#reading bad stuff in public
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read a smut so bad after gym last night I literally cried. 10/10, would recommend
#random stuff on my account like usual#me and my weird fic reader habits#smut#bad smut#reading bad stuff in public#i even forgot about the horrible time i was having#thank you to whoever wrote that it was so so so terrible omg#i couldn't believe what i was reading#my face was 🤨🫣🥹 and my mind was 'whaaaat' because it was crazy
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Lolol sometimes it’s so funny reading peoples posts about “Mormon” theology that is based on Exmo stories, tradition/culture but not doctrine, and like random statements by some church leader 200 years ago that was not put into doctrine/canonized, or that he was corrected/reprimanded on, and all of us look back on like “well that guy was racist/sexist. Anyways moving on…” like tbh it just makes me laugh. Like I know our theology is a bit different than mainstream Christianity but y’all don’t need to make it sound like we are out here truly believing half the stuff you say about us.
#I need you guys to understand from the bottom of my heart#that all races are equal before God#no one is sent to earth inferior#white people are not the default setting#I also need you to understand that a church leader can make a statement#that is personal opinion#even in a public setting like general conference#and if it is not backed by doctrine/scripture then that is just that guys opinion#quit lending so much credence to brother such and such from 189-whatever#and read the Bible and Book of Mormon#christianity#the church of jesus christ of latter day saints#anyways rant over#tumblrstake#this goes for people in the church too btw#stop basing your view of people off of Bruce mckonkie#rip Bruce I’m sure you said some good things but all we remember is the bad stuff#sorry bro
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I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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Thinking about how the books introduce us to Narnia as this vibrant, beautiful land and then make us watch it die piece by piece. If you read in publication order you start with Narnia a place of wonder and magic even under the Witch's power and then the Pevensies save it and we get "the Golden Age" and Narnia is really something; if you read chronologically you start with Aslan making Narnia and everything so full of life and song that trees grow from everything that touches the earth and people laugh to be the butt of a joke because they (and everyone else) have never heard a joke before in the history of the world and jokes are fun! And then you read LWW and get to see what Narnia has grown into and get the Golden Age.
And then you read about a Narnia where people are in hiding and magic is a legend (even under Jadis, there was magic) and Cair Paravel is in ruins and lions and beavers are extinct. Cair Paravel can be rebuilt but lions and beavers can't be revived. The characters restore Narnia but it will never be quite what it was. It will never be another Golden Age.
We watch Caspian, boy hero of the last two books, die, grieving and broken and old before his time. Narnia is saved again and it's time for a coronation, just like in MN, LWW, and PC! Yay! Except this coronation will happen alongside a funeral. Underneath Narnia swims a dead kingdom and caves full of monsters waiting for the end of the world. Remember children, all things die.
The next time we open a book, we become the Pevensies, returning to Narnia to find centuries have passed and our magical home has become warlike and worn. Aslan has not been seen in ages; guard towers have been built around Narnia's borders for the many battles. Where are the clearings full of moonlight dances that Mr. Tumnus spoke about, back at the beginning? Tirian assures us Narnia is like that, in times of peace, only visitors from Earth tend to be brought over when Narnia is in trouble. We will not see it. Narnia was like that; good and beautiful and wonderful things did happen. Narnia is death. There will be no after the battle this time, no awakening land or Golden Age after cruelty is stopped. Cruelty and war have seeped into Narnia itself. Guard towers must be built: not a temporary war, but long term militarism. People turn on one another. Everyone dies. Narnia dies.
"I saw it begin," says Digory/the Professor. "I did not think I would live to see it die." Neither did we.
"I did hope that it might go on forever," says Jill. It could have. This is a story. Turns out it's a tragedy.
#unsure about posting this but i got a lot of followers from that soft heacanons post and people oughta know if they stick around#that my feelings about the narnia books are complicated#the chronicles of narnia#the magician's nephew#the lion the witch and the wardrobe#prince caspian#the silver chair#the last battle#nova actually posts stuff#this post happened because i was trying to figure out why The Silver Chair is classified as The Last Battle Part 1 in my head#despite chronologically being much farther from it than from PC/VDT#and realized something about vibes#just. the feeling of narnia slowly dying over the course of the books#i'm guessing it's not as bad if you're team publication order because you get HHB and MN before LB#and it's c s lewis's world he can do what he wants with it#but wow does it hurt to read
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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I continue to be in awe by the power granted to me by having learned to read scientific papers.
#it took fucking FOREVER and sucked so bad for like the first year but wow i can learn so much stuff now!#i still can't understand all of them because i am an ecologist and don't have the background for other fields but usually#i can at least get the gist and a few important details out of all but the most dense ones#anyways i find it reassuring that i can read medical papers about things that are relevant to me and see what the experts are#saying about it when they think no one outside their field is watching#sometimes the data matters more than whatever they say in the 'translated for public knowledge' version or even contradicts it#would doctors be pissed to know i can do this? probably!#yes i am aware of the risks of taking information out of context that i lack the background to understand#but i'll take it anyways because i need a way to reclaim some power in the fucked up mess that is#the imbalance of power between medical professionals and their patients#hylian rambles
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i am. SO fucking tired of ppl trying to make "problematic" fiction out to being the same fucking thing as shit me and other csa survivors have gone through. how do yall not realize how fucking disrespectful it is to have our trauma watered down to be equal to some shit thats literally not even real ????? THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING, ONE HAS AN ACTIVE REAL ABUSER AND REAL VICTIM, ONE IS A FAKE STORY ABOUT FAKE PEOPLE.
#there are ways to prevent minors from being groomed and that is MAKE SURE THEY HAVE ACCESS TO MANY ADULTS THEY CAN TURN TO#IF ONE OF THEM ENDS UP BEING FUCKED UP#ISOLATION IS A PREDATORS BEST FRIEND#IF YOU ISOLATE PEOPLE BASED ON THE FICTION THEY READ OR WRITE YOU ARE ONLY LEADING THEM TO MORE LIKELY DANGER#whether that be isolating them FROM people who read/write the ''bad'' stuff or isolating them BRCAUSE they read/write the ''bad'' stuff#do not assume just because someone likes darkfic that they are dangerous or someone that condemns darkfic that they are safe#people who loudly condemn things in public can (note: not always. but CAN) be more dangerous in private#you cant automatically trust people just because they insist theyre ''safe'' and ''one of the good ones unlike THOSE people''#trust and safety is something thats built and proven not just insisted upon!!!!#and note: i do NOT like this type of darkfic. its triggering.#but i know people who make it are not fucking hurting people by just making fiction in their own corners of the internet#csa tw#anti fanpol#ask to tag#im. so fucking. tired of this shit. i dont even want to be THINKING about this topic rn#but it pisses me off that ppl keep watering down shit me and others hsve gone through and i need to vent a little#discomfort is rising so ending this here to prevent my brain from ending in intrusive thought territory about my trauma
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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So guess who completely forgot that chocolate milk and strawberry milk is such a big internet thing and made a poll in the heat of the moment and now my inbox is full of T H E funniest tags but also now i can't find any of the non chocolate/strawberry milk debate stuff in the chocolate/strawberry milk flood i am drowning in
GOOD GOLLY
#i genuinely dont mind how bad im getting smoked because it is CO M E D Y G O L D#i will gladly put my dignity on the line in public as long as its a funny story later#the person i was debating with likes to scroll through the tags while im ignoring my phone#and read through her favorite of the mean choccy milk tags#right to me <3 its a good daily routine#anyway please universe do not let this one become a ten thousand billion note one i miss having like 12 notifications all about the blorbos#FR IM SURE I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT IF YOU NEED ME FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK and ill see it. late#the seeing it late is unrelated to the choccy milk thing#ive already made this announcement right before the poll thing#im making it again because theres a new reason im not seeing anybodys stuff#it is; being overwhelmed#in a good way i promise its really funny#but also oh gosh i have made a tactical error#i am lying in bed typing this instead of sleeping#if you read this far heres a fun fact for you; the human eye can percieve more shades of green than any other color#neat right#🟩📗🟢🍏🥗🥬💚♻️🐍🍃🌱🍀🤢🌲🌿#green :^)#ramblin
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Went on reddit last night, looked for LBFaD discussions.
I'm tired. I'm angry, but I'm also tired.
Gonna rant in tags.
#like okay a show is subjective#it can be hit and miss#i know this#and characters can be hit and miss#i also know this (very very well as the weirdo who thinks Yunzhong could have been a better emperor if he just got some)#(and Ronghao should have got grief counselling because then almost all the bad stuff would *never* have happened)#but if i see one more criticism of Yu Shuxin i'm gonna scream#she's playing a character#she's an actress#they're ALL actors#they're ALL playing characters#why were there so many people conflating the two#and then there were the really nasty personal insults of some of the actors that i read with my own two eyeballs#everyone has their favourites but to go out in public and insult - not just the characters - but the actors playing them???#why are people like that#was it too much to expect intelligent discussion#i mean objectively i can make myself see some of the points made#but i got real tired real quick of reading the same things over and over#i don't know if the rejection of Orchid is cultural or if we've just been conditioned to 'despise' certain portrayals of femininity?#when i first watched LBFaD i was SO into it#but then i think i implicitly understood what the dynamics between Orchid and DFQC were supposed to be and i absolutely loved them#to me they were the embodiment of persephone and hades#and the development of Orchid's relationship with DFQC is exactly everything i ever headcanoned that particular greek myth would be like#in the end these are actors who took risks and made decisions with their director about how to perform their characters#and i appreciate the risks they took because they would have *known* these were Risks in terms of audience reception#anyway#after emerging from reddit feeling sadder#angrier#and like i needed a bath to wash it all off#i'm reminded once more why i *do* prefer this hellsite better than others
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give tumblr 1-2 stars in the app store and leave a review explaining all the dogshit maneuvers they’ve been pulling recently i am so serious. it’s literally the only way they might start listening to users
#like. stop @ing staff it does nothing they never read that shit. i’m sorry#bad publicity is the only thing these bozos will give a shit about#and i mean bad publicity outside of tumblr itself. stuff people who don’t have an account yet but might make one would see#(banging my pots and pans) THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE EXISTING USERBASE
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trying not to worry too much until i see the cornea specialist but just thinking abt not being able to see my kitty's sweet little face anymore is so heartbreaking 😭
#i feel like this needs a trigger warning but idk what#trauma dump#disability tw#???#anyway i might go blind 😭😭😭😭😭#i have no idea if my condition is treatable or what the odds of success are until i see the specialist#but i am NOT being brave abt it#im really scared 😭#i know blind people love fulfilling lives and stuff but aaaaaaa#all of my hobbies are visual and im dyslexic so im worried i wont be able to read braille#i live in a rural area with no public transportation#im tone deaf and bad at math my job opportunities are going to be zero unless i go back to school for a whole new degree#ughhhhh#hopefully its treatable but it often resists treatment apparently idk tho#i have no odds on it yet so hopefully its a small chance#but it probably depends whats causing it and how far its progressed but i dont know that yet either#anyway#woe is me etc etc#never seeing a sunset never painting or drawing again never looking at my kitty or my dog's sweet little face 😭#its a really scary thought unfortunately#this has been a shitpost#pls don't reblog#personal#i was actually fine until i had the thought abt my kitty now i want to cry so bad
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you probably won't even care about yakuza by the time the plushies are out if we go by your track record
i cant even deny this cause my interests do tend to have a shelf life of one year and it'll be one year come june
#snap chats#i got back into rgg in june last year despite only really starting to make public fanart for it in july#i wouldnt say i wouldnt care wholly tho like im still hyped for DB stuff despite not drawing for it#like BT4 just got announced and im fuckin nutting to see gameplay of that#and i still keep up with the new jojo manga- even if i havent read 7 and 8 yet ☠️#wait can i say really quick my fucking computer auto updated to windows 11 and its fucking with me so bad#trying to grab that emoji made me want to die eveyrthing is so fucking SQUISHY#its not a matter of i wont care for it i just wont be so fixated on it#but who's to say it's hard for me to get into new things- like all the things i was recently into (db/kh/rgg)#they were all things i liked in the past that i figured id revisit during the pandemic#oh well. now im compelled to keep rgg posting for another year to spite this LMAO#i mean LAD8 is coming out next year not to mention gaiden#like i still very much have reasons to keep watching the series and the sort#who wants to find that fuckin. post i made mapping out my interests over time cause i needa check the data
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oh my god the 'fanfiction isn't books' post is on my dash again...I just think it's so funny how people act like this is such a cut and dry argument when content matter, format, quality, length, editing, medium, style, originality, production value, etc. obsfucates the designation of 'book' so thoroughly as to make the argument nearly meaningless. there is nothing you could say about fanfic as a category that can't also apply to some kind of book. a lot more things fit into that category than you might think, and it kind of doesn't mean they have any inherent superiority in format
#self published books...short stories....literal fanfiction of public domain media...webnovels....poorly edited novels....#genuinely really bad books#no I would never argue a fanfic is an original novel bc I think it's silly#but there are so many exceptions. yeah a lot of them seem like semantics or quibbling#but like. is eragon (self published) not a book? is longbourn (technically fanfiction) not? is mdzs (webnovel) not? obviously#those are absurd questions#there's gray areas that arise when you talk abt this stuff!#and I'm willing to argue that there's some fanfic with legitimate writing value that shouldn't be dismissed just bc it's free/from amateurs#that original book I just read was slightly less entertaining than the fanfic by the same author. worse plot#not that I don't think ppl should try to read more like....quality books. that aren't twitters threads or fanfic#like more...traditional books I guess?#it IS good for you it's an excercise for you brain it's rewarding#but you can read books all your life and if it's just self-indulgent nonsense like that's fine I like that too but you won't reap the rewar#of broadening your horizons like that#cor.txt
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I'm so confused. What the hell is currently going on in the fandom with Matt, Louise and everyone else? I just don't get it
basically louise posted a screenshot of her ig comment section full of comments hating on her, bringing up her controversies as well as taylor and alexa's relationship with alex, saying she stole him from taylor and he was better off with alexa. she defended herself telling those people to get a life, that they don't know her or alex or any of the people involved, and that she's a human being who has all the right to be in love with him (dare i say, that part was kinda slay). then amanda and matt also jumped on the whole thing and stood up for her. louise said all the hate is exactly why no one in their group wants to post anything, while matt threatened to log off again. you know. usual stuff
the thing is. people really need to stop going to her comment section lmao like of course you're allowed to dislike her and you can speculate all you want about their relationship but. for the love of god. keep it to fandom spaces where the people involved will not see it??? not on her actual comment section??? come on. it's not that hard to understand
#speculation on relationships is and always has been a part of being a celebrity. it comes with the territory#but you really need to keep it to spaces that are created by fans for fans. if the people involved then come and actively read that stuff >#then it's on them. but for people to go and openly constantly bully her on her own account is just downright nasty. get a grip#and again everyone is free to either support or not support her/her relationship with him but like. the public harassment is insane#i do feel bad for her#having said that i have mixed feelings about the way matt/amanda always word their support messages but im not gonna expand on that now lma#i mean i could if someone's interested but. you know. that's a whole 'nother story and not for this ask#answered
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