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pbandjesse · 1 year ago

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I cannot believe Camp is over. It both was the longest summer ever and the shortest. I am driving home now and it's 7:00. I've spent the last couple hours cleaning and organizing and finishing up all the little things I couldn't do because I still had to have my building as a functional space. But while this week had many annoying parts at least today ended in a really sweet way. And I feel really happy and content inside.

After I do my post last night I stayed up way too late. I couldn't get comfortable. I have this problem in my hammock sometimes when I'm trying to position the blanket underneath me where I end up crooked like on the edge of the hammock and then I'm uncomfortable and then finding a way to make the sand hit me in the right way is the whole thing. But once I fell asleep I actually slept really well.

I woke up at like 7:30 and laid in bed until 8:15. I felt weird. But fine. I would get up eventually and washed myself up and tried to shake off my sleepiness. I really liked my outfit today and I felt very cute. But I knew that today was going to have a lot of moving parts. There were a lot of things to do.

this morning I would have a yogurt for breakfast and some of my old pizza from yesterday. And I would take a little walk and then I would go and start putting things away that I could. Most of my stuff I had dealt with last week but there was some stuff I could still deal with. Ty brought some things up throughout the day. And I was able to pack those down into the cabinet. And he also wanted to paint a bow and a spear that he made. I am still a little frustrated that he never came last night or said anything so really kind of hurt my feelings but it's fine. It's his loss if he didn't do the project. And I hope he would value the projects that he did complete.

I did get a little frustrated today because I just felt like I never had moments alone. Someone was always in the building talking to me. And then Louisa was there and she's great and I love her but she just talks talks talks. And Even when I'm trying to talk to my group sometimes she still is talking and she tells me that oh she's just talking to herself. But it's very distracting for me and then it makes the other kids think they can talk over me and then it just sets a bad precedent. I really like that she likes to hang out with me but I also felt very overstimulated having no moments where someone wasn't speaking to me and I couldn't just sit still and do the things that I needed to do.

But to her credit she was incredibly helpful at times. Annabelle had let me take the box of scrap leather that she didn't think was usable and we dumped it on the ground and spent like a half an hour sorting through it to find anything we thought could be cut down into squares to be usable. And while most of the box was too small and is going to be scrapped trash. We got like a good containers worth of material. And it was fun just working on that.

My groups are a little silly today. Like it just felt like everyone was too tired to do anything. Some people made stuff but today no one was really into the project and if they just want to sit there that's them I don't care. I also didn't want to do anything. So most people just hung out and that was fine with me. I enjoyed other people's company and tried to just be chill.

I did not get as much knitting done today as I was hoping. But I'll have tomorrow at the market so I'm not that worried. I worked on putting things away that I still had out and I kind of figured out a plan for my recycling and a lot of my materials and then I came up with a plan for putting away my tables and chairs. Eventually I would also take all the carpets up from under my hammock and fold those up to put in my storage chest. Louisa kept saying that it was getting emptier and emptier in there and she wasn't wrong.

Louisa Kendall lunch with me which at that point I was very burnt out and just wanted to stare at my phone. But my phone was having a lot of services today and was having trouble loading anything. I was excited about lunch though because we had vegetarian hot dogs. And they weren't good ones but I was still excited to eat a hot dog. I love hot dogs. And I sat with Celia and Annabelle and Annabelle did not get her full specialty groups picture but we did take a little shot together and I thought it was really cute. It also was a live photo so we got it as a little video.

And after I finished eating Celia went inside to get her and Annabelle another hot dog and brought my plate to put away for me but then she broke the plate back out by accident and we all had a very silly laugh. And then Annabelle shared some digestive cookies that she brought. I think it's funny that I'm calling them digestive cookies but I I know what I mean. And that's all that matters. And they were fine. A little boring. She described them like a graham cracker and I would agree with that. Like a really light and boring graham cracker.

After that I told him I needed to go and lay in the dark for a little while. And Louisa would come back up and I told her like we said please I need to be alone and she said okay I will be back in 1/2 hour. And I was like okay fine. And I sat in my hammock and read my book and I did not finish it but that is okay. I did enjoy reading and I felt a lot better after taking my alone time rest.

My afternoon groups were fine. I had the little kids. Day Camp one. Kenny's in that group. And he had a little tantrum when I wouldn't let him make a third sculpture. It's not because I didn't want him to make a third sculpture it was because I'd stab myself twice and we were cleaning up. But he's through himself on the ground. And like I get it. I would also be upset but Kenny use your words. Don't throw yourself with the floor. And then I got him a bag and put all the materials in so we can make it later and it was fine. He was over it. But it still made me sad to see him sad. That group actually did make some good stuff but again we ran into the problem with the scissors being terrible. At least their counselors helped. I did not have all helpful counselors today. I had some help from counselors but it is definitely a mixed bag.

I had my little half hour break and during that time I did some organizing and put some more stuff away. I decided that today I was also going to go through my Native American field trip stuff. And so I wanted to make lists of what will be in each kit so that it's in like an easier grab than what I've been doing before. They were boxed already but it was a lot of extra stuff that made the boxes very heavy and I want everything to be much more streamlined. So I made those lists and while I was sitting there a CIT and Louisa came down to ask for help but I was not the best person to be helpful so we found Nick and it was fine. And then Louise and me finished her embroidered pillow. I sewed it on the sewing machine and then she stuffed it and I would do a ladder stitch to hide the seam. And it looked great. I should have grabbed a picture of it because she did such a good job. And the tipis was there.

They were so excited when they found out that I saved metal for them. I haven't let anyone cast anything in like 2 weeks because I wanted the last group to get to do metal casting. And that was such a good call on my part and we had like exactly enough metal to get them all one or two pieces. And they made some really fun things. A fish and then arrow and someone even tried to recreate a nail. It didn't work 100% of the time but we all got to experiment with stuff and it was really fun. And we used almost all of the last ever metal. Couple of them even made rings which are very difficult to do. And Louisa even made one which was really cute. And it was a lot of fun. We talked about metal casting and how that works and what can work and what doesn't and there was experimentation and interesting shapes. And I just had some nice conversations with the kids. And I always really enjoy that. They're a good group.

My last group of the day came 10 minutes early and I was like you have to take them somewhere else in the counselor It doesn't speak a lot and was not super receptive to that. And I was just like I don't know what to tell you my other group is here. I have cleaning up the metal and a couple of their metal pieces were still too hot for them to take. And so I put the memory refrigerator to try the cool them down and it worked a little but it wasn't ideal. So I gave the one that was still too hot to PJ so that he could hold on to it until it cools down. I hope they came out okay. I hate not being able to see them to make sure that they got something cool. Especially because the one girl's piece broke and half the first time for some reason. I think there was still too much dirt in the metal. I'm usually pretty good about cleaning it before I pour it but sometimes mistakes happen.

And then my last group was there for real that time. And they did fine. They didn't make much but the ones that did did a good job. They help me clean up in the counselor while he was not super talkative he did help me bring in every single chair so I didn't have to do it and that was very kind of him. And while they were working I put all of the materials away that I could. And I started clearing off my table that I use for project display and then putting away some of the examples that people made that just came out really good and I was just really happy with how everything was coming together. Ty had brought me more stuff to put away. Including food which I was like you cannot store food in here. And so he said he would take that to the office and I would start putting that stuff in boxes that would fit in the cabinet. And then it was just waiting for the kids to be done. And once they were they helped me bring all the materials in. The girls did so good. The boys did not and I made the pig cardboard up off the floor because they were just kind of slowly putting their shoes on after the hammock and by the time they did the girls had gotten all the supplies inside and they were like oh we don't have to do anything and I said no you're going to pick up cardboard scraps. And then they were mad at me but I don't care because they need to clean up. It's one of those things that drives me insane like when kids say that they have to go to the bathroom right now as soon as we start cleaning. No you'll go one more done cleaning.

But then we were done. My last group of the summer. And I was alone. I would spend the next hour cleaning went away. And then I finally got into my organization of my Native American field trip stuff.

I took a walk down to the office and teased to CJ about how I texted her and she never texted me back but it turns out it was my phone. Because there's something wrong with it today and I'm not getting all the text messages. And I'm sad about it. I want to know what she said to me. But it was good to see her. I know she was super busy today and then I went back up and continued working. Celia texted me and asked if I was up there and she met me on my way back up from the office. And she would hang out with me organization she worked on her computer on her lesson planning and her animal care sheets. American field trip stuff and picking up things that I'm going to use and putting the things that I'm not going to use inboxes with lids so they can go to the Yukon basement. Because I'm sure it'll get used to or something in the future but it's just not something that I need. And I want to try to eliminate as much confusion as possible by having less materials in these boxes.

And I was having a great time doing it. And a couple people even came up to have me sign their T-shirts which I thought was so cute. It was almost all boys but it was very sweet and I always signed with a little teddy bear next to my name.

When one of The stockade counselors came up to have me sign their T-shirt I was like oh can you ask Jorge to come up and give me a hug because I'm going to be leaving tonight. And he said oh okay So he went and got Jorge. And Jorge was like you're leaving tonight?! And I was like yes I know you're flying out on Monday and I wanted to say thank you for how nice you were to me all summer and he was like thank you so much for the sticker and all the stuff that you did and fixing my stuffed animal and he was just so sweet. We got a big hug and then him and the boys were sitting outside because they were hoping my hammocks were there but they were not. And so instead I was like hey I really want the cubby that's down at the lodge. I was told that someone would bring it to me at the summer but it never happened would you guys be able to get it. And Jorge and the boys went and got it from me and I know it was heavy cuz it's solid wood but they brought it all the way up to me and I am just so thrilled. It was such a kind gesture and it really made me feel like people were showing up to for me.. because honestly today I did not feel that way all the time. Especially when I moved all the tables inside the building by myself. I did turn them over like rolling on their side so it wasn't super heavy but I did have to do it by myself and that made me sad.

But then having Celia there she help me carry some boxes down that I absolutely should not have been carrying by myself. She watch me almost fall off a chair and was like nope I'm going to be helping you now. And it was really nice. And she had to leave eventually because she had to work on stuff in the nature lodge but I kept working and around 6:40 I was finishing up as a couple CITs came in to have me sign their shirts and asked about what I was doing and I told him about the name American field trip and they were so excited for me which made me feel really excited. And then I got to meet Antonio's mom and I didn't realize Antonio was only 18 so that was neat. And I got to tell her all about my organization and she seemed really excited about it. I love when people are excited about things I'm excited about.

And I finally got to sign off on Antonio's art project because he worked so hard on his charcoal drawing. And then I went down to say goodbye to the people in the office.

I called them just as they were about to cross the field and it was perfect timing. I gave Heather, Alexi, and Chris hugs and told them how one side of the outside of the art building is stuff for storage and how one side is trash. And how so happy that I'm going to be coming back in two weeks I hope that the ceremony tonight goes wonderful.

But I am going home. I am so tired and so dirty. I cannot wait to take a real shower and wash my hair. I definitely think I have outgrown staying at camp. I think 2 years was enough. But you know it's okay. I love being at camp at the drive isn't bad. I just wish gas was cheaper. I hope that get all of the stuff that I have in the car in the house quickly. It was definitely a struggle to get all of my stuff in here especially the hammock stand. But it's all in here and it needs to be washed desperately. But that's for another day.

I'm almost home now and tomorrow I have the market. And CJ's going to be there so I'm excited about that. And I'm just looking forward to having a couple weeks where I don't have to do anything. So I'm going back to camp on the 5th but for the next two weeks I'm just going to chill. I'm hoping that I can go and see my parents and hoping that I can do some organizing and getting rid of at the apartment and maybe I'll go to the dragon bow festival that I'm looking at the sign for on the highway. But I just hope that it isn't good and restful time.

I hope that you guys all have a safe evening. be careful out there because people are driving like crazy people. Good night my friends.

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ghostgothgeek · 4 years ago

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Map of Amity Park

So I did a bunch of research and traced over the map the GIW had in DCMH and extended it to try and build a map of Amity Park. I also paid close attention to locations and places named in canon. I am by no means an artist, map maker, photoshop pro, or civil engineer; I just wanted a general reference map for the phandom to use.

Here is where I place Amity Park. We know AP isn’t in Michigan or Wisconsin, but is most likely a day drive away from Madison (Bitter Reunions). AP is a decent sized city of itself, so I can see it being an outskirt of a large city like Chicago. Lancer mentions the Northwestern Testing, and Northwestern University is in Evanston, IL, which is why I placed it where it is.

LIST OF PLACES (in great detail):

Every city needs it’s basic services: energy supply, water supply, sewage, and trash/recycling. These of course are located more on the edge of the city, as they need a large amount of space and are typically isolated.

I placed a local airport in the city as well. Typically you would fly out of one of Chicago’s airports anyway, but private planes (Vlad, Mansons, etc.) can take off and land here.

University of Amity Park is located at the north side of the city, and is home to a Nasty Burger location, an LGBT Center, and is probably near a gas station. The blocks surrounding the campus are more student housing.

Near the University, we have the Science Center, Axion Labs, a Mental Institute, and the Museum, as a lot of research from the University would go into those places.

In the more isolated areas, we have the Penitentiary, the abandoned North Mercy Hospital, and the GIW Headquarters.

The Zoo is located on the north side of the park and is also close to the University for research purposes.

The Observatory is also located in a more isolated area, so you can actually see the stars without a bunch of light pollution.

Going into the center of town, where most things are actually located:

A community college, which is near the internet cafe where Danny and Tucker play games, a gas station, a liquor store, a thrift shop, a Planned Parenthood, Java Jive (the coffee shop), a tech store, and a gym.

We also have a shoe store, the hunting goods store and Guitar Palace that Skulker and Ember take over in Reign Storm, the U-Ship Box Store the Box Ghost takes over, a barber and a hardware store.

There is a hair salon, tanning salon, and nail salon, where Paulina frequents. There is also Elmer’s Pharmacy, a dentist office, a law office, the TV repair store, butcher shop, and pet store (which we see next to each other in an episode), a toy store, and a vet office.

Government buildings include City Hall, a public library, a court house, a DMV, a bus station (for all mass transit in the city), a community center (likely where town halls are located and other smaller events; Ida plays bingo here every week), and a retirement home.

There is also the post office, Amity Park Fire Department, a bank, the 24K Jewelry shop, a nearby ice cream shop, and another Nasty Burger location (this is the one right by Casper High that the trio usually hangs at). Also an animal shelter, a grocery store, and a pizza joint.

Education: there is a preschool and daycare, the elementary school, a playground/park, the middle school (yes, a Beetlejuice reference), and Casper High. Casper High campus also has the track, a fieldhouse, and the football field.

Moving towards Amity Park Mall:

Bucky’s Music Mega Store, an apartment complex, Amity Park Police Department, a bookstore, doctor clinic, gas station, a Denny’s (where Phight Club happens), Material Grill restaurant, the mini golf course and bowling alley, Freddy Fazbear’s (which is actually a horror video game, but here it’s a kids pizza place like Chuck E. Cheese), a furniture store, a party supply store, and the movie theater (which is Marmel’s Multiplex 22, Amity Park Multiplex, and Googolplex Cinemas...it seems that they go to the same movie theater throughout the series and the names just change, or these could also be other movie theaters in the area (like near the college campus). I just picked Multiplex 22 cause it sounded very mall-y).

Along the interstate, there’s a pawn shop, a publishing house (which somehow prints all 5 of Amity Park’s newspapers), a homeless shelter, the diner, Safe House Motel, a laundromat, the 89¢ Store (a nod to Fanning the Flames), and the car dealership.

Also near the mall is Amity Arena, which hosts concerts, sports events, and other large entertainment events. There is a hotel near both the arena and the hospital (the one that isn’t abandoned and haunted). Towards the outskirts of the hospital, there’s a trailer park; north a few blocks is the TV station, where News 4 is headquartered. There’s also a construction site near Amity Arena, but that kinda went out the window when Undergrowth hit.

On the other side of town, we have:

A-Mart, a convenience store. I named it like this because it can be like an offshoot of KMart, but A for Amity!

Floody Waters, right off the interstate.

North of Floody Waters, East of Casper High, we have the main residences: the Foley household and only a couple blocks away is Fenton Works.

There’s also another gas station and the Amity Park Radio Station nearby. There’s also a private school near ultra posh Polter Heights, but the A-Listers attend Casper High because the private school doesn’t have a football or cheerleading team.

Moving into Polter Heights and the surrounding area:

The Polter Heights Golf Course and Country Club are exclusive to those in the neighborhood, as well as their private neighborhood pool; members only.

The Mayor’s Mansion (eventually Vlad’s) is located in here too.

All of the A-Listers’ houses are of course in this neighborhood, as well as Val’s previous residence and the Fenton’s temporary mansion from Living Large (which is of course right next door to Vlad, but with some distance, because the rich are always socially distancing with their big houses).

Polter Heights is adjacent to a bunch of farmland (this is the midwest, we like cows and stuff), and there is a church close by as well.

Just outside Polter Heights is the Manson Mansion (with Sam’s greenhouse). Lucky for Sam, the Skulk and Lurk Books and an occult shop are just down the street. The Manson residence is also near a funeral home and graveyard (how did Sam get so lucky? Oh, because I love her), a synagogue, Mario’s restaurant, and a dry cleaners.

We get more spacious as we get away from the center of town!

Along the shore of Lake Eerie, there are the docks which are home to many warehouses, including the mattress factory.

Also along the shoreline, there is a pier which doubles as an amusement park (think kinda like Navy Pier in Chicago in comparison) and alongside the pier is the public beach area.

Camp Skull and Crossbones is located on the other side of Lake Eerie, and the fishing area is more on the north side of the lake. Lake Eerie is not one of the Great Lakes, it’s just its own thing in Amity Park.

Back towards the park, we have event grounds space, which is where Circus Gothica is located, as well as the Meet Swap and flea market. Basically whatever rotating event hits town, it comes right here. Just next door is a theatre (for music, opera, Broadway, etc.). There is also the third and final Nasty Burger location in AP.

This is all surrounding the actual park Amity Park, which has a pond, a big fountain, and also hosts that really big hill that overlooks City Hall.

On the south side, across the bridge and over the interstate is Elmerton, where Val currently is resided.

All the other blocks are filled with more office buildings, apartment complexes, houses, and businesses, but all of the main places are already listed and placed.

Finally, yes, I did name some places for myself and my friends because they’re great and they deserve it. These include Steph’s (mine) Occult Shoppe, Nick’s Liquor Emporium (@ecto-american), Lexx R Us Toystore (@lexosaurus and appropriately named after the Lexxpocalypse), Laz’s Law Offices LLC (@kinglazrus), Dee’s Dentistry (@qlinq-qhost), Lily’s Looks Thrift Store (@dannyphantomisameme), Ceci’s Funeral Home (@ceciliaspen), Vic’s Amusement Park (@babypop-phantom), and Reverie Books (@wastefulreverie).

#Danny Phantom #Amity Park #this is literally not a perfect map but here have it anyways #I hope this actually comes into use for you guys #stephanie shares things #Amity Park Map #map of Amity Park #long post

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wizardlyghost · 2 years ago

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- as i step aboard the HYDRAULIC PLATFORM which will bear my wide-eyed form to the surface, the GAME offers me one last chance from beyond the FOURTH WALL. "please, GHOST," it begs, "please reconsider your S.P.E.C.I.A.L. stats! to face this world with STRENGTH and CHARISMA and ENDURANCE scores as low as yours is an act of madness!"

- i barely even read the NOTIFICATION BOX. "to do otherwise would be an act of cowardice," i say. "the world can only kill me once."

- "that's not actually how videogames work-"

- "shut up."

- "ok."

- so anyway i exited the VAULT and, shockingly, the world had not survived NUCLEAR ARMAGEDDON. i tottered on down the hill, past the TANGLED SKELETONS of people who had died in the BLAST 200 years ago, many of whom i presumably knew personally. i assume the VAULT TECH SALESMAN was among them, but i was unable to distinguish his bones from those of everyone else refused entry to the VAULT. diogenes laughed.

- when i got down to SANCTUARY i found MISTER CODSWORTH the ROBOT BUTLER watering some extremely dead flowers. he tried to put a BRAVE FACE on but pretty much immediately had a FULL BREAKDOWN about being left alone with no purpose to fulfil for two centuries. TODD HOWARD you give me a button combo to give this robot a hug right fucking now.

- notably, he claims that he hasn't seen Anyone in all this time. this possibly means that the ASSHOLES who kidnapped BABY(?) SHAWN didn't come through this way?

- as another side note, this is the first full dialogue sequence of the game that isn't tied to character creation, and i had forgotten that the camera goes third person when my character is talking. those GLASSES i picked up from the OVERSEER's shrivelled corpse? i am now legally barred from ever removing them from CAT's face. it's a Look.

- i elected to explore the VILLAGE alone, remembering enough from last time to know that if i took MISTER CODSWORTH along he would charge directly into battle and i would probably end up accidentally shooting him several times. i used this time to familiarise myself with the WORKBENCH aspect of the game, which i hadn't really used previously. recycling all of the RUINED DEBRIS in the VILLAGE was a weirdly theraputic way to come to terms with the TRAGIC DEATH of HOWARD-TODD.

- i also got my first taste of HACKING in this game. i fucking love these kinds of logic puzzle so much fam. i've got a little physical notebook that i work the answers out on and everything. so far this is my absolute favourite part of the game.

- at some point i realised that i had racked up enough XP to level up. i took my first PERK in MEDIC because cleaning up the VILLAGE reminded me of the rp value of acting like the npcs of this world are real people, and building my character to be able to help them rather than just power levelling as fast as my ammo supplies would allow. in character i guess i just felt like the act of cleaning up the ruins of the world that from my perspective i had only been living in this morning drove it home that if i wasn't going to try to fix things then what in the goddamn else was i gonna do?

- with that deep thought i headed on up the hill to the RED ROCKET TRUCK STOP, which in my mind will forever be called PIZZA PLANET because there will always be a toy story kid buried somewhere in my exhausted soul. on the way there i met the TRUE HERO of FALLOUT 4: DOG THE DOG! he is a GOOD BOY and immediately saved me from a bunch of NAKED MOLE RATS. i pet him on the head and tried to give him a CAN OF DOG FOOD that i had found back in the village. possibly this isn't intended to be a consumable item, as he just solemnly carried it around in his inventory. i guess, like most dogs, he doesn't know how can openers work.

- i explored around the PIZZA PLANET TRUCK STOP and found an underground cave with a bunch of cool shit inside, along with a bunch of NUCLEAR WASTE BARRELS that had been extremely responsibly disposed of by tucking them away dirECTLY UNDERNEATH THE NUCLEAR POWERED FUEL STATION WHAT!?!?!?

- there must be a constant earthquake going on around the ruins of osha hq as everyone who has ever inspected a worksite turns in their grave at once. this shit made ME turn in my grave, and i'm not even THERE yet. as someone who just spent two centuries nonconsensually frozen to death in a world where people get radiation poisoning from their cola this is maybe the worst health and safety violation i have yet seen. at least when VAULT-TECH disregarded human life it was intentional.

- new LAWYERLY OBJECTIVE unlocked: personally resurrect the OCCUPATIONAL HEALTH AND SAFETY ADMINISTRATION.

- anyway after NOPE-ing my way right the fuck back out of that cave i continued following the road towards CONCORD. it was here, in a house on the outskirts, that i made my most important discovery to date - a red bandanna, perfectly suited to be worn by my new best friend, DOG THE DOG. as i tied it around his neck, i heard in the distance the sound of gunfire, and decided that this was the perfect time to call it a night before i got sucked too deep into the action.

#it's possible that the dog has a name but i can't remember if i heard it last time so for now i'm just gonna keep calling him dog the dog #fallout 4 #FALLOUT 4: THE RESURRECTION OF OSHA #FALLOUT 4 LIVEBLOG: THE GHOST FALLS OUT

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pinkjeanist · 4 years ago

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“just take care of yourself.” || fatgum

⇥ After his doctor tells Taishiro to slow his eating for his health, you start to sit with him while he eats. Talking becomes a good way to distract him, but it soon becomes his path to healing- and surprisingly, it does for you, too. [1.5k words]

a/n: this one has a lot of feelings. i just really love him. i also think it’s wild how this is the second fic i��ve written today. wack. this is another fic to add to the lofi collection, which i havent done much for recently, so it’s nice to get back to that!! [navigation] [just take care of yourself]

A lot of people didn’t realize just how much Taishiro had to eat to get all of his fat back after using it in a fight. Of course, he gained weight much faster than most, but one must also take into account that he’s eight-foot-two, and has to gain at least twice his minimum body weight if he wants to ensure that he has enough fat for his jobs to go well each and every time. But despite eating being one of the main components to his quirk, there always came a point where he just couldn’t eat more than he already had. His stomach was hyper-functioning, but not limitless.

You knew this, and you knew Taishiro did as well, but he’d always been a go-beyond-plus-ultra kind of guy, and put the public’s need for his quirk and heroship over his own well-being. This resulted in a lot of long nights with him bending over the toilet to throw up what he couldn’t keep down, and you giving him belly massages when it started acting up. But eventually, it got to the point where even his own doctor told him he needed to slow down, and take more time to eat instead of rushing back to duty.

This was very hard for him. You knew you wouldn’t be able to ever completely understand why, but you were there for him nonetheless. Long nights turned into sleepless ones for him over his growing anxiety. The stomach pains came and went a little less than they had, but the dark clouds kept looming over him all the same.

At first, you weren’t sure if you should try to help him. Despite his outgoing and friendly nature, he was a rather independent person, and it just didn’t feel like your place to try to get him on the right track. So you started to spend more time with him while he ate, just to keep him company and make sure he was okay, instead of trying to do anything too direct.

Most of what Taishiro ate was fast food, since it was easy to gain fat with it and even faster to get his hands on. You couldn’t eat much of it, but he could eat it for hours if he went slow enough, so you ate a couple fries every now and again and spent the rest of your time at the table getting him to talk as to slow down his intake. It was sometimes hard to think of things to talk about, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t working like a charm.

At first, it was mostly like the afterwork small-talk you usually made: “How was your day? Anything exciting? Whose asses did you kick? Is Amajiki doing okay? What do you mean Kirishima got his hand stuck in the printer?” And he was content talking about it. But after a few days, all of his answers were the same, seeing as not much had been changing. So you had to get creative.

“What’s your opinion on pineapple on pizza?”

“Absolutely delectable. Food of the Gods. Next question.” You chuckled to yourself and bit into one of the many sandwiches stacked on the table.

“What about pickles? I’ve never seen you eat those.”

“If you saw me eating pickles, that would be an evil clone of me. Pickles are detestable to mankind.” You laughed this time, and he smiled warmly at you before taking another bite of his sandwich. You silently pushed his drink towards him to remind him to wash it down after.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about a food you didn’t like except coconut.” You set your sandwich back down in the box and took a drink.

“Well, most stuff goes down easy, but I can’t stand coconut for the life of me. Pickles are even worse.”

“What else don’t you like, then?”

You spent the rest of that night talking about food until it made you feel more full than you were. For the first time in a while, he didn’t ask you to massage his belly and back, and you didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to find him in the bathroom. But what made you happy the most, was that he seemed happier, too.

But after a while, you were finding deeper conversations making their way to the table (no pun intended) more often. One minute you’d be discussing things that should be recyclable, and the next you were talking about how useless you felt seeing all of those terrible landfills and the rising emissions and not being able to do much more about it than putting bottles and plastic in the right bin. And, on some of the nights that veered in that direction, you both started talking about things you didn’t have the time or guts to have said before.

“I think my quirk is gonna kill me one day, darlin’.” You paused in your eating, but his eyes remained downcast at his food. “This kind of eatin’ isn’t good for a regular person, and even with, uhm- how I am,” Taishiro loosely gestured to his body. “I don’t think it can take this much. Not in the long run, anyway.”

You’d considered it a few times before, but nothing had ever happened to cause real concern. The doctors never said anything. You were starting to realize that maybe they didn’t have to. Maybe it was something you should have seen before, something you should have realized a long time ago. Hearing him say it made your heart sink.

“I don’t like hearing you talk like that, honey. I don’t-” You gave a frustrated sigh, setting your food down and resting your arms on the table. “-I don’t like to think about...about not having you here.”

“I’m a hero, darlin’. I’m surprised you don’t think about it every day.” He was slow when he took a bite of his sandwich. He seemed distant, now.

“Do you?” He turned to you, stilling again. You swallowed. “Do you think about dying? Every day?”

He set his food down again. You could tell he probably wasn’t going to pick it back up for the night. “I think about what would happen if I left you all alone. What would happen to you if I were gone. Not so much thinkin’ about dyin’ as I do about you.”

You could feel your eyes grow wet. You could see emotion welling in his own, too. You didn’t think you’d cry that night when you sat down for dinner, but anything could always happen, you guessed.

The two of you started talking more about the future after that night. Death seemed a little too real, a little too close for comfort, so you talked like you could outlive it. You hadn’t considered marriage much before he brought up how much trouble he’d have to go through to find a dealer who could make a ring in his size. You hadn’t considered having children until he started talking about how cute all the babies and kids were on his patrol, and how good you’d look with one in your arms.

So you told him all the places you wanted to go one day, and where you might want to have a wedding. You discussed all the baby names you’d thought of, and which ones would fit a baby of what you thought your offspring would look like. You would want a girl named Honoka, Taishiro would want a girl named Sumiko. You both thought Mamoru was a good boy name, though.

You could see the progression of Taishiro’s health every time he gained weight, and you could also see the light grow brighter in his smiles. You could swim in his happiness when he laughed. You could feel his love for you in your bones every time he kissed you, or touched you, or when he whispered little nothings to you in the dark. He was becoming whole again, if you had ever known a time when he was completely there in the first place, and you could feel yourself growing with him.

His soft touches on the small of your back and on your cheeks made you feel more grounded. When you asked about his day, he responded in earnest, and you clung to every word. He pulled you back to Earth when you hadn’t even realized you were drifting away.

You hadn’t realized how unreal everything felt until you thought of what lay ahead, both for you and Taishiro. It was like you were close to graduating again, having to consider what you wanted with your life and where you’d go from there. You’d always thought getting married. You’d always thought about having kids. But you had never considered it- not genuinely, not when it was an option available to you. You could feel a change bubbling beneath your surface.

But you could see him changing, too. Even when you weren’t there to eat with him, you could tell he took his time with it. You could see him start to care about his own thoughts and needs as much as he cared about your’s. He started to feel whole to you, no matter whether he had fat on his bones or not, and you could tell he was starting to feel it, too.

taglist: @knifeewifee @keigos-dove @hanniejji @bvnnyclouds @wesparklebitch @katsukis-sad-angel

- dm/inbox to be added or removed from a taglist.

#fatgum x reader #taishiro toyomitsu #taishiro toyomitsu x reader #bnha fatgum #taishiro x reader #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #fatgum #reader insert #bnhabookclub #bnhabookclub bingo event

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venomous--fics · 5 years ago

Text

Do you wonder?

Inspiration/ Mood music: Do You Wonder- Khai Dreams // Maybe We’re Meant to be Alone - Bad Suns

Summary: A one night stand with Eddie over a decade ago might have been the best thing to ever happen.

Pearlie: Do you Wonder is the big mood for this fic, so, put that on loop tbh. But the Bad Suns song is also a mood and so good. Also, please don’t mind the name I picked for the kid, it’s literally my middle name and I had no other ideas, rip me. yes, my name is Pearlie Quinn… My dad said Harley Quinn was overrated and now I am CURSED. Might do a part 2 to this, as Eddie doesn’t have V in this bit.

STORY:

You were walking down the sidewalk, right behind your daughter, Quinn, who, at 12, has already decided she’s going to be some sort of scientist, or, better yet, an astronaut. You couldn’t help but be fascinated with her imagination and curiosity of new things.

You watched her eyes light up when she talked about how rain clouds formed, or how rockets were built. She had the same spark that her dad had. It brought back memories of being in college with her father, Eddie Brock. He was always a nerd, talking about he was going to have his own newspaper, or his own news show.

Sadly, you didn’t know if any of his dreams came true. Things got a bit weird after that one night. You knew it was going to mess things up, but you loved Eddie and you just wanted to be with him. He loved you, and you could see it- Everyone could.

Weeks after the whole ‘it won’t change a thing.’ schtick, you found out you were pregnant. You were grateful you were almost done with college, but what about after? Would Eddie be okay with this? You were going to tell Eddie about it, but then you saw him out on a date with a different girl.. She was a bit taller than you, looked more professional. Blonde.

You decided that maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to just not tell Eddie.. He looked happy with that girl anyways. You wondered if they were married now.. Maybe he had kids with her. Is he happy? Does he think about you?

“Mom.”

“Oh!” you chirped, bring your attention back to her, “Yes?”

“You think maybe we can- like- go out for something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Sure! You pick and I’ll buy.”

“Kinda hoping you’d pay.. I’m not exactly rich at the moment.” she smirked.

She looked exactly liked him, even had his signature lopsided smirk- His hair- His humor.

“When you get rich, send me a check.” you chuckled.

“Fifty-fifty.”

“Fair.”

Quinn spun around and shot you finger guns, and you laughed, and she continued backwards, accidentally bumping into someone. She awkwardly shuffled closer to you and whipped around, “My bad.”

The person hesitated before turning around, and you felt your heart stop. You covered your mouth to hold in a gasp, quickly masking it as clearing your throat.

“Y/N?”

“Eddie?”

“Hey!”

Before you could think of an escape plan, he pulled you into a hug. You tried to fight the urge, but you gave in and hugged him as tightly as you could.

“Ahem?” Quinn sarcastically coughed.

You pulled away and gestured to your daughter, “Eddie, this is, uh.. This is, uhm..”

“Quinn.”

“Right, yes, this is my daughter, Quinn.” you nervously brushed some hair out of your face.

“Daughter?” Eddie asked, looking at her.

He raised a brow as Quinn seemed to scan Eddie over. He and the kid tilted their head in the same manner, almost as if they were connecting the dots. Eddie felt like he was looking in a mirror, yet, not. Quinn, to him, looked like her mother, but something felt..like it was him.

Quinn smiled a little, “I recognize him! He the guy from all your old pictures.”

“Yes, well,” you felt your face heat up, “You’re right.”

“You still have those dusty things?” Eddie chuckled, “What was your reason again? Scrapbooking?”

“It’s a fun hobby.”

“For old ladies, I think.” Eddie smiled at you, “Joking. Joking.”

You awkwardly laughed along with him, wanting nothing more than to just scream and hide. This felt like a train wreck waiting to happen- assuming it hasn’t already.

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Oh,” you faltered, “Uh-”

“Don’t know.” Quinn cut in, rather bluntly, “I mean, my mom knows, but she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Says, ‘I’m not old enough.’ I’m 12, isn’t that old enough?”

Eddie looked puzzled again. Surely you weren’t the type to just… Have a kid on your own. You always told him about you wanted a family, and a nice house, and maybe a dog or two… He had to admit, whoever the guy was, he was kinda jealous.. Even if he wasn’t around.

“So, I assume you’re not married?”

“Have no need for it.” you said, “I’m happy.”

Eddie looked back at Quinn, who was still looking up at him, eyes bright and beautiful.

“What about yourself?” you asked.

“Me? Ah, you know, n’thing’s changed but the weather.” he chuckled, a little sadder this time.

You raised a brow, “I can still tell when you’re lying.”

Eddie awkwardly rubbed his neck, “Everything’s fine.”

You saw Quinn growing bored, hearing her huff and blow hair out of her face.

“Hey, do you, maybe wanna get lunch with us?” Quinn half shouted.

You looked over at her.

“What?” she asked, “I’m dying over here and you guys keeping talking and talking aaaand taaalllkkiiiing.”

Eddie let out a genuine laugh, “Sure, I don’t mind- If your mom doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Good. Let’s go.” Quinn pleaded.

“Just so you know, I talk with my mouth full,” Eddie joked, “Ms. Square over there always said it was bad manners.”

“It is. I also don’t want to see what you’re chomping on.”

Quinn giggled as you three walked together, “He’s funny.”

“He’s okay,” you said.

“Okay?” Eddie faked offense, “I’ll have you know, I can make Mrs.Chen laugh. That is not an easy task.”

“Mrs.Chen?” Quinn tilted her head again, “Whose that.”

“Real nice lady. She owns a little shop downtown. Maybe we can go sometime- I think she’d get a kick out of you.”

Your heart began thumping at the thought of doing things with Eddie again. Maybe if he got cozy, you could get a chance to tell him the truth. You still wanted nothing more than to be with him.

Quinn cut in, “Eddie, you seem familiar. And I don’t mean pictures either.”

“I get that alot.” Eddie put his hands in his pockets, “Last time I heard that, someone thought I took twenty bucks from them. They were wrong.”

You waited for him to finish, because there is now way an Eddie story ends like-

“It was fifty.”

There it is.

Quinn seemed completely unphased by his story, and she snapped her fingers, “I know! You’re the guy from tv!”

“Tv? Me?” Eddie pointed to himself, “Nah, see, I have more- Uh, a face made for radio.”

“But you are on tv! I watch your show all the time. It helped me write a school report once.”

“What was it about? Corruption? Murder?”

“Pollution and recycling.”

“Oh, yeah.” Eddie acted like he had to think about that one, “That one was kind of boring.”

“I don’t think a 12 year old should write about murder anyways.”

“That’s for when I hit my angsty teenage years.” Quinn said proudly.

“Please don’t.” you replied.

“Here!”

The sudden outburst made you jump a little as Quinn pointed to her favorite pizza shop. She wasted no time as she bolted into the place and picked her usual seat. You and Eddie joined her, admittedly, taking your time.

“Haven’t been here in a long time.” Eddie said, letting out a breath as he got comfortable in his seat.

“We come here all the time. If we aren’t shopping, or playing at the park, or whatever, we’re here.”

“Wow, Q,” you mused, cheek resting on your hand, “You make it sound like we live here.”

“Might as well.” she quipped.

You rolled your eyes playfully, looking over at Eddie, “Trust me, we don’t come here alot-”

“Y/N!” a voice called out.

You turned your attention to the source to see your friend, Lorenzo, waved from behind the counter.

“The usual?” he asked.

“Yes, please!” Quinn said, getting on her knees and looking over the wall of the booth, waving to Lorenzo.

He nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Don’t come here often, but enough to warrant ‘the usual.’“ Eddie rubbed his chin, “Got it.”

“Lorenzo just knows what we like.”

“And what would that be?”

You opened your mouth, but Quinn wound up answering instead, “It’s this really good pizza that’s extra cheesy, and has extra pepperoni. It’s my favorite too.”

“That’s funny.” Eddie smiled, “That’s my favorite too.”

You watched as Eddie and your daughter got swept up in a whirlwind conversation about how pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, and if anyone likes that, they’re most definitely an alien- And that’s scientific truth… Because she said it. You lost yourself in a daydream.

“You should really be a little more careful about what you eat, Ed.”

“And you should live a little. C’mon, it’s got extra cheese because I know you have a thing for it.”

Eddie turned the box a little and you looked down at the pizza inside. Somehow, a romantic picnic translated into ‘bring the greasiest, cheesiest, pizza smothered in pepperonis.’ You didn’t mind, but it looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.

You rolled your eyes and blew a piece of hair out of your face, making him chuckle a little. Eddie being Eddie, he finished his piece and then went to wipe his face on his sleeve. Thankfully, you stopped him. You leaned over, and very close to his face, gently wiping it with your napkin, “The grease will leave a nasty stain.”

Eddie was flustered, to say the least. His stomach didn’t feel full of food, rather, butterflies, and his eyes roamed your face, admiring the love that was in your eyes. He knew it was directed towards him. You were never good at keeping secrets.

You realized what you’d done and you froze. Your face was so very close to his, your lips were practically touching, and your cheeks felt warm. You slowly lowered the napkin, feeling yourself shrink away from him.

“Sorry, I didn-”

Eddie gently cupped the hand that had the napkin in it, his eyes still locked on yours, “No, uhm.. Don’t.. Be.”

You felt a flood of emotions race over you. There he was, Eddie Brock, the man you were so helplessly in love with. You felt like you’d known him for centuries. He was so close, yet, it didn’t feel close enough.

“I can’t.” you said, sheepishly.

Eddie placed a hand on your cheek and smiled shyly, “Why?”

“It would be weird.”

“Weird?”

“What if we don’t like it- Or if .. Maybe we shouldn’t. It could ruin everything if we did, and I like you too much- I mean, you know what I mean, Ed-”

Eddie pulled you closer and gave you the softest, sweetest kiss you’d ever had. You’d never kissed anyone, but that wasn’t the point. Everything in that moment felt right, perfect even.

He pulled away and you two looked at each other. You smiled crookedly, love drunk, and you giggled quietly, “That’s the nicest way anyone’s ever told me to shut up.”

“Nerd.”

“So, thing’s aren’t weird now, are they?”

Eddie looked up, “Uh, they don’t feel weird so,” he looked back at you, “Nah.”

You felt very courageous out of nowhere as you grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss. You felt his arms wrap around you and pull you close. You weren’t listening, but you could’ve swore he said he loved you under his breath.

“Y/N?”

You blinked a few times before snapping back to reality and sitting up straight, “Yes?”

“Thought we lost you for a second there. What were you thinking about?” Eddie asked.

“Oh, nothing.”

Something.

“You sure about that?”

“Mhmm.”

Eddie slid a plate over to you, two pieces on it. You looked down at it, feeling a sense of deja vu.

“Figured I’d give you some before we fight over the rest.”

“Oh.” you stared at the food, “Thanks.”

“Sure you’re alright?”

“Dandy.” you smiled at him, “It was just something about a long time ago.”

“Ah.” he replied, “I try not to think about that stuff.. But, can’t help it sometimes.”

“Right.”

The rest of your meal consisted of Q telling a joke or story and Eddie trying to 1-up it, only to get shot down most of the time. You wouldn’t say it aloud, but this was kind of perfect. Almost like a scene in those tv movies you watched way too much of. You didn’t like them, but nothing else was ever on.

Eddie paid, despite you saying it was your treat. You caved when he said he didn’t mind, and if you didn’t let him pay, he would just have to take you guys out again and pay then. You already knew you’d be going out again. It was fate.

“Hey, Eddie,” Q started, sounding shy, “Do you want to watch a movie with us? We always watch movies on the weekends.”

“Again, if your mom don’t mind-”

“I don’t mind.” you sounded like a broken record. You sweetly put a hand on Eddie’s arm, “It’s nice having you around again. Like old times.”

Eddie felt all the emotions he thought he got rid of come surging back. He tried so hard to forget what you guys did, and how things were, because he didn’t feel good enough for you. He stammered trying to find the words.

“Yeah. Like old times.”

You three made your way home, but not before Eddie took the lead, saying rather than waiting, he was going to take you to see the famous Mrs.Chen, that and he wanted some snacks for the whole movie party thing. Q thought it was a great idea.

Eddie opened the doors to the small shop, and Q looked at him for a moment before going in. She was quiet, which was normal when she’s in new places.

“Who is this?” a small woman beamed.

“This is Y/n and Quinn.” Eddie replied.

“Family?”

“Something like that.” Eddie replied, “How are things?”

“Eh, you know.”

Eddie watched you guide Q around, and he smiled to himself as Q seemed to perk up and began searching around. He carried the conversation with Mrs.Chen for awhile, she mentioned how she had some family coming in next week, so the shop would probably be closed.

Q came sauntering over with an armful of various snacks, ranging from popcorn to candy. She lifted her arms and placed the stuff on the counter, “My mom has the rest.”

“You making a snack salad?” Eddie asked, watching you bring the last half of the snacks.

“It’s the best.” Q replied, in her matter-of-fact tone.

Mrs.Chen looked at Eddie quizzically, having memorized all the times he came in here, buying many of the same things for the same reason. She could even hear him saying that it’s a secret recipe for some gourmet meal. Like that made it any better.

You talked to Mrs.Chen as Eddie helped Quinn grab the bags and walk to the door. Liking the same foods? Probably just a coincidence, right? Eddie left with you two with a new nagging feeling. He barely knew this kid, yet he was ready to die for them. Why. This wasn’t like him.

You three made it back to your place and Quinn immediately began making the popcorn. You let her be as you went to get the movies, and Eddie stuck around in the kitchen, watching this 12 year old not destroy everything. She must’ve gotten the tidiness from her mom.. She always cleaned up his messes- Not because he asked, but because she cared.

Quinn opened up some M&Ms and dumped them into the bowl of freshly popped popcorn. She grabbed the licorice and set the bag on top of the popcorn, grabbing the bowl off the counter and carrying it to the living room. Eddie awkwardly shuffled behind.

You were forced to put in Tangled, Q’s favorite movie at the moment. This movie is the reason she talks about being whatever she wants when she gets older. Rapunzel did what she wanted and found out she was a princess, and Q thought that was cool.

“Have you seen this before?” Quinn asked, mouth full of licorice.

“Can’t say I have.” Eddie replied, taking some of the candy.

Not even 20 minutes into the movie and Quinn was out. It was only around 8pm, normally she’s awake until 10. You paid no mind as you covered her up with an extra blanket and carefully placed the snack bowl on the table. you hadn’t noticed Eddie watching you, but he was. You hadn’t changed at all.

You’re still you; the girl he was in love with since middle school. The girl who would always offer him her lunch, knowing he had forgotten his. He hates himself for hardly returning the favor.

“How old is she again?”

“Twelve.” you replied, placing a soft kiss on the girl’s head.

“Ah.”

You looked at Eddie as you sat close to him, “Why?”

“Just, uh, curious.”

“Sure you were.”

“We can put something else on if you want.” you said, grabbing the remote.

“Nah, this is good.” Eddie replied.

“Really? Are you sick?” you put a hand on his forehead, “Where’s the Eddie that always told me princesses were for sissies.”

Eddie giggled as he removed your hand from his face, “Oh, c’mon now, maybe I’ve changed.”

“I’ll say.”

“Hey, Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Uhm.” Eddie hesitated. It probably wasn’t best to bring up certain events on such short notice, seeing as he doesn’t even know what you do for a living. You tilted your head as he looked out the window, “Do you mind if I stay? It’s pretty late.”

You became a broken record again, “I don’t mind, Eddie.”

Eddie felt embarrassed, which was kind of a new feeling for him. What was he supposed to do? Bring up something that happened ages ago? How long ago even was it, he thought, because it felt like yesterday it happened.

You and Eddie finished the movie in peace, and you showed him to the guest room, which was down the hall from your room. You bid him a good night and left him alone to get ready.

He didn’t sleep much that night.

A day turned into a week, and a week turned into a month, and it seemed like Eddie was here to stay. Like a parasite who needed a host. You didn’t mind, actually, you liked having him around. Quinn seemed to get along with him greatly, which put you at ease. You had to tell Eddie to truth. And if he left, well, at least you got it off your chest.

“Eddie?” you asked sheepishly, wrapping your arms around yourself.

The house fell quiet, as Quinn was in her room, probably doing gymnastics off her bed. You told her to be careful, as to not break an arm or a leg.

“Yeah?” he asked, looking at you.

“Can I talk to you about something? It’s kinda important.”

He set his cup down and walked over to you, “Are you okay? You look sick.”

“I feel sick.” you tried to chuckle, but quickly composed yourself, “Look, I need to say this- And if you hate me afterwards, then…That’s fine.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, he just watched your eyes flicker from him to the floor, back to him, to the side. You were trying to get your thoughts to stop racing.

“You remember that, uh, one night in college where we-”

“Yeah?”

“And things got weird after that…”

“Yes?”

“I wanted to tell you then, but you were dating someone else, I thought- I figured, maybe I should just leave it be. You looked happy. I..”

“You’re worrying me.”

“Q is yours.” you blurted out.

“What?”

“Sorry I didn’t say anything, but I-”

“Y/n, how could you?” Eddie asked, more hurt than upset.

“I really was going to tell you, but then the girl I saw.. I mean, I got over it, and I honest to God was going to tell you, but then you told me about this job you got offered, and I didn’t want to mess it all up.”

“Mess it up?”

“You had everything you asked for. I knew if I told you what had happened you’d throw it all away, and you’d be miserable.”

“Miser- Y/n, you make it seem like I was some kind of douchebag.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

You hadn’t even noticed the tears flowing down your cheeks until you physically saw Eddie’s heart sink.

“I was alone when I had her, and I’ve been alone since.. And I was doing okay. But then she started asking, and I wanted to call you.. But I figured you were married and had other kids and what not..” You wiped your eyes on your sleeve, “I convinced myself I didn’t need you.”

“Well,” Eddie said, pausing again, “does it make you feel better knowing that I want to be here?”

“Do you?”

“Y/N I haven’t gone back to my apartment in two weeks.”

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I just wanted you to be happy.”

“I would’ve been happier with you.”

Eddie pulled you into a warm hug and held you close. Everything felt right again. “I’m not leaving you two.”

You wrapped your arms around Eddie, “I know..”

“So that loser is my dad?”

You both whipped around and saw Quinn, who had waterfalls coming out of her eyes. The child quickly tried to wipe her face as she shrunk away. Eddie moved around you and walked over to Quinn, kneeling down, “I’m afraid so.”

Quinn looked at him, with the same colored eyes as he had, she sniffed. Eddie smiled softly, “Don’t hate me now, do you?”

Quinn jumped into his arms, wrapping her small ones around his neck, “No.”

Eddie hugged Q tightly, “Ah, was kinda afraid you’d want someone else to be your dad.”

Q sniffed, chuckling, “David Hasselhoff would’ve been cool.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“You’re pretty okay, though.”

“I like to think that too, kiddo.”

Quinn moved back and looked at Eddie, smiling at him. Eddie felt his heart swell up, and it felt like he was brought back to life. This was his daughter. He had what he always wanted; A family. He knew that no matter what, he wasn’t leaving. You were stuck with him.

He started playing his life in his head, except it wasn’t past memories, it was the future. He had already planned out what he was going to do next. Marry you. Go out for ice cream, go to the fair, win all the big prizes just for his girls. Maybe get something cool, like a dog.

Sure, he would have to take his time, but that’s alright. He wanted this all to last forever. He looked up at you big a big goofy grin, “Hey, want to go out an celebrate?”

You smiled, “What did you have in mind?”

“Oh!” Quinn shouted, “Ice cream! No, a movie! Dad, please!”

Eddie looked at Quinn. That’s what he was now. Dad.

“Of course.” Eddie said, still in a bit of a daze.

Before he could get up, the little girl hugged him tightly, feeling like all her wishes had come true. She got what she wanted and she didn’t want to let go. The coolest guy in the whole world was her dad, and she wanted to be just like him.

“I love you, dad.”

Eddie smiled and gave her another hug, “I love you too.”

As you three got ready to leave, Eddie realized something. He didn’t have to wonder anymore if there was anything left for him. He didn’t need to wonder if anyone out there even loved him. He had the two most wonderful people in his life, and that’s all he could’ve ever asked for.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Eddie.”

“I’m tellin’ the truth, Y/n/n. Look,” He pointed up into the night sky, “That’s totally the big dipper.”

“That’s the little dipper, look at my book. The big dipper is over there.” You pointed to his left.

“Nah, nah, you got it backwards.”

“You have it backwards, as usual.”

“Either way, I’m still half right.”

“How does that even work if you’re wrong?”

“If my brain is in the right place, I technically don’t think I’m all wrong.”

You looked him over, “Was unaware you had a brain, Edward.”

“Ouch.” Eddie snorted, “That hurts. How do you think I got into this college anyways?”

You looked at the sky again, sighing, “I think you wished on stars one too many times. Or you bribed someone.”

“I didn’t bribe anyone. For your information, I’m always broke.”

You chuckled as you set your gaze on the moon. Eddie watched you for a moment, admiring how the nightly colors seem to wash over you like a painting. He followed your gaze and reclined back on his elbows. He saw you close your eyes from the corner of his gaze, “What are you doing?”

“Making a wish.”

“Loser.”

It was quiet for a moment before you laid back on the blanket on the grass.

“What did you wish for?”

“Can’t tell you or it won’t come true.”

“Laaaaaaaame.”

“Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think wishes really come true?”

Eddie shrugged, laying back, just like you, “Maybe.”

You rolled onto your side, resting your head on your arm, looking at Eddie, “Don’t laugh at me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I wished that we would be together forever.”

“Are you twelve?”

You giggled as you reached out and grabbed his hand, “It wouldn’t be that bad, would it?”

Eddie looked at your hands and then at you. You looked at him like he was the only thing you had ever adored in your whole life. He looked at you the same way, “No, it wouldn’t be bad at all. I wouldn’t mind.”

“Thought you’d say that.”

#eddie brock imagine #eddie brock x reader #this might be garbage but i dont care im doing a part 2

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cmarionthewilkid-blog · 5 years ago

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C.O.N.S.U.M.E.D

What happens when we consume more than we need? What happens when our choices are influenced by societal pressures of how things should be? Part 1 of my reflective journal will aim to provide a glimpse at two weeks of a working mom, head of a house of five, who also coincidentally adds event planner often to her job tasks.

Day 1: I specifically started my consumption journal on Friday, October 25. The day before a large case competition I was hosting on campus. Day 1 starts like most every other day of my life. The 20 minute drive to daycare, followed by the usual ice cap pit stop at Tim Horton’s. This day is special though, with the pressures of ensuring everything was just right for our judges and sponsors. I stroll off to Ferme Beaulieu to spend $328 on gifts. I am thinking that at least I am buying local products (honey, herbs, ketchup aux fruits) and feel pretty great about that. But why do I feel obliged to buy gifts at all? Wouldn’t a sincere thank you be enough? I guess according to Jonathan Porritt (2011), I have fallen victim to consumerism at its best. Somehow, I feel OK about it though.

A quick stop at Dollarama for gift bags, disposable coffee cups (cringe!), and plastic plastic trays. Finally, a $148 trip to Provigo for snacks for the case competitors and coaches. Oops, did I mention the trip to the t-shirt printer to pick up the 60 red printed competition momentos. Let’s add the 250+ pages I printed that day! As I sit here and reflect on the necessities (needs) of running a case competition versus expectations (and wants), I come to the realization that most of what I have purchased is simply there to enhance image.

Day 2 (October 26): Tim’s ice cap (check!). 60 Donuts, 60 pre-packed lunches, 24 cans of Perrier, 60 cans of soft drinks, 40 coffees in disposable cups, 100 plastic glasses of wine. Today, I am completely influenced by materialism and keeping the “image”. Let’s keep in mind that I work for a business school and that comes with some rather large assumptions around how things are supposed to look and be. Not to mention, I am hosting five people from the company who is sponsoring the event, so I need to keep them happy and ensure the event lives up to their expectations. I am reminded of Amitai Etzioni, (2012) and his sentiments about “keeping up with the Jones’”. It is true, when one party sets a certain expectation, we all rise to meet, or better, exceed them.

Today; however, my biggest disappointment was food waste. The boxed lunches were good, but about 25% of people didn’t eat all their meal. Almost 100% of the people didn’t eat the dessert included. We don’t have access to compost, so it went to the trash. Above the clear environmental impact of my event, I am reminded of the fact that one fifth of the world’s richest people consume 45% of all the meat and fish (Shah, 2014). Despite the company providing compostable cutlery and cups, I feel guilty that I sent so many things to the landfill today. To top it all off, Sodexo served a less than stellar menu at the Gala dinner (veal sous-vide). I swear I wanted to eat it, but alas, two bites in and I am done. More to the trash. Exhausted and mentally drained, I wonder to myself where the balance between convenience and waste needs to come into play. Why can’t we have compost stations on campus?

Day 3 (October 27): But first, my ice cap! A friend’s child’s birthday party today so I scramble to get things together. I run to Provigo to grab stuff for mini pizzas to share (forgot my grocery bags, so plastic it is). My friend insisted on no gifts at the party, which I wanted to accept, but quite frankly couldn’t. I’m glad I didn’t because apparently no one else respected it either. I think about this social obligation more deeply (Goodwin, Smith, & Spiggle, 1990). I try my best to make a compromise, we opt for a movie day among friends instead of a traditional gift. I am hoping this small intrinsically motivated action may decrease future landfill waste in the future. Nonetheless, we are filled with waxed juice cups and plates. Back to the Provigo to grab something for the family for supper. I grab peppers in a plastic bag, sausages in a styrofoam package, pasta sauce in a glass bottle, cheese in plastic packaging and pasta in a cardboard box. Nothing much to compost or recycle unfortunately.

Day 4 (October 28): Monday and back to work. Ice cap, yup! I am starting to get quite the collection in my office recycling bin. My boss just commented on it. I guess it is a bit of an eye sore..haha!

Two trips to Provigo today. One at lunch to grab George’s bread, deli ham, Coaticook cheese, carrots and dip. Next stop on the way home from work for supper, chicken, baby potatoes and stuffing.

Day 5 (October 29): If you haven’t guessed by now, ice cap time! Today, my brother (who lives with us) did a fridge clean up. Sigh! I can’t believe how much stuff we threw away. Past date, wilted vegetables, moldy fruits. Why don’t I just throw money directly into the garbage can? Is it normal that the first thing I think about is wasted money? According to a study by Graham-Rowe, Jessop, and Sparks (2014), wasting money is indeed a major motivator to minimize food waste. Inspired by this revelation, I am determined to have leftovers for lunch and transform the chicken salad sandwiches tonight for supper. I don’t even have to stop at Provigo today! WOW!

Day 6 (October 30): IC (that’s all I will say). Wednesdays are always tricky because I am running around and teach a class at night. It is one of those days. I grab lunch at Subway (steak sub, chips and a drink) -> garbage.

Run to Provigo after work and grab steak, carrots, potatoes and gravy from Provigo and throw it in pot to cook. I also realize that I haven’t really bought any candy for Halloween for my students in case class. $65.30 later and we have meat and candies! I’ve also been putting out chocolates outside my office door for students.

Day 7 (October 31): Another ice cap to go please. I don’t even eat lunch today. Now I realize we have no candy for the kids. Drive to Walmart and $68.03, we’ve got goodies. No lunch again, and we go to a friend’s for supper. Off with the 4 year old trick or treating in the rain. She gets a pail of treats, we have 2 boxes of stuff leftover.

Day 8 (November 1): Day of the dead? I think so! Actually order breakfast with my ice cap at Timmy’s this morning. No lunch today. We decide to go shopping after work today as my brother has a 40% discount at L’Equipeur. $218.58 later, my husband enjoys new shoes, jeans, sport jacket, t-shirts, and a pair of sneakers for my mom for Christmas. Oh wait! Marlee needs new winter boots, so $86.22 later, we have new winter boots for her. I also see the cutest dress boots at Marshall’s (fake baby Uggs). I suppose these is what the marketers are hoping for. Top it all off with super for the family at Guido’s. (Wow! I have really been eating like crap!) Day 8 hurt the bank account! Day 9 (November 2): Maybe I should actually buy some groceries for my empty fridge. I sludge off to Provigo early Saturday morning to spent near $200. At least I have meat, veggies, fruits, and some of the other basics for my family to actually live on. Stop at Tim’s on the way home for the usual.

Day 10 (November 3): Beautiful breakfast with family (and an ice cap). Spent the day making food (soup, roasted chicken, pasta sauce, etc....). Trying to cut down on the restaurant stops this week. End up at the library with some dear colleagues from GSE503, so I think another ice cap is in order to stay awake (and leftover Halloween Candy).

Day 11 (November 4): Check that thought. Day went to hell, running late, dead tired, no breakfast, grabbed Rima for supper. Fridge full, but I don’t even care at this point.

Day 12 (November 5): Today is a new day! I started making iced coffee at home! No Tim’s! I actually did not spend $1 today! Why do I feel so great? Apparently it is something referred to as perceived consumer effectiveness (PCE). When is comes to sustainable buying practices, this PCE is influenced directly by guilt and pride. This becomes important because it means that as a consumer, my behaviours could be modified by using emotions (Antonetti, & Maklan, 2014).

Day 13 (November 6): Another no spending kind of day! Feeling all pride and no guilt! Maybe Atonetti and Maklan are on to something!

Day 14 (November 7): Last day of recording! No ice caps and going strong. My husband and I are feeling like we need a little extra family time, so we go out for supper at Mike’s with Marlee. We follow it up by a little Chocolat Favoris. I asked myself why we went to Mike’s again? What a waste! A quick stop by Provigo to grab snacks for my basketball girls. I make an orzo salad plus pull together fruits, yogurt, cheese and granola bars.

Stay tuned for Part 2 to see if I actually made some changes and what this whole process has meant for me. Until then, I leave you on this note: Waiting on the World to Change

REFERENCES

Antonetti, P., & Maklan, S. (2014). Feelings that make a difference: How guilt and pride convince consumers of the effectiveness of sustainable consumption choices. Journal of Business Ethics, 124(1), 117-134. Retrieved from www.jstor.org/stable/24033218

Etzioni, A. (2012). You Don’t need to Buy This. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/FN3z8gtDUFE

Goodwin, C., Smith, K.L., & Spiggle, S. (1990). Gift giving: Consumer motivation and the gift purchase process. In NA - Advances in Consumer Research. 17, eds. Marvin E. Goldberg, Gerald Gorn, and Richard W. Pollay, Provo, UT : Association for Consumer Research, 690-698. Retrieved from http://acrwebsite.org/volumes/7086/volumes/v17/NA-17

Graham-Rowe, E., Jessop, D.C., & Sparks, P. (2014). Identifying motivations and barriers to minimising household food wasteby. Resources, Conservation & Recycling, 84, 15-23. doi: 10.1016/j.resconrec.2013.12.005

Porritt, J. (2011). The trap of materialism. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/DtwXryPNciM

Shah, A. (2014). Consumption and Consumerism: Global Issues. Retrieved from http://www.globalissues.org/issue/235/consumption-and-consumerism

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stereksecretsanta · 6 years ago

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Merry Christmas, @tabbytabbytabby!

You asked for "fluff, pining, human au, alive Laura, best friends to lovers" and I think I've managed to get that all in for you. I loved this little 'verse it made me feel so warm writing it so I hope you like it too :)

Read on AO3

*****

Autumn Colours

This autumn had been warmer than usual so far, filled with a lazy kind of comfort that Derek hadn’t thought he would ever feel again. It hadn’t been easy, being raised by your big sister, a mere seven years older than you, living off money you only had because you had lost your family and home in a freak electrical fire. But sitting there, his legs hanging limply over the arm of the overstuffed armchair in the warm living room of the apartment that had been his home for a few years now, he was struck by the fact that he was doing okay.

The whole apartment was dressed with homely colours and soft furniture rather than sharp modern lines and cold appliances. Laura had made it a home for them, not just a place to try and get by. She’d somehow managed to get herself through college and in just a year’s time, she’d be able to say she’d put her taciturn baby brother through high school too.

Derek could just about hear the hairdryer from the bathroom down the hall, signalling Laura was getting ready for work. That and the soft hum of the TV, the smell of the fresh muffins Stiles had picked up from the bakery on his way round just gave everything that comforting, cosy aura. He smiled absently before looking back to his notes propped up on his bent knees.

Stiles was sprawled out on his belly on the soft rug below, the warm sun beaming down on his back through the closed balcony doors. Stiles glanced up every now and again at the TV, before returning to the heavy textbook open in front of him, a highlighter in each hand and one in his mouth. He mumbled around it in greeting as Laura walked in, shrugging on a blazer and making a beeline for the kitchen island where the muffins sat temptingly.

It was their routine. They were over at each other’s houses more often than not, but Laura had a late shift at the crisis centre she managed on Fridays so Stiles always stayed over. His socked feet swayed in the air, unwittingly, unconsciously bumping one of Derek’s legs.

It hadn’t been easy, letting someone stay so close, but when his world had fallen apart, Laura and Stiles had been the only constant things in his life and for all his flaws, Stiles hadn’t let him down. They’d known each other for as long as Derek could remember, they’d faced Stiles losing his mom, Derek losing his family and here they were, high school seniors and still driving each other crazy.

They’d grown up together and that gave Derek a security with Stiles that he didn’t feel with anyone else. Stiles knew the worst things about him, every one of his flaws and he still smiled at Derek like he hung the moon. It was so different to the trust, the connection Derek had with Laura. It gave him little pulses in his belly sometimes, made his mouth go a little dry, even as he thumped Stiles on the arm for saying something stupid or as they ate lunch together at school. They were perfectly domestic, inconsequential little moments that Derek treasured more than any others, because they all added up to the realisation of how slowly but surely, life was getting better. He was okay.

“…back quite late, the centre has been busy lately and I’ve got a new social worker coming in that specialises in older kids, so don’t wait up for me, okay?”

Derek nodded at his sister, only just catching the end of what she said.

“There’s money for pizza on the counter,” she added as she swept her long dark hair back and twisted it into a casual but neat bun. For all her youth, she had managed to raise a teenage boy with a firm hand and her work at the crisis centre she’d helped raise from the ground had been praised by everyone that mattered. They were both doing good, he supposed, although he had undoubtedly become quieter after the fire, whereas she was as vivacious as ever, almost to spite it. She was a lot like Stiles, pushing through things by talking constantly, whereas Derek tended to bottle it up and hold it in until one of them nagged it out of him. He was lucky to have such bubbly loudmouths in his life.

“See you later,” she chimed brightly, if a little rushed as she leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thanks for the muffins Stiles!”

“Hmphrghh,” Stiles returned graciously, lips still wrapped around a highlighter pen as she whisked out the door in a whirlwind. They studied for a while after that, knowing from habit that once they stopped they (or Stiles) would be easily distracted. When the pizza arrived, that seemed like a good stopping point as any though.

“Have you sent in any applications yet?” Stiles asked, plucking up his fourth slice of pizza. “UC Beacon County want their deadlines by the start of December, it’s pretty competitive up there since they got all those awards for their new science and technology programmes.”

Derek watched as he lifted the slice of pizza slightly higher to catch the stringy trail of cheese trying to escape on his wayward tongue. He didn’t realise he was staring until Stiles looked at him enquiringly for an answer, mouth full of pizza.

“Yeah, all sent. It’s only an hour away. The history degree was what cinched it for me though, I guess.”

They both understood the other, unspoken appeal of University of California Beacon County though, neither of them wanted to be far from home. It was a desire, an insecurity, a need, whatever you wanted to label it, that both of them harboured and recognised in the other without the need to articulate it. It was the perfect example of their friendship, Derek thought, they talked, they joked, they spent time together and the things that really mattered they saw in each other without the other having to say a word.

Stiles snorted, an inelegant enough sound even without pizza added into the mix. “My shy history nerd, I’m gonna be the cool kid on campus compared to you,” Stiles laughed, “All those wasted muscles.” They had been sitting on the rug with their backs against the sofa and the food spread out on the coffee table in front of them and Stiles leaned in to pinch at Derek’s toned bicep teasingly through his long-sleeved sweater. As he did so, Derek snatched the last slice of pizza off his knee.

“Hey!” Stiles cried as Derek lifted the last slice to his lips. He lunged forward and snatched a bite out of the end just as Derek had been about to, looking victorious.

Derek just raised a brow at him and shoved the entire remainder of the pizza into his mouth, accepting the challenge.

“Indirect kiss!” Stiles crowed, both outraged and amused, laughing as Derek struggled to chew his huge mouthful. “Oh my God, we’ve known each other too long,” he mused happily, nudging the textbooks completely out of the way with his socked toes so he could sprawl more comfortably beside Derek on the rug. “That documentary you wanted to see on Ancient Rome is on in a sec.”

It was nice, someone knowing your little quirks and indulging them. Stiles had his own entertainment preferences of course, he was smart but history wasn’t really his thing. He seemed to just like seeing Derek happy though, that Derek still had passions, interests and was more often than not just content to sit beside him watching crappy documentaries or watching NCIS or The Sentinel re-runs. It was their guilty pleasure.

He’s my guilty pleasure, Derek thought, unbidden. The thought struck him silently and suddenly and he jerked a little, glancing sideways to see Stiles’s gaze fixed on the TV as he sipped at his can of Pepsi. These quiet moments, they were what he lived for, what he loved and Stiles was such a big part of that, but it was more than that. He only wanted them with Stiles. He was his best friend but…more, too.

Moistening his lips, Derek sipped at his own drink, if only for something to do, to keep his mouth busy, because he didn’t want to say something stupid and yet the urge had swelled in him as the night wore on, fuelled by the casual closeness and the warm afternoon as it waned.

Stiles chattered intermittently as they watched the TV, stretching his long legs out in front of him down the side of the coffee table, leaving Derek to cross his, as the table was mostly in front of him, but he didn’t mind. It felt nice. It was all nice, it was just that he had felt this shift in his feelings lately and he didn’t know how to explain them to himself, much less articulate them to Stiles.

In the ad-break, he got up to put the pizza boxes in the recycling bin and wash his hands and Stiles went to the bathroom. Derek took a seat on the sofa this time but when Stiles returned, instead of sitting beside him as the documentary came back on, he sat on the rug by Derek’s feet. Then it happened, Stiles tilted, just slightly, resting his head against Derek’s thigh, fingers coming up to rest there too, just under his chin.

Derek’s pulse quickened and he shifted, almost imperceptibly to give Stiles a little more room to rest there more comfortably. He stretched his fingers out, hesitating for a brief moment, before threading his shaking fingers through Stiles’s hair. He swallowed when Stiles twitched, then relaxed again, resting his hand there in subtle but perfect intimacy.

Something in his chest tightened to the point of suffocation. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice low, almost smoky. Stiles nodded against his leg. “You’re quiet, that’s…not like you.”

Slowly, so slowly, Stiles lifted his head and turned to face Derek, his long fingers still splayed across the denim of Derek’s thigh like a brand, gripping a little as if he were afraid if he let go, his anchor would come loose and they would both be lost on the swelling tide of heat between them. It had been building in Stiles too, Derek realised, as those warm, honey-hued eyes lifted almost shyly to look at him. That unexplainable feeling of being close to someone in more ways than even the strongest of friendships could quantify.

Stiles was more, so much more.

Bathed in the golden afternoon light streaming in through the windows and balcony doors, Stiles shifted to kneel between Derek’s knees, studying his face, staring up at him enquiringly, as if reading Derek’s thoughts as easily as he’d always done. When Stiles leant in a little, he raised his fingers to Derek’s chest, where they rested in an almost question. A little smile flickered across the bow of Stiles’s lips.

“Your heart is pounding,” he whispered.

Derek let his own gaze drift to Stiles’s mouth, then back to his eyes. He said nothing.

“Because you like me.” Stiles said it so quietly, in awe but with such self-assurance. It hadn’t been a question .

“You scare the shit out of me,” Derek breathed out all in a rush.

Stiles’s lips twitched. “Liar.” He moved as if to lean in but then stopped. He licked his lips. “Umm, can I…? I want to try something, if you want, that is.”

Derek gave a soft little laugh, “you’re such a dork,” he said, but it was all affection. He looked down then and Stiles instinctively followed his gaze, watching as, perilously slowly, Derek lifted his forefinger and traced it feather-light across Stiles’ knuckles where they rested on his chest. Then his hand flattened to cover Stiles’s and Stiles pushed up and in to bring their lips together, rushing in with what felt like his last vestiges of courage.

It was a little wet press of lips that deepened into a clumsy slide of lips. It was messy and terrifying and perfect because he was kissing his best friend, he was simultaneously outing himself to his best friend and helplessly falling for him all in one electrifying moment.

He’d had urges for boys and girls and he’d always thought Stiles knew, based on what he’d glimpsed from Derek’s search history on his laptop that one time, but he’d never spoken about it, he’d never said and now…

Oh God, it’s Stiles, he couldn’t help but think, over and over again as Stiles shifted closer between his legs, making him feel giddy and years younger than his seventeen, nearly eighteen years. It’s Stiles and it’s me.

“Hey,” Stiles breathed against his lips, even though his voice was shaky and his breathing rough, the fingers Derek wasn’t holding to his chest reaching up. They hesitated again, so much hesitation between them that afternoon, their casual tactile friendship shifting into the place they apparently had both been yearning for.

When Stiles’s fingers touched his cheek, Derek tilted his chin forward to kiss him again. It was deeper this time, searching and as they kissed, as they slowly learned the other’s rhythm to not bump noses or teeth, all the little insecurities and tendrils of fear burned out like splinters of wood on a simmering coal-bed. Not fiery and all consuming, but warm and comforting.

Stiles was his best friend and so much more and it was all okay.

Derek’s free hand slid round to Stiles’s nape, gripping gently and urging him up onto the sofa with him. It was a squeeze with long limbs and shifting but it was all the sweeter for the inexpert closeness, the shiny newness and comfort of it.

In between kisses and slow caresses, he exhaled shakily against Stiles’s cheeks, kissed tentatively at Stiles’s ear, his jaw. Stiles made soft sounds in answer, holding him close. In autumn colours they saw in the evening with exploring, languid kisses, until kiss-bruised and lazy with intimacy, they just lay curled up together, watching the Ancient Egypt documentary that had come on after the one on Rome.

“Want. Change. Channel,” Stiles groaned softly, stretching out a foot, “but. Too. Comfy.”

Derek snorted into the back of his neck, the arm he had wrapped around Stiles’s chest shifting to trap his arm there too and his leg hooking over to keep the wayward foot from snagging the controller off the coffee table. “No. Watch it, you might learn something.” He felt a so warm there, wrapped up with Stiles and judging by the limp body in his arms Stiles felt the same.

“Hey, Derek?” Stiles asked after a beat. “This isn’t going to be weird, right? You and me? We’re okay, right?”

Derek thought about that evening, when Stiles would curl up on the pull-out bed in his room like he usually did on Fridays, or the following morning when his perceptive sister would guess something was up and he’d have to tell her. He thought of Monday morning at school and yeah, perhaps it wouldn’t all be as easy as it felt right then but that didn’t put him off. It didn’t scare him away. He pressed subtly into Stiles’s neck and just breathed.

“We’re more than okay,” he said softly.

THE END

#tabbytabbytabby #stereksanta18 #*fic18 #*gifts18

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the-jungle-podcast-blog · 6 years ago

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Transcription

[0:00:03-0:00:16]

Welcome to the Jungle podcast. I'm Sophie Renker, Environmental Science undergrad and I am Erin Beiter, Wildlife Science... Bachelorette... holder.

[0:00:18-0:00:19]

I graduated.

[0:00:21-0:00:39]

On our podcast today we decided to discuss the differences between sustainable lifestyle in an urban setting versus a rural setting and the different challenges and solutions that you can use and take.

[0:00:41-0:01:08]

So on the first segment of our podcast today we decide to discuss space. Obviously in the suburbs you have a yard, you have a big home. I'm sure [when] you were growing up in the suburbs of Buffalo can attest to that. Yeah, we had a pretty big yard and a little wooded patch where you could stash things like my neighbors did have a compost pile in there. Three of them in fact

[0:01:09-0:01:15]

And you just really can't do that in a city.

[0:01:16-0:01:32]

I've tried, it really doesn't work out that well. Yeah, a lot of college students and Millennials are living in apartment complexes or live in the city and they have, what? Like four rooms and a pet?

[0:01:36-0:02:01]

And yeah, if you do have some sort of semblance of a yard, it's not always up to you what you can do with that yard. Your landlord might have restrictions. So when it comes to discussion of things like compost or homesteading for people who live in urban areas, that's not an option. No, and it's a whole lot of work to

[0:02:02-0:02:11]

put together like a community garden if you don't already have one. If you do want to, like, reap the benefits of something like that.

[0:02:13-0:02:13]

or like, you know,

[0:02:15-0:02:16]

anything like that.

[0:02:18-0:03:00]

But there are different ways that you can do things inside. You can have like a lil herb nook on your counter. Yeah, or you could try doing some light composting maybe some aerobic composting or even in Manhattan they have places where you can drop off compost. But yeah, the city of Syracuse has one but I think you need to like pay people to take it. I know at least restaurants in the area need to pay to have somebody take it away or I don't know if you need to pay for it at the site but it is an option for people who can't afford it who want to take it to a facility.

[0:03:03-0:03:47]

If you're like me (who is insane), you can throw your vegetable scraps off the side of your porch and hope that the squirrels eat it. Yeah the squirrels do love of spare pizza. Yeah, they actually do. But not everyone can get away with that. And if your neighbors happened complain well you're out of luck. Mine haven't yet, so I will continue to do so. I think we have a couple of rotting pumpkins outside as we speak. They have holes bored into them so the squirrels can get into the inside. But I guess that's another thing is not everyone has the capital

[0:03:48-0:04:09]

to embark on different projects to be sustainable. Even those little composting boxes. Those can cost money. I don't know how much but I think when the latest like both like a good stainless steel one that you put on your counter that has a filter was closer to $30.

[0:04:10-0:04:26]

That's not too bad. But that's just the kitchen one, not including the huge ones that just look like an upside down trash can, those are like $100. Yeah, and they can get even more expensive from there. Especially if it's a tumbler [type of composter].

[0:04:30-0:04:31]

Yeah.

[0:04:32-0:04:41]

So if you don't have permission from your landlord to dig up your lawn, or you don't have a lawn at all, it can be very challenging to compost. Yeah.

[0:04:42-0:05:17]

One solution if you want to take this route (again, it's a little nuts) you could-- if you eat a lot of vegetables, you could feed them into some sort of animal that you keep with you in your house. Like a caged one. Such as a guinea pig or an herbivorous reptile. Rabbits? Rabbits. Rabbits are really great. You can toilet train them. You could change your diet, be on the same diet as a rabbit. How cute is that? Have you heard of red worm composting?

[0:05:20-0:06:05]

I have. I have. I feel like that would do well in a small area too. It still-- it takes up like one of those big plastic Tupperware containers, but you can kind of like tuck that away in a closet for dedicated enough. Yeah, that's true. And you don't have to put it like outside to get that good decomposition. You got little buddies to do it for you. You just have to be dedicated enough to pick out all the worms at the end of each cycle. Gosh, that's true. If you have kids maybe they would enjoy that. I’m sure that they would. At least I would have when I was a kid. I can see my parents roping me into something like that. Chores: sweep the kitchen; vacuum the rug; dig out the worms.

[0:06:11-0:06:45]

Oh, I like that a lot. I’m going to make my kids do that. And then use the composted it's to put more dirt in your herb garden. Your tiny miniature herb garden on your counter next door window. That’s another thing: grow lights are a rip-off. Grow lights CAN be a rip off. I, you got to just know the right websites. If you're looking to grow plants indoors.

[0:06:47-0:07:04]

You can find them. They're good. They're out there. We recommend LED lights from experience, the plants really like them. The plants really like them. Don't bother with the pink, blue, purple, red lights. They hurt your eyes and the plants don't even like him that much.

[0:07:06-0:07:26]

Yeah, just got like a gentle LED light and they'll be fine. Yeah, probably like 20 bucks for a panel. Yeah one foot by one foot. You could probably even like paste it under some cabinets. Oh yeah that’s a good idea. Definitely.

[0:07:28-0:07:40]

And you know, in these Syracuse winters like there's no way you're going to be able to grow any type of plants in the winter without one. Yeah. Yeah for sure. Extend that growing season.

[0:07:43-0:07:43]

That way

[0:07:46-0:08:28]

I don't know. I feel like I'm always buying herbs and throwing them away. Like you think that you're going to need to make something with them and they just rot in the fridge. Wouldn’t it be great if you just had them on your counter and they never went bad? That’s what saved me. I grew lettuce from a little Hydroponics kit that my mom got me for Christmas. It's fabulous. It comes with its own light, it like cycles the water through, all you need to do is like dump some nutrients in the water every so often. But it grew so much lettuce. And when I would always buy lettuce from the supermarket, and I would bring it home and I'd be like ‘Hmm

[0:08:30-0:08:52]

that lettuce has been in there for some time’ cuz I just haven't been feeling like salad! But you know, when it’s your own lettuce you’re just like ‘Wow. Look at that lettuce. Look at you go. I'm going to eat that. I'm going to eat that right now.’ And if I don't feel like it, it's just going to make more lettuce for when I'm ready for lettuce, man! I really like it. It was a good time.

[0:08:53-0:09:02]

And I think the hydroponic system was a pretty penny, it was like a hundred bucks, which is a little more than

[0:09:03-0:09:06]

I could personally afford but

[0:09:09-0:09:18]

If you really if you want to take on a project you could make your own pretty easily, and there's a lot of people out there who,

[0:09:19-0:09:59]

On the internet, could probably show you how. You know what’s another thing is time. Another thing that's kind of intimidating for people is not only space and money, but the time it takes to learn the lingo and watch all these YouTube videos and then browse online for what equipment you need, and what if you don't have any tools? Yeah it’s just so many trips to the store. Like honestly time is-- it's a real project like getting into more sustainable life cuz you do need to do a lot of research

[0:10:01-0:11:00]

about a lot of these things. Just like buying new like those sponge tampons. I went to a sustainable menstruation product table today at [SUNY] ESF and they had sea sponge tampons, and reusable pads, and menstrual cups. And you just kind of look at it and you go: ‘What the hell is this stuff?’ Yeah, and you're like, ‘I got to learn more!’ and then you're like ‘Shit. I don't have time to do more’. Yeah it’s like ‘I got a meeting in five minutes. Please explain to me what this sponge is and why I should put it up my vagina.’ Yeah. And like ‘I had a bad experience with the Diva cup, please tell me in-depth on how the Luna cup is better and won't hurt me.’ Oh no.

[0:11:00-0:11:29]

Like, I don't have time to dig deep and I know your customer reviews and, you know, snatch these little tidbits and, you know, actually work up the courage to spend the money on the thing and like ‘Ahh!’. It’s just a whole process. Gosh, the amount of time. The amount of time that I've spent in the Amazon customer review section must have been years off my life. Honestly. Honestly, yes.

[0:11:30-0:11:41]

I want to know what I'm buying is legit, like honestly. But I mean, unless you're just crazy, you don't want to spend that much time in there. Yeah.

[0:11:46-0:12:38]

The important thing is is that sustainability doesn't have to be perfect. Right? We're saying all these things, but we don't even do all of them. Not at all. We recycle. We've grown a couple things. We tried composting. It’s still kind of sittin and I don't know if it's actually composting, but you know we’re trying. It’s out there. We make efforts. Yeah, and that's the point is that you're not just kind of sitting around doing nothing consuming and hoping that everything will be okay. And at least feeling like you have some semblance of control over what happens to our planet. Like plastic waste reduced, just waste in general. I even like to think about single-use paper products sometimes.

[0:12:38-0:13:16]

I think about single-use plastics ALL the time. And I’m saying single-use paper like toilet paper and paper towels. How many years did it take for this tree to grow and then for us to cut it down and just use it in a second? How far has it traveled? Like, is it going to break down properly? How long is it going to take to break down? It's like a natural material but it’s going to a landfill. I don’t know. It’s just a rabbit hole. It’s a bit of an existential crisis sometimes.

[0:13:21-0:13:40]

So I guess the point of this podcast is to just kind of introduce normal folk --who don't have a lot of time, space, or money--to just kind of the concept of sustainability and how we can all have an imperfect version of sustainability... but in numbers we have strength. Yes indeed.

[0:13:41-0:14:41]

In numbers, we can influence the larger system I think. If 8 billion people try just a little bit in some ways, they have a huge impact. It’ll have a huge impact like--like if you really just gotta have take-out every week, that's a lot of plastic waste, but you know, like you can make up for it in other areas. Like you can do what fits your lifestyle best and it doesn't have to be everything. It really just doesn't have to. Even just carpooling is great. Even like carpooling, riding your bike if you are able and willing like it really does make a difference. What is it, 30% of Transportation carbon dioxide pollution in the United States is just single family

[0:14:41-0:15:11]

cars. It’s just people driving to the grocery store. It's just people doing normal everyday things. Driving to work every day. That is one third of all of transportation costs when it comes to greenhouse gas emissions. If all of us took a little bit of responsibility, then something amazing could happen. For real. And it is happening! Like this is a trend, like this is not going away.

[0:15:14-0:15:15]

Yeah.

[0:15:16-0:15:17]

And I like it.

[0:15:20-0:15:35]

I don't know how to fix the single family car thing cuz I personally own a car and boy I drive it alone SO many places... but... that’s just another example--

[0:15:37-0:16:05]

But that’s a product of two hundred years, maybe not 200 years, but at least a hundred years of the people before us the way that America was structured. So it you can't even blame yourself for the system that we are in but we can still try our best to change it in little ways to make it better. Yes.

[0:16:06-0:16:07]

Yeah.

[0:16:08-0:16:31]

It’s not your fault that there isn't like amazing public transportation everywhere we go. Yeah, we were born into this system and it's not like we have to fix everything overnight or make everything perfect. It's just making little choices, just try and being conscious about your actions. And like what you buy, and what you throw away, and how it will affect our planet. Yeah.

[0:16:35-0:16:43]

And when you put it that way it really does seem like anyone could do it. Literally anyone can.

[0:16:44-0:16:45]

Anyone can

[0:16:49-0:17:07]

Alright, that's about it for our introductory podcast of the jungle. Again I'm Sophie Renker, and I'm Erin Beiter. Have a good day. Thank you for listening.

#sustainability #podcast #thejunglepodcast #urban #lifestyle

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hell-yeahfilm · 3 years ago

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JUNK DRAWER ECOLOGY

Divided into four sections: “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle,” “Animals and Plants,” “Water and Land,” and “Air,” this immersive and imaginative book introduces readers, through simple craft projects, to the scientific principles that affect and explain the ecology of our planet. Using commonly available household supplies—with an emphasis on repurposing plastic bottles and paper—the activities range from making a solar oven from a pizza box and making “plastic” from milk and vinegar to learning how to estimate population sizes through random sampling. “The Science Behind It,” an accompanying paragraph at the conclusion of each project, explains the activity’s scientific basis and its broader ecological applications. Activities range from those safe for preschoolers to ones that need adult supervision (e.g., use of a microwave or knives) and are clearly specified in the “Science for the Ages” section after each activity; this paragraph is written for adults and gives additional research ideas. With the book’s emphasis on positivity and hands-on science, kids are empowered to learn through doing. Who could resist making “Tasty Soil”—layers of cookies, whipped cream, and sprinkles—to learn about the strata of bedrock, subsoil, and topsoil, or using small fish-shaped crackers to understand sustainable fishing techniques? No frills (but clear) black-and-white photographs accompany the step-by-step text and aid in understanding each craft step.

from Kirkus Reviews https://ift.tt/3pWqDYM

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christopherwatsonbooks · 4 years ago

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Covenant Spring, Chapter Two

I graduated with my class. My yearbook photo shows me standing in front of a pine tree with my arms crossed, staring off into the distance.

Before he snapped the photo, the photographer said the same thing to me that he’d said to everyone else. Smile, and think of your future.

I am not smiling in my photo.

Marcel Marceau said in a speech once something to the effect that the reason lying isn't one of the seven deadly sins is because it's necessary. You can't tell someone you love that they're ugly.

It rocked me when I read that. I wished I had read it earlier. It would have been a great comfort to me. A man who made art out of silence. It would have been nice to think myself an artist, rather than a hypocrite.

You have to be careful when you tell the truth. The truth and honesty aren't the same thing. Honesty is not lying. The truth is an atom bomb that can blow the world apart.

I knew this back then, years before I could articulate it. Most kids do. You can tell when they learn it because like I did, they stop talking.

Adults always say they want kids to talk, but kids know that's a lie. Most adults want kids to agree. They only want talk like a sonar ping, to satisfy them of existence and proximity. They don’t want to listen, they only wish to avoid surprise. They want honesty like they want a pistol pulled from a pocket and laid on a table, where it can be seen.

There’s a moment in every life when something happens to inform you that the truth isn’t holy. It comes like a shotgun blast, and you’re left holding your guts in your hands, with what you thought was true red and slick and squirming between your fingers as you try to shove it back into where it will no longer fit. All you’re left with is the pain of the greater truth you’ve learned. That your faith can be so blithely betrayed, that nothing is so sacred, no trust so inviolate, that it can’t be profaned.

The pain of this learning becomes your new truth. The pain is the only proof that you're real, that you are not yet a part of the obscene conspiracy. It is precious. It is the only absolutely real and honest thing you have that’s truly and completely yours.

And so, you don’t talk. You will not contribute to the grand lie. You will tolerate the mocking, the beatings, the loneliness. You tolerate it because your pain bears you though it, the righteous mirror in which everyone and everything else is reflected and shown to be shit.

Except for you. You are a poet. You are a pure and noble warrior. You will be the last and only true, and you will not falter nor surrender. You will not relinquish your truth, even if it means your own death. If you must, you will sharpen it to keep you strong. Sitting at your desk, pale and proper and beautiful as your blood drips freckles on the dirty classroom floor.

. . .

Listen to me. You must not steal this and make it into nothing. You must respect it. If you don’t, the death poets will do something to make you understand.

Click-click boom! Are you listening now?

. . .

I wish I could take all those kids who blew their friends’ brains out in school and give them bicycles.

We would ride to the top of Washington's Rock together. All of your pain and your anger, put it into your pumping legs and hard breath. Spit the lies like grit from your mouth.

At the top we will stand together on trembling legs with the breeze cool on our sweaty faces. We don't have to talk. We will look out over the world now below us and take our yearbook photos and SAT scores and talks with the guidance counselor and all the adult bullshit, we will crumple it all in our plump young fists and throw it as far as we can into the dusk.

When you're ready, we will return. We will coast together down the hill like free sailors on the wind. When we reach the flat road we will pump the pedals again, we will watch the car headlights blink open to the dusk and breathe the cool exhaust-scented air, and be strong.

I’m so sorry for you if you can’t remember. How like a sin that we ever forget it.

. . .

The night I told Dad I wanted to go to college we were sitting in the dining room, sharing dinner. It was my mother's canasta night with her friends up the street so we were by ourselves. We had ordered pizza and fried calamari from our favorite Italian delivery place. Even their mild sauce is too hot for most people, but Dad and I loved it.

Dad was still in his white short-sleeved golf shirt from the department store where he works as the lawn and garden department manager. He's worked there for as long as I can remember, selling lawn mowers and string trimmers and tillers and mulch. All the people in the neighborhood go to Dad to buy their lawn things.

Dad had spilled some sauce on his shirt the very second I had asked him if he could help me go to college. He dipped his paper napkin in his water with lemon, which is what he almost always drinks, and he dabbed at the stain so that he wasn't even looking at me when he told me that he didn't have to money to send me to college, not a four-year college. But maybe if I wanted to go to a two-year college or tech school, maybe we could swing that, if I got a job to help pay.

I watched him dabbing at the stain on his shirt until he stopped. He lowered his hands into his lap. His head was still down, looking at the stain. All he had done was smear it.

I could tell it was killing him, having to tell me he couldn't afford to send me to college, and then having to look so ridiculous wiping that stain because if he'd just left it alone while he spoke it would have been like pretending he wasn't wearing a clown nose.

I'd wanted to strangle whatever god there might be for having done that to him. It makes me angry to remember it, even now as I’m writing this. But what I told Dad was that it sounded like a fair deal, I wasn’t even completely sure I wanted to go but I would get a job and save money and live at home and think about it, and when I had enough I'd maybe go to a two-year college, if I still wanted to, and if I did I would appreciate all the help he could give me with that.

He nodded then and looked up. I saw his eyes and said I was full and he said he was, too. He said he had to go change his shirt.

The boards in his bedroom creaked over my head as I folded the pizza box and put it with the rest of the cardboard for recycling. I heard him walk to the bed and I guess he sat down. The boards didn't creak for a long while.

. . .

That's when I knew I wouldn't be going to college. I really didn’t want to go, I don’t think. Dad gave me the excuse I needed. I was grateful.

It almost killed me, what I saw when Dad looked up. I was telling him I wanted to go away and leave him alone, alone with my mother and his evening back yard smokes and an empty bedroom down the hall with no music behind the door. I got a peek into the deep and murky water and saw a middle-aged guy in a white short-sleeved shirt who sold lawn mowers at a department store and lived with an alcoholic wife and couldn’t afford to send his only child to college.

I'm sorry, Dad. If I'd known I swear I never would have said anything.

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authoressskr · 7 years ago

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A Nice Glow

Character: Gabriel, Stirling (OC), Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Mentions of Meredith (Stirling’s Mother, OC) and the Lord (Dad) :: Warnings: Language, Character Death, TEARS (I Cried At The End), Subpar Writing, No Beta :: Word Count: 2025

@sdavid09′s Daily Writing Challenge - Prompt #13: Your character finds a homeless child. What do they do?

Note: Do NOT repost, copy and paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION. -+- REBLOGGING is fine! -+-

Gabriel stood staring at all the new options of cookies in the supermarket, marveling at how good everything sounds. Mint double chocolate caramel drizzled cookies. He groans inwardly and grabs the bag before wandering to the next aisle over to investigate the new ice cream flavors.

“Chocolate Covered Strawberry Farmstyle Gelato.” He adds the pink carton to the cookies in his arms before a red striped carton caught his eye. “Humm. White Chocolate Raspberry Cookie Crumble Yum.” Gabriel rolls his eyes a little at these name choices, but hell if those long ass names and descriptions don’t sound scrumptious.

He’s strutting from the store with a hefty paper bag filled to the brim with his goodies when he sees a small child by the corner of the grocery store. Tilting his golden head a tad to the right, he switches direction to head towards the child. He lets a tendril of his grace reach out, careful to make sure it wasn’t an angel or demon before coming closer.

“Hey.” He begins softly, reminding himself not to come off creepy. “Where are your parents?”

“I don’t know. Mommy hasn’t come back like she said.” Gabriel’s jaw locked before kneeling in front of the little boy.

“How long you been waiting, short stack?”

“Two days. I slept in our car before they tooked it.”

Gabriel looks around the parking lot before waving away his bag of goodies and offers a hand tentatively to the child.

“What’s your name?”

“Stirling.”

“Let’s get you something to eat and then we’ll find your mommy. Where were you going to sleep tonight?”

“There was a box with some old shirts and a blanket behind the grocery store by the paper box, so I could wait for Mommy.” He takes hold of Gabriel’s hand gently, peering up at him with dark brown eyes. “What’s your name?”

“Gabriel.”

“And you know where my Mommy is?” His little voice quivered.

“I’m gonna do everything I can to find her for you, okay Stirling?” He nods his little head before pressing himself a little closer to Gabriel’s side. Gabriel forgoed snapping, simply making a standard mid-sized sand-colored sedan appear close by. He carefully walked across the open path in front of the store to the car, opening the back door before Stirling stuck his head in to look.

“Where’s the seat?”

“What seat?”

“The seat for me to sit in, so I stay safe when you’re driving.” His head wiggles a little on his shoulders like this is stuff you should know. “Don’t you have no kids?”

“No, I haven’t had any children.”

“But you’re old. You should have kids.” Gabriel used his mojo to make the middle seat fold out into a child seat with straps while fighting a sigh.

“Old?” Gabriel thinks over the indignant response. “Well, I guess you aren’t wrong…” The boy’s dark eyes regard him like a puzzle. “How - How about I make you another deal? I’ll start looking for a wife who will be a good Mommy, then maybe we’ll see about a kid.” He pats the seat and maneuvers away for Stirling to crawl in. “Tada!” He crawls in without a word, slipping his arms through the straps and then looking exasperatedly at Gabriel.

“You gotta lock it.”

“You know, in my day...Oh Dad, that sounded old.” Gabriel fumbles with figuring out the which latch goes in which slot and is about to resort to using his grace when he looks down to find he’s actually managed. Huh. “Okay, short stack. Where was your Mommy’s car parked, so I can look around there real fast.” He half-turns in his seat, pointing to the little laundromat front. Gabriel can’t really drive, not without his grace, so he uses his grace to get the car over to where she’d been parked, climbing out and leaving the door open to look around.

“Short stack?”

“Yeah?!”

“Do you have anything of your Mommy’s?” He can’t catch the woman’s trail and part of him feels like a nose-blind bloodhound.

“She left me her necklace - for protection. She said angels were watching over us.” Well, fuck him sideways if he hadn’t heard that before. “Are you like a cop?”

“Nah, I’m just good at finding stuff. Usually. Can I see the necklace?” The boy’s little hands pull the little silver cross from under his too big shirt to let Gabriel inspect it. “I need to touch it - is that alright?” He gives a nod, Gabriel feeling his hint of pride at being asked instead of being told to - just like a big boy and smiles as his fingers brush the silver.

“Did that help, Gabriel?”

“It did! We’ll get you some food and see if you can sleep and then I’ll take you to see Mommy.”

“Is she far away?”

“Not too far. But you don’t want her to think you didn’t eat and sleep while she was gone, do you? Mommies always want to make sure you’ve eaten and slept so you grow up strong.” Stirling nods as if this makes perfect sense - so Gabriel relaxes a tad about that - then he looks bashfully away.

“Can we get chicken nuggets? Or pizza?” Gabriel knows those aren’t the healthiest options, but Dad only knows what he’s been eating while he’s been on his own.

“Pizza sounds better than nuggets, don’t you think?” Gabriel climbs back into the front seat, looking into the rearview mirror.

“Yes! With extra pepperoni!”

“Extra pepperoni it is!” Gabriel uses his grace to find the nearest pizza place, letting Stirling loose so he could choose his own toppings. He wouldn’t let him have soda, especially after finding out the boy was only 5, so they settled on apple juice. Gabriel loaded his new charge back into the seat, mastering the snap thingies in only a manner of seconds. He took him to a new (75% empty) apartment complex and once he was fed, entertained (which Gabriel found the easiest task so far), bathed (Stirling did that by himself, thankfully), and had nodded off, Gabriel made his move.

Warding the apartment and leaving a duplicate “sleeping” on the couch, he heads to the police station to get the information on Stirling’s mom and then heads off to identify her body in the morgue next door.

:: - :: - :: -

Gabriel sighs heavily as he types in the numbers to the super secret Bunker phone.

“How’d you get this number?” Dean growls into the phone.

“I’m one of Heaven’s most terrifying weapons. You think I can’t get a phone number, asshole?”

“Jesus. You deal with him.”

“Hello?”

“Sammy! I got a favor I’d like to ask of you and your idiot brother.”

“A favor?”

“Yes, Sam. You know what a favor is, don’t you?” Gabriel switches the phone to his left ear. “Look, I found a child outside the grocery store and he needs a home. Obviously, Dean did an okay job with you but ideally I’d like something a little more stable and a little less stabby.”

“You just found a kid?”

“He was hiding by the recycling bins by the side of the store when I was leaving. He said his mom left him there and was supposed to be back before dark. But she never came back. I fed him, he bathed himself and then he conked out on the couch. So, I did a little digging to find her. Wasn’t too hard. She was in the morgue, killed by a hit and run.” Gabriel rubs a hand over his forehead as Sam sighs on the other line. “I’m not terribly paternal, so I’d like some help here.”

“Tell that douchebag to bring the kid and the body here. We can call Jody - see if she’s willing to do the mom thing all over again.” Dean tells Sam.

“She’s on her way here with Donna and Claire, Sam.” Cas’s deep voice joins the conversation.

“Great. I’ll pop Stirling and his mom there and we’ll go from there.”

“How long til -” Sam begins until he looks in the doorway. He hangs up the phone and approaches Gabriel. “Where’s the boy?”

“One of the empty rooms. Uh, Room 14. I altered his memory a little bit, so he’d remember coming here instead of the empty apartment I took him to.” He follows Sam and Dean into the library where their laptops were. “I put Meredith, his mom, in the Lebanon morgue. I don’t have the foggiest fucking clue how to tell a five-year-old his mom is dead. Where’d Cas go?”

“I expedited Jody’s travels.” Gabriel eyes the women and approves of Jody, her air screams authority and maternal instinct.

“Why did you pop us here?” Jody asks, looking from Dean to Sam to Gabriel.

“Sit down there, Sheriff. I got a tale to tell.” Gabriel orders with a tight close lipped smile.

:: - :: - :: -

“Why can’t I stay with you?”

“I’m not exactly stable, short stack.” Gabriel answers as Stirling tightens his grip.

“What about if you get a good Mommy?”

“That could take awhile. I’m hard to love.”

“Someone will love you.” Stirling says with conviction. “You have a pretty glow.” Gabriel raises an eyebrow as he looks down into dark brown eyes.

“A pretty glow?”

“Uh huh. Mommy said angels will look over us and I needed you and you came.” Donna is turned a little away, tears visible in her eyes at the exchange.

“You got a nice glow too, kid. And if you need me again, hold that necklace your mommy gave you and think in your head of me. Got it?”

“I got it.” He kicks a pebble that’s on the garage floor before looking up at Gabriel again. “Did my Mommy go to heaven?”

“Uh, yeah, buddy - she did. It’s a real good one, she’s got the dog she had when she was little and she’s happy. I had my brother look in on her and told her you were safe and clean and that you ate. She asked for pictures as you grow up and I’ll break a couple rules to do that.” Stirling flings himself at Gabriel’s legs, burying his face by his hip as a little sob racks his body. “Hey. Hey.” He slides his hands comfortingly over the boy’s hair. “It��s gonna be great with Jody. A house full of women! I got you some toys and those Ninja Turtle shoes we saw on tv!”

“And you’ll always come when I call?”

“I will try to come everytime you call, but if you’re calling me all day or at preschool or something, you might have to wait to see me until you’re at home. But I’ll try. Which is more than I believe I have ever promised anyone else - so you’re already pretty special, short stack.”

“I’ll miss you.” He shoves his face back into Gabriel’s hip before Gabriel picks him up and hugs him.

“I’m gonna miss you too. I’ll watch over you, just like your mommy said.”

“You remember our deal?”

“Which one?”

“Where you find a mommy and have a baby cause you’re old.” Dean snickers and Gabriel shoots him a dark look.

“I’ll keep an eye out for a good mommy.” Gabriel promises before setting him down and watching him take Jody’s hand and be led out to her truck, his little face plastered just minutes after against the back window, waving. Gabriel waves back with a encouraging smile.

And if he’s completely honest with himself, he waves until far after they’d gone out of sight.

Not even two days and he was wrapped around Stirling’s little finger. Damn humans...

“I think that little boy changed you a little, Gabriel.” Cas mutters with a small smile besides him, the Winchesters thankfully gone.

“I guess so, Castiel. Personally, I think Dad is still managing to pull his head out of his ass every once in awhile.”

“You think he led you to the boy. It could have also been his mother.” The archangel shrugs.

“Just glad he’s got a home.” And Gabriel disappeared from the garage, with Cas smiling as he closes the garage - knowing Gabriel is following Jody and Co. home.

Tagging: @sdavid09 @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @clockworkmorningglory @sumara62 @ourloveisforthelovely @lucis-unicorn @galaxiesinmymind @chelsea072498 @sakurablossom4 @whinywingedwinchester @keepingcalmisoverratedgoddamnit

#Gabriel #the archangel gabriel #tale teller's daily writing challenge #authoressskr writes #castiel angel of the lord #dean winchester #sam winchester #jody mills #donna hanscum #Claire novak #Stirling OC #slight dad!Gabriel feels #I cried writing this #i'm sorry about this #prompt thirteen

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shaizstern · 5 years ago

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Article from NYT: So You Had a Bad Day …

Here are some tips to pick yourself back up again, regain some dignity and soldier on after the lousiest of days.

Image: Michael DeForge

By Jen A. Miller

It was the tail end of a long day of small, stupid things that in normal times would have been tiny grains of sand to knock out of my shoe. But on that day, another pandemic day in a long string of pandemic days, those small, gritty things — the dog wanted too much attention, work was causing stress, the neighbor’s kid was outside, screaming, again — became boulders.

But I set those things aside, I thought, and got ready to do a tele-seminar for a few hundred strangers.

And then my recycling blew down the street.

“I can’t take it anymore!” I shouted from the middle of the road while chasing boxes and newspapers.

It’s not uncommon for the small to become the insurmountable right now. “There’s a lot more coming at us and fewer ways to discharge it than ever,” said Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and co-author of “A Mindful Year: 365 Ways to Find Connection and the Sacred in Everyday Life.” “A lot of us are taking on more than we can really process in real time and more than our nervous systems can digest.”

Your nervous system is in overload, so it’s no wonder you don’t know what you’re feeling anymore. This is called “experiential blindness,” said Lisa Feldman Barrett, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Northeastern University and author of “How Emotions are Made.”

Essentially, our brain takes cues from what our body is doing at any moment. If our heart rate goes up, the brain parses info about whether we’re running from a lion or merely walking up the stairs. From there, the brain reacts — often in the form of emotions. However, we rely on our memories to tell us that indeed, this is the drab flight of stairs to our walk-up. Most of us, however, have never been through a global pandemic. There are no previous memories for our brain to draw on.

Hence, my shouting in the middle of the street about a crushed beer can blowing in the wind.

Remember, however, that you don’t have to stay in that awful place for good. You can rebound. Here’s how.

Breathe

As clichéd as it sounds, stopping to take a breath can snap you out of your mood. When you are feeling your worst, stop and take two minutes to inhale and exhale deeply, said Alexandra Elle, a wellness consultant and author of “Today I Affirm: A Journal that Nurtures Self Care.” Doing this kind of breathing helps her “remember to be in the moment and to be present with whatever is in front of me, behind me and what’s to come,” she said.

Dr. Barrett says she tries to either consciously reason out exactly what she might be feeling and why, “or I take a more Buddhist approach and think, OK, I’m feeling something, I’m just going to sit with it and let it wash over me,” she said.

You don’t have to retreat to a special place to do this, whether you need this breath now or later. “We’re not all ‘sit on a pillow and mediate’ type folks,” said Mrs. Elle. Wherever you are works just fine. (Though maybe, for your own safety, get out of the middle of the street first.)

It’s fine just to take some time to think about what is happening and how you feel. Just be aware that constant rumination or getting stuck in negative thoughts may be a sign that it’s time to reach out to a mental health professional.

Apologize

If your blowup involved another person, simply apologize.

And after apologizing, try to tell the other person what happened, “not to justify it, but to explain it,” said Philip Levy, Ph.D., family therapist and co-author of “The Resilient Couple: Navigating Together Through Life.” Then discuss with the other person “what did we learn from it, and what can we do differently moving forward.”

Talk about what you need from the other person, especially if they did something well-intentioned (like interrupted your work to tell you that a delivery had arrived, or spent way more than you had budgeted for groceries). “It’s important for you to be able to try to listen and not get into whether you’re right or wrong or debate it, to demonstrate that you hear the other person and that you care about how they felt,” said Dr. Levy.

Laughing about it doesn’t hurt either. I turned my follies into a Twitter thread, which made other people laugh, which in turn made me feel better, too.

Exercise

Yes, it takes effort to get your workout clothes on when you already feel lousy, but quite a bit of research, including a 2015 review of studies published in Frontiers in Psychology, shows a single bout of exercise can boost positive feelings for a few hours afterward. (However, that same review found data on reducing negative emotions was somewhat inconclusive.)

Tackle a challenge

Sometimes you just need a distraction. A hard puzzle or game can be the perfect antidote, says Dr. Barrett. When completed, the sense of accomplishment will further boost your spirits.

Find a way to connect

“Humans need to be around other people, we’re social creatures,” said Katrina Johnston-Zimmerman, an urban anthropologist and an adjunct professor at Drexel University. Ms. Johnston-Zimmerman studies behavior in public spaces and says that even micro-interactions — like watching a rat pull a piece of pizza down the street with two strangers — enrich our lives. Most of us feel starved for that contact right now. Call a friend, do a video chat, or even just sit on your fire escape and wave at the person in the next building over.

But skip the punching bag or scream session

Venting your anger may actually make you feel worse, said Lennis Echterling, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at James Madison University. “Merely venting negative emotions by screaming or yelling does not have any health benefits,” he said, and the research on the topic seems to point away from venting diminishing our rage in any tangible way.

Find what you’re thankful for

A lot of things in the world are bad right now, but figuring out what you’re thankful for can help you bounce back.

Expressing gratitude for the people or things in our lives “can help us feel more connected and inspired to help others,” said Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., professor and vice chair of psychology at the University of California, Riverside and author of “The How of Happiness.” It can also lift you out of whatever sent you into a spiral. It “takes attention off you and directs it onto someone or something else,” she said.

The gratitude could be for small things, like getting a bag of coffee beans from your favorite roaster, or big things, like being safe and secure in your home.

You can express this gratitude by telling another person what you’re thankful for (about them or not) or by writing it down privately. However, gratitude needs to come from you. Don’t ask for it from someone else; just like telling someone to calm down inspires the reverse, telling someone why they should be thankful is most likely to inspire ire, not thanks.

For example, if you’re mad at your kids and someone tells you that you should be thankful for them, “in that moment, I’m thinking, I know that I’m grateful for my kids, don’t tell me what to be grateful for,” said Dr. Lyubomirsky. And if this is the thing that sets you off, well, take a breath and start over again.

Original article: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/12/smarter-living/coronavirus-bad-day.html

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