#reality show like will trent last case

[windshield91]

Can someone please explain to me what is The Bachelor about?

[lunar-years]

As for the RoyKeeley reunion part of my KJPR/Keeley arc discussion (here)...I've processed more and landed on the reason I didn't love it, and it's not because I don't believe Roy has done the work or fixed his side of many of the problems that contributed to the end of their relationship. Not because I don't think he's finally at a place to accept joy and happiness into his life. We've seen that growth in him throughout the season, in his relationship with Jamie especially, but also with him processing the end to his time at Chelsea, with Trent, the Rebecca scene last week, Isaac, the final epiphany moment this episode with the teacher...It's all been there, it's been gradual, and I believe in it without hesitation.

I didn't like that they threw RoyKeeley back together** because it doesn't make sense for Keeley. It doesn't help or allow her character to grow at all. I think a lot of the fandom is happy to believe the breakup was all Roy, and his self-confidence issues, and his unwillingness to allow himself to have good things' fault. For me, it's always been more than that. Keeley has a lot of self confidence issues herself that the show constantly sweeps under the rug; and having Roy tell her she's still Keeley fucking Jones is not the magical fix all to it, either. I know this absolutely isn't the show's intention, but it kind of does read to me like they're stamping a relationship with Roy back on her like a bandaid and calling her a healed case, and I hate that.

Let's not forget that just LAST EPISODE, Keeley was sending Jack a wall of desperate blue texts all but begging Jack to take her back! Not even that, just to talk to her! To acknowledge her at all!! She was begging this woman who treated her like crap, from a relationship that was detrimental to her mental health and wellbeing, to please accept her!!

The reality is, we have:

Keeley breaking up with Jamie in season one, regretting it the very next morning because as she herself proclaims, she always second-guesses her relationships ending, and then getting together with Roy not long after.

Roy breaking up with her, and her getting together with Jack not long after, notably right after proclaiming she isn't over Roy and is also reevaluating her prior breakup with her other ex, Jamie

Jack breaking up with her, Keeley trying to still fix it between them, then....getting back together with Roy not long after that

Like, no wonder the RoyKeeley reunion fell flat. Look, I haven't been in the "why won't the writers ever just let Keeley be single!" camp all season, but it's partly because I assumed they were trying to tell us a clear narrative about her. There is an undeniable pattern of behavior they've set up here that points to certain aspects of her character: Keeley struggles with abandonment issues, Keeley struggles with being alone, Keeley struggles with feeling good enough for people and leans on external validation, she has been known to act rashly when it comes to her relationships, etc. If the goal was just to get RoyKeeley back together as quickly as possible, well, they succeeded at the cost of throwing Keeley's character development out the window, because none of these problems have actually been addressed. And if they weren't going to address them, why were they not only introduced but also reiterated across multiple seasons?

**And yes, I say "throwing Roy and Keeley back together" without taking into account what they might do with the last two episodes. Was this a "getting back together" moment in the sense of now RoyKeeley is endgame, back in a committed relationship, their problems won't be addressed again or addressed only minimally, and they will now ride off into the sunset happily ever after? Or was it more like, there's still a ton of love there, Roy made a deeply important breakthrough with his apology, they had their long awaited and much needed post-breakup sex, and now Keeley is going to realize she's slipping back into familiar patterns and roll things back? And to be fair, we don't know yet!

What I want is something like Roy acting like things are now great and Keeley's obviously his girlfriend again, only for Keeley to stop him and be like "Wait, Roy, but this hasn't magically fixed everything." I do want Keeley to be single for a while and deal with her own stuff. I want them to work at it, together, perhaps with the expectation that yes they will probably get back together in future but not right now, not when they still have a ways to go with themselves as individuals. If the show goes in the second direction, it scraps this whole post for me, but with two episodes left of the series, this is coming from the part of me that is very concerned they're heading towards the former.

[crazycoke-addict]

Unpopular Opinion: Lindsay is smarter than Courtney

I know what you're thinking how can the girl who forgot her boyfriend's name than the girl who was running for student council president and is a CIT. If you watched the show again, you can understand where I'm coming from. There are evidence of Lindsay being self-aware and even things that Courtney could've used as an advantage.The most important thing I need to mentioned is that Total Drama is a incanon reality tv show that is watched by millions around the world. When a camper gets eliminated and goes to the resort, it is heavily implied that they do watch the show. Noah mentions Leshawna locking Heather in the freezer while Ezekiel who was first to be eliminated mentions how bossy Heather was even though he never got see that side of her.

Courtney is eliminated before Lindsay, so like everyone else, it is possible she at least watch the episode That's off the chain and notices that Lindsay has intelligence involving mechanical stuff. She watched Lindsay create both her and Heather’s bike in good condition. I have a headcannon that Lindsay's father taught her how to fixed cars and she probably told Heather in which Heather had the information in her head just in case. Lindsay does help Heather with a lot of things prior but something like this, you would think that Heather wouldn't trust Lindsay to make her bike. One of the things that I believe you have to have intelligence is that you pay attention. Heather listen to Lindsay when she said she was good building bikes and mechanics so when the challenge involved around bikes, Heather remembered and used it as an advantage. If Courtney was pay attention, she would have that information store somewhere in her brain. Of course, Courtney and everyone else weren't aware that there was going to be a second season, it's best to keep a certain information because you never know that it would be useful.

During the half of Total Drama Action, Courtney watching from the sidelines due to not be able to compete in the show. Courtney files a lawsuit where she wins and is allowed to compete in the show. I actually wanted to make my own version by fixing Courtney's character. Courtney is placed in the killer Grips which is the team that Lindsay is in. While they were missing some parts, this was the perfect time where Courtney mentions Lindsay building a bikes and suggested that Lindsay build the go kart and tells everyone what they need to do. Will they loose? Probably. But it would show that Courtney has been paying attention. But Courtney doesn't do that because she wasn't pay attention to the last season.

She was mostly focused on her elimination and was complaining that she should be final 5 instead of Gwen because Gwen wasn't a team player even though Gwen caused her team to win 4 times while Courtney made her team loose 2 times. During Total Drama Action, Courtney belittles Lindsay's intelligence. Before Courtney's return and even after, Lindsay does show intelligence and helps her team out. She pretty much becomes the leader for her team after Trent's elimination. During the horror challenge, Lindsay puts her foot down and tells her teammates that Beth is their serial killer since she can't scream and also knew what was real or not. Killer Grips do loose but they could've won the first challenge, if Justin scream but he didn't want to get his pipes strained. Lindsay was helping her team out and yet they called her bossy.

While the killer grips do win after Courtney's return, majority of the times, she is going against Duncan whom is distracted by her. If she goes against someone like Leshawna, the killer grips would loose.When they merge, Courtney and Lindsay wins the first merge challenge. During the first 3 merge challenges, Courtney wins invincibility. In the Get a clue episode, Lindsay ends up getting invincibility this time. During the episode, nobody is listening to Lindsay and Courtney is insulting her. Even though in the first part of the challenge, Chris was locked in a vault, Lindsay ended up being right when Chris is found "Dead". It seems like the second part of the challenge where they have to collect samples from the other contestants was actually to make the person be the murderer and Courtney whose so hell bent on getting invincibility and also calling Lindsay 'dumb' is what made her loose this challenge.

In Total Drama world tour, Courtney is on superior team. Courtney along with Gwen wins for team Amazon in London despite not catching the jack the ripper person. Seirra helps them win the challenges in Egypt, Japan and Germany. Heather helps them win in New York and Germany. Cody helps them win in Japan. The new York episode, Team Amazon win because Heather switch the baby carriage. Courtney believes that they wouldn't loose but Team Chris is really really really really hot was first until they notice the carriage wasn't theirs causing them to go back where they ended up in last challenge luckily it was an reward challenge. Team Victory finally wins a challenge and Lindsay is the reason why. Now let's say that Courtney was on the same team and it plays the same with Lindsay suggesting that they go left and they win. Courtney's opinion on Lindsay isn't going to change because she'll think that she is the dumb blonde.

In the episode Can't stop falling in louvre, Lindsay built The Thinker all by herself and did a really good job. While Courtney and her team were struggling a bit on theirs. Now granted, Team Chris is reallyx4 hot and team Amazon did get the pieces of their respective statues in the pile so if Lindsay was in that situation than she too would struggle a bit. However the fact that team Amazon didn't realise that the legs aren't arms is something. The reason why Team Victory is because of DJ and his ridiculous animal curse. Also I think Lindsay's elimination was calculated. It seems like Chris chooses one person from the other two teams, Heather knows fashion but Owen doesn’t.

You know how I said paying attention is a good form intelligence. Well, despite being on opposite team's in Island. Lindsay appeared to be paying attention to the campers interaction with Courtney. In. While Courtney is complaining about her unfair elimination and believes she should be in the final five. Lindsay tells her that she probably be eliminated in another episode because nobody likes Courtney. This shocks Courtney. While this could just Lindsay having no filter but the fact that Lindsay can tells that many campers aren't big fans of Courtney. Lindsay paying attention to what people think of her is in Total Drama All Stars.

In the first episode, Heroes Vs villains, Lindsay is the first person to be eliminated and acts cartoonishly dumb, but you rewatched this episode, you notice that Lindsay only acts dumb around certain people and one of them is mainly Courtney since they are both on the heroes team. Whenever the teams have to choose a person to do something like how in the first challenge of Total Drama All Stars, they have to choose somebody to push the carriage. Courtney being the impatient person she is chooses Lindsay. This is the dumbest choice Courtney has ever made. In my opinion, I think that either Courtney or Seirra should've been one to push the carriage. Lindsay says that she doesn't know how to push a carriage even though she does. I believe that Lindsay wanted her team to loose so she can get eliminated first. When Seirra runs over to the carriage, Courtney is still in the carriage where she jumps on her and Lindsay knows this. The reason why she never says anything is because Courtney was mean to her. The only person I think would know that Lindsay is trying to make her team loose is Heather.

So that's why I think Lindsay is smarter than Courtney.

[disappearinginq]

Show Recommendations

Ok, peeps - I need new show recommendations, because either everything I like has gone off the air, been cancelled on a cliffhanger, or has just turned to crap. They don’t need to be fantastic or award worthy, I just want to find something where they don’t punish the audience. (Looking at you, Good Doctor). 

Two minor caveats: it cannot be entirely subtitled in English (I listen mostly, either because I’m working from home and only look at the screen occasionally and I regrettably am only fluent in English; or I am looking down at crochet projects when not at work) and I really don’t like raunchy or comedy based on cringe/secondhand embarassment.

These are the ones I currently have to recommend for new shows: 

The Recruit on Netflix - lawyer for the CIA has the worst first week of work ever Will Trent - based on a series of books, but I haven’t read them so I don’t know how far they stray. New show, one episode, Trent is made for angst with horrific backstory of being found literally in the trash as an infant, severe dyslexia, and recently off a case where he put away a bunch of dirty cops, so he has no friends in the Atlanta PD. 

Things that I’ve watched and liked but aren’t new and/or haven’t started airing new episodes yet: 

Miss Scarlet and the Duke  All Creatures Great and Small Endeavour  Granchester NCIS and NCIS Hawai’i Slow Horses Ted Lasso Fire Country (I am on the fence with this one. Solid premise, dodgy execution, I would rather not be rescued by these guys) 9-1-1 Hudson & Rex Outer Banks Murdoch Mysteries Umbrella Academy Dragon Prince Blackbird Bad Sisters X Company Republic of Doyle The Mandalorian  Lucifer (except the last season) So Help Me Todd SurrealEstate Cobra Kai The Sandman The Rookie 12 Monkeys Killjoys Heartland Leverage Clearly, my interests are wide and varied, so please don’t feel like you have to recommend a specific type. I like Found Family tropes, I can take romance if it’s a side plot, I just really want to find something to be enthusiastic about again, and I am not finding it on my own. I like older shows, newer shows, shows with animals, shows that ignore reality....I am dying from lack of creativity in my life. 

[universeofmuses]

//so I wanted to post these every Friday so people had something fun to read over the weekend, but I’m going to post the next one now as a poor attempt to make it up everyone who I had to drop a thread with. I hope you like the next chapter.

(Cyber Café)

Conner and Ethan where sitting at the bar of the busy cyber café talking about the previous school week while Trent was busy taking orders from the customers and Hayley filling the orders and taking the money,

"Man I can't believe that I have a 5 page paper due in econ, man Mrs. Skipworth is cold-blooded." Groaned Conner,

"Well, of course she would mad at you dude, you fell asleep for the third time this week and you were snoring." Replied Ethan,

"Oh come on dude I wasn't EVEN snoring . . . hey wait." Conner admitted sheepishly as Ethan let out a stifled laugh.

"So how far along are you on the paper?" asked Ethan while containing his laughter,

"Well I got through a page and a half last night." Conner replied

"Hey that's not too bad." Replied Ethan,

"Yeah I know, hey where's Kira today?" asked Conner showing peeked interest in his question,

"Uh, I think she said something about helping Dr. O with organizing his old stuff." Ethan replied,

just as Ethan answered Conner's question Kira came up behind the guys and caught them off guard,

"Hey guys" Kira said very enthusiastically,

"Kira!" both teens said in unison,

"Hey I got some bad news, Dr. O is giving us a pop quiz on Monday." Kira finished with a bummed tone in her voice,

"Oh man, that's even more that I have to worry about now." Conner said hysterically,

"Well there goes my weekend of breaking in a new game." Ethan said,

"Kira, what did you do to make Dr. O so mad to give us a pop quiz?" Conner asked,

"Nothing I just made an old joke." Kira said innocently, both boys let out an exasperated groan at Kira's explanation.

"Well if that's the case then we're all dead." Said Conner,

"Yeah, we'd better have a better chance at taking out Mesogog than passing that quiz." Said Ethan,

"Well I hope Mesogog doesn't attack this weekend cuz I'm in way over my head." Said Conner in a hopeful tone,

"I don't know about you guys but I have to get ready for my gig tonight, see you guys tonight." Said Kira as she turned to leave.

(Tommy Oliver's privet study)

After Kira left Dr. O grabbed the box that held the mementos from his time with Kimberly, the look of hurt and regret filled his eyes. The "Legendary" Tommy Oliver was over came with the look of a heartbroken kid who lost his dog to old age. (Watermarked images in the background start) as Tommy looked at a picture of him hugging Kim from behind and her laughing, images of when Tommy asked Kim out for the first time, the time when he caught Kim after she fainted when she found out he was the "Mysterious" white ranger, the time when she was captured by Zedd and had her life-force drained, when she left for Florida to train for the Pan Global Games, and finally when he received "the letter".(end background images) snapping back to reality as he felt a single tear run down his face, leaving his desolate, tear welling eye. Tommy's way of cooping was for him to work out and practice his karate; in a way it helped him to quiet his mind. As he was about to go to the gym he heard a siren go off in his lab and he knew instantly what was happening, he had to collect his thoughts and focus his attention to the current battle at hand and contact his teammates. He held his communicator to his mouth,

"Conner guys come in." Dr. O said,

"We read you Dr. O, go ahead." Replied Conner,

"Looks like Mesogog sent down one of his little experiments, we need to take care of it." Dr. O said

"Ok, we're on it; see you there." Said Conner,

And with that Dr. O got into his morphing stance.

"Dino-Thunder Power Up, Ha."

(Outside the Cyber Café)

"Ok, we're on it; see you there." Said Conner,

With that the four teens got into their stance,

"Ready?" asked Conner,

"Ready" replied the three other teens,

"Dino-Thunder Power Up, Ha." All four called out.

(The Frank's Gym, Reefside)

A petite brunette haired woman walked in the gym wearing a pink tank top and a black leotard, she headed toward the balance bar to work out a routine for nothing but the benefit of keeping her Olympic gold medalist figure in shape. As she worked out her complex routine in the gym she unknowingly gathered the attention of everyone in the building, when she jumped of the beam for the end of her routine she was startled by the sudden applause she had received. Playing into the applause the took a graceful bow as the applause subsided, now heading over to the juice bar to get quick drink; the man behind the counter had the TV on when a special breaking news bulletin came across the screen warning the residents of Reefside that they were under another monster attack, for some reason the woman couldn't shake the feeling of déjà vu from her old high school days. Then out of nowhere five rangers appeared to defend the city, as she watched the live report go on she couldn't help but notice that the black ranger's fighting style was strangely familiar to her but he couldn't place her finger on it. She thought and pondered about it for a while until the black ranger did a triple roundhouse kick, then it hit her like a semi-truck, she knew who the black ranger was.

"No, it can't be. Could it?" she asked out loud,

"Is there a problem lady?" asked the bartender,

"What, oh no, just though I saw someone" she said as she trailed off,

'wow small world, if he cant give this up then I've still got a chance its not too late for me' she thought.

"Do you have a phone book back there?" she asked the bartender,

"Yeah sure." He replied as he handed her the book,

'I've got to find him.' She thought as she went flipping though the book.

(Downtown Reefside)

All five rangers where sent flying to the ground hard as a failed attack with their saber-max swords backfired on them,

"Uh, Dr. O any other ideas?" asked Ethan,

"Yeah we're getting our butts handed to us." Remarked Conner,

"I know guys he's stronger than he looks." Replied Dr. O,

"Giving up so soon rangers? Anymore of this and you'll become extinct." Said the terror-dragon rex, a monster who had the body of a dragon with spikes all over its back, and two monstrous swirled horns on both sides of its head; its body is all black with streaks of green running trough it, and its weapon of choice is a sword that is similar to Dr. O' brachio-sword but it has a wider frame to it and its hilt is in the form of a horned-dragon's tail.

"He's right, Conner I think its time to go Triassic." Kira said looking from the monster to Conner,

"Shield of Triumph!" Conner called out as the Shield of Triumph materialized into existence, then Kira and Ethan made their power contributions to the shield; which allowed Conner to tap into a new level of power,

"Ok creepy this ends now, Shield of Triumph!" Conner called out as he and the terror-dragon rex disappeared into another dimension where the final moments of this battle would take place.

(Shield of Triumph Dimension)

The Shield of Triumph Dimension is a perilous world with a warped, twisted, distorted reality where anything can and will happen; the monster came spinning down onto a lonely floating square area and landed hard on the surface while Conner now in Triassic Ranger mode gracefully landed on the plane with a flare about him.

"oww, my aching gizzards, where are we?" the monster asked as he slowly rose up where he was standing,

"This ends now, Shield of Triumph!" Conner called out as a large sword blade came up from the middle of the shield as Conner dashed at the monster with light speed.

(Back in reality)

Suddenly Conner appeared behind the monster kneeling with his right are extended back like he had just finished a devastating sword attack while the monster behind him slowly fell away from him on its face and as soon as the monster landed it exploded into a large fireball.

(The Mysterious Island Lair)

"I see that the first step in the plan was a total success." Mesogog hissed at his henchmen,

"Yes my lord they took the bait hook, line, and sinker. Its only a matter of time now." Answered Elsa, much to Zeltrax's jealousy because he was in the background while Elsa got the attention of their master.

"I guess you two aren't completely incompetent after all." Mesogog hissed in approval of the recent success of the plan.

"When can we begin phase II of the plan?" asked Mesogog,

"Patients my lord we still have yet to find the proper power source for the device yet, but I have a good idea where I can find it; but first I have to pay a certain someone a visit to do recon." Said Elsa,

"Make it fast Elsa, before I lose my interest in this plan." Hissed Mesogog,

"Don't worry my lord the rangers will be gone in no time." Elsa replied with an insidious grin on her face,

"So tell me about this power source and who has it." Mesogog inquired,

"well, he's been in this game for a while now, and he's been the strongest leader that any team of rangers has ever had." Said Elsa.

(The Cyber Café)

The Cyber Café was full for Kira's performance, and as always Conner, Ethan, Trent, and Dr. O sat in the front most table waiting to hear their friend and fellow teammate play her set. Just as the group of rangers sat down, the woman from the gym appeared not sure what was going on as she made her way to the bar to get a smoothie,

"Welcome to the Cyber Café what can I get you?" asked Hayley,

"um, let he have a straw-berry smoothie please." The woman replied, "you sure are busy tonight aren't you?" asked the woman

"yeah its because we an up and coming musical performer who performs here every few weeks." Hayley explained as she handed her the smoothie,

"if you excuse me I have to announce her before the crowd starts getting restless." Said Haley as she made her way to the stage.

"As always the Cyber Café is proud to present Kira Ford and her band." Hayley announced

"Thank you Hayley, wow a lot more people this week; anyway as Hayley said I'm Kira Ford and this is my band, I hope you guys are ready for a good show." Kira said as she started a riff on her guitar,

(Twenty-five minuets later)

As she finished the last number with a big musical power cord,

"Thank you guys, you were a great crowd and remember to thank Haley also because without her I wouldn't have a place to play my music. Good Night." Kira said,

As she walked off the stage the crowd was going crazy

"ENCORE, ENCORE, ENCORE, ENCORE!" the electrified crowd chanted,

She couldn't resist the reaction to the crowd and walked up on stage and took the microphone.

"Ok guys, one more song." She said, and the whole room erupted into cheers,

"This last song is an old song, but a good song that I think is a good representation of me and my friends" Kira announced while looking at her friends; who at the mention of this the three teens looked at each other wondering what she was talking about while Dr. O had a content look on his face because he helped Kira pick out the song that she was talking about.

FLASHBACK

Kira and Dr. O where in the middle of cleaning up the basement/ command center,

"Hey Dr. O?" asked Kira,

"Yeah Kira, whats up?" Dr. O responded,

"I need some help picking out a song for my set tonight, I think I might be short a song; can you help me?" asked Kira,

"Sure . . . I know why don't you sing Riders On The Storm?" Dr. O suggested,

"Riders on the what?" asked Kira confused,

"Riders On The Storm, it's a song that Creed did back in the day; I think its perfect for you" Dr. O said,

"Ok, do you have the song so I can listen to it?" Kira inquired,

"Yeah sure." Dr. O said as he made his way over to the main computer and fired up iTunes and searched for the song, when he found it he played the song for Kira to hear.

END FLASHBACK

After a few moments of Kira and the band playing intro riff of the song Kira started to sing,

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm.

Into this house we're born

Into this world we're thrown

Like a dog without a bone

An actor out on loan.

Riders on the storm.

There's a killer on the road.

His brain is squirming like a toad.

Take a long holiday

Let your children play.

If you give this man a ride

Sweet family will die.

Killer on the road.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Girl, you gotta love your man.

Girl, you gotta love your man.

Take him by the hand

Make him understand

The world on you depends.

Our life will never end.

You gotta love your man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm

Into this house we're born

Into this world we're thrown

Like a dog without a bone

An actor out on loan.

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm.

Riders on the storm.

Yeah!

Riders on the storm.

We're riders on the storm.

Storm, storm

We're riding on the storm

Yeah!

Riders on

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Riders on the storm

As Kira and band finished the song the crowd was ecstatic over the performance,

"Ok guys that my set and the end of the show, you guys where great; see you next time." Kira said

After she set the microphone down she made her way over to her friends to chat with them,

"Hey guys, what did you think about the performance?" asked Kira,

"It was great, cant you hear the crowd still going crazy about it?" Conner said,

"Yeah Kira, you smashed the performance tonight." Ethan said while Trent nodded,

"Thanks again for helping pick the song Dr. O, for an old fossil you know your stuff." Kira said with a smile on her face, while the others gave her the death glare

"Sure Kira anytime, and as for the fossil joke do you want to make it two pop quizzes this week?" asked Dr. O with a grin on his face,

"No, sorry, please don't do that to us." Kira begged,

"Well . . . just this one time I'll forgive you, but first quiz still stands." Dr. O said with an even larger grin on his face.

"Aw man." All four teens groaned at Dr. O's response.

A few hours later Hayley announced that I was closing time and that everyone had to go,

"well you guys better get going, wouldn't want your parents to be worried about you." Dr O said as he walked with is students out the door,

"You heading home too Dr. O?" asked Ethan,

"Yeah might as well I do have a quiz to right up." Said Dr. O with a chuckle in his voice,

"ok, ok, ok, no more old jokes." Said Kira,

"alright, night guys." Dr. O bid his students,

"night Dr. O" the four teens said as all five rangers parted ways for home.

(in a split-screen all five rangers simultaneously crawl into bed and begin having dreams of things that go bump in the night.)

KIRA'S DREAM:

Random images of a dark circular room with a globe at one end and a large blue tube at the other end, images of Dr O wearing a green suit, a white suit, a red suit, and then a black suit but she couldn't tell if it was a ranger suit or not. On top of those images were ones of a mystery city under attack, and images of a staff with a large 'Z' at the end; images of a rip in the sky growing by the second as thing start to disappear, and finally the last image that jarred from her all but peaceful sleep was an image of Conner unconscious on the ground at the mercy of a winged monkey in gold armor. At this final image she bolted upright in bed with large cold beads of sweat all over her body

"ok, wow, I've got to stop with the hot cheetos before bed." Kira said as she lay back down.

CONNER'S DREAM:

Conner's dream for some reason was just a bunch of random thoughts; thoughts of abandonment, thoughts of having to morph but being able to, thoughts of confusion of who where the villains he was up against, and finally as if someone had turned on the TV Conner had an image of Kira lying lifeless on a table in front of a large blue tube. As this image and thought crossed his mind he rolled over in sleep and rolled out of bed and fell hard on the cold wooden floor.

"oof, ok no more hot cheetos before bed." Conner said holding his sides, after he picked himself back up he got back in be and was fast asleep again in a matter of moments.

ETHAN'S DREAM:

Ethan's dream was like something out of a highlight reel of the power ranger teams throughout time, but the highlights were from the first power ranger team. Every fist to fist fight, every zord fight, and every defeat that the first team suffered; but it was weird because the last fight which ended in a loss Ethan felt like he was there and what was even stranger is that Conner, Kira, and Trent were there, but yet Dr. O was no where to be found. Ethan woke up calmly and made his way to the bathroom as he came back and layback down, and thought 'man Dr. O has us taking this ranger this way too seriously.'

TRENT'S DREAM:

Trent had visions of being in a castle on the moon ruled by a man with a silver staff with a large 'Z' on it and a woman who was a sorceress with help from their henchmen which included a winged monkey in gold armor and a walking skeleton warrior and for some reason what looked like a green power ranger? How could that be possible but then again he was evil so in a way it made sense, but then suddenly the whole area went blank as if time and space were suddenly destroyed in an instant. As Trent's mind wondered through obliterated reality he remained asleep.

DR. O'S DREAM:

Tommy was in fight with Goldar as he came to his friend's rescue, when he had dished enough damage to Goldar to make him retreat back to the moon palace the other rangers came to his side,

"Hey bro, thanks for your help but, what's up with the new outfit?" asked the Red Ranger, Jason Scott asked,

"Jace, what are you talking about I'm the green . . ." Tommy trailed off as he noticed he wasn't wearing the green ranger suit but rather a mesh of the green, white, red, and finally black ranger outfits then he noticed there were two red rangers, two blue rangers, two yellow rangers, and one white ranger,

"Conner? Kira? Ethan? Trent?" Tommy asked hoping he was imagining it,

"Yeah, Dr. O." the four teens said in unison, then he heard it clear as day; a deep all knowing voice,

"TOMMY, THE FABERIC OF TIME AND SPACE IS IN DANGER, ONLY YOU AND ONE OTHER CAN SAVE THE UNIVERSE FROM A HORRIBLE FATE. GOOD LUCK AND MAY THE POWER PROTECT YOU." The voice said

And at this Dr. O bolted up in bed in disbelieve as if he had seen a ghost.

"Did I really just hear that? No. is it even possible?" at this Dr. O went down into his basement/command center to see if there are any abnormalities in the morphing grid or anywhere else.

[novella-writers]

Let’s try this again….I’m desperately searching for a 90s animated MTV show “Daria” plot with the Daria x Trent ship front and center. I have so much brainrot, particularly for a scenario in which Trent confesses his feelings and asks Daria to run away with him. There'd be lots of drama, angst, feelings, suspense and adventure. I’m interested in writing Trent, looking to find my perfect partner to portray Daria! Extra bonus points if you’re okay with dark and dead dove topics, just in case they come up! (i.e mental health stuff) 🕊️

About me: female, 30+, European timezone, 12 years of roleplay experience, 8 years of Daria x Trent brainrot (with the last 2 years being especially intense). Long form writer with a flair for drama.

What I’m looking for:

only female partners aged at least 21, who love the 90s MTV show ''Daria'', and the Daria x Trent ship.

someone as enthusiastic as I am

long-term story (hiatuses are fine. Lack of interest right at the beginning and / or randomly deleting me after a few months is not)

someone comfortable with long-form fiction (extensive plotting, replies meeting or surpassing discord text limit)

someone who writes in third person perspective (''he'' or ''she'', not ''you or I''. Fiction and reality are kept separate.)

someone who is okay with delving into dark topics if they come up (incl. mental health)

someone who is okay with writing out intimate scenes / smut (our limits and boundaries will be discussed privately and respected)

someone who understands that I am their roleplay partner, not therapist or mind reader (please state your boundaries and expectations clearly instead of expecting me to guess them and magically not upset you. If there's an issue, let's work on it together)

someone laid back and friendly

someone who only reaches out to me if they're actually interested in writing together.

Like/message if interested!

[thekentuckyhimbo]

i can't rb that commentary you did about the best friends dynamic but just t say i 100% agree.

i think people see orange overshadowing best friends but that isnt the case at all? he has always been billed as their "manager", he didnt wrestle for months! chuck is more the leader especially in bte skits and the way he interacts in the ring.

orange is a singles wrestler first and foremost, and chuck is a tag team wrestler. unfortunately chuck's partner is injured, so of course his previous tag partner and "manager" is going to step in while we wait for trent to get back, but he does also have his singles run too!

it isnt orange cassidy taking best friends time at all, they are a faction! he is the singles guy in it, chuck and yuta are the tags at the moment! plus the current feud we can all agree is mediocre at best, i am not surprised they shifted the focus to oc vs matt hardy as that is the only chance they have for people to be interested.

BUT! commentary are constantly putting chuck over these days, calling him athletic and strong. also: he looks happy. he looks stoked to be wrestling. AND it was his idea for the spacesuits, if he was unhappy to support i doubt he would buy all 4 of them matching suits!!!!

he even says so on his stream, he is happy to support oc and kris as it gives him opportunity to be on the PPV for example where he may not have had any chance to.. and these people are his FRIENDS?! he used to fight to get OC booked on indie shows, and now his best friend is so over. he will be proud and happy for the guy, seen constantly by him advertising his merch during the show, wearing it on streams, tweeting matches they are in, his IG posts. i could go on.

at the end of the day, i think some people really just need to admit they do not like OC instead of trying to blame him for the current booking because trent had neck fusion surgery.

anyway sorry for rambling in your inbox! just tl:dr, i 100% agree with your post :)

100% agree with everything you said. I think the thing about Chuck is that Dustin is an actual leader/ring general type to begin with, he naturally falls into that role and you can see it reflected in the ring. He doesn't get enough credit IMO because he's been in so many big 8, 10 man tag matches in his career and he's so good at keeping track of all the moving pieces on the board and knowing exactly where they are and where they need to be. He truly is a tag wrestler in that regard.

And I do see the other side to an extent, because OC gets to wrestle on Dynamite sometimes and has had a bunch of singles feuds with high profile wrestlers, so I can see where people get the idea that his success comes at the expense of the team. But ultimately one member's success is not bad for the rest of the faction, it's good for them. And Chuck has done a great job of staying relevant without his partner, it's not like he's been going out like Anthony Bowens and wrestling to dead silence lol. I don't think it's that people don't like OC, I just think people have this really weird way of looking at booking where they buy into the kayfabe that everyone is at each other's throats and will stab each other in the back for fame and fortune. When in reality the whole point of the Best Friends gimmick is that they hang out and help each other because they like each other.

But on the topic of the current HFO vs Best Friends feud, I agree it's very meh. It's interesting because TH2 and Best Friends go way back and have wrestled in PWG and stuff plenty of times, so you'd think there would be good chemistry there. But the whole thing feels like it's floundering a lot and making it OC vs Matt definitely seems like a last ditch effort to save it. I think I would have liked to say either BF vs TH2 or BF vs Private Party or BF vs Butcher and Blade. All three makes it a bit confused, especially because on Dark they have a limited amount of time to work with. But I think maybe as Best Friends have got their mojo back some of the HFO have lost it. Like first it was Chuck pulling up his pants every 2 seconds in a match to the point where it was noticeable and broke immersion, and now Jack Evans keeps his shirt on during matches. Like, boys, you're both lookin great, where's that confidence

I think BF as a faction need some really shitty heels to go after them, because the core of their gimmick is that true friendship triumphs over all. But it's hard to get any storyline going without Trent.

Maybe the way Varsity Blondes, Silver, etc. came out to help Jurassic Express and Best Friends could be turned into an angle where Matt Hardy keeps recruiting all the heel tag teams to try and take down Orange Cassidy and his Best Friends, so Chuck just keeps calling on more and more of his old friends from the indies to fight back until you realise that literally everyone is his best friend and they will all do whatever it takes to protect Chuck's son Orange.

Also give me Statlander and Soho vs Bunny and Ford because Soho used to be in Chikara so you know she's friends with Chuck too

[forwantofamohawk]

Breaking up Duncney and Gwent wasn’t and isn’t a bad thing. Turning Courtney and Trent into unlikable, derailed, bastardized shells of their former selves to make the breakup happen is a bad thing. The difference is subtle, but important, and I think it’s worth remembering.

I won’t deny that Gwen and Trent, or Duncan and Courtney in Island are cute, and that for many of us it was one of our first TV romances we latched onto. The chemistry between the characters was simple, but genuine and heartfelt, coming mostly from the dialog and atmosphere established in the show. I can see why a lot of people like these pairings and were upset when they broke up. 

But the truth is that these pairings weren’t destined to last forever, and that’s okay. They’re summer romances at their core, puppy love where the chemistry comes from surface level affection, not deeper understanding of each other as human beings and the emotional complexity that belies that. While I’m not saying these relationships could never work out in the end, it’s just incredibly unlikely. How many first time teen romances ever make it that far? How many actually last more than a few weeks or months? People at that young age get into relationships without knowing what they really want or what makes them happy, and the reality of being in a relationship is often different than their preconceived expectations.

Breakups happen. Sometimes they’re messy, sometimes two people just agree the other isn’t what they want and it’s fairly amicable. And everything on the spectrum in between. But they happen and it shouldn’t be treated as inherently a bad thing to happen in the writing. When two new seasons of Total Drama were announced I saw a lot of posts on many different media platforms about how Duncney and Gwent should get back together in the new seasons. As if them breaking up at all was a sin that needed to be atoned for. Disregarding that the new seasons are slated to have entirely new casts, and any pairings from the original three generations being seen at all is likely wishful thinking, I think this sort of attitude is fundamentally flawed, rooted in nostalgia and not any sense of what is good writing and character progression.

Now I know I have to address the issue of the breakups as they actually happened. As I said they were very poorly handled, with one half of the relationship ostracized or villainized to make it happen. But that isn’t necessary. Breakups don’t have to happen because the other person is an awful human being. Sometimes, like I said earlier, two people in a relationship decide this is not what they want, that it isn’t emotionally fulfilling to them or that it isn’t worth the sacrifices they have to make to stay in it. I’m not saying that the characters even have to realize this, that takes a sort of emotional maturity that’s exceedingly rare for teenagers, and even for adults in many cases. 

But it’s the writer’s responsibility to frame the breakup in such a way that we the audience can understand the imbalances, the incompatibility of desires, the emotional breaks that cause it to stop functioning. This is where Fresh TV and the Total Drama writers truly fall short. Even if the characters don’t realize why things aren’t working between them, the writers should. And in Total Drama’s case, the writers clearly didn’t. Every breakup or love triangle in Total Drama that I can think of off the top of my head doesn’t come from misunderstandings, or disagreements, or simple lack of chemistry. It comes from one character suddenly acting like a jerk and the other character deciding the other person is awful and they need to break up with them. It would be fine if the person was toxic before the relationship and it only became clear to their partner how deep their toxicity runs after they get together, but to have it come out of completely nowhere just to facilitate a breakup is arbitrary and poor character writing.  Almost everyone in the Love Triangle ends as a worse character because of it from a writing and moral standpoint. Rather than drama coming naturally out of conflicts of interest or clashes of personality, personality itself is bent and broken to the whims of drama. But bringing back Duncney or Gwent wouldn’t fix that, it wouldn’t right any wrongs, and in a way I think it would be insulting to the characters after all the heartbreak they went through just to end up back in the same old relationships they started this mess in. Their survival belongs in AUs and fanfics where the relationships were able to work out their differences, survive the trials and tribulations of a new romance and forge a long lasting, meaningful bond that can stand the rest of time. Not in new seasons, solely brought in to pander to fan cries for the return of a lost, idyllic season 1 nostalgic paradise. 

As a closing note, I also think that most of the original pairs from island breaking up lends a sort of value to the ones that survived. Lyler and Gidgette, no matter what you think of them, persisted, almost implausibly so, against the odds. That they passed tests other couples could not, I see as the ultimate validation of the love and chemistry there. A relationship is defined in hardship, whether it can withstand the bending and twisting of fights, of stress, of those moments of weakness and doubt that may cause one or both parties to go astray. Yes, Bridgette cheated, and people on here give her a lot of shit for it, but she was a young, hormonal teenager in her first committed relationship and she lapsed. That’s not evil, that’s not problematic, that’s her being a fallible human being like the rest of us. She realized what she did was wrong, realized that her impulses led her astray, and apologized for it profusely. And for it, I think the relationship came out stronger than ever. It’s honestly shocking that something like this came out of Fresh TV at all. 

Anyways this post has gone on far longer than it ever intended to but there is a lot to unpack in both how Total Drama handles it’s relationships, and how the fandom reacts to it. Maybe by shining a light on it we can understand it better, and do justice to these characters and their relationships going forward.

[iatethepomegranate]

Just a post-Aeor fic where Caleb buys a house with Beau and Yasha in Rexxentrum, becomes a professor, and learns how to be a person and protect people from what he has endured.

Content warnings: Caleb's backstory (a lot of it)

Chapter summary: Caleb's mind was in overdrive. There were so many calls to make, so many spells to prepare, so many things that could go wrong at every stage of this delicate operation, so many plans and backup plans and backup plans for backup plans. He could not let the past repeat itself.

Chapter notes: Say hello to a major plot arc. Also, I did my best to figure out a vague layout of the relevant parts of Rexxentrum but I am bad with directions, so *finger guns*

Chapter title from Eight by Sleeping At Last.

****

Chapter 6: I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough to hold the door shut and bury my innocence

Caleb’s scars itched as he headed home from the Academy, mind buzzing uncomfortably. His hands were somehow steady as he messaged Beauregard.

“Beauregard. I had an unsettling conversation with Astrid and Wulf. Two Volstrucker students are missing. Felix and Nicolaus. Evocation wizards. May have self-orphan orders.” He realised belatedly that he had forgotten to ask Astrid for a description. Also, he hoped Beauregard never told anyone he had used the term self-orphan. He’d made himself a little queasy in his haste to keep to the word limit.

“I’ll make sure the Soul keeps an eye out. And I’ll get a description from Astrid in the morning. Get over here. Dinner’s ready.”

Beau and Yasha kept the conversation flowing over dinner, absolving Caleb of that social responsibility. He felt useless, sitting here while there were two boys out there somewhere, who were possibly in the process of deciding whether or not to kill their parents based on an implanted memory of treason. If they weren’t found in time, Caleb wasn’t sure he could ever forgive himself.

The two women hugged him goodnight after dinner, and he shook so hard he feared he would collapse. Yasha held onto him a little longer than she had probably planned, while Beauregard stepped back to take a look at him.

“Caleb.” She had that tone, the one what told him he looked like shit but she was trying not to freak him out. “Maybe you should take a spare room on this side tonight.”

“I’m all right, Beauregard.” He knew he sounded ridiculous. “Hear me out. Please.” Beauregard tilted her head in a silent challenge. “I need to think. I need to process this. I need to come up with plans for every possible outcome. And I may need to make some calls.”

“Do you want to talk it out?”

“I would like to be alone. Just for tonight. We will talk tomorrow.”

Beauregard looked for a moment like she was going to argue, and then she quite intentionally relaxed her shoulders. “Okay. You’ll tell us if you need anything, right?”

“Ja, of course.”

Yasha gave him one last squeeze. “We mean it. Anything.”

“I know. Danke.”

Caleb escaped to his bedroom. He forced himself to slow down a bit, take deep breaths, and get dressed for bed. He settled under the covers, slowly circling his palm over the quilt and feeling the different animal patterns. He’d already committed them to memory. But, on a night like this, it helped to know that what he thought was reality before was still reality now.

What a fucking mess. Before he could get too deep into his head, he messaged Caduceus.

“Hallo, Caduceus. Two of Trent’s students are missing. We suspect memories may have been modified. If we locate them, are you available to help us?”

There was a short pause; Caduceus was probably weighing his response, aware that he would not be able to track the wordcount once he began to speak. “Of course. Let me know when I’m needed. If you could spare a teleport, that would be great.”

Caleb cast the spell again. “I will give you a head’s up when I need you and then grab you from the Grove. Danke. Today has been… a lot.”

“Get some rest, Caleb. I left some sleepy tea in your kitchen if you need it. I’ll be here when you need me.”

That was one problem handled. Caleb burned through another Sending.

“Astrid, Caduceus is on call to correct any memory modification. Beauregard will be in touch with you tomorrow to get their descriptions.”

“Danke. I will ensure the Cobalt Soul is adequately informed. Now go to bed.”

Caleb let him feel her unspoken concern for him, just for a moment. Maybe one day they could be friends again. He curled up beneath the covers and closed his eyes. He would have to ensure he packed Counterspell and Sending every day. Perhaps Hold Person would also be useful. Control Flames would also not go amiss, just in case. And Expeditious Retreat or Fly would be useful in case time was of the essence at any point. Suggestion could be useful if they had the chance to talk. Running through spells he should prepare made him feel a bit better about how little control he had over this.

He was still losing his mind a little bit.

“Caleb,” came Essek’s voice, pumping air into Caleb's lungs. “Apologies. I meant to message earlier. I’m safe. Saved a child’s pet cat from a tree. He hugged me. Strange. How was your day?”

“Intense.” Caleb wasn’t sure how much to say, and he would definitely have to burn more spells to go into any detail. “Astrid promised to find a venue for the ex-Volstrucker support group. Two boys are unaccounted for. We are concerned. They are… almost graduates.”

Before Caleb could decide whether to say more, Essek Sent again. “Are you all right? Can I help with anything?”

“Not right now. We will… see how this pans out. They’re from Blumenthal, and I didn’t hear anything when I was there. May have time.” Caleb burnt another of his own spells before Essek did. “I have Caduceus on standby and Beauregard will talk to the Soul tomorrow. We may have a chance. I hope.”

“I will come in a heartbeat if you need me. Keep me updated. Get some rest if you can. Goodnight. You are in my thoughts.”

It helped, just a bit. Caleb still tossed and turned for a while, unable to turn his brain off. But things were… maybe they were manageable. He had half a mind to take himself to Blumenthal tomorrow, find out where the boys’ parents lived and get them somewhere safe. Or maybe he could… no, they would not handle a stranger showing up at their door in the dead of the night very well.

****

Astrid came to the house the following morning, with sketches for Beauregard to distribute to the Cobalt Soul. It was odd to sit on the couch with her. Like friends would.

“Eadwulf is in the city with the Volstrucker we could mobilise,” she said. “If either of them come to Rexxentrum, between us and the monks, we will find them. I spoke to my guard contact; the families are okay.”

“Have we considered evacuating them?” asked Caleb. The thought had kept him up for a long time last night. Maybe it was the best option.

There was a flicker of discomfort across Astrid’s face for the barest of seconds. “I don’t trust the Crownsguard to handle a delicate mission like that. It would be up to us. Or perhaps the Soul, but I’m already stretching our relationship with them.”

“Yudala Fon knows the stakes,” said Caleb. “If you are not comfortable visiting Blumenthal yourself…”

“Are you?”

“I have been once. I can bear it again to save half a dozen lives.”

They both knew it wasn’t just the parents whose lives were in danger. If Felix and Nicolaus followed through on this and were not stopped…

Well, Caleb had lost eleven years, and then another six running and running and running. Astrid and Wulf had lost their freedom as well. And Caleb could not even begin to comprehend the special kind of pain it would bring these boys if they murdered their parents only to discover Trent had been in prison for weeks, his crimes exposed, his orders no longer in effect. Caleb wasn’t sure he could have survived that.

Astrid must have understood what Caleb was feeling, because she spoke gently. “It is an option. We could also leave them in place under guard to draw the boys out.”

“I would rather not.” Caleb could already conjure a dozen scenarios in which that could go horribly wrong. “Astrid, we cannot fuck this up. You and I both know these boys could overpower a Crownsguard, or sneak past a security detail. No risks. We have to move the families.”

Astrid opened her mouth to respond, and then paused, eyes drifting upwards in concentration. “Thanks, Wulf. Do not engage. Herd him towards us if you can. We will be there shortly.” She focused back on Caleb. “Felix is in the city. Eadwulf is trailing him. They are approaching from the south.” She hopped to her feet, and helped Caleb up. “Shall we?”

As they raced out the door, Caleb messaged Beauregard. “Felix has been spotted. Approaching The Tangles from the south. Wulf is trailing. We are headed to intercept. Could use a hand.”

“I’m in the Court of Colours, southwest of your position. I’ll link up with Eadwulf. Will get the monks to surround. We got this.”

“Beauregard is southwest of us,” Caleb told Astrid. “She’ll try to find Wulf and have the monks form a perimeter.”

“We only have one shot with Felix,” Astrid muttered. “This could make or break everything. No fuckups?”

“No fuckups.”

They ran.

As they drew closer to the suspected middle point, Caleb shot a quick message to Wulf. “We are close to the midpoint. Turning invisible now.” He grabbed Astrid’s hand, hiding them both from view.

Wulf’s response was a whisper. “Slowing down. I think he knows I’m here, but hasn’t done anything yet.”

Caleb was grateful most seventeen-year-old wizards had not yet figured out teleportation. He and Astrid also slowed, still hand-in-hand.

“We try to talk to him before we do anything aggressive,” Astrid whispered. “Get us close.”

“Worst case scenario, Beauregard stuns him and Wulf carries him somewhere we can have a secure conversation. I can try casting Suggestion if necessary, before we do anything to freak him out.”

They turned a corner and Caleb spotted the boy in a crowd of people carrying baskets and cloths and the like, probably headed to market. Felix was slim and blonde, and looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days. His shoulders were tight. The pair stayed ahead of him. Caleb spotted the instant Felix started getting a little too nervous, his eyes darting backwards for the barest of moments, towards Eadwulf, buried even as he was in the crowd.

Caleb tugged Astrid’s hand towards an alley before letting go and stepping into it, hoping he had read this right. Felix also turned into the alley, putting his back to the wall of a nearby inn, raising a hand to prepare a spell. Caleb recognised the somatic components of Scorching Ray. He prepared to counter it.

As soon as Wulf emerged, Felix tried to release the spell, and Caleb counterspelled, losing his invisibility.

Felix shook out his hands, still focused on Wulf. “Why are you following me, Eadwulf?”

Wulf raised an eyebrow. “Did you consider asking that before trying to set me on fire?”

Felix’s eyes narrowed, and Caleb wondered if Trent had tried to drive a wedge between the Volstruck, and Astrid and Wulf.

Astrid dropped her invisibility, appearing next to Wulf. “Felix, what’s the matter? Are you well?”

Her emergence did not calm Felix in the slightest. “Am I--” He scoffed. “Are you kidding?”

“We have been looking for you for weeks,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I have a mission to complete.”

Caleb considered recasting his invisibility, but the spell required verbal and somatic components. He just had to hold still and hope Astrid and Wulf commanded Felix’s attention until Caleb figured out what to do.

“Felix, you have been gone from the city for a long time,” said Astrid, and Caleb slowly reached for his component pouch. “Things have changed. Your mission, whatever it is, may no longer be viable.”

“We need to take you back to the Candles,” said Wulf.

Caleb felt his snake’s tongue and a piece of honeycomb, and began to slowly extract them from his pouch.

Felix didn’t move. “Why?”

Astrid glanced at Wulf, before evidently deciding on a course of action. “Trent has been arrested. We are trying to gather the Volstrucker so we can explain the charges against him.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Felix, what did he ask you to do?”

“It’s confidential.”

Caleb had the materials in his hand, so he rubbed the honeycomb against his lip, and spoke. “Felix, we are here to help you, but we need you to help us. Could we please have an honest conversation with each other?”

There was a moment where Caleb feared Felix would resist the Suggestion spell, and that Beauregard would have to swoop in and stun him. Felix turned to him, head cocked.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “You are Bren, right? Trent talks about you a lot.” He glanced at Astrid and Wulf. “He seemed worried the three of you were scheming behind his back.”

“Let’s head to his old office, ja? We have a lot to talk about. We will answer your questions, if you answer ours.”

“All right. Lead on.”

Caleb could not fucking believe that had worked. Judging from Astrid and Eadwulf’s brief but clearly shocked glances in his direction, they couldn’t believe it either.

****

Caleb couldn’t risk sending a message to Beauregard explaining what had happened, but she seemed to get the sense she shouldn’t reveal herself. Caleb led Felix through the city to the Academy, and up to Astrid’s office. They sat him in front of the fireplace.

Caleb crouched in front of him while Astrid stood by the fire, and Wulf leaned by the door. “Thank you for cooperating, Felix. Give me one moment. I need to message a friend who is going to help us.” He cast Sending. “Caduceus. We will need you in a moment.”

“I’m ready when you are.”

“I’ll go,” said Eadwulf. “Be right back.” With a muttered incantation, he had vanished.

“Where is he going?” asked Felix.

“To fetch a cleric friend of mine,” Caleb replied. “You look tired. Are you well?”

“Had a lot on my mind, I guess. Sleeping has been difficult.”

“I know the feeling.” Caleb looked to Astrid. “We should explain the situation, ja?”

“Why was Trent arrested?” asked Felix.

“A number of Volstrucker spoke with the Cobalt Soul about his training methods,” Astrid replied. “They documented it and took him to court. He’s in prison for life.”

Felix frowned. “I’m confused.”

Caleb should have expected Felix probably wouldn’t understand Trent’s behaviour as abuse; Caleb hadn’t either. “Felix, I would like you to listen to me.” He rolled up his sleeves so Felix could see the scars, which he was certain Felix shared. “A good teacher does not force his students to endure what we have.”

“We will face worse every day in our work,” Felix replied. “The pain… it makes us stronger.”

“And the residuum experiments? With no pain mitigation? I know people who have passed out in the process. Has that happened to you?”

“Once or twice,” Felix muttered, evidently still under the effects of the spell. “Puked more often.”

“Me too,” said Caleb, resisting the urge to scratch his itching scars. “It made me very ill most of the time. Astrid and Eadwulf had to force me to eat.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Astrid was gazing into the flames. “Felix, how old were you when Trent first hurt you?”

“Sixteen.”

Astrid managed to look at Caleb, just for a moment. “The same for him.” Astrid was a year older so it made sense to invoke Caleb instead, and maybe it was easier for her to project these things onto him.

Wulf popped back into the office, with the very welcome form of Caduceus beside him. Felix jumped, but Caleb had told him what was happening, and that seemed to be enough to stop him from bolting.

“Hallo, Caduceus,” said Caleb. “Can you give us just one more moment?” He turned back to Felix. “I’m going to have my friend Caduceus take a look at you and make sure you are well, but I would like to ask you a question first.”

“Fine.”

“What has Trent ordered you to do?”

Felix dropped his gaze to his lap. “My mother and father are plotting to betray the Empire. I have been asked to stop them.”

“That must have been weeks ago,” said Caleb. “What’s the matter?”

Felix scowled, and tried several times to supply an answer, as he was required to be honest while under the effects of Caleb’s specifically-worded spell. “I don’t know. They are not the people I thought they were. They are traitors. But. It’s not… I don’t know what to do. I’ve been waiting for Trent to give me more information, but I haven’t heard anything. I guess I was trying to figure out if there was a way I could convince them to…” He shook his head. “No. There is no mercy for traitors to the Empire.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” said Caleb. “It must be very difficult. May Caduceus take a look at you? You have clearly been under a great deal of stress.”

Felix had probably never seen a firbolg before, and he eyed Caduceus with trepidation. “What is he going to do?”

“It’s all right,” said Astrid. “He is a healer. The three of us have spent time in his family’s garden.”

“I… suppose…”

Caduceus approached slowly. “This will be quick, I promise. Just a healing spell to make you feel a bit better.” He already had the diamond dust for Greater Restoration in his palm. He touched Felix’s shoulder. It took a second for the spell to sink in, during which Caleb couldn’t breathe.

Then Felix slid to the floor, head in his hands. Astrid knelt beside him, whispering too quietly for Caleb to hear.

“One down,” Caduceus said softly, smiling at Caleb. “One to go.”

Caleb couldn’t speak. He watched Felix curl up on the floor, muttering to Astrid. She looked up at him, beckoned him over. Caleb knelt by her side.

“I don’t understand,” Felix said. “Why? Why? I don’t…” He shoved his fist against his mouth and screamed into it, eyes squeezed shut. “Why would he do this?”

There were a lot of things Caleb could say; he was not convinced any of them were right. But he had to say something. “He’s done this to all of us. Every Volstrucker went through this to graduate.”

“He does it for a few reasons,” Astrid said, quiet but somewhat detached. “It eliminates any family connections, leaving us reliant on Trent. And then, we’ve done the worst thing we thought we could do. Anything Trent has us do after that means very little. And those who break…” She looked at Caleb. “They are held up as an example of failure that we are measured against. We all know Bren’s name for a reason. First, as an example of failure, of weakness. Later, an example of endurance, of admirable but problematic stubbornness. A cautionary tale nonetheless.”

Felix looked to Caleb as well. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information?”

Caleb wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know what Felix would tolerate, and there was a pressing matter. “First things first, we need to find Nicolaus.”

Felix drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face against them. “I don’t know where he is. We argued and then we went our separate ways.”

“What did you argue about?”

“I wanted to come here and find Trent. Ask about the order. See if there was anything we could… I don’t know.”

“And what did he want?”

“Nico doesn’t know what he wants. He was always more scared of Trent than I am.”

“Okay, we have ways to track him down. Caduceus, can you scry today?”

“I can,” Caduceus said slowly. “Might I also recommend, if Mr Felix knows the spell, that he should try Sending to him.”

“I don’t know that spell,” Felix said thickly. Caleb would just make out the side of his face, to see it was screwed up as if in pain.

“I can teach you,” said Caleb, “but I suspect it will take more time than we have right now.” Sending was an Evocation spell, so it would probably only take Felix three hours instead of six to copy it into his spellbook and practice it until he could do it, but that was still too long.

Caduceus sat cross-legged on the floor. “Do you have anything of his? Or a likeness?”

Wulf handed him a sketch. “Does this help?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Caduceus closed his eyes and began the ritual.

“I can try messaging Nico,” Astrid said, gripping her copper wire. “Nicolaus. It’s Astrid. I must meet with you in Trent’s office. It’s an urgent matter.” She waited, scowled. “Nothing.”

Caleb refused to panic, no matter how bad that sounded. “Okay. Good to know.”

Felix lifted his head. “What if we’re too late?”

“We don’t know that yet,” said Caleb. “Whatever happens, we will deal with it.”

Felix frowned at the floor. “What happens to me now?”

“We can take you home to your parents once we’ve got an idea of Nico’s situation,” said Caleb. “Unless you need more time.”

“Just a bit. I think. But I’d like to see them. Not today.”

“There is plenty of dormitory space for however long you need,” said Astrid. “Bren will visit you regularly once you are with your parents, to check in.” Felix nodded. That had not been discussed, but it was something that Caleb would want to do, so he let it slide.

The ten minutes it took for Caduceus to complete the spell were some of the longest of Caleb’s life. But then Caduceus’s eyes went white, and it seemed to be working.

Caduceus began to narrate what I saw. “I see your boy. He’s in a field. The clouds are pretty dark. It’s hard to see much. I think I see some buildings ahead of him. I’ll follow him for a bit.”

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Caleb’s stomach. “We should be ready, just in case.”

Astrid’s fingers weaved around the wire. “Expositor, are you close by? We may need your assistance. Come to my office on the--ugh, just ask for directions.” She listened. “Expositor Lionett is outside the Academy. She will be here soon.”

Caduceus spoke again. “He is approaching the village. Not many people in the streets. Probably the incoming storm. He looks like he has a goal.”

“What can you see of the buildings?” asked Caleb. “Any signs?”

“The signs are Zemnian,” said Caduceus. “The buildings look like farmhouses, mostly. I think I saw an orchard.”

“Blumenthal is a farming town,” Caleb muttered. “Fuck.”

Beauregard burst through the door, gasping for breath. “I’m here!” She doubled over, hands on her knees, as she sucked in air.

“Get ready to move,” said Wulf, stony-faced. “It looks bad.”

“Shit.” She gulped in another breath. “Okay.”

Caleb felt a little better now that she was here, but he was wound too tight to process it. “Caduceus. Is there anything else?”

“He’s picking up speed. Turned a corner. Looking at a house in the distance, I think.”

Caleb did not let himself feel anything. He turned to Felix. “Felix, do you know where Nico’s parents live?”

“On the northeastern edge of town.” Felix’s voice was as tense as Caleb. “Look for the cabbages.”

“Danke.” He squeezed Felix’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet. “We need to go.”

Caduceus was still in the vision. “Go on ahead. I’ll stay here with Felix. If I see anything I think is useful, I will Send. But it will break the scry.”

Caleb gathered Astrid, Wulf and Beauregard around him and cast teleport, aiming for the northeastern end of Blumenthal. He knew it well, once.

Caleb’s scars itched as he headed home from the Academy, mind buzzing uncomfortably. His hands were somehow steady as he messaged Beauregard.

“Beauregard. I had an unsettling conversation with Astrid and Wulf. Two Volstrucker students are missing. Felix and Nicolaus. Evocation wizards. May have self-orphan orders.” He realised belatedly that he had forgotten to ask Astrid for a description. Also, he hoped Beauregard never told anyone he had used the term self-orphan. He’d made himself a little queasy in his haste to keep to the word limit.

“I’ll make sure the Soul keeps an eye out. And I’ll get a description from Astrid in the morning. Get over here. Dinner’s ready.”

Beau and Yasha kept the conversation flowing over dinner, absolving Caleb of that social responsibility. He felt useless, sitting here while there were two boys out there somewhere, who were possibly in the process of deciding whether or not to kill their parents based on an implanted memory of treason. If they weren’t found in time, Caleb wasn’t sure he could ever forgive himself.

The two women hugged him goodnight after dinner, and he shook so hard he feared he would collapse. Yasha held onto him a little longer than she had probably planned, while Beauregard stepped back to take a look at him.

“Caleb.” She had that tone, the one what told him he looked like shit but she was trying not to freak him out. “Maybe you should take a spare room on this side tonight.”

“I’m all right, Beauregard.” He knew he sounded ridiculous. “Hear me out. Please.” Beauregard tilted her head in a silent challenge. “I need to think. I need to process this. I need to come up with plans for every possible outcome. And I may need to make some calls.”

“Do you want to talk it out?”

“I would like to be alone. Just for tonight. We will talk tomorrow.”

Beauregard looked for a moment like she was going to argue, and then she quite intentionally relaxed her shoulders. “Okay. You’ll tell us if you need anything, right?”

“Ja, of course.”

Yasha gave him one last squeeze. “We mean it. Anything.”

“I know. Danke.”

Caleb escaped to his bedroom. He forced himself to slow down a bit, take deep breaths, and get dressed for bed. He settled under the covers, slowly circling his palm over the quilt and feeling the different animal patterns. He’d already committed them to memory. But, on a night like this, it helped to know that what he thought was reality before was still reality now.

What a fucking mess. Before he could get too deep into his head, he messaged Caduceus.

“Hallo, Caduceus. Two of Trent’s students are missing. We suspect memories may have been modified. If we locate them, are you available to help us?”

There was a short pause; Caduceus was probably weighing his response, aware that he would not be able to track the wordcount once he began to speak. “Of course. Let me know when I’m needed. If you could spare a teleport, that would be great.”

Caleb cast the spell again. “I will give you a head’s up when I need you and then grab you from the Grove. Danke. Today has been… a lot.”

“Get some rest, Caleb. I left some sleepy tea in your kitchen if you need it. I’ll be here when you need me.”

That was one problem handled. Caleb burned through another Sending.

“Astrid, Caduceus is on call to correct any memory modification. Beauregard will be in touch with you tomorrow to get their descriptions.”

“Danke. I will ensure the Cobalt Soul is adequately informed. Now go to bed.”

Caleb let him feel her unspoken concern for him, just for a moment. Maybe one day they could be friends again. He curled up beneath the covers and closed his eyes. He would have to ensure he packed Counterspell and Sending every day. Perhaps Hold Person would also be useful. Control Flames would also not go amiss, just in case. And Expeditious Retreat or Fly would be useful in case time was of the essence at any point. Suggestion could be useful if they had the chance to talk. Running through spells he should prepare made him feel a bit better about how little control he had over this.

He was still losing his mind a little bit.

“Caleb,” came Essek’s voice, pumping air into Caleb's lungs. “Apologies. I meant to message earlier. I’m safe. Saved a child’s pet cat from a tree. He hugged me. Strange. How was your day?”

“Intense.” Caleb wasn’t sure how much to say, and he would definitely have to burn more spells to go into any detail. “Astrid promised to find a venue for the ex-Volstrucker support group. Two boys are unaccounted for. We are concerned. They are… almost graduates.”

Before Caleb could decide whether to say more, Essek Sent again. “Are you all right? Can I help with anything?”

“Not right now. We will… see how this pans out. They’re from Blumenthal, and I didn’t hear anything when I was there. May have time.” Caleb burnt another of his own spells before Essek did. “I have Caduceus on standby and Beauregard will talk to the Soul tomorrow. We may have a chance. I hope.”

“I will come in a heartbeat if you need me. Keep me updated. Get some rest if you can. Goodnight. You are in my thoughts.”

It helped, just a bit. Caleb still tossed and turned for a while, unable to turn his brain off. But things were… maybe they were manageable. He had half a mind to take himself to Blumenthal tomorrow, find out where the boys’ parents lived and get them somewhere safe. Or maybe he could… no, they would not handle a stranger showing up at their door in the dead of the night very well.

****

Astrid came to the house the following morning, with sketches for Beauregard to distribute to the Cobalt Soul. It was odd to sit on the couch with her. Like friends would.

“Eadwulf is in the city with the Volstrucker we could mobilise,” she said. “If either of them come to Rexxentrum, between us and the monks, we will find them. I spoke to my guard contact; the families are okay.”

“Have we considered evacuating them?” asked Caleb. The thought had kept him up for a long time last night. Maybe it was the best option.

There was a flicker of discomfort across Astrid’s face for the barest of seconds. “I don’t trust the Crownsguard to handle a delicate mission like that. It would be up to us. Or perhaps the Soul, but I’m already stretching our relationship with them.”

“Yudala Fon knows the stakes,” said Caleb. “If you are not comfortable visiting Blumenthal yourself…”

“Are you?”

“I have been once. I can bear it again to save half a dozen lives.”

They both knew it wasn’t just the parents whose lives were in danger. If Felix and Nicolaus followed through on this and were not stopped…

Well, Caleb had lost eleven years, and then another six running and running and running. Astrid and Wulf had lost their freedom as well. And Caleb could not even begin to comprehend the special kind of pain it would bring these boys if they murdered their parents only to discover Trent had been in prison for weeks, his crimes exposed, his orders no longer in effect. Caleb wasn’t sure he could have survived that.

Astrid must have understood what Caleb was feeling, because she spoke gently. “It is an option. We could also leave them in place under guard to draw the boys out.”

“I would rather not.” Caleb could already conjure a dozen scenarios in which that could go horribly wrong. “Astrid, we cannot fuck this up. You and I both know these boys could overpower a Crownsguard, or sneak past a security detail. No risks. We have to move the families.”

Astrid opened her mouth to respond, and then paused, eyes drifting upwards in concentration. “Thanks, Wulf. Do not engage. Herd him towards us if you can. We will be there shortly.” She focused back on Caleb. “Felix is in the city. Eadwulf is trailing him. They are approaching from the south.” She hopped to her feet, and helped Caleb up. “Shall we?”

As they raced out the door, Caleb messaged Beauregard. “Felix has been spotted. Approaching The Tangles from the south. Wulf is trailing. We are headed to intercept. Could use a hand.”

“I’m in the Court of Colours, southwest of your position. I’ll link up with Eadwulf. Will get the monks to surround. We got this.”

“Beauregard is southwest of us,” Caleb told Astrid. “She’ll try to find Wulf and have the monks form a perimeter.”

“We only have one shot with Felix,” Astrid muttered. “This could make or break everything. No fuckups?”

“No fuckups.”

They ran.

As they drew closer to the suspected middle point, Caleb shot a quick message to Wulf. “We are close to the midpoint. Turning invisible now.” He grabbed Astrid’s hand, hiding them both from view.

Wulf’s response was a whisper. “Slowing down. I think he knows I’m here, but hasn’t done anything yet.”

Caleb was grateful most seventeen-year-old wizards had not yet figured out teleportation. He and Astrid also slowed, still hand-in-hand.

“We try to talk to him before we do anything aggressive,” Astrid whispered. “Get us close.”

“Worst case scenario, Beauregard stuns him and Wulf carries him somewhere we can have a secure conversation. I can try casting Suggestion if necessary, before we do anything to freak him out.”

They turned a corner and Caleb spotted the boy in a crowd of people carrying baskets and cloths and the like, probably headed to market. Felix was slim and blonde, and looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days. His shoulders were tight. The pair stayed ahead of him. Caleb spotted the instant Felix started getting a little too nervous, his eyes darting backwards for the barest of moments, towards Eadwulf, buried even as he was in the crowd.

Caleb tugged Astrid’s hand towards an alley before letting go and stepping into it, hoping he had read this right. Felix also turned into the alley, putting his back to the wall of a nearby inn, raising a hand to prepare a spell. Caleb recognised the somatic components of Scorching Ray. He prepared to counter it.

As soon as Wulf emerged, Felix tried to release the spell, and Caleb counterspelled, losing his invisibility.

Felix shook out his hands, still focused on Wulf. “Why are you following me, Eadwulf?”

Wulf raised an eyebrow. “Did you consider asking that before trying to set me on fire?”

Felix’s eyes narrowed, and Caleb wondered if Trent had tried to drive a wedge between the Volstruck, and Astrid and Wulf.

Astrid dropped her invisibility, appearing next to Wulf. “Felix, what’s the matter? Are you well?”

Her emergence did not calm Felix in the slightest. “Am I--” He scoffed. “Are you kidding?”

“We have been looking for you for weeks,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I have a mission to complete.”

Caleb considered recasting his invisibility, but the spell required verbal and somatic components. He just had to hold still and hope Astrid and Wulf commanded Felix’s attention until Caleb figured out what to do.

“Felix, you have been gone from the city for a long time,” said Astrid, and Caleb slowly reached for his component pouch. “Things have changed. Your mission, whatever it is, may no longer be viable.”

“We need to take you back to the Candles,” said Wulf.

Caleb felt his snake’s tongue and a piece of honeycomb, and began to slowly extract them from his pouch.

Felix didn’t move. “Why?”

Astrid glanced at Wulf, before evidently deciding on a course of action. “Trent has been arrested. We are trying to gather the Volstrucker so we can explain the charges against him.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Felix, what did he ask you to do?”

“It’s confidential.”

Caleb had the materials in his hand, so he rubbed the honeycomb against his lip, and spoke. “Felix, we are here to help you, but we need you to help us. Could we please have an honest conversation with each other?”

There was a moment where Caleb feared Felix would resist the Suggestion spell, and that Beauregard would have to swoop in and stun him. Felix turned to him, head cocked.

“Okay,” he said slowly. “You are Bren, right? Trent talks about you a lot.” He glanced at Astrid and Wulf. “He seemed worried the three of you were scheming behind his back.”

“Let’s head to his old office, ja? We have a lot to talk about. We will answer your questions, if you answer ours.”

“All right. Lead on.”

Caleb could not fucking believe that had worked. Judging from Astrid and Eadwulf’s brief but clearly shocked glances in his direction, they couldn’t believe it either.

****

Caleb couldn’t risk sending a message to Beauregard explaining what had happened, but she seemed to get the sense she shouldn’t reveal herself. Caleb led Felix through the city to the Academy, and up to Astrid’s office. They sat him in front of the fireplace.

Caleb crouched in front of him while Astrid stood by the fire, and Wulf leaned by the door. “Thank you for cooperating, Felix. Give me one moment. I need to message a friend who is going to help us.” He cast Sending. “Caduceus. We will need you in a moment.”

“I’m ready when you are.”

“I’ll go,” said Eadwulf. “Be right back.” With a muttered incantation, he had vanished.

“Where is he going?” asked Felix.

“To fetch a cleric friend of mine,” Caleb replied. “You look tired. Are you well?”

“Had a lot on my mind, I guess. Sleeping has been difficult.”

“I know the feeling.” Caleb looked to Astrid. “We should explain the situation, ja?”

“Why was Trent arrested?” asked Felix.

“A number of Volstrucker spoke with the Cobalt Soul about his training methods,” Astrid replied. “They documented it and took him to court. He’s in prison for life.”

Felix frowned. “I’m confused.”

Caleb should have expected Felix probably wouldn’t understand Trent’s behaviour as abuse; Caleb hadn’t either. “Felix, I would like you to listen to me.” He rolled up his sleeves so Felix could see the scars, which he was certain Felix shared. “A good teacher does not force his students to endure what we have.”

“We will face worse every day in our work,” Felix replied. “The pain… it makes us stronger.”

“And the residuum experiments? With no pain mitigation? I know people who have passed out in the process. Has that happened to you?”

“Once or twice,” Felix muttered, evidently still under the effects of the spell. “Puked more often.”

“Me too,” said Caleb, resisting the urge to scratch his itching scars. “It made me very ill most of the time. Astrid and Eadwulf had to force me to eat.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you asking me these questions?”

Astrid was gazing into the flames. “Felix, how old were you when Trent first hurt you?”

“Sixteen.”

Astrid managed to look at Caleb, just for a moment. “The same for him.” Astrid was a year older so it made sense to invoke Caleb instead, and maybe it was easier for her to project these things onto him.

Wulf popped back into the office, with the very welcome form of Caduceus beside him. Felix jumped, but Caleb had told him what was happening, and that seemed to be enough to stop him from bolting.

“Hallo, Caduceus,” said Caleb. “Can you give us just one more moment?” He turned back to Felix. “I’m going to have my friend Caduceus take a look at you and make sure you are well, but I would like to ask you a question first.”

“Fine.”

“What has Trent ordered you to do?”

Felix dropped his gaze to his lap. “My mother and father are plotting to betray the Empire. I have been asked to stop them.”

“That must have been weeks ago,” said Caleb. “What’s the matter?”

Felix scowled, and tried several times to supply an answer, as he was required to be honest while under the effects of Caleb’s specifically-worded spell. “I don’t know. They are not the people I thought they were. They are traitors. But. It’s not… I don’t know what to do. I’ve been waiting for Trent to give me more information, but I haven’t heard anything. I guess I was trying to figure out if there was a way I could convince them to…” He shook his head. “No. There is no mercy for traitors to the Empire.”

“I am sorry to hear that,” said Caleb. “It must be very difficult. May Caduceus take a look at you? You have clearly been under a great deal of stress.”

Felix had probably never seen a firbolg before, and he eyed Caduceus with trepidation. “What is he going to do?”

“It’s all right,” said Astrid. “He is a healer. The three of us have spent time in his family’s garden.”

“I… suppose…”

Caduceus approached slowly. “This will be quick, I promise. Just a healing spell to make you feel a bit better.” He already had the diamond dust for Greater Restoration in his palm. He touched Felix’s shoulder. It took a second for the spell to sink in, during which Caleb couldn’t breathe.

Then Felix slid to the floor, head in his hands. Astrid knelt beside him, whispering too quietly for Caleb to hear.

“One down,” Caduceus said softly, smiling at Caleb. “One to go.”

Caleb couldn’t speak. He watched Felix curl up on the floor, muttering to Astrid. She looked up at him, beckoned him over. Caleb knelt by her side.

“I don’t understand,” Felix said. “Why? Why? I don’t…” He shoved his fist against his mouth and screamed into it, eyes squeezed shut. “Why would he do this?”

There were a lot of things Caleb could say; he was not convinced any of them were right. But he had to say something. “He’s done this to all of us. Every Volstrucker went through this to graduate.”

“He does it for a few reasons,” Astrid said, quiet but somewhat detached. “It eliminates any family connections, leaving us reliant on Trent. And then, we’ve done the worst thing we thought we could do. Anything Trent has us do after that means very little. And those who break…” She looked at Caleb. “They are held up as an example of failure that we are measured against. We all know Bren’s name for a reason. First, as an example of failure, of weakness. Later, an example of endurance, of admirable but problematic stubbornness. A cautionary tale nonetheless.”

Felix looked to Caleb as well. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this information?”

Caleb wanted to comfort him, but didn’t know what Felix would tolerate, and there was a pressing matter. “First things first, we need to find Nicolaus.”

Felix drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face against them. “I don’t know where he is. We argued and then we went our separate ways.”

“What did you argue about?”

“I wanted to come here and find Trent. Ask about the order. See if there was anything we could… I don’t know.”

“And what did he want?”

“Nico doesn’t know what he wants. He was always more scared of Trent than I am.”

“Okay, we have ways to track him down. Caduceus, can you scry today?”

“I can,” Caduceus said slowly. “Might I also recommend, if Mr Felix knows the spell, that he should try Sending to him.”

“I don’t know that spell,” Felix said thickly. Caleb would just make out the side of his face, to see it was screwed up as if in pain.

“I can teach you,” said Caleb, “but I suspect it will take more time than we have right now.” Sending was an Evocation spell, so it would probably only take Felix three hours instead of six to copy it into his spellbook and practice it until he could do it, but that was still too long.

Caduceus sat cross-legged on the floor. “Do you have anything of his? Or a likeness?”

Wulf handed him a sketch. “Does this help?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Caduceus closed his eyes and began the ritual.

“I can try messaging Nico,” Astrid said, gripping her copper wire. “Nicolaus. It’s Astrid. I must meet with you in Trent’s office. It’s an urgent matter.” She waited, scowled. “Nothing.”

Caleb refused to panic, no matter how bad that sounded. “Okay. Good to know.”

Felix lifted his head. “What if we’re too late?”

“We don’t know that yet,” said Caleb. “Whatever happens, we will deal with it.”

Felix frowned at the floor. “What happens to me now?”

“We can take you home to your parents once we’ve got an idea of Nico’s situation,” said Caleb. “Unless you need more time.”

“Just a bit. I think. But I’d like to see them. Not today.”

“There is plenty of dormitory space for however long you need,” said Astrid. “Bren will visit you regularly once you are with your parents, to check in.” Felix nodded. That had not been discussed, but it was something that Caleb would want to do, so he let it slide.

The ten minutes it took for Caduceus to complete the spell were some of the longest of Caleb’s life. But then Caduceus’s eyes went white, and it seemed to be working.

Caduceus began to narrate what I saw. “I see your boy. He’s in a field. The clouds are pretty dark. It’s hard to see much. I think I see some buildings ahead of him. I’ll follow him for a bit.”

There was a sick feeling in the pit of Caleb’s stomach. “We should be ready, just in case.”

Astrid’s fingers weaved around the wire. “Expositor, are you close by? We may need your assistance. Come to my office on the--ugh, just ask for directions.” She listened. “Expositor Lionett is outside the Academy. She will be here soon.”

Caduceus spoke again. “He is approaching the village. Not many people in the streets. Probably the incoming storm. He looks like he has a goal.”

“What can you see of the buildings?” asked Caleb. “Any signs?”

“The signs are Zemnian,” said Caduceus. “The buildings look like farmhouses, mostly. I think I saw an orchard.”

“Blumenthal is a farming town,” Caleb muttered. “Fuck.”

Beauregard burst through the door, gasping for breath. “I’m here!” She doubled over, hands on her knees, as she sucked in air.

“Get ready to move,” said Wulf, stony-faced. “It looks bad.”

“Shit.” She gulped in another breath. “Okay.”

Caleb felt a little better now that she was here, but he was wound too tight to process it. “Caduceus. Is there anything else?”

“He’s picking up speed. Turned a corner. Looking at a house in the distance, I think.”

Caleb did not let himself feel anything. He turned to Felix. “Felix, do you know where Nico’s parents live?”

“On the northeastern edge of town.” Felix’s voice was as tense as Caleb. “Look for the cabbages.”

“Danke.” He squeezed Felix’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet. “We need to go.”

Caduceus was still in the vision. “Go on ahead. I’ll stay here with Felix. If I see anything I think is useful, I will Send. But it will break the scry.”

Caleb gathered Astrid, Wulf and Beauregard around him and cast teleport, aiming for the northeastern end of Blumenthal. He knew it well, once.

[the-volume-is-astronomical]

The Crown, The Sword, and The Gay

Knight's Mistake

A/N: y'all some people actually cared so i decided to share this chapter which is def shorter but hope y'all enjoy and remember to stay alert there could be clues as to what happens next anywhere (also let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist!)

First | Previous| Next

words: 1601

summary: Roman’s in the tower and he is now alone with his new knight in shinning armor pairings: eventual prinxiety, eventual intrulogical, eventual moceit

warnings: some potty language (not much), stress, anxiety, pretentious character, violence (near the end), talking down to someone, blatant sexism

(let me know if there's any other)

“Your majesty…” Trent opened the door for Roman, he didn't react at all. He kept looking out the carriage window. Ruth asked Trent to give them a minute and he nodded looking complacent but, she saw from the corner of her eye his smile drop and his eyes roll...she’d have to look into that later, for now…

”Roman, I truly do hate to bring you back to reality but-” Roman seemed to sober up at her voice “I know, I know.” They both got out of the carriage, Trent at the ready with Roman’s possessions. Ruth and Roman gave each other a goodbye. “I'll be back in the morning. I hope by that time with Remy..” Roman chuckled

“And I swear if I see you reading that damn book-” “No! I promise I'll read something else this time” Roman knew Ruth was just joking “You are such a bad liar- I thought I taught you better!” Their little moment was rudely interrupted by Trent’s over exaggerated coughing.

Roman turned around almost forgetting Trent was there. “Sorry for the interruption, Your majes-” Roman interrupts Trent “No, please, call me Roman” The knight gave a tight nod and gestured towards the tower which Roman purposely ignored. Roman gave Ruth a hug, afterwards Trent helped her to the carriage.

Roman watched his only way out leave with his nurse. Trent was getting tired of being ignored. He grabbed Roman’s arm, not forcefully, the Prince was his only way of proving to the King how much potential he had. He had heard how ingenious the heir could be, he had outwitted several knight before, it was obvious the royal hadn't done it to embarrass the knights but, the other trainees always made fun of those who were fooled by the young prince.

Trent did not intend to be one of them.

Roman quickly twisted his hand off “his” knight’s grasp, he just started walking forward without saying another word, not even looking to where he was going. From an outsider perspective it might look as if he had memorized the path to such a degree he could get to his destination with his eyes closed, they would be right.

After arriving at the top of the tower, he went towards the nearest shelf and took out the only book with any color that wasn't brown or gray, he sat by the window but instead of rereading his favorite book, Trent spoke up trying to make conversation.

“So, I heard Hugo had been your knight before I” dropping Romans possessions as he spoke. Roman looked up pretty confused, he wasn't used to talkative Knights, he usually had to fight stories out of Hugo.

“Well yes, there was a time where Hugo was planning to retire but all the knights that applied to be my babysitters, to upgrade rank of course, were very easily fooled” Trent ignored almost everything he had said just waiting out until it was his turn to talk “Yeah, yeah.. Did you know Hugo actually taught me for a while?”

Trent obviously expected curiosity, which he got. “Really? Hugo has never spoken of you, I've asked him about his life for so long, I could write a whole book about his life.” Trent looked a little annoyed at that “He did indeed teach me for a while not for long though, it was back in Meadowfort…” making an obvious pause expecting Roman to ask for more details about Hugo’s home, he was a very private person

… What he did not expect on the other hand was Roman to start monologuing about what Hugo had told him about the place.

“Oh, Meadowfort!” He jumped up starting to look through a trunk, until he pulled out a drawing “Gosh, I remember Hugo telling me so much about his home” Trent didn't really know what to say, he looked at the drawing that Roman had laid on the desk, and it was Meadowfort.

He only had a foggy memory of what the place looked like, last time he had been there he was a child. “Hugo went back a few years ago, he got an artist to make me this painting of his hometown. I had completely forgotten about it till you mentioned it!” Roman rambled admiring the drawing.

Trent, still trying to impress Roman, spoke up. “Yes! That's um... his street, his house was…” he trailed off looking around the drawing, actively trying to remember which was Hugo’s house, before his memory could be refreshed the Royal next to him beat him to it, “...I believe it was this one, Hugo always told me what a perfect view he got from his bedroom window.” He was very hesitant as he felt he was interrupting his new knight too much.

Trent agreed with that sentiment. He was incredibly annoyed with the prince. Trent tried to impress him by other means but, Roman proved to know a lot about Hugo’s life. So he headed towards the big shelf and picked up one of the philosophy books he recognized.

“Ah! ‘Philosophy Without A Goal’, an amazing piece of literature... though, I certainly don't agree with all it’s ideals” he again expected a reaction of awe towards his knowledge on a type of book mostly used to teach royalty but he got none of it

“Oh yeah, I think I remember a bit of that book. I wasn't really interested in the topic and my professor was very considerate, he always included some adventure or fantasy book when it was time to practice reading, after my parents found out he got fired...always felt bad about that.” Roman spoke while eyeing the red book that sat abandoned by the window.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After several attempts of trying to impress the prince with the amount of knowledge he had but, being out done by the monarch, Trent gave up. “It’s getting late, i'm going to head to bed...where exactly am I going to sleep?” Roman stood up and quickly headed for the door “There's a room we passed while heading up-” Roman, hand on the door handle, was going to show Trent where he was going to sleep but, the knight panicked thinking this might be the prince trying to trick him.

“No!” He ran towards the door and slammed it, startling Roman “I can find it myself- thank you though, your majesty” Roman was very confused and still a little shocked at the outburst “Um...sure, if you have any questions about anything let me know, i’ve spent half my life here.” there was something bitter tracing his voice, not that Trent noticed nor cared so, he excused himself.

Trent actually found the room pretty easily, he was unsure how he had missed it before. He was unbelievably annoyed once he realized he'd have to be in the tower with the royal for an undisclosed amount of time, why couldn't the prince shut his mouth from time to time, on the other hand, he could handle it as long as he could cut a few extra steps and effort to actually get to a position of power.

Though life isn't always ideal.

(In this case, he definitely had it coming)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roman woke up to raised voices, in his half-asleep self he couldn't make out what they were saying but he did recognize Ruth’s voice and how much anger she laced her words with.

He stood from his bed concerned for his nurse and who might be on the other end of her venom, she only really had patience for those she cared about. He hurriedly put a robe on and headed out his room. He found Trent and Ruth arguing, his nurse was absolutely fuming, and in a lack of better words “ready to kill a bitch”.

As Roman finally realized they were arguing, he tried to listen as to what they were fighting about. “The King gave me direct orders to not let anyone who wasn't of importance in, that obviously doesn't include a random servant bringing the Prince some tea. Trent emphasized on the word King, as if to prove he was somehow above Ruth.

“Look hun, I get it you think you’re hot stuff because ‘the king chose you to babysit the prince and that's going to help your career’ or whatever, just let me in to see how my baby is doing...ok?” Ruth sounded tired but Roman could hear the murderous edge to her tone.

“Did they not teach you to not to talk that way towards a man?” Trent apparently heard the tone she was obviously trying to hide and he also didn't have a will to live, Roman was about to say something but, Trent spoke before he could.

“Just leave the food and head back, you sure as hell aren't strong enough to get by me.” Roman genuinely thought Ruth was going to go off on Trent and go on a screaming match. However, he did not expect his nurse to, in a blink of an eye, have Trent on the floor, one of her hands on his back and her other hand extending Trent’s right arm while putting a foot on his left arm, basically having this trained knight in an armlock.

Roman was confused and impressed but, mostly too tired to analyze what was happening in front of him so, when a random purple haired knight showed up holding a piece of paper and made eye contact with him, looking extremely concerned and confused, he just shrugged and yawned as if, his nurse didn’t have the his assigned knight in an armlock.

taglist:

@meowthefluffy

[gutwrenchflowerbomb]

Note: This is long but I felt like getting it out there not just for the sake of newer fans but because it’s been a long time since I’ve written about wrestling and I’d like to get into the habit again.

So I’m still pretty new to the current form of WRESTLING TUMBLR™️ but I am a Tumblr vet (joined in May of ‘09 baybee). I am also a vet when it comes to being a wrestling fan. I’m talking 25 years (since I was 10). And I feel this urge to be the cool aunt to all the newer and/or younger fans. I don’t wanna act like I am some super authority figure or that my thoughts and opinions are fucking gospel, but like...apply the wisdom I’ve learned over the years.

Especially as someone whose favorite wrestlers tend to be somewhere in the lower to upper mid-card range.

There is a lot of anger/disappointment/etc right now regarding AEW and some of the recent booking and I just wanna say a few things about it that hopefully will resonate or ease some of that.

-People who are upset with Kenny and/or the Bucks being the champs because they are EVPs :

They deserve it. Why? Because AEW is their baby. Yes, Tony Khan is a big part of it but ultimately the Bucks, Kenny and Cody are the originators. They took a huge risk and it has paid off handsomely. So why is it that just because they happen to be EVPs that means they can never be booked to win big? This whole industry is and has been booked that way. Plus, it’s not like they put the straps on themselves instantly. It’s been over a year and I think it’s fair to say they earned it. Also: they won’t have them forever. Wrestling isn’t fun when the belts never switch hands. We know this and they know this as well.

- Chuck and Trent being underutilized and Orange Cassidy being pushed the moon:

I am a HUGE Best Friends fan. Have been for years. In fact, one of the first shirts I ever bought that wasn’t WWE was a Best Friends shirt and I’ve worn that bitch to All In, Double or Nothing, All Out and Revolution. Do I think they could be on Dynamite more often? Sure. Do I think they are being buried or anything like that in favor of Orange? It’s not that simple.

I love OC. He’s cool, fantastic in the ring, looks good but most of all he is just soooo different than what most casual wrestling fans are used to. In this case, it’s worked out to his (and the company’s) advantage. I can’t tell you how many videos I’ve seen online that show people who don’t know shit about wrestling reacting to him in the ring. The Buzz is good and the result is TNT is VERY interested in OC. We all know TK loves him too. The result has been Orange getting more screen time. But I hope most folks realize this is not his fault. Plus, there’s always gonna be like...designated roles in a wrestling stable. There’s gonna be your singles guys, the tag teams and sometimes a woman or two. It’s just naturally how stables are. And people who are in stables generally are seen supporting their fellow members.

The Best Friends do appear to be on the back burner as far as storyline/prominence goes right now and that’s ok. There is so much talent on that roster, especially in the tag division. If you pull back and look at the episodes objectively, you’ll see that they (the bookers) really try to get everyone screen time as much as possible. When’s the last time PnP had a match? Or Jurassic Express? I can count on one hand the number of times TH2 have been on dynamite this year. That means that a lot of times a team won’t actually have a match on Dynamite for a while. They usually try to even that out by having them on Dark. Again, that is ok. The only alternatives to this would be to A.) cut screen time to several other performers in favor or just one or two teams or B.) have more performers on but the matches would have to be cut to 3-7 minutes. Personally, I would rather have longer matches less often then every week have some dumb ass short matches. 

- My favorite ______ deserves ___!

Listen, everyone has favorites and naturally we all want to see our favorites as much as possible and want them to be dripping in championships. The reality is, if the same people/teams are the champions all the time it’s boring as fuck. Seriously. In good companies, there is a nice ebb and flow of changing of championships. Titles changes that happen too often lose their prestige. When they take too long to change hands it becomes boring and predictable. 

In my over two decades of watching wrestling I’ve learned to embrace this. When your favorite finally gets booked in a higher profile feud, it makes it all that much more exciting and important. Take my current favorite AEW star: I am patiently waiting for Colt Cabana to get something bigger than his current position in the Dark Order. It may be a while. It might be in a few weeks. In the mean time, I just appreciate it when I get to see him at all. 

- The women’s division is trash in AEW right now

It could be better, but believe me: it could be way fucking worse. If any of you remember the Diva’s Championship era of WWE know what the hell I’m talking about. I think that right now, with Covid-19 and injuries for some performers, the women’s division is in a holding pattern. It sucks. There’s no way around it. If you watch Dark, that’s where the ladies shine. There is often 3-5 women’s matches on there and they feature some bigger players and some lesser known jobbettes. Sometimes that means there’s a squash match. But often the performers are given a solid 6+ minutes to go at it. That doesn’t sound long but it’s actually pretty generous especially for those performers who are new/unknown. Yet on Dynamite we usually only get one MAYBE two matches and generally it’s involving the same people. 

I think this is probably going to continue to be the case until the pandemic is under control and they are able to travel again. Not just travel in the sense of going to different cities, but also travel for performers. I personally cannot wait until we get some of the wonderful Joshi ladies back in the mix. I honestly think AEW really truly wants to have the women in their company to shine as bright as the men but they are struggling to figure it out. When the company was started, they had some big, well known names in the men’s division i.e. Chris Jericho. I mean, Double or Nothing we got Mox debuting. That’s some name recognition that the women’s division didn’t get and I think they have suffered because of it. That doesn’t mean that the women are any worse than men or that they are any worse than other companies’ women’s divisions.  

I hope if anyone actually read all this comments to let me know what they think. Again, I never want to come off as an elitist (lol) or know-it-all but rather like the weird old cat-lady who’s lived through some. 

[marshunter06]

You’re always so supportive of self indulgent writing, so I thought I would prompt you 14 for Trentney 💙

This is why you’re my favorite 💜 I’m well aware no one else really cares for this ship, but I love them and I love you for prompting me! I could go on and on about why Trentney owns my heart some days, but I’ll just post the drabble instead 💕

14. “You don’t know what you do to me, do you?”

If someone told Courtney she would end up falling for her best friend, she would’ve laughed at them, bold of them to assume she even had a friend to begin with. Sure she was somewhat popular in school, her reputation precedes her, an overachiever who would do anything to win. That made her a lot of enemies, and just as many fake acquaintances who needed a passing grade. She pretty much gave up on having real friends that she could rely on until Total Drama. She found that even though it seemed as if these teens would clash given their different personalities and upbringings, their shared bond from the trauma they suffered at the hands of a sadistic television host was more than enough to call each other friends. Sure she was upset she never won any money and basically suffered through tortures no human being should ever go through, but at least it gave her a chance to connect with people her age. For the first time, she felt as if she had a family, and she even ended up with a boyfriend. Sadly all good things come to an end.

After the cheating fiasco that she would rather not think about ever, and another failed season of redemption, she relapsed into her most toxic self. She pushed everyone out even sweet Bridgette who’s always been on her side, she still regrets doing that. She probably would’ve lived a miserable life if she continued the path of self loathing and working too hard, but luckily she ended up bumping into Trent. She was of course being difficult at first, not wanting anything to do with anyone associated with the reality show, but then she realized he was the only one who could understand how she felt. They were both wronged by the same people and without a chance for closure.

Now three years into their friendship and one year of being roommates, Courtney couldn’t be more grateful to have him in her life. Together they mend some bridges that seemed burned, but were actually still standing. They made their peace with their exes and now everyone on the cast was back to being one big happy dysfunctional family. There’s still some awkward moments, but overall it was nice having friends again. She owes it all to Trent, without him, she would never have been able to find her way back to happiness. Which is why she absolutely cannot tell him that she’s developed a crush on him, it would ruin everything she’s worked so hard to get to. It’s better this way, she would rather keep him as her best friend than lose him just because she couldn’t contain her emotions. So what if she swoons whenever his green eyes are on her? Or the fact that he remembers all her likes and dislikes and likes to surprise her with her favorite meal? Or that his hugs feel like home especially after a long day at work? She couldn’t possibly tell him that the song he wrote for her still makes her cry when she hears it play on the radio. She's in way too deep, this is worse than she thought.

��Court? You alright there? You’ve been staring into space for the last five minutes. Did something happen at work?”

“Huh? Oh no, nothing. I was just zoning out. I’m tired of thinking.”

“Oh okay, does that mean you want me to decide where we order takeout from tonight? I’m not feeling up to cooking and you’ve been so busy.”

“I’m not too busy to make us dinner. Plus I know you’ve been stressed too, why don't I make your favorite meal for a change. We have all the ingredients here at home!”

She smiles at him as she attempts to walk away into the kitchen, but his expression changed almost immediately after hearing her offer. Normally he would smile back and thank her for being so kind, but something was different tonight, he seemed like he was holding himself back. Now she was concerned, maybe his latest collaborator was giving him trouble. She moves closer to him then gently touches his shoulder.

“Hey, are you alright?”

“You don’t know what you do to me, do you?”

She feels her breath catch at his admission, could it be? Did he actually feel the same way too? Her eyes widen, she doesn’t know what to say.

“This is probably a mistake, but I don’t think I can pretend I’m not in love with you anymore… Courtney, I’m crazy about you.”

“Trent…”

“I know it seems out of the blue, but I’ve felt this way for a long time. I’m sorry I hid it, I thought I could get over it, but the more I got to know you… the more I got to see how amazing you are. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same…”

She leans forward to capture his lips, silencing any doubts he had. She’s been dreaming of this for so long, it feels as if she’s waited her whole life for him. Her hand clutches his t-shirt while the other moves up to cup his face, his arms wrapped around her waist as he deepens the kiss. She couldn’t be more delighted, her happiness was clearly written on her face as they broke apart for air with their foreheads still touching.

“In case that wasn’t clear… I don’t wanna be just friends anymore.”

His laughter brings butterflies in her stomach as he leans in for another kiss. She closes her eyes in contentment. This, this was what happiness feels like, finally being with the one you’ve always loved.

[heathers-wig]

last kiss oneshot aka a sad heathers-wig making a duncney oneshot at 1AM and getting emotional over the duncney parallels because i’m THAT bitch

listen,,,,, i know. i have no shame. making duncney content in 2020? to old taylor swift songs? my pride has evaporated, so please td tumblr, have mercy. 

also @ my few non-td mutuals and non-writer mutuals: do not judge me more than you already have please i’m begging.

available on ao3 here

I still remember the look on your face

Lit through the darkness at 1:58

The words that you whispered

For just us to know

You told me you loved me

So why did you go away?

A somber reflection of her own face stared back at Courtney as the brown eyed girl stared, saddened, outside one of the jet’s windows. The Jumbo-Jet had been flying for hours, to wherever the show’s next location was, and the rest of her team was fast asleep; even Cody, who was terrified of Sierra rubbing his feet at the dead of the night. Sierra herself had been worn out after hours of cutting out perfectly shaped pieces of paper of a Gwen silhouette and then destroying it — she had taken so much joy out of it, and had done it so flawlessly, that Courtney was sure it had become a routine over the few years Total Drama had been airing on TV. After today, Courtney would gladly join Sierra, if she wasn’t so busy making a list on how much of a back-stabbing, helio-phobic goth-loving liar that Gwen was. 

God, Gwen; just the name made Courtney want to let out one of the most pathetic sobs that had ever been seen on television. She knew it was stupid, she honestly did, that she trusted Gwen — it wasn’t anything she said, or really anything that she did, that deemed Gwen as untrustworthy, it was more like the feeling of being unsettled that came after every time Duncan’s name would worm its way into the conversation, and the way Gwen had tensed and how the goth’s cheeks would become slightly pinker, yet her skin somehow paler; in hindsight, it was so dreadfully and painfully obvious that this would happen, and how inevitable it was that this sad, beautifully breathtaking destruction would crumble down on the fragments of happiness in Courtney’s life, but maybe that’s why Courtney and Gwen were drawn together in the first place. To prove the paparazzi wrong, or maybe because Courtney really believed that Gwen wouldn’t stoop as low and confirm the public’s suspicions. However, time had slowly gone by and Courtney learned the hard, cruel way that they were absolutely right.

Chef, who had never taken any sort of liking or pity on Courtney — except when she had sued Chris, he had begrudgingly admitted that he was impressed — had been nice (or cruel, Courtney couldn’t decide which one was more accurate,) enough to show the brunette the clip herself. Herself hugging Duncan (who she now nicknamed Dumbcan in her own mind — ugh, the jerk!) so lovingly after being separated for what felt like ages, and feeling her heart soar when he said he thought of her while he was gone —

— But that was all a lie. A lie that made Courtney feel secure in her deteriorating relationship, a lie that allowed Duncan an easy way out, a lie that filled Gwen’s stomach to the brim with fluttering butterflies. Courtney had to watch, with something that felt all too familiar to horror, as Duncan and Gwen embraced and slowly leaned towards each other, all while knowing and ignoring the brunette outside who was just so happy that she had her boyfriend back and someone she could call the closest to a best friend was still in the game with her. It was almost ironic how that ended. Almost.

Now, staring out the window, Courtney couldn’t help but wander how this could have possibly happened. Of course, she knew the actual answer; Gwen falling for Duncan after her public and awful breakup with Trent, and Duncan losing interest in her as Courtney thought more and more of their relationship as long-term versus until one of them had gotten a sudden sweep of common sense and dumped the other. Whenever Courtney had tried to construct the words in her head of what she would say to Duncan when she eventually had to actually face him, the thoughts that were so carefully balanced on the tip of her tongue would come tumbling back down to the pit of her stomach. Throwing a pity party and tantrum when breaking up with Duncan would be inevitable — she knew it, as much as she didn’t want to acknowledge it — but the feeling of dread she felt when looking back on their initial relationship was too much to bear. 

It was ironic, wasn’t it, how she was the first to lean in, while Duncan had took the final lean out? And how he didn’t even have enough guts to breakup with her to begin with? Sure, it would definitely hurt, but she was almost positive that it would be nowhere near the amount of heartache she felt while watching that clip.

What killed her the most was that she could still remember the electric blue eyes of his that seemed to illuminate the darkness of night that day she rebelled, the very day she would now do anything to erase from history. The look of initial shock on his face when Courtney grabbed his face and smashed their lips together in one electrifying kiss... it was painful to remember such a time. If Courtney tried hard enough, she was sure she could hear the slight chatter of their friends behind them and the crickets around them and maybe even the humming of porch lights next to them. Possibly even pick up on the slight smell of cigarettes that followed Duncan everywhere (like his criminal record, as Courtney would snidely berate him, though those days were left to wither in the past), or unfortunately the resting puddle of vomit next to the porch. 

“Enjoy a peanut butter-less life,” he had remarked, the words still ringing in Courtney’s head almost two years later.

“Thanks,” Courtney herself had quipped, leaning up against him. “Enjoy prison,”

“I will,” the juvenile smirked. It all felt like such a long time ago. Had it all meant nothing? Maybe it had been broadcasted around the world, but it was such a private and intimate moment between them that felt like it was for them and them alone — and yet he cheated? He turned around and kissed up her best friend with little to no remorse? Did it mean anything to him? She wasn’t sure she wanted the answer. 

If it did, wouldn’t he had stayed? Wouldn’t he had wanted to talk things out, instead of hurting her in the worst way possible? Wouldn’t he have meant every ‘I love you,’ he said while they were still dating with no second thought? Did he even mean every ‘I love you’? Or were they just lies that tasted as sweet as honey on his tongue, that he spoon-fed to Courtney every now and then to keep her from leaving him.

She wasn’t sure what haunted her more; knowing that Duncan felt no regret for what he did or having a last kiss with no knowledge of its significance. 

I do recall now

The smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement

I ran off the plane

That July ninth

The beat of your heart

It jumps through your skin

I can still feel your arms

As odd as it felt, a few weeks have gone by since her nasty breakup with Duncan. She finally got to shove Gwen (who was swelling up from her allergic reaction at a concerning rate, but Courtney had no pity left for Gwen in her heart that the goth and Duncan were responsible for breaking) off of Chris’s jet, but to her disappointment it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as she hoped it would be. Sure, seeing Gwen’s falling figure struggle to open the parachute brought a smile to her face and earned a chuckle from Heather (and a maniacal laugh from Sierra), but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to personally shove Duncan off the plane herself, but she wouldn’t be as kind to him as she was with Gwen; she’d be taking the parachute right before she shoved the fatal push.

The feeling that came after Gwen’s elimination was hard to describe — of course, sheer joy immediately after, but after the cameras stopped rolling and Chris instructed them all to head to bed, panic took its place. Courtney knew she was a target from her fellow teammates — Heather probably wanted to chop all her hair off for flirting with her dear Alejandro; Courtney almost wished the two would get together and save Courtney the heartbreak she’d have to face that there was no one left for her. Duncan would of course crave Courtney’s elimination, and Alejandro and Sierra would probably agree to anything so as long as it wasn’t them, or Cody, in Sierra’s case. Just about everything seemed to be going her way, wasn’t it? 

Courtney wasn’t even sure if she cared at this point. Should she? Of course, winning would be a great payment for everything she’s had to put up with on Total Drama, this season in particular, but at the same time, with Gwen officially out of the running, following her and going back home would feel even better. 

Home. Courtney hadn’t been there in ages, and at this point she wasn’t sure what she considered home to be. There was the pristine mansion she was raised in by her lawyer parents, and while that place might have looked like the front of a magazine cover, it felt like an empty ghost of a home. Not a single thing was out of place — not a throw pillow or piece of silverware. Her parents were either always at work, travelling for a case, or holed up in their respective offices; there was rarely “family time”. Courtney was fine with this, though; that’s just how things were for the Castillo family. 

There was Camp Wawanakwa, as evil and ironic as it was. For a few weeks, she lived with teenagers, not the reality stars they were now. When her friends from debate club sometimes dragged her to a rewatch of the first season, it was odd to see how different they were all back then, but at the same time, they really hadn’t changed at all. Though Courtney was unsure if she would ever step foot on that island ever again, it would always hold a place in her heart — good or bad? She hadn’t decided yet — for the beginning of whatever her life was now. 

Her apartment was an option, as well. It wasn’t as much home as just the place she so happened to live in. No emotional attachment whatsoever; some boxes were still stacked in a spare coat closet, all neatly labeled in a thick Sharpie. It wasn’t that Courtney was disorganized or lazy, more like there was no use in unpacking all of her belongings in a temporary home. She moved out of her parents’ mansion as college crept closer and closer, and she hadn’t lived with her parents since last summer. 

That summer felt alien at this point, looking at old photographs that were neatly organized on her cellphone. She remembered her family went on a month-long vacation in Europe, and Duncan had come to pick her up from the airport, much to her parents’ displeasure. The Castillos and Duncan did not get along, but tried to be civil for Courtney’s sake — they knew how much it could upset her when they were constantly at odds. Being civil was nowhere easy for either parties, but seeing Courtney’s happiness and hope that there was just maybe a hope that she and Duncan would be able to have a future together made it worth it.

However, seeing his arm around her waist with easy smiles on both of their lips made Courtney’s stomach lurch, just knowing what he would do a little more than a year later. It brought back too many memories that were painful to recall, and came all at once with no warning, much like a band-aid being harshly torn off the surface of a child’s knee.

That day it had been raining all afternoon, and there was still a slight drizzle and mist in the air when Courtney’s family had landed. Duncan was there, at the pickup area, with brunch for herself and her entire family from some local cafe — as much as he would deny it, deep down she just knew he was a sweetheart — and as soon as he could, he wrapped his arms around Courtney, which Courtney had gladly returned. 

The smell of rose and cigarettes, a smell that had become the twisted combination of the aromas surrounding Courtney and Duncan, filled Courtney’s nose, and she couldn’t help but bask in how glorious it felt, to simply be embraced by Duncan. No bickering, no making out, just a simple sign of affection was all it took for Courtney to feel at peace. They were so close, she could’ve swore she could feel the faint beat of his heart underneath his t-shirt.

It was such a quick, and rather insignificant moment, of their relationship, that Courtney couldn’t figure out, for the life of her, why it stuck with her. Maybe because it was insignificant in the long run it was so cherishable to her — a quick, stolen moment of sweet nothings that was caught in the middle of the timeline of her rather messy and confusing relationship with Duncan. 

Did Duncan still remember that July ninth? Probably not. Realistically, not. In fact, he was probably busy daydreaming making out with his new girlfriend in another all new spot on Gwen’s neck that made them feel something new that they never felt with Trent or Courtney. Not at all reminiscing on Courtney unwillingly falling in love with Duncan that July ninth in front of her parents, not at all remembering the imprint he left on her heart (though it did give her a sense of satisfaction that all Duncan could do was wish, as Courtney could gladly say she heard Gwen’s shrieks of terror as she plummeted towards the Earth at a rapid pace with a broken parachute).

Feeling a sudden chill in the air, Courtney runs her hands up and down her upper arms. As much as she hated him for it, she could still feel Duncan’s arms wrapping themselves around her, and she felt less colder. 

She doubted Duncan remembered the smell of lingering rain on the pavement that July ninth, or the hand squeeze and smile she gave him, or her parents finally warming up to him when he remembered their favorite brunch meal. 

She doubted he would even want to remember any of it.

But now I’ll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don’t know how to be something you missed

Never thought we’d have a last kiss

Never imagined we’d end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Courtney wasn’t sure what to feel; upset? Angered? Humiliated? Robbed of winning, yet again? Maybe even a little relieved? They were all emotions she had felt before on the previous times she had been eliminated from Total Drama, but considering the circumstances... Courtney decided a combination of all would be the most appropriate. 

She was upset she allowed herself to cheat for Alejandro, who she was only really using to spite Duncan (not like Duncan had even batted an eye, which admittedly really stung), and she was fully aware Alejandro didn’t return her feelings, but God, she hadn’t felt any joy in what felt like ages, maybe she felt Alejandro would, what, reward her? All she got was a kiss after she freshened up, and it wasn’t even that good to begin with — too much tongue for her liking. 

Duncan knew how to kiss me just right. Crossed her mind, but as soon as it surfaces, she shoves it far, far down.

And she was angry, so angry that she had allowed herself to be used and manipulated, on International TV no less! She looked like exactly what she was, and she did not like it in any way, whatsoever — weak. And with that, humiliation; being cheated on, blanked, used and then sent packing with that trashy, gossip-craving Blaineley of all people was such a huge hit to her pride, Courtney was unsure if her pride would ever be able to recover, even five years from now. God, that was pathetic, the thought of still being sensitive to her Total Drama World Tour experience as a full-on adult. Definition of embarrassing. Her ego was massively bruised, and had taken such a fall that Courtney was sure she would never allow herself to get close to anyone ever again. Was it selfish? Maybe. But a businesswoman has to do what she has to do to be successful and strong, and if that meant ghosting everyone and plunging herself into her work — so be it. 

However... a small, incredibly fragile fraction of herself was so relieved. Of course, she wanted to win, to show to her ex-friend and boyfriend she was more than capable of destroying them, but she had already endured so much humiliation during that season that she felt her shoulders relax a little rather than tense up before she jumped off the plane. Though the cameras didn’t show it, Courtney found herself smiling like a lunatic — like Izzy, as she had now come to realize, not that she enjoyed acknowledging it one bit — as she dived off the jet, finally free from Chris, the cameras and most of all, Duncan. 

But now that she was back at her bleak apartment, she realized that cruelly ironically enough that he was more present in her own dorm even when he was across the world, with no thought or emotion to spare in her direction. The couch reeked of him, where he had spent New Years’ Eve and where they ended up falling asleep at 4 in the morning; the coffee table underneath her bare fingers felt like him, where an engraving of D+C was proudly displayed on the corner; the fridge seemed to still have him traced all over it, where she and Duncan had a huge argument in front of before he had slipped out the words “I love you” for the first time, and even the coat racket was imprinted with Duncan, where one of his jackets still hung, firm from months of not being used. Though a part of her wanted to reach out for it and wrap it around herself for some source of comfort, Courtney knew she shouldn’t — she couldn’t. But... 

It was ridiculous. A stupid, humiliating and reckless idea that would take the mere shreds left of her ego, dignity and pride and bury them six feet under. But right now, nobody would know... there was no paparazzi or roommate around to expose her, and she did feel awfully cold....

Grabbing the collar of the jacket, Courtney wrapped it around her shoulders and (shamefully, she couldn’t believe she was allowing her pride to stoop even lower than it already had) dashed in her pristine bedroom and immediately opened one of her drawers; Duncan’s drawer, which was filled with even more memories, both good and bad. To be fair, they were once all good, but now they left a sour sting on Courtney’s tongue. She tore through the drawer, before fixating on one item and pulling it out — one of Duncan’s many copies of his infamous skull t-shirt.

Without even meaning to, Courtney found herself crumbling like a piece of wet gingerbread. How pathetic are you? She mentally scolded herself, but at that moment she found herself realizing she simply didn’t care. After a lifetime of being as cold and emotionless as she could be, a boy of all things is what broke her down. After being rid of Total Drama — for now, Courtney had to remind herself — and the travel, the cameras and the clothes, and now just in her pajamas and dreadfully Duncan’s jacket, Courtney couldn’t help but unleash the full power of the sobs that had been building up in Courtney since the breakup. 

How was she going to get past this? Would she always be remembered as the bitch that a criminal cheated on on TV? What about her future? Would this all affect her chances in office? How could her ego possibly come back from this? Most of all, how would she cope knowing that Duncan, the nuisance criminal she’s despised for around two or three years, was gone for good and was never, ever coming back, no matter how much Courtney craved for it? 

Would Duncan even miss her? Would he ever, someday in the future, when things with Gwen were rocky? Would he remember Courtney, and think of her as something he missed? Was that even a title Courtney had the chance of claiming?

Courtney craved Duncan. She wanted his presence in her apartment, she wanted his arms around her, his lips pressed on her own; she hadn’t, didn’t and probably would never have wanted a last kiss, and knowing that they were as good as done with no chance of having another stolen kiss — it was too much. How could she have let them end like this?

“D... Duncan,” The name forces itself out of Courtney’s throat and through her lips, crumpling his shirt in her hands and bringing her knees to the ground, where she continues to sob. Tossing one more item from the drawer — the wooden skull, with D+C engraved on it, looking as new as it did years ago — she hurls it at the mirror in the corner of her room, its impact cracking the glass. 

Maybe in the morning Courtney would care, but at that moment, all she wanted was to be comforted by the one person who couldn’t, wouldn’t and would never comfort her ever again. All she knew was that she would never stop craving Duncan, no matter who was by her side or made her smile and laugh and shower her with kisses — the whole time she would be wishing it was Duncan instead, sharing a kiss that would be far from their last. 

I do remember

The swing in your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

Because I love your handshake

Meetin’ my father

I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets

How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something

There’s not a day that I don’t miss those rude interruptions

Courtney despised the nights that followed post-World Tour elimination; they were filled with nightmares of happier times that mocked Courtney, nightmares that were dressed like perfect, safe and welcoming dreams. Nightmares that felt like incredible dreams at first, until Courtney woke up and remembered how alone she truly was. 

That night it was a random, and rather insignificant, memory of a wild party that Duncan had dragged her to. It was hosted by the cousin of a friend of Geoff’s friend, and of course Geoff and Duncan insisted that Bridgette, Courtney and DJ to come with, as much as Courtney was opposed to the idea. Duncan always made impacts, for lack of better word, on the guests, that would usually result in him adding a hundred followers to his Instagram, starting a riot and Courtney having to bail him out of jail or being kicked out by the host; it was a gamble each time. 

That night, Duncan had chosen to boast in front of a group of guests on all the laws he had broken and tattoos he had gotten — just Duncan’s usual load of shit. 

Courtney had rolled her eyes and sneered in disgust — just Courtney’s typical reaction to said load of shit. “God, Duncan, those tattoos are disgusting, I don’t see how you put up with them,” She had scowled. Duncan shrugged and wrapped his arm around her, leaning into Courtney, intently watching her incredibly dark and hypnotizing (at least, they were to him) eyes widen in surprise. 

“You’re just no fun,” Duncan lamely insulted, poking his tongue out at her and showcasing his tongue piercing that made Courtney’s nose scrunch up.

“I am plenty of fun!” Courtney snapped.

“Really? Prove it,” Duncan challenged, jerking his head toward the dance floor. Courtney gave him a withering glare that would have turned anyone else to a mere pile of dust, before gripping his wrist and dragging her with him, determined to prove him wrong. Unbeknownst to her, he was grinning like an enamored puppy behind her. 

As a slow song came on, Courtney wrapped her arms around Duncan’s neck while her wrapped his around her waist as they slowly swayed around to the beat of the song. Just as Duncan dipped her down, and Courtney felt a glamorous sensation as they both leaned toward each other and —

— suddenly, Duncan impaled a hook through Courtney (that looked all too familiar to the one he had spooked her with a long time ago) that Courtney hadn’t even noticed he had, before dropping her on the dance floor, her white dress staining with red blood like wine, as everyone else continued dancing to the romantic melody, paying no glance to Courtney.

She felt light headed while her eyelids felt like three tons, and as she fell on her knees, hunched over from the wound, she couldn’t help but notice as her eyes began to flutter shut no one spared a glance at her way; not even Duncan, who was back with his friends, showcasing the book like it was a trophy. As Courtney knew she was breathing her last breath, Duncan glanced her way and gave a crooked smirk, his eyes flashing hot with satisfaction at her pain. The ocean blue in his eyes had become a ferocious storm.

Courtney had jarred awake, hot, sweaty, emotional and desperate with the time of 2:34 staring back at her from her alarm clock. Courtney sighed with relief upon the realization it was just another nightmare about her ex-boyfriend, one that was rather cheesy anyway — what she would give to not be haunted by him as she still was. Unfortunately, as much as she hated the fact, she knew he still roamed her consciousness, subconsciousness and unconsciousness because of the fact she still loved him, even after everything, and a fraction of that love would probably live on for years to come until Courtney was on her deathbed.

With that comforting thought, Courtney groaned and turned away from her clock and towards the wall, studying the plaster like her life depended on it; anything to get her away from the angry electric blue that followed her even when her eyes were sealed shut.

It was plain annoying how she knew that she still loved Duncan, no matter how many times she was forced to re-live the brutal truth that he no longer loved her whenever she came face-to-face with a tabloid at the checkout line when she would occasionally get groceries, or search his name on the Internet to see how he was coping; maybe Courtney couldn’t face the truth, couldn’t face that maybe she was no longer in love with Duncan but instead with the memories of him that were scattered about her life.

It felt odd going to her parents’ and not having to deal with her father staring Duncan down, and for Duncan to stare right back, passive-aggressively. Not to watch both men clench each other’s hands firmly while looking at the other dead in the eye when Courtney introduced them. Now whenever she went to her parents’, all she felt was the sore reminder that in the end, the Castillos were right — Duncan was nothing but trouble and pain in the end.

It was painful going to the mall without Duncan to lean on, or his hand to clutch as they would lazily walk around the shops. Or how Courtney no longer had to unfold each of Duncan’s clothes from being inside-out in the laundry or hand a mountain of objects found in Duncan’s pockets to him before stuffing his pants in the washer. Duncan used to (or maybe he still did, Courtney would have no idea,) stuff anything and everything he possibly could into his pockets — keys, empty wrappers of gum, cigarettes or small things he’d pick pocketed, even spare change (though Courtney used to mock him for still carrying pennies around — who does that? She’d tease).

“That’s what you get for always walking with your hands in your pockets,” Courtney used to barate. “Someday, you’re going to end up washing your wallet if it isn’t for me,”

“Yeah, well, you’ll always be here, so that’s not a concern,” Duncan had winked back.

All Courtney could do now was scowl at how that had aged.

Hell, Courtney found herself missing their arguments — mostly over the small and rather unimportant things, they were ironically some of her fondest memories. Half the time their arguments would end up with the two making out after Duncan had silenced her with a kiss, and Courtney was now well-aware no one would ever interrupt her in such a way ever again.

Duncan was the only person who Courtney would allow to interrupt her, though now he wouldn’t want to even listen to her, let alone care enough to plant a kiss on her lips when she was in the middle of talking. Courtney had never wanted someone to interrupt her more than she wanted Duncan to.

And I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep

And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are

Hope it's nice where you are

( TIME JUMP: 4 Months after TDAS )

Two months after coming home, Courtney found herself slowly healing from the damage that Duncan had caused on her heart. Two more months after that, Courtney found herself genuinely able to smile after that without the desire for Duncan and Gwen to be by her side; a year after that, Total Drama All Stars has been done for four months and Courtney lived day-to-day life without thinking of either Duncan or Gwen.

Courtney had been laying low for that time; obnoxious, gossip-hungry tabloids had asked for a “statement” from her whenever Gwen or Duncan or one of her ex-contestants found themselves on a headline, but Courtney shot them down every time — her ego might have taken a huge hit from World Tour and that episode from All Stars, but she wasn’t desperate enough to willingly make an appearance and be interviewed by Celebrity Manhunt.

The questions for “statements” seemed to blur over time; do you have any words of advice for Heather, who suspects Alejandro of cheating? Have you heard Trent’s new single? Rumor has it it’s about Gwen and Duncan! Speaking of Gwen and Duncan, if they were reading this, what would you say to them?

It was an endless and rather tiring cycle of the paparazzi trying to lure a reaction out of her, which Courtney refused to give into.

However, one day as Courtney was loading her groceries on a conveyor belt at the local grocery store, a headline from a tabloid caught her eye. All Courtney read were the words Totally Dramatic, and Courtney knew she should look away — they were the same magazine that publicly called Courtney a bitch a few months ago, which she would never forget. Though she had self-control in public, she found that at 11PM on a Friday night she had little to no self-control and found herself pulling open her laptop and typing Totally Dramatic in the search bar on Safari.

Almost immediately, the faces of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend take over her screen, with the text underneath that’s all too hard to miss — Gwuncan Engagement Rumors Confirmed!?

Courtney could feel her the pit of her stomach drop and her heart shatter as it crashed to the ground below her.

It wasn’t that she missed Duncan — she didn’t! It was just that she so good at her job of avoiding Gwen and Duncan’s names like the plague she was blissfully unaware that they had gotten back together.

She would be lying if Courtney said she hadn’t thought of reaching out to Gwen — and shamefully, it would be a lie if Courtney swore she never considered sending a drunk text to Duncan (thankfully, she never had; it was a nightmare just thinking of the embarrassment that would cause) — but always decided against it because of three reasonings; there was no way either would want to hear from her, they hated her guts and Courtney would never allow her dignity to stoop as low as it had during the third season ever again.

But now — now Courtney was sure she would never reach out. Not even a quick Congratulations! text, not a gift basket, not even show up to Gwen’s bachelorette party if she felt bold enough. Courtney was positive that she was reduced to the stalking ex, browsing through both of their Instagrams, watching them mature and fall back in love through their own photographs. It was... strange, to say the least.

What was this feeling that was erupting inside her? It wasn’t jealousy, she had gotten over Duncan months ago, but it wasn’t sadness, resentment or anger, either. It was like the feeling of realizing that, as ironically and unbelievable as it was, the two had grown up without Courtney, and all she could do was watch from a distance. Watch them slowly move on from their memories of Courtney — both bad and good — until the mention of her left both indifferent; Courtney was almost positive that being hated by the two would be less painful than knowing that at one point, they were the closest and best people in her life and now they couldn’t care less on how Courtney was.

Courtney used to watch Gwen paint and draw with such concentration that she was sure she would be held accountable for messing her art up if she just so much as breathed too loudly. The furrow between her brows would deepen and the stormy gray of her eyes would be clouded over with concentration and care, and Courtney found herself wishing that she was as passionate about something as Gwen was of her art. Sure, she had her studies in law, but Gwen’s skills — they were truly beautiful. She used to watch Gwen’s head very thrown back a little when she laughed a little too hard, and how tears would leak from the corner of her eyes from laughter so easily. Or how whenever Gwen dyed her hair again, she would unintentionally run her fingers through it all of the time, leaving Courtney wandering just how soft her hair could possibly be with her double-conditioning. But now she would witness all of Gwen’s happiness through her phone’s screen when she would look up her name on Instagram.

Courtney also used to watch Duncan do so many miscellaneous things that it would be impossible to list them all; like how his eyes would glint with joy whenever he would successfully break a law, a small shot of success and pride to keep him going. Or how, as much as he stated he hated them, always showing great amounts of concern when his friends or family were stressed and immediately began brainstorming how to make them feel better. Or how no matter how tough he pretended to be, when he slept, he just looked so peaceful that it was impossible to find yourself able to avoid falling for him. But now all she’d be seeing of him was his face plastered on a tabloid, probably with his arms around Gwen’s waist.

Maybe she was being overdramatic, but it really was ironic how at one point, she had held them both so close she could feel them breathe but now all she felt was herself slowly becoming more and more insignificant to the two of them, until she was nothing more than just a blurry memory and a face that was hard to recall among others.

Someday in the future, she could already picture herself casually asking Bridgette how Duncan was, since he was still friends with Geoff and DJ, afterall — what would she be expecting? For him to be struggling to make a living and pay rent? For Duncan to be unhappy with his life and relationship? For Gwen and Duncan to experience as much pain as they inflicted on her?

Deep down, she knew the real answer; no matter how many times they’d backstab the other, Courtney just wanted Gwen and Duncan to have the best, even if it killed her to admit it.

A small part of her couldn’t help but wonder if they felt the same about her, too.

And I hope the sun shines

And it's a beautiful day

And something reminds you

You wish you had stayed

You can plan for a change in weather and time

But I never planned on you changing your mind

Maybe one day Duncan would look back on their relationship like Courtney had been doing for months — or maybe, a small part of her hoped, he had been.

All Courtney could hope for was that someday in the future, when Courtney had found peace and Gwen and Duncan were happily moving on to whatever chapter of their lives lied ahead of them, something small would catch Duncan’s eye — a picture of her on the news, a box that reeked of memories of her, even the mere mention of her name — would send him back in time to when they were sixteen and still in love and clueless to the cruel world around them, and maybe a small part of him that he thought died when he was a teenager would blossom again with the wish that he had stayed; they would always be their own biggest what-ifs.

Courtney had planned anything and everything in her life ahead of time; one thing she hadn’t ever expected? Duncan to give up on her and leave her with a last kiss while she still craved for more. And while he had moved on, Courtney was stuck in the past, but that was okay — if he could move on, so could she, and her while that may take time, she was fully prepared to wait it out; she may have been painted as the villain of the story, but she also deserved her happily ever after.

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is that

I don’t know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

Just like our last kiss

Forever the name on my lips

Forever the name on my lips

Just like our last

[lucifer-kane]

Finally my side of this whole KFAM debacle

I’ve never had to write something like this before, so here we go. I know that there have been other people who have said things on this topic, people who I’m very grateful towards in all of this, who have come forward in this… strange time. I feel like I finally can say something after freaking out for a few days and talking with others as well online who are on this side of it all. But I feel like I finally need to say something as…. Probably the person who really started it all, I guess? As the one who made the post saying “Me casting death of the author onto kfam” Because I was finally fed up with just everything I had learned over the last year + of talking about criticisms in the show and of the creators/writers. I spent months talking to others on at least two different servers about all of this, from learning it myself, to being here in this position of what’s currently going on.

A lot started a few months ago in the Official Server, when a graphic artist posted an edit of a character of the show in BDSM gear, which, automatically, is NSFW. Some had issues and said that it got taken down, then a few hours later uploaded it once more with a spoiler cover over it. Friday morning, it happened again, this time with a group shot, but he was still there. Now. I don’t think I would have issues with this if it was posted on a server with specific channels for 18+ members of it only. But it wasn’t, and this server is a SFW only, but apparently “canon compliant” NSFW is a-okay. Which, I think is utterly ridiculous, because minors are still in there, and that should not be allowed. If you’re going to allow that stuff, at least have designated channels where only 18+ members can opt in to see that sort of thing. You can’t have both.

Two people called this out, one directly sending an @ to the mods in said server, and it was a little bit before a response happened, then two other messages were taken down, the message with the @ left in it. Kyle had also retweeted the art on twitter, and while I don’t think that was such a bad thing, his response to at least adding a warning that it was NSFW, was pretty unprofessional. The person who asked Kyle to say as such, was bullied by both Kyle and Trent on twitter as well.

Now, onto my DotA post once more. After posting that I had a few hours of chillness, up until in the middle of a call with friends, I looked over to my discord list of servers I was in, and the Official was no longer there. I panicked, left the call, and cried for a long time about it, because despite my criticism, I loved being there! I told my friends on this server, where the criticism was most of the time, and there was a few hour period of questioning what the hell was going on. It was late at night, and everyone was confused. No one would give reasoning to what was going on. Until I was vagued to have been a problem for a long time.

Now, it may have been my bluntness when it comes to text, bc you know, autism! But I don't think I've ever done anything that would warrant people to be uncomfortable, other than criticize the show (and the server at times) on my personal tumblr (twitter on occasion). Which I can see as being upset about that, but I was way too damn scared to PM a mod to talk about what was going on, because at this point, it was very obvious they hated me. I didn’t like that they never came to talk, like a civilized person, about all this. I don't want to make people uncomfortable, that's the last goddamn thing I wanna do in this world.

Now, we’re here. A few days after everything went down, to what I feel like was a simple miscommunication, I would never wish death on someone at all, that’s disgusting behavior and I don’t like that Kyle even vagued that I did such a thing. I have never interacted with him at all, even when he would come and talk on the server. I actively tried to avoid interactions with the creators because I’m not a fan of creators being this close to their fanbase, where people have actively said it makes them uncomfortable.

I love this podcast a lot, for the first year I praised it like others did as well, but then, I read some things about Kyle, and then some of the things in the show. We all know those things, the Hellen Keller episode, how Lily is written, Jacob in his whole character, and the racism in Walt. But I started being critical on main, voicing my thoughts and concerns. Because criticism is an okay thing, it helps artists grow in the things they do. And I understand not liking criticism, I don’t like it sometimes, but sometimes it’s needed, to move your art forward. Kyle’s reaction to criticism is that of a man who doesn’t have thick skin and doesn’t wanna be proven wrong in the things he does.

As of now, because of all this, I’ve been blocked from the KFAM twitter, Kyle himself, and I think the tumblr as well (Or at least they’ve unfollowed me, I don’t care enough to check on there). And I’ve seen my friends get bullied by the creator of this show, and even members of the community. While at a lesser scale than Kyle, it’s still gross to see the fanbase act like this, especially acting like my friends and I are actively bullying them, when we just wanted one piece of art to be taken down from a space that, in all reality, has a lot of minors in it.

And finally, I just wanna talk about the server in general. I joined maybe six months after getting into the show, we were pretty far into the first hiatus at this point and I wanted more content, so, I finally beat my discord anxiety down and joined. And I had so much fun! I talked to people who I still think about, posted art, fics, did headcanons all the time. I talked in there quite a bit up until I got kicked. But the overall vibe of the discord after being there longer than a month, was not the greatest. And it took me longer than average to notice, shortly before posting public criticisms. This was when I started getting ignored more often than not, and not that everyone did that, I still had people talk to me, which was nice. But as time went on, this happened more and more, to more and more people.

People who saw my criticisms, and came to me, mostly anonymously, to say they felt the exact same way. And that’s… not a good thing. The whole “Only happy things, no negativity about the show!” attitude that is in there, is bad. You can’t criticize something you love, and if you do, you’re dogpiled onto until you shut up. This has happened to many people, not just me. There’s times where queer members of this community, will talk about themseles as some lgbt+/queer fans do. Saying things along the line of “___ is gay culture!” or “I think [x] is trans!!” and they’ll either get ignored (in the latter case) or just someone won't get the first one is a joke and get upset. Which, I can see if you’re new to a place where people say that, but don’t outright shut someone down like that, ask what it means. That goes for anything.

I enjoyed my time there, and I was super upset when I found myself kicked, distraught even. Then they started kicking more people without even a word which isn’t how you run a server, no one should get an instant ban without being talked to, and I think I would be less upset if I had been talked to, to at least tell my side. But no, I got this, and here we are. With multiple testimonies that aren’t my own, telling how horrible that server is towards some people who they don’t like, who speak out, who say “Hey maybe we should do [x].” And that’s… Not the safe environment they say they have, because I, among many others. Was also super uncomfortable when it came to some things in there.

As a queer member of this community, I, and others like me, felt ignored. Ignored in the criticism of their queer characters who were written by non-queer men, and then, as stated above. Upset at literally everything else that wasn’t good in their show. But now, we’re being painted as the villains in a way, being bullied by the creator, and others acting like nothing is going wrong. But that’s all I have to say, if prompted, I will talk more on any subject here.

I’m not angry, I never once was. At this point I find more saddened amusement in all of this, rather than anger. But. That is all, thank you for your time on this subject.

[dweemeister]

Soul (2020)

2020 dashed the best-laid plans, disrupted dreams, and brought disease. For almost one full year now, COVID-19 has upended society the world over, and taken the lives of almost two million as of the publication of this review. The pandemic, as contemporary readers may notice, has taken its toll on the film industry too. If you are reading this in the distant future, Soul is the first film that I have written in which its release date was delayed and its distribution altered because of the pandemic (from June 19 to Christmas). Pete Docter’s first directorial effort since becoming the chief creative officer of Pixar is part of a phenomenon which may or may not last past the pandemic. Soul, like a few other high-profile releases in 2020 and early 2021, debuted simultaneously in reduced-capacity theaters and streaming, via Disney+. The film itself is middling Pixar. But given the studio’s high quality – albeit sullied over the last decade with underwhelming sequels and glaring missteps from some non-sequels – it is still something worth celebrating.

Joe Gardner (voiced by Jamie Foxx) works part-time as a middle school music teacher in New York City, but quietly harbors dreams of pursuing his dream of becoming a jazz pianist. Taking an opportunity to audition for professional jazz saxophonist Dorothea Williams (Angela Bassett), Joe receives an offer to play with Dorothea’s band. Ecstatic, speaking giddily on his cell phone on the musical adventure that awaits that evening, Joe has forgotten to look wherever the hell he is walking. As a result, he falls down a manhole, Looney Tunes-style. He awakens as a fluorescent blue-green blob, his soul on a stairway to heaven. No, not yet, Joe says. He runs backwards, but ends up in the “Great Before” – a place where unborn souls are endowed the traits (in the form of a badge) that will direct, but not predestine, the course of their lives. In a case of mistaken identity, the Great Before’s leaders assign Joe to 22 (Tina Fey) as her counselor. 22 has been stuck in the Great Before for eons, fostering a cynical view of human existence that has confounded her previous counselors (“You can’t crush a soul here. That’s what life on Earth is for.”). If you are asking whether or not Joe will be the one that shows 22 life’s beauty, you clearly have never seen a Pixar movie before.

The English-language film’s voice cast also includes Graham Norton as a sign twirler extraordinaire, Rachel House, Alice Braga, Richard Ayoade, Donnell Rawlings, Questlove, and Daveed Diggs. Veteran actress Phylicia Rashad plays Joe’s mother (who disapproves of his dreams of playing jazz professionally). This is the first Pixar movie without a character voiced by John Ratzenberger.

22 and Joe will prematurely escape to Earth, but the plot is unnecessarily complicated by a body swap and a tired trope of modern animated features: a non-white character accidentally spending more than half the film in the body of an animal. The Emperor’s New Groove (2000) and The Princess and the Frog (2009) are among the highest-profile examples of the trope. Like Cuzco and Tiana in those past films, Joe is not white – and, automatically, is someone the likes of whom has very little history of starring in a mainstream American animated feature. To see him lose his bodily agency for almost the entirety of the film is frustrating. The screenwriting team (Docter, Mike Jones, and Kemp Powers) declines to explore Joe’s racial identity, instead favoring the hero’s journey (Pixar has never deviated from this template, but that has not prevented them from making great films) and the predictable pratfalls often present in Pixar’s movies. Soul’s body-swapping comedy not only brushes away any such exploration of racial identity, but relegates the film’s jazz (an African-American creation) as ornamentation, overcomplicates the narrative structure, and interferes with its messaging. None of these issues existed in Coco (2017) – an unabashedly Mexican glimpse into the culture surrounding Día de Los Muertos and Mexican regional folk music all while retaining its primary themes.

Soul shares the introspective spirit of Docter’s previous film, Inside Out (2015). The lack of external adversity in both films allow us to better understand the passions of the main character. Joe’s conflict stirs from within – his dreams and expectations against practicality and unexpected realities. More prevalent than in Inside Out, Soul’s moments without dialogue poignantly depict those contradictions and unmitigated thrills. In Joe’s case, his near-total dedication to jazz is celebrated – never excessively mocked by 22 or any other character. But his passion, the film says (and as revealed through 22’s temporary occupation of his body), cannot alone quench the fullest expression of his humanity. The film is at its best in two types of contradictory moments. The first type occurs while Joe is playing his piano; the other appears when the film stops for several seconds to admire a minor detail, overlooked by everyone passing by except 22, along New York’s streets. In the latter, the film is allowed to take a breath, allowing just the ambient noise to play in the sound mix – the rustling foliage in the wind, the light traffic of one-way streets, the whoosh of passing subway cars. It is the closest Pixar has ever come to refuting Alfred Hitchcock’s flawed, oft-quoted statement that the movies are, “like life with the dull bits cut out.” For it is in some of life’s mundanities that 22 sees life as worth living. It is life’s mundanities that lie at the heart of Soul’s most powerful moments.

With the assistance of a legion of cultural consultants, Soul is, in spurts, a casual, intentionally unremarkable foray into New York’s black community and a faithful depiction of jazz performance. Animation history has long caricatured black roles in various ways, so the Pixar animators took pains to faithfully render hairstyles and varying skin tones to highlight the diversity of appearance in African-American communities. Many reviews of Soul will justly extol the background art, but plaudits must also go to the character design of the numerous African-American supporting figures across the entire film. It endows the film with an authentic vitality that I cannot envision happening in a film released by a studio concentrating on CGI animated features. A short scene to a barbershop underlines this laudable attention.

As a pianist and violinist, one of my personal pet peeves while watching movies is when an actor is fake-playing an instrument – it can be comically, pathetically obvious. I am certainly not the only one, as I’m sure some orch dorks, band geeks, and other instrumentalists might attest. Animated movies are not spared our eyes and ears. Soul, however, represents a glorious break from expectation. In a film already boasting photorealistic backgrounds and uncanny lighting effects, Joe’s piano playing is some of the most “realistic” I have seen in an animated film. His posture and muscular movement made me forget, momentarily, I was watching an animated movie. Perfectly rendered, too, are his fingering patterns (for the sake of consistent character design, Joe has elongated fingers). This musical accuracy extends to all other musicians in the film, too. It is glorious to behold as a musician. Soul could easily have cracked jokes at the expense of Joe’s passion. That the film affirms his love for jazz, all while tempering his desires (through 22, his mother, and other factors), is a high-wire balancing act that triumphs.

Soul’s score is split in two: Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross of Nine Inch Nails fame (2010’s The Social Network, 2020’s Mank) compose for the scenes in the Great Before and jazz pianist Jon Batiste composes for the scenes in New York. Anyone who has read in my past reviews about my thoughts about film music are probably guessing that I dislike Reznor and Ross’ compositions for film. They would be correct. So far in their nascent film scoring careers, Reznor and Ross’ ominous synths for David Fincher’s movies sound too much like background droning, minimalist aural wallpaper. Their scores – all texture and little else – have no life outside the contexts of the movies they appear in. In Soul, Reznor and Ross develop a soothing synth sound that is some of their most melodic film music yet. It sounds like Jerry Martin’s music for the less interesting moments from the early Sims and SimCity soundtracks. Still, the score – even in its best moments, such as the lustrous cue “Epiphany” – suits the portions of the film it appears in. Perhaps Reznor and Ross are finally making progress towards understanding how melodic structure can dramatically reshape a film’s drama.

Down on Earth, Soul plays the music of Jon Batiste, perhaps best known as the bandleader of his band Stay Human on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Not all of Stay Human’s members were selected to perform for the score, as Batiste chose a handful of musicians from outside his band. The jazz score is mostly original, but includes variations on four pre-existing songs: “Space Maker” (Walter Norris), “Cristo Redentor” (Duke Pearson), “I Let a Song Go Out of My Heart” (Duke Ellington), and “Blue Rondo à la Turk" (Dave Brubeck). Batiste’s jazz influences are too many to name for a review not solely dedicated to the score, but suffice it to say that Batiste intended his part of the film score to serve as a soft introduction to viewers who might not be accustomed to jazz. In this half, Batiste captures the bustle of New York City with his signature floating piano solos. Backed by tremendous saxophone lines, percussion, and double bass, this is a decidedly acoustic affair in marked contrast to the music of Reznor and Ross. The musical contrast is profound, easing the viewer into Soul’s occasionally chaotic narrative structure. By film’s end, though, despite Batiste’s end titles cover of The Impressions’ “It’s All Right” (a wise selection in no small part due to its lyrics), I wanted more from the jazz half of the score and wished it was held greater prominence in the film. Am I unashamedly asking for someone to hire Jon Batiste and give him the freedom to compose an unconstrained jazz score? Of course!

In a year where straight-to-streaming movie releases have dominated the American film industry, Soul ranked third in viewership behind Thomas Kail’s live stage filming of Hamilton (2020) and Patty Jenkins’ Wonder Woman 1984 (2020). Has Pixar righted its inconsistent form apparent over the 2010s decade? Can they ever recover the alchemy that reeled off consecutive pop culture touchstones and wondrous films for fifteen years (1995’s Toy Story to 2010’s Toy Story 3, excluding Cars)? Soul might not be the fair winds needed to steer Pixar from its worst habits, and it is unfair to place such a burden on this film. That fifteen-year run might also never be matched again. For what Soul represents to Pixar’s rather monochromatic leadership and narrative groupthink, it is a fascinating step outside the familiar.

My rating: 8/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[umaficwriter]

(via https://open.spotify.com/playlist/33T75RgNKCVSUiWbLO3Q8k?si=iGcXxAwNTjewDrklPquKGw)

CROWEN GUIDE

This contains spoilers in case you haven’t watched the series ‘till season 10!

Hi folks! I started a Crowen Playlist Challenge months ago in hopes that it’d bring me some closure, bc I miss CROWEN so much, and they really made my day back then! So, I’ll leave below the link to the fics I’ve already written concerning this playlist.

This consists in a Spotify Playlist (you can listen to above). Some spngs really are on the TV Show and others are here because I feel like they speak volumes of Crowen feels! I’ll clarify that with every song!

Hope you like it! ;D

·       White Horse (Taylor Swift) – their first kiss S5E02 / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215103

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13475845/1/Now-Is-Too-Late-For-You-and-Your-White-Horse

 ·       Street Lights (Kanye West) – he shows her the vent and they kiss S5E10

·       Catch Me (Demi Lovato) – she ponders on opening up to Owen after all the Burke drama, and decides in favor.

·       King of My Heart (Taylor Swift) – after such time away from US, Owen found out his American Queen. He’s the one ruling her heart and her bed.

·       Winter Song (Sara Bareilles ft. Ingrid Michaelson) – she fids out he was engaged to Beth before, and how it ended. He tells her why he won’t go see his mom. “You see me, Cristina. See me.” S5E15

·       The Weight Of Us (Sanders Bohike) – they’re at the vent when she assures him that she can handle his PTSD S5E19

·       Salvation (Gabrielle Aplin) – she’s his salvation.

·       ocean eyes (Billie Eilish) – he’s letting her go, because he’s no good for her.  Take care now” / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22396456

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13485250/1/ocean-eyes

 ·       Broken (Lifehouse) – he’s falling apart, barely birthing without her.

·       You Found Me (The Fray) – lost and insecure they found each other again. He slep for the first time.

·       Call It What You Want (Taylor Swift) – George is dead, everything is a mess, but her baby is fit like a daydream, call it what you want to, she back with Owen for good. They love each other.

·       Poison & Wine (The Civil Wars) – she kisses him outside of the hospital at the end of their shift, after Teddy have told Owen she loves him. Cristina thanks him for bringing in Teddy unaware of his inside battle. S6E09

·       Your Side Now (Trent Dabbs) – “People do matter Cristina, I matter, we matter.” S6E12

·       Yours (Fay Wolf) – Cristina tells Owen about Burke. “I love you. I love you more than I loved Burke. I love you and today, when you asked me to ignore Teddy’s pager, you took something from me. And, I let you. And that will never happen again. S6E13

·       i hate u, i love u (gnash fr. Olivia O’Brien) – they break up again because “I don’t know” is not good enough for her and that’s all he has now. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22423150

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13486530/1/i-hate-u-i-love-u

 ·       Tell Me You Love Me (Demi Lovato) – she want to beg, like Meredith did all those years ago “Tell me you love me” she wants to say to him. She doesn’t.

·       Backed Into The Corner (Amy Stroup) – he asks her to marry him and shows her the ring. S7E01

·       I’m So In Love With You (Jill Andrews) – they have problems, but they’re just so in love…

·       You Are In Love (Taylor Swift) – the calm before the storm. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546747

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13492509/1/You-R-In-Love

 ·       Hold On (Chord Overstreet) – they go through the abortion, the cheating, he breaks into their bathroom. “I am crying because of a boy” she says laughing.

·       Youth (Daughter) – the song is playing when he leaves the house to go to the trailer. “You don’t even remember her name” S8E19

·       Falling (Harry Styles) – he’s broken. He sees her everyday and yet can’t have her.

·       The Heart Wants What It Wants (Selena Gomez) – she’s going to Mayo, but just can fathom get over her.

·       i love you (Billie Eilish) – she loves him, after the plane crashes that’s the only thing she’s sure of. Even though she doesn’t want to love him, she does endlessly.

·       False God (Taylor Swift) – she’s back from Cleveland and she wonders if they’re going to be okay. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22323283

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13481481/1/False-God

 ·       All Of Me (John Legend) – she break up with him because she sees he wants to have kids and even though, it’s hard on her, she leaves him. S9E24

·       To Be So Lonely (Harry Styles) – after the break up, she wants him to start dating other people.

·       Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart (Ariana Grande) – she sees him and Emma together and even though it hurts and all she wants is to have him back, she ignores her wishes and focus on her work.

·       Stone Cold (Demi Lovato) – she standing at the altar at Kepner’s failed wedding and she locks eyes with him. If his happiness is Emma, she’s happy for him.

·       All Though The Night (Sleeping At Last) – she goes to his trailer to congratulate him on moving in with Emma. After the wine they talk and they kiss, having sex in the process. S10E14

·       Afterglow (Taylor Swift) – he doesn’t want anyone else. He wants Cristina Yang.

·       Flicker (Naill Horan) – “Do you know who you are? Do you know what’s happened to you?”

·       Ruby Blue (Sleeping At Last) – she says goodbye from the OR gallery. S10E24

·       Lost Without You (Freya Riddings) – the pain in his eyes when she says goodbye. He’s lost without her. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561582

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13493201/1/Lost-Without-You

 ·       Against All Odds (Glee Cast version) – he dowels on letting her go.

·       Only You (Matthew Perryman Jones) – can he be harry living with her ghost?

·       In Case (Demi Lovato) – he’ll keep everything the same just in case she changes her mind and comes back to him. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259089

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13478127/1/In-Case

 ·       The Night We Met (Lord Huron) – sometimes he just wanted to got back in time, to the night the met, all those ears ago and make things right this time around.

·       Sad Beautiful Tragic (Taylor Swift) – their story was as beautiful as it was tragic. Their feelings were raw and the reality was cruel. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22884625

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13508809/1/What-A-Sad-Beautiful-Tragic-Love-Affair

 ·       I Never Told You (Colbie Caillat) – even miles apart they feel like they didn’t say everything they wanted to each other. She misses him, and he’s no different.

·       Throw Your Love Away (Little Big Town) – Owen can throw their love away, neither can give it back to her. / AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22665622

FFNET: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13498368/1/Throw-Your-Love-Away

 So, that’s pretty much everything (for now) I’ll edit the post as I’ll update the playlist and/or the fanfics!

Hope you liked! xx