#reading the news is horrifying
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#after a week of searching they found the body of a 22 year-old woman who was abducted by her ex boyfriend and killed.#she was supposed to graduate a few days ago#this whole week we had to read the media telling a disgustingly romanticized version of this story#reading the news is horrifying#journalists don't fucking know how to approach the subject the misoginy is so blatant#more than a hundred of women were killed in italy since the beginning of the year and no one is doing fucking anything#a woman gets killed every three days#and politicians aren't batting an eye#im so tired of this shit but most of all so angry#i was having an okay day now i feel like blowing something up or else I'll explode#worst thing is the men that keep going on with their bullshit 'not all men' rethoric#its exhausting#tw violence#tw femicide
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Take a good look… with Gyo.
#togashi NOT fucking around with the new chapter omg#the way this was only the second most frightening thing I’ve seen today#the first of course being the insane nose dive in animation quality uzumaki took#ah well at least we have episode 1 ✨#but on topic I’m so glad hxh is back and that togashi is not just able to work again but to work at such a high level again 🥰#I don’t even mind Text x Text but like panels like this are why I hate when people say hxh should just finish out as a novel#the writing in hxh is solid but the way its art shifts around from sketchy and playful to detailed and horrifying is one of its many charms#and is something the anime adaptation actually really misses out on in the name of uniform character modeling#togashi’s versatility as an artist is so wonderful and is a huge part of why I also suggest reading hxh even if you’ve seen the anime#hxh#hunter x hunter#hxh spoilers#hunter x hunter spoilers#hxh 401#if I didn’t have work tomorrow I would’ve spent more time and effort redrawing the bits where there were bubbles#but you get this hasty edit instead lmao
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Honestly, I'm really grateful that my brain isn't wired to jump from hyperfixation to hyperfixation. It has its own unique drawbacks, sure, but I've always found it really comforting that I know what to expect from myself.
#falling out of love with my own projects is something I find really oddly horrifying#but the only time I really ever stop loving something is if the thing itself gives me a reason not to like it#the only reason I ever really stopped doing VOH fanart is because the fandom for it dried up completely and my my job at the time demanded#all of my art attention#i've still drawn the characters a few times since then tho#I still love them with all of my heart lol#same with slayers and sailor moon#and ofc my love for dmc revs back up into action every time a new game comes out#(looking at the reboot) not you#been hyperfixated on resident evil since 1996 lol#killer instinct since 1994#god now that's a thing why have I never done modern killer instinct fanart? Sabrewulf's new design is a chef kiss#I've got my ancient KI fanart from the 90s have I ever posted it for you guys lmao it's amazing. all the love a 10 year old can pour#as we speak I have some of my voh doujin [hush you they're clean/story driven ones] on my desk bc I was reading through them again#anyway my point is... there's a few things I fell out of love with ofc#but those were all for actual 'story jumped the shark/tied to a bad experience' reasons#I'm thankful that my exact form of audhd doesn't come with jumping hyperfixations#ofc this means you're stuck with soli#stuck with it forever#(villainous thunderclash)#I love tumblr's post culture most of this post is in the goddamn tags
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K guys your posts won my curiosity and I managed to binge the first Lockwood book in one day. Skimmed over the really grisly parts, very pleased with myself for not getting super freaked out and for figuring out the villain about the time they got to the scary mansion. A little disappointed that the funny talking skull in a jar didn't actually talk until the epilogue. No I will NOT be watching the tv series because 1) I appreciate my brain's inability to provide me with vivid imagery that would definitely excite my anxiety, and 2) Im sure the actor playing George is great but he is also reasonably cute and skinny and the book is VERY CLEAR that George is supposed to be an overweight, not-conventionally-attractive blond kid. Justice for tubby kid representation! (Altho I will add that the author has a foreward in this edition stating how much he loves those actors and how they portray the kids, so at least he's okay with it.) Anyhoo will let yall know if I make it through book 2, now I need to try and actually go to bed it is so LATE
#river reads#lockwood and co#george cubbins#yes I shluld have been in bed hours ago#but what else is new#thank you sincerely Jesus that I handled that well and didnt get freaked out#the me of a few years ago would be in a bad place rn#still pretty gross and depressing to think of the ghosts but I like how the book treats it all scientifically#makes it less existentially horrifying I think#anyhoo goodnight!
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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For the first time ever, I have been followed by SO many people at once that tumblr condensed the notification on mobile app and I had to click to see all of my new followers (like five people, and three of them were bots). I guess I will be here until it's truly a smoldering ruin but man these new bots are prolific and annoying. I like to click on the names of unfamiliar people who are interacting with my posts (because I'm nosy that way, and I suspect that others do the same to me); and this is how I find many porn bots to block and report.
It's unfortunate that with all of its problems, tumblr remains the best social media site for me. I feel like I am sailing past in a ship that is slightly on fire, frantically manning the pumps while I yell at passing craft, "BUT SHE'S A BEAUTY! SITS ON THE WATER LIKE A DUCK, SUCH ELEGANT LINES TO HER HULL!"
#and the sails are luffing#the cook's in the scuppers with the staggers and jags etc.#shaun talks#tumblr#every time i miss twitter i read some horrifying new headline about it
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the thing about being a journalist is sometimes you learn news that’s horrific and it really reminds you that fantasies ≠ real life bc hoo boy
#read a horrifying news release and was sickened#then realized. i wrote a fic that’s basically the same thing#AHHHH
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Excuse me.
Hello?
HELLO??
HELLO??!!
HELLO?!?!?!!!?!
#reading a new chapter before going to sleep and MY BODY IS IN FULL ADREBALINE!!!#LOOK AT THAT INSANE DETERMINED FACE!!!#I AM BOTH HORRIFIED AND AFRAID NOW!#I think what makes it more exhausted is I am just being introduced to dragon ball where I’m into another good parental figure character#like#I CANNOT HANDLE DOWN WITH MORE FANGIRLING THAN I ALREADY AM FROM THIS CHAPTER#bnha spoilers#toshinori yagi#dadmight#all might
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ocd rep is very tricky because on one hand you would LOVE to see it represented but on another hand if they ARE represented you have to watch with caution because it can very much make your own worse if you're not careful
#same with posts about it#ive learned new ways accidentally to be irrationally horrified#just from seeing other people talk about their experiences#ocd is really tricky like that. you still want to feel understood you want to find your community#but you take psychic damage every time you read about new compulsions#like oh i hadnt thought of that. time to have it pop into my head and ve forced to do it out of fear forever
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currently reading Unconfessed by yvette christiansë for my south african fiction class and its genuinely fucking gut wrenching
#i read a lot of enslaved narratives/fictions/histories bc hey im from new orleans thats the sordid history no one likes to talk ab#but tgis book is so solidly horrifying in its prose i havent been able to stop myself from crying as i go#this counts as a recommendation. read this book
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could someone tell me why that series was life changing and also send me fic recommendations please and thank you
#well actually i do know why#it’s about choosing to keep going no matter how stacked the odds look. and how important finding your family is.#and i only made it to 20 because of those things#anyway i’m gonna go throw up now that was horrifying and i need to do something that will put me on national news#jamie reads aftg#aftg#jamie finishes aftg. i fucking guess
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was gonna make some vague post like "coming back to tumblr and remembering immediately why i took a break" but that makes it sound like im encountering drama when the case is just that this website is. so overwhelming
#barry.txt#came online to get info on what happened at the ts brazil shows and got hit in the face with joan of arc show#anniversary new dnp video and even more horrifying tragedies from palestine and silly posts from friends and it leaves me#even more confused from the constant emotional whiplash of looking at posts jesus christ#deleting the app again bc i do use this compulsively and if i dont ill be back#but god. too much in 5 minutes. i need to go back to reading books#hi to my friends/mutuals on here i miss you and hope ill be able to be more active soon bc i like seeing all ur#its why im here really#but god
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The worst thing in fanfic is when you ship a poly ship but there’s not enough content for it so you read a fic with just two of the characters and they make another character you ship with both of them an ex? And it’s not the author fault, they weren’t writing for the poly ship but it still ruins what could have been a great fic because you don’t want them to be exs
#if only my past self could see me…. I remember freshman year of high school#(important note: I was VERY new to fanfic at this point)#anyway tho. I got curious about Sherlock and read some fics of it despite never having watched any of the show#or consumed anything Sherlock related at all?#I did go on to listen to an audio vers of the first book#anyway#adhd moment rn#uh. forgot what I was writing about#OH. right I read a few Sherlock fics#but being the we fandom baby I was#I didn’t notice that one#a wip I was interested in#was tagged as mature/explicit (I’ve forgotten which)#and because it was still regularly updating I kept it open in my an incognito tab#and one day at lunch my friends took my phone and saw this#I was horrified to learn it was rated as such. not because I hadn’t read anything adult but because my friends had seen it#and I didn’t want to read anything adult really#I mean I was fourteen just learning about sex so I did but also really didn’t#this is the worst story I’ve ever told#so I ended up saying some bullshit about just reading the comments#I was embarrassed to admit I had even touched fanfic#I wonder if my friends remember that incident#tag rant#I’m having a mega neurodivergent boy moment rn
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when will people understand tumblr is my safe space and if i wanted to see news i would just look it up on the three news apps downloaded on my phone
#maybe im wrong but idk i don't want to know and read about the war all the time yk because i can't fucking do anything about it sitting in#my room thousands of miles away???????#i am informed alright and horrified and sad i GET it#but so sick of these people saying you're horrible and have no compassion and are a baby for not keeping up with every news event#and not spreading information all the time#just saw a post that was like 'ppl saying uwu i have mental illness i can't talk about this all the time bc it makes me sad need to grow tf#up'#like oh please what 18 hours a day im awake and between everything else im supposed to keep up with the news 24/7???#sometimes i hate living in this world of internet sometimes i wish i could get my news from the newspaper in the morning once a day like my#parents
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rvb final season announcement and rwby volume 10 storyboards
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camp camp season 5
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#pretty sure this is gonna pop up in the tags whether i actually tag it or not#i remember the cc fandom well#and i'm telling you this is a JOKE#i'm as equally horrified as i am curious#bc imo season 4 was so terrible there's no way they could do worse#i'm also very curious about these supposed new va's??#i didn't read the whole post#but i think some characters#like max and nerris#are now going to be voiced by actors who are the actual ethnicities of those characters#and i'm losing it over max being the exact same shitty 10 year old#only now he sounds like baljeet from phineas and ferb#just imagine baljeet saying 'fuck' with the same passion as max
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(Coming back to add: I don't know if this needs trigger warnings. Almost-SA, I guess? More like just sexual harassment, I think.)
Talking about my life is always wild, because I barely share anything with people I'm close to, so I had the amazing experience of telling my favorite cousin about that time a man called Freebird, stepdad to my aunt's not-yet-fiancè-boyfriend, kept trying to lure me back to his confederate flag decorated house in swamplands to "watch his dog," for months, which eventually led to his wife outright threatening to shoot me if I ever tried to be more than a mistress (already, arguably, a lot to unpack), and then my aunts had to come rescue me from their empty house after the lil biker gang man stood in their living room, hand on his gun, and tried to intimidate me into going upstairs to "play doctor" (which, can I just say, is so Comically bad, like wdym I, as a 21yo woman, had a grown, known gang leader in my aunt's living room asking me to "play doctor" in full view of their security cameras???? Bizarre) So yeah! She had an eye-opening look into why I don't let men in my apt, and I had the revelation that yeah, I have been through some shit and that maybe talking about it all would do me some good! In short, either my journal is gonna get Real Colorful this year or 2024 may be the year I actually get a therapist, though I am heavily leaning towards just journalling.
#honestly I only perceive that things were damagingly bad when I look back#in the moment or just living my life I lean heavily into 'nahh that's just a one-day funny story!'#my cousin was of course Horrified#and that kind of helped me realize that yeah that time in my life wasn't great#if I were to ever write out my entire life it would read like a really really bad fiction novel#my screenwriters are gonna get canned for writing trauma-porn-esque plotlines#honestly someone should can whoever's in charge of plotting out my life#I need some new writers#maybe one inclined to drop like 6yrs of peace on my ass for a change 😂🫶#boop's rambles#the importance of journaling I guess
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