#remembering that time i cried because i was overwhelmed by someone’s behaviour towards me

[thedragonnerd]

Rayaari headcanon - travel through the emotions with tears

(inspired by this lovely anon)

Tears of sorrow and pain

Raya is so young when she loses her mother, that the concept of death is difficult for her to understand. The reality doesn't strike her until bedtime, when she slowly begins to realize that Ma will never again be there to sing her a lullaby, or hug her fear of the monsters away. Benja is unable to stop the tears for hours, as Raya screams and cries and hits her small fists on the bed. Finally, she upsets herself so much she throws up, and her crying trails off to quiet whimpers instead. For months afterwards, Benja and Raya both dread bedtime, for this is when sorrow hits the hardest for her.

Namaari is nine when her Ba dies. Death is not an unknown concept for her, unfortunately. She has already begun to see its cold grasp ensnaring Fang citizens as famine begins to sweep the lands. But nothing can prepare her for the news the young soldier delivers of her Ba's accident, nor the expression on Ma's face when they both realize he won't be coming home. She doesn't cry for the first week after his death, and people whisper about how stoic and brave she's being. In reality, she is too shocked and numb to demonstrate any further emotions, until one night she awakens to find Ma has crawled into bed next to her, hugging her close in her sleep. Hot tears fall down her cheek, and she burrows into her mother's embrace as she cries silently.

After the Druun return, after she loses her Ba, Raya finds herself scared and all alone in the world, besides faithful Tuk Tuk. During the day, she wraps herself in false bravado, learning how to be a confident young woman instead of an easy mark for people with questionable motives. She employs a 'fake it until she makes it' approach to life, and it carries her through well enough...except at night. At night, she can't help but remember both her parents, and in the darkness she softly sings her mother's lullaby to soothe herself as the tears fall.

When the magnitude of what she has done by trying to take the Dragon Gem hits Namaari, she is horrified with herself. She cries quietly at night for weeks on end, reluctant to talk to anyone about her guilt. And then one day, she wakes up and decides she has no right to cry over it – she should step up and be responsible for her own actions instead, and be the best leader she can be. For several years after that moment, she refuses to let herself cry. Then one scouting mission, she loses her first soldier to the Druun, watching him turn to stone over her shoulder as they flee. She manages to hold it together as she tells his family how brave he had been; then, she goes to the kitchen, stealing as much rice wine as she can carry. She hides with her serlots, drunkenly crying into their soft fur until she can barely breathe. After that, she allows herself to cry sometimes, but only ever when alone.

The first time Raya visits Talon, she is fourteen and half-starving. The market place is loud and confusing, but it’s also full of food and wonderful scents. Unfortunately, she has no jade pieces and the soldiers patrolling the stalls do not seem like people with whom she should risk get into trouble. She almost walks away instead of trying to buy anything, but her stomach cramps just at that moment, and she almost gasps in pain. It breaks her heart, but she slowly hands over a ring of gold in order to buy some food – the only thing she has with her that belonged to her mother. ‘You know, that vendor scammed you,’ a young boy tells her with a snort, as she walks away. ‘You should have gotten far more product for the worth of the ring.’ The food tastes like ashes in her mouth after that, and hot tears slip down her cheeks as she tries to choke down the rest of her dinner.

Namaari’s scouting party is ambushed, not by the Druun, but by angry citizens from Spine. She loses good people that day, watching in horror as they are overwhelmed by Spine’s army, still acting as good soldiers trying to protect their Princess until the end. The last warrior screams at her to run, and even though it is against her instincts, she turns and flees into the forest, not even stopping when a sharp pain pierces her side - an arrow hitting its mark. She collapses some distance later, crying in pain and fear. For the first time, she fears she will die alone, bleeding out amongst the trees. Then she remembers her mother, remembers her duties and the promises she made to herself, and staggers upright. Her serlot finds her as she slowly makes her way forwards, and when she finally manges to crawl onto her back, they take off towards Fang.

‘You’re a traitor to your people,’ someone snaps at Raya, as she tries to mediate between two disagreeing Heart citizens. ‘You try to tell us what to do, but you’re a Princess who doesn’t even know half of her own culture. Too busy cavorting with binturis from Fang and other lands to bother with your own.’ She can feel the tears coming on as the words cut deep into all the fears she has about herself – how she isn’t a good leader, how she lost so many years where she should have learnt about Heart and her role as Princess. A hand lands on her shoulder squeezing gently, yet the voice behind its owner is cutting. ‘Gentlemen, I suggest you leave now before you make me do something I regret,’ Namaari says, and when the men depart angrily, silence falls. Namaari doesn’t say anything at first, drawing Raya into an embrace instead. ‘You’re a better leader than they could hope to be,’ she whispers into Raya’s hair, kissing her head gently. Raya clings to her tightly, arms wrapped around her waist.

‘You’re not welcome here, binturi,’ comes the accusation thrown into her face, and Namaari flinches, much to her own disgust. The celebratory gathering is supposed to be for all the lands to come together, but she can understand Fang not being so warmly welcomed. She is trying though, trying to atone for her mistakes, and after a long day of talking herself into having the confidence to attend, she is now just feeling overwhelmed with their cutting remarks. She simply nods and tries to walk away while hiding her face, but Raya is already pushing past her, getting into the personal space of the other women with a snarl. ‘She’s more welcome here than you currently,’ she growls. Then she spins around, holds out an arm gallantly to Namaari with a smile, and says ‘shall we?’ with a wink. Namaari links their arms, and they walk away with their heads held high.

Tears of laughter and joy

There is something charming and fun in watching Sisu learn more about people and their odd behaviours. Namaari is still slightly in awe of dragons in general, but she finds it easier the more she spends time with Sisu and watches her do ridiculous things. Sisu often brings Tong, Boun and even Noi along to visit Raya, and Namaari loves this time especially, because Raya will go and join in on the fun, laughing at her friends’ antics until tears stream down her face. Namaari sits and watches them with a smile, until Raya runs over and grabs her by the hand, dragging her over to the group.

Raya likes to think she is excellently athletic and nimble on her feet, and to a certain extent this is true. Unfortunately, she has a rather clumsy side to her also, and she spectacularly demonstrates this in front of Namaari by mistake. She is trying to demonstrate how smooth her mounts and dismounts from Tuk Tuk’s saddle are, and even goes so far as to try and show off by standing up on his back. And yet, she slips sideways instead, arms windmilling in the air before she drops onto the floor. ‘Are you alright?’ Namaari calls, and as soon as Raya answers in the affirmative, she can hear a cackle of laughter. Namaari is laughing so hard that there are tears shining in her eyes, and Raya can’t feel too embarrassed by her tumble when it brings Namaari such joy.

At the end of a very long day of Council meetings, Raya wants nothing more than to escape the political grandstanding and disappear into the night instead of staying for dinner. She manages to grab some food from the kitchen before it is even brought out for the guests, and then steals Namaari herself as company. They sit under the stars, enjoying their picnic and complaining about the day. Namaari does a wonderful impersonation of the most annoying Councilor in the meeting, and Raya startles into loud laughter at how realistic it is. Soon they are lying next to each other, giggling loudly until they are both crying from laughter.

Namaari kisses Raya for the first time during a sparring session. They are fighting in a casual manner for once, not trying to be highly competitive as usual, but preferring to shoot as many teasing remarks towards the other as punches, enjoying the moment. Raya manages to pin Namaari down on the ground, leaning forwards slightly to highlight her triumphant and teasing expression, and instead sees Namaari staring up at her with a soft smile. Namaari brings both hands up to slide her fingers through Raya’s hair, drawing her down until their lips are touching softly. Raya feels tears welling up behind her eyes at she feels the love emanating from Namaari.

Raya proposes after two years of dating and several days of angsting over whether she has the correct words to say or the correct proposal gifts. But when it comes to the moment, she forgets everything, and just blurts out ‘I love you. Marry me?’ Namaari stares at her in shock for a moment, before stepping forward to kiss Raya. ‘Yes, yes of course,’ she says, her voice shaking from her emotions. Raya cups her cheeks in both hands, gently wiping away her tears before they kiss again.

When they marry, neither of them can get through their vows without some tears of happiness. No-one judges them for it though – most of their family and friends are crying also.

[vemuabhi]

Love me again

Pairing : Sanji X Fem! Reader

Requested by pandawondergirl (wattpad)

Warnings : Angst, hurt, comfort then happy ending

Word count : 2.4K

A/N : According to KST, its Jhope’s birthday! Happy birthday Jhope my sunshine! Cmon guys listen to Daydream for happy vibes (Clickable)

I hope you like the story!

"Y/N! Can you come here for a sec dear", called Sanji as you instantly went towards him, leaving the game in between.

"Damn... Y/N not again!", said Ussop as you just gave him an apologetic look. Luffy and Chopper, just smiled at you when you went into the kitchen.

You saw that the blond was making pastries. You stood beside him and looked at him. He smiled at you and lifted his spoon up, with the small treat with it.

"Say ah~", he said making you blush. You had a crush on the blond for a long time. Maybe from the day you joined the crew. He was so elegant, handsome and very polite. You always had a spot for gentlemen like him. As he instructed, you opened your mouth. He placed the piece of pastry in your mouth and pulled the empty spoon back. "So, how is it?", he asked.

"Its... its really amazing! The way it just melts in your mouth and the sweetness is just perfect", you complimented.

"Awww thanks a lot dear. So... do you think Nami san will like it?", he asked.

Yes you liked him, but... it was one sided. He liked Nami. And most of the times he asked you for help. So, you continued to help him.

"Sanji, trust me. She will be totally be mesmerised by it", you answer honestly as you place your hand on his shoulder and looked into his eye.

"Thanks dear. You always help me", with that he smiled widely at you.

Everytime you helped him, he would give you the most dazzling smile you'd crave for. That smile of his... it was everything you could ask for. Atleast this emotion and smile were true between you two. Atleast he didn't give anyone this smile other than you.

You watched him as he swooned over to the navigator and gave her the pastry. She smiled as she ate it and he melted at that sight.

Oh only if he looked at you. Only if he noticed you. Only if he liked you back... you knew it wasn’t the case and were also thinking of giving up. But, when ever you tried, he needed you and you couldn't help but be there for him. Couldn't stop helping him to make Nami fall in love.

You knew, Nami wouldn't like him in a romantic way. She just saw him as a friend. You didn't hate Nami. You couldn't even. She was amazing.

Once when you all were on Sabaody, the way he swooned over every single girl, made you feel even more jealous. ‘Maybe I need to confess’, you thought. But the way he just made you a nervous mess every time, you even tried to talk to him, made you to go for a second option. 

You took a paper and wrote all your feelings down on it. It definitely made you a bit confident to give it, rather than to say it to him. You gently placed it in his pocket, where he usually keeps his cigarette because you knew he’d definitely look at it, if you kept it there. You then continued to watch him if he shows any reaction of that small love letter of yours and waited and waited. 

You all ate your food and then you saw Sanji... literally crushed that love letter of yours and threw it. Your heart was broken at his reaction. The worst you imagined was, he gently rejecting you. but... this... you never expected. Tears welled up in your eyes and you went to the restroom and cried for a while. You were never the type to cry in front of others. Oh little did you know that it was a nasty drawing handed to him. So he crushed it and threw it way. “No snacks”, he said as Luffy and Ussop stopped to laugh and whined. ‘No more. Ill stop these feelings’, you thought and went towards the table. 

You all then got into the mess, with Kizaru and Kuma sent you all flying to different islands. Sanji who was sent to Okama island, was stressed so he placed his hand in his pocket to take a new cigarette but he noticed a paper which was carefully folded slipped out of his pocket. He bent down and gently picked it up. Then suddenly, the Okama people attacked him. So he had no choice but to place it in his pocket and run away. 

You started to train with the people on the island and had only two thoughts in mind. ‘To get stronger for Luffy and to get rid of these feelings for Sanji’. On the other hand, Sanji read your letter and had tears in his eyes. ‘Y..Y/N loves me?!’, he thought as he read the letter again and again to make sure he didn’t imagine anything. He was overwhelmed with happiness, never in his life he thought he could have a person love him. But, there you were, in every step when together, trying to make him happy. He realised how he also liked you but never knew about his own feelings. 

3D2Y

You came to the island of Sabaody after 2 years to meet your crew. You were more stronger, more confident and even developed your haki skills and were so exited to train with Zoro. While you were going towards the island not long after you heard someone familiar.

“VIVA SABAODY!!! I NEED LADYYY!!!”, he shouted.

Way too close to your heart that you didn’t even had to turn around to look at him. Even after 2 years, just his voice, made your heart beat faster. ‘What the hell?! I thought I was over him’, you thought and paced faster. You didnt turn around, just kept walking. Away from that voice. away from him. You knew this was a futile effort because you were of the same crew. But your heart just couldn’t bare it. But, you couldn’t win against his speed. He noticed you. He noticed you even when you changed. You were more mature and more stronger. But he noticed you. 

“Y/N!! Y/N! is that you?!”, he was shouting as he headed towards you practically ran towards you. Just in a couple of seconds, there he stood infront of you. With his ever charming smile. He looked at you and then fainted with nosebleed. His behaviour was still the same, but this is the first time he ever got a nosebleed seeing you. ‘Only because of some small changes, nothing more’, you thought. You had no option but to carry him to the Shakki san’s bar. You crouched down and placed your arm behind his shoulder and carefully lifted him up with using your devilfruit powers. No matter how much you tried to avoid, your mind kept telling you, how his fluffy hair grew, how he changed his hair to view his other eye, and how... how you still had feelings for him even when you denied. ‘Damn my stupid heart’, you cursed as you reached the bar. You let him be there and left.

After a while, Sanji slowly opened his eyes slowly and got up. He then remembered the encounter with you.

“Y/N!”, he exclaimed as he looked around the bar, only for Shakki san to chuckle and pat his head.

“She brought you here when you were unconscious and left”, she said. He got up right away and thanked Shakki san and left the bar. He went towards the shops to buy food and controlled himself so much not to just stand there talking with the ladies. He wanted to make the best food for the three of you... especially, for you.

He bought food and came over to the ship, only to be fainted with nosebleed right after seeing you and the other two ladies. He woke up after a while and sunny started the journey to the mermaid island. He then without wasting time, came towards you and took your hand in his as he walked away from the chaotic group.

‘Why the hell am I not pushing him away?’, you thought as he brought you to kitchen and stood before you. He took a deep breath and asked, “Y/N, do you... do you like..”, he practiced this for two years and now he became a nervous wreck. You wanted to be cold towards him. You didn’t want these feelings for him. So you said, “Hurry up will ya! I don’t have time”. His face was stunned. He looked at you with a very hurt expression. You were hurt. You didnt like the way you talked to him.

“Ah, I.. I’m sorry, its just that, I wanted to ask you that, is it true that, you..like me?”, he asked.

You sighed and replied, “I.. I used to like you Sanji and yes it was the truth. But I don’t anymore.”

He was shocked. His visible eye was open wide. He didn’t expect this answer from you. He thought you two would date. Now here you were, saying you liked him but you don’t feel the same for him now.

“But... may I ask, why? Did you like anyone else during this time?”, he asked you. 

“No, no one. Its just that, I liked you so much but,” you couldn’t stop, you werent nervous. You wanted to tell him how much you were hurt so you continued, “I was heart broken, when you rejected my confession then-”

“WOAH WOAH! Rejected your confession?! When did I ever do that?”, he questioned with the most serious and confused look.

“You did. You crumbled my love letter infront of my eyes. I never thought you would be the type to just plain stamp on my feelings. Especially you Sanji, you dont even know how much hurt I was when I saw that”, you said as you looked into his eyes. 

“Y/N, what are you even talking about? I wouldn’t do that. You should know it more than anyone else on this ship”, he said as he sighed and placed his hand in his pocket. He took out a pink envelope and gave it to you. You took it and opened the envelope. It had the same folded white paper in it. You teared up as you saw that paper. 

“I saw your letter, when I was thrown away on an island. I wanted to contact you asap, but I didn’t knew where you were”, he said as he came closer to you and gently wiped your tears away. He continued, “Y/N, I’ve kept this letter for all this time and I’ll continue to keep it with me. It’s the first time a person ever said that they like me. And, more over its from an amazing person like you. Did you think, I’d reject you?”

You sobbed even more and leaned your head on his chest. He slowly placed one of his hand on your shoulder and with the other he patted your head soothingly. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Sanji. I should’ve known. I misunderstood you. Forgive me.”, you said still didnt looked at him. He said, “Its fine. Dont cry. Y/N, I’ve been waiting to ask this, Will you go out with me?”

You stopped crying as he said it. You lifted your head and looked at him. He was serious. He didn’t have any heart eyes or nosebleed.

“Are you... sure?”, you asked. He smiled and said yes. You giggled and nodded. As soon as you nodded he couldn’t control his emotions and hugged you tight as he lifted you up. 

“THANKYOU SO MUCH!”, he screamed as you chuckled. With still you in his arms, he left the kitchen and you both were met with the whole crew staring at you two. He let you down and placed his arm around your shoulder.

“WE ARE DATING!”, he announced making the complete crew jump in joy. Even when Luffy and Chopper didn’t understand what it was but still were happy anyway.

Days went by and you all achieved your goals. You both faced so many troubles, had many memorable moments. The way Sanji dotted on you made you to become happier than ever, because that was what you wanted from him, because he was your prince. You loving and caring for him, made him even more crazy for you, because that was what he wanted the most in his life, and you were the angel of his heart. Once you found a paper on your desk, which said meet me at the beach. You followed the path of rose petals and ofcourse, no one but Sanji would do this.He is cheesy AF, bt you love it though. There you saw, Sanji with a bouquet of red roses. ‘How did he arrange all of this’, you thought as you looked at the beach. He arranged a candle light date. He gave you the bouquet and escorted you to the place. You sat on your chair and he knelt down before you. He held your hand in his and said, “Y/N, you make me so happy every single day. You made me a better person. Time with you is the most precious of all. So, would you give me the honour of standing next to you for the rest.”, he took out a small dark blue box and opened it and continued, “Will you become the Queen of my All blue for life, will you marry me”, he ended as you started to cry.

“Yes, my King of All Blue”, you said as you sobbed and he placed the ring on your finger. You both got up and kissed. Then all your friends came towards you two and congratulated you two. Luffy hugged you two as he nibbled on the food, Sanji made for you.

You couldn’t help but be overwhelmed. He was your prince, now he was becoming your King. You couldnt be anymore happier than this.

After disbanding from crew, you both went to Barratie, for some days to meet Sanji’s family. As soon as you were introduced as his fiance, everyone was stunned. They all celebrated this by making a huge party and you felt blessed for all this. For Sanji, for his family and for everything else.

XOXOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it! Please forgive me for any mistakes.

Did you like the story or the song. Tell me how you feel by giving me a Like, Comment and Reblog. 

Thanks for Reading!

[otonymous]

It’s The End Of The World (MLQC Headcanon)

Dear Nonny...

I say that now, Nonny, but the truth is that the ONLY thing I love more than smut is angst! Mwahahaha! 🤣🤣 That being said, let’s take a one-way trip to Angst Town!  Everybody got their seatbelts on?!  LET’S GO!!! (Please note warnings below before reading 💕💕💕)

Warnings: angst, explicit language, trigger warnings (mentions of speeding, near-death experiences and flashbacks, nausea & vomiting, insomnia, slight mention of possessive behaviour, workaholism, loss of appetite and weight loss, anger and violent behaviour (not towards other people though!)) and SPOILERS (basically up to chapter 24 in the EN server; includes dates and Rumours & Secrets for the boys) 

Gavin:

DEVASTATED.  This man is absolutely devastated.

Gavin has known you since high school and loved you since then

You were his dream girl — the one he thought had got away until his duties brought you back into his life.  He had vowed to protect you till the very end, had absolutely no qualms about giving his life for yours.  He made a solemn promise to himself that he would never lose you a second time

Until that fateful day when you invited him out for lunch at Lynn’s Kitchen on the grounds of your old high school

You order his favourites, spicy noodles and lemon tea; wait until his stomach is full before you open your mouth to gently broach the topic

“Gavin…I…”

A single glance at your face tells Gavin that something is terribly off.  He’s immediately setting his chopsticks down, asking, “What’s wrong?  You know you can talk to me about anything.  Whatever it is, I’ll help you—”

“Shaw.  We…we’ve decided to be together.  I know you’re not on good terms, and he did insist on coming today, but I thought it would be best if I told you myself…”

He cannot hear  

He cannot move  

And it isn’t until the burning sensation in his lungs catches up with him that he realizes he hadn’t even been breathing

Amber eyes, listless and dull, float from your lips to the wall decorated with Post-It notes just behind you, moving from one colourful slip of paper to another

“I hate it when people leave without saying goodbye.”

Gavin still remembers the loops and dashes of your handwriting on the Post-It note you had written so long ago, the way you dotted your i’s with hearts

And all of a sudden, he is back in his high school uniform, bloodied and bruised and free falling from the roof of the four-storey building

Except this time, he cannot hear the strains of a piano, no matter how hard he tries.  The gingko leaves around him flutter to the ground just before…

“Gavin?”  The touch of your hand on his snaps him out of his reverie.  He tries to force a smile and fails.

“I…I’m sorry.  There’s somewhere…I just remembered…I have to go….”  He hurriedly puts a few bills on the table — more than enough to cover the entire meal — and dashes out of the restaurant

Gavin hops on Sparky and just goes…riding for hours on end with no destination in mind.  He’s taken with an intense urge to go fast, as if his body were trying to outrun the feelings he doesn’t have the means of dealing with.  At one point, an overwhelming wave of nausea hits him and he stops at the side of the road, retching and retching until his stomach is as empty as his hollowed-out heart

He’s still thinking of you the entire time he’s MIA.  The last text from his phone is one sent to you, telling you not to worry about him and apologizing for the way he behaved back at the restaurant.  He’s asking if you’d still be okay with talking to him when he gets back, and of course, to contact him immediately if you need anything at all

He still feels you in the wind

Believe it or not, for a short period of time, Gavin actually develops a fear of flying: it reminds him too much of you, brings up too many memories of him holding you in his arms as you traverse the skies together.  He’s not confident he can do it anymore, partly because he thinks his Evol might suddenly give out when he’s high up in the air

The turning point comes when Gavin visits his mother’s resting place.  There, for the first time since you broke the news to him, he actually cries, and it gives him the strength to carry on

Let’s be clear: Gavin will never, ever be over you.  The two of you will remain friends though because Gavin intends to watch over you for the rest of his life (that is one promise he would never break)

With time, he gets used to seeing you with Shaw, even starts to relax a bit when he realizes that his younger brother is capable of protecting you

Someday, Gavin will marry — likely someone who was set up with him either by Minor or his colleagues (Birdcop would never take the initiative to actually meet somebody).  This person is absolutely smitten with the handsome officer and his gruff ways and cannot wait to start a family with him.  They would also have to be thick-skinned and stubborn enough to turn Gavin’s “no” into an eventual “yes”

And while Gavin would prove to be a loyal husband and doting father who would do anything for his family, a part of him would always, always, continue to burn for you.

Lucien:

How do you expect this man to behave when he’s lost the only colour in his life?

Lucien would never, ever recover from this.  He doesn’t want to.  The man for whom love was never meant to happen has no need for such an emotion.  He wants nothing to do with it unless it has to do with you

The professor’s world literally returns to being a drab shadow of blacks and greys — the rainbow disappeared when his little butterfly flew into the palm of another’s hand

“Do you love him?” He’ll ask you, dark eyes almost hypnotic in their intensity when he pierces you with that gaze

You’re ashamed to find that you have to think twice before replying that you do indeed love Victor

Ba-bump, ba-bump, BA-BUMP — Lucien breaks out into a cold sweat as his heart begins to race, face becoming pale as a sheet

His shaking hands are pulled into tight fists within the pockets of his lab coat.  He’s running his finger over the cap of his pill bottle inside one of them, not wanting to take them in front of you because in spite of it all, the last thing he wants is for you to worry about him 😭😭😭

Lucien nods, placid smile a mask on his face when he says,  “I wish the two of you nothing but the best.”

“Lucien!”  You start after him when he turns to walk away.  “We…we’re still friends, right?”

For what is possibly the first time in his entire life, Lucien can’t think straight.  His mind is a mess, logical thoughts tangled up with sorrow, hurt, anger, and the sense that the world could end at that very moment and he wouldn’t even bat an eye.

He takes a deep breath, composing himself before he turns to face you again: “Of course.  You can always come to me if you ever need anything.”  It takes everything in him not to fall apart when he lays a hand on the crown of your head, savouring the heat of your body for the very last time

In the days immediately afterwards, the people around Lucien better watch out as his ability to keep cool, calm and collected is challenged: he’s giving the side-eye to his colleagues at the research institute more often then usual, and Black Swan members literally want to run the other way when they see him coming.  If they thought Ares was ruthless before then they’d better watch out now…

As if it were even humanly possible, the professor sleeps even less now: if he’s not in the lab, he’s literally wiling away the hours watching old Hollywood films

Sometimes, he’ll place his hand on the handle to the door of your apartment, closing his eyes and doing his best to pretend that he can still feel your palm in his (he knows you’re not home.  You so rarely are these days…)

Unbeknownst to you, Lucien spends his weekends revisiting the places you used to go together: sitting on the same bench at the aquarium where you kissed him without a second thought, wandering to the theme park you ran away to as a child just to watch the carousel spin round and round, trying his best to keep a smile on his face when the kids at the orphanage ask him where his “pretty lady friend” is

Lucien actually has a kite that he bought ages ago, intent on fulfilling his promise to one day fly it with you.  It sits in his apartment still.  He can’t bring himself to dispose of it.

Gives you his pen, Iridescent, as part of his wedding gift to you.  “May it always bring you luck, wherever you are and…whomever you’re with.”

Regardless of where he is, Lucien will always be keeping tabs on you.  If Victor ever trips up, you can bet that Lucien will be there to swoop in and take his place

The professor will never love another person for as long as he lives.  That’s all there is to it.

Victor:

Throws himself into his work when you break the news to him that you’ve accepted Lucien’s proposal

“If that dummy can’t see that I’m the most suitable choice for her, then let her suffer the consequences of her foolishness.” — Victor will tell himself that, but don’t believe it for even a second

Victor has always been obsessed with working, but this is on an entirely new level, even for him: the man’s been missing meals (or taking them at his desk, at most) and doesn’t leave his office until close to midnight, most days of the week

Like a watch whose gears are irreparably damaged, the LFG CEO is broken on the inside.  He has to focus on work because he knows that if he stops long enough to fully consider the consequences of having lost you, he would never climb out of the depths of his despair

Even his dad and aunt become concerned, especially when they notice that he’s lost weight: “Victor, you have employees for a reason.  Delegation is not a weakness.”

His mind often drifts to you, especially when he’s driving.  There are many times when he finds himself absentmindedly heading in the direction of your office after work before he catches himself (the man is so used to picking you up that it’s become like muscle memory, in a sense)

Weekends will find him holed up in his attic space, fingers tracing over the uneven surface of the cup you had accidentally dropped and shattered, the pieces of which he had spent an entire night glueing back together

He shuts down Souvenir for a while: Victor cannot bring himself to step foot in the kitchen because he can’t help but see your face, smiling in rapturous joy to indulge in the caramel pudding he made especially for you

He spends his nights lying wide awake in a bed that suddenly seems much too big, wondering if you would’ve chosen differently if he took the time to tell you all the things he always thought were obvious: that he respected your fighting spirit, admired the brazen way you never gave up on the things you believed in, loved every single thing about you, even the things he seemed to disapprove of

His biggest regret: that he never had the chance to tell you that you were the love of his life

He often fantasizes about what it would’ve been like to stop time before you informed him you were choosing Lucien, to exist forever with you in a single moment when you made him the happiest man alive just by sharing your time with him

He still checks your Moments account religiously, murmuring “Dummy” with the faintest hint of a smile on his face to see your ridiculous posts, but he can never bring himself to reply.  Victor’s pride won’t let him.  He would rather die than let you know that each moment spent without you makes him feel like he is suffocating

Eventually, his worried family — especially his aunt — decides that enough is enough.  They force Victor to take a vacation while trying to discreetly set him up with daughters of other wealthy and prominent families

Victor is beyond annoyed at having his personal affairs meddled with like this, but is essentially strong-armed by his aunt, who turns on the waterworks and starts sobbing about wanting to see the progeny of her dearest nephew before she passes on or withers away from want of new blood in the Li family

Victor will eventually have to marry and have kids — he needs to have someone to pass LFG on to.  It will be a long while before he does settle down though; at one point, it’ll seem like he’s content to be a bachelor for life, married to his work

He will show up for your wedding though, and you can bet the most generous gift will be from the LFG CEO

“Try not to be such a dummy from now on.  I won’t be there to set you straight and your husband may not be as patient of a man as I am.”  Those jet black eyes are wavering with emotion when he reaches out to lay a hand on your head.  But he halts midway, awkwardly pulling back because he’s realized that he doesn’t have the right to touch another man’s wife so casually 😭😭😭

Kiro:

“Ahahaha!  All right, all right…you’ve got me.  You can stop playing around now, Miss Chips,” Kiro will say, hands held up in defeat when you tell him that you’ve accepted Gavin’s proposal

When he realizes you’re being serious, it’s like all the warmth and light has suddenly been sucked from the room

Those blue eyes go wide, the smile dropping from the superstar’s face.  For what seems like an interminable amount of time, Kiro just sits there staring at you, almost catatonic

When he speaks again, you’re so surprised you almost jump out of your skin: “Gavin…he’s that cop, right?  The friend you’ve known since high school?”

You nod and all of a sudden, it’s like the floodgates have been opened: Kiro’s grasping your hands in his, expression panic-stricken as his questions come a mile a minute:

“Was it something I did, Miss Chips?  I swear I’ll change!  I…I won’t eat junk food anymore!  Won’t even look at that stuff!  If you don’t like your nickname, I’ll call you by your real name, anything you want!  Or maybe it’s because my schedule is always so crazy?  I’ll cut back on my jobs, I don’t care about the money!  If you’re tired of running from the paparazzi, I’ll quit.  Just quit, stop everything — I don’t care, ok?  The only thing I care about is you!  Miss Chips?  Please don’t cry…I’m your hero, remember?  So please…please…”

A single tear rolls down his cheek — you have to look away or else your resolve would crumble

“I’m so sorry, Kiro.  I…I wanted you to be the first to know.  I wanted you to hear it from me…”

It’s like all the life has been drained from him; it actually frightens you to see him like that

“Kiro?"  You hesitantly lay a hand on his.  It’s almost cool to the touch.  Kiro gives his head a little shake, seeming to come back to himself

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Miss Chips.  I don’t know what came over me.  I didn’t mean to get hysterical.  God, what an awful way to react….”  He forces a laugh, but it is wooden and so goddamn heartbreaking to hear.  You almost wish he would scream obscenities at you instead

“He, Gavin…he’s a good man.  He’ll be good for you.  I’m happy that you’re happy, Miss Chips.”

The next day, Kiro drops off the face of the Earth: he’s MIA, no one can reach him

Everyone is panicking: his agent, Savin, and management, his legions of adoring fans all over the world, and most of all, you

That is, until he sends two text messages, one to Savin and the other to you, telling you all that he’s safe and not to worry; he’s just taking some time to work some things out for himself

In actuality, the only thing that’s happening is that Kiro is reverting back to who he originally was before you came into his life

His sun has been eclipsed by crushing sorrow and loss, the brilliance of your light and warmth forever taken from him and he is left in the cold shadow of solitary darkness

Kiro wants to be happy for you, and he hates that he can’t — this dissonance so disconcerts him that he’d rather not feel anything at all

When the superstar does eventually return to the world at large, there’s something about him that’s changed — Savin and the rest will be largely fooled by that ever-cheerful mask he puts on, but you won’t

Those blue eyes seem just a bit darker, the radiance of his being almost imperceptibly dimmed

Poor Kiro, loved the world over, would never love another person for the rest of his life.  It would always be you or nothing.

Shaw:

Hurt.  Angry.  Confused.

Shaw is angry with himself for ever believing that you and him had a future together; he hates that he saw the signs that you would always, always, always choose Gavin in the end and still continued to lie to himself in spite of it

He hates that he let himself become vulnerable by falling in love with you (Shaw sees vulnerability as the biggest weakness one could have, that’s why he’s always kept himself emotionally guarded in his dealings with people)

But for whatever reason, when it came to you, he just couldn’t help but fall (“Guess brothers are hard-wired in the same way after all, no matter how different we think we are,” he’ll say with a bitter laugh)

A lengthy and most unusual storm will hit Loveland City; expect an extended light show with lots of thunder and lightning

The boy is trashing his place, throwing whatever he can get his hands on: cans of Coke and Pepsi, dishes, clothing and books

He breaks the deck of his skateboard when he smashes it against the wall, bringing down a good chunk of plaster along with it

You won’t be there to witness the destruction.  Shaw will continue to front like nothing could ever faze him when you tell him that you’ve chosen to be with Gavin.  He’ll chuckle, brows raised as he bites on the tip of his straw, saying, “Whatever.  It’s your life.  Do what you want with it.”

Then suddenly, he’s standing up to leave, hand half-raised in goodbye as he makes for the exit without so much as a glance back at you.  

“Take my umbrella.  And don’t worry about returning it.”  

Those are his last words to you.  Not long after, you spy the handle of the black umbrella sitting in the stand near the front of the café (the only one there, since it had been bright and sunny out).  And suddenly, the clouds are rolling in to blanket Loveland City in grey, sheets of rain pouring from a sky cracked in half by a fearsome bolt of lightning

Shaw walks, letting cold rain soak him to the bones to take his mind off the ice that’s already started to freeze the blood in his heart

“Don’t cry…don’t let them f*cking see you cry…" he's saying to himself, over and over again like a mantra

Starts hanging out at the Live House more than ever, losing himself in the music and packed crowds there; he can’t stand to be alone right now.

When he’s not playing bass guitar as a last minute backup for the bands, he’s literally working on his thesis at the bar, sipping on his Coke and Pepsi blend (the staff know him so well that they’re pretty much cool with him doing anything at this point LOL)

STILL blows off every person who comes to proposition him for a good time

I’m sorry, but you know it’s pretty much gonna rain on your wedding day, right?  (The poor boy can’t help it, okay?  He is SAD, SAD, SAD!)

Much like his brother, Shaw will never really get over you.  You were, after all, the first person he ever truly loved

Would likely remain an eternal bachelor, only engaging in meaningless sex but never opening his heart to anyone ever again.  One lesson was enough for him. 😭😭😭

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Thank you so much for reading!  Check out more of my work here! 📚

[fanficflaneuse]

One Day - Part 9

A/N: Hello, magical tumblr friends! We’ve reached part 9! I can’t believe it. Thanks for sticking with me through this wild ride. Thing are getting really good here. Today I realized I have like 70 of them. Can you believe it? I never expected to have followers lol. Thank you all. 

For this chapter, all I want to say is that I don’t hate Astoria. I really don’t. Thank you for your turkish telenovela plot twist ideas lol, I’m definitely going to write something in that fashion sooner or later.  

Also, the novel I’m referring to (both in with the quote and the comments) is called “Normal People” by Sally Rooney. If you haven’t read it, I very enthusiastically recommend it. I couldn’t put it down. And now I can’t stop thinking about reader and Draco’s relationship to be a bit like theirs (better written and without a lot of the tragic subtext, of course). 

Anyway, let’s do this! 

Draco x reader (she/her pronouns) Word count: 1874 Summary: One day AU. Post-war. Since The Battle of Hogwarts, Draco and y/n meet one day a year.

Masterlist  

Enjoy! 

3 May, 2007

“You really don’t want to sleep, do you?” Draco cooed at his son.

“Da-da,” the eight-month-old baby babbled as he made grabby hands at his father. The blond man melted and took his toddler out of the crib, cradling him in his arms.

“What am I going to do with you, Scorp?” he asked as he nuzzled his nose. The boy giggled in response.

Draco tried to be the most loving father. Whenever he wasn’t at the hospital, he was pampering his son, playing with him and making him feel loved. Draco lived for Scorpius’ cute little chortles and he vowed to do everything in his power to keep his son laughing without a care in the world.

The day Draco held Scorpius for the first time, he was invaded by a bliss he had never experienced before. Draco realized that he had finally done something good. He had helped create a little person, a pure and wonderful little person. He, Draco thought, was his second chance in life. Even if the nightmares and the guilt still haunted him, Scorpius’ tiny self reassured him. And so, the boy became his everything.

This week, though, Draco had to admit he was exhausted. Astoria had moved to the Greengrass estate for a few days to take care of her sick mother. 

“Nothing too scandalous,” she had explained when he asked about the symptoms, “but she still needs her daughters’ care”.

If Draco had noticed something suspicious in the defensive tone she adopted, he said nothing of it. Astoria’s family emergency left him alone to take care for their toddler. Since she hated every minute of living under the same roof as Narcissa and Lucius, they had moved to a flat in muggle London. His parents hadn’t yet forgiven him for that. Throughout the week, it was Molly Weasley who had come to his aid. Much to her delight, she took care of Scorpius – as well as her grandchildren – while he worked. As he did his rounds, though, his son was in the back of his mind. Scorpius had never been without at least one of his parents before and Draco hated the idea of him thinking he had been abandoned. He’d floo back and forth from the hospital to the Burrow only to find a very smiling Scorpius crawling around with Albus and Rosie.

Thankful as he was for Molly’s help, the whole ordeal drained him. He was working double shifts and then going to their empty apartment to feed his son and play with him before he could even think about hitting the sack.

Regardless of this, every time Astoria owled him he insisted it was fine. Ever since he found out Astoria was pregnant, Draco made an extra effort with their relationship. Even before Scorpius, they had turned cold and awkward with each other, but Draco loved and cared for Astoria and by Merlin did he try. He was gentle and kind, he took her out for dates, asked with genuine curiosity about her day, bought her gifts and was as accommodating as he could possibly be. She had an agitated social life, with weekend getaways with her friends and constant dinner dates with her sister, but even if at times it meant sacrificing his own social life, he wouldn’t complain. Draco could even say they were happy.

At times like these, however, he couldn’t help the intrusive thought of what all of it would all look like with (Y/N) by his side. He’d supress those ideas immediately, thinking about how Astoria was the best mother Scorpius could ever have. Yet, an overwhelming sense of how incredibly plastic and sterile his relationship with Astoria was would still linger for a while, filling him with dread. He’d then try to push it back and shower their son with as much love as he could possible give him.

Tired as he was, Draco realized it was very late. Scorpius was still giggling in his arms. As he sat in the library, Draco grabbed (Y/N)’s latest book in one hand and held his son cautiously with both arms.

“I’m going to read this novel to you, young man,” he said, “And you’ll understand none of it. But hopefully I can enjoy it for a while and you’ll fall asleep. Deal?”

Scorpius’s glimmering eyes lit the world for Draco. He kissed his son’s forehead before starting to read out loud:

“Sometimes she felt like saying: Would you miss me, if you didn’t have me anymore?” Draco gulped before continuing, “She had asked him that once on the ghost estate, when they were just kids. He had said yes then, but she’d been the only thing in his life at that time, the only thing he had to himself, and it would never be that way again”

As he carried on, he couldn’t help but think that this novel was written just for him to read. It was, after all, about two friends whose relationship status changes throughout the years. He felt his heart heavy, wondering if (Y/N) ever thought about him not caring for her. Because he did. He cared for her very much. And he missed her. She had been living in Paris for the last four months and she’d come every now and then, but he still missed her. At times, he felt like he always missed her, even if they were in the same room.

“I did choose your godmother well, didn’t I Scorp? You’ll be nothing if not a well-educated, perhaps even a bit snobbish, lad,” he teased.

Much to his satisfaction, Draco noticed how his son was now peacefully sleeping in his arms. He walked to the nursery and put him on the crib, leaving the door ajar just in case. As he was about to crawl into bed, Draco heard a crash on the living room. He grabbed his wand and hurried out, determined to protect his son.

“Leave now, please,” he heard a hushed, almost panicky, voice say.

As he reached the living room, Draco faced something he never thought he would. A wide-eyed Astoria stood in the middle of the room. She was giving her back to him and, instead, faced none other than Theo Nott, Draco’s old classmate. He had a determined glint in his eyes.

As Astoria turned around to face him, Draco noticed a sense of complicity between the two of them. He gulped, realizing what was going on. The blond man blinked tears back as he noticed his wife sported a series of love bites he had certainly not printed on her skin. They were both dishevelled, lips a bit swollen. Draco also realized Astoria was wearing a man’s sweater.

“Draco, it’s not what –“

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while, mate. I love Tori. We’re happy together and I am tired of hiding,” Theo’s deep voice interrupted her.  

“Draco,” Astoria said, her voice sounded muffled, as though they were underwater, “Draco, listen to me.”

Draco stared at his wife as though she was a total stranger. The shock made him experience everything in slow motion, to the point in which he only realized he was actually crying when Astoria tried to wipe the tears. Draco pushed her away very softly, barely even touching her, and just turned on his heels. He stumbled towards his room, scantily registering what was going on around him.

For a second there he thought he was dreaming. He closed the door and put up a charm. Draco collapsed on the bed and finally heard himself sob. His heart felt genuinely broken. He heard the knocks on the door. Draco picked on Astoria’s conversation with Theo, maybe they were even fighting, he couldn’t tell. He didn’t care either.

As many times before, Draco felt empty, small and pathetic. And, as many times before, his thoughts went to (Y/N), wishing she was there to console him.

…

On the other side of the English Channel, possessed by coffee induced jitters, (Y/N) sat wide awake in her library. It was late and she was very tired, but she couldn’t bring herself to sleep. She decided to read Hermione’s letter, which she had postponed for a couple of days already.

Dearest (Y/N/N),

Four months gone and I still cannot believe you’re living in Paris. What a dream! I am really happy for you, dear. We have all agreed that a change of ambience could benefit you greatly, even if it means we won’t be able to enjoy your presence as much. Don’t make our great sacrifice of depriving us of your company be in vain. Remember you’re in the city of love, so you better not be glooming on your desk all day.

All jokes aside, please take care of yourself, (Y/N/N). I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m worried. Molly is worried. Even Ron – at times so daft and oblivious – is worried. Sleep well. Eat at regular times. Don’t overthink…too much. This whole poète maudit behaviour might be very fancy and bohemian, but it is, without a doubt, unhealthy. And we all want you – no, we need you – healthy and happy.

Lovely, I devoured your latest novel. It is an absolute hit. It feels so…so real, so visceral and heart-breaking. I cried thinking about how much of it is inspired by your real-life experiences. I have never met someone who experiences life the way you do, someone who has this way of conciliating the world through words. My heart goes to you, (Y/N), along with my admiration. I hope distance can mend your heart, so you can finally write some lighter poetry, like you did when we were children.

I am very busy with work, looking forward for a promotion over the next couple of weeks. With Ron we have also been talking about the possibility of having more children. As an only child, I would love my Rosie to grow up with someone by her side, although I must say she’s practically attached at the hip with Albus and Scorpius. However, I still cannot decide, you know? I feel like my ever-growing responsibilities at the ministry might get in the way of me giving my child – and potential other children – the attention they deserve. I do not think I could adapt as easily as Ginny did. She is doing great at her new post, by the way. But I do not see myself anywhere else. I know maternity is far removed from your reality right now, but I would love to know what you think about this. I already know Ginny’s perspective. I also talked about it with Molly and my own mom. I have read a couple of books as well.

Anyway, I will not bother you anymore. Please write back whenever you see fit. Do not isolate, (Y/N). We are all here for you. We miss you. We cannot wait for you to come. As soon as we have vacations, we will visit you as well. I am hoping for the day in which we can finally stroll together through all of those bookshops in Paris – muggle and magic.

Love,

‘Mione.  

tags: @fandomscombine @okaydraco @naomi02hook @iliketoast23 @hopplessdreamer @winnsmills @oldfashionedlovergirlsblog @animelover09556 @happycomb @xtrashmouthxtozierx 

[strawberrytheduck]

Belle Quacks Chapter 8

Belle was jolted back to reality when Morgana tapped her on the shoulder, being greeted with a smile. The sorceress sat across from her, sipping the caramel latte she ordered. “I love your dress.” The tall woman commented. Belle blushed, smiling. “Thank you, I think I actually got it a thrift store. I love yours too, you look like that woman from the Addams Family.” She hoped it was a compliment, that Morgana would like that. “Really? Great! She’s been an inspiration for my wardrobe for years.” Okay, good, it was a compliment. Belle was worried she’d take it the wrong way. The two began talking, Belle about her brother, time with Camellia and her business. Morgana asked about her childhood but, upon noticing a sad and scared look on her face, began talking about her time as a villain and a hero. Belle did struggle to pay attention but didn’t want to seem rude and forced herself to listen. The sorceress noticed and stopped talking, checking on Belle’s comfort. The smaller female explained how she struggled to pay attention at times which Morgana assured her that she understood, telling her that her comfort was important. She nodded, pulling out more paper to design more jewellery. Morgana kept talking, Belle was half-listening. There was a question biting at the back of her mind. “How do you act so understanding towards me?” Upon realising she said that out loud, she looked up. Morgana went from surprise to calm. “I had a friend like you, still close with them actually, I learned to be patient and the behaviours they might exhibit. They’re not as energetic as you but still similar.” Ah, that explained it. Morgana had a close friend similar to her, meaning she knew how to talk to her. Belle smiled, apologising for the sudden question but thanking her for her patience.

Why Belle cared so much about what Morgana thought about her, she didn’t know but she wanted to make Morgana happy and showed she cared. Sadly, time flew by, meaning Belle had to leave and head to her store. “Well, I’ll see you soon Belle. It was nice hanging out with you.” The black haired duck said, smiling and waving goodbye. Belle waved back enthusiastically, excited to see her again. The small pink and blue haired duck began walking to her store, watching people as they walked passed. Multiple thoughts went through her head at once, most of them about her childhood. She remembered some of the horrible things her parents said to her such as how it was unladylike to eat so much or how her smile was ugly and unlovable. This happened and she didn’t know why, why she remembered these or why they would surface randomly after a good day. Belle bumped into someone while she was distracted. Upon looking up, Belle noticed it was just Camellia who was unlocking Belle’s store for her. “Oh, I forgot my keys again.” She muttered. Camellia helped her friend up, smiling. “Well, look who it is. Did you have fun, Jingles?” The duck smiled, babbling about how Morgana had a friend like her and that it made her understanding towards her. The fox’s ears perked up, latching on to the information. She looked like she just figured out something, nodding understandably. Sunlight hit the various pieces of jewellery, causing a kaleidoscope of colours to paint the store. The door opened and Belle felt like her heart just stopped upon seeing who it was. ‘No, no no no no no, they’re here for me.’ She instantly thought. How could she not think that? There, standing in front of the door, was the Fearsome Four. “So, this is the Quacks Jewellers? A lot of treasure here, boys.” The Liquidator said, smiling.

“Not r-r-really treasure, I-I-I-I don’t c-charge much.”She stuttered, tearing up. “I-I-I do m-make them b-by h-hand.” The supervillains looked floored, looking around. Bushroot walked to the counter with Quackerjack, reading over the prices. The jester seemed to lose it.”No way! You should be charging more, you’re super talented at making jewellery!” He exclaimed, scaring the small female into hiding behind her friend. “Quacky is right! The key to good business is pricing. One needs to trust their talents and price accordingly. However, you’ve got a high quality product for a cheap price, likely drawing in more business. A smart move.” The Liquidator praised. Bushroot waved at the smaller duck, who just sobbed into Camellia’s arm in fear. Quackerjack looked sad, leading to Megavolt hugging him, comforting him. “I scared her, I scared her Sparky.” He sobbed slightly. Megavolt ignored the nickname for once, stroking his boyfriend’s arm. Belle looked over, confused and still teary eyed. He was sad he scared her? Why? And why did he seem so familiar? She began to hum the lullaby Jack sang her as a child as a way to calm herself. The colourful villain was wide eyed, hearing a melody he nearly forgot existed. He should know it, he did create it after all. After so long, she still remembered it, did she remember him? He stepped closer to her, trying not to scare her more. He knew just what to say, or rather, sing. “When I am near, there is no need to fear. I will fight to protect you, no matter what anyone might do.” His voice was shaky, close to whining or crying. Belle looked more confused. “No need to cry, for on me you can rely.” The jester walked over to the smaller female, holding her and one end of his hat. With a gentle tug, he pulled it off.

“No one loves you like your brother, I promise I do.” Gasps echoed throughout the store, the other villains never having seen Quacky’s face and Belle recognising him. “J-Jackson...? I-It’s really y-you?” Jack nodded, holding his breath. “I-I know y-you likely d-don’t l-like me n-now because of my n-new career p-path and my lack o-of contact. I-I just was s-so busy at first, then c-couldn’t find you a-and then wanted you safe.” He cried as he held both of his sister’s hands, his mismatching eyes staring into her green ones. “I don’t e-expect f-f-forgiveness b-but I’m sorry.” Megavolt rubbed Quacky’s back, trying to calm him down. Camellia put a hand on Belle’s shoulder as she tried to process the information instantly dumped onto her. Jack seemed scared, waiting for Belle to say something but Belle was just trying to retain the information and turn it into a response. She looked stressed and worried, hiccupping as she looked at Camellia. Camellia took this as a cue to step in, something she wished she didn’t have to do. “Belle’s brain doesn’t work the same as ours. She has problems with listening due to zoning out, impulse control and memory. She doesn’t fully understand and she’s overwhelmed.” She looked down at her friend, who was patting her hand, indicating she wanted to take control again. “I-I-I need y-you to repeat t-the important i-information a-a-and to be patient with m-me.” She explained. Her older brother exhaled, calming himself the best he could. “I couldn’t find you, trust me, I tried.” A nod from Belle. “Then, due to being a villain, I wanted to protect you.” Another nod. “I don’t expect forgiveness, but I am so sorry.” The other villains walked over to their friend for support, patting his back or placing a hand on his shoulders. Belle hugged him, seeming to understand what he said. “I just missed you and was worried about you. I don’t condone what you did but you’re my brother. You’re not evil naturally, I know that. I forgive you for not getting in touch sooner.” Jack held onto his sister, hugging her tightly. Nothing would tear them apart, Quacky would make sure of it.

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH28

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 5,170

- Author Note: A little revelation of their relationship and Seul past. And idk why i wrote this way, but yeah it is what it is lol :< 

Previous | Next

Chapter 28

Taehyung’s outburst earlier this week lasted for few days until Namjoon had enough of it. That night before the Home Festa, he gathered everyone in the practice room to have a real talk. Yoongi and Taehyung had practically ignored each other existence since the incident. None of them showed any interest to make up after the small fight that they had.

Unlike, Jimin and Jungkook, they didn’t prolong the fight with Taehyung since they respected his view and worries. Even though his behaviour towards Seul was unacceptable. Taehyung was looking out for the members. They understood him though they were weirded out by his sudden change. Apart from Jin and Hoseok, Taehyung is the friendliest one among them and to witness him spouting mean things to Seul was a little out of character.

Namjoon pulled himself upright and faced everyone with a deep sigh. Everyone was in dazed, too preoccupied with their own thought. Everything must be resolved tonight or else Armys might notice the tension in the air.

Hesitated, the leader cleared his throat and broke the eerie silence between them “Can we talk about what happen that night? We have been keeping it low until.. I had enough. Both of you, care to explain what happen back then? Tae, why are you venting your anger on Seul? We could talk it out instead of yelling at the poor girl..” every nerve in his tense body screamed for relief, he finally said it out.

They heard Yoongi scoffed maintaining his hard gaze on the floor. He never agreed on how Taehyung vented his anger without solid reason on Seul as if her feelings didn’t matter in this. If he were to find someone to blame, Yoongi is ready to hear anything came from Taehyung. Her tears pained him.

Others remained silent, some were shifting uncomfortable in their seats wanting to escape from this room. The youngest one looked miserable realizing this useless fight started because of him and Jimin. They were partially at fault too. Another thing was that, he couldn’t reach Seul for few days now. She ignored every text and call that he made.  

Apart from the silent treatment, Seul tended her job as if nothing happens however she avoided meeting any of them. It simply means, she had rescheduled her work back to her normal work hours. There was no more breakfast for them early in the morning. Seul had stopped coming after her night shift. They didn’t blame her for that, anyone would be acting that way after all. She felt responsible and guilty over everything even though she did nothing but to look after the boys only to get yelled without consulting her. This was another level of absurdity.

Annoyed, Jin snapped “Kim Taehyung, answer him. What the hell is wrong with you?” the younger guy took a deep breath looking like a lost lamb.

“I don’t like the idea of our members falling for the same girl. It is too disturbing even though they agreed to play it fair, with Yoongi hyung in the picture. Don’t you think this is getting serious than before?” his face contorted in confusion and anger.

Jungkook and Jimin exchanged a serious look before keeping their gaze fixated on Yoongi “Yoongi hyung likes Seul?” Jimin murmured in tones of disbelief. They were trying to reconfirm the older guy’s unspeakable affection towards Seul back then. It finally cleared all the doubts in them.

Yoongi likes Seul.

“I am not surprised” said Hoseok, sighing softly.

Jungkook looked at Yoongi again with a disbelief look “Is it true?”  he questioned slowly. Yoongi drew a sharp breath, gathering his guts to meet the maknae’s eager eyes “I am sorry Guk. I thought it can be stopped. Fuck… it is complicated” he combed his hand through his hair expelling his worries.

“O…kay…” he slouched in his seat, relieved and disappointed. Disappointed that he didn’t realize it sooner, until Taehyung needed to outline it out for him. If he could talk this thing with Yoongi, they could come up with something without endangering the whole group.

Or.. he could stop himself from liking Seul.

His feelings only complicate things.

“I thought you like Seul too Tae?” Namjoon inquired drawing everyone’s attention to the star of the night. Taehyung’s looked pale digesting the leader bias question who seemed to be attacking him. He went on, “I remember you talked about a lady from the photo that you captured. You printed it out and framed the photo. Don’t you like her too?” Yoongi snapped his head sending wary glance at his way.

Taehyung stammered “I…I don’t-That was a small crush that I have for her until I learned about Jungkook and Jimin feelings for Seul. Things will get complicated if I make a move on her” he expelled a long sigh.

“You are denying your feelings for her, so you come up with those nonsense that you said to her that night, just to ease yourself?” Yoongi snarled lowly keeping his gaze on the flustered guy.

His eyes twitched in frustration “ I am stating the fact. For now, it is all rainbows and sunshine, you are in love. What if one day she has to make a choice? What are you going to do about that huh? Are you really okay with her choosing one of you over another? Her action will divide us and set us against each other. What happen to the promises that we made back then? We never let ridiculous things like this affect our work and friendship… Yoongi..hyung..we have never gotten into any serious fight since we first debuted. I thought our relationship is making a progress” tears were in his eyes, but he tried to look brave.

To be reminded by all the memories that they shared together, there was no doubt Taehyung made a point there. Yoongi and Taehyung were not the bestest friend in the group, nowadays they had resolved those issues and became closer than ever. Fans showed their love towards the couple and they even came up with a couple name for them, Taegi.

The silly Taegi.

The loveable Taegi.

The blooming love between Taegi.

Taegi was the beginning of a new relationship. It was magical.

Yoongi’s fist curled up into a ball, he felt his body tense digesting every word came from Taehyung without leaving any behind. It came to his realization; Taehyung ultimate fear was to see everyone turning their back against each other.

Namjoon leaned his back against the mirror, watching the two adults mending their almost broken friendship. Everyone seemed intrigued to see the things unfold in front of them. This was the perfect time to vent out everything.

Yoongi forced the words out from his mouth “I am sorry Tae.. I am not aware of your worries, but I choose to be ignorant instead. That’s very inconsiderate of me to do that. About my feelings for Seul, I- that was a mistake. I know Jimin and Jungkook have made it clear about their feelings.. I am sorry for that…for liking her” he glanced at both of them with an apologetic look.

“It is just…Her tears pained me. When you made Seul cries, I couldn’t stop myself from thrashing you. I should not have let my feelings cloud my judgement. I am so fucked up” he continued, followed by a low grunt.

They fell into silence. The rest of the members looked at one another, amazed. This thing with Yoongi had never been this serious. Occasionally, Yoongi would tell them what he felt but just enough to leave them in vain. Yoongi is not the type of person whom expressed his feelings openly especially with the members.

This was by far the deepest things that he ever shared with them.

It rendered them breathless.

“We can’t make you hate her hyung. It is your feelings” Taehyung paused few seconds before he took the courage to say it aloud “I am concerned of our future. We have come this far, and this relationship issue bound to happen anyways. I didn’t expect it would end up this way, with half of the members in the group liking the same girl. The thought of losing all of you over this.. it petrified me” Taehyung blinked his tears away, rubbing his sore eyes in hope to hide it from others.

Jimin slid his arm around his best friend shoulder “Tae..I am sorry to make you worry of such thing. I know you are worried of us.. I am sorry for falling in love carelessly. That is not my intention to hurt the group, Seul and you in process” Jungkook fiddled with his fingers, looking a little shaky.

Smiling weakly, he squished Jimin’s hand meeting his deep gaze “It is not your fault, I am overreacting. I keep it to myself…instead of letting it out” Jungkook on the other hand feeling overwhelmed by the whole thing. He did not know how to react to everything that his hyungs had said and up until now, he sucked in showing his emotion.

“Jung are you alright?” Jin touched his back, scrutinizing his solemn expression.

As soon as all eyes on him, he burst into tears panicking everyone in the room. The sobs were stifled at first as he attempted to hide his grief, then overcome by the wave of his emotions and he ended up crying for real. “Kookie… Jungkook why are you crying?” Jimin went to his side, pulling the younger boy into a tight embrace.

Taehyung and Yoongi’s faces loses colour knowing this talk happened tonight was due to their absurd feud. If it weren’t for the incident that night, they would not have this talk and the maknae wouldn’t be crying. Jungkook clutched onto Jimin’s back, burying face in his shoulder “Okay calm down, take your time...” Jin eyes shot open, looking alarmed in his seat.

It took Jungkook a while to stop crying completely, and each of the members were already on their feet pacing back and forth in the cold room. Did Jungkook finally have enough of this drama and pressure around him? Jungkook wouldn’t shed his tears easily unless it was their concert.  When Jimin first caught Jungkook cried his heart out in their dorm a year ago, the older guy thought he was fooling around. He made fun of him until he realized Jungkook was crying for real. To his utter astonishment, the tears were genuine, and he found out Jungkook was missing his family.

Aged 14, Jungkook left his home to chase his dreams. This young man had to live in a hard way, ditching his teenage life to be part of Bangtan Sonyeondan. The members had raised him together. From an introvert and shy boy, Jungkook grew as a fine man with good manners.

He was indeed a golden maknae to them.

The members cherished the youngest member with all their heart.

“Hyungs, this is all because of me. I thought if I make friend with someone which is not in our circle will make me feel more human. I never thought of our career as a joke, in fact I love to be here, I love everyone, I love us… But for some reason I feel empty. Despite everything that I have all these years, it is never enough for me. I am craving for something, something that makes me feel real. Not BTS Jungkook but the real Jeon Jungkook. Until I meet Seul. It is all started with a mere admiration. I’m curious of her life. She looks happy and free. At first, Seul is my muse. I admired her from afar. I got greedy and decided to make a move on her, we became friends. I let myself fell into her deeper, I let her into my heart” he confessed.

Namjoon shoved his phone in his pocket taking the maknae’s words seriously. Jungkook continued not long after “I understand if you feel I am such a disappointment to the group. I.. got distracted by the unpromising future that I may have with Seul. I shouldn’t have done that, I am sorry…hyung.. ” he whispered, hanging his head low.

“Shut that mouth of yours. You called yourself a disappointment again, I will chop your tongue” Yoongi crossed his arms, glaring furiously. He hated it when one of the members downgrading themselves. They were not supposed to feel that way. It was wrong.

Jin gritted his teeth together mouthing Yoongi to be nice but only to be ignored by the grumpy guy. Why is he like this? Jin screamed mentally, annoyed by Yoongi demeanour.

“You are not a disappointment to your group Jungkook” a familiar voice rose from the other side of the room garnered the boys’ attention. They blinked in confusion as they realized the owner of the voice stood frozen at the entrance with a deep frown evident on her forehead.

“Seul..?” Jungkook flinched at the sight in front of him.

Namjoon walked up to Seul, taking her hand in his, leading the way to the centre of the room “I told her to come. We can’t solve this without her. Taehyung owed her an apology after all. For calling her a bitch” he stressed the last word sternly, causing the younger guy shifted uncomfortably.

“I know all of you have been playing this blame games and probably tired, to hear this thing again. If you want to find someone to blame, then it is me. I am nobody in your life. Your friendship is precious, don’t let me taint it. I come into your life and cause misunderstanding. If I didn’t lead any of you on, this wouldn’t happen. I am sorry” Seul scanned their faces one by one and as her gaze landed on Taehyung, he tore his eyes from meeting hers.

Taehyung felt utterly disappointed of himself, for hurting Seul without thinking straight.

Seul exhaled deeply as she took the cue to continue “I enjoyed your company, each one of you. I have never been so happy in life until I met you guys. Thank you for that. Your music gives me strength. I.. don’t want to ruin your friendship. I don’t want to be in the middle of this mess. Let’s get back to square one. Pretend like we never know each other. Pretend that your caretaker is my mother. It will give you time to forget me. I believe you will get over the fact that I used to be your caretaker” her lower lips quivered, holding back the tears in her eyes.

Jimin shook his head “Seul-ah..I don’t-“ Seul spoke before he could finish. “Don’t worry, I will still work as your caretaker until my mom gets better. I will not neglect my duties. I will still cook for you” her voice broke in the end letting her emotion took over her mind.

“Just…we should..stop meeting each other like this” she closed her eyes as her tears rolled down hitting the ground.

Yoongi let out a disapproval groan “Are you suggesting us to forget you? To act as if you have never existed? Aren’t you being selfish? What about me? What about Jungkook and Jimin? So our feelings don’t matter here? What about others who see you as a friend and a sister?” brimming with tears, Yoongi looked hurt.

“Yoongi, If we stay this way..I cant make a choice. I can’t choose. I can’t hurt any of you” she said desperately. Her broken dams once again pained Yoongi. He hated to see those tears on her face.

Jungkook uttered stubbornly “We didn’t ask you to choose. Stay with us just like this. Don’t leave us” he looked away, feeling defeated.

“Jungkook.. Taehyung was right. We can’t stay like this forever. When the time comes, what will happen to all of us? I don’t want to risk this. Since everything is still new, let’s put it a stop. We just have to restart everything and pretend it never happen” Seul rubbed her arms expelling a heavy sigh in process.

This time around Jimin arose from his seat, lurching towards Seul causing the latter to take a cautious step backwards “Put it a stop? Are you toying with our feelings? Do you think this is a joke? Does it look like we are fooling around when we confess to you? Are you really just a bitch just like Taehyung claimed you to be?” Seul felt a pang in her heart. Her heart hardened swiftly.

“PARK JIMIN” he heard his hyungs protest behind him showing their disapproval with the choice of his words. The latter did not care of his surrounding, he wanted to set this thing straight. First, he had to make sure this girl knew she’s taking such a stupid decision.

Seul everted her gaze and stared blankly on the cold ground. She collected her thought refusing the memory of her father attacking her sane again. Why was thing happening to her every time she’s with them?

“Ji Seul, answer me. Are you really just bitching around?” Jimin grabbed her arms to gain her attention yet she stood still without uttering anything. She sucked in a breath and dipper her head, almost afraid he could read her uncertainty.

Seul tried to put a little space between them, but his arms were like band of ions. Jimin’s questions stirred up bitter memories in her. She tried hard to resist the memory from coming out, yet she failed.

 7 years ago

15 years old Ji Seul skidded home happily after getting her result. She was over the moon to show her excellent report card to her mother. Despite a rough year she had to face at home, she was able to make it out alive. She wouldn’t let it affect her studies.

Few months ago, she discovered the truth about her mother secret pregnancy. It turned out that her mother had been lying about her pregnancy from everyone. Mrs Hwang slept with his husband’s best friend and because of the mistakes that she committed, Seul happened. Mrs Hwang was afraid to reveal the truth since she’s already engaged to his husband that time, she didn’t want to ruin the future that they planned to build together. If she were to reveal the truth, Seul had to grow up without a father.

Her world falls apart. She had no one to tell leaving her with no choice but to lie for the baby inside her growing belly.

Hence, she told no one about it not even the man who’s responsible for her pregnancy.

The lies went on for years until that day his husband found out about the secret pregnancy from Seul’s birth certificate. For an odd reason, his name was not indicated clearly on the birth certificate making him question about Seul’s real father. Mrs Hwang might be lying to her husband about the baby, however she wouldn’t change the fact that Seul is someone else daughter.

One day, she meant to unravel the truth.

She didn’t have any intention to keep it from Seul forever. She was rather unlucky that her husband had to discover the truth this way. Ji’s household was a real mess after the revelation of a child born out of wedlock. Her father stopped coming home for a while. He quit his jobs and ruined their life. Mr Ji started to gamble, trashing his life for alcohol. He changed from a loving father to a hot-tempered man. He would only come back home when he has no money to gamble.

Mrs Hwang endured the pain from the beating and sometimes, the older man would vent it out on innocent Seul. She came to aid her mother every time her father flew into rage. It ended up pretty badly, as long as she’s able to protect her mother from his wrath, she was fine with it.

Twisting the doorknob with a gleeful smile, her step died upon seeing two grown up men sitting casually in the living room. The smells from the expensive cigars burnt her lungs. She didn’t like it at all.

One of the men was her evil father and she studied the stranger face beside him, he looked like he’s in early 40’s and he was dressed nicely in his black tux. The man looked filthy rich and dangerous. Seul bowed politely as a courtesy, when she about to leave, her father tugged her wrist putting her steps at halt.

“Where are you going?” he said dryly.

Seul sighed “My room? I want to find mother” his grip on her wrist tightened, fearing Seul.

“I want you to meet my friend. This is Mr Kwon. And, this is the girl that I have been talking about, Seul. She is 15 and fresh. Don’t worry, I am letting you to take her as your bitch as long as you pay me handsomely. I don’t need this bitch in my life anyway” his disgusting low voice making Seul sick in the stomach. She shuddered in fear as she struggled to escape from his strong grasp.

The man put down his cigar stub on the empty plate, scanning Seul’s body from head to toes. A sly smirk played across his face as he reached out to caress her cheeks “Pretty. The thought of owning this girl excites me. How much?” his eyes never left Seul as he continued to undress her with his eyes.

She cried helplessly begging to be released but her father showed no sympathy on her. He loathed her to the core. If by getting rid of Seul would satisfy him, that’s what he about to do.

“How much you are willing to pay for this bitch?” Seul winced in pain when she attempted to pull her hand from him. Closing her eyes tight, she prayed that everything was only a bad dream.

Bitch, I am just a bitch to him. She broke down.

“Enough for me to own her to myself”

“Don’t worry once I get the money. She is yours”

 Her breath hitched at the memory, Seul clasped onto something for support and that something happened to be Jimin’s arms. Jimin looked at her worriedly “Seul-ah���Are you alright?” her body shook vigorously, holding onto her breath. She felt a painful knot in his stomach and throat.

She knew exactly what’s coming to her. Panic attack.

“Seul-ya!” Jin called out, running to their side watching her body limping weakly against Jimin.

The image of breathless Seul brought on a surge of guilt in Jimin. “Seul.. Seul.. what happen?” body shaking with strain, his eye slocked on her face. “Goddamit, do something!” everyone spooked out did not know what to do until Hoseok stepped in with a deep frown.

Jimin held onto Seul’s body closed to him as the girl was practically clinging onto his shirt tightly, breathing heavily “Panic attack. It is panic attack. I had this once after BBMAS” his voice rose one octave convincing the member to trust his judgement.

“Okay, panic attack” Namjoon knelt beside Jimin, studying her expression. “What should we do Hoseok?” his eyes widened to hear her rapid breathing. Her eyes watered, blinking rapidly with hope to restore herself from this. She couldn’t do it. Not that she loses hope of herself, but the pain engulfed her heart making things harder for her to think all the good things and stay calm.

He blurted out “She said, if we hold our breath, it could stop your panic attack” Yoongi grew frustrated over Hoseok’s vague direction. “How the fuck we do that? She looked like she’s about to pass out” he glowered.

Jungkook bit his nails anxiously, scared if anything happened to the girl in Jimin’s embrace. He wouldn’t forgive himself if she got hurt. Everyone in this room would be held responsible.

“Well… she kinda kiss me to stop my panic attack” he hesitated to tell them about the moment he had with Seul. “What!” the members said in unison looking dumfounded. He hid himself behind Jin’s broad shoulder and cleared his throat to ease the awkwardness “Since I couldn’t do it by my own, she… took the matter in his own hand. This is no time fight, someone kiss her!” he exclaimed.

Once again panic took over the room, they had no idea what to do. Seul closed her eyes once again, clutching onto Jimin’s arm. She forced out the happy memory that she had with her friends and mother, yet it only to add more pain to her already bleeding heart.

“Someone do something!” Namjoon tapped his feet nervously.

Jungkook, Jimin and Yoongi exchanged a meaningful glance as if pushing each other to make the move but they didn’t realize the clock was ticking. Displeased with the trios’ hesitation, Jin grunted lowly and collected Seul in his large hands.

It garnered the trios’ attention towards the eldest member, the look that they had on their face was a mixture of disapproval and fear. Seul felt the warmth around her, but she was too tired to open her eyes.

“Seul..focus.. Steady your breathing” Jin whispered softly, the girl recoiled under his touch as he leaned in. His nose bumped into hers, then a second later their lips met. She felt a slight tremor from course through her as he felt Jin sucking her soul away rendering her breathless. It really worked on her as she was caught of guard by the kiss.

Every part of her body felt both alert and relaxed. Jin’s soft yet plump lips against her felt so wrong yet so right. His kiss mesmerized her, stopping time and clouding logic. The remaining members stood there watching Jin did his thing with a mixed feeling. Part of them wanted to smack Jin and pulled him off her, yet they had no idea if the kiss actually worked. They couldn’t risk this.

How long is he going to lock her lip with his. Yoongi rubbed his back head in frustration. He could have done it instead of making the older guy doing the job. Goodness, if and only Jungkook and Jimin weren’t so adamant about respecting each other feelings.

Jin pulled away, leaving her breathless “It works” he stroked his thumb over her moist lips.

Seul blushed madly upon realizing the whole situation. Jimin smacked Jin’s hand away making the older guy to release Seul’s face. “Seul-ah, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that thing again. Shit, I was frustrated and angry. I am sorry” she gasped softly when Jimin embraced her tightly. It was a little too tightly actually.

“Ji- Jim-..Jimin can’t breathe” she coughed a little as the clumsy guy released her examining her body, lifting her arms and cupping her cheeks. “Oh god, I am sorry Seul.. did I hurt you anywhere?” she chuckled softly.

Seul sighed “I am alright Jims. Don’t worry”

Jungkook glanced at her in bafflement, probably was still shock after Jin’s bold move few minutes ago. He had to hold the urge to pull his hyung’s hair one by one. The revenge would come soon, Kim Seokjin.

Yoongi let out a sigh of relief, as he handed the plain water to her “Drink. You need to cleanse your mouth from Kim Seokjin’s dirty breath” he rolled his eyes earning a loud smack against his back by the one and only Kim Seokjin.

“Yah! Min Yoongi are you insulting me!”

Seul cringed at the loud voice, quickly took the drink from Yoongi “Thank you..” she softly muttered.

 Everyone scattered in the room after the confrontation taking a small break since they didn’t want to overwhelm Seul. She was sitting at the corner cross legged watching the boys having their private talk with each other. On her right side, Jungkook, Jimin and Yoongi were immersed in their conversation. She wondered if she was the main topic since they kept on stealing a glance at her way. Whilst, Namjoon and Hoseok were making fun of Jin trying to be heroic, saving her ass a moment ago.  

Gosh, that was embarrassing. She really hated herself from allowing such things happened to her again.

Her eyes darted off across the room looking for Taehyung. To her disappointment he was nowhere to be seen, she grew frustrated over it. Seul wanted to see him to wash off this guilt inside her. That was the only way to not let herself live in this unbearable pain.

“Are you looking for me?” Taehyung low mumbled could only be heard by her as he settled down beside her. Seul played with her fingers searching for inspiration to spark the conversation with Taehyung. She valued her friendship with him but when it slowly shattered this way, it hurt her in so many ways. She wondered why it really affect her.

Taehyung had to take a deep breath before he could even speak. His fingers unconsciously linked with hers “I felt pretty terrible for causing this and putting you in an uncomfortable situation. I know it is not your fault that those three men falling head over heels for you. I am being too harsh on you. Forgive me Seul?” she linked their fingers together.

“You don’t have to apologize. I am sorry for being selfish” she expelled a sigh of relief because Taehyung finally opened up to her. “I know you are uncomfortable with this whole thing, I have think of this thoroughly. Just like I said I will pre-“Taehyung hushed her by pressing his long slender fingers against her lips.

She was taken aback by his gentle move “Don’t..Take back your words. Don’t leave. If you leave now, it will only hurt us. We don’t want you to leave us. I know we are taking such risk by letting you in, but we cant afford to lose you. We will manage this Seul-ah. In the future, whatever happens we know…we are confident with our friendship. Let the time be the judge. Lets just enjoy the present and live our life as it is” he traced her jawline, to her cheeks.

“Taehyung…I..” she was touched by his kind words. His gentleness, his strong gaze and his deep voice, it was alluring him.

“Trust me. Trust us. We are BTS. We have gone through bunch of shits together, it only makes us stronger. Stay with us, make us feel more human. Only you can do that, Seul” he caressed his cheeks and quickly wiped the small tears which started to roll down again wetting her cheeks.

The members were firstly engrossed in their own things were watching two of them closely. They could finally breath a clear air now that Taehyung and Seul had reconciled. There were a lot of things happening in one day. With Yoongi and Jungkook unusual side that they’d never seen before, Seul’s making an appearance at the company helped to unravel everything.

They looked forward to this blossoming relationship with Seul.

The present sounded interesting to live from now on.

This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved

[that-kids-storybook]

There goes my first ever post! :) Hope you like it!

It was the cold breeze of November the second that made my hair flutter as I rollarskated my way down the fully decorated hallway, my eyes analysing the beautiful golden chairs perfectly aligned together majestically around the large red angelic serving table in the middle that was set up with those admirable empty culinary.

I circled my way round this beautiful aspect and immediately met with the familiar auroma of my favourite cake that was currently being prepared in the kitchen by my mother.

I licked my lips at the remembrance of the little personal fact: after my first birthday, it became a tradition for her to prepare my cake. I chuckled at the thought of her quoting; "Made with love," to my friends.

Speaking of friends, I had made sure to invite everyone I loved, which apparently meant that this was going to be an amazing day filled with laughter and happiness.

"I can't wait!" I exclaimed with my eyes closed and arms sticking out.

"This is going to b-"

My glorious train of thoughts and ranting was rudely disturbed by the solid concrete wall that divided the kitchen from the hall.

The momentum made me stumble backwards, and I crashed into the floor.

Letting out a moan and rubbing my sore temple, I stood up and pounted straight at the wall, glaring at it as if it were an offender who had managed to arrogantly disrespect me, just by existing.

"You'll never change will ya?"

Came an oddly familiar voice, I did not even need to look back as I already knew who it belonged to.

"I'm the 'Birthday Girl', I've an absolute right to act egotistical," I muttered enough for her to hear but not enough for my precious mother to hear either. I was not going to risk my chances of getting lectured. No, not at all.

"Yeah, yeah, understandable, anyway what's up?" Noor casually mimicked taking a seat on one of the golden chairs.

"Hey! Don't you dare sit on my legendary Iron-man chair, you punk!" I bellowed beckoning my best friend to sit on the couch instead.

"Dude, c'mon what made you choose a pathetic Iron-man theme?" She indirectly obliged to move an inch.

"Welp, Tony Stark's death ain't goin' good on me ya know... Poor Mr. Stark," I said mocking her tone.

"Hahaha, so funny,"

"Shut up, sour patch!"

"Why should I? Alpaca,"

"At least alpacas are cute," I acknowledged as-a-matter-of-factly, smirking.

"Mr. Stark I don't feel so good, please I don't wanna g-," She was disrupted by me throwing a cushion directly at her face.

'No one, I mean no one, makes a joke about Peter Parker's despair in this household,' I thought to myself.

"You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?!" I cursed, as a cushion hit me in my perfect tooth.

In no time, we found ourselves having a 'cushion war', as if that was even a thing.

"You won," I cried out in defeat, gesturing for her to give me her hand to stand up.

"C'here," she signed giving me her hand and making me stand on my own two feet.

"Lessgo," I said lazyly putting the rollerskates back on, ironically I wondered when I even took them off.

Slamming myself on the bed, with a slight thud, I sighed deeply. The clock on my bedside table notificed me that it was 4 O'clock which if we put in perspective, clearly meant that the celebration of me inhaling my first atoms of oxygen, would start in roughly an hour.

"You wanna kill some time while we wait for the party to start? I got the new Spider-man movie here!" Noor squeaked, beaming at the movie's compact disk in her right hand. How could I refuse such great things in life? "Yep, let's make this go down!" I sassed taking the disk from her hand and putting it into the drive reader of my laptop.

[Time Skip]

Noor and I were perfectly done with our routine of wasting time, the humongous clock on the ceiling of the hall boomed throughout the house. Indicating the time as 5 o'clock.

'The guests should be arriving by now,' My brain broadcasted to me.

We looked at each other, grins reaching our eyes. Nodding, we took a jog down the entrance gate of the house.

"Now, we wait," I said, proudly puffing my chest high. Noor just giggled at my childish behaviour.

Just as the door bell rang, I enthusiastically swung the door open without even bothering to confirm if it was a phedophile or not. Luckily, it was not.

"Konichiwa," the three of my friends chirped like sparrows. Making Noor and me snicker in the process.

It was just like I imagined a perfect birthday to be. After the arrival of my good friends, gradually as the clock ticked, the hall started to fill with my classmates and relatives. It was strange as well, because I did not remember requesting my mom to invite this much people, but perhaps the phrase; "The more = the better," was quite correct.

"It's 7 o'clock already, Areeba, when're ya goin' to cut the goddamn cake?" Screamed - I do not know - Mishal? Yeah it was her.

Taking Mishal's request as a treat, I proceeded to make my way toward my obviously expected Iron-man cake, which portrayed Tony Stark vibing with his capri-sun. To make it more divine, the candle holder was just above the nano infinity gauntlet, I was about to lit up the candle as Rozhna was informing the guests about the main ceremony taking place.

"Stop!" Shahar's voice echoed through the fusion of chatter, which made me stutter, fortunately, Noor caught me from the back before I could fall face-to-face into the cake. Not to mention but I reluctantly knocked a couple cupcakes in the chaos.

"What?" I whimpered practically shooting daggers at her through my eyeballs. How can someone not expect me to get furious after they make me subconsciously murder two delicious cupcakes?

"Areeba, we gotta talk this through," my dad joined in. The confused look on my face probably took Noor off-guard but I did not care, this was honestly pretty bizzare.

"On everyone's 13th birthday after they blow the candles, one word appears on their skin, depicting their career or purpose in life. We want you to know that after you blow this candle, your purpose, your destiny, will become apparent, it'll be engraved on your body, and you won't be able to get away with it, because that's what your chosen for," mom's little speech was appreciated by the crowd, as they were applauding and cheering, some were even whistling. Which only made me confuser.

"But how come I didn't know about this?" I whispered, hoping for some sort of savior to take my confusion away.

"It's because we're forbidden to let this bit of information wander through the ears of those who're younger than thirteen," Shahar, or in other words, my 'saviour' described causally. I looked through the crowd and realized that there were no children under the 'appropriate' age present. The little bulb inside my head lit up and I started laughing.

"Really? You sure this isn't a prank or somethin'?" I asked eyeing everyone in the room.

"Nope," Noor said softly, showing me her ankle, the word 'doctor,' inscribed there with a golden splint.

"Alright,"

The scene was overwhelming, literally everyone was curiously gathered around the table, pure astonishment in their eyes as I blew the candles. They were applauding which for some odd reason, made me feel sick to my stomach.

Just as the little fire left the candle top, everything went into slow motion, the party poppers that were shooted directly at me became numb, the second hand of the clock that hung high to the ceiling started to move moderately, the screams of joy disappeared, my heart was unusually beating faster, I could feel the aderline pumping through my veins as tears threatened to escape my eyes.

Pride, it was all I could feel.

After about what felt like an eternity, everything came back to as it always was.

Perhaps it was just me who felt that sensation?

"What is it?" A voice quizzed.

"Go to the bathroom and see!" Another voice ordered.

I have no idea what happened after that but when I did come to my senses, I found myself in the bathroom trying to find the word. Or if we put it bluntly, My Destiny.

I looked and looked but could not find it.

A thought made my heart swell.

What if all this was just a prank?

Before I could contemplate any further I started to sob hysterically while sitting crossed leg on the cold bathroom floor.

As my head jerked to the side, a glimpse of something red caught my attention.

I shakily closed my eyes and directed my head towards the back of my left foot.

Deep down, I wanted this 'prank' to not just be a prank. Pulling myself together, I opened my eyelids to find my destiny there, written in a colour as red as blood.

"Assassin,"

"Wow! That was lit!" Jax gasped, as he professionally shot the target in the most vulnerable spot, which instantly resulted in her dying.

"Yeah, mine is sort of the same!" Alexa declared, the smile visible even through the black cloth that she infamously described as her 'mask,'

I chuckled, "this is one of the best memories of my childhood," I mumbled dragging the body of our target toward the dumpster.

[looselucy]

Fight

“Maybe… Maybe you should put me down now.” I whispered after spending some time admiring the look of exhilaration that had clouded his usual bright eyes. “Shit, yeah, fuck, sorry.”

He distanced from me so that I could unwrap my legs from around his waist, shedding his body from mine. My feet slowly met the ground once again, my back still pressed against the wall beside his door, Harry keeping hold of me until the very last second, like he thought I may still fall over without his aid. I sort of felt the same way. We were slowly coming back to our senses, and it was leaving us both in a state where we weren’t quite sure what to say to one another. I was still rather breathless from the kiss, budging uncomfortably on my spot and staring up to him, seeing the way he still smiled, practically giddy. “Stop looking at me like that.” I blushed. “Sorry. Can’t help it.” “We’ve still got work to do, Styles.” He nodded, trying to bite back his smile, but I had instilled this ray of hope within him that was making him shine in ways that could not be darkened. “Okay, m’sorry.” He strained. “M’behaving.” I didn’t believe that for a second, but it was nice to feel so endeared by him rather than angry or frustrated or just overwhelmed by him and his actions. Desperate to escape his stares, I headed back through into the living room, letting him follow my lead. Through the doorway ahead of me, I spotted the broken mug that had shattered across the kitchen floor, my coffee seeping into and staining the wood. “Woah, Alf.” I heard Harry cry when he noticed my rapid approach toward the mess. “Please don’t. Let me sort that.” “For fuck sake, Harry.” I huffed as I crouched down on the ground and began carefully retrieving shards. “Please-” “Just help me.” Sighing so that he could make it clear he wasn’t impressed by how stubborn I was being, he retrieved a small dustpan and brush from the kitchen cupboard below his sink and then crouched down in front of me and got to work, managing to easily sweep up some of the larger pieces, the smaller ones trapped in dints and cracks. We were quiet for a while. “I’m sorry.” He muttered. “Why?” “I dunno why I do shit like this.” He nodded down to the shattered ceramic. He was frustrated with himself, ashamed about an outburst he’d had only moments earlier. I felt bad for him, in a way. I didn’t want him beating himself up over a mindless bit of rage that hadn’t really caused any harm. “I guess… emotions are running high today-” “That’s no excuse. I’ve still got stuff I need to work on, I know that.” He stopped what he was doing, looked right at me, so I looked at him. “There are still things about myself that I don’t like, and I want to be better. I need you to know that this isn’t… a reflection of me. This is all stuff I’m working on, Fee-Fee, I promise.” “I know.” I whispered warily. He nodded and dropped his head, got back to work. Harry had always been working on himself, trying to better himself. Always. It came as no surprise to me. He hadn’t needed to explain himself, but I could see why he had, especially after all the worries and emotions I had already expressed to him that morning. But I knew him and I knew that he’d always be making an effort to be the best version of himself; that’s just what Harry was like, successful or not. We were down to the final few pieces before he spoke again. “I’m sorry.” “You don’t need to keep apologising. It’s fine, honestly.” He simply shook his head, overthinking his actions, overthinking how I might be viewing his actions. He collected the final few pieces from the ground, standing back upright and heading to dispose of them as I stayed on the ground, watched him. “I’m not expecting you to be perfect, Harry.” I wanted to make that clear to him. If we were really going to try and make a go of things again, I didn’t want Harry to do so feeling like he had to be on his best behaviour, like he had to manage and alter himself to suit me. I had fallen in love with everything about him, not limited to his good attributes. “Okay.” He accepted through a sigh. “Then… tell me what you want.” I got to my feet, cautiously made my way over to him whilst he leaned against the kitchen counter, apprehensively awaiting my answer. “I can tell you what I don’t want.” I stopped a few inches ahead of him, noticing how the proximity affected him, made him tense and rattled in a rather charming way. “Tell me.” “I don’t want secrets. I don’t want to hide away, like we used to. I don’t want a relationship that’s locked indoors like we have something to hide. If you really want me back, we’re not just gunna pick things up where we left off. It’s something new, and it’s open.” “I want the same thing.” He whispered deeply. “And I don’t want to ever feel like I’m trying to… figure out what’s happening whilst you pull away from me. I want you to be open and honest, like you have been since you got back.” “I can do that.” He nodded. “And I’m not gunna pull away from you, Fee.” “You don’t know that.” “No, I do.” He fought. “You have to believe me. I… I don’t care what happens… You’re the one thing I’m certain of. No matter what changes around us, it’ll still be us. Just me and you.” He had said those very words to me so many times since he’d entered my life, claiming it was just me and him. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe him so badly. I took hold of his jumper with both hands, looking down as my fingers tugged and fiddled with the material. He covered my hands with his, touching me softly as I closed my eyes and shared what I believed was the most important thing that I didn’t want. “And I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to monitor yourself around me.” I told him timidly. “When you’re mad at me, be mad. When you’re feeling down, just feel it. I don’t ever want you to feel as though you can’t experience your emotions honestly because you might run the risk of losing me, because that’s not how it is, at all. I don’t want you to be perfect. I… I just want you.” When he didn’t respond to me, I lifted my head to look him in the eye, seeing the mystified look of adoration that cloaked his features, as though he couldn’t even believe what I had just said to him. He didn’t need to put on a show to win me back. He didn’t need to be faultless, because I wanted him with all his flaws, all the honest and raw love he had to offer. Our relationship beforehand had been shrouded in secrecy, and now all I wanted was a life of honesty with him. Tears began to fill his eyes, coming to terms for the first time with the fact that I wanted him, exactly how he was. I always had. “I love you so fucking much.” He gasped when the first tear fell.

“You’re fucking kidding. Tell me you’re kidding.” Harry gasped, sitting upright on the sofa. “I’m deadly serious.” “Chloe and Sam?” “Yep.” “Fuck off. What the fuck? I feel like you’re lying and you’re just seeing what I’ll fall for.” “I’m genuinely not lying, I promise.” I laughed. “They’re together.” “When? Why?” “For ages!” I cried. “Like… it was going on behind closed doors when we were going on behind closed doors.” “No fucking way. What the fuck is she thinking?” “They’re in love.” I shrugged, because there was truly no better explanation. “He seems to be loads better now, y’know. I think she’s the right person for him and now he’s like… the best version of himself. For her, because of her, I dunno. But… they’re really good together.” He seemed rather dubious, but Harry hated Sam more than I’d ever even had the energy to. But I knew I was right, and I remembered so clearly the time my dad had said that to me; that one day Sam would meet someone and all those wonderful things would just come naturally to him, and he would become the best version of himself when that day came. I truly believed Chloe was that person. “Well,” Harry sighed, focusing his gaze on his lap, where his fingers fiddled a fidgeted, a distraction from the obvious. “I get that. I think… I think you always made me the best version of myself, so… yeah. I get it.” The sun was beginning to set and the two of us were sat across from one another on his sofa, where we’d spent most of our day. Since my attempt and subsequent failure to leave, we had revisited his paintings, he’d spoken to me about them more, gave me a brush and tried to instil some knowledge upon me, teach me some techniques, the two of us painting together again, as we had that one time. In the afternoon, we had eaten together and been playful and spoken about absolutely nothing and yet everything, eventually moving our conversation to the sofa where we still sat. And we hadn’t kissed since that morning. That felt like a good thing, though difficult. Especially when he said things like that. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I had missed the simple pleasure of purely being around him; existing within his atmosphere and him existing within mine. I found that my most pensive and wistful moments were trapped inside his tiny movements, noises, his scent, his tone and mannerisms, the mundane tics of his that should have meant nothing that actually meant more than I’d ever realised. It felt incredible to just be around him. “What?” Harry sniggered. “Nothing!” “You’re staring. “M’not staring.” Clearly, I was lying. I didn’t cover it well and he certainly didn’t believe me, shaking his head and grinning wildly, mood lifting. The second I looked away from him, I felt the way he lifted his head and looked at me, blatantly obvious. It was no surprise he had noticed my stares. “Wanna hear the most unbelievable thing?” I asked him. “More unbelievable than Sam and Chloe?” “Mhm. By a mile.” “Hit me.” “Your mum knew my mum.” I lifted my eyes so I could see his immediate reaction. He went pale. Literally. The life drained from his skin as the knowledge I had shared settled in his mind, becoming so completely dumbstruck I wasn’t sure I’d ever get any words from him again. It was odd to have to catch him up on things such as Sam and Chloe, the way our mothers knew one another. He hadn’t even known that Louis and Libby were engaged. He’d missed out on so much since he had left, the little and large occurrences. Telling him had helped me to realise how much he cared, not just about me but about everything and everyone he had found in Rosebury. He'd missed it, I could tell. “When they were little, before your mum moved away.” I continued when I realised that he wouldn’t be able to form an answer. “Best friends, apparently. That’s kinda how me and your mum got talking. She came into my shop and she recognised my name, and then she mentioned the dog my mum had when she was little, and it clicked. Turns out they were pretty close.” “Holy shit.” He panted. “I know.” I’m not sure what I expected him to say. There wasn’t much to say, really, it was just incredible to think about. It had been almost a month since she had visited my shop and we had come to that astounding realisation, and it still hadn’t quite sunk in. It was such a wonderful thing. Somehow it made me feel more of a bond with my mother whilst also giving me more of a bond with Harry. It was a stunning sensation to experience. He shook his head, spoke breathily. “I… I don’t believe in fate, but shit. Meeting you makes me doubt myself.” “Turns out we go pretty far back.” I smiled. “And further forward, I hope.” The gentle optimism within his voice made me tremble, gazing down into my lap and failing to hide my smile. “Shit. I can’t believe they knew each other.” “Crazy, innit?” “S’weird. Makes me feel… even closer to you.” “I… I’ve missed being close with you.” I mumbled nervously. “I’ve missed everything about you, to be honest.” “I’ve missed you too.” His voice was quiet but confident, clear, rueful. “Just… this. Being around you. Talking to you. You were… everything whilst I was here. I guess I hadn’t realised just how much of a void there would be in my life without you.” “When you left… did you think that was it? Like… did you think that was the end? Or did you always want to… come back?” “I thought that was the end. But only because I thought things were better that way. That you’d be happier that way. I didn’t think your happiness could include me.” “Now you think… you’re my happiness?” “I think I could be.” He responded. “If you want me to be. If you let me. I could be a part of it, anyway. I know your friends and your life here is your happiness, I just wanna be a part of that again.” “I know what you mean, but… you had a life here too, Harry. You didn’t just come into mine. It was yours.” “Well then I want to live a life that’s ours.” He was being so incredibly forward, his endeavour clearly to make up for all those times where he hadn’t been upfront with me. But I knew that wasn’t the sole reason behind his earnest nature; I knew that he desired to be that way for himself. This was a new corner he had taken, and finally, he found strength in honesty, when all he had found before was weakness and pain. His truth was finally something that made him strong. I remained coy, still not giving him a certain answer whenever he had put himself and his wants out on a line for me to analyse. I just blushed, my stomach seeming to expand and shrink in quick succession as I tried to avoid his words. “Uh… It’s getting late.” I choked. “We should probably get some sleep.” “Spare room?” He asked. “Spare room.” I confirmed. He didn’t put up a fight, which I appreciated, but I didn’t miss the look of disappointment that danced over him, even if it was just for a split second. His shoulders dropped, his throat snagged, a gulp of air hitting the back of his throat before he nodded, his eyes looking anywhere other than at me. “Okay. You’re the boss.” He smiled. That didn’t help me, him saying that. Even more than him calling me boss, it was the simple fact that I knew he meant it. He wasn’t just saying it, he wasn’t secretly frustrated by where I wanted to spend my evening; I was the boss and it was totally up to me and he respected whatever my choice was. That made my decision to stay in the spare room even less appealing than it already was. Harry got up to his feet, offering his hand to me so that he could help me upwards. Placing my fingers between his set my whole body alight. Every fucking inch of it. I couldn’t believe it, but that simple touch we shared brought back so many feelings, ones I had spent that day with him trying to subdue and repress, ones I had tried to forget for the past year. I had wanted to talk with him and truly gather how I felt without the physical side of things, without my passions taking over, but then all I had to do was hold his hand and these undeniable emotions rushed over me. I could have cried it was so overwhelming, and all he’d done was take my fucking hand and it was as though I could see my future with him, map it all out and plan because I fucking trusted him. It didn’t matter what had happened, I trusted him and I knew I wouldn’t be a fool to open my heart back up to him once again. I just knew it. And all I’d done was hold his fucking hand. I withdrew my touch with speed, thanking him quietly for his assistance and then scuttling out of the room with my head down to the ground, deluded by thinking that may help me and my dire need to avoid both him and the feelings he was inflicting upon me by doing so little. I’d just wanted to be that bit stronger, a way of proving to him just how serious I was, just how much he’d hurt me. I had fooled myself into thinking that would be easy, that the infuriation and hurt that I had homed for the past year would be enough to stop me feeling fondly for him prematurely, before I’d fully made my point, before I’d reached my final conclusion. I was just drawn to him in ways I couldn’t deny. He was a few steps behind me as we made our way upstairs in silence for the second consecutive night, but unfortunately the fact it wasn’t the first time didn’t put me any more at ease. If anything, I was more tense than I had been the night before. “Thank you.” Harry said as I reached the doorway to the spare room, turning around so I could look at him. “For today. I’ve loved it.” It had been rather magnificent to spend so much time with him again. I hadn’t expected it to be quite as easy as it was, but being around him and talking to him had been as natural and wonderful as it always had been. He somehow managed to make me feel so relaxed, so myself. I’d loved it too. “Goodnight.” I smiled, beginning to close the door. “Night.” He returned. I shut him out as quickly as I could, then laying my forehead against the door and closing my eyes, fighting urges, taking a minute to myself before I ripped away and started undressing, pulling my t-shirt over my head as I wandered to the far side of the bed. I really wanted to snap out of it. I could feel my self-control slipping away as I undressed, begging me to stop being so stubborn and to face up to the fact that I should have been in the room next door. I should have been with Harry. I sat myself on the edge of the bed when I got down to my underwear, in two minds. I didn’t want love to have been the thing to shatter me. It had reached the stage where it was my decision, what love did, how it affected me, and I could either let it be something that drained me and caused pain, or I could let it consume me in the greatest way it could; with warmth and joy and devotion and desire and passion and every fucking thing he wanted to offer me. I made a split decision which side of my mind to follow. I decided how love would influence my life and command my soul. I got back to my feet, cursing beneath my breath as I stormed right back out of there, into the hall and knocking on his door as quickly as I could. He appeared within seconds, panting, he too stripped down to his underwear. “Please tell me you wanna stay in here.” He gasped, and I nodded. “Thank fuck, m’dying.” The relief physically poured from him, stepping aside to welcome me back into his bedroom fully as I giggled at his response to me, my eyes exploring the dimly lit space, the moonlight welcoming a murky glow into his stark room. My smile didn’t last long. “There’s no plants.” I mumbled as he closed the door. “No. I uh… I had to get rid of them when I left.” His room had always been a bare and barren place, but without those plants there was really nothing to it, just his low bed and unmade sheets and us. Nothing more than that. “It doesn’t feel right. Doesn’t feel like you.” I stated, staring down to the empty space where his plants had once been. “It does now you’re here.” My eyes drew back to him, seeing the solemn and serious look upon his face, marking just how much he had meant those words. He was somehow managing to make me so nervous, my stomach in knots, questioning how one person could make me feel so on edge and exhilarated whilst simultaneously being the embodiment of home. As much as I had missed him, I hadn’t necessarily missed what he could do to me, how weak he could make me. It was something I seemed to have a love / hate relationship with. It was both fascinating and infuriating. He must have noticed my uneasiness, my apparent inability to answer him. “C’mon. Let’s go to bed.” He suggested. We both walked around to what we knew were our subconsciously designated sides of the bed, Harry first quietly observing as I lay myself down and dragged the duvet upwards, and then he joined me, the two of us laying with a huge space between us in the centre, facing one another. I looked into his eyes for as long as I could stomach, seeing right into his soul. “This feels weird.” I hushed honestly. “I mean… it feels right, but weird.” “It feels right?” “Mm. I… For fuck sake.” I chuckled, hiding my face by dragging the duvet even higher. “Forget I said that. I’m embarrassing myself. Ignore me.” “I can’t ignore you, that’s my problem.” We had both tried to ignore each other, disregard that feeling the other inspired, but at that point I was sure that doing so would mean we were fighting a losing battle. Maybe it was better to surrender. He grasped the duvet, slowly easing it downwards so that he could see my face, then placing his fingers beneath my chin to gently nudge my head up, urging me to look at him once again. “I… I think it feels right because it is right.” He elaborated on my words. “There’s something about me and you, Alf. We’ve both tried to fight it but this is where we’ll end up, every time. Maybe we should stop fighting.” I had no fight left in me. Whatever it was I had been trying to dismiss, it wasn’t going to happen. It may have taken some time, but as I closed my eyes then, I felt I had accepted that within myself. I was making my peace with it, I just needed to sleep on it, and then it would be time to truly share that with him. I only opened my eyes again when I felt his touch move, the back of his fingers resting against my cheek whilst his thumb stroked sweetly back and forth beneath my eye. He had tears in his eyes. “Why’re you crying?” I asked with an ache in my gut. “I missed this.” He managed to smile, a tear rolling from his eye and hitting the pillow. “Even just seeing you like this. It’s fucking pathetic, but I… I’ve stared at the empty side of the bed for over a year, and now you’re actually here again and I… I can’t explain what it’s doing to me.” Whatever doubts I may have had when it came to Harry and his feelings towards me had been entirely demolished. Everything from the way he moved to the way he looked at me and the things he said, there was no way I could feel anxious or worry over the truth of his feelings; he lay himself totally bare for me. He was quiet, unbelievably beautiful and alluring even when he was in tears. I kept my eyes on him, my hand laying lightly on his chest. “Will you hold me?” I eventually asked. He nodded, still not quite able to believe that I was there with him, bewildered by my presence and how close I wanted us to be. And so leaned into him, placed the smallest and most delicate kiss I possibly could upon his lips, lingering within the moment a few breath-taking seconds before I pulled away, noticed the woozy look of bliss on his face before I turned myself to face away from him. His arms were around my waist within a second, pulling me back to him, breathing me in. I loved the way his body felt against mine, the strength he used to capture me and keep me as his own, kissing the back of my neck and keeping his snare secure, holding me as close as he could, tender yet intense. He handled me with care, compensating for the harm he had caused. Nothing felt better. I could have stayed there forever, knowing that I consumed every sense he had. “Goodnight.” I cooed once I felt totally settled, sleep only seconds away. “Goodnight, Fee-Fee.”

July 20th Waking up hadn’t felt that good in months. The sun was bright, casting shadows of the woodland onto his bedroom floor. Harry’s arms were still around me, like we hadn’t moved a muscle since we’d slotted ourselves together the night before, as though our bodies had relished in their chance to merge into one once more. I got this immediate sense of peace, as soon as I opened my eyes, slowly blinking in the morning, hearing Harry breathing ever so gently behind me. I could hear a bird chirping just outside his window, feel the warmth of his body radiating against mine. I didn’t even want to wake him, I simply wanted to stay in that moment, embrace it in all its glory. It was quite some time before he stirred, inhaling both the morning and me, snuggling closer. “It wasn’t a dream then.” He grumbled. “Huh?” “You’re really here. You’re really in my bed with me.” “I am.” “Fucking mad how good it feels.” He chuckled as I unhinged from him just slightly, enough so that I could turn around and look at him, propping myself up with my elbows, Harry keeping me wrapped in his arms as much as he could. “You sleep okay?” “Really well.” This time, I wasn’t lying. “Did you?” “Yeah. Amazingly, actually. Like I used to.” He always looked so good in the morning, with his eyes still droopy, hair messy, voice docile and deep. Harry was at his absolute finest mere moments after stirring, it was implausible. “Thank you for letting me stay in here.” “Letting?” He sniggered. “It’s hardly like I’ve done you a favour.” “I guess not.” I laughed lightly. “I feel like if anything, I should be thanking you.” He smiled. “Even for… giving me a chance. I know I probably don’t deserve it, after everything.” “Harry-” “Y’know what, this might be a little too deep, a little too early. It’s a bit much.” He grinned sweetly. “Let’s have a relaxed morning. I’ll start my begging again later.” My cheeks were already hurting thanks to the size of my smile. I admired him in silence, stroking my thumb across his bottom lip, taking my time to silently worship each individual feature on his face, noticing that after a while of staring back at me he just closed his eyes, cherished my touch. We stayed that way for some time, quiet, calm. And then I shattered it. “I love you.” I gasped. His eyes bolted back open. Frankly, I was as stunned as he was. Not only was that the first time I had told him I loved him since he came back, but it was the first time that I was able to admit to myself that I loved him, that I’d always loved him. It had never stopped. It had never lessened or frozen or weakened; it had always been there, even when he wasn’t. He was right with what he’d said the night before, about us trying to ignore and fight our instincts; no matter how we tried, no matter how valiant our efforts, we would find our way back to each other every single time. We didn’t quite seem to function fully without the other. Tears created a mist that clouded his green eyes, lips parted, body shaking. “I don’t wanna fight it anymore.” I started crying too. “I’m so tired of fighting.” “Don’t fight it.” He shivered. “I love you.” I lay myself back down on my side of the bed like even saying it exhausted me, made me need to rest my body. “I really love you, I never stopped. And I want this. I want all the things you want, but I’ve just been so scared to admit this because I didn’t know if you really did love me or-” “Don’t.” He tried to stop my words of doubt. “But-” “Fee-Fee, I…” He was struggling to word how he felt. “I gave you my heart the second I told you about my family. I just didn’t know what it meant. And… I didn’t know that you’d keep it.” I suppose Harry hadn’t expected me to look after his heart in the way I had. Too often his life had revolved around times of hardship and losing those he loved, feeling as though his heart had been misused or abandoned, misunderstood and jilted. I wanted to prove to him that his heart was finally in safe hands. As long as he wanted to keep mine, I would keep his heart close and fill it with all the love he had missed out on in his loneliest years. “I love you, Harry.” “Fuck, I love you too.” I hadn’t even known where his hands were beforehand, but all of a sudden they were on the back of my head and weaving through my hair, pulling me closer to him so that he could close the gap and put his lips on mine, his hands grasping so his fingertips pressed heavy into my head, his hips winding forward until his body pushed restlessly against mine. I snaked my hands up to clasp at his neck, feeling the way his jaw moved when his mouth widened as his tongue teased my own, one hand of his leaving my hair and moving down my body so that he could yank my waist so that I was closer to him even still. I hung my leg over his hip, pushed my groin to his, heard him bleat bleakly in response, hardening and swelling through his boxers and I could feel it. His fingers went to my bra as mine went to find the band of his underwear, pulling them down as far as I could without breaking our kiss, leaving him to do the rest of the work once they were out of reach, kicking them off his legs as I took his dick in my hand, heard the way he groaned in response, so loud and raw that it was obvious just how long it had been since I had touched him that way, the power of what I was doing to him. “Fuck, Fee-” He grunted. “I want you.” He lost his patience quite quickly, moving so that he was above me and he could easily make his way down my body, kissing trails right from my neck and over my chest and my stomach whilst his fingers dug into either side of my knickers and gradually guided them downwards, meaning that within seconds the two of us were completely naked, and his mouth was an inch away from my clit. “Fuck.” I was already breathless, just feeling him breathe against me, my head lolling heavily into the pillow. He turned his head, kissed the inside of my thigh, his teeth teetering tenderly against my skin, harsh enough that I was forced to bite my lip. And then his tongue was on my clit, his hands clasping my legs and forcing them to widen, eyes burning me as he watched my reaction, which was one of astonishment. I’d almost forgotten how good he was, how good he made me feel. He’d barely started, but it was the fact it was him doing it that made it feel so utterly extraordinary. The way his mouth moved was wonderous, my fingers digging into the mattress whilst his tongue worked my clit, hardly able to hear the way he moaned thanks to my panting and whining, pushing a little closer to him. For a few moments, it was as though nothing had changed, as though we hadn’t lost all that time. I closed my eyes, and all those months rewound in my mind, back to before his brother had broken into his home, before I’d told him I loved him. I was back in those perfect months we had shared, where it seemed like he was my whole world, when nothing else had mattered except us and our relationship. I wanted that again. I wanted to be totally consumed by him in every single way I could be. But I knew that this time around we’d have an honesty we never had before, an openness, a chance to build something that felt real, something that would last. If I thought what we’d had before was perfect, it would pale in comparison to what we were about to create together. “Harry,” I gasped, my left hand resting over my breast and my fingers rubbing my nipple as my right hand reached down, my fingers clasping at his hair. “M’so close.” I gazed down my body and pulled at his hair, harsh enough that he had to stop for a second, his eyes like saucers and his wet lips forming a blissed-out smile, appreciating my taste and my tight grip. He went back in as soon as he could, his hand moving from my leg so that he could touch my heat, circling and then easing his thumb into me, the perfect addition to what his mouth was doing. I unravelled, practically screaming as I did, Harry still with his mouth right against me, devouring my orgasm before he started moving back up my body, his wet kisses marking his journey back up to my mouth. He kissed me, but I struggled to respond, like everything was just happening around me and I was too out of it to actually do anything myself. “I’ve missed hearing you scream like that.” He grunted, two of his fingers rubbing slowly between my folds. He'd always liked that, how loud I was. I could still remember everything about that time in his gym, the first time he’d touched me that way, covered my mouth with his hand to try and drown out my cries. “Make me scream again.” I requested breathlessly, biting my bottom lip. He smirked, positioned himself, looked down between our bodies to watch what he was doing as he slowly pushed himself into me, filling and stretching me out, both of us cursing in time with one another. Fuck it felt so good. Too good. “Holy shit, fuck.” He almost sounded angry as he moved and kissed my neck, every movement and every touch heavy and harsh. It was us, it Harry and me, and I think no matter the circumstances it would have been incredibly intense, but it had been so fucking long since we’d been together that way, and neither of us had been with anyone since. It had been seconds, he had barely moved, and yet it was so vivaciously powerful and overwhelming that it was almost like this sexual awakening I was experiencing. Maybe on some level I knew this was it, that he was the person I would play my days out with, that no one else would ever touch me that way again. I thought it would be a tender moment, but it seemed our bodies didn’t know how to make this delicate. There was too much power, too much passion behind every movement. There was too much depth for this moment to ever be light. I clawed at his back, his thrusts driving me into the bed with so much power I thought my imprint may remain in his mattress from that point onwards. His messy mouth moved from my neck to my lips, kissing me with everything he had. “I love you.” He whined. “I love you too.” I just about replied, my words shrouded in desire. His hands were on my waist, so forceful that it was almost painful, but in this strange way it was enjoyable. I knew I didn’t want him to let go. The bed moved as he did, and I was already so out of it with pleasure that I could barely comprehend what was happening, how big and commanding he was, how forceful his kiss. He told me he loved me again, gasped those three words I had waited so long to hear him say, and then he said them over and over again until it felt as though that was all I could hear. He surrounded me with the love he had finally learnt how to give, and I wanted him to do that forever. I started to cry. I wasn’t sure when it happened, and those tears were not derived from any pain or sadness. I just started crying, tears quietly streaming down my face, my chest juddering. Harry noticed, stopped kissing me. “Alf? What’s wrong?” “Nothing, it’s nothing.” I shuddered, smiled up to him. “It’s perfect, I promise.” I didn’t need to reassure him more than that, because he understood it. He understood the emotions I was experiencing and why they had stirred that reaction. I remembered how it used to be when we slept together. We’d always had that connection that made our sex magnificent, unlike anything I’d experienced before him; it had never been bad, but there had been times where it had felt empty. There had been times where he was like a stranger and I’d struggled to find that real bond with him. He had gotten so accustom to locking himself away from others and sharing nothing real that sometimes being intimate with him had been anything but. Being with him then was like I could see and feel everything, all of who he was, who he had been, who he wanted to be in his future, our future. There was nowhere to hide anymore. He kissed me until he physically couldn’t any longer, his orgasm building up and conquering his body. I could literally feel the heat rising through his frame, watching him intently. “Fuck, fuck.” He broke, jamming his forehead against mine as he finished. I grabbed his cheeks in my hands and kissed at his lips as he came back around, smiling as I planted tiny pecks upon him, able to feel his shakes. He looked so beautiful, so happy. His face was this picture of pure pleasure and joy, which was exactly why I wanted to kiss it over and over again. We’d both been sort of spaced-out all morning, not quite able to comprehend where we were and how we were feeling. “This can’t be real.” He whispered. Harry never expected the best. Even after therapy, and how much that had helped him and assisted when it came to him viewing things that little bit differently, it hadn’t quite done enough to alter that part of Harry’s mind that always expected the worst, because so often it was the worst he had gotten. “It’s real.” I told him. “You love me?” “I do. And I forgive you. I understand and I forgive you and I wanna move on and build a future with you. If that’s what you want.” “Of course that’s what I want.” He gasped. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.” We started kissing again, wrapping our arms around one another and writhing around on his bed, obsessed with each other. He took me with him as he rolled onto his back so that I was straddling him, my long hair falling all around us, our smiles an additional part of our kiss. We cooled, Harry biting his lip as he gazed up to me. “So… where do we go from here?” I asked. “Uh… I guess we need to tell everyone. Fuck.” “Louis knows.” “Of course Louis knows, you tell Louis everything.” He sniggered. I hit his chest playfully, deciding not to tell him that Lin had also figured out that something had been gone on with us. I knew what Harry was like, and I knew it was no time for me to be mentioning Lin. “And I’m gunna move back here. Back into this house.” He said. “What? You are?” Even with all the things he’d said to me, I had still expected him to up and leave, sell that house. There was a reason he’d bought that building in the first place, and it had fallen through. I thought it might hurt him too much to stay there. “I think I bought this house convinced that it was for my mum and that was all it could be, but maybe it should be mine. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be about the past, but it’s supposed to be about the future. My future here, with you.” “I agree. I think you need to start putting yourself first, Harry.” “I wanna live here. I wanna be with you. That’s what I want. That’s me putting myself first. Being here is my happiness, I know it. You’re my happiness.” I had tears in my eyes. My heart was beating out of my fucking chest. “You’re coming home.” I quivered. “I’m coming home.” He confirmed, eyes misting over once more. My delight was so monopolizing, such a force to be reckoned with. Harry and the love we shared was my eschatology, proving that I had found what I needed and I no longer had anything to seek in order to make my life better. He was the finale, the end of it all, the highest form of heaven that I could reach. All my life, I had heard people say that love was blind, but being with him proved that to be untrue. Love is not blind, it is all-seeing, attuned, all-consuming, intuitive, omnipotent, almighty, observant, controlling and compelling. Love was not blind nor ugly, as I had always known it to be. It had changed completely. And I had Harry to thank for that.

[maerrybom]

Divine Punishment - Part 2

this is a continuation from part 1! the team is currently residing in Takamagahara bar and it’s been 3 days since Sol fell into unconsciousness—and tonight she finally wakes up.

masterlist is here if you’d like to see the rest of my work!

Sol’s Route

“She’s awake. You can see her now.”

Humpback Whale informed the three anxious males and immediately rushed upstairs to the room where Sol was confided in. They have been distracting themselves by entertaining the customers in the bar ever since they arrived, occasionally discussing among themselves at the back to decide what their next plan was. But, the upperclassmen couldn’t come up to a decision when their minds were clouded by their worry over their dear freshman.

“Sol!”

Caesar was the first to reach the door and slammed it open, causing the poor girl to yelp in response. Sol’s wide eyes connected with Caesar’s concerned ones, but her gaze was quickly torn away from his when Luminous managed to squeeze himself in front of his senior as tears dripped down his face.

“H-Hey!”

“Sol, you’re alive!” Luminous cried, throwing his sobbing form at her.

She flinched in response when Luminous draped himself over her covered legs and buried his crying face on her lap, feeling the blanket dampen. Sol subtly sighed but smiled nonetheless at him, gently caressing his brown hair to soothe him like a mother would do for her child.

“Luminous, you’re embarrassing yourself.” Johann commented, but the boy’s muffled cries turned louder. He shook his head at this before looking at Sol, “You seem to be doing alright. You’re fortunate enough that the bullet didn’t hit any of your vital organs, however you still lost a lot of blood. I didn’t think you could make it. You’re lucky to be alive.”

She felt her soul falter at how her senior didn’t have much faith in her, but this was expected from him. Sol still smiled at the other two and replied, “Is that so? Well, I’m glad you’re all okay too. I’m sorry for being weak. It won’t happen again.”

Caesar wasn’t having it.

“Do you even hear yourself right now?” The blonde was fuming, “you almost died!”

The smile on Sol’s face dropped from her features as her lips morphed into a thin line. She stopped petting Luminous’ head, causing him to sit upwards to look at Caesar in shock. Johann simply raised an eyebrow at his sudden behaviour, silently wondering why he was angry when he was the most concerned one out of all of them.

“Caesar, she just woke up. Why—?”

“Leave us for a bit. I want to speak to her alone.” Caesar cut Luminous off.

Sol reached over Luminous’ nearby hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The brunette turned back to the girl, who gave her an are-you-sure look, but she only smiled at him reassuringly. And with that confirmation, Johann & Luminous reluctantly stepped out of the room and closed the door behind them. As soon as they were left alone, Caesar stared down at the girl in disappointed silence.

“Do you have anything else to say for yourself?”

“I’m...” Sol whispered hesitantly at first, but she returned his gaze with a piercing stare. “...Not going to apologise.”  

“What?”

“I’m not going to apologise or regret a decision I made.”

Caesar was bewildered at her response, feeling his head combust in both confusion and anger. For the past few days, he’s been so stressed and worried about the girl but Sol doesn’t even take a second glance for her own well-being. She really didn’t regret anything.

“Sol,” Caesar began, placing his hands on his hips. “Tell me why you did it then.”

Sol didn’t take any time to think, answering him like an automated machine. “If anyone deserved a chance to live, it had to be Luminous. It had to be Johann. It had to be you. It had to be anyone, but me.”

“Luminous may lack skills in both practical and theoretical situations, but he has so much potential that he still hasn’t discovered yet. Johann is determined and he’s driven with purpose.” She continued, “you are a Gattuso—you have a reputation to keep and protect, a family and a fiance waiting for you to return to them. There’s still so many people out there that you need to save and they’re still waiting for someone like you.”

“I’m... Just a freshman at Cassel College. I have no family or a home to return to. I don’t have anything left to keep or lose. I don’t deserve to—”

“Be quiet.”

Caesar angrily interrupted the girl, hurt evident in her startled expression as her eyebrows burrowed in confusion. Then, he strolled over at the side of her bed to sit down as Sol continued to watch him. He suddenly reached his hands towards her face and Sol could only gape at him with uncertainty as he cupped her cheeks with his large and surprisingly warm hands. She didn’t know what to do and looked down at her lap out of panic and fear, yet she didn’t have the strength to pull away.

“Look at me, Sol.”

“...I don’t want to.” She whispered.

Caesar sighed, “Don’t think I don’t notice how you always seem to avoid eye contact with me as much as possible.”

It was true. She didn’t know how to feel whenever she looked straight into his eyes; it was overwhelming trying to talk to him because his eyes... It made her feel both threatened and protected at the same time. Sol couldn’t explain, gulping in response for being caught red-handed.

“But that’s not what I’m trying to say,” Caesar responded to her silence, pulling away from the girl (much to her relief) but still kept some closeness between them.

“Your life is equally as valuable as everyone else’s. No one can easily replace you when you’re gone. You’re one of a kind, like a snowflake. You live your life differently in comparison to others and developed in a way that is suited to you as an individual. You’ve seen so many things that have been either beautiful or hideous to you. You’ve cried over things that hurt you, yet you’ve laughed and smiled at things that made you happy. Your life is full of wonders and has been specially made for you. Please don’t sacrifice your life to save others.”

Sol stayed silent, her gaze lingering on her features as Caesar looked back at her with a stern expression. She didn’t sense any anger from him anymore, but she knew he wasn’t lying. He was being genuine, like he has always been.

“I killed someone,” Sol admitted flatly. “I took away someone’s life for someone else’s and I would do it again for the people I care about. Can you still say the same?”

“Solving violence with violence will only bring out more violence.” He replied, “I know you’re not a murderer. You only did what you could’ve done in a situation like that. Tell me Sol, what have you done wrong that makes you believe you’re unworthy of living?”

“My EX skill: Heaven’s Gate is extremely unstable.” She explained, “as you’ve seen, it allows me to open portals and send people to their fate for the sins they’ve committed. In other words, I can ‘dictate’ what peoples’ fates are, even if they’ve done no wrongdoings in their life. If I’m not careful, I could send everyone in this planet to hell until this world ceases to exist. I know this because I’ve gone berserk before and it caused me to kill my family.”

Caesar took in what she said and let her continue, “I don’t... Know how or why it happened. I don’t even remember who or how my family looks like anymore. I was just a child who knew no better and I still am. This is the reason why I can’t accept my worth. Because I’m alive, I will be nothing but everyone’s doom one day.”

Her abilities were definitely powerful, as expected from having S-talent but he didn’t expect that she’s suffered the consequences for having such power at such a young age. Caesar didn’t know what to say, especially when he was just told about something so painfully personal. He didn’t want to dig any deeper because he already knew how he felt about Sol.

Yet he kept quiet, studying and taking in her features. He didn’t realise her mossy-green hair was down as Sol always had her hair up in a high ponytail or in a pretty braid. Her green locks fell in front of her, as if they were forming a ‘barrier’ of protection from him. She was fiddling with her fingers, which was a habit he noticed whenever she was ashamed, and stared at them but him. Then, Caesar raised a hand to lift her chin up to look up at him.

“Do you think I’m ashamed of you? Do you believe I don’t want you alive?”

Sol didn’t have a choice but stared back at him. She was speechless; she tried to come up with what to say but to no avail. So, Caesar let go and pulled the girl into a hug as he buried her face onto his chest.

“I want you alive. We all do.”

She felt her throat burn, inhaling that oh-so familiar scent of vanilla and fresh roses with a faint smell of Cuban cigars that he uses. Caesar’s warmth filled the hollows of her tattered heart, melting her doubt and anxiety away. She didn’t even realise how tense her shoulders have become as they relaxed into his warm embrace and remained still, trying to take everything he offered her. His heartbeat drummed gently under her ear, calming her nerves down. Strangely, it reminded her of the ocean back at Siberia Harbor whenever she watched the gigantic sea creatures dive into her vision, causing the waves crash by the shore. Sol was at peace.

“You must live on, Sol. Live a life with people who care for you and vice versa. Live for yourself.” Caesar whispered, gently caressing her head while brushing her hair in the process. “Please, live for me too.”

And for the first time in a while, she cried her heart out. 

[catandguitarsnugglingonthecouch]

I'm working my way through all the novelizations and dramatizations of TE's life...

Today it's "Waters of Babylon" by David Stevens

"Waters of Babylon" by David Stevens is a really mixed bag for me. I partly liked and disliked the characters and characterization of them. Some of them seem nearly real — like John Bruce — others are dreamlike or sketched, like the inhabitants of Karachi and Slaney, who just tumbles from experience to experience. The whole book has a dreamlike quality. Scenes jump in time and place, and are only held together by the incessant inner monologue of the narrator. The POV changes again and again, which makes sense, as everybody gives their own account of the happenings and so the whole storyline is highly subjective and disjointed. And even as we readers listen to the unraveling of this life, even by looking at extremely intimate details and thoughts, there is a veil between us and the story teller we can not part. Motivations are described, but they stay alien to us, as do the desires of a truly lonely heart. Stevens describes TE as a queer, heavily masochistic man, there is no grey zone. But one as suppressed by himself as you can get. By administration of a victorianized medieval honour code; knightly behaviour, chivalry and chastity, this small, strong-willed, sensitive, strange, deeply lonely creature builds a little private hell of neuroses and pathologies, as an armor towards the world. Not able to reach through and touch somebody after losing his one shiney golden love, he goes to complicated lengths to ensure some outlet if pressure builds too high; in the form of the beatings by Bruce (and others), his long, chosen servitude and his try to move to a baseness of living which has no more way down. Sometimes this is described admirably, because we see this mostly through Bruce's eyes, and his persona is void of disgust or judgement. Stevens built this character "rock-solid", without any imaginative spirit, a real down to earth lifesaver in a sense. The relationship that forms between them is delicate on behalf of the complicated serve/not-serve components. Bruce clearly moving fast from paid-to-beat towards deep interest in and admiration of his strange friend. Lawrence lingering longer on the notion that Bruce just does as told because there is money in it. But he finally comes to terms with his and Bruce's feelings. His bad experience with Slaney may have opened his eyes about his chances of finding some resemblance of happiness. That scene bothered me personally; I think Stevens could have put the breakup between Lawrence and Slaney better, as Slaney already was disgusted to a certain degree by something he perceived as "queer and sexual", even without knowing exactly what this was. But the book needed one real bad guy, a traitor, someone we could dislike.

The last scenes between Lawrence and Bruce may seem unlikely, but Stevens clearly needed some romantic clearance for his figures (and I found them very moving and sweet, as I am a big old fluff myself).

Charlotte Shaw's character came over as very strong, a fussy lioness, deceived behind her slightly shabby chic. She was a mother figure and a friend, a confidante and stronghold. It's not possible not to like her. Her meeting with Feisal is a wonderfully fantastic scene. The way she tricks him so innocently... Feisal's inner monologue about TE is equally interesting; the way the author uses his persona for a sympathetic but cooler look onto Lawrence is clever. After all the drama and the intimately close relations we witnessed through the book, then comes this character and brings us back to the beginnings. His description of TE as "out of sorts with his own class and overwhelmed by his own intellect, drawing comfort out of the brute simplicity of donkey boys. One of those strange and lonely men who thinks the world well lost for love." is so on the point and sad, that I really thought that Stevens spoke through Feisal's character to the reader about his view on TE.

As reader I went from being silently moved by the persons described to being confused or slightly disgruntled by the happenings very fast. Stevens mixed sweetness and roughness, sometimes erotic image and humour in the same scene. Before reading, one should be aware that this book takes a Freudian look onto the world, nearly everything comes down to sex drive and Ego. That's neither wrong nor bad, but not very subtle. If you expect erotica or real romance... not happening. Therefore it's just not empathic enough. He stayed true to timelines and places as much as was free to research. And TE isn't always a likeable character in the story. He lies, tells tales, is vain, gives in to temptations and can't accept himself as he is written in the book... But overall a good read. Just... strange.

Waters of Babylon, David Stevens, 248 pages

Available at the Internet Archive or for purchase at Amazon etc...

The title of the book of course comes from this:

1 By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept

    when we remembered Zion.

2 There on the poplars

    we hung our harps,

3 for there our captors asked us for songs,

    our tormentors demanded songs of joy;

    they said, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!”

4 How can we sing the songs of the Lord

    while in a foreign land?

5 If I forget you, Jerusalem,

    may my right hand forget its skill.

6 May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth

    if I do not remember you,

if I do not consider Jerusalem

    my highest joy.

7 Remember, Lord, what the Edomites did

    on the day Jerusalem fell.

“Tear it down,” they cried,

    “tear it down to its foundations!”

8 Daughter Babylon, doomed to destruction,

    happy is the one who repays you

    according to what you have done to us.

9 Happy is the one who seizes your infants

    and dashes them against the rocks.

[melodiouswhite]

Live forever - Ch. 01

(A/N: I’ve been obsessed with the historical Dr. Faust lately, so I decided to indulge the urge to create content - I hope you like it. I’ll write about the other members of the alchemist group later on too. ^^)

Johann Georg Faust had been called a lot of things throughout his life.

Charlatan, sorcerer, madman, heretic, liar, necromancer, criminal, hell child, accomplice of the Devil … he had stopped counting all the insults that had been thrown at his ginger-haired head.

Some of them were true, others weren't.

A charlatan? No.

Sure, he was versed in the art of stage magic (and used it more than often), but his magic powers were genuine. They had been since his birth.

Of course he had no idea where they had come from.

He didn't know why he could read minds, foresee the future and perform other things that other people weren't capable of. But it was so, hence he took it and used his abilities to their full potential. This was nothing to dwell on and overthink anyway.

With mixed feelings he stood in front of the grave.

A name and numbers on a tombstone made of the most expensive stone he had been able to afford.

He owed it to her.

Once he had been both grateful and resentful towards her for the drastic things she had done to make sure that he could go to the best schools around.

He had been resentful, because others had called him a bastard and a demon child, had bullied him for always asking questions, had feared him because of his abilities – and for all of this he had blamed her.

He had been grateful, because she had supported him and believed in him through it all, had called him a miracle and a gifted, blessed child, had told him that he was special and meant it.

It was because of her, that he was what he was.

He was a universal genius, a bachelor, physician, philosopher, teacher, alchemist, astrologer, medium … so many things. Yet, it wasn't enough for him, he wanted to learn so much more, more than a human could possibly learn in a single lifetime.

But it was only because of her, that he could even acquire all the knowledge.

That he could even read and write.

With a bitter smile, he placed the flower bouquet onto the grass.

“Hello, mother. I'm sorry I didn't visit you sooner.”

When he was 32 years old, he stumbled over an old, mysterious book.

Being the incorrigible glutton for knowledge he was, he had acquired it immediately.

The book spoke of hidden and forbidden arts and awoke something in him that he had never known was there.

Another kind of hunger.

Until now he had thought that perhaps he could try to be content with being a respected doctor and master of arts, work at a university and help lots of students become another generation of highly educated, arrogant twits, who flaunted their degrees and doctorates. Perhaps he would have married, even though he had never loved in his whole life.

That was out of question now.

Now he wanted something else.

He wanted to become a sorcerer. And if not that, at least the great alchemist of his time.

Oh to be on the same step of so many other great alchemists, perhaps accomplish even more than they did …

He wanted immortality.

Three years later, he hadn't achieved immortality yet.

Sure, he was famous – his name was known in a surprisingly large part of the Holy Roman Empire and it would be known for a very long time.

But metaphorical immortality wasn't enough!

He wanted the real deal!

He wanted to live forever and be forever young! He wanted to make all of his dreams come true, see the world, learn everything there was to learn, maybe write it down and share it with everyone – so many things!

And he would do anything to be able to.

Giving up was not an option. He wasn't like everyone else. And he wouldn't die at fifty or less, like everyone else.

When he was 37 years old, he looked in the mirror and scowled at his own reflection.

He was beginning to show signs of old age; there were bags under his eyes and soft wrinkles around them. And were those frowning wrinkles on his forehead?

From what he had read in the book, the elixir of immortality would stop the ageing process, but it wouldn't make him younger.

He had to find it quickly, before he started to look like some wizened old hermit!

A few weeks after discovering his first wrinkles, he spotted his first grey hair and spiralled into a mental breakdown.

He put more effort into his alchemy and not just once it ended in small explosions.

On top of that, he had to evade authorities, who accused him of the worst crimes and angry mobs that thought he was a witch or possessed.

No wonder I'm already growing old and grey.

When he was 38 years old, he discovered how to make pure gold.

Now he couldn't be that far away from immortality too.

Besides, he could now grow stinking rich.

Sure, he knew how to present himself and often read horoscopes for rich people – then, he was also a surgeon and miracle healer – one of the best, may he add! No false humility!

But if he suddenly became stupid rich, people would ask questions and assume the craziest stuff – or find out his secret. That would get him into trouble with … basically everyone who desperately needed or wanted gold.

“I need to save the gold-making for times, when I really need it”, he mumbled to himself, “And only enough to live fine.”

He wasn't quite 44 years old, when he achieved his goal by accident.

Once he had made gold, but forgot to empty the containers with the gold-making substances afterwards – it had been late and he had been overtired from lack of sleep.

When he had discovered his mistake the next morning, he opened the vials to clean them of the gooey substances.

But as he scraped the remains off the glass, he found something in one of the vials.

His blue-grey eyes widened.

It was a small, red stone.

At first he thought it was a ruby and considered selling it to the next jeweller.

But as he held it into the light, it began to shine in rainbow colours and the light revealed thin golden veins within the red material.

This was something new!

Deciding that he wanted a better look, he put it in a bowl of water to wash the dirt off.

The water turned purple.

He quickly opened his book about hidden alchemy to make sure that this was what he thought it was.

And sure enough …

“Eureka!”, he whispered.

He had found the Philosophers' Stone!

After drinking the purple water – which had tasted horrible, by the way – he found the next morning, that his wrinkles were gone.

Sure, the bags under his eyes were still there – but he knew that they had little to do with his age anyway.

He had finally achieved his goal.

Overwhelmed with joy, he threw his head back and laughed and cried with sheer happiness.

This is the best day of my life!

When he was 51 years old, he realised that he wouldn't be able to hide his agelessness for much longer.

So far it was still easy to do so, as he wandered from place to place and no one knew how old he really was. Those were strangers, people he'd meet once and then never again.

But he was naturally a flashy and showy person with a remarkable appearance and a lot of people had at least heard of him.

Sooner or later, some elderly person, who had met him or heard of him before, would recognise him and question, why he looked so young after so many years.

I guess I will fake my death as soon as enough people ask me about my age.

He was 70 years old, when he decided that it was time to get lost.

Just a few days before, a little child in a nearby village had asked him to cure her sick grandfather and he had done so. Unfortunately, the old man had remembered meeting him 30 years before and had recognised him immediately. He had tried to convince the old man, that he was the son of the famous Doctor (of himself), but the other hadn't bought it and instead accused him of necromancy and devil worship, or witchcraft, as the inquisition and the common folk called it.

Technically, the old peasant was right. He was, by all standards, a necromancer, just as much as he was an alchemist, astrologer and surgeon.

Still, he couldn't help but take offence. He wasn't a worshipper of Satan!

“How dare you!”, he shouted in outrage, “I cure you for free out of goodness of my heart and this is how you thank me! The audacity! The gall to attack my honour like this! Had I known that I would be insulted like this, I wouldn't even have come here! Accused of witchcraft by a peasant I just cured, Jesus and Maria! Never have I been so mortified in my entire life! Oh, I have half a mind to go to court for this injury, but this isn't even worth it!”

Then he had rushed off, ere he did something he'd regret. The little girl had apologised for her grandfather's behaviour and thanked him for the help, but he had left the village the very same day.

Now he was sitting in a shoddy hotel room and contemplating on how he was to go about it.

He couldn't just vanish into thin air, that would raise suspicion.

“They need to think me dead.”

It was in 1541 – five years later – when he finally had all the things he needed for his plan.

Somehow he had managed to make a dummy that looked like him, without anyone noticing.

He bought a real hair wig, some old clothes and posed with that outfit in front of the mirror in his hotel room in Staufen. Good. He didn't look like himself at all.

Of course he could just have turned into an animal – by now he was capable of that – but the superstitious folks in the area tended to notice the sudden appearance of black animals rather than strangers coming and going.

Now he just had to choose which explosive he wanted to use.

He left a generous tip to the landlord as compensation for the room he was about to destroy.

Then he dressed the dummy in his own clothes, mixed the chemicals together and climbed out of the window over a wall, before they blew up.

The explosion was deafening, he saw debris and parts of his dummy flying over the wall and faintly heard the screams of the people in the hotel.

Just as he was about to bail, he heard someone exclaim: “The Devil himself has finally got him!”

He fumed, but swallowed his irritation. There was no time for losing his temper right now.

No one even took notice of him, as he left the borough, dressed as a poor citizen.

A few years later, he found that he had become something of a folk legend.

That amused him not just a little  - and perhaps it flattered him too. It meant he had left enough of an impression for the people to still talk about him after his “death” - they often forgot about people quickly, once they were gone. But he would be remembered.

They would tell stories about him for a long time.

He was now immortal both literally and metaphorically.

[mysticnfantastic]

So the RFA + minor trio reacting to MC becoming very clingy at times but then sometimes being very distant. Like one time she ends up pushing everyone away from the RFA including them away since she has abandonment issues and believes she will just mess up?

Hi! Of course! Here you go;

Jumin:

Before meeting you, Jumin wasn’t a very affectionate man.

By nature, he himself is distant, but he tries to be gentle and loving towards you.

He notices your hot-and-cold tendencies rather quickly, since he is very observant.

When you suddenly cling onto him for hours of even days at a time, he doesn’t mind too much - if anything, he finds it cute, and it comforts him to have you be so attached to him

He really hates when you get distant from him, though. The first few times, Jumin likely blames himself thinking he did something to upset you, but not long after he would have had you basically figured out.

Worried about you, wants the best for you.

When you insist on pushing him away, he understands how difficult he had been to get close to in the beginning, but you never gave up on getting to know him and he sure as hell wouldn’t do that to you.

Begs you to attend therapy, he just wants what’s best for you and knows that therapy is the best way to try and get to the root of your problems.

Super supportive, gets you the utmost best professionals to help you with your abandonment issues, and if you want him there, he’ll skip work to attend therapy with you if you ask him to do so.

Yoosung:

It takes him a while to figure out that when you get distant, it isn’t his fault, as he tends to think he upset you most of the time.

Yoosung himself is very clingy, so even when you try to distance yourself, he’ll probably keep insisting on staying by your side even as you try and push him away and get him to hate you.

When you’re clingy, he’s super relieved because you both cling to one another, and are cute couple goals, though this isn’t exactly an overly healthy relationship when two people are so dependant on each other.

When you have a particularly bad episode of pushing him away, he will sit outside your bedroom door all night as he begs for you to let him in.

Ever heard the song ‘Man who can’t be moved’ by the script? Yeah, that’s him basically.

When you finally let him in when the sun shines symbolising a new morning, he cries and clings to you as he swears wholeheartedly he belongs to you and that he will never leave or abandon you because he loves you so much he cannot possibly imagine life without you in it.

Zen:

Zen is confused.

He notices your hot/cold behaviour pretty quick into your relationship, but it leaves him questioning what is even happening.

He doesn’t mind when you cling to him, but he finds it a bit too overwhelming, but he doesn’t want to upset you, because if he does you would probably distance yourself from him again.

Zen would likely get frustrated with you pretty fast, but he loves and cares about you

One day, when you’re being extra determined to push him away and argue with him to try and break your relationship so you can leave before he leaves you, he would yell at you to just talk to him already!

In your emotional state you blurt out your feelings, which causes you both to fall into silence, until Zen sighs and pulls your body into his safe, loving arms and mutters promises of eternal love to you, and he means every. Single. Syllable.

Will use his influence to get you professional help and will support you in any way shape and form he can.

707/Saeyoung:

Fuck, now he gets what you felt like when he was the distant one.

He understands that your behaviours are caused due to your childhood trauma(s) (He’s done a thorough background search on you, he knows all there is to know-)

Would definitely go to your house and talk to you, even if you don’t want to talk to him. He’s a stubborn little shit and will definitely annoy you enough to let him talk just so he’ll stop frustrating you.

Would make you SO emotional, Saeyoung is hardly ever serious, but these times are some of the times where he’s uncharacteristically serious and blunt, getting to the point, and yet just the right amount of emotional and sincere.

“MC, I love you. More than life itself...I...don’t want you to distance yourself from me, alright? I know I..get scared of harm befalling you, but I promise I won’t ever abandon you, even if I may sometimes act like I am on the verge of doing so - I love you so much and I don’t ever want you to doubt that…”

Jaehee:

Jaehee is quite inexperienced, having spent a majority of her adult life working as Jumin’s slave assistant.

Therefore she was rather awkward in the first few months of your relationship, and was generally confused as to why you behaved the way you did at times, but she is also highly concerned and worried.

She knew that whether you had a clingy-episode or a cold-episode, it was unhealthy and she ought to be concerned.

Therefore she pleaded with you to try and attend therapy for your problems with her, if not for your sake, then for hers.

Loves you so much and authentically only wants what is utmost best for you.

“MC...I love you, and want what is best for you, which is why you have to do this, okay? Do it for me, if not for yourself. I’m worried about you...I love you, please remember that. You are always on my mind, I just lack the ability to express my love for you effectively.”

V/Jihyun:

Honestly, he’s the one who blames himself the harshest for whenever you have a cold episode.

After the hell Rika up him through, blaming himself is his automatic response when he believes someone to be upset or mad at him.

When your episode will clear and you’ll go to see him, he will apologise like hell and beg you not to leave him.

You’ll have to explain to him about your feelings, because only a bitch would allow this beautiful man to suffer further.

After you admit your insecurities, V would hold you tightly and swear he won’t leave you and that he understands how you feel, and promises to stay with you as long as you’ll stay with him.

Having said that, he would also have you both get therapy because having two people with severe abandonment issues in a relationship was not that good of an idea.

Saeran:

Oof

This is...not good.

He, himself, is very similar because of all he’s been through, so for you to have similar insecurities is...problematic for you both.

He’s getting help for himself, thanks to you and the RFA and he will sure as hell try and have you attend therapy with him.

He understands how you feel at least, and that’s good when you have an episode because he’s there for you, just like you are there for him when he has his own episodes.

- Mod Ama 

[seventeen-imagines-reactions]

Thank you for everything love. (Jaehyun scenario)

Yeap.... I hate myself for writing this on a teeny tiny keyboard :’) (I also did not proofread and somehow forgot how to english with some words I’m sorry I’ll fix it once my braincells work)

But it was worth it I hope. To every helpless romantic out there. ‘Tis for you. 

ALSO listen to this when reading this, or before reading this. It is the song that made my brain go crazy and all romantic: 

Sam Kim - Sun and Moon (click on the name for direct link)

Genre: A LOT, I’m speaking A LOT of fluff and softness 

“Where are we going?” You asked Jaehyun, while trying to not fall over your dress. “A place.” He held your hand tightly and guided your way. You were suppossed to drive home now, after being at an event for a couple of hours. 

Jaehyun brought you along, it wasn’t a big deal anymore. You went public a while ago, so you were also invited to events now. 

He wanted to leave earlier which seemed unlike him, since he usually enjoyed being at events. “You hungry?” “You’re not going to tell me that you left that event to go get food right?” You laughed a bit in confusion. “No, we’re not getting the food, it’s already ready. I just asked to be polite.” He stopped for a second and turned around to face you. “I think you should take of your shoes until we arrive. Or you’ll sink into the sand.” You looked at him, completely confused as to why you weren’t walking to the car, but you did as he said and as you took of your shoes, you saw where you were standing. It was the beach. 

You remember now, the venue of the event was close to the beach, is that why you’re here? Because you admired the beach before? 

“You won’t tell me where we’re going to right?” “Nope, let’s say I’m just making up for the days in which I left you home alone.” Jaehyun slowly intervined his fingers with yours and kept walking. You now felt the warm sand under your feet and as your eyes got used to the darnkess you finally saw the lights around you. They were put in order and lit up the way you were supposed to walk. You didn’t ask anymore questions now, he wouldn’t answer anyway. So you just enjoyed the walk along the beach,... even if your dress was pretty heavy.

Jaehyun smiled to himself as he held onto your hand. He squeazed your hand a little, after realizing that you’ve been staring at him. “We’re here. Look.”

And then... you looked and were at loss for words. “Wow... I mean. Wow...”  You were standing in front of a wooden platform on the beach, next to the sea. On there a dinner table, decorated with roses and candles. “Put on your shoes come on.” He let go of you hand until you were done and as you were up again, he took it again. He guided you towards the table, cleared his throat and called a waiter. Wait... what? A waiter? “Good evening pretty lady, sir. “Haechan? What?” Haechan tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably. “I’m sorry, why do you know my name?” He smiled a bight smile and just stood there next to the table. Jaehyun pulled out one of the chairs for you to sit on. “M’lady.” 

“So... Waiter. What would you recommend us tonight.” You started playing along, still unsure as to what was happening. “Our specials today are a thai minced chicken salad for starters, Chestnut mushroom, fennel & bacon fusilli as main and Lavender poached pear with Poire Williams pudding as dessert.” “Those were like 50 words I did not get but okay.” You smiled a little ad looked at Jaehyun. “-What would you want love.” He rested his elbow on the table and his head on his hand while slowly turning towards haechan. “I’d say we get one of everything... As as a course. And... red wine?” “Ohh. Okay.” Haechan slowly walked off into the darkness. “You don’t want to tell me what all of this is now?” You asked again, this time hoping for an answer. “I said it earlier love. I’m making up for all the nights in which you waited, the times I had to postpone dates, times I was on tour and you weren’t able to come along. Days and nights in which you took care of me.... And Haechan as a waiter was just a little extra touch, we don’t want to be too serious right.” He smiled again. “But... I... We started this relationship knowing that would happen. I never got mad at you for these things, there is nothing you have to make up for.” “I know. But I love you.” 

“I hate to interrupt you but here’s your first meal. Bon Appétit.” “Johnny?” He left without answering. “Just tell me how many members I’ll see tonight.” The silence of the night filled with laughter again and with that you started eating. Different memebers brought different meals. While eating you talked about everything really, no specific topics. You just kinda enjoyed the night. The food, the wine. And slowly the night came to an end. “By the way mark. You’re hiding but te flashlight is on. Just come out.” You said, while looking in his direction. “Oooops. Sorry, hyung.” Laughter and giggles again. “You want to go now?” “Hmm... Jaehyun... Thank you. Really. You didn’t need to do this, but it was really nice.-” Then you looked into the darkness. “Thank you guys too, you’re really good sports.” 

As you stood up to leave, Jaehyun stopped once more. “Hold my hand.” 

Before you could say or do anything, he pulled your close and put your one of your hands on his shoulder and his free hand on your waist. “May I have this dance?” 

You giggled at his sudden action. “I mean you’re already holding my hand... but where’s the mu-” There it was, as if someone waited for you. 

Slowly - with the pace of the song - you started moving. You still didn’t understand what all of this was for but,... did it even matter at this point? It seemed like everything was standing still and all of your worries were gone, it sounds cheesy, it felt like that too, but it just is the only thing to explain. 

“You realized something today?” He looked a bit more serious now. “Hm?” 

“All of these meals,.. on our first inofficial date you almost ranted about how unnessesary fancy first dates were. It was loooong before our actual first date. You said most people were too young to be this fancy and it made no sense to spent a lot of money on food and caring about behaviour and manners, and looking good. I mean you literally named all the things we ate today, back then. You said that you should fall in love with someone when they can be themselves... Well you also repeadetly said that it was something else if that’s just what you like, but you just wouldn’t want that for your own. You’d prefer going for a walk, walking around town and just being in a little café or at home depending on how well you know the other person. It was so funny to me back then because we didn’t know each other well but you just couldn’t handle the plot of the movie we were watching.” Both of you laughed a little. 

“I think it was my first day-ish at the dorm right? Like the first official day of work for me. And Ten introduced me to all of you since I’ve known him from other events already. I usually try to not talk a lot when I don’t know people but I just felt so safe around you, and kinda let go. But then I realized I was talking sooo much and just shut down all of a sudden.” “Yeah, I was laughing so much then and you turned red on the spot.” “Because I was so embarresed, I was so happy then, that no one was there but ten and you. And he kept teasing me so much.” “He did that with me too, yeah.” “Hm?” “Apparently I talked too much about you after you left. And whenever you came over he teased me. He told me to just confess my feelings already. I still took my time in the end but... I don’t regret anything.-” he now put both of his arms around your waist and pulled you closer, you also pur your arms around his neck. Jaehyun looked down and kissed the top of your head as he kept swaying to the music. “and that’s why we’re here today.” “Hm?” 

“Baby,... you know how often I talk about our future. We keep saying that we don’t know what future brings whenever people ask questions about us. You know the countless nights in which we talked about us, about.... about breaking up. How many times we conquered hardships. How many kilometres seperated us and timezones made it difficult to talk to one another. The nights we’ve cried and consoled the other one. The bad things we never want to remember? The days were we had to hide our relationship, how scared we were when going public? And how often we say that we won’t ever seperate but we might need a break? You saw me grow up, you dealt with my childish behaviour when I was stressed. You did everything for me and the boys. And never wanted anything. Never. You were my biggest supporter, my best friend, my love, my life, my everything. And you never doubted my love, never, not once. I... I... Whenever I look at you I feel like I forget everything. You are my peace, you give me the energy I need every day. Whenever I think about you... I can’t do anything but smile to myself. Whenever I miss you I just close my eyes and there you are. Whenever I see kids around you, I cannot help but think about a family with you. Honestly the hours I spend with you... I cherish deep within. Really. Everything feels so much more intense when you’re there. The birds singing, the sound of the waves clashing against rocks, people laughing, wind breezes around me. Your perfume I love so much. I love you.” You slowly looked up to him, his eyes were teary but he smiled as he looked at you. “Don’t cry, not yet.” What? You didn’t even noticed that your tears fell as he spoke those words to you. Jaehyun held your hand again and walked off, closer to the see but still on the wooden plattform. He picked something up. “A lantern?” “Hm, a sky lantern yes. Hold it.” You placed on hand of each side and waited for Jaehyun to speak. “Do you remember what I told you about the event today? They’d do this by the end. Do you remember the meaning?” You shook your head no, completely overwhelmed with everything now. “People consider it good luck to release a sky lantern since it symbolises their problems and worries floating away. I want our bad days and nights to float away. The crying, the stress. Times in which we weren’t sure what to do. And be left, only with the good memories we have.” One of his arms was around your wais as he stood behind you and with his other hand he used the lighter. “You can let go now.” 

You watched the lantern float off and you saw how everyone at the venue also made theirs float. The view you were left with was amazing, it seemed surreal. But you were soon pulled out of that thought. Jaehyun slowly turned you around, so you were facing him, you didn’t see him at first. But he was on one of his knees in front of you. He didn’t speak for a couple of seconds, until he pulled a little boy out of his jacket. 

“You accepted me the way I am. You were and are the joy of my life. I know it was hard sometimes, taking care of all of us dorks but you kept fighting for us. I wanted to do this so often. So so often but it never felt right. On days I thought if you said yes,... I would only be a burden to you. But now I know, I can’t live without you. You were always there whenever I looked up. Always... and I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” 

[radreactions]

I love your blog❤so I want to ask how Companions would react to Sole being badly injured & passing out of all the pain😊

Thanks a bunch!

Sole and their companion are in a gruelling firefight with a horde of supermutants from which Sole gets hit hard by a super sledge. The adrenaline keeps them going until they and their companion kill off the last remaining mutants, but just as their companion is walking towards them to see if they’re okay, Sole suddenly drops…

Ada – Immediately ploughs through everything standing between her and her dear friend Sole, not bothering to say anything in favour of diverting all systems to checking Sole’s vitals and administering medical aid. But when she realises they’ve just feinted, she literally picks up a paint can and throws it as hard as she possibly can at a wall because holy hell the scared the absolute heck out of her! She was not aware they had a habit of feinting! What are they trying to do to her, short circuit her systems!? Ohhh she’ll be giving them a stern – but relieved – talking to when they wake up, that’s for damn sure.

Cait – “Oh shite!” She sprints to them, fear coursing through her veins as she just barely manages to catch them in her arms before they hit the ground. “Come on, stay with me Sole. Ya still owe me a fuckin’ beer and I ain’t lettin’ ya get away with it.” She lays them down as gently as she can, her heart pounding painfully as she feels for a pulse at their throat. She breathes a heavy sigh when she finds one and tilts her head up towards the sky, cradling her unconscious asshole of a friend tightly to her chest. “Goddammit.” She doesn’t know whether she wants to punch them or hug them or both, but as she gazes down at them with all sorts of curses on the tip of her tongue, the brawler can’t describe how impossibly relieved she is that they simply feinted.

Codsworth – When Sole hit the ground, the handybot experienced the second moment of terror he’s ever truly felt in his entire life. The first was when the bombs fell, when he couldn’t find his family’s remains out in the fallout, but now? With Sole laying so still right in front of him? “S-sir/m-mum?” Immediately he scans for signs of life, lowering his hull closer to the ground so that he could hold their hand in his pincer. If not for their comfort, but for his. When he discovers a present – although elevated – heartbeat, Codsworth chuckles to himself lightly. “You always did have a flare for exaggeration, didn’t you, sir/mum?”

Curie – She knew what was happening even before Sole hit the ground. A physical trauma like being hit with a sledgehammer could do catastrophic damage to a person, but Sole was hit with a super sledge and even though they were wearing heavy armour that no doubt saved their life, the pain from such an injury would be of the utmost severity liable to causing blackouts. Even though she knew this, even though she had extensive medical training that she believed in with all her heart, Curie couldn’t help but scream when Sole hit the pavement. She ran to them in a flash, immediately checking them all over for an injury that perhaps she didn’t see, that perhaps the blow had broken their rib or sternum. She found none of course, but instead realised it was difficult for her to see. Tears. It was tears. She was crying and she couldn’t seem to stop. She still cries when Sole wakes up, but that’s for a whole new reason.

Dogmeat – He barks hysterically as he watches them fall, helpless to stop it as he bounds over the debris between them and him. Panting, ears back and whining softly, he nudges their hand, then their cheek and stares down at them intently. Are they playing dead? But that’s his trick! And this is surely an odd spot for a nap! Being the good boy that he is, he resigns himself to laying over Sole’s torso, taking comfort in the feeling of their chest rising and falling beneath his own as he watches their surroundings. Hopefully, Sole will wake up soon…

Danse – Immediately, the Paladin barrelled through everything between him and Sole just to get them, jabbing a stimpak into them before checking anything else. His eerie silence was born of shock, dread and guilt for letting them get hurt while in his company, but he finally broke that silence when he realised from the fluttering of their eyes and their lack of wounds that they had simply fainted. “You…” He couldn’t find the right words, just shaking his head and taking in a deep breath. He stared off into the distance for a moment, pondering just what could have happened, before snapping out of it with a relieved sigh. “You are going to have a very stern talking to when we get back to the station, soldier.”

Deacon – “Uhhh, Sole? Now’s not the time to take a nap!” On the inside, he’s chanting ‘no, no, no’ while he’s rushing to them, already feeling the heavy weight of dread and guilt in his chest. He should’ve been paying better attention, he should’ve been there at their side when the big bastard attacked. “Sole?” Their pulse was strong and their breathing – although elevated – seemed unhindered. A fainting spell. That’s all it was. It made him chuckle for a good few minutes in relief. “Oh man, whew. Thank Atom. You know, you had me worried there for a second, Sole. No one can make sweetrolls like you and I’d hate to have to go without them.”

Gage – “Aw shit.” His words didn’t portray his panic as he quickly made his way over to them, grumbling under his breath at how careless they were in battle and that they should know better by now that to try to go toe to toe with the big green ones. He knew it wasn’t their fault, but he needs someone to take it out on now that the damn mutie that hit them is dead. “Overboss?” He nudges their shoulder with a boot and actually smirks when they grumble in annoyance, still unconscious. “Dammit, boss. Now just how in the hell am I supposed to carry your ass back to Fizztop Grille, huh?” As annoyed as he sounds, he’s actually quite relieved more than anything.

Hancock – Because he was high on Jet, he saw the whole damn thing in what felt like slow motion. In one second Sole was standing victorious over the corpses of their enemies, but in the next? Sole was dropping to the ground like a sack of rotten tatos. “Sole!” He couldn’t get to them fast enough, or at least it felt that way anyway with limbs that felt like lead. He tried to remember all the things he’d learned in his life about first aid when he finally reached their side, panting because he knew he couldn’t remember enough in order to save Sole’s life their injuries were serious. So imagine his relief when he found no blood, no bones poking out of flesh or melted skin or even a simple damn scratch! “You can’t seriously be asleep right now, Sole.” Their gentle snoring was enough to both comfort him and enough to make him throw up his hands in fond frustration. “Unbelievable.”

MacCready – “Holy sh-SOLE!” Fear nestles in his belly, crawls up his chest and throat before it spills over in the form of a choked sop as he runs to them. “Sole you better not be dead or I swear to God I’ll-” He stops ranting for a split second as he feels their heartbeat and sees their fluttering eyes, recognising the same sort of look that Squirrel had from Little Lamplight when he fainted almost daily. “Oh you fu-are you serious? Did you seriously just up and faint like that?” He grumbles under his breath for a few minutes after sitting back on his haunches, his hand on his forehead, both relieved and a little peeved off that they had him worry because of something so harmless. Shaking his head, he looks at Sole and chuckles quietly before settling in to watch over them.

Maxson – When he sees Sole drop, he gets angry beyond all reason and he slams those giant fists down on the ground. Rumour has it that windows shattered in Diamond City and a whole section of Lexington came crashing down, just from the shock of it. When Sole finally wakes up, it’s to the sight of a stimpak still sticking out of their arm and whole area covered in the dead bodies of every remaining super mutant in a three block radius. In the centre of it all stands Maxson, still covered in blood and toting that gatling laser like he could take on another thousand muties without breaking a sweat.

Nick Valentine – He’s always been aware of what fear felt like. He remembers how Nick felt when he first heard about what happened to Jenny before her death was officially confirmed by the coroner, but seeing Sole drop like that? That was the first time the synthetic Nick actually felt such terror and to say he didn’t know how to handle it is an understatement. Nothing short of another atomic bomb could’ve stopped him from getting to Sole so quickly and the relief he felt when he found their strong pulse was so overwhelming that he felt the urge to cry. If there was any way that he actually could, he knows he would’ve right then and there. But Sole doesn’t have to know that, and when they wake up he’ll be sure to inform them just how much he disapproves of their reckless behaviour.

Old Longfellow – He himself damn near fell over in his hurry to get to them. Those old bones of his weren’t meant for that kind of punishment, nor was his old ticker that was beating erratically in his chest as he hesitantly felt for a pulse at their neck. He didn’t realise he’d come to care so much about Sole until now, until the moment when he realised they weren’t nearly as invulnerable as they made him believe. “Oh for crying out loud, Cap’in, what are you trying to do to me here? Give me a damn heart attack? Trust my luck…” He’d be a little grouchy for a few hours after Sole wakes up, practically giving them hell for making him worry so damn much, but it was only because the old man cared for them and hated the idea that he’d ever outlive them too.

Piper Wright – “Blue? Blue no!” She screams hysterically as she see’s Sole collapse, sprinting forward with her heart in her throat and tears in her eyes. “Don’t you dare, don’t you dare!” She injects a stimpak and places her head on their chest, heedless of the tears wetting her cheeks because Sole can’t die. Not like this, not on her watch. The pulse is there, their chest is rising and falling and as she checks their ribs for any broken bones, she deflates with a heavy, relieved sigh. “Oh thank God.” She laughs through the tears upon realising that they just passed out and starts wiping away the moisture using the sleeves of her coat, feeling ridiculous for having reacted that way about something so harmless. “Dammit Blue, you scared me.” She murmurs fondly, gently placing a kiss to their forehead before she settles in to guard them.

Preston Garvey – “Oh God!” He’s panicking, his heart thudding in his chest as he sprints over to them in a matter of moments. “Sole!” He immediately injects a stimpak, breathing hard, eyes scanning their face as he gently taps their cheek with his hand. “Come on, General, come on. Wake up. Come back to me.” He stares at them, on the verge of tears and ever so thankful for the pulse he finds at their wrist, but it’s not enough. He needs to see their big beautiful eyes and heartfelt smile before he can fully relax, before he can be fully assured that they’re going to be okay. He waits diligently at their side, talking to them softly while he near constantly checks their vitals.

Strong – He gets mad because this stupid little human always trips and falls! Why are they so damn clumsy? They only have little feet! “GET UP, LEADER! STRONG NOT DONE SMASHING THINGS!” He nudges them with his foot as gentle as he can and peers down at their motionless little frame, eyes suddenly widening because – oh no. Strong lets out a roar of rage upon the assumption that his companion was killed by one of his super mutant brothers and with renewed vigor, Strong storms off with his sledgehammer in a deathgrip. Later – when Sole wakes up – Strong is found nearby smashing the corpses of the mutants that, in his eyes, killed his favourite human.

X6-88 – He’s used to restraining his emotions, but as he sees Sole drop to a heap on the ground, his normally unshakeable grip falters. “No!” He yells, running forward. His programming immediately kicks in and has him checking their pulse, their breathing, but instead of being the unflappable Courser he was meant to be, X6 is panting and on the verge of hysterics because Sole just can’t fucking die. He checks and rechecks, then breathes a short sigh of relief once determining that they only fainted. Trust Sole to make him react like this, the only person in the Commonwealth who could have the fearless Courser nearly breakdown in a matter of seconds. X6 is suddenly very thankful that no one saw his reaction and in a desperate bid to keep up his unflappable façade, he simply stands guard and pretends as though he didn’t have a near breakdown when Sole finally wakes up.

[97sluv]

Thoughts on It’s Okay, That’s Love

Judging this show on its poster, I anticipated a cheesy romance drama with a slice of life vibe - and that was spot on for the first part of the show. It was light-hearted, pretty vanilla stuff that I would expect of this genre, and the medical aspect was thrown in with Gong Hyo Jin’s character Ji Hae Soo as a fellow at a hospital’s psychiatry department. I would say that the opening scene was a rather odd choice for me because of how jarring it was. 

The characters who stay in the share house are built upon and we get to see each one’s back story - kwangsoo’s character has Tourette syndrome, Sung Dong Il and his divorce story, and Hae Soo’s weird fear of sex and kissing which is later explained. Kwang Soo and Sung Dong Il’s characters are the BEST comedic duo I’ve seen in a long while, and they rep my exact brand of humour which I found very entertaining. I have to admit I was watching this show mainly because of Kwang Soo, and for the first part of the show that remained the case - his humour got me through the building of the romance, which was not all pleasant. Hae Soo and Jang Jae Yeol are both such strong-headed people, and that tough love/yelling at each other constantly was not something I could relate to. Not exactly the most healthy of relationships to begin with.

But as the story developed I could really see it happening as they learned to communicate with each other. And that’s when shit gets real - we learn about Jae Yeol’s OCD and traumatic past, Hae Soo’s childhood experiences etc. which culminate in their behaviour. But none can compare to the twist that came at the end! I would have to say that I kind of suspected it about halfway through the show, because a) I noticed passers-by gave Jae Yeol weird stares and looks whenever he was with Kang Woo (D.O’s character), and b) that one scene where Kwang Soo looks oddly at him really gave it away and I thought holy fkin shit. He’s not real?? But that can’t be?? And I started FREAking out. Because already from the weird back story of Jae Yeol’s older brother being totally psycho and trying to kill him all the time, and insisting that Jae Yeol killed their stepfather, made me realise that one of them must be crazy. Either his older brother was the crazy one - which would make total sense because he’s aggressive and vindictive - OR Jae Yeol is crazy and had altered memories, or so I thought. 

When the big reveal came that Jae Yeol had undiagnosed schizophrenia, I remembered crying so much together with Hae Soo. I would say before this show that I was extremely unaware about these various mental health illnesses, and was incognisant of how severe schizophrenia actually can be. I must say that Gong Hyo Jin’s acting in this show was impeccable. I wasn’t a fan of hers after Jealousy Incarnate but her talent surely shone through. Firstly the scene where she cries in front of her cheating ex-boyfriend was amazing, and it conveyed emotions of a proud, confident woman at a vulnerable moment - one that she would consider shameful. When she cried about Jae Yeol finally sleeping peacefully in his bed, I cried with her. In fact I bawled. It was such an emotional journey, and I think this show did a wonderful job exposing the masses to a sliver of the pain of watching a loved one succumb to mental health. It tore me apart when I tried putting myself in her position. And that is props to her flawless execution of this character, and the intensity of emotions I felt towards the end really overwhelmed the other flaws of the show for me and sold it completely. 

I think we tend to be too harsh on dramas sometimes - we expect a beautiful story arc with characters that show development and growth with a reasonable back story and closure with zero loose ends. But it’s admittedly difficult in 18 episodes! An instance of a minus point for me is that it’s pretty impressive of 16 year old Jae Yeol to have known his mother burned the house down and killed his abusive stepfather, and then chose to blame it on his older brother to save his mother, and then his mother conveniently has altered memories? I think it was made unnecessarily complex which resulted in a shaky foundation for Kang Woo as the manifestation of guilt towards his older brother. But there are many ways of interpreting his back story and how the trauma of abuse had basically fucked up all their brains. Still doesn’t excuse his older brother’s abuse towards him tho. 

Among the criticism was also the fact that the element of psychiatry was grossly watered down, to which I say uh duh? It has to be palatable for the masses if awareness is to be spread about mental health, they cannot be rattling on about the technical terms and nuances of the illness all the time, which is why you will find that other medical shows do the same. I think the recognition by Korea’s schizophrenia association speaks to the show’s efforts in raising awareness - as someone who knew close to nothing, I walked away with food for thought about mental health, knowledge of Tourette syndrome, etc. It sort of normalised these illnesses for me - that they exist in a spectrum of severity, and seeing it manifested in characters that are functional, dynamic, multi-dimensional, really opened my eyes to this subject.

The community support also warmed my heart - seeing Kwang Soo root for Hae Soo and Jae Yeol, coming from a place of understanding and having struggled gaining society’s acceptance, really delivered a moment of solidarity. This drama really did good for me, in helping someone like me who has never properly considered this topic contextualise and bring it close to home, to stand in the shoes of a schizophrenic patient and hope to see how difficult it must be to basically have someone shatter your sense of reality - i mean imagine if someone told you one day that your best friend from school was a imagined figure? When what you know as the truth is being disputed by everyone else? That’s terrifying. In any case, I took away more than I expected going into this show, and I’m glad it has enriched me. 

[butsomeofusarelookingatthestars]

Classified: Part 8

Luke is still adjusting to life in the BAU when a familiar face from the past joins the team as their Communications Liaison. Last time he saw her they were in the Iraqi desert on a highly confidential mission. Some ghosts are meant to stay buried…

Masterlist (x)

Gosh, this part was the hardest to write yet. Thanks for bearing with me guys! I hope it doesn’t disappoint. Please let me know what you think.

“There are two vulnerable points. Point Alfa will be over here, the breach. Point Bravo, the irrigation ditch.”

A tense silence engulfed the group of gathered soldiers, the only sound the quiet flapping of the tent as sandy dust blew through the opening. The prospect of what lay ahead seemed foreboding enough to make even the toughest rangers apprehensive. Considering what they had been through, it was only to be expected. This would define their time in Iraq…the sacrifices they had made.

Everything counted on this mission.

“Our intelligence has confirmed that Aaban Omar will be inside the compound.” The commander continued, pointing at the map on the wall. “You have clearance to fire. But, as a high-ranking officer of Al-Qaeda, he’s a HVT. We want him alive.”

His words sent an uneasy chill down your spine. Operations to capture and interrogate terrorist leaders had always been exceedingly difficult to pull off and this one seemed even more dangerous than most. The regiment had already suffered losses and you could only hope that the mission didn’t cost them any more.

“Sentry guards change every morning. This will be our opportunity to seize control. We will launch a diversionary attack here.” You glanced up at the map of the compound, frowning slightly at the thought of the immense task that lay ahead. “The other team will launch an assault via support helicopter. The others will be waiting at the extraction point, ready to cut the enemy off.”

The breath hitched in your throat as you felt Luke’s hand brush lightly against yours, your heart fluttering nervously as he stood up to address the group. The world seemed to fade away as he began to explain the logistics of the mission.

You had already memorised every detail, the only thing you could now focus on was the worry plaguing your mind.

“The casualty collection point will be here.” He concluded quietly, taking a deep breath as he glanced around the room at his comrades. His eyes seemed to soften as they fell upon your face, clearly noticing the apprehension etched onto your features.

Despite the excitement of being able to finally capture Omar, fear stirred inside your chest as your gaze locked together.

It felt like only yesterday that you had slept by his bedside, comforting him after the explosion that had claimed the lives of his friends. The faded scar on his cheek reminded you of just how close you had been to losing him. And you only knew one thing for certain….

You couldn’t ever lose him.

“I need to know.” You hissed angrily down the phone, slamming the car door shut in rage.

It had been an incredibly long night at the BAU and after agonising over the possibility that man who had plagued your nightmares was lurking in the shadows, you had decided enough was enough. You had to find out for certain.

There was no chance that you could ever move on from Iraq whilst the ghosts continued to haunt you. There was no hope for you and Luke to be…whatever it was you were whilst you were trapped by the pain of the past. You had to free yourself.

Unfortunately, trying to get your hands on the highly-confidential details of the operation was near impossible.

The monotonous tone droning down the phone was enough to push you over the edge.

“You don’t understand.” You snapped furiously, your fists clenching as you glanced around the darkened car park. “After everything, I deserve to know.”

Your voice faulted slightly, cracking under the strain of overwhelming emotions rushing through your body. Your eyes stung with exhaustion as you raked an exasperated hand through your hair. The responding words down the phone only adding to your frustration.

“Agent that information is classified.”

Shots rang out across the compound as you raced to hide behind the crumbling wall, the entire ground shaking under the force of the explosions. A gasp of surprise escaped your lips as a bullet whizzed past your head, the loud bangs causing you to freeze in shock.

It wasn’t never meant to be like this.

Yells and shouts filled the air as the regiment attempted to storm the compound, finding themselves cut off at every point by the enemy. Everything seemed a blur as you attempted to shield yourself from the falling dust. You barely heard the noise behind you until it was too late.

A shot rang out as the hooded man fell to the ground, the weapon that had been pointed at you clattering to the sandy floor. You glanced up, eyes wide with disbelief, to see Luke gazing at you concernedly.

His arm shot out to hook around your waist as he pulled you to the side, narrowly dodging another bullet fired your way.

“You okay?” He murmured quietly down your ear as he pressed your body up against the wall, the security of its stone providing a little comfort as the deafening shots continued to ring out.

You nodded, gripping onto his arm tightly in an effort to reassure yourself that you were still here. That everything would be okay. But, the loud revving of a car engine pulled you sharply from your thoughts...and from Luke’s arms.

“No!” You screamed, your cries reverberating around the compound as you raced towards the noise. Luke’s shouts echoed behind you as he tried to protect you from the flying bullets. However, all you could think about was the prospect of losing Aaban Omar. You couldn’t let him escape.

But, it was too late. You could already see the cars pulling out of the gates. The smirking face of Aaban Omar sending shivers down your spine. He had gotten away.

“Y/N, you could have been killed. What are you-”

Luke fell silent as his eyes followed your gaze, the cars speeding into the distance causing him to let out a groan of frustration. A gentle hand rested on your shoulder as he attempted to comfort your distress. But, nothing would change the sense of hopelessness consuming you.

“Omar’s gone.”

You barely heard his words, too focused on the sudden realisation that something was terribly wrong. The operation had been top-secret, the confidentiality of the information you had received had been the highest level possible. The only way it would have been compromised was if…

You shook your head, almost trying to convince yourself that the horrifying reality couldn’t be true. But, the truth was that someone had intended for the mission to fail. Someone had deceived you all along.

You had been betrayed.

You knew what the word classified meant…it meant the worst. It meant that all your terrifying nightmares were a reality. That you had to act now.

You glanced apprehensively around the deserted car park, the shadows creeping ever closer as you heart thudded against your chest sickeningly. It might have been the chilling night air that was making you anxious, but you had a feeling that it was the phone call you had decided to make that was making you feel increasingly nervous.

Usually you would have been overjoyed to speak to Luke, even the thought of hearing his warm voice and soft chuckle causing you to smile brightly. However, given all that you had been through recently and Luke’s icy behaviour, you worried that he wouldn’t even answer your call.

He had been so hurt by your secrets that you feared things might never be the same between the two of you. But, now he was about to discover the truth. You only hoped that his trust in you remained unshaken because you had never needed it more.

You had never needed him more.  

Your deep breath seemed to echo around the night air, your fingers trembling slightly as you slowly dialled his number. An eternity seemed to pass before you heard him answer the call, his dejected voice stinging your heart painfully.

“Y/N, I don’t want to-”

“I need to speak to you.” You abruptly interrupted him, your tone deadly serious as you attempted to convey the importance of the situation. Everything else could wait until after. All your personal troubles had to come second. Luke needed to know the truth now.

“I-”

Before you could even listen to his response, a hand shot out to cover your mouth. Your screams were stifled against the black glove as you were forcefully pulled away, your phone clattering to the floor as Luke’s muffled voice faded away.

The last thing you remembered was seeing his name glaring back at you as you desperately clawed at the arm dragging you backwards. But, it was hopeless. Luke couldn’t hear you and he couldn’t help you. It was over.

Then everything went dark.

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