#really quite emotionally conflicting
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socialtomcat · 1 year ago
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gotta text back something vague
easter island head
🗿
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cuteniaarts · 7 months ago
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Here *throws random and actually much more important than I realised at first OC redesign at you after two and a half years since the OG*
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Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin! I just randomly remembered that she exists while putting together my OC family tree and since the only art I have of her is… nearly 3 years old and mediocre at best, and Kat and I have recently spent so much time focusing on Red Lotus siblings, I thought “Hey, why not redraw her? Just because she’s a cousin and not a sister doesn’t make her any less special than Lien-Hua, Summiya, Aiza or Haya!” (On that note… Nia give someone a brother challenge. The only one that counts is Aiza and she’s only a brother half the time)
Some headcanons about her, both new and old (the old copy-pasted over and slightly edited to save everyone the second hand embarrassment of going to look at my old art), which will go under the cut because this has gotten LONG:
Old:
Older than Ming-Hua by around 10 years
Her dad is the older half-brother of Ming-Hua's mom who’s… not the most fond of their side of the family
Has never left her home in the Foggy Swamp Water Tribe
Master healer, specialises in children. Can't have any of her own because of the high pollution levels in the swamp which is why she puts all those motherly instincts into teaching and caring for kids
Got a scar on her leg while saving Ming-Hua from some wild swamp creature when the latter was a child who was absolutely convinced she could handle everything herself and never listened to anyone. Ming-Hua still insists she had everything under control that day
She tried to understand Ming-Hua's perspective on things, she really did, but ultimately tribe mentality and fear for her cousin’s safety, believing her not to be nearly as capable as she claims to be, won over
Attempted to stop Ming-Hua from running away but was, obviously, unsuccessful
Was the one consoling Nuying after Ming-Hua left
Helped Suiren learn waterbending and held genuine affection for the girl, although she ultimately refused when Suiren begged for the chance for her and Midori to escape from Haya and live with the tribe. She thought that while Suiren would most likely adjust well, Midori was simply too Gaoling to survive in a place as dark, damp and isolated as the Swamp. She regrets that decision every day since she found out Suiren became an assassin
Mourned Ming-Hua more than anyone else in the tribe when informed of her death
New:
Was the one who babysat Ming-Hua a lot when Nuying was going through one of her depressive episodes after Cadeo left, and Ming-Hua actually enjoyed spending time with her because she was a lot less overbearing and protective than her mother. Was the first person to start calling her Ming. Sometimes Ming-Ming, but Ming-Hua had a tendency to deliver a very hard kick to the shins every time she tried that
Never left Nuying’s side when she got sick in the years following Ming-Hua’s disappearance, no matter how much everyone, including her own father, told her to stay away, there’s nothing she can do to help her. In her final moments, Nuying was delirious with fever and called out for Ming-Hua. Meifeng didn’t have the heart to remind her that her daughter left so instead let her hair down, covered her own hand in water and told Nuying that she was “right here, mom. I’m right here” and stayed like that until Nuying passed
When Ming-Hua returned, Meifeng was the one to break the news to her. Later, when Ming-Hua asked how and when it happened, she couldn’t quite stop herself from snapping at her because she should have been there, Meifeng shouldn’t have had to pretend to be her so her mother could die without worrying about where her daughter was. Their relationship never really fully recovered after that fight
Still, she had met Suiren when she was little on the rare occasions when the Red Lotus passed through the Swamp and Ming-Hua chose to take her daughter to visit the tribe. She never met Midori, but she did see Ming-Hua pregnant with her once
Didn’t know about Ming-Hua’s imprisonment until an 11-year-old Suiren told her because world news don’t reach into the heart of the Swamp. She just thought they had decided to stop visiting. The news crushed her but… a part of her couldn’t help but go “you should have fucking listened to me when I told you to stay, then this wouldn’t have happened”
Her teaching Suiren waterbending involved mostly the basics of combat (she herself doesn’t know much of it since she’s a healer), plantbending and healing. Suiren reached her level of mastery and proficiency as well as figured out icebending on her own through sheer determination and spite (she’s so much like her mama 🥹🥹🥹)
Is the only one from the tribe Suiren had ever confessed to about being an assassin. That knowledge broke her heart and she spent all those years absolutely terrified that Suiren would meet Ming-Hua’s fate. When Suiren stopped visiting at one point (when she left for her mission to kill Kuvira, got injured, recovered at ATI, reunited with her parents, broke Kuvira out and started living with her, etc etc) she had assumed that it really did happen, until Suiren randomly showed up one day with Kuvira in tow (Meifeng did not approve bc of the whole spirit vine thing 😅)
Absolutely reunited with Ming-Hua at some point and it was an extremely emotional moment
Ripped Cadeo a new one when he suddenly appeared looking for his daughter after 45+ years after it became common knowledge that the RL are all alive and no longer wanted by the law
All in all… quite an interesting character that I really should do something with at some point, bc how come Ming-Hua’s family is the only one to get 0 attention in our discussions?? #justiceformeifeng2024
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl meifeng#she doesn’t actually appear in any of my works. let alone sotrl. but she exists in that verse#and it’s the verse in which she plays the most major role so… that’s what her tag is now#anyway#it doesn’t seem that way but she really is a very emotionally conflicting character for me#because she was in the position to get Suiren and Midori away from Haya only four years after they were left with her#which would have left them with 75% less trauma#but she didn’t. coming up with quite a bullshit excuse#yes Midori would have missed the sun and everything but the swamp is still miles better than Haya#meifeng must have seen his skittish Suiren is. how skinny. how bruised#and yet she did nothing. yet another adult whose inaction led to tragedy#ugh. imagine a UtOS-style au where she does take them in and while the biggest obstacle is the trauma#Midori does have an insanely hard time adjusting#she’d probably spend most of her time by the giant tree because the sun gets through there#and maybe one day.. she’d run into one cranky old earthbender#who takes her up as a protege for old times’ sake#(and later hooks her up with her granddaughter– WHO SAID THAT??)#and Suiren would grow up to be a swamp warrior who decides to go after Kuvira when she harvests the spirit vines#I’m a fucking genius#Kat if you’re reading this. look at what fun new branch of the multiverse my brain just spat out!! come yell about it with me!!!#but okay. that is currently besides the point. back to meifeng#you know…#‘oh my art has really stagnated I feel like I haven’t improved in years’#BITCH THIS YOU?? look at the OG version and look at this and TELL ME you haven’t improved#my self hatred may be intense but even I can admit that I’ve gotten much better at drawing. in the character design department at least
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gxtzeizm · 4 months ago
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#it's quite a while that i do a really long rant here#but i really need to get all the shit out from my mind and clear everything inside my brain#and yeah it's actually related with yesterday's race actually#i mean we all always saying that never let sports ruin or dictate our own emotions and other phrases that related with this#but in a serious matter it really really exhausted my mind and honestly yesterday is the peak of it#and the fact is before the race start i was feeling so happy that srg wins mpl malaysia for 2nd time#and i say to myself that whatever happens during the race i should be happy that my fav esports team wins another title this year#but yeah....the race happens and it all just chaos...i mean not that usual chaos but i feel it's even worse#especially after the race#like seriously i should have stay away from any social medias for a while today#because i know how awful the vibes and environment there (and here as well tbh)#but yeah 🥲🥲🥲#like i really expecting that f1 is the only sports out of other sports that i'm getting into with#that i really feel mentally drained and doesn't makes me feel any joy by enjoying it at some point#but yesterday...that's the peak of it#i'm just getting more and more tired of the whole thing happens in f1#and the real life 'job' (more like uni life) doesn't even help me brighten up my mood either#where during app development my group is having a really though situation to going back from the start#in which we had some conflicting on some of the solutions are as same as other one group#and forreal all my groupmates were just fed up thinking about how to came up with new ideas#so yeah it's just this past few hours are just mentally emotionally physically drained out#like i really need to take a break for a while but idk i'm sure#i'll starting to get more and more tasks and assignment for the next few days *sigh*#nahhhhhh i know it's really long rant but i just want to be in a good headspace rn
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russell-crowe · 2 years ago
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RUSSELL CROWE in texas: 30 odd foot of grunts (2002)
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cup-o-stars · 5 months ago
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Relativity Falls!
Design Concepts (and my unnecessary thoughts):
Excuse the the colors, ig my apps are fighting.
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I see Mabel finding success no matter what happens to her, but I really like the thought of her running an insane arts and crafts business in GF. Alternatively, if she fell in the portal, she'd come out acting confident as always, but she probably wouldn't realize how much the constant change and lack of family/stability wore her out until she settled back in. In either case, she's a bit cracked.
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Dipper is investigative, but cracks easiest under stress and is not as inherently adventurous as Mabel or Ford- so the portal wouldn't treat him well. If he's not the one in the portal, he'd be into stargazing and real magic to share with people, while also warding tourists away from the dangerous stuff. In general, he'd be an unhappy adult if left to his own devices, lol.
Between Dipper and Mabel, I like Dipper being in the portal more. He's a great protagonist, but as a supporting cast member, he needs to be more insane to match the draw that is 'Mabel taking care of children,' ha. I also love the idea of there being no portal / some other looming threat for these two to struggle with (at least because Hirsche has made it clear that Dipper and Mabel are equally smart, and to me it seems like the portal would reopen way quicker with them), but I didn't plan on posting these and I don't know how my followers feel about me posting lore.
Stanford and Stanley:
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Pretty much how they are in canon, but now they're in a setting where they can get over themselves, ha. They aren't quite as mature as Dipper and Mabel were at their age, but after coming to GF, they finally found other people to look out for them. Dipper could be a more emotionally available and level-headed role model (I think having people to take care of is calming for him in turn), and they'd both look up to Mabel as the peak of somebody who knows how to socialize.
Fiddleford:
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He's a sweet, southern, farm-raised mechanical engineer just like in canon.
Idk why Fiddleford is in GF (visiting an unnamed grandparent?), but I really like his relationship with Ford in the journal. Following that thought, in this AU, he starts out more of Ford's friend than Stan's, and it's kind of a big deal. Unlike Dipper's arc on learning to be a kid, Stan and Ford clearly struggled a lot with interpersonal relationships / finding security outside of eachother, and that's what I think this AU could be about (it's great they realized they need each other in canon, but the part where they had no one else to turn to is also kinda crazy if you ask me).
Ford gets to meet another smart kid in a weird town, which helps him feel more normal. He has a better idea of what friendship is because of it, but also, since I can't imagine Dipper wanting an apprentice so young/vulnerable/impressionable or Mabel asking only one of the twins to stay- he'd have to come to terms with the fact that he can't live in his dream world forever. (Or maybe the apprenticeship comes from somewhere else, just because the conflict around going back to Glass Shard Beach at all, or sending Stan alone could be pretty good.)
On the flipside, I think Stan's initial jealousy of Ford and Fiddleford's friendship would force him to try finding his own friends / hobbies. I like the idea that he fails at first- and a lot- but Mabel notices his mounting frustration (which he is very keen on hiding), and her consistent and unorthodox support makes him realize he wasn't alone to begin with. He can be more open around her, which makes it easier to open up to others, and then he can make friends without having to pull any tricks. He probably starts with some animals, and then at least gets closer to Fiddleford anyways (I feel like they're both more practical than Ford and value human company more, so they'd bond easier once Stan gets over his personal hurdle).
Anyways- because that was way too much- Mabel's exes are a constant source of antagonists and Dipper is stressed about setting a good example.
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(I was more of a Monster Falls fan back in the day, but I can't draw animals, lol)
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novy2sirius · 9 months ago
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THE MOON DEGREES
based on numerology
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₊˚⊹ MOON AT 1°/10°/19°/28° ₊˚⊹
People with their moon at these degrees are more likely to have impulsive emotional instincts. They may have been raised in a home where they weren’t listened to or heard and had to raise their voice or be aggressive to get their parents to listen to them which in turn has caused them to not be able to control their emotions well or handle arguments well. These people may come off as intimidating to others but deep down they’re just emotionally wounded from their childhood. The positive to these degrees is that you have strong manifestation abilities (especially 19°) and are capable of manifesting your desires into the physical reality. This is also considered a beauty indication as the moon can be associated with the face and 1 one of the numbers of beauty in numerology which all these numbers reduce to. These people are also ride or die for the people they care about and will never be afraid to stand up for their loved ones. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they must work hard for the things they want and be ambitious
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 2° ₊˚⊹
People with their moon at this degree are typically very peaceful and kind souls. They’re well liked by a lot of people and don’t prefer to burn bridges with people or create drama. They avoid conflict at all costs as it causes them a lot of anxiety and they don’t like hurting others. These people may amazing writers/authors as well as actors. They also tend to have a very admirable feminine beauty. The only downside to this moon degree is sometimes people with it can be a bit gossipy. If people with this moon degree want to create stability in life they must not get into too much conflict or gossip a lot
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 3°/12°/21° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees are not afraid to tell everyone how they’re feeling emotionally. They are great at communicating how they feel, however sometimes if they don’t learn to control it this can be a negative thing. Sometimes they share too much about their negative emotions towards other people and gossip a lot which can cause conflict in their life. These people tend to have very childlike energy which sometimes can manifest in a good way if they’re at a higher vibration and just make them fun to be around, but other times if they’re at a lower vibration in life, manifest as them being childish or immature. The positive thing about these moon degrees is they always know how to make people laugh and cheer them up. They’re also good at speaking up for things they have strong emotions towards. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they must learn to maturely communicate their emotions rather than immaturely do so
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 4°/13°/22° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees are very hard workers when it comes to things they care about and have emotional desire for. They may have had a challenging childhood and had to work really hard early in life. At times they can be aggressive or struggle with anger issues as well. The positive to people with these moon degrees is that they can become extremely wealthy through hard work. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they must surround themselves with others who have their life put together but also make sure they’re mentally and physically well on their own without the help from others. They should also try not to intimidate others in a negative way
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 5°/14°/23° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees tend to be very good looking as they all reduce to 5 and 5 is the number of societal beauty in numerology. They are quite sexual but not just with anyone. They must have an emotional connection with you to desire you sexually but when they do have that strong emotional connection and care toward you they are extremely sexual people. Be careful though if you do have these degrees because you can get pregnant more easily and unexpectedly than others. The challenging part of these degrees in your moon is that you may move on fast romantically and not be able to settle for one person easily. These people are also very entertaining people and could do really well in the entertainment industry. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in their life they must travel when they’re down and never surround themselves with people who restrict them in life. They need lots of freedom to be happy/stable
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 6°/15°/24° ₊˚⊹ - tw: weight
People with these moon degrees are very family oriented even if they happened to have a rough upbringing they still have unconditional love for their family that’s hard to let go of. These people are amazing friends and really good parents. They have an extremely nurturing aura and caring nature that makes others very comfortable around them. The only challenges that may come with these degrees are emotional pain involving weight, stubbornness, or just laziness at times. These people tend to be homebody’s and usually just enjoy chillin at home with their pets (if they have any). If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they must be responsible and surround themselves with people who appreciate them. These degrees can also be a beauty indication since 6 in numerology is ruled by venus
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 7°/16°/25° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees may have lots of struggles in their relationships with their family and unfortunately often take the bad habits they learn from their parents into their romantic relationships. They sometimes can struggle with living in the past as well. They usually don’t want to have their own children and probably shouldn’t even if they do (other than 16°). They naturally do well emotionally spending majority of their time alone and focusing on themselves. On a more positive note though they’re extremely intelligent and analyze others quickly. These people tend to be very spiritually connected as well and may even be psychic. They tend to be more on the introverted side. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they should let go of the past, pay close attention to their intuition, and stop gambling with things they shouldn’t
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 8°/17°/26° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees live a very karmic life. More karmic than most. Any time they hurt someone without reason of defense they will receive karma back very quickly emotionally. The same also happens when others hurt them. They will receive lots of emotional karma fast. These people can live a great life or horrible one depending on how they choose to treat people. They should kill people with kindness for the most part though. These people can be very materialistic and care a lot of materialistic things. They tend to have very good judgment and are easily able to tell if someone is a good person or not or if they’re in a challenging situation or not. They at worst can be vengeful, greedy, controlling, or abuse their power at times. On a more positive note though they make great business men/women/etc and are very powerful people. They tend to be poor when young but as an adult become wealthy. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they should stop taking advantage of people and never be abusive or cruel toward others
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 0°/9°/18°/27° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees adapt super quickly to their surroundings/who they surround themselves with. If they hang out with losers they will become a loser. If they hang out with successful people they will become successful. These people are either the best people you’ll ever meet or the worst. There’s never an in between. They hold the power to whether they’ll have a good life or not. At worst they could struggle with addiction, be too much of a follower (in a negative way), be violent, lie a lot, or be hurt others because of their ego. They also tend to be the black sheep of their family. On a more positive note though these people are very intelligent and extremely powerful manifestors. They are very good at art because they often can use their emotions toward it with success. They’re extremely good looking if they don’t have lots of negative karma. They also tend to be good at acting because they’re good at pretending to be someone they’re not. If people with these moon degrees want to create stability in life they must surround themselves with people that have what they want and never try to scam others
₊˚⊹ MOON AT 11°/20°/29° ₊˚⊹
People with these moon degrees are extremely spritual souls. They often have dreams that will tell them things about the future. They are the most likely to be psychic out of all the other degrees as well. At worst they can be overly sensitive or violent due to emotions. On a positive note though they tend to be very charming and kind people, old souls, and they often make good athletes. If these people want to create stability in their life they need to learn to control their emotions more
₊˚⊹ BONUS MOON DEGREE NOTES ₊˚⊹
— The moon at 25° or 29° can indicate being seen as extremely beautiful to a lot of people
— The moon at 27° can make someone extremely spirtual and intelligent. The downside is they could struggle with things like addiction or romance
— The moon at 5°/14°/15°/23°/25° can grant good physical health or mean you care a lot about your health
— The moon at 24° can also grant wealth
— The moon at 23° can sometimes indicate being unfaithful to your partners
— 18°/28° live a more karmic life than 8°/17°/26° people
as always please do not copy my work and remember that your entire chart matters. this is about isolated placements alone
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honey-bitch · 17 days ago
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୨⎯ Chiron in the Houses ⎯୧ In mythology, Chiron was a wise centaur and healer, unfortunately he was unable to heal his own incurable wound, thus becoming a symbol of the "wounded healer.."By understanding your Chiron placement you can understand how to heal yourself and what triggers you and like chiron you can heal others.
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1st House - This is a deeply personal placement. Your wound might be about your sense of self, like you're just not quite comfortable being you. Maybe you wrestle with self-confidence, or you feel like you're always trying to be someone you're not. Healing here isn't about suddenly becoming a flawless, confident superstar. It's more about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and learning to be okay with who you are, even the parts you don't love. And that self-acceptance can be incredibly powerful for others to witness.
2nd House - This is about self-worth, what you value, and feeling secure. Maybe you've had money worries, or you feel like you don't deserve good things. Healing here isn't about becoming a millionaire or suddenly loving every single thing about yourself. It's about understanding that your worth isn't tied to your bank account or your possessions. It's about finding a sense of security within yourself, and learning to value what truly matters to you. And that can be a powerful lesson to share with others.
3rd House - Communication can be a real struggle with Chiron here. Perhaps you might have felt like no one listened to you growing up, or you have trouble expressing yourself. Healing isn't about becoming a perfect orator. It's about learning to communicate more effectively, even if it's still sometimes awkward. It's about finding your voice and learning to express your thoughts and feelings, even when it's scary. And that can give courage to others who are struggling to be heard.
4th House - This often has to do with family, your roots, and feeling emotionally safe. Maybe you had a difficult childhood, or you struggle with trusting your own feelings. Healing isn't about having a perfect family or never feeling emotional pain. It's about learning to cope with the past, understanding your emotional needs, and creating a sense of safety within yourself, even if your external circumstances aren't ideal. And that resilience can be a real inspiration to others.
5th House - This is about creativity, joy, and feeling seen. Maybe you've felt like your talents weren't appreciated, or you're afraid to really put yourself out there. Healing isn't about becoming a famous artist. It's about finding joy in expressing yourself, even in small ways. It's about allowing yourself to be playful and creative, even if you're not "good" at it. And that can encourage others to embrace their own creativity.
6th House - Here, the wounds can be about health, daily routines, and feeling useful. Maybe you've struggled with health issues, or you feel overwhelmed by daily life.You could be particularly sensitive to people making comments about you hygiene or cleanliness or this could even indicate having some health problems unfortunately. Healing isn't about achieving perfect health or having a perfectly organized life. It's about finding balance and developing coping mechanisms that work for you. It's about learning to manage your health and your responsibilities in a way that's sustainable, even if it's not always easy. And that practical approach to well-being can be helpful for others.
7th House - This is the house of relationships. Maybe you've had some tough experiences with partners, or you struggle with setting boundaries. Healing isn't about finding the perfect partner or never having conflict.Having chiron here doesn't mean that you'll never find love, but there could be misunderstandings and barriers that prevent you from trusting others and conflicts in one to one relationships may emerge. It's about learning to build healthy relationships, even when they're messy. It's about understanding your own needs and learning to communicate them effectively. And that can be a valuable lesson for others.
8th House - This is a deep one, dealing with intimacy, vulnerability, and transformation. Maybe you've been hurt in the past, and it's hard to trust or be emotionally close. Healing here isn't about becoming completely fearless and open with everyone. It's about learning to navigate intimacy and vulnerability in a way that feels safe for you. It's about understanding your own emotional depths and learning to cope with difficult emotions. And that self-awareness can be incredibly helpful to others.
9th House - This is about beliefs, purpose, and the bigger picture. Maybe you've questioned your values or felt lost in life. Healing isn't about finding all the answers or having unwavering faith. It's about exploring your beliefs and finding what resonates with you, even if it changes over time. It's about learning to live with uncertainty and finding meaning in your own way. And that open-minded approach can be inspiring to others. 10th House - This is about career, ambition, and how you're seen in the world. Maybe you've felt pressure to succeed, or you struggle with authority. Healing isn't about becoming Girlboss or never having doubts about your career path. It's about finding a sense of purpose in your work, whatever that looks like. It's about learning to balance your ambitions with your own well-being. And that can be a powerful example for others.
11th House - This is about community, belonging, and your friends. Maybe you've felt like you don't fit in, or you struggle with finding your tribe. Healing isn't about becoming the most popular person in the room. It's about finding your people, even if it's a small group. It's about learning to embrace your individuality and connect with others who appreciate you for who you are. And that can give others the courage to be themselves.
12th House - This is a very personal and often hidden place. It's about spirituality, empathy, and your inner world. Maybe you're super sensitive and have trouble with boundaries. Healing isn't about becoming a guru or never feeling overwhelmed. It's about learning to manage your sensitivity and protect your own energy. It's about connecting with your inner self and finding peace in solitude. And that self-awareness can be a source of strength for others.
©️ 2024 honey-bitch All Rights Reserved DISCLAIMER: this post is a great generalisation and may not resonate with you. I would recommend buying a reading from a professional astrologer (or me) to get more insight
Dm for Paid Readings
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estrellogy · 9 months ago
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Astro Notes Pt. 2
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- IN DEFENSE OF LIBRAS. I often hear people say that Libras are pick-mes, but that’s only the underdeveloped ones. I think Libras do get along with the opposite sex really well. The mature ones genuinely connect with the other side because they’re a good balance of both masculine and feminine energies.
- However, I do see SOME Libra men take advantage of this ability and be quite promiscuous. Libra SUN in particular since it comes so naturally to them. Libra Venus men, on the other side, prefer to be monogamous and just pour all their romantic energy into one person. If they have grounding placements like Venus/Saturn positive aspects or earth placements, they’re definitely the type to look for THE ONE™️
- Scorpio and Capricorn placements humor is so under appreciated. People often see these placements as intense alpha males who never show emotions like they’re just 😐. Mfs have perfected dry humor and comedic timing.
- Aries Sun have an easier time maturing than Aries Moon. Since the Moon is such a primal and sensitive place for Aries to be in, the impulsive side of Aries is amplified. Meanwhile, Aries Suns can channel its aggressive fire energy more consciously.
- Leo Suns with 12th house moons can create a lot of internal conflicts. The natural inclination to shine versus the need to completely hide your nature and be intensely introspective.
- Mars in 6th house people really benefit from incorporating exercise into your routine. Everyone does, but Mars in 6th house people in particular can accumulate a lot of stress and tensions so they need to move their bodies often to avoid burn out (speaking from personal experience 😭)
- Scorpio placements are lusted after, but CANCER placements are often desired both physically and emotionally. People want to have a taste of Scorpio placements but often become overwhelmed by their intense nature. Cancers, on the other hand, seem more gentle even though they’re equally insane intense. That’s why Scorpio is often associated with seductresses/siren archetype while Cancer is the “wife”/divine feminine.
- Again, Cancer placements are underrated because the moon energy seems more familiar compared to the mysterious and ethereal nature of outer planets like Neptune and Pluto. But the moon quite literally controls water and has the most direct impact (night vs day) on the actual functions of Earth. Plus, the moon is also a symbol of mystique, beauty, and literally the ‘dark side of the moon’ as a metaphor for human psyche. I can do a whole post about why Cancer placements are really the beauty indicator/archetype in astrology if you guys want 😭
Thank you for reading! Let me know if you guys enjoy these notes and I’ll do more 🤍
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harmoonix · 5 months ago
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🪄Dark Hour🖤
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- Astrology Observations -
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Having Venus in your 4th house can make you automatically to attract people with traditional values even if are not traditional yourself
Libra Risings can have it hard in relationship since their 7th house is ruled by Mars (Aries) which rules over war and conflicts
Cancer Placements can turn out to be manipulative if you do them wrong or if they simply just wake up and say 'lets be toxic today' and im not talking about all cancer placement natives
The dark side of a Venus in the 12th/Pisces Venus is that they tend to idolize their relationships/partners a lot, making a lot of scenarios in their head
Virgo or Cancer Venus may have a 'savior' complex in their love relationship, like trying to save themselves or trying to find someone who can save them
6th house Sun or Moon may have lots of encounters with animals, is like animals feel some kind of "calling' from you
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Gemini/Leo/Taurus/ Venus may like to cosplay/playing the role of a character matches a lot with their personality
If you have unevolved Virgo Placements, you may hate when people disagree with you or when ppl come witn a counter-argument for you
Mars in the 8th house can get crazy if they don't get physical touch. Some might crave it and not have it 100% all the time
Moon in the 10th house feels like everyone is watching every single emotion of yours and may react to your sensitivity. You may get called 'over sensitive'
Moon in the 8th/12th house can struggle to talk about their feelings if they are surrounded by people with a toxic energy
Scorpio Moons can also struggle with 'feeling love' especially if they never experienced that properly. Don't press them to show their love for you early in a relationship let them feel safe first
Leo Chiron is a placement where they may nedd attention from others but not that type of "spotlight attention" rather just to be seen and understood by others
The dark side of Taurus Placements is that they tend to be very greedy and I talk here about their finances and money, of course if they are unevolved
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Uranus in your 10H can make you change/switch your job more than once or twice, and can indicate having a confusing time with choosing the right job
Moon in your 2H can talk about 'working with love' and putting your heart into everything you do. You get rewards for your kindness
Unevolved 10th house placements can turn really materialistic if they have the chance, looking only for money and that's it
Capricorns are used to expect the worse in some situations since they have been thru multiple such situations in their lives
Uranus in Aquarius generation can be attached to technology 24/7. In love with technology, their phones are their world
Gemini and Virgo Moons are the first indicators of someone having anxiety/stress/panic attacks/overthinking
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Pisces Placements but mostly Pisces Suns/Risings can use escapism a lot, trying to create their own reality in their head rather than living in the actual one
Scorpio Venus/Mars natives, some of their hidden fears can be betrayal/getting cheating on. This can possibly be one of the reasons why they can attach fast to people
Saturn/Pluto/Moon in the 8th/12th houses the planets become more dark in these houses, getting
Cardi B has a crazy chart because she has BOTH Jupiter and POF in the 7th house and is still still coming to the man who cheated on her??? (Never mind her Venus in the 8th house explaining everything)
A water sign in your 11th house can indicate you can understand people deeply and attach to them emotionally
Earth signs in the 1st house can indicate you tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves, being hard on themselves, criticizing themselves sometimes quite a lot
Mercury - Moon aspects natives can get therapeutic with other people, they like to talk about deep stuff with others and tend to share a lot from their live experiences
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Jupiter in Sagittarius can be a good placement if you want to explore the whole world or just simply travel Jupiter can help you to manifest that
Jupiter - Mercury or Saturn in harsh aspects tend to be close-minded or afraid to open to new things/learning or knowing about them (I'm talking for the aspects generally not the people)
Moon or Venus at 5° or in the 5th house can make you have a baby fever more when you're young, like in your 20s. Wanting to be a young parent (this does not apply to all)
Mars or Neptune in the 11th house tend to attract people easily with their energy/personality. People get interested about you too
North Node aspecting Saturn in harsh aspects is not easy, actually is a very challenging position in your chart
North Node in the 8th or 12th house tends to live intense lives or have intense life situations, even near death situations
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✨️🤍 Hope you all have a good Monday 🤍✨️
Harmoonix ✨️✨️✨️
964 notes · View notes
girlgenius1111 · 10 months ago
Text
hallmarks of sisterhood
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putellas!reader. r mediates a fight between her sisters. they don't realize they're tearing her apart in the process. at least, not until they ruin an important night for her. can they make it up to her? fluff & angst.
-------
Being significantly younger than your sisters, you were the true baby of the family, and were treated as such. You were already a pretty sensitive person, and the overprotective tendencies of the entire family only increased this. You were quite different from both your sisters. Alba was an extrovert, always talking, always laughing, never thinking too hard about anything. Alexia was quieter in public, but always loud at home in an attempt to match Alba’s energy. The competitive gene only seemed to skip you, and you hated conflict. Any type of it. You didn’t like yelling, you didn’t like arguments, and you couldn’t stand when people were mad at you. 
It made sense then, that you’d always been the mitigator between your sisters. They were always fighting growing up, and it took a very small you to break up the fights that the teenage versions of them would get into, often shoving your small body in between theirs and singing a song so loudly they had no choice but to stop arguing. If the singing didn’t work, then you’d cry, and that always worked. 
As you got older, your role changed slightly. You were still the mitigator, but more because you were logical and smart and both of them could normally trust you to be objective. You didn’t really enjoy it, but you hated it more when they weren’t speaking to each other, so you did what you could to resolve their fights easily. 
All of this considered, you were not surprised to catch yourself in an argument between them yet again. This one wasn’t super similar to the others, though, in that it was much more emotionally charged. Both Alexia and Alba seemed angrier at each other than normal, and you didn’t know why. Still, you tried to fix it, as best you could. 
-------
“I cannot believe you, Alba.” Alexia sighed, shaking her head at her other sister. 
“Don’t try to guilt trip me, Ale, this isn’t my fault. I told you before there was a chance I’d have to go to this conference.” Alba shot back.
“You don’t have to go, you are choosing to go. So you can hook up with that coworker you're seeing.” 
Alba flushed red with anger. 
“Let’s calm down, guys,” you began, shifting uncomfortably in your seat in the corner of the sectional. Neither girl paid you any mind. 
“I am going for work, Alexia, I wouldn’t sleep with anyone at a work conference.”
“Oh, yes of course, you’re so above that. You are notorious for not hooking up with people in inappropriate situations Alba, how could I forget. It was only 4 of my teammates you slept with? And how many of my other friends?” 
“You are such a-”
“Stop.” You cut in. “Alexia, that was mean. Alba, she’s just disappointed because she was looking forward to spending time with everyone.” You cut in, trying to cool the rising temperature of the room. 
“No, I am disappointed because we made a commitment to do this for Mami and now she’s backing out. Like always.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Alba scoffed. 
“The last trip to Ibiza. Mother’s day last year. My 25th birthday,” Alexia began to list, counting the events off on her fingers rather condescending. 
“Guys, please calm down.” You attempted. 
“Will you ever get over me missing your 25th birthday? Or are you going to have it engraved on your tombstone? ‘My sister missed my birthday once and I never shut up about it.’” Alba yelled, getting to her feet and walking closer to where Alexia was sitting at the kitchen counter. 
When Alexia rose to meet her, you stood nervously, too, moving a bit closer. “Why don’t we all stay seated?” You tried. 
Both of them continued to ignore you, as if you weren’t even there. “That is not the point, Alba.” 
“No, Ale, the point is that only your career is important. Everyone has to drop everything for football, but what I do doesn’t matter, and I have to bend over backwards to make things work with your insane schedule. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Alexia.”
“Oh my god, Alba. You are such a bitch.” Alexia sighed, rolling her eyes in a way she knew would make the younger girl furious.  
“You are the bitch, Alexia. A selfish, bossy, mean bitch,” Alba yelled, crossing her arms and taking a step closer to the older girl. 
“Alba, I swear to god,” Alexia threw back, the volume of her voice making you flinch. You stepped in between them, forcing them to both back up a bit. 
“Please stop shouting.” You pleaded, looking between them. Both of them turned to you, annoyed.
“Go somewhere else if it’s bothering you, pequeña! Adults argue. Grow up.” Alexia yelled, sending a glare your way. You stopped back, blinking away tears, looking incredibly hurt. Alexia sighed. “Sorry, nena, I didn’t mean-” 
It was too late, though, you were pushing past her towards the door of her house. “No, whatever. I’ll go. Solve your argument by yourselves for once.” You snapped. 
“Nice job, Ale, you made the el bebe cry.” Alba said mockingly. 
“Shut your mouth, Alba. Pequeña, come back,” Alexia called, but the door was already slamming shut behind you. 
You wiped at your eyes furiously, getting into your car. You’d always hated how sensitive you were, how anyone raising their voice at you made you cry. You couldn’t argue, couldn’t disagree without dissolving into tears. Normally, angry tears. You’d always been like this, and your sisters often made fun of it, but were aware of the fact that you hated yelling, and tried to avoid doing so. Even when they were fighting with each other. Today got too out of control, though, both of them taking this specific issue very seriously. 
They’d have to figure it out themselves, this time. You were done with this. They knew how you felt about conflict, and yet they always put you in the middle. It was exhausting and hurtful being caught in between them. They were adults, they could solve this argument. 
You and Eli didn’t live far from Alexia, and you reached home before you were really ready to. You needed to erase all evidence of your tears from your face before heading inside, because Eli could not know about this. You and your sisters did not tell on each other, for one thing. For another, there was a possibility the trip in question could be rescheduled and you didn’t want to ruin the surprise. 
You checked your face in the mirror, took a deep breath, denied Alexia’s phone call, and headed inside, prepared to pretend that nothing was wrong. 
------
You got past your mother with very few questions asked, as she was distracted reading over Alexia’s new Nike contracts. Your sister still had Eli read all her contracts, a habit you and Alba teased her about often. 
Eli did come knocking, though, only a few hours later, while you were in your room getting some homework done. “Nena?” She called from the hallway, not hearing a response to her knock. 
Still, you didn’t say anything, so she pushed the door open, only to find you asleep at your desk, your head resting on a pile of photographs, your computer opened up to photoshop. A black and white photo of your sister at training was pulled up, and Eli quickly averted her eyes, knowing very well she wasn’t supposed to see this particular assignment until you were done.
“Mija,” Eli said, covering her eyes as she heard you stir. “Go to bed, it’s late, and you are exhausted.” 
“Do not look, Mami!” You cried, sitting up completely and quickly flipping everything over and shutting your computer. 
“I’m not!” Eli replied, laughing at how secretive you were about these photos. 
“Okay, everything is away.” You said, standing to give your mother a hug before getting into bed. She squeezed you tight, as she always did, kissing your cheek before letting go. 
“Goodnight,” she said, giving you a kind smile. 
“Goodnight mami,” you replied, knowing she was smiling because she knew you were about to get back on your computer as soon as she left the room. 
“Oh, do you know why your sister’s are fighting? I texted the groupchat with them, and they both replied to me separately.” Eli asked with an eye roll, quite used to your sisters’ antics. 
“Something dumb, probably.” You said with an unconvincing laugh. Your mother gave you a weird look, like she didn't believe you, but didn’t push it. 
As soon as she was out of the room, you were, in fact, back on your computer, finishing up the final touches on a photo of Alexia. You were really too excited to be preoccupied with your sisters at the moment. You were in school studying photography, and after a recent exhibition at your school, a gallery in Barcelona had reached out and asked you to shoot a series for them to display. They’d given you full creative control, which was an insane amount of trust to put into a 20 year old, and you were determined not to mess it up. 
If that meant staying up late making sure every photo was perfect in the next couple days, so be it. You were proud of this work, and that wasn’t really a common feeling for you. You’d grown up in the shadow of your two sisters. Alexia was the best female footballer in the world, and Alba was… Alba. Everyone loved her. Nothing you ever did seemed to really make anyone pay attention, except for your Mami. Eli had always been careful to celebrate your and Alba’s accomplishments, like she celebrated Alexia’s, even if they weren’t of the same magnitude. Your sisters were a bit better than the rest of your family and friends, paying attention to what you did, but it always felt a bit like your mother was making them do so. 
This was your chance to do something impressive of your own. Something that everyone could understand, everyone could be impressed by. It was an opportunity you were not about to waste. You didn’t realize the potential that other people had, though, to ruin it for you. 
------
The next few days were busy. When you weren’t working on your photos, making sure they were perfectly edited and printed properly, you were worrying about what people would think about them. Or you were trying to pick the perfect outfit for Saturday evening, the opening of the gallery. There wasn’t a ton of time for you to respond to Alexia’s repetitive apologies, or to Alba’s pleading for you to be on her side. It was annoying, really, that during such an important and stressful week, they couldn’t leave you out of their argument. 
You finally had enough on Friday, pulling up the groupchat with both of them in it, and sending a rather harsh message. It wasn’t like you to be harsh and snap at them, and you were hoping they would get the message that they’d upset you, and you wanted to be left out of this. 
If one of you texts me one more time about this idiotic fight, I am going to tell Mami that it was you two who dented her car, not the neighbor backing into it. I am so tired of being pulled into the middle of this. Both of you apologize to each other for being mean, and get over it. 
You hoped that would be the end of it. When your phone buzzed a few minutes later, though, you knew that had been a naive hope. 
Alexia had responded first. 
It should not be hard to pick a side when I am right, nena.
Alba responded after that. 
You always let Alexia get away with things you’d yell at me about. You can both apologize to me when you are ready.
You weren’t really sure how Alba had decided that you’d sided with Alexia, but you certainly were not going to be apologizing to her anytime soon. You left them both on read, figuring they’d make up before the gallery opening tomorrow night.
-------
You were up pretty much the entire night before the gallery. This time, not because anything needed to get done, but because you were nervous. You were thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong. By the time morning rolled around, you slept for maybe a couple hours, and created a decisive list of every bad thing that could happen today. 
You actually hadn’t thought of everything, but you wouldn’t know that until later. 
You’d passed out just as the sun had started to rise, and Eli came in to wake you up only a few hours later. 
“Nena, despierta,” she said softly, setting down a mug of coffee on your nightstand and shaking your shoulder. 
You bolted upright in bed, and looked around frantically, startling your mother. “Am I late?!” You gasped, moving to get out of your bed as fast as possible. 
“No, no, you aren’t late. It is only 11. Relax, mija, everything is okay.” Eli soothed, gently pushing you back down onto the bed. 
You let out a relieved sigh, rubbing at your face with your hands. “Sorry.” 
“Did you sleep at all?” Eli asked with a disapproving look. 
“Not much. I tried, I swear, I just couldn’t turn my brain off.” 
Your mother patted your cheek reassuringly. “You’re almost done, nena. It’s all going to go perfectly.” 
You nodded, trying to believe her words. You just had this weird, nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong. There wasn’t time to focus  on this feeling, though, no matter how much you wanted to. There was simply too much to be done. Accepting the hug your mother offered, you got up, ready to prepare yourself for the long day ahead.
-------
You didn’t really think anything of it when you didn’t see either of your sisters right away. You were busy greeting other people, family and friends. Some of Alexia’s teammates had made it, and you spent some time taking in the awestruck expression on Mapi’s face when she saw the singular photo of her included. 
That was the best part of the whole thing, you decided. Getting to see everyone’s reactions to seeing themselves up on the wall. 
The theme was people you loved, in their happy place. The project was joyful and fun, radiating happiness. Looking at the photos made you smile, and you were glad to see that everyone seemed to have the same reaction as they took their time looking at each image. 
You had Mapi giggling at something Ingrid had said, a candid taken after a Barça game. Ingrid was smiling back at her, like making her girlfriend laugh was the only thing she wanted to do for the rest of her life. 
You had your Mami, sitting in the stands of one of Alexia’s games, looking on with pride all over her face. You had her pinching Alba’s cheek, a fond smile on her face as your sister said something that was, no doubt, ridiculous. 
You had your aunts and your uncles around the dinner table, all laughing hysterically. 
You had your friends at the beach, all lounging and staring out into the ocean, looking peaceful. 
You had your best friend sitting in the driver's seat of her car, singing along passionately to her favorite song. 
More than anyone else, though, you had your sisters. 
Alexia preparing to take a penalty, determined. Celebrating with her teammates after a goal. Cheekily blowing a kiss to Olga in the stands. Smiling proudly at Vicki after an impressive goal. Proudly wearing the captain’s armband in front of a completely sold out stadium. Leaned against Olga on the couch after a movie night, out cold. She was completely peaceful, with Olga looking down at her adoringly. 
You had Alba at the school where she taught. Candids of her face, when one of her students got the answer right, or made her laugh. With her dog, holding him up at the aquarium, eye level with one of the dolphins. You had her watching Alexia play, too, a grin on her face that you were sure she was unaware of. Your favorite of Alba was a photo you’d taken in your Mami’s kitchen, while she’d been baking. Alba was sneaking a taste of the cake batter, and you’d captured her mid-wink, giving the camera a smile while Eli’s back was turned to her. 
They hadn’t seen any of these photos; you’d almost gone crazy not showing them, and not giving in to them when they begged to see.
 You’d finally managed to break away from a crowd of your friends, having a moment to yourself, when you realized that you still hadn’t seen your sisters yet. Ale’s teammates were here. Some of Alba’s friends were here. The whole family was here. You checked your watch, a frown on your face, seeing that they were both already over a half hour late, which was unlike both of them. It was only when you saw Olga looking up at one of the photos she was pictured in, all by herself, that you really got a sinking feeling in your stomach. She was talking to Irene when you walked over and interrupted, gently pulling Olga away from the conversation. 
“Where is Ale? Is she coming late?” You asked, confused by the sad look on Olga’s face. 
“No, nena, I’m sorry. She didn’t want to see Alba, so she decided not to come. I tried to convince her to, but she didn’t listen.” Olga said delicately. You looked like you’d been hit across the face, honestly, and Olga wanted nothing more than to march home and drag Alexia over here, but she knew better to try to convince the blonde to do something she had decided she wouldn’t. “She said she texted you?” 
You pulled your phone out, taking a deep breath when you saw almost identical texts from both of your sisters. 
Can’t make it tonight. I’ll come see it another time. Good luck! 
Sorry, hermanita, I can’t come tonight. Love you.
You had been so excited for them to see their pictures. There was a little note up on the wall, too, a statement thanking everyone for coming. In it, you mentioned being excited to allow your sisters to finally see the photos, as they’d been begging to for a while now. And they hadn’t come. 
A wave of embarrassment washed over you, your cheeks flushing red. You were angry, too, but you blinked your tears back, looking up at Olga and trying to look more put together than you felt. 
“No Alba either.” You said, your voice cracking slightly. 
“Oh, nena, I am so sorry.” Olga whispered, pulling you into a tight hug. It was too soft, and too comforting. You pulled away rapidly, shaking your head. 
“It’s fine. I don’t care.” You said, cutting the brunette off before she could say anything else. “I have to go talk to someone, thank you for coming, Olga.” 
You rushed away from your sister’s girlfriend, focusing on taking deep breaths. You couldn’t be sad, not right now. So many people had come here to celebrate you and your work, and you weren’t going to ruin it. You could be upset later. It was almost excruciating, pretending that you weren’t upset that your sisters hadn't come, but you managed it. You kept up a pretty good façade for the rest of the evening, even when you saw Olga speaking in hushed voices to Irene and Mapi, even when everyone kept asking where Ale and Alba were. You held it together. Because you, unlike them, could pretend that nothing was wrong for the sake of others. 
-------
Your mother knew you better than anyone. You should have been thrilled, ecstatic. Everything had gone so well. Your photos had been a hit, the owners of the gallery had been thrilled. She realized neither of her other daughters had shown up, but she assumed they had talked that through with you. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with you, but when you declined going out with some of your friends as the night came to an end, Eli knew something wasn’t right. 
She had every intention of letting you come to her, but you weren’t talking. As everyone began to file out of the gallery, saying their final goodbyes, Eli overheard you tell your friends you were going to go home because you were tired. You didn't say a single word to her aside from telling her that you’d see her at home, before you practically fled the building, heading for your car. She didn’t couldn’t imagine what was wrong, never expecting her daughters to have done what they did. Eli didn’t even think of them being a possible reason as to why you were upset. Mapi pulled her aside, though, before she could go after you, an infuriated look on her face. 
“Do you know what your daughters have done?” She asked quietly. 
Eli frowned. “No. What have they done?” 
Mapi shook her head. “They both bailed on tonight over text to pequeña. They are in some stupid fight that they’ve put her in the middle of, and they didn’t want to see each other, so they didn’t come.” 
Suddenly, Eli was quite furious at her eldest daughters. There would be hell to pay, she’d make sure of it. How could they be so selfish, and ruin your night like this? You’d been almost beside yourself for weeks about this night, and she knew the people you wanted to impress most were your sisters. And they hadn’t come. Before she yelled at them, though, she needed to go home to you, because she was very sure that you weren’t okay. Your odd behavior made sense, now, and Eli’s heart ached at the thought of you driving all by yourself while you were so upset. 
“I will deal with them.” Eli said quietly. “Thank you for telling me, María, and for coming. It meant a lot to her.” 
Mapi smiled sympathetically. “Of course. Let me know if you need help kicking some Putellas ass.” 
Eli chuckled. “I will.” 
She set off to her car after that, ignoring Alexia’s numerous phone calls. Likely, Olga had arrived home and laid into her for not coming, and Alexia was looking to be let off the hook from her Mami that she hadn’t messed up that badly. Eli wouldn’t be doing that. 
-------
You didn’t make it far into the house. In your new dress, one that was reminiscent of the dress Alexia had worn to win her first balon d’or, you’d collapsed onto the couch, harsh sobs ripping their way out of your chest. You cried until your makeup ran and your chest hurt. Until your Mami arrived home, rushing through the door, her heart breaking when she saw the state you were in. Eli was by your side instantly, pulling you into her arms. It was rare that a hug from your mother didn’t make you feel better, but this was the case today. You weren’t really sure that anything would help, but you still buried yourself into your Mami’s arms, wishing more than anything that she could fix this for you. 
“They didn’t come, Mami,” you sobbed. 
“I know, mija, I am so sorry.” 
“Am I not more important than their stupid fight?” You asked, looking up at your mother with a devastated expression on your face. “I was so excited for them to see, I just wanted them to be proud of me.” 
Eli felt anger fill her at a level she’d never quite felt before. “I am proud of you, cariño, so proud of you. It’s all going to be okay, I promise. Everything is going to be fine.” She soothed, running her hand through your hair, shushing you softly. Her fury would have to wait, until you stopped crying. Eli would always put you first when you needed it, even if your sisters didn’t. 
-------
It was late by the time you’d stopped crying and headed up to bed. With a soft goodnight to your Mami, you’d slumped upstairs, barely changing into your pajamas before you collapsed into your bed, absolutely exhausted. Being disappointed was tiring, apparently. And you were more disappointed than you’d ever been in your life. 
Downstairs, Eli waited until she heard your door shut before she pulled her phone out, returning one of the 15 missed calls from her eldest daughter. Alexia picked up quickly, her voice dripping with guilt.
“Mami, I-”
“No. Do not try to explain yourself. You and Alba have done a terrible thing, Alexia. I am not sure how you will make it up to your sister, but you will. You will figure out how to fix it, you will apologize, you will mean it.” 
“Sí, Mami.” Alexia said, her voice small like when she used to get scolded for kicking the football in the house or holding the tv remote high out of her sisters’ reach. 
“I am so disappointed, Alexia. In you and Alba both.”
“I know, Mami.” Alexia replied, blinking hard to fight off her tears. “I’ll fix it, Al and I will fix it.” 
“You will. Goodnight, Alexia. I love you.” Eli was furious, but she’d always say it, always make sure her daughters knew how loved they were. 
“I love you too Mami,” the blonde choked out, feeling worse about this than she’d ever felt about anything in her entire life. 
Eli called Alba next, who was significantly more clueless about the situation. Neither had known the other wasn’t going, but it was beyond your mother how either of her daughters could have underestimated how important to you this night was. Alba was in tears, like Alexia, by the end of the call, also promising her mother she’d fix it. 
Eli knew the level of guilt Alexia and Alba must have been feeling at the moment, considering how protective they were of you. They never wanted you to be hurt, but you were. And they were the reason why. As she checked on you, ensuring you were asleep, she knew that her older daughters would go to the ends of the earth to make this up to you. 
--------
Alba was sitting on her couch, willing herself to be the bigger person and pick up the phone to call Alexia, when she heard a knock at the door. The brunette knew who was there before she pulled it open, not flinching when her older sister was standing on her front porch. 
Alexia had a drink carrier in one hand, and two bags in the other, giving Alba an unreadable look. “Can I come in?” 
Alba nodded, stepping aside to let her sister in. The blonde headed for the living room, setting the coffees down, and grabbing hers out of the holder. Alba grabbed the other, noting that it was her favorite coffee, and her favorite breakfast pastry, from her favorite bakery. A bakery Alexia didn’t particularly like, but had clearly stopped at just for Alba. 
It was a peace offering. One that Alba took, grabbing the coffee and the pastry, sitting on the couch next to her sister in a much less tense silence. They made up in the way only sister’s could, with no words necessary for either of them to know that the other was sorry for what had been said. 
“We fucked up.” Alexia said after a minute, glancing at her sister. 
“We really did.” Alba replied. 
“We have to fix it.” Alexia declared. 
“We really do.” Alba agreed. 
“Are you going to keep agreeing with me, or are you going to come up with a solution here?” 
“As the one who started the fight that led to us letting our sister down, I think it should be you who solves the problem, Alexia.” Alba retorted, a smirk on her face. 
Her sister shook her head, shoving the brunette’s shoulder lightly. “You are supposed to be the smart one, hermana. Get thinking.” 
“New car?” 
“New house?”
“Can we buy her a country?”
They broke into laughter, the tension completely gone from the room, before they really got brainstorming. They were a good team when they weren’t fighting, and it wasn’t long before they’d come up with something that they hoped would make up for their horrible behavior. 
-------
The minute you saw Alexia’s car pull into the driveway from your spot on the couch, you were standing up, prepared to flee the room. You’d known this would happen at some point today, but you weren’t ready to see them. You felt so humiliated and so neglected, you were sure that seeing them would have you in tears, and you didn’t really want to show that emotion in front of them. Not now, not when they were the reason you were so upset. 
You knew how important family was to your mother, though, and you knew that if she told you to stay and talk to them, you would. Looking at her cautiously, you took in the wary expression on her face. 
“Do you want to hear them out, mija?” Eli asked gently. 
“No. I don’t want to see them right now. Please don’t make me.” You begged. 
“I won’t make you do anything. Go upstairs, I’ll tell you when they’re gone.” Eli sighed, and with her permission, you practically sprinted up the stairs to your room, closing and locking the door behind you. 
Your older sisters walked through the doors to the house like they were afraid of what awaited them inside, and it seems that they should have been. Eli stood from her chair, walking over to them, looking unimpressed at the large present in Alexia’s hands. 
“Hola Mami,” Alba greeted softly. They both wanted to make this up to you, of course, but they also hated when their mother was mad at them. 
“I do not think that buying her a present is going to fix this.” Eli said pointedly. Alexia and Alba exchanged nervous glances, relaxing slightly when Eli allowed them further into the house. “What is it?” 
“It’s the new camera. The brand new canon model that she wanted, with all the extra lenses and storage and stuff.” Alexia said, feeling less and less confident about how she and Alba had chosen to go about this. 
“And you think that is enough?” Eli asked bluntly. 
“It’s a start.” Alba said, a bit defensively. “We know we messed up, Mami, and we missed the opening night but we can go see it today. Are you not being a little dramatic about this?” 
Alexia shot her younger sister a look, knowing exactly how hurt you were, because Olga had returned home from the gallery and told her. 
“You did not see her last night. When she realized you weren’t coming? She completely shut down. She talked to everyone she needed to, but I did not see her smile the rest of the night. She rushed out of the building just as the evening ended, and by the time I got home, she was sitting on the couch, sobbing. It was supposed to be her night, and you ruined it.” Eli snapped. 
Alexia and Alba both looked appropriately ashamed, their heads dropping, gazes pointed at the floor in an almost identical fashion. They felt guilty, obviously, but Eli wasn’t quite sure they understood that it wasn’t just about them missing your event. It was so much more than that. 
“She asked me why she is not more important to both of you than an argument. I do not want to spoil the gallery, but I do not think you understand how embarrassing it was for her to have countless photos of you two up on the wall, when you did not even come.” 
Both her daughters’ heads snapped up at this. “Of us?” Alba asked. “The project was of us?” 
“It was about her loved ones. You two were featured more than anyone else. She was so excited to see your reactions to the photos.” Eli continued, only making them feel worse. 
“Please, Mami, I cannot hear anymore.” Alexia said softly, her heart aching at the thought of how upset you must be at the moment. Every detail that her mother added made it worse. She wasn’t sure she’d ever done anything like this to you before, and the thought that you might not forgive her was filling her with anxiety. 
“No, you will hear all of it.” Eli said, shaking her head. “She said to me, ‘I was so excited for them to see, I just wanted them to be proud of me.’” 
“We are proud of her, she has to know that.” Alba cut in desperately. Her mother just shook her head. 
“She does not. Nothing she ever does feels very important to either of you, because it is always something you have done before. This was something that was her own, and she just wanted to share it with you. Everything your sister does is so that you two will be proud of her, and pay attention to her.” 
At this, Alexia stood up from the couch, walking over to the window and putting her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook with silent cries, and neither her mother or her sister were very surprised at the emotional outburst. Alexia was always emotional when it came to you; she remembered the day you’d been born, every milestone in your life. You were your very tough sister’s soft spot. 
“Do you think we can fix it?” Alba asked quietly, terrified of her mother’s answer. 
With a deep sigh, Eli nodded her head. Alexia turned around hopefully, hanging on to Eli’s every word. “Your baby sister has always been more forgiving than both of you. She is hurt, but she will forgive you. She loves you both too much not to.” 
Every word Eli said felt like a bullet to the chest to both of your sisters, something your mother was well aware of. She wasn’t going to sugar coat this. It was silent in the room for several minutes, every member of the family lost in thought. Alexia looked furious with herself, Alba looked like she was close to tears, and Eli just looked disappointed. She’d always trusted your sisters to take care of you when she couldn’t, but she wasn’t so sure she had that confidence in them anymore. 
“I have an idea.” Alexia said finally, looking between her mother and her sister hesitantly. They both agreed to what she proposed, though, and it wasn’t long before Eli had pulled out some paper and pens for her daughters. They both sat on the floor around the coffee table and got writing. It was reminiscent of when they’d do their homework in the same spot years ago, sitting on the floor so they could play with you while they finished their assignments. 
Now, though, you were painfully absent from the scene in front of your mother, and Eli could only hope that this would work. 
-------
Alexia and Alba agreed that only one of them would go upstairs, give you the two pieces of paper, and let you be for the evening. Alexia was desperate to see you, while Alba wasn’t sure she could do so without crying, and she didn’t particularly want to put that on you at the moment. You hated seeing your sisters upset, and she didn’t want to inadvertently guilt you into forgiving her before you were ready. So, Alexia made her way upstairs, agreeing to Eli’s warnings to leave you alone if you wouldn’t let her in. 
Her knock on your door was uncharacteristically gentle, and her voice was almost shaky as she announced herself. 
“Nena? Can I come in for a minute?” 
Taking a deep breath, you opened the door, feeling rather satisfied to see the guilt all over her face. 
Alexia stepped into the room, looking so nervous and so unlike herself. She was fidgeting with two pieces of paper in her hands, barely able to bring herself to look you in the eye. “I am so sorry, hermanita. More sorry than I can put into words.” She didn't seem to know what else to say, and you rolled your eyes. 
“Do you think that is enough?” You asked. 
Alexia shook her head rapidly. “No, I know it isn’t. Alba and I are going to fix this, nena, I promise. Whatever we have to do, whatever it takes. We will make this up to you. There is nothing more important to us than you.” 
Your eldest sister could tell you didn’t believe her, the way you looked away from her was a dead giveaway. 
“I know you are upset, and that is okay. I just… can I give you a hug, nena? You can still be mad at me and everything. I’d just really like an hermanita hug.” Alexia said vulnerably, tears clouding her vision. She had underestimated how painful it would be to see you so upset with her, but her chest truly ached as she took in the betrayal and disappointment on your face. A few tears fell from her eyes, and it was this bit of emotion that had you nodding your head, stepping forward as Alexia wrapped her arms around you almost painfully tight. 
It made you feel better, even though it probably shouldn’t have. Your sister’s hugs always felt warm and safe, and today was no exception. Even though she’d hurt you. It was still Alexia, and she was a hard person to stay mad at. Still, you pulled away before you wanted to, and the blonde cleared her throat, holding out the pieces of paper for you. 
“From me and Alba. We will be downstairs, if you want to talk.” Your sister opened and closed her mouth a few times, before shaking her head, mustering a weak smile, and leaving the room. She shut the door behind her, something she never did, always insisting on leaving it open just to bother you. 
You opened your sisters’ letters, not quite sure what you would be reading. You weren’t quite angry anymore, just sad. You were never one to hold a grudge, but you weren’t sure how they were going to be able to make this stop hurting. 
You underestimate, however, how well your sisters knew you, and combined with the information they had from Eli, they knew just what to say. You read both the letters a few times, tears streaming down your face for what felt like the 12th time that day. This time, though, they were good tears. 
Both letters were similar, but very… specific to each of your sisters. 
Alexia’s was practically a bullet pointed list, in her messy, big handwriting. There was a mark on the page that looked suspiciously like a teardrop, and Alexia talked about her emotions in the letter the way she always did in real life; saying as little as possible, while still somehow saying a whole lot. 
Alba’s was a real letter, paragraph after paragraph of neat writing, beautifully articulating what she wanted to say to you. It was always a bit surprising to remember how perceptive Alba was. She was a forgetful person, but not when it came to the things that mattered. This was clear in the letter, as she listed small details out that you hadn’t thought she’d noticed. 
Both of the letters were an apology. An apology, and a deep dive into how proud of you Alexia and Alba were. They apologized for not making it clear, before going back to when you were a baby, and they watched you walk for the first time. Through the years, they had overlapping and different memories of things you’d done that made them swell with pride. There were things you remembered, and things you didn’t, but they made you feel special all the same. Alexia and Alba did pay attention, that much was clear. Even if they weren’t always the best at showing it, they paid attention to you. 
It did more than a verbal apology could have ever done. It was something tangible, kind, warm and loving. It made you feel loved, and seen. It made you feel like you mattered. You weren’t Alexia, and you weren’t Alba, but you were you, and they felt that to be something much more special. 
You tried to hold out a bit longer, you really did, but you were putting the letters down and rushing downstairs before you could really stop yourself. 
You passed the kitchen on the way to the living room, where your Mami was preparing dinner, a small, relieved smile on her face. Wishing you had something funny and unbothered to say, you walked into the room, seeing your sisters sitting on the couch, looking pathetically distraught. 
“Hola.” You said softly, feeling indescribably happy when both of their faces lit up at the sight of you, and you quickly crossed the room, wedging yourself in between them. They made room for you, as they always did, allowing you to fit easily into your spot squished with Alexia on one side, and Alba on the other. 
They each wrapped an arm around you, and both tried to pull you in opposite directions. It was ironic, the way they used you to play a silly game of tug of war. This time, however, they stopped pulling when they realized neither of them would win. Instead, they both wrapped you into a very awkward and suffocating hug, arms wrapped around you from seemingly every direction. 
“I love you, nena.” Alexia whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. 
Alba did the same to your cheek. “I am so sorry, hermanita, and I love you so much,” she whispered. 
“I know.” You said softly. “I forgive you.”  
And if it had been either of them in your position, it would have taken a lot more. You were the forgiving sister, though, and you’d really just needed proof that your sisters thought that you were as important as you felt them to be. 
When Eli came in the room a few minutes later, it was to see the three of you in a rather familiar position; you in the middle, each of your sisters holding on to as much of you as they could, completely content. They’d always like to hold you like that, starting when you were a baby. Alexia would carefully put you on the couch in between them, and put a movie on. They would take turns telling you all the important details your brain was far too small to comprehend, but you didn’t squirm, and you didn’t fuss. You would stay plopped right in between them, one of each of their fingers gripped tight in your hands. 
It was a lot different now, because you were all bigger. It looked like an uncomfortable pile of limbs on the couch, but Eli knew you were all as comfortable as you’d ever get. 
-------
Neither of your sisters seemed very willing to let you out of their sight anytime soon, which you were sure would grow annoying very fast. For now, though, you enjoyed the attention, especially when Alexia pushed the wrapped box that had been sitting on the table into your hands. 
And, you’d already forgiven them before you’d seen the camera they’d bought you, one that you’d been desperately wanting for a while. If you hadn’t forgiven them, though, you would have now. You could be bought, and your sisters were well aware of it. As was your Mami. She rolled her eyes as you stared in awe at the camera, as Alexia and Alba looked on proudly, sharing a discreet fist bump. Personally, Eli thought you’d let them off kind of easy, but she shouldn’t have underestimated you. You were a youngest child, and you knew how to get what you wanted. 
“Can we go see your photos after dinner?” Alba asked, not even getting a glance from you, your attention completely zeroed in on the camera in your hands. 
“Nope.” You replied. Alexia and Alba looked uneasily at each other, and then at their Mami for guidance, before you spoke again. “Alexia, you are going to clean my room. And Alba, you are going to make me those cookies I like. We can go see the gallery tomorrow.” 
Your face was smug, and your mother stifled a laugh as your sisters looked disgruntled at each other. Begrudgingly, though, they both nodded. 
“Anything for the princess.” Alexia mumbled, and Alba snickered quietly. 
“What was that?” You asked, turning your attention to your sisters. They looked at you in defiance, smirks on both of their faces, not willing to let you completely walk all over them, even if they deserved it. 
“You heard me.” Alexia teased. “The baby princess always gets her way.” 
“Really, Ale?” You asked calmly, before turning to Eli, your new camera briefly forgotten on the table in front of you. “Mami, do you have any plans in two weekends? I was thinking we could take a trip just the two of-” 
Alexia cut you off by rather aggressively throwing herself at you, covering your mouth with her hand. “NO HERMANITA!” The blonde shouted. “Oh, gross, nena, really?” She groaned, pulling her hand away when you licked it. You smiled triumphantly, managing to push away from her a bit. 
“You are not a princess, nena. Just a little baby.” Alba chimed in, reaching over from her chair to pinch your cheek in one hand. “Now keep quiet before you ruin the surprise and give Ale a stroke.” 
Your mother shook her head, taking pity on her eldest daughter, who looked prepared to explode at the thought of the surprise being ruined. “Do you think I do not know you were planning a trip for the four of us, Alexia? Honey, you asked me several times if I was free that weekend, and reminded me not to make any plans then either. You also asked me for hotel recommendations, and pretended it was for you and Olga. You are a bad liar, mija. I have known for weeks.” Eli laughed. 
Alexia frowned, shoving you and Alba both away from her as you both collapsed into giggles, despite the fact that this was entirely her fault, and you and Alba were blameless. She knew there was teasing coming her way, but the smile on your face was well worth it. Order had been restored, and both of your sisters had made promises to themselves, and to each other, to not let their arguments hurt you anymore. You were just happy to have them both there, at home. All four of you together, how it was supposed to be. 
-------
it will really always be funny to me that my sister and i do not say the words "i'm sorry" to each other. like we'd both rather die than apologize. she could hit me with her car and i wouldn't want her to apologize because... ew. anyway sometimes having a sister is cool and sometimes its not but i love mine.
everyone applaud me for not splitting this into two parts. seriously i am astounded at myself right now.
hope you all like it :) give me all your thoughts.
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loveemagicpeace · 1 year ago
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🏹1st house & You 🌌
💕1st house describes you as a person, your appearance. The Ascendant and the 1st house-This area of the chart denotes your body as the vehicle for your life force and vitality, and so suggests your sense of yourself as a physically separate individual. Being the symbol of the birth moment, it also describes your arrival into the world and the pattern of responses this sets up. Your Ascendant (or rising) sign is a powerful indicator of how you feel about yourself.💕
⚡️1st house Sun -the person usually looks proud, illuminated and casirmatic. The charisma of these persons is very noticeable. Many times their hair is noticed because it is like a lion's mane or it melts. They put a lot into their hair and take care of it. I notice that these people often dress in one color or wear various inscriptions, paintings related to childhood (many times you see cartoon T-shirts) or some kind of logos. Many times they like to dress in brands. Many times they come forward very confident, but in reality many times they are not at all. Many times the sun covers up their insecurity or weakness. You know how to enlighten others around you and people with this position are often popular among people. People love you quickly. You almost never experience something very terrible (unless there are aspects and other houses that are darker).
🌙1st house Moon- persons tend to appear more kind, caring and friendly. But they can also come forward capriciously (depending on their mood). Emotions are carried on their face and it is difficult to reveal them. Individuals with the Moon in the 1st House wear their hearts on their sleeves and follow their hearts. They have good intuition and are quick to feel things emotionally. Many times the moon creates a cancer look or makes a person's head rounder. People can have gentle soft appearance, a smiling face, and a yearning for comfort, pleasure, and luxury.
🍀1st house Mercury-people look thinner and taller. Usually, when you talk to them, they come across as very smart and intelligent. Many times there are people who have the energy to talk a lot. Above all, their mind and thinking is in the foreground. Many people can ask them for advice. Mercury also gives many thoughts, which you say out loud. You can practically speak your mind. These people also start talking quickly and are the initiators of topics. Maybe sometimes they say things out loud without meaning to. Many times they have multiple personalities and are never really committed to just one thing. They can quickly change their mind if they are not sure about it. What I also noticed is that in reality they talk a lot because they want to get rid of the unpleasant feeling of silence. They do not like the death of silence and many times they prefer noise.
🧚🏼‍♀️1st house Venus-venus usually gives feminine beauty and many people can find you beautiful. You can often get compliments. Your energy is relaxing and often these people are natural (they like natural beauty). This placement gives you a warm, friendly aura and an elegant air that people find irresistible. These individuals tend to be well liked and exude an aura of warmth, friendliness. These individuals tend to be extremely tolerant, accommodating and often compromise their own inner needs and wishes for the sake of maintaining peace and avoiding conflict. You tend to attract others to you quite readily, and rarely come on too strong or aggressively. Venus in the 1st, you might come across as charming, keen to get on with everyone and oil the wheels. There are people who will make you feel that you can be beautiful no matter what u wear. Although they are either very natural without make-up and especially if they have virgo rising. Or they may be obsessed with doing beauty touch-ups and make-up.
🦋1st house Mars- Mars here can come out all guns blazing, a pattern that may reflect emergencies in the birth experience or the early presence of a rival. There may be a lot of masculine energy here. These people know how to do men's jobs and can come forward quite dominantly and decisively. Their energy is usually more intense, strong and strict. You can have a more athletic body or you can have lots of muscles. Facial features tend to be more severe, strong and dark. Many times they emit more dangerous energy (people can be afraid of them). They are people who react quickly and fight for the things/people they love. Very passionate people. They are fearless and dare a lot. They will always be up for crazy things. What I noticed about these people is that thay often attract some situation that are more aggressive or people that following them or something like that(not always).
🐚1st house Saturn- people tend to look older than they really are. Many times they give off the energy of a parent or a more authoritative energy. They are responsible and serious people who do not like someone who is too childish. Otherwise, these people are non-judgmental, you will rarely ever see them judge someone. They may have weight problems and may fluctuate a lot. Their face is similar to saturn, when you look at their face you can see the shape of saturn. They have reinforced bones, especially if they are thin, their body shape is very noticeable. They usually have tattoos. There is one thing about Saturn people that they don't actually look like some kind of business oriented people, but they actually look opposite of that. Many times darker with my style or even emo style I notice many times. Although mostly more chipped/torn style. They love things that are dark or scary sometimes.
🫧1st house Neptune-this people have a magical outlook and energy. When you're in their presence, you feel like they're not real at all or like they're from a movie. They also have the appearance of a mermaid. They have shiny and pearly eyes. When you look into their eyes, it looks like you will get lost in them. They have hypnotic eyes. Their appearance is usually dreamy and many people cannot define exactly how they see their beauty. They have a very energetically magical approach (many times they leave special energy on others). But they can also draw a lot of other people's energy. People often ask them for help or advice. People can often be shy in front of them because they have celebrities energy. Many times they live in their dream world. Neptune's influence endows the individual with a profound understanding of their innermost personality. Eyes are often grey or blue of a rather cold shade.
🧃1st house Uranus-your energy is above all unique and special. People find you unique and different. You have your own energy. You dare to be different and you like to stand out with your appearance, clothes and opinion. Many times your opinion or view may differ from others. Your style can often be very interesting and you know how to style pieces of clothing that others would never do very well. Things look special on you. With Uranus in the 1st house can be described as having unusual and unconventional qualities that person have. You may have a particular body shape or there may be a part of you that is very different from others and people find that interesting about you. This makes you stand out from the crowd.
💘1st house Jupiter-happiness is with you everywhere. There are many happy coincidences. You have a confident and optimistic energy. People can often see you as someone who always finds a way. You can be a very good teacher to others and have a lot of wisdom about things. Regardless of everything, you always find faith and trust in the things you love to do and trust that things will turn out well. You are a spontaneous person who sees life as full of opportunities. You never stop living and many times you live for the moment. Also gives you a charming and attractive appearance, which will draw people towards you. Your charming personality makes you stand out in a crowd and people admire you for the same. You love learning new things and gathering new experiences by traveling around the world. Your personality may be infused with humor, joy, and generosity. You like to experience things even if you never heard of them before. This is like a challenge to you.
🌌1st house Pluto- Your personality is many times an enigma. Because you always decide how much of yourself you want to share and show to others. Sometimes you can trust the wrong people too quickly, and sometimes it takes a long time to trust new ones. A powerful and transformative placement that can significantly influence a person's life and personality. Although pluto is prominent and the first house is the most expressive house, I would say that sometimes it can be difficult to express how you really feel or to share it with others. It is important that when you meet people / when you are dealing with a certain situation, you always listen to your feelings. It is good to carry a smoky quartz crystal with you. With Pluto you can find strength and courage and show people your strong energy. You can also feel people's souls. The first house is your appearance, it's good to change your appearance evey now or then because that's how you leave the past behind. Also pay attention to the signs around you cuz sometimes people trying to tell you something or the signs itself try to tell you something and you ignored it. Cuz pluto people have the tendency to ignore all of the signs because they don't trust them but it's actually the signs that are good for them (especially if this sign is repeated several times). And many times these people change their appearance when they want to escape from someone or change their life.
🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸
-Rebekah🫧♥️🌙
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hgfictionwriter · 5 months ago
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Discovery - Part Three
Jessie Fleming x Reader
Summary: Jessie spends the night for the first time and things come to a head. She's trying desperately to not hurt you, but instead, it's all she seems to be doing.
Warnings: G!P content. Masturbation (J). Body image issues or even dysphoria; mental and emotional anxiety; internal conflicts. Angst. Reluctant gaslighting??
A/N: Chapters one and two.
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“Are you sure you have everything you need?”
Jessie smiled as she stood at the end of the couch, freshly changed into her pyjamas. You stood across from her, casually leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom. You wore your sleepwear as well, a baggy t-shirt and some shorts which she found incredibly cute. She tried to not let her eyes linger too long on your toned legs.
“I’m totally fine. You’ve set up quite the digs for me here,” she said as she gestured to the pillows and blankets.
“Okay,” you said with a small laugh. “And I set aside a couple of towels for you in the bathroom in case you want to shower when you wake up.”
“Awesome. Thank you. I tend to get up pretty early. I’ll try not to wake you up.” You waved her off.
“Don’t worry about it. I may not be up quite as early as you, but you know I’m a morning person myself.” You paused. “Okay, well, I hope you have a good sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. And if you need or want anything, just help yourself.”
“Will do. Thanks, babe,” Jessie said as she gave you a soft kiss. She sensed how you both wanted it to linger, but she forced herself to pull away. She smiled. “Good night.”
“Good night. And,” you shrugged trying to put on an air of nonchalance, “thanks for spending the night.”
Jessie chuckled and brought a hand to the back of her head. “Well, I know me biking home at ungodly hours of the night has been stressing you out the past few weeks, so, you know. Happy to finally put your mind at ease.”
She gave you another quick kiss and you retreated to your bedroom. She stared at the closed door for a few seconds before releasing a tight breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She settled into the couch, turning off the light and getting under the blankets.
She sighed contently and stared up at the ceiling. She could hear soft noises coming through the wall as you settled into bed as well.
The weeks had passed and Jessie was really happy with how your relationship had grown. Emotionally, things were even stronger - there was no question of that. Though she had to cast aside guilt every time you mentioned how close you felt to her.
That aside, simple acts of affection, like a kiss, were easier and more commonplace for you both now. And you even made out regularly, but they were always short and fleeting sessions. Jessie had been working very hard to desensitize herself and had even started wearing different clothes in hopes of better concealing a rogue erection. Still, it wasn’t a solution.
You were patient with her, but she could see your frustration building. And God, she understood, she was frustrated too.
It was inevitable that she’d need to spend the night at some point. You’d been dating for a few months and though her travel and schedule bought her time, she was running out of excuses as to why she couldn’t stay. Questions were starting to mount from your friends as well and though you laughed it off as you retold the stories to Jessie, she could see it weighed on you.
As for tonight, you told her she didn’t need to sleep on the couch, but didn’t push it at all.
Jessie was used to sleeping pretty much anywhere and everywhere, so she slept soundly through the night. When she woke, the first rays of light were just starting to break through. She blinked a few times, slowly coming to. She shifted slightly before freezing in place.
“Shit,” she mouthed as she lifted the covers and glanced down in a panic, only to confirm that her cock was jutting up and pulling her sweats tight.
She dropped the covers and looked up at the ceiling with an inaudible huff, her irritation with herself immediate.
It wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to wake up like this, and in recent years, it didn’t really matter. But laying here in your living room, sporting a raging hard on that would serve as a devastating discovery, it filled her mind with flashbacks to panicked mornings at sleepovers she tried desperately to avoid in high school.
She closed her eyes and worked to relax. There were two ways of resolving this and one was not an option right now.
She lay there for a few minutes and frowned in frustration. Normally, if she just relaxed or went about her morning routine it would just go away. She huffed under her breath and picked up her phone to start scrolling to try to distract herself.
Every time she thought of something else and was close to settling down, her mind insisted on shifting back to you and she'd remain at full attention. She rubbed her face in agitation.
"Come on," she coached herself.
The friction of the fabric being pulled taut against her as she fidgeted made matters worse. When her toes began to curl and her fists began to clench and unclench she shook out her head.
She stared at the bathroom door.
She shouldn't. She really, really shouldn't.
She checked the time. You normally woke up around this time. She couldn't just be laying out here, cock standing up defiantly, when you came out. Sure, the blanket might be able to conceal it to some degree, but...then what.
A heavy exhale escaped her lips. She couldn't believe she was doing this. She threw off the blanket and walked as swiftly and quietly to the bathroom as she could, closing the door gingerly behind her so as not to wake you. She checked the lock before turning on the shower and getting undressed.
It was a relief when she took off her boxer briefs and her cock sprang up. She stepped into the shower and wasted little time before dealing with her nuisance.
At home, it didn't take much for her to cum. She could drag it out if she wanted to, but if she was in a time crunch, that wasn't a problem. Right now? The minutes passed as she stood under the warm water and grit her teeth as she tried to find some release. She leaned a hand out against the shower wall and closed her eyes again as she pictured you - what your touch would feel like, how you'd feel gripping her, how you'd sound, how you'd look beneath her or riding her cock.
Fuck, she should be cumming, but she was too in her head.
"Jess - what do you-"
"What!" Jessie bellowed, her eyes flying open as she recoiled from the wall. Her chest heaved, breaths shallow and her heartbeat deafening in her ears as she stared in panic at the inside of the shower curtain before taking a tentative step and peering around it. The bathroom was empty.
Her lips were parted as she tried to catch her breath. She could've swore you were inside. She could see from here the door was still locked.
"Sorry," you said through the door, tone undecipherable. "I'll just talk to you after."
She cleared her throat, staring helplessly at the back of the door.
"Sorry! I-I was just surprised. What's going on?"
Silence.
Well. That was one way to deal with her arousal. There was nothing to worry about now.
Jessie dried herself off as quickly as possible and got changed. The pit in her stomach was heavier than ever as she recited different apologies or explanations in her head.
She yelled at you. She couldn't believe it. She didn't yell at people like that - especially not people she cared about. Loved. She grit her teeth together almost painfully.
This secret was twisting who she was and how she was showing up for you.
Her hand on the door knob, she took a deep, steadying breath before twisting it and stepping out. It only took a second to see you sitting quietly at the dining table with a book in hand. You didn't look at her right away and her stomach dropped.
"Hey," Jessie said gently as she approached. She tried to not be tentative, she didn't want to exacerbate what happened, but she couldn't help herself. "Good morning." She forced a smile onto her face.
"Hi," you said. Though a hint of a smile remained on your face, the open smile you started with dissipated as quickly as it formed. Your gaze fell briefly before you refocused on her. You smiled again, nervously this time as you gestured vaguely towards the bathroom. "Um, sorry about that. I didn't mean to-"
"Oh no," Jessie interjected, dismissing your apology with a wave of her hands. "I'm sorry. I-I was just surprised. It didn't mean anything though."
"Oh. It's okay," you shrugged, dropping eye contact. "I shouldn't have bothered you. I could've just waited."
"No," Jessie countered with a frown. "I shouldn't have reacted like that."
You chuckled lightly, a faint, perhaps rueful smirk forming at the edge of your mouth. "I mean, it caught me off guard - not gonna lie. But I caught you off guard too, so, we're even."
Jessie felt her face heating up and she scruffed up her hair.
"No, that's not fair. I'm sorry," Jessie persisted.
You shrugged, sitting back, eyes fixed on your now-closed book for a moment. "We're still new; learning each other's boundaries. You don't like to be interrupted when you're showering." You laughed as you looked up to her with a smirk. "That's completely fine. I just didn't know."
Jessie held back a heavy sigh. This was so stupid.
"It wasn't that. I think I just thought you'd come in and I freaked out. I'm sorry."
"I wouldn't do that," you frowned in disbelief. "I," you gave an exasperated sigh and dropped your hands to your lap, "was just trying to see what you wanted for breakfast." Jessie was about to speak went you frowned deeper and spoke in a somewhat hushed voice. "Why would I barge in on you? We haven't even- never mind." You shook your head.
Jessie's stomach tightened and she sighed in an effort to reset. "Look, I'm very, very sorry. And yeah, it was stupid of me to think you were just barging in. I-" she shook her head as she tried to conjure up the right words. She shrugged in defeat. "This is entirely on me. Not you."
You gave her a look. "Oh, I love that line."
"It's not a line," she refuted before hanging her head in her hands and groaning. She straightened back up and gave you a beseeching look. "Can I make you breakfast? Please?"
You half rolled your eyes. "I was going to make you breakfast."
"No, come on," Jessie said as she headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I owe you."
You relented and soon enough Jessie was sitting down across from you, plates of eggs and toast in front of you both.
There was conversation during breakfast, but it was stilted. This was not at all what Jessie pictured for your first morning together and of course it was her fault. It took valiant effort on her part to not get down on herself in this moment. If she did, she'd clam up and it would only make things worse.
Jessie insisted on doing the dishes after breakfast, despite your protests. You didn't finish your food, instead claiming it tasted good, but you just weren't that hungry. She hadn't even had a chance to inquire as to your plans for the day before you excused yourself, telling her you had to run some errands and meet up with a friend after. She wanted to offer to join you for errands, but got the sense you didn't want that.
When you parted ways that morning, she well and truly felt like shit.
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Thankfully, the awkwardness of that morning was fleeting and soon you two were back to normal. She'd even stayed a few more times over the passing weeks without incident and for that she was grateful.
She begrudged your situation more and more because all she wanted was to be with you. She wanted to spend every night with you, she wanted to fall asleep with you in her arms and wake up just the same. But, that couldn't be. Yet anyway.
Janine had been on her case to tell you everything, and she knew Janine was right, but every time she went to broach the subject her mouth went dry and she just chickened out.
At the start, she tried to tell herself that if she gave your relationship more time, it would be more comfortable to bring up, you'd have a solid foundation to fall back on. Even then, she knew it was a lie to cover up her cowardice. But now, several months into your relationship and even longer into your friendship, it felt like an impossibility to address. It felt like a betrayal.
And stupid moments caused friction. You two had been laughing about something and Jessie sat down after and you sat in her lap. Though she let you sit there for a short while, the way you shifted against her was far too risky. She tried to subtly coax you off, but she caught the look of embarrassment on your face.
Tonight, you were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie together. Then, of course, a hot and heavy sex scene started playing.
You both remained perfectly still as you both watched. The tension and anxiety Jessie felt was palpable and she was sure you felt it too. It's not that you'd never come across explicit scenes before together, but it was more and more awkward over time.
"Wow. They're really going for it," you muttered at some point as the scene dragged on, breaking the silence. She looked at you out of the corner of her eye and saw you rub your temple with a near-grimace on your face.
Her heart raced. Maybe she could use this as an opportunity. She cleared her throat and resettled into her position on the couch. She scratched at the corner of her eye.
"Yeah, totally," she said distractedly in response to your comment. "Um," she could feel her face heating up already, "I know you're into girls - I mean, obviously." Jessie's head lolled to the side as she shrugged. "But um, does that mean, you know, you've never slept with a guy? Or you know, been interested? In you know, sleeping with a guy?"
When she turned to look at you, she was met with a very perplexed stare. You frowned.
"What do you mean?" You asked, a slight edge in your voice and Jessie felt her face burning hot. She pulled her hand out of yours as she held out her palms while she spoke.
"I was just curious," she said as she brought her shoulders high in a prolonged shrug.
"Have you?" You asked pointedly.
"Wha- Me? Slept with a guy? Well, no," Jessie stammered, feeling your eyes bore into the side of her face as she spoke towards the TV. She looked back at you as she finished and you looked away.
"Mm," you voiced and you settled into the cushion a bit further, still not looking at her as you folded your arms tight against yourself.
"Well, um," her gaze flit about as she tried to map out how to proceed, "is that bad?"
"That you haven't slept with a guy?" You asked, that edge still in your voice as you looked at her. "Guess that all depends if you think it's bad that I have."
"You have?" Jessie asked brightly and you gave her an even more confused look. "Did you like it?"
"What? I'm so confused right now." You pushed yourself back up and turned your body partially towards her. "I don't know where you're going with this. But me sleeping with a guy before doesn't mean anything." You frowned. "If you're asking if I liked fucking a cock," you gave a faint laugh with a pointed look, "clearly not enough." You sat back against the couch once more and shot her a smirk. "That curiosity was satisfied and I don't ever need to do it again. A strap is more than enough for me."
Jessie's body froze and she held her breath in her lungs unknowingly. She eventually swallowed and looked away, settling back into the couch as well, but unable to speak. She felt numb.
"Hey, did I say something wrong?" You asked. She could see you sitting forward to peer at her. She felt your hand rest on her thigh and she cleared her throat, pulling away slightly before fixing her gaze on the TV again.
"Wha-" You started, shoulders dropping as you stared at her in confusion. "Babe, I don't-" You trailed off again. A moment passed, but you didn't break your stare. "I'm sorry if I said something wrong."
"It's all good," Jessie said lightly, offering you a fleeting glance before nodding at the screen. "I was just curious. Can we watch the rest of the movie?"
She saw your body slump out of the corner of her eye and felt your eyes still on her. You seemed to contemplate what to do, but eventually sat back. You went to grasp her hand, and although she didn't pull away this time, she didn't reciprocate as her fingers rest loosely around your grip.
"Do you want to sleep with a guy?" You asked slowly, not letting up.
"No," Jessie responded firmly.
"Well, what is this about? I'm sorry," you repeated emphatically. "I know we never talk about sex. I'm sorry if I said too much. But you asked, so I answered...," you trailed off.
Your note about how you avoided the topic of sex like the plague made matters worse. She tried not to let out a sigh of exasperation, settling for a glance down at your hand and a feeble shrug. "It was nothing. Let's just watch the movie, okay?"
"I can tell it's not nothing," you went on and Jessie turned to you this time, giving you a steady stare. You looked so sorry, confused, helpless even. Part of her felt bad, but at this point she mostly felt bad for herself. Her emotions were churning and she wasn't sure how to feel or what to say. She wanted to leave.
She stood up and caught the look of concern on your face, but turned her back to you anyway.
"Where are you going?" You asked. She could hear you push yourself to the edge of your seat.
She scratched the back of her head. Her conviction to leave now wavering. She pushed her hair back.
"Just gonna grab some water," she settled on, her voice low and flat. She forced herself to turn and give you as much of a smile as she could muster. You looked unconvinced and were about to speak, when she cut you off. "Want anything?"
You paused, seeming to relent. You stared at her for a couple of seconds before dropping your gaze. "No," you said quietly as you sat back.
When Jessie returned to the couch, the tension was no better, but you'd seemed to be giving her space, which she was grateful for.
Her mind ran rampant throughout the rest of the movie. She caught herself fidgeting several times over; running her palms harshly against the top of her thighs, picking at her fingers, bouncing her knee. She wasn't being very subtle about her unrest, but you kept your distance.
The movie ended and the credits rolled and neither of you went to speak or make a move. Jessie fought the renewed urge to leave.
Eventually, you spoke.
"It's pretty late. Guess we should go to bed?" You asked in more of a statement than a question. Jessie didn't look at you and simply nodded. Another pause.
"You don't have to stay if you don't want," you offered, voice softer than before.
She shot you a look, holding eye contact. Even though she wanted to leave a moment ago, the fact that you offered it caused her temper to flare.
"Sure. If that's what you want," she said in a restrained manner as she stood.
"What? I-no. Jess," you implored. "That's not what I meant." She heard you stand, but she kept her back to you. "I-you just seem...restless. And not happy with me. So..., I was just saying you shouldn't feel obliged to stay the night. I want you to stay, but, only if you want it, too."
"Why would I be upset with you?" Jessie asked evenly as she turned to face you. She knew it was entirely unfair to ask, but she was so out of sorts and didn't know how to manage.
You gave almost a pained laugh. "I was hoping you could tell me. Because I don't know." You gave a quick shake of your head and held out your hands in defeat. "You asked me this question about sleeping with guys. I answered, and now you won't talk to me."
"And I told you it was nothing. I was just curious. I'm just tired. It's been a long week," she said. She knew she should offer you some kind of reassurance - the truth, for one - but even a smile or a kiss or something. She couldn't bring herself to do it.
You didn't believe her; that was clear. Still, you nodded.
"Okay. Well. If you want to talk at some point, I'm open. I'd like to," you offered before clasping your hands together and shrugging. "And, I do want you to spend the night still. If you like."
How? After how cold she'd been. Cagey. You still wanted her to stay. You were too good for her. The anger she'd been using to build a wall between you weakened.
"Okay," she said quietly, kicking idly at the hardwood floor, her eyes downcast before looking up at you. "If you're alright with me staying, I will."
You gave a discouraged shake of your head. "Yes, of course I want you to stay. Jess, you-" you stalled and just shook your head further. "Yes. Please stay."
She set up on the couch like usual. Tonight you didn't even attempt to offer sharing a bed together and you retreated to your room after a tentative and brief 'goodnight' kiss.
Jessie didn't know how long she laid there staring up at the darkened ceiling. Her mind wouldn't let up.
You had no interest in cock. So, you weren't interested in her. At least you wouldn't be once you knew.
Her eyes stung with unshed tears. She really wanted things to be different with you. She was so stupid. She'd let things go far too long. She'd been too scared to address things - to risk losing you. And now she was going to lose you anyway, but she'd let too much time pass, your connection grow too deep. Her chest ached already.
How could she protect herself so much, but still leave herself so vulnerable?
All of the 'should've' and 'could've' moments from your relationship were playing endlessly in her head. Her nails dug painfully into her skin as she tried to retain composure.
Alarm shot through her body as she heard your bedroom door open. She lay entirely still as the door softly opened. It was a couple of second before she saw your figure tentatively stepping out into the dark only to stop at the foot of the couch.
"Jess?" You whispered.
Another flare of panic went through her and her body stiffened further. She managed to respond though.
"Y-yeah?" She said, needing to clear her throat and hating how muffled her voice sounded with residual emotion.
You were quiet for a moment before speaking again.
"I can't sleep," you said, and Jessie's chest panged when she heard your voice waver.
She cleared her throat again. "Me neither."
You sniffled and took a seat on the arm of the couch. She could make out the shadow of you staring down at your hands as you fidgeted.
"I don't like how we left things tonight," you said quietly.
A renewed wave of anxiety went through Jessie, her hands clenching into fists.
"Yeah. Same," she said. It was true, even if you were upset for different reasons.
"Can we talk, then?" You asked. Jessie exhaled silently. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted things to be better. To be different. But she didn't want to have the hard conversations that would likely be the end of things.
"Sure," she agreed.
"Can you...," you trailed off momentarily, "tell me what upset you this evening? Because, if I said or did anything offensive or upsetting, I really want to know so I don't do it again."
"You didn't do anything," Jessie told you, already feeling herself start to withdraw despite everything.
"Jess," you implored, some impatience bleeding in. "Please. I know something's wrong. And I-" You paused, eventually exhaling. "Knowing that I've upset or hurt you in some way is driving me crazy. I-I care about you so much. You don't even know. I just want to fix things."
Jessie felt tears started to pool at the corner of her eyes again and she felt her defenses weaken.
"You didn't do anything wrong, baby," she said gently. "I'm just in my head."
You moved from the arm of the couch to the cushions. You leaned forward, resting your weight on your palms that you positioned outside of her legs, close enough to touch.
"You don't need to be," you said. "I want you to feel safe talking to me. Isn't that the point of how we're approaching our relationship? To build things emotionally?"
Jessie ground her teeth together as she fought off impending emotions. Even if she knew what she wanted to say, she wasn't sure she'd be able to speak without her voice trembling. She saw as you watched her quietly before looking away in defeat. Still, your thumb tenderly grazed the side of her leg.
"I don't know what to do," you said, gaze set on the floor. You eventually looked back to her, a pained smile on your face as you looked at her through the dark. "I really love you, Jess." Your voice broke as you said her name.
Jessie lifted her head to look further at you before pushing herself up so she was sitting. You loved her. Or at least you thought you did. Her chest tightened painfully as your words settled in.
"You don't have to say the same," you spoke quickly. "I just- I just want you to know."
She stared at you through the dark. She wanted to reciprocate. So badly. But how could she tell you she loved you when she couldn't find the courage to tell you anything else?
Her thoughts turned dark. Truth was, you didn't truly love her. You legitimately couldn't. You only loved what she presented and time was quickly running out.
The longer she waited the more hurt you looked. She felt so conflicted and eventually just reacted.
"Come here," she said softly as pulled you by the shirt towards her and kissed you deeply. She felt your body hitch with initial hesitation before melting into the kiss. You pulled back briefly, studying her for a second before kissing her again, deeper and more passionately than earlier.
Things escalated quickly. Your touches were hungry and urgent and this time Jessie did nothing to stop you. Soon, you were straddling her on the couch as you made out and your hands wandered along her body.
It wasn't long before a tightening sensation in her pants brought her back to her senses. Her grip on your waist tightened and you moaned into the kiss as you ground your hips into her.
Jessie's eyes flew open in a panic and she pushed you off of her. She tried to be gentle and gradual about it, but there was still an audible thud as you made contact with the arm of the couch.
Jessie watched you, wide-eyed and terrified as you looked back at her with shock that quickly dissolved into hurt. You cast your gaze to the wall, your body stiff, and Jessie could see emotion starting to bubble up.
"Y/N, I-" she started, but her words caught in her throat as you stood up and walked briskly into your bedroom. You threw the door closed behind you, and whether intentional or not, it didn't quite close and was left a few inches ajar.
A completely different kind of anxiety swept through Jessie's body as she rose off the couch and strode towards your door, pausing and staring at the gap between the frame and door. She wanted to push it open, but she remained rooted to the spot.
"Y/N," she called your name softly. "Y/N, I'm sorry. I-"
"Just go away, Jessie." Your voice was congested and strained and left her with little doubt that you were crying. Even then, you didn't sound angry, you sounded dejected and defeated and it hurt Jessie far more.
She let out an exasperated breath, bringing her hand to the door and opening it just a touch as she peered in. You were already under the covers at the far edge of the bed with your back to the door.
"Can we please talk?" Jessie asked, hoping desperately that you could feel how sorry she was.
You sniffled and she saw you curl into yourself under the covers. "No. I'd really rather not right now." Jessie's heart ached and continued racing.
"I-I can understand. But, please let me explain-"
"There's not much to explain," you interrupted. Jessie protested your claim and you cut her off again, trying valiantly to keep your voice steady though it still wavered. "I'm just going to go to sleep, okay?"
Jessie's stomach was in knots as she stared at your figure in the dark. There was so much she wanted to say.
"Please close the door," you pleaded softly.
She opened her mouth to speak, even lifting herself up onto balls of her feet before stopping herself. Defeat swept over her as she saw you wipe at your face. Her shoulders slumped and she sighed quietly. Her stare lingered a few moments longer before she reached up and closed the door.
She walked in a daze back to the couch and sat down heavily and stared blankly forward. This morning, you two were close as ever. Now...
Her shoulders shook as she started to cry. The display of emotions caught her off guard and she sat up pin straight and grit her teeth together harshly. Her lip trembled and she held her breath firmly in her lungs as she tried to regain control.
She dug her fingers painfully into the tops of her thighs and a small whimper escaped her. She'd tried to be so careful about everything, but instead made a royal mess out of everything.
She sniffled as she pushed herself off of the couch. She found herself at the front door, putting on her shoes and jacket. She grasped the doorknob, stilling, hesitating for just a moment before swinging it open and stepping out.
Glancing back, she contemplated texting you or leaving you a note of some kind. Her throat grew tight once more with grief and she closed the door.
Let's be honest. The way she was hurting you, the way she was lying to you for so long, she clearly wasn't ready to be in a relationship. You deserved so much better.
A/N: Folks asked to be tagged @multifandomlesbianic @marvelwomen-simp
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beifong-brainrot · 5 months ago
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I am definetly in the minority here, but I was always so deeply touched by Mai's confession during that scene.
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There's just something about Mai's confession that makes me feel so unbearably sad. I think the first thing that hits me is just how... empty she seems in this situation compared to the rest of the Firesome Foursome. Zuko is angry™️ and lashing out, Ty Lee is sad and concerned and Azula is posturing. But Mai is just so devoid of even sadness around her chidlhood trauma.
It's sort of like she shut down emotionally to some extent, (even more than usual) especially after her fight with Zuko.
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This is quite a common reaction to arguments from someone who was raised to be obedient and non-confrontational, so I'm not surprised she was acting like this.
Analysing Mai's behaviour on the beach is interesting.
She seems to try to reach out to Zuko in her own, tepid little way by greeting him, but clams back up when he asks her where "her new boyfriend" was. This leads to her smacking his hand away when he tries to reach out to her by asking if she's cold. They're both trying to mend the bridge, but end up escalating the conflict further.
She remains silent for a good while, but does speak up in order to defend Ty Lee from Zuko lashing out. Despite this, when Zuko persists, Mai doesn't push the issue, perhaps due to her upbringing to be placid.
Due to this, I find it intriguing when Mai mocks Ty Lee for attention seeking, since she had attempted to defend Ty Lee from Zuko's ridicule. But perhaps its due to jealousy or frustration by Ty Lee's freely expressed sorrow and trauma that made Mai lash out in her own way.
Or it's just because the writers didn't know how to jump from Ty Lee's traumadump to Mai's lol
This is where we get into the meat and potatoes of Mai's confession.
Ty Lee bites back at Mai and parrots Zuko's opinion of Mai being "a big blah" as he said.
Ty Lee : Well, what's your excuse, Mai? You were an only child for fifteen years, but even with all that attention, your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray ... Mai : I don't believe in auras. Zuko: Yeah, you don't believe in anything. Mai : Oh, well, I'm sorry I can't be as high-strung and crazy as the rest of you. Zuko: I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside. She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?
I think what's interesting here is that while Ty Lee saw Mai as recieving the attention Ty Lee had craved, Mai seemed to receive less loving, parental attention, and more scrutiny. Mai's parents also seem to be actually rather neglectful emotionally towards Mai and them just leaving Tom Tom unsupervised behind a screen in Omashu leaves me questioning if they actually cared that much.
Mai deflects, not adressing Ty Lee's question, but rather focusing on the nebulous concept of auras instead. When Zuko butts in, trying to rile her up, Mai gives a sarcastic apology. I find it very interesting that she sets hereself so aside from the others in terms of her not being "high strung and crazy", because it really shows the difference in Mai's upbringing and that of her companions. Azula and Zuko were raised to be leaders and fighters, and their "firebender instincts" were encouraged, while Ty Lee persumably had to compete for attention with her siblings. While Mai was raised with the :be seen and not heard" mentality.
Now is also a good time to mention that I think Mai has almost comically obvious signs of depression, which wouldn't be a stretch.
Zuko calling Mai out for not getting angry over Ty Lee insulting her aura leads me to my next point. Persumably, being a child raised by parents like Michi and Ukano, Mai wasn't allowed to voice her discomfort, offence or upset. Hell we see this in Omashu when Mai complains about being bored and Michi basically shuts her down and tells her to enjoy it.
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I mean look at the expression Michi gives Mai when she starts complaining about being bored, a very normal teenager thing to do.
And when Mai finally does speak her mind, it is no less heartwrenching.
Mai : What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted... as long as I behaved and sat still, and didn't speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about.
The first thing that jumps out at us is how Mai presents her trauma. She doesn't explicitly express any pain or sadness, despite it being rather obvious to us. This is in stark contrast to the rest of the group. Ty Lee and Zuko are both very open about their negative emotions, hell, even Azula admits that Ursa's actions hurt her.
But Mai? Mai kneecaps her complaint. This can also be seen as an effect of her upbringing. No complaining, no making herself inconvenient for mom and dad.
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We also see the theme of conditional love, an implied idea that Michi and Ukano would only give Mai affection or gifts if she acted the way they wanted her to. Now conditional love from people who are meant to raise you will fuck you up.
The comics also add that Michi actively told Mai scary stories about the Kemurimage to keep her in line. Now, telling kids stories about magical beings to get them to behave isn't anything new, but it appears to be so bad that Mai had nightmares over it. Also we're in a world where spirits actually exist, evil chidnapper spirits don't seem too far out the realm of possibility.
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Also as someone who got raised by a heavily Catholic mother who made me believe I would burn in hell for an eternity if I even mildly displeased her, I do sympathise
Azula: Well, that's it, then. You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations, and if you strayed from them, you were shut down. That's why you're afraid to care about anything, and why you can't express yourself. Mai : You want me to express myself? [Stands up and yells.] Leave me alone! Zuko: I like it when you express yourself. [Approaching, attempting to put a hand on her shoulder.] Mai : Don't touch me! I'm still mad at you. Zuko: My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai. Mai: Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting.
I love when Mai yells at Azula for frying to psychoanalyse her. Like Azula was right, but it understandably upset Mai, and it's a good thing she expressed that. It means she's growing.
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I also do adore that Mai does not let Zuko get away with acting out, particularly towards her. I like that the writer's didn't just have Mai give Zuko a free pass because he had a shitty life and she actively called him out on his actions. It's probably my favourite part of their relationship. And Mai expressing so much anger and upset is a perfect crescendo to her little scene.
I don't know why but Mai confession scene just holds so much weight and emotion for me, I can't help but feel something whenever I watch it.
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Also, side note, I find it an interesting detail that Azula's confession only came after the fire was extinguished. Perhaps it wasn't intentional but it kinda feels like its symbolising that the light "went out" for Azula (at least narrativewise) and that while Zuko, Ty Lee and Mai would be able to get out of their shitty situations and from under the Fire Nation's influence, she would not.
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the-world-of-nai · 6 months ago
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pick a sign; a message you need to hear right now✧.*
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pile 1 -> pile 2 pile 3 -> pile 4
I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THE SONG OF YOUR PILE BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY SPOT ON THIS TIME AROUND!!
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pile one
you have a strong energy. some of you could be in a situationship/friends w benefits, or entering one soon. you are someone who takes pride in their appearance. you could also be popular or have some level of fame. if that is not the current case, then it is coming in the near future. it's advised that you have more fun in life. dream more, think bigger, and have more fun. i see that you may have some mental fog right now because you overthink things quite a bit. you may feel like you are not smart, or do not make smart decisions. i advise you to get rid of this insecurity. go out and party with your friends. focus on your healing. focus on the dreams and hopes you had as a child. they will guide you.
zodiac: aquarius, leo
song: basics - twice
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pile two
you are in a stable, self-focused energy. i see you have been building up your wealth. either your investments have paid off and you are now rich, or that is coming in the near future. it is advised that you do not make any sudden decisions at this time. resist the urge to be impulsive. take plenty of time to rest, relax, recharge and better understand your own emotions. emotional stability is highlighted here. i see this pile has been working on themselves. money is coming in like crazy. and what's more is a twin flame relationship. if you are already with someone, i see this person could be the one. if you are single, get ready for someone coming in very soon. continue to stay in this emotionally mature, self-nurturing energy and you will attract great things in your life!
zodiac: pisces, gemini
song: radio - lana del rey
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pile three
wow.. the energy of this pile is heartbreaking. i am sorry for whatever it is that you are going through. i see some of you could be going through a breakup, conflict with loved ones, etc. lots of conflict here. i am seeing something about divorce, so some of you may be divorced or your parents have just been divorced. i see that you may be depressed, extremely sad and heartbroken. if that is the case, i am so sorry. you may be feeling stuck in life and like you do not know how to move forward. spirit is saying that the troubles in your life stem from those around you. they are causing you grief and anxiety. it is advised that you direct all of your energy into yourself, your career and creative hobbies. take advantage of this loneliness by becoming the person you always dreamed of being. keep the faith, keep your head held high. it may help you to delve deeper into spirituality at this time. this is just a bad chapter, things WILL get better so DO NOT GIVE UP!
zodiac: taurus, pisces, aquarius, leo
song: epiphany - bts
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pile four
you may be in denial of something in your life right now. i see that you are the type of person who will lie to yourself about your current situation so that you can avoid making the necessary changes. you are either in a toxic relationship, or you are a toxic individual. toxic individual can mean many things, but in this case i am getting that you exhibit self destructive and toxic behaviors, yet you do not change them. you may lie to other people often, you may smoke a lot or sleep around a lot too. you could be this way because of a significant relationship in your life that came to an end. you may be the type of person who enjoys conflict in relationships because that is normal to you. it is advised that you address these patterns and heal them if you want to be truly happy in this lifetime.
zodiac: capricorn, taurus, gemini, libra, aquarius
song: love foolish - twice
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cupidlovesastro · 1 year ago
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𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 + 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒖𝒆
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aries- there could be a lot of anger when people with this placement argues, even if they're not angry, they sound angry. when you express your frustrations through words, you could be very confrontational. also, there could be many cuss words lol. another thing i can see with someone with this placement is that they can catch an attitude pretty easily. they're also very quick with responses and comebacks. they could be the type to lead the argument and also being impulsive with their words. sometimes this can really hurt others or you, by damaging relationships with your words. you may also make decisions on a whim
taurus- you could start off calm, then gradually get more aggressive. these individuals may not worry about getting the last word, or being the most argumentative, but they care about being truthful. they also could speak slower, regardless of wether they’re arguing or not. they take their time with what they’re saying, and the need a minute to process their thoughts. also, even if they are really understanding of what you’re saying, they could come off as stubborn. when they stating their point, they could just seem like they are not listening even when they are. they also can make better listeners than speakers, but it’s hard to make them change their mind
gemini- when these individuals argue they could use smarter words or bigger words to prove their point. they could also take it very unserious lol. they may not necessarily find the argument funny, but they try to be lighthearted. also, they are quick with their words and thought process. they bounce off words very easily, and they often have a lot to say. they want to argue with logic, not their emotions, and they’re going to tell you the logical side of things. they may be a little childish about things, or not take it as seriously as you would hope, and their words could also be persuasive
cancer- there could definitely be a lot of emotions behind what they say, and everything they say may not be logical. their way with words could definitely persuade you though. when they argue, they could get emotional, or at least sound like they are getting emotional. there could also be points that they forget to mention because they left it in their subconscious mind. it’s hard for them to make decisions without it being emotion based. also, they could come off as emotionally manipulative, even if they’re not trying to be. they are good at expressing empathy and sympathy though
leo- there’s a lot of passion when these people argue. they can have a naturally loud voice, but when they are arguing it can definitely get louder. also they can take control of the argument, like they’re the one who’s controlling which way the argument goes if that makes sense. they can also be quite bold with what they say, wether is be bold in the sense that you never expected them to say that or bold as in they are confrontational. they could also have a lot of emotion in their voice, and a powerful voice at that.
virgo- these individuals want to argue with logic and logic only. they don’t really care to get into the emotional side, maybe after the argument is done, but not during. they have an organized way of bringing up information as well. for example, if the argument is about multiple things that bother them, they might go through the list in chronological order, instead of just saying anything. i could also see that these individuals may ramble. their voice could also be nonchalant, even if they aren’t feeling nonchalant. these people could also really not enjoy arguing, but they will if they have to
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libra- these people want the argument to be balanced, and lead to peace. they don’t want to argue or start conflict, without there being some kind of resolution. they want to be heard just as much as they would like to listen to the other side of the argument. their voice could be in a calm tone, and they could also have a lot to say. they might even try to charm their way out of the issue lol. i can also see that some people with this placement might have a difficult time seeing another persons point of view if they have other placements that could influence that.
scorpio- their words could hold a lot of meaning to you, like their words could make or break someone if that makes sense. when these people argue it can get destructive fast. they can go from being fine to saying words that cut deep. these individuals may not say everything that’s on their mind and they could honestly keep a lot of things to their self, but when they snap, they can snap hard. i could also see that, people with this placement could get emotional, maybe not easily or maybe they won’t express it at first, but they feel things deep. also, they may know exactly what your going to say next because they’re readers, like body linguistics lol. they’re also intuitive and they will be very hurt or upset if you lie to them
sagittarius- talk about the king/queen of arguing. they literally represent the higher mind, law, debate, education, learning, etc. they are bringing facts and nothing but facts. it’s hard to change a sagittarius mercury’s mind once it’s been made. they could get very passionate and start talking boldly and loudly which can make them come off angrily, although they may not be. they could also be impulsive with the things they do or say. they are also optimistic people, they could take arguments as a learning experience instead of something to regret. this could also be hard to express though, as sagittarius and gemini (gemini is ruled by mercury) are opposites. so, this may not be the most comfortable placement
capricorn- these people are quite serious when they argue, nothing is a laughing matter to them. they also may struggle with speaking their mind, and they could be more of the listening type than the arguing type. these people could also ramble quite a bit before getting to the point. they restrict their selves from saying what they have to say, but once it’s out it’s out. there could be a difficulty expressing what they’re genuinely feeling during the argument. they don’t care to be loud, they would like to be heard when speaking though. their voices can go from soft to assertive as well. i can see that they may also use words that are exactly what they mean, despite them struggling to communicate their thoughts
aquarius- individuals with this placements could be hard to read while arguing. they may be detached, distant, and unexpressive with their demeanor. when arguing, they could be quiet at first, but have a lot to say. the words they use could also be long, or big, or even words that are rarely used. if they don’t tell you how they feel now, they could tell you through text or calls. the way they would like to navigate the argument though, is through finding a solution, and it may be creative in some way. like something you would’ve never thought of. what they say or the way they react may also be unpredictable. maybe you didn’t expect them to snap, or even get a little emotional
pisces- these people could have many things that will not be said. they don’t enjoy arguing and confrontation, for the main reason being that they empathize and can be susceptible to agreeing even if they really don’t. these individuals could want to cry quite fast, or at least get emotional fast. they may get angry, but if they do it will be expressed passive aggressively. there could be things they might forget to mention, mainly because it’s on in this unconscious or subconscious mind. they may also be secretive, when you don’t expect it, they could tell you something that you didn’t know they knew. they’re also intuitive so they could know when you are lying or at least not telling the full truth. when expressing their thoughts though, their emotions are pretty clear
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alfascorpiionux · 3 months ago
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How to recognise the placements | Sun, Moon Edition ~ part 1
Sagittarius Sun: people who exude friendliness, are talkative, open minded, but also stubborn with their ideas. They can get mad about small things but usually don’t hold onto anger. Probably interested in some kind of sport or multiple. Talk freely about things many would shy away from: sexual experiences, family problems etc. Can be forgetful at times or overly insistent with their idea, blunt. They are pretty realistic people, with feet planted on the ground.
Some of the friendliest people you can find overall.
Gemini Sun: friendly, talkative but a little distant emotionally. Super smart, maybe a little nerdy. Interested in technology, new discoveries. May seem a little shallow or uncommitted.
Overall a great conversationalist with a wide range of interests.
Probably many acquaintances and/or friends (depending on other placements).
Could be quarrelsome or on the contrary resort to passive-aggressiveness. Very attuned to social dynamics in general.
As other air signs, he/she can seem a little detached from reality at times, with “his/her head in the clouds”.
Values friendships a great deal.
Aries Sun: changing when it comes to communication, sometimes talkative other times lost in their own world. Generous to people close to them; could be sort of mean/blunt with strangers. Explosive outbursts when angered. Could have a hard time admitting when they are wrong; sort of bossy at times; very hardworking and self-motivated people who always provide for people close to them and are dynamic and creative communicators with a special kind of charisma that draws people in.
True to their word, but impatient people. Could be passive-agressive about the most unusual things.
Words of affirmation is one of their love language. They like giving and receiving gifts too.
Aquarius Sun: can feel like a stranger in their own skin. They are super smart, individualistic and friendly people who have a really difficult time fitting in. They somehow always feel like the odd one and could at times push away people without really meaning to. They value friendships a great deal and would do almost anything for a close friend. They are super loyal at time to the wrong people. Compassionate, unique and insightful are words that would describe them well. They think outside the box and like being objective in communication. They can be sensitive in close relationships and people could take advantage of their kindness because they tend to ignore their problems and not always speak up when they need to. In fact when they do people always look at them strangely and give them the side eye. They can feel awkward about they way the speak and/or their personality in general. Could have trouble communicating their ideas and needs especially when young.
Libra Moon: these people will always be kind and polite in public, even when they’re seething inside. Have a sense of style and broad outlook on life, relationships. They like being liked even if that means not truly revealing themselves or keeping their anger hidden. They can be huge gossips at times and usually compare themselves to the people around them a lot or at least pay great attention to those around them, sometimes to a fault. They can falsely interpret people’s words/intentions at times. Wide circle of acquaintances is likely. Could be talkative or not. Quite idealistic in love.
Could have problems with passive-aggressiveness or fear of conflict.
Could be musically talented or love dressing up, decorating their home nicely.
Capricorn Moon: private, pragmatic, reliable people. They likely don’t talk about their private lives, not to just anyone and could take secrets to the grave. They are true to their words and constant in their actions. Could fear showing vulnerability and prefer keeping their emotions in check and solving their problems by themselves. They are always making plans, setting goals for themselves and like being productive. They cannot just sit still and do nothing all day.
Very hardworking and ambitious, sometimes to their detriment.
Very patient and calm in face of adversity.
Sagittarius Moon: it’s not that easy to recognise and it can go very different ways. They are people who love being active and hate feeling cooped up in any shape or form (of course this could mean commitment phobia too). Adventurous, love trying out new activities. Travelling is likely on their agenda as well. Highly philosophical and righteous people, at times egocentric. Friendly, talkative but not necessarily emotionally open. Very individualistic. It could take a while to really get to know them. Very curious people who love learning new things and expending their horizons in every way. Sometimes they can be emotionally unstable/have anger issues especially when feeling restricted in their activities.
Overall very optimistic and friendly people to have around who will surprise you with their questions and their special outlook on life.
Pisces Moon: have a truly charming aura that draws people in. They are kind, sensitive people who are somewhat introverted. They need their alone time and are likely musically talented. People want to get to know them but it’s not always easy. They can be a little changing in friendships or just ignore their friends altogether, especially when they fall in love. Many crushes are possible. They are idealistic in love. Very tolerant but also sensitive, they really absorb the energies of those around them. Could exhibit selfish behaviour as a manner of self-protection when feeling overwhelmed with life. Could be flacky with appointments and is rather moody. Emotional yet private, could keep secrets for a long time if he/she wanted to.
Likely loves being in nature and/or animals.
Aries Moon: very present and emotionally intense. Explosive outbursts when angered but usually they don’t last long. Doesn’t really hold grudges. Very active and curious. A little blunt in communication and doesn’t always notices subtleties. Steadfast and loyal especially to the people he/she loves. Very expressive emotionally (depending on the Moon’s position) and could have a hard time lying because their emotions are literally written on their face when they speak.
Likes making friends and talking to new people. Generous person.
Aquarius Moon: very tolerant, diplomatic and intelligent communicators. Very individualistic much like the Sagittarius Moon and needs their space in relationships. If the Sun is in Libra/Gemini it could lead to the person becoming very popular in their community.
Probably has many friends and is very intellectually curious and compassionate.
At times he/she could feel like an odd duck even when surrounded by likeminded individuals.
Creative, insightful but a little rigid in their beliefs. Could get offended if you press the right buttons but is not necessarily argumentative. Very loyal in friendships though it takes some time to really get to know them. They like being objective and not express their emotions as freely as other placements. They can be stubborn and unpredictable at times and definitely have a temper.
Leo Moon: loves attention and praise and adores being in the spotlight. Very warm, loyal and kind friend who’d always go the extra mile for you. Fiercely protective, especially of their close ones. Creative, passionate, a little dramatic, they’ll always have their way in the end. Creative, confident and charismatic individuals who draw people in. Likely very stylish.
Could become somewhat egocentric and shallow in relationships and loves being right.
Virgo Moon: is perfectionistic, detail-oriented and critical both of others and themselves. They like planning ahead and are constant and pragmatic in pursuing their goals. They can read into other’s intentions and can at times find faults when their is none. They like analysing themselves and others people. Are likely very health-oriented and conscientious people. Reliable, stable and good-natured are words that describe them well.
Scorpio Moon: very intense, loyal and highly serious about personal relationships. They know the value of a given world and can get really pissed off by dishonest, flaky people. They cannot but live their emotions deeply and they’ve likely have gone trough some really heavy, possibly traumatising experiences in the past that have shaped their current emotional world. They are the “ride-or-die” kind of people and it takes a really long time to gain their trust as they are typically quite distrustful of others, especially in the beginning. But if you’ve managed, they will never ever abandon you and would bring you the stars in the sky if they could to make you happy. They will listen to your problems and become your biggest confidant and friend. Be careful not to betray their trust, though. They aren’t known to be the most forgiving people.
Cancer Moon: very loyal, caring and kind but also private people. They would do anything for a family member and can be fierce and sassy when angered, contrary to what others may think. They are organised and rather methodical people but also sensitive, emotional and very in tune with what others are feeling. Can make extremely loyal and trustworthy friends.
At times they can be shy and secretive and don’t exactly like conflict. They could hold onto grudges as well, if someone really upset them.
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