#really hope I remembered the day right
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So I got Procreate Dreams for christmas
In honor of Divintyās birthday, some vines!
AU belongs to @twist-dg (@divine-gemstones)
Divinity: Link
Sapphire: Zelda
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#okay I really needed to doodle after the whole day of trying to copy line art that my inner self accepts āuglyā in a way#And I also am pretty sure that somewhere must be mentions about Rodimus meeting Metroplex for the first time again and finding out this is#his home city where he lived and mass sacrificed his own people#maccadam#transformers idw#Ratchet#Rung#Rodimus#Metroplex#I hope I remember it right and his name is Metroplex okay anyway my head is about to snap dead#My soul is fed with so much titans lately pefepfefo#cockroachdoodles
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This 4th of July Iām stealing the patriotism euphoria thatās usually associated with assholes idolizing the worst attributes of this country because fuck āem I live here too and remembering the things this country actually got Right is an important exercise when trying to rally anyone to want to defend it in November SO putting my money where my mouth is Iāll start easy and say I really like National Parks!! Itās rad how many of them there are and how theyāre actual set up to preserve some of the most beautiful wild areas in our country while still letting people visit to enjoy and experience nature!! (Less important but I love how they put national parks on the quarters I think thatās real fun)
Feel free to add on if something speaks to ya!
#The hypothesis Iām testing here is that remembering there are good things now and then can combat apathy a little bit#and this is the one day of the year where everyone has a free pass to say nice things about the US so!#some other fun freebies:#public libraries are really cool!! Love visiting them and I should do that way more#bit of a funnier one but I think our interstate highways are really nice#like Iād love trains too but itās really cool how you can travel the whole country relatively easily like itās all pretty connected#I love how women have equal rights! Weāre backsliding a little right now which is why itās so important to latch onto this now!#I love how we donāt have a draft- this one might point to some other issues in the country#but at least from a surface level itās great that military service isnāt mandatory#If you arenāt in the US and still want to play go for it!#today Iām encouraging everyone to pick at least one little positive thing they like#and then down the line if youāre wondering why voting matters at all#maybe remember that little thing yāknow#Do it for the national parks and the libraries and gay marriage and stuff#humming-rambles#anyways thatās my social experiment for the day hope yāall get to see some fun fireworks later!
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Guy. Is tomorrow!! :D
#thsc#thsc oc(?)#thsc sona#I think I need (again) to remember to Mark this on my calendar#idk what i going to draw for the 4th anniversary of thsc and i kinda sad cuz i really want but don't know what ._.#i will try to think of something (and hope i finish before tomorrow also)#but it's okay right?#It not like i need to think of something while I only have one day left to draw and also Suspecting that i having art block again#hahahahaha!!!#*internal screams*
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Literally no other way I could describe it right now.
#there are some serious feelings attached to all thats happening#im saddened. im mad. at the end of the day this is how i cope so im sorry if you dont feel like humor is your way out#im disappointed and digusted#personally#neil gaiman#is innocent until proven guilty and my heart goes out to the victims of this whole situation.#i know. i KNOW the right is gonna make it about trans rights and the left is gonna make this about zionism and how these results are#unsurprising due to him being 'either' of these (which im not going into)#because its NOT about those. its the disgusting behaviors he did w those women. consent or not he actively sought out rlly young women.#i hold out a tiny bit of hope but if all things go to shit I dont rlly have anything to fall back on in terms of fandom.#good omens got me through shit. it got me through hell and some my worst times ever.#ive made irreplaceable IRL friends#idk#just some feelings im putting out here. im still gonna 100% support all GO creators (unless they outright excuse NG's actions esp when hes#not yet proven innocent)#but yeah#i havent spoken about this in my other accs and I think this is the only coherent thought I can manage from all of that.#again. really upset. but we got this. were all in this together yk? theres no one side or another to SA but to support the victims.#thats all im rlly gonna say. just remember that Im sending uou guys lots of love. lets get through this <3#[EDIT: I MEANT TO SAY NEIL IS GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT FOR ME !!!!]
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[Start ID. A dark, warm-toned drawing of Tundra, a robot with bladed legs and mechanical hands both lightened by frost, and a face like that of a fencing mask. She wears a blue jacket with a fluffy white ruff and pockets on the shoulders and chest, a long green skirt with tassels and pale wavy lines at the border, and a brown belt with a pouch at the side. She's shown from the right, leaning back on a stack of pillows and a wooden wall as she looks out to the left, disregarding the open book in her hand, her legs bent in front of her. Under her is a yellow and red rug which pads gritty flooring, over her are series of low, round string lights, providing soft lighting in a room that's partially open to the night sky.]
it's a friend's birthday today yet again... in honor of the occasion here's a Tundra for @automatonknight :]
#peridots-art#tundra lisa#< for lisa the hopeful? not sure if it's right to add that but thought she could have an extra tag...#mieczmaszyna#< been a while since that url... speaking of older names (one from around this time last year) you'll never guess what she's reading hehehe#@qwerty second year in a row of drawing a guy for you yippie!!! i really like tundra's design AND i really like drawing cozy scenes like#this so. even if it's a small drawing and didn't take that long i'm happy it turned out well!! actually finished it quick enough that i had#to wait for it to turn 12 in my timezone to post it :] anyway all of your characters are so dear to me and if i don't end up personally#telling you later i hope you have a great day today!! ok well that's all i think + goodnight :]#others' ocs#< ok i DID miss a tag but i haven't used it in a while! now that's one i need to see to using more often hehehehehe#OH JUST REMEMBERED TOO. i was eating pierogis near when i first began drawing this. poland moment (???????)
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does any other demiromantic (or arosepc doesnt rlly matter) feel like. extremely awful when they experience romantic attraction or is that just me.
#spacie spoinks#bruh#like. while im experiencing it i wish so badly that i wasnt š#i feel disgusted. is this what romantic repulsion is???#cuz like ill be experiencing all the lovey dovey stuff yk#''ooohb i wanna kiss dem oooh what if we help hands'' romantic crap but its like. anxiety inducing#like it feels awful??? is this normally how it feels?? i dont like it.#it like. doesnt feel right or natural and im assuming its b/c i just like?? barely feel it ever?? and thats why???#strange as hell.#i recently felt romantic attraction 2 someone (it has been 2 or 3 years since i last felt it) and it came on really strong for like#a week and that was like the worst week of my life#i couldnt think abt anything else but them like it wasnt even like. fantasies or anything just like.#the concept of them. my brain would just be like ''hey remember this guy''#I LIKE COULDNT SLEEP#HOW DO YOU PPL ENJOY THIS????#me; clutching my head for ~a week: AUUUGH!! THE PERSON!!! THE PERSON!!!!!#im so serious this is how it feels w/springtrap. hes like a blight on my psyche#the feelings have faded mostly i think. i think im normal abt them again (thank god)#its so strange. i think a romantic relationship would be fun but then i start feeling the feelings and its. awful.#so horrid#also like. im considering that maybe the relationship i would like some day isnt romantic but a qpr#idk. ive never been in any kind of serious relationship (never wanted 2 and have never been approached for it)#sometjing 2 think abt i guess?#anybeans. i tire.#hope i never experience that again#ik that like in 2-3 years ill be like: ''man. idk what past spacie was talking abt. would be nice 2 feel romantic attraction again''#NO SPACIE IT WONT!!! REMEMBER!!!!!! REMEMBER WHAT YOU WENT THRU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wearing my Big Time Rush Forever Tour 2022 tshirt while I Pokemon Go to the polls
#please kamala harris. pls americans. restore the little faith ive had that we could defeat trumpism once and for all#he never shouldve run again. straight up after jan 6th it shouldve been illegal#what a coincidence that it's guy fawkes day and we're at risk of reelecting a man who attempted a violent insurrection#tales from diana#i remember when we went to the forever tour in gilford nh it was 6/25#i don't remember how recently it was from that point exactly but it was right after roe was overturned#on the highway i saw a large sign that said 'white and proud' and i just recoiled#what a loser you have to be#yeah politics was weighing on me heavily that day even tho it wasn't election season yet#the midterms were still months away. and those are important but they do not carry the same dread#i love you guys. whatever happens i love everyone who is trying to prevent this would-be dictator from another term#i hope this ends in celebration. but no matter what#thank u to everyone who has commiserated w me in my anxiety about this man. thank u to everyone who has fought to resist him and his allies#i really do dread the potential worse outcome so much that my hope feels extinguished#but it isn't. we still have this. no matter what happens we have each other
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Zero Day (2002)
#movies film cinema#zero day#ben coccio#I actually talked to the director on Facebook super nice guy and he told#me a lot about the filmmaking process and even helped me with tips on directing non-actors and new actors#I remember him telling me to always be supportive and tell your new actors they're doing a good job even if they aren't in the first take#cause you can instill confidence and still reshape and change their choices and mistakes later#Sometimes I'd message him for advice when I was running into problems on some of my early projects#he told me once ''did ya choose to collaborate with this actor cause you were lonely or you guys had passion and chemistry''#ācollaborating is like a relationshipā and he was so right#there's nothing worse than working with people you disdain cause there's no communication and no trust.#he told me how he wrote the first couple of drafts of Place Beyond the Pines but his take on the 3rd act wasn't clicking for the director#so he took the script and went and had another writer rewrite the 3rd act but he liked the process cause he learned a lot and still got pai#but I'd still like to see Ben Coccio's take on Place Beyond The Pines he says the 1st and 2nd act are mostly unchanged#Ryan Gosling's scenes are still mostly the same he said but he couldn't tell me too much cause of the NDA he signed#The bloopers of Zero Day are hilarious his tip he gave me about being supportive#āThis is actually great but can we-ā and Cal interrupts him āHe says that no matter what if you're doing good or bad!ā and everyone lols#I hope I can make it and ask him to collab with me on a script#He's such a nice dude compared to the harrowing film he made.#I wish there was BTS but he had only one tape to film on and this was made when digital camcorders were infants#I think he had only one 2 hour tape that's how low budget#The bloopers is just Cal or Andre secretly filming and Ben getting annoyed āIs it recording?ā and Cal going āNah..."#Cal is such a funny guy IRL I wanna see him act more cause he's so good. He was so great at playing a sadistic psychopath in this.#the final shooting is so harrowing and disturbing#I told Ben he srsly gut punched me/disturbed me and this is what made him really open up.
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you reblog a lot of intersex positivity posts, are you intersex??
i'm not, but you should really really just. not. send that question to random people. that's like. really weird to ask. like that's like going up to someone reblogging gay positivity posts and going "you're reblogging a lot of gay positivity posts, are you gay???" like that's just not necessarily anyone's business? i think i'd be pretty upset, as a trans person, if i was reblogging trans positivity posts and someone asked me if i was actually trans because they assume that's the only reason i would be reblogging them...
i reblog intersex posts because i know most of the time, perisex people just scroll right past them and don't read them, much less reblog them
i reblog them because i want intersex people, especially any of my intersex followers, to know that there's perisex people out there who care about them and support them and are willing to listen to their voices, who are willing to boost their voices
intersex people are part of my community too, i want them to actually feel included for once. so i reblog intersex posts whenever i see them in my for you tab or in my recommended or on my dashboard
i want them to feel seen and listened to
god knows most perisex people aren't looking at them and listening to them
the fact you think the only people who would be reblogging intersex positivity posts are only other intersex people speaks for itself, i think...
#to any intersex people out there reading this post right now i love you so much you belong in this community and i'm happy you're here#you're amazing and awesome and you're so fucking strong for dealing with so much shit online#you guys are constantly fighting an uphill battle and that fucking sucks and i hope that in your lifetime you can see things improve#stay strong and remember that there will always be people on your side. always.#i hope every intersex person has a good day today. and tomorrow. and the rest of the week. and the rest of the month. and the rest of the y#character limit cut me off#and the rest of the year. and the rest of their lives.#your voices are important your voices matter. i hope more people start to listen to them. i really really do.
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āļøNEWGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSANIMALSGLASSAN-
#glass animals#honestly i wore out dreamland sm my brain took a lonnng break from expecting anything from them?? idk iām just huh????#likeā¦.. when i say wore out#i cannot describe how much i listened to it#i usually have some vague idea even if itās a ridiculous number#like 52 times in a month for an album or something (has happened)#i cannot recall w this#gonna say bc 2020 & they were Literally the last band i saw live. next morning everyone found out about everything annd lockdown. no joke#so it was big dreamland time when it dropped and revisiting their past albums when i broke out of its spell lmao#(pretty sure before that like january was when i listened to dĆ©jĆ vu 100+ times in a row tho so oop. it was a tough day lol)#anyway seeing this aww man. i really have had this band with me for a long long time. š„¹ i remember hearing gooey on the radio one night#driving home from work late @ night in 2014. the drive was so short i couldnāt be arsed to fish out my ipod & plug it in#sometimes so just popped on a good station i had preset. started the car and heard this *voice* and i was like who????#had to check the station bc it was an alt station and i thought i had it on another one which was fine i was just v confused#it was in the middle of the song & i was immediately anxious to know the name hoping iād hear it & it wouldn't just flow into the next song#then the dj would pile the names together after x number of songs played bc i was tiired (but woulda stayed in the car ngl). got lucky &#ran inside to find it then yelled at my roommate the next day that she HAD to listen to it during a smoke session after work#(i was right & it blew her miiind)#god. what a fucking time. what a fucking band. idk what the disc horse is surrounding them now since they blew up via tiktok#iām sure people are v quick to say theyāre overrated bc of that but idk & iām glad i donāt know. theyāll always be this#highly inventive incredible band i stumbled upon for the perfect night drive home after a long long shift#a band that came back from a Horrible accident that should have ended 1 of their lives & somehow didnāt & should have ended them#as a band (like still cannot believe Joe was drumming in 2020 & i saw it with my own eyes like how tf???!?)#a band deserving of all of its successes. glass animals forever
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Applying to an apartment with little income and terrible credit score, in hopes that they'll be desperate enough to take me
#im not even getting my hopes up for this one folks#but this same company rook me when i had no rental history so maybe?#unlikely for the aforementioned piss poor income and credit score#im just praying they remember me feom when i used to rent from them and liked me enough then to take me again#the bathroom is not in the apartment btw#that's the wildest thing. like its a basic studio with a kitchen closet and main area#but you have to go across the hall. to the private bathroom#im hoping they realize that thats wild and give me the apartment#i neeeeed to leave my parents house. and i really miss that city the apartment is in#i wish there was a little essay section where i could tell the landlord how much i like the city#and that ill get a better job once i live there and my parents are going to pay my first month and security deposit#that would be nice#i applied knowing that i won't get it but also knowing that i cant get it if i dont try#mostly i just miss that city#there was a really nice coffee shop within walking distance of my apartment#(the apartment i applied to is next door to the building i used to live in so same area which is great)#but i didnt have wifi so i would go there a lot to do work. it was so cozy in the winter especially#and i went on a lot of walks. so i wiuld swing by there and grab a drink to sip on my walk#and it was literally within sight of a great lake. a literal great lakw of Michigan lol#i loved walking along the lake on a nice day. or a windy day and just watch the waves crash#and my favorite band is feom that city so i got to see so many of their performances. and theyre a small band so the most i ever paid#was $50 and that was for the vip package. i saw them for $10 once. and free once. and $50 for the vip#its a big art and music city and i love it so much. i miss it so fucking much and i regret leaving#but at least it made me realize that no other city is for me. that city is my home#oh and it was literally right next to a bug beautiful library that i loved to wander. i still have my library card from there#mostly used it to print stuff and you have to pay at the box next to the printer. and one time i forgot to pay. i still feel bad about that#but i dont want to reminisce too much cuz i know i wont get it#im trying to pay off my credit cards to bring up my credit score but its slow going#its much nearer my gf and all my friends so i would love to live near them. rn im hours away from about everyone i love#i ran out of tags. maybe pray for me if you pray? or just hope for me. i dont want to let myself want this but its there
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Happy loop day!
#mphfpc#hoping to add something here before this goes up but we'll see if I remember lol#like I really want to get this queued now because I keep forgetting to write it out and there's no way I'm going to remember#to actually post on the day#loop day#happy loop day#you found your heart but left a part of queue behind#originally queued on christmas day 2022#priorities am i right
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#angle under the cut where you can see their eyes because it is NOT very flattering from the front#sharpedo#this is the fucker that zooms after you like a missile in the swsh DLCā right? i think it also does that in sv. it's scary honestly#it's so fast. and it makes that big ol' zoomin' effect like the third nozzle in super mario sunshine. i don't remember what it's called but#it's the gray one. super mario sunshine is my favorite mario game which i feel like is not a very popular opinion#but it tracks because i had a gamecube as a kid. so games on that tend to be some of my favorites because nostalgia i guess#luigi's mansionā super mario sunshineā pokĆ©mon colosseumā¦#i could go on and on about these games.Ā honestly. luigi's mansion is one of my favorites of all time. i still think it's great even as an#adult. it's much better than the other luigi's mansions in my opinionā though i guess my opinion Might be clouded by nostalgia#although i would like to think i can look back on it with a critical eye. i still replay it basically once a year cuz it's super short#i think it's super atmospheric and the later two luigi's mansion games don't really capture that same aesthetic#ofā¦ what basically amounts to like. a horror aesthetic. which is weird to say because it's a kids' game but#y'know i'm also not putting my whole brain into these tags right now bc i'm distracted but i hope i am making sense#fellow luigi's mansion fans know what i'm talking about. this is not about sharpedo so here is sharpedo#i believe this'll be posting on the last day of my outing when i'll be flying back home. so. finger's crossed#nope i just queued it and it's the day before i'm flying home. either wayā good luckā future me
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online š every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#š [ my posts. ]#š [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like āaw he still has hopeā#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like ānext time you leave your post you gotta dive outā#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like āme and cathy snd the murder#victim...ā or something. and im like āhey thats my friendā and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like āteehee. i woke up from gigglingā then i thought about it and i was like āoh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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