#real life is messed up i should stop participating in it

[streatfeild]

oh shit. i‘m drunk and yearning for human connection. oh god

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch - LiTA (Rain/Payu) 1

Because I'm petty, I had the crowd pick which blacklisted shows I would watch for the month of Pride. I had planned to space them out more, but due to wacky weather over here (tornadoes, thunderstorms, softball-sized hail, and flash flooding), I had plenty of time to binge watch the first show, Love in the Air, which perfectly aligns with my real life theme of stormy weather, so I'm posting my random thoughts in five parts, two for each couple and the special episode.

I'm seated, I'm watching, and I'm being petty.

It starts at "2:00 AM" - Oh no. Nothing could happens at 2 in the morning, and the time just keeps going. This event isn't even going to begin until 3 AM?! Take me home, NOW! I don't care how fine these men are. I'm stopping for mini churros at Jack in the Box on the way home and going to bed. I'M OUT!

I've seen plenty of pictures of Boss in the past two years, but I still lost my breath a bit when he took off his mask because he was looking delicious in the rain.

RAIN WANTS A GIRL?!

Out of everything I saw about this show, NOBODY mentioned that Rain was trying to get a girl. I'm shook. That's a huge part of the plot I never saw mentioned. There were rumors of the actor (Noeul) being with Milk (of MilkLove), and I saw more of THAT in connection to this show than about him liking a girl within it. Where are y'alls priorities?! *looks at Tonnam and breathes deeply*

Payu's room is IN the garage? But what about the fumes? What about the noise? What about a good work/life balance?!

😬😬😬

I don't care if this boy is snuggling in his sleep, Payu is on my shit list! Instead of being like "oh, I misunderstood the signals," he pushed harder then got upset. Even if Rain secretly does want him, I need a verbalization. This is the end of the first episode, and I'm mad as hell at a bisexual on the first day of Pride. Damn.

Start of episode two and I know Rain's voiceovers are there to make me not be upset at Payu, but . . . I'm pissed at this man! He did all of that work, said it was free, but now there is "another" charge, then he shows up at this boy's school when he could've just talked to him at the shop, and feels him up in the bathroom stall. I am BIG mad!

I will admit, this is hot. Still very mad at my fellow bisexual for him saying he wasn't trying to force himself on Rain (even though he was about to mark a map on that boy's neck), but they got chemistry.

My fellow Slut for Christ, only God can judge you, but know that I am too.

All racetracks look the same so Pit Babe and Cutie Pie could have been filmed here for all I know, but I have this at 1.5 speed, unmuted, so I hear this is a legit hype rap song. WEARETHEGOOD's "Threat" with these colors?! Energy? Matched.

HE IS SPANKING HIM?!

I don't kink shame but both people should be willing participants in this endeavor. Then just to drop him on the floor like that?! That does not inspire trust! This is not Blue Boy behavior, sir! But this lecture after is. That is what I need from you. Remind him that this isn't some petty school shit but actual gangstas he is messing with. Remind him that he can't be reckless. THAT'S HOW BLUE BOYS GET KISSED!

Now it's a competition? Payu wants to fuck Rain so badly he looks stupid, yet Rain is over here saying he is going to make Payu want to fuck him, what? harder? What is this all about?!

What do you mean you didn't want to show Rain your bad side? Has all this been your good side up until this point?! Cause, dead ass, this side ain't looking that great either with you being upset you weren't sleeping with him on the first night and stalking him. So you're going to get worse?

Y'all can't sucker me in with red and blue colors. I Told Sunset About You tried that, and I'm still being petty about it. But whose house are we at now?! This is a different room than before. Payu got multiple places?! In this economy?

Prapai strolling in all happy because he had a good night . . . Sir, I'll get to your ass soon because I know how you got that happiness, and you are on the same shit list as your fellow bisexual bestie.

I am Sky and our judgement cannot be measured.

TWINS?!

All this blue between these two yet they are straight up lyin' every two seconds. The fuckery.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!

I would've let him turn it in, but I appreciate that he looks so good while looking so sad with that warm glow.

Payu gets one positive point for leaving his arms open for Rain to come to him, but now that warm glow feels sus like maybe I should be paying more attention to Rain's yellow/orange backpack.

And now for a negative point because even though I keep seeing black x white, Payu stays morally grey by playing with this boy's emotions and hiding from him in his own shop! These after scenes are not doing Payu any favors.

Payu, do I like you? Do I hate you? Do I wanna fuck you? Do I wanna kick you in the balls? All of the above?

Guess I'll find out in the next three episodes.

[deesseshesca]

Mystery reading ~ 1 

Where is life going …

Morning, pretty souls, today we are checking on this bitch called : LIFE. What’s good ? What’s up ? What’s popping ? I’m talking CAREER, FINANCE, LOVE maybeeeeee s.e.x.

I already found my winner. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO EVERYONE THAT PARTICIPATED ! MUCH LOVE TO Y’ALL. 

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

CHOOSE AN IMAGE

Basing myself on the legal age in my country which is 18 

PILE 1 (18+)

Moon (reverse), Six pentacles, Four pentacles (reverse), two cups, 666’ ‘’I’m sorry I put my career before you ! I’m trying to get out of debt… I’m willing to put time & effort now because I don’t want to lose you !’’, ‘’I’M learning how to love myself now thanks to you !’’

Your dreams are becoming a nightmare. You are breaking under pressure and your overthinking is running wild. You feel overwhelmed by your problems or your overthinking is paralyzing. You had a dream about a wolf and dog barking at you, we were so scared you woke up sweating. But what you don’t realize is that they were not coming for you, they were urging you to realize the urgency of your problem. You are in a constant state of anxiety and you project this upon others. You are the root of all your problems. Even if we take them away, you are still in bad shape. I really advise you to apply to some social help in your community regarding mental health. It might not be the best service but it will be a good beginning. Show some grace to your friend. They might not be equipped to fully help you, but they are trying their best. They are really here for you. They only wish to help and be a good shoulder for you to lay your head upon. In your heart, you know who your real friends are. Your fiance is doing so well, You are living your dream life and riding your dream car. I’m getting that nobody knows you are going through HELL in your mind. You don’t show it one bit. Is the only thing you control. Is the way you look so it will kill you if it falls apart. You bury yourself in workload just to distract from the constant voices in your mind. Several events are coming towards us. Before you fire a shot in your head, listen, is the way you are going to react going to determine the next few years in life. Don’t panic, do some shadow work, do some meditation and listen to some subliminals. So when the events happen you react in your best abilities. You might be closing this toxic cycle very soon. Allow change to affect your self-belief slowly but surely. Use your feelings and gut feelings. I feel you nodding your head in a negative way, but listen, if you can manifest a dream apartment and car in such a negative state. Babe not everything you are doing is wrong. Especially in this economy ! Give yourself some flowers. Stop putting others first. I feel like you hide your pain, because you don't want to feel like a burden. Babe I don't want you to hit the deep end. So I prefer you be a burden than a forever trauma for people around you. 

The remedy of a broken heart - Xxxtentacion

Romance 

Nine swords (reverse), Knight of pentacles, two pentacles (reverse), 6 pentacles (reverse) 

Right now there’s one of my closest guy friends that is showing signs of attraction towards you. Actually love not lust. You might not feel like jumping in because he doesn't know how badly life is beating you. You don’t want them to associate with the mess you are in. 

SEX 

TOOO BAD ! THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK ! THEY ARE COMING IN ! Girl, he loves you. Before we even get anything sexual, he wants me to point out his feelings for you. Right you might feel like you sense a shift in y’all relationship but babe you have no idea how obsessive he is with you. Next, you will not let him hit quickly. You will move extremely slow. And he is going to allow you to take the lead. You might act like you don’t care about him, pretend like you don’t feel what he is feeling. But he knows deep down you are just scared of intimacy. You swear you prefer fucking over love, but him and I both know the truth. He's not letting your sabotage get in the way of y’all relationship. Girl you can play all the games you want he stays going to be gentle and waiting for you. Showing that he ain’t going anywhere. Never pushing your limit. Just happy to be in your presence. That man is going to book a hotel room for your first time. But i’m getting that y’all will already be in a relationship when y’all get down and nasty. You get a room full of candles and flowers like the one on the gram. For the first time in sex, it is not going to feel like you're distracting yourself from your life. But you will be totally immersed in the experience. I’m getting that your anxiety will be completely off. You might wake up thinking it was all a dream but nah girl he is really beside you and you are really in a hotel suite after having the best sex u ever had. You might try to control the whole experience and he will allow you to take the lead. He will always check on you : Can I take it off ? Do you want me to put my finger in, baby ? Does it feel good love ? You can take it all in,  princess .  (He loves using little names for you) He must be good at dirty talking. I’m hearing the type to talk you through it. 

AFTERCARE 

Y’all be cuddling. He will be keeping you close to him. You will finally let him in completely. You will apologize for letting work take first in your life and being emotionally available even though you guys are in a relationship. Because you were still very scared. But it won't be news for him, he already  knows it. You will realize how much you NEEDED someone like him in you life.

Foreplay- Shenseea 

PILE 2 

Temperance (reverse), 3 wands (reverse), Ace pentacles (reverse), 9 pentacles (reverse), 777. 111

You are not learning. I’m hearing Abby Miller: ‘’ HAVE YOU LEARN NOT NOTHING  !’’. Your excuse is life can end tmr and you might die at the very minute so YOLO. GIRL ! I can assure you, you will live longer than a month . You are not dying anytime soon. So… STOP IT ! Not only that but you have the audacity to feel unlucky like you ain’t the one messing it all up. Not only that, you are getting frustrated. I’m hearing someone around you saying ‘’ I told you so !’’. GIRL YOU DON’T HAVE MONEY. Don’t even try it. Stop spending money. There’s more money coming out than coming in. STOP SPENDING ! Girl, I'm your last warning. The universe is fed up with you. You are better at spending than earning. Is not even funny anymore …I swear. You might think I’m nagging but I'm stressing for you.. You are soon going to be in BIG PROBLEM.  YOU ARE NOT DYING TMR ! So stop the YOLO. Build some money discipline. When the universe will be happy with your change, your luck is going to come back even better this time. With the money, you will fund a new skill that will be more abundant than you ever have on your own. Your personal income will be 3x at least. 

Kobe - Fresh

ROMANCE 

Two words (reverse) , 5 swords, 2 cups (reverse), 5 pentacles

I feel you are in a relationship with someone you vow not to love but only to use for some money. Like you needed a place to stay. But it is just any ordinary man. Pile 2 you guys are the final boss of beauty privilege. The way your beauty is mesmerizing. Is like the sec that the male specimen lays eye on you, it submit to your every need. You are not at the basic level of having your drink paid or people always helping you. Men pay for your trip, your makeup, your luxury purse and everything you can think of, you will have. Every time you open up about it, girl be quick to call you an OF, when in reality you are fucking telling the truth. I didn't even know people like you exist. I thought my mind was playing games but one of your spirit guards was like ‘’If you can drag her spending, you better applaud her beauty’’. If you guys believe in past life, it will not surprise me if you were one of the prettiest princesses in the medieval and in the 1800. Like other souls may think that vanity is useless. But you know how resourceful it is. If you don't believe in it. Your beauty is something in the spiritual world that spirits admire to the point of idolizing it. I will not be surprised if you are of royal blood. Anyway, you are male ultimate fantasy. The man you know knows it. This is not your first rodeo. Is not the first time you use men for their resources. But it is the first time that the man  treats you like a goddess instead of a sex toy. He has venus in Virgo, his love language is act of service. He cares extremely about you. He cares about your well-being and your mental health. He is at least a multi-millionaire. He knows you are not fully committed to him, but he hopes that he shows how sincere he is, you will eventually open up. Everytime he try to have an emotional moment, you end up fucking him. And he's getting tired of it. If you don’t change the cards are showing me, that  is going to be too late. You  will soon realize he was one of the very rare ones. Let me tell you something, when he is done with something, there’s NOTHING that can make him go back. You are scared he is going to feel disgusted when he realizes how much shit you are financially. But believe me, he loves you too much. I think the concept of your love is foreign to you that you don’t even know how to actually react. Don’t worry he will teach you. 

You guys are definitely bilingual, you might be speak french 

I think it was essential for me to make a difference between your finances and the resources of others. I feel like you are living a luxurious life that has always been funded by everyone but you. And you can't even imagine becoming a rich man. Girl let me breathe some life into you. If you know how to make men answer to your  crazy desires that means you know how to market yourself. You probably know how to brand yourself. You've been jumping from rich to rich men, I know you pick more in their talk than I could ever in my economy class. Learn some financial discipline, learn a skill and you will have a sweet freedom. 

Streets - Doja Cat

PILE 3 (18+) 

Emperor (reverser), 5 pentacles, Ace pentacles (reverse), Strength (reverse), 0505,111, ‘’I miss making love to you ! I will do anything just to hold you again !’’, ‘’ I tried to replace you but it didn't work out because I’m madly in love with you & I was fighting it ! I know this is divine’’

Your life is a mess and it is your fault. Here I said it. I felt a lot of people sigh at the same time: ‘’Finally’’. You keep blaming others and hiding behind ‘’circumstances’’. You love to remind people of a glorious past you once had. Where you were on top of your game. I'm hearing Golden child gone bad. ( I'm even smelling mold) You were once the best of the school. The top employee at your work and winning trophies left right in sport, Now you barely show up to class. You always come very late at work. Because you keep escaping your problem You don’t look for help. You keep saying ‘’ it is what it is’’ Your finances might slow down but you're for sure taking a hit in life. You are feeling lonely and vulnerable. Some might stop here, but I know that you are hiding a bigger problem. You are actually a golden child turned importer syndrome. Back in high school it was easy to be the best. Now you are in a room full of people going as hard as you and you  feel like you ain’t doing enough or your result doesn't hold the candle beside theirs. You are stressed and miserable. Finally you don’t see the end of this financial mess. You feel like everything is expensive. But the reality is that you are trying to keep up with the lifestyle of your classmate. You have enough to survive and you are refusing to ask for help. Advice: 1. Buy quality over quantity. 2. Invest your time in a hobby that is free or very inexpensive so when you cancel your plan you actually have a good reason. And it stops you from overthinking . Also you are actually building skill instead of rotting. You have sadly fallen into bad habits but there is a way out. Unexpectedly, it is about to happen in your life with that hobby. You might find love or a job. Some will get fly out because of your skill. As crazy as it might be, you are on the right path. The right persons is heading your way, opportunities and happiness are closer than you think. 

Dans mon monde - GENEZIO

ROMANCE 

Wheel fortune, Star, 5 wands (reverse), 7 pentacles

Is the comeback of an ex. When he will make his appearance in your life you will be skeptical. There's so much chaos in your life and you don’t need more drama. Back then your relationship was rocky not because he was treating you like shit. He was emotionally close off. I’m getting a good girl and a bad boy. When you broke up with him, you swore to his face that your life would be better without him. Nobody can ignore your glow up. But your life is a complete mess and you are going to feel too embarrassed to show it to him. You guys are fated lovers. I’m hearing, red strings (ikyk). Unexpected meeting while you are running errands. You will look like a HOT mess. In your big pj, your person is going to be so turned on just by the sight of you. 

SEX 

I feel like when you are going to have sex, y'all would already be in a relationship. It will be in the daytime. It will not be planned, but at that moment both of you agree mentally that is happening now. You will be ready. Dress in white or pink pastel lingerie. I’m seeing small full perky tits. Bubble butt, you have bangs. Might be a brunette or blond, it can be a wig for my black reader. You are giving very doll vibes. The sex will be the best you ever had. I think he was your first. Since him had been fucking but nothing came close to him. Is not just because of love, the guy knows what he is doing. I feel like he has some sexual trauma. Like he lost his v-card very young to an older woman. And ever since he has been sexualising himself. He only loves being intimate with you. He also  fucked other women but none felt like you. It's like they were only there for his sexual abilities. While when y'all are making love, he feels seen, wanted and loved. Is also going to feel more better than usual because you guys are both open emotionally. You will open up before that encounter , he will answer some like ‘’ You loved me at my worst. Is a honor for me to be there for you and pour into your cup just like you did for me…’’Is going to be sensual, I’m getting DEEP love making. Is going to solidify y’all decision to try again for the long run. I’m getting a future spouse. 

AFTER CARE 

NO MESSAGE 

He has a big dick. Is hard for him to get turned on. But it is like he can’t help it when he is with you. You give the best head and you love giving him head. 

He has a lot of money 

He will fly you out to have this experience. BAECATION ! 

You definitely know how to speak french 

Bonbon a la menthe - Jok'Air

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 25: I AM DUMPED

"Again? Jeez Perce, how many times does the girl tell you no?" Alex said more in surprise than a real dig at him possibly still trying to keep Rachel and Annabeth in his life in a way neither girl might approve when Magnus read the new chapter title.

Percy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as the skin prickled with agitation. His first instinct was that Alex was wrong, that he and Rachel were just friends and this had to do with Annabeth...but then what context was he missing that she was sitting here comfortably holding his hand?!

Nobody steals my pegasus.

"Annabeth stoll Blackjack too?" Nico smirked.

"None of you idiots are funny," Percy rolled his eyes.

"You're right," Will said with a significant smirk. "We're hilarious."

Will was lucky Percy didn't have the book or he'd have smacked it over his head, even getting his lazy butt up to do it.

Not even Rachel. I wasn't sure if I was more angry or amazed or worried.

"You really do just go through the emotional ringer with that girl," Annabeth sounded gentle. Trying her hardest not to be overtly rude to Percy about this past relationship anyways.

"Seems to be a thing with all girls I meet somehow," Percy said with a frown. Why was his mom the only exception to that like everything else about her?

"What was she thinking?" Annabeth said as we ran for the river. Unfortunately, I had a pretty good idea, and it filled me with dread.

She'd seemed happy, confident, perfectly normal while she'd been in here for a brief time, Percy tried to assure himself as he kept taking deep breaths. Surely if she'd gone through with this, she'd have been a babbling mess about...whatever haunted her future? What would she even have recuring visions about? Her dad's death? Whatever the next prophecy would be? Percy's boring average future?

Okay, he was off track now on crazy ideas, but his panic at least was staying at bay.

The traffic was horrible. Everybody was out on the streets gawking at the war zone damage.

"Yeah, why is that again?" Will groaned. "The amount of people I forced myself to walk past who obviously should not be walking around with those cuts and messed up limbs just gawking at the sewage backup speckled with monster trophies and cotton candy vendors stuck in icicles should not be normalized!"

"One of the most basic human activities we all participate in though," Annabeth brightly reminded. "We all like to sit around and gawk at things."

Will still looked mildly huffy, but they were pretty sure it was because he hadn't gotten to stop and help all those people to the proper building they needed to be in.

Police sirens wailed on every block. There was no possibility of catching a cab, and the pegasi had flown away.

"And that stopped you from whistling them back, because?" Jason frowned.

"They were exhausted man, they'd done enough in the battle. I cut them some slack and went for another ride," Percy shrugged.

I would've settled for some Party Ponies, but they had disappeared along with most of the root beer in Midtown.

"Also I'm just imagining the headache of getting them to agree to take you anywhere while hopped up on that," Thalia agreed.

So we ran, pushing through mobs of dazed mortals that clogged the sidewalks.

"She'll never get through the defenses," Annabeth said. "Peleus will eat her."

"You said that with a little bit to much more hope than I think you meant to," Nico offered, pinching his fingers together as close as he could without connecting them.

Annabeth shrugged, Percy sighed, and Magnus was once again left in that weird void wondering if his cousin was a psychopath or that dragon eating people was just an average day occurrence.

I hadn't considered that. The Mist wouldn't fool Rachel like it would most people. She'd be able to find the camp no problem, but I'd been hoping the magical boundaries would just keep her out like a force field. It hadn't occurred to me that Peleus might attack.

"You have a dragon living at your camp and him eating everyone isn't the first thing you think of?" Magnus asked with a twinge of hope to his voice like his cousin being a psychopath was the good option.

"It was now," was Percy's only response to that as he scowled at her too.

"We've got to hurry." I glanced at Nico. "I don't suppose you could conjure up some skeleton horses."

"Or, shadow travel you there?" Jason looked at him strangely for still focusing on a ride instead of a trip.

"I didn't know if he could do it with other people and this didn't feel like the time to stop and ask to compare notes!" Percy was getting snappy now. He wanted to find out if Rachel was okay, not have seven people in the back of his head asking questions!

He wheezed as he ran. "So tired . . . couldn't summon a dog bone."

"Honestly, the fact that any of you are doing more than shuffling along that sidewalk without your knees and back popping in protest says something," Will agreed. He wasn't really anxious since he knew it turned out fine, but all three of them had to be at their maximum of tapped out adrenaline dumps and were running on preserves, fumes, and whatever dregs of godly power were left in their system.

Finally we scrambled over the embankment to the shore, and I let out a loud whistle. I hated doing it.

Percy smiled at the way they all lit up with suppressed excitement though. He might have to gather everyone on the roof and see if he could get some hippocampi down here, just for a visit...and if one just so happened to bring Tyson all the better... now the only real problem was if that would draw to much attention? He should probably run it by Annabeth, but man was it tempting to just run with it...

Even with the sand dollar I'd given the East River for a magic cleaning, the water here was pretty polluted. I didn't want to make any sea animals sick, but they came to my call.

Three wake lines appeared in the gray water, and a pod of hippocampi broke the surface. They whinnied unhappily, shaking the river muck from their manes. They were beautiful creatures, with multicolored fish tails, and the heads and forelegs of white stallions. The hippocampus in front was much bigger than the others—a ride fit for a Cyclops.

"Rainbow!" I called. "How's it going, buddy?"

He neighed a complaint.

"Love it when you don't even need a translator to be involved," Annabeth chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I said. "But it's an emergency. We need to get to camp."

He snorted.

"Tyson?" I said. "Tyson is fine! I'm sorry he's not here. He's a big general now in the Cyclops army."

"Does that make Rainbow a noble steed?" Alex grinned at the idea of such splendor.

"I think all hippocampus are noble steeds," Magnus readily agreed.

"NEEEEIGGGGH!"

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll still bring you apples. Now, about that ride . . ."

In no time, Annabeth, Nico, and I were zipping up the East River faster than Jet Skis. We sped under the Throgs Neck Bridge and headed for Long Island Sound.

"The secret to beating traffic nobody ever told me," Jason chuckled, though he felt like he didn't have much experience with the idea anyways, the strange idea lingered in the back of his mind of someone complaining about this.

"Yeah, real national treasure of a lifehack," Percy grinned.

It seemed like forever until we saw the beach at camp. We thanked the hippocampi and waded ashore, only to find Argus waiting for us. He stood in the sand with his arms crossed, his hundred eyes glaring at us.

"Someone's in trouble," Thalia said in a way to cheerful singsong voice.

Percy sighed and didn't respond, which prompted Magnus to quickly keep reading, even though Percy was starting to relax a bit. The general feeling in the room was just anxious, not misery like what had accompanied Luke's final breath. He knew Thalia and Rachel had gotten along fine, there was no way those in the know would be so chill about this if something really bad had happened to her. He just wanted to know what the final results were already.

"Is she here?" I asked.

He nodded grimly.

"Is everything okay?" Annabeth said.

Argus shook his head.

Will couldn't help a soft giggle how well that summed up Percy's experience with Rachel though. Oh yeah, she'd always been around, but rarely when everything was okay. Nico gave him a fond smile, feeling instantly in on the joke even without it having to be explained.

We followed him up the trail. It was surreal being back at camp, because everything looked so peaceful: no burning buildings, no wounded fighters. The cabins were bright in the sunshine, and the fields glittered with dew. But the place was mostly empty.

Annabeth had felt a hollow ache in her that had made her want to instantly put her hand in Percy's. Every shadow had haunted her for years of envisioning Luke back in those fields, smiling just to see her again. Now that had all been gone, and she hadn't even the time to really process his loss before she'd been jumping right into Percy's next problem.

The following weeks had helped, as she'd laid in his arms with guilt for his comfort, but the exhaustion in her soul had only made her hold him tighter as he returned the embrace without question.

Up at the Big House, something was definitely wrong. Green light was shooting out all the windows, just like I'd seen in my dream about May Castellan. Mist—the magical kind—swirled around the yard.

"Nobody thought the weird weather of this place was finally making an appearance Percy, calm your brain down," Thalia sighed.

"I will when you do," Percy snorted.

Chiron lay on a horse-size stretcher by the volleyball pit, a bunch of satyrs standing around him.

Blackjack cantered nervously in the grass.

"Awww, he has nothing to fear, Percy would never make Pegasus soup out of him," Alex promised.

"I might withhold donuts from him though if he ever pulls a stunt like this again," Percy grumbled.

Don't blame me, boss! he pleaded when he saw me. The weird girl made me do it!

Annabeth couldn't help but laugh the hardest, trying to promise herself she'd explain the context of that to Rachel if it ever slipped out.

Rachel Elizabeth Dare stood at the bottom of the porch steps. Her arms were raised like she was waiting for someone inside the house to throw her a ball.

"That's, exactly what's going on," Will chuckled in surprise. It never failed to amuse him that as often as Percy called himself an idiot in social situations, he seemed to pick right up on them anyways.

Alex appraised him for a moment in agreement, even if she wasn't yet sold on how much of a good thing that was. Would Sally have been able to take up this mantle if given the chance? Just because Rachel could see through the Mist didn't mean she should jump straight to this.

"What's she doing?" Annabeth demanded. "How did she get past the barriers?"

"She flew," one of the satyrs said, looking accusingly at Blackjack. "Right past the dragon, right through the magic boundaries."

"Thank the gods nobody seemed to mention to Kronos this very obvious weakness," Jason huffed.

"Can you imagine how that would work in the big picture though?" Nico shook his head. "He'd have to fly his army in on blimps to get close, and they would have shot them out of the sky."

Jason agreed it sounded silly out loud, but he still wouldn't have put it past Kronos to try if he hadn't set his sights on Olympus instead of continuing to try his assault against Camp.

"Rachel!" I called, but the satyrs stopped me when I tried to go any closer.

"We might have been hyping Grover up to much guys," Nico spluttered on a laugh. "I certainly wouldn't have tried to step between Percy right then."

"I think the satyrs are just braver than they give themselves credit for in general," Percy huffed, twitching around in his seat like he still wanted to throw something off his shoulders.

"Percy, don't," Chiron warned. He winced as he tried to move. His left arm was in a sling, his two back legs were in splints, and his head was wrapped in bandages. "You can't interrupt."

"I thought you explained things to her!"

"I did. And I invited her here."

"Never, ever asking Chiron to explain anything again!" Percy tried to say without gritting his teeth. Annabeth just gave him a sad smile of understanding. She'd gone to his side, tried to fuss over his bandages. She'd watched Percy stare at him like the lake should be boiling and throwing out seamonsters any second before he'd turned back towards Rachel. He'd understood in the end.

I stared at him in disbelief. "You said you'd never let anyone try again! You said—"

"I know what I said, Percy. But I was wrong.

Percy's anger had melted away at him, but that had only left more room for concern. Everybody was being way to confident about the fickle gods who needed to be Pinky Promised by a river not to forget about their kids existing!

Rachel had a vision about the curse of Hades. She believes it may be lifted now. She convinced me she deserves a chance."

"And if the curse isn't lifted? If Hades hasn't gotten to that yet, she'll go crazy!"

The Mist swirled around Rachel. She shivered like she was going into shock.

"Hey!" I shouted. "Stop!"

I ran toward her, ignoring the satyrs. I got within ten feet and hit something like an invisible beach ball.

'Second time he's mentioned that specifically,' Jason couldn't help but notice with a sad smile. Percy was back at Camp after the worst, most hectic days of his life. All he'd wanted to come home to was fun and relaxing on the beach. Instead he got this shit show of yet another friend nearly dying, one who had somehow been out of the worst of the mayhem before. Guy could not catch a break.

I bounced back and landed in the grass.

Rachel opened her eyes and turned. She looked like she was sleepwalking—like she could see me, but only in a dream.

"It's all right." Her voice sounded far away. "This is why I've come."

"You'll be destroyed!"

She shook her head. "This is where I belong, Percy. I finally understand why."

It sounded too much like what May Castellan had said. I had to stop her, but I couldn't even get to my feet.

Annabeth slipped her hand into his like she hadn't been brave enough to do before. Silently promising, conveying in just that touch that everything was going to be okay. She understood Percy's desire to stop this from happening, but she'd had to admit to herself a long time ago that she couldn't fix everything. Percy might not need the reminder as much as her, but moments like this, as he squeezed back and released a ragged breath, she knew he understood he had to let his friend go and do what was best for her.

The house rumbled. The door flew open and green light poured out. I recognized the warm musty smell of snakes.

Will was waving his hand under his nose at just the thought. He'd never realized he'd been lucky to have missed yet another fantastic moment of history right on their own Big House porch while they'd been trying to figure out how to load everyone back into the vans and pretending they'd make it out of gridlock traffic before summer break was over.

Mist curled into a hundred smoky serpents, slithering up the porch columns, curling around the house.

Then the Oracle appeared in the doorway.

The withered mummy shuffled forward in her rainbow dress. She looked even worse than usual, which is saying a lot. Her hair was falling out in clumps. Her leathery skin was cracking like the seat of a worn-out bus. Her glassy eyes stared blankly into space, but I got the creepiest feeling she was being drawn straight toward Rachel.

Rachel held out her arms. She didn't look scared.

"You never do either," Annabeth grinned, and that felt nice for Percy to see. It was a good feeling for a moment to believe that instead of ruining Rachel's life by this being his fault, his influence to lead her down to this crazy messed up world of his, instead he'd at least been beside her showing her how to handle being dragged down it.

"You've waited too long," Rachel said. "But I'm here now."

The sun blazed more brightly. A man appeared above the porch, floating in the air—a blond dude in a white toga, with sunglasses and a cocky smile.

"Apollo," I said.

He winked at me but held up his finger to his lips.

Percy gave a fuzzy glare to the book at being shushed. It usually just made him want to snap at someone more. He supposed, this time though, he really was just as much a bystander to this as everyone else in this room usually was to his life.

"Rachel Elizabeth Dare," he said. "You have the gift of prophecy. But it is also a curse. Are you sure you want this?"

Rachel nodded. "It's my destiny."

"Do you accept the risks?"

"I do."

"Then proceed," the god said.

Rachel closed her eyes. "I accept this role. I pledge myself to Apollo, God of Oracles. I open my eyes to the future and embrace the past. I accept the spirit of Delphi, Voice of the Gods, Speaker of Riddles, Seer of Fate."

I didn't know where she was getting the words, but they flowed out of her as the Mist thickened.

"The same place you pulled words out of the clouds when addressing Zeus I assume," Magnus shrugged. He'd never considered himself a particularly articulate person and couldn't imagine just spewing whatever came to mind would ever be a help. Usually when it happened, they just laughed at him.

A green column of smoke, like a huge python, uncoiled from the mummy's mouth and slithered down the stairs, curling affectionately around Rachel's feet.

Alex sighed, knowing nobody had gotten this girl a pet python nor would at least one cabin appreciate the gesture if she did, but she enjoyed the idea all the same.

The Oracle's mummy crumbled, falling away until it was nothing but a pile of dust in an old tie-dyed dress. Mist enveloped Rachel in a column.

For a moment I couldn't see her at all. Then the smoke cleared.

Rachel collapsed and curled into the fetal position. Annabeth, Nico, and I rushed forward, but Apollo said, "Stop! This is the most delicate part."

"What's going on?" I demanded. "What do you mean?"

Apollo studied Rachel with concern. "Either the spirit takes hold, or it doesn't."

"And if it doesn't?" Annabeth asked.

"Five syllables," Apollo said, counting them on his fingers. "That would be real bad."

"Poetry slam dunk," Magnus said with a blank face.

"Yeah, he's not getting praise from me outta that," Will sighed.

Despite Apollo's warning, I ran forward and knelt over Rachel. The smell of the attic was gone. The Mist sank into the ground and the green light faded. But Rachel was still pale. She was barely breathing.

Then her eyes fluttered open. She focused on me with difficulty. "Percy."

"Are you okay?"

She tried to sit up. "Ow." She pressed her hands to her temples.

"Rachel," Nico said, "your life aura almost faded completely. I could see you dying."

"What color are they?"Alex asked casually.

"Um, different for everyone," Nico said cautiously.

Alex's interest grew by the word though as she narrowed her eyes with interest on him, opening her mouth.

Nico smiled, having anticipated that, and mouthed later as a promise. Because he also already knew that Alex would hyper focus on this until she'd gotten every detail she could out of him. And that was so cool to look forward to.

"I'm all right," she murmured. "Please, help me up. The visions—they're a little disorienting."

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked.

Apollo drifted down from the porch. "Ladies and gentlemen,

Alex may have been derailed from the cool conversation about death aura's, but that wasn't going to stop her from jumping tracks to something just as entertaining to rant about. "That is such a tired and old saying, coming from a god! He could use so many better options! Beloved friends and tolerated acquaintances, FBI's most and least wanted, Friends, family, and freeloaders!"

"All's yawls, can't offend anyone that way," Will happily offered.

"You can with that accent," Percy snorted.

"Did you just, make those up on the spot?" Thalia looked at her with interest.

"Of course not," she scoffed, "I keep a running list. The lot of you are currently sitting at, scalliwags and roustabouts, or allies, enemies, and those I'm still deciding about. Still go back and forth between them."

"Ladies, gentlemen, and interesting miscellanea," Annabeth offered.

"Yes!" Alex cackled.

And they all laughed too, because it was just fun. Maybe, for just these last few pages, it would stay that way.

may I introduce the new Oracle of Delphi."

"You're kidding," Annabeth said.

"Apollo does strike me as the jester of the gods, I don't blame you," Thalia nodded.

Will sighed and didn't even look offended, so now Thalia was probably going to be tied up by Jason and demanded to know the rest of the politics up on Olympus the second they all had their backs turned.

Rachel managed a weak smile. "It's a little surprising to me too, but this is my fate. I saw it when I was in New York. I know why I was born with true sight. I was meant to become the Oracle."

"Rachel Elizabeth Dare, the Oracle of Delphi. Man I hope she gets someone with a really cool voice to introduce her into every room," Magnus chuckled.

"I don't think Camp has the budget for that, but I'll bring it up with Chiron," Will grinned.

I blinked. "You mean you can tell the future now?"

"Not all the time," she said. "But there are visions, images, words in my mind. When someone asks me a question, I . . . Oh no—"

"It's starting," Apollo announced.

Rachel doubled over like someone had punched her. Then she stood up straight and her eyes glowed serpent green.

"That was terrifying," Percy decided to inform anyone who thought otherwise.

"Gods, she's not going to spew out all the prophecies everyone was denied in the past from that mummy being stuffed in the attic is she?" Jason asked in concern.

"Worse," Annabeth sighed. These lines had haunted her nightmares already no matter how hard she tried to shove them aside as she awoke. She'd swear sometimes she got the feeling it was her own mother drawing this memory to the forefront.

When she spoke, her voice sounded tripled—like three Rachels were talking at once:

"Seven half-bloods shall answer the call.

Magnus stuttered to a quiet awe, as did everyone else in the room when Jason began chanting with a faraway look in his eyes.

To storm or fire, the world must fall.

An oath to keep with a final breath,

And foes bear arms to the Doors of Death."

"How, did you know that..." Nico asked with a deep, concerned frown. He already knew the answer to his own question. He seemed the only one with a clue about Jason's life, that strange other camp, far more than Jason.

Jason shook himself, swallowing hard. The way his gaze was locked on the spine of Percy's book was just the same as it had been when Percy had made his wish. His answer was too. Just like always.

Annabeth had that look in her eyes too, the kind that meant she had a battle strategy ready and raring to go. But that was ridiculous. There were eight of them in here... surely she was just trying to be ever prepared, right?

At the last word, Rachel collapsed. Nico and I caught her and helped her to the porch. Her skin was feverish.

"I'm all right," she said, her voice returning to normal.

"She got that from you," Percy accused his girlfriend.

"Hmm, I can live with that," she grinned.

"What was that?" I asked.

She shook her head, confused. "What was what?"

"I believe," Apollo said, "that we just heard the next Great Prophecy."

"And we're already starting with a total of one broken oath in the passage!" Thalia threw her hands up, but that wasn't fake anger in her tone, in the lines of her face. "Man, those idiots are off to a great start!"

Annabeth placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her sister relaxed, just a tad, but there was a pit in Jason's stomach as he watched the interaction now. Thalia had ten times the reason Percy did to resent that broken oath that resulted in them being seperated for Hera's wrath, but he felt the quiet distaste in Nico when it was mentioned for what it had cost him in his mother. This felt deeper with Thalia. There were so many broken promises in her life, it seemed the only one who had never let her down was Artemis, and from the way she pulled her jacket tight around her, he got the sense there was something about that attire too on her mind.

"What does it mean?" I demanded.

Rachel frowned. "I don't even remember what I said."

"That's so rude," Will sniffed as if he were going to personally take that up with his dad. "She gets swamped by a vision she can't even remember a word of! Can you imagine being possessed by a spirit borrowing your body and then being haunted with the idea that you have no idea what you did?"

"No, but I have a feeling there's about to be a textbook on coping mechanisms about it," Nico grinned at him.

Will didn't even bother to blush. He'd already been trying to talk to Rachel about it, how she coped with the strange feeling. His rough draft was bare bones, but even that bit of good might do something more for the next oracle than this poor girl got, or any before.

"No," Apollo mused. "The spirit will only speak through you occasionally. The rest of the time, our Rachel will be much as she's always been. There's no point in grilling her, even if she has just issued the next big prediction for the future of the world."

"So torture is out, what was the next idea?" Alex asked clinically.

"Bribery," Magnus offered. "I like to think that one's easier to start with anyways. Just throw a dino- shaped nugget at Apollo and he'll spill something I'm sure."

"Please do not throw chicken at my dad," Will frowned.

"Yeah guys, throw it in the fire as an offering like the rest of us bribe the gods every night just to listen," Percy grinned.

"What?" I said. "But—"

"Percy," Apollo said, "I wouldn't worry too much. The last Great Prophecy about you took almost seventy years to complete. This one may not even happen in your lifetime."

"We can only hope," Percy said without a trace of hope. "Guys, I need all the help I can get for that to be true. No throwing food at Apollo."

"Awww," Magnus and Alex groaned, but they all knew, they'd acquit. Just for Percy.

I thought about the lines Rachel had spoken in that creepy voice: about storm and fire and the Doors of Death. "Maybe," I said, "but it didn't sound so good."

"Neither did yours, and like, a large majority of people lived through it, including the planet," Thalia offered. A restlessness to her voice, but trying for a joke for him all the same.

"Yeah, don't think the next batch would get so lucky. Poor guys, and gals, and miscellaneous pals," Percy sighed, but it at least got them all to laugh lightly again.

"No," said Apollo cheerfully. "It certainly didn't. She's going to make a wonderful Oracle!"

"Not a, threshold I'd have expected," Jason said with a look of pain.

"No tryouts for other Oracle's in my lifetime please," Percy reminded swiftly. He didn't even want to consider what all that might entail for Rachel. It seemed like a life-long commitment.

Jason nodded in agreement, but this still felt very naggy and uncomfortable as it lingered heavy in his mind. The other Oracle had as well, it wasn't even Rachel specifically. Just something of this whole situation.

It was hard to drop the subject, but Apollo insisted that Rachel needed to rest, and she did look pretty disoriented.

"I'm sorry, Percy," she said. "Back on Olympus, I didn't explain everything to you, but the calling frightened me. I didn't think you'd understand."

"I still don't," I admitted. "But I guess I'm happy for you."

Rachel smiled. "Happy probably isn't the right word. Seeing the future isn't going to be easy, but it's my destiny. I only hope my family . . ."

She didn't finish her thought.

No. Her family would not understand. Rachel had no more delusions about that than any of them. She'd accepted her role, and would grow comfortable in the pattern of being the Oracle the same way she did being the daughter of her father. Not happy with it. Just learning to accept it for what it was as a part of her life.

"Will you still go to Clarion Academy?" I asked.

"I made a promise to my father. I guess I'll try to be a normal kid during the school year, but—"

"But right now you need sleep," Apollo scolded. "Chiron, I don't think the attic is the proper place for our new Oracle, do you?"

"Psssht, best room in that place and they try to take it away from her?" Alex demanded.

"Because sleeping with cursed objects is a great way to live," Magnus sighed.

"Keeps every morning you wake up a new joy," Alex grinned.

"No, indeed." Chiron looked a lot better now that Apollo had worked some medical magic on him.

"Did he just sprinkle magic dust on him when you weren't looking?" Jason asked in mild concern.

"Basically," Percy shrugged. He assumed that's why half the kids who came back to camp could actually make it up the hill anyways.

"Rachel may use a guest room in the Big House for now, until we give the matter more thought."

"I'm thinking a cave in the hills," Apollo mused. "With torches and a big purple curtain over the entrance . . . really mysterious. But inside, a totally decked-out pad with a game room and one of those home theater systems."

"Apollo is my spirit god," Alex grinned.

"So, you're saying we can throw food at you when we want to bribe you?" Percy grinned.

"Gods, yes please!" She cackled.

Chiron cleared his throat loudly.

"What?" Apollo demanded.

"The fact that Chiron just casually cut him off though," Annabeth giggled. "First time I've seen it and I just know this has happened in the past before."

"Oh yeah, I imagine anyone who meets this nut finds a polite way to do that five seconds after meeting him," Thalia assured.

Rachel kissed me on the cheek. "Good-bye, Percy," she whispered.

"I cannot believe she dared do that in front of you- no, wait. It's in her name. I'd believe she'd dare to do anything," Magnus grinned at his cousin.

"You know what, Percy was right. You're all a bunch of idiots who are not funny," Annabeth rolled her eyes affectionately.

"And Will was right too. We are hilarious," Alex sniffed.

"And I don't have to see the future to tell you what to do now, do I?"

Her eyes seemed more piercing than before.

I blushed. "No."

"Good," she said. Then she turned and followed Apollo into the Big House.

The rest of the day was as strange as the beginning. Campers trickled in from New York by car, pegasus, and chariot. The wounded were cared for. The dead were given proper funeral rites at the campfire.

Well that was one quick way to wipe the smiles off of all present faces. They really never could seem to just get an, okay, everything fine now, all clear signal.

Silena's shroud was hot pink, but embroidered with an electric spear.

"She would've loved it," Annabeth said with a knowing smile, still tinged with sadness. It was hard to let go of her memory when she swore she kept seeing Silena out of the corner of her eye in all the girls' faces. Clarisse had never been the same after that day either. Quieter. She cherished Chris, and it had softened her immensely.

They were all glad for it, just not what had led to this new head of Ares cabin.

The Ares and Aphrodite cabins both claimed her as a hero, and lit the shroud together. No one mentioned the word spy. That secret burned to ashes as the designer perfume smoke drifted into the sky.

Will understood why of course, and Clarisse might have gone on a murder spree if that hadn't been, but well, he wished Chiron had made some sort of informal announcement too. Everybody knew, but nobody talked about it. Which was the major problem at camp at all times. Maybe if their leader had ever put that awful rumor to rest along with her memory, the whispers and fears of who else could have been the traitor would have faded too.

Even Ethan Nakamura was given a shroud—black silk with a logo of swords crossed under a set of scales.

Jason cleared his throat gently, understanding if someone wanted to ignore him right now, but he got undivided attention as he asked, "don't the cabins make the shrouds? Who," he left the awkward question hanging, a part of himself hoping nobody would answer and just move on.

"The Hermes kids offered," Percy said with a knowing, sad smile. "They did for all the unclaimed kids, but I asked Chiron to help me with this one."

Jason nodded his thanks past the lump in his throat. He'd disliked the idea of these cabins sorted by gods from the beginning, but he felt a kinship to the idea now. Understanding at least in some small way the unity it gave them all, but also feeling like a piece of trash for highlighting how it would always make kids like Ethan stand out and even their ghosts left to feel unwelcome if someone like Percy hadn't stepped up.

As his shroud went up in flames, I hoped Ethan knew he had made a difference in the end. He'd paid a lot more than an eye, but the minor gods would finally get the respect they deserved.

Nico had never tried to find his ghost to ask, to check if he was resting in peace. He'd gone from spending a few weeks at camp trying to enjoy himself while avoiding the funerals and all who went with them and then ditching the place when he couldn't stomach seeing Percy holding Annabeth's hand at all hours anymore to his travels again to give much after-thought to the Campers of the Underworld specifically.

He felt a cold sense gripping him though, like Ethan was smirking just behind him if he turned around fast enough. Percy had gotten him a cabin, recognition for his father, and yet if he'd died that cabin probably would have remained forever empty and haunted. He'd have died for a very large gravestone. It felt reckless all of a sudden how he'd been just sustaining himself instead of actually trying to live until he had to die.

Dinner at the pavilion was low-key. The only highlight was Juniper the tree nymph, who screamed, "Grover!" and gave her boyfriend a flying tackle hug,

Alex chuckled lightly as she imagined a bush flying through the air and changing at the last second. Grover would have been happy either way.

making everybody cheer. They went down to the beach to take a moonlit walk, and I was happy for them, though the scene reminded me of Silena and Beckendorf, which made me sad.

Sometimes Percy hated that he always wore the same camp-shirt so much. It made memories blur together. He was worried the next time he sat at that table and remembered Silena and Beckendorf and Grover and Juniper they'd keep blurring together and he'd forget how to separate the happiness and sadness of it all.

Mrs. O'Leary romped around happily, eating everybody's table scraps. Nico sat at the main table with Chiron and Mr. D, and nobody seemed to think this was out of place. Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids seemed to think he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you're everybody's best friend.

Nico resisted the urge to look at Will's smugness rolling off of him and he swallowed a scoff. Yeah, that had lasted until the weekend, at best. He couldn't shake the idea after the funerals that people couldn't meet his eyes, that other kids still whispered as he walked away, that nobody came to visit his cabin because they were already sure it was haunted. They'd smile and wave at him in arts and crafts but never invite him to their table.

He still thought Will was an idiot for thinking he'd ever be fully accepted there, but he could also admit to himself he hadn't the guts to try either. He'd never asked, and those campers hadn't either. It was just a lot of silence.

The nagging feeling wouldn't leave though. Even Percy had admitted he was just too different! What if he went back and they were only faking being his friend because everyone liked his friends? He didn't want to go back, somewhere he'd never been wanted, just because he liked spending time with Will... but he'd try. He took a deep breath and really committed to the idea he'd at least try, for his own sake.

Slowly, the dinner crowd trickled away. Some went to the campfire for a sing-along. Others went to bed. I sat at the Poseidon table by myself and watched the moonlight on Long Island Sound. I could see Grover and Juniper at the beach, holding hands and talking. It was peaceful.

"Hey." Annabeth slid next to me on the bench. "Happy birthday."

"Speaking of peaceful," Percy chuckled as he squeezed her hand.

"I am clearly not doing my job right then," she grinned as she squeezed back.

She was holding a huge misshapen cupcake with blue icing.

"I didn't know you could bake?" Thalia yelped.

"Tyson helped," she agreed with a weak smile.

"That, did not make that better," Magnus frowned in vague concern if that curse of Percy's prevented poisoning.

"That's what happened to the kitchen!" Will at least busted out laughing. "I was so confused, I thought the harpies had a field day while we were gone, or someone snuck in and only managed to destroy just that one room before they were caught! Katie was so livid and still complains she can't get all the icing out of the stove!"

"It wasn't that bad!" Annabeth tried to insist, but her voice was already giving in to a lost fight, so they all knew it really had been. Wow.

"It's the thought that counts," Percy cheerfully cut in anyways. He should know. He'd exploded his fair share of mixers as his mom smiled and helped him clean up.

I stared at her. "What?"

"It's August 18th," she said. "Your birthday, right?"

"I don't blame you for having to confirm," Alex said, "I got the impression he doesn't advertise the date much."

"I had to ask his mom, he said he forgot!" Annabeth agreed in exasperation.

"I panicked," Percy sighed, "I couldn't figure out why you wanted to know."

I was stunned. It hadn't even occurred to me, but she was right. I had turned sixteen this morning— the same morning I'd made the choice to give Luke the knife. The prophecy had come true right on schedule, and I hadn't even thought about the fact that it was my birthday.

"Thank gods," Jason snorted. "Didn't need anything else in your head at that time to distract you."

"ADHD Jace," Percy reminded pointedly. "I always have multiple things bouncing around in my brain."

"Why would you even bother to lie about that?" Jason scoffed. "I've been listening to your head for days! Annabeth, how to kill enemy, random inappropriate thought that should have got you vaporized, repeat."

Percy struggled for a moment to think of something to snap back before just muttering, "dammit," and turning away.

"Make a wish," she said.

"Did you bake this yourself?" I asked.

"Tyson helped."

"That explains why it looks like a chocolate brick," I said. "With extra blue cement."

"Helps it stick to your lips better," Alex muttered under her breath.

Magnus tried not to groan and laugh at the same time and the sound was more painful than anything.

Annabeth laughed.

I thought for a second, then blew out the candle.

"Don't anybody bother to ask what I wished for!" Percy smirked, arms crossed, completely confident he wouldn't give himself away.

"Annabeth," they all said at once like he was dense.

He deflated and couldn't even look that embarrassed.

"Dude, you just had an unlimited wish earlier that day! I don't think a birthday candle wish is going to hold that much sway with the universe," Alex just had to put a hole in his sails too.

"Yeah, well, um, dumped can, could also mean," Percy stammered himself into silence and looked at Annabeth.

She just gave him a wink and waved her cousin on. They were so close to being done, no way was she going to spoil this now!

We cut it in half and shared, eating with our fingers. Annabeth sat next to me, and we watched the ocean. Crickets and monsters were making noise in the woods, but otherwise it was quiet.

"You saved the world," she said.

"We saved the world."

"And Rachel is the new Oracle, which means she won't be dating anybody."

"Is that really the most important thing that happened that day?" Thalia asked mildly.

"I'm sure for Rachel it was," Annaebth managed some kind of fake innocence.

"You don't sound disappointed," I noticed.

Annabeth shrugged. "Oh, I don't care."

"Uh-huh."

She raised an eyebrow. "You got something to say to me, Seaweed Brain?"

"You'd probably kick my butt."

"You know I'd kick your butt."

"The words true love are somehow anagramed in there, I just know it," Will chuckled.

"It's not like any of us can spell to prove you otherwise," Nico agreed mildly.

I brushed the cake off my hands. "When I was at the River Styx, turning invulnerable . . . Nico said I had to concentrate on one thing that kept me anchored to the world, that made me want to stay mortal."

Annabeth kept her eyes on the horizon. "Yeah?"

"Then up on Olympus," I said, "when they wanted to make me a god and stuff, I kept thinking—"

"Oh, you so wanted to."

"Well, maybe a little. But I didn't, because I thought—I didn't want things to stay the same for eternity, because things could always get better. And I was thinking . . ." My throat felt really dry.

"Anyone in particular?" Annabeth asked, her voice soft.

I looked over and saw that she was trying not to smile.

"You're the worst," Percy gave her the poutiest look. "Did you have to make this as difficult on me as humanly possible!"

"Well, yes," she smirked. "After all the grief I went through, it only seemed fair-" she couldn't pretend anymore as she really burst out laughing. "Okay, I'm sorry! I was trying so hard to let you talk and be serious, but honestly seaweed brain, I just wanted to kiss you and shut you up already but you looked like you really needed to get that off your chest!"

"Haha, so glad you enjoyed," he grinned.

"Oh I did, every moment," she smiled as she brushed at his lips with the tips of her fingers as if blue frosting still lingered.

"You're laughing at me," I complained.

"I am not!"

"You are so not making this easy."

Then she laughed for real, and she put her hands around my neck. "I am never, ever going to make things easy for you, Seaweed Brain. Get used to it."

When she kissed me, I had the feeling my brain was melting right through my body.

"I think he got used to it guys," Thalia said cheerfully.

"Yeah, yeah, we're all so shocked, it's not like he's repeatedly been shown to be very adaptive," Magnus rolled his eyes as he loudly read on.

Percy didn't care, as he basked in the moment and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He didn't care if someone dumped monster dust on him or if every Aphrodite girl popped up to tell him he was somehow dumping someone he'd never met or what happened next. This moment was perfect, and nothing could ruin it.

I could've stayed that way forever,

"Because a volcano probably wasn't set to explode this time, or a bridge?" Magnus asked mock innocently.

"Well it's certainly a positive," Annabeth agreed.

except a voice behind us growled, "Well, it's about time!"

Percy squealed like a guinea pig who had been grabbed to tight and jumped in his seat as he looked at the book, then Will in betrayal.

"Believe it or not, the entirety of camp does have better things to do than follow you two around," Will sniffed in a haughty voice.

"That being said, yes, I'm positive Clarisse was planning this the moment she got back to Camp," Annabeth chuckled, "and no, I didn't say anything to her."

Percy sighed and let it go. He was used to moments ruining his life, it just made him enjoy the seconds all the more.

Suddenly the pavilion was filled with torchlight and campers. Clarisse led the way as the eavesdroppers charged and hoisted us both onto their shoulders.

"Well that's better than my previous assumption they were all just sitting there with confetti at the ready," Thalia grinned.

"Yeah, waiting to ambush us and toss us around is so much better," Percy frowned at anyone interrupting this like it was a good thing...but then, he couldn't imagine what could cause this memory to be bad either.

"Oh, come on!" I complained. "Is there no privacy?"

"No." Thalia gave him a sad smile. "Though I find it very strange you asking for that on your last book that's nearly done."

"Yeah, yeah," Percy agreed with the kind of shrug that meant he was used to it, but it was still irksome. Gods, he couldn't wait for this to be Jaons's problem as much as him!

"The lovebirds need to cool off!" Clarisse said with glee.

"The canoe lake!" Connor Stoll shouted.

With a huge cheer, they carried us down the hill, but they kept us close enough to hold hands.

Percy's smile already said plain that he'd already gotten over the intrusion, especially as he saw Will's own. His friends had needed this moment to laugh and be at peace as much as he had after all they'd done to save his home.

Annabeth was laughing, and I couldn't help laughing too, even though my face was completely red.

We held hands right up to the moment they dumped us in the water.

Afterward, I had the last laugh.

Alex's boisterous laugh was in full agreement, she'd figured out where this was headed the moment 'cool off' was said.

I made an air bubble at the bottom of the lake. Our friends kept waiting for us to come up, but hey—when you're the son of Poseidon, you don't have to hurry.

And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time.

Percy was grinning like a fiend, like he'd just been handed the winning ticket at life. Finally, finally, everything had come full circle, made absolute sense. The smile she gave him now was the exact one she had then as she leaned close and gave him just a gentle brush of her lips as if she too couldn't wait to relive the moment forever.

[absurdly-overpowered-astronaut]

The first of (hopefully) many OC ramblings

part two

Oc posting? On this blog? More likely than you think! >:)

These guys are Kat (the one on the left) and Tory (one on the right) I made them for my writing class last week and to boil the story down to an elevator pitch ‘one day Kat discovers that not only are ghosts real but there is a secret organisation (well calling them an organisation is abit generous theres like 20 people with no funding) hunting them and on top of that that his best friend is now a ghost and hence dead! So to stop his friend’s ghost from getting hunted and to combat his inferiority complex he and Tory decide to join this organisation and now have to juggle life , death , ghosts hunting and stopping said ghost hunters from working out one of them is secretly a ghost oh and on top of that Kat‘s best friend is still somehow still alive?! Now there are two of them. One who is alive and one who is dead.’ this ended up longer than I thought it would…oh well I guess it’s just a really long elevator ride.

Talking about them more as characters

Kat struggles alot with as aforementioned inferiority. He’s never really been able to understand socialising so as a result to participate in conversations he learned to put himself down / put himself in uncomfortable situations and that self depreciating humour was the only way he could socialise consistently. It was easier to just assume he was always wrong then it was to try and understand the complexity’s of the social dynamics at play or to stand up for himself , It was easier to not try at any then to try really hard and get picked apart by his family for not being the best at said thing , it was easier to take the blame for things he didn’t do because no one would believe him anyway.

This is where Cory comes in (Cory is alive version of the character and Tory is dead version of the character I don’t want to get to much into Cory because I’m writing this as a way to recover from exam week stress and I’ve worked out that if I ration out oc lore posting then I can cover all the exam days but anyway I’m getting off track) Cory is someone Kat has very complicated VERY gay feelings over. On the one hand Cory is like a life raft to Kat he’s his only friend , he stands up for him , he acts as almost a social translator of sorts , he gives Kat a space to be start to unlearn bad coping mechanisms.

But Kat also feels a tangled mess of guilt and jealousy. Cory is smart , he doesn’t struggle with understanding things and seemingly has a good home life (all of which are some what untrue but once again I’ll hold off on the Cory info dumping) he feels like Cory is just wasting his time on him like he should and will be abandoned by Cory and its just a matter of time but also that he wants to be like Cory. Less in a apparitional way but more in a “the oracle told me to beware the ides and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t wished for an untimely death or demise what motivates me is it hatred is it love? Whats wrong that I too wish to be great and my mother wished she’d had a son” way , he doesn’t want to be like Cory so much as he wants to be the idealised version of Cory in his head. By demonising himself and idolising Cory he ends up in a cycle of hurting both himself and his best friend and Cory accidentally feeds into this also with his own toxic mentality “if I show him any part of myself thats not presentable he’ll leave me” and the boys are so wrapped up in their own perceptions of eachother they can’t recognise how the other person is hurt and how they are hurting themselves and its a whole thing or in other words.

Conversely Tory is a seemingly very different person to Cory despite being the same person. Cory is very charismatic and presents outwardly as self sufficient but Tory for lack of a more fitting descriptor is a sad wet cat in human form. A pathetic little mew mew if you will. (Also the reason he is call Tory is because its short for Cory two and sounds like とり)

Tory and Kat have a very different dynamic than Cory and Kat having pretty much flipped dynamics. Where as in Cory and Kat’s relationship Cory had the power now Kat has the power. He gets to be the one who knows things , he gets to be the protector , he gets to keep secrets for the greater good and he gets the social power. He enjoys getting to have power and agency.

I’m struggling to be coherent so I’m going to put this in terms of Krapman’s triangle.

Kat and Cory is victim saviour Kat sees Cory as his saviour Cory see’s himself as Kats saviour and Kat see’s himself as a victim with no agency and Cory see’s Kat as a victim with no agency that needs protection.

Kat and Tory is saviour victim Tory sees Kat as his saviour Kat see’s himself as Tory’s saviour and Tory see’s himself as a victim with no agency and Kat sees Tory as a victim with no agency that needs protection.

(I’ve been listening to alot of Crane Wives recently and they are very inspired by many a Crane Wives song)

Now I should probably explain the goose in the room. That is Goose! She is part of the ghost hunting agency and is able to sense supernatural forces. Tory because of his ghost powers he and by extension his team become high ranking members of the organisation and Goose is assigned to the team under the guise of being part of the promotion but is actually there to prove the leader’s suspicions of Tory actually being a ghost.

I like to imagine if this become anything it would be a really cool set up and pay off of having Goose the join the party really early on and the audience is all like “okay cool animal companion” but then during the BIG REVEAL that the ghost hunters knew the whole time that Tory was a ghost because of Goose and was just waiting to act on this information and just having Kat be absolutely crushed that he tryed so hard to protect Tory and he felt useful and like a smart boy and it turns out that it didn’t even matter and all because of a singular silly goose.

Goose being a goose was inspired by a video I saw the other day taking about how geese were becoming used as guard animals in prisons instead of dog because geese can not be bribed and thought it was fitting. I also just like geese.

This is the concept art I drew of the boys! They didn’t change to much from their initial concept designs surprisingly.

Now I get to talk about the magic system of the world! I’m unreasonably proud of it :) Okay so I really like the prison uniform designs in milgram and I kept seeing pictures of these cool beats and such which made me want to craft a world where the characters wore this kind of belt/cottage core stuff and so I came up with the idea of ghosts being repelled by natural materials!

Leather , whool , chawk , lead , sticks ect ect and it just opened up so many fun possibilities. I haven’t fully worked out how ghost would react to the materials I know touching them to ghosts feels like burning and they are repelled/negatively effected by them I just haven’t figured out to what extent. Here some visuals concepts I drew of possibilities. It was actually really fun to make the smoke effect it was just a scribble that I erased holes into and then blended.

I don’t want to say to much because this once again ties into Cory stuff so I’ll go more in more depth in the future but essentially ghosts attacking people used to be a really big problem in the past so clothes where designed with this in mind but after ghost all mysteriously vanished clothes started to be made of non-natural materials and no longer had ghost protection in mind so the ghost hunters wear older clothing styles because those provide the most protection (and makes them visually distinct from other characters :) IT IS SO FUN TO THINK OF DIFFERENT OUTFIT COMBINATIONS FOR CHARACTERS!

There are a couple different things ghosts can do personal to the ghost but the most can do possession , levitate objects/people and switch things.

Kat uses knifes and fights in close range so the ghost could easily make contact with him and possess him so he wears a wool sweater , gold necklace and leather bag all these are around the area that gets touched to get possessed to avoid this but getting levitated isn’t really issue like it would be for other characters because he can just throw his knifes so he doesn’t have any ghost protection on his shoes/legs.

Even though the bag provides a perch for Goose and is good protection it could get trouble some in close combat so it has clips so that it can be dropped easily.

All the characters have atleast two outfits. One is for when they are ghost fighting in public and don’t want to look suspicious and other is for when they are alone and can afford to be as protected as possible.

The buttons are made of ghost resistant materials and are to prevent ghosts from attempting suffocation. Kat can’t actually uses his knives when undercover so he uses his bag as a weapon but when its just the ghost hunters he’s allowed to go stabbing (only ghosts ofc)

And then Tory doesn’t have anything because he is a ghost and it would hurt him :( (this is actually the reason why Cory has little wooden do ups on his jacket and Tory doesn’t. Its because the wood as a natural material would hurt Tory so he has to get them changed)

it was/is so fun to think of different ways of using the ghost weakness for character design purposes and fight scenes where cards are effect by different techniques to different degrees and ahh so fun! I never thought I’d love thinking about this kind of stuff so much.

Here is some art of them from when I actually started to finalise their designs.

I had alot of fun designing hair for these two especially. It was an interesting challenge in stylisation. I tried to give them similar but different shapes.

Thank you so much for reading about my sillys!!!! In honestly it means the absolute world to me that you read the whole thing :)

[jihyocentric]

idk if anyone has requested for the summary of dormmate!nayeon yet, but I would like to! It’s been a while since we have got an update about them🥺

thanks in advance and have a great day, lumi!

made this a filler drabble to give context to the next request for this au!

-

getting to know yeri shifted something between them. jihyo slowly realizes that nayeon has been sweeter with her, trying to redeem herself, knowing she was the reason why jihyo had to deal with that.

if only nayeon had resisted the urge to have jihyo, they wouldn’t be stuck in that situation. jihyo could’ve found someone nice. someone who would take care of her, always put her first and wouldn’t make her pretend she doesn’t know them when they’re not in between four walls.

this time, when the guilt begins to consume her, nayeon doesn’t drink. after the last time she drowned her sorrows in alcohol and everything went downhill, nayeon promised she wouldn’t do that again, resorting to less harmful things.

that included spending quality time with jihyo, and sometimes helping sana and momo out. there was an extracurricular project of which the two were volunteers, and while sana and momo were there for the money, nayeon wanted time for herself, keeping her mind busy while teaching kids the basics of basketball.

that way, she didn’t have to think about the mess that her life had become. the moments where she was alone at the dorm, waiting for jihyo to arrive, were the worst hours of her days. as long as she was away, either helping out on the project or taking classes at college, her problems would vanish.

even if temporarily, she could finally breathe.

“since we’re letting you participate, you should give us the money,” sana says when they’re leaving college. momo agrees with her. “you don’t need it! besides, if it wasn't for us you would never know about the project, and…”

“you can have it.” nayeon sighs, already sick of having the two around. they had become closer with time, and they certainly knew how to keep nayeon from thinking about her problems, but they talked too much. “can you just keep quiet?”

“that easy?!” sana blinks, confused, hugging nayeon’s shoulder with a smile on her face. “look at you, im. you’re such a good friend now.”

nayeon scoffs, offering her a halfhearted smile. momo was clueless to the whole nayeon and jihyo subject, and none of them were planning to tell her. nayeon still hates the fact that momo tries to reach jihyo, the jealousy stopping nayeon from accepting momo as a friend. sana finds it entertaining for the most part, an amused viewer.

when she gets home, nayeon feels a scent that calls for her, fresh and sugary, filling the entire dorm. jihyo leaves the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around her, and nayeon knows she will rightfully complain about what she plans to do, but she can’t help but engulf her in a hug, her front meeting jihyo’s back, her sweaty arms involving her.

“you’re late,” jihyo sighs, her hair being pulled aside, soft lips kissing her neck, a familiar gesture that made her stomach burn, anticipating everything that came next. “and sweaty.”

“i took the girls home today,” nayeon pushes jihyo’s body gently, making her walk. while she wouldn’t mind to fuck her in the hallway, right there and then, her legs ached after spending the day running on a court. “and now i’m taking you.”

jihyo’s back hits the mattress as soon as nayeon manages to undo her towel, and then she’s trapped in one of those moments where she thinks she should be saying no. meeting yeri made things become more real, the guilt close to palpable, but it feels so good, even when it’s bad.

nayeon’s kisses carried uncertainties that even the roughest touch couldn’t make jihyo understand what nayeon wanted behind the obvious lust. kisses shouldn’t feel that way — empty and hungry at the same time, and nayeon shouldn’t be silently telling jihyo she is hers when she couldn’t live up to the promise.

“about our date…” nayeon inches away, taking off her muscle tee and dropping it to the floor. “there’s a festival happening out of town this weekend, i thought i could take you there.”

jihyo takes a while to process what nayeon had told her, eyes locked on her tummy. the top part of her boxers was showing, nayeon entirely too lazy to fix it. the shirt had been covering it anyway.

“you’re taking me out of town so nobody can see us?” jihyo asks, bringing her hand to the belt around nayeon’s waist, unbuckling it easily.

“what a smart girl,” nayeon mashes her lips together, only letting out a small laugh. “there’s nothing interesting for us to do here. at least not this weekend… just thought you would like to do something different.”

it was true.

not entirely true, but it was still true. nayeon was taking her out of town because it was dangerous to walk around with jihyo when nobody knew she shared her dorm with her, but she wasn’t lying when she said there was nothing interesting to do around the town.

“too sweet, unnie.” jihyo sighs, pulling nayeon’s pants down to her thighs along with the boxers. she moans softly when nayeon’s cock springs out, hard from the moment she saw jihyo. “planning to take me to bed afterwards?”

nayeon shrugs, letting jihyo guide her inside, supporting herself on her arms as she leans into her neck, nibbling the smooth skin just slightly. jihyo was already covered in marks, and those needed time to heal without nayeon trying to give her more of them.

“obviously.” nayeon tells her, amused. “but i want us to have fun, too. just you and i,” she pulls away just barely, nose brushing against jihyo’s. “my pretty girl.”

wasting no time, nayeon starts to thrust. she had always been fond of giving jihyo a little praising, knowing what it did to her, combining them with searing thrusts that would make jihyo cry out beautifully.

nayeon keeps a hand on jihyo’s cheek tenderly, another holding her thigh, groaning at how jihyo claws at her ass under the pants, subtly asking nayeon to put it all in and go impossibly deep, her way of making nayeon hers, an arbitrary sense of accomplishment growing in her chest.

the same passion that put them in their current situation comes back stronger when they’re together like that — losing themselves together, bodies pressed against one another, fulfilling a need that would never be truly sated, drowning into each other’s mouths even when they could barely breathe, forgetting about the world outside.

despite everything, there's nothing to regret when it feels that good.

[teaveetamer]

Cap: *writes a blatantly sexist, racist, homophobic fic that is immensely popular and influential in the fandom and that many people have explicitly said made them feel uncomfortable when reading it*

Raxis: he's completely innocent everyone who says he ever did anything wrong are just hysterical liars with victim complexes

Moonlitboar: *says that they wanted Lambert to be more morally ambiguous and said they thought Sitri was happy in untagged posts that literally maybe a dozen people max ever saw*

Raxis: THEY DESERVED TO GET CANCELED THEY FUCKED AROUND AMD FOUND OUT THEY’RE AN ASSHOLE but i never did anything to them but i know who did but i won't tell anyone who that is BUT I'M COMPLETELY UNINVOLVED i just know exactly who is involved in this TOTALLY JUSTIFIED C A N C E L A T I O N (and totally not harassment because harassment is bad but cancelation to the point of harassment is fine)

LITERALLY what was the game plan here. His own logic makes it sound like he's actually completely down with Cap getting "canceled" AND he sounds like a blatant liar. Why couldn't he just shut his mouth for once

From the very beginning, no one on Tumblr has done anything that would break his personal definition of "normal" fandom participation. We're "harassing" Cap for talking about his fic and meta posts, but if you bring up Raxy's aggressive disregard for the block button, and how he disregards people directly asking him to leave them alone, he will be the FIRST to say "you put it on the internet so you have no right to be upset about me criticizing your dumbass takes".

He will stomp his feet and throw a tantrum if you say anything even remotely critical of Cap's fic's actual racist, sexist, and homophobic undertones, but Moonlit had one milquetoast opinion about Sitri and Lambert and they "deserve" a brutal cancellation. By his logic Cap should have been cancelled about a thousand times over by now; I'm giving him one cancellation for every use of "girls" to refer to grown women.

He will consistently justify his mistreatment of people with "but someone bullied Cap first" even if the person he's literally harassing has had nothing to do with Cap ever, but if you bring up what he demonstrably did to Moonlitboar it's "how dare you, you shouldn't 'mistreat' me for this thing I demonstrably did and even if I did do it then it wasn't my fault because they deserved it :/"

The truth of the matter is that Raxy doesn't give a shit. His "rules" for engagement are literally just "I should be allowed to react however I want whenever my feelings are hurt, and you should only be allowed to react in a way that doesn't hurt my feelings." Except this man is quite possibly the most fragile human being I have ever encountered and everything hurts his feelings. He genuinely thinks saying "I think Sitri lived a good life" is equivalent in hurtfulness to "I think it's okay to make genocide 'jokes' on your posts". Because the Sitri thing hurt his poor feelings, but well if someone tells me it's funny to remind me that my family died in the holocaust it's not his feelings getting hurt, so who gives a shit, just don't make him look too bad and he doesn't care. I wish I were kidding but that was LITERALLY his primary concern in that situation.

Not "hey talking about how genocide is cool is fucked up" or "hey maybe stop telling the woman who just told you that her family was impacted by the Holocaust that genocide is really funny and something to joke about"

Nope, it's "shut up you're making us look bad, and look now you woke Nilsh up! Don't you know I worked so hard to harass him into leaving social media!"

Like be for fucking real dude, you aren't slick. I can sum up everything you need to know about this guy's attitude in two images:

His logic looks like a mess of spaghetti because it is. Because he works backward from a conclusion ("I should be allowed to do whatever I want and no one should be allowed to do anything I don't like") and he inserts justifications as he goes, with no regard for whether or not it actually makes sense. He went from "Moonlit deserved it because they had bad takes" to "Moonlit was actually harassing me" to "I didn't actually do it anyway" to "I know exactly who did it but I won't say but it wasn't that bad" to now, apparently, "there's a conspiracy against me". He just relies on no one looking closely enough at him to notice the clear pattern. If someone does suss it out he tries to harass them into shutting up about him or he tries to delete evidence of his past logic and behavior (all the better if the person he's harassing deletes everything too, because then he can just make shit up).

The thing that really gets me is like, just how clearly unable to function he is without someone he absolutely hates to bounce off of. Does he even make original posts, or does he just constantly whine about other people's opinions? Every post I've ever seen from him about 3H, even the ones that aren't reblogs or don't have screenshots included, are like 99% "someone had an opinion I didn't agree with! Allow me to debunk it!" posts. The other 1% are recycled talking points from other people's metas, which he writes like he's got a 5,000 word paper due tomorrow that he hasn't even started and he's trying to see how much "slightly reword the wikipedia entry" he can get away with.

And not even speaking just about Raxy, but this is what pisses me off so bad about certain people in fandom. They feel empowered to harass and bully the genuinely awesome, creative people who actually make things. Those people leave, and then they have the audacity to sit there and whine about how the fandom is dead, no one is making anything, everyone left for greener pastures. They suck the life out of vibrant communities and leave nothing but a hollowed out husk. It happened with a ton of fan artists and authors in 3H, including some I'm friends with, who just had to get the fuck out because of the damage it was causing their mental health. And before he says it, no. Saying "Cap's (a white man) fic has some kinda racist and uncomfy undertones I wish he'd take some criticism to heart and correct that" is not the same thing as stalking someone and sending death threats because they have a different opinion about your favorite character. Holy fuck.

Like hey wanna know why no one wants to talk about 3H anymore? Because of this shit. Because saying "I think Lambert doing Morally Complex things is Morally Complex and therefore interesting" is the kind of opinion that can get you harassed into leaving the fandom entirely.

[burstanddecay]

Doors I Painted Shut

I don't like me.

Pairing: Benny Miller x (named) F!Reader Summary: You try to ignore the undeniable truth as best you can, but it’s undeniable for a reason. You’re in love with Benny Miller, but you think he deserves much more than you can offer. Wordcount: 2.3K Contains/Warning: This story deals with a reader that struggles with deeply with herself. It is raw, self depricating, and deals with heavy and dark thoughts. If you're struggling yourself, reach out. Ask for help. You are not alone. You are not a burden. Part one of Cold Is The Night. // Part two

North Carolina. Present day.

A big, shuddery breath rattles through your chest as you stare out onto the packed parking lot of the bar.

You suppose it’s unsurprising that it’s this busy: the holiday season has a tendency to highlight just how lonely life can be, especially this close to a major military base. A bar really does present itself as the ideal place to bury yourself in a plethora of options; booze, greasy bar food, or a willing participant that is down for a quick fuck in a bathroom stall. All valid options, for those looking to ignore their actual life and the big, gaping black hole that is swallowing it whole.

You fit into that category.

The constant anxiety you experience almost feels itchy, crawling beneath your skin with no real way out. It paralyses you: it’s fiery hot, licking at your heels, but also spreading like ice, bolting you in place. Stuck in limbo, unable to move forwards, leaving you to be devoured by your own demons. It makes you want to scream so loud you’ll go hoarse, until it’s taken up so much energy you no longer have any space left to feel anything but exhaustion.

Sitting in a parking lot, however, doesn’t do anything, so you pull the key from the ignition and reach for your phone, turning it over to see that you received a text from Benny.

Benny Miller, one of the very few constants in your life.

You jokingly referred to him as glitter when a good friend asked about him: everywhere, impossible to get rid of, somehow makes you smile even if it is a little annoying sometimes.

Even if your entire world is falling apart, there’s Benny. Not always physical, but you just know he’s there. Looking out for you in whatever way he can.

Almost any way, at least.

You try to ignore the undeniable truth as best you can, but it’s undeniable for a reason.

You’re in love with Benny Miller. Desperately, deeply in love with him, but you know it’s not something you can ask of him to give back in return.

That doesn’t stop the ache in your chest every time he smiles at you, when he calls you at 2 AM, just to tell you go to bed, Peach before hanging up, somehow just knowing that you’re awake, worrying.

He deserves better than what you can offer.

He deserves someone that isn’t a complete and utter mess.

That knowledge does nothing to stop the ache that intertwines itself with the anxiety in your chest, eating away at you like an infection, tearing through the flesh and leaving you with nothing but bones rattling against each other.

You want to reach out, to say I’m not doing okay, but at the same time, your conviction chants in the back of your head like a work song.

He deserves more. He doesn’t need your mess.  

So you keep going, keeping the worry and doubt close to your chest, hoping that no one notices you’re nothing but bones kept up by sheer stubbornness at this point. It’s exhausting, but you manage. Barely. But it’s enough.

In your hand, your phone buzzes again, a new text notification popping up. The first one reads Five minutes until I’m ordering you one of those shots that’s just bar juices poured into a glass. The second, the one that came in just now reads Too late. It’s grey and smells like gasoline. Should be tasty!

You huff out a small laugh, lips curling up at the corners. You reach for your bag before opening the car door, the gravel crunching under your feet as they hit the ground.

It’s colder than you anticipated, a breeze biting into your skin as you pick up your pace, running to the door that someone opens as you’re reaching for it. A guy a few years younger than yourself smiles at you, beckoning for you to enter. You nod your head as a silent thanks, slipping past him, eyes racking over the crowd inside the bar, looking for either Will or Benny.

Normally, there was a chance Frankie and/or Santiago would be accompanying them, but with both of them away on trips with their respective girlfriends, it’s just you, Will and Benny left in town for the holidays, leaving you with fewer recognisable options to find, especially as the two brothers had the habit of dressing alike.

It’s then you spot a familiar brown flannel sat at the bar, head hung low, shoulders shaking in inaudible laughter.

Will.

Across him, you spot Benny in the process of lifting his drink to his lips when he pauses, face splitting into a wide grin as he catches your eye. He gives a small wave, causing Will to turn around and look at you.

Worming your way through a sea of bodies occupying what seems to be every available square inch of space, you make your way to the bar, hand coming up against Will’s back.

“Hey Peach,” the older Miller says, smiling softly as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, pressing you into his side in leu of a hug. “Good to see you.”

“Hey,” you smile, leaning into his touch. “Sorry I’m late.” I didn’t want to leave the house.  “I had to run errands.” I sat on the couch paralysed as the sun went down. “Took a little longer than expected.” It took me three hours before I could get up.

“No worries,” Will replies easily, keeping his arm snuggly around your shoulders. “Glad you made it down.”

You keep the smile on your face, praying to God that it masks well enough, that it balances out the dark circles you can’t hide, no matter how much makeup you put on.

Benny reaches out, hand warm on your upper arm, squeezing just below where Will’s hand rests before he wipes it on his leg, shifting in his seat.

“So,” you say, looking at Benny as he reaches for his glass. “Where’s that shot at, Miller?”

He snorts into his glass, choking mid-sip in the process. Will takes the glass from his hand, a warm laugh rumbling through his chest as his brother coughs loudly. You bite your lip to stop from laughing yourself, watching as Benny rakes a hand through his hair, chest heaving a little as he catches his breath.

“Funny,” he coughs lightly.

“It is,” you grin. “Big ‘ole army man, able survive in hostile situations, felled by a local beer. But really, everything but the sink? What’s next? Am I going to find a bottle of Smirnoff Ice you’ve hidden in the depths of my pantry?”

He scowls at you, no real hostility in the expression. Instead, he reaches to his side, a mason jar you hadn’t noticed before parked next to his beer. “Got you their iced tea, smartass.”

Your hearts swells a little in your chest as the glass slides across the wood, leaving behind a trail of condensation. Though the bar is mostly known for their wide selection of local and artisanal beers, it’s the home made iced tea that has your heart.

“Thank you,” you say quietly, your throat feeling as if its being squeezed shut at the small gesture. You scrape it lightly, hands wrapping around the glass as Will hands it over to you, his arm sliding down, now resting around your waist.

“Haven’t see you around in a while,” he remarks, sipping from his scotch. “How’s life?”

You huff out a small laugh, feet shuffling on the wooden floorboards. A question that’s meant well, that comes from a place of genuine interest, but one that gets harder and harder to genuinely answer lately.

A voice in the back of your head telling you that you’re being a baby, that it really isn’t as bad as it feels, that you’re fine and should just tell people so. That you’re faking everything for attention, even though you know damn well a mask slips into place as soon as you leave the house, shutting the door on your reality so no one actually sees the mess hiding inside.

You take a deep breath, hiding the shaky rattle in your chest, the tremble of your hands as you take a sip of your drink before answering.

“The usual,” you shrug. “Nothing exciting.”

“You’re a shit liar,” Benny remarks, words heavy in the air as his eyes are locked on your face. “Don’t give us that shit, Peach, c’mon.”

“Ben,” Will warns lowly, fingers digging into your side as he does. “Don���t.”

“No, I think I will. Look at her, Will,” he gestures at you, eyebrows knitted into a heavy frown. “She’s been bullshitting being fine for fucking weeks, man. I’m done letting her. She’s not fine. You’re not doing fine,” he says, the last word as sharp as a razorblade.

It’s like you’re bolted into place, cemented into the floor as Benny’s blue eyes are on you, gaze unyielding, biting into the conversation with no intention of letting it go.

You don’t reply, instead focussing on the glass in your hands, the ice cubes softly clinking against the sides as you swirl the liquid around.

“Peach.”

The nickname comes out tightly. A request. To look up, to acknowledge that he’s right.

To let him in.

Reality is seeping through the cracks of the door you painted shut in an attempt to have it blend in with the walls you’ve put up, and Benjamin Miller is banging down the door with zero mercy.

You can’t let him in. You can’t let him see the mess that is your life. You should’ve stayed home.

Will’s hand is still on your waist, warm even through the fabric of your sweater, as you down your drink in one go, placing the glass back on the bar before squeezing his thigh just above his knee, hiding the scowl as result of the immediate brain freeze that follows.

“I shouldn’t have come,” you tell them honestly, not making eye contact with Benny, whose jaw you can see tighten even without looking directly at his face. “I… Yeah. No. Happy Christmas, guys.”

You don’t wait for a reply, instead placing ten dollars on the bar and turning around, squeezing past bodies as you make your way through the crowd as quick as possible, earning dirty looks at you carelessly push past them, ones that quickly soften when they catch the look on your face.

Once outside, the cold winter air bites into your face, your breath tight and stuck somewhere high in your chest. You open and close your fists, tipping your head towards the sky and rolling your shoulders in an attempt to get the feeling to leave, to force back the inevitable hour long cry lurking a mere blink away until you’ve made it home.

“Peach!”

Behind you, the door of the bar slams open, the light next to it rattling in protest, gravel crunching as footsteps approach you.

“I’m fine, Ben,” you say, opening your eyes, head still turned skyward. “Go back inside.”

You hear keys clanging as he flips them back and forth between his fingers, something he’s done ever since you first got to know him, the footsteps coming to pause next to you.

“You’re not.”

He doesn’t reach out, doesn’t touch you, instead letting the words float in the air between you.

“You’re not okay, and that’s fine, Peach. It happens. But don’t shut me out.”

A heartless chuckle rumbles through your chest, a voice yelling he’s doesn’t want to know, he’s lying. It’s just common curtesy to ask.  

“Please.”

The word is soft, yet heavy and loaded in the air.

“I know you always joke about it, that I punch my feeling instead of talking about them,” he continues, holding up his hand as you turn your head towards him, opening your mouth to protest his words. “And you’re right. Maybe I do. I think it’s cathartic. Beat them to pulp before they have the chance to get to me.”

You allow your gaze to fall onto his face, meeting an expression you can’t quite place.

“Maybe you can’t let me in,” he says. “And I understand that. But…” he pauses, hesitating as he searches for the right words. “But I’d like for you to let it exist. Stop hiding it.”

“I don’t think I can,” you quietly admit, giving him a small smile.

“So we’ll try.” He shrugs with a half smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’ll end me, Ben,” you whisper, the words heavy and filled with guilt, weighing down on you as you voice something that’s been lurking in the shadows, a truth that you didn’t want to acknowledge.

“It won’t,” he promises. “I promise you, it won’t. But I need you to trust me when I say I think it’s worth trying it my way.”

A silence falls between you, peaceful and quiet, until it’s suddenly cut up when the chorus of Do They Know It’s Christmas booms through the quiet night sky as the entire bar seems to burst into song, causing you to laugh at the contrast.

Next to you, Benny chuckles, eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches you.

“Okay,” you eventually say as the singing behind you quiets back down. “Your way.”  

“Yeah?”

His face breaks into a devastating smile, one that turns your knees to jelly every time it graces his face.

“Yeah,” you breathe, praying to god you don’t come to regret the decision. “Yeah. I’m willing to try it your way.”

[safiredreams]

Hi there! I saw your post on the birthchart and wanted to participate.

My question would be that what do i do to become less lazy and how do i project my best self?

I procrastinate so much, so what steps could I take to improve? Also will i ever experience teenage love?

That's it. Thank you for answering 💗

In my experience doing charts, lazyness can manifest itself when we are not following our life purpose. Veering off the path, following what other people want us to do rather than what feels right to us is when we start procrastinating. So I lik eto look at the Sun and Mars to see what's happening.

Your Sun is in Cancer which likes to nurture, it's sensitive and emotional so it likes to protect itself, home life is important to you. It's in the 6th house which is the house of service and daily routines, work relationships, pets... I think you would benefit if you can build yourself an actual routine that you follow regularly that makes you feel save and nurtured. An example would be drinking green juice in the morning (6th house), it will start your day fulfilling that part of you that craves health and nourishment and sets the days mood and energizes you. A gentle workout like swimming would benefit you too. Journalling to get all your feelings out can also be helpful for this placement. Also, this pairing points to you fulfilling your heart by taking care of others, simple things like baking some cookies for your friends, taking out the trash for your loved one. This will fulfill that part of you that wants to help others. Or volunteering with animals.

The Sun does oppose Jupiter, so sometimes you may get a massive boost in energy because you got excited about something new you want to do, but unless you can actually stick to it and see the whole project through then you will feel drained and bored again. Oppositions need to find a balance.

Your Mars might feel blocked though since it is conjunct with Saturn (blocks, hard lessons...). Mars in Virgo can already at times feel insecure, paired with Saturn it's a double whammy.

You should be really detailed oriented (6th house, Virgo energy + Gemini Mercury) but you can get stuck in those details and derail yourself into abysmal insecurities that others wouldn't even be able to see, so your energy drops and you start procrastinating. Your desire for perfection can be unhealthy and lead you into completely shutting down your creativity and not bothering with doing anything at all, because to you, if it's not perfect then it's useless. Stop thinking this way, perfection isn't real. Work on that.

Let's say you want to write a book, but you never start it because you think it will never be good enough. Start it anyway. That's the way things are created, by messing up, time and time again until finally something is made that helps not only you but perhaps people around you too.

I can't really give you a yes or no answer on your love question. Moon in the 7th house indicates relationships will be very important to you, but Saturn is there too and that sometimes indicates that romantic connections are more likely to flourish when you are more mature. You'll probably fall for people who are quite emotionally dramatic, playful but accomplished in some way.

Hope this helps.

[ellieellieoxenfree]

22, 24, 25

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

canon is not always great at doing this either, but trauma and disability. i look at some of my faves — rita farr, josee, vegas theerapanyakul, ai di, hartley rathaway, teresa mendoza, rita west — and they’re fucking absolute messes, all defined by some brutal shit. their respective canons have handled this with varying degrees of sensitivity (you know exactly who i’m subtweeting) and i don’t participate in all of the fandoms for these pieces of media, but i turn into an absolutely wild beast when people gloss over that because it’s too much of a challenge to include. people who faced years of childhood abuse or who were suddenly confronted with an unexpected, uncontrollable loss of autonomy are going to struggle with those things. one of these characters got shot multiple times in the abdomen, for chrissakes. and people are like ‘idk i guess he can have a marathon fuck sesh it’s cool this won’t interfere with his life in any way’ like YES IT WILL YES IT IS FUCKING PERMANENT, DIANE. there are physical effects and limitations that never go away. there is an ongoing, volatile sense of loss that will body you over and over again for the rest of your life. i love josee for tapping into the anger of disability (you know how i feel about my best girl) but i also love characters whose canons force them to grapple with a reality thrust upon them at a point in their lives when they can draw a clear delineation between Me Before and Me Now, rather than those who have never known the grief of your bodily function being ripped from you unexpectedly. and that isn’t just disability. that’s betrayal and abuse and loss of security and stability and identity. and if you can’t actually deal with the whole of a character’s raw ugly misery and anger on top of the fun fluffy bits to read or write then MAYBE the messes are not your arena.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

ooooh i’m gonna get canceled for this one but i will block people who get into internet slapfights about gender and sexuality. i’m an old shithead so i find the trend of needing to affix 500 microlabels to every character exhausting, especially in canons where none of these people would have the remotest fucking idea what you’re banging on about. and further, i find it extremely off-putting when a male character expresses traits that aren’t in lockstep with stereotypical or toxic masculinity and immediately gets painted as trans. i see one of these essays where you spend 10k assigning things to a character that are really just you projecting your own identity onto your fave and onto the blocklist you go. some of y’all make me miss fucking kinnies.

i also cannot fucking abide ship wars, because i came from a fandom where people got so mad about a pairing taking up too much screen time they engineered a plot to ruin a real person’s career over it (that was wave one of the bullshit, but i digress). i have watched that shit happen for years and years and yeaaaars — usagi/mamoru and seiya/usagi fans used to throw temper tantrums at each other like they were getting paid to, way back in the day — and it has never gotten any less noxious. it has, in fact, just gotten fucking worse with the increasing curdling of twitter and stan culture. it was bad enough when it was just screaming at each other over which boring girl harry potter should bone but now people have let that shit spill into the real world. now it’s just a normal thing to try to affect someone’s careers, or discuss your rpf ships in front of the people involved. FUCKING BOUNDARIES. LEARN THEM. RESPECT THEM. what the fuck is wrong with you people. stop sharing your fics with them or tagging them in your art. and yes, that even goes for bryan fuller. just because he’s a freak who probably beat off to all the hannibal/will art you sent him doesn’t mean you should have sent it in the first place.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

since you’re my BTS buddy…i wish for a meteorite to strike everyone who identifies as an army because if i’m stupid enough to go into the tag, 99% of the posts are ‘hybe/bighit is out to sabotage (fave’s) career’ or ’this is why (ship) is the only truth and everyone else is a dirty sinner going to hell for wrongthink’ and holy shit TAKE A MIKE’S HARD LOOK AT YOURSELVES FOR FIVE MINUTES. if you are so deeply invested in the sex lives of some random korean guys that you are getting legitimately angry at other people on the internet about them not thinking your preferred boy is making the sign of the two-backed aardvark with your other preferred boy, log off. go the fuck outside. i’m not above cracking jokes but some of y’all are rolling out the murderboards and obsessively documenting every single moment their faves happen to be in the same area of the stage to explain why one of them moving their little finger an inch to the right means he’s gonna get his ass eaten after the show.

the career sabotage shit i don’t even know, understand, or care to know. i see it in the tag fucking constantly and it exhausts me. i need to not engage in baseless conspiracy theories. i’m not here for this. just like i’m not here to figure out who in the group is taking a ride on the humpatron 3000, i’m not here to go through a million posts on 50 social media sites every day combing every single word choice for evidence that my faves are one wrong step from being put to death by bighit management. i just want to enjoy myself for five goddamn minutes.

as a very casual new fan, my experience has been 1% gifs of people whose faces and talent i enjoy and 99% screeching harridan drama whose point entirely eludes me. i hate all of these people. i hope they fall into the ocean. maybe the fish will be a more receptive audience than i am.

[lets-try-some-writing]

🐢 anon is back!! ratchet/team or ratchet/cons dynamics?

thank you :]

Great to see you again anon! Ratchet and Con dynamics coming right up! (I also did a little sketch for this, hope you like it!)

Ratchet on the Nemesis

Ratchet hates just about everyone on the nemesis, but he hates some far more than others.

Megatron

Ratchet has and will continue to attempt to kill Megatron at every given opportunity. He can't be obvious about it, and more often than not his attempts just inconvenience the Warlord, but by Primus does Ratchet try.

Oil on the floor outside Megatron's quarters? How unfortunate for him, he should really watch his step. Welds too loose and open to rust infection? Well maybe Megatron just needs to stop being a pansy and grow up a little or get some better medical equipment. Poison in the Warlord's energon? Megatron should get better security, Starscream might be trying something after all.

Everything that Ratchet can get away with he will attempt. Even if it just means taking his sweet time on whatever Megatron is forcing him to do or purposefully botching up a project, Ratchet will do whatever he can to bother Megatron. In fact, he is nearly as bad a Starscream because while he knows his life hangs on a thread, he also knows his knowledge is too valuable to lose. As such he throws his weight around whenever he can.

So far he has caused Megatron the most grief by changing all of his passwords using what he learned from Optimus while he was still a data clerk. Soundwave eventually recovered all of them, but for a while Megatron couldn't access anything, including his books. Ratchet smiled evilly into his energon that day and did nothing to assist in the effort to fix the problem.

He is petty as Pit, and frag it all he is proud of it.

Knockout

Ratchet is neither particularly fond of Knockout or all that angry with him. The Decepticon medic has done nothing that Ratchet feels the need to hang over his helm, at least compared to every other participant in the war. However that does not mean he gives Knockout and easy time.

When possible, Ratchet does petty scrap just to be irritating. Changing the labels on Knockout's paint canisters and hiding his favorite buffer is one of his favorite ways to screw with the Decepticon medic. Other times he will add a little sour mixture into Knockout's energon when he isn't looking just to watch the red mech gag.

Despite being stuck on the nemesis and surrounded by the enemy, Ratchet feels more liberated than ever before. This is mainly because he can mess with everyone around him and get back at others in petty ways without seriously harming anyone he cares about.

But Ratchet doesn't go out of his way to torture Knockout, he can see that the mech is hurting and not all that fond of being a Decepticon. And so every now and then, mainly when he is feeling less grouchy, Ratchet will do nicer things for Knockout. Bringing him fresh rags, cleaning up the medical bay, and leaving a cube of energon on Knockout's workstation are Ratchet's small ways of being nice.

Breakdown

Ratchet isn't all that sure how to treat Breakdown. The mech is far too nice for his own good and reminds Ratchet a lot of Bulkhead. As such the Autobot medic often can't bring himself to go out of his way to be bothersome.

He tends to avoid Breakdown most of the time, but on occasion he will to petty but ultimately harmless things to the mech just because he can. Stuff like putting a sign on his back reading "kick me" or slapping an obnoxious sticker onto Breakdown somewhere he won't immediately notice are Ratchet's go-to methods of spicing up the mech's day. When Breakdown eventually notices what Ratchet has done to him, he usually isn't even upset and finds it funny. He has even kept several of the stickers Ratchet has put on him because he thinks they are neat.

Ratchet is rather unsure how to handle this behavior but has found no real reason to stop being a nuisance and so continues with his behavior unless Breakdown is not in the mood. On days where Breakdown is off, Ratchet notices and does his best to make the mech's day a little bit better. Ratchet may not like Decepticons, but he will not leave a hurting mech to suffer. And so Ratchet will do little things for him, like making energon goodies discreetly and putting colorful stickers over Breakdown's uglier scars to make him happy.

Breakdown appreciates it, but knows Ratchet's disposition well enough to keep his praise to himself.

Starscream

Frag. Starscream. Ratchet hates the flier with a seething passion, almost to the degree which he hates Megatron. His hatred stems partially from Starscream's ridiculous ego and partially from the many crimes he has committed against the Autobots. Ratchet has not yet forgotten the loss of Cliffjumper, nor does he ever intend to.

Ratchet doesn't try to kill the seeker, but he does do everything in his power to make Starscream miserable. He will go out of his way to botch Starscream's paintjob, a task Knockout does not mind assisting in. Ratchet will leave stickers with insults plastered to Starscream's back when he can get away with it. And he also makes it his duty to make the seeker's visits to the medical bay as uncomfortable as possible since can't outright hurt him.

After one visit to the medical bay where Starscream was left covered in blue paint, with his arms in casts, and several painful welds he has since avoided the medical bay like the plague unless he really needs aid. Knockout has been a much happier mech since then, and while still not fond of Knockout, his healthier mental state is something Ratchet takes pride in.

Soundwave

Ratchet plays a dangerous game with the Decepticon spymaster. Both of them a fully aware of what Ratchet is doing around the nemesis, and Ratchet's regular attempts on Megatron's life have not gone unnoticed. This far Soundwave has tolerated Ratchet's actions towards the Decepticons as he has produced valuable research. However the Autobot medic knows that the moment he ceases being useful, the truce between him and Soundwave will end.

Both avoid one another and only ever interact by chance. If given the opportunity though, Ratchet will mess with Soundwave a little bit by putting sticky notes on his security cameras with stupid doodles on them. He may or may not also give Lazerbeak goodies every now and then just to spite Soundwave but if it happens neither acknowledge it.

Shockwave

Pits no. Ratchet stays the frag away from Shockwave as much as he can. Shockwave is a terrifying force and Ratchet doesn't want any part in it.

The few times he has been forced to work with Shockwave have been awful. They both hate each other and can't agree on anything when it comes to science. Not only that, but when he is around the scientist Ratchet can't shake the feeling that Shockwave would prefer to dissect him rather than work with him.

The only thing Ratchet can do to mess with Shockwave is screw around with his animal documentaries and delete them or change to subtitles on them to something outrageous. He might also attempt to move Shockwave's tools and hide them somewhere but usually he refrains as Ratchet is rather fond of living.

[jav-uni]

It’s late and I’m venting, words have power I wish Chris well but I have to call a spade a fucking spade!

Even in real life, It’s amazing how we go hard in the paint for people we care about or think we “love” especially when they do us wrong. I try to be understanding but the reason so many can’t forgive is due to the fact when you forgive and the person screws you over agin……at what point do you consider yourself an idiot.

People do fucked up shit and should have to deal with the consequences, PERIOD!

If Chris was remorseful you’d think he’d do more to show it like end this bs, but it’s like he didn’t give a flying fuck so why should I? I can see how I projected onto his image and it was a blow to the gut when this mess went live because I truly thought he was a decent guy in Hollywood but never playing hollywoods bullshit. But to see he pulled the same 40yr with a 20yr old disgusting crap was like WTF?!

He’ll forever have people defending him and kissing his ass no matter what. I hope he reaps what he sows, I’m tired of people taking advantage of others and not taking any accountability. We have real people getting sent death threats over this bs, people have displayed such evilness. Emotions were real due to this. The world will say the fans are crazy, get over it. But people have been hurt due to this. The rift in this fandom, former online friends now enemies. Yes we have to take accountability for our actions to be here discussing this. People celebrate his losses not to be spiteful but so his ass can feel the disappointment he caused his fans. Maybe he cares and is aware, maybe not. We may be mere strangers to him but our support helped his pockets over the years, that was real, going to see movies because his ass was in it, filled his pockets, paying to see him at cons for years, etc. so for him to not only try to use that fanbase to push bs but not just pr but with a racist childish woman and her friends who’ve tainted his fandom and called him names, who he allowed to troll because like Scott said….”we’re crazy”. Like their asses know nothing about crazy fans compared to Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and others. This fandom is fucking tame compared to most. Chris fandom is like the 1% percentile where his ass should have been grateful to even have a fandom at all let alone one who thought he was decent thus feeling the need to defend him and this bs image.

People have a right to be pissed, he used them.

So many called him out on shit for years but people would be like omg no he’s a good guy. Any time he fucked up he’d just use Dodger to the point it was a running joke in the fandom.

Yeah Chris is human but like the rest of us humans if we do bad shit, we have to deal with the aftermath of our decisions. I try to have compassion too but I expect highly of myself and shame myself when I screw up, unfortunately those who do major screw ups do the opposite and never learn from shit and then claim to be sorry only to do it again.

Chris needs to take a break from Hollywood and get in therapy to gain some self awareness, focus on himself and not wasting time looking at leaves. He needs to learn why he thought this was okay to even participate in.

I’m pissed at those who can do anything, and it’s magically swept under the rug. Half the dumb and serious shit most celebs do would have their asses in jail, unemployed, broke, homeless in the real world. Actions have consequences.

This dude……He really Got his ass on stage and said I’m married. At this point this shit better be real because everything that’s done in the dark eventually gets exposed and man if this leaks that he had a fake pr marriage, I fear it’ll be too much for him to deal with and when I think like that my heart hurts but celebs using fans for gain needs to fucking stop. These celebs want to act like they are so aware, yet end up in stupid ass situations in order to stay relevant and get money. So many of us would have said fuck Hollywood before getting involved in selling bullshit. I don’t do fake shit, it’s never worth it nor does it ever end well. Had he lost everything, he’d still be fine I’m sure. He could have taken a break and recharged. Look if I’m wrong and it comes to light there’s more to this then we all assume and his hands were indeed tied, then I’ll throw some grace, but I doubt anyone had power over him like that.

See it shows true character of how you choose to navigate Hollywood or when you walk away from the industry and refuse to be a pawn of their bullshit. I’m sure Brenden Fraser was terrified in his situation but he stood up spoke his truth and was blackballed. Can you imagine where his career might’ve been. Fortunately, Decades later he’s back, wins his Oscar and STILL refuses to support the association tied to those who hurt him. That’s TRUE COURAGE!!!!

Chris Evans is a poser, talked a big game for years, even caught an attitude with that white boots reporter over the word “brand” and then two years later fucked his up. 🙄 The fucking audacity!

.

[myddrinmob]

Coenen Onnen

It’s long past dusk, but the market never truly stops. Only changes faces - vendors, stalls, patrons - like a mummer in a masked show. The stranger who stalks through its crowded thoroughfare is entirely unfamiliar with its many guises: so, though he strides like a predator, he looks over his shoulder like prey. In the hidden nook to which he is heading - though, pertinently, cannot yet see - wait two figures. One is the owner, short and middling in age, surrounded by the accoutrements of high war. We might assume he is a master armourer and weaponsmith. The other is in shadow.

Chapter two! This episode probably gets the top spot for 'least changed from canon'. The original episode is just so good: the beginning of a rapport between Merlin and Arthur, growing to trust; first showing of the worth of commoners vs nobility in Camelot; Gwen! Gwen! Gwen!

So what changes are there? Well, for starters.

Why does Arthur have literally no other servants?

ARTHUR My chambers are a complete mess. My clothes need washing. My, uh, armour needs repairing. My boots need cleaning. My dogs need exercising. My fireplace needs sweeping. My bed needs changing. And someone needs to muck out my stables…

Like, arguably none of this should be Merlin's job. The world of BBC Merlin exists in a quasi-historical fantasy medieval setting, sure, so we have wriggle room, but even in the earliest and lowliest of post-antiquity royal households, most of these are done by different people. Merlin, as a personal manservant, might organise them, and get different servants to do them, but he largely won't be doing them himself.

A castle would have a laundry, where they'd probably also do repairs, and may have the bootboys too. They'd have a dedicated stable staff, farriers and stablehands and horse breeders and so on - depending on the household, they'd have a Marshal or it's equivalent to oversee all that. The knights would have pages and squires and drill masters and armoursmiths - who would probably be different from the weaponsmiths, and definately different from smiths that make general goods, like nails. You'd have kennel masters for the dogs and chambermaids to do the cleaning and -

You get the gist.

I get why all this wasn't shown - budget, rotating cast of extras, it's just easier to have Merlin involved in literally every aspect of Arthur's life - but! I think it also kneecaps Merlin's character.

This is the tip of the iceburg of my ongoing quibble with the series regarding Merlin the perpetual servant. I'll get into it more in future episodes, but essentially I think the maintenance of the shows initial premise - high school au Arthuriana, Merlin-as-servant - reduced the potential character growth we could have seen, and a real fulfilment of the idea of Arthur and Merlin as equals (two sides of the same coin, anyone?).

It's also really funny to imagine Arthur driving away everyone who might be in his service, to the point he doesn't even have a squire. Like damn, how bad an employer are you?

The only other thing that got changed was the weird...thing... between Arthur and Morgana. Whatever that was, it died a death midway through season one and was never addressed again. I'm not against weird incest vibes in my Arthurian media - it'd be terribly genre-blind of me to be so - but it's not what I'm going for here. Or at least, Arthur and Morgana themselves don't see each other that way - they have lived too long as childhood peers to do so - and if it ever comes up, it'll be in the way that Gwen mentions it. People on the outside of the relationship assume that Uther means to betroth them at some point, to the pairs unbridled objection. Everyone else unknowingly condones incest, but not the actual participants.

That's it for ep two - ep three is already up as well, so I'll do a bts on that sometime soon.

In other news, our priestess is back >.>

[tomoyajpeg]

White Brim | BATTLEROYAL/8

Hiyori: Really, though, I’m exhausted. I want to take a quick break somewhere that I can calm down.

But until “clamming” ends, there’s nowhere that we “fish” can rest, is there?

Tori: I’ll massage your shoulders for you, Hiyori-sama! As thanks for saving me!

Hiyori: I’m not an old man, you know?

But, well, it doesn’t feel half-bad to be shown thanks.

Tori: Right~? Hey, Anzu, you got saved too, so you have to thank him! You know, in fairy tales and stuff, the prince who rescues people always gets a kiss—

...No, no kissing. Not even for Hiyori-sama.

Hiyori: Fufu. Gratitude isn’t something you should force, now is it?

Tori: T-that’s true... Wait, I know it’s a little late to ask now, but why do you have a gun, Hiyori-sama? We’re “fish,” so is it okay for us to be armed?

Hiyori: Well, it’s not like it was ever explicitly forbidden, right? I’ve been running around here and there this whole time—

And after a little while, I saw someone who works for us, so I called out to them. After a little negotiation, they handed over their weapons.

That whole “your status doesn’t matter during ‘clamming’” thing is just a pretense, anyway. We’re all very much humans, so it’s not like we can actually throw our titles away that easily.

Determining that if they disobeyed me now, they’d really be in for it later, our servant happily handed over their weapons. Running into one of my people was really a stroke of good luck.

Tori: That... that’s true, huh. Life goes on even after the game is over.

If you mess up and make your master upset, after that you could have to deal with a lot of difficult stuff, like a pay cut or something.

Hiyori: Yep. Maybe if we were younger, we could forget about the obligations of the world of the living and devote ourselves to playing around.

Hiyori:Growing up is such a lonely thing, isn’t it?

Tori: ...Hmph. If our Yuzuru was taking part in “clamming,” he’d definitely be on my side, no matter what.

I wonder where he is and what he’s up to. I want to go find him and drag him over to our side~ He’s been through some sort of weird training, so if you have him as your ally, you’ve got the strength of 100 people.

Hiyori: Ahh, Yuzuru-kun’s not supposed to participate in “clamming.”

This is just what I’ve heard from my older brother, who’s taken part in “clamming” before, but apparently that kid was banned from “clamming” a few years ago because he went on some sort of rampage.

Tori: “Banned,” huh... what did that servant of ours do, exactly?

Hiyori: I heard that he totally ignored the obligations of the world of the living and pulverized everything that crossed his path. He was doing one hell of a job following the rules of “clamming” to the letter.

Recently, you Himemiyas have been acknowledged as deserving of respect - or, rather, people have stopped looking down on you for being “nothing but nouveau riche.”

There’s a rumor going around that it’s all because of Yuzuru-kun’s active participation in “clamming.”

“The Himemiya house isn’t just all-talk-and-no-action new money. They’re terrifying if you make an enemy of them,” they say.

Tori: H~m... Maybe that’s why Yuzuru went to some facility somewhere for physical training (?) a long time ago.

Is “clamming” more of a major event in the business world than I thought it was?

Hiyori: Yeeaah, it really shouldn’t be. It’s just a game.

But. As you’re well aware of, displays of manners and dancing skills during social gatherings are essential evaluation criteria for us aristocrats.

If you can show off your merit at a social event like tonight, where everyone’s gathered, it’ll affect your connections and the value of your household in the future.

Forgetting about the real world and playing around idly is just lip service. Even in the midst of our foolish games, we can’t forget about our ties to the world of the living.

That stuff is a real pain, though. In place of my older brother, who has to properly manage our business, it’s the duty of the prodigal second son - me - to make an impression and show his worth.

Tori: ..........

Hiyori: Well, we ended up talking about something pointless, huh? If we dawdle around here for too long, Tsukasa-kun might return with reinforcements, so let’s get moving.

I’ve found some places that are great for running and hiding, so I’ll guide you there first.

If we can hold out until the time limit runs out, it’s our win. To be precise, it won’t be a win but a draw, but that’s a hundred times better than losing.

Tori: Y-yeah. Sorry for causing so much trouble, Hiyori-sama.

Hiyori: It wasn’t any trouble at all! We’re in the same boat right now, so we have to support each other. ♪

Tori: (Hiyori-sama’s amazing, just like I thought.)

(Honestly, when I was younger, I used to look down on Hiyori-sama a little bit.)

(I believed all the gossip of the adults around me, and thought “the Tomoe family’s second son is a bad boy who just fools around all day - he’s useless.”)

(For the Tenshouin conglomerate, who the Himemiya clan has always cozied up to, the Tomoe conglomerate is something like a business rival. The enemy of your friend is your enemy too, and all.)[1]

(But. Deciding that someone is worse than you, or inferior to you, just because you’re enemies... that’s just prejudice.)

Hiyori: ? What’s wrong, Tori-kun? Are you tired out from doing stuff you’re not used to? Aaaalright, “Hiyori-onii-sama” will pick you up and carry you! ♪

Tori: Th-that’s okay! There's no need to trouble yourself on my account...!

Hiyori: Ahaha, do you hate being treated like a child?

Tori: N-not really. Weirdly enough, if it’s Hiyori-sama I don’t mind that much. If anything, it feels like I have a real big brother, so I’m happy.

Tori: (...Then, why do I hate being treated like a child by Eichi-sama?)

Literally “the enemy of the parent is the enemy of the child.”

[demonhanabi]

The Accidental Polarization - Detached

Originally posted to AO3 - January 2024

Sheldon considered himself a rather patient individual. After all, he had not proceeded with his scorched earth plan on his ‘friends’ -the word feels wrong- after the mess in the Arctic, as was his initial plan. Rather he took care to listen to his mother and decided to forgive them, to put his other cheek.

To forgo his Nobel dreams in the name of friendship.

His mother was rather proud of his decision but Sheldon felt that he lost something important. He no longer found the same joy in the things and activities he had ingrained into his routine for years. For the first time in his life, Sheldon Cooper PhD was lost.

Of course he still went through the motions, laundry night, Halo, Thai food, orange chicken (that should be tangerine chicken), and Penny. She’s the only one that can still be considered a friend.

And yet, despite ‘things being the same’ this feeling of emptiness never goes away.

Once Amy Farrah Fowler joins the group he starts getting anxious. These people, his supposed friends want him to stop being himself, they want to change him, to make him ‘Human’. Sheldon scoffs at that, Howard, Raj and Leonard confound emotions with wanton abandon of their baser desires.

Amy Farrah Fowler wants him to abandon even more things, his interests and hobbies, obstacles for her to remove…it was Ramona all over again. Except this time, Amy had the group’s backing and support.

Sheldon was feeling trapped.

And now, those same people have dragged him from his safe place, his home, his spot, with lies and deception about a Train exposition in Vegas. He should have known that there was no real possibility that they would present the East Indian Railway No. 22 in this supposed Exposition.

To add insult to injury, it was revealed to him that the purpose for this trip was in reality to witness the culmination of the train wreck that is Penny and Leonard’s relationship in a cheap Vegas chapel.

Utterly humiliating.

He demanded that Leonard stop the car and let him out. He would rather walk in the Nevada desert than participate in this sham of a wedding. This was the last straw. He couldn’t be around these people, already making plans, contracts and letters in his head, Sheldon walked into the desert and was followed closely by an anxious Penny, an exasperated Leonard and an angry Amy.

"Moonpie, please, let’s go back to the car." Penny’s voice was pleading. Sheldon usually found Penny’s voice to be attractive and soothing, the tone would set him at ease, but on this occasion he didn’t want to hear her. He had trusted her.

Walking faster up a dune his longer gait gave him an advantage over her.

Why couldn’t Penny understand that this wasn’t okay? It was beneath her, it was beneath him. "Don’t call me Moonpie!" The anger in his voice sounded more George than Mary and that only made him angrier. He was starting to feel light headed.

Finally reaching the top of the dune he needed to vent, turning and looking down showed that only Penny was there, the rest were rather behind and walking at a regular pace, Penny was the only one truly making the effort to reach him, and thus would be the recipient of his anger.

"Penny! Please stop, I expect nothing from the rest. But you? You were supposed to be my friend. I have made no secret of my feelings about you and Leonard’s relationship and now you want to make me complicit in it? In a cheap chapel that smells of vomit, smoke and alcohol no less. You deserve more, you deserve better." He’s panting now, due to the physical effort and the emotional outburst. Sand has infiltrated his shoes and it’s both annoying and painful, he understands why Anakin hates it.

"Sheldon, I…" Penny raises her hands up in defeat "What do you want me to do? I lo-love Leonard and want to marry him." She once again pleads, "Please come down and let’s go to the car."

"Like hell. I will no-" Sheldon takes a step back in the middle of his sentence, he can feel the sand shift under him, suddenly a familiar feeling of being weightless and his stomach dropping assaults him, he closes his eyes and waits for the impact, bracing for the pain.

It never comes.

Go read the rest at AO3:

[unethicalexperiments]

SOOOOO this post has been in my drafts since i watched it, so i think dec 18-19-ish? and has been (mostly) unedited since so these are still my immediate reactions.

okkkkk actual archer post now. spoilers for the entire show and into the cold under the cut

i think the ending was like. i don’t wanna say “cop out” but, kind of out of left field? it felt very disconnected from the seasons leading up to it but i honestly can’t say i’m mad about it because i don’t think the post coma seasons were very good comparatively speaking to seasons 1-5. yes i know adam reed stopped writing for the show during/after season 10. i know he got tired of the setup after season 4 and that’s why we got that mess that was seasons 5-10 which was VERY up and down in terms of writing. i do, overall, like the ending and i don't think they really could have gone in another direction.

the agency was always going to have to be shut down. we’ve known since season 2 there were issues with keeping ISIS afloat, so i don’t think people really should have been surprised by that. i do appreciate that lana got the top job in the end, i don’t think archer himself would have enjoyed that job. her whole post-coma storyline with the other man i never really cared for, like yeah it does make sense for her to move on, especially with her young daughter, but robert was absolutely not the type of man lana would have been with and i thought that was bad writing. creating conflict and a solution (him being a billionaire) for the sake of creating conflict and a solution. i’m glad that ended when it did but it shouldn’t have been there in the first place imo lmao. i also want to say that while i’m not against the idea of lana and archer having a baby, i think they were destined to have some permanent tie in some way, but the way the show went about it was god awful. lana taking archer’s sperm from a bank gave fans another reason to hate the one black woman in the show, and then to give aj little to no screen time or story line after made it all feel like it was all just there to make people hate lana more. but also, what the fuck are you gonna do with a baby in a show about spies? it should have been saved for the end of the show and again i feel like this was adam reed just trying to get out of writing spy stuff (which he said regularly in interviews he grew tired of it, which, fair, but come on).

throughout the entire show pam’s character has changed so fucking much but she remained relatively consistent with regards to who she is as a person throughout. from very early on (at least season 2 if not 1) we’re shown how physically strong she is and how she actually makes a good agent. there were weird things thrown in about her personal life that i found very inconsistent with regards to her romantic/sexual relationships though. our first look into pam’s sex life is… very uncomfortable to say the least. she’s written as a sexual predator and commits assault on screen at least once in the early seasons for a “haha sexual assault is funny” moment that is never brought up again. on top of that, we’re also introduced to her being “undesirable” sexually which very quickly changes to “she fucks and she fucks WELL”. we’ve also known from the start she’s bisexual as she comes onto lana like episode 3, but then there’s a random moment in season 11 or 12 or whatever of her asking a random one off character to “be her polyamorous primary” and then this is never seen or talked about again and it feels like diversity for the sake of “oh look at us we have diversity” which i fucking hate. she’s a woman who fucks well and often and forced moments like that feel forced. sorry.

i do not actively participate in archer “fandom” bc let’s be real there isn’t really one lol HOWEVER the way other fans talk about cyril is fucking bizarre to me. ppl on here act like hes "uwu innocent cinnamon roll baby" when he's just as complicit as everyone else. we know he’s not a very good person from the start and that has been consistent throughout the show. i really don’t have much to say about him here he’s always been a pathetic character (and that voice actor whose name i can never remember is very good at those types, i really like him in what i've seen) and the kinda guy who is always going “but what about meeeee?!” and i think his personality brought a nice balance to the gigantic egos he shared the room with, as he still has a giant ego but he can’t really voice it, and he turns kind of incel-y because of it. i really enjoyed that about him, he was shitty in a different way, y'know? i will say the finale was kind of weird with him, i keep going back and forth on whether or not i like him not really getting a clear ending.

now to talk about cheryl. this has to be one of the most bizarre character story arcs of all time. she goes from a timid secretary who wants to fuck archer to a billionaire with (and i hate this word but i cannot think of a better one atm) psychopathic behavior causing destruction for the sake of causing destruction. she has this really interesting and crazy backstory that we first hear about in season 2 that develops over time, but starting like, season 5/6ish, it’s a slow flanderization of her character from a kind of hidden evil who is smarter than she lets on to a total idiot who likes to set things on fire. and oh! look at that she hears voices sometimes too! haha isn't psychosis funny! aren't people with psychosis terrible and evil? isn't that funny? anyway. this gets SIGNIFICANTLY worse post coma (same with krieger, i’ll get to that later) to basically someone who shouldn’t be outside of a hospital. it was really disappointing and even in the finale a few characters outright say “has she gotten worse?” pointing out in universe the flanderization (or possibly intentional writing?) which just feels shitty. also, her being a country music star for one season and then outright forgetting about it the next (explicitly said in the show she has no memory of it!) is just bad writing.

as for krieger, i feel very much the same way as i do about cheryl. he started off as a weird, kinda background character who turns out to be this mad scientist with ties to malory since childhood. some of his inventions are successful, some aren’t, but he did actually do stuff. as the show went on (post season 4) you also start to notice the degradation of his character like with cheryl, turning him into a bumbling idiot. he got a moment of his old self in the finale which was nice, and the little nod to him and cheryl possibly working together after was fun, but it’s no where near enough to make up for the way they both were treated for the past like 10 years in the show.

as for the man himself, i think he remained the most consistent throughout the show. we see character development, but not a lot, and i think that felt realistic. he’s still an asshole, he’s still a bad person, but he’s not as bad of a person anymore. i think he truly did remain the same character from the pilot to the finale. there were some moments in seasons 12-14 where i felt like he was getting more.. childish? almost? but the finale was him through and through. he always loved lana, he always loved katya, he always loved his daughter. i don’t think lana/archer could ever really be a viable endgame. we’ve seen them try, but they really shine as people, as parents, and as professionals when they have that cat-mouse dynamic and i think it was a good mirror to malory and nikolai from seasons 1/2. another thing, i know he said he didn’t care who his father was, but FUCK i wanted to know! i’m choosing to believe it was nikolai because adam reed had said that at one point that was the plan.

i also just realized i forgot to talk about zara completely. zara felt like, in ds9 when jadzia was killed because her actress had enough of rick berman, but they had one more season to do so they tossed ezri in there for the sake of having someone fill the spot. since malory was gone, lana took her spot, and zara was created to fit lana’s spot. i feel the same way about her as i do ezri dax, which is i really don’t care. sorry LMFAO. i understand why she was there but she didn’t add anything to the show to me.

now the finale itself. the whole “one last mission” thing was nice, it wasn’t mind blowing or anything but it was fine. i will say, i never felt like slater was archer’s real rival, i always felt like (pre coma seasons at least) it was barry. i think the ending of archer vs. barry would have been better but that’s just me. i think they fucked up a little going the route of making them friends in the end. and the whole both katya and barry being in the same cyborg body for some reason felt very weird and last minute, katya and barry didn’t end their relationship on good terms lol. AND THEN. archer having sex with the barry-katya hybrid caught me SO off guard. don’t get me wrong! i’m glad they put that in there but it was very 👁️👄👁️. unexpected to say the least lmfao was nice to confirm his bisexuality though? i guess?

while the finale covered a lot of recurring and repeat characters and storylines, i feel like there were some BIG ones that were left out. like, what the fuck ever happened with veronica dean?? the woman who shot archer, the reason he was in a coma for 3 years?? they mentioned her ONCE in season 11 in an off handed comment that “they were still looking for her”. ok so did they find her?? maybe it’s because i didn’t think the recent seasons were that great, but i thought the finale being centered around a fabian (was that his name? i genuinely don’t remember i’m not watching or reading wikipedia or anything while writing) storyline felt kinda lame too. whenever malory had something going on with a rival agency it felt fun but the whole IIA thing was incredibly boring to me. unfortunately no one could ever compare to malory's character in her terrible diva ways that i could never get enough of. and of course no one could do it besides jessica walter.

another thing is a nod to other early season stuff would have been nice. save for barry and katya, it was all post season 5. like woodhouse. or even a one off line about popeye. what about len trexler. rona thorne? was she ever mentioned again? they were relevant in the early seasons! idk. though i do wonder if we're better off without it, maybe the new writers would have fucked it up too much. the new writers probably don't even know who those characters were fghjfkdsgf. in short i feel like the ending forgot a lot about the beginning, and i think most fans would have enjoyed being reminded of the beginning.

anywayyyyyy this was long and ramble-y and probably incoherent but there we have it. after 14 years there goes my favorite stupid little show of all time. seasons 1-4 i can rewatch infinite times (and i'm not kidding when i say i've watched each episode no less than 30 times either actually fully paying attention or as background noise and somewhat paying attention) and will never get tired of. i enjoy season 5 and some of season 6. from there its a very mixed bag and i find it a little disappointing that a show that started off that strong went out kinda weak. i think i personally would have preferred the show ended after season 5 but i know that is not my choice to make. i don't even think they're (the later seasons) that bad, but they could have been so much better. in terms of adult animation this is still the one. and i don't even think i ever said anything about how much i always loved the art style. in the end, it will continue to hold a special place in my heart and be a shitty comfort show and i'm ok with that <3