#reading his lore and his traumas has helped me with processing my own traumas

[dreaming-of-barbi]

Little reminder that Franco is a victim, a product of the environment he grew up in and is currently in. He didn't have a chance to be a better person thanks to his father.

Most likely he was belittled for his interests and only being praised when he did something his father "approved of", like when he killed a man for him. Franco was never given the chance to do good, to be a normal kid. Growing up in the mafia, violence and abuse was most likely all he knew, it was his normal. You don't play with toys or read books, you hunt down bad guys and get shit done, like your father. He never had a mother figure and if he did? They were his step mothers.

Knowing how his father was, I wouldn't be surprised if the women his father was with weren't the kindest to Franco. They could have even been encouraged to do things to him while Franco was told to just deal with it because he's a man.

I will stand by what I say, when I say that

Franco hasn't done anything wrong. He is a victim, and is only doing what he's known his entire life.

He's a product of his upbringing, he had no guidance when he was a child. If anything, he was "guided" down the path he's on now thanks to his father, his life.

How would you know better, if you were never shown better?

[etherealspacejelly]

ok so. i am currently working on a fic. its a story that has been rotating in my brain for years about an avengers OC. idk if i want to start posting it as a WIP or wait until it's finished.

what im gonna do is post the prologue here, under the cut. it is entirely worldbuilding because. i came up with a new alien species with Lore™️ that i made as canon compliant as possible because im a fucking nerd. so you kinda need to know all of that before i can tell the actual story.

if you're interested, please give it a read and tell me what you think and whether you would want to read more! if it gets enough attention i'll start posting the chapters i have to ao3. i have a tag list for my fics so lmk if you want to be added to that too.

quick summary of the fic as a whole: The last surviving member of the Light Elf race, Einar, is taken in by the Avengers when they are orphaned at 10 years old. They nurse Einar back to health, and slowly form a bond with them, helping them to process their grief and heal from their trauma. There's a lot of fluff, a lot of angst, a lot of hurt/comfort, and of course found family.

It starts during the events of Thor: The Dark World and follows the storyline of the MCU from there.

Prologue:

In the beginning, there was only darkness. The only world to exist in that darkness was a tiny, desolate rock named Alfheim. This was the home of my ancestors, the Elves, before time, before space, before light.

No one knows how long they lived like that, alone in the dark. All we know is that at some point that darkness ended. The universe began, and light and life exploded into existence. For most of the Elves, this was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. They swore to protect and nurture all life and to serve the light. But others believed that this was a perversion of the natural order, that the universe belonged in darkness and should be returned to that state. They vowed to destroy the light by any means possible.

War broke out between the two opposing sides, an Elvish Civil War that lasted for many billions of years, with both sides only ever coming together to kill each other. And so, they evolved separately into two species: the Dark Elves and the Light Elves. Each side became stronger and stronger with each generation, evolving new abilities and traits to give them an edge in battle.

A few millennia ago, a great battle ensued between these two sides on Svardalfheim. The Dark Elves tried to use their most powerful weapon, the Aether, to destroy the universe. The Light Elves fought with all their might, but the Dark Elves had the upper hand. That is until the Asgardians arrived.

Odin's father, King Bor, and his army tipped the scales and won the battle for the Light Elves. They confiscated the Aether and sealed it away where no one would find it. Malekith, the leader of the Dark Elves, fled in his ship and bombed the planet behind him hoping to destroy what remained of the Light Elf army, not caring if his own perished as well.

Only two Light Elves survived.

They fled to find a place to hide, to recover their strength for what they knew would be the final battle of the War. They needed a primitive, unknown, safe planet to seek refuge. They found one.

Earth. Dominated by a bipedal, fairly intelligent species descended from tree dwellers. No one would think to look for them there. It was on this planet in the middle of nowhere that these two Elves decided to take a risk, one last desperate attempt to give them an edge against the Dark Elves. They had a baby.

That child, the last Light Elf baby to ever be born, came to be in England, Earth, in the spring of 2003. They named the child Einar, an old Norse name meaning 'the lonely warrior', for that is the future they believed their child was destined for. Little did they know how wrong they would turn out to be.

[pastriibunz]

I get a little silly and explain the lore for

THE HATCHETFIELD KAIS!

TKWDLM Kai: You know her, you love her, she’s The Kai Who Didn’t Like Musicals! Well, kind of a lie. Girl really likes musicals. She just doesn’t like this one. Her script/fanfic is finished and can be read here, and she’s the only Hatchetfield Kai whose I story plan on writing out, but who knows! If you folks liked TKWDLM enough, maybe I’ll write the other ones out! Also, a thing to note: Every Hatchetfield (minus the Kais in the Trip series, they got their own thing going on) Kai is a variant of TKWDLM Kai. She’s escaped the infection somehow, and she’s been searching the timelines, trying to find one where the world is okay and she’s safe with Paul and Emma. The search has taken at least 2 years and she hasn’t found one yet, but she’ll search for as long as she has to. They’re worth it.

Forever And Always Kai: Someone get a bell cart, because this girl’s got some major baggage! Inserted into the plot line of Forever And Always, Kai watches her mom and dad (Emma and Paul, obv) get married, which sucks for her because of some past trauma involving marriage- *cough* Hiro Mira *cough* -but then her entire world flips upside down when she learns the Emma she’s learned to love like her own mother isn’t the real Emma. Kai, filled with heartbreak from being lied to, and the disgust of the idea of stealing someones life for themselves (she’s got some issues surrounding her own identity) tries to help the real Emma in whatever way she can. When that inevitably doesn’t work out, and after learning that Paul lied about his identity too, Kai tries to make a break (pun intended, you’ll see why in a minute) for Unington. While trying to escape the apartment she breaks either her entire lower leg or her ankle (depending on the ending), slowing her down. No matter what ending, Kai doesn’t make it to Unington, with Paul and Emma finding her. They take her to the hospital and then back home, where Kai begs for them to kill her too. They, much to Kai’s dismay, assure her they won’t and that they’ll love her like their own, Forever And Always.

Hey, Melissa! Kai: Oh, boy. This one’s a doozy. And it’s pretty silly. Me and my friend (@local-soda-can) turned the weird, kinky and fetishy story of Hey, Melissa! from flat out gross/weird to kinda sweet in a really messed up sort of way? I feel like I should say this now: ‼️IT'S NOT SEXUAL ANYMORE BECAUSE KAIS A MINOR (17) AT THE TIME OF THE STORY‼️ so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get on with the show!! The entire thing is so long and goofy, that I’m making it its own little summary on @beaniibunzz, where I’ll link here when it’s up! But, essentially, Melissa catgirls Kai and Kai just accepts it because she craves praise, validation, and affection that Melissa provides and Kai’s like “oh shit sure I’ll be a cat yeah why not!!” It was really funny to write. Very silly 5/5 stars!!!

ATDTU Kai: Ah, A Trip Down To Unington! Again, my friend local-soda-can made an 8 part live reaction to this, linked here! To summarize, Set 3 years after TKWDLM (where somehow everyone is uninfected), The Hatchetfield Gang™️ (Consisting of Paul, Emma, Ted, Bill, and Charlotte, with guest appearances from Mr. Davidson, Sam, and Melissa) take, as the title states, a trip down to Kai’s hometown of Unington! During their stay, they learn about Kai and her past, as well as how the town isn’t exactly the nicest people towards her. It’s very silly and it makes me giggle. Go read my friends live reaction for more info!!!

Hallow’s Eve Kai: This one I’ve actually never posted about, nor does it have any actual writing behind it. But, it’s still silly! Essentially, During a Halloween party at CCRP, someone *cough* Ted- *cough* has the bright idea to summon a demon!!!! Yay!!! Emma (who has most definitely tried to summon a demon, you cannot convince me otherwise) walks the gang through the process, and at first nothing happens. Then, Kai (dressed as her dad, Bendy!!!! :D) appears. Now, they’ve gotta give her a deal/task she can fulfill or else she’ll be stuck bonded to the gang for the rest of eternity. Maybe one day I’ll probably post something revolving around this thing.

ATUTH Kai: The newest Kai of the bunch! A Trip Up To Hatchetfield is essentially the reverse of A Trip Down To Unington. It, like ATDTU, is set 3 years after the events of TKWDLM. Instead of the gang going down to Unington, however, it revolves around Kai going up to visit Hatchetfield. Kai was supposed to go on tour around the US in TKWDLM, with her starting city being Hatchetfield. There were some complications with that *cough* apocalypse- *cough*, but that’s water under the bridge now. She heads down to Hatchetfield for what was supposed to be a week, and does the show she was supposed to do! But, when she tries to leave??? THE ENTIRETY OF HATCHETFIELD (minus the gang™️ the gang™️ is cool) SCOOPS HER ASS UP AND IS LIKE “nah ah ahhhh no leaving for you ☝️☝️☝️” and now she’s like everyone’s collective child and she just wants to leave- it’s silly :]

and that’s that! if your wondering about Black Friday Kai or Nerdy Prudes Must Die Kai, they’re not on here bc I haven’t started outlining Black Kai-day and Nerdy Prudes Must Kai is still at the beginning and I wanna give it some room to grow before I summarize it

okai byeee :D

[astrosfaerydae]

Love is the Death of Peace of Mind

Chapter 1: In the Beginning

[Ongoing fic]

[word count: 4.1k]

"Demons?" Felix said questioningly out of the blue.

"Yes they exist," he confirmed, "you can ask me anything you want ok? Whatever helps you process this."

"So that means angels… right? Wait you said 'all the things that go bump in the night' does that mean ghosts too!?"

Chan held back his laughter; he forgets sometimes that not everyone grows up with this knowledge. Not that it's funny, just everyone has relatively the same reaction as they rattle off all the creatures he's faced at some point in his life. "Yes,” he sighed, “ghosts, vampires, werewolves, etcetera etcetera. Just about anything you ask me the answer is going to be yes."

Tags/Warnings:

TW: religious trauma & guilt / homophobia / transphobia / mild violence / weapons

Chanlix supernatural AU, supernatural (tv) crossover, Chan is Dean coded, Felix is a good boy or at least he's trying to, demons

Notes:

A few housekeeping notes: -if I mess up the supernatural lore no I didn't this is my world 😂 no but seriously I'm gonna try to stick as close to the lore as I can if I can -Chan has a firebird because there's only one Baby and that's Dean's -there's a church scene I feel like I need to make a note on before yall read. Most non traumatized people would just get up and leave, yes I know. But if you've grown up in it and have had the fear of god put into you you'd understand. If you don't understand, look up angry southern baptist preacher talks about the rapture and I believe that will be enough to explain. But uh maybe don't subject yourself to that and just take my word for it. Also I have nothing against religion in general, just this specific fear and hate based type of religion. (Ps. The tampon thing was said by a preacher at my former church. My grandma told me about it thinking it was the funniest thing. I informed her very quickly otherwise) -if you are reading this and know nothing about supernatural that's ok I'll do my best to not leave things too vague but also feel free to comment and ask if you need clarification on something. Also if it's something I think is vague I'll put it in notes. -I have included tags that are currently relevant so people don't get disappointed. (read as: yes there will be smut no it's not going to be for a while) so just keep an eye out for those to update! -Title is from Death of Peace of Mind by Bad Omens -lastly, Always keep fighting <3

Fic Masterlist

[raspberryberyl]

wanted to add on some less important/ maybe triggering things just to share insight into what my fandom experience has been like ^^

tw for suicidal feelings, self harm, panic attacks, and mention of technoblade's death.

before i was into the dsmp, i hadn't been in many fandoms. i liked things like steven universe, but i just watched it really, i never joined into the fandom and conversations. my closest experience to being in a fandom was with svtfoe (which you might know about if your an old follower or just know me on any other platform XD) i drew art for svtfoe, and made friends to talk about it with. i joined svtfoe pretty late into its run, and it was ending. when it had its terrible end, i watched the fandom fall apart and most people leave. the ending really soured the whole show for me, and a lot if my experience, but i stayed in the fandom and continued making my art and au.

with dsmp and mcyt, i was a bit late to the fandom, but not as late as others. i loved seeing all the passion and creativity, and the friendships people had. But i myself didn't engage in it much right away. i kinda just observed and enjoyed the fandom from the shadows. the fandom was nothing like i had ever seen before.

i didn't have any friends or mutuals in the myct fandom though, and i still don't really. i love it and think its amazing, but i also understand my experience is different because other people had actual friends to share it with, and all i did was observe other people's friendships.

i regret not getting more into the fandom earlier, for being scared that 'it was cringe' and not wanting people to know i liked it. maybe if i wasn't so afraid, i would have had some friends and had an even better experience!

the only one i really had was my Little brother. and man we had so much fun discussing lore and theories. i remember getting so excited whenever a big lore trailer would drop and then we'd dressup for things like the red banquet. when a sadist animation would drop, or a new derivikat song. i remember when i became more of an obsessed fan than him and would just watch every stream and then explain it to him. And i remember when he began to lose interest and look back at it as 'cringe' and i felt alone.

it was the dsmp fandom and its fanfics that introduced me to the concept of 'self harm' and so the main reason i started to harm myself.

it was covid (which was awful for all of us) and i also just had my own issues. i felt suicidal, and the dsmp was kinda the first thing i saw that helped me understand those feelings. the first time i saw trauma and suicidal ideation really be tackled. and it felt so personal and intimate.

if you go to my ao3 or know of my anonymous fics, you'd see how many of them are about the concept of suicide. you'd see my venting and suffering.

i had an unhealthy relationship with dsmp at first, but as i grew with the media, it became better and i learned to heal. writing my vent fics, and watching ctommy process trauma helped me process it to.

i would do my school from home, and just tune into any dsmp stream i could just to distract myself from my pain. i have fond memories of tuning into most if ranboo's mining streams, or foolish building and loosing his mind.

when the suicidal feelings were bad, dsmp was what id wake up for. what id rely on to keep me stable and going.

id tell myself stuff like 'you can't kill yourself until you find out the cranboo lore' 'you don't want to miss out on how the dsmp ends' 'once it's over than you can die.'

I'd read fics about trauma, suicidalness, and feelings and it would only exasperate my own feelings. it was aweful, but i never felt more heard.

it made me realize my trauma. it helped me really realize and come to terms with that people that you love and who love you, can hurt you. that just because they're family doesn't mean its ok. that you might think you've got love and a friendship, but they might be using and abusing you.

it made me learn more about mental health, about mine and other's experiences. it made me come to terms with my religious trauma. it taught me more about so many different cultures and people. i hate to admit it but i barely knew anything about lgbtq+ before the dsmp, don't get me started on how little i knew about actual cultures other than my own.

this fandom has given me so much. and ive stayed up late nights and spent so much time and energy on it.

and yeah, things did get soured. I'll never forget ccranboo for how they just abandoned their lore and the character i cared so much about. (i can understand and accept why they did it, but it still hurts). ill never forgive how the dsmp ended, how it went from a masterpiece of lessons to half hearted untrue and just false messages.

it changed when technoblade died, and i remember all the pain i felt. i had never mourned for a person in such a way. i felt horrible that i didn't even know the guy and it affected me so much. but through the tragedy, it helped me realize the beauty and meaning of life, and to savor it. every moment.

i remember the moral dilemmas and panic attacks i would have over lore and people telling me things like 'ctommy isnt being abused' or 'he deserves it'.

i remember when the dream situation stuff came out and i felt guilty and terrified. i remember coming to terms with it, and taking strength in the community and us standing together. i remember, although it made me sick, feeling like i needed to keep up with all the drama. tuning into every cupsmp post to keep myself updated.

i remember the mess of a finale, the cwilbur finale, the miscommunication, and just feeling betrayed by these creators. i remember crying every night when it ended. how bitter i felt. trying not to think about it. i had spent so much time and energy on this fandom, and this is how they treat us? but i learned to find comfort and strength within the community, with our own takes and lessons, our own endings and stories.

through every controversy, although i was tainted, i learned to have strength.

with the ccwilbur stuff i felt so lost. like 'is everything going to just get ruined. is there a point in enjoying anything anymore?' and i got passed it. yeah ctnt duo feels different and is probably ruined for me now, but im not going to let that stop me.

so my point is, i may have gone through shit in this fandom, so much shit, but i dont care. i still love the dsmp, im not going to regret it, no matter how dark of a time it was in my life. im going to keep the fond memories and hold onto what i love. it changed me for the better, and i would go through it all again.

people say to get into other smps, other things, and they have been. but maybe im just not good at letting go and moving on, and i don't intend to let go. its just all not the same for me.

i liked qsmp, i liked empires, i haven't seen the life series but i hear good things. but nothing will be what the dsmp was for me.

i watch cctommy occasionally. people tell me to watch ccranboo, but again i kinda have a grudge. genloss is cool but i just haven't felt hooked. i watch cctubbo the most out of all of them i guess (mostly cause of qsmp).

yeah there are things i could be watching and getting into that other people might think and find better , but I'm happy. i love the dsmp and all my memories. again i dont really have any friends, but i have this community, what is left of us. and i wouldn't trade it for the world.

thank you dsmp fandom, mcyt fandom, i love you 🫂

not to like vague post, i just don't really feel like reblogging, adding my comment, and disrupting the og post. let people feel how they want to feel, and not start any arguments sorta.

but i just saw this post that was like "if you're thinking about getting into dsmp, don't" and lots of people always talking about how they're embarrassed, or regret it, or want to forget that part of their life. and i just can't help but think about how thats the farthest from the truth for me. i don't think I'll ever regret it :-)

and i know that we all have different experiences, people were going through different things and might want to move on and forget, and that's all valid.

the dsmp fandom is just such an experience. and yeah its become soured by cc turning out to be bad people, by bad writing, and by disappointing endings.

yeah it would be hard to get into now, lots of vods and its just not the same experience as watching and experiencing it all live. what made the fandom was the fans, but you can still find fics, go listen to songs, dig up analysis, find art and animatics.

I just feel like there's nowhere where i discovered more about myself, felt heard, found connection, and felt at home more than the dsmp fandom. It's my chosen home. It's my safe place. and when you feel that way about something, why would you not recommend it? share it with others :-)

so because of my bias and own personal experiences, if you were thinking about getting into the dsmp fandom I'd say go for it, I'd totally recommend it! its not the same as it used to be, it'll be a different experience, and we are a small few left but we are mighty.

just be aware of the problems within the source and within the fandom, and you should be good. know that it does have a disappointing end, but you can make up your own ending, or search, find, and connect with others through the ending they came up with.

being in the fandom doesn't mean you're supporting anyone. don't feel bad or embarrassed about liking the dsmp.

to the people who have and do feel like they've been hurt by it, and to the people that feel like they wasted their childhood, time, snd energy on it, I'm sorry, and you're valid to feel how you feel. I hope you've been able to move on to better and happier things.

I love the dsmp, and I don't see that changing, or me regretting it. If i could share my love of it with you i would. So don't be afraid to give it a chance, hey, you can always change your mind.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

ahdflksjaklf;jsls ok buddies - I hate talking about 14x13: Lebanon, but it has relevancy in the “John Winchester is a villain and cannot and should not be redeemed” discourse as well as being a crucial piece of finale denialist lore so I Have Been Thinking About It Too Much.

As you may recall, the Occult Object of the Week - the pearl - in Lebanon is supposed to grant Dean’s “heart’s desire.” Dean and Sam are Very Sure this means expelling Michael (the Dean Winchester Must Be Saved installment of season 14) (honestly that premise always seemed a little slim to me, I was hoping for Dean’s heart’s desire to be Cas, on Dean’s car, naked, covered in bees). 

Instead they summon Dad of the Year, which at first feels infuriating.  However after discussion with my earworms, I Have Fixed It (and also turned it into a grenade to launch at 15x20.)

Finale denialists and John Winchester derogatorians ASSEMBLE! and let’s discuss after the cut.

I’ve written in depth about Dean’s struggles with the cycle of abuse, so I won’t go too far into it here, but if you want to revisit any of that meta this is a good place to begin.  This post hinges on the same theory - that Dean’s true freedom is established in his release from that cycle - that is the logical outcome of any hero’s journey for him, and where he would finally be able to accept happiness and love.  This logically would also make release from the cycle of abuse and the feelings of self-hatred Dean struggles with his “heart’s desire” for purposes of the pearl.  When it comes to emotions, we also know Dean doesn’t deal with them well.  He punches things instead.  So odds are, Dean hasn’t really worked through these feelings.  

Dean also mentions when John returns that “it was what [Dean] wanted since he was 4″ - when they lost Mary, right before John became obsessed with revenge.  Season 12 Mary canonically remembers John as a “good dad,” so we can draw a line from that to the abuse really starting shortly after her death.  This is also corroborated by Dean himself:

DEAN: You know when you died, it changed Dad. 

(A visual of the John Mary remembers) (just my excuse to put pictures of Matt Cohen on your dash) (I shouldn’t need an excuse) (Matt Cohen hi you are on Tumblr please don’t read any of this I’m embarrassed).

So what Dean has is pre-Mary’s-death John and post-Mary’s-death John, post-Mary’s-death John being the one whose abuse created Dean’s own damaged persona.  Dean thinks the fix is to stop things on the front end (he is ignoring any process-centered solution, he just wants it to never have happened, he is in denial that he has to work through this and just wants it to be erased, etc etc etc).  

***also keep in mind that going back in time to change things on the front end as a “fix it” is a storyline SPN repeats regularly***

***and it always ends up being impossible to do*** 

Ok so for Dean, his damage/anger/brutal nature/darkness is always linked to John, and this cycle “began” for Dean once their family was torn apart by Mary’s death.  So the fix is his “blood family” together.  That’s his heart’s desire in Lebanon because Dean hasn’t really worked through any of his emotions, and it’s his very Dean way of fixing it - “oh if my family gets put back together I will be put back together too.”

***speaking of quick fixes, I’d like to note that any case in SPN that is referred to as a “milk run”  inevitably becomes complicated and messy***

***continuing the thematics of there’s no such thing as a quick fix***

This is no different.  Stopping the cycle by simply erasing it from the narrative erases anything else that happened along the way during the journey.  It erases this Mary (who they know as a person by this point and not just the mom on a pedestal) 

and (most importantly) it erases this Cas (the episode specifically replaces Cas with one who Doesn’t Know Dean).

We Emphasize This Of Course In The Dialogue In Case You Missed It

DEAN Cas, you know us. ALTERNATE CAS I don’t know you.

***Simply erasing the origin of Dean’s trauma erases all of Dean’s growth.  It erases this family that Dean is so proud to tell John he has now. It erases everything he has already overcome despite how hard it was to achieve it.

So, John goes back.  In that way, the pearl does give Dean his heart’s desire - his realization that this is not about a quick fix, it is about the journey to the good, and all you gain and become along the way (kind of similar to “Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it" eh?).  it’s the process.  It’s every moment along the way.  It’s the people who help him get there.

And then he starts the healing journey by taking control of his own life, by owning his feelings instead of displacing the blame, by recognizing he is NOT guided solely by the actions of his father and this cycle:

DEAN

And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here’s the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I gotta be honest – I don’t know who that Dean Winchester is.

And the episode fucking ends with Cas, the Cas Who Knows Them coming into the bunker and asking them what happened, calling each of them by name just to emphasize again That He Knows Them, because Cas knowing Dean, and Cas being Dean’s family is the cornerstone of what Dean’s heart desires.

[CAS walks in from the door at the top of the stairs. SAM, DEAN and MARY walk out from the library to see him.]

CAS Mary, Sam, Dean. What happened?

So yeah, it took 14 damn seasons but Lebanon is where Dean realizes he can be defined by more than the acts of his father.  (That’s why it’s so terrifying for Dean when Chuck snatches back any control he gained in Season 15.  Because for Dean, Chuck is just John Winchester Controls My Every Action all over again, except he’s God which makes it even worse.) 

That’s also why the final blow to Chuck is not Dean killing him. 

The last stage in the journey that begins here with Dean’s “I’m good with who I am” - [I’m still bad and dark and damaged but I’m good with it]

is Dean’s “that’s not who I am.” [the most caring man on Earth; the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know]

Thats equally why 15x18 is so brilliant, 15x19 is at least acceptable, and 15x20 simply does. not. work.

Dean Winchester’s perfect heaven cannot possibly center on the blood family.  It does not have John Winchester and Mary, husband and wife, who took away his own free will.  It is THIS FAMILY.  The found family.  Cas and Jack and Sam and the Mary that was resurrected.  Dean’s entire character arc supports this journey, and to have it culminate in something that is so established in the season prior to this one as something Dean knows he no longer wants is maddening.

I’m even more mad now because I just remembered that the most prominent picture above Dying Sam’s bed was the blood family portrait from this episode; almost like they wanted us to remember this particular stupid lesson.  This show is so stupid when it could have been so so so very good.

***I want to say thanks again to all of you who read my spiraling if you got this far.  It’s therapeutic for me to do it, but it makes it all the better that people actually read it.  Seeing you in my notes MAKES my entire day****

[angelssdecay]

Why Xiao isn’t just some edgelord, an essay by yours truly (or: I need sleep)

Before you read!! 

This was mainly written because I kind of got tired of Xiao being labelled as ‘edgelord’ a lot of times and while I have nothing against it when it’s jokingly said (after all I call Childe a ‘clown’ all the time or Klee ‘Arson child’ haha, you get what I mean) I also feel like him getting meme’d as that leads to a lot of mischaracterization. I’m not here to attack anyone or anything!! Just sharing my personal thoughts about him influenced by his canon lore in game + headcanons I developed while writing fics for him. I hope you don’t mind my brainrot.

-            I suppose that a lot of Xiao’s characterization as an ‘edgelord’ comes from his wildly dark history and the way he expresses himself (like growling when he’s thinking about his past memories) that is quite different from other characters in Genshin when he’s not like this because he wants to but because he’s been shaped by his trauma that reaches wide into the past and the fact that he doesn’t belong in the human world   -��         he is stuck in the mortal world while having to defend it from otherworldly beings and forces that threaten to destroy the fragile balance between both worlds, and it’s a task he fulfils with pride because it was given to him by Rex Lapis, the god who saved him from his former master – 

-          an evil deity who had abused and used him and forced him to commit atrocities that still haunt him to this day; he never wanted to kill, he never wanted to have to take away someone’s dreams but he was helpless to resist and in the end he stained his hands with so much more blood than he ever wanted to   -          taking his trauma and the way he talks about it and labelling it as ‘edgy’ is plain disregarding towards the pain he went through in his early years when his innocence was stolen from him and then utterly destroyed until Rex Lapis saved him and gave him his life back, a duty he can be proud of and the chance to regain a bit of his former gentleness because that’s who he is deep inside: a kind and gentle soul that never wants to hurt anyone

  -          not to mention the trauma he experienced by having to watch the only family he ever had, the other Yakshas, perish one after another – whether it was because they were consumed by the darkness they fought and killed one another or because they died in battle – he wasn’t able to save any of them and while it’s never talked about in-game lore I doubt that their deaths didn’t leave a mark on him that lasts till today. To be heralded as the last Yaksha is surely not a title that Xiao is proud or happy about.   -          to get to his character trait of him usually keeping his sentences curt and to the point (like his good morning line ‘’We're wasting time. Let's go.’’) and him growling when he thinks about his sorrowful past that probably made people label him as edgy – does it really surprise anyone that he doesn’t talk like humans from Teyvat talk when he’s a) not human and b) has spent almost all of his life in solitude?   -          which would obviously lead to him being extremely used to dealing with emotions and humans; despite having such a kind and selfless heart (more to that later) but he’s just not used to conversing with humans - mainly because Adepti need to keep their distance from humans lest their adeptal energy will harm them   -          when Xiao kept his distance from humans all these years, it was for their own good (something he says during the first meeting with the traveller and something I think he firmly believes in because past encounters with humans never went well for them and again, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone and certainly not humans)   -          and while he’s gotten used to living in solitude I don’t think he actually enjoys having to live like this – he’s incredibly lonely and suffers from it - and just like every living being he longs to have someone to talk to and who understands him, even appreciates him although this is something he wouldn’t dare to wish for because it’s something that can’t be fulfilled (Lumine: sikes you thought you can stay alone forever, yeah too bad for you I’m here for you now)   -          it was stated in the article about Xiao and his creation process how curious he is about the human world despite trying to hide it from others (and himself too because longing for something you can’t have or take part in hurts like hell and god knows he’s experienced enough in his life) -  but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t yearn to experience those feelings of warmth and love that most humans as well   -          and when I say love I don’t necessarily mean romantic love although I don’t count it impossible for him (though it would take a long time for him to break down his own walls and find the courage to love and be hurt, and I think abrupt love confessions would frighten him because he simply never experienced it before – a life of bloodshed and battle certainly don’t help with understanding his own or other hearts)   -          no, what I mean are the different kinds of love he’s seen humans share with each other – a mother’s love when she puts her child to bed with a goodnight kiss, a friend’s platonic love when they hug their friend who’s sad or simply out of joy – it’s all things he never got to experience for himself but secretly longs to experience as well (fight me on that because I’ll die on that hill)   -          and this also leads to me firmly believing that he doesn’t hate humans no matter how often he ‘mocks’ traditions and customs – it’s mainly to hide his own curiosity and longing to join them knowing that he doesn’t belong with humans. But he certainly doesn’t hate them no matter his words because you can’t guard and protect someone without loving and caring for them. If he truly despised humans he would have never risked his life and soul for as long as he has to protect them.   -          and he knows that he will never receive any gratitude for the suffering he endures, nor that anyone will pray to him, or even pray for him to come home from battle safely – all he has left by now is himself and his duty he proudly continues to fulfil to honour his fallen comrades and his contract with Zhongli – and yet he keeps fighting such a thankless and seemingly endless battle without any complaints or lamenting his cruel fate; if that isn’t kindness then I really don’t know anymore �� -          not to mention that if he truly was an ‘edgelord’ he’d be lamenting his cruel fate or curse at everything for forcing him to live such a life devoid of any warmth and joy – but he doesn’t. Because no one survives thousands of years with a heart full of hatred and no one understands that better than him who has fought against the lingering wrath and hatred of fallen gods.   -          and while Xiao himself doesn’t believe that he is kind (after all both his hands and soul are stained by blood, he’s nothing more but a weapon or so he would say if someone told him he’s kind) it’s his selfless and devoted nature and his love for the simple things in life – a nice dish of Almond Tofu, flowers, the soft tunes of a flute - that make him such a gentle soul – he just doesn’t realize nor acknowledges that part of himself   -          so if someone loves him they have to love all the cracks in his soul and try to pour their light into them, be patient with him because it will take him a very long time to get used to all these feelings, to the reassurance that he is loved and also deserves to be loved, after all this is so foreign to him and very likely to frighten him but in return he will love unconditionally and be forever loyal as he is loyal to the land he continues to protect 

...and what more could anyone ask for, right?

[ajaxwrites]

Genshin Impact Fanfic Rec List

(because this is my most current obsession~~)

The Narwhal of Dihua Marsh by GreyLiliy

Childe hears of a strong Adeptus living at the Wangshu Inn. Despite warnings from Zhongli that fighting Xiao would be a deathly mistake, Childe seeks out the Adeptus living in the Dihua Marsh eager for a proper fight.

However, Childe severely underestimates his opponent, and the consequences of his actions may keep him from returning home to Snezhnaya.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: This fic is interesting primarily because it's not necessarily what you would call an easy story to read. The content can surprisingly get quite heavy as the relationship between Childe and Zhongli isn't healthy and it becomes increasingly obvious as the story progresses. You swing between wanting to separate the two and also desperately wishing that they'll work out because there is something there. The story snowballs from what seems like an innocuous, if stupid and rash, decision on Childe's part to a complicated mess that you can’t help but be enthralled in. I went in expecting your typical romance and ended up in something that was more complex than I expected but also beautifully thought provoking.

Entirely Out of Spite by Bgtea

"Welcome to a new user experience! You have triggered this interface with the keywords, ‘Stupid game! Stupid devs! I want my f*****g money back!’ You are now bound to the character Tartaglia, the Eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, codename: Childe! We hope you have an enjoyable user experience and we welcome you once again to Genshin Impact 2.0!”

Those are some of the first words Ajax, starving college student extraordinaire, has the misfortune of hearing upon waking up in a brave new world from what he's fairly sure is a very, very fatal accident involving water and a shit ton of electricity.

Okay, so he's not dead. That's good. But what's this about him being stuck playing the character Tartaglia? Tartaglia, as in the shitty, one-dimensional, cartoonish villain who met his untimely, gruesome death in the first act of the original game?

Fuck that noise. Like hell Ajax is going to share that fate.

And so begins one man's journey to unfuck himself.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Whenever this updates, I squeal. If you’re a fan of The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System or just transmigration/reincarnation plots in general, you’re going to love it. Bgtea does a beautiful job in balancing humor with the trauma that comes with the whole reincarnation plotline. The whole of it is beautiful written and watching Childe/Ajax interact with the other characters (and the perspective of those characters) is a delight! 

the sister by glassdrachma

The tragic and unexpected death of Zhongli-xiansheng of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor occurred to the sorrow of many and the deep skepticism of a few.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: glassdrachma has a gift for humor and romance. In short, Zhongli fakes his death for plot reasons and comes back as Jianlao, the bereaved twin sister. Shenanigans ensue, featuring overprotective Liyue-ians (?), chaotic gremlin Venti, and Kexing. Very light hearted, good for the soul.

The White Cicada Society by clementinesgulag

After his little brother is bundled back to Snezhnaya, Childe makes good on his promise to the traveller and takes the first boat out of Liyue Harbor. Any sense of homecoming lasts about as long as an uncooked steak in front of Xiangling, however, when his boat sinks, grounding him back in the mainland.

It's just as well, because the next morning, a body is found in the Northland Bank. A visit from a fellow Harbinger reveals a far more insidious plot than anything Childe could concoct with a god of the vortex and twenty minutes without supervision. The murders aren’t limited to the one Bank. They’ve been trailing down the Liyue border, getting closer and closer to the city. The Tsaritsa has a new mission for him: to figure out who, or what is targeting Fatui forces.

Against his best wishes, Childe is forced to see Zhongli again at the morgue. It becomes clear that he’s going to need a guide, and Childe resolves to quash his pride, and their differences to request his help to navigate Liyue and solve the case.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: A diamond in the rough that I slept on and then stumbled back to by accident. I had it marked for later on AO3 and forgot about it for like a good week to my utter self-disgust. It. Is. So. Damn. Good! The mystery is intriguing but I live for the realistic portrayal of the aftermath of the whole gnosis plotline. The betrayal, the bitterness, but ah, the sexual tension. The harbinger interactions in this fic make it gold though.

Lungs full of Roses by SecretlyACatLady

Childe had always assumed that he would die young. He had accepted that a long time ago, ever since he accepted the mantle of a Fatui Harbinger. However, he always thought that he would die in a glorious fight, his body broken but spirit relishing the strong opponent that had bested him. He was okay with that type of death.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Fate had decided to add one last insult to injury, because, here Childe was, dying because he had fallen in love with the ex-Geo Archon. The same Archon who seemed to have discarded him like an old toy ever since the Osial Incident. --- In which divine beings are cruel and a cursed Childe starts preparing for his inevitable death because no Archon could ever love a mortal.

…Right?

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: The fic that started it all for me, the one that sucked me into the fandom. This fic is heartbreaking. We always do love a hanahaki plotline but something about the way it frames the disease and the shame that comes with it...I highly recommend giving it a read. The angst is real I tell you.

The Bride of The Golden Dragon by Erika_Bee

“You’re to be sent on a special mission, Tartaglia.”

The young man’s eyes gleamed in interest. “How special?” He asked as he wiped the blood off his daggers.

His superior grinned. “Special enough to put your name in Snezhnaya’s history books.”

—

In which the Archon War ravaged the land of Liyue and to ensure the people’s survival, the God of Geo established the Harvester Contract: One bride per village, every year, in exchange for protection and a good harvest.

Or: Childe is sent on an undercover mission to kill the Geo Archon, but things don’t go as planned.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Don’t let the title scare you off--this isn’t one of those fics where they feminize one of the male characters and reduce their personality to a mindless submissive bobblehead to the point that I want to throw my laptop out of the window. Not that there’s anything wrong if you like that kind of thing, just not my cup of tea. This fic though---READ IT! There’s just something refreshing about the writing and the plot, the way that Childe’s character reads off the page. I live for the interactions between the characters and how the author has mapped the relationships. Warning that recent chapters have swerved decided into NSFW territory though.

the brothers grim by izabellwit

Left in an unfamiliar land with a mission he never wanted, a young Kaeya lies, survives, and somehow finds a family in the process.

Or: How Kaeya came to Dawn Winery, and why he left it. Includes lore, sibling bickering, found family struggles, and a more in-depth look at the years between Kaeya’s arrival and Crepus’s death.

Ships: N/A

Notes: Ahh, little Kaeya. Cheeky ass little shit that’s too angsty and adorable for his own good. I don’t have words for this fic. It makes my heart warm but also makes me want to weep because god, this fic covers exactly how traumatic Kaeya’s situation is and why child soldiers/spies just shouldn’t be. And the dynamic he has with Diluc and Crepus--do me a favor and read it. Screams found family.

the wind through the mountain tops by glassdrachma

Boredom brings Barbatos of Mondstadt to bother a certain ex-Archon of the Earth.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: A light-hearted, humorous and fluffy as hell piece. Short word is that Venti comes to Liyue for some fun, causes chaos, accidentally plays matchmaker, and steals some vegetables. A get-together fic for Childe and Zhongli that includes a surprisingly self-aware (if blunt and snarky) Zhongli and jealous Childe that gets increasingly flustered.

melt (speak or forever hold your peace) by anatakana

Falling into bed with Diluc was an unbelievably bad idea given their tumultuous shared history, but Kaeya’s impulsive urge to amuse himself knew no bounds.

It’s all fun and games until emotions got involved.

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: THIS IS NSFW. With plot though? This is THE FIC that got me shipping the two (though the game did a good job on its own). The angst is real here and we love the sheer gal of both of these two stupid men.

Cascading (In a good way) by Hubbleablubble

Kaeya is a fascinating annoyance.

(Or: A series of events in which Albedo gets to know Kaeya, and they slowly go from strangers to acquaintances to something more.)

Ships: Albedo/Kaeya

Notes: Sweet fic. Not my typical ship pairing. Loved the Khaenri’ah mentions. Kaeya is Trans FTM here though it’s only briefly mentioned. There is also an incomplete sequel (as of May 2021) featuring an Overprotective Big Brother Diluc on a warpath giving shovel talks to everyone except apparently Albedo that’s also worth reading.

The Language of Flowers by Jules (Penwyn)

Kaeya Alberich has made a habit of lying—after all, the only truths he’s ever spoken cost him everything—but there are only so many lies a man can tell before the truth comes spilling out.

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: Hanahaki! Except not! Basically, Kaeya pukes up flowers that say the truth whenever he lies. Cue, angst! Lovely and quick read--love Kaeya’s voice here.

i know i'm where i'm meant to go by paperclips (pastel_paperclips)

"Childe," Zhongli says suddenly. "I am enjoying myself greatly."

Childe’s face breaks into a grin. "Then-"

Zhongli gasps, grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to an unsuspecting peddler with a cart full of rocks. "Is that an intrusive igneous pegmatite formed in the Inazuma regions?"

Childe’s grin smooths into a small, adoring smile. He has all the time in the world to figure the other man out.

OR: Finding the Geo Archon is on Childe's to-do list but hanging out with Zhongli is significantly more fun.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Childe, you idiot. Humorous and funny, very light hearted. Makes you wonder if Childe has an IQ. He’s too busy pining/lovesick to realize that he told his target that he’s going to kill him for his gnosis. Zhongli and Liyue remain confused on how Childe still DOES NOT get it but half-ass hiding his Archon status anyway.

the bird without wings by Anonymous

"Kaeya!" someone yells. Small arms wrap around his waist tightly, red hair spilling out of the ponytail, and Kaeya's heart almost stops.

He's talked his way out of all types of situations. From placating international disputes to buttering up his informants, he's always had a quick response to everything.

But for once, Kaeya is speechless. He stares down at the boy with puffy cheeks, slightly crooked teeth and sparkling bright eyes.

Eight year old Diluc beams back.

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: Diluc gets de-aged and Kaeya gets angsty. The interactions between the two are heartwarming and will induce tears. Childe makes a brief appearence that *chef’s kiss*

call me "lover boy" by Anonymous

Zhongli turns back, eyes bright with amusement, a stray lilypad still stuck in his hair, and Childe thinks, wow. I want to kiss him stupid.

Childe's not into the whole "swooning maiden patiently waiting for his beloved to swoop down and smooch the daylights out of him" thing. Nah, that's not his style. He's Tartaglia, eleventh of the Fatui harbingers, and he's going to kiss Zhongli right now.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: FUNNY AS HELL. Childe is straight up just trying to plant one on Zhongli but fate and people just keep interfering. It’s a weird trope aversion where the character is actively trying to confess rather than avoiding it but life gets in the way. 

springtime in snezh-nya-ya by miaomaomei

Tartaglia’s body moves before he can even think about it. He arches his back and flattens his ears against his head, baring his teeth in a hiss. Considering he barely even reaches Scaramouche's knees — Scaramouche, of all people! The guy is practically the size of a fourteen-year-old — he doubts that he is cutting as imposing a figure as he hopes.

It isn't a surprise, though. No one could become a Fatui Harbinger if they were scared of a little cat.

OR

Tartaglia is turned into a cat and he goes to Zhongli for help. It goes about as well as expected.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: TOO ADORABLE FOR WORDS. This is just pure fluff I swear. Love how Childe is written and the interactions between the two are just ahhhh. A balm on the soul.

Melt by tanktrilby

“My name is Diluc,” he says. A scowl naturally furrows his brow, and Kaeya looks like he wants to laugh.

He’s looking at him through his lashes again, blue eyes teasing and warm. “Diluc,” he says. “A knight in overalls isn’t quite where I thought my preferences would lie, but here we are.”

(or: Kaeya loses his memories and makes some assumptions. Diluc can't honestly tell him that he's wrong.)

Ships: Diluc/Kaeya

Notes: As the summary says, Kaeya loses his memories. Diluc plays babysitter for plot reasons. Meanwhile, Kaeya freaks out and has an essential crisis because his instincts freak him out which = angst. Simultaneously, sort of love confessions? 

you are cordially invited by ktenologious

When the Traveler receives a mysterious invitation from a Snezhnayan businessman, they seek out help from the only Snezhnayan they are on good terms with. They decide it is a wonderful idea to go to this business party in the middle of the ocean because, well, what could be better entertainment than watching a Fatui Harbinger at work? It is too bad Childe couldn't come with them...

Meanwhile, the Tsaritsa needs someone to track down the source of a brand new drug at a party on a cruise; it just so happens that she has two Harbingers who specialize in causing chaos and sinking ships. Scaramouche is a sadist and loves this, and Tartaglia... Well, Tartaglia just wants to know why is he the one in the dress again.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe, sort of Diluc/Kaeya & Scaramouche/Childe

Notes: Features a crossdressing Childe and Kaeya for plot reasons. Funny as hell. Love Fatui dynamics/interactions. Highly recommend. Go read it. I’m serious. It’s so beautiful, I can’t. Also Zhongli is so love-sick and jealous, it’s hilarious.

The Road to Snezhnaya by paranoid_fridge

Everything's done and over. Now, Zhongli only needs to adjust to living like an ordinary mortal. Or that is what he thinks until a familiar face shows up in Liyue. Teucer comes looking for his brother who failed to return to Snezhnaya on the Fatui ships. And as Childe's declared "friend", Zhongli must help Teucer find him.

Or: Teucer drags Zhongli on a cross-country goose chase looking for Childe. Zhongli just happens to find a bit more along the way.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: I have no words for this fic outside of the fact that it is clear that Teucer has the only functioning brain and should be Best Man because he obviously did all the work here. Features an oblivious Childe and overprotective Zhongli, plus bystander Kaeya that is getting allll of the gossip. And also the most destructive group of children ever.

basket of knives by oronine

“I just want to be loved,” Childe says to himself, to whoever is listening. “Is that too much to ask?”

They are on the roof once more, this time Childe’s foot touches the edge of the building as he daydreams of something that cannot be. The sky is blank and cloudy and perhaps Lumine fears it’ll all end when he takes a step.

“Not at all,” she says. It’s still the truth.

Contrary to popular belief, Childe hates his family but loves them all the same.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: TW for suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, self-harm, depression, etc. Not a light read by any definition. Set in a modern AU, not in the genshin impact universe. Features a Childe that is Not Okay, good friend but also probably traumatized friend Lumine (and her brother Aether), and Zhongli. Family dynamic is messed up as hell and explores mental health quite well in my opinion. I’m not sure how healthy necessarily Childe’s relationships are but I think that’s a given considering the context and how derailed his mental health is in this fic. Definitely angst as heavy, made me tear up quite a bit. Read, but pay attention to the content/trigger warnings as it does get quite explicit.

Bane of All Evil by tzitzimeme

When Chongyun unintentionally offends Liyue's second most powerful adepti, he vows to mend the thorny relationship between Adeptus Xiao and human exorcists-- even though no one has succeeded in currying Xiao's favor for over a thousand years.

His best friend Xingqiu offers to come alone, mainly because he's worried about what kind of trouble Chongyun will run into. Along the way, they receive help from others: Xiangling packs them meals for their journeys, while Zhongli gives them advice on what demons to track.

Childe is just there because he thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

Ships: Chongyun/Xinqiu

Notes: JFKLFJS I LOVE THIS. I love Chongyun’s characterization and the interaction between all the characters. The dynamic between Chongyun, Xingqiu, and Xiangling are to die for. Also, this line: “Stuck-up Persnickety Bastard.” Random note but Xiao throws Chongyun off a balcony yet is also 100% a softie.

Talks about Nothing by tzitzimeme

In which Zhongli unlocks the Memory of Dust, only to find out:

1. Guizhong is 100% alive (just disembodied) within it, 2. Guizhong has been watching over him this whole time, and 3. Guizhong is very excited by the prospect of Zhongli getting a cute Snezhnayan boyfriend.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe, Venti/Xiao

Notes: The pure judgment that Guizhong unleashes on Zhongli (as well as her sass in general) is pure comedic gold. The dynamic between Xiao and Venti are also adorable. Meanwhile, Childe misunderstands and also just wants to know what the fuck is going on.

xi wangmu by tzitzimeme

Xiangling scales entire mountains to satisfy the palettes of her two pickiest customers.

(Or, two men who are emotionally stunted by their own immortality inadvertantly turn an overly enthusiastic chef into their messenger pigeon.)

Ships: Zhongli/Xiao (?)

Notes: Not sure if it reads romantic exactly, can definitely be read as platonic. The fic boils down to Xiangling trying to expose Xiao to variety because just eating plain almond tofu is a no no. Zhongli gives advice/uses Xiangling as a messenger pigeon. Backstory is explored!

Falling (Fallen) by asinglecrow

It’s only when Childe finds himself in front of Zhongli, a spear protruding from his stomach, that he thinks oh I might have fucked up.

Or: The worst (best) day of Childe's life.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Funny and lighthearted! Gets sort of NSFW with passing mention of mpreg but otherwise, it’s just pure humor/fluff. Get-together fic featuring deadpan dragon Zhongli and Childe that is just done with everything. 

the louvre by morisuke

Here in Liyue, the air is filled with the ocean, and the sun shines through the mountains like it’s flowing through a crack in the sky. Here in Liyue, there is a man with no wallet at a vending machine that is going to waste the rest of his day showing a stranger around their school campus for a pocket sized can of iced coffee.

It’s interesting here in Liyue, Childe thinks.

or

Where Childe flirts with a stranger at a campus vending machine.

Ships: Zhongli/Childe

Notes: Set in a modern/college AU. This is a relatively quiet, soft kind of story. Childe comes to Liyue because reasons and falls in love quietly. It’s more of a snippet of life type of fic that’s sweet and peaceful. Love the change that comes over Childe as he finds a home.

[amazingphilza]

DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?��� but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

[dumbbitchenergy17]

I’m Sorry (Part 4)

Summary- You are Michael’s vessel as you are Dean’s kid and letting him use you instead of your dad.

Dean x Daughter!Reader

Word count- 3862

Masterlist

It was an abandoned church people were hanging from chains, some crying others passed out from their wounds one man slowly bleeds in a goblet bound to a chair. Footsteps approach Michael healing a cut on the man bleeding Michael takes the goblet that is now full of blood and nods approvingly.

“A little of this… a little of that.” He pours some angel grace in and swirls it as it dissolves, “and," Michael forces the man’s mouth open and pours the blood down his throat. 

“Yes, good boy.” The man begins to choke and gasp before the vessel burns out. 

Michael frowns, “Hmm. Too much ‘that’. How disappointing.” He grabs the corpse and drags him over to a pile. All failed attempts bodies piled up with burned-out eyes and blood pouring from it. Looking over the line of people in chains he spins his knife

“Alright. Who’s next?”

In the bunker, Mary and Bobby look over weapons “Who goes to Duluth in October. Sure Michael didn’t touch down in Orlando?” Bobby says check over a handgun

Mary looks over at him “Jo was pretty specific. Duluth.”

Bobby sighs ”Yeah, well, angels ain’t exactly known for their veracity.” Mary clears her throat and looks behind Bobby, as Cas enters “No offense.” 

Cas nods ”None taken. I tend to agree with you.” Mary clicks the barrel back in handing it over to Sam who sits with his laptop. “Here you go.”

Sam nods scrolling through the police reports “Thanks” Footsteps cause every to look over at who entered and it was Dean holding a beer

“Hey Dean how are you.” Mary greets him everyone walking on eggshells.

“I’m fine do we have anything.” Dean sits across from Sam taking a sip.

“Uh yeah, so I’ve been searching through police reports in Duluth. Cops just turned up a pile of corpses that was dumped near some train tracks just north of town and their eyes were burnt out.” Sam explains tilting the screen toward everyone else.

“So Michael. We should go now.” Sam glanced over at Cas 

“No. This isn’t just Michael we’re talking about.” 

“It’s Y/n,” Dean stated

Sam nodded “Yeah. Cas, you know why you can’t come with us, right?”

Cas looked down upset he couldn’t help “My angelic presence would be sensed by Michael, thereby nullifying your hopes of a sneak attack.”

Sam gave him a pity smile “Yeah, sorry.”

“And, you need me to stay here and babysit Nick and Jack.” Cas frowns putting his hands in his coat.

“It’s not babysitting, Cas,” Dean responded sipping his beer.

Cas look over at Dean and frowned “Only in the sense that they’re not infants, but they both have to be supervised. Jack is lost without his grace, Nick is...he’s just a mess.”

“Well, it-it’s not his fault. Cas, Nick was housing, you know. He-he deserves a shot at rebuilding his life.” Sam defended Nick even though he did house Lucifer. 

“And yet every time I look at him, all I can see is the supreme agent of evil.” Cas retorted but frowns seeing Jack walk in feeling bad talking about a touchy-subject

“You’re talking about my dad again? Look, I understand. Being around Nick...it’s hard for me, too.” Jack says

Mary comes over placing a hand on his shoulder “Uh, Jack, we’re going to need you to sit this mission out. Not a permanent thing.” Jack nods

“I know last time, I sucked when it mattered, and I need to improve. So...that’s what I’m gonna do.” Sam stands up grabbing his gun

“Alright. Okay.” Sam looks over his family and rests on his brother who nods in return

“Let’s move.” When they arrived at the station they were taking into the morgue where multiple people laid on tables.

“These are just some of the victims. More are in the hall, a couple in a storeroom,” The coroner grimaced “we don’t usually see this kind of action in Duluth.”

Mary glanced over the other bodies “The injuries all pretty uniform?” The Coroner nodded handing Mary over a clipboard 

”Yep. The boys upstairs think maybe we’re looking at a spree killer.”

“If they were DOA, you have an ETA on TOD? Any sample DFA?” Bobby questioned, Sam quickly clears his throat, “DNA.”

The woman glanced at him and shook her head. “Uh, frankly we don’t even know the precise cause of death. I mean, there were the neck wounds of course, but there was also considerable internal trauma, so-” her phone goes off “Excuse me.” She gives a smile walking out.

“Yeah. Sure,” Dean nods and looking over at Bobby “DFA.” he smirked

“I’ve been fighting a friggin’ apocalypse for 15 years, my, FBI might be a little rusty.” Bobby countered.

Mary grabbed gloves “Let’s give them a quick once-over, see what they missed.” The brothers and Bobby pulled on gloves as well each going over to a body studying it.

“Angel kills for sure, and not grunts,” Bobby look at the distinctive burned eyes, “We’re talking 5-star smitings.”

“Knife slits in the throat, but it doesn’t appear they bled out.” Dean pointed out leaning the head back pointing to the scar.

“He kept these people alive for a while.” Mary said looking at the others Sam opens the mouth of one of the corpses 

“Maybe these people aren’t people. Looking at a vamp.” He presses against the gums fangs popping out.

“Same here.” Bobby said, “Me too.” Mary added.

“Why milk ‘em if he’s just gonna smite ‘em?” Bobby questioned. Dean glance at Sam “And why is an archangel hunting vampires in the first place?”

Sam went over to the Coroner’s office and knocked on the doorframe “Sorry. Excuse me. Um, did anyone come to claim or identify these bodies?”

The women nodded “Oh, yeah. A young lady. Said she heard about the killings on the morning news, thought she might know one of the victims.”

Dean leaned forward “And?”

She shook her head “She didn’t. Then she disappeared, never even gave us her last name.” Sam glances outside to the parking lot 

“Huh. Do you happen to have surveillance cameras outside?”

Back at the bunker, Jack is seated at the table in the main hall reading when Cas enters. “Looks like about...two centuries of biblical lore. Light reading.”

Jack looked up at the angel ”I’m researching how long it takes archangel grace to replenish.”

Cas sits next to Jack “Well, archangels being exceedingly rare, the data on that is woefully scant.” Jack points at a section “The books say it can take from a month to-”

“A century,” Cas cuts him off, “Yeah. Complicating factor being your human component, which slows the process,” He pauses, “Jack, um...mourning what you’ve lost...it’s wasteful. Might be smarter to focus on what you still have.”

“You don’t understand what I’m going through.” Jack frowned feeling dejected. 

Cas placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder “Yes, I do - a little. At the time of the Great Fall, when angels were banished from heaven, I lost what I thought was everything. I had no grace, I had no wings. I felt hopeless and useless.”

Jack looked up at the man he sees as a father-figure “What did you have left?” 

“Well, uh...well, I had Sam, Dean, and Y/n. But I had something else that was extremely helpful. I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh...as Dean would say, without all the bells and whistles. You know, Sam and Dean, they weren’t born with their expertise. They’ve been at it since they were children. Failing, winning, developing over the years. And Dean had no idea how to raise a kid and Y/n is one of the smartest, bravest, human I have ever met. Patience, persistence - those are skills too. The past, where you come from, that’s important, but it is not as important as the future and where you’re going.” Cas explained thinking of all the times the brothers and he has gone through hell and back and helping Dean raising a child was one of the greatest accomplishments in his time on earth.

In a hotel, Michael looks at himself in the mirror smoothing out the wrinkles in the suit fixing the buttons. His reflection in the mirror changes from Michael to the Winchester daughter

“Get...Out.” She breathed out angrily.

“I don’t think so.” Michael smiles staring back at the girl in the mirror

“You can’t.” She cried

The archangel grins “Oh, but I can. Because see,” Michael punches the mirror, and Y/n is gone he smirks smoothing out his vessel’s hair,

“I own you. So hang on, and enjoy the ride.”

In a cheap apartment in Duluth, a young woman lies in her bed but is interrupted by pounding on the door.

“Yes?” She calls out.

“Lydia Crawford, this is the FBI. Open up.” Sam call out Lydia looks terrified and tries running for the window while Sam keeps pounding on the door

“Open up!” Sam yells again. Dean breaks down the door and rushes in gun drawn with Sam right behind him, with Mary and Bobby following.

“Hey! Stop!” Dean yelled.

“Get away from me!” She cries trying to put as much distance between her and the Winchesters.

“Don’t move. We know who you are. We know you went to the morgue.” Sam threatened his gun pointed at her.

“We saw your license plate on the security cams and pulled your address. You should’ve ditched the car when you first got turned. Made this way too easy.” Bobby commented Lydia look at the four of them

”You’re not FBI. You’re hunters.”

“That’s right.” Dean nodded and begins to pull out a knife

”I haven’t done anything wrong!” Lydia exclaimed.

“No, vampires never do.” Bobby replied sarcastically

“My nest, we - we fed on animal blood,” Sam paused and lowering his gun and Dean lowered the knife, “We lived quiet lives, until...until she came.” Lydia explained still shaken from the incident.

“She? She who?” Sam asked

Lydia shook her head “I don’t know her name, but...she was strong. She tied all of us up and one by one she’d take blood from us. I couldn’t see what she was doing, exactly, but every time there would be this explosion, and my friends would be dead. When she was coming for me, a couple of the others tried to att- tried to attack her. I was able to get away, but...they didn’t make it.” She started tearing up at the memory.

“Why was she killing you? Did she say?” Sam questioned

“I don’t think she meant to. It-it’s just that...things seemed to go wrong. She wasn’t killing, it was like...it was like she was experimenting.” Lydia said 

“Experimenting? What for?” Dean asked Lydia frowned

“That’s - that’s all I know.”

“Okay,” Bobby nods grabbing his own blade, and advances to Lydia, “Nice chattin’ with ya.”

Lydia presses herself further into the wall holding her hands up ”Wait! Wait! I-I don’t know what she wanted, I-I don’t know who she was, but I do know where she is. If - if you let me go.” Dean and Sam look at each other having a silent conversation.

The door opens in and in walks Michael and a woman.

“Thank you. Oooh, Very elegant. But then, so are you. I didn’t expect you to be interested in this side of the spectrum.” She giggles

Michael chuckled leading her into the room “Yeah… Thanks for showing me around,” He uncorks some wine and pours them both a glass, “I didn’t realize there was so much going on in...where are we again?”

“Duluth.” She answered taking a sip of her wine.

Michael nodded “Of course. Nothing like where I’m from.”

The woman hummed “What’s it like in your hometown?”

“Hmm. Empty. Windswept. Dead bodies lying around.” Michael shrugged taking a sip of his drink. 

She chuckled “You’re so funny. What a nice surprise, meeting you. I bet you were wondering what I was doing, all by myself in that bar tonight.”

Michael smirked “I’m pretty sure I know exactly what you were doing in that bar tonight.”

The woman smiled setting her glass down “Oh, Michael. I am so not that girl.” she walked closer to Michael

“But you really are, aren’t you?” The woman wrapped her arms arounds around her neck

“You’re terrible.” She sighed. His vessel smiled showing off a dazzling smile

“You have no idea.” The woman giggled moving her face closer to the young Winchester and her eyes flash green and her teeth come out ready to bite what should have been an unsuspected victim. Michael grabs her by the throat as his vessel’s eyes glow blue.

“Did you honestly think I didn’t know what you are?” Michael lifts her off the floor choking her as she trashes in his arms, “You think you picked me? I picked you.” Michael throws her across the room and turns over to take a sip of wine and turns back to her still on the floor.

“Now, summon your master.”

Still in Michael’s room he hands a glass to a man seated next to the woman from earlier.

“You first.” The man points to his glass.

“One hundred-year-old cognac. Strong notes of vanilla and apricot,” He takes a sip, “and zero notes of silver.” The man also drinks “I appreciate you accepting my invitation.” Michael crosses one of his knees over the other.

“Yes, well, the ever-tactful Melanie,” he nods over to the woman, “thought a refusal might be unwise. She thinks you’re a god.” 

Both of them chuckle “An archangel with a decent vessel. But close.”

The man nods “And I’m the leader of a werewolf pack. Why on earth would an archangel care about us? About me?”

Michael smiles swirling his drink “I admire you. Eating on the run, surviving, despite being stalked by those venal humans, who think of you as nothing but vermin.”

The man leaned forward “My pack has survived and prospered for centuries, despite the humans.”

“Yes, well, I’m new to town, and from my perspective, the real monsters of this world, the ones that cheat, cover, lay waste to this planet, are the humans. Who made them top dog? Pardon the pun.” Michael explained taking a drink of the cognac.

“God, I suppose.” He questioned

“God who? Between us, Phillipe, God’s on permanent vacation. Gone fishing. Demons and angels don’t seem to be much of a factor here, so, I’m in charge.” Michael smiled leaning back in the couch

“And what do you want from me?” The man we know as Phillipe asks.

“You and your kind, you are who you are. You kill, but not for sport, for trophies - to live. There’s a purity in that. Isn’t it time you had your due?” Michael explained waving his hand towards Phillipe.

Phillipe frowned confused “Our due?”

“There are ways to enhance your - let’s call them ‘talents’.” Michael points out. 

“And these ways are..” Phillipe waves his hand hoping he would explain.

“Fully tested. There were some misfires early, I will admit to that. But I have cracked the code.” Michael explains clapping his hands together.

“And now what? Do you propose we wage a way on the humans, keeping only as many of them alive as we need for slave labor and a steady food supply?” Phillipe laughs “Because I love that world, but believe me, it’s an absurd dream.” 

Michael smirks “Is it? Why be the hunt-'ed’, when you can be the hunt-'er’, hmm?” He smiles watching his plan slowly come together.

After Sam and the others had left with the information on Michael, Lydia rushed around her apartment frantically packing her stuff to leave. The sound of someone appearing and as she turns to grab another handful Michael is sitting at her table.

“Lydia..” Michael singsong. She freezes the items in her hands falling.

“I didn’t!”  Lydia defended

“Of course you did.” He laughed at her attempt to lie. “The hunters,” Michael stands up, “Why do you think I dumped your brothers and sisters in plain sight? Why do you think I let you escape?” He points at her watching her face fall.

“You let me escape?” She whimpered

“Rule number one: you can’t have a trap without bait,” He smirks walking past her, “That brings us to rule number two, which says once the trap has been sprung, you don’t need the bait anymore.” Michael’s eyes glow blue and Lydia scream as she is burned out. Her body hits the ground and Michael turns looking at it before leaving.

Back in the bunker Jack turns the corners of one of the halls with Cas following him

“Jack, what were you thinking. Taking that kind of risk?” Cas scolded him

“It wasn’t a risk.” Jack disagreed

“To-to go out there alone?” Cas sputtered “Jack, you have been on the radar of every angel and demon and power broker in creation since the day you were born and I’m sorry, but you’re not exactly yourself.” Cas followed Jack as they entered the war room and Jack turned around

“Weak and defenseless, you mean.” He stated

“I mean that the possibility of capture is real, yes.” Cas explained

“I heard what you were saying, Cas, about me finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Jack confessed

“That is not-” Cas visibly reins in his frustration, “Well, did it help?” Cas sighed and Jack nodded “And you didn’t tell them who you were, did you?” Cas questioned

“Of course not.” Jack deadpanned “I...wanted to. I wanted to tell them I was their grandson. They thought I actually kinda looked like her?” Cas nods in agreement Jack smiles but it fades as he sits against the steps to the library, “I...couldn’t tell them that she died. They just love her so much. I know I should have.”

”What you did you did from a place of kindness. I suppose there are worse ways to be human than to be kind.” Cas reassured the Nephilim sitting across from him

“Have you heard from Sam and Dean? Did they find Michael?” Jack asked 

“Yeah, they think so.” He nodded

“So they’re going to try to kill him?” Jack stated Cas shook his head

“Uh, no. No, the plan is to subdue him using angel cuffs and spellwork. They have to get Michael out of Y/n.”

“And if he doesn’t leave?” Jack noted

“Then they’ll try to drive him out.” Cas responded.

“And if that doesn’t work?” Jack said getting upset

“Jack-” Cas started

“Cas, Michael has to be stopped.” Jack cuts him off

“I know, and he will be - after Y/n is-” Cas tries to reason with him

“No, Y/n doesn’t matter” shot Jack, “You’re all so focused on trying to save Y/n and I get it, I understand, but - if she can’t be saved, if it comes down to her or Michael - Michael has to be stopped. Caged, or killed-”

“And if that means that Y/n dies too?” Cas shouts

“Then Y/n dies.” Jack snaps, “I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Y/n has to die, then…” Jack and Cas both start at each other, “Do you think she’d want it any other way?” Jack stands up and walks away leaving Cas there with a choice.

Back in Duluth Sam, Dean, Mary, and Bobby enter the abandoned church Lydia told them.

“You think vamp-girl was lyin’ about Michael hanging out here?” Bobby asked looking around the place.

“Not sure why she would. I mean she has every reason to want him dead.” Dean states aiming his flashlight over in some dark corners

“She wasn’t lying about the slaughter happening here,” Mary called out her flashlight pointing to a stain on the floor, “whole lot of dried blood on the floor.” 

Sam walked further into the church “Why was he killing them? And what does she mean by ‘experimenting’?” He questioned.

Bobby shrugged “Don’t look like he’s here.” The stained glass windows shatter sending glass flying as werewolves break through them. “Werewolves!” Bobby yells and is then tackled by one.

Sam fires his gun at one coming towards Dean and it has no effect. “Silver bullets aren’t working! Nothing’s working!” He yells. 

Dean punches one of the werewolves “Son of a bitch!” Dean yells and is tackled by another and smashed into a bean. Mary is struggling against another as they both fall to the ground. A werewolves tries to go for Sam but he grabs his machete and decapitates one

“Well, that works.” Bobby yells and is punched by a werewolf. Dean pushes the one of him grabbing his machete and chops one of the heads off, Mary stabs the werewolf with one of her knifes but it has no effect and is shoved to the ground. Mary grab the small hatchet and began to chop at the werewolf before is falls to the ground. Bobby is pushed to the ground and before he is attacked Mary throws the hatchet into the werewolf’s back and Bobby decapitates it. Mary hears growling and turns and sees another werewolf but Dean decapitates it just as Sam kills the last one.

“Is everybody okay? Anyone get bit?” Sam pants out

“No.” Mary replies.

“I’m okay.” Bobby answers all of them grouping up again

“What the hell kind of werewolves were those?” Dean asked wiping the blood of his blade.

“Silver didn’t touch them.” Mary added Sam sighed all of them out of breath from these new monsters. A loud bang causes everyone to look towards the door as it opens revealing Michael, backlit in red light.

“Oh god.” Mary breathes out He slowly walks towards them raising his hand. Which she uses to grab a post and staggers into the light breathing heavily removing her cap as she does.

“Dad. It’s me.” You breathe out your voice shaking. Dean stares back at you tearing up. Dean rushes towards you as you knees give out and helps you sit down. Sam is sitting next to you with Dean in front of you.

“Y/n is it really you?” Dean asked looking over you

“Yeah, it’s really me.” You answer your hands are shaking trying to understand what was going on.

“Are-are you okay?” Sam questioned

“No, I’m not okay!” You yelled putting your face in your hands. Dean placed his hand on your knee making you look up at him.

“But you got Michael to leave.” Dean tried to reassure you that everything was ok.

But you shook your head. “No, I-I don’t...I didn’t.” You stated.

“What?” Bobby questioned looking at the younger Winchester. 

You look at your dad in fear, “He just - he just left.”

Dean squeezed your hands “Why?”

“I don’t know…” You shuddered, “I don’t know.”

[technospotatoes]

C!SAM - Redeemable Qualities Analysis (Dream SMP)

Hallo! I’m back with another brain rot post for ya’ll instead of doing my schoolwork :] 

Recently, I’ve been doing some thinking and theorizing with some friends on discord following Quackity’s huge lore stream (if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you watch it). I woke up this morning with a head full of many thoughts about C!Awesamdude and where his story could take us. Seeing as how there is going to be lots of change in the future with the server, there must be changes in these characters as well-- evil to good, good to evil, and the like. With these changes comes my thought: “can these characters be redeemed?” Here are my thoughts on how this applies to C!Sam.

Please let me know your thoughts and theories, I’d love to discuss with you! As always, strap in, it’s gonna be a long one :]

I hope you enjoy!

Author’s note: I want to start this off by saying that all of the contents being discussed are fictional, and are from the Dream SMP universe. I do not support the actions of these characters, but merely have interest in analyzing them through a lens of psychology and for entertainment purposes. Content of this post will contain spoilers up to 3/25/21 of the DSMP lore. I will also talk about ATLA a little bit ;)

Content warning: mentions of torture, manipulation, death, possible psychological trauma

(pls be safe ily)

What makes a redeemable character? 

  Redeemable characters are some of the most pleasing and favored characters in modern media. Their stories are rich with emotion, and they can even evoke some form of catharsis within the most skeptic consumers. Redeemable characters are memorable and inspiring, and without one, a story can feel empty. Before we apply this character trope to the Dream SMP and C!Sam, we need to answer a basic question in order to fully understand the complexity of redeemable characters and how they are so universally significant. 

What is a redeemable character?

  Simply put, a redeeming character or characteristic counteracts or corrects something negative. From a storytelling standpoint, a redeemable character is someone who has roots in good qualities, turns bad, and has the ability to revert their wrong choices to become a better person. 

Examples of redeemed characters in popular media include: 

Zuko - Avatar the Last Airbender

Boromir - Lord of the Rings

Kylo Ren - Star Wars

Severus Snape - Harry Potter 

  Zuko, for example, starts his story off as the villain. He tirelessly hunts down the protagonist, and will stop at nothing to achieve his goal to please his father. However, as the show progresses, we learn that Zuko wasn’t always bad. He was only driven to his path of villainy because of his fear of failure, of his father (the firelord and true antagonist of the show), and of a greater punishment than what he had already received. With the help of his uncle, Zuko learned to push through and accept his past, while also making amends with his wrongs and coming to the realization of who the true enemy was; ultimately choosing peace and unity over destruction and fear.    Zuko’s story is so appealing because it was drawn out. It was raw, it was real, and it was a genuine telling of how damaged people can heal, change, and come to accept themselves. Because he went through the process of redemption, he was not only able to be loved by those around him, but also by his audience-- And I believe that this can be the same case with any redeemable character. 

So how does this relate to C!Sam? How could he possibly be redeemable if he is not evil?

  C!Sam has become increasingly interesting to me in the DSMP lore, and he has shown how complex his character is-- in contrast to many first impressions that people have of him. Based upon his actions from the past, and his willingness to remain neutral in times of conflict, we can conclude that he sustains both “neutral good” and “lawful neutral/good” qualities. This means that Sam is a reliable character, driven by his own personal values, and is devoted to helping others (when he sees fit). Evidence of these qualities emerge…

When he sided with Pogtopia during the Manberg War to maintain good relations with Tommy and Tubbo. 

When he saved Hannah from the Egg

Created Sam Nook to assist Tommy in building his hotel

Built Pandora’s Vault for Dream

Showed concern for Ranboo after one of his denied prison visits

  Sam’s moral code is deeply rooted with good intentions; he keeps an eye out for his friends, maintains his relationships, assists in builds/projects, and also serves as a “stable adult figure” for some of the younger members of the server. In contrast to his logical outward appearance, C!Sam lets his emotions drive his decision making-- which can lead to many severe consequences depending on how he acts. However, recently Sam’s actions indicate that he is experiencing a flip in morals. 

Below are incidents that have led to C!Sam’s recent change in moral code. 

Incident 1: Trapped with the Egg

  Many weeks ago, during the height of character involvement with the Egg lore, C!Sam was lured into a trap by BBH and Antfrost. He spent about a day trapped in close contact with the Egg, and after he was saved by Puffy and Tommy, he was clearly changed. It is likely that the Egg is behind these sudden changes in character motivation for Sam… similarly to how it corrupted BBH, Ant, and Punz. Whether this is the case with Sam is unclear. 

Incident 2: Tommy’s death

  C!Sam and C!Tommy’s relationship within the DSMP lore is one of my favorite things to talk about. After his victory over the disk war and finally landing his nemesis in prison, Tommy was left empty, without much to do. He decided to take upon a new project to incite a new era of peace, and was able to enlist the help of Sam with building his hotel. Throughout this process (and under the watchful eye of Sam Nook), Tommy and Sam were able to develop a bond with each other through their work, along with their interactions at the Prison. 

  Sam has made it clear that he intends to defend Tommy no matter what-- but after his untimely death at the hands of C!Dream, Sam was deeply wounded. He felt as if he failed his promise to keep Tommy safe, and he made it clear that the blame for the “security issue” and C!Tommy’s death should be placed fully on him. No matter how selfless and responsible this makes his character appear, this event will only serve as the basis for severe consequences in moral change in the future. 

Incident 3: Confrontation with Quackity

  Following the large emotional impact of Tommy’s death, C!Sam is very vulnerable, because he is still within the stages of grief. C!Quackity came to Sam for a partnership, to take advantage of Sam while he was low to gain the upper hand. It’s no question that Q’s character is a talented manipulator, we can see that clearly in his interaction with Sam. Q restates again and again that Sam failed, further cementing Sam’s existing guilt and desire for revenge for his failure. Sam gives in to the manipulation, and somewhat reluctantly allows Quackity to torture Dream to get information and to get payback for what he did to Tommy... which completely goes against what his responsibility of Warden entails. 

  As Warden, C!Sam is supposed to uphold the law and rules of visitation, but because of his leniency with Quackity (in breaking the rules) and because he is still emotionally raw, he no longer defends good from evil, but is now biased against it. C!Sam probably wants Dream dead, but as Warden, his opinion shouldn’t matter. Because Sam fully blames himself for failing Tommy, he's lost the "lawful good" in his character, meaning Warden Sam (as a set of morals) truly doesn't exist anymore.

Incident 4: Ponk’s mistake

  To recap a stream briefly, Ponk did a prank on Sam a couple days ago, and stole a few of the expired keycards to Pandora’s Vault. Rightfully, Sam was very angry, and not only took back the keycards, but also imprisoned Ponk. However, where this interaction should have ended, C!Sam only took it to the extreme. (TW!!!!) Out of anger and frustration, C!Sam tortured Ponk for his wrongdoing by setting him on fire, and amputating his arm (END TW!!!). 

  This only proves my point from Incident 3. Warden Sam is fading, only bits and pieces of his morally neutral character remain within him for basic tasks. His encounter with Quackity had a huge impact on his psyche, not only is he allowing the torture of the prison occupants, but he is doing it himself as well. C!Sam is now starting to believe that pain and torture are the only solutions for punishment, which is the complete opposite of what he believed before Dream was imprisoned. 

In short...

  C!Sam is losing his grip on moral and mental stability because of his emotional insecurity due to his psychological trauma. Because of this, I believe that it is entirely possible for Sam’s character to explore the route of evil and unlawful values-- which furthers the possibility for a redemption arc. Even currently, Sam is eligible for redemption as well.

  If C!Sam is willing to acknowledge his wrongs from today and improve himself upon them, he will likely become a more memorable, lovable, and even more human character than we’ve seen in the SMP before. 

SIDENOTE!

IRL Sam recently posted in his discord talking about his character. Here are a few key things to keep in mind as the story goes forward: 

“There is a LOT of things in the plan for me as a character and a very big change is coming about for me as the story moves along.”

I believe this change could be a villain arc, or a turn towards evil that incites the possibility for redemption. 

“My character is playing a role that I think is VITAL for the server and a role that I like to think was a good one for me to pick up and accept.”

You can read the reddit post I referenced for this here (ty to my friend on discord for providing me with the link <3)

TYSM FOR READING!! <3 <3 <3

[that-wizard-oki]

theres something that morganthe said that's always confused me. In the final fight against her: "Face me in all my forms and despair." Why does she have other forms of Balance, Ice, and Storm? Is there an in-lore or headcanon reason or is it just... something the devs picked just to make the fight more of a challenge worthy of being arc 2's ending?

I don’t believe there a confirmed canon explanation for this, though (to absolutely no ones surprise) I do have a very good guess to what these multiple forms might be!

To start let’s take a quick look at the forms themselves

First you have Ice, depicted in a deep blue and star patterns, then Balance, which is mainly void of any color or pattern, Death in Grey and lunar symbols, an finally Storm is purple and clad with solar pattern. 

Which yea, at first glance- nothing particularly unusual stands out about this. Save for Balance, each “version” of Morganthe here is colored in accordance to their respective schools within the game, and... wait a minute though. Doesn’t this seem a little... familiar? 

Oh yea, now I remember-

Y’all, Morganthe’s Memories share the exact same color scheme as those “forms” we see in the Shadow Palace. This, in my opinion, can not just be some wild coincidence and definitely has place within the game’s Lore about Morganthe herself. 

If you’ve kept up with my theories (which if your reading this i assume you have lol), you know I’m very sold on the idea that Morganthe was put through the conversion table process, and was infused with shadow magic so that she could be puppetted and controlled by the one connected to the Shadows core- Old Cob himself. We’ve seen the dialogue that’s stated this a few times, so i won’t get into that here- however, that still begs a interesting question- HOW exactly does the “conversion” process work, especially for Morganthe?

I think it would be so fitting if Spider was actually able to alter/tamper Morganthe’s own memories to how he wanted her to act as Shadow Queen. He talks about how “reluctant” she was to continue working with the Arachna once she figured out they wanted to use her knowledge and ability with Shadow as a weapon. THIS was bad for Spider/The Arachna, because ultimately his plan was to use an outside force so great and terrible (shadow queen Morganthe) that it would eventually lead someone (the wizard) who he could more easily trick into freeing him and then beginning the events of Arc 3 since Morganthe ended up figuring out what his true intensions were. 

So instead of emotionally manipulating her into doing what he wanted (like how he was able to do with the wizard), the only option left was to control her more literally- aka, the conversion tables.

However, I think Morganthe was an especially different case from how we see the Mantises and other Arachna being infused. We See Old Cob simply unweave the shadow tacked onto them with the use of crystals if I’m not mistaken. With Morganthe though, this girl is a fucking wizard prodigy who re-discovered the inner workings of Shadow Magic. I Would imagine that Cob probably had to take a more desperate approach to making sure he had her under his thumb to get what he wanted. 

And, as we know, Shadow magic deals a lot with memories. I think that Spider was able to tamper with Morganthe most formative memories, cut out the parts that grounded her in reality (like her Memory in Avalon of wanting to resist what her brother was doing, and her displeasure over hurting people), and stitch in the parts that influenced rage and power (such as the hurt she felt over Ambrose banishing her) in order to create what we know as the Shadow Queen. 

So in sum, the “forms” we see in the Shadow Palace are Morganthe’s Memories, though they are the ones altered by Spider- that’s why they appear as the Shadow Queen does because he made them into his image. The things we see in Radiance Reborn could very well be the “true” memories, the untampered scraps that Spider had tossed because they were of no use to him.

Now, as for the Balance “version” we see- I think that’s a Forth memory in the progress of being formed. The Blue, Violet and Grey versions we see are obviously Morganthe memories (tampered or not), and they all stand ground in in what are definitely the most prominent events in Morganthe life- all up UNTIL she actually becomes Shadow Queen.

Despite being controlled by Spider, her own shadow still exists within her, and she can still create these physical forms out of her memories. I think that Balance one- the one devoid of any particular color or pattern- would eventually become the memory that signified her time as Shadow Queen, like the three memories we’ve seen before. 

The reason it might be depicted as balance is because the Memory has yet to concrete itself in something that represents the time that it symbolizes- the Blue Memory being Ice makes sense because Ice often symbolizes strength and foundation- The memory of Avalon is obviously set during Morganthe’s very early youth, where she was very impressionable. It could also attribute to her feelings of grief and loss- she might have wanted to remain “frozen” in a time before Malory's death.

Violet being Storm makes sense- Morganthe being banished, her wand/deck being taken from her, accidentally hurting her classmates, ending up homeless/an eventual pirate, and generally being scared of her powers than NO ONE seems to know hwo to help her control, probably leaves her with an extreme sense of anxiety and sadness, such easily represented by the power and energy of Storm Magic.

And then you have Grey, the memory that kicks off all the unspeakable stuff occurring for Morganthe in Khrysalis, and is obviously reprehensive of death magic. For me, I think this time, especially once she starts to refuse the Shadow Magi, is perhaps Morganthes lowest point. All she really wanted was to learn how to control astral magic, “find her true self”, and return home and prove she wasn’t some monster. But here she is, having been groomed and tricked by the Magi into re-discovering lost knowledge and wanting her to be their grand weapon in a war she wants no part in. Needles to say, this memory being rooted in Death fits. 

So then, what would the fourth forming memory be? For me, I think Fire. The most uncontrollable element, and one obviously linked with rage and destruction, I think fits the time in Morganthe’s life were she was the Shadow Queen- even if Spider was partly controlling her the entire time, it was still her. (Also, as shadow queen she’s clad in a deep, scarlet red color with her usual black robes... just sayn’ lol)

Speaking of, I actually wanted this memory to be a focal point if Morganthe ever gets a redemption arc. While I think she could more easily accept thosr first three memories/shadows as a part of herself, i’d expect her to actually repulse the idea that this... “Scarlet” memory/shadow belongs with her. The biggest reason for this is that, if she “accepts” this part of her life, she’ll ultimately have to remain with the reality of what was done to her, the Spider had control of her, that she DID hurt and kill so many people... that’s scary, and I think could speak to a lot of trauma victims in the same what Arc 3 speaks so clearly to those with broken or divorces families.

Anywho, i’m really starting to ramble here, but TL;DR: Morganthe’s different forms at the end of Arc 2 could very well be related to her memories we see in Radiance Reborn, and also allude to the idea that Old Cob, when Morganthe went through the conversion table process, may have tampered with those initial Memories/Shadows, and created memories that would help fuel Morganthe’s power as shadow queen. 

And yea, It’s very possible the devs simply picked Ice, Storm, Death, and Balance for game play purposes, and it doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but! What’s in the fun in that y’know? I think this, or something akin to it, is a lot more intriguing and gives a lot more depth to Morganthe’s character, as well as the story for Arc 2 :D

[hazelsheartsworn]

44, 45, 47

Thanks for the ask @laequiem !

I sat with these for a bit, which made it all the better! This is going to be a long post....

I’m going to be controversial...

44. Favorite Protagonist: Aeneas in The Aeneid

By now you know Classics has a special place in my heart and I’m not over exaggerating when I say that it saved me in more ways than one. Yes, it’s an epic poem and can be tough to read and certainly tougher to unpack. But oof, there are lines on here that will see you in your darkest of moments.

forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit -Aeneid 1.203

Roughly translates to, “Perhaps one day it will be helpful to remember even these things.”

In this moment, Aeneas is speaking to a group of Trojans stranded on a beach after getting the ships wrecked in a divinely powered storm. They’re refugees, from the storm, from Troy, from war. With the ship wreck, all the food stores are ruined and they’ve landed in unknown territory. These people are lost, scared, broken, and clinging to a desperate hope for a better life. It’s such a moment of true humanity when he has to lead this group, while also mourning and lost himself. He says this statement, which seems like a throw away cliche of, “Don’t worry, Be happy” (especially since a lot of modern English translations say ‘it will be pleasing’ instead of ‘it will be helpful.’). But when you dig into this speech and this line, Aeneas is talking about traumatic events to people who have just lived (and are currently still going through it). There’s not really time to analyze and process their trauma, they have to push on and keep going. But at the same time, Aeneas is acknowledging their trauma and even that by surviving this moment and moving forward, they will unpack and process and *use* their memories as a remedy. For all his faults [see below] Aeneas in these moments seems worthy of his story.

45. Favorite Villain

Okay, I considered the Grand Witch from Roald Dahl’s “The Witches” and I considered almost every character from the “Ace of Shades” trilogy, as well as many others. A heavy favorite is Odysseus in the “Iliad”, which is a discussion about society for another day. However, I’m in a MOOD, so I’m coming back to:

Villain: Aeneas from “The Aeneid”

Listen, this dude goes from refugee to imperialist real quick. And while I get he’s still in hella trauma mode when he’s in Italy scrabbling to manifest his DESTINY (see what I did there?), he wrecks up the societal network and alliances of these native Italic groups. And honestly, in the last books of the Aeneid, I root for Camilla and Juturna and Turnus (and almost everyone Latin) a lot. Finally, if you’ve ever read the Aeneid the whole way through, just consider the very final ending of Book 12 and the whole work; when Aeneas straight up slaughters Turnus without remorse even though Turnus is begging for mercy. I’ll leave this final thought from @neil-gaiman to sum up my thought about how Aeneas can be the villain in his own story...

47. If you could visit any fictional place possible, where would you go?

Part of me wants to stick with the Aeneid kick and talk about the cave near Cumae through which the Sibyl leads Aeneas to the Underworld.

Part of me wants to say Tír na nÓg for its beauty, danger, and lore...

And part of me wants to feel out about Hyrule, especially as portrayed in Breath of the Wild...

Don’t make me pick! 🙈

[jostenneil]

I recently read Balancing Toy and Cross Game because of you and I loved both! They were so good at depicting mundane life and packing emotion in subtle ways. Could you recommend some slice of life manga?

this makes me so happy, omg! 😭 i’m really glad you enjoyed them, i love the slice of life genre so much for how it’s used as a medium. i’m going to recommend some other titles here, but i think yamakawa aiji and mitsuru adachi’s other works are definitely worth checking out as well! 

sangatsu no lion (manga/anime) - this may be one of the more obvious recent choices within the genre, but i think it’s with very good reason! chica umino has the slice of life genre down to a science. the story primarily follows rei, a shogi prodigy who has recently started to live alone due to tensions he felt he was creating within his adoptive family. he’s very lonely and depressed due to what he felt was an invasive experience on his own part, so a lot of the narrative follows him being reached out to by other people and him learning to ask for help rather than keeping all of his struggles to himself. there’s a lot of complex emotions and trauma tied into the narrative, but they’re often depicted against very simple situational backdrops, so it feels like you’re walking through ordinary people’s lives but in a way that’s deeply relatable. i believe the anime is on netflix so that’s very convenient as well, and i think it does a beautiful job of conveying a lot of the imagery that’s so crucial to depicting the ideas contained within the story. i would definitely recommend chica umino’s other primary work, honey and clover, for similar reasons as well, but i recommended that in my shoujo recs post already so i won’t rehash that here

azumanga daioh (anime/manga) - i’m not sure how to describe this series. it follows a group of teenage girls (and a few of their teachers) as they navigate three years of high school. and that would sound like an at least semi-serious endeavor, except it isn’t really on the surface. the series operates as a progression of chronological one shots centered on different gags and nonsensical situations, and it makes for comedy that i think has remained pretty timeless despite the series being nearly two decades old. the anime is great, both the sub and dub are phenomenal, and the manga is written in the form of those comic strips you used to read as a kid on sundays. it’s just super simple, lightheartedly funny, and surprisingly heartfelt when it wants to be due to the relationships you see illustrated between the girls. i would recommend kiyohiko azuma’s other primary work, yostuba&!, for similarly lighthearted and funny material. also, these are some of my favorite scenes from the anime

ojamajo doremi (anime) - this falls more into the shoujo category, esp since the mcs are witches who navigate a witching world, but i think it operates by slice of life parameters because of the way the story is told. ojamajo has received a lot of praise for its timelessness due to the relatability of its multiple scenarios to people of all ages and backgrounds. most simply put, it starts as a show about a girl who accidentally becomes contracted to a witch and so becomes a witch-in-training herself. doremi gets into all sorts of ridiculous messes and has to solve them not just through use of her powers but also just per normal problem solving skills. there’s narratives about friendships, relationships with our family and our teachers, growing up, learning to accept different kinds of people, etc. and similarly to azumanga, tho it initially feels like a purely one shot set-up, the plot and development of the characters builds in a way that’s subtle but also pleasingly noticeable. it’s just super down to earth and kind and funny, and there’s even a movie that came out last year (i believe?) to celebrate the twentieth anniversary, which made its main characters be girls who had grown up watching ojamajo and were now seeking out their own adventures as they grew up. i think that’s really sweet

horimiya (manga/anime) - this is perfect to get into right now bc the anime just started airing! it follows a pair of students, hori and miyamura, who come to find out about each other living “double lives”. hori hides the fact that she goes home everyday to take care of her house and her brother bc her parents are always at work, and miyamura looks like an otaku bc of the way he dresses but is actually just a normal guy with some tattoos and piercings. they coincidentally cross paths one day and are made privy to each other’s “secret” lifestyles, so a friendship and eventually a romantic relationship strikes up between them. the nice thing about the manga is that not a lot of time is spent on getting them into the relationship. you actually see them as a couple for most of it, doing couple-y things, engaging in couple-y conversation, having couple-y squabbles. there’s also a cast of characters outside of these two who deal with their own day-to-day issues and such, so overall it’s a nice casual read about people and how they interact. i wouldn’t say it ever gets angsty (at least not that i’ve read so far) but it’s nonetheless very enjoyable for its straightforwardness and simplicity

bokura ga ita (manga/anime) - i haven’t watched this in a long time so my memories are somewhat hazy, but i think this features one of my favorite explorations of grief in a shoujo manga. it starts with nanami, a high school freshman who hopes to make new friends but is also put-off by the most popular boy in school, yano, bc of his superficial attitude. yano is actually still emotionally recovering from the death of his girlfriend the year prior. she died in a car accident and was with her ex-boyfriend at the time, so yano assumed she was cheating on him, and instead of properly processing the event, he pretends to act like he doesn’t care. he and nanami grow close over the course of the narrative, but there are a lot of levels to yano’s trauma and grief that keep them apart in various ways. it’s very much true to that era of romance manga in the sense of all of the ridiculous drama and love lines, but i think it’s really weighted because so much of that drama stems from real trauma and characters’ issues with depression, etc. if you loved nana or paradise kiss, i think you would enjoy it. also, if memory serves, i believe the anime covers only half of the story, prior to a major time skip 

i didn’t want to feature any repeats, so i’m going to direct you to my shounen recs post for some more stuff i love from the slice of life genre as well. in particular, i think silver spoon and sket dance are great for that (as is oofuri, but it’s also a sports series very detailed with its sports lore, so idk if you’d be interested in that). and while i haven’t read the following personally, these are some trusted recs that i’ve either been meaning to read or got from friends: mushishi, oyasumi punpun, barakamon, nichijou, beck. i hope this all helps! 

[wolf-stark]

You ask I deliver — both tfatws asks in one!

tfatws weekly ask 1

i finally saw ep1!! i wont be able to see ep2 until thursday at the earliest but i already have some Thots on this ep. here are the ones I remember

first is, and i'm so sorry for this, a grammar lesson. an appositive is when you stick an additional phrase in between commas, dashes, or the like. i actually just used one! the "and i'm so sorry for this" in the first sentence of this paragraph is an appositive. thing is, most english speakers don't normally use them when they speak, only in writing. so i'm always on high alert whenever i hear somebody in tv or movies use one. (it's generally a marker of bad screenwriting). anyway there was one right in the beginning of the episode. the white army guy yelling at sam wilson said "first lieutenant Torres, our intel officer, will be helping on the ground." yeah so. the writing of this series started out on the wrong foot for me. but the rest of the episode was obviously tons and tons better (every interview i see with malcolm spellman makes me love him more and more)

the contrast between the opening minutes (falcon action sequence) and the rest of the ep.... i would 100000/10 rather watch a series with just sam and bucky dealing with life. i dont give a single crap about the flag-smashers or any of that. i just want sam, sarah & fam getting their boating business back on the ground & yeeting racist dickwads, bucky going through therapy and making amends, sam and joaquin being bros, sambucky homoerotic tension, etc.

the cinnamontography! wandavision mostly used cinematography to signify era n stuff. tfatws doesn't have wv's premise to go off of, so here's some tricks i noticed:

with sam there's obviously all sorts of shots with the captain america iconography next to his face, but he hasn't totally claimed it. there's the mural of steve rogers in the background; there's sam staring into the shield like it's a spectre of steve's face; there's sam looking into the exhibit, the shield and sam separated by glass and a layer of camera focus. steve is a constant spectre, always there, an idea, a symbol himself. sam's relationship with this iconography is distanced. he is separated by glass exhibit walls. by painting canvases. he doesn't yet feel worthy to take on that iconography. this whole thing was pulled off quite well but also a bit on-the-nose if only in quantity. there's just sooooo much fancy iconography stuff

speaking of the exhibit, there's something that i get real pissy about. it's when like, there's an action going on you're supposed to be paying attention to but the cinematographer is like,,,, hey! check out this location! or this headline! or something! there was a lot of that in the exhibit. the camera was like, you could focus on sam and rhodey's convo (which was fine but could have been so much better with an extra like 10 minutes of deep character study talk) but noooo you want me to look at the symbol for the united nations and read all the text about bucky who hasn't even showed up yet. shut up i know the lore and ill watch the shot-by-shot breakdown yt vids you don't have to make the shot this long jkdsalcjklasejf

my fav trick was with bucky and the therapist. i had seen a clip of the scene with bucky and the therapist beforehand and i thought the cinnamontography was super obnoxious, but then i was like, oh duh. the shots frequently change the distance between the camera and its subject. sometimes it's uncomfortably close and sometimes it's really far. a clear allegory for the duality of therapy, esp for bucky! therapy is an invasive process wherein he is ruthlessly examined, picked apart, and berated for his trauma (this therapist is crap in every way btw, "mean therapist" works for greg house and greg house only). so the camera goes close. it makes the viewer claustrophobic like bucky. but when he's like "no i haven't had any nightmares" the camera suddenly goes really far. we see bucky as this tiny head in the center of the bottom of the frame. we are distanced from him. he has pushed us away. we cannot see him. he lies because he is vulnerable. so yeah, amazing work there. the therapy scene was hard to watch on purpose!

did bucky slip a note to yori inside the dollar bill? bucky stop making me emooooo. the suuper awkward fake smile has me 😭 (veteran trying to adjust!)

mark my worrrrds when sam asks someone y the govt picked john “white bread” walker they’re gonna say “we needed somebody everyone can get behind....someone uncontroversial, someone everyone can see themselves in” like that exact racist dog whistle

tfatws weekly ask 2

just saw ep2 so im taking advantage of the 2 seconds i can be on tumblr without worrying about tfatws spoilers before new episode drops

when isaiah said "your people put me in prison for being a hero" and bucky thought "your people" means hydra. 🤦‍♂️

speaking of racism, the interplay between sam being Black (anti-Black racism) and sam being the Falcon (negrophilia, "can i take a selfie w you as i deny you a loan?") and the intersection between the two (j*hn lichrally called sam "steve's wingman"! he takes the crypto out of crypto-racist in like 2 seconds!) !!!!!!!! a Black celebrity's Black experience, the separation of man and identity!!!! (thinking about vanessa bayer in snl in that skit "beyonce is black" telling her black friend "you're not black, you're...my girl!")

after sam gets racially profiled by cops we see j*hn standing in front of cop cars cinematic parallels turns out j*hn is racist who knew

this therapist sucks major ass but she got bucky and sam together in the same room and ready to collaborate...that's something ig. it was lichrally couple's therapy she said she used her miracle exercise with couples sambucky antis get blended

bucky says "he was wrong about you so maybe he was wrong about me"...that's not how people talk. when therapist asks bucky, the guy who doesn't talk at all about himself, "y do you hate sam", the last thing bucky's gonna do is actually connect his hatred of sam to his own self-worth issues. bucky generally refuses to talk about himself, so why would he talk about himself in the one context that nobody ever links back to their own neuroses: hatred of other people? one thing human beings hate most is admitting we're wrong. admitting you hate someone because of your own issues? that's a major therapeutic step. bucky would absolutely have to be prompted to do that. even like one or two lines of dialogue more would have set up that line better. but in terms of the actual thought? an amazing way to take the sam/bucky relationship. bucky bases his self-worth on steve believing in him, and if steve is wrong bucky has no self-worth, so 1) he has to develop self-worth disassociated from steve's assessment of him and 2) he has to love himself before he can love sam, and 3) he has to realize that sam giving up the shield is a sign of sam's humility not his unworthiness.

conversely, we don't get into why sam hates bucky? yeah sam has the right to hate a guy that has tried to kill him (albeit while brainwashed) multiple times, and now shows up in his life just to bash him but. everything happens so fast i cant follow their relationship

in fact i dont feel like i understood much of anything. like y did bucky and sam go on that mission together? how connected are sam/bucky/joaquin with the government? doesn't bucky just want to retire now? literally what is everyone doing/feeling and why???

if battlestar becomes a knowing commentary on the black best friend stereotype i'm gonna party, but i dont expect much of that

the interplay between man and symbol. captain america is obviously a symbol. the shield is obviously a symbol. but steve rogers? the. man behind the cowl? he too seems to become a symbol. a paragon of a good guy, so good he's unreachable. steve was just a guy stop idolizing him the last thing steve would want is to be idolized

as the resident musician/music nerd on mcublr, 1) that captain america rally music slaps, but 2) re: the song at the end of the ep, if you're just gonna rip off mozart's lacrymosa then at least play mozart's lacrymosa. we wont blame you the lacrymosa slaps (if you dont know what im talking about go on yt and search it up youll recognize it fo sho

look i love enfys nest as much as the next guy but if tfatws is gonna get erin kellyman to play another innocent little gurl blackmailed into the fakeout-villain position (her text seemed to suggest as such) then 😡 like why can't women just....be evil? young, freckly, innocent-looking women? girls are not untouchable pure objects but full of rage and resentment just as much as anyone can be

bonus ep1 comment: bucky says about that senator whose car he hijacked, "she continued to abuse the power i gave her." fictionaldarling on yt say that he says "i" because he can't disassociate himself from his winter soldier persona which begets endless and senseless guilt. like dude. can i not be emo for like 1 second.

OKay. First off, as much I enjoy your sending it to me, what made you decide to send me these??

-

TFATWS WA #1

Don't worry about getting this to me as early as possible. I usually don't watch the episode right away.

1. Cool writing lesson.

2. Everyone wants a comedy show [like Friends] about the MCU superheroes.

3. Cinematography is always a beautiful thing.

4. Sam definitely has to carve his own Captain America status for himself, outside of Steve's ya know everything.

5. They have to do that for people who was just now tuning in because they're in love with Sam Wilson or Sharon Carter.

6. I think the therapist was taking a 'tough love' approach for Bucky, because she likely has some very strong opinions about the literal assassin she's been assigned to give therapy too. She did not choose to talk to him, she was assigned that make that clear in the second episode.

And, Bucky isn't lying when he said it wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a nightmare, it was a resurfaced memory. So, technically he wasn't lying - and yes, the camera does move away because while he's saying he didn't have a nightmare, he's not expanding on what actually happened - so, he's still pushing the therapist/us away.

7. Bucky, and Steve, have/had a TON to adjust to.

8. Yeah, I agree that will be the bullshit line they give. If they ever actually talk about it.

TFATW WA #2

Yeah, always got to take advantage of avoiding those spoilers lmfaoo.

1. Honestly, that line was double meaning. Both about White people and Hydra [which is made up of mostly white supremacists/nazis] So, the line is gesturing to both White People in general and Hydra assholes together. I think the terminology is “double edge sword”??

2. This whole paragraph structure confused me, ngl - so I'm going to answer it the best I can. I do like that they're not ignoring the fact that Sam being Black is 1000% the reason he's not the Official Captain America - because the gov't is racist as hell.

I also like the little lines about how they point out little things about Sam's Falcon persona, like that kid calling him 'Black Falcon' specifically and Sam's response show the split between Sam and Falcon itself.

John is a dick for calling Sam the wingman of Steve Rogers. Sam was a hero all on his own before Steve asked him to join up again. [Side note, it's lichrally??]

3. Exactly, the parallel of Sam being profiled and surrounded while just on the street and John being surrounded by fans and being able to spring Bucky with apparently only a few sentences shows a Loooooot

4. Honestly, at this point I wonder if she's not actually a therapist and is just an agent assigned to assess Bucky outside of an Official Building. I do know, however, that her 'look at each other and speak' exercise is actually a real therapy practice. It's just a little slower.

5. Actually, I think he would've blurted that out. That whole line. I don't think Bucky hates Sam. I think they could've done the scene better, but I think that had Sam prodded him/the therapist been more annoying Bucky would've lost control of his emotions and blurted out the whole "If he was wrong about you, he was wrong about me" but I feel like the writing for this show is just... not there. Sometimes you blurt shit when you get overemotional and I think that was what Bucky was supposed to be like.

6. I don't think Sam hates Bucky, I think he doesn't trust him though. I do wish they'd talked about that though. The whole 'talk to each other' scene should've been a LOT longer and a LOT slower.

7. Sam and Bucky's relationship is being fast tracked because they don't really know how to work the relationship out, writers-room-wise. Bucky is technically retired, but I feel like he's trying to live up to Steve's expectations and doing what Steve would've done and we all know that if Steve was there, Steve would've jumped on that plane with Sam. It looks like Sam/Bucky/Joaquin are a side-team based from Military services but as Sam says they're all free agents so...?

8. Sadly, They seem to just be propping up to be another stereotype.

9. Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man. But now Steve Rogers is an idol because of all the shit he's been through and honestly, it's not a bad thing he's become an idol for people - it's using Steve as a reason to make White Bread Walker the next Captain that makes Steve's idolization so fucked.

10. I don't know anything about music so I have no opinion here, sorry.

11. Enfys?? Also, I think they did the whole Innocent Girl Thing as side commentary for Bucky lowering his guard about seeing a young girl rather than a guy.

12. Bucky is the Winter Solider. The Winter Solider is Bucky. That is how Bucky will always see it because although he was brainwashed, it was still him and he remembers all of it. When you have constant memories of something 'someone else' did, you tend to not be able to pull the two personas out of each other. I want Bucky to take up the title, White Wolf instead of Winter Soldier. Honest.

This is all my opinion, I’m honestly a little disappointed with the writing of TFATWS so far so... I’m not really optimistic about this.

[fatalism-and-villainy]

So a million years ago @ameliarating asked me to elaborate on something I made reference to in this ask meme response, which was:

WWX’s noncon kink that’s sort of surface-level Ironic and Playful but is actually based in multiple layers of trauma and problematic gender identifications

So let me see if I can string some words together to elaborate on the headcanons alluded to, feat. Nonbinary WWX agenda. (A lot of my headcanons have been formed via PMs and are building upon layers and layers of headcanon Lore by me and @coldwind-shiningstars, but I’ll try to be as coherent as possible.) @ameliarating hope this makes sense and is pleasing to you~

so WWX’s relationship to queerness in general is just very much a case of “haha just kidding.... unLESS...” Very much “joke about being proximal to this experience, because it’s Funny and Provocative and Riles People Up, oh whoops I actually have Gay Feelings.” This is more present in the novel, which isn’t my preferred characterization in this regard, but it is still present to some degree on the show, in the way he teases LWJ with little “what if we were gay together, ehehe” hints. My preferred interpretation for this in show canon is more rejection-anticipatory self-protectiveness than cluelessness about the nature of his own feelings (especially later on, as teen WWX possibly hasn’t fully grasped the implications of his feelings), sort of “flirting such that you can insist it was a joke if the other person isn’t receptive”. But it’s emblematic of the way he tends to approach personal or emotionally fraught issues that he doesn’t want to fully interrogate in conversation - goofing off while avoiding showing vulnerability.

So imo his relationship with gender is similar. He doesn’t come at it from a place of angst or gender-related abjection. He likes being a man! He just happens to like other things as well. He enjoys playing around with different gender presentations and performances! It’s good fun! He likes performing femininity and jokingly applying feminine labels to himself because it’s Provocative and confuses people and gets him attention. The initial appeal is “look how transgressive I’m being!” And then it slowly dawns on him that this is actually something that has personal significance to him and that while he quite likes his own personal version of being a man, he has Some Issues with enforced masculinity. (I hc that his Masculine Posturing as a teenager is a manifestation of that “compensating for nascent transness via over-performing one’s assigned gender” experience.... not to mention the “i believe a man should get scars” line.)

And a lot of his early gender deviations were also wrapped up in his baby queer feelings. As a tween he would often express sentiments like “boys are so pretty... I was a girl so I could have a boyfriend!.... hahahaha”. And he reads a lot of romances in which he identifies with the girl. And that identification is sort of something he jokes about (sometimes with others, and sometimes in his own head) because it’s Absurd and Outlandish and Shocking to state impossibilities like that, but it is ultimately reflecting something genuine in him. 

So, re his noncon kink - well, it’s traumagenic in the sense that it helps him process just, the amount of shit he’s been through. Lots of bad things have happened to him! And so enacting a Bad Thing happening to him in a controlled environment, with someone he trusts, is cathartic to him. And he’s into the “giving up control” aspect of it - he’s made so many decisions (and been railroaded by circumstance into making so many decisions) that have caused a considerable amount of harm to himself and others. So he just craves giving up control sometimes and having someone else decide what gets done to him. And roleplay is a good way to do that. 

But I think another appeal of noncon for him is the gendered element of it. Which is the Problematic Identifications part of this. Because sexual violation - and submissiveness/passiveness in general - are coded feminine. And so enacting that makes him feel like a girl, which makes him happy. But it’s a Deviant and Transgressive way of relating to femininity, so it’s easy to shove into the Not Contending With This Identity Yet box in his brain.

And noncon in general he approaches in the same sort of way that he does gender and sexual identity - he’s not really cognizant of, and definitely not verbal articulating, these particular reasons why he’s into it. He’s just very playful about it, very “oooh this would be so hot [launches right into RPing]”. He’s not inclined to self-reflection and self-awareness when it comes to sex and kink things! He just follows his id! He will disavow any deep-set emotional need it fills for him until he inexplicably starts crying a very cathartic host of tears afterwards.