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sorrowsofsilence · 25 days

Text

Burning Out • XI

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loudThat we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 5.1k

General Fanfic Warnings: 18+, explicit language, smut, alcohol, drugs, violence, mentions murder/suicide, panic attacks/anxiety, nightmares

Authors note: Chapter eleven - The Drain (EDITED: 09-03-24, not new new to the story!)

new? read from chapter one here

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY, IN REAL LIFE! IT IS SIMPLY FICTION, AND JUST FOR FUN! THINK OF THEM AS ACTORS LOL.

The three of us sat in silence, the trees above the courtyard singing with the autumn air. I spoke to them for a few more minutes. I tried to make it quick, knowing that if I stayed longer I wouldn't be able to leave.

“I hope you get to meet her someday,” I murmured as I stood, dusting off my pants.

“I’d like to hear about this girl.”

My stomach dropped as I whipped around in alarm, my heart thumping rapidly once I met his silver completion.

+++++

U̧̢̼̹͓͇̮͈͕̰͑͗ͭ̂̐̓̾̇̑̀̑̌̅̈͟͢͞Ń̷̙͎͍̘͈̰̫̫̭̼͇̻̱͈̝̇͐̌ͧͥ̅͑̏̈̐̉ͫ͝͡͠K̷̴̷̸͇̤̝̥͓̤̖̣̇̏ͭ̇̇̍ͨ͞_̸̸̨̡͎̭̄NͨO̅͆WͨŅ̷̢̮̣̰͚̝̮ͫ̑̾ͤ͌̉̀ͧͪͅͅ

Soon, I’ll kill my final piece of evidence… and soon, I’ll have control of Fidelio.

+++++

RUFFILO

With my phone in hand, I paced back and forth across the room. Jolly and Folio’s eyes tracked my every movement, while Juice mewed from Folio’s lap. Despite their attempts to comfort me, not even a cute cat could cheer me up right now. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

I ran my thumb across the glass to refresh the app once more. No new messages. Clicking the call button for the hundredth time I almost screamed once it rang until voicemail again.

“Noah’s been gone for hours.” I swallowed harshly, “and there’s still no trace of Y/N.”

“Nicky-” Jolly began, standing up from the couch to place a soothing hand on my shoulder, stopping my pacing briefly, “I’m sure Noah’s fine- he’s probably freaking the fuck out looking for Y/N. Maybe even went to the cafe and Sammy’s to fill her bosses in…”

My stomach sunk at his words, and my mind began to race. Something didn’t feel right. I knew Noah, and something felt wrong. He told me he was going to go to the cemetery to clear his mind- and I don’t think he wouldn’t go find Y/N by himself, not after everything that happened. He knew we were stronger in a group.

I shook my head, refreshing my phone for the hundredth time before moaning in frustration, “No. I think he’s in trouble.”

“He’s probably still at the cemetery,” Nick reassured me, standing up with Juice in his arms.

“Can we go look?” I asked, eying both of them as I pressed call, ringing Noah again. No answer.

“He took Y/N’s car so we’d have to walk…” Jolly groaned.

Nick snorted, “Walking is for plebs. Let’s just Uber.”

“Really?” I sighed, giving my brothers a look of relief that they’d come with me.

Jolly laughed, patting my back as we grabbed our shoes, “If it eases your mind seeing him talking to some headstones, then let’s go.”

I threw him a look, glaring, “You know it’s not just any headstone.”

“I know, Nicholas. I know.” Jolly reassured me and I nodded curtly.

After half an hour, we reached the cemetery and I noticed that Y/N's car was still parked in the lot. My mind filled with a glimmer of hope as we walked down the unkempt path. However, the atmosphere was stagnant and my throat tightened with anxiousness. As we approached Noah's parents' plot, my hope faded away as there was no sign of him anywhere.

“I don’t see him,” I mumbled, walking with haste down the path.

The graves were now in sight and I sucked in a breath, shaking my head. Even though the car was still there, something was wrong.

There was a fresh set of white flowers scattered across the front of the graves, the vase that normally sat between the stones lying on the drying grass.

“He could have just left,” Nick chimed in, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Without the car?” I shrugged him off, pointing at the flowers, “He wouldn’t have laid them out like that. Why is the vase knocked onto the ground?”

Squinting my eyes at something that lay a few feet away from the stone, I felt my chest warm, and my head began to shake. My limbs halted and I watched Jolly brush past me, his head tilting as he bent down, picking up the black object.

“Is this-” He began, flipping it in his hand, inspecting the singular sneaker.

“Noah’s,” I said, my stomach dropping.

Folio shrugged, “It could be anyone’s.”

I reached for the shoe, pointing to the hole that was beginning to form on the toe, “No this is one hundred percent Noah’s- the hole forming? He’s had this pair of vans for over a year. Plus, they’re a size twelve.” I peeled back the tongue, analyzing the faded tag.

“How would he lose a shoe here?” Folio asked.

“He wouldn’t,” Jolly said, looking around the cemetery, his body turning quickly as he scoped out the trees, “He would have taken it off on purpose.”

I turned around, my mind beginning to spiral. First Y/N, now Noah.

He had to have been taken.

“Do you think he’s leaving a clue?” I whispered, staring at my brothers before glancing at the grass, my feet carrying me further into the cemetery.

“Those twins must’ve taken him,” Folio spit angrily, his fists clenching.

I watched Jolly as he leaned around the headstones, his fingers tracing the rock for any signs Noah may have left, before picking up one of the flowers. He twirled it between the pad of his thumb and index finger, staring at the dishevelled petals.

“There aren’t enough flowers here to be a full bouquet, and some of the petals are ripped…” Jolly’s eyes locked with mine briefly before I scanned the ground and trees, landing on a speck of white in the distance.

I pointed as my feet carried me towards the spec, “There.”

A few petals were dispersed down the path, and as I peered ahead, another sprinkle of white caught my gaze.

“I think he’s left a trail,” I said, my breathing becoming erratic as my eyes widened, fear sinking in.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Nick jogged up to me, pushing my shoulder to send me forward.

The three of us ventured deeper into the graveyard, passing various weathered tombstones, and surveying the ground every few feet for new petals. The further we walked, the more sparse the trail became. Eventually, it stopped altogether.

“Should we keep going?” Jolly asked, pointing to the gate that was open at the back of the cemetery.

Shrugging my shoulders, I kept walking, “We might as well.”

As we approached the gate, I felt a chill run down my spine. The rusted iron creaked ominously in the wind, and beyond it lay a dense thicket of trees. The forest looked dark and uninviting, but I knew we had to press on.

"I don't like this," Folio muttered, his eyes darting nervously from side to side.

"Me neither," I admitted, "but we have to find Noah."

We stepped through the gate, the gravel crunching beneath our feet. The trees loomed over us, their branches reaching out like gnarled fingers. I strained my eyes, searching for any sign of white petals or a clue from Noah.

Suddenly, Jolly grabbed my arm. "Look!" he hissed, pointing to a nearby tree.

There, caught on a low-hanging branch, was a scrap of fabric.

+++++

Y/N

The lights in the room flickered, casting a yellow hue that created eerie shadows against the walls and made my head spin. The air was heavy and damp, permeated by a sense of despair that seemed to cling to every surface.

I coughed, my eyes burning from tears as I lay on the bed in the motel room. My limbs were bound tightly, and I struggled against the ropes for what felt like the hundredth time. Each tug only caused the rope to dig deeper into the wound it had created.

It had only been two days since I arrived here, but it felt like an eternity. Two days of pure agony and torture.

The door of the motel room clicked open, and I reflexively tensed up. But my fear quickly faded when I saw that it was Kiean. He came in holding a bag of fast food, and the delicious smell immediately made my stomach grumble. I tried to hide my hunger by swallowing hard and pushing away the urge to eat. But my stomach betrayed me with loud noises as Kiean locked the door and glanced at me with concern. "Are you going to finally give in and have something to eat?" he asked, tossing the key onto the rickety table by the wall. I avoided eye contact, keeping my mouth shut and refusing to engage in conversation.

The blonde walked over to me, the ice in the soft drink chittering against the paper cup as he placed it on the nightstand. He then opened the brown paper bag, pulling out some fries and some chicken strips.

Kiean's attempt at a smile was met with me turning my head away. He let out another sigh and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. I struggled against the rope holding me still, trying to distance myself from him, but my leg remained pressed against his back. The contact only fueled my anger.

"I even made sure to get your favourite sauce."

Old friends, same disease I'm killing myself again Old friends, same to me I can't get away from it

With a stern look, I directed my gaze towards him as my stomach grumbled once more. The tantalizing aroma of greasy food wafted in the air, making me feel even more sick with hunger. My throat was parched from lack of water. Kiean's eyes followed me with worry as he removed the wrapper from the straw and dipped it into the beverage before holding it up to my lips.

"Please drink, Y/N," he urged me.

The paper brushed against my lips and I squeezed them together, closing my eyes in resentment. He held the cup for almost a minute before I broke, taking the straw into my mouth and sucking up the liquid. I downed the entire thing, gasping for air once I stopped.

“Thank you,” Kiean murmured, opening the box of chicken strips and sauce. I tugged at the rope again before wincing as it dug into the laceration that formed.

Kiean’s brows furrowed as he stared at my wrist, before holding the strip to my mouth for me. No longer able to resist I took a bite and almost moaned at the flavour, swallowing greedily.

“Stop tugging on the rope,” He almost pleaded, “I’m sorry it’s hurting you. Kade would kill me if I took them off.”

Old friends are just a memory That I didn't need

His green eyes bore into me with unease, “You know how he is.” Yeah, I do.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence for a while as he fed me. I was grateful for the food nonetheless, despite them kidnapping me and tying me to a bed frame. I don’t think I could have made it much longer without eating.

One question frequented my mind, and as much as I didn’t want to talk, I knew that deep down I was safer with Kiean than his brother; and I was afraid that at any moment, he would step through the door.

“Where is Kade?”

Kiean’s head snapped toward me in shock, surprised that I finally spoke.

“Oh- he’s out right now,” Kiean shrugged, turning his gaze to the floor, “I think he’s looking for your boyfriend.”

My heart clenched in worry, mind wandering to Noah and the boys. Were they okay after the crash? Were they hurt?

Were they looking for me?

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I mumbled, staring at the blonde. He turned to face me, eyes analyzing my expression. His pupils dilated in knowing, his stillness a telltale sign he knew something was up.

Kiean was always able to read through me.

“But you have feelings for him,” He said as we watched each other, the gaze between us speaking for me.

I tried my best to remain stiff, but I nodded, tears beginning to well in my eyes.

“I know why you left Y/N,” Kiean looked away, looking at his hands that were folded in his lap, playing with his fingers, “and I don’t blame you for leaving.”

“I couldn’t handle it anymore. So many people were hurt. So many people dead.” I whispered, my voice wavering. I blinked in an attempt to hide my tears, but that only made them fall down the skin of my cheeks.

Kiean picked at his nails, “I’m not gonna lie, you fucked us over.”

My mouth formed a straight line as I stared at the patterned bedsheets.

“The whole syndicate fell once you left. Matt followed. Then Orie, then Bryan. Our organization collapsed after you disappeared…and the Rule Maker took over. You know how much that would have pissed Kade off.”

My body stiffened at the mention of the Rule Maker. He was the biggest crime syndicate in North America other than us; always trying to take Fidelio down.

“Once business shifted and we tried building up again- but since we lost the crew it was almost impossible. We became petty dealers for a bit, but no one wanted to deal with Kade anymore. So, we’ve been working under the Rule Maker as the foxes.” Kiean sighed.

“And he’s blamed me for everything,” I laughed bitterly.

Kiean nodded, “I mean, our business fell apart once you left Y/N. We have nothing now.”

“So you blame me too?” I asked, glaring at him. Kiean didn’t say anything.

“It’s not my fault I didn’t want to be part of that shitty lifestyle anymore. I was tired of being used, and I was tired of being part of a problem,” my voice began to rise, “So many people got hurt, and I did some heinous things. I needed out, especially after everything with Kade happened.”

“Kade has issues, I know… but he loves you Y/N-”

“Oh fuck off!” I yelled, my body pulling against the restraints in frustration, “Don’t you dare say he loves me.”

My chest heaved as venomous words left my tongue, “What he did to me was not love. I wish he was dead.”

“Look-” Kiean placed a hand on my own, which caused me to flinch. I tried pulling away, but couldn’t due to the ropes grasp, “I know you’re angry. You hate him, and you hate me, but we need your help.”

“Why would I ever help you,” my teeth clenched in animosity.

Kiean watched me carefully, “You put that mask back on for your friend.”

I avoided his gaze once again.

“You knew we’d be able to find you, and you knew Kade would come in a heartbeat…So why did you risk everything you ran from, for him? If you were so done with this life, why are you willing to return for this guy?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered, “He needed help.”

“Y/N,” Kiean’s green irises begged, “If you’re willing to help someone you just met, can’t you help us? Help me?”

Kiean knew he was my weakness. He had always been there to save me from Kade’s hands. He protected me and kept me safe, despite how awful life was back in Canada. He was my best friend. He was my brother.

“We’re going to take down the Rule Maker,” He said firmly, standing up from the bed now.

“Excuse me?” I scoffed, a laugh almost escaping my lips from disbelief, “What?”

Kiean turned to the closer in the motel room, pulling out three fox head masks. Kiean’s, Kade’s, and…

“Yours,” Kiean said, holding up one of the masks. The silver paint glinted slightly from the flickering yellow motel light.

“We need your help, just this one last time. I promise we’ll leave your life for good if you help us.”

I stared at the mask, almost rolling my eyes, “And if I say no?”

The motel door opened, and I sucked in an anxious breath. Kade slammed the door, his expression furious as his sweat-stained hair hung over his forehead. My limbs warmed nervously as my lungs collapsed, air unable to escape.

I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away

Had he been listening this whole time?

“Then I’ll kill you, and your little fuck toy,” Kade seethed, lifeless orbs glaring in my direction.

Watching as it circles in the drain With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change

+++++

NOAH

It was the fear of the unknown that amplified the sense of vulnerability and helplessness I felt. Being at the mercy of someone else and unable to anticipate their next move, left me terrified and completely hopeless.

The blindfold that covered my vision left me anxious as my body thrashed back and forth from the restraints that tied my arms back, the metal cold against my skin. As I attempted to wiggle free the chains that held me swung against the chair, clanging in my ears. The wind whistled around the building I must’ve been in, causing me to shiver.

I screamed angrily, swinging aimlessly before the chair toppled over and I landed on the cement ground with a thud, the side of my head smacking into the pavement.

I didn’t necessarily believe in a God- but I prayed.

I prayed that Y/N was okay and that she knew I was sorry for everything.

I prayed that whatever happened to me, my brothers knew I loved them. Knew how sorry I was that our lives were ruined because of me.

I prayed that they would be able to find the trail I left behind.

Old friends, same disease I can't get away from it Old friends, same as enemies

“There’s no way you pulled that pharmacy heist off by yourself,” Anger seeped through every word, every syllable.

“Who is she?”

I laughed, my body aching against the ground as I continued wrestling the chains, “You underestimating me?”

The man growled, pushing my face into the cement forcefully, causing me to laugh in resentment. Even through the blindfold, I could tell a snarle was embedded on his face.

“I stole your fucking car at fourteen. I can do anything I need to myself.”

“You sure about that?” I felt my body swing back up from the ground, two sets of hands sitting me upright in the chair.

“Who was wearing the Volto mask?”

I'm killing myself again I'm killing myself again I'm killing myself

“Fuck that I know,” I jeered, “What’s with the theatrics of all this?”

With my question ignored, I felt something cold and sharp press against my arm, “How do you know Y/N Y/L/N?”

I tried to not let my sarcastic smile fade at the mention of her name, “Who?”

“I’m not stupid boy,” The man yelled, a stinging warmth bolting up my arm, causing me to scream.

“Fuck!” I hollered, attempting to pull away, but I couldn’t move, nor see. Hands held my shoulders in place.

“I did some digging. You didn’t just break into her house, No,” he laughed, “No, you’ve been living there.”

I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away Watching as it circles in the drain

Why was he asking about the mask and Y/N?

My mind wandered back to Vincent, recalling our conversation days prior.

“Heads, you tell me about your little friend Y/N.”

My gaze narrowed and my fists clenched at the mention of her name. What did he want with Y/N?

“Tails, you tell me about your masked friend.”

Vincent said his boss wanted to know.

“So tell me,” I felt the blade dance across my skin, threatening, “Is she my missing mask?”

With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change

+++++

RUFFILO

As we strolled down the street, Folio turned to me with a curious expression. "Do you have any theories about who Y/N might be?" I shook my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well," he mused, "because two masked men chased us and kidnapped both Y/N and Noah and now she's revealed herself as a badass hacker and thief? That doesn't sound like your average barista if you ask me."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know. The only thing she ever mentioned was that she was trying to escape her past and feared being judged…and that she knows some pretty dangerous people.”

“She took us in without a thought,” Jolly piped in, “She had to have had a similar lifestyle. No one would just take in a group of criminals.” He then stopped walking, reaching into his pocket.

Jolly stared at his screen confused, the device vibrating with a surprising name dancing on the screen, “Vincent?”

Putting the phone against his ear he watched us, a confused look glazing over his features. I stood closer to him, trying to listen in on the conversation. Jolly rolled his eyes, pushing me gently.

“Fuck you calling me for? I don’t have shit bro.”

“Yo, you know where Noah is? Did this asshole flake?”

“Why?” Jolly asked, “You were supposed to meet him?”

“Yea, he had more shit for me- didn’t show up at the ally. Thought that maybe I scared him off since the last time we talked.”

“Well, he didn’t show up because he’s fucking missing.”

“Missing? The hell you mean missing.”

“Missing as in we have no idea where the fuck he is, and we think he was kidnapped; so your deal’s gonna have to wait.”

“Wait- I think I know who may have taken him.”

Immediately I stepped back to share a look with Jolly and Nick. Did Vincent know the twins?

“Shit I gotta go. Meet me at the pier in 20.”

I heard the phone beep and Jolly stared at the screen in confusion, “Folio?”

Nick hummed, “What?”

“Did Noah ever use his first name when dealing with Vincent?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, shaking his head, “Pretty sure I told him to just go by Sebastian.”

Jolly shoved his phone back into his pocket, pushing past us and walking quickly down the street, “Seems to me Vincent may be more involved in this.”

We hurriedly made our way to the pier, trying to cover the long distance in just twenty minutes. Walking was not ideal, but it was our only option as the cemetery was too far for a quick drive. The wind picked up, sending cold droplets of water flying towards us and making me shiver. As we reached the pier, I noticed a man leaning against the wooden railing, gazing out at the water. He turned towards us with a small smile and stood up straight.

“Jolly? Folio?” He acknowledged them, and Jolly whistled in response.

“Strange seeing you unmasked.”

“Well, I’m not going to wear it where everyone can see us,” He threw his hood over his head, shielding himself from the wind.

“So what do you mean you think you know who took Noah?” I asked.

He looked at me, thick brows sitting heavily above his eyes, “Who are you?”

“Nicholas. Ruffilo.”

“Ah,” Vincent mumbled, “The one that convinced Jolly to stop selling to me in the first place all those years ago.”

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Jolly placed a supportive hand on my shoulder.

“It was a mutual agreement, Vince. You know why we stopped, we got a new boss.”

“Yeah, whatever,” He huffed, leaning against the railing once again, “Well speaking of bosses, I think mine took him.”

“Is your boss a set of twins that wear these stupid fox masks?” Nick asked.

Vincent laughed, raising a brow, “Uh, no. But that’s interesting.”

Jolly, Nick and I looked at each other. So who took him if it wasn’t the twins?

“Whois he?” I asked.

With a shrug, Vincent turned to look out at the water again, “I dunno. I’ve never met him before, and we only communicate through his little henchmen. We call him the Rule Maker.”

“The Rule Maker?” Jolly chuckled for a moment, but then his smile quickly faded. “Wait, are you talking about THE Rule Maker?”

“Who's that?” I asked, feeling out of the loop.

Folio ran his fingers through his hair. “Only the biggest drug lord in North America.”

“Well, why would he kidnap Noah? We haven't been involved in anything related to drugs in years, except for the last month,” I said.

Vincent shrugged. “I was interrogated by one of his henchmen the other day. He wanted information about the person who helped him with the heist since they were wearing a mask belonging to the missing member of Fidelio.”

I quickly glanced at Folio and Jolly, making eye contact with both of them.

“Fidelio- isn't that a drug syndicate in Canada?” asked Jolly.

Vincent confirmed, “Yeah, it is. That was the first time we saw that mask in months. Then my boss started asking about some woman named Y/N Y/L/N.”

My brothers and I all had the same reaction: wide eyes and physically turning to face each other.

“So you do know her,” Vincent concluded.

“I mean-” Nick scratched his neck.

“Well, my boss knows her. He has been looking for her for years,” Vincent sighed, “So, Sebastian knows Y/N, and has a connection to the Volto mask. Yada yada, the boss wants answers that I couldn’t get out of Noah the other day. So he probably took him.”

I ran a hand over my face, groaning audibly. This is bad.

Jolly stared at me concerned, “Y/N is the missing member of Fidelio. The timeline would add up.” Fuck.

“Interesting,” Vincent chimed in, “So it’s the same person. That girl is the mask.”

“Well, did your boss say how he knows her?” Nick questioned.

The dealer shook his head, “Nope. And I don’t know where Sebastian would be either- but I think that’s who took him.”

“Why are you helping us?” I said warily.

Vincent smiled, his grillz shining against the setting sun, “Well, he provided good business. I got paid well.”

“I don’t know how we are supposed to find him though,” Nick said, “We were following a trail of flowers for a bit.”

Wait… following…

“Oh my god,” I smacked my forehead in annoyance, “Our trackers!” I lifted my pant leg, showing it off to the boys.

I wasn’t sure how we didn’t realize it sooner, but Noah still had his tracker attached to his ankle. At least, I hoped.

“How are we supposed to track it? It was Y/N who had the system,” Jolly said.

“Noah’s number might still be on her laptop. It’s worth a shot.”

+++++

Y/N

Kade sat across the room and asked, "Where is your laptop?" He slumped back in his chair and gave me a cold glare.

"Why would I tell you?" I retorted.

He chuckled, running his fingers through his blonde hair. "Do you have a death wish?"

I snarled at him, "It's not my fault you didn't secure your system properly. Figure it out on your own."

"Well, I didn't expect you to betray me and erase everything." His smile was pathetic and devoid of any warmth.

“Y/N,” Kiean pleaded, and I rolled my head to look at him. He sat on the other bed, eyes begging, “Just cooperate. Like I said, if you help we will leave your life forever.”

“How am I supposed to know that’ll happen?” I mocked, “You chased me and my friends, almost killed us in a car crash with guns, and fucking kidnapped me?”

The room was silent for a moment before Kade spoke up.

“I just want my fucking business back.” He growled, “So like I said, help me, or he is dead.”

I swallowed harshly, knowing that Kade’s threats were never empty. He always followed through with them, and I know he most certainly would kill him.

I didn’t want to help them… but I didn’t want to risk Noah’s life.

“It’s at my place,” I sighed.

Kade stood up, clapping his hands together, which caused me to close my eyes and flinch, “Then let’s go.”

We arrived at my house in a rental car that the Twins had gotten for us. I fidgeted with the bandages on my wrists, wincing as I did so, grateful for Kiean's care to prevent infection. My stomach churned as we parked outside of my front door; part of me hoped that the boys would be there to rescue me from this mess, but another part feared for their safety if they were there.

“Are your boyfriend’s minions home?” Kade spat, turning off the engine.

"How am I supposed to know? I've been held captive," I retorted with a sneer. Kiean gave me a pointed look, and I rolled my eyes before the three of us made our way to the door. Kade had taken my key and unlocked the house, stepping inside silently. The twins listened for any signs of movement, and I scanned the area, noting that the boys' shoes were missing.

“I don’t think they’re home,” I said. The twins nodded to each other, following me up the stairs to my room. Juice mewed behind, following us.

Once we entered I went to my desk, pulling the laptop off the charger. I handed it to Kiean who opened it, prompting me to type in my password.

“So now what?” I asked just before the front door opened.

The twins glanced at each other, holding a finger to their lips and my breath quickened, listening to the voices of the boys. They were here.

“So where is her laptop?”

“Probably upstairs. C’mon.”

Was Noah here too?

The shuffle of various sets of footsteps ran up the stairs and as soon as Folio turned the corner he let out a surprised yelp when our eyes met briefly.

“Y/N!” He screamed, taking a step forward before Kade cocked his pistol, holding it straight ahead.

“What the fuck-” I heard Ruffilo and saw him peer behind the corner, his eyes widening once he saw me.

Kade grabbed my wrist tightly, causing me to wince in pain. "Move, or I'll shoot," he threatened as we passed by Folio and Ruffilo with their hands raised in surrender. He dragged me out of the room, past the boys, and into a hallway where I saw Jolly waiting. But then, my eyes locked with a stranger's gaze and I didn't see Noah anywhere nearby.

I pulled against Kade as he tried prying me down the stairs, gun still pointed toward the boys.

“Wait-” I begged, causing Kade to stop, “Where’s Noah?”

As I stared up at Ruffilo from the stairs his gaze made my heart sink.

“He was kidnapped,” Ruffilo muttered.

“C’mon,” Kade spoke through gritted teeth, giving zero fucks about Noah. We reached the bottom of the stairs and Kiean pushed me softly toward the door.

“What?” I yelled back, complete worry taking over me, “By who?”

"The Rule Maker," Jolly hollered back, his voice carrying through the hall. The twins stopped in their tracks, their faces mirroring a mix of surprise and uncertainty as they exchanged a glance with each other.

I can't be saved Reaching for the life we threw away Watching as it circles in the drain With everything I loved, that's gone to waste With everything I was but couldn't change

Chapter 12 - Coming Soon

(New story parts chapter 12+, no longer re-edited work)

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@veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs

@flowery-mess @mentallynot-here @judging-from-afar @darkmxgician @badomensls

@hoe-for-daddywise @philomenie @xxkittenkissesxx @venturethroughtheveil @thefallennightmare

@blend-in-with-the-madness @reyadawn @deathblacksmoke @anameunmusical @sitkowski

@anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @amelia-acero @rumoured-whispers @artificialbreezy

#bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #bad omens fic #Noah Sebastian x reader #burning out fanfic #crime fanfic #bad omens cult

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igotanidea · 1 year

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Time off : Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Request: can you write something super fluffy with Dean? Like a day off of hunting or so?

Hope you'll like it anon.

Warning: slight innuendo, couple referrals to the events in the show, but no spoilers (seriously, if you don't know it, go check the "pudding scene" :D )

***

Dean Winchester was not afraid of ghost, monsters, angels, devils, genies or any other kind of monstrous creatures. How could he? The hunter blood in his veins was an effective method of keeping his fear at bay at all times.

But…..

Sometimes, very rarely, after a particularly hard case and fighting, he was brutally reminded that despite everything he was only human with all the weaknesses that came with it. Normally he would just shrug it off, patch himself up, get some sleep and move on to another mission. Keeping appearances of the rowdy boy, charming his way with the characteristic smirk and deflecting emotions by using sarcasm and dry humor. More often than not it was his brother’s sake. Someone had to do the dirty job, and he was not going to let Sammy get his hands dirty.

Or at least that’s what he thought when he and his brother started their crusade. But it’s been quite a few years ago and now he was just tired. Just that. And moving forward despite everything.

He was used to being alone with the weight of the world on his shoulder, carrying it like some sort of martyr. No asking for help, not forming friendship or any real long-term relationship. One night stand? Sure, absolutely his style. Dragging a woman into his messed up life? Nah, thank you very much. Even those, who were fairly experienced in the hunting field could not withstand it and that was Dean’s greatest failure and guilt, even if he would never admit it out loud.

And then, Y/N came into his life. Or rather, slammed into it.

And it was not in the way anyone may suspect. Y/N was not just another victim of supernatural occurrence who the brothers tried to safe. Quite the opposite actually.

She was Sam’s friends from the law school. Only that Sam never graduated and she did. This fierce and sarcastic girl was one of the most insightful and brave people Dean has ever met. And in his job he met a lot so he had quite the comparison. And on top of all her skills, she was very knowledgeable of the specifics of Winchester’s legacy and family business. From the first day she met Sam she knew that the boy was hiding something, probably running from the past. Silent observation, a few tricky questions and some digging were enough to rim the younger brother and force him to confess. All in absolute confidentiality of course. They were best of friends, not afraid to confide in another and not afraid to just be themselves. Obviously Jess did not like it. But she had very little to say when she died in fire and Sam was dragged back into the past and joined his brother, leaving Y/N behind. For three years . And just like that, they met again by some crazy accident. Winchester’s found themselves investigating a case in one of the countless cities and much to their surprise found counselor Y/N doing pretty much the same. And to even bigger surprise she was doing crazily good, getting information neither of them ever could. They made quite the team, so she tagged along, joining brothers. Being a pain in the ass, as Dean was so kind to describe. Deep inside however, he liked that girl and perhaps was slightly jealous of the fact that she was so good in the same field as he. Sam went even as far to ask him if he was afraid of competition. A mistake he only made once.

Y/N was dealing with all the inconveniences and obstacles with stubbornness and analytical mind. And Dean soon found himself falling for her. And worried about her safety. And acting like an idiot saying a lot of harsh and untrue words just to discourage her and made her leave for good. Guess what? She did not.

One day, Sam came back to the motel the three were staying in and walked right into a very heated argument, filled with screaming, door slamming and throwing things at each other. Followed by a week of not talking and sulking. It was impossible to work with those two. Good thing the younger Winchester decided to knock some sense into his brother’s head. Accidental, arranged meeting in the middle of the night resulted in shy kisses which quickly turned far less innocent when Y/N and Dean ended up in his motel room indulging in some other activities than hunting. Poor Sam had a really rough night and barely slept (thin walls, people!), but despite the teasing he gave the couple he couldn’t be more glad they finally resolved the case and confessed true feelings for each other.

And that backstory brings us to this day.

Sometimes Dean was just tired. And she knew exactly when those moments were coming and were always ready to make him feel better.

“Ok, that is enough.” She advice in the most stern voice anyone has ever heard from her, walking into the bunker’s main room.

“We’re actually in the middle of something….” Sam started

“Get out Sam.”

“But…..”

“Do you really want to me to start figuring out what case you’re not telling me about. ‘Cause this is not gonna end up nice for you.” she warned

“We’re not hiding anything…..”

“Shall I remind you I’m a lawyer? You are skilled in deception Winchester, but you cannot fool me. Now out!” her index finger pointed at the door and Sam had no choice but to obey. Sometimes Y/N was scarier than any creature met during the years, not that he was going to point that out.

“Are you on your period sweetheart?” Dean grinned

“I’m sorry?” she raised an eyebrow

“You look like you wanted to kill him. Cramps?”

“Do you really want to find out?”

“Nah. Thank you. I’ve had my fair share of dying and coming back to life.”

“Right. Cannot deny your experience in the field. Being raised from perdition by the angel of the god surely does ……”

‘Y/n”

“Oh what the hell now.” Y/n turned around only to be met with another extraterrestrial creature in a distinctive trench coat.

“Y/N” he repeated

“Well hello Cass.” She rolled her eyes “what brings you, well, down to Earth if I’m allowed to use that expression.

“You called my name.” he pointed out

“No I did not.” she opposed

“Yes. You did.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, even if I did, since when are you the one to answer the phone? From what I know you show up and disappear as you please.”

“that is not true” Castiel looked above her shoulder, eyes fixed on Dean.

“At least this time you keep personal space” Winchester pointed out, chewing on his sandwich

“Do you guys want me to leave you two alone? I can smell heavy bromance in the air….”

“What is bromance?” Cas tilted his head in confusion

“Y/N…..” Dean warned “don’t you dare…..”

“Why not? why don’t we educate our little wingy friend on some modern terms?”

“He’s big enough to do it by himself”

“Really?” the girl raised an eyebrow “are you speaking from experience”

“I don’t understand what you two are talking about….”

“Get out Cas!’ both of them shouted at him and with the slightest shrug, bit of confusion on his face and flapping of the wings disappeared.

“Do you think he is actually going to check what bromance is?” Y/n wondered

“Not a chance”

“That’s a relief. Knowing Cas he would want to experience it in real life.”

“He’s got undeniable chemistry with Crowley so how about that” Dean smirked but despite the irony and humor he was using he could not hide the tiredness and worry reflecting in his eyes. “You wanted something from me?”

“I just came to say hi.” She moved forward and snuggled next to him “haven’t seen you whole day.”

“Hi baby” he replied kissing her forehead “I’m sorry, but you know how it is. The work…..”

“You need rest, Dean.”

“I don’t…..”

“I’m not accepting refusal, honey” Y/N cupped his cheek “let me take care of you. Please. You’ve had enough. Let me get you to bed.”

“You just can’t wait to get your hands on me, hm? I;m not opposed to….”

“Shut up you idiot!” previous tenderness and care was replaced by a smack through his head

“Hey what happened to let me take care of you?” he whined

“On second thought maybe you don’t need it that much if you’re up for dirty jokes.”

“Ok, point taken. I’ll be good, I promise. Scout’s word.”

“You were never a scout.”

“Honorary one. Witness in the person of Bobby.”

“Sold” she smiled and resumed doting over her boyfriend “My poor boy” she moved closer and locked arms around him, hugging so tight, so close, with so much love and affection. “we can just stay here.” Her voice was partially muttered since her face was buried in his chest. “we don’t need to do anything. Just be. ”

“I want nothing more but …..”

“No, Dean. No buts.” She opposed shaking her head “We’ve cracked 12 cases in the last two weeks. Saved hell lot of people….”

“Why does it still feel not enough? Like I could do more……”

“Dean…..” she whispered looking up, cupping his cheek and brushing it softly.

“I’m sorry baby. I’m being grumpy.”

“What’s new” she grinned “guess I’m not the one on period after all.”

“You should have left when you had a chance….”

“Sure. Unfortunately one stubborn bad boy made it impossible.”

“Bad boy, huh? What’s his crime?”

“Heart stealing.” She whispered meeting his eyes

“I’m sure he keeps in the safe place where it can’t get hurt.” Dean moved his head slightly to kiss the palm of the hand still resting on his cheek “I could never……”

“I know.” she assured

“Besides, it’s not stealing if you captured mine. I would rather call it an exchange.”

“I like the sound of that. “ she smiled lightly “Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“ Let me save you today. For once, let me be the one to protect you from the monsters in your mind.”

“It’s not…..” he started but she did not let him finish.

“Just let me…..” she whispered again and her voice held so many emotions all he could do was nod in agreement. Giving in to her completely. “Come with me”.

All that happened after seemed like a beautiful dream he did not have in weeks. Intertwining their fingers Y/N led him to the coach on the other side and made him lay down, never ever stopping gentle caress on his back and shoulders. It was so comforting and calming that when she moved away to get the blanket Dean grabbed her wrist, eyes pleading not to leave him.

“Relax, baby” she kissed top of his head, her heart breaking a little “I’m right here with you. Not going anywhere. Just can’t risk us getting cold.”

“Us?” he frowned a bit

“I just told you I’m not leaving.” She laughed lightly stretching as far as possible to reach for the rug without falling of the bed and without letting go of his hand “So yes, us. Think we can fit under that?”

“I think you will have to get closer to me.” He muttered, arms wrapping around her making her squeal.

“How… how close?”

“Closer.”

“Closer than what?”

“Just closer.” He whined lying head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

“Ok.” She responded, shifting positions, one hand on his back, rubbing circles there, other running through his hair. “I love you Dean.”

“I know sweetheart….”

“Say it back, you fool….” She pleaded, absolutely overwhelmed by the peace his presence brought her. Just him, doing nothing. Relying on her, trusting her, not having this emotional wall that separated them from each other way too often. Vulnerable in her embrace, surrendering to her love. Happy tears sprung from her eyes and as one warm drop landed on his cheek he looked up immediately.

“Baby? You know I do love you, please don’t cry…..” slight panic creeping on his face.

“I’m not sad, honey. Just… having you like this…..you don’t even know what it means to me.”

“I love you” he whispered leaning forward “I love you.” chaste kiss on her lips “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I know.” she smirked “Now, sleep. I’ll keep demons at bay.”

“What about nosy angels?”

“I think I can handle.”

“How about humans?”

“Those are easiest to get rid of. Have you ever heard that song dumb ways to die? Quite an inspiration in desperate times” she laughed and the sound made him pull her in more. Just some time off with her was all he needed and he was going to enjoy this the maximum.

“Can we have some pie later?” he mumbled

“How about pudding? Bet that brings good memories?” she teased referring to the craziest thing he did back in the days.

“Please…..” he groaned “don’t remind me….”

“Oh, I will never let you live it down.”

#supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester x you #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean x you

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demons-i-get · 2 months

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We all know Dean raised Sam. This is something we agree on, right? We also all agree that Sam's first word was 'Dean' or some variation of it in an attempt to say 'Dean', yeah?

Please consider for me: Sam, a tiny, small child, a little baby, an adorable little bean. He calls Dean 'dede' the same way little kids still learning to talk call their parents 'mama' and 'dada'. As he gets a little older, 'dede' becomes 'De'.

In kindergarten when the other kids are talking about doing things with Mommy and Daddy, Sam talks about how De takes care of him because Dad is always really busy but it's okay because De is the best and plays all kinds of fun games with him. All the other kids are like, 'but what about your mommy?' and Sammy doesn't have a mommy, or even remember what having a mommy was like, and the other kids are just devastated by this because 'my mommy is the bestest' and 'mommies take care of you, so who takes care of you if you don't have a mommy?' and Sammy gets all belligerent in that five/six-year-old-way and insists that he doesn't need a mommy because he has a De and De takes the bestest care of him.

Even after they get older and Sam only calls his brother 'Dean', he'll still revert to calling him 'De' when he's really tired, hurt, sick, scared, or drugged up on painkillers lmao.

When he was in second grade, Sam fell off the monkey bars during recess, sprained his ankle, and scraped his knees up pretty bad. He wailed and cried and called for 'De' while the teachers and the school nurse tried to help him and they couldn't figure out who to call because John wasn't answering his phone when all of a sudden another, slightly older, child appeared out of fucking nowhere, swept a blubbering little Sammy into his arms, and calmed him right down. The teachers and nurses are confused as hell because one: where did this other child even come from, two: Sam wouldn't let anyone near him and would start screaming if someone tried to touch him but this kid shows up and just immediately scoops him up and gets him to stop wailing, and three: seriously where did this other child come from??? He looked too old to be another second grader or even a third or fourth grader who had wandered outside at all the commotion. Turned out, he was a sixth grader on his way to lunch when he heard the commotion and came running. Apparently, this was the 'De' that Sam kept yelling for.

EVEN AS ADULTS Sam still does this!!!!! When he's nervous, Sam will reach out and grab the back of Dean's shirt/jacket/whatever (like we see him do in 'What Is and What Should Never Be' even if that was a djinn-induced hallucination) and say real softly, "De," which prompts Dean to take over and do all the talking and make himself big and loud and impossible to ignore until they can get out of the situation. Once they're in the clear, Dean will always check in with a, "You okay, Sammy?" and lays a grounding hand on Sam's shoulder until he gets a reply.

However, (because I'm a sucker for angst) Sam calls him 'De' for the first time since Dean came to him for help finding John when Dean's dying after he got electrocuted fighting the rawhead (s1ep12 Faith); it breaks Dean's ailing heart because Sammy hasn't called him that in almost five years and now Dean has to leave his little brother behind and it's gonna absolutely devastate him. Most of the whole time Dean's sick, Sam calls him De, and even after Roy heals him, he's De for like, another week while Sam hovers over him, terrified something's going to happen and take his big brother away from him.

TL;DR: Sam used to call Dean 'dede' (like 'dada'), called him 'De' as he got a little older, and still calls him 'De' in times of emotional turmoil/distress throughout their adult lives.

I have more thoughts about Sam calling Dean 'De' that are more sad/angsty/etc. but I wanted to keep this post mostly fluffy and cute so I'll probably reblog this with more thoughts at some point!

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn #dean's headcanons #dean winchester is sam winchester's parent #I think about dean's parentification and start frothing at the mouth #i'm so normal about them can you tell

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builtbybrokenbells · 1 year

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Hate To Love You | iii

Read part two here

Pairing: sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 10.5k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, fingering, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (WEAR A CONDOM I JUST HAVE A PROBLEM OK), swearing, love triangle, really fluffy soft sex, general fluff, angst, breakups, sadness in general, depressing themes, sad Danny + Sammy, sorry if i missed any!!

here’s part 3! the last one!! i’ve been writing it for a few days now and i’m sorry it turned out so long! I hope you enjoy and thank you so much for reading 🫶🏻 as always, please excuse any grammar mistakes and please be kind!

“The person you are calling isn’t available right now, please-“

“Fuck!” You exclaimed, trying to be as quiet as possible despite your emotions being all over the place. You hung up, not willing to leave yet another message, and dialled the number again. You were pacing back and fourth in the barren hallway. “Danny, please pick up.” You begged, only being met with the sound of a dial tone. You leaned against a section of wall that held no doors, wiping away the tears that were falling without any sign of stopping. When the voicemail rang again, you threw your phone at the ground, not caring about the repercussions. You took your head in your hands, pulling at your hair. A choked sob fell from your mouth, echoing through the empty air.

Sam was in his room, still standing by the door, not finding the power in himself to move from his position. He could hear every desperate voicemail you’d left his band mate, every cry, every rejected phone call. He wanted so badly to go out, to tell you it was okay, or that he was sorry, but he stood frozen, knowing he couldn’t face you after what he’d said to you. He was heartbroken, questioning if the months of love you both shared was real or if he’d made it up in his head. He thought back to the words you shared that night, chest aching at the proclamations of love that he had thrown in the garbage.

There was a part of Sam that hoped you would change your mind, knock on his door and ask to go back to bed with him, but with every ring of your phone, the hope was crushed even more. He regretted not telling you about his interaction with Danny at the venue, thinking maybe it would have changed the nights events.

In the hallway, you were still crying, staring at your phone that you’d tossed to the ground, praying it would light up with his name. The altercation with Sam was breaking your heart more by the second, afraid of genuinely losing him, but you were petrified that you’d lose the only friend you’d ever had, too. You picked your phone up, shoving it back in your pocket. Your eyes scanned the doors, wishing that somehow you could just tell by intuition which room was his, but you didn’t want to risk waking up a poor stranger to your current mess of a life. You’d given up, ready to just go out to your car and start the long drive home.

When you turned to make your way to the elevator, a door behind you opened. You whipped your head back around, not bothering to wipe your mess of tears away. Danny stepped into the hallway, looking just as rough as you did. You turned your body towards him, but you didn’t move forward, scared that he might turn around. “Pip?” His voice was raspy and his hair was disheveled, red eyes brimming with tears. There was no judgement, knowing you looked no better. You stayed stagnant, still unsure if you should approach. “Come here.” He whispered, lifting his arm slightly and holding his hand out.

You sprung to action at the words, running to him and wrapping your arms around his torso. He held you just as tightly, just happy to know you still cared. “I’m so sorry, Danny.” You cried into his shirt. “I just- I don’t even-“ you cut yourself off every time you tried to formulate some kind of narrative.

“Please come inside. Let’s just talk, please.” You nodded, scared to let go of him. He guided you into his hotel room, closing the door behind him. The room reeked of alcohol, a half-empty whisky bottle decorating the wooden stand by the bed. He sat down on the mattress, patting the spot next to him. You obeyed, taking your shoes off and sitting criss-cross, facing him. “I, uh, I heard you and Sam.” He spoke first. You nodded slowly, sniffling. You wiped your cheeks with the sleeves of the sweater you were wearing.

“Yeah, I figured.” You let out a small, humourless laugh. “The whole hotel probably heard that fight.”

“I’m sorry.” He said. You could tell he was still drunk, just by the way his words were coming out.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, I’m the one who needs to apologize.”

“Well, yeah, you do.” He laughed, easing the tension a bit. “But I shouldn’t have tried to break down the door like that.” You lifted your head, finally making eye contact with him. “I shouldn’t have forced you guys to talk to me. I was just hurting, I guess.”

“You don’t have to explain anything, Danny.” You whispered, reaching your hand out for his. He didn’t hesitate in grabbing it, holding onto it like he thought he’d lose it. “I mean yeah, me and Sam got into it pretty bad.” You were putting it lightly. You were certain that you and Sam would never recover from that fight, but that was a problem you could hurt over later. “But you were completely justified. We were the assholes in this situation, through and through.” He shrugged at your words.

“You guys technically aren’t required to tell anybody, anything, Pip. I think it just hurt because I thought you would. You’ve never hid anything from me the entire time we’ve known each other. You’ve never lied to me before.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” You chuckled, shaking your head. “It’s stupid, because I ended up hurting you anyway. I just never wanted to see that look on your face, the one you gave me earlier.”

“You didn’t hurt me, y/n, the situation hurt me. It was a lose-lose, either way.”

“Stop!” You exclaimed, throwing your hands in the air in exasperation. “Stop acting like everything is fine and we didn’t do anything. I hurt you, and it’s okay to say that.” He looked down at his hand resting in yours, drawing in a long breath. He exhaled, finally giving a slow nod.

“Fine, yeah. You did, pip. Really bad.” He mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Danny.” You said. He looked back up to meet your eyes. “I can’t begin to explain how sorry I am. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to.” The honesty was raw. You meant every word.

“I know, and that’s why it’s so easy to forgive you.” He gave a soft smile.

“You don’t have to settle for a shitty apology that I begged you to let me say.”

“Fine, I want you to come to my apartment and make me pancakes for breakfast every day for the next year. That settle it?” You both laughed now, diffusing the situation a bit more.

“I guess that’ll have to suffice, then.” You both sat, wordless, not knowing where to start.

“I’m in love with you, y/n. I think you’ve always known that, though.” Danny sighed.

“I haven’t, actually.” You heaved a breath of your own. “I didn’t know until after Sam and I got together.”

“Really?” Danny asked, genuinely curious.

“Yeah. I mean, I know we’re really close and obviously that we love each other, but I didn’t know you felt that way.” You said, your free hand running over the seam of your pants. “I wish I did, though.”

“Did you ever feel that way about me?” You swallowed hard, realizing that the hard part had just begun.

“Not exactly.” You whispered. “I love you more than words, Danny. You’re everything I could ever want in a person, but I think that you came into my life for a reason. I looked my whole life to find a friend like you. I never had anyone, and you showed up that night at the bar, looking at me like I was a real person. One with a backstory, one with beliefs and morals and jokes begging to be told. You were the first person who viewed me as one, too.” He didn’t move, soaking in everything you were saying. “I know this is going to sound terrible, but it’s true. I love you too much. So much so that I couldn’t date you. I could never risk losing you, or not having you by my side. I want you to be there for everything, every up and down, my wedding, I want you to help me raise my kids, to be Uncle Danny, and hopefully their godparent, too. Falling in love with you jeopardizes that. I know I could absolutely love you in the same way you love me, but I feel like in this lifetime, it was written in the stars that you were meant to be my best friend.” He took a sharp intake of breath.

“Ouch, friendzoned.” He laughed. You smacked his arm.

“Shut up.” You smiled. “In some fucked up way, I wish I could just get over that and be in love with you. You’re attractive, you’re a fantastic person, you’re kind and funny, and you’ve always been so good to me. You are the type of person everybody wants to fall in love with.” You admitted.

“But you’re in love with Sam.” Danny added. Slowly, you nodded. “It’s okay, pip. I’m not mad at you because you don’t want to be with me. That would be ridiculous. It sucks, yeah, obviously, but I want you to be happy more than anything. Above all, I want you in my life. You’re my best friend, too. Spending the rest of my life with you, no matter what relationship we have, is all I want.” He confessed. You felt more tears fill your eyes at his words.

“I want to give you the world, Danny. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I don’t deserve to have someone like you.” You sobbed, not bothering to hide your emotions with him.

“I know, pip. I feel the same way about you.” He pulled you into an embrace. It was familiar, comfortable, and felt like home. But it was a different feeling of home, not like the one Sam gave you. Both wonderful, but in two very different ways. “I guess I just don’t understand the whole thing yet.”

“What in particular?” You asked, head resting on his shoulder now.

“Sam treated you like shit for a long time, y/n. I don’t understand how you just let that go.”

“I don’t know,” you said, truthfully “it helped when we found out that it was kind of just a misunderstanding from the beginning.” You shrugged. “I always felt that way for him, though. I mean before he started being an ass to me, I really was falling for him. I guess that just never went away.”

“What did he misunderstand so badly that he decided he had to make you miserable?” You could tell Sam and Danny never talked about you much, just from the way Danny was speaking.

“He thought we were together. Way back when things started to change, he walked into your place and saw me in your kitchen. We’d flirted back and fourth before that. He walked out that day and we never actually talked it out.” You explained. Danny pulled back from you a little bit, shooting you a look of uncertainty.

“That’s what he told you?”

“Yeah,” you nodded “the night it all started, we had a big blowout over me chatting with another guy at your party. He said some mean shit about me flirting with other guys behind your back. The truth came out, I guess.” You let out a short-lived laugh.

“But he asked me about that right after it happened. I told him the truth.” Your stomach churned at his words. “He heard me talk about you all of the time, but he knew we weren’t together.”

“Oh.” You whispered. So Danny talked about you, but Sam didn’t. Clearly, Sam just had a problem with admitting he was wrong. “So he treated me like garbage because he didn’t want to tell me he fucked up and misunderstood.” You clarified. “And apparently, he doesn’t know how to trust me, either.” You murmured, taking a lock of your hair between your fingers and playing with the ends. “You know, it’s almost funny. I adore him, and I really do want to be with him, but he knows how to break my heart better than anyone else.” Your voice cracked again, feeling guilty for talking about Sam to Danny.

“Yeah, it seems so. He said some diabolical shit.” Danny was fully transparent with you, not finding a need to lie about it. You nodded, agreeing silently. “If I was dating you, I’d want to show you off to everyone. I mean, when I confronted him about it earlier, he wouldn’t even admit it, and he knew that I knew.” Your head snapped up to look at him.

“W-what?” You stuttered. “He knew that you knew?” You said, feeling a rush of anger flow through you.

“Yeah. I saw you walking out of his dressing room last night. When I brought it up to him, he lied and said you were a groupie. I told him I knew you guys were together, and he didn’t really say anything back. I figured he’d tell you.” Danny said, his eyes sad.

“He didn’t say anything.” You were so quiet that he could barely catch your words. You thought that your heart couldn’t break any more, but it was hurting more by the second. “He never even admitted it?” Danny shook his head, watching you carefully. A tear rolled down your cheek, mind engulfed with the thought of him being embarrassed of you. “I told him a lot, more than I’ve told a lot of people. He knows why you mean so much to me. He made me choose.” You croaked, body shaking with another wave of cries.

“He made you choose between us?” Danny was furious at the thought.

“Gave me an ultimatum, actually.” You laughed at the humourless admission. “I’m thinking that maybe I never really meant that much to him, anyway. Maybe all he wanted was to fuck me.” You chortled, tears still flowing freely. “I feel so fucking stupid!” You stood and began pacing again, not knowing what to do with yourself.

“Pip, you’re not stupid. Not at all.” Danny consoled you, now standing up with you.

“I never learn! Somehow, I always end up falling for assholes. I guess I just have no judgement of character, whatsoever.” You exclaimed, another body-racking sob falling from your lips. “I told him I loved him, too.”

“Hey,” Danny grabbed your arms, holding you still. You looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy. His heart ached seeing you that way. “You aren’t stupid for wanting to see the best in everyone.” He said. “That’s what I love the most about you. All you know how to do is love.” He took your chin between his thumb and his pointer finger. You two stood in limbo, staring at each other. “You don’t deserve that.” You wanted to break eye contact, to run and hide and wallow in the self-pity, but he wasn’t letting you. Before you knew what was happening, he had leaned down and caught your lips in a kiss.

It was a nice feeling, comforting, almost. He tasted like whiskey and his lips were soft. You wanted so badly to love it, to realize that he was the person you should be with, but it felt wrong. When he broke away, he saw the look of panic in your eyes. “Fuck, y/n, I’m so sorry.” He backed up, letting you go. “I shouldn’t have done that, it was wrong of me. I’m so sorry.” You felt like you were going to have a heart attack. Your chest was paining, heartbeat too fast to be healthy. Your palms were clammy and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You had no idea what to do.

“I… I have to go,” you squeaked, feeling another wave of tears about to hit. “I love you, Danny. So much. I’m so sorry for everything.”

“Pip, wait, please.” He pleaded.

“I’m so sorry, Danny.” You were backing up now, headed towards the door. You hated to admit that Sam might have been right. It was probably smarter to have waited until the morning. “I love you so much.” You whispered once more before opening the door and walking into the hallway. For the second time that night, you’d left a boy staring blankly at the spot you’d stood moments before, not knowing what to do.

•

The morning came violently and unwelcome. Both Danny and Sam had barely slept, tossing and turning, trying to come up with a solution to fix the situation. Both boys had called you and texted, to no avail. You had gone completely silent. Just disappeared, as if you’d never existed in the first place. You turned your location off, to which Sam had previously had access to, and it was driving him insane with worry. He just wanted to know if you were okay. When he’d reached his limit, he finally got out of bed and knocked on Danny’s door, hoping you stayed there for the night.

When Danny opened the door, his own hope of seeing you there was quickly flattened by Sam’s angry expression. “Can I help you?” Danny asked, not willing to speak with him yet.

“Is she in here with you?” He asked, omitting any type of greeting.

“I was hoping she went back to your room.” Danny admitted, now sick with worry himself.

“What did you do to her?” Sam snapped, immediately putting Danny on defence mode.

“What did I do to her?” He scoffed. Sam pushed his way inside the room. Danny slammed the door behind him. “Last I checked, you were the one throwing out ultimatums. What the fuck was that about?” Sam gave a look of warning. “She was out of her mind she was so upset. She’s in love with you, Sam! Why would you treat her like that?”

“Shut the fuck up, man.” Sam dismissed the statement completely. “Did she come in here last night?” Danny nodded. Sam’s blood boiled at the thought, even though he already knew you did. The confirmation gave him no solace. “What happened?” He demanded.

“She apologized. We made up. She cried about all of the shitty stuff you said to her. You know, exactly what you’d expect.” Danny shot back.

“So why’d she leave if everything was all sunshine and rainbows?” Sam pressed, knowing there had to be more. Danny avoided the question like it was the plague, backing down a bit and switching topics.

“Do you love her, Sam?”

“What?”

“I said, do you love her?” He repeated.

“What do you—yeah, of course I do!” Sam shouted.

“Then fucking show her. If you love her so much, stop breaking her heart all of the time, or you’ll lose her for good.” Sam looked to the ground, not sure how to answer. “She’s head over heels for you, man. Don’t fuck that up. She’s worth way more than what you’re giving her.”

“And what would you know about that?” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Cut the shit, Sam. If you love her, be with her. Don’t hide it, don’t pick fights or make her choose between anyone. You have to trust her, because she would never do anything to hurt you.” Danny explained, losing his anger a bit.

“If you love her so much, why are you giving up on her?” Sam asked, conceding, too.

“Because anyone with eyes knows she’s always going to pick you.” Sam’s heart dropped, suddenly feeling terrible about everything that happened. “She left last night because I kissed her. I was drunk and stupid and that was my mistake. I never should have done that.” Sam felt that same jealousy burn through him again, but he let it slide. “I love her more than anything, but I want her to be happy. I’m happy if she is. She was very clear with me that her and I are friends. She was very clear about how much she loves you.” Sam swallowed hard, relaxing his posture slightly.

“I’m sorry, Danny. I know I was a shitty friend the last few weeks.” He muttered.

“Me too, man. I overstepped some boundaries last night. I was just hurt, I guess.”

“I know, and that’s my fault. I should have been honest with you. I was just so scared of losing her, I wanted to keep her all to myself for as long as I could.” Sam admitted, feeling quite selfish. “I wish I could take back what I said to her last night. I know that you mean a lot to her. I think I just felt… inferior.” Sam chuckled.

“You guys are my best friends.” Danny sighed. “She’s my whole world. She just… yeah,” he trailed off.

“I know. I knew how you felt about her, I shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“I don’t want to be in the way of you guys being together, Sam. If that’s what you both want, I’m in your corner, always. But I want her in my life. She was my friend before anything else.” Sam nodded. “But you have to treat her right. Trust me, you fucked up, a lot.” The two boys laughed, knowing how true his blunt honesty was. “But you can still fix it. Just… believe her. Trust her. The only thing she knows how to do is love.” Sam’s hand ran through his hair, wondering about what to do next. “As for you and me? You’re my brother. Nothing’s ever going to come between that. Well, again.” He added quickly. Sam smiled.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” The two hugged, finally settling the divide that had been looming over them for weeks. “She deserves the world. Just…” Danny paused for a moment. “Give it to her, please. I promise, from here on out, she’s yours. She always was, but you have my blessing, if you will.” Danny chuckled. “I love her, but I can put that to the side. I just want her in my life, no matter what.”

“I will, Danny. I know I’ve been really fucking stupid, but that’s all I want to do. I didn’t mean to hurt you, either. Thank you for understanding.”

“Hey man, love makes everyone stupid.” The two shared a genuine laugh, the first one they’d shared in a while.

•

You braved the entire drive back to your apartment without stopping that night. The tears didn’t stop once, and the feeling of hopelessness was growing by the second. The smell of Sam that lingered on your clothes was breaking you more every time it decided to make itself known. By the time you pulled into the parking lot of your apartment, it was light outside. The sun served as a reminder that no matter how bad everything was, the world would just wake up and keep going as if nothing happened.

Upon entry, your home was eerily quiet, as usual. While it didn’t typically bother you, it was driving you insane, now. The ghost of memories with both boys stuck to the walls, memories clinging to every corner. You weren’t mad at Danny, but you were petrified of hurting him again. The kiss, although unexpected, didn’t cause any resentment towards him. You were both nowhere close to being in sound mind, but you didn’t want to stay and make the situation even worse. As much as it hurt, distance seemed to be the most logical solution at the time. For how long? You weren’t sure.

On the other hand, you cursed yourself, hating that you’d let Sam in. Hating that you let him ruin the only safe space you’ve ever had. You trusted him, finally breaking down that wall you’d built up so high, just to get your heart broken again. You loved him more than you could explain. Falling for him was easier than anything you’d ever done, but if loving him meant you had to give up your friendship with Danny, that wasn’t something you could do. Instead, you settled on the most irrational answer you could think of; losing them both. If that meant you’d stop hurting them, and maybe in turn stop your own hurt, you could make that sacrifice. No matter how much it sucked in the meantime.

You dropped your car keys on your kitchen table, putting your phone next to them. The screen lit up, showcasing the missed calls you’d been avoiding for the last few hours. Your finger lingered over Sam’s contact, an internal debate raging in your head. Almost as if he’d felt it, his name lit up your phone again with another incoming call. You stared at it, watching it ring. You wanted so badly to answer, to hear him say everything would be okay, that he’d be home in a few days and he would come to see you. Instead, you let it go to voicemail. You loved him, but the accusations and the ultimatums were just too much. You thought he would understand how much Danny meant to you, that maybe what he was asking of you was unreasonable. You wanted to work it out, but the fear of picking up the phone and getting into another fight was overwhelming.

Your bedroom was calling for you, your bed begging you to climb in and get some rest. When you walked down the hallway and turned into the room, your stomach churned. Your bed wasn’t your bed; it was the mattress that Sam had slept on for so many nights, his aura seeping into the foam and claiming it as his own. Laughing was all you could do. The apartment didn’t even belong to him, but it felt like he was supposed to be here.

You shed his clothes from your body, changing into pyjamas of your own. You threw your hair up, standing impossibly still in the middle of the small room. You were scared to move, as if you’d stumble upon another memory that would shatter your heart. Eventually, you picked up his sweater and pants from the floor, folding them neatly and bringing them back to your kitchen. You thought you’d be exhausted by the time you arrived home, but the thought of sleeping was sickening. You couldn’t bear the thought of waking up to this pain again. You grabbed your keys again, Sam’s clothes in hand, and walked back to your car.

You drove to his apartment complex, running up to his floor as fast as you could, wanting to be in and out as quick as possible. You unlocked his door with the spare key he’d given you and walked inside. The welcoming atmosphere of his home was devastating to you. The calming decor and familiar scent made you want to crawl into his bed and never leave, but you did what you intended to do. You sat his clothes on his bed, leaving the spare key on top, knowing he’d find it when he got home. Your legs carried you back to the exit automatically, but your mind was telling you to stay, that this was home, not wherever you were going back to. Still, you went into the hallway and locked the door behind you, trying to leave one of the biggest parts of your life in the past.

•

The days had strung together as if they were one long, never ending cycle. The temporary leave of absence from your job you’d taken allowed to to hide away in your apartment and wallow in pity. Your boss was quite understanding. She’d grown to be more like family, rather than management; knowing you well enough to understand that there wasn’t many people you could turn to. Instead of granting unpaid sick time, she approved a stress leave, ensuring you could still pay your rent and buy groceries while you were stuck in your rut. You appreciated it, considering you didn’t even have to explain why. The minute she’d seen the state you were in, she understood something bad happened.

The boys had returned from their tour a few days prior. The only reason you knew that was because you checked their social media’s constantly, missing them more every time you did. It was definitely a form of self-punishment, but you couldn’t stop yourself. Seeing the smiles they adorned in pictures gave you some sort of peace, knowing they were at least okay and still enjoying their passion. As for speaking to them, you were still avidly avoiding any form of contact. The missed calls on your phone had now reached the triple digits, not even counting the texts and voicemails. You genuinely had yourself convinced that they would be okay; that if you stayed away for long enough they’d both move on and be better for it. Misery was a terrible thing; the most successful persuader and it loved your company. You’d become very acquainted with it as of recent.

After more than a week of moping around your apartment, you pried yourself off of your couch, which had become your hideaway. You couldn’t find it in yourself to sleep in your bed, finding that the empty space that Sam used to occupy was way larger than it had ever been. The solidarity of the couch helped you forget about the space in Sam’s bed that had your name written on it, too. Beds were a touchy subject, now. You changed your clothes but couldn’t find the energy to shower. You lathered your hair in dry shampoo and brushed your teeth, instead. A quick trip to the coffee shop seemed reasonable, something to break you from your habit of staying inside.

You slipped on a sweater you were certain had belonged to your father years ago, but it ended up in your closet somehow. It was much too large, the sleeves hanging down inches past your hands. But it was comfortable and reminded you of your childhood. You made a note that you’d have to go and visit soon. You weren’t too concerned with looking your best, so you put on a pair of slippers and threw the hood of the sweater up, grabbing your car keys on the way out the door. You made your way down the stairs to the ground floor, keeping your head down, and collided with someone as you walked out the main entrance. “Shit! I’m sorry.” You rasped, not realizing how bad you sounded. It had been days since you’d spoken a word. You looked up to find a familiar mess of curly hair and a wave of terror washed over you. “Oh, I- I have to-“ you cut yourself off, making a move to run past him. “Gotta get to work.” You lied, rushing away. It was a stupid lie, but it was something.

“Pip, you’re not going to work. Stop.” Danny called, following after you. You continued on your journey to your car, wishing you would have just stayed inside.

“Yeah, big staff meeting! Can’t miss it.” You fumbled with your key fob, trying to unlock your doors.

“In your fucking pyjamas?” He finally snapped. You stopped, head down, knowing there was no way out of this without making everything worse.

“How long have you been out here?” You asked, voice barely above a whisper. The sky was cloudy, as if it knew the mood that was hanging in the air.

“I don’t know, twenty minutes.” He admitted. “I’ve been here a few times, just never really got the guts to ring your doorbell.”

“Oh,” you mumbled.

“You’ve been avoiding us, Pip.” He stated the obvious. You gave a slow nod, still not willing to look him in the eyes. “Can you please just talk to me?” He begged.

“What do you want me to say?” You broke, voice cracking. “I fucked everything up. I hurt both of you guys and got burned in the process. I’m trying to do the right thing, be a bigger person and let you guys go. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” You leaned on your car to hold yourself up, suddenly feeling lightheaded. You couldn’t recall the last time you’d stood for this long.

“Pip you’re being ridiculous,” Danny sighed. “Yeah, you guys could have gone about things differently, but at the end of the day it happened. I’m not holding it against you. You both love each other and I want you guys to be together. Even if it wasn’t out in the air, we could all see how happy you both were. You guys make each other happy, pip. You made him really happy. You have to understand that.” Your head ached at the brightness of the outdoors and your chest pained at his admission. “Sam’s been out of his mind with worry. He barely leaves his house, either. He sits there, waiting for you to show up. He doesn’t want to miss you incase you do.”

“I don’t know how to fix it. Between me and you, or me and him, or anything. I don’t know what to do anymore.” The tears you’d been fighting back made their way down your face.

“We all messed up, y/n. Every one of us did stuff wrong. The only way we’re gonna get through it is together.” You felt his hand on your shoulder. You buried your head in your arm that was supporting your weight on the car. “I shouldn’t have kissed you that night. That was my fault, and I’m so sorry. I know that put you in a bad position.”

“It’s okay, Danny. I’m not mad at you. I never was. I’m just mad at me. That look on your face that night… I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t believe that I made you feel that way. You’ve been nothing but good to me. I’m so sorry.” You cried. He pulled you towards him and you fell into his arms, hugging him with every ounce of love in your body.

“Pip, it’s okay. I miss you, I want to put this behind us. I just want my best friend back.” His hand was holding your head to his chest, his other wrapped around you. “You’ve been my best friend since the day I met you, and you’ll always be that, first, over anything else.”

“I miss you so much,” you sniffled, pausing yourself to regain some composure “I want you back in my life, too.” You hated the thought of the hug coming to an end. You’d spend every minute of every day hugging him if you could. It felt safe, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. “Did you want to come with me, maybe?” You asked, nervous that he may reject the offer. He pulled back, still keeping his hands on you. His eyes fell over your face, scanning it for a moment.

“Where are we going, pipsqueak?” He grinned. You felt a shred of happiness begin to chip away at the sorrow that had become so familiar.

“Get in,” you returned his smile.

“You’re not kidnapping me, are you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Oh come on, you’d love to be kidnapped by me.” You both laughed, climbing into the vehicle. For the first time in a while, life began to feel somewhat normal again. You shoved the keys in the ignition and turned them, starting the car. Your Bluetooth immediately picked up your phone, automatically starting the music you’d been most recently listening to. The digital display lit up with the song and the playlist name. Danny looked at you from the corner of his eye, scared to say anything. Eventually, he broke.

“You uh,” he cleared his throat “you’ve really been going through it, haven’t you?” You laughed, picking your phone up to change the playlist.

“You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Consider it unseen.” He covered his eyes, causing another giggle to fall from you. It was really nice to laugh again.

The day was spent driving, singing along to songs, eating takeout, and filled with the kind of laughter that made your stomach hurt. It was like nothing ever happened between the two of you. Eventually, when you pulled back into your parking spot, you dreaded the day coming to an end. You were scared to go back inside and be alone again. Danny could sense it, reaching out to put a hand on your knee while you sat in the drivers seat, unmoving. You placed your hand over his, basking in the human contact.

“I don’t want you to go.” You whispered.

“I know, pip. I don’t either.”

“You can stay the night.” You offered, looking over to him.

“I’d love to,” he sighed “but before that, I think you have to talk to Sam. I don’t think you should wait any longer.” Danny chuckled. You gave a slow nod, biting at the dry skin on your lip.

“I probably should.” You conceded, knowing that it was bound to come eventually.

“Don’t be scared, y/n. He’d drop everything and welcome you with open arms right now.” You gave his hand a squeeze, showing him you were listening. “Do you want to be with him?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you breathed, almost immediately “he hurt me really bad that night, but I know he was hurting, too. My apartment feels… empty without him around.” Danny let out a short-lived, breathy laugh.

“He’s been saying the same thing about you.” You swallowed hard. “If he’s what you want, pip, go and get him. There’s no point in both of you being miserable when you both want the same thing.”

“Thank you, Danny.” You said. “I’m sorry that things happened the way they did.”

“Me too.” He assured you. “What matters is we worked it out. It’s in the past, now. Today really made me realize that I never want to live a life without you in it. I’m glad I have you back.” He smiled. “Now go make up with him, and we can all stop being miserable.” He ordered.

“Okay,” you nodded “I will.”

“Good. Call me later and tell me how it went.” He made a move to get out of the car. “I love you, pip.”

“I love you, Danny.” You said as the door closed behind him. You watched him get in his own car through the rear view mirror. You smiled to yourself, happy that you and him had made up. You got out of your car yourself, giving yourself a pep talk as you walked back to your apartment. All you had to do was shower and drive to Sam’s place, and it would all go well after that, everything would be fine. You repeated that in your head until you believed it.

After you showered, you threw on another set of comfortable clothes, knowing you didn’t need to impress Sam. This was strictly a talk with no hidden implications. You wanted to make up with him, tell him how you really felt so it was out in the air. Wherever it went after that, was up to him. You spritzed on some perfume he always told you was his favourite, and you brushed your teeth and popped a mint, just in case. You were out the door with a little more pep in your step than earlier that day.

You played music through the speakers of your car, cracking the windows and letting the warm air flow freely. It was nice feeling alive again, rather than just existing. The drive seemed longer that it should have been, but you blamed it on your nerves. When you pulled into the lot of his complex, you sat in your car, scared to get out. The confidence you’d had on the way over quickly diminished as you watched the entryway, remembering the last time you’d been there. You must have sat for ten minutes or more, working yourself up to go inside. Eventually, you climbed out of your car and sucked it up. Your heart drummed louder with every step you took, but you refused to let it break you.

When you reached his front door, you stared at the numbers labelling the white painted wood. You stared, hand raised and balled in a fist, ready to knock. “Come on, you coward.” You whispered to yourself.

The echo of the knock was the loudest one you’d ever heard. It screamed against the walls for an eternity before it fizzled away into nothing, like no sound was ever made. You waited in the silence, shifting your weight from one leg to another. You debated if you should knock again, wondering if he even heard it, or if he was home, or if he cared. “Come on, Sammy.” You whispered again, a prayer to the universe. Just as you were getting ready to retreat, to run away with your tail between your legs like a beaten down dog, you heard shuffling behind the door. An unexpected confidence shot through you, raising your hand to knock again. This one was louder, more urgent than the last.

Within seconds, the lock on the knob flipped. Your heart skipped a beat. “Josh, I told you I wasn’t coming-“ the voice stopped abruptly when the door fully opened. Sam was shirtless, just in a pair of sweatpants. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was thrown back in a bun.

“Hi, Sammy.” You breathed. You couldn’t read the look on his face. Either he was feeling nothing, or everything all at once. You gave a small smile, to which he barely noticed because he was too busy pulling you into his arms.

“I don’t care if you’re here to punch me in the face and tell me you never want to see me again. I’m just happy you’re okay.” His voice cracked as he spoke, holding onto you as if his life depended on it. You held on just the same, realizing in that moment how much you missed his comfort. Eventually, he reluctantly pulled away, getting a good look at your face and noticing that the bags under your eyes matched his. “Are you okay?” He said, searching your eyes for an answer.

“I am now.” You were telling the truth; all of the turmoil and pain from the past weeks meant nothing. He was in front of you, and he didn’t hate you. He didn’t want to fight, he just wanted to love you. “I’m so sorry, Sammy.” It was your turn to lose your composure, a frown encapsulating your lips.

“No, I’m the one who should be sorry.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you inside, shutting the door behind you. “I never should have said that stuff to you, y/n. That was really low of me. I know that there’s no way for you to choose between us, because you love us differently. I didn’t see it then, but I know it now.” You felt like the fog had lifted, the clarity he gave you in that statement was stronger than any apology he could spew out.

“It was never a matter of choosing either of you over the other. I just… I needed to go to who I thought needed me the most.”

“I know,” he sat down on his couch, pulling you along with him. You sat next to him, but close enough so your leg was touching him. You both sat facing each other, not wanting to miss a moment of the company. “You were right to leave. I would have understood if you never spoke to me again after that.” His hand lifted to your face, taking your cheek into his palm. You leaned into the feeling, eyes fluttering closed.

“I would never be able to stay away from you.” You whispered. “No matter how mad or upset I was, I never stopped loving you.” Sam wiped away a tear that fell with his thumb.

“Me, either.” He said it as if it were a promise. You smiled at the sound of the words. “He’s your best friend, he’s the reason I even get to know you like this in the first place. I never should have let jealousy get in the way of that.”

“He is, Sam. And he always will be. If anything is going to happen between us, you have to know that, and you have to be okay with it.” You expressed, making sure he understood what you were saying.

“I am, princess.” He leaned in, hesitating at the natural instinct. You lifted your hand to rest atop the one cupping your cheek. “Danny and I talked things out after everything happened. The air is crystal clear on that.” He said with a dramatic tone. A small giggle escaped you. “I should have trusted you from the beginning, like way back in the beginning.”

“Yeah, you were an asshole for no reason, both times.” His gaze fell slightly, breaking the eye contact. “But, I know you know that. I’m not going to sit here and berate you for it.”

“You deserve to,” he breathed a laugh through his nose. “Y/n, I genuinely can’t begin to explain how sorry I am, for everything.”

“I know, Sammy. Me, too. I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t my whole world, because you are. So much so that I had to sleep on the couch since everything happened. It didn’t feel right sleeping in bed without you.” You admitted, a blush rising to your cheeks. He chuckled, moving his hand from your cheek into your hair, scratching your scalp gently. You hummed in response, eliciting a smile from him. He knew how much you loved when he did it.

“I did, too. If you couldn’t tell.” He was referring to the blanket and pillow balled up by the opposite arm of the sofa. “The clothes you dropped off are still on my bed with the key. Your toothbrush is still in the bathroom, and your shampoo is still in my shower. I couldn’t bring myself to move any of it.” He pulled you closer, resting his forehead on yours. You stayed silent, thoughts still swimming in your head.

“Were you embarrassed of me?” You couldn’t help but ask. “Is that why we never told anyone we were together?”

“What?” Sam asked, shocked at the question. “Of course not, baby. I actually thought you didn’t want to tell anyone.”

“I mean, I guess I didn’t at first. I was scared about Danny, and I kind of wanted to make sure we were going to last before we announced it, but I guess we just kind of fell into a routine.” You mumbled.

“I want nothing more than to show you off. There’s nothing about you that would ever make me ashamed. You’re the best girl I’ve ever met. You’re perfect, y/n.” His hand that rested in your hair moved down to the back of your neck. Your stomach erupted into butterflies. “I want you. I want to know you better than anyone else. I want to come home to you every day. I want to love you like you deserve to be loved for the rest of your life.” He whispered.

“I want that too.” You said, scooting impossibly closer to him. “Those days that I spent without you were the worst ones of my life. No matter where we go from here, you’ll always have a part of my heart.” Your hand reached out for his face now, your thumb trailing over his bottom lip and then over his jaw. You just wanted to be near him. You wanted the feeling of his skin on yours forever.

“I love you, and I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never hurt you like that again. I’ll make up for it forever if I have to.” The two of you sat for a moment, fingers exploring each others skin, foreheads resting together.

“I love you, Sam. And I still want you, if you’ll have me.” You took a sharp inhale, overwhelmed with emotion. “I know you never wanted to hurt me. We were both hurting and we took it out on each other.”

“Be my girlfriend.” He rushed out. “Let me do it right this time. No hiding, no sneaking. I want to take you on dates, I want to show you off, and I want you to have your key to my place back. It was never something you had to give back to me. It always belonged to you. It always will.”

“I’d love that, Sammy.” You felt tears forming in your eyes again, but this time they were for something other than sadness. You were overjoyed. He pulled you into him, his lips finally meetings yours. It was like the universe felt right again; no fireworks or butterflies exploded, it was just right. His tongue danced over your bottom lip, begging for more. You wasted no time accepting, opening your mouth slightly for him.

He pulled you into his lap, holding you as if he’d never get the chance again. You arms wrapped around his neck, fingers dancing in the small locks of hair that had fallen from his bun. “I missed you so much.” He mumbled against your mouth, causing you to smile into him.

“I missed you, too.” you breathed, parting from him to get a better look at his face. His eyes were glistening with adoration, expression nothing short of relieved.

“Stay with me tonight. Tomorrow, let me take you for that breakfast I promised you.” He sounded like he was pleading with you, but he had no idea that you wanted nothing more. You nodded, pulling him in for another kiss.

He stood, still holding on to you, and carried you to his bedroom. With great gentleness he sat you down on the mattress. He moved some items off the bed, making more room for the both of you. Your eyes fell on the clothes you’d left neatly there after everything happened. He wasn’t lying, they were untouched, and the key still rested on top of them like a gruesome decoration. He picked up the little key and held it out to you. You took it, a grin plastering your lips. Holding it again made you feel like you’d finally found something you didn’t know was missing. You sat it on his bedside table, making sure not to lose it. Once he cleared the bed he got in, laying down beside you.

He pulled you into him, arms wrapping around you with a hint of desperation. Your lips found his again, more needy than the last time. His hand snaked under the hem of your t-shirt, landing on your side and appreciating the warmth of your body. Your hands found his hair, gently pulling out the elastic holding it back. He laughed against your lips as your fingers tangled in the roots. He made a move to lift your shirt but stopped himself, pulling back slightly. “Can I?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, letting him pull it over your head. You lifted your body up, allowing him to unclip your bra. He discarded both on the floor, not caring where they ended up. His mouth moved down your jaw, leaving soft kisses as he progressed down your neck. A quiet moan sounded through the room when he sucked over a particularly sensitive area. He moved, sitting up slightly and hooked his fingers into the waistband of your pants, pulling them and your underwear off at the same time.

He stopped completely once all of your clothes were gone. He took in a shaky breath, eyes scanning every inch of you that was exposed. If he hadn’t been looking at you with so much love, you might’ve been embarrassed. “You’re gorgeous.” He muttered to himself, moving his mouth back to your collarbone. He progressed further, moving to your breasts and pulling one of your nipples into his mouth. You involuntarily arched your back, completely submitting to the power he so easily held over you. His hand found your hip, holding in back down to the bed.

You were aching to be touched, realizing then you’d missed him way more than you imagined. Everything about him drove you crazy. He’d barely even taken your clothes off and you were willing to do whatever he asked. His hand that had been holding your hip trailed between your legs, exploring you as if he was trying to get to know you again. When his thumb ghosted over your clit, a whine fell from your mouth. “I know baby,” he whispered, fuelled solely by lust. “I just want to go slow with you. I want to appreciate you.” He explained. You nodded, eyes never leaving him. You and Sam had never really had ‘slow sex’, it was mostly rough and fast, desperate from days of not being able to touch each other. It was different, but certainly not bad.

His fingers slipped inside you, the suddenness causing you to buck your hips forward. He hummed softly, a smirk forming on his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, and he was proud of it. He worked his fingers into you a few times, thumb brushing over your clit with ever pump. You were slowly turning into a mess beneath him, not caring about how desperate you were for him. When he pulled his hand away from you, you had to fight back a groan. He quickly made up for it, settling between your legs on his stomach and throwing your legs over his shoulders. His arms snaked under your thighs, pulling you down on his face. You gave a gasp of surprise, but he paid no mind to it.

He started slow, gentle with his tongue, just wanting to taste your arousal. After a moment, he picked up his speed, flicking his tongue over the bundle of nerves he’d been teasing just before. “Fuck Sammy,” you moaned, hands landing in his hair and pulling at it slightly. He hummed against you, pleased over hearing you say his name like that again. He worked away, fucking you with his tongue, holding your hips down on his face with his hands.

It didn’t take you long to reach your orgasm; you were teetering on the edge almost as soon as he started. He could tell, eager to get you there. His lips suctioned around your clit for a moment, causing you to grind your hips against him gently without even noticing. He let his tongue run over it a few times, causing a wave of pleasure to rush through you. He only had to work at you for a minute, though, your climax came hard and fast. He didn’t stop, riding you through your orgasm and eating you out as if he’d been starved of the feeling. When he pulled away from you, you missed the feeling, less so for the pleasure but solely because the intimacy was irresistible. You’d spent so long away from him that you never wanted him to stop touching you.

“Was that good, princess?” He asked, eyes clouded with lust.

“S’good, baby.” You breathed, pulling him up to kiss you. When you parted, he stood to take his pants off. You watched him intensely, making a move to the edge of the bed. You sat on the side, pulling him towards you. Just as you were going to take him in your mouth, he grabbed your cheeks in his hand and forced you to look up at him.

“Tonight’s about you,” he informed with a shake of his head. Instead of letting you go down on him, he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on your lips. You had to stop yourself from swooning, watching him like he put the stars in the sky. And to you, he did. There was nobody like Sam. He was your world, your sun, and your moon. He was everything.

He gently took your legs in his hands, signalling for you to move back on the bed. You did so, and he swung your legs back atop the mattress. You settled, head nestled in the pillows that still somehow smelled like him even after being gone for so long. It smelled like home, familiar and warm. It was home, always welcoming and safe. He was home, you decided. He nestled back between your legs, searching your face for any sign of discomfort before he started anything else. He was met with a look full of love, warming his heart and settling his fear. He sat for a moment, knowing that just being this close to you was better than anything that could come after it.

“Please, fuck me, Sammy.” You pleaded, hand finding the back of his neck. “I need you so badly.” He closed his eyes in ecstasy at your words, wasting no time lining his cock up with your entrance and pushing into you, slowly. You both breathed a sigh of relief at the feeling.

“I missed you so much, baby.” He whispered, eyes looking nowhere but your face. You did the same, revelling in the moment and finally feeling that you were where you belonged. For the first time since you’d started seeing Sam, the sex was filled with love and coated with meaning. You weren’t fucking, this time. You were making love, apologizing for everything that had happened in the most intimate way possible. You both were seeing through each other, all outside facades long gone, knowing each other down to the very things that made your souls unique.

His pace was slow, but deep. He was having a hard time holding back, wanting you more than he ever had. Your noises of pleasure were driving him crazy, nicer to him than any music he’d ever heard. “Look so pretty when I fuck you, princess.” He moaned, picking up his speed.

“Harder, please.” You begged, needing more. He paused, pulling your legs up so your feet were over his shoulders. He pulled you closer to him by your thighs, slamming back into you. You let out a gasp, only fuelling him further. He only kept you in that position for a few minutes before he pulled away, sitting down on the bed. He didn’t give you any time to ask a question before he was leaning down and scooping you up in his arms.

He brought you down on his lap, moving to the edge of the bed. “You want it so bad, work for it.” He said, the cocky side of him coming back a bit. You lifted your hips, allowing him access to you again. He wasted no time burying himself in you, grabbing your ass and slamming you down on his cock. A guttural cry tore through you, pleasure and pain mixing together in a deadly combination. “That’s it, baby.” The noise clearly affected him greatly, causing him to lose his composure. He admired you while you rode him, making sure to memorize every expression that crossed your face. He let one of his hands come up to grab one of your breasts, pinching one of your nipples before pulling it into his mouth. Your hips stuttered, feeling a knot forming in your belly. He could tell you were getting close, him not far behind. “You gonna cum for me, princess?” He asked.

“Fuck, Sam!” You gasped, his hips pushing forward off the bed to meet you as his hand pulled you down on him again. The words served as a warning, letting him know you were dangerously close to the edge. He repeated the same action a few more times, and that was all you needed. You came hard, pleasure rushing through you and settling all over. All of your muscles were tensed, and your cunt clenched around him caused him to reach his climax, too. His cock twitched inside you, buried deeply and filling you with his release.

The finish was spectacular for both of you, leaving you incapacitated and holding on to Sam for dear life. Both of your bodies were sweaty, tired and sore. You wanted so badly to just curl up beside him in bed and go to sleep. Your body was yearning for it. He pulled out of you slowly, letting you stand on your own time. He helped you to the bathroom to get you cleaned up and led you straight back to bed. He lifted the comforter for you, allowing you to climb in. You wasted no time, immediately burying your head in the pillows again. He climbed in next to you, pulling your back to his chest.

His chin nuzzled into your shoulder, head resting gently on yours. “I love you, y/n.” He whispered after a while, pulling you impossibly closer to him.

“I love you, Sammy.” You sighed, finding his hand under the covers and intertwining your fingers with his. “I think I will for the rest of my life.”

“Me too,” he mumbled against your ear, giving it a small kiss. “I never want to be away from you again.”

“Me either.” You agreed, relaxing into his body heat. “I’m sorry for everything again, Sam.”

“I am, too, baby. I’m so sorry.” He squeezed your hand softly. “I’m so happy to have you back. My apartment didn’t feel right without you around.” You chuckled at his statement.

“I said the same thing to Danny, earlier. He was the one who kind of pushed me to come and see you. We made up earlier, too.”

“I’m so glad,” Sam pulled his head back, placing a few kisses on your shoulder. “You need him in your life, too.” Your chest warmed, finally feeling the worry fully subside. “So,” He started, voice laced with sleepiness. “I know we just made it official today or whatever, but uh, we’ve been doing this for a while. We’ve known each other for a long time, too, I guess. And I love you a lot, and I think you do too.”

“Of course, Sam.” You said, not sure where he was going with it.

“And we both really hate not being around each other, right?”

“Yes,” you laughed “get on with it.”

“Move in with me.” He rushed out. When you didn’t respond, anxiety bubbled in his stomach. “You don’t have to, obviously, I just would really like it if you did, I guess. I mean, if it’s too soon, I get it, but this place just feels more like home with you here, and I plan on being with you for, well, forever, and-“

“Of course I will.” You hummed, cutting him off from his rambling. “I think we both learned our lesson. We both know we want each other. It’s safe.” He let out a breath of relief.

“That’s good, because I’d really love to come home to you every day.” He admitted.

“I’d like that, too.” You let your eyes flutter closed. He did the same, excited to fall asleep with you by his side again. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.” You giggled, poking fun at him before sleep overtook you.

“I hate you.” He muttered, tone joking and filled with nothing but love.

“I love you.”

“I still hate you, but I suppose I love you, too.” You could feel him smiling just from his voice.

“Hate to love me, then?” You asked. He chuckled.

“Sure, princess, hate to love you.” Silence ensued over once more. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Goodnight, my love.” You whispered. You both fell asleep that night happier than you’d ever been.

the end

hope you enjoyed!! This mini series has been so much fun to write. Thank you for reading!

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angelasscribbles · 9 months

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A Little Healing

Fandom: Heaven’s Secret (Romance Club)

Pairings: Adi x MC

Word Count: 1,255

Rating: MA

Warnings for this chapter: references sexual activity

A/N: This is the follow-up to Solace and completes my ideas about the emotions surrounding their little tryst. Consider it a two-shot. I have ideas for a poly ending with all these characters but I think that will be written in third person and have a different entry point. It will probably be a lot less canon as well, but we'll see.

My other stuff: Master List.

What had I done? Agreeing to help free the boy in the tower was madness. Yet something about him tugged at my very soul. Sleep was elusive as I tossed and turned, contemplating the possible repercussions. Then thoughts of Sammy intruded upon my consciousness, and I gave up on sleep. Without bothering to change into real clothes, I slipped out of my room and down the hall. I needed to see Adi.

I knew I shouldn’t be risking it. I had barely escaped expulsion that very morning. Somehow, I had managed to squeak by without a chaperone. Shepha knows how. I deserved to have one. After all, in the short time I’d been here, I’d managed to sleep with Mimi, Dino, and Lucifer. All forbidden fruit. All tantalizing and delicious.

The demonic spark inside me danced in joy at the thought of breaking the rules and getting away with it. As much as I tried to do the right thing, sometimes the wrong thing delighted me even more. It was like I had both inside me somehow. Was that even possible?

The demons called me a goody-two-shoes, and Dino called me the most demonic angel he’d ever met.

Dino.

The thought of him sent waves of warmth cascading through me. His taste still lingered on my lips from earlier. Out of all my dalliances, he was the only one who had accepted this thing between us without reservation. Oh, he fought it in the beginning, but now? Now he was ready to go all in. The offer was on the table.

“Before I decide to run my whole life into the ground, you have to decide if you really need it. Do you understand what I’m talking about?”

I understood only too well, and I struggled mightily with myself to not ruin his life. Part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind. Why should we be bound by these arbitrary rules? I wanted him. And there was an evil little part of me that delighted in the fact that I could have him if I wanted, that he would come willingly into my arms whenever I asked, personal cost to himself be damned.

Dino would destroy himself for me if I required it. And for that reason alone, I could not ask it of him. I wouldn’t.

Then there was Lucifer. The son of Satan was hotter than any being had a right to be. He was also maddening, frustrating, and infuriating. Sending off mixed signals like a malfunctioning traffic light, he ran so hot and cold I couldn’t keep track of if he liked me or hated me from one moment to the next.

He had certainly seemed to like me last night.

And that was the reason Mimi was mad at me. Angry didn’t begin to cover it. Mimi was furious but because she was jealous that I was with Lucifer, or because she was jealous that he was with me, I wasn’t sure. Mimi herself didn’t seem to know.

I was still trying to decide if having Mimi as a roommate was a gift from heaven or a torment sent from hell. Yes, I had told her that I felt more than friendship for her because I do. But we weren’t exclusive. Thanks to these asinine rules, we couldn’t be anything officially, what we did in the privacy of our room notwithstanding. I’ve always liked both boys and girls but never has any woman set my body on fire the way she does.

She feels it too. We were drawn to each other from the very first moment. There was not an ice cube’s chance in hell of her staying mad at me for long.

Dino had forgiven me for Lucifer. Mimi would too.

I made it to Adi’s door unseen. I raised my hand to knock, then hesitated. I didn’t want to wake him. I turned to go, but before I had a chance, he called out, “Come in.”

Technically, I had fucked Adi too, but what happened between us hadn’t been about love or courtship. It had been about grief, pure and simple. At least that’s what I told myself.

We hadn’t spoken of it. What had happened in that empty ballroom had stayed there.

Until now.

Adi was perched on the edge of his bed. He looked like hell. Dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes, his hair unkempt, clothes rumpled as if he’d slept in them.

I hurried across the room and sat down next to him. “Oh, Adi, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see his face.”

The anguish in his voice was breaking me. “Aw, sweetie, Sammy wouldn’t want you to torture yourself this way.”

He stared into my eyes, trembling as he confessed, “I feel guilty. For what happened with you. It…do you think I betrayed him? His memory?”

“No.” I shook my head emphatically. “It wasn’t like that, and Sammy wasn’t like that. He would understand. He would want you to take comfort wherever and however you can.”

“But what if….what if that was just an excuse? The truth is, I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you, even though I was in love with him. What does that say about me?”

“It says you have excellent taste in both men and women.” I teased.

He made a sound that was half laugh, half sob as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I.” I chastised him. “People have desires. We aren’t meant to be emotionless machines. You’re a demon, you know this.”

He dropped his eyes to his lap as he whispered, “I hate myself for not being able to save him. For not even knowing he was in danger. For arguing with him the last time I saw him. That was his last memory of me, Vic!”

“Hey!” I pulled him into my arms and let him rest his head on my shoulder as I ran my fingers comfortingly through his hair. “He knew exactly how much you loved him. I promise.”

We clung to each other for a long while, taking solace in each other’s arms.

When we finally pulled apart, I gently placed my fingers on his temples. “Look at me, Adi.” Then I showed him all of my memories of Sammy. All the good times, all the laughter, and all the love. Before I knew it, Adi was laughing despite himself. He relaxed, a little of the misery dropping away as he shared his own memories.

We traded stories about Sammy as the night deepened. There were tears and laughter as we reminisced.

Finally, we curled up on the bed together. Emotionally wrung out, we clung to one another.

The laughter had felt good. A little like healing.

I knew it wasn’t over.

Grief comes in waves. It sneaks up when you least expect it and takes you out just when you think you’ve beaten it. But in that moment, it gripped our hearts a little less. The darkness was a little brighter and the heaviness a little lighter.

I wrapped my body around him, the big spoon to his little spoon as we drifted off to sleep, the warmth of his body soaking into me, comforting and reassuring.

My grief surrounding my losses and my confusion over what to do about my three lovers kept me from being strictly happy, but as I slipped into slumber, I was, at least for the moment, content.

#heavens secret #rc adi #vicky walker #hs fanfic #heavens secret fanfiction #angelasscribbles #romance club

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wiypt-writes · 2 years

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Brothers In Arms

Part 9: Spinning Around

Summary: After hearing about the events in Boston, you come to a decision about your future…

Warnings: Bad language, violence, smut (NSFW) 18+

Pairing: MOB Ransom Drysdale x Reader. Mentions of MOB Steve Rogers x Reader.

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any of the characters contained within this series bar the Reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. I do not give permission for this to be translated and/or reposted on any other platforms. Reblogs are fine: Sharing is caring.

By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

A/N: Here we are, the penultimate chapter. Eeeek. thanks to @spectre-posts as always.

Brothers In Arms Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 8

W/C: 6k

It wasn't long before you'd made it back to your brother. Natasha drove and you were thankful, as the entire way to the hospital your mind was distracted. Your thoughts remained on Ransom and the situation you were in.

You’d decided to call him yourself and tell him Ari was awake, instead of asking Natasha do it. It felt more real that way. And also, if you were honest, a part of you wanted to hear his voice.

You hadn’t been prepared, however, for the fact that the first thing he’d basically asked when you’d called was if there was something wrong with you or the baby. It was something you’d seen and heard other expectant fathers ask their pregnant partners when they called, and it had made you feel all sorts of emotions.

You still didn’t know what you were going to do about the baby. Your heart and mind were so conflicted, not only over that but Ransom. It all made your head hurt when you thought about it.

Setting foot into your brother's room, you noticed that there was a crowd. Ari in bed; looking more colorful than when you'd left him, Sam, Kebede and Max all stood round. Their words were in a hushed tone as they conversed. Silence began the moment you appeared in the doorway.

“What…what’s going on?” You asked, dropping the bag of Ari’s belongings onto one of the free chairs as Natasha hung back a little. She then excused herself as her phone rang, ducking out to answer.

"There's been a development," Ari spoke with zero emotion, as if he were back on the job.

You felt flushed from the inside out, heat coursing through you in a panic you hadn't yet identified. You felt your stomach knot as you asked, "what do you mean?"

"Walt's dead, Steve's dead and Ransom has been stabbed," Ari looked at you and no one else as he answered. He wanted you to know there was not one iota of mistruth in what he told you.

You blinked, “what…Walt? I…” and then your brain registered what else he had said, and your stomach stopped. “Ran…he’s…is he okay?”

Sammy stepped forward to catch you as you started to wobble, "sit down, love."

"I don't know," Ari admitted.

“I don’t…I don’t understand.” You looked at Ari, “what…what happened?”

"I called and when he answered he was in bad shape," your brother, again, replied stoically. "He asked for help, then the line went dead.

“But you got him help, right?”

"If they got to him in time," he nodded. "I haven't heard either way."

Your eyes filled with tears, and you were about to give your brother a full verbal lashing for his blasé attitude but you stopped yourself. Ari was angry about what Ransom did to you and what had happened to him. And deep down you knew he had every right to be.

But that didn’t stop you worrying about Ransom. Because despite everything, you still loved him.

“Harlan found him.”

You turned to look at Natasha, who waved her phone in explanation as she stepped into the room. “He’s lost a lot of blood but he’s alive.”

Your chest shuddered as the breath you held let go. Your left hand covered your mouth while your right clutched your chest, just over your heart. "I need to go, now. The fastest you can get me there," you looked only at Natasha. If you'd looked at your brother, you knew already the look on his face would be of sad eyes and disappointment. He'd try to delay your exit possibly only to talk you out of leaving in his mind.

Natasha nodded, “Harlan suspected you might say that. His private jet is on the way.”

You stood slowly and began to walk forward, one foot out the threshold when Ari stopped you.

"Y/N," he spoke. When you turned to face him, he spoke again, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

You took a deep breath and shook your head, a tear trickling down your cheek. “I don’t know what I want, but I need to see him, Ari. I still love him. I’m not asking you for permission, or for you to understand because fuck knows I don’t understand it myself. But I need to go.”

"Alright," he nodded. Ari looked to Max, "get her there safe. Then get back here so we can figure out how to clean this shit up. If he survives, that bastard owes me the rest of his life."

"Sure thing, boss," Max spoke with his gravely East Coast accent. He turned toward you and Natasha, with a single nod, and Nat began to follow. You took a final glance at your brother.

"Thank you," you whispered. Ari nodded and you were beyond the threshold.

*****

Less than three hours later you were touching down in Boston. A car was waiting for you and Natasha, and she gently ushered you over the tarmac of the private air field towards it, Max casting a watchful eye from the top of the steps.

A familiar face was waiting for you in the driver’s seat.

“Carter…” it was almost a relief to see his face.

"Doll," he nodded at you.

"How's..." you began but Carter interrupted you as Natasha slid in beside you.

“He’s in a bad way, but being cared for by the best.” Carter swallowed. “I’m under instructions to take you straight to the house.”

“The house, is he not…”

“He’s being cared for by Doctors at Harlan’s mansion. We couldn’t call the authorities…too many questions.”

You had a few questions of your own, especially now you’d had an entire flight to sit and think about them.

“What happened? I know Steve stabbed him, but what…”

“Mr Thrombey has asked that I let him explain. He’s waiting for you, I’m under instructions to send you to see him before you see Ransom.”

"No, I want to see Ransom first, Carter," your voice held a pleading tone.

"Harlan first." Carter said firmly. He wasn't about to negotiate.

“Why does everyone in this damned family get off on pushing me around?” You grumbled.

Natasha caught your under-breath comment and smirked, "it keeps their dicks bigger. Mobsters lose control, they lose their rights."

You glanced at her, and she gave you a small smile as you scoffed.

The drive to Harlan’s was a familiar one, you’d been plenty of times before. Soon, Carter was pulling the car up to the front of the house. You didn’t even wait for it to stop before you opened the door to let yourself out.

"She's eager," Carter joked with Natasha as you left the door open.

Fran, Harlan's housemaid, thew open the door just as you reached for the handle. "He's in his study," she directed you.

You nodded, walking down the hall, ignoring both Ransom’s mother and father as your sneakers squeaked on the well-polished tiles. The mahogany doors were heavy as you pushed both open with your palms flat on their surface. You didn't even bother knocking, and frankly, you didn't give a shit. You wanted the answers you were seeking and you wanted to see Ransom.

Harlan wasn’t surprised to see you, he was stood by the window, clearly having seen you arrive.

“Y/N.” He gave you a soft smile.

“Where’s Ransom?” Your voice was quiet.

"He's upstairs," the oldest Thrombey said with softness. "You can see him in a moment, if you choose to after we talk. Have a seat."

"I'd rather stand," you stood your ground.

"Alright," he nodded.

You took a deep breath, waiting for Harlan to explain.

“The feud between Ransom and Steve, the one which you were regrettably caught in the middle of. It was started by Walt.”

You felt your jaw go slack as your brows furrowed and eyes squinted. "What?"

“Walter ordered the hit that went wrong. He’s the reason Peggy is dead and the reason Steve…well…” he trailed off.

“You know?” You whispered.

Harlan nodded. “Ari came to me, not long after it happened.”

“I know, I just wasn’t sure if he told you everything.”

Harlan took a deep breath as you licked your lips.

"Why am I just hearing this?" You shook your head, "So much could have been...I could..."

"Unfortunately, this is how these things play out. It's pathetic really. Cliché dramas that sometimes translate from screen to life." Harlan’s tone was gentle. A little like you found the man himself to be, despite the fact he was a ruthless mob boss. “That and I didn’t know.” Harlan shook his head. “‘None of us did, not until photos of Walt meeting with Rumlow emerged.”

“Photos?”

Harlan nodded. “Copies were sent to both your brother and Ransom.”

"Who took them?"

“No idea.” Harlan shrugged. “And I don’t think it matters much. Not now. Steve got his revenge, and then Ransom got his.”

Harlan studied you for a moment as you took the entire situation in. He watched as your face screwed up a little and you pinched the bridge of your nose, a desperate attempt to keep yourself from crying. Almost as if you didn’t want to give into the jumble of emotions you were feeling. Like you didn’t want to show weakness, or admit to anyone other than yourself that you cared what had happened to either of them.

But he knew you did, because you were here.

To Harlan, it was no wonder Ransom had fallen for you the way he had. You took crap from no one, but yet underneath it all, you were an incredibly kind hearted and loving person. You rounded off Ransom’s gruff and rough edges perfectly. And, as he stood there now, watching you in his study, it struck the older man exactly how much you reminded him of someone he knew extremely well, and missed every single day.

You looked to him after a moment or two and wondered about the expression on his face. It was like he was somewhere else, but not quite, caught in a memory almost. And as you watched, a soft smile spread across his face.

“Forgive me, but you’re a lot like Ransom’s mother, you know. Fierce, strong, independent. Well, she was until Rogers sucked it out of her. God I hated him. Cruel twist of fate really that the boys looked so much like him. Steve is…was his double, and well, apart from Ransom’s hair colour, he is too.”

At that you frowned, “their hair colour?”

“Steve is…was blonde, Ransom isn’t.”

You frowned. “Steve…had different hair colour?”

Harlan nodded.

Your frown deepened. You’d done everything you could to push that night from your mind. But…how could you have not noticed? You swallowed as you tried and tried to remember. The bathroom had been dimly lit, it wasn’t like you’d really had chance to look at his hair either…but then you shook your head.

“That’s not possible.” You looked at Harlan, “they’re identical twins!”

Harlan gave you a curious glance, “they’re not identical, Honey. They’re fraternal. Or they were. I mean, they did look ridiculously alike, but there are subtle differences, the hair colour being one, and then there’s a slight height difference, not much but…”

You swallowed, again zoning out of the conversation as the impact of Harlan’s revelation hit you.

You had come to terms with the fact that you would never know for sure who was your baby’s father. A paternity test for identical twins would mean shit, as they had identical DNA. But fraternal ones however, did not. And now, you were fast realising that there was a way for you to find out if the baby you were carrying belonged to Ransom.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Harlan’s voice cut through the fog and you looked at him, nodding.

Your face felt void of emotion but your mind and heart were overflowing in competitive thoughts, "is he going to live?"

“Yes,” Harlan nodded. “He's battered and bruised, lost a lot of blood but they've patched him up. Unlike your brother, his spleen remains in act and nothing else was damaged apart from some muscle in his rib cage.”

The shaky breath you inhaled opened up your emotions for your eyes to flood, "I want to see him."

Harlan nodded. “He’s sleeping at the moment, still undergoing the blood transfusion, but he’ll be glad to see you. I haven’t mentioned you were coming in case you changed your mind.”

"Where?"

"Upstairs, the guest room to the left after the landing," he softly spoke. “The one the pair of you usually, well, did usually stay in.”

"Thank you," you whispered. You'd only just stood when Harlan spoke your name. You waited for him to continue.

"Ransom has not made the best choices," he sighed, "but despite the unbearable act he's done to you, I know he loves you. I'm not trying to sway a decision for you, my dear. I only speak my truths with those I care for and you, no matter what, will always be a part of this family."

You swallowed, nodding as you licked your lips. “I…I still love him too, Harlan, but what I don’t know is whether if that’s gonna be enough, not after all this.”

Harlan seemed to have had an understanding for he only nodded once, dismissing you to go. So, with a deep breath, you headed up the grandiose staircase and turned to the left. You stopped at the cracked open door and closed your eyes. Your hands were shaking and your throat felt dry. Your eyes stung with salty tears but you took a steeling breath anyway and slowly cracked the door open enough for you to step in.

Looking small, feeble even, with his complexion pale, Ransom looked anaemic already. There was a canula under his nose along with a half full bag of blood which was being administered via IV into the back of his left hand. His body was covered by blankets and you stopped halfway between the door and the foot of the large bed, listening to the beeps and bleeps of the heart monitor.

His hair was out of place only a little, cuts and bruises, even dried blood was still visible and the sight worried and scared you. You swallowed the lump in your throat and closed the space between he and you. There was already a chair on his left side, presumably from Linda, whom no doubt had sat there to at least show face and play the part of worried mother so those on staff and the goons in and out of the house would buy into it. You didn't, not really.

You took a seat at his right side and glanced down at your shaking hands. They felt cold even by your own touch. Worrying them in your lap, you slowly looked up, your eyes roaming over your former lover and fiancé.

As you sat there you tried to figure out why had Ransom not corrected you when you’d said there could be no way to know which one of the brothers had fathered your unborn child.

Why would he lie? The only plausible reason you could think of was that he didn’t want to know, and he didn’t want you to know either. Was this some cruel attempt to keep control of you?

“If you keep it…I’ll support you. I’ll do whatever, be as involved as a father or as not involved as you want, but you’ll want for nothing. Either of you. Whatever you decide…”

Whatever you decide…

“Oh, Ran…” you sniffed, your hand reached for his right. You gently held it, your thumb skating softly over his bruises and split knuckles as you looked at his face. “This is such a fucking mess.”

*****

The beeping of his alarm was most certainly not welcome. Ransom was too warm, too comfortable.

There was a sleep laden grumble that wanted to force its way out of his throat but instead he grunted and slung his arm out to shut the damn thing off on his phone.

But his phone wasn’t there.

Odd.

Nevertheless, the noise stopped and he turned himself over onto his other side, and felt the tickle of hair on his face.

He cracked an eye open, in surprise more than anything. You were here. Back in his bed. After everything…

His brow twitched downward and his chest tightened a bit. He sat up onto his elbow and took you in fully.

You were led on your side, back to him, the bed covers pulled up to your chin. Your features soft as you slept.

His hand reached out to run a knuckle over your cheek but he stopped. What if he touched you and you melted away? What if he touched you and you just vanished. But he had to know. So, he curled his first and fingers, delicately dragging them over your cheekbone towards your ear and down your jaw. You were real, you were there. He knew so now, his fingers over your soft skin. So kept going, slowly down your neck, pulling back that bedding just a bit.

His hand paused at the crook of your shoulder, before it carried on, slipping underneath the comforter. He traced a line down your ribs, your naked body felt just as he remembered.

His heart filled with so many emotions. And those very emotions tickled his nose and made his eyes pool. His hand now opened wide and splayed over your little swollen belly.

The second his palm came to rest over the life which was growing inside of you, a long breath left his nose. It relaxed his chest and dropped his shoulders.

You stirred a little, your nose twitching in that adorable way it did when you were someplace between sleep and consciousness.

His thumb swept up and down over your skin. His eyes flicked between your face and what he was doing. His mind whirring.

How did he get to this? How was this possible? Did he die and now this is his purgatory?

A soft sigh left you as Ransom shuffled and snuggled into you as closely as he could get. He pressed his lips to your bare shoulder, inhaling deeply.

"Hi...." you whispered as your arm covered his as it wrapped over you.

“Hi, Princess…”

"You been up long?"

“No,” his lips brushed your skin again. “Just woke…”

You hummed a little smile.

“I love you.” He whispered, his lips moving to your neck.

"We love you too."

His lips curved into a smile against your skin before he sniffed. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

You were caught off guard by the comment, "why wouldn't I be?" You turned your body towards him a little more so as not to crane your neck so hard.

“Because I’m a no good, son of a bitch who treat you like shit.”

"What? Did you have a bad dream or something?" You grew concerned. "Ransom, are you okay?"

That was when he noticed it, the sparkle and twinkle on your left hand.

“I…I…I don’t know.” He whispered.

You turned completely over, "hey," you cupped his cheek with your left hand, "whatever it is, it's okay. I'm here, baby. You can tell me."

He sighed, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter…I have a feeling I’m dreaming now and…I just wanna stay here with you for as long as possible.”

You smiled warmly with a slight shake of your head. "Oh Ran...."

“I love you…and I’m so sorry…” he sniffed, as he pressed his lips to yours.

He couldn’t help the moan that escaped him. It had been so long since ha had last kissed you.

You pulled back just a breath's distance, "I don't know," you kissed him, "what you're sorry for," your lips ghosted his. "But I love you too." You kissed him one more time, "soon we won't get mornings like this."

“Let’s make the most of it…” he whispered, his lips back on yours as his hand cupped your cheek.

He felt you shiver a bit as you hummed at his touch.

His lips never left yours as he eased himself over you, a little more, his hand sliding down your body and coming to rest at your hip.

He gave his baby in your belly enough space as he held himself up with his free arm. That hand at your hip gently rubbed along your skin as he moved down your thigh. His strong hand curled under knee and lifted your leg over his hip, opening you up for him.

You sighed, your nails running lightly up his back, coming to rest in the shorter strands of his hair at the back. Your eyes met his, and he saw nothing but love. A stark contrast to the fear and hurt he had seen in them the last time you’d been under him.

"I love you so much," he whispered with tears in his eyes. "Forgive me, baby, please forgive me." He whimpered as he bent to kiss you again, "I'm so sorry." His final apology was spoke against your lips. And whilst he kissed you, he slipped into you.

He choked a little as your body responded to him. Your leg hooked round him, heel digging into his ass. Your head sank further into the pillows, leaving your neck bare for him to lavish affection on with his mouth and tongue.

You were made for him.

How could he have ever hurt you the way he had? Why had he ever doubted you? He was disgusted. Ashamed.

Walt hadn’t made him do that to you. Neither had Steve. He did it himself. Blinded by the hurt and anger, he’d brutally fucked you, despite you asking him not to.

Ransom knew this wasn’t real. Each thrust and roll of his hips was ecstasy but he knew, it was all in his head.

Or he was dead, and this was his new forever.

Either way, he didn’t want it to end.

There was a sharp pain in his side, one which made him hiss and close his eyes in discomfort. And when he opened them, your features were blurring, as if he was seeing them through a dirty window.

“No, please…don’t…don’t go…” he begged.

You opened your mouth, his name a whisper, your voice soft and faraway.

And then there was that damned alarm again. A persistent, annoying fucking beeping.

*****

Your eyes looked to the monitor as Ransom's heart rate had sped up. It worried you, your hand squeezing his.

“Ransom…” you spoke, your voice croaky. “Ran…”

"You came," he said hoarsely. Then he flinched as that searing pain came again.

“Yeah…” you squeezed his hand again, your heart thudding at the fact he was awake. “I did.”

“I didn’t…didn’t know if you would.” His speech was slow, quiet and you took a deep breath.

“Just take a moment, let me go find the doctor. I’m assuming he or she is around somewhere.”

His hand squeezed around yours, a silent plea for you to stay.

"I'll be right back, I promise."

You quickly headed out into the landing and called out for anyone. Fran immediately appeared from one of the other bedrooms and you looked at her.

“He’s awake…and he’s in a lot of pain.”

She nodded, “the doctor is in with Harlan, Linda and Richard, I’ll go get him.”

You nodded and return to Ransom's side. You knew a conversation needed to be had, but you weren't about to have it when doctors, and most likely his parents, were about to barge in.

"It'll be just a minute," you told him.

He nodded and lay back, his eyes closing.

“Can’t believe the cunt stabbed me.” He grumbled.

“Yeah, well, you killed him so…I’d say you came out on top.” You swallowed as you looked at your hand where it still held his.

The doctor and, as you predicted, Linda and Richard came in quickly. His mother gave you a jerk of her head, but Richard barely registered your existence not that you cared. You’d never given much of a shit about either of them to be honest.

You went to move from the chair to give them space. But Ransom's hold on your hand remained. You weren't going anywhere. You looked at him, squeezing right back, "It's okay."

You glanced up at the doctor, he wasn’t someone you recognised but it didn’t surprise you. The Thrombey firm had many a professional on its payroll, all of whom were willing to look the other way for backhanders.

You zoned out as he began to talk, instead your eyes simply focussed on your hand which was wrapped around Ransom’s battered one.

You inspected his knuckles, the bruises and the cuts that were raw and still covered with dried blood. In fact, you'd noticed that most of his still had some remnants of the blood bath he no doubt endured with his brother. You barely registered the doctor working on him and stepping away.

It was all a blur.

But what broke through was the stern tone he had with Linda when he told them to go. Your glance shot up from his hand to his face. That busted lip moved as he spoke again.

"I want to talk to Y/N, alone. I don't need the two of you squabbling and worrying with your bullshit feelings right now."

Linda took a deep breath. “Son, we’re just…it’s a big shock. You, here like this. Steve…Steve dead…”

"Go, Linda." He demanded.

“Ransom…” Harlan spoke from the door, his voice soft but stern.

Ransom groaned, “I’m sorry mom, but please. Go. I’ll see you in the morning.”

"Alright," she relented. Richard waled her out, his hands on her forearms. Harlan gave the two of you a nod and walked away.

Just before the doctor made his last check on Ransom, he spoke, "These won't take long to kick in. So, just so you're aware, you may nod off."

Ransom nodded.

Once the doctor was gone, you took a deep breath and turned back to him. You didn't know how to start, and maybe he didn't either. But the conversation needed to be had. So you started with the obvious. "Why?"

"It had to be done," he simply stated as if there were no other choice. "Walt and Steve both deserved it. This could have all been avoided." He settled himself with a wince. "Walt's wrecklessness caused a war. No matter what happens between you and I, I couldn't let Steve get away with what he'd done to you. I told Ari I’d kill him. And I did.”

“But I don’t understand, why did Walt arrange the hit in the first place?”

“Apparently he wanted the head seat and if he could frame me for Steve’s death it would lead the way. But…I don’t know, the more I think about it, the more I can’t understand it myself. But then Walt never was the sharpest tool in the box.”

"So this was over a seriously bent ego and power struggle?" You were deeply frowning as you registered Ransom’s explanation.

“That’s what Walt explained before Steve put a bullet in his head.”

You sighed. It hurt to think about all the logistics and how much damage was caused. How confusing even the smallest details were because of one man's jealousy. It trickled so far down the line that it had even affected you. Ari had become a target, he'd nearly died. And that assessment didn't even include what had happened to you. How Ransom had treated you, what he'd done to you. It was a lot to take in. But you had to press on, "And Steve? How..."

Ransom sighed, and looked up at the ceiling. “He…he figured it out. That you’re pregnant.” Ransom blinked heavily as he looked back to you. “When he stabbed me, he said he’d find you, and take you and the baby…and if it was the last thing I did, I wasn’t gonna let that happen. So I shot him. Same way be shot Walt, right between the eyes.”

You swallowed as Ransom took a deep breath, wincing a little as he did.

“And I don’t regret it. What I do regret is the fact I hurt you, that I…I forced myself on you the way I did. I should have listened and believed you…and I’ll never forgive myself.”

You bowed your head and sighed. Your words stuck to your tongue like glue on a paper. You weakly nodded and lifted your eyes to meet his.

“I know, we never really talked about kids, I just thought it would be something we figured out together along the way. But…I meant what I said.” Ransom licked his lips, “I’ll support you in anyway that you want or need. I’m not expecting you to forgive me for what I did. I don’t expect you to take me back. But, if you wanna keep the baby, I’ll be there for you both.

“Even if it isn’t yours?” You asked softly.

As his eyes looked at yours, he blinked slowly. “You know, don’t you? About me and Steve, how we’re not…”

You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?.”

Ransom licked his lips. “I was scared…” He took a deep breath, a grimace on his face. “I should have, but…I was scared that if you knew, you’d want to find out…and then I’d…I don’t know, if I could could…” he shook his head, “So, instead, whilst I still had hope that one day you could forgive me, then…I guess I didn’t want to know. Because whilst I didn’t for sure, then there would be a chance it is mine and for that reason alone I’d be able to love it like it is. But I see…you have a right to. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry.”

In that split second, as you looked at his battered and bruised face, his eyes filled with remorseful tears, you suddenly realised there and what you wanted.

You didn’t truly understand why, after everything that happened but you did. You loved him, and the simple fact was you’d never love another in the same way. So, if Ransom was willing to go through life bringing up and loving you and your child, a child that may or may not be his, then who were you to stop him? Why would you deny your child a father? And why would you deny yourself the love of a man who you still loved with all your heart.

You didn’t need to know and, moreover, you didn’t want to know. It might be an ultimately selfish decision, but seeing as there hadn’t been a single thing in the shit show that had been your life for the last two months or so that you had been able to control, you were taking this one for yourself.

“I wanna keep it,” you spoke softly. “You’re right, the likelihood is that it is yours. And that’s…that’s good enough for me, if it is for you…”

“Y/N…” Ransom let out a little choked sob, and you sniffed, shushing him gently.

“I want you to be a part of its life.” You took his hand and kissed his knuckles, “and I want you to be a part of my life, too.”

#brothers in arms #mob ransom drysdale x reader #mob Ransom Drysdale x you #mob ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale #ransom Drysdale x you #Ransom Drysdale x reader #mob au #reader insert #chris evans characters

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stardustbarbarians · 1 year

Text

Been Here All Along

A Danielle Wagner / Samantha Kiszka fic

Summary: Dani wished Sammi could see that she belongs with her.

Tags: girl van fleet (thank you @ofthecaravel), fluff, pining, angst

Trigger warning: mentions of cheating

A/N: Y'all know what this is. Title taken You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift.

Words: 5.6 k

+++

“Hanson, it was a joke!” Sammi cried out as she ran her hand through her hair. Dani watched from the floor as she paced back and forth, becoming more and more distressed as her conversation with her boyfriend escalated into an argument.

This happened every fucking time. Each conversation between Sammi and her douchebag boyfriend always spiraled into an argument of some sort. And almost every time, Dani was there to witness the fallout. She’d even gotten good enough to predict just what would piss Hanson off; most of the time it was a joke Sammi made, sometimes she just said something in a “tone” he didn’t like. Dani, catching her best friend’s eye and seeing the frustrated emotion swelling in them, just sighed deeply and gave her a sympathetic smile. She glanced down at the Guitar World magazine she was flipping through - the issue Janie was featured on the cover - unable to bear seeing that deeply buried pain swirling in Sammi’s eyes. It made Dani’s chest hurt.

“I’m done! Call me back when you decide to grow up and stop name-calling!” Sammi slammed her phone down onto her dresser, causing the Olivia Rodrigo record to skip a beat. She only ever listened to Sour with Dani. Hanson thought Olivia Rodrigo was “too popular” and didn’t want to hear Sam play it around him. Truth was, Miss Rodrigo’s songs were written about guys exactly like him and it made him uncomfortable.

Dani watched Sammi tilt her head back and scream in frustration. Her back was turned to Danielle, her long chestnut hair concealing the moth tattoo she knew was on her best friend’s upper back. Dani had a matching one in the same spot, her hand reaching up and rubbing at it subconsciously. Sammi didn’t speak for a moment, too busy silently fuming over her dickhead boyfriend.

“He’s so fucking childish!” Samantha squawked out at Dani, dramatically turning on her heel to face her bandmate. Her hair whipped around as well, collecting all on one shoulder. The brown, wavy locks were a stark contrast to her canary yellow, ribbed tank top. It was Dani’s favorite on her: the color complimented her well and it showed off her tattoos. It also prominently showed off Sammi’s nipple piercings when she wasn’t wearing a bra… like right now. Hanson hated them.

That was another argument they got into that Dani witnessed. He claimed that Sammi was being too “provocative” and screamed about how she wanted the whole world to see her nipples. He was a fucking prude. Sammi liked the piercings and that’s all that mattered… They were also hot as hell so that was an added bonus.

“What did Hannibal say this time?” Dani flipped the magazine closed and set it to the side, giving Sam her full attention.

“I asked you not to call him that,” Sammi reminded, her entire body flopping onto the floor like a puppet whose strings were cut, leaning her back against the dresser. There wasn’t any real heat behind it, more a token protest than anything. She’d never admit it, but Dani knew Sammi thought the nickname was hilarious. There was even a smile threatening to break out on Sammi’s lips, one corner tugging up slightly as she ducked her head.

“Well, you still haven’t been able to convince me that the pork chops he made once weren’t human meat,” Dani continued, hoping to get her bandmate out of the foul mood that dick put her in.

“Just like how you haven’t been able to tell me how you know what human meat tastes like,” Samantha retorted, no longer fighting the smile spreading across her lip gloss-clad, beautiful, full lips.

“You missed that day at band camp,” Danielle darkly implied, barely able to keep her act together. She fully broke when Sam snorted out a laugh, covering her mouth with a manicured hand. The two shared a good laugh, sighing contently as their giggling died down. Dani watched as Sammi’s face darkened, her thoughts no doubt turning to the spat she just got into with Hannibal.

“He called me ‘insensitive’ and a ‘cold-hearted bitch’,” Sammi divulged, her head falling against the dresser with a small thud, her throat exposed. She brought a knee up before wrapping her arms around it, Dani taking a moment to admire her tattoo sleeves. They were so perfectly Sammi that it made her smile a little each time she saw them. But there was no smiling from Danielle.

“All because you asked ‘how was your sports-ball match’?” Dani had to strain herself so hard to keep her rage at bay. On top of pretending to be a musician, Hanson played in a beer league for baseball. And, in case you were wondering, he was mediocre at that, as well.

Sammi sighed, her eyes fluttering shut. Dani watched as her throat bobbed as Sammi swallowed. She didn’t have an answer to what Dani asked.

Dani had a choice. Either she has a serious conversation about how awful Hanson is, or she jokes about it with her.

“Another point towards him being a cannibal. They don’t have a sense of humor, y’know.”

Sammi wouldn’t hear Dani’s argument. They’d had it a million times. It always ended with them both getting so mad at each other that they didn't speak for hours. Danielle just wished she knew why Sammi defended him so much. What did she see in him that made her so blind to all of his red flags? He was about as average as they fucking come.

Sammi scoffed out a laugh, her head resting against her knee. Dani was able to catch a glimpse of her smile, making one spread on her lips as well. The two burst into a fit of laughter again, Dani’s heart soaring at the sound of her best friend’s giggles.

“God. Sometimes I wish Hanson were more like you,” the bassist admitted with a sigh, a sad smile in her eyes as she locked eyes with the drummer.

Why waste your time when you could have exactly me

“Like, you just get me. I never have to worry about saying the wrong thing to you… and I feel like I can just be myself,” Sammi continued, her tone growing softer with each word.

“Gee, Sammi. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’ve got a crush,” Dani joked, dramatically placing her hands on her hips and tilting her head towards the bassist. She prayed to anything out there that could hear her that her blinding smile was enough to distract from the way her heart was racing.

Rolling her eyes, Sammi couldn’t tamp down the smile she was fighting. She kicked out her foot and tipped Dani over, the drummer making an over the top squawk as she fell to the floor. Her arms sprawled out on the hardwood, Dani’s tongue flopping out of her mouth like a cartoon dead person. Sammi caught sight of Dani’s playboy bunny tongue piercing, the faux diamonds catching the light.

“Shut up, you.”

“Can’t hear you, I’m dead.”

Sammi hummed, Dani cracking an eye open to catch her best friend crossing her arms. She knew that look on Sammi’s face, that smirk growing on her face meaning nothing but trouble. Dani had no time to stop her bandmate from stretching out her arms and digging her fingers into Dani’s sides.

“NO!” Dani screeched as soon as Sammi made contact, fighting to get away from her tickling. It was no use. Sammi had freakishly long arms and fingers that were very adept at playing bass and keys as well as tickling.

After a few minutes of Danielle snorting and chortling at the hands of Sammi, the bassist finally relented.

“Huh, I guess you weren’t dead after all.”

“Fuck off.” There was no heat behind it at all. In fact, Dani was ashamed of how fond she sounded to her own ears. She even felt the love-sick smile on her face, but that didn't mean she could help it.

She’d been through fighting her feelings for Sammi around seventh grade, having come to terms with her sexuality around that time. At first, it was a question of “do I like girls? Or is it just Sammi?” Turns out, it wasn’t just Sammi; though she had been the reason she was questioning in the first place. But when she caught an episode of Pretty Little Liars one night and had a… reaction to seeing Shay Mitchell making out with another girl, that’s when she knew. Well, several “am I gay?” tests later, she knew.

That’s also when she realized she had a type.

“Do you wanna get veggie burgers and take Rosie for a walk?”

Dani could never say no to Sammi. No matter how much she hated veggie burgers.

“Yeah, I’m starving.”

+++

“Hey, Sammi Sweetheart. How’s my stunning girlfriend today?” Hanson wrapped a possessive arm around his girlfriend’s waist, locking eyes with Danielle as he placed a kiss on Samantha’s cheek. Dani felt a deep-seeded jealousy churn in her gut as Sammi giggled loudly and beamed at the action and his greeting.

He always dangled Sammi in front of her. Like now. He pointed a shit eating grin directly at Dani as he pulled Sammi against his side. Dani quickly flipped him the bird before Sam had the chance to look over at her. She hated Hannibal, that greasy little rat. She’d witnessed the fallout of his treatment towards her too many times, having to hold Sammi through the early morning hours while she sobbed after a nasty argument with him. He knew Dani hated him… he also knew that Dani didn’t see Sammi as just her best friend. She wasn’t exactly sure when or how Hanson had figured that one out given he had about as many brain cells as an amoeba, but ever since then he’s made it his goal to flaunt his relationship just to spite Dani every chance he got.

It made Dani see red every time.

It also made her wonder just what Sammi was to that fucking creep.

“Wonderful now that I'm with you,” Sammi answered, directing her smile up at Hanson. He gave it back to her, but the smile never reached his eyes.

“Amazing. So, did you see my set last night? You made a post about it like I asked, right?” he asked with barely a breath between his response and the question.

Dani felt a fiery rage barrel its way through her veins as she watched Sammi’s smile fall. It was such a beautiful thing to lose that Dani was already grieving the loss of her personal brand of sunshine.

“Oh… well, yeah-”

“Hi, Hanson. So great to see you again,” Jos interrupted, sticking her hand out towards the amateur musician with a huge forced smile plastered on her face. It reminded Dani of the time Jos tried to run for Mayor of Frankenmuth as a joke and went around “campaigning”.

The confusion on his face only lasted for a beat, but hell if it wasn’t satisfying to see him falter. He quickly schooled his face before pulling his arm out from around Sammi’s waist and shook Jos’s hand. “Nice to see you too.”

The disgust on her face was easy to miss if you didn’t know Joselyn well. But forever fiercely protective of her youngest sister, Jos would go through hell to help Sammi. That included getting her out of whatever uncomfortable situation her shitty boyfriend put her in. Dani was forever grateful for Jos, for if she herself had stepped in, there would be violence.

“Greetings, Hanny. Let’s get rolling, shall we?” Janie spared a half-hearted wave towards Hannibal before pushing the door of the recording studio open, her eyebrows raised over her dark sunglasses. She was never concerned with punctuality unless it involved being around Hanson; it always made Dani snort. He also famously hated any nickname given to him.

Hanson’s smile strained just a bit at being rushed but made no protests as he walked through the door. Sammi trailed behind him, sending the twins a thankful smile as she passed them.

“What a fucking skeeze,” Jos muttered to Dani once the happy couple were out of earshot.

“An absolute scumbag,” Janie added, shaking her head as they all watched him stop Sammi and take a picture of them together in front of the recording room they booked. Dani knew without a doubt that would end up all over his socials within a few days, flaunting that he was dating the Samantha Francessca Kiszka of Greta Van Fleet. Y’know, bass/keyboard player from the world renowned and critically acclaimed rock band that is shaking the music industry. Dani could not keep the sneer off her face as she watched him use her to boost his own career.

And the worst part was, she was letting him exploit her name and reputation. Sammi was aware on some level that she was being used by Hanson, but this revelation didn’t happen until recently. At first, she was blissfully unaware. But as the months went on, she slowly started to notice how he made sure to take as many pictures with her as possible and get into fights with her fans online.

“Sammi, you know what he’s doing, right?” Dani broke down around the seven month mark of their relationship. She would’ve said something earlier, but she was going through a breakup with Malcom at the time and wasn’t really paying attention.

The bone deep sigh from Sammi filled the still summer night air. The two of them had escaped into the backyard of the cabin the four of them had rented. They were working on their newest album together, escaping to nature to fully get into the creative process. Jos and Janie were doing their own thing- reenacting Shakespeare of all things - and the younger two decided to slip away. The bassist looked up at the sky, her grown out hair slipping off her shoulders. The drummer was briefly reminded of the year prior when Sammi got her hair chopped. She showed up on Dani’s doorstep with a giddy yet nervous smile on her face, wanting to know her opinion. Dani loved it, of course. Sammi always looked good, no matter what.

“Yeah…” The bassist’s voice cracked under the weight of the emotions flooding her body. Dani watched her eyes flutter; she was blinking back tears. Despite the warmth and humidity in the air, Dani’s blood turned to ice within her veins.

The drummer swallowed thickly to clear her throat of the emotion in her own throat. “Then… Then why are you still with him?”

Sammi quickly stole a glance at Dani just fast enough for the latter to catch the stars glittering in the unshed tears in her eyes, the bassist forcing her eyes down to the grass that they sat on. It was quiet enough that Dani could hear the way Sammi’s throat clicked as she swallowed.

“Sometimes you’ve got to settle for second best when what you want the most is unattainable,” Samantha whispered, still refusing to look at Dani. She was playing with a long blade of grass, twirling the plant around her fingers.

Danielle knew there was something more that Sammi was trying to say, but she couldn’t read between the lines no matter how desperately she scanned the page.

That look on Sammi’s face that night under the stars was all Dani could think of as she watched her pull a strained smile for yet another picture Hannibal wanted with her. The broken hope hidden deep within those amber brown eyes… almost like it was heartbreak. When Hanson lowered his phone, Sammi glanced over at Dani, her smile dropping. Not just her smile, but her whole guard dropped as she gazed into her bestfriend’s eyes. That mask she always wore around her boyfriend slipped. It revealed a desperate look, a soul-deep yearning from Sammi projected out at Dani.

She’s longing for something better

Why Sammi thought Dani was the one who would be able to save her was beyond Dani. But she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to be the one to do it.

+++

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Dani was rudely ripped out of her dream about her band playing a huge show in Tokyo that was televised around the world by loud incessant knocking. Praying that she just was hearing things, she flipped over and cozied back down into her sheets.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

So, she wasn’t hearing things.

With a frustrated growl, Dani threw off the covers. She groggily checked her phone for the time, groaning when the numbers read 3:41 AM. That’s when she noticed all the notifications from Sammi. 20+ texts, 7 calls, and 3 voicemails.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Dani looked over at the door to her apartment, her phone buzzing in her hand. She didn’t have to look to know it was Sammi texting her again. If she were more awake, all that in combination would make her very concerned. But as it was, she was more focused on making sure she didn’t stumble over her laundry on her floor in the dark.

Rubbing her face with her free hand briefly, she then reached for the door and wrenched it open. The wind from the door opening blew back her loose curls that fell from her haphazard at a bun. Dani had to blink a few times before registering that it was Sammi standing on the other side of it. It took her even longer to notice the tears streaming down her face.

Dani couldn’t process anything but panic before her best friend threw her arms around her, Dani’s heart sinking to the floorboards at the sight. Sammi sobbed into Dani’s shoulder loudly, hiccupping for air and clutching onto the drummer. Dani immediately wrapped her arms around Sam, closing the door with her foot. For a moment, the two stood in the hallway; Sammi crying and Dani attempting to soothe her by stroking her hair.

Danielle didn’t ask any questions. She knew Sammi would tell her when she was ready to. For now, Dani understood that she needed comfort. So, she nestled Sammi in close and rested her head against Sam’s, standing there for god knows however long.

Finally, Sammi pulled away, her glassy red eyes still brimming with tears. She wiped her face with her shirt, pulling the hem up to reveal her belly button piercing and hip tattoo. She held the fabric there, her breath shaky as she attempted to pull herself together. Dani rubbed her shoulder tenderly, her brow knit as she took in the sight of her distraught best friend. Now that she was more cognizant, Dani was able to fully grasp the gravity of the situation.

Sammi finally dropped her shirt from her face, sniffling loudly. Without looking at Dani, she kicked off her shoes. Though when she did lock eyes with the drummer, Dani’s heart shattered into thousands of pieces. The unadulterated hurt that swam in them…

“Oh, Sammi. What’s wrong, honey?”

Despite the dim light of the hallway, Dani could still see the fresh set of tears that were triggered by the question fall down her cheeks. Her face contorted to a mask of sorrow before she lurched forward into her band mate’s arms once more. Dani felt horrible for asking.

“Oh, angel, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to make you more upset-”

Sammi just shook her head, her hands clutching at Dani’s loose-fitting crop top as she sobbed into it. It’s not your fault

“H-Here. How about we sit down. Is that ok?” Dani’s tone was so soft, just merely above a whisper. She’d felt so lost, always feeling useless when it came to comforting people. She worried about making it worse for Sammi, somehow upsetting her more.

Sam pulled away slowly, nodding her head as she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. The two settled onto Dani’s sofa, the owner flipping the lights on and sliding the dimmer all the way down after the back of her eyes throbbed in pain at the brightness. Dani made sure to sit close to Sammi, at least within an arm’s length in case she needed physical comfort once again. Sammi was curled up in a ball on the cushions, her knees pulled up to her chest with her tattooed arms wrapped around her legs.

After heaving a big sigh, Sammi finally revealed why she was so upset. “I caught Hanson sleeping with another woman.”

I fucking knew it

That was the first thought that ran through Dani’s mind at the news. She had been suspecting this was something he was doing for a while; at the very least, she knew he was capable of it. Dani had never been so upset that she was right in her life. He was a scumbag loser and Dani was already plotting how to get away with cutting his dick off and feeding it to him. Janie and Jos would cover for her, give her an alibi. There was no way in hell she’d be able to get to him with his guard down. He must’ve known Dani would be the first person Sammi would go to about this, so she’d have to just storm his house. He was a little bitch, she’d have no problem overpowering him-

“Dani?”

Danielle was ripped from her thoughts of assault by Sammi’s voice. It was so soft, a slight crack to it when she said the “a” in Dani’s name. A pang lanced itself through the drummer like an arrow was shot through her chest. She was so caught up in her own rage she failed to be there for her best friend and it made her feel awful.

Instead of saying anything, she simply pulled Sammi into a hug, resting her head against her chest. Sammi instantly coiled her arms tightly around Dani, pressing her face into the crook of her band mate’s neck. All Dani could do was gently rub Sam’s back, her other hand cupping the back of the bassist’s head.

The two sat there for… well, god knows how long. All Dani knew was that - despite the way her eyes felt like they were sinking into her skull from the weight of her fatigue - she was willing to stay there until the end of time. Although, she was wishing she was wearing something more than a loose fitting crop top and her underwear. It wasn’t exactly the best attire for such an emotional moment like this.

“I thought he loved me…” Sammi lamented between sobs, her words slightly muffled.

Dani’s arms tightened around the bassist on their own accord, her heart lurching forward in her chest as if it was attempting to become physically closer to its love. Dani’s throat became dry; she knew he didn’t actually love Sammi. He just loved her fame. But she couldn’t say that to Sam.

“I’m so sorry, love,” Dani whispered, meaning every word. She truly was sorry for how horribly her boyfriend treated her and how he was using her. She wished that she could just take Sammi out of this horrible situation; to shoulder all her sorrow and heartbreak she was currently going through so that Sammi was able to live on without knowing pain. She was willing to take on whatever burden life threw at Sam if it meant she would remain unscarred. Hell, she’d lasso the moon down for Sammi if only she asked for it.

But Dani couldn’t say that. How could she? How could she put into words that a mere smile from Sammi was enough to make Dani’s entire world shift beneath her feet; every time she so much as caught a glimpse of Sammi, it took the breath right out of her lungs? That Dani’s entire world revolved around her?

Instead, she simply cradled the heartbroken woman in her arms. She placed a kiss on the top of that beautiful head of silky, chestnut hair, closing her eyes as she did so. And she started plotting.

+++

“NEW YORK!!” Jos screamed into the mic, her voice amplified in the huge stadium. The crowd cheered as she shouted the name of the city and state they were currently playing in. It was a sold out show. That meant they were playing in front of a crowd of over 20,000.

Oh. And that wasn’t even mentioning the camera crew that was filming their every move for a documentary they were releasing for this tour. Dani was used to feeling watched, but that made her feel like a bug under a microscope. That was until the band walked on stage to the deafening roar of their adoring audience four times larger than the population of their hometown.

Dani, covered in body glitter, waved at them all. Her stage attire was so different to what she normally wore. Currently, she was wearing what mimicked a bikini - black bottoms with a bedazzled playboy bunny on the front under her belly button that sloped upwards to connect to a silver bra piece. She wore black latex gloves from her mid palms to mid bicep. Her legs were clad in bedazzled fishnets. She blew kisses at the cameras… maybe at Sammi as well. But how could you not? She was dressed in only what Dani would classify as a “revenge outfit”. She wore navy satin flare pants with a white zipper down the center which she left about half undone to expose her playboy belly button piercing. Her top was a corset made out of that same satin blue, her boobs completely out. The only thing that slightly kept her modesty were the black nipple pasties in the shape of a heart on each one. She wore matching latex gloves as Dani, both of them having a moment before the show started wherein they shared their excitement over matching. And then Dani took on Sam’s full look and all the moisture in her mouth traveled down south.

“You all have been an impeccable crowd. Truly, we couldn’t have asked for a better one tonight. This has been a dream for all of us to play Madison Square Gardens for years and we are all so blessed to live that dream with all of you,” Joselyn rambled in order to let the rest of the band catch their breath and walk off stage before the encore.

Dani ran off to chug some water. The fire that belched from their stage went off right behind her, causing her to sweat profusely. But as she looked back on the stage to catch Jos descending the stairs, Sammi stayed on stage. She hadn’t taken off her bass, either, the strap still pressing into her shoulder. Instead of walking toward the stairs, Sammi instead went for Jos’s mic stand. Dani instantly set her drink down and made for the stairs, stopping short when Sammi glanced over at her with that smirk that meant nothing but trouble.

“How’s everybody doing tonight, huh?” the bassist asked, pulling the mic from its stand and walking up and down the stage. The crowd responded in a chorus of cheers, causing Sammi’s smile to grow.

“That’s what I like to hear! Now, I know we like to play this little game where we pretend to leave and then come back and play a few more songs-”

That was the plan we made for the documentary, Samantha. Why are you fucking it up??

“-but, considering I don’t really feel like going backstage currently, I thought I’d play a little solo for y’all instead. How’s that sound?” She pulled the mic away from her mouth and pointed at the crowd. It wasn’t needed. The roaring of the crowd was loud enough to be heard from a different state. Sammi winced at the volume, but her smile didn’t dim in the slightest.

“Well, I better stop yapping and get to that, huh?” The mic picked up Sam’s giggle, the warm sound barely audible over the excited screams from the audience. She quickly put Jos’s mic back on its stand and glanced back at Dani one more time before strumming a chord on her bass.

“Don’t feel like going backstage”... But, why?

Danielle whipped her head around at the sound of something dropping. As she did, she noticed Hanson standing behind her.

Ah. That’s why.

Dani quickly whipped her head back around when she heard Sammi begin her solo, feeling the bass rumble through her body with each note. It was the first time she was really able to experience Sammi’s instrument like this. Normally when it was cranked up this loud, she was behind her kit. Sammi was glowing. Capturing the attention of everybody there and holding it without any wavering. It was clear how much she was able to hone her craft, her high skill level on full display.

Sammi was lost in her own world. The second coming of the Lord could’ve happened and Samantha would’ve kept playing. People oftentimes mistook Sammi and Janie as twins. Dani never really got it. But now, witnessing Sammi get so lost in her music and making magic from her strings, Dani finally saw it.

She suddenly became overwhelmed with a feeling of desire; both carnal and romantic. She became so swept up in her longing that she hardly realized she was climbing the steps to go on stage. Dani barely registered the increase in applause as she bathed in the stage lights, the crowd able to see her glittering under the glowing lights. Sammi didn’t notice her at all. She was so caught up in her performance. But she was so breathtaking. Her long hair had stuck to her face in places where her sweat accumulated, her face flush from the heat and exhaustion of performing, and her mouth hung open as she panted for breath. Dani stared for a moment, aware of the awe on her face as she caught a glimpse of herself on the big screen.

The big screen…

Her mind jumped to a few nights ago when Sammi had come into her apartment sobbing over a shattered heart. She recalled her plans to make Hanson pay for what he did to her darling Sweetheart Sammi. Now was the perfect opportunity.

Stepping up behind the bassist, Dani slid her hands around Sammi’s exposed chest. She didn’t halt them until they rested on the heart-shaped pasties, fanning her fingers out slightly as she pressed Sammi’s backside to her front. Dani knew every camera and set of eyes were on them now if they weren’t before.

For the first time that night, Sammi played a sour note. It rang out in the arena as her fingers flew off the bass string to Dani’s hands. However, she made no attempts to remove them. Rather, Sammi pressed them harder into her flesh. Dani glanced over at the stadium screen, noting how red Sam’s face had become. But, there was no missing the satisfied smile across her candy apple red lips.

Knowing it was now or never, Dani powered through her nerves as she lowered her hands to Sammi’s hips. They were shaking furiously as she spun her bandmate around to be face to face, her heart thudding so hard she thought it was going to burst. Swallowing thickly, she closed her eyes and leaned in.

Sammi lips tasted like apples, the liquid lipstick she used aptly named “Red Delicious”. Beyond that, they were soft - save for one spot she liked to chew when she got nervous. But that made it better; that made it authentic. If it weren't for that, Dani might’ve thought she was dreaming. She really came close to believing she was dreaming when Sammi lifted her hand up to caress Dani’s cheek and feel her smile into the kiss. That’s when the drummer’s ears started to ring, barely drowning out the thunderous roar of the audience. However, it was just loud enough to cause Dani to crack an eye open to see the stadium cameras panning over to where Sammi’s boyfriend was stationed backstage. He wore a look of pure shock and disgust on his face, an unfair volition swirling in his eyes.

Closing her eyes once again, Dani slid one hand to the small of Sam’s back to pull her in closer. With the other, she flipped the bird towards where she knew Hanson was standing. He stormed off, she would later find out, to lose his 15 minutes of fame from riding the coattails of Sammi’s career. The only recognition he would ever gain was by his reaction being edited into the documentary of their concert.

“Ahem.” Sammi and Dani finally pulled apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat filtering through the arena speakers. They still held one another close as they both glanced over to where the twins were standing; Janie with a dumbfounded look on her face and Joselyn with her hands on her lips, a proud smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

“Well, folks. You just witnessed what we’ve been waiting to see for over ten years. History in the making, you could call it,” Jos spoke, addressing the crowd. Dani could feel her face heat up, her skin no doubt a glowing shade of red. However, that didn’t dim her blinding smile in the slightest.

“That was one hell of an encore.” Jos swung back around to look at the rhythm section, mouthing “proud of you” at both of them and blowing a kiss.

And she was right. Not only did their documentary make record sales, but that moment made history; being written about in headlines for decades to come.

+++

I did it for the girls and the gays and the theys

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whump-me · 6 months

Text

Obscure: Chapter 9

Chapter 9 of Obscure, novel-length interrogation whump about a rebel leader who can erase memories with a thought, an interrogator who can see inside his subjects’ minds… and the connection they share that neither of them suspects.

Masterpost | the Mind Games universe | Read the completed novel on Patreon

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Elias

Every day, the hard metal chair bit into Elias’s legs a little more. Every day, the reflection of the harsh light off the table stabbed a little deeper into his brain. Every day, the world felt a little foggier, his thoughts a little muddier. A product of his lack of sleep. That cot in his room—or call it what it was, his cell—was no better than sleeping on the floor. When he did sleep, he dreamed of Sammy, or occasionally of Max. His dreams were not restful.

It was a small consolation that Kirill looked as if he hadn’t slept well either. His eyes had lost a little of their sharpness, his stance a little of its rigidity. Of course, he had put on that act before. Elias had vowed not to fall for it again. But this time, it looked like Kirill was trying to hide his exhaustion. And that told Elias it was likely real.

What was keeping Kirill awake? Elias hoped it was his question—the question the man hadn’t been able to answer. Who was he under his endless number of masks? Who was this person who had joined PERI willingly to work against his own kind?

Elias didn’t let himself think too long about why he wanted to know. He didn’t let himself wonder who else he was trying to understand.

“Sammy.” Kirill let the name hang in the air. He said nothing else.

As if the name alone would be enough to make the memories spill out of him. But even as he thought it, the memories came, half a dozen in quick succession—birthday party, a skinned knee, a mouthful of baby food spit clear across the room.

Elias blinked away the images and focused on Kirill’s eyes. “A child like you,” he countered. “But you don’t know who you were as a child, do you?” Tit for tat. If Kirill wanted to play press-the-emotional-button, it was only fair for Elias to play, too.

“Not like me,” Kirill said. “I joined by choice. It was an act when I said otherwise. One you fell for.”

“I won’t make that mistake again.”

“You won’t need to worry about it,” said Kirill. “Everything I say from now on will be the truth. We’ve recalled your son from his current operation. He’s here right now, waiting to find out the reason for his change in assignment. We can tell him his recall was an unfortunate mistake, and administrative error, and send him on his way.” He paused. “Or we can hurt him.”

The words were a knife. They tore open Elias’s memory center, and Elias bled.

He bled images of Sammy as an infant, and the woman curled in the corner of his bunker with burn scars up and down her arms.

He bled Sammy at two years old, and a man dragged away screaming through an abandoned industrial park as Elias watched helplessly, the man’s eyes warning him to stay hidden.

Sammy at four, and a corpse facedown in brackish water, her skin pockmarked with electrical burns, her eyes gouged from her head.

Sammy at six—

Elias took a shaky breath. Then another.

“I shook you up that badly yesterday, did I?” His voice trembled. So did his hands.

“Don’t give yourself so much credit. I set the recall in motion yesterday morning, before we spoke.” Kirill gave him a thin smile that wasn’t a smile. “I told you I wouldn’t let you play cat and mouse forever.”

The memories kept going. His shaky breathing exercises couldn’t hold them at bay. He tried anyway.

Inhale for four, exhale for four.

Sammy at eight.

Inhale for four, exhale for four.

A man staring into his eyes in the bunker, eyes haunted. I was with them for two years. Do you know the kinds of things they do to make a person cooperate?

Inhale. Exhale.

He clung to his breaths like a rope thrown to a drowning man. The rope slid from his hands like it was only more water. So he clung to something else instead. Those pale gray eyes. He reached for Kirill’s mind, clawing his way in, all subtlety gone.

The electric shock, when it came, was a relief. It burned the memories from his mind, along with his concentration.

For a few seconds.

“No more of that,” said Kirill. “If you try it again, I’ll make sure your son gets every shock I delivered to you.”

“You’ll hurt him anyway,” said Elias, even as he knew he would never try to obscure Kirill again.

“Only if you don’t cooperate.” Kirill’s voice cut like a knife through the images flashing through Elias’s mind. But it did nothing to stop the memories. “I’ll need the names of everyone who works with you, in order of seniority. The locations of your safehouses. The different branches of your network, their responsibilities, and the complete chain of command for each.”

Safehouses. His mind was already in the bunker, and it stayed there, all the details sharpening until they stood out sharper than real life.

He willed his memory to remain in the bunker, tried to concentrate on every detail—reading the titles of the books in the bookshelf, counting the squares of the quilt. But his treacherous mind, fueled by emotion and steered by Kirill’s suggestion, moved on.

It moved to the second floor of a small doctor’s office in a strip mall two states away. Elias had never been there personally, but he had seen pictures. Those pictures flashed through his mind now in a series of still images. Half a dozen cots; cabinets crammed full of scavenged medical equipment. Scarred patients with haunted eyes.

On the rare occasion they could rescue someone from one of PERI’s research facilities, that was where they sent them for treatment and rehabilitation. Their survival rate was almost sixty percent. Elias was told that was impressive.

His memory moved on again, to a circle of cabins at the end of a logging road, deep in a forest so thick the sunniest days were shadowed. A community where people could stay over the medium-term—one year, two, sometimes even five—when they didn’t have the resources to flee, or wouldn’t be safe even under an assumed name.

Elias had visited a handful of times. It reminded him a little of home, even though his home had been wide-open meadows and long, low ranch houses built from scratch. Every time, he had wished he could stay. But it would have put the people there in danger, and they were at enough to risk as it was. And he had his own life waiting for him at the farmhouse.

That thought brought his memory to the farmhouse. He clung to the familiar images with relief. Walking inside with Laina for the first time, carrying her across the threshold like she was a new bride, even though they had been married for almost five years by then. The first breakfast he had cooked in that kitchen, eggs and bacon, presenting it to Laina with a flourish and saying they were real farmers now. Laina had laughed at him, reminded him that he had bought those eggs and that bacon at the grocery store, and that they were growing apples, not keeping chickens or pigs.

Their first fight in the farmhouse, two weeks later, when she had broached the subject she had sworn not to bring up, dropping hints about how the house was awfully big for just the two of them. He embraced the memory. He would take anything, no matter how painful, as long as Kirill couldn’t do anything with it.

Then he breathed away the memory, and let it go.

He had won.

This round.

“Spoken answers would save us the trouble of tracking down those locations,” said Kirill. “The more you give us, the less your son will suffer.”

At the mention of Sammy, the memory-wound tore open. Elias struggled to breathe. “You’d hurt him so easily? I thought he was one of yours now.”

“He is. But your information is worth more. And we have a plan in place to handle the aftermath.”

The last word, spoken in the cold tones of Kirill’s current persona, curdled Elias his stomach and set loose another gout of fear-memories. “Aftermath? You mean the body?” He pictured Sammy, the age he had seen him last, but lying on the ground cold and dead. The image that had plagued his nightmares until he found out the truth.

But that was imagination, not memory. So Kirill got nothing. His pale eyes remained clear and focused.

Kirill shook his head. “PERI prefers not to waste valuable resources. We won’t kill him. Not unless you make it necessary.” He smiled. It didn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe not even then. He’s more useful to us alive, even if we’re only using him as a weapon against you. Once he’s dead, there’s nothing more we can do to him.”

Elias stared into those cold eyes. There had to be a person in there somewhere. There had been once. That child Kirill claimed he didn’t care about remembering. The one who, in the grip of grief, had made a Faustian bargain.

“Is that how you see yourself?” Elias asked. “As a resource? There’s no difference between him and you, you know. Or do you think they see you differently because you joined voluntarily? They don’t.”

Elias didn’t have to know Kirill personally to know that much. He knew his enemy. He had studied them for the past fifteen years.

Kirill showed no reaction. “The addresses of your safehouses,” he said. “The names of your subordinates, and their areas of responsibility.” He nodded down at Elias’s wrist. “For your son, we’ll start with a shock bracelet like yours. Then we’ll move on to worse.”

“You don’t need to give specifics. I’ve seen what you can do.” Elias forced the words out like a talisman against memory. A distraction. It didn’t work. The memories squeezed out around the edges of his focus.

Lark Albright, who had only agreed to go into hiding on the condition that she could join his work. Annemarie and Nabor Eichmann, who had lost their child and wanted to make their loss mean something. Kevin Kasperski—

Elias kept talking. “Do you think they wouldn’t do the same to you if they thought it was worth their while?” Each word was a struggle. Each syllable was a pebble placed in a dam, an attempt to hold back the river of memory. The current washed them away almost as soon as he could place them.

“I’m too useful to them,” said Kirill. “And there’s no one left alive who cares about me.” There was no emotion in his words.

Elias struggled to focus on those cold eyes. Not to obscure Kirill—he wouldn’t do that again, not after Kirill’s threat. Just to give himself something to focus on besides the fear and Kirill’s questions.

His eyes were as pale as Max’s. Was Max working in a facility like this somewhere, staring into a prisoner’s eyes with a flat, empty gaze?

And Sammy. What had he been doing for PERI before they had recalled him? Were his eyes as cold as Kirill’s now?

“You’re not focused enough,” said Kirill. “Let me change that. We can snap the bones in your son’s hand, one by one. He doesn’t need them for his work. I could demonstrate on you, so you know what your son will be facing.”

Elias’s hands involuntarily twitched away from Kirill. Memory surged through him—a reddened, wrinkled infant hand, impossibly small in his, less than a day old. A bigger hand, but still small in his, clutching his index finger as they walked across the street together—Sammy had been too proud to hold hands the way he used to. A scraped palm, tears, tweezers picking out the bits of gravel from the wound.

“Your contacts,” Kirill said, like Elias had known he would.

Elias dug through his own memory ruthlessly, throwing out images like roadblocks. A man bleeding out in his arms. A woman facedown in the water. PERI had already killed too many of his people. Now the dead could shield the living.

“Your active contacts,” Kirill said implacably. “And you don’t have to wait for me to pluck the memories from your head. Give me a thorough accounting, out loud, and guarantee that your son will be sent back to his current assignment with no knowledge of your presence here.”

Would his name mean anything to Sammy? Did he remember him? A sharp pang of grief. His son disappearing onto the school bus, its accordion door swallowing him.

“Your active contacts,” Kirill repeated. His voice showed no hint of frustration.

And Elias’s memory obeyed. Despite his attempts to throw up roadblocks, despite the pebbles placed in the roaring river of memory, Kirill’s voice steered his thoughts expertly. He pictured Mikyla Cogburn, a bored mother of three who had occupied herself by hacking into government systems and discovered one of PERI’s research projects by accident. Fleming Hammerberg, a weedy and freckled man who Elias had tried to recruit for the better part of a year for his rare distance-telepathy skills. Hayat Jalil—

Elias breathed in and out. He stared at his hands, and willed himself not to think of broken bones.

But that was the wrong approach. Resisting pain only ever brought more pain.

There would be pain. There would be grief that would never fade, and wounds that would never heal. That was the way of the world.

He stared his grief in the face until it looked away.

The river slowed, then stilled.

“You’ll do what you’re going to do,” he said, his voice even. Almost as if he meant it. “I can’t stop you.”

He tried to tell himself it was the truth. Pain was inevitable. Grief was inevitable.

But Sammy’s suffering was not. Elias could save him, send him back to his life as a cold-eyed PERI resource. If he traded away everyone who had put their trust in him.

Maybe tomorrow he would do it. Maybe the day after. Maybe the anticipation of Sammy’s pain would be too much for him, and he would give in and hate himself for it later. Or maybe his moment of weakness wouldn’t come until he saw Sammy in front of him, and heard his son’s adult voice for the first time in the sound of an agonized scream.

But not today.

He took another breath. And another. The memories didn’t return.

There would be more rounds. He wouldn’t win them all. Kirill had already handed him a few painful losses—and others would feel that pain in his place.

But for the moment… for the moment, he had won.

Kirill’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Maybe hurting your son isn’t the right strategy after all.”

Elias restrained himself from flashing Kirill a smile of triumph. But he felt it in his heart. If his victory had shaken Kirill, maybe it was more significant than he had thought.

Then Kirill’s thin lips curved into a smile of his own. “An account from your mouth would be the most efficient method of gathering information,” he said, “but for now, it’s not necessary. I got more than enough from your memories alone in the last few minutes.”

The flame of victory in Elias’s heart turned to ash.

His victory had been no victory at all. Kirill hadn’t backed down because Elias had successfully held the memories at bay. He had backed down because he had gotten enough to satisfy him for now.

Kirill stood. “We’ll discuss the remaining unanswered questions another time,” he said, already turning toward the door. “Maybe you’ll change your mind about talking to me. If not, we have plenty of beds. Your son can stay here as long as we need him.”

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