#really gotta get my hands on the game and actually try it for myself though

[salmonskinrolltf]

Soulmates 2

[Here's a sequel of sorts to my previous story Soulmates (you don't need to have read it to understand this story). With thanks to @guytransformedforever, @beardobession, @tf-vigilante, @maletransformationlover, @clevertreephilosopher, @scorpionofredsand, and @maletffanatic for providing the photos used as inspiration.]

Hello, my name is Tyler. This is me:

And this is my roommate, Dylan:

Now look, I don’t have a problem with gay people. My cousin is a lesbian. And Dylan is a great roommate. Stays out of my way when we’re not gymming together, but is always down to hang when I need someone to talk to. I just wish he would be less in my face with all his gay shit. Rainbow flags everywhere, blasting Ariana Grande at all hours, constantly bringing new Grindr hookups back to the apartment but giving me side-eye when I ogle women. It’s just… too much for me.

Here’s the thing. I might actually be able to change that. I have this friend Evan, who I’ve wingmanned for on a few occasions over the past year. One night, when we were getting drunk together, he shared his secret with me. He has a magic gift. He clasped my hand and said “tomorrow, you will wake up and have this magic too.” And sure enough, the next day I could feel a tingle coursing through my veins, and I automatically had the knowledge of how to channel it.

Now I have the ability to change somebody’s future. I can’t fiddle with anything that’s innate or has already happened to them. Like, I can’t just make Dylan straight. But I can shape his future decisions or actions, and my magic will make alterations to speed the process along. Like if I made him decide to work out more, he would basically become a muscle beast within the week. Not that I’d do that. I still gotta be the alpha here. I just want to make him a little more… palatable. Someone cool to kick back with all the time, even if he sucks dick. Let’s see... I think I know what will work.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL BECOME OBSESSED WITH SPORTS

———————————

Hello, my name is Dylan:

Sports are my LIFE. I never cared about them much growing up, but about a month ago I felt the urge to join my local queer volleyball team and never looked back. It became my everything. It’s been great exercise, but on top of playing volleyball and getting totally jacked off of it, I’ve loved the sense of camaraderie. I love my team. So much so that I even pierced my nipples on a dare when we lost the semifinals. My teammate River also recommended I stop dyeing my hair, and I think the look is really working for me. For some reason, even though it’s only been a month, my hair has grown out significantly since then. Was the red dye stunting its growth or something? Anyway. I also feel like my roommate Tyler and I have really bonded. We’ve been watching baseball games together and I think he appreciates how into it I am. He says he’s excited to bro out while watching football together in the fall.

I love Tyler, but here’s the thing. Maybe I love him too much. I’ve always had this huge crush on him, and no matter how many random Grindr hookups I try to distract myself with, I just can’t stop hoping that one day he’ll give up women for good and decide he loves me. Especially now that we’re spending all this time together, bumping chests when our team wins and shit.

I know us getting together is never going to happen, but I have this… temptation. I was born with a gift. Or maybe I wasn’t. Something my twink friend Paul told me made me think maybe he had something to do with it. Anyway, I have the ability to reshape someone’s past. I change just one thing about their past, and everything about their present just ripples forward to reflect that change. It’s a delicate art. Changing something big can have huge effects that are totally unpredictable. It’s a major temptation to make Tyler gay, but who knows how he’d turn out. Plus, I think that’s just too invasive.

But… Maybe I could change something small about him. Something that would make him less my type, and allow me to move on and focus on finding a boyfriend who would actually be into me. I’m into nice guys. I really love how kind and caring he is. And come on, he’s a FIREFIGHTER. So maybe I can try…

TYLER GREW UP SELFISH AND SPOILED

———————————

What’s up, I’m Tyler.

You dig the jacket? Yeah, I’m still a firefighter, I’m just off duty. But babes dig whatever look I rock, you know what I mean? I get what I want, and what I want is a lot of one night stands. I know how to get ‘em, too. I’m so glad I made the decision to grow this beard out a year ago, it’s opened so many doors for me. And opened a lot of legs.

I’m getting what I want from Dylan, too. Finally, I have a roommate who’s willing to grab brews and watch the game with me. But I think I fucked up when I changed him. Queer volleyball isn’t exactly “sports,” at least not in my book. I thought he’d come out like a linebacker or something! I mean, nipple rings were never part of the plan. The gay guys seem to really go for them, too, so he’s got an even steadier stream of Grindr hookups coming in and out of the place.

On top of that, I’m a little sick of his shit. He’s always giving me lip about stupid stuff like leaving my dishes in the sink or dropping my unwashed uniform on the bathroom floor. He says it’s unsanitary. Like his parade of twinks aren’t dying to sniff that shit anyway. He just doesn’t get it. I think his volleyball teammates are a bad influence too. They’re all so obsessed with aesthetic and anti-hetero rhetoric. I still can’t make him straight, but I can definitely make him less… annoying.

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL START HANGING OUT WITH MORE STRAIGHT PEOPLE WHO WILL HELP HIM STOP WORRYING ABOUT STUPID SHIT AND BE LESS PRISSY, WELL-GROOMED, AND UPTIGHT

———————————

Yo, I’m Dylan.

Yeah, I cut my hair shorter than the last time you saw me. The upkeep was just getting to be too much, y’know? A couple weeks ago, about the time I dumped that lame-ass volleyball team I was on, I just got bored with shaving every day, too. I invested in a trimmer and now I rock the stubble look, and it’s working for me. I’ve gained a bit of weight since then, and it’s all for the better because I joined my local football league. Having a few extra beers with my new buds afterward just adds to my potential as a linebacker, anyway.

I thought hanging out with more straight people would make me get used to their vibe and kinda inoculate me against Tyler, but I’m still totally obsessed with him. He’s more of a bad boy now, but I’m finding that less unappealing than I used to. Plus, he’s still parading around in his uniform all the time. I can’t help it! I’ve jerked off more times that I can count to his Mr. June photos in the local firefighter calendar.

Whenever I see his mom, she’s constantly going on about how, out of all his Tonka toys growing up, the fire truck was always his favorite. She thinks that’s why he grew up to be a firefighter. Maybe I can change that core memory into something a little more… disreputable. That would definitely make him not my type anymore. I hope.

TYLER’S FAVORITE TOY GROWING UP WAS A TONKA MOTORCYCLE

———————————

Fuckin’ A, man, I’m Tyler.

God, I love my hog. She’s a beaut, ain’t she? My parents wanted me to grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer or a firefighter or some shit, but all I ever wanted to do was ride my hog. Chicks want to ride my hog too, and I let them. As long as they don’t go near my bike! Hahaha, get it? Fuck, I love life. Let me take another drag on this stogie real quick.

Where was I? Oh yeah, my roommate, Dylan. I wish I didn’t have to room with anyone, but my boss at the garage keeps refusing to promote me. I should knock him around one of these days, see if that changes his mind. Anyway, sure, Dylan isn’t so much of a priss anymore. He doesn’t give me shit if I leave my grease-stained clothes on the couch or light up when we’re watching a football game.

But I wanted him to be straight-acting, you know? I tried to train him up as my wingman but he wore a super gay shirt with all these see-through holes to the party, and all the chicks kept their eyes on him the whole time! Fucker. Why can’t he be more like his brother? I’ve seen pictures. That dude is a full on redneck slob, got a Confederate tattoo and everything. I know they had the same backwater-ass trailer trash upbringing, why can’t he be rougher around the edges? You know what… maybe he can!

TOMORROW, DYLAN WILL REALIZE HE WANTS TO EMBRACE HIS WHITE TRASH UPBRINGING

———————————

Hey y’all, I’m Dylan.

Hoo-ee, life has been good lately. I dunno why I resisted my good ol’ boy roots for so long. This goatee really makes me look rugged, dunnit? Also the chest hair. So grabbable. I decided to stop shaving my body, and poof! There it went. A full rug, within like two days I reckon. Like a sign from God. This is how I was always meant to be.

I know I was trying to push away my crush on Tyler by making him not my type, but what’s the fuckin’ point? I need someone who can handle me, and this hot as fuck biker dude I’ve created might be the only one who can handle me at this point. I ride ‘em rough and bareback, just like the horses back home, and weak city dudes just can’t handle it.

Will he be the same if he’s not straight? Maybe not. But as long as he can take my eight inches, I’ll keep him around. I vaguely remember having some sort of compunction about changing him so drastically, but I’m too horny to remember what it was.

Fuck it.

TYLER WAS BORN GAY

———————————

Uh… hi. I’m Tyler. Who are you again?

Sorry, I’m pretty forgetful. Daddy Dylan says I don’t gotta remember shit though, as long as I let him ride me as rough and as long as he likes. He’ll do all the rest for me. He tells me where to go, what to do, who to do. There are so many nice, hot guys who are willing to pay our rent if I turn a few tricks. I love it.

I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. My mom and dad kicked me out when I was 18, in my senior year of high school. I was caught sucking my English teacher’s dick behind the locker rooms. I never went to college after that, but it’s not like I was getting good grades anyway. Sucking Mr. Brentmon’s cock wasn’t for my health, you know. He had a nice juicy one, too. I still dream about it sometimes.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, I took up with this biker gang for a while after getting kicked out. I’ve always had a thing for bikers. But once they got through using my ass, they got bored. It was hard for a while, but now things are oh, so easy. I get all the dick I could ever want. I have a roof over my head, and no job to worry about. All I do is go to the gym and eat and fuck and I never have to think. Dylan said he might take me out muddin’ sometime too. I don’t know what that is, but anything Dylan does is fun. Fuck, I love the way his goatee tickles my skin when he kisses me, so rough, so manly. Way manlier than I’ve ever been. It’s so fucking hot. I love how he takes care of me.

I really have no complaints. I wouldn’t change anything about my life, even if I could remember how…

[prettyboyjohnny]

JOHNNY VOICE LINE TRANSCRIPT 🥩

I wrote these out a long time ago but never posted them anywhere! Based on [x].

>Nancy's voicelines<

Notes:

• I could've copied the game subtitles, but I didn't 'cause they suck.

• I haven't played enough Johnny to know where some of these lines start and end. Please let me know if I've made any mistakes in that regard!

• I was gonna include tone indicators, but tone is subjective. No one wants me to mark the Feed Grandpa voice lines as "Flirty."

Thanks!

VOICELINES

Encounter Start

Now look at this! Somebody's ready to fight!

This is gonna end... Very badly for you.

Yeah-ha-ha! Oh, that's it! Hit me...

Imma gut every single one of y'all! [Inhales, laughs under breath] Come on... Come on!

Exit interaction

Nobody leaves until I say so!

Ain't nobody leavin' just yet!

Got it.

Nobody's leavin' alive! Y'all not fast enough! ... Good try, though.

Feed Grandpa

Get your fill, old man.

It always tastes best when it's fresh, don't it?

Here you go, old man.

You're lookin' better already... Now help us!

Oh, you're thirsty today.

Victim found

HA HA! It's playtime!

Heh heh, it's playtime...

Hahahaha, I always find 'em!

You should know better than that! ... Come on out, now.

Hey there! [Laughs]

Well! Look who we got here! [Laughs]

Hit victim

Oh! Now I got ya!

Yeah! Take it! Take it!

It's better if you die right quick! Trust me!

This would be simpler if you would sit still!

Yeah! You gonna be leakin' after that hit.

Idle

Nobody escapes me.

How the hell did those kids find us? [Sighs] I should've been more careful.

If Grandpa was able, this would be over by now... I better go feed him.

Damn it, Johnny... Get your head straight! Come on, now!

I gotta fix this... Now!

Cook seen

I'd watch that tongue of yours, old man... It might go missin' one day.

I thought you knew how to run this household... THIS is a mess!

Damn it, old man! Put those ears of yours to use already!

Where are they?! How the hell did they get loose?! I can't fix this by myself, old man.

Stop barkin' orders at me! You ain't gonna like the results.

Hitchhiker seen

Surround the property with some of those traps already! This is getting outta hand fast!

You're one shifty little sumbitch... I'll give you that. [Laughs]

How you make those weird ass traps of yours, anyway?

Would you. Settle. The Hell. Down already. You're scattering all over the dang place. We gotta focus!

Grandpa is gonna tan our hides if we let them get away. Spread out!

Leatherface seen

That's it, boy... Go kill someone now.

Go on, put that saw to use, big boy! What're you waitin' on?

If I were you, I'd go and check out Grandpa. We're gonna need his help!

Let's go now, boy! Grandpa ain't gonna be too pleased if you let them escape.

Just get outta my way, boy... I'll show you how real killin's done.

Sissy seen

Are you gonna help me out, or just stand there lookin' pretty?

If it ain't askin' too much, before you go and run off again, would you mind helpin' me out?

Before you go runnin' off with those back-house hippies again... Can you PLEASE find these damn kids?!

Sissy, what the hell're you waitin' on? Get to it!

Sissy... Are you even listenin' to me? What's goin' on in that head of yours?! Damn!

Lose enemy first

Aww, you leavin' so soon?

It's alright, big boy's gonna be wearing your face soon enough... After I'm done with you, that is. [Laughs]

You know... I was actually kinda fond of that girl, I-I didn't really wanna hurt 'er... But, as they say... Family first, y'know?

You ever watch someone die? Oh... You ain't never quite the same after that, lemme tell ya.

Ohohoh, you can run all you want... It ain't gonna matter much longer.

Lose enemy sub

[Scoffs] You're all gurgle and no guts! I thought you were tougher than that!

I'm gonna find you... I will! I promise!

You wanna know how your friend died? I can show you!

L-Listen now! E-Everybody's time comes eventually!

The bad man's in me... And you gonna meet 'im real soon!

Lose enemy long

Your little friend put up a better fight than this... Come on... Make it interesting, will ya?!

They always try to hide... It's always the same game... [Laughs]

You folks don't know who you messin' with! Nobody ever gets away from me.

You're just delayin' the inevitable! YOU HEAR ME?

Come on out now, let's play.

I got plenty of space in the cold room for you.

Match start

It's time. [Chuckles] Seems they've got some fight in 'em after all.

I knew I should've handled this myself... I'll fix it.

That's what I get for taking it easy on them. Time for them to join that little friend of theirs.

See blood trail

Oh, this is gonna be easy.

Hey, you okay? You seem to have lost a bit of blood!

Now... let's see where you scurried off to.

You know... Bleedin' like that ain't gonna help your cause!

Don't bleed out on me yet! I need you awake!

See enemy first

Don't worry. I like it when they run.

Look, you're gonna want this to end fast. Trust me on that.

Well, don't run! I just wanna see how it feels.

There you are! [Chuckles] You kinda remind me of your little friend.

See enemy sub

This is pointless, you know. Quit stallin'.

Don't worry... I'll find ya.

[Growls] I'm gonna see your insides before this night's through!

Oh, you ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you.

Come on back, now.

Got something I wanna show you! [Laugh]

See family member

Well! Look who decided to lend a hand!

Check the doors and generator. We can't let them leave. You hear me?

Y'all need to start pullin' your weight around here. This is gettin' old!

Grandpa's gonna be in a fit if we let them escape. Start searchin'!

Would y'all... Help me already. PLEASE!

See trapped victim

We gotcha! [Laughs]

You ready to meet the bad man?

You got one!

Looks like you might be hurtin'. Might wanna be watchin' where you're steppin'.

[Laughs]

See victim escape

Maybe I can still catch 'em. Yeah, down by the tracks.

Damn... They're free... For now.

This isn't gonna be good.

Damn it, Johnny! [Scoffs] ... The old man's gonna be riled up now.

Use ability blocked

Ain't no tracks here...

Nah... got nothin'.

Better wait a minute.

Not quite yet ... [Inhales] Almost ready.

Use ability

Time to play. Now... Where did you go?

I'll find ya. Don't you worry about that.

Go ahead and hide... It ain't gonna matter.

Where'd y'all run off to?

Use ability success

[Hums] ... There you are.

They always leave a trail. Always so careless. [Chuckles, inhales] ... This is too easy.

I'm on your tail now!

Execution

You're gonna look real nice... Next to that friend of yours!

That's it... Die for me!

This... Is only gonna hurt... For a minute!

You should've never came here lookin' for that girl!

You ain't gettin' away! I'm keepin' you!

[Last edited March 2024]

[herotome]

Devlog #144

Hi-ho, Wudge here.

I did so much writing??!?!? Ahhh!

I think it had something to do with giving myself permission (<---easier said than done) to write more exciting scenes out of order. That means action scenes! That means romantic build-up...! Granted they're 'baby's first romance/action scenes' for our MC, because they nonetheless occur quite early on. As a writer I gotta leave myself room to amp the adrenaline up in mid-to-late game scenes.

Some no context peeks - quick disclaimer that none of this is final and may be susceptible to being cut (especially because I wrote out of order):

Warden: "… It was probably that kid's first time pulling a stunt like this. I bet they didn't imagine you'd be there to stop them in their tracks." Warden: "It's good that it was just a kid, too. I don't want you getting into an actual fight without me." Warden: "I mean— if you're assigned under me, I should always be nearby to help, so..." … Is it me, or does he seem a bit flustered by the thought of being near me? Or of me being under him— I suck in a hiss as Warden removes the final thorn [from my hand].

I cough and flap the neck of my top, hoping to diffuse the noxious scent of paint. It doesn't help. Warden: "Uhm— here, hold on—" He shrugs off his jacket and hands it to me. … I can't quite stop myself from gawking at the sight. Warden: "… Was that stupid of me? Maybe this is gross, you don't need to wear my jacket—" I take the jacket from him before he can get too self-conscious. Whether or not I {i}want{/i} to wear it, it'll be better than huffing the spray paint from my own clothes.

Griffin: "Do you trust me?" Player choice: "I do." His eyes seem to flicker, torn between delight and genuine surprise. Griffin: "Really? {i}Wow{/i}. That makes me feel real special, you have no idea." Griffin: "I'm gonna have to trust you right back in return, won't I?"

Griffin: "It's our anniversary. My honey bunny and I just had a splendid meal at the new Michelin-star gastronomic restaurant uptown. Have you been there?" {i}Honey bunny{/i}? If I was trying to maintain a poker face, I'm failing spectacularly at it now. Player choice: "Y—Yeah! All of the gas atomics were… so yummy." (NPC): "… Gas atomics?" Griffin: "My honey bunny has a lisp. I'll kill you if you make fun of [her]."

What else.

I separated last week's driving CG into separate PNGs, and wrote and tested the code to make sure Griffin doesn't show up as... oh, I don't know... a floating pair of eyes?

I also wrote a bit of code to adjust the background height while you're in a car -- you can see a before and after below.

Might have to nudge it back down a bit though.

That's about it?!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[htttg]

Lasagne - Alessia Russo x reader

Summary: while ur girlfriends away at a game, you make her a lil surprise to come back to...

1.5k words

"Hey guys, what's up, as I'm sure you all know, my girlfriend Alessia has a big game today; a friendly with Scotland and very sadly I can't be there 'cause my big fat leg injury. So instead, I'm gonna just make some food and put the game on, and I thought you could join me," I spoke to my Instagram live from my kitchen.

"Kay, obviously gotta get all the ingredients out - we're making Lessi's favourite, lasagne, and her mum sent me her recipe so I'm gonna have to try my very best to live up to her mum's standards,"

I chatted to my phone absentmindedly as I collected all my ingredients.

"Guys I realise I'm giving you a tough choice here on where your attention goes - to the game or to me making lasagne. Look I will not be offended if you chose the game, I'm not the best chef in the whole of Europe, the Lionesses however,"

By now I had all the ingredients out and had started mixing up the sauce, talking and joking with myself to make the live entertaining. I had Lessi's game up on my laptop just behind my phone.

"I'm warning you lot now," I spoke, "that I'm the worst with onions, the literal worst so I will be in a right state in about thirty seconds,"

I peeled the onion, and diced it finely, trying to do it as quickly as possible as tears seeped from my eyes.

I stuck the onions in the saucepan but had to collect myself still.

Strings of curses came flying out my mouth as I strained my eyes a lot.

"Fuck, you're not supposed to touch them, are you? Maybe that makes it worse. I don't even think it can get worse, fucking look at me,"

I got closer to the camera, showing everyone my bloodshot, teary eyes, which just kept twitching.

I tried to get over the feeling, taking a breather. I rested my hands on my knees to support myself as I leaned over.

Suddenly, from my laptop, there was an eruption of noise and I shot up.

"Did they just score? Oh my god, Lessi scored, ahhh guys England are winning! Fuck my eyes! Awh she's doing so well, look at that replay that's a beautiful goal, jesus my girlfriend is so talented. Fuck my fucking eyes man this hurts. Awh she looks so happy, I'm so proud bless. God I wish I could've been there, guys they scored! My eyes still hurt like hell, god I told you I was the worst. I don't even get this - why me? Fuck!" I took another second, and then tried to continue, shaking my face as if it would help, "Okay, okay I have to keep going or I won't be done in time, shit, my eyes look bloody awful, hold on,"

I disappeared from my phone's view for a moment and came back with sunglasses on.

"What do you think guys? Look good?" I chuckled to myself, "yeah, these actually are Lessi's, not mine, they were the first ones I found. I might have to steal them from her though, definitely look better on me. Okay, let's keep going,"

England had scored another two goals by the time I was starting to construct the layers of the lasagne, with Less getting one of the assists. She really was playing great today, getting many praises from the commentators for her performance.

It really did make me so happy, seeing her beaming on screen. She'd been needing a win since a recent loss that she had taken pretty hard.

I wacked the lasagne in the oven a few minutes later, checking the time left on the match to make sure I had my timing right.

"Perfect, she'll get back a few minutes after it should come out the oven, now we just wait,"

I kept on with the live, turning my full attention to the game now. Scotland managed to score despite England dominating possession, but spirits still seemed high, England still leading by two goals.

Eventually my timer went, it had been 20 minutes since I put the lasagne in, so I went to check on it, even though I knew it would still need a fair amount of time.

"Right the cheese hasn't browned or anything, so I know it needs more time. How do I know though, when it's fully done, just from the cheese on top or what? I'ma give Carol a ring,"

I grabbed the house phone and dialled Alessia's mum's number. As it rang, I did a lil dance to the live.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hey Carol, it's Y/N,"

"Hi love, is the lasagne going alright?"

"Yes, great in fact and I haven't burnt the house down just yet,"

She chuckled a little at that.

"I was just calling to ask how you know it's done; I'm watching for when the cheese brown so when it does should I just take it out then?"

"Yeah, so when it's golden brown on top that's done, and the sauce will be bubbling around the edges. If you want, you can also stick it with a toothpick. If it's easy to push to the bottom layer then you should be good to go,"

"Oh that’s perfect, thank you so much. You watching the game?"

"Of course, course I am. Her goal was beautiful, wasn't it?"

"Sailed right into the net, amazing goal. She really is playing amazingly, she should be so proud,"

"And right after that hard loss the other day,"

"Yeah for sure, and you can see she's having so much fun as well, so nice to see,"

"And she's lucky to have you too, making her lasagne is so sweet she'll be so thankful,"

"Well, I have to give you some credit, it's your recipe after all. Anyway Carol, I better focus on my lasagne, or she'll come home to a burnt brick instead,"

"Of course, well I hope to speak to you soon, I'll give Less a call after the game,"

"We should look at going out for a meal soon, it's been a while,"

"Oh, that would be perfect, bye then,"

"Bye!"

The game ended shortly after, and then I got a message from my girlfriend saying she'd be home in 10. Perfect timing pretty much.

10 minutes later I heard her keys rattling in the door and ran to go greet her.

"Lessi, hun, you did so amazing!" I called out before practically throwing myself into her arms.

She pulled me close, her arms tightly wrapped around my shoulders as mine snaked around her waist. I buried my head into the crook of her neck, enjoying being so close to her after what had felt like ages.

"I missed you," I told her.

I could feel her sniffing the air, evidently the smell of the lasagne creeping into her senses.

"Lasagne?" she asked hesitantly, her voice filled with hope.

I chuckled, pulling away from the hug and leading her into the kitchen.

"I thought it'd be nice to make you something, plus you deserve it with that goal, stunning. Here, come, I'm live on Instagram,"

"You really made me lasagne?" she asked happily.

"Your mum’s recipe,"

She pulled me back into a hug from behind as I was facing my phone, watching the messages on my live fly past. Her chin nestled into my neck.

"I love you so much," she whispered quietly before pressing a kiss into my skin, giving me goosebumps.

"Alright, get off you big lump," I told her, but my tone was light and there was a smile plastered on my face, "I'll serve it up,"

She withdrew from the embrace and sat up on one of the stools.

We talked with each other and with the live as I dished up the lasagne for us both.

"Here, pass," I indicated to my phone which she was holding and propped it up to get a video of her trying the dish I'd slaved over for more than an hour.

"It's good," she said with a grin, it came out muffled with her cheeks stuffed with pasta, and I could tell she really meant it, "it's really good. Mmm! Exactly what I needed,"

"Yayy. I'm glad it's good," I responded, and then we ended the live a few minutes later with a wave to the camera.

"Now that's off, I can do this," I said and turned to her.

I pulled her in for a kiss. It tasted like lasagne. She pulled away when we both ended up smiling into each other's lips.

"You couldn't do that before we ended the live?" she teased. I know she didn't mean it, we'd both talked about pda before, deciding not everyone needed to see it. Best not to encourage the tiktok edits.

"You really did play amazing today Less, I was so proud. You made it look easy,"

She chuckled a little.

"Come back here," she mumbled, putting her hand on the back of my neck to kiss me again. It was more this time, our lips moving together perfectly until she cheekily bit down on my lip.

"Less!" I cried out, pulling back sharply.

"Sorry," she said, clearly not meaning it by the brazen smirk on her face, "you tasted too good I thought you were lasagne,"

[jieunoclock]

Love Your Feeling (JJK) || Chapter four

- Handling It₊˚⊹♡

“I can handle myself Yoongi,” I look down. “How do you know? He doesn't turn into Dad. How do you know he won't lay an unwanted hand on you,"

Pair: jjk x femOC, college students, best friends

Word count: 7.3k

Warning: this chapter includes explicit scenes, mentions of abuse and past SA⚠️

masterlist || taglist

!Friends to Lovers, Protective Brother, Secret Dating, Friends with Benefits, Angst, Mature content, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Smut, Mentions of Alcoholism and Abuse

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Time passes quickly at Jungkook’s place, or maybe just with Jungkook. It’s so effortless that sometimes I wish everything would go so smoothly.

It’s probably one of the only moments in my week that I feel properly comfortable. And it’s an awful shame that, that comfort has to come to an end. Before Yoongi goes all crazy mode again.

“Noooo I don’t wanna go,” I’m in this mood, where I just want to do nothing and where there’s just a small sadness settles within my chest, it makes me clingy. Only around the right people, if I were to be around Yoongi right now I’d probably be pissed off getting yelled at.

And how much I hate it, every good has to come to an end. And after The Titanic, some lazy monopoly game -that I won- so does this night.

By the time we spent 3 hours and 16 minutes watching The Titanic, I still hadn’t cheered up. So we moved to plan B, choosing a movie that’s not on the “classics” list. I picked one of my favourite animated movies, ‘I Want To Eat Your Pancreas’. Needless to say, it didn’t make it through the movie with dry cheeks.

And neither did Jungkook. I saw he was trying to act tough, but I caught him blinking a tear away.

He hadn’t watched it yet, it was a movie from my favourites list I’d been dying to watch with him. It always hits a soft spot.

“You gotta go, Bun,” It’s awful how he’s right. If I don’t go home now I’ll get in trouble, again. Going to the gym is more fun than going home, and I seriously hate the gym. "Uhg you want me gone so bad," I'm sprawled out on his carpet nearly dragging him down with me, as he tries to drag me inches closer to his front door, holding me by my wrists.

"Yes, leave," He drops my wrists back to the ground, really I could just stay on the ground here if it meant I didn't have to go home. though I have to give in before it gets too late. With a huge sigh, I get up to my feet grab his hoodie from the couch, and take it with me.

"Later Koo," I give him a high five, dragging one foot in front of the other as I get to the front door.

It is quiet out, there's a cold chill that settled inside Jungkook's stairwell. Pressing the down button on the elevator.

My earphones are completely tangled, I should probably save up for some AirPods. I've borrowed Jia's AirPods before and I basically fell in love with them ever since. With music now settling in my ears, I step inside the elevator.

It's awfully quiet out on the road. It's one of those nights where you feel like others can just feel the sadness radiating from you, even though you're not even sad. You just have this strong load of nothingness, sure it might have a little depressed hint to it, and sure I feel like if I missed my bus right now, I'd break down crying.

But luckily I don't, It's perfectly timed actually. right as I step out of Jungkook's building, my bus appears around the corner. Not paying attention to anyone that's around me, there's exactly one person who highlights the place. Just after I checked in and turned to the bus aisle to get seated, Taehyung is sat there, right at the end of the bus.

I debate for a second if I should sit next to him or not, but the moment he makes eye contact with me it just feels weird not to. I shoot him a small tight-lipped smile whilst making my way over to the seat next to him.

"Hey," I tell him as he waves a little at me, giving me one of his gorgeous smiles. "What are you doing here? I've never seen you take this bus before," I try to sound the most genuine not to be rude, I mean I am genuine. I've seriously never seen him on this bus before, and I take this bus a lot. It's the only bus that goes from the city to the suburbs, Or the only one that goes from Jungkook's apartment To mine.

"Oh well, you know... There's this awesome girl that just has been ignoring me for two days now, I was going to check up on her," He tells me, and then I'm sat there thinking I had a chance with him. But then he gives me this look, eyebrows raised, eyes slightly in a pouty look. is he talking about me? I mean, I haven't used my phone since my fight with Yoongi, so that includes not responding to him.

I point at myself with raised eyebrows, nonverbally asking if he was going to my place. Which he responds to with a small smile followed by a nod of his head, confirming my assumptions.

"Ah well, my phone got partially smashed and, I swear it’s getting worse by the hour... I haven't charged it since, sorry," I apologize. "How'd you even find out where I live anyway?" None of my friends have ever been to my home, Jungkook's first time was today. Taehyung doesn't know Yoongi so it couldn't have been him either... But my thoughts are cut off by his response "Oh! my brother's dating Ashley,"

of course, I know Ashley, she's been to my house plenty of times... I think. I don't know, She's a really good friend of Yoongi's. They've known each other for as long as I've existed. Even after all the years they've been friends, I haven't really gotten to know her. She comes by sometimes, so I only see a glimpse of her. The past couple of years have been pretty quiet, though I see her texts sometimes and I see her Instagram stories.

Though whenever I have women's problems, where Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. Hell call her up and ask her for advice, or to come by and handle the situation.

This one time I thought I was having my first period and I just needed pads, he called Ashley to get some and explain to me how they work.

Then this other time my boobs first started coming through and I needed to go bra shopping. Yoongi and I made it to the store but the second he saw a bra, he magically turned into Ashley. Yoongi was nowhere to be found unit later that evening, with a cake to celebrate the birth of my boobs. Yeah, I wish I was lying.

There settles an awkward silence between me and Taehyung, it's late in the evening so we're the only two on the bus besides the driver. the drive doesn't take long, it's about 12 minutes from point A to B.

It's by the time we hit the start of the suburbs that a thought pops into my head. All scenarios flash through my brain if I had stayed home today. Taehyung probably would've stumbled upon Yoongi, I don't want to know how things would've ended then. I know it would be bad but...

I shouldn’t be worrying about this, I don’t forbid him from seeing girls. Ignored their existence even, not that there ever were many girls at the apartment. I’m too scared to even let people in, too bothered by a stupid reputation nobody cares about.

I don’t care if he’s banged some girl he doesn’t know, I don’t care if he’s going to propose to someone next week. Okay well, that’s a stretch. The point is, it doesn’t matter to me what he’s doing with who and where, neither should he.

Now it's only two stops away from my destination and I'm freaking out. "Uhm Taehyung, I really don't mean to be rude but.. you have to get off," which obviously leaves him confused, I’d be too if this random person from school told me to ‘get off’ for no valid given reason.

"What? Why? It's late I thought I'd walk you home," Gosh, bless him and his sweet heart.

"Although I'd seriously love for you to walk me home, Yoongi is going to kill the both of us if he sees us together, so please do me a favour and get off. I promise I'll make it up to you," I plead. He must see how panicked I look, cause his expression softens and he gives in whilst I apologize to him profusely.

He waves it off as an 'I'ts fine' and then goes to stand outside, watching the bus pass by leaving him behind.

I shoot him one last apologetic smile, gosh I feel guilty. The first thing I’ll do when I get home is text him because this is just a shitty thing to do without a proper explanation. He doesn't know Yoongi, he doesn't know how the situation sits, I hope he'll be understanding.

With a big sigh, I try to relieve the stress off of my shoulders, I spot someone in the corner of my eye that looks all too familiar. Walking on the sidewalk past the next bus stop that the bus reaches. I'm so glad I pushed Taehyung off of the bus cause, speaking of the devil, Yoongi is walking home. I quickly press the stop button and run off the bus trying my best to catch up to Yoongi.

"Heyy Yoongelss!," I sound totally fine, not suspicious at all. I probably sound mostly out of breath, from the run over here.

I can see him raise on eyebrow squinting his eyes a little at me. "where have you been!!," I try my best to show my interest in him, getting all spotlights to go his way.

"Uhm, I just got back from Seokjin and Namjoon’s place," he explains. Seokjin and Namjoon are his friends from college. Aside from Ashley, I was confused to see he actually has friends.

Ashley was our childhood neighbour, she's always just been here. Not a moment has she ever bothered me. But his other friends? They're dicks. I've only met them very few times, They always make fun of my being Yoongi's little sister, with emphasis on little. It’s unfair really! I’m not even that tiny, they’re just freakishly tall. I'm sure they're nice once you get to know them.

"You hungry?" With all the fights between us these past few days, I feel like we need some quality time. "Sure let's go," He takes the turn towards our street, which has a convenience store on the corner.

Both getting ourselves some noodles and a drink, coincidentally both having the exact same order as we meet at the tables. Yoongi sitting opposite me, he's quiet.. he isn't much of a talker anyway, we both enjoy our quiet times. but I came here to talk so...

"Yoongi, I'm sorry if I disappointed you..," Deep down I know I didn't do anything wrong, he's the one who got mad in the first place. All I ever do is care, mentally and physically. I care so much for him, all I ever do is for his convenience.

"No, I should apologize," Is he, serious? I don't think I've ever heard him apologize before, even if he should've, he finds it difficult to admit his faults. "I shouldn't have been so harsh on you.." he starts. "It's just.." He sighs deeply, he is having a hard time saying whatever he's about to. It must've been bothering him a lot.

"Nayun.. Before you were born, Dad was living at home like.. consistently. And he wasn’t as bad as a father as what you know him as. When you think of Dad you just think of this abusive asshole who left us and probably some really traumatic things. When I think of Dad… I see my Dad, the guy who used to play basketball with me, take me to school, and read me stories to bed until mom got pregnant with a girl... and when I see you with guys, all I can see is what dad turned into and how these guys could too,"

Wow, he's never opened up this much. I never knew Dad wasn’t like that before I was born, I guess it explains a lot. But still, this doesn’t justify the way he’s been acting, for like ever.

I don’t really know what I should do with this information, I don’t know if I’m better off knowing it or not. All these years Dad was just like that because he was Dad, and now I feel responsible for it. I’m not the only one who suffered from his abuse, Yoongi did too. If I wasn’t born, maybe Yoongi would’ve had a proper dad.

But then also, why did Dad didn’t like me? Why does he resent me? He couldn’t just pretend I was a guy, yes sure it would’ve fucked me up in different ways, but I think I prefer that over the things he’s done instead.

Instead, I wound up with an evil baggage of daddy issues, the version that includes the sexualized version.

“I can handle myself Yoongi,” I look down at my noodles, chopsticks ready to grab some. Instead, I bite down on my lip and pick at the separate strings of noodles, suddenly my appetite has completely gone out the window.

I was ready to sit down with Yoongi and have a heartfelt conversation, make up even. It’s every time that Dad gets mentioned, it runs my mood entirely. I hate that man from the bottom of my heart. I hate him so much, each time he leaves I hope he’ll never come back. It even gets so fucked up that sometimes I dream of police coming by the house, telling us the ‘bad news’ of him being in an accident. And I hate that I still care so much, I still love him deep down.

“How do you know?.. huh? How do you know that this guy that you’ve been seeing that's just oh-so-perfect. Doesn’t just turn his back on you and turns into Dad,” His voice raises.

“How do you know that one day you won’t end up with a guy that hits you every day uses you for his needs, and doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings on it,”

“How do you know he won’t just go at it without checking up on you asking you for a fucking green light knows when to keep his hands at home,”

It’s a chapter I put past me a while ago. It wasn’t even a heavily reoccurring event anyway, I’ve moved on that’s the point. Yoongi and I both went through tough stuff with him, I know he wants to protect me. But all I really need from him is love and support. To get through everything together, but I’m afraid that’ll never go through to him.

“You know how much it hurts me? Looking at you? All I can think of are the sounds from your room and I couldn't do anything, you didn't do anything,” He sounds angry in a way, it’s not said softly or calm, he doesn’t take his time saying what he said no it’s rushed. His words poke right through me, it hurts. How does he think he can just say that, he's being so unreasonable.

And there goes my entire appetite, in with the tears. Great... I don’t like crying like this in front of Yoongi. It’s okay when he’s yelling at me, or smashing things around me, being in a fit of rage. Not when he’s being honest, emotional, and nonviolent. I can’t say his voice gets the memo too.

Yoongi hadn’t bothered keeping his voice on a socially acceptable level, I could see the cashier looking at me with a funny expression that told me he was assuming way too many things from this conversation alone.

What makes it worse is that he doesn’t know how to act, he just sits there staring at his noodles looking all stupid. I don’t want to cry but the tears just keep coming, I don’t make a single sound. I must look stupid along with him, swallowing my tears back as much as possible. But it’s hard, there are far too many to swallow back, frantically wiping away my tears with the sleeve of Jungkook’s hoodie.

I want to get out of here, I just feel out of place. But I just can’t go running to Jungkook every time something bad happens. He shouldn’t be the one who cheers me up and he shouldn’t be the one who has to sit with my feelings.

But he’s also always been there for me, still after everything he tells me he’ll be there for me whenever. So you can call me selfish for this but, I’m going to take his word for it and go over to his place. It’s either that or go home and after this conversation that’s the last thing I want to do.

“I’m sorry,” I sniff back my tears, stabilizing my voice as much as I can. “You can have mine,” I push my bowl of ramen towards him, getting up from my seat and practically barging out of the convenience store.

He looks dumbfounded as I pass by the window he’s sitting at, and he just continues eating his stupid noodles. I try my best not to cry during the bus ride but it somehow just feels so much longer than usual.

After what feels like an eternity, I just stand there, in front of his apartment complex. Trying to muster up the courage to knock on his door.

I’ve calmed down a little, I’m not crying anymore. Though my mind seems to be racing at 100 miles an hour, I’m never this hesitant to go up to Jungkook’s apartment. So whenever I do, it’s a cry for help -to myself that is-. It makes me nervous, cause I feel like a bother to him. He’s made me sure I’m not, so I set it aside the best I can and knock.

There’s a long moment of silence after I knock on his door, is he home? My phone is dead so I won’t be able to text or call him and I don’t have a spare key either so.. oh my god what if he’s in there with someone? Maybe he’s just asleep I mean it is pretty late.

Suddenly everything I’ve set aside comes rushing back to me almost twice as hard as it did before. I panic, I shake my head at the thought of me standing here as if I’m not literally in that situation right now. I really need to get out of here.

In a fit of confusion and regret, I barge back to the elevator, pressing its button which definitely takes longer than usual to work.

But then finally the doors open, ready to step inside eyes glued to the ground.

“Nayun?,” It's a male voice, familiar even, but it's not Jungkook’s or Yoongi’s. And Yoongi is quick off the list cause, he wouldn’t be confused about me being here and I would’ve just known if it were him. I quickly look up from the ground to identify whoever’s speaking to me.

Suddenly my panicked thoughts, have turned into a panic attack. I take a step back, breathing getting more difficult than usual. It’s as if talking about him, has summoned the devil. I can’t think straight anymore, the world suddenly spinning around me. Everything had been feeling like an eternity, but this moment right here is something I’ve never in my life witnessed before.

Not a moment where he walked inside of the living room that had me this shocked, not a moment where there was cash left on the table with a note to another disappointment that he was gone for a weekend that left me this devastated.

What is he even doing here? He has no use in a neighbourhood like this, it’s not the way he works like he’d always tell me. That even though we live in a dump, always shitting at how disgusting we live and never taking action to make the situation better.

“D-Dad? What are you doing here?..” I stutter, barely being able to form proper sentences. My mind is blank for a second, time pauses and all I can think about is him, quickly followed by how disgusting he is and how he still walks around freely and everything just crashes down on me. There’s so much happening at once, I just feel helpless at this point.

He’s about to take another step forward until he’s cut off, making him step back staying put in the elevator.

“Yun, I found it. You don’t have to buy new ones let’s go” a voice says from my left. I look at where the voice is coming from, registering his features. It’s Taehyung again jumping out from behind the corner, right beside the elevator. He doesn’t see my father, nor does he see Taehyung.

There are so many questions going on inside of my mind, but I don’t have any time to act on them. Telling Taehyung it’s ‘great’ even though there’s nothing about today that is ‘great’ before I walk with him not thinking twice about whether I should tell my Dad goodbye or not. Or even hear him out.

I follow Taehyung up one more floor, into his apartment. Quite literally shaking from what just happened, and he tried to take care of me so well. He sits me down on his couch, takes my shoes off, and gets me a glass of water. Tells me to breathe in and out, tells me everything is going to be okay.

Something in me tells me he has done this before.

I could ask him one hundred questions right now, give him a thousand explanations, or freak out and run. But the first thing that comes out of my mouth is; “How did you know..?”

“I didn’t,”

“Let me explain,” he gestures for me to sit down on his couch.

He explained to me how he was walking up the stairwell and saw me walking through the hall, great time to have glass doors. He was going to call out for me until he heard me and my dad. Assuming the panic in my voice wasn’t something positive and felt like I just needed to get out of there.

“I hope it wasn’t the wrong move to make,” he asks looking somewhat apologetic, just in case.

“No, no you were great. I think with the bus and everything I owe you an explanation as well” I saw looking down at my hands fiddling with the hem of my sleeve.

I try to give him a light explanation, which is difficult since the story has so much to it. Sparing him the details of my childhood by just telling him he’s a very bad Dad, that I hadn’t seen for an entire year. That Jungkook lives downstairs and that, that’s why I was there in the first place.

“Oh and about the bus... You know Yoongi? Ashley’s friend?” I ask him, to which he nods in agreeance.

“Yeah well, that's the brother I was talking about, and.. we just had a big fight about how he doesn’t let me date and such,”

I can hear him sucking in his breath through his teeth at the mention of Yoongi being my brother, I guess his name has come across some time.

“I swear he can be really nice…” he chuckles at that, hand scratching the nape of his neck.

He walks over to his fridge holding up a Coke, looking at me with a questioning look to see if I want one as well, then hands it to me.

“So you live here?” I ask him.

“Ah no, my sister just moved here recently,” That makes sense, I’ve never seen him here before and I’ve been in the building plenty of times.

“She’s out for the weekend, I promised to watch her cat,”

My face immediately switches into a pouty face with big, big puppy eyes. “You have a cat? I love cats!”

He nods excitedly before he starts calling out pet names, making squeaky noises with his mouth to lure the cat to him.

He disappears into the hall for a second before his head peaks through the open doorway “Found her!” I immediately stand up walking towards him, into a bedroom.

I don’t see a cat at first, but upon better inspection, there’s a little tiny bump under the perfectly made-up duvet. I fold over the covers to reveal the cutest little cat I’ve ever seen. Okay well not the cutest, coco will always be no.1.

It’s a really small fluffy cat, she must still be a kitten. “What’s her name?” I ask between my awh’s and baby talks to the cat. I look over my shoulder to see him leaning against the doorframe.

“Bada, because of her eyes” I look back at the cat, she has have most crystal blue eyes, or, I guess ocean blue.

I lie down on the bed petting the cat's head before she rolls around exposing her belly, and stretching her little arms and legs out. I think I might melt from cuteness overload

“Aren’t you the cutest little thing,” I must sound so stupid, but it’s a cat! I can’t help it.

“Not to me she isn’t,” Taehyung says from behind me. “I’m taking you’re not a big cat person?”

Couldn’t be me. don’t get me wrong I like dogs, but you actually need to walk them and stuff. I like affectionate cats that are a little lazy, you can just cuddle with them and their playtime can be done from the couch.

“I actually own a dog, his name is Yeontan he’s like really cute and fluffy,” he tells me walking over to the edge of the bed with his phone out and showing me a picture of his dog.

I got to give it to him, he is cute.. most small dogs look like little rats but if they’re fluffy they’re a lot cuter.

“Okay, I guess he’s cute but.. over a cat?” I pick up Bada and hold her up next to my face, her arm right under my chin as I look at Taehyung with a pouty face.

Talking like a little kid “How could you have me?.. I don’t bite you’re just biased,” which makes him chuckle. He looks gorgeous, his laugh is so adorable and cute it instantly makes me smile along with him. Just looking at each other for a few seconds, smiling like two idiots.

“Uhm do you have a charger perhaps? I should probably bring my phone back from the dead,” I ask breaking our little stare-down. Which leads us back to the living room.

He searches for a charger because it’s not his house, it gives me a moment to inspect the room a little bit. I see a picture of Taehyung and what I assume must be his sister, stood on the TV stand.

She’s really pretty, she looks like Taehyung. Their family must be blessed with good genes. His sister has light brown hair and a bright smile so big her eyes are closed shut, a peace sign next to her cheek as Taehyung stands next to her poking out next to her, holding two fingers behind her head to imitate bunny ears.

Next to it is a smaller picture frame that holds a picture of what I’m guessing is Taehyung his sister and his little brother as kids, I can’t help but smile at it as I pick it up.

“Oh gosh that is so embarrassing, put that down,” he laughs seeing what I’m holding when he walks up to me, handing me a charger.

“Noo! You look cute,” I smile looking up at him over my shoulder, I feel like I’m about to faint as he looks back at me. He’s close, so close.

His hair falls over his forehead, lightly touching his right eyebrow. not a pimple or a pore to be seen, but the slightest little stubble peeks through on the bottom of his chin. his deep brown eyes have a subtle glint in them, I swear it's shaped like a four-pointed star.

My eyes falter down to his lips and I can see him inching closer, ever so slowly. Until I break it, clearing my throat and taking the charger from his hand. I mean I’d kill to kiss those gorgeous lips, but not today. I’ve been on such an emotional rollercoaster it just feels wrong to let those take over pleasure.

"Where's the outlet?" he takes a step back clearing his throat as well, his eyes scanning the room. "Yeah there," purposely not looking at each other. I walk in the direction he pointed at plugging in my phone, before sitting down on the couch.

And now it's back to awkward silence again. I slide my hands across my thighs and knees, lips forming in a tight line. He doesn't say anything either, sitting down on the couch next to me leaving more than enough space between us.

"You wanna watch a movie? Or should I get you home?" He asks me, so so polite, but going home? yeah hell no, that's not happening today. I think I'm going to text Jungkook when my phone charges to see if he's home and then sleep over at his place.

so movie time it is, it's great to spend some quality time with Taehyung. "Yeah no a movie sounds good" I patiently watch him as he turns the TV on navigating to Netflix.

"Fall?" he suggests. "hmn no," he continues scrolling. "Oh! Perks of Being a Wallflower?" I suggest. but he declines and says he didn't like it that much. "Me before you?" he looks at me, at this pace it'll be a continuous loop of this and that. but I've seen it already, and to be honest I don't want to watch it again.

"OH! She's the man! I love that movie!" I see the hesitant look on his face, but something in him makes him go with it.

I tuck my knees up on the couch, inching a tiny bit closer to Taehyung. I don't know what happened but by the end of the movie I was cuddled up into his arms, I heard him laugh during the movie. he turned the TV off, taking his arm off of me.

"Did you like it?" I look at him hopefully, awaiting his approval of the movie. if he doesn't like it I don't know what I'll do. "It was.. good! I liked it," he smiles. this is one of the movies in my top 10 list, god top 5 even! And he thinks it's good? he liked it? This is a great movie, an awesome movie.

I stare at him in awe, unbelievable that he just said that. I shake my head in disagreement, though he picks it up the right way laughing along with me.

"Thank you for having me over," I thanked him, it was late already when I got here. after a whole movie, I really should get going.

I thank him once more unplugging my phone from the charger seeing it's nearly 2.30 in the morning. He walks me out, my eyes linger across his features once more as I stand outside of the door. It takes everything in me not to kiss him right on the spot. "I'll text you," I smile widely at him.

I don't text Jungkook I'm only one floor above him, and I'll pass his door anyway. I make my way downstairs knocking on his door for the second time this night. He's probably still awake, playing overwatch or something.

And the door opens this time. But I don't see Jungkook, no. Mingyu opens the door ever so cheerfully, welcoming me in without a doubt. "Hey, Mingyu! Jungkook home?"

"Sorry Yun, I don't think he’ll be home tonight but you're free to take his room," that’s embarrassing. Mingyu knows absolutely nothing about me, and yet he just knows I need a place to sleep. "Thanks. I’ll... text him,"

His room is neat, bed made perfectly. I hold my phone up to my ear. Ringing, once, twice, trice, like four hundred more times I don't know. it feels like an eternity until it goes to voicemail, which leaves me with a text.

no matter how close Jungkook and I are, it's still weird to sleep in his bed without him knowing.

Hey Koo, I'm staying over at yours just so you know.

What a rough night, I went from crying at home to being emotionally rescued by Jungkook. Then going home meeting Taehyung on the bus, just to rudely push him off of it. Meeting up with Yoongi five seconds later, fighting once again, getting back to Jungkook’s apartment where I found my Dad after a whole year to once again be rescued by Taehyung this time. Followed up by Mingyu letting me into Jungkook's apartment and now we're here.

I don’t think it's a crime to say that I'm tired, and I just want to sleep the night away. I'm actually doing fairly well for the rollercoaster I've been on, Taehyung really helped me out tonight.

I scavage around Jungkook’s dresser to find a black shirt, placing it on the bed. taking my makeup off in the bathroom, Jungkook was right this morning. I really do look terrible. Gosh, I went to Taehyung's like this? I hope he didn't wear his contacts.

Back in Jungkook’s room, in his shirt that's far too big on me. I settle down in his bed, off to fucking, unicorns, and elves or something. I'm going to dream so, so well, Jungkook's bed is like a cloud in physical form. And before I know it I'm off to dreamland.

at least that's what I think, I sent Jungkook that message 15 minutes ago tops. And he walks in, doesn't even say anything but cuts right to the chase and kisses me with force, hungrily whilst cupping my cheeks.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you all day Yun, you drive me insane," he says between kisses, trailing down my jaw and my neck as I give him more space to mark me even more than he already has.

he moves onto the bed, pushing me further back against his pillows. his lips work me so good I think I’ll get addicted to it soon.

He takes off his shirt, pulling at the hem of mine placing small kisses all over my face. His hands are all over me, massaging my thighs, trailing up over my hips to hold my waist whilst the other one is holding himself up as he hovers over me.

He just knows what to do, gets me so wet so easily. Skip the foreplay, fuck me right now. mainly because this foreplay feels like it's taking forever, I just want him out of his jeans right now.

I move my face away from him, pulling the shirt off that I'd been wearing. The sight of my bare chest is all it takes for him to start unbuckling his belt, his abs on full display, oh lord I love this sight. wish I could marry this sight.

His hair falls in front of his face trickling his nose, gosh he looks so goddamn handsome.

My eyes shoot open and I'm met by the sight of Jungkook's PC setup. What the fuck, did I seriously just have a sex dream about Jungkook?? my best friend? My head shoots to the door as Jungkook walks in, the real one. He peeks his head through to see if I'm asleep or not.

"Jungkook?.." I nearly whisper. He takes this as his queue to come in, dimly turning on the lights. rushing over to my side of the bed, crouching down next to me as I swing my legs over the edge. knees facing his chest, taking my hands in his.

"Are you okay? what happened?" He looks panicked, I feel guilty. he must think something major is going on because I'm staying over. well maybe because I came by at 2.30 in the morning, or a combination of the two.

"Where did you come from? You’re out of breath," Though I feel guilty I can’t help but suck in a deep breath, this stupid dream is making me delusional into thinking I’m attracted to him.

"Yun, You're here at 2 in the morning what's going on"

"I'm fine really," I assure him. I don't know if I want to break down in his arms or pretend like everything is fine. I don’t want to burden him each time with my issues, we barely ever talk about him and his situation.

but he insists no matter how much I hold on to the 'I'm fine act' he doesn't let it pass until I spill everything out.

"Okay.." I sigh letting my shoulders drop, here it goes.

"So... I left your apartment and when I got on the bus, Taehyung was sitting there. I push him off of the bus and at the next stop I meet Yoongi, we go out to eat. he tells me he hell basically never let me date and that I'm the big cause of turning Dad into what I turned into. well, he didn't tell me that exactly but that's what it felt like okay. Anyways, I ran off and came back to your apartment but nobody opens so I went to the elevator where I saw my Dad, I nearly got a panic attack but then Taehyung was there yelling out something about a store and I needed to come back so we go to his apartment upstairs, sorry I mean his sister's apartment that has a really really cute cat by the way a-"

"Yun, Yun," he waves his hands around a little cutting me off. "Your Dad was here? in my building?" he asks, his brows furrowing a little as his expression turns into a combination of complete shock and something that makes me think he isn't processing this properly.

"Yeah, But it's fine! Taehyung and I watched a movie and I actually feel way better right now," that's not a lie, I do feel better. I was shocked at first and yeah I might've had a slight panic attack, but now it just feels numb. I see he's doubting me, eyebrows raised with a questioning look on his face. "Seriously" I assure.

"Alright," he stands up his hands ghosting mine before he walks over to his dresser grabbing the pyjamas that are folded on top of it heading back to his door. "Let me know if you need anything m’kay?"

I nod with a small smile, more like the corner of my lip inching up for a split second. He walks back out, turning the lights off before he shuts the door.

It falls silent. I grab my phone off of the nightstand to check the time. 3.40 am. I should really be going back to sleep. I lay back down on my back, staring at the ceiling waiting to fall asleep again. I close my eyes but all I see are flashbacks of the stupid, stupid dream I had. I shouldn't think about it, nope.

Lasagna, yes I'll make lasagna tomorrow *Jungkook’s abs* no no no. Okay uhm, Karaoke. I should practice my singing. Yeah! That IU song has been going well, I should learn the second verse. Or maybe something with a higher range, I mean certainly the f#5 was harsh on me first but I think I've got it. Maybe I could up it a notch by going for like a G5. I know Sia's chandelier is also *Jungkook* no no no. No!

Maybe something sad? Today was sad! shit, what if Yoongi texted me? I flip my phone over to look at it. 3.50, that took me ten whole minutes to think about? Woah.

I unlock my phone and I see exactly one message. From the group chat, something about Kai and his slutty waist or something, I don't know. But nothing from Yoongi, glad to know my brother cares so much. Who am I kidding I should be glad to be free from him for a second.

He worries about the wrong things, worries about things that aren’t there. Talking to guys is forbidden but walking off in the middle of the night where anything could happen, that’s okay with him? I could’ve been kidnapped countless amounts of times, I guess he’s used to me running off.

Wait, what if Dad went home after he saw me? what if he's there right now? I don’t know what a disaster it could be back at home. I don’t know if when I go home tomorrow I'll stumble upon a murder scene or a trashed house, or a bleeding out Yoongi with a drunk mom and dad in the room or-

I sigh deeply, this is too stressful for me to think about at the moment. Hey well, at least I'm not thinking about Jungkook's big, big strong veiny hands anymore. oh, what is wrong with me?

That's why I decided to get out of his bed and go over to the living room. He's sitting on the couch, TV on. I can see there's a soju bottle on the coffee table unable to tell if it is full, empty, or partially drank.

The back of the couch is facing the bedroom doors, he can't tell I’m here.

"Koo?" I sound quiet but it's still enough to make him turn around and look at me. "I can't sleep" I haven't properly tried but my mind is racing from thought to thought and when I do actually sleep all that I can seemingly think about is Jungkook and his crazy good abs.

he nudges his head for me to come towards him. he adjusts his position to lie down completely on his back, with his neck looking for support on the armrest whilst holding out an arm for me to join him. so I do, lying down on his chest and closing my eyes as I lay down.

His attention stays stuck on the TV, now with a lowered volume. My back is facing the screen anyway, the only thing I pay attention to is the rising and falling of Jungkook’s chest and his heartbeat beating in an exact pattern. That is until I hug his waist and let out a big sigh of relief. It goes from a steady pattern to a moment of nothingness until it switches back to its original pattern.

“Thanks for letting me stay,”

“Anytime,” His hand falls on top of my arm that’s hugging him, the pads of his fingers lightly tracing figures on it.

“Hope I didn’t intrude on your plans,” I look up at him.

“Never,” he smiles.

“I was watching football with Eunwoo, Guesung and Minghao. Mingyu was supposed to be there but he had to pick his girlfriend up from the airport,” he explains.

I hum at that readjusting my head back to its original position, on his chest. “Sorry for giving you a heart attack,”

“Yun,” He moves his hand under my chin lifting it up to look at him. “Promise me that next time you fight with Yoongi, or see your Dad -no matter if something happens or not- You’ll call me,”

“Sure? Yoongi loves arguing,”

“You know what I mean,” he says, taking his hand away from my face. “Promise me,”

“Okay…”

“Say it” He insists, making me smile.

“I promise” Now I can sleep, in peace.

prev | next

[marcspectorstannie]

✣Ken trying to impress you bc he has a unknown crush on you✣

Summary:Ken realized that impressing someone in the real world was a lot different than impressing someone in Barbie land (sorry this is so damn late😣school been wooping my ass)

When Ken first returned to the real world without Barbie he was bummed,no Barbie to follow around, no matching outfits with Barbie. He missed Barbie. But he knew that thinking about her would just make him more upset. And Ken is too manly to be caught upset except by Barbie.

After staying in the real world for a few days,Ken ran into you on the street, quiet literally. He wasn't looking where he was going and slammed face first into you. "Oh jeez, are you ok?" He asked cautiously,watching you rub your nose."Yea I'm fine,thank you.I'm actually in kind of a hurry right now so thank you again!" You almost rushed off until Ken grabbed your arm."Wait,I think I've seen you around before.Barbie Lan- I mean,uh,where I come from, I recognize alot of faces I've seen before." He had seen you before. He's seen you walking down the street, at a coffee shop, in a store, at the beach.

He's not a stalker. He's just always 'running into you'.

"Hey yeah I do remember you. I've seem you around a few places. Your bright aura always caught my eye." Ken's eyebrows raised as you gave him a light smile. You noticed him? And his... Aura? Whatever that was, he didn't know. He was just happy to finally be noticed. He knew that after that confession or what he took it as he had to up his game.

"Well, where you headed? I could make up this 'accident' we had and finally introduced myself." Ken gave a slight smirk of confidence as he subtly not really tried to flex his muscles. "Not heading somewhere you wanna be that's for sure. Gotta go to work at an office." You complained, Ken now walking with you down the street. He wasn't listening much when you talked about what you had to do but started to pay attention when you mentioned a guy.

"Then this guy, I'm so sick of him, he keeps trying to talk to me every day but he's so anno-".Ken was furious inside, even though he didn't really have a reason to. 'The nerve that guy has to bother them... He's probably just like Ken and trying to get with them.' "Hey watch out!" You jerked him back away from the oncoming car in the street. He was too deep in his thoughts to even hear the car coming. In his fault, Barbie Land cars don't really make noise or go that fast. "You didn't see that coming?" You questioned him, watching his eyes go big.

You were gripping his hand.

Barbie never did that to him. Ken didn't even hear you talking to him, he was too focused on your hand in his. "Hey you alright? You seem in shock." You pulled him to the side and let go of his hand. He was sad you stopped touching him. "Um, yea I'm ok, totally." Ken plastered a big smile on his face to hide his disappointment. You looked at your phone and sighed. "Well, I'm already late. I guess we can just stay out and talk." He secretly wished you wouldn't go to work so he could stay with you. This time he contained his happiness and gave a smirk and head nod. "I'm ok with that."

You led him to a coffee shop up the street,this time watching for cars so he doesn't get hit. "So, I told you all about me. I don't know much about you,mystery blonde." Ken held back his squeal from the nickname you gave him."Well I'm from around here, totally...where I come from is a lot less hectic than here." You cocked your head to the side. "How so? Most of every where around here is very hectic so I doubt you're from here." Ken sighed as he tried to explain Barbie Land to you, trying not to weird you out.

After a while you managed to believe him. He was too 'perfect' to just be from here. "You know, I could totally beach with you. If you're down of course." Ken boasted, still trying to flex his muscles. You watched him look around nervously as he gave you quick glances. He tried to take a sip of the drink you ordered for him and ended up pouring it all over his face. You held back your laugh as you gave him some napkins to wipe with."That usual doesn't have anything in it,um." Ken chuckled quietly and shifted his eyes to the side, embarrassed by what happened.

That was so uncool.

[thedragonagebigbang]

Bang Creator Interview: Tumblr: @crabs-with-sticks  |  AO3: CrabsWithSticks

The Collaboration period has begun! In these quiet months before works are due, we want to foster a sense of excitement, camaraderie, and celebration among our participants. To that end, all participants were given the option of a formal interview by our mod, Dema, or an informal “ask-game” survey. We hope you enjoy getting to know our phenomenal creators as much as we have!

Found Family in Crisis!!!!!! How This Local Woman's Life Just Keeps Getting Worse!!!  

Jacs and Dema talk music, tragedy, DMing tabletop games, and OCs who won't follow the damn rules

Dema: Good morning! Happy Saturday. Are you writing today? 

Jacs: I'm hoping to! Though I might be taking a break from my actual project to do some fun oneshots. Give myself a bit of time away from the tragedy of my bang fic and write something happy haha

Dema: That is very fair! Especially with heavier fics. How do you get in the zone to write, regardless of the project? Or does it vary depending on the vibes of your fic?

Jacs: Normally it involves getting nice and cozy under a blanket on the couch with a good cup of tea. I'll sometimes put a playlist on to get into a particular vibe, I've got a bunch of character playlists which can help get into the perspective of whatever oc I'm writing that day.

Dema: I won't get too specific with this question but, if there is one song on your playlist that especially fits your bang fic, what would it be?

Jacs: Hmm, I'd say probably 'Sampson' by Regina Spektor. The song is based on a tragic biblical story and is all about what could have happened if things had worked out differently. If the love had been enough to save them, then they wouldn't have been remembered by history but they would have been happy.

Dema: Oh okay, arrow straight to the heart. I see, I see.

Jacs: Yeah, I'm a known tragedy enjoyer, just rolling around in the sadness like a dog in a puddle. In order to get optimal levels of tragedy you gotta have some happiness first just so that readers can really see that it didn't have to be this way (but they never could have changed it).

Dema: I can't wait to read it! I also love tragedy, and especially in that ratio. Is there a particular one-shot idea you have kicking around, to cleanse the palate?

Jacs: Not sure! Though probably something with my oc Luca Trevelyan with Dorian, though I haven't actually managed to get very far through that particular playthrough yet....I'm a bit of a serial oc creator who then never gets around to actually playing them in the game.

Dema: Do you always make your OCs in game? Even if you don't get around to the playthrough? 

Jacs: Yep! It’s probably my favourite part of Dragon Age, or any CRPG. I really like thinking up characters, with their conflicts and histories. I'm a forever DM in real life, so I'm fairly used to making up characters and then never playing them, although at least with Dragon Age I already know the events of the game they'll be going through, so I have a better idea of their development arcs. I am trying to do a re-playthrough of the whole series before Veilguard comes out, but we'll see how successful that is haha.

Dema: Do you find that DMing has informed the way you structure your stories?

Jacs: I'd say that it probably has. When I DM I'm always keeping a hand on the pulse of all the characters, their emotions and where they're at in their arcs, because my aim is really to tell a good story. So I think it can help me to see things from the big picture as well as a more mechanical perspective. Though sometimes I do need to tell myself to stop looking at the big picture and just focus on what is at hand.

Dema: I'm a bit in awe of DMs. To me it seems like being the conductor of an orchestra, except all your musicians are improvising. Do your characters sometimes feel like players? Or do they tend to stay within the lines?

Jacs: They do end up getting away from me sometimes, or they'll do something that leaves me going 'huh, why did you just make that decision', because I know it's accurate but I'm not entirely sure why. Though sadly there's no actual player to ask...just my brain. I was intending to make quite a whimsical and happy Brosca, but she just keeps doing morally grey things!

Dema: HAHA ah yes, relatable. I find it's such an interesting balance, for me, between wanting everything in the story to feel a bit inevitable (especially in a tragedy!) and embracing the realism of some things just not having a clear explanation, especially character decisions.

Jacs: Yeah for sure! It's great when characters are messy and contradictory, I just wish it wasn't so hard...I had a character at one point who was making a whole bunch of decisions I wasn't expecting or had planned for, and I'd try to think 'ok why is this character doing this?' and all she supplied in return was 'I'm lactose intolerant'...which honestly was a very in character response; just straight up ignoring the question. 

Dema: A character in writing, or a character in a campaign you were DMing?

Jacs: A character I was writing.

Dema: Hahaha, incredible.

Jacs: I sometimes have, I guess little 'conversations' with my characters in my head where I tap into the section of my brain that they live in.

Dema: That's a great strategy! Is that how your characters first come to be?

Jacs: Hmm, I think the conversation part comes a bit later when I have some context for them, either in their history or in the game itself. It starts off as a lot of collaging together different ideas until it makes a full character. Often I start off from a particular theme or emotional angle I'm interested in exploring. So one started off as 'religious trauma', and another from 'idealism in a cruel society' and so on.

Dema: Has that first theme or idea ever come from a really unexpected source? And related to this, do you tend to be primarily inspired by the source material itself? I know that's a big reason so many of us love DA in particular.

Jacs: I think the themes are usually all ideas that I'm already interested in, but it's super fun seeing the way it can connect to the worldbuilding and lore. I think it's really important for characters to have specifics which tie them into the world around them, so thinking about how their family might have lived in the particular part of the world they're from, how they and the people around them either adhere to or go against it, and what impact that would have on their story. It's really fun looking at how a theme can change based on where the character comes from, like a character with conflict based around religious trauma is going to be different if they're human, Dalish or a city elf, and the world will react to them differently because of that.

Dema: Now I simply must ask you if you ever write AU fics.

Jacs: I haven't written many to be honest, though I do have some ideas for some. It can be hard translating a story that is really rooted in the specifics of one particular world and translating that to another. So I'm always really impressed to see when other people do it so well! I often find you can find a good parallel for one aspect of a character, but then you have to try to fit a second aspect or character conflict in and it doesn't fit the new world at all!

Dema: I feel the same!

Jacs: Writing; it's hard man.

Dema: It is! So why do you do it!? And a follow-up question: writing is hard, and you're signed up for a Big Bang! What made you interested? Is it your first one or have you done this before?

Jacs: It's like a wonderful little puzzle; except it can be all wibbly wobbly and just like real life it doesn't always need to make sense- it's lovely just to embrace the humanness of character writing!

So a bit of context, I recently finished postgraduate studies, and realised I didn't have any hobbies! I used to love creative writing of any sort when I was but a young whippersnapper (they say, in their mid 20s), so I decided to embrace the cringe and get back at it. I've never participated in any fandom events, or even written something this long that wasn't academic! But I'm really loving the community around this event and getting to chat to other writers as we all write (and suffer) together!

Dema: In the last minutes, and just for fun: can you come up with a click-bait title for your fic? Without giving anything major away, of course.

Jacs: Maybe something like 'Found Family in Crisis!!!!!! How This Local Woman's Life Just Keeps Getting Worse!!!’  (To quote the venerable Sir Terry Prattchet: And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.)

Dema: Ten out of Ten, would click again. Thank you so much for setting aside this time to chat with me!

Jacs: No worries! I had a great time!

[littlesislovesyou]

Oh no I know the reason you kept them to yourself and I'd love for you to keep it that way. It is more special <3 but it also is comforting to know that only you and me know what's in my head. And maybe people who follow you get to see like the 1 percent I leak out in the asks you actually answer from me LOL idk I feel more confident knowing you'll have me as your dirty little secret as you are mine. 🤭🔪

But I would love that thought so much 💞 I'll gladly help you with angles you can't on your own while resisting my primal urges screaming in both of my heads as my eyes can't get enough of you in every shot and angle. And I'd love to be the hand wrapped around your throat in pictures or perhaps the one holding the knife...driving everyone else crazy and making them wish they were me in that moment <3333 then when we're done making content I'm gonna make you cry and scream my name to the roof and the poor neighbors outside as I breed and fuck you til you can't walk~ Unleashing all of my desires on you once the job well done is over...

Fuckkkkk in that sense you have so much control over me. I'm just a pawn in your game of chess that yearns for and can't stop thinking about you. But you can have me anytime you want and turn me into something more. Promoting me further so I can have you all to myself. But I'd always be wrapped around your little finger and I'd never forget you even if I wanted to try...every relationship or sexual encounter just reminds me that I want you. Need youuu 🥵 no one would ever compare <3333

I think you described us both in simple words

"I could fix her but honestly whatever the fuck is wrong with her is way hotter" 😭 but tysmmmm,your reassurance means alot and it's that kindness that leads to brief moments of feeling like I can be vulnerable with you and you won't snap. Won't get mad. You'll just listen and even if you don't understand completely you'd be there and it's enough for me to cry tbh lmaoooo

But yes let's be fucked up, depraved and nasty together~ No one else needs to know or have what we do~ Together 😈💕

Honestly it's the fact that you said that. That you love this and can handle what I have to give that makes me feel like I don't have to hold back. Like I can both hug you and do unspeakably filthy things to you and you'd thank me for it even as I apologize 💕💕

I'm happy you like them so much though thank you. And yes I found your blog and went through the 5 stages of grief of whether or not I should fall into this depraved hole and accept I am into way darker shit than I realized and eventually reached acceptance and stayed. Your responses, personality and concepts really sold me on staying though.

I still can't reblog from here though. You really are my dirty little secret that I can't let people know about but I'll promise to make up for that these asks and attention.

So yes I stalked you for a whole month while debating myself. Like a conflicted being being tempted by the taboo and then the fates decided and I too. Should stay and perhaps have you all for myself 🖤 but sharing you with your followers because hey I'm not evil. The amount of horny older men you've tempted on here...you've gotta take responsibility yk? But something tells me you'd like that...being loaned out and shared by your owner and used like a desperate slut, a needy fuckpet tempting married men from their wives and siblings to fuck their lil sis...have you no shame? But then again...I suppose when I'm with you. I don't have any shame either for liking and getting off to what we do... 😈🖤

Hehe 🫶☺️ I also keep them bc I don’t want anyone else seeing all the nasty and depraved disgustingly hot things you’d like to do to me<333 my eyes only;’) you’re my little secret🖤 you could probably tell me your dirtiest fantasy and it would probably make me wet I won’t even lie<333

Agh yes💕 you would do such great camera work for sure<3 making sure everything looks good, and when your hand wraps around my throat for the picture you’ll be who I’m staring up at🖤🖤🖤 something tells me we’d always be on each other like two animals<3 all the time and I love it🖤🫶 you take after my own kinky heart<3

And ahhh so true;’) also I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough to explore a new side to yourself I won’t even lie some of the things I post I wasn’t into before I made the blog, some of them kinda just developed for me, ahh sorry I don’t wanna ramble but yeah so never feel bad for that🖤 I’m really glad you stayed to enjoy my filthy posts<3

And also how did u like perfectly describe me bc literally I cannot really ever make anyone feel bad about themselves that’s just not in me, I also don’t know why I would get mad at you for being vulnerable, like ever, I’m really glad you feel like you can be!🥺💕

I’d love to just explore your most fucked up fantasies with you;’) 🖤🖤🖤

And agh hey don’t worry about it, I understand honestly🖤🖤 I don’t mind being your secret at all 🫣

And ahhh that’s so hottt hh<3 you’re gonna make me melt 💕 are you my owner in this case?;’) because that’s the only way I’m going to enjoy it~

Having you keep me as your slutty personal pet, would you share me?;’) take photos for me and help me decide which ones to post, which ones you like best<333 ahh

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

HELLO YES I´D LOVE TO KNOW ABT JAY´S EYE??? i´m guessing skybound related?? (i am SOOO curious abt your plans for skybound btw aaaaaa!!!!)

(adgsfgsdfass i actually hadn´t noticed it first, my dumbass went and looked at the pretty lights of the ferris wheel and brain shut down lmaoo, gotta step up my game >:0)

also damn!! those are some GOOD colors, the atmosphere is amazing!!!! been to the beach when the weather is like that, scary stuff!!!

Operation Rainbow Lights Distraction is successful *-*)9

Kidding, but it's good to know that his eye is both subtle yet striking! S'what I was going for!

Anywaaaay, explanation time! Grab popcorn and really think about if you're ready to discuss fantasy eye trauma before jumping in <3

So we all know Jay gets an eyepatch in Skybound, but in actuality Clancee just gives it to him for aesthetic reasons, even though Future!Jay was seen to have one back in S5. And, of course, the fandom has run rampant with all sorts of deliciously angsty ideas (blinding him, making it a different color, gouging his eye out, etc), but I...can't do that lmao

-Blinding his eye completely would cause too much of a butterfly effect for a lot of the things he does in later seasons, and I am already juggling enough subplots lmao. Besides, this is one of the common go-tos for him and I wanna take a different approach. -I can't change the color of his eye without going against my own established lore (I did consider just making it a light blue but a) that's also a common thing and b) would wind up looking too close to Zane SO—) -I don't have the stomach to gouge his eye out completely. I can tear Zane limb from limb, carve into Kai's face like a Christmas ham, and have Lloyd nearly lose a hand but I can't bring myself to do that aaaaaaaAAAAA–

BUT I wanted to do something interesting with his eye, and to do something at least a little bit different from what I've personally seen.

Soooo then instead of some kind of external injury (that is, a physical trauma caused by someone/something else), I started looking into the effects that Lightning can have on the eye (so for my purposes, something Jay would inflict on himself). Turns out there's actually possible "lightning injuries" that can occur on the eye (rare though they are), ranging from star-shaped cataracts, electrical burns, iris collapsing (kinda cool, but also ew and horrifying), and ofc effects on vision itself without just straight up blindness.

There's also that I haven't seen very many changes with his sclera (white eye part) either. From scleritis to simple eye strain, the eyes can become bloodshot...but, what if it was permanent, and what if it was from electricity?

ANYWAY I put all this info into a blender and made the following smoothie out of it:

So during Skybound, Jay gets chained up in Vengestone on Nadakhan's ship and mercilessly tortured, yadda ya, but instead of one of the pirates inflicting harm onto Jay, he still tries to force the use of his powers even through the Vengestone, which causes an internal surge within him (as his powers "run in circuits", and applying Vengestone essentially makes his powers an "open circuit", meaning they have no current to follow/no outlet to head towards, so all that power/energy just gets channelled back inward and goes nowhere)

...meaning that the force of the attempt "blows" Jay's eye out from the strain (not literally, but think of it like he's having a contained Outburst, with all that power trying to channel out through the eyes as it would naturally but it can't). The resulting flash/pain turns his eye glassy, makes his eye bloodshot (but instead of "blood" its with electricity, hence the blue), and affects the shape of his pupil (making it diamond star-shaped, though you can't really tell in the tarot card unless you squint).

Resulting complications of this are that his one eye becomes extremely sensitive to certain amounts of light, his eye tears up randomly and get easily irritated, it causes chronic pain on that one side of his head, there's a on-and-off haze around his gaze, and he does start to gradually get worsening vision as he gets older (but not until he passes on his powers to whomever).

He wears the eyepatch when the environment is particularly bright (or he's meeting someone new and doesn't wanna freak 'em out), but without both his eyes his precision and evasive ability gets hindered (which is inconvenient when you're lightning. Also inconvenient when you're trying to teleport and lack depth perception). So, sometimes it's a gamble of if he wants to miss his target, or to avoid excruciating, crippling pain.

But other than that he's fine <3

[celestialanon]

Mc Uses “Daddy” Affectionately

Hello dear readers! Here’s a nice feel good set of scenarios for you! Admittedly, I have a hard time taking the word “daddy” seriously, but I’ve heard it be used affectionately and thought it would be cute with the brothers! So I hope you guys enjoy this one! (I think it will become increasingly obvious I enjoy writing fluff content haha!)

Another thing I want to mention is that I will be leaving requests open for both headcanons and oneshots! If you guys would like to see something, please don’t hesitate to leave a request <3 With that out of the way, have a lovely read!

Lucifer

You were greeted with a familiar sight when you entered Lucifer's room. Hunched over, a hand massaging over his forehead as a pile of papers sat on his desk. Whatever Diavolo had assigned to him this week was surely getting to him, irritation written all over his face.

You walked over and placed a cup of coffee at his desk, gaining his attention. With a small smile, you rubbed at his shoulder. He knew he was doing that thing again where he was letting himself drown in his work, you scooted the coffee closer to him.

"Working hard, or hardly working?" You joked, and he just sighed at your dad like humor. He accepted the coffee, setting his pen down with a frown.

"I know I know, I must pace myself. But I didn't expect Diavolo to have piled so many requests so suddenly." As he sipped at the hot coffee, you moved to massaging at his back, watching his tense figure slowly loosen.

"Aw daddy, you gotta take care of yourself too, y'know?" Your words made him pause, you have called him many names, but not that one. He hummed, choosing not to embarrass you in this moment even though he very much could.

He concluded he quite liked the name you called him. He wanted to tease you, but he held it in. He settled with placing a kiss to your knuckles before you left him. He would surely tease you next time though.

Mammon

Sadly, you had not seen your precious demon since early morning. You were stuck with back to back classes, unable to socialize with most of the brothers really. It left you longing for his attention. That's why you scrambled your way out to the dining area for lunch to look for Mammon, wondering if he too missed you at all.

You spotted him easily among the other demons, chatting away with a few friends. He was probably going on about some wild story that half wasn't true, typical Mammon. Yet, the demons listened to him intently, offering praise. You decided to slip behind him quietly, going to wrap your arms around his shoulders and smiling against his cheek. He flinched in surprise, relieved to find out it was just you.

"Huh? Mc! What you doin here?!" But he was happy you found him, his hand going to clutch at your arm around him. You grinned wide, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

"I missed you daddy, classes were lame. As usual. I needed to see my favorite demon~" You cooed, purposefully teasing him in front of his friends that were now whistling and cheering him on. He went beet red, trying to pry you off him but it was a weak attempt.

"H-Hey! What are ya saying all of a sudden! This couldn't have waited?"

"No way." You give him another kiss, just to shut him up. He may be protesting against you now, but deep down he felt a swell of pride. He was yours, and it's like you were showing that off. In other words, he loved it.

Leviathan

It had been a lazy day of the week where you found yourself once again lounging in Levi's computer chair. He actually had gotten this one especially for you a while back, maximum comfort, you loved him for it. You were currently enjoying a bag of some chips as you watched him play a game you both have recently come to enjoy. It was pretty new, and he was running through the shop to see the available skins.

"This is the one you really liked, right? I'll get it for you! We can wear our new skins together next game!" He grinned widely, watching your eyes lighten up. He did this often, gifting you in game skins and such whenever you liked a certain character. It was just his way of showing you some affection. You reached over to pinch his chin with a thankful smile, a surprise peck on the lips that had him blushing.

"Aww, thanks daddy. I can't way to play with you!" You released his chin, slipping back into your chair and stuffing your face happily. But the poor guy had froze in his spot, replaying what you had just said in his mind over and over. What did you just call him? And why did he sort of like it?? Why was his face burning right now?

"I-I, Uhm-" He wasn't sure how to respond. You looked at him with worry, placing a hand on his knee to sooth him. Didn't you know how weak you made him? How much your words effected him? Maybe you didn't know...

"Is something wrong? You ok?" Your hand lightly shakes his knee, and he just stared down at his controller, eyes fluttering shut in embarrassment. Deep down, he wants you to say it again.

"N-No, it's nothing! Don't worry about it!"

Satan

You forced him to watch the movie Old Yeller. One about a dog and his relationship with a little boy during post civil war times. It was a book he had mentioned he enjoyed, so he was more than happy to join you. And he really thought he had been prepared, but when the dog had to be put down, he found his lips quivering by the end of the movie.

You knew Satan felt deeply, and he seemed to have such a connection to animals. It was a very sweet part of him you adored. When you turned to notice the tears streaming down his face, a hand coming up to cover his lips, you immediately pulled him into your arms. You couldn't help the small chuckle escape you from how innocent it was, he leaned his body into your chest while wiping at his eyes.

"It's ok daddy, it was just a movie. I'm sure the dog had a lot of treats after the shoot." You stroked through his hair, hearing him sniffle against you. He almost didn't even register what you had said, enjoying your comforting arms as you held him. He moved off your chest to look at you with an adorable frown.

"W-What did you call me?" He was shocked, but he didn't hate it. He's just never been called that before. You couldn't help but laugh as you passed him a tissue. He blowed his nose comically, eyes squinting curiously while you smiled at him.

"What's so funny?" He asked, feeling his face get warm. You shrugged innocently, wiping at the few remaining tears on his face. He was an emotional wreck, but he was your emotional wreck.

Asmodeus

Pet names were never uncommon between the two of you. He threw out words like they were for free on a daily basis, you wondered if he managed to forget your real name at some point. You always tried to give him new ones as well, seeing what worked for him and what didn't. That was your current dilemma as you branded the short strands of his hair, smiling as he looked at himself in the mirror.

"These braids look quite pretty on me, don't they Mc?" He was admiring your work, inspecting the colorful pins you had used to hold his hair in place. You pushed a strand of hair out of his face, pinning it back with the rest.

"Daddy, you always look so pretty." You assured him, and a small gasp left his lips. He pondered for a moment. Did he like it? Was it fitting for him? He's heard it before, but this was new coming from you! He pointed to himself with a question.

"Really? Does it work for me?" Oh Asmo, most things worked for you. But he was so used to your sweet nicknames, so this one came as a surprise to him. He was staring at you, and you couldn't help the small blush on your face.

"I think it does. Do you not like it?" You asked, running your fingers through his bangs. He thought about it again, leaning into the touch of your fingers. He finally smiled, a glint in his eye only you could discern.

"I do. Call me it again, Mc."

Beelzebub

It had been a very long workout session for the big guy. He found himself not only doing his own workout routine, but helping his fellow demons work out theirs. They looked up to him like a mentor, and Beel was always happy to be of service to someone. So of course, being the kind guy he was, he helped a few demons get their routine on track.

His large figure slumped through the kitchen, his stomach grumbling could be heard down the halls. His eyes wandered over to your figure, nose following the addicting scent that led him over to you. You looked up at him with a lopsided smile, reaching up to hold his face in your hands.

"Hey daddy, are you hungry? Big workout today?" He hummed softly, his arms ringing around your waist and pulling you closer. He blinked down at you, his face warming up a bit. Every time you used a nickname on him, he felt as if you were spoiling him. This was the same. He whined against your lips, giving you a small kiss in greeting.

"Yeah. They wouldn't leave me alone even though I was so hungry~" You laughed at him, patting his back with a small "there there." You knew he was happy to help even if he complained. Then you moved aside, showing him that you were surprising him with after - workout spaghetti and meatballs.

"You're the beeeest Mc." He pulled you back into his arms, basically clinging to you with all his might. It was a little hard to cook this way, but you could do it!

Belphegor

Waking up the demon was a difficult task, but you never backed down so easily. Even though he just looked too cute... cuddling close to you like that. You started off with light touches, poking at his cheeks and calling his name. He grumbled under his breath, his voice thick with sleep. You smiled as you watched him shift under the covers, trying to move your hand away from his face.

"Come on daddy~ you can wake up now. Classes start soon you know? We don't want Lucifer getting mad again." You cooed to him, your hands moving down to stroke his neck in effort to wake him up. He groaned again, but this time you can see his lips beginning to stretch in a smile. He pulled himself closer to you, burying his face into your chest. You started stroking your hands into his hair.

"I want to hear it again..." You could feel his lips move against your chest, and you stifled your laugh. You rolled your eyes, hugging his head as he decided to hide himself away.

"What? 'Daddy'?" You repeated above him, deciding to tease him further because he refused to get up.

"Nahhh, you're more like a baby. Right, baby Bell. Who's a cute little-" That woke him up. He pushed you off of him with a pout on his lips. You apologized, repeating the name over and over just to get his sudden bratty mood down. That's what happens when you baby the baby!

[3collecurei]

Homestucktober 2023 (1-5)

1) Patron Troll

Seer gang rise up ✊🏽 (I'd done two classpect tests since 2012 and both times I was a Seer, my aspect just changed from Void to Doom which isn't a good sign lol...although the one I just tried from 4chan is telling me I'm a Page of Void now...I mean I'll take it because it's an aspect I've gotten before but I'm not really trying to be Jake or Tavros out here they both got so screwed over lol)

Anyway if she were my actual patron in a game session I'd be fucking terrified because of what she puts John and Dave through but also probably laughing my ass off at her antics and impressed by her intense sensing ability despite the blindness

2) Favorite Beta Kid

Dave Strider is much needed comedic relief in such a tragic tale and his ramblings are often as deeply philosophical as they are deeply ridiculous. I don't even have the right words to describe all this character has done for me. I'm in love with the Time aspect even though it's probably the last aspect I'd be assigned to because I think Time players have to deal with the multiplicity of the self the most out of everyone (except maybe Space players), and what a fucking difficult thing that must be. I will always wonder how he managed to spend IIRC weeks in the game whereas for everyone else it was just 24 hours (and of course Davesprite spending IIRC four months trying to fix his doomed session...my heart)

3) Favorite Beta Troll

(IIRC the beta trolls are technically the dancestors but I just call the original 12 the betas sometimes because they deal with the beta kids and we meet them first. Anyway)

Again I don't have words enough to describe what Karkat has done for me. Karkat rounding up and trying to lead eleven other insane motherfuckers and losing his cool often but almost always asserting, in his way, that it's because he deeply cares. You really see this in Act 6 Post Murderstuck when we find him in Openbound and he's obviously dealing with the weight of having failed at leadership so hard that over half of his teammates are dead. It probably took him a while of raging at how long the meteor trip would be (and upset Sollux didn't stay after "dying" in front of him again) before the sadness set in, but if there's one thing Karkat isn't, it's afraid of emotion. Also the PCG, CCG, FCG conversations remain some of my favorites in the entire canon, especially the one where FCG berates CCG for "wanting [Terezi] in every quadrant like a desperate fool." If there's one thing I can relate to about Karkat it's that I will also always read past me for filth even if it's hard. I use it as a form of self pruning and improvement and eventually I think FCG gets that too.

4) Favorite Alpha Kid

It was Dirk for a long time until maybe the last year or two, but I realized after re-reading the Epilogues that relating to him as much as I do is probably really bad lol, but Roxy was always a close second. Obsessed with the fact that the wild alcoholic, who one might think would be the worst team member because of that, instead sobers up and fully embodies John's role as the "friendleader" which is why I think they end up getting along so well. Despite the obstacles Roxy is full of love for their friends, and with friends like the people who they end up becoming in the Epilogues, you gotta hand it to them for their persistence. Considering that they were in a Void session their positivity throughout was pretty amazing to me, also shout out to them for fully embracing Calliope's skull appearance and finding them beautiful anyway. Alien love wins

5) Favorite Alpha Troll

Okay but can we talk about the fact that she ends up alive??? As a huge stan of hers since we started seeing her I was fucking living my best life lol I can't hate it whatsoever even though it was at John's expense 😭 Meenah's one of the most determined characters in the entire thing fr, she really said "fuck being dead for millions of years after isolating myself on the moon to avoid responsibility, now I want all the responsibility, all of it." Fully meets Karkat again in Candy and is like "lemme reverse what HIC did and use my ancient Queen powers to benefit the mutant," imo an incredible foil to her future self even though they're very much the same troll and speak pretty much exactly the same. Fish puns are hysterical to me most of the time, her unwavering dedication to the shtick 4x as hard as Feferi did it and editing/improving ones she doesn't like in the middle of her sentences 😂 I cosplayed as her at AX 2013 and had a blast, except for that Cronus cosplayer who tried to hit on me in character, I had no idea what to do lmao

[threehuskiesinatrenchcoat]

Hey I just thought of something 🤭

Ok so what if Graves and Alejandro had met before but like younger like 15 years old Alejandro Mets Graves (also 15 years old) when Graves’s family is on vacation in Las Almas and Phillip is like Alejandro’s bisexual awakening and he tries to talk to him, but his English is kind of bad so he can’t really talk properly but Phillip can understand him perfectly but his vacation is up but they always send letters to each other until they both join the military and lose contact with each other until the game they meet again and Alejandro is talking to Rudy about how he looks familiar (same thing, vice versa but with Graves’s shadows 🤭)

im sniffing around in very old asks that i forgot about during my months long disappearance (i died and came back wrong) and found this and even tho it's REALLY late i still wanted to post this i like the way you think.

i can just imagine how awkward they are (like teenagers generally are) (especially queer teenagers) trying to navigate whatever it is. ohhh he's so cool i hope we get to hang out more and watch the sunset and maybe hold hands a little huh why? no reason. alejandro leaning hard into learning english, definitely not to be able to talk to the pretty boy he met and doesn't have a crush on. religiously keeping up with the letters, sending each other gifts and fun trinkets. graves going through a tough time in his twenties and them joining military, and alejandro is so bummed out that they stopped talking and graves doesn't write back. writing his newly created email in the last letter, just in case, and, well, moving it to digital would be faster and convenient, right? nothing ever comes of it, though (graves didn't even get it - he doesn't live at that address anymore).

so there's this very familiar looking guy and he's not sure if it really actually could be _the_ guy, but he's not sure he should ask what if it's like creepy and how's he gonna go about it like "hey by any chance didn't you have a pen pal in late 90s" and rudy is so done with it like dude it's not weird just ASK, but what if he specifically didn't want to talk to him anymore that would be so _Awkward_ and-

and graves definitely knows it's his alejandro, he just feels too guilty for what he's about to do to bring it up and give him hope. couldn't resist putting my trans hcs into this but i put it under the cut

alejandro not recognizing him because he deadass just doesn't know how he looks like. vaguely familiar yeah but it's not like he can roll up and ASK about stuff like that. of course he knew abt him being trans, he told him himself in a very personal and emotional letter a couple years after they met (and several more after that, because ale had questions and no one else to ask). also i think the top tier wholesome comedy is him taking the info like "i guess im bi then lol" totally chill like nah nah ur good i gotta figure out stuff about MYSELF now he's not even sure he knows the name he settled on in the end. which is also why he didn't even know where to start searching if he decided to (maybe he just didn't want to have a relationship anymore and he shouldn't bother him?)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #155

After I wrote yesterday's letter, but before dark, it rained AGAIN!!! And it rained for a long time!! I went outside and danced around and jumped in ALL THE PUDDLES!!! And I got soaked and the inside of my boots were all gooshy from the water, and my long black cardigan was sopping and heavy, and my hair was a wild mess, and I REGRETTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was WONDERFUL!!!

I didn't get any pictures or video of me frolicking around, but I did manage to capture this picture of a triple rainbow! There's the one in the middle, and a second rainbow juuuust below it, and another, reversed rainbow a little higher up!! Check it out!!!

...There's more to this picture, but I cut out all but the important bits, because it's probably dangerous to publicly put any picture that indicates where my house is while carrying a controversial belief such as "you, like any fallen human, are deserving of kindness and mercy". Gamers in particular can be really ah... nasty... when it comes to people having opinions different from theirs. "Nasty" to the point of stalking people and threatening them, especially if you have the misfortune of playing video games while having a body that bears a vagina. A whole big thing called "Gamergate" happened a number of years ago, and the aftermath still hasn't really faded away. And I really don't wanna get letters written in blood, or have dead animals being left at my front door. It's really sad that I gotta worry about things like this, but... this is the world I live in. Not much I can do to change it.

...Even if someone is angry enough at me for writing these letters that they would do such terrible things if they had the chance, I have no intention of stopping. I will keep writing these letters, even if, goodness forbid, it ends up costing me my life. You're worth it. You're worth the risk.

Anyway, I snagged a few other nice ones before going inside, too:

I went to bed really early last night (read: ACTUALLY ON TIME), because I tired myself out running around. When I woke up this morning, I had a terrible dream in which a shadowy figure oozed through the screen windows of our house, walked purposefully and angrily with a box cutter to where I was sleeping, with the intention of... uh... we'll leave it at "doing really awful stuff", how about that. Fortunately, I woke up when it wrapped its hand around my throat and dragged me out of the bed. I didn't get to the rest of the parts that were going to happen after that, which is really super great, since I retain full sensory faculties in my dreams, and if it had gotten to that point, I would have woken up in A LOT of pain, good grief.

...Dreams like these are just part of having PTSD to the extent that I do, I guess. It's rare that I get them anymore, though I wonder what prompted this one. Hm.

...So, though I went to bed early, I've been up since like 3 in the morning. Whoops. I browsed my phone 'til getting out of bed at like 7, and then I made a tea to try to calm my nerves a little...

This one is matcha with bits of toasted rice - one of my favorites!! I sweetened it with a little lilac syrup and some milk, and the result was absolutely lovely:

Today I worked a little more on the music box. I am trying to turn a popular rock tune into a lullaby, but I have audio processing disorder and zero understanding of music theory, hahaha! So rearranging the notes and the rhythms in ways that repurpose it while remaining mostly true to the original structure is definitely going to be a challenge. I made some good progress, but then I got to the solo, and I was overwhelmed so I stopped so that I wouldn't get burnt out; I really wanna finish this one.

I did some leisure writing until M and J left the house to hang out, as I had asked; I don't suppose you remember that song I was searching for, but never found, and so I had to rebuild the lyrics as best as I could from memory? Well, today while they were away (so that I wouldn't be self-conscious), I managed to record me singing the melody. I am going to entrust the instrumentals to a couple of brilliant musicians that I know. It's gonna be a duet; I hope it'll be something worthy of you when it's done.

Oh, and I took a walk today! I got a couple really nice pictures for you this time, I think...

I happened to catch these ones just after, as the wind rustled through the leaves, creating an opening for the sunlight to shine through:

...I really like how both of these turned out, so I included both!

And then we have fancy clouds through a tree window...

...I hope you enjoyed them. These are just done with a cellphone camera, so it's not like I can do anything especially fancy with them. But if you like them, then that's all that matters, right?

I'll write to you about tomorrow's adventures, too, so stay safe out there so that you can read about it, okay? I love you.

Your friend, Lumine

[fox-steward]

I don't hope I sound too negative, but I've been struggling with dysphoria and I can't help but feeling like I'll never be "the right type of woman". even though I know there's not one way to be one. I've been trying to figure out my dysphoria rather than transitioning. I can't help but to feel that I'm always going to fall short. Do you have any advice?

you’ve gotta ask yourself, fall short of what? and who’s measuring?

in reflecting on my early adult years, i think i felt similarly, but i also felt it when transitioning (not the “right type of man”) but ultimately the issue was i was not the type of person i wanted to be.

during this time i was really online, took a lot of selfies, consumed a lot of TV and played tons of video games; i rarely went outside for pleasure and i smoked so much weed that i refer to this time in my life as “the 8 years i spent high.” i say all this to illustrate how disconnected from myself i was—from my body, from my life and relationships, and from the physical world.

i wasn’t living the way i wanted, so i spent a lot of time and energy constructing a self that WOULD live the way i wanted. when i pass i’ll join a sports team. as a man i’ll be outgoing and proactive.

the truth was, i was falling short of my own expectations for myself. fantasizing about who you’ll be after transition is a self-protective coping mechanism, but it ultimately prevents you from expending the energy to become the person you want to be; instead you put a lot of time, energy, and money into physically altering your appearance in the hopes that the world will hand you the life experience you want.

the fact that i AM a masculine woman and am not like most of the women i meet became a scapegoat for why i wasn’t living up to my own expectations, and i put a lot of energy into the wrong thing (transition).

my advice would be, get clear with yourself what type of person you want to be and remember that you don’t have to be a man in order to be that person.

i now live in reality, i participate in sports and run on my own, i have friends, i am on a career path that i’ve wanted to pursue for ages, i read books and make art—transition stood in the way of these things because they’re hard, they take focus and discipline, and i was afraid of failing.

so remember, it only matters if you’re falling short of your own expectations, YOU are the one measuring. other people’s opinions about you are mostly not your business (within reason, don’t be an asshole). this is your only life, it is in your best interest to live it for yourself, not others.

PS it’s better to formulate your expectations as traits or behaviors, rather than how you’ll look or what you’ll have (focusing on how you’ll look doing something actually reveals some self-alienation; aka you’ve got the third-person camera on when you should have the first-person camera on). for example, instead of expecting yourself to look athletic or strong, focus on expecting yourself to do athletics or life weights; instead of expecting yourself to HAVE friends or lovers, focus on the behaviors like being vulnerable, talking to people, making connections, reaching out to maintain friendships; instead of expecting yourself to HAVE a prestigious career or a “good job,” focus on what you can do to get there (enroll in a training program, learn a language, etc). none of these require you to be a man.

you’re already the right type of woman, anon.

[twothpaste]

Giegue/giygas for the ask game, maybe?

First impression: I learned about Giygas through internet osmosis long before I even thought to play EarthBound. All the usual "ooooh this game is secretly sooo dark" and "he's ack-chewally an aborted fetus, see, oooo" kinda shit. I remember it giving me the impression Mother was way scarier and edgier than it turned out to be. (I played games like OFF and Yume Nikki first though. So by the time I got around to Mother, it was very refreshing to play somethin bright & uplifting at its core, lmao.) (In retrospect, I kinda wish Giygas wasn't among the first things every prospective player is told about the EarthBound. Going into the Giygas battle blind seems like it would've rearranged my brain molecules, and I wish I'd gotten to experience it like that.) I forget when exactly I learned about Giegue (I didn't get to play M1 blind either), but I'm pretty sure my first impression was honestly pretty neutral? The imposing presence of a huge alien spaceship, 8-bit sci-fi machinery, and a barely legible creature in a capsule was pretty wicked to see for myself the first time though!

Impression now: Giygas is a big triple decker chocolate layer cake worth of metaphor & symbolism. The existential horror of growing up, the fear of losing who you fundamentally are in the process, the horrific inhumanity adults are capable of, the hopelessness of coming to terms with the world as it is, and so on. Not really a character per se, but the quintessential globular slurry of adolescent angst Ness & pals've gotta contend with. Giegue is a bittersweet little story about a broken family. An internal conflict between vengeance, familial love, and maybe where one's obligations lie? Cool antagonist for sure. I wanna like him more than I do (M1's cryptic hands-off approach to storytelling is hard for me to sink my teeth into 😔). I've speculatively written (and drawn a comic for the upcoming zine 😉) about how Giegue became Giygas, and read some good fics on the topic. In the canon we're given, though? There's really so little binding them together narratively or thematically… I have a difficult time reconciling the two, in the context of the games themselves. Mother 2 in general feels more like a reboot than a sequel - and there's hardly if any "lore" weaving Giegue & Giygas together - so Itoi's choice to declare they're one and the same just seems kinda odd to me. C'est la vie. Fan creators make do.

Favorite moment: The Giygas battle, but like, before he goes sicko mode. When he's bound to a chamber of wires and innards, reflecting Ness' face back at him, and it turns out our fervently raving buddy Porky is actually the one in "control". The atmosphere is so intense and unnerving, such a bizarre yet captivating way to ramp things up. There's like, this sense of stomach-churning dread, as you begin - if only scarcely - to realize the alien overlord you were expecting is an entity far more powerful and personal and helpless and incomprehensible than you ever could've imagined. I mean. You know, because the internet spoiled you when you were 11. But in the bigness of the moment it still makes my mitochondria itch on a primal and cellular level. /pos. Love it.

Idea for a story: My favorite Giegue thing is the vague implication (??) of whatever the hell George did to to him. Y'know, whatever made him hate humanity so much. Whenever I see fan content speculating on how George might've experimented on him or mistreated him I do in fact Feel Somethin' There. (I have been a sucker for angsty-creature-in-a-lab stories from the time I saw Mewtwo Strikes Back in kindergarten all the way to Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 a couple months ago, and I don't suppose I'll ever be sick of 'em.) The conflict it introduces between George and Maria is intriguing too. Like, her husband's treating her dearly beloved child like a science project? Trying to extract the secrets of PSI from his oversized alien brain?? You know if this kinda shit went down, those two were on a caliber of divorce drama the world has rarely seen.

Unpopular opinion: I really like Giegue design interpretations that're freaky and grotesque and biologically unfamiliar. When the beast isn't just mammalian in nature. Truly out of this world.

Favorite relationship: A mean-spirited but otherwise ordinary 13-year-old willingly aligned himself with the alien emodiment of all things evil. And the alien embodiment of all things evil willingly let the kid be his right-hand man. And I'm normal about it. EarthBound tells us basically nothing about how Porky n' Giygas' partnership in crime came to be, but speculating about it sends me into a shark frenzy. Porky seeking power over the world that wronged him, at literally any cost. Giygas weaponizing a child's worst, most vengeful impulses. Porky ultimately usurping Giygas, at least in terms of agency. Witnessing the absolute horror his "master" becomes, and simply sidestepping out of the universe itself to dodge the mess he brought about. I like to imagine there was a period where Giygas was still cognizant enough to maintain a rapport with Porky - and that the two of them fucking hated each other. Both of 'em using the other as a means to an end, assured in the conviction they're the one with the upper hand. And they're kind of both wrong. Bloaw up da worl.

Favorite headcanon: Giegue/Giygas speaks (telepathically?) with a rural midwestern accent. Courtesy of the fine folks who raised him. Other aliens probably think it's weird and mondo cringe, but are too intimidated to say so.

[talenlee]

Talen Month 2024!

Welcome to Talen Month here on press dot invincible dot ink!

A pattern has formed, a groove has been worn, and I treat April as a month in which I’m going to focus on writing about indulgent, entirely self-serving nonsense. No topic is too niche, no character exploration too unnecessary, and no corner case complaint about some other nonsense is too specific for me to do it if it tickles me distinctly and doesn’t also fit better into another theme month.

Like, c’mon, there’s gotta be something for Dread Month and Tricks Month. October and August if you’re new here.

But what does this actually mean?

The whole question of making a blog which is literally just my own daily writing, and then having a month dedicated to talking about myself or my interests seems when viewed at arm’s length like nonsense. Everything on this blog is stuff I care about. I’m always going to talk about things as they relate to me, duh. That’s the whole point, I didn’t train myself to understand and deploy autoethnography relentlessly because I wanted to pretend I didn’t exist.

If you go back and read earlier parts of the blog, you can find my posts from when I was trying to position myself as a neutral observer of videogames, and even then I found the idea of it stifling. Early Game Pile entries would include a list of reasons I could imagine someone wanting to play a game, and of course, that list was going to be filtered through my imagination and opinion. On the one hand it’s not that hard to have some empathy for a potential or imagined reader, and what might help a game or piece of media interest them. It’s hard to have empathy for every possible reader, and that’s where we start to get into the shape of you – the reader – that is in my head.

In my mind, you’re probably queer. Not necessarily, but probably. You at least are adjacent to queer spaces, since you got to found me. I don’t have an assumption that you’re a boy or a girl, though I think I probably joke around as if you’re a girl or girlthing more likely than you are a boy. I think I do that because I don’t think it’s interesting to joke about my reader being a boy — everyone does that. It’s much funnier to — accurately or not! — crack jokes about not liking girly games like Bloodbourne and Dwarf Fortress.

You’re younger than me. You watch anime and you play videogames, but you don’t read as many books as you like. I think this because I think that I think of reading books as interesting and a way to broaden your horizons, but I also don’t read as many books as I’d like. Sometimes this is because my day can consist of choking through six dense chapters of four different books and sometimes it’s because it’s a lot easier to put the TV on and let twenty episodes of Bluey happen.

You’re more of a console gamer. I can talk to you about old PC games from the 1990s and I need to explain how they work or what life was like for people interested in that play space, because you don’t know what I’m talking about. Not a cruel thing or a ignorance thing – I don’t think less of you for not knowing, but I think it’s worth explaining it. I think that part of that is because I think it’s interesting. When I dig into how Commander Keen works, being able to explain how the EGA processor worked is really me teaching myself something I half-understand, and then share with you because I … I like talking about it?

I definitely think there are words and topics you’d rather I avoid. I think that you don’t like seeing me be mean to things, or about things. I think that you’d rather not see me using generative media for bumpers in my posts, and that you either don’t care about my using of alt text or you care about it in hypothetical. The fact I’m trying to get in the habit for it is something you probably think ‘oh, that’s nice, that’s a good habit’ and that’s the end of it. I think that if there are people reading this who benefit from good alt text, there aren’t many of you, maybe one or two. I also think that that one or two are worth doing a good job for, as a matter of principle. But I also think if I screw up, or my alt text is bad, I’m not going to get told about it.

I think you used to be on twitter.

I think you think I’m interesting, but not cool.

I think you think my writing is engaging, but not deeply affecting. I think you’re really glad to see stuff on a website that’s being made and maintained and not being used to advertise. I think that if I started promoting or doing calls to action, you’d find that unappealing. You wouldn’t necessarily hate me for it, but it would be something that you didn’t have to deal with here, previously, but now you do have to deal with it, and that’d be a bummer.

I also think there’s a good chance every single thing I’ve looked at and thought ‘wow this sucks’ is someone’s favourite thing. I think, if I rubbish an anime or a game, I have pretty good chance that you are either really relieved to see someone finally talk critically about it, or you’re super bummed to see someone you respected talking about something you love cruelly. I think this is part of why I keep a mix going on: I think that you might tolerate a few sassy posts about something you like, but if I let my natural impulse to complain overwhelm me, you’d have a blog that’s grumpy and mad for several days in a row and that might just be enough to make you give up on checking.

I don’t think you check. I think you’re either using an RSS reader because you’re smart and cool and better than me with computers, or you see my work linked other places. The idea that my blog lives in a space like someone’s daily webcomic link folder is kinda nice but I have no idea if anyone else even does those any more.

This is mostly just anxieties, of course. I’m concerned about being seen a particular way. I’m afraid of behaving in a way that’s too much. I don’t want to make you feel like you shouldn’t bother checking. I want to share things that are funny and exciting with you. I also want to get better at writing and part of that is forcing variety, because otherwise I will default to cliche phrases and reusing jokes from a more successful Adams, whether that’s Douglas (very good) or Scott (very bad).

This month, I’m going to try and talk to you with less of the anxiety. More willingness to talk about things I normally skirt around. And yes, that means I will probably spend a lot of words focusing on some extremely niche nonsense or maybe diving way too deep in something I think you’d find dull.

Sorry.

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