#really thought i’d posted this one whoopsie!!

[gumy-shark]

Curious what episode / chapter sold you on mp100

oh season 1 episode 3 for sure. before that, i was just watching along bc my sibling wanted to show me the thing they liked- ep3 was when it got REAL!! it was the last of the 3 setup episodes- the first was to introduce you to the world and main characters, the second was to introduce you to mob specifically, and the third episode was there to introduce the main overarching conflict of mob vs his own emotions! ep3 is the one that tells you, there is SO much more going on here, we’ve only scratched the surface!

(also the emotions in that episode are so good. and 100% rage is so awesome. and mob’s struggles with relating to his peers and the way others reacted to his flat affect was just deeply compelling and heartbreaking to me.)

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week's writer's spotlight feature is: @pearynice! With twenty-eight Stranger Things works, they've written twenty-seven fics tagged with Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson!

Nominated by @hotluncheddie, they recommend the following works by peachesandpears:

Talk to Me

Personally

Starched Collars

In your eyes

they are so lovely and so talented!! so many short and sweet pieces - that so often seem to touch and soft squishy part hidden away within me, put a little bandaid on it <3 - @hotluncheddie

Below the cut, @pearynice answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I’ve always loved the “opposites attract” trope. While Steddie is the first ship I’ve ever seriously written for, in the past this dynamic has always been my go to (ie: destiel lol) but Steddie specifically because I think Stranger Things is a great show with compelling characters, and that Eddie and Steve deserve a happy ending. And for me that happy ending will always have them with each other.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love AUs. Love seeing the little blorbos in as many situations as possible. I love being able to see how writers take what we know about these characters and make it into a whole new story. (But especially a soulmate AU. I loveeee a soulmate AU.)

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I think anyone who follows me can probably guess hurt/ comfort and fluff. I LOVE making these boys suffer and then smooch about it. 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

AH okay I will scream about this fic until I’m blue in the face (I actually submitted an ask to this blog about it because I think it’s criminally under-viewed!) it’s As the World Falls Down by daeneryske on Ao3. I read this MONTHS ago and I still think about it all the time. It’s long but god I wish it would never end. I want to tattoo it on the inside of my eyelids.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Yes!! I can’t say much because it’s for my Reverse Big Bang but they both contain tropes I’ve never worked with before and I’m so so excited to be writing both of them!!! I’m already having so much fun! And a goal of mine for 2024 is to broaden my writing horizons a little and explore tropes and topics that I haven’t yet, so I don’t really have any specifically in mind but that is my general plan!

What is your writing process like?

Very chaotic. I almost never write an outline. It’s pure vibes baby. And when I DO write an outline I almost never follow it (whoopsie) I feel like as I write the plot comes to me, and outlines tend to pigeon hole me so I can’t get myself out of writing slumps.

Do you have any writing quirks?

Maybe my overuse of italics?  I also don’t really know how to describe it but sometimes when I’m writing heavy action scenes/ emotional scenes I’ll start and stop sentences before they’re complete sentences. Like: “Steve says nothing. Sits down next to his father and looks over his shoulder.” I don’t know if that’s a writing quirk or not lol but that tends to be how I structure my sentences.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Definitely after I’ve finished. Once I’m on a deadline I psych myself out.

Which fic are you most proud of?

That’s such a hard one, because I think I’m proud of a lot of my fics but for very different reasons. I think if I had to choose, I’d pick Blood of the Covenant. It’s one of my more recent fics, and I had toyed around with a Wayne POV fic for such a long time before writing because I wanted to get it right. It was hard to find his voice but I think in the end I executed it well.  

How did you get the idea for Talk to Me?

Well besties I dunno how personal we want to get here, but the inspo for this fic (and tbh a lot of my hurt/ comfort fics) is just based on my own experiences. Growing up my mom did not have the capacity to tend to the thoughts and emotions of her kids, ergo me pushing that shit into a Steddie fic. Obviously what I wrote as Steve’s experience and mine are not directly parallel, but that is how I got the idea.

When writing Starched Collars, what was something you didn’t expect?

That was my first heavy hurt/comfort fic that I wrote, and I remember being really blown away that people could relate so heavily to Steve’s experiences. I remember I had some comments saying that they felt really comforted seeing their own experiences reflected within Steve, and I just never expected my writing to be able provide that for someone. 

What inspired Personally?

Well, again, we’re getting a little personal (babum tss)- but how I wrote Steve’s mom reacting to him mentioning the sunglasses is definitely how my own mom tends to react when I express any kind of negative emotion around her. In this case it was a lost parking stub instead of sunglasses.

What was your favorite part to write from Talk to Me?

The COMFORT- that’s always my favorite part. Making it better! (Although it is also a little fun leaving the angsty cliffhanger- but I will ALWAYS make my fics have a happy ending.) But also I’m a little in love with the idea I had that Eddie likes to rub on Steve’s stomach until he falls asleep. I thought that wrapped up the story very nicely.

How do/did you feel writing Personally?

It was honestly very therapeutic. I don’t think I’ve ever word-vomited out a fic more rapidly than I did for that one. I wrote that in my notes app in one afternoon, read through it once or twice, and posted. It was a relief to get all of that out in writing, and then even better to see that other people found comfort in what I had written. 

What was the most difficult part of writing Starched Collars?

When I was first drafting the fic I was going to have Starched Collars and In Your Eyes (the kinda sorta sequel) be one in the same. I spent a long time trying to balance the two narratives, before I realized it was just too much to fit into one fic. Having both detracted from the other’s story too much, and eventually I had it just focusing on Steve. I think this was the best move but I spent so long trying to strike that balance before I scrapped it.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I don’t know if I can name any one scene or line as explicitly my favorite, but the final scene of Because it’s Steve it’s absolutely a favorite. That whole fic is very special to me because it reflects a lot of my own thoughts/feelings/experiences on being demi, and that final scene is just exactly how I experience my demisexuality. (I’m not sure how long this can be, but I’ll insert the passage here): 

And they’re still in this disgusting bathroom. There’s still a toilet behind Eddie’s knees, but when Steve’s mouth meets his, it doesn’t matter. Because one of Steve’s arms wraps around his middle, his fingers dip into the spaces between his ribs, their chests touch, and it all feels so good. Because it’s Steve. And it’s still Steve who kisses him, still Steve who licks into his mouth, still Steve who nearly sends them both stumbling into the disgusting toilet. And because it’s Steve it’s so funny that Eddie can’t stop laughing, and there’s a blush high on Steve’s cheeks as he tells Eddie to stop it. But then Steve kisses him again. Asks if he wants to go and find Robin and Nancy. If he wants to dance. With him. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

YES. So Because it’s Steve is now a series: Demi/Virgin!Eddie, with all of Eddie’s firsts with Steve. This is very smutty but it’s also like, the sappiest, most disgustingly fluffy smut I’ve ever written. I would say it’s “schmoopy” but I was outed as an Old Lady on Discord because apparently no one uses that word anymore. ALSO- and maybe this is still too far away BUT I am working on TWO Reverse Big Bang pieces and… you guys… my artists are so talented and kind and their brains are so big and so far I’ve gotten along with each of them so well and I am already so excited to post these and we’ve only just begun. I cannot wait until we can make our visions into an entire fic!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add? 

YES- whoever nominated me for this (I don’t know if that’s something they’ll tell me??) THANK YOU- this is so sweet. I feel so honored that someone thought of me as deserving of this. There are so, so many authors you could've chosen and you chose ME! That’s just- insane. Thank you.  And to anyone who has said they found my hurt/ comfort fics relatable in any way, I rain all of the platonic hugs/ forehead kisses/ handshakes/ high fives/ nods of the head upon you. ❤️✨

Thank you to our author, @pearynice, and our nominator, @hotluncheddie! See more of @pearynice's work featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer's Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[kinzuti]

Shout out to all these authors & fanfics

Murder Drones ver.

I swear I feel like fanfics are part of my daily life now. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Hey, least I get my daily reading in I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but you’re not here to ponder read about that. You’re here to see some shout outs.

P.S I’m not very descriptive so apologies for that. I just wanted to shout out some of these fanfics and authors because I visit their fanfics about almost every single day so I just thought “oh why the hell not. I’m just going to blog about it.”

Authors & Works

Lady Daybreaker

Oh my god I love their work series Ad Astra Per Aspera it’s just so good. And I’m going to be honest, this series is the reason why I love Nori now so much now it’s not funny. The series just adds more to the story for Murder Drones and again, I love it so much that I join their server. Never interact on their though because I am a bit of a coward I guess. If you want to see more to the story I’d suggest checking their MD fanfics.

Solgalleta

At first, I wasn’t very interested in most of their fanfics (mostly because crossover stuff) till I just told myself to give them a shot because why not. Their description for their stories were so interesting and intriguing that I just had to. And now, they’re the reason why I am interested in Monster Hunters now and I may try to get one of the games or such. So far I’ve read Beauty And The Monster, In The Ring series, Muted Manor, Little Purple Riding Hood And The Big Bad Stygian Zinogre, Sugar Spun Straight From Hell, To Guard A Goddess, Kaiju Girl Uzi, & Distorted Deals.

I do want to try to read more of their past works which I am going to try to do soon. These works were all just so good, if you’re interested in crossovers like Pokémon or Monster Hunter, or just interesting concepts outside of the Murder Drones universe. Then check their stories out!

InspiredDragonWriter

The first work I’ve ever read from them was I believe Sure!You Can Date Our Mama! Which augh/pos it’s really good so far and I adore the lil cuties in the fanfic already. I’m more of an Nuzi fan myself but I also adore InspiredDragonWriters ver. of Sam that I ship SmokeyBats (Sam/Uzi) now. I know what it’s like to love a random character so much in the background of the show/game/etc that I start to make up what their personality and interests are. I won’t say who that random character is but I will say their not from Murder Drones ha.

I’ve also read One Night, A Promise And A Whoopsie-Daisy which there is only one chapter as of now but I love it so much that I had to mention it. I’d suggest checking these works out when you can and want too ofc.

GameCube19

GameCube, oh my god. What have you gotten yourself into/pos. So far the only works they’ve posted are Broken Balance and Broken Balance Specials which go together. And my god, I did expect this work to go up to 111 chapters. 111. I started reading when it was only 11 chapters in. I am predicting at this point that this work will reach up to 1M words tbh, right now it’s word count is at 724,206. Anyways that’s not the point. What I want to say about this work is that I love it. I love the story, how long it is, the concepts, just wow. I mean, this can basically be its own story at this point. Loved it so much that I joined their server. If you’re interested in a Fantasy AU of Murder Drones I’d suggest reading it.

Astrachigo

First thing I’ve read from them is The Royals Blood which is so good I love it. It’s a vampire/royalty AU which is mmm, so good. Then To Be Heard came out which I am obsessing over because I have this knack for mute AU’s which I don’t know why but I just do. I also love the fact that Uzi and N in this work love and make music. Music is just part of my daily life I cannot go through a day without listening to a song or 10. I’ve also read “I Am Always There For You.” Which is also good. If you’re interested in these, please go check them out!

Daarkxwolf17

I’ve only read one work from them and I LOVE it and it’s concept. It’s so unique and sooo good. It’s called The Angel My Mother Sent Me. And I’ve been listening to the playlist they’ve made based off the story and now I have a few new favourite songs and a new playlist saved in my Spotify. Their art of the fic too is just muah so good. If you’re interested in guardian angels or just that type of concept I guarantee you will love this fic.

CoffeeTheDragon

Now remember when I said that I- *Searches through my tabs* okay why is it not here?! GOD DAMNI- *Spends 5 minutes looking for it again and saving it to my tab group* Ahem, now, remember when I said I had a knack for mute AU’s (Muted Minor and To Be Heard) well here’s another one. Blinding Steps Of Places Long Forgotten (FireBitten) I absolutely obsessed over this fic when I first found out about it. It’s interesting title, another mute AU, and Uzi having cute fluffy bat ears. Yep, she has bat ears and I love it. Read it if you please.

Spero11

There is one work of Murder Drones they made and it is called By Chance and I only started reading it like 2 weeks ago. Oh my god. I love it so much, it’s great, it’s adorable, and I just want them (N and Uzi) to be happy pls. I’m a bit mad at myself for not taking the chance sooner to read it. It’s so good, go check it out if you love Streamer AU’s.

HeyTiny

They’ve only posted one work of Murder Drones called Bus Stop but it’s so good. It’s been so adorable so far and it’s a songfic which I believe means it’s inspired by a song. I’m going to try to listen to it eventually. Go check it out if you can.

Electrozeitsyking/SkipBack

I love this persons Ghost Drone AU please go check that AU out but they also have some other great AU’s in other fandoms which I have seen briefly. Love their art too. They also have this fic related to the Ghost Drone AU which is called Ghost Drone so if you’ve seen their artwork on their ghost AU and love it please go check out the fanfic they’ve made! If you want to ofc.

WolfHeart87

Okay so if you know and follow kklog then you may remember this post based off thecosmiccrows headcanon. And if you loved that post and loved the concept of DD’s acting like birds then you may love Courtship Rituals of a Disassembly Drone written by the author mentioned above. It’s so adorable and as soon as I saw a fic inspired by that post I had a huge rush of serotonin and immediately read the fic. Go read it if you loved the post kklog made.

———————————————————————

That’s basically it as for now. I swear there are more fics I want to mention so I may just edit more in later. It’s like midnight for me right now when I finish this so tbh. I may just wake, realise I posted this, and ponder wether or not to delete it haha. I may not though because I don’t want all this work to go to waste plus I do want to mention these works and share them because I just absolutely love them, I know I said that multiple times but I really do.

I look back to see if they update and it makes my day just to reread them or just read the new chapters when they come out. I really do feel like fan fiction has taken over my life lol. But eh, I don’t think that’s to much of a bad thing :)

If I made some mistakes just let me know and I’ll edit it.

[spyruce]

I’ve been on a binge all yesterday and today. Just watched Solve It Squad, How the Grunch Cribbed Christmas, Holy Musical B@man! and Me and My Dick all for the first time. And I’m dropping my short reviews:

SIS/HTGCC are definitely worth the watch, tons of fun. I feel the need to put Scrags in a jar and shake him around a little bit. Depressed sad little man. (The way my jaw dropped when he explained how Cluebert was a replacement for his absent father HELLO 😭) Esther is great, their whole fucking with Christmas song was great. I thought the drug thing would get old but they find so many ways to keep it interesting. Keith is silly as fuck you go king I hope you get laid one day but please move on from Gwen girlie🙏 And uhh I don’t remember a thing about Gwen whoopsies. I’m working my way through the livestream episodes right now, I adore how cartoony it all is.

HMB! I probably have to rewatch I was multitasking. But whatever tf Batman and Superman had going on was great. Loved the way Batman and Robin were more of a brothers dynamic than father-son. I am once again amazed by how Joe feels so different in every role. Jeff fucking killed it he was made to be a joker-type beat mf. (tbf I tend to like Jeff a lot I think he’s great). But yeah this was fun. Will probably watch again eventually.

I cannot tell you wtf happened in MAMD but uh????? I am… once again amazed by how Joe feels so different in every role. The whole show was weirdly charming? I was expecting to enjoy the more crass humor since that’s just how I am but yeah the whole story was more captivating than I expected?? I very much enjoyed it. By far the funniest joke was the main guy just being named Joey Richter 😭 one big bullying session fr fr the Heart really went for his ass with his line about the jaw. …Yknow if I had a nickel for every time Joe and Joey played different parts of the same character I’d have two nickels???? Which really isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

With this, I believe the only Starkid/TCB musicals I haven’t seen (not counting side shows or things not staged) are A Very Potter Senior Year and ANI. I’m happy to talk about any other show if anyone would like to discuss but I’m expecting this post to be lost to the void lmfao I just needed to get my thoughts out!

[mochiwrites]

GREEN = I think you’re cute (you are just a small little cat in my head. Also pink)

SCARLET = You have influenced my decision/thoughts on something. (YOU GOT ME INTO MYMSCARIAN… AND NOW SOMEHOW WE ARE FRIENDS :D)

MAROON = You taught me something new. (English nerd my beloved)

CINNAMON = You’re a really cool person and admire you from afar. (This one moreso applies to before belle threw us into the vault lmao)

PERIWINKLE = You make me laugh :D

MAUVE = You are really talented (yes! And a hardworker!)

BLUSH = Seeing you on my dash makes my day a little better. (Hell yeah)

HONEYDEW = I want to call you by a nickname (moch, mochi moch, the cat, our cat, etc :))

LAVENDER = You inspire me ( friend :))

CORAL = You’re a meme ( clown duo :) )

UMBER = I want to know more about you ( always!)

RAZZMATAZZ = I would share my favorite food with you (idk what my favorite food is but id share it with you)

SAFFRON = I love your ideas ( yes!!!!!!)

TIMBERWOLF = I trust you (yeah!)

PLUM = I’d like to chat with you ( tee hee)

TANGERINE = I love your aesthetic (i see pink, i think of you)

CRIMSON = We should collaborate on something! ( >:3c tee hee )

VIRIDIAN = I wanna hang out on your blog (have been for the last bitty bit)

CHARTREUSE = You’re my homie ( cat and bug duo)

BURGUNDY = I get excited when I see posts from you (of course!)

SPARKS I AM SO SORRY I LET THIS SIT IN MY INBOX FOR LONGER THAN I MEANT TO WHOOPSIES,,,,,

but I sob at all of this????? real loud???? beloved friemd,,, and I uno reverse all of this right back at you

[simon-x-billy]

Simon x Billy

Year of the OTP: May

May Ch. 5: You look good. What happened?

May Prompt: Who Are You?

AN: I thought I’d already posted the May chapter?! Whoopsie. 🙊 Italy photos mine. Btw in case it was established too far back in the story for anybody but me to remember, the phrase ‘eye caterpillars’ = bushy eyebrows. 🐛 TW: Outdated references to hipsters. Use of bips. Irishisms. 2015. Picky eater. Fic rewrites. Utter lack of sex.

————/-/————

Masterlist || ao3 || Start: Jan || Prev: April || Next: June

————/-/————

May Chapter 5: You look good. What happened?

————/Billy/————

"You came!” I’ll admit I’m amazed to see Simon Lewis emerge from the depths of the Naples train station blinking at the full force of the Mediterranean sun. It was only just last night he decided to come back and here he appears before me less than 24 hours later. I pull the muppet in for some back-thumping. “What’d you do, y’madman? Drive straight to the airport?”

“Yeah, basically.” He’s grinning, and I can hear the giggle barely contained by his words. “Walked up and bought a ticket right there at the counter, just like in a movie. I am both a baller and a shot caller.”

Billy and the baller/shot-caller.

I can’t help but chortle. “Obviously.” Certo.

“It was iconic. Sexy. I am a sexy icon of bad-assery with balls and shots called. On two continents.” He holds up two fingers, unconsciously forming a symbol that could potentially be misconstrued in Italy. It definitely would be misconstrued back home. But no one’s paying us any mind.

“Look at your man now. Aren’t you just the sexiest Simon ever to have a bad ass.”

“I know, right?” He presents his fist. In a news announcer’s voice he announces, “We fist bump because we’re men, the moment calls for it, and the enthusiasm is infectious.”

“Em, Simon. I think you’re thinking out loud again.”

“Whatever. Don’t care. Too psyched to be here to berate myself for cringey habits.”

This fun Simon is a little different to the one I’ve been texting. He’s a bit more loquacious, this one. Less Hemingway and more, em, I dunno, Simon Lewis I suppose.

“And no more crying chibi Simon,” he declares, as if he needs to be very clear on this point. “I drowned him in the East River – purely figuratively, of course, but it does count. So he’s not along for the ride this time. He cannot steal my bad-ass thunder.”

I can’t help snorting, but before I can give him proper grief for his ass thunder, he stops me with his hand up. “No, no. Don’t bother. It’s true. I didn’t think that one through.”

Tossing his bags in the boot, I feel honor-bound to point out, “I never had you down as a murderer. Plot thickens.”

————/Simon/————

“So where to, mate?” Billy changes the subject to our more immediate, practical concerns.

“I don’t really care, as long as it’s not the hotel. I want to do something. Any thing will do, as long as we have to actively go do it.”

“Right,” he says.

“So where to, mate?” I ask in return.

“Sorrento. Nah-bip-bip-bip I’m not finished. The actual town of Sorrento — or at least the marina. That’s where dinner’ll be.”

“Aren’t you working?” I whip out my ol’ faithful suspicious-side-eye expression. Yeah it’s a predictable choice, but I’m suspicious, so I’m looking at him from the corner of my eye with suspicion. It’s how it’s done, how else am I supposed to do it?

“Nah, man. I took the night off. And anyway, pickin you up is a job all its own, innit,” he teases. He’s teasing.

“That’s all I am to you, a job, isn’t it.” I sniff back my hypothetical tears. “No, but seriously, thanks Billy. For the ride. And for taking the night off. Appreciate you, man.”

“Well, I figured you’re not likely to have a girl already. So it was safe to assume you’d be free for dinner. And I wanted to get you down to town. You can’t be eatin every meal at the hotel.”

“Don’t want to, anyway. I’m here to do it right this time,” I promise him.

Heaving a sigh of relief he says, “Thank Christ,” in the general skyward direction of God on high.

“Thanks, Billy.”

“Acourse, mate.”

“No really. Thanks, Billy.”

“For what?”

“For everything.”

————/-/————

“Oh look, he’s back. Where’d you go?” Billy asks me with amusement. He’s amused.

Eloquently, I inquire, “Huh?”

“You disappeared. You do that a lot, mate.”

“Don’t you need an amulet for that?”

“Funny.” Apparently it’s not.

“Y’know, if I could have worked hit points into the books, I totally would have. It just wasn’t the right tone.” I put on a dreamy voice. “Not all dreams come true, Lewis, not all.”

“What are you on about?”

“Books. I write,” I qualify, just to clear up any confusion.

He turns to look at me (taking far too long without his eyes on the road in my opinion). What, is he trying to decide if I look authorly? “That's great, man,” he says. “Where’d you post them?”

“Post them?” Um. “Oh, you mean putting the chapters up online?”

Billy nods. I’m forced to assume I don’t look authorly.

“What kind of stories do you write?” he asks as he skirts a delivery truck driving in reverse down the middle of the road. I decide that it’s best to pretend it’s not actually happening and stare at the view instead.

“Paranormal Urban Fantasy. Never Suburban Fantasy, though, just so you know,” I offer. “I leave that to the experts. Write what you know, you know?”

He chuckles. One of those real ones, despite my not even remotely deserving it. “Cool man,” he says. “Send me a link.”

“Um, ok.” I mean, he could just google me, but whatever.

————/-/————

“All right, mate?” he asks.

“Yeah! Of course!” I say brightly (maybe a little too brightly). I look around me at the bustling noon hour in the center of Sorrento with only the tiniest hint of hesitation. Because, really, it’s just the tiniest hint of a town. He doesn’t notice my case of nerves, thank God. I could not be more embarrassing.

Sorrento; Marina Grande is at bottom right

“All right, then,” he says with a nod, followed by an arching eye caterpillar. “But hear this, Simon. If you get gelato before I get back, that’s it man, we’re not friends.”

“Wow. That’s a little extreme, Billy. On the upside, does that mean we’re BFFs forever if I wait for you?”

“That’s redundant,” he points out.

“What?!” I fix the pointy fucker with my very best shocked-and-offended face, and clutch my figurative pearls. “I am not redundant and I never will be. How dare you.” (The groaning you’re emitting from your throat is ok with me. Really.)

“Ah, go on man, that’s two forevers. It’s excessive, innit. Are yeh really expectin me to serve two consecutive life sentences of best-best friend-friend?”

“Yeah, ok. I’m good with that. We’ll be BFFs forever twice. Like Outkast – forever-ever.” I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for reals.

“I give up,” he says, rolling his eyes. Which offends me. Because I’m the eye-roller. He’s the head-shaker. And he’s stealing my gig.

“So that means I can go ahead and get gelato without you? I mean, you said you give up.”

“Fucksake, Simon, but you’re a pain in my arse.”

“You love it,” I grin at him. “What’s gelato?”

“Fucksake, Simon!” He repeats (redundantly!) and commences the head shaking.

“And how do I find it?” I continue, undaunted.

“All right, look,” he sighs. “The tourist shops are up thatta way. Walk round, buy some shit. Then be back here by half twelve, and wait for me gettin off the bus.”

“Bus? I thought you were parking the car.”

He looks as though he’d like to strangle me.

“No, seriously,” I assure him. “I thought you were just parking the car.” I shoot him a combo of the I’m-about-to-get-in-trouble puppy face, and the but-you-love-me-anyway puppy face. It’s all in the eyes. Make ‘em huge and glisten. Works on Ma every time.

But not on Billy, it turns out. Tough crowd. Instead, he just laughs and laughs. Which is actually quite a thing to behold. And whoa, he’s just walked over and I’m being wrapped up in an actual hug. Like, a real one. Right now.

“I’m glad you’re here, mate,” he says warmly. “It’s good to see yeh.”

I don’t remember the last time somebody really hugged me. Apart from Ma, obviously. Certo. I kinda want another one. But he’s back in the car and pulling the old Mercedes out into traffic.

OK, so…

I’ve got some alone time on my hands. I clap, all ready to go, but then I notice how weird I am and shove my hands in my pockets.

So I hang out on a park bench a bit and watch Billy get stuck in a traffic jam — while the drivers of two cars stop in the center of their respective lanes, for the express purpose of double kissing each others’ cheeks in greeting. I’ve just decided that I need to start an “Only In Italy” list. Which means I need a pad of paper and pencil. Don’t judge my medieval writing implements of choice.

————/-/————

The pencil and paper-finding mission takes over an hour, because I keep asking people for “llaves.” Which, it turns out, means keys. In Spanish. Dios mio, I suck at Italian.

I mean, can you blame me? I never bothered learning more, cuz I didn’t plan to come back anytime soon. Cuz, you know, painful. But then I realized I actually missed Italy. In all senses of the word, but most especially in the wistful, nostalgic sense of the word. And I guess that’s a pretty normal reaction when it comes to people thinking about their trips to Italy.

Plus, I actually know someone who lives here.

————/-/————

Ok, so I’m back where I’m supposed to wait for Billy.

I had hoped for an I heart Italy pen, but apparently that’s only a thing in the US. Here, it turns out they have taste.

And I still don’t know what gelato is. But at least now I do know how beautiful this town is. And how great the Italian people are. At trying not to laugh at you to spare your feelings.

While the entire city looks like burnished yellow gold when seen from a distance, up close there’s more variety. Like the chaotic good mix of blaringly bright tiled roofs. I’ve taken pictures of everything so I can practice my wistfully-nostalgic face again at a future date.

Chaotic good, no?

I’ve chosen a pretty cool spot for people-watching. Everywhere I look, life is happening there. Big, boisterous aliveness. It’s so weird. And also instantaneously addictive.

Ok, so:

Only In Italy

The sky turns lavender. I remember that from last time.

People park their cars at home and take a bus. (Ok, I suppose bridge and tunnel people do that, too. But the vibe is so much more ‘tiny Italian village’ here than in Brooklyn.)

There is only one road. The bus drives back and forth on the one road. For the entirety of this coastline, to get to any of the towns. No, seriously. I don’t think I’m adequately expressing this concept. (And my writer ego is taking a hit because of it.) From Naples (huge industrial port city) directly to Salerno (the next huge industrial port city wayyyyy down the coast), there is a big highway. But that highway doesn’t do shit for you if you want to see any of the seaside towns in-between. For every last one of the tiny towns lining the Bay of Naples, then down and around the whole Sorrentine Peninsula, and aaaall the way to the end of the Amalfi coastline, there is one road. One. Which means that anyone living in the town of, say, Sorrento, has one road – one road!!! – to get the fuck out of town. You either turn right, or you turn left. Your only way in, your only way out. That is nuts. Right? That’s nuts!

Locals have no problem with interrupting all traffic on that one road, by stopping their cars in the middle of their lane and getting out, just to double air kiss the oncoming driver who is now holding up traffic in the opposite direction. And no one (no one!!!) is offended by this. No one seems to realize they have a horn they can honk at precisely these moments. I am mentally horn-honking so hard rn.

Lines painted on the road are purely suggestions. Especially when there are cars idling in the middle of the road for cheek kissing purposes.

I don’t even know what to say about delivery trucks driving in reverse on the one road.

————/-/————

I look up from my Only In Italy list, startled by the squeal of the wheels on the bus trying to stop going round and round. And now I’m watching the bus disgorge a few tourists, a bunch of locals, and an Irishman.

You know, we really are an unlikely pair to form a friendship under unlikely circumstances. But I think I actually needed Billy in a way. I can be a pretty miopic guy, and Billy managed to pull me out of my tunnel vision, preoccupations, and woe-is-me’ing. And he’s done it more than once over the course of our acquaintance. All via text, which I find quite impressive. That is some potent friending.

I need to figure out how to thank him for that without making it weird. Cuz, I mean, things got pretty weird over the last several months, but neither of us is acting uncomfortable or hesitant now. He’s too laid back for that. There is one thing I can say without reservation: Billy Delaney is a good human being. A mensch, in other words.

I think I needed him in order to get over myself, and that is a bizarre thought.

“Look at the state of yeh. Writin away with your nose buried in a book, right where I left yeh. When you should be lookin about. Unbelievable you are, man.”

“My nose — which cannot write, by the way — is buried in a book precisely because I’ve been looking around. I’ve started an Only In Italy list. Submissions welcome.”

That earns me a Billy snort. Among the best snorts out there, actually, is a snort from Billy. How can he be so smooth yet still be such a dork? A dork who got lucky and grew into his – I surreptitiously look him up and down — well, his everything. Bastard.

And that’s not even why everybody loves him! He’s just a fuckin cool dude. Who likes people. And the whole Irish thing doesn’t hurt.

“So where to, man, where to?” he asks with a wide smile, interrupting my thoughts.

“I dunno. You’re the Italian. Let’s do Italian stuff. Like maybe get an overly caffeinated coffee beverage.”

“I am an Irishman, and you could be a tourist if you ever figure out how. You tourist first, and write about it after. Not during. How can you be so self-aware and so clueless?” Billy asks.

My breath catches in my heart. He thinks I’m self-aware?

“You think I’m self-aware?” I can tell I’ve got glistening eyes and they did it all on their own without prompting by my brain. I’d feel like king of the world if I was in Bushwick right now, and everyone within earshot heard him tell me I’m self-aware. And he doesn’t even know what kind of cred he’s just awarded me. “Thanks,” I hiccup.

“Why’re yeh lookin at me with love heart eyes? I just insulted you,” he asserts.

“Did you?”

“Called you clueless, didn’t I.”

Big, breathy sigh. “Didn’t notice. Don’t care. Can I hold your hand right now? We can go have a nice, romantic stroll thru the Italians. You can show me this gelato I’ve heard so much about.” I flutter my eyelashes, and take his hand in both of mine.

“Get off, you muppet,” he laughs, as he tries to extract his hand from my strong and persistent hand-holding.

Not sure if I’ve mentioned it, but a laughing Billy Delaney is something to see. His whole face splits into the widest grin and it lingers long after the laughing’s stopped.

“Oh my god, they are so hot together.” It’s a young woman’s voice coming from somewhere close by. “Oh my god, look at them.”

We both must share a brain because we both swivel to see who the hot people are. I mean, it’s the Medi/Tyrrhenian. It’s an innately sexy place, and people are just kinda generally super-hot here, and remarkably comfortable with being almost uncomfortably sexy.

“So unfair,” moans her friend. I agree completely.

Not finding the hotness they’re referring to, Billy and I both discreetly turn toward the shops to see who’s talking.

“Do you think we can turn them?” another female voice asks. They both dissolve into giggles.

I’m not spotting them. “Can you tell who-”

Billy says under his breath, “By the lemons.”

Guest starring: Two fangirls and lemons the size of your head.

As he and I both lock eyes with the girls, they spin into each other and start giggling as they stare at their phones comparing their stolen shots.

Billy’s caterpillars try to meet in the middle. “Aren’t they a little young to be lookin at us like-” he begins.

“Oh my god!” I stand bolt upright. “That’s where the gelato comes from!!! Billy. Billy, can we please, Billy? I will embarrass you if you don’t stand up immediately and show me which thing I should be pointing at when I ask for it.”

“How do you plan to embarrass me? What, you’ll start jumping up and down while clapping?” he challenges me.

In all seriousness I turn to him. “I’ve done it before. I’ll do it again.” I give him an arched caterpillar of my own, attempting intimidation-and-impending-threat face.

The two girls are squealing to each other, hiding behind their hair.

“To the gelato man!” I point boldly and decisively. “Let’s do this.”

Billy’s caterpillars are trying for a second kiss, as he rises slowly. He’s distracted.

“Why are you not running at the gelato man with me?” I hold my hand out to him. His caterpillars have graduated to blatant frowning at the girls after another particularly sonic squeal.

“Come on, Billy. That’s got to be too young for you,” I tease. “I hope.”

“How could you even suggest-” Ladies and gents, I give you horrified-face, Billy Delaney style. I give him a playful push to reassure him I’m just teasing, and that snaps him out of whatever bizarro universe he was temporarily trapped in.

His eyes snap up to see me laughing at his surprised, blinking eyes. “Come on, sweetheart, buy me a gelato. Honey, you promised.”

Head shaking follows, of course. Certo. As we approach the stall, he keeps sneaking glances between the girls and me. “What the fuck, Simon?” he whispers, while surreptitiously watching them over my shoulder.

We’ve reached the gelato man. Billy offers to order. “What kind?”

“The biggest kind,” I shrug. He snorts and turns to the gelato man. I decide to put the girls out of their misery while Billy is focused on purchasing whatever it is.

“Oh my god, it’s him! It’s really him!” one of the girls hisses, then they look away quickly as their cheeks turn strawberry in mortification.

“Excuse me, um, sir?” the blonde girl squeaks, while progressing from strawberry straight to raspberry. It’s always endearing. I can’t help it. I know what it is to belong to a fandom. Like, being the fan, so I get it.

“Hi,” I approach, and awkwardly raise my hand in greeting.

“It’s really you,” the brunette whispers.

“I can be only one. Y’know, cuz, like, Highlander? No? Ok. Well, hi. I’m-”

“Simon is Simon,” whispers the brunette.

“The one, and the same. Both of us.” I am so embarrassing right now. But they are equally horrified at themselves. So, its a party.

“Can we have a picture?” They turn their pleading puppy eyes on me.

I have to admit, “Your puppy eye game is strong, girls. Practice, grasshoppers. Keep at it, and one day maybe you’ll be pro level like me.” This gets them giggling again. But they’re relaxing the adrenaline a bit.

By the time Billy returns with his booty, the three of us are comparing which of the puppy eye shots should go on Instagram first. I’ve already made my preferences for #2 known, and I’m ready to disengage.

I look up. “It’s ice cream?” I stand and give the girls hugs again.

“Thanks, Simon! We love you so much,” they sigh. Then, looking down at their phones they charge into the street, nearly walking right into an old lady carrying a salami so long that it’s an obscene parody of itself.

“Tag me!” I shout after them.

Mental note: “Only in Italy #7. Old Lady with huge salami that she didn’t buy at Katz’s.” Instead, she’s clearly coming from a shop with “Salumeria” over the door. A frickin salami store. I love this place and never want to leave.

“The deli?” Billy asks, shocking the shit out of me.

“How do you know about Katz’s?! Send a salami to your boy in the army? I’ll have what she’s having?”

“You talk in your sleep, mate,” he replies, straightfaced.

“But- I mean. Cuz like, we’ve never-” I stutter. Great. I’m stuttering.

He’s laughing at me. Which I’m ok with.

“Ow!” he barks, after I slap him in the arm. “Is this how you treat all your dates? Just shush.”

My mouth snaps shut. I am just as surprised about it as he is.

“On your first night in Italy – now don’t interrupt, your last trip never happened – I am honored to introduce you to, nay, expose you to the most Only In Italy thing for your list. The ‘passeggiata.’”

“The what now? Passage otta?”

“Close enough. La passeggiata happens every single night, tourist season or not. Big city or tiny village. Before dinner, everyone en masse decides to go for a walk in town. A lazy, amblin sort of people-watchin activity. Everywhere, the whole country. Late afternoon before dusk you stop and buy a gelato and eat it slowly while the world walks by.

“Passage otta,” I like the sound of that. In Manhattan we call that Times Square at 5pm. But without neon green milk-based product melting down your fingers. But then again, in Times Square you never know. “What the hell neon green thing did you buy me?”

“The biggest one,” he answers, passing it over with a bunch of napkins.

“Why is it the color of Mike Wazowski?” I demand in horror.

“Who?”

“Mike Wazowski! Mike Wazowski! Mike Wazowski. A triple Mike Wazowski: Bucket list, check.”

“Simon.”

“Mike Wazowski. But more importantly, why is it neon green? Doesn’t that mean it’s poisonous? Neon green is nature’s helpful way of warning us about impending doom. Like, did you know one tree frog contains enough poison to kill ten men?” Thanks, BBC. “So where do we go?” I ask.

“Let’s sit a spell over there. Ideal spot, really. Great view down the cliff to the Marina Grande on that side, and the high street shops over here.”

“The tiny tiny baby automobiles are sooooooo cute.”

“I’m partial to the Vespas,” he asserts.

“I want a tiny adorable Vespa so hard right now. Can we get a Vespa, Billy, please?” I plead. “But no, really. What’s with the green ice cream?”

“Simon. It is not ice cream. Say that within range of an Italian and you’re looking at prison I won’t know how to rescue you from.” He points at the cup. “Pistachio. One of the most iconic flavors. And a favorite of mine. Which means that if you hate it, which you won’t do, but if you do, this is a flavor I like enough to eat ‘the biggest one.’”

“How thoughtful of you.”

“I’m a very thoughtful person,” he promises with a sly smirk, which I assume people find sexy. Cuz it kinda is.

I elbow him in the ribs and he giggles. Billy giggles? This is new information. It’s kinda musical, like an arpeggio up the scale. Now I’ve got do-re-mi-fa-so stuck in my head from Sound of Music. Gross.

But I like this, sitting here watching the passage of people as they make their nightly parade. This is why people live here. It’s that big, boisterous aliveness I was thinking about earlier.

“Only in Italy #8: People take walks, not for exercise or the subway.”

Billy Delaney sighs. It’s true. He just did. Then guess what he says next. “Fucksake this is romantic.”

“I know, right?” What, it is.

“First time out of the United States?” he asks.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I feel like maybe I need to be offended.

“It just seems like, you know,” and he waives his hand at me as if that’s all the explanation necessary.

“I’ve been to other countries.”

“Oh yeah? Did it require leaving the North American continent?”

“Shut up. And stop laughing, you asshole,” I grouch at him, because I have been overseas — just not alone, is all. “But you know what you can talk about? How awesome and totally not ice cream this stuff is. It’s so creeeeeamy, and so light, and fresh, and not heavy at all, but still creeeeeeamy. And the Mike Wazowki flavor is really intense.”

“See? What’d I tell yeh?”

“Not much at all, actually,” I observe. He rewards me with the bark of a laugh.

After a few minutes watching la passeggiata in companionable silence, Billy prompts, “One thing I’ve been meaning to ask yeh. You talk a lot about writing. What’s that about?”

“I just love it. Never gets old. Hope it never does. But I can’t really see myself writing more than five or maybe six, tops. Tops,” I assure him.

“Five or six what?”

“Books.” Are we participating in the same conversation? “I’m late with the fourth because the fans want one featuring way more Simon Lewis with way more love story. And that can only be the case because the author, Simon Lewis, wrote himself into the story in the first place. There’s a hashtag for it #SimonIsSimon.” I heave a sigh as if the pressures of the world are far too much for little ol’ me to handle. Actually, “They get really into the whole #SimonIsSimon thing. People get tattoos! I’ve seen it online! Insane.”

“Simon is Simon,” he pauses. “Isn’t that a band?”

I shrug. “Could be. I guess.” I should look that up.

“So,” I continue, even though I’m already sick of the sound of my own voice. (I secretly fear that I might actually be kinda boring.) “Other Simon is this fictitious shoegazing hipster vampire, who lives in a book. Me Simon, is the author. It helps that we are a lovable dork,” I gesture at all of me to prove my point. “And in a love triangle. Dude. I even have my own #teamsimon. Which is super cute. It is also super weird, being a fan favorite.” Especially at the cons.

Billy sits forward. “Hang on, hold up. There’s a fan favourite?”

“Several fan favorites. All the main characters have their Big Moments in the series. Now I have to just suck it up and come up with the right romantic destiny for Other Simon. Cuz right now, there are two girls crushing on him. It just took until book 4 before I’m finally willing to let that happen.”

“Is this online somewhere? Like a blog or something?”

My first instinct is that he must be ‘taking my piss,’ or something gross like that, so I shoot him a glare. But now he looks so earnest that I feel like maybe we really aren’t in the same conversation.

I can feel my glare turning confused. My mother says this expression makes me look like I’m sucking lemons and don’t know why. She calls it Confused Sourpuss. I have yet to come up with a polite, respectful way to say, “Shut up, Ma.”

“Online? Well, yeah. I mean- There’s the fan wiki. But honestly, I’d just recommend starting with the blurbs on my website if you want to decide if it’s worth your time.”

Apparently Confused Sourpuss is not conducive to conversation. He stretches, and stands, then bumps my shoulder. “Come on, mate, let’s get outta here. Day’s marchin on, and you haven’t been down to the marina, yet. La passeggiata happens down there, too.”

————/-/————

No. I’m not afraid of heights. No, really. I’m not!

It’s more like I’m afraid of stairs. Especially stairs like these.

The Hell Stairs. Simon is overreacting.

Billy’s way ahead of me, because of course he is. Just trotting down them, every switchback. Meanwhile, I’m pretending I’m actually trotting when really I’m clinging to medieval stone walls rising vertically like the face of a cliff.

Sure, there are handrails. To keep you alive and all, but just like, one continuous wobbly pipe to hold onto all the way down. And there are at least 100 switchbacks. At least.

I guess it’s a tourist thing. “You have to take the stairs - at least do it once,” he said. “And it’s the fastest route down to the marina.”

He said “marina,” and I pictured lazily strolling around, some restaurants, some shops, stop a couple times for too much caffeine. “Good sunset, too,” he promised. So I was all up for it, and now I’m breathing rapidly and sweating – for anxiety reasons, not physical exertion reasons.

It gets chillier the farther we descend.

This could actually be a really frickin cool setting for a scene with the vamps. Why climb the stairs when you can scale the old medieval walls, am I right?

Billy’s voice hits me, and I swear I almost jump out of my skin and die. And have an asthma attack. (Fuck Other Simon for not having asthma. Bastard.)

I have no idea what he’s just said, because the sound of his voice is bouncing unintelligibly off the walls.

Attempting not to be a Loud American is a major fail, because I’m shouting, “Buongiorno!” and, “Arrivaderci!” so I can listen to the echo ricochet. And it’s awesome how the faint sound of passing cars way below lends a sort of staticky background noise as it travels up the height.

Billy stops laughing at me and tries to muster the balls to shout. Irishmen. Feh. Sometimes it’s useful to be an American. Especially when absolute dickheadery is necessary. Good thing I’m here.

“Just shout something, already! We can pretend you’re American, if that makes you feel any better!” I shout down to him.

All I get is a thousand rebounding “What???”s in return.

When we finally get down to sea level and emerge from the Hell Stairs, we find our way over to the Marina Grande. I want to kiss the ground now that I’m back on it, but determine that it might cause some concern amongst passersby.

Billy looks grimly at me. “You, my friend, must prepare for some of the best seafood of your life. An orgasm on your tongue.”

Um, “Hey now. That’s a little too visual, thanks.”

“Just don’t go makin yourself sick with too much cappuccino.” He scratches at the five o’clock shadow on his chin, looking thoughtful. “Will it deter you if I threaten to get really mad at you if you ruin your appetite? Or are you more likely to get too much cappuccino just to spite me?”

I gasp. “You get me, Billy. You totally get me.” I wipe away my imaginary tears. “It’s so nice when someone totally understands me and everything about me. Come on, buddy. Bring it in,” I say with my arms outstretched for a hug.

He unceremoniously declines.

————/-/————

Billy knocks back the last of his cappuccino. I’m still only two sips into mine.

I feel like I might hate biscotti. They seem like a thing I would hate. Mine’s just staring at me from its plate, looking all rock-like, with pebbles of almonds and whatever greenish nuts get put in biscotti. Are you supposed to suck on them til they finally soften? Dunk ‘em? No thanks. I push them across the table at him.

“So what’s it like, trying to be an author?” he asks.

I’m kinda amazed that he’s remotely interested. But he still doesn’t seem to get it. “Um, I am.”

“You ‘am’ what?” he asks.

“An author. Like, a published one.” His caterpillars arch upward in a rather gratifying fashion. Even if that makes me an asshole, I’m still an asshole who just wants people to be impressed with how awesome I am at all times. Just because I’m not 15 anymore doesn’t mean I’m not 15 on the inside. Especially as I get older, but Other Simon stays the same age.

“What’s that like?”

“Um…” Now I kinda feel like I’d be dishonest if I let him continue to think in the wrong scale. “Ok, so I’m just going to level with you. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

“Nah, man, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re really good.” He’s looking at me with fondness and with pity. That’s a pretty advanced level facial expression. And it’s infuriating.

“Billy? Don’t try to be nice, just shoosh.” Am I a terrible person for enjoying watching his trap swing shut?

“I am the author of three novels so far, in an open-ended supernatural urban fantasy series.”

“Hang on, hold up. How old are you?! You can’t be old enough to have written three whole novels.”

“Started writing the first one when I was 15.”

“Oh, right? That’s great man, really ambitious for a kid to have a big dream like that. And you’re still at it?”

“Billy, I swear to God. If you don’t stop prematurely trying to make me feel better I’m going to kick you in the shin. So yeah. Three books. That have been published. In roughly 30 languages.” I’m not really a fame whore, but I have to admit to enjoying watching his eyes bulge, his mouth purse, and his face turn pink. Now it has turned thoughtful.

“Did you- Wait. Did you write The Shadow Instruments?”

I grimace.

“My cousin loves those books! Has done since she was 15,” he declares.

“Sounds about right. I’ll sign a copy if you think she’d like that.” Then it hits me. “Ugh, I sound like such an asshole.” My red forehead feels cool against the marble table top where we’ve stopped to enjoy one of those overly caffeinated beverages they invented here.

He’s been silent a little too long.

Oh. That’s why. He’s googling me. I want to die. I’m leaving everything to my sister. My forehead returns to the table top. It’s less embarrassing there.

“Fuck me,” he says.

“No thanks,” I mumble. “We’ve only just met.”

“That’s not true,” he says absentmindedly, his attention still 99% focused on what he’s reading.

“It’s called artistic license. And you’ve only just met the new and improved Simon Lewis. Crying chibi Simon Lewis drowned the other day. Memorial donations go to the charity of your choice.”

“Huh?” Then he goes silent.

“There’s something fundamentally wrong with you being quiet. It’s unnatural. I don’t trust it.”

“Just thinking, that’s all,” he answers.

“You’re thinking thoughts. Great.”

“Do you narrate everything in your head? The way you talk it sounds like you’ve got a running commentary goin on up there. At all times.”

“Accurate.”

“Is that what makes you a good author?”

“Who says I’m a good author?”

“My formerly 15 year old cousin,” he says with a smirk. He’s smirking. Great.

“She would know,” I say, nodding. “Everybody loved the thought of a 15 year old writing about young people his own age. ‘Such an original voice,’ they said. ‘A breath of fresh air in a genre full of middle-aged women writing for tweens,’ they said. Nevermind that YA is not for tweens. They’d know that if they bothered to read one. My characters are underage killers! Of people and things! And when they get older, I’m going to make them swear. And maybe there’ll be sex scenes. I’ve been researching.”

“You had to do research for the sex scenes?” He looks disbelieving and confused. It’s very squinty.

“Well, they’re sorta…I dunno…I mean- cuz there’s kinda, like, these two boy-” Yeah, and that requires some research.

He’s not even listening. He’s back to googling. When he finally looks up again he says, “I’ll take that signed copy.”

————/Billy/————

The sound of doors openin makes me glance up at the cafe, and there is a proper stunner driftin out like an apparition. Actually, I see her more as a Mata Hari, in all her floatin, gauzy scarves she’s wearin as a cover up for her bikini. And they’re not doin a damn thing to cover her up. She looks Italian, all tanned olive skin and dark hair, but there’s just something different to her. In her manner maybe.

Her fingers are flashing big bits of rock, her eyes are hidden by absurdly oversized black sunglasses with a logo I’m supposed to recognize, and she’s sportin a huge black hat with a brim so wide, it’s a miracle she’s got a tan at all. If I could guess, she’s off one of them yachts out there in the deep waters beyond the marina.

And she’s makin straight for me. Hmmmm. What can I say? It happens.

“Simon Lewis,” she purrs.

Oh. Right.

“Sabina,” he answers drily. I must say I’m surprised. Seems Simon’s got some game.

He stands and they air kiss each other on both cheeks. “Now,” he says, gesturing outward as if he’s indicating all of Italy, “I get why you’re always kissing everybody.”

So she looks Italian, kisses like an Italian, but doesn’t sound at all Italian. It’s a weird accent I can’t quite identify. And I’ve a pretty good ear.

“Why are you in Italy?” she asks.

“Why are you?” Game on, Simon!

“Oh, you know how it always is,” she sighs in boredom. “I’ve got a couple gigs here and there.”

“On the Amalfi Coast?” he asks.

“Oh, you know,” she trails her fingertips along our table, “some people, some parties, Capri, Naples.”

I stand and pull out a chair, finally remembering my manners. “Will yeh join us?”

The way she pulls her sunglasses down her nose and scans me from top to toes, I’ve never felt so much like man meat — at least never with my clothes still on. “Hello,” she says. “Haven’t you got good eyes. And a good face. And-“

“Sabina, this is my BFF forever, Billy Delaney. He’s Irish,” Simon qualifies, as if that explains something. What’s that supposed to mean?

I hold out my hand, but she’s already turned all her attention back to Simon, giving him the same up and down appraisal as she’s done me. “You look good, Simon. What happened?” she asks.

I don’t think I’m takin much of a likin to her. Her compliments sound a mite like insults.

“Nevermind,” she cuts him off. “No time, they’re waiting,” she says, gesturing toward the marina. “You should come to my show this weekend in Naples,” she says, taking Simon’s new notebook and writing something inside.

“Is there a venue the right size for you guys?”

“No no. Not with the band. It’s just a tiny little gig I’ve got spinning at an underground club no one is supposed to know about. You know the ones. Come.”

“Maybe,” he says blandly. Stone Cold Simon Lewis, ladies and gents. Who knew?

Her eyes bounce back and forth between Simon and me. “Billy,” she says, dismissively. I don’t think a girl has ever spoken to me like that in my life. Before I can speak, she’s turning to Simon and kissing him full on the mouth. “Ciao, Simon,” she purrs again. Then she floats off in a swirl of gauze that barely covers her assets.

I don’t think I’ll be missin her company overmuch. And yet, as a consummate wingman I still find myself asking, “Why didn’t yeh get her number?”

“Oh, I already got her number,” he says. “And she already shot me down.”

————/Simon/————

Just a short walk beyond the marina, the restaurant is on the water. Literally. I can hear the sea sloshing peacefully against the foundations at our feet.

They’ve seated us at a table against a wall of windows that runs the entire length of the restaurant. Even if the food isn’t orgasmic the way Billy promised, I could sit here for hours just looking.

Billy sees the rapt expression on my face, and says quietly, “Just wait til you see the sunset.”

And suddenly we’re ordering. Billy has chosen some really unappealing stuff. But for me he immediately orders a lobster, and smiles to himself as if he knows something I don’t. Which is likely how to speak Italian. Or how to cook.

While we’re waiting on our Neapolitan style sardines (which I am really not looking forward to), Billy asks, “You wrote yourself into the book and y’didn’t let yourself get the girl? What’s the point, if you don’t win in the end?” He’s looking at me as though he’s never seen me before, or at least has never mistaken me for an amoeba before.

“Oh, we won in the end.” Pfft, did we. “Yes. Yes, we did. I am very proud of our having won that war, by the way. It was close, til Other Simon mans the fuck up. Vamps the fuck up, really. And oh my God does he. Big displays of courage. And facial tattoos. But whatever.”

“Right. Now stop speaking in inside references and get on with it, man.”

“Dude, don’t ask the impossible. I was born a hipster. You can’t just unhipster at the drop of a hat. Seriously, it’s a lifestyle.”

And yes, fictitious audience in my head, you might be shocked and dismayed to discover that hipsters actually do refer to themselves as hipsters. Out loud. Without irony.

“So yeah,” I continue. “We won in the end. And I kinda sorta got the girl. The wrong one. For like 5 seconds.”

The waiter appears with olives, bread for dipping in very expensive oil virginally pressed from local olives, and the Pinot Grigio Billy requested. He didn’t just choose the wine. He selected it. From roughly page nine in the wine portfolio. They didn’t call it a portfolio, but I feel like they should have. Sounds vaguely Italian and schmancier than ‘wine list.’ The waiter assures us that the sardines will be ready shortly.

————/-/————

Oh my god I can’t eat them, they have eyes. And tails, and everything in-between. And they’re way bigger than the tiny ones in tins they stick on Caesar salad back home. They’re, like, actual fish-sized, if a little smaller than the usual dinner fish. And there are like twelve of them. WTF?

“They’ve been gutted,” Billy says, seeing my horror. As if that’s reassuring. “And the bones are tiny — they just add a little crunch.”

“Ew, gross!”

He’s laughing at me. “Simon. When in Italy…”

“When in Italy you eat fish whole? I’m going home.”

“Pull it off the bone. It’s delicate, so it’ll be easy. Like me to do it?”

“Yes, please. Then you should eat it.”

Billy sighs, and along comes my old friend, the shaking head. I roll my eyes quietly to myself.

He’s whisked away my plate and started a very careful, not at all easy-looking minor surgery on a small fish. For my benefit. “Thanks,” I say warily, when he hands it to me. I try pushing it around my plate to make it look like I’m eating it. “Yum,” I say.

“Simon, just stick the little grubber in your mouth.”

“And that’s supposed to make me want to eat this stuff? What’s a grubber?!”

“Simon.”

“Billy.”

“Please?” he says. “For me?”

Oh my god, does that work on people? Yes, because it works on me.

“Wow. It’s actually good.” And now that I’ve tried it, for him, I stop trying it. Because I’m no less grossed out, just cuz it tastes good.

Unfortunately, there is still the meat of ten sardines still left sitting on the plate. Not my problem, “I’ll just enjoy my Pinot Grigio. Holy shit is it good.”

Oh no. The waiter is heading this way with a very concerned look on his face.

“You are not liking the dish?” …of fish, I want to end the sentence for him like Dr. Seuss. But “merp” comes out instead.

“No, no Tomaso,” says Billy. “It’s lovely. He’s just American.”

“Hey!” I shout at him in my head. In real life, I nod in agreement.

“Ah. Si si si, certo,” says Tomaso, as if that explains everything. Which it kinda does. “Soon I bring to you il piatto secondo,” he assures me.

“But that’s not what I ordered,” I whisper to Billy when Tomaso walks away.

Billy’s eyes crinkle in amusement. “Second plate, that’s all, mate. Main course.”

My lobster arrives. Now this I know how to take apart and still want to eat it afterwards.

Guest starring: Mini fish and lobster. The sardines were awesome, btw. But there was freaking out about the ‘whole fish’ thing.

“Aw! They don’t debone the mini fish, but they’ll split the lobster? It’s the one thing I know how to eat with my hands, and they take that joy away from me? That is so not normal.”

Billy’s laughing. It’s a good sound. Makes me happy that he kinda seems to get me. And my humor. And he gets how to take me — with like a whole bunch of salt thrown over one’s shoulder.

“Respect the chef,” Billy says, raising his glass. “And to Poseidon, who gave us these frutti di mare. Fruits of the sea.”

We’re toasting-slash-praying to Poseidon now?

I pose the question, “Did you know that chicken of the sea is actually a fish?”

“Em…… Right, so it’s wise to toast Poseidon, mate. He has much power on this coastline. Ancient rocks full of Greek magic.”

But all rocks are ancient. Whatever. “Ok,” I raise my glass. “To the sea god. Also, are you like a closet mythological sea god fetishist?”

“Shut up and take a bite,” he commands. Frickin commands! I shiver.

I decide to play along and follow his command. “Oh my-“

“Stop there!”

Rude.

“Like wine, the very first taste is your first exposure to how the entire dish should taste at its very best.” Ohmygod he is so pretentious right now and I am loving it. “And with each bite, your mouth grows a little more accustomed to one or another part of the larger flavor, so that first bite is the fullness of what the chef intended you to experience. What do you taste?” he asks.

“Oh my god, Billy. Stage fright much? How am I supposed to follow that?”

“Simple question. What does it taste like?”

“Tomato…..that tastes really bright. Like sunshiney. Is that weird?

“That’s perfect. Keep going,” he encourages.

“But it’s not, like, tangy at all. It’s….velvety?”

He nods, “On the tongue.” It’s just a statement of fact, not sexy.

“And kinda more like a gravy. No, that’s totally wrong, cuz it’s not at all a gravy, but it is. I guess it’s rich. How can these tiny little tomatoes taste sunshiny and like gravy velvet.” I groan, “Why am I like this?”

“Nah, man. You’re just doin it right. What do you see on your plate?”

“There’s lobster. That’s part of the flavor, too, but not the loudest part. The silky sauce clings to every surface of the noodles. And these noodles are almost obscene. Who sells noodles like this?”

“Pasta, mate. And nobody sells it. The make it. Just saving you from unintentionally speaking inflaming remarks near a chef.”

“Thank you,” I nod. “It’s like you know me. Also, is it weird that I might have gotten a stiffie during all the food talk? Or maybe it’s the food itself….that you won’t let me eat.”

“Go on, man, go on,” he waves.

“Now you’re like, beckoning me to eat. Stop that. My dick is confused.”

Billy just says, “What did I tell you, mate? Next bite is the orgasm. You’ve already done the foreplay.”

“Stop it!”

He does. But, “You’re still smirking, so it’s like you’re still talking food porn.” Down, dick! Bad boy. Sit.

“Nah, man. You were the one talkin pornographic descriptions.”

“Oh, good,” I sigh a breath of relief. “So it was me that gave me wood, and not you. I’m less confused now.”

“It was four ingredients givin you a horn, man. Four total. What is visible on the plate and the oil in the pan at the start.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Apologies, Poseidon.

“Welcome to campania, the fertile, bountiful, fruitful.”

“Now my dick is confused by you being so over the top. Stop.” I take another bite and just roll the pasta around in my mouth. On my sophisticated palate. “I’ve died and gone to heaven.” I jump. “No! Wait. I’ve dined and gone to heaven.”

Billy is groaning loudly, but not in an appealing, sexy way. More like a way reflecting his complete disbelief at the quality of my punmanship. He’s heaving a sigh, as if I’ve pained his brain and sprained his sterling image of me. Nah, he knows me well enough to lack illusions about the varying quality of my puns.

“Lord, Simon.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Billy snarfs wine out his nose. Which makes me feel both good and sorry for him. “FUCK, not again!!!” he moans, holding his napkin to his face, and rocking back and forth in his chair.

“Again?” I have to know.

“Red wine is not quite as bad as vodka.”

I pull back sharply and hiss in sympathy.

Who hisses in sympathy?! Kill me now. Someone. Please.

“Where was this vodka incident?” I have to know.

“In a minute. First, put some food in yer mouth,” Billy directs me.

“Yes, sir!” I wink at him. But then I’m back to the potential for an orgasm on my tongue. “Oh, my god. What the- How- How is it even better than my short term memory of it?” The food has rendered me incoherent. God, I hate it when other people are totally right. It’s a character flaw. Whatever. “I just want to roll it around on my tongue for the rest of time.”

“Have yeh tried that line with a girl?”

Oh my god, I think I’m blushing. He just made me blush! How old am I? “Pishhh,” is the entirety of my answer, because sometimes Yiddish speaks louder than words.

“Don’t be embarrassed, mate. An orgasm on yer tongue, yeah?”

“Oh my god,” is how brilliant at speaking I am right now. “Yes, I can feel my panties getting wet as we speak. Oh! And I’d like to bathe in this. Do you think they could arrange that? I’ve always wanted to bathe in pasta. And being that this is the best pasta on earth, I really do deserve the very best bathing experience, too.”

“Stop while you’re ahead, Simon.”

“Ouch! And yeah, baby. Come to daddy. You beautiful lobster, you.” I am not flying my fork around like an airplane at a fine dining establishment. But I did consider it. “Y’know it’s funny. It never occurred to me that there might be lobsters outside of Maine.”

Billy slumps (theatrically, I might add), then empties the rest of the bottle of wine into his glass.

————/Billy/————

“You cold?” Simon asks, then tosses the shirt he’s had tied round his waist at me. “You shivered.”

I must not have heard whatever he said next, cuz Simon is asking. “What?” And his eye caterpillars are creased together. Now he’s laughing. “You should see your face!” It’s said with humor, but I must have flinched. The smile has begun a decided slide as if gravity had something to do with it.

“Thanks, mate,” I manage, trying not to show how much that simple observation has affected me. Nobody ever notices stuff like that with me. Or actually pays attention after they ask how I am. I’m used to it. But here comes this lunatic in front of me, and he bothers to notice that I’m cold. I don’t know what to do with it. I am at a loss.

“Sure, whatever.” He leads us through the door and back to the street.

“Wait.” He’s stopped in his tracks. “We’re not going back up the hell stairs. No fucking way.”

I raise my hands and shrug, because yeah, “That was the plan.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. No fucking way.” He makes me watch him put his foot down.

“What, man, are you scared?”

“Yes!” he splutters.

“Don’t want to break a sweat? Or worried about a fall to yer death?”

“No and yes, in order. Asshole! And here I thought you were this big-hearted guy, but you’re just a tall, handsome, Irish, Mean Girl. I thought you were better than that, Billy.”

“I’m still stuck in the beginning part where you think I’m handsome?”

Simon gives me a dramatic shocked-horrified look.

Now this is the part where I start wondering again… “Theatre school, Simon. Admit it.”

“Dammit! You asshole,” he says, raising a finger to make his point.

“What did I do?” I demand. “Yeh needn’t be very embarrassed about the theatre school. It’s only really just a wee bit embarrassing. Just a wee bit,” he reiterates.

“You wish you went to theatre school,” he sneers.

“And there it is, ladies and gentleladies, the truth. Theatre school.” I’m laughing, I mean Jaysus, what else am I supposed to do with that?

He rolls his eyes. “Imagine you at theatre school. You’d prolly get a movie like the first thing you tried out for. That face, Jesus. Sometimes I kind of hate you. I mean, not like, a lot. Just enough to thumb my nose at God and say, ‘He could be better, y’know, God. Somewhere is a flaw, I know it.’”

Now he’s eyeballing me. “Your turn to look for it, God. I need a break.”

Now Simon is turning to me with a discomfiting curiosity. “Have you ever been shot down? Like by a girl.”

I’m speechless. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? It’s not like he wants to hear the truth. “What the fuck, Simon. What’re yeh on about? What’s gotten into yeh, man?”

“You’re avoiding, redirecting. That means you’ve never been shot down, have you?”

The good thing about this idiocy is that we’ve reached the stairs, and he still hasn’t noticed.

“I’ll tell yeh this, mate. Your girl, Sabina – she had no eyes for me, man. If I’d have tried it on with her, she’d’ve definitely shot me down. It was rather an emasculatin feelin, all told. I hope to never repeat it.”

He’s smiling and keeps climbing.

Until, “And you asshole! For making me climb these fucking stairs!”

————/-/————

Masterlist || ao3 || Start: Jan || Prev: April || Next: June wip!

————/-/————

[casualkhajiit]

Hey! This is an Intro Post!

Yeah I really did just see gerber make an intro post and started writing, I'm even gonna steal the layout he has! I'm so devious

General

Names, I don't have many to go by but I saw people rating theirs on twitter before and I like that format:

Casual 10/10 thats me!

CasualKhajiit 6/10 full name, real formal, I'm more...Casual than that (gettit? like my name)

Khajiit 3/10 I don't even play Skyrim anymore really

Cinna 3/10 my fursona's name, but she's more of a seperate character than 1:1 of me so its a bit weird to refer to me as her

Al 7/10 a nickname, only really for people who know me irl

My pronouns are She/They, I'm pan and taken

DNI if your racist, homophobic, a TERF, a zoophile, a proshipper, or just any of that icky stuff in general! Also I'm literally a communist so like if your some sorta bootlicker then uh, you won't like me! (but this is tumblr not reddit or something so I doubt thats much of an issue)

My blog isn't like, an adult blog, but it can involve topics and stuff not for kids! I'd prefer 18+ but I'm not that strict on it, if you run up to me and be like "I'm 9!" I'll be weirded out tho and probably block you or something

What you can expect to see here

Really, just whatever I reblog (memes and art) and whatever I post (art and random thoughts in the form of text posts). I don't use Tumblr for much other than fandom stuff so expect mostly that. I try to draw more fandom stuff but honestly I fall back on drawing my fursona a lot because I'm used to drawing her, I cannot draw humans very well so it'll probably be furries or cats mostly! I wish I could write well but like, nah, I've tried - I'll leave the writing to my boyfriend lmao

I think my asks are open, I'm not sure on how this website works I'm like an old decrepid man so if they aren't actually on then whoopsie daisies!

Fandomsss

Disco Elysium: Spoilers now ok! Love the lads, and I swear that is the funniest book game in existance

Splatoon: I don't actually play all that much anymore but I am HERE for the music and idols, I don't know a lot of lore but I'm here for the ride

Warrior Cats: Its like one of my oldest fandoms, I don't follow as closely anymore but I'm there for it. Like, all my music taste is from Warrior Cats MAPs, them funky animated cats got taste, y'know?

My own (and my friends) ocs: ok it doesnt technically count as a fandom but they're all that exist in my tiny brain! All the thoughts in my head are abt them! There's like nothing else in there!

Jujitsu Kaisen: No manga spoilers!! I am a little bit obsessed with this show, to the point I made a bargain with my boyfriend (who does not like Anime) to get him to watch it

The Boys: No spoilers I'm only on season 2! This was my end of the bargain mentioned in the fandom above, and now I am kinda obsessed with this too- Frenchie and Kimiko <3

Art as a whole: I just like trying different art forms, from 3D modelling to digital art to painting to sculpting to fursuit making, its very fun 10/10 would reccomend

The grand finale

yep thats me

[candlecat624]

I find it funny on here how I see my mutals n stuff getting asks from other mutals n stuff, some I even know and I get jack shit in my inbox😭😭 it’s been so long since I got an ask on here that wasn’t someone asking me to sign a petition, donate money or do the “share this to 10 friends and tell me a fun fact-“ or some shit. The only asks I have are the ones from my fnaf kin blog that I’m honestly thinking of archiving cause the amount of asks I have just sitting there is so overwhelming that I haven’t looked into there since mid last year or smth and I just know that there’s asks from 2021 sitting there I feel horrid about because I haven’t been fully invested into fnaf in ages despite my literal preferred name being the same as one of the main characters in the series and being in the fandom since 2014.

Now I’m more into genshin and gorillaz again but I feel horrible. I’m not involved with the interests of somebody I hold very dear to my heart and it almost feels like I’m loosing them cause of it even though I know full well that they’ve got their friends and their happiness should be my only concern. Which I’m trying to keep, cause I don’t want to seem selfish and ask for more of their time when I don’t even know how to hold a conversation anymore and it’s eating me from the inside out.

I already broke off 2 partners a few months ago or so due to falling out of love. I don’t want to loose another. I don’t want to loose them because I know that deleting all the shit I’ve got on my phone for them is going to fucking break me but as I’ve said in the past, I’d be more than willing to sacrifice myself for their happiness. I won’t lie and say I’m nervous it might happen soon.

This sounds selfish but I’m hoping they remember my birthday this year. I don’t want to remind them and I’m not gonna try and drop any hints, I just wanna be sure they remember still. I know that’s an odd thing to be concerned about but I don’t know, I’m just. Eugh. I don’t know how I feel anymore, whenever we talk it feels like somethings missing and I get this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to break up with them and I know it’s not right because it’s the same voice that my intrusive thoughts have because that’s just what it is, intrusive thoughts.

But holy fuck I just realised how off track this got uhm- whoopsies gonna have to tag this with the vent tag cause I feel the need to post this one for some reason. I know I shouldn’t air my dirty laundry like this but the person I’m talking about hasn’t been in my notifications for weeks at this point really so-

[queenofbaws]

Hi there! For the six sentence Saturday/Sunday: Laura and Max post-game? Reunion after everybody lives ending, emotional support awaiting trial, talking about their college plans, or whatever else you can come up with! I just need my LauraMax itch scratched and you write them so well! ❤️

It was surreal to be like that, really, gently rocking in the hammock his family had always kept on the back porch, watching the sky explode into a million different colors as the sun began to set; after the past couple of months, moments like that just sort of felt...well, dream-like really, like if they weren’t careful or if they moved too quickly or even if they said the wrong thing it all might come crumbling down and they’d wake up surrounded by cold cement and steel bars.

“So,” Max said, watching the sky for any sign of flickering or wobbling or other dream-giveaways as he lay there with Laura’s head tucked under his chin and her arm stretched comfortably across his chest, “Having seconds thoughts about the whole vet thing now that you’ve gotten all up close and personal with a few of nature’s whoopsies?”

She hummed thoughtfully for a moment, the sound buzzing against his collarbone, before she lifted her head to grin deviously up at him and joke, “You know, it’s funny you’d ask...I’ve actually been giving a lot of thought to giving the whole thing up and maybe just...oh, I dunno...becoming a cop instead.”

He rolled his eyes and threw his arms up in the air as best he could with her lying against him like that, pretending not to hear her laughter as he groaned, “Laura, hun, I love you, I really do, but if you even joke about that crap again, I swear to God, we’re getting a divorce.”

“We’re not married,” she snorted, wrestling his arms back down where they’d been before so she could set her chin back on his shoulder, her hair tickling his jaw.

“I’ll marry you just to divorce you,” he grinned, dropping a kiss to the top of her head as he hugged her tighter and tighter still against him, her weight just as reassuring as the smell of fresh-cut grass and someone else’s barbecue on the breeze that they were awake and alive and safe back home in one piece, “I mean, I’d probably marry you again after, don’t get me wrong, but...it’s the principle of the thing, babe.”

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga p2

part 1 is here :3

this post includes more excruciatingly long paragraphs so grab urself something and enjoy LOL

chapter 40 

i know they’re not interacting in this panel but i still want to bring it up.  i’m gonna give some context to this scene in case someone needs to jog their memory.  so basically, mei’s ability to command crows is what allows the staff to observe the students from afar.  however, gojo notices that there’s lack of footage where yuuji is and asks mei why that’s so.  she tells him that they’re animals at the end of the day so she can’t control what they look at.  he doesn’t believe her so he asks her whose side she’s on (for yuuji’s execution vs against yuuji’s execution) to which she responds with, “whose side?  i’m on the side with money, of course.  there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money.”  in other words, she’ll always choose the side that offers her more money because she doesn’t care about how morally “correct” or “incorrect” something is.  it’s not worth fighting for a cause that doesn’t benefit her in the long run which is why she views things that are unable to be bought (friendships, relationships, favors) as useless - they can’t be exchanged for money.  it’s clear that gojo knows she’s not on his side because he replies with, “spoken from experience!” or “i wonder how much!” (translation varies).  he says it out loud to perhaps let gakuganji know that he’s onto him.  i find it interesting how utahime is in the panel as well with a “?” to express her confusion at his words.  let’s overthink dissect that.  why is she there in the first place? if the message was to let gakuganji know that gojo is aware of his ulterior motives then a panel with gakuganji and gojo would have sufficed.  why add utahime with a question mark? 

here’s a personal headcanon of mine that makes no absolute sense, but who cares? it makes me happy LOL.  so let’s examine the panel.  gojo’s face is more simplified and cartoonish with a grey background on top and some sort of white bubble surrounding the three characters.  gakuganji is staring at utahime and gojo.  in the official viz translation, he replies to mei with, “i wonder how much!”  

normal and logical explanation: shading the principal by asking out loud how much mei was paid by him to avoid monitoring yuuji.

gojohime brainrot explanation: 

mei: “there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money”

gojo: (in response) i wonder how much utahime’s love would cost if it did have a price.

utahime: ?

you’re probably thinking i’m delulu (true) BUT HEAR ME OUT.  IT WOULD SOMEWHAT MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT...

mei’s saying seems to be what she lives by.  relationships, love, friendships, etc. do not matter to her as this is evident when she ultimately abandons everyone in shibuya to escape to malaysia, selling all her stocks before japan’s economy goes down.  she doesn’t care about anyone else.  she even takes advantage of ui ui’s adoration for her.  she contrasts utahime.  utahime is loved by her students.  children, especially teenagers, are picky when it comes to choosing the adults they admire and respect.  while everyone trusts gojo, they do not respect him because of his childishness and overall absurdity.  it’s refreshing to see how they always call him an idiot or have a -_- face when he’s around.  when akutami says everyone absolutely adores utahime-sensei, it says a lot.  we haven’t seen her interact with her students all that much, but she’s obviously close to them because she’s frequently arguing with momo.  even a closed off person like mechamaru wanted to keep her away from danger.  she most certainly expresses a lot of concern and care for her students, and gojo and her students can pick up on this. 

i’ve talked about this in every post LOLOL but there’s a reason why he went to utahime first to help him investigate.  utahime is a loyal person through and through.  she would never do something that harms the students even if she was offered everything in the world.  she values relationships above everything else.  besides her concern for the students, how else was i able to come to this conclusion about her character?  well, she got shoko to stop smoking because she was worried about how it might damage her friend’s health.  from these two details, it’s obvious that she’s the complete opposite of mei.  

maybe that’s why he calls her weak.  she’s too selfless and compassionate in a world where every sorcerer is for themselves.  the world is cruel as a sorcerer.  no matter how hard you try to fight, in the end, you’ll always die alone.  remember his talk with megumi after the baseball game?  after witnessing megumi pull a sacrificial bunt to help his teammates advance, gojo has a talk with megumi about his attitude and potential.  he says that being selfless and caring about others is not a bad thing, but in a world like this, where people always die alone, he is wasting his potential by being concerned with others.  it’s okay to be selfish.  this is why we see fierce independence in a lot of the sorcerers like mei, nanami, and gojo.  they each have their own reasons as to why they work alone, but it’s still a common characteristic.  i feel like utahime doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body.  i speculate that her selflessness is the exact reason why she is being held back.  during her mission to exorcise a grade 1 spirit by herself, the final task before being promoted to grade 1, she likely got distracted trying to help civilians out of danger and failed her mission.  he’s right when he says she doesn’t have the guts to be the traitor, utahime doesn’t have it in her to do something so boldly solely for her own benefit.  

after this long tangent, how does this relate to your headcanon, ootahime?  

as you know, love is not transactional.  you can’t pay someone to love you.  what if gojo is asking himself how much it would cost to buy her love.  hence, her confusion because she is oblivious to what he really means.  it could be probable because gakuganji is observing not only gojo, but utahime as well.  so what gojo says must involve her too, right?  

or she could just be confused because his words seem out of place because she is unaware of what gakuganji is doing behind everyone’s back.  that explanation makes sense for viz’s official translation but it doesn’t make sense when he says, “spoken from experience!” because his words make sense in that context.  he’s basically saying that mei’s beliefs must be based on her past experiences so he understands why she feels this way.  that’s an appropriate response to mei’s statement so i don’t see why utahime would be confused by this.  unless i’m interpreting this whole scene completely wrong.  in that case, whoopsies!  

let me know if you’re confused because i’m willing to clarify.  idk why but i found this really difficult to explain.  maybe because i’m reaching so hard haha

chapter 40

he finds any way he can to tease her.  they seem like a married couple watching a movie or something.  does he take pride in being the only person she doesn’t get along with?  i mean, she says it herself so he is aware she thinks he’s annoying, but he keeps picking on her anyway.  he doesn’t even pick on his enemies this much LMAOOO i think the only other person he likes to make fun of is gakuganji but he does so because he doesn’t agree with his views.  with utahime it’s different.  he trusts her a lot and even looks out for her.  

chapter 44

why are there two separate instances of gakuganji observing utahime and gojo’s interactions from afar?  nah i’m just playing.  he’s just looking because he’s concerned she’ll run into the semi-grade 1 curse he had for yuuji.  OKAY BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING KINDA CUTE?  whenever utahime says something suddenly, he always has those 3 little triangles near his head.  it’s like he’s thinking, “oh!  utahime is speaking, i must listen <3″  look at his face too.  he’s looking at her like :O

this is also an example of her showcasing her concern for the students in front of gojo.  i feel like he questions why she’s so caring because if it were him, he would have left the student to figure it out themselves.  i really wonder how she would react if he answered her truthfully when she asked what he’d do if she were the traitor.  

chapter 45

there’s not much to say here...they’re just cute.  i know it’ll never happen but i’d like to see them fight side by side one day.  i’m aware that gojo works best alone but i just want to see how they’d work together, okay? 😔

chapter 45

see the little triangles on his head again?  UGH SO CUTE.  

chapter 45

IS THIS NOT INTENTIONAL???  they share the same thoughts.  he even finished her thought.  mannnnnnnnnnnnn what is akutami doing?  giving us false hope and stripping it away just for fun?  making them work so well together for what??

chapter 52

cute how he looks out for her.  i have nothing more to say LOL

chapter 53

notice how they’re sitting across from each other?  HEHE

chapter 53

yet another instance of her caring for her students in front of gojo.  in the anime she has the cutest expression when she says she’s glad the students are safe.  i bet gojo saw that too.  i also bet that she looks prettier from his point of view.

extra

from the manga and light novels, gojo and utahime are the ones that talk about sports the most.  he most definitely chose baseball to cheer her up.  it’s not a coincidence people!  

--

i feel like i had a lot more to say but i completely lost my train of thought while writing this, especially with chapter 40. i’m once again writing this at 4 in the morning LOL........  please please please add on or share your thoughts!  thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes.  

[drawlfoy]

the poisoning of draco malfoy

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x fem!reader

request: no haha

summary: y/n is known her her hangover cure and her passion for potion making. something goes slightly wrong when it comes to helping draco malfoy.

warnings: mentions of underage drinking, swearing, getting poisoned lmfao

a/n: hiyo i should be studying rn for one of my exams on monday but i just wanted to post this also big sorrry to anyone’s dm that i have yet to respond to i literally just popped in here to do this and hopefully i will crawl out of my study hole in a few days fjsdka’

word count: 1.2k

tags :) message or send in an ask to be tagged! @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell

“Draco!” Y/N hissed as he flipped through her entire Potions cabinet, his fingers brushing over every bottle. “Be careful!”

“Sheesh, have I ever been anything but careful?” he teased, shooting her a very self-satisfied look before continuing his search. “Why don’t you label yours?”

“It adds spice to the whole hangover curing process, don’t you think?” she joked, sitting on her bed as she watched him. “Do you need help?”

“No, I’m fine.” She tried to suppress a smile as his stubborn persona reared its head. “It’s pink, right?”

“Yeah,” she said absentmindedly. Her thoughts were somewhere other than potions--instead thinking of how he’d let her rest her head on his shoulder while they were all talking. It obviously meant nothing--they were just friends--but it still made her heart speed up when she thought about it. 

“Got it.” He shut her cabinet, brandishing a small pink bottle before tossing it into his pocket. “Thanks, Y/N. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Anytime,” she said. If she avoided looking him in the eyes for too long, she could pretend like she didn’t feel disappointment at the fact that his visit to her room would be so brief. When he’d asked the group for Wide-Eye potion, everyone had directed him to her and her signature brew (which was really just Wide-Eye brewed with the essence of mandrake root). She’d let her mind wander to the possibilities of what might happen when they were alone in her room--but that was all drunken fantasy speaking. Just because he let her touch his shoulder didn’t mean he was about to propose.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” He sent her a grin that made her knees weak, turning to leave.

“See you.” 

With that, he was gone.

~

“Think you’re funny, huh?”

Draco’s voice cut through her own pounding head as she sat at the Ravenclaw table with her other equally hungover friends.

“Excuse me?” She whipped around to see him pink with frustration. “Did you even take it?”

“It doesn’t work,” he told her matter-of-factly. “I don’t know how you managed to con all your friends into thinking that you’re some sort of Potions master at the age of 17, but you’re not. I know you’re a fraud.”

“What are you talking about?” Y/N asked. “That potion works. I’ve used it myself.”

“Yeah, it’s magic,” said her fellow Ravenclaw friend, Rena, from across the table. “I actually stole a vial from your cabinet this morning. Never been better. Maybe you’re just ill.”

“Huh?” Y/N asked. “I gave the last vial to Draco last night. There’s no way you could’ve…” The color drained from her face. “Draco, do you still have the bottle from last night? Can you describe the potion to me?”

The realization seemed to dawn upon him as his eyes widened. “No. I threw it out. It just looked like a regular potions bottle. Pink, like you said. Oh, god, did you poison me?”

“You’re still alive, aren’t you?” said Y/N, keeping her tone cavalier despite the fact that she was terrified. “There’s nothing...deadly...in there per se. But it’s not all totally legal for someone like me to have, so we can’t let Pomfrey know about it until I figure out what you took. Or Snape. Especially not Snape.” She shivered.

“So what do you suggest we do?” he drawled.

“Come with me. I’m going to try and figure out what’s missing.”

They didn’t talk much on their way to the Ravenclaw dorms apart from Y/N asking him about his symptoms. As far as she could tell, he was perfectly fine apart from a headache and sensitivity to sound and light--a classic hangover. 

She racked her brain, trying to think about what potion could be in her cabinet that wouldn’t cause ANY effects, even with the combination with alcohol. There was nothing. Quite literally nothing.

“Ok,” she told him as they stood in front of her cabinet. “I want you to tell me the general region where you grabbed it.”

Draco squinted at the bottles, running his fingers over them like he had last night. “To be honest, I hardly remember. It was a blur. Maybe this’ll teach you to put labels on them.”

“Normally I don’t have people ransacking my potions!” she snapped, throwing her hands in the air. “Are you sure you don’t feel anything different from a hangover? Like, at all?”

“No.” 

“Did you even take it?”

“Yes, I’m quite certain I drank a potion you gave to me this morning unless I completely imagined the entire thing,” he said, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and sitting down next to her. “How fucked am I? Should I go to the hospital wing?”

“Worst comes to worst we use a bezoar, but it doesn’t look like you’re in any danger.” She chewed her lip as she thought. “Hang on…you’re absolutely positive it was pink, right? Were there any other colors in it?” 

“Gold flecks.” 

She sprung up, digging through her cabinet and ignoring Draco’s questioning. “This doesn’t make any sense. I think you took my love potion.”

“No way,” he scoffed. “I think I would know if I was under the influence of a love potion.”

“I know. That’s why it doesn’t make any sense,” Y/N said. “But there’s only one potion in here that has gold flecks, and that’s a love potion. And it’s gone. Unless Rena took it--and I think everyone would’ve noticed that by now--it had to have been you.”

“But I feel normal!” he protested, running his hands through his hair. 

“Of course you feel normal,” she chastised. “The whole point of love potions is to convince you that what you’re feeling is natural--oh.”

It hit her. 

He gave her a weird look.

“Got anything you want to confess, Malfoy?” she asked, cocking her head and meeting his eyes. 

“What?”

“Do you know how love potions work?”

“Of course I know how love potions work,” he snapped, narrowing his eyes. “I’m not 12.”

“Care to explain?”

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, but he crossed his legs and continued in a monotone voice as he recited the lesson they’d both heard in 3rd year. “The recipient of a love potion falls into infatuation with the…”

His voice trailed off.

“With the person who gave it to them, yeah?” pushed Y/N. “So if you feel no different, and I was the person who gave it to you..”

Draco just stared.

“Draco, I brewed that potion, and I know that there’s nothing wrong with it,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You feel normal because--”

“Because I normally feel infatuated with you, yeah,” he cut in, his tone bitter as he rolled his eyes again. “No need to spell it out for me.”

“This is horribly embarrassing for you, huh?” she teased, giving him a shove. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I’ve probably liked you for longer.”

“Well--what?” 

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging as she tucked her legs under her and scooted a little closer. “You don’t honestly think I’d give my last vial to some random classmate, do you?”

“Well, why didn’t you just tell me?” he teased. “I don’t let just anyone fall asleep on my shoulder.”

“I guess we’re both cowards, then,” said Y/N.

“And idiots.”

“I think that’s just you.”

final a/n: i didnt edit this and i wrote this in the middle of what was supposed to be a study session for me whoopsies fdjsa;k 

[anxiouspotatorants]

Whoopsy daisy I made a Shadow and Bone random thoughts post:

The costumes in this show are impeccable. I was drooling over all the keftas and the ball gowns in 1.05 and the crow outfits. Hell, even the winter-camo outfits that Mal, Mikhael and Dubrov wore in 1.04 were amazing.

Am I the only one who isn’t surprised by the kruge pronounciation? Because I thought it would sound like how English people say Scandinavian words and I wasn’t wrong.

Coming in to this show as someone who had only read the Six of Crows duology, I expected to at least tolerate Malina based on the trailer clips. I kid you not: less than five minutes into the very first episode they owned my ass. That might be a new record for me.

Seriously the friendship? The pining? The finding home in each other and being able to acknowledge their faults and apologize to each other? Both of them having massive “fight me” energy and protecting each other? Hugs?? Why am I surprised that I ship this?

Some of those scene transitions/flashback edits were so good! Like I know they repeated that meadow scene a lot throughout the season, but the cuts from kid-Mal looking at the rabbit to grown up Mal psyching himself up for the fist fight? Poetic cinema.

The Darkling was horrible and I love it. He wasn’t a carbon copy villain, nor did his complexity redeem him. He was a perfectly complex and understandable monster and I am living for it. I have not been so happy to despise a character in ages and I genuinely bow in gratitude to both the writers and Ben Barnes, because I finally got to enjoy watching a character I did not for one second root for ( #writevillainswellagain)

Look I already loved Jesper in the book but his on-screen translation elevated him from a fave to the fave. I was worried that they would push him into a comedic relief-role, but he got to keep both his heart, his depth, and his humour. Kit Young did an amazing job bringing what was already a great character on page to an even greater character on screen and I once again applaud.

Am I a bit bitter that the casting had some interesting choices for certain roles (aka hiring light skin and mid-size actors for explicitly darker skin and plus-size roles)? Kind of. Do I think there are important discussions worth having about this? Yup. Do I also think that every actor hired for Shadow and Bone did an amazing job and deserve zero hate and massive amounts of love? Also yes.

I had Alexei for one episode and one episode only, and I still miss that poor sucker. This show did a surprisingly good job with making me care about a massive amount of characters considering the screen time they had and the amount of episodes this season had. Good job.

For some reason I expected Inej to be a lot more brooding based on how I perceived her in the books but I love what Amita Suman did with her. Her translation completely recontextualised everything I remember from the books and just brought this truly fresh character to life. Assassin with a conscience indeed.

Also I did love the Kaz we got in this season but I can barely contain myself as I wait for season 2 to be made and for a certain flashback to take place because that moment in the book was visceral and it stayed with me for a long time and I knew before the show announcement that this flashback could become a television moment. 

Speaking of Kaz the crows were so chaotic and messy and I’m here for it. Their interactions with each other and their improvised back-up plans were everything. I somehow didn’t expect the crows to become the comedic relief of the season but it honestly makes so much sense.

A couple episodes in I still didn’t get the Zoya hype (remember I haven’t read the books) but was a massive Genya fan. By the end of the season I was like “oh both of these girls are getting redemption arcs and I am here for it”.

Speaking of redemption I still don’t like Matthias. I’m sorry but I just don’t. I get that he is important to many and that they like his relationship with Nina, but I just don’t have the patience for him and feel like Nina can do better. I still want him to get a redemption... but maybe not through a romance with the grisha woman he repeatedly slutshames, is bigoted towards and chokes at least once (twice if that SoC scene from book 1 happens). That being said this is just how I see him, so feel what ever you feel about him and ship to your heart’s content!

Alina’s journey through this season made complete sense to me. It hurt to see certain things, but they were necessary in my eyes. Seeing her go from this essentially insecure but brave girl to a manipulated pawn to an even stronger and more self reliant girl in spite of everything was amazing. It did feel like a well-written hero’s journey and I’m looking forward to seeing where she goes next.

Apparently a lot of book-readers don’t like Mal (and I am not here to change anyone’s mind about that) but the Mal I saw on the show was amazing. I actually kind of wish we had seen more of who he was outside of his relationship to Alina (f.ex. other flashbacks than the meadow, maybe something about any of his missions while separated from Alina pre-show), but I also loved what we got of him with Alina. We still got to see a guy who was brave, stubborn, flirtatious, a bit judgemental but with a strong sense of humour, and a lot of loyalty (to Alina but also to his friends). I can hardly wait to see what’s next for him.

Milo the goat. Where do I even begin. Not only did we get that Jesper-scene, but their farewell actually became a Chekhov’s gun for Mal in 1.07? Milo is the true hero of the season.

Speaking of 1.07 I loved the tent scene between Alina and the Darkling. She both got to be realistic about her feelings for the Darkling and stand up for herself and for others and call him out. The way I interpret the Darkling, he is the kind of villain who creates a saviour narrative around himself but cares more about power than anything else. He’ll say he’s doing everything to protect his people but is the first to kill the very people he claims to love. And Alina’s tent-speech really hammered that in for me.

I adore Baghra. Is she morally dubious? Yes. Was she incredibly mean to Alina during training to the point where it might have been excessive? Yes. Did she not take any of the Darkling’s bullshit and act as the proper mentor for Alina when the Darkling had said that he was going to train her? Yes. Am I kind of a Baghra stan now? I mean maybe.

The antler-collar was so evil and gross but from a visually narrative stand point it was perfect. 

Also I still have no idea who David is but I want redemption for him too. Honestly I feel like half the supporting cast is gearing up for redemption arcs next season and I am excited for most of them.

Nina’s reaction when she hears Kaz on the boat? Priceless. Actually the whole boat scene from when she goes up on deck again to the cut back to the fold was priceless.

That being said the final scene had me even more ready for season 2.

Jesper kind of gave me messy period-fantasy James Bond? Does that make sense?

And Mal kind of gave me Lois Lane energy? As in he’s the mortal love interest that many assume is the hero/heroine’s weakness but actually functions as their emotional strength and inspiration? Am I reaching here or am I getting somewhere?

Mikhael and Dubrov. What a duo. Absolute madlads.

Also I’d like to see more Nadia if that is possible? Because the few scenes we had of her had me intrigued but then she sort of disappeared? Is she going to be important or was she just more of a temporary supporting character? 

I entered this show a casual Six of Crows fan with mild interest in Kanej and I finished this season a mess. A mess who ships Kanej and Malina and Genya with that David guy even though they had about 30 seconds of screentime together and Zoya with redemption and Jesper with main-character status (hey we’re not getting Wylan until season 2 at least) and kind of those two Ravkan army guys and Nina with anyone else and Matthias with a better redemption storyline and the Darkling with karma! Also, a mess with a whole new set of comfort characters!

[bansheeoftheforest]

Hi, hello, Ghost AU but Rachel, Jasper, Edward, and Henry are all ghosts from different time periods haunting the Society because their final resting places were in the buildings that came before the Society or something, where the Society was started by Robert.

Rachel is a cook/maid from the early Middle Ages who likes to bake at night. The Lodgers are all completely flabbergasted as to why there are tasty meals ready for them that none of the staff Robert hired take credit for.

Jasper is a shepherd from the 2nd century, back when Celtic tribes still lived in England pre-Anglican era. He enjoys tending to the animals, and any Lodgers with pets often find them dozing in piles around an empty circle as if someone were sitting there.

Edward is the youngest of the ghosts, having been murdered during the early Victorian era and had his body buried on the empty plot of land that the Society was later built on. He's an absolute scoundrel and pranks the Lodgers constantly.

Henry was a navy surgeon during the Edwardian era who is absolutely fascinated by Victorian modern medicine and science. He also has a huge crush on Robert and often tries to help him with paperwork and make him tea whenever he falls asleep, leaving Robert very perplexed when everyone keeps asking to meet his 'mysterious yet charming co-founder'.

Robert soon finds the answers to the pranks, the cooking, the animals, and the help by walking into a room while the four are bickering and discovering he can see ghosts. Cue Robert trying to subtly ask Maijabi ghost stuff while trying not to have a breakdown and also not admit that that ghost in the ship surgeon's uniform is kinda cute.

JAHAJHASJASHDASD

JEKS I GOT THIS ASK AND I IMMEDIATELY TORE OUT MY SCHOOL LAPTOP FROM THE CASE BECUASE I WAS SO EXCITED T ANSWER THIS OK I LOVE THIS SO MUCH??? ALSO HENRY BEING A NAVY SURGEON HELL YES

Rachel still loving to cook, yet no matter how much she cooks ingredients never seem to disappear despite warm, tasty (and if not a bit old-fashioned meals) appears for the Lodgers to feast on. No Lodger ever goes hungry and Robert's staff quickly notices that they really don't have to cook as much as they do, as it seems like meals mysteriously appear. Lodgers explain it as the staff being kind but not wanting Robert to know that they cook extra and the staff thinks it's the Lodgers or Robert buying more pre-cooked meals. Maybe she died during a raid on the building she lived in if she worked for nobility.

Jasper being a shepherd and loving to take care of any and all animals, especially the mythological/supernatural ones because they fascinate him. Imagine him having been a werewolf regardless but like that one post about a werewolf shepherd because I love that post. The animals are constantly being fed and pampered and the Lodgers think their pets are being aloof, when in reality they are just getting so much attention from Jasper they almost ignore their actual owners. Maybe Jasper died because of an animal, or because of bad werewolf health care (i know nothing about the 2nd century in England, I don't know how they'd feel about werewolves dhdh)

Edward loving to pull pranks and yet being so fascinated with all the scientific stuff in the Society. He keeps tinkering and messing with the machines and devices and he keeps fucking them up without meaning to, yet he takes credit for having done it intentionally anyways. He loves to move the Lodgers' stuff and steal their shinies and just be a general menace, almost like a poltergeist. Doors opening and closing, windows and glass surface getting broken, he is just a scoundrel that keeps bothering the Lodgers for shits and giggles, literally, as he always will giggle when he has successfully pulled a prank but the Lodgers think it's the wind or someone else giggling. Perhaps he died in a barfight or similarly to Eli, where he got chased by the cops and the Society was where he died, before the building was built?

Henry being so kind and loving and fascinated with science, just like Edward, yet he is much more careful and is more likely to accidentally steal medicine and supplies from the infirmary because he got curious about all the new things and got carried away. Whenever a Lodger gets hurt, it always seems like there conveniently is painkillers, bandages, and disinfectant by them to patch themselves up (or if they, say, gets so hurt that they go unconscious and no one notice, they somehow wake up in the infirmary completely patched up without anyone even knowing that they were hurt). They always feel so much safer and calmer after having gotten hurt because Henry watches over them to make sure they rest properly and take care of themselves. Whenever a Lodger stays up too late, Henry will gently start to nudge them to go to sleep to take care of themselves and just be generally helpful. Plus, him having a major crush on Robert and being absolutely smitten by him. Robert constantly feels watched but not in a scary or uncanny way, it just feels pleasant. Paperwork all being done and neatly documented and stacked and sorted, his office always being clean and neat and tidy no matter how messy he left it, letters from his father that would have upset him to read conveniently goes missing and ahah whoopsies would you look at that it seems like there has been burning paper in the fireplace. Sometimes he will come back and it will look like someone has taken out books or wine bottles from their shelves and started to shuffle through then but he keeps convincing himself that he accidentally left them there. Maybe Henry died because he got infected by a sick patient he treated, and the land where the Society is on is either an old graveyard, an old dock, or a medical ward where he worked when he wasn't out at sea?

Robert getting so accustomed to the supernatural, or him just being born with somewhat of an inherited ability to see ghosts and supernatural (or if the ghost quartet just somehow manage to leave their forms noticeable to Robert when he walks in on them) and Robert realising that the Society is being haunted by not one, but four ghosts while they previously had thought there was only one, if even that. Him having a bit of a breakdown realising he can see ghosts which he definitely shouldn't be able to. Him subtly trying to ask Maijabi-- what if Maijabi already knew but never said anything because he thought it was amusing to see Henry trying to ghostly flirt with Robert and following him like a love-sick puppy? Or if he didn't know because he never bothered to check so he and Robert go on a bit of a ghost hunt. The other Lodgers quickly hearing the rumours and jumping on the opportunity to hold seances and contact the ghosts. Just... Good fucking god I love this so much. Jeks i'm going to platonically kiss you for coming up with this. If you'd ever draw this I'd give you my soul Oh m J gyg dddod,d,d

[thefemdomenchantress]

The Enchantress: A Most Cruel Baron (part 1)

The cruel mistress had forced the hero into the form fitting, double sealed cocoon. She smirked down at his struggling form. She turned to the enchantress, who was leaning in the corner shaking her head.

Baroness: He came at my house, with the notion that he would defeat me and free my slaves... So I’ve made him into one instead. Will you be interfering?

Enchantress: If he were foolish enough to be defeated by you he deserves it. I won’t interrupt your game.

The baroness smirked and looked down at the cocooned hero.

Baroness: You weren’t as powerful as the rumors made you out to be, heroic little boy. I was able to overpower you with just a zap of my lightning baton... It’s such a mighty baton, isn’t it?

Giggling, she bent down to feel the hero’s crotch. He squirmed. She had sealed him nude, an impression of his erection outlined against the rubber. She smirked and placed her baton, powered off mercifully, alongside his cock. It had a solid two inches over the hero’s “baton.”

Baroness: My my, unimpressive in other ways. I believe mine is far worthier of the tile “hero” than yours. Aren’t heroes supposed to wield mighty weapons, hero?

As she said this the enchantress shook her head and walked toward the two. She nudged the baroness to the side and whispered in the hero’s ear.

Enchantress: Hello, dear. Just letting you know that I am here as well.. I’ll be protecting you from anything too dangerous... Does that relieve you? Or are you even more terrified than before...

The hero’s squirming and struggling immediately heightened... His erection immediately grew, stretching its rubber trappings. The baroness’s eyes widened as it grew to nine... almost ten inches, surpassing the length of the baton by half an inch.

The enchantress smirked at the baroness, who pouted.

*** *** ***

The baroness forced the bound hero’s body to the ceiling, bound with a chain holding his ankles, his knees, and one against his shoulders. He hung two meters in the air, his back curved back so that his crotch was dangling a foot below the mistress’s head.

She felt the rubber bound crotch with her hands, gently at first. Then she pressed the hard end of her whip against the outline of his cock to let him know her sadistic plan.

Baroness: Real leather. The knob at the end isn’t metal, just some bunched up wool. Your body is covered with relatively thick rubber, which will shield you only a bit. Make no mistake, it’ll still hurt more than you could possibly imagine.

She looked back at the enchantress.

Baroness: . . . You really won’t object to this? I’m going to be destroying your boyfriend’s precious cock.

Enchantress: Do your worst.

Baroness: It’ll be slow... I’ll make him suffer for a long time... I once captured a robber and whipped him for a whole day. Even hunger and thirst couldn’t stop me.

Enchantress: Your sadism knows no bounds, Baroness. Impressive. Nevertheless, feel free.

Baroness: Truly, you are a most awful lover.

Enchantress: You simply don’t understand him as I do.

The baroness uncoiled her whip. It was thin, like thread.

Baroness: You underestimate my whipping arm, enchantress.

She swung her whip at the hero’s crotch. It struck him with a crack.

Disappointingly, the hero gave a low muffled wince. Not the shrill scream of pain the baroness expected.

Enchantress: Hmph. Even if he weren’t shielded in tight rubber the hero would barely feel such a weak blow.

Incensed by these words the cruel baroness swung harder with each subsequent whip. She expertly hit her target each time, the hero’s poor tortured genitals. Even simply watching would make anyone who was born with a pair of balls themselves beg for mercy on the hero’s behalf.

Except for the lack of cries or evidence of pain. In fact, the hero was instead moaning, and whimpering. He begged for her to stop and for mercy, yes... But not from pain.

Baroness: My God... he’s about to cum... Is he a masochist.

Enchantress: As I said before, your weak little whip is nothing against his bulwark of defense. His pain tolerance is inhuman, beyond even the level of some of the mightiest ogres. All you’re doing is bullying his poor cock... Essentially, you’ve just been jerking him off. Well, not that I’d stop you even if you could hurt him.

The enchantress glanced at the hero, frowning. Her precious hero had many weaknesses. But he had none at all against pain. She had never uncovered the mystery of why...

Baroness: Absurd!

She gave one final lash at the hero’s cock.

The rubber split open. His long, erect cock slid through the slit. It was trembling...

Baroness: Oh my!

The baroness flinched, covering her face as though expecting him to cum right onto her body... When it became clear he wasn’t going to... not yet... she took a closer look...

Baroness: O-oh...

She looked at it with some reluctant admiration... She had spent the last few minutes attacking it, and yet it was not bruised or cut. It was simply red from the pressure of being sealed up for so long, huge from arousal, and shivering on the edge of eruption from the erotic abuse...

The words “strength” and “beautiful” being associated with a penis is laughable. Ridiculous. And yet those bizarre and childish thoughts appeared in the baroness’s head...

Despite herself she wanted to touch it, even if it made him cum all over her. She would risk it...

She felt the cock’s skin with her finger tips, stroking it. The hero’s muffled screams grew louder. It felt hard, nicely warm... Being a cruel, despicable human being, each time before that the baroness had felt the penises of her playthings they were whipped and pathetic little things that she had abused. She would masturbate to her sex toys’ destruction and her dominance and victories over them, never actually allowing them to orgasm...

She gave the hero’s cock three soft tugs. The hero screamed in ecstasy and the baroness knew it was coming. She was braced for it, however unpleasant it might be. In fact, some dark secret part of her soul wanted it. She wanted to see if there was pleasure in making a man cum...

Enchantress: Whoopsie!

With a snap of the fingers the hero’s cock was sealed up back into the rubber suit, which repaired itself. The hero’s hips bucked against the rubber bindings and he screamed and moaned. To the baroness’s great dismay, she realized he was orgasming inside the suit. She could only see his orgasm through the opaque, tight rubber outlining his shapely cock. It twitched and twitched for a solid twenty seconds! And it grew smaller and smaller.

She watched it with wonder. What was this feeling, knowing she had made him cum? She had always seen allowing a slave an orgasm as making a concession, giving mercy. But this didn’t feel like that at all. She felt a warm tingling in her loins that she couldn’t explain...

Enchantress: That was close, baroness. You nearly got your slave’s nasty gunk all over you. Luckily I was here.

The baroness looked at the enchantress. She was looking down at her, smirking. Whatever the baroness was feeling right now, the enchantress obviously knew.

Humiliated the baroness stormed away to stew in her thoughts in another room.

The enchantress smiled up at the bound hero.

Enchantress: Quite a predicament you’ve fallen into. I wonder how or if you’ll ever escape this one... 

She chuckled to herself as she reached up and began squeezing the poor hero’s post-orgasm, tender and sensitive rubber bulge...

[blackaquokat]

For the #SWFarFromHome Challenge!

So @ollovae3 opened up  this challenge about how one would do if they were suddenly swept into the Star Wars universe. ( @forcesensitiveaurawielder , @sweetiepie08 , @uraaniuum I think you guys would have a blast with this! )

Since I cannot Art, but do Write, here are my thoughts on myself (in word vomit form for now, because this might just be an ongoing thought experiment for a while unless the muse bites big time) If ever would write this, I might do it in third-person because I’m more comfortable with that perspective than 1st person from a writing standpoint. (More Under the Cut)

My name is Sarah. I am a twenty-four year old third-gen Lebanese-American library clerk with intense anxiety and possibly (undiagnosed but highly suspected) autism, so I can tell you right off the bat, my possible reactions to waking up in Star Wars will range from severe disconnect to cope/survive or an immediate panic attack. Or one and then the other. I don’t know it yet, but it’s at least a year or so before the Clone Wars begin (for now, until I figure out a timeline).

I end up at least in the upper levels of Coruscant, and the last thing I remember is delivering a package to the Post Office on behalf of my library. My sense of direction outisde of a building or familiar neighborhood is nonexistent. In a fog of panic and confusion, I whoopsy-doodle my way to the Temple after many wrong turns, and beg to talk to a jedi. They would be the most likely to believe what I’m saying, right? This has to be some Force-related nonsense or some kind of freak-mishap of science, right?

I ask to speak to Plo Koon, most likely, although I would wonder if what I know of Star Wars is actually REAL and not just stories based on this world. Do I know the correct histories, spotty as my knowledge is? Is there actually a clone army across the galaxy? Do I know the future, or just someone’s dystopian fiction of this galaxy? Is Palpatine in power right now and if so, is he really a sith lord, or was someone making a political allegory about the inherent corruption of politics? My mind would spiral until I get the chance to confirm any of what I know. Perhaps I’d have some footing if I do know these things, but that would also mean the jedi temple I’m in front of will someday be the site of a mass genocide.

I think Plo Koon would agree to speak to me, because he’s a decent person. I think he’d sense the truth of me once I tell him what’s going on. Maybe he suggests I talk to the counsel and I panic because what if they don’t believe me? Or worse, what if I can’t get home? He comforts me and mostly succeeds. I agree to meet with them tomorrow. 

When he’s about to say good-bye, I say I don’t know where I’m supposed to sleep tonight. I remember that I won’t get to say good night to my sister or my mother before I go to bed and that’s the thing that finally cracks me open. I start crying and Plo Koon escorts me somewhere to cry privately. He offers up the sofa in his quarters. I accept, because what the hell else am I supposed to do?

I’ll call this Thought Page 1 because I have a LOT more disjointed thoughts about where this could go, but I don’t want to overwhelm everyone just yet. But this was FUN. Next time I come in I’ll fill in more details, like what my starting outfit would be (does it count as a Cosplay if I’m dressing as my Self-Insert?).

If my followers want to take part, I have the link at the top of this post! Hope you guys like this!

[hotsayce]

day 28: ribbons

Pairing: NCT X GN! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: Almost 4k

Summary: You wanted to show how much you appreciated Jungwoo by giving him a gift.

A/N: Jungwoo is very cute the end. I had to upload this from my phone so I hope it doesn’t post weird .😖 I just noticed I wrote day 28 on the other prompt too. Whoopsies.

Jungwoo! Come here please!”

Jungwoo and you were chilling at your apartment when you called him to come into the living room. You had been dating for some time and you wanted to thank him for coming over to your place so often to help you clean or just to keep you company.

You saw his tall figure emerge from the hallway. “What’s up?”

“I got you a presentttt” you sing-songed while Jungwoo sat on the couch.

“What? Why?” he asked with a grin on his face.

“Just because.” He gave you a questioning look. “It’s just that you’re always so nice to me. I really appreciate when you come over to spend time with me even though you’re always so busy.”

Jungwoo sank into the couch while smiling. “You know I love spending time with you. You don’t have to repay me by giving me gifts Y/N.” he reassured.

You countered, “I know, I know. I just wanted to give you a little something something. Just for fun. You’ll like it I promise.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “I’d like anything you give me.”

“Good. Now close your eyes!” you told him and he closed his eyes while patiently waiting for you to give him his gift. You brought the gift out from under the coffee table sitting in front of the couch.

“Okay open!” Jungwoo opened his eyes that grew wide when he saw the big rectangle with a ribbon on it that you were holding. He gave you ‘gimme hands’ and you handed him the gift you had made him.

He meticulously untied the ribbon and removed the bow until ripping off the blue wrapping paper. You chuckled at his haste until he finally pulled off the last piece. He stared at his gift with his mouth slightly open and you couldn’t read his expression. You were starting to get worried.

“Do you like it?” You were really hoping he did, you spent lots of time trying to finish it before today since you knew he’d come over.

“Y/N..I love this!” You exhaled in relief. He looked at you with the most genuine smile. “This is beautiful!” You had gifted Jungwoo a painting you made of the both of you. The picture was taken on your first date. Jungwoo had picked you up at your house for you guys to go out to eat at a fancy-but-not-too-fancy-restaurant and take a stroll downtown. You didn’t know but there was a special event going on at the park that night; your favorite movie was being played and anyone could bring blankets and watch. Jungwoo didn’t bring a blanket so as not to spoil the surprise but there was an inviting bench with both your names on it. You held hands during the movie while eating popcorn and laughing. After the movie ended, you asked one of the other park goers to take your picture. The picture was just the two of you side hugging and cheerfully looking at the camera but the memories that that night held were some you would never forget.

“This is from our first date.” He stated while still staring at the painting.

“Yes it is.” you looked down at your hands while you spoke. “Think of it as me thanking you for giving me one of the best nights of my life.” Jungwoo saw that you weren’t looking at him anymore and he put the painting down softly. He turned to you fully, lifting your chin to look into your eyes and say, “It was one of the best nights of my life too Y/N.” He pulled you into a hug and you enjoyed the scent of his cologne as you two sat there holding each other--until you heard him sniffle.

You pulled away, “Jungwoo are you crying?” You didn’t know whether to laugh or be troubled. Jungwoo wiped his nose. “No I’m not crying. It’s just a really thoughtful gift.” You knew he was lying by the red tint of his nose but you pushed that aside as you went to hug him again.

“I’m very glad you like it.” you squeezed him hard.

Jungwoo pulled back abruptly and held your shoulders. “Wait I have a gift for you too!” You lifted an eyebrow at him. “Close your eyes.” He mimicked what you said earlier and you did as told. You heard rustling sounds and were confused as to what he was doing until he told you to open your eyes. You laughed at the sight in front of you; Jungwoo had the ribbon from your painting tied around his neck and the bow stuck to the top of his head.

“Get it?” You continued to laugh at him. “It’s me. I’m your gift.” You rolled your eyes at him. “I get it Jungwoo. Thank you for being my gift. You’re my favorite.”

He leaned into your face, “You’re my favorite.” You giggled at him again and pushed his face away. He grinned while looking at you, proud of the cute joke he made and then said, “Seriously Y/N. Thank you so much.”

You groaned although you couldn’t hide your delight. “Quit thanking me. You’ve already said that like 3 times already.”

“Okay okay,” He complied. “Now help think of a place to hang this at the dorm.” You both snuggled together regarding your painting while discussing where in Jungwoo’s room he could hang his lovely work of art that you made him.