#reasons why i struggled keeping a job lolol

[jlrai]

i love sw bcs instead of having a breakdown at work n crying n screaming at everyone i just have a panic attack in my bedroom instead

[cupcakefactory]

Things mc would do for their depressed partner...aka all the rfa! or just saeyoung/saeran :D

Thank you so much for this!! i had a lot of fun writing it for you, i hope you enjoy. Our M/FLs need some love sometimes they can't always be strong!

Wordcount: 1637

Spoilers for Mystic Messenger below.

ZEN: 

It would be very rare for ZEN to get depressed, he was a positive person by nature and even when things got hard a simple run was normally enough to shake those feelings. The only time you could recall seeing ZEN depressed was when he hurt his leg and couldn’t rehearse; and the following actions from Echo girl after. Even then, he cheered up quickly, with help from yourself and Jumin Han.

That being that, it would be rare ZEN was depressed enough to need any assistance from you, but after being rejected from 3 jobs he had auditioned for he was starting to feel down in the dumps.

Cheering ZEN up is simple in some ways and complicated in others. First you need to actually discover he's feeling bad - he is an actor by trade. He doesn’t want to worry his partner with something that he feels is superficial but once you know how he's feeling you can start working on cheering him up. First thing first, you went to the convenience store to pick up his favourite drink and a snack - he normally gravitated towards salads but you brought him something sugary instead. Everyone craves sugar when depressed and Hyun Ryu wasn't the exception. Once you’d shared the treats you went for a run with him - if running isn’t your thing don’t worry, he would go slow for you to help you keep up. Maybe even just walking around your local park if that's all you can manage - he wouldn’t mind or complain. He could see how hard you're trying to cheer him up and that in itself works magic. 

By the time you both get home and collapse on the sofa all his worries are forgotten; another job would come before long. Thanks to your efforts today he learnt that he was the luckiest man alive because he got to have you by his side.

Yoosung Kim: 

Since dating Yoosung you had noticed he had a tendency to worry over things and try to be a hero always. He wouldn’t let you know if he was struggling - just like when he was attacked in mint eye and injured his eye! You had no idea it had happened until the party and you were almost impressed at how easily he hid it. 

Once you spent enough time together you learnt easily how to know when Yoosung was struggling, he had a habit of isolating himself a little and that was the case recently. He was so close to finishing college; and Jumin had told him if he passed with his expected grades he would personally help him open a vet clinic in Rika and Sally's honour. He was stressed and working himself to the bone to prove that he could do it. 

You felt his anxiety from afar when you visited his dorm; you got concerned with Luciel mentioned in passing that he hadn’t been on LOLOL recently - you knew why he was working so hard but it was important to take breaks too! When you arrived, you pulled him away from his work despite his protests and made him share the take out you had brought with you. A simple meal would do him some good, and after that you were able to convince him to play some games with you. 

By the time you both fell asleep next to each other on the sofa, he felt lighter and happier. The exams didn’t feel as looming with you by his side; and if he didn’t get the grades? You would be by his side and that's enough.

Jaehee Kang: 

Jaehee was a strong woman; no one would argue that - ever since she found her step and was able to leave C&R and ask you to be her partner she hadn’t had a reason to feel blue. You were her main help, you made her days better and working by your side was more than a dream come true. 

However, running a new business is hard work. Jaehee was a very talented lady, emails and numbers came easily to her thanks to her years of experience as Jumins assistant. The Cafe normally ran like clockwork; nothing went wrong except for the few times a delivery was late.. Until, multiple employees called in sick and Jaehee came home stressed and tired. She had worked herself to the bone and the only thanks she got was confrontation from the customers. 

You made her a drink when she got in, settling easily next to her on the couch where you let her head fall onto your shoulder. She stayed like that for a while before you stood - walking to the DVD collection in the corner and picking up one of her favourites. Zen's musicals always helped Jaehee after a hard day when she worked for Jumin, she could recount every word from her favourite ones now. Why wouldn’t it be any different working by herself?

After all - she had the best partner she could ask for. Who knew how to help her stay calm and knew what her favourite musical was after all.

Jumin Han: 

Jumin was taught from his childhood that his emotions didn’t matter. People worked tirelessly to try and impress him and get his praise, no one did anything for him simply because they wanted too until you came along. You came to his aid just because you wanted to make things easier for him and to help him smile again. 

That's what he loved about you; how you gave him a reason to feel again. You made his emotions feel more real than ever before. He felt he could be honest with you about all the struggles in his life. Work stress was something he simply shook off but after meeting you? He didn’t bother too anymore - you were his dear partner. He returned home that day tired, his eye bags heavy as he didnt even both greet Elizabeth before collapsing onto the sofa. He didn’t want to worry you but he was tired; more so than he realised. Once you had gave him some time to collect his thoughts you sat by his side, giving him a glass of wine and taking one for yourself if that's what you wished. Jumin would tell you his struggles in time - but right now he appreciated the quiet by your side. 

Your quiet breathing as he lay his head on your chest was more than enough noise to calm his racing mind, make him feel better and make everything make sense. He had never felt so lucky before.

Saeyoung Choi:

Saeyoung hid his depression behind laughter and jokes - you had worked that out quickly in the chatroom; and that had been proven when he came to your aid in the apartment. His jokey demeanour was gone; the sadness in his eyes obvious as he worked and even more so when his brother appeared.

Once everything setted and he had his family back, Saeyoung became more and more like Luciel. He joked all the time, teased everyone around him and this time it wasn’t to cover the hurt in his heart - it was to be himself for the first time in his life. Saeyoung had never been happier - but the rare times he did struggle with depression it wasn’t hard not to spot. He went quiet, isolated in his room until someone; normally you; came to check on him. He didn’t know how to tell you how he felt, he didn’t need to. You’d always be there to give him a drink and a shoulder to cry on. He didn’t want to talk about how he felt, the memories of his past destroying his future. He would simply cry on your shoulder and you'd stay there for him; for ever.

He knew how lucky he was, to get his family back for one but also to get to have you by his side. Someone who understood, who didn’t push too hard when things got hard and someone that would come to his side without a moment's warning. He didn’t need to ask you for help because you would offer it without even thinking - That was one of the things he loved most about you after all. 

Saeran Choi:

Saeran had all but escaped hell by the time he had a moment to process his own feelings. He didn’t really know what it felt like to be depressed because he had never been truly happy not until you came into his life and taught him it was okay to be him, to be human and to feel. 

He struggled with feeling, too caught up in the new found joy life had gifted him by having you at one side and his brother at the other. He had no reason to be depressed - but sometimes at night when everything got quiet and everyone was asleep he couldn’t stop his mind racing through everything in his life. Everything that had happened and everything that could happen. You heard him, every time he woke in a cold sweat and scared; he claimed your love cured him but you knew it couldn’t, this was no fairytale. You wanted to reach out and touch him, gently caress his hair to make him feel better but you wouldn’t not unless he asked for that as you knew your touch could be triggering. Instead, you hummed a gentle melody off you tongue which was able to ground him and make him feel better without the strain physical touch would cause. 

He knew how lucky he was to have picked you as his game tester, he knew that now more than ever - the gentle melody on your lips calming him and luring him back into sleep and away from the horrors his mind created.

If you enjoyed this please check out my masterlist! My requests are always open :D

[zensharks]

rfa love languages

summary: what each of the rfa members’ love languages would be (words of affirmation, qulaity time, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts)

characters: jumin han, zen/hyun ryu, yoosung kim, jaehee kang, 707/saeyoung choi

a/n: as i finish the other routes there may be an updated version to this coming, including v, saeran, and possibly vanderwood :]

warnings: none ^^ 

wc: 1.5k

- - - - - - - - - - -

jumin han

giving and receiving gifts

rich mf-

he’s used to receiving gifts from his father every time he meets with him

whenever jumin sees you he’ll often have picked something up for you - small gifts that show his attentiveness and how much he cares for you

despite opening up to you much more over time he’s still wary with emotions and communication, so he shows his love by paying attention to the things you like ^^

when the two of you are out together he pays very close attention - he’ll pick up on it every time you point out something you like

(he keeps a note for these types of things)

jumin can spend hours (and i mean hours) picking out gifts for you

he often second-guesses whether he has the right idea, although it always seems to work out no matter what he chooses

quality time

jumin’s life is 90 percent work

(much to his dismay)

he’s come to terms with this as a fact, but he has a slight bitterness to this since it limits the amount of time he can spend with you

when you are together, though, his attention is only on you; work takes a backseat 

he understands that he can’t be with you all the time so when he can, he spends the time focusing only on you

you are jumin’s top priority (with elizabeth at a very close second) - even during work hours he’ll check in on you occasionally just to make sure that you’re okay

he also offers to take you on all of his business trips, he secretly feels very guilty about the frequency of these outings 

(maybe not so secretly - when it comes to you he finds it harder to hide his emotions, and he’s still not fully sure why)

zen/hyun ryu 

physical touch

very close to you. very.

this man clings to you like a puppy-

personal space? don’t count on it

(unless you ask ofc)

whether it’s holding your hand while in public, pulling you tight to him while the two of you watch tv, or holding one of his hands over yours as you sit behind him on his bike, zen always likes to be able to feel that you’re with him

when you’re having an off day it’s easy for him to tell, he’ll sit down next to you and hold his hands tightly over yours so as to reassure you that he’ll be there for you in any way he can

soft traces of his fingertips on your hand when the two of you are close :]

zen speaks through touch, saying “i love you” by pulling you into a tight embrace every time he sees you, one of his hands always holding the back of your head close into his neck

but when you hug him first--

he melts into your arms whenever you’re the first to make a move

physical touch is his expression of love, so when you return the gesture he’s reminded how much you care for him  

words of affirmation

calls you pet names alllllll the time

he’s always telling you how proud of you he is and how much he appreciates having you in his life

zen worries that you don’t feel like you deserve him or that you aren’t on the same level as him, so he constantly reassures you that you are the only one he wants 

he still doubts himself often, convincing himself that he’s only offered the opportunities he is because of his looks

reassuring him that he’s valued for many reasons apart from face value is the ultimate comfort for zen

when he’s away at a shoot that he wasn’t able to take you to, you can be sure that zen will be calling you every night that he’s away

he’ll text you telling you to not pick up the phone, just so that he can leave voicemails for you to listen to when you miss him ^^

- - - -

zen’s love languages being both touch and words of affirmation often results in the two of you wrapped up in each other, filling the silence every now and then with quiet whispers of how much you love each other 

yoosung kim 

quality time

he’ll often have you over for days on end, not wanting to let you go

you’re the only person that takes top priority over lolol :>

he’d never make you watch him play unless you asked, yoosung always gives you his undivided attention when you’re together

this man really maximizes the time you spend together

he looks at you when you speak as if he’ll forget your face when you leave

there used to be a hint of worry in his expression as he listened to you, but it faded over time as he realized that you won’t be going anywhere

his face lights up when you show up at his door unannounced, no matter the circumstance yoosung is always glad to take time out of his day to spend it with you

words of affirmation

along with quality time, he feels truly loved when you tell him

maybe not directly, but reminding him that he can trust you and that you’re proud of him makes his face flush like nothing else 

yoosung still doubts himself a lot and struggles with finding a sense of direction, so he feels a great sense of comfort when you reassure him that there’s always time to figure it out 

in all the time you spend together, the space is often filled with these small reminders for each other - yoosung feels most loved through words of affirmation so he does everything he can to return that to you

he’ll often tell you how much he appreciates and values you, you have a huge place in his heart and he needs you to know ^^

jaehee kang

acts of service

jaehee my beloved-

this woman knows work.

she’s familiar with doing tasks for others due to her job

because of her busy schedule and workload, she understands the value of helping others and showing you care through helping and completing small tasks for them 

jaehee bakes for you ehe ^^

if you were to live with jaehee, you would often be welcomed home by your favourite dessert waiting for you

it’s her favourite way of showing love - she knows exactly what you like and finds joy in making small treats for you, knowing that you’ll appreciate it

(seriously, how does she have the time)

unlike professional work, nothing that jaehee does for you tires her

the look of appreciation on your face when you return home makes it all worth it

this doesn’t only apply to her helping you out, though - 

you know that she has a heavy workload, so before she gets home for the night you often choose to complete all the mundane house chores for her (washing the dishes, making the bed, etc etc)

it’s always the same - “you didn’t need to do all this for me, it’s okay”

(she secretly appreciates it though - you can see jaehee’s expression shining underneath a suppressed smile)

she’s used to having all the work be put on her, so having others do tasks for her makes her feel cared for and appreciated - the fact that someone is willing to go out of their way to ease her workload makes jaehee feel important in a way that she’s unfamiliar with

707/saeyoung choi

acts of service

“god seven will protect you!!!!”

need i say more?

seven does the absolute most for you

if he sees you doing anything monotonous or tiresome, he’ll offer to do it for you even if he’s already overwhelmed with his work (“no! nope! nono!! that's my job!”)

he even cleans the house for you ………

occasionally he’ll ask vanderwood to let him clean instead, just so you can know that he did this for you 

the smaller gestures like cleaning and doing house chores aren’t all he does though, seven feels a heavy responsibility over you and is very attentive to your safety and wellbeing

if he feels like something is off, he’ll do whatever he feels necessary to keep you safe, instantly switching his focus to you to make sure that you won’t get hurt

physical touch

extremely clingy

if you were to sit next to him while he’s working, he’d keep his focus on his screen but silently rest a hand on your leg or hug his arm around your shoulder, pulling you nearer to him and smiling at your closeness

seven’s 5’9 ass just envelops you when he hugs you

again, he feels the need to protect you, so even if he doesn’t mean to, he’ll be holding you as tightly as he can to keep you safe

when seven makes a breakthrough in his work or when you tell him about something that made you happy that day, he’ll grab your hands and the biggest smile will show up on his face, as if to tell you how happy he is and how much he loves you without needing to articulate the words

(yes this man is not very good at making sense when he speaks)

physical touch takes some of the pressure off as it doesn’t require him to talk coherently, so he feels like he can really express his emotions without needing to force something out that isn’t genuine

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

thank u very much for reading to the end, i hope u enjoyed ^^ 

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Gang of Secrets!

I'm very late today at writing this because life ;-; You know it's a bigger episode when they start off with a problem. Ladybug doesn't want to detransform so she's desperate to find reasons to remain Ladybug. I love how the entire time, Chat Noir knows something's wrong and wants to get her to talk about what it is, but she just tries to pretend she's fine. If anything, Chat Noir would probably be the best person to talk to considering everything he's dealt with too both with Kagami and his responsibility as Chat! She could mention that she was seeing someone but they broke up because of her secret, and she could tell him how much being the Guardian's having an affect on her. All perfectly well and good without exposing any identities or things like that with questions for details asked. Instead she puts up a front with him and pretends she's okay in front of him and it's just so sad. :/ I understand why she doesn't, probably because she doesn't want him to know how much she's struggling. But ugh my heart hurts for her. Chat: I know where we can go where we won't have to talk! Ladybug: Yes, take me there Chat! *in the theater* Ladybug: You lead me into a trap. I MEAN HE'S NOT WRONG THOUGH! Not many places you can go where it's okay or encouraged to not talk without there being an awkward silence. But that cracked me UP. Also that casual attempt to wrap his arm around her lolol still hasn't give up, I see. I also find it simultaneously hilarious and extremely depressing that Ladybug's ranting like that in the theater because of a romance movie. When your heart is broken, that's probably the last thing you want to be doing. And Chat Noir yanking her down asking that she be quiet 😂 Literally just rants her entire love life out for everyone including Chat to hear in that theater. CHAT NOIR, YOU BETTER BE LISTENING BECAUSE SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ADRIEN HERE "She takes a long time to tell him and stutters and blah blah blah" lol sound familiar, sunshine? If anything please have him recall this later and be like, wait, didn't Ladybug say girls stutter around a guy when she likes him? BAM. Then he's off on his path towards Marinette. I can dream. Ladybug: And how do you know if he loves her? IMPOSSIBLE. Adrien: No, Marinette couldn't possibly be in love with me. *eyetwitch* But at the end of the day. This is Marinette ranting to Adrien about how she had to give up on Adrien and then couldn't make things work with Luka because of her secret. Ooof. And poor Chat having to apologize for everyone because Ladybug's disturbing them XDD THE GIRL SAVES EVERYBODY'S LIVES PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY AND THEY'RE PISSED SHE'S RUINING A MOVIE THEY CAN JUST REWATCH? 😂 She's clearly having a hard time right now, c'mon people! Chat can tell she has a broken heart. This boy is so sweet. He wants her to at least admit that and talk about it so she can feel better but you know, Ladybug's stubborn. I WANT TO GO SWIMMING LET'S GO SWIMMING CHAT, WOO HOOOOOO! Ladybug acting like Chat to hide her pain just like how Chat acts like Chat to hide his pain. YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S FINE. :') It doesn't matter how much pain she's dealing with, those pictures mean too much to her to remove them. x3 Thanks Juleka for showing us how sad Luka is now, that's very helpful. Marinette's been going into the bathroom at school to cry, and then had planned stupid looking glasses to hide her tears so people wouldn't have to know she's cried because wearing a ridiculous pair of glasses that's embarrassing is better than being asked what's wrong. Because the pain I feel for her wasn't already enough. Ugh I adore Trixx. Trixx being the voice of reason when Tikki's not there, trying to help and letting her know that Tikki may need to rest too when she's so upset it doesn't cross her mind. And the tears in her eyes when she apologizes to Tikki for not thinking of her like she should. ;-; SO MUCH PAIN. OH DANG Alya was literally a second away from seeing a detransforming Marinette lol But she did say DETRANSFORMATION or well in the English dub it'll be "Spots

off" I love Rose, she's really sweet. and considerate But she also shouldn't be touching things in others rooms like that. I never liked it when my friends went around my room touching stuff. Also didn't help that a couple of them stole from me... but it's just not a cool thing to do. Would've probably ended up much better had she not had to desperately hide an exposed Miracle Box. But then we wouldn't have had what happens so it's all good c: Marinette saying she doesn't want to be friends with the girls anymore

It hit Alya deep. Everyone else is like *le gasp* but her eyes all shrunken like that, you can tell it really got to her hard.

This entire exchange right here. Alya's glance at her in the first picture is piercing, like I can feel that OOF feeling in my chest when I see it. The new music dramatizes it so well that a lot of people probably didn't pay attention to it the first time around. Can we just appreciate how these animators got all these emotions so right and did such a good job animating everything for us? And those that work on the music too? Everything's so spot on. Marinette's red-rimmed eyes is so well done. "No, it can't end like this!" Awww Alix getting super upset too x3 I honestly think Alix could be the next one.... you know what I mean BUT I'll wait until the end to talk about it. Trixx pulling a Plagg and rescuing Marinette! x3 I seriously love Trixx, I really do. I know the other Kwami's got mad, but if he hadn't done that it would've been disaster, probably. And the episode wouldn't have ended how it did! And Plagg knowing it was Trixx who caused the Eiffel Tower to be all weird xD Why do I get the feeling the relationship between Trixx and Plagg would be like that of Chat Noir and Rena Rouge? And I want to point out, we got 7 whole seconds of Adrien again! Aren't we lucky? The last time we got so little of Adrien in an episode was when we had his parallel episode Lies. I don't think that'll happen this time but I do hope it means more Adrien later on. Ladybug: They're after Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Chat Noir: Okay but remember everybody likes her (so don't go thinking she's a bad person for causing their akumatizations) Yes, I read between the lines. Ladybug being able to get through to Lady Wifi and have her deakumatize herself was absolutely amazing! I know Chloe was the first to fight off being akumatized but once you're akumatized it's obviously extremely hard to break. That says a lot about Alya. "Because you're an incredible friend, Ladybug." One, AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Two, did you notice the little jerk of her head, gesturing to Ladybug like that when she said it?? It's the little details guys that make this so good. 😍 "Chat Noir, nooooo!" Guys, we got our tiny little Marichat scene! It's not actually real, but still! (okay but why do I also get this really weird feeling like something like this may end up being real later?) Alya giving Ladybug that hug 😭 Marinette has such good, supportive friends. I love them all. x.x YES THANK YOU. Alya's finally realizing there are more things going on with her than just boys. One of the things that's always irked me since Chameleon is that any issue Marinette has, be it with Lila or otherwise, she always assumes it has to do with Adrien. Of course, at the time she didn't know she was Ladybug but she should've still listened and realized there's something else up. But now she finally is noticing and I love how she was going to respect her regardless and not push. Pushing has always been one of Alya's characteristics, but she knew whatever it was was something too big and serious to push her on. "Marinette, I'm your best friend, and I always will be." 😭😭😭 This episode brought me so close to tears so many times. Marinette admitting she's keeping secrets, lying to everyone. Admitting that that's why she draws a line between her and Adrien, and why her and Luka didn't work out. Alya saying however heavy it is, they'll carry it together (MY HEART) And then Marinette saying "If I tell you, things between us will never be the same. It's going to destroy everything, change it all." It sounds like this girl is thinking about Chat Blanc and oop there's the sound of my heart breaking again. So much paaaain. "Je suis Ladybug." YESSSSSSS Why they had to leave it off on a cliffhanger But YESSSSSSS First, the expressions she had flash on her face, the gasp 😮, then the expression like she's trying to get her mind to process. Then if you notice, Marinette gives a little nod, as if letting her know that it's true. Then the way her eyebrows furrow and pulls her into the hug as she understands all that she has on her shoulders as that music plays. I'm getting

emotional just writing this. 😭 This episode is just so amazingly good in so many ways, I don't think I can actually cover it all. I'm very impressed. I've loved nearly every episode this show has put out, even those that a lot of people seem to hate. But this one, I don't see how this could actually be hated if you're trying to think of everything that happened from Marinette's point of view, her thoughts, feelings, struggles, depression. I will say, personally I hoped Chat Noir would learn who Ladybug is first. He's been such a good partner, very thoughtful, always putting his life on the line. He's also been dealing with a lot of the same struggles. I felt like he deserved to know first. However, this isn't about who deserves what, it's about what Marinette needs. It's not that she doesn't want to tell him who she is! Don't misunderstand. There are many times throughout the past 3 seasons where she wants to or regrets not being able to. But now, Chat Blanc's in her mind. She knows what could happen if she tells him with Hawk Moth still there, so she can't do it. So instead, she tries to pretend in front of him that she's fine even though talking to him about everything would help and fix so much. In her mind, that's not an option. I just hope that when he finds out she told someone else first, he doesn't think that she doesn't trust him enough to tell him. Next I thought maybe Alix. That way it'd be more understandable to Chat that she'd know, after all future Bunnyx clearly knows and said to Ladybug that she chose her because she's capable of keeping secrets (notice how Alya said that to Ladybug in the alley? I bet Alix will find out in the near future. Maybe not this season, but she'll find out.) But that's for another time. But now Alya knows! Her best friend, the one to have her back and will no doubt have it even more so now! Watch out, Lila. Alya doesn't hold back so I can imagine how vicious she could be to her (and I can't wait). And that brings up a very interesting thought. Alya will realize Adrien has been the only one to have her back in Lila situations. Why would he do that, hmm? When everyone else was so sure Lila's an angel and Marinette must be bad for saying anything negative about her. Journalist Alya, incoming! There's also the matters of Alya bringing up Marinette's feelings for Chat Noir because duh, everybody can see how much she loves him! There are even photos of them kissing, one of which happened in front of Alya's own eyes! Though affected by an akuma, they all know that kiss didn't happen because of it. And of course, Alya has brought up twice in the show so far that Adrien and Chat Noir could be the same person. And last time Alya said that neither of them could be Ladybug and Chat Noir. Except, she's now found out that Marinette is Ladybug. So maybe Adrien could after all be Chat Noir. I look forward to seeing how their new dynamic is. I wonder how this affects their relationship with the other girls. And I'm most curious about how Nino and Adrien may react to this change. I thought during Truth and Lies both that their best friends were going to find out about their breakups. Gang of Secrets was Alya finding out. Even though I feel like another parallel episode is just wishful thinking, I can't help but think it may be a possibility. Nino and the boys are going to wonder what's up with Adrien too. They're going to wonder why he's not with Kagami anymore so suddenly. So what if i the end, Chat Noir ends up telling Nino? I could see it, if this takes place shortly after Gang of Secrets, where she tells Chat that she's confided her identity in a very close friend and somehow they agree that he can tell someone too that he trusts to make it fair. It'd be an amazing way to exercise Ladybug's trust in Chat Noir too. Then we'd have both Alya and Nino in on it, keeping their best friend's secrets for them without knowing about the other one. Oh that'd be so beautiful! And also let them keep their Miraculouses too after the charms are given to them and Alya has the ability to break

free after being akumatized. I adore Rena and Carapace so much I'd be ecstatic if they kept them. 😭 Anyway, so much potential can come out of this episode and I honestly cannot wait until episode 4!!

[narrators-journal]

Working late

Previous: Here

For the rest of the time Ango had off, he spent with you. It was a nice time, and it made him happier than he had been in a long while to have someone to talk to that wasn't Tsujimura. It also helped that he could talk about something other than his job with you, as well as have something to think about aside from said job. So, in the end, he didn't regret trying out that dating app, even though he'd been so skittish to build a connection with someone. You, meanwhile, didn't seem to care about all of the flaws he brought up on your dates. You were fine with him not having much time to do much, and seemed to accept that this long stretch of time off wasn't his usual schedule. Thankfully, you didn't pry into why he'd suddenly gotten a month off if it wasn't normal.              "I'm not looking for a constant partner. I can deal with taking things slow and being long distance," You assured on the second to last day of his break, wrapping an arm around him in a small hug, "My only demand is that I'm allowed to send you stuff and keep in contact as much as possible. Please just don't ghost me." He nodded, and with that, you seemed pretty content with that, letting him leave to return to work after his month off. Sadly, his happiness was swiftly squished under the weight of the work Taneada gave him upon his return. Of course, it wasn't a surprise to him, his boss had always been keen on shoving piles of work at him whenever he could get away with it. So, he just dug in and focused on catching up for the month of work he'd missed. So, another week passed uneventfully. Ango hadn't gone home more than two or three times, instead opting to crash on one of the decorative office couches for small naps when he got too exhausted to continue to work at times. He was swiftly exhausted, struggling to keep awake and to avoid completely crashing and sleeping for most of the day during his little naps. Though, it wasn't all bad. He tried his best to reach out to you when he could, and you were one of the few bright spots he had on the days where he was too busy to go home. (y/n): You doing alright? Wishing for another vacation yet lol.Ango: Very much so, but the paperwork is pretty standard, so it's nothing too taxing. (y/n): Ew, that sounds so boring. Ango: It is. That's why I didn't go into detail about my job, other than some of it being classified. (y/n): Yeah, kinda would've ruined dinner if I fell asleep to your paperwork chat lol. Ango: Lol. He smiled as he read your casual messages while he laid in the dark office long after even Tsujimura and Taneada had gone home, leaving him with the night security guards and little else in the way of coworkers. Usually, Ango just went to sleep as quickly as possible, having honed the skill of falling asleep on command pretty much, but when you'd checked in on him, he was fine with staying up to talk to you and unwind that way, and when his phone vibrated to notify him of another of your messages, he was further encouraged to stay awake out of pure curiosity. (y/n): Hey, Ango, I might know a way for you to destress. Ango: What is it? Yoga?(y/n): Nope! With that message, you sent a photo attachment, and he turned quite red before he'd even opened the file. Oh god, please don't be up for sexting. I'm much too rusty at that. He quickly plead internally, than, after swallowing the anxious lump in his throat, he opened the picture. Sure enough, it was a risque photo of yourself, nothing nude, but he got a healthy hint of what you looked like beneath your clothing. It brought a bright red color to his pale cheeks, but he didn't dislike the image, in fact, it honestly sent a bolt of excitement straight to his pants. Though, he was then faced with the predicament of responding. Fuck, do I comment on their body? Their underwear? He mulled over his options for a long moment and tried to formulate a good response that didn't sound too rude, but in the end he still struggled. Ango: Why the sexual image? Ango: You look nice, Ango:Your undergarments are rather cute. (y/n): Lol, take your time, dear. Ango let his phone fall to his chest after that and just scrubbed at his face with both of his hands, being mindful of his round glasses, then wiped his sweaty palms on the couch before finally sending a response he didn't delete. Ango: I'm sorry if I seem rude, I'm not used to being sent photos. You are very attractive. (y/n): Awww, thank you~ Have you really not been sent risque pictures before? Ango: Not really, haven't had many partners before to try. (y/n): Lolol, well dear, it's usually good etiquette to send a pic in return if you want😉 That sent another hot bolt of thrill to his groin, but he wasn't super sure on whether he should give into that lascivious voice in his head. Is it really smart to do this? They could use any compromising pictures against you. The anxious voice in his head whispered, but, after a moment or two of debating, the glasses-wearing man took a deep breath and let it out slowly, I guess it wouldn't hurt, as long as I don't show my face it shouldn't be that bad, even if they does use it against me. Besides, I can't exactly sleep comfortably after this, might as well take a photo while I'm at it. He told himself, using a bit of reasoning to curb how anxious he felt on his way to the men's room, the one rare place where there wasn't any security cameras. Once safely hidden in a stall with his phone, out of the view of any of the night guards or security cameras, Ango took a moment to relax so his hands didn't shake too badly, then, pulled his pants down just enough to let his semi-erect member free. He then took a moment to figure out how to take a passable picture and sent it off, his cheeks now as red as a rose and his gut was in a maelstrom of nerves, excitement, and arousal while waiting the painfully slow minute it took for you to reply to his picture. When you did, it was with a second image, (y/n): I appreciate your bravery~ Here, a final little picture for ya before I go to bed. Good night, Ango~ Your humor helped to relax him after such a nerve-wracking adventure into such a new territory. Not to say Ango wasn't a puritan, he'd had sex more than once, and he was pretty flexible with what he did in bed, but sending lewd photos from work was a new, anxiety-filled experience. Although, his stiffened member didn't seem to care about that paranoia. Fuelled by your second, slightly more risque image, his member now demanded to be dealt with before he even thought of sleep.He let out a little sigh and ran a hand through his dark hair, taking his glasses off and setting them carefully on the back of the toilet before shutting his dark green eyes and began to slowly stroke himself. The friction his hand gave, paired with the images now in his mind was the perfect mix to form fantasies starring you. Thoughts of you taking his long-neglected member into your mouth, or maybe riding him, so many thoughts that made his erection twitch filled his mind, trickling in as he finally fed his long neglected sexual needs ever so slightly. He hadn't done so in so long that he forgot just how addictive it could be to chase that delicious boost of happy chemicals masturbation could give him, but he was highly enjoying rediscovering the pleasure of the friction from his hands when paired with the fantasy of you being the one to stroke his twitching member until the pleasure reached its peek and a groan was yanked from his throat and quickly muffled as his body tensed and his brain was filled with static for a few moments. When he'd come down from that high, his euphoria was quickly replaced by immense shame, so he was swift to put his softening dick away and scrub up the evidence of his alone time. He put his glasses back on, straightened his clothes, and took a few deep breaths to slow his pounding heart and lessen the stain to his cheeks before he left the bathroom and returned to the couch. This time, he just went to sleep.

[kim-lexie]

‘start up’: week-by-week playback

here is a week-by-week playback of events from ‘start up’ and my unfiltered feelings. hope you enjoy! if you want to see somewhat cohesive thoughts on ‘start up’ check out my official review. here :) 

*spoiler alert*

ep 1

ladies and gents it’s going to be a good one. i loved being able to see this backstory to lay all the groundwork for the future of the drama.

his story is devastating as a young individual unable to make his way into the world and then making a way to find it isn’t how he expected and lost a real thing he had with the relationship with the her grandmother. but the redemption when he goes to see her again.

her family becoming broken. her sister severing the relationship and chalking it up to being ‘oh i made the better choice’. and her father dying while getting her chicken and trying to get an investment to not let his daughter go hungry and to bring his family together.

to him making up a character that got her through hard times. and then trying to find him again. this is going to be great. and i know i’m going to be devastated bc she fell in love with the other man to begin with, and now she will see this new person.

soooooo much happened and i’m clearly not ready.

ep 2

why? why do we lie? we know nothing good will come of it. if anything this jipyeong is who she loves. but why lie? literally you can own up to it and start over boo.

disappointed in our sweet grandma for lying to dalmi for so long.

her sister is awful. and so is this ‘mother’.

this man just wanted to start up his start up but he was like nah don’t want to help you even though i need you. feel in love with the girl in the letters and showed up bc of the goodness of his heart. hope he doesn’t get lost in the fantasy of it.

their business, samsan tech, is going to be wild and great and he missed his opportunity.

ep 3

her mother saying she is the same as her dad not having a plan is so wack, and makes me want her to slap her.

aren’t you curious? why aren’t you asking why i am like this? because that is my concept the quiet good looking type. i can’t with him hahaha

i love that he asked about the music box. i wish it was really him that wrote the letters, because this will be heartbreaking when she finds out.

‘it wouldn’t be bad to sail off without a map even if we got lost, if it’s with you.’

this kid, dosan, is too funny.

i cannot believe her ‘father’ just throw her under the bus and had her oppa takes over the Korean branch of her company that she formed.

dang it. girl quits her job because he started his own company

they got first place. is that enough inkling for you?!?!?

they both like her. but only one of them will admit his feelings so he will win in the end. i’m so excited to see all of their relationships develop.

the cringe level of the edit of her winning her award. i cannot even. they’re charming everyone loves it.

ep 4

him learning how to be a hot shot ceo. i can’t. the placemats he is struggling.

his friend breaking the 3rd wall and telling us how dosan drives away all the ladies in university.

poor guy the only things she likes about him aren’t him at all but jipyeong.

she is going to be their ceo isn’t she. bc he said that he can’t be ceo. she’d kill it. what a queen.

yes boo! there it is we know who you’re going to pick. bc she wants them to recruit you not the other way around.

ep 5

this was a stellar episode. from both teams using the same data set and coming up with wildly different ideas to samsan tech almost crashing down. but setting a fire to dosan to do better and be more ambitious. i’m so excited.

our girl killed her presentation yes queen. you got this. the fact that the boys created a whole new software. these folks would be crazy to not invest.

this alex guy really believes in them i’m excited to see if there will be rivalry between the two hot shot ceo’s

the fact that her grandma doesn’t regret not sending her to college but rather regrets not meeting him earlier to support and encourage him made me cry.

ep 6

this was a great episode. so much happened in the development of their little company. disorder and disagreements led to stronger relations within the company.

i love how she picked the mentor. like yup i know alex is the biggest deal since slice bread but you’re our homie.

the fact that dosan was ready to come clean about the letters but overheard the grandmother get a sad report from the doctors and wanted to protect her and her granddaughter. so sad.

ep 7

i really need more than a second male lead for this man. i can’t stand the way he looks at her. he loves her and is trying so hard to shut off his heart to her.

i love the bickering between the two male leads. like seriously hilarious.

i love the sweet relationship that nam dosan will now have with her grandmother. and i love the idea concept he had for their business. a beautiful heart behind the machine.

dosan standing up for her and standing against this horrible man out to exploit their talent.  

this ending scene i can’t. they’re cute too. and precious.

he kept the plant and is going to give it nutrients to keep it well. please do the same with your relationship with her honey.

ep 8

i really love jipyeong and need them together.

i cannot with their ceo step dad. like isn’t this too much.

i want the boss lady at sandbox to know that dalmi is the sandbox girl!!!

ep 9

the wind turned into a heavy storm that destroyed his self esteem. he feels himself falling apart bc of his secret.

she was attacked!

‘i made a wrong turn and stumbled upon fireworks’ nam dosan.

he brought them to the beach after reading that review of wanting to see more beauty that the world has to offer. i need him to own up to his feelings and make a move.

don’t lie bro we know you like dalmi. and of course it’s raining. bc that’s how it is.

we still get a scene with them running through the rain the chul-san and yong-san.

my heart is crumbling into a million pieces. jipyeong’s there and dosan isn’t. what are we going to do. this ain’t the moment of revelation we wanted.

ep 10

jipyeong is so great. 10 out of 10.

i don’t know what it is but i really am not about dosan’s character for some reason. i really just want jipyeong to be honest from the start and he could have ended up with her.

my heart. our dalmi.

‘i wanted to be the person you wanted. but it was too hard to bear.’

‘the person i want. i don’t know who that is.’

is the sibling of the member that died in their group?

do-san can’t leave his boys!!

‘does my dream have to be success. can’t it be a person?’

he just confesses to liking her while he was mixing their noodles. i can’t with him. love that he’s finally being honest. now it’s all up to dalmi.

everyone encouraging her before she has to promote their company. she did this. she is the ceo. she’s got this.

what the even?!? jipyeong was the one that was harsh to him. and it led his brother to commit suicide. oh no. and now they’re in the elevator together what’s going to happen?!?!

now she has two plan b?!? one from the investor and one from dosan and the big tech company.

they both confessed to the nice lady at the bar. hahaha i love these epilogue moments.

ep 11

yong-san’s brother story is so sad.

his dad standing up for the present he desperately wants to keep. and being the bridge for innovation.

their software worked on alex’s scheme!!!

and they won demo day.

oh no but alex isn’t as great as we thought he was...

chul-san and sa-ha are dating. i cannot even. this is the best!!!

they’re such a good team. brainstorming after their win. they cannot disband them.

i thought our man was going to get to them

in time to stop them from signing. but he didn’t.

ep 12

bro. alex is awful i hate this man.

the moments between. hjp and mrs. choi you are brilliant and heart breaking. i really want them to continue to grow into a better person and end up with dalmi.

why y’all got to fight why is dosan doing this. bro you’re not getting any brownie points by being like this dude.

i really love this side story with chulsan and saha. they’re cute. well we can share the vanilla latte. cute!!!!  

chulsan made her a video of numbers to help her fall asleep. he’s too cute i want her to admit that she likes him. ahhhhhhhhh

the fact that they ended up going and we’ll have a three year gap errrrks me. like our boy jhp is going to finally start making moves and dosan is going to run in and save the day. like bro you’re a mess.

i hope they were able to save the app for her grandmother.

her applying to her sisters company i’m excited.

ep 13

lolol they used his cousin for the commercial and injae looks sooo cute. frozen inspired.

i love how she had /iced vanilla latte lover’ as chul-san’s contact name and the vlogs!!!

hjp our man saved her from the insurance guy.

now they all play go stop together!!!!

she tucked him in and he gets to stay

youngsil calling him out to just swing the bat and don’t hesitate or he’ll lose. is this foreshadowing our man losing dalmi?!?

they finally got to eat at the bbq restaurant that was below their original building

frick my life. why is his timing always wack.

at least chulson and saha can sail.

the whole gang is back together!

it was the twins that hacked it wasn’t it?!?

he stopped him. come on baby.

ep 14

i love his man listening to her cry. hiding her because she didn’t want her staff to see. and telling her to chill until she is ready. i love this man.

that’s right honey. don’t answer that phone move on.

their little photoshoot was faboulous, them as RGB

yes queen. she went to confront her family. and be like boo you thought i didn’t chance. honey you’re in for it.

her mother wanting to pay back her mother-in-law for raising her daughter in her steed.

dosan turned her down her offer to be their AI specialists at her company.

i love that his father saved the baseball.

me finally accepting my ship won’t sail when their girl walked 5 hours in the woods to get to dosan.

yong-san apologizing for saying that jhp killed his brother. they both are apologizing.

they all end up joining her company!!!!

ep 15

their self driving car passed the test. they’re too cute in their celebration.

she doesn’t want to lose her team again if they lose their bid.

sa ha is finally falling for chulsan. he’s so precious. him being like oh wait you’re asking me out.

of course it would be this trip getting stuck in an elevator together.

sailing off without a map. never will regret it. -dosan

injae absolved her adoption after seeing her grandmother.

he tired to out so all their memories with that one thing alone his big hands. hahah oh do san.

my hjp finally let go. he took his losses and kept the money tree and letters. it isn’t enough honey boo.

stop feeling inferior to me. work on your self esteem and look at dalmi again. then you’ll know who she really likes. with those hands alone, you beat our memories. -hjp

because it’s you. you’re the reason. that’s it. -dalmi on liking dosan

i really don’t like them together. but whatever i shall not have my way in this. it’s fine hjp is mine.

i love the sisters together. they’re precious talking about the sandbox girl.

is this article going to frick up their bid?!? but it was his hackers that did it the twins!!!

is hjp going to save the day?!?

ep 16

dalmi and dosan are a dream team. and they just served that reporter one great tell all.

i still can’t process bc i love hjp.

i feel like it hit mrs. choi when they were all talking dosan and dalmi when are finally saw dosan after a few years that her good boy would feel alone. TT

‘don’t become any lonelier jipyeong...’ their relationship makes me cry. i love that

i can’t everyone saying what they’ll do if they win. PROPOSE. say who their boyfriend is?!?!

i’m excited to see this start up to connect orphanages with a sponsor to help them in that transition. it’s a perfect fit for him. ‘i like your voice’, because it sounds like young-sil the voice of the app/help device. he’s going to personally invest and help them with their business plan. and then sponser kids!!! he is seriously a dream.

chulsan and saha are too cute. i love that she introduced him as her boyfriend. he was not expecting that. she finally found someone who she’s been looking for!

was that their goodbye? he isn’t the dosan from the letters? huh?

in jae is such a queen serving those papers to her dad at the q and a session, that no one showed up to. 

them all crying in their old rooftop office. they’re such dorks i love them

his father took the sign to replace it with the one from the math competition.

dalmi and injae’s relationship is too precious.

he’s going to invest in their company. and dosan accepted hjp’s investment.

i want to change the world. follow your dream.

i liked this one.

i wonder if they won.......oh the epilogue!!!

they got married. and they kept the baseball. chul-san and saha revealed they were a couple. chul-san shaved his hair! i loved that we saw it all though pictures on their desk!! that was a creative way to fit everything in!

shareholders meeting!!! the gang taking over the world!

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

If you don’t mind me asking, are you not interested in going to college? There are so many gay people to meet, esp those that don’t drink (if you join the activist gay groups or if there’s a lgbt center at school). If you’re worried about age, I have a ton of friends that are older than me and non traditional. If you’re feeling stuck, college can help push you forward! Even a few classes.

Hello anon! Thank you so much for popping in ☺️

I’m actually in Australia so we don’t have college here, we have TAFE and university. I actually started a university degree but I was doing it online because I struggle to leave the house a lot of the time. I ended up dropping out though because of my mental health I couldn’t keep up with the workload and I felt like it was pointless going into debt for a creative writing degree, and honestly right now that’s the only degree I would be interested in doing. I did tafe as well, and I actually went in person but I ended up dropping out for similar reasons. I was doing a library diploma but I couldn’t finish it because I had to travel so far to do it and I started getting scared of leaving the house and my mental health and ED got really bad around that time. So I couldn’t keep going multiple times a week. I also got very discouraged because there are like no jobs in that field near where I live. Most people at libraries are volunteers. And when they do offer jobs it is so few and far between and competitive that I just got overwhelmed. It’s a shame though because I did complete my cataloguing unit and oh my gosh did I love it; but I didn’t want to put myself through all that mental health struggle for something with such little promise at the end. After that I really really struggled to leave the house. So my psychologist recommended doing a tafe course on something I was just interested in , not in the hopes of getting a job, and doing it one day a week in night classes. So I started doing a floristry certificate. It was hard emotionally but I stuck with it. However I started getting in my head something bad would happen if I ate or drank before hand. And the campus was over an hour away on train and it started at like 6 at night and I would end up getting home around 11. Plus I would get very anxious about going so I wouldn’t sleep. As a result I was running on no sleep , no food and no water while going. Which really did a number on me. I still wanted to finish it though. But around half way through that’s when the big bush fires hit Australia. It got too dangerous for me to travel as a result and I ended up dropping the course. I’m a serial giver-upper as it would appear lolol.

Where I live as well there are only a couple lgbt groups and I’ve meet people from both of them. Let’s just say I have a lot of abuse and trauma surrounding those groups which has honestly made me very scared to reach out to them. Also drinking culture is SO massive in Australia. It’s almost treated like a rich of passage honestly. It’s very intense how many people tie lots of their identity and social activities to alcohol here. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard in therapy to get more comfortable with people who drink alcohol because I’ve realised I’m truly setting myself up to fail otherwise because I don’t think I’d have much luck finding someone who doesn’t drink lololol.

HOWEVER ! In saying that. There are these little short courses that are run for things like cooking and sewing etc in a community center here. I’m trying to work up the courage to go there this year in the hopes of getting out of the house more and trying to interact with more people, gay or not.

Also I think with my inability to really get close to people or form strong relationships, that’s all on me and not other people. I just don’t have a lot of solid expectations or scaffolding in my head for that stuff. Which makes things feel weird and inauthentic and hard for me. I’m sure there are lots of lovely and wonderful people around me that I would be blessed to meet if I ever got the chance , but human interaction is very hard for me to keep up consistently, especially since I’m always so worried I’m going to do the wrong thing or somehow hurt people. It’s a working progress ahah.

But thank you so much for the lovely advice and reaching out to me with such kindness. It really means a lot. And I’m definitely going to try and do something akin to that in my own way. I’m so glad you have such a wonderful network of gay friends and you have found your people :) They are lucky to have you! I hope you have a beautiful day 💕💕

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober day 5: Old

For Day 5’s challenge, I brought back what I believe to be my first trans character haha. This will start as cringe plz bear with me. Im copy pasting the Quickie I had planned for a post in my writing blog.

PunchLine: Quickie Summary

Just suddenly grew nostalgic of this story lol. Notes before delving into the plot:

-        I literally started this story’s concept when I was in 5th – 6th grade and first watched Ouran High School Host Club. My kid brain was mad at Haruhi for not taking advantage of her passing as a boy so I made what started as a self-insert oc that gradually transformed into my first trans character ever. Whack, lol.

-        Just a side thing, most of my damn stories have playlists and I swear, All Time Low/All American Rejects songs are exclusively this story’s official soundtrack.

-        The main character’s name is super…. Wow lol. Please bear with me I might change it, just… this was a story I started making when I was 11 and really liked ‘unique’ names instead of conventional ones >X,,D

-        Please have mercy on my tiny weeb soul.

Lolol ok, plot start naw. Keep in mind I was very influenced by anime at this point of my life so I started this in a stereotypical Japanese setting but made it more Americanized over the years. Big oof.

Protagonist (I called em Echo lol) is a hella poor girl living pretty much by herself in a shitty apartment. Her aunt is her caretaker but she’s never home and she doesn’t work. Echo has to work a job herself to make money for food. She has a quiet personality, long, terrible hair with split ends everywhere, and a boxy frame. She works doing lots of manual labor, adding to her poor health.

Because she’s always been quiet, no one knows who she really is. She’s just ‘that poor girl who never talks’,  and they mostly leave her alone. One particularly shitty night however, after getting fired without her pay, she gets caught by some hotshot popular dude and his cronies with her work uniform on. Kids aren’t supposed to work. He takes a picture and threatens to turn her in if she doesn’t follow him. He’s just looking for some easy fun with a docile girl he can make do anything. She’s done being docile.

In true anime fashion she beats the hell out of these dudes, trash talking them the entire time. She’s merciless, bashing them all black and blue until they pass out. Only once everyone but the main instigator is down does she take his phone. “I have back-ups!” The boy exclaims through broken teeth. She looks at him and posts the image onto his feed herself. She’s done going to school anyways. She destroys the phone, laughing, and he loses consciousness. She gets up and dusts herself off.

She had a spectator. Some dude had watched the whole thing from his fancy car. He thinks he could use someone like her.

The following week goes as expected. She’s expelled. Her aunt came to act as a concerned guardian in front of the school but left immediately after. She took Echo’s savings. Echo is laying in her mattress on the floor, pretty much wishing to be dead when a knock on the door breaks her concentration.

Oh boy. It’s the spectator dude with two other boys (one of em may end up being cut lol). He has a proposition. She join their prestigious team from some fancy school for something (idk I initially had her join a mob lol but these kids are still in highschool. Maybe their fighting club?) and they’ll pay for her tuition and living expenses. But there’s a catch. The team is boys-only and she has to crossdress. She signs up immediately anyways lol. From now on, she will live as a boy (so I will use he/him pronouns).

Hmm… mayhaps the reason Echo has such a ‘unique’ name is because he chose it himself. Like the edgy teen he is. Cries.

Echo packs his stuff and goes with em. He hears the specifics about his new group. Eric is the leader, who’s father founded the group. He clearly puts on an aura of being tough and in control, but his delivery is too forced. The spectator dude that found Echo is his co-leader, a guy who actually knows what he’s doing, but doesn’t want to overthrow Eric because he thinks it’s funny seeing him struggle. He is a dick lol. Depending on whether or not I’ll use him, the third dude is Eric’s best friend from childhood meant to be the soft one who helps Echo settle at first.

Moving on, I don’t have a coherent timeline of events, just scattered things that will happen. For sure, Eric and Echo keep butting heads, mostly because Eric tries to control Echo and the group as a whole too much, and Echo is like ‘dude, your demanding for perfection only makes me want to screw things up more to show you how unhealthy your expectations are. And also cuz youre cute when you’re mad.’

Eric has a legacy to live up to. He’s the classic worrywart trying to live up to an image and failing. Echo was brazen at first with his trying to mess Eric up, but he softens as he realizes how much it effects Eric. They eventually hear eachother out and come to a compromise. That’s the start of their friendship.

Then, a year later, comes Kimmie. She’s Eric’s childhood crush. She’s short, she’s plump, and she has a rude attitude. Eric’s been a simp for her since he was a kid. He tries way too hard to make her see him as a romantic partner; she’s the reason he grew out his hair when he heard her casually mention she likes it long.

What’s his reason for liking her so much? When they were kids, Eric was plump too, but unlike with her, kids would pick on him because he always just took it. She defended him a lot, and her fiery personality mixed with her ability to hit kids and get away with it made her feared. He idolized her ever since.

She reacts to this as well as you’d imagine a childhood crush staying just a crush is handled. Meaning she clearly sets up walls around him and tells him he’s not interested. Echo, however, catches her eye.

After a P.E session, Kimmie follows Echo to his usual changing place and catches him with his top off. Kimmie knew Echo was a ‘girl.’ Kimmie explains she had seen Echo before his transition. Echo laughs it off, finding her brazenness cute. “So what now? You wanna tell the school?” “… I require you for something actually…”

Kimmie is dating Echo now. Eric is devastated. Kimmie flaunts Echo around like a trophy, breaking many girl’s hearts that had previously asked him out. Echo has to follow her around as a part of their deal, but he doesn’t mind it. The more he learns about her, the more he likes her.

Eric tries to confront him about it along with his friends. Eric’s approach is…. Well… “You’re faking this, right? You don’t like girls, you’re not really a boy!” “Dude, I like what I like. Deal with it.” This response further punches Eric in the gut as everyone laughs nervously.

Some big event comes and Echo is Kimmie’s plus one. Eric doesn’t want to attend it so he stays in the mansion. Echo is feeling the guilt of the situation more with each day that passed. At the event, him and Kimmie have a great time, but when they escape the crowd and are alone, she tries for a kiss. Echo doesn’t proceed. Kimmie is disappointed, but Echo explains.

“I know the real reason you wanted to date me. It’s the same reason you touch my chest so much, why you wanted to see me in a dress, and why you told Eric you like long hair. Kimmie, you like girls.” He steps away from her. “And I can’t be your girlfriend in disguise.”

Kimmie is floored. She begins to cry. Echo is right. She’s a lesbian but she never wanted to accept it. She kept telling herself she’d find the right boy, and when Echo came, it felt so perfect. She thought she could just slip in and pretend that she was straight. But she isn’t.

She apologizes. She says, however, that she truly does like Echo now. Echo sighs and rubs their neck. “You can’t like me Kimmie… I’m not…” Kimmie thinks it through. “But… you were a girl before! The only reason you’re dressed like this is because of the contract!” “Yeaaaah… but I kinda like it now. This feels…. Better. More me.” Echo grins with confidence. “I’m a man now.”

Kimmie takes Echo’s figure in and sighs. “Ew. I can’t be date a man.” They laugh and break up, Echo going back home. Kimmie returns to the party and is spotted by one of Eric’s friends. He asks where Echo is and she tells him everything. Echo is going home, him and Kimmie just broke up. The friend tells Kimmie some comforting words before running away to the hall to call Eric and tell him the good news. Kimmie is available again, and he can be more aggressive this time!

Eric is slumped in the couch after binging Netflix and eating a pint of icecream. When he hears the news, his mind is stuck on only one piece of information. Echo is coming back home. Instead of feeling happy about Kimmie being available again, Eric realizes Echo is coming back after a break up. His worrywart tendencies has him picturing a comedically sobbing Echo, ruthlessly broken up with by Kimmie, wondering how he could continue to live without her. He cleans up the couch and by the time Echo enters, he’s saved him a spot on the couch and his own pint of icecream. Echo laughs but sits right beside him, accepting the comfort, even if Eric doesn’t know the full story. They have a nice night together, and by the morning, Kimmie’s sexuality is revealed thanks to a picture she posted in her social media celebrating with a girl she kissed.

She’s officially out and happier for it. Eric congratulates her when they run into eachother in the hallway. She’s surprised he’s not as sad as she expected him to be, but she’s touched by how genuinely kind he’s being to her. They stay friends, and even get closer thanks to Kimmie now putting her walls down again.

Movin on to another story event, Eric’s mom has been away for most of Echo’s stay, but she comes back. Eric has made it clear that Echo should stay away from her, and never let her know his transition. She somehow finds out thanks to some mishaps anyways. When the contract is revealed, she is ASTOUNDED that her boy would force a GIRL to live as a MAN. She’s putting a stop to this! She takes Echo away for a weekend spa treatment, girling Echo up, talking over him through the whole thing, never listening to his complaints and only reassuring herself that Echo is safe now and free to be pretty and feminine once more! It’s the proper way!

Needless to say Echo is uncomfortable.

The more Eric’s mom talks about herself and her own life, it’s clear that her way of thinking stems from some issues she had as a kid, being forced to work and to give up feminine things, but Echo doesn’t feel like she did at all. And though Echo enjoys some of the spa things, and doesn’t much mind being put in a dress, he just… prefers a suit. Would rather stay at home training with the group. Would rather keep his hair short as opposed to the length Eric’s mom proposes him to grow it at. It’s a bunch of little things, but they culminate in solidifying to Echo… he just wants to stay a boy. He’s not being forced to be one. He genuinely likes it.

When they return from their trip, Echo is in a skirt and heels. He is dolled up with professional make up and styled hair. The group ogles him, but as comments get thrown around about how good Echo looks as a girl, Eric can’t feel the same. He just feels it’s too… off. He doesn’t bring it up, he’s afraid he’ll hurt Echo’s feelings. All his mom’s mutterings got to him, and Eric feels guilty for forcing Echo to live as a man. 

During dinner, he reassures his mom and Echo that they can get rid of the contract and Echo can live in their house and attend their school clause free.

Echo stops him right there.

“I don’t want to be a girl. I’m a boy.”

Eric and his mom are confused. They try to reassure Echo, but Echo continues. “No. No offence ma’am, but all weekend, you have talked over me, never listening to what I have to say. I don’t want to be a girl. I am not like you. I do not share your experiences nor your desires. I like being a boy. I like being called a boy. I like dressing like a boy. I want to be known as a boy.”

Echo gets up.

“I’m going to go change now. But before I go, I want to keep the contract. I have no problem with any of the conditions.” Echo looks at Eric and smiles. “I like being a part of the group and competing with you guys.” He’s flustered by his sincerity. Echo leaves. For the rest of the day, Echo is unbothered in his room, but when night comes, Eric goes up to bring him some food.

Echo didn’t really wash off the make up very good (damn that high quality stuff), and his hair is a mess. But he’s in comfortable clothes and he brings in Eric so they can hang. They talk about trivial stuff at first, spend an hour playing a game, and when it’s 3am, Eric gathers the guts to talk about it. That he’s glad Echo stood up for himself, and he sees him as a boy too. Echo bursts into laughter, teasing Eric.

“So that’s what you were so nervous about. I thought you were planning to ask me on a date.” More flustered Eric. “W-Why would I-“ Echo gives him a half hug that stops him, hiding his own blushing face. “Thanks…” Eric hugs him back. It’s yet another sweet moment before they finally get together…. In some other event in the future mwahahaha. Idk, I haven’t decided yet when they confess and actually start going out ;p cries.

Welp, there ya go. This is a story I still cringe at because of how anime it starts but damn these chars got me. I love Echo, Eric and Kimmie ;o; I’m sorry I’m a sucker v-v

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

[okayoonoh]

XIAOJUN’S FAMILY

a/n: here’s xiaojun’s little family! i hope you guys like it!

also, here is where you can find all things nct dad related! go and check it out!

XIAO DEJUN

he has one kid as well as one on the way! his son’s name is xiao zhangwei and he is in the 4th generation of kids!

XIAO ZHANGWEI: >> as a baby <<

oh, where to begin

i honestly feel like zhangwei would be such a pretty baby

like you know how like all babies look like wrinkley aliens when they come out?

zhangwei didn’t look like one at all

he was a legitimate angel

he honestly was a rather quiet baby

like he had strong lungs and such

but he there were only a handful of times that he cried super duper loud

all in all tho, he was a rather quiet baby

(appreciate these times while they last)

he looked like xiaojun from the start

omgomgomg

ok so while you were pregnant with zhangwei

xiaojun for sure sang for him like at least one song per night

and like zhangwei knew his dad’s voice

like while you were resting right after labor

xiaojun would just be holding zhangwei and singing a bit

and that was the first time zhangwei ever smiled :,)

bc he recognized his dad’s beautiful voice and could hear it clearly now

xiaojun started crying right then and there and kept singing to him

tbh, that’s one of the quickest ways to calm down zhangwei

if he’s been crying for a long time

just give him to xiaojun

and the second zhangwei realizes that he’s in his dad’s arms and can hear his dad’s voice?

he’s calm

zhangwei has been enamored by music from the second he opened his eyes

omg tbh tho

zhangwei is like eli lee

in which he has a severe case of rbf

but like when he smiles

he looks like toothless

(especially when he smiled when he legitimately lacked teeth)

tbh tho

zhangwei is an actual angel

socially? zhangwei was pretty okay

he didn’t prefer you or xiaojun

zhangwei loved equally :,)

>> as a child <<

y’know, he started as a quiet baby

but smth happened and now?

he’s LOUD

so freaking LOUD

he sings 24/7

zhangwei doesn’t seem like he has an off switch when it comes to singing

it was endearing at first but now you and xiaojun are lowkey over it lol

he’s best friends with hendery’s oldest daughter, wong xiuying

xiuying is her dad but in girl form

and her crackheadedness is what keeps them as best friends lol

she’s like one of the only people in the world that can keep up with zhangwei and his endless singing

like when zhangwei is super hyper

xiuying is right up there with him and matches his hype lol

omg ok imagine

so like hendery and xiaojun wanted to take their kids out for the day

and they let them choose where they would go

without missing a beat, xiuying and zhangwei both choose karaoke right away

xiaojun and hendery take them there while laughing the entire time lol

tbh tho, everyone is shocked with how many songs they know

like they know songs that hendery and xiaojun barely know

zhangwei and xiuying for sure get a perfect score regardless of the song

tbh, xiuying knows zhangwei like the back of her hand

like even tho xiuying is super active and such

she does a really good job of taking care of zhangwei and honestly knows him the best out of everyone

like before zhangwei even voices what he wants

she already has it lol

they’re such sweet best friends :,)

zhangwei for sure inherited his dad’s thicc brows

his brows are the most expressive part of his face whenever he sings

he for sure knows how to play guitar and piano

zhangwei also inherited his dad’s weird palette for somethings

like eating the spicy chili sauce on cheese?

that’s zhangwei’s favorite snack ever

>> as a teen/adult <<

he becomes a vocalist lmao

i mean like i wanna say that he would choose a different path than xiaojun

but i mean

zhangwei is just such a good singer

a voice like that shouldn’t go to waste

i def feel like he was singing in passing

like he was just singing as he was going somewhere

and someone street casted him like that lol

i also feel like he would lay down all of the groundwork

like they would want him to debut in a group and such

and he KNOWS that he’s the best vocalist the company has to offer

lmao he would seem v v cocky or arrogant

but if you look at it, he’s just trying to make the best out of the company and their offers

to be 100% honest

i see him as the lead singer of a band

not a kpop band

like a band band

like day6

zhangwei would play guitar and he would be the lead singer

and he loves all of his bandmates and such

like he honestly vibes so well with them

i don’t think he would really want to be a solo artist

bc i feel like zhangwei is a very social person

and like would love to be around his friends and vibe with them everyday

their band can do all concepts tbh

from super angsty and hard rock

to the most heart wrenching and beautiful ballands

whenever they do part switches

zhangwei always ends up with the drums 

and he honestly has no idea how to play them lmao

like he doesn’t struggle at all with guitar

or piano

or bass

but drums?

for some reason, he just can’t learn them and he doesn’t know why

everyone finds this super hysterical lol

his favorite concepts are the soft ones

like he really love writing super duper cute love songs

he’s for sure the shortest member teehee

that’s why he’s the lead singer tho

they position him in the center and the front

so that he appears just as tall as his other members

or they put him on a platform lol

anyway

xiuying still knows him better than anyone

they’re def not together tho

but they are still best friends!

she for sure has the hots for one of his bandmates tho lolol

anytime zhangwei invites her to a concert, her first question is “Is *insert bandmates name* gonna be there?” (it’s the drummer lmao)

tbh, zhangwei could care less if they get together lmao

and xiuying and his bandmate just naturally get together, it’s not forced or instigated by anyone other than themselves

lmao i’m off topic

so basically, zhangwei ended up in a band as the lead vocals and guitar and honestly? it suits him.

---

i lowkey really vibe with zhangwei, ngl!

i hope you guys liked it and go and check out my wips/ideas! lmk which one(s) you’re excited to read!

requests are open! don’t be shy, hmu bb!

- amy <3

[purplesurveys]

783

Are you afraid of lifts? Enough to make me never want to get on one alone. I honestly can’t remember I wasn’t on an elevator with anyone, and I prefer dragging someone along.

Who did you last talk to in person? Is that person attractive? My sister. I feel like pretty is a more suitable word for me to use as attractive feels somewhat creepy lmao.

Have you ever had a deep, personal conversation with a stranger? Yeah. Back in my internship I had to be present to assist one of our clients who was gonna be a guest in a morning talk show, and after his segment we had breakfast at a nearby restaurant where he talked about his life and his struggles to get to where he is now. It was such an insightful conversation and he was incredibly wise. As shy as I was then, I never forgot that talk and I’m really grateful for the experience.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your own appearance? Why? Idk, an 8 maybe? I’m generally ok with my looks, minus my teeth and how frizzy my hair can get sometimes.

Who was the last person to send you a message on Facebook? When was the last time you saw that person? Angela. The last time I saw her was when we went out to BGC to drink and party, whenever that was. I think it was the last weekend of February?

If you decided, at this moment in time, that you were going to make a sandwich, what would you put on it? Ham and cheese.

Let’s talk about the person you had your first kiss with. Do you still talk to that person? If so, do you still like them? Would you kiss them again? Yep, I’m on the phone with her right now. Yes and yes.

When was the last time you saw your ex? No ex.

Are you good at controlling your emotions, or do you tend to let them get the better of you? I can be good at controlling them, but once it gets personal I allow them to take over me.

At this moment in time, what do you want the most? Sushi.

How many times have you cried over the person you love/like? Too many to count on one hand, and for various reasons. Not to say she makes me miserable, it’s just because she has the ability to affect me the most.

How exactly are you feeling right now? Why do you feel the way you do? I ammmmmmm feeling a little hungry because it’s been a while since we had dinner, and very awake thanks to the cup of coffee I just finished. I’m also comforted by the fact that my girlfriend is just on the other line at the moment.

What’s the relationship status of the last person that put their arms around you? He is married.

Has the last person you held hands with, ever told you that they love you? So many times.

Is there someone you used to hang out with all the time, and now you don’t anymore? If so, do you ever miss that person? Why do you think your relationship changed?   Yeah dude, a lot of people. I miss some and I don’t miss some. The reasons are different for everyone; like I grew apart with Sofie because college had just physically torn us apart there was no way for us to be able to keep up with each other; Katreen found her own circle in college and slowly stopped talking to me; Athenna simply turned into a really bitter person after high school; Macy had personal issues to fix and she just sort of tuned a lot of people out in the process, including me. I’m just glad I’ve learned to not be resentful about these failed friendships.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘H’? What color are that person’s eyes? I think it was Hannah. Brown.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘M’? How did you meet that person? Angela’s first name is Maria so I’m counting that hahaha. We met in first grade. We were seatmates and I accidentally stabbed her palm with a pencil, making it bleed. The rest was history.

The person you love/like is offered a job in another country. Would you let them go, or try and convince them to stay? Let them go. We’ve discussed this a bunch of times.

Is there anyone you dislike so much, that you actually can’t stand to be around them? I don’t always actively dislike her, but after years of verbal abuse I can never be comfortable being alone with my mom for more than a few minutes. I’m incapable of keeping up a conversation with her and I also don’t like it when she reaches her hand out to touch me, and I always automatically flinch just enough for her not to notice.

When was the last time you wanted to cry, but didn’t, because you didn’t want to show that you were upset? Why? Uhh I guess this morning lol. I was watching a compilation video of emotional segments in WWE but with my siblings in the same room, I didn’t wanna show that I was crying. Super trivial but yeah.

If you found out that someone had been talking about you behind your back, would you confront them? Depends what they’d been saying, but honestly probably not. I’d just bitch about it to my friends. < Pretty much. This is exactly what I did when I caught wind that Patrice was talking shit/spreading a rumor about me behind my back. OMG I’m so glad she’s out of my life

Which do you think is the worst - saying something and then wishing you hadn’t, or not saying something and wishing you had? The first one, because then the damage had been done.

Do you know anyone who seems almost incapable of showing their emotions? Uh not really? Everyone I know is expressive in some way.

What are 3 things that are guaranteed to make you smile, or put you in a good mood? Dogs, when I meet up with Gab and I see her, and pretty views.

Do you look more like your mum or your dad? Half of my face is my mom, and half of it is my dad. I never get the same answer when I ask my friends who I look more like.

When was the last time you saw your grandparents? I saw my paternal grandparents on the third weekend of February, as is tradition whenever my dad comes back home to the country. I don’t remember the last time I saw my grandma on my mom’s side but it was probably the start of the year? because my mom will sometimes drive by the house to check up on her.

Have you ever felt really attracted to someone, but been deterred because you found out they didn’t have a very nice personality? Yeah, like I went to high school with so many pretty people but most of them had a bit of an attitude and just liked to stick with their cliques. Typical high school behavior.

Have you ever hugged/kissed someone you’d only just met? Probably when I’ve gotten drunk and became friends with anyone I’d interact with lolol

Where is the person you would most like to see/be with? She is at home, in the upper part of the city.

When was the last time you bought a CD/DVD? Which one was it? 2013. It was either an Audrey Hepburn movie or a Beyoncé concert DVD.

Have you ever gone against someone’s advice and then regretted it? Probably? Angela will sometimes give me advice only for me to completely go against it hahahahahaha

Would you ever apologize for something that wasn’t your fault? Always. It’s what I picked up after years of my mom accusing me for every little thing...

What’s been the best thing about your day so far? It’s only 2:11 AM, but I’m loving the fact that I’m on a call with Gabie, I guess. We don’t really call a lot, not even during quarantine, so I’m feeling happy right now.

Has anyone ever cried in your arms before? Sure.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? Is that person older or younger than you? Ugh I don’t even remember, Tina probably? Her full name is Christina. She’s a year older.

Do you keep a lot of things from your parents? Pretty much everything.

Who was the last person you confided in? Do you regret it? Gabie. I have no reason to regret it, she’s my girlfriend and best friend.

What was the last film you watched, that you hadn’t seen before? What kind of film was it? What did you think of it? I’ve repeated this answer so many times, but Knives Out. It was a whodunnit/mystery film, and I wouldn’t have watched it if Gab had not personally invited me to see it with her. I hated every second of it, though I’m glad not a lot of people were in the cinema then because it allowed me to pull out my phone and use Twitter without distracting anyone haha.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you hugged/kissed? Lots.

Using one word only, describe the day you’ve had so far. Short (so far).

[fallingin-like]

november 21

push to talk by @alexjosten​ [requested by @nikothespoonklepto]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a delightfully engaging fic based on the game firewatch that follows neil as he spends a summer as a fire lookout, isolated except for radio communication with andrew, a fire lookout in the adjacent sector of the park. this is such an intense, fun, beautiful, and humorous fic.

i remember enjoying this so much as it came out, eagerly awaiting each new chapter. you drew me in so easily and deeply that i watched a whole playthrough of this game. i can fully appreciate how well you were able to translate the plot, gameplay, interactions between characters, and the stunning visuals so so seamlessly and have it aftg so well.

some parts that stood out to me:

”dusk settles on the trees like clay powder, dusting the evergreens with a red tint” woah this is such a gorgeous way of starting off this fic.

”the moon extends her helping hand to guide him out into a clearing. here, neil can see. but also, he can be seen” i love these descriptions, and our introduction to neil. 

”he ignores his sleeping bag and the strict instructions to camp at nightfall and continue during the day” ah yes, Neil I Do What I Want Josten strikes again, with little regard for what people tell him to do

”if he’s not careful, the black dirt beneath his feet could bleed crimson. the exact combination of colours he came out here to avoid” this is stunning. i am immediately drawn into this fic, wanting to know what or who exactly neil is running from, and where he’s going

”buttermilk rays whisk the shadows of leaves into a dance on the forest floor beneath his feet” !! buttermilk?? somehow that works so so well

”the irony of calling it that in his head isn’t lost on him, and he vows to avoid that comparison again” what a subtle detail, but so telling! i am pretty bad with reading tags a lot of the time, so this was a great introduction to raven!neil

”it’s as exposing as it is freeing. he can’t feel trapped when he can see for miles every way he turns” wow it’s still so early in the fic, but you’ve already done an exceptional job at justifying neil choosing to come here, to escape.

foxtrot tower is such a cute name! i love that it’s not something directly taken from the books, this name seems to fit this au so well. i know that you likely had the game as reference for the tower, but i really liked the way you describe it, you were able to establish the same tone that exists in the game, but you did it through words instead of visuals and audio, something that really impresses me

”glad to hear you’re literate enough to have read the dossier” ohmygoodness ANDREW

”andrew’s tone is playful. neil thinks it might even be flirtatious, but he doesn’t care enough right now to find out” as much as i enjoy oblivious!neil, i appreciate that this version of neil is more aware, he seems more in tune with things around him. it fits better with this story, with the isolation and only communication being through the radio

”the sky slips into a more comfortable pink, the sun laying down to rest amongst the mountains” am i ever going to get over your descriptions of the environment? i don’t think so

of course neil goes for a run, basically right after doing a super intense two day hike in one day

”andrew sounds agitated” I LOVE THIS

oh dang, neil’s panic is so sudden, i’m so immersed that i immediately felt nervous too

”it’s our job to watch the horizon, neil. it’s not my fault you’re on mine” oh this is so good

”neil doesn’t believe in coincidences. he believes in traps and ill intentions, because that’s all his life has been until now”  it’s honestly amazing how quickly the atmosphere of this fic has turned to something a little bit darker, kind of scary. we know neil as a runner, but the idea of someone finding him so soon and trying to lure him out? gives me chills

“he doesn’t realise his hands are shaking until he struggles to press the push-to-talk button” PUSH TO TALK I AM SO FOND OF FICS THAT INCLUDE THE TITLE OF THE FIC IN THEIR FIC. also shaky hands are my kryptonite

”he also takes the cleaver from the kitchen counter” NEIL I- I AM SPEECHLESS

”a small sensible part of his brain tries to convince him that there are much easier ways to kill him than leading him out in the middle of nowhere, in a forest that he told nobody from his past life that he would be living in, where he uses a new name that nobody knows” !! good to hear that neil has a sensible part of his brain LOL

”but underestimating his enemies and their taste for dramatics would be a mistake” neil of all people does have a good reason for being paranoid. i love that you have this separated as a different paragraph, i read it differently because of it and i think that it adds more gravity to the sentence

”there, he finds a lipstick-red tent, zipper teeth yawning open to reveal two pink sleeping bag tongues” the imagery!!! incredible

”he feels like a walking timebomb” yeah i am definitely nervous for neil

”’girls don’t do it for you?’ andrew’s curiosity has a hopeful slant” OHMYGOODNESS ANDREW

”andrew’s voice is a firm, solid reassurance” bless andrew

”neil never thought he’d be relieved to meet someone who didn’t like exy” i also never thought that. neil you are a changed man

ooh the backstory to the fireworks is so good! i was also thinking it was a little out of character, but this is the perfect reason that renee would let it slide!

”the stars are withering in the purpling sky” i could cry because i love your writing so much

A MAN I AM FREAKING OUT. WHO IS HE

the easygoing banter between andrew and neil is so great, their conversation is interesting and flows really well

”he’s almost home” it amazes me and really shows something about this version of neil that he’s so quick to call this tower his home

”i know i needed to do this, but i am not sure i am ready to be so alone” woah break my heart why don’t you? this hits really close to home,, how dare you make me feel emotions

”i usually take a more straightforward approach” andrew never lies, but this is the truest thing he has ever said

”they’ll probably never meet, because neil intends on spending the rest of his summer without meeting another soul, andrew included” hmmm why do i have the sneaking suspicion that this will not be the case?

”neil’s not sure what grindr is but his face heats up all the same” this sentence is a MOOD (except i do know what grindr is)

”andrew’s response is sharp like a blade. ‘why? because one of the girls called you scarface?’ neil feels himself flinch” hhh i am secretly a very big fan of scenes that include neil’s scars, so you got me here

”andrew keeps neil company on the hour hike up to the north of his sector, but his usual commentary seems a bit strained today” uhH what’s going on, i’m getting scared

DID ANDREW BRING NEIL OVER JUST SO HE CAN SEE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE? 

ohmygoodness, neil leaving andrew pictures and a sweatshirt? so so so cute

”he imagines the fear they felt when they saw him holding it wasn’t too unlike the fear that used to paralyse him when his father, or lola, would threaten him back home” woah this is good

i would bet that allison was the one to write that letter haha i can imagine that renee is likely kind of shaken by the incident, otherwise she might not have let allison leave it behind

andrew is such a good companion for neil, calming him both by his presence and by logically explaining what could have happened to the tent. he’s an anchor

”he feels like the cleaver he had attempted to defend himself with on his first day now carries a foreboding aura” YEAH I’M GETTING PRETTY NERVOUS TOO

WAIT NATHAN IS DEAD? THANK GOODNESS

woah so interesting to learn about neil’s backstory and his reason for not going pro “his offers to join pro teams curled up like dead leaves in a fire” dang, referencing both his burns and his new job? so good

ANDREW MINYARD IMITATING A VALLEY GIRL I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE PLEASE

oo that subtle way of mentioning andrew’s memory

i am so emotional, andrew is just so so good. makes me feel all the feelings ;-;

”andrew sounds like a bristled up cat tail” CUTE!!

i am dying to know what is going on in andrew’s head, during this conversation, when he left his tower to see neil, and really, just throughout this whole fic

woah i really like the way that you had neil describe his asexuality. it’s something that i recognize in myself and i like the way that you handled it.

 >:C 

them drawing each other?? peak cute. i want that to happen to me (have someone who doesn’t know what i look like try and draw me)

”neil waits for him to say more. he doesn’t. oh. that’s why. ‘heh’” LOLOL

you know what, i actually,,, only recognized the name draco malfoy LOL

ANDREW PRETENDING THAT HE DOESN’T ACTUALLY KNOW AARON OH MY GOODNESS. I CANNOT BELIEVE HE PRETENDED TO GET HIS NAME WRONG. “i look like him. but hotter and better dressed” ANDREW HOW GOOD TO YOU DRESS YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST. this whole section is hilarious and really helps lighten the tone and keep things playful

”’why would i wear that?’ andrew’s response is too quick and defensive” *unintelligible screaming*

ANDREW DRAWING NEIL IN TINY RUNNING SHORTS. THIS! MAN! I CAN’T HANDLE HIM

”neil gets into the routine of falling asleep next to his radio, talking to andrew deep into the night, far past his ability to keep his eyes open. they take turns drifting off mid conversation…” this is the softest thing ever

”considering neil’s job is to prevent forest fires, there’s a certain irony in how beautiful the park is when painted the colours of flames” oh (like a good oh)

ANDREW REJECTING NEIL REALLY JUST BROKE MY HEART WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME

”his heart tumbles from his chest and falls to the bottom of the ravine. he doesn’t understand why it was so close to the railings of his ribcage in the first place” this is so so beautiful even though it’s describing something so sad. makes me feel achy

drunk andrew. how is it that you, alexjosten, seem to know everything that i love in a fic?

”neil’s cabin floods with light. how real is neil josten without nathaniel wesninski filling his shell? with a snap, it’s gone.” uh this is so incredible, i love how you split everything up into its own paragraph, their conversation so similar to the storm. ugh i can’t get enough

”still, neil feels the change: the undeniable part of him where his branches have been torn asunder and his bark has been scorched away to expose his core” every time i think that this sentence is the best, and every time you blow me away again. i can’t describe how this sentence makes me feel

the scene of neil rescuing allison and renee fills me with adrenaline, it’s so intense

having the girls recognize neil was like being trapped in a nightmare, there was nothing i could do but read on and see how it ends. dajsflks. but also i really hope that neil got back his jacket and sweater lol

WHAT IN THE WORLD NEIL HAVING TO PLAY A GAME ON CODEINE, RIKO TRYING TO KILL NEIL ON TV, THIS IS SO INTENSE. also, i love what you’ve done with this

dang, how does andrew know kevin?

andrew’s gifts for neil are so cute. i am here just freaking out!!!!

A PUFFBALL DANDELION 

“you sweet, sheltered city child” oh my goodness adorable

”you’re going to go nuts when i tell you what a caterpillar turns into” ANDREW

THE BEAR. THE JUMP

honestly, i’m a little surprised that neil wasn’t supplied with bear spray

”’andrew, i don’t think they’re coming for me.’ ‘of course they’re not.’ neil’s heart sinks. ‘they’re not?’ ‘i am’” KFAJSDFJPOJAFD THIS GLORIOUS INTERACTION WILL FOREVER BE WITH ME

THEM TRAVELLING AND EVERYTHING WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE BECAUSE OF THE DARK. ALSO ANDREW BEING SUPER BUFF AND PICKING NEIL UP NO BIG DEAL

”we had your face on a dart board in the break room” AHHHH

”the only consolation is it smells of the andrew who just walked two hours to rescue him from the side of a cliff, and then spent another two hours carrying him here” i don’t even know what to say

wait andrew knew who neil was the whole time oh my goodness

THE GAME IS ANIMAL CROSSING. this is now and forevermore considered canon! 

ANDREW DROPPING THE GAME HE’S SO TIRED. ANDREW MY BABY

ANDREW’S DRAWING OF NEIL

”half of andrew’s sandwich is in his mouth, and he kind of looks like a hamster” adorable!

okay okay jean and jeremy being the two trading letters? so so good.

THE ENDING WITH ANDREW TELLING STORIES ABOUT NEIL BEING DEAD

the last chapter was amazing, i loved the way that you wrote the interactions between andrew and neil, they fit so well together. i also appreciate that you deviated from the game and had them meet! it is infinitely more satisfying. this was such an easy fic to read, everything felt right. i love your characterization of both of them. to have andrew treat neil the way that he did, knowing who neil was? amazing

also, can i just say that the moodboards that you include at the beginning of each chapter are amazing? they really helped with establishing the tone of the fic.

this fic is so intense, i was constantly amazed by how i was so fully immersed in it. everything that neil felt, i felt. your descriptions were gorgeous and i could not get enough of them. there were so many small details, sentences that were pure gems, that rereading this was just as, if not more, enjoyable than the first time. i really cannot put to words how much i loved reading this. thank you so so much for writing it!

[bigskydreaming]

So this is...its a thing. Let’s go with that. I’ve been calling around LA for pretty much all of last week, going through every oral surgeon I can find to see if they do the surgery I need and what their schedules are like, how soon I could get into surgery, etc, and also I’ve been asking literally everyone I know if they know of anyone, have a referral, etc. Even reached out to this old client of mine from back when I was doing sex work, years and years ago, to see if he knew anyone in LA with connections at Cedars Sinai or another hospital, like, to see if they could even just check with their hospital to see what visiting doctors specialize in that kinda thing. Keeping in touch with people from my sex work days, lol, is not something I normally did, or do. He’s literally the only one, and that’s because it just....kinda happened? *Shrugs* He's not a regular presence in my life or anything like that, just the only one from those days that for various reasons, I kinda kept in casual contact with - which for me pretty much meant that I called him or he called me like, a couple times a year to just be like hey how you been. And it’d been a couple years to be honest, cuz like....*gestures at the last two years* 

LOLOL. I guess I just have very low standards for people keeping in contact with me. Who knows why. One of those inexplicable mysteries I guess.

But point is, he got back to me like, the same day, and acted as a go between for me with this old friend of his, who works at Cedars Sinai as a chaplain, their non-denominational one...last week, at the time, I was only focused on the advice part of the email he sent after he asked around the hospital for recommendations, and it kinda didn’t even register that this guy wasn’t just....had connections at Cedars Sinai, but was actually working there himself (for some reason, I thought he was in a different state when first put in contact with him, whatever). Let alone what his title there was. So he gave a recommendation that I’m following up on today, and I just called the old client of mine who put me in touch with him to clarify a few things he’d say, and it only then hit me where this friend of his worked, and so I asked how long he’d worked there and turns out it was two years.

Which was...when my aunt killed herself. And that was where she worked.

So. Like. This random guy who I’ve never met before, doing a favor for me as a favor for this guy who used to pay me for sex and kinda almost accidentally ended up as like...a casual but distant friend, is literally the guy who was hired to replace my aunt as the non-denominational chaplain at Cedars Sinai when she died two years ago.

And I don’t have the first fucking clue what to do with that?

Like....I’ve always considered myself ‘comfortably agnostic,’ like I’m more than willing to believe a higher power exists, I’m just not all that concerned with forming a definitive idea of what that might be or look like or want. I hate organized religion with a passion because lol, repressive Catholic upbringing, and I’ve just never felt a particular need to go out and look for faith in anything other than myself and like....the things in life I actually value, y’know? I’m of the mindset that like, I figure if I do things cuz they’re the right things to do and try and live a good life where I’m helpful to people and empathetic and compassionate, whatever that Higher Power’s specific deal is, they’re either gonna decide that’s good enough for them when I die, or if its not good enough on its own merits, like...idk why I would even want anything from them or anything to do with them anyway? Like sure God, send me to hell because the only thing that really matters in the end is I didn’t sign up for your official email mailing list or whatever the fuck. Nope. 

So religion and faith and spirituality have never been a big...thing for me, or part of my life, its not something I really feel like, a void for not having or whatever. I don’t have an issue with what anyone else believes or why, up until the point where their personal faith apparently requires them to like....impinge upon my actual life and ability to live it the way I choose to....but I’m not like that dude who goes around trying to poke holes in peoples’ faith, just like...respect that I’m not interested in a sales pitch and we’re cool, y’know? Like my aunt was a chaplain, literally the only person in my family who ever kept in regular contact and like, made a point to check on how I was doing and shit and like...idk, loved me, is I guess the word to use? LMFAO. But like....yeah, she was the only relative I actually felt valued by, and thus the only one I really had anything like a regular or ongoing relationship with....*shrugs* So like yeah, whatever. She believed things that I don’t necessarily NOT believe, but more just have never felt a need to explore or try and decide just WHAT exactly I believe or put a name or a description to it.

And I’ve never been someone who sees signs in stuff that happens, nooooooot a fan of fate or destiny as a general concept and like....I’ve got no problem believing that things like ghosts or demons or anything like that could exist, y’know, things that just can’t be explained by science or anything near to our current understanding of reality at least....I’ve just never had anything remotely close to something I would describe as an encounter with the supernatural, or demonic or divine or anything really...spiritual, I guess?

So.....I don’t know what to feel about this, lol. Like, I’m trying not to read anything into it, like y’know....a sign, haha, not because I wouldn’t like to think that my aunt is still looking out for me in some way, I guess, maybe? Like, of course I’d like to think that, I miss her. A lot. And actually have been randomly thinking about her a bunch lately, like at weird times like, I don’t know what it is that made me stop and think of her, my thoughts go there? So I mean....I’m just saying....it wouldn’t break my brain or upend my entire worldview to accept that could actually happen or be a thing, its more just that I’ve gotten my hopes up so many damn times this past year in specific, that I’m just like....I cant afford to pin my hopes on THIS, like that this is ‘a sign’ that this time, its going to work out? But at the same time, its SO FUCKING SPECIFIC a connection like, and in such a WEIRD fucking round about way, that its pretty much impossible NOT to try and read something into it? Like, the guy who replaced her never even MET her, she’s literally just the woman who had his office before him and well. Is probably just remembered as a depressing story around the hospital, to be totally honest, cuz like, there’s not a lot of follow up that tends to happen when you ask so what happened to her and the answer is well, she killed herself, y’know?

So its like, how do you not get your hopes up even just a little bit, from thinking about that......which I figure means, oops, further to fall and crash and burn if this lead fizzles out too and I got my hopes up for nothing, but if it does pan out, like....I guess that’s kinda the point of faith in a higher power in the first place, lol, to hope for better or believe that there’s a point to all this or a place this all is headed, idk.

But then also now I just fucking miss her too, like, even more than usual, and thinking the shit I’ve tried really really really goddamn hard not to think about for the past two years, like how I know she had her own mental health struggles and even physical health issues, and I know better than to fucking blame her and yet there’s that part of me that wants to fucking throw a tantrum about how i need her and how could she leave me alone with just the rest of my useless fucking joke of a family, but then there’s the other part of me that’s like well I obviously wasn’t the help she needed either, so its not like I’ve got any right to think I was owed her presence or help or anything like that, its just. Idk. I miss her. I need her. I love her, like there’s so many things I want to tell her that I never got the chance to because I didn’t just fucking take the chances I had when they were actually available and there are so many more things I wish she’d told me, and just. I knew she cared, at least. No matter how detached I felt from the rest of my family or just like...fuck family in general, lol, she was the one person there who I never doubted like...just cared. About me. Gave a shit, showed up, wanted me to actually be happy and wanted that to look like whatever I wanted it to look like, didn’t give a fuck what other people thought my happiness should look like or require.

And its just like, maybe this is just a really weird, strange, major coincidence or maybe its a sign of something or proof of something and maybe it doesn’t even matter, bc like...I was just gonna say that its not like I even NEED the answers or to know, but like lol, dumbass, the fact that I’m actually asking the questions or getting worked up over whether or not I actually believe this means something or I just WANT to believe it means something, like, would tend to suggest I’m shitting myself and I DO actually want the answers which suggests maybe I’m not actually as agnostic or at least not comfortable with being agnostic as I’ve told myself, which....oh fucking hell. Am I having an existential crisis? Is that what this is? Jfc I better not be having a fucking spiritual awakening or whatever the fuck, like that is not what I need, this is NOT the time for that, literally nobody asked and I should know, Ive been here the whole time and nope nope nope this guy is not your ‘but the real salvation came from finding strength and purpose in something greater than myself in my most dire time of need’ narrative or whatever like I FUCKING REFUSE, my belief system can go to the BACK OF THE LINE until I’m good and ready to deal with it on MY time, I didn’t sign on to do a rewrite of some modernized Book of Job shit, literally any other thought in my brain is invited to step the fuck right up because THANK YOU, NEXT, I just willingly made an Ariana Grande reference because I can think of nothing more suitably over the top dramatic short of tossing my hair which is much too short to toss but again I insist nooooooooooooooope.

Like, love you and miss you Aunt Diane, and if that is you looking out for me plz know I’m very grateful even tho it totally doesn’t sound like it, but like, you know me well enough to know that I like....object to this timing and context on principle, WHICH YES HELLO I AM AWARE SOUNDS FUCKING STUPID NOW THAT IM TYPING IT OUT YET IT PERSISTS SO LIKE WHATEVER AND STUFF....just. I am me, and thus I shall super gratefully take like....just a smidgen of hope and optimism or whatever from this offering so like, I don’t want to be RUDE, but then Im gonna put the rest of it back in its box and shove it alllll the way to the back of my Pressing Priorities and unpack all that at a very fucking much later date, thank you ever so much, because like....I gotta be me, and I have been partners in crime with my Cynicism for way too long to just bail on him now, like, what kind of person would I be if I just cut and run on the anthropomorphized negative outlook that has helped see me through life oh so jadedly until now? 

Ugh wtf, why am I like this, is it free will or is it God or is God even real or did Cthulu eat god or is God’s actual name Sonya and like I have no clue where I’m going with any of this, look the answer is obviously that a faithless blasphemous heretical fucker has phone calls to make today, and nobody’s finding the light here, nope, nope, NOOOOOPE, my motel’s one shitty lightbulb works GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

[dcarhcarts]

regarding recent absences

And other such updates!

If you want the tl;dr, here it is: my mental health isn’t in the greatest place right now, and I figured I ought to explain why I must ask you for continued patience for the snail speed on this blog. I’m not announcing official hiatus, but just know that I...might continue to be pretty scarce, but I’m trying my best to be here and to be writing here. To hopefully get me more active here, I plan on dropping a few threads and cleaning out my dash re: people who follow me but aren’t writing with me. You’re more than welcome to keep following me if I unfollow you, and if you want to write with me and just haven’t gotten the chance and would like me to re-follow you, pls just go ahead and shoot me an im. I will be making a separate post about both those things, it’s just that I can’t deal with how fast my dash is moving at the moment.

If you care for the long version, under the cut so as to not bother everyone else!!! Be warned that it’s uh...it’s l o n g. TW for depression and anxiety and the general things my brain does to me lolol. 

Wow I haven’t used the post title function in a l o n g time. Anyway, hi, it’s me, Ro, your friendly neighborhood mun of a 20+ muse mumu. Don’t let the kind-of-serious format scare you - nothing bad is happening. I just have a few things that I felt the need to address that have been happening either in my life or just in my screwed up brain :D Buckle in and get ready for the ride, I guess?

Starting with something y’all already know about - I’ve not been here a lot recently. I joke about that a lot, but really, if you catch the pattern, my activity here is: exclusively after 10 pm, 2 drafts at most a day, inbox straight up clogged from like a month ago. IMS basically desolate, because I haven’t worked up the courage to pick them back up since I last forgot about them in the endless stream of things I had to do about a month ago! (that being said, uh, if you want to talk to me your best bet is probably through discord. Ro#6782 - pls, mutuals only, and tell me who you are!)  

And - because I h a t e being that mun that reblogs memes and asks for for them and then never answers their askbox / puts out starter calls when she has 10000 drafts / puts out plotting calls when she has unanswered ims, (no problem at all when other people do this but somehow when it’s m e I’m like “no you’re a terrible person”???? hmmm), I’ve also been avoiding t h o s e. If you’re new and you followed me in the last month, I’ve been putting out n o t h i n g that indicates a willingness to interact with new/more people, while the opposite is true. I’m always willing to interact - if I follow back, I want to write with you, only, well, aforementioned issue aside, I also have m o r e problems.

Namely, IRL and the fucked up thing called my brain. 

As most of you know, I got a job ~end of may or early juuuune~ and....well it’s pretty damn time consuming. I can’t have my phone during the course of my job - by the way, 4 hours - and so in those 4 hours (from 4 pm to 8 pm) I can basically get nothing done here. Then there’s also the fact that the time my shift is placed mentally and physically drains me a lot. Because it starts at 4, most of my morning is spent thinking “god I don’t wanna go to work” and because it ends at 8, most of my evening is spent trying very hard not to doze off. It also drains me a lot socially - I work at a call center, and all day I’m basically calling people who don’t want me to call them and are very irate even when they pick up, and uh, that already doesn’t do well for my anxiety haha. 

The other thing, of course - is my sort-of-seasonal depression. Winter tends to equate to anxiety for me, and summer tends to equate to depression. Again, I think I’ve joked about this a lot, but I apparently can only do drafts when I have 3 finals tomorrow and I haven’t studied for any of them. When it’s break, I get into a really weird slump - when i wake up in the morning, I don’t really want to wake up, and sometimes just stare at the wall for like, an hour. Nothing that I enjoyed during the other months, I seem to enjoy doing now. There’s too much time and too little time. It’s like i spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing meaningful but I can’t break myself out of the cycle so I keep doing that, rinse and repeat day after day, and sometimes my definition of spending time is just lying down in bed again and doing nothing for an hour randomly in the middle of the day. I feel guilty for wasting time as much as I am clueless as to how to fill it in a fulfilling way. “But Ro, you could do drafts!” A Concerned Person May Say. “You like writing!” Well, Kind Person, on some of these days, absolutely n o t h i n g Sparks Joy. 

“But Ro, I follow you on your other blog too!” The Concerned Person might continue.“You’re kind of active there, aren’t you?” And the answer, Kind Person who supported my career even if that blog is mostly obscure af fandoms - is yes.  I am kind of active on my other blog, @storyblcd. This brings us to the third and final reason why I’m.....moving at snail’s speed here, and that, my good friend - is anxiety. Well, mixed with a certain amount of mental exhaustion, of course. Note: this is n o t anyone’s fault. People’s interactions with me have not been negative - and they are not responsible for how my brain chooses to reaact to it. 

I’ve not lost muse for the muses on this blog, per se - but I’m getting burned out really fast writing them, for multiple reasons. First, muse imbalance. Now I know, I definitely k n o w - that sometimes people like one muse more than another, or have more interest in writing with one or the other, and I get that. I’ve said multiple multiple times that that is p e r f e c t l y fine. But honestly the reason I’ve lasted so long on a multimuse is because I can pick which muse I have muse for when, and I can respond accordingly / ask for interactions accordingly. But when I get so many people coming at me at once for the o n e muse when I have t w e n t y it sometimes gets a little? Discouraging? It makes me question whether or not only that one muse is popular for a reason. It also exhausts me re: the portrayal of that muse, because I”m putting out so many replies for that muse in a lot of sort of similar plots/scenarios that I just get burnt right out. And then I get scared that if I keep going I’ll want to drop the muse, so I’m staying away from those threads a little bit.

Second, I’m at a point in my portrayal of certain muses where I feel like there’s a certain expectation for how it’s going to be. My personal feelings aside, I think every mun expects their own portrayal to be different and unique and exciting - and it’s not different for me, only now I feel like the expectation and the pressure of coming up with something good and meaningful outweighs the feeling of exploration as I’m “discovering” the muse. Like most writers - I still crave validation, though more and more lately, I’m at a place in my writing where I f e e l like me from 2 months ago could have probably done a better job. While it’s not necessarily true, and these pressures are coming from m e and not any outside source, I f e e l like I have to consistently Make Good Writing, and simultaneously feel like some days I sit down and I try to do drafts and all I write is garbage. It just - doesn’t feel the same? So - more and more, I’m staring at the empty drafts page and then closing it - because if I don’t w r i t e I don’t have to admit I peaked two months ago.  

Both of these reasons have made me rather a bit avoidant of my muses here / this blog. Now, I’ve been struggling with anxiety for long enough that I know that a lot of this is - well, p r o b a b l y just my brain lying to me. See even as I’m writing this post now, my anxiety is saying “haha guess what n o one cares you’ve been gone” and my rational Anxiety-is-a-stupid-asshole voice is saying “nahhhhhh your brain is probably just lying to you.” But! In the battle, anxiety is kind of pummeling me now. I will r i s e again and win the war, most likely - but for now it’s anxiety: 1 and ro: 0.

AND finally - if you made it all the way down here, you’re a c h a m p. The solution! Well, as much of a solution as I’m hoping to get anyway - we’ll have to see if it implements well. I’m going to unfollow a few blogs so I can get my dash cleaner/more organized/less fast-moving and b r e a t h e. I’m going to drop a couple of threads, I might make a couple more muses request only/exclusive only for the like 2 people that have threads with them, I might drop a couple muses (though I don’t think this will really happen, Idk tho). There will be separate posts on those things coming soon, this is just to notify y’all. Thank you for all of your patience, thank you for all the wonderful people who’ve allowed me to write with you, I love all of you!!!!

[mysmewiththatstraightshit]

angstangstangst. can i have headcanons of how the rfa + v would react to MC being brainwashed by rika and lead into mint eye?

Yes absolutely !! I know my writing on here so far has been super cuddly stuff, but I actually have a dark side to my writing too ;^) just ask Mod Fen.

Anyways, this will be taking place in the “Another Story” plot line, except MC assumedly gets even closer to the RFA members before MC ends up manipulated by Rika to join Mint Eye and, eventually, goes through the pain of the elixir and becomes completely devout and loses all sense of self. Onwards, yes? :^)

This got quite long and EXTREMELY angsty, so join me under the cut for tears!

Zen

Zen is known for attaching to the MC very quickly through pretty much any route. Zen adores the MC, feeling his face hurt from smiling so much as they’re always excited to see him and his selfies, and he feels like for once things are okay. He’s okay.

He’s used to being the bright and positive one, so it’s nice to get a break from that with the MC-they stay strong through it all and Zen just wants so badly to be strong and let MC take a break. They’ve done so much for everyone.

However, when the MC begins getting more and more distant, Zen grows more and more worried. He tries to hide it, but he’s obviously asking about MC more, asking how they are, if they visited the chatrooms…

As MC obviously grows more distant and distraught, and there’s obvious somethings wrong, Zen desperately tries to reach out to them more.

“MC….you dont have to go through all this alone. the RFA is here for you… im here for you. id drop everything for you.”

But the MC says everythings okay, and pushes Zen away, which just hurts the more they do it. Zen tries to act tough, but he’s working out, drinking, practicing, pushing himself in every way so he’s not wondering if MC is okay, because he knows the answer, and he knows they won’t talk about it

As the MC becomes more cryptic and more obvious about their beliefs, Zen becomes more panicked. He’s obviously trying to keep his calm, but this shit is starting to freak him the fuck out. There’s obviously way more to this than he originally thought.

“salvation…? what do you mean salvation? if theres something wrong, MC, please…you can reach out to us. it doesnt matter what time it is or what we’re doing. if youre struggling this much… please, talk to us. we’re here for you.”

His heart breaks when he offers to show a selfie jokingly and they flat out reject him.

But he tries to stay strong. He has to stay strong. If the MC is going to be okay, if he’s going to help them, he has to stay strong for them. Even when the MC is entirely on Mint Eye’s side, even when things are explained better by V, Zen still hangs onto the hope of that once bright and cheery MC. The MC he loves. If he can stay strong, he can bring them back.

But it’s when he talks to the MC again that he finally realizes that they’re gone. They’re distant, they’re hurt, they’re broken, what happened in Mint Eye had taken all the shine out of their eyes, the pep out of their talk, and Zen feels everything in him shrivel up, feels his chest tighten, feels both this overwhelming need to lie down and never get up, but also to scream and trash everything in the room.

He ends up drinking instead, and all he can do is go between his memories of the MC-bright and brilliant, always jumping for joy at the mention of his selfies, to now, where the MC feels nothing, nothing for the RFA, nothing for him, just believes in salvation and pain.

He considers it for a moment. Joining Mint Eye to be with them. But he knows it wouldn’t be the same anyways. He’d continue this fight on the right side, even if it meant going against them. But his spirit was broken. The once always positive Zen was gone.

He felt as if part of him had left and he’d never get that back. And so he just keeps drinking.

Yoosung

Yoosung had been struggling with college, his growing depression, and the loss of Rika, as well as the distrust of V. Yoosung felt torn and hopeless, and he felt like everyone around him was moving on and away without him.

So when the MC appeared, bright and smiling, willing to lend not only a hand but an ear as well, hearing out his concerns and his questions, understanding why he was stuck where he was, he was sure he’d met an angel. Someone sent by Rika, someone as brilliant, as beautiful, as wonderful as Rika.

For once in a while, he feels hope. True hope. Not the temporary distraction of LOLOL, not everyone’s attempts at trying to console him falling flat against the pain of his heart. No, true hope. He feels like if he can just reach out to MC, he can finally pull himself forward. He can be with everyone again.

But then that light in his life, only just beginning to warm his heart, begins to fade. Part of him panics, clutches to the MC, asking how they’re doing, if they’re okay, if they can call, if they can get on soon… he just desperately needs to know if they’re okay.

As they get more and more distant, he gets more and more panicky. He lashes out at V, knowing V knows more about the situation than anyone in the RFA and knowing V isn’t doing anything about it, knowing Seven isn’t pushing things, knowing everyone trusts V. He hates it. He likely ends up at Zen’s only to scream and cry while checking the chatroom again and again and again. If no one else cares, he will. Someone’s gotta listen to them, too.

As they begin to get more cryptic, more obvious, Yoosung is much more impulsive and bolder. Zen can barely get a grip on him and calm him down when it comes to V, and Yoosung never spends a moment outside the chatroom. He can’t lose them. He can’t lose them. It’d be losing her all over, and he can’t handle that. Not again.

“MC, whatever your talking about, whatevers going on…please!!! please, return to us, return to your happy self… we’re all so worried, im so worried…i cant stop visiting the chatroom, hoping youre there so maybe we could talk…ive been nagging V to tell us something, anything! please, stay strong… we’ll save you! i promise!”

But they do leave. They give in. They’re gone. Yoosung can feel it the last time they talk. In the moment he knows, but his body doesn’t. He’s just numb for a bit. Zen’s a bit shocked to see him finally calm. But it’s a scary calm. And part of that scares Zen even more.

Yoosung seeks out just about anything to feel better. He rushes out of the house constantly, middle of the night, when Zen’s in the bathroom, whenever he can to be alone and just scream or cry or slam his fists against a wall. He plays video games with fire in his eyes but nothing else. It’s all so painfully numb.

It takes everything the RFA has to keep Yoosung back from talking to Rika or the MC-they know he’d turn to Mint Eye’s side in an instant. Zen especially is in tears as he physically holds Yoosung, screaming and crying, trying to get him to calm down or stop himself from running off trying to find Rika or the MC. He sees the light gone from Yoosung’s eyes and it terrifies him.

Yoosung lost Rika. And now he’s lost MC. And finally, he loses himself.

Jaehee

Jaehee works and she works and she works and she just works. That’s her life, that’s her job, that’s her free time, that’s her pain. She focuses on work, even through everything happening in the RFA-hell, the RFA is part of her work as well.

So it brightens her up a lot to have the MC, who she once distrusted so much, be like her own little cheerleader. Always on her side, always cheering her on, always there to fangirl about Zen with, always there to make life a little less about work and a little more about…herself.

She works with a spring in her step, knowing that she’ll get to be greeted on the messenger by the MC, bright and shining, excited about the newest Zen selfie, or perhaps just glad to see Jaehee get a break. Either way, Jaehee finds a reason to laugh again while typing away reports.

So when Jaehee logs in one day to see that the MC has grown distant, Jaehee feels something drop in her chest. She tries not to jump to conclusions, instead, trying to urge the MC to open up more, to talk to the RFA, to trust in them…

“I understand you’re in a complicated situation right now. Even we’re not entirely sure what’s going on…but you should not lose hope. We are right here for you, and we’re ready to take action when the time comes. V would not let anything harm you, and I believe the rest of the RFA feels the same…”

As Jaehee visits whenever she can, the MC grows more and more distant and empty, and Jaehee feels everything in her grow cold and barren as the MC becomes cryptic as well. The word salvation echoes and bounces painfully in Jaehee’s head, and she’s terrified. She’s so fucking scared for the MC but all she can do is stare at the words on a screen.

She works double hard on the Intelligence Team. Jumin is somewhat impressed by the gusto in Jaehee’s work, but it’s not excitement, passion, or any of that. It’s hurry. It’s chugging down coffee knowing that any moments she doesn’t spend making this team perfect could mean losing MC.

But it’s useless. Like she had always felt, like it had always been, her efforts were useless. The MC was gone. The MC was no longer on the RFA’s side. V’s secrets come out into the open, but Jaehee feels no relief, no satisfaction. Just more pain and twists and drops in her chest as she pieces everything together.

She goes through everything like a robot. She feels empty. Zen can tell somethings up when Jaehee doesn’t even react to a selfie of him. However, Jaehee pushes everyone’s concerns away, reassuring them that she’s fine, and they must focus on Mint Eye and saving V, and if possible, the MC.

But she’s lost. She’s so lost. The one thing in her life to make her smile as she works was gone. No, not just gone. Jaehee saw them once they had turned over, the way they spoke. They were broken. They were beyond whatever concerns the RFA had. Something worse had happened to them.

And Jaehee could never forgive herself for that. She can’t forgive herself for letting someone so bright and beautiful break like that. And so she does what she’s always done best. She works, and she works, and she works.

If overtime and coffee can kill a person, Jaehee’s headed for Death’s Road like a paper to a shredder. And she can’t care enough anymore to stop it.

Jumin

Jumin doesn’t care much for feelings. He doesn’t care much for the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of people who understand him, who want to take the time to care about him.

At least, he thought he didn’t care.

But there’s something in that that changes as he gets to know the MC, opening up more and more entirely on accident, smiling more and more as the MC laughs at his jokes no one gets, as the two talk business, philosophy, politics-he could talk with them for days about anything.

And he feels some part of him loosen, feels that tangle in his head, that knot, loosen bit by bit as they care about him and ask how he’s doing, what he’s doing, what new project he has planned. It’s not like anything he’s ever felt before. Nothing like Rika, and similar to V. This comfort and security of trusting someone.

When the MC begins getting distant however, he inwardly panics. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, what to feel. He just knows he’s feeling hell. His chest tightening, his head hurting. He offers what he can. Which are formal words, repeated phrases barely different from chats before. Believe in V. We will take action when the time calls for it.

But he wishes so badly he could say more. He doesn’t know what, but he wishes he could say something.

The point where he begins to let go of the iron grip he had on his emotions is when the MC becomes cryptic and empty. He begins getting somewhat harsh, very direct with them, asking them what the hell they were thinking, what got them into this, why they were so fucking obsessed with salvation

He gets terrified when they begin talking like Rika. He feels sick. He feels dizzy. He can’t focus. This can’t be happening.

But it is. And it does. Despite him hurrying the progress of the intelligence agency, despite his panicked calls to V, despite using every god damn inch of his brain to find the right thing to say or do, he loses them just as easily as he lost Rika, as he lost V. And it breaks him down, breaks him completely apart and wide open, emotions pouring out of a broken dam.

Everyone is shaken up seeing Jumin like this. In these situations, Jumin was always level headed. He was always calm. He was Jumin Han. He didn’t have emotions the way everyone else did. And yet Jaehee watched him drink wine like a motherfucker, Zen watched as his teasing did nothing to even provoke some dumb joke out of Jumin, and most of all, V is worried as he calls Jumin, hearing his best friend break down more and more with every call.

Jumin eventually tries to clean himself up. When V explains the situation more clearly, Jumin tries to go back to his old self, focusing on business, on leadership, on efficiency. But he slips up again, and again, and again, and he can’t stop. He can’t stop and he hates it. Why can’t it just stop like it did before. Why did it ever have to change in the first place if it was just going to end like this?

Jaehee can only watch Jumin in silence as he reads over the papers about Rika and Mint Eye. As he slowly pieces together what had happened to the MC to hurt them, to take away everything they were. All against their will. Innocent from the start, now broken. 

Jaehee sees Jumin break as well as he quietly asks for her to leave the room.

Seven

Seven was a mess from the start, and he accepted its what he deserved, what he needed, just a part of him, and that it didn’t matter so long as he got the job done and Saeran was safe as well as the RFA.

That is, that’s how it was until MC started caring about him.

His dumb ad’s, his exaggerated shenanigans, his moments of weakness-the MC embraced it all. And even in moments where he panicked, where he lashed out, over call or over text, sometimes even in the chatroom, the MC would only return with warmth and kindness.

They insisted that he mattered too, that he was a good person, that he did good things, that he was protecting good people. Good. Somehow, the MC thought he was good. He was baffled.

There was some point where he began believing them, too. He started to try and take care of himself, started trying to eat full meals, clean up a little, made all sorts of programs and alarms to get him focused. He hated letting anyone in, but he already found himself brightening because of the MC.

So of course he’s beyond worried when they begin to grow distant and the hacker’s patterns start changing. He’s questioning them, he’s questioning V, he’s doing all the god damn research he can. It’s only a bad feeling, but his bad feelings are never truly just a bad feeling.

But V won’t budge, and neither will the hacker. Seven feels the panic skyrocket as the MC grows empty and cryptic, and he feels like screaming every time secrets are brought up. He leaves a million calls for V as he messes around with something, anything, making things, breaking things, hacking, he just tries to find anything to occupy his mind that isn’t the MC being in danger.

He damn near strangles his phone talking to V once the MC is gone. Damn secrets to hell, what happened to them? Seven is beyond freaked out, he’s chewing his nails, his fingers, he’s typing up a storm, texting up a storm, he’s taking bites out of chips and cookies before throwing them out, he’s dropping cans carelessly onto the floor and he’s skipping meals.

All that progress he made is easily gone the moment MC is gone.

Even Vanderwood is concerned as Seven prepares himself without cracking a single joke, without any sort of rebuttal to Vanderwood’s complaints about the mess. “This isn’t for the agency,” Vanderwood can tell. “Maybe it’s for me for once,” Seven shrugs. “Depending on how this goes, you can kick my ass later.”

Seven can save V, but when he’s there, when he reaches out to MC, telling them to quietly come with him, to escape, he finds everything in him turn to stone and shatter as they refuse. They’ve found salvation. But they say it with such pain. They say it with nothing in their eyes.

They say it the way Seven would tell the RFA not to worry about him. And that hurts Seven more than anything.

Seven hauls ass to get him and V out there. But as he fights the hacker, he feels himself losing in everything. In fighting, in the agency, in protecting Saeran, in figuring all this out. What’s the point anymore? What’s the point when they’re gone?

After V explains the situation to Seven, Seven feels what little was left of himself crumble away. And V watches in pain as all traces of the hopeful little boy Seven once was fade away.

And Seven says, in such pain, with nothing in his eyes, “Don’t worry about me.”

V

V grows closest to the MC easily. He finds it odd, as he realizes that they’re nothing like Rika, that they don’t feel even the slightest bit similar to Rika, and yet he’s almost comforted by that fact.

He opens up, opens up what he once thought was locked up tight and shut closed, to the MC, and he feels like the dark parts of him can shine again. He feels the dead grass and flowers in his heart begin to try and bloom again.

As he tries to find out more and more about Mint Eye, about what Rika’s doing, he finds himself growing more and more protective of the MC. He hardly knows if he can actually trust them, but he feels like he can. He feels that they’re innocent. And if that’s the case, he has to save them. He has to protect them. He can’t let their light go out.

But that moment where Ray pulls the MC way, that moments where V has to run away, has to hide without them, he becomes so afraid. He saw the look in MC’s eyes. He hears their tone over calls. He can see the way they shake as they text. They’re afraid. They’re alone. They’re vulnerable. And V can’t be there.

V finds himself falling farther and farther into his depression and self blame as the MC grows darker and darker. He doesn’t want to give his all again, fearing what happened with Rika would happen again, but he uselessly watches the MC grow more and more distant, more and more apathetic

With great fear, with the biggest twist of his heart, he’s realizing that he’s watching them slowly become more and more like Rika.

He begs them to believe in him, trust him, to talk to him, even just leaving voice calls when he can’t answer. But the secrets are too much for the both of them, and V can see Rika’s influence dripping like a venom from each of MC’s words. He can see Rika tearing apart all the brightness they had. And it kills him to just watch.

When there’s finally the chance to escape, the chance to leave with Seven, and they reject, V refuses to leave as well. He didn’t want this to happen. He never wanted there to be an innocent as pure and as bright as MC to be dragged into this, never mind get so twisted and broken by Rika’s words and drugs. And the fact that he let this happen, the fact that he felt in his heart that this all began because of him in the first place. He couldn’t even sacrifice himself now to save them. No, he was too late. He wasn’t good enough again. He was a fool blinded by love.

and so V tells Seven with a heavy heart, “I don’t deserve an escape.”

- Mod Grim

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Wear your peace . . .

Yeah, I like that, a lot actually.   8-15-21

 " . . .being young is great but being yourself is better." - Veronique Vienne

 I don't believe that most people know how to be . . .about somebody else(s). Especially about all somebody else(s). I mean not really.

Those people out in the world who try to do right, regardless of what level of trying they’re in, are at least making positive impacts. Though I still fall short from time to time, I feel like this is the category I’m in.

Parents say to kids that they should know better when they think that discipline is needed. As an adult who has come up short in this arena myself, I am thinking that knowing isn’t always enough for kids, where it should be for adults.  They truly might know the difference between right and wrong, but all based on their level of "trust" that lies in you. Not understanding the impact of the action might mean that they’re missing the learning curve they need to understand it.

As human beings, it’s how we do, how we learn most things in those most crucial first several years of life. Reason and understanding comes into play at such a young age. Man, how parents just wish their kids would do what they’re told and when. But without the whys, hows, and what fors, are they really becoming their own people??

This is reflected in great part by the way adults are right now. Look around. Those we don’t agree with as well as those we do, who are, essentially . . .us.

And while we're on this subject of kids, who screams at toddlers? Why? Because you can't control yourself? Surely you haven't convinced yourself that it’s for their own good, right? Or are you one of those unfortunates who don’t see how your screaming at them is the same as others who scream at their kids? That last part might just be worse, for everyone.

I’m getting off track a bit I suppose, and it’s all so sensitive a subject for me. Plus, it’s probably one that most of my limited regular readers don't agree with me on either.

Children's physical discipline, politics, and of course, religion are topics that I do try to say my piece on, receive as well as I can from others, and try to keep emotion in check at the same time, my emotion and theirs. It's not a perfect science by a long shot. Lolol Never being taught how to have mature conversations on things like these, have ended us up right here. No better example than to just look around from your social media to your real life.

Living, again, in a part of the country where the largest part of the population is on the other side of such very important matters is difficult sometimes, and not always because of "them". Sometimes it's me. Not my side mind you, but me. There are even times where if I find out something new that a large part of the people here agrees on, before knowing or researching or anything my gut assumes I'll be opposed. It doesn't always end up like that, but it feels swayed from jump street a lot. A predisposition to oppose everything in the area that never let me think I had a choice as a kid.

Greatest discovery ever, was finding out that not only do I have a choice, I have a fucking voice too. Now I thrive, and my kindness, and loving opinions of others get me further along than ever, and for good reason.

Maybe side tangents were where this entry was headed.

And those unrealistic expectations that we all seem to struggle with putting on other people. . .  well, children qualify as those other people. They're the best of those other people. If the tiny humans of your life do tiny human things and it upsets you terribly maybe examine yourself, not them.  How can you not expect kids to act like kids, especially the littler ones?

I've been that parent. It’s terribly sad, for the parent later, and more over for the kid now, and for always.

Dale Carnegie said that "success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get." I say once you figure out how to make them the same you've made it. To fit together a piece about peace, gratitude, and overcoming isn’t always easy, even if it seems repetitive to some. Tying notes together like string theory is just what you get sometimes.  It leads where it leads and turns out how it was supposed to.

So, wear your peace but help them try theirs on too. Their peace is just as important, maybe even more so. As children grow, the chances of them out growing their peace will grow too, so they need to try on new pieces of peace. It our job to help them do this.

If having a child makes you change your life for the better, then show that gratitude as they end up being your unsung hero, but don't give them too big a title to live up to if you are going to continually fail for them.  

That's only confusing if you don’t understand. If you feel it then you just know.

Is this one more for me?

Possibly.

You be the judge. What’s your takeaway??

Remember to stay on point though. Kindness is still our mission, if you are so inclined to join me in it. And the gratitude almost speaks for itself.

We were kids once. Do try and remember, so you can correlate how relative it all is now.

Until next week;

"Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me." - Fred Rogers