#reckless behaviors

[la-principessa-nuova]

So, uhhhh… this post started as a fun little post about all the progress i made in a year and then i like unlocked a bunch of memories of how bad it actually was, and…

yeah, this is extremely heavy stuff. i’ve added some tags for trigger/content warnings, let me know if you think I should add others.

and I’m putting it below a fold.

it’s so weird that like this time last year:

i felt stuck in a job i hated

i was scrolling through dating apps listed as a cis guy feeling like i could never be the guy any of them wanted and none of them were who i wanted either when i really thought about the dynamics of a relationship longterm

i was starting to watch some stuff about trans people with this feeling like 😬 if anyone sees i’m watching this need to have an excuse bc nobody knows i’ve had these thoughts for all these years

i’d occasionally stop and consider whether it’s possible i’m a woman or if i’m nonbinary but always concluded that it made no sense for me to transition even though I’m 100% definitely not a man

no friends i was actively talking to online of offline

very depressed

the heaviest i’ve ever been and feeling awful about it, knowing i have medical issues from it that i feel guilty about not taking seriously

my grandfather who i’d been regularly going to see for a while had just died

my other grandfather’s dementia was just starting to get really bad

the only joy i really had was disconnecting from my own thoughts by binge watching the existing seasons of dimension 20

idk how much detail i want to get into but like very dark thoughts about like what if this horrible thing happened and then i had an excuse to just start over in another state with a new life and not feel guilty about leaving people behind

the only way i did not slip into alcoholism is the fact that i don’t drink so that first step to start was a big enough barrier to stop me. most nights i looked at the drawer of alcoholic drinks left over from the last family gathering i hosted and thought about opening it up.

i had kitkats that technically have a very small amount of alcohol in them and kept just eating a lot of them as like a proxy for actual drinking that luckily wouldn’t have any actual effect

i had always felt immune from suicidal ideation because just the way I view emotions and things just doesn’t make it seem like it would ever be what I’d choose, even in an extreme situation, but I could definitely feel some gears starting to click into place like, “Ohhh, this is how I’d justify it to myself. This is what it would take for me to get there.”

frequently just thinking around the subject of it and then just laying down in bed and crying and watching stand up comedy on YouTube to distract myself

Well, that got way darker than I had initially remembered it. But the good news is I’m in a much better place. Still very much a work in progress but:

Back to my previous job that is completely fine and I sometimes even get a little excited about

Kind of given up on dating for now while I work on myself but like amenable to the idea of especially a long distance relationship, and now I get what i want in a relationship because I understand the inherently queer nature of it

I’m no longer kidding myself about being trans. I don’t have all the answers, but I know where I’m at and I’m over 4 months on HRT now and I think just about reaching cis ranges for estrogen and testosterone? (I was getting close at my 3 month checkup)

I have so many new friends online and just met one in person for the first time!

lost a good amount of weight and continuing to do so for health reasons, but also feeling much better about it now that I understand how much of what I thought was insecurity about my weight was gender dysphoria I was misplacing

my grandfather is still dead and the other one is still declining cognitively, so unfortunately no change there but the initial sting is over

struggling to even keep up to date with D20, but kind of in a good way because back then I had to watch it because I couldn’t sit with my thoughts and needed it as a proxy for human connection.

and everything else there I completely forgot was going on until I typed it up just now!

now i need to go get ready for therapy and have lunch 😊

[incorrectoccontent]

UPDATE

Vet: I’m going to take you out.

Villainess: Great! It’s a date!

Vet: I meant that as a threat.

Hero: I’m gonna take you out.

Villainess: Great! It’s a date!

Hero: I meant that as a threat.

[spirit-meets-the-b0ne]

To Serve the Queen

Pretending this was episode 2x07 don’t wake me up

[entranova]

Dang. Finn has been fully messed up since Jake died, hasn't he?

Like the way he's all "let's go on an adventure!!" and " it's no probs, I love fixing people :D" like s i r...

[bellabrady]

incorrect buddie quotes 52/?

[shannonsketches]

[gymleaderwally]

luckiest guy on the planet, I sure hope this doesn't cause him problems later (it will)

[nimbusclan]

Moon 3, Part 2

[Previous] [Start] [Next]

Without a second of hesitation, Moonpaw takes off over the mountain, mouth open to follow Fogpaw’s scent as her paws fly over the rocks. Her legs are screaming, but adrenaline overpowers her exhaustion.

“Fogpaw?” She yowls. “Fogpaw!”

“I’m here.” Fogpaw’s voice sounds from somewhere nearby, strained but blessedly alive. Moonpaw turns in the direction of the sound and darts around the edge of an outcropping of rock, freezing as the sour scent of blood fills her nostrils.

“Fogpaw?”

“I told you, I’m right here,” He hisses. He’s half on the ground, struggling to pull himself to his paws, so Moonpaw goes to press her body to his to help him up. His pale fur is stained and streaked with blood from long gashes that mar his flank and there are clumps of fur stuck between his claws.

“What happened to you?” Moonpaw is terrified. The scent of blood reminds her of her last night at home and she struggles not to gag. “It smells like other cats.”

“It was other cats,” he spits, leaning heavily on her as she guides them back towards where she first spotted the rabbit. He limps, wincing with each step. “Remember those cats we met up with at the border? They’re using our hunting grounds.” Fogpaw’s voice shakes with anger. “I confronted them, but they said we don’t have a clan anymore which means that the territory is theirs. They said that if I tried to stop them, they’d make me pay. Well,” he laughs humorlessly, “I tried, but there were too many of them. I’m lucky that what little honor they have left was enough to stop them from killing me.”

Thank StarClan. She can’t lose her brother, too. He’s the only thing she has left. “You’re too reckless,” Moonpaw scolds. Fogpaw’s muzzle twists into a scowl, but he doesn’t deny it. “We have to leave, Fogpaw. We need to find somewhere new. We can rebuild NimbusClan, but it can’t be here.”

He looks at her, his eyes going wide and round. Slowly, a determined sheen comes over them. “Alright. Lead the way, Moonpaw.”

[Previous] [Start] [Next]

[jawz]

i saw the tv glow is legitimately one of the stupidest, most tryhard movies i've ever seen in my entire life. absolute dogshit. and everyone is pretending it's the most lifechanging thing they've ever seen LOL give me a break! the gall to claim this is inspired by fucking DAVID LYNCH??? i can't

[howlerbat]

The Walrus crew early season 3 dynamic is perhaps my favorite in the show. You have depressed Flint with his thinly veiled suicide attempts. You have concerned Silver who has to tell him to maybe stop trying?? to get murdered??? And then you have Billy who’s all like hell yeah captain, lead that raid, those colonial regulars got nothing on you! *hands him a sword to fall onto*

[clownakai]

Today’s a pleasant Saturday, and after having a good laugh at the "The reviews are in" post, I thought I’d dive into an intersting theory about the possible connection between Gin and Mary :)

Shared Phrases (?) Both Gin and Mary are the only characters to say, “It’s like encountering a demon in the darkness.” Similarly, Tsutomu and Shuichi are the only ones who’ve said, “The fault is 50/50.” I mean.. it's pretty obivious from just here already.

Appearance In terms of appearance, Mary, Sera, Akai, and Gin share two notable features: green eyes and distinct lines under their lower eyelids. Mary also has platinum hair, much like Gin’s.

Mary’s shrinking instead of being killed Mary’s shrinking, rather than being executed by BO, is particularly strange. After all, BO is notorious for ruthless efficiency—why use APTX 4869 instead of simply shooting her? The idea of sparing an enemy with a “golden medicine” that took years of research feels uncharacteristically merciful for BO. Their usual motto of “leave no trace” makes this decision seem odd and deliberate.

The boss’s decision to let Mary live seems to be a carefully calculated trap. It’s confirmed that Sherry’s mother and Mary are biological sisters (as the author has stated that Akai and Sherry are cousins). This means Mary and Sherry share familial genes as aunt and niece, making their bodies react similarly to the drug. I believe Gin may have known early on that Sherry was alive and was aware of Kudo's survival as well. Therefore, Gin and the boss know that Mary will survive this drug as well. Gin likely hinted this to the boss and orchestrated events to leave Mary alive. Why? They will use Mary as a bait to retrieve the antidote.

If BO were to capture Sherry, she’d likely refuse to cooperate. If they killed her, they’d lose their only chance at the antidote. Raising Sherry, funding her studies abroad, and investing years in her research suggests how vital she is to the boss’s plans. Killing Kudo would also be out of the question—Sherry’s guilt over Kudo’s predicament is what drives her to work on the antidote. If Kudo were killed, Sherry might even commit suicide, leaving BO without their much needed antiodote.

Mary’s shrinking seems to be a part of the boss’s larger scheme to manipulate Sherry. By targeting Mary, someone closely tied to Sherry and the silver bullet Akai, the boss ensures that all roads lead back to Sherry. This clever and cost-effective strategy leverages Mary’s condition to force Sherry’s hand, ensuring she stays within BO’s reach. In the process, it draws in powerful agencies like the FBI, CIA, and MI6, all of whom may unwittingly aid the boss’s agenda. In the end, the trap wasn’t just for Mary—it was a strategic move to draw out Sherry and secure BO’s ultimate goal: the antidote. This theory further supports the idea that Mary and Gin might be related, potentially as mother and son. Otherwise she wouldn't have been alive until now.

Hello anon! Just so you know this was a delightful surprise to find in my inbox today :3 I think I reread the whole thing like four times before even thinking of doing anything else djsjfsk I love theories so much💥💥💥

(Everything else is under the cut because I ended up yapping too much. I'm so sorry)

I really like this theory, especially since it indirectly covers for the fact that Masumi (partly due to Mary's orders as she's getting more and more impatient) hasn't exactly been subtle in her attempts to get the temporary antidote and has generally been very liberal with the information she has about Conan and Haibara's identities, talking about it in public and even getting overheard (granted, Subaru isn't the issue here, and it's not a guarantee that she's being tailed 24/7 as that would be a bit of a hassle to keep up, but still). One would think that they'd have been found out by now, given that the BO is now fully certain of Masumi's existence and relations (Vermouth on the Mystery Train my beloved & beloathed... Girl why r u so evil) and, as minimal as it is, she does represent a threat, but nothing has happened to either of them yet.

I do think that the point about the BO's decision to use the poison is a little shaky, seeing as it's been explicitly stated to leave no trace on the body— which actually fits pretty well with their motto, and we do glimpse a pretty long list of people it's been used on a few times throughout the manga (we only see a few names, but it's speculated to be much longer than what is shown), so it would seem that the BO has been using it semi-regularly when they wanted more down-low executions.

There was also no guarantee that Mary would react the same way to the APTX even with a possible genetic advantage observed in Shiho (and without knowing exactly what they were looking for, I'm fairly sure trying to compare the two's DNA in order to confirm their theory would be really difficult if not outright impossible in such a short timespan, and that's if you don't consider the absence of the person who knows the most about the APTX in the first place and could have sped things up if she was there). <- sidenote: I feel like I may have misread this point of the theory, so my interpretation and objection could be completely off bc it's not what you were talking about djsnfns

That said, I find the point about ensuring a direct line to Sherry through familial relations very interesting, in the sense that it made me stop and ask myself how she would react upon finding out that she has more living family still, but over half of them are people who she may see as having caused her grief/major discomfort at best. Would her wish to connect to her family be stronger than her self-preservation (along with the fact that she doesn't really know these people and therefore has no emotional attachment to them, not even as abstract idealized family)? I'm genuinely not sure, but the BO banking on this, possibly because having essentially groomed her they know her weaknesses best, is very juicy.

Honestly, thanks to that post (and a few delightful conversations about it), I do think that making Mary and Gin related in some way would be like. Really really funny. It'd also probably piss off a lot of people, but it'd be so funny.

And, given Gosho's magic retconning powers, I have come to the conclusion that Gin being Elena and Mary's brother that nobody ever talks about for some reason would be peak comedy. It even gives the whole "Elena and her husband received an offer they couldn't say no to because it'd let them continue their research" thing a new layer of context if you consider that Gin may have been the one who brought them to the Boss's attention.

This is also brought to you by my superficial genetics liker ass who says "Tsutomu's hair is brown and Mary's is blond. Brown is a dominant gene while blond is recessive, so unless Tsutomu's genotype was heterozygous (which we unfortunately can't know without the rest of his family tree. Also Gosho only seems to care about genetics from time to time) Gin should also have brown hair".

Also it's infinitely funnier if this is all a very complicated example of what Cain's Instinct looks like. Imagine playing the long game for literal decades because you want your siblings dead but it should also wipe out the rest of the family. Insane

[madfoxx]

Errr. Excuse me but i feel like we should talk more about the fact that IZZY LOSES HIS MOTHERFUCKING LEG SOMEHOW!!!!?????????

[kaurwreck]

I don't know why it's so common to characterize Kunikida's willingness to sacrifice himself for his ideals as suicidality or inevitable. It's so short sighted, and neglectful of the relationship between existence, life, and death profferred by Bungou Stray Dogs.

I came to the decision when I was seven that anything worth devoting myself to must be worth dying for, too. Not because I thought I would inevitably be asked or because I wanted to die (that wouldn't manifest for another two years). But because there are some things that transcend me, and those are the things into which I want to concentrate my immense but nevertheless limited energy, love, time, and will.

I don't know what's difficult to understand about there being some things worth dying for (or that maybe death is an end, rather than the end). But there are (and for some of us, it is).

[townofcadence]

"...."

Artair is seated and quiet, staring at his hands where they lace together over his lap.

That person was right. Forever ago. The one who called him egotistical. He is. He actually thought he was making a difference? What a laughable concept.

They'd all be fine without him. Probably better off. He drew terrible things their way, especially now. And now he knew for sure that was true, having seen the charm dangling from that chain. That thing being here at all, and now the things he knew he'd draw this way... how could he knowingly endanger them?

And the one thing he thought he did that was useful....

....anyone else could do it. He'd seen it. With some he struggled to connect, to really feel like there was something meaningful. And in less time he'd seen connection flourish that he just... couldn't ever seem to reach. So he.... didn't make a difference. And where he did, it wasn't him that made a difference. He was just the first to ask the question. Someone else could do what he did so easily.

And people would, because they were inherently kind. It didn't have to be him. He'd realized that too. He'd always known deep down. Others were looking for connection, and he just offered it first. So... if what he did wasn't special, if anyone could do it and even connect better-- then one of the few things he had thought he was good for he just... wasn't.

He was just selfish enough to think he was special. But why would he be? There were plenty of people in the world who would ask the right questions, and they were better than him in every way. They were people. He was just.....nothing. Nothing but misery in the long run. Self-absorbed enough to start wondering if he was a person when he never fucking was.

And then he hurt everyone with his bullshit. He couldn't fix it. He put down a line and hurt someone and then he couldn't fix it because--- he wasn't good enough and he'd hurt them to begin with. He didn't have the right words to do anything but cause even more pain. And his passive behavior just put other in misfortune's way. What was the point of him? Egotistical enough to think what he did really meant anything in a way it couldn't mean something from anyone else, all the while bringing danger to the door. Foolish enough to think he was good for anything at all, that he was useful and had a reason to exist. Made to be an object, and full of all these feelings, but they were pointlessly his, and he was never going to be more effective than someone who was real.

Artair stands up. He goes and finds his bag and packs it tight. He doesn't really matter so it's fine if he just leaves for a while. He should focus on his job, really throw himself into the search. He'll help people by focusing on cases or anything they need without getting close, and nothing bad will happen to anyone else. He'll feel better if he's doing something that's his responsibility to do. And if he stays away from home and keeps moving, then he won't lure in danger like---- like him, by painting targets on his friends and family's backs. This was better. It was for the best.

If he found them and brought them home, at least he'd have done one good thing.

[chipistrate]

Gregory and Vanessa are both the kind of people to sacrifice themself for each other tbh

3 star fam contemplating how to trap the Mimic and Vanessa is about to offer to lure him in, when Gregory suddenly runs off and quickly returns with the Mimic chasing him like a wild animal and Vanessa and Freddy are like “GREGORY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????”

[tildeathiwillwrite]

June of Doom Day 17

"You don't want to do that." / Struggle / Blackmail / Desperate Measures

Prompts List | Masterpost

Next part ->

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 600

Tag List: @juneofdoom @fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @pigeonwhumps @mr-orion

@scaewolf

CW: unconsciousness, imprisoned, headache, net, stress position, captured, multiple whumpees, blood, knife, reckless behavior, swearing, implied starvation

A/N: It’s Draven-whumping time >:3

Side note: the name "Reprobus" was the original name of the Catholic saint better known as St. Christopher, a holy man in the 13th century abouts who according to legend carried the child Jesus across a raging river. The name means "the reject," hence why I named one of the other prisoners Reprobus.

Okay history lesson over onto the whump.

----------

Draven groaned as he came to, his head pounding as if his skull was being used as a drum. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew he was in a bad spot. From the throbbing in his head, the aching in his neck and limbs, the sensation of ropes against his face… it didn’t take a genius to figure that kind of thing out.

Of course, intuition can only get you so far. Suffice it to say that when he did open his eyes, he was unprepared for exactly how bad of a situation he was in.

For starters, he was entangled in a net.

Suspended in the air.

Over a pit of damned spikes.

He wasn’t the only one, either. Several other nets identical to his hung nearby, all containing their own prisoner. Nobody else appeared to be awake, and from what he could tell, Octavian was not among them. So he’d managed to escape.

Good.

That meant rescue was likely.

The ropes creaked as Draven shifted, trying to get into a sitting position in the net. The entire thing swayed precariously as he moved, but he managed to maneuver himself into a somewhat upright position.

“Oh… hello.”

Draven’s head snapped to his left to find one of the other prisoners staring at him from where he lay limply in his own net. He hadn’t moved initially, so Draven had assumed he was unconscious or asleep. Obviously, he’d guessed incorrectly. The prisoner’s face was gaunt, his eyes sunken and cheekbones prominent in a way that couldn’t be healthy. Unless he wasn’t human, of course, and he just looked like that.

Doubtful.

“Evening,” Draven returned, checking his sleeves, “or morning. Depths if I know. Last I remember it was evening.”

“They lowered you down about two hours ago,” the prisoner said quietly. He lifted a thin finger and traced a spot on his temple. “You were unconscious, bleeding from here.”

As soon as his attention was drawn to it, Draven noticed the stiff, crusty sensation of dried blood on the side of his face. He didn’t remember much from right before waking up here, other than a lot of noise. Shouting, some gunshots, pretty indistinguishable from every other day in Draven’s life. Octavian was also there, of course, but he had a knack for slipping out of most tight situations.

Draven drew one of his small knives hidden inside the sleeves of his duster. “What’s your name?”

The prisoner hesitated. “Why do you ask?”

“I like to know the names of the people I try to save,” Draven said, placing the knife against the coarse fibers of the net close to where the rope attaching it to the ceiling was bound. “I’m Draven.”

“…you don’t want to do that.”

“Do what?”

“Try to escape. They’ll only catch you again and send you right back down.”

Draven sighed through his nose and began sawing through the net. “Well, I know from experience that I’m pretty damn good at escaping. And if I get the rest of you out, we’ll have numbers at least. So what’s your name?”

“…Reprobus.”

“Well, Reprobus, how about you help out by waking up everyone else trapped here while I attempt something stupid, okay?”

“Stupid like…?”

Draven cut through the last few strands, making a hole wide enough for him to crawl through. He put the knife away and reached through the hole, grasping the thick rope. “Like scaling this damn rope.”