#reading heals and destroys me
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about me . . .
call me mavle !
she / her , isfp
IMPORTANT â tone indicators are v helpful for me , i have a low social battery , and i tend to overthink
4 / 8 - bday ! đşđ¸ / đ¨đł , american - born chinese
multilingual : fluent in english, can speak chinese and type pinyin but not write it , learning spanish !
sun in aries , moon in aquarius
personally i donât really resonate w / the accepted main traits of aries , we arenât all loud , aggressive , and assertive , donât hate people based on their zodiac đ
fav games : tears of the kingdom , animal crossing , mario kart
zelink is my comfort ship if anyone belongs together itâs them
books : the book thief , the song of achilles , the joy luck club , an acceptable time , the fault in our stars , phantom limbs , wilder girls
sorry i donât watch a lot of shows / movies :(
music : i canât escape the sad music my happy mix has TV GIRL , ARTIC MONKEYS , and MITSKI đđ
anyways , i love all of those artists + strawberry guy , eyedress , lana , clairo , laufey , etc !
spotify literally wonât give me any upbeat uplifting music
itâs either depressing indie , depressing j - pop , metal , or old rap i donât make the rules
hobbies â
guess who was forced to play violin for 3 / 4 of their lives and is still doing it and practices multiple hours a day but still fails their lessons ? ?
i donât wanna go on a long rant abt my mixed feelings toward that hollow curved wood block đ so
violin đť
doodling âď¸
customizing stuff đ§
tennis ( big mixed feelings on this one too ) đž
baking ! đ°
writing đ
reading đ
daydreaming đ
being with my friends ( occasionally ) đ
photography ; food photos on top !! đˇ
to be expanded . . .
#about myself#idk if i love or hate violin#introduction#mavle writes <3#mavle speaks !#about me#hobbies#my personality#overthinking#to be continued#reading heals and destroys me#faves#fav books#fav games#music#spotify keeps giving me sad music
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fam i'm having shrimp emotions about dean winchester in the year of our lord 2024. it doesn't get better
#yes i did watch the dean landslide amv three times in a row. no i dont want to talk about it#bUT ALSO-#DEAN DESERVED BETTER#we all deserved bETTER !!!#baby had so much trauma and didnt get to kiss the gay angel what even was the point#finally reading the goldenrod revisions (ao3) is healing and destroying me all at the same time#will i ever know peace#i hope dean winchester is watching 911 in heaven and seeing bi buck has altered his brain chemisty <3#spn#dean winchester#destiel#supernatural#dean winchester my beloved#the goldenrod revisions
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"But in the end, I... still think... it's so unfair," Yin Yu sobbed. "If I wasn't destined to be perfect, I at least wanted to be perfectly kind. But... I couldn't even manage that. It's really... so unfair. And to tell you the truth, I can't get over it, even now. I can't swallow the fact that I'm dying for this little bonehead, Yizhen. I can't even let go and die without resentment or regrets. What the heck..." "Better than most people huh?" Yin Yu gave a small, arduous chuckle. Then he sighed, and the sound of his last regret passed along with his soul as he mumbled, "But I wanted to be a god..."
#yin yu#quan yizhen#quanyin#tgcf#tgcf spoilers#heaven official's blessing#heaven official's blessing spoilers#just finished volume seven and! wow! not okay over this!#the tragedy around yin yu specifically just! aboslutely! kills me!!!!#''if i wasn't destined to be perfect i at least wanted to be perfectly kind'' absolutely DESTROYED me and i think it 100% sums up what#yin yu is struggling with and why he can't move on from... well anything. why he can't actually reconnect with quan yizhen and why their#fallout was inevitable#but god i want him to have a chance to move past that#i want him to hear his words and realise what's been tormenting him so much and i want him to heal and be happy#i would really like him to NOT BE A CORPSE THAT QUAN YIZHEN IS CARRYING AROUND BECAUSE I NEED TO STOP READING EVERY TIME ITS MENTIONED#i'm fine i'm okay it's all okay#now that i've gotten this out of my system i'm gonna go read v8#my art
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thinking 'bout how the lads interact with what the bracelets represent, especially in their decks
#marwospeaking#Yuuya is by far hardest to work with on this because he Varies. but that might just be him being opposite to Yuzu so it might count?#anyway Yuuya is a bushfire made by fireworks set off without proper precaution (the improperly set off fireworks being Zarc..#.. being influenced into the position that made the lads through his desire to both destroy and entertain his crowds)#It's small sometimes. but in the right conditions is an unstoppable conflagration#Yuuto literally does not die. In a world where we never truly get the other two (Yuugo and Yuuri) interacting with their host (Yuuya)..#.. outside of duels. he very much does. He is undead in a way the others don't quite match (pre Zarc revival) and it's opposite to..#.. En Bird's life (assuming it counts death too as part of its cycle)#Yuugo uses machine monsters - things that distinctly don't breathe. and in most cases have exhaust pipes billowing fumes#and machines can be warm to the touch at times. which you could feasibly slide against Rin's Windwitches for being Very Cold Ladies#Also he's trapped no matter where he is. Neo Domino has a stronger grip on him as a person than anyone else. and when he might finally..#.. escape that. he's trapped in someone else's body with no canonical recourse. because the story ended on Yuuya's terms and no one elses#Yuuri is hardest to place but I think he's very stationary. Sere's monsters are dancers - constantly moving - and she's very able to#adapt as she goes despite how stupid she can be book-wise. Yuuri is rooted into his role. even when he discards his loyalty his role was..#.. always in Zarc's interest no matter if he knew or not. The Professor's loyalty from him is an add-on to that#... I'd argue Zarc cared more about his pieces than Ray cared about hers also? He made cards for them on the fly so they'd Win#Even in moments where that victory is not in a wholly positive light - Odd-Eyes Raging and Gatlinghoul - but we know he's capable of it..#.. a la allowing Yuuya to debut pendulum monsters on his behalf in order to win against Ishijima#something something this can then apply to the other lads. they never lose except to each other and Ray's girls (at least on screen)#Yuuto survived 3 years of war. even despite Yuugo and Yuuri showing up. so methinks Zarc must've had a role in helping him survive#Like. Zarc's distinctly present for his Lads. Ray's not present for her lasses until one of them speaks through her#Sure it's very possible that's a bracelet thing - they are floodgates at the end of the day - and not a Ray thing. but it also wouldn't..#.. surprise me given Ray is an Akaba. we know they will sacrifice others for a gain later on - Ray's was sacrificing a whole world to make.#.. a safer one for everyone to live in. irrelevant on if they remember it or if they never existed originally. Except Leo Akaba. He does#(with memory reading tech) and it tortures him the whole time. she didn't mean to hurt him but Still#Zarc's distinctly not better than Ray - he's still broken wide open when it comes to his hatred of humanity (but not his human half)#and it resulted in multiple near-deaths the second time around - but I can't say Ray's that much better if it turns out the bracelets..#.. weren't floodgating her ability to help her lasses#Completely unrelated but. I don't like what Arcray represents ngl. makes it seem like Zarc could never move on with the help of his lads#and has to rely on someone who killed him and sent him to purgatory about it in order to heal.
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JUST FINISHED CHAPTER 23 OF CROWN OF MIDNIGHT!!!
AND I LEGIT DONT WANT TO READ ANYTHING ELSE â BECAUSE ITS GONNA RUIN IT â THERE ARE TOO MANY BOOKS LEFT IN THE SERIES FOR THESE CHARACTERS TO BE THIS HAPPY AND ALSO STAY THIS WAY â BUT ITS JUST SO PERFECT
AND I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH CELAENA AND CHAOL FOREVER
WHYYYYYYYYY
#crown of midnight#throne of glass#celaena sardothien#chaol westfall#celaena x chaol#chaol x celaena#chapter 23#chaolaena#I ship it#i just want them to be happy#fangirl problems#throne of glass series#first read#first reaction#Iâm not crying your crying#i love them your honor#I just want domestic fluff forever#is that too much to ask#no spoilers please#sarah what are you doing#this series is going to destroy me#i will die on this hill#donât even get me started#not me projecting my own trauma onto fictional characters and healing with them#this is a dangerous game#the way he looks at her#the way she looks at him#letâs runaway together#Iâm a sucker for this trope plot platonic slow burn#she said he was home and he held her on the day her parents died and she threw him a birthday party and they have a poem and they danced an
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Oh god. Oh fuck. Shitfuckbuggerbloodyhell. Just finished reading Nowhere Near You by Leah Thomas (sequel to Because Youâll Never Meet Me). And, let me tell you, this duology feels like this. You enter a room with two people. One of them tells you a bad dad joke you canât help laughing at. The other hits you with a wave of self hate, misery, and Sad GayTM vibes, and then the first guy punches you with an ocean of depression. Then both hit you with cuss words and encouraging sentences that make you cry, and then more dad jokes. Then they pat you on the back and give you ice cream and make you giggle, but then they hit you with even more feels and leave you gasping for breath from the weight. Then they send waves of happy emotions again, and everything feels alright, until they drop another bomb of depression and self hate. Finally, they punch you with a bit of sadness, hug you tight, and kick you back out the door.
Leah Thomas, you are amazing and deserve praise, this is one of the best things that I have read, I absolutely loved from beginning to end, and I wish I could forget it so I could read it again for the first time. From the bottom of my heart (inside my chest, no pacemaker), thank you.
#books and reading#lgbtq#lgbtq books#because youâll never meet me#leah thomas#prepare to be emotionally destroyed and then healed again
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@letters-to-rosie
nothing will ever amaze me the way fanfiction authors do. like, you wrote silly little stories about my favorite little guys? and i can read them?? for free??? thatâs fucking wild.
you poured your heart and soul and very being into your writing and then put it out there for anyone to read? insane.
you spend a truly incredible amount of time writing novel-length, high quality stories, again, FOR FREE, that anyone can read, again, FOR FREE??
shoutout to every single fic author in existence, you guys are fucking incredible and i love all of you so much
#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfic authors#archive of our own#cough that fic heals and destroys me every time i read it#talk revolution to me#rosie youâre so real for writing and sharing your masterpiece with us
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I love Tumblr because youre all so smart and analyze and observe and catch things in shows or other forms of content that I would never catch or think twice about and sometimes it's great and sometimes it makes me feral and sometimes it's soul shattering heart breaking but in a good way that also sucks and I love you all yep
#me when i see posts about litterally anything#ranting#appreciation#especially all the artisits and fan fic writers#providing extra content to either heal or destroy in a good way#just read a long post about aziraphale/michael sheen and it made me feral in a good way
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artwork by raghad qanou follow: @rhq2744 verified â: no. 221 on el-shab-hussein/nabulsi's sheet
dear moots/lovely lurkers- please read đ¤
raghad has finally reached the very first milestone in her fundraiser! that's right gang, thanks to the continuous support of friends/strangers alike, raghad's family has raised a whopping â¨ÂŁ5,095â¨as promised, here is another beautiful original by miss raghad herself đ¤
for those who haven't gotten a chance to meet her yet, please allow raghad to introduce herself in her own words:
Hello everyone, I am Raghad Qanou, a second-year human medicine student at Al-Azhar University in Gaza, or rather, I was like that, before I lost everything, literally everything... Before the 7th of October, me and my family [8 members] were living in our cute house in the Shujaiya neighborhood in Gaza, after huge suffering to repair it and return to living in it after it was destroyed in the 2014 war on Gaza. My family and I were forced to leave our home and forcibly move under fire 7 times so far! All this to escape death and hold on to the last shred of hope for a decent life! excerpt from raghad's gfm campaign page (read full story here)
i first met raghad sometime in june after she messaged me here on tumblr. one of the first things she shared with me (besides her name lol) was this piece:
title: waiting for a ceasefire "only hope and art keep us alive here in gaza ...." -raghad qanou
since then, we've been able to chat a handful of times-- i told her how much i loved her artwork and she excitedly shared even more of her work with me
raghad is a talented artist- a loving sister- a diligent student- a wonderful daughter- and someone who deserves a chance to live a life worth living. her whole family does
they continue to suffer through horrific living conditions and rely on y'all to help carry their burden. to reveal yourself so vulnerably to the world is far from easy. so often, we are told to grit our teeth and push through whatever ails us in silence. but this is a type of pain that cannot and should not be felt alone. and it will take everyone to band together so we can begin to heal
raghad's campaign still has a long way to go. to help things move along, i am proposing another art reveal â¨
if we can get raghad to ÂŁ15K- i will unveil another beautiful piece from her collection of artwork!
as of posting, raghad's family has raised ÂŁ5,095Â / ÂŁ55,000.
for those able, please consider donating by clicking the link below + share this post so others may get the chance to help out too đ¤
tags for reach below cut (note: sorry gang, ik we're not really moots. if you're here- it's cause i pulled people from a post that promoted a gfm in the past. please let me know if you do not wish to be tagged in future posts. no hard feelings, truly đ¤)
@juneybug @kodigobacktosleep @apocalyptic-dancehall @imnotthepersonyouseek @toonirlÂ
@kingofthebookcase @kazehita @yonch @pinkdreamscape1Â
@king-dail @caseys-soup-corner @shoogachi @killy @missusmousseÂ
@j0ckhead @whoopsiedaisy20 @squidie-tittie @dreamingamongthestars @trexpelÂ
@mischief16 @foulharbor @draginfyre16 @tangerinesteve @3amsnowÂ
@fruitpuddle @wallsong @selkiesmile @suzakus-canon-wife @turquoisewavesstitch
@loutrem @thatlethalsoul @visemes @orange-coloredsky @dweamdoodles
@just-a-girl-0001 @samrobotize @aunty-matter @gamelparÂ
@roachie-paradise @queruloustea @ehjane @firebird963 @butchdykekondrakiÂ
@dinofur @cthulhu-with-a-fez @purplenickel @ysngie @paper-mario-wiki
#not choices#signal boost#đ#rhq art#rhq274#rhq2744#art campaign boost#art#palestine#free palestine#artists on tumblr
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Making a Mess
Pairing: Mingi x f reader
Genre: smut
Word count: 1.3k
Summary: Being on stage makes Mingi really, really horny. Luckily you're backstage to help him out.
Warnings: MDNI, smut, public sex, unprotected sex, bodily fluids making a mess on the floor...
A/n: Heard an audio on here today and well... my brain started working overtime. I need him to destroy me. My bestie challenged me to write something short finally đ hope you enjoy! <3
I wrote a part 2/expansion of this story called Cleaning Up which you can read here!
<^><^><^><^><^><^>
Being on stage always had an affect on Mingi, one visceral and tangible, obvious even to fans with a keen eye. The lights, the production, the sea of screaming people chanting his name, it all riled him up more than anything. Staring out at the massive arena, the music deafening loud as he rapped through ragged breaths, his nerves were on fire. Exiting the stage he ripped off his jacket, lumbering quickly towards the changing rooms on his way to find you.
You, his companion on tours. His close... friend? Not really. No one asked questions, least of all you two. But you knew why you were here, why he needed you patiently waiting with the rest of the staff, ready to help him at a moment's notice.
"Y/n," Mingi huffs as he busts through the door, his lungs heaving from the heat he's feeling, his makeup making his eyes look dark and demanding. A small smile sneaks onto your lips as you rise, following him out into the hall, a sprinkling of random people wandering past you at varying speeds. You've both been in this arena a few times before, and you know exactly where he's taking you. He's got about seven minutes before he needs to be back onstage again, so it can't be too far. Not that either of you are thinking about that right now. You duck down another small hallway and then his hands are on you, pushing you against the wall by your hips, his open mouth colliding with yours as you both sigh in anticipation, tongues roaming each other's mouths. You can hear a pair of shoes squeaking down the perpendicular hallway, a small golf cart running by somewhere in the distance. You're not really covered here but it doesn't matter. It only adds to everything.
Mingi pulls back with a nip to your lower lip, burying his face in your neck as he snakes his hands underneath your shirt, squeezing over your entire body while biting down, marking you just like he did a few days prior, where a small yellow bruise is still healing. A small yelp escapes your lips at the pain, your entire body buzzing with pleasure as he so aggressively plays with you, making your knees weak. Not wanting you to fall he moves to grab your waist, lifting you up the wall as you wrap your legs around his hips to anchor yourself. At this angle you can feel how hard he is, just like everyone saw moments ago on the big screen.
"Was it a good set?" you ask breathlessly, your faces only inches apart.
"Fuck yeah," he responds before kissing you again, a hand coming to rest behind your head as he pushes into your mouth even further, reveling in the feeling of your warm tongue on his. "Fuck I needed this," he groans, his other hand gripping your hip to help support you, his hips grinding into yours as he tastes your sweet lipgloss, your perfect eyes shut in pleasure as he digs his hand into your soft flesh. Soon he's unbuttoning his pants, your hands coming to rest on his shoulders as he holds you up with just his hips. He's unzipping hastily, desperately grabbing at his cock to free it, squeezing his shaft as he lines himself up with you. Your exercise shorts are just loose enough, with no underwear underneath of course, for him to push them to the side and reveal your soaking cunt, your body getting worked up long before he came and got you. Shakily he lines himself up with your entrance, his blood pumping through him so fast as he slowly pushes in, the stretch immaculate.
"Fuck, Mingi," you whisper, shocked every time by how big he is, how good it feels. Slowly he starts rocking his hips into yours, your wet pussy making lewd noises echo down the hallway. Moving his hands back to your hips Mingi lifts you just a bit higher, giving him the perfect angle to start fucking you hard, the wet noises replaced by the slapping of skin, over and over and over.
"How are you always so wet?" he groans in your ear, his mouth nipping at your lobe and making you whimper. Pulling back he watches your face from just inches away, loving the way your brows are scrunched up and your mouth hangs open as you try not to moan too loud. Your body bounces with the force of his thrusts, your hands still anchoring on his shoulders as he pounds into you even harder, his grip on your hips so strong it will surely leave bruises. Your pussy clenches down on him as he hits your cervix repeatedly, ripping little orgasms out of you over and over, your legs shaky as you hold onto his hips for dear life.
"God, you drive me fucking- fuck- crazy," he whispers in your ear, his cock throbbing from the feeling of your wet walls squeezing down on him. "You cum so fast on my cock," he groans, his head spinning as his climax quickly approaches. You've already fallen over the edge multiple times, your body shaking hard now as you just try to hang on, unable to respond to him as you keep yourself from screaming into the open hall. He's absolutely ravishing you, his movements sloppy as he chases his pleasure, your wetness dripping down onto his pants, the floor. Suddenly his orgasm washes over him, his hips stuttering before coming flush with yours, as he shoots deep inside you, his cum filling you with warmth. It's a lot, too much for your pussy to contain, and small amounts start dribbling out of you already, even with his cock still buried inside you.
"Fuck, what would I do without you," he sighs into your hair, kissing your forehead before moving to your lips. He moves his hands around your back, pulling you up towards him in an embrace as you breathe hard. Your arms rag doll down to your sides as you sigh, your head resting heavy on Mingi's shoulder, and he chuckles. "You good?" he whispers, and you nod your head in response. You nuzzle your face into his neck more, making him pause for just a moment, letting a bit of time pass with you both still entangled.
And then it's finally time for him to slowly pull you off of him, both of you watching as the rest of his cum drips out, down your legs and onto the floor, leaving a small puddle. There's a smirk on his face but your cheeks are bright red with embarrassment, even if this wasn't the first time that's happened. For a brief moment his chest tightens, knowing that you find it a bit mortifying letting him have you so publicly. It's all so hot and so shameful all at once, making you quiet and shy, and with your eyes on the ground your hand on his arm is the only sign that you're still wanting him next to you.
"Come on," he says, helping you start to move the rest of the way down this small hall that had a bathroom at the end of it. This really was the perfect arena for this, given the out-of-the-way private bathroom. You wish all of the arenas they toured had this set up. Your legs wobble as you make your way down, Mingi's hold the only thing from preventing you from falling. And then you're finally there by the door, about to swing it shut when he gently grabs your shoulder turning you around. His eyes are swimming with satisfaction as your face meets his, and he leans down to pull you into a kiss again, this time sweet and gentle.
"Mingi, get your ass back here!" you hear a voice scream from down the hall, the sound sharp from ricocheting off the brick walls. And just like that he's gone down the hallway, running on somewhat shaky legs of his own. But not before planting one final kiss on your nose, making your stomach light with butterflies, your core clenching from the sweetness.
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Help a Family from Gaza Rebuild After Losing Everything
My name is Mohammed, a 22-year-old from Gaza. Before the war, my father worked in the West Bank to support our family. However, since the war began, we lost all contact with him. Now, the responsibility of taking care of my family fell on me and my twin brother hosam. Tragically, my brother was killed by a sniper while simply trying to bring food for our family.
Today, I am left alone, trying to care for my mother, Jamila, my five siblingsâYasmin, Asma, Nermin, Jameel, and Ahmedâand my grandmother, who suffers from diabetes and high blood pressure.
Our lives were already challenging, but the war shattered everything. I used to work to support us with my car, but it was destroyed in a bombing, leaving me unemployed.
My eldest sister, Yasmin, is battling cancer while trying to complete her university studies. She has finished two years of her bachelor's degree, but now she desperately needs urgent medical treatment to continue fighting her illness.
Another sister, Asma, graduated with an outstanding GPA of 91.8% and was working as a lecturer at Al-Aqsa University before the war. She dreams of continuing her education and pursuing a masterâs degree.
The airstrikes destroyed our only safe havenâour home. We were forced to flee to southern Gaza, seeking refuge in Rafah. But even there, we had to evacuate and move to Khan Younis, though we had to stay on the move, never finding lasting safety.
Now, we are left homeless, without an income, and with very limited access to basic necessities. We live in constant fear, unsure of what tomorrow holds. Our situation is dire, and we are in desperate need of help to cover Yasmin's medical expenses, continue my siblings' education, and care for my grandmother and the rest of my family.
Any support you can offer will help us rebuild our lives and endure this unimaginable hardship. Your generosity can give my family a chance to heal, pursue their education, and live without the constant threat of losing everything.
Thank you for taking the time to read our story. We appreciate any help you can provide.
#Gaza #GoFundMe #HelpGaza #WarSurvivors #SupportGaza #FamilyInNeed #RebuildLives #CancerSupport #Education @brokenbackmountain @just-browsing1222-deactivated20 @mothblossoms @aleciosun @fluoresensitive @khizuo @lesbiandardevil @transmutationisms @schoolhater @timogsilangan @appsa @buttercuparry @sayruq @malcriada @palestinegenocide @sar-soor @akajustmerry @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @feluka @tortiefrancis @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @visenyasdragon @belleandsaintsebastian @ear-motif @kordeliiius @brutaliakhoa @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @theropoda @tamarrud @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @skatezophrenic @awetistic-things @camgirlpanopticon @baby-girl-aaron-dessner @nabulsi @sygol @junglejim4322 @heritageposts @chososhairbuns @palistani @dlxxv-vetted-donations @illuminated-runas @imjustheretotrytohelp
#free gaza#deadpool and wolverine#bill cipher#stanford pines#gaza#gaza strip#gazaunderattack#gaza genocide#free palestine#palestinian genocide#i stand with palestine#all eyes on palestine#save palestine
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Would you ever share a piece of Lu Ten and Zuko having tea together in Zukoâs quarterâs? I think it would heal a part of me that was savagely destroyed as soon as I read the first chapter of For The Spirits.
There you are, Spitfire! Iâve been waiting for you!
Sorry Iâm late.
A story of two (For the Spirits doesn't know how to healânot yet).
#dema answers#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#atla art#prince zuko#for the spirits#new gods au#spirit touched zuko#Ghost Lu Ten#lu ten atla#lu ten#Lu Ten fanart#zuko art#zuko fanfic#zuko fanart#young zuko#ponytail zuko#atla fanfic#atla fic#For the Spirits Chapter I: The Full Extent#Do not fret my dear: Ten Ten is coming back soon#And when he does you shall be broken again#I swear on my life#Speaking of which#I think I'm ready to post Chapter IX. The art for that one isn't quite ready yet but... Omg am I excited to see your reaction to it#It's one of my faves and that's saying something#The name is A Rider Alone (Nightshade by The Lumineers anyone?) and features Zuko in the South Pole.#And that is all I shall say on the matter.
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Weâve Still Got Time
Summary: After receiving some life-altering news, you try to make Bucky understand that it's time to let the past go. Inspired by the song âFalling Slowlyâ (in my mind it was written just for Bucky ok đĽş) Pairing: Bucky x reader Word count: 3.1k Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, lots of tears, extreme fluff. A/n: English is not my first language, so sorry in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Enjoy! also, happy 2025 for us bucky girlies!!! our man is coming back soon! â¨
Bucky woke up to the sound of running water and a toothbrush being used. The white light from the bathroom spilled into the bedroom you both shared. The clock on his nightstand read 4:07 a.m. He slowly opened his eyes and turned to the side, realizing your side of the bed was empty. Furrowing his eyebrows, he wondered why you were up at this hour brushing your teeth. Unable to think of a reason fast enough, he decided to get up and check on you.
âWhat are you doing, sweetheart?â he asked in a confused tone, his hoarse voice carrying the weight of sleep. His hair was a little messy, and his metal arm reflected the soft light from the bathroom. He was shirtless, and his gray sweatpants hung just above his hips.
âIâm sorry I woke you, Buck,â you replied, drying your face with a small towel. âI donât know. I think I must have eaten something that didnât sit well with my stomach. I just woke up feeling really nauseous. I threw up, but at least I feel a little better now.â
Bucky closed the distance between you, moving toward you slowly and giving you a quick kiss on the forehead. His expression was serious, his lips almost forming a pout.
âWhy didnât you wake me up? I feel bad knowing you were sick all by yourself.â
He held your face softly, and you looked up at him, scanning his features and silently admiring how concerned he always was for you. You couldnât understand how someone so caring could think such terrible things about himself and carry so much guilt when this was the man he really was: calm, reliable, attentive. You prayed he could see it someday, too.
âI wouldnât wake you,â you replied, caressing his cheek gently. âI know those nightmares have been coming back these past few weeks, havenât they?â
He looked down, ashamed he hadnât been able to hide them from you. You always knew.
He sighed and nodded, reluctantly admitting the unpleasant truth. His nightmares came in phases. Sometimes, they haunted him almost every night with terrible flashes from his past â people he had killed, accidents he had caused, futures he had destroyed. Or worse, scenarios in which you would get hurt. Sometimes, by him. Those were the worst ones. Other times they would come less frequently, almost letting him believe that he was making progress in his âhealing journeyâ, as you liked to call it. But they eventually came back. To him, they were proof he would never truly be at peace, never able to leave the past behind.
âYes, as usual,â he admitted. âBut itâs okay. You donât need to worry.â
âThatâs impossible,â you replied, already recognizing his habit of downplaying things and subtly pushing you away, retreating into his world of self-loathing. âIâll always worry. I just wish you would have talked to me about it.â
âIâm sorry,â he said while engulfing you in a warm hug. He had a defeated expression in his features that made you even more worried. God knows what kind of thoughts he was having about himself. You wish you could take them away.
âLetâs just go back to sleep, so youâre rested and feeling better in the morning. Deal?â You smiled weakly and decided to let the matter go, for now. âDeal,â you agreed, letting him take your hand and guide you back to bed. For the next few weeks, you continued to have moments where you felt unwell.
You couldnât quite put your finger on it, but your body started to feel different. Your stomach was more sensitive than usual, leaving you with the now-familiar waves of nausea. You felt sleepier at random moments during the day, and your stamina during training sessions at the compound suddenly diminished. You felt more out of breath during workouts and sparring. And food began to smell and taste different. One morning, the pancakes Bucky made you almost daily for breakfast smelled âeggierâ than usualâyou could smell the eggs in the batter from what felt like miles away.
After weeks of feeling like this, you thought it was probably due to low vitamin levels and decided you should schedule a routine doctorâs appointment soon.
But in one of your weekly sparring sessions with Natasha, you started to feel a slight dizziness, so you asked her for a time-out.
âAre you okay?â she asked, raising one of her eyebrows.
âYeah, I justâI donât know. Iâve been feeling kind of weak for a while now,â you admitted, closing your eyes and resting a hand on your forehead in an attempt to steady yourself. âI think I just need to get some blood work done. Itâs been a while since my last check-up.â âWeak how, exactly?â
âI feel like Iâm always tired lately. More worn out. And my appetite is all over the place.â
Natasha looked at you with a suspicious expression before asking an unexpected question.
âHmm, feeling weak, huh? Have you taken a pregnancy test?â
Your eyes shot open, and you stared at her, trying to process what she had just said. âWhat?â
âYes, have you?â Nat repeated, crossing her arms and leaning into one hip with a slight smirk as if she knew something you didnât.
âI- No, I- I didnât⌠My period is only two days late, which is sort of normal for me. Do you think I should?â you questioned her, not knowing if you were talking more to yourself or to her.
â(Y/n) yes, you should! Have you talked to Barnes about it?â
âNot really. I didnât pay much attention to this. I didnât have time to.â
The truth was, you and the whole team had been preparing for an important mission in a few months, one that had been weighing heavily on Buckyâs mind especially, since it involved Hydra. The team was set to infiltrate a secret Hydra base in Hungary in order to retrieve intel on potential undercover Hydra agents within S.H.I.E.L.D.
You were almost sure this was the reason Buckyâs nightmares had gotten worse. He tensed up every time you or someone else mentioned the mission, or during training, probably dreading the feeling of going back to a place so connected to everything that he wanted to forget. He tried so hard to hide it but for you, it was so easy to sense his anxiety. The way his blue eyes grew distant, drifting to the floor as if trying to escape his own thoughts. Or how his fists clenched, fingers pressing into his palms almost to the point of pain, while he tried to take deep breaths every time Steve went over the mission details with the group.
âThen take the test,â Natasha urged, stepping closer and putting a reassuring hand on yours when she noticed the frightened look on your face. âIf youâre pregnant, you need to know before the mission. And you need to tell Barnes. You both need to decide if going on this mission is still an option.â
âBut Natâ you began, squeezing her hand, feeling so scared and unprepared for the scenario she just mentioned. âI- I donât know if Bucky is in a good headspace for this now. Heâs been so off lately. The Hydra stuff has been really getting to him.â
Natasha offered you a comforting smile, her confidence and support unwavering.
âYouâll both be fine. Iâm here if you need me. And Steve is, too.â Later that same day, you found yourself in a situation you never imagined youâd be in right now.
Trembling hands, tears streaming down your face, and your heartbeat drumming loudly in your ears. A white and blue pregnancy test sat on the marble counter of your bathroom. You stared at the word that appeared on the small screen.
+ Pregnant
You froze. You looked at yourself in the mirror and blinked a few times to make sure you werenât dreaming. You werenât. A wave of happiness washed over you. So much happiness. It was unexpected, yes, but you had always told Bucky he would be a wonderful dad. Yet every time you brought up the subject, heâd say he would like to be a father someday, but that it probably wasnât a good idea. According to him, he could never be a good role model for a child.
Your first thought was running to Nat or Steve. You wanted to tell one of them and hear that everything would be alright, that Bucky would be alright with all of this. But it was already kind of late. Theyâre probably asleep by now, you thought to yourself. At the same time, you knew the person who really needed to know about this was in the living room, watching a random reality TV show with Sam.
You couldnât bear to be alone another minute. The anxiety was overwhelming.
You decided to text Bucky and ask him to come to your room. If you went to the living room, there was no way Sam wouldnât notice something was up, and you didnât need another situation right now.
âCan you please come to our room, itâs urgent.â You texted and hoped he would check his phone as soon as possible.
Not even five minutes later you heard the door of your room open, followed by anxious footsteps entering the room.
âSweetheart? Are you okay? I just got your text.â Bucky asked, his voice filled with concern.
âHi, loveâ you said, stepping out of the bathroom and faking a half smile, searching for his hand and guiding him to the bed. You were terrified but at the same time you didnât wanna scare him. âCome with me, I need to talk to you.â
âWhat happened?â Bucky questioned, his eyes quickly searching your face for any clues of what might have happened. You could see the worry creeping into his expression.
You sat next to him on the bed and held his hands tightly. The cold touch of his metal hand on yours offered a brief distraction from what you were about to tell him. You took a deep breath, still unsure how to begin. You decided that starting with some context might be easier.
âSo, basically, for the past few weeks, Iâve started to feel a little⌠off. Do you remember the night you woke up because I felt sick in the middle of the night?â
âYes, I doâ Bucky answered calmly, trying to figure out where you were going with this.
âWell, besides that, Iâve been feeling different. My stomach has been constantly upset, my appetite has been strange, Iâve been feeling more tired than usual, and Iââ
â(Y/n), are you sick?â Bucky interrupted, already imagining all the worst scenarios in his head.
âBuck, noâ you replied quickly, closing your eyes and trying to breathe to calm yourself down. âListen. As I was saying, I talked about these symptoms with Nat today and she⌠she asked... if I had already taken a pregnancy test.â
You paused, watching his face closely for a reaction. He seemed to freeze, taking a few seconds to process your words. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath â a breath that felt heavy with sadness. It broke your heart.
He opened his eyes again and they were glistening with tears. His eyes looked even more blue than they already were.
For a moment, you considered not saying anything more, but you knew he needed to hear it â all of it.
âSo, I⌠I took a test just now,â you continued, your voice trembling as tears began to run down your face. âAnd itâs⌠itâs positive.â You wiped your nose with the sleeve of your sweater, struggling to keep your composure.
âIâm sorryâ you said crying, heartbroken because this was the reaction you had been dreading. You felt like you had ruined his life.
Now, he was the one silently crying. He still held your hands, his thumb softly tracing circles over your palm, his gaze fixed on your intertwined fingers.
âPlease, say something, Bucky,â you pleaded, the silence only giving your mind space to imagine horrible possibilities.
âNo, Iâm the one who should be saying sorry, (Y/n),â he finally said, his voice breaking as tears slowly streamed down his face. âThis baby deserves someone better. You deserve someone better.â
âWhat are you talking about?â you asked, reaching out to hold his cheek, your heart breaking at the words that he had just spoken. âWhat do you mean, âwe deserve someone betterâ?â
âYes! Yes, you do!â he exclaimed, his voice rising as he finally let the storm inside him surface. âHow is this baby going to grow up knowing all the awful things Iâve done?â
He got up from the bed, putting some distance between the two of you. He was still crying quietly, and it felt like he had been keeping this inside for so long. His body was facing the window. He couldnât even look at you.
âYou didnât do those things, Buck. The Winter Soldier did,â you spoke clearly, hoping that he would somehow believe it.
âIt doesnât matter, does it? I still did it.â
âOf course it matters! You didnât have a choice!â you raised your voice, frustrated at how he could still blame himself so much.
âEveryone tells me that, but it doesnât help, you know?â he replied, turning his body back toward you. His voice was low. âWhen I lie down to sleep, I keep seeing their faces. I can still hear their cries, begging for help, for mercy.â
âBuck, IâIâm so sorry,â you told him, holding your tears back again. Youâd give anything to take his sadness away.
âI donât think Iâll ever be free from what they did to me,â he stated, his face showing a defeated expression. âI know Ayo got the Hydra programming out of my mind in Wakanda, but still⌠itâs all here,â he said, pressing his index finger to his temple. âI remember all of them, and I always will.â
You got up and decided to close the distance between you. You raised both of your hands to his cheeks and held his face gently, making him look at you. You needed him to hear every word you were about to say.
âHoney, look at me,â you began, your voice serious but soft. âI canât even begin to imagine how you must feel. And I want you to know Iâd do anything â anything â if I could to make this suffering go away. It breaks my heart to see you in so much pain and not be able to do anything-â
âNo, sweetheart, but you do,â he interrupted you, wiping the tears from your face. âYou have no idea how many ways youâve saved me.â
He closed his eyes and kissed your forehead. Both of you were crying again, and you could feel all his gratitude in that one kiss.
âYou save me every day. It would be impossible for me to survive those nightmares if I didnât have your face to look at every time I wake from one of them.â He gave you a sad smile while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his hand resting on your cheek afterward.
You leaned into his metal hand and kissed his palm. Your eyes were once again glistening with tears.
âDo you see this, James?â you asked, hoping that he would understand what you were trying to show him.
âThis is you,â you continued, placing one hand on his heart. âThis is Bucky Barnes. The man who has a metal arm and touches me like Iâm the most fragile thing in the world. The man who makes pancakes for me every morning. The man whoâs afraid of punching me too hard in our sparring sessions, even though he knows Iâm a kick-ass agent.â
âThat you are,â he agreed, both of you crying and laughing at the same time. You quickly wiped his tears away.
âThe man who watches trashy reality TV shows with his friend on a Thursday night. This is you. And this is the man who is going to be the father of my child,â you finished, placing his flesh hand on your belly.
He continued to cry. You just prayed that your words would finally make their way into his heart.
âSo tell me, how could you say I deserve better? That this baby deserves better?â
He was still looking at his hand on your belly, trying to understand how he could still be worthy of having a family after he had destroyed so many others.
âLook at me, Buck,â you called, guiding his gaze back to you. âYou suffered enough. More than enough. Youâve warred with yourself for so long. Itâs time that you won.â
He closed his eyes and tried to absorb the words he had just heard. It was so hard for him to accept that he deserved happiness, but he was so grateful that you have never stopped trying.
âYou made it. Weâre here, and you made it. Now weâve still got time. Weâve still got all the time in the world for you to finally live. Your life, how you want it,â you continued, kissing the palm of his metal hand again. It was your way of showing him that you loved all of him, even the part that brought him the most pain.
âThis baby is so lucky to have you as a dad. And to be honest, this kid is going to brag so much to the other children about how his dadâs got a metal arm.â For the first time, you heard an honest laugh escape from his lips. The sound was wonderful.
âI donât know what I did to deserve you, but it must have been something really good,â he replied, finally pulling you close and giving you a warm kiss.
âI love you- we love you.â
âIâm so scared. I donât know how to do this. I donât know how to⌠be a role model for someone.â You could see the worry in his eyes. He was genuinely scared.
âBucky, yes, you do. You just have to be you. I donât need you to be perfect, I just need you to be here. Can you do that for us, Sergeant?â
He gave you a warm smile, filled with gratitude and hope - the hope you had just given him. He looked at your lips and kissed you once more, holding your belly delicately.
âYes, I can, maâam. Yes, I can.â he agreed easily âbut.. speaking of sergeant, now thereâs no way youâre going on that mission.â
âExcuse me? Iâm still in the first few weeks of this pregnancy. And how about you? This baby will need both parents.â
âOkay okay, so weâll let Uncle Steve decide who's going and whoâs not. Deal?â
âOkay, sir. Deal.â
Well, you have suffered enough And warred with yourself It's time that you won Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise your hopeful voice, you had a choice You've made it now ~~ Falling Slowly (from the musical Once)
Feedback is always welcome, feel free to comment, like and reblog! Hope you enjoyed đ¤
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky x you#marvel x reader#marvel fanfiction#marvel imagine#tfatws#the winter soldier#the winter solider x reader#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#bucky barnes x female reader
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NO ONE TALK TO ME, CHAPTER 15 OF SLWY IS FINALLY HERE
star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 15
pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, youâve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but youâve never met somebody like him.
there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that heâs always wanted to, but what he didnât anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
genre:friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers
warnings:cursing, mature content, fancy drinking, mutual pining, sexual tension, so much angst, kissing, making out, dirty talk, fingering, grinding, dry humping, dom!hyunjin, jealousy, more angst
word count:35K (ik the wc makes it feel v long but itâs really not that much haha)
a/n: im so excited to be coming back with this huge of a chapter for you guys. so much goes down and im insanely excited to share this next phase of my story with you. its v long so pls get comfortable with a blanket and snacks. I would recommend rereading the last chapter, if you can! thank you for still being here.
i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
He had fucked up. Even in the dimly lit drive-in theatre, the guilt on his face was evident. Hyunjin had never looked this devastated.
âI need to talk to youâÂ
Thatâs what he had said. The gnawing feeling in your gut got worse. Those words together, in that order, was never a good sign. You knew as much, and you knew whatever he had to tell you was going to be something bad.
âWhy did you leave in the middle of the film?â You asked, gaze darting between him and your friends.
Yuqi was staring wide-eyed, watching this unfold, soda cup clutched in her hands, and FelixâŚhe looked beyond irritated.
The movie could still be heard all the way over here. You werenât too far from the projection screen, and the speakers were right next to you. It was a horrible place to be having this conversation, but you couldnât wait.Â
What was he holding back?
Youâd always felt the safest around Hyunjin, but every breath between you right now was uncertain. He was fidgeting, sliding the silver ring off and on his finger.
âI was on my way back to you whenââ Hyunjin paused, and the veins in his neck were prominent as he strained to be heard over the movie, ââwhen Felix found me. He wanted to talkâ
Keep reading
#i was working all of last night#but you best believe my greedy little ass was spending every spare second reading this#shocker to literally no one this chapter was an absolute masterpiece like all of the rest#i feel so healed but also completely destroyed by this#so much happened i think i will be processing this for at least 2-3 weeks#hyunjin reuniting and interacting with the boys was so cute and pure and fun#i had the stupidest grin on my face#and the cute phonecalls and text and pictures when he first moves back?#got me giggling and kicking my feet fr#but don't worry#i am still absolutely and completely emotionally devastated#âeveryone deserves to have someone like you in their livesâ#godamit you're gonna make me cry again#reading that made me realize all i want is for someone to love me like that#and don't even get me started on âyou have to know this sadness isn't foreverâ#fuck you're writing just gets me every time#like i have read hundreds of books and tics throughout my life#but i have never read anything that makes me feel so truly seen before#it breaks my heart and shatters my soul in the most bittersweet way#okay sorry for all of my rambling#i am feeling wayyy to many emotions for 6am when i'm still at work#once again i will never be able to thank you enough for writing this absolutely beautiful piece of literature#it will probably be my favorite fix forever#i will always be thinking of this version of hyunjin#i can't wait to reread this whole fic for the millionth time while i anxiously wait for the next chapter#anywho long story short no one talk to me for the next month while i try and fail to recover from this#reblog#stray kids#hyunjin#q: painting with hyunjin
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i finally decided to watch a video about oyasumi punpun after avoiding it as a teen and thank fucking god i did. yall were reading this in highschool?????
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streamer!vi hcs
part 2 part 3
my first time writing hcs so
warnings: none, fem!reader
pictures are from pinterest and they're not mine
streamervi: her streamer name is @/vistandsforviolence
streamervi: her rooms is a fucking mess, the walls are filled with mishmash of posters, stickers and colorful doodles jinx drawn on the wall herself. The floor is a sea of tangled cables, snaking around piles of discarded energy drink cans, scattered notebooks filled with doodles and half-written to-do lists. Her bed is a disheveled mountain of blankets and pillows with one corner serving as a laundry basket for her favorite band tees and worn-out jeans. It 100% stinks in there.
streamervi: set up is even worse, her streaming equipment is scattered across every available surface: a webcam held together by duct tape and hope, a ring light that flickers with an eerie glow, and a microphone that's seen better days. The desk is a minefield of controllers, half-eaten snacks, and sticky notes with hastily scribbled gaming strategies.
streamervi: has the wors wifii, she would probably stream better from a cave in the middle of nowhere.
streamervi: if jinx is home when she is streaming, everytime vi leaves the stream to go to the bathroom or get some snacks, jinx run in her room and takes her place ''hello guys it's jinx again, the cooler sister here to reveal all the dark secrets of vi'' and it would end up with vi wrestling a screaming jinx out of her room ''SHE WET HER BED TILL MIDDLE SCHOOL''
streamervi: she plays dark souls sice she started streaming ad still hasn't finished it (probably destroyed 25 controllers playing it). Everytime she dies, which happens more often than she'd like to admit, she slams the controller down on the desk screaming ''I'm done with this shit man'' but dives back in the game thirthy seconds later with a "alright, Dark Souls, you think you've seen anger? you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
streamervi: she totally cried all her tears playing the last of us and has a crush on ellie always making comments throughout the gameplay ''man she is so hot'' ''look at those arms'' ''if she is not ellie i don't want her''. She giggled watching the dina and ellie couch scene ''get that girl ellie!'' and a second after when she got in a chasing part of the game she bacame an anxious mess ''i want to go back to banging on the couch, i want to go back to banging on the couch''
streamervi: hates horror games but the chat is always requesting them because her reaction are hilarious. Everytime she plays an horror game her hands get sweaty and she secretly lowers her headphones's volume because the soundtrack makes he anxious. She suddendly start reading the chat every two second just for an excuse to pause the game and end up bickering with them
@pinksmasherz ''guys she is scared shitless, she alredy paused 10 time and it's only been 15 minutes lmao''
''you know who was scared? your mom when she gave birth to you'' before literally jumping from her seat ten seconds after and close the game.
streamervi: totally posts thirst traps in her ig stories and brags about the numbers of girls who liked it during her streams. She shows the pictures to the chat and smirks ''bet you losers want to be me so bad''
@sapphicnightmare: ''delulu is the solulu''
@zaunfinest: ''bet she never had a girlfriend in her entire life #vstandsforvirgin''
@getjinxed: ''I'm her sister and i can confirm she is a loser and a virgin #vstandsforvirgin
''Powder get the fuck out of my stream or I'll tell vander you blew up the mcrowave again''
@getjinxed: ''#worstvirginsister
streamervi: who totally has a crush on you since you two got matched up playing valorant. vi was being her usual self, she started talking a mile a minute and cursing at the enemy team as she got more and more worked up. you found her endering so when she complimented you about a skilled heal ''Nice one!" you decied to turn on your mic ''thanks'' she suddendly got into gay panic as she heard your voice and ended up dying
Her chat went wild
@piltiegoth: "very smooth"
@Ekk0:"Looks like she's finally found someone who can shut her up!"
@zaunfinest: "she is totally blushing, what a loser"
@getjinxed: ''#vstandsforvirgin''
''not that hashtag again''
streamervi: who silently sends you a friend request as the game ended. You became a constant in her lives, she always askied you if you were up for a game together even tho her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink, visible even through the webcam's glow every time you said something and she stumbled over her words, calling you "dude" one second and then switching to "bro" the next, as if trying to find the perfect term of endearment.
streamervi: when you two finally exchanged ig she was having dinner with powder and vander and almost choked staring at your picture. powder peeked to her screen from where she was seated next to her.
''who is @pixelprincess? wait isn't she that girl you always play valorant with during your streams? the one you've got a crush on?''
powder asked her munching over a chicked wing as vi got red faced
''i don't have a crush on her''
vi said but the words came out high pitched and totally fake
''yeah right, you always try to act cool when she is playing with you lowering your voice and shit, loser''
powder snikered as vi just got even more red and glared at her
''she is totally out of your league sis''
streamervi: who after months of pining after you (even the chat was tired of her loser crush on you) and powder threatening to reveal her baby naked pictures on the internet, finally asked you on a date. you met in a cafe downtown, she was so nervous she ended up talking the whole time and spilling her coffe all over the table. By the end of it she was sure you were going to block her as soon as you got home and never talk to her again. After she insisted to walk you home and you were standing in front of your home she took a deep breath.
''Listen I'm so sorry about the coffee. And the talking. And just⌠everything. I promise i'm usually not such a mess but i'll understand if you if you'll never want to see me again...''
she started rambling and only shut herself up when you planted a quick kiss in the middle of her cheek
''I liked it''
you smiled at her as her cheeks flushed and she brought a hand over the skin you just brushed with your lips.
''you liked it''
vi repeated as she stood stunned watching you nod your head, your pretty smile never leaving your face. And in that moment she knew she was a goner
streamervi: who the night after she kissed you for the first time, not a kiss on the cheek, not a peck but a proper kiss turned on her stream still high on dopamin from your date just to scream
''LESBIAN WON AGAIN!''
as she stood in front of her screen with her fist raised in the air and a stupid grin on her face.
''are u hearing this guys? sorry to break the news like this but i'm oficcially off the market ladies''
@sevikunt: ''she probably kidnapped her''
@viktorious: ''trolling''
@chadjayce: ''I refuse to live in a world where she actually get laid and i'm still single''
@pixelprincess: cute âĄ
@getjinxed: FUCKING FINALLY
vi was staring at your message in the chat with a stupid lovesick grin on her face
@getjinxed: oh no she is even worse than before
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