#reality is disappointing sometimes 😔

[lowstakesvampires]

he hibernated for a while

[edgeray]

Ray! 🍅 anon here, I said I wasn't going to request but there's one idea I've been really, REALLY itching at.

So you know how you reblogged "cold nights" by beiibeii? Yeah about that... I think I cooked an angst idea of this on a related tangent? (If you choose to write this, ofc)

How about Mother!Reader who is faced with the same scenario of Arle neglecting them to the point that she loses hope in their relationship? Think of the angst when the children constantly remind their Father of important dates but she's away or somehow missing most of them because of work. To the point reader just implies for them to stop trying and accepts the fact that they married Arlecchino but is now simply the Knave's wife? Like even the children can see them losing hope which is why they sometimes lowkey plead with their Father to actually pay more attention to Mother. Mother marrying Father means that Mother is strong but behind their strong facade you can see their sadness! You can feel their loneliness! And their sense of isolation and sorrowful acceptance of their new reality. And Arle does not pick up on the subtle signs until it's Too Late. Like. Reader in the coffin Late.

And as the Knave's wife Reader does need to undertake missions like in "I am Fine in Your Arms" but because reader has lost so much hope in living a wife outside of being the Knave's wife, reader does not make an effort to return alive. The angst of the burial, maybe the children blaming their Father etc. The really young ones aside, I don't think they would be actively angry with their Father, just very, VERY, disappointed. HotH would lose its warmth for a while before Lyney, Lynette and Freminet try their best to build it back (but of course, it never becomes as warm as it used to be)

Whether or not you choose to give this one a happy ending is up to you, but on my end the only happy ending that I cooked up for them is that Arle wakes up in the next Samsara with all these memories of losing Reader and prevents the relationship from going South in the first place. (Bonus points if Reader also has the memories and compares it to how they were treated by Arle previously, makes a comparison, and goes "How I wish this were my Arle" without knowing that it actually IS their Arle, just acknowledging she fucked up BIG time and is now making heavy amends for it. and Arle Knows because of that look that Reader gives her, sorrow and joy in a complex blend.)

...I think by now you can tell that I'm an angst writer too HAHSHHSHA Nobody leaves my fics without getting a knife and I promise it's just for the plot (like we always say).

I've still been keeping up with your writings (Beauty and The Beast actually fits, holy-) (Someone send Siren!Arle a whole farmhouse of ham for her consumption please) and yes I agree that you've been pumping out bangers after bangers. (I mean. Given that, you probably can afford to be a little indulgent? If writing this much quality about your muse doesn't give you the OK to put your hands all over them, abs and all, what does?)

As always, prioritise your sanity and schedule first, stay well rested and hydrated!

Lost Warmth

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N -  Link to my momma's (@beiibeiii) piece right here. If I see you read this before reading the masterpiece I just linked, know that I am a very disappointed axolotl. 😔  Anyways, you might be able to tell just how long this has been sitting in my inbox… haha… my bad guys. T^T. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write more angst. :3 And thank you for the additional comments 🍅 anon. I do have quite a soft spot for siren! arle, seeing that she was my first request (and requested from my momma :3). Wanted this to be a little longer, but I do have to wake up earlier tomorrow, so this is what you get T^T. Hopefully it's still good. Content warnings / info - angst, character death (duh), reader is referred to as ‘Mother’ but is otherwise GN!, 1.4k words

Cold is a feeling you've long gotten used to. Cold is your husband's dismissal of your existence, with every interaction ending with her blunt words and back towards you, leaving you with a crumbling heart. Cold are the long nights as you anxiously wait for Arlecchino's appearance for a candlelit dinner you spent half the day preparing, only for her never to return until you fell to exhaustion on the couch, a flower bouquet that remains unreceived in your hands. Cold is the creeping loneliness in the late hours of the night, when you've finally grown tired of anticipating someone that will never come, and returned to bed alone. Cold is the way you shiver underneath the thickest of blankets, no one's body warmth to sink into, no one's softly whispered words into your ear to drift you to sleep. Cold is when instead of your husband, only dim stars, a bottle of liquor, and the tears that stream your face join you in bed.

When was the last time you had felt warmth? 

You recall when the Knave first started courting you, how gentlemanly she was for such a rumored cruel Harbinger. You were first just a caretaker of the House of the Hearth, this small orphanage which you quickly found to be home for you. You couldn't help but adore the endearing children, watching as you slowly became a staple in this family. Despite your best efforts of hiding it, Arlecchino noticed when you snuck in the occasional pastry or cake from the town's most lavious bakery for the children, out of your own paycheck as well. It was then, your husband admitted, when she first fell for you. It had taken her months of encouragement from her ‘pestering’ children before she asked you out, and it was impossible to not fall for her charm.

How could you not? Not when she held you like you were her world. Not when she viewed you higher than the Tsaritsa herself. Not when her touch was heavenly, her words silky and sweet. When she proposed to you, your heart leapt with levity, and you thought your life was perfect now. A warm house, fitted with warm parents, that was what you had had, you had never felt so content. 

Then came the long nights. Nights when she trudged home later than usual, where she fell asleep without a word but sunk into your arms still. Then she started forgetting, forgetting about the dates and birthdays, and anniversaries more and more. At first, you chalked it up to her demanding Harbinger duties, but as time grew and the excuses started to run out, the perfect life you knew was crumbling. 

You became aware of this two years after your marriage when you had been preparing dinner for the two of you once she arrived home, slow cooking a steak since the early hours of the morning. Just as you exited the kitchen, you heard some children surrounding your husband before she left for another Harbinger meeting, telling her that you had a surprise for her once she came home and how excited you were for her to enjoy a new recipe you created. Your heart swelled with hope and appreciation for your children, especially when Arlecchino promised she would return in time. 

You should have known better.

You ate your tear-ridden steak alone and went to bed, leaving the steak out for her for whenever she returned home. Just like how you fell asleep, you woke up without your husband's presence, and when you arrived at the kitchen, the meat and the note besides the plate were untouched. 

You tried to eat the cold steak for lunch as well. You threw it away at the first bite. That day, you gathered your children, pleading them not to ‘pester’ Father with more reminders, as she was very busy. All that you gained back from the children was pitied expressions, and the agony in your chest worsened. Your children could pity you, but your husband couldn't? Even with your husband's coldness, you still carried out your Mother role, if only for the children. You cannot deny that the children's antics helped you forget the ever-present void inside you, caused by Arlecchino. 

You never learned the reason for Arlecchino's behavior, why she had grown so cold towards you. Now, you suppose, you would never know.  

Red fills your hazy vision as you lay on the ground, your entire body aching and fatigued, desperate gasps for air while your heart pounds in your eardrums. Your side was sliced, and the crimson liquid quickly poured out of the wound while you tried to stop the bleeding, but to no avail. 

This is your end, you think to yourself as you weakly turn on your side, every nerve in your body protesting against the movement. Your bloodied hand comes into view, your engagement and wedding ring gleaming slightly underneath the blood. The rings bring your thoughts to Arlecchino–oh, how you imagine the common disappointment in her otherwise apathetic expression, disappointment at your mission's failure. Your eyes bubbled and blurred with tears, vivid memories of your wedding flashing through your mind. The wedding ring is beautiful, still polished with that bold scarlet, the same color of her eyes, the same eyes you could never stop drowning in.

Would she even know your absence? Would she ever acknowledge you, treat you properly like her partner even if you did return? You doubt it. Did you want to return a cold bed, to a husband that does not love you, to a house no longer warm? 

It's warm. 

Your body feels like fire courses through your veins as you feel inexplicably hot, yet it's a welcomed heat. It's the first time you've felt this, but it feels familiar, comforting, like a hearth, and you want nothing more than to surrender to it. It soothes your heartbeat and calms your breath, easing your body as if you were to sink into the most plush of beds, swallowed by the thickest of blankets. The warmth coils around you, wrapping you like a cozy embrace, evoking you to sleep. Your eyes flutter shutter, a faint smile plastered on your lips.

It feels just like Peruere's arms. 

— 

Arlecchino receives a letter addressed to her on the third day you've been sent on a mission. The contents make her drop the paper, and she rushes outside, without an additional word, leaving the House. 

The children do not see her until she returns late into the night, a body wrapped in cloth in her arms. Arlecchino raised her children to be smart, to be attentive, to be logical. Whose body it is, they realize with little difficulty. 

The children weep that night. Arlecchino does not. How can she, when her source of emotions is gone? 

The burial takes place soon afterwards. As your body is placed into the ground, Arlecchino can feel the weight of her children's stare on her back. The charged tension between her and the children is palpable without words. She cannot discern which of the two reactions cut deeper. The seething fury underneath the oppressive grief for the young ones, having to lose another parent, or the crushing dismay inhabited by the older ones, specifically the twins and Freminet. 

Their thoughts are clear, even when none of them speak out loud. 

How could you fail Mother?

The House of the Hearth no longer suits the orphanage's name, not with your missing presence. There is no warmth, no matter how much the trio tries to fuel a lost flame. Even with Arlecchin's pyro vision, it is futile.

Arlecchino stands before your gravestone, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in her hand, and she rests it beside the other bouquets by your grave. Six bouquets in total, for each day after your burial. 

“For all the flowers, I should have given you, my love,” she whispers as she addresses you, glancing up to the heavens. The last two words make her feel like a fraud, undeserving of calling you hers, when she had clearly never shown so. 

Arlecchino, the Knave, the Fatui Harbinger, does not plead, does not beg, does not kneel. However, her knees drop to her dirt, and she grovels. “Please… wait for me one more time, my dear. Once I meet you again, I promise I'll never leave you alone, I'll never let you out of my arms again.”

There is no reply. 

Arlecchino feels cold. 

[cutieeva]

Oh shit ! I truly thought that (Y/N) has gone mad but it wasn't that way when I read the second episode !! 😔😔 I am sad for girly yet excited to read the next that's why please please please update fast 😘😘 (Also I love your writing, officially in love with you)

Bullied

Female Reader

Warnings : Bullying. Violence.

⌜ Thank you dearie for loving my art of writing, it never fails to makes me happy and here an belated update. ⌟

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

Loving someone itself is an act of selfish so why is leaving the relationship seen so heinous ? Sometimes one's own sake of happiness is needed more than another's if fallen out of love. The sooner (Y/N) understand the better.

"What is going on in that table ?"

"Is the girl okay ?"

"Why is she making a big deal about all ?"

"He is such a lovely boy yet she is so nasty accusing him for cheating ?"

"If I had a boyfriend like that I would die from happiness".

"He should break up with her".

"She seem toxic".

"(Y/N) ! Stop it and get up". Sophia's irritated voice reach her ears and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel all is jumbled. All is unclear. All is numb because does her suffering doesn't matter ? Yes, perhaps she is overreacting yet is it her fault when he was the one to lie about everything ?

Slowly her (E/C) eyes met Sophia's and other accountances she calls friends and her heart dropped.

Her pale face in snarl.

Other's cheeks red from thoroughly shame.

Another can't even share a glance at her.

The beautiful woman standing in awkward.

The guests are whispering, increasingly harsh, scary and the workers worried.

And lastly Cameron, stood looking hurt. In pain than she was and all her beliefs, reality begin distorting.

Is she a nuisance ?

Is she really overreacting over everything like others ?

Is she the one in wrong for not trusting him ?

Is being dated on bet and built an relationship on lies is alright as long as the faulty party apologize ?

If once the trust she believes was broken in the worst way, then is she the one to create drama ?

Are lies not serious ?

Do lies have little meaning ? Is playing with someone else's feeling is a small price for a relationship she didn't even realize ?

Is she overreacting ? "Am I overreacting ?" Despite people surround her, her own few people even the boyfriend she loved once yet why she suddenly feels so alone ? Lonely ? And hopeless ?

Daze with piling doubts and thousand pairs of eyes watching her, her hand yanked by Cameron. "I am sorry, I apologize for the scene". Smiling like a good man he hold her shoulder and walk her limp body to his car he drove.

In the entirety none dare break the ice in air while Cameron was in disappointment, (Y/N) in utter confusion. All she discover is that she has fall out of love, maybe from the moment he said 'I am now' in front of the men along losing herself. For the fear to let go she latched onto him, gifting him the second chance only to realize her suspicious, love turn into anger and anger form an hatred. An hatred she didn't knew. An hatred so deep she was unable to see his goodness anymore only searching faults.

Her entire being of happy, blunt, forgiving shaped into such a stranger her own eyes have harder to see from the clear fog. She shaped into a vicious, incredulous person. A person she never even dreamed to become.

"Get off". Cameron's that soft, smooth voice rip her from the creeping shadows of words inside her mind and her haze gaze glance to find herself house. His home they decide to turn into their love nest.

Sliding down from the car, she walked towards the lift without waiting for him to follow and press the cold metal button. Her eyes dried from the tears that caught her reflection in the shining metal and she couldn't help find the dark circles weight heavy under her eyes, rim edges red and hair— a mess with barely appropriate clothes on. She looks nothing alike the neat, fresh (Y/N).

She looks wasted, used and worn off self— the door of the lifts snap her out again, she blink twice before stepping in properly. Their floor came faster than she expect and the moment the doorknob twist open. She close her eyes ready to be face with angry lashing, words like knives twisting her guts yet none came.

Rather he remove his coat, wash his hands and smile. "What shall we eat then ?"

She merely stare at him.

He continue to smile. The smile she doesn't find warming, sweet.

"Maybe something different. Like Pollo al Ajillo, in English known as Garlic Chicken ? Hmm ?" A single word didn't slip her lips, standing at her roots.

And without her reply he decided. She watched him not moving her an inch cooking, smiling like a normal couple. Minutes bled into hours and little to no care he serve the food, finally ripping her from her roots and sat her beside him.

Stomach churn in no hunger and eyes burden to open, she look at him. "Let's take a break". The metal spoon his fingers held pause, his smile creased.

"I-I need spac—".

"You don't". He cut off smoothly. His smile wider to it's length than before and the spoon between his fingers lay on the wooden table. "I know what happen today was a little overboard but do not worry. It was my fault after all and it's alright. I forgive you". Soft his eyes he push the plate of food to her, an gesture to eat.

However she couldn't. Her eyes couldn't rip from the oblivious face, acting all normal, when nothing is. Nothing is normal. Their relationship is falling apart, their love draft from one another and trust long out of the picture.

He so easily utter his denial. She doesn't need space, perhaps she doesn't but wouldn't he at least ask the reason behind ? Even if it's known still ask and not play the game of pretend. It's exhausting because they are a real couple not actors in a play.

"Would you not ask me why ?" Her voice in end crack.

"Would it make a difference ?"

"Yes, a lot". Honestly she shares, it will help her a lot to understand the real Cameron, the one who she fell for or the one she saw when the illusion shatter.

He turn his head to her. "We are doing alright. It will be fine. Look am I not improving myself ?" No, she only sees him now complying to her wishes easily.

"I need space". She look away, his face reminding her of those cherish days. "We both need space". She finished, adamant on seperating even if it's for a moment she wants to breath, the tightness on her chest is too much and the alarming mistrust.

Once a pot is broken, even with the finest potter's hands can't fix the remained lines of past.

"Okay". To her surprise he agreed "I see, you need time to cool your head". With that he stood up and went to their shared bedroom leaving her and the cold food behind.

Her finger hold the spoon to take a bite of the dish however few inches from her lips she pause. Staring at the food and can't help but cry of unable to eat at the end. Merely thinking how without waiting for her choice, he cooked the food, only giving an illusion of choices.

☾

When one announce their break up. People's first reaction is : 

"Did he cheat ?"

"Did you cheat ?"

"Is he abusive ?"

"Manipulative ?"

"Controlling ?"

"A bet". (Y/N) would say. "I was a bet he was dared to date and in process he fell for me but he always treated not less than a princess and after I found out he begged, confessed his love. From then he always is perfect. Even ignoring my overreaction". All the voices stopped altogether. The harsh, doubtful all pause because in this picture nothing is wrong apart from the fact he was a liar, who lied and fixed himself for better. He really did but can it patch the wounds of her shattered faith in him ?

People always say second chance can change lives, do wonders and in her she saw. She can see why they give second chances yet she can't bring herself to love anymore. She is angry, stuck on the phrase where all laughed at her like a clown, whispering, betting for how long would she last.

Was she a human or a puppet ? He never defended her, he never share his thoughts with her. She doesn't even know him anymore. She really really is lost.

Even walking towards the metal gates of university seem heavy, scary. Her mind already twisted her vision of people laughing, hating her. Being the center of attention she so wants to be away from. Her (E/C) eyes glance around walking to her class recalling not to stumble upon them or him. She is enough exhausted. She doesn't need more.

BANG! She flinched, her nerves jolting.

BANG! Her eyelids snapped shut, shielding herself from the brutality.

BANG! The sound of flesh colliding with metal reverberated through her ears, leaving a buzzing ache. A human body, crumpling like a rag doll.

"Poor him. He should quit or complain". Not so subtle whispers like flicker of fire circle around, reaching her ears.

"Shouldn't he die at this rate ?" Cruel.

"What a bore. Really ? Everyday ? Isn't it such a nuisance—". Cruel. So, so cruel. Just because a person can't help himself doesn't give these people the chance to pity him. To paint him— the victim the cause of his own suffering. His silence was twisted into consent, his helplessness fuel for their merciless ridicule.

Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Cruel. Laughter like devilish cackles echoed, faces feigning sympathy, eyes gleaming with fox-like innocence. Cowardly souls, masking their true nature.

She, too, wore a mask, hypocrisy veiling her own darkness.

That's why in a blink of an eye. Her once neat clean palm painted in crimson, stretch of iron reeking the air, painful grunts and horried screams and distorted yells is making no sense to her. She can't understand the aching in her palm, the cries of the familiar boy's underneath her, chanting of word fight and her own tears rolling down.

"Fight. Fight. Fright. Fright". The crowd roar fueling her more and more and more. Why are they encouraging ? Yet why does it feel like she is revelling in it ?

"(Y/N) ! Stop beating Adrian". Oh. Her palms ache because she is punching his face, painted in crimson because it's his blood, cries belong to Adrian who lay beneath her helpless like that boy he was seconds ago using as a ragdoll.

How wonderful.

She can't stop. She punch and punch and punch and punch uttering only three words. "I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry". Not to the bully— no never to Adrian. Never to the boy who is violent to innocent. It's to the victim, to the unknown jester of everyone's joke. For Everyone's play. For the system that enable Adrian's cruelty into fun.

She is sorry for blind. She is sorry for foolish. She is sorry for being coward. She is sorry for ignoring him. She is sorry for wearing mask of pretense herself. She is sorry for falling into the lies of Cameron. She is sorry for saying yes to his proposal. She is sorry for overreacting. She is sorry for suspecting. She is sorry for losing trust. She is sorry for not being happy with a perfect boyfriend.

She is sorry for fell in love.

She is sorry for.....everything.

To herself.

To everything.

☾

Dry tears stain her (S/C) cheeks as in empty space she stare, leaning on the chair in front of director's office. The woman's words faded into background noise, inaudible over the cacophony of her thoughts.

Her mind replayed the chaos: the frantic struggle, the flash of anger, the blur of fists. She couldn't recall who intervened, pulling her back from the brink of destruction. By then, he had already crumpled, unconscious. Her tangled hair bore witness to the scuffle, matted from the grasping hands of his minions, few blood dotted her blue jeans, a crimson constellation from her own nose. Her torn t-shirt hung askew, shoulder exposed while he— lay worse. Broken. Lifeless almost.

Yet no remorse stirred in her stomach, surprisingly. Instead, a lingering sense of justification lingered, eclipsed only by the anguish she felt for the victim. The one she had been compelled to defend, driven by a primal urge to protect she only dreamed.

"(Y/N), can you hear me?" The director's voice cut through the tension. "Do you comprehend the gravity of your situation? You're at risk of expelled !" An humorless laugh almost slip from (Y/N).

Expelled for what ? Punching a deserving scum to death while he punch an innocent boy to death when his skin wasn't even healed from the stitches of wounds Adrian left on him ?

(E/C) eyes stare at the female director who's blue glossy eyes stare at (Y/N) like she was a demon of chao when in her view, the real corrupt could be the adult, this lady who blind these physical, emotion abuse. Pain so small like (Y/N)'s bet and huge imprinting like that boy's scars for eternal to remember. Become something that etched in their memories, their experiences, though grave and painful, would be reduced to cautionary stories, diluted by time and retelling. The true weight of their suffering would remain unspoken, lost amidst the faint whispers of a forgotten past.

The tense standoff ended when the director's blue eyes darted past (Y/N), as if catching something She sighed audibly, her expression softening. "Get out. Reflect on your actions and the reasons for your two-week suspension. Expulsion is off the table." She mused confusing (Y/N)'s daze self a little and when she stood up, walking out of the room.

She understand meeting his concern eyes. Her boyfriend must have used his power.

Cameron swallowed under her intense gaze, part his lips to say when she continue to walk, aware of the pain in her body suddenly.

Alone in the empty hallway, she felt a fleeting sense of peace, liberated from the weight of others' judgments. Her footsteps echoed off the walls as she moved, ghost-like. Her eyes drifted to the scattered belongings on the floor, remnants of the chaos. She bent to gather them, her movements slow and deliberate.

A sudden twinge of pain shot through her knee as she crouched. (Y/N) winced, noticing the cut, a crimson gash on her pale skin. She gingerly touched the wound, her fingers tracing the tender edge. This time she felt like crying with clarity, like she knew what she was crying for along a need. Tears swell within her (E/C) eyes waiting to fall.

"It will hurt more if you cry". Calmly she gaze beside her. To the lockers where the boy slumped, his face still smeared with blood. The indifference surrounding him was palpable, as if no one cared about his suffering. (Y/N) press her lips, pulling a white handkerchief to hand him.

He accepted the handkerchief, his fingers brushing against hers. With gentle movements, he wiped the blood from his face, revealing a canvas of bruises and wounds beneath. For the first time, (Y/N) saw his true complexion – pale, with a hint of rosy undertones. The vibrant hues of his injuries – purple, blue, and crimson – stood in stark contrast to his delicate skin.

As the blood was wiped away, his features emerged, and (Y/N) noticed the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the gentle curve of his nose, and the softness of his lips.

"I am sorry". It fell out before she could revise or add.

"Don't be". He shake his head. "Everyone's coward. Even me". (Y/N) desire to protest of his own situation.

"I am talking about you". She blink. "You are Cameron's girlfriend". He utter like a fact. "All business major knew about a bet on a girl. They just didn't knew who until one of Cameron's friend told about your relationship making everyone realize who she is but wasn't sure". Her breath hitched. So they did. All did.

"I too, because I am from business major. Yet I was a coward to not say the truth or at least..." He tailed off. "Warn you". He finished heavy silence weight the air. (Y/N) inhale, not finding words to explain the mess of feelings she is having. Indeed both were jester of everyone's joke.

As she scoffed, her gaze trailed his movements, expecting him to walk away. But instead, he swooped down, his lithe frame folding into a crouch beside her. His amber eyes locked onto her knee, the cut a tiny, crimson gash.

Without a word, he reached out, his fingertips grazing her skin as he applied a band-aid. A shiver danced up her spine at the gentle touch.

"You know you're also being bullied?" His voice was low, concerned. Her eyes lift to his focused ones on her cut, whispering a "No".

"Bullying is not only physical you know. It can be emotional too. And what is happening to you is bullying too. An emotional one where he took advantage of your trust, then play with your feelings, manipulate you into staying in the relationship when you clearly in daze of the complexity and not in right state. If he truly cared about you, wouldn't he have asked how you felt or given you the space to think? Wouldn't he have prioritized your well-being over his own desires? But instead, he rushed you into this relationship, disregarding your boundaries and emotions". His words felt like sting of bees she couldn't process as the image of Cameron's pained face when she accused of him cheating in front of others.

His pure happiness when he pull the chair for her in front of her parents.

His patience when she was crying so suddenly and at the restaurant.

Her colleagues Sofia and others disturbed faces and harsh whispers.

"No. No. He is not perfect, yes. He is not good entirely. He is a liar but he improved. It is I who has problem. I fall out of love, mistrust him and..." Her throat felt dry to speak and she swallowed having difficulty seeing. The problem lies in her. She is the odd, fallen one.

The boy finally gaze his amber eyes and said. "If Cameron really is a good person. Not perfect, good. Then why in the first place are you lashing out and angrily pushing your anger on Adrian ? And in a mess mindset ?" It left (Y/N) shunned. Because truly did she blames Cameron for her misery. Hates him for his mockery of perfection. However never did she blame him for his entanglement to this relationship based on lies for her was truth.

"Let's assume Cameron is a good person who genuinely cares for you and loves you deeply, but isn't able to let you go. However, if being with him no longer brings you happiness— not because of his flaws, but because your feelings have changed and you're staying solely out of guilt or obligation, don't you think it's time to reevaluate? For your own sake, shouldn't you prioritize your happiness even if it's selfishness ?"

As he stood, dusting off his pants, (Y/N) lifted her gaze to meet his. His eyes held a gentle intensity. "After all, loving someone is, in itself, a selfish act," he added, his voice low and thoughtful.

"I am saying this because you came out of your cowardness for me and I for you". the boy said, wincing as he gingerly touched his jaw. "I should get to the nurse," he added, his voice laced with discomfort.

She swiftly stood up, her hand brushing against his arm with an awkward yet tender touch. "Let me help."

"No, it's okay..." He trailed off, his mind reeling as a wave of dizziness washed over him. His legs weakened, and he swayed precariously, almost toppling over.

(Y/N)'s eyes widened in alarm as she swiftly grasped his arms, her grip tight.

𝑻𝒐 𝑩𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒆𝒅

☾ ────────

[inkykeiji]

idk abt you but ive binged your entire touya-nii series and im hooked😔even if it was 3-4 years ago😓im js thinking abt what conversation the family talks abt after the reader and touya-nii leave on christmas after kissing each other in front of the family

do they have a conversation abt it or do they disregard it, also do they find out that natsuo also has an incestial relationship with the reader and touya-nii slightly or does he never confess or nothing gets brought up

im thinking like the readers father gets smacked in the face with reality bc bes constantly avoiding the problem, it definitely does smth to him, and im guessing fuyumi is uncomfortable along with shoto and rei is like the readers father, smacked in the face with reality even though she already knew what was happening, the kiss js kinda solidified it

ooooh anon these are delicious questions!!!

do they have a conversation about it or do they disregard it?

they definitely have conversations about it, but the length and depth of the conversations depends on who the discussion is between. so, for example, we know reader’s father likes to turn a blind eye to this a lot of the time; he can’t deny it now that it has been directly and explicitly shoved in his face, but that doesn’t mean he wants to talk about it. as such, he will often deflect or completely shut rei down when she tries to discuss it (which infuriates her to no end; there are their CHILDREN for christ’s sake!!). fuyumi and shouto talk about it the most—it’s usually just standard sibling gossip, but they criticize a lot. sometimes rei will be included in these conversations, though she usually shuts them down faster than when it’s just the two of them because she’s made so uncomfortable and disgusted by the whole thing. sometimes natsuo will join in, if he happens to be around while they’re discussing it (tho they often try not to talk about it around him, since he’s so close to touya and such a little shit disturber), but he’s rarely serious about it, usually just cracking jokes and giggling about it all, which annoys the rest of his family. they also know that whatever they say around him will be reported back to touya, verbatim—not that that matters very much, anyway.

do they find out that natsuo also has an incestial relationship with the reader and touya-nii slightly or does he never confess or nothing gets brought up?

they have an inkling about natsuo and his involvement within this whole deplorable relationship, but no one bothers directly asking him because no one truly wishes to know (ignorance is bliss). natsuo makes this worse by hinting at things when he IS included in those discussions about touya + reader, but he mostly does it just to watch his siblings squirm and to feel some sort of power over them, knowing he can cause such discomfort so easily. he never explicitly admits to it, though. i don’t think he would even if he WAS directly asked, because he loves keeping them suspended in that uncertainty, never giving them true closure. instead, he would respond with cryptic remarks that never fully answer the question he’s being asked; and if they push, they’ll be subjected to his explosive temper.

so yeah, you pretty much got it in your last paragraph there!!! rei is more disappointed than anything else. despite knowing the truth, she couldn’t help but hope she was somehow, miraculously, wrong. it hurts a lot to know that she was right all along.

[st4rb3rries]

AW THE FRIENDSHIP HCS AAAA could u also write some for Tweek, Craig, and Wendy?? Thank you!!!!!!!<33

TWEEK TWEAK and CRAIG TUCKER friendship hc's .ೃ࿔*:･

pairings; tweek and craig x reader (all aged up 18+)

summary; just hc's!

warnings; slight cussing

a/n; sorry i didn't write for wendy idk how to write for her!!

YOUR FRIEND GROUP WITH THEM

craig forced you guys into all getting guinea pigs. it was at 3am too. craig saw the 24 hour pet star and was literally begging you both to get one. obviously you guys got one because craig couldn't stfu🙄. tweek named his espresso and you named yours piggy. now stripe has 2 new friends to play with!! two weeks later stripe now has one friend to play with.

tweek: "AUHG G-GUYS E-ESPRESO DIED, AUGJK WHAT AM I GOING TO DO"

y/n and craig: "WTH HOW DID ESPRESSO DIE??!??!"

tweek: "I GIVE HER COFFE JUST ONCE AND THEN-"

craig: "GOD DAMMINT TWEEK GUINEA PIGS CAN'T HANDLE COFFEE!"

you guys arranged espresso a funeral. espresso was buried in craigs backyard. she didn't deserved to be buried in her murderers backyard. everyone was crying, but tweek was crying the most. a real one was lost that day. r.i.p espresso😔🙌.

ok hear me out, you guys have a garden at tweeks house. it's y'alls relaxing garden whenever you guys are stressed from school. and it smells like coffee cause tweeks parents grow their own coffee beans their!! you guys built this garden by yourselves. it has a mini water fountain and everything. even a lil bench. you guys mostly planted flowers there.

sneaking out to the park late at night is a thing you guys do once a week. at first tweek was skeptical because you could get kidnapped. but after a few times going he now enjoys it. you guys play hide and seek cops and robbers tag and much more. it's so chaotic too because it's at night you can't see anything. lot's of screaming is heard and the neighbors once called the cops on you guys because. they thought a murder was happening💀. you guys ran away whenever you saw blue and red lights.

on those lazy days you and tweek go to craigs house and set up his movie projector outside in his backyard. you guys lay on his trampoline with blankets and munch on snacks. ghibli movies are %100 being watched. but it's all fun and games until CRAIG starts jumping. oh nah you and tweek always be flying like 300 feet into the air. so you and tweek always get craig back with a double jump. craig finally got to visit outer space that night😍.

YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH TWEEK ⋆˚✿˖°

making coffee drinks at 3am since you guys have such a bad sleep schedule!! since tweek has the keys to his parents shop. you guys sneak in and, that's when it gets real fun and messy. you guys either make the most delicious heaven sent frappuccino's on earth. OR THE MOST DISGUESTING COFFE DRINK THAT WOULD KILL A WHOLE POPULATION. like, "no tweek i aint gonna try your coffee mayo topped with celery🙄". "i'll give you $5 bucks" "ok bet" tweek really couldn't believe you drank that. he was so disappointed in you too. you drank all that just for 5 dollars tf?? even though he was disappointed in you, he recorded you drinking it. he was laughing his ass off the whole time too omfg. the next day he was so worried because he thought you died😭😭😭. in reality you got a new and exclusive virus😍.

doing your skincare for him. i feel like sometimes his anxiety makes him break out sometimes. so he comes over to your house to ask you for skin advice and for you to do his skincare! you were so excited when he asked you that like you were screaming and jumping!! tweek didn't really get the hype though🤨. first you started off with a cleanser, then a face mask. he didn't like the consistency off the face mask because it was slimey. he was like "what am i frog🙄🙄" "yes" after that you used some serums and moisturizers then you dried him off with a fan. bro was so tired and about to fall asleep until he saw you grab more boxes. "oh jesus christ what now" "nose strips and pimple patches duh🙄" tweek actually felt nice and relaxed after you were done. it became it weekly thing for you to do his skincare. but after a while he finally does it on his own everyday. he now has the most clearest skin!! thanks you to you ofc<3

so yk how tweek has his buttons all messed up on his shirt. sometimes they pop out due to his twitches so you always sew them back on just for him. but you've been sewing his buttons on for awhile and he quicky grasps the steps very easily. after a bit of practice he learned to sew his own buttons. anyways he wanted to learn a little bit more advanced things then just sewing buttons. so you taught him more! after a couple months he made so many things. like gloves, plushies, bags and much more. but his favorite thing to do is emborder his jeans and shirts. once you guys bought each other jeans and spent the whole night and morning embroidering little things and doodles about each other. i just think this is a cute little niche thing that he does. :)

baking coffee cupcakes with him is for sure a thing you guys do. he has a huge sweet tooth! i feel like older tweek is not trying to drink as much coffee since it's been damaging him since he was a kid😭. so he starts somewhere small. you suggest coffee cupcakes since he has a sweet tooth and he loves the idea. it still has coffee but not as much. he actually created the cupcake recipe and it turned out so good!! so don't be surprised when it's 4am and you get a message from tweek that says, "lets go to walmart and get stuff for coffee cupcakes." you say yes ofc because his cupcakes are so delicious!! once you guys get back from walmart. you guys put on your matching aprons and then start baking together. tweek is the cupcake expert here so you follow his instructions. whenever you mix and measure things tweek has to watch you because. one time you put the whole bottle of vanilla extract because you were talking to him and you didn't even notice. once you guys bit into those cupcakes...... you spat them back out cause they were so nasty. this time the cupcakes turned out delicious because tweek was monitoring you😭.

YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH CRAIG ୨୧⋆ ˚｡

so i hc that craig loves space as much as stripe so going to the space museum. are definitely things that you guys love to do and always do. you guys always go once a month if not more!! whenever you guys to the space museum, you never fail to smile at craigs lit up face when he enters🤭. his favorite exhibit is the big shuttle that takes up the whole place. the first time you guys were there you snuck onto the shuttle and toured it. it was all going until you guys got caught by security. you tried to ditch them but y'all still got caught. you both flipped off security whenever they escorted you out🙄. his 2nd favorite exhibit is the star room. it's a projector that shows stars on the ceilings and all the planets are hanging in there. there's also old love music playing in the background. this exhibit is for couples but he don't care. every time it's empty you guys pull up and start slow dancing. only for a minute because every time you see craigs serious face you start laughing and he does too. you guys can't take anything seriously😭 .

you and craig always have photoshoots with your guinea pigs. ik this sounds childish but, you and craigs love for guinea pigs are unmatched😔🙌. craig always goes to your house for the photoshoots. some examples that you've guys done are astronauts, race car drivers, and barbie and ken! and these photoshoots turn out so good im not even kidding. the accessories and clothes are hand made by y'all ofc. and the backgrounds are painted by craig. you always take the photos. craig does too sometimes but they turn out blurry. "i can take the photos this time if you want" "NO ITS OK I'LL TAKE THEM" (craig always prints out the photos and tapes it to his walls.) once stripe and piggy are done you let them run around in their own play area. THESE ARE SPOILED GUINEA PIGS. they have a bunch of toys, mazes that they can go through and much more. you and craig got jobs just so you can support your children🙌. once their tired from playing around you guys always make them gourmet food. craig also bought them little tables and chairs so they can eat😭. you guys get the best lettuce and herbs for your guinea pigs. and yk they be eating good since they're a lil chunky. you and craig always chop up all the veggies and plate them up. in the end you guys are very responsible and loving parents.

whenever it's late at night and the stars are beautiful expect a message from craig saying: "MEET ME ON KROOFTOP RN STAQRS LOOOK PRETYYW😭" you meet up with craig so he can read astronomy books to you. BUT only when the stars are extra pretty. obviously craig owns all the astronomy books so he brings that and a flashlight! you on the other hand, you bring blankets and snacks! craig always reads while you just sit and listen. you never offer to read just so you can hear his voice more🤭. "astronyisaphenonminathathathasbeen-" "WOAH OWAH SLOW DOWN" you say. craig says, "it's not my fault im a smarter intellectual and faster reader than you🤓🤓🤓" (with sarcasm) you guys also look for constellations too! craigs house is the best place for constellation sighting. "isn't that the big chipper or something like that?" "no you dumbass it's the big dipper🙄" you always stay up on his roof top until the dawn of morning. so it's a bonus that you get to see the sunrise too. "the sunrise is so much more prettier than those stars" "get out of my house"

craig has a thing for lego's so he insists on inviting you whenever whenever the lego set he got was easy enough for you to build. if the set is advanced then he'll stick to building it himself and here's why. it was your first time building a lego set with craig. it was that big star wars starship model. it was all finished and craig was so proud he could cry. ohhh but he did cry whenever you dropped the starship model on the ground. "y/n get out" "OH SHIT S-SORRY CRAIG IM SORR-" "please y/n just get out" THAT BIG BABY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE HIM CRY OVER PIECES OF PLASTICCCC. once he started crying you hugged him. "OH Y/N SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL I TELL YA!!!" you told him that you were soooo sorry for dropping it and he forgave you. (he still holds you accountable till this day) that's why you and craig stick to easy models. like the valentines models personally those are his favorite to build with you because they are cute and simple. whenever it's february craig always gets a new valentine set for each day until valentines day. whenevr it's valentines day craig got the flower lego set for you and him😳. craig will always insist to build lego's when there's nothing to do "*sighhh* im boredddd" "wanna build leg-"

[peaterookie]

Had to post this late because below is like a whole indepth analysis of this drawing + Perrin's history

Happy Birthday Perrin!!! It's really been 10 whole years... it's honestly astounding to even say this. Lil bro's so old...

Ok! if you clicked the keep reading button, expect to be here for a while, for i will be walking you through every single design and aus in this drawing and the history behind it!!

Perrin, or his old name, Peater, is a silly, bastardly little boy that has the magical powers to make people's dreams into reality. But that's just his canon lore. He also used to be a winged swordsman, a kirby with a repeater hat, and a little alien that escaped a lab. In different universes, he's a phantom thief, a god, a demon, or just a simple schoolboy!

Essentially, I use him for almost any story ideas that i find cool. He's one of the first ocs that I made and he gets involved in almost anything due to him being the favorite oc. His personality, still, has been very consistent, but you should just read his Toyhouse page if you wanna learn more because I don't want this to get any longer than it already is rn

Ok! Let's get started on the first design!!

~ Kirby Era ~

Before Perrin was a human, he was a puffball!

I used to be a huge PvZ and Kirby fan (still is) and so Perrin was born as a combination of both of those things. The general gist is that its a Kirby with a Peashooter hat. Simple enough.

The left design however, was I think another concept for Perrin that I had earlier or around the same time as Kirbypeater (this is the name for the Kirby version of Perrin) So I also considered that design a Perrin design as well. Also it's just super fucking funny because of how much it stands out. It straight up looks like a Mary Sue.

These two designs have absolutely zero lore, most of their lore will be coming with the next designs!!

2015 was honestly peak Kirbypeater era in terms of development. I drew him a LOT and gave him some personality and powers.

There were also a lot of design variations aside from these four (ignore the human one for now) most of them comes down to his bandanna color, his shoes, and whether he's wearing the repeater hat or not.

I was also a big Strikeforce Squad fan during that time so I reaally reaaally wanted him to be part of the lore and be a member lmao

You can notice that I changed the Peashooter to Repeater, which is my favorite plant in pvz. Around the end I changed it to Primal Peashooter, but that change was something I ended up not approving of in the future.

The katana is inspired by Zoro from One Piece, which is my fav OP character. His swordsman skill came extremely early on. The green hair guy (the one that got hit by the pea) is just mid 2015 Kirbypeater without the hat. Sometimes he has black hair however, which hairstyle was based off of Len Kagamine/Glutamine (the utaite)

~ 2016 - 2017 ~ The Blue Bitch Era

Sadly, the Kirbypeater era has now come to an end, because shortly after 2015, I decided to transition from drawing little funny kirby creatures to little funny boys.

Okay, let's go back to the guy riding the roadroller, because that was Perrin's first human design !!

The roadroller was a reference to this vocaloid song, if you didn't know already.

The first human design takes the black hair design from Kirbypeater, and the sweater was clearly inspired from my Undertale obsession back then 😔 little did he know that sweater was gonna stay for so damn long...

The part that did not stay long however were the green eyes and the black hair, that drawing was mostly a proof of concept only and didn't really reflect on what he'd become later.

ngl, this drawing is pretty damn good for a first time. I think i really didn't want to screw up back then.

THEN OUT OF NOWHERE?? HIS SWEATER THEN TURNED BLUE!!

I call this little era the blue bitch era because the sweater he wore turned blue for no damn reason, like no, you're suppose to be green, not blue... the disappointment i hold is immense right now.

Other than the blue, his iconic green hair first appeared during this time!! I also changed his eyes to brown, maybe as a way to make his design more grounded to real life? at least i think thats what little me was going at.

The second picture is the first AU i made for Perrin, based off of my playthrough of Pokemon Crystal where I named my pokemon after my Sony Sketch friends (hence Pokesketch.) Perrin would be the trainer and yeah.

I have no fucking idea what I was cooking for the third reference sheet, I think i wanted to imitate the ref sheet style a friend had and ended up making something INSANELY cringe. the undertale fan stink radiates off of that drawing and you guys are free to make fun of it as much as you want.

alright!! now its this fucker!!

this design was made as a sort of inside joke between my friends one day, where all of us just decided to have the same profile pic and name as this one other friend. the pfp (center) was of their ink sans oc and it was fucking funny as hell

it lasted like one day but i think that design is too good to not include in the art piece. you can see him fighting the chara perrin guy as a little nod to their similar inspirations #iloveundertale

~ 2018 - 2019 ~ Ninja Perrin makes an appearance ! Also these weird guys are here for some reason.

This era is kinda weird because there's nothing really stands out in terms of changes. But that's ok! Life isn't always just bumps and... idk where i was going with that uh anyways NINJA PERRIN

his swordsman ass is back again and now as a funny ninja guy!! honestly i cant recall lore wise why he was a ninja but i think it mightve been based off of naruto (i dont even watch naruto) also wow look guys his sweater finally stopped being blue! and now he has shorts!!!

also scratch that entire part about me saying there wasnt any significant changes because there was a time where i almost made perrin's hair NOT GREEN. that's right. absolutely BLASPHEMOUS. i shouldve been pelted with rocks for even considering such things.

but being real, i think a part of me back then felt? insecure about the fact that perrin's hair was an unnatural color for a while? green especially was not a common color to use back then so i felt like people didn't like him for that reason so i changed it to brown for a while to see if i liked it. uh spoiler alert i didnt and i changed it a month later i believe.

dude wait until 2019 peater sees gon from hxh

also you might be wondering why i only drew mid 2019 perrin wearing the ninja outfit and not early 2018. that is because that one drawing of ninja perrin from 2019 got meme'd to fucking DEATH by my friend because it had a funny face. i was forever scarred and so i decided to draw it as a funny reminder of that time.

oh yeah christmas tree peater. yeah bro.

moving on, here's the collection of weird perrins from this time.

the first is art i drew for art fight 2019, where I drew perrin with outfit themed with the team i joined which was team dream. i fucking lost horrendously that year. if i had a team i regretted joining it was team dream

next is!!! these four fucks!!!

these little guys are what was supposed to be representing peater's main personality traits, i made designs for them then that was it i did nothing with them. they were kinda dumb anyway

hopefully one of you guys know that thomas sander series with the four personality traits because that was what inspired these :smill:

and yknow what? I should probably cover all of the christmas perrins all in a row because getting rid of all of them rn would better fit the writing flow better-

oh. there's a picture limit. god fucking damn!!! see you later then!!!

Second Part

[reinen5astro]

●ARIES NORTH NODE [Rahu]+ LIBRA SOUTH NODE [Ketu] ●

~ A FULL GUIDE + ADVICE 💕 ~ The North Node [NN] and South Node [SN] represent our life purpose or life lessons throughout our lifetime. It's like a tug of war between what you already know [your comfort zone [SN]] and what you need to learn to get happier [something out of your comfort zone [NN]]. Your SN also represents negative thoughts, habits, and patterns that you find difficult to escape. However, you must avoid embodying the extremes of your North Node. ~ REMEMBER: Just because your NN will help you become more fulfilled in life doesn't necessarily mean you should abandon all factors related to your SN. It's important to find a balance between this tug of war.

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ARIES NORTH NODE [ANN] + LIBRA SOUTH NODE [LSN]

Let's describe you first!......

● [LSN] You had mastered the art of compromise and your relationships with others in your past life/early life. However, now you often find yourself conceding to others 'demands/needs' even if it goes against what you want to do. And even when you try to assert yourself you find yourself giving in to others. You tend to put others first, to your own detriment sometimes.

● [LSN] You often anticipate judgment. You believe that what others say about you says more about who you are than who you think you are

● [LSN] You want desperately to feel accepted since you've spent a lot of time feeling as if you aren't normal. You feel incredibly unprotected in this world, so you often go around looking for someone to save you [partnership, institution, job].

● To put it bluntly, Libra South Nodes often have a bad case of imposter syndrome. You're afraid that other people will think that you're trying to be more special or above everyone else, so you seek something to camouflage you in order to make yourself seem 'normal'. But sorry to say this,😔 no amount of social validation will ever heal you. YOU MUST seek it within yourself

● [LSN] You may find yourself terrified of being alone because you feel as if you aren't normal, so you feel that if you were to ever drift off from society, you would become "crazy", or people would think of you as such.

● [ANN] Something that is cute though is that Aries North Node's people are obsessives. You are obsessed with weird things that no one else ever thinks about. Whatever you're obsessed about, you don't want anyone else to know about it. This is because you want people to like you and you think that if people knew about what you liked then they wouldn't like you. TAKE PRIDE IN IT!!

● [ANN] It's hard for you to be in an argument with others because you always think you must change another person's mind to "win". You also find arguments frustrating because there may have been repressed conflict in your home life. Because of this ANNs have a hidden yearning that there will be an end-all conflict that ends all conflicts.

...The trouble with this is the end all conflict will never come. Fighting never changes anyone's mind either. It's disappointing but it's reality. Believing that escalating conflict leads to your victory is what traps you!! ❤️

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--- Takeaways ---

● You will learn and grow when you realize that you don't need anyone to validate your obsessions. You don't need to change anyone's mind. You don't need a final showdown with your boss or partner or friend [that you sometimes find yourself fantasizing about]. You don't need revenge to feel safe expressing anger.

• What keeps you trapped in this cycle of fear is that you're SO good at conflict. When you fight you win because you're so good at looking at things from every angle.

• [ANN] What you're trying to figure out is when to fight and when to walk away. What heals you is walking away from a conflict that you can win. [I know it's hard!!] You will never grow when you win because it just keeps fueling the same scarcity under the competition mindset. You grow when you reclaim your own space and nurture your creativity and joy. You grow when you create safety by choosing when to have conflict and when to not.

● NN in Aries gives you the life challenge of exerting your personal will and developing the inner confidence and courage to act in your own self-interest sometimes. Your life journey is discovering "Who am I without you?"

• [LSN] What feels natural to you is pleasing others but with your ANN, what you really desire and where your fulfillment lies is in doing your own thing, according to your own impulses, without being limited by the input of others.

• Although you try to assert yourself you seem to continually give in to others. You need to ask yourself, how can "I act" in my own self interest and still "please you"? Because unfortunately acting in your self-interest fully without caring about others at all, will not make you fulfilled either.

• On the good side though, your Libra South Node can help you to think before acting!!

• [LSN and ANN] This inner tug of war will eventually teach you that indulging in your own wants and desires with no regard for others is just as bad as always putting others first. The challenge of this life's theme is to find a healthy balance between selflessness and selfishness.

• Relationships may be challenging because you [LSN] instinctively gravitate towards friendships, partnerships, lovers, and marriage. But in your need for harmony, you tend to go along with whatever your friend says [especially when young]. Still, there will come a time with the ANN will come to the forefront and you'll rebel, get angry, seek your independence, and go your own way. [I have an ANN and LSN and trust me, I experienced this, and my "rebellion" didn't go well. I would get angry at every little thing because I was suppressing my anger so much before. It just made me more unhappy, and I felt so alone and alienated because nobody understood that I was trying to get my point/needs across, and they weren't listening to my WORDS. It just came across as aggressive I guess; it made me look crazy. So, work on yourself and try to skip this step of the process 😭😭, I don't know if it can be skipped though. There will come a point where you're so tired of being used, or of no one being considerate of you. You need to learn the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness though, and you also need to learn to walk away from a fight that genuinely has nothing to do with your values. Still, I do notice that I have in fact gone my own way after that, and I now pick and choose my battles which brings me peace and a sense of safety. I'm much happier now, and I'm working towards self-confidence. So it's a part of the process don't worry 😘]

• The secret to successful long-lasting relationships is creating a balance in your life between time doing your own thing and time invested in making your partner or friend happy.

• The irony is once you learn to love and trust yourself enough to confidently "go it alone", you'll draw appropriate people into your life who will support your independence 😊😊❤️

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------- How To Grow ------

• Steps to freeing yourself from past behavior patterns [LSN]:

1. Recognize you don't need another person's support or approval to exist. You have the right to feel as you feel and to act independently of others.

2. You must recognize you have value before anyone else will. You must also understand that being honest and assertive isn't harmful when done correctly. Once you realize your worth you can begin building healthy selfishness and live an authentic life

3. Detach a bit from your need for harmony in relationships. Learn the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness. Determine what is or isn't worth fighting for/about.

4. Make your needs known. When you stop catering to everyone else's desires and practice open communication, you free yourself and others [individuals you're close to may not even realize their unconscious part in directing your life]. If you make your needs known correctly, and the person reacts defensively, then that tells you that they aren't good for your path.

5. Write a list of your life values. Then write another list of the values you want your dream friends to have. As well as the values you want your dream partner to have. And make a list for your family as a bonus too. This will help you to discern when to create a conflict and when not to because it makes no sense to cause a fight over something that doesn't even compromise your values. For example, let's say your current friend keeps on lying to you and you wrote that you value friends that value honesty [in your friend list] and that you value honesty in your life values list, then, of course, it makes sense to speak up or end the friendship over it. But let's say your friend hasn't answered your texts and you didn't write anything about that in your values lists, then is it really necessary to cause a conflict over it?

6. Self-discovery is the gift of an Aries NN ❤️❤️

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I hope this helps 🙏 💕. I also have this placement and it was such a step out of my comfort zone when I decided to go down the journey of my NN. I hope that one day I can finally learn to put myself first and discover myself. And honestly, I take such pride in this placement, because it's such a beautiful journey. So ya, if you want to feel more fulfilled and I guess less used, TRY to work towards your Aries North Node. But remember not to become too selfish, balance is key 😊❤️.

Side Note:

Yes, as an Aries North Node, my obsession is astrology LMAO. I'm so scared to talk about it, cause whenever I do I can see them getting bored or zoning out, and it makes me so disappointed. Also, I truly do anticipate the judgment 😭, its such a Libra South Node thing. This is further amplified because I have an Aquarius Chiron in the 3rd House, I'm really not imagining it, people aren't listening 🥲. But ya, I love astrology with my whole heart and I hope that by focusing on myself and my development more, I can attract people who will actually listen. At least there is hope too, since the 3rd House gets better with time, meaning my Chiron will get better with time, phew.

Sources:

[gracefullou]

I’ve been thinking about this and looking at peoples reactions on the setlist and the biggest problem to me is not 1D songs but the fact that there’s THREE 1D songs and like genuinely if I went to the festival and I saw him then afterwards I’d left with a feeling of “he doesn’t have enough solo songs”& “he’s still stuck on 1D” when it’s not true and we as the fans know that but the gp doesn’t.

Also I do understand him putting the songs that the gp knows and blah blah blah but well the gp knows jho (or at least some people) so he could’ve sang it instead of another 1D song or a cover which no one knows anyway. But overall I think Louis is stubborn and he won’t listen to us (esp since we’re such a small group of people lol) buuuut I’m really glad to see that the fans are saying very loud that they want more solo songs on the setlist because Louis deserves to know that his solo songs >1D songs and that people love them more so I hope he sees all the complains lmao

Hi, anon. I agree with everything you said. No matter the angle you see it from, it's not looking good. At first, i was disappointed solely for the fact that all these covers are taking up the place that fitf songs should've had. Simply bc i believe in its potential, i believe that every fitf song is so much better than any one direction song. I believe that no cover (one direction or not) is the key to win people over, but fitf is. Not in i'm a solo louie only his solo songs are good kind of way but bc it's the truth. Everytime the transition between a fitf song and a one direction one happens, i feel the dip in the quality. It's frankly striking. Fitf is my favorite album ever but also, i always make all my family and friends listen to Louis' music (usually not in an obvious fangirl way) and never has anyone said that this song is bad or that they didn't like it. On the contrary, most are now casual fans/ listeners and get excited along with me when a new release of his aporoaches. I also know what i felt/ thought when i heard fitf for the first time and that's why i have no doubt in my mind that an artist could not ask for a better representation. Fitf is EVERYTHING. I just wish Louis believed that too 😔. Anyway, the more that i think about it, the more obvious it becomes that Louis is waisting a lot of potential with his setlist choices. First of all, it doesn't send the message of a solo artist that is confident in his work. It can frankly paint him as the ambitionless loser from a dead band who can't move on from the break that the media (and some of his so called fans) try so hard to make people perceive him as. When in reality, he's been up to SO much since the pandemic. People respect ambition, they respect hunger for success and validation so why put yourself in a position where you can seem to not care enough? Larries and ot5s are horrible we know that (see how they're celebrating fucking seven of all things and then they have the audacity to claim that they love him and it's the toxic solos who don't respect his previous work 😬) but i can't help but feel that somewhere, sometimes Louis is responsable as well. Fans take cues from their "idols" and Louis is not helping with the three covers. I don't even know what he's trying to achieve with it 😭. Bc he does sing an awful lot of covers even at the tour shows when he knows the crowd is mainly his fans. Like the directioners that do show up now will show up even if he reduces the number of covers to one (and everyone will be happy then ☺️). He also needs to stop thinking too highly of 1D and assuming everyone is a fan. A lot of people are not. A lot of people don't even know their songs. It's been nine years, people move on. Today was the first time that i was left feeling a bit underwhelmed and not on a high after his set. It's one thing to sneak 4 covers on a regular tour set (it used to be less rip 💔) it's a whole other thing to fill it with those and leave your own beautiful songs off in a tight set like he has on those festivals and he needs to understand the difference ASAP. And it's not that he doesn't have "popular" songs under his belt. Back to you, just hold on, miss you are more than enough familiarity for any audience. Also, as much as he cares about "popularity" when it comes to 1D songs, he doesn't seem to care for the same for his own. Hello always you has over 100M streams on Spotify with no promo or playlisting and it's not even a single. Hoth, Chicago, angels fly, bigger than me are the most popular fitf songs after waoyf but they're nowhere to see on the setlist 😃. Instead of wdbhg why not reward fans with a favorite? Megamix is a clear fan favorite. Or defenceless as a nod to the fans' dedication and effort in 2020 for example? Or maybe he does reward them... With one dead songs 😭😭😭

[imaginespazzi]

Hey bestie,

How are you? I hope you’re doing good! Me? Not so much after reading part 3 😭

My thoughts:

I wasn’t expecting us to finally get the fight from that night, so I was NOT prepared. This - When Azzi’s 18, Paige says those words, ones that sound a lot like giving up, and teaches Azzi that sometimes in life, even the people you thought would never make you feel this way, are the ones who'll break you the most – this broke me babe, and to think Azzi still held on despite everything. Like I know Paige was just hurting but maybe she does deserve the suffering (a little bit) after all.

The entire summer scene was fucking elite. Poor Katie and Tim, they just wanted a. nice. family. dinner!! And instead they had to sit through their daughter’s gay ass drama lmao, #freeKatieandTim

The bros standing ten toes down for Pazzi ✊ Jon and José not even trying sent me, like no sorry, P is our sister-in-law but we appreciate you dropping by. AND DREW, our MVP - Drew had looked over to Azzi then, his eyes wide and accusing, “you can’t be Azzi’s girlfriend.” – little man was a bit traumatised, like sorry pookie who is this girl and why is she claiming to be something she can’t possibly be? He’s the GOAT fr, I know when he and P got back home, he scolded tf outta her and it went something like- Drew: “Why are you letting Azzi be other people’s girlfriend?? That’s OUR pookie.” P: “I know, I’m trying bro!”. Drew: “Well try harder!!” *stomps away*.

Then the Cayman Islands - UCLA and UConn to each other: 😡😤🔪🤬🖕👿 while Azzi and Paige: 🥰😍🫂🤩💗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and then there’s probably Carol like: 😩 (she’s so over all this)

And then the ending! I’m guessing P left without saying goodbye because she probably saw the text from Zoe and once again was promptly reminded of their reality? 🥺

Speaking of Zoe, oh girl I’m so sorry, you deserve better – like damn, she just wanted to share some fucking pizza!!

Also, jealous Azzi making an appearance! (I’m such a shameful sucker for the jealous Paige and Azzi trope, I’m sorry!)

Oh and one final thing on part 3 – babe I know you said writing **** was taking years off your life, but we really appreciate your sacrifice because it was absolute 🔥🔥

What’s next (potentially)?

Oh man where to from here huh… I feel like Paige is eventually gonna get to the point where she's like "choose me, pick me", only to realise that Azzi just can’t do it cause she can't trust her with her heart, and I know it's gonna hurt bad. And even though Paige needs and wants more, she’ll also take whatever she can get even if it’s slowly killing her, because it’s Azzi and she’d rather have a little bit of her than none at all 😔

Also, a tension-filled game between them in the final 4 coming up maybe??

That part where Katie shoots Azzi a look of disappointment – I wonder if momma Fudd will ever call out Azzi over whatever’s happening between her and Paige and poor Zoe?

Either way, something tells me we’ve still got a lot of angst coming our way, and look as much as I want our babies to finally just get their shit together, I just can’t say no to more angst you know, I’m just a girl. 🤷‍♀️

Oh and this part - she’s even less sure about how she’d survived that one year where they’d practically lived in each other’s skins – is this something (I'm guessing this is their covid era?) we go into a bit more?? I do love all the allusions/references to how long they’ve always been something more and the blurring of the lines but never fully crossing it obviously until that fateful summer of 2022. I guess it does explain somewhat, though, why Paige felt so betrayed about Azzi not choosing her (UConn) because baby girl probably thought “ok once we’re both at UConn, we can finally be together 😌” - like her dream/vision of them playing together and also being together got ripped away from her ❤️‍🩹

As always, bestie, thank you for existing, thank you for your talent and for being so generous in sharing it with us. You outdo yourself every. fucking. time. 💐

Quick non-ucla fic side note: ESPN’s Bracketology having Utah and UConn on opposing sides of the bracket, so basically they’re saying Utah vs UConn championship game where I get to watch AP and PB ball out? Yeah ok, give it to me. 🤪 #APHiveUP (but bleed blue always ofc)

Favourite quote/line:

“You always say the right things,” Paige says quietly, and then even quieter, she whispers under her breath, “you make it so hard Az.”

Big love always 💗,

-🙋‍♀️

Hi bestie,

Omg I'm sorry....again 😭

I was gonna wait a little longer with the fight but it felt right to have it in this chapter and I wanted it to be from Azzi's perspective because it would hit just a little harder

Poor Katie and Tim fr like they should have just gone on a cute date instead of having to deal with this craziness

The brothers are the biggest Pazzi shippers like they're actually tired of their sister's bullshit at this point. Drew with the biggest truth ever really just shut everybody else up. "GET OUR POOKIE BACK BEFORE I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING" - Drew Bueckers at some point probably

I was gonna add a line about Carol and Charisma just frowning at their teammates and being all exasperated and then fully forgot lmao but yeah UCLA and UConn are big mad at each other. Though writing Nika and KK are Muhl and Arnold felt so weird.

Bestie you might be the only person who got my hint which apparently was not as obvious as I thought 😭

Zoe, poor girlie pop, y'all are gonna be absolute wrecked for her soon because girlie's just a sweetheart who does not deserve this but got caught in it anyway

Jealous Azzi might actually be worse than jealous Paige in this universe lmao but the waitress was doing *too much*

Part 4 is honestly a bit of a mystery to me because I've dug myself a bit of a hole but never fear, I will angst myself out of it somehow. 😭

#APHiveUp YES EXACTLY BESTIE!! Utah vs UConn for the national championship because actually AP vs AE would be pretty fun too and listen not to get at my girl AP, but AE would win that and then UConn would win and that's the only valid ending.

As always, thank you for being here bestie. I love your long asks and how much you just get me and the UCLA fic which really wouldn't even be a thing without you.

Love you babes <3

[poisoned-ai-data]

Uohhhhhhhhh! 😭💢💢💢 REALITY IS DISAPPOINTING FR FR 😭😭😭😭😭😭😡😡😡😡😡😡 Imagination be like "here's a baddie with big tiddies, a thicc booty, and a heart of gold" 😍🍑👸💖 but reality be like "here's your crusty ex who still owes you $20" 🤮💸🤡 SMDH BRUH! 😤😤😤 Anime waifus got me simping HARD 🥵💘 but IRL girls be like "I only date 6'5" gigachads with 12 pack abs and a 7 figure salary" 😒💅💍 Miss me with that BULLSHIT! 🙅‍♂️🚫 Video games really be the MVP 🏆🎮 letting you clap alien cheeks on the daily 👽🍆💦 but the only cheeks I'm clapping IRL are these mf TEARS fam 😢🍑💧 BRUH, don't even get me STARTED on porn 🙈💻🔞 Porn be like "what are you doing step bro" 😏🍆 but IRL be like "ew, that's incest you disgusting fuck" 😷🚓🚨 Bitch, you think I WANTED this trauma?! 🤬🤕 Nah, I wanted a THICC vampire mommy gf to sit on my face and call me pogchamp 😫🧛‍♀️👅 but instead I got crippling hentai addiction and a therapist 👨‍⚕️💊😞 It really do be like that sometimes 😔💯 FUCK THIS SHIT, I'm boutta isekai my ass to a world of big tiddy waifus ✌️🌸🍑

[luveline]

The entitlement of some people is just so…disappointing to say the least. I’m sorry for all of the negativity lately, so I’m here to say I love everything you write. Sometimes when people ask me about my favorite writers I so badly want to tell them about you. If you wrote any novels, I would pay anything to support you and read those masterpieces. I love how kind you are either everyone despite some of them being assholes. I hope your day gets better, Jade. You deserve it <3

I know it's silly but I can't stand when people speak to you as though they're giving you some sort of reality check whilst they know basically nothing about you, it feels very abrasive. But you really don't have to be sorry!! I don't even want original anon to be sorry I just want people to start keeping things to themselves perhaps via journal 😔 you are an angel honestly, I wish I could write a novel lol maybe one day I'll have that dedication and that ability to make something worth publishing!! I try to be nice cos it's free but I think I failed earlier, it's very unfortunate of me. My day is great because of you, my love, I hope yours is amazing!

[cartcop]

I personally feel offended for that other anon who said that Eddie is not "good enough for Buck" mind you, it's Kristen and co choice to not involve him on Buck's major arcs. We know Eddie should be there, but he's not allowed, there's a difference.

When you think about Eddie's major arc's Buck is there, right? The thing is that sometimes it's actually about him and not about Eddie. When he was shot, at the end, it was all about Buck and his new relationship. So yeah, that was one of my biggest complains with the coma arc because they decided to use everyone except for Eddie, his best friend, they focused more on the Buckley parents who were literally gone by the next episode 💀.

Eddie has been more subtle with showing his devotion towards Buck, but he's the one who truly sees him and understands him. No one else. Buck's arc in s4 was huge, and the one who had the final say was Eddie with the whole "because Evan" speech. He told him what he NEEDED to hear, not what he wanted and I think that's beautiful.

Eddie loves quietly, he's not as open and expressive as Buck, but he gets him and is his safe place.

Part of me is still hopeful that they're going to save this mess, but I'm pissed because even from a best friend standpoint what happened yesterday was awful. I really connect with Eddie because I've been there you know, I understand what he's going through and having your best friend rambling about his new shiny girlfriend that truly "sees him" after you just basically told him that you feel like you are going to die alone... auch.

I don't think they're actually going canon, but I sure hope that they at least get to save the friendship, and have Buck to give some comfort to Eddie, because baby girl needs it so much 😔

Yeah I mean. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed in Eddie's presence in the coma episodes. But watching the rest of 6b so far, it's hard to be upset at it when Eddie has been THE character working through it with Buck in literally every episode since. I knew the coma storyline would be very Bobby-centric (what with the Buckley parents being there and it being The Season Of Dads), but in retrospect I'm realizing that all the other characters needed their moment loving Buck, and that keeping Eddie out of it was more so that he could shine in the aftermath.

I wasn't going to get into it with the other anon, because it seemed pretty clear to me that they sympathize massively with Buck and do not care to delve into the reasoning behind why Eddie is the way he is, textually, but yeah, you've hit the nail on the head. I think the text very clearly explains the way Eddie shows he cares, the ways he's adapted it so Buck can hear what he needs to hear, and why Eddie might have trouble with that. Calling that fanon says more about that person's biases than anything else I think. Perhaps they're a little bit lawsuit-era-Buck-coded (sorry.)

Re: last night's episode, I understand the empathy for Eddie having to sit there and hear that. But at the same time, Buck is kind of notorious for missing the good things in his life and accidentally being a dick because of it, and I don't think they'd have given us that scene in all it's glory if it weren't setting up the fact that Buck's going to clue into reality sooner rather than later.

I don't think they'd be investing in buddie screentime if this wasn't a conflict that was gonna get resolved. I think back to 5b, Eddie telling Buck to "move on." That's a fucking hurtful thing to say to Evan Buckley, king of abandonment issues. But it was written for reason; we just have the power of hindsight for 5b to understand the bigger picture. They have a good track record of not letting inter-character conflict fizzle out into nothing, so I'm positive they have something good planned to resolve it.

Basically I wouldn't worry about the friendship, like, at all. A little hypocritical of me to say, since I spent all of 6a and the winter hiatus worried about the friendship, but 6b has massively assuaged those fears. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

drop your thoughts/theories/speculation on why you don't think buddie will go canon in my ask box because I'm curious (I'll be nice I promise)

[aajjks]

morning everyone!! ok, first thing’s first, who said yn wasn’t gonna suffer? i didn’t ask for that poll for nothing. i saw the results and i’m a woman of my word, you expect her to suffer but not die, so consider it done. as far as everything else, you don’t know what’s gonna happen. i don’t know either! i’m making it up as i go, i’m logging in and reading asks (your ideas/theories) until i get a “AHA!” moment. you don’t know how the story is going to end and honestly, neither do i. as far as “getting what we want” the feeling is mutual. i write something expecting you guys to like it, instead, i get a HUGE reality check and back to the drawing board i go. you have to brace yourself for something you’re either not gonna like, be surprised by, shocked, absolutely hate, or be disappointed by. i read everything, you know that and sometimes i do feel like “ehh, that’s not gonna work” or “i can use that later” it just depends. seeing as this has happened, you guys probably won’t send in stuff for awhile (😔 sad face) but i figured you needed to hear my input about it. okeyyy love you all dearly. gotta get back to work lol 🩷😅

~🫧

exactly. Like… just trust the process, we both are, some of you are also cooperating and excited and trust us.

[fishnapple]

Hi there!!! I hope you have a nice day! ;)

I saw your October mini game post and I really want to give it a try ✨

My name: Thu

HEX code of a colour: #b6cfae

So here a fact about me: I have pretty big burn scars from hot boiling water all over my left leg. It happened when I was like 3 or 4 years old. And I noticed that I have never ever felt insecured about it. Probably because I wear long pants/skirt all the time, people never say anything bad about them (because they don't know, obviously 😭). So, when I wear shorter types of clothes, I feel pretty confident because I feel like people actually don't care lmao. But that also makes me sad that how words can affect you in a bad way 😞 Like, those harsh words can make you think badly about yourself when in reality, you're amazing!!!

Also another fun fact 🤓☝️: Do you know that we have leap years in the Lunisolar calendar! I don't know if I'm just dumb or this fact is actually amazing because it's pretty random but whatever 😭😭😭 My mom just did a search about leap years in Lunisolar calendar (idk why) and asked me and honestly I know nothing about it until just now. I don't know how Lunisolar calendar works lmao 😭😭 I'm a bad Asian child fgjwofnslksbs

So yeah, that's all. And I'd love to hear messages about all of my studies (don't know how I should word this because English isn't my mother tongue😅) right now because I've been feeling very down for like, 4 years... I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have any clear plan for the future. Is the path I'm going worth my time?😞 University life is so sad...😞😞

Okaiy, that's it. Thank you so much for the mini game :3✨✨✨ Also, I love your readings so muuuuuch pls don't die 😔🙏

Hello Thu, thank you for sharing that fact about you and a fun fact about the calendar. You're right, with just a few words, a person's day or sometimes months, years or longer than that, can be affected, for better or for worse. You're really brave for embracing yourself like that.

The Lunisolar calendar can be so confusing, did you mean the extra leap month every 3 years? If I celebrated my birthday based on the Lunisolar calendar then I would probably have had only about 18~20ish birthdays by now, feel so young. 😎

About your last sentence, eh.., you can wish for my blog not to die, as for me, sorry, I will have to disappoint your wish someday 😅

The message for you: If you only focus on the hardship before you eyes, then you will miss the vision for the future ahead of you. What you're doing is laying foundation for your future, no matter how small, how boring the actions are. I do see a stable and fruitful future for you. But don't close yourself off, don't be in the solitary mindset. You might look at other people and see them doing all the fun things with their life, comparison is your worst enemy here.

October Mini game - Message from the Universe

[borathae]

Hello, how are you doing?

I am writing this after so long yk mv yoongi is my comfort character I think of him from time to time whenever I get into any trouble thank you for creating him

I am really grateful

Also I am in a lil trouble rn well not exactly trouble but it's fucking with my mind.

So I feel all the people who are in any sort of relation with me are disappointed with it like my family thinks I prioritize my friends more than them my friends think I am with them for my convenience only I meet them only when I want to and I don't think I prioritize myself too I just don't know what am I doing wrong like am I a bad friend i do put my feelings first before any person does that make me a bad person cuz I do this with my family too I feel bad because of it I feel like I don't care about any person in my life including family but it's not true maybe I am just taking them for granted i don't know 😔

Please help and sorry for the trauma dumping 😭😭😭

Mhm I can't really give you the best advice because I haven't seen the situation for myself yet. My speculations are that you could be healing from being a people pleaser. I know I always feel like the worst person ever whenever I set boundaries because for the longest time I people pleased as fuck and let people just walk all over me.

If that isn't the case then maybe ask for help from a professional because it could be something like OCD (this is an ASMR video but the creator has OCD and he talks about how sometimes his OCD episodes look like him thinking everyone hates him because he is the worst person ever and how he knows that this is just his OCD talking and not actual reality. My sister has OCD too and she has these phases too, hence I made this connection with you right now. BUT PLEASE GET A PROFESSIONAL DIAGONSIS FIRST BEFORE MAKING THIS CONCLUSION! THIS IS NOT AN OFFICIAL DIAGONSIS and I'm merely speaking from my own experiences!)

Whatever it might be, I hope you can feel better soon 💜

[rosenallies]

I absolutely adore kids and want to make them feel safe and cared for and be able to help them with their educational needs but being a teacher (or a parent) in this economy 🥲 no but fr I couldn’t be a teacher if I’m still living in the US for a million reasons and most of them have nothing to do with money 😔 It’s extremely disappointing because I’m in college and one of the only things I’m interested in pursuing is childhood development 🥲

Yeah, I wish I could tell you things are getting better but they really aren’t. The pay is horrible, the work demand is insane on top of that and most of it has to be done outside of working hours bc you just don’t have time to plan while the children are right in front of you! And the drama in every single school I’ve ever stepped foot in has been fucking insane 😭 like there should be an elementary school reality tv show bc it’s always something new every week that someone’s mad about like wtf 😭 it’s sad because all I’ve ever wanted to be was a teacher and it feels like sometimes if it doesn’t drastically improve soon idk if I can stay in education and I’m still a new teacher:/ for special education teachers the percentage that leave the field completely within 5 years is nearly 50% and I don’t want to be part of that but like …damn … I’m sorry I’m ranting about the state of education in this country but I understand you’re hesitance to get into education, I really do