#related but I think I could be a really good programmer if I tried but I simply don’t have the time to learn a language rn

[ribbedpleasure]

proud member of the only mostly-technologically-capable generation. born to programmers who’ve been studying that stuff since the 80s, raised to at least know where my fucking downloads are. show my brother who is 5 years younger than me a vpn and he will shit a blood vessel

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate: Chapter 16

Warnings: trauma related, abuse, bondage, reader has flashbacks, stockholm syndrome, assumed sexual assault but uncertainty if true, uncomfortable scenes

The first few days were hard for Y/N. She felt lonely and craved physical affection. Jisung was still not back and she was worried Chan and Hyunjin were torturing him. Some of the wolves spoke to her, like Seungmin and Chan who made sure to check in on her but she still felt isolated. Not as isolated as her dream. Even Felix and Minho completely refused to make any verbal contact with her. Y/N wanted to beg Chan to make it stop so she could apologise to the wolves and make the bond better.  She even made a list in her bedroom on how she could fix it. Her biggest priority was Felix, her ray of sunshine was now an icy wolf. Y/N wanted to apologise to him, even if he didn't want to hear it, it would be enough. The next grumpy wolf on her list was Hyunjin. She wanted to understand him and learn how to please her alpha but she found him difficult to be near sometimes. For the simple reason that she never actually saw him that often. Then there was Minho, he was another one she did not understand but she still wanted to check in on him. Jeongin was another alpha who she desperately wanted to get to know him but knew he was still learning and was at his vital stage of growing and gaining power. Y/N had no intention of disrupting his journey, she only wished to get to know him than mere passings. Y/N wanted to ask Chan when he came back if they could spend time together if he was ready, but Y/N was patient. Seungmin and Changbin were comfortable and happy with her. Both made efforts to talk to her despite the circumstances. Y/N sighed as she looked at her list. The only way she could bond with them was by using words as actions were prohibited. In all honesty, her ass had turned black and was rather sore, which she did not appreciate. She had never seen it so black, ever. Focus Y/N. Focus. Y/N placed her hand on her head tapping it in frustration. She was an omega for goodness sake and she couldn't even please her pack. She got it right the first time so why did she get it wrong the second time? Y/N shook her head and forced herself to find Felix.

Felix was sat downstairs in the living room watching one of his programmes with Seungmin. He seemed to be in a better mood but not his usual self and Y/N hoped she could reconcile with him.

"Felix-ssi?" Y/N called out as she plopped down in front of his feet, leaning her head against the sofa, making sure she didn't touch him. Felix didn't respond to her and carried on watching his programme so Y/N tried again.

"Felix-ssi. I am sorry for getting you into trouble. I am really sorry if I caused you more pain. I only want to fix it." Y/N pleaded but was met with silence.

"Felix. Y/N-ssi is speaking to you." Seungmin spoke as he turned off the TV.

"I heard her. I have nothing to say to her." Felix answered.

"Don't you think that's unfair? Y/N has been through enough as it is. She didn't ask for this-"

"Neither did we Seungmin. Neither did we. We didn't ask to be given a broken omega. We didn't ask for all this trouble, but everything seems to follow her." Felix shouted, causing the female wolf to drop her head in shame. Y/N accepted Felix's outburst, his feelings were valid but she didn't know what else to do.

"Felix, stop!" Seungmin shouted as he threw down the remote. He was sick of all the arguments.

"Felix has a point, Seungmin. It's not even been two months yet and almost all of us have been punished by Hyunjin. She doesn't even know how to be an omega!" Minho shouted, his words burning deep into her body.  She doesn't even know how to be an omega. He has a point. His words were true. Everything she thought she did know was gone. Two months I've been here and I've caused a pack to divide because of me. Jisung is downstairs because of me. Felix killed San because of me. San died because of me. It's all my fault. Y/N stood up, ignoring the shouting matches around her as she made a decision. An irrational decision? Maybe, but Y/N needed to put things right.

"I'm going to put it right," Y/N spoke up but they ignored her, only scoffing at her words. "I'll go to Hongjoong."

Y/N ran out of the house and phased into her wolf form without a second thought heading straight into the woods. Her heart burned with determination as she broke through the clearing. She was close to the border of Wraithwood. She could smell its dark essence. Y/N sped up, ready to bolt towards the clearing when something tackled her with a snarl.

"You will not go." The brown wolf growled, almost challenging her. He was an alpha, but she did not recognise him. Y/N challenged the alpha with a growl ready to pounce when the alpha ordered her to sit down.

"Jeongin?" Y/N called out as the werewolf paced, ready to block her moves.

"Yes. I didn't mean to frighten you, but what you are doing is wrong. You cannot go back to them. We are your mates." Jeongin stressed, his dark brown eyes looking deep into hers.

"No. I'm not leaving. I wanted to put it right and talk to Hongjoong. I don't want a war." Jeongin huffed at her words and trotted over to her, nuzzling his head into her neck as he tried to calm her.

"You're so brave but it would not work. Trust me it would not. Hongjoong would never let you come back." Jeongin explained as his snout nuzzled against hers.

"I want to put it right." Y/N pleaded with the young alpha.

"You put it right by staying with us. Do not let Felix and Minho hyungs anger cloud your judgement. Hyunjin ssi tells me you're smarter than Hongjoong himself so why have you forgotten all your wisdom? Why have you forgotten who you are." Jeongin asked.

"I'm scared of Jeongin. I'm scared of being treated badly all over again. I'm scared of people having high expectations. I'm scared of being actually loved." Y/N admitted.

"No one has expectations of your omega." A black wolf called out. "No one has treated you badly, you're imagining it. Almost craving it. You see the good in Hongjoong that is not even there, Y/N. He brainwashed you and all your views you ever had. That's why it hurts so bad to see San killed. It felt like you had killed him."

"I feel like I'm missing the whole plot here," Jeongin explained as he looked between her and Hyunjin's wolf.

"She misses Hongjoong. She loves him. Y/N believes that everything Hongjoong did was in her best interest. Every time he punished her she would do her best to please. Her existence only existed if he was there. She could only breathe if he was there and the only way she could survive was by pretending that it was all because he loved her. Yet, that pretend feeling accidentally moulded itself into reality. She accidentally rewired her own brain to survive which lead to Seonghwa being allowed to punish her more. Locking her in a dark room as he taunted her, slowly dragging her until she went mad. But still she somehow managed to fight her way out and now her brain is still trying to justify his actions, because she's afraid of the reality. She's afraid to recognise that she was going to be used in a ritual so her brain tells her we're the enemy."

"How do you know that," Y/N whispered, slowly backing away. He can't know that.

"I can know that Y/N. Which is why I'm telling you to accept that your feelings were real but you need to let them go. It's time to come to terms with that and I'll help you, just like you helped me." Hyunjin whispered while Jeongin nuzzled himself into the omega, trying to piece together what the older alpha was explaining.

"He's right omega. We can help you get past this. We will listen to whatever story." Jeongin promised as he felt the wolf whine out in pain. Images of her struggles flashed through the male's mind.

Jeongin shuddered as he saw her reliving her darkest moments. He saw Hongjoong's menacing eyes burning deep into hers. He saw the way Hoongjoong's fingers gently touched her body, caring tentatively to her before they shifted into bloodied hands that grasped her throat as he whispered cruel things to her. The way he changed from a proud alpha to a disappointed one. He saw the way Seonghwa babied her as he carried her around, spoiling her, only for him to edge her closer and closer to their goals. He saw the way the wolves pleasured her as a group, driving her to every brink of madness and he couldn't tell if she wanted to or wanted to. Jeongin wanted to be sick as her images flashed through him. He tried to be strong like Hyunjin who allowed her to break in confidence. He wanted to be a strong alpha for her. He wanted to protect himself from all the horrors of the world. He wanted to show her how much better the world is but he wasn't strong enough, not yet, but he will be.

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd @pixie0627 @wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld

[max1461]

I don't typically feel at home with "nerds" (in the sense of "programmer type guys"), because I feel there is something important about the world that very often they cannot see, and I am going to try to articulate what it is.

First, a digression.

My extended family is... well, most of them are not really evangelicals (insofar as they're Christian at all, they're not very good Christians and they mostly don't seem to care), but culturally they're part of the vulgar evangelical milieu; the sort of people to whom prosperity gospel megachurch pastors appeal. Years ago when I was about to start college, my uncle came to visit, and I told my him that I was going to study math. He's a smart guy, and started telling me about how he was always good at math in school, and telling me stories about the various times he'd used math (meaning, basically, elementary algebra) to great effect in his various business ventures. That's what he understands: business, making money... to put it less charitably (though I say this with considerable affection): scheming. So he tried to speak the language of making money to me about it. When he asked me what I wanted to do with my math degree (by implication: what sort of scheming was I looking to get involved in) I said something to the effect of "there are all kinds of job opportunities you have with a math degree, but that's not really why I'm studying it—I really just want to understand math at a deeper level". I remember the look on his face when I said that very clearly. It was utter bafflement. Not because he hated math or something, but because I genuinely don't think the concept of "wanting to understand something at a deeper level for its own sake" had ever occurred to him. The inherent appeal of understanding the world is, I think, not something which exists (or exists very strongly) in his emotional landscape. He is blind to that part of the human experience which drives scientists to be scientists.

Well, that's alright. He's a schemer and not a scientist by nature. Some people are that way. I like my uncle well enough, and I enjoyed talking to him on that visit. But he's not someone I would try to share my love of math or linguistics with; on both accounts I don't think there is anything I could say to make him get it.

Why do I bring all this up? Well, one way in which I relate to programmer type guys is that we both like math, and I think we like for basically the same reason. And I think most programmer type guys will have met someone like my uncle, someone who seems like they fundamentally cannot see the appeal in this thing which drives you so strongly, this thing which is so great a part of your emotional landscape. I'm sure a lot of you will know the exact feeling I had during the above interaction. You are so fascinated by these questions about how the world works, and how it can be rationally understood, and this other guy basically seems like he just... can't even comprehend what it's like to be motivated by that. It's so completely foreign to him, and his perspective is thus completely foreign to you.

We are all, sometimes, this uncle.

Part of why I am interested in linguistics is because I have this deep urge to explore the world (by this I mean principally: the human world). I have this desire to travel, to talk to people, to see and experience different places and different ways of doing things. I want to go to various places and see what they look like, and meet the people there and hear what they have to say, and so on and so forth. There is an "openness to experience" element to this, but that is very insufficient to characterize the thing I am trying to articulate; for instance, I have little interest in psychedelics or other prototypical "high openness to experience" type activities. To me, there is an ineffable vibe that every place seems to have (a "place" in this sense could be as large as a country or a small as a particular bar), and the vibes of nested places are like layers on top of one another that make being in the world feel like an extremely rich experience. Learning languages and learning about languages gives me this window into other places, which is extremely appealing, and furthermore I can access it to some degree from my own home, which is nice. Of course doing this from my bedroom is not enough, I want to actually go, to wander around, and in those times when I've gotten the chance to do so I have felt that it was very much everything I had imagined it to be.

When I try to talk to programmer type nerds about this aspect of myself, I often feel much the same as when I was trying to talk to my uncle about wanting to study math. They just don't seem to have any sort of reference for what I'm talking about, these emotions have never occurred to them in any significant way, and they can't figure out how to relate. I believe this is, in essence, the source of my frequent abrasions with rattumb, and why I have basically bounced off of coding for cultural reasons time and time again in my life, even though conceptually it's exactly the sort of thing that interests me. For reasons of nature or nurture, programmer guy personality traits rarely co-occur with wanderluster personality traits, they just don't seem to go together. And so in spaces like, well, this one, I'm just left feeling like nobody can quite relate to what I am getting at a good chunk of the time, and the consequence of this is that I feel emotionally impoverished. That's not anybody's fault for being a different sort of guy than me, and I'm sure there's stuff about which I'm the confused uncle (in fact, I know there is: the appeal of psychedelics, meditation, and other "transcendence" based activities is one of these things for me). Idk, just thought that was something worth expressing.

[amourdeslangues]

i wish i'd been encouraged to develop my skills in maths more when i was at school

because i feel like i could actually have been really good at it! i remember when i was a lot younger and very interested in maths, and i even participated in a couple of maths competitions... but everyone was always focusing on how i excelled at languages and writing and creative things, and it never really occurred to me that i could be good at maths and science

and i remember being so enthusiastic about the subject when i was in seventh grade (8th, maybe? not sure), participating in class all the time, trying really hard. and at the end of term, even though i aced the exams, my grade for in-class participation was way lower than i expected it to be. my teacher told me "you speak up a lot, i can see you're trying, but you make too many mistakes. it's not good enough."

so for... idk... 12-year old me, the logical conclusion was that i just suck at this. i liked the subject, but i wasn't good enough at it, and i never would be.

not long after that, the pandemic started. during lockdown, no one gave a shit whether you were putting in effort and doing well or not. (once i didn't hand in any assignments for two months, which is a whole other story to unpack, and nobody ever reached out to me.) so there was no one to encourage me, to say - hey, you could be good at this if you put in the effort.

that didn't change until 11th grade. i had a maths and chemistry teacher who actually made class enjoyable, who made me want to try my best.

we had to do a test at the beginning of the year so he could gauge our strengths and weaknesses and plan the lesson accordingly, and i got... idk... 98% or something? far ahead of everyone else. i was top of my class in every exam that followed. i discussed concepts that interested me with this teacher. i remember two occasions where i worked on finding proofs for theorems we'd talked about in class, because i felt like the general lessons weren't in-depth enough and i wanted to gain a better understanding.

this teacher was the first one to notice my interest in that sort of thing. he tried to convince me to take part in a programme that would allow me to attend university-level maths classes while still being in high school (pretty uncommon where i live, but not unheard of). he even talked to my mum about how i was gifted and how my skills had to be nurtured and developed. i was baffled. i had been thinking of myself as being mostly mediocre at anything STEM-related up until very recently, and i still had a really hard time imagining myself in that field.

i ultimately declined the offer to take maths at uni. while i felt flattered, some part of me still couldn't comprehend that it was actually realistic, and i thought i'd be better off focusing on my high school studies and graduating with top marks. after all, maths weren't my true passion, right? i've always been into literature and languages and there's never been a doubt that my career is going to be in that field. so... best to keep everything the way that it was.

(side note: i did, however, follow this teacher's suggestion to take part in chemistry competitions, which i'm still really grateful for, and had a lot of fun doing)

the following year, i had a different maths teacher, who was nice, but i never got the impression that she really cared. i aced all my exams without really thinking much about that fact, continued working hard with graduation as the primary goal. i still looked for more in-depth material on my own when i had some spare time, read a couple of books on advanced mathematics, still tried to understand the logic behind the theorems that we were taught as unquestionable facts, still tried to formulate my own proofs occasionally.

i got a perfect score on my final maths exam (as well as on the other finals) and graduated high school.

lately i've just been thinking of what i could have had. i feel like i'm looking back and seeing so many missed opportunities, so much wasted potential. what might have been if i hadn't stopped participating in maths contests at some point, if i'd gone on to higher levels of competition? if i'd been encouraged to learn about the subject beyond the curriculum (which i now think i would have been capable of)?

maybe i wouldn't have excelled. maybe i would have ended up being... not mediocre exactly, but skilled in comparison to other students my age rather than in general. i think i would have had fun, if nothing else - but maybe i would have decided that it wasn't for me after all.

but i never got to find out. i never really tried. i was not even encouraged to entertain the possibility of trying until i felt like it was already too late. and that's what bugs me, that remaining thought of: what if?

i don't want to go around blaming my past teachers, my schools, my social environment. maybe the fact that i didn't persevere despite all of this shows that i wasn't passionate enough about the subject after all.

but still, i wonder what could have been, and i don't know what to do about it.

[vriendenboekjes]

I was tagged by @evebabitzgf sorryyyy for being so late i forgot.... but so fun to get tagged thanks so much ^-^

Are you named after anyone? My first name was picked for its meaning but for my 2nd name i was named after my maternal grandma :)

When was the last time you cried? i have no idea. probably sometime in the past few weeks and probably thesis stress related

Do you have kids? i do not 😁

What sports do you play/have you played? i used to do ballet, jazz and contemporary dance, swim, i did kickboxing for a while but it wasn't for me + i tried a bunch of different sports. And these days i still love swimming whenever i get around to it, but i walk (almost) every day and i try to do at-home calisthenics and sometimes cardio. And i still love dancing sooo much but i don't do it in any structured way

Do you use sarcasm? not as much as i used to, im pretty genuine these days except i do tend to understate things

What’s the first thing you notice about someone? (hairstlyle and) outfit.... sorry for living in fashion world regarding first impressions. Also generally ... uhm "the vibe"

Eye color? green-ish/hazel

Scary movies or happy endings? can't they have both....

Any talents? no.

Where were you born? the hospital :D

Hobbies? Playing lute/guitar, knitting, MUSICCCC, reading (when i have time), writing (when i have the mental capacity), (ONLINE) SHOPPINGGGGG (it's a disease), watching figure skating, going for a walk is like a necessity at this point so i don't know if i can still call it a hobby

Any pets? no but my parents have a dog :) and i helped out a lot when he was still young so we have a good bond

Height? 173 something

Favourite school subject? school is too long ago so i'll say my English teacher + mentor from classes 4-6 was great he could make anything fun.

But regarding courses i think my favourite, or what left the biggest impression, might have been on dramaturgy/scenography because we got to interview a dramaturg and i was appointed group leader (we were with 13 or so) and i got to be a control freak and moderate the conversation and there i learned that i don't actually suck at that kind of stuff. and kind of enjoy the responsibility.

Dream job? i think working as a programmer for a theatre or festival would be so much fun! But i'd really love a job where i will feel useful or where it will feel like my job is actually meaningful. I want to try 50 million things except life as a freelancer sounds horrible to me and they barely let people fuck around anymore. you need a degree + experience for a starter function. sorry i thought this was a STARTER function...

tagging: @watermotif @liefdesbriefjes @hiperbaton @beautifel @homoerotisch @esceience @tunisian and anyone else that feels like it :3

[guzsdaily]

Automating my day

Day 10 - Nov 15, 12.023

Today I activated my "morning trigger" like I talked about in the past entry. And who would think, it worked! Now I'm here in the morning writing this entry, will it also improve the rest of the day? I don't know, but it's a start.

Today's topic is something which I'm still trying to improve and working currently on making, but could be good to talk about, so it is easier to know what I'm planning to do.

Having a note-taking app

Something which I lacked for a lot of time in my life was a note-tacking app, and you probably already know about all the "having a second brain" type of talk and things like that. But for me, the best part of having one is not the "save everything you know" and things like that, but the fucking power that you can have to create a workflow for yourself and only yourself.

A lot of times I tried things like "productivity apps", but it always seems like even if you find something which is exactly what you want, someday you will think "why is X like that? It could be like Y and would really improve my life" - this is the exact problem that I'm having recently with time-tracking apps - and most of the time you can't really change that.

Because of these two problems, I like any other programmer, I thought on making my own productivity/note-taking app, but like any other programmer, I soon realized that I shouldn't do that and should just pick Obsidian - this is not sponsored or anything, and if it weren't for the fucking amount of work to create one, I would try to create an app for myself. - Using Obsidian itself for me, it's just a better choice because of two things: It stores everything in plain Markdown, which makes your notes not locked-in to the app; And Community Plugins, which pretty much end up giving you the power of turning it into any time of app or productivity software.

Templates

If you use any note-taking app you probably are familiar with note-templates, and in Obsidian is not that different, it has a core plugin that gives you templating functionality, but I never touched it because there's a community plugin that gives you a lot more power when creating templates: Templater. And I don't want to make a tutorial or list all the features, but just know that with it, you can use JavaScript (a programming language) to programmatically create yours templates.

Using it really helped me with my daily notes, because I can easily change the routine for each day when creating the template and or making sure that when I created a daily note, a weekly note is also created, and then a monthly, quarterly, and yearly, so I never forget to plan and fill things for each period of time. Yes, creating templates with this plugin can require a lot of times and needs you to have basic programming knowledge.

Something which I'm starting using said template (and with conjunction with other plugins like Periodic Notes) is specifying 1–4 projects to work on each month, so I can more easily program each week and focus on tasks of just one project - this workflow helps me not be so lost each day, because in the month I have a more filtered list of things to do during it - And trying to follow myself in day 8, I used Templater, so I don't need to do this process to manually, each time I create a monthly note a prompt appears to ask me how many and which projects I want to work on, all of them are gotten from my projects files in my directory/vault.

Obs. 1: Yes, it is somewhat slow until the first prompt, the way I programmed the banner fetching is not the best, and it ends up stalling the start of the note. It is a problem more related to me than the plugins, because I wanted to the banners/images be related to the year's season in some way. Obs. 2: The year in the title is 12023 and not 2023, this was something which I intentionally added just to be more different and because I was introduced to the concept of the "Human era calendar" by Kurzgesagt, or more correctly, the Holocene calendar. P.s. The date is wrong I know, I already fixed after recording the gif.

Data driven notes

But the limit with Templater is that, obviously, it just executes when you create a note and use a template. So how do I search, filter and organize things like tasks, events and other dynamic things? There are plugins for that too: Dataview and Obsidian Tasks. Both are somewhat simple to use even if you don't have programming skills, but Dataview also can be used with JavaScript and can be a lot powerful with it. Both of them have similar functionalityy, but are used in different aspects I would say, Dataview is more for visualizing about your notes and Tasks is more about managing, well, tasks in your notes.

I'm still working on this section of my workflow, but with Dataview I can easily visualize how my routine has been going, what projects I'm working most, and it just helps me more easily see some data and things such as "what is current quarter theme".

Tasks I'm currently just use for filtering and listing tasks for the day, week and month. It can be very powerful in conjunction with something like Templater.

An incomplete workflow

I have to admit that I'm still developing and tinkering with these plugins to help my workflow, and it can consume a lot of time, so I'm doing it in small steps - something which kinda sucks when you depend on said workflow to make things daily, and sometimes you need to or update all your older notes, or make somewhat backwards compatible with your past workflows. But it is fun for me in the end.

My current plan is mostly to focus on the periodic notes part of things, trying to separate tasks and ideas in each section of time:

Daily notes: list tasks for the day and routine checking;

Weekly: plan and organize projects' tasks for the upcoming days of the week;

Monthly: separate 1 to 4 projects to be focused on the month, no other project outside of these should be worked on primarily;

Quarter: visualize and give a direction on what I want to improve in the season. Choose a theme which will influence in the decisions in this period of time;

Yearly: visualization of work done, routine, etc. Pretty much just a big chunk of data related to that year in one note.

I hope that all of this can help me go in a direction that I want daily to improve myself and follow my small and big objectives. Will it work? I don't know, it is not so different from what I was doing before, and a lot depend on myself. But as I said in day 8, a lot of times automating what I need to do helps me and forces me to go in a direction at least.

And something that I wanted to talk about, but would be better in another post or blog, is trying to use lesser the mouse even in Obsidian. I still need to create more shortcuts, but in less button presses I need to do something, the less friction to do a task or something in a day. I can't really express why, but using fully the keyboard feels a lot more productive than with the mouse, that's even one of the reasons that Linux is my operating system, however it is a talk for another time.

Something which I hope to do in the future is build on top of this workflow of using Markdown and Obsidian to edit with things like auto-uploading/posting these daily journal entries. I write these entries in Obsidian before committing to Git and copying to Tumblr, and being able to just make everything automatic would again help not to distract myself when opening the website, but that a programming talk for the future.

Today's artists & creative things

Song: Five Nights at Freddy's (Goth remix) - by The Living Tomblestone (feat. Black Gryph0n & Baasik) - This is probably the most random one until today, but I simply cannot stop listening to it. The classic one is very nostalgic to me, but this one hits different, I never listened to this style and can't even find similar music easily personally, I love it. It is so crazy to think that now it is an official music and such a good reinterpretation of it.

Copyright (c) 2023-present Gustavo "Guz" L. de Mello <contact.guz013@gmail.com>

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International (CC BY-SA 4.0) License

[lin-cang]

Black Sands and theories.

It's been a minutes since the last time I sit and pour my clouds of thoughts in here. Life 's been in so many flavor to taste, but the best yet, in literal meaning, I found my love on Bali's brewery with their ultimate Black Sand IPA. Its bitter, fresh, airy, and from the moment I tried it with my friend, Indira, its the benchmark of the good kind of beer that I could actually appreciate it, not just liquid with spark pops in the middle. Around our many tall glass of IPA, me and Indira toying around the idea of being women in our generations. For the longest time, I didn't have a older figure to look up too because newsflash, I always being in the middle of younger crowds (don't ask why) so when I met Indira through his husband which is my senior at Youth Exchange Programme I feel that instant click!

She's a Leo, the same side of the element I was born into. Our conversation always lively and we jokes about taboo or old norms that we think its more than outdated. I remember when She sat next to me on a BBQ night in front of the bar. It was our third time move the seating because maybe we too comfortable. She look comfortable of course, wear blazers and sneakers, hair down, with pack of confident that makes people dart on her presence- very Laura Dern vibes Marriage Story version, while me, on my tennis uniform unbothered to change into something cute like what I initially planned to, digging the peanuts on the second bowl refill. The beauty standard and women presence always be the foundations of our starter talks, how I single woman like me put my self on work place and dating life nowadays, how She-the one who already married since she was teenager help me to straighten the ideas of being independent but also sexy in mind not just body. I often circling in my own ideas of idealism at any subject on my life, and most of the time I caught up on my own web of thinking, thats why having somebody more mature help me to lay out the urgencies of every idea that I'm eager to pour it in my life.

That night ended with some guy hitting on me (?) but I couldn't careless because I'm in the mood of being in my own presence. Something that for a long time I consider as a selfish trait, but hell, when your on your 30's the most important thing in this life is: you. Many weeks before that night, I always try to entertain someone else but not myself. When I go places always because of someone not because I want to. That thing ended when I already believe that in this track of life I chose, it is me myself, that I need to support, protect, and carry. I born to big things, bigger than my body, Ad Maiora Natus Sum. Those things that I spoke about during my drinks, during my speech to myself, maybe only the littlest thing that I need to be worry about. The bigger things is better. It will eventually elevate me as a person in all level of aspect in my life. I remember me and Indira joking about to make a podcast that hopefully will reach to the younger audience or whomever needed new perspectives about small things in life.

One time, I was sitting at my living room just need to wind down after work, and numbly browsing through movies on the Netflix catalog. It was boring but just before I fixated my mind, my pointer show me this "The Year I start Masturbating". A very provoking-but not really-title. It's a Swedish movie about 40yo woman who keen to have the second child before its too late, but apparently her boyfriend whom he share her first born with, didn't seem that eager, after that her almost perfect life went downhill in a snap. This is the kind of movie that accidentally suck up your attention because you feel relatable to the notions. I caught myself full attention to the next one and half hours grasping every nook and turn of the story. It is a quite simple story, but when life gets you to places of trial and errors this is the one you needed too, almost like when the main character Hannah get her shit together again, I feel like somehow, I will get the same trophy as she is after those rocky wonky life event. See, sometimes we need just somebody else to convince or introduce us to the theories, maybe also with nice pint of good beers.

[nervouscupcakeinspace]

BTS FIC RECS (PART 2)

Jeon Jungkook/Jung Hoseok | J-Hope

Don't Get Charmed by shikiso

When an injured omega is found on their territory, Jungkook's instincts scream danger. He is the pack's omega, they don't need another one. Jungkook is doing a good enough job by himself, protecting the den and soothing the tension off everybody's shoulders.

Why is the pack so adamant on keeping that useless omega in ?

They have Jungkook, they don't need Hoseok.

Why can't they even see his little game ? Hoseok definitely knows how to play the scared and helpless omega. But, if he manages to trick everybody, he can't trick Jungkook. He is immune to his sweet scent and sweeter eyes.

He won't fall into his trap.

Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin

Omega Drip by sugamongoose

Park Jimin is the kind of alpha who makes you coffee and asks about your day before reducing his partner to a crying, writhing mess on his organic cotton sheets. He doesn't even seem to care one bit that Jungkook is a broken omega who doesn't get wet when he's supposed to.

“Are you busy right now, alpha?” Jungkook asks, holding his breath in anticipation. He can already visualise getting on his knees for the smaller man, can imagine those soft-looking hands petting his hair in approval when he shows just how good his mouth is.

Jeon Jungkook/Kim Namjoon | RM

Every Kind of Way by Oh_Hey_Tae

And then he realizes, quite belatedly, that he’s not supposed to be shaking the hand of the barista. Because that’s weird. And uncalled for. And really, really weird.

So Jungkook draws back his arm, grips the straps of his backpack, and promptly flees the building without a word spoken. Which is fine. Sometimes you have to get out of awkward social situations and blacklist particular cafés and adjust your route to school to avoid said café and the barista with the heart shaped face and his sweet pea scented hands. It happens.

“Jungkook-ah, meet Kim Namjoon.”

And sometimes during your bi-weekly dinner one of your good friends introduces you to said barista with the terribly soft hands who also happens to be getting his masters in social work to help underprivileged youth in inner city neighborhoods. Which is fine. This is fine. Jungkook is doing just fine.

 (Or: Jungkook adores everything about Namjoon except that the man can't catch a clue.)

Here Is What I Know by Oh_Hey_Tae

There are flowers growing on Namjoon’s arm. They aren’t real flowers, of course. That would be absurd. Impossible. Ridiculous. But Namjoon spends most of his lecture on Kant watching the garden of ink bloom on his skin, beginning at his pinkie and spreading across his wrist, trickling down to his elbow, curling up and around his bicep and out of sight under the sleeve of his shirt. Irises and peonies and roses and sunflowers. The girl who’s sitting beside him is staring, and when caught, gives Namjoon a bright-eyed grin before glancing back to the board. Namjoon spots a faded smiley face inked into the skin of her thumb, what looks to be a grocery list scrawled over the back of her hand. Notes or reminders from her soulmate maybe. Soulmates. Huh. It looks like Namjoon has one of those now.

try to resist, i still want it all by exarite

At first, Namjoon doesn’t think much of him.

He looks familiar, but he’s too far away for Namjoon to really see or scent out his dynamic. He’s cute, but Namjoon's not new to cute boys either. He's far too used to handsome, and pretty, and everything in between in the industry.

But then he stands up. Namjoon's eyes catch on the swell of his belly, and every nerve in his body lights up, his mind going blank, and—

Oh, he breathes. He's pregnant.

::

Namjoon fucks a pregnant Jungkook.

just let me adore you by elle_O_moonchild *

Rockstar omega Jungkook has never let an alpha tie him down. He was independent, and happy, and had no need for a domineering knothead to mess up his career and lifestyle.

But powerful and wealthy alpha Namjoon only wants to spoil the pretty omega rotten.

or

A smitten alpha Namjoon gets a weary omega Jungkook to go on a date with him and shows him just how good they can be together…

Jeon Jungkook/Kim Seokjin | Jin

more and more and more by moonsuns

"If you haven’t had sex by the time you’re twenty, then I’ll have sex with you. That way you’ll have a guaranteed end date for your virginity.”

“Do you promise, hyung?”

"I promise."

The problem was, Seokjin never expected to be called on it.

you shouldn't give it to me (good like that) by jamaisvore

opposites in the eyes of the media, but a perfect match in each other's arms.

or: supermodel!jk x rockstar!jin

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM

Pull Me Under by Oh_Hey_Tae

It’s been two weeks. Hoseok has managed to survive two weeks of Kim Namjoon’s progressively darkening thighs and his cheek craters and his swooshy hair and that stupid laugh he does that makes him sound like a bleating sheep.

Yoongi looks over his shoulder. Stares. Slowly draws his gaze back to Hoseok. “Are we discussing the same man who tried to brush his teeth with sunscreen yesterday?”

“Ew, he did that?”

“Your voice says that’s disgusting but your face says you’re enamored.”

Hoseok presses his palms against his eyes until he sees colored spots. “Make it stop, hyung.”

  (Or: Hoseok works at a summer resort and Namjoon is the newest lifeguard. Chaos ensues.)

fall underneath by crycoby

“Is this secretly about your huge crush on Namjoon?” Jimin asks, his fingers digging into the back of Hoseok’s neck in a way that is frankly criminal. “You know that if you like him, you’re going to have to be more direct. He doesn’t like to assume things about people and… He overthinks a lot,” he finally settles on diplomatically.

Hoseok groans, half because of the pressure and half because the idea of talking about this, about any of this, about any of the gnarled mess that is the clutch of Hoseok’s emotions in the knot of his chest, gives him hives.

//

hoseok could talk about his big messy feelings about namjoon, or he could talk around them instead and just hope for the best. yeah. that sounds good.

Methods of Mutual Stress Relief by Only_A_Fangirl

Hoseok cringes, “How weird would it be if I actually asked to jerk off in here with you?”

“Very,” Namjoon answers instantly.

Hoseok nods, “You can choose the porn.”

Namjoon blinks, “Are you for real?”

lyre lyre lyre by oliviacirce

Namjoo regrets every life choice that has led her here, to the hard wooden floor of this dance studio, where she's lying on her back like a beached whale.

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Taehyung | V

the long and winding road by moonsuns

Hoseok is (basically) forced to go on vacation and leave his stressful idol life behind, at least for a little while. He wasn't expecting to find Taehyung, that's for sure. (He's glad he did, though.)

Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin

Procurement by FlyYouFools1 (WIP) *

Seokjin and Namjoon have waited decades for a little of their own. Taehyung just wants to pay for his little brother's education.

Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Taehyung | V

Dandelion Love (part of the (Not) Destined series) by almostsophie1

Taehyung is twenty-one when the word on his wrist turns ashen. The kind of love that soulmates share is forever out of reach.

(But enter one Kim Namjoon, who doesn't think the same.)

Kim Namjoon | RM/Min Yoongi | Suga

Bleeding Love by beebalm

Yoongi was already dressed and halfway to the door, nothing but a dry chuckle and a See you around when Namjoon asked for his number.

OR

It's not that Namjoon is hurt Yoongi only ever wanted him for a one night stand. And he doesn't have a crush. He just wishes they didn't have to keep seeing each other all the time.

Kim Namjoon | RM/Park Jimin

but i want it anyway by ameliabedelias *

Park Jimin’s roommate goes to study abroad for a semester. Kim Namjoon takes over the lease.

only lingering around you by moonsuns 

“I don't. I mean...this is going to sound awkward, but I’m...not really looking for a relationship right now.”

Namjoon considers, for a moment, elaborating and telling Jimin about everything with Hoseok, but there wouldn't be any point in that. And also, Namjoon is pretty sure that Jimin doesn't care about any of that anyway.

And he's right. At this, Jimin outright laughs. It isn’t a mean laugh, but Namjoon is pierced by the sound anyway. “Who said anything about a relationship, or even feelings? It’s just sex.”

Or, Namjoon and Jimin are friends with benefits.

Kim Seokjin | Jin/Min Yoongi | Suga

운명 (Fate) (part of the (Not) Destined series) by almostsophie1

Yoongi is part of that three percent population left without a soulmate word. It doesn't matter if he falls in love, because love isn't meant for people like him.

(Then he meets Seokjin.)

candy on my lips (part of the just desserts series) by moonbabie

Anonymous advice columnist and baby bi Kim Sujin meets queer club president Min Yoonji, and does the following: writes some cheesy advice columns, cuts her hair, and figures out her shit. (aka a queer romcom meets emotional constipation, self-discovery, and clueless wlw)

Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin

pull me closer in the backseat of your rover by moonsuns

Jimin had just wanted to get off. He didn't think he'd end up with a boyfriend at the end of it all.

Or, another friends with benefits AU.

Nip & Bloom by sugamongoose (WIP) *

The year is 2021, and yet traditional and oppressive views of alpha/omega relations run rampant in the Korean society. Unmated Park Jimin is placed in a government programme which pairs delinquent omegas with support mates to make them more comfortable in their submission. Jimin’s alpha for six months turns out to be Min Yoongi, a tiny music producer who wears fuzzy sweaters, and who won’t stop talking about his kitten Holly.

“You look like an omega,” Jimin blurts out. The strange alpha flashes him a smile that reveals the pink of his gums. “Is that something you prefer? I saw your file, and it said you identify as queer.” “Oh, you looked at my file just to see if I like to fuck other omegas? Knot swelling yet?”

POLY RELATIONSHIPS

OT7 - Relationship

indiscentsible by cloudyworld *

Jungkook had been a little disappointed when, after all the build-up and speculation, he'd presented as a beta. Betas are great! They play an important role in society: level-headed, big-picture thinkers, the solid foundation that holds everyone together. But that pull of instinct that comes with being an alpha or omega, the feeling of belonging... He was crushed at the thought he might never get to have that.

In a pack with three alphas and three omegas already, presenting beta was a gift; Jungkook learns to see that too.

Precious Mettle by glitterandgilt (WIP) *

Jin loved his nest. He'd built it very carefully from the ground up. Spent centuries on selecting the individuals he wanted to spend the rest of his immortal life with. He was proud of his nest and protected it with a possessive love that rivaled a dragon's guard on their trove.

Jin didn't get the chance to go through that evaluation process with his newest treasure. But he would never let it go.

Or

When Jin's blood is stolen and used to sire a new fledgling, Jin has two choices: to ignore the strands of magic binding him to his new childe, or to lay claim to another jewel for his collection. He chooses the latter and drags his entire nest into a situation none of them were anticipating.

Kim's Seven by Gobi17 (WIP) *

Jungkook, 17 year old YouTuber, is in awe of the 6 hot boys who have adopted him online.

Bangtan are a dangerous group of vigilantes who seize the opportunity to kidnap the stepson of their latest target.

Found Kin by Adaptive_Artist (WIP)

Jungkook is starving. Food doesn't make anything better, and his teeth ache like someone is hammering on them. He thought he was cursed. Turns out he's a hatchling kin, and is now the precious baby of the renowned Kim nest. He's also growing little fangs.

Huh.

love bites (series) by feraljk (WIP) 

Summary from the first fic:

newly-turned vampire jungkook still has a lot to learn, but his hyungs are there to help him. taehyung enlists yoongi and jin to teach the fledgling how to teethe and helps him discover how much of a bonding activity teething can be.

or: trans koo and tae teeth on their hyungs and also come

Isn't it lovely? (all alone) by hopefully2020

At age eighteen, all citizens are given a concentration that will determine their fields of study. A small empty square on their wrist will gain a color corresponding to their skill set. Everyone’s fear is that their square color is black, meaning they are destined for a life of crime. When Jungkook turns eighteen, he waits anxiously for his square to gain color, only to be presented with a blank square. He is shunned by his family, having to struggle through high school while trying to figure out what to do for the rest of his life. Jungkook's life gets flipped upside down on the day of his twenty-first birthday when the store he works at is robbed with Jungkook at the cash register. Fearing for his life he believes he is going to die, only to be saved by a figure in black with a mask covering his face. To make things even worse, Jungkook suddenly becomes the target of one of the largest drug syndicates, solely because of his new connection to his savior and five other men who turn out to be the biggest crime lords in Seoul. What happens then, you ask? Well, then the blank world Jungkook always saw starts to drip with black, just a little bit.

blueberry peaches (a serendipitous summer) by elle_O_moonchild (WIP)

Jungkook spends a life changing summer working at a beachside car wash and meets 6 new lovers who change his heart and life forever.

Jeon Jungkook/Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM 

Falling For an Alien From Amalthea 5 by Pyotr_Keats78 (WIP)

Jungkook has been in and out of the hospital for years with various medical problems. Eventually, his heart becomes so weak that no human medicine can save him. Believing he will die never having come out as trans to anyone, he gives up. That is until his brother Jimin tells him, “You have two choices, Jungah: you can stay here in this hospital and get high every day until your heart fails you, or you can go to Amalthea, grow a parasite, and live.”

Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin

Mentoring on Marsa by FlyYouFools1

Jungkook comes to the planet Marsa after being promised a full scholarship to Marsa National University. When the scholarship falls through, his academic advisor gives him the number for a mentoring service for newly stranded omegas on Marsa. With rent due, no way home, and no success in finding a job, Jungkook calls the number. The organization sends him Min Yoongi, a fellow omega who's been living on Marsa for 8 years. Yoongi teaches him how to survive. Jungkook's first attempt at survival is alpha couple Jimin and Taehyung.

Features: Yoongi doing his best to teach Jungkook how to manage handsy alphas, handsy alphas (like all of them are touchy) taking liberties with omega protagonists, and my best attempt at writing problematic but entertaining sex. A lot of fluff too, actually. The alphas are fluffy as hell with the omegas, and pamper them a lot, even though their actual behavior is wrong.

Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V/Min Yoongi | Suga

November (series) by cuttothequickk 

Summary from the first fic: 

Sometimes, Jeongguk gets so lonely he doesn't even feel alone anymore. He's practicing, and he's very good at it. Loneliness. Being alone. It's blustery cold, and the leaves are falling from the branches of trembling trees, and Jeongguk is alone in a big city, shivering without a jacket, trying desperately to keep himself warm.

There is no one, and then there is someone. Two someones. The lovely winter boys from Daegu, Taehyung and Yoongi, opposites and equals, so loving and in love.

It would be ridiculous, really, if Jeongguk didn't fall for them, too.

Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Kim Namjoon | RM/Min Yoongi | Suga

how, or when, or from where by moonsuns

“Stop calling it my quest,” Namjoon whines, and Hoseok laughs.

“You’re the one that said it first.”

“I was drunk.”

“Well, the bad thing about going out with people, is that you can’t take back the stupid shit you said when you were drunk. Especially when they’re way less drunk than you.”

Or, after Namjoon almost dies, he decides to go on a quest to live his best life, and takes Yoongi and Hoseok along for the ride.

(* Personal favorites)

MASTERPOST FIC RECS PART 1

[s0ym1lk]

I finished Disco Elysium last night and have come to the conclusion that it is, ironically, about learning how to honor history while also letting it go.

Disco Elysium is set in a world drowning in history. You spend the whole time walking through a bombed-out city, exploring walls where people were lined up and shot, bunkers filled with propaganda, and monuments that were put up and torn down and put up again. The layers upon layers of history that you dig through in every encounter just overwhelms you.

Harry Du Bois is likewise drowning in his own personal history. When you start the game, you literally wake up in the 'ruins' of Harry's own personal country - the room he'd wrecked on his multi-day bender prior to starting the game. He clings to an outdated music style and an outdated celebrity that he models himself after. He worships his ex so much that his brain turns her into a god.

It's no surprise that the most joyful parts of the game are ones in which history is erased or made irrelevant. Harry's relationship with Kim, for example, has no history to it at all. While Kim knows that Harry is a self-destructive asshole, based on the aftermath of Harry's bender that he's able to witness, Kim also begins his relationship with Harry from a point where he's fundamentally a different person, who can and does make different choices than old Harry would havea. Every time Harry's past comes up, Kim is able to relate to him in a different and more positive way, simply because the old Harry and the new Harry are different people. Contrast this with Harry's interactions with his old partner Jean. Those interactions are really depressing, because they're so one-sided - Jean is left to shoulder all of the pain Harry caused to him, but when he tries to lash out, Harry doesn't understand. For example, when Jean tries to pull a mean prank by dressing up as the reporter Harry drove away, the joke goes completely over Harry's head, because Harry doesn't remember his past OR his old partner. Jean is stuck in a cycle of trauma and abuse that he's trying to perpetuate with his actions. Harry literally can't remember enough about himself to be a part of that anymore. That's why his relationship with Kim works so well in comparison - he can leave his past behind and become a better person who has healthier relationships.

Another place you see this quite well is in the storyline for the dance club at the church. The church itself reeks of history, and not in a good way. It's abandoned, worn-out, broken, and it has a giant stained-glass window of a woman who blanketed Elysium in terrible history and destroyed it, then convinced everyone that she was a saint. The history in that stained glass literally towers over you and forces you to cower beneath it. When you help the teens turn the church into a dance club, you disrupt all that. The power and sanctity of the church's history doesn't totally disappear, because the church is still there, but it fades into the background as it's overtaken by a new history. That new history extends to everyone present. It covers the teens, all of whom are either running from a bad past or leaving the people they were behind(you'll notice Disco Elysium has a lot of characters who have become different people than they used to be). It covers Harry, who has struggled to let go of the cool person he was in the days of disco, but ends up not just writing the new anodic music but busting a move to it. It covers Soona the programmer, who's trying to essentially come to terms with her history at Fortress Accident and move on from it. It's a really powerful image, to find the seed of the world's destruction in the church and to be concerned about that, but to then turn it into a bass track and dance to it joyfully anyway. Sure, the end of the world is coming. That kind of sucks. But in this joyful moment, who cares?

Look at Harry's former relationship with Dora. You spend all this time being triggered by things related to her, like chewing gum, the Dolores Dei references, and near the very end of the game finally have a dream where she turns into a god and leaves you. Harry is obviously an obsessive person. He obsesses about Dora and turns her into something larger than life, even though she tells him frankly that she's just a regular woman. Harry tries to cling to that history by getting her back. He gives her figurines that he remembered she would like. He tells her he's a better person and that they can make it work. He can try to kiss her. He can beg her not to go. She leaves anyway. Despite Harry's desperation, you can tell as the player that this is an unhealthy relationship, and that it's good that Dora left him. You can also see how her leaving triggered Harry's descent into brokenness, and how he never truly recovered from it because he couldn't let go. I don't think it's a coincidence that Harry only manages to face this history after he loses his memory. Some of that past had to be scraped away before he could face the truth and overcome it.

Finally, the reveal of the killer absolutely drives this point home. The whole game follows the traditional detective novel arc, where every detail is a Chekhov's gun leading to one big conclusion. The footprints, the eighth Hardie boy, the drugs, the smoker on the balcony, all of it. And the kicker is that it does all come together - but not in the way you want it to. Because most of the clues are smoke and mirrors. The killer is a sad old man you've never met before hiding on an island, clinging to (you guessed it!) the past. He's drowning in history and can't let go of it. If he feels totally irrelevant to the rest of the game, that's because he is. He doesn't matter! The world let go and moved on without him. The game strongly implies that it was this moving on, and not the old man's politics, that cause him to commit the murder. When he pulled the trigger, he wasn't really thinking about moralintern supremacy or being loyal to the communist revolution. He simply couldn't watch two people steeped in history choose to let it go and find happiness together in moving on. So he killed the merc in a fit of jealousy. Everything else you track down in the game is just people trying to mitigate the consequences of that murder by protecting each other.

History is important, and paying attention to it is how we learn from our mistakes. But what Disco Elysium doesn't want people to do is to get so obsessed with the past that we get stuck in it. You can't live in a bombed-out city or a trashed hotel room forever. You have to let it go.

You may ask, what about the pale, and the end of the world? To me, the game is literally manifesting existential dread as a parallel to the player's own understanding of our world and our limited existence. We know the world will end at some point. Elysium knows it literally - it's being slowly swallowed up bit by bit. We as the players know it metaphorically. We know that we get 100 years, give or take, to live. We know that the planet is slowly being destroyed. In a way, that's our history too. And so the game says to you, it doesn't matter. You should care, but don't get so caught up in caring that you forget to live. Ultimately it doesn't really matter that the world is ending. What matters is something smaller and more personal - that you care about the people around you, that you try to help where you can, and that you dance to anodic dance music while you have the chance.

[voiceless-terror]

Something to Talk About (TMA Fic)

Written for @jontim-week Day One: Rumors/Protect, warnings in tags

Rating: T

Words: 3,049

Summary: Jon and Tim deal with workplace rumors.

He’s only at the institute for six months when the rumors start.

Tim understands them, to a degree. He knows he’s liberal with his smiles and quick to charm, naturally affectionate and thinks nothing of an arm around the shoulder or a nudge to the side. Winking comes as easily as breathing. So yeah, he’s aware of how he comes off. People make assumptions, particularly in his case, as he’s been known to swing either way. It’s shitty and stereotypical, but sad to say he’s used to it.

What he doesn’t like, however, is when it involves his friends.

Tim’s friendly with most everyone, but he’s fallen into a group. When he first started, Sasha was assigned to train him and Tim’s not blind. She’s gorgeous, rivaling him in height and an even deadlier smile. She’s smart as a whip, willing to trade (occasionally hurtful) barbs and unafraid to give the bluntest of criticisms. And she’s a little strange too- she can wax poetic on the most esoteric of subjects, and wields her keyboard like a lethal weapon. Tim doesn’t want to know what she’s dug up on him. Sasha James is exactly his type...and very much not interested, despite the one night they spent together. She made it clear it wouldn’t be going any further and though it took time to get over that, he’s lucky to now count her as a friend. 

And Sasha and Jon are a package deal.

They’re an odd pair- Sasha, tall and imposing, Jon, scrawny and anything but. Jon kept to himself, barely spoke a word to Tim apart from a curt introduction, but with Sasha he shared an easy rapport. The two could spend hours debating the finer points of research methods- and if Tim was shocked by Sasha’s blatant disregard for privacy, he was even more so by Jon’s disregard for the law. Tim could spend hours listening to them snark back and forth, not getting a word in edgewise. At first glance he assumed they were dating, but when he tentatively broached the subject with Sasha, he got an almost mocking laugh. “Romance? Not my thing. And it’s very much Jon’s. We would not work out.”  

At first, Jon doesn’t seem interested in anything but work. He nods briskly at Tim as he sits across from him at his desk, occasionally answers a question or includes him on his tea run, but that’s about the extent of it. He stumbles through small talk, showing none of the easy grace and elegance of discussions with Sasha. After a few weeks, though, he opens up a bit more, allowing that deadpan humor to slip into conversations. He smiles (it’s crooked, a tiny thing but so endearing) and he lets out an occasional snort of laughter. He’s an encyclopedia of supernatural knowledge, able to practically recite his favorite passages and always eager to seek out new information. There’s nothing he enjoys more than thoroughly researching and debunking a case, and Tim can respect that. If he’s got a question on an article or a scholar, Jon’s the first one he approaches. He never asks questions, never pries. Tim appreciates that.

The two of them can make Tim genuinely laugh. Something he hasn’t done in the longest time.

They’re seen together more often than not. They’re a trio: if one’s on a case, it means the other two are as well. They’re a great team. So it’s natural that people would start to talk, make assumptions. The rumor mill is out of control; as it turns out, scholars need more than spooks to get them through the day. It starts with a few offhand comments about him and Sasha, ones that Sasha’s quick to shut down, even if there’s some truth to them. She’s never been afraid to speak her mind or come off as rude. It’s a trait Tim finds very admirable. 

But then it turns to him and Jon. 

He’s heard the snickers in the breakroom when they come in together, the arm around Jon’s shoulder mistaken for something beyond platonic familiarity. It’s not that he wouldn’t date Jon- he sees beyond Tim’s veneer, appreciates his intelligence as much as his wit, and isn’t bad looking himself. He’d consider asking him out if Jon weren’t so clearly uninterested in that sort of thing. People must mistake his blushes and stammer for a crush instead of his naturally shy and flustered demeanor. He puts up a good front for the others, scowling and snapping at most who cross his path, but he’s definitely a softie, Tim feels it in the way he leans into his side like a plant starved of sunlight. Jon needs someone in his corner that sees him too. 

So when Tim hears the mocking words in the break room, he loses it.

“Another notch on the bedpost, eh Stoker?” Marcus, the irritant from accounting with a perpetual sneer and permanently wrinkled shirt, says from his seat at the room’s sole table. “Didn’t think Sims was one to put out, but-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Tim snarls, almost dropping his mug as he whirled around and stalked over to him. He’s almost surprised at the venom in the words, but the man took it a step too far. He knows those comments would be incredibly uncomfortable for Jon. And to be honest, he’s a bit pissed on his own behalf- can he not have a friend without someone assuming they’re sleeping together? 

Marcus immediately scoots back the two inches he can in his chair, attempting to hide his fear with a snide smile. It doesn’t work. “Whoa, calm down- didn’t think this was such a touchy subject for the likes of you-” 

“The fucks that supposed to mean?” He takes a step forward, reveling in Marcus’s flinch. Not such a tough guy now, eh? Tim’s not going to hurt him, no matter how much he wants to. But it’s an old wound reopened- he doesn’t need this reputation, and he doesn’t want Jon to go down with him.

“I-I-”

“I hope to god you haven’t said that around him,” he snarls, jabbing a finger in Marcus’s chest. “And you’re going to stop it with this shit before it gets round to him. We aren’t dating, we aren’t fucking. Me and Jon? Not a thing, never have been, never will be. Do you understand me?” Marcus stutters, swallowing nervously. Tim takes a step closer, leans as close as he can and narrows his eyes. “I said-”

“Yes, yes! Christ, I get it!” He puts his hands up in a placating gesture, as if trying to calm a wild animal. He’s scared. Good. “I’ll shut it, alright? Just- back the fuck up.”

Tim stares for a moment, relishing in the man’s fear, before giving Marcus a cheery grin. “Well! As long as we’re understood. See ya around!”

He turns on his heel and walks out, attempting to calm his racing pulse. Tim’s not one for confrontation, he prefers calm discussion over impulsive anger.

Sometimes, however, it gets the job done.

________

And now Jon’s avoiding him.

Well, not really. He still sits at the same desk, gives him his usual morning greeting and answers any work-related questions. But he doesn’t join in on any of their conversations, he dodges any attempt at familiarity that he used to lean into. He skips their lunches with the excuse of being too busy, and barely smiles in Tim’s direction. He didn’t realize how much he relied on that affection until it stopped. It stings.

Maybe someone said something to him, maybe the rumor got around? He’s going to kill Marcus if that’s the case, but when confronted, the man insists he shut up, and Tim’s inclined to believe him, if the ‘I’m going to shit my pants’ look he gave him was any cue. He wants to ask Jon about it, but that could make him more uncomfortable than he already is. If Jon needs space, Tim’s going to give it to him. No matter how much it hurts.

So he goes along with it, starts talking to him less and less, stamps down the urge to crack a joke or throw an arm around his shoulder. Doesn’t ask him to after work drinks. 

That doesn’t stop him from checking in on Jon every so often, leaving a protein bar on the days he works past lunch, bringing him coffee before he gets in and saying it’s from Sasha. They’re at a strange impasse, but Tim’s starting to accept the new routine.

Sasha isn’t.

“Can you two just talk?” She asks one day over shitty sandwiches in the canteen. “I can’t stand this tense atmosphere you’ve got going. What happened?”

Tim sighs, pushes away his plate and runs a hand through his hair. “There were all those rumors going about, remember? I told Marcus to fuck off, but I think Jon caught wind of something, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable-”

“Are you serious?” Sasha interrupts with a groan and a roll of her eyes. “Make him uncomfortable? Tim, I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s around you. He’s relaxed, he smiles. You don’t know how rare that is. We’ve known each other for two years, and he’s around you for six months and suddenly he can talk about something other than work.”

Tim tries to ignore the flutter in his stomach at the words. He couldn’t have made that much of a difference, Jon would do that with anyone, given the chance to open up. It’s not Tim’s doing. “Well, he’s the one avoiding me! I’m trying to give him space, really-”

“Space? Communicate!” Sasha slaps her hand down on the table with every syllable, startling the few others in the room. “You’re grown men, not children.”

“Communicate?” Tim snorts. “That’s rich, coming from the ice queen herself. You didn’t talk to me for a week after I made fun of that stupid show you love-”

“Time Team was an excellent programme, and I won’t be hearing any more slander.” She stood up, her chair squeaking back with the force of it, and picked up her tray to glare down at him. God, was she good at that. “Either talk to Jon, or I’ll go back to the silent treatment. And I’m great at it.”

Sasha follows through with her threat. She doesn’t talk to him for the rest of the day, studiously ignoring his questions and jokes, at one point propping a book up like a shield. It’s childish. And very effective. 

Looks like he’s going to have to talk to Jon.

______

“Did I do something wrong?” 

Jon jumps at the words, almost dropping the book in his hands. Tim’s managed to corner him in one of the more secluded areas of the library that Jon’s taken a recent liking to. Wonder why, Tim thinks with not a small amount of sarcasm.

Jon takes a step back, blinking innocently. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding me these past couple of weeks.” Tim leans against a bookshelf, trying to seem nonchalant despite his clear nerves. He doesn’t want to seem threatening or accusatory, and Jon could very easily bolt.  “You never come to lunch, or talk with me and Sash. I just want to know if something’s wrong.”

Jon dodges his gaze as he hugs the book to his chest like a shield. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” Tim heaves a sigh; he’s going to have to be more blunt. Jon clearly wants to avoid the conversation, but he’s always responded better to clear phrasing and direct questions.

“Look, I don’t know what rumors you’ve been hearing,” Tim runs a hand through his hair nervously, carefully choosing his words. “But if I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable-”

“Me?” Jon lets out an incredulous laugh that gives Tim pause. “No- I - I thought I was making you uncomfortable.”

Tim stares. This was not a possibility he prepared for when practicing in front of the mirror. How could Jon think that? Was it something he said? Did? Now he’s running through their interactions, trying to pinpoint a time where he might have seemed cold or distant.

“B-Being clingy, I don’t know.” If Jon hugs that book any harder, it’s liable to break. “Getting too close, getting the wrong idea. I know you don’t like me in that way, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with those rumors. That’s not fair.”

“What?” Clingy? Now that’s a word he never thought he would hear applied to Jon.

“I heard you. W-With Marcus. In the break room.” Jon bit his lip, a habit Tim always chided him on. He controls the urge to do it now. “You seemed so mad. And I didn’t want to be the cause of any more rumors for you, so I thought it best to...well, avoid you.”

Tim squints at him in confusion. Jon thinks he’s protecting Tim. The thought is both amusing and heartwarming, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. “I mean- yes, I was mad about that, but I...I didn’t want you to have to hear that. I know how uncomfortable that shit makes you, and Marcus is an ass- he won’t let up until you put him in his place. Besides, I don’t care about that dick and whatever he thinks. I care about you.”

“O-Oh,” Jon mumbles, looking to the ground and shuffling his feet. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as if trying to find the courage to voice his thoughts. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely audible. “It’s j-just...you made it sound so awful.”

Tim’s face softens. “Made what sound awful?”

“...Dating me.” Oh.

“Oh, Jon.” The mumbled words tug at his heartstrings. he really didn’t think Jon cared about all of that, but the man does have feelings. Tim could see how the words would hurt, and the vehemence he said them with probably didn’t help. He takes a tentative step forward, like he’s approaching a spooked animal, but Jon accepts the hand reaches for his shoulder, still not meeting his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Anyone would be lucky to have you-”

“But not you.” 

Tim freezes and Jon shuts his eyes tightly, as if waiting for a blow that won’t ever come. He shrugs off Tim’s hand and starts to back away. “I’m sorry, forget I said anything-”

“Hang on,” Tim starts, gazing at the trembling man in front of him as a thought suddenly occurs. He doesn’t- he couldn’t- “What was that?”

“I-I-”

Tim takes a step closer. Jon doesn’t move. “Do you- did you like me?”

“Yes! No! I-I don’t know!” He reaches up to run a hand through his hair, wincing as it gets stuck in his messy bun. Tim would’ve laughed if he weren’t also spiraling. “But you clearly don’t like me, and that’s fine-”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Jon liked him. And Tim- Tim could’ve done something about it. “We could’ve-”

“I did!” Jon cries out, waving his book emphatically. “I asked you out and you said no! Months ago.”

Tim pauses. Huh? He runs back through as many conversations as he can remember, trying to think of any occasion where Jon might have asked him out, and comes up blank. Tim’s not that oblivious. “Okay, you’re going to have to help me out here. When exactly did this happen?”

“Back in December,” Jon says, as if talking to a child. “I told you about that new bookstore that opened near my flat.”

“..Okay.” He vaguely remembers Jon enthusing about this, but not very clearly. 

“They have a cat there, too.” Ah, now he remembers. Jon’s face always lights up when he talks about felines, and he’s seen more than a few pictures of a fat tabby on his phone. It’s adorable.

“I’m following.”

“And how they had a fairly comprehensive history section.” Another beat. Jon’s looking at Tim like he’s supposed to be getting the picture. He is not. “And the café next door. That sold the chai lattes you like.”

“I do like a latte.”

“And then you said, and I quote! “Sounds like your scene.” and turned back to your desk.” Jon crosses his arms, triumphantly. Apparently, he’s proven a point. Tim does not see this, and he’s pretty sure Jonathan Sims is the most infuriating man he’s ever met in his life. 

“Jon, there wasn’t a single question in that statement. You just monologued about a bookstore-”

“The question was implied!”

“Oh my god-” 

“And you turned around, and it seemed like you weren’t interested and I-I didn’t think I could handle if you said that to my face so I just- I dropped it, okay? It’s fine.” At this Jon loses all momentum, hunching his shoulders as if trying to disappear. He most certainly doesn’t look fine. 

And Tim’s going to change that.

“All this time,” he begins dramatically. Jon deserves a bit of theater. “All this time, we could’ve been going to bookstores, and having lattes, and-”

Jon’s head shoots up, his eyes going comically wide. “What?”

“What I’m trying to say,” Tim puts a hand on his hip, gives him the Stoker Smirk. Jon gulps. “Is the offer still on the table? Bookstore cat and all?” He watches as Jon gapes at him, suddenly fumbling with his book, as if suppressing a little stim of the hands.

“R-Really?”

“Course. Unlike some of us, I can ask a man a question.” Jon blushes even as he scowls. Tim’s looking forward to seeing more of that. “Whaddya say?”

“I-I’d like that.” He watches as Jon tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly demure. He hazards a glance up at Tim and lets out a little laugh. “I’m a bit of an idiot, aren’t I?”

“No more than I am,” Tim replies, throwing an arm around his shoulder and remembering just how right it feels to have Jon nestled against his side. He missed that. “Now, what’s the cat's name?”

“Spoons!” Jon perks up, his smile widening. “I think you’ll really like him.”

The rumor mill is gonna have a field day with this one. And for once, Tim doesn’t mind.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061116

[msgrumpygills]

Social Media Anon here!

This ask is about two things.

1. Why demographic rather than audience matters, and

2. Gen Padalecki's comment that she and Jared are looking at three works to produce (star in?), one going to script.

DEMOGRAPHIC

Dealing with demographic, people (including me) keep pointing out how much audience loss Walker has had, and they are right ( it's lost 70% and I suspect it will go a little more) what is REALLY worse is that it has gone from a .37 to a point .10. demographic That means that the audience is 50+.

TV SHOWS ARE JUST THE SPACE BETWEEN THE ADVERTS. The only reason TV shows exist is to have the audience looking at the screen for the adverts. Of course, Advertisers only want to advertise to an audience who will buy. That is the 18-34 and 18-49 demographic. Older viewers than that are seen as not moving to new products or new luxury goods. Think of the adverts that happen at age related daytime slots, they are for grey power products not general products.

Demographic is measured by taking the whole of that age group in the country and see what percentage of that watched the programme. so .10 means that 1% of the target age market watched Walker (not total viewers in that age, total population). THAT is low. Demographic is why the CW wanted to be a teen market. You can have low ratings but high demographic and be more successful than a high ratings show. You need to be hitting the target audience NOT any audience. Advertisers won't pay big money for the wrong demographic.

So the falling demographic is more of a problem for Walker than the audience share. Both are catastrophic... but advertisers drive shows.

GEN'S NEW PROJECTS

Obviously the only way Gen is going to get hired is through nepotism. She's a bad actress. She was a very pretty actress and could get away with bad acting but she's 40 and has had so much work you wouldn't put her near a naked flame (sorry Jared, candlelit dinners really aren't safe...).

Jared however should be pushing the longevity of Walker. He hasn't got time to "actively exec" a 22 episode show and seriously develop another project. When he tried to simply act in other shows in hiatus during SPN he was exhausted and both he and Jensen said they couldn't commit to anything else.

So.... is the idea of another product signalling the end of Walker? it'll go to season 3 but on it's current trajectory (it's number 3 in demographic on a falling curve on a network that has issues) season 4 isn't actually a given. He, I suspect, is expensive.

Jared is a businessman and I'm quite certain he'd be just as willing to put on a stethoscope, strap on a fireman's helmet or put on khaki to sell Jared Padalecki in whatever other poor show he can think of for a couple of seasons. He sells to the same people, squeezing every ounce of of them he can.

However, he isn't A list. Every C lister ever tried to get themselves back in the game by self production, it's the only way actors can guarantee work. Doors other than the CW won't automatically open to him.

Perhaps we can look forward to a season of PadaChristmas specials on the CW? I can't see any other network being interested in Texas Eco Barbie and Hooters Ken.

What do you think?

Texas Eco Barbie and Hooters Ken

I snorted! Alright, I will do my best not to go on a tangent, but given my track record, I’m not optimistic. 

First off, I had no clue how ratings and demographics worked until you brought your knowledge here and I appreciate it so much! It’s really fascinating to me! It also helps me (and probably the people who aren’t sure how the show is so garbage yet somehow “number one”) understand what’s going on and what counts. It’s really eye-opening to see those numbers too. I can’t imagine they’re too happy about their target demographic just simply not caring about this show the way they assumed they would. 

You’re right on the money about Gen only getting work through nepotism. If Jared wasn’t involved in Walker, she would have never landed that role. Try as she might, she’d be nothing without Jared at this point. 

You may be onto something with Walker being on the way out! Maybe Jared’s realizing that this show isn’t his ticket to superstardom and he’s trying to line up some back up plans. Either that or he just wants to follow in Jensen and D’s footsteps. After all, he can’t let Jensen (or anyone for that matter) have anything, can he?

You’re also 100% right about him doing anything to sell himself. We’ve seen him do it for the past few years and I don’t see him stopping anytime soon. 

Bias aside, I can’t see Jared or Gen bringing anything new and exciting to the table in terms of shows. Plus, if anyone has been watching his EP skills, I can’t imagine they’d be rushing to work with him. 

I guess time will tell, I just hope neither of them decide to make the leap to OnlyFans anytime soon....or ever. 

[noddytheornithopod]

Today on Danganronpa S... oh, the discourse lightning rod.

Chihiro

Seriously if anyone tries to start discourse here when I just wanna chronicle these events, may I kindly ask you to shut the hell up and leave me alone.

Chihiro begins the camp by saying it could finally be a chance to be their true self.

Sonia and Shirokuma think Chihiro did an amazing job programming everything, which naturally flusters them causes them to respond humbly. Sonia then thinks about how without everyone around her in Novoselic, she’d just be a normal person, she’s only considered an Ultimate BECAUSE of her relation to other people. Sonia actually struggles to imagine herself without her kingdom amazingly, knowing about how she often wishes she had a normal life. Chihiro also struggles imagining being anything other than a programmer. Shirokuma then wonders what changes leave a person the same vs making them become a new person.

Chihiro is looking at tech at a shop, and Jataro asks why they wouldn’t know about it if they’re the one who made the world. Chihiro is humble of course, but Jataro is kinda jealous. Chihiro suggests Jataro could make his own place, which inspires him. Jataro while saying no adults allowed says maybe Chihiro could get a pass and see what he makes (even tho he said he makes disturbing stuff lol, Chihiro didn’t comment on that) cuz they’re, but Chihiro is kinda caught off guard cuz of insecurities about being weak, and insists they are one.

Mondo has a bit of gender confusion, even knowing Chihiro’s secret, probably cuz of the androgynous swimsuit design. Chihiro says it’s fine and they chose the look themselves. Mondo then mentions the camp could be a good chance for Chihiro to basically come out. Chihiro wants to, but is still afraid to, Mondo even mentions that Tenko would lose it if Chihiro was out as male. Chihiro even says they’ll apologise to her once they’ll tell everyone. Mondo understandably thinks Tenko is too hard on guys and thinks SHE should apologise if Chihiro admits their secret, and someone will probably snap at her one day. Chihiro says they hope it isn’t Mondo, and Mondo compares her to an annoying dog, lol. Chihiro ultimately decides they should try and come out despite their fear, and Chihiro even says Mondo’s training helped their confidence in who they are a bit. Chihiro starts thinking about how to approach it, then... Masaru? Masaru is all “OMG GIRL AND BOY IN BATH TOGETHER, HOW SCANDALOUS” and runs off to tell on them, and Mondo’s naturally pissed that Masaru’s gonna fuck things up. Chihiro apologises as Masaru leaves. Gosh, you gotta feel for Chihiro. I legit love how supportive Mondo is tho, I love we have this more caring side to him that’s supporting Chihiro. Also, fuck Masaru for promoting heteronormativity. :v

Hajime and Chihiro are talking about the workings of the Neo World, and Leon is like “nerds”. Leon is more interested in what he can do here, and is surprised at how normal it is besides the Monobeasts. Chihiro feels bad, but Leon says it’s not their fault. Hajime wonders what Monokuma even is, and Chihiro and Leon mention how they were always there and they just got used to them being around. Hajime wonders why they’d try to hinder students if they’re Hope’s Peak creations, and Chihiro wishes they could get a look at Monokuma’s programming, though that’s easier said than done. Leon is then all “shit guys cut the chatter we gotta eat” and is embarrassed that even he got into the conversation, lol.

Chihiro and Kirumi are up late working. Alter Ego comes up, and Kirumi finds it pretty impressive, which embarrasses Chihiro. Kirumi then mentions how important AI is and because of that Chihiro’s gonna be really important for the world, which embarrasses them even more. As poor Chihiro is getting more and more flustered, Kirumi says she’s willing to help anytime. Chihiro thanks her, but isn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. Thinking about it, knowing about how Kirumi is, I think she could actually be a safe person to admit their secret to, because Kirumi would definitely do anything she can to support them, or keep it secret if it’s just her.

Chihiro wonders about creating an AI specifically designed to be kind, and goes to Monomi for reference. Monomi is happy to help!

Chihiro wonders if normal people would even care about AIs, but Hiroko is there to help. She mentions even just having them around as some to talk to could be nice, and Chihiro feels inspired to continue on Alter Ego.

Chihiro asks Korekiyo if AIs would come into their research if they keep growing a larger place in humanity. Korekiyo is actually already quite interested, and mentions Alter Ego... specifically mentioning that the AI could emulate the personality of someone deceased. Even besides his own personal interests, he thinks it could change how we interact with death. Chihiro wonders what their work could do for Kiyo, and they continue to chat more, Kiyo being interested in how Chihiro sees things. Okay, this is an unexpected friendship I’m digging. Also, let’s be real... the whole controversy about Korekiyo’s relationship with his sister aside... maybe this could actually help him, maybe even get him to stop killing people if he has a way to help process this trauma if his more properly.

Kazuichi is saying if he can see how Keebo is built, he might be able to let him float so he can swim. Chihiro even says they’ll make a backup of his AI system. Keebo is nervous tho, saying he feels awkward if it isn’t Professor Idabashi or Miu tinker with him even if he trusts these two enough (Kiiruma shippers, you have food). Chihiro then says it definitely takes courage to expose oneself to others... very fitting. Kazuichi insists there’s a way they could do it though, even saying there’s ways to make metal float, even saying Keebo could become the first swimming robot... which tempts Keebo. Chihiro says change can only come if you want it. Unfortunately, Kaz says he’d probably have to completely remodel Keebo, which means this is a pass.

Fuyuhiko seems to be thinking about working out, and Chihiro catches him. Chihiro is scouting locations for training themselves, and Fuyu is naturally surprised. Chihiro is similarly surprised about Fuyu. He’s also curious cuz Chihiro’s talent doesn’t even require physical strength, and Chihiro replies saying they thought it was natural to want to get stronger, and that they hope to get closer to their ideal self. Fuyuhiko then mentions his own insecurities, feeling like he’s weaker than the people who serve him. Fuyu then feels embarrassed admitting these things, but Chihiro assures him it’s fine. Legit surprised I didn’t think about these two interacting, because now the parallels in what they struggle with in regards to masculinity are now impossible to unsee.

Chihiro goes to Nekomaru for advice! Nekomaru can actually tell Chihiro has changed since starting at HP, citing things like posture and the way they walk showing more confidence and less shy computer nerd hunched over all day (I feel called out lol). Nekomaru says muscles aren’t everything, and Chihiro does feel encouraged by Nekomaru’s words. Chihiro also wants to see if he has anything for Mondo (even as Nekomaru says he’s noticed he’s even buffer now), and Nekomaru is willing to help.

Chihiro admires Sakura being buff. Sakura recognises the compliment, but then she ends up implying about how people have underestimated her because of her gender. Chihiro laments they also find it unfortunate that people judge and make assumptions because of gender. Sakura continues to pursue things even when there’s naysayers just to prove them wrong. Interesting, very different issues, yet also very similar in other ways.

Chihiro with Mondo again! And... Tenko? Hoo boy. Chihiro already seems nervous, and Tenko’s yet again saying shit about how it sucks they have to share the ocean with degenerate males. Mondo is tired of Tenko’s shit... provoking her even more. Mondo... actually stops and decides it’s not worth wasting his time with her. According to Mondo, Tenko provokes him a lot, actually? He apologises, but Chihiro actually feels pretty bad because they hate seeing people say shit about Mondo, as well as the guilt of feeling like they’re lying to Tenko. Chihiro gets along with Tenko and is really afraid of her finding out the truth. Mondo thinks they shouldn’t worry about her, but that’s easier said than done of course. Tenko interrupts, because of course she does. Tenko is naturally concerned about Chihiro, but she’s so rooted in her prejudices she basically assumes Mondo was making them talk to him. Chihiro actually speaks up, saying Mondo is their friend. Tenko just says he probably made her say that... gosh, how dense is this poor girl? And then... Chihiro actually gets pissed off for a moment. Tenko is surprised, and Chihiro says despite her prejudices, she shouldn’t talk like that. But then... Chihiro says if she doesn’t like “us”, them and Mondo should just leave. They do, and Tenko is confused... only to just conclude that they’re a tomboy, and seems happy for them? Well, that was a massive crisis nearly averted. I was on the edge of my seat this entire interaction, and honestly I even was starting to tear up, because I think Tenko with her gender essentalism is tragically forcing similar problems onto Chihiro as the people who bullied them did. Tenko has the best of intentions of course, but assuming males all have to be a certain way and that specifically is a harmful version of masculinity funnily enough is just recreating these expectations of toxic masculinity, IMO.

Oh, a scene with Taka! He apparently did a mime show for the festival. Chihiro isn’t sure why they did things irrelevant to their talents, but at least it was fun.

Ryoma is in the distance alone, but says it’s fine for Chihiro to sit beside him. They then talk about how the Monokubs are doing nice things for them at this moment (well, besides those side stories I assume :V).

Hey, it’s Makoto! He’s at the beach because apparently some of the boys are planning on a barbecue. Chihiro is willing to join in, and they just chill for a bit as they watch the fireworks show.

Whoa, bonfire time, and Chihiro... actually comes out to their class. Chihiro thanks Mondo, but Mondo assures them that they’re strong and THAT’S why they could do it. Mondo always treated Chihiro like they were capable, and that really helped their courage. Mondo then says they should actually be the one thanking Chihiro, but puts that aside cuz it’s their moment. I wonder if he was going to say Chihiro helped him be a kinder, more sensitive person? Also Chihiro calls Mondo their best friend. :’)

Chihiro wonders if Kyoko figured it out... she says she had suspicions, but actually nothing concrete to confirm them? Chihiro asks what hunch she got, and Kyoko says it was their demeanour around the other boys, and that they’d be more hesitant being around the girls. She thought Chihiro may have just been shy, but she couldn’t help but find her comfort around boys to mean something. She found it odd to her that a girl would behave like that (Kyoko look I know you were raised with very strict gender boundaries but come on lol). Chihiro mentions some activities they just couldn’t do around girls, and worries they now seem like a creep. Kyoko assures them it’s not like that, and is just happy to finally understand what all this meant. Chihiro actually seems to feel less hesitant talking to others now, I assume that includes the girls too.

Mukuro is staring at Chihiro, claiming it’s just wondering how Chihiro has their face even without makeup. Chihiro apologises naturally, but Mukuro actually says they should be even more bold. Mukuro contrasts their personalities, and Chihiro says if they WERE a girl and were like “Junko”, they’d be fearless. Mukuro then offers Chihiro advice on how to look, maybe even makeovers, and Chihiro is down (not sure if it’s about continuing to look feminine or making a new masculine look, it’s nice either way tho). It’s never said, but especially with the prompt line, it’s clear Mukuro’s mind is actually at Chihiro being able to admit such a big secret about themselves, maybe wishing she could have the courage to do the same and be herself, too.

Reminiscing about the future... starting with how lavish HP is, and Fuyuhiko saying that they could probably polish a turd into a talent. :v Keebo boasts that living alongside him probably helped Chihiro’s studies, and even if Fuyu says it’s egotistical, Chihiro says beings like him and the Monokubs definitely helped. Keebo is really flattered... but isn’t sure how to feel about being grouped with the Kubs. Chihiro is optimistic about the potential of AI and how it and humans can be friends, and thanks him. Wow, Keebo is... really flustered. Even Fuyu is impressed, and wonders if robots could have souls, as Keebo is about to comment Chihiro enthusiastically responds, lol. They seem unsure, but are still optimistic and positive either way. Chihiro also seems to recognise Idabashi, and Keebo is happy to introduce them. Even Fuyuhiko offers to help... by dealing with anyone who steals or sabotages their work, lol.

Scene with Leon from before but now with Kamukura. Izuru laments that Monokuma basically was able to sabotage things from the inside despite everything being accounted for outside. Chihiro apologises, and Kamukura thinks about how even friends could betray you. Izuru then accuses of Leon avoiding to think, to which he just says he kinda is freaked out by him sometimes. Chihiro wonders if they’re too trusting and believe in everyone, Leon says not to worry tho. Chihiro actually thanks them both, appreciating Izuru’s bluntness and deciding that pure trust isn’t always ideal for friendship.

We end with Chihiro happy to have friends and hopes this virtual world can serve as a thanks to them.

[toko-writing-imagines]

Could I request Chihiro, Mikan, Ibuki, and Miu (separately) comforting their S/O who’s worried that they’ll fail their math class?

This,, this request is something I can relate to a lot

This ended up as some sort of comfort since I usually scrape by barely in math- Im more of the literature type

Anyways, hope you like it!! ♡ (also these became longer than expected whoops-)

Chihiro, Mikan, Ibuki, and Miu comforting their s/o who's worried that they'll fail their math class

【Chihiro Fujisaki】

• His feelings are generally based on your emotions. Like if you are sad, he'd be sad too

• He noticed how you seemed worried about some sort of thing. You are usually quite cheerful, contrasting his shy personality, but that wasn't quite the case for today

• Once it was just you two alone, Chihiro asked you why you seemed to be so worried

• You seemingly broke down, telling him you are worried that you might fail your math class

• He hugged you, a reassuring smile on his face while he calms you down. You are in lucky because he is really good with numbers (He is the Ultimate Programmer)

• So he offers to tutor you so you can understand in any of the stuff you need help in!

• You feel so happy, and so lucky to have someone as kind and sweet as him. And so now you two study dates together and go over any math material you don't understand, and he helps you with it!

【Mikan Tsumiki】

• Mikan is always one to notice some kind of change or shift in anyone's mood

• So once she sees that you are worried about something, it ends up worrying her as well

• Did she do something? Did she mess something up? Are you thinking of breaking up with her? Oh the thoughts were endless and just kept on coming

• But since she's learning to not jump into any conclusions, she decided to ask you on what's on your mind instead

• "H-hey S/O?,, um,, I noticed you seemed to be worried about something,, A-and if you need someone to listen or anything, t-then I'm here for you."

• You apologized for making her worried and told her that you are just worried about possibly failing your math class

• Oh? Just math class? She breathes a sigh of relief that it's no related to her or anything close to her thoughts

• She's really good with numbers! So if you want then she can help! She loves feeling useful to people, especially when it comes to you

• You take up on her offer, so now you don't have to worry about math class anymore, and your nurse girlfriend can feel useful (and happy) helping you

【Ibuki Mioda】

• lmao this girl is probably failing math too or close to it

• Ibuki would immediately know your situation, she can just sense your worries (and because shes with you almost 24/7)

• This hyperactive musician never wants to see you worried, since you two are always bouncing from one place to the next with positive vibes

• Albeit she isn't exactly the best at comforting, she is great at distractions!! Math isn't something that's worth worrying about anyways

• Ibuki would basically do anything if it means that your focus is on something else besides some math class. Wanna listen to music? She's down for it. Maybe you just wanna listen to her talk? Cool she's got so much to say anyways!

• The possibilities for distractions from her are pretty much endless

• Plus if it makes you feel better, she's on the same boat as you. Math was never really Ibuki's strong suit, but she never let that put down her mood

• So you two can worry about math together! But for now it's not the time to worry about it

• Right now, you just get to spend time with your wonderful girlfriend

【Miu Iruma】

• Lets just say - comforting people isn't her specialty, to you or anyone in general

• But even then, she is determined to cheer you up, no matter what the source of your sadness may be

• Usually, you would go to her directly for any sort of help that's in her field of speciality

• Today, however, you were hesitant. You needed someone to just vent too, but is the Ultimate Inventer herself, your proud and cocky girlfriend, really the best person to do so?

• You go to her anyways, and tell her about your worries

• And as expected, she laughs and says a snarky comment or two (but it's all in good fun)

• Don't worry though! This gorgeous girl genius has a plan to help you get rid of these worries

• She would show off any of her latest inventions to you, ranting on about how it works and its functions. Plus if you really want, you can test a few out for her (or just to mess with them)

• But if that doesn't work then you would get hugs and kisses, maybe a few cuddles by the end of the day!

• And if anything, she could help you in math if you reallyyyyy need it

• You sure are lucky that your girlfriend is always their for you

❀•°•═══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══•°•❀

I swear I didn't plan these to be long- I just had so many i d e a s

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading them!! I tried hard to make them original as can be

Feel free to request anything, my inbox is always open! ♡♡

~ Mod Toko 💜

[juminsmysticmc]

Been gone for a while, see requests open? Nice. Oh, and can I get the RFA react to an MC who is a game developer?

RFA with a game developer Mc  

Hey! of course, here you are! I hope you enjoyed this Headcanon! Please tell me your opinion, okay! 

Have a great day!

Jumin

,,It’s a pity that you already have to leave,’’ Jumin said as he walked you to your house.

,,Jumin, you know that we will be married soon! You will see me every day!’’ you chuckled and kissed him on his nose after you typed in your code to open the door.

,,Yes… but it’s 4pm!’’ he added, looking kind of like a baby.

You tried to explain that you still had to get ready for the next day since your investor wanted to see your demo game.

At that point, Jumin’s head was up again with his eyes staring into yours with surprise.

,,You work?’’ he asked you.

,,As what?!’’ he added.

You had to chuckle. Did he think that your bills would be paid by doing nothing? 

And so you explained that you were a game developer.

,,I write the storyline myself, the designs are done by me, and, in the end, even some of the programming,’’ you sighed.

,,Okay, I will be your Plan B if they don’t want to pay, okay? And after you live with me, I will make sure to get you some people who work below you to support you!’’ he told you and kissed you, going back.

You still could hear him talking to Jaehee and asking him to send Luciel to him so that he could buy everything he needed to support a game developer.

Zen

Being your boyfriend’s manager and also a game developer was tiring.

But even worse was to hide your second job from him.

It was a lot you had to do, but thank god you just had to do the design and the storyline on your own.

The reason you wanted to hide it was simple: You were working on a game where Zen was the main character.

This had to stay a surprise for him!

And so, months went by without Zen noticing that you were getting busier and busier.

Just when the news spread the rumor that a game was inspired by him, he began to notice that something was fishy.

,,This person has to know me… Maybe Luciel pranked me… These details are way too accurate… Look how handsome I am and how good my habits got described….’’ he praised you, without knowing that he was praising you.

,,It was me,’’ you finally told him, looking into his red eyes as they grew bigger.

,,What?’’ he asked you again.

,,It was me,’’ you repeated ,,I am the one who made this game. I’m a game developer, Hyun,’’ you finally said.

Your boyfriend was overjoyed that someone, his girlfriend at that, got inspired by him.

He was so overjoyed that he actually began to tear up…!

,,Tell me the storyline…’’ he whined a few days later as he read his lines on his phone, hoping you would give him a little spoiler...

Yoosung

The first time both of you were on dates, you tried to get to know each other better.

Both of you already knew a lot about the other.

You knew that Yoosung liked to play LOLOL and that he studied to become a vet.

Yoosung was pretty much interested about you and tried to get to know everything about you.

There was just one thing he never asked: what were you interested in at work?

Yoosung thought, from the start, that you were studying.

He wasn’t sure why, but he simply thought that you wanted to become an assistant just like Jaehee, seeing how interested you were in the RFA and how much you supported Jaehee for the last few months.

However, he got to know about your real degree - three months after dating.

,,Wow, they are using a really good designer, see these details?’’ you asked him, when you first visited him and watched him play LOLOL.

Yoosung looked up at you, question marks all over his face.

,,How do you know that?’’ he asked you.

,,Well, I am a game developer. This is my job,’’ you chuckled.

For a few seconds, it seemed as if Yoosung himself became a question mark.

,,And you didn’t tell me?’’ he asked you, kind of hurt.

,,Well, you never asked me… I thought you already knew or simply didn’t care…’’ you laughed, a bit embarrassed by now.

Yoosung immediately jumped up.  ,,NO, OH MY GOD! YOU’RE FAMOUS!’’ he exclaimed.

You laughed hard and tried to calm him down.

Both of you kind of became closer and you decided to bring him to your workplace.

,,This is my best friend, and the CEO, and this is my place,’’ you said to him, after he greeted your friend.

Looking around your workplace seemed like a game room.

You had a beautiful room with posters all over the wall and a lot of computers.

It seemed as if you were the female version of his friend Seven.

Since then, he came to visit you two times a week and observed you working on a new project. Once again, he realized how awesome you were and how lucky he was.  

Jaehee

,,That’s an amazing idea!’’ Jaehee nodded, pouring Seven another coffee, who for once, crawled out of his room to listen to the business idea you had.

,,I’m good, but I’m not that good to do it myself. That’s why I would love to have your support, Seven. I need you and I would like to also give you a part of the money,’’ you said.

,,Don’t let it fail! The girls are putting their all into it!’’ Zen warned the red haired boy, as he took a bite of the cake.

The whole RFA, except for V and Jumin, was in the shop, listening to your idea.

,,Again for me,’’ Yoosung begged, making Zen roll his eyes.

,,Okay, you know I’m a game developer and since I started business with Jaehee, I’m now on my own. However, I still want to do what I love, so I want to develop a game related to our shop.

People will work with us in a game and I want them to play the version here in our shop. If they all like it, we will launch it for the whole country!’’ you explained once again. This time, you didn’t use that many words Yoosung wouldn’t understand.

,,I think it’s a wonderful idea. We should also launch a cat game to-’’

,,NO!’’ Jaehee, Zen and you said at the same time, cutting Seven off.

,,I need a few more gadgets. I already got most of them from my old office,’’ you began, facing Seven, who listened to you and read your list.

Jaehee and Zen, as well as Yoosung, decided to leave you both alone.

,,Don’t you think that Jumin would like to invest?’’ Yoosung asked, using the moment to look at his phone and notice that he was way too late.

With a quick ,,Bye!’’ he jumped up, running towards the main street while his bag jumped up and down.

,,He will never change,’’ Zen laughed.

,,Yes, neither will Jumin… and luckily, never will Mc…’’ she chuckled and observed you, explaining to Seven what you pictured in your little head.

Saeyoung

,,Ah, so this is also made by her,’’ Saeyoung mumbled to himself as he played the game you developed.

It’d been a year since Saeyoung met you and managed to save his brother thanks to you.

He still remembered the first time he found out that you were a game developer while trying to do a background check on you.

Ever since then, he saw you as a rival and as the woman who could possibly win at all possible games.

However, a year later he was the one supporting you the most and helping you out, despite being jealous over you being so good.

,,Hello, yes, thank you very much. The virus attack could get stopped thanks to a personal friend. Yes, we are currently working on it… Yes of course! One moment,’’ you said over the phone, putting it away from your ear and telling your fiancé that someone wanted to talk with him and know how he managed to destroy the virus which almost destroyed your whole carrier.

,,Hello, Saeyoung Choi, fiancé of MC, what can I do for you?’’ he said, teasing you as you were rolling your eyes.

,,He is such an idiot,’’ Saeran commented. He was also working with you guys.

And you had to say that it was really helpful to have some people who could support you.

Designing and developing the storyline by now was funnier than earlier, when you had to also programm the game.

,,Okay, here you are, wifey.’’

,,I am still not your wifey, dummy,’’ you teased him and took your phone, changing the application on your phone to the saved pictures, where the current image of your latest project was displayed.

,,Okay,’’ you began, putting your hair behind in a ponytail, ,,Are you guys ready to work the whole night?’’ you asked them and began to let your fingers dance on the keyboard of your computer.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

26.01.2021// 22:13 MEST

[larrylemmy]

Disney’s Stitch: Experiment 626 (PS2 game) programmer Mike Henry was kind enough to answer any questions I had on the game’s development, and has given me permission to share the info.

This post may get updated in the future with more questions and answers.

Bold text was added to this post for clarity.

I learned that at one point in development there was going to be a giant machine that the player had to destroy with the big gun. I think the idea was that it would become gradually more damaged as it was shot which would be shown in its animations before it exploded. It can be seen very briefly in a trailer and it's in the files of the final game.

Do you remember anything more about this and why it was cut?

https://youtu.be/YnXqIIwc06A?t=67

This is the trailer, it's seen at 1:08-1:11

That shot is interesting, because it looks like it was taken from much earlier in development than the rest of that trailer, and I'm not sure why they would have done that.

We weren't super efficient with our PS2 textures, but you'll notice that the walls and floor have almost no texture to them at all in that shot, which means that level was still in the initial design phase, before the physical layout was locked in and prettied up. We definitely had several levels where we tried an initial layout, realized it wasn't going to work the way we thought it would (too big and empty, for example), and then made major changes to it.

I think that machine was meant as a sort of locking mechanism for a gate. We probably cut that whole section of the level out because it was too much backtracking, or something else wasn't working out, and then that object wasn't being used anywhere else. Once we had objects' behavior working, though, we usually kept them around in case we could use them for something later (which we usually did, just not in this case).

I think you're right about the locking mechanism. The area is in the final game but all you have to do is jump into a hole where the machine would be to reach the next stage of the level.

Oh, right! That's ringing a bell now. (Weird about the texturing in that room, though.) I think the problem was that it wasn't clear to focus test players that they needed to shoot that machine to progress, and so they got stuck.

Do you remember this thing which looks like some sort of unused enemy and if it had any specific purpose? Interestingly, it can be inserted into a level but trying to kill it just makes it move about (closes its mouth, swims about, then goes back into its standard position) https://tcrf.net/images/8/85/Disney%27s_Stitch_626_Lunc.png

If I remember right, that fish guy was meant to be a platform that forced you to keep moving, or you'd fall into the water. I don't remember if the behavior was completely implemented before it got cut or not, but I do remember being able to shoot it and have it play its animation. I don't know specifically why they were cut, but my guess is that the other movement options were more fun, so we just went with more grappling hook and jetpack instead.

Will you know anything about the process behind the game's music?

The music was composed by Tim Stasica, who was also our main sound engineer. Early on, he had produced several tracks with a more quirky, futuristic, electronic vibe, and they were really good. However, someone up the chain (I wasn't in a position to know whether it was at Disney or High Voltage) basically said, "can you make something that sounds more like AC/DC?" So he did. I could tell that his original tracks were something that he had worked hard on and was invested in, but he handled it like a pro.

Unfortunately, I don't know much more about the actual process he used when producing it.

The first boss - the giant robot the player has to throw rockets at - has quite a lot of unused animations. Some of these relate to its chest opening to reveal what I think is a gun. Some other animations show its arms moving about presumably to attack. Do you know what the plans were for this boss?

That first boss definitely had some big design issues initially. I don't remember how you were supposed to attack it (the bombs and guided missile weren't in there yet), but I'm pretty sure that you were meant to spend most of the fight alternating between floor level and a balcony that wrapped around the whole room (putting you at the robot's chest/head level). When you were on the balcony, the robot was supposed to attack using those cut animations (trying to stab you with his claw/spike things, or shoot you with a laser from his chest). But I think the designer didn't realize that due to tech/time constraints, the robot wasn't going to be able to attack you in most places on that balcony. We didn't have IK at that time, and we were on such a tight schedule that we didn't have time to set up a proper animation blending system to make the claw land anywhere besides the exact spot it was animated to. All the player had to do was stand a few feet to the left, and they were safe. Similarly for the chest laser, it looked wonky when the laser came out sideways to try to hit you at an odd angle. It looks like the "IRAgas/IRAgasl/IRAgasr" animations on your site were an attempt to move to a 3-zone area attack system, but I don't remember them ever making it into the game.

What did happen was that our lead programmer locked himself away in his office for a week and came out with that entire boss fight completely redesigned and reimplemented, using only existing art assets. The level guys remodeled the boss's room to fit the new gameplay (no balcony, just the missile launcher), and someone drew up the guided missile reticle, and that was that.

"your site" refers to https://tcrf.net/Disney%27s_Stitch:_Experiment_626/Unused_Animations#First_Boss_.28Dr._Habbitrale.2FIrob.29

Do you know what the deal is with this tube alien? It's never explained in-game what its purpose is which made me wonder, was it supposed to have a bigger role?

I'm pretty sure I remember that pillar originally just being solid for the initial design phase, and then a designer added one of the smaller characters (either the collectible robo-squid or a Greema) in a cage in there, scaled up really big, just as a funny thing to look at as you swing. That was vetoed, either because it looked crappy scaled up that big, or because it might lead the player to think there was a secret in there when there wasn't, or both. I don't remember for sure how the red guy ended up in the game, but my money is on an artist liking the idea and spending his own time on it since the schedule was so tight.

The next thing I'd like to ask is about the game's press kit. The documents, which I've attached if you're interested in having a look at them yourself, mention storyline and gameplay elements that didn't make it into the final game. For example, among the jungle enemies listed are jellyfish and lightrays and there's mention of gravity manipulation (separate to the wall climbing) and Jumba being the final boss, along with surfing and bicycle minigames. Do you know if any of this actually made it into development?

Documents attached were GO-KF.DOC and PR.DOC from the game’s press CD which can be downloaded at https://archive.org/details/LiloStitchPr

I was still working on a different project when the Stitch team did its initial prototype prior to starting full development. I remember that pretty much every surface was climbable, and the climbing controls/camera actually worked very similarly to Activision's Spider-Man game (which hadn't been released yet). Someone had decided that it was too confusing/disorienting for kids by the time I joined the team, and when I eventually played Spider-Man, it made me a little sad that we hadn't stuck with it. There was some gravity manipulation stuff in that prototype as well, and it both played nicely with the climbing, and compounded the feeling of disorientation. That was also cut before I joined the team.

Light rays and jellyfish were definitely modeled out, and may have even been partially implemented, but they were cut early on, which makes me think those PR documents were written based on the initial design docs we submitted to Disney and Sony as the project was spinning up. Same for "ball mode"; it was initially much more like a physics-y pinball type of thing, but it fairly quickly turned into an attack. I assume that was because of finicky world collision issues we had throughout the project, but it also could have been because the designers didn't really know what to do with it. The early design was definitely focused on mechanics much more than how those mechanics could be used to make an actual game.

OH! So, the destruction thing brought back a vivid memory. Our lead programmer spent a LOT of time during and after the prototype working on a destructable building system. It kind of had a 3D World of Goo thing going on, where a designer could make a structure out of connected springs, and then the game would sort of wallpaper around it to make it look solid. It was an uphill climb, for sure, but it was planned to be a marquee game feature, so it was worth spending the extra time on. He had finally gotten it to the point where you could shoot chunks out of the bottom of a building, and the whole thing would topple over... and then the World Trade Center attack happened. The whole system just felt really distasteful after that, and of course Disney immediately wanted to steer away from it as well.

There's a level where Jumba is imprisoned and he keeps telling you to rescue him. As a kid I thought you were actually supposed to free him and I'd spend ages trying to work out how you were supposed to do it before figuring out years later that it wasn't possible. Do you know if at some point in development it was something that was actually supposed to happen or was it just added to make the level more interesting like the giant red alien I mentioned earlier?

Wow, I don't remember the details on that one at all. My gut says that rescuing him must have been in the initial design, and then got cut for time. I have no idea why he would have stayed in the level, though, except it would have been a shame to build that whole contraption and not at least use it for the visuals. And then maybe the only Jumba voice lines we had for that scene were about rescuing him, and we didn't want him to just be silent.

I've been having a look at the game's prerelease screenshots. This one is particularly interesting since it doesn't look like any area of the game's levels. Do you think it was an area that was cut or redesigned? https://cdn.staticneo.com/p/2002/disneys_stitch_experiment_626_image5.jpg

There's also this one of the first boss where the robot and room look smaller. It looks like it's from before the gameplay was completely changed because there's no doorway to the missile in the background, so do you think the redesigns could have taken place for that? The legs also look strange. Do you know if they're really short or have fallen into the ground? https://cdn.staticneo.com/p/2002/disneys_stitch_experiment_626_image6.jpg

The 1st one does seem like it must have been an early version of a factory level. I know a couple of the level themes got a pretty drastic visual makeover mid-project because they were too drab/monochromatic, but I'm not sure how many of the differences between this screenshot and the final version were that vs. full design/layout changes.

The 2nd one definitely looks like a pre-redesign version of that boss. It rings a bell that we had to place him partly underground in order to get the upper deck thing to work height-wise, which was probably another reason the redesign had to happen. I'm sure the model had already been approved by Disney, so that wasn't going to change in a week.

Do you know why the game's title was changed from "Stitch on the Loose"?

The title change was one of those things that happens all the time with licensed IP (or at least it did at that time; it's been a while since I've done licensed stuff now). The developer comes up with a working title, which usually makes it most of the way through production, and then at the end, the license holder comes back and says "here's your title". There wasn't much explanation from Disney in this case as far as I remember, but stuff like that was usually the marketing department making the title mesh with an upcoming set of product releases or something like that.

Side tangent: when I was working on the Codename: Kids Next Door video game, our lead designer came up with a brilliant title that he was pretty attached to, so he made a point of specifically sucking up to the marketing folks when Cartoon Network flew in for a meeting... it was the only licensed game in my career that was released with the working title.

In the prototype there's a few videos that sometimes play during the loading screens such as this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Qh5gZItIw Do you know if they were cut because of the title change or another reason, and do you know if there were there any other cinematics that were removed?There's also this one in the game's files. Was it ever going to be used or do you think it was just a placeholder? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9fgi6u2vRk

Yeah, I'm pretty sure those videos had to be taken out because of the name change. Rather than spend valuable end-of-project time redoing them, we just removed them.

The 2nd video did double duty as test data for the video player as it was being developed, and as a placeholder for unlockable videos that hadn't been finished yet. I'm actually kind of surprised nobody took it out of the disc layout after it was completely replaced, but either it was overlooked, or someone was paranoid that it wasn't completely unhooked from everything.

[jocia92]

...“It was a challenge on top of a challenge on top of a challenge,” the 38-year-old Stevens says about playing Tom. “It’s a very interesting, complex role for any nationality but some of the dialogue is, I think, even for a German, quite complicated.”

He was receiving intricate instructions from his director, interacting with the crew and then performing on camera as a robot – and all in a language that he studied long ago at school “and continued it a little bit at university” but spoke only on family holidays in North Rhine-Westphalia.

... Filmmaker Maria Schrader (star of Deutschland 89 and also the director of the Emmy-award winning Netflix drama Unorthodox) chose Stevens to play the robot not just for his charm and good looks but because, as she puts it, he “was not specifically known in Germany.”

However, his co-star Maren Eggert admits that, when she was pregnant, she watched every episode of Downton Abbey on German TV. She was so taken aback by Matthew’s death that she had to call her sister for solace.

In person (or at least via Zoom), Stevens is very like his character in the film. That is not to say he is robotic but he shares Tom’s fluency and easy charm. He jokes about the robot’s skin, insisting that Tom is not made out of cheap plastic but of “very high-grade silicone.”

He clearly enjoyed the technical challenge of playing a non-human. “It’s interesting that bridge between what he [Tom the robot] is pre-programmed with, the algorithm that has been calibrated by Alma… and then there is the Tom that must be learnt. In the inter-personal relations with Alma, he is improving or trying to improve. Each situation, it was looking at, well, is this a pre-programme he is running here, is this something he knows how to do or has to learn how to do?”

Ask Stevens an awkward question and he will parry it just as deftly as Tom bats away Alma’s inquiries about just what makes him tick. In the UK, fans and journalists have not let Stevens forget Downton Abbey. They still wonder why he was so keen to leave the series. Doesn’t he sometimes wish that he could exorcise the memory of Matthew Crawley for good?  

“‘Exorcise’ suggests Downton Abbey occupies some demonic status in my consciousness which it definitely doesn’t,” Stevens protests.

“There is no way I would wish to erase the memory of it. In fact, it has been the bedrock of my career and so I am very, very grateful to it. Very often as an actor, you have to explain [to people] what you have been in – and very often they haven’t seen anything. It can be a bit demoralising. It’s lovely to have something you can connect all over the world with people on.”

... “For me, I’m Your Man was just a delightful screenplay. I could see the playfulness with which it was written but also the big, big questions it was asking underneath. That, for me, is always attractive,” he says of the way the film deals with love, masculinity, identity and AI. Part of his preparation, he explains, was to watch old Cary Grant screwball comedies.  

Stevens didn’t bring his own “baggage” or “preconceptions” but tried hard to be exactly what director Schrader and co-star Eggert wanted, he says. The women were calling the shots with Schrader turning old sexist movie stereotypes on their head. Stevens is the object of the gaze, the eye candy, not Eggert’s Alma.  

The film offers a satirical, not altogether flattering, view of masculinity. Stevens confides that he used to have a postcard on his fridge at home which summed up the difference between the sexes. “[With] men, it was one switch and then [with] women, it was an entire board of knobs and dials and things like that,” he says. “I am not sure that my wife would want a robot version of me. I think if she was going to get a robot, she would probably go for something that was entirely alternative.”  

Portraying the robot, he adds, gave him new insight in how to treat women. “That’s a very, very important question and it has been in the zeitgeist really, how can men be better,” he reflects. Tom exists to improve Alma’s life. Whether that means ensuring she feels truly loved or tidying her apartment or making her a better cup of coffee, he shows the same dedication. “That’s why Tom was quite so fun to play because it was going between these big philosophical questions and the minutiae of the comedy.”

... Stevens takes his craft seriously. “Comedy is very, very difficult,” he says earnestly. “Performing comedy in a foreign language… I have to say, to make anybody laugh in a foreign language is an absolute dream. It really feels like a great achievement, to be able to bridge that gap and find humour.”  

Ask him the most important thing he learned from making I’m Your Man and he replies with even more extreme mock seriousness. “One lesson I took away, whether you’re a robot or a human, is regularly to update your software.”