#remember when we feared Mads wasn't so happy with this relationship

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

What I love about Dungeon Meshi is that it writes platonic relationships with the same weight romantic stories would normally be written.

The Character that Got Their Heart Broken Too Many Times

Humanity broke Laois' heart. This is taken advantage later on by the Wingled Lion, but I digress.

Laois got bullied in all-boys school to the point that he ran away to become a soldier. Heartbreak #1.

He got harrassed in the training camp to the point that he became a deserter. Heartbreak #2.

The combination of these events were so bad, his lack of basic self-care can be a sign of a depressive state. If Falin hadn't joined him, who knows what would've happened to him.

Laois was so happy when he became friends with Shuro and felt so betrayed when Toshiro said he couldn't stand him. Not exactly a heartbreak #3 but it hurt all the same. They got past it but Laois remembers.

And when Kabru, for once in his life, stopped playing poker and laid down his cards, Laois wasn't going to let his heart be hurt for the fourth time.

The biggest thing that stands out to me in this manner is how Kabru's blurted confession of wanting to be friends with Laois was treated as much as a big revelation as a romantic one. Because the weight of that confession is Kabru's character development.

The Character Whose Sincerity Doesn't Come Easy for Him

This guy grew up being infantilized and not taken seriously by the elves for being a short-lived race. So, he honed diplomacy as sharp as his assassin's blade.

He knows the right things to say and when to say them, making him well-liked by everyone (much to his team's chagrin over their loved ones). And yet his personal cause puts a distance between him and his trusted teammates (including his childhood friend).

To say his true feelings and thoughts would end up with long-lived races dismissing him for being unwise and irrational.

So he keeps his cards to himself and works with subtlety throughout the manga, until things got worse, and he couldn't make Laois stay.

And he was left with nothing but to be sincere.

Right from the start, he said he wanted the Touden siblings to be unmasked. But in the end, he unmasked himself, much to his horror.

Addition edit: Kabru has been keeping his cards close to himself for so long, I don't think he realized what he really feels until he blurted it out. He chased after Laois throughout the dungeon because Laois might defeat the mad sorcerer. But for a guy who wants to understand everyone, he never understands what he feels about Laois and what that feeling means until his brain catches up with his mouth.

After decking Laois for not believing him, Kabru elaborated in his confession. He has developed a platonic crush (plush for short) or desire to be friends with Laois because:

1. Kabru wants to understand how Laois could love the very thing Kabru hates. Hate is just another face of fear. We fear what we don't understand. To understand Laois is to understand monsters. I think Kabru finds it admirable that Laois could admire monsters when everyone just view them as a threat.

2. He wants Laois to care about the same thing he does, which is saving humanity. Laois and co. are willing to side with the demon to protect Marcille from the Canaries. By asking to be Laois friend, Kabru becomes Laois' link to humanity that whatever they would do from there with the demon, please don't forget how it might affect other people outside his friends. And by gods, this is important to Kabru's development because he has never asked for help for his cause nor asked anyone to care because he's too used to the self-serving nature of all races. And yet, he chose to believe in Laois. Because if Laois could go that for his sister and elven friend, what more if he could do the same for what Kabru cares the most?

However, it was only in the end that they were able to talk after things had settled down. And they are so different and so alike at the same time.

Source

In this scene, there are two differing thoughts:

Laois, who experienced social rejection growing up: Do you still mean it?

Kabru, who had to deal with those of higher power: Are you testing me?

But they're still thinking the same thing: Is this real?

Like, all of their motivations have the weight often molded into romantic plots in any other story. A character who got their heart broken too many times and another character whose honesty does not come easy for them. But it's not a romantic story, but a start of a beautiful friendship.

There are more examples out there, but this is what came to my mind. Feel free to add more.

[satubby]

•Daddy's girl Second part•

[See your face smile once again]

Here is the part before this (Maybe it doesn't even make sense but god, it was 2020, we still barely knew about Kenjaku)

♡ >>> 《☆》 <<< ♡

He hears through the gloom, the crunch of bones and the sound of the city… or maybe it was his hallucination?

Satoru feels like he is in a deep ocean, drowning... Darkness surrounds him, like deep waters that drag him out of his consciousness or perhaps drown him, he no longer knows anything and he doesn't want to keep thinking about it.

Death, the feeling of loneliness that has always accompanied him... even after Suguru Geto left him alone, you had never left him, you were his daughter and yet he ignored you until it was too late to realize. The only thing that made him feel happy, the only human that saw him as Satoru and not the strong cursed sorcerer that was the imbalance in this world of witchcraft. YOU WERE his daughter... but you couldn't be with him anymore, because you were dead and before that your relationship with him was distant.

He remembers that by the time he realized how much you had distanced yourself from him, his feelings no longer mattered to you, just as he once never cared about yours... By then you were an abandoned and alone girl, surrounded by death and a father who left her to not face his fears and blinded by the pain of losing a friendship.

So although he will try his best to repair it, you no longer wanted to know anything about him even when you lived in the same house, you didn't even give him a look or a word. Maybe that's why he tried to be a better father than when he was young and stupid.

You could call it a good thing, it's kind of cute, right? But for someone broken like you, their love was false and although Satoru could see that you really wanted to accept it, in the end the pride of both of you and your injuries prevented you from getting closer. He regrets having left you alone, when you barely knew about the world, and he left you in the hands of others, fearing that when you saw him you would ask for Suguru. That you complained to him for killing his own friend who was like your uncle.

It was stupid if he's honest, looking at current things...he shouldn't have pushed you away believing you'd be better off if he didn't confront you and instead showered you with material things. Satoru did not know how to really love and now that he was lying on the ground, smiling and trusting his students... He realizes again that despite the pride of both of them, you continued to love him as your father, moments before your death how you smiled at him by hugging him and dragging yourself towards him in your last minutes alive.

It may sound selfish on his part, but he really wishes he had said 'I love you' to you even though you were mad at him for leaving you alone, for yelling at you in his teenage and young adult days, at you, his precious little sunshine.

For once he wants to be selfish, he really does, just this once... Damn!! His heart has begun to stop beating, his half is split in two, he laughs coughing up black blood... This fight may be a loss but he smiles knowing that maybe it's karma for leaving you to your fate, saving so many lives but at the expense of yours and his, which if you think about it, wasn't worth it that much.

At this thought, something new crossed his mind: Your beautiful face had not left his memories. Your expression before being hugged by him... His beautiful baby, moments before he died.

He remembers every detail of you and when you played in the bathtub with the rubber ducks, you and Suguru smiling at him, but now those are just memories, of when you both lived and how Shoko used to hit him for heating the powdered milk too much. He misses his friends, you more than anyone...

Satoru wonders, would it have been different if he hadn't left you alone and stayed by your side? He regrets having pushed you away, that you should have made your decisions in the face of his emotional abandonment and all because he was still mourning Geto, forgetting about your existence, longing and lonely like him.

"Tired" was his only answer to that simple question. That's the obvious. Look at his current state... Time, time, Sukuna looks at him, whispers words that he honestly no longer cared about and didn't listen to... his time in this place is over.

"I'm sorry my dear students... I'm sorry my mochi" And although he became a wandering being of revenge until he ran into Sukuna in Megumi's body after having killed the elders, he finally found the peace he was looking for so much. Only the king of curses can kill him now that he himself has become the thing he most swears to purge.

Then Satoru stops breathing, being 'exorcised' and so he lets himself sink into the sea of blissful death.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

The abyss became deeper, his soul fell slowly, Satoru stopped feeling little by little and the only thing he thought while he felt currents of darkness passing through him... was that lullaby.

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please, don't take my sunshine away

The letters came and went, in the distance as if the water swallowed them, the former special sorcerer felt numb floating in nothingness, only the light of something peeking in the mist of the dark sea

The other night, dear, as I laid sleepingI dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistakenSo I hung my head and cried

Then he understood that that voice is his, Satoru smiles inwardly, that lullaby which he sang to you when you were distressed, to apologize for leaving you alone on dark nights.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please, don't take my sunshine away

And before the last syllable of the song, he felt hands grab his face, giving him a hug, Satoru cried in silence when he saw you there, his little sun and his beloved mochi—His abandoned baby...

"Come back, dad... Do it right this time, I'll forgive you for everything!" Your voice sounded in his mind as your soul enveloped him and you walked away, letting him fall into the abyss. And like a shock of reality, Satoru opened his eyes standing in front of the bathroom, on the other side you could hear tears and sobs, it was you, well you seemed younger.

He was surprised to see himself alive and— Younger, he looked like he was in his 20's and that meant that you were 4 years old. He was happy, but then memories ran through his mind, hitting him with headaches.

Moments before you had come home from school with your babysitter, you had shown him a drawing you made for him but he ignored you, saying he was busy and you complained to him crying because he also forgot your dance recital... Which leads to why you are locked in the bathroom.

Trembling, he approaches the lock opening the door, you were curled up with swollen eyes full of tears, uncomfortable, the albino approached you, crouching down and being clumsy when hugging you.

"Shh! Ota-chan is sorry for yelling at you earlier my little one, I was stressed and I shouldn't have said those things to you, will you forgive your fool Ota-chan?" Your eyes looked at him and despite your tears, you hugged him, of course you were still that lonely and vulnerable girl who begged for his attention.

"...Ota-chan is a fool, you left (Y/N) alone at the recital, it hurt a lot" You complained looking at him with a pout, Satoru hugged you getting up with you and kissing your cheek, this time you would have ALL of his attention.

"Ota-chan I'm sorry my baby, I promise that even if I'm busy, I'll come see you and we can go for a walk... What do you want me to do to make it up to you hmm?"

His voice softens as he speaks to you, he no longer dares to be harsh with you, after everything that will happen in the future, at least if he can't stop it, he will protect you.

"Are you seriously going to make it up to (Y/N)? W-well if you don't mind, (Y/n) wants to go to the park" You didn't even turn to look at him which he understood, after years of ignoring you and emotionally abusing you in cold ways, he understood your fear.

"Then it will be Tokyo Disneyland! But for that we must bathe you, and we will clean that beautiful face, it seems that you have a duck's mouth for eyes hahaha" Satoru mocked, playing with you and pulling on your baby cheeks.

"Ota-chan, don't make fun of (Y/N)'s beautiful eyes! You were guilty!" You sulked, grabbing his hair and pulling it, then you laughed when you saw his pained faces, but he didn't even say anything to you, you're still a girl, he must be a better dad for you.

♡ >>> 《☆》 <<< ♡

For the next few days he pampered and loved you, when before he would forget to go to your school projects with Nanami or Shoko going in his place, now he never missed even if he had to threaten the higher ups letting them know that their old asses were still alive because that's how he wanted it, if he killed them like he did before, it would bring a lot of chaos and the truth is he doesn't want to do so much paperwork and much less stay away from you.

He also made sure to spend hours playing with you, showering you or having bubble battles and even inviting Megumi over (well technically Megumi lived with you even though she spent time studying) He also bought you a polaroid camera, it seemed like you loved taking photos.

Little by little Satoru saw his relationship with you blossom and you opened up little by little, coming to love him as he loves you. He thought they would be happy until— What was supposed to happen happened, Yuta and all the events that came after he came under his tutelage.

Due to the many problems that his old friend caused him, Satoru did not want to see the scene where he had to kill him again, he did not want to and he even stood watching it. Geto smiled at him, saying that he sure looked pathetic, that he understood the path he took but that Satoru shouldn't feel guilty.

That night he came home reliving his memories and emotions, even though it has already happened twice he can't get over it, but unlike the past (future?) you were there hugging him, you were a very smart girl and you didn't ask anything, just hugging him.

"It hurts a lot right, Ota-chan? (Y/N) won't ask questions, she's there for you" Satoru smiled and cried, only you could comfort him, he clung to you and whispered a lot of 'I love you my baby', not this time he hid his pain under happiness and you simply decided to play to take care of him, but that simple game distracted him from his pain.

"Tonight, you will be a patient and (Y/N) the doctor!!" You laughed as you spent the entire night playing with him until you fell asleep. When he took you to the bed, he smiled softly, kissing your forehead and letting you sleep, little did you both know that your pure love would turn crazy and passionate.

♡ >>> 《☆》 <<< ♡

It was your 8th birthday, Satoru had made sure to give you the best party and although you had video calls with your acquaintances and his to congratulate you, something very deep inside him that had been brewing since he went back in time and killed his friend again, somewhat selfish and paranoid. Maybe that's why you didn't have many friends, only Megumi and those from the jujutsu technical school, maybe he was VERY selfish by monopolizing your time.

But Satoru loved having you close and his many past/future regrets made him act like this. For 4 years he has been isolating you, you no longer go to school and you have private tutors, he fears that you want to leave like in the past, that others will monopolize your time when you could well do it with him. What if it was excessive? He was, but he didn't care about other people's opinions and even if his coworkers and friends told him that it was bad to isolate you, Satoru only made them less worried, you were fine like that.

Not for nothing has he killed and sacrificed anyone who interfered with his plans with you, the elderly were the first and those who bothered you followed them, he has already lost count of how many he killed, many times you almost died and that is why he preferred to lock you up, and you as a malleable girl (as hateful as it may sound, he just thinks you're very sweet and innocent) You think this is normal, it's just your precious daddy taking care of you.

"Ota-chan!! I've grown up, I'm 14 cm taller than the table!" You laughed raising your arms, Satoru smiled hugging you and lifting you into his arms. Yes, you definitely don't need to leave the house with anyone other than him, your precious golden cage where no one can touch you, much less take you away from him, will no longer allow you to die at the hands of others or be used against him.

"Tsk, Tsk! My little baby is growing, do you want to catch up with your Ota-chan? First drink milk so you can reach me! My dwarfy!" His lips went to your belly and tickled you, left behind was that girl who was abandoned and resentful of him, but who waited until the end, loving him in silence.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please, don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I laid sleepingI dreamed I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistakenSo I hung my head and cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please, don't take my sunshine away

TAG LIST: @louismae, @byakuyasgirlfriendandwife, @moonymoons-blog and 831 people from the previous post

And I thank all the people for waiting for this, damn it took me 4 years hahaha ha... I'm really sorry, but I was depressed so I had no inspiration or head for this, it's just a hobby thanks for your support [UNEDITED!]

[sharuruwrites]

Another

I'm in love with the idea Of dying with you in my arms But not like this - The Bird song by Noah Floersch

Tags: Osamu Dazai x Fem!Reader, Angst, inspiration from BEAST manga, unedited, Reader works as a florist, lots of deaths, Dazai being a Yandere in one of his past lives?, Unalive oneself, fluff

A/n: haven't read the manga, but hearing these specific lines from that song two days ago while driving to home, made me write this. I do recommend to look up hanakotoba or Japanese Flower Language after reading this one shot.

------------------------------------

The ability to experience and remembered all past lives sounded a good idea in theory. However, one must expect that not everything would be the same as one hoped it'll be.

Unfortunately, Osamu Dazai was blessed? or perhaps cursed? He really didn't know at this point as he lost count in how many lives he started and ended. Dazai was too busy studying the lady's beautiful features behind the glass window of a flower shop.

Someone was so lovely and brimming with life, but so far within his reach. The carefree smile on your face never changed either.

Yes, this wasn't his first encounter of you. In fact, in every life he experienced, a very special constant existed. He unexpectedly believed he would get his desired ending.

You.

Despite your profession being the same through the many lifetimes, you always have a different favourite flower and a different ending.

In the first book, the scent of red roses was constant to him as you always greeted him with it. It was a fall at first sight. Stolen kisses, intimate conversations, and silence filled with affection. Love and Passion -- those two words described what his first relationship was like with you. Just the existence of you was enough to fill the void he found in his tiring world.

Yet, his enemies found out his 'weakness', and the last thing he remembered from that life was rage and anger directed at everything after your corpse was delivered to him.

In the next book, your first meeting, Dazai brushed his fingers against yours as you were reaching for the soft hydrangeas. Memories from the previous book haunted him, and swore to himself that he would do everything to keep you safe. The moment you fell for him he ensnared you, and locked you up in his apartment like a caged bird.

Dazai took advantage of your kind heart by threatening to take his life if you dared to go outside. His fear of losing you and his stubborn pride drove you to insanity. Instead of an obedient and dependent beloved welcoming him home, he found you dead with an empty bottle of sleeping pills.

In one of the books and after many more tragedies, Dazai vowed to not fall for you, but fate was a such a cruel mistress to suffering. Everywhere he went, you were there, wearing a metallic spider-like flower brooch.

Since when fucking Yokahama city became a small town for him to see you so easily?

Dazai avoided you like a plaque, but it's unavoidable as you were somehow acquainted with the agency's mad doctor, Yosano. During your visits in the agency, longing still filled him as he caught glimpses of you. Dazai yearned to be the one who makes you smile effortlessly.

After he gathered the courage to approach you, he witnessed a car crash as your body flung across the busy street of the city. His mind screamed at him to get close to you, but he stood still as his eyes locked onto the bloodied flower brooch on your dress.

That's where realization hit Dazai. Whether it be from the start or from the end, you and him were doomed. He's enamoured to a dream -- to die alongside of a beautiful lady. But, if it meant a countless partings with you attached to your tragic end, why would he wished for it?

Although all hope may seemed lost, Dazai dreamt of a very peaceful scenery last night that ignited his hope of a happy ending with you.

"I know we just got married," Dazai cupped your face, and his thumb caressed your cheek. "But, will you marry me in our next life?"

You leaned further to his touch with your eyes getting misty. "Well, as long as you hear me say yes."

With a deep breath, Dazai walked into your flower shop. The bell rang, and the flowers' scent filled his senses. He took a moment to enjoy the sight before him—the roses, carnations, and lilies, all so pretty. He felt himself smile at the sight, as if he hadn't seen them in years. He had never thought much of flowers, but after he met you, he found himself falling in love with them.

"Welcome!" you called from behind the counter, greeting him. "How may I help you?"

"Instead of help," Dazai plucked a cluster of small blue flowers from a nearby vase. "Can't I just give a beautiful lady like you a flower?"

"Oh," You meekly accepted the flower. "How did you know that forget-me-nots are my favourite?"

Dazai chuckled. "A lucky guess?"

[fiddleyoumust]

I just finished The Boyfriend reunion (there are subs on it now!), and I, of course, have feelings about it.

I'm so happy that Taeheon was able to come out successfully to his parents and that he is trying to be more open to dating different types of people after his experiences getting to know the other boyfriend cast members. He's such a lovely man, and I really hope he finds a great partner.

I am now about 95% convinced that Kazuto had a thing for Dai that he never pursued because Dai was so set on Shun from day one. His comment in the episode watch that Netflix put up on YouTube a few days ago where he said he thought Dai liked him definitely makes me think he was thinking about Dai in the early days. Especially when I remembered Kazuto was one of the 3 people who wrote Dai a letter on day 1.

I'm also convinced Dai would have been the Kazuto of the season if he had been open to anyone but Shun. He got a letter from Ginsei, Kazuto, and Ryota on day one. Alan had already hit it 😂. He wooed Shun into falling in love with him, and Ikuo wanted him too. Boy had mad game and only played for Shun 💖.

On the Shun and Dai front, they seem like they are doing great. I've seen some concern over Dai letting Shun do most of the talking about their relationship. I find that so funny because all the complaints during the show were that Shun wasn't expressing how he felt about Dai, and now that he is talking about it, Dai is being stifled! Just say yall don't like them and go. It's fine to just not vibe with a couple's energy. I personally loved seeing Shun be excited to talk about them. He looked very happy.

I've also seen people concern trolling over the "we fight everyday" comment from Dai. I think that was 50% joke, but if yall didn't know Shun and Dai's dramatic asses were going to be the type of couple who ruins a rug over a fight about sashimi idk what to tell you. Some couples like drama. Sometimes fighting is foreplay. Their kinks are okay.

I really love Dai's comment about opening himself up to being hurt by Shun. I don't at all think he was saying Shun has a license to hurt him whenever he wants. I think he was saying he ran scared from love before because he feared being hurt, but meeting Shun made him brave enough to risk being hurt. Like, even if this person does end up hurting me, our love is worth the risk.

I think Shun and Dai actually have a pretty healthy relationship because they communicate well. Neither one of them is scared to say, "I don't like that," and they don't seem like they avoid conflict. Shun being a "princess" is not concerning to me. Sometimes people are divas, and sometimes other people are gagged for divas. MFEO! I also think it took a person like Shun to make Dai want a relationship. He said he was focused on education and career, and to me, that reads as a man who hadn't found anyone interesting enough to move his focus to romance. Shun being beautiful AND challenging was exactly what Dai needed to move his focus.

I'll end by saying that relationships are hard. All relationships, and I hope everyone who watched or watches the show will remember these are real people. They are on social media. They are seeing what you say about them. I hope everyone leads with kindness and treats the cast like they would the people in their actual lives. They made my summer so lovely by letting me into their lives, and I hope they all go on to be incredibly happy.

[bluegalaxygirl]

Amnesia (KidKiller X Reader) P19

Plot: After an explosion reader wakes up in a hospital with no memory of the past few years, her parents want to take her home so she can recover and get back to a normal life while the Kid pirates want her back on the ship where she belongs.

Warning: Bad language, Family issues, domestic abuse, Medical stuff, Medication, Violence and Blood.

Reader is Female, Poly Relationship, established relationship, Kid X Reader X Killer, Reader is a member of the Kid pirates and is in charge of the money, Budgeting and negotiating the best price.

< Previous part …. Next Part >

The walk to the hospital felt longer than normal mainly because Killer's mind is racing with all the things you might say after you lashed out at Kid, he hopes he can at least smooth things over with you so you won't kick them out, he would hate to have to take you by force but as time goes on he feels more and more drawn to it. If you end up wanting to go with your parents he will happily join his captain in sinking this island and taking you by force, you may hate them for it but in his mind, he would rather you hate him than let you go back with those people. The masked man is snapped out of his thoughts by House who speaks up while trying to keep pace with the taller man "So, N/N really remembers me?" The crazy haired girl asks holding her notebook to her chest, a large hopeful smile on her face and big eyes which look bigger due to her strange glasses, it brings a small smile to his face seeing how happy their doctor is at just the thought you might remember her. "Yes, she remembers training with you but thats it" Despite your memory of her being very limited it causes House to jump a little in excitement starting to speed walk until they get to the elevator, once inside and the doors are closed Killer places his hand on Houses shoulder getting the girl to look up at him with a raised eyebrow "I want you to wait outside the room when we get there, i need to have a word with Y/n before we do anything else" The masked man states getting the girl to nod, her excitement starting to get under control, like the rest of the crew House doesn't know what happened for Kid and Killer to stay on the ship for a whole day and for their captain to flip out, only the commanders know, but she wasn't about to ask or ease drop if she can help it.

Killer lets out a breath trying to calm himself as the elevator opens showing him the same view he always gets, a clean white building with hardly any noise but the blowing wind, stepping out House is quick to follow mainly looking down hoping to not trip on a branch or go through a loose piece of wood. It isn't long until the two make it to your room, the door's closed, but he can't hear any talking, he hopes that your parents haven't shown up yet and with the nurse not at her desk he can't ask her if they've shown up. A knock on your door makes you flinch a gasp leaving your lips as you quickly take your glasses off in fear of it being your mother, your too tired and sore to deal with her yelling at you over something so small which is why you asked for the door to be closed. "Y-Yes" You call out placing the book you were reading and glasses on the side table, to your relief it's not your mother that walks in, but Killer making your body relax against the headboard, the masked man walks in closing the door behind him before clearing his throat "I'm sorry about Kid and… I know you don't trust us bu-" The smile that was once on your face drops at his words, you should be the one thats sorry not him and the thought that you don't trust him hurts, so before you can even think about it you call out to him "Killer, It's not Kid's fault, i shouldn't have said those things, i was mad but now thinking back on it… I'm sorry, i made a big mistake, is Kid mad at me?" You ask feeling tears well up in your eyes, it didn't click with you before but now it has, Kid isn't here, his coat isn't around you and those amber eyes aren't looking you over with a cocky smile on his red lips and you know he's not patient enough to wait outside so that means he isn't here.

The blonde sighs making his way over to you, placing his hand on your cheek he lifts your face up to look at him, his teeth clench in anger at seeing the new bruise on the corner of your cheek bone, it wasn't there the last time he saw you, he wonders if someone hurt you or if you fell, but he shoves that aside for now and instead focuses on reassuring you "He's not mad at you, he's mad at himself." Killers thumb lightly runs over the bruise on your cheek as you raise an eyebrow, Kid should be angry at you not himself, your the one that yelled and ran off while he tried not to yell back. "He shouldn't be, He's been trying so hard for my sake, and i insult him? I've seen the way you both hold back, you could just grab me and burn this place to the ground but you've given me a chose and you've stuck by that even when i'm being a bitch" You can't help but laugh a little at the end, calling yourself a bitch somehow didn't sound so insulting even though it should be, reaching up you take Killers hand off your cheek and hold it in yours, a small huff of a laugh leaves the masked man's lips as he squeezes your hand "I'm not going to lie, we've both thought about it a lot, just taking you but trust and loyalty is everything to us, we won't do anything to break your trust, and we will always be loyal to you" The blonde brings your hand up to his mask pressing your knuckles against the part where his lips would be, your heart swells at the gesture and yet all you can think about is his lips, does he wear lipstick like Kid? are they soft or chapped? Plump or thin? "Killer… Can i-" Your question is interrupted by the door opening causing the two of you to look over at the door and freeze in place.

Melody's raised eyebrows and confused eyes land on the two of you, although she doesn't seem confused about what's going on in the room but with a crazy haired girl wearing large strange glasses waving at you form next to her, you recognized her as the girl from your memories, but she looks a little different, her hair is more puffy and a lot longer and the glasses she's wearing seem bigger than you remember. "This is your doctor?" Melody asks pointing to House next to her, the girl slightly bouncing on her feet as a large smile forms on her face "House, right?" You ask before Killer can answer the question, the smile on House's face somehow gets wider as she sprints to you, dropping her notebook the girl wraps her arms around you as a giggle leaves her lips "Your remember me" Despite how it looks House is surprisingly gentle with her hug but it still made you gasp and jump slightly at fist, wrapping your arms around the girl you lightly pat her back. "Be careful" The nurse yells while walking into the room giving a hard glare at the pirate doctor, Killer lets out a sigh clearly unimpressed by the display of affection from your best friend "House, off" The masked man demands making House quickly let you go and stand back up scrambling to grab her notebook and a few loose pages that have fallen out. "Sorry about her, This is House our doctor and a good one at that" Killer states crossing his arms over his chest in almost a protective manner not wanting anyone to insult a member of his crew, Melody caught on quick to it and puts her hands up letting out a nervous laugh "I was just making sure since you and your captain weren't around to clarify, i didn't want to let a compete stranger in"

Killer gives a short nod letting his shoulders relax, "I'm glad you came House, there's a few things i was hoping to ask" You turn to the crazy haired girl who has picked up her notebook and finished putting the pieces of loose paper pack in their places, she turns to you with a nod but Melody quickly speaks up before you can ask anything "First we need to talk about last night, Y/n had another seizure the night nurse told me that she re-injured her legs but luckily her shoulder is ok" A sick feeling runs through your body at the thought of it alone, you really don't trust your doctor to be telling the truth, plus you've never met the night nurse so you have no idea if you should trust her or not. Killer tenses up again as he turns his attention to you mainly focusing on your covered legs, he hasn't seen how bad it is under the bandages, but he knows that reopening a healing wound will make the healing process a lot longer and sometimes more painful "Is that how you got this?" The masked man moves his hand to run his fingers over the bruise on your cheek, gulping you know better than to lie to the blonde, he seems to know when something is wrong so its only safe to say he knows when your lying too but Kid did say that if your parents hurt you he would kill them, Killer might think the same and as much as you hate your farther for what he did you don't want him to die over a slap "I don't remember how i got it, but at least my cheek bone is healed and my skull" You smile up at him hoping he will focus on the good stuff.

House pushes up her glasses before stepping closer already feeling the tension coming from the first mate and wanting to break it before something like yesterday happened "That's great news, your stitches are out and your not wearing a sling anymore so hopefully you'll be out of here soon. Can i look you over just to make sure?" Melody places a hand on House's shoulder getting the girl to take a step back thinking she's in the way which earning a sweet smile of the nurse "You can observe as i clean her wounds and re-bandages them" The nurse states pulling the covers off you, the once white bandages are slightly stained with red and brown blood spot in different places, you now see why your legs sting so much. "Their dirty" Killer's almost growls as his focus shifts from you, to your legs and then to the nurse who tenses up a little at his tone, the masked man's anger grows until you grab his hand pulling the blonde closer to you with as much strength as you can muster, you don't know why but something told you that he was going to chock her. "It's ok, i asked her to wait since you were bringing House this morning, so… I'd rather not be poked and prodded twice today" Killer quickly turns to you hating that you left it for so long, his anger subsides at hearing the reason why, it makes sense now and the thought of causing you more pain makes his chest tighten, squeezing your hand the blonde gives you a silent nod before pulling a nearby chair over to the bed, so he can sit down next to you and hold your hand which you have refused to let go of. His comfort helps a lot as the Nurse talks to House while pulling the bandages off your legs, it stings, itches and feels tight all at the same time but Melody is careful especially around the recently opened area's.

The process hurt more than you thought it would making you grit your teeth and take deep breaths through your nose, Killer's eyes shift from your legs to your face, he hates seeing you in pain, and he's now extremely glad that he made Kid stay back, not even he could stop the captain from shoving the nurse off you and berating her even though the woman is only doing her job. "Ok, thats your legs done" Melody sighs taking off her gloves and showing them in a small yellow bin along with some of the equipment she used, House nods having stayed over the nurses shoulder the whole time, asking questions and taking notes in her book "Other than the reopened area's the skin's healing nicely, you'll differently have darker spots of skin in some places and the ink on some of your tattoo's have come off but i don't see many issues once its fully healed" House smiles at you happy to see the hospital is doing something right, with a tired smile you give her a thumbs up unable to speak due to the throbbing in your legs and the tiredness overcoming your brain "You ok, babe?" Killer quickly leans forward placing his hand on your cheek to make you look at him, his eyes search yours for that glazed over look you get before those headaches's come on but to his relief it isn't there, just tired slightly teary eyes from trying to hold back groans of pain over the past half hour. A fluttering feeling appears in your stomach at the nickname making you feel more lightheaded although unlike the tiredness it's a almost heavenly feel, leaning into his touch you give the blonde a small smile and a nod.

Melody finishes cleaning up before making her way over to the end of your bed and grabbing your chart, flipping to the back she writes something down before flipping it back "Oh can i see that?" House asks suddenly at the nurses side making the woman jump and gasp in surprise, she didn't hear or see the girl move at all, staring at the crazy haired girl for a moment Melody slowly hands the chart over trying to figure out how the loud and seemingly clumsy girl from before snuck up on her. House gives the nurse a smile before grabbing the chart out of her hands and reading it over, her face turns to confusion and slight concern at seeing some of the stuff written down feeling like something is wrong. Your tired eyes pull away from Killer feeling the energy in the room change, when your eyes land on the pirate doctor your heart drops knowing your assumptions are true. "House what's wrong?" You ask but the girl doesn't move her eyes fixed on the page in front of her "Y/n takes all these in a day?" House asks finally looking up from the chart to look at the nurse while pointing to something on the paper, Melody leans in looking it over before nodding "Twice a day, one dose in the morning and one at night" your hand uncontinuously tightens its hold on Killer's hand starting to let your nerves show, the masked man squeezes your hand lightly trying to offer you reassurance despite his own growing anxiety. House shakes her head looking back to the chart one last time before hanging it back on the end of your bad "That seems excessive for seizure meds, do you mind if i have a look at the pill's?" Melody raises an eyebrow unsure of weather she should do it or not, she doesn't think the doctors here would do anything bad and since House is more of a field medic she might not know a lot about medication.

Her eyes glance to you seeing your tense and almost panicked state so nods offering you a small smile before heading out the door "I'll be right back" House smiles back waving at her before quickly grabbing her notebook and pen starting to write down stuff with amazing speed "You wanted to ask me about the pills right?" the crazy girl asks somehow reading your mind and making you relax your grip on Killer's hand, letting out a breath you nod finally feeling like your not crazy for thinking something is wrong. "Yes, they keep increasing my seizure meds and… I'm just a little anxious about it, i don't know why" Killer runs his thumb over your hand in slightly reassurance, he wished you would have said something sooner about this but then again a lot has been going on and too many people are involved "Trust your gut, if something feels wrong then it wrong " A smile forms on his face at seeing your eyes meet his through the mask a look of relief washing over your face and that slight sparkle of joy he loves to see light up your eyes. "It's excessive the amount their giving you but once i have a look at the tablets and its bottle then I'll know more" The crazy haired girl slams her book closed and paces her pen behind her ear, it disappearing in the mess of hair just as the nurse walks back in with a try full of medication, some in yellow bottles with labels and other in boxes "I thought you might want to have a look at all her meds" The gesture earns a big smile from House bouncing on her tip toes slightly in joy "Thank you so much" Lifting up the bottles the girl inspects the pulls inside and reads the labels all while the nurse watches her every move still not to sure about a pirate handling medication.

With the two women distracted Killer takes this chance to grab your attention, leaning back on his chair the masked man squeezes your hand in three short bursts earning a confused look from you, it takes him a second to realize you have no idea what the gesture means "It means we want privet time or a privet talk" Killer whispers already answering your question before you can ask it, with a small nod you lean back relaxing into the headboard and leaning into the blonde slightly "What's up?" You whisper still keeping your eyes on House and the nurse decreasing some medical stuff you can't understand "Where'd you get the bruise?" His question is so simple yet it sends a sense of dread down into your stomach, even though lying to him would be futile you can't help but do it anyway, you can't tell him the truth "I don't remember, it probably happened during my seizure" The small piece of hope you had that he would just give up and leave it alone is crushed when a growl leaves his lips, not loud enough for the two girls to hear but deep enough to send panic through you "I know your lying.. Farther or mother?" Killer asks turning his head slightly to gauge your reaction hoping to find the answer, he watches your eyes widen slightly at being caught in a lie before going back to normal trying to act like everything is ok, it makes his blood boil knowing he's right, one of your parents hit you, it must have happened yesterday. Did it happen before or after they attached your parents? Was it his fault that they took their anger out on you? are you hurt anywhere else?

The masked man is snapped out of his thoughts by your hand squeezing his in three short bursts "Please leave it alone, i'm not hurt anywhere else, i promise" You whisper turning to look at him, the blonde slowly turns to look you over his other hand moving up to run his fingers lightly over the bruise, he doesn't want to let this go, they should pay for even looking at you but he nods deciding at least for now to drop it. "We.. We need to talk later, we.. Me, Kid, Wire and Heat found out some stuff about your past and.." Killer sighs hating that he's having a hard time getting what he needed out, he knows he needs to tell you as soon as possible about what they did in hopes it will lessen your hate for them but at the same time he doesn't want you to know. "Are they dead? My parents" You knew it would happen eventually, one or both of them would lash out and hurt someone yet you strangely don't feel anything towards it, shouldn't you be upset or mad at the thought of their death? The masked man sucks in a breath of shock surprised that you caught on so quickly "No, their alive just… a broken nose and bruising" With a nod you squeeze his hand again knowing you need to talk later about all this and what they found out, at lot happened over the years and looking back on it makes you mad enough to want to lash out but you've never had the courage to do so, yesterday was proof that you still don't. The two of you state at each other for a moment, despite what you've both just learned it feels like a weight has been lifted leaving the two of you to just bask in each other prescience, enjoy the for once calm moment, uncontinuously the two of you move in closer only stopping when his mask meets your forehead allowing you to see those beautiful blue eyes that shine in the darkness.

House picks up a small yellow bottle with a few pills in them, their small round and thin but doe to the yellow tint of the bottle he can't see the color, so she uncaps the lid and shakes out all the pulls, the blue color makes her pause and look again at the label then back to the pill again her eyebrows raising even more. "Seizure meds shouldn't look like this, their supposed to be pink or white due to the chemical makeup" Her voice snaps You and Killer out of your trance both quickly looking over to the crazy haired girl worry starting to set in, Melody sighs turning around from where she was putting bottles back on the tray only to gasp and leap forward grabbing the bottle of lid "Don't touch the meds, i'm more than happy to show you the bottle but its health and safety that no one touches medication without gloves" Taken back by the nurse's sudden strictness and anger you tense up while Killer to growl slightly hating anyone going after a member of his crew, normally the masked man would step in but one look at house's posture makes him realize not only that she has it under control but that this was planned from the start. "Oh shoot, your right i'm so sorry. Now that I've touched it what do i do?" House gasps holding her hand out and away from herself and the nurse as if it's going to explode.

With a sigh Melody pinched her nose and shakes her head seeming to calm down. "I'll have to bin them all now.. Listen i'm sorry for snapping but next time if you want to see the pills up close just ask me" The nurse screws the cap back on and turns back to the try placing the bottle down before lifting the try up into on hand "I'll throw them away, I've got to get back to work, stay as long as you like but please don't mess with anything… at least without asking me first" Melody giggles holding out her hand for the pills. House lets a big smile show as she places the blue pills into the nurses hand giving her an enthusiastic nod, "I'll see you later" The nurse smiles your way while making her way out the door, for once the room is in complete silence both Killer and House seem to be waiting for something so you stay quiet too. After a minute House lets out a giggles running over to the door and quickly closing it "How many?" Killer asks there's a clear smirk on his face by the sound of his voice "Four i think" House giggles holding out her hand to show four small blue pills she managed to take, reaching into her white lab coat she takes out a small glass bottle and opens it placing the pill inside "S-so i was right? There is something wrong?" Its strange, you feel relief and validated in your worry but at the same time it just makes you more nervous maybe even paranoid, does this also mean that your dream last night was real? If so then when did that happen? Did it happen last night or a few days go?

Sensing your worry House quickly slips the bottle back into her coat while making her way over to you, sitting on the bed she takes your other hand in both of hers "I don't know what they are but I'll find out, for now lets just keep it a secret and try your best to take less of those pills, i still think you should take at least two just in case i'm wrong, either hide the rest of me or flush them" House explains helping your mind calm down a bit, Killer squeezes your hand feeling himself become angry that this place could be making you sicker, he knows this is your family's doing, he knows House will get to the bottom of this and with you willing to help hopefully it will be over quickly. "Thank you" without warning you reach out and pull House into a hug which she happily returns shoving her face into your neck "Thank you so much" You whisper into her thankful that someone has listened to her, she knows Kid and Killer believe her but having someone in the medical field validate what your feeling and saying means so much more, you no longer feel crazy and that your just dreaming things up. "I've always got your back" House whispers back before pulls away giving you a massive smile which is strange since you didn't think it could get any bigger. "Alight, I'll leave you to rest and catch up, get some sleep ok" The crazy haired girl stands then turns to Killer "I'll start working on this, you want me to tell the captain anything?" She asks lightly bouncing on her feet indicating she's raring to get moving, Killer turns to you asking a silent questions which you quickly nod too wanting more than anything to talk with Kid and apologise, giving you a nod back he turns to House "Tell the captain it's ok to come"

[nevereverywhere]

Paul McCartney Interview 1982

Q: "Let me ask you what everybody wants to know. How did you feel when you heard the news about John's murder?"

(at that precise moment my cassette auto-stopped)

PAUL: "You see, your cassette didn't even like the question. (laughs) Listen, John would be the first guy to laugh about that. How did I feel? I can't remember. I can't express it. I can't believe it. It was crazy. It was anger. It was fear. It was madness. It was the world coming to an end. And it was, 'Will it happen to me next?' I just felt everything. I still can't put into words. Shocking. And I ended up saying, 'It's a drag,' and that doesn't really sum it up."

Q: "Were you actually still close to him?"

PAUL: "Yes, yes. I suppose the story was that we were pretty close in the beginning when we were writing stuff together. We felt alot of sympathy for each other, although on a personal level, based on a lot of stuff that went down later, I obviously wasn't that close to him. To me, he was a fella, and you don't get that close to fellas. I felt very close to him, but from alot of what he said later, obviously, I was missing in the picture. But anyway, I felt very close to him then and when the Beatles started to feel the strain towards the last couple of years, it was getting to be a bit of a strain and we were drifting more apart. I think the kind of anchor that had held us together was still there. I think that we all, in a way, started to get really angry with each other, annoyed and frustrated, but we were still very keen on each other, loved each other, I suppose, because we had been mates together for so long. Like Ringo says, 'We were as three brothers.' It's that kind of a feeling. I mean, I didn't realize that, but Ringo would tell me later, 'You are like my brothers, you lot.' We all knew that there was some kind of deep regard for each other."

Q: "When the rift started, it was more like a divorce, like a love/hate relationship, coming apart. Is that true?"

PAUL: "Yes. It sounds weird when you use that analogy because then it takes on another meaning. But yes, it's true. What I mean is that there was that kind of deep feeling and deep heat. (laughs) Then we started arguing about the business and we just started to drift apart, as you say, like a kind of divorce. The bitchiness set in and everyone started going, 'Oh you say that, do you? Well, I'm really gonna let you know what I've been thinking all these years.' And we tended to go over a little bit over the top, I suppose. So it started to split apart. We got very estranged because John went to live in New York with Yoko and they were very much their own couple and there weren't many people that could get into that thing. I really think that was one of the best things that ever happened to him, for his personal happiness. It wasn't too easy for all of us, because he was sort of leaving us and going off on a new life and, whether you like it or not, we felt that each one of us had been each other's crutches for a long time. Then, with John moving away, there was a lot of bitchiness carrying on."

"I talked to Yoko the day after John was killed and the first thing she said was, 'John was really fond of you, you know.' It was almost as if she sensed that I was wondering whether he had... whether the relationship had snapped. I believe it was always there. I believe he really was fond of me, as she said. We were really the best of mates. It was really ace."

Ray Bonici for Canadian music magazine Music Express

the whole interview

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hellooo the new clip has me screaming!

Okay so what do we think is going on with Nicky? If that is him his turning appears quite differently with how it is described in the books! It looks like armand will be telling a very different story on how Nicky was turned and how things developed after. 😬

Also! What is going on with Madeleine? The shot with the child's legs and the blood is highly indicative- is that her past??

Lastly Louis keeps getting attacked by things 😅 let him live

Heyyy!!

Oh god yes, it's so gritty? Dark? Harrowing? ALREADY???

Re Nicki: Oh I BET Armand will tell the story with Nicolas (and his hands and subsequent death) a bit differently. I mean... Lestat wasn't there when Armand restrained Nicolas and chopped off his hands... an event already foreshadowed in season 1.

So if the "nails" observation holds, then that could be that scene. Nicolas mad, restrained, and then... (otherwise it could be the kidnapping, as theorized before).

I do not think they will change the turning (of Nicolas). I think they will omit Gabrielle (in s2) - but Nicki's and Lestat's relationship (and especially the fallout after turning) is too important in the grand scheme of things to change it. However, of course it will be interesting to see how Armand perceived it! (And since we know they play with the POV's...)

And yes, the dangling child's legs ... ugh.

THAT hit me hardest, to be honest. I mean, I know they're fearless, but... it's going to be harsh.

My first thought was that it might be Claudia post surgery, but the skin seems too light (even with given lighting), so... maybe Madeleine's daughter? Sister? Given her and Claudia's relationship (whatever they'll make of it) it seems too fitting to be unrelated.

Now the shot with Madeleine could be connected - the expression would certainly fit - but... I think it's a bit too early to say. There is a lot to fear for Madeleine after all, unfortunately.

And re Louis....

:/ Louis is not going to have a good time next season.

Remember when Jacob said the "Murder Mansion" was one of the happy moments for Louis next season? Yeah....

What did he say in the EW article?

"fresh out of the frying pan into the fire."

There is the infatuation phase for Loumand coming up.

And... then.... :/ (EDIT: that shot of Louis seems to be "revenant era" though, so likely first ep, in Eastern Europe, we'll see.)

[yanderelmk]

Wukong and the Priest Discussion Time (Tripitaka Defense Post)

I was awakened to madness- CW: SEXUAL ASSAULT MENTION SO! I know a lot of you know Lego Monkie Kid, and the show has given absolute bupkis by way of showing Wukong's most important relationship: That with the Tang Priest. It wasn't abusive. It wasn't toxic. The priest didn't abuse and manipulate Wukong. These are common misconceptions that people who don't have all the information want to spread around to make the Tang Priest look bad (oftentimes they're ShadowPeach shippers who can't stand the idea that Macaque was actually a bad person and fiercely want to twist the narrative for their own ends or Wukong fans who refuse to admit that Wukong was extremely dangerous and had the circlet for a reason). That's not to say Sanzang didn't make his mistakes along the journey, he definitely did, but he always came to see Wukong's side in the end. Throughout the journey, there were many times when Wukong was moved to tears at the idea that his master would be hurt or even killed. Their bond become one of mutual respect (and in my opinion love), like the trope of a Knight and his Lady. Here, in these song lyrics Wukong (in my interpretation unless I'm jut flat-out wrong) talks about how despite all of his bad experiences in Heaven, he would rather keep to himself his bitterness because he knows how happy the priest is following along the gods' journey. He wants the priest to be happy, he's letting go of his past gripes for the sake of the man he cares about most. Even here we see how Wukong has this deep fear of losing the ones he loves, that is to say his brother disciples and the priest. His greatest fear is that one day his strength and powers won't be enough to save the people he cares about. Namely the priest who was captured and nearly taken advantage of several times by demons he's had to ask Heaven for help in defeating. I love LMK but it gets extremely frustrating when they sweep all of this aside for the sake of "Is Wukong truly evil? Is Heaven really evil?" drama so people go around thinking Wukong is genuinely as ignorant and incompetent as a sack of bricks. It's no wonder people who don't know JTTW are confused, the show touts itself as being a representation you can watch and get key JTTW beats from but they fundamentally change everything from the ground-up. TL;DR: Wukong and Tripitaka were not the case of an abusive mentor and their manipulated apprentice please remember that and thank you 🙏

[yanderes-galore]

*no clips into your room*

TF2 Miss pauling with Blu medic darling?

From your prompts

32.) "With a little effort, these bleak walls will be a wonderful home for the two of us!"

33.) "You ever think of our future children like I do?"

37.) "We should get married! It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

Lolololol miss pauling the "Woman" of the house

*No clips back into the backrooms*

Of course! Here's some more Miss Pauling content :) Takes place in the same little universe (?) as these concepts:

💜Yandere! Miss Pauling with BLU Medic! Darling Concept💜

💙Extended Concept💙 <- (Short is similar to this concept)

Note: There's times I could feel the anger of Darling when I was writing so I hope I translated that well :) Short but I got the point across!

Yandere! Miss Pauling Prompts 32, 33, 37

(Ft. BLU Medic! Darling)

"With a little effort, these bleak walls will be a wonderful home for the two of us!"

"You ever think of our future children like I do?"

"We should get married! It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Isolation, Kidnapping, Forced relationship, Manipulation, Darling is close to mind break, Drugging, Betrayal, Punishment mention, Marriage mention, Mentions of having children, Delusional behavior, Pauling is oblivious to the pain she causes you, Violence mention/Wanting to harm others, Panic attack mention.

"With a little effort, these bleak walls will be a wonderful home for the two of us!"

That phrase still echoed in your head from when you were first brought here. Even now the white walls of the appartment looked bleak and sad. No matter how many decorations Pauling puts on the wall it was still a prison.

You still remember your old occupation. You used to be a medic for BLU team. You had a team you loved very much.

Then you met Pauling. She was sent to check your team's bases to make sure they were all working well. Then she decided to speak with you, claiming you were different than all the rest.

It was all so innocent back then. Just you, your team, and your lovely birds. Sometimes you chatted with Pauling as she became a frequent visitor. A new friend is a nice change...

That is until your new friend confesses she has an obsessive romantic attraction to you...

Then when you decline... she drugs you and brings you to your very own boring bird cage, like the birds you took care of.

Pauling kept you in an appartment. She took you from your job and sat you in a tiny space filled with nothing but fear, sadness... and betrayal. You yearn for freedom... anything for fresh air and sunlight.

Pauling left for hours at a time. She had a job to do and it made you bitter to think that she may be returning to your team like nothing happened. The idea made you grit your teeth.

She acted like life was so happy now that she found you. You wanted to scream and cry at her. You weren't happy! Was trapping someone to keep them for your own sick desires healthy and happy!?

It made you angry. You hated being babied. You hated all of it! You hated her!

You always hold your tongue. Why? You know better. If you acted out then she'd take your only enjoyment out of life, your birds. Then she'd chain you up like it was doing you both any good.

You didn't want to do all the tasks she assigned. She made you cook, clean, care to her every need like you weren't a human. She did the same, but it wasn't loving.

You were still trapped. You were still treated as a pet. Anything she did was never considered good in your eyes.

You were happy, before all of this! Who did you make mad to be put in this situation? What made you deserve these walls and deafening silence.

All you did every day was pace back and forth in the small appartment. You chat with your birds as though they understand your pain. You even apologize to them if they ever felt similar with you.

Your thoughts never felt clear. You were always overwhelmed by a sense of dread. You always dread it when Pauling comes home....

You two would make food and eat. You'd then sit together and chat. Pauling would then spill more of her fantasy into your ears, neglecting how you felt about anything. You always held your tongue.

When Pauling, your lover holding you at metaphorical gun point, came home... it was back to being her plaything. You had to force yourself into your role, you had to forget your previous life. She always hated it when you brought up being a medic.

"We should get married! It's been long enough, hasn't it?"

That question alone would make your gut lurch. It was another thought that echoed in your head like painful white noise. The thought of marrying your captor made you sick.

All so no one would know where you were.

Pauling would go on and on about marriage. The outfits... the rings... yet it's never a public wedding. It's always something small and private.

Her delusions make you sick. Sometimes when she's away you cry about it. It's the only thing you can do.

That question was nothing like the other question she asks at times, usually when you're both in bed late at night.

"You ever think of our future children like I do?"

Thinking about it even now makes you ache. Regardless on if you both can have kids or not, she brings it up. She has a stupid smile on her face the whole time.

Those questions haunt you even now, pacing back and forth in the appartment like a dog waiting for its owner. Marriage... kids... you felt anger boil in your veins like magma.

Hold your tongue... for the birds... for yourself.

You just wish you could wake Pauling up from her delusions. She never used to be like this. You didn't care if it took attacking her to wake her up.

She needed a wake up call...

You lean on a wall, trying to even your breathing. You had no idea you were panicking until you stopped walking. You wished you were a medic....

Your body jumped when a knock on the door was heard. Calming your composure, you walked back to the couch to greet her. You sit down and take a deep breath.

When the door opens, you smile.

"Honey, I'm home!"

You greet her, balling up your emotions and shoving them into a dark crevice within you. It's time to listen... again...

No matter how fake your emotions are, you tell her you missed her...

It was time to play your role once again.

[eamonorus-blog]

The meaning behind Ellies final words.

The Last of us 2 portrays how it wants us to interpret Ellie's final words at the end of the first game. It wants us to believe that she believed Joel but had doubts.

But I have a bunch of issues with this. Lets go through them.

Firstly, this is all under the assumption that her NUMBER ONE priority is to save the world. That that is how she feels, and that is what she would have acted on. Since that is why she is upset with Joel, that he took that choice away from her.

However, throughout the first game that isn't how she acts. First, in tlou both her and Joel aren't at all assuming that this will end in her death, Joel assumes it will just be taking blood, or something like that. So, it's not like Ellies willingness to go along with the quest is some kind of death wish inherently.

Secondly, there are multiple times, but two in particular, at which Ellie puts herself in danger, and thereby puts the cure at risk. And both times it is to be with/save Joel.

The first time is leaving Sam and Henry, who were in a position to escape, to help Joel, who was in danger of being shot at imminently.

The second is when she ran away after realising that Joel wanted to give the job of taking her to the Fireflies to Tommy.

People forget this, but Joel is 100% right when he berates her for this and calls her stupid. Sure, he is doing it because he cares about her as a surrogate daughter, not about the cure, but still. The fact is that she put herself in danger for no reason. And not even to help Joel, just so he wouldn't leave her. Joel protests that Tommy knows the area better, and she blows this off.

Why? Surely this is true? Is she mad because she sincerely believes that Tommy would do a worse job at keeping her safe? I don't interpret the scene that way at all. The way I see it, she is blowing this off as an excuse because she knows the idea that Tommy would be better for the job isn't the real reason that Joel wants to get rid of her. It's because he is afraid of losing Sarah again. And she wants him to overcome that fear so that they can stay together, and she is willing to risk her life (the cure for all mankind) to get that.

So her whole motive her in what she has done is to make sure Joel doesnt abandon her. NOT to stay alive for the cure, and NOT because she thinks Tommy isnt capable of getting her there.

This is also tied up in the way that Ellie is always the one to push for Joel to open up throughout the whole story. She pushes him to talk about Tess, he shuts that down, she pushes him to talk about Henry and Sam, and he shuts her down. She pushes him to talk about Sarah, he shuts that down too.

SHE, NOT JOEL, is the one who continually pushes for their relationship to grow, and who makes decisions that puts her in danger to keep them together. Remember, ostensibly the whole reason for this in the first place was to get her to the Fireflies, and that is something that Joel is happy to complete while remaining emotionally detached and closed off.

When, right at the very end, Joel lies to her, why is he doing that?

I think we all know why, its because he knows she would feel guilty and want to go back if she knew the truth, she would want to make the sacrifices of all the people who got infected and had no choice but die worth it.

I don't think there is much room for interpretation that that is why Joel is doing it. I think it's safe to say that it isn't just because he is afraid that she would hate him for killing the Fireflies. It's because he is afraid that she wouldn't be able to live with knowing that she wasn't able to complete her mission when it was possible for her to do it.

Y'know, everyone goes on about Joel being retconned to be stupider in tlou2 to make his death pausible. But in a more subtle way, I think that Ellie was retconned to be stupider too.

The way she turns away from him in the car, the way that she looks down briefly before saying "ok" to me it all speaks to the fact that she KNOWS that he is lying.

She is way too smart to buy his story, why would she be in surgical clothes if what he said was true? She has instantly seen through his deflections and half truths in the past.

Remember the end of the Left Behind DLC?

Riley says that they can either end it quickly or fight for every moment they have left together. And that is what she does at the end, as I read it.

Here is how I see it. Joel is lying so that Ellie doesn't have to feel the guilt of surviving, and she sees through it. However, the choice is made now, and it can't be taken back. And she now has a choice too. To reject what he did and go back to try and die, or to accept what he did so she can continue to "endure and survive".

And survival is indeed one of the main themes of the game. What "The last of us" will continue to do in order to stay alive.

Joel lied to keep her alive, and she accepted the lie in order to stay with him. Not only does this make sense, but it's just a better story imo.

It makes her a stronger character. Compelling characters are those who make active choices, and knowing that he is lying but accepting the lie anyway is an active choice, thinking that he is telling the truth and believing him despite doubts is less active to me.

It is also more consistent, since as I said, throughout the game she jeopardises the cure, her life, in order to save Joel/continue to be with him. If the way that tlou2 interprets the scene is correct, she is stupid for not realising Joel was lying, she is going against her ACTIONS throughout the first game, not her words. (since yes, I do acknowledge that she insists she wants to see this mission through to the end after the Giraffe scene) Instead of her implicitly sharing the burden of what Joel did, by accepting an obvious lie, instead she becomes a victim of Joel's lies. It makes her a more passive character, and a less compelling one. In fact, I think that the final scene of tlou is at its most compelling if it is seen as a kind of test by Ellie right from the start, instead of a genuine attempt to discover the truth. After all, she explains about how all the people who have died from infection haunt her, and how she feels like she doesnt deserve to live, like her immunity is unearned. Why would she be talking like this if she believed Joel? She is talking as if going back and finishing the job is still an option, which according to Joels lie isn't an option, since dozens of immune people haven't gotten the Fireflies anywhere. Her challenging him like this only makes sense if she already knows what he has said isn't true. Like with so much of the excellent dialogue in tlou though, she doesn't come out and directly say this. She simply implies it and then asks him to swear he is telling the truth. The way I read this, is that she knows he isn't telling the truth, and he knows that she knows, and she knows that he knows that she knows. So, what is really being asked here, is if he is going to insist on the lie and refuse to allow her to go back and sacrifice herself. And by saying it's true, he is saying that he is insisting. And she accepts this. She wouldn't feel able to stay alive just for herself, but she can do so for him. I could go more into how I feel like the tlou2 interpretation of what that final "ok" meant doesn't work, but that's enough for now.

[wmf]

*unrevised*

I remember my first love, he was the boy that moved into the rental across the road. We both had trampolines in our yards and would occasionally say hi to one another when we would go outside. It was fourth grade when I walked into my class with a high mohawk and awkwardly sat next to me. I spoke little English but we would sign at each other to communicate better. Even when he was moved into a different class we remained friends until 5th grade when we finally got into the same class and our friendship bloomed. I kept my crush a secret since all of my friends liked him but a friendship was much more valuable than anything that year. That year I stopped talking to a lot of people but not him, he stayed through it all and listened to me when I needed someone. This continued through 6th grade where he would help me with small deeds and favors. He would make me mad, happy, sad, and all the feelings in between but he was still the same friend. Until he moved one day I learned through one of our mutual friends that his lease ended and he moved away. I tried reaching out to him through Facebook but would always end with a "delivered" and would just forget I ever texted him. Until one day he finally replied, and we began texting and calling as if no time had ever passed between the last conversation and the message. I remember him telling me he was interested in a girl and as much as I wished it was me, I knew he was talking about someone else. I helped him pursue her and indeed he won her heart. According to him, he was madly in love with her at the ripe age of 14, but those were the years people thought they found their true love. I stayed friends with him during the start of their relationship and even got requested by his girlfriend, not having any malice I accepted it thinking we would be friends as well, but instead got accused of flirting and trying to sabotage their relationship. I tried reasoning with her but her lack of understanding led to me arguing with her and the decision of girlfriend or friend came up and I was immediately removed from all socials. He sent one message before ultimately ending the friendship, to take care of myself and good luck in life. I was devastated he chose her over me, how I had known him for all those years but she who met him less than a year got him to leave me. It took me a while to get over what happened and my friends would try to motivate me to not push people away, but the fear of them easily replacing me would always be there. A year or two later he finally replied to my blocked messages which I would occasionally send messages to as a keep safe (obsessive, I know) and I finally got a reply, which was an apology for his ways all that time ago and although I accepted his apology, it was a half-assed apology only to make him feel better. He was still with her at the time of the text message but I found out a few months after that message they broke up. He's with someone else now, but I wonder if he ever cherished our friendship, he might've not seen it as a first love story, but he was mine. A one-sided first love, a platonic friendship.

A few years after his apology my best friend told me about her knowing everything that happened since he texted her as I argued with his girlfriend. She hated that he chose her over me, but he told her he still cared about me and he knew I was having problems at home but he knew he could trust her with me and to take care of me. He knew he was gonna lose me forever by choosing her but he wanted to show her he was being serious about her and sacrificed our rekindled friendship. It sucked to hear but it helped a little that he wanted to set things up for me to know I won't push everyone completely out. Unfortunately, I'm not friends with her anymore, so it wasn't worth his time after all. Regardless of that, thank you for being my first love CC.

This song has nothing to do with the story but I listened to it a lot the year we rekindled our friendship.

[a-buruhamu]

Brain Dump 04262024

I think I'm losing it. I almost started crying at work while watching an episode of "911," where people are haunted by the ghosts of the past. It made me think of my ex, who I broke up with 3 years ago. He randomly messages me from time to time. I had many reasons for leaving. My ex, who loved me despite me being closeted, wanted us to live a life on our own. However, I didn't want to deal with us being financially unstable and I felt they were so unprepared to take on the burden with no career or savings. On top of this, I had an overwhelming resentment for how different their experience was compared to mine. They are very social and out person, whereas I could not fathom a life where I was out. I still can't. I'm already 30 and I can't bring myself to chase after the things I want. I gave up so much to protect myself. I gave up love. I gave up happiness. FOR WHAT? I find myself in a job I don't want, with a nonexsitent social life, parents and family pressuring me into a conservative, religious life, a pressure to conform to society's expextations, crippling anxiety and fear, all the things I used to express myself with like music and art gone, a degree I thought I wanted, living alone in an apartment thinking I believed would solve all my problems, that I would feel more free, free to pursue the things I want, but I am just as stuck as I was living in my parents house. I am so unhappy, so alone, so afraid. I'm so upset. I'm mad. Mad at myself for not waking up sooner. Mad at that guy from high school telling me that he had a big crush on me back then in this moment where I find myself at my lowest. Why didn't he tell me sooner? Maybe it would've motivated me to fix my life sooner. What if it was all a iie? What if he was just horny and he just wanted to see what it would be like to fuck that guy he knew in high school? So he can say that he did... God, why are all my emotions suddenly coming out? Is it because I just broke up with my therapist and now I just feel completely alone now? Ugh I'm reliving how alone I felt when I broke up with my boyfriend. I had no one to talk to. No one to tell. Even when I tried to reach out, people thought it'd make me feel better to tell me, "Oh he wasn't worth it anyway. He was a queer weirdo not worth your time; not someone you could bring home to your parents, hypothetically speaking." But I loved him. I loved how much he loved me. He was there when I first dislocated my shoulder; the first of four. I still remember staring at him in the ER. I loved that he was there; that he was mine, that he worried about me. After my injury, I was forever his "Lego boy." It made me so mad and so happy that he called me that. All this to say, I think I'm afraid to let all of the memories go. Although I have no desire to be in a relationship with them again, I think part of me is afraid to move on in fear that it will nullify all the beautiful moments we had together: doordashing together during the pandemic, long summer drives with him as my passenger princess, staring into each other's eyes the first time I dislocated my shoulder and feeling overwhelmingly in love with him, dancing in front of Raley's on Howe Ave alone together on New Year's Eve after smoking hookah with friends, feeling so free holding hands and walking together in the Castro, the several times people have told us we looked like a cute, happy couple, Halloween night sitting at the Castro Coffee Company watching passersby in costumes. Will I have that all with someone new? Can I handle making new memories with someone new? Why is it so hard for me to move on? Why is it so hard to let go? The days where I look back on these memories fondly with no regret seem so far away.

[chartreuseschaos]

Dear Dad

Thanks to you I have no idea what it feels like to have a father, because you decided to leave when I was a baby. My mom cut your face out of all the pictures so I had no idea what you looked like for a long time. When I was a little older, you'd try to visit, but my mom forced me to hide in the hallway with her and pretend no one was home. My mom tried to instill fear, she said that you were abusive and unreliable because of your mental illnesses. I remember visiting you in prison once as a child, I think that might have been the first time I ever saw you actually, I said bye daddy as I left because I felt forced to do so, but I think it made you happy at least. Around my early-mid teens you were suddenly there, in the flesh, visiting me, giving me gifts, but it all felt empty and surreal because you were a stranger to me. Having my mom go from forbidding me to even see your face, to nonchalantly have you over for a visit is extremely confusing. Within that time period, I really wanted to go see Rammstein in concert but my mom didn't have money for the trip, so she told me to ask you, I told her I didn't want to do that, but she insisted it would be okay, so I did and we did have that trip, but low and behold years later you used it as excuse to get mad at me over, insisting that I was a leech, when it wasn't even my idea. You also got mad at me for never visiting you, and on my 18th birthday you send me a petty card expressing this, which I happened to read out loud to the family, as we do, do you have any idea how much you embarrassed me that day? I spend my entire birthday crying in my bed, boiling with mindnumbing rage. One father's day a couple years ago, I tried to find you a present in the store and planned to visit you, to try and rectify our relationship. I walked through the aisles at least 3 times and realized I had no idea what you liked, and decided not to go through with my plans at all. Sometimes I do wish I could just talk to you. I could explain that I am autistic and struggle interpersonally, communicatively, and emotionally, and that I wasn't nearly as self aware as a teen as I am now. Despite my own shortcomings, it was still really unfair of your to expect me to just treat you like my dad when you never showed me what a father was supposed to be. It was unrealistic of you to assume that we could begin any type of relationship, without you apologizing and explaining first. You don't even know that I am a different gender than you thought. I don't know how you will react to any part of me, because I don't know you, and that's what scares me, not your mental illnesses. In fact I think we have some of them in common and it would be nice to talk about them. I can understand how frustrating this whole situation must be for you, but I do think you made a lot of poor and unfair choices. You can't just leave your child alone for 14 years and then return as if nothing happened. I was overwhelmed and disoriented. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in this situation. Not to mention the other stuff I was dealing with. Depression, bullying, high levels of stress, an unstable and unsafe home environment which yes, you did contribute to, by bashing our window in once, because I quote, you wanted to sleep over, you know we have a doorbell right? And yeah, my mom had tons more of those types of boyfriends over weekly. I was, and still am deeply traumatized by all of what has happened to me, stuff which I would be too long and too gruesome to get into right now. I grew detached from reality, and parts of me that were supposed to form just didn't, like my ability to form attachments to other people, my emotional capacity, my trust. I am a hollow broken shell of a person, and you had a part in that too. So congratulations to you, happy Father's Day.

[hikarielizabethbloom]

Damn! Macy is so in love! It’s amazing to see her this happy! 

[catboyyukineapologist]

NORAGAMI CH 100 THOUGHTS

guys I'm crying I'm genuinely crying actual tears. I was gonna make a "surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me" joke but it's no time to jokE. TOO MUCH IS HAPPENING.

And as a lot of people saw coming this appears to be the final arc🥲 it's sad but I'm glad that the story seems to have been allowed to run its natural course and adachitoka got to tell the story they wanted to tell (and boy, what a story). Bittersweet, but let's all enjoy this final arc together! I'm terrified!! What on earth is going to happen!!! How do all the loose ends get tied up????

anyway we're here and I am back on my bullshit under the cut...! Be warned: This is a long one.

(I went off about Father and his children again please someone take the keyboard away from me)

-

Sakura is the tree of spring, huh?

as you may imagine I AM UNWELL

fast-moon dropped this one while I was on a date and when I saw that notification I had to stop, process it and explain to my date what was going on because that is how much despair it caused me. (And I hadn't even read the damn thing yet)

Why is it only now clicking for me that there is a CLEAR OBVIOUS MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP between the names Yuki / Haru / Sakura.

Smarter people than I probably have and will speak more (and better) on everything going on with names and wordplay and Yato fighting and being nearly killed by Yuuki on the same hill where he buried his body and letters, but I will just say that it hurts and it made me cry ambiguous, confusing, sad-happy tears.

That entire section looked so pretty and Yato and Yuki looked so tiny and I'm just🥺

Yato with the GRAVE TALK. He is dangerously close to fucking around and finding out. (O como decimos en mi rancho, a dos de acabar muerto por jugarle al vergas)

SHIIGUN IS BACK BABY BOY IS HERE I LOVE HIM LOOK AT HIM GO

why are those dragon ayakashi so cute i want to keep the tiny one as a pet.

BISHA

SHE

WHEN SHE AT THE

WHEN SHE

Nyappy's Kuraha theory is gnawing at the edges of my sanity again it would seem (please will someone bully me into finishing that damn ficlet wip before the manga literally ends)

"The same as me not wanting to use Kazuma" Oh boy. Oh man. Oh honey you got a big storm coming.

OH NO NOT IMMEDIATELY

Kinuha beloved I missed her<3

Kitty cat. Kuraha prefers to be a lion than a human confirmed.

Ah yes, finally some good, old-fashioned, straightforward punches directly to the gut. (also that panel is just beautiful, man)

Oh don't come now with the "you'we impowtant two me" shut the FUCK up, old man. Boo fucking hoo your child you abused doesn't love you:( too bad so sad suck it up worstie<3

Ok now that that's out of the way. He makes a valid point- from his point of view, at least. From what we have seen of his backstory, Yato was created by a wish born of his deep feelings of injustice, of being left behind to die by the world and the gods ("You were my prayer"). TO him, Yato has always been a tool he had a right to, he deserved, to "cull the herd", to take back the power he believed was for him and taken away. Yato was Father's lifeline in a similar fashion as Father was his. He was his precious means of justice until he wasn't anymore. And he loved him in the same sick and twisted way he loves Mizuchi for very similar reasons. Again from what we know up until now, I fear it might be all he knows, love for someone as a means to an end; but I'm afraid we just won't know that until we learn more about his relationship to Kaya (vibrating with excitement As We Speak).

Oh no. Ohhh no. There is so much to unpack from Nora and Kazuma at the end oh NO.

Hey yeah remember that old theory I had that got debunked a bunch in the last couple of years where I talked about hafuri being immune to GGS and roped Kazuma into my examples? well lookie here guess we'll find out sooner rather than later won't we? :)

I mean, Kazu is like double-sealed though so it should be fine, right?

Right, guys?

Nora baby honey child PLEASE I'm so sorry you have been made to feel this way. It hurts my heart that it's all she knows as well. She only knows how to be a tool, and that's the entire meaning of her life- the only way she understands love, just like Father. Her father gave her a name and a purpose, and that is the most important thing to her; she will go to the ends of the earth and betray everyone and everything else because that's her father. He basically made her. But child, please, that's not it:( I want her to go back to Hiyori and learn what unconditional care and love is please:(( Get yourself an older sister like Yuki did I prommy there's more to existing than just being used and thrown away every time:(((

So yeah! i leave you with your monthly(!) reminder that trash dad is uh. huh. maybe leave father and son be for the time being actually they seem to have some issues to figure out.

[mulletmitsuya]

I feel so bad for Sanzu, I mean he's done a lot of shit so he's probably gonna go to jail, but it makes me so sad that that event fucked up so many parts of his life. I'm just thinking about how he must have felt when he saw Mikey and Baji move on from what happened and live their lives normaly. (in his eyes yk, pretty sure Baji wasn't taking what happened well, and idk what Mikey was thinking, he probably punished himself) and I thought he was manipulating Mucho when he told him that he wished he always has a big brother like him, bit it seems as if Haru really just wanted someone who cared for him (he still could have been manipulating him tho, not sure)

and I feel so sorry for everyone involved like poor Baji. he tried to help, we can see that from the bruises on his face and stuff, but he must have felt so guilty about the situation. I wonder what happened to him and Haru's relationship. did he distance himself because he was guilty?? i keep thinking about the relationships he's made and how fucked they end up being, except Chifuyu, he must have been like the only normal friend he made under normal circumstances.

after I read the chapter I was really mad at Takeomi. but he was also a teenage boy who had to raise two kids. It wasn't suppose to be his responsibility and he probably did the best he could. he tried to make Senju "act" right (cause back then girls had to act like girls ig), but probably didn't realize how he was making Haru feel. and like the trauma for Senju?? imagine blaming your brother for breaking a toy and he gets slashed in the face. like????? it was an act of fear, and something probably everyone has done, but the fact that that tiny choice affected so many people is so unfair on her behalf. the consequences of her mistake (that literally EVERY child has made) were horrible and she didn't deserve that.

and Mikey? I just- I just don't know. I don't think I'll ever stop liking his character. I'm too invested in him. I wanna know why he's like this. I wanna know how he feels when he loses himself. does he remember the shit he does?? seeing him try so hard and fail over and over again has made me sick to my stomach. will he ever be happy again? will he be able to redeem himself? I'd like a deeper dive into his and Haru's relationship and what they think of each other.

so many kids were failed here and we see the cycle get repeated over and over again. I thought this chapter would answer most of my questions but it kinda left me with more. I kinda also wish Takemichi and Takeomi's reactions were a bit....more yk? like idk

anyway this is messy as hell but I just wanted to get my shit out there. I wonder if Haru's gonna get redeemed along with Mikey.