#reading through my writing makes me realize how fucking much i Haven't written and. it's a bit daunting tbh

[ichorblossoms]

i only remember the day i made grimm and yarrow bc it was 4/20 and i thought it was funny anyways happy one year to these two fuckers eating away at my brain and here's to them continuing to do that for...the foreseeable future

since i have created So much about them in this year, i wanna recap what the fuck i've done bc i have never had this happen before. it's definitely new to hyperfixate on some ocs so intensely but i'm having a good time with everything so! i can't say i'm upset that these two kicked my ass into gear with drawing so much !!

starting off with the first sketches of them i scribbled down before i had to get back to work on other stuff bc i don't think i posted these

they've evolved a bit but....not by much really. esp in regards to yarrow i had what is more or less his current design nailed down within a day. not to mention that these two both had names within 24 hours? that usually does NOT happen for me

in terms of all the other art, th galleries aren't the absolute best metric to measure how much i've drawn my ocs bc it doesn't account for all the sketches and wips i have lying around and i upload gift art so it's not all mine in there NONETHELESS it's wild comparing their th gallery stats to the main trio of ttw bc those three literally have a decade of existence on them

(also grimm has five more standalone pieces of fanart than yarrow, so the gap between how much i've drawn the two of them is even smaller)

within a year, these two have, give or take, half the amount of stuff as i've managed to make for my other mains that have been around over a decade. ofc with ttw being around so long there are a lot of unfinished things, paper drawings i have stashed away, things that're retconned, and so many more sketchbook doodles of them that just never got posted so it's not as comparable to honeybee bc it's a more constant slowburn in my brain. but still. still

that's also not to mention the 16 or so full comic pages i've drawn for them?? (most of those are under toyhouse's literature bc it's easier to post them that way) which doesn't sound like a lot, but bc i've never done that before with any of my ocs it's. wild to me. i'm still figuring out a method that makes making comics as painless as possible bc i have ideas! but it still feels like i'm like pulling teeth sometimes! i can say it feels a bit easier to make comics now but i still have a lot to figure out :,,D

also i've been writing. i don't consider myself a writer. i said "fuck it we ball" and started writing. i guess i am on technicality, and it's not as if i haven't written anything at all (hi ttw and the old peartree draft), but definitely haven't written extensive prose before this. anyways i've got a 10k-word outline and am approximately 35k words into the first draft so it's not nothing! in fact that's a lot for me, esp bc i'm constantly battling the urge to edit things over and over and also the awareness of the skill gap between me and all of the writers i am constantly reading so it's overall just a...really slow process OTL

because i'm deranged and refuse to make things easy on myself, i envision honeybee as an illustrated novel, but not necessarily illustrated like fantasy novels are i'm talking like....a novel with comic panels in it. i have a vision. (also i had a dream where i read a book like this i can See it in my mind). it's fine. i'm normal. <if this comes to be for realsies i will have to learn how to do so much typesetting bullshit

i don't have any special art to commemorate my Year of Brainrot, but i guess i'll post some writing below the cut. heads up this is First Draft Shit, even though these are the parts i'm currently more fond of i am...not confident in my skills as a writer yet so please offer me some lenience hgfklhgld

anything in [these brackets] is going to be drawn either as a standalone illustration or a small series of comic panels so just hold my hand and imagine with me.

ordered chronologically but missing a Lot of context partially bc i'm not writing any of this in order. i try to keep grimm (they/it) and yarrow's (he/they) pronouns consistent, but excuse any flips bc again, this hasn't been through any external editing, in fact y'all are the first to see any of these words.

part 1 (years 0 to ~1)- least written-for part atm but i re-outlined it semi-recently so i know where to take it

*grimm is misgendered here intentionally, yarrow doesn't know The Pronouns yet

part 2 (years ~6 to ~8)- currently the most-written

part 3 (years ~9 to ~10)

does a little dance and makes jazz hands before faceplanting. thank you if you read any of that hkgdslfhlfk

[vaspider]

While I'm writing things that I've been intending to write for a while... one of the things that I think that a lot of people who haven't been involved in like... banking or corporate shenaniganry miss about why our economy is its current flavor of total fuckery is the concept of "fiduciary duty to shareholders."

"Why does every corporation pursue endless growth?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

"Why do corporations treat workers the way they do?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

"Why do corporations make such bass-ackwards decisions about what's 'good for' the company?" Fiduciary duty to shareholders.

The legal purpose of a corporation with shareholders -- its only true purpose -- is the generation of revenue/returns for shareholders. Period. That's it. Anything else it does is secondary to that. Sustainability of business, treatment of workers, sustainability and quality of product, those things are functionally and legally second to generating revenue for shareholders. Again, period, end of story. There is no other function of a corporation, and all of its extensive legal privileges exist to allow it to do that.

"But Spider," you might say, "that sounds like corporations only exist in current business in order to extract as much money and value as possible from the people actually doing the work and transfer it up to the people who aren't actually doing the work!"

Yes. You are correct. Thank you for coming with me to that realization. You are incredibly smart and also attractive.

You might also say, "but Spider, is this a legal obligation? Could those running a company be held legally responsible for failing their obligations if they prioritize sustainability or quality of product or care of workers above returns for shareholders?"

Yes! They absolutely can! Isn't that terrifying? Also you look great today, you're terribly clever for thinking about these things. The board and officers of a corporation can be held legally responsible to varying degrees for failing to maximize shareholder value.

And that, my friends, is why corporations do things that don't seem to make any fucking sense, and why 'continuous growth' is valued above literally anything else: because it fucking has to be.

If you're thinking that this doesn't sound like a sustainable economic model, you're not alone. People who are much smarter than both of us, and probably nearly as attractive, have written a proposal for how to change corporate law in order to create a more sensible and sustainable economy. This is one of several proposals, and while I don't agree with all of this stuff, I think that reading it will really help people as a springboard to understanding exactly why our economy is as fucked up as it is, and why just saying 'well then don't pursue eternal growth' isn't going to work -- because right now it legally can't. We'd need to change -- and we can change -- the laws around corporate governance.

This concept of 'shareholder primacy' and the fiduciary duty to shareholders is one I had to learn when I was getting my securities licenses, and every time I see people confusedly asking why corporations try to grow grow grow in a way that only makes sense if you're a tumor, I sigh and think, 'yeah, fiduciary duty to shareholders.'

(And this is why Emet and I have refused to seek investors for NK -- we might become beholden to make decisions which maximize investor return, and that would get in the way of being able to fully support our people and our values and say the things we started this company to say.)

Anyway, you should read up on these concepts if you're not familiar. It's pretty eye-opening.

[kitorin]

boyfriend headcanons ! itoshi rin

contents. how you met, how you got to know each other, when he realized he liked you, how you started dating, dates, all fluff

warning. rin backstory spoilers, i can't write kiss scenes either, written with all lowercase intended, it's word vomit bc school has screwed me up mentally and i can't think properly atp lmao

a/n. reo, rensuke and yoichi ver coming soon, was supposed to be all four of them but tumblr didn't save some stuff so i lost motivation and i probably wrote too much for rin anyways

how you met

you were invited to hang out with a group of friends, but ended up hating it since you were basically invisible, since everyone else were talking about a common interest you didn't have

you ended up walking away, finding somewhere actually interesting, and found a muji store (minimalist retailer that sells a lot of household items and more), and had your own fun, looking through stationary, skin care, nice clothes, and more.

you were having a great time until you heard someone from the hangout looking for you and calling

rin who notices your panic right next to him, questions what's wrong (not necessarily out of concern, honestly probably because he may have found it slightly irritating)

after you explain your situation briefly, he nods and finds you somewhere to hide, and goes to deal with your friend

he's got perfect control over his facial expressions, he'd easily lie and even if your friend was persistent, he'd still scare him away

"haven't seen them in here, they left a while ago and you better stop yelling,"

"are you sure-?"

"yes. now piss off and stop disturbing everyone here,"

once he's sure your friend's gone, he goes back to where he instructed you to hide, giving you the clear

"i hope that lukewarm asshole wasn't your ex."

you're slightly amused at the word 'lukewarm' it wasn't a typical description you'd hear often. "nope, i'd never date him. thank you so much though. i really appreciate it, please let me do a favor for you"

before he can object, you grab a sample pen, scrawling your number on his hand, "send me a text and i'll do my best to help you with anything okay?" you send him a smile as his eyes widen in shock, "bye kind stranger, have a great day," and before he could respond, you were gone, rushing out the store out of embarrassment for not being able to slip away from your friend uncaught.

how he got to know you

[unknown number] : i really don't need a favor you know?

i hated that idiot anyways, loud and annoying

[you] : don't careeee, i want to make it up to you somehow, please?

i'm y/n, you?

[unknown number] : rin, itoshi rin

after he gave in to your offer, you ended up tutoring him, he didn't care about grades but his high school had a rule of requiring a certain standard of grades to compete in tournaments

turns out he wasn't even a bad student, he's diligent and consistent, he only needed a little bit of guidance and advice, with math being the exception

in between sessions, during breaks and outside of your tuition you'd talk a lot, considering how rin has no friends ("neither do you, your toxic ass friends shouldn't count" he replies when you realize it) and you're patient enough to deal with his personality

even after he has his grades up you still hangout with each other, watching horror movies, playing horror games, reading horror novels / comics (you introduced him to junji ito), and he'd even teach you some soccer when you visit his training. he also tries out all your hobbies and favourite things to do and eat

you two spend so much time together, simply because one has no other friends and the other has no healthy friendships

how he knew he liked you

BRO WAS IN DENIAL. FOR. SO. FUCKING. LONG.

he thought he had a health problem or fever when he felt his face getting hot, or that odd sensation in his stomach, or his heart relentlessly pounding against his chest

he tries to research it, doesn't believe it when he sees all those love related posts, so he literally goes to a doctor

his doctor probably almost instantly realized, and had to deal with rin's denial

"you experience these 'symptoms' with a certain someone, don't you?" the doctor doesn't even bother with noting down anything, he's 100% sure and knows it's perfectly in character for rin to do something like this

"that's not possible- that doesn't make se-," he pauses, and recalls that he only felt that way when it came to you, "... yes," he's sort of bashful, slightly embarrassed but quickly composes himself again. 'i apologise for doubting you, please continue,"

"no worries," with a grin, his doctor prepared leave and meet his next patient, "i diagnose you with love sickness,"

when i tell you, this man fucking asked him what meds to take and what to do as self treatment

his poor doctor mentally face palmed himself, sat himself back down and had a (long) talk with this emotionally repressed boy

rin still insists it's something medically wrong, but he's soon shoo-ed out of the office, while hastily being told to make sure he's honest with his feelings, otherwise it never goes right

back at home, he's lying in bed, revising what his doctor said

"rin you need to learn how to acknowledge your emotions. i understand they're confusing and i'm not a therapist, but you can't keep denying it. it's just as unhealthy to neglect your emotions as it is to ignore an injury,"

...

denial huh?

he thinks of you and his heart once again can't calm down, his face burns and his stomach is doing somersaults. he buries his face in his palm, groaning. he hated anything unfamiliar, anything that he couldn't navigate with confidence, or fully comprehend.

"do you really despise it? or do you refuse to acknowledge your feelings because you've never experienced something like this,"

his doctor's advice comes back to him, and he thinks.

if he truly loathed how you made him feel, why is he still hanging out with you, why is he still investing his time into you, why do you make him so damn happy?

he passed out eventually completely lost in thought

how you ended up dating

some time passes and you finally have the courage to confess to him only to receive a cold "i don't feel the same way," a complete lie

accepting his emotions was one thing, accepting a relationship is another. he could immediately feel regret clawing at his stomach, he wanted to tell you. badly, how much he likes you, your patience, intelligence, your kindness, literally everything

yet nothing comes out. only his stoic and stupid facade's character

you walk away after mumbling out an apology for making things awkward, and rin's left there standing, finger nails digging crescents of frustration into his palm

he's overwhelmed with his thoughts, some insisting for him to give up and accept that he fucked up, others demanding him to move and fix things

what would be worse than losing you, anyways?

and that last thought was the final push, he's basically sprinting towards you, soon his arms are wrapped around you, releasing a gasp of surprise from you.

"ri-?"

"i lied," rin blurts, internally screaming at himself to just say it, "i lied, i know i shouldn't have and i'm sorry. but i like you too much, i can't express or understand my feelings, i don't know anything about relationships or love either, and i wanted to hide how i felt so i wouldn't get hurt,"

"rin-," he doesn't let you finish, ignoring your whisper.

"but i don't care, i like you so much that i'm willing to risk hurting myself, anything's worth it if i can be with you, spend time with you, and love you. if it's for you i'd overcome all my fears of love. i can't afford love, but if it's for you i don't care anymore,"

"you're perfect, you always have been," he concludes his speech, almost breathless from how rushed it was. scarlet was dusted all over his face, teal eyes wide open.

that fact rin, someone who's never been good at communication, went this far to express how he feels for you, warms your heart even more.

"rin?"

"yes?"

"may i kiss you?"

somehow, he blushes even more, and as he nods your lips press together.

dates + other headcanons

MOVIE NIGHTS !! not at cinemas though since he prefers the comfort and privacy of his room, and doesn't like how loud or dirty cinemas can get

doesn't want to force you into anything too scary, but he secretly enjoys it when you end up clinging onto him

since he struggles with articulating his emotions, he likes using playlists and songs to (die for you - weeknd, shinunoga iiwa - fujii kaze, love, maybe - melomance, sweet - cigarettes after sex, COME INSIDE OF MY HEART - IV SPADES SUITS HIM SO WELL)

he's not a fan of pda, yet he wants to show you off to everyone he knows

if you genuinely like soccer and have an interest in it (obviously doesn't want to force you to watch 90 minutes of a sport you don't like) he'd watch his favourite games with you, even books tickets for the both of you if there are any good teams competing nearby

also takes great interest in your sports !! reads a lot about them so he can discuss them with you, and if you also compete in sports he puts together a training routine for you and asks to go to the gym together (say yes dumbass)

SURFINGGGG !! since he grew up in kamakura, he loves the beach and went to swim and surf a lot as a kid and would love to do it again with you, even if he hasn't done it in ten years (same rin, same). same with hiking too (kamakura's also famous for it as well)

visits the store with you where he always bought ice blocks with sae, the same lady who worked there when sae and rin still got around is still there, congratulates him for getting a partner, is proud of him

he's a great listener too, he prefers it over speaking a lot and you can talk to him about anything, whether you're talking shit about someone (he'd join in and start swearing) and or you're hyperfixating on your interests

whenever he gets a question related to his love life he takes a moment to blush when he thinks of you, pauses to compose himself (keeps you a secret for your privacy from the media), then says with a straight face that soccer is a priority, but everyone knows he's lying

©kouyun : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[cloudrunnerscinnamon]

I guess I am back ...

(gif not mine)

Took me a while but here I am again writing fanfiction and fuck me that feels good!

So since I haven't written anything in quite some time – please be gentle. :) It is not perfect but it is a start. Here it goes. Enjoy!

Short, little something about the 12th Doctor and his travel companion. It is very fluffy. What I would imagine to be an almost „normal“ day in the Tardis.

The usual banter

„Well then stop complaining and just read it to me.“ (Y/N) said while she was walking through the many hallways of the Tardis holding a book in her hands. She was on her way to a more comfortable place to rest. She had spent the last half an hour reading, sitting on one of the chairs in the Tardis main console room. However her back had started to ache and she really did want to snuggle in under a blanket now. 

„When you were sitting on the chair I could at least pretend that you were listening to me being all clever. If you go away I got no one to be clever for.“

The Doctor trotted grumpily behind his friend inclined to follower her until he eventually would persuade her to return back to the console room. 

„Oh you poor thing you,“ (Y/N) twirled around while still walking and gave the doctor a puppy dog lock. Her sarcasm wasn’t lost on him at all. 

„I know you just want my attention because you are incapable of enjoying some down time. But I am not - so please just let me read my book in peace and finde someone else to impress.“ Continuing on in her path, (Y/N) heard the Doctor huffing out a loud breath. She smiled to herself. This was them having a good time. Simple, friendly banter mixed with a bit of truth and a piece of spite. 

„What are you reading anyways?“ The Time Lord inquired even though he already knew what (Y/N) was reading. 

He had checked out the title the minute the woman had picked up the book. He had only kept up his monologue about quantum physics and why it should be taught in Kindergarden to make sure she did not realize he was actually just paying attention to her. His mouth had been on auto pilot doing its own thing. Flushing out knowledge which sounded reasonable enough to not make (Y/N) suspicious. The Doctor’s eyes though were roaming over his friend. They had drunk in every detail about her. She had been sitting a little hunched forward, cross-legged on a console room chair and the Doctor knew her neck would hurt later. 

How she delicately held the book, absently running her index finger over the spine. Every other minute one of her hands would pull back a stray strand of hair which had fallen into her vision for the what seemed like the hundredth time. He smiled softly angling his head down a little, turning to the side just a bit so he wouldn’t give himself away. (Y/N)’s expressions were what captured him the most. She could run through so many facial expressions in seconds while reading and she didn’t even know it. 

After The Doctor and (Y/N) had started to travel together he had soon learned that she was an adamant reader. Always carrying a book with her which in fact had come in more handy than he could have thought. Soon he had revealed to her the big library the Tardis had to offer and she had spent countless hours in there since then. 

So to be honest the Doctor adored how much (Y/N) loved reading and was utterly stunned how much happiness it invoked in her. It made him feel like he could also maybe finde simple things that made him happy. It gave him hope and comfort. Nevertheless he would never admit this out loud. The teasing, the raillery and how they would always end up sitting together reading, talking about it, shushing each other when they wanted to make a point. He loved it, he loved her - which was a secret and something he pushed deep down, well away, avoiding the whole subject. 

To answer his question (Y/N) just held the book up over her shoulder. 

„You have read this one at least 3 times!“ The thick Scottish accent of this Doctor’s incarnation couldn’t possibly be more prominent. When he continued (Y/N) had to close her eyes for a second. She would never be able to un-hear that low dark rumble of a voice and it gave her the shivers - the good ones. 

„How can you read that again, it’s not getting any better. Wasn’t really good to begin with and—“

„5 times, I read it 5 times and it’s my favorite so don’t mock it you old grump.“ She said with a twinkle. Another huff from behind her and then she had reached the door to her room. 

The door slide upwards with a silent, swift movement and (Y/N) entered her room. 

It was a while back, when on a whim the Doctor had decided that it was time to give (Y/N) her own room. She had been traveling with him for well over a year and even though the Tardis was good at providing the woman with everything she needed when ever she went looking for it, the Time Lord really wanted to extinguish the thought of her just being a guest. So in addition to a key for the Tardis (Y/N) also had gotten a room. 

It was in itself a relatively large space however a comfortable king-sized bed, a dark green corduroy couch, several shelves filled with books and other stuff, as well as an antique wooden desk and a well-worn armchair made it look very cozy. Somehow the Tardis had managed to build in a big round window which was laid in deep enough so one could sit on the sill and marvel at the stars. A wooden stool was placed under it for better reach and the nook was set up with different sized cushions and blankets. There was no harsh light source, the whole room was illuminated by tiny fairy lights and garlands (Y/N) had hung in different corners and on the ceiling. Over time some of her drawings, keepsakes and other things had made its way onto the walls. There was a small bouquet of flowers, dried now put still carefully placed into a vase upon a small table next to the arm chair. Flowers (Y/N) had collected during one of the many adventures with the Doctor. In a corner by the bed was an old chair, layers of cloth made it almost invisible. Some of them had slit down onto a fluffy large rug. Somehow all of this captured so much of (Y/N)’s character and the space truly had become hers. It filled the Doctor with joy every time he noticed. 

When (Y/N) had just started staying in her own room the Doctor made a point to not enter it. He didn’t want to seem intrusive or else overstepping boundaries so he simply avoided the space all together. But as time passed those boundaries got pushed around and eventually evaporated. It appeared to be that neither the Doctor nor (Y/N) really minded the other in their rooms. Which is why, without hesitation, the Time Lord followed his friend inside. 

(Y/N) went straight for the big couch and crawled onto the shorter side of the L shape. Here she could finally rest her back comfortably against the big cushions and cover herself with that large blanket she had been craving. A happy sigh slipped over her lips and the plain words of her book started to take colorful form in her head. It could have been perfect but a few seconds in and (Y/N) had to avert her gaze from those pages just to see a rather cross Time Lord standing in front of her. His head was tilted to the side and he wore a what you could call a question-mark-expression on his face. It did nothing for him combined with his constantly peeved eyebrows but (Y/N) still smiled and sat up a little more. 

„You are not, you are really not?“ Lost for words, the Doctor in his bewilderment gestured between the room and the door, his hands flying around. 

„You are really going to just sit here and read that book?“ The Doctor pointed at the book as if he was trying to stab it. (Y/N) knew that the Doctor in fact did have a hard time wrapping his head around the concept of just doing nothing or at least not achieving anything, albeit one could argue reading was a great achievement. So she understood, some of this was show, familiarity, daily life with each other but still there was a little truth hidden in the Doctor’s words. He needed her to keep out the loneliness, the dark thoughts and perhaps even memories. The Doctor’s mind was much easier to carry when it was occupied. And most days (Y/N) was happy to oblige. She loved being his companion. One adventure after another, long sleepless nights and so many stories he could tell but some days she simply needed to rest. Catch her breath in someway. „Hey did you just silently insult my book with your finger. Cos I saw that!“ (Y/N) chuckled and rolled her eyes in a fake annoyed manner. She defensively covered the book with her hands mocking him. The Doctor drew in a breath and put his hands on his sides revealing the red lining of his long coat. His signature move, (Y/N) thought and she had to laugh at that. He really was a child sometimes, stomping his feet. 

„Come on now Doc. You have three options here,“ her thumb went up to indicate the different alternatives. 

„Number one: you can either sit down and be quiet,“ second finger joined, „ number two: you can go away do what ever the hell you want or,“ third finger rose, „ number three: and this is my preferred option, you can sit down, snuggle in and read the book to me.“ (Y/N) wiggled her fingers at the Time Lord and shrugged. 

„Your pick.“

To the Doctor there really weren’t three options here, all he truly wanted was to be close to (Y/N). She calmed him, he had figured that out awhile back after they had been traveling together for only a few weeks. Everything around him usually carried some kind of intensity, pressure and he had a tough time ridding himself off that even in the comfort of his Tardis. (Y/N) took that away, she was like a constant that fixed something in him. At first he wasn’t able to accept that. It felt weird to the Doctor that somebody else had such an impact on him but after a while he recognized it as something special. With her around there was no need to go on and keep digging, to keep finding but he never told her that. Old habits die hard and he wasn’t ready to share that knowledge yet. After all he was the Doctor who kept running right? 

Nevertheless (Y/N) did notice that the way the Doctor treated her differed a little from how he carried himself with others. She put it off to all the countless hours they had spent together and them simply being comfortable around each other. Just friends. 

The Doctor grumbled something under his breath and kept lingering in the middle of the room. 

„What was that?“, she asked. Instead of an answer the Doctor took a few long strides towards the Couch. Before (Y/N) could do anything the book was snatched from her hands and with a thud the Doctor plopped down right next to her. He pushed his shoes off putting his feet up and under his companion’s blanket. His left arm came down around (Y/N)’s shoulders and he opened the book at the latest dog-ear. 

„You really have got to stop doing that.“ The Doctor nodded towards the book. „Dog-ears are just horrendous especially for the next reader.“ 

„If you wouldn’t interrupt me so often there’d hardly be any.“ (Y/N) tried to sound offended but she couldn’t hide the smile forming on her lips. She grabbed the Doctor’s hand that was resting on her left arm and squeezed it lightly. His fingers involuntarily interlaced with hers right away and his thumb caressed the back of her hand. This was sweet and surprising. They had been sitting close together before but as of late more often. However it normally didn’t go further than their bodies touching side by side. 

The atmosphere had suddenly changed. The moment came and went and still they were just sitting there quietly, waiting maybe. (Y/N) moved first. She scooted down a little so she could lean more into the Doctor and was able to rest the back of her head on his chest. (Y/N) could feel the rise and the fall of the Time Lord’s breath. Were those thumps his hearts? She couldn’t be sure because her own heart was beating wildly. The Doctor drew in a long breath, he wanted to start reading. As much as he was enjoying the close proximity to (Y/N) he was also scared to give away how much it actually moved him. Reading would at least draw some of his braincells in another direction. He closed his eyes for a second to compose himself, how could he be so nervous? He was The Doctor, the oncoming storm, bringer of darkness and –.  And in the face of feelings remotely in the vicinity of romance he still basically was just a school boy with a crush, tongue tide and clumsy hands. Sensing that the Doctor was hesitating for some reason, (Y/N) turned around a little and peeked up at the Doctor. The look she saw in his eyes startled her. She had seen that kindness and calm before all though hardly ever as unfiltered as it was right then. Yet (Y/N) got a scarce view of something else and it confused her immensely. What was that? (Y/N) let go of the Doctor’s hand and without thinking about it she very softly ran a finger along his face. She started at his hairline slowly tracing it down to his cheekbone, continuing on until she reached the corner of his mouth, drawing a half circle down upon his chin. And before she even realized what she had just done her hand dropped back down lying flat on the Doctor’s chest. 

„I,“ (Y/N)’s voice came out a little raspy and she had to swallow to clear her throat. 

„I thought, I thought I saw, there was something, I…“ She shook her head. 

„Sorry I didn’t mean to just –. How rude of me!“ (Y/N) gained her bearings back and was suddenly very aware of what she had just done. Her face grew red and she felt stupid.

If the Doctor hadn’t been holding his breath before he sure as hell was now. The way she had run her finger down his face and had looked at him while doing so made him speechless. Second time he was lost for words in mere minutes, that’s an accomplishment. All the carefully stored away feelings he harbored for his travel companion came rushing out trying to finally overwhelm him. Well and that was that. It was over, there was no denying it anymore. After all that time and all those rules he put upon himself something just snapped. Fine, here we go then, the Doctor thought. Wrapped up in this huge aha-experience of his, (Y/N) begun to wiggle her way out of there close sitting positions. She didn’t dare look at the Doctor and just wanted to get away. Shocked by the unexpected loss of contact the Doctor panicked a little and dropped the book on the couch He quickly took a hold of (Y/N)s hands. She halted in her movement. Without saying anything the Doctor tucked a little. What he really meant to say was ‚please don’t leave, everything is good. Stay here - with me.‘ but all he managed, owed to his utter lack of being able to say what he really feels, was: 

„Where are you going?“ His voice was soft, no trace of insistence. Silence. They looked at each other. The Doctor didn’t want this to go south, he wanted to save this situation make it go back to where they had been moments ago.Where was time traveling when one really needed it. When (Y/N) clearly wasn’t going to say anything, worse it looked like she still wanted to flee. The Doctor chose to go for chatter. Comfort lies in the known and chatting each others ears off – they knew. 

„So you touched my face, no big deal. Isn’t like you haven’t done that before is it?“ The Doctor tried to sound normal, relaxed even.

„I mean I get it, I am a sight to behold.“ He wiggled his eyebrows and made an upward motion with his hand, flipping long strands of hair around he clearly didn’t have. 

This was funny in itself because this particular regeneration of the Doctor really didn’t think himself handsome or good looking in any way. It had never bothered him too much. However since he felt more and more drawn to (Y/N) in a romantic manner he kind of wished he still was that young, springy, bow-tie version or even the sand-shoed one. 

Finally a small smile on (Y/N)’s lips. Her shoulders relaxed a little too. Just one more for good measure then, the Doctor thought, and we should be reading in no time. 

„Now I haven’t got all day. Do you want me to read this to you or would you rather prefer to map out more of my frowning lines?“ Almost back to her quick-witted self (Y/N) opened her mouth to respond but the Time Lord cut right in. 

„Oh and no I am not doing voices. The last time I did that I had slightly too much red wine and you had broken your fragile human wrist.“ He glared at her one more time smirking and picked the book back up. (Y/N) was moving back into the position she had just left so hasty and slapped the Doctor on his knee. 

„As long as I don’t have to hear anything about quantum physics for the next few weeks I take what I can get, you grouch.“ The Doctor scoffed, giving her a disbelieving look. „I have, you know, on good authority that some people would commit murder to her me lecture about –“ This time (Y/N) went right over the Doctor’s words. 

„Shhh, less talking more reading.“ With that (Y/N) fully leaned back and placed her head on the Doctor’s hearts once more. The Time Lord smiled to himself. When he started to read his thick Scottish accent filled the room, he knew she loved it. 

[youchangedmedestiel]

As promised I said I'll give you fic recs to celebrate the fact that I have more than 100 followers now. Again, thanks a lot! This makes me happy! :)

So now, here's my gift to you:

Every fucking fic by xylodemon

The writing is always perfect! I'm not kidding, this is my favorite writer so far! I've never been disappointed by their fics. NEVER! I haven't finish to read all of them but I certainly attend to.

Fics written by deancaskiss

If you like reading about Cas and Dean "just" kissing, then you should try reading those, if you haven't done it yet. I haven't read all of them yet, I read only around 10 fics for now, but same I'll attend to read more.

Then, more specifically:

Blackberries Wild by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) Angst, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Canon divergent after 13x12, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, brief mention of suicidal ideation - around 2500 words

This is so well written, the descriptions are everything, especially the ones for the kisses. It could totally happened like that. It's very true to their character if you ask me.

a kiss for every season (literally) by sobsicles and it is also available as a podfic here read by Scintillating Gatria (LadyLoralye) Canon typical level of violence, Canon Compliant, Brief Dean Winchester/Benny Lafitte - Freeform, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kisses, Smut - around 22000 words

The title says it all, a kiss between Cas and Dean happens every season and since there's never enough kisses between these two, that fic is therefore perfect.

People Who Are Good Like Pie by sobsicles Blowjob, NSFW, Castiel is a Little Shit, Dean is In Over His Head, Flustered Dean, Confused Dean, Creatively ties eating pie into sex, Sounds disgusting but it's really not I promise, it's hilarious, fluff and porn - around 1800 words

And it is indeed hilarious imo as well as very hot. It's short and easy to read, really different from the above. But it's human!cas and I'm weak for him in a sense that there is so much potential with him in a fic and that I love him.

You and I Know the Way by aishitara Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Series, Canon Compliant through 15x18, Fluff, a smidgen of angst, PWP, Porn with Feelings, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Mentions of Blood, Mild Hurt/Comfort - around 4300 words

There is human!cas in there too, so yeah I'm sold. Plus some amazing, beautiful, stunning art from winchester-reload is included in the fic so it's even more perfect. This is smut yes, but, BUT you can really see all the love there is between them and that fucks me up. That's the type of porn that makes me cry. I never thought I could say that about porn one day. But maybe it's because it isn't, this is just LOVE!

Humans Do It Better by Hatteress Episode: s06e10 Caged Heat (Supernatural), Excessive Drinking, Light Angst, First Kiss, Second more heated kiss, Kinda Funny.

I invented the tags here because it isn't on AO3. I need to mention this fic because it was like one of the first fics I read. It was more than a year ago and I still remember it. Maybe because I wished it had a next FUCKING chapter. I want to read more about it. I want to see what happened when they meet again later. I want to see what's going on in Dean's mind the next morning when he realized what he did, thinking about how he corrupted a fucking angel. Feeling guilty about it because it's Dean. I - I, maybe I'll fucking write this second chapter one day. But I don't know if it's a thing, you know, writing a sequel to someone else's fic.

Anyway, I hope you'll like reading those if it's not already done. I for sure have more fics to recommend but I have to save some for the 200 followers I guess lmao. One can dream.

BUT if you need specific fics, like from an episode in particular for example, you can still ask me because I sort them by episode tag too.

[ladykailitha]

Look, considering I've only gotten involved in Stranger Things after season four and therefore haven't been around the fans during other new season filming starts, but my brothers/sisters/nb in fandom what the honest fuck is going on right now?

I have been a part of other fandoms when new seasons started filming and the worst I'd seen was BBC Sherlock. And you lot are behaving worst then they did.

And Jesus fuck, that's a fucking low ass bar.

(Again I am ship and let ship, kinktomato, and headcanon free for all)

But this is just what I've seen in my small deliberately secluded corner of the internet so forgive me if I get some things wrong.

Ronance fans have turned on Steddie fans.

Steddie fans are trying to eat each other over who tops and who bottoms between two horny, barely out of their teens, men.

Eddie is confirmed dead.

Dustin is trying to become Eddie.

People want Will dead because Noah Schnapps said some stupid shit regarding genocide.

And Argyle isn't coming back.

I'm going to give you my feelings on these so buckle up lets go:

1- Steddie and Ronance fans have turned on each other. And I know this because I doom scroll through steddie tag. That Ronance fans think Steddie fans are delusional and that they're going down after season five airs and there will be more Ronance fans because they're perfect for each other.

Where to even begin on this? First, never tell a shipper that their ship is never going to be canon because they don't care. Just ask all the Destiel, johnlock, and merarthur fans. Steddie fans are just going to ignore all but the most salient parts of season 5 if Eddie doesn't come back and write AUs for the rest of their lives. You know, like they have since the last scene on the Piggyback faded to black?

Secondly, I don't think I've seen much Ronance without Steddie. Granted I only read Steddie, but it seems that the two ships are tied pretty heavily together. The fruity four comes to mind. So maybe it's that they're getting tired of being a side ship next to a massive one like Steddie. Who knows. But apparently they're bitter.

And I say that because they keep tagging their anti-Steddie posts as Steddie to make sure we see it. Honestly, I just block them and go about my day. But seriously, I've never understood people's need to be shitty like posting hate on the tag for that thing. If you don't like it, fine. Block and move on.

Thirdly. Lastly. Maybe. I don't like Ronance. I saw the charms when I first joined the fandom and it was cute. Until the more I read and I realized that most of the time they don't bring up that Jonathan is even a person let alone Nancy's current boyfriend. That most of the time Steve is written wildly out of character about not caring that they're a couple and that he just wants them to be happy. Like, one Jonathan is severely under used in the fics I've read. Like Will doesn't have an older brother anymore. It's all Steve or Eddie. Which considering how you like your flavor of queer for Eddie or Steve (gay/pan/bisexual) Will talking to them about being gay makes sense, but Jonathan showed us in the last season that he is going to protect Will no matter what. Then blip! in fanfics, he's gone.

And then the whole Steve being okay with Robin not only dating an ex-girlfriend of his, but the ex. The one he thought he was going to marry. The one he dreamed a whole fucking future on. That was still hurt by two fucking years later. You either think very lowly of Steve or you just don't care. Because if you think Robin and Steve are the same person/share the same braincell/ride or die for life, there is no way even if Nancy threw herself at Robin would she even consider it. (I can write a whole ass post just on this by the way, don't get me started.)

2- This is the most recent bullshittery due to a current event about Sub Eddie. This is the worst discourse in any fandom and the worst offenders on either side tend say the most homophobic shit imaginable.

And it's pointless. Whether you think Steve is a top or bottom, whether you think he's dom or a sub. Same with Eddie. Everyone has their own flavor they prefer and they won't always match up with yours.

Personally I write them whatever feels natural for the story. But here's the major crux of the matter. I don't believe a little nerd in Bumfuck, Indiana has any idea what flagging is. I'm sorry. Left pocket, right pocket. Doesn't matter. The likely of him even knowing what BDSM is is pretty slim. I grew up in a small town. There will be some people that know, but that's because they know adults in the scene.

Don't like, don't read. Seriously, guys. Let people enjoy what they want to.

My personal feelings on the matter is that Steve is a bottom/sub because he deserves to be taken care of and Eddie would absolutely want to be that person for Steve, in and out of the bedroom. Again, you do you, beau.

3- The tombstone. Sigh. It was hard to see that. Not just because it confirms he's dead, but because it's been defaced. Most likely like fans have said, "BURN IN HELL" the poor bastard.

Having a tombstone doesn't necessarily preclude Eddie's return. There are several ways he can still comeback Kas! theory not withstanding. But the wank here is people jumping on Steddie shippers and Eddie fans in general pointing and screaming "see!"

Like we didn't have campaigns for Barb and Bob and (Billy). If someone's favorite character has died, don't be dicks when they want them to be resurrected a la Jim Hopper. Because that right there is the main reason people will still hold out hope until the final scene fades to black, okay?

I guess this one is just be nicer to each other, okay?

4- *sob* like holy fuck. Dustin you sweetheart. The long hair, the torn Hellfire t-shirt, the rings. The horns and sticking out his tongue. That poor boy needs several hugs STAT! And of course, people can't leave well enough alone on Facebook, I couldn't tell you how many of the comments were "steddie fans are going to make this all about them, aren't they?" Even though there wasn't a single comment by a Steddie making it about Steve/Eddie. But so many eye rolls. The other half were death threats against Noah Schnapp.

Which brings me to...

5- Noah Schnapp said some really shitty things about Zionism and the attack on Gaza. There is no escaping that. He said them. He double downed on them. And while yes it sucks he said those things, let's not forget he's still young and stupid. He's barely 18/19 years old. I remember being that age and saying stupid fucked up shit, and hoo boy does this make me grateful I was well into adulthood when the internet became a thing (24ish).

There are a lot of reasons to be upset by his comments and I get that. But death threats and calls for his dismissal/boycotts just seems excessive to me.

One, because the story began with a kidnapped little boy and a runaway little girl. If you get rid of one of them especially this close to the end it would fuck up the story. Now if there was more than one season left, sure. But this is literally the end. And for all we know, Will's character may already be doomed by the narrative. So calling for it now isn't go to do anything. Especially since they already had all the scripts written and would have finished filming if it hadn't been for the strikes.

Two, one person on the cast said something stupid and hurtful and you want to boycott the entire show for it? Like, what did David Harbor, Joe Keery, Maya Hawke, Millie Bobby Brown and all the others do to deserve you boycotting their show? If the last season tanks it could seriously hurt their careers, but hey Noah Schnapp said something bad, so fuck them?

I'm going to stop there, because this is another one I can go on and on about, but yeah. Don't hurt other people in your rush to vilify an 18 year old.

6- Eduardo Franco recently said that he didn't get a call so he didn't think he would be back. He was sure that ship had sailed.

Fans are upset, naturally. Argyle was a sweetheart and deserves better than to be cut from the story like that.

But thanks to the incident with David Harbor and Jim Hopper supposedly being dead, a lot of fans are saying he's only saying that because it's a "secret" he's coming back. Which would make sense for Eddie or any of the other character died. Martin Brenner, for example, but not Argyle. There would be no need for subterfuge. Plus, he would already be out in Georgia if he was coming back.

It's sad that he was done dirty this way, but if they split up the filming like they've done before there is still a chance he might get to come back, but as far as the current filming is concerned, yeah Argyle isn't coming back.

***

Just... be kind to each other. Remember that the other people on the end of the URL is an actual person with feelings. That people can like what they like so if they aren't hurting you, don't hurt them, okay?

[slptkns]

Visitor

[Vessel/GN!Reader] (Poly!Sleep token/reader if you squint)

“Tell me-” He growls in your ear, “Tell me what you need.” Your eyes shoot open, and your entire body tenses. His hands freeze over your ribs, tickling the sensitive skin. Without having to think, you respond. “You.” Your voice is airy, “I need you, Ves.”

Warnings: Little spicy, but nothing inherently explicit. Maybe a lil explicit. Swearing. Not beta read (we die like men)

Word Count: 1,400

A/N: I was inspired by @faithghoul and their headcanons so i had to write this!! I haven't written something like this in... a while. I hope you like it! Also first time writing Vessel, so please go easy on me lmao The reader in here is gender neutral, I tried to make sure not to use like any prominent descriptors!

It had been a while since you had seen Vessel, thanks to his tour schedule. You knew you were going to be seeing him again soon, but you weren’t sure when the next time he would be walking through the door was.

You sit in your bed, in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear, and mess around on your laptop. You are humming to yourself when you hear a creaking noise and the sound of your front door opening. Immediately you stop and stand from your bed. You then remember, your old roommate still happens to have a key and you’re sure it’s them.

You call out their name as you open your bedroom door and when you’re greeted with someone who is not your best friend, you let out a scream. When you realize, it is in fact not an intruder you are relieved, but quickly become confused.

“Vessel, how the fuck did you get in? Did I forget to lock-”

“No.” He is quick to cut you off. “You haven’t given me a key-”

It’s your turn to cut him off, “You used telekinesis to get in? Ok, maybe you don’t need a key… Where are the others, do they need a place to stay tonight?”

“No,” He somehow moves closer to you, and you instinctively take a step back. He is quick to move forward again and this time you stay still. “I want you all for myself tonight.” His hands rest on your hips, and you’re stunned.

You nod without thinking, and you’re both moving back into your bedroom. “Close the door,” Your voice is barely above a whisper, “My old roommate is supposed to drop off their key tonight. Don’t need them walking in on us…”

“When did you become shy about people seeing you-”

Your face is on fire and your eyes are suddenly wide, “Don’t.” Your voice is soft, but stern. It doesn’t matter though, it doesn’t phase Vessel. He lets out a laugh and his grip on your tenses. You reach behind him and close the door. You can feel his eyes on you through his mask.

Without skipping a beat, as soon as the door is shut, your positions are flipped. You are pushed against the door, Vessel staring down at you with his head cocked. You swallow hard and stare back at him. He’s smirking. He’s enjoying toying with you. Your heart is beating in your chest and you can’t help but swallow hard.

You aren’t scared of Vessel, you’re very much excited by him, but there is always this air of unknown when he or the others are around. It’s very much a good thing, not knowing what you’re about to get keeps you on your toes. But sometimes, you don’t want to be on your toes, you just want Vessel’s touch and that’s that.

His lips collide with yours while your head is in the clouds, bridging you back down instantly. You’re quick to kiss back when you register what’s going on and you can feel Vessel still smirking. You want to roll your eyes. His hands are moving up your shirt, towards your chest, and you gasp at the cool feeling of his fingers. It makes you tense, and you inhale sharply.

Vessel’s lips begin to trail towards your jawline and he nips at the skin. You let out a soft moan and your eyes shut. You sigh as his lips slowly move towards your ear. You are not prepared for what’s to come, you are completely oblivious. Vessel knows, and he will use that to his advantage.

“Tell me-” He growls in your ear, “Tell me what you need.”

Your eyes shoot open, and your entire body tenses. His hands freeze over your ribs, tickling the sensitive skin. Without having to think, you respond.

“You.” Your voice is airy, “I need you, Ves.”

You can feel him smile against you. He nips your earlobe and begins to kiss down your neck, towards your collarbone, but he doesn’t quite make it there. He stops as soon as he reaches the most sensitive part of your neck and he begins to bite and suck at the exposed flesh.

His fingers dance across your skin and he easily pulls a moan from you. You needily push yourself against him, and his hands instantly grab your hips and he pushes you back against the door.

‘Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be…’

One of Vessel’s hands moves towards the waistband of your underwear this time while the other keeps you against the door. His fingers push past the waistband and they dance across your outer thigh.

Another moan drags itself from your throat.

“I want everyone to know who you belong to.” His voice sends chills down your spine and  he bites down a little harder than you’re used to.

Your hips buck, and a loud cry escapes you. Vessel is quick to pull away once he realizes you’re in pain and he examines you closely.

“My love,” his voice is soft, softer than you're used to, really. “I-” He lifts up your shirt and realizes your skin is starting to bruise slightly from the grip he had on you. He lets out a sigh, “I��m sorry.”

Your breathing returns to normal, and you look at Vessel. You know that wasn’t completely on him, Sleep sometimes… Caused that. The sudden possessiveness, the sudden roughness, and the weird tone in his voice.

“It’s fine,” You whisper to him. “Really, I’m okay.” You reach upward and bump your forehead against his mask. “Now, can we continue? I’d be awfully sad if-”

Lips press to yours once more, but the kiss is more tender this time. His hands aren’t holding you against the door anymore.

Vessel begins to lead you towards your bed and you fall back onto it, staring up at him with a longing, and hunger, he could not get enough of. His hands move to the hem of your shirt and you shimmy out of it. He tosses it across the room and you lean back, his for the taking.

“Hello!” A voice comes from the other side of your door and Vessel tenses, ready to protect you. “You here, (Y/N)?”

You throw your head back and let out a quiet groan. “It’s that roommate I told you about.” You whisper up at Vessel, trying to reassure him you did not need protecting. “Yeah! Just-” Your doorknob wiggles.

Vessel seems ready to kill.

“Ok, you’re the only one home and you locked your door?” Your old roommate snorts. There is a short silence before a lightbulb seems to go off. “Oh! You’re fucking! God,” they let out a laugh, “Finally, maybe you’ll stop bein’ so… Fucking uptight!”

You cover your mouth and hold back a loud laugh. Vessel, still over you, is watching the door closely, as if the roommate could magically open it. He turns slightly towards you and you shake your head, alerting him to not do anything.

“I’m gonna leave the key on the table,” they continue to laugh, “Have a nice night (Y/N), and the person fucking (Y/N)!”

You stay silent a little longer, and after hearing the front door slam you let out a loud laugh. “What the fuck!” You can’t help but yell.

“I can see why you’ve been ‘uptight’.” Vessel does not seem as amused as you are. “We were together before they moved out?”

“Yeah, I was only uptight around them,” You’re still a giggling mess under Vessel.

Vessel relaxes, a small snort escaping him. You smile up at him and relax in turn. You cock your head to the side and just watch him for a moment, before asking, “Do you want to continue? I am uptight after all, how will I know if fucking doesn’t help if it’s not tried.” You’re trying not to laugh again. “Oh!” You giggle out, “I know what would be a real stress reliever!” Vessel looks at you, ready to hear what you have to say. “Inviting II, III, and IV over.” You snort, wiggling your eyebrows.

Vessel sighs, “I wish for your old roommate to never visit again.”

“Is that a no?” You stop giggling and become serious.

You aren’t given an answer, instead cold hands grab at your sides and Vessel’s lips are pressed against yours. You are quickly quieted. You let out a gasp, and Vessel’s tongue slips into your mouth.

Whether the others come over or not, it is going to be a long night.

[bqstqnbruin]

See You Again

I'm actually posting a fic for the first time in seven months aka the first fic I've finished in seven months peace love teaching

anyway, I wrote this for the lovely @wyattjohnston's summer fic exchange! I got to write for @selfindulgentpoorlywritten but I've never written for Nico before, so I hope you like this (I was fully inspired by my own mess of a life)

Edit since I’m a dumbass thank you to @kat-hearts for reading this first and being amazing ily 😭

One of the characters, Nat is nonbinary, and I did my best to make the reader gender netural, which I haven't done before on either account, so I hope I did it justice (if something is glaringly wrong, please let me know!)

Warnings: I was mean with the ending? A little? Also, some swearing, drinking, almost physical fighting

Word Count: almost 2.8k

_______________________________________

“When was the last time you saw him?”

You tried to shift through your memory to figure that out. In person, the last time was sometime in the first week of December about two years ago. Thinking about him, which thankfully didn’t count, would involve you giving a much more recent answer, way more recent than you would really like to admit. “I don’t remember.” 

“Well,” your roommate Nat says, looking down at their phone. “I have bad news.”

“Fucking hell,” you moan, tilting your head to hit the back of the seat of the Uber. You knew what they were going to say before the words even started to come out of their mouth.

“Nico is going to be there tonight. With all the guys.” You let out another groan, the Uber driver giving you a scowl through the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry! Jack didn’t know he was coming, or he would have told us way before we got ready.” 

You stare out the window, trying to think of all the ways that you could get out of this situation. You already paid for the Uber and didn’t want to pay for another one. You weren’t about to go somewhere by yourself, especially since the bar you were heading towards wasn’t within a reasonable walking distance if you were to go somewhere by yourself, and no way was Nat going to leave with you without Jack, and Jack, of course, wasn't going to leave without his teammates. 

“We can go back right now and I’ll tell Jack to have fun with his team instead,” Nat tells you as if they could read your mind. They put their hand over yours, trying to give you any sense of calm that was setting into your panic. “We do not have to be around Nico.” 

“What kind of person tells someone they like them but not enough to date them?” you mutter, knowing you and Nat have had this conversation many times on your kitchen floor, drunk and crying together at 2 in the morning. They had introduced you to Nico one night after a game when the team went out to celebrate. They had been dating Jack for about a year at that point, meeting him through his brother at Michigan and reconnecting when they both realized they were going to be in New Jersey together. Quinn had used the reasoning of, “he won’t know anyone in the state,” only for everyone to realize later that he knew Jack had been smitten with Nat since they met. If only you had been so lucky. 

You had known of Nico, obviously. How could you not? He was the captain of the Devils, the team you grew up surrounded by, the number one draft pick in the sport your roommate never shut up about. He covered your social media feeds without you really wanting them to and everyone you knew talked about what a great game he had the night before. You couldn’t escape the idea of him, no matter where you went. 

When you met him that night a few years back, there was something about him in person that you were drawn to. He had been just an idea to you, not someone you could think about as being real. You spent that entire night with him, your friends either wandering off or you too enthralled with Nico to notice that they were there. Nat and Jack were heading back to your place before last call, and you were left knowing that you had to see Nico again.  

He asked if he could kiss you, making you melt as his hand gently snaked its way to your cheek, pulling you close when you said yes and covering your mouth with his. You waited for his text the next day, anxiously checking your phone until he finally did after 3 pm. From then on, you told each other everything, texting each other whenever you could, him calling you and heading over to your apartment whenever he didn’t have an obligation to the team. You fell hard for him and you had believed that he felt the same about you. 

“The kind of person who doesn’t know what they have until it’s gone,” Nat tells you, trying to pep you up. “Hey, we can find you a guy that is just as hot as Nico tonight.” 

“I’m gonna move to Ireland and isolate myself with the spuds.”

“Act like you can be away from me for that long,” they tease, earning a laugh from you. “I’m serious, though. Tell me what you want to do, or who you want to do, and Jack and I will make it happen.”

You didn’t want someone just as hot as Nico, you wanted Nico. You hated the fact that there was more than one time that you had pulled up his messages on your phone, part of you unable to delete that conversation thread even though you knew it would be the healthy thing to do. But you weren’t known amongst your friends for doing what was best for your mental wellbeing, so you kept them, going back through the conversations you had in the four months you were seeing him. The last text was what haunted you the most, him telling you that he was going to be back in Switzerland for the summer and that he ‘didn’t want you tied down to one person’ while he was gone.

He said he would text you when he was back. 

He never did. 

There were multiple times when you wanted to text him, but you never did, either. 

“Yeah,” you manage to choke out. “Let’s do it.” 

You spend the rest of the ride in silence, trying to think of where in the bar you would be able to hide from Nico so that he wouldn’t see you. The guys were already inside, Jack telling Nat about 10 minutes ago that they went to start drinking as fast as they could. 

The bar was somehow muggy inside, as if the beer itself hung in the air rather than the sweat of the nearly one hundred drunk people that were crowding every square inch of the floor. Jack was easy to spot for Nat, his five foot eleven frame not the largest of his teammates, but still distinct enough that your roommate had left your side within seconds of entering to be with their partner. 

So much for finding you someone tonight. 

You tried to stay away from him, closer to Nat and Jack as best as you could, but they kept wandering off from you. The last thing you wanted to do was go with them when they were both on their way to drunk and have a history of doing slightly illegal things in the bathrooms at bars. 

You had to find someone to talk to. Any person who looked interesting. Any other guy on the team who you were friends with, but that was really only Jack, and that was really only because he’s dating Nat. Your phone was your only comfort, finding a table that had been pushed up against the wall and hoping that there was something you could doom scroll on that would distract you from looking towards Nico. 

He had the right to do what he wanted at the bar with his teammates. You weren’t together. 

“You ok?” you hear during a lull in the music, pulling you away from your phone for a moment. You didn’t know who was standing in front of you, one of the newer guys from the trade deadline that Nat definitely hadn’t introduced you to. He was waiting for you to respond, looking like he had wanted to sit down with you.

“Yeah, just, not a big ‘going out’ person.”

He lets out a nervous laugh, a smile that sends a jolt through your system that you hadn’t felt in a while. Since Nico, if you were really willing to be honest with yourself. “Me neither, honestly. I’m just here because I didn’t have anything else to do.” 

“I got dragged here with my roommate so they can be with their boyfriend,” you tell him, gesturing to Nat and Jack trying their best to sneak out of the bathroom, Jack’s shirt buttoned wrong, both of their previously neatly styled hair in a mess that you only saw after hearing them the night before. 

“So that’s the infamous Nat,” he says, taking the seat beside you. You nod as he continues, “Jack never shuts up about them. Not that Jack shuts up about anything or anyone, ever, but especially not Nat.” 

“I always knew he was a good one,” you tell him, introducing yourself so he knew you as more than just, ‘his teammate's partner’s roommate.’

“I’m Timo.” 

You spent the rest of the night bouncing between the table and the bar with Timo, him buying you every drink you wanted. There was something about him that was different, but you couldn’t focus all of your attention on him. 

He was talking about his time in San Jose while you were waiting for your next round of drinks. You couldn’t focus on a word he was saying, Nico within your line of sight talking to a girl. A really attractive girl, you might add. You felt your heart drop, feeling a lump in your throat forming faster than you could lie to yourself about that scene having no effect on you. Naturally, Nico would talk to other people. You hadn’t talked to him in two years, let alone seen him in person. Just because you couldn’t get over him, no matter how hard you tried, that didn’t mean he didn’t get over you.

“And then I got traded here, and I love it, so far,” you tune back into Timo, who is suddenly much closer than you remember. It’s just because the bar is loud, people are starting to crowd for drinks, and, fuck, you have to admit, he’s pretty hot. 

Nico was still watching. 

Timo took your hand, leading you off to the table where you were before, the drinks in your hand probably not ones that you needed to begin with. His free hand snaked its way to your waist, pulling you close to him. You could feel your heart racing faster with every inch he got closer to you. You wanted him to kiss you. 

You thought you did. 

“I’m sorry,” you pull away right as his lips were about to meet yours, tears starting to form in your eyes, leaving the drink he bought you in his hands as you ran from him. Your breath catches in your throat while you try to find Nat and Jack, just praying that they weren’t back in the bathroom or too intoxicated in general to help out. 

You heard Timo calling after you, somehow, through the volume of the music and your own drunkenness, breaking through and getting to you. You didn’t want Timo calling your name, you wanted it to be Nico. 

You needed it to be Nico. 

“Hey, hey,” you hear, feeling a familiar hand gently place itself on your arm. You turn around, Nico’s face a mixture of concern and fury. “What did he do?” 

“He, he,” you stammer, the tears falling faster the more you looked at him, every memory you had with him suddenly rushing back into your mind. “He didn’t do anything. You did.”

You yank your arm from him, trying to find anywhere to be in the building that didn’t have one of Nico’s teammates looking at you causing a scene. You knew he was following you, calling your name again and again over the music. People were starting to stare, but no part of you cared, trying harder to not let the tears that were burning your eyes fall down your cheeks. 

Nat and Jack were nowhere to be seen, the rest of Nico’s teammates trying to figure out what was going on when you burst through the front door of the bar, the cold fall air hitting your face as soon as you did. You let out a sob, trying to steady yourself against the wall of the building, sliding down to the ground while people waiting to get in tried to figure out if they should help you or if you were just another drunk person having some sort of meltdown that was none of their business. 

“Hey,” you hear, a soft voice coming from above you. “I’m so sorry if I did something wrong.” Timo slid down next to you. “I read the situation wrong, I thought you were also into me.”

“I am, I just,” you start, trying to think of what to say. 

“Hey, what the fuck did you do?” Nico yells, pulling Timo off the ground. “What did he do to make you cry?”

“Nico, stop,” you let out, Timo looking both confused and terrified by his new captain’s hand on his shirt collar. “He didn’t do anything.”

“What the fuck did I miss?” Timo asked, slowly trying to back away from Nico staring you down. 

“Why can you talk to other people and I can’t?” you ask him, feeling your sadness turn into anger. “You had no issue not talking to me for the last two years.” 

“I’m gonna go,” Timo lets out, barely loud enough for the two of you to hear and sneaking away before you could notice. 

“You didn’t want to talk to me,” Nico counters, taking a step towards you. “But you wanted to talk to TImo instead?”

“Where the fuck did you get that idea?” 

“You never texted me. You’ve spent the entire night avoiding me. You think I didn’t see you when you were by yourself on your phone?” 

“You were in Sweden. And you could have come up to me and talked to me, what was stopping you? Oh, that’s right, your new girlfriend.”

“Switzerland. And she’s not my girlfriend. I haven’t seen anyone in ages.”

“Wherever you were, you weren’t here,” you tell him, your back against the wall. How long had it been since he had last seen someone? There was no way you had been the last person he was with. “You told me you didn’t want to be tied down while you were back home. You didn’t even want to talk to me, because if you did, you would have.” 

“You’re joking,” he scoffs. “You think I didn’t want to talk to you? Every fucking day I have thought about how our conversations would go when I saw you after you get home from work. I would think about you telling me about your day, about everything you would tell Nat, or whoever you were seeing at the time. Every single person I saw in the last two years, I wanted them to be you.” 

You didn’t know what to say, letting Nico’s words sink in. “Then why didn’t you text me when you came back from Switzerland?” 

Nico took in a deep breath, closing his eyes and tilting his head up to the sky. “Because I thought there was no way someone else wouldn’t have realized how amazing you are. There was no way I could be someone who you thought was worth waiting for.” 

Nico takes a step towards you, his hand gently taking yours. This was a moment you had been thinking about since he left for Switzerland two years ago. You knew he was going to kiss you, having you pinned against the wall of the building. His free hand cupped your cheek.

“There you guys are!” Nat interrupts, them and Jack clearly having just finished up doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Nico steps away from you, clearing his throat, the red in his cheeks so noticeable there was no way even your roommate wouldn’t comment on it later.  “We’ve been looking for you, for um.”

“Long enough,” Jack finishes their sentence, a stupid smile covering his face. You knew he was lying, but no part of your brain was letting you focus on that. Nico leaned against the building, his arm up over your head. “The uber’s almost here. Are you ready to go?”

No. “Yes.” 

The three of you leave Nico standing there by himself, Nat and Jack falling asleep in the Uber as soon as it gets on the highway. 

You check your phone for the first time in a while, a lone notification popping up on your phone that hadn’t been there in almost two years. 

‘Nico, iMessage.’ 

[beneathsilverstars]

I just want to say. Thank you for making me read stormlight archive book one through the power of isat hc of siffrin having a shallan alter. I know shittttt rn but i was like "oh this is kinda boring actually" then jasnah went all "philosophy in action" and that was morally dubious as fuck so obviously i fell in love then i promptly did the same thing i did when i was 12 and reading asoiaf and read all shallan chapters and then the whole book so yeah this fucks the alethi suck ass and its awesome. hate thinking about philosophy of war because my brain hurts so i am still ehhh over dalinar and but its so fucking cool.

omfggg i'm glad you're enjoying it! they're huge fucking books and i agree sometimes there's a pov i'm not as excited about, but it switches around bc every character has their high points! like i'm not a big dalinar fan either but there's a bit with him that was like. life-changing advice for me. also please imagine with me jasnah and odile meeting and discussing their respective worlds' magic!! ^^

if you're reading it for plural reasons though i will warn you, there's a major plot point with shallan that is like. not offensive like it's not horror trope type shit, but it's perhaps an unideal narrative choice. i'm sure bsand consulted with people who have DID while plotting and writing, but the taste of a couple people doesn't speak for everyone, yknow? major spoilers so here's a cut:

(edit: i've been informed that the upcoming book shows that it's not as major as i thought it was, so if you'd rather not be spoiled by my warning, don't worry too much.)

shallan's whole arc is about learning and accepting truths about her past and facets of herself instead of dissociating and repressing, so the culmination of the storyline with her alters (so far at least?) was fusion. she split her alters off rather purposefully, like, "i need to be x sort of person in order to succeed in this situation, so that person i shall be." eventually she realizes/decides that she can succeed as shallan, and can make better use of each altar's strengths and knowledge all together rather than being split up like this, so she fuses them back into her shallan self.

(EDIT: turns out one of the alters Is still around in the upcoming book, just not fronting anymore. so it's not complete fusion!)

i haven't reread the entire series for a bit and only recently learned a substantial amount about DID and systems, so like. i remember her as being respectfully written with a cohesive, satisfying arc. but i don't remember the details clearly enough to make a new judgement with my new knowledge, and even then i'm not plural and everyone is different anyway, so idk how much of an ick the fusion thing is or whether there's any other issues!

[wannab-urs]

HallowReads Celebration

I'm not much of a graphic maker and I'm not great at making playlists for other people, so I decided to contribute to this lovely celebration in the way I usually celebrate fic writers in this fandom: Recs!

And listen, I know I have uhhh quite a few mutuals here. I'm not trying to leave anyone out. I love you all very much. I'm only making one of these though and there's only 4 questions lol.

My favourite fanfic I read this year

Lavender by @justagalwhowrites Description: An age-gap grumpy/sunshine friends-to-lovers (and eventually friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers) fanfic that starts pre-outbreak. Series is now complete and spans from Spring, 2000, through Fall, 2029, in the HBO timeline. My thoughts: It's hard to pick a favorite fic. I have read a little over 500 fics since April of this year. But this one has stuck with me so hard. I keep coming back to it over and over. It is beautifully written, heart wrenching, absolutely wonderful. The no outbreak AU will heal you from the trauma of reading the original version, but listen... it's worth it. The characters, the plot, the imagery, everything is so incredible. If you haven't read this... what are you doing?

A beloved fanfic with my comfort character

Celestial Navigation by @write-and-buried Description: dumped and drowning in a summer storm, you duck inside a coffee shop to hide from your broken heart. Covered in plants and hand drawn images over exposed brick, it seems like a slice of heaven. The owner brings you a blueberry muffin and a promise; you'll fall in love with him before the new year. My thoughts: Dieter is my comfort character, 100%. I love him with all my heart. This fic... It takes everything I love about the character of Dieter, puts him into an eccentric millionaire coffee shop AU, mixes in a little bit of that supernatural witchy vibe I love... and it stole my heart. I read this very very early on in my PPCU days and I have since read it 3 times. And I really don't do rereads often. This fic is absolutely beautiful. It's my fucking Roman Empire, man. I think about it at least daily.

A fanfic I wish more people knew about

Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat Description: You've recently taken on the customer-facing responsibilities of the small-scale cannabis bakery you and your late husband ran out of your apartment, which introduces you to occasional customer, Dieter Bravo. A friendship is sparked when you realize you have something in common: you've both died. What Dieter doesn't tell you about his near-death experience, though, is that it foretold his life with you. My thoughts: This is one of those fics you think would have 1000 notes and then you look and it has less than 200 on each chapter. This fic is criminally underrated. Psychomanteum is one of the main reasons I even started writing fanfic. I hadn't considered how deeply moving and beautiful a fic could be until I read this. I think I was originally drawn in by the spooky vibes and I was hooked immediately by the world building, the characters, the exploration of grief and trauma. I cannot sing this fic or aly's praises enough. Everyone should read this.

A fanfic with my favourite trope/AU

Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare Description: Languishing in a dull and lonely existence on the forest moon of Endor after travelling there to help salvage Death Star wreckage, a nearly fatal encounter with a mysterious bounty hunter out in the forest heralds an opportunity to utilise long-forgotten skills and develop something more profound than you ever thought possible. My thoughts: So my favorite trope is slow burn. This is... an exceptional slow burn. The tension is there pretty much right from the beginning, but it's like 25 whole chapters before the smut happens I think? Don't quote me on that but it's like nearly halfway in to a fic that is very, very long. On to why this is my favorite slowburn ever: The worldbuilding is beautiful. The characterization of Din is one of the best I've literally ever seen. Reader is incredible. Every choice made by the author is so smart and well-researched and planned out. The plot is fantastic, the characters are amazing, the imagery, the tension, the character development. If you love Din, you have to read this. It is beautiful.

A fanfic with my favourite trope/AU Part 2

I simply can't resist a M/M/F sex pollen fic

Of Gorgons and Gardens by @concussed-to-pieces

Description: a Death Watch-raised Mando that takes the Creed incredibly seriously and an Ezra that's well armed -- sex pollen in the form of a weird plant

My thoughts: I am a SLUT for sex pollen fics, so obviously that was excellent. I also love how it was like "oh the plant makes men want to fuck women" but hinted that neither of them would be particularly upset about fucking each other either. This fic is almost absurdly smutty (but also kinda sweet) in part one, and then part two was so sweet. Like yeah yeah horrible harrowing near death experience yada yada... the STUBBLE SCENE??? The PAIN KINK?? the TOUCHING?? I just about died. And then in part three we get my top all time kink PLUS Din and Ezra and Reader just being so sweet it hurts a little. I am feral for these boys UGH. If you like MMF, read all three parts. If you just like poor pining Din and some insane sex pollen that's a little more MFM than MMF, just read part one. Either way... this fic is insanely good man.

-------

I could and have recced so many fics. It was very difficult for me for to choose just these five, when the spreadsheet is well over 500 fics now. Check out my Fic Rec Masterlist for a comprehensive list of my recommendations.

[wolfofansbach]

Personal thoughts and meditations upon the occasion of the Riverdale series finale. 

Probably like four people are going to read this but I feel compelled to write it out anyway. This show has genuinely been a massive part of my life. I watched the first episode because some high school friends encouraged me to (IRONICALLY, BRO). I was in high school when I started this show. Those friends of course long ago fell away, unable to continue, unable to wacth anymore, but I have kept the faith. All seven seasons. Every. Single. Episode.

I’m not even entirely sure what captivated me so much about the show. I loved the atmosphere of season 1. I genuinely wanted to find out who killed Jason Blossom. Was genuinely fucked up by episode 1 x 12 and the first season finale.

I have such fond memories of watching the first season. I distinctly remember a road-trip I Tok with my friends the summer of 2017, and joking about  maple syrup drug empires and the “weirdo” line back when that was the wildest scene on the show. Joking about how sick of the song ‘Believer’ by Imagine Dragons (2017) we were. 

And then I decided to get involved in a fandom for the first time in a couple of years, and so I revived my old Tumblr, and I began Posting. And reading posts.  

That was my last summer after high school and I was so nervous about college but this show and this fandom helped me get through it. My freshman year I lived in a dorm, and if you wanted to watch TV you had to go down to this common room, so every Thursday I would go down there like an hour ahead of time and occupy the place to make sure the remote was in my hands by 7 PM. A few times I failed, and I missed an episode because of it. But rarely! 

I remember that slowly dawning feeling as season 2 progressed. Scrolling my Tumblr feed and slowly seeing people come to the realization: “wait…is it just me or does this show actually suck.” Was kind of frustrating at the time, realizing that the writers just like…were bad, but in retrospect? Beautiful. Incredible. Legendary. 

And you could even say that’s where the fun really began. Yes, there’s plenty to hate, but also Riverdale is brilliant. The show of all time. For real. No other show has done it like Riverdale. They just haven't, and they never will. The age of the cable television teen drama is ending, and what a hell of a last hurrah Riverdale has been.

The Red Circle. Jingle Jangle. The Gargoyle King. Edgar Evernever and his fantastic rocket. Bret Weston Wallis and Donna Sweett (genuinely cannot say their names without giggling). Jughead getting hit in the head with a rock and faking his death for like…some reason? I genuinely can’t remember, something to do with the Hardy Brothers idk. Tabitha sprinkling the devil with the tears of the Virgin Mary. The normies can laugh all they want about “epic highs and lows” but do they remember the even funnier lines like “if there’s no wedding, that means the gargoyle king has won” or “word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance…” THEY NEVER WILL. ONLY THE TRUE FAITHFUL UNDERSTAND. 

And is silly as it all was, I have genuine affection for these characters. Like Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Archie, Cheryl, Toni, actually mean a lot to me. YES they’re fake but I want the best for them (and for Beronica to be canon but you know we can’t win them all). I’m genuinely grateful that this show has existed and been a part of my life for the past six years. 

Moreover, I credit this show for seriously getting into writing. I’ve actually written almost a million words of Riverdale fanfiction. Much of it will never see the light of day, but it exists. Maybe I even have one or two left in me, I don’t know. At the very least I’d like to finish a few uncompleted fics. But I’ve also branched out. Since I started seriously writing in 2017, I’ve also finished several original manuscripts, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll get one published. Stranger things have happened. 

So, thanks Roberto.

And thanks to all of the very cool people I’ve run into in this fandom. I honestly wish I’d gotten to know most of you better, but them’s the breaks. Hopefully this isn’t weird but I’m going to tag a few people in particular. 

@village-skeptic. I know you’re not in the fandom anymore (lucky you), but thank you for, once upon a time, reading every one of the 200,000+ words of a 17-year-old kid’s turgid, indulgent, Riverdale Spanish Civil War fan fiction. I never, ever would have finished that story without you, and I credit it with giving me the confidence to keep writing, and in fact to write everything I’ve written since then. You’re brilliant and awesome. 

@satelliteinasupernova. Thank you for also reading Interbellum (are we noticing a pattern), and more importantly for all of your wonderful drawings. INCLUDING fanart of some of my fics. You have no idea how happy that Strange Death of Elizabeth Cooper piece made me. You rule. 

@sullypants. You were a perennial presence on my feed. Always wonderful to see. I love your taste in art, and I love those ‘penguin classics’ covers you made for a few of my fics. Thank you also for beta reading a few fics for me back in the glory days. And thank you for chatting with me a couple times over the years, including a few times when I was in quite unhappy places. 

@stillhidden. I’m not sure if we’ve ever actually talked, but you like or reblog everything I post and it makes me feel like I’m not just shouting into the void. Same goes for @frauleinfunf Thank God for dutiful mutuals. 

@sonyascomet. I can’t remember when I started following you but you have a really good sense of humor. And I’ll always remember when you kept posting about “Greg” for Succession and I, not knowing anything about Succession, kept imagining Greg Heffley. 

@stillhidden thank you for your world-weary Riverdale posts. You truly understand fandom like few others.

@halcooper. Your devotion to the neglected parents of Riverdale is truly admirable. Every time I see Lochlyn Munro in some weird low budget horror movie I’ll think of you.

I hope I didn’t forget anyone who would be offended by my forgetting, but I doubt it. 

All this to say this show has been a genuinely huge part of my life for six years. SIX YEARS. I graduated college, my God. I wish I could say I became a millionaire or a successful author in that time, but nah. Maybe one day, but for now I’m just kind of vibing. And unfortunately, I’ll have to vibe without Riverdale from now on. 

But as I sit myself down to watch the very last episode of this show, I remind myself that we’ll always have the memories. And I’ll always be an unapologetic Riverdale enjoyer. As a great man once said, snakes don’t shed their skins so easily. 

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Yesterday I posted about several Britcom tourism things I did in London, which were far too niche to make sense, or possibly to justify doing at all, but were still probably the coolest things I've done in at least 5 years. Here, though, is a far more reasonable bit of comedy tourism:

I left 2 pens, from my dad and I, because when I was young he and I read all the Hitchhiker's Guide and Dirk Gently books together, then did Last Chance to See and Salmon of Doubt. By "together", I mean he read the to me even though I was more than old enough to read on my own (11-13, I think, we went through them all a bit at a time over a couple of years), but if was a fun bonding thing and I think he wanted to share them with me because they were books he loved when he was younger.

After I left the pens there I realized that's probably some sort of thing we're not supposed to do, I'm sure it's bad for the environment or something. Like the marmalade sandwiches. Oh well, already done.

The other thing since the last update was I saw Daniel Kitson's show, which was absolutely incredible (turns out comedy is cooler in person than on a recording!), and I would write about that, but 1) I have to get off this train soon and wouldn't have time to nearly do it justice, and 2) afterward I met him briefly and got a picture with him and completely lost the ability to speak and I cannot think too hard about that without cringing. John Robins and Elis James talk about the phenomenon of "getting it wrong" when you meet your heroes and how this can be a problem because you might not be able to enjoy their work anymore without remembering the time you got it wrong, ironic that that's who described the concept to me as the main person with whom that's happened to me is John Robins (I haven't even met John Robins... but his friend telling you "I found your Tumblr blog" and then taking down a YouTube video because you shared it has to be the ultimate getting it wrong). I can't really listen to John Robins now and really need that to not happen with Kitson, I'm very glad we've added a last-minute ticket to see him Thursday so the overriding memory will be that amazing show, and not being unable to look at him or speak when some people very kindly got him to meet me and he very kindly agreed to take a picture even though he is on record as saying he hates everyone who likes him. But he did not seem to hate us, he was incredibly nice, I am very glad I did that and will be very glad I have that picture once I am able to look at it, which is not now so it's not getting posted. It might not have helped that I spent the journey here listening to recordings of him from 2003-2006, when he largely spoke about hating everyone who likes him. It may be outdated information. You cannot hold people to everything they said in 2004.

...Right, I'd like to stop thinking about that now, though as usual in a this-blog-is-cheaper-than-therapy way, I feel slightly better for having written it down. Actually writing about the show will take much more time than that, so I won't even try for now as I'm off to other stuff (but holy fuck was it ever cool to see live and it is so very good right now). Got another big comedy tourism thing coming up this morning. To the 3 separate people who've informed me in the last 2 days that they're enjoying reading this as though it's an actual travel blog... I may, by later today, have some comedy tourism pictures that are actually of interest to the Tumblr community and not just my niches. So that'll be fun.

Mind the gap. I'm still not over that.

[cosmerelists]

True Confessions of a Cosmere Blogger

[There's a Stormlight spoiler in here! For Oathbringer specifically]

Followers, friends, people who ended up here through tumblr's broken search function: it is time. Time for me to lay bare all of my most terrible secrets as a Cosmere blogger. I am ready, and I hope you are too, for these very honest and real confessions.

1. I don't fucking know how to spell Gavinar Galivar Gavilar's name

Real talk: I had to look up the spelling to make this joke because I couldn't remember which was the right spelling and which were the wrong spellings. It's the grandson, I think. It's not fair to have Gavilar (I had to look at the wiki again) and Gavinor (I had to look this up too) have such similar names, not to mention Dalinar (I'm good there) making me forget whether it's the L or the V first in that dude's name. Seriously, this guy's name is the hardest part of writing any Roshar list.

2. My wife came up with my most popular list

I think my very first post is still my most popular: "How Other Cosmere Characters Would Convince The Stick to Become Fire." And who came up with this awesome idea? My wife! I was hemming and hawing about whether to actually start this blog, and she was like, "Hey, what about a list where everyone tries to convince the stick to become fire?" and let me tell you, that list wrote itself--I couldn't type fast enough. The jokes may be mine, but the idea, which is the funniest part, was all her.

My wife had another really good list idea that I still haven't written, since I haven't found a way to do it justice, but when I finally write it, I bet it'll do great.

3. I don't watch Brandon Sanderson's videos

I don't know. I just have trouble watching Videos On The Internet. I had to FORCE myself to watch the Secret Projects announcement since nobody would say what it was, and that was super hard.

4. I don't read fanfic

I think my blog would classify as fanfic, so it would be fair to say that I write it but I don't read it. I've only read like two fics in my life, and they were both because the girl I had a crush on at the time ordered me to (and yes...it was Wincest). No real idea why I don't read it; just something about my brain, I guess. It does mean that I am trying to understand shipping dynamics and fan preferences through tumblr osmosis, which is why my shipping-based lists may occasionally just leave out some huge pairing I was entirely unaware of (like Navani & Ialai, apparently! Whoops)

5. This is my third list blog

I like to pretend that "list blog" is a genre. It actually worked for a while! I had atlalists first--I joined tumblr because I was writing lists for my own amusement and my roommate at the time told me they thought it would do well on tumblr-- and then bleachlists. Bleachlists was the height of my success; I got so many asks & list requests that I had to create a whole separate blog, askbleachlists, just to handle them. I wrote three lists...A DAY. And some other people made their own "list blogs" inspired by bleachlists, which was wonderful. People made art--I still have some of the bleach art people made hanging in my office. It was fun! Then I left tumblr for a while, and now I'm back with cosmerelists.

6. I thought about making this blog a LONG time before I did it

It just felt really scary! The Cosmere has so much lore and so many characters and so many magic systems and I do NOT have a handle on it all. I read Stormlight Archive 2 1/2 times in preparation, hoping to at least have a handle on that part. But what helped, actually, was going to the Cosmere DragonCon panel last year, listening to the questions, and realizing that nobody really understood the majority of what was going on. So that made me feel better. And in the end, it was just something I wanted to do, and it's my way of enjoying a fandom, so I thought I'd give it a try.

7. Sometime I forget major plot points (Oathbringer spoiler)

I put Demid in a poll as a Bondsmith candidate and people were like, "isn't he dead?" I still don't remember him dying. I'm so sorry, Demid.

At least I can spell your name...right?

[zombolouge]

BRACE YOURSELF ITS QUESTION TIME

What’s your current writing project(s)? How do you feel about it, how far along are you? Anything else you want to share about it?

I LOVE YOU JELLY you sent me so many kickass asks that I can't wait to answer. I shall do one every other day so I don't spam my followers and also so I can mull over all the answers in a ponderous, serious manner. ;)

Currently still poking the rapidly expanding middle of Fanatical, my sequel to Indefensible in my Ace Attorney series. Indefensible picks up about a couple months after AA6: Spirit of Justice and follows through an original plotline in the AA universe. I wrote my own cases for it and tried very much to make reading them feel just like it would if you were playing a new game, except I showed all the emotional bits in between the investigation/trial scenes. I also gave full arcs to like...all the fucking characters so this bitch was long lolol but I am exceedingly proud of it and will show it to anyone who even remotely expresses an interest in AA with big, pleading eyes, hoping that they'll read it.

Fanatical takes place about 7-ish months after the epilogue of Indefensible, picking up with a certain auspicious wedding and then immediately plunging all our favorite lawyers into further mysteries. I found while writing Indefensible that I absolutely love writing mystery, even though it also makes me insane, and there were (unbelievably) a few things I didn't get to cover in the first 500k words I wrote. So as I approached the ending of Indefensible, I started thinking about if I had enough to build into another fic, realized I did, and got to work on that. It currently has about 90k of it posted, another 50k written (out of order, which is why I can't post any of it yet lol).

It's been vexing me for a few months because there were some details of the plot my brain hadn't fully visualized yet. I'm getting much, MUCH closer to having a clear vision of it, though. I've finally got the plot beats mapped out, and I can finally see which characters in particular needed a little more attention to their arcs. It's pretty hard to write mystery, even harder to write it when I have at least 21 individual characters to map out an arc for, and something so complex definitely takes time to fully consider. I feel bad that it's been so slow going and that I had to take a break from it, but I haven't put it on full hiatus yet since it's still the project I'm focused on.

So far the theme is clear to me, though, and the biggest plot beats are firm, it's just a few of the subplots that need some TLC. Not every character has to be active for every part of the plot, but I do need to know where their head is at and what they're doing, and how that will intersect with the parts they are actively participating in.

I'm hoping that I can get it on the page before the new Dragon Age game comes out, because that WILL force Fanatical into hiatus because I'll immediately be working on DA stuff. If I don't have most/all of Fanatical done by end of September, it's hiatus will probably be another long one, and I'm very stressed about that. Hoping those that have read it will forgive me, since they already had to weather a years' long hiatus on Indefensible. Did my best to make it worth the wait, tho. ;)

Thank you for giving me a chance to ramble about these things, I LOVE talking about my work and processes and thoughts about characters and stuff, so I always welcome asks. <3

[prince-liest]

The last bus stop in hell is a new favourite. I went absolutely insane when I realised what the fuck Alastor did to get out. The gun shots felt genuinely shocking, I could feel just how angry and out of control Alastor felt when he pulled the trigger and it wasn't even from his perspective!!!!! Genuinely think the fact that you've written this from Angel's pov was a genius move, it keeps the mystery of not ever quite knowing what Alastor's thinking that we have in canon whilst still letting us feel just how angry and violated and reactionary Alastor is in that moment when he lifts the gun and tells Val to beg so he can force Val into a position of weakness and kill him like that. Waffhdhdhgv going crazy stupid. Genuinely think Alastor's pov would have made this a tougher sell (you've kept the fic really kind despite everything. You haven't dragged pain out for the sake of showing pain and I think it works.)

Thinking about how Val uses what he taught Angel, how in your fic Angel mirrors Val is so many little ways because he learnt everything from him and yet still, Angel is a genuinely kind, caring individual despite everything when Val so obviously... Isn't

Thinking about the fact that as proven here, Alastor could look like shit and still no one would dare to so much as look at him too long

Thinking about how genuinely good husk is to still want to make sure "Alastor's" going to be ok even though he's scared shitless. thinking about how kind he is to Angel

Also LOVING the little. Anon culture you have built here. Giving myself a call sign emote.

- ☠️ -spirits

It's 8am and I've already been awake for 4 hours and the brain cells I have remaining just want to go /cups hands around this ask and holds it close to my heart

You have pinpointed so many of the things I was hoping to convey in this story and it just gives me the warm and fuzzies. I was a little unsure about how the subject matter of this fic would be received and y'all have consistently made me very happy I decided to write it. Just. Heart emoji!! Thank you, anon! (Also what a great emoji to choose, hahaha. The anon culture kinda built itself, ILY guys and also cannot believe there are so many!)

Speaking of which: MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT! If you sent me something about the fic last night it's probably down there!!

THE NEW CHAPTER WAS INSANEE ???? SCREAMING OH MY GOD ALASTOR STRAIGHT UP SHOT VALENTINO ??? (until he was nothing but mush 😨) speechless beyond words but it was SO good and cathartic omg i was literally on the edge of my seat in suspense 😭😭😭

Hahaha, thank you so much! Honestly absolutely lovely to hear—I think the general response to this chapter can be summarized as "oh my god" and this pleases me immensely. 💛

Angel Dust finally being able to cry when Husk backed away from him, ouch my heart 😭 Also Alastor not being able to use any of his usual radio demon powers but still managing to be the scariest person in the room. Very well written. I don't usually read stuff this dark but I'm really glad I decided to.

Huskerdust are my little gold vein of goodness threading through the horrible bedrock of the rest of this fic, haaa, and I really wanted that moment of catharsis for Angel himself... and YES!! Alastor was a scary motherfucker before he ever became the Radio Demon and I'm so glad that came through. Is he okay? No. But he's ready to make that everybody else's problem.

Thank you for taking a chance on this very murdered dove! I am genuinely very flattered to have the opportunity to make a dark fic a nonetheless good read for you!

An absolutely stellar chapter, as always! Your writing kills it every time and your descriptions are staggering in their detail! I adore how many emotions you made me go through during Alastor's entrance alone; from realizing that he escaped on his own, learning that his leg was injured in the process, to finding out that his mouth is bloodied. I crumpled on into myself. Agh! Of *course* he'd chew through it rather than just breaking/snapping it off. Truly a one of a kind man. So much showing without telling! It's all wonderful and your work is always such a delight to read. I'm not normally one who physically reacts to writing, but wow some of the scenes in this chapter had me flinching! This was most definitely a ramble that I could have simply commented under the chapter itself; all that to say that I am very excited for the next chapter and all of the aftermath to follow! 💫💫💫💫💫

P.S. Thank you for giving Alastor a gun. It is what he deserves. ❤️

Alastor DOES deserve a gun, ehehehe. Honestly so pleased that this has stood out to you as an example of showing without telling specifically because Angel Dust's extremely traumatized POV has been godly for opportunities to do that and it's been a very fun way to write. Gosh, this ask just means a lot to me in general, thank you SO much for your lovely words!

[irrlicht-writes]

Hello, first of all, I love your writing, I wish I could write like you ;u;, I really admire your dedication. I used to write on AO3, but I haven't done it for 5 years.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my opinion that, Vox doesn't deserve to be with Alastor because he is not a good partner for him. He always claims that he loves Alastor with all his heart, but it seems superficial, and here are my point

1. Vox almost abused Alastor in *Etched* if it weren’t for Alastor ripping his cables out. Maybe he would have succeeded.

2. Vox never sacrifices anything for Alastor. Even though Alastor doesn’t admit that "he loves him," he always gives him everything and sacrificed even his heart for him. And Vox didn’t even bother to defend him, nor did he care to believe him. He’s too selfish and delusional to admit any fault. I feel like he's the kind of person who feels guilty but believes that feeling bad is enough. He has never apologized to Alastor face to face while he's awake.

3. He never apologized for cheating on him with Elliot, Valentino, or Tornado.

4. He keeps being an idiot and supporting Redfall BOTH TIMES. My theory is that Redfall reminds him of how he was when he was alive, so he normalizes and justifies this type of person.

5. He left Alastor starving at his house and decided to ignore him, trying to convince himself that Alastor doesn’t love him, even though he kept his damn company. And then he abandons him again because obviously, his company is more important than Alastor.

6. VOX GOT A MINIMUM AMOUNT OF RECIPROCITY, AND ALASTOR TRUSTED HIM ONCE IN HIS LIFE, AND VOX JUST... ruined it.

7. He didn’t wear the ring Alastor gave him, and from what I’ve seen, as long as he’s satisfied and nothing happens in front of him, he doesn’t care about Alastor’s well-being. Then he did the "r-word" to Alastor (I’m not comfortable saying it) MULTIPLE TIMES (although I could somewhat understand it because he swore there was consent, but still, I don’t justify it). And he didn’t apologize either. He only realized something was wrong during the abortion scene (my theory is that in Alastor’s hallucinations, he was afraid the baby was Redfall’s). Anyway, THAT HAD TO HAPPEN FOR VOX TO REALIZE, and still the only one suffering is Alastor

I'm not saying it's poorly written, because it’s established that Vox is a bad person—with his ex-partners, with other people, harassing girls from what he talked about with Redfall, and being a coward, of course he is a terrible person. And if Alastor has never turned to him for help or much else, and still hasn't bothered to tell him what the hell happened in those 7 years he disappeared, it’s just that it bothers me that, as a character, Vox always claims to love Alastor, but never follows through with actions after those declarations. Maybe Alastor is better off without Vox. .

Hi! Thank you, I really appreciate it! You should get back into writing, it doesn't have to be good! I certainly cringe reading my old stuff. This is honestly the longest and most consistent I've been in years.

True, if Alastor hadn't stopped Vox, who knows what would've happened? It's possible Vox would've stopped on his own, but I think it'd be mre likely he would've gone too far before realising that Al doesn't actually *do* this.

Alastor is probably the one thing that Vox really truly cares about, and so is: he fucks up. A lot. He doesn't want to do anything wrong, and in so doing, he just makes it worse. Also Vox is usually with people that are very straight forward with what they want (like Val) so having someone like Al who just won't say what he wants, Vox is usually at a loss for what to do. Not that that justifies his behaviour, he should be able to pick up context clues :p

I'm impressed you remember Tornado... my little shark... rip him in pieces. Also, I don't think Vox *really* counts it as cheating. Val happened while Alastor was away, Elliot was technically assisted cheating and they had a fight (sort of) so Vox was justified. And Tornado; well, I guess you could say Vox wasn't sure if he and Al were in a relationship or not? And then you'd need to define what cheating would even entail because even if it might sound different, Alastor doesn't care if Vox has sex with Val. He cares whether or not Vox loves someone else, and those are two different things.

Yeah, Redfall def reminds him of himself a little. He ahould've taken Alastor's initial reaction to heart and kick the dog out, but he didn't.

To be a bit fair: Vox didn't think it would be so bad. All his life, Al had been this pretty untouchable thing that was just always going to be fine. The first month was put of his hand, and the second month was him being petty. And barren Elliot, when they had their fight, Alastor *was* fine.

Yeah.. yeah, he ruined it. But as always - Alastor will just forgive him.

Vox didn't wear the ring because he doesn't have it on his person. It's back at the tower, and Vox didn't want to go back to get it at that point, especially because Redfall came in right after. He didn't wear it beforehand because he was't sure if it was okay to do so, even though Al gave it to him. (Also it's a bit too tight because Al only had his own finger for comparison) To Vox, it really wasn't assault. Sure, he absolutely should've checked if Al was really okay, but all the signs he could see pointed to yes. Also in that timeframe, he believes that what Redfall did wasn't *so bad*. Sure it wasn't okay, but as an singular action existing in a vacuum, it wasn't the worst that could've happened. (He's wrong, of course, as Niffty basically tells him point-blank.) And yes, that's exactly what Alastor is believing in that scene :)

To be fair... Alastor hasn't talked about what happened in the seven years because... I don't know what happened? :P I like to stay as on-canon as I can, and we have no crumbs to go on atm. And I mean - that's why love isn't enough. He says he loves him, and he DOES, but there's nothing else. There's just love, and that's just not enough. Yeah, Alastor might be better off without Vox. But that's not really the thing that's gonna matter, is it? We don't always get what's best for us; or what we deserve, sometimes we get the thing we want, even if it's bad for us. And Alastor knows what he wants, and not much else will suffice. Vox might not redeem himself to Alastor, because in the end, the one person that matters won't ask it of him. He still can; and he still should, but he won't have to. We'll see what happens. Everything's still up in the air, and maybe Vox and Alastor will surprise all of us! :D