#real life is too fucking bleak already

[icomehereforthefics]

Imagine getting mad at people who post fics using the general tags

If you don’t like what you’re seeing, then block the fucking tags! You can also block the blogs if you’re that bothered by it

Stop fucking expecting people to cater to whatever posts you like, learn to fucking use filters! Imagine being so fucking entitled that you expect people to only post the content you like IN THE GENERAL FANDOM TAG

Some of y’all need to be responsible for the content you consume instead of expecting everyone else to bend over backwards for you

It’s not that hard ffs

[futuremrscameron]

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱༻¨*:·bestie!kook·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱༻¨*:·

content warnings: toxic codependency, mutual obsession, discussions of antiblackness in predominantly white spaces, mentions of drugs/drug abuse, symptoms of bpd, discussion of colorism, sexual tension, misogyny, blood, violence, implied underage drinking, maternal issues, fear of abandonment, parental issues, classism, hinted/implied sexual content

bestie!kook is not spoiled, not bitchy, but a secret third thing (knows what the fuck she wants and doesn’t let anyone call her bitchy greedy or selfish). she’s an only child, of course she turned out this way.

bestie!kook lives in a mansion-like beach house and met kelce at the house party her parents threw to get to know their neighbors (flex on them). she and kelce both had the same idea of hiding out on the roof. they watched the stars, talked about school starting soon, and the struggles of being black in figure eight.

she hates her parents for moving her here.

okay hate might be a strong word but she’s not thrilled. she adjusts her halter green short chiffon dress as she sits down on the roof. she may be mad at her parents but she would never hear the end of it if she flashed the party guests. she removes her sparkly green heels and looks up at the stars. she knows there’s no real answer in the stars but looking at them has always helped her. she closes her eyes, ready to wish upon a star when she hears him.

“you mind if i chill with you?”

a dark skinned black boy she saw earlier at the party. kelce. he’s wearing a rose gold three piece suit with brown shoes. great taste in fashion? his parents definitely made him wear it.

“did my parents send you?”

“no.”

“did your parents send you?”

“no.” he chuckles

“huh.” interesting. “fine.”

he looks amused. she hates him already. “don’t jump for joy too much, i don’t know how sturdy your roof is.”

he chuckles, “that’s dark.”

“maybe.” he takes off his blazer and carefully places it on the space next to her. he sits down, arms holding his knees, looking up at the stars.

she breaks the silence when it becomes unbearable. “why are you here?”

he glanced at her and shards before turning his attention back to the stars. “party’s lame, not really my scene.”

“what’s your scene?”

he smiles, “you’ll find out soon.”

“you’re just assuming we’ll roll with the same crowd?”

he scoffs as if telling her not to play dumb. “please.”

she nods, understanding what he’s hinting at. “that bleak huh?”

he shrugs, “i’m not gonna lie and tell you i was the only black kid in school but… it’s no new york.”

“so ten times worse.”

he chuckles dryly, “exactly. before i came up here i was called “surprisingly well spoken”.”

she’s not surprised but it’s not what she wants to hear . especially not after getting her life uprooted by her parents the summer before her thirteenth birthday and moved them to the middle of nowhere.

“can’t say i’m surprised. i mean, not even an hour into the party some lady tried to touch my hair and some boy said “my skin looked good in green” fucking bitch.”

“oh we’re trading horror stories? in third grade my math teacher kept getting me confused with the other black boy in class.”

��let me guess he was light skinned.”

“light skinned. light as the fucking sun.”

they both laugh, not at the situation itself but the predictable action. when the laughter dies down he clears his throat.

“you know i have these two friends i think you’d like them.”

“only two? shocker.”

he sighs, “you ever hear the phrase ‘you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’?”

she raises an eyebrow, “is that what you tell yourself to get you through these parties? go along to get along?”

“basically.”

“there’s no way you actually believe that.”

“and what if i do? is that so awful?”

she looks at him, really looks at him for the first time that night. “i guess not.”

they sit in silence again.

“why?”

he looks at her. “why what?”

“why reach out to me? you could’ve just left me up here alone, let me be an outcast. why didn’t you?”

he stands up and picks up his blazer. he looks down at her and smiles. “i know you wanna look like this lone wolf cool girl but… i see you..”

his words send chills down her spine. she writes that off as the cool night air.

“fuck off.”

he chuckles. “see you monday.”

he later invited her to a party the saturday before school and the rest is history.

bestie!kook is kook princess before sarah. the most popular girl in school and in outer banks, an amazing feat for someone who wasn’t born and raised in obx. she was known for her jaw dropping beauty, affluent family, and strange friendship with the kook boys. rafe, kelce, topper, and her were very popular and not just cause they were the richest. the parties they threw are still talked about to this day

bestie!kook who everyone assumes is sweet because of her bright colored outfits when in actuality she’s blunt, cold, stand-off ish, and at times, a genuine menace. she once planted coke on a girl and got her expelled for distribution all cause she didn’t like the way she looked at rafe at a party

four years after moving to obx and she can’t imagine being anywhere else.

“i guess i’m just trying to understand why and how she could do something like this. she was top of the class!” tiffany pushes a honey blonde french curl braid off her shoulder and behind her back. she brushes down her uniform's skirt and fiddles with her loose tie.

tiffany was bestie!kook’s first black girl friend in outer banks. she moved there a year after her which tiffany thinks was fate. they met in pre-algebra, tiffany helped bestie!kook solve a problem that was kicking her ass. they got to talking and have been best friends ever since. she was genuinely kind and despite popular belief, really fucking smart. academically not socially.

“please, this is totally on brand for girls like her, they think they’re too smart to get caught. did you hear her talking about ‘academic immunity’ when they arrested her? that’s not a thing!”

gianna, was the only obx native in the trio. though she transferred from kildare county high school to kildare private academy in the middle of the semester last year. she was tiffany's complete opposite in every way, she wore the complete uniform with no alterations, was more of a loner than a social butterfly, and rocked bold makeup rather than tiffany's go-to subdued look.

she and bestie!kook got along immediately despite being so similar and horribly blunt. bestie!kook loved her no bullshit attitude and disregard for standard kook faux niceties. she also loved that they were close in skin tone. she adored tiffany but there were some things the light skinned girl just couldn’t understand.

bestie!kook stifles a laugh at her friend’s remark and thanks the heavens that her face is buried in the locker so they can’t see her grin. they’re talking about the scandalous affair that they witnessed less than an hour ago but she’s too hungover to care.

she opens her locker and lifts her sunglasses to cheek herself in her locker’s newly bedazzled mirror.

“but still, ashley? ashley who calls weed marijuana expelled for selling coke!? personal feelings aside you can’t tell me that’s not totally sketch.” tiffany’s cheeks are flushed from her raising her voice and screaming about her conspiracy theory. she fans her face, trying to calm herself down. her usual light skin has some more melanin to it after spending her summer outside tanning.

“yes i can. it’s not insane, she acted like she was better than everyone, people like that always have some shit to hide.” gianna frowns at tiffany’s sympathy for the girl.

“but she was always nice to me.” tiffany frowns at the newfound information.

“gee i wonder why.” the dark skinned girl unwraps a piece of bubblegum and pops it in her mouth. “that bitch had it coming. you remember when she wrote that “anonymous” column about how certain students need to ‘speak properly and appropriately at school’. should’ve beat her ass then, pick-me ass bitch.”

“we don’t know that that was her.”

“she’s already been through so much.”

“please did you see the way she looked at rafe? she totally wanted him.”

tiffany frowns, not at the slight directed at her but the new information. “really? i never noticed.”

bestie!kook loved her but she was never great at paying attention to details and believed people always honest about their intentions. she also had certain blind spots like anti-blackness that wasn’t blatantly obvious.

“of course you didn’t.”

“hey!” tiffany's face is red with anger and embarrassment.

bestie!kook slams her locker shut, drawing both girls attention to her. she sighs and punches the bridge of her nose. “it’s too early for this shit.”

the girls apologize at the same time. bestie!kook frowns, “i don’t want you girls fighting over someone so… insignificant.”

they both look like they want to argue their points to her further but are (thankfully) interrupted by none other than rafe cameron.

rafe throws his arm around bestie!kook reader and gives the other girls a semi-friendly smile. “hey ladies.”

“hey rafe!”

“cameron.”

bestie!kook pouts, “what, no greeting for me?”

rafe turns his attention to her. he still towers over her despite her heeled shoes.

he shrugs, “well you ditched me this morning and we saw each other in home room." his tone is nonchalant but she knows him, his real feelings always show in his eyes. his stare is cold, if looks could kill she'd burn under his gaze.

she scoffs, “okay 'ditched' is crazy, i drove myself to school one time and home room was hours ago i want a new greeting.”

“hmm.”

his cold response irks her. she glances at her girls and they get the message.

gianna clears her throat. “we should probably get going tiff.”

tiffany frowns, “what but this is our free period?”

“which is why we made plans remember?”

“we did?”

she grabs tiffany's hand and drags her away. “yes.”

“ooh can we go to chick-fil-a!?”

“sure babe.”

rafe turns his attention back to bestie!kook, "what were you guys talking about?"

she closes her locker and takes off her sunglasses. “nothing.”

he removes his arm from around her shoulder and blocks her view of the hallway. “it was ashley wasn't it.”

of course he knew. "if you knew why the fuck would you ask?"

"well fuck me for giving you the benefit of the doubt."

"benefit of the doubt for what!?"

"to tell me the truth!" they've gained the attention of some students and admin by now. she blushes and grabs his hand, "come on." she drags him away and doesn't stop til they reach the janitor's closet.

"i know this is about last night. you know you can tell me anything right?" his strikingly blue eyes shine with worry.

she nods. “okay.”

she tells him everything. that morning she threw on her sunglasses after donning her uniform with a plan in mind. she hadn’t even carpooled with rafe like they usually do just so she could get there early and set her plan in motion. she had ashley write her a fake doctor’s note for her sunglasses and hugged her to show her appreciation. the girl was caught off guard and that’s when she planted the coke on her.

rafe is stunned into silence. he looks down at her, “you did that for me?” his voice is uncharacteristically soft.

she looks up at him through her eyelashes. “i’d do anything for you.”

bestie!kook might be a nepo baby but she works for her money. she has her own business doing hair and opened up outer banks's first beauty supply store at 19. her grandma thought her when she was young cause she hated having to wait on her to book (mostly home) appointments, with her busy schedule.

bestie!kook and kelce are like siblings in the way they argue. a lot of the figure eight residents also think they’re related but that’s something else entirely. he was her first friend in obx after all and is one if the few black kids in figure eight.

bestie!kook cleans up her diy hair station in her living room as kelce follows her around.

“if you’re gonna be here you might as well help.” she shoves a large container of hair into his hands. he looks down at it and back up at her, she’s already moved onto another location.

he catches up to her easily. she curses his long legs internally. “what about the friend discount?”

“doesn’t apply to you after you broke my fucking vanity.”

he pouts. “how long are you gonna hold that against me?”

“forever. don’t ask me stupid questions.”

“okay if not for me then do it for my sister.”

“that’s not fair.”

“she really wants to look good for her eight grade formal and i know it’s last minute so i’ll pay extra.”

he gives her his best puppy dog eyes. she looks disgusted.

she rolls her eyes and sighs, “fine. but only ‘cause i love your sister.”

“yes!” he gives her his best boyish smiles, “and i know you love me too.”

“please. you’re lucky i don’t gut you with this comb.”

“jesus.”

bestie!kook who puts up a wall to stop people from getting too close because she believes when you let people in that’s when you get hurt. rafe changes that for her

bestie!kook and rafe being so close is a surprise to everyone in town until they get to know her. they’re the same but different. he trusts her more than anyone else, it’s why he tells her everything from his mom leaving when he was young to killing peterkins

bestie!kook whose fashion can be described in five words; bright colors and mini skirts

bestie!kook who is always the best dressed at midsummer and always goes with rafe

year 1

year 2

year 3

year 4

year 5

year 6

year 7

bestie!kook goes to the main land a lot cause the local shops just don’t have what she wants and brings rafe along nine times out of ten

rafe and bestie!kook planned their shopping day to the mainland weeks in advance. it was the perfect date. emphasis on 'was'. topper joined last minute because he was in a bad mood after sarah made him look stupid. again.

bestie!kook runs around the shop like a kid in a candy store picking up dresses, tops, shorts, and skirts and putting them in her cart.

"rafe!" she runs over to rafe and shows him her newest find. "isn't this the cutest?"

rafe smirks, "you gonna model it for me."

she bites her lower lip, "maybe if you’re good"

he chuckles as she skips away. he looks to his left and spots his friend frowning. "what?"

topper jumps slightly like a kid who's been caught taking extra halloween candy. "nothing."

his passivity has always irritated rafe, "just spit it out. i don't want you sulking for the rest of the day."

topper takes a deep breath, preparing himself to speak and for rafe's reaction. “i’m just saying man no disrespect to you or her but i wouldn’t let my girl leave the house wearing shit like that.”

“damn this is hard. listen to the man who got cheated on and punked in front of a crowd and called me crying about it and begging for my help at 3 a.m. or keep doing what i'm doing." rafe pretends to be deep in thought, tapping his chin and furrowing his brows. “i think i’m good.”

topper frowns, "you said you wouldn't bring that up again."

bestie!kook and rafe’s relationship is the topic of many discussions, people don’t know if they’re just friends, dating, or friends with benefits. the main questioners are the camerons and topper the topic usually comes up at breakfast which ward mandates a family event.

bestie!kook whose boyfriend best friend rafe has scary dog privileges. he’ll fight anyone, girls included he doesn’t give a fuck.

bestie!kook loves getting high with rafe cause they balance each other out. she gets all deep in thought and philosophical and he gets pathetic and horny.

bestie!kook, smoking leisurely: you know… while i was away, when i felt down… i would climb up to my roof and look to the stars. it was comforting knowing you were under the same stars. 400 miles away with the same constellations, isn't that crazy?

rafe, on his third line, pupils so dilated he looks like an excited kitten: can yuo put that out on me?

bestie!kook loves partying with rafe, whether it’s a party thrown by one of them, their friends, or a boneyard party they’re there one never far from the other

rafe doesn’t dance. it’s not that he can’t he’s just not into it. at parties he’s either selling, drinking, or doing coke. unless he’s with bestie!kook. she's sitting on his lap while he counts money. he's doing a line off her tits and he's placing an ecstasy pill on her tongue. she’s dragging him to the dance floor. slow dancing leads to grinding which leads to one of them dragging the other to a private area and coming back 30 minutes later with ruffled clothes and hair.

bestie!kook who uses rafe’s need for approval and complex maternal issues to combat being on the receiving end of his misogyny make sure she comes out unscathed compared to the other women in his life

rafe comes to her after melting the cross. it's almost midnight when she answers the aggressive knocking and sees a bloody rafe.

“oh my god.” he pushes past her into the house muttering something to himself. she closes the door and follows after him, “rafe.” he continues pacing and muttering like he doesn’t hear her. “rafe!”

“it’s all my fault. everyone’s gonna know. they’re gonna- just gotta- gotta fix it i can’t fix it.”

“rafe!” he snaps out of his daze and finally meets her eyes. there’s blood around his mouth and bruises on his hand.

“what happened?”

“um..” he sniffs and wipes at his nose. “i tried to fix it.” his voice cracks, barely hiding the sadness in his voice. “i tried i did but i- i just made it worse.”

she holds her arms out. he melts into her arms and shrinks himself down to fit in her hold. “i’m sorry.”

she caresses his head. “hey it’s okay. it’s okay.”

bestie!kook is 99% positive rafe does not like women. he’s definitely attracted to them but she doesn’t think he views them as people. over the years she’s noticed that rafe puts women into two categories; caretakers and objects of desire

bestie!kook doesn’t strictly fall into either category so it breaks his brain a little bit trying to figure out how he should treat her which leads to many of their fights

they're at a party a when he pulls her off the dance floor and away from her dancing partner and takes her to an empty room.

"what the fuck rafe!?" she screams as she watches his lock the door.

he stalks towards her, “so what you’re just throwing yourself at any guy who’s nice to you?”

“fuck you rafe! you’re just mad he had the guts to admit what you’ve been thinking all these years.”

he scoffs, “is that what you think? huh?” he chuckles and moves closer, every time he takes a step forward she takes a step back. “yeah i bet you’d like that wouldn’t you? you know i thought you were a nice girl but you’re just like every other slut in this party.”

“i’m not talking to you. not when you’re being like this.”

“like what?”

“an asshole! i don’t like talking to you when you’re being an asshole, rafe. okay?”

he chuckles coldly, “what you think you’re better than me?”

his movements are twitchy, scratching his ear one second and rubbing his head the next and his pupils are dilated.

she frowns, he's really high right now. "look i don't have time for this back and forth bullshit okay?"

he frowns, "it's not bullshit okay and and i just i don’t get you. you lose your shit when i talk to a girl but here you are doing worse. do you know how it makes me look? my best friend dry humping some guy on the dance floor?”

“of course it’s about you. it’s always back to being about you. you’re so fucking selfish!”

“hey!” he grabs her face, squeezes her cheeks with his hand. “you think you’re better than me is that it?”

she scratches at his hand and pushes at his chest but when he’s high he’s like a whole different being. “let go.”

“i’m just trying to figure out what your end goal is.”

“stop it rafe!” she pushes him away, tears in her eyes and fire the first time she looks genuinely afraid of him. that sobers him up real quick.

“i’m sorry.” he reaches out to her but she slaps his hand away.

“fuck you rafe.” she storms past him, leaving him stewing in self hatred and regret.

bestie!kook who lets him in when he apologizes the next day like clockwork saying the usual right things

“i’m sorry. i was high and-”

“you said some really hurtful things rafe.”

“i know.”

she can’t stay mad at him, not when he gets on his knees and begs for her forgiveness. begs her not to leave him.

bestie!kook who is an icon to many of obx’s young women. she doesn’t take shit from anyone. especially not men.

“hey jj, she said she doesn’t want the drink fuck off.”

“well if it isn’t the future mrs cameron. shouldn’t you be busy buying his coke or something?”

“so funny! hey stop me if you’ve heard this one, white trash pogue joins father in jail after forcing sketchy beverage on sarah cameron, daughter of prominent figure of the community?”

“fuck you.”

“byyeeee.” she smiles and wiggles her fingers while waving. she turns back to sarah, “sorry about that.”

sarah looks at her in awe, “thanks, sorry you had to do that.”

“please, we girls gotta look out for each other. plus you could put in a good word for me with your brother.”

“my god.”

bestie!kook whose relationship with the camerons is all over the place. rafe is her favorite but sarah is her biggest supporter (after rafe of course). she often lends an ear to her when she fights with rafe though she’s not the most helpful and her bias shows.

it’s 1 a.m. on a saturday when bestie!kook sees topper’s instagram story and spotted rafe in the background with his tongue down some girl’s throat. she sits on her bed crying while gianna and sarah comfort her.

“i told you he wasn’t shit.”

sarah nods, “gianna’s right, you deserve better”

gianna sobs harder, “why didn’t i call tiffany?”

“because you wanted the truth not to be coddled.”

bestie!kook continues crying as sarah rubs her shoulder.

“hey he’s a dick.”

“he’s your brother sarah.”

“which is why i know it better than anyone.”

bestie!kook who treats wheezie like the little sister she’s always wanted. rafe says she spoils her but she doesn’t care she finds the girl absolutely adorable.

she takes wheezie out for a girls day filled with ice cream, shopping, and fireworks watching. all good things can’t last long though which is why rafe calls her while she’s out with wheezie. she answers the phone cheerfully, “hi rafe.”

“i miss you.” she can almost hear his pout over the phone.

“i miss you too. but i promised wheezie i’d take her out for ice cream.”

“you spoil her. it’s why she acts like that..”

she rolls her eyes. “look i gotta go, my favorite cameron’s calling me.”

“haha. wait do you really mean that? hello!?”

“bye rafe.”

bestie!kook and ward’s relationship is a bit strained, he likes her but he worries about her impact on his son’s fragile state and her hold over him. he’s like a wise father figure with a sketchy past and present.

bestie!kook who is actually sweet to rafe. everyone notices the way she is seeing others vs the way she acts around him. goes from ambivalent god to schoolgirl in love

he comes to her often crying about ward’s mistreatment and distrust. when ward kicks him out he goes to her.

“you shouldn’t be just tell me to fuck off. i’m more trouble then it’s worth.”

she frowns, “don’t say that that’s not true.”

he sniffles and shakes his head. she doesn’t know how to help him, she hates seeing him in pain like this. she slowly and gently reaches out to him and grabs his hand. she feels him tense and gives his hand a soft squeeze,. “you’ll always have me. i’m on your side.”

that’s exactly what he needed to hear.

bestie!kook and rose don’t get along much. rose is very passive aggressive and bestie!kook is very blunt. unstoppable force immovable object.

bestie!kook notices rafe’s coke use is becoming more frequent ever since he came back from the bahamas. she wants to help rafe get better but there’s only so much she can do. people (ward and rose) often forget she’s just a kid, she loves rafe but love isn’t enough to save him.

“mrs. cameron-”

“please no need for formalities you’re practically family. call me rose.”

“okay rose. i’m not gonna beat around the bush cause i respect you. i think rafe should go to rehab.”

“what?”

“it’s on the mainland and i know it seems sudden and all but i’ve noticed him getting worse and i’m scared that- that if we don’t act now. before we know it- it’ll be too late and i- i don’t wanna lose him.”

her voice catches in her throat as she thinks of rafe’s declining mental state and growing drug use. rose hugs her and softly rubs her back.

“hey hey it’s okay it’s okay. you really love him.”

she sniffles and nods. rose nods, “then don’t mention this to him. forget about it.”

“excuse me?”

“he’s going through a lot right now.”

“yeah no shit that’s why he needs this.”

“why now? hm? why the sudden change in heart?” when she doesn’t get an answer she scoffs, “you spend all this time going to parties, coming here at good knows when high out of your minds and now you care? why? cause it’s affecting you now?”

“that’s not true. i care about him.”

“then don’t do this to him. not now not while he’s in such a fragile state.”

she scoffs, “please. like you care. we all know this isn’t him its about preserving great cameron name and its bullshit legacy.”

“keep your fucking voice down.” she glares at the girl. “you have some nerve coming to our house with this holier than thou bullshit. especially in our time of grief.”

she marches over to to the door and opens it, “i think it’s time for you to go.”

bestie!kook scoffs but walks to the door, not wanting to give the woman any more of her time. she glared at the woman, “if anything happens to him it’s on you.”

bestie!kook finds renfield’s dead body in the truck

she didn’t mean to truly. she was just worried about rafe and went looking for him in his own. he hadn’t been home for a while she wasn’t expecting him to be there, much less there with a dead body.

“it’s not what it looks like.”

she gasps, “rafe.”

“don’t scream.” breathing heavily, he looks at her lips then her eyes. “i didn’t kill him.”

she meets his eyes. “i believe you.”

his eyes widen in relief and shock. the upper corner of his mouth twitches up, the ghost of a smile. “i don’t why i ever doubted you.”

she looks back at the body and frowns. “what are we gonna do?”

“we?”

“if you think i’m gonna let you do this alone you really don’t know me.”

bestie!kook who is crushed when rafe leaves for guadeloupe. she stays in her room and cries believing that he’s gone for good. her friends and parents are worried at

bestie!kook who gets a knock on her door on her balcony window when she wakes up and runs to grab the gun she got after everything that went down with rafe and barry

she slowly approaches her window and opens her curtains with her gun drawn.

“hey.”

“rafe?” to say she’s shocked would be an understatement. “what the fuck are you doing here?” her tone hurts his chest but it doesn’t surprises him.

“i understand you’re mad.”

“understatement of the year.”

“but i can explain everything.”

“okay go.”

as far as explanations go. it’s not the worst excuse she’s ever heard. he pulls her into a tight hug. she could never stay mad at him for long.

“don’t ever leave me again.” it’s muffled into his chest.

“i won’t.”

————————————-———————————-

i really hope y’all liked this one it took me a minute. comment your thoughts, criticism is welcome as always but keep it classy. <3

[burningcheese-merchant]

A Thought About Burning Spice Cookie

I was kind of just going about my business today when I had a sort of... revelation, I guess? About Burning Spice. Looking back, I'm not really sure why it took me so long to think of this, but I like to live by the ideal "the best time was then, the second best time is now", so here we go.

Burning Spice was once the Herald of Change (or History, in the original Korean text). He was said to have fought for and defended fledgling civilizations in the distant past, protecting people and helping them in dark times. His throne decor even says he used to let people into his palace and allow them to engage in honest discussion with him about their problems, after which he'd get up and go out and do something about those problems. He sounded like a pretty swell guy... until he got bored with everything and went insane, of course. But here's the thing.

I think I understand why he ended up this way.

To put it as vaguely as possible, I do stuff in real life that may or may not have something to do with history as a subject. And I will gladly tell you all point-blank: history is fucking horrible. History is bleak. History is dark and cruel. The more you dive into it, the more it appears to you as a joke without a punchline. History is a drama, a tragedy, and a big fucking farce all at the same time.

Of course Burning Spice got tired of it. I get tired of it sometimes. Because sometimes, all history ever seems to be is a bunch of delinquents writing "I'm a bad kid" on the chalkboard repeatedly forever and ever. Just a bunch of bad people hurting each other for reasons that'll only come across as stupid long after they've all died at each other's hands. I'm sure Burning Spice started to think "what's even the point of building anything if someone is just going to come tear it down?" And it's hard to not think that when that's what ALWAYS happens. That's what history is a lot of the time. Brutal competition. A war of all against all.

The cure to the cynicism and melancholy history can and will inflict on you, at least in my opinion, is... to stop dwelling on it, honestly. At the end of the day, you have to remember that the past is gone. What's done is done. Things happen and sometimes, you can't do anything about it. You can't go back and save Lincoln from being assassinated. You can't go back and stop the Holocaust. You can't go back and save the world from all those wars and famines and disease epidemics. History both changes constantly and is unchanging at the same time. You have to make peace with what you cannot change - the past - and move forward, because time won't wait for you. We have to remember these things, these dark times; we all have a duty to do so, for the sake of those that came before us and those that will come after. But we also have to remember to live for the sake of those around us here and now. It is the present that shapes the world the most. It is in the present that we find true happiness. Not in the yellowed pages of old textbooks about the past and not in the pie-in-the-sky fever dreams we have about the future.

I think that's what fucked Burning Spice over. He forgot to live in the present. He was so focused on bringing about change, so absorbed in giving everything he had to everyone else, so invested in preserving the past and paving the way for the future, that he started losing sight of what was already there in front of him. His friends. His people. Too much time spent on the bigger picture and not enough spent on the tiny details that don't seem important at first glance, but when you look closer, you realize are what made the whole, entire picture as big as it is in the first place. He, like many do, like I do, began to see how cyclical and futile history can really be. He just saw people looking for reasons to hurt one another and destroy anything good they'd built together. Civilizations that were once grand and prosperous falling to anarchy. Clans with close ties turning against one another. Friend groups fracturing. All this hard work, undone, over and over again. And for what? What did they do any of this for? What did HE do any of this for?

I think his descent into villainy was slow, but sure. A little piece of his soul crumbling to dust with every person he felt like he failed because whatever great change he enacted was undone and everyone else suffered for it. And no one was ever really there to help steer him back onto the right path. Not his friends, not his family, not his people at large. Whether this was because they didn't know he was hurting like this (he seems like the type to keep things close to the chest anyway), they didn't know how to help or comfort him, or they didn't care, ultimately does not matter; regardless, it boils down to Burning Spice never being reminded to find solace in those around him right now, instead of constantly fretting over those before or after.

Maybe if he did remember, if he paid more attention to what IS and not what WAS or what WILL BE, he could've been saved. If he'd let Shadow Milk tell him more about his books and the little puppets he liked to craft. If he listened to Eternal Sugar play her harp more. If he sat and played a few more rounds of Go with Mystic Flour. If he had a friendly sparring match or two extra with Silent Salt. If he ate and drank and danced with his fellow spices like he probably used to like doing. If he stopped thinking he always had to be this larger-than-life figure who lorded over and protected society, and just let himself breathe and be a normal, happy person. It wouldn't make the ultimate folly of history sting any less, but he could have at least made peace with it and continued onward in spite of it.

But he didn't. He succumbed to history's poison, like so many have and so many will. And in an ironic twist of fate, which you will also often find throughout history, the tide of change swallowed him whole and drowned him. He let the failures of yesterday color his perception of today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that. More and more people came across to him as bad actors until the whole world was just a devil's stage play, and it was being performed at his expense. Hard work and self-sacrifice lost their flavor. He tried to keep going, tried to keep pushing. Maybe he knew what was happening to him on some level and fought desperately to save himself. Put duct tape over the cracks in a dam, because that's probably all it amounted to, because the wisdom he needed didn't exist within him at that time and he didn't/couldn't find it anywhere else. Pushed forward even when he couldn't see where he was going anymore. Until every muscle in his body hurt. Until he'd lived long enough to see everything he ever lived and worked for be taken apart for scrap, for a vendetta, for shits and giggles.

Until he started looking at those bandits and warlords and terrorists he used to help put away and thinking... "hey. Maybe they're seeing something I'm not. If nothing else at all, they sure look like they're having fun. Way more than I am right now." Until he gave in to despair and grew bitter, and thought "well, if nothing I do really matters, if destroying it all is what makes people happy, then maybe I should give it a shot."

And then he became a bandit, a warlord, a terrorist. He turned into all those people he hated and continues to hate today. He cut out the middle-man and just ended lives before they could begin. Razed civilizations to the ground because that was what was going to happen anyway, whether it be by his hand or someone else's. What does it even matter? What does anything matter? This is all history is. Pain and suffering. He's only doing what's natural. He's solving problems before they can even occur, really. He's doing everyone a REAL favor. Destruction truly is the only way.

The best way to make the world a better place is to make the lives of those around you better first. Even just helping the one person makes a difference in its own way. Think less about making history by winning a war or toppling a regime and more about making history in an old person's life by helping them up when they fall down. Or making history in a dog's life by volunteering at an animal shelter. Or making history in your friends' lives by having a fun day with them that they'll remember and cherish even on their deathbeds. Change doesn't have to be grand. It doesn't need to be an all-consuming tide that rises above the tallest buildings. It can just be gentle waves and seafoam, washing over the sand and kissing one's feet. That's enough, more often than not. More than one might realize.

Maybe if somebody made sure Burning Spice kept this in mind, he wouldn't have turned into a Beast in the end.

TL;DR: History is shit. Him losing it makes perfect sense. It probably would've happened to me, too. Somebody should've been there to keep him grounded. Everyone failed him and he failed himself. Remember to live in the present. YO SOCRATES, IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE

[pressureplus]

HEYA HELLO HI

first, i want to genuinely thank you guys for the account's existence and your hard work. reading through the posts is often the highlight of my bleak days, and im immensely grateful for you providing those moments of joy :]

SECOND UH ID LIKE TO ORDER A SPECIFIC KINDA HEADCANONS LIST IF NO ONE MINDS AND IT HASN'T BEEN WRITTEN ALREADY ALRIGHT YEAH

a nonbinary reader who is pretty similar to Seb's stubborn, independent and sassy persona but WOMP WOMP, they're suddenly head over heels for him. NEITHER WANTS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEELINGS (aka "HE'S FUCKING MARRIED, IT'S NOT MUTUAL AND IM BUSY WITH NOT DYING, BUT I CANT GET HIM OUT OF MY HEAD" & "I HAVE A WIFE AND THEY'RE JUST SOME EXPENDABLE BASTARD, GET OVER IT, SOLACE"). the distracting, unnecessary, painful pining. how do both cope and who's gonna break first? and most importantly, is either gonna throw their ego and rationality out the window to confess despite the fear of looking pathetic?

oooof i hope it's not too much and it's not breaking any rules. thank you in advance if you find it interesting enough for writing! :D

Awww, thanks so much! Although I should make it very clear the wife in question will remain vague and is NOT BASED ON ANYONE! Thanks for the request ❤️

♡Married! Sebastian Solace x NB! Similar! Reader Headcannons♡

Warnings: Sebastian is Married and Y/N is technically an Affair Partner

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

He had found you interesting from the moment you opened your mouth and got sassy with him, mostly because most people don't have the balls to do it

Despite finding this slightly irritating, he also found it refreshing, so he didn't immediately shoot you if only for his own entertainment

A terrible mistake he'd soon find out

He developed some definitely unhealthy feelings the first time one of your comebacks had an almost flirtatious undertone

It was an accident on your part, but it got him thinking

He was a married man fawning quietly over you, how awful is that?

I mean of course he’s flashed the wedding band, and of course he's mentioned his wife when others flirt with him, but that doesn't change his feelings

If you flirted with him, would he really reject you?

Could he?

He hadn't known the touch of his wife in years, the softness of her hands, the warmth of her kisses

After everything that's happened he couldn't even remember her name. He should be able to remember his wifes name right?

Does he really even care about her? Does he love her now? Did he love her then?

It comes with an odd sense of guilt he doesn't like to look at. Especially when you do something that makes his heart flutter.

You, on the other hand, probably didn't develop any real feelings until he actually saved your ass.

You'd been running for your life and he’d snatched you up and into the vents, tossing you easily into his shop and shutting it behind you

His gaze transfixed on said vent, a hand on his gun. Something about him choosing to save your life while also putting up with your attitude was a little attractive…

Okay, insanely attractive

Sure, Sebastian’s guilt for being attracted to you is bad, but so is yours

You’re attracted to a married man who has absolutely gushed about his wife in front of you before. Even if it was only because someone tried to get a little flirty, what does that matter?

Honestly the mutual attraction makes it hard for you both to focus

Everything about that man is intoxicating, his smile, his laugh, his attitude. Can you really be judged for this?

Neither of you can focus on anything but each other whenever you’re both in a room.

It’s led to Sebastian getting surprised whenever another person buys something off him because he had no idea anyone else was in here

Its also led to you freaking out whenever one of the other expendable touches your shoulder without you having realized anyone was standing behind you

You hide it well…at least you hope you do?

The longing glances and quiet staring on both sides is unbearable though

Especially considering you’re both making those dolly eyes at each other, batting lashes and daydreaming

It’s cute but it’s also incredibly wrong of you two and you’re painfully aware of it

No amount of sharing food and acting like it’s not a date will make it less of a date

He’s already long since decided that he’s going to offer you come with him so you both can leave together

And though neither of you will have the heart to confess for quite a while, I think he’d do it on your way out. Something about you almost dying when you both escape makes him desperate to tell you how he really feels

When that ‘I think I’m in love with you’ slips out while he’s bandaging your arm that’s been cut by glass, how can you refuse?

Especially when you’re in love with him too?

He’ll toss that ring into the ocean once you reach the surface, his wife never loved him like you did anyway

[sillyblues]

Omg for that Miguel O'hara fanfic where the reader was called annoying. Can the reader return back to her dimension and Miguel is trying to contact her and sends someone to go check up on her. But the person comes back and shakes his head at Miguel, saying they weren't there so Miguel asks Lyla for the reader's location. She's in an alleyway or rooftop and she just tells Miguel she doesn't want to talk. Miguel brought the bear too, just to show that he does care about her and the gifts she gives him. You could change some of these ideas. :] -c

ੈ✩‧₊˚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: sorry this took me long to reply because i had to at least push a part of the preggo fic before i write this and this wasn't included on annoying part 2, i rlly considered this but the idea i had in mind with this was an angsty one and i wanted a happy ending for it so yeah :(( but still here's an alternate ending of annoying!

Miguel O’Hara was an asshole.

And he knew that of course, because he was the one who made this persona to protect himself from getting hurt. He had to be a real piece of shit so that he couldn’t get attached to anyone and wouldn’t get hurt if the universe inevitably ripped their arms away from his again.

But you. Oh god, you.

You were the reason why he had to wear a mask, a lie. You were so beautiful that his bleak world of loneliness was shattered with just a smile. Your voice brings back life in the void that resides in his heart. Your touch heals the hurting man that he so desperately tries to hide.

Like a moth attached to a flame, he easily got attached to you. And he hated that. He promised himself that he would not let anybody in and love anyone but God, it was fucking you. When he realised his mistake, he tried to be mean. He tried to regain and be in control of himself again (because he couldn’t get a hold of himself when it came to you) so that he wouldn’t be hurt ever again. He tried to ignore you despite his mind clinging to a word that you say and the urge to just be near you, to see you.

But when you fell from the platform, he was instantly reminded of his daughter, who disappeared into atoms and molecules, into thin air in his arms. He was instantly reminded of Gabriella, who the universe ripped away from his awms. His body reacted instinctively.

No. He had already lost her. He didn’t want to lose you again. 

Don’t do this to me. Don’t hurt me again.

In fear of losing you, he didn’t know he had hurt you. And when he realised it, it was too late. You ran away in tears, in pain that he caused and fuck, he was a piece of shit. He bitterly chuckled as he cried as he clutched the teddy bear you gave him. His tears fell on its fur, and he kneeled.

Miguel O’Hara was an asshole because he had to be one so that nobody couldn’t hurt him but when he had hurt you instead, he found himself questioning himself.

.

.

. 

Miguel knew you just as you knew him. When Peter came back to his office with no news of you, he quickly knew where you were. So he went to you himself instead and just as he knew, you were there on the rooftop of your apartment sitting with your back facing him. He clutched the teddy bear as he walked towards you.

His heart hammered against his chest and rang in his eardrums. His jaw was clenched and a part of him wants to hide forever but at the same time, he needed to apologize to you for what he have said and done. You did not deserve him but you deserved an apology.

But what if you didn’t want him anymore?

“What are you doing here, Miguel?” your hoarse voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he could hear the long time you cried and the pain that laced with it. His heart stung at the memory of him yelling at you once more.

“[Name]...” he whispered out your name and he was reminded of the days he thought of apologizing to you, days of saying your name as practised his apologies, and now that he was finally here in front of you, the owner of the name he desperately called out was in front of him, he didn't know what he was feeling. “I'm here to apologize.”

“You don't need to. It's fine. I don't really care anymore.” you said as you still looked ahead. his eyes widened at your figure that seemed so smaller than ever before.

“No, [Name], you should care. I was an asshole, a huge piece of shit and you didn't deserve that—”

“Last time I cared, I got shouted at telling me I'm annoying!” you snapped as you finally turned around and looked at him. He finally saw you but he didn't want to see you this way. He didn't want to see you hurting and in pain.

“I'm really sorry, please believe me, I didn't mean any of those, please.” he desperately begged and a part of him wondered how would his past self react if he knew of him for doing the exact thing he didn't want to do. If his past self saw him now, attached to someone enough to beg them to believe him, there was no doubt he would go insane. And he was insane. He was insane for all of this. He was insane for you.

“Liar,” your lip trembled and his heart broke at the sight of you crying again. “No, Miguel, you said what you needed to say and it's enough for me. I was a problem, I get it.”

“Let's just end this now. I quit. I give up.” your tears fell from your cheeks and he wanted to comfort you, to hold you, to wipe your tears. But he couldn't. The hopelessness in your voice destroyed him.

He caused that. He hurt you.

Miguel was only terrified of the fear that the universe would take you away if he got close to you and in his fear, he was the one that took you away from him instead.

tag-list: (i'm sorry if i wasn't able to tag you!) @nxrdamp @um-well @nanasdumbworld @myconglomerateromance @sleepyamaya @harlekin6 @bittersw33t-lotus @saturnknows @miggyoharaswife @innergardentoadpony @asobriquet @mimooyi @misscaller06 @sciencethot @vainillasmil157 @just-a-mothboi @katsukiswrld @zukiizuks @cumbermovels @bigmood-myman @momos-peaches @lunrai @saint-chlorine @themoonsaynotocircus @deputy-videogamer @brittney69 @armins-ocean-seashell @galadrien02 @ranp01 @witherfag @eileen201804 @daryldixonh0e @chinglewingledingledong @mystar-girl57 @lorarri @poopoobuttsy @scarletsloveletter@mimimarvelingmarvel @tfygcdy @skulfan1 @roryrose327 @gamersansblog

[allwormdiet]

Arc 1: Gestation, Concluding Thoughts

Two days in the life of Taylor Hebert, with a bonus one night in the life of Danny Hebert. Let's break it down.

Right now, initial feelings are really positive. I like this arc, I get why people are in on this in such a hardcore fashion, like it's making sense to me as I'm reading it. The characterization is really strong, the A to B plot is cool, and the first fight scene was a fucking banger to open up with.

And like, shit, I get why Taylor is throwing herself into cape life, right? Civilian life is already such fucking misery for her, utterly alone and the only person who's theoretically in her corner is sympathetic but just as helpless as she is. Yeah sure, mortal peril, but if she had nothing to do I feel like the bullying would've killed her eventually. Death versus Lung is at least marginally more noble than death by Emma. And isn't that fucking bleak.

Looking ahead a little bit towards Arc 2 and I'm immensely curious how long it'll take Taylor to do cape stuff again. I feel like I'd need a solid month to process the whole "near death experience" thing and then spend time sweating over whether I even put the mask on ever again. Meanwhile I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor went back out in like a week, because she's a hardcore maniac.

It's also very interesting looking at this and considering the exact sequence of events that went through these chapters. If the bullies didn't wreck Taylor's notebook, or if Taylor took a different message away from its destruction, there might be one or more dead Undersiders right now, and to a lesser extent Armsmaster wouldn't both get credit for a major capture and also owe this rookie hero a favor. Both of those things are going to matter a lot, and it's, I dunno, some people would call that contrived but real life is so full of weird coincidence and happenstance I can buy this no problem.

...Honestly now I get why so many AUs that diverge before this point still include the Lung fight and the Undersiders and Armsmaster meetings, like yeah at that point it's contrivance but I'm not going to sweat an author too hard because they don't want to figure out how fucking dramatic the butterfly effect (hah, butterfly) would be on the rest of the story. Like yeah it's contrived, but that's a lot of work they'd have to do otherwise.

That aside, I'm gonna get back on topic and meditate on my current gripes. 1.3 was a legitimate low point in this arc with the description of the Docks and its residents and their circumstances, and the total clusterfuck of the Azn Bad Boys, which. By the by this is the last time I'm going to say the full name of that gang, ABB is shorter and is less embarrassing for everybody involved. Wall-to-wall racism, classism, and an utter lack of sympathy for the lesser-thans. Like we're talking about crack whores in the year of our lord 2011, or, they were written about in 2011 and I'm hollering about it on the internet in 2024. When this kind of thing comes back up (when, not if, I'm not that optimistic) I just hope I can work around it, like eating everything but the bruise on an apple.

To close this out, I'm thinking about the people in Taylor's life. Emma, a former friend turned bully, and her cronies Madison and Sophia. Pretty shallow characterization at this point, just that they're cruel to the point of hospitalizing their victim. Danny Hebert is supportive, but has all the strength of a sponge when it comes to holding up against the pressures that weigh on Taylor, and he knows it but he's not doing anything differently. The Undersiders, criminals who mistake Taylor for a criminal, but identify her correctly as a comrade and potential friend, who realize she was fighting for them and went to fight for her. Armsmaster, who offers her very genuine and very sought-after praise as an authority figure, and then leans on that authority to get what he wants out of a freshly traumatized and exhausted teenager.

Is it any wonder that Taylor takes the path that she does? Would anyone have it in them to be surprised if they could see all of this from a bird's eye view?

I wonder if Armsmaster ever thinks back about this night, lying awake in bed. If he ever wonders what he could or should have done differently, or if he couldn't have done anything to divert course.

I was talking to my girlfriend about something related to this the other night, actually. If it's worse in a tragedy for there to have been a chance to avert it all, or if it's worse for the end to be inevitable. Looking at Taylor, looking at Brockton Bay, looking at Earth Bet? I dunno. If someone had acted early, with knowledge and intention sufficient to actually provide aid, maybe it would've been enough, but hell. Maybe not. I don’t know which possibility is more damning.

...I get melancholy when it's late, but I don't think it'd be right to delete all that; it's how I'm feeling about the novel, and that's what this blog is for, so even if it's a bit dramatic it'd be self-defeating to pretend I didn't say it.

Arc 2... probably starts tomorrow, assuming nothing comes up. Glad to say I'm looking forward to it.

[dawnbreakersgaze]

Lost in Your Echos -Prologue teaser

❥ ┊𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠; Dawnbreaker!Zayne × Hunter!Reader

❥ ┊𝐀𝐔; This one is gonna get weird folks. Canon Divergent as fuck, but will use a lot of the canon lore.

❥ ┊𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠; NSFW, reader is afab using she/her pronouns, reader's skin/hair/body will not be described (this will be Black reader friendly!!) violence, mentions of torture but no descriptions, beloved character deaths (I'm serious I'm gonna kill 'em), slow burn, obsessive behavior, Dawnbreaker is kind of a creep but he's trying he just doesn't know how, trauma, ptsd, nightmares/night terrors, poorly managed grief and depression, sexual situations (more specific tags for that when we get to those chapters later).

❥ ┊𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; In the far future, Dawnbreaker fights a lone man war against an ever growing hoard of human born wanderer abominations, spawned from an unchecked protocore sickness run rampant. 2 weeks after the death of Georgie, Zayne has an all too vivid dream of the Doctor that abruptly brings an end to his dreams of the Doctor and you.

Several months later, Detective Ivan reaches out to him again, informing him that a woman has come forward requesting help with information about the abominations. Knowing he can't help her, he sends Dawnbreaker her info and suggests Zayne meet up with her. What he finds shatters the delicate reality he has built for himself, but for the first time in his bleak life he can feel the warmth of the sun.

❥ ┊𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭; Lost in Your Echos

"It's you.” Truly the last place he expected to see the haunted expression of his own warped visage was in his once quiet office at Akso hospital, but Zayne already knew this was no ordinary meeting. The mid-morning sun shone through the open windows, washing everything in a beautiful golden glow, but there was no warmth to be found here.

How long had it been since he'd sat behind this desk? 6, 7, 8 weeks? Even now there was a force in his mind that wanted to drift to the many patients he'd left in the care of Dr. Greyson, and their varied outcomes, but the man that stood before him like a specter was the only thing left to take care of now. He wore his face, but so discordant were the expression and mannerisms that they made every part of his being feel like he was staring down the executioner.

This was his grim reaper.

He'd experienced his presence a hundred times in his dreams, yet nothing in those half lucid moments compared to this. 

“You've come for me then, finally.” He watched the unchanging face of his twisted reflection for any sign of recognition or acceptance. Instead, the apparition finally spoke, his expression as frigid as his tone. 

“You called me here.” His voice was quieter than the Doctor's, with the slight rasp of disuse, but otherwise, he thinks they sound too similar for his liking. Zayne watches as the figure cut in black shifts, movements awkward like he takes up space in a room he is not part of. He is a person all too real in a dream or simulation, and it reminds Zayne that his own body is slipping from his grasp. 

“I didn't call anyone here. I'm not even sure where ‘here’ is. If you're not the grim reaper then who exactly are you, and where are we?” Zayne doesn't miss the slightest crinkle of the other's eyes at the use of his macabre ‘nickname’, but all the same he doesn't object.

With a small effort he stands, the unease in his gut growing and gnawing as he realizes now they are exactly the same height as well. It didn't bother him before how perfectly stacked all the logs were, or how healthy all the plants looked. How all the pillows on the couch were fully fluffed and every photo on his desk was fingerprint free. However, the longer he stood here in the eerie silence with his doppelganger, the more his surroundings began to feel suffocating and uncanny. He knows his heart should be racing with the discomfort he's experiencing yet it felt alarmingly calm. His fingers itched to call the familiar ice for his own protection only to find the terrifyingly numb sensation of nothingness. 

He really was dead. But what about-

“I was dreaming.” The other starts softly, temporarily snapping Zayne from his spiral. “I saw… us in an explosion and we called out for help. I …. reached out.” The caution and cadence in his voice made him sound confused, and Zayne follows his flickering gaze downward as they both look to his trembling hands that now tightly grip the photo that sat on his desk of the two of you in your finest evening wear at his last award ceremony dinner. Your smile, so radiant and warm, was forever seared into his memory. This seemed so long ago now. Had the last few months truly aged you both that much?

Wait, when did he even grab this?

No, that didn't matter. He didn't have time to waste now. If he could reach out to him then maybe-

“Can you reach out to her? Is she still alive?” Zayne no longer cared to police his tone or expression, and the reaction of his double was proof enough as he watched his eyes blow wide for just a second. He could feel the frantic tone cracking in his throat like a fading fire but pushed forward despite the strain, slamming his free hand on the desk between them, alarmed by the lack of pain or feedback from it. “Like you are right now with me? She was with me in the-”

“I saw her, yes.” There is a consuming reverence on his tongue when he speaks of you, and if Zayne had any other option, he'd have gladly taken it over him at this moment. The way his eyes soften and soothe at the mere mention of you is enough to trip more than one warning flag, but he lacks the time you desperately need. He knows he's not the first man to die for you, and while he doesn't understand what this body double even is, he's a wise enough man to know his own heart. His own devotion to you, left unchecked, could border on obsession. 

He has no choices left. There is no more time, and his only parting gift to you is hopefully giving you the time necessary to make your plan work. So many had put their faith in you, himself included, and he would be a fool to look this 11th hour gift in the eye and deny its aid. 

Xavier, Jeremiah, Caleb, Thomas, Yvonne… so many more names of the lost had faded from his memory and the thought made him sick, the ghost of the taste of bile on the back of his tongue. How many had he forgotten already? 

“Do it. Please.” Voice raw, he begged. For you, he begged the grim reaper. 

[old-skyguy]

People who engage in queer discourse seriously need to be reminded of what being queer actually *is*.

It's not fitting into heteronormative standards.

It's not fitting into amatonormative standards.

It's not fitting into gender norms and doing stuff that makes YOU happy. It's taking control of your own body and doing what feels right instead of something that you felt forced/were forced into. This INCLUDES intersex people.

Just because you don't understand someone's identity does not mean you can't be supportive and it does NOT mean you get to tell people whether they do or don't belong in the queer community. They don't owe you thing about a DAMN thing in terms of an explanation in order to justify their queerness. If they say they're queer, they're queer. If not, they're not.

And again. This INCLUDES aro/ace/aroace spec people. It INCLUDES cishet aro/ace/aroace spec people.

It INCLUDES straight trans people. Anyone gnc who identifies with being straight or cis in any way. He/him lesbians, she/her gay dudes, agender people, pangender, it/its, who actually gives a fuck??

This INCLUDES intersex people.

This INCLUDES people who use neo pronouns/identities. It INCLUDES micro labels, even the most obscure ones you haven't heard of because you know what? They use it because it makes them feel good.

It INCLUDES the "cringe" people you think are too weird to be associated with. You can't make up someone's mind about whether they belong especially when they're disabled and have already been excluded from a lot of shit for most of their life, not to mention it's really insulting. Even if they're just "weird" or some shit and not disabled at all, still!! Don't be an asshole! I can't believe I have to say this to a group of people whose entire thing is acceptance and unconditional love for differences, but if you don't accept people in your own group who are different from you, you are the problem!!

Queer just means you don't fit into society's view of what "love" or your sense of self means and I PROMISE you that all these people and all others included in the LGBTQ *Plus* know themselves better than you do. You can ask, politely, if you're curious, but no one owes you an explanation and if they feel like they belong, just leave them be and ignore them if you're really so stuck-up you can't handle queer people who are "weird" or "different" to your idea of queer. Because if YOU are deciding who does and does not get to be included - in YOUR narrow idea of queerness - YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

Flag discourse and pronoun discourse and identity discourse other whiny little assholes complaining about this and that. None. Of. It. MATTERS. Go to a gay event irl or whatever and *no one is going to give a FUCK.* And if they do, they're not worth your time. I promise ipromiseipromise people irl are open to having actual intellectual conversations about identity and shit and the rhetoric of other queer people just telling you to KYS for using some label or some shit is only because the online world of pointless arguments is bleak and sad and devoid of the connection that actual complex people with feelings and unique experiences exist behind the screen. If you're one of these ignorant people, get better, and if you've ever been on the receiving end of this mind rot, it gets better.

The only way we will ever make a change towards a problem that actually matters, we have to forget the whole "UNITE AGAINST THE CRINGE ONES" narrative and open our eyes and stand together against the real oppressors.

Ridiculing people you hate because they're different will not help and will only hurt yourself in the long run.

[nyaagolor]

Howdy again, if it's the meta world VS "real world" thing in Umineko that's got you stumbling, don't worry. The assumption Ryukishi and co. seem to be going with is that the meta world IS real, and everyone's just chilling in a happy magic afterlife post-series (hence how episodes 7, 8, and 9 can even happen). The "07th Expansion All Characters Settings Collection" guidebook even has little epilogue blurbs for the cast, I can link you the translation hosted on the wiki if you want. It's still bleak in the sense that, yknow, everyone was dead from the start and the whole journey was more of a "coming to terms with what happened" kind of deal, but I think it works given stuff like the Divine Comedy references going on (if you read Battler as Dante and Beatrice as uh, Beatrice, a lot of Umineko'll start to make sense). The way I see the split is kind of an "as above, so below" type deal - while Tohya is down in the land of the living trying to write and solve things, Battler and friends really are up there fighting for their lives in purgatory, and the two reflect each other. Of course if that's not the problem you have, I'd love to hear what you're thinking!

hiii thank u for the ask!! (sorry this will be a Long One). I'll admit the meta world / real world stuff tripped me up at first, because looking at episodes 4 and 8 it really seemed to be implying that the metanarrative was the coping mechanism of Ange+Tohya and their way of pretending like their loved ones got the happy endings they didn't get in life rather than something we can actually assume happened. However extra content implies this is not the case, Ryukishi doesn't feel like the author who would do that especially after the thesis of Higurashi, and tbh even if he did there was enough plausible deniability that I would just imagine the Golden Land as real because You Gotta Cope Somehow. I love the "as above so below" vibes too, that's a fun new aspect to incorporate

My biggest hangup with the ending was basically in the idea that Sayo's narrative is fundamentally doomed. I was under the impression that the boat scene was implying that Sayo couldn't be happy even if she did escape due to the burden of the truth / her trauma. The positive framing of the catbox remaining at the bottom of the ocean initially struck me as a "her death is the happiest ending you can hope for because of how fucked up this all is" which is already a nihilistic narrative but downright unbearable when given to an intersex trans woman. I just don't vibe with hopeless trans narratives at all, and felt like I had misinterpreted smth bc Ryukishi isn't really a nihilistic guy. I'll admit I got a little soured to the narrative as a whole when I looked around online and saw people talking about how Sayo getting a happy ending was "missing the point".

After talking to @heartgold I realized that I had reversed the causality a bit. I was under the impression while playing that Ryukishi's insistence that "things had to happen this way" was him not just saying "oh everyone is already dead, the end result is already the same bc we're looking back at past events" but also "it doesn't matter what individual actions people took, it was always going to end in tragedy". I realize now it's more of a "this was totally preventable in so many ways but it already happened and now we have to grieve and cope in whatever way we can manage" kinda thing rather than a "this is fate and Sayo was screwed regardless", so I'm cool with that aspect. (Also I won't lie I prefer to imagine the boat scene as almost entirely metaphorical and more of a representation of the fragmentation of Battler's consciousness due to trauma in a similar way as what happened to Sayo, but that's neither here nor there)

The other part of it, and the thing I'm still really hung up on, is the question of whether or not the Golden Land is actually a happy ending and, if it is real, whether we're supposed to view it as a sorta perverse tragedy. On one hand, the alters are all implied to be separate people and they get their happy endings (yay), but on the other hand that doesn't really fix nor address Sayo feeling like she needs romantic love to be fulfilled (also The Incest(?) I'm genuinely unsure if the whole "alters becoming separate entities" negates the incest or not). The idea that Sayo was so far gone that even the fantasy created from her best memories does not allow her to truly be happy is just so insanely depressing to me, so I find myself stuck with that friction of wanting Sayo to have her prince and her white horse and her fantasy happy ending while also not wanting to downplay the truth. Having this little moral dilemma feels like the point of Episode 8 and really gets us into Tohya's head, which is awesome, but also gives me a lot of mixed feelings. Knowing that Sayo's truth literally has Beatrice married to Battler makes it even tougher bc I can't just use plausible deniability and say they're platonic bc they are uh. very much not as far as Ryukishi is concerned. I'm still working out my feelings on it, mostly because I desperately want Sayo to have everything she's ever wanted but also having to contend with the little part of me that's whispering "it can't and shouldn't happen and you know it". Alas. Umineko.

PS: thank you for telling me about the character booklet, that's SO cute!!! I love the little details about everyone and the cat-ear Bern is everything I've ever wanted

[blackjackkent]

Ask meme prompt fill for @theajaheira from this ask meme: Even More Popular Text Posts Ask Meme Hector/Karlach - "concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content." I had a couple different ideas for this, but this one stemmed from the realization that the prompt, completely by coincidence, already had exactly 25 words. XD (Also before anyone says it, yes, I know Sending can't actually be cast as a ritual spell but, crucially, I don't care. XD )

-----

Learning the spell Sending, Hector has come to realize, is something of a mixed blessing.

There are a lot of bright sides, of course. It’s been the culmination of extended, careful work on his part to maintain a connection to Selune in spite of his self-imposed exile in Avernus; the first day that he was able to communicate a message to Karlach when she wasn't in the room felt like moonlight breaking through ever-thickening clouds. And there’s no question that it makes all of them - him, Karlach, and Wyll - much safer, as it gives them another line of communication during the frenetic battles with the devils and demons they fight every day.

The downside, primarily, is that Hector is the only one who can trigger a message without assistance; Wyll and Karlach can only respond. The other downside is more subtle and far more selfish. With Sending in their back pocket, splitting up becomes a more viable strategy, and he and Karlach both feel it keenly when they aren’t able to keep a direct eye on each other.

But that, unfortunately, is how he comes to be here, curled up in a cave all by himself near the outer wall of the fortress of one of Zariel's top lieutenants. Strategically, the idea is sound - position themselves at three separate vantages, get as much rest as they can, and then strike simultaneously from different angles in the very early morning. Intellectually, Hector knows it's the best chance of success. 

However, that doesn't change the fact that this is the loneliest he's felt in a long time. Once, in his old life, such isolation came naturally to him, but no more. It's desperately hard to sleep alone in this bleak little hole, knowing that Karlach is similarly alone out in that dangerous wasteland and far out of his direct reach. 

He rolls onto his back for the twentieth time and states at the rocky ceiling with a sigh. Then, feeling somewhat pathetic, he drifts his eyes half-closed and focuses inward, prodding cautiously at the filaments of the Weave with the magic Selune has granted him. 

Are you still awake, love? he sends cautiously. 

She responds almost instantly, which tells him she too is feeling the strain of the night's isolation. Her magically transmitted voice resonates inside his head, vibrates at the base of his skull and through his teeth, and she answers in clipped sentences due to the spell's word limit, as he taught her. 

Yeah. Brain's buzzing. Can't turn it off. Need to sleep. This fucking sucks. I miss you. Taters. A brief pause, and then - rapidly before the spell can die out, filling the last few words: I love you so much. Keep sending. Please?

He smiles, relaxing a little and fully closing his eyes. If he holds very still, he can almost imagine she's there whispering in his ear, that he'd only have to turn his head to see her lying next to him. 

Taters, he sends. I miss you too. Only a few more hours. Then we fight, and then we can go home. And then I'm all yours. 

He half-expects her to take this as an invitation to tease him with images of what she plans to do to him when they're reunited. But she takes a gentler tack instead. Home. Yeah. Funny that Raphael's old shithole is “home” now. The safe place. A slight pause. You think we'll ever have a real home, Hec? Together? 

The gentle, weary pathos in her mental tone makes his heart turn over in his chest. I know we will, he sends fiercely. Those blueprints are the key, I'm sure of it. And we're finding Zariel's weak points. Pretty soon we'll-- He breaks off, counting rapidly on his fingers. Shit. Next message. 

Standing by, Karlach responds with a flicker of humor while the spell resets.

Pretty soon we'll finish her for good. I swear it, he completes earnestly. And with those blueprints, we'll fix your heart. And then we'll go. Away from here. Anywhere you want. 

Anywhere? she answers. Again that dash of amusement. That's a big promise, Hec. Gonna take me to Mount Celestia if I ask? 

A pause. He summons the spell again - and it takes a little more effort this time around the sudden surge of emotion clogging his thoughts. Anywhere, he repeats earnestly. But it should be the Gate, really. Your city. Near that park, maybe. A dash of green. No more brimstone stink. Clean air and--

The spell cuts him off mid-sentence, but Karlach picks it up in her answer, almost at once. --and the river. Yeah. My city. He can feel her emotion rising in answer to his, an odd thickness in the mental ‘voice’. You and me in my city. Little place near the river, maybe. Somewhere we can hear and see everything… 

A long pause. He's drifted into utter stillness now, all his attention focused inwards. It's a strangely meditative state, and it simultaneously comforts him and makes him wish for her touch with an ache that is physically painful. 

Picture it: it’s 3 AM, he sends, his mental voice low now, as he might murmur against her ear. Candle lit room. Music's playing somewhere. You’re kissing me. We have no worries in the world. We’re warm and content… 

There's a long pause before she responds. Well. We've got the ‘warm’ part already. It's a weak attempt at a joke; he can hear the weight of tears in her voice even though it's not spoken aloud. His own eyes feel damp under their closed lids. Promise me. Promise me we'll get there one day. Somewhere soft and safe. Somewhere far away from here.

I promise. He can picture exactly how he'd touch her if she were here - a gentle brush of his fingertips over her lips, along her cheek and back through her hair. Soothing. Reassuring. I promise. We'll get through this, and we'll be free one day. I love you. I love you, and I promise. I promise. 

I love you, she answers. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Taters. 

[waterparksdrama]

I don’t wanna be mean, but yeah Iz is totally right in that they’ve been in steady decline since 2020. That’s when I became a fan, right before lowkey as hell, and I remember thinking “omg these guys have three albums already? And they’re this good? They’re so close to actually breaking though, I hope they do”. And then every time they out something out I kept hoping it’d go viral, or that the collab w blackbear would garner attention; nothing ever did. It’s lowkey frustrating bc I truly rooted for them and they were in all the right places. Besties with Mikey Way? Producing with a guy who’s been on tons of popular rock and alt music lately (although it was always terrible when he worked w parx)? OPENING FOR MCR?! But they put out two hugely mediocre albums and Geoff and Otto have all but disappeared from anywhere nowadays. I genuinely worry for their economic state, cuz the money from parx will run out eventually, and neither went to college or have any real abilities that we know of. I just feel like Awsten and his constant label changes and feuds just isolated them from the scene that would’ve taken them in, and now he just relies on a bunch of superfans who buy everything he sells, but they’ll eventually lose interest as well… things looking bleak fam. He’s having his third of a life crisis. I just hope Otto and Geoff are economically stable, cuz although they’re adults and if awsten fucked up, it’s because they let him, I truly feel sorry for them and what could’ve been. Idk perhaps I’m being too dramatic.

idk i feel like they have some collateral at least (god knows how many projects fund an apartment that's at least $3k in la) but whew they're never breaking out of their bubble huh.

i feel like part of this happened not only because of the tone and quality of their albums but also just the shift in fanbase from their 2019 era tiktok virality. like the fans even if they were always on the poppier side of pop punk stans, once they even had a taste of being viral there was a shift in the fanbase that never really recovered because it became mostly pop stans who hone in on numbers and measure success in comparison to the pop stars they like more and don't like when moshing is a thing. and my god can they be easy to get buying things.

another problem can be well. awsten himself since he rewards this sort of behavior by also going out of his way to pick and choose fans for special giveaways or even venmoing them himself which is nice on its own but within a community that leeches off him for attention in any way they can have it from him, who needs money to fund his next insane set of ideas and the validation for it.....things can get pretty ugly sometimes

sometimes idk if waterparks will break out of this. i think what they really need to do is go back to their roots at least for a little because sometimes authenticity is what really gets people coming and staying. awsten needs to stop acting like he's bigger than people sometimes so people would be more willing to listen - iz

[explosionshark]

Your turn!

It's halfway through the year! Got any favorite albums/books/tv shows/whatever to recommend?

thanks to you @badwolfwho1 who both asked me!

music:

right off the top i'm gonna recommend 3 pop albums bc i almost never have this many TO recommend. but tei shi's valerie, empress of's for your consideration, and shygirl's club shy EP have all been on constant repeat for me this year.

big year for metal also - in particular crypt sermon, job for a cowboy, darkest hour, gatecreeper, aborted and tzompantli were all incredible. i feel like between seeing them live and the release of cure, this is the first time erra has really clicked for me and i'm loving it.

for post-hardcore i've loved the debut LPs by with sails aheads and your ghost in glass. the EP lonely people by love rarely was on repeat for me for weeks also - really great stuff.

i got heaven by mannequin pussy slaps too. and i also really, really want to recommend you could do it tonight by couch slut - if you love the queasy, depraved noise that chat pile make, you absolutely should be listening to couch slut.

i threw a couple little playlists together to roundup some of my faves:

(extended version here)

honorable mention: as was really apparent from my charts this year, i spent A LOT of time listening to the saosin s/t again. but also got really back into grouper this year - especially her 2021 album shade, which i missed entirely when it came out.

books:

okay for music i focused mostly on 2024 releases but for books i won't be so strict.

shirley jackson: a rather haunted life by ruth franklin was REALLY good and provided a lot of great insight into jackson's work and also just had some really interesting history in it. really enjoyed it.

hit so hard by patty schemel a rock music and addiction memoir by the drummer of Hole. very dark and upsetting at points, but compelling. was very illuminating re: the 90s seattle music scene and the drug culture around it, provided a lot of context and detail to some stuff i thought i already knew about. really great stuff.

penance by eliza clark - this is a fake true crime book that REALLY got under my skin. it's a meta commentary on true crime as a fandom and an industry and the exploitation inherent in it. it's a mirror to make you stare at your own internal biases. it's SO fucking 2014 tumblr. i've gotten like three other people to read it and they all went insane like me. highly recommended.

hex by thomas olde heuvelt - very late to the party on this one but i loved it. translated AND localized from dutch, with very interesting results. almost goofy to start and ends up totally bleak. i adored it.

magic for beginners and white cat, black dog by kelly link - REALLY falling in love with kelly link this year. read these two and currently re-reading stranger things happen and i just adore her style. weird but SO heartfelt, surreal and dreamy, as often horrifying as it is sweet. she's so talented, i'm really excited to read the book of love later this year.

between two fires by christopher buehlman - FINALLY read this and i loved it. absolutely deserves the hype. kinda wild that dark ages horror isn't more of a thing? i re-read buehlman's the blacktongue thief too and really loved it, definitely cemented it as one of my favorite fantasy books. i'm reading the daughters' war now and enjoying it a lot.

i also re-read the golden enclaves by naomi novik and had such a great time with it.

tv shows:

finished my buffy re-watch! been watching a ton of xena with @holdsteady and @nataliving this year too - we just finished s3 and it was insane and i loved it soooo much.

i watched under the bridge and thought it was very good, but i'd recommend people learn a little about the real reena virk case before engaging.

hacks season 3 was INSANE it made me crazy i loved it so much.

haven't watched much tv aside from that!

[tenderhooked]

intrigued by “before we get too old show me a garden” !

ahhhh YES i love this one so dearly :')

after a personal loss in my real life earlier this year, i was thinking a lot about grief and love and regret. and i was thinking a lot about roy and his grandfather, who he never got to see again after being sent off to sunderland when he was nine years old. and i wanted to explore these feelings through just. a shorter fic about roy, on the anniversary of his grandfather's death, grieving and then just. having the chance to share this loss with someone, and everyone rallying around him to show him how loved he is and how he shouldn't feel guilty for the ways in which he wasn't there when his grandpa passed. here's a small bit from it :-)

It happened every year, like fucking clockwork. He would peel open his sleep-crusted, bleary eyes, and the light in the room would almost always be a bleak midwinter grey, and he would know without having to know it properly that it was going to be a bad one. And then, of course, he’d remember. His brain would catch up to what his heart already understood, and suddenly he was nine years old again and the world was wide and strange and he was never going to see his granddad again, not ever.

[v4mpire-empire]

anything for you - an until dawn mini fic

josh- mines

"Hannah? Is that you?"

Hannah grabs him by the collar and stares him deep in the eye. Her piercing, peeling eyes. Her body all wrong.. contorted and skinny and too big. Her jaw, wide and angry. Her teeth.. or fangs were stained with blood and small chunks of human flesh. She looked worse than any monster Josh would see in picture books and read about in folk tales. She could easily tear him apart in seconds. And he knew she was going too.

Josh had never been so afraid, but also somewhat.. calm. Because at least he would die at the hands of his sister.

He closes his eyes.

He was ready.

"i'm sorry"

He wasn't just apologising to Hannah. It was to everyone. To Sam, to Chris, and to everyone he had wronged tonight and all his life.

-

His heart skips a beat. His body hit the floor. He hit his head, and he hit it hard. Through his blurred and disorientated vision, he could make out the long skinny figure of the wendigo - no, his sister, running away. She was hungry for death and disaster, but not her brother's - well, at least not for now.

The world span around him, laughing at him, mocking him.

His eyes fell shut.

His world became a blur.

-

Josh would wake up occasionally. Maybe it was a gust of wind slapping his face awake, or the footsteps of danger, or maybe, just his body trying to keep him alive. Who knows.

How much time had passed? Minutes? Hours? Days?

He was finally awake for longer than a few minutes. He pulled himself up with all his force and stood still for a moment, adjusting to his bleak surroundings. Was this a hallucination?

No. This was real. And he needed to move.

Josh took a step forward and nearly fell. He halted and peered over the body of water in front of him. To be able to escape this hell, he would have to cross the water to get to the other side.

Fuck.

He plunged into the water, wincing, dizzy, disorientated. If he passed out in the ice cold water, he wouldn't survive. But the odds didn't look like they were in his favour...

-

sam- blackwood pines police department

" I know how much you want him to be alive, Sam! But you saw it happen. That thing... it fucking took him!"

"She. She took him. Hannah took him. And.. I don't care what you think, Mike. I can feel it. He's alive. I don't give a fuck if I sound insane right now, because I know. I know he's still there.. cold... alone.. helpless. I have to get him out of there. "

Sam turned back around to finish her packing, stuffing anything that could come handy into her backpack as fast as she could. She already wasted too much time doing that fucking interview and getting a small amount of first aid. As if a bandage would actually help right now, she scoffed.

There wasn't much to bring with her. After all, she was in a police department. All the stuff that could protect her was locked away. She could only find a lighter, a bottle of vodka, and the new set of clothes the police department had given her.

Suddenly, the door slammed shut and locked.

"I'm sorry,Sam."

Mike.

"But.. we can't let you go back. Not after.. what we saw.. what we've been through. We're actually alive. We survived this crazy fucking night. If you go back, you know what will happen to you."

" MIKE, OPEN THE DOOR. OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR"

Sam pounded at the door, screaming. But she stopped as soon as she started. If she really wanted to get out of here as fast as possible, she would have to be calm and clever about it. She had about 12 hours of daylight left to get back, find josh , and get out of the mountains before it was dark. Dark would mean the wendigos would begin their hunt.

The plan.. it was ambitious. Too much, too fast.. too risky...

But Sam was prepared to die trying.

If anyone actually read this, thank you! Hope you enjoyed it and lmk if you want a part 2 :)

[palestporn]

Gamzee: ???!? ?! ??? ?!!!?!

There a fuckload of questions that need answering--why he needed you calm, why he wanted you secret, why he took your name, your sign-- You open your flap to say one of those, and find the emperor's just looking at you, with that same look on his face as the night he took you. You didn't find a name for it, that time--didn't fit, wasn't right, he's the emperor. But this time, you know what the fuck you're seeing, aimed back at you like a mirror.

"...Why the fuck are you scared of me?" You say, fucked up and raspy from growling so much for the first time in so long, and Karkat laughs like he thinks you're taking a dig and then looks back and sees his ancestor's face and stops laughing real fast.

"Wh-- Seriously?" he says.

"He did just pull some primo coldblood panfrying bullshit out of his ass," the miniature Ψiioniic--Sollux--points out, and then shrugs real quick, playing a big motherfucker who doesn't give a shit. "I mean, they were pretty good, anyway, I guess--"

"He said you saw something before that freaked you out, too," Karkat says over top of him, turning accusing on his ancestor. "Something in his shadow."

"Oh, what," says Sollux. "The ghost?"

Every motherfucker in the room turns to stare at him, you most of all. He looks back at you like he didn't expect, like he's not spitting some wild motherfucking shit at you right now.

"You don't have to act like you don't know," he says, at you. "AA sniffed it out sweeps ago. What, when I sent you that note about secrets did you think I meant, like. The thing where you cuddle a cushion when you sleep, like some kind of pupa?"

"What," you say, because you got fuck-all else to say.

"You knew about this?!" Karkat says, outrage at his skinny buddy now. "How many fucking wrigglers are we locking up around here that everybody knows about except me?!"

"He's not a wriggler, KK, he's like twice as big as you," says Sollux.

"Please don't blow this out of proportion," says the emperor. He's sat himself down at his document plateau since you looked at him last, and he's holding his pan in one hand. "There aren't any other...prisoners. If you can call him that. And he's 12 sweeps."

"He's what?" says Sollux, and looks the size of you up and down. "Fuck off, no you're not."

"So get a hauntwhisperer in here and peel the ghost off him," Karkat says, impatient. "How has this taken multiple sweeps to figure out?! Am I the only person with a functional thinkpan around here?"

"It's not--" the emperor stops, growls the first time, low through his fangs. "...I didn't bring him here because of...the ghost. As dangerous as that is even by itself. I brought him here because of the reason that ghost is clinging to him, specifically. Can't you--" Stops himself again, takes a breath and lets it out. "You never saw him," he says, reminding at himself. "Neither of you would've ever seen him."

"Enlighten me," says the Second Coming, and when he squares up his shoulders and drops his horns forward the gems on his horns and gold on his ears shine almost as bright as his eyes.

"His sign was Capricorn, Karkat," says the emperor, bleak and heavy like that's some big, important shit Karkat should know, not just the shape that was close to you like the pads of your palms the first eight sweeps of your life. "His hatchname was Makara. He wouldn't have made it long, out there, especially not as he got...older. Bigger. Someone would have noticed, eventually."

Karkat's hands twitch back off you like you turned red hot. Sollux doesn't flinch back, but he's watching you hard, like he's thinking on you, seeing what you do. The emperor doesn't look up. Like he's said everything that needs said. And every single motherfucker gets this shit except you.

Gamzee: Demand backstory, already

==> ...From the Sufferer Redeemed ==> ...From the Second Coming ==> ...From the Spymaster ==> ...From the Shade of Rage

[START OVER]

[beasts-of-jadewood]

Super Lesbian Animal RPG Is The Best Video Game I've Played Since Minecraft

Now that I've finally regained my ability to make publicly visible posts, I'd like to take a moment to gush about the critically acclaimed indie game classic Super Lesbian Animal RPG by @ponett and associates.

Holy shit. Holy shit? This game is so fucking good you guys. Are you kidding me? I know the title sounds like a stupid joke and there is actually a lot of humor in this game but you know what? This is a video game that's worth taking seriously. I've never given a shit about romance as a genre before getting into @slarpg because all the romance stories I've seen as a kid are either dragged-out "Will They, Won't They?" types, painful divorce stories, or fucking Romeo and Juliet. There seems to be this overwhelming belief in the genre that the greatest obstacle faced by a truly happy couple that's meant for each other is the process of getting together, and once they've gotten together the story can end. Of course, anyone who's ever had parents knows that shit isn't true, which is why I'm so fucking happy that SLARPG is a romance story about a couple that's already together and it showcases how they can have disagreements and awkward moments but still overcome them and keep going. I love that shit.

In my opinion, the most important thing a turn-based RPG developer needs to do is make sure the plot of their game is solid. With a more action-oriented game like the Souls series or Armored Core, the story doesn't fucking matter and nobody cares about it. People are in it for the exciting, challenging gameplay. If you show them a crisp parry animation that feels better than sex when you time it perfectly or a sick-ass command grab from a boss or whatever, then they're already sold without even knowing who any of the characters are. But you can't have those things with a turn-based RPG so the story is the most important part, and holy shit did SLARPG have the story nailed down on a cross and ready for worship.

See, I've spent my entire life searching for more stories that are relatable to people who live in the real world but at the same time provide a better alternative to the bleak reality we all know and don't love. SLARPG is one of those stories. Melody and Allison will talk about shit like housing being too expensive and Claire will mention how she doesn't talk to her transphobic parents anymore but they're also able to find happiness and stability with the power of love. It gives the game a sort of hopeful undertone that it's meant to represent the real world if people had the courage to do something about all the awful shit we have. Basically, SLARPG shows that misery exists in its world without normalizing it. Every drop of tear shed by Melody is treated with the immense gravity it deserves. At no point did the game say "This suffering you feel is just what happens in the world, better get used to it kid." but it also simultaneously shows how it's possible to move forwards from that sadness one step at a time. I fucking love that shit.

Read more for spoilers.

Now, getting into spoiler territory. I really like how this game also managed to marry its personal, emotional conflict with its greater, physical conflict. At no point in the game are you made to feel like the action-packed excitement of "Fight enemies, save the world." is interrupted so the characters can work through their private emotional insecurities. No, the characters' emotional insecurities and the world-ending threat they face feed into each other and feel as though they're one in the same. Even the main villain was revealed to be someone suffering from similar insecurities in the end and it's the protagonists' ability to make a positive example of themselves that played a key role in defeating her.

Speaking of the villain, she actually made me briefly consider not liking this game since she initially said that she wanted to destroy all the world's evil and recreate the world in a better state, only for the heroes to immediately try and stop her. I had a huge issue with this plot development at first because I hate it when people who wish to change the world for the better are portrayed as the bad guys for some reason. That is, until SLARPG revealed that its main villain was just making up an excuse and simply wanted personal revenge for the perceived murder of her wife that didn't even actually happen, while the heroes wanted to stop her because they were understandably ignorant and afraid of what the fuck her plan actually meant and how many casualties it might cause. In other words, the villain never actually intended to make the world a better place and was thus not portrayed as a bad person for doing so. She wasn't portrayed as a bad person at all, in fact. Rather, she's more depicted as someone blinded by her own rage and victimized by enabling trolls who wanted to start shit for fun, which made her far more relatable and interesting in my opinion.

All in all, I think SLARPG was great. It's a thematically consistent and tonally hopeful story with a good message and relatable characters. The game itself also left quite a few unaddressed antagonists like the evil crypto-mining corporation that keeps the reanimated corpses of former employees as slaves, or the mysterious being from the astral plane that possessed the protagonist and was never truly defeated. These things make me hopeful that we'll get a sequel or DLC or something one day, and I'll be there to support this series every step of the way. Bobby, if you're reading this, thank you so much. I haven't seriously enjoyed a contemporary work of fiction for years now but this game reminded me of how it feels to actually love a video game for once instead of playing through it out of spite like I did with the Souls series. Keep up the good work, for real.