#reminder that i am capable of still being a serious blog on occasion

[hekateinhell]

First, I had to search online to find out what oviposition means. My innocence has been destroyed by the fish fucking fic.

Second, Lestat fertilized Armand. Does that mean armand will carry the eggs or Armand will put them into Lestat??

Anon, I'm crying 😭

I am so sorry for destroying your innocence (although I'm surprised you still had one after reading TVC because that did irreversible damage to me)

It took me a weirdly long time to settle on the lore I wanted with this! Originally I was going to have the creature (Mermand, if you will) lay its eggs by some rocks and bully Lestat into it letting jerk him off over them (amphibians and some kinds of fish do this, like the fertilization happens after the eggs are laid).

But then that would've defeated the point of them having sex at all and that's kind of the story lmao. (Yes, I know, I needed my fishfucking fic to make sense).

But I also remembered sharks — some give birth to live young and others lay fertilized eggs (sharkfucking). So in my head, I decided on: they fuck -> Armand lays the fertilized eggs in a shallow area and watches over them until they hatch. Lestat will be more or less useless here.

Fun fact: some oviparous sharks lay eggs that are called mermaid's purses! And others can look like this.

Imagine Lestat seeing that come out of Armand like- 😨😵‍💫🫣🥺🥵🫠

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier​, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.

(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)

so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji

maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about

oh at least Endeavor is here

A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL

lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT

okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl

SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL

anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy

so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE

LOL look at his face

I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope

good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit

lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up

Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall

oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now

today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess

I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol

oh shit?

so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily

anyway so yeah

the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess

so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation

oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku

please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son

also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus

(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)

Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,

a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it

lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value

well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess

we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol

OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol

lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys

JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES

yes!!

WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”

LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11

anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm

anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy

anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life

AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”

OMG

lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin

OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT

DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG

THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL

OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE

“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE!!!!

omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL

DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE

-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!

YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY

lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then

[twilightofthe]

Aight, one last serious post for a bit. After that I think I might back off on some rants and stuff that I’ve been doing because I created this blog to be a positive place, and tbh, discussing stuff I don’t like just makes me upset, especially since I feel like I’m just shouting into either an unhearing void or at an audience that is watching and is distinctly unimpressed

Basically though, I wanted to apologize for the slightly salty posts I’ve made recently (and one like, yesterday lol) complaining about how people portray Anakin’s intelligence. I realize I came across as critical and accusatory of people who are just having fun and likely mean no harm, and it wasn’t fair of me to be all snappy about it. So yeah, I’m extremely sorry about that. I likely hurt people and that was not my intention. Please have fun and headcanon Anakin as anything you want. I love and support you and even if we can’t agree, we can def still be friends!

But, I will take this opportunity to kinda ramble a bit about my own personal experiences with this, and why I view Anakin the way I do, what his character means to me, and why it’s kinda exhausting sometimes to engage in fandom because I have the misfortune of having the unpopular opinion regarding a character, and how hard it is to respect other people’s takes when it seems that every time I give my own takes, it’s like I’m immediately shot down for them and refuted for the popular opinions, like I’m not allowed to believe this thing myself. Why I sometimes just gotta rant a little bit, and why no one should take it personal or as a criticism of them.

This below all delves very intricately into my own personal mindset and life experiences. It’s personal. Please remember this is a very personal post.

Now, to me, I totally understand Anakin has made every mistake in the world. I know he turns into a monster and hurts/(in)directly kills everyone he’s ever loved. I know that. I’m fully aware that he makes mistake after mistake after mistake. I know he’s a flawed character. I’m not saying he’s perfect. He’s far from it.

But at the same time, I can relate to parts of his character. His anxiety, his upset at not being able to live up to the standards he feels everyone’s putting on him when really no one is but him, the feeling of being constantly on the edge because you feel like your entire life is in a spiral and you don’t know how to stop it and every choice you make out of desperation makes things worse, how everyone around you just keeps making so much better choices and it’s like, why can’t I do that? What’s wrong with me? Why are they always right???????

And I love the fact that canonically, despite his utter disaster-ness, he has the potential to be good, to rise. That he is a canonical Gifted Kid, mega-intelligent but just totally unsure how to direct that so he flounders more often than not unless it’s in relation to his few specific interests, giving the feeling like I’m a fake and really there’s only one thing I’m good for. The need to do ANYTHING for validation from others because that’s what feeds you.

I’ve suffered this same insecurity and anxiety and self-hatred I can see in him my whole life, the same inability to properly manage my life like I’m supposed to and that everyone else seems to have figured out, how I could be so much more if I actually knew how to rise to the occasion instead of constantly crash and burn

I love Anakin so much because he is enough like me that I can sympathize and feel for him, but also different enough that when I see him tear down the path of self destruction, I can feel relief that I’m never at that point, and also sympathy that he fell that far (amidst my anger at him for hurting my other faves lol)

I LOVE that he has that ability to be smart and capable but just doesn’t know how to apply himself all the time, love it so much, and that’s why it’s a struggle sometimes when I feel that every time I try and say something showing off that side of him, like comment on something smart and creative he would have done, or something he HAS done right, immediately there’s people responding to me like UH NO ACTUALLY HE IS NOTHING BUT A PURE DUMBASS :) :) :))))))))))) HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT ABILITY/WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT BECAUSE IT’S TOO SMART/SENSIBLE/GOOD FOR HIS POOR FEEBLE MIND, PERHAPS YOU MEANT SOMEONE ELSE MORE CAPABLE?

I’m not kidding about this. I said Anakin was a good cook once? I immediately got a response saying no, he can’t be, he’s a feral gremlin who eats bugs. I tried to start a convo about him having an emotional/meaningful conversation with one of his loved ones about something because he notices something wrong with them? Someone instantly refuted me because “nah he’s too clueless and oblivious to have that kind of emotional sensitivity ever”. I write something in a fic that shows Anakin doing something cool? In comes a guest commenter passive aggressively with something along the lines of “oh your Anakin is SO MUCH smarter and capable than he should be it’s almost OOC, but I’ll believe it for now haha”

I’ve got more instances I can recount, but I’m stopping here. I totally respect people’s headcanons, and right to have fun, I do. I cannot stress enough that people can and should write what the want. But to me, when it feels like people don’t always want to ever consider my takes on his character, when it’s like fandom is constantly churning out reminders of how much they believe he doesn’t have a brain, well, like

It’s like, when you relate to a character like that and keep getting your opinions and ways to relate shut down by the majority no matter what you do or say, it just feels like everyone is telling me “SMART PEOPLE don’t ever fail at things! People with REAL gifts and talents don’t ever waste them or make mistakes. If you’re struggling, if you crash and burn, if you don’t quite have your life together, it can only mean you’re just plain stupid and a failure for the rest of your life. As a Fool, you can’t ever be considered successful or do something right— because that would be doing something Smart and you have Proven Yourself Dumb. All of your accomplishments and thing you’ve done right can either be attributed to someone else deemed More Capable, or could have been done better by something else, so those good things don’t mean anything. Since you acted the fool once, a fool is all you’ll ever be.”

I’ve struggled with that kind of talk from other people and especially from my own insecurities my entire life.

And I know that’s not what people really mean, I know fans are just sharing their headcanons. I know no one wants to hurt anyone, they’re just making a joke and having fun! I call Anakin a dumbass all the time! SW fandom is 99% good people who just wanna play with their own toys and gush about things that they love! I know this is like 90% good faith!

But it gets harder to believe sometimes the Dumb Anakin headcanons are just innocent headcanons and not genuine beliefs when people Will Not let me have different ones without playfully— or not so playfully —reminding me of how wrong they think I am and what they think about his intelligence level and abilities.

And because my own personal history with anxiety and self-destruction, being overwhelmed with that talk really just hurts, and I will never be able to make that hurt response go away, no matter how irrational it is.

But yeah. That’s how I relate to Anakin. That’s why I see him this way. That’s why I cannot resist complaining sometimes. I’ve been at a very low point recently and these negative thoughts have just been worse so I’ve been more cranky about it, but I promise I won’t bring it up too much.

Thanks for listening.

I’m probs not gonna post anything “rant”-related on here for a very long time— or do my damned hardest to try not to.

[anniviech]

A Bout of Doctor Flu

Pairing: Tentoo/Rose Rating: Gen Summary: The Doctor has hist first cold...

Notes: I’m having a cold myself right now, and since this blog is in major need of some attention, why not cross-post this little one-shot I’ve recently written and posted on AO3 on the occasion? :P It came to be after I came upon this little comic again and spontaneously felt the urge to write the scene out a bit.

Rose stirred the steaming soup in the pot gently a few times before turning her attention from the stove back to the small pile of medication strewn over the kitchen table. She finished going through each of the packets she’d kept from her own last bout of flu, checking the ingredients on them, and ended up with only some throat lozenges that seemed innocuous enough for the Doctor to consume without any worries. It was still better than nothing, she supposed, and took the packet of lozenges with her after filling a bowl with some of the hot soup from the stove, carrying both over to the living room.

The sight that met her as she entered the room left her torn between feeling sorry and somewhat amused at the same time.

The Doctor was lying on his side on the couch, cocooned in a blanket that was wrapped all the way up over his head, a slight frown on his brow and the reddened skin around his nose hinting at his discomfort. Apparently having heard her walk in, he spoke without even opening his eyes.

“Rooose...”

The addressed blonde did her best to bite back an amused smile at the heavily whiny tone in his hoarse voice.

“I think this rubbish body might be dying on me...”

Unable to stop an eye-roll at his over-dramatic claim, Rose set the steaming bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch, catching the Doctor peeking an eye open to see what she was doing.

“It’s just a light fever, Doctor, I’m sure that ‘rubbish’ body of yours will be more than capable of handling it.”

She watched the displeased pout on the part Time Lord’s face deepen at not getting the sympathy he had been fishing for in continued amusement.

“Come on, sit up,” she encouraged. “I made you some nice, hot soup.”

Still pouting and wrapped in his blanket, the Doctor sat up, staring moodily at the soup. “I don’t feel like eating.”

“You really should, though, you’ve barely had anything since yesterday. The soup will top your body up with some nutrients, I made sure to add lots of goodies to it. Mum used to make that for me whenever I got ill when I was younger.”

He frowned. “But I don’t want to! I’m not hungry at all, and everything tastes off and dull anyway.”

“Blimey, you’re worse than Tony!” Rose accused, a little miffed that none of her mothering from the past two days seemed to be even acknowledged by him.

“Am not!”

“You are! He’s been acting a lot more grown up about it, and he’s five!”

“Well, he can take medicine which makes it a lot easier for him, so it’s really not a fair comparison!” the Doctor defended himself.

Rose threw the packet of lozenges at him, watching as his hands reflexively shot out from under the blanket to catch it.

“You can take those to sooth your sore throat.”

Giving her an unimpressed look, the Doctor turned the packet over in his hand. “Fat lot of good that’ll do,” he mumbled while checking the ingredient list.

Rose crossed her arms in front of her chest, feeling her previous amusement and sympathy being replaced more and more by annoyance at his behaviour. “’Thank you for going through the trouble of checking all of the available medication to see what might help ease my situation a bit without being of any potential harm while taking care of my whining self, Rose’ – Why, you are very welcome, Doctor,” the blonde mimicked sarcastically.

The Doctor looked up at that, initial indignation soon replaced by a look of uncertainty on his face as her words seemed to sink in. “Am I really being that bad…?”

Rose felt her annoyance soften again at the miserable sight he made, with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, his sore, red nose and the lost look on his face while he held on to the packet of throat lozenges.

“It’s just that I have rarely felt so out of control over my bodily functions?” he offered. “I know that barely a degree more in temperature might be considered to be just a light fever by human standards, but you have to keep in mind that my physiology still doesn’t quite follow the same set of rules – the effects I’m feeling don’t feel very light at all.”

“Probably because you simply haven’t experienced them before, since your previous full Time Lord physiology used to be ‘above such insignificant things as a cold’,” she quoted.

Sighing at the look on his face, Rose went around the low coffee table to sit down on the couch next to the Doctor, pulling a leg up and bending it on the seat so her body was facing his.

“Look, it’s not that I’m not taking you seriously, Doctor; but the symptoms you’re showing really don’t seem dangerous at all, and are very much comparable to that of a simple common cold. And considering that you most likely got it from Tony and his didn’t turn out to be some severe flu, either, I think it’s safe to say your body is in no grave danger,” she assured him, before adding, “I did warn you not to finish his cocoa while he’s being ill.”

“Yes, thank you very much for reminding me,” the Doctor pouted with a sarcastic roll of his eyes.

Turning more serious, Rose decided to once more broach a topic they had previously disagreed on. “You know, maybe it would be a good idea to let them take some tests at Torchwood, after all?” Seeing his expression shift and expecting immediate protest, she quickly added, “Think about it; we might know for sure then what kind of substances are compatible with your unique physiology and which aren’t – and not just to ease the symptoms of a simple cold, but in case that one day medication might really become necessary. I don’t like the idea of not knowing whether something comparable to aspirin might be able to actually help you or put you in a coma instead.”

“Neither do I,” the Doctor admitted. “But I also don’t like the idea of having an obscure organisation running tests on my body.”

“Doctor, you know very well that this world’s Torchwood isn’t comparable to ours – so calling it obscure in suspicion really isn’t fair, especially since Pete took it over and with me helping in changing things. D’you honestly think I would work with them if they had questionable intentions?” she asked, holding his gaze.

The Doctor sighed, his expression softening. “Of course not. It’s just not easy to ignore all of the history running between them and me...”

“I know, but I promise you it’s not the same Torchwood. And Pete gave us his word that the tests would be kept very low-profile and run by the same, small group of trustworthy people who also do my and mum’s check ups and know about our true background. They’ve proven themselves to be very reliable over the years.”

“I suppose I can at least think about it...” he finally allowed, his voice ending in a rough croak after the amount of talking he’d done.

Smiling at having gotten through to him, Rose took the throat lozenges out of the Doctor’s hand and removed one of the blister packs. “Here, let’s give these a try at least.”

Pushing one of the bright red pills out into his obediently waiting hand, she watched the part Time Lord pop it into his mouth.

“Mmh, not so bad, actually! I think that’s supposed to be cherry,” the Doctor exclaimed while rolling the lozenge around in his mouth. “Thank you for taking care of me, by the way.”

Rose’s smile widened. “You’re welcome.”

Several days later found them getting ready to head over to Torchwood for the first round of very basic tests that the Doctor had agreed on, once he had gotten over the worst of his first feverish cold and come to appreciate how good being mostly back to health felt.

When Rose saw him holding a scarf after having put on his pinstriped blue jacket, though, she came to a stop and gave him a sceptically raised brow.

“Aren’t you going a little overboard there, Doctor? It’s around twenty degrees outside today...” she pointed out, wearing a short sleeved shirt herself at the unusually warm temperature for the season.

Ignoring that last bit of information, the Doctor wrapped the scarf around his neck. “The evenings can get surprisingly chilly now, and I’m not keen on getting that cold back just when I’m starting to feel better.” After finishing wrapping it twice around his neck, he added, “Only got one life with you, Rose Tyler – gotta take care of it!”

Biting back a smile, Rose shrugged at his antics. “If you say so.”

She failed in trying to hide her amusement once they were in the car a bit later, though, when she saw the Doctor taking the scarf off again once he started sweating underneath it, pointedly ignoring her knowing smirks.

[junker-town]

Secret Base Reviews: Amoebic Dysentery

NurPhoto via Getty Images

Many experiences are poopy, but this might be the poopiest

Amoebic dysentery sucks. I don’t think it sucks more than any other kind of dysentery, because all dysentery is bad, but amoebic dysentery is the flavor I have experience with, so it’s what I’m going to talk about.

I don’t know for sure how I picked it up, but I have my suspicions. It was 2012, and I was staying with some relatives in Kampar, Malaysia. They made it very clear that I needed to boil the tap water before brushing my teeth. One night, I forgot.

What I know for sure was that a couple days later, mere hours before my flight from Kuala Lumpur to Seattle, my stomach tensed up while I was in the shower. It didn’t stop.

All was well, if a little uncomfortable, until we reached cruising height. At this point, the pressure did something to my innards, which at first felt like an improvement. My bowels had unclenched. The crisis, or so I thought, was over.

It was ... not. It turns out that the abdominal discomfort was my body desperately attempting to restrain the oncoming catastrophe. Après relâchement, le déluge.

I’ve always been a big baby about being sick. When I have a cold, for instance, I’m reminded that rather than a being of thought and soul, I’m actually mostly a collection of only barely-organized goop. The fact that my sinuses are somehow capable of immiserating me, a grown-ass human being, is something I find personally offensive, and I respond by being generally useless because too busy pouting.

Being reduced to a mechanism, and a faulty one at that, is a distressing experience. It’s especially distressing when you’re so ill — for instance, you might have amoebic dysentery — that the problem consumes your entire personal universe. I have no idea how often I made the trek between the toilet and my (thank god!) aisle seat, but there were several ashen-faced journeys before I gave up and decided that my final home would be a Korea Air A330 bathroom.

My mind was now entirely focused on its new and horrifically limited horizons. I scrutinized every inch of that toilet, searing the color and hue of the various signage into my memory forever. In between, uh, episodes, I’d try to stand up and stretch to give myself a break; on one occasion I distinctly remember saying “once more into the breach, dear friends” to my butt cheeks before sitting down again. Also, and I don’t know where else to put this, airline toilet paper is a cruel affront to both man and God.

I don’t know how I managed to hold it together when the plane started to descend and I had to leave the seat of unease and buckle myself in. I sometimes wonder what my neighbors made of my predicament. A young man had boarded the aircraft and sat down with them, then vanished for several hours only to reappear, wild-eyed and disheveled, as we landed in Seoul.

Not Seattle. Seoul. My travel plans included a 19-hour layover.

I booked a travel hotel entirely to give myself a private bathroom in which to suffer. Dysentery in a grounded bathroom was a more pleasant experience than on a plane, mostly because I could play Angry Birds on my phone while shitting myself to death, but the improvement was only incremental, and I still cannot recommend the experience.

Not that I thought I had dysentery at the time. I didn’t find that out until several days later when a helpful doctor informed me of my predicament. Next, she told me that I needed to keep a large and unpleasant pill down or I was going to be sent to hospital and put on an IV. Honestly, it felt like a relief.

I had missed a week of work, and missing a week of work because you had dysentery felt a lot less silly than “I missed a week of work because I can’t stop pooping and feel really, really bad.” Sure, the mechanics were as shameful as ever, but dysentery is the sort of illness that makes everyone stop worrying about your lack of blog posts and start worrying about whether or not you’re going to be ok. (Just kidding. Nobody at work worried whether or not I was going to be ok. They made Oregon Trail jokes — for the next three years —instead.)

The hours I spent on a toilet while flying into Seoul, on a toilet in Soeul, and on a toilet flying out of Seoul were the lowest point of my life. I am someone who feels their fuckups pretty intensely, and I find that my encounter with serious illness gives me some valuable perspective. Kid stays up all night crying and you’re exhausted the next day? Remember how much worse dysentery was? Hurt someone you love and feel terrible about it? Hey at least you’re not ... you get the picture.

When I finally got to Seattle, I thought my travel ordeal might be over. But I had failed to consider a new kind of toilet hell: the train. It takes about three and a half hours on the Amtrak from Seattle to Portland, and while it’s a comfortable enough ride in normal times, when your innards feel like they’ve spent whole days being gored by some sort of poop rhino, you feel every jolt in the track.

Unlike my abode on the A330, I have no strong memories of the toilet itself. I hadn’t slept in days, hadn’t been able to eat properly, and frankly, I don’t think I had enough brain left to properly process where I was, or even who I was. All I knew was that I was an unpleasantly-perforated meat tube, sitting down in a train and cryshitting.

I arrived in Portland much the worse for the wear. After 48 hours of traveling, spent mostly on the toilet, I finally made it home and clambered into bed. Two hours later, I shat myself.

[princepestilence]

2017′s “worth it” things.

I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that we can learn a lesson from anything. We can give a meaning and a purpose to anything that happens to us, which means even difficult or terrible things might become a catalyst for great and important growth. There’s a saying that god--or whoever we’re blaming for all this--never gives us more than we can handle, but what I believe is that, throughout our lives, we will be faced with moments that again and again will ask too much of us and we have no choice but to rise to the challenge, despite how impossible and insurmountable it might feel. We handle it because that is the only option, and perhaps that proves god right, after all.

Ruminating on this philosophy has been part of my process for making 2017 bearable in the moments where it felt like it was really a bit much, and for a year that was unexpectedly, and at times frighteningly, more difficult than I had anticipated, I think it was necessary for me to have a slightly fatalistic bend to getting through it. What is is what must be. Looking back, I can appreciate that the steep climb of this year was taking me to a better view of myself and life in general. Just as in any decent garden, I can see now how the green and growing things I’m here to cultivate benefit from all the old bodies in the dirt. 

Here’s some things that made this year meaningful for me: 

I’m very proud of my academic successes throughout 2017, partly because there have been so many of them and partly because I wouldn’t have been able to actually imagine any of them even two years ago. I went from awkward, anxious first-year PhD candidate to HDR rep., organiser of several events (HDR symposium, conference, book club), became a tutor for the first time (and got nice feedback from my students), gave my first guest lecture, got work as a research assistant (for someone who isn’t even my supervisor! I was selected because I am, humbly, very good), gave my first conference paper, went to a conference--two, actually--as an academic for the first time and had the most excellent time at both of them, met several important-in-the-field academics and got on with them pretty well, found my people! (started networking for serious--i.e., made a whole heap of new nerd friends), discovered possibilities for my future career as well as got a lot of positive support re: trying for an academic career, became reinvigorated about my research and my thesis and remembered the whole point of this process is to create something that I love and am proud of. I feel more capable than ever. 

I bombed the 3MT this year. That was the worst thing that could happen at the time, but frankly, it’s only made me want to do better next year. I’m good at this and I want to be known for being good at it. I am fully capable of winning, if only I can get my nerves in check. Next year when I go for it, I’m going to be ready. I’m going to look back on this year’s failure as the last time it happened to me, before I became the (exceedingly good) version of me I will be by next year and all years after. 

I played Bastion for the first time (finally!) and absolutely adored it. It’s lighted in me a fire that reminds me that I actually do like to have fun and I deserve to seek out things--games, books, movies, whatever--that bring me delight and experience pleasure for the sake of pleasure, without having to have some justification behind it or bigger picture purpose for enjoying life. 

I made up with a friend I care about very much. I was devastated when I thought it was over, especially since nearly all of my favourite memories of the previous year were with this friend (and our other mutual friend). Figuring out it was all an enormous misunderstanding was the hugest relief. Acting like little kids and saying, “Do you still want to be my friend?” to each other and hearing yes was even better. This year had been lonely without her. 

near the beginning of this year, I shared recordings for the first time ever on this blog, which was a really big deal for me at the time. I’ve always been self-conscious of how I sound, which really clashes with my life-long dream (started when I was about five) of doing audiobook recordings or poetry readings or any kind of audio medium work. I’ve gotten more confident since then--confident enough to seriously work on a new project idea that was suggested by a friend/producer a couple of months back. (I’m not saying it’s a podcast, but. It’s a podcast. I’m very excited about the prospect).

I discovered a lot about myself this year. Most of it, unexpectedly. Much of it, difficult to work through and a struggle to accept. I thought I’d gotten through the worst of it all and was already on the other side, with only blue skies ahead; instead, I found out that, often, when you’ve been through a lot and years ago put all the pain aside to deal with later, the later comes when you finally reach a certain state of stability, safety, and happiness, regardless of whether you want it to happen then or not. You can’t delay it indefinitely, it turns out. It was confusing and upsetting to begin with, while I tried to understand why being happier than ever caused every hateful, hurtful demon to rise up, writhing, out of the past and into my everyday life. It seemed counter-intuitive and deeply unfair that the reason for crashing so spectacularly, repeatedly, was the absence of truly terrible things. There’s a lot more that could be said about this part of my year, which in many ways feels like the biggest and most central theme of it and the underlying purpose of 2017′s narrative arc, but the reason it’s here as a good thing is that I am so much better for having gone through it. I have never been healthier: I had some of the most meaningful, necessary conversations with my therapist ever (probably the most, actually); I finally gathered all the bits of the puzzle I’ve needed to put myself back together again, better; I am more willing than ever to actually look at, to acknowledge, to speak about how I feel, what I’ve lived through, what I’m dealing with; and I’ve learned how to reverse a curse rather than keep hexing myself on someone else’s behalf. This year has been like pouring cold water on a burn. 

at the beginning of this year, I made a resolution to use the nice things I have, and get nice things for myself when I want them. My exact words were, “If using things will ruin them, they deserve to be ruined by you. That’s an honour. They’re lucky. Love yourself the most.” This has been my favourite resolution of the year, I think. Because of it, I’ve lit candles around my bath, and worn my favourite belt, and written in lovely journals, and drank from teacups I was once too precious to risk using for anything less than the most grand of occasions (which almost never happened). It’s becoming a way of life now. 

got my heart broken for the first time. I know that’s probably an odd thing to put on the highlights reel of my year, but. In one way, it’s nice to be participating in my own life in such a normal, banal, real sense: it feels like a rite of passage that somehow I missed earlier. It feels mortal, something I can share with nearly every other person who has ever lived or will ever live. (Now I know I have a heart, says the tin woodsman, because it’s breaking). From a distance, watching myself, I even kind of like it? It’s a new experience, which comes with its own sort of thrill. I’ll write a better heartbreak story from here on for having known this. In another sense, it’s been freeing, because before was without doubt worse for me, and I know it’s for the best that things change. Something else can happen now. I’m hoping someone who can return my feelings will walk into my life eventually. Soon would be nice, of course, but I can wait. It might take a few more heartbreaks between now and then, but that’s okay. This first one was good practice for the future. (I can’t think of anyone I’d have rather been heartbroken over. Thank you). 

a slam poet called Bill Moran changed my future. That is to say: I saw him perform and it was a revelation. He turned my life into before and after, where before I was hungry and lonely and after I had found the missing piece I’d been looking for but couldn’t name or describe. The slam has become something of a religion for me since then; being in the room while poets tell their stories is the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to something genuinely holy. I’ve never felt more okay than when someone is onstage, furious and miserable and spitting bits of hurt onto the audience in these beautiful, pithy verses and everyone is clicking, clicking, clicking. (I spoke to Bill Moran, right before he left. We hugged. I think meeting was meaningful for both of us).

started growing my hair out. I’ve sort of dreamed about doing it for years, but could never commit. I want to be able to wear it in a plait one day, although I’m not sure why that’s my goal. I’ve just always had this longing. 

[angelchristina85-blog]

New Year, New.... Changes?

So here I am... it’s January 18, 2017 and I began 2017 with the goal of getting back into blogging. 18 days later, I’ve created a new blog. Better late than never, huh? My last attempt at blogging was all about Lacy’s battle with cancer. For those wondering, she’s doing pretty well. We talked for quite some time on Christmas day and she sounds pretty dang happy considering the circumstances.

Anyhoo... my first blog post is going to be about my son, Brayden. Simply because my whole life lately has been consumed with this child. I’d be a huge liar if I didn’t say that sometimes he makes me wonder how on earth I thought that I was cut out for this parenting thing. There really isn’t a day that goes by lately that he doesn’t give me some sort of hard time. BUT that’s a kids job after all so I can’t hardly expect things to be a walk in the park. As much as I’d like a daily walk in the park, with this boy it’s more like gambling!

In less than a month Brayden will turn 9. From day one, Brayden has been a challenge. From colic as a baby, to his stubborn toddler days, up until right now he has literally rarely fallen into the “easy” kid category. He’s not that go-with-the-flow kid that slept through the night straight out of the womb. He’s not that kid that is easy-going and laid back when it comes to changes in his world. He is a sensitive, emotional child. A child that cannot understand the variety of emotions that he feels from minute to minute. A child that has a HUGE heart, who loves to please the people he loves but that needs some serious guidance and help understanding this confusing world.

Most recently, he has had a combination of struggles both at school and at home that have been a challenge to handle. He’s always struggled in school, falls behind, gets put into after school programs, extra help reading programs etc. but he just can’t seem to get the hang of school. He messes around in class, he gets into trouble with his friends, he blows through his tests and fails them - simply because he just doesn’t care. He’s what many teachers and parents would probably call the “problem child” in class.

At home, he talks back, doesn’t listen to 90% of what he’s asked to do, has emotional/anger outbursts on occasion and most concerning he’s recently developed aggression towards his younger brothers. The aggression has been a progression from a few instances here and there of him being too rough to completely out of control behavior. Since all of this has happened in a short period of time I was caught in a state of shock and literally had NO idea what to do next. My emotions about everything were all over the place and I just couldn’t understand WHY my kid has turned into this problem child in nearly every aspect of his life. I did the only thing I could think of... I googled “where do I turn in my mommy card?”... okay, kidding but he really did have me wondering what I am to do next.

I started by getting him into a counselor. Brayden has had a lot of changes in his little world in the past few years. He isn’t capable of communicating his feelings or expressing his emotions. He’s always struggled with that issue and no matter how hard I try, sometimes he’s like talking to a brick wall. So my thought was counseling should be a good start. It should teach him to talk, maybe understand more of what is going on with his brain and body and hopefully the counselor can help me also. I know I’m not a perfect parent and I am sure there are plenty of ways I could better myself to be a better parent to my poor boy, who just can’t seem to get it together.

We did the first session of counseling, which resulted in a packet full of information and questionnaires to be filled out by the parents and teacher to test for ADD/ADHD. This isn’t the first time the mention of this has came up - the first time was in 1st grade and the 2nd time was at this year’s parent-teacher conference. Needless to say, I wasn’t shocked that the counselors response to everything I told him during the appointment was to test him for ADD. I will admit I was a bit frustrated by this. Mostly because when Brayden is put under pressure to perform, HE DOES! He is capable of focusing on things, he’s capable of acting right and he’s capable of sitting still.... when he wants to. That’s the thing. This kid is smart beyond his years and if he thinks the teacher isn’t going to tell me about his behavior, he acts out. When he has pressure put on him and knows that Mom knows everything, he’s SO much better.

IT IS. SO. FRUSTRATING.

Because of his parent-teacher conference this year, I expected the teacher’s paperwork to reflect that he has some concerning symptoms of ADD but what I read completely shocked me. The scoring system for ADD/ADHD tendencies is 1 through 5 - 1 being that you’ve never experienced these symptoms and 5 being that you see the symptoms multiple times per hour. Literally, 85% of Brayden’s scores from his teacher were 4′s and 5′s, meaning that many times per day and per HOUR this kid is acting out, needing reminders, being told to sit down etc. I cannot even being to imagine how annoying that must be for his teacher but beyond that, I was a bit concerned that my child is that much of a problem in class and I’m not being told about it. I understand that the teacher has a lot of kids (probably too many) to deal with but if you are telling my child to focus or do something multiple times PER HOUR, that is a serious problem that I feel I should be made aware of. Especially because we have been in constant communication about Brayden’s school work and behavior since his parent teacher conference.

Where it stands now, I’ve gotten all the paperwork returned to me and ready to be turned in. He needs to complete a computer test to finish the testing requirements then everything will be submitted to a psychologist to determine his diagnosis. In the meantime, we have future counseling dates scheduled, a 4 week positive parenting class in February and an 8 week behavior class for Brayden that starts in March. I have also been researching other options for schooling because at this point, I feel like Brayden is heading for failure if he remains in the traditional public school system. Whether it’s ADD, being bored or his lack of concern, school just isn’t his thing. I’m hoping that these schools I’ve been in contact with can help Brayden enjoy learning and find ways to keep him focused and entertained. I have tours scheduled at each school in the next two weeks so more on that topic will come later.

So thanks for reading! It’s been a month full of ups and downs, emotional rollercoasters, frustration and concern. But here I am. Still being a parent (Thanks for nothing, Google).

On a much better note, look at this handsome kid. He has a heart of gold, he is SO sweet, he cares about his family, he’s smart, witty and so much fun to be around. I love him so dang much. And since I know all of that, I know we will get through this tough time. Blood, sweat and tears (and poopy diapers).... that’s what parenting is full of.

Much love,

*Angel*

[verascreed-blog]

timestamp (just the about)

About.

Vera is a child agent/soldier of the Russian government and considering whatever organization she may have been working under or to make her family proud? Conditioning a little girl to kill herself if she failed by every means that she is better off being adopted and rehabilitated. Being a child spy or soldier is not glamorous and nor will it be romanticized on this blog.

Notable traits: rosy cheeks, slight albinism with the white hair. Icy blue eyes and darker blue pupils. Sharper and thicker canines above normal due to recessive genes.

Name: Vera.

Age: 11

Height: 5'1

Gender: Trans female.

Race: Slavic Russian.

Abilities:

Vera is incredibly skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but most likely more deadly at the moment with actual weaponry considering that needs less muscle to use unless for high caliber rounds and so on. Meaning Vera’s aim is deadly and precise as shown with multiple weapons.

To go into the capability of Vera? She was able to leap around 15-20 feet in the confrontation behind Nurf and latch onto him mid-air, then promptly choke him out. That takes an immense amount of strength and skill to do that precisely which not even a real life person could probably do, which goes to my further prompt is that she’s an elite agent with cartoon logic training of a secret organization within Russia, as no current cells or organizations I’m aware of openly operate with child agents or soldiers in Russia. I imagine her training was intense and probably beyond inhumane for what was done to her to strengthen her body, endurance, pain tolerance then sporting incredible skill in combat and mental conditioning along with amazing agility. So yes, combat ability in any verse is immense, along with strength rivaling above or slightly below Nurf’s.

I DO… headcanon that she was toying with Nikki when going to stab her from the immense strength it would take to leap like that on Nurf. And that’s mainly from the comment she made so do expect her to have Nurf levels of strength or slightly below as I will say again.

She had torture resistance training mentally and physically so yes, she has been tortured extensively in case of ever being captured herself. Albeit not all countries would torture Vera if this ever did occur and probably just rehabilitate her- not gonna get all edgy up in here because that’s actually what would happen and has happened in the past for child soldiers and agents. And furthermore she has been brainwashed into killing herself should she fail and to a great extent? I have decided to have her been taking mind-controlling drugs that are advanced enough to mold her mind, but not damage or destroy it in the process like actual ones that exist. This made it easier to control her for her caretakers and in any verse where she’s without access to them, she has withdrawal (Other than her ‘The shifting Hunter.’ verse) and can get really sick without them and needs a mock copy so she can be weaned off it eventually.

Of course she still has free will and can make independent decisions. Like there’s nothing actually controlling her other than herself and what she’s learned. So yeah.

Likes:

Murder, torture, getting a job done. Food. Weapons. Action movies. Sweets. Sparring, training, learning new techniques. Friends. Family.

Personality:

Loyal, sadistic, somewhat reserved when hiding nature. Outgoing, can be cheery and then serious and threatening in a blink.

What is she armed with:

Always carries several knives and large throwing axes that can function in multiple ways.

Carries a suppressed handgun, possibly explosives on occasion.

Her watch can store data and scan things, also has an emergency one time use of a bullet it can fire from the side.

More to be added or changed for rps as plot elements develop. Vera is highly capable of stealing money, materials and others. (Reminder that this list is not limited to simply just this but to give a general idea)

Backstory:

(This has themes to it that CANNOT be avoided and would be erasing how the government in Russia treats LGBT people along with society. It does not reflect the exact situation of it, but I can’t imagine my Vera specifically being in a good situation. So warning, this has some heavily triggering themes if you’re LGBT+ but this is to not erase anything bad about it, as it would play a part in it so I am sorry that this can’t be avoided as a topic as erasure is just as bad)

(This story is subject to change)

The fate of Vera’s parents remains unknown, but she was taken as a young trans LGBT+ youth at the age 6 and used in training for elite, highly efficient but expendable agents that can be disposed of either in suicidal missions or at the first sign of failure. She is seen mostly as a tool and a weapon to her superiors but is valued as well as a great asset, though she does have close relations to some of them that are fond of her. (Do note that these people are absolutely awful regardless for how they treat Vera, I want no other misinterpretation that they might be good)

[suzannemcappsca]

Brexit irritators – Davis and Barnier on negotiation

Charlie Irvine

Negotiation teachers often scratch their heads looking for scenarios to engage students – something realistic, complex and with high enough stakes to motivate participants. Recently it came to me that we in the UK are sitting on a negotiation goldmine. The Brexit negotiations are certainly real, arguably the most complex we’ve ever undertaken and have dizzyingly high stakes. But what about the people leading them? One imagines Michelle Barnier (for the EU) and David Davis (for the UK) would go out of their way to forge a constructive working relationship. Surprising, then, to witness their irritation, often publicly expressed (see for example “Barnier Accuses Britain of Being Nostalgic”). What might the irritators be?

Neil Rackham and colleagues conducted detailed research which, though dated, still sheds light on the characteristics of skilled negotiators.1)Neil Rackham, John Carlisle, (1978) “The Effective Negotiator — Part I: “The Behavior of Successful Negotiators., Journal of European Industrial Training, Vol. 2 Issue: 6, pp.6-11 jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_1033_1").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_1033_1", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", fadeOutSpeed: 100, predelay: 400, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); Their method was straightforward: find the most successful negotiators and observe what they do. They had three criteria for “successful”. These negotiators had to be highly rated by both sides, have a track record of significant success over a period of time and a low incidence of implementation failures – in other words the deals should stick. In the end the researchers identified 49 “successful” negotiators and compared the way they conducted 103 negotiation sessions with those of a group of “average” negotiators.

The findings are fascinating. By recording whole meetings the researchers were able to identify particular terms and moves used more (or less) frequently by the successful negotiators. Among the most striking were “irritators.” These are not head-on attacks: “Most negotiators avoid the gratuitous use of direct insults or unfavourable value judgments.” It’s worth quoting the definition of irritators in full: “Certain words and phrases which are commonly used during negotiation have negligible value in persuading the other party but do cause irritation.” 2)Rackham and Carlisle 1978, p. 7 jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_1033_2").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_1033_2", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", fadeOutSpeed: 100, predelay: 400, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] }); Examples are phrases like “generous offer’ or use of words like “fair” or “reasonable” to describe one’s own proposal. Here’s the catch: it’s those on the OTHER side of the table who need to decide how generous, fair or reasonable the offer is. These forms of “self-praise” are worse than useless. They’re unlikely to convince anyone and will probably “irritate the other party because of the implication that they are unfair, unreasonable and so on.”3)Ibid p. 7 jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_1033_3").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_1033_3", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", fadeOutSpeed: 100, predelay: 400, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] });

While even skilled negotiators succumb to irritators on occasion, Rackham and colleagues found they employed just over 2 per hour of speaking time. The average negotiators used nearly 11 irritators per hour. The conclusion? “Most people fail to recognise the counter-productive effect of using positive value judgements about themselves and, in doing so, implying negative judgements of the other party.”4)Ibid p. 7 jQuery("#footnote_plugin_tooltip_1033_4").tooltip({ tip: "#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_1033_4", tipClass: "footnote_tooltip", effect: "fade", fadeOutSpeed: 100, predelay: 400, position: "top right", relative: true, offset: [10, 10] });

So how do M Barnier and Mr Davis measure up? Of course we don’t have access to transcripts of their face-to-face discussions. It’s probably a forlorn hope that they are being retained as a rich source for future negotiation scholars. However, even a brief skim of public pronouncements over the past few months reveals a tendency to succumb to the “irritator” temptation.

On their personal comportment: Davis: “In British politics, I’m not so friendly; in Europe I’m courteous” (Telegraph, 29/9/17). Barnier: “There will be no hostility on my side.” (EU Press Release, 19/6/17); “I think I have shown the typical calm of a mountaineer… If I ever truly get angry, you will notice it” (Telegraph, 31/8/17).

On the virtues necessary for effective negotiation: Davis: “…our discussions this week have exposed yet again that the UK’s approach is substantially more flexible and pragmatic than that of the EU” (Telegraph, 31/8/17). Barnier: “thank you for your patience, which is a critical virtue for any negotiation” (Mail Online, 21/7/17).

When it comes to the use of “self-praise” Mr Davis simply relayed the words of his Prime Minister, Theresa May: “The UK’s position represents a fair and serious offer…” (BBC News, 22/6/17). M Barnier was more than a match: “EU positions clear and transparent since day one” (Barnier tweet, 21/8/17).

Unsurprisingly these professional politicians are capable of great subtlety, leaving one to wonder whether the irritation was intended or incidental. When it came to teaching lessons on the technicalities of negotiation, M Barnier asserted: “That’s what we call sequencing.” (FT, 13/6/17). With slightly forced positivity Mr Davis later said: “Let’s continue to work together constructively to put people before process” (Business Insider, 31/8/17). A more recent lesson from M Barnier, “We intend to teach people… what leaving the single market means” (BBC News, 3/9/17), isn’t so much self-praise as a weary schoolteacher spelling out very dark consequences for pupils persisting in wayward conduct.

Like many others I read Rackham’s research with huge chagrin, a dawning recognition of all the times I’ve carelessly employed irritators. It also reminded me of being told I was receiving “generous” offers and thinking “I’ll be the judge of that.” When it comes to the Brexit negotiation I am, along with millions of UK citizens and hundreds of millions of EU citizens, a concerned observer. I want it so succeed but I don’t know what success looks like. I hope that our representatives will drop the irritators and focus instead on things that make negotiation more fruitful. Future blogs will return to the wisdom of Rackham and his colleagues.

References   [ + ]

1. ↑ Neil Rackham, John Carlisle, (1978) “The Effective Negotiator — Part I: “The Behavior of Successful Negotiators., Journal of European Industrial Training, Vol. 2 Issue: 6, pp.6-11 2. ↑ Rackham and Carlisle 1978, p. 7 3, 4. ↑ Ibid p. 7

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[makeste]

some asks about BnHA 241 and 240 and then some random other asks

I agree with this completely, anon (especially given his attitude throughout the rest of the chapter), but I didn’t edit my initial response since I think there’s a good likelihood that he still deadpanned the line despite being 100% sincere. one could say he was Accidentally Sarcastic. anyways yeah, Todoroki Shouto is a disaster more at 11. 

(but also, he’s totally right and Bakugou is in full-blown denial over their blossoming friendship. because he already decided that they’re Not Friends, and thus he has to actively work to maintain that status now. which Todoroki is making very difficult these days! can you fucking do your part to keep the fucking rivalry going, Icy-Hot?? can you at least try?? why does he have to do all the work. sometimes he forgets for a moment and Todo catches him off guard and he responds normally without thinking and doesn’t realize it until later, and god. why is everything and everyone so stupid.)

I have not forgotten (though I did mix up Pixie-Bob with Mandalay though woop)! and that annoyed me too. we only have like six female pros out there as it is. why do half of them (looking at you too, Midnight) have to be mildly sex-crazed. I know it’s not serious and they’re not actually being serious, but still, is it really asking so much to get some female pros whose eccentricities are less specifically tailored to common male fantasies. you’re a fucking hero Pixie-Bob! you’re a fucking earthbender and you’re hot as heck. why are you so worried about not being able to Get A Man. with Mt. Lady it at least fits more with her general personality from what we’ve seen, I guess. anyways, y’all know I love like 98% of this series, but this is part of the 2%, so. it is what it is.

Tomura is Endgame Thanos, a.k.a. the most sinister and most genuinely frightening of the Thanoses. this really isn’t on track to end well sob.

ah, my bad. (regardless, it was still dramatic af.)

I think she’s a six-year-old (?? she seems six-ish, idk) girl who was terrified of her father and trying to stay under his radar (which was frankly the smart thing to do based on what we’ve seen), and was trying to teach her younger brother how to do the same, and I don’t blame her at all for throwing Tenko under the bus (if that’s indeed what happened); I’m sure she just panicked and didn’t mean it. she’s just a kid. -- was just a kid. anyways she was super cute and would have made a fucking awesome hero, and her death is easily the one I’m still the most raw about out of that whole fucking nightmare. I’m not getting over that. I want her to still be alive; at one point I was convinced of a conspiracy theory that AFO had secretly spared her too (because two Shimura heirs to manipulate are better than one), and Tomura only believed that she was dead due to his fragmented memories. but that seems less likely post-chapter 236.

so yeah, I’m still very upset about this. she was good and kind and loved her brother and had a lot of spirit and she did not even remotely deserve what happened to her.

thank you so much!! one of the best parts of fandom is interacting with other people and reading everyone’s different takes and theories. lord knows I miss a lot of stuff when I read, even when I’m trying very hard to pay attention. so I love when other people point stuff out and bring up ideas I hadn’t thought about.

also! without exception, every single person I’ve ever interacted with in this fandom on tumblr has been polite and courteous and civil as fuck, even on the occasions when we disagree, and I absolutely can’t take credit for that. people are just cool. so thank you everyone. (and particular shoutout to @thequietmanno1, who for some reason I can’t tag, but whom this ask is almost certainly referring to specifically.)

lmao anon this made my fucking day. thank you!!

all right, here goes!

a) this is possible for sure in that as a rule, I never put anything past AFO, and I don’t doubt for a second he’d be capable of this. but, it would kind of suck though. specifically it would suck for Tomura, who’s only just starting to come into his own at long last, and who has gone through quite a lot to get to this point. like, that would be devastating to see him reduced to a literal puppet after all of that. and if it did happen, I don’t know what the odds would be of him actually being “saved” after that (All Might at least would try, but I can’t see anyone else being concerned enough to bother. well except for the rest of the League, come to think of it. that could be interesting), and I’d be really sad if that ended up being how he went out. these things usually don’t end up working out too well for the body snatchee.

plus, this also hinges on whether or not AFO is capable of transferring his quirk to Tomura’s body. if not, there’s no way he’d take the tradeoff, regardless of how powerful Tomura’s own quirk has become at this point. that would just be a really bad deal. like trading the cow for beans, except these ones aren’t even magic beans, just like. normal beans. but if he does have a way of transferring the AFO quirk, then yeah. although he could take anyone’s body then if that was the case, and I can think of a few targets who just might be even more tempting than his protege. All Might’s protege, for one. ...you know what, this line of thinking is starting to get a little too horrifying so let’s move on to the other theory lol.

(b) a few people have mentioned the Shimura Momo theory to me, but to be totally honest, I can’t see much of a logical basis for it other than them bearing a slight resemblance and having similar hairstyles. Inko has also been brought up as potentially being related to Nana for the same reasons. it’d be cool, no doubt, but for me, I need more evidence than just that. I just don’t see how this would advance the plot or the characters’ storylines in any meaningful way. I guess it could potentially tie Momo in more to the central plot, but it’d be kind of a weird way to do it, idk.

then again I’m one to talk, because until fairly recently I was on board with Hagakure of all people turning out to be a Shimura (Hana, to be specific). she’s the traitor, she’s invisible, we never did find out what Hana’s quirk was, and this would mean that Hana was still alive this whole time which would be GREAT, because seriously fuck you Horikoshi!! but yeah that doesn’t seem likely now either. dammit.

anyway, so I’ll just say that both of these theories are possible, but for me personally, in order to be sold on a specific theory I need to be able to see how it logically fits within the storyline and how it moves the story forward. like, Dabi being Todoroki Touya is something I’m 100% on board with, because that’s an established mystery in the series (who is Touya, what happened to him, who is Dabi, etc.), and Dabi fits into place with the evidence we have, and it gives us a lot of Todoroki drama and gives Endeavor and Shouto a personal connection to the Leagu... Pliff. but for something like the Momo theory, I would need there to be some indication that there’s a third sibling we don’t know about, and some hinting about there being more to Momo’s past than we know, and right now I don’t see either of those things, so it’s hard to get on board. hopefully that makes sense.

anon I really like that you phrased this as an inevitability lol. (and I am 100% on board.)

assuming this happens at the very end of the series, I like to think Tomura and the rest of his gang will manage to “escape” the heroes (“oh no... Tomura... he’s getting away... this is awful... somebody stop him” meanwhile no one is making even the slightest effort to move lol), at which point they will live the rest of their lives happily ever after as Lovable Outlaws and All-Around Scamps. like, maybe they’ll still commit some crimes, but they won’t be like serious crimes or anything. they’ll have more of a Guardians of the Galaxy vibe, maybe. I want them to be happy and I don’t want them to go to jail even though they’re teeeeeeeechnically murderers, I GUESS (look, nobody’s perfect!!). but maybe they steal the occasional priceless artifact and inadvertently wind up saving the world. seems like the best compromise.

lol I don’t know what this means either. like in the way a Youtuber has their own brand?? or like Frito-Lays. idk all I really do is talk a lot about an extremely popular manga, so I don’t think that’d really count?? I’m fine with this just being a little tumblr discussion blog haha.

so I’ve gotten like a half dozen asks and messages about this lol. (someone actually told me a very specific detail about said past! so just to remind everyone, I’m spoiler-free on Vigilantes right now guys, I’m sorry. I know it’s no fun.) I regret to admit that I still have not yet gotten around to it. I don’t know what it is, but I’m having a lot of trouble reading new stuff right now. I tried to start the other new BnHA spin-off which @temperatezone told me about (and btw no I did not know about it, so thank you!!) (and also! BnHA has THREE SEPARATE FUCKING SPIN-OFFS right now, how fucking crazy is that. like, I don’t want to accuse a manga series of literally trying to take over the world, but!! seriously that’s just insane), which has an amazing premise, but I haven’t had time/been in the right mindset to start that yet either. it sucks. I’m sorry. I’m working on it. ;;

press f to pay respects to what could have been, guys. they literally had it all. class, an ironic acronym, you name it. and now it’s just PLF. the Iron Patriot of villain organization names.

[roadswewalk]

Time to lay some ghosts

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.

- Elizabeth (Bennet) Darcy in Pride & Prejudice

[Disclaimer: Though far from my usual content, this is not an anti-Johnlock post, and it is not informed by TFP spoilers.  It’s also not the new normal for my blog: we’ll be back to gifs and stupid jokes soon.]

I want to enjoy the possible last episode of my favorite show, and that means letting go of some expectations.  This is largely a personal post that I’m writing to clarify my own thoughts and prepare mentally for TFP, but perhaps it may also help anyone who is dealing with shaken assumptions and unwanted or unexpected developments from T6T & TLD.  If it does, then I’ll be glad.  Anyone can feel free to reach out at any time with questions or just to talk about the show.  I joined this fandom to engage with people, and I’m entering a strange interval where I have unusually minimal real-life obligations.

This post has two parts.  Part one: notes on some specific theories that I’m finally rejecting post-TLD.  Part two: thought process and personal attitude, for context.  Skip part two if you don’t care - unless part one pisses you off, in which case I’d appreciate the chance to explain myself.  That is, if anyone reads any of it at all.  ;)  All under the cut.

And yes, I realize many fans are well beyond this point mentally and emotionally:

Well, Watson, we can but possess our souls in patience and see what the hour may bring.

- Sherlock Holmes in The Adventure of the Three Garridebs

Conclusion: Bring it on, dads.  You’re still pretty cool.  Just don’t embarrass me unforgivably.

Or, if you’re indeed about to jump the shark, please do it at the climax of an epic jet-ski chase, replete with risk, loyalty, danger, hair dye, big coats, romance, gorgeous smiles, splashy effects, lame puns, excessive guns blazing, and impossible physics amazing.  Well, you’ve promised the first few, anyway.

The ghosts I am laying to rest

Context: I am hiding from spoilers from the TFP screening (and apparently the Russian leak, WTF), so I don’t know as much as others right now, including what’s been confirmed or not.  A bit of mood has filtered through from my activity feed (e.g no one’s laughing at Eurus jokes, or laughing much at all, or engaging with vague new theories).   But I can’t draw specific conclusions from that, and otherwise I have no idea.

Knowing the nature of most of my followers, let me start by saying that I consider all of these theories to be logically separate from the basic possibility of canon Johnlock.  I know some people feel differently, and have more elaborate theories that depend on certain characters being revealed in certain ways, etc.  I won’t write “why Johnlock could still happen” for each item below.  In general, it’s just this: it can be simpler than that, and still work.  A hundred thousand fanfics have proven that.  As a reminder, I am not a committed TJLC believer, though that’s not saying much, as I’m skeptical of everything - see part two for explanation.

I have flirted with these theories to varying degrees, but never actually invited them out for a foot chase or Chinese food.  Most I’ve never even mentioned on here, primarily for lack of time, for coming too late to the fandom, or because I had nothing unique to add.  So my comments in dismissing them are accordingly brief, and may come across as blunt.  In all cases I’d be at least intrigued to be wrong - and knowing our writers, most likely pleasantly surprised as well.

Mary: She’s dead.  This was part of the consequences we were promised for Sherlock and John’s insane lifestyle.  And as awkward as the death scene was, John’s grief in the moment and throughout TLD was real.  I’m letting her rest in peace.  That includes leaving her murder case closed.  It was shocking (in part for not being shocking enough), but was heralded adequately by the episode, the creators, and television history.

Mary as villain, Moriarty associate, etc.: Speaking of peace, there is by now plenty of textual evidence for Mary as a sympathetic character.  The evidence for her villainy remains subtextual or subject to interpretation, and the challenges to her personality were always emotionally charged.  As I’ve said elsewhere, the explanation given by the show for her shooting Sherlock is entirely acceptable within the show’s established boundaries.  Even as a temporary romantic obstacle in a romance, she still wouldn’t qualify as a villain.

Anti-Johnlockary friendship: This is closely related to the above.  Sherlock genuinely liked Mary, valued her judgment, and wanted John to be happy with her.  This was clearly shown both textually and subtextually in TSoT and T6T.  In T6T when he was anticipating his death, he may have even hoped that she would pick up where he left off, after.  Her importance to John can’t be made clearer than in TLD.  Meanwhile her advice to Sherlock in that episode is not really more ridiculous than what Sherlock did to himself the day after he met John Watson.  The teasing between the three of them is pretty typical of mature, clever, close friends, in my experience.

Lazarus was false: The creators have said on a few occasions that they wished they had been as clever as the fans.  Perhaps this is one case of it.  But in the end, they wrote a television ending for a television show.  Again, it’s acceptable within the show’s established boundaries.  And after they dug up the characters’ feelings again but not the details of the act, I’m convinced the Lazarus explanation did indeed survive the fall (and the hiatuses).

Sherlock has been depressed and dabbling in drugs since TEH, and his increasingly elaborate mind palace sequences are the result: My own theory, though not something I’m desperately attached to.  Now that I’ve definitely seen Sherlock deducing on drugs, it’s clear the writers were just having fun with their own trope, previously.

Continuity errors, set choices, and plot holes indicate T6T and TLD are not real: My immediate instinct with T6T was reliable narrator, at least to the extent that Sherlock is capable of it.  Without adopting preconceptions based on other theories, that remains the most fitting explanation.  The twists in this episode were not as deep as usual, perhaps because the show had an extra agenda of “consequences” to communicate.  The housekeeping episodes are always a bit of a mess, anyway.  As for TLD, we now have textual examples of how the creators handle drug-induced hallucination and memory distortion.  We have the first serious misfortune contemplated by the show as well as massive character development in the span of these two episodes.  Audiences would not accept their reversal, and the writers knew and intended this when writing.  cf bullets below for opinions on the potential “mistakes”.

EMP or any other (TD12 etc.) massive retcon/rehash stretching into previous seasons: They wrote “it was all a dream” once, and even then, Sue and Benedict were hesitant to sign on, critics were unimpressed, and some casual fans were alienated.  Even with 26 pages of dialogue between Mycroft and Sherlock in TFP, with flashbacks throughout, it wouldn’t be possible to go back and re-interpret major events from multiple seasons.  The questions raised in T6T and TLD alone will be difficult to address in just one episode (because there’s still whatever new plot they devised, as well).  In the end, there’s also the simplest question: why would you want this now?  We have enough character development, enough beautiful moments, and enough mind-fuckery to be going on with.

Adlock as a central focus: This isn’t a popular theory, but it may be a common if unacknowledged fear.  The way Irene’s re-introduction in TLD was handled - as leverage for a scene about John and Sherlock’s friendship - makes me confident that anything further to do with her would be sideplot, comic relief, or tension release at best.  But (branching into pure speculation here) based on what the writers have said in the past, I think it most likely she’ll remain a mysterious yet absent symbol of the ambiguity that defines part of Sherlock’s appeal.

Mega flashbacks of Johnlock scenes: Honestly I’ve never really been on board with this.  The fact that the creators have had to remount expensive scenes like the fall and the tarmac for subsequent seasons proves that they just don’t plan this far ahead when writing and shooting.  In any case, logistically, there is simply not time to fit it in now.

Finally, the one that hurts the most.  Johnlock as television history / groundbreaking representation: If they’re not doing Johnlock, they’re doing it wrong.  But unfortunately, if they’re doing Johnlock, they’re also doing it wrong.  All the metas about romantic character arcs, slow burn, and audience manipulation to combat heteronormativity were absolutely right.  Series 4 was the time to draw this story together, or at least to build it to its climax.  At this point, a S4 Johnlock resolution would have to be addressed so quickly (because there’s so much else to address already in TFP), it would blindside casual fans, not convince them that it’s what they were seeing all along.  It would come across as one more rug pull, and would be derided with all the vitriol that this fandom has been intercepting in the meantime.  We didn’t join this game only to be met with a moving or shrinking target.  Could they still do it in series 5?  Maybe.  They introduced enough estrangement and other darkness that delaying relationship progression now makes actual emotional sense.  But the show is at its peak influence right now, they’ve never been assured of a 5th series, and the writers have admitted that their plans for series 5 amount to little more than notes.  Canon Johnlock is possible, but I think they’ve missed their chance to make history with it.

How I got here

None of you know me personally, and I almost never post this type of thing.  So if anyone’s reading it, some background is called for.  Let’s start with the impersonal bit, which you might have a chance of relating to.

As a television audience, we have to draw a line: where do we suspend disbelief?  Some shows make this decision easy, but Sherlock makes it nearly impossible.  We either draw the line generously, redraw it constantly, or commit to endless (fun?) mental anguish.  In defense of generosity, and to avoid the disappointment and evasion of declaring it all “bad writing”, it’s important to keep these facts in mind:

The show is written by committee, pass-the-pen style, so inconsistencies in characterizations and plot logic are bound to occur, even with the head writers vetting everything.

The writers’ commitment to shocking rug pulls and the attendant necessity of obsessive secret-keeping mean that some writing choices exist in a critical vacuum, unexamined and un-analyzed except by the core creators.   Market research is impossible here, and history illustrates the many potential pitfalls of this approach.

The show’s influence is outsize and its quality is tremendous in comparison to its relatively tiny budget and production team.  We ARE watching low-budget network television, so expectations need to align.

The fandom vastly outnumbers the production crew, and vastly outspends it in both (re)creative and analytic effort, so we’re bound to catch more details than they do.

Some members of fandom also vastly exceed the creators in cleverness and creativity.  I’m constantly astounded by the intelligence, imagination, and critical capacity of the fans, and between you and me, that is saying something.  Our creators are clever and imaginative, but they’ve got nothing on some of you.

At the core of that production team is a nepotistic hive mind.  It’s not nice, but it’s true.  There is definitely a virtuous circle, a positive feedback loop, going on.  Part of this is borne of the secret-keeping, part of the low budget, and part of the usual human tendencies to value our own, to seek comfort, and to submit to confirmation bias.

The writers and actors have admitted to not fully developing backstories before jumping into the scripts [BC] [AA].  I actually thought Benedict must have been lying in that NPR interview (or trying to wind Steven up) when I first read it, but later interviews have confirmed it.  Our best fanfic writers take backstory more seriously than this, so we should expect OOC moments.

The writers don’t often use consultants, even where they obviously should and easily could.  Plenty of unnecessary mistakes happen when you don’t ask for help.

Various breaks in the show’s own internal logic suggest that the writers also didn’t bother to map this out fully before they began.  They firmly believe that Sherlock “exists in a slightly exaggerated version of our own universe“, so they make assumptions accordingly.  Except, obviously there are huge differences between the Sherlock universe and the real world.  They simply go unacknowledged, with little or no explanation offered to help fans make sense of them.  We’re meant to let them pass unhindered over our suspension lines.  Rowling’s or Tolkien’s meticulously-planned fantasy world this is not.

Our creators are nonetheless at the top of their crafts, producing an entertainment product that never fails to be unique, surprising, visually stunning, mentally engaging, and emotionally wrenching.  The original reason we (most of us) are here is still this amazing show.

And now for the personal part.  First, it’s my policy to let entertainment enhance my life, but never to ruin it.  If that sounds flippant, know that it’s something of a self-preservation tactic: part of managing a tendency to depression.  It’s also my policy to believe nothing without proof.  I’m heavily influenced by scientific skepticism, and prefer “reliable and valid [conclusions] to ones that are comforting or convenient”.  That makes me an extreme outlier among humans, let along among conspirators, which is why I say that my non-belief in TJLC has little bearing on anything.  Theory-wise, I don’t have a lot of chips on the table - most of mine are partly crack or lightly researched.  I do have personal investment in queer representation in media.  I even have a little bit of money on the table for this show.  But not all my eggs are in this basket: I’ve always believed that it’s a larger battle than this one show can wage (again, self-preservation).

As for enhancing my life, I had a blast watching TLD.  But I was strung out, panicked, and somewhat disengaged watching T6T.  The quality of writing and nature of the episodes can partly account for it, but when I examine my own mind, I know that a huge part of that was expectations.  I came to TLD after a week of overwhelming work obligations.   I’d had to abstain from the fandom, had missed nearly all the theories and analysis, and brought mainly my own impressions of T6T with me.  By contrast, I came to T6T fully steeped in fandom culture and theory (mostly TJLC), having spent a shocking fraction of my December devouring meta, analyzing promo material, making a fanvid, rewatching multiple times, and even leaking a bit of content.  My first impression was “difficult to engage with”, and I was constantly distracted with thoughts of the fandom - this despite the fact that I usually have no problem forgetting outside life while I’m consuming entertainment.  It was depressing, and literally for my own sake, I can’t afford to get depressed.

The simple explanation is that my expectations were too high and too specific.  In a brief career in corporate America that included marketing work, I learned that the key to avoiding failure in almost any human interaction is managing expectations.  Cynical, but true.  It’s a valuable life lesson, though, and one that I guess I am lucky to have learned so early.  I am now something of a career traveler, and the same truth holds: when I travel to a new place for the first time with sketchy plans and low expectations, I never fail to be amazed.  High expectations frequently result in disappointment.  I do know to apply this truth to entertainment consumption, as well, but I was a little swept away in the fervor pre-T6T.  I’m trying not to make that mistake again.

The name of my blog is meant to represent how I engage with this show, and indeed with everything.  Challenging my own perspective frequently and rigorously is important to my worldview and self-worth.  Quotes to live by include “the un-examined life is not worth living”, “an echo chamber is a reassuring womb but no place to live”, and “the surest way to corrupt a youth is to teach him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently” (paraphrased, you can Google ‘em).  I pursue multiple interpretations (roads) simultaneously, compartmentalizing to avoid cognitive dissonance. The demons beneath are the perils of committing to any one path without justification: dangerous to theorize without data and all that.

Over the years, so few fan theories have been borne out by the show.  That’s not any kind of shade on fandom.  If anything, it proves how wondrous and limitless is human imagination.  I’ve enjoyed reading theories so much, I wonder if there is anything to do with Sherlock, or indeed anything nerdy under the sun,  that wouldn’t entertain me.  (Yes, I used to read the dictionary as a child.)  But Moftiss have shown time and again that their idea of a great television story is simpler, more traditional, and more worthy of an old white man than what the fandom tends to imagine.  So I’m taking them at their word for most of the previous episodes, and resetting my expectations in hopes of at least being entertained, if not validated and delighted, by tomorrow’s episode.

(Actual conclusion is outside the cut, above.)