#really got me to kick my feet in the air it was SO good. im so so so glad to have finally watched it. cant wait to see the new class acts

[clonekiss]

Barbie (2023) wishes it had even a fraction of the power that Bryce (2023) has

[tgcg]

an open fly walking

i didnt like this one but i thought id finally air it out since its been sat in my folders for months now

TG: hey karkat

CG: YEAH?

===

TG: you ever noticed you like

TG: walk weird

CG: WOW, OKAY.

CG: HAVE *YOU* EVER NOTICED THAT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT?

TG: pff

===

TG: no listen because i got my ears scoping that shit im like a scouter for dude activity

TG: ok maybe me mentioning it to you is gonna fuck up your ecosystem or something but

TG: you have the heaviest feet of the century man

CG: I DO???

TG: just thrust them straight down into the ground like youre trying to homebrew a san andreas fault

TG: viciously tamping on tectonic plates hoping for top score on the richter scale

TG: waging war against solid particles and the basic flow of gravity

TG: i could ID those footfalls out of a million i mean it

CG: SERIOUSLY?

===

TG: i mean theres nothing wrong with it but

TG: yeah

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.

TG: im not fucking with you striders honor

TG: when have i ever lied to anybody about anything

CG: NOT UNPACKING THAT QUESTION WITH YOU TODAY.

CG: BUT SHIT, HOLD ON. LET ME SEE.

TG: yeah take the umbrella go over there and just walk to me

CG: ON IT.

===

===

TG: see you just kinda slam em straight down dude

CG: THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY RIOTOUS FUCKING JOKE OF A LIFE.

TG: dont your feet ache

===

CG: MOOT POINT. THIS MIGHT SOUND INSANE BUT I'VE ACTUALLY HAD MY STRUT PODS FOR A WHILE. ANY KIND OF PAIN THIS WOULD'VE BEEN CAUSING WOULD BE TOTALLY FILTERED OUT OF MY SPONGE BY NOW AS BACKGROUND NOISE.

TG: damn i didnt think that through

TG: my shades

CG: ALRIGHT, GET BACK UNDER THE SHITTING UMBRELLA AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

TG: look ive fucked myself over here too i dont have shit to clean these with

TG: ugh

===

TG: guess its karma

CG: HOLY FUCK. HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THIS BEFORE?

TG: i dunno but im gonna assume having a dad thats a literal crab monster is probably a contributing factor

TG: im guessing thats not a great role model for this kinda thing

TG: just conjecture i mean

CG: YOUR ENVY IS OVERWHELMINGLY OBVIOUS DAVE. AS A DISCLAIMER, HE WOULD'VE ABSOLUTELY KICKED YOUR ASS.

TG: yeah probably

CG: THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER.

===

TG: but see bro had me stringent on feather feets

TG: i bet i could slip across a bike horn warehouse with nary a fucking toot

CG: HAHA. ASSUMING YOU DON'T MAKE A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF, AS PER USUAL.

CG: IF YOU WEREN'T CONSTANTLY RUNNING YOUR GASH ABOUT EVERYTHING AND BEING AN INIMITABLE CLOWN I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU COULD BE ON PAR WITH YOUR CUSTODIAN.

CG: THAT IS A MONUMENTAL "IF".

TG: well look at it this way

TG: im basically doing you all a favor by being a dumbass

TG: never gonna get caught off guard by the bozo patrol

CG: WOW. GOOD POINT.

===

TG: also screw this can i use your shirt

TG: this stupid hoodie is just smudging my lenses up

TG: i cant see dick

CG: UH

CG: SURE, I GUESS.

TG: cool

===

TG: so yeah i could be prowling around like a goddamn verbal assassin sniping convos left and right

TG: but no ive got the decency to go bunp in the night

CG: YEAH.

CG: IT'S DEFINITELY COMPOUNDED BY THE CONSTANT INANE RAMBLINGS.

CG: BUT

CG: IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY RELAXING, Y'KNOW? IT HAS ITS OWN RHYTHM.

TG: see yeah i sound it off and

===

TG: wait really?

CG: YEAH

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: FUCK. HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAM MY FROND DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE.

===

CG: IT'S LIKE

CG: A SALVE FOR MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE.

CG: YOUR VOICE IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF ASPIRIN.

TG: uh damn karkat hold your hoofbeasts i was talking about the rhythm thing

CG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING US BOTH THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE REACHED THE BAD END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

TG: you think thatd be heroic or just

CG: IF I WAS STILL GHOSTING AROUND THE RUINS OF SGRUB'S ARCANE FRIGGIN GAME SYSTEMS, THE COMPLETE LACK OF SHIT AFOOT NOWADAYS WOULD BORE ME TO DEATH.

CG: LIKE. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME OUR THERMAL HULL LEVELLED UP, DAVE?

TG: hah

===

TG: but uh

TG: i mean we had aspirin on earth

CG: NO, NUMBNUBS.

CG: I'M SAYING YOU ARE MY ASPIRIN.

TG: oh

CG: YEAH, TAKE THAT TO THE BANK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR 20-KARAT ASS.

===

TG: heh

TG: well get this

TG: i will literally talk at you forever for free

TG: you got lifetime priority seating for the davealogues

TG: never gotta go to the drugstore again you can just get doped up on my dulcet tones for the rest of time

TG: take that and some of this

TG: im packin punches

CG: OW, FUCK! NO! MY MIGRAINES!

CG: SWEEPS OF VEINCLOTTING AND NERVEFRAYING DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER. BECAUSE OF YOU.

CG: YOU ASSHOLE, THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

CG: AND YOU'RE LAUGHING.

TG: chuckle up it only gets worse from here

===

CG: BE HONEST WITH ME. DID FONDLING MY SHIRT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET EVEN DO ANYTHING?

TG: barely but yknow sometimes you just gotta deal the cards youre given

TG: ill just be astigmatic for a while its cool

CG: PFF… OKAY MAN.

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I realize I haven’t been kissed in six months 😔

[sapphicmsmarvel]

azriel crack headcannons!

im alive!

note: use of “tits” instead of “breasts”, i hate that word yall. 

-You love being mushy with him. Complimenting his eyes, his hands, his voice. He gets all blushy and squeaky and it’s so cute. 

-He activated cuteness aggression which confused him at first but he secretly loves how obsessed you are with him. (he’s never had anyone be so obsessed with him) 

-You both give each other flowers. The first time you gave him his own bouquet he was giggling and kicking his feet in private. 

-You have trouble trying new food, so he will let you try a bit of his meal if he gets something new. That way you don't “waste” (even though he has enough money to buy velaris at this point) money. Even if he insists you don't need to worry about money. 

-You like asking him insane questions. 

“How do you feel about me wearing revealing clothes in public?” 

He shrugged. “I can fight and you look beautiful in anything.”

“If i got a new piercing-“

“My love, it’s your body. But if you pierce your nipples i’m going to have so much fun.”

-You got your nipples pierced. You couldn’t decide on what jewelry to get. So you bought two pairs. One, for the healing process that were barbells with blue gems. 

For after, barbells with an ‘A’ on both ends of the jewelry. That man audibly moaned when he saw that specific piece of jewelry. 

-He has loud sneezes. 

-He’s afraid of spiders. 

-You two 100% gossip. 

-You’ll read smutty novels to each other in funny voices. This is the only way Azriel discovered that he can make an incredible high pitched voice. 

-He gets the zoomies at random times. You know it’s brewing when the shadows start to practically vibrate in the air. 

-If you have your hair up, he or his shadows will play with your baby hairs that escape the hairstyle. 

-Speaking of the shadows, they’ll just sit on your waist like a belt and just be part of whatever outfit you have on. Or a necklace (not in a kinky way you dirty birds) 

((but like, that too))

-Speaking of things being taken as kinky. He stretches you out. You have a disability that worsens when you don't do your daily stretches (sciatica nerve damage gang rise up) so he forces you to do them. 

-As in pins you down and forces your body to stretch out the nerve. 

“It’s almost like you like to be in pain.” He admonishes as he pushed on your glute. 

“I’m just lazy.” You admit. 

He smacks your ass, causing you to yelp. “Well, I don't like seeing my love in pain, so stop being lazy.” 

-He may be a stoic warrior, but he’s also a guy. He loves titties. 

-He’ll burrow into them when he’s upset. 

-When your cycle happens, your tits get sore and swollen. So he’ll massage them, suck on them, anything. 

-You wear lip balm a lot. You just have a thing where a tube needs to be on you at all times. He personally prefers when you wear a balm that’s vanilla or like a baked good. The minty balms he really doesn’t like the taste of.  

-Usually, he is the exact opposite of lazy. However, you’ve turned him into a lazy sunday morning man. Or really, any day he wants to sleep in, he does now. You’re just so warm and sweet and sleepy he can’t resist it! 

-You sprawl out in bed. You starfish over the entire bed if he gets up for the bathroom or water in the middle of the night. To get you back to your side, all he has to do is poke your side and you curl in on yourself. 

He giggles (yes, giggles) every single time. 

-He already is a mischievous man, but with you the silliness hits an all time high. 

-Random ass spankings, he bean dips you, when he works out wearing a shirt, he’ll take the shirt off and throw it at you. So you have a musty sweaty ass shirt coming at you. 

-You always call his shadows “little stinkers” and he loves it. 

-They’ll move things to higher shelves to force you to ask Azriel for help getting them.  

The man loves leaning over you, your sweet ass pressed against him as he reaches. 

-Sometimes, you’ll just stare at him and wonder how this beautiful man is yours. 

But that’s okay, because he stares at you the same way. 

[pandorxxx]

Sweet mind of yours…

Lo’ak x metkayinan fem reader (all aged up)

Warnings: fluff, smut, cursing, creampie, orgasms, p in v, belly bulge.

Synopsis: you and lo’ak had been close ever since he came to your clan seeking Uturu. It was clear that you both liked each other, but you were scared. Scared of what might happen if you finally let him in. What happens when you finally do?

“Wanna tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” His words rolled off of his tongue like molasses with a bright smile. His baritone knocking you out of your trance.

You picked your head up, meeting his soft gaze. His eyes were pools of rich honey…inviting, almost too inviting. You were falling hard, and you knew other girls were too. He was the shiny new toy around the clan, but it seemed as if he wanted to spend all of his time with you.

His strong, calloused hands were delicately placed in his lap. His posture slightly slouched as he sat next to you on the edge of the rock. You’d normally bring him here to watch the sunset, but the sunset wasn’t the only view.

His freckles danced under the dimly lit sky, like painted constellations across his broad chest. His braided hair, placed in a loose ponytail as one braid covered his eye, courtesy of you. Once you told him how handsome he looked, he never stopped with the style.

His smile, so sweet and delicate. It made your heart flutter every time you saw him. And tonight seemed to prove no different.

“Thinkin’ about how dull my life was…before you came along.” You smiled back, a dusty purple tint staining your cheeks in nervousness.

“Is that so?” He asked playfully, bumping your shoulder with his gently. You let out a soft giggle, smiling down at your feet, swishing the ocean water around beneath you. You nodded in response.

“Yup. Know what else?” You turned to look at the side of his face briefly before turning away, avoiding eye contact at all costs. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me, huh?” He chuckled, now staring at the side of your face, hoping you would give him the gift of your beautiful blue eyes. It was like you two were playing a game of tag. You were never good with direct eye contact, especially with lo’ak.

“How every girl here is probably frothing at the mouth for you.” You joked, but nothing about it was a game to you. It was scary to know that this could all end in the blink of an eye. He cocked an eyebrow, staring out into the crystal blue water.

“Nah. I'm not too much interested in any of those girls. Plus, I’ve got my eyes on a beauty already. Just wish she had her eyes on me…” the last sentence trailed off into the air as his eyes met the side of your face again. And you could feel the heat radiating on your cheek. He let out a patient sigh, kicking his feet languidly in the water.

“Why don’t you look at me?” He asked with a concerned tone. His hand engulfing yours. You felt your heart skip a beat, and you unintentionally pulled away from his embrace.

“I-I wasn’t trying to- Im sorry.” He panicked, before face palming, followed by a shake of his head in embarrassment. It became awkward, and you couldn’t help but think you ruined the moment.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to look at him for too long, or that you didn’t want him to touch you. In fact, you wanted all of those things more than anything else. You were just scared. Scared that if you stared at him for a second too long, you’d fall in love. Scared that if his fingertips grazed your skin the right way, you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself. And although he was sending you all of the right signals, what if you misread them?

It was scary for you, all of it. There were so many worthy girls here. Why would it be you? How could it be…you? The silence filled the air, and he couldn’t take it. It was all too much for him.

He couldn’t read you even if he tried. He had a feeling that you liked him, but you never really let him in. Never opened up. He needed to know how you felt about this. Even if that meant pushing the boundaries of your friendship by making the first move.

“Y/n…” he sighed, shifting his entire body to face you. You swallowed thickly, as it seemed that he wasn’t going to let this go. You slowly shifted your entire body to face him as well, crossing your legs on the rock. He did the same, pulling you alittle closer to him by your waist. Being as gentle as possible with you.

“You’ve gotta tell me what’s going on in that sweet mind. I can’t read you, as much as I would like to.” He spoke softly, engulfing your hands in his, still searching for your eye contact. Your heart ached in fear, knowing that this was quite literally now or never.

“I-I can’t. Please don’t make me.” You shook your head, tears clouding your vision. So many feelings coming to the forefront. Feelings that you’ve worked so hard to suppress. It was safe to say that you were madly in love with him, so much that it hurt.

“Yes you can, please. I-I need to know what’s behind those beautiful eyes that you like hiding from me so much.” His hands trailed up to caress your cheek. An audible gasp escaped your lips. Your body began to heat up, and not in the way you’d think. Not so much with lust…it was deeper than that. It was as if you had finally found what you’d been searching for. The touch you’d been yearning for, but was too afraid to reach out and take. He was your missing piece, and it was evident now more than ever.

“Y/n, I don’t know what you’ve done to me. But I can't seem to shake the feelings I have for you. Can’t seem to shake the feeling that we belong together. I just wish I knew how you felt about me. It’s like I know you…but I don’t. I can’t make sense of this. So maybe we can help eachother.” He confessed, a hopeful smile creeping across his lips. And just like that, he had your attention.

Your eyes met his after his confession. Your ears flicking in the wind while your tail swayed high behind you. “There’s my girl…” he smiled, watching in awe at your reaction. Finally confirming what you felt for him, you didn’t even have to say it…but you felt the need to.

“Lo’ak, you just kinda came in and swept me off of my feet. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I don’t know what this is either, but I know that I just wanna be with you. That’s all I wanna do, lo’ak.” You finally confessed, still maintaining that eye contact he’d been craving ever since he laid eyes on you.

He bit his lip with a cheesy smile. His hands finding your dainty arms, caressing them in a way of praising you for finally opening up to him. You shifted to your knees, reaching a hand out to caress his cheek. His face was soft, yet his cheek bones were prominent and sharp. Your eyes traced over his intricate freckle pattern, unlike anything you’d ever seen before. Lastly, your eyes trailed over his lips. Your thumb gently brushing over his bottom lip. Now his tail was swaying high, patiently waiting for you to make the first move. He was just happy to witness you coming out of your shell. Just happy to be in your presence. He’d wait forever for you…

“If you wanna kiss me, I won’t stop you.” He chuckled. You bit your bottom lip, deciding that you wanted to do alittle more than that. You straddled his lap, holding onto his shoulders for support.

“Oh yeah?” He asked, eyebrow cocked as his hands found their place on your waist. Your lips crashed into his, essentially answering his lingering question. He let out a satisfied groan, shifting his hands down to your hips. You grabbed the sides of his head to deepen the long overdue kiss, instinctively grinding into him.

His huge hands guided your hips to create the right amount of friction. You both moaning into the kiss at this point. You could feel his cock growing by the second, and he could feel the pool between your legs. It was absolutely bliss.

“May I?” Lo’ak asked in between kisses, tugging on the back of your loincloth. “You can do whatever you want to me.” You spoke breathily, moving down to his neck, leaving hickeys on his skin.

“Mmm baby, don’t get me started.” He grunted, planting sweet pecks on your shoulder as he untied your loincloth from around your tail. He tapped your thigh, signaling for you to sit up briefly for him to pull the loincloth from underneath you, and you happily obliged.

An immediate flow of your slick trickled down to his thighs. You were more than ready for him, and had been for some time now.

“Take this off.” You whispered in his ear as you tugged on his loincloth with great force. He let out a soft chuckle at your sudden eagerness. He shifted you to your back, with him now kneeling between your legs. His eyes trailed your entire body, your freckles glistening in the night sky.

“So beautiful.” He shook his head in awe, reaching behind himself to untie his loincloth, the fabric dropping to the ground beneath him. His cock sprung up, hitting his belly with a loud, heavy slap. A string of precum oozing out of his tip. The freckles on his shaft

dancing individually in anticipation. Your legs had intentionally opened alittle more. You reached out, your fingertips just barely grazing over the base in wonder. He let out a soft gasp, his tail hitting the ground with force repeatedly in excitement.

“So beautiful.” You smirked, leaning back on the ground, ready for him to take you as his. Ready for him to have his way with you. He smiled at you, grabbing his cock to jerk it off slowly.

He then proceeded to thrust in between your wet folds, earning a soft moan from you. “Please, give it to me.” You whined, grabbing his cock to line it up with your aching hole. His eyes widened in anticipation, letting you take control for right now. With one simple push, you slide him into you slowly, your walls immediately sucking him in. You both letting out a series of moans.

“Fuuuck, baby girl.” He whimpered, gripping your hips to thrust into you expertly. Immediately hitting all the right spots in a matter of seconds. Your back bowed to the rock, exposing the large print In your lower belly with every hard thrust into you.

“Y-You’re in m-my fucking stomach, lo’ak.” You whined in pleasure, head tilted all the way back as your eyes rolled. Your dainty hand dancing around the print.

“I-I know, I know mama. Taking it so well, too.” He grunted, running his hand over the bulge briefly. The pleasure was consuming the both of you, more so you. You couldn’t seem to control the sounds that came out of your mouth, or the faces you made. It’s like lo’ak had completely control over you.

Your hands found their way to your face, trying to hide yourself from him. Your screams becoming muffled instantly. His thrusts quickened, and deepened. His tip constantly slamming against your sweet spot.

“No, no, no baby. I wanna see you.” He spoke lowly, gently grabbing your hands, holding both of your wrists in one of his large hands as he continued to fuck into you like it was the last time he’d see you.

You tucked your bottom lip into your mouth. Eyebrows furrowed, and face screwed in pleasure as you tried desperately to hide your cries.

“Oh come on, mama. Don’t hide from me. Let that shit out. You know you can’t hold it forever.” His baritone soothing your eardrum just right. He sent you slow, hard strokes. So intense that you had no other choice but to drop your jaw. Small whimpers escaping through with every meeting of his pelvis to yours.

“Yesss, juuust like that baby. Open up.” He nodded, licking his bottom lip as he stared into your eyes. He shifted your legs over his shoulders, before placing his hands on either side of your head. You were nearly folded in half. His face hovering just over yours, so there was no excuse not to look at him. He was deeper than he’d ever been, closer than he’d ever been.

“Lo’ak- t-oooo deep.” You whimpered, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He just watched you in awe. You were so pretty taking all of him, and he couldn’t get enough.

“I know, baby. You’ve gotta take it for me. You’re too pretty like this.” He moaned, rolling his hips into you as he stared down at your flustered face, waiting for a reaction.

“Ohhh my- lo’ak! I-I love you! I love youuuu!” You screamed, legs beginning to shake. He nodded in satisfaction, his breaths becoming short and heavy.

“Mmm, I love you too baby.” He confessed, a slight whine in his tone before his bottom lip found comfort between his teeth. You could feel it, your stomach began to contract, almost like you were exercising. Every stroke was revealing trickles of your arousal flowing down to the surface beneath you, and it was becoming too much for lo’ak to bare as well.

“Shiiit, y/n. You’re gonna make me fucking cum. You’re d-driving me crazy baby.” He whined, before his lips crashed into yours. You both muffling eachothers loud moans as your peeks neared. “Lo’aaaak. I-I” you moaned deliriously between kisses.

“Go ahead baby. Cum for me. I wanna feel that shit, you hear me?” He asked, a tinge of aggression in his tone. You nodded frantically, eyes locked on his.

“Cum in me. Pleaseeee!” You begged, pulling him in for another kiss. He sent you one hard thrust, rolling his hips into yours again with a loud growl against your lips. Your eyes crossed in pleasure. Your legs began to tremble uncontrollably, slipping off his shoulders and to the side of his hips. You pulled him into you, wrapping your arms around his neck as you let go on him.

“Yessss, I-Im cumming lo’ak. I’m cumming!” You whimpered, walls fluttering around his sensitive shaft. He let out a series of low groans and growls as he emptied himself inside of you. Thrusting into you languidly as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“Take it all, baby. Milk me dry.” He moaned, rubbing his head into your neck, scenting you to claim you as his. He sent you one last stroke before leaving himself inside of you. You both catching your breath as he laid ontop of you.

“That was…” he started.

“Amazing” you finished.

He flipped you both over, you were now ontop of him and he laid flat across the rock. You two were now face to face. Sharing the same breath. It was beautiful. “If you’d let me. I’d love to see what’s going on in this beautiful mind of yours.” He smiled, grabbing his queue, bringing it In between you two. You watched his trendils dance. You lazily reach behind you, grabbing yours to bring it to the forefront. It was almost like a magnetic force, the way both of your trendils pulled towards eachother like they belonged together.

You both watched as they connected. Pupils blown with an audible gasp from both of you. It’s like your memories of eachother were in sync. A little movie playing of all the moments you spent with eachother. Only things that’s you two would share, now and forever.

“I love you, y/n.”

“I love you more, lo’ak.”

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @xreadersstuff @sweetllamaparadise @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @blueslxt-primary @jackchampismybbg @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @taylormarieee @sweethoneycn

[slutz4fanfic]

Okay lately I’ve been in a Joel miller kick. Idk why but here we are. I’ve been thinking of writing a short little thing about Joel miller, main character’d dad is Joel’s best friend. A slow burn, angst, a more quieter main character, age gap, smut, all the goods. Here’s what I got so far…thoughts ??

The cicada hummed in the heavy Texas heat as I’m sitting on the front porch swing, my bare feet grazing the worn wood beneath me.

It’s late summer in Austin, the air is thick, carrying the scent of wildflowers and the faint tang of barbecue smoke from the cookout my father had earlier today. I can hear my father’s laughter boomed as he drinks and jokes with his oldest friend, Joel…Joel Miller.

Joel has been a constant presence in my life for as long as I can remember. Him and his daughter Sarah. He’s my dad’s best friend, partner in bad jokes and long-winded stories, Joel always had a way of commanding a room. Joel carries himself quietly, assured, rugged in a way that felt effortless. Him and dad are not only best friends but they’re business partners together. They work together doing construction/contractor type jobs.

“Honey why don’t you come inside?” My mom sticks her head out of the house calling me. “I will, Im just enjoying the late August breeze” I smile at her.

My mom has soft blonde hair, bright blue eyes, always a calming energy. My mother and I look nothing a like. I have my father’s dark curly hair, his dark brown eyes, and tan skin. But people say I have the same calming energy that my mother has. At least I got something from my mother, my mother is the most beautiful woman on this earth…but I guess I’m a bit biased.

“Alright honey don’t stay out here too late” she says before closing the front door.

I don’t only want to enjoy the late August weather, but frankly being around Joel makes my head spin. The past year I’ve developed this stupid, stupid, school girl crush on the man. I know I shouldn’t, I know how wrong it is. He’s 20 years older than me, my dad’s best friend, practically family. But it seems every time he comes around, I found myself drawn to him, my heart fluttering leaving me breathless.

His strong jawline dusted with salt and pepper scruff, his dark hair kissed by streaks of some silver. Then his voice, slow and smooth with that subtle Texas drawl that just stays in my stupid head long after he’s spoken.

The screen door creaks open causing me to glance up. Joel stepped out, a beer in hand, his worn flannel shirt rolled to his elbows. His sharp dark eyes catches mine darker ones. I can see the tired under his eyes, but he has a small lopsided grin.

“Thought I’d find you out here darlin” his voice low and warm. He leaned against the porch railing, faintest hint of a drawl curling around his words. “You always were one for the quiet”

His words make my stomach jump, the idea that Joel knows me. Knows how I think, what I like and don’t like.

Get it together Violet. It’s Joel, of course he fucking knows you. I’d tag along with him and my dad with everything since I was 7. Rides in Joel’s old pickup truck, fishing trips out by the lake, even just watching them fix whatever needed fixin’ . “Guess I like the way it feels out here” I murmur my voice soft.

Joel tipped his head a bit, his gaze feels like it’s studying me. “Can’t blame you for that. Feels like the rest of worlds a thousand miles away, doesn’t it” he sips his beer.

I nod my head, fingers curling around the edge of the swing. His intense gaze lingers and the weight of it sends a slow flush creeping up my neck.

He sank onto the swing beside me, the wood creaking under his weight. For a moment neither of us spoke, the stillness between us only filled by the cicadas.

"You're real quiet tonight" Joel's voice low. "Something on your mind?"

I glance at him,my teeth can't help catch my bottom lip thinking of my response. "Not really. Just...thinking"

"About?"

I hesitate, my fingers tracing the edge of the swing "nothing important"

I can feel him studying me again. Something he does often. He eyebrows furrowing in the process. He didn't push it, but the look in his eyes wasn't buying it. "You know you can talk to me, right kid?"

I feel my heart squeeze at his words, at the gentleness in his tone. I want to tell him everything- that I've been thinking about him for longer than I cared to admit, that my chest ached every time he smiled at me lately. But that's crazy talk, and I'd drop dead before I even think of doing such thing. 

Instead, I simply respond quietly "I know”.

Joel nodded, leaning back on the swing. I know he can feel this tension coming off me. He knows me.

"Violet" he says after a long pause, his voice softer now. "You sure you okay?"

I know he means well, he's genuinely concerned. He's like a second father to me for Christ sake. It's not his fault the past few weeks I've been keeping my distance from my dad and him. I mean I used to hang with my dad and Joel all the time, just enjoying their presence, joking with them every weekend- even if it was getting them beers and watching the rangers game.

"Yes just been workin lot" I murmur finally glancing up at him. That’s not a full lie, I’ve been working a lot at the bakery saving up to move out my parents. "Hmm" he huffs eyeing me down softly. "Well leave all that workin like a damn dog to your dad and me" he gently places his calloused hand on my knee. I tense slightly at the action not expecting it. I feel the air suck out of my lungs. I hope he didn’t hear me.

His hand gently rubbing my knee in a calming manner but it feels like my skin is on fire just from his touch.

"Okay" I breathe out in a breathless whisper. "Good girl" my bottom lip naturally finds my teeth again as my gaze instantly looks down at his praise.

"Joel! Get in here! I need someone to back me up on this !" My dad's voice booms shattering whatever the hell this moment is. I feel his gaze still on me for a beat longer before he squeezes my knee and stands to his feet "better go save him from himself" I can hear the chuckle laced in his voice. “Don’t stay out here too late, it’s getting chilly”

I smile to myself at his comment, it's known my dad usually will put his foot in his mouth especially with my mama. I watch as he goes back in the house.

I let out a shaky breath, I set my hand on my chest feeling it beat fast against it, hoping it’ll help settle my erratic heart. Good girl. His deep, southern draw still rings in my head.

"Get it together Violet. It's just Joel" I mumble to myself taking another deep breath. I shake off the nerves standing to my feet. My bare feet making the boards creak from underneath me and I open the screen door.

The smell of my mom's candles going and the voices of all three them going on about something stupid im sure my dad said.

"There's my girl" my dad's smiles, his eyes catching on mine. I look at the trio in the living room, my mom sipping on some wine sitting against my daddy. Joel sitting in his usual spot when he comes over, on the small love seat across them.

"Got a little chilly out there" I say softly. "Well get out that dress of yours and join us kid" my dad's says before turning his attention back to Joel. I glance at Joel really quick trying to steal a look but it seems his eyes are already on mine. I move my gaze quick and go up the stairs with a blush dancing on my cheeks.

This is just a quick draft of the first chapter..but id love feedback and/or ideas from you guys :)

Skylar xx

[sinsandsweetness]

POKER NIGHT

(Rick x fem!reader x Rosita)

Happy pride month loveys!! I am working on a million things rn but I started this a while ago and thought, what better time to finish it up then now…

Let me know what you think!

warnings: 18+ content. mdni, not really proof read sorry, alcohol comsumption, smutty smutty smut stuff, oral sex, FFM threesome, girl on girl.

“Alright, turn 'em over,” Rick tapped his cards against the coffee table, giving you a playful grin. You, Rosita, Tara and him all turned them over at the same time.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Again?”

“Jeez Rosita.”

She only laughed and collected the pot from the table, pulling the goodies into a pile in front of her.

“That’s like three weeks in a row. I don’t have anything left to even bet on…” Tara complained. Making you all laugh even harder as you sipped on some cherry wine.

“Im giving up. I'm going to bed.” Tara put her arms up in surrender and got up, making her way to the front porch.

“Night!” you called as she put her shoes on.

“Next week? Same time?” She asked and you all nodded, agreeing and giving a thumbs up before she shut the door.

You grabbed the bottle of wine from Rosita and took a swig.

“Another game or are you guys too tired?” You asked.

“I'm not really tired but I think my brain’s definitely done for the day.” Rick grabbed the bottle from your hands, took a swig and passed it back.

“Same here.” Rosita took the bottle back and a long chug. “Let's just sit and drink. Nobody has watch in the morning, right?”

“I’m off till Saturday.”

“Me too.” Rick answered.

“Looks like we can stay up then.” Rosita kicked her feet up and crossed her legs. Sending the wine for another circle around the table.

Two more bottles had the three of you trying your absolute hardest to keep in your drunken giggles.

“No, Rick you don't even know. She had him like this,” Rosita had moved to mount you on your spot beside him on the couch. Being sure to tuck your hands under her thighs as she straddled you. You were trying not to laugh as she was fake swinging at your face with sound effects and everything. “And he literally couldn't move or anything!”

You looked over and Rick was smiling big and leaning even further into the couch, knees spread wide.

“She’s a tough one.” He said, all amused from the show in front of him.

“Yeah she is. Got him real good. Shoulda known not to mess with our girl.”

He hummed in agreement. You looked over and up at him, cheeks all flush from the wine, pupils dilated and glued to you.

Rosita climbed off but plopped down right next to you, legs almost on top of yours. Suddenly extra aware of her touches on your leg.

“Wasn’t the first time she kicked ass. Won't be the last.” She patted your thigh a couple times, and kept her hand there. The action definitely not going without Rick's notice.

“Ohmygosh and then-” She kept rambling. You were sort of lost by the feeling of Rick staring at you. And Rositas thumb rubbing a pattern onto your thigh wasn't helping either.

“Don't you agree? Rick?” Rosita asked, sparking Rick’s attention.

“Hm?”

“That new haul from the Hilltop run? These jeans. Don't they just hug her so nicely?”

He licked his lips and looked right at you, down to your jeans and back up. “Oh. Yeah,” He chuckled. They were looking at each other now, silently agreeing on something. A very interesting cloud of tension filled the air and Rositas hand moved further up your thigh.

“She always looks so good doesn't she?”

Rick sat up, leaning his elbow on his knees.

“So cute, I could just eat her right up.” She leaned in and nuzzled her nose into your neck. You let out a nervous sigh and could actually feel your heart rate start to rise.

“Mhm.” He slowly started running his own hand up your opposite leg.

“No wonder you’re always pulling her away. Taking her on those runs, just the two of you.”

“Can't even blame me can you?”

“I’m right here you guys.” You sounded out of breath, the attention from the two of them making your head feel light. Though it was probably more so the wines fault than anything.

“We know, sweetheart.” Rick tipped your chin towards him and caught your lips with his own, kissing you gently. Rosita took the opportunity to start kissing down your neck, sucking at the sensitive skin on your jaw, and then back down to your shoulder.

Ok. This was happening. Alright.

Rick's hands started at your shirt, lifting and pulling its delicate fabric, up and over your head. While Rosita started on your pants. You didn't even know where to put your hands. It didn't matter much since she just put them where she wanted them anyway. She took you by the hips and pulled you down on top of her, with her back to the cool leather of the living room couch. Pulling on your thighs so you had no choice but to straddle her. She pulled you down to meet her lips. Rick moved to press himself up behind you, hands on your sides, right above rositas.

Grinding you down onto her as you kissed her back. Her tongue exploring your whole mouth, soft, plush lips so warm against your own. She kissed like she knew what she was doing. Which was really no surprise to you. Your own hands, without even realizing, went to unbutton her shirt. Peeling it off as Rick pulled you by the hips, dragging you back towards him. You whined at the loss of contact with Rositas lap, but he just let out an amused huff.

“She can’t have all o’ you.” He teased, pulling your jeans down, so they were around your knees, ass exposed as he palmed it with rough hands.

Rosita smiled up at him and shimmied out of her own pants, positioning herself right in front of you. When you looked up, you saw her cherry stained lips, and when you looked down, you saw her black lace thong.

Wow. Yeah this was definitely happening. The wine must have given you some sort of courage you didn’t even know you had, because you reached forward and pulled her hips towards your face. Looking back for a moment. The heat had already raise to your cheeks and you just needed some sort of reassurance. Rick was smirking and giving you a very approving nod.

“Go on, don’t be gettin all shy on us…” He teased, while his fingers dragged through your wetness. So you turned back and dipped down, to kiss her over the lacy fabric. Her hands went to your hair as you peeled her panties off, kissing her stomach and down further until you heard a real moan. There it is.

You started to lick and lap at her cunt. Trying to replicate the way Rick would always do it to you. The technique was obviously working based on the firm grip she had on your hair and the wetness seeping out onto your chin. Your tongue working her soft folds, sucking on her clit and trying to work out a pattern that would earn the best reaction from her. Whatever got her breathing all heavy and gripping your hair even tighter.

Rick was still behind you, clearly enjoying the show. He’d lined himself up with your own cunt, rubbing his precum around in your slick, before slowly pushing all the way in.

“How is she?” Rick asked from behind you as he started slowly fucking you from behind.

“Uh- so good…” Rosita let her head fall back. Relishing in the feel of your tongue.

“Atta girl.” He praised you, hand reaching around to rub your clit. “Her mouth is just heaven, ain’t it?”

“Uhuh.” Her legs tightened around your head and Rick started to thrust hard enough that you couldn’t help but moan against her. The vibration of your muffled moans made her twitch and already you could feel that familiar knot forming in the pit of your stomach. Rick had the perfect angle to hit your sweet spot with every single thrust, in combination with the circles he was rubbing against your clit. You both knew you wouldn’t last too long.

You felt a little more confident, with the way she was stuttering and cute little sounds were threatening to pour out of her mouth. So you decided to insert your fingers. If you were gonna eat the girl out, you were gonna be damn sure you made her cum.

And you did.

Two digits inside, curling upwards. The sounds of her juices squelching as you sucked on her clit, your own spit starting to run down your chin. Giving every ounce of attention you could possibly give. Even with the man pounding into you. Which by the way, definitely made it ten times more difficult. Because part of you wanted to just close your eyes and let Rick push your face into the carpet and fuck you into a shaky mess. But the other was so drunk off wine and pussy, that you couldn’t, even if you wanted to. Stuck in a determined trance between the two bodies.

You could actually feel Rositas walls tighten around you and you could tell she was close. Your name escaping her lips all rushed and quick, “I’m cumming-I’m cumming I- uh,” and the most adorable, sexy moan left her pretty mouth as she held your face against her cunt. Grinding down onto your tongue as you finger fucked her right through the orgasm. Her shaky breaths matching your own as Rick pulled up on your hair.

You thought your eyes could have rolled back to your brain. The way he twisted you around and kissed you, the taste of Rositas cum still on your lips. Moaning against him, you could feel hands on your breasts. Rosita positioning herself further under you, kissing and sucking at your chest. Gently tugging your nipple with her teeth, while her hand went to replace Ricks, rubbing on your clit. That was it for you. The attention from them both sent you over the edge, moaning into Rick's mouth as your grabbed onto Rositas arm. Rick's own hips stuttered slightly as he released almost at the exact same time.

The three of you caught your breaths in a sweaty, tangled pile on the ground. Drunken, post orgasm smiled were on each of your faces as you slowly pieced your clothes back together. Staying there for a few moments right in between them.

Rick started moving to plant lazy kisses scattering down your neck. Clearly not quite done with the evening, and trying to initiate another round. Rosita noticed and took it as a queue to leave. Not that either of you would have minded her staying. Clearly.

But regardless, she got up to gather her stuff. Dressed and ready to head back to her house.

“I’ll see you next week, sweetie,” she dipped down to kiss your cheek. Blushing hard as she walked away.

“G’night, Rick.” She winked at him and waved at you both from the porch, closing the door behind her.

You didn’t know if you wanted to wait a full week.

[goatcheesecak3]

HIII HI HI HI I LOVE YOUR WORKS AND I WANTED TI REQUEST SOMETHING WITH RODRICK?? okay so my idea is that rodrick and the reader are neighbors, aaand so one of them sneaks out to go to the others house (doesnt matter who tbh!) and they js cuddle fir a bit HLEP IDK IM BAD AT THIS anyways thats alll!!! sorry for the long ass thing 💔💔

Hello! I firstly, thank you so much for saying you enjoy my other stuff! And thank you for the suggestion :^) I'll admit, I've tweaked the idea ever so slightly, but it's still very much a cuddly Rodrick as your neighbour story, so I'm sure you'll enjoy :^)

Happy reading!

It was a cold autumn evening, you had the house to yourself and the heating on full blast. Despite the bitter chill outside, the radiator in your room was enough to render heavy pjs useless, so instead you wore shorts and a tank top. The air was still and the house was quiet, it was the perfect opportunity to get some reading done. You reclined in your bed, far away in your own world - until the peace was disturbed. You became aware of a furious banging coming from outside, and upon looking out the window toward your neighbours house, it was revealed that the source of this disturbance was your neighbour, Rodrick. He was rapping on the door with a sense of urgency, occasionally blurting out "I'll remember my keys next time I swear".

You watched inquisitively, wondering where this would go, until a second noise caught your attention, that of an upstairs window flinging open. A man's head poked out, you recognised this man as Frank Heffley, the father of Rodrick. Frank began to shout down to him,

"I've told you a million times, bring your keys or you'll be locked out"

Then you heard Rodrick's protest

"I know, but you can't seriously expect me to stay outside all night, it's FREEZING"

"sleep in your van then"

And with that the window slammed shut.

You watched as Rodrick kicked the gravel in the driveway, as he made his way back to his van, head hung in a defeated sulk. You knew Rodrick quite well, he was pretty much the posterchild for the phrase "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" - he was a couple sandwiches short of a picnic but he wasn't a bad guy. He got himself in trouble a lot, but it never really seemed to be intentional. You found yourself taking pity on him and before you knew what was happening you were opening your window and leaning out.

"Psssst! Rodrick, up here"

He turned on his feet, glancing around him with a bewildered expression until his eyes landed on you.

"What is it?" He asked

"Go to the door, I'll let you in"

He nodded.

You hesitantly opened the front door, in your thin pjs you felt the cold air smite you.

"Come in, quick, it's freezing"

Rodrick obliged.

"I saw what went down out there. Pretty rough"

"Yeah, " he grumbled, "sleep in your van" he mimicked his father, "can you believe that?"

All too suddenly you felt a nurturing instinct that you didn't know you had, and reached out to take Rodrick's frosty hands inbetween your own.

"Oh sweetpea, you're freezing! You can stay here tonight, come on let's get you warmed up."

Rodrick smiled as if to say thank you, and let himself be lead upstairs to your room. He watched curiously as you rummaged through a drawer, before emerging holding a pair of red checkered men's pyjamas bottoms.

"Lucky for you, I've always got some men's pjs knocking about somewhere, they're so much cheaper than women's" you chuckled, handing them to him

"Aw man, thank god for that. I really didn't feel like sleeping in skinny jeans, " he joked back.

You left the room to give him some privacy while he changed, and returned once he'd let you know he was decent.

Rodrick looked more than adorable in pyjamas, with his tatty little Avenged Sevenfold shirt and his sleepy eyes, hugging himself to try and warm up.

"Still cold?" You asked gently

Rodrick nodded shyly, "I was out there for about a good hour before I stopped calling and just started banging on the door."

"An hour?! Oh honey you must have caught a chill" you cooed, walking over until you were stood right in front of him. Staring affectionately into Rodrick's big brown eyes, which had seemed to triple in size as a result of your sympathy, you placed a warm hand on his cold red cheek.

Rodrick winced slightly, the warmth stinging his face

"Let's get you under a blanket okay sweetheart?"

"Yes please" he nodded with a sheepish smile.

You lifted up the duvet and patted the bed, inviting him to make himself at home.

He accepted the offer without hesitation, wrapping the duvet around himself and curling into a ball. You smiled at him, he looked so sweet all scrunched up with his messy hair. You gave his hair a gentle ruffle, and were about to leave him be and go sleep on the sofa, when you felt a hand grab your arm.

"Where are you goinggggg" whined Rodrick sleepily.

"You want me to stay?"

"Mhm" he mumbled, nodding his head without opening his eyes.

"Alright honey, I'll stay," you smiled, climbing into the bed with him.

Rodrick immediately shuffled over to you, nuzzling his face into your chest and making happy grumbling noises.

You draped an arm over him, tenderly rubbing his back just to generate a little bit of heat.

"Can you do that thing with my hair again please?" He murmured

"Of course baby" you replied, hearing the smile in your own voice.

As you lay there, softly stroking his unruly hair, Rodrick's sleepy hums gradually became quiet snores.

"Night, big guy" you whispered, even though you knew he wouldn't hear you.

And with that, you turned out your lamp and let the rhythm of Rodrick's breathing lull you to sleep.

A/n this is the first fic I've written in YEARS, so sorry if I'm a little rusty lol. Hope u enjoyed regardless :^)

[bloominglegumes]

Oh my goodness I just had to say I really love your fem Jazz she's so gorgeous I literally get so excited whenever I see her kicking my feet in the air help me..😭💖💖 I saw your previous post about fem Prowl and was wondering where you got ideas for visualising fem Jazz too!! :> Anyways love your work they are truly a blessing 🥹🥹

aahgh thank you so much!! <3 me too fr i'm the one drawing them and i'm like hunched over my tablet face in my hands grinning madly twirling my hair with my pen like nuts absolutely nuts

sorry this answer got really long,, i get asked about my favourite fictional guys or my art process and i just like schwoomph every time

for prowl my instinct was just straight up put her in a uniform ,, hair pinned + gelled back, low bun above the collar and held in a net etc etc and that made decisions like giving her thick shoulders and a gorgeous cold stare a lot easier!!! but i struggled more with jazz because of.jazz's whole character ykyk

jazz was one of the first tf characters i started noodling with a bishoujo design for, so initially i used the kotobukiya designs as a general style guide along with loose vibes combining spy + dancer, with a healthy amount of "how do i make her more cool + hot"

so so so i dug through pinterest a lot while looking for refs/inspo and felt my love for pretty girls growing by the second T~T

for the hair though,,, i tampered around a little trying to decide between buns and braids and such but i think now i'll mostly stick with giving jazz the undercut + dreadlocks?? i can finagle some cool shapes from it tied up, feels like it fits the effortlessly collected vibe that jazz would have, and since the hair doesn't cover the neck, i can give her that type of black turtleneck collar because it's.like . i just have to

^^ literally just crusty scribbles on bits of scrap paper many months ago ;w;

since then i've decided on more little things like .super strong muscled dancers legs + thighs that can and have killed + nails trimmed short + calloused finger pads + catlike flexibility but im largely dooming myself bc i cant show all of those things even if i'm drawing them in a more realistic style and im so.hhdgfhdj

i'm still mostly messing with outfits as i go, though, so. thats why theyre different in every drawing but i'm generally trying to keep a similar feeling between them :,D

[cielles-random-vault]

OMG! I love that you included the age regression part in the Hobie and neurodivergent reader thing! It's really cool to see people write for it especially with Hobie! It would be really cool if you could write more for it! No pressure tho! (Your writing is really really cool! /srs)

OMG TYSM ILY I- <3 <3 <3 /p

ofc!! if you want i can try writing it for all characters ? but im scared it'd be repetitive 🥲

BUT OMG I'M SO HAPPY PPL LIKE MY WRITING AAAAAA /pos

so here have a lil fic :3 tysm once again ily this made my day /g /p

sharing a non verbal moment in little space with hobie !

author's note: omg anon you made me so happy you fr got me giggling and kicking my feet in the air /pos

author's note 2: age regression is a coping mechanism often used by trauma/abuse victims in which one puts themself at the age they were when the trauma occurred - find more about it here!

synopsis/content: just a whole bunch of fluff for my new favorite anon <33 reader is a non verbal age regressor and gender neutral 🦅 this won't be proofread 🕺🏻also hobie is the reader's boyfriend <3 aaaand small mention of trauma

you heard some gentle knocking on the door of your room.

"doll? can i come in?" hobie asked, waiting for your response.

seeing you didn't say anything, he gently invited himself in.

as he noticed you playing with your stuffed animals on the floor, he instantly knew you were age regressing.

though you never talked to him about your trauma, he knew what were the signs of you being in your little space, so he tried his best to support you as he knew it was a trauma induced coping mechanism.

"i'm sorry i arrived late at the tea party" he says, joining you on the floor.

you chuckle at the sight of your boyfriend - the punk, careless boy - taking parts in such activities.

you took a small piece of paper and a colorful, shiny pencil next to you and started to write something.

"me.. can't talk.. me is nonverbal.." read hobie. "no problem!" he says with a frank smile. "you don't have to talk if you don't want to, there's really no pressure. do you want to watch some cartoons while i prepare you your favorite food? we can cuddle and fill in some coulouring books if you'd like to?"

you nod and flap your hands in excitement.

a few moments later, your boyfriend got in the living room with two plates of dino nuggets and a glass of vanilla milk and sat next to you.

while the two of you were eating, you excitedly pointed to the tv.

"bluey? is this who you are trying to show me?" he asked.

you nod as excitedly as you pointed out your favorite character again.

"you're right, star." hobie nods. "bluey is also my favorite character. you know why? because she reminds me a lot of you - being so cute and when she's all excited."

you and your boyfriend kept on watching bluey and filling out coloring books for so much time you started to get tired.

"say, isn't my little star getting tired?" he asked as he noticed you started yawning.

you tried to shake your head as a way to say no, but soon after that you started falling asleep on your colorings.

"come on, little one, i think it's time we go to sleep" hobie said softly. "don't worry, tomorrow we will have plenty of time to finish those coloring pages."

you headed to the bathroom, holding hands while he helped you brush your teeth and fix your hair.

he then helped you getting in bed, making sure that you didn't leave out any plushies on the floor (that made you sad) and joined you for some pre-sleep cuddles.

"have a good night star" he says as he softly kisses your cheek. "i love you."

THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE ILY FOR THAT ANON <333 I HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY <333

[stabby-stabby-yall]

Madaparty theme 1: Penguins!

I've so busy I didn't have time to prep anything so

Here's my first ever public fanfic!! Written in two days and almost completely unedited. I'm so tired I might actually be sick ngl.

Summary: When Private finds out that Rico's birthday is coming soon, he begs Skipper to throw a party. But things keep going wrong, and no one is sure they'll meet their deadline.

(can also be read on ao3!)

Skipper wakes up at six am on the dot, ready to take full advantage of his team's free schedule for the next week. The zoo had temporarily closed due to a ‘dangerous and unexplainable chasm’ that appeared in front of the entrance overnight the day before. He would be concerned if it weren't for the fact that he knew Kowalski and Rico snuck out to perform weapons testing that night. He gets his much needed coffee, before promptly turning all the lights to their highest settings.

“Up and at ‘em boys! We've got a packed day, full of team building exercises!” He grinned at his team's groans. Did they really think he wasn't going to use this opportunity to get in some bonding?

“Sir,” Kowalski groaned from his bunk, “with all due respect, do you really think team building exercises are the best way for us to spend the only free week we get until winter?”

“Positive, now on your feet soldiers!”

Private slid out of his bunk, looking half awake and like he'd lost a fight with his blanket it was so tangled. “Please, can't we have the week off? Or at least the day?” he looked at him with such pitiful eyes Skipper almost gave in right there, but his resolve remained strong.

At least until Kowalski pointed out that “Where will we even go? Our regular exercise area is under construction, remember?” He shot a look at Rico, who looked away nervously.

“Of course I do!” He had, he Just- didn't process that most of their team building exercises required the open area of the entrance to pull off. “But I guess if you're all going to be a bunch of nancy cats, we can wait until winter.” His team cheered, before Kowalski and Rico split off into the lab and garage respectively. Private moved to turn on the TV, until Skipper set a flipper in front of him.

“What do you think you're doing, soldier?”

“Oh- the Lunacorn’s movie is airing today! I was going to watch it before I got spoiled.” He shot him a bright smile and asked, “Do you want to watch it with me, Skippah?”

Skipper, who worked hard to keep his grimace under wraps, shook his head. “Negatory, Private. In fact, I have a very important mission for you instead,” he leaned close, “I need you to sort through the old files in our storage, and destroy all the unnecessary ones.”

Private looked disappointed, but nodded and walked off to where they kept the papers. Skipper wasn't lying, they really did need to get rid of those files, but he had another reason to keep Private away from the TV today. After all, he wasn't the only one whose favorite show had something new to watch. He flicked the channels until it landed on Shirtless Ninja Action Theater, and settled in to watch the new episode.

#####

Skipper leaned forward as the actor performed a near perfect spinning kick, landing so solidly he was almost convinced they were professionally trained. He cheered as their opponent went down easily, before the basement door slammed open with Private breathing heavily on the other side, a paper in his flipper.Private speaks before he can, gasping out excitedly “Did you know Rico's birthday is soon?” and pointing at the calendar in his flipper.

Skipper, who had gotten into a fighting position instinctively, blinked at him. It was soon, he thought, but he didn't understand why that fact set Private off like that. He kept going, though, asking “What are we going to do for it?”

“Same thing we do for everyone,” he shrugged. “Let ‘im sleep in and get him some good fish.” Private though, looked surprised.

“That's it? We aren't going to have a party, or do anything?”

“It's the way we always do it, Private. I know you've only been with us a short time, but you must've noticed that.”

Private shook his head sadly. Skipper sighed as he realized that this was going to become An Issue, and that he'd better cut it off now, before he got any ideas.

“Look, it's tradition. No need for it to be a big deal. Besides, what else would we even do?”

He regretted asking as soon as he saw Private’s eyes started to literally sparkle. “Can I please throw him a party?” he asked.

He was saved from crushing his dreams when Kowalski walked out of the lab. He glanced between the two of them.

Private rushed towards him, with stars in his eyes, and asked "Don't you think we should throw a party, Kowalski?"

Kowalski took a step back and shielded his eyes. “What- stop looking at me like that- what for?”

“The private wants to throw Rico a birthday party.”

Private jumped towards him, giving him the full force of his cuteness. “Oh, please Kowalski, don't you think I could throw a smashing party?”

“Well, I suppose we could, now that the zoo's closed, but-” Private shot him his most hopeful and adorable expression, and Kowalski couldn't resist. “You know, I do have some experimental firework designs I've been wanting to try…”

“Not you too Kowalski! Come on, have some sense. It's what we do every time!”

“Well, maybe we could try something new! Wouldn't that be grand?”

“It would be great team building!” Kowalski added.

The combined force of both their hopeful faces made him break. “Fine, you can have your party! But I'm sticking to tradition.”

#####

Private grinned as he climbed up the ladder and entered the zoo proper. He'd find the perfect spot for Rico, somewhere nice and pretty! He slid around the other habitats, waving to some of his neighbors as he went. Even though Skipper always maintained his distance with them, he couldn't help but want some relationship with the people he shared a zoo with, even if it was only cordial. In the distance he could hear someone complain about the lack of guests, and how ‘on days like these they don't even brush my mane, can you believe them Marty?’.

He climbed up on top of a fence for a better view of the zoo, hoping to have something jump out at him. Nearby, he noticed an empty habitat that looked promising, and he slid over to it. When He jumped onto the ledge overlooking it though, he almost fell back in surprise. The habit was a wreck, with scratches on the walls, holes in the floor, and odd staining everywhere. He was worried to even try and take a closer look with how close it looked to collapsing in on itself. It clearly hadn't been taken care of since whatever animal was inside was removed. He decided to move on.

The next spot he found was similar, perfect until he looked closer. The others were much of the same. He moved through the zoo, stopping at any spots that looked promising, but couldn't find anything good enough. He'd begun to feel a little saddened, doubtful he'd find any place at all, until he stumbled on somewhere perfect. It was tucked in-between two habitats, one full of cute little hedgehogs and one full of nice sea lions. It had a beautiful mural on the wall behind it with a bunch of lovely sayings, and over the wall you could hear the sounds of children laughing at a nearby playground. It would be perfect.

Except it didn't feel right. Something about imagining Rico here felt wrong, even though Private thought it was the perfect spot!

Maybe he just- needed a change in perspective. He imagined himself as Rico, being here looking at this spot, and that's when it clicked. When he thought about it, of course Rico wouldn't like this spot. The other residents were too nice, the mural was too mushy, and the laughter grated on his ears. Of course he wouldn't want a party here. And, honestly? He wasn't sure it would be a good idea to have the kind of party Rico liked here.

He'd find a better spot, one that fit with his new understanding of what it needed. He couldn't think of any he'd seen, so he turned to look around even more, but realized in shock that there was no more zoo to search. He'd have to find something outside the zoo then.

But Private soon realized he didn't know anything about the park that surrounded the zoo, and as he hopped over the wall, he didn't know where to begin. As he began wandering around, he checked for any good areas and avoided any humans. So caught up in this was he that he ran right into someone.

“Oh, I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention,” he exclaimed.

“It is alright,” a voice with a heavy Spanish accent responded. He was a tall, well built otter with green eyes and a relaxed smile. “What has you in such a rush?” he asked, holding out his hand.

Private smiled back and took it. “I'm trying to find a spot for a friend's birthday party,” he answered, “I don't suppose you have any suggestions? I don't come here often,” he added nervously.

The otter thought for a moment, and then lit up. “I do, if you go towards the east you will find a lake perfect for penguins like you.”

Private beamed, thanking the otter before running in the direction he'd been pointed towards.

#####

Kowalski groaned as he slammed his head on his desk. What was supposed to be a quick and easy build and rest process had spiralled incredibly, and now he only had three days until Rico's birthday. At first, he'd only realized the weight distribution was off, that the fireworks wouldn't even be able to fly without going wildly off course. With the area Private described for the location, that would go beyond bad right into disastrous. So he switched to a lighter fuel source. When he ran the test again though, the fuel wasn't strong enough to lift more than the slightest bit of the ground.

This had been going on for days. Not a single attempt had worked, and not only was he running out of options, but also materials. So he'd taken to carefully sketching out designs and writing the calculations, scraping anything that had a hint of failure. He was so close to giving up, scraping the whole project and coming up with something more basic. But he wanted this to work, because for all his doubts he knew Rico would love them.

He scribbled out another attempt. He just had to find a balance between weight and fuel. But, as Kowalski checked his numbers again,and marked another failure, he realized that-

There wasn't anything left. He had exhausted every possibility, every set of values had ended in failure. He'd have to invent an entirely new design, build one from the ground up, and Kowalski knows he's good but even he couldn't do that with the time and materials he had. He puts his head into his flippers, willing himself to calm down and think of a solution. He looked back to his diagram.

If the weight wasn't a problem, then he could just have it fire off small amounts of fuel at a time, but it is, so if he could just solve that-

He stopped. Looked at his paper. And began to form an idea.

Because, maybe, he could get rid of the need for it to be lightweight, because what if they didn't need to fly? After all, fireworks weren't the only type of celebratory explosions, and he could change the input-

“Eureka!” Kowalski cried out, and he began to sketch a new design for grounded fireworks.

#####

Skipper huffed to himself as he snuck past the construction crew, not like they were paying any attention. He hitched a ride on one of their outgoing trucks into the city proper, aiming for the fish market he always got the team’s gifts from. Really, he didn't know why Kowalski and Private insisted on making it so complicated. If they hadn't combined forces like that- well, he'd probably still be here, the night before the party, getting fish. But it's the principle of it all!

Besides, birthdays weren't a big deal, they were just a sign that you were getting older and closer to retirement. That didn't need celebrating.

But, here he was. Preparing for a party he doesn't see the point in and won't enjoy, just for his boys. At least the number of explosions from the lab had gone down drastically, so either Kowalski figured out his problems or he gave up.

Skipper leapt off the truck in front of the market. It was closed, but that didn't mean much to an agent like him. But when he slipped inside, it was empty. Not just of people, but of fish too. Everything was gone.

It was a trap, it had to be. Maybe by Hans, or worse- Blowhole! He moved deeper in, sticking to shadows, when he came across two workers. He listened for more information.

“You idiot! How did you not place a single order!? It's your one job!”

“Look, Jamie told me he was handling it! So I took the day off, and I came back to no orders and an empty market!”

“And you trusted him to do that, why? Kids only been ‘ere a week. It's why we only have him stock.”

“Yeah, I know Kam. But I had to get home quick, what with Mary and-”

Skipper decided to stop listening. It wasn't a trap, just a supposed mistake, but that still meant he needed to come up with a new gift. Not a big deal, he knew Rico well enough to have another plan. It would be even better than Private's and Kowalski’s, he decided. He slides towards where he knows a toy store is, and slips in through a vent. His eyes scan the aisles until they land on his goal. A large box of doll clothes sat, and he cracked it open with glee.

He began sorting through them, picking out anything that might fit Rico's lady friend. He ends up with a sizable pile, and he's sure he'll find something perfect.

Until he actually starts looking through them.

“Too glittery,” Skipper said to himself, “too cheap, too gaudy, way too revealing, this is being sold to kids?” he shook his head. Was there really nothing? He continued.

“Too frilly, too bright, is that tie-dye? Hippies.” He'd reached the end of the pile, with absolutely nothing to show for it. That wasn't good. He didn't have a backup-backup plan. He began to wander, hitching another ride. He looked at the stores they passed, contemplating. He'd known Rico the longest, out of his remaining team. Surely he knew him well enough to come up with something?

Suddenly, something caught his eye. In the window of a shop was something so beautiful, he knew it would be perfect. A set of blades, with wavy patterns on the blade, and expertly carved handles. Skipper hopped off the car he'd rode, which had parked anyway, and snuck towards the shop.

He let out a low whistle. They were even better up close, and he could just imagine them carving through meat. He slipped into the shop unnoticed to pay for them.

#####

Rico woke up, feeling more rested than he should with how late he stayed up last night, and knew something was wrong immediately. Because even though the lights are off, he can see out the windows and it is very bright out. When he checks, no one else is in their bunks. The only reason they were allowed to sleep in was if someone was in bad shape, and, when he thought about it, birthdays, but he would definitely have remembered one of those. His team has been acting weird for days, looking weirdly smug and going out for a long time each. He should've known something was wrong-

He jumps as he hears the lab door open, and turns to see Skipper walk out with Kowalski. “At ease, soldier. What's got you all worked up?”

Rico blinked at him. He gestured to the not-quite dark HQ, and to the empty bunks. Skipper raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Kowalski.

“Rico, do you remember what day it is?” Kowalski asked, looking like he was trying not to laugh. At Rico’s blank look, he sighed. “Did you really forget your own birthday?”

His eyes widened, and he clapped his flippers together. Not only was nothing wrong, but it was his birthday! But, as he looked around for his special breakfast, he noticed not only were there no fish, but Private was still missing. He turned back to the others, who were now sitting at the table. “Fiiish?”

Skipper looked at the clock on the wall. Just as he began to answer, Private slid into the room smiling. “It's all ready! Now we just have to wait for- oh! Hello Rico!”

Now he was curious, but he didn't get to ask anything before Private began ushering them all forward. He led them through the tunnels until Rico was sure they had left the zoo area. They finally entered the park through a hatch, but Private stopped.

“We want this to be a surprise, so you're going to need to wear this!” He held out a white blindfold, the same one they used for training. Rico glared at it before putting it on. He was led further, until they came to a stop. He thought he could hear water nearby.

“Okay, you can look now!” As Rico pulled off the blindfold, he looked around. There was a small shack, well taken care of, and a large concrete pad around it. Set on a picnic blanket he didn't even know they had, he saw a container full of huge fish. In the middle of the concrete were some weird looking machines that were probably what had Kowalski looking so smug all week.

“I bartered with some of the bigger animals for some of their fish! I also got everything you could want for sushi,” said Private, “I thought we could eat while we watched what Kowalski put together.”

“Before we do that,” Skipper cut in, “how ‘bout you open your gift first?” He gestured to a package he hadn't noticed earlier, and when he tore through the paper, he let out a gasp. They were beautiful, handcrafted blades, perfectly sharp. They were perfect, he thought as he cut though the fish like it was paper.

“Kitchen knives! Good thinking, Skipper,” said Kowalski, coming back from making adjustments to the machine, “it’s primed and ready whenever.”

“Then let's eat so we can watch this light show!”They all made their sushi, then sat on the blanket and watched as the machine lit up. It began to fire off bright sparks of every color, random at first, then splitting off into different shapes. It was incredible, and impressive that Kowalski had managed this.

With its last few sparks it spelled out, in red and blue letters, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICO”. He clapped when it was over, cheering. He saw Skipper smile next to him.

“Well boys, I think Operation: Celebration was a success, don't you?” Everyone agreed.

“Does this mean we can do this for everyone?” Private asked.

Skipper rolled his eyes, but still smiled. “I guess we could. We can make this our new thing.” Rico smiled excitedly. This was so much better than tradition.

[ophernelia]

hey! random question and honestly if it's too personal feel free to ignore me, but I was wondering how do you get pass some bad depression and anxiety? this is such a chaotic ask dude im sorry im having a shitty day tryna calm myself down before I go into a full anxiety attack it's a shot in the dark like how do you even answer that question especially when you're actively trying to get thru it and live yourself? dumb question girl im depeserate and this is cringey as hell,thank you if you do take the time to answer it. it'll help me more than you know

It's not dumb at all! I don't mind answering! I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I've been there a few times over the last month, so I understand completely. Recent world and personal events aside- it's that time of year when depression and anxiety kick up again. It's been a doozy this time. As someone in the medical field I will say GET SOME SUNLIGHT! Get some good rest. Eat foods that make you feel good. Try to do whatever light activity you can. Unfortunately they were not lying when they said that stuff helps. I thought it was a gimmick. (Also, this will look different for everyone so don't feel bad about sticking to a certain thing. I have disabled loved ones, so walking around isn't something they can really do. Instead I try to get them to do what they can. Lift their feet, rotate their wrists, open up the windows to let in some fresh air. Whatever you can do, try it. And whatever you can't do, to hell with it anyway.)

I use the same coping skills year round. Though they may pick up in frequency around this time or I'll add in something new. I typically manage my depression and anxiety the same way. Most times they go hand in hand for me. I'm big on nervous system regulation. For me that looks like going for a walk, tapping/patting my body, deep breathing exercises, or just getting some good rest. If all else fails- one thing Ima do is take a nap. For me lately, the bodily sensations are what bother me the most, so I do that to combat it. I try to calm myself down physically first. There's a game I like to play on my phone called "Kinder World". They have you do exercises like deep breathing and emotion naming to be able to grow and water plants. It's a fun and calming distraction. I need to look into it more, but I feel like they had mental health professionals work on or contribute to the app. It's in line with a lot of things I learned while getting my degrees.

I'm also very big on self talk, self compassion, etc. Especially when I'm having a depressive episode. I've gotten good at understanding my feelings are just feelings. I can respect them, they're valid, but that's about it. They aren't destiny markers, they aren't indicators that I'll always feel bad. I like to think about times where I thought I was dealing with something I could never get through. Something I could never get over. I got over all of that and then some. My future views were just skewed at the time. I try to remember that I feel rough now, but I won't always feel this bad. It helps me to not slip deeper into it. I also try to care for myself as if I was caring for someone I love. "How do I help Brook?" She needs to eat, so I'll get her something she'll enjoy. She needs to bathe, so I'll drag myself into the shower and get it done with. Even if I feel like I need a hug, I will hug myself. The only person who can understand how I feel right now is myself. I try to be nice to her. I try to give her grace. I will still hold myself accountable for missteps, but I try to do it all with love and compassion. That's not to say I am a "love and light" girl. I'm rough with my words. I will argue with people if I feel like it. I curse like a mf sailor, irl. In front of my momma and everything. (Uh huh, al the black folks is clutching their pearls right now. I do it and don't feel a way about it LMAO) But it makes no sense in being rough with yourself if you know it won't help improve your well-being.

I've been working on myself for years though. I've had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It's something that has grown with me, if that makes sense. That monster is always there, but I've gotten to the point where it's like "well, bitch you're here so let's figure out how to make this work." It's tough. Managing it is tough, sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. The way I handle this is to just push through. I try to improve my situation where I can and where I can't? It is what it is. I've got a lot of faith in myself and the belief that I will always live well. I take my moments of happiness and I take my gratitude and make em' stretch.

[burntb4bydoll]

HI!! UHM i genuinely love and enjoy your silly headcanons like omg i would be like screaming, kicking my feet in the air, giggling, rolling on my bed just READING THEM omg i am so inlove with ur georg listing headcanons omg

PLEASE make roadhead hc's for georg listing im begging on my knees 🤒

THANK YOU SM BABE!!!

Road head with Georg Listing headcanons

•i dont think he would bring it up, purely because he’s never thought about it before

•but you happened to make a joke about it and it got him thinking…

•you guys were taking a little roadtrip but both of you were starting to get a lil bored so he eventually asked you to suck him off😭

•and whos gonna turn down a chance to give him head? Definitely not me that’s for sure.

•he ends up enjoying it WAY more that he expected. The thrill of doing something so dirty while driving next to a bunch of clueless people really gets him going

•his hand rests on the back of your neck the whole time, occasionally pushing down to make you take more of him

•hes big on dirty talk, so you bet hes gonna be saying some nasty things to you😇

“Good fucking girl/boy/slut. Taking my dick so fucking good, aren’t you?”

“You’re doing such a good job, pretty girl/boy/baby. Always so eager to please me.”

“Oh fuck, babydoll. Your mouth just was made for me, hm?”

•HE GROANS SO LOUD OMFG

•omfg he would looks so pretty. his eyes are halfway closed and he had to put his hair up because it was getting in his way of seeing you.

[eiirisworkshop]

A Fireside Chat

(A Hazbin Hotel ficlet) Rated: T Length: ~ 500 Summary: Aesthetically pleasing arson and talking to your bestie about your FWB—it's a pretty good day in Hell. Warning: Rape mention. Can be read on Ao3, along with its whole series!

Different things burned different colors.  Blue and green was copper.  Angel didn’t know why the shell of a building at the bottom of the hill had so much copper in it, but it sure was pretty.  He slurped at his iced coffee and watched it burn.

Cherri whooped excitedly, jumping up and down as some support or another succumbed to the flames and half the roof fell in. She plopped next to Angel in the scrubby red grass of the hillside, took a deep breath of smoky air, and let it out. “Ah, that’s the good stuff. Thanks.” She took her own coffee back from him and sipped it. “Anyway, yeah. Other than all that bullshit, pretty good week. How’s things with you?”

“Well,” he gave his cup a shake to dislodge the ice, “I’m getting raped by my boss.”

Cherri looked over at him sharply. 

He shrugged. “Nothin’ new, you know that,” he sighed. “Just something I can actually say out loud now.”

“Angie,” she said heartbreak-soft, putting an arm around him. He leaned his head against hers. She gave him a comforting squeeze. “I hoped that’d be better with you moved out.”

“It is, but better doesn’t mean fixed and I’m still under contract so….”

“Yeah.” She took his hand. “You know you can call me, doesn’t matter what time it is, if you need me I will burn the place down to get to you if I gotta.”

“I know.” He smiled appreciatively then shook his head, looking back to the blaze. “Honestly thought you might be who took me home last time, but there’s no sign in my phone I called you and no texts.”

She frowned. “I haven’t been your ride home anywhere for more than a month.”

He stirred his coffee with the straw. “Yeah, I dunno how I got home.”

“Because you were high, right?” 

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Angel mumbled.  “I remember being…with Val, and I remember walking up to the hotel—between there, I got nothin’.”  He picked at a thread on the edge of his jacket.  “Husk took care a me.”

Cherri smiled a little.  “Ol’ grump’s a good kitty, huh?”

“Yeah,” Angel grinned.  “Just don’t say the kitty part to his face.  But, Cherri, he purrs during sex sometimes and it is the cutest fucking thing.”

“Aw!” she laughed.  “So much for your not being into pussy.”

He snorted.  “Shouldn’t be a surprise; my best mate’s a cunt.”

She laughed harder and flopped back on the grass, hair fanned out under her head.  “You really like him, don’t ya?”

“Yeah,” Angel leaned back on one pair of elbows.  “He’s a good friend.”

She handed him her coffee so she could roll over onto her front, kicking her feet.  “Okay, but do you fancy him?”

Angel sighed, eyed the dregs of his coffee, drank some of hers, and grumbled, “Babe, I think I’m in fuckin’ love with him.”

“Oh.”  Cherri’s feet dropped to the ground.  “Are you gonna tell ‘im?”

He shook his head.  “Nah, that’s more of a mess than I wanna deal with.”

“Fair.”  She rested her chin on her hands.  “I’m glad you’ve got ‘im anyway.”

“Yeah, me too.”

[dogwittaablog]

this ask turned into some insane ramble feeling journal entry dump thing that got away from me im so sorry

i got into hockey last year during the playoffs and had basically no interest in nolpat or the flyers like watching the burner exposé unfold meant basically nothing to me. i didnt even know all the nhl teams much less care about this brain damaged draft bust from a team not even in the playoffs but im currently living that NEET life and ive had time to be bored as fuck and fall down that rabbit hole and get invested. im so annoyed np is attractive (only when hes mostly cleanshaven and with certain hair lengths. his facial hair is nasty i think hes going through twink death) i watched the bo show and was smiling fuck my shit life.

the 1 on 1 nolpat flyers vid (https://youtu.be/UyjbFn2QRXk?si=UgsT637ka3_qFZbO&t=304) the interviewer at the end (like 5:04) asks what he wants people to associate with his name "probably just be a good person. a good teammate. thats kinda the main thing for me honestly......being a good teammate, good person off the ice is one of the most important things" with the knowledge of the burner is soo ironic like that media training is being put to work. i am finding some joy that majority of hockey fans only really remember him is for being an injury riddled bust or one half of a ship of him having gay sex with a teammate. and the burners. plus his biggest fans being people who shipped nptk and kinda headcanoned him as like genderfucky? because of his pretty face and the long hair. i bet he was fucking seething. he's so irrelevant now. i so badly want a front row seat of his life being shit. i want to see him to go through all levels of hell while alive. i hope he fucking hated living in philly. i want him to feel like sisyphus pushing that fucking pointless rock up that hill everyday (AND NOT ENJOYING IT OR FIND HAPPINESS IN THE ACTION). i lowkey need him to go bankrupt and start a gay4pay OF. can everyone please manifest with me. i need him to go through what he was saying about women on the burners. get in a skimpy dress and on the workbench now!!!! god hes a loser do u kno abt those batman 2022 riddler fanart/fics that has like horny incel vibes??

this is a lot and i'm sorry for coming to his grave and defacing it by hate jerking off while everyone is shit talking him.

I live for rambles ngl especially when they're articulate and self expressive mixed in with some good humour and relatableness.

He's stated more than once that he values how people perceives him especially around the locker room and team, but tbh if you read inbetween the lines I think he really was telling us that he mainly just values his friends, families, hockey bro's and his coaches/staff perception of him and not necessarily anyone outside of that. Not saying that's super bad but you can tell that mf is selective af with being genuinely nice to people in general.

STOP the way old videos of him really got us kicking and swinging our feet in the air. The BO show was such a classic gem ugh his laugh is literally engraved into my brain from that vid. Draft him was 10/10 nobody could deny it, he is too in love with the greasy musty look I don't know when we'd ever see him look like that again.

I am unaware of the batman 2022 riddler fanart/fanfics, but I'll jump into the rabbit hole.

[iiseult]

Day Off: Jerry Pascal x Vanessa Riggin (part 1)

Note: This is my first time writing anything for this fandom and probably nobody will gaf but i also dgaf so im posting it anyway!!! I needed a break from my other ongoing fics and im kinda obsessed w Jerry rn so this was an easy write.

CWs: Smut, fluff, oral, gas station sex, jerry is lichrally in love, mentions of alcohol consumption, idk just yeah man it's hot stuff

The first time Jerry met Vanessa, she was drunk on a Sunday afternoon. Not that he was judging.

When he heard the little bell above the front door jingle, he looked up from behind the counter and called his usual lackluster greeting of, “how can I help you?”, but it died in his throat and petered out into more of a “how can I- ha…” when he got a good look at her. She was wearing a yellow t-shirt and a pair of hello kitty pajama pants, and a pair of huge black sunglasses covered most of the top half of her face. She made a beeline for the alcohol aisle and, with her left hand, she grabbed the first six-pack of cheap beers she saw. In her right hand she held an empty coke bottle, which she placed in front of him on the counter with a grin.

“D’you think you could get rid of this for me? Couldn’t find a recycling bin outside.”

He kind of knew he was done for once he got a whiff of what was actually inside the coke bottle, and it sure wasn’t no coke. He was never one for professionalism, so he didn’t think twice about nodding dumbly and ringing her up without checking her ID, even though she was pretty obviously underage. He also didn’t think twice about shamelessly chatting her up– a conversation which ended in her appointment as a new part-time employee for the summer. Jerry didn’t actually have the power to hire anyone, but the way he proposed the idea to the owners on the phone later with such dignity and aplomb left them unable to refuse.

“Hey, please buddy, come on, I’m on my knees here! Look, I know you can’t see me, but if you check the security cameras you’ll see that I am literally… literally on my knees!” Jerry cried, tilting his head to the side and holding up prayer hands towards the camera, like a grotesque caricature of the Virgin Mary. Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned for what felt like the millionth time in the past hour, turning around to avoid watching.

“Jerry, besides the fact that she was drunk for the entirety of the… ‘employee interview,’” he air-quoted, “we don’t have enough money to take on another employee! How are they gonna pay her?” Jerry put his hand over the receiver and shushed Jack viciously, a little spit flying out of his mouth, before returning to his conversation.

“Uh-huh…uh-huh…yeah, no, I completely understand, no, totally. Right, right. Of course. For sure. Definitely. Indubitably. Could you just give me one second, please?”

Jerry slumped against the side of the counter and sulked, covering the receiver again and sighing. He looked up at his friend with kicked puppy eyes. “But she’s so hot, dude, I’d hate to disappoint her…we gotta figure something out,” he muttered, when suddenly another brilliant idea struck him. “WAIT! I have had…a thought!” He declared, suddenly jumping to his feet and uncovering the receiver.

“You can give her half of my paycheck!”

So about a month and a half into working side-by-side at the gas station most days of the week, Vanessa and Jerry had grown quite close. He started picking up extra day shifts on top of his usual nights to make it up to the owners, and to spend more time with Van. It sounded like a great idea on June first, but by the time the fourth of July rolled around, he was really starting to look worse for wear. He often worked 24 hours in a row and only had eight-hour breaks between them, during which he’d sleep on a hammock in the dry storage room, not seeing a point in driving all the way home just to come back as soon as he opened his eyes. Jack didn’t seem to mind; all he had to do was remember to knock before restocking the chips. And Van was none the wiser to the entire situation, clueless to the fact that Jerry was sacrificing so much to keep her around.

Despite the fact that it was her day off, Van swaggered into the gas station, cheering when she saw Jerry behind the counter. A goofy smile spread across his face. Even though it was the twenty-second straight hour of his shift and his eyes actually wouldn’t open more than halfway, he felt a warm tingly feeling spread through his body at her presence.

“Hey, what’s up, Van?” he called. She sidled up to the edge of his counter and leaned her elbows on it, gazing into his red-rimmed eyes absently.

“Thought I’d pay you a little visit since I got nothing going on tonight,” she drawled, and the fact that Jerry’s eyes were glued to the neckline of her low-cut top was not lost on her. In fact, it made her feel good inside. He nodded, and without looking back up he said, "Sure glad you did.”

Before she could say anything, the little bell rang and she turned her head to see an actual customer enter the store– a middle-aged man with a poorly concealed beer belly and a backwards baseball cap. She quickly walked around to the other side of the counter and planted herself next to Jerry, their shoulders brushing slightly. He shivered and glanced at her sidelong. She was staring ahead, watching the customer as he approached the counter with an assortment of items in his hands, a large grin on her face. He wanted to say something, to ask what she was up to, but that thought was dashed from his mind when the customer dumped his things in front of him with a loud ‘clunk.’

“Hey, how ya doin’ today,” Jerry said quietly. He rang up the items one by one. The customer grunted in acknowledgement. And below the counter, where nobody could see, Van slowly slid her hand up Jerry’s leg, starting at his knee and settling on his upper thigh. His breath hitched and his face began to heat up. Alarms were going off in his head, and he suddenly worried he had stayed up too many hours at a time and finally lost his mind, but when she gently squeezed his thigh, he swallowed hard. No, it was real. And there was really a customer in front of him, a matter of inches away, watching him attempt to do his job.

“Can I also get a pack of smokes?” the customer rasped, pointing to a pack of reds to Jerry’s left. Van squeezed harder, getting dangerously close to a sensitive area. Jerry cleared his throat and grabbed the cigarettes quickly, his hands shaking slightly.

“Yeah, n-no problem. That’ll be $17.80,” he replied quietly, accepting the twenty from the customer and handing him his change. The man gathered his things and grunted once more, turning around and heading for the door. As soon as he was facing the opposite direction, Jerry let out a sharp breath, his eyes fluttering shut, and discreetly shifted his weight, trying to hide the growing bulge in his jeans.

“Have a nice day!” Van called as the customer disappeared out the front door. As soon as he had, Jerry’s eyes darted around, making sure there was nobody else in the store. There wasn’t. He turned his body to face her, one hand gripping the countertop for dear life.

“Jesus, Van,” he muttered, and he could feel his pulse pounding in his ears. And also in his jeans. She turned so they were facing each other and her hands flew to his hips, holding him at an arm’s length.

“Aww, big boy, you’re so cute when you blush,” she said softly.

Jerry could feel his face getting hotter, could feel the entire room getting hotter. Despite this, he scoffed.

“I do not blush. I just… overheat sometimes. It’s a guy thing- a, a man thing,” he clarified, looking down at her sternly. She only smiled and patted his hip affectionately.

“Yes, you do, Jer, and I love it. Such a pretty boy,” she cooed, rubbing her thumbs over his hip bones. He let out a small sound that was something between a grunt and a whimper.

“Stop it, Van, you’re driving me crazy,” he complained, his voice tinged with amusement. In response she let out a groan, which turned into a low laugh as she noticed how his pants had magically become at least two sizes too small between the legs.

“Aww, pretty,” she chuckled, looking up into his half-lidded blue eyes through her lashes. He blushed deeply, trying not to look into her eyes, his heart stuttering in his chest. This is what he’d wanted so badly since the day he met her, and yet he was paralyzed. He couldn’t tell if she was just playing with him or if she actually wanted him to make a move, but he was betting on the first one.

“Van, please don’t tease me like this,” he pleaded, his voice coming out croaky and low. He stared down at the ground, his golden hair falling around his furrowed brow. She felt a pang of guilt and decided to change tactics, gently sliding her hands up from where they had previously been resting on his hips, and finding a new spot around his slim waist.

“But I’m not teasing you, honey…”

His heart skipped a beat and he shivered, his skin breaking out into goosebumps under her touch. She called him honey, and it left his head spinning. He wanted to believe her, to touch her back the way she was touching him, but he wasn’t yet totally convinced he wouldn’t be making a fool of himself.

“You… you’re not? 'Cause I don't really wanna act like a fool right now,” he replied, his throat dry, and she shook her head. She, on the other hand, loved when he acted like a fool. They did it together all the time! She considered saying as much but decided against it, thinking that maybe she should save that one for later. Instead, she squeezed his waist and urged him to take a step closer, whispering, “No, baby, I’m not teasing.”

There was only a little sliver of space between them now, her chest bumping up against his, and the tent in his jeans brushing almost imperceptibly against her thighs. His hands hovered awkwardly at her sides, unable to decide if he should ask permission before touching her or just do it. He started to speak, to ask “then what…” but the words died in his throat and all that came out was a soft, “Huh?”

She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her own hip, looking up at him darkly and all but confirming what he so desperately needed to hear– that she wanted him, too. He moved his thumb experimentally up to the hem of her low-rise jeans, brushing the pad of it against her flawless skin, and both of them sucked in a sharp breath, simultaneously experiencing the same shock of electricity. Her reaction filled him with a wave of confidence. He knew he wasn’t just imagining things, that she really wanted him, and that by the looks of things, it was pretty bad. He gently tugged her hips forward, pressing them against his own and grunting softly at the contact. He thought he was ready for it, but he was so hard it was almost painful and he couldn’t stop his hips from bucking into her soft, yielding flesh. She let out a harsh breath through her nose and closed her eyes.

“Jer…”

He craned his neck down and got in her face, breathing heavily and looking at her through his lashes. Those pretty blond lashes framed his big blue eyes so well and she just melted when he looked at her like that.

“You want me, pretty?” she whispered sweetly, gripping his hips a little tighter, possessively. He clenched his jaw and nodded rapidly, whispering back,

“Please, can I have you?” She grinned and nuzzled her face against his neck, pressing kisses to his scruffy jaw and the skin around it. Her lips brushed his ear as she murmured,

“Yeah. Take me to the storage room,” and Jerry sucked in a sharp breath and dug his fingers into her soft hips. When he spoke again, his voice came out rough and strained.

“Y-yeah? You mean it? You want me… right now?” She slid one hand up under the hem of his t-shirt and spread her fingers out over the warm, bare skin there. His body was aching for more, practically vibrating with the need to be closer to her, so he grabbed her smaller hand softly and led her to the dry storage room where he slept. Thankfully, it was only a few steps away, and she quietly closed the door behind them. Jerry leaned his back against it, his chest heaving as his breath came in shallow gasps. Vanessa pressed her body against his, practically draping herself against him, and cupped his face softly.

“Jer, you’re gonna have to be quick,” she muttered. He laughed heartily.

“Oh, trust me, I don’t need much time.” She bit back a goofy grin and slid her hand down to his collarbones, feeling the tingle of heat as it radiated from his skin and invaded her own. He groaned and leaned his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.

“Van, lady, please…” his voice rumbled deeply in his chest, and she felt the vibrations against her bosom. She shivered and sucked in a sharp breath.

“Do you want me to touch you now?” she whispered, cradling his stubbly cheek in her hand and letting the other one fall to rest on his waistband. Jerry nodded frantically, eyes still closed, jaw clenched. She took one last deep breath and blew it out before leaning forward and capturing his lips in a deep, passionate kiss, moving her mouth against his slowly and languidly. His arms instinctually encircled her waist and he held her carefully as he furrowed his brows and kissed back. All the tension, all the months of pent-up frustration and need poured out of him suddenly.

He moaned into her mouth, and she took the opportunity to lick past the seam of his lips and slide her tongue against his, making sure he couldn’t go anywhere by grabbing the back of his neck. She breathed his scent in deeply and pressed every inch of skin she could into his body, and all she could think about was him. In her mind’s eye she saw him, the last expression she had seen him make, his face flushed and brows furrowed. In a frantic attempt to get closer to her, he pressed one palm against the small of her back and another between her shoulder blades. Every flick of her tongue sent a wave of heat through his already overheated body.

When the kiss finally broke, they were both panting, and Jerry had a strange expression on his face, like he was using every ounce of his concentration to make her clothes turn see-through.

“God, Van…” he said, his voice deep and rumbling. She pressed one more short kiss to his lips before dropping to her knees in front of him, and his heart jumped into his throat.“You don’t have to…” he protested weakly, even though his hips were pointing towards her like a magnetic force. She swatted away his words and scoffed, already fussing with his clothes, swiftly unbuckling his belt and undoing the button of his jeans.

“I’ll do a better job later, but this’ll work for now,” she said, grabbing his pants and pulling them all the way down to his ankles in one swift motion. Jerry’s breathing was ragged and desperate, and the promise of there being a ‘later’ to look forward to sent a pang of lust ripping so strongly through him that the room momentarily spun.

“God, Van, I’m so…” he began, his cheeks flushing even deeper as he looked down at her face hovering only inches away from his throbbing need, “…hard,” he finished. He was painfully aware of how badly he wanted her, how sensitive he was, and he was glad this was only meant to be a quickie, because he’d be done for in a matter of minutes. Van kept one hand planted firmly on his hip, and with the other she palmed his bulge through his boxers, unable to look away from it.

“My God, Jer, what is this, like, seven inches? Fuck,” she swore, her mouth already watering. He shivered, already so sensitive that the slightest touch set his nerve endings on fire, threatening to overwhelm him. His length bobbed and strained against the thin fabric, leaving a small wet spot on it.

“Y-yeah,” he managed to gasp out, “About that, I guess.” He was suddenly slightly embarrassed at how much her words obviously affected him, when normally he would have had no shame at all about his body, but there was no way for him to hide his reaction. She pulled down his boxers quickly, his rock-hard cock springing up against his stomach, and her jaw dropped as she finally laid eyes on it, pink and swollen and fat. Jerry’s skin burned under her gaze, the way she was looking at him making him crazy. His hands balled into fists at his sides, but as her eyes widened at the sight of him, that confidence from earlier came back and he couldn’t help but reach out and run a hand through her hair and mumble, “You’re so pretty.”

She grinned and wrapped a hand around him firmly, spitting on the tip, and Jerry couldn’t stop the strangled moan that escaped him, or the way his hips bucked into her fist. He couldn’t believe she was actually smiling, actually volunteering to blow him. It was like she was a wet dream come to life. She pumped him a few times just to get the blood flowing before bringing her lips down and pressing a wet kiss to his tip. As soon as her soft skin made contact with him, he let out a filthy, pornographic moan, his head falling back against the wall. He felt his legs tremble, and he was sure he’d collapse by the end of it if she didn’t stop, but he was also sure he never, ever wanted her to stop.

“Van, ah, that feels so good,” he gasped as she flicked her tongue around his sensitive head, drawing more and more sounds from his lips.

“Good, honey, so good,” she whispered, flattening her tongue against his shaft and dragging it all the way up to spread around the moisture. Once she was satisfied that he was properly coated, she looked up through her eyelashes and swallowed about half of him, keeping her hand curled firmly around what didn’t fit. The way his cheeks flushed and his knees buckled encouraged her to start bobbing her head up and down, her lips still wrapped around him firmly. Jerry had to press his back harder into the wall to keep from falling.

“Ohmygod you’re so pretty,” he repeated, unable to tear his eyes away from her face and the way his cock completely filled her mouth. As a thank you, she started moving her hand in tandem with her head and sucked hard, creating the max amount of friction she possibly could without hurting him. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, his whole body tense with pleasure, and with the effort of forcing himself not to buck into her mouth. Though his hands were buried in her hair, he was gentle, never pulling on it too hard, only holding it to help ground himself. Vanessa began picking up the pace, moving her head faster and continuing to swirl her tongue around the head, occasionally letting it flick across his sensitive slit to make him yelp.

“A-ah!” he cried breathlessly. She hummed around him and tried not to smile, bringing up her free hand to play with his balls. Her finger accidentally grazed his perineum in the process, making him moan out her name, long and deep. She pulled off him for a second and couldn’t help but grin.

“Oh, you like that?” she asked, gently dragging her finger against the area again. His legs wobbled and he groaned, and she squeezed her hand a little tighter around his base, starting to pump him again as her mouth went back to work. She was going fast now, gagging a little as she swallowed as much of him as she could and continued stimulating him with her finger.

“Holy shit, Van!” he moaned, threading his fingers tightly through her hair as his thighs began to shake. “I’m- I’m gonna c-” His sentence was cut off by a loud cry ripping through his throat, and the sound of Van moaning in pleasure around his shaft as he shot his load into her mouth. His entire body shuddered and he had to catch himself before his knees completely gave out. She slowed down a bit but kept going for a few more seconds despite his whines and gentle tugs to her hair, wanting to make sure she milked his cock for everything. She didn’t hesitate to swallow everything he gave her, sticking out her tongue to show him afterwards. Once again, he had to fight to stay upright after seeing that.

“That was…I’ve never…it’s been so long since…” he gasped, looking at her with pure adoration as she got to her feet and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. He could taste himself, musky and slightly bitter, and made a mental note to include some more pineapple in his diet.

“You taste pretty good, huh?” she teased, running her tongue along his bottom lip.

“Ugh, fuck,” he moaned, face going slightly red at that. His heart was beating a million times a minute, his body still buzzing with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He wanted to give her some of the warmth he was feeling, show her what she really did to him. He closed his eyes and buried his nose in her hair, inhaling deeply. “Van, you’re so good at that…” he mumbled stupidly, a mindless grin plastered on his lips. Jerry was drunk a lot of the time, but somehow this was not one of those times, no matter how much it seemed like it. Maybe he was drunk off lust, or desire. Or something else. Who knows what kind of chemicals one could inhale while working at the shitty gas station at the edge of town. Van melted into the hug, relishing the feeling of his thick arms caging her in, keeping her warm and safe. But she knew he was in a time crunch.

“Break’s over, sugar,” she whispered, and he made a noise of discontentment and buried his face into her shoulder.

“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled against her skin, his voice half-muffled. She laughed quietly and stroked his dirty-blond hair, almost petting him. He pressed his face into her neck and breathed in her gentle scent, the scent he had come to associate with tenderness over the past month and a half, and a sense of contentment washed over him.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d do a better job later?” she cooed.

“Yeah, but now I don’t think I can wait,” he muttered. Van gently let go of him, pulling back a little so she could look into his eyes.

“I’ll make it worth it,” she promised, “I’ll come by your place after your shift.” Van knew where Jerry lived, and she wasn’t averse to the fact that it was quite literally in the back of an abandoned school bus that was probably illegally parked behind the old Mathmetist compound. She’d been there to play shitty knock off video games and grill various meats a few times before, and it really wasn’t so bad once you got used to it. Especially once Jerry brought out the beers.

He gently released her, his body already missing the feeling of her against him. His mind had already conjured up at least three different scenarios about how the night would unfold later, and at least two of them involved a blindfold and cherry flavored condoms. He gave her a lopsided grin and nodded.

“You better,” he said, his voice still a little raw from earlier. He couldn’t wait for his shift to be over.