#really i feel like some of these people are just shadowboxing the IDEA of 'all queer stories are sanitized' but only know like two examples

[yoshifawful64]

honestly i'm a little, i don't know, unsettled? by how many people seem to hate heartstopper for… what, being too "wholesome"? like yeah it's maybe not god's gift to queer fiction or whatever, but it shouldn't need to be some subversive masterpiece to justify its existence. and it's not like it's free of conflict or anything either, there's still more serious plot points in there too

[quigzahhutt]

📓 :3c

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about

YIPPEE I HAVE SOO MUCH TO SAY. I hope u like threesomes and sargebon bcuz this is just. a whole lot of that :)

SO. for the longest time I've been so hooked on the idea of Alex and Lily coaxing Logan into a very tender and deeply caring relationship, but Logan misreading their advances as just playful flirting or like attempts at just a threesome. which he's totally fine with because, well, they're both really hot if Logan is being honest with himself (especially if like. Logan isn't quite sure how he feels about men; he knows he likes women for sure, and men are similar but just to a lesser degree- the idea of dating another man doesn't quite revolt him as much his buddies back home seem to feel. also, Alex is the first man Logan is interested in actually dating, not just fooling around with, which is a little startling for him)

I imagine like... Alex constantlyyyy flirts with Logan and of course, Logan just passes it up as Alex's humor, a brittle attempt at making their workplace environment a little less downtrodden, less like a burden and more like something to look forward to. because Logan does look forward to it. working with Alex is fun, and it's nice to actually feel like someone in Williams cares about him, desires him enough to express it even if it is just a joke half the time (most of the time)

but then Alex's advances start feeling a little too.. touchy, and Logan, being the ridiculously and nauseatingly considerate person he is, begins feeling a little concerned because, does Lily know this is going on? does Lily know that her boyfriend is actively flirting with another man? does Lily know that her boyfriend is staring at him from across the room like he wants to pin Logan to the wall like a butterfly in a shadowbox? it's just a lot of feelings and while Logan is pleased to have so much of Alex's attention on him, he's really concerned for Lily

so, Logan decides that he doesn't think it's the right thing to do to just text Lily about it (+ he doesn't even have her phone number so) bcuz he has like. a weird complex about texting the girlfriend of the guy who's been lowkey trying to get into his pants for a few months so. anyways. fast forward and it's a race weekend and Lily is there, and so Logan is like "oh perfect I can tell her about Alex acting weird and everything will go back to normal and I'll stop feeling this weird feeling in my chest!" plot twist. Lily actually finds Logan first so she can ask him to dinner that night with Alex to this nice restaurant! (the one that Alex actually brought up in that one episode of team torque, the one that he said that Lily said "Logan would like that place" wink wink) and Logan, of course, is cornered by this beautiful woman who is asking him to go out with her and her equally beautiful boyfriend who Logan has lowkey been lusting after for weeks. and the feeling in his chest doesn't go away

SO. Logan somehow ends up at this nice restaurant, all dressed up, sitting at a table with two also very dressed up people who happen to be a) very attractive and b) dating. and Logan kind of wants to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night bcuz he feels strangely like a third wheel while also feeling like the two of them are trying to crawl into his skin. they keep looking at him all soft and expecting, and Lily keeps slipping her hand on his thigh underneath the table, and Logan is wondering if Alex is aware of it, and now he's feeling stuck because he thought that Alex was maybe trying to cheat on Lily, but now Lily is the one acting like a hound with her hands feeling all too hot against Logan's thigh

by the time Logan works up the courage to excuse himself to the bathroom, Alex beats him to the punch and excuses himself first, which is like a big 'ah shit' moment because is it weird to go to the bathroom at the same time? and also it would probably be in bad form to leave a woman at a table alone when you're out together, right? and also this gives Logan the opportunity to talk to Lily about how Alex has been acting; so Logan swallows the beehive in his throat and turns to Lily all like "hey by the way your boyfriend has been persistently flirting with me and touching my ass and looking at me like he wants to kiss me and coddle me and turn me into a bowl of sticky rice and that he then wants to eat" all in one breath and Lily can't help but laugh, and it leaves Logan feeling really silly

and she of course leaves her hand on his thigh, and then bats her eyelashes before confirming that, yes, she's aware that her boyfriend is flirting with him, and then also confirms something doubly insane; she's the one orchestrating most of it. then Logan learns that while, yes, Alex has a big fat crush on him, Lily is also pretty interested.

at first, Logan feels really dumb, but he also feels confused, because it sounds like they both want something really complex from him, but there's no way that they actually want to date him, right? they're just in it for a threesome. right?

and then oops, Logan verbalizes all that, but this time, Lily doesn't laugh, and she instead moves her hand from his thigh up to his bicep, and the look in her eyes is all too serious when she says that they don't just want him for a good fuck. they dont even know if Logan is a good fuck at all, but they do know that they're insanely interested and that Alex has been wanting Logan in a very Not Normal way for a loooong time and Lily finds Logan horribly endearing (+ it would be nice to have another American to help her team up on Alex every now and again) and so. the offer is on the table

and then the night goes on, and Logan simultaneously feels wayyy more relaxed but also like he has ice cubes in his pants which are melting. currently. and very fast. and then he goes to bed that night and he can't stop thinking about their proposal the entire time that he's trying to fall asleep. and then he can't stop thinking about it when he wakes up, and then the day after, and the day after that. and it becomes a whole thing that Logan is having an increasingly hard time dealing with on his own

and then. 2024 happens, and it continues to happen, and then Logan gets fired. and he doesn't have any idea what to do other than to show up at Alex's door on the night he gets the news, and Alex has no idea, but when he gets an arm full of Logan, he doesn't say anything. he doesn't comment on the bags under Logan's eyes or the lingering, tacky layer of sweat all over his body because he couldn't bring himself to shower after being cleared from medical. and when Logan tells him, he can feel Alex's entire body tense up at the news, like he was just thwacked hard with a whip across the small of his back

and then it's kind of weird after that. Alex goes to see Logan immediately after the race as quickly as he can, but unfortunately he can't stay long, and so he gives Logan Lily's phone number and tells him to give her a call, that it'll help to have someone to talk to who hasn't been through something so painfully similar before, and then Alex leaves. and Logan calls Lily as soon as he boards his plane to Florida

and then it just turns into a thing, sort of. the two of them talk, and Alex is there sometimes in bed with her, or just generally around, ruminating in their shared hotel room all the while Logan lies in his own bed, shirtless and vacant but feeling a little less empty than before

and then when his friends ask who hes talking to, he shrugs, because even he doesn't really know. is Lily his friend? a strange sort of therapist? his girlfriend? the last one puts a lot of knots in Logan's chest, knots that he can't untangle right now, and so when people ask, he just says 'a friend'. which still doesn't feel quite right but it's better than telling them 'my ex teammates girlfriend of 6 years who I've been talking to almost every hour of the day since I was fired'. that would sound really bad

but then he kind of starts thinking about it, especially when Lily sits on FaceTime in nothing but her bra and a lazy pair of athletic shorts as they chat, or when Alex answers her phone instead, obviously still in bed and shirtless and Logan can hear the shower running in the other room. Logan lets himself think about what they might've been doing, or what they might have not been doing, and it doesn't freak him out as much as he thought it might would, or how much he thinks it should

and so he brings it up. reminds them of the idea of dating, even if it is long distance, and Alex snorts because 'great, balancing a long distance girlfriend wasn't enough, I definitely need a long distance boyfriend, too' and it makes Logan snort and roll his eyes, and everything feels really natural and good and nothing like how it all did a few months ago, back at the restaurant when Logan felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue

and then that's it. they talk whenever they can, and Alex starts telling him about all the embarrassing things Lily does, and Lily in turn does it for Alex, and Logan can't help but laugh because he already knew about most of the things that Alex does, and Lily cracks a joke about them already dating behind her back, and that she should've heeded Logan's warning all those months ago, and it's good

Logan starts telling his friends that he's talking to his girlfriend whenever they ask, and his boyfriend whenever they ask again, and he deals with the funny looks and the questions, and its not nearly as horrible as he thought it would be

and that's the plotline that has been eating away at me since. May. MAY. and the primary reason I haven't written it is just that like... long fics are so hard for me and I just know I'd get burnt out, and that would lead to a whole lot of grief about failing and yadda yadda, but I'm glad I could finally yap about it :)

[elodieunderglass]

Little Yellow Bastards! They aren’t all dandelions, but people read them as such, enough that this image unlocked a deep and ancient well of rage in me.

I have a whole ESSAY inside of me about the unpalatability of dandelions and the Great Crunchy Conspiracy about this. This little fun fact, “you can eat dandelions 😇” , repeated without elaboration, has bothered me since I was 9 YEARS OLD. I have only ever read one article brave enough to tackle this conspiracy, which really addresses how dandelions aren’t particularly edible, and the elaborate steps you need to take to make them so. I have THEORIES AND HOMEWORK TO GIVE YOU ABOUT THIS TOPIC. but everyone else, apart from me and this one brave foraging guy in a magazine, just mechanically repeats the idea that dandelions are yummy, and you should absolutely rip them up and eat them right now. Raw, apparently! From the concrete sidewalk! As if that isn’t a deranged thing to encourage even if it was delicious (which it won’t be.)

Anyway!! Looking at this picture, which includes a strain of plants called “false dandelions,” as well as some toxic plants, it just goes to show how dumb this advice is. It is is absurd how people keep on repeating this ✨✨fun dandelion fact✨✨ without disclaimers/qualifiers/instructions. Do you think the general public can look at Little Yellow Bastards with serrated leaves and tell which ones taste like lettuce, and which ones have RECENTLY KILLED PEOPLE? Can the average Joe look at these picture and sort with confidence the dandelions from the not-dandelions? I’m not actually that convinced. I’ve met the public. The public are absolutely reading those little instagram posts and sidebars in Natural Parenting magazine, they are absolutely snacking on slightly toxic weeds, and feeling guilty for not liking them, and keeping their true feelings a secret.

GOD so much of crunchy politics is just sentimental SHADOWBOXING with our own REFLECTIONS and nothing to do with actual plants!! I like dandelions but they’re pissing me off lately !!!

(A hilarious joke, they’re a diuretic with the English folk name of piss-the-bed.)

(It’s coltsfoot that’s killed people.)

[hoursofreading]

Elizabeth Yeah, I have children, five and seven. And I remember on maternity leave being like, why are there no, why are there no books? Why is there no, why does this not show up in all the novels I love? This powerful mystical life changing experience is like – seems to be intentionally excised from the great body of art, about the human experience. And all the books are like ‘how to’ books, there’s very few women reflecting on the kind of philosophical, philosophical and existential elements. I feel like that’s changed even in the last five or 10 years. Do you see it kind of becoming more visible? Louise Yes. Although my only complaint on that is there have been lots more books on motherhood, and I’m really welcoming them. My only complaint is it still so often gets framed as a struggle and a burden. Which obviously it is. That is obviously one component of it. But it’s, I think the joys of it are quite rarely acknowledged. Yeah. I guess because often writers feel as though they’re sort of shadowboxing with this old enemy of the angel in the home. And this idea that we’re all supposed to be sort of these, like, joyous domestic goddess. Yeah, but I don’t feel like that’s been the dominant narrative for a very long time. That’s certainly not what – I grew up with this idea that, you know, it was always assumed that, that women would have careers and would you know, if anything, it’s motherhood that’s sort of the dirty secret now, in a sense, and once you encounter it, you think, oh, gosh, this changes everything. Elizabeth Yeah, it’s a very…this is, this is very niche but my husband’s a philosopher, and the metaphysics of pregnancy are very hot in philosophy right now. Very contested. What you decide is happening metaphysically in pregnancy has all kinds of political implications. But… Louise It absolutely does because the pregnant woman is not one person, right? She is two people in a sense Elizabeth Well that’s what’s contested. Louise Exactly yeah, yeah. And it’s, it’s, it’s basically impossible to square with individualism. So as soon as motherhood collides with individualism, and I think, and I write about this in my book that, in some senses, what’s happened is that feminists correctly recognise the fact that individualism and motherhood are at odds with one another. And they said, right down with motherhood, then, and I say no – down with individualism. Elizabeth Yeah. And you are living it right now, for the last six months. What – have some of your assumptions been changed? What surprised you I guess? Louise I want to be with my baby more than I thought I would and more than I was told I would generally – not told specifically by the people around me, but sort of told by the culture. I had no idea how insane it was to think of putting a very small baby in daycare. And the fact that there are so many women who are forced to do that, particularly in America, where they don’t have maternity leave, it’d never occurred to me before that that was, how much of a wrench that is, for women, as well as for babies. And how different it is being a mother from being a father. I had a friend actually recently, who – we were talking about, she’s on the fence about whether or not she wants to have children. And she’s reflecting, she says, I definitely want to be a father. But I don’t know if I want to be a mother. And I thought that was such a such a beautiful way of framing it because – it’s totally different. It’s totally different. And motherhood, just there’s an asymmetry to it that you just cannot surmount, right? You can try and surmount it by things like formula and daycare and you know, like there are strategies that can that you can kind of use but you’re always sort of kidding yourself. Like it is just it is a totally different experience for the woman and always will be.

Louise Perry on motherhood, consent and the case against the sexual revolution - Theos Think Tank - Understanding faith. Enriching society.

[artbyblastweave]

So there’s this thing in superhero stories where (due to the anthropic principle) all the superheroes have useful and combat-viable powers. Otherwise the story would be boring. A lot of post-modern cape things try to justify this high level of uniform competence and power by advancing the practical (but really boring!) idea that there’s a wider bell-curve of superhuman power within the setting, where the principle cast is near the top, and that the vast majority of superpowered people just have incredibly weak, dumb or even self-destructive powers. BNHA, X-Men, Wild Cards, and The Boys all play with this to a degree. It is often framed as a “realistic” take on powers, although what’s actually happening is that it just maps to the familiar real-world idea of talent being on a curve. Superpowers work any goddamn way the writer wants them to.

Now, sometimes it works with the narrative. For X-Men, the idea that the vast majority of mutants are essentially people with weird skin conditions or chronic medical conditions or whatever, carries an enormous amount of water for the “oppressed minority” metaphor. And in The Boys, the fact that a ton of people who take watered-down compound V wind up with “powers” like an exploding head or eye beams that melt the users own eyes is thematically on point, because the whole goddamn series is about how corporations will throw countless people into a meat grinder in order to get a handful of shining idols they can market to hell and gone.

 But a lot of the time, the “useless power” trope and the “lol so random” power tropes are just kind of annoying for me. Like, if you’re infected with an alien virus that gives people superpowers, and you get the superpower to change the color of wallpaper, fuck you! Whatever gave you powers has a coherent understanding of the concepts of “color” and “wallpaper” and “change,” a better power was absolutely conceptually possible here! It feels, I dunno, contrarian, almost!

And now, as with so many of these posts, we come to something I love about Worm. Worm doesn’t do this! There are no useless powers. Every single Power is in some way viable in a fight! If a power doesn’t seem particularly useful, one of four things is going on. Either the power is explicitly broken (Oliver) the cape hasn’t figured out the intended expression of their power (Parian, Jack, Kid Win, Bakuda via Word of God ), the cape is sitting on an utterly terrifying intended expression of their power (Regent, Parian, Panacea, Crucible, Egg) or the power itself is more of a resource thrown into the mix to start a fight (Dinah, many many Tinkers and Thinkers.)

A super common trope with “Useless Powers” is the use finding some off-the-wall niche application, which lets the character with the useless power “cheat” and hit above their station by being really clever, thus Showing Them All. Which feels a little contrived when the “random” power is so specifically useless only by authorial fiat. Not a problem with Worm! In the handful of situations where the characters do  find that niche application, their ability to do so was baked into the setting’s cosmology, and their previous failure to do so reflects on their character and their mindset and is, like, actively additive (thinking of Kid Win here in particular.) Feels a lot less like the author is shadowboxing, I guess?

Edit: I miscited the Bakuda bit. Ignore that

[adobe-outdesign]

So, what's your opinion on Marshadow? Ngl he has always kind of reminded me of Bendy.

I couldn't place what Marshadow reminded me of until someone mentioned it looks like Espurr, and yeah, that's exactly it. Part of me feels like they never thought Espurr would be as popular as it was when it released and they regretted not giving it more focus, so they made Marshadow here to try and capitalize on that somewhat, though of course I could be completely wrong.

Anyway, that aside, Marshadow is pretty good. What's nice about the design is that it's simple and easy to understand, not plagued down with way too many details like a lot of mythicals/legendaries are.

In particular, the monocromatic look is fitting for a Pokemon based around shadows, and really makes the thousand-yard-stare pop; this is further helped by the helmet shape, which further draws emphasis to them. The wispiness is a good reflection of the ghost typing, and I'm not sure what those things are above the eyes but dang if they don't work.

With all of that said, something about Marshadow feels like it's missing to me, though it's hard to put my finger on. I think it's just that it feels like they could've pushed the concept a little further. Like, the 'dex mostly focuses on it hiding in people's shadows, which is awesome, but all it does it mimic other people and feel their emotions, which doesn't stand out much when there are so many other mythicals/legendaries that do the same thing:

I guess I just expect some of that ghost-type screwed up entry in there or something. Like it steals people's shadows and by extension their fighting spirit or something like that.

And visually, I kind of wish they pushed it even further by actually removing the shaders and making it a solid dark grey, maybe with white outlines. It would really help to re-emphasize the shadow idea visually and would look very distinct from other Pokemon. Not to say that what we got is bad; just that it could've been fleshed out more.

With that said, I'm not big on the Zenith form. I guess it's not bad in theory--a few more wisps, more glow to the eyes, more color--but that green color just really does not work for me. Blue would've at least worked to form primary colors with the yellow and red, and it would've felt more natural against the grey.

And personally, I feel like adding color kind of defeats the shadow idea. If you want to bring something other than grey into the design, I'd just the red and yellow that are already in the design and just apply them to the wisps, mane, and hand while leaving the "helmet" grey. You could even give it red hands, seeing as it seems to be based on shadowboxing. Or perhaps this is where the silhouette idea I mentioned earlier comes into play. Regardless, the point is that this feels like a mostly pointless form that's not nearly as good as the original.

Overall, I think Marshadow's a pretty solid mythical design, with good mythical vibes, a solid color palette, and a neat theme and concept (even if said concept could've been emphasized more). It's just the Zenith form that's a bit of a miss for me.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

we are our family, even if we don’t want to be.

Titans 3.07

a bit over halfway through the season, and we still don’t have all of our main characters on the board! i love this show.

as always, typing this up as i watch. live reaction, baby! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. i don’t think i’ve mentioned this before, but i kinda miss the old ‘dc universe’ intro. it was cool! the whole idea of it was wild and waaaaay over-ambitious, but also very very on-brand because of it.

2. this is... the third time we’ve seen dick sleeping this season? that’s a record! checking another thing off my s3 wishlist...

2.5. i guess i rag on titans all the time for its wafer-thin plotting and bad pacing, but i have to admit that this season has been a step-up from the last one in this regard. titans has very reactive rather than proactive protagonists, and a lot of the last season seemed to be: x happened, the team reacted badly, then y happened, they reacted badly, etc. this time around, it’s not a huge leap up by any means, but at least they’re doing something about it. 

i do appreciate the focus on character arcs over everything else. and when i say everything else, i mean it: arcs that started two seasons ago with no big cathartic moments, intermittent payoff and multiple relapses. big bads have ranged from interdimensional demons to superpowered assassins to whatever in the world scarecrow is, but trigon’s big weapon against the titans was to... use their worst fears against them. slade’s was to... use their fears to break them up. crane’s is to... use red hood to use their fears to break them up. even the threat of gotham’s citizens being in danger doesn’t feel real: gotham is mythologised into an entity of its own, infecting our heroes like a parasite. like. this is not to say that most other superhero media aren’t big character arcs intertwined with the main plot, but titans doesn’t even make pretend that it’s anything but.

anyway. that’s my entry #2345 to ‘give a grand unifying theory for titans’. thanks. i’ll be back with more.

3. “anger is just fear in a little black dress.” god I HATE HIM

(what’s he doing with barbara’s likeness? oh... oh god. a terrible thought just occurred to me. what if they introduce hush at the very last minute for plastic surgery shenanigans? would you put it past this show?)

3.5. jason, nooooooooo

3.75. i mean, they’re making it very clear here that scarecrow is the one in control--the one who’s always been in control--and is manipulating jason and literally poisoning him, but i hope it doesn’t end up erasing nuance or jason’s autonomy. if jason’s to reckon with the issues that brought him here, then the lines of responsibility will need to be set somewhere. 

(this applies to dick as well but more on that later, i guess.)

4. just--the phrase “40% loss of income” is so funny to me. like, gotham is full of these larger-than-life characters who are idiosyncratic beyond belief, colourful and dramatic and creating chaos just for the sake of chaos, and then there’s the regular criminals and their henchmen who just want to make a quick buck sitting down with pie charts and graphs, griping about the joker reducing their returns or debating high risk investments in, i don’t know, two-face’s next scheme.

“yyyyeeeeeaaah, my financial advisor is telling me that going all-in with a guy who literally makes decisions on the flip of a coin is probably not the greatest idea.”

4.5. god i hate smug!smarmy!scarecrow so much

4.85. as big plans to “control” gotham go, it’s pretty bog-standard. clearly scarecrow has some bigger plan in mind but it really feels like we’ve got no clear insight into him and he’s this generic creepy mystery-man who knows more than he lets on and springs a twist/cliffhanger every now and then. i liked the scenes with him and dick in 3.04 where it seemed like he was genuinely on the backfoot and things weren’t going as he predicted. for all of his faults, dick is at least familiar with scarecrow’s bullshit and knows not to give what he wants.

5. i mean... i see where dick is coming from with the “he’s not jason anymore; he’s red hood” because his immediate glaring concern is scarecrow’s drug and the damage it could potentially cause gotham? i do not doubt that it’s something batman drilled into him, too, but when you’re expected to take point on a situation where the lives of an entire city weigh down on your shoulders, it’s better to simplify things and prioritise. i’m not saying it’s great or healthy! gar is absolutely right to consider this facet of the situation. it’s just dick can’t.

6. hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMM. 

i don’t know that i’m super fond of this iteration of oracle???? it looks like a cross between cerebro from x-men and jarvis from iron man. it’s giving me second-hand embarrassment. somebody help me.

(at least they remembered dick’s middle name is actually “john”. i like to think bruce printed D in that contract because for a while he genuinely thought richard “dick” grayson was his full name. duck duck goose, dick dick grayson, i don’t know alfred, the kid was in a circus, maybe they thought it was funny. or maybe it was a test in anger control, who knows.)

6.5 “maybe you two would like some time alone?” even AI can’t help hitting on dick grayson in this universe.

“oh mr grayson, if i only had another eye to see you better...”

6.8. on one hand, it’s a bit disconcerting that the title of ‘oracle’ has gone from barbara herself to this gigantic machine; from my impression of the comics-verse, barbara had an extensive computing and surveillance system, true, but she was very clearly the brains behind the operation. on the other hand, i’m kind of glad that the ethical boundaries that this kind of surveillance violates is a sticking point for barbara. (tho let’s be real, the nsa would kill to have this in their arsenal).

6.9. also it’s now obvious that scarecrow’s big plan is to take control of oracle itself. it’s why he had lady vic take that picture of her eyes, or why he’s meddling around with it on his computer.

6.95. if only i could ‘command sleep’ anybody overstepping their boundaries re: personal information...

7. “you can just sit back and watch as the titans destroy themselves.” i mean... he’s not wrong

8. “dick’s parents were killed by a criminal mob; he won’t work with them.” it’s wonderful that you have this insight into dick, kory, i just wish we could’ve watched some of these conversations actually happen on-screen.

8.5. i’m glad that kom’s being treated with such nuance and understanding, though it’s obvious that she definitely has a Plan of her own. (and did i entirely imagine her ability to mimic other people flawlessly at the end of s2? or is that going to come into play at some point?) i think her story has the potential to be genuinely poignant, and in a universe where being Different, either because of mental health or physical differences or whatever else, leads a straight line to Evil, it’s important to acknowledge and then emphasise that the mere fact of your existence as a Different Person doesn’t predispose you to evil. maybe your act of destroying a system that has destroyed you and not scrambling to “fit in” is only evil as defined by that system. 

8.8. “you’re trespassing, i should call the authorities, i feel unsafe.” now this is a villain lady who’s definitely aware of her privilege.

8.85. kom smirking knowingly at her sister is everything.

“oooh that’s the kory i remember”

9. conner and dick working together woo!

9.25. god i hate a villain who’s always just a step ahead, no matter what. so crane anticipated dick using oracle to track his personal communications and set him up? how did he know when exactly dick would get to do this? how long did he have that poor man tied up in that van?

(the “save me, grayson” is a nice touch, tho. send dick spiralling even further! because if there’s one thing dick will do, it’s take responsibility for every goddamn thing that goes wrong.)

9.5. ahem. i’m going to need a million gifs of conner yeeting dick across that yard, fandom, thankyouverymuch.

(i understand conner is invulnerable to explosions, but how do his clothes survive??)

9.8. oooh crane is already in oracle! i’m just sitting here laughing helplessly because they’re overpowering this goddamned guy so much. he can build a lab in arkham’s basement! he has access to lazarus puddles! he has minions working across gotham, including a fully functional chemical laboratory staffed by chemists who only answer to him! he has the crime families of gotham quailing in his very presence! he has assassins at his beck and call! he’s enough of a manipulative bastard to have red hood under his thumb! and now he has enough of a tech know-how to not only be aware of oracle, but know how to hack into it! i’m sick of exclamation marks! i’ll shut up now!

9.95. dick leaving behind that smouldering grave for a person he failed to save without taking a second to process how he feels about it and running towards his next plan to corner scarecrow: a microcosm of where his head’s at right now.

10. really hammering in the themes of this season, aren’t we. 

10.25. the interesting thing is the titans repeatedly call themselves a family this season (none more so than dick) and while that found family has helped encapsulate and put away their traumatic experiences with their ‘original’ families, it’s meant that they’ve not really dealt with those issues. and dick and gar and jason come from ‘found families’ of their own: they are twice removed, traumatised two times over. they still cling to this identity however, and because of it they’re losing each other. a family isn’t static. it’s an ever-evolving dynamic and you have to put in work constantly to keep it healthy.

10.5. anyway, that’s entry #2346. i’m here aaaalll night.

11. lookit gar the detective! half-transforming and using his powers to deduce things! what a hero! i’ve said this for a long time, but gar is the bedrock of this team, and an unsung one at that.

11.25. i’m confused about him calling this room jason’s though. it seems to me that this is dick’s room that jason later used, and one that dick’s using now. so the unmade bed isn’t really jason’s fault; dick was woken by barbara that morning, and in his hurry, he left without making his bed.

(it still confounds me that bruce didn’t find jason another bedroom in that gigantic mansion of his. you really didn’t give this kid a chance, did you?)

12. oh well. so much for the oracle.

13. ... sorry, wait. you didn’t think i wasn’t going to address the bit with dick right now, did you?

12.5. i honestly don’t think it’s very complicated: dick’s been reeling from one traumatic thing to the next, and just when it seemed like at the beginning of the season, he felt happy and secure with his team and his place in the world, bruce ups and leaves gotham to him, specifically naming him a successor and calling him a ‘better batman’. he’s lost garth and jericho and donna and jason and now hank and dawn. he’s not even sure where rachel is or what she’s doing. after being told that batman was a psychopath for moulding him into a weapon, he’s also been told that his failure to be a ‘better batman’ lead to further disaster. of course he’s going to get batman-goggles. of course he’s going to be a prick. 

12.8. i don’t know what to say. i feel his frustration acutely. i don’t think he should’ve said what he said to barbara (can people stop pushing her around this season????) but that pressure to step in where your parent fails? to clean up their messes and try to think like them? to fall into habits drilled into you when you developed them as coping mechanisms growing up? I FEEL THAT. 

every step he’s taking he’s putting 110% of himself in it and scarecrow’s still playing mindgames with all of them: i absolutely feel his desperation to take control of that game and turn it on scarecrow, no matter what it takes.

and he did apologise almost immediately, and finally--finally--actually works with barbara. 

12.9. again, not excusing him! but i get it. and i think that’s a sign of great character writing.

“did you know i just reminded emmram of all of her daddy issues? what the fuck????”

12.95. i love that dick&barbara, kory&kom, and gar are all approaching solving this mystery from different angles, each as valid as the other. also, conner is there as... emergency bomb defuser man?

13. it’s like all fancy rich people in fancy rich houses do is pour fancy rich alcohol into fancy rich glasses on pristine, untouched tabletops. i wonder what it’s like to live like that.

13.25. I KNEW IT! poor michael. it was nice knowing you.

13.5. man, kory is contending with a lot of issues that she’s successfully bottled up and compartmentalised until now. the cold reality that a child can seek out their parents as refuge and they can view the child as a piece to be moved in a greater game (never out of cruelty, though, never, and somehow that makes it worse), that truth of blackfire’s treatment on tamaran because she’s different, and her own culpability in what happened. she exchanged one family for another, after all, and left that family to die and her sister to suffer. like dick, like gar, kory’s being forced to reckon with what the titans are meant to be, the larger implications of creating their found family in their own space.

14. it’s probably because it’s one in the morning and i’ve had two glasses of wine but i did not follow that bit of exposition at all and victor freeze??? what? 

anyway. look at them solving things! together! go team!

“you made a deal with the mob?” oh the sense of betrayal on his face! fuck off, dick, your issues aren’t kory’s. 

15. conner is really sweet and a bit of an awestruck crush on kom is to be expected. especially after that power rangers-esque transformation (i say this as a former huge power rangers fangirl. i’ve seen every series until 2007 including the original japanese versions and written fanfic for all of them. so i love a cool costume transformation, is what i’m saying.)

also?

FUCK YEAH

16. i love the gotham crime families just chillin’ around eating ice cream. I LOVE THEM

16.5. that was a fun fight sequence, if marred slightly by that bit of awkward flirting between conner and kom. i wonder if she’s really planning to use him in a larger scheme to get kory back to tamaran, or maybe something else. 

16.75. so i’m assuming that scarecrow has jason either so paralysed by fear that he can barely move, or jason’s withdrawing from the drug that he’s been sucking in every few minutes. 

17. it’s nice to see them chill after a successful mission! and it can be awkward, but conner’s crush on kom and him striving to impress her is also, well, uh... cute.

17.5. i guess the dick/barbara scene was inevitable, especially given the... unresolved nature of their relationship in the flashbacks? and they’ve been through a rollercoaster together this episode, discovering and then destroying an incredible tool within a matter of hours, re-discovering just how well they work together as a team. dick’s swimming in the nostalgia. i don’t expect it to last as a long-term relationship, but i totally get why this is happening now. and hey, they’re cute!

i have a weeeirrrrd feeling that kory is going to leave to tamaran at the end of the season and that dick and kory will rekindle--or rather realise--their relationship just before that. it’s going to be devastating and beautiful and painful and i will be writing essays about it which would be me just wailing into the screen.

18. gar found molly!!!!!!! MOLLY’S BACK! \o/ gar is the BEST

19. that was a fun episode! i love this silly show, even if it does destroy me sometimes <3

[sinceileftyoublog]

Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio Interview: Fo Sho

Photo by Francis A Willey

BY JORDAN MAINZER

No album from 2021 so far has me anticipating the return of live music more than Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio’s (DLO3, for the insiders) I Told You So (Colemine Records). The band’s second full-length expands upon their first LP Close But No Cigar in all the best ways: propulsive grooves, soulful moods, and an active imagination. Opener “Hole In One” introduces all the elements--funky, prickly guitar lines, confident drumming, and soulful organ--before first single and second track “Call Your Mom” and third track “Girly Face” reveal a gentler kind of sway without losing any of the sharpness. After “From The Streets” slows things down even more with a lurching rhythm and trailing reverb, the album turns it up a notch again with “Fo Sho” and “Aces”, upbeat struts with guitar and drum solos. In between that and the Stax-inspired closer “I Don’t Know” are perhaps the album’s two best tracks: a remarkably faithful, emotive cover of George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” and “Right Place, Right Time”, a solo-laden jam that begins with spontaneous studio chatter embracing the chaos of live recording. Moreover, the album contains all the elements of and is almost structured like a terrific live set, with ample virtuosic dynamism and ideal pacing.

The band on I Told You So is founding members Lamarr, on organ, and Jimmy James, on guitar, with drummer Grant Schroff (The Polyrhythmics) filling in for what was at the time a permanent drummer to be named later. (Schroff went on a European tour with DLO3 right before the recording of this album, so they decided to go with him.) Since then, drummer Dan Weiss has entered the fold; he joined as a permanent drummer last year and even toured a little bit in Canada and Montana before COVID-19 abruptly ended the tour. But while the drummers have rotated, it’s James’ guitar and especially Lamarr’s organ that have remained the foundation of DLO3, one that gives me confidence they could switch drummers every time and still one-up themselves.

I spoke with Lamarr earlier this year from his home in Spokane, WA about the various releases under the DLO3 belt (two albums and singles/live releases) as well as working virtually with a new drummer, Colemine Records, and Chick Corea (who passed away right before our conversation). Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: What about I Told You So is unique as compared to anything else you’ve ever released under this trio?

Delvon Lamarr: We have more musical influences in I Told You So. The reason why Close But No Cigar felt kind of reserved--we weren’t getting too deep into it--was because it was unplanned. We didn’t even have music to record at the time. But this one features more diverse musical influences of ours. “From The Streets” has that hip hop, Ohio Players feel. “Careless Whisper”--you never hear an an organ trio play that. It digs deeper into our musical knowledge.

SILY: What was the process for composing and arranging these tracks? How much improvisation was there?

DL: It’s like 90% improvisational. Pre-pandemic, we toured a lot, so we hardly ever had a chance to get in a room and write music. Plus, we all live pretty far away from each other. We basically write music during soundchecks, and when we’re on the road, we come up with these ideas and put them together. Usually, we write these melodies, and things like that, but outside of the melody, the solo areas are pretty much gloves off. Whatever happens happens. One of the things we’re known for is intertwining music with other music, different genres of music within the one song. It keeps the music fresh and keeps people engaged. It’s a free for all for most of it. [laughs]

SILY: There’s a good balance on here of songs where everyone has equal weight versus songs really led by one person or instrument. Was it important for you to achieve that balance across the whole album, or did it just end up naturally like that?

DL: It’s just how it ended up. When we write music, we pretty much write grooves. Take “Call Your Mom”: That whole song was built around Jimmy’s guitar riff, so that is the melody. When we wrote that, we actually wrote it on the road during soundcheck. I think it just naturally happens. Whatever instrument we think sounds good, we’ll play that melody.

SILY: Has Dan been learning the tracks?

DL: Oh yeah. We’ve been writing music together. Right now, we multi-track our ideas or sing it into a phone and try to build it that way. A lot of these new tunes we haven’t actually played, because we can’t get in the same room, so we just go for it, man.

SILY: What about “Call Your Mom” and “Careless Whisper” made you want to release them as singles?

DL: That was a decision between my wife [and manager Amy Novo] and Colemine Records. I probably would’ve chosen “Call Your Mom”, too. It has a certain feel and groove to it, man. [laughs] “Careless Whisper” is funny, too, because I wasn’t even gonna record that tune. My wife really likes when we play it--she requests it at the end of shows. She convinced us to record that. I was like, “Nobody wants to hear ‘Careless Whisper’ by an organ trio.” She said, “Dude, just do it, it’s gonna be really good.” We did it, and I was wrong. The reception from that tune has been pretty amazing, actually. I thank her. She’s the reason we recorded it.

SILY: You play a lot of covers live--on the KEXP release, you did “Move On Up”, and last year, you released a cover of “Inner City Blues”. What’s your general approach to covers: Be faithful, or put your own spin on it?

DL: The spin of playing a cover tune just happens naturally. Take “Careless Whisper”: We try to play it like the recording, like the original. I work on phrasing the melodies like George Michael sings it. The way we end up doing that automatically puts a certain feel to it that naturally happens. I feel that way about all of them, even when we do “Move On Up”. I play the melody like Curtis Mayfield sang it. I try to get all of his nuances.

SILY: “Fo Sho” was released on the same single as “Inner City Blues”. Why didn’t you include “Inner City Blues” on the record? Is two covers too many?

DL: Not at all. Close But No Cigar had 4 covers on it.

SILY: That’s true.

DL: We just had a lot of original music we wanted to get out. I Told You So is part of a session that had 27-28 songs recorded. We have another album or two, or an album and a couple 45s worth of music just in that recording alone. We’ve done more recording since then, so we have more music in the can right now. We just wanted to get original tunes out. We did record some more covers that will be out later on, either as 45s or something else.

SILY: The record’s really crisp, but on “From The Streets”, the trailing reverb of the guitar is a hazy contrast to the rest of the album. Can you talk about that track?

DL: The history of that track--basically, I grew up in the streets. I was a rough child. [laughs] I had that music in my head that reminded me of my childhood of running the streets. When we recorded that, you never really hear an organist in an organ trio play a bass line. I don’t play chords in that tune at all. A lot of that magic is Jimmy James. He doesn’t use guitar effects. I actually recently got him to use a wah in a show, and it took him five years to do that. He’s straight guitar and amp. He’s always been that guitar player. That tone, that sound, that reverb is just him and his amp.

SILY: Was that actual studio chatter at the beginning of “Right Place Right Time”?

DL: [laughs] I was wondering when somebody was gonna ask me about that. The song we recorded before, we played the whole thing start to finish, absolutely perfect, without a single flaw. Grant, maybe the last four or five seconds, completely bites it. We were playing, and he forgot to do a break right at the end and kept playing, so it was an unusable take, so he screamed, “Fuuuuuuuuck! Fuuuuuuck!” That’s what we were referencing at the front of it. Jimmy James was like, “Remember that time you were like, ‘Fuuuuuuuuck,’ and then I started copying Jimmy.” It was pretty funny. We listened back to it, and my wife was like, “We gotta leave that in there.”

SILY: Is there an extra guitar on that track?

DL: There is. The guitar player from the Polyrhythmics, Ben Bloom. It’s funny how that worked, because he came to see Jason [Gray], our studio engineer, and I asked him whether he had his guitar with him, and he did, so I said, “Grab it, let’s record something!” He said, “I got about 20 minutes, I gotta be somewhere.” I just started messing around with this bass line, and everything started falling into place. We did two takes of that song. Over about 15 minutes, we wrote that entire song and recorded it. At first, it was just one quick bass line, like a short bass line that I had the idea for, and we started building on it. Ben came in, put his magic on it, and it was a wrap, man. I love that solo, too. It’s dope.

SILY: What’s the story behind the record title?

DL: When our original drummer left the band, people were worried about the sound of Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio, because he had such a distinct style of playing. People assumed we’d sound different. I kept telling people, “As long as the music is good, people are gonna like it. It might feel different, but it’s gonna feel good and sound good.” That’s why I called the album I Told You So. Because it sounds good!

SILY: What about the album art?

DL: People are always wondering what I’m doing on the front of that album. I was shadowboxing--I used to be a boxer in my youth. We were taking photos in Cincinnati, and it was one of the photos everybody liked.

SILY: What does it mean to you to be on a label like Colemine Records, diverse in terms of genres but a wholly old school vibe.

DL: Our relationship is really good. They’re cool cats, man. It’s truly an honor to be a part of what they do. Since we’ve been with that label, I’ve met a lot of the artists on that label. It’s a gift to be a part of what they do. One of the big reasons I really like them is that it’s managed by two brothers that run it who are just normal dudes. They ain’t corporate. I talk to them like we talk to each other. It’s like family. I really respect these guys and what they do. It’s amazing being a part of what they do.

SILY: For sure.

DL: That���s “Fo Sho”. Just kidding.

SILY: Are you planning on doing any live streams or socially distant shows down the line, or are you waiting for things to calm down more?

DL: We’ve done a few live streams so far. We have more coming up. We’re working on some stuff. A lot of the tours we had scheduled last year got rescheduled to this year, so we’re seeing what happens, but right now, we’re still trying to book shows and see if it can be done safely. If it ain’t gonna be safe, we’re not gonna do it. We’re just hanging in there still, trying to keep things on the books. 

SILY: What else is next for the Trio?

DL: We’re working on a new project that we’re gonna call DLO3 and Friends. Basically, Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio is gonna be the basis for the band but we’re gonna incorporate musicians we’ve met on the road all over the world that we’ve liked and start collaborating with people. We just went in the studio a couple weeks ago and laid the foundation. It’s comin!

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

DL: I’ve been back in my old school traditional swinging jazz, Kenny Dorham, Johnny Griffin, Coltrane, Miles, all those guys. I was originally a straight up swinging bebop player and haven’t been able to do that in a while.

SILY: Speaking of Miles, did you hear that Chick Corea passed away?

DL: I did. That was a pretty sad moment. We have the same booking agent. I never got to meet him. I was hoping to. 

SILY: Do you have a favorite piece or recording of his?

DL: Yes. The Blue Mitchell album The Thing To Do. I remember listening to it; Chick was burning on it. One of the other things I realized on that album was how high pitched Al Foster’s toms are. But yeah: huge loss for the scene.

SILY: Anything else I didn’t ask about you want to say?

DL: Support your local record stores. There may or may not still be our limited pink vinyl at your local store, since those were only sold at record stores. Support your local record stores and local music.

I Told You So by Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio

[mysticm3ss]

RFA+Saeran x MC who does muay thai

not requested, but i was at a muay thai class today and just started thinking abt this so i figured i’d write it. this is pure self-indulgence, sorry haha. if you haven’t heard of it before, muay thai is thai kickboxing ^^ (also i’m not claiming to be an expert by any means i’ve only been doing it for like 6 weeks i just rly like it)

Yoosung:

Lowkey terrified when he finds out.

That said, the experience in which he discovers your hobby isn’t exactly “ideal.”

It was late as the two of you walked home from one of your dates; the street lamps were dull, the traffic nothing but a slow trickle as you walked hand in hand down the footpath, sharing whispers and hushed giggles in the quiet of the night.

Safe by Yoosung’s side and all too occupied as the apple of his eye, you don’t even notice the person who had been following you the past block and a half.

When they make their presence known by grabbing your purse, your fight instincts take over and you slip easily into your muay thai stance, throwing quick, consecutive punches without thinking and easily blocking attempted counterattacks.

You follow it up with a knee to the liver and a brutal kick to their inner thigh. When you throw an uppercut elbow into their chin, they collapse into an unconscious heap before you.

Still shaking with adrenaline (and, to an extent, surprise at your own skill), you pry your purse from their grip and step away, only to find Yoosung gaping at you.

“...Yoosung?”

He blinks, shaking his head to snap himself from his stupor as he manages to stammer a response.

“M-MC... what the hell was that?! Oh my god, are you okay?!”

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hella turned on tbh

You chuckle sheepishly. “Heh. Yeah, I’m fine... you know how I go to the gym? It’s... technically a muay thai gym.”

Yoosung manages to nod, and stares in disbelief as you revert back to your usual self, pecking his cheek before taking his hand and continuing to walk down the pathway.

He can’t help but watch you in awe.

Wow, his partner is awesome.

Zen:

When Zen notices the bruises marring your legs and torso, he’s immediately concerned.

“Jagi... what happened? Are you okay? How did you get all these bruises? Is someone hurting you?!”

You can see the anger bubbling beneath the surface, and you run your hand down his arm soothingly before he can get too riled up.

“No, no, it’s fine, Zen... they’re just from muay thai.”

Zen’s brow furrows into the most adorable pout of confusion as he tilts his head to the side.

“...from what?”

You explain the sport to him, and his eyes light up with interest.

“Oh, wow! Maybe I could... go with you, sometime?” he suggests idly, and you nod eagerly.

The next week, you drag him to a beginner’s class.

The moment you walk into the gym, Zen’s chest tightens with jealously. The gym is full of guys. Shirtless guys. Fit shirtless guys.

When you greet them all as friends, even hugging a few who hadn’t been in for a while, Zen can’t help but pull you a little closer to his side.

“...MC, y-you come here almost every day?” he asks, and you giggle, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth and easily spotting the hint of insecurity in his eyes, and the protectiveness that shadowed it.

“Yes, and I come home to you,” you remind him, and he immediately relaxes, nodding and casting aside his worries as he instead focusses on enjoying the sport you devote so much time to.

You start off by teaching him how to wrap his hands and volunteering to hold pads for him first, once he’s learned some basic movements.

He’s already fit, so it doesn’t take him too long to get down the basic technique...

...but his punches are weak, his kicks weaker, and you know right away that he’s going easy on you.

“Zen. Babe. You can kick harder,” you prompt, and he chuckles.

“What? I know... I just...”

You grin, and the timer buzzes, signalling the end of the round.

When the instructor begins to describe the movements for the next round, he drags you to the front of the room to demonstrate, considering your experience in comparison to the other beginners. When he gets you to hold pads for him, Zen flinches as he watches the instructor knee the belly pad strapped around your waist, followed by the quick, solid roundhouse kick you easily catch with the pads. 

The thwack of flesh on leather has Zen half ready to leap to your defence, but he can only stare in awe as you easily absorb the impact.

You swap partners for the next round, and Zen couldn’t possibly describe his anxiety as he watches you partner up with someone almost twice your size.

His anxiety fades into admiration as he watches you land punch after punch, nailing kicks and knees into your partner’s waiting pads like nobody’s business.

he almost gets punched in the head (twice) while he’s not paying attention let’s be real

By the end of the class, Zen has already made friends with your buddies--if they’re important to you, they’re important to him, as well, and he’d be damned if he didn’t want to make a good first impression on them.

When the two of you head home that evening, Zen relents that maybe the sport isn’t for him (he can’t have bruises on his beautiful skin after all), but is always eager to support your interests.

Jaehee:

This judo enthusiast is thrilled when she hears that you enjoy a combat sport, as well.

Peppers you with questions about the differences between the two sports, and would honestly love to give sparring with you a go in order to compare techniques...

...which is exactly what the two of you end up doing.

You’re not trying to hurt each other, of course--you set boundaries and never go at each other with full power.

But when the two of you finish up, you’re both patterned with mottling bruises and aching limbs.

After a hot shower, the two of you cuddle up on the bed, all tangled limbs and gentle nuzzling as you press soft kisses to one another’s wounded skin.

You run your hands along Jaehee’s back and gently massage her sore muscles, feeling the tension seep from her body as she relaxes into the sheets, humming contentedly at your touch.

When you’re done, she returns the favour, ending it with a soft kiss to the lips that breaks as you both can’t help but smile against one another’s mouths.

“That was fun, MC...” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “But... maybe we should leave sparring to our respective classes. I don’t like the idea of hurting you.”

You smile, wincing as you shuffle to glance over at her, body still throbbing dully in pain.

She mimics the action, ribs obviously sore and arms tired as they wrap around your waist, warm and soft.

“Mmm... good idea,” you reply, pressing your face into her neck and placing a soft kiss to her jaw. “I don’t want to hurt you, either.”

Jumin:

When Jumin finds out about your hobby, he’s a mix between intrigued and impressed.

“MC, as much as I love that you’re capable of defending yourself, you do realise we have a whole security team dedicated to your safety...?”

You smile goodnaturedly and explain to him that it’s not just about the self-defence, though that is an added bonus; it’s about the stress relief and satisfaction of being able to nail a certain move or combo, and the thrill that comes with sparring.

When he sees just how much you enjoy it, he considers hiring a world titleholder to act as your personal trainer.

And as much as the idea of meeting such a skilled individual excites you, you explain that it’s really not necessary.

You love the comradeship you have at your gym, and your primary goal isn’t to fight professionally, anyways. You’re happy where you are.

Definitely buys you top-notch equipment--we’re talking brand new gloves and shin pads, so fancy that you’re a little scared to imagine the heavy price tag they bore.

Loves to watch you practise shadowboxing around the house, and peppers you with questions about your technique.

Even asks you to show him a few moves.

let’s just say that muay thai is not jumin’s forte

Regardless, you appreciate his interest in your passion, and definitely enjoy the hot baths he draws to soothe your sore muscles, and the loving attention he pays you afterwards.

Seven:

“MC, that’s amazing~! Who would’ve thought my innocent sweetie was so tough and talented!”

Honestly, the idea of you engaging in the sport is really exciting to him.

and turns him on to no end

Eager to drive you to, and pick you up from, all of the classes you go to throughout the week.

Your biggest supporter if you ever choose to fight, and working out with you is one of the few things that can drag him away from the constraints of his work.

He doesn’t mention it, but the fact that you’re somewhat competent in combat is also really reassuring to him.

Knowing that you can look after yourself if the situation arose? Super comforting to him, especially regarding his line of work.

Insists on sparring with you.

“Saeyoung, do you even know anything about muay thai, let alone how to spar in it?”

“Whaaaaat? Of course~!”

(He doesn’t)

(He doesn’t even block any of your punches)

(C’mon man you’re a secret agent you know how to block a goddamn punch)

“Ohh, MC, you’re just too strong for me~ God Seven is forced to surrender!”

Brags about you to the RFA chat every other day.

“Hey, did you know MC can totally beat me up~?”

“...Seven, confine your kinks to the bedroom please”--the entire RFA

Regardless, he’s super proud of you and will always, always support your interests, especially one he finds so cool!

Saeran:

It makes him uneasy.

The idea of a bunch of people throwing punches at you, with only a foam pad between you and their fist or elbow?

Nope. Not a fan.

And when you come home with bruises?!?!

“I thought you said they weren’t really hurting you?!”

“Sae, I literally did this to myself. The boxing bags aren’t soft on my shins, y’know.”

Begrudgingly admits he’s glad you know how to defend yourself, though.

Plus he sees how happy you are when you come home, and nothing can beat the flutter in his chest when he sees the light in your eyes and the grin on your face, even when you’re sweaty and sore.

Eventually, it’s something that he gets used to, and he finds himself kissing the bruises marring your skin and rubbing tiger palm into your sore muscles.

So long as you’re happy, so is he.

hope you enjoyed! i don’t expect many people to read this one but if you’ve made it this far, why not reblog or comment and let me know what you think? xx

[darkestwolfx]

Touch and Go - Re-Review #24

Touch and Go is definitely an appropriate episode title... damn, what else could they have called it? Downing of the Planes, Let’s Play CATCH or something terrible like that.

Anyhow, let’s get going!

A high paced chase across the ice is exactly what we all want to see at the start of an episode, lets be honest.

Apparently it’s also the only images google know how to relate to this episode.

“Kayo, you were just supposed to shadow him.”

“We did a little shadowboxing.”

Yeah and she was definitely the winner of that round. Scott, on the other hand, doesn’t go down so easily.

“Scott, do not tell me how to do my job.”

“It’s not that we don’t appreciate your excellent work, Kayo, it’s just that this is not what we do.

“Why not?”

“Because we’re not the police! We leave the law enforcement up to the GDF. Our priority is people. Our job is help rescue and clean up during International disasters, not chasing after bad guys!”

“Scott, we can’t always wait for catastrophe to strike!”

In fairness, she does have a valid point there.

“We have a situation developing.”

“This discussion isn’t over.”

“I’m sure.”

I feel like these two might clash more than we see.

“That means there’s over two thousand (2000) planes stuck in the air with no way of landing safely.”

See this is why I think need to be reducing our flight travel! At the moment, pollution levels have cut by half... it is worth thinking about before anything like this happens, or there aren’t parts of the world left to fly to.

Poor Virgil and Grandma though... just stuck sitting there whilst this ‘discussion’ raged.

Anyway, EOS is here! At last. What’s it? 13 episodes since her last appearance?

“EOS?”

“Yes John?”

“Until we can get CATCH back online, looks like you and I are going to be playing Air Traffic Control.”

“Understood.”

“Calculate every aircraft’s course and minimum safe distances. Let me know the second any of them get too close.”

“Affirmative.”

“Think we can do it?”

“We don’t have a choice, do we?”

Great motivational speech EOS... I can see you’ve learnt how do that in your absence. John’s having a really human moment of doubt and that is your grand reply! Hello, someone please let me write EOS some more character development. It was such an EOS thing to say though.

“Dead-eye Vigil strikes again.”

“Oh, so now you’re suddenly a good shot?”

“Hey! I have to take every small victory I can get.”

Loving this reference back to ‘Ring of Fire’.

“Can you remotely access the planes on board computer and unlock it?”

“Hacking the on board computer of a plane in flight is a violation of-

“Consider it done.”

Still very helpful EOS - she is right though let’s give her that! And we’re presuming she was meant to have learnt something about rules. John is bloody quick at hacking though! Heck none of us would be safe if he was here in real life (not to mention if Thunderbird Five was as well).

How comes Scott always ends up meeting the women? Just a question that came to me.

“You’re not out of the woods yet, Scott.”

Someone tell me when Scott learnt to drive a fork lift? I mean really, it’s not your everyday vehicle and it requires a special licence.

“International Rescue, everything’s gonna be fine.”

Scott, please, please, please stop jinxing things! Someone offer these boys a course in careful word choice!

“Or maybe not.”

I mean like, ASAP.

“It’s crumbling like one of Grandma’s cakes. We need to get out of here fast.”

“Any ideas?”

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“I’m Scott by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Scott. Captain Jane Carter.”

Seriously though, why is it always Scott who ends up ‘hanging’ with the women?

Shadow appearing with the moon behind was an awesome scene with some beautiful cinematography.

“It’s The Hood. He’s shut down CATCH and has no plans to reboot it.”

Yes I think the evil laugh rather gave that away!

“Keep CATCH shut down for another hour and that should be a good enough diversion.”

Oh... so you were saying Kayo? That sounds like a plan to reboot it to me... writer’s contradiction! One of the first in this show I think, actually.

“Kayo, please respond.”

“I know how you feel.”

Yeah, I’m sure you do John.

“No funny stuff.” “Don’t worry, you won’t be laughing.”

Yeah... don’t mess with Kayo.

“Your nagging will not improve my efficiency.”

Haha, do I know that feeling! Anyone else?

“Why do you let them treat you like a minion, Kayo.”

My thoughts exactly Hood.

Look, there’s even five of them! Perfect numerical workings.

Alsterene! Flashback to ‘Danger at Ocean Deep’ here. I’d be careful with stuff... it’s highly combustible.

“My engines are out.”

“Kayo, eject.”

“Ejection controls aren’t responding.”

Did anyone else think for a split second that maybe TAG was going to be one of the first Universal rated TV shows to kill off a lead character? I’ll admit I did, considering what they’d already down this series.

“I’m taking back what’s mine!”

The fuel tanks, right?

Wrong, they exploded the moment they hit the ground. I did say a couple sentences back to be careful, did I not?

That moment of near Hood-Kayo eye contact was priceless. They might be enemies but they are also family.

“The Hood could have just as easily saved those tanks,but he saved you. Why?”

Suspicious Scott... I mean he did see The Hood save Kayo. I’m surprised he didn’t put two and two together before Kayo told them. I mean he is smart.

“I’m just glad you’re ok.”

Family affection right there. After all those arguments - sorry discussions - they still love each other deep down.

“Looks like Brains has his work cut out for him. I think you might have fried the motor.”

“It’s for the best. We wouldn’t want Brains to have nothing to do.”

“I heard that!”

He’s like Grandma! Ears everywhere! And for one, I think Brains already has enough to do. Give the man a break, people.”

[whichstiel]

I was lying in a tent in the middle of a forest and sunlight was just beginning to filter through the trees. It was five minutes past the start of the second round of claims. I had just enough of a cell phone signal to slowly pull up the list of stories. And...there it was. One of my top five stories remained! There’s nothing like a successful claim to start the morning off right!

@scones-and-texting-and-murder​‘s story, Remember When, is a beautiful story about growing up and finding each other again. Here’s the summary:

Castiel Novak meets Dean Winchester in the summer of 1989 when they’re both ten years old.  Growing up in small town Kansas is as all-American as climbing trees and little league baseball, but the carefree days of childhood can’t last forever. With adolescence comes new challenges, and Cas finds himself frustrated by decisions Dean makes that he can’t understand. After a big fight junior year, they stop speaking for months, and when tragedy strikes Cas’s family, there’s only time for a quick, heartfelt goodbye before the Novaks move away.

Six years later, after the death of his father, Cas takes a semester off from grad school and returns to Kansas. There he finds the woods where they used to play bulldozed into a housing development, and the Winchester family similarly fractured and gone. In relaying this news to his mother, he learns Dean was keeping secrets of his own as they grew up, forced by circumstances to take on too much too young. Armed with this new information, Cas impulsively decides to drive west to find him and try to make things right.

You can read the teen rated version or the explicit version on AO3. See below for a little bit about the process!

When I originally read the summary, I was captivated by the description of the boys growing up with a tree in the background, as a touchpoint. I’d planned to do simple illustrations (The Giving Tree came to mind). And then I remembered that drawing is hard!

The story made me think a lot about memory and how, in films, flashbacks to the past are often faded or misty. I decided on a hybrid solution: I would do all white paper art for the background (evoking misty memory), but have bright, digital illustrations for key focal points of each image (i.e. the tree, the boys, etc.)

I like to let the cover set the tone for the rest of the pieces, so I started on that first. Friends, it did not go well. (Drawing is hard!) I scrapped my first idea and quietly panicked.

Failed Cover Drafts

I still liked the idea of all white art, or neutral toned art, but I wasn’t sure how to make it work. (If you’re familiar with what I do, you’ll know that I feel most comfortable swimming in color.) I found inspiration in a beautiful book cover (A song of three spirits, by J. Zachary Pike) and riffed off of it, drawing a stylized tree, and adding Dean, Cas, and Cas’s house to it. I wanted it to be mostly symmetrical, so I drew half of the tree, then scanned the design, put it in a photo editor, duplicated and flipped it. BOOM. One whole image achieved. I printed out template sheets, taped one to the top of the cardstock, and started cutting out all the shapes. The main circle was done by upending a bowl and tracing around it. (I really do not trust my eye or hand when it comes to making something symmetrical!)

I photographed it outdoors in full sun, spinning it around until I got the shadows to fall the way I wanted them to. The top cardstock design is balanced on a shadowbox picture frame, and set on top of some cheap green poster board.

Final Cover Drafts

Okay. So, one down. Now, how was I going to pull off the rest? And still have it fit with the cover? And be interesting? ARGH!

My original sketch for the first scene (marbles scene) was more of a 2D look. But once I had the cover worked out, I started thinking about circles as being one of the visual themes of the art series. The marbles scene changed from a 2D look to a minimalist set of circles. And then, since it seemed a little too minimalist, I added a carved mat and backdrop as well. Set against the same green posterboard as the cover, the two felt more unified to me.

Marbles Scene Drafts

Once I finished that, I decided any pretense of realism was pretty much out the window. For my third piece, I opted to make the prettiest dugout you ever did see, laced with an oak tree motif like the cover. I’d found an artist (Malin Koort) who made these really cool sort of 3D people. (They’re adorable - go check them out.) I decided to adapt that look for my own people (but with less stylistic flair).

Dugout Scene Drafts

Now I was feeling like I was in good shape, I finished up the divider (again with the same oak / swoop motif of the cover).

With a week to go, I thought about the joke I’d made at the start of our collaboration: that I’d make some NSFW art for the first time. Why not, I decided. I had time to give it a whirl. If it didn’t work out, my author still had plenty of pieces to fulfill the DCBB minimum. I again went with white on white, relying on shadow to pull out the edges in the image. There’s a little tiny dick about the size of a sliver of fingernail in the final picture, but the angle isn’t right to show it. It’s enough just to know it’s there, right?

Topographical Map of Sex

Pulling these pieces together, I definitely had Project Runway on my mind. To me, building these pieces was like building a fashion collection. Each piece had to be different and stand on its own, but still be visually and functionally tied together. So, using the same paper, similar techniques, and a repeating pattern really “made it work” for me!

Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please let me know! Drop a line on Tumblr or at my art masterpost on AO3.

Messy Workspace is My Brand

[ohblackdiamond]

black and gold (kiss/endgame crossover, part 13 of ?)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

Prequel to “the end of the world tour.” Four ex-bandmates and even-more-ex-superheroes reunite in the aftermath of Thanos’ snap, and attempt to adjust.

In this chapter: Paul and Gene have dinner courtesy their new RV friends

They talked long enough for the biscuits to cook and the baked beans to warm up. Maury had warmed up considerably, to the point he’d fried some bacon, which neither of them ate. It all got served on cheap stoneware Gene could’ve sworn his mother had back in the sixties. It was the first hot meal he’d had in days.

Paul hadn’t said much, which wasn’t unusual. Maury talked plenty. He and Charlotte were cousins, apparently-- Charlotte went through the genealogy, but Gene could only catch about half of it-- and they’d been living in Nevada together since Maury’s wife left him. Gene got the feeling it was half to appease Charlotte’s grandkids, having someone keeping an eye on her, and half to help pay rent. There was an old Army shadowbox by one of the couches, and Gene hadn’t gotten a good enough look to make a guess on whether it was Maury’s or Charlotte’s husband’s.

“You gonna stay in Connecticut once you get there?”

Gene felt Paul’s glance on him, and he shook his head.

“No. It would be better for taxes, but…”

“Shit, you care about taxes right now?” Maury looked bewildered. “The government’s sending everyone bereavement checks. Taxes ain’t gonna even be due next year until August.”

“Bereavement checks? They can’t do that when everyone’s lost someone--”

“That’s why they’re doing it,” Maury said flatly. “Insurance companies are flooded. The way this happened, people just… people just disappearing, they say they can’t prove someone died unless it’s on video, so they won’t pay out. Ain’t you listened to the radio at all?”

“We did some, for traffic reports, but we got sick of hearing it.”

“You ought to hear it,” Charlotte said. “It’s ten thousand dollars a person.”

“Twenty thousand for kids.” Maury dipped his biscuit in the beans. “I don’t know how they’re gonna manage that one.”

“Inflation’s going to go sky-high. It’ll be twice as bad as it was in the seventies.”

It was the first thing Paul had said in awhile. Gene looked over at him, but he didn’t add anything to his comment.

“I guess they gotta do something.” Maury finished off his biscuit and reached for another one. “Figure most everyone’s gonna blow that ten grand in a year tops. If somebody’s smart, they’ll put it in the stock market instead.”

Stocks. Gene hadn’t thought of his stocks and investments in days. KISS, of course, and licensing, but there were dozens of other endeavors under his belt. More pies than he had fingers to stick in them.. His Moneybags soda, his various properties and real estate. He hadn’t answered a single message on his phone, but maybe he should have. Some of them had to be from--

“I’ll try and put maybe half of it in stocks once I get it. Delta, maybe.” Maury looked at Gene curiously. “You think that’s a good idea? I figure the roads are gonna take years to really clear out. All those abandoned cars everywhere. Air travel, that’s what’s gonna be pushed now.”

“I don’t know.”

Maury’s eyes went from Gene’s face to the RV window, as if he could see more than an outline of Gene’s car in the darkness.  You should know , that was what his face seemed to be saying. Everyone, the fans, all that crowd, always seemed to think there was something magical to success and wealth, some insider knowledge they just weren’t privy to, some mystic connection they weren’t plugged into. It wasn’t like that. It just wasn’t like that, but fuck, he’d profited off of the idea that it was, hammered off sorts of canned suggestions. Now, faced with a guy feeding him from his own bag of chips and can of baked beans in some worn-down RV, a guy who couldn’t tell him apart from Dee Snider… now, he didn’t feel equipped to offer any advice at all.

“Get you another biscuit,” Charlotte said, pushing the still-warm pan towards Gene. He took another biscuit, then pushed the pan towards Paul on automatic. 

--

The biscuits and beans were finished off fairly quickly between the four of them. Afterwards, Charlotte had offered Paul and Gene the RV’s shower, which was as clear a sign as Gene could’ve gotten that the both of them looked like shit. Gene had half-expected Paul to refuse out of squeamishness, preferring whatever showers the website had advertised, but he didn’t.

“Got a pack of razors, too,” Maury added. “Ain’t opened them yet.”

“No, it’s really okay,” Gene said. “We’re Jewish.”

“You don’t shave?” Unconsciously, Maury touched his own chin.

“Not right now.” Almost everything he should have been doing to mourn had already gone out the window just by virtue of circumstance. He hadn’t stayed in his house. He hadn’t even torn his clothes. He hadn’t stopped Paul from playing music when they were in the car; in fact, he’d played it himself. He felt Paul’s glance on him, and realized by Paul’s next words that he was thinking the same thing.

“Can I wash my hair?”

“Paul, you can do whatever you need to do. I’m not stopping you.”

“But is it--”

Looking for guidance out of him. In front of other people, no less. It didn’t give Gene any real sense of relief to be needed that way.

“You can shower if you’re dirty or sweaty. You just can’t enjoy it.”

Maury’s mouth twitched up, but he didn’t say anything. Paul nodded, stood up from the table, and headed towards the opposite end of the RV. Once Paul had shut the bathroom door, Maury turned to Gene again.

“You grew up with that guy, didn’t you?”

“No. I’ve just known him a long time.”

“He don’t say much.”

“No.” Then, half to avoid being accused of not saying much, either, Gene added, “He doesn’t really know how to deal with people.”

“He’s too damn old not to know how to deal with people.” Maury made a waving motion with his hand. “But I am, too. Sorry about earlier.”

“It’s fine. You’ve probably had a lot of people asking for food.”

“You dunno the half of it.” Maury snorted. “Fed ten people already. Every time we pull over for gas, people think we’ve got something. Banging on the door. Some idiot tried to get in through the window last night. S’why I keep my pistol on me. Keep trying to get Charlotte to carry--”

“I ain’t carrying nothing.”

“You need to, you can’t fend off any crazies--”

“You hush your mouth, Maury--”

Gene, sensing an old argument, opted to interrupt, clearing his throat.

“The guy that tried to get in through the window, what was he wanting?”

“Food. Supplies. Shit, I don’t know. People’re just going all to pieces. You got people trying to get all they can out of this, milk the whole damn world dry, and then you got people trying to--”

“Now Maury, we don’t need to--”

“He said he wasn’t listening to the radio.” Maury’s lips pursed. “You got people trying to die, Gene.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. I’m talking guys running straight into police stations claiming they got a bomb on them. People stealing drugs outta hospitals. There was about a hundred fifty people jumped right off the Golden Gate bridge. And that’s just what I heard about. There’s no telling.”

“Maury, let’s not talk about that,” Charlotte murmured, putting up the last of the dishes.

“I wanna talk about it.” Maury shook his head slowly. “It’s not gonna stop. People aren’t… you can’t… do for them. Every time I open that door I’m scared it’s somebody trying to take what little I’ve got.”

“Listen, Maury, I can pay you for the food, right now,” Gene said. But Maury just shook his head again, utterly bewildered expression on his face. He almost-- he almost looked hurt, and Gene wasn’t quite sure why.

“You think we fed you ’cause we wanted some money out of you?”

“I--”

“Jesus. You really can’t do for people, can you?” Maury shoved at his graying bangs. Gene could hear the sound of Paul shutting off the water. “You really can’t.”

Paul came out of the bathroom a minute or two later, dressed, his hair still wet. Gene gave him his seat and headed to the bathroom himself. The room was cramped, pink mold edging the corners of the shower and drain. Paul had remembered to drape a towel over the mirror.

He spent as little time in there as he could, just soaped up and rinsed off. His hair only got more attention by necessity. Then he toweled off halfheartedly and tugged his clothes back on, the grotesque feeling of being clean and wearing dirty clothes hitting him all at once. He bit his lip and ventured back out. Paul was at the kitchen table still with Maury and Charlotte. Maury was showing him something on his phone.

“There she is, right there on the far right.”

“She’s a pretty little girl.” Paul’s voice sounded mechanical as hell. Gene stepped forward, and Maury tilted the screen so he could see. A little blonde girl in pigtails, at the end of the row for a school picture. It must have been Sydney.

Sydney didn’t look anything like Sophie at all, but Gene found a lump in his throat anyway at seeing the child. He shoved at the bitterness threatening to overtake him, for Maury having what he no longer did, but he just couldn’t manage it. He’d spoiled Sophie so. She’d been no more than four years old and asking him for a Porsche. He’d told her he’d get her a whole fleet, if she wanted it. But she’d grown up so much since then. Gone to college. Started her own clothing line. Done advocacy work. She was twenty-two, just twenty-two--

“Gets it from her mom. They got all the kids at her school staying there for now, all the ones who ain’t got parents. I got ahold of the administration the other day to tell them to wait on me.” Maury paused. “I wanted to talk to her, but they were too tied up. Took me four hours just to get the school.”

Gene nodded dully.

“She’ll… she’ll keep you busy.”

“She’ll keep me going,” Maury corrected. “Something has to. For all of us.”

[three--rings]

chinajousama replied to your post “I like how MDZS/Untamed fandom has just collectively decided that...”

I want to also point out that it's a very real (while old-fashioned and often skipped over) feature of Chinese weddings. On the wedding day, the groom and bride are tied to each other with a red ribbon with a knot in it called the Xiu Qiu (Embroidery Ball), and walk down the aisle with it to represent their marriage being fated by the matchmaker gods.

Oh!  Oh!  That’s right!  I totally forgot about that, which I learned in my research on Chinese weddings for my fic.  (Fic over, wipe brain of everything...)  Except I was specifically researching bridal bedchamber rituals and there was mention of the tying there, but only in one of my sources.  So I had Wangxian’s hands tied together before going to bed...Because...YANNO.  ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I didn’t know that about walking down the aisle with their hands tied, that’s neat.  I assumed it was the same as in a Pagan handfasting, where your hands are looped with ribbon or cord, then a few words are said, and then they are unbound. (Usually, all the times I’ve seen it.  But I’m sure some people do it differently because...pagans.)  (In my story Wangxian stayed tied up because...I am dirty.)  I really like the idea of walking down the aisle like that...

*Looks over to her handfasting cords in the shadowbox on the wall...feels sappy.*

[laurasfox-originals]

What We Are Made Of (Fist To The Heart Bonus Story, Patreon Exclusive) by Laura S. Fox

This is an excerpt from the bonus story for Fist to the Heart, describing some of Johnny’s and Ruslan’s adventures when they go visit Ruslan’s family in Russia.

Start of excerpt

What We Are Made Of

Ruslan took in his husband’s shadowboxing with a slight sensation of wariness. The doctors said Johnny was okay, but that he shouldn’t box. What he had done, fighting in Yanis’s ring, had been crazy. Ruslan had a mind to strangle his husband and best friend both for that recklessness.

After all, it was true that Johnny’s lungs were no longer what they used to be. The incredible strain put on them had, apparently, unraveled a condition Johnny hadn’t been aware of, or at least, it had been postponed by training and discipline.

Approaching thirty, Johnny would soon be less of a young man, and more of a mature athlete if that was what he wanted to be. Ruslan had a mind to prevent that, and yet, Johnny still trained every day.

“Gotta keep myself in check,” Johnny had told him.

And Ruslan had felt it was not his place to take that away from Johnny. However, he had an inkling what was eating Johnny on the inside and intended to be diplomatic about it. Johnny wasn’t used to sitting on his ass all day, as he had pointed out, and had taken to new joint entreprise with all the seriousness making him who he was.

Together, they ran a gym where young men came to learn a mix of martial arts. As much as Johnny preferred boxing to other disciplines, it had been Ruslan’s idea to bring in trainers of varied backgrounds. It was the surest way to determine Johnny to take a step back and assume the role of someone who was in charge for once and not doing grunt work.

“Isn’t a bit too early in the morning for torturing your body like this?” Ruslan stretched and yawned exaggeratedly.

Johnny turned to look at him. One of his eyelids drooped slightly, another consequence of that fateful and frightening night. Ruslan had suggested plastic surgery, but Johnny said he had refused it when he was in the hospital and he would do it again.

This man was stubborn and wore his war scars as badges of honor. It made Ruslan shake his head each time he thought of that. He had married quite the character, and he was happy for it, nonetheless.

“This? You call this torture, pretty?”

Ruslan smirked as he walked closer to Johnny and wiped sweat from a strong round shoulder with the tips of his fingers. Without thinking much, he kissed his fingers. There was a hooded look in Johnny’s eyes that told him it was as good an incentive as any to make his husband take a break from his training.

“You here to tempt me?” Johnny asked gruffly.

Ruslan smiled. “Anything to make sure you don’t exceed the recommended amount of physical exercise.”

Johnny snorted. “You’re going to tell me I should fix my nose, too? No way I’m going under the knife for that.”

Ruslan wasn’t bothered by that. Johnny’s nose was more crooked than before, but it became him. He was rough and tough, and that kind of nose sit well on his face if it ever fit anyone.

“Are you chicken?” Ruslan teased.

Johnny grabbed him so quickly, he missed one step and ended up in his husband’s arms, laughing. “You know, pretty,” Johnny said while pushing one strand of hair behind his ear, “walking in here, looking sexy and all, it might not be good for your sexy ass. One way or another, I’m getting my workout.”

“Promises, promises,” Ruslan replied. He pushed Johnny away just enough to look him in the eyes. “What’s wrong? Your invisible opponents are all dead on the floor, by the looks of it. Are you a little upset?”

Johnny grimaced and looked away.

“Hey.” Ruslan caught his cheek and caressed it. “What’s bothering you? I know you think these limitations --”

“That’s not it, pretty,” Johnny interrupted him.

“Okay, then I understand that you need something more to do and --”

Johnny let him down and moved away from him. Suddenly, he was interested in lifting dumbbells. Ruslan huffed and took the weight from Johnny’s hand to put back to the rack, pretending that the thing hadn’t almost removed his elbow from its socket.

“Out with it. Come on. I’m in the mood for breakfast, and I don’t want it spoiled by a pouting husband. What’s wrong?”

Johnny ran both hands through his hair and threw a dejected look aside as if there was someone there to help him. “It’s just that ... Ah, why do you want me to say it? Men are pigs, okay?”

Ruslan snickered. “It’s not really news. So, who’s a pig, and why do you care?”

“Even at our gym, shmucks talk,” Johnny said. “I would kick their sorry asses, but you told me not to start some fight, in or outside the ring.”

“Don’t tell me someone’s been dissing you?” Ruslan said in a tone he wanted playful, imitating slang he didn’t usually use.

“Not me, you,” Johnny said shortly.

Ruslan sighed. “If they’re homophobic jerks, we can just throw them out.”

“It’s not like that. Or I don’t know.” Johnny appeared to grow frustrated. “I told them not to talk smack, or I’ll kick their asses. Hey, I didn’t fight,” he added, putting his hands up. “But it’s like what they said got stuck in my brain or something.”

“Johnny, we don’t have to accept everyone. What do they say? What’s making you so upset?”

“They talk like they wanna stick it in you. There, you happy?” Johnny said, pursing his lips and kicking the weight stand so hard that the weights rattled.

“Stick it in me?” Ruslan laughed. “So, you’re jealous? Do you think I would ever look, all my life, at another fighter? C’mon, Johnny, I said some pretty cool vows at our wedding. And I meant every word.”

“It’s not just that,” Johnny replied like he was deaf to Ruslan’s tries to convince him he was the only one from here to eternity. “It’s like ... Fuck words!”

“Make a damned effort because now you made me fucking curious,” Ruslan said and crossed his arms over his chest.

“They talk like guys talk about chicks.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like what a great ass you have, and they would try just once if they could do it with you.”

Ruslan laughed. “My, my, people are getting into the alternative lifestyle more and more these days.”

“I’m not joking. You’re nothing like a chick,” Johnny said. “They’re stupid. And them talking like you’re a pussy or something --”

“Johnny, me and you, we know that’s not how things are,” Ruslan intervened. “They’re idiots, and they don’t get a thing about gay sex, obviously.”

Usually, his words got to Johnny, but it looked like there was still something he kept from telling.

“I treat you that way,” Johnny said suddenly.

Ruslan stared at his husband. “Seriously? By what you told me, you’ve never been with a woman, so how can you even compare the two?”

The frustration was growing inside Johnny again. The weight stand didn’t quite stand a chance.

“Can you just stop with that? You’re hurting my ears,” Ruslan said, a bit sharply. “Now explain yourself. How have you treated me like a woman?”

“You know.” Johnny looked down. “Every time I want, I stick my dick in you. I tell myself I care about your ass, and next thing I know, I’m humping you like a guinea pig.”

“A much-muscled guinea pig,” Ruslan joked.

Johnny threw him a brief look. “I mean it, pretty. It’s like you’re my cum dumpster or something. I don’t know how you can stand me, being the horny fucker that I am.”

“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation, and before breakfast on top of it all. I love sex as much as you do, and I do want to remember you that I was the greedy one.”

“Yeah, you’re good like that,” Johnny said back. “But it ain’t fair. You’re not my woman; you’re my man.”

The proverbial light bulb lit up in Ruslan’s brain. “I’m your man? Prove it.” He challenged Johnny with his eyes.

“How can I do it? If I’m alone with you more than half an hour, all I can think of is to bang you.”

“Prove it that I’m your man,” Ruslan said, as his lips twitched.

Johnny threw him a confused look.

“Do you need me to spell it for you?” Ruslan walked slowly toward Johnny, trying to hypnotize his prey with pointed looks.

It seemed like there was a dawn of realization in Johnny’s eyes. Unconsciously, he took one step back, almost stumbling on another dumbbell that who knew how it got there. “Wait, wait, pretty, what are you saying?”

Ruslan licked his lips and came closer, making Johnny meet the wall behind him with his back. “Here,” he took Johnny’s hand and pushed it into his crotch, “I’m a man. Do you want another confirmation? Just rub it up and down a little. It won’t take long to make it hard.”

Johnny licked his lips, too, but Ruslan had a feeling his husband’s mouth was dry for a very particular reason.

“And now, since you seem to need the guidance, tell me. Do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?”

“Do you want me to suck you off?” Johnny’s voice was getting deeper, hoarser, as his hand was moving on Ruslan’s cock, making it hard, indeed.

“Try again, Johnny.” Ruslan hovered close to Johnny’s lips. “Your ass,” he added, seeing how Johnny didn’t dare to say another word.

End of excerpt

You can read the entire story on my Patreon.

[fiddleabout]

Hey, just wanted you to know, I think someone is really pulling your writing and style and whatever in a fic on AO3 right now (/works/17399873). The whole "you don't need to apologize for this" thing and the "My name is Sam Arias and I'm not a worldkiller" thing feel yanked right out of some of your stories.

i honestly feel like this is coming from a well-intentioned place.  really.  but i also don’t really understand what you were hoping to accomplish with this ask.  if it’s just a notification of the fact that someone else tackled the same issue-- one of recovering from trauma, and the ways in which that can start and stop and start again, and the complexities involved-- in a way that may or may not echo something that i also wrote, then.  okay.  thank you?  

but also: who cares?  one of the great-- and i mean this wholly unironically-- things about fanfiction is that ten people can ingest the same piece of media and come up with ten different pieces of fanwork following it or based on it.  we’re all playing in the same sandbox, or baking with the same ingredients, or whatever metaphor you want to use.  similarities are bound to happen, and that doesn’t mean that they’re pulled from another piece of fic.

but even if they are, again: who cares?  i mean, i don’t.  maybe someone read that winter soldier au and liked the repetition of the affirmative statements, which i’m pretty sure are a fairly common therapeutic technique, and decided to implement the same idea in a different context.  maybe someone read the shadowboxing series and internalized the idea that people don’t need to apologize for ptsd-driven panic attacks.  there’s no way i’m the first person who’s used that in life or in writing, so why would i care if someone else is using it with similar phrasing?  maybe they have ptsd-driven panic attacks themselves and have had to learn in their own lives that they don’t need to apologize to the people who love them that they don’t need to apologize.  

regardless or whether or not the author of that fic has or hasn’t read anything of mine ever, again: who cares?  i don’t.  the worst case scenario here for me, at least by what i think your standards are, is that someone’s read a piece of fanfiction i wrote and something in it resonated enough in them that they used it in their own writing.  why would i be bothered by that?  a more likely scenario is that someone tackled the same canon context in a fandom from a similar viewpoint and has the same ideas that i do about what certain variations of trauma and recovery involve.  

one of the things i love most about fandom is that we can all watch the same show and then turn around and create an infinite number of interpretations of how it can or should play out.  overlapping ideas or motifs or phrases or tropes or whatever are inevitable.  so i have to say it again: while i honestly do think that this was a well-intentioned note, i think the presumption that any one fic author or individual within fandom has a claim to the ways in which we interpret or use the existing contexts and/or characters.  we’re all playing with the same toys.  

[storyinmypocket]

Final Fantasy VIII: Revisited (1)

So since it’s been twenty years since the game came out (and I played it a year after its release), I thought it was time to revisit the game and compare 2000 me’s reactions to 2019 me’s reactions. I’m just getting warmed up, since I spent most of the time leading up to the SeeD exam grinding.

I’m using a walkthrough since I’ve already played it blind, and I want to see what cool stuff I’ve missed. I’ve also modded it to use both the orchestral soundtrack and the Black Mages arrangements for the music, and give the game better textures overall.

2000 me: Quistis is so great! She’s so pretty! Why doesn’t Squall love her back?? What’s Rinoa got that she doesn’t? There she is trying to let Squall know how she feels and he doesn’t even care! Also seeing her utterly demolish a terrifying robot with a boat-mounted gun is the best and I’m so turned on right now. 2019 me: Okay, who the fuck had the bright idea to put a seventeen-year-old in charge of teaching her peers??? She’s teaching people who are, in some cases, older than she is, at an age where all of them are full of hormones and bad ideas. And speaking of bad ideas, she has no boundaries whatsoever when it comes to Squall. She’s not just a girl who likes him, she is his teacher, and she needs to control her thirst a little and not abuse her authority to dump her FEELINGS! all over him and then complain when he doesn’t reciprocate or even really acknowledge the emotions she’s using her position to force him to deal with.  Also seeing her utterly demolish a terrifying robot with a boat-mounted gun is the best and I’m so turned on right now.

2000 me: Ugh, Rinoa is stupid and annoying and I hate her and this entire romance plot is forced. But at the same time OMG TRUE LOVE?? 2019 me: Rinoa is what would happen if a manic pixie dream girl decided to overthrow a government, with predictable results. I KIND OF LOVE HER? Not loving how the reaction girls have to Squall is to be like, “You’re broody and grumpy so you don’t get to have boundaries!” like that’s not how boundaries work, but she’s very cute nonetheless, and I like that she’s very forward about what she wants when we first meet her.

2000 me: Zell has never done anything wrong in his entire life. 2019 me: Zell. Bro. Maybe you should seek therapy for your problems with emotional regulation, because if you can’t deal with anger without shadowboxing while right up in someone’s face, you will never land a genderfriend with a functioning sense of self-preservation. That’s some red flag shit right there. You’re my precious dork and I know you’re better than this.

2000 me: Cid is a nice man. 2019 me: Cid should never have been put in charge of children without his wife there to supervise. You are not the “cool teacher”. You’re a goddamn headmaster and you need to enforce discipline yourself without having a student-run Disciplinary Committee to do it for you. No one takes you seriously, including your own staff, and this causes us to miss vital plot points until later.

2000 me: Selphie’s so annoying and perky. 2019 me: SHE IS MY PRECIOUS RAY OF SUNSHINE AND I MUST PROTECT HER AND HER UTTER GLEE WHEN IT COMES TO BLOWING THINGS UP.

2000 me: SQUALL! SO HOT! 2019 me: Still hot, in need of therapy, probably should not be allowed to go out and murder people professionally. His look of stunned confusion when Rinoa happens to him is priceless.

2000 me: Seifer is awful! How can anyone ship him with Squall??? 2019 me: Seifer is confused and lashing out and he needs to not have power over anyone else ever, but I kind of ship him with Squall in a twisty, powerfucky, ‘not sure if bae or fam’ kind of way. Definitely should not be allowed to go out and murder people professionally, and I’m grateful the Garden staff recognizes this. He’s a bottom (maybe switch?) desperately trying to convince the world he’s a top and it’s not working.

2000 me: Fujin and Raijin are the best. 2017 me: Fujin and Raijin are the best. Also I imagine Fujin screeching like a pterodactyl when delivering her one-word responses to everything. (I know she’s just very blunt, but the pterodactyl screech of “...RAGE” is too perfect.)

Also Squall spends a lot of time at the SeeD graduation party pouring wine into his nose. Yay graphical wonkiness!