#to me there is a crucial difference between complaining in private to your friends and complaining in a public youtube video
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newspecies · 29 days ago
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on one hand i respect everyones right to be a hater and be annoyed by things that dont matter. on the other hand i dont think those "my art pet peeves" videos have ever added anything positive to the world
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thewoesoftime · 2 years ago
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Failed to put a title, edit of shame, Anxiety of Being Seen and John and John’s magical friendship
I was with John last night. Or he was over here. He is thoughtful and kind in so many ways, does he take an interest? Maybe, I sometimes wonder if my need to question and try to see the bad in the good, loving people around me, 
God I put my airpods in and how amazing is a little bit of peace. This noise cancelling is a life saver with this damn laptop and its damn fan. It simply refuses to not overheat. And it has this s key that gets stuck, its a little tough, a little chewy. Anyway what was the point? The fan drives me crazy.
I was saying to John how perhaps I just need to focus on my writing, because as I often am with him, I drive myself crazy, talking myself up and down a tree, and part of it, I’d wager, is because he gives little in the way of a sounding board, and I think that’s actually a crucial realisation about our communication and friendship, the dynamic is interesting and foreign and weird to me, and sort of scary and constantly unknown, its the kind of friendship that is sort of a secret and exists differently in public and in private, but the secret isn’t just between you two, its also in between both of you. It’s something strange and not articulated and sort of unknown and yet enacted by both of you.
And you see, part of the reason I drive myself crazy thinking about and discussing and complaining about the minutiae of my life and my problems with him is because he doesn’t input onto the things I bring up much of the time. And I feel that that stirs anxiety in me, cause I don’t know if he’s judging or thinks I’m mad or if maybe I’m on the right track - and here’s the mad thing! Partially, in some odd way, to please him, to get his approval I turn over the problem and stab at it from different angles, working myself into a mad kind of culinary frenzy until I feel completely overwhelmed and confused by problems and the thing discussed - when actually the frustration isn’t with the thing itself at all!
Yesterday John said that it’s not what you say but how you say it. And that probably encapsulates all there is to say about our relationship.
p.s. it also sometimes-often stresses me how him and Alejandra might talk of me when they’re together, especially all the in-friend-group talking about each other we do with the whole Alex situations. But yesterday he told me, and I didn’t understand what he meant at first, that the other day he and Alejandra had been talking about how I asked questions that people don’t want to answer and make them want to answer, I wish I could remember exactly how he’d said it. Anyone that’s probably the coolest (maybe? kindest? not sure) thing anyone’s said to me. So gossip within social group is normal, necessary, and productive, and they both love me, so the discussions Alejandra and John, even with Alex, they may have about me are not something I should be so afraid of. Being seen doesn’t have to be frightening. Being seen is mostly a function of the observer, and discussion even more so, be true to thine own self, love your friends, fuck everything else. (oh and be kind)
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awitnesstocorruption · 3 years ago
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Its live and ongoing; cultural change slow but constant and pervasive. The media reports tend to be argumentative political and furtively religious; authors of media articles become participants in the Pageant of Falsehood often thought of as The Way Life Is, tell your lies as homage to the Devil and in return he'll share that Glamour of Sin with you.
I dont know much about the movie & television entertainment culture, but apparently if CNN online is to be believed a lady actress or entertainer with an 8 yrs old crossdressing son is complaining about negative comments regarding her sons behavior. Wouldnt it be easier to jus put him on hormones and auickly stop his upcoming development into a pubescent boy? Isnt that what the article is leading up to? Otherwise why tease us readers with some purposeless news article? Circus freak shows are a thing of the past; Christian or pagan ideas about the binary gender aspect of human beings are private and the connection between having a vagina and wearing a dress is less of a reflection of human nature than a whim or choice.
I firmly believe that a boy developing and hrowing needs a human father figure who is sane and healthy and who lives with him; Yes I do fear for the future of children who have become the unfortunate pawns and toys of a political Rainbow which allows freaks like "Perez Hilton" types to play daddy. Its a fucked up country
But a caveat. This is from my own life; from my own memories; and its most certainly something which is crucially important to be aware of: human free will and the aspect of Love and character. I was just as transgender as that kid of Megan Fox but not public anout it; there was no Internet or social media and I apparently, to all eyes which were looking, part of a nuclear family with a biological mother and a male heterosexual step-father, but the step-father was obliged per religious differences of identity to abstain from trying to become an authority figure over me, the first born male. We were living on my fathers parents property, in a house they owned and rented to my mother. My father, my paternal heritage was Roman Catholic and my father dird in a drunk driving accident when I was a month beyond one year old, on Thanksgiving Day I think. At least that was what I was told until the person who appeared to be my genetic mother, a human possessed perhaps by the satanic actors of a group I no longer respect or believe, a spanish fraud of a group named opus dei became involved in my life, and then she claimed to tell me what she claimed was a truth hidden all my life
and so what Im attempting to explain without devolving into a sequence of insults directed at my abusers, Authority and the position of being a father figure to a boy or young man has a selection process involved; so for me, believe it or not, its your call, I found an acceptable father figure through a translated book found in a store at a shopping mall. Thats the reductionist account. It was the Confessions of Augustine of Hippo, son of St Monica. A statue representing him stands near the papal altar at the Basilica of St Peter on Vatican Hill in Rome. And later I also discovered the existence of a public figure who spoke my language, the only one I know, and he spoke it well. He had founded a magazine and had a PBS Network TV Show in which, to my amazement, he was free to be who he was. And oh boy what a delight and pleasure for someone like me. Its really ok to be American and to not be interested or even acknowledge cultural pursuits which mean nothing to you. Its okay to be yourself and enjoy friends and the culture which you like and fuck football and fuck democrats and planned parenthood types and Gore Vidal types etc etc etc
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ad1thi · 5 years ago
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meri pyaari tony
okay so @iam93percentstardust got me rly excited about this new au and even though im never going to write it i just wanna write a lil so enjoy everybody!! (hopefully this will clear up what i meant by not a happy ending but also not an unhappy ending)
//
The phone rings once, twice before it cuts off, and James’ back stiffens.
On the table, his mother’s fingers have stilled - frozen in the action of pushing the birthday card for his 10 year old nephew into an envelope.
The phone rings again, just twice, long enough to be unmistakable but too short to actually answer.
He looks out to the heaving rain, and without even thinking of reaching for an umbrella, he’s already sprinting across the grounds of his house, uncaring of how soaked he’s getting as he pushes himself up and over the gate of the neighbouring house and into the attic.
In the molten, rusty room, on top of an old suitcase that he’s seen Tony sit on countless times with his feet swinging off the ground - is a 6 year old boy; fiddling with the buttons of his jacket.
James runs his hands across his face, wiping off the water that’s collected in the creases of his forehead, and walks over to the kid.
He must look a state to the kid, sopping wet and uncharacteristically happy despite said dampness, but he can’t bring himself to care.
“I’m really hungry,” he says to the boy, grinning, “do you think I can borrow one of your fingers to eat?”
Instinctively, the boy puts his hands behind his back, shaking his head fervently and James pouts, “not even the one? You have 10!”
The kid is saved from answering from a call of “Peter!” ringing outside the attic, and James turns, watching Tony fumble with closing an umbrella and he pushes into the attic.
Its a scene that James has imagined a thousand times over, watching Tony meet him in the attic where their childhood selves because friends all those years ago - and yet his imagination somehow didn’t do justice to the scene in front of him.
It takes Tony a couple of seconds to realise that James is there, and his face splits into a hesitant smile thats over-run with a frown when the kid barrels into his leg.
Tony runs his finger through the kid’s hair, “go find your Papa Peter - I’ll be down in a couple of seconds”
He waits until the kid’s disappeared down the stairs to turn back to James, “so, are you guys bestfriends yet?”
“No,” James says, smiling that private smile he’d reserved for Tony, “but you know me - I grow on people”
“Its good to see you Rhodey,” Tony says, and its only the fact that he’s carrying his bodyweight in water while Tony is wearing an expensive suit that keeps him from crossing the room and wrapping his arms around Tony.
“I forget,” Tony says, settling down on the suitcase his son vacated, “was it 2 rings or 3 rings? Our emergency code?”
“2,” Rhodey says, lifting up his fingers, “but then again - everything was an emergency for you so we never had any other code”
“Dad told me you’d stopped by,” Tony says, “didn’t realise you cared so much about this old dump”
Rhodey chooses not to answer that, “So you’re finally taking Major Stark to your house huh? Took you long enough”
“I know,” Tony huffs, “we’ll be at each other’s throats by the end of the week, but what can you do?”
Tony gestures around the attic vaguely, “I wanted to give Peter a chance to see this house before he sold it though - let him see where his Dad grew up”
“Peter?” Rhodey raises an eyebrow, “like Peter Pan? And here I thought your child would have one of those weird names with an unnecessarily pretentious pronunciation”
Tony raises his hand to swat at Rhodey, and for a second its just like old times.
Rhodey settles down next to him, shoving him with his hip until Tony shifts enough to make space on the suitcase for him.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited for this moment?” Rhodey says softly, “I’ve imagined it 1000 times over. ‘Course, in my version you were in distinctly less clothing, on your knees begging for forgiveness while an epic revenge tune played in the background”
Tony chuckles, eyes crinkling into familiar crow’s feet, and Rhodey thinks that for all the years he spent hating Tony - nothing can compare to the decades he spent loving him.
“So, New York Best Seller Writer huh? You finally did it Rhodey,” Tony leans in with a conspiratorial look on his face, “I walked out on you way too early”
you shouldn’t have walked out on me at all, Rhodey thinks, but this isn’t the right time for that conversation.
(he wonders if there ever will be a right time for that conversation)
Instead, Rhodey asks, “have you read any of them?” and Tony scoffs, “have you met me?”
“I can barely get through the first couple of pages of essential stuff like manuals, do I look like I can read?”
“That being said,” Tony says, “with a cover that says The Wild Washerwoman will wash you away, and - fuck what was the other one?” he scrunches up his nose in thought, “Tricycle - it will puncture your life, how could I resist?”
It warms something dead inside Rhodey that Tony reads his books, that Tony knows them well enough to recite the gaudy catchphrases his PR team used to sell them.
“Yuck man,” Tony says, “honestly how far have you fallen for a couple of sales. I gotta say though, extremely entertaining”
“Yeah well,” Rhodey shrugs, “horror is easy. I’ve been trying to write a love story for the past three years now and I’m not sure how to end it”
the why goes unspoken, hanging in the air and making the room thick with tension.
Tony reaches out and cups his cheek, and it takes everything in Rhodey to not lean into it.
“you’ll finish it,” Tony says softly, “You’re my Rhodey - ‘course you’ll finish it”
Rhodey pushes off his seat suddenly, making it half way to the door before he remembers to turn around and tell Tony to “stay put, don’t move I’ll be right back”
And he runs through the rain again, ignoring the shouts of his father and his manager to grab the manuscript on his bed.
He pushes it under his jacket roughly and runs back, where Tony is still sitting on the old suitcase - legs dangling just above the floor.
He puts the manuscript in between his hands, and says in one short breath, “read it”
and so Tony does - though he does flip through large portions of the book and crucial plot points.
Its okay though, because Tony lived through those moments, so he’s allowed to embellish and skip to the end.
When he flips the last page and looks back up at Rhodey, there’s tears in his eyes - but Rhodey’s known him long enough to know that these are happy tears
“This is your version Rhodeybear,” Tony says, “mine would be a little different”
Rhodey shrugs delicately, thinking about the night he tore through 10 pages trying to get that final last first kiss right, “a happy ending sells right? Why - what would be different in your version?”
“Does it matter?” Tony’s voice is wet, “I like your version better”
“But you found your Mr Right,” Rhodey says matter of factly, and Tony just shakes his head, “more like Mr Right place right time”
“But,”  Tony wipes away the stray tear on his cheek, “he gave me Peter so I can’t complain. You should see me as a dad platypus, it’s like I was made for this role. Being a dad, thats the one thing I’m not a disaster at”
Tony holds out the manuscript, but Rhodey pushes it back gently shaking his head, “I don’t want anyone else reading this. Not my manager, not your husband, nobody else. The story in those pages, that’s ours, just ours.”
Tony leans up and presses a soft kiss on Rhodey’s cheek, featherlight but its what makes Rhodey reach out and say.
“I can still take you away if you want. Just say the word and I’ll carry you over my shoulder - away from all of this”
Tony opens his mouth to reply, but he’s cut off by Peter barrelling in, making grabby arms at his father.
Tony hefts up his son, arm caught around Peter’s waist and he looks at Rhodey with a mixture of nostalgia and regret, “I think I might be a bit too heavy for you now honeybear”
Tony leans in and rubs his nose against Peter’s cheek and in Rhodey’s mind, he’s right there with Tony - arms around the two most important boys in his life.
But in reality, there’s a distance between them, a space that try as he might, Rhodey can’t cross.
For the first time in almost 5 years, that doesn’t make him sad anymore.
you should see me as a dad platypus, Tony had said, and Rhodey’s seeing it now.
Oddly, it doesn’t hurt quite as much as he always thought it would.
“We have a party to get to right?” Tony says finally, setting Peter down so that they can walk down the stairs, “your nephew’s 10th birthday is it?”
The rain hasn’t let up, but in all fairness to his family - neither has the party because Rhodey and Tony make their way down to see a gaggle of uncles and aunts dancing in the grounds anyway, music coming from a speaker hidden away safely from the porch.
Peter runs across the field to a man with blue eyes and blond hair, who instantly bend down and picks him up - spinning him around and smiling when Peter shrieks about how wet he’s getting.
“One dance?” Rhodey asks, extending his hand out to Tony, “for old time’s sake?”
The look that Tony sends his way cannot be described as anything but pure adoration when he accepts Rhodey’s hand, giggling when Rhodey uses the momentum to pull him in close to his chest and snag an arm around his waist.
He’s consciously aware of the weight of the metal band around Tony’s finger pressing into his as they sway to the music, but it doesn’t bother him anymore.
To the rest of the world, he’s always be a Mr someone - but to Rhodey, he has and forever will be, his very first love, Tony.
Fin
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robert-c · 5 years ago
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Political Correctness
I saw a poll that said about 52% of us object to some part of what is called “political correctness”, thinking it has gone too far. I guess I would go with the majority, certainly you can find instances where the terminology has gotten silly. But I’m reluctant to interpret that result as support for those people who complain the loudest and longest about it. I think their complaint is different.
Let’s start with the simplest elements. Is anyone (except the extreme fringe) really that put out over not using racial or ethnic slurs? Does anyone we really want to take seriously object to using ‘developmentally challenged’ instead of ‘retard’? At this level, ‘political correctness’ is really little more than common decency and courtesy. Is that something you want to be against? True enough, some folks have gone overboard in coming up with new terms, but I usually hear about them from people who want to ridicule the idea, not from serious originators. In fact, I can’t remember hearing a tortured PC term from any actual advocate; I usually hear it from someone seeking to ridicule these terms. Which makes me wonder if they are real terms, seriously proposed, or something someone wrote speculatively to “fire up” their readership.
Of course, someone is no doubt thinking at this moment, the problem with ‘political correctness’ goes beyond the language – it’s a whole philosophy, a system of belief. The rest of that remark usually includes words like “threat to our…” way of life/values…take your pick.
I’ll agree that political correctness does represent a general set of beliefs. Its critics like to put forward the idea that this belief seeks to stifle other viewpoints. And yet in everyday life I’ve never heard anyone shamed and humiliated for being “politically incorrect” to the same degree as those opposing it tell it, or to the degree they do to themselves when they state something they believe is “not PC”. It’s meant to cast political correctness as some sort of oppressive and controlling ideology.
This is actually quite ironic. There was a time when racial and religious slurs were considered commonplace and people used them without the slightest sense of guilt. They even went so far as to presume that certain races or religions simply were inferior, lacking in some crucial ‘work ethic’ or ‘moral rectitude’. This was the ‘political correctness’ of my youth – a time of separate (but manifestly unequal) facilities for people of color  – a time of the ‘color bar’ in the public buses, behind which anyone who was not white must sit. Anyone who challenged this version of ‘political correctness’ was met with a great deal more social pressure than I’ve ever seen delivered for those opposing today’s version of “PC”. In fact, actual personal violence against those who opposed such segregation, or had the outrageous idea that black people could do white jobs just as well, was a lot more common than even the unfounded rumors from today’s fringe elements claiming persecution by the forces of political correctness.
There is a more important and fundamental difference between these two beliefs. If I had to sum up what ‘political correctness’ means to me I’d say it’s about treating others with respect, regardless of their beliefs, heritage or other circumstances. It would follow that I try not to make assumptions about other’s abilities, honesty, motives etc. based on those factors. That respect would include the idea that they have a right to choose their beliefs and even if I think they are wrong I defend their right to believe as their conscience dictates, all the while I express that I think they are abhorrent. For me it values the individual, because regardless of real or imagined statistics about “those people” it says I should take each person as they come, and not judge them guilty of some crime based on my speculation; just as I would want someone to do for me, rather than assuming I’m this or that just because I’m…<fill in the blank>.
It seems to me that the forces of “anti-political correctness” are the ones actually trying to stifle disagreement. They seem to be the ones who feel that any different idea is somehow a threat to their own, that any disagreement is somehow undermining their values. In my best idea of “PC”, while their bigoted ideas are still horrid, it doesn’t try to legislate them out of existence, only out of public enforcement.
For me this idea of inclusiveness and respect is perfectly in line with the best interpretation of our Constitution. It is also why this isn’t an equal fight between conflicting ideologies. While encouraging acceptance and tolerance, the PC forces aren’t trying to legislate the private beliefs of individuals, or who they invite to their house for dinner; only their public interactions. If you are open for business to the public, then it should be all of the public. It is this very tolerance for differences which will allow the bigots to continue to isolate themselves with friends only of the same race and religion.
In fact, it is the only version of a public “ideology”, if you will, that preserves everyone’s right to believe as they wish. It is the “anti-PC” forces that seek to outlaw, or boycott, or refuse contact with anyone who represents a ‘challenge’ to their ideas. It’s as if they cannot tolerate the idea that someone may be allowed to disagree, and do so publicly. You can see it in the clerk who won’t issue a marriage license to a gay couple because they personally don’t believe it’s right; or the business that doesn’t want to serve gay couples, or people who appear to be Muslim. Very rarely do you see the reverse, but when you do (as when the restaurant refused to serve Mr. Trump’s press secretary) they are quick to label it proof of oppressive attempts at political correctness.
Of course they have to promote it as if they are somehow being oppressed by being exposed to differences. Promoting the idea that this is an either/or sort of choice about which belief system will be the “official” one, is a misstatement of the issue. Claiming a right under your belief to regulate other’s private beliefs is the very core of a tyranny. The anti-PC forces don’t seem to mind a tyranny as long as they are the ones in charge of it.
Just as they mock rebuke themselves more than I’ve ever heard anyone from the “PC side” do, they must also invent causes of action to perpetuate the idea that somehow they and their private ideas are under attack. For example, promoting a law that transgender people must use the bathroom of their biological genitalia – as if the “other side” was trying to promote some sort of “open bathroom” policy. It is pure political theater. Anyone who can reasonably pass for the “appropriate” gender wouldn’t be questioned even today. How would this be enforced? Shall we have TSA type scanners at all bathroom entrances? And who would notice anyway if someone were in a stall?
I am, perhaps, a little naïve. I don’t believe that a large portion of my countrymen are really that narrow minded and intolerant. I certainly don’t want to believe it. I do think that many of them have been misled by hearing a constant drumbeat of the extreme “anti-PC” voices. Whether deliberate and well thought out, or just a “happy” coincidence, the way in which they have presented their case makes it easy to mislead people.
Misleading people is easy when they are at least a little afraid. It doesn’t matter if there is a good reason to be afraid or not – fear seems to drive us away from careful reasoning. And if someone is willing to exaggerate or fabricate, then fear can always be found – at the very least, change is always fearful and the world is always changing. The potential harm that comes from not recognizing the flaws in their presentation of the issue is much greater than you might imagine.
It begins with establishing the idea that there is a “right not to be offended”, and quickly moves to one that suggests there can only be one “culture” or value system in the country. It is the equivalent of establishing a state religion without being quite so obvious as a Constitutional violation, but it would have exactly the same negative results that the Founders sought to avoid by prohibiting the establishment of a state religion.
I’ll return to this idea in later articles, but for now let’s think about how often people you have just met seem to bring up controversial political topics and which side do they usually take. If your experience matches mine, it’s overwhelmingly the right wing – it’s as if they just have to spread their ideas and win over or intimidate others. Understand I don’t approve of random preaching from the left either, but just try to take an objective observation (regardless of your current leanings) as to who brings these topics up in a setting where they have known someone only a short time, if at all. Then if you can still be objective, ask yourself why is it so important for them to be converting others? Are they being prevented from living their life their way, are they being criminalized for being who they are, or for what they believe, for pursuing their own happiness? Or are they trying to say that living their life depends on others not “being in their face” about their differences?
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f05erxay-blog · 5 years ago
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kurtty-drabbles · 6 years ago
Text
Miss you love au
N/A: Kurt, suffer. In this au, Brian never dates Meggan, for once, Courtney is a good person in this story. Meggan is a proud Lesbian and only Kurt is too dumb to not notice. Also, yes, Kitty is an adult.
Miss you love Please, listen to this song...it what inspires me to make this drabble aside of my hate for canon.
@djinmer4 @sailorstar9 @dannybagpipesarecalling @discordsworld @look-ma-no-hands336
Excalibur is facing a blistering day. In fact, the weather makes impossible for most heroes to stay in the gears, everyone but Rachel Grey, who is content in wearing her traditional red leather uniform, the rest? Is making a compromise.
Meggan is wearing something fresh for the day, sweat is blasting her blond hair and she´s drinking as much of water as possible, Brian, her good friend, is also complaining about the weather. "The air conditioner has to be broken today?!"
Brian Braddock aka Captain Britain is not wearing his usual shirt and is trying with all his might to fix the air conditioner, with no success, Meggan is waving him off using an old magazine. "Hey, gentle giant, how the fight between you and the machine?"
Brian is frowing. "I think the machines don´t like me, Meggan, is impossible to fix this" he explained and Meggan in good humour just punch the machine and suddenly the machine is working again. "Well, machines like you"
Kurt is trying to gain Meggan´s attention, who in return, is making her conversation with Brian take each minute as she can. Kurt tries to gain her attention by mention the mail, but, Meggan suddenly has the need to take Brian´s arm and go inside the house with him.
Rachel, with her red leather uniform, is busy talking on the phone. Scott is pretty serious about "no mental call, use the phone next time"
As Kurt is ignored, again. His cellphone rings a familiar tone that belongs to one person. The song is a private joke among them and it makes Kurt smiles as he knows Kitty has the same song for him on her cellphone.
"Hallo, elf, how are you in this fine night or morning?" Kitty asked and Kurt can close her eyes and feel she´s here with him. Pleasantries are exchanged as Kurt explains how the day is too hot ("No, Katzchen is not a euphemism...although I´m indeed hot" "Kurt, are you shirtless?")
"Elf, do you really meant what you said last week?" her tone is now serious and Kurt can really picture her, pouting,  twirling one of her loose locks and feeling her fluffiest hair in all the fluffy.
"Of course, I´ll love to have you here, you´re my best friend, Katzchen" His tone is soft and he can hear her breathing on the other side of the phone.
"Then...yes, I´ll join Excalibur with you, elf" and Kurt gives some additional details about her entrance and only when Kitty hang up the phone that he realized he did spend the entire conversation with closed eyes picturing Kitty Pryde with her Garfield sweater.
____________________________________
Kitty Pryde was marked to arrive on 12 of May, however, thanks to the efficiency of the Airport and good weather, Kitty Pryde arrives in England way earlier.
Rachel Grey give a hug on Kitty Pryde. "Still with the cool outfit, Grey?" "Still with Garfield, Pryde?" a joke among friends and that makes her presence in Excalibur be even more welcome.
Brian shakes hands with Kitty Pryde. The man was polite enough with Kitty and Kitty can see his the leader, yet, Kurt shows up and is between Brian and Kitty.
"Katzchen, you´re here" there´s a different tone in his voice. Kurt's palms her face gentle and Brian never saw Kurt acting in such way before. "You choose to be here"
Kitty offers a nice smile. "Of course, elf, you´re not going get rid of me"
Meggan arrives at the scene and watches as the new woman finally notices Meggan. A smile is on her cute face and Meggan´s hair turn into a lovely shade of pink.
"Hi, I´m Meggan, I´m a super hero...and I can shapeshifter," Meggan said bluntly and Brian and Rachel are amused, Kurt is not seen why those two are so amused, and Kitty is impressed.
"You´re Gloriana!" Kitty speaks in her trademark tone putting her arms on her waist "the amazing Gloriana that is the strongest member of Excalibur and in the MI-13" and to be really unfair on Meggan flashes a cute smile and now Meggan is completely pink.
"That´s Meggan, she´s Brian´s girl" Kurt speaks to Kitty and Meggan takes offence of that.
"I´m no one girls and Brian has a girlfriend, Kurt, and I´m really single," she said looking at Kitty and Kurt notice the whiplash in her tone. Brian laughs at Kurt and explained how he meet Meggan, turns out, his stupid jealousy was even stupider as Brian is dating Courtney Ross and...most importantly, a fact that Kurt was too dumb to notice before.
"I´m gay, Kurt," she said as Rachel is laughing at taking photos of this moment. Kitty is left in the dark and prefers to not know what Kurt did in the past. Meggan looks at Kitty a bit afraid and she can understand this fear very well
"Oh, well, I´m American, Woman, Jewish, mutant and Bi. I´m full of pride of what I´m" Kitty said and told about her time in her first gay pride parade. Meggan feels safer now and the two talk excitedly. "Kitty, do want help to bring your stuff in?"
Kurt is the one left out. As Meggan and Kitty, along with Rachel and Brian are helping. Kitty is not materialist so she only has a few boxes with her, nothing really heavy.
And Kurt is left out.
____________________________
Kitty is the first on the danger room and is the one to ask to train with the elf, the nickname is still used and Kurt offers to spar with Kitty. It´s their little ritual.
"How are you, elf?" she asked looking into his eyes. There´s no need to lie about anything with her.
"I´m fine...surprised that Meggan is gay, but, fine...Am I the only straight member in the group?" he asked jokingly.
"No, Brian is straight too. You two can bond over that, the sad realization of being straight, poor Kurt...will never ride a unicorn"
"Well, I´d not think me and Brian will be friends that easily"
"Oh no, Flirtzilla strikes again?"
"Yeah..."
"Wanna talk?"
___________________________________________________
It was a sacred routine. 30 minutes of talking with Kitty, sparring with her or just doing nothing, it´s sacred to him. A routine that never in his wild dreams Kurt thought it would be broken.
One day, Meggan arrives in his doorstep, trying to be neutral, but, for some reason, Kurt does rub her in the wrong way.
"Meggan" the beautiful woman is still beautiful as always but she never truly smiles with Kurt. She gives a long sigh and speaks "I´m not here to apologise, Kurt, because if you feel like an idiot than it is your own doing, not mine, to be clear, I wouldn´t have picked you even if I was straight"
"Thanks, glad to know"
"I´m here because of Kitty..." her hair does not turn pink, instead, her checks do "she is talking about a book, the age of innocence and I heard you have a copy...can you lend to me?"
Kurt could lend the book. He´s not that into that type of literature, but, Kitty gave him this book, Kitty spend her money to give this book only for him and Kurt is not immune to be spiteful.
"You´re mistaken, I don´t have this book" Kurt states. Meggan does not believe. "Besides, I thought you didn´t know how to read"
Meggan should be angry by these words, but, she´s really not angry. She´s feeling pity and this is a look Kurt does not like. "I´m Roma, yes, but that cliche of illiterate Roma is a cliche that is not universal, I´m thankful for being able to know how to read and write, and would you believe I even went to school? " she jokes and continues "when I said to Rachel ''I can´t read this book'' you must have some gallant idea to teach this illiterate woman how to read, poor dumb Meggan, but, in reality, what I mean was ''I don´t like this book, Rachel and I don´t want to read it, ''
She gives a sad smile to Kurt. "Is ok, I know your foster family was a cliche after the other, but, not all of us are like them...and if you don´t want to lend the book, is ok too...I can buy a cope"
And with that, she leaves. Kurt is weirdly possessive over a book that is not even his favourite genre. A story about a love triangle is never his thing...but...Kitty gave this book to him. Only him.
______________________________________________________________ Today, his routine is being broken as Kitty and Meggan are talking about books and Movies and before anything could be said Meggan asks Kitty out. Kurt went to train alone. No Kitty went after him.
Next day, the routine is broken again. Kitty was called to give a class to students, it was a thing of last minute, she didn´t announce to Kurt, it was to Meggan.
On the next day, Kitty and Meggan are sharing jokes and telling stories about their past.
And on the next day, Kurt is alone on the danger room, no Kitty, and he hates this.
"Missing Kitty?" Rachel declares loudly in the danger room.
"She´s dating Meggan?"
"Yes, I think so, and she´s not here with you...but, you´re the resident manslut of this house, you´d not care, there are always other women for you to be a dick about"
"you´d not think I´m cable of loving a woman?"
"No" and relentless she continues "I can read your mind as Meggan can read your emotions. You put Kitty in this pedestal and thought she was your angel...she´s human and you can say what you feel for her...I did feel the same, but, I understand we weren´t meant to be"
"I love her," Kurt said and adds "and I don´t know what to do"
"Don´t be a dick is a good thing. Kitty thinks you´re avoiding her and I´m here to talk some sense into you...I know, me? I don´t like at all, but, hey...if that makes Kitty happy" Rachel trails of "so, stop hiding here or I´ll drag you upstairs if I have to"
___________________________________________________
Kitty´s hands, as Kurt remembers, are often tiny and warm, illustrating her personality in small but crucial detail. Kurt remembers how one time they hold hands. His big and blue hand are perfect for her delicate one. He remembers every vivid detail about that moment, yet, can hardly recall the woman he did date on that time. Well, it wasn´t dating, only sex, still, Kurt can remember more of Kitty(Katzchen) then the random woman he did sleep.
Now, Kitty can´t hold hands with him anymore, her hands are often holding Meggan´s.
"Ah, they make such a cutie ship" Courtney Ross, the Captain Britain´s woman, as Kurt mentally adds, is in Excalibur to celebrate the holiday. Brian is amused at the scene.
Meggan and Kitty helping to decorate the place. Both women have different tastes and ended up discussing the choice each one makes and in the end, they made peace with each other.
Kurt is left alone. Like always.
Kitty notices Kurt, and the elf can pretend that everything is alright. The man offers a big smile at her and Kitty give a small one. "Hello, Kurt," she said, no nickname, and that makes his heart drop.
"We haven´t talked much" there´s an accusation on her tone and is visible she´s feeling a bit guilty too. "I know you must have been upset that me and Meggan are an item now. But, this situation is stupid. You´re my best friend and I´d not want to lose you"
"And you won´t...I was being stupid, I have no problems with you dating Meggan" Kitty looked at him with those does eye. "...Are you happy with her?"
"Yes, and are you going full Wolverine over Meggan? I´d not want you to rip my photo to look at Meggan" she jokes in a depreciative way that displeases Kurt very much.
"No, believe I have no feelings for Meggan, never had and never will," he said and let Kitty touches his face(oh, feeling her fingers on his face is...too good) as she examines his expression. Kitty can always tell when Kurt is lying.
"You´re not lying. Can you forgive me then? I was a fool...you´re my Best friend and I should have reached to you hard" Kitty said and Kurt, pretending very well, as he mentions how there´s nothing to forgive.
Kurt didn´t lie to Kitty. He has no feelings for Meggan. He has feelings for Kitty.
And at the end of the party. Kurt saw Meggan and Kitty kiss. A good excuse that he needs to go to the kitchen to grab more drinks didn´t raise suspicions.
Kurt cries a little. Letting tears be the manifestation of his stupidity or how life can be cruel.
"I´m living the plot of age of innocence," Kurt said bemused. And clean his eyes as taking a good and deep breath pretends this is just a play and this is a happy ending.  Sometimes, the hero does not get the girl nor he deserves the girl. And maybe, Kurt reflects for a moment, that´s enough, sometimes, the hero does not truly understand love and can´t expect a woman to fix him.
Kurt returns to the party smiling as always and pretends very well to be happy as Meggan and Kitty are being such cute couple.
Could have been me there?
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sammlethal · 4 years ago
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Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?
Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.
My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.
That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.
That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.
Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.
I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.
Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.
Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.
Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.
You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.
Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.
I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!
I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.
She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.
We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.
And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.
All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.
ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).
And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.
She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.
And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.
So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.
So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.
I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.
But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.
How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.
I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.
How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?
Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.
And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.
Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.
I love you
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neptunecreek · 6 years ago
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Investigative Scoops Worth Rereading: Year in Review 2018
In an era where political and corporate leaders are attacking the free press as “the enemy of the people,” it’s crucial that we recognize the truth: journalists every day are uncovering stories that protect our rights and hold those in power accountable. Meanwhile, as the media landscape shrinks, non-profits are also stepping in to carry the load. Here are some of the investigative bombshells that we read, re-read, and shared this year. (And a big thank you to our friends and supporters on Twitter who helped us remember all the great scoops from 2018.)   
Give Me My Data
Engadget reporters undertook a massive task to find out who controls your online data:
A team of nine Engadget reporters in London, Paris, New York and San Francisco filed more than 150 subject access requests—in other words, requests for personal data—to more than 30 popular tech companies, ranging from social networks to dating apps to streaming services. We reached out before May 25th—when previous laws for data access existed in the EU—as well as after, to see how procedures might have changed.
 The result was one of the most comprehensive examinations of the state of play of consumer privacy across the major platforms.
Who Controls Your Data? - Engadget
Georgia On My Fender
One of the nation's most ubiquitous surveillance technologies—automated license plate readers (ALPR)—proliferate in the Peach State. Following in the footsteps of EFF’s research in California, reporters from different Atlanta media outlets teamed up to generate the first comprehensive portrait of ALPR data collection across the state. They filed numerous public records requests with jurisdictions deploying the technology, including obtaining two days worth of data from the Georgia Department of Public Safety. They created maps of how and where this data was collected and generated a visualization showing how one car can be tracked in near real-time over the course of a single data.
Follow The Trail of a License Plate - Knight Lab
Eyes On The Road - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Fake Friends on Facebook
EFF has long raised concerns with the practice of law enforcement officials creating fake profiles to infiltrate private groups on social media sites such as Facebook. This year saw incredible reporting on this epidemic, most notable from The Appeal, which revealed how Memphis Police Department created a “Bob Smith” profile to spy on Black Lives Matter activists. This lead EFF to successfully pressure Facebook to send MPD a cease and desist letter and update its online guidelines for law enforcement. Meanwhile, NBC News also probed the issue nationwide, while Gizmodo filed public records requests around the country to gauge how departments are writing policies for these types of covert investigations.
Meet ‘Bob Smith,’ The Fake Facebook Profile Memphis Police Allegedly Used To Spy On Black Activists - The Appeal
Very Few Police Departments Have Rules for Undercover Cops on Facebook, The Wildly Unregulated Practice of Undercover Cops Friending People on Facebook - The Root
Propaganda Bonanza
Visit EFF’s offices and you’ll be amused to find printouts of vintage National Security Agency posters taped to the walls (particularly in the restroom). These propaganda artifacts were obtained and released by GovernmentAttic.org, a transparency organization that does incredible work. 
The NSA Just Released 136 Historical Propaganda Posters - Motherboard
Facing Down Amazon
The American Civil Liberties Union kicked off multiple national and local news cycles—and energized an internal worker resistance—when it revealed through public records that Amazon was providing real-time face recognition (“Rekognition”) technology to local police departments. Documents obtained by the ACLU detailed how the program "can identify, track, and analyze people in real time and recognize up to 100 people in a single image" and "quickly scan information it collects against databases featuring tens of millions of faces."
EFF called for Amazon to stop providing its technology to law enforcement to power surveillance. We also called on technology companies to adopt a "Know Your Customer" program and for employees as those companies to advocate for implementing these programs to protect against future corporate involvement in these sorts of government efforts.
Amazon Teams Up With Law Enforcement to Deploy Dangerous New Face Recognition Technology - ACLU of Northern California
I’m an Amazon Employee. My Company Shouldn’t Sell Facial Recognition Tech to Police. - Medium Power Trip
Scooping the Messenger
In August, Reuters published a bombshell in the battle over encryption: the U.S. Department of Justice was trying to force Facebook to break its Messenger encryption in a sealed court case. As Dan Levine and Joseph Menn reported:
The potential impact of the judge’s coming ruling is unclear. If the government prevails in the Facebook Messenger case, it could make similar arguments to force companies to rewrite other popular encrypted services such as Signal and Facebook’s billion-user WhatsApp, which include both voice and text functions, some legal experts said.
In November, EFF, the ACLU, and Riana Pfefferkorn of Stanford Law School’s Center for Internet and Society teamed up to file a petition asking the court to release all court orders and related materials in the case.
U.S. Government Seeks Facebook Help to Wiretap Messenger - Reuters
FBI Exaggerations
Speaking of encryption: for years, FBI and Justice Department officials have pursued backdoors into the crucial technology that keeps our communications safe. They complain about the problem of “Going Dark,” the idea that encryption prevents them from investigating communications and devices. But it turns out that the FBI egregiously exaggerated in Congressional testimony. As The Washington Post’s Devlin Barrett reported:
The FBI has repeatedly provided grossly inflated statistics to Congress and the public about the extent of problems posed by encrypted cellphones, claiming investigators were locked out of nearly 7,800 devices connected to crimes last year when the correct number was much smaller, probably between 1,000 and 2,000, The Washington Post has learned…
The FBI first became aware of the miscount about a month ago and still does not have an accurate count of how many encrypted phones they received as part of criminal investigations last year, officials said. Last week, one internal estimate put the correct number of locked phones at 1,200, though officials expect that number to change as they launch a new audit, which could take weeks to complete, according to people familiar with the work.
In May, EFF filed a Freedom of Information Act request with the FBI to get to the bottom of this misinformation, and we currently working our way through the tedious FOIA process.
FBI Repeatedly Overstated Encryption Threat Figures to Congress, Public - The Washington Post
Silicon Valley Scandals
It’s been a year of huge scoops revealing how Facebook, Google, and other Silicon Valley companies have routinely failed to protect the privacy of their users (or actively violated it). In fact, we’ve had so many tabs open that we can’t adequately capture them all. However, here are a few that really stuck out:
Delay, Deny and Deflect: How Facebook’s Leaders Fought Through Crisis - New York Times
Facebook Is Giving Advertisers Access to Your Shadow Contact Information - Gizmodo (and just about everything else from Kashmir Hill this year)
As Facebook Raised a Privacy Wall, It Carved an Opening for Tech Giants- New York Times
Google Tracks Your Movements, Like it or Not - Associated Press
Your Apps Know Where You Were Last Night, and They’re Not Keeping It Secret - New York Times
Other Excellent Pieces from 2018
Still looking for more to read? Here are a few more pieces that we highly recommend:
Service Meant to Monitor Inmates’ Calls Could Track You, Too - New York Times
Cops Around the Country Can Now Unlock iPhones, Records Show - Motherboard
ICE is about to start tracking license plates across the US - The Verge
The Cambridge Analytica Files - The Guardian
This article is part of our Year in Review series. Read other articles about the fight for digital rights in 2018.
DONATE TO EFF
Like what you're reading? Support digital freedom defense today! 
from Deeplinks http://bit.ly/2CxlwGL
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mysurveys · 7 years ago
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Random Qs
Survey #8 on the Countdown to 2019!
What the hey, I’ll do another one. My eyes need a short break from all the anime goodness I’ve been getting lately.
Did you enjoy art class in high school?
I didn't attend a public high school. In fact, I left middle school halfway through the eighth grade and began attending a private Christian school with a much different teaching method.
It had all ages and the lessons were catered to your level on each subject. That meant I was very advanced in English for instance but way behind in math and science since I have dyscalculia.
There wasn't an art class. Why on earth do you really need such if you're not pursuing art at all? I can’t draw well. My visual-spatial skills are my second most problematic form of intelligence.
Which describes you more, a child at heart or an old soul?
I've been described as both because those aren't in opposition at all.
Being a child at heart means you can still enjoy the things from your youth and you might experience childlike wonder about things even as an adult.
Being an old soul means you're more advanced than your peers even at a very young age. It indicates a higher level of understanding, knowledge, wisdom.
My mother referred to me as the latter even when I was a tot. We don't really believe in old souls in relation to the concept of reincarnation, though. She just picked it up from others without fully comprehending the term.
Have you ever driven a sports car?
I've never driven a car at all. I think it would give me anxiety issues.
How old will the last person you kissed be on their next birthday?
I really don't remember his birth date. That was ages ago.
Do you believe it’s important to practice self-acceptance and self-love?
Not if you're using it to excuse yourself from becoming a better person.
There's a huge difference between simply stagnating in life while stubbornly excusing all of your flaws and actually loving yourself, accepting your negative qualities that can't be changed and truly embracing the idea that you can always be better.
What was the last thing you said out loud?
"Do you want to go outside?" That was to my cat.
Yes, I talk to them and it’s not just some gibberish baby talk, although I meow at them too. They’ll meow at me in return and we’ll go back and forth as if conversing in Chatanese.
Oh, the word “chat” actually means “cat” in French which makes that a play on words there. I’m so clever.
Do you have any nieces or nephews?
That's not a possibility for me.
Do you ever feel any bitterness towards those who have more than you?
I don't covet other's belongings nor do I feel envious of their status, and it’s useless for me to feel bitter about such things. It's a waste of time.
If I really want anything that other people have then I should get off my duff and work for it. That's all there is to it.
However, I don’t want a lot of things that are out of my grasp either and material goods are worth less than intangible things like love and friendship. I have plenty of those things in my life too.
When was the last time you had an alcoholic drink and what kind was it?
I've only ever had a tiny sip of cheap red wine to shut up an annoying SO who's been my ex for over a decade now.
That was when I was about 17 or so, I think. My dyscalculia makes it hard to remembers dates, ages, timelines. I just know we were teens.
Have you ever seen an animal give birth?
I haven't seen such in person, only on video.
Do you feel like you’re less easily-bothered by things as you get older?
I've never been easily bothered outside of Bipolar issues. It takes a lot to anger me even when I'm in a Bipolar mood, though.
My anger is vastly different from feeling frustrated or agitated. It makes me very quiet, but if I speak then I just go for the jugular.
My personality is very level-headed; I'm the last to lose my cool in a crisis and I'm never personally offended by anything because I'm just too easygoing. I'll only feel offended for the sake of others even if I don't know them.
What’s one thing you accomplished today?
I haven't done much. It's 2:07 AM right now and I got up at something like 10 PM yesterday. I had to be up for an allergy shot and lunch.
I'd gone to bed after staying up all night by about 2 or 3 PM on Friday and since I got up so late, I'm pretty awake at the moment. I've just done a survey before this after watching TV for a bit.
Do you know anyone with an opioid addiction?
Not that I'm aware of at least.
What was the last thing you apologized for?
I don't remember.
Have you ever been on a cruise?
I haven't.
Would someone having a different religion than you stop you from being close friends with them?
I wouldn't have them as a close friend, but they could still be a friend of mine. It's actually human nature to be closer to like-minded people and it's not necessarily a negative quality. It's very helpful in forming bonds.
Did your parents try to push you into a certain degree or career path?
They've never pushed me at all.
How soon after Christmas do you take your decorations down?
We don't decorate at our house since we're lazy and we go over to my maternal grandmother's for that.
Who's the hardest working person you know?
Definitely my father. He was a real workhorse, but now he's retired.
What're some things that are crucial for a healthy relationship?
The obvious things? Honesty, relatability, fidelity, stability, trust, reliability, good communication, common values and moral views.
You need to have enough things in common when it comes to your interests and personalities while also having some dissimilar qualities to keep things fresh. That allows room to become complementary of one another.
What’s your favorite film genre?
Horror flicks are my faves.
Are you more of a complainer or untroubled by things?
I can complain really well if I feel like it, but I'm often content.
Have you ever taken a biology class?
I haven't.
Are you a polite person?
It depends. Who are you, where are we, what’s the situation? I'm really well-mannered when it comes to certain forms of etiquette, but then I disregard other forms that just don't make sense.
Sometimes humans play too many games and I'm just not into feigning niceties for social rewards. I'm too upfront for that.
Can you name any songs by Godsmack?
Is there one called Voodoo? I'll JGI… Yeah, that was them.
Were you ever on a speech and debate team in high school or college?
I didn't go to college or a public high school and I never would've wanted to do such if I had.
What’s something your family and friends would consider to be so you?
Horror flicks and Halloween. It’s just that I don’t have a huge sweet tooth.
What're some foods you eat for dinner the most frequently?
I like variety, but I'll sometimes latch onto a food and eat that until I burn out. It's that way with broccoli florets right now.
Would you ever dye your hair silver?
I'd rather not dye it anything unnatural if I ever did dye it at all. I'd probably go black if I did, but my natural hair color is dark brown despite having bits of the other natural colors in it too. I like that about it.
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maciaslucymua-blog1 · 7 years ago
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3 Steps to Start Living by Faith and Healing Your Broken Heart
New Post has been published on http://www.healthgoesfemale.com/3-steps-to-start-living-by-faith-and-healing-your-broken-heart/
3 Steps to Start Living by Faith and Healing Your Broken Heart
When your heart is broken after a break up, living by faith is all you can do. Here’s strength to survive, hope to continue, and help letting go of the past – even when you want to hold on with both hands. These tips on how to live by faith after a break up – even if your heart is broken into a million pieces – are inspired by a reader called Sue. “I was brokenhearted because I ended my seven year relationship,” says Sue on 7 Ways to Pick Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart. “He’s Jewish, I’m Christian, and we couldn’t figure out how to live both faiths at once. Now I’m half glad we’re not together and half happy. How do I start living in faith again? I want to trust God and blossom like you say He wants us to, but where do I start? I believe everything will work out but I don’t know how to start living in faithful obedience. Thank you for any ideas. By the way, I am going to church and talking to a Christian counselor about the breakup.” The first – and best – tip on how to heal your broken heart after a break up is to simply decide to live by faith! You are not alone. Not only is God walking alongside you; He has given you people of faith to comfort and cheer you. He brought you here, and He will see you all the way home.
Keep going to church. Don’t stop talking to God, seeking Christian counsel after a break up, listening to Jesus podcasts and sermons, reading books about living by faith when you’re brokenhearted. Keep taking your eyes off your pain and fixing your focus on Jesus. Set your burden down, put your problems aside. Lift your eyes up, your heart Heavenward, and soul to the light. Choose – just for a moment – to hear the roar of something greater. Your faith will carry you farther than you think. 3 Steps to Live by Faith After a Break Up A huge part of learning how to live by faith is to remember. But, the key is to remember the right things! When your heart is broken after a break up, you’re tempted to dwell on the pain and loss of losing someone you love. It’s important to grieve the loss you feel after a break up…but it’s crucial to learn how to let go. Living by faith is about holding on to your hope, and releasing your expectation of how your life “should” unfold. 1. Tell me how and why you broke up How did your relationship start? What caused it to end? 3 Steps to Live by Faith and Heal Your Broken Heart Feel free to share your story with me in the comments section below. Write about the best parts of your relationship and the worst parts of the break up; writing will help you work through the pain and start healing your broken heart. After a break up, living by faith means being honest and real about how you feel and what you think. Even better, write in your own private journal. Talk to God honestly and openly – because you can’t overcome heartache and get past a break up if you aren’t honest with your Creator. Share your emotions and thoughts with Him. Are you disappointed? Sad? Heartbroken? Angry? Ashamed? Lonely? Relieved? Maybe you feel all these emotions – and more. The best way to keep living by faith when your heart is broken – especially after a break up – is to be honest about how you feel.
2. Look at your relationship expectations, then give them to God What did you expect your relationship to be? What did you need, want, and hope for? Living by faith when your heart is broken is about letting go of how you expected your relationship to unfold. You loved your boyfriend or husband deeply; maybe he told you he loved you, too. Maybe you thought you’d get married, or you lived together, or maybe you even had children together. Maybe you work together…or maybe you were best friends for years before you fell in love. It hurts, and I am sorry you lost this relationship. The feeling of a broken heart after a break up is unbelievably painful. Losing love is more than “just” breaking up…it’s a loss of your identity, self-image, and expectations for your future. You expected your relationship to turn out a certain way…and it didn’t. It’s time to let go of those expectations so you can start living by faith. 3. Learn the difference between letting go and giving up Living by faith means letting go of the expectations you had of your past relationship, but not giving up on God. After a break up, living by faith means trusting that – if you accept that Jesus died so you could be saved – God really is working all things together for your good. When your heart is broken, living by faith is allowing God’s will to unfold in your life without resisting, complaining, or wishing it wasn’t so. Learning how to live in faith means giving up your own plans, hopes, and expectations for your life. Living by faith is releasing your life to God, and allowing Him to walk you through painful seasons of life. And yes, living by faith means patiently accepting His plans for your life while working toward healing in small ways. If you feel stuck, read 5 Books to Help You Blossom Into the Woman God Created You to Be. “Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you,” says Daniell Koepke. “Letting go means removing toxic people and belief systems from your life so that you can make room for relationships and ideas that are conducive to your wellbeing and happiness. Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it. Giving up is imprisoning. Letting go is liberation. Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care.” Help Living by Faith When Your Heart is Broken In Take Hold of the Faith You Long For – Let Go, Move Forward, Live Bold, Sharon Jaynes reveals the most common reasons women get stuck with a mediocre, mundane faith. She doesn’t focus on healing broken hearts after a break up – and I’m suggesting her book for precisely that reason! It’s time for you to learn how to break free and move forward, leaving behind the feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and insecurity that are holding them hostage. In Take Hold of the Faith You Long For, Sharon uncovers untapped sources of confidence and courage and will equip you to move from knowing the truth to actually believing it. You’ll live it out boldly in a life marked by true freedom. How do you feel about these tips on how to live by faith after a break up? Write about it – here or in your own private journal. Tell God the truth about how brokenhearted and alone you feel. Share your fears, insecurities, worries, frustrations, disappointments. Writing may not immediately erase the pain of a broken heart, but it will help you plant seeds of hope, faith, and courage. You’ll start to see little glimmers of peace and joy…and you may even  open your heart and soul to the possibility of a new love in your life! You’ll start seeing what “living by faith” really means, and you’ll trust God to Blossom you into the woman He created you to be.
xo
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