#reading the poem maybe a commentary idk

[queenlucythevaliant]

If I weren't so familiar with "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," I think I would be able to appreciate "The Albatross" off the new album a whole lot more. Like, "peace" is a top three song for me off folklore and I just love the conversation those two songs are having, the storytelling choice to use third person, some of the instrumentation. But she does the least interesting possible thing with the allusion.

It's super clear that Taylor hasn't actually read the Rime and is just going off the general cultural idea of what the albatross is supposed to represent. Given that the allusion is basically the entire premise of the song, this is really disappointing. Especially on an album called "The Tortured Poets Department."

[draculeo]

well if you really want to know how people perceive you ill be overly detailed and annoying. im 17 so idk if that impacts anything lol. i found your blog in the beginnings of covid in 2020 and ur like one of the 4 blogs i regularly check as im not really a tumblrina. at first i followed you for your analyses of percy jackson as well as commentary as this was the time when rick riordan published those whack ass blog posts. youve greatly influenced my critical thinking process since, not to give you all the credit, but i used to be so robotic and basic in analyzing things whether it be media or situations. you know how most high school english classes suck because people will tie everything back to muh society but fail to dive into specifics in a tailored and nuanced way? yeah. i appreciate how you tie in the whole of things when discussing, for example, a book or movie, rather than just going with the common interpretation. you also just think differently, i dont know how to describe it without sounding like beyonce lmao but i think its really evident especially in your college essays that youve posted on here that youre just on a different plane than the rest of us plebians lmao. in a good way. i think that you really do embrace kindness, and instead of falsely saying you have only love in your heart, you acknowledge that theres more than a black and white love and hate within people, and that it requires active work to be kind to others. i think thats pretty rare within the vast majority of optimists. or maybe im just a pessimist. besides all of that, youre genuinely gorgeous and hilarious to the point of it being contagious, and your sense of humor is infectious. finally i have to say your poetry completely shattered me and rebuilt me. and im saying this as someone whos decently well read and subscribes to the poem in your inbox a day thing lmao. i remember your poems so clearly. about being a horror, your grandfather, homes and chests, a rose by any other name, your mother, etc etc. you have a fucking gift to the point where it confuses me that i just happened to find you off of scrolling through the pjo tag. anyways sorry for the painfully long ask, but i genuinely love reading your thoughts every few days on here. you need to flaunt the yale trap card more often btw

I AM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS YOURE TRULY EVERYTHING TO ME. THANK YOU FOR WITNESSING ME

[wigglebox]

i don’t know where to start with the poetry book because i got so much to say, but then my head holds me back because i remember this is a person that i’ve watched on my TV for years and years at this point, but then i remember that he put these out there on his own, chose which ones he wanted, laid them out how he wanted — 

yes i am one of those who thinks MIW is about jackles and is a cockles flavored poem no i won’t be taking criticism. i know some people before the book came out theorized it was darius but it makes no sense because darius comes right before that MIW poem and his poem is titled and you know it’s clearly about him. this is anbiguous. 

i also think a couple others are cockles flavored, particularly ‘these hours’. no i won’t take commentary [unless you happen to find him posting this poem a long long time ago like some of them] and mother of learning. again, no i won’t take criticism. 

eugenia to me broke my heart because it just felt like someone trying to prune and manicure and perfect their lives and themselves even though they knew it didn’t want to be like how they [the person] wanted it to be. let the tree grow. 

taxi also broke my heart. in the amazon preview it was originally called something else and it really reflects on the meaning of the poem at least for me. all the ones that indicate the relationship with his mother are heartbreaking but i hope he’s in a better place with her now. 

the whole book to me felt like someone who placed blame on themselves for things, but also showing us and indicating circumstances that would have influenced him throughout his life to become the person he is. the fly is really telling, and just makes me wanna hug the guy. he keeps his mouth shut when maybe he should say something. is also a people pleaser. 

i, assassin mentioning the fleas, @you-cant-spell-subtext-without reminded me of with mollins’ recent video talking about fleas growing up in subsidized housing — very much made me want to hug the guy. 

a five point eight is another poem that to me read as resentment. it had possessive language [like some others in this book]. no one said he was a perfect person. but it’s like, the house i built, the dress i bought. 

beets is another poem that my friends and i have wondered truly what it was about, but have specced a few things. i’m going to keep super detailed spec about their marriage off main for now because now it feels like im becoming a nosy busy body — however i will say reading this, reading vicki’s book, and just kind of looking back on stories, it feels like at least his needs just weren’t being met. and indeed hers as well. well — i mean clearly because they are separated. but idk. she said in the acknowledgements at the end of her book that it wasn’t his cup of tea but he supported her. and that he had this ability to love her without smothering her. and all i can figure between these two books is that his need to people please, prioritizing her happiness and comfort, caused him to ignore his own. again i’m not going to go into it, because while all the puzzle peices are there, it’s still someone’s life. 

going back to cockles again, i don’t think the poems that were at least initially shared on social media around the time of the uk con were about vicki because especially ones like mother of learning and indeed these hours, those walk up to the line of intimate, and i feel like at some point there’s some strangeness sharing poems like that on social media about your estranged wife. like it’s one thing to just include poems, some old, some new, in a book — but it’s another thing to put them on social media with no captions. but that’s tinhatty and i understand that. 

i’m very much not looking at this book at just some random poet dude who i never heard of before. my brain can’t do it. @ozonecologne in their review mentioned the lack of linear formatting makes it still seem private. i like looking at it like that. it’s autobiographical, it’s not bogged down in flowery language that makes me lose focus, but it’s also spanning 20 years and only a few of them do you get a time stamp. 

going back to MIW, it’s another poem with a time stamp, just not with numbers. new friend, new car, burning CDs. that can usually place someone in the mid-late 2000s before 2010 in my opinion. and with the amount of camping references those two have made, i’m not going to really entertain it being about anyone else. i know it’s THE poem that a lot of people are focusing on, and indeed i did too for a while i think in order to escape some of the other emotions this book gave me. this poem was cute, it described an event that was meaningful for him, and it’s specifically about a person. it’s in the ‘my people and other people’ section. it’s not just about the event but about the person. he mentions a first kiss or the attempt of a first kiss but that’s not seemingly in the book, or at least in this poem. that one, that attempt or successful attempt, wasn’t described in full. that wasn’t the meaningful event with this person — this camping trip was. 

and then this 

at first reading it my initial thought was ‘oh was this when he was younger and this was like a realization moment for him’ but then remembered the soft timetamps of new friend, new car, and burning CDs. it may not be cockles flavored this just may be some other random dude. but alas. i want to believe.

and to round this out, in the poem in passing, the whole ‘don’t be lonely, be HAPPY’ line really hit me and i hope he’s getting closer to that, or is that already. 

there are many others i want to expand on like lake of life, way finding, june second, and a few others — but alas it’s 7 a.m. and i only have so many braincells. 

i love this book, this book makes me said, this book makes me hopeful, this book took me to Costco to buy tin foil— and i’m very proud of him for putting this out there. this is an autobiography and pushing past my desire to maybe not know this much about someone i view as untouchable, it’s incredibly amazing he shared what he did and it felt like he’s entrusting us with something i can’t quite place my finger on. but i thank him for it. 

[straighttohellbuddy]

i am yELLING SO LOUDLY. THAT POEM JESUS. if that isn’t their relationship then idk what it 😭 also tommy just bein best little brother who Does Not Like Mark but still respects his sister enough to not voice them around her and the dynamic with tubbo being like little brother and i’m gonna cry with the next parts i can feel it in my bones. you are a delight -🐈‍⬛

tommy in this fic deadset makes me teary ,, he's just SO FRIEND SHAPED, he loves the reader so much but also is SO AGRESSIVELY A LITTLE BROTHER. reader becoming friends with tubbo out of spite? YES GOOD!! like i have so many directors commentary notes for this fic, some of which would be a spoiler, but the reader doesn't have a lot of close friends of their own (for not great, Mark is a manipulative fuck reasons) so she's always really enthusiastic about Tommy's friends, and if he treasures them, so will she. ...

i have so many directors commentary notes, things that are implied in the fic but i don't know if people will pick up on the implication/nuance but i've put a lot of thought in... :)

also this is mentioned in part 3, but this is one of my favourite moments;

“Will you read me the one I like?” Tommy asks as you’re settling back in your own chair.

“Which one?”

“The Tiger,” Tommy’s grin is loud and clear in his voice, and you laugh brightly, indulging him.

which is a little childish maybe, but it's also one of my favourite poems so who cares

[hazelcephalopod]

The Great Hunt Ch 7-8

Basically, everyone is having a bad time. And people are assholes! Also so many emotions about so much lore.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show thus far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first and second book and all of season 1 under the cut. Potential spoilers for later books -idk if they’re light spoilers or not.

Ch 7: Blood Calls Blood

The wot symbol

POV Moiraine

K.

So mat once again has received the treatment and needs the cure

Months? That’s not a good prognosis.

He is having shit luck tbh

A magic virus of sorts then

Or they simply have different priorities

See? She’s working the problem too just a different approach

Yes send the dumbass to fix his problem

Monologue via grossly written poetry -and the poetry is good, the ink was vile

We got- Daughter of the Night, likely Lanfear, looking for servants and to continue the battle for the Shadow. A male channeler, who will sacrifice friends, and has a choice between death (sorta), and everlasting life -light and shadow. Maybe Rand?

I have no idea. “Luc came to the Mountains of Dhoom. / Isam waited in the high passes. / The hunt is now begun. The Shadows hounds now course, and kill. / One did live, and one did die, but both are. / The Time if Change has come.” -Tgh. Maybe the end of the age?

Well that’s a weird thing to remember. Really? Some ancient gossip is what survived and not like her real name or power? Just ‘[Lanfear] and LTT used to you know…’ k.

… well I’m surprised and elated so much of this poem/maybe prophecy is being explained

So Luc is basically the disappeared prince of Andor. Tigraines brother.

Isam is Lan’s cousin? Something like that?

Ok well so. Luc went to the Mnts of Dhoom and that’s were he disappeared. Isam probably also near there. One of them is dead, the other is not.

The boat people have arrived. And apparently have been awaited by some

More old tongue- Do Miere A’vron: Watchers Over the Waves. Those who wait for the armies of Hawkwing’s sons to return

Artur Hawkwing aka Hammer of the Light

Some of the Aes Sedai for sure know Moiriane and Siuan are still friendly. Like. Come now

… they just don’t care

Sea Folk refuse to cross the Aryth ocean. But clearly have. They say “…the Islands of the Dead lie on the other side.” & “lands under the Shadow, beyond the setting sun, beyond the Aryth Ocean, where the Armies of Night reign” ok. Well there’s a place where the Dark One has taken over everything other directly or indirectly then. To the west across the ocean. Done. Solved

Well maybe they found a lot that was hard to deal with and prevented their return. Or their ships sank but many of the forces survived. Boats are hard to build.

Almoth was a fucking kingdom? And they might have had a branch of Avendesora (have I been spelling that wrong? Is fine)

Black for the earth isn’t one I’ve heard before

Of course they do. These people really like trees. Which I approve greatly of

I was right! Time of change= end of age

Great Lord is either the Dragon or the Dark One. Or kinda both.

Verin is being nothing but helpful rn. Don’t be mad you don’t like the options. But at least you have the sense to send her away before you start being an ass

Lol. Verin put that together well. ‘So wanna tell me what you’re plotting? Seems cool.’

“No one has ever recorded the progression in a man who wields the Power. When does the madness come, exactly, and how does it take him?

How quickly does it grow? Can he still function with his body rotting around him? For how long?“ -Verin having noticed that Moiriane and Siuan are plottting together and also that one of the boys can probably channel. Also… describing the taint which just seems much worse the more that is revealed about it. That’s just fucking awful sounding. Rotting? The fuck is that about?

… she’s also correctly guessed he’s the Dragon Reborn. So uh, don’t discount the Brown Ajah huh? Surprise /s

… I guess they could stab her with a knife. They just cannot use the power to like actually hurt her.

G’job Verin!

… also like is said pretty sure other sisters know they just don’t care

POV change! Perrin!

He cares!

… plz no

Also Leane saying she should have chosen Green but I just can’t write all that out. Sry

Let people visit their sick friends? What?

Hey stop fucking lying so much everyone.

Consent!

No she’s being rude

POV change! Rand

Oh insomnia I know it well

Oh you woolheaded children

Oh not a fan of that personality type. Might be a me issue

K. I think she was flirting with you. Which. K

Yes! Confiding in your friends!

Uhg. I want him to tell Perrin but he shouldn’t do it in the city! Ahh! No!

Oh well you’re nightmare is finally here. The Amyrlin has called for him

“You should have done that last night.” -Lan to Rand when he protests about about going to the Amyrlin b/c he was leaving. Yup

Well he got a silk shirt out of it. Focusing on the positives.

“Tangled, long-thorned briars climbed each red sleeve in a thick, gold-embroidered line, and ran around each cuff.” -the coat Lan suggests to Rand to see the Amyrlin

Not going there. That rage isn’t worth it

That would be great tho

“The Wheel weaves us all into the Pattern as it wills You have less freedom about it than most, but by the Light, you can still face it on your feet.” -Lan to Rand

Uhg eye contact.

“Lan kept a running flow of instructions while Rand shrugged into the red coat and buckled on his sword.” -Tgh. Ok weirdly this, specifically latter part, I really want to see on a screen more than anything else so far

Ritual greetings! They are intricate. /I am not sure that works entirely here but I could not resist/

“… can fly to the moon like Lenn.” -Lan. What now?

Oh he’s proud is his son! “…[Lan] produced a long length of wide, fringed golden cord and tied it around Rand’s left arm in a complicated knot. On the knot he fastened a red-enameled pin, an eagle with its wings spread.” He had it made for him! He loves him.

“Caldazar. The Red Eagle of Menetheren.”

“With a cold knot in the pit of his belly, Rand followed the Warder into the hall.”

Ch 8: The Dragon Reborn

The Dragon’s Fang

POV Rand

Yup. The dread

Ingtar!

“‘Tai’shar Malkier! Tai’shar Manetheren!’ True blood of Malkier. True blood of Manetheren.” -Kajin -no i don’t remember who that is- upon seeing Lan and Rand

No. You could not. Kiddo… buddy…

Don’t like that. Excellent description tho

“Better you don’t let any Greens see this one, or one of them will bond him before he can breathe.” -Leane upon seeing Rand. And then… k

… I’m just gonna leave it. Its fine. Ish

“The world grows stranger every day. I suppose the blacksmith will wear a crown and speak in High Chant.” -Leane alluding to Perrin.

Poor kid

…sure. Sure he is. At least it’s trying to be comforting.

“Three Aes Sedai. How many does it take to gentle a man? They sent a dozen or more after Logain. Would Moiraine do that to me?” -(Rand) thinking to himself. Not having a good time

Oh Gaidin = Warder. Neat

Wait. Siuan has a Warder? Alric. Cool

Wait what? I’d also like to know. Apparently, according to Moiraine and her unknown sources, Tam left the Two Rivers when he was young. Joined the army of Illian. Served in several wars, Whitecloak War, two with Tear, and the Aiel War. He became a blademaster and 2nd Capt of the Companions. Married a woman from Caemlyn. And the rest is history.

You are.

Yes! Protect you stuff!

Verin thank you for doing that over there

Oh. Well that’s two choices being offered at least. Usually, it’s none.

Choice a) stay in Fal Dara b) Go with Ingtar, Mat, and probably Perrin to hunt down the horn, the dagger, and the Darkfriend.

… I mean when has Rand ever been able to abandon Mat?

I really believe at his heart Rand is indeed a man of action. As in no thoughts just do. Like yes he thinks much and is an anxious mess but also, truly he just does choices

Get ready for a long quote (Editors note get ready for a series of long quotes. So much lore! So many character-ing)

“Well, that’s wise of you. And foolish, too. Some can be taught to channel; most cannot. A few, though, have the seed in them at birth. Sooner or later, they wield the One Power wether they want to or not… You can’t help it. And you had better *learn* to channel, learn to control it, or you will not live long enough to go mad. The One Power kills those who cannot control its flow.” -Siuan on Rand’s assertion that he can but will not channel again

Good question sry the answer sucks.

Verin I’m not sure that’s the point but id love to get into how that changes the metaphor. I love her. Plz do not take Autistic Granny Sedai for at least a long time -I’m not here to debate that btw, I’m autistic, I’m taking this

(Editors note- those quotes really start up here)

“The Amyrlin Seat looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘Because you are the Dragon Reborn.’” -tgh

Tam really good parent tbh

… he did tell him that in a fever dream right? Thom?

“…tell him a story. A *true* story…” -Siuan.

Lore drop! (It’s here!)

“Nearly twenty years ago the Aiel crossed the Spine of the World, the Dragonwall… and fought all the way to Tar Valon… The final battle, the last that counted, was fought outside the Shining Walls, in the shadow of Dragonmount. In three days and three nights of fighting, the Aiel…turned back, for they had done what they came to do, which was kill King Laman of Cairhien, for his sin against the Tree. It is then my story begins. And yours.” Cont. “I was one of the Accepted then, as was [Siuan]. We were soon to be raised to sisterhood and that night we stood attendance on the then Amyrlin. [only] Her Keeper of the Chronicles, Gitara Moroso, was there.” Cont. “The Karaethon Cycle, the Prophecies of the Dragon, says the Dragons will be reborn on the slopes of Dragonmount, where he died during the Breaking of the World. Gitara Sedai had the foretelling sometimes.” & a morning of -or near after- the battle with the Aiel “…[Gitara] trembling, her face as if she had looked into the Pit of Doom at Shayol Ghul, and she cried out, ‘He is born again! I feel him! The Dragon takes his first breath on the slope of Dragonmount! He is coming! He is coming! Light help us! Light help the world! He lies in the snow and cries like the thunder! He burns like the sun!’ And she fell forward into my arms, dead.” & “And so we knew the Dragon was Reborn. The Amyrlin swore us to secrecy, we two, for she knew not all the sisters would see the Rebirth as it must be seen. She set us searching… we found a story, that one man had found an infant on the mountain… we searched, finding other clues, poring over Prophecies. ‘He will be of the ancient blood, and raised by the old blood.’.. Did you think the Trollocs came after you just because you are ta’veren? You are the Dragon Reborn.” -Moiraine to Rand.

Meanwhile! “*They came over the Dragonwall like a flood. All the way to the Shining Walls.* Rand waited for the memories to fade but it was Tam’s voice he heard…” & (Moiriane described the battle outside the city more) “*Battles are always hot, even in the snow. Had to get away from the stink of death.* Tam’s delirious voice clawed at the empty calm inside Rand.” & “*Slope of the mountain. Heard a baby cry. Gave birth there alone, before she died. Cold blue with the cold.* Rand tried to force Tam’s voice away. The void grew smaller. ‘A fever-dream,’ he gasped. *I couldn’t leave a child.* ‘I was born in the Two Rivers.’ *Always knew you wanted children Kari… Yes, lass. Rand is a good name. ‘I—am—Rand—al’Thor!’ His legs trembled.” & “Rand’s knees gave way… The void was gone, the stillness shattered.” -Rand’s thoughts and rxn to this story.

K but again maybe… not the answer he needs right now? ‘You’re a tool with a purpose and that’s good actually! Why are you crying?’ This kid is having a breakdown ladies! Act like humans! I know you can!

Blank is better than revulsion. It’s the bare minimum but I give them that

“‘I will not be used,’ he told them. There was a long silence as he turned and left.” -(Rand) Tgh

POV change!

“The silence stretched on in the room after Rand left…”

A) probably shouldn’t be comfortable with that no. B) some version of it yea. C) true; good but it’s unavoidable at this point.

“The silence returned.” -Tgh

POV change! Nynaeve

Huh. Nynaeve is probably having trouble listening to the wind. But also feels like a storm is and isn’t coming. That Is indeed weird

He would be

Not what he said

Well… I mean, he just gave you his king ring. And swore to always come when called. So that’s big.

Gotta say he has a way with words. Mashiara? Beloved of heart and soul?

Like… these fools just fell hard and fast. One side just thinks he’s not enough. (Editors note he may have just proposed)

Yea I honestly don’t think she’s any good at giving words of encouragement

“If your own use of the Power is not schooled, you will never be able to use it against me.” -Moiraine to Nynaeve. That’s a goading if Ive ever seen one

I mean respect. Moiriane plays but she does not play

Nynaeve did fall for the goading. What’re you gonna do?

POV change! Egwene

More morningstars. In Egwenes room and now on her dress

Nice that she was gifted all these clothes. Gifted. What a thought!

Hun, you likely won’t be home for a while

Nynaeve has loversknots on her dress.

Ah a step towards acceptance Nynaeve. On a long, long road

K

Maybe just go get his friend and stop playing ridiculous games? Ffs

You invited him in with the sword Egwene! And then Trollocs attacked so…

… I know she’s just trying to fit in. And these people have their rights too but still

Well that was all a bit sad.

Next!

Nice to see Egwene. Glad she’s ok.

Rand isn’t. Or Nynaeve.

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

[chanyoungies]

ohhhh yeah, i get it. i only rewatch like,,,, two/three perfs from kingdom with one being on repeat just bc there's no studio version and i like the song but !!! the rest is kinda,,,, alright but not something i rlly need to watch :// but what are your favourite performances from both show btw !!! i didn't even ask :o also,,,, a strawberry, i love it <3

im sorry for always replying so late skdjjkjbkdsnjs BUT hm faves... (this ended up being ridiculously long for some reason so im putting it under a read more)

for rtk: heroine, reveal (catching fire), be mine, it's raining, the we must love, quasi una fantasia, photo!!!!! also tbz and i think? onf's intro perfs!!! maybe golchas too? it was either onf or golcha or both honestly i can't remember but i remember there being smth i rlly liked in there!! i really liked come back home & basquiat & new world but more as songs than . the perfs (or ok i liked the perfs in the mvs more than on the show). lit perf gets bonus points for having rapper seoho. i literally listen to this version more than the original song because of that verse. it makes me go a bit insane. it's ranked like 2 or 3 songs higher than the original version in my oneus song ranking i think. yeah.

heroine makes me cry to this day i really genuinely love it so much it's insane. like. everything about it. like if u wanted my commentary i would just pause literally every 2 seconds to point out smth i like or just to cry about it all? ALSO CHANGMIN'S SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sighs ok moving on, reveal is iconic it doesn't need an explanation i think. i think we all get it. i was rewatching it recently nd i noticed that literally every time i see the moment when hyunjae runs up to the . things they lift whatever. if i'm watching the show cut w the others' reactions i literally have this a bit insane hehehhehehehe laugh like. am i ok. like hehehehe ure not ready for this (and neither am i). also i literally can't listen to the original version of reveal since this came out and i wish i was kidding but i'm really not like i literally just listen to this one. be mine is just beautiful to look at also romeo youngjo that's all thank u. also seoho during the last chorus (i think? im literally doing this from memory im sorrykdsfk) ..... yeah ... idk it's really nice and i think choosing romeo & juliet as the concept for this song was a great idea (nd i literally don't know how u come up with that. but it's so great). i like the storytelling in this one i rlly do <3 it's raining is the queen of performances no one does it like them!!!!!!!! like i genuinely thought i wouldn't be that attached to this perf when i first saw it? like funnily enough i was just like yea it's nice but whatever. but then it would randomly play in my head and i just couldn't stop it? and then i became obsessed. it's so fun...it's a little festival...also they literally made it's raining their song it's so. god it's so good. i'm going to lose my mind if i keep going. as for we must love well 1) [at the time it was] my fave onf title track? and the concept they chose for the performance just was like .... they literally did it for me it's so insanely just .. exactly what i would have wanted it's everything i love ?? ... it's so . i still kinda can't believe that performance exists like . i forgot to mention it at first because i keep forgetting about it because like . it can't be real???

for kingdom: love poem, i'll be your man, back door, move. i also remember being rlly excited for o sole mio (the red wedding) but i genuinely can't remember if i ended up liking it or not?

love poem is absolutely legendary i'm not gonna write a whole essay abt that, i'll be your man gave me everything i wanted (fave btob song, skz beloveds, those outfits were rlly pretty, blue hair jisung again!!!!!!!!!! nd neck tattoo..), and btob are so powerful that they made me appreciate back door how did they do that. i dont like back door. how did they do that. what did they do. how. and finally sf9 doing move was . . . everything i think we all get it i dont think anyone would dare to disagree

[septemberlikestea]

(1/3) About the fanfic commentary post you reblogged, may I suggest: 'Maybe he's allowed to want a different end.' I don't know if you'll have anything to comment about it but I'm taking this opportunity to just rant about this line because aaaaaaah MY GOD. This line is now engraved in my brain. It has flipped my perspective on the DLC's 2 routes. I used to think of Brumm’s route as an added perspective on the Ritual, more lore and food for thought.

:^) i am always happy to make people sad about these two :^)

i’m glad i could... shed some light on how i view the whole deal with ritual vs banishment? brumm’s deepnest monologue, the grimmkin master and nightmare’s poems and grimm himself all point to the fact that the ritual has one ending. it repeats itself. in the howling cliffs, brumm says ‘this once, i would see the ritual fail’, so either someone going out of their way to stop the ritual from being completed is really, really rare, or maybe brumm is the first person to ever do it. which would be fucked up! it’d be really fucked up!!! he cares about grimm so much!!!!!!!!!

you see, i am very weak for characters challenging fate because they love someone so much that they do things that are just... almost impossible?? and then succeeding??? because their love is just that strong???? against all odds..... aa. aaaaaa. AAAAAAA. 

you see..... it’s like......... brumm tries to write a new ending for grimm............. just like.......... in music.......... there’s this term........... called volta........ and it’s used with a reprise......... so after repeating the whole song or a part of it.................. instead of playing the prima volta aka the first ending.......... you......... play the seconda volta............ and it’s a different ending of that part.............................. or something like that, idk, i dropped out of music school................................... yea............................................................

anyway. i appreciate that you enjoyed that line :) i think furthest reaches was just me grabbing words and turning them into arrows and then aiming at people with them.

.......i sure hope people won’t mind me stroking my own ego! i’ll be real, i’m kind of tempted to copy and paste the whole fic here. but i’ll just leave a link because... what if... someone who hasn’t read it sees this. i’m allowed.

It wouldn't surprise him if he no longer counts as a bug, he doesn't often think of himself as such.

A nightmarish version of what he once was, a scared child's desire to not be harmed again.

He doesn't regret it. Whether others say that his form is a kind of deception, it is him. He is himself, just as he was centuries ago.

(At least, he hopes so.)

a person in the comments said that brumm is a once-mortal and that’s. a really good way to put it! 

The freedom the Heart grants to the master of the troupe is merely a reflection of how little it cares, how little it is capable of caring for anything besides its survival, masked as a gift. This conversation they've had many times, too many times, and they never came to a conclusion.

In the end, Brumm doesn't believe it's fair. In the end, Grimm doesn't believe it's unfair.

"You sound tired, my friend. I think we should continue this discussion after you rest," he murmurs with forced confidence. Brumm knows that he is just as tired as him, if not more. Grimm knows he does.

Yet again, he closes his eyes, and they don't talk about it when he wakes.

nightmare heart headcanons! sadness! a tiny flashback! this part has it all. i think despite the unresolved tension and the disagreement on whether or not grimm deserves to get metaphorically thrown under a lawnmower and served at the nightmare heart’s dinner table, grimm cares for brumm just as much as brumm cares for grimm, and grimm is very much aware that thinking and talking about the ritual really upsets them both but especially brumm, but it’s not like there’s anything he can do about it except offer brumm a way to drop the topic entirely, even if brumm is Super Mega Ultra Tired of it and just wants to finally resolve the issue. they’re just two goths that are tangled up in God Shit.

also literally the only reason i did not tag the fic as grimm/brumm is because grimm isn’t actually There alkdhgkldjghsfh. 

Grimm does not deserve a death that results in perpetuation of a cycle that does nothing. No matter how many lives are taken to sew veins, arteries, tissue for the realm, it will forever be incomplete. Grimm's death will mean nothing.

i don’t have much to say about this. it just hurts me. but also there’s my nightmare realm headcanon(s)! wooooo.

Far away from his master, who is sleeping for the last time in his life, who will never see his child again, hiding in a someone's abandoned home, now full of corpses, Brumm lets himself be angry not at himself for already missing him, but at the cruelty of the burden laid upon them all by persistent remains of a god.

i don’t know what possessed me to write this. i think i was crying when writing this line. the part about grimm hits me hard every goddamn time, then the part about brumm just kicks me while i’m on the ground. i’m mean to everyone, including myself.

also i think the summary is quite good bc Deepnest Rights.. thanks for reading this and fuck hallownest xoxo!

[musings-on-bucky-barnes]

Q&A Part 3 with Owlet about The Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series

Here is Part the Third of Owlet answering questions about The Infinite Coffee & Protection Detail series and also about her other writing. Some of the questions are from readers of the first Q&A, and some come from a Tumblr post of suggested questions for writers.

Warning for discussion of rape.

OWLET'S NOTE:

Thanks for all the cheers and good wishes on part 2! I'm glad people think the behind-the-scenes stuff is interesting and not just me being a windbag.

I was delighted that so many of you seem interested in my novel! It's not available anywhere yet: I still have to find an agent, and who knows how the heck long that's going to take? (I am NOT cut out for self-publishing.) But I certainly hope it'll find a home. If you want to keep up with me on tumblr (vmohlere) or twitter (virginiamohlere), I assure you that when such time comes, I will scream about it a LOT.

Pink floaty hearts, y'all.

  Reader questions:

From EssayOfThoughts:

 I know that you say that you like to imagine AOU doesn't exist, but I will admit (because I find Wanda deeply compelling and the twins story as a whole very interesting) that I've wondered a lot about how your Bucky would deal with the Maximoff twins? Like, on the one hand there's Wanda's ability to mess with minds, which he'd hate, but simultaneously (at least according to the AOU prelude comic) the twins was effectively radicalised by HYDRA while they were pretending to be SHIELD and expected to be their weapons which is not wholly dissimilar to Nat or Bucky. So if you're willing to acknowledge AOU just enough to ponder this I'd really like to know your thoughts! If not, of course, I understand.

Wanda’s not a character I’ve given much thought to. You’re right that her abilities would freak Barnes out. But he has a strict policy of observation before reaction, so he would give them a chance. And they’re so young (and so broken) that his protective instincts would kick in. I think they could probably count on some wary kindness, along with a dose of irritation at Pietro’s shenanigans.

From Ev42:

 Thing I can't stop thinking about today: babies. Specifically, Bucky + baby = ???

 I personally am a sucker for "Steve knows nothing, Bucky's a pro" thing re: babies. Mix that up with the Mission and the Briefing and what would we get? I keep think about, idk, maybe Sam has a niece or nephew, or one of the Olds has a grandchild or grandniece or something, and I just really want your thoughts on Bucky + baby... Please?

Barnes would be too worried about inadvertently hurting an infant to be willing to touch one, though he likes the directness of slightly older kids.

If in the presence of Steve trying to deal with an infant, the Briefing would definitely have a lot of commentary about everything he was doing wrong.

From Fred1085:

 I guess if I had one question though it would be: Do you always see Bucky existing as Barnes, the Briefing, and the Mission, or do you see a time in his future in which those aspects of him would be more integrated. Not through the magical Asgaridan science, but through his own force of will/healing?

  He definitely does become more integrated over time. The Mission is a protective identity, and as he needs it less, it recedes. The Briefing is literally his memories, which he does recover many of over time, though that’s a long and painful process. There’s a lot of regression throughout the long-term forward progress. But he keeps some of the habits, like “confirm” and “deny.”

 MusingsOnBuckyBarnes:

 After “This, You Protect”, the Mission went to ground so to speak for a bit and Bucky was distressed at its loss, at it not communicating with him. But over time as he heals and it recedes, he wouldn’t be so upset?

Exactly. When the Mission’s going quiet is part of the organic process of healing, he misses it but isn’t upset by its loss.

From stentorian_lore_n:

 Did Bucky and Steve ever make a donation to Sam's VA?? :)

Yes, of course! But Sam had to be bullied into buying a better chair for himself, because he wanted all the money to go to programs.

There’s a lot of red tape involved with how much money the center can receive in donations, so Steve & Bucky give that much each year, even much later, when Sam does in fact move to NYC to become an Avenger.

From englishghosts:

 Also, since you're taking questions, I'd like to ask you something. (TW RAPE)

Although Bucky suffering sexual abuse and torture "for fun" during his time with HYDRA makes perfect sense in my head (70 years in the hands of powerful white men who had complete control over him, it's difficult to imagine nobody got ideas), especially with the imagery of the bank scene, it's something we don't see that often in fics outside certain areas of fandom. I'm really glad you included this, because for me it not only makes it more realistic, but also it brings an extra layer into Bucky reclaiming himself and being comfortable with touching and his feelings for Steve. So the question is what made you decide to include it in this fic?

Like you say, powerful men with a powerful man under their complete control, over the course of 70 years – to me, it’s a given that among the many abuses he suffered was sexual abuse. It was always part of the character, for me, one of the many layers that he needed to work through to reclaim both his body and his self.

I started to think that the romantic-physical relationship with Steve was an inevitable part of Barnes’s healing process, because he and Steve really just do love each other SO much. The more I thought about it, the more I could see that given the style that I’d set up, writing Barnes’s reactions to things kind of obliquely, would be SUPER FUN for writing about bodies and sex. I cackled my whole way through writing that section.

And, you know, there were a lot of commenters who were like “hey man where’s the smut?” – a few of them NOT SO NICELY. I’m glad I stuck it in its own section, though, because I know there are also a lot of people who like to only read the gen parts.

From Selkieinthesea:

How did you come up with the curses? My favorite is “Lenin’s pickled scrotum.” It makes me laugh every time I think of it. I’d use it, but I have toddlers so then I’d have to explain what pickling is, what a scrotum is and why you’d pickle one.

That is a mystery and a blessing from the part of my brain from which jokes arise. Every one of them delighted me. “Lenin’s pickled scrotum” hearkens back to college jokes in Russian History class about how they embalmed Lenin with a mixture of Twinkie filling and maraschino cherry juice, and of course scrotums are always hilarious, I don’t know how people who have them even deal.

from Ev42 (about the fic “Love Is for Children”):

 Nicholas. Anything to do with Nick Fury? Bc I think that'd make his faking-my-death-without-telling-Natasha sting that much more. Ouch.

 I'm trying to imagine how Nicholas meeting the gang would go. I... have no idea? Barnes would bake, of course, but what? The Olds would be happy. Barton already knows. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what the hurt/happy ratio for the rest would be

I actually have a tiny bit of this written out – it was originally going to be another piece of ICaPD, but I couldn’t get it to have any kind of arc to it, and the pacing was just BALLS.

Anyhow, yes, Nicholas is named after Nick Fury. His sperm donor is no one of import, and the only one of the Avengers who knows about him is Clint.

The snippet I never wrote involved Bad Guys kidnapping Nicholas & Steve/Barnes/Nat/Clint/Sam going on a rescue mission.

In this universe, Nat & Clint have a couple of Barton-Romanoffs, of whom Nicholas is the first (Clint adopts him). Tony & Pepper likewise have several kids in this universe.

  The remaining questions are from a “Fanfiction Writer Asks” Tumblr post by criminal-minds-fanfiction:

Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I haven’t written a reader-insertish kind of thing since I wrote a Duran Duran scifi AU when I was 14 years old. Original characters are where it’s at.

What is your favourite genre to write for?

Fantasy, for sure. Tho romance tends to worm its way into most of my stuff.

If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

I think This, You Protect has better pacing than The Long Road Begins at Home, and writing it helped me fall back in love with writing.

If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Um. Maybe my Loki poem? Tho I don’t think it’s necessarily bad.

When is your preferred time to write?

First thing in the morning, tho I’m grateful to be able to write almost any time. In the past couple of years, I've gotten into writing into the notepad on my phone, so I literally write any- and everywhere.

Where do you take your inspiration from?

Absolutely everywhere.

In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote? [Any of your Bucky fics]

The chapter of Team-Building Exercises where Barnes & Pepper go to France is something I’m so proud of. I think I did pretty well with the action and the pacing in that one, and I love writing Pepper.

Their first Thanksgiving, with the Sandwich of Suffering, is also a favorite.

In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? [The Long Road Begins at Home]

It was always going to go Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving.

If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

ARGH NAMES. What a pain. Second only to titles in terms of terribleness. I try to roll a few names around and chew on them until I find the one that feels right.

Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have notes for 3 more sections of Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail – one that’s pure fluff, one that’s an action scene, and one at the very end of their lives. But I dunno. For one thing, the last one is unbearably sad. And I don’t really have Barnes’s voice in my head anymore. I think it’s time to be done.

More about the action scene is answered in response to a reader question in the previous section. The Sad Ending is just too far off in tone that it doesn’t fit the series at all, so let’s leave it in a dark drawer. But Barnes & Steve live for a very long time and remain faithful to the successive generations of their Avengers family. And when they go, they reach the end of the line together.

The fluff scene is CAT JACK and will post on Friday, June 7. (it's not a full story, just a snippet)

Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

The epilogue chapter of This, You Protect has some cute jokes, but it’s pretty weird, and I kind of wish I’d left it off.

Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Depends on the day. I definitely like music when I’m Pondering, though.

How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

LOVE IT

Do people know you write fanfiction?

People know about my MCU fic, yes.

What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

That’s like asking about my favorite child!! Hill is definitely up there on the list, though. Hair Club in general was fun to have around.

Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

I wish I could remember what it was, but yes. That was really fun.

If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Smut, because I think the best smut is also really emotional, so it’s not like cutting out angst, fluff, or anything else.

xXx

The link to the full list of questions for fanfic writer is here:

http://criminal-minds-fanfiction.tumblr.com/post/172926526725/fanfiction-writer-asks

(EDIT: link appears to be maybe-broken?)

[garnetsandroses]

ayo, for the writing ask: 8, 17, 18, 29, 30 :]

awww, hi lyre!!!

8. Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

i do listen to music (a lot of the time with lyrics) when i write! one song that’s been on my mind lately is “how long” from hadestown, simply because there’s something about hades and persephone arguing (i love me some emotional conflict) before the final part’s swell that really makes me think of Majestic scenes

17. What fic are you most proud of?

not to toot my own horn, but this is a hard question XD

likely “needed: emetic for word vomit” since i like the style i had going on and it was self-indulgently fun to make

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

oh, choosing questions are agony (/lh). maybe the last exchanges of “talking through it”? it’s all-dialogue but (and i am stealing your formatting here) “’It loves you because you’re love itself, Will. You’ll always be loved, by everything in the world. And— you know what?’/’Yeah?’/“That’s still not as much as I love you.’” is a FAVE bit of dialogue of mine. my thoughts while adding the riff on the minecraft ending poem were 100% sentiment, but i thought that it was a pretty good addition for philza minecraft himself to say. also, idk if anyone else read the children’s book “guess how much i love you” but that was such a big emotional building block of my childhood it got channeled there i suppose! altogether 10/10, would cry at my own work again ;]

29. Send me a word. If it’s in your WIPs, include the sentence and a short summary of the fic.

“crackle”! the full sentence is “A crackle of noise jolts him out of his drowsiness” and comes from a short little thing i’m writing about fruitberries getting called by hbomb to try and talk tubbo down from causing a wee bit of nuclear annihilation (i mean, diplomacy from one green kid to another amirite lol)

30. Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

does my already-in-progress longfic count? probably not, hah! but i remember nursing a cross-california dreamnap road trip idea and it still plagues me from time to time. like an outbreak of acne, if the acne was an obession with childhood friends to lovers /j

by the way, lyre, you are incredibly cool and i hope your day is going well <3

[possibilistfanfiction]

hey, love your writing! i also enjoyed the epigraph at the start of 'a shelter from oblivion'. i'm going to track it down and read it, but it made me wonder if you had any other queer history/theory/etc books/essays (especially stuff from writers of colour) you would suggest for a queer trans person trying to educate themselves who haven't had the opportunity to study those things in an academic setting. you seem like a good person to ask, any thoughts you had would be great!

yah my favorite to start w is professing selves by afsaneh najmabadi, it’s abt queerness in contemporary iran & so it’s nice bc it has this happy medium between interview memoir & theory. also a Big fan of jack halberstam’s work, which has evolved over the ages as he himself transitioned, which can be v moving in a way. susan stryker is maybe my favorite trans theorist if only for the Drama™—she writes abt radical identities & transness as a reclaimed monstrosity (e.g., angelic, powerful). jose muñoz is also a cool queer critical theorist. obviously heather love & anjali arondekar are some of my favorite queer theorists as well. one of my favorite books to also rec in this context, although technically not theory at is, is sad girl poems by christopher sato (loma). they’re a latinx gnc poet & their chapbook they wrote at nyu seems to delve into this systemic denial of desire (heather love calls or longing, but there’s a violence loma writes abt that gets more at abjection than most theorists ever do). anyway it’s brilliant & queer & tremendously sad & every word is on point & it’s only like $5 lol so yah that’s also a cool (de-centered) place to start as well bc a lot of the ppl above come out of foucault which means they come out of a lacanian tradition which can just make everything overwhelmingly difficult so idk. theory has its issues in that way bc it’s inaccessible by tradition. but yah for that reason i love najambadi & loma as starting places bc they’re not as esoteric. also, janet mock always & i do think that amandla stenberg (not a theorist, obvs, yEt) is rly worth watching in terms of commentary of creation of identity tbh

[words-for-bobby]

This post is pretentious trash just skip it. I was watching a commentary on an online reality show where a man reads this poem to try and make someone like him. I don't remember it but he compared the woman to cherry blossoms, and I realized I've never seen flowering cherry trees with my own eyes. Then I realized that maybe the reason my own poetry feels fake is because I use plants and gems that I've never even seen in person to represent parts of myself. I've only seen the ocean a few times but I know how alive it feels, I see the emptiness of the sky and desire to chase it, even sliding down the stairs blinded by a thick blanket as a small child feels truer to me than symbolizing my love with a rare gem, even if their eyes are like emeralds and yadda yadda. It's really cool when other artists do it but it doesn't pair with my own thoughts. Idk just a thought

[blackbird-brewster]

I had two profound experiences today, extremely unrelated in context but both thought provoking after the fact. The first experience had to do with me getting my first library card in 18 years and how I was very anxious to go into the library for any reason other than to print something.  I will detail this experience in a different post but long story short, all of the embarrassment and shame I felt because of my learning disability melted away and I ended up spending nearly two hours just browsing books. I left feeling to included and happy, I actually cried tears of joy.  Fast forward to the second notable experience of my day. Tonight I went on a date with my flat mate to “Naked Girls Reading: The Feminist Propaganda Edition”. Naked Girls Reading is apparently a sort of “brand”, started in the US as a protest against the ways women’s bodies are usually sexualized when naked. The theory is exactly what it sounds like, performers are completely nude and read aloud to the audience.  I had never heard of this amazing concept, so I jumped at the invitation. ESPECIALLY since tonight’s theme was feminism. I figured naked women reading feminist works sounded AUHMAZING.  [Rest behind a cut for length and transphobia]

The event was hosted by a popular personality in the New Zealand LGBTQPIA scene. They are a self labeled transvestite that MC’s events as their drag king persona, Hugo Grrrl. I assumed, if it was hosted by a gender diverse person it was going to be fairly inclusive.  Welp, you know what they say about assuming. 

Things started promising as Hugo opened their monologue with my favorite greeting “Guys, gals and nonbinary pals”. Hugo then went on to talk about some of the topics of the night including body positivity, body hair, porn, sex work, sex positivity, etc. It sounded really exciting and inter-sectional, I was pumped.

Within the ten minute monologue there was also the disclaimer that “Although this is called “Naked Girls Reading”, gender is a spectrum and the binary is bullshit.” (woo, yeah!!) ”...We only call it that because it was started in America and we didn’t come up with the name.” (Wait, what?)

Ok... but you could literally just call it “Naked People Reading” or “Naked Folx Reading” or ANYTHING else if you want to TRULY be inclusionary. I wasn’t even concerned about the title UNTIL Hugo made the point to say gender binary is bullshit... but then to say “meh, we didn’t come up with the title we’re just being complacent in it” Was sort of shitty.  If you are trying to include people, then INCLUDE them. Don’t say “Hey I’m not transphobic, BUT....” There was no point of this disclaimer other than to point out you recognized a problem but would rather go along with it than change one word of the title of the show.  Things only went down hill from there. A few minutes later as Hugo was wrapping up the monologue they wanted to get the crowd pumped before introducing the performers for the evening. To do this, Hugo had “all the women cheer!” (which they did) then followed by “now all the men!” (which they did). It turned out it was just a set up to make the men a punchline of a very stereotypical “feminist hate men” joke. These jokes are always obnoxious and yes, I recognize Hugo was trying to connect to the large feminist audience so we could all laugh at how society views us...but again, we were back at only acknowledging the gender binary. 

Now I realize many people right now will think I’m being extremely cynical. “Kit, you can’t say someone is being trans exclusionary if they are a queer that self identifies as a transvestite!” But I can because they were.  If you are going to mention nonbinary people. If you are going to make a point of talking about how the binary is bullshit. If you want to have a disclaimer that gender is a spectrum. It’s ALL or nothing.  Inclusion isn’t “I acknowledged you, you should be happy” it’s “I acknowledged you AND included you with everyone else as if we’re all the same.

The monologue is over, I am properly uncomfortable and agitated, the performers come out. From the promises of topics, I expected diversity. Again, that nasty assuming sure got the better of me.

Instead I get two skinny women and one average sized woman. They all appear to be white (although one was painted head to toe in blue and pink body paint as a My Little Pony...and later I learned she isn’t actually white.) They’re naked. So I can tell body hair isn’t really happening. A bit of bush but perfectly smooth everywhere else. All have shoulder length or longer hair and present very feminine.  Idk, again, maybe I was just so cynical by this point that I let my critic get away with me. I just wonder how hard it would be to find a more diverse cast? Am I just too deep in tumblr culture to expect to see different size bodies at a feminist reading? Or people with actual body hair, especially since there was a point of mentioning it in the monologue? Tattoos? Scars? Short hair? Disabilities? More racial diversity? (Again, the one woc was painted blue. And I feel shitty for thinking she was white but they could have included dark skinned people too.)  Introductions are done. The de-robing has happened. We now have three naked women sitting on a couch. Let’s read “feminist propaganda”! Some pretty typical stuff, Maya Angelou, Gloria Steinem, big names of the feminist movement. There was a reading of an MRA’s post from some MRA website. (Why are we giving MRA’s an audience at a FEMINIST reading?!) Intermission.  During intermission, I got up the courage to go speak to Hugo and mention why I was peeved at the start of the show with the women/men division of the audience. They shrugged and said “well it was a set up to a punch line” I smiled and replied, “I realize that but don’t you think trans folks are the punch line enough?” They tried to back track but it got awkward and I walked away. Hugo does some “feminist” trivia during the break. Throwing prize bags of tampons and chocolate to whoever shouts the correct answer. 

One question asks what does “SWERF” stand for. A woman yells the answer and Hugo repeats it back to the audience and says “Sex work exclusionary feminism isn’t feminism. Sex work is real work!” It would have been so easy to also educate about TERFs. They don’t. The irony is not lost on me. 

More trivia. I win one. I’m told, “Here enjoy these tampons!” I catch it and yell back, “Not all women have vaginas” I turn to the women at our table and say, “Hello, I don’t need tampons and I hate chocolate. Enjoy” They gladly accept. Back to the readings... A dramatic reading of Spice Girl lyrics. Some very heteronormative erotica. A reading of a radfem manifesto of the 70s (that included very acephobic commentary) And then, the woman painted as a MLP says she’s going to read Ivan E Coyote.  Now, for those of you who haven’t been blessed with reading their works or seeing Ivan perform (I just saw them again last week!), they are a trans writer from Canada. Very well known in LGBTQPIA circles. AMAZINGLY pure and moving stories and poems and “literary Doritos”. They are an amazing human being and have quickly become one of my favorite queer authors.  SO I AM STOKED!! This night has been so cishet heavy and I’m crank, I am READY to end it with Ivan. Ivan has written four of five books, has mountains of published poetry and she chooses to read a piece that is so personal to me. She prefaces this with a quick word about Ivan being an LGBTQ author. But fails to mention they’re a trans masculine person who identifies as a Tom Boy.  The piece starts out as a love letter to femmes who are often erased from Queer culture because they are “assumed” to be straight. But then turns to Ivan’s journey through figuring out they were trans and how they became jealous of femmes sometimes and how they will never be seen as who they are. How they will always be coming out of the closet over and over and over. Because their identity isn’t “visibly recognized” because it’s outside the binary.  I sob every time I hear this poem because it is so personal to me. The first time I heard it was when Ivan performed in Chch last August. I was in the midst of struggling with how the world saw me and this poem touched a part of me I thought no one would <i>ever</i> understand.  I sobbed again tonight. My flat mate patted my hand. She sobbed too for the same reasons. The journey to figuring out your identity can be so isolating, terrifying and lonely. But when you hear your story being told by someone who is on a stage, with an audience, talking as if your journey was the most normal and natural experience....it’s an emotional time.  After she finished, the performer stated “As a cis woman, I obviously do not identity with the narrator. I do however think this poem speaks to me as a femme. Because we are often overlooked.” (This gets cheers from the audience) I feel sick inside. This cis woman just spoke the very personal words of a trans person bearing their soul and claimed it as a poem for her.  No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to bend it to your whim. If you want to include poetry or stories about the trans experience, YOU FUCKING INCLUDE TRANS PERFORMERS.  Thank god the night was over.  My flat mate and I are sitting at our table deciding how to make our own event called “Naked Queers Reading” and how much better it would be. We’re minding our own business when out of the corner of my eye I see a crowd around the stage area.  Of course. There’s a man who has taken off his shirt to pose with the naked women so he can get his buddy to take his picture. Of fucking course there is. That’s when we left.  I don’t know if I am just lucky to live in such a comfortable Queer circle of friends that I’ve become blind to the world of heternormative, patriarchal bullshit or if I am truly too fucking cynical to go out in public...but fuck was I disappointed with tonight.  Anyway, if you made it through this entire post, thank you. I promise I’ll post a really lovely story about the library tomorrow. Right now I want to watch Ivan E Coyote performances on YouTube and drink my tea from my Unicorn Elixer mug. 

[xverses]

sequoia, plath, alexandria, basquiat

Sequoia:     Most beautiful names in your family tree?

I um haven’t seen most of my family in about 5 years now because they all live abroad and I can’t go visit them because of the fucking government and my visa but anyway.  So this is fucked up but I don’t really know many of their names as well as I should. It’s probably for the better, cos it’s easier to lose something you never had. But that’s another story for another time. Uhhh I’ll give you names of people who I chose to be my family of sorts and all their names are beautiful - Ava, Felicia, Breck, Carly, Tanaka, Lorraine. 

Plath:     Title of this chapter in your life (if your life were a book)?

This is a really hard question. But. If 18 is the chapter we’re on it’d be “The Carnage of An Honest Man.”  My heart is so cold and numb but full at the same time. It doesn’t make any sense. Ice takes up such a large amount of space. 

Alexandria:     Things / moments in your life that are gone forever?

her love for me. i want to name her but i’m too afraid to say it out loud - i’ve never been strong enough or good enough or just enough.  what mother’s are supposed to be. home. my dignity. skin that was clean. a body that was hole. my belief in happiness. money. so much fucking money. childhood. my first kiss. so much love. so much love is gone and i will never get it back. but maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. i was never meant to have it in the first place. apologies. 

Basquiat:     Social commentaries in your creative work?

if you’ve read A MODERN MUSE you know it’s hella gay as shit.  i don’t really try to slip social commentary inside things as much but sometime’s im pissed and i write. my poem SISTERS, A FIRST LOVE for example really expressed my frustration with how similar to that Hayley Kiyoko song “Sleepover” sapphic love is so often bridled down to the fact they they’re “just friends.” Like two girls can be so close and so caught up in each other but that doesn’t mean that it’s love. it can’t be a love like between a man and a woman and i know that isn’t everyone’s belief of it but damn. the queerbating in the media really fucking hurts. and it’s consequences can be seen in SISTERS where the speaker grapples with it you know , she grapples with being in love with someone who she’s so close to but essentially it’s as if even though they’re being physically intimate cannot surpass this emotional barrier because it’s like when straight girls call each other girlfriends, it really fucks some shit up for the gays my dude. but yeah, i don’t know there’s a lot of strife of the validity of sapphic relationships in my writing and that just comes from personal shit. i wrote an essay on intersectionality which had more of a social stance on things. i have to say the things i write right now deal more with the concept of gender and what beauty means since i am a person of color and idk it’s just been hard to feel beautiful recently. i realize this answer is far from coherent but more ranty than anything else, but i hope i answered it a little bit at least x