#remember when doctor who invented gay people?

[terranceholdsapencil]

I wish gay people were real

[bexorok]

Poorly written Sonic Movie 3 pitch/outline

I’ve never really written anything in a script format, but I had so many thoughts about the next movie that I had to write them out otherwise my brain would actually explode. I’m kind of bouncing around with scenes I think should be in the movie as well as character introductions. Hope people find some enjoyment out of these!

This is the first couple of scenes I wrote out. I also had a little blurb about the opening credits, but it’s kind of just what the rumored trailer for Sonic 3 reviled at cinamacon was, so there’s not much point of it. Basically, Robotnik now looks like his original game design, and that’s all you really need to know

Introduction Scene

interior, prison island

Sirens are blaring and red lights are going off. We see automated doors closing, followed by an explosion. When the smoke settles, we see Stone and Robotnik together in a walking mech, destroying all doors that close in front of them. Military robots fight back but can do nothing against him.

They enter a final room at the end of the corridor. Inside we see a capsule that’s completely sealed.

Robotnik: We've hit the jackpot, Stone! Right inside this capsule is the key to ultimate power, and finally destroying that pesky hedgehog and his friends once and for all! I will finally have the power to rule over this world, and even more!

(Insert gay pining from Stone, we all know it’s canon)

Robotnik instructs Stone to search the files for the password to enter. He scrolls through the data for a moment before he comes across something.

Stone: M-A-R-I-A … really? A 5 letter password is protecting the key to ultimate power?

Robotnik: Remember Stone, this dusty bucket of bolts is over 50 years old. They were simpler times. Password decoders weren’t even invented, and our current program probably wouldn’t run on this hunk of junk.

He pauses a moment, seemingly thinking back.

Robotnik: Maria, huh? Haven’t heard that name in a long, long time. Still, I wouldn’t have thought of my grandfather as the sentimental type.

He walks over and types in the password. The capsule opens with a cloud of smoke, and an orange light reveals a figure not unlike Sonic’s. His eyes open and glow red as the restraints around him detach.

Robotnik and Stone stare in awe as he steps out. He kneels to the ground on one knee.

Shadow: I am Shadow, the ultimate lifeform, created by doctor Gerald Robotnik. You have awakened me, which can only mean you seek the ultimate power.

Robotnik yells in exasperation: Yes! Finally, a creature who knows its master! Welcome to the team, Shadow the hedgehog

The camera zooms back, revealing prison island, going further until it shows the entire earth, zooming further to reveal space colony ARK. The rendition of “live and learn” from the original trailer plays as the logo for the movie is finally revealed, with ARK shown just underneath.

Cut to an overview of Green Hills, where we see the blur of sonic, quickly followed by tails and knuckles, all laughing and whooping. They go through the forests and mountains of Green Hills, eventually getting to the peak of a mountain top, where Sonic jumps off and is caught by tails. Knuckles follows, gliding next to them. They fly over a house, where we hear Tom shout to them.

Tom: Dinner is ready! Get here quick, before all the burgers and hotdogs are gone!

They all fly down, landing in the backyard, where Tom has the grill set up. At a table nearby, we see Maddie, Rachel, Randel, JoJo, and Ozzy sitting down. Tails quickly flies to a tree house connected to the garage.

Tails: Just have to grab something!

Knuckles steps to the side of the yard, opening what looks like a cellar door.

Knuckles: I will join you all in a moment. I must double check the emeralds status.

Tails flies back from a window in the tree house, carrying with him a gadget.

Tails: It's fine, Knux, we would have gotten an alert if anything happened to the emerald.

Knuckles: Fox, I trust nothing but my own eyes to confirm if the emerald is safe or not.

He opens the doors and goes down a dark flight of stairs.

Maddie: Let him go sweetie, you know how he gets when he’s away from the emerald too long.

Tom: Sonic, do you mind getting the plates from the kitchen?

In a flash, sonic runs inside the house and back again, setting a plate in front of each person at the table.

Tom: Thanks pal!

Maddie nudges Rachel, nodding her head.

Rachel: Alright, I’ll admit it, the weird little alien things are starting to grow on me, especially considering how much JoJo likes spending time with them. But I still don’t know if I want to move to this town.

Sonic: aw, come on, Green Hills is the best town ever! Pulse as long as we're here, it’ll be the safest town ever.

Tails: That's right! We’re patrolling every day, looking for signs of danger! And for the chaos emeralds, of course.

JoJo: Oh yeah, have you guys found any yet?

Tails: (laughs awkwardly) well, not yet. But as soon as I’m done with my tracking device, we’ll be able to use it to hunt them down!

He shows them the device in his hands. It has a radar map on it with a single, large blinking light next to the yard.

Tails: right now it can only detect the master emerald, but once we find a chaos emerald, I can use its energy frequency to find other similar frequencies.

JoJo: Wow! That’s so cool! Mom, can I help them look for the emeralds too?

Rachel: Woah, woah, woah. No way young lady, I can not have you running around the world, you’re still just a kid.

JoJo: but mom! Tails is, like, 8! I’m two whole years older than him! Why can’t I go on cool adventures?

Randal: because, you’re still a *human* kid. You can get hurt a lot more easily than these guys can.

Rachel: hold up, do you mean to tell me that that little scientist who makes bombs and guns is only 8?

Maddie: We were surprised too. You’d have no idea any of these guys were so young if you didn’t ask.

Sonic: mom! We aren’t that young! I’m 14 now, I’m basically a grown up.

Maddie: Okay, Mr. grown up. But most grown ups don’t like getting tucked into bed every night.

Sonic: MOM!

Everyone at the table laughs, and Tom comes to the table with a plate of hot dogs and burger patties. Maddie looks over at Tails, who is still tweaking with his tracker.

Maddie: Miles Prower-Wachowski, what did I say about gizmos at the dinner table?

Tails: oops, sorry mom!

He puts the radar down, where the camera zooms in on the blinking light. We then fade to the room in the cellar. An automated door with an eye scanner blocks the way, and we see Knuckles take the last few steps down the staircase. He approaches the door and puts his eye near the scanner. A red laser appears and scans his eye, confirming his identity and unlocking the door. It opens, and inside the room we see a small shrine (designed after the shrine from sonic adventure 1) and resting on it is the master emerald. Knuckles nods in content.

Knuckles: as long as I am here, no harm will come to the emerald ever again.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Another GOS ask/idea.

What if after Travelor Gai's death, a change went over the village and some people started to talk about finding a cure to the disease.

Like it's been hundreds, maybe 1000+ years, no one remembers why Tsunade made the disease to begin with. But the world is changing. They wish to branch out more. More towns and people have been wanting to visit. Trade, make treaties. But they can not expand and be more a part of the world, if they don't find a way to combat this illness.

And Traveler Gai was not the cause of this decision, but he was the final straw. When he entered the village, he was nothing but respectful. Kind. He would regale the village with stories of the road, or other villages and their advancements or follies. He showed a group of men how he hunted and shared the spoils with everyone. He was going to settle down here and the whole village was ecstatic to have him and then...he died... and they knew this couldn't happen again/ keep happening. The world was changing, and they wanted to be a part of it.

Tsunade heard their woes and saw the devastation this particular death hit Kakashi, so she ended up coming with a solution. She couldn't remove the illness for once it was unleashed, it could not be returned. But she had an idea and got some help from neji, and gave a doctor who was working on a solution, a prophetic dream.

And 5-15 years later, the first vaccine was invented. And the people of the town could administer it to all their citizens, as well as any wanted outsider. That way they could keep the village safe, while also allowing new people in.

And a whole new era of medical advancement took place.

See i'm not sure if I'd use Neji because he's very closed with her gifts. He does not like doing prophetic dreams just because he has been misunderstood in the past and it...did not end well.

But I think Tsunade could convince him, and perhaps Hinata helps by pushing her cousin to do it. to help. She knows that he has his own little attachment to the mortal Gai (she has seen the way he watches him and smiles every damn time Gai somehow manages to avoid the future that was laid out for him)

Neji shows up in a mortal doctor's dreams and gives them the direction they need to go to finally find that cure. Perhaps it's a certain plant he shows them, far away from the village but still very attainable.

Maybe it's an animal that they need guidance from, so Neji's blue jay guides them to the animal they need to search out.

Perhaps the answer is in a formula they have already written out but if just slightly incorrect, so Neji nudges them toward that mistake and helps them focus on it until they find the correct answer

the missing piece to complete the formula and start the process on creating a real antidote <3

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG S5 EP3

Yknow what's annoying in canada? Reading and writing dates. Cuz in America it's mm/dd/yyyy and in Europe it's usually dd/mm/yyyy but here it's just unknown cuz we have influences from both places. And I was filling out forms and sometimes it was dd/mm/yyyy and sometimes mm/dd/yyyy and sometimes even frickin yyyy/mm/dd and it was all very confusing. AnyWHO I just needed to say that, we can watch now.

Ooh army people

Poor girlie

DALEK IS SECRET WEAPON HELLO

Churchill in this is mildly dislikable already

Oh look airplanes

Okay airplanes are dead

Lol camo Dalek

I love the pov shots

I just love when people take credit for inventing things that already exist

Dude don't say exterminate

Why doesn't she remember!? Did something change!?

Oof avoidance of the question

Very aggressive talking

Churchill is very stubborn and the Dalek is very suspicious

Churchill really just turns up everywhere

I'd jump too if it just turned up next to me and yelled

Again, love the pov shots

Already going mad then

TESTIMONY?

Oh jeez his hand got shot off and it's all sparky what

Robot dude

How do these dudes just keep coming back, how'd they do it this time

Dude stop being self depreciating

Keep buggering on lol

BOY PUT THAT LIGHT OUT hey I knew that line

That's a cookie

WHY DO THEY KEEP FALLING THROUGH TIME

Oh no the lights are on oh no

Pretty new casings wow

Rainbow daleks

The Daleks are for the gays 🌈

Existential crisis time for scientist robot

It's giving Star Wars

Oh good luck

IT'S DOWN YAY

They have a bomb oh dear

Why does he always get the impossible choice, can somebody else get it for once

Oh poor guy

Oh Amy I love you you get the human experience

The human experience indeed oh wow

Aw forehead kiss

Oh dear they left oh no

... but he's doomed the rest of the universe once again

Oh dude maybe you should start journaling

I guess Churchill is kinda nice then I can like him for now

Awww yay for the robot guy aww

Come along Pond has already become a catchphrase yay

She should, yes

ANOTHER CRACK UGH

[besidesitstoowarm]

"The Lazarus Experiment" thoughts

this episode is stupid and i love it

so it starts with ten dumping martha back at her place until he watches the news and sees lazarus and is like. well. i'll exploit your family connections for one more night. she says "you should be used to tight spots by now" when he parks the tardis and, gay

we meet martha's family again and at least they look like they might be related. her mom looks like her. this is in stark contrast to shows like house md where they just cast completely unrelated black people as siblings

lazarus gets babyfied and starts talking about his childhood, how he survived the blitz. he would've been about 10 during ww2 so it was clearly a pretty formative experience; there is some loose connection w his whole "avoiding death is human" thing, his desperation to further life at all costs. i think in a better, more cohesive story, that could've been a good throughline. i'm not sure what it would have looked like, but i think back to nancy from s1 and what she would do to survive given unlimited resources... i dunno. there is the faintest thread of potential. the "you call feeding on innocent people progress?" "it was a necessary sacrifice" FEELS like a critique of capitalism, given that this invention was meant to be monetized, but i might be projecting since i've been listening to hozier's "but the wages" on repeat the last few days. i would have also liked the story more if it was an "age of steel" type criticism not of scientific advancement but of scientific exploitation. jurassic park type beat. you know

lazarus drops that he was funded/backed by "mr saxon" ;)

the throughline that i DO like in this story is basically how the doctor feels about his own extended life. i think this story is the basis for a lot of interesting ideas about that moving forward (namely the next few regeneration stories, and this season's finale) but it hasn't been explored enough yet to feel like anything except the earliest seed of an interesting idea. "some people live more in 20 years than others do in 80" is a fascinating idea held by a man who is more than 900 at this point. "i'm old enough to know that a longer life isn't always a better one" yes!! i wish that was more apparent by this point in time!! i know this is meant to be filler and that we have a lot more time to get into ten's "oh, i've lived too long" thing but that's the part i liked about it

lazarus's cgi is unreal levels of awful btw. scorpion king WHO. i like the design actually just. the execution. holy fuck

ten trusts martha w his screwdriver!! his belief in her competency is a really nice thing to see, he does treat her as an equal. rose was his partner in crime, his partner in general, but martha is his peer. i love her so much

some weirdo whispers something sus in martha's mom's ear that makes her distrust the doctor, and she later says in her voicemail that the info came direct from harold saxon. not shocked. he loves the mess

so they explode the scorpion king with the power of rocking out on the organ and martha's like "i'm not going to be your little passenger so if i can't be a proper companion i'm staying home" and he's like "okay" and she's mad until he's like "hello, i said OKAY let's GO" i think his actual line is "you've never been just a passenger" or something. the smile and the tuxedo are working so hard here

next time is "42" a story i literally remember nothing about and keep forgetting exists. but then it's bangers all the way down

[cupidsintern]

wyd?

modern au, established relationship, i think nancy's gay

Steve’s on TikTok when the text comes in. He’s doing better lately, good enough that he can get baked by himself and not worry about spiraling. Instead he made a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich and listened to his most recent playlist all the way through like eight times and texted Robin for a while- she’s visiting family, lots of ‘Steve pls come rescue me pls ’- and now he’s on TikTok.

It’s not late-late. But it’s not early. And he knows Nancy and Jonathan are having issues- he heard about it from the kids who don’t get that gossip is not helpful to feelings- but he didn't know they went on a break. Until he gets the text.

10:46pm - 1 New Notification

Nancy Wheeler: Hey

Typing…

Nancy Wheeler: Haven't talked in a while. How are you?

Steve clicks the notif bar. He stares at the text. It’s not like he never talks to Nancy. She’s just not Baby <3 in his phone anymore. Hasn't been for a while. He used to wonder what Jonathan put her as in his phone.

Steve can scroll up to see previous texts- Hey i had a doctors appointment during third did you get the homework outline? And Lucas left his water bottle at our house! Mike has it with him

And, more recently: Happy Birthday! Hope it's a good one :)

But this feels different. This singular ‘hey’ in its own grey bubble kind of puts Steve on edge. He doesn't respond right away, figures he should text Robin to ask if he’s just being paranoid first but- shit she went to sleep didn't she. And while he’s typing out a “Hey when you wake up” message to Robin he gets another notif.

Nancy Wheeler: Jonathan and I are on a break

Then,

Nancy Wheeler: Sorry, I probably shouldn't be texting you haha. Just wanted some company i guess

Steve feels a hot flash of anger. Rolling in his stomach like lava. Jesus he’s too high to be this angry.

He picks up his phone again.

Types out “fuck you” and deletes it and then “thats understandable but maybe you should text one of your other friends” and then deletes it and then types out “why are you texting me we're not friends" and then deletes it and then-

Clicks back, scrolls down, and texts Billy.

You: R u still awake?

Steve gets a response within seconds.

Billy <3: aw do u miss me or smth?

Billy <3: gay

That makes Steve smile. Makes the anger cool down considerably, and he sits up a bit in bed.

You: Yes but also

You: Nancy texted me?

Billy <3: about what

Billy <3: about how she broke up with Jonathan?

You: H o w do you already know that

Billy <3: i know everything. Why’d she text you??

Steve gets another notif from Nancy. He doesn't want to open it.

Luckily, he doesn't have to right away. Billy calls him.

“No one’s home.” Is Billy's opener. “Speak freely.”

“Good evening to you too.” Steve says, relieved to have the sound of Billy’s voice to lean into.

“So what does Wheeler want?”

Steve’s thumb hesitates over the notif bar.

“She said her and Jonathan are on a break and she ‘wants company.’”

“Wow.” Steve can hear poorly concealed jealousy in Billy’s words. “That’s. Wow.”

“Don’t be j-”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Oookay.” Steve laughs a little. He still hasn't opened Nancy’s text.

“Are you going to respond?”

“No fucking way, man-” Steve starts, then another text.

Unread message: I need someone to talk to. I don’t know who else I could ask.

Steve’s brow furrows.

“What happened?” Comes Billy’s voice.

“She, uh.” Steve opens the chat finally. “Hang on.”

You: Hey

You: Seems like you're in a tough spot. Not sure I’m the right guy. Maybe you could talk about it with a closer friend?

Nancy: That’s just it.

Nancy: I don’t have any friends.

Nancy: I have no one else. Johnathon was the last person left I was close with and i fucking blew it. I have no idea what to do i'm lost and confused and i just really really could use someone to talk to.

Typing...

Nancy: Please

“Babe?” Billy again. “Yeah,” Steve exhales. “Nancy, uh. Sounds pretty bad actually.”

“She reeling you in with that act?”

“I don’t think it’s an act, Bills.” Steve sits up straighter. “Something’s wrong.”

He’s typing out a vague enough response when the next text comes in.

Nancy: I think I'm gay

Then-

Nancy: Can I call you?

I think I’m gay.

That’s. Okay. That’s… something. Something that kind of makes sense now that Steve thinks about it, connects a lot of dots Steve didn't know were floating around but.

Jesus, Nancy must be having a heart attack.

“Billy, I have to call you back.” Steve says, then realizes the kind of push back he’s going to get on that.

“Call me back?” High and mighty already. “You can't just ditch me with a ‘call you back’ when your ex is actively weedling her way-”

“She’s not weedling. She’s not doing well and she has no other friends.” Silence. “Please don’t pout-”

“I’m not pouting.”

“Aw,” Steve leans his head into the receiver a little. “If I say you look cute when you pout, will that hurt or help my case?”

“Hurt.”

“Ok, I promise I’ll call you back right after I talk to her.”

“You fucking better.”

Steve says “I love you” before he gets off the phone and is medium relieved to hear Billy say it back.

Steve calls Nancy. She takes a while to pick up. When she does, he can tell she’s been crying.

“You didn’t have to call.” Is the first thing she says. She sniffs right at the end.

“Seemed like you were having. A rough night.” Steve says. Her text hasn't fully sunk in, he’s thinking about all the times she called him crying. How they got more frequent right before the end.

“I shouldn't have bothered you, I’m sorry, you can go.” Nancy’s voice builds a little. She sounds frantic.

Steve can’t really feel soft feelings about Nancy cause all of them just piss him off or ice his blood but. He’s worried. “No, no it’s-” Then Steve hears the background noise. “Dude, are you driving?”

“I- w- yeah.” Nancy sounds a little defensive.

“Oh my god.”

“I just needed to clear my head! I know I shouldn’t have called it just…”

Steve steeled himself for the words he knew were about to come out of his mouth. No matter how much of a hothead Steve could be (not as much as Billy but still), he was still a total pushover about shit like this. “Do you. Want to come over?” Steve asked stiltedly. “If you're, you know, already driving around.”

Nancy sounded relieved when she said yes.

When Steve got outside to meet Nancy’s mom’s car’s headlights, it was raining.

“Hey,” was the first thing he said when she walked up.

Looking at Nancy doesn't do much to Steve anymore. Not the way it used to. Not the way looking at Billy does now.

Looking at Billy feels how Steve assumes people in the way-back-when felt when color TV was invented.

Nancy looks as washed out as Steve thinks she feels.

“Hi.”

“You wanna come in?”

Nancy hesitates. “I don’t. Want to impose.”

“It’s raining, Nance.”

She looks surprised, like she didn't notice. “Oh.” then. “Okay.”

Steve steps back as Nancy walks onto the smooth tile right in front of the front door. It’s quiet enough after the door closes Steve thinks he can hear her hair dripping onto the ground.

“So,” Steve says after a bit. “Did you-”

“I’m sorry.” Nancy says suddenly. But it’s not the panicked little “sorry’s” from earlier, it’s a single, earnest one.

“For what?” “Everything.” More tears are streaming down her cheeks now. “I know I shouldn't have bothered you, I didn’t- I wasn’t a good girlfriend. Or a good friend. I just. I thought maybe I would know who I was if someone else did, but I didn't. And I don’t have anyone else, and I remember when- when you told me you were bi when we were dating and I was weird about it but now i think I was just jealous- because- bec-” Nancy cut herself off, unable to keep going with the tears closing up her throat.

Steve swallowed pretty hard. “Because. You think, you’re gay?”

Nancy sat down on the floor.

“The floors all wet-”

“I know, Steve.” Nancy cut him off gently. He was familiar with the tone.

Steve looked at her, looked at the floor, and opted to sit next to her. The rain was hitting harder on the door behind them.

Nancy didn't seem like she had anything more to say. Steve tried to think of something to ask.

“Why, uh. Why do you think you are?”

“I don’t know if I am.” She said quickly.

“Why do you think you might be?”

She sighed, pushed the wet hair off her face. “You don’t have to talk to me about this. I figure it probably doesn't feel good to hear.”

Steve hadn't thought of that. If Nancy is gay, that means she probably wasn't ever actually into him. Not just after a while, but from ‘go,’ it wasn't the same for her.

“Not great.” Steve admitted. “But. It isn't about me.”

Nancy sighed again. “Why are you so nice?” She mumbled. “Both you and Jonathan.” Then she teared up again.

“I thought maybe.” Nancy started up after clearing her throat. “That I didn’t… feel as much because. I was just with the wrong person.” She glanced sideways, clearly feeling worse with every word. “But. I didn’t. I just. I felt the same. Like something was missing.”

“You always feel like that?” Steve was kind of surprised. “Like, with every relationship?”

“Romantic ones, yeah.”

The rain got louder again. “I was…” Nancy fought to say the next words. “I didn’t always feel like that.”

“With us?” Steve hopes a little. “Or with Jonathan?”

Nancy speaks a little softer, like it will soften the blow to Steve, to herself. “...With Barb.”

Billy was going to give Steve so much shit for falling for Robin and Nancy since it sounded like they were both gay. He already had gotten shit about Robin. “This is a problem unique to bisexuals.” had been Billy’s quip.

Nancy talked a bit more easily after that one admission. About why Barb's death hit her so hard. About why she felt bad for hurting Steve, how confused she was, how alone.

How she pushed everyone away except whoever held the position of boyfriend because she didn't ever feel right around people. But boyfriend seemed. Normal.

Steve was pretty familiar with feeling like he Should Do whatever was ‘normal.’ His parents weren’t exactly pleased when ‘being bi’ turned out to be an actual thing and not just a family conversation they could keep pretending they didn't have.

Nancy was crying again. Said she was sorry again.

Steve hugged her.

It was pretty awkward. He was trying not to touch her too much and her hair got his sweater wet, but she tucked her face against his chest like she always used to.

Something about that clicked. How hugs had always felt closer for them than kisses. How maybe they had been meant to be friends, and just misread the signs.

Maybe they could be friends now. Maybe.

Nancy pulled away and wiped her nose. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

Steve checked his phone to let Nancy fix her face a little and then winced at the sheer volume of messages from Billy that popped up on his screen.

“What’s up?’ Nancy asked, leaning back over.

“Oh, just Billy.”

“Oh god,” Nancy grimace. “He can’t have been pleased I came over.”

Steve opened the messages. “He’s not. But I told him it was important.” “You can. Tell him.” Nancy said tentatively. “If you want. About what we talked about. About me.” Billy was gonna get a kick out of this. But Steve felt more somber about it than Billy probably would.

It was weird.

He’d been in Nancy’s shoes. But he’d also been completely in love with her. So at once he was hurt and sympathetic.

But he also felt. Better.

Something about the two of them, Steve and Nancy, always seemed. Unfinished.

This was probably the close out they needed.

“I should call Billy back.”

“Of course.” Nancy looked almost embarrassed. “I can go-”

“Nah, stay a bit.” Steve was standing up, unlocking his phone to a slew of “wheeler has been on my shit list from day ONE” and “i know you’d never cheat like i know that i'm not crazy but my therapist said.” Makes Steve smile at his phone. “‘I'll make you tea or something."

[lannister-slings-and-arrows]

Chapter Two of See You in the Morning Time

The third in a Rafael Barba/Reader/Frederick Chilton threesome verse written in collaboration with @pascalispretty . Gif by @mrsrafaelbarba . Yep. We did this. Was it necessary? No. Did we enjoy it? Sometimes. Are you going to read it? I sure hope you do and that you like it! Cross posted to ao3!

Part Three of the series So Much Easier than You Realize

Chapter One: A Different Feeling Entirely Chapter Two: Show Me the New

Warnings: Frederick being an anxious (and sad. and repressed) little weenie, discussions of period typical homophobia, bi panic, completely invented backstory (you got on this ride folks lol), Rafael being surprisingly supportive, cuddling, and of course a little bit of teasing Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 2293 Summary: It's not often that Fred instigates anything with Rafael except an argument.

It’s late by the time Fred and Rafael finally make their way to bed. They shower and put pajamas on while waiting for the food to arrive and once they eat, they finish the bottle of wine that Fred had opened earlier and spend the rest of the evening chatting and watching some dumb movie on TV.

Lying in Fred’s bed in his borrowed clothes, Rafael can’t help but smile to himself. After weeks of skittishness from Fred he had finally made it past some of the walls that the doctor had put up. Fred curled close to Rafael while they watched the movie, dragging a blanket over the two of them and cozying up entirely unprompted.

When Fred comes out of the bathroom and flicks the lights off, he’s even more pleased that Fred doesn’t seem to hesitate to lie close to him in bed or reach out for his hand.

“Thank you for letting me stay,” Rafael murmurs, to break the silence more than anything. He hears Fred scoff.

“I was hardly going to kick you out as soon as we were done.” As best as he can, Rafael turns on his side trying to make Fred out in the darkness of the room.

“I know. I just wasn’t sure how you’d feel.” He’s not at his most eloquent or subtle, but he wants to acknowledge what happened between them. “You were… hesitant at first and I just want to make sure you didn’t feel like you had to do this. As of a few days ago you were still pretty clear that you were not comfortable with the two of us having sex.”

Rafael doesn’t want to force a confidence, but he feels like he has to make sure. He’s coming to care too deeply about the arrogant chronically awkward man next to him to just let this go with vague assurances. He hears Fred shift onto his back and wants nothing more than to drag him into his arms and kiss his stupid, conceited face, but he holds himself still and waits for Fred to answer him, giving him the space he clearly wants.

“This wasn’t as sudden as you think it was,” Fred assures him eventually, face still pointed at the ceiling. “I’ve been thinking about this since, you know, that first time.” Rafael can practically feel Fred’s blush from his side of the bed and grins. “And my reticence was never about you, you know that, yes?”

Rafael nods, realizes Fred probably can’t see him, and clears his throat.

“Yeah, I figured as much. I am, after all, a damn catch.”

Rafael yelps as Fred reaches out, faster than he thought was possible for a well-fed psychiatrist who sits behind a desk all day, and smacks him on the chest.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, together in the dark cocoon of Fred’s bedroom, before Rafael sighs. He can’t help but notice the similarities between the blank peacefulness of Fred’s minimalist design and the deliberately organized calm of a therapist’s office and wonders if he did that on purpose. Maybe it’s a natural inclination, he muses idly. It invites honesty. The sharing of secrets.

“I’m only eighteen months younger than Benn, you know,” Fred says eventually, and it’s so unexpected that Rafael finds himself frowning a little in confusion. “All the way through school, I was Bennett Chilton’s younger brother; just the little brother of the handsome quarterback that everyone adored.” Rafael has seen photos of Bennett, tall and painfully handsome. He can see that it might have been hard to grow up in that shadow.

“He came out when he was sixteen, and I was fourteen. And I’m sure you can imagine what that was like at an all-boys Catholic school in Virginia in the eighties.” Rafael winces in the dark. He remembers well enough the attitudes in his own high school, in marginally more liberal New York. He can’t imagine what it must have been like in a place without a visible community to look up to.

“People were mostly smart enough not to say anything to Benn’s face--he was a six foot two starter who never backed down from a fight, they would have had to have been stupid--and our parents were supportive. But the things people said about him behind his back--” Fred shudders, an involuntary shiver that makes Rafael want to wrap his arms around him and never let go.

Instead, he just squeezes Fred’s hand reassuringly and waits for him to continue. For someone who has trouble shutting up at the very best of times--staying silent isn’t Rafael’s forte--he is doing an admirable job tonight. His desire to prove he’s worthy of this unexpected vulnerability from Fred is more than enough to keep him quiet. Rafael is desperate to know more, to know everything about Fred; about what makes him tick, about why he was so reticent, so reserved, when clearly this is something that he enjoys.

“It was awful. The kind of things you never want to hear about somebody you love. And I was hardly in any position to be giving out bloody noses or black eyes whenever someone called him a fag, or made some crack about AIDS.” Rafael shifts slightly nearer, still not saying anything. He smiles to himself when he feels one of Fred’s hands reach up to rest on Rafael’s hip.

“I was a short, scrawny child--I spent a lot of time in the hospital and home sick--and I couldn’t afford to give the other boys in my school one more reason to pick on me so I just… didn’t say anything. I’m not proud of it, but it’s not like Benn had any trouble sticking up for himself. I doubt he would have appreciated anyone stealing his opportunity to get into one more fight anyways.”

Rafael covers the hand Fred has on his hip with his own, deciding now is not the time to joke that he can’t ever imagine Fred as scrawny. Fred clears his throat again and continues in the same calm, rehearsed manner. Like this is something that he witnessed happening to someone else.

“It wasn’t long after that that I had my own month of absolute pure terror and confusion. It was one of Bennett’s teammates from the swim team that actually sent me over the edge. His name was Bobby and he was gorgeous. He had never made any jokes about Bennett, never joked about changing somewhere else in the locker room. He was a little stupid, I can admit that now, but back then I thought he was perfect. I worshipped my brother and this pretty boy clearly did the same.

“Well, I was horrified. Up until then I had been fully and completely in love with a girl I had known practically since infancy. Was all of that a lie? Was being gay genetic? Was Billy going to go through the same thing? It took me a whole month before I had the guts to ask Bennett and I nearly stabbed him with our father’s letter opener when he laughed at me.”

Rafael winces again, knowing how touchy Fred is now, a grown adult well-respected in his professional field and still a little obsessed with slights, perceived and real. Fred huffs, forcing any trace of bitterness out of his voice.

“He told me that you can like girls and boys at the same time and that I should go see if I still liked jerking off to pictures of Jennifer Connolly.” Rafael isn’t able to suppress his snort.

“I always liked Carrie Fisher,” he tells Fred, smiling over at him.

“You would, you pervert,” Fred shoots back. “Probably loved that bikini, didn’t you?”

“I think I’ll plead the Fifth on that one.”

Fred shakes his head and sighs deeply.

“Well, naturally, that was enough humiliation for me for one afternoon and so I threw a throw pillow at him and bolted for my room.”

“Did you jerk off to Jennifer Connolly?”

“Rafael, I can still kick you out of this apartment.”

“Sorry.” Rafael is silent for all of twelve seconds before he asks again, “Come on Fred, I’ve got to know; did you?”

“...Maybe,” Fred reluctantly admits. Rafael laughs and squeezes his hand.

“Moving on from your prurient obsession with my teenaged masturbatory life,” Fred says pointedly, managing to sound arch, offended, and haughty all at the same time. “I contemplated for a while what Benn had told me. A long time actually--that percolated in my brain all throughout the rest of high school. I only ever dated girls, I ignored it completely every time I was even remotely attracted to another boy, but I kept thinking about that. Not only did I have a lifelong conviction that if Bennett said it it must be so, but it just sort of felt right, you know?”

Rafael nods, remembering a similar feeling he had when he was younger. Despite what the other boys in his neighborhood said about “queers”, despite what the Church said, and despite what he knew his father would do to him if he heard Rafael’s thoughts, he was what he was and that was that. Fuck anyone who said different, he remembered thinking. It’s not like he could change it, even if he wanted to.

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” he answers when it’s clear that Fred requires some encouragement to continue. Fred twines his fingers with Rafael’s before carrying on.

“I lived with Benn in college. Our father bought him an apartment in Cambridge the day he got his acceptance letter from Harvard, and it only seemed logical that I’d move in once I got accepted too. And, I don’t know. It was a little easier there.” Rafael thinks he grimaces, but it’s hard to tell in the dark.

“It has been a while though, since I’ve indulged. And I've never participated frequently.” Every word seems like it’s forced out of Fred’s mouth.

“All this to say, Rafael,” Fred murmurs, inching closer across the sheets, “Is that the problem was never you.”

Rafael gathers him into his arms this time. Fred goes willingly, releasing a heavy, shaky breath and clearly relieved to not be talking about this anymore.

“I know,” Rafael reassures him. “I know it wasn’t me. I was just… I don’t know. I was worried.” He smiles, giving Fred another squeeze. “You’re a delicate little flower Freddie, I want to make sure I don’t trample all over you.”

“Get out of this bed this instant.”

Rafael laughs and they settle down to sleep.

***

The three of them celebrate in Rafael’s tiny Brooklyn apartment when Fred returns from Baltimore. He insists that he wants to cook and, though he had his doubts about his equally minuscule kitchen, manages to turn out an incredible ropa vieja. His mother would be proud.

When the empty plates are discarded on his coffee table, stacked haphazardly and waiting to eventually be washed by whoever loses the inevitable game of ‘who had the harder day’, Rafael sinks back into the couch and smiles benignly basking in the praise of the two of them and their company. Four days is starting to become too long to go between times when they’re all together and though he wants to frown at the unpleasant feeling of missing the both of them when they aren’t around he loves it a little bit as well. Every other wandering thought was of the two of them and he can’t deny that it's nice to feel these first desperate stirrings of a relationship again.

“I don’t know how you made all of that, Rafael. I’m pretty sure my cousin Caroline had a bigger kitchen in her dollhouse.” Fred surprises him when he leans closer to Rafael, snuggling contentedly against him. Rafael had told the third of their little trio that he and Fred had finally slept together--hiding things in a threesome was the quickest way to hurt feelings. Everyone was going to eventually do things without everyone involved and it’s best to just let that out in the open--but he hadn’t expected Fred to offer such casual affection so freely.

Rafael catches her looking at the two of them with a soft smile on her face and returns it with one of his own. She hid it well but she was a little disappointed during their FaceTime when he had warned her that Fred might not be overly demonstrative yet. Rafael knew she felt a little--guilty wasn’t the word she would use, he knew, if he could ever get her to talk about it--uncomfortable about how much more open Fred was with her than he was with Rafael. He loves how hard she tries to remind him that Fred is just anxious, cautious, a little scared. Rafael is a grown man and doesn’t need his hand held, but the fact that she tries to anyways makes his heart feel like it’s growing through his ribcage sometimes.

When Rafael looks back down at Fred he looks like he’s about to fall asleep with his head nuzzled against Rafael’s shoulder. He would describe it as endearing until Fred moves one of his hands high onto Rafael’s thigh. Rafael smirks.

“All it took was one night and he’s already falling for me,” he says to her in a stage whisper. Fred is unfortunately still awake enough to jab Rafael in the ribs, settling down only after the air is knocked out of Rafael’s lungs with an “oof”.

“As long as you remember to invite me to the wedding,” she teases. Rafael watches her duck admirably as Fred throws a cushion at her head.

“You’re supposed to throw a bouquet at me, not a pillow!”

[hauntedbythefanficsofmypast]

Hironette

Marinette graduated high school at sixteen before moving to San Fransokyo with Luka. With promises from both Kagami and Chloe that they'd join them in a year. Jagged and Penny both helped them find a home that would fit four. Marinette did not think he would buy them a mansion, but she really should've seen it coming. Their neighbors were the Fredericksons. A wealthy family, that Jagged had known for a while. Penny also helped them with the emancipation papers since both were sixteen and seventeen respectively.

She also helped Marinette set up her new shop right next to the Lucky Cat Cafe. The shop was ready and running after only two months, and Marinette had enough workers that she didn't even need to be there everyday. Luka was her main model while he was on breaks from his concerts with Jagged.

Marinette absolutely adored San Fransokyo, the city was beautiful and had so many places filled with creation energy. She also loved her neighbor Fred, his obsession with heros helped inspire her with a few outfits. Her and Fred hung out anytime he wasn't at San Fransokyo Institute of Science. She was surprised to find out he doesn't attend the school but all his friends do.

Fred loved the awesome girl that lived next door to him. He was constantly telling the crew about her, to the point they pretty much demanded to meet the 'angel who's cooking could end a war'.

Fred- Sure thing dudes! If we head out now we can catch her as she closes her shop! Let's roll!

When they arrive they are all confused on why they are at the Lucky Cat Cafe. Fred just snorts before entering the shop next to the cafe. Loudly announcing himself causing Marinette to leave the back room excitedly.

Hiro's eyes widened as he stepped behind Wasabi panicking to himself.

Hiro-No, no, no! I am not ready to talk to her yet!? Oh my god what do I do!?

Baymax- Your heartbeat is rising to a worrying level, and your temperature is getting higher. Should I set up a doctor appointment?

Hiro- What? No! Baymax I’m fine! I just well, I may have a tiny crush on the girl in there and I am panicking a little.

Baymax- Accessing the internet about crushes. After a brief search, I have determined that the best solution to your predicament is to tell the female your feelings and ask her on a date. Statistics have shown a fifty percent chance that she’ll say yes.

hiro-What-no! Baymax just stop!

Honey, Go Go, and Wasabi stare at Hiro and Baymax for a bit before beginning to laugh silently to themselves.

Honey places her hands on Hiro's shoulders pushing him towards MDC Boutique. She pushes him when he starts panicking again, telling him to just be himself. Marinette slimes brightly at them as they walk in, Fred introduces everyone. MArinette is immediately taken by Baymax when he gently grabs her hand, bandaging a few cuts she from sewing earlier. She gushes over him before turning to Hiro asking all about his primary functions. Hiro stutters at first before launching into a long explanation about Baymax functions and how he was made. By the time he is finished Jagged Stone is already waiting outside for her. Marinette blinks in surprise before inviting them all over for dinner.

Wasabi- We’d love to but we barely fit in my car on the way here.

Marinette-Oh you don’t have to worry about it! My Uncle is waiting for me outside, we can all ride with him!

Wasabi- What do you mean ride with him-is THAT A LIMO!?

Marinette laughed ushering them out before locking the store up. The driver opened the door greeting Marinette politely. She gets in and soon the others follow everyone but Fred, marinette, and Baymax staring at Jagged Stone in shock.

Go Go-Jagged Stone is your Uncle?

Marinette- Well not really but he kind of unofficially adopted me as his niece and it stuck. Jagged meet my new friends!

Jagged- Rock on! Anyone friends with my rockstar niece is welcome around me!

The ride is filled with laughter and jokes until they arrive at the Mansion. Luka and Penny waiting on the steps for them. Once out of the car Marinette gives Lukas a big hug, causing Hiro to frown thinking Marinette was already dating someone.

Penny and Luka greeted them happily before inviting them inside saying dinner was almost done. Marinette introduced everyone and then showed them around the manson. She stopped at their main hangout area allowing everyone to spread out. It was Honey that asked them if Marinette and Luka were dating causing them to both start laughing.

Luka- I love Marinette and her song is so beautiful. However she is not the one for me you see because I assure you everyday I am gay.

Marinette hit him with a pillow laughing telling him to stop rhyming. Before turning to them smiling and saying that they only think of each other as siblings. This piece of information lifts Hiro’s spirits and he begins talking even more to Marinette, unaware of Luka’s knowing smile aimed at him.

Over the next few weeks Marinette spends more and more time with the group. Even going over to the Institute of Science on her off days to see their experiments. Along with visiting the cafe on her lunch breaks and after she has closed.

Her and Hiro grow closer and closer, however neither can find it in them to admit their crush, which exasperates their friends to no end. That is until Marinette and Luka are involved in a terrible car accident on the way back from one of Luka’s concerts. 

A drunk driver blew a red light slamming into the side of their limo causing it to roll twice and land on its roof. 

Their driver is only knocked out on impact with a broken wrist. Marinette and Luka are not as lucky they did not have seatbelts on in the back of the limo. In the end they were violently thrown around the back. Luka comes out of it with a broken leg, left arm and nose sling with a broken rib that pierced his lung. Marinette breaks her leg in three places, three ribs and dislocates her left shoulder. Both of them are covered in bruises and bleeding. 

They are rushed to the hospital and into surgery, while in surgery the Doctors do their best to fix their major injuries before working to pull all the broken glass out of their skin. It was in the surgery that they discovered Marinette had suffered from a spinal injury as well. Jagged and Penny have them put in the same room together, but they don’t wake up the next day, in fact they don’t wake up a week later.

After a few days the Doctor determined that both of them had entered a coma, because of how badly they were injured. Everyone was heartbroken when the Doctor explained that if the two did wake up they may not even remember themselves. Then he tells them of Marinette’s spinal injury, telling them that until she wakes up they wont know if she’ll ever be able to walk again.

They remain in a coma for two months being visited everyday by their friends and family. Hiro visits consistently every day with Baymax always sitting by Marinette’s bed. After a week he begins talking or reading to her, after Baymax says that there are a few reports of people being able to hear what's going on around them the entire time. At one point he confesses his feelings to her begging her to wake up so that he can find out if she feels the same.

Luka wakes up first extremely confused. The only thing missing from his memory is the night the crash happened. Everyone is ecstatic and greets him with hugs and tears explaining what happened. After a few days he begins physical therapy, during one of his sessions Hiro is with Marinette again. This time he is telling her how he felt for her and how he would purposely walk past her boutique before they met just to see her. He holds her hand gently telling her again that he loves her. He is greatly surprised when MArinette’s hand squeezes back weakly. When he looks up at her she is smiling weakly, her eyes barely opened as she responds her voice breaking slightly.

Marinette- I love you too…

Her wake up is met with more tears especially when she realizes she can’t feel her legs. A month later they are released from the hospital both leaving in a wheelchair but only one remaining in it. MArinette is heartbroken and drops into a depressive state for a while, but Hiro refuses to leave her side. He is over every day always sitting by her while drawing up designs for a new invention, something to help Marinette feel independent once again.

Hiro creates a motorized wheelchair that can lift Marinette higher when she needs to grab something. He creates a neural transmitter that is fitted as a headband, with the headband Marinette can move the wheelchair in whatever dissection she needs. He immediately begins building it, with the help of the others. He finishes it a month later and gives it to Marinette smiling nervously. When Marinette moves in her wheelchair she begins crying and thanking him. She begins leaving the house with him more slowly leaving her depressive state. A year after they start dating Marinette introduces the entire group to the Kwami. Tikki absolutely adores them, given that they are all creation souls. Plagg warms up to both Hiro and Fred loving their loud personalities.

Fred goes crazy when he realizes that Marinette was THE Ladybug. Causing Marinette and Tikki to giggle until she points out that Luka was Viperion causing Fred to freak out more.

Luka- I wonder if he is going to react the same to Chloe and Kagami.

This caused Marinette to snort laughing hard, causing the others to join soon after.

Fred- Is seriously no one else totally stoked to find out they are heroes?!

Go Go- Fred you idiot! We were heroes too!?

Fred- Oh ya I forgot, this is still really awesome though! Like when I found out my dad was a hero!!

Marinette- Mr. Fredrickson is a hero?? Huh, I never saw that coming.

@justafanwarrior

[inkdemonapologist]

Well, you have officially dragged me back into the BATIM fandom lol. Just--holy cow--I remember drawing a lot of pictures of the BATIM characters a year ago, wow my art was bad. Anyways, wanted to say that your art is absolutely amazing and wanted to ask if your Sammy will ever just get some therapy? Cause heavens knows he needs it. Sammy needs it, Henry needs it, EVERYONE NEEDS THERAPY

OMG thank u, I don’t know how I keep dragging people in here with me I don’t even understand how I got here myself but WELCOME LMAO IM GLAD UR ENJOYING WHATEVER THIS IS

I was gonna ask whether this was for Escape AU or the Cthulhu crew but IT APPLIES TO BOTH……. they all really do… unfortunately they’re both in circumstances that make it very difficult for them, so they may have to do their best without. More specific thoughts --

As far as Escape AU goes, IIRC the 1960s was when the big backlash against psychiatry was going on -- when the idea that psychotherapy was largely useless, or worse, that mental health professionals were influencing their patients and inventing or creating disorders that weren’t originally there, started getting a lot of traction. So while it’s a better scene than most of the escapees would be used to from the 30s and 40s, there’d be a lot of reasons for them to be wary even in the best of circumstances.

And these aren’t the best of circumstances -- much of their trauma comes from the fact that they were murdered and transformed in the secret underground of a high profile animation company with a combination of dark magic and questionable technology, and sealed away in a time loop for like 15 years. Either nobody believes what really happened to them and they’re treated as if it’s some sort of delusion, or people DO believe it and the spotlight of the unsolved JDS disappearances swings onto the Escape House. BOTH OUTCOMES ARE BAD FOR SAMMY IN PARTICULAR; if they don’t believe him, Sammy’s sense of reality is dodgy enough that well-meaning medical professionals trying to help him understand that none of his trauma actually happened to him would be a bit of a nightmare; if they DO believe him, then Sammy Lawrence, responsible for the ritual murder of several of the unsolved JDS disappearances with only “magical ink told me to” as an alibi, is not going to be a free man at the end of this. 

Maybe they could find things other than the elephant in the room to address; like, I think Sammy could probably find some healing in unpacking and understanding the emotionally abusive relationship he had with Joey Drew, even if he still has to navigate Ink Hell Trauma himself. But then, he’d have good reason to be wary of bringing up a gay relationship, too, so… in general just so much of it would be a minefield for them. There’s probably someone out there who could be safe and helpful, but I can’t imagine most of the crew being willing to try, and for the good of keeping attention off the Escape house, they would probably not consider it as an option unless someone was genuinely impossible to live with.

And then in Cthulhu AU, in the time period where asylums were becoming “mental hospitals,” Cthulhu!Sammy holds tight to the fear that any medical professional discovering he’s trans will ruin his life, so unless he’s rushed to a hospital while unconscious, he would rather suffer than seek treatment for most things. But even setting that aside, the 1930s is uh aLSO NOT A GREAT TIME TO SEEK MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT (lobotomies will become a thing in a couple of years!) and a great time to get experimentally shocked/drugged a bunch if something seems wrong. Sammy has always considered himself a little to the left of sane, but feeling like he is genuinely losing his mind after the various Mythos horrors he’s witnessed is only going to make doctors scarier. 

In the modern day THERAPY IS V HELPFUL AND I RECOMMEND IT IN GENERAL, but for these people in impossible, magical circumstances, there’d be a lot of extra obstacles.

[classprojecttransexperience]

James Barry and Trans history

James Barry was not a woman, although he’s remembered as a woman in history. The evidence that Barry was female at all is very, very sketchy, but that’s getting ahead of ourselves. Dr. James Barry was the first man to perform a C-section during the colonial period where both mother and baby survived. Dr. Barry MAY also have been assigned female at birth, although he described himself as a man for most of his adult life, and got into fist fights and duels with people who insulted his meager height.

James Barry was, by all accounts, an asshole to everyone but his patients, although he described himself as a “gentleman” even in private writings, and to people who knew he had been assigned female at birth. He was loud, brash, unafraid of reprimanding people in front of others (rumored to be the cause of his falling out with Florence Nightingale), and his habit of demanding marginalized people, such as the poor, the leprous, the disabled, and Black people, had the same high standard of care afforded to white wealthy patients earned him many enemies, including powerful ones. Barry also had a penchant for dueling, including at least once with a pistol. Throughout all of this, the only accusations he faced were a claim at one point in his schooling that he was too young to continue as he could not grow a beard, although eventually it was conceded that Barry’s age did not matter as much as his ability to defend his thesis.

Barry had a scandalous relationship with the Governor of Cape Town, Lord Charles Somerset. Somerset was called “Dr. Barry’s wife” during the ensuing drama. If Barry had truly been, as he is often assumed to be, a perisex (non intersex) biological female, one would assume Somerset might have tried to save face by exposing this fact; for some reason, he never did, despite the fact that Barry lived with Somerset for some time, was very close to him, and traveled with him often. To have been this close to another man without being found out is a bit unbelievable in an age before gender reassignment surgeries were common. It is possible that the rumors of the relationship were overblown, and/or that Somerset never saw Barry without his clothes, but again, given the amount of time they spent together it seems a stretch to believe that Barry was secretly hiding a female body without ever being found out.

Dr. Barry did, however, ask to be buried in his bedclothes without being examined when he died. This has been taken by many historians to mean that he knew he would be described as a woman after death. That is exactly what happened--here is a letter, from wikipedia, that Barry’s physician wrote upon being questioned about Barry’s sex: “Sir, I had been intimately acquainted with the doctor for good many years, both in London and the West Indies and I never had any suspicion that Dr Barry was a woman. I attended him during his last illness, (previously for bronchitis, and the affection for diarrhoea). On one occasion after Dr Barry’s death at the office of Sir Charles McGregor, there was the woman who performed the last offices for Dr Barry was waiting to speak to me. She wished to obtain some prerequisites [sic in source, but has to be a slip for perquisites, "perks"] of his employment, which the Lady who kept the lodging house in which Dr Barry died had refused to give her. Amongst other things she said that Dr Barry was a female and that I was a pretty doctor not to know this and she would not like to be attended by me. I informed her that it was none of my business whether Dr Barry was a male or a female, and that I thought that she might be neither, viz. an imperfectly developed man. She then said that she had examined the body, and was a perfect female and farther that there were marks of him having had a child when very young. I then enquired how have you formed that conclusion. The woman, pointing to the lower part of her stomach, said ‘from marks here. I am a maried [sic] woman and the mother of nine children and I ought to know.’ The woman seems to think that she had become acquainted with a great secret and wished to be paid for keeping it. I informed her that all Dr Barry’s relatives were dead, and that it was no secret of mine, and that my own impression was that Dr Barry was a Hermaphrodite. But whether Dr Barry was a male, female, or hermaphrodite I do not know, nor had I any purpose in making the discovery as I could positively swear to the identity of the body as being that of a person whom I had been acquainted with as Inspector-General of Hospitals for a period of years. Yours faithfully, D.R. McKinnon “

So to recap: Historians believe that Dr. James Barry was assigned female at birth, although records of his birth do not exist so we cannot be sure that he even WAS assigned female at birth

Despite rumors of being gay at a time that could have gotten him killed, despite his many enemies, Dr. Barry was never accused of secretly being a woman until his death

Dr. Barry identified himself as a man throughout most of his adult life, including to people who would have known that he was assigned female at birth, had that been the case

Dr. Barry asked to be buried in his bedclothes without being examined upon death Barry was short, could not grow facial hair, and displayed some insecurity about this

The woman who identified Barry as a female upon his death asked to be paid money to keep the story secret

The same woman identified Barry as having had a pregnancy, although we can be almost entirely certain that, as Barry was never missing long enough to have gotten pregnant, and pregnancy surely would have outed him as female, Dr. Barry was never pregnant and the woman who identified him as such was mistaking stretch marks or some other scarring, which can have many causes, as being definitely related to pregnancy alone

No one else, including doctors, lovers he may have had sexual relationships with, enemies, patients, ever accused Barry of being a woman, and no one else saw his body after death except for the woman who demanded payment in exchange for not exposing such a “secret”.

And yet Dr. Barry is often included as a part of woman’s history, despite the fact that the historical record alone, poorly sourced biographies notwithstanding, literally gives more evidence to the idea that Dr. Barry was a cisgender man than the idea that he ever identified himself as a woman. His middle name is even disputed--here is a long list of historical examinations into Barry and the many histories of him that are used in his wikipedia article without actually linking to historical documentation https://notesonagentleman.substack.com/ I include his story here as context for the difficulties that arise in examining transgender people in history. When you first look into Dr. Barry’s story, he seems to be the transest trans man to ever trans--but as you dig deeper, evidence that he was even assigned female at birth starts to look more like hearsay. It’s possible that Barry was intersex. But it’s also possible that Barry was a cisgender man who was insecure about his body and was maligned after his death because someone thought they could make a buck, or had never seen a man with stretch marks before, or some other explanation. The majority of historians write about him as a woman, sometimes inventing--with no evidence, the idea that he was forced to pretend to be a man for financial reasons, and was secretly a proud woman despite never once identifying as one, even in his own writings. It’s possible that Dr. Barry was transgender, or that he was intersex, or that he was a cisgender man--however, historians do Dr. Barry a disservice by describing him as a woman, because “woman” is the only identity we can definitively rule out.

[haniawritesfiction]

Recent Reads-July/August 2021

The Psychology of Time Travel By Kate Mascarenhas

In a world where time travel was invented in the 1960s, two women become caught up in a murder that hasn't yet happened. For a book about time travel, The Psychology of Time Travel feels closer to realistic fiction than a sci-fi novel, honestly, if we ever invent time travel I could see this easily happening. For all that it technically a mystery, this book is more interested in the relationships, dysfunctions, and institutions that create these circumstances than the actual mystery. Don't go into this book expecting a murder mystery and you won't be disappointed. Mascarenhas masterfully uses pov's of minor characters to make this world feel truly immersive while never losing sight of her main characters, both of whom are flawed, fascinating, and very human. A great take on the time travel genre. -9/10

Devil's Ballast By Meg Caddy

A swashbuckling adventure focusing on the famed female pirate Anne Bonny. Devil's Ballast was.... a weird one. For a book that's meant to be a pirate adventure the pace is way too slow at times and then when it finally reaches the action, it rushes through it. The book also had a completely unnecessary pov of a pirate hunter that added absolutely nothing to the plot. I feel like I would've enjoyed the whole book way more if Anne herself had been more memorable, I'd just finished watching Black Sails, so Devil's Ballast's Anne Bonny and Jack Rackham are pretty boring in comparison to their Black Sails counterparts. But the part of the book that irked me the most was the romance. Anne spends the whole book seeming not that interested in Jack until the last second when he's her great love again. The strongest relationship in this book is the friendship between her and Mark Read, which was pretty cute and my favorite part of the whole book. -4/10

The Strangers Child By Alan Hollinghurst

In Edwardian England, while staying at a friend's house, a man writes a love poem that becomes famous. In the decades following, his family and friends are forced to live with his, and the poem's legacy. The Stranger's Child is an incredibly atmospheric book, with beautiful prose, but it felt like a bit of a letdown. Instead of an exploration of what if a famous love poem is actually gay, it's more of a meandering look at various moments in English history and the people living through it. There were chapters that just felt entirely pointless and there were only three sections that actually felt thematically linked. This book had so much potential, but it felt like the author's vision and the supposed premise were constantly at odds.-6/10

Crooked Kingdom By Leigh Bardugo

The sequel to Six Of Crows; political intrigue, gang wars, and magic all meet in the seedy underworld of Ketterdam. I read Six Of Crows about four months ago and mostly enjoyed it, though to be honest, I didn't quite get the hype. With this book, I get it. Crooked Kingdom weaves a complex and engaging plot to match it's superb worldbuilding and characters and I read it in one sitting. The fantasy elements were never too overwhelming nor predictable and the ending was the perfect amount of bittersweet. If you struggled through Six Of Crows, give this one a try, you'll find it hard to put down.-8/10

Circe By Madeline Miller

A re-imagining of an often maligned figure in ancient Greek mythology: the sorceress Circe. I had a massive greek mythology phase as a kid and so reading this was a blast. Miller's writing has an appropriately mythical feel, weaving multiple myths together to explore Circe's psyche. Circe herself manages to be incredibly likable despite her flaws and Miller expands her beyond her common depiction as a vindictive, promiscuous woman. Because of the nature of the plot, I feel like having basic knowledge of greek mythology enhances the reading experience, especially knowledge of the odyssey. To understand this Circe, it's important to understand the Circe of the odyssey and the way the common tropes of greek mythology are being deconstructed.-10/10

Honey Girl By Morgan Rogers

A young woman feels lost after getting her doctorate and runs off to spend the summer with a woman she got married to while drunk in Vegas. Honey Girl is not a romance novel or really your traditional romcom, instead, it is an exploration of family and coming of age in your twenties with a well-written love story at its center. From the prose and general atmosphere, this book has an almost magical feel, yet manages to feel incredibly raw and real. If you're burnt out on romcoms and want something that isn't too saccharine yet leaves you with that warm fuzzy feeling, this book is for you.-10/10

Bolla By Pajtim Statovci

In 1990s Kosovo, two men, a Serbian and an Albanian fall in love. Years later, the two men both struggle with the after-effects of the war and their circumstances. Bolla is not the sort of book that you can say you like, though I certainly didn't dislike it. The writing is fantastic and has a very unique quality (possibly due to the novel having been translated from Finish) yet Bolla is incredibly bleak. The romance presumably at the center of the novel is less of the focus and instead what anchors the two men's stories. Their relationship is over by chapter three and at first, I was honestly a little peeved that it got that little attention or description, however by the end of the book I honestly felt it worked. A haunting story of war and the human condition.-7/10

The Kingdoms By Natasha Pulley

When a man gets off a train in London, he can remember barely anything about himself or his life, except the sense that the reality he is faced with is wrong; Britain has been under occupation by the French since they won the Napoleonic wars 85 years ago. Determined to find out who he really is, he follows a century-old letter to an abandoned Scottish lighthouse and finds himself the key to winning a war that could change everything. The Kingdoms is a book that keeps on giving, just the premise of a Britain occupied by France is fascinating, but Pulley goes a step further weaving a complex plot that kept me on the edge of my seat. Her writing is fantastic and like the premise, it felt like entire books could be written about every single setting. The characters are also engaging, from Joe, our main character, who is just so immediately likeable, to Kit, a character who is the definition of morally grey. My only quibble is the female characters, who feel fairly underdeveloped and only really there to flesh out the male ones. -9/10

Cinderella is Dead By Kalynn Bayron

300 years after Cinderella found her happy ending her legacy has been twisted to create a dystopian life for the girls living in her kingdom. Four to five years ago, I think I would've really liked Cinderella is Dead; I mean it's a sapphic fairytale retelling! But my taste in books has changed a lot and this book just felt far too YA for me. The writing felt young, the characters underdeveloped and the plot cliched.-2/10

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #452

“what i’ve felt, what i’ve known, never shined doing what i’ve shown  /  never free, never me, so i dub thee unforgiven”

Are you a part of the LGBTQ+ community? I am. Do you have Tiktok? Are you addicted? I don't. Do you enjoy being outside? IF it's cool outside, yes. Do you like being around kids? No, not really. Have you ever gotten Covid-19? No. What's your ethnicity? Caucasian. If you were president, what's the first change you would make? I'd probably put in place free healthcare first. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? If an animal shouldn't be a pet, there's a reason. So none. What was your favorite meal as as kid? Has it changed now? It was spaghetti. I still love it, but it's not my favorite now. Which doctor is your least favorite? Primary, eye, dentist, gynecologist, etc. Potential TMI answer follows. So, the VERY easy answer is gynecologist. Like, I've never even BEEN to one because I'm too scared. Not because I think they'll find anything wrong, but because I'm just very self-conscious about stuff like that and I do fucking not want some random stranger laying a goddamn finger on me like that. My doctor is really pushing me to go by now though as a safety precaution, but I just really, really don't want to. Do you feel that you'd be any good at solving a murder? No. I'm so clueless. You own a dragon, but it doesn't breathe fire; what comes out instead? Water, I guess? That could be beneficial in a lot of ways. Have you ever been sprayed by a giant rain puddle when a car passed by? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. Do you think baby clothes are adorable? Ha ha yeah, I just tend to like miniature things in general, and babies are just... miniature humans lmao. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. If you could adopt 3 unique pets, what would you get? A plains hognose morph (probably a lavender, or snow?), a Brazilian black tarantula, andddd... an African fat-tailed gecko morph. What grade are you in, if you’re still in school? I'm not in school. Do you get a lot of tourists in the area where you live? Hell no, there's not shit here. Do you enjoy watching vlogs? Only occasionally by certain people I like. What was the last new video game you were excited about? It really sucks I don't have the appropriate console to play it myself, but I was SUPER stoked for Resident Evil 8: Village to be released and literally watched like four different playthroughs at the same time, ha ha. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? In a three-and-a-half years intimate relationship, it obviously came up before. He didn't care, because he wasn't 12. Have you ever been to small church/bible group/study? Forced to or wanted to? I was forced to go to Sunday school, as well as church. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? I've never seen one here, even. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? That'd be a bonus to how physically attracted I was to them, probably, lol. I just love tattoos. Where was the last place on your body that you felt physical pain? My uterus is screaming. :') What are you listening to right now? I am fucking unhealthily obsessed with Violet Orlandi & Skar's cover of "The Unforgiven" by Metallica lkasdjkflawjerwr like I will not stop listening to it lol. Last person you texted? My mom. Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? My mom. Have you ever used a chainsaw? Nooo, and I don't want to. Do you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa? crihmuh Ever been so stunned, no words came out? Oh yes. Ever written that you were going to end your life? I have. I was fucking stupid and made a suicide note on Facebook. I genuinely wanted everyone on there to know what they meant to me, so like it seriously wasn't for attention, which I still worry people think that. Ever put fake bugs around your house to scare someone? Not to scare people, no. I have two faux tarantulas in my room as decor, though. Is there a reason you have the name you do? Not particularly. My parents just liked it, ig. Choose: the best song by Green Day? Aw, that's way too hard! I love Green Day. I guess if I absolutely had to pick, maybe "21 Guns." It's just a truly beautiful song. Have you ever tried to “save”, or “fix” someone, before? No. I don't believe that works and only damages you. Were ethics discovered or invented? That's a good question. I really can't say I know. Do you put effort into getting tan during the summer? Nah. Are you a fairly self-motivated person? NO. I need external motivation pretty badly. Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him. List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently. 1.) wtf I feel about Girt and wtf to do about it; 2.) my weight; 3.) what job I'm going to search for once I make progress at the gym; 4.) whether or not to quit photography and focus my efforts elsewhere; and 5.), as always, Jason. What is better, history or science? Science is way more interesting. Do you flinch at the sight of blood? No. Do you enjoy swimming? Yeah. When you swear, is it usually in general or directed at someone? In general. I don't generally swear at people. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? Yeah; I've got a couple of musician friends. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? GO AWAY Ever slapped a guy in the face? No. I don't hit people. Do you think you’re a good friend? I sure try to be. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? I have on only one occasion when I Jason and I were texting and he pissed me off. I don't remember what we were even talking about now. My phone was fine btw, ha ha, I didn't like, chuck it. What color of hair do you find the sexiest on the opposite gender? Out of the natural hair colors, black. But I really like hair that's dyed exotic colors on like... anyone. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yeah. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? Yeah. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Quite a few people, actually. Most of my friendships are online. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? When I was out today, it was $2.99. Why are you happy? Who said I was? I'm not happy. What is in your pocket? Nothing. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Severe indecision. Worthlessness. Yesterday had some grim periods. What would you name your future son? I always answer with the first name, "Damien," so let's see about a middle name... uhhhh... maybe Damien James? I'm not really sure about a middle name, but that sounds nice. What are you waiting for? Girt to message me back. He barely touches Facebook, so I can't blame him, but I wanna plan a day for him to visit and we can hang and I can decide what the fuck it is I feel towards him. What takes your breath away? Big waterfalls, to name a major one. What fact of life would you rather not know about? That the world doesn't give a fuck about you. It sounds super pessimistic, I know, but it doesn't. There is no sentience to it, no will to keep you safe and happy, it just... exists, and we're thrown onto it to figure it out. Unfair things happen. That's life. ... Damn, this answer was dark lol. What’re a few things that automatically make you go, “Awww?” Meerkat pups doing so much as blinking, guys being really cute with kids, seeing elderly couples holding hands and just generally being precious, proposals (especially gay ones just because of how hard that was fought for), seeing literally any picture in existence of Mark and Amy together, veterans coming home and their dogs freaking out... Man, a lot of things. This question brightened my mood to think about. :') Are you easily scared by horror movies? Nah. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Illinois to visit Sara. :') I really wanna hang. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her bday a day before mine. Are you wearing a ring? I always wear two. Do you hate to hug people? No, I love hugs. How many rooms does your house consist of? Seven. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be and why? Can I be a Pokemon trainer, pls???? What would you want to be famous for? Most ideally, a great wildlife photographer. The kind photography students would see and be inspired by. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, I sleep with a real animal, ha ha. What is your favorite brand of hairspray? I don’t have one. What is in your backyard? Not very much... I'm barely ever even out there, so I barely know. There's one shed, a small tree, and uh... idk. Who is/was your favorite teacher? I have a few. Mrs. Whitley, Mr. Proctor, Coach Collie, and Miss Tobey are some. What’s your favorite non-sexual thing to do with a girl/boy? Play video games together. Do you cheer for the bad guy? Ha, I have a tendency to do that... Would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? Career. I want one so very badly. Something on the human body that grossest you out the most: So even though I am sexually attracted to any gender, nevertheless, genitalia gross me the fuck out. Either kind. Penises especially though like what the fuck- Do you think it’s easier to raise a boy a girl? Why? From most parents, I've heard boys are much easier because girls (supposedly) tend to have more of an attitude. What is your favorite strawberry flavored food? Strawberry is generally my favorite flavor for like, everything, so this is just about impossible. Maybe uhhh slushies? What is the oldest video game system you’ve played? An Atari.

[some-weebs-posts]

It's so weird going on Animal Jam now in 2020 and seeing all the new jammers who don't know squat because I have been using it since 2011 and let me tell you, it was a weird.

Regular wolves were the absolute coolest thing ever.

The Pillow Room was originally a doctor's office.

The Arcade and diamonds didn't exist.

Instead of the Diamond Room in Jamal Township, there was a dance party room (kind of like a club).

Only members could change the colors of items.

Some of the newest animals were the average foxes and dolphins.

We had these vampires vs werewolves wars. I was a vampire. So you would pretty much change your eye color to red, wear sunglasses or sunhats to Crystal Sands, and only drink the red strawberry smoothies. Telling someone you were a "vamp" (short for vampire) was as big of a deal as coming out as gay. You would even invite some people over to your den and take turns "sucking their blood" and turning them into a vampire. To this day, I am still a vamp.

When the Summer Carnival was invented, not only was it fun, but it was a HUGE deal- like a real life carnival was in town.

During the Obama vs McCain election in 2012, everyone danced in Jamal Township and colored themselves either blue or red, depending on who they wanted to win.

Everyone would go to the movie theater and rewatch the same video of gekos over and over again.

All you had to do to get a date was to make a heart reaction at someone. If they did it back, tada! You're a couple. (My first plushie ended up looking like my "online boyfriend" so I still have it. I don't even remember who that guy was.

You never saw someone's username unless you clicked on their animal. As people were just walking around, you saw their animal's name (example, all of my avatars are named Blossom Spiritstar).

It was not uncommon to have a "plushie party" where people would completely cover their entire dens in plushies. If you really liked one, the owner could gift it to you or trade a pillow for it or something.

[woman-loving]

Early Homosexual Emancipation Campaign in Germany

Selection from Gay Berlin: Birthplace of a Modern Identity, by Robert Beachy, 2014.

Prussia quickly consolidated the gains from its victory over Austria and established the North German Confederation in 1867. This truncated version of the former German Confederation excluded Austria, as well as the southwestern states of Bavaria, Baden, and Württemberg. This outcome deviated widely from the großdeutsch solution hoped for by [Karl Heinrich] Ulrichs and many others, and forced a rapid reorientation by German nationalists of every perspective. But if some großdeutsch partisans despaired of Prussia's growing influence, others began to view Bismarck as a kind of savior who might succeed, where the bourgeois nationalists had failed, in creating a united Germany. The anticipation of unification also encouraged the activity of those cultural associations that intended to support the needs of an emergent Germany. The nationalist Association of Jurists had sponsored congresses since its inception in 1860, and its sixth congress was scheduled to be held in Munich in August 1867.

It was at this meeting that Ulrichs publicly demanded an open debate on the legal status of same-sex love and recommended a dramatic revision of the remaining German anti-sodomy statutes. The path leading to Ulrichs's historic appeal was a complicated one and required significant wrangling. Two years earlier he had submitted his first five volumes on Urning love to the planning commission of the German jurists along with the following resolution for discussion at the sixth congress:

"I. That inborn love for persons of the male sex is to be punished under the same conditions under which love of persons of the female sex are punished; that it is, therefore, to remain free of punishment, so long as: neither rights are violated (through application or threat of force, misuse of prepubescent person, the unconscious, etc.) nor public offense is given;

II. That, however, the present, often thoroughly unclear requirements for "giving public offense by sexual acts" be replaced by such as preserve legal guarantees."[56]

The committee attempted to suppress the petition, dismissing it as "unsuitable." Ulrichs was undaunted, and he wrote the congress chairman demanding an opportunity to protest "the exclusion of an agenda proposal" at the closing plenary session. The request was granted, and Ulrichs prepared for this unprecedented opportunity. Although silenced by jeering and tumult, Ulrichs managed to present the subject of Urning emancipation, which introduced his cause to the leading legal minds of the German world. The five hundred lawyers, officials, and legal scholars who attended the closing meeting would certainly remember Ulrichs and his impassioned appeal.[57]

[...] All the same, Ulrichs managed to place himself at the center of an unfolding legal and medical debate that gained increasing relevance with the march toward unification. The North German Confederation was governed by a new federal constitution and hoped to create a uniform penal code with jurisdiction over all member states. This marked an important departure from the much weaker constitution of the former German Confederation, which had left intact--from 1815 to 1866--the individual law codes of its thirty-nine members. Prussian officials wanted to "homogenize" the German penal codes, using their own legal system as a template. But the prospect that Prussia would replace the more liberal Hanoverian treatment of private sexual behavior with its own anti-sodomy statute was in Ulrichs's view an especially grave threat.

In June 1868 Bismarck ordered the preparation of a revised code by the Prussian minister of justice, who commissioned the Prussian Medical Affairs Board to study the anti-sodomy statute. The board chairman was Berlin pathologist Rudolf Virchow (1821-1902), one of the most famous doctors of his age, who also served--as cofounder and member of the German Liberal Party (Deutsche Fortschrittspartei)--in the Berlin City Council, the Prussian Diet, and later the German Reichstag.[56] The other board members were prominent physicians and psychiatrists with academic posts in the medical faculty at the University of Berlin. Under Virchow's leadership, the board submitted a formal report in March 1869 recommending against the anti-sodomy statute. The group argued that male-male sexual relations were "no more injurious than other forms [of illicit sexuality]," like fornication or adultery. They claimed further that they were unable "to offer reasons why sex between men should be punished by law when other forms of illicit relations are not."[60] Surprisingly, perhaps, the board's recommendation reflected the liberalism of its members, who largely supported free trade, minimal government interference in the lives of private citizens, and, not least of all, the determinations of modern science. No doubt the French decriminalization of sodomy also influenced their thinking.

While considering the anti-sodomy statute, the Justice Ministry received nearly one hundred petitions--from jurists, medical doctors, and private individuals--most arguing against the anti-sodomy statute. Ulrichs initiated this chorus for legal reform by submitting his first of five petitions in September 1868, along with two of his published pamphlets. "The hermaphrodite [Urning] is not only a human being," Ulrichs pleaded; "he is also a competent citizen of the constitutional state and as such he may demand, so long as he neither harms the rights of others nor gives public offense, that he too not be punished for the expression of his sexual love."[61] The Medical Affairs Board announced its conclusions in March, and newspapers reported that officials had determined to exclude the anti-sodomy statute from the new penal code. Ulrichs took this satisfying victory as an opportunity to send one last petition, this time requesting pardons for those convicted or incarcerated for sexual crimes related to their Urning identity.

One significant result of this legal review was the invention of the word Homosexualität, homosexuality. The man who coined this influential neologism was the enigmatic author and journalist Karl Maria Kertbeny (1824-1882), who introduced his terminology in two short publications protesting the anti-sodomy statue. Submitted anonymously to Prussian minister of justice Leonhardt in 1869, Kertbeny’s self-published pamphlets were also circulated by booksellers in Leipzig and Berlin. As the anonymous author, Kertbeny maintained in the two pamphlets that he was sexually “normal” but argued passionately--based on the conclusions of Virchow’s board, as well as the findings of other psychiatric authorities, including Casper--that “homosexuality” was an inborn condition and that the anti-sodomy statute violated the fundamental civic and constitutional rights of “homosexuals.” Kertbeny rejected Ulrichs's Urning theory of psychological hermaphroditism, but he clearly took inspiration from Ulrichs's public campaign, and the two had corresponded since 1865. Kertbeny never made public his support for homosexual emancipation, however, and so guarded was he that even Ulrichs was unaware--until much later--of his identity as the anonymous author.[62]

Ulrichs's campaign to end the punishment of same-sex love appeared poised to succeed. Like Kertbeny, many of those sympathetic to Ulrichs and his cause took inspiration from his public stance while remaining skeptical of this theories. Stimulating open debate among legal and medical professionals--and perhaps influencing their views--was a critical achievement. But what Ulrichs could not easily control was entrenched prejudice, nor the brutal, unsolved sex crimes that enraged popular sentiment in Berlin in the late 1860s. [...]

The same ignorance and popular prejudice that condemned [Carl von] Zastrow also derailed Ulrichs's campaign to end the legal persecution of Urning sexuality. On November 7, little more than a week after the conclusion of the Zastrow trial, Prussian official announced their decision to include the anti-sodomy statute in the revised law code. Prussian cultural minister Heinrich von Mühler, citing "the people's sense of right and wrong" (Rechtsbewusstsein des Volkes) that held homosexual conduct to be a crime and not just a vice, rejected the counsel of his own leading medical advisers.[64] A draft of the North German penal code was published in December, and the section addressing same-sex eroticism reproduced the language of the Prussian penal code from 1851. Sodomy was defined as the sexual penetration of one man by another, as well as "sexual contact between man and beast." The draft code was debated in the Reichstag of the North German Confederation from February to May 1870, and during this period Ulrichs petitioned again, requesting that lawmakers, if the sodomy paragraph were preserved, also insert the following qualification: "the preceding does not pertain to a person who commits sexual acts that correspond to his innate sexual drive."[65] The only significant change, however, was the assignment of a new paragraph number, which provided the nickname--Paragraph 175--for the statute criminalizing sex between men. The North German penal code was finally promulgated as law on May 31, 1870.

[sebastianshaw]

Rando Munday ramblings! For new followers, on Munday sometimes I just post a bunch of personal stuff I normally wouldn’t. Not usually anything intimately personal, more like random thoughts and news that just isn’t relevant to the blog in any way, not related to X-Men or RP or writing in general, etc. ....there’s a lot of Hannibal today, sorry, I’m rewatching it.

- I definitely wanna have a pair of critters named Hannibal and Hasdrubal at some point, maybe if there's a third I'd name him Hamilcar. I know everyone will think I named them after Hannibal Lector but actually these are really common names from Ancient Carthage. Like if you look at Carthagian history and records, everyone is Hannibal, Hasdrubal, or Hamilcar, it's like John, James, and Jim. I'd prefer the pair, though, since Hannibal and Hasdrubal were a pair of brothers and famous historical figures, so it would feel much more like a "set" that way (whereas they did not have a brother called Hamilcar) - Speaking of Hannibal Lector, I knew he was based on a real person, but I did not realize that person was a gay Mexican man. That’s...an interesting example of gay history, for sure. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Thomas Harris (the writer of the books that the films and later the TV series were based on) based Hannibal on a surgeon he met while interviewing an inmate at prison for another novel. This surgeon was so intelligent and charismatic that Harris implicitly assumed that he was a doctor in the employ of the prison. Nope---the doctor was an inmate himself. Harris was so shaken by the encounter that it inspired him to create Hannibal Lector, who, in contrast to the typical media portrayals of serial killers as uncontrolled lunatic slashers like Michael Myers or Leatherface, is a charming, culture, charismatic intellectual. To protect the man’s identity, Harris called him “Dr. Salazar” in interviews, so that was always how I knew him. I just now learned not only was his real name Alfredo Balli Trevino, but his victim was Jesus Castillo Rangel, his male lover. Harris describes him as a small, lithe man with dark red hair and, unsurprisingly, “a certain elegance about him”. Though Trevino was given the death penalty for his crimes, his sentence was commuted to 20 years and he was released in either 1980 or 1981. He died in in 2009 when he was 81 years old. He reportedly spent the last years of his life helping the poor and elderly, and he expressed deep regret for his “dark past”---which I suppose makes sense, since his crime was that he killed a lover in a fit of rage during an argument, whereas Hannibal simply killed people in cold blood whom he had no attachment to because he liked eating them (something Trevino never did) and to punish them for rudeness. - I’ve decided to stop buying silk, unless it's from a thrift store and thus my money won't go to supporting sericulture. Ahimsa silk isn't an option either, the bugs aren't technically killed but they're not treated well either. I know it might seem weird to eat meat and wear leather and yet not want to purchase something that hurt moths and larva, but...I have to eat meat for medical reasons, and my leather purchases is limited to boots that I then keep for YEARS AND YEARS so it's very sparing. There's really no such thing as a cruelty-free diet or lifestyle, whether that cruelty is suffered by animals or by other humans, but I can still make choices that at least lesson some small aspect of harm. I need to eat meat, I don't need real silk. ...Haven only wears bamboo silk for this reason and when this came up with Shaw, he absolutely thought she was fucking with him, like even SHE can’t be THIS insane, NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT BUGS WTF - The books nearest to me right now are “Women Who Run With The Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype ” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, The Norton Anthology of English Literature: The Romantic Period, “X-Men: The Legacy Quest Trilogy” by Steve Lyons, two  horror anthologies, the script for “M. Butterfly” by David Henry Hwang, “The Spanish Riding School of Vienna: Tour of America 2005″ book I got from when I went to see the Lippizanner horses perform, and a big beautiful leatherbound English translation of “The Flowers of Evil” by Charles Baudelaire. This is...this is a summary of my whole personality, sans rodents. Also god I need to clean my room. - Something I've noticed is that many sci-fi horror films that do the whole "science went too far against nature!!!" thing....don't actually have the problem result from the lack of ethics involved or because the scientists did something "unnatural", it happens because they didn't follow basic safety precautions, lab protocol, common sense, etc. "Splice" for instance, is a really good example---the problem isn't that they made a part-human hybrid, that's not why shit goes wrong, shit goes wrong because the two scientists act like idiots, adopt the creation as a child, hide it in their barn instead of a sterile controlled environment, and then one of them HAS SEX WITH IT. Or in "The Fly" the problem isn't that Brundle invented a teleporter, it's that he tested it ON HIMSELF while he was ALL ALONE. Even in "Jurassic Park" the issue is less that dinosaurs are breeding and more the result of a disgruntled worker who was given way too much power over being able to run things, and thus shut them down when he wants to. So many "science gone wrong!" movies end up not really being condemnations of science itself, so much as depicting scientists as utter dumbasses. Which, on the one hand, I do like, because I dislike the notion of condemning scientific progress just because it seems icky or creepy or "goes against nature" (so do vaccines, I still like those!) But on the other hand, the movies don't FRAME it as "this is the result of failure to practice science safely and sensibly" they frame it as "they should never have attempted such an unnatural thing and this disaster is punishment for a moral sin" even though the issue doesn't happen because what the scientists did was "wrong" it happens because they do something DUMB. - Bringing it back to Hannibal, I reached the episode where Margot Verger first appears, and if I have one big disappointment about the Hannibal series, it's Margot. In the books, she's a huge butch lesbian, literally and figuratively. In the TV series, she's a pretty femme fashionista like all the other women, and she fucks Will in order to get pregnant. At the time this came out in 2013, I tried to be all resigned and fair-minded about this. I was like "ok, well, they didn't want to be offensive with a stereotype, and I guess that's fair, I guess not hurting people matters more to me than getting the horseback-riding bulldyke hearthrob of my high school years on-screen at last" but you know what? No. Firstly, butch lesbians deserve representation too. How many have you ever seen onscreen, let alone in a mainstream media production? Sure, it's a stereotype, but it's not an inherently negative one, they just get treated that way in media because society sees it that way. But the way to handle butch lesbians and femme gay men and so on isn't to erase them from the screen, it's to start writing them as human beings and not caricatures or jokes or monsters. Margot is a fleshed-out human being, she's nuanced and twisted and hurt like everyone else in this series, she would be PERFECT for that. She wouldn't be just a butch lesbian, she'd be a CHARACTER who just also happens to be a butch lesbian. I don't really think she was changed to avoid "hurting" lesbians, I think she was changed because the director, gay man or not, clearly has a way he wants the women in his series to look (they're all fashion plates, all have long hair, all very sophisticated, etc) and book Margot didn't fit his aesthetic, his design if you will. Because god forbid we just make her a DAPPER dyke, right? Back to having sex with Will, which most certainly did NOT happen in the books...that's not bad itself in a VACUUM, fucking men to get a baby is something real-life lesbians do, I had a friend in college who was actually conceived that way, but like...no media exists in a vacuum, and there is very little depiction of lesbians in media that doesn't feature them fucking men for SOME reason or another. They want a baby, or they start the story with a boyfriend, or they're actually bisexual, or they're even raped, but there's always SOME reason we have to watch a guy fucking them and it's frankly distressing. Like, remember Irene Adler in BBC's Sherlock? It's a pattern. And I'm not saying lesbians who have had a sexual past with men, or who were the victims of sexual violence by men, don't deserve representation, I would never say that, those are very common experiences, I'm not saying "gold stars only", I'm saying that there is a strong pattern in media where it seems almost obligatory that a lesbian has to have sex with or be attracted to men at some point, while comparatively the opposite case, where a lesbian is depicted as exclusively and only attracted to and "with" other women, is seldom there. And it's just kind of a kick in the nads for me, as I think it was for a lot of other lesbians, butch or not, that a gay director took an opportunity like Margot Verger and turned her into just another attractive lipstick lesbian that is okay with having sex with the male protagonist as a treat tee hee (Spoiler: She does end up with Alana though, which I appreciate)

[theoverflowinggrace]

Christian Testimony: Saved by Grace

My Testimony

God has been asking me to share my story but only today, May 24, 2020 the Holy Spirit led me to write it now after watching a preaching entitled “Grace is…” of the lead Pastor of Transformation Church, Michael Todd. I kept this secret to myself for so many years. I’d been so afraid to be judged. It would always scare me whenever I would attempt that the people I know might get away from me. But today, I don’t just want to keep that love God has been showing me, I wanted to share it. There also might be people who are going through something and needs encouragement in their lives right now and I don’t want to miss the chance.  

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I came from a very poor family. I had the worst father I’d thought. He was a gambler, a womanizer, a very irresponsible father to his four children. My father and my mother separated when I was five years old. At a very young age, I understood and felt very unhappy and deficient. My mother was the one who took the responsibilities for all of their children.  She had a relationship with another man. She did everything she could to provide for our family. Growing up, all I wanted was to get our family back together.  My family was all my life. They are my everything.

When I was in second year high school, my sister invited me to a Christian church she was attending to that time and there I felt Jesus but still didn’t understand what life really means. We stopped going to church as my sister and I had to move to Manila from Antipolo to get free education in public universities. From there, I lived with my father and with his girlfriend. Going to college for my sister and I was so difficult. There were days that we would not have allowance to go to school. There were days that we would not have food on our table. My sister and I even experienced to work as a saleslady in Divisoria mall thinking that we could save money for ourselves. I also remember that my sister and I even experienced selling coffee in a dangerous place in Custom where you needed to play hide and seek with the guards because they don’t allow vendors in there. We would offer coffee to those drivers who were driving their big trucks with big containers and when their queue would move you need to chase them for their payment. It was very dangerous.  

My friends in college were just normal people who also need free education from the government to go to college. One day, when my friends and I were strolling in the mall. There was this old man who suddenly approached me. At first, I thought he was a gay (I think it was just his style to cover up his real intention) who would want me to be one of his talents.  He showed me his phone and asked if he could get my number. My initial reaction was I got scared. I knew that he liked me. I didn’t give my number and left him. Shortly, when we were walking away from him, we didn’t know that he was following us. He was persistent to pursue me that day so while walking he was talking and introducing himself to us. He even showed his ID’s to us. He said that he is a lawyer, a professor, studied in Ateneo and even in UP and just wanted to eat with us. My friends and I were just crazy and said yes (we were trying to convince ourselves that it is just a treat and we could eat in a most expensive restaurant in that area because anyway we were still inside the vicinity of the mall so we don’t need to be scared of) Fast forward, when we were finished ordering and eating all the food we wanted from the restaurant, he asked my number again and I gave a fake one. He tried to call it but it didn’t ring. (Of course I just invented it) and to make the long story short, I ended up giving my number. After that time, I would receive sweet messages from him but I just ignored him until he stopped.

Fast forward, I was in my second semester in my 3rd year of college when my family received news that left us all devastated. My sister had stage 4 colon cancer and the doctor even told that she only had two months to live. We were hopeless that time. We are not rich. Where can we get the money to provide for her chemotherapies? Why did God let this happen to my sister? How could we still have the second chance for my family to get back together if my sister would die? Those were some of the questions I had in my mind.

Fast forward, one normal day after school, when I just finished my field study and decided to eat in a fast food restaurant, I once encountered again this old man who I’ve met few months ago. He called my number after we’ve seen each other again but again, I just ignored him.

Our family has history of cancer. Three of my very close relatives died because of it. My sister who just had two chemo sessions decided to stop and told his husband to just save the money for her daughter’s future instead of wasting the money if she would still die in the end. When I knew about it, I was in great pain but this old man came across my mind. I thought he could help me with the big amount of money my sister needed for the remaining Chemo sessions.  I became so desperate. But I was wrong; he told me so many lies. He was a big liar. I never thought of getting married or having kids before graduating to college. I was so careful (I thought I was) He told me that he could not make a woman pregnant because his doctor said so because of all the medications and everything he had when he was having multiple surgeries in his body (Before I met him I didn’t know that he had undergone multiple surgeries in his face hoping that he could still look young again; Indeed, he is a crazy man) He made me believed that everything he said were all true. I didn’t even know that he’s a married man. (He is really crazy) Things have fallen apart when I got pregnant. I couldn’t accept it. I hated it. I despised it so I destroyed it. I aborted it.

Fast forward, I graduated to college, got a decent job, passed the board exam for teachers, had a serious relationship, and my sister died after battling for three months with her disease.

Life became lifeless, pointless, and meaningless. It was so dark and I’d gone through depression. Every day, I wish I had died instead. I told myself that I would never be happy again. I told myself that I can’t be happy again. I don’t deserve and I won’t and I should not. I must not.

I stopped socializing. I stopped doing the things that could make me happy. I was punishing myself but never had I attempted to commit suicide because I knew that it would only help me to get a VIP ticket in my residence to hell.

I carried this guilt for more than six years until I met my Christ again. He showed me his mercy, poured me with his grace and wrapped me with His great love. I was a great sinner but His love is greater. It was when I didn’t know what to do anymore.  Every day was unbearable. It was when I came across these Christian preaching videos from CCF. God spoke to me in so many ways. I felt in love with Him. And finally I have forgiven myself. At this moment, I could say that I am not just happy but I am joyful. It says on Ephesians 2:8 “For by Grace you have been saved through Faith and He is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

I used to always question God. I was mad to Him. I kept asking him why he allowed me to get involved with this kind of man. There were a lot of women in that mall that he could approach instead of me? Why did we still have our next encounter after our first?  Why did God allow me to be used by this man?  Why my sister had to suffer from cancer? And why can’t my family just be happy? And God answered me in John 9:2 when His disciples asked him “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind? And Jesus answered “Neither this man nor his parents sinned. But this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him”. I believed that God allowed all of these things to happen without any reasons. I believed that there’s no accident with God. All things happened for His glory. I still may not be the person God wanted me to be but I am grateful to Him that I am not the same person I used to be. I still fall short of glory every day but His grace is amazing. It is sufficient. People do not deserve this grace but God has given it to us. He has already paid in full when He died on the cross for us. We don’t need to earn it or work for it but we just only need to enjoy it. God has finished his work. If anyone of you who’s been struggling or condemning yourself from the sins you have committed, God is telling you right at this moment that He has already forgiven you so forgive yourself now. God would allow even the most painful thing that could ever happen to your life so you would be blessed by Him and use you for His glory. If anyone of you who are probably mad, keep on questioning God or going through some difficulties in life. Keep in your mind that you are never alone in your battle. You may not understand now but in the future, you will understand that God is really working. He is alive. You just have to give it all out to God and surely, he will direct you to what he has in stored for you.  

All of my earthly desires, I surrendered all to Him. To have plenty or nothing, His grace is sufficient. He had already done great things 2000 years ago. I will never cease worshiping and praising him for the rest of my life.

Recently, I just ended my four-year relationship. It took me two years to finally surrender him to Jesus. It didn’t honor God. It wasn’t a Christ-centered relationship. To let go of him was really painful. I thought he was the one I would be marrying. I have planned it already but I know God has better plans.  It was excruciating. But God has helped me go through with this hardship. I believe that with God everything is possible. It says in Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Now, I am a living testimony of how unconditional, incomparable and indescribable His love for us. I am great sinner, saved by His grace through faith and now a committed follower of Jesus Christ. All praises, glory and honor to God. God bless you all!