#this might be garbage but i dont care im doing a part 2

[youremyheaven]

(same ketu rising anon who sent you the ask just now)

ALSOOOOO I WOULD LIKE TO ADD MY 2 CENTS TO THE VENUS CONVO (i related to some parts of the venus and jupiter posts you had but my memory is not refreshed rn)

Bc first of all Indian men are trash, second of all, rich people are trash and a rich Indian man and his family are probably capable of god knows what insanity.

i laughed a lot at this but fucking hell dude you're so right.

also i adore art (well, writing, in my case). i think you're right it's really important to stay connected with art. i treat my art (writing) to an obsession's extent sometimes (might this be… ketu influence? 🤩 SORRYYYY forgive this amateur) and without it i get very restless.

and i have so many issues after the two relationships i mentioned and right now i am too busy to date????? BUT I STILL KEEP THINKING OF THE FUTURE AND DREADING SHIT? i keep thinking "oh i'll get married to some man who's going to use me. use my status. use my money." {not that i have much of either rn lmfao} and just generally worrying about shit that i dont need to think of?

100% agree with you about financial independence. i have no trust for people with money or power. who tf decided im the special person who'll make them good? 😂 real life isn't that kind. if someone DOES turn out to be nice, that's lovely. but it's an exception.

(on a more general note, i feel like my time on the internet has ruined me because real men will never treat me as gently as the silly fictional men and that just sucks sometimes LMAOOOO like i fantasise about having a husband in the future who doesnt hate the kids and doesnt hate me but idk man. idk if it's ever real. you lose faith in reality sometimes after caring about the ideal for so long. or something. sorry im just rambling now aghfhjghjda sorry you had to deal with this)

"also i adore art (well, writing, in my case). i think you're right it's really important to stay connected with art. i treat my art (writing) to an obsession's extent sometimes (might this be… ketu influence? 🤩 SORRYYYY forgive this amateur) and without it i get very restless."

being very art oriented = Venus and being obsessed with it is also Venusian, Ketu does add to it in your case, I think but Ketu's nature is just a perpetual state of detachment and obsession, so its kind of on and off

"BUT I STILL KEEP THINKING OF THE FUTURE AND DREADING SHIT? i keep thinking "oh i'll get married to some man who's going to use me. use my status. use my money." {not that i have much of either rn lmfao} and just generally worrying about shit that i dont need to think of?"

this is literally THE most Venusian thing everrr lmao,, Venusian women know that others see them as a status symbol lmao and they only get along with and get romantically involved with other Venusians bc they're afraid of how non-Venusians would use them for clout/money/looks etc

100% agree with you about financial independence. i have no trust for people with money or power. who tf decided im the special person who'll make them good? 😂 real life isn't that kind. if someone DOES turn out to be nice, that's lovely. but it's an exception.

marrying for anything other than love is simply not worth it. men are going to be shitty regardless,, imagine marrying for money and not getting any AND you can't stand him AND have horrible sex??? like do women think rich men are stupid??? you wont get a penny out of him if things end,, they're sooo good at hiding away their assets and not paying alimony or fucking your life up just for fun. marry someone in your income bracket so that they do not have the power to ruin you forever and you have nothing to fight back with.

bestieee you just have to be delusional enough to believe that you will find a good man. most men are lowkey garbage but there ARE good people out there and you have to have faith that you will meet the right person who adores you, loves you (and the kids) and will do anything to make life easier for you. HE EXISTS.

8 billion people exist, so purely statistically speaking, he has to exist as well 😌

its okiee dw about rambling 🥺😘i find it cute how you guys tell me whats on your mind, makes me feel like im your mom 🤰🏻👩🏻‍🍼i hope my future kids also love talking to me and telling me whatever's on their mind 🥰

[venomous--fics]

Do you wonder?

Inspiration/ Mood music: Do You Wonder- Khai Dreams // Maybe We’re Meant to be Alone - Bad Suns

Summary: A one night stand with Eddie over a decade ago might have been the best thing to ever happen.

Pearlie: Do you Wonder is the big mood for this fic, so, put that on loop tbh. But the Bad Suns song is also a mood and so good. Also, please don’t mind the name I picked for the kid, it’s literally my middle name and I had no other ideas, rip me. yes, my name is Pearlie Quinn… My dad said Harley Quinn was overrated and now I am CURSED. Might do a part 2 to this, as Eddie doesn’t have V in this bit.

STORY: 

You were walking down the sidewalk, right behind your daughter, Quinn, who, at 12, has already decided she’s going to be some sort of scientist, or, better yet, an astronaut. You couldn’t help but be fascinated with her imagination and curiosity of new things. 

You watched her eyes light up when she talked about how rain clouds formed, or how rockets were built. She had the same spark that her dad had. It brought back memories of being in college with her father, Eddie Brock. He was always a nerd, talking about he was going to have his own newspaper, or his own news show. 

Sadly, you didn’t know if any of his dreams came true. Things got a bit weird after that one night. You knew it was going to mess things up, but you loved Eddie and you just wanted to be with him. He loved you, and you could see it- Everyone could. 

Weeks after the whole ‘it won’t change a thing.’ schtick, you found out you were pregnant. You were grateful you were almost done with college, but what about after? Would Eddie be okay with this? You were going to tell Eddie about it, but then you saw him out on a date with a different girl.. She was a bit taller than you, looked more professional. Blonde. 

You decided that maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to just not tell Eddie.. He looked happy with that girl anyways. You wondered if they were married now.. Maybe he had kids with her. Is he happy? Does he think about you? 

“Mom.” 

“Oh!” you chirped, bring your attention back to her, “Yes?”

“You think maybe we can- like- go out for something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Sure! You pick and I’ll buy.”

“Kinda hoping you’d pay.. I’m not exactly rich at the moment.” she smirked.

She looked exactly liked him, even had his signature lopsided smirk- His hair- His humor.

“When you get rich, send me a check.” you chuckled.

“Fifty-fifty.”

“Fair.”

Quinn spun around and shot you finger guns, and you laughed, and she continued backwards, accidentally bumping into someone. She awkwardly shuffled closer to you and whipped around, “My bad.”

The person hesitated before turning around, and you felt your heart stop. You covered your mouth to hold in a gasp, quickly masking it as clearing your throat.

“Y/N?”

“Eddie?”

“Hey!” 

Before you could think of an escape plan, he pulled you into a hug. You tried to fight the urge, but you gave in and hugged him as tightly as you could. 

“Ahem?” Quinn sarcastically coughed.

You pulled away and gestured to your daughter, “Eddie, this is, uh.. This is, uhm..”

“Quinn.” 

“Right, yes, this is my daughter, Quinn.” you nervously brushed some hair out of your face.

“Daughter?” Eddie asked, looking at her.

He raised a brow as Quinn seemed to scan Eddie over. He and the kid tilted their head in the same manner, almost as if they were connecting the dots. Eddie felt like he was looking in a mirror, yet, not. Quinn, to him, looked like her mother, but something felt..like it was him.

Quinn smiled a little, “I recognize him! He the guy from all your old pictures.”

“Yes, well,” you felt your face heat up, “You’re right.”

“You still have those dusty things?” Eddie chuckled, “What was your reason again? Scrapbooking?”

“It’s a fun hobby.”

“For old ladies, I think.” Eddie smiled at you, “Joking. Joking.”

You awkwardly laughed along with him, wanting nothing more than to just scream and hide. This felt like a train wreck waiting to happen- assuming it hasn’t already.

“Who’s the lucky guy?” 

“Oh,” you faltered, “Uh-”

“Don’t know.” Quinn cut in, rather bluntly, “I mean, my mom knows, but she says she doesn’t want to talk about it. Says, ‘I’m not old enough.’ I’m 12, isn’t that old enough?”

Eddie looked puzzled again. Surely you weren’t the type to just… Have a kid on your own. You always told him about you wanted a family, and a nice house, and maybe a dog or two… He had to admit, whoever the guy was, he was kinda jealous.. Even if he wasn’t around. 

“So, I assume you’re not married?”

“Have no need for it.” you said, “I’m happy.”

Eddie looked back at Quinn, who was still looking up at him, eyes bright and beautiful. 

“What about yourself?” you asked.

“Me? Ah, you know, n’thing’s changed but the weather.” he chuckled, a little sadder this time. 

You raised a brow, “I can still tell when you’re lying.”

Eddie awkwardly rubbed his neck, “Everything’s fine.”

You saw Quinn growing bored, hearing her huff and blow hair out of her face.

“Hey, do you, maybe wanna get lunch with us?” Quinn half shouted.

You looked over at her.

“What?” she asked, “I’m dying over here and you guys keeping talking and talking aaaand taaalllkkiiiing.” 

Eddie let out a genuine laugh, “Sure, I don’t mind- If your mom doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Good. Let’s go.” Quinn pleaded.

“Just so you know, I talk with my mouth full,” Eddie joked, “Ms. Square over there always said it was bad manners.”

“It is. I also don’t want to see what you’re chomping on.”

Quinn giggled as you three walked together, “He’s funny.”

“He’s okay,” you said.

“Okay?” Eddie faked offense, “I’ll have you know, I can make Mrs.Chen laugh. That is not an easy task.” 

“Mrs.Chen?” Quinn tilted her head again, “Whose that.”

“Real nice lady. She owns a little shop downtown. Maybe we can go sometime- I think she’d get a kick out of you.”

Your heart began thumping at the thought of doing things with Eddie again. Maybe if he got cozy, you could get a chance to tell him the truth. You still wanted nothing more than to be with him.

Quinn cut in, “Eddie, you seem familiar. And I don’t mean pictures either.”

“I get that alot.” Eddie put his hands in his pockets, “Last time I heard that, someone thought I took twenty bucks from them. They were wrong.”

You waited for him to finish, because there is now way an Eddie story ends like-

“It was fifty.”

There it is.

Quinn seemed completely unphased by his story, and she snapped her fingers, “I know! You’re the guy from tv!”

“Tv? Me?” Eddie pointed to himself, “Nah, see, I have more- Uh, a face made for radio.”

“But you are on tv! I watch your show all the time. It helped me write a school report once.”

“What was it about? Corruption? Murder?”

“Pollution and recycling.”

“Oh, yeah.” Eddie acted like he had to think about that one, “That one was kind of boring.”

“I don’t think a 12 year old should write about murder anyways.”

“That’s for when I hit my angsty teenage years.” Quinn said proudly.

“Please don’t.” you replied.

“Here!”

The sudden outburst made you jump a little as Quinn pointed to her favorite pizza shop. She wasted no time as she bolted into the place and picked her usual seat. You and Eddie joined her, admittedly, taking your time.

“Haven’t been here in a long time.” Eddie said, letting out a breath as he got comfortable in his seat.

“We come here all the time. If we aren’t shopping, or playing at the park, or whatever, we’re here.”

“Wow, Q,” you mused, cheek resting on your hand, “You make it sound like we live here.”

“Might as well.” she quipped. 

You rolled your eyes playfully, looking over at Eddie, “Trust me, we don’t come here alot-”

“Y/N!” a voice called out.

You turned your attention to the source to see your friend, Lorenzo, waved from behind the counter.

“The usual?” he asked.

“Yes, please!” Quinn said, getting on her knees and looking over the wall of the booth, waving to Lorenzo.

He nodded before disappearing into the kitchen.

“Don’t come here often, but enough to warrant ‘the usual.’“ Eddie rubbed his chin, “Got it.”

“Lorenzo just knows what we like.”

“And what would that be?”

You opened your mouth, but Quinn wound up answering instead, “It’s this really good pizza that’s extra cheesy, and has extra pepperoni. It’s my favorite too.”

“That’s funny.” Eddie smiled, “That’s my favorite too.”

You watched as Eddie and your daughter got swept up in a whirlwind conversation about how pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, and if anyone likes that, they’re most definitely an alien- And that’s scientific truth… Because she said it. You lost yourself in a daydream.

“You should really be a little more careful about what you eat, Ed.”

“And you should live a little. C’mon, it’s got extra cheese because I know you have a thing for it.”

Eddie turned the box a little and you looked down at the pizza inside. Somehow, a romantic picnic translated into ‘bring the greasiest, cheesiest, pizza smothered in pepperonis.’ You didn’t mind, but it looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.

You rolled your eyes and blew a piece of hair out of your face, making him chuckle a little. Eddie being Eddie, he finished his piece and then went to wipe his face on his sleeve. Thankfully, you stopped him. You leaned over, and very close to his face, gently wiping it with your napkin, “The grease will leave a nasty stain.”

Eddie was flustered, to say the least. His stomach didn’t feel full of food, rather, butterflies, and his eyes roamed your face, admiring the love that was in your eyes. He knew it was directed towards him. You were never good at keeping secrets.

You realized what you’d done and you froze. Your face was so very close to his, your lips were practically touching, and your cheeks felt warm. You slowly lowered the napkin, feeling yourself shrink away from him.

“Sorry, I didn-”

Eddie gently cupped the hand that had the napkin in it, his eyes still locked on yours, “No, uhm.. Don’t.. Be.”

You felt a flood of emotions race over you. There he was, Eddie Brock, the man you were so helplessly in love with. You felt like you’d known him for centuries. He was so close, yet, it didn’t feel close enough.

“I can’t.” you said, sheepishly.

Eddie placed a hand on your cheek and smiled shyly, “Why?”

“It would be weird.”

“Weird?”

“What if we don’t like it- Or if .. Maybe we shouldn’t. It could ruin everything if we did, and I like you too much- I mean, you know what I mean, Ed-”

Eddie pulled you closer and gave you the softest, sweetest kiss you’d ever had. You’d never kissed anyone, but that wasn’t the point. Everything in that moment felt right, perfect even.

He pulled away and you two looked at each other. You smiled crookedly, love drunk, and you giggled quietly, “That’s the nicest way anyone’s ever told me to shut up.”

“Nerd.”

“So, thing’s aren’t weird now, are they?”

Eddie looked up, “Uh, they don’t feel weird so,” he looked back at you, “Nah.”

You felt very courageous out of nowhere as you grabbed his face and pulled him into another kiss. You felt his arms wrap around you and pull you close. You weren’t listening, but you could’ve swore he said he loved you under his breath.

“Y/N?”

You blinked a few times before snapping back to reality and sitting up straight, “Yes?”

“Thought we lost you for a second there. What were you thinking about?” Eddie asked.

“Oh, nothing.”

Something.

“You sure about that?”

“Mhmm.”

Eddie slid a plate over to you, two pieces on it. You looked down at it, feeling a sense of deja vu.

“Figured I’d give you some before we fight over the rest.”

“Oh.” you stared at the food, “Thanks.”

“Sure you’re alright?”

“Dandy.” you smiled at him, “It was just something about a long time ago.”

“Ah.” he replied, “I try not to think about that stuff.. But, can’t help it sometimes.”

“Right.” 

The rest of your meal consisted of Q telling a joke or story and Eddie trying to 1-up it, only to get shot down most of the time. You wouldn’t say it aloud, but this was kind of perfect. Almost like a scene in those tv movies you watched way too much of. You didn’t like them, but nothing else was ever on.

Eddie paid, despite you saying it was your treat. You caved when he said he didn’t mind, and if you didn’t let him pay, he would just have to take you guys out again and pay then. You already knew you’d be going out again. It was fate.

“Hey, Eddie,” Q started, sounding shy, “Do you want to watch a movie with us? We always watch movies on the weekends.”

“Again, if your mom don’t mind-”

“I don’t mind.” you sounded like a broken record. You sweetly put a hand on Eddie’s arm, “It’s nice having you around again. Like old times.”

Eddie felt all the emotions he thought he got rid of come surging back. He tried so hard to forget what you guys did, and how things were, because he didn’t feel good enough for you. He stammered trying to find the words.

“Yeah. Like old times.”

You three made your way home, but not before Eddie took the lead, saying rather than waiting, he was going to take you to see the famous Mrs.Chen, that and he wanted some snacks for the whole movie party thing. Q thought it was a great idea.

Eddie opened the doors to the small shop, and Q looked at him for a moment before going in. She was quiet, which was normal when she’s in new places.

“Who is this?” a small woman beamed.

“This is Y/n and Quinn.” Eddie replied. 

“Family?”

“Something like that.” Eddie replied, “How are things?”

“Eh, you know.”

Eddie watched you guide Q around, and he smiled to himself as Q seemed to perk up and began searching around. He carried the conversation with Mrs.Chen for awhile, she mentioned how she had some family coming in next week, so the shop would probably be closed.

Q came sauntering over with an armful of various snacks, ranging from popcorn to candy. She lifted her arms and placed the stuff on the counter, “My mom has the rest.”

“You making a snack salad?” Eddie asked, watching you bring the last half of the snacks. 

“It’s the best.” Q replied, in her matter-of-fact tone.

Mrs.Chen looked at Eddie quizzically, having memorized all the times he came in here, buying many of the same things for the same reason. She could even hear him saying that it’s a secret recipe for some gourmet meal. Like that made it any better. 

You talked to Mrs.Chen as Eddie helped Quinn grab the bags and walk to the door. Liking the same foods? Probably just a coincidence, right? Eddie left with you two with a new nagging feeling. He barely knew this kid, yet he was ready to die for them. Why. This wasn’t like him.

You three made it back to your place and Quinn immediately began making the popcorn. You let her be as you went to get the movies, and Eddie stuck around in the kitchen, watching this 12 year old not destroy everything. She must’ve gotten the tidiness from her mom.. She always cleaned up his messes- Not because he asked, but because she cared.

Quinn opened up some M&Ms and dumped them into the bowl of freshly popped popcorn. She grabbed the licorice and set the bag on top of the popcorn, grabbing the bowl off the counter and carrying it to the living room. Eddie awkwardly shuffled behind.

You were forced to put in Tangled, Q’s favorite movie at the moment. This movie is the reason she talks about being whatever she wants when she gets older. Rapunzel did what she wanted and found out she was a princess, and Q thought that was cool.

“Have you seen this before?” Quinn asked, mouth full of licorice.

“Can’t say I have.” Eddie replied, taking some of the candy. 

Not even 20 minutes into the movie and Quinn was out. It was only around 8pm, normally she’s awake until 10. You paid no mind as you covered her up with an extra blanket and carefully placed the snack bowl on the table. you hadn’t noticed Eddie watching you, but he was. You hadn’t changed at all.

You’re still you; the girl he was in love with since middle school. The girl who would always offer him her lunch, knowing he had forgotten his. He hates himself for hardly returning the favor. 

“How old is she again?”

“Twelve.” you replied, placing a soft kiss on the girl’s head.

“Ah.”

You looked at Eddie as you sat close to him, “Why?”

“Just, uh, curious.”

“Sure you were.”

“We can put something else on if you want.” you said, grabbing the remote.

“Nah, this is good.” Eddie replied. 

“Really? Are you sick?” you put a hand on his forehead, “Where’s the Eddie that always told me princesses were for sissies.”

Eddie giggled as he removed your hand from his face, “Oh, c’mon now, maybe I’ve changed.”

“I’ll say.”

“Hey, Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Uhm.” Eddie hesitated. It probably wasn’t best to bring up certain events on such short notice, seeing as he doesn’t even know what you do for a living. You tilted your head as he looked out the window, “Do you mind if I stay? It’s pretty late.”

You became a broken record again, “I don’t mind, Eddie.”

Eddie felt embarrassed, which was kind of a new feeling for him. What was he supposed to do? Bring up something that happened ages ago? How long ago even was it, he thought, because it felt like yesterday it happened.

You and Eddie finished the movie in peace, and you showed him to the guest room, which was down the hall from your room. You bid him a good night and left him alone to get ready. 

He didn’t sleep much that night.

A day turned into a week, and a week turned into a month, and it seemed like Eddie was here to stay. Like a parasite who needed a host. You didn’t mind, actually, you liked having him around. Quinn seemed to get along with him greatly, which put you at ease. You had to tell Eddie to truth. And if he left, well, at least you got it off your chest.

“Eddie?” you asked sheepishly, wrapping your arms around yourself. 

The house fell quiet, as Quinn was in her room, probably doing gymnastics off her bed. You told her to be careful, as to not break an arm or a leg.

“Yeah?” he asked, looking at you.

“Can I talk to you about something? It’s kinda important.”

He set his cup down and walked over to you, “Are you okay? You look sick.”

“I feel sick.” you tried to chuckle, but quickly composed yourself, “Look, I need to say this- And if you hate me afterwards, then…That’s fine.” 

Eddie didn’t say anything, he just watched your eyes flicker from him to the floor, back to him, to the side. You were trying to get your thoughts to stop racing. 

“You remember that, uh, one night in college where we-”

“Yeah?”

“And things got weird after that…”

“Yes?”

“I wanted to tell you then, but you were dating someone else, I thought- I figured, maybe I should just leave it be. You looked happy. I..”

“You’re worrying me.”

“Q is yours.” you blurted out.

“What?”

“Sorry I didn’t say anything, but I-”

“Y/n, how could you?” Eddie asked, more hurt than upset.

“I really was going to tell you, but then the girl I saw.. I mean, I got over it, and I honest to God was going to tell you, but then you told me about this job you got offered, and I didn’t want to mess it all up.”

“Mess it up?”

“You had everything you asked for. I knew if I told you what had happened you’d throw it all away, and you’d be miserable.”

“Miser- Y/n, you make it seem like I was some kind of douchebag.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

You hadn’t even noticed the tears flowing down your cheeks until you physically saw Eddie’s heart sink. 

“I was alone when I had her, and I’ve been alone since.. And I was doing okay. But then she started asking, and I wanted to call you.. But I figured you were married and had other kids and what not..” You wiped your eyes on your sleeve, “I convinced myself I didn’t need you.”

“Well,” Eddie said, pausing again, “does it make you feel better knowing that I want to be here?”

“Do you?”

“Y/N I haven’t gone back to my apartment in two weeks.”

“I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I just wanted you to be happy.”

“I would’ve been happier with you.”

Eddie pulled you into a warm hug and held you close. Everything felt right again. “I’m not leaving you two.”

You wrapped your arms around Eddie, “I know..”

“So that loser is my dad?”

You both whipped around and saw Quinn, who had waterfalls coming out of her eyes. The child quickly tried to wipe her face as she shrunk away. Eddie moved around you and walked over to Quinn, kneeling down, “I’m afraid so.”

Quinn looked at him, with the same colored eyes as he had, she sniffed. Eddie smiled softly, “Don’t hate me now, do you?”

Quinn jumped into his arms, wrapping her small ones around his neck, “No.”

Eddie hugged Q tightly, “Ah, was kinda afraid you’d want someone else to be your dad.”

Q sniffed, chuckling, “David Hasselhoff would’ve been cool.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“You’re pretty okay, though.”

“I like to think that too, kiddo.”

Quinn moved back and looked at Eddie, smiling at him. Eddie felt his heart swell up, and it felt like he was brought back to life. This was his daughter. He had what he always wanted; A family. He knew that no matter what, he wasn’t leaving. You were stuck with him. 

He started playing his life in his head, except it wasn’t past memories, it was the future. He had already planned out what he was going to do next. Marry you. Go out for ice cream, go to the fair, win all the big prizes just for his girls. Maybe get something cool, like a dog. 

Sure, he would have to take his time, but that’s alright. He wanted this all to last forever. He looked up at you big a big goofy grin, “Hey, want to go out an celebrate?”

You smiled, “What did you have in mind?”

“Oh!” Quinn shouted, “Ice cream! No, a movie! Dad, please!”

Eddie looked at Quinn. That’s what he was now. Dad.

“Of course.” Eddie said, still in a bit of a daze.

Before he could get up, the little girl hugged him tightly, feeling like all her wishes had come true. She got what she wanted and she didn’t want to let go. The coolest guy in the whole world was her dad, and she wanted to be just like him. 

“I love you, dad.”

Eddie smiled and gave her another hug, “I love you too.”

As you three got ready to leave, Eddie realized something. He didn’t have to wonder anymore if there was anything left for him. He didn’t need to wonder if anyone out there even loved him. He had the two most wonderful people in his life, and that’s all he could’ve ever asked for.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Eddie.”

“I’m tellin’ the truth, Y/n/n. Look,” He pointed up into the night sky, “That’s totally the big dipper.”

“That’s the little dipper, look at my book. The big dipper is over there.” You pointed to his left.

“Nah, nah, you got it backwards.”

“You have it backwards, as usual.”

“Either way, I’m still half right.”

“How does that even work if you’re wrong?”

“If my brain is in the right place, I technically don’t think I’m all wrong.”

You looked him over, “Was unaware you had a brain, Edward.”

“Ouch.” Eddie snorted, “That hurts. How do you think I got into this college anyways?”

You looked at the sky again, sighing, “I think you wished on stars one too many times. Or you bribed someone.”

“I didn’t bribe anyone. For your information, I’m always broke.”

You chuckled as you set your gaze on the moon. Eddie watched you for a moment, admiring how the nightly colors seem to wash over you like a painting. He followed your gaze and reclined back on his elbows. He saw you close your eyes from the corner of his gaze, “What are you doing?”

“Making a wish.”

“Loser.”

It was quiet for a moment before you laid back on the blanket on the grass.

“What did you wish for?”

“Can’t tell you or it won’t come true.”

“Laaaaaaaame.”

“Eddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think wishes really come true?”

Eddie shrugged, laying back, just like you, “Maybe.”

You rolled onto your side, resting your head on your arm, looking at Eddie, “Don’t laugh at me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I wished that we would be together forever.”

“Are you twelve?”

You giggled as you reached out and grabbed his hand, “It wouldn’t be that bad, would it?”

Eddie looked at your hands and then at you. You looked at him like he was the only thing you had ever adored in your whole life. He looked at you the same way, “No, it wouldn’t be bad at all. I wouldn’t mind.”

“Thought you’d say that.”

[beivfac]

im watching the death note drama and taking notes of the differences between it and the anime/manga. this is episode 1:

EPISODE ONE:

They address the idea of an eraser but when u go to erase the name it just doesn't erase its like pen - the eraser isnt shown in the anime, but its in the pilot chapter of the manga.

in this version light isnt immediately like "oh im god now that i can kill" - like he goes to kill this bully from highschool that was terrorizing him and his friend, but he goes to erase it and cross it out because he quickly realizes he doesnt really want him to die. he also doesnt figure out the death note works right away, it isnt until the morning after that he finds out the guy died. when he finds out that the guy definitely died of a heart attack he almost throws up

this light is a lot different because the light in the anime already had a disreguard for human life. he already had the thought that some people are better off dead , but in the drama its other people that put that thought into his head. and we get to see the blank slate light that might have existed before the canon

light's mom is dead.

soichirou has "work before family" disease even ~10 years after his wife died and he was too busy working to be there at the hospital with her. so light's taken the role of parent to his little sister - he makes her breakfast and dinner because their dad is always at work and they dont have a mom

light also works part time at a cafe i think. and hes still studying for public service. he's starts at college, not at high school like in the anime.

this screenshot here shows off another aspect of light - he actually Has a personality as opposed to his Blank White Room bedroom in the anime. theres trophies and school-items, which shows hes still good at school and tries very hard, but then you have the deer head thing. its like. its cool! its art! theres personality there! he has personality beyond trying to be seen as a perfect student

the hostage situation actually happened with light's Dad as the hostage. light thinks the death of the high school bully was a fluke and is still doubting that the book works, but he runs home to write down the name of the guy who took his dad hostage anyways 

light has friends - when they asked about what he thought of kira, one of them chimed in and said "light hates crimes" and he just nodded like. "yeah.." like hes letting himself be the person that people think he is 

someone actually tells light about misa's parents being murdered by a guy. I think in the animanga he just killed the guy because he was a criminal, without knowing that he was killing MISA MISA's parents' murderer.

mikami is there and hes the one that tells misa that her parents' murderer is getting out of jail on parole

ryuk really likes openly mocking light, saying "is this the birth of a hero", applauding him when he killed lind l tailor, etc 

ryuk is also very into waiting behind doors that light opens

ryuk actually had to convince Light to use the notebook. light was originally going to kill himself to atone for the deaths of the 2 people he killed, even though they were both harming people he cared for

L is obsessed with gogo squeeze

watari doesnt hide his face when acting as an inbetween for L and the police

ryuk just gets apples. like it isnt a point that Light buys them for him

L is really good at trickshots into garbage cans

L is very obsessed with being clean, unlike the animanga version

one of the first thing soichirou says to L is "what do u think human life is?"

L isnt barefoot

the police force has a woman on their team - himura shoko -- i googled her and she seems to be their naomi

mogi, matsuda, and aizawa are all on the police force

L watches a childish show on TV. the two men hold up their glasses of wine, L does the same towards the TV, making no expression

L gives written notes to watari with demands on them

ryuk kills a fly buzzing around him.

misa went onto an online kira forum and begged kira to kill the man who killed her parents, who was just released from jail

L actually invites soichirou to meet with him before getting kicked out of the kira case by the police force. soichirou meets L alone at the hotel, instead of with the kira task force (this was also before everyone else on the kira case quit, leaving just soichirou and the boys)

L made watari spray soichirou with disinfectant

lights friend is a misa stan. light goes to her concerts sometimes. she's like a local idol. 

near is a little boy and mello is a puppet

[foilfreak]

2/2. I also have my own headcannon about them and the whole band but most of the times his exaggerated both ways. Either he’s too bad or suddenly he’s so good it doesn’t even feel like him. Same with his relation with Noodle. It’s barely portrayed as a father/daughter, mostly from what I see is him being a total bastard to her which in my opinion isn’t true. Yes, he does repeat his own father mistakes, mostly on Stu, but I highly doubt he would abuse a child and let her think no one loves her

(Here’s part 1 of this ask for clarity: Please don’t be sorry for a long answer, I appreciate it so much, that you took your time and also because we are on the same page here! Him being flawed and not perfect doesn’t mean he was bad to her. He even admitted himself he thinks of her as a daughter. Also that part how he’s portrayed by fandom. I don’t like it also. I’m not a biggest fan of 2Doc because of how aggressive they show him and how stupid Stu is in them. There’s only one I read so far that’s good and I can’t remember the name.)

Ah thank you friend your words mean a lot and I love that there are people who actually want to talk to me about the stuff that I like and think is interesting and share some of my opinions!!! Yes exactly Murdoch’s flawed personality shouldnt inherently mean that he was a bad influence much less abusive to her as well. Yes there have been at least one or two instances where Murdoc flat out said that he saw Noodle as a daughter so for people to try and argue that it isn’t true is kind of pointless since, whether you agree with it or not, its stated directly in canon. Now of course its a little hipocritical of me to say things like “oh well its stated in canon therefor you should all just accept it”, especially considering the number of middle fingers ive shown to the canons of all different media throughout the years, but even without the canon statement there is concrete evidence showing that murdoc legitimately cares about noodle as a daughter even with his fucked up personality.

Ya i can’t say im a big fan of how he tends to be portrayed by the fandom either, and the worst part is that its not entirely because i think their characterization of him is 100% off from how he acts in canon, but rather they take what they see in canon and then rev it up to 11, but the main problem i have is that its still somewhat true to the source material because that’s how he’s portrayed in canon as well, especially when it comes to 2D. 2D has been Murdoc’s punching bag from the very beginning and while it was kind of funny in the beginning, as the phases went on and Murdoc continued treating 2D like absolute garbage, it became clear, especially by phase 3, that there was never going to be a happy, healthy friendship between the 2 of them. There are instances in which they seem to get along like best friends without issue, like the various interviews we see in phases 2 and 4, but then a music video will come out and Murdoc will be right back to beating up on 2D like nothing good every happened between them. 2D is a ship that i tentatively like, but it heavily depends on how Murdoc and 2D are portrayed and like you said I don’t enjoy when Murdoc is nothing but an abusive asshole and 2D is too stupid to realize what’s going on. I have read a few good 2D fics in the past where there’s a good mix between Murdoc having issuesTM but not being outright abusive to those around him and 2D being his usual kind of ditsy self but he was also a lot more perceptive than canon 2D is usually portrayed as being. it was nice and the plots were very interesting and it was a really unique but faithful take on how a healthy 2Doc relationship might come about. Its been quite a few years since i read these so i dont remember what theyre called and idk if they would still hold up today but I enjoyed them back when i first read them in 2015 is when i think it was.

A lot of people have their own personal headcanons as to how the band operates and that’s totally fine, im the same way, but i would be lying if i said that most people tended to portray the band (especially murdoc) in ways that I personally don’t agree with. It’s nice to read a fic or a comic where Murdoc is being nice and showing a bit more care and consideration than he normally does, and I do think he’s capable of showing those emotions when the situation calls for it, but some creators do take it a little far and after a while it stops feeling like Murdoc, or vice versa when they make him so bad that its just too much. Maybe a lot of people don’t see the father/daughter relationship between Murdoc and Noodle like we do, and that’s fine I mean people are free to interpret Gorillaz in any way they like, but it really does bring my gears when people get on here and say that Murdoc wasn’t good to Noodle when she was a kid even tho there’s literally no evidence in canon suggesting that Murdoc ever did or would directly hurt her in any way. Murdoc is a product of a really shitty and horrible childhood but like i said before that doesnt mean he is inherently going to treat Noodle, or any other child, in that same manner or make her feel as tho she isnt special or loved.

Again thanks for the ask, these are so much fun to answer and I hope you are having a wonderful holiday!!! 🥰

[violetiguess]

my friend brought up a good point. "wouldnt it be cool if all our bones were connected??" i was skeptical at first, but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense. look at the human body as it is. so small and breakable. we snap if we fall from high altitudes. we're able to get crushed if we somehow found our way into a garbage compacter. here's my proposal. we make our bones harder. then we maticualsly conjoin them together. now, you may be thinking, "how in the world are we gonna do that??" well, my simple minded friend, i have the answers for you :)

phase one (stronger bones): milk, obviously. milk makes your bones stronger. you need strong bones if you're even THINKING about going to stage two. consume it. but don't overdose. be smart.

phase two (melding of the bones): the reason you need strong bones is because you're gonna have to go through MANY surgeriesthat require force, and you dont want bones breaking!! then you'd have to start from the beginning!! you'll need large amounts of collagen and calcium phosphate. if you don't know, thats what your bones are mostly composed of. of you take the collagen and calcium phosphate, you get a pasty sort if matterial that when hardens, becomes bone. if you take this mixture and put it between all the joints, let it harden, you then have one large connected bone. MAKE SURE TO APPLY IN •THIN• LAYERS!!!!! THIS SHIT IS EXPENSIVE AND YOU DONT NEED ALOT OF IT!! KEEP READING TO FIND OUT WHY!!!

phase 3 (movement of the connected endoskeleton): now, you may be wondering how this mass of artificially made bone well. WORKS. shave/drill most of the man-made joint off so that only about 2 centimeters are there. then you're gonna have to drill holes in certain parts of the bone so that they're able to move.

phase 4 (learning to funtion with Connected Bone TM): now, phase 2&3 were the longest. BUT this part is the most painful. joints will undoubtedly be stiff, and unable to move. it will be incredibly difficult to make yourself work through the pain of breaking in your new Connected Bone TM. HOWEVER i assure you that the months of physical therapy will be worth becoming indestructible (bone wise).

CONGRATS!!! you now have one large bone functioning inside your body!!

FYI

PLEASE keep in mind that im 13 and its 12:27 am. i am NOT a medical professional, so if you are, indeed getting Connected Bone TM, i urge you to talk to a licensed doctor. i have no clue if this would actually work, so be careful!! while quite a bit of research was done for this post, the internet lies, and i dont know what the fuck im doing either. if you're still interested, i will link some websites where you can get calcuim phosphate and collagen. if you're really willing to do this, i recommend asking a college professor (MIT does whatever the hell they want) so you might be able to get the procedure done for free because its "research". i wish you all the best!!! good luck lmao

https://www.physicsforceps.com/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=151

https://www.biotrust.com/products/biotrust-ageless-multi-collagen-protein-powder

#dumbass #cursed #wtf #meme

[quarktrinity]

hey so remember that post i made talking about how connor murphy is an abusive shithole? id like to make some adjustments to that.

in that post, i said that people are still allowes to like/relate to connor murphy and/or evan hansen. i only said that because if i didnt constantly cater to the opinions of deh stans, id be burned at the stake for it, and even when i did cater to them, i got people saying that connor actually isnt abusive, and that i should "let people enjoy things, karen".

well you know what? i literally dont give a shit right now.

dear evan hansen is a shitty garbage musical and anyone who tries to defend it needs to read the fuck out of this post.

lets address the elephant in the room. connor murphy abuses his sister. this shouldnt be up for debate, its literally part of his character, and basically stated in the script, which i own. if you "disagree" with this, i think you need to watch that show again.

so now that thats out of the way, i can go further into detail about this.

deh portrays connor murphy as a ~complicated~ individual, and says that even though he did bad things, the world shouldve been more welcoming and kind to him, and his parents shouldve tried harder to help him.

and sure, okay, his parents definitely sucked at trying to give their son the help he needed, but are we actually just going to skim over the fact that hes abusive? he threatened his sister and treated her like shit daily, thats not ~complicated~, thats called abuse, and the writers of this show cant fucking put this kid on the pedestal they put him on without giving the impression that they think abuse is justifiable.

you cant have it both ways. you cant have a character be irredeemable, then try to portray them in a sympathetic light. it makes you look like an asshole.

so if connors such a shithole, why do so many people like him?

well, lets just say that if sincerely me wasnt a song, people wouldnt give a shit about him. this is a classic case of "piece of media has a character say theyre gay, then pass it off as a joke to appeal to the straights, and lgbt+ fans eat it up." once fans had that impression of him, they couldnt let it go.

but that isnt who connor is. thats literally the point of sincerely me. connor isnt the cutesy sad baby you think he is, hes an abusive piece of shit who doesnt deserve the attention he got.

you might say: "but he was depressed!" "but his parents were neglectful!" "but he was ostracized!" and to that i say:

okay. that sucks. so?

how would any of that make him a sympathetic character? how would any of that justify giving the positive attention connor got? short answer: it wouldnt. long answer: you guys love saying "that doesnt make it okay, but..." but what you really mean is "i dont apply critical thinking to the characters i like because im stubborn about holding onto the first impression i had of them, so i dont care how objectively horrible they are, as long as i can tangentially relate to them via pride flags and neurodivergency, im good."

to portray connor the way he was portrayed is unacceptable. i literally cannot express how disgusted i am at this show and its fans.

moving on to the other huge asshole of this show, evan hansen himself.

where do i even start with evan hansen? well, lets make a list of all the reprehensible things hes done in the musical:

gaslighted an abuse victim into thinking her abuser loved her as a method to pursue her romantically

lied to said abusers entire family, painting a picture of a perfect child that definitely was nowhere close to who he actually was

antagonized his mother, claiming she saw him as "broken" when she was just trying to help him with his anxiety

hurt literally every single person in the musical and didnt hesitate to go straight for the jugular on every one of them

defended connor by saying "life is messy, people are complicated, blah blah blah blah false morality"

but sure hes adorable because anxiety.

evan hansen does not come anywhere close to what people call "morally gray" or "a good person doing bad things." i seriously cant think of a single thing he did in the musical that was solely for someone elses benefit. hes a selfish person. thats his whole thing. he wants attention so bad that he was willing to do outrageously bad things to get it. this isnt a matter of anxiety and getting caught up in a lie that got too big to let go, its a matter of being selfish. thats it. he isnt a good person. stop acting like he is.

the final thing id like to say is to those who identify as connorkin or evankin, or just relate to either of them as characters. to those people, i can say either 1) you dont know these characters as well as you think you do, and youre mistaken, OR, 2) you literally identify with one of these piles of human garbage, go away. im not going to waste my time arguing with people who relate to abusers/people who defend abusers

and if you think ive said "abuse/abuser" too much, and that i should find more creative ways to criticize connors character, i hate to break it to you, but theres not much else to say about him. the majority of whats said about him in dear evan hansen is a lie, so all i know about him is: 1) abuser, 2) some incident with a printer, so hes evidently a violent person, 3) weed, 4) depression? i guess? and 5) just a general asshole

thats kind of it

dear evan hansen spits in the face of abuse victims. it spits in the face of those who have depression or anxiety. it spits in the face of suicidal teenagers. it spits in the face of everything it pretends it cares about.

its a disgusting and damaging show, and id greatly appreciate it if i never had to see anyone sing its praises ever again.

bye.

[toxikbubblegum]

May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

[boy-porridge-vent]

Day 1

***Trigger Warning for most of this post!*** :(

 New vent account, I just have a lot to get off my chest, not right now per-say but in general, a lot has happened and I’m not coping well.

To start off, I’ve relapsed into self harm again

Not only cutting, but nearly everything I was able to get myself to stop doing.

 * I’ve begun to cut again, it’s now to the point where it gets deeper & messier each time I have a panic attack/breakdown (whatever the difference is).

* Im scratching & biting a lot more

* Punching myself until I bruise

* Weighing myself constantly, about 3-10 times a day, it’s in secret though since the scale is kinda hidden in my basement ever since my parents took it away

* Ive begun to check calories & count them. Before this past month, Ive never done this before & now it’s almost like a nervous habit! :(

* I’ve relasped into my an*rexia urges again. I’ve been having trouble with my body image & eating since about 5th grade; not to get too personal, but my mom was & still is hard on me, always called me ugly or fat because of an early puberty that made my body change quickly in a pretty gross way. Had a lot of acne since 4th grade;;; anyways, because of all that, and finding Onision, I was obsessed with his UhOhBro channel around 5th grade & took some of his more serious videos related to starvation & self harm to mind and tried it on myself because, despite him having a stone-cold hatred for it, I was a dumb kid and didn’t listen. So yeah, 5th grade I would starve myself or eat very little; 6th grade I kinda stopped but struggled with my clothing choice/identity more; 7th grade I struggled with gender; 8th grade was when an*rexia came back, more severely than ever, but it happened in short bursts over a few months, I also started cutting but very rarely; 9th I was much more happy & settled down just a bit, really figured out who I was; 10th things weren’t exactly the best, cutting came back & began to be more frquent but not deep; 11th was the worst, I’ve now been eating very little ever since school started, first day back wasnt exactly the best & I ended up cutting again for the first time in months moments after I got home.

 A lot more has happened since then and it’s only gotten worse. I don’t know what to do anymore

I don’t mean for any of this to make anybody upset or possibly relapse/get urges themselves when reading all this, I get so sad when I see others struggling too, I always try to help any of my friends or even random people online if they post a vent. I love bein there to support & help, even help get people to come out of serious relapses! But when it comes to myself, I tend to feel no pity, like I deserve this. There’s something wrong with me in my head, this has been gong on for years, every year feels worse than before, and yet everytime Ive gone to my dad, principles, teachers, or school counselors, they never help! They tell me off, saying Im fine, I dont need a therapist because therapists are scammers, or that I just need to be more positive & get over it.

Ive been told this for years, so maybe… it’s just me who’s to blame. Im the only one who sees what’s happening because it’s not really a big deal. I just make it seem wore than it is in my head. I have friends who care & ask if Im okay, ask if they can help, but honestly they cant help. They can support & I’ll vent to them but it doesn’t fix anything, I vent but it doesn’t fix my mind or my empty stomach or my hand reaching for my same used razor. Nothing has helped and I’m worried that after a while Im going to end up killing myself, whether it’s on purpose or it happens on accident when I go too deep. I have a lot I wish to do in my life, but at the same time, with all this shit that’s happened and how my life feels as if it keeps getting worse everyday, I will admit that at this point if I DID die, I guess I wouldn’t be too upset. I am scared of what will happen after death, nobody knows what happens, but I know that I am legally an organ donor, and I do have part of my will typed up in the case that I do die suddenly one day, so I guess it isn’t too bad.

I will be honest, Ive never been exactly suicidal before, but these past 4 months I think I’ve been legitamately suicidal and ready to go whenever I have a breakdown. Everytime I relapse I think of just ending it all right then and there, but then pussy out because I think about my few friends, my followers on other social media, my pets, my plants, and other people I wish to change the lives of in the future. I want to adopt a kid someday and give them what I didn’t get, treat them as I wished to be treated, help them grow up into the person I wish I had by my side growing up. They’d be my child, I’d be their parent, but we’d also be best friends. I wanted to start my own show, my own comic, my own booth at cons, meet so many people, get married, do music, so many things

but honestly, I don’t think I’ll live much longer after my senior year of highschool. I’m planning on finishing this year out, trying to finish my senior year, graduate, then I’ll leave this Earth with a bang. Maybe literally, or maybe through some other way of suicide, I don’t know. I might even do it sometime before I graduate. Not to make people sad, not for attention and pity, but because I can’t continue on like this, and I want the people who’ve wronged me to see what they did. I want those who refused to help, even when I was in front of them screaming & begging them to get me some kind of therapy or help, to see what they caused. I want them to see that I wasn’t just some sensitive crybaby that needed to get over himself, I want them to see that mental illness can run rampant in anybody & they need to be open to helping those who really need it.

 Ive been through so much. Ive been bullied, made fun of by my own mother, neglected by her, pysically/emotionally/mentally/VERBALLY/and even sexually abused by an ex partner of mine, Ive been literally harrassed, Ive been used solely for sex by nearly every single ex of mine, Ive been manipulated/guilt tripped/gas-lighted/made to feel as if my abuse was my fault, Ive been punished by my school for being abused by my ex! Yet everyone who has ever hurt me in these ways always got away with it scott-free. Why? I have no idea. I like to say that they’re let off the hook because I don’t come to school with black eyes, broken bones, bruises, and mascara running down my face. Abuse is abuse, it doesn’t have to have visible signs. Yet, mine does. I have self harm wounds, not because I blame them for making me self harm (as one of my exes once did), but because of trauma I still deal with that stemmed from their treatment of me. I have nightmares about my ex and her treatment toward me. I get SCARED when my mom comes home. I get nervous walking into school. I hate being touhed physically because it reminds me of so many people from the past getting physical and leaving me in the dirt afterward, even when I trusted them with everything. I hate saying I love you to anybody because of how little it means when others say it to me. Many partners would send hearts & “I love you"s, then throw me out like I was garbage.

I’m so tired of it all.

But maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe Im the problem. Im too quiet. Im too much of a pacifist. I hate confrontation. I hate violence. I hate hating people. If Im hurt by someone, even being abused, I always forgive and let them back in, and I get hurt again over and over. But on the rare chance that I dont forgive, when I do hate them with every cell in me, then for some reason, I can’t get them away, I can’t get them out of my life. They’re always around as a constantly reminder of what happened and how I was used and how I will never change, I’ll never be able to stick up for myself.

 if all that is going to happen in my life involves me being used for sex, money, or compliments to make others feel higher about themselves, then I don’t want to be around anymore. But I can’t just kill myself on a whim and call it a day.

I wouldn’t exactly say this is why I self harm, my self harm isn’t a choice, it just… kind of happens. It’s an addiction; scientifically, it has been proven to have addictive tendencies, which is why it’s so hard to stop once you’ve started/relapsed. I self harm because it’s an addiction that I can’t help, and becaue of bottled up, unresolved trauma that gets worse with every new day that I keep it bottled up for.

 This isn’t going to get better. Sorry for typing out so much too. I have an issue with piling all my thoughts and how I feel into multiple huge paragraphs, so there’s much more of that to come.

Also to come, weight updates & keeping track of what I eat/how long I can go with no food whatsoever. So far I’ve gone about 1/ maybe 2??? days straight, though I stayed home today so I did have to eat dinner, which caused me to gain 1 pound. But I lost 4.5 pounds in that day of not eating, so I can lose that 1 pound pretty quickly. Plus my metabolism is very very fast, so even if I did eat a lot I’d lose all that weight in a few hours/a day or two, depending on how much I ate.

This is day 1 of my further decline.

September 01, 2019

[cpmzidqm-blog]

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[bakedpieceofchicken]

ao3 tag meme

its my blog and im allowed to run it like the anxiety-ridden coward i am...

tagged by @waxwingedhawks 

Ao3 account: lemondropped (if you go look for it, theres 0 works attached. you can still find my bad apple series though... bleh. thanks, i hate it. despite it being the most popular thing ive ever written)

Current Writing Summary:

Current word count for the year:  68252

Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to ao3: 26 

Fandoms I wrote for: 9

Pairings I have written for:

Background pairings? Tododeku, Bakushima, Tsuchako, Shigadabi 

Main pairings? Dabihawks, Shigahawks, Shigadabihawks (oh, there’s a pattern, isn’t there?)

Story with the most kudos: Bad apple, regrettably

Story with the most bookmarks / Story with the most subscriptions: I’ll find you sooner than the stars, more regrettably (people wanna know what comes next? why?!)

Story I’m most proud of: shitty dad club (its the one fic i can say i have no problems with despite having written it like 4-5 months ago.....)

What’s ahead: 

- family dinner reunion future fic  

- hotwings music festival AU ft. league of villains (was written for day 2 quirkless dabihawks week 2k19, want to put a lot of care into it. i have no idea if ill get hate for associating myself with this fic cause someone out there might have a problem with it but eh i guess ill just have to post it when finished and see.)

- shigahawks childhood friends AU (i have like 4k words written so far? its more canon divergence than actual AU but im taking my time with it. whether its any good or not is anybody’s guess)

- the second half of supreme art of war...................................... camera pans into my face if i ever told you i had any idea what i was doing, it was all a fucking lie. Also the first half needs to be renovated/edited to be like... better. it feels a little unpolished and even at the time of writing that first chapter, i was perfectly aware how OOC the last part was but also i’m getting a little better at writing shigaraki because this man somehow sneaks his way into all my fics now... anyways...

- i started working on this pro heroes interact with Hawks story but idk if i’ll ever finish it lol. i think im like 4/9 pro-heroes done? there’s a +1 too (is this story format dead? who knows, ah whatever im still doing it)

- fuyumi fic thats getting finished at the pace of a snail. im putting a lot of care and effort into it, is all. probably will turn out boring but eh :) that’s the risk you gotta take when writing fanfiction

- chapter 4 of ill find you sooner than the stars? here (i made this a couple of weeks ago):

i probably... need to go back... and edit this one too.... to be less edgy................. or maybe i should just embrace the edginess. become self aware. like dont half-ass the edginess, go all the way in. deliver the edgy angst story everyone wants me to!!!! ahahaha starts coughing i can’t believe im associating myself with this piece of hot garbage that people apparently like. nobody cares but im definitely going to shift the story (assuming i continue it) to monoma and shinsou because im kinda sick of deku and the deku POV probably doesnt serve the narrative too well in the long run. amazing, 10/10 bakedpieceofchicken, youre hot edgy deku trash we all know now :eyes: 

ill tag @izdekumidoriya (have u done it already? i have no idea! sorry for making you look at this lol... hopefully u just scanned it instead of actually reading what i put down), @tsvchakos (if youre seeing this, it means i got over my anxiety to post this! woo!!!!), and uh... im not feeling particularly brave enough to tag more mutuals (knowing they have to see this post...) so i’ll leave it at that. if you want to do it, go ahead. you can say i tagged you too :>

[freshberries]

lmao could you answer all the questions for that comfort character meme for david alleyne? pls

Of course! I love my baby a whole lot

1. how long have i known about them

I first read YA towards the end of 2016/beginning of 2017 so uhhh I’ll say 2 years? Since YA was the first comic I’ve ever read and he was in vol 2 obviously.

2. whether or not they’ve ever made me cry

out of joy. because he’s beautiful. and has a great heart. and i love him.

3. whether or not i have any merchandise/objects with them

I own comics from the new mutants series he originated from, and I have one of the arcs he’s a main character in

4. what about their personality i like

oh my GOD where do I start. So he’s like dorky but in an adorable way and genuinely SMART like despite his power he works really hard to learn things and he LOVES HIS FAMILY SO MUCH IM GONNA CRY. He’s over 6 foot and he acts like someone who is 6 foot would act except its not obnoxious. Like he CARES SO MUCH AND IS SO SELFLESS AND HAS THIS BEAUTIFULLY WARM ENERGY TO HIM LIKE HE SMILES AND WEARS SHORT SLEEVES AND MY HEART IS MELTING ugh god I’m embarrassing myself I’m gonna stop.

5. what about their backstory makes me emotional

He loves his family so much and he had a whole life planned out ahead of him and he like. Didn’t go to his dream college. And because of his power he felt constantly set back in his education and worked hard and studied until his power didn’t make a difference because he genuinely cares so deeply IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

6. the moment of theirs that made me the saddest

I think that moment he’s talking to patrinot and he just kinda realizes that he’s going to become patrinot and be a pawn to fate in order to ensure that Billy becomes a god and he just. Accepts it. Because Patrinot truly is the opposite of everything David really is and stands for, and to just take in stride this information is just so. David. And to know what will become of his goodness is just inherently heartbreaking.

7. the moment of theirs that made me the happiest

I think that moment in original sins where David admits he outsmarted everyone in a way that wasn’t harmful to anyone really so he could learn more on how to save people. It just was really great to see how smart David is and how instead of being a mad scientist stereotype, all of his deeds that require his brain just show his inherent goodness and desire to help others.

8. something about them that made me laugh

Sometimes he’s so cutely dorky about things he’s curious about it makes me laugh. Like in original sins when he was upset he couldn’t hang out on Noh Varr’s ship because he thought it was cool, my heart felt like it was gonna burst out of love.

9. my favorite canon outfit of theirs

HE LOOKS SO COMFORTABLE AND SOFT!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!

10. my favorite moment with them in canon

In all honestly? The panel where he says he’s bi. Everything around that scene is mostly garbage but like, the fact that he said the words “I’m bi” always gets me excited whenever i do a reread of ya. It also makes me think of all the moments since he realized he was bi before he said it out loud, where he was coming to terms with his sexuality and how he’s come to accept himself. It makes me really proud of him and how far he’s come.

11. my favorite relationship they have with another character

Okay we all know I’m the biggest thinkfast loser on the planet, like I don’t even think there are words to properly describe how much I love their dynamic, but his friendships with America and his fellow x kids.....are so valuable and basically they have rights.

12. what i like about the way the fandom portrays them

I like it when he’s snarky, or when he’s described as like, the only person with his shit together, cause like he doesn’t have his shit together but I’m sure he’d like people to think he’s not a lowkey mess.

13. what i dont like about the way the fandom portrays them

People that think David is some sort of predator for kissing Teddy.....I won’t even get into it it’s just obviously wrong and it gets me so angry

14. what i liked about the way canon portrayed them

I like that he has this good relationship with his little sister. Kim and David are such good siblings and we never get to see them interact anymore.

15. what i dont like about the way canon portrayed them

Okay listen: I’ll stand by the fact that David realistically would’ve never kissed Teddy because the only times David has ever gotten involved in relationship drama was when others started it and dragged him into it, but regardless of that, I genuinely do not think Teddy is David’s type, like Teddy is basically the opposite of Nori and you know what I have a problem with it. You gonna make David make a bad decision because you can’t write realistic drama then AT LEAST have it be with a character that he would typically LIKE. This isn’t the most important part of the whole David Teddy drama but you know what I’ve said everything else before I might as well say something new

comfort character ask meme

[uiruu]

serieses i have been thinking of getting into:

Mob Psycho 100 is kinda a given, ive watched 3 episodes and altho theres a second season coming, that would only double the amount of episodes from like 12 to 24. so like yeah, but its not long and i want a long thing

Berserk is a big one, i’ll probably read the manga cause it looks like its drawn gorgeously

Yu Yu Hakusho is another big one, i read bits and pieces when i used to get shonen jump magazines in the mail lmao (does anyone else remember getting those), and i never thought it’d be for me......... until my life was changed by hunter x hunter haha. now i know a lot more about the history of yu yu hakusho, i know that togashi struggled and ended it, in his own words, “because of my own selfishness” because his mental and physical health were suffering too much, and idk theres something about that that makes me wanna check it out and pay tribute and honor one of my favorite author’s hard work. show that we’re happy he is taking care of himself but we also appreciate him lmao idk. i also have heard more that it has characterization on a similar level to what he would go on to do in hxh, which is huge for me. i might check it out

another is Hunter x Hunter itself haha, ive obviously seen it all and i just read the manga from the end of the anime until i was caught up, but i might wanna start over and read it all in the manga, find the differences between it and the 2011 anime. i also wanna watch the 1999 anime maybe

then Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure which i’m already into, obviously, but i’m really only caught up to the anime. i read ahead at one point, but that was a while ago, and at this point im only like one chapter into the grateful dead arc, which is probably gonna be in this week’s anime episode, so i’m not really far ahead at all. and that’s the thing!!! ugh.... should i read ahead in part 5? i love the anime so much, the sound and visuals are so consistently good... idk.... i’m conflicted as to whether i should read part 5 in the manga or if i should wait for each anime episode, and instead maybe skip to part 6 in the manga? i know that part 6 really doesnt connect to part 5 at all. or maybe part 7? or 8 and i’ll try to get caught up so i can read new chapters every month? or maybe i’ll start from the beginning and work my way up and by the time i get to part 5 in the manga im sure the anime adaptation will be finished lol..... idk..... the two im feeling the most are 1. just read ahead in part 5, or 2. read part 6. i got into jojo with my boyfriend and idk if theyre gonna read the part 5 manga and idk if i wanna know too much they dont (tho i think i already do cause of wikis lollllll), they said they dont mind but idk. they’re rereading/rewatching part 4 because that’s their favorite part (and mine too at the moment) but yeah.

i know Revolutionary Girl Utena is good, i know its like lesbian and tackled social issues and shit, i might try that

and like other classics ive never seen like Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, idk.... im not as into those bc tbh even though theyre so popular, i just havent seen much to really grab me haha. 

i might try to finish the Soul Eater manga cause i was into that in high school and i never finished it, all i remember is that they were going to the moon, and i remember being hyped for that, and it ended not long after, but i never actually finished it lol. its probably not something that i’d still like, i dont think i’d get into pulpy serieses anymore, like... but nostalgia, man, nostalgia

that’s the thing though. Boku no My Hero Academia isnt on this list because im not really interested. it seems fine, it seems fun, but eh. i would have been into it in middle or high school i think, like, and it would have been way better than the shit i did get into then, like garbage fairy tail haha. easily. i would have loved bnha in high school. but idk its just not really what im looking for rn. i want some stuff i can sink my teeth into.... idk.... but i dont want things that are just edgy and dark completely, i mean i just want a little more than just friendship battles and standard shonen. idk. again i know that probably would exclude soul eater, but im already into that series somewhat, and i dont think i can add any new ones like that to my roster haha. also jojo’s story isnt particularly complex, at least not until part 7 and 8 from what i hear, but its just so unique and artistic and special and weird and all that. its different. 

if anyone has any others lmk!!!!!! sorry this was long lol

[kingloptr]

I was tagged by the lovely @seidrade !! \o/ Thank u ohmg this was so fun ~

1. Ultimate OTP — Yeah it’s gotta be thorki. I haven’t ever stuck around and continuously produced content, meta, textposts and fic for any other ship for this long or this much before. Sure there are things I’ve shipped for literally like a decade longer, but thorki is just so versatile and i still feel like there’s no getting truly tired of it ~

2. A ship you’ll always love — Sora/Riku from Kingdom Hearts :3

3. Your current obsession — im not rlly obsessing over anything atm! wellllll not visibly....but for the past couple years ive not been talking about it AT ALL to anyone but i’ve put a lot of brain energy and hardcore self-projecting/venting into a private kinda neverending fic ive been writing about Izaya and Masaomi from Durarara. it’s rlly fucked up and problematic lol holy shit. but that fic has become like a brain garbage diary and i reread parts of it constantly, still adding to it when i need it, and I’ve thought about it at least once a day for like 3 or 4 years now. anyways i’m 99.5% sure it’s never seeing the light of day so dont ask haha. If another shipper wanted to talk to me about their dynamic and stuff tho i wouldnt mind that! As long as you’re not an anti who’s gonna yell at me for how fucked up this ship can be. i’ve never been active in the DRRR fandom, just a lurker and Izaya fiend/stalker >_<

4. A ship you never thought you’d like — i hardly have this issue. i just know myself rlly well and am very predictable to myself so this doesn’t exactly happen to me >_>. I might at first not be paying attention to the ship and then in hits me very suddenly, but i basically never look at a ship and say ‘i won’t like that’ then later end up changing my mind ~ I mean well...maybe IronStrange counts for this. I didn’t start off even thinking about it and I thought I didn’t get their chemistry in that way, but seeing other ppl ship it continues to make me like hmmmm i’m kinda feelin it

5. A ship you liked but don’t anymore — johnlock. kinda dont think i need to say more lol

6. A ship you think should be canon — Stucky. I mean. Seriously?

7. A canon ship you hate — Ten/rose from Doctor Who. sorry i know this is like a crime in some circles lmao but. i just. even though the doctor is still legit one of my fav characters from anything, i just do not like rose

8. A ship you’ve shipped for years — Allen/Kanda from D Grayman :)

9. A ship everyone loves but you don’t care about — ? idk? sometimes stony is cute and ill like a post here and there but i don’t think i even comprehend how big that ship is ~ im just extra extra neutral on it tho. like yeah dads of the avengers etc but i don’t.....s HI P....? like. there’s so many more interesting or dynamic things they could be doing with characters other than each other lol

10. Favorite rare-pair — ????? hhhhhh uhhhhh ThunderShield is all I can think of rn! ThunderIron too. And I think most people are either thorki or theyre frostiron no inbetween, but I ot3 thunderfrostiron still lol and there’s barely any content or posts on it that i don’t make myself D:

[haeroniel-doliet]

Ok but genuinely? Genuinely what the Fuck is Up with tumblrs tagging system???? I realize its basically a joke at this point and i cant expect it to fix it self but.

Ive made two unique tags for my art right??? "#Haeroniel draws" for everything and "#Haeroniels 2021 inktober" bc idk this is how it used to work?? You'd make an art tag and link it on your blog and everyone can find your art in one convenient place/all is archived for you! But for the life of me all my posts wont show up in those tags.

Right now i think if i look up the inktober tag on my blog all 4 posts show up which is fine. Look tumblr wide? Only 3 show up if youre lucky (and not the one with most notes mind u!!!) Looking up my art tag on my blog shows some and the tumblr wide even less? Like for the most part both have my two most successful posts, and they might have the two most recent (yeah thats it for all not inktober related, im such a poster lmao) but then even if theyre all tagged very similarly, only 1 or maybe 2 posts for inktober show up?

Ughhhhhh. Makes me kind of understand why people have pinned masterposts now. Like im sorry but ive been here long enough that i thought it was just a weird carryover from newer social media like the tag lists and thought nah thats silly i dont want that. But now?? I cant even look up my own tags for myself to see my own art reliably archived.... And thats VERY frustrating, and yea i currently dont have my art tag linked bc havent set up my desktop page etc in a while but? How is anyone who might care even a little bit supposed to see my stuff?

The inktobers are some beasts of posts i will grant that, like 5 images top to bottom and description for all and then a bunch of tags? Its a lot! I know it is. But i wanna finish the lot bc im so close (minus a few that just need refining, i only have 4/10 of the ones left not drawn!!) And thanks to some suggestion i am considering maybe maybe maybe posting the last 10 (or at least 5/10) as individual posts rather than a big cluster. Itd feel nice to populate my art tag w more posts! Maybe give them a fighting chance to get reblogged bc its less of a threshold than reblogging 5 very different concepts all together. ToBut then again. If barely any show up with the sparse amount i have now? Is it worth it?

Also i just. Suddenly feel awful using all the tags i do on my posts to be seen, like tagging it /dinluke/skydalorian/din djarin/luke skywalker/star wars/the mandalorian/etc... Bc idk? I feel like most people would follow all the above tags, and what if me posting my shit in all of them is annoying bc then even if you mildly liked my stuff, seeing it over and over makes you hate it? Like im intruding all at once in a lot of spaces with super cool artists....

And like, i knoooow that notes arent everything and i should learn to post again just bc i like what ive done, wanna share and archive it. But doing something i like and i thought others would too? And it doing really badly? Uh. Stings! Makes me feel like ive fucked up posting it and shouldnt. Feels selfish and obnoxious to post more, to demand more attention to my garbage content

Im letting my brain get mean where it doesnt need to....

Anyway... If you've happened to read this (im sorry but thank you!) Pls like, let me know in reply or anon ask or smth if im completely over thinking it and should just, post more (i.e. post the inktobers when theyre done individually, rather than trying to make up the whole batch before posting them as those hunks of post that dont do very well) And also, if maybe i should make one of those pinned masterposts? Like even just to have for myself/anyone new who clicks on my blog (under a read more bc long unavoidable posts suck), where i link individually everything i post on top of the tags i already have?

Thank u kind souls who care about me even a lil bit in the tumblr void <3 <3 <3<3

[folkiefruit]

alright im pissed about something that happened at work today so if you dont like rants you might wanna keep scrolling

so today (mother’s day) these two women, a mother and daughter, came into the store I work at. The daughter was probably in her 40s, mom was maybe 70 something. 

And this fucking woman (the daughter) was unbelievably rude to her mom. Telling her what she can and can’t buy. Telling her the clothes she liked were ugly. Basically bossing her around, demeaning her, humiliating her. It was probably bad enough to call it verbal abuse (and I think it was the mother’s own money that the daughter wouldn’t let her spend, so financial abuse as well)

and the worst part is I couldn’t do a single fucking thing about it. If I hadn’t been at work I would have gone fucking wild. Like the mother didn’t do ANYTHING mean, and her daughter is sitting here undermining all of her decisions, speaking condescendingly, rolling her eyes when her mom spoke, making a huge scene to embarrass this poor woman

My manager said she thought that the mom might have had alzheimer’s, which, at least in my opinion, makes the daughter’s behavior even worse. You can’t fucking treat people like that. I don’t care what your relationship to them is, I don’t care if they are disabled, if they arent purposefully hurting you or anyone else, DONT BE FUCKING RUDE.

I felt so freaking bad for the mother and I really wish I couldve done something. Also? There were other customers in the store that saw the whole thing and didnt say a word.

So basically I want to say two things: 

1. just be nice to people. Especially in public. Like I argue with my mom sometimes, sure, but I would never say the things this woman said, and especially not when there are a bunch of strangers around watching. 

2. if youre a customer somewhere and see that kind of thing happening, PLEASE speak up, because the workers usually cant. (If I had any authority I would have thrown the woman out.)

I get that confrontation is hard, and nobody wants to get in the middle of that situation. But if no one steps up, it keeps happening. Suck it up and stand up for people that need it

(also happy mother’s day to all the moms out there with kids that treat them like garbage. You deserve better)

[selkienicke]

A running list of hockeys i now apparently have opinions about. Free me.

1. Alex Ovechkin: i dont care??? i want to stand on a box and hug his huge hockey body?? 2 foot vertical leap. named his dog after himself, has multiple tramp stamps and wears his mom's jersey number + (usually) booty shorts. 2. Nicklas Bäckström: relatable. a big weird cat in a wolf body. hates cameras and talking about himself, loves passing and being a huge perfectionist. fire sign sea creature. same. 3. Tyler Seguin: absolute garbage rat. i love him. gerry is the best doggo in the world other than my own doggo. self destructive streak 800 miles wide. hat trick: labradors 4. Jamie Benn: i dont care about him but Tyler does and i want the best for my little king trash son. (i lied i care about him a little. CHUBBS. i absolutely cannot handle that he has a massive tattoo of his own name. that time? that he was talking about his brother like? being traded? and trying to be professional? anyway) 5. Braden Holtby: this one snuck up on me a lil. my initial reaction was Too Handsome, do not care, but?? braden holtby has the longsuffering aura of a desert martyr cult leader. combined with his absolutely weird-relatable goalie rituals (notably: dramatic waterfall hair + the time i saw him do a full frontal split for warmups), his bizarrely zen energy, his Absolute Canadian Soft Boy interview persona, and those gifs of him at pride, i guess i love him now??? honestly he might even be 2 on this list but im lowkey in denial about it 6. André Burakovsky: the softest smol boy. everything w him and nicke is adorable, as is that video where bura kissed the puppy 7. Kevin Fiala: he is small and needs many hug 8. Marc-Andre Fleury: weirdly, pretty much the only one who this is bc I saw him play and was like....whoa. Also ?? Nickname flower??? Adorable. (i say weirdly but yk, my personality). apparently has a Rep for being inconsistent which is a mood. seen some actually clever chirps from him which is rare enough heaven knows. 9. Sidney Crosby: i hate him but hes a good player i guess. plays w geno. idk!!! i cant help it, i love good lines even when they are playing for the penguins and therefore objectively evil 10. Evgeni Malkin: i mean ??? he escaped??? from a training camp??? to go play for a team he idolized??? interesting rangy boy. frenemies w ovi which is a mood. bad taste but i still love him. 11. T.J. Oshie: a small pug dog ready to defend his bordeauxdog friend tom wilson 12. Tom Wilson: he is in the bad boy box of my heart right now for getting his dumb big dog ass suspended for 3 games. that video where he’s playing with a kid and clearly trying to be gentle and still manages to knock the kid over (dw, braden holtby slides in w a save and makes sure the child does not fall). 13. Alex Semin: ugh too much. a pisces. i need to dig up his old stuff to watch + be sad over 14. a bunch of the sharks bc they are hufflepirate's team so we've been watching them together (SWEET INFANTS Meier and Hertl, Vlasic has good doggos and good defense, love me a good goalie so Jones, Burns for obvious reasons) 15. sort of maybe Price and Subban too, but I haven't gotten around to watching them play bc I'm too exhausted from stress after caps to watch predators. I do love weird goalies tho, and Price is by all accounts In The Mix weirdness wise. 16. Gabriel Landeskog and Shayne Gostisbehere for dog reasons 17. Hilary Knight: (bonus mention). only part of this list I am not deeply ashamed about