#remember fireflies

[valtsv]

[kinardsevan]

remember me

(I'm an asshole for writing this and I know it, but now you have to live with it too)

-

Tommy squeezes Evan’s hand lightly as they walk down the street. The blonde has been quieter as of late, not really letting on what’s going on inside his head. He’s not sure if it’s something happening at work or just noise inside Evan’s head from typical anxieties, but he tries not to push him when it feels like the younger man isn’t in a place where he’s ready to talk. Still, he’s curious. 

“Are you worried about the transfer going through,” he asks softly, bumping lightly into Evan’s shoulder as they round a corner. 

“No,” Evan murmurs back, not much louder than a whisper. “I didn’t put in for a transfer.” 

Tommy furrows his brow slightly, glancing over at Evan again. “Oh. I thought you said-..” 

“No,” Evan cuts him off, but his voice is still in that same low, soft tone. “You assumed.” 

“You gonna take some time off,” Tommy asks. He’s not really sure what’s happening over at the 118, since the last time he spoke with Howie everything still seemed to be going well. Plus, it’s only been a few days since he last sparred with Eddie, and even he seemed to let on that things were still pretty normal over there. “See if things shake themselves out?” 

“No,” Evan replies, pulling his hand away. Both of his hands slide into his pockets as he walks a few paces ahead of Tommy, and they round into an empty alley.

“Hey,” Tommy calls out to him softly. Evan stops walking and turns towards him, and a small smile pulls on the corners of Tommy’s mouth as he stares at his boyfriend. “What’re you gonna do?” 

Evan stares at the ground between them for a beat, and when he looks up at Tommy, his eyes are glassy. Tommy gulps at the expression. He’s only seen Evan upset enough to cry a handful of times, and none of those moments have ever felt like this.

“I’m sick,” he rasps.

Tommy steps toward him, brushing his knuckles over Evan’s cheek and closing the space between them. “Okay. I’ll take you home. You’ll be better in a few days-..” 

“No,” he growls lowly, his brow furrowing in frustration as he takes a half-step back. “Tommy. I’m sick.” 

The older man stares at him for what feels like an age, whatever he’s saying not fully registering for him. Evan’s shoulders sink with a breath. 

“I have leukemia.” 

Something like a laugh comes out of Tommy’s mouth, but it’s not because he thinks the moment is funny. He shakes his head as he looks back at Evan. “No. You’re- you’re thirty-three. You’re perfect-…”

“No. No,” Evan stammers, shaking his head, biting on the inside of his lip briefly. “I found out a year and a half ago and I’ve stopped responding to treatments.” 

Tommy stares at him with that same expression for a moment, quiet as he runs Evan’s words over in his head. He licks his lips and then sets his jaw for a moment. “So why didn’t you tell me?” 

Evan inhales a deep breath as tears run over his waterline, shaking his head. “The doctors said i should go on living life as best I could. I- I didn’t want anybody to be weird around me.” His voice pitches higher as his emotions take over, his chin trembling. 

“Including me?” Tommy asks, and he’s not yelling but his voice has picked up in volume. 

“Especially you,” Evan replies, his resolve completely falling apart. 

Tommy turns his head away as anger fully overtakes him at what he’s being told. 

“You know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened,” Evan tells him, and Tommy’s not sure if it’s the moment, or the new information, but it’s like he’s seeing Evan with brand new eyes, seeing what’s been in front of him the entire time. His sallow cheeks, the purple lines around his eyes, the way his skin isn’t as pink as it was when they first met. “I never saw you happening. And I do not need a reason to be angry about this.” 

Tommy stares at him, anger still present on his face. Evan shakes his head again, stepping further away, but he only gets two or three more paces away before Tommy reaches out and grabs his wrist, pulling him back in. 

“Wait, wait,” he rasps, pulling Evan back in close. 

“I’m sorry,” Evan replies, his voice hoarse as Tommy bumps his nose up against Evan’s, resting their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you sooner.” 

Tommy shakes his head, blinking away the tears in his own eyes. “No, I made you do too many things-…” 

“No no no,” Evan argues, lifting his head and leaning back just enough to see Tommy clearly. “If anything, you’ve kept me healthy longer.” 

Tommy gulps, taking a breath. He releases one of Evan’s arms and brings his fingers back up to his face, brushing against his jawline as his eyes skate over the younger man, trying to memorize him. He takes a breath. 

“Are you scared,” he asks. 

“To death,” Evan replies. Tears quickly flood Tommy’s eyes and run over and he looks away from him, his chin dropping. “Lighten up.” 

“It’s not funny,” Tommy argues, looking back up at him. His other hand slides off of Evan’s wrist and around his back, pulling him closer. Evan takes a breath and then leans his forehead back against Tommy’s again, and Tommy closes his eyes, tries to breathe against the ache settling into his chest. When Evan pulls away and looks back up at him, his eyes are red-rimmed and lined with tears.

“I’m scared of not being with you,” he admits, his voice choking off into a whisper at the end as blue meets blue. 

Tommy clenches his jaw, shaking his head as both of his hands come back to Evan’s face, pulling him closer. “Baby, that’ll never happen.” 

Evan’s chest caves with a silent sob as Tommy presses his lips to his forehead and then pulls him in tightly. Evan curls his arms around Tommy’s shoulders, his tears running into the smooth material of the gray waffle-knit henley he’s wearing. 

There are a million things he wants to say. I love you. Don’t leave me. Fight harder. Stay for me. I love you. But in that moment, all he can do is breathe and hold Evan closer, tighter. 

[sodasticks]

hangin out!!! <3

[dnncats]

he's a heart attack in black hair dye

(gerard in that one photo from mcr firefly!)

[doyouknowhowtowaltz]

[rnmyn]

么么

Thought process months ago: drawn like a moth(xian) to a flame (hgj) >> "if only there was an insect that lights up" >> sitting up in cold sweat at 3am a few days after, realizing fireflies exist Σ੧(❛□❛✿)

—

support me on ko-fi ☆

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

How would Moon react if the cutie fairy Sunny actually exploded from all the true compliments?

Probably go blind

[feroluce]

Thinking tonight about Caelus, and the nature of his loss and his grief after the Everything that went down in Penacony during 2.0.

Because Acheron, Black Swan, and Misha kind of knew of Firefly, they at least met her, but they didn't like really know her, and Caelus never even got the chance to introduce her to the rest of the Astral Express Crew. The only person who would have talked to her much was Sparkle, who is. Probably not really someone Caelus is interested in grieving with skznmsks

Anyway, all this to say, I like thinking about how alone poor Caelus is in his grief, because he was the only one who knew Firefly. He's the only one really mourning her. There's no one to talk about her with. There's no stories to trade or memories to reminisce with anyone over. It's not as though he knew her for long, but still. No one else knew her at all.

And I love the thought of all of this coming bubbling up, hot and acidic and bitter, during a conversation with Sampo, who Caelus just so happens to run into in the Golden Hour. Poor Sampo is kinda blindsided, he knew shit was going down in Penacony, but yeesh. And he just. Isn't quite sure what to say about it all, because he's never really encountered this before. His feelings about the Masked Fools are...a mixed bag, but he's been a part of them for a very long time, and when you're with a close organization like that, it's hard to feel alone, in grief or otherwise.

So Sampo sits there on their little bench that the two of them have occupied, and he thinks of his old friend April, how she'd died in his arms cackling and spitting her own blood after a heist gone wrong, and how after he'd dragged himself back to the World's End Tavern they'd all held a Fool's Funeral- which is basically just a big party where everyone gets really really drunk and reminisces and toasts the dead and celebrates their life.

He still thinks about her a lot, and he remembers how the time he'd most keenly felt her absence was on Jarilo-VI, the one place where he couldn't talk about her because he couldn't say anything to give himself away as an alien. The Fools still tell stories about her every time he goes back to the Tavern. His first toast of the night is always in her name. Even now, all these years after she'd died, Sampo is still learning new things about her. He's never had to grieve her alone.

Caelus doesn't have any of that.

He might never have that. As they speak, Caelus has no proof that Firefly was even her real name, or if she dreamt with her true appearance. He might not ever find out who she even was.

And just imagining that kind of loneliness hollows out a strange little pit, right behind his sternum, deep between his ribs.

So Sampo claps Caelus' shoulder and offers him a deal. Come find him outside of the dream. He knows a guy who can get them a lot of beer for really cheap-

("Is that guy you and your five finger discounts?" "Whatever do you mean, dear friend, I don't even know the meaning of the phrase, hehee.")

-and they can hole up in a bar or a hotel room or something, and get completely shitcanned. Tell him all about Firefly, tell him everything, and he'll tell Caelus about April and everyone else he's ever lost. Sampo will carry Caelus' memories of Firefly with him, and at least this way, Caelus will be a little less alone in remembering her. And the next time they cross paths, Sampo will be the one to bring her up, and to tell her stories, and Caelus can get to be the one listening. He won't have to be the only person to talk about her anymore.

Caelus rolls his eyes when Sampo avoids another remark about sticky fingers, but...ok, yeah. That sounds good. Nice, even. Thank you. Caelus bumps his shoulder against Sampo's. Sampo bumps back.

(They find each other again the next day, and true to their word, get themselves completely and utterly shitcanned. Caelus talks more than Sampo has ever heard him; every minute detail, every word choice, Firefly's every odd little mannerism and habit. Because Caelus wants to make sure this will outlive him, that even if the Stellaron dwelling within him finally burns him to a crisp and he really does up and kick the bucket, or even, godforbid, if he forgets, he wants to make sure someone remembers her. She deserved that.)

((And it takes quite a while, after that. Caelus doesn't see Sampo again until after everything has settled down. On his last day in Penacony, he finds the guy slinking out of a seedy back alley and all but runs right into him. Sampo happily leads him to some dive bar in an even seedier back alley that Caelus has never even heard of, and Sampo raises his glass. "To Firefly! Who sounds like she probably would have hated me at first, but I would have liked to have met her anyway."

And Caelus stares at him, almost looking startled, long enough that Sampo worries that he's read him wrong and brought this up too soon. He's halfway into planning how to talk himself out of this situation when Caelus finally throws back his head back and laughs, tells him that yeah, Firefly would have politely called him out on every lie he told, and all their conversations would take twice as long with the way Sampo is so full of shit.

And he can see it, the same way he watches and sees through everyone, that Caelus' eyes have a tightness to them, his knuckles are nearly white around the handle of his mug. But he smiles. He hits his glass against Sampo's far too hard and throws it back and gets foam everywhere like he does every time they drink because the guy's about as elegant as a raging bull, but those things don't lessen the genuineness of his smile.

The grief is there, but so is the elation, and those emotions aren't a sliding scale between one or the other. It is all of both and both at once, and that's what contents Sampo enough to throw his own mug back when Caelus makes a toast of his own, "to April!!".))

[yellowymellon]

I will never get over Sam being used as a barbecue grill 😭😭

Or how silver wolf invited screwllum to watch the aetherium wars festival and he came even tho he doesn't like the game, goals

Or how the SH have a great credit record, they mess with IPC but not the IRS

Or that none of them can open alt accounts apparently? Not even elio and SW is annoyed by the fact

Or that blade plays with SW? And SW takes firefly out to play n stuff

I love how the stellaron hunters' lore is just bits and pieces here and there and you have to read even the most random things to know a tiny bit

[speedy-beans]

diversity win! this buggirl is disabled AND trans!

[valtsv]

rereading old chatlogs from a dead rp server and i can't get over the fact that Annie's response to his future boyfriend telling her "yeah so everything i touch rots and dies" was to say "i actually find the stages of decay so interesting. if you ever wanted to show me i'd come over to watch." serial killer couple of the year!

[deny-the-issue]

"When you see deer, think of me."

I painted this to remember and honor my dad, whom I miss every single day.

[kinardsevan]

Title: Never Til Now (Rolling Up The Welcome Mat) Rating: M (for themes) Warnings: n/a Summary:

"Maybe there’s something about tangibility, about holding the real thing versus just the idea of it, but it cracks something open in him that hasn’t existed in a long time. Because all of a sudden, he can’t imagine not having this. Not getting to see Evan like this, every day. And it’s barely been thirty seconds."

-

In March 2025, with plans to propose, Tommy realizes Evan wants kids. the problem is, Tommy doesn't.

In November of the same year, in a happenstance exchange, he meets their baby girl.

(OR, we take a trip through a dual timeline in which the idea and reality of having kids drives Evan and Tommy apart, and then brings them back together.)

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

OH. Protect Tallulah. and this first event is protecting eggs. I bet those egg videos on twitter were foreshadowing for these purgatory events

[fatuismooches]

Honestly- fragile reader hits close to home for me. I don’t often disclose details about my personal life, but I see too many similarities with how the reader is depicted with their illness. I have chronic issues with my body, which prominently include shaky hands and fatigue. Being shaky is aggravating for me. It makes me unsure of my movements and constantly makes me untrustful of my body, especially with my hands. So when I read back on some of your fics that include reader dealing with their symptoms it genuinely feels nice to read. I can’t help but imagine reader also having issues with trusting their body to work and feeling frustrated that they can’t get up from bed due to fatigue. Is that projecting? Yes, but I seriously cannot help it. fragile reader is comforting in a way I can sympathize with and understand, which is so cool 4 me.

I remember one of your fics involving fragile reader breaking a glass once. Thinking about it now, I remember all the times I had to be careful pouring a drink because of how shaky I was. Luckily, I never broke a glass. There were close calls though... We need more fragile reader appreciation!! 

Anywho I hope you're doing well, smooches! I love your latest fic, it is super sweet. also reading in the summer heat is not for the weak LOL

❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing this with me Tom, it must have taken a lot of courage!! I cannot imagine how truly frustrating and tiring that must be for you and I am sorry, but I am really happy I am able to help you in some way with fragile reader writing, and i sincerely appreciate your appreciation for it! :) And yes Reader would totally feel that way. But Dottore and the segments (or the harbingers in general) would be patient and understanding toward you, take care of you and do whatever they need to make your life even a bit easier. Although they can't really take the feelings away, they would always be by your side when you need it. (And don't worry about projecting, that's welcomed here!)

I'm super happy you liked the fic!! I am also doing well, minus the fact i hate summer- i totally understand, the main reason the fic took so long to write was bc my motivation was sapped by this heat... 💀 i hope to begin working on a Dottore x fragile reader series + another fluff fic (need to write before school opens again 😔) but we'll see what the weather has to say about that... anyway, stay safe and HYRDATED out there. I hope you are doing well too!

[chemicalarospec]

my dad invited me and my brother to watch Firefly with him and it's actually really good??? (idk why I expected it not to be-- probably because the last time I tried one of his old Spaceship Shows (the one with the puppets) it was too sexist and too slow to get through.) First of all it should have been ILLEGAL for them to not have a single Chinese character in this show, but as a Chinese person I do like the aesthetics of the show and how they mashed up traditional Western and Chinese styles. The pronunciation is hilariously bad (IF ONLY THEY HAD A CHINESE ACTOR, HUH), but I like it because it's funny. (Me and my brother do laugh out loud every time.)

But the characters are actually so good?? First of all we got THREE FOUR (I didn't count right lmao) female main characters, no smurfette principal here! One of them doesn't even have any implied romance so far okay technically River doesn't but I was thinking of Kaylee and she has a crush on Simon lol. Kaylee, my favorite -- I LOVE how her appreciation of girly feminine stuff is portrayed as something that should NOT be mocked and does not negate her more "masculine" role as the mechanic and that she can nerd out WHILE being feminine. There's also how Mal, the main character, and Zoe, his first mate, have a longstanding and deep connection that's entirely platonic! Men and women CAN just be friends! Do note, Zoe (who is awesome btw) is married to another man, the pilot who is honestly so far the most boring character, and Mal is interested in Inara. Who, speaking of, I also love how so far Inara's profession as a (unionized it seems!) sex worker is treated with respect. River is the most ~okay~ in terms of sexist writing as a weak and mysterious and mentally unwell but sexy woman, but since she's not the only woman it doesn't feel like a big deal. (I feel like she's going to become more grounded, at least I hope so because I want to see more of her personality!) Misogynistic comments are challenged when made! Of course the writing isn't perfect but it's a LOT better than what I expected (and if a modern show didn't do the things I'm praising here I would be offended btw).

Also River's brother Simon is a complete dandy (I think it would be stereotyping for me to call him gay lmao), I love that for him. Episode one he bleeds from his mouth like a dying c-drama boy-- I just had a Vision of the resemblance and now I can't get it out of my head, all he needs to do his open his eyes super wide and then he'd be a dying c-drama boy. He cares for his sister so much, it's super sweet even though he REALLY sucks at dealing with psychosis(? would that be the term to describe her episodes?). Book is an instant icon of course, he's just there forcibly being the moral compass lol. Christianity in space smh. Despite being mr sexism I also love Jayne's character - he's funny (love a guy who's always trying to kill) and the question of his loyalty is intriguing. Mal is a kind of a Generic Protagonist Man but his backstory is solid enough that means his brooding attitude actually makes sense. The "Badger" side character is funny/interesting too, and my bro says he looks like Captian Sparklez haha. (Wash (Zoe's husband) is there. Sometimes he's funny.)

Going back to the design, I am partial to Victorian or whatever aesthetics, so I love how they threw that in along with the cowboy thing, and there's a lot of individual pieces merging Chinese aesthetics with that that I think do a great job. It speaks to my mixed heart <3. The costuming is actually so fun (mostly speaking to crowd scenes), so many characters get to wear distinctive outfits . Also kind of Killjoys vibes because they say "shiny" haha. I respect how space shots have no environment noise, only cowboy music lollll. Visual effects are interesting; you can always Tell but it does seem to me the best they could do at the time.

Wow this post turned out longer than I expected. So a recommendation for Firefly I guess! Forewarning, the parts with the "Reavers" are pretty dark/grotesque -- actually, there's significant violence throughout the show, the Reavers are just the worst.