#reading this back five seconds after i finish writing.... girl what am i on....

[daenystheedreamer]

god i could complain about fanfiction for hours but i have no one to do that with cos it makes me sound deranged and bitchless (true and true) but goddddd hospital sick fics piss me off sooo bad i HATE tragedy porn all your experience in this is watching the fault in our stars. its my only gripe with the great american novel twist and shout

[marlsswrites]

Books and Red Hair

Ice skating AU, part 6!!

August 6th - words: 1109

First part Previous part

James would quite like to think he was extra welcome at a library, but that’s just not true. He’s clumsy, he knocks books over and can’t whisper to save his life. He’s always either too quiet or loud enough to get himself kicked out. Last time he came to this specific library, the local one to his university, he played full volume music on his AirPods - blissfully unaware that everyone around him could hear.

So how someone managed to get him back in here was a mystery, but here he is anyway.

He trailed behind Lily like a lost puppy, keeping his hands firmly to himself and not the bookshelves.

“James you look petrified.” Lily laughed out in a hushed tone.

“I’ve been told multiple times that I am severely not wanted here.” He hissed.

Lily blinked at him a few times, raising an eyebrow and flashed him an awfully unimpressed look. “What did you do?”

“Me, Rem, pads and Pete might have started a small fire in here last year.” He bit his lip to stop the smug smile from forming on his face, clearly the look still flamed alight in his eyes.

“Don’t look so proud.” She swatted his arm. “I only brought you here because you promised me a coffee after work.”

He and Lily worked in the same little record store down the street, well it used to be just records, now there’s comics, posters, collectables, CDs, everything like that honey. They’ll normally pop into a cafe after, treating themselves to a coffee before going home, but today Lily needed to grab some studying materials from the library.

“Stay here.” She said as she started to walk away.

“I’m not a child!” James protested.

“Sure!” She flashed a sarcastic smile over her shoulder as he went, leaving James with a frown on his face as he wandered through the tables of people studying, taking a seat at one of them without paying attention to anyone around him.

-

After about five minutes, he started to pick up some of the hushed whispering around him as the sound of a few people sitting in front of him hit his ears. Now he fiddled with the pages of the random book he’d swiped from the shelf and - innocently - eavesdropped after he swore he heard a voice he knew.

“Reg can you help?” A hushed female voice sounded after a few flicks of a page.

“Yeah.” A familiar voice responded. “One second Cas.”

His head slowly lifted, a smirk appearing on his face as he realised who had sat next to him.

“Hi.” He propped his head on his hands and drummed his fingers against his cheek.

The girl only gave him a confused look, she had dark shining skin, adorned with a couple of dainty tattoos and stacked jewellery that reminded him of the stuff that Lily likes to wear. But she wasn’t the one James was looking at.

“What are you doing in a library?” Regulus gave a raise of his eyebrow.

“Okay ouch, and actually I’m just waiting for my friend to finish finding - uh - whatever she needs.” He shrugged.

“So that’s why you’re reading The Great Gatsby - but specifically the blank page at the front?”

His eyes flicked down to the book, where the only words written were ‘The Great Gatsby.’

“It has some writing on it.” He proclaimed.

Regulus just hummed, no sign of emotion on his pale, blank face, yet it seemed to hold the world. His eyes like once grey clouds drowning in water, his skin as milky and smooth as a white silk pillowcase, his hair curled perfectly and dark as it hung around his face like Medusas snakes danced.

“I’m sorry, how do you two know each other?” The girl - Cas he thinks - interrupted. “Because I could swear that Regulus here doesn’t talk to anyone.”

“I talk to you!” Regulus bickered. “And Barty, Evan and Pandora.” He counted on his fingers.

“Four whole people.” Cas gasped.

Stifling a laugh, James simply watched as the two went back and fourth, clearly playfully as they argued. Still, Regulus looked beautiful with a scowl, even better with a smile though. Even better while he skated, face stoic and wondrous, face on full display and body moving like a puppet controlled by the god of love herself.

“And me.” James smiled and battered his eyelashes, Regulus pointed and nodded.

“You never answered my question.” Cas pondered, looking between the two boys suspiciously.

Stuttering out an answer, James realises he didn’t actually have just one.

“Tried to buy a book, stalked me, stalked me again, and is apparently friends with my brother and my coach’s son.”

“Hey now, I didn’t stalk you. I-“ But he cut himself off when he saw the slightly smiling face of Regulus Black - covered slightly by his baggy sleeve - but still there. The end of his pen was placed between his teeth and a silver glint on his tongue catching the sun and shining like the star the paler boy is.

“I know.” He shook his head, still smirking slightly as he moved the pen to his page, scribbling slightly and leaving James to stare at the way a ring was slid onto every single pale finger, shining bright and jewelled - as he said - like the star he is.

-

Stretches of comfortable quiet later, he felt a hand tap his arm as the silence surrounded him. “I’m done.” Lily smiled and held up the books and couple of bookmarks up with a squeal. “You owe me a coffee, let’s go.”

“Right.” He looked between the redhead and the other two, Regulus’ head still in his book but the once cal, expression had been covered by one of tension and thorns sharp as daggers. “Bye!” He waved as he and Lily left.

“Yeah, bye.” He heard dully before he walked away, the sunlight splashing in on him as soon as he stepped outside, blinding his eyes and burning into his skin.

“I bought my girlfriend this,” Lily waved up a little flowery pin that she’d picked up from the library store she’d insisted on looking in seconds beforehand. “Isn’t it adorable.”

“The cutest.” James winked with a smile.

Yet he still couldn’t get the anguished expression of a star from his mind, burning holes into the once bright irises of his eyes, stabbing into his once radiating heart. Oh what he would do to wipe it away with one quick swipe of love, leave that smile on his face that he seems to feel the need to hide.

Someone like Regulus Black shouldn’t be hidden, he’s much too special for that.

Next part

[seeingivy]

the sound of the applause

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: pain pre cursor.

an: songs mentioned - london boy by taylor swift, golden hour by jvke, girlfriend by avril lavigne. anyways. this chapter tame af. we are starting our demonic era. and no, you are not getting an eren pov until I say so. and I have covid so I am feeling extra evil and already writing the next one.

previous part linked here

--

You’re twelve years old the first time that you feel it. 

You have hippies to thank for the entire ordeal. In your small, small town in Canada, there’s very little tension or importance on the arts. Singing, dancing, acting - like many places around the world - fall short to the highs and lows that come with sports. 

Your middle school is no exception. A school that can barely spare money to fund a dying arts department, that begrudgingly offers one generalized art class that covers the basics of painting. Except when the hippy dippy parents in town petition, file a complaint with the mayor, they’re sequestered to include arts in all sectors that sports are included in. 

A law that opens doors insanely. And creates the opportunity that exposes you to it. The singer showcase at the football pep rally. 

And if you have to, you guess you have to thank food poisoning as well. Because Paulina, the original girl who was supposed to sing, was missing from first period that morning and you were all too quick to offer to take her spot. 

They give you that pitchy, old black microphone and let you sing your heart out to one of your favorite old songs, At Last by Etta James. And when you open your eyes, the recollection of the performance is wiped from your mind seconds after you finish, and there’s only one thing you remember. It rings so hard, the sound so loud in your eardrums that it’s all you feel. The rush of the blood, the eyes staring back at you, and your cheeks burning. 

When you think back, long and hard, that’s the first time it happens. The first time you feel it. It sits with you, that resounding pressure, that digs on you to give in. The need, the want, the infatuation with the rush you’re feeling. 

And the obsession with the sound of the applause.

--

“Y/N. Wake up.” 

You aggressively push your forehead into the plush of your pillow, creating a nice symphony of groaning songs in response to Danny, who is interrupting your beauty sleep. 

“How long has it been?” you murmur into the pillow, the stinging in your head and the fatigue sitting in your body telling you it couldn’t have even been an hour.

“An hour. But I just realized, the bridge didn’t come out right when I was mixing so you have to record it again.” 

“Can you come back in like three years? When I have the energy?” you groan. 

“Y/N. I’ll see you in five down there.” he definitively states, shuffling out of your room. 

Against every fiber of your being, you pull yourself out of the bed and drag yourself down to the studio, making it a point to glare at him as you re-record the bridge of the song you wrote yesterday. You give it a few tries, messing with the octaves and inflections, until you get a shining thumbs up, and wrap yourself into the blanket left on the couch. 

“You write anything new?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

You hold out your green book to Danny, opening it to the page marked, at which your producer is already wrinkling his nose. He hasn’t even read the lyrics yet, but you’re sure the title - Cry - is already setting him off. 

“You didn’t even read it yet.” you respond, frowning. 

“I don’t have to read it to know it’s brilliant. But you were there in that meeting last week and you know this isn’t what we can push out.” he responds, turning back to his soundboard, half-pulling his headphones back onto his ear. 

“Danny. I-I just haven’t been able to write songs like that lately. This is what’s coming out.” 

After nearly a year of writing music and touring, Danny and Sareen have leaned heavily into your Lover Girl branding. An affectionate term used by your fans, but now the entirety of the breadth that you work with. You’re widely known for the lovey dovey, sweet songs you write so when anything that falls outside of that mold, it isn’t stuff Danny and Sareen appreciate. 

But you haven’t been able to write any of that lately. Which only makes that resoundling, crackling, heavy pressure in your head worse. Like you’re defective.

He turns around in his swivel chair, taking the little bound book you’re holding out for him, as he starts flipping through the pages. The worn down book you were gifted on your birthday years ago is filled with every mess of lyrics you’ve written, though none of them are meeting the game plan that was set weeks ago. 

That announcement sent everyone on your team into a frenzy, which was so far from your initial reaction. 

First of all, it was a rumor. That you were one leg away from being a triple threat. Second, if it’s true, you’re ecstatic. Enthralled and honored and every feeling in between. That you were even in the consideration for being a triple threat, let alone a few feet away from it.  

No one else on your team saw it that way. Your producer, Danny, saw this as a sign that you need to be making more music and faster. The songs you make take you weeks to write at this point, no thanks to the perfectionism that comes with writing the lyrics and working out the sound. He’s set a goal for you - to write one song everyday. It makes it - that impending doom in your head - ten pounds heavier.

Your manager, Sareen, is no better. She only took this as a sign that you need to start being more vigilant. A hard-assed woman in her forties, Sareen is all about work ethic. That staying determined is the only way that you will get through this. And she’s extremely blunt when she tells you so. 

Stars don’t take breaks. If you want it that badly, you have to work harder. There’s six thousand things working against you, take it as a note that you need to be running faster. That you aren’t trying hard enough. Those are equivalent to dumbbells for that rock on your head, that you’re sure is responsible for pinching all your nerves. 

And it’s a matter of proving yourself. To Sareen, Danny, Eren, and everyone who watches you. 

You appreciate the push. It’s extremely draining, but worth it when your song releases are so anticipated that you’re selling millions of copies before the song comes out. Have sold out stadium tours, and are shortlisted for awards nearly every time you do something. 

You wake up. Get ready for the show. Memorize lines in between shows, film when you don’t have shows. Write songs on flights, produce through voice memos since you’re hardly in one place at a time. 

And when you think about it all, finally being a triple threat, finally getting to hear Eren say that he told you so like you said that first night on set together, it’ll all be worth it. It’ll be over. 

You can stop running. You can stroll, swim, make the music you like. So you oblige. This is part of the process, you just have to push through. There’s an end goal in sight. And being near Eren is a part of it. 

“Have you ever thought about writing a song about…Ricky James?” Danny asks, swinging around in his chair as he smiles at you. 

You wrinkle your nose as you throw the closest thing, an empty CD case, at Danny as he laughs back. 

“Ew, Danny. That’s so not a thing.” 

Ricky James, an infinite, insurmountable amount of talent, was your co-star on your last movie, Little Women. A British singer-songwriter, who virtually blew up over night. 

He was nice - definitely the charismatic, flirty type of co-star. You’re positive half of it is the accent. After the two of you started doing press for Little Women, everyone was swooning over the two of you together. At how you guys had a handshake, did your famous kiss scene in one take, and how in almost every interview, he made it a point to joke that he was in love with you. 

You get it. It works well for the press, gets people talking about the movie. But you could never like a guy like Ricky James. Or anyone who wasn’t Eren, for that matter. 

“I know it’s not a thing. You’re all goo goo ga ga over loverboy. But it’s the same thing that we did for Little Women. He used the fact that people like to speculate to his advantage. It wouldn’t hurt to do the same.” Danny responds, shrugging. 

“I already do use that to my advantage. It’s no secret that I earned my whole Lover Girl branding from writing love songs about Eren.” 

“Yeah, but you know how it’s been for Eren lately. Maybe it’s not the best thing that your name is attached to him anymore? For both of you?” Danny states. 

Eren’s had a rough go of it lately. After Satellite Port failed and the joke they made at the awards show last year, he’s all but resigned into what you call hiding. He said that he’s just busy, focusing on landing new roles and getting more credits under his belt. You know that he recently signed a deal with Scott Clarkson to film five movies with his studio, which is promising. 

But you know Eren too well. He’s retreating, hiding in all senses of the word. From you too. The texts he used to send you - good luck before every show, a good morning even though you were on different sides of the world - have ceased all together. And the few seconds you do catch him, he seems worlds away. 

And it’s not just you who has caught onto it. The last time you saw Historia, when she came to watch your show, she mentioned that she was concerned about him, that she thinks he’s being a little bit self destructive by working with Stone Studios. That Scott Clarkson is not a good idea. 

Granted, Scott Clarkson is buddy buddy with John. You know that’s a touchy subject for her and made it a point to bring it up to Eren. To see if he was okay. But you were flying out for a tour and forgot to. And then he started showing up in the press again, hanging out with the cast he’s been working with, so you figured it was fine. That he’s going out again, smiling in photos. 

“That-that’s not true. He’s on the come up - he’s going to be the lead in the Gatsby remake that Stone Studios is doing. I’m sure he’ll get an award for it.” 

“There’s no need to get defensive. I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to expand your horizons. Triple threats are awarded for being versatile, not sticking with what’s easy. Maybe you just need to push the boundary of what you think you can do.” he says, giving your forehead a tap.  

“It kind of feels like cheating to write a song about someone that’s not him.” you murmur, looking down at the pages in your hand. Eren’s handwriting is scribbled onto the invisible string page. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven. 

“You know, Sareen’s not too keen about this relationship. And I know that Eren’s team isn’t either.” Danny states. 

“Who are they to tell us who we can date?” 

“It’s not about who you can date. It-it’s about the image. Tying your name to his doesn’t exactly always work in your favor, Y/N. There’s no loyalty in an industry like this. And for Eren’s case, you’ve never really helped him in that sense. When you stand together, with the success you’ve had, all they see is a failure in Eren, when he’s really not even that bad.” 

“People’s comparisons aren’t my fault. And Eren’s doing fine, he-he’s okay.” 

“Now, he is. But a few months ago, it was your name next to his that was dragging him down. If it comes down to triple threats and it’s between you and him, are you telling me that you would really pick him over you?” 

Yes. One thousand times, yes. Though you know that’s not the answer Danny wants. 

“You have to be more selfish, Y/N. And maybe that’s selfless for Eren's sake too. There isn’t room for the both of you, right now. I know you love him, but Sareen has a point. Is working this hard worth it if you don’t get what you want out of it? You and Eren have all the time in the world to be together, just focus on your career before him.” 

You frown, staring at the wrinkles pressed up against his forehead. 

“You can have what you want - have your cake and eat it too, write all these corny love songs about him after you make it. Stop running when you’re actually there, kid.” 

You look down at the pages, the thoughts floating through your mind, as the lyrics start spilling out. For your first song that’s not about Eren. 

London Boy. 

--

You try to make a point to call Eren before releases. Key word, try. 

But it doesn’t happen that way. Because Eren’s in Los Angeles and you’re in Tokyo and the time difference messes the two of you up so bad that when they surprise drop London Boy, you don’t get to warn Eren beforehand. 

And when he texts you about it, you can feel the guilt creeping into your chest. Because you know he’s too nice to say what he actually thinks about it. If it were you, you’d wring Eren’s neck out for writing a song like this about his co-star he’s rumored to be dating. But Eren is Eren and he would never. 

eren: “he likes my american smile?” babe, you’re canadian. 

eren: i like the song. really. 

you: i have dual citizenship. 

you: eren. i’m so so sorry. i meant to tell you before but the time differences, we just kept missing each other. you know i don’t mean any of it, right? 

you: it’s just a marketing thing danny and sareen planned. the song will be a hit if people are speculating who it’s about and stuff. 

eren: i figured. you don’t have to explain yourself to me!!!! 

eren: you’re a pop princess <3

eren: and currently number one on the billboard hot 100 for the fourth time in a row!!! 

You nearly throw your phone across the room at the notifications, the frustration building so hard that it’s all pouring out of your head. You can see the stack of gifts at the front of the room - candies from Falco and Colt, as well as Marco, Historia, and Reiner - for the release.

And it’s moments like this, when you’ve been running so fast and pushing so hard, that you resort to one of your worst tendencies. Because the only thing that helps you when you feel like this is being a masochist. Feeling bad only makes you want to feel worse. Like you deserve it. 

So you inflict it on yourself. By reading what people say about you online. 

You reach back for your phone - ignoring the messages from Armin, Bertholdt, and Levi - as you scroll to Twitter, hiding the light of the phone under your sheets as you look through the app. 

You look at the trending tab. Y/N L/N, London Boy, Ricky James, Eren Jaeger, and love is dead are trending. 

You press your bolded name and swipe to the recents tab, scrolling through every tweet, each one categorizing, sticking in your mind as you scroll. A mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

That you’re pretty. That you’re ugly. That you have no personality, that you write mediocre songs, that you’re the best actress from Attack on Titan. That you’re lucky for bagging Ricky James and Eren, that you’re too good for Eren, that you’re horrible for writing the song. 

You place the phone flat on the sheets, the absence of light making your eyes sting, as the tears string out of your eyes. 

You want to make your cake and eat it too. 

But is it even worth it if this is how you have to get there? 

--

You stick your hand out, swinging it in the air with Ricky as you do your handshake, and plop onto the couch. Danny and Sareen called a meeting with Ricky’s team before you guys went to the wrap party for The Proposal, which is the only thing on your calendar that you were actually looking forward to this month. 

Because Annie and Armin are the leads and because you know Levi and Hange are going to be there. 

“This is Michael and Nancy. They’re my talent managers.” Ricky states, pointing out the two people across from you. 

“Sareen and Danny. Sareen’s my manager and Danny’s my producer.” 

“Is he behind the genius of London Boy?” Ricky asks, smirking at you. 

“Shut up. London Boy isn’t about you, Ricky.” 

“Oh, shut up. I know I’m your muse.” 

The line sits in your stomach wrong, because all you can think about is Eren. Seventeen year old Eren, shimmering green eyes on that empty set when you wrote New Year’s Day. You shake your head as Danny turns to the two of you, a smile on his face. 

“We have an idea.” Danny states, a smile on his face. 

You and Ricky nod as Nancy and Sareen start laying out the plan, each consecutive word twisting horribly in your stomach. 

Surely they can’t be serious. 

“We think that the two of you should date, as a PR move.” Sareen states, handing over a folder to you. 

There’s dates listed out, public places where they want you and Ricky to meet at, and songs they want you to release about each other. All down to the slated releases, ideas for album covers, and interviews they want you to do. 

“This is part of Y/N’s triple threat campaign. I think putting in this whole ruse of a relationship and writing songs about it, especially if there’s some part of it that will be drama because of Eren and Lana, it’s even better.” 

“Lana?” you ask. 

“She’s Ricky’s old girlfriend. They aren’t dating anymore, which is something that we should capitalize on. For the both of you. This should get Ricky into the leagues for the Album of the Year award when he releases next year.” Nancy states, flipping through the pages. 

You look over at Ricky, ready to fully shut down the idea. But when you turn your head to him, he’s flipping through the pages, writing down his own ideas in the folder. 

“Ricky. You’re not actually considering this, are you?” you whisper. 

“You aren’t?” 

“I’m dating Eren. No, I’m not considering fake dating you for the press.” 

“Eren, who was seen on a date with Myka yesterday? Right.” he states bluntly, flipping through the pages. 

“That’s just tabloids, Ricky. Be serious.” 

“And so is this. Myka and Eren are in a movie together. You and I are musicians. You can do the same thing as him and I bet you he wouldn’t even care. And he shouldn’t, because your career comes first.” Ricky states, leaning forward on his knees to discuss more with Danny and Sareen. 

You flip through the folder again, each consecutive page filled with more and more details of how they want you and Ricky to pretend. And the last page has the words bolded, little stars around them. 

Y/N gets triple threat status! Ricky gets Album of the Year! 

“Y/N. Have your cake and eat it too.” Danny warns, a reminder of what you’re supposed to be prioritizing. 

“This is the time to run, Y/N. You’re almost there.” Sareen affirms, the two of them nodding as they look at you. 

And by the way five of them are staring at you, big eyes filled with anticipation as they wait for your response, you know you can’t say no. That insurmountable pressure - to please, to be successful, to be the best - wins out, every time.

Danny’s produced for three different hit pop stars. Sareen’s managed some of the biggest names in the industry. And you have no idea who Nancy and Michael even are, but if they’re working with Ricky, they’ve got to be in the big leagues. 

You put the folder down, giving all of them a nod, as they all erupt into cheers. Ricky leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek, which you tell him to save for the cameras, as you take the folder and walk out. 

And figure out how you’re going to tell Eren. 

--

You head to the wrap party three hours later and any excitement you had about the event is immediately drained when you know that Eren’s going to be there and you have to talk to him about it. Break up with him. 

“Y/N!” 

You turn around to find Armin and Annie, the two of them wrapping their arms around you as they press kisses to your cheeks. You try to stifle the literal tears that are making their way to your eyes at the sight of them, their blue eyes the same soft ones you’ve always known. 

“Annie. Armin. I’m so excited for the movie, I’m sure it’s going to be great.” you say, squeezing both of their hands. 

Two of your shyest friends still, they’re both blushing at the praise as Connie and Sasha walk up. You’re wrapping your arms around all of them, as everyone else - Reiner, Mikasa, and Jean - join you. 

“So Y/N. London Boy, huh?” Connie asks, smirking. 

“Did you guys know that Eren is from London?” Sasha says, sarcastically. 

“Oh, quit it. It’s just one of those PR things. The triple threat thing made them all go crazy.” you respond. 

“We respect the hustle, Y/N.” Connie states, mock saluting you with Jean. 

“There is no press better than you and Eren releasing Medicine and Dress on the same day.” Mikasa states, earning a bunch of laughter from the group. 

“Oh god. Don’t remind me. Whore move, from the both of you.” Reiner says, pinching your cheek. Connie mocks the ah ah ah, from Dress, which has you all laughing.

You smack his hand off as Marco slings his hand around your shoulders, squeezing hard and smiling at you so big, in earnest, that it makes your chest hurt. 

“Can you believe it? You’re so close to it, Y/N - I can feel it.” Marco says, leaning forward to press a kiss onto your cheek. 

You reach up to squish the plush of his cheek as Marco mimics your movements, the two of you smiling at each other. And then you feel two warm hands on your shoulder and turn around to see Eren, soft green eyes looking into yours. 

And it makes you burst into tears. Soft green eyes, albeit a little tired looking, and Eren’s hair all grown out. When did Eren grow his hair out to his Season Three length? The last time you saw him, it was so short. He looks the same. He feels far away. And that pressure in your head is resounding. 

“Yeesh.” Connie says at the sight of your spilling tears, earning quiet laughs from everyone. 

Eren brings his hand up to your cheek, swiping the wetness away, as he glares at Connie. 

“Connie.” Eren warns, the tone in his voice threatening. 

“Sorry. Just missed him, that’s all.” you respond, wiping the last of the wetness off your face as they all smile at you. 

“Man, every time I see one of you, you’re crying.” Hange says from behind you, the group of you turning your heads and immediately tackling them and Levi into hugs. Eren reaches for Hange first and you go for Levi, his stupid minty smell making your tears return. 

You look up at Levi, who's glaring at you, and can’t help but smile. 

“Levi. You could at least pretend you’re happy to see me.” 

“I am happy to see you. But not when you’re crying in public. You two are going to give me an ulcer.” he states, frowning as he glares at Eren at your side. 

You look over at Eren, the end of what Hange said catching up with you. 

“You cried in front of them? About what, Eren?” you ask, voice soft. 

“Ah. Nothing.” Eren responds, cheeks lightly pink as he runs his hand through his hair. 

You both let go of Hange and Levi as Armin and Annie take to the makeshift stage, giving a little speech about their time on the film and how grateful they are for everyone in the room for supporting them. And as they do, Eren jabs his elbow into your side. 

“Ow. What gives?” you whisper. 

Eren places hand on his chest, feigning shock. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot our secret hand signals already?” he whispers. 

Jab in the side. Meaning, you need a second to talk, away from everyone. 

“As if.” you respond, giving a nod to his sign. 

He gives you a smile as you both turn your heads back to Annie and Armin, who are playing the trailer on the screen now. And when they finish, the resounding noise of the claps are the last thing you and Eren hear when you go out to the balcony, the cold air surrounding you both. 

You wrap your hands around your arms, which Eren picks up on too fast and suddenly he’s taking his coat off and wrapping it around you. Making a point to pull your hair out of the collar, hands focused on fixing your hair around your face. 

“Eren.” 

“Yes?” 

“I-” 

The words die on your tongue. Because here he is, the perfect green eyes you fell in love with staring at you in the lamplight of the dark, and you can’t say it. You can’t shatter his heart into pieces or be the one to let him go. 

When he’s one of the only things you’ve wanted.

“I know how you feel, Y/N. You don’t have to say it.” he whispers, hands tucking your hair behind your ears before letting go. 

You can feel the tears spilling out of your eyes as you frown at him, the look on his face so pained that it hurts. 

“I’m guessing they don’t want you to see me, at least not for right now?” Eren asks. 

You nod, aggressively wiping away the wetness on your cheeks as you reach for his hands, squeezing three times. You hate that he knows. That Danny and Sareen think he isn’t good enough for you. When you’ve always been the one who was never in the same league as him. 

That Eren was the one who defended you when you were there, but no one’s letting you do it for him. 

“I still love you, Eren. You-you know that?” 

“I know that.” he whispers, nodding. His eyes are focused on your hands, interlocked with his. He reaches in for your bicep, fingers tracing over the fish tattoo right above your elbow. 

“Fishbowl, Y/N. We’ll come back to each other when it’s time. Just don’t be a stranger.” he says. 

You nod, reaching forward and wrapping your arms around him as you nearly sob into his chest, his voice soothing your hiccuping, even though you’re the one who just smashed him into pieces. And when Eren wraps his hands around your cheeks, giving you one last lingering kiss, before walking away, you can’t help but sit there in the cold, his jacket wrapped around you and letting the tears bite on your skin. 

--

You close your phone, giving Ricky a glowing smile, as you both settle into your seats at the Institute Music Awards. The two of you officially went public earlier today, though you’re both still denying any rumors that you’re dating. 

“How does Ricky compare to Eren?” 

You try to hide your scoff as you answer, trying your best to stay neutral in your response to avoid becoming a headline the next day. 

“I’ll always have so much love for Eren. We grew up together and really came into this hand in hand and no one could ever really take that away. And there’s no bad blood between us, we’ll always be best friends.” you respond, giving them a polite smile as you walk away and swallow hard. 

You can see Eren twenty feet down, in a specially designed suit that he looks wonderful in, smiling for the cameras. He’s standing in between Hyla and Myka, since their film is premiering in a few days. 

“You look green, doll.” 

You turn around to find Sukuna, who you fake punch in the shoulder and glare at, before pulling him in for a hug. 

“You sure you’re not talking about yourself? That’s your girl down there.” 

“Jesus, Y/N. Don’t ever associate me with her again.” Sukuna mutters, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh? Was it not you saying she wasn’t that bad when we were kids?” you tease, poking into the soft of his cheek. 

“Well, that was before I found everything out. I’d say a prayer for your boy over there, he’s about to get himself into a gnarly mess he won’t be able to get out of.” Sukuna responds, eyes focused on Eren and Hyla posing together a few feet down. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, linking your arm with his as the two of you walk down, past him. You make it a point to attempt to make eye contact with Eren, but he’s too focused on Hyla that he misses you all together. 

“I just mean…he’s about to get himself involved in things he shouldn’t. And you should stay far away.” Sukuna states, giving Ricky a polite smile as he joins you at your side. Sukuna gives you one last kiss on the cheek before Ricky links his arm with yours, dragging you to your seats. 

You both settle into the seats, giving Marco a big smile as he sits next to you. 

“Hey. Where’s Hisu? I saw her name card here earlier but it’s not here anymore.” you whisper, as the lights start dimming ahead. 

Marco winces, giving you an awkward smile as he puts his hand over yours and squeezes. 

“She doesn’t want to sit with Ricky. Or you.” 

“Oh.” 

“Just for today, Y/N. Because of the history and all that, you-you know that.” 

You shake your head, ignoring the stinging, as you give Marco a half-hearted smile, nodding. 

“No yeah. I get it. I’ll talk to her soon.” 

“Okay.” Marco responds, giving you a smile. 

You make it a point to do your best throughout the awards show, fake whispering in Ricky’s ears every time the camera is on you two, holding hands and comparing hand sizes, letting him tuck your hair behind your ear once and a while. 

And it’s all going great and peachy, until Hyla gets called on stage to perform. You crane your neck back to find Sukuna, giving him a warning glance as he rolls his eyes, making the motion that he’s choking himself. 

One of the most insane things about Hyla and Sukuna’s beef? The fact that they perform and write songs about each other, that are so insanely written, that they trend for weeks. 

You’re sure Hyla and Sukuna are what Danny and Sareen dream about in their free time. 

Hyla gets on stage, giving everyone a soft smile as a few of the girls join her on stage, adjusting their microphones. You can feel Ricky squeezing your hand hard, his jaw clenched. 

“You good?” 

“The lineup. Hyla, Myka, and Lana.” he responds, glaring at the three of them. 

You focus your eyes on the third girl, Lana, who is Ricky’s ex-girlfriend. The only reason he wants to fake date you. Apparently, the two of them broke up after you and Ricky started trending, her insecurities about the people’s words overruling any reassurance that Ricky could give her. 

“This is my new song, it’s called Girlfriend. I hope you all like it.” Hyla says, giving a smile as the upbeat music starts. 

Hey, hey, you, you  I don’t like your girlfriend  No way, no way I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend

You lean back as you observe the visuals and the line of backup dancers supporting the three of them singing, their performance extremely upbeat and punk pop star that you can’t help but tap your feet to the beat of the song. 

That’s until they reach the bridge. When Hyla pulls one of the back-up dancers from the background to the front and Lana pulls Eren on stage, the two of them are seated on the makeshift chairs on the stage. Hyla’s singing around Eren, rolling her eyes at the back-up dancer. 

Who's wearing the exact outfit that you wear on your tour, a sparkly, billowing pink dress. And when you take her in properly, you realize that she’s supposed to be you. The same hairstyle, eye color, skin tone. You can feel your throat dry as you watch Eren’s cheeks tinted pink on stage as Hyla sings around him, the entire audience erupting into cheers. 

(Oh) In a second, you'll be wrapped around my finger  'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in? She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?

You feel Marco’s hand on yours, squeezing hard, as you focus in on the performance, trying to ignore the fact that the big, black camera is shining on your face and that everyone in the room is looking at you. And that millions of people must be talking about it at home. You turn back to give Levi a look and he shakes his head, mouthing don’t cry which you halfheartedly nod in response too. 

Jean and Armin have switched seats with the two girls behind you, their hands on your shoulders, squeezing, as Eren and Hyla walk off stage, hand in hand past the back up dancer who’s supposed to be you - who's crying fake buckets of tears now. 

And when it’s all done and over, you skip the afterparties and let Mikasa drive you home. She tucks you into your sheets, making it a point to help you wipe all your makeup off and leave a bottle of water by your bed, you sink into your sheets and do it again. Let that overwhelming, embarrassing, deep rooted hatred sink in. 

And pull up Twitter. Read about how everyone hates you. Relive the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you yet. Stare at pictures of Eren and Hyla and ignore the resounding sound of the applause the two of them received.

--

next part linked here

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06  @bsenpai  @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasberr @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

[honeybeefae]

Valentine's Mini Fic // Eris Vanserra

My boy, my main Autumn Court man, it is always so much fun writing him. And of course, with all the sass and drama he comes with I had to give him one of my favorite tropes. This is one of the cutest things I have ever written and I hope you guys just drown in all of the fluff, it’s also something totally different and I hope I executed it correctly. :)

WARNINGS: None

Trope: Enemies to Lovers, Fairytale

The room was warm and cozy as your two daughters ran around in their nightgowns, their hair wet from their baths while you chided them about bedtime. 

“Come now girls, it is way past your bedtime. I want you in bed and asleep in the next five minutes.” You said, rolling your eyes playfully as they started groaning in annoyance.

“But mom, we just started playing!” Thea, the eldest one, pouted.

“Yeah! We aren’t ready for bed yet, we have to finish our story!” Her sister Calidia joined in, crossing her arms. 

You glanced over the swords and maps in their hands, raising an eyebrow while smoothing out the tops of their blankets.  Bedtime was always a battle with them though you shouldn’t be surprised, their father is the same way.

So, you decided to indulge them just a bit. “And what story would that be? Is it the one about the dragons and pirates?”

Calidia shakes her head, her amber eyes sparkling in the lamplight. “No, no, not that one! We don’t have our dragon wings!”

“Ahh, how silly of me. I should’ve known.” You chuckled softly. “Well then, what is it?”

“It’s princesses and princes.” Thea grinned, two of her bottom teeth missing giving her a slight lisp. “We’re reading stories about them in school.”

“Oh is that so? Well,” You paused, grinning from ear to ear as you leaned down like you were telling a secret. “What if I told you I once knew a princess and Prince?”

“For real life?!” Calidia gasped, running over to you in an instant. “You knew a princess?”

Thea followed closely behind her sister, both of them staring at you in awe. You nodded and motioned for them to get in bed. “I did. We were very close, and if you go lay down I might just tell you the story.”

They both ran as fast as they could to their respective beds, bringing their sheets and blankets up to their chins while you stood in between them. You could tell they were practically vibrating in excitement as you began your story as all children's stories do.

“Once upon a time…”

The princess was walking through the woods, a basket in her hand as she collected various berries and plants so she could make her favorite dessert when the sound of breaking twigs caught her attention. 

It only took a few seconds before she had to scramble several feet away as a group of horses and riders broke through the trees. They were not paying attention to where they were going, only focusing on the hunt as their dogs chased after a giant stag.

Trumpets chorused as a prince appeared in the front, his red hair tied back neatly as he scanned the area. He was as handsome as princes come, with amber eyes that reminded her of honey and a face that was blessed by the stars above. If he and his men hadn’t nearly run her over, she could see herself blushing over him.

“Hey! Excuse me!” She yelled, waving her arm to catch his attention. The prince looked over, his eyes widening at the sight of her, before making his way to her quickly. 

“No one is supposed to be out in these woods.” The prince said, narrowing his eyes. “Who are you?”

“I am a princess who is visiting this kingdom. I came out here to collect some things and then I suddenly find myself almost knocked down by you all.” The princess frowned, her head held high. “Next time I suggest you watch where you are going.”

“And next time, princess, I suggest you do not wander places you don’t belong.” The prince retorted, rolling his eyes at her attitude. “You are a guest in my kingdom, I do not take orders from you.”

“Stop!” Thea shouted, holding her hand up as you turned to look at her. “Is the prince a bad prince?”

“Yeah, why is he being so mean to the princess?” Calidia asked, her eyebrows furrowed. “I thought all princes were supposed to be nice.”

You smirked and folded your hands in your lap. “Unfortunately they aren’t all nice, but don’t worry, the story isn’t over yet.”

They glanced at each other, shrugging, before turning their attention back to you as you continued.

The princess scoffed at the prince’s bad manners. First, he had almost run her over, and now he was insulting her. She took a deep breath and turned back towards the castle, not wanting to give him the time of day. However, she couldn’t resist calling over her shoulder to him for one last jab.

“By the way, the stag is far gone now. I hope you’re better at ruling than you are hunting.”

She heard him yell something but she did not stop. It was starting to grow dark and there was still dinner that she had to clean up for. Once she returned to her room and got dressed, the prince had left her mind entirely. 

Her mother came to collect her to go to the great hall, her father was already inside and drinking with the prince’s father. She could smell the delicious food from halfway down the hall, her stomach growling as they both stepped inside. The prince’s father greeted her, as well as his mother, to which she returned their kindness with a bow.

“You have such a lovely home, thank you for inviting us.” She smiled as she sat down, folding the napkin in her lap as her mother taught her. “I am famished.”

“Well our son hasn’t returned yet but we can still eat.” The prince’s mother sighed, looking towards the door as everyone started to dig in. As the princess piled her plate with the food she heard the chair next to her scrape along the marble, a flash of red flicking forward in the corner of her eye.

“Sorry I am late, I know it is rude of me.” The voice apologized and the princess gasped, her head whipping to look at the prince who had sat beside her. “I was out hunting and thanks to someone, we lost sight and smell of the stag.”

The princess tightened her grasp on her silverware. 

“Who caused you to lose it?” The prince’s mother asked, frowning. “Is it one of the new guards?”

“No one of importance. I just hope they learned their lesson.” He replied while taking a sip of his wine, glancing at the princess from the corner of his eye. 

As dinner continued the princess and the prince kept stealing glances at each other. It was tense between the two of them though their parents were too enraptured in their trades and bargains to pay them any attention. 

When the princess went to grab the last lemon cake from the golden tray in front of her, another hand went to take it as well. She turned to look at the prince, their hands barely brushing against each other before she snatched the cake quickly. 

“Didn’t your mother teach you manners, young prince?” The princess teased, taking a delicate bite and groaning at the taste. She missed the way the prince tensed at her overexaggerated reaction. 

“Funny, I was about to ask you the same.” He retorted while taking another gulp of wine. “Though I would imagine someone raised to run barefoot through the forest and dress like that is about as civilized as my hounds.”

She visibly winced at his comment, her pride stinging as if she had just been nicked with an arrow. The prince could tell he took it too far but he was not the kind of man who would apologize first. The princess scowled, her face turning red in embarrassment, before dropping the cake on her plate loudly and standing up.

“You are the most egotistical, idiotic, and ill-mannered prince I have ever met.” She shouted, everyone’s conversations coming to a halt when she threw her napkin at the prince���s face. “I shall hope to never lay eyes on you again, your grace.”

And with that she stormed out of the room, her mother chasing after her while her father gave many apologies to the prince’s parents. The prince sat there, staring at where she had just been, and felt an unusual pang of guilt in his gut.

He knew he had been less than kind to the princess, not even giving her a chance before he pushed her away, but that was the way he was. He didn’t want to get to

know anyone, he preferred to be lonely. Or so he used to think. If he truly felt that way still…why did he want to chase after her?

The next morning the prince had decided to go pay her a visit before breakfast, wanting to clear the air for the sake of their families. But when he opened her door after no reply, he found it empty of all her things. 

“Did the princess leave?” Calidia asked, hugging her stuffed fox closely to her body. “Did she run away in the night?”

“I hope she did! That prince was so mean to her, I would run away too!” Thea frowned, crossing her arms. “I would never, ever, ever marry a prince like that.”

“Yeah me either, not even if he had a hundred castles.” Calidia stuck her tongue out in disgust, the two of them giggling as you laughed along with them. “Would you, mom?”

You raised your hands and shrugged, smiling mischievously before continuing on with the story. “Let’s see what happens next.”

Many years passed after the prince and the princess had met. She had kept her promise to herself that she would never see him again, avoiding all invitations and places that he might be at. Her parents had always wondered why she had cast him aside like that but they chose not to push, feeling as if fate might bring them back together soon enough. 

It was now the eve of her twenty-third birthday and the princess was anxious. Her parents were hosting a ball in her honor, with many people attending from around the continent. She knew that her parents were wanting her to find a husband tonight, to start a courtship to strengthen their kingdom, but the princess did not want that.

She hadn’t found any prince remotely interesting so far and here recently her dreams had been haunted by a prince with red hair and amber eyes. It was like the gods were teasing her. 

After pacing around her room she decided to go out for a walk in the woods behind their castle, the warm summer air feeling nice against her skin. It was almost dark but she was not afraid, she knew these woods like the back of her hand.  She snuck out her window and climbed down to the ground, taking off into the night.

The soft moss on the ground felt nice under her toes as she went down one of her favorite paths. There was a babbling brook on her left side, a small meadow in front of her, and to her right, a man strung up in a hunting trap.

Wait.

She turned sharply, eyes widening in shock, and ran over to help. He was grunting in frustration, desperately trying to reach the rope that had tied his feet when he caught sight of her.

“Oh thank the gods.” The man sighed in relief, beginning to explain what had happened until the princess stopped a few feet away. She realized it wasn’t just any man caught in the trap…it was the prince from her childhood.

“It’s you.” The princess faltered, staring into the eyes of the man who had caused her much grief. He was more rugged, with frown lines on the top of his forehead though it did not take away from how beautiful he was. She cursed the butterflies that swam in her stomach, a small part of her wondering if this was the reason she had been dreaming of him recently.

“Princess, I-” The prince began but she stood straighter and crossed her arms, turning her head away. 

“I made a promise that I would never lay my eyes upon you again, prince.” She said, glaring off into the horizon. “Maybe if you weren’t somewhere you didn’t belong you wouldn’t find yourself hanging upside down.”

“Still holding that over my head, huh?” His lips turned into a crooked smile. “I know it wasn’t the kindest thing but-”

“No, there are no buts.” She interrupted, throwing her hands up in frustration. “What are you even doing out here?”

“I’ve come for your ball, to see you.” The prince said honestly, taking her off guard. It made her heart skip a beat. They hadn’t spoken in five years, he knew she was avoiding him, and yet he still traveled all this way to see her. 

All of these new emotions were confusing her brain and the prince seemed to be enjoying how he had shocked her, even if he was still hanging upside down. The princess sighed and grabbed a small knife she kept sheathed in her shoe, cutting down the rope.

He grunted when he hit the cool forest floor with a thump, relief etched on his face as he lay there for a few minutes. The princess rolled her eyes, stuffing the knife back into its place and turning to walk away. She needed to distance herself from him.

The prince scrambled to his feet, called her name, and started to run after her when she refused to turn back. He caught her arm and pulled her a little too roughly, sending both of them tumbling backward when he lost his footing. 

She landed on top of him, their legs intertwined and their noses touching as they shared the same breaths for several moments. It was as if time had frozen, her heart thudding in her chest while his eyes briefly dropped to her lips.

“Kiss him, kiss him!” Cladia shouted, sitting up straight in anticipation while Thea was hastily shaking her head in opposition.

“No, don’t!” Thea whined. “Mom please don’t make them kiss.”

“And why not? Don’t you think the prince is romantic?” A voice from the bedroom door asked, all of you turning to look and smiling when you saw your mate leaning against it.

“Eris…” You chided, blushing when he came to sit beside you and pulled you into his lap. “You’re interrupting our story.”

“I just want to know why my daughter doesn’t think the princess and prince should kiss, Y/N.” He smirks, glancing over at his two girls. “I think the prince has been perfectly respectable this whole story.”

“Pfft, you would.” You muttered under your breath, snickering when you felt a pinch on your hip.

“No, the prince has been so mean, dad!” Thea argued, standing up on her bed with her hands on her hips. “Did you not hear what he was saying?”

“Oh, he wasn’t that bad, Thea.” Eris countered, moving you off his lap and scooping her into his arms. She squealed with laughter as he turned and grabbed Calidia as well, holding them tight as they giggled until their faces were red. “I think he was just intimidated by the princess.”

You rolled your eyes and stood, snatching Calidia and kissing her head before laying her back in bed. “Okay, okay, that’s enough. It’s time for them to go to sleep.”

Eris slowly came to a stop and followed your lead with Thea, kissing her cheek while she exclaimed, “But mom, you didn’t finish the story! What did the princess do?”

“Yeah did she kiss him?” Calidia added, her eyes wide with curiosity. 

“Well…” You gazed at your mate, tilting your head as he watched you with laughter in his eyes. “I guess we’ll have to find out tomorrow.”

The girls began to protest but you held up your hand, giving them both a serious look before walking to the door with Eris. “Uh uh, it is late. I promise to tell you the rest tomorrow, okay?”

They nodded and you and Eris blew them kisses, snuffing out the lamp before quietly shutting the door. The two of you began walking to your room, hand in hand, as the moon lit up the hallway. 

“Do I get to know if the princess kissed him?” Eris asked playfully, pulling you into his arms when you arrived at your bedroom door.

“Hmm…” You pondered out loud, glancing towards the door before back at him. “I suggest we head into the bedroom and you can find out for yourself.”

[halfmoth-halfman]

may i interest you in some more fic recs????😉

the second half of my may fic rec list!! if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

may fic recs pt. 1

John Price

missed you - @thanksbutno98

✧ everything i wanted and more omg this is the treatment price deserves tbh. man deserves to relax and be pampered like a princess. such a cute fic that filled my need for fluff perfectly!!

bloodstained honesty || part two - @a-world-with0ut-dr34ms

✧ had me on the edge of my damn seat good lord. saw this line “Price?” and had to stop reading to do a lap around my living room, this fic had me stressing tf out but in the best way possible.

puppy love || five | six | seven | eight - @writeforfandoms

✧ price. puppies. perfection. am i sad to see this series come to an end? yes. but it was fantastic from start to finish and i know i will absolutely being coming back to read this again and again.

languish - @moriflos

✧ you ever read something once and then decide that once isn't enough and just spend an hour reading it over and over and over? that was me with this fic. idk how to describe the way you write, i was so drawn in, craving more. "But for now, he can only watch as his heart returns to him in ashes-" just uuuggghhh i love it.

rise and fall of tides - @queenquazar

✧ moon/moonlight is such a cute callsign, i was already hooked before i started reading. and when i got to the actual fic?? stunned. the entire dancing scene had me smiling and blushing, i love the way you write price and moon and their relationship

ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - @yeyinde

✧ i don't think there will ever come a day where i'm not left in absolute awe by one of lev's fics. everything is literal poetry and this is fic is no exception. i can't describe the way it makes me feel, like i've been given the christmas present i've been waiting all year for

sad girl - @guyfieriii

✧ new price fic from the writer who inspired me to start my mob!au???? say less. the way you write price is so just aslkdakljs the way you write in general is just alsdkjal. i literally do not have words for how much i love this

karma - @stormiwaves

✧ honeypot mission!!! we love to see it!!!! "The dress was karma, filthy karma that Price deserved." yes girl, get it!! jealous!price isn't something i see often, but i loved the way your wrote it here and that ending?? 👀🔥

untitled - @ghostaholics

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼soulmate👏🏼au's👏🏼 and this has me going absolutely feral. the phantom pain for his injuries, the journal, the angst, the panic, that ending??? if there is ever a full version, please know that i will lose my mind, it will be an immediate fave just like this is.

choices and consequences - @ghostandsoap

✧ this one hurt real good. the talks about guilt, the choices you have to make, the job, all of it was done so well. this was so wonderful and heart-clenching, i loved every bit of it.

our remains - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i just- i mean- what else is there to say but

handsome stranger || part 8 - @alittleposhtoad

✧ not only did this fic make me hungry for soup, it made me kick my feet and twirl my hair. so much fluff and right up my ally, i binged this series and loved every single bit of it.

fair game - @guyfieriii

✧ got me blushing and sweating like a sinner in church and staring at my phone like

turn me to ashes - @guyfieriii

✧ when you said angsty little piece, i was not expecting to have my heart ripped out be left with a gaping void in my chest. i know i love a good angst fic but god damn if that didn't reach into the pits of my soul and destroy any feeling of happiness i had when i started reading. 10/10

price headcanons - @soapskneebrace

✧ the perfect piece of softness to make me feel better after the absolute heartbreak of the previous fic. the characterization is 100% on point here, one of the best i've read and so so so sweet.

price holding his first-born child - @daisies-daydreams

✧ big tough military men holding and being weak over little babies is my jam. it's the fluff, the sweetness, the soft domesticity of it all. the way he reads the book to her, i'm so weak for this fic.

a drink from her cup - @lunarvicar

✧ that post that inspired this has lived rent free in my mind for so long, and i was ecstatic to see you write something for it. i'm so down bad for this man and for your writing and the way you write him.

gem amra kheli - @guyfieriii

✧ i don't think i've ever talked about how much i adore the way you write banter, the little back and forths and comments between price and reader. everything just feels so real, so grounded and i'm completely obsessed

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

cult of vagabonds || ch. 3 - banshee bluethroat | ch. 4 - finch's frenzy - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm screaming. vomiting. scromiting profusely.

"I hate you."

"I know."

how dare you do this to me.

reveries of a lost lamb - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ what's it like to be able to be one of the best writers on earth? i seriously cannot comprehend the sheer amount of talent and ability you have at writing the most captivating and emotion evoking fics i've ever read.

A golden sunrise, tangled fingers; gentle lips.

“I think I love you.” 

i'm deceased.

aiaigasa (相合傘) - @captainpriceslover

✧ i read "Your part of London smelled like wet pennies that evening." and was instantly sold. the rest of the fic was so fantastic, the perfect dose of sweetness i needed, i love gaz and the way you write him so much!!

white flag - @writeforfandoms

✧ you cannot stress me out like this!! but also please continue to stress me out like this!! also the little nicknames for price and gaz had me laughing so hard, esp price.

it's over - @itsohh

✧ i really loved this, i don't think i've seen a lot of fics with gaz that really talk about what he's gone through and how missions affect him and this one does it incredibly well. serious, yet heartwarming, i adore it.

Multiple

dead disco || chapter 4 | chapter 5 | combat baby - @peachesofteal

✧ never before have a i read a series that has captured my attention so much that willingly skipped out on lunch to read it. i couldn't stop, i am in love with this fic, the writing, the characterization, everything about it. there isn't a single flaw to be found here.

how they wake you up in the mornings - @nia-writes

✧ this was so cute, and the addition of the different scenarios for how the characters would wake you made it all the more better. i was blushing, laughing, anxious, constantly giggling about FOAP. such a fun read!!

soulmate au - @itsohh

✧ i've said it once and i will say it again, i love soulmate!aus!! and god the angst in these just raked me over the coals. angst is something i love seeing in soulmate fics and this was so expertly done, my heart still hurts when i think about it

touching their cheek for the first time - @runicarbiter02

✧ absolute cuteness all around, like a cuteness overload. each one fit so well, but i'm gonna take a second to really talk about the love of my life, Roach, being included in this and how this has become an automatic fav just for that.

physical touch - @siilvan

✧ tbh i came to this for the gaz hcs but it was so good that i immediately read the rest and damn near screamed when i saw roach on there. so cute, and adorable, and absolutely perfect i loved every bit of this!!

kiss headcanons - @mangowafflesss

✧ such a cute idea that you did amazing on!! i love kisses and kiss fics and i think you absolutely nailed it here. honestly me and reader are the same because i too would just like to smooch the 141 boys all over.

getting into an accident and being hospitalised while the team is deployed - @daisies-daydreams

✧ slipping while getting out of the shower and needing to have your jaw hinged shut?? reader's just like me fr. this was very sweet, a lovely little dose of fluff with a sprinkle of angst

Simon "Ghost" Riley

silk series || silk ties - @uselsshuman

✧ i screamed. shrieked. went through a rollercoaster of emotions when this series updated. it was everything i wanted, more than everything i wanted, just so unbelievably beyond expectations!! and this:

“Stay with me for now then.”

stay with me forever wtf

no more || chapter 6 - hypnosis - @lethalchiralium

✧ we love a man who wants to apologize but man we gotta get ghost into therapy or st 😂seriously though, this was fun and the little back and forth about having a dad had me giggling

a bath - @blackssuunn

✧ i can't- i literally can't- this is too fluffy, too sweet, too perfect. i'm in awe of your writing "His eyes burn a little. Not a single drop of soap entered them." i'm speechless.

pomp - @bits-and-babs

✧ we stan anti-monarchy simon LOL so great and thos poor guards stuck at the doors. i went from blushing to cackling in like two seconds

tones - @blackssuunn

✧ soft lovely dovey simon is my favorite and you write him so incredibly well. the way this man is absolutely whipped for his partner, i adore it and i adore you for writing this

between dreams and sugar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i think i'm addicted to your angst, i keep happily going into these angst fics like i don't know i'm about to have my heart shredded into a million pieces. was there a happy ending here? yes. but it still hurt and i still loved it!!

feverish simon confesses to you - @angelltheninth

✧ this is such a cute trope that i don't read that much of, but i loved every bit of this! so much cuteness and let's be real, ghost is def the type of guy who would try and wait out an illness even if it was life-threatening 😂

footprints in the snow - @bittersw33t-lotus

✧ hello??? this was one of the sweetest things i've ever read??? i'm such a sucker for soft!simon esp when he's still a little shit and you've written that so perfectly

happiness series || you belong with me - @lethalchiralium

✧ i swear i'm totally normal about this series i'm not i totally don't immediately go feral every time it updates i do and i totally and definitely don't drop and ignore everything to reread the entire series with every new chapter i won't apologize

untitled - @lunarvicar

✧ the way you write simon and the way he shows love and how he cares has me so weak and how he teases is so aldkasjdkljk he's an asshole and i love him and i can never get enough of the way you write him

simon & rain little headcanons - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ aaaahhhh simon and rain!!! i've missed these two and when i tell you i sprinted to read this!! i love the way your write their dynamic/relationship and just how real and fun it feels!! you're literally so good at writing ghost, i can't even deal with

sassy series || ch. 3 excerpt - @peachesofteal

✧ i have never wanted to read a full chapter so bad in my entire life. this excerpt is like a the most delicious little appetizers and i'm vibrating with excitement for the full meal!!

Valeria Garza

oh to be consumed by you - @sleepiexx

✧ i want to be consumed by valeria omg. i didn't even know vampire!val was something that i wanted-no, something that i needed-and this fic just came out of nowhere and hit me over the head in the best way possible.

[dreamcatcher92]

Coercion Chapter Three

So this is my second smut story that I have been working on. I am hoping you all enjoy!

It is a bit dark. Yes, Billy Russo is of course our main character aside from a girl named Cassidy. Who is completely made up and meant to be played by the reader. The other characters that are mentioned in this story are made up as well and not based on anyone in particular. I did this one differently than my first story, but I wanted to switch up my writing style a bit. So you may see more differences in other stories to come. Things that are bold and italicized are thoughts.

Now for some warnings for the entire story but necessarily in the current chapter you read: dark Billy for sure, non-con, dub-con, kidnapping, NSFW, 18+, smut, sex, rape, attempted rape, physical violence, abusive behavior, language. I think that covers it, but sorry if I missed something.

Read at your own risk.

The next morning, as Cassidy slowly opens her eyes, she is met with Billy’s piercing black stare. She lets out a small gasp, not expecting to wake up with him directly in her face. She instantly felt a lump form in her throat and nerves began to take over.

“Good morning.” she whispered shakily.

Billy leans up on his elbow and looks down at Cassidy, “Look, as long as you obey me and do exactly what I tell you to do, I have no intentions of hurting you. In fact, if you’re a good girl for me, I’ll treat you to rewards when you deserve them.” 

He was running the back of his hand on Cassidy’s cheek this entire time, feeling almost feather-like with how gently he was touching her. She never broke eye contact and nodded in agreement after he finished speaking. Just as she began to feel the slightest bit of calmness, Billy began to speak once more and took his hand away. Only this time, his tone has become a bit harsh to get his point across to her that he isn’t fucking around here.

“However, if you disobey me in any way, you will be punished. Do you understand me?”

“Y-yes, I understand Billy.”

“Just because I said that I have no intentions of hurting you, does not mean that I won’t if I need to. Got it?”

Cassidy’s heart was pounding, “Got it.”

Billy rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of gray sweatpants. He turned to face Cassidy and reached out a hand. She grabbed hold of his hand, and he pulled her up out of the bed. She stood still as instructed in one of Billy’s t-shirts while Billy went to get the luggage.

Moments later, he came back through the door with all three suitcases. He sat them down just inside the walk-in closet. 

He stepped into the doorway, “C’mon. I’ll show you where things need to go.” 

They both stood inside the closet and Billy told her where to put everything. At first, it seemed a bit overwhelming because of the huge amount of space and the amount of items in each piece of luggage. However, once Cassidy began folding clothes, putting shirts on hangers, and organizing Billy’s socks and boxers into drawers, things just began to flow easily. 

About forty-five minutes had passed, and Cassidy was almost done with everything. After placing the last hanger with a jet black suit on it onto the bar, she took a step back and marveled in her accomplishment. She decided to do a walk through to make sure everything was perfect and in its place before she would go get Billy from his office to show him the good job that she had done.

Hanging up, Billy’s t-shirts were color coordinated from lights to darks. Next to them came his dress shirts that he would wear under his suit jackets. Then, finally his abundant amount of expensive suits that each had its own clear suit bag to ensure that the suits stay in tip top shape. 

Looking inside the drawers that were built into the walls of the closet, were countless pairs of name brand jeans, sweatpants, and basketball type shorts. On the other side of the room in more drawers were his boxers and socks. Above these drawers was a smaller cubby space for more clothes to be hung. This is where Cassidy’s clothes are. 

She didn’t have much, only a few dresses ranging from lengths and styles. Some were flowy and more of a summer dress, and others were form fitting and looked very sexy and elegant. Just below the dangling dresses was a shelf where three pairs of panties and a silky nighty lay.

Cassidy went to Billy’s office and knocked lightly on the closed door. She was on edge because she hoped that he would be pleased with the job that she had done. She stood anxiously awaiting for the door to open with her eyes focused on the floor. Moments later, the door began to open.

Billy fully opened his office door, and walked to stand in the doorway. He leaned on one shoulder on the wooden frame and crossed his arms. He gave her a very serious stare. She felt as though he was staring straight into her soul. 

Finally the silence broke, “Well? You come to tell me somethin’ or are you just going to stand there?”

She slowly lifted her head and locked eyes with Billy, “I…I just wanted to tell you that I’m finished.”

“Alright, let’s go check out what you’ve done.” Billy said as he stepped out of the doorway and placed his hand on the small of Cassidy’s back.

He guided her down the hallway. She couldn’t help but to be nervous. All she wanted was to please him and not make him angry with her. Billy could feel her body vibrating from nerves, but he said nothing.

Once they reach the closet, they step inside and Billy begins his inspection. He runs his hand along the hanging clothes and opens each drawer to see that every one of them was in pristine shape and to his liking. After several minutes, he turned to look at Cassidy. 

He smiled, “Looks good sweetheart.”

Cassidy’s eyes closed and she let out a long sigh of relief, “Thank you, I’m glad you like it.”

He let out a small laugh, “Did you think I wouldn’t? Did I miss something?”

“No! You didn’t miss anything! I’m just really happy that you like it. I wanted to…” she trailed off as she looked to the ground while fidgeting with her hands and biting her lower lip.

“Wanted to what?” he said as he took a step towards her.

She cleared her throat, but kept her eyes on the ground, “I - I wanted to show you that…I can be a good girl for you.”

This pleased Billy tremendously and brought a big grin to his face. He walked up to her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. He slowly ran his hands down the length of her arms to her hands. He grabbed her hands with his and pulled them up to his lips. She followed their hands with her eyes watching his every move.

He placed a soft kiss on her hands, “How about a small reward then for my good girl?”

She felt her heart flutter and nodded her head, “Okay.”

He led her back into the bedroom where he sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the spot beside him for her to sit as well. Oh God. Breathe Cass. She sat down, and tried to relax, but her mind was racing.

“What’s your favorite kind of food? Billy asked.

Completely surprised by this question, Cassidy grinned, “Um, I like a lot of things, but I really love pizza.”

Billy couldn’t help but chuckle at the answer she gave, “Pizza?! Out of everything you can think of, pizza is your favorite?”

She giggled, “Yes! I could  never have it growing up. So once I moved to the city, that was the first thing that I wanted to try. I was hooked from there. Thin crust pepperoni and Brooklyn style with extra cheese are the best.”

“Okay, pizza it is then!”

“For what?”

“Dinner silly. What? Pizza and a movie not sound like a good reward to you?”

Her heart skipped. Shit! Don’t piss him off now! 

She grabbed his hands, “No, it’s not that! I - I just wasn’t expecting it. I’m sorry Billy, I didn’t…”

He stopped her and placed a hand on her face cupping her cheek, “Relax sweetheart. I’m messing with you.”

She huffed out a sigh of relief, “Oh!”

“Alright, let’s go order some pizza and find a movie to watch.” he said as he stood and held out a hand to her.

She grabbed his hand and stood up, “Okay Billy.”

Moments later they were in the kitchen. Billy swiftly lifted Cassidy up and onto the island that was in the center of the kitchen. She gasped at the sudden feeling of the cold marble on the back of her thighs. He stood in front of her and pulled his cellphone from his pocket.

Billy called and ordered two large pizzas. One thin crust pepperoni and one Brooklyn style pizza with extra cheese. Cassidy couldn’t help the wide grin on her face as she listened to Billy order the food. 

Once he hung up, he laid the phone facedown on the counter beside her. He parted her legs which made her let out another gasp. After he positioned himself to stand between her thighs, he placed a hand on each of her cheeks and stared into her eyes. He looked a bit more serious right now, and she began to get a bit anxious.

“When the pizza delivery guy comes, you better not try anything.” he said to her in a deep tone.

“I won’t, I promise.” she whimpered.

He took his hands off her cheeks and quickly placed one on her neck, gripping slightly tight, “I’m serious.”

She grabbed his arm as soon as he gripped her neck, “Please Billy, I won’t try anything.”

He loosened his grip on her and took a step back, “Let’s go find a movie to watch.”

He helped her off the kitchen island and they went into the living room. Billy sat at the end of the couch with one arm draped over Cassidy. She sat beside him, and after a few minutes of being tensed up, she finally relaxed against Billy’s side. 

As Billy was scrolling through the movies on Netflix, the keypad by the door began to ring. He got up and before walking over to the door, he gave Cassidy a serious look of warning. She knew that she better behave, because she was terrified of what he might do.

Billy typed the code to the gate in and let the delivery guy drive up to the house. He grabbed some cash from his wallet and met the man just outside the door. She could hear the two have a bit of small talk during the exchange, but she didn’t dare make a sound.

He came back inside, pizzas in hand and looked at Cassidy. She was sitting like a statue in the center of the couch with her hands on her knees waiting. Billy cleared his throat causing her to jump a bit and look at him.

“Come here. Help me get some plates and napkins.” he said, motioning her over with his head.

A couple hours passed, and both Billy and Cassidy were stuffed from the pizza. The credits to the action movie were rolling on the television. Cassidy looked at Billy and gave him a big smile.

“Thank you for tonight.”

He smiled back at her, “You’re welcome sweetheart.”

Billy cupped Cassidy’s chin and leaned into her. He gently pressed his soft lips against Cassidy’s. After only a few seconds, he pulled back and opened his eyes to see a tear fall from her eye. She was petrified and had no idea how to react. She looked at him like a deer in headlights. She didn’t know what to do. She’d never been kissed before. In fact, she’s never done anything before. 

“What’s wrong?” he said as he brushed the tear from her cheek.

“I’m sorry. I…That’s never happened to me before.” she sniffled.

Billy was dumbfounded, “What?”

“I’ve never kissed anyone before.” she looked down and started fidgeting with her hands again.

“Hey, look at me.” he said softly.

She looked back up to meet his dark eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Shh, there’s nothing to apologize for. It’s okay. It’s just something that we will have to work on, okay?” 

“O - okay.” 

“Come on, let’s go get some sleep huh?” Billy said standing up.

She nodded and stood up from her seat, “That sounds nice.”

They left everything sitting in the living room on the coffee table to be cleaned up tomorrow. Billy turned off the T.V. and held Cassidy’s hand as they walked to the bedroom. After changing into her silk nighty, she came out from the bathroom to see Billy laying in bed waiting for her.

Cassidy climbed into bed beside Billy and snuggled under the covers. Billy rolled onto his side facing her and pulled her close to him. Her back was now pressed firmly against his bare chest.

“Listen, you are going to have to get used to me touching you and kissing you, but we’ll go slow with everything. There’s no need to worry alright? Like I said before Cass, I have no intentions in hurting you, especially that way.” he whispered into her ear.

She felt her body untense at his words, “Okay.”

He kissed her head and whispered into her ear once more, “Get some sleep sweetheart.”

Tag list:

@ladyblacky @pat-sirius @bxtchopolis

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of a reading week

11pm, tuesday, feb 20, 2024

hello beloveds. just wrote two increasingly passionate paragraphs about what social media and my use of it over the years has done to benefit my life, and got so genuinely moved that i had to come talk to you about it.

reading really wild mix of reading material of late. surprisingly high amount of YA, because people keep recommending me things and i keep going 'sure, let's try it!' so i'll use that as an organizing principle and save discussing some of the others for a future post. in order of completion:

firekeeper's daughter, angeline boulley, read by isabella lablanc. finished in a rush, very engaged in the last three-four hours. i was never prepared for the next thing this plot threw at me, though in retrospect saw how it all made sense. i didn't know a thing about it going in, which i think actually enriched the experience a lot, but for a novel set in michigan's UP and sugar island, it resonated with a lot of things i associate with ontario after living here for five+ years. the hockey, the ojibwe /anishinaabe names and cultural connections, the murdered and missing indigenous women. but it also mixes in elements reminiscent of, like, braiding sweetgrass (and tangentially mexican gothic) and various fan fiction tropes i recognized in their shape if not their execution. highly recommend the audiobook-- they cast the audiobook's narrator very carefully, and she does a superb job juggling the mix of scientific jargon, teen narrator unreliable/dramatic narrator (loving), and Anishinaabemowin.

castle in the clouds, kerstin gier, translated by romy fursland. maybe 33% through. it's giving grand budapest hotel and somehow also the princess diaries? it's also reminding me somehow of, like, the kind of novel i wanted to write as a second or third grader, which means eva ibbotson, and a particular flavor of plucky, intelligent heroine. i was hooked by the first page+ but have yet to see a ton more of the same high action and suspense, and have let this one slip a little further onto the back burner. it's cute escapism at the moment, though that may change.

fourth wing, by rebecca yarros, read by rebecca soler (and apparently also teddy hamilton, although i haven't gotten to him yet?) about 25% through. trying desperately to give us a gritty, hardcore, new and dangerous and fun take on dragons and their human riders, while also trying to be idk divergent? the hunger games? there's a love triangle, the protagonist has naturally ombre hair, the premise of the novel is brutal training where young adults are all dying in improbable droves due to how cutthroat and brutal it is. a testament to the narrator that i am, despite myself, having a great time. there are a few too many supporting characters who want our main girl straight up dead for me to really find the threats believable, but i'm intrigued by the prospect of alternate versions of this world's history than what she has learned and a potential for discovering how their kingdom has? manipulated them? could be asking too much.

fairest, gail carson levine. finished in a long saturday morning spent reading in bed. i was such an intense and dedicated fan of the original ella enchanted novel that i couldn't read most of levine's other books (exceptions for her short stories made grudgingly) because they weren't sequels and weren't the same and wouldn't be as good. in fairness, reading this now as a much-older-than-the-intended audience, perhaps i was too harsh-- but i think little-me was right to be a little suspicious. it's a snow white retelling, and again i think largely successful in building a more detailed plot in which the elements of the retold fairy tale are embedded, but where the focus in ella was on language and obedience and free will, here we're trying to articulate things about beauty and body image, and it's harder to say that it really succeeds? i like that we gave the Wicked Queen more nuance, positive and negative qualities, moments of sympathy, a name and a precarious political position. i was not nearly as charmed by the romance (fine, fine, it's not ella and char but it couldn't be, it's fine). i still love the use of unfamiliar / fairy-tale languages and how levine puts them on the page in such fun spellings. probably aimed at the youngest audience, of the four titles here, but treats its reader as almost more intelligent than fourth wing, possibly? YA from ~twenty years ago was a different world.

listening graded like twenty quizzes today with just a mess of random panic at the disco bumping in my headphones. it's a hell of a feeling, etc. i'm halfway through this particular round of grading, and they're doing so well, so it's mainly a quick check to make sure they got the basics right and i can jam while doing so.

watching spent a very pleasant ~2 hours yesterday watching as much as we could of the film amadeus with @hematiterings, @pep-squad-lizzie, and @dimir-charmer. love a film that isn't afraid to lean into all its sensory indulgences, and to be a little heavy-handed with its symbolism (the chocolate is about repression!) and to, just generally, spend money on costumes, locations, hiring lots of extras, and so many wigs. there's a live event performance of this film with orchestra + choir being advertised all over our subway right now, so it does very much feel like we're being followed by this guy:

...but what's sticking in my head right now is the costumes.

playing 41+ hours into hollow knight. i have opened half of my stag stations! i have the dream nail, surprisingly early i think! i have saved bretta! i have somehow missed the mantis lords, i think, but have made it to the city, the resting grounds, and have now been throwing myself fruitlessly against the crystal guardian and a soul warrior in alternation. i am...not good at combat. current plan is to grind to get quick focus, and i'm close! also, @spoonierbard stepped in and gave me a much needed morale boost by winning me the final mask shard necessary to get increased lives, which has helped tremendously, and the grubs rewarded me with the grub song charm which has helped tremendously.

making many potential projects, none executed (or even really attempted). soon, hopefully. fallow section for now. does music count? music counts, right? i joined a second choir! enticed by the chance to perform mozart's requiem in full with an orchestra, and finally fulfill the broken promise of 2020. that's my hobby right now. oh i also just cleaned out a ton of storage in my phone + icloud, which felt generative in its own way. besides backing things up better than i have in a while.

working on submitted the travel money application i've been thinking and dithering about since...this time last year? no real expectation of getting it, but it did actually help me consider some next steps in the diss, so that's nice. now prepping to take my class on two fun on-campus field trips next week, one to the manuscript library and one to the medieval collection in our little hidden art museum! i need to write some notes up for the TAs and docents to use, and finish organizing my list of desired manuscripts, like, yesterday. midterm grades posted today, a little late but hopefully not too bad, still well before the drop date. the aforementioned quizzes (i have like 28 more to grade, but they're reasonably painless). plus i was going to work on my fucking dissertation this week, and prep to teach the next few lectures in advance so i'm not scrambling monday nights, plus send a bunch of emails, design a CFP poster, put in some RAship hours so i can speak intelligently in my meeting tomorrow, and....prep for the guest lecture i'm giving on the 28th! it's a reskin of the conference paper i gave this summer, freshly edited, but i need to expand the intro bits to include a useful overview, since these students aren't a conference of celticists.

weirdly at peace with how my work-life balance is balancing right now, though. it's the extra sleep and the increased sunshine, and the little cat who is being so so whiny right now. i must conclude these lines and feed Herself.

[captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship]

Men pay a lot of money to get their name into Gwyn's exclusive black book - enough that, with careful planning, she's putting herself through law school debt-free. Once she's graduated, she can retire the high heels and little black dresses and get to work in the pursuit of justice that she and her sister never received.

Azriel Singer's profile intrigues her, with a smile that never shines in his eyes and a delectable body. But will his attitude get in the way of any future potential?

I am so fortunate to be chosen to write Ch.2 of this fic for the ACOTAR Writing Circle 3 that has been coordinated by the amazing @azrielshadowssing

Part 1 was written by the incredible @hlizr50 and I hope I did this work justice!

Here is the link to Part 2, or read below!

TW: mentions of SA

ONE MONTH LATER

This had been a month from Hell. Gwyn was all but dying as she turned in her final assignment of the semester, thankful that she had somehow found the time to study and work a few extra nights of the week. 

Gwyn had met with Tarquin the day after the disastrous meeting with Azriel. He was sweet and her saving grace over the last month. He didn’t want anything more than what she was used to offering - just a few weekends of fun. She made her rent with some cash to spare just from him alone.

 It was all fine, but Gwyn couldn’t stop herself from venturing to Azriel’s profile, perplexed at what kind of bullshit someone had to go through in order to be such a massive asshole. He was hot, sure, and the kind of rich that would make paying off her college tuition look like a drop in the bucket. Had he been even a little less of dick, she might have milked him for all he was worth. 

So fuck him. 

But still… she couldn’t delete his profile off of her contact list. Couldn’t break that single connection to the man who equally perplexed and infuriated her. 

Gwyn’s phone pinged, bringing her out of her stupor and back to reality. Her group chat with Nesta and Emerie consisted of funny memes, gossip, and the only source of true fun Gwyn had had in ages.

Nesta:

Let's go out tonight to celebrate! 

Gwyn:

I am exhausted, Nesta. Maybe next time?

Gwyn entered her apartment and collapsed on the couch, ready to pass out and allow herself the bliss of sleep. Her phone went off again, and she silently cursed as she read the next message.

Emerie:

Take a nap and then join us! It isn’t everyday that you finish your second year of Law School, let alone in the top five of your class. You are a shoe in for any internship in the country. Take the evening off and just live a little! 

Gwyn thought about it. When was the last time she really spent time with her best friends? Her weekends were filled with being whisked away on private jets to sunny beaches with Tarquin and her week days were jammed with studying and writing paper after paper. She had some money left over, and with this break coming up she could take on more clients than usual to get ahead of her bills. 

Gwyn:

Fine, you win. Now you guys leave me be for the next 6 hours and then we can meet at Rita’s at 9pm? 

Nesta:

YES! Finally!!!! First shot’s on me ;)

Emerie:

WOOOOOOO! 

Emerie:

Ok, love. Get some sleep, because tonight we PARTY!

Gwyn chuckled at their enthusiasm, and it wasn’t long before she set her alarm and passed out- content and excited for the night to come. 

----

Gwyn, Nesta and Emerie strode into the club and headed straight for the bar opposite the dancefloor. 

“Three tequila shots and lime, thanks.” Nesta said, gesturing to the male bartender, Balthazar. She had taken a martial arts class with him when they all attended Velaris University and he always hooked the girls up when they came in. He just smiled and brought them right over, ignoring the guys who seemed to be attempting to flag him down to bring them some beers. Nesta just gave them one of her cold smiles and they shut right up.

“Here you go ladies.” Balthazar crooned as he dropped 4 shots of tequila and a small bowl of limes down in front of them. He smiled at Gwyn kindly and she was alway happy to see a friendly, male face whenever she was here. “I haven’t seen you in a while, Gwyn. Finally crawling out of your den to join us in the land of the drunk and living?”

“If only you knew the half of it. I’m literally bending over backwards to finish this degree. You try finding the time to make the dean’s honors list in Law School, work your ass off, and still look this good in heels after a final’s week from hell.” Gwyn retorted back. 

His gaze dropped to said heels appreciatively. Perhaps it took a moment longer than necessary for his eyes to crawl back up her legs to her smirking features, but Gwyn wasn’t complaining. He just put his hands up in silent surrender and passed out the shots to all of us. 

Nesta held her glass out in a toast. “To the shit we have seen, and the shit to come. At least the booze and company are worth it all.” They all grabbed a lime slice, clinked their shots together, and knocked them back. Gwyn savored the heat of the tequila running down her throat. 

As she slammed her glass down on the bar victoriously, Gwyn could feel someone watching her. Her neck tingled as a gaze- hard and determined- bore into her back. Turning towards the dancefloor, she scanned the room until her eyes landed on a pair of familiar hazel ones. Ones that she had ogled in fascination all month behind the comfort of her phone screen.

Azriel was standing there and staring directly at her. No trepidation. No hint of shyness about him all. 

She couldn’t read his expression from so far away, but she could feel his eyes raking down her body - noticing her tight cobalt outfit. The skirt barely covered her most intimate areas and her crop top wrapped around the curve of her body as though it were tailored just for her. The fabric shimmered under the club lights, giving the illusion of moonlight on an ocean wave.  

His gaze sent electricity sparking up Gwyn’s spine. For the first time in a long time, she felt exposed under his attention. Once Azriel’s eyes met hers again, she remembered the reason they were in this predicament and turned her back to him - deciding to ignore the source of her current vexation for the rest of the night. 

Despite her best efforts to ignore him, Gwyn couldn’t help but feel Azriel’s piercing gaze on her back the entire time. 

She just ordered another round of shots from Balthazar, whose doting attention was not unnoticed. When the shot glasses of vodka arrived, she turned around to see Azriel sitting in a booth on the other side of the club with two people she hadn’t taken notice of before. The man was as large as a tank. His long hair was tied up in a messy bun and Gwyn could spot some black swirling tattoos peeking out from the open buttons of his black dress shirt. 

The woman, sitting on the other side of the long-haired man, was one of the most stunning women Gwyn had ever seen. Surely a model, her golden blonde hair fell in waves around her face and down her back. She was wearing a deep gold top that just barely covered her chest, with chains at the neck and back leaving her tanned skin utterly exposed. Her matching skirt had her shining like a gilded sunset.

“Looks like you have a secret admirer, Gwyn.” Nesta teased from beside her. 

Gwyn scowled in reply, content to follow out her plans to have fun and not think about work for a night. Or for that matter, a pair of hazel eyes that saw entirely too much and a broad muscular form that appeared as though it were carved by a Renaissance artist. Why did he have to be such an asshole? Gwyn hated him for it.

“His friends aren’t so bad to look at, either,” Emerie said. I turned to look at her and found her eying Azriel’s blonde friend with predatory intent. She smiled a little to herself. Although Gwyn was determined not to get any tonight, she wouldn’t stop her friends if they wished to partake in a one-night stand. 

Perhaps it was reckless, but Gwyn couldn’t help but stare Azriel in the eye as she took her shot, not bothering with a chaser. He leaned forward in his seat - his eyes tracking the small drop that seemed to escape Gwyn’s lips and ran down the side of her mouth. She wiped it with her thumb and sucked it off- refusing to let her gaze fall from his. Gwyn just winked at him and turned back to her friends. 

She hoped he felt the same lick of fire creep up her depths and ricochet through her spine. She wondered if the air had gone thick with heat and tension for him as well. But Gwyn didn’t chance another glance over to him. 

This was war, and she was determined to win. 

“Let's go dance.” Was all she said, and her friends followed in tow.

----- 

The dance floor was packed tonight. Rita’s was only a few blocks away from the university, so everyone was trying to make the most of their end of semester celebrations. The girls found their way to the middle of the dance floor and started jumping and swaying with the music. For a while, Gwyn forgot about the pair of hazel eyes that had been watching her all night. 

At some point, Nesta had spotted the man who had come with Azriel, and she left without a further glance at them. 

He was exactly her type: bold, dominant, and from the way he laughed, he was definitely a teddy bear at heart. Gwyn and Emerie started laughing to themselves at how the man’s jaw seemed to drop when he saw Nesta approaching him. When they approached each other, drifting as though attached to some magnetic force, the gaze they shared was so intimate, Gwyn almost looked away - but the liquor in her system had robbed her of that courtesy. 

“How much do you want to bet that Nesta will be waking up in his bed in the morning?” Emerie joked, yelling slightly over the loud music. 

“They are either going to hate each other or be inseparable. Time to start writing the wedding invitations now.” Gwyn yelled back. Both girls fell into a fit of giggles as they casually watched Nesta and man start dancing with each other at the edge of the dancefloor.

A few more songs passed by, and Gwyn was fully entranced by the music and tequila. She hadn’t had enough to be drunk, but she did have just enough to loosen her inhibitions. Maybe that was why she had teased Azriel relentlessly at the bar. Gwyn looked over to Emerie who seemed to be distracted, continuously staring at the blonde woman who had come with Azriel. It seemed the woman was staring at her right back. 

“Go shoot your shot, Em. I will be fine. I was hoping to leave in a few songs anyways.” Gwyn said with teasing encouragement. 

Emerie looked nervous, chewing on her lip as her eyes scanned Gwyn. “Are you sure? What if she isn’t into girls?”

Gwyn just squeezed her arm in gentle encouragement, “You will never know unless you go up to her and ask.” 

Emerie stayed until the end of the song, trying to dance away her nerves. When one song flowed into another, she said, “Ok. I’m going. Are you sure you are gonna get home safe?” Gwyn knew Emerie was just trying to stall the inevitable, so she just laughed in return. “I’ll be fine, Em. Go. I will text you and Nesta when I get home.” It was always their unspoken rule. Every time they went out, they would text the group where they were headed after the club. It also helped that the girls shared their phone locations with each other - just in case. 

Emerie took a deep breath and turned towards the booth where the blonde was sitting, only to find it empty now. Looking around confused, Gwyn couldn’t help but feel bad for Emerie when all of a sudden her friend turned behind her to find the blonde tapping her shoulder. 

“Want to dance?” The blonde said, a warm smile washing over her face as she held out her hand. 

Emerie took it without hesitation, “I would like that.” 

Gwyn waved them off as she continued to dance by herself, just enjoying the flow of the music through her veins. 

She told herself she would stay for two more songs, make sure her friends were ok, and then head home to change into sweats, eat ice cream, and stream Grey’s on Netflix thanks to Nesta sharing her account with Gwyn. 

Midway through the penultimate song, a pair of hands gripped onto Gwyn’s waist. They were rough and felt wrong. The man pulled himself close, trying to dance with Gwyn but she was not in the mood to be manhandled today. 

She tried to turn out of the man’s grip, to shuffle away with a swift turn to the beat, but the guy just squeezed her waist tighter and tighter until she was being pulled against her will. 

Memories flashed through Gwyn’s mind. 

Dancing at a freshman year frat party. Another man’s hands on her waist. Her saying no as he brought her into a spare bedroom and took what he wanted from her. 

Gwyn stood frozen in fear, unable to say anything. She knew self-defense, of course. She had met Nesta and Emerie at a self defense course for women who had been through trauma. But there were too many people around her and she didn’t want to risk hurting anyone else. 

She tried to pry the dude’s fingers off of her waist, but he just leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Want to go home with me tonight, princess? That pretty outfit would look even better on the floor of my bedroom.” 

Gwyn shuddered in absolute disgust. What kind of douche just asks if you want to sleep with him without even introducing himself?

“I’m good, thanks. I was actually just heading out. Have a good night.” Gwyn tried to escape his grasp again, but he just held tighter and started roaming his hands down her sides. 

“Come on, Princess. It will be fun. What do you say?” he said in her other ear. His beer breath bombarded her nose and all but made her gag. Gwyn just about had it with him and was about to damn the consequences, but suddenly those hands were jerked off of her. 

In a startled haze, Gwyn turned only to find Azriel pulling the man off of her by the collar of his shirt. “The lady said she isn’t interested.” Azriel all but growled at the guy. 

The guy stared up at Azriel and balked. Azriel stood a whole head taller than him, and the look on his face would send most people running in the opposite direction. 

Gwyn couldn’t help but think that that look was kinda hot. Couldn’t help but bite her lip as heat swam through her depths, replacing the icy nausea that had made a home there just moments ago. 

The guy just stared between Azriel and Gwyn in shock. He didn’t wait around, sparing her a scoff and leaving. Azriel turned to Gwyn, his dark gaze roaming over her. Looking to see if she was hurt, she realized. 

“Are you ok?” He asked, taking a step towards her. 

That set Gwyn into motion. She took a step back, flicked her hair over her shoulder in fake bravado, and said cooly, “I’m fine. Thanks for the help.” 

She turned over her shoulder and walked right out of the club and into the cool summer breeze. 

----

She was in the middle of texting the girls and calling an uber when the club doors swung open beside her. Azriel walked out the doors in a frantic huff. He turned frantically in place until he noticed her leaning against the brick storefront, then all but ran towards her in a frenzy. 

“What the hell!?” He said in a panicked voice. “Why did you leave? I was looking everywhere for you.” 

Something tickled Gwyn’s nerves. On the one hand, it was sweet that he was looking for her. So at odds with the asshole she had interviewed with last month. On the other hand… “Why? Just cause I am an escort doesn’t mean that you are entitled to my time.”

“I know, but-”

She cut him off before he could give some bullshit excuse. “You made it perfectly clear the last time we met that you wanted nothing to do with me. So what the fuck was all that inside?” She crossed her arms over her chest in frustration. 

Azriel cringed at her comment. He loosed a sigh and looked down. Closing his eyes for a moment, he took in a shaky breath before he opened them to meet hers. “I’m sorry for how I treated you that day. I’ve been going through a rough time. My friends set me up and although their intentions are good, I wasn’t in the right headspace. Would you let me take you somewhere so I can explain?” His eyes were pleading. He actually looked sincere. 

This emotional rollercoaster was taking Gwyn for a loop. She shook her head and scoffed. “I was just groped by a random dude in the club. What makes you think I want to go anywhere with you right now?” 

Azriel’s eyes darkened with rage. He kept it bottled in as he said, “At least let me take you home. Maybe grab some food on the way? I just want to explain. Start over.” 

Gwyn didn’t want to deal with this right now. She was at her wits end and just wanted to go home. “Why do you even care, Azriel? We met once, you were an ass, and life moved on. Just leave me be.”

Gwyn was done. 

She was done with men who thought they were entitled to her because she sold her time and body. But there were still hers. 

Hers to choose who to spend her time with.

Hers to choose when to give it. 

But always her choice. 

Gwyn started to turn to walk down the street and put some distance between her and Azriel, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her. His grip was light and she could easily shake him off if she wanted to but something inside her was telling her to stay. To listen. 

“Please, Gwyn. Just give me a chance to explain. If I can’t convince you to give me a second chance by the time I drop you off at home, you will never hear from me again. You can have anything you want, just- please.” 

Gwyn stared at his eyes, and whatever she saw there made her sigh in resignation. She could ask for anything. A lot of her problems could be fixed with that kind of offer. She pulled out her phone and texted Nesta and Emerie.

Gwyn:

Taking a detour on my way home. Be safe!

She clicked off her phone and looked Azriel in the eyes, “Lead the way then, Singer.”

[enid-rhees]

Okay so that idea you have about the reader bringing Enid piercings got me thinking about non-apocalyptic/pre-apocalyptic Enid au...

Imagine being in your senior year with Enid, cept' she looks more like this:

*just pretend this is Enid not Elisia lmao-*

Andddd reader has a crush on Enid. She's intrigued by her piercings and her style...

So one day, Enid catches reader staring during class and teases her later on for it.

AGHHH IDK, I HAVE SO MANY Highschool!Enid au IDEASSS-

I'm sorry this is incredibly confusing...idek what I'm saying at this point haha, I'm high af rn 💀✋

ohhhh i love this and i’m able to picture this super cute interaction AAAA okay okay (and i am too 😭)

warnings: none! it’s just a really cute story :’)) although maybe a warning bc i based part of this on how it used to be in high school for me kinda (mostly the lunch part)

a/n: hope u all enjoy! 🫶🏻 requests are back open! if you’d like to request, just read pinned! all info is there :) also for the plot, you are an adopted Grimes child.

you hated math. everything about it was confusing, and you were never able to get the hang of it. the class was long, the teacher was boring, you would quite literally wish to be anywhere but here.

there was only one good thing about math class: Enid Rhee.

Enid Rhee is the girl that sat in the desk across from you. she was smart, insanely pretty, and had this nose piercing that somehow made her even prettier.

if you were being honest, you had a crush on Enid. scratch that - you had a huge crush on Enid. it was a bit pathetic, really. the two of you barely talked, and the few times you did, it left your face burning like crazy. she’s helped you with your in-class work, guiding you through each problem to help you pass.

you loved the way she dressed, how she expressed herself. she always wore darker clothing, and always wore this beanie on her head. but it was cute.

Enid always paid attention in class, because she never really spoke to anyone. she had her group of friends, but you only saw them together at lunch, which took place right after this class. that was also another good thing about math.

“okay, who knows the answer to question three?” the teacher called out, you jumped slightly at the loudness of his voice in the quiet classroom.

for a few seconds, nobody raised their hand. you kept your head down, making it seem like you were still working.

“ah, Enid! you know the answer?” you snapped your head up, Enid had her hand raised. she put it down, “six hundred and eighty seven?” she questioned unsurely.

god, she looked so cute. her maroon eyeshadow really made her green eyes pop, making it easy to get lost in them.

“yes! good, Enid! that’s the answer! everybody, make sure you write that down.” as everyone looked back down at their papers, your eyes were stuck in Enid.

she wrote down the answer, and started to move onto the next one. you sat there, your chin resting in the palm of your hand as you watched her with what could only be described as heart eyes.

she looked so cute when she was concentrated, biting her lip as she tried to figure out the answer.

“Y/N!” you jumped in your seat once more when the teacher yelled your name. your face burned as you looked up at him. “i asked you what the answer was to question four?” he asked, clearly annoyed with you for not paying attention.

“u-um,” you stuttered, looking down at your paper, when you looked back up, Enid was looking at you, a soft smile on her face. it made your face burn more.

she then held up 5 fingers underneath her desk. you quickly looked away, “the answer is five… sir.”

“correct! good job, Y/N. make sure to pay attention next time, yeah?” you nodded and put your head back down, mentally cursing at yourself for being caught doing that.

the bell suddenly rang and everyone stood up from their seats, shoving the paper into their folder and into their bag. “whatever you don’t finish is homework!” the teacher announced as everyone was leaving.

as you were putting your folder and notebook back into your bag, Enid appeared next to you. “hi.” she smiled.

“hi.” you smiled back, trying to act calm despite your racing heart. “having… trouble with the work?” she questioned, almost teasingly.

you looked down, trying to hide your growing smile. “uh, yeah. something like that.”

Enid thought for a moment, her eyes looking up at the ceiling briefly. “wanna uh, sit somewhere together at lunch? i could help you.”

it took you a moment to process what she said. your heart felt like it was going to explode. you were surprised she couldn’t hear how loud your heart was beating inside your chest.

“y-yeah. i’d love to.” you told her. her smile grew wider. “great, let’s go.”

you made your way to the cafeteria in silence, not knowing what to say to her. you hoped that maybe she felt equally as nervous.

the two of you got in line for food. Enid picked up two trays, handing one to you. you gave her a small smile as a thank you. thin crusted pizza sat in pans behind the glass, and you sighed in relief.

normally, you hated school food. but the pizza was somewhat good, and one of the most tolerable foods the school had to offer. didn’t go well with chocolate milk, though.

Enid led you to a two-chair table near the back of the cafeteria. when you sat down, you gave her a gave her a look of uncertainty, “are your uh, friends okay with you not sitting with them?”

she brushed it off with her hand, “they’re fine.” you nodded and took a bite of the pizza. “by the way, you didn’t have to give me the answer.” you chuckled.

Enid shrugged, “i don’t know, seemed like you were pretty distracted by something.” she said in a tone you couldn’t decipher.

you fumbled with the milk carton in your hand as you tried to think of what to say back. was it really that obvious you were staring at her?

“you know, if you like the way i look you can just tell me.” Enid said, confirming your thoughts from two seconds ago. you looked down at your food and tried to hide your embarrassment.

“sorry i-“ you laughed, genuinely at a loss for words. you took a deep breath, “i think you’re cool as hell, Enid.” you chuckled nervously. “you intrigue me.”

“yeah?” she questioned. “how?”

you shrugged, “i mean- your style, i love it. you’re… funny, and smart. but you’re quiet in class unless you have to answer a question. and something about it, i just really like.” you admitted, and you swore your heart was about to pound out of your chest any second.

Enid smiled, a tint of red highlighting her cheeks. “i think you’re pretty cool too.”

but she cleared her throat immediately, shaking her head slightly. “but uh, would you like some help with Mr. Rovia’s work? just so you don’t have to do it at home.”

you blinked, “yeah- yeah that would be nice.” you pulled your folder out of your bag and took the sheet of paper out. Enid pulled out her pen, immediately solving the next problem.

Enid then moved her chair closer to yours, and your shoulders were basically touching. you felt your heart start to race again.

she started to guide you through each problem, and if you were being honest, Enid was a better help than Mr. Rovia ever was. but that also went for most teachers anyway.

before you knew it, the two of you had finished the work. “thanks, Enid. genuinely.” you told her. “i’m always here to help.” she responded.

the bell rang again, signaling that lunch was over. you threw away the leftover food and placed the tray on top of the bin. your next class was science, another class you shared with Enid. but you also shared that class with your little shit of a brother, Carl.

when you entered the classroom, Enid pulled you by the sleeve over to an empty table with two seats. you looked over, and luckily, Carl was busy talking with his friend Henry.

Carl knew about your crush on Enid, and would take every opportunity he had to embarrass you if he saw you with her right now.

“hey, isn’t that your brother?” Enid questioned. you nodded, “yep. little asshole.”

Enid giggled, and that might’ve been one of the prettiest sounds you’ve ever heard.

“alright class!” the teacher shouted. it was highly unnecessary, given that the classroom was small and everyone was already paying attention.

“i’ve assigned a project.” she announced, and few people groaned. “oh hush. this one is more entertaining than the others. for this project, you need to make a replica of a volcano and recreate an eruption. you’ll be working with one other student, the person you’re sitting next to.”

you and Enid turned to each other with wide smiles. you’re unable to control how happy you are on the inside, knowing that this could bring you guys closer, and maybe-

“take your computers out and start researching the different types of eruptions that can occur with your partner. this project is due Friday.”

Enid pulled hers out, “ready to completely ace this project… partner?” she asked with the cutest grin.

you couldn’t help but get lost in her eyes once more, not understanding how someone this beautiful was in front of you.

you bit your lip as you tried to hide your own lovesick smile, “yeah… let’s do it.”

[americanrecord]

Hi, Kelsey! I hope you’ve have a nice holiday season. I was wondering if you had any tips for me? I’m starting university again after dropping out three years ago. I’m a pretty anxious person and am already feeling overwhelmed with my upcoming courses. How did you deal with pressure? Thank you ❤️

hi, ella! i have had a nice holiday season (despite the weird health issues going awn)!! and i hope you have too :-)

of course, i have tips! first of all, congratulations for making the decision to go back! that’s really exciting and a really big step toward wherever in the future you want to end up. i’m not sure if you’re going to attend online or in-person (either commuting or through living on campus), but i’m pretty sure all of my tips will be mostly applicable for all forms. (edit: they were mostly on-campus)

i also totally understand the anxiety. i got a little lucky when i was thrown into college life during the peak of the pandemic because we were all kind’ve bound to our dorm room and made to socialize, so i had nothing to do (beyond write fanfic lol) besides make myself be social with the other girls. however, i did experience really heavy bouts of anxiety when i was put back into standard in-person classes after a few years of luxury in online schooling (i found this method just agreed best with me — working at my own pace and not having to prioritize socializing. i actually became much more introverted during college/post-pandemic), just because i found it very difficult to make friends in an environment where nobody—including myself—really wanted to be there.

but i won’t start there.

firstly, i’m not sure if this is applicable to you, but do not mind any sense of “feeling behind.” it’s not like high school — absolutely nobody judges anybody of any age being in any level of a college class. in my upper level classes, i regularly had 35+ year olds either finishing their degree, returning for a second degree, etc etc, and that was just life. in college, absolutely nobody is working on the same time table and nobody will bat an eye at you saying “yeah, i decided to come back” or even if you just say “i took a few gap years and worked instead while i figured out what i wanted to do.” that is — if they even ask! most of the times, people don’t. you’re just going to be ella from class in their head. nick, this man from my writing class, was 36, and he was nick from writing class in my head all semester (until he read out some really misogynistic work he wrote that he praised as real literature and also rewrote the work of other students, then he was just nick the arrogant asshole.)

find your schedule. you unfortunately asked the loser for advice, so i’m going to address school first. i know that can definitely be a source of anxiety - either the desire to do it perfectly or just from the overwhelming sense of having an average of four or five class loads dropped onto your lap at once. i will say that the first thing i learned about college was that i had more free time than i ever conceptualized having. i also did not work a job. but even my friends who did — always had several hours of homework/tv/what have you time per night. the monday/wednesday, tuesday/thursday set up of each class is very helpful, i found! in between those class blocks — use it to eat and study. like, please. this might’ve just been what worked for me, but when i used the several 5-6 hours during daylight between clases + before dinner to exclusively work (i rarely even had working lunches), i was always able to have my work done before dinner and therefore take so much stress off my shoulders when i knew i’d have all night to unwind. doing that homework in general is just a great way to take off needless anxiety. it’s the only way i ever felt okay to walk into class unless i had something figured out with my professor.

other miscellaneous homework tips are to: (1) do the readings at first and keep doing them unless you get to class and realize they really don’t matter and won’t be showing up at any other point to bite you in the ass. most of the time, they do matter and are necessities for those who want As. (2) stay organized. find a rhythm. take notes by hand for better retention and use them to create study materials later (rewriting flash cards or rewriting quizlets were what helped me. rewriting in general.) (3) do not force yourself to stay up to an ungodly hour to study or do something (unless this really does work for you) because the chances are that your retention rate will be obliterated or the dip in quality will be noticeable. just get up early the next morning. (4) if you’re worried about missing out on socializing because you’re always holed up & working — offer to do homework with somebody else. my roommates and i would have “homework parties” where nobody talks/everybody has headphones in, but just being in the same vicinity was a motivator/a good way to not feel isolated. either that or just go sit at a library or in a cafe so you feel surrounded by people; the library was my personal go-to. i lived there my last semester on campus! #lawclasses

interact with your professors! it will only benefit you as a student. shoot them emails when you have questions or stay behind after class, introduce yourself, and ask your questions in person. going to office hours or basically doing anything to establish yourself beyond a name on a roll sheet and a vague figment at a desk is a great look in their eyes. it will make them friendlier, more likely to give you assistance or cool extra materials, or even much more sympathetic in times of need (like when you’re struggling with due dates or toward the end of the semester.) literally every professor will tell you their least fave student is the silent and absent one who shows up four days before the end and goes: please, mrs. so and so, can you turn my D- to an A :)? no! all my professors that i worked closely with, either through frequent communication or just through writing projects are the ones that live with me. my last writing professor and i got along so well that they invited me to work on their book with them. it never came to fruition because both of our schedules fell through, but just the idea of being asked was really special to me and it was only because i made the effort to make myself a real person in their eyes. sorry for all the personal anecdotes btw, it’s the only way i know how to relate.

GPA, at the end of the day, is not the end all be all. you do not need a 4.0. it’s a very good thing to have, but you don’t need it and you won’t be left out of future employment if you don’t have it. just do your best. a B in that really hard class is an A in a blow-off class. if you do all that you can do & take advantage of all of your study materials + do all the work, you’ve done the best you can as a student. the world will keep turning if you don’t get a perfect mark, and i like to think it turns smoother when you can reassure yourself you’ve done your best.

know when to take a break. burnout is real. it’s so real. my sister just experienced it so bad because she was working at her interior design coursework for like 14 hours a day, 7 days a week (she’s a perfectionist to a fault). don’t do that. don’t neglect copious amounts of sleep, or food, or hygiene routines, or social hours, or brain-numbing time because all of that is as useful and important as time devoted to studying. it’s the only way to guarantee that you will survive long enough to continue studying! just save a certain amount of time per day for yourself and your interests and your mind just for your mental health.

if attendance isn’t mandatory and your mental health needs it, it’s okay to skip a class here and there. it’s always best to do this strategically - when you know you won’t be missing anything or if you have access to whatever materials you missed, either through the class site or a friend — but sometimes those days off are the only way to recharge. i would sometimes skip my classes without mandatory attendance to just work in advance on those very classes. if you have a better way to devote your time (genuinely better) and won’t get knocked for it, it’s not the end of the world to miss the class. i didn’t embrace this until my very last semester on campus, always way too anxious to miss.

this is all that i can think of off the top of my head. please let me know if there’s something you’d like me to hone in on, but this kinda covered all the getting started bases!! i know you will do great and that you will find your niche and your schedule, but if you ever need me for anything, you know where to find me!! another thing that got me through college, perhaps the only thing that did so mostly happily, was tumblr!! it’s why i never felt lonely! 🩷

remember, life exists outside of academics! you are worth so much more than a letter grade or a number <3 what matters to employers is you got the degree!

[wolfiemcwolferson]

If you're still doing the prompts, 1 + 63 for Galex please?

Hi my darling anon,

You are the second to last one in my inbox. Look at me. On top of my stuff for once. (This is a lie.)

Historical AU/Everybody knows for my special bug and my special weirdo. Lavender Marriage.

.

George has had Alex in every way.

He's had him as his best friend and as his classmate and an enemy - when they were away at school and being silly.

He's had him as the person he lusted after and the person he thought he'd never have and finally, the person in his bed.

They're quiet about it, of course.

It's not that there are never whispers about men who love other men, but those whispers aren't about men of their social standing. Men of their social standing are normally married by now.

It helps that they live in the country for most of the year and that their estates are next to each other, but when they're in town...

When they're in town, George misses Alex fiercely.

Sure, he comes over for dinner and then when they retire to George's study for a drink, Alex pulls George down into his lap and kisses him until he is so desperate for Alex that he'll get him off while George is still in his pants.

But he never stays. He never stays to hold George while he sleeps.

It's been five years since their first kiss and it's not enough, but it's just enough and George is happy for their lives to continue just the way it is, and he thinks it might go that way until Lily.

.

George goes away to his country estate and Alex is meant to follow, but he writes and says he will be two weeks late and he'll have a guest and...

George panics.

He passes his days reading and walking the grounds and taking the horses out for exercise.

He's walking back up one day and he sees Alex's carriage pulling up and his heart soars, until Alex steps out and turns and sees him hold his hand out for a woman, stepping out after him.

George's feels the first sting of tears in his eyes and then Alex sees him and he starts to stride towards George on his long legs, reaching for him.

George is backing up. Alex looks like he's going to kiss him, and even though all the maids and cooks and hands at the country home both here and at Alex's know about them and keep it quiet, but...

"Alex," George puts his hand up. He's never been more confused or heart and Alex must see it because he stops a couple of paces away.

He hasn't seen Alex in weeks and George hates it. He looks fantastic and he wants to allow himself to be loved.

"Come and meet Lily," Alex sounds breathless. "And then we can talk about what happened in town."

George doesn't want to meet Lily and he doesn't want to know what happened in town.

Except she's there, sliding her hand into the crook of Alex's arm.

"You told me you wrote him." She chastises Alex, but she holds a hand out to George in greeting.

He knows what to do, of course. He steps up to her and takes it, but his eyes never leave Alex's face.

"I thought it might be better in person." Alex at least looks like he feels bad about it.

George hates the way she's touching him.

Lily and Alex exchange a gentle smile - like they have a joke no one else understands and George thinks he might faint.

Alex is his.

"So, the two of you -" Lily laughs, high and gentle - well-bred. "Have not been as discreet as you should have been. As in, everyone is talking about you, but -"

Alex squeezes her hand on his arm and then swings his head over to George, begging with his eyes to not bolt.

Everyone knows. Everyone knows. Everyone is talking about them.

"I'm the answer to all of your problems." Lily finishes and then she turns to George and smiles at him too.

George doesn't understand. People know? People know about them? And Alex - Alex brought a girl here and -

"I am to be Alex's wife." Lily says gently, before she untucks her hand from Alex's arm and then she comes over to George, standing toe to toe with him. "And hopefully, in time, you and I can be friends."

Alex steps up behind her, one hand on George's forearm. One hand on Lily's back. "George. We could have a normal life. Married men -"

Lily cuts him off. "What Alex means is that I despise town and I quite like horses and drawing and if we were to start spending more time at this estate..."

Alex leans over and kisses him on the corner of his mouth and George is so shocked he doesn't even respond.

"We can have a life here, George." Alex whispers.

"And I can be left alone." Lily laughs, "Now. Someone show me around."

George laughs when she takes his arm instead of Alex's, "I hope your estate is as impressive as Alex has to led me to believe. I have a very good friend, you see, and she too is in need of a husband who does not care what she does as long as he keeps our secrets."

"Our?" George hears himself ask.

Lily hums, dragging him towards the stables. "Like recognizes like, George."

.

George gets to keep Alex.

He gets to keep him in town and in the country and the only thing people say about the two couples after that is that they're all so fortunate to have such good friends.

[quoteablebooks]

1. Best Book - A Psalm for the Wild Built/Spinning Silver I technically read A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers for the first time last year so even though it is my favorite that I read this year, I feel like that’s cheating. Of the books that I read for the first time this year, my favorite novel was Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik 2. Best Sequel - A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers This didn’t touch me the same way that A Psalm for the Wild Built did, but I still loved everything about A Prayer for the Crown-Shy. While I have heard some criticism, which I understand, it is still a five star read that I see myself going back to again and again.  3. New Releases I Still Need to Read - Warrior Girl Unearthed - Angeline Boulley Firekeeper's Daughter was one of my favorite reads of last year and I am currently rereading it now. This follows Daunis’s twin cousins and set ten years after the events of Firekeeper’s Daughter. I cannot wait to see what characters Boulley makes me fall in love with next and how much I will learn from characters so unlike myself.  4. Most Anticipated Release For The Second Half Of The Year - Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao While Iron Widow is a rather decisive novel, I really loved it and the cliff hanger was the reason that I usually wait for series to finish before I stop them. I have already pre-ordered this novel and cannot wait to get my hands on it  5. Biggest Disappointment - Circe - Madeline Miller Circe was not a bad book by any means, but after all the hype I was expecting more from the story. I do plan to reread it in a couple years now that I have better expectations, I can see liking it a lot more.  6. Biggest Surprise - The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern I was excepting this novel to not live up to the hype because I had hardly heard a bad word against it, but it lived up to the praise in every way and I loved my time in this world. Again, I can see why it doesn’t fit for some people, but give me a red scarf and tell me where the circus is stopping next.  7. New Favorite Author - Becky Chambers While I read Chambers for the first time last year, reading a second novel from her solidified that I enjoy her optimism and writing. I bought like five other books from them in hopes of getting those good vibes again.  8. Newest Fictional Crush - Gus Everett - Beach Read by Emily Henry A broody writer who has a lake house? Sign me up! Aside from that, Gus felt like a real person and unfolded himself to January in a realistic way that just made me want to hug that man.  9. Newest Favorite Fictional Character - Celia Bowen - The Night Circus I just think we would get along really well as friends. Also, a friend with that type of magic is a good friend to have  10. Made Me Cry/Made Me Happy - The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy Megan Bannen/Beach Read - Emily Henry  The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy too me by surprise and I sobbed through the last third of that novel. It felt earned, but I wasn’t expecting it since so many people stated that it was a “cozy” fantasy and it did not feel cozy to me. 

Beach Read was just everything I wanted at the time I wanted it. January and Gus were complex and their chemistry was believable.  11. Most Beautiful Book - The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - V.E. Schwab While I read it digitally from the library, I got an illustrated anniversary edition for my shelves. I have a lot of other beautiful books, but I haven’t read them yet so they don’t count in my opinion,  12. Books I Still Need To Read This Year - Empire of Pain - Patrick Radden Keefe Empire of Pain is a rather large novel and as a non-fiction, that is rather intimidating. However, I’ve almost hit my reading goal for the year so I will be able to start this and take as much time as I need. 

How has your reading been going this year? What are your answers to this questions? Let me know!

[mental-health-monday]

On the subject of the culture of technology addiction…

(Skip to the green text for a list of coping mechanisms)

It’s not taken as seriously as it should be, because plenty of people view too much screen time — especially on one’s cell phone — as being an issue that plagues mostly adolescents. That is not entirely accurate. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 44% of American 18-49 year-olds are online “almost constantly.” (Source) And that’s just a study about spending time online; it doesn’t count the time we spend watching television, playing offline video games, or listening to the radio or music.

Even if you manage to control how much time you spend on your devices, you’re still experiencing second-hand screen time from somewhere. Have you ever turned your back on the television hanging from the ceiling in a restaurant, either because you didn’t like the programming, or you simply didn’t want to watch TV during dinner? How many times have you driven past billboards on the freeway, meant to catch your eye with vibrant, moving pictures of cannabis, fast food, and accident lawyers? How many babies waddle into your workplace with a tablet in their little hands, loudly playing YouTube Kids videos for everyone to hear? I remember when I was about four, being pushed around in a shopping cart shaped like a car that had a little screen in the “dashboard” that played exclusively VeggieTales. I never watched it; but the other little kids sitting at my level in the local Farmer Jack’s certainly did.

Sometimes I find I just can’t get away from technology. Television companies (in the US) used to play the national anthem before signing off for the night — no longer. Everything is awake all the time. Information and entertainment especially catered to YOU is at your fingertips 24/7. What a hell of a drug, eh?

Now, being someone who is CURRENTLY in the throes of a tech binge, rubbing red eyes with burst capillaries, and depressed from sleep deprivation… I am a hot, hot mess. If you’re desperate like me, maybe you’ve tried screen time apps to help manage your phone use. Well… this is about how well it’s been going for the five months I’ve had it:

[Text ID: Circular screen time counter with a daily limit of three hours reading four hours and fifty-nine minutes at 1:08 PM. End Text ID.]

After a month of actually trying, I learned to ignore the notifications telling me to get off my phone because it’s 11:00 PM. My brain no longer registers them, because I’ve rationalized (very irrationally) that there are no real consequences to ignoring the notifications. Like, what’s OffScreen gonna do; sue me?

So, if you need to be held accountable like me, you may find it helpful to announce on social media that you’re taking a tech break for a specific amount of time (say, a week) and turn your “let people know you’re online” indicator ON.

Also, if you’re worried about being bored during your tech break: here is a list of things you can do instead of going on your phone, watching TV, gaming, etc. (I should really follow my own advice):

[Coping mechanisms start here]

Draw the weirdest piece of furniture in your house as a cute anime girl

Pick out a giant book; get some treats (candy, special tea, whatever); you’re only allowed a treat if you’re reading; you’re only allowed to go online recreationally until after you’ve finished the book

Play mindlessly with fidget toys (or study the movement intensely and take detailed notes on it, as if you’re studying an animal species)

Compose a melody on an instrument (No composition experience required; hit notes and write down the combinations that sound good so you’ll remember them. Mess with chords.)

Find some old schoolwork from when you were in high school (if you have a pile lying around somewhere) and see if you can still do it as an adult

Write an ode to the object immediately to your left

Do some yoga poses

Walk in a nature preserve or park. Find a long log and walk on it. 10/10 very healing

Give your children and/or pets some attention. Stop ignoring them. Bastard. /hj

Feed squirrels walnuts and pecans

Put a bird feeder in your yard, get a chair, and watch the local birds go at it (research hummingbird feeders though; certain types are very bad for the hummingbirds)

Draw with sidewalk chalk on your cement

Play ping-pong with the wall

Shoot baskets

Climb a tree (be safe please)

Go to a playground after hours (or off-season), get a big stick, and start hitting the metal poles with the stick to see what kind of tones you can produce

Antique shop-hopping

Find an outdoor event in your area and support local artisans and buskers

Learn to play the kalimba, recorder, harmonica, spoons, jaw harp, or other inexpensive instrument; only go online after you’ve mastered one song (three songs, if you’re musically-apt)

Trace your hand on a piece of paper and zentangle it

Sing songs

Prune and water your plants

Do ten push-ups (or another quick physical activity you think you’re able to do)

Go outside and look for rocks on the ground

Go into that weird store you’ve always seen but never visited

Read a newspaper

Bust out that old digital camera from 1998 and start shooting things

Another bad habit I have is only waking up in the mornings after using my phone for a disgustingly long amount of time. I still need to find a workaround for that… I may try to get a loud alarm clock and a small box with a lock on it, put the alarm clock in the box before bed, lock it, and put the key on the opposite side of the room. So I’ll have to get up, find the key undo the lock in order to shut off the alarm. That way, I’ll be able to wake up without using my phone (hopefully). If I try it, I’ll let you all know how it goes!

[mardetragediasx]

Language Tragedies of a 10-year-old

The smell of Crayola crayons, the smell of a new book, the smell of wooden pencils and rubber eraser shavings, and the smell of my mother making caldo de pollo for dinner. These scents bring me a sense of comfort and nostalgia. My family of five lived in a cramped apartment with my dad working early mornings and my mother working late nights. My mother would leave our dinner ready so my little sister and I would eat before my uncle got home to watch over us until my dad arrived from work in the morning. 

I remember crying out of frustration one night because my second-grade homework wasn’t making any sense to me. My mother was running late for work and I really needed help with my assignment. She told me to keep trying because she knew I was a smart girl and not to give up with some tears. My tears would only damage the page I needed to hand in for class and it would make it difficult for me to write on. She handed me two dictionaries. One dictionary was so worn out that if it could recount stories of my mother and father using it to get around NYC as migrants, the pages would turn blank and disintegrate. The second dictionary was the New Edition: English to Spanish, the cover was still red and shiny and there were barely any signs of wear. She pointed to the sentence and asked me which word I had trouble understanding. I pointed to the word “elaborate”. My mom sighed, handed me the old dictionary, and told me, “Apurate a buscarlo antes de que me valla”. With tears and boogers running down my face, I started to skim through the “E” section of the dictionary. AHA! I found it. My mom found the word too and skimmed the translated section, “Elaborar”. She explained to me that I needed to explain what I was writing for my assignment. She caressed my head and apologized for not knowing any English. I don’t know if I cried more after she left that night for work but I was able to finish my homework. 

I had to learn how to be tough with my words. I had to learn “difficult” vocabulary because at a certain age I understood that my parents needed my tongue to get through this English world. So, I read books every day and night. My teacher told my dad that my reading level had reached level Z in fourth grade. She wondered what their parenting style was like because many students struggle to get past picture books but he didn’t know how to answer her, “Ella es inteligente. Le encanta leer”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my fictional books. I enjoyed them so much that I convinced my parents to get me the entire Series of Unfortunate Events book series from the Scholastic book fair. It was my comfort series because I related to the characters so much. 

Anyway, I remember one day after school, my mom needed to run some errands and she told me she needed my help renewing my insurance. I started to feel stressed because I knew the receptionist at the insurance office would get frustrated that my mom didn’t understand her. The receptionist would give up trying to pronounce Juana and name her “Johanna” instead. I knew I had to confront this receptionist sooner or later and so I braced myself to do so that day. 

We got to the insurance office and to my surprise, there was someone else at the reception desk. My mom was holding my hand with an intense grip that was starting to annoy me until the receptionist greeted my mom and me in Spanish. I felt her grip loosen up and I remember looking up at her and she was smiling with relief. We were ushered into the office packed with cubicles, people talking, and phones ringing. A lady walked up to us with glasses sitting on her head, clipboard in one hand, and a pen in the other, “Johanna?” she asked. She looked at my mom and then looked at me and asked my mom, “and this is…?” and my mom pointed at me and back at her. The lady rolled her eyes as she impatiently waited for a response, which I said, “I’m her daughter. I am going to translate my insurance documents for her”. She looked at me in confusion, put on her glasses, and lowered down to my height to tell me, “I don’t need you to tell me that. I need her to say that to me…in English”. I wanted to cry, curse her out, and yell “DO YOUR JOB AND GET HER A TRANSLATOR THEN!”. But I didn’t. I looked at my mom and told her, “Mami, no me va dejar ayudarte porque tienes que decirle en ingles la razon por que me trajiste”. She grabbed my hand, pulled me close to her, and said, “Vamonos”. We left and I remember seeing my mom enraged speaking with the receptionist. The receptionist apologized and offered to make a new appointment for us with a translator this time. My mom said the translators did not answer the last time she was there, so what difference would it make if we made an appointment. We left. Our neighbor told her about pop-up tables at the hospital that help people like nosotras with their insurance. We never went back to that office.

I still think about this moment from time to time. My tongue failed me that day.

I still think of the countless times my parents have apologized for not knowing English. The amount of “mija, disculpame”, “mija, tu puedes porque eres nacida aqui”, and “mija, te tenemos confianza”. 

I get upset recounting this memory.

[phoenixyfriend]

When Obi-Wan gets to AotC, there's also about two dozen Anakin clones on-site. They're all girls because... IDK Anakin is trans. They have a hive mind and are developmentally a few years younger than Anakin himself.

It's incredibly unsettling to Obi-Wan.

It's almost definitely a "fuck with Anakin's already fragile mental health" ploy by Palpatine, along with a "what if Jedi Black Widows, for me, a Sith Lord. Wouldn't that be neat? That would be neat."

Anakin is torn between "this freaks me out" and "GANG OF BABY SISTERS LET'S GOOOOOOO."

(I just finished reading Like Real People Do by glimmerglanger, so this is definitely inspired by that and the obligatory 'lay back in bed and daydream variations on plot points of that fic you just really enjoyed,' and also a little by Same Heart, Same Blood by loosingletters.)

They're physically like 14-16 on average, and Anakin's vibrating out of his skin with a million conflicting emotions, but when he tells Padme she's just like "oh, you have a handmaiden gang!"

I told this to @willowcrowned and she suggested:

Once Anakin decides to repress the part of him that’s weirded out and just regard them as baby sisters he gets. A little strange about it The first time one of them dies he may or may not slaughter every person he can [in response to Padme's comment] Anakin starts worrying that he needs to get them cool matching outfits

I also chatted about it with @firebirdeternal and they said:

Gang of Unsettling Smol Siblings is exactly the Karma that Anakin deserves

Do you think the Clones have a kind of Collective Name that they use at first that eventually just kind of morphs into a new last name? Skysisters or something? Like Palpatine was trying to be clever and name them like the Nightsisters.

I initially went with "functionally one person" hive-mind but I'm torn.

I think maybe they're BASICALLY one person on Kamino but drift into Separate Consciousness once they're far enough apart physically that their minds don't blend from proximity anymore.

Then they start Dating (like half of them are dating Fett clones because they grew up with these dudes, it's like childhood friends romance), and Anakin loses his mind about Protecting Them and They're Too Young.

Padme: You're nineteen and we just got married, they can date. Anakin: THEY'RE EIGHT. Padme: And the Fett clones are ten and dying for us in the field. Get them rights before you panic about their love lives.

Firebird:

it could be worse, one of them could imprint on Obi-Wan. "Anakin I promise I won't yell at you for the next five stupid things you do if you can figure out a way to stop this baby from having a crush on me" (I like the idea of Obi-wan bargaining not with "I won't be mad at you ever" because they Both Know That's Not True, and instead haggling with specific allowances. Like he's handing out Stupidity Coupons)

Please imagine Mace and Obi-Wan's personal responses to the idea of suddenly having to deal with not one, not two, but OVER TWENTY SKYWALKERS.

Plo is delighted to take one off their hands.

So is Yoda.

Willow:

Mace is like. okay suicide isn’t the Jedi way but on the other hand. i physically cannot deal with this Yoda: a skywalker, you say? one who is tall enough to reach the top shelf, you say? such a skywalker, bring me

Anakin would be given at least one because fuck you, suffer with us, but he's still a padawan so Ugh, fine, no.

I want to say one stays on Coruscant to hang out with the Guard, and ends up half-adopted by Padme. She keeps dressing up the Aniclone left with her in handmaiden outfits and sending selfies to Anakin.

"Hanging out with the little SiL!"

Anakin has so many issues about WHEN his genetic material was acquired.

And there's some confusion from the Fett clones about how much of a hive mind is normal for Jedi. They are confused that the answer is basically none, and "this is WHY nobody clones a Jedi"

ONE OF THEM STEALS BOBA FROM THE ARENA ON GEONOSIS.

Firebird:

"I have followed in our progenitor's footsteps and acquired a sibling." holds up a struggling Boba "He bites."

Willow:

Ooooo okay so if they have a sort of hive mind then they probably don’t have names other than their designations on Kamino right BUT When they SEPARATE The one that picks Boba up on Geonosis gets a name specifically for that. Okay what if the one Padmé picks up gets some variant on ‘pretty’ because she’s always being dressed up BELLE Maybe Yoda’s Ani has a name that means thief? Because obviously Yoda is using Anakin to steal sweets

So, to make the timeline work...

I don't think anyone would give Anakin one of his sisters until after he's knighted at least.

So obviously when they're doing initial placements none of the sisters go to him or Obi-Wan.

Once he's knighted, of course they're already all placed with someone, and Anakin instead gets Ahsoka. He loves Ahsoka. She is also a little sister. He said so.

At some point afterwards, one of the sisters is left without a place because the Master that was in charge of her died in the field battle.

That sister then gets placed with Obi-Wan, because he's already mostly-successfully raised one Skywalker, so he can do it again.

Anakin gets to hang out with her basically all the time.

Ahsoka is very very jealous of this girl stealing Anakin's attention.

Anakin is oblivious to the rivalry.

He asks Barriss to look after them while he's discussing Adult War Things with Luminara and Obi-Wan, and Barriss gets an eye into This Mess, which is quickly colored by Ahsoka growing a puppy crush on the lovely Miss Offee herself.

Firebird:

Ahsoka: Ah yes, my nemesis. Anisister: Ah yes, my new older sister whom I want to impress so bad.

"I will impress her by being Stoic and Competent" "Oh my god she must think she's so much better than me what a bitch"

Anakin is oblivious to most things to be fair Anakin: Laser focused precision fighting machine who can read the tiniest body movements and predict your moves seconds in advance, who also cannot understand even the most basic social nuance. I was originally writing this as to Dunk on Anakin but then I made myself sad, because none of those things are really his fault.

So you know that post about like, Sasuke and Brooding, specifically in the context of "Brooding" as it's used to refer to Nesting Chickens? Grouchy and protective and sitting on a tennis ball trying to hatch it because they're just. "These are my Babies." Anakin Broods. Baby sisters. Must protecc. "I'm actually fine and extremely deadly in combat." "MUST PROTECT."

Bad Guy: [catches Ahsoka in a Trap] Aniclone: Must rescue sister! Aniclone: [fights, is not winning fight, gets ouched] Ahsoka tearing her way out of Trap: I lived bitch. Also: stay the fuck away from her. [murders so hard]

Ahsoka catches the Protective Older Sib feels by the traditional method: "Hey, only I'm allowed to be mean to them."

Willow:

Oh Anakin has no clue what’s going on. He walks in on Ahsoka glaring at the Ani and is like!!! Little sisters!!! Bonding!!! When Ahsoka was about three seconds away from tossing her out of the airlock. Ahsoka mistakenly assumes that Barriss has a crush on the Ani, and gets even MORE jealous.

Obi-Wan is like oh god. I can’t take care of an Anakin going through puberty again. He’s great with periods and other stuff because he read about a billion books. He is TERRIBLE with everything else, as he was the first time.

Barriss is like???? YOU'RE BOTH CHILDREN, PLEASE CALM DOWN, I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN DATING ANYONE, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOUR AGE.

IDK how old Obi-Wan's Aniclone is, probably physically the same age as Ahsoka?

Per @atagotiak on discord:

Also something something, similarities btw Anakin and Obi-Wan where like. "Am I a parent? That seems uncomfortable, I'm too young to be a dad to a kid this age, I mean I'm cool with being a mentor/caretaker but..."

Obi-Wan can't even sidestep parenthood this time.

"Is Anakin basically your dad?" "Uhhhhhh" [Muffled discussion] "So Obi-Wan is your dad." "Okay!" "WAIT NO I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS"

Ahsoka: She's stealing my brother, that BITCH. Obi-Wan's Aniclone: new sister new sister new sister gotta make a good impression

Firebird:

I feel like the Sister Squad would make very effective interstellar espionage agents Even like, kind of by accident. They just get encouraged to branch out in their interests and figure out what they want to do with their lives and end up all over the dang place, and since they're all pretty dang competent they tend to gravitate towards Important Positions wherever they end up. Except for one sister who just retires to raise Space Sheep.

I like that in this AU Palpatine is just like "I will create an army of Loyal Murderers who will obey my every whim and also be a big psychological lever on my Other Pet Murderer," and then they all just Baby Duckling imprint on the first Jedi to be nice to them instead and he has to just be like "Wait no not like that."

AND one of them Steals Boba

I want Obi-Wan's Aniclone to start dating Fives. All the sisters judge her for it, because he's a Goof. A very competent, ARC Trooper goof! But a goof.

Not as goofy as Anakin, though.

Firebird:

Who expects a clone of Anakin Skywalker to not make questionable lifelong romantic choices impulsively?

[dreamcatcher92]

Coercion Chapter Five

So this is my second smut story that I have been working on. I am hoping you all enjoy!

It is a bit dark. Yes, Billy Russo is of course our main character aside from a girl named Cassidy. Who is completely made up and meant to be played by the reader. The other characters that are mentioned in this story are made up as well and not based on anyone in particular. I did this one differently than my first story, but I wanted to switch up my writing style a bit. So you may see more differences in other stories to come. Things that are bold and italicized are thoughts.

Now for some warnings for the entire story but necessarily in the current chapter you read: dark Billy for sure, non-con, dub-con, kidnapping, NSFW, 18+, smut, sex, rape, attempted rape, physical violence, abusive behavior, language. I think that covers it, but sorry if I missed something.

Read at your own risk.

A bead of sweat dripped into the dirty dishwater from Cassidy’s brow. She has been working hard on her chores all morning while Billy was in his office working online and getting things squared away for the upcoming company party. Once she finished, she went to Billy’s office door and knocked lightly.

“Come in!” Billy called out.

Cassidy slowly opened the door and stepped inside, “I’m finished with my chores Billy.” She kept her eyes to the floor.

Billy looked at her intently as he leaned back in his office chair. He sat silently staring at her for a few moments, then stood and walked over to stand directly in front of Cassidy, never once taking his dark eyes off her. Her heartbeat began to speed up a bit the closer he got and when he came to a halt in front of her, she felt like she was going to pass out from how fast her heart was racing. Stay calm Cass. Stay. Calm.

Billy gently lifted her chin so that now they were looking into each other's eyes, “Show me.”

Cassidy gulped and nodded. Billy guided her back into the kitchen where she showed him the hard work that she put in cleaning up the dishes, cleaning the counters, and mopping the floor. After Cassidy finished explaining everything that she had done to Billy, she stopped and turned to look at him. He stood with his long, strong arms crossed and was leaning against the entryway wall. He smiled.

“Looks good.” He said, now slowly making his way over to Cassidy.

“Thank you Billy.” She said in a soft and timid tone.

Now inches away from her, he reaches out with one hand and brushes some of her hair behind her ear, “I think it’s time we go back into the city for a little while. What do you think?”

“R-really?” 

“Are you going to obey me and be a good girl?”

Cassidy straightened up and was getting more excited, “Yes! I promise Billy!”

Billy chuckled and placed his hands on her shoulders, “Alright, let’s go pack then.”

Once in the bedroom, Billy handed Cassidy a duffle bag and told her to pack some clothes and personal items to take with them to the city. He told her that they would only be there for about a week and not to overpack. She grabbed a few of her new outfits that Billy ordered for her and went into the bathroom to pack some toiletries. 

When she turned around from grabbing her toothbrush, Billy was right behind her. She gasped from being startled. She didn’t hear him walk in. He smiled because he found it comical that he scared her.

He grabbed the bag from her hand and put it on the bathroom floor, “Take off your clothes.”

Cassidy’s insides began to feel like jello from nerves, “B-but I’m not finished packing.”

He stepped closer and leaned down to her face, “I said, take off your clothes.”

She began to shudder. Was this the moment that she has been so terrified of? Was he going to force himself on her? Would he hurt her? Her mind raced with horrible thoughts, but she did as she was told because she was too panicked to find out what would happen if she didn’t.

“Y-yes Billy.” she said shakily as she began to pull up her shirt.

After completely undressing, Cassidy looked up at Billy with tears in her eyes. She sniffled and waited for Billy to tell her what to do next.

“Why are you crying?” Billy asked calmly as he gently caressed her arms.

“I’m sorry Billy, I’m just really nervous.” Cassidy said anxiously. 

“Nervous because of a shower?” 

Her heart skipped, “A sh-shower?”

“Yes, silly.” He said as he took off his clothes.

After taking off all of his clothes, Billy walked over and started the shower. Cassidy was still in shock and quite nervous because she has yet to shower with Billy. Billy motioned for her to get into the shower, then he followed. 

The shower had two shower heads and had plenty of room inside for both of them. Billy grabbed the shampoo and squirted some into his palm. He turned her around and began washing Cassidy’s hair. 

She didn’t really know what to do or think. As she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, her mind kept racing with thoughts. She wiped the water from her eyes and looked at Billy. His perfect body and dark hair getting soaked by the hot steaming water. She couldn’t stop staring. Billy noticed her watching him wash himself and smiled. 

“So what did you think was going to happen Cass?” He said knowing exactly what she was thinking.

Cassidy broke from her trance and locked eyes with Billy, “I uh, well I…”

Billy inched towards her, “Did you think I’d do something?

She opened her mouth, but couldn’t speak.

“Maybe I’d do something like this?” Billy said as he spun her around to now have her back up against his chest.

“I…”

“Or maybe this?” he said, now caressing her breasts with his large hands.

She began to breathe heavier and her eyes were shut, “I…”

“You've been such a good girl for me. Good girls should get rewarded, don’t ya think?” His right hand is now trailing past her chest and down her stomach.

Her head is laying on his chest and she lets out a small whine, “Yes Billy.”

She has never been touched like this before and she had no idea what to do. She was just letting him do whatever he wanted to her because right now, she was feeling so good. She could feel her pussy tingling the closer his hand got.

When his middle finger reached her clit, he pressed down, and Cassidy let out a moan. Billy smiled and continued to draw circles on her swollen clit and pinched her nipple with the other hand. Cassidy was unsure exactly what she was feeling, but the faster he got, the more she moaned and whined in pure ecstasy. 

“Billy!”

“That’s it baby. Just relax.”

She grabbed onto Billy’s strong arms and he plunged a finger inside of her wet entrance. She screamed out. He pulled his finger in and out of her faster and faster until she let go and her pussy tightened around him. 

“Billy!” she screamed. 

“There’s my girl.” he said into her ear as he let her ride out the intense orgasm. 

She came hard and her body collapsed. Billy pulled out his finger and picked her up into his arms. He turned the water off and carried her to the bed. He didn’t care how wet they were. He laid her down in the bed and climbed in behind her.

“Sleep now sweetheart. We have a long day tomorrow.”