trying through the makeshift embrace to soothe herself. She did not look back. If she did, she knew she would run to him, throw her arms around his neck, and never let him go.

It would be fine, she just had to keep reminding herself of that. He had promised.

So why did it feel like they’d just broken up? 

Keeping her head down, she slipped into the church, quietly finding a spot in the pews close to the doors next to Ada.

She could barely watch the ceremony. In her lap, her hands gripped each other so tightly that the nails dug into and broke the skin. Tommy entered and went to stand at the end of the altar, hands clasped at his front and expression unreadable. Jeremiah was standing behind him, dressed in his robes and prepared to officiate, while Arthur stood to Tommy’s left, once again serving as best man for his younger brother. To the right, one of Lizzie’s sisters had taken the place for the maid of honor. Lucy could sense Tommy’s gaze darting to her every once in a while, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Instead her eyes remained downcast, entire body stock still. 

Lizzie looked utterly radiant in her white wedding gown, her eyes dancing with uninhibited joy, the biggest smile Lucy had ever seen splitting her face. The dread inside Lucy tripled, twisting sickly inside of her. 

Lizzie came to a stop beside Tommy at the altar, fixing him with a look of such deep love that Lucy had to quickly look away.

What have we done?

Ada gave her shoulder a squeeze, and while she did not have the energy to properly acknowledge the gesture, she was thankful for it nonetheless.   

It was a quick ceremony, thankfully. Only the necessities. At the sound of Tommy’s deep voice reciting his vows to Lizzie, Lucy’s eyes squeezed shut. 

He had made promises to her, that was true. But he was now in the process of making ones to Lizzie as well. And he would not be able to keep some of those promises to one woman without breaking the ones he’d made to the other. He was going to have to choose. 

Lucy twisted one of her rings around her finger. It was a position she had never wanted to put him in. 

The saying of the vows and the exchanging of the rings ended, and Jeremiah’s voice boomed throughout the church as he announced the new union of Tommy and Lizzie as husband and wife. Cheers erupted from both sides of the rows of spectators. Polly nearly flew out of her seat with the force in which she stood, clapping her hands together and beaming. 

So different from when Tommy had married Grace, Lucy couldn’t help but think. She wondered, not for the first time, what exactly it was Lizzie had that she and Grace didn’t, which had so earned her Polly’s undying adoration, love, and approval. 

That’s it. It’s done, Lucy thought to herself, somehow managing to remember to bring her hands together in quiet, numb little claps against each other. 

It felt like something had just died. Like her whole life up until that point had been one long sentence, and a period had just been placed at the end of it. Something was changed. Ended. Gone. Maybe forever. 

What it was, she wasn't entirely sure. Did she really think that all it took was a few vows and a ring to murder Tommy’s love for her? No, not really. But it still felt as though something had shifted in the air. A hollowness had widened inside her, like something had been ripped away. Her face screwed up slightly as she tried to figure out what it was. 

The rest of the family started to gather up their things to follow the bride and groom outside and head down the street to the hotel where the reception was being held. She was watching the family shuffle towards the door, chattering, laughing, and smiling amongst each other, not one of them sparing her a parting glance, when it dawned on her entirely what she’d just lost.

Her and Tommy’s life together was gone. This was how all public encounters would be from now on. Tommy and Lizzie, connected with their arms linked or hands entwined, able to touch and talk and laugh with each other as much as they pleased. And the family would orbit around them. They all loved Lizzie. Accepted her. Approved of her as a partner in Tommy’s life. Lucy might as well be left locked outside, able to do little more than peer in through a window while the family gathered together. It would have the same effect. She was not naive enough to believe that she had previously ever been invited into anything they did together for reasons other than her being at Tommy’s side. A space that Lizzie now filled. 

The only moments she and Tommy could have together anymore would be in private rooms and dark, shadowy corners. No more touching when others could see them. No more mumbled jokes into ears, or sitting next to each other. No more kisses when there was a risk that someone else might see them. No more dates. Hell, probably never even another vacation spent together. 

That was all over. All she would get of him anymore were the crumbs that Lizzie left behind. Rare slivers of moments when he had the time.

She remained in her seat in the church, hands hanging limply over the wooden banister, eyes staring into space while the final few guests filtered out the doors, leaving her alone.

The bells had taken up their ringing once more. Lucy wondered if they rang them for funerals as well as weddings. Fitting, either way, considering that both had just taken place.

Still sitting there, she finally allowed her tears to overspill and run down her cheeks. Leaning forward with her head on her arms, she sobbed alone, the sounds of her mournful cries drowned out by the cacophony of the wedding bells. 

∗ ∗ ∗

They all love her so much. 

Lucy couldn’t entirely keep the bitterness out of the thought as she watched the Shelbys encircle Lizzie, practically oozing adoration and excitement at being able to finally welcome her officially to the family. 

Lucy quickly turned away, cutting through the crowd to get to the bar and order what she suspected to be the first of many glasses of whiskey she would consume over the evening. 

After ensuring there was no evidence of the tears she shed at the church, she’d finally made her way to the room that the reception was being held in. The place was jam packed with guests. Not only were all the Shelbys there for the occasion, but so were the small handful of Lizzie’s friends and family, as well as a good share of Tommy’s colleagues from Westminster, and various business partners and associates. 

It was her primary goal this evening to avoid everyone. Including Tommy. She would probably just stick around for dinner and then sneak away. They had paid for rooms at the hotel for all the guests that wanted to spend the night, but Lucy frankly just wanted to go home. At the very least her dogs and cat were there to keep her company. She would tell someone–probably Ada–when she was off so that they would know where she went. Assuming that they even noticed her missing at all, of course. 

“Lucy, can I speak with you for a moment?”

She started, hand tightening reflexively around her glass of whiskey. Lizzie had snuck up behind her without her even noticing, too lost in musing over her plans of escaping the event early. Lucy stared up at her like a deer in headlights, eyes wide. She suddenly felt even shorter than usual. On a normal day, Lizzie towered over her, but in heels and her wedding dress, she seemed even taller and more regal than usual. 

She truly did look every bit the part of the new Queen of Birmingham. 

“Sure,” Lucy said, having to clear her throat in order to get the word out. Lizzie took her firmly by the arm and began to steer her away into a side room that was unoccupied. 

“I wanted to ask you, since we arranged for Ruby’s things to be moved into Arrow House while we’re away, if you would be willing to move rooms,” Lizzie wasted no time on small talk, immediately stating her request the moment that the door was closed. Her fingers traced over the wedding bands on her left ring finger. Lucy wondered if it was an unconscious movement, or if she was trying to remind her of her place. “I want her room to be closer to mine, you see. In case she needs anything in the middle of the night.” 

Lizzie had been by the house earlier to get more familiar with it, and to choose her room. The main master bedroom they once shared with Grace was off limits, but she had her pick of any of the others. She had chosen a large room next door to the one Tommy and Lucy normally occupied. 

She hadn’t been bothered when they informed her that her choice of room was next to theirs. Had she been planning to ask Lucy to move even then?

She gave a slight shake of her head. You’re being paranoid, she scolded herself. Lizzie’s thought process made sense. Ruby ought to be close to her mother’s room. 

“Yes, of course, that’s fine. I’ll tell Francis when I get back–”

“I already told her,” Lizzie cut her off. “And I already picked out another room for you. I told them to move your things today while we were out.”

Then why did you bother asking? Lucy mused internally, but bit her tongue.

“I hope that’s alright,” Lizzie added, and Lucy immediately felt bad for thinking the worst of her. Especially when she was probably just trying to ensure that Ruby was able to get settled as quickly as possible. 

“Oh, it’s…fine.”

Lizzie smiled, reaching out to squeeze her arm. “Thank you.” From outside, there was the sound of someone announcing that dinner was to be served soon, asking everyone to find their seats. “We ought to go.”

Lucy nodded, and followed her out the door, lingering back a little while Lizzie dashed off to go to the table reserved at the far end of the room for her and Tommy. Circular tables were scattered all throughout the room, and Lucy began to weave carefully around them. Notecards sat atop each place setting, inscribed with each guest's name written in delicate calligraphy to indicate their assigned seat.  

All of the Shelbys were seated near the front, right by Tommy and Lizzie’s table. All except for her, notably. She found her notecard at a table near the back, placed about as far away from Tommy and Lizzie’s table as it was possible for her to be. She stared down at it, rubbing her thumb across the golden loops of her name as if that would somehow encourage it to change. 

Sighing, she sank down into her chair, sharing an awkward smile with the other guests at the table, none of which she knew. Sneaking a glance to the other side of the room, she eyed the Shelbys all sitting at their table together, chuckling at something Arthur was saying. The ache of feeling left out pinched at her heart.  

I’m not a Shelby. I’m not family, she reminded herself, though it did nothing to soothe the sting. 

There was a tug in her mind so strong that it was impossible to ignore. She’d been feeling them all day. Little nudges and pulls that were trying to get her attention. Begging her to please, just look at me. And yet also not wanting to push, trying to respect her space and leave her be to process what was happening.    

But this was much more of a considerable yank, as if the person on the other end of the bond was a little panicked. 

He didn’t know where she was, she realized. He was looking for her in the crowd and couldn’t find her, and was panicking that she’d left. 

Guilt welled up inside her, because had that not been exactly what she was planning on doing once dinner was over? Disappearing without even a goodbye, and wholly believing that Tommy would not notice if she was gone. 

What’s wrong with me? It was not the first time she had asked herself that. Why, no matter how many times he reassured her, could she not bring herself to fully believe him? She did in the moment, when his sweet words washed over her and he curled his body around hers in a protective, loving embrace that left her feeling warm and cherished. But the doubt always came back. 

 He said he loved her. He said he would never leave her. He had given her no reason not to believe him. So why couldn’t she?

Her fingers curled into a small fist, nails biting into the flesh of her palm; an attempt to punish herself for her ridiculous thoughts and even worse behavior. 

She forced her eyes to raise from her plate, focusing across the room at Tommy. He was sitting up in his chair next to Lizzie, gaze scanning across the room, not really listening as his bride chatted giddily into his ear. His brow was knit, lips pulling down into a worried frown. 

I’m here, she pulled gently on the indescribable bond between them, giving a small tug to the little red string tying them together. She had never spent much effort in trying to puzzle out what exactly the bond between them was. It had just always been there, even before she actually knew him.

His blue gaze snapped to her almost instantly, but his frown only deepened as he noticed where she was sitting.  

The fuck are you doing all the way over there?

She held up the little note card to him in answer to his silent question. His gaze narrowed, lips parting, and she realized with horror that he was about to kick up a fuss to try to have her moved. 

No! Don’t!

His mouth closed. Why not?

Think of how it will look! 

So? You’re family. You ought to be seated as such. I want you close to me.

I don’t want to upset her. It’s supposed to be her day, Tommy. It’s fine, don’t worry about me.

The look on his face said that he very much did worry, but he thankfully kept his mouth shut, leaning back in his chair and casting her a regretful, apologetic look before his attention was pulled away by Lizzie.   

Dinner was awkward, given that no one at her table seemed all that interested in talking with her. Lucy instead busied herself with pushing her fish around on her plate, her appetite evaporated. Once it was over, the band started up playing, and Tommy and Lizzie made their way onto the dancefloor for their first dance as husband and wife. People stood from their tables to gather around to watch, and Lucy took the chance to slip away, ducking back into the side room Lizzie had taken her to before dinner.   

Rooting around in the little black clutch she’d brought with her, she snuck her fingers past the small gun tucked away inside to fish out her cigarettes and lighter. Upon cracking open the window to let the smoke out she was met with a rush of chilly evening air from outside. Goosebumps rose up on the skin or her arms despite the long sleeves of her dress, but she ignored them, perching herself on the windowsill to gaze down at the dark street below. 

She would need to get a driver to take her home. It would be late by the time that she finally got back to the house, but she doubted that she would be sleeping much tonight anyway. 

Her fingers squeezed a little around her cigarette. She had been trying not to think about the wedding night. Ever since they’d gotten together, she and Tommy had a rule regarding bringing others into their bed: they would not sleep with someone else unless they were both present. It was a rule they’d both followed steadfastly. Except with Grace, after they moved to Arrow House with her. But that had been different. 

Grace would never have tried to rip her and Tommy apart.

It was a rule that was about to be broken. And even though she’d agreed to it, it still hurt. Whether it was simply the idea of Tommy sleeping with Lizzie without her, or Lizzie’s rejection of her being permitted to still be involved–they’d had plenty of threesomes with Lizzie in the past, after all–she could not entirely say. She had never handled feeling left out well, and try as she might, she could not bring herself to wholly trust Lizzie.

Despite his promises, would Tommy really be able to prevent Lizzie from driving a wedge between them? She was his wife. And Ruby’s mother. And Charlie’s step-mother. He needed to keep her happy. Lucy was his…what? His mistress, she supposed. The other woman. His dirty little secret. 

She had once mused to herself how miserable it must be to be the mistress of a married man. So much of their lives doomed to be spent alone, only able to enjoy brief, fleeting moments with the person that they loved. 

She understood a little better now. You take what you can get of them, because even a few seconds together was better than nothing at all. 

She was going to have to get used to it. While Tommy said things would go mostly back to normal once they got back from Paris, she wasn’t so sure. He only planned to spend limited nights with Lizzie, and the door was still open for all three of them to fuck if they all wanted, but Lucy doubted Lizzie would be that amiable to the idea. 

And what if either of them changed their minds?

That was all it would take to eradicate Lucy’s involvement with Tommy entirely. She could imagine it already: them, returning from their honeymoon, Tommy taking her by the hands and gently leading her away, telling her he was sorry. He wouldn’t be unkind about it, but that would not hinder him from speaking the words that would shatter her heart. 

It was not out of the realm of possibility that he would realize during the honeymoon that he favored Lizzie over her. Honestly, she was still shocked that it hadn’t happened yet. Because when push came to shove she knew she wasn’t anywhere close to as pretty as Lizzie. No one in their right mind would choose Lucy over her. And that wasn’t even factoring in the children. Or that his family adored her. Or that they just looked right when standing next to each other. He always kept going back to Lizzie, even after she ceased her work as a prostitute. Sure, Lucy had always been agreeable to sleeping with her, because she liked Lizzie. But perhaps there was a reason why Tommy kept returning to her. One that not even he was entirely aware of.

Her head turned at the sound of the door opening. Tommy slipped in, quickly closing the door behind him and flicking the lock into place. He stood there, just looking at her, the dim light from the ornate lamps on the tables bouncing off of his sharp features.

“Love,” he said, softly. Stubbing her cigarette out on the windowsill and reaching over to pull the window closed, Lucy didn’t even hear as he moved closer. Not until his hand brushed tentatively against her shoulder. 

“I think that I’m going to go home,” she said after a moment, not looking at him, instead keeping her gaze fixed firmly out the window.

“Okay.” She both was and wasn’t relieved that he didn’t fight her on it. “I’ll get someone to drive you.”

“Thank you.” Awkwardness settled between them. Lucy could not remember the last time that the silence they shared was anything but comfortable. Turning, she stood from the windowsill and finally forced herself to look at him. He was gazing down at her with a look of such deep regret and heartache, that just the sight of it almost made her start to cry. 

“You’re still planning to leave early tomorrow morning?”

“Yes.”

She wouldn’t see him before they were off, then. Nodding, she glanced down, unable to meet the sad look in his eyes any longer. “You don’t need to worry about work or Ruby getting settled or anything. I’ll take care of it.”  

He leaned forward, hand finding her chin and gently nudging her face up to look at him. His eyes searched her features. She parted her lips to speak, but it took her a few tries until her voice wasn’t too tear-laced for her to trust it. 

“Have a fun honeymoon,” she finally managed to choke out. When she tried to pull away, his hands landed on her upper arms, holding her firmly in place. 

“Lucy,” he said, a layer of franticness in his voice, “When I’m with her…I’m not with her.”

She stared at the center of his chest, examining the pattern on the tie tucked into his waistcoat, then tilted her head back up to him. His eyes were desperate, scared, grip tight like he was afraid if he let her go, he’d never get to touch her again. 

“I know,” her voice was shaking, about two seconds away from starting to cry. And she was afraid that when she started, she would never be able to stop. 

Tommy tugged her fully into his arms, folding her against his chest. He kissed her forehead softly, then laid his cheek against it as he held her tight.

“We’re not saying goodbye,” he said. “I’m coming back to you.”

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut, arms circling his middle and squeezing him to her. He squeezed her back, spreading kisses all across the crown of her head. For a moment the warmth of his body muffled the storm of doubt within her. The surety of his words, and the firmness with which he held her, were both nearly impossible to argue with. Surely he would not be holding her like this if he no longer loved her, would he?

Her breaths trembled in her chest as she tried her hardest to believe him. And yet a part of her still stubbornly insisted that she needed to commit every detail of his embrace to memory. The way that his chest rose and fell with his breaths. The scent of his natural musk and cologne. The slight flexing in his muscles when he adjusted his hold on her. His heartbeat was a steady thump against her cheek, and his chest was solid and pleasantly warm. She needed to remember all of these things. Store them away in a safe spot in her mind so that she could call back on them when she was alone and cold in the dark.

Because this may very well be the last time that he ever held her.

Previous Chapter • Series • Fic • Next Chapter

Thank you for reading! Please consider leaving a comment, reblog, or like. I always appreciate feedback and love getting the opportunity to interact with you and hear your thoughts!

[inchidentally]

I think there's something so poetic in the fact that, before being in F1, Oscar was a Lando fan (as we all saw on twitter) and we know (through his mom) that he thought being Lando's teammate in his 1st year would be the best thing for him since no one would expect him to beat someone so good and now, our little Osc will officially be Lando's longest teammate to date 💜

I just think that is beautiful and warms my heart, and I like to think fanboy Oscar is a little crazy about this as well.

anonnnnn I had no idea it would literally be this very weekend for that milestone ;__;

side note you reminded me I didn't add to the Oscar pre-F1 Lando fanboy compilation about him telling Nicole he would feel a lot less pressure being Lando's teammate bc "everyone knows how good he is"

and like, that moment made me think of when she saw his heartrate going through the roof on his monitor after she had the bicycle accent and how he doesn't express his love and affection in conventional ways, he shows it in private intimate ways that you have to get to know him and learn.

which leads on to him dreading replacing the beloved, Aussie icon Daniel and...

both of Lando's previous teammates being these PR slick gregarious outgoing extroverted types and not only was Oscar knowing his introduction to F1 was off the back of the Alpine drama he was also going to be replacing Daniel/a lineage of big beloved personalities as Lando's teammates and like ?? for someone who is lowkey and values his privacy and doesn't relish the spotlight that's just the w o r s t. Lola @twinkodium had followed Oscar before F1 and describes how awful it was to go through as an Oscar fan <3

and then when we all started exploring the Prema videos and realizing oh! actually Oscar's super sassy and sarcastic and even pretty mouthy with his teammates - and sure he dreaded PR filming days then too but he was SO different to that early McLaren content (and even current content tbh). and Lando was already being put in this "so you're the older mentor now" which was not comfortable and it took him some time to figure Oscar out and trust and like him! the development of his relationship with Oscar has been so rewarding in how gently and gradually it's happened ?? some ppl still want the PR bromance content but I feel like the whole charm of landoscar is that they both rejected developing a PR aspect of their relationship from the start and everything we see of them is authentic. sometimes they're feeling the challenge or interview and they're giggling and happy and funny. other times they're not feeling it so they give each other these teasing looks and just get through it. other times they're absolutely not feeling it and oh.

!!!

what's wild to me is that Lando has finally decided that he's not going to perform just because everyone expects him to be cute and bubbly and full of jokes all the time !! and he said that he's learned from Oscar “keeping calm and being yourself, it’s good to be reminded of that. I think he's been very, very good at dealing with pressure, better than I feel like I remember I was when I started." I often see ppl complaining that Lando is "serious" and "not as happy" just because he's a)grown up from a teenager to a seasoned professional adult and b)they've chosen to never see the those other sides of him even when he's exhibited them all along - they were just never something he showed very often (considering people only seemed to react to him being fun and lighthearted, no wonder).

but alongside him figuring Oscar out that first year he started realizing oh, this guy has serious respect for me and doesn't expect anything of me. and I can ask for things and demand certain things and not be "on" or happy all the time and THAT is how Oscar shows he cares about me! he's not only showing me deference and respect, he also smiles fondly at every weird little shade of me I let out! (this picture will always be to me the 'oh! that's who you are! there you are!' moment bc godddd the complexity in his eyes and in his expression that seems to freeze time in the celebrations and he focuses solely on Oscar jesussssss)

so in getting a much more authentic, subtle insight into a teammate dynamic between Lando and Oscar, there also feels like a much more authentic and subtle insight into Lando as a person. the more serious, sometimes broody, quiet, shy and anxious sides of Lando stopped only happening on late night streams with Max and maybe the occasional post race where he couldn't switch it on for cameras, all started showing up at all of his media and PR that season - and he's stayed ever since.

bc for guys like Daniel and Carlos, learning PR is about controlling PR and the invasiveness that being in the spotlight brings. it's sort of a disarming attack being the best sort of defense method. which is fine for people who have the energy and won't be sapped by having to keep that up almost non-stop. or like Carlos have a family support system who will get ahead of things as much as possible (and even there, they still can't predict everything they media will do). but Lando has never been capable of that! he was a shy, self-confessedly pretty reclusive guy before Carlos and F1. he hits energy dips hard. he's incapable of lying (or lying convincingly) even to save his own skin. so he borrows those guys' energy when they're together (this includes George and Alex too) to cope and still does to this day.

but !! all of his own natural qualities generate the wildest extremes of PR adoration and persecution for him. being unable to lie and not having a skill for PR filter has created some of his highest and lowest experiences with fans and the media.

and side note it's super uncomfortable to see people literally complain about him showing more complexity and maturity alongside his usual fun, bubbly side and to have those same fans - who claim to know and adore him - totally bypass that he's a mental health advocate and say that he's not "himself" or his "old self" because he's not performing enough and daring to grow and develop each year and not restricting his on camera presence solely to fun and jokes and laughter. almost as uncomfortable as said people advocating for Lando's mental health and anti-bullying and then going on hate campaigns and flooding comment sections of major media accts absolutely trashing Oscar, trying to start rumors about Oscar's family and cultivating insane theories to twist Lando smiling, laughing and being relaxed with Oscar as suffering and hating and barely coping with having Oscar as a teammate. (and the delusions that Lando wouldn't clash with Carlos or Daniel if they were his teammate now that McLaren is at the front of the pack ????? is utterly utterly insane slfgsajlfgsalfgsafgsal. a shiver passes over me when ppl wish for that bc considering those awful carland0 'breakup' gifs from like 2021? imagine the horror of then watching it slowly die in front of our very eyes. like. the total failure to see the reality of these drivers' real personalities and on track dynamics bc of rpf is insane. I'm literally casually expecting Lando and Oscar to have battles and hugely awkward moments next season even tho it's been shockingly civil and mature this season. bc that's how drivers are in those situations! and oops it's actually rly good that Lando and Oscar incorporated that professional boundary as they've developed their relationship - bc off track besties suddenly battling each other for championship wins? have we learned nothing of how awful that is no matter how much the besties say it won't be ??)

and like, this is probably why I went from starting this blog just to follow fun F1 memes and the popular rpf ships to actually starting to use it bc of landoscar. the Silverstone hug was such a satisfying 'oh!' turning point that's even more gratifying and complex the longer they're teammates. and not in an rpf way! I go stupid and write fic etc but truly most of the things I think we love about this ship aren't crossing over into fantasy land or pretending they're eeeeeeveryting to each other or pretending that they loooove each other more than their girlfriends/girlfriend or that they're "better friends" with each other than other friends etc etc. even the fan fiction is so damn good bc the majority is based on the subtle dynamics we've witnessed between them rather than just projecting fantasy onto them. I mean we all love having ships where the guys are playing into it and share tons of content with us to play with sure. but we also know there's a blurred boundary between PR and reality that we'll never rly see for sure. whereas Lando and Oscar's relationship is a layered thing with no PR gloss to it that can just be plopped into a fic concept and see where they end up, yknow? it always ends up compelling.

and then Oscar having preferred to run the most painful gauntlet just to sign with McLaren, then his further commitment and loyalty showing itself at the first opportunity, Lando recommitting to McLaren and including Oscar in that, Lando calling them the strongest partnership on the grid, them both today saying how they both set aside ego and achieve balance through teamwork.

that is the kind of stuff that is unique and has a genuine future and strength to it. it's exhausting and often painful to watch two guys who got super chummy and friendly first and then deal with both wanting to be the winner at absolutely everything only to realize - as so many do - that it's messy and uncomfortable as hell. for instance I learned early on that it always shakes out fine with Charles and Carlos, but the fireworks that make their dynamic so exciting and fun is also why the battles are so intense and explosive. they were made so thoroughly perfectly for each other as friends but therefore in so many ways the opposite as teammates. I'm gutted at losing all the content after this season but I'm fascinated to see over the coming years how things will settle bc that pressure will finally be off.

but we're watching that whole thing consciously being done in reverse with Lando and Oscar and, considering the challenges they've faced, the professional and personal dynamic and relationship they've cultivated together (esp with the open door policy between their garages) is fucking working so far. the fans are screaming and losing their shit while those two are calmly shaking hands, shaking the whole thing off when it's done and already caught beaming and smiling at each other before they notice the camera is on for the post race. Lando is the guy who speaks with words, Oscar with actions. Lando wears his emotions on his sleeve and hates being disingenuous, Oscar would rather let the media and public get him wrong than expose himself too much. Lando has a whole life and separate company, Oscar has a whole life with Lily. they never made their off track time available to fans and don't have to feel pressure to perform there either. even Monza, they were bonded in misery and traveled home together and showed up for press the next race with the same objectives.

tee el dee are, I feel like this milestone says a lot about the potential for them as teammates - and quite frankly if the rest of us have to block out the swarms of fans who can't follow the example of maturity and reason set by Lando and Oscar - and we end up with a small but sane space then I'm all for that !

[alicemitch09writes]

[are you happy now?]

prompt is heavily inspired after listening to “good luck babe!” on repeat. also, for aventurine’s part i had “number one girl” on repeat, too. man, i love angst songs :3 I'm unable to write a proper fic for this, as my life is already enough of a mess and I bury myself into games to keep myself sane.

Ratio and Aventurine have been secretly sleeping with each other for a while. At first, it was for release - both leading stressful lives. Eventually, it became reoccurring thing.

However, Ratio made it abundantly clear: this was just a convenient sexual agreement between them, nothing more.

Unfortunately, Aventurine had long fallen for the doctor. Ever since they first met, to the countless times they’ve been paired for projects, his teasings couldn’t be any more obvious.

Sometime later, Ratio found out and was disgusted. Not only did he harshly reject the man, but he shut down Aventurine since then, even going so far as sending a letter to Diamond not to pair them again.

Eventually, he proposed to Ruan Mei, to send a message to Aventurine.

Having already foreseen this coming, Aventurine could only smile, hand behind his back - shaking so hard he had to puncture his thumb through to stop it, hard enough for his nail to cut through his gloves and into his skin.

It was basic courtesy for the IPC to come in attendance for Ratio’s wedding, another attempt to remind Aventurine. 

For all 8 of his doctorates and the years they’ve worked together, Ratio still failed to understand that Aventurine was no fool. He may be on the path to cure ignorance, yet was unaware of his own. Ironic, really.

At this point, Aventurine was numb and just went with it, even if it felt like salt to his open wound.

The wedding was extravagant, as expected of the famed scientist and doctor. So, Aventurine was told, having decided he couldn’t bring himself to attend. Not that Ratio would even want him there anyway.

“I already saw this coming doctor, no need to send me an invite,” he murmured, lying on his tub. Tears streamed down his face, not that he’d care.

Aventurine then drowns himself in work, going as far as requesting Diamond to send him as far away as possible - away from the reaches of the Intelligentsia Guild or the Genius Society, which was honestly impossible. But as someone blessed with immense luck, he got what he wanted.

Despite their existence being linked to a particular woman and a certain doctor, the catcakes have been nothing but great companions for his already broken heart. He understands now Topaz’s bond with Numby.

As he boards his ship, he thinks of the last encounter with Ratio, the man’s look of disgust and his hurtful words. Then he thinks of the last time he saw him, the good doctor hadn’t notice him, busily chatting with his colleagues. He was as handsome as ever, probably the most handsome man in Kakavasha’s whole existence. 

Probably the only man he’ll ever love in his lifetime.

Smiling bitterly, he boards his ship and flies off.

-

Many, many years have passed.

Ratio and Ruan Mei have long married and collaborated on a few projects, ground breaking in every way. The renowned couple garnering accolades left and right.

The marriage was nothing but a transactional ordeal, to benefit both parties. That much was obvious.

One night, Ratio found himself awake in the middle of the night. For some reason, he couldn’t fall back asleep.

Sitting up, his eyes takes in his room. Shifting slightly, he watches the gentle rise and fall of his wife. Wife.

Turning aside, feet planted on the ground, knees against his knees, he found himself with his head on his hands.

Wife.

That’s what he wanted, right? To marry and have a wife?

Suddenly, his thoughts run to a familiar blond, small, cheeky. Hands slip past his face to the back of his head, grabbing fistful of hair.

Letting out a shaky exhale, the ring on his finger felt heavy and his heart twisted painfully.

He was supposed to be happy, happy. But why wasn’t he?

And Aventurine…

It’s been so, so, so long.

Loathe he was to admit it— who was he kidding?

He missed him.

He missed him so much.

Since that day, he’s all but purged him away from his life. All the gifts he bought, flaunting the wealth he was given some a few penchants he knew Ratio would find interesting - he’s thrown away. As though purging Aventurine’s entire existence out of his life.

And now, he’s left with nothing to remember him by. 

All that remains are the memories he has of him.

This is what he wanted, right?

-

Later that day, while finalizing probably the biggest work with his wife, he felt it - Nous looking his way.

Finally, after all this time.

Everything he’s worked hard for, clinging on to desperation at some point of his life, even giving up when he burnt out from years and years of proving himself, it was all for this one moment.

And yet, why did it feel so hollow?

After years of pouring himself to be noticed, to work for a noble cause to rid of ignorance, why wasn’t he brimming with pride?

Oh.

Right.

Glancing down on his hand, ruby red hues land on a certain ring - specifically, his wedding ring.

Nous was never one to choose just about anyone, regardless of your gender, race, intellect or how noble your cause. Had that been the case, half of the universe would have been blessed by them. But, no. For them, you’d have to at least sacrifice a little bit of something in the name of knowledge.

It could be anything really - a piece of your sanity, a piece of you, some parts of your civilization, anything. 

And what did it cost Veritas Ratio?

Everything.

tip me if you like it :3

[melonisopod]

Okay first of all, I don't mind the rant at all! Actually I loved this bit of insight into his character. You're right, a lot of the trauma for him had to do with a "forced change" of his body that he felt was not of his own will, rather than just the prosthetics part.

HOWEVER, a lot of moments in Canto 3 have him expressing a dislike of the prosthetics too, mainly how he feels very depersonalized in the way it makes people look. He has difficulty connecting with his family, since they no longer have human faces and don't need to eat, for example, and it was this reason he had trouble adjusting to Dante at first, cause their prosthetic head reminded him a lot of his parents.

BUT, I don't think this means he's forever stuck hating or resenting the idea of augmentations. Like you said, he'd have gotten to a point in his life where he's more comfortable with that idea, if he's doing it on his own terms. While it's implied he got his 'augments' to be better qualified for a job in the Devyat Association, it may not be that he felt forced to do it, either. Besides, it was clearly an operation that kept most of his physical body intact, at least looking mostly the same.

(also re: the book and the "bierzomowanie," it sounds like that was a Confirmation ceremony based on the whole "officially entering the church" thing.)

I like your points! This puts a more positive spin on his character here, even how much grumpier he comes off. Have you noticed this Sinclair is more assertive and blunt than usual? Instead of shyly saying he's just glad to be of help or was even able to pass a check encounter, he flatly tells you not to ask him to do errands again. When he staggers or kills an enemy he tells them to get out of his way. He's already showing signs of that in the main timeline (see: telling the Fanghunt Fixer to "shut the fuck up") but he's not *quite* there yet (see: falters immediately after while trying to sound threatening to the same Fixer).

I kind of like the direction Devyat Sinclair takes, tl;dr I think he's done a lot of character developiong in this timeline.

Hey. HEY. Are we gonna talk about this?

Emil "I have trauma from my family wanting to roboticize me" Sinclair, getting "augmentations"?

What happened to you, babygirl...

[shima-draws]

Normally Sanji is the most put together person between him and Luffy. He’s probably the most put together person on the entire crew besides Robin. Meanwhile Luffy is a walking disaster, chaos is naturally drawn to him and he’s ALWAYS getting into trouble. When it comes to their actual romantic relationship tho. It’s COMPLETELY flipped lmao

Luffy will walk out on deck with his hair slightly tousled and his vest a bit askew but that’s normal for him. He looks smug as hell but that’s also normal for him. Nobody bats an eye. Then Sanji comes tumbling out of the galley. Shirt untucked and buttoned up the wrong way, hair thoroughly ruffled, clothes rumpled, looking utterly fucking disheveled. His nose is bleeding, he’s stumbling like he’s drunk and his neck is covered in hickies. Everyone on deck proceeds to lose their goddamn MINDS

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yeah so i'm falling for @weevmo's Guys... they're so neat! i dig their vibes and can't wait to see what Corduroy Stew is all about <3

[feroluce]

Randomly consumed today by the thought of henghill cuddles, but like from a specific point in their relationship, like after they've only recently started laying in the same bed together.

It's something that takes them a long time to work up to; they both have nightmares, and yeah, Dan Heng is a Vidyadhara and he can heal himself beyond anything Boothill could accidentally do to him, but still. Boothill is made of metal now. He's heavy. It wouldn't take much, just a single flailing limb to cause some damage. He still gets up after Dan Heng falls asleep, and sneaks down into the guest cabin in one of the other cars.

But he'll lay in bed with Dan Heng until then. At first Boothill would always try to situate a blanket between them, because well. Metal isn't exactly pleasant to cuddle. But more and more lately, he's noticed Dan Heng keeps worming his way around their soft barrier and just kind of...rubbing his hand along him? Open palm up the curve of his side, across the planes of his chest, into the star-shape at his solar plexus, down the plates of his abdomen, back to his side again. Fingertips tap soundlessly against metal, or press into dents and divots, or smooth over old scars in the steel.

"Ya don't hav'ta do that, ya know."

"Does it bother you?"

Dan Heng's hand has already stopped, settling somewhere on the futon, neutral ground. Boothill clarifies that no, it doesn't bother him. But he can't feel any of it. He only knows he's doing it because he can see the motion out of the corner of his eye. Dan Heng doesn't need to go through the extra effort to do things for him like he would someone with a normal human body.

And Dan Heng goes quiet, just long enough that Boothill gets curious and turns to look at him over his shoulder. He has the cute little furrow between his brows, like when he's thinking.

And then he opens that pretty mouth of his and says, "That's alright, I think I'm doing it for myself, anyway" and Boothill nearly wheezes because wow, Dan Heng is almost never quite that honest when it comes to himself fdklsajlkd

Boothill cackles in surprise and asks point blank what he means, because what could he be getting out of that? Given the implied permission, Dan Heng's hand starts it's usual route again. Side, chest, solar plexus, abdomen, side. Boothill can practically hear him chewing on his words.

"I like that you're warm," is what he finally says, and Boothill suddenly feels like a bullet has just grazed something vital. "All the processes you run increase your temperature," Dan Heng's hand fans out across a span of steel and he holds it there, like he's soaking up the heat. "And your metal is smooth, it feels pleasant to touch," his fingertips move in circles, slip into a divot perfectly sized, rub back and forth. Boothill silently wills one of his cooling fans threatening to open up to stay closed.

"I like how you feel under my hands. That's all." Headshot! No recovery possible.

"...Suit yerself, then," and Boothill quickly turns back over before Dan Heng can see it in his face, how close he just hit to his heart.

[sysig]

Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough