#reflecting and realizing how good things are getting🤍

[thevirgodoll]

so in awe of the woman i am becoming. getting to know HER has been such an honor. it is a true blessing to experience myself and witness this metamorphosis.

i love ME. REAL BAD. 💕

[thedivinetarot]

Is this happiness?

Your views of love

☆How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2) Clear your mind.

3) Take a deep breathe.

3) Ask the question in your head. And the picture you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆Note:

- This reading will help you reflect on how you see love, especially the romantic love.

- It also analysis your current energy.

- Before you chose any pile take a step and focus only on the intention of finding how you view love.

- Pile 4 is triggering, read at your own risk.

Stay safe❤

Arya

Pile 1

How's your current energy?

Hello pile 1🤍 (this pile is for people in committed relationship, if you are single or not seeing anyone then it is not your pile. Even if you have a crush or dating short-term or hooking up, kindly chose something else)

So, right of the bat I see that you may be a little bit ungrounded and you feel kind of imbalanced? I see that you may have had a disagreement with your partner. But not that big you broke up, no, he may be in the next room setting there doing his own thing. Or maybe he is trying to understand the problem from your perspective. I feel emotional guys, you both madly in love with each other so don't worry. The problem will be solved and you both will be able to look back and laugh of how silly it was. It is like a little disagreement between you two. He might be a water sign (Scorpio, Pisces or cancer) or he might have those placements. And you might be an earth sign (Capricorn, virgo and taurus) or you have those placements. I see you two had this disagreement because of a woman around you, she might be a friend of yours or his. Don't let her affect your relationship. Give yourselves some time then come back to discuss what happened or how you feel. Anyways, let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

This pile’s energy is so sweet and innocent. They view love as this everlasting thing that make you stronger. You might be someone who was miserable and devastated before meeting your partner. And when your partner came into your life, you had this spiritual awakening and you started to realize how sad and depressed you were. I see that you may be someone who used to do alot of good things to people, you have like this cute little sunny energy but unfortunately people who was drawn to you wanted to suck up on that light. Or it might be your partner (take what resonates). Anyways, so when your partner entered your life he might opened your eyes and showed you the bigger picture if you know what I mean. He might helped you to be more authentic or powerful. I have this image of someone who was ungrounded or is clueless of their own potential and when your partner entered your life he helped you to be more aware of how powerful you are. So, you started to see love as this powerful energy that transform your deepest strength into power. I see that your partner might be older than you or he might be a gentle dominant. Like he doesn't really pressure you to do what you do not want to do. Also this pile is a sweetheart; you see love as belonging (I feel like crying). You might feel like your partner is your whole family, he is your home. He make you feel content and happy that your views on love are so pink and Disney like. I see that you see love through pink colored glasses. Love is that HUGE wonderful thing that you can feel with your partner. Your partner always elevate you and make you feel more confident in yourself. You might be someone who struggled with self worth and you always linked your outer beauty to your inner worth. It doesn't have to be but that's how you viewed yourself.

Thank you for reading

Stay safe🤍.

Pile 2

How's Your current energy?

This pile might have been dealing with spiritual awakening. I see you simultaneously trying to do shadow work but it is not over. If you constantly working on your negative beliefs and consume endless content about spirituality without taking breaks to reflect and reassess yourself you might get confused. I see you feeling sad and depressed, you may think that you belong no where. Your family life is chaotic and no one is there to understand what you are going through. You are in a transitional period. I see that the chapter you are trying to close is not finished so it cause you further frustration and you keep wondering if you are doing the right work or not. I see that from inside things seems chaotic; it is like you are on a roller-coaster, up and down. This is a part of spiritual awakening pile 2, you need to embrace it. I know it is hard and unpredictable but believe me you'll feel good after a couple of months. Try to meditate at night it will help you fall asleep, also you don't have to take everything on your shoulder. Try to break the task step by step. Try Journaling it is going to help you so much. I feel like there's still things that you need to work on in order for this chapter to finish but Do NOT try to rush healing. It takes time and effort but it will be worth it. Now let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

You view love as stability pile 2. You want stability, you want long term commitment, you want someone whom you can depend on emotionally and you provide for them financially. You may be someone who take ages to trust people and let them into your life. I see that you are very generous with effort and money, you give your heart and serve it on a golden plate. I also see that trust is something very important. Like if you don't trust someone they will never know anything about you. I see that in the past you trusted the wrong people, you gave them everything you have that it caused you to feel devastated and frustrated. People might used you financially or for your money. I feel like this pile really like to support people by providing for them, you might give people that you love money, food, and other materialistic things like gifts and you do it A LOT. you are someone who is afraid to repeat the same mistake by giving people chances and helping them so you are now putting walls around your heart. I see that you are rejecting many romantic offers even if those people seem nice and your type. You don't want anyone pile 2. This pile is so generous financially tbh. Listen to me pile 2, there's nothing wrong with helping others but don't let the past define your future. Not everyone is interested in the materials, especially money. I mean yes money is important but it is not everything. And I'm sure you'll find good people whom you share your life and resources with. Also I feel like this pile like to watch others from afar and observe them. The dominant energy on this pile are earth signs (Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn). Anyways that's all I have for you pile 2.

Take care❤.

Pile 3

How's your current energy?

I see that this pile is isolated and if not isolated then you may be reflecting on yourself a lot. I see that you are pouring all of your focus inward. You truly are in the hermit mode. I see that some people in this pile are feeling nostalgic to someone, there's this urge of reaching out to this person. I think they miss you too pile 3, and if you don't reach out they will. I see a lot of feelings between you two you might be connected to each other on a spiritual level. Others in this pile are in fact are nostalgic to their childhood? You may be thinking of how you used to enjoy things in a child's wonder but it is not how it used to be. This pile are working on themselves, I see you may be doing inner work (meditation, reflection, shdow work) or outer work (losing weight, working out, trying to change something about your appearance like your hairstyle or hair color or your style). Anyways, I don't really see any dominant placements for this pile. I see also that this pile is living mundane life, like there's this unbreakable routine to you guys. Like you might be waking up, doing the same things that you did yesterday and then go to sleep in endless cycle. Try to get out pile 3, go watch the sunrise or sunset. Don't waste your life waiting for opportunities. Go make them yourself, make memories. Reach out to that person, play with children, book that trip. Do something pile three don't waste your time waiting for life to happen.

How do you view love?

See pile three now I understand why you are living like this. You are waiting for the kind of love that is going to set you on fire. What I mean you see love as this exciting and otherworldly thing? You might be influenced by movies and love songs. I don't know why I keep singing "off to the races by Lana Del Rey", this song has literally all the things you want in your love life. You want excitement, danger, possessiveness and awakening to your potential. See that one scene from the vampire diaries where Damon met Elena and heard her talking on the phone about breaking up with Matt, this scene here. That's what you really want pile 3. You might be someone who was in a long term relationship but after breaking up with that person you felt drained and tired. It left you collecting the pieces of your heart by yourself. I see that you took a lot of time healing. Ooooh yes I got it now pile 3! You might be someone who is afraid of the idea of love because you get sucked in and consumed by it. I see that you are someone who might have attachment issues, I see that you can get the love you desire but you need to figure out how your attachment style work. You can search about attachment style and see which one is yours so you can know how to deal with it. Also I do see that you need a partner who is going to keep your identity in the relationship without really losing it. I think that's what you need pile 3 to keep your identity without being mixed and dissolved in one another and a lot of passion and this giddy nervous feeling. I see! That's why you are waiting for things to happen instead of making them, because that thing you consider is very hard to get. But you can have something like that if you find the right person. Sorry that I didn't write a lot in this pile since I included many things that suggest how you view love.

Take care pile 3 and stay safe❤.

Pile 4

How's your current energy?

Pile 4 Are you being challenged on your healing journey? I see that you either been challenged or you are being bullied by someone. I see that this person has a nasty energy. They are not leaving you alone and they are always picking up fights with you. Like they love how you react and how tormented you feel. This person is literally draining the light out of you. I see that someone is being abusive to you. I don't see a partner here and if it is please you don't have to stay with them. It is like someone here is being abused and challenged, like cornered by someone else. I see that this person (whoever that person is) isolating you and paralyzing you. You might be grounded? I mean in your house? I see that you are trying to pick up the courage to face them, please do it Pile 4 so you can get rid of them. Returning to the first case; if there's no one abusing you, then you might be feeling challenged on your healing journey. There's this beliefs that is keeping you stuck or paralyzed you are isolating yourself because you are afraid of someone hurting you. I'm seeing that you were being treated unfairly by others. So, as an outcome you became so afraid to live authentically again. I see that this fear is taking the light out of you. But I see courage, like you started to realize that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And that you shouldn't be afraid because you already took the lesson. And now I see that you are trying to enjoy life after being afraid of it. This pile has also mixed placements so I don't see any need to writing it down here.

How do you view love?

This pile got the worst cards and it is so terrible. As a tarot reader I've never seen something like that before, at first you got good cards but then the bad ones kept jumping out. So, I returned them and reshuffled but they fall again soo🤷🏻‍♀️. Okay let's start out, I see that this pile see love as a torment love story. At first you tell yourself that everything is amazing and great and there's this sharing of resources between two partners and then boom everything is going to turn out to be abusive and heartbreaking. You guys might have dated a lot of narcissists. John and the letter K can be significant? I don't know why all of sudden I get that. Anyways, you know how narcissists at first treat you so well you think that is too good to be true and your prince charming has finally arrived but then everything suddenly turn 180° with them. Like they start controlling you, limiting your interactions, then they isolate you to abuse you furthermore and then after they take what they want they leave you for someone else. This pile’s view of love is very sad and distorted. I see that you view love as devastation. Like you might die because of it. You might be someone who has been to a lot of karmic lessons with narcissists or people who have extreme mental problems. You might see yourself as their savior but I return to you getting abused and mistreated. I see that a lot of times you were the victim in a relationship that you thought was love but it is not love pile 4! Number 5 is significant, you might be life path number 5, or your birthday have this number. Love is pure and genuine, this pile is almost the opposite of pile 1 (you can read it to know how they view love). Listen pile 4, love is something so pure, so gentle and heart warming. But what you felt wasn't love. It was attachment, manipulation and control. It was not love! Also love put you at ease, I see that you may be someone who might have CPTSD. Now I got it pile 4! That's why at the beginning of this reading I felt like someone is mistreating you! Hey don't let that person play you and walk away. Start walking away from that situation, move on. There's plenty of people out there who are going to treat you well. And if you are already walking away then I'm saluting you. Stay strong pile 4. You can do it! I believe in you!

Stay safe❤.

Post date: 29th/Aug/2024-Thur

*Feedback is appreciated

[jungwondazed]

not sure if your asks are open or not but I’m obsessed with your writing and was wondering if you had any thoughts on jungwon or Sunghoon + mirror sex? i hope you have a good new year!! 🤍

i don't see jungwon as one that has mirrors in his room for the sole purposes of fucking, but when he happens to realize wherever you two are staying does have a mirror, ideas start forming in his head. jungwon enjoys mirror sex when you both stay at a hotel where the wall mirror faces right across the bed. his grin is smug as it's the first thing he notices when he walks in. he seduces you by giving you sloppy kisses on your shoulder when you're checking yourself in the mirror. "you look so pretty today, incase i haven't told you" and you're always shy at his words of affection. his gentle hands fondle your breasts and move down to your waist, and at this point you're a panting mess who knows exactly what he wants.

sunghoon keeps a full length mirror in the corner of his room that conveniently faces his bed. when you first come over you assume nothing of it, everyone has to look at themselves in the mirror right? and with a face and physique like his, you don't blame him at all. it's not until you get intimate with him when you realize how often he brings your gaze to the reflection, and he's staring right with you. sunghoon pushes your arch down with one hand on your lower back, and the other hand deep in your hair, forcing you to keep your gaze straight at the mirror. he loves seeing you watch your struggling face as he pounds into you.

[plutonianeris]

‧₊˚ pick a pile‧₊˚✩embracing your alter ego⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

this is a general reading & for entertainment purposes only, take what resonates and leave what doesn't. scroll through the images & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. 🖤

PILE ONE 彡

🕯️energy you need to embody/ reflect on: aries, leadership, willpower, ANGER, turning points, epiphanies, destiny, fate, pallas, creativity, wisdom, venus, pleasure, love, art, money, 4th house, foundations, traditions, home, family, roots. 🔐 **note: i got a lot of libra/aries energy from this reading. if you know your birth chart maybe look at the houses that are in aries and libra. or if you have any aries/ libra placements do some more research on them 👀

your alter ego is someone that refuses to go down a dead end. if they get the slightest hint that someone isnt respecting their boundaries or treating them/ providing them with less than what they deserve they LEAVE. in order to embrace your alter ego you have to accept that you are in a state of metamorphosis 🦋 and push through to that next stage. rip that bandaid off and stop sitting there “crying over spilled milk” & your alter ego isnt having none of that. theyre the type to not let anyone seem them cry or sad (espeically the people that hurt them) and theyll if anything, dress up and fix their hair and strut like nothing happened. “I will always win in the end”

the person you are now isnt the same as who you were a couple months or even a year ago. you could have been a BIG people pleaser or scared of disappointing the people you love. the difference is now you are more sure of what you want and now your boundaries have become less shaky.

once you realize how fucking good it feels to love yourself your alter ego will bloom and you will take more risks and do all those things u were to afraid to do before. your alter ego reminds me of beyonces “sasha fierce” alter ego lol bc you will snap into it soon and it will help u get over that “stage fright”

i just heard“if you needed more time why didnt you make it?” your alter ego is someone who is bold, a risk taker, the first person to ask that question (and then break that rule), to wear the strange outfit. the first one to lean in for the kiss. your alter ego is an innovator, creative to no end (don’t worry if you aren’t inspired right now, you are the inspiration thats why you cant find it). its you. you are the muse, the canvas and the artist. your alter ego has harmonious relationships because they are very attractive, balanced, fair, fiery.

𓆩♱🤍₊˙ TIP JAR 🧸 ♡♱𓆪

PILE TWO 彡

🕯️energy you need to embody/ reflect on: compassion, dreams, confrontotation, disharmony, pleasure, love, trauma, wounds, health, routine, pets. note: i got a lot of pisces, scorpio/ pluto/ 10th house, and virgo energy from this reading. if you know your birth chart maybe look at the houses that are in these signs. or if you have any planets in these signs do some more research on them 👀

in order to embrace your alter ego you need to stop victimizing yourself, similar to pile one there is need to use past trauams as an excuse for staying the same in unhelful behaviors and self sabotaging habbits. you’re letting life happen to you and shrugging your shoulders saying “it what it is” or “I cant change the past” get UP! when you walk, walk with your head held up high. I heard “don’t let people step on you not even once or they’ll keep their foot there pressing against your neck, suffocating..” don’t be afraid to show teeth, whether its a smile or a snarl.

people have wronged you deeply, maybe in irreperable ways. thats okay if youre not the same person. i promise they didnt take anything from you. you are whole and complete on your own. what people are DEEPLY scared of is you realizing your power. I heard “what? did you think I was going to stay small and insecure forever?” people in your close relationships want you to be down bad when they are (misery loves company). in order to embrace your alter ego you need to take the wheel and take control.

your alter ego embodies boss ass energy. your alter ego is mysterious, intuitive, passionate, magnetic energy. the ultimate femme fatale. your alter ego doesn’t let any sly or snarky comment slide, doesn’t allow fake ass people in their circle (theres a vetting process to getting close to them), is deeply loyal and ambitious. your alter ego enters peoples lives and leaves them in awe and jealous and in love and also turned on lol. This is POWERFUL (and slighlty dangerous) energy but if you know how to balance well your alter ego can easily climb the ranks in whatever endeavor its interested in. your alter ego loves to be in control. they’re the ones who dress in all black or sexy clothing. they love to work out as well. they secretly love the pain and soreness later. 🔥

𓆩♱🤍₊˙ TIP JAR 🧸 ♡♱𓆪

PILE THREE 彡

🕯️energy you need to embody/ reflect on: conflict, tension, your calling, discomfort, challenge, destiny, appearance, physical body, character, first house, ninth house, long distance travel, morals, teachers, beliefs. note: i got a lot of pisces, sagittarius/ jupiter, gemini/ mercury energy from this reading. if you know your birth chart maybe look at the houses that are in these signs. or if you have any planets in these signs do some more research on them 👀

in order to embrace your alter ego you need to really work on your forms of communication (this pile gives off blocked throat chakra energy or some kind of harsh influence in your surrounding area that makes you feel like you to watch how you speak to the point where you dont speak up at all). you could have saturn in third house, squares/ oppositions to your mercury, or Capricorn or aquarius in your third house. the point is though, it has felt like when youre in groups theres so much conflict that youve spent so much time alone, that you believe you have to stay alone forever now.

youll find the people that will become like family to you but they will be of other backgrounds, religions, status, ethnicities or even in different states (possiblly entirely different countries). it makes sense considering your alter ego is philosophical, adventurous, flirty, fiesty, and very very very beautiful with a big smile and nice hips. a sight to behold to the eyes of the public. i heard “they talk shit about me to make themselves feel better” your alter ego is a heart breaker, people fall fast for there intoxicating personality and their big dreams. but in the blink of an eye theyre off to the next person or dream or adventure. i heard “ill mourn my losses on the way but im not gonna stop”

hey if you been thinking about booking that flight then maybe do it. or if you’re thinking about or make that vision board or buying those books on that occult topic you’ve bern interested in. your alter ego is determined, they wanna see the world and drink up all its beauty, delicacies, sights, rainbows, books, temples, slow and then fast kisses in the middle of sweaty and neon night clubs. they wanna feel it all. i just heard “im going to free my mind. just wanna remember all the good things” 💗

𓆩♱🤍₊˙ TIP JAR 🧸 ♡♱𓆪

PILE FOUR 彡

🕯️energy you need to embody/ reflect on: responsibilities, routines, self-worth, savings, sticking to your budget, investing, new moon energy (making wishes), shadow side, marriage, secret enemies, love, health, false notions of purity. note: i got a lot of pisces, libra/venus/ 7th house, virgo/ 6th house energy from this reading. if you know your birth chart maybe look at the houses that are in these signs. or if you have any planets in these signs do some more research on them 👀

pile four, I see you giving and giving and giving to others. whether it’s letting people borrow money or listening to them endlessly vent or being there for people that necessarily aren’t always there for you. I see you putting other people first and not necessarily the people please in the way pile one does. Because pile one does it but secretly doesn’t wanna do it. But you do it and think you have to do it and feel like it’s your responsibility to make sure that other people are okay. i just heard “im your hero, you see me as your angel” is there someone deeply depending on you right now? im sorry but they’re not your child. nurture yourself and your inner world. give yourself more credit now..

oopp, the song i was playing just said “i could use a vacation but i gotta take care of my family,… im so damn tired from working overtime” PLEASE😭 this pile is so sweet/ wholesoom🥺🥺🥺🥺 its really calling on you to be selfish. and unapologetically so. you don’t have to share everything. your feelings, your hobbies, your resources or time or money. your alter ego slams the door shut IN THE FACE OF ENERGY VAMPIRES.

your alter ego reminds me of a mermaid or something. just very MYSTICAL and elegant energy. your alter ego is well loved and seen as very wise but they stand tall like a queen/ king. people want to worship your alter ego. i heard “you have beautiful eyes” a lot of people cherish their advice and could do well in doing spiritual readings as well. your alter ego is kind but not nice. they see right through superficial bullshit. They dont care if they have to force you to behave, you will not take from them without asking. I just heard “I respect your opinion, but please don’t force it on me. accept we see things differently.”

𓆩♱🤍₊˙ TIP JAR 🧸 ♡♱𓆪

© plutonianeris 🕷

[ronkeyroo]

A positive Update

Friends, kind folk - Hello Again 🤍

Ever since my last update post, I've been thinking about it , a lot ;; I knew I needed time to cook and reflect, and im so glad I gave myself that...

2024 started rough for me; I fell severely ill again - I was too busy cursing my life and dwelling over how betrayed I felt by things still not getting better despite my efforts that I didn't realize I was walking into a self fulfilling prophecy. Its true that the struggles I'm going through are yet to be solved, that its gotten so much to the point giving up seemed easier, and that a couple individuals haven't been making it easier on me either; I swayed and i rattled and I steered within feelings ranging from confusion to anger to dismay and all of this back and forth did nothing but remind me of yet another self-destructive loop I just don't want to allow in my life anymore. Its exactly the kinda stuff that made me ill to begin with, and I've been so lost dealing with everything in between that i forgot to tend to the actual core centering all of this...

It grew unbearable how much emotional and physical turmoil I was pushing myself into, and knowing how intertwined these two elements have been; I had to draw a line before i majorly screwed myself over, gathering any bit of inner will to discipline myself back into some sort of clarity, enough to at least look through a lens OUTSIDE my pain for once, towards the kind of life I want to lead, and the kind of life I don't; and I came to an understanding.

From my physical state to my mental, to the people and memories I've experienced, both the good and the bad - I want to prioritize the good.

Not in a shitty ass, toxic optimism kinda way but in a "I want to prioritize knowing and living the possibility that even when it hurts, even when i want to be gone, even when life doesn't align - There's still every good reason in the world to keep moving forward, to face things from a perspective of growth & compassion, and to grow to love the promise of a better tomorrow even when today was unbearable." To know that I don't end or begin in my suffering, that the infinite potential I speak so fondly of applies to me, as well...

I want to be able to wield and create and share that goodness, too, Especially when it is already in decline...And for all gods sake, to internalize that all of this STILL exists and STILL matters even when it doesn't work the first couple or dozens of times.

As for my place here in Tumblr...I know the sentiment might feel silly to some but the experiences, memories, and connections I've made here have truly been such a significant force in my life, and i don't want to give up on that ;; Not because of my own insecurities, or an inner state of hopelessness, and especially not over a bunch of emotionally immature Anons that dont know how to handle themselves; I want to forgive all of that.

I'm stubborn, and there's an unyielding force within me that no matter how many times it is struck down, it proved itself ridiculously resilient. I'm perking up with with a fiery confidence realizing just how many times it rose back up, enough to realize it is an unchangeable part of me ;_; I shouldn't underestimate that force, and I want to keep living by its side. Whatever positive change I can sprinkle onto my life and the lives of those I care for, I will! And the reason why this space in particular is so important to me, is because so much of that already exists here, alongside you folks;

THAT'S the kind of energy i want to nourish and walk into the new year with! I want to continue growing as a person, challenging my inner turmoils, undoing the self punishing dogmas that still haunt me, stop flexing my teeth over things that don't deserve my time and god DAMN, just - indulge in the stuff that makes me happy, even when I'm going through unhappy times.

So yeah...I guess that means, I'm back & I'm staying ;_;)🧡

I know i may seem like a broken record when it comes to expressing gratitude but - Thank you, thank you thank you everyone who have reached out for me, who so fondly kept me in their thoughts and kept encouraging me whenever i was hurting, both then and now...You folks mean more than whatever ailment or struggle I can go through, and while I'm unsure of how the future will look like as I'm still going through various challenges- I couldn't have asked for a cooler, sweeter audience to have by my side whenever Its time to take a rest or hype over our sexy delicious blorbos!

Speaking of which....................I have been cooking quite a lot of things in the time i was away 👀✨ I most definitely intend to serve them, eheheh

[everythingmp3]

𝐲𝐨𝐮´𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐧 ✧.*

adult!Van x fem!reader (smut)

you are her younger partner and you two end up finding yourselves in an empty church at night. things take an unexpected turn.

minors dni. warnings: religious themes, mutual masturbation, public sex

(disclaimer: quite a bit of plot, I wanted to explore adult Vans complex relationship to having been a "believer" in the past and the way it might influence her desires. idk if my vision translates but here you go🤍)

Van was not one to just tell people about her secrets and fantasies, she kept those to herself, but being in a relationship with you made it increasingly impossible for her to hide her innermost feelings. you were in tune with her, she did not even have to tell you things explicitly, you could read her, and she couldn´t deny it, how good it felt to have someone pay attention like that. one thing you´d picked up on was the way she reacted to the erotic undertones in certain religious imagery and language, the idea of love and desire being inherently spiritual experiences. she had not told you everything about her past, but you could tell that something had given her that desire: worshipping people, worshipping you.

you had taken a trip together and ended up staying in a picturesque town over night before traveling back home, after dinner you explored the area a little but it started pouring rain, so you ran to look for shelter, the nearest thing was a church, a beautiful building, white wooden panels, high ceilings, ornate stained glass windows. you opened the door to find it empty because it was so late, candles were still burning near the altar and the streetlight reflected through the windows.

"wow, this is pretty" you marveled, slowly walking deeper into the large room, "yeah I like it" she agreed, you both walked towards the front, she lingered by the candles while you dared to walk up to the altar, over to the podium to see how it feels to address the room, your hands resting on either side of the wood. without thinking much about it you started making up a kind of sermon; gesturing and speaking the way you thought a spiritual leader might, coming up with something about sin and forgiveness and embracing the light. to you it was just a little fun thing to do in the moment, but you hadn´t realized that Van had started listening intently, watching you from a pew she´d found her way to with a charged gaze, not laughing, at all. it was not a joke to her, she was immediately captivated by the sight of you up there, the light from outside shining in and illuminating your skin, your hair, your eyes, making you look all godly and perfect, it added to what you were saying, the faux preaching you were attempting, the effect of it on her. suddenly you felt her eyes on you and saw her face, the awe, the hint of lust, which immediately made something click for you: you were unintentionally turning her on. heavily.

you could have left it at that and laughed it off but it was just too tempting, to get to see her so vulnerable and transparent in her wants and needs, to maybe fulfill a fantasy of hers she would never explicitly ask you to participate in. so, you abandoned the humor and took it seriously, slowly descending from the altar, walking towards her, realizing that she had instinctively gotten down on her knees on the cushions meant for prayer, her head resting on her hands, her eyes sparkling in the candlelight.

you stood before her now, looking down at her, your voice gentle but strong "look at you. the picture of devotion. so beautiful" your hand reaching for her cheek, her mouth parted, her breathing heavier by the second, cheeks flushed. you gently brushed your thumb over her lips, admiring her, "you worship me, don´t you?" you asked, seeing her nod with eager eyes, "you do it so well. you were made for it" you took her face between your hands now, staring into her soul, Van rarely thought back to her time in the wilderness but in that moment, she was her teenage self again, so desperate to believe in something, only now it was different. she was not lost or scared anymore; she had you.

"your love is the closest thing to religion i have ever felt" she whispered, her voice shaky, that got you, straight in the heart, you inched so close to her that your lips grazed hers, she couldn´t help but continue the thought after seeing you react like that,"nothing has ever made me feel as whole and light and good as being with you" you kissed her then, deeply, hungrily, she opened her mouth, a whimpering sound escaping her, you were hovering over her, grabbing her face with both hands, taking charge, your tongue in her mouth, she was still on her knees, trying not to moan but it was hard, she was overcome with want, with love, with all of the mixed intense hot feelings; the powerful ambience of the church mixed with your otherworldly beauty, your hands on her, it was driving her insane.

you pulled away for a second, by then you were just as turned on as her, burning up, so you walked around the pew and sat down on the bench, pulling her up next to you, staring at her, you were both struggling not to just tear each other´s clothes off right then and there. you leaned closer to her "you´d do anything for me, right? anything to show how devoted you are?" she nodded, "yes, whatever you want"

"so you´d do something risky for me? something that might be considered blasphemous?" your hand on her thigh now, she knew what you were doing and she knew in her heart that it was a crazy idea but her mind was completely taken over by the need to feel you, please you, her hand on your neck, wandering down to your chest, your name uttered under her breath before she answered “you are all that matters to me, I’ll do whatever you want”. you both knew undressing was not an option, you weren´t that reckless, but there was a compromise, you pulled her hand to the waist band of your pants, after which you placed your hand on hers, urging her to mirror your movements, to give in, which she did, there was no turning back, she needed to be touched more than anything. the second both of your hands reached down each other´s underwear, two loud gasps echoed through the air, you were both feeling how wet the other one had gotten, which just turned you on even more, the intense mutual lust.

you could feel two of her fingers between your aroused lips and did the same to her, the wetness coating your fingers, warming them, there wasn´t much time, it had to be quick, so you both focused on each other´s clits, knowing it wouldn´t take much, you both quickly increased the pressure of your fingers, looking at each other, seeing the other one trying not to moan too loudly, which naturally had the opposite effect, something about watching the one you want getting off in that unfamiliar forbidden scenery, seeing each other struggle to be even somewhat composed, it made you almost lose your minds, that thing of wanting to be loud because you´re not supposed to be.

as you were both nearing your orgasms you kissed each other to try and stifle the sounds coming out of your throats, the sloppiest, messiest kind of kissing imaginable; open mouth, barely managing to make out for a few seconds before moaning into the other person´s mouth again, so you moved your lips to her neck instead, you could feel her hips moving upwards to feel your fingers pressing down as hard as possible, your own clit already overstimulated, "cum with me, baby, please" you whispered to her, feeling her body unravel from your touch, you were being more vocal than her so she shut you up by placing her free hand over your mouth, which was the final thing to really drive you over the edge, feeling her one hand down on your cunt and the other over your lips it was too much. your whole body shook, seconds after, hers followed, both of you clinging to each other´s arms for stability, facing each other again, panting, disheveled, eyes open after being shut in pleasure.

you pulled your hands away, having the same idea; making the other person suck the fingers clean that they´d been pleasured with, the two of you barely able to regain a sense of sanity while watching the other person do that. finally, you separated, sitting there out of breath, the room still as empty and silent as when you´d entered, just the sound of rain against the building.

"we just fucked in a church" Van said plainly, shaking her head in disbelief, laughing to herself. you turned to her, watching her, grinning, visibly amused by her reaction "we did. you´re welcome" she looked back at you now, eyebrows raised, nudging you in the side "YOU are welcome! you love toying with me like this, don´t you?" there she was again, her usual humor returning, you smiled and shrugged, "i just like figuring you out, making you feel good" she eyed you, knowing that you meant it, that she would think back to the vision of you backlit by the candles leaning down to kiss her many times. she ran her fingers through your hair, her eyes suddenly full of tenderness "you know how much I love you, right?” she said, you had both said it many times before but in that moment it was different, something akin to prayer, the way way she said the word “love”; quiet, full of weight. "i love you too. so much" you whispered, kissing her again, before pulling her up and trying to get out of there before you might actually get caught.

[die-rosastrasse]

I'm about to turn 25, your blog is so elegant, do you have any tips on growing out of the angsty early 20s into an elegant mid twenties?

Welcome and thank you! Right now I am 25 as well and believe me, the angst is still very much there. Sometimes there's so many fiery emotions brewing inside me, I feel like I'm going to burst and burn half the world with me. I'm still deeply moved by unfairness and bad intentions of people, the evil in the world, the greed, the violence and injustice of the society that we didn't have any impact on. I don't think elegance and maturity is about suddenly losing all of these feelings. I think maybe it's about how you rise above them, what you're doing about them and how you choose to present yourself to the world. There must be a balance between the angst and your inner peace. In your daily life, there must be a harmony between chaos and neatness. With time, you realize that there is a difference in worrying about things that you can change and those you can't. If it's the people around you that make you cross, you cut them off. If it's the path in life that makes you dissatisfied, you pick a different one. But if it's the sorry state of the world right now, what can you do? You build yourself a new, private world out of good things, inspiration, people you love, art, the things that make you happy, bliss, elegance. Piece by piece you can create a personal space, inside and outside, that reflects what's the best in you, that can stay beautiful despite the evil that is out there. This private world won't change the grand scheme of things, at least not all of it. But I believe that it's very much worth saving, and if everyone would try to be more kind, elegant, open and well-intentioned, the world would be a more beautiful place. So collect the exceptional things from your surroundings, make meaningful memories, be sensitive to beauty, prioritize your peace and help those around you. Go to therapy, learn to spend time alone and like it, make art, expand your language, make your daily life more fancy, smile to strangers, read a lot, treat others with the most impeccable manners, always be the one to lend a hand. People will view you as elegant not because of the anxiety in your heart, but due to the kindness that you give to the world. This message proves that you already rise above the negative feelings, because you have the need to get better. That, I think, is the quality of someone elegant and refined. I wish you all the best in becoming the greatest version of you 🤍

[knizai]

Hii!! I saw your event and wanted to send in a request! Please take as much time as you want<33

I feel a little shy requesting this but for the character, could it be Tecchou and my name will beeeee Mélisande! Melissa for a nickname :3

Melissa is like from an anti-hero organization, they’re not necessarily good nor bad! She’s a medic and she owns an illegal clinic. Honestly, if you have any idea for those two, I would love to read it! I’m up for anything!! Fluff, angst, anything apart from nsfw is fine! Mélisande seems quite intimidating but she’s a very smiley and mother like character! She knows when to have fun but mainly she’s calm and likes to tease. Oh, not sure if this will be useful but she struggles from night-terrors!!!

I feel the best trope for them would maybe be something like rivals to lovers? Everything is honestly up to you, go wild! 💗

I really like your theme btw🤍(⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡ take your time, health is first!

I love you, I'm Sorry

EEK DIS IS SHO KYUTE IK I SAY THIS FOR ALL BUT OMGIEE!! HURT TO COMFORT WITH THE NIGHT TERRORS!! I LOVE RIVALS TO LOVERS SM ≽^•⩊•^≼

The commotion outside the illegal clinic had become a normal sound for Mélisande, who was just getting ready for the day to begin. She sighed as she buttoned up her white medical coat, and grabbed her bag, readying herself to deal with the mess that she was sure would happen. She looked at herself in the mirror again, putting a blue bow into her long black hair, fixing it and making sure it was perfect. She nodded at her reflection and walked out of the back room and turned to face the front of the clinic. As she stepped out, She felt her vision turn fuzzy. The air felt hotter outside than it had been in the past couple of weeks. Her legs started to give way under her, and she couldn't help but fall to the ground. It took all of her effort to keep her eyes open but still failed as she passed out. Tecchou just happened to be in the area when he spotted someone collapsing in front of a certain illegal clinic. He raised an eyebrow, curious about what he saw. As soon as he got a closer look at the person's face, he noticed that it was a young woman, and immediately froze upon recognizing her as Mélisande, the medic from the illegal clinic. He paused for a moment, debating on leaving her there, but her health still concerned him regardless. Tecchou gently placed her on his bed, making sure she was comfortable. Something in him couldn't help but notice that she looked more vulnerable unconscious. He couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was, with her long black hair framing her face, and her cyan eyes now closed to the world...Now was not the time to think about such things. She was his rival, and definitely on the opposing side. She moved a little in his bed, making small noises of discomfort. Her face contorted to worry, and she looked a little distressed as she started mumbling something in her sleep.Tecchou noticed her moving in her sleep. He furrowed his brows in confusion, and walked closer to the bed. Her breathing started to pick up, and she seemed more uncomfortable. Her face was scrunching up, as if in pain. Her mumbles turned into soft whimpers, and she seemed to toss and turn slightly, like something was bothering her in her sleep. He picked her up into a sitting position, and gently held onto her, rubbing her back as she mumbled in her sleep. he tried calling her name, hoping it would wake her from this nightmare. He gently shook her shoulder and continued to whisper her name.

She seemed to startle awake, her eyes flying open,her body tensing up. As soon as she realized she was being held, she immediately tried to push Tecchou away, not realizing where she was. Tecchou was slightly surprised as she tried to push him away, but he immediately stopped touching her. "Whoa, You're safe, you're safe.." She paused, trying to remember what happened. The last thing she could recall was getting ready for work, and then passing out. As she remembered, she looked up and saw Tecchou, and immediately went red in the face. She tried to move away again. Tecchou held his hands up. "Hey, you passed out outside your clinic earlier, I took you in, that's all I did. I promise I mean you no harm...I swear." She looked around and slowly remembered passing out from the heat. She relaxed but didn't move away from him as much. She remembered that he was one of her rivals, and the last thing she wanted was to be used as a hostage or something. As the two began to catch each other's eyes, their hearts started to beat a little bit faster. Mélisande felt herself lean in a little closer, and her lips slightly parted. She couldn't help but glance at his mouth before looking up at his eyes. Tecchou realized how close she was, and his breathing started to pick up a little. Something about her felt magnetic, and her closeness was starting to create an almost gravitational pull. His eyes glanced at her lips for a moment, and he swallowed. Their lips touched, and the kiss became something they were both waiting for. He brought one of his hands to her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. As they pulled away, she whispered, her tone soft.

"I love you..."

[bloomingdayswithyou]

Heyy, how are you? İ saw your requests was open so here i am 🧍can i request a hongjoong fluff or hurt comfort type of thing?? Im studying animation and game design in uni but i dont feel like i belong here. Finding motivation was always hard for me but its worse than ever in uni and my depression isnt helping either haHa- like for a while i stopped eating properly, not sleeping more than a few hours in a day and always do oil paintings, kinda locked myself home alone and cant find any strength to do something.

İf you cant write its alright tho!! Love you and your works <3

Guiding Light

Pairing: Hongjoong x gn!reader

Warnings: none, just angst with a good ending<3

Word count: 646

Author’s note: hi!! thanks for the request🤍 honestly I’m kind of going through something similar and just wanted to say that you’re not alone in this even though it might seem like it. Wishing you strength and healing on your journey as you pursue game design and animation or whatever you feel is right for you. 🌸

You sat alone in your small apartment, staring at your computer’s screen which displayed a few unfinished assignments. The room was dimly lit, mirroring the haze of emotions that consumed them. The weight of depression and anxiety had become almost too much to bear, leaving you feeling lost and disconnected. Hongjoong had noticed the subtle changes in your demeanor over the past few weeks. As he knocked softly on the door, his heart filled with concern for the person he cared deeply about.

"It's me," Hongjoong called out gently, hoping to offer some comfort in your darkest hour.

Slowly, you opened the door, your eyes reflecting a mix of sadness and relief at seeing Hongjoong's caring face. "Hey," Hongjoong said softly, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. "I brought something for you." He held out a cup of warm tea, knowing it could be a small source of comfort. You took the cup with a weak smile, grateful for Hongjoong's presence. You settled on the couch together, the soft glow of the lamp casting a warm light around you.

"You know," Hongjoong began gently, "everyone faces moments when they doubt themselves or feel overwhelmed. It's okay to have those feelings. You don't have to be strong all the time."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you couldn't help but spill your emotions to Hongjoong. You shared your struggles with finding motivation, your fears of not belonging, and all of the other burdens that seemed to weigh you down. Hongjoong listened attentively, his heart aching for you. "You're not alone in this," he said, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I'm here, and I care about you so much."

He pulled you into a warm embrace, creating a safe space where you could let your emotions flow freely. Hongjoong's presence was a guiding light in the darkness, offering solace and understanding.

"Sometimes, we need to take a step back and breathe," Hongjoong continued. "And it's okay to ask for help when we need it. You don't have to carry this burden alone." You clung to him, finding comfort in his words and his unwavering support. You realized that you didn't have to face your struggles alone, that Hongjoong was there to walk beside them every step of the way.

With Hongjoong's encouragement, you began to open up about how you feel with animation and game design, the dreams that had once fueled your creativity. Hongjoong listened with genuine interest, reminding you of the talent and potential you possessed.

"You are meant to be here," Hongjoong said firmly. "Your art and your creativity are unique and special. Don't let anyone or anything make you doubt that."

As the night wore on, you felt a glimmer of hope reigniting within you. Hongjoong's words acted as a balm to your wounded soul, soothing the ache of self-doubt and depression. "I'm here for you," Hongjoong said, brushing away a tear from your cheek. "And we'll get through this together. Your art, your dreams, they matter. And so do you."

In the days that followed, Hongjoong stood by your side, offering unwavering support and encouragement. They started to find motivation in your passion once again, your creativity slowly returning like the first rays of dawn after a long night.

As time passed, your art flourished once more, fueled by the newfound strength and love you had found in Hongjoong's embrace. Through the darkest of storms and the brightest of days, you held onto each other, knowing that with Hongjoong by your side, you could weather any storm and find the courage to embrace your dreams once more.

.

.

.

[ohyespotatous]

Fri, May 31, 2024

🌲 End-of-month reflections 🌲

"Easy wins" vs "Eat your frog" ⚡🐸

I see this pattern of me falling into a prolonged slump (3-4 months) after maintaining pretty consistent and productive days for a month, and then I need quite a long time to get back on track again. I realized this some time ago, and I thought I shouldn’t push myself too much or beat myself up if I couldn’t achieve my ideal day. I acknowledge that my productivity could ebb and flow.

But the thing is, once I loosened my grip, even a little, I fell into this dark hole again. 

Sometimes, I’d wake up in the morning and do not feel like doing too much, so I let myself rest. However, I got carried away, which continued for days or longer. Sometimes, I’d start my day with good energy, but I spent too much time on smaller tasks, so I didn’t have enough time to do the crucial tasks. 

So, to keep my days going in any situation, I think I need to switch between the “easy win” and “eat your frog” strategies based on how I feel in the morning and how important the tasks that I have to complete that day are.

If I feel energized and motivated and have a “big task” to finish as soon as possible, I’ll eat my frog first, when my brain is still fresh and I have a lot of energy. But if I don’t feel it when I wake up (or if I wake up late), I need to accomplish my easy wins first, so I feel motivated to tackle bigger tasks.

For the best results, I need to make nightly planning (or listing whatever I need to do the next day) a habit so that I have an idea of how the day should go. 

On learning languages 🧠

I didn’t identify myself as a language learner, but I think I need to dedicate some time to studying my own language and English. 

I feel like I’m losing my ability to use my mother tongue because I’m exposed to English media too much and rarely interact with real people in person. I used to live in a boarding house full of workers who came home late (and I work remotely), so I only talked to them when we met in the kitchen or the living room. I have moved back in with my dad, who also comes home late, so we only have the chance to talk around dinnertime. It feels awkward when I try to write in my language because I barely use it these days, but when I write in English, I still can’t express myself freely the way I intend to 😅

I’m literally relying on my language and communication skills for a living when in reality, I suck at it!!! I must survive :(

I want to work on my spiritual wellness, finding peace and meaning in life 🤍

I think one of the reasons I struggle these days is that I don’t have a good sense of purpose. I don’t know exactly what I’m chasing or what I'm working for. I think I need to connect with my inner self to figure out that purpose so I can navigate through challenges with greater resilience. I want to have a balanced and fulfilling life. I want to experience a deeper sense of satisfaction and contentment mentally, emotionally, and physically.

How was May? 🌼

May wasn’t the most productive month, but it was way better than April. In April, I was almost like a living corpse, never leaving my room—or bed, even—to the point that my body was stiff, and I had thigh pains. In May, I started to feel alive again. I started finding my routine again and caught up on some responsibilities. Everyone has their own challenges, and this is the tiny win of the challenge for me. But that doesn’t mean I can ease up. I need to put in more effort to be better.

ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

[fortpeat]

Hi! I hope you are doing ok. I know this might be coming out of the blue, but I feel the need to spread the word so other fans can see this and not go through the same that I have been. I recently joined a FortPeat server on Discord. I saw the invite on a tumblr tag and I thought it could be a good idea since most fandom spaces I've been in were usually wholesome and nice to meet new people and talk about the things we all have in common and love. I will be honest with you that I had actually thought the server had something to do with your account since I always see you in the fortpeat tags (I don't really use my tumblr account, I'm more of a lurker, I just recently got into the fortpeat fandom) and you always seemed to be like a lovely person. I was actually told by this server owner that you were also one of the server owners at some point, and I remember seeing one of your posts talking about "the discord incident"… I have no idea if both of these things are related to each other, but I understood immediately after talking to this server owner why you'd leave that place. This server is extremely toxic. I and another member were kicked out simply because we harboured a different opinion than the one from the server owner. She is a grown-ass woman and treats people in a really childish manner. She's condescending and passive-aggressive. She deleted our messages for no good reason and then said we were free to leave if we were not happy with her rules. The other member called her out on it and this is what got us kicked out. That was it. Nothing else. I thought for a second that I could've been somewhat rude, but another member of the server reached out to me in private to tell me this had happened many times before and that neither I nor the person who was kicked out were rude. So, my point with this ask is I hope whoever's still stuck in that graveyard filled with toxicity, please leave as soon as possible. I had other people reaching out to me since then to tell me that they also experienced really bad things there. I'm really sorry if you went through some shit because of it, but yeah. I hope the owner reflects on her attitude if she intends on keeping up with a server she clearly has, currently, zero capabilities of running if this is how she treats her members. Thank you so much, and I am sorry for the huge ask. I think it's important to let people know when fandom spaces are nasty. Love your blog! 🤍

Hi Nonnie ✨🥰

First of all sorry for the late response I needed some time to think through a proper response since it's a sensitive topic and I am typing this out while in the middle of a program and my Wifi is wacky so I don't know when you might get this 🫣

Now I am not gonna lie, when I first received this ask I was sceptical about even posting this. I tend to avoid all kinds of drama as I quite don't have the time for that but then I realized won't that mean I too am ignoring you the same way the server owner did and essentially cutting you off and I am not that kind of person. I believe that everyone deserves to have their opinion heard and from what you told me I think you deserve it especially when you are definitely not in the wrong.

But first things first. I am so sorry you went through something like that. Nobody deserves it least of someone who joined a server believing that it might be something good. I will tell you it used to be good but then everything kind of fell apart. I left that server back in Nov due to personal reasons and a disagreement with the server owner.

Now the discord incident.. it was more or less connected to this but it was also me and my best friend joking around coz the both of us have had bad experiences with it. I never thought anyone would pay attention to it 🫣🫣😂. Now I don't want to dish out my personal experiences publicly like this so if you ever want to talk privately my DMS are always open 🥰 I promise it to be safe space for you and anyone who wants to talk.

I would also like to thank you for opening up like this I am sure it must not have been easy to trust me especially after your experience. I hope in the future this doesn't cloud your judgement towards future servers you might want to join. There are lots of lovely people in the fandom and there are some in that very server as well.

Also thank you for raising this awareness. I never would have thought things would get this bad there. That too in a server that represents our beautiful Fortpeat and Paisky who has taught us nothing but the importance of proper communication 🥺🥺

I hope you have a good day nonnie 🥰✨

Here's some Fortpeat hugs to feel better 🥹🥰

[tuxedo-lef]

I'm having fabio brain rot and like all I can think about is him and Nelli being in bed and like yeah they have loads of pillows and space but Fabio insists on being latched to Nelli and resting his heat on his bare chest because its more comfy- 💙🤍

Did someone say fabio brain rot?? I've been stuck in it for a good month so I get it!

Here's a fabinelli one shot for you (slightly based on your idea). I ended up posting it on ao3 as well since it's 2k words long.

Clingy

Martinelli was used to it. Having Fábio's arm around his shoulder or having Fábio's thigh pressed against his at the restaurant. Just like he was used to watching Fábio get back hugs and kisses on his cheeks or on the top of his head from his teammates. Fábio was a cuddle bug and Martinelli liked Fábio exactly like that.

Or so Fábio thought until he heard an unsuspecting Martinelli talking to Saka in the locker room. Fábio was deep in his own conversation with Jorginho and Reiss about Crocs and whether they should be deemed a fashion faux pas when he heard Martinelli mention his name across the room. Fábio pretended that he didn't hear it, but in reality, he was zoning out of whatever Jorginho was babbling about and was fixating his ears on Saka and Martinelli's exchange.

"She's too clingy in bed. Every night it's like I'm suffocating but I don't know how to tell her that I need my space to get some proper sleep." Saka spoke quickly and Fábio was proud of himself for being able to follow a sentence in English that would've sent him spiralling during his first week in London.

Martinelli wheezed before he replied, "I get it. Fábio is the exact same. We have a king-sized bed with four top quality pillows, yet he insists on laying his head on my chest instead of sleeping like a normal person on his side of the bed."

That's all Fábio got from their conversation because Jorgi's face appeared in front of his, clear green eyes reflecting Fábio miserable look.

" Fábi, you alright?"

"Look like you've just seen a ghost," Reiss frowned.

Fábio's heart had sunk deep in his chest, like a landmine waiting to be unearthed by a trained rat.

Martinelli was the fucking rat, Fábio thought to himself bitterly. Stupid boyfriend and his stupid big mouth.

Fábio waved Jorginho and Reiss' concern away, telling them he just realized he forgot to put the load of laundry in the dryer before he left the house this morning.

Fábio had planned on blowing it all up in Martinelli's face the second they were sitting in the car together on their way back home. He kept things professional while they wrapped up their day at London Colney, not liking the idea of making a scene in front of their team.

However, when the afternoon rolled around and everyone was picking up after themselves, leaving the locker room with their toiletry bag in hand, Fábio learned that he had to postpone his outburst.

Martinelli snuck past Ben and Martin who were occupying the middle of the room to find Fábio and kiss him on the cheek.

"Jesus will give you a lift back home," he said in a hushed tone. "Gabriel's daughter isn't feeling well and he needs a lift to the hospital."

Magalhães and his lack of driver's license was a real fucking joke now, wasn’t it? Fábio wanted to argue for a moment but decided against it, not wanting to sound heartless. It was Gabriel's child after all, and her wellbeing mattered more than Fábio's petty emotions.

He nodded and told Gabi that it was okay.

Back at his and Martinelli’s apartment, Fábio was slouched on the couch, feet freezing cold and tongue craving a sweet dessert after the boring chicken wrap that he had just finished. Martinelli's words festered inside his heart like worms and critters under a humid rock. Fábio couldn’t even appreciate the show he was watching.

Gabi had texted him that he would wait until Gabriel's daughter was cleared by a doctor before returning home. In other words, Fábio would be spending the rest of his evening alone and fall asleep in an empty bed.

Fábio almost wanted to cry when he found himself in their large bed, head resting on a pillow that was too soft for his liking. It was taking forever for the bedsheet and the mattress to get warm. Fábio’s body was shaking. From the shivers running through him or the pitiful sobs he was trying to swallow. A mix of both perhaps.

He was still awake when Martinelli arrived two hours later.

The pang in Fábio’s heart had migrated to his stomach which he was clutching tightly as he lay on his side in a foetal position. As far on his own side of the bed as he could be.

At least, Martinelli was sensible enough to navigate their apartment quietly, knowing there was a good chance Fábio was sleeping at this hour. But Fábio was staring into the void pitch black of their bedroom, back turned to the door that Martinelli slipped through. He listened to his boyfriend use the bathroom for a few minutes, brushing his teeth and spitting into the sink before rummaging through his drawers for his pyjamas.

Fábio felt the bedsheets getting pulled and a waft of cold air flowed under them as the mattress sank on the other side from Martinelli’s added weight. Fábio resisted the urge to turn around and pound Martinelli’s chest with his fist, wanting to make his boyfriend beg for mercy.

But his guts remained rigidly stubborn, and he stayed put. Fábio told himself this wasn’t a good moment for them to discuss this level-headedly. Really, Fábio wanted to see if Martinelli would seek him out: grab his waist, roll him into his arms, and tuck him under his chin.

Martinelli did no such thing. Another layer of earth was shovelled on top of Fábio’s heart, waiting to be stepped on before it could explode freely.

The following morning, Fábio woke up clinging onto one of his pillows instead of clinging onto Gabi. His heart felt heavy and empty all at once. He wasn’t sure if there was enough gunpowder for it to go off. The anger he had fueled last night was muted and twisted into lame resentment.

Martinelli was still dozing off. No sign of a difficult night on his well-rested face.

Fábio had to clean his face and reach for the concealer he only wore when he had media duty to cover up the purple bags under his eyes. He ate his eggs and toast in silence. Fifteen minutes later, a clumsy Martinelli stumbled out of their bedroom as he was putting his socks on.

“You didn’t wake me up!?”

“I thought you would appreciate the extra minutes since you came back so late,” Fábio took a sip of his coffee and pretended that the weather app opened on his phone was more interesting than his boyfriend walking around without a shirt on.

“Yeah, but not if I only have ten minutes to get ready. We have the meeting on set pieces this morning, remember?”

“Oops. I forgot,” Fábio finally locked eyes with Gabi. Fábio knew then that Martinelli noticed something was wrong.

“Is everything okay-”

“How is she?” Fábio interrupted Gabi.

“Who?”

“Maya, of course. Is she alright?”

“Yes. It’s just a virus. Her fever was really high though, so they monitored her for a bit. I didn’t want to leave. Gabriel looked super stressed.”

“I’m happy to hear that she’ll be okay. You did the right thing.”

Fábio saw Martinelli approach him from the corner of his eye and got up before Gabi could latch onto him and envelop him in arms.

“I need to use the bathroom before we go, but you should hurry up. Mikel will kill us if we’re late.”

The London traffic was not on their side and the two ended up having to run from their parking spot all the way to the meeting room. There weren’t many seats left; Fábio took the first spot available, not caring where Martinelli would land.

During training, Fábio followed Ben around to avoid Martinelli’s puzzled looks. Ben gave him a weird look at first, but Fábio only had to say he and Martinelli had a fight, and the defender didn’t push it any further.

“As long as you guys fix it by tomorrow,” Ben said and ruffled the Portuguese’s hair gently.

Fábio nodded.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Fábio shook his head.

“Okay. I’ll make sure to block all his shots today. Just for you.”

Fábio smiled. “Thanks.”

After practice, it was Fábio’s turn to leave Martinelli hanging.

FC Porto had a game away from home against Tottenham for the Europa League and Fábio had planned on attending it in order to support some old friends of his.

Fábio could perceive Martinelli’s growing frustration when he left the Arsenal training premises in a taxi with only a quick wave of his hand.

The match was exciting with the tantalizing result of Porto beating Tottenham 3-1. Fábio was allowed to visit the visitors’ locker room after the game and spent some time rekindling with the boys. Everything about this night should announce pure joy, but Fábio was haunted by the sleeping landmine deteriorating his heart.

When he returned home, half an hour before the clock hit midnight, Martinelli was tucked in bed, limbs spread like a starfish. Fábio wanted nothing more than to throw himself onto him and sniff Martinelli’s shower gel fragrance on his skin.

Instead, he weaved himself under the covers and grabbed the pillow he had woken up with to circle his arms around it and bury his face in it. Fábio was careful to stick to his side, avoiding Martinelli’s fingertips which were crossing the imaginary half-line separating their bed.

Fábio only took two shallow breaths before Martinelli sprung to action, crossing onto Fábio’s half of the bed and rolling him into his arms. Fábio’s surprised yelp was muffled by the rustling bed sheets until they were pressed nose to nose.

“Okay. Speak. Who are you and what have you done with my Fábio?” Martinelli tried to sound funny, but Fábio only caught the raw anger in his tone.

“Martinelli, I’m tired,” Fábio sighed and faked a yawn to sell the act.

“I’m not buying it, Fábi. You’ve been avoiding me all day and now… You didn’t even climb into my arms when I made it so easy for you to do so.”

“We can talk about it tomorrow,” Fábio didn’t want to admit how immature he had been. Avoiding confrontation.

“Ben told me we had a fight! Do you know how stupid I looked when he shared this news with me?”

Fábio chuckled at that, “Very stupid I hope!”

“Fábio, this isn’t funny.” Gabi’s hand hooked itself behind Fábio, preventing him from moving away.

“You’re right. I just tried to fix my behaviour based on some criticism I heard yesterday.”

“What! What criticism?”

“Oh! I don’t know. I heard someone say that I insist on laying my head on your chest instead of sleeping like a normal person on my side of the bed,” Fábio echoed what Martinelli had told Saka almost word for word.

Saying it out loud reminded Fábio of how hurt he was by this affirmation. He wiggled his arms up to push Martinelli away, but the latter was stronger and perhaps more determined to keep Fábio in his embrace.

“Wait. That crap I said to Saka?”

Fábio tried to push Martinelli’s chest again.

“Oi! I don’t know which parts you heard but I specifically told him that I love that about you!”

“Liar,” Fábio gritted, blinking away the tears that were tickling his eyes.

“I’ll get Saka to testify if you don’t believe me… But you should. Believe me.”

Fábio hated the shakiness in his voice that he couldn’t get rid of when he replied, “I was awake when you came back last night… you didn’t even hug me, and you slept like a baby.”

“C’mon Fábio. I didn’t want to wake you up,” Martinelli tried to reason with him, the rough pad of his thumb stroking his cheek and wiping the tear streak away. “The truth is that I love having you in my arms. All the time. But especially when I sleep.”

“Then why were you so quick to sympathize with Saka?”

“He’s been complaining about his girl all week. I didn’t know what to answer anymore. And by the way, I’m not Saka.” Martinelli squeezed Fábio and kissed his forehead. “I so happen to like having a clingy boyfriend who sleeps and drools on my chest.”

The fight inside Fábio dissipated and disappeared into the soil. Martinelli had smelled the landmine and managed to disarm it before a fatal explosion could occur.

Fábio turned soft and pliant in Martinelli’s arms, allowing himself to be rolled and tangled.

“Can you just talk to me next time?”

“Yes,” Fábio did feel a little guilty.

“And can you tell Ben to stop targeting me during practice?”

Fábio giggled and hummed yes.

[theambitiouswoman]

I’m working in a chancellery as a student since 3 months, I’m sitting at the reception. I really like to work there and I’m doing a good job. Every lawyer is very kind and friendly. Just this one lawyer never says hello to me or when he comes in he doesn’t even look at me. I didn’t care at the beginning. Last time I opened the door and saw him coming towards me, so I waited for him and held the door. He didn’t say thank you or even smiled. Since then it’s bothering me a little bit, I think his behavior is rude.

I stopped looking at him to or smiling at him, because I feel dumb when I’m doing this. With the other lawyers and workers there he isn’t like that.

Do you have an advice?

Thank you🤍

It's understandable that his behavior might bother you. People have different ways of interacting, and it's possible he may not realize his actions are coming across as rude. He may be the type of person that can take a while to be open to new people. He may just not be a friendly person at work. He may be a rude guy. Or he may not have any interest in talking to you. None of these things are a reflection of you. You could try giving it some time, and if you feel comfortable, you could address the situation politely and express how you feel if it comes to a point where he’s disrespectful.

This is your work place and I still think you should be polite. However there is a difference between being polite to someone you do not have rapport with and going out of your way to wait for someone to get to an elevator. Especially someone who doesn’t acknowledge you. That’s just doing too much and is probably why your feelings are hurt. Stop going above and beyond for people who do not even extend the courtesy of a simple hello. It’s not going to make them like you more. Boundaries.

[ughscara]

end of the year post.

heads up. if i sound sappy in some parts, i'm not sorry 🤍

as of me writing this, it's but a mere 20 minutes before it is officially the start of a new year.

it's a little surreal to believe that 2023 is coming to an end. a year that admittedly, was more emotionally and physically hectic for me. but i pushed through, and here i am going into 2024 as hopefully a better me.

to be honest, this year has been nothing but self reflection, realization and a lot of acceptance as well as embracing parts of myself that i thought i'd never return to. hobbies of mine like writing and drawing were ones i strayed away from for so, so long in 2023. but it more or so lead back into the tribulations i was facing then and still recovering from now.

it's a little surreal to me that months after months of doing nothing but reflection and getting back into what i love doing most just months before the year ended resulted into the me who decided to step into tumblr again and share my kuni ideas for the fun of it. that halloween fic i posted? just for shits and giggles at the time. but the fun i had writing it was a fun i wasn't able to feel throughout the entirety of 2023, and i admit the motivation boost i got from posting the fic afterwards, alongside checking in on the authors i used to follow just made something inside me click. and i went for it.

a bit more off topic but i still remember how i came back to genshin after a good five months or so in version 3.6 and doing the main event without knowledge of the sumeru quest line because i was avoiding spoilers. that day, i just finished taking an entrance exam for college and was exhausted from both the exam and from wearing myself out. midway into the introduction of the contestants; i was greeted with wanderer, or kuni in my vocabulary, being in the event and i was just smiling from ear to ear at the mere sight of him. feeling that same overflow of good emotions just take me whole to be honest, i was simply beyond happy. the way he spoke about writing about inazuma's societal issues because he was bored genuinely had me laughing for the first time that day.

i guess it's that simple little moment that hit me hard. it's silly, i'm aware, but it meant everything to me in a way. since that day in june; i was determined and full of creative drive to hopefully share at least one thing before the end of this year. look at me now, i have a series published that's yet to be finished so i can start on the next one in spring ( hopefully ), a one-shot to share for a moot and lastly... just a lot. i have a lot in store.

i have no right to say such things regarding my immense gratitude for the support i received from the few things i published, but the support i ended up getting on said few things — big and small — has made me realize that maybe i still feel very passionate about writing. that maybe i want to pursue the desire to publish all i have for that one fictional character that had my heart swoon the moment i saw him in a promotional trailer three years ago.

the ending note to 2023, starting october 31st when i published my first fic was a day that i'll always hold dear to me, my mutuals as well as the wonderful authors i follow made these past three months an absolute joy, and i cannot wait to make the most of my journey supporting each one of them ~

honestly i'm just rambling. but i am a professional yapper and to be honest i am writing all this on one cup of tea and like, six something hours of sleep i am absolutely not in the right headspace lmao. regardless! i am so so very glad to be here, to have survived an emotionally draining bitch of a year that was still an eventful year regardless to me, and starting the second of january... i shall be the bane of the scaranation's existence <3

we don't talk about how being that is actually a goal of mine because i think it'd be funny but i digress... 2024 will hopefully be just as much of an eventful year for me, for you, and everyone too. i believe that this year will be at least a little kinder to those who got absolutely shat on by 2023 ( pleek no more physical torment for me ) and if you're reading this, remember that this random stranger on the internet who's attempting to spread the kuni agenda is cheering you on for the year <3

i have a lot of stuff to share going forward. december was initially gonna be the month for all that but i had stuff going on that i ended prioritizing ( mainly my health ) so those initial plans will now move to the first month of a new year. mundanities with kabukimono will be finished in january, january 2nd will be interlocked eternities and lastly a late winter special that's actually a birthday gift for a mutual of mine ( mochi i am coming for you /menacingly )

oh it's 12 a.m. now, happy january first and happy 2024 everyone 🤍 may you be blessed with many wonderful days ahead. i shall see you on the second and third of january ~

[moonspirit]

Oh, another writer ask game, I'm in! I'm glad you rb it :3 💫🌈🦋🌿🍉🎀(yep, again, because your writing is amazin!)🎈💝🤍💥🎙️💋💌

OMG WAIT, I SCHEDULED THIS SOMETIME LAST WEEK TO POST LATER BUT THEN THERE WAS THAT OTHER ASK GAME AND I FORGOT TO DELETE THIS ONE WEOFIHWEIFUHWEIJ-

GODDAMNIT. aNYWAYS. Now I can't delete it #_#

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback? Any and all comments, really! I'm a crumb person and easy to please, you can send me a heart and I will have enough motivation to write the next chapter xD However I do especially like it when people find the symbolism or thematic relevances that I incorporate :3 Makes me feel like "yeah, I did good this time. good job me."

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with? Recently I've posted everything I've written, so... there's nothing nobody won't know. However I did struggle with that whole bonfire dancing scene in TFLM.

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic? Since I'm currently only writing AruAni, I feel like making Armin smart is a really fucking hard job xD For his character development, I need him to use his stellar brains, but that means I gotta make him use his stellar brains... and... T^T yeah, I worry a lot that readers will find what ultimately happens sounds silly/not clever enough.

🌿how does creating make you feel? VERY satisfied! Incredibly so! Makes me happy to write and post and share what I've created with people :3

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life? My fics are all a representation of things I want in my life, both the big and small. For example, in Chap 3 of VBEOW, Armin and Annie share hot chocolate in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning; that kind of comfortable intimacy and quiet shared space is something I also crave. Another example is in the very first part of the series where Annie gets Armin to cry and grieve - it's a reflection of the fact that I too want to care for someone in that kind of way. xD This is prolly TMI xD Sorry xD

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing Hmmm. Okay Moon, so, I'm very glad you started this series, tho it wasn't planned, it has made you very happy and you're managing to fill canon timeskips with something that is hopefully, making readers happy too.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change? I'm really not sure xD I think it's mostly consistent thus far (?)

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting? I believe Falling into Neptune was received better than I expected. I hadn't written anything that intense in a very long time, so I was pleasantly surprised when it got a hotter reaction than I was expecting. It made me realize I can create tension without making the characters take off their clothes -- a fact I am a bit proud of T^T Sorry.

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"? Hmmm. So Time Falls like Moonlight is a mammoth of a story to get through, but I put a whole lot of thematic depiction in this (it literally has 10+ scenes) and maybe it is the fact that it's very long and also that it's got a sequel already going on, so it feels like people have glossed over it. But oh well xD I'm happy with the reactions I have received :3

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it. The Lamplighter, Tokyo Ghoul. A fic about the relationship between Amon and his foster father Donato, with a slightly supernatural/fantasy twist, but still remains true to canon. It has very little kudos or interaction but I expected that, because people usually come to read romantic pairing fics and this is strictly a father-son fic. I still really like it though, it's probably badly written for the me of today's POV, but it's got a special place in my heart xD

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of? O_O Oh.. uh...that's a thing? xD I totally didn't know! But what works for a pod-fic tho? Dialogue heavy fics? Action/emotional monologue heavy fics? Maybe everything works? In which case... anything really T_T I'd be over the moon (pun intended)

💋when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer? If they want to reply back, sure! Most of them do these days, tho there are fics I've left comments on recently which were written one or two years ago, and the authors are prolly busy with their lives. But I'm always happy to read their replies, no matter when that is :3!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited! Oh, okay! Chapter 5 of VBEOW spoilers:

When done, she glances at Pieck who's still sitting on her stool, motionless and staring off into space, wet hair sticking to her back and shoulders, and a handful of shampoo resting on her knee, facing palm up.  "Pieck?"  "Hm?" "Are you not feeling… uh, want to go back?" "No," Pieck hums softly. She raises her cupped palm up. "Need to shampoo my hair but I'm feeling a little too tired." Annie lets her eyes roam over her deflated frame. Pieck, always buoyant and carefree, now limp and lifeless, and she’s never seen her like this before.

Thanks for the ask, tho this was completely an accident post #_#

[allthingsfook]

Hi! I just saw your ships post and I’d love one if you are still doing them :))

I’m a cancer sun and a leo rising. I have short red hair but i dye my bangs different colors all the time. I’m 5’8. I have a tattoo on my ribs of a bouquet of flowers. I wear a lot of funky earrings and love bold eye makeup! My love language is acts of service 100%. I am in school for theater and dance. I have been obsessed with music for as long as i can remember. My parents are artists. I love collecting records, poetry, and visiting local coffee shops! I love a good cry session! You’ll most likely find me spending time doing witchy and ghostly things. I’m pretty quiet and don’t speak much in public settings, but I have a lot of emotional intelligence and strength, which is my favorite quality about myself. I love my car! I drive a bug that is filled with stickers and greenery! I love planes and traveling. I’m uncomfortable when I’m still for too long. I think that love is the most important thing on earth and I genuinely take time each day do my best to find the beauty and love that is scattered around this planet (as corny as it sounds haha)! I hope that’s a good enough description!

Thank you for doing these! I have so much fun reading them :))

Hello beautiful Anon!!!! I ship you with….

Danny 🤍✨

I think Danny would notice your style from across the room and immediately be intrigued. Only to meet you and find out that you are wickedly cool!!! The first time he gets a glimpse of your tattoo (I imagine him noticing it as you change in the bathroom, door slightly ajar), he would admire the beautiful detail 🥰 Then reflect on how he’s always wanted one but never could decide on what he would get. Maybe that’s an excuse for him being a little nervous that it would hurt.

Through acts of service, which I feel all of the boys identify with, Danny and you would be volunteering at animal shelters, benefits, and charity events. It truly is a sense of community and accomplishment when you know you are helping those around you 💛🤍

Danny would take great interest in theatre and dance. He’d support you in every way possible. Whether it’s giving you alone time to practice, helping you prepare for a show, and most importantly, cheering you on during a production. He’d always have a bouquet of flowers ready for you 💐 Also, Danny would get along with your parents so well! Not that he wouldn’t win over any dad 😉 He’d be curious about their careers and stories throughout the years.

You and Danny certainly are the ones of the group that just sit back and take in all the goofiness of everyone around you. With a group of friends like Josh, Jake, and Sam, he has to let them get all their energy out. There’s no doubt that you two would have the greatest time during a night out, watching all the other’s crazy antics!

I love that you identified such amazing qualities in yourself, and Danny would admire that too! Emotional intelligence and strength….. that sounds so attractive!!!!! Danny definitely gravitates toward someone who is authentically themselves and independent. That shows him that you can stand for yourself when he’s away. Although it might be hard, he’d appreciate the dedication and strength it takes to be in that sort of relationship. Besides, he’d so do anything to make it up to you when he got home.

To build off that, travel would be a huge part of your relationship. As much as you think he’d be tired from the demanding travel schedule with his work, and want to stay home…. He loves to vacation 🏖️ All of those boys are incapable of staying still! Go ahead and be Danny’s little wanderer! (Check out Little Wanderer by Death Cab for Cutie!!! It’s such a Danny song!)

You are gunna have to struggle to get Danny from his Corvette, but once he rides in your bug, he’d realize how much he loves the aesthetic! Imagine road tripping it to the coast in it. His lush curls flowing in the sea salt breeze!!!

Your appreciation of love would be the biggest thing that brings the both of you together. Most of the time we don’t discuss our need of love and giving it to others, we more often show it. Isn’t that beautiful?! Our actions really speak louder than words, and that’s so pronounced with love. Although, when your dealing with a band like GVF, they tend to paint amazing images in our heads with their words…. And Danny did write a lot of Light my Love 🤍🤍

Let me know what you think!!!! I thought it was amazing 🤩