#read and comment on ao3 guys I see that way better than on tumblr

[britcision]

Gonna try and sneakily post after dnd let’s see how fast I can yeet this up 👀 new chapter!!

(I was kinda considering pushing out the porn parody to push me over one million words on AO3, but I have to be in the mood to write good smut, whereas I’m damn near always in the mood for crack, so here we are

The porn parody has been started though, and the first chapter is edging its way to completion. I will be starting an entirely new taglist for the porn parody though, so do say in the comments here if you would like to be tagged in the first chapter of that!)

I got to use a little of my actual real life work knowledge for once in my life, instead of my unending stash of random knowledge 👀 it’s a bold new world and I bet you ANYTHING Bruce never documents his code

Eleven million backup plans for if marshmallows take over the world, but someone else sits to debug the batcomputer? Zip. Nothing. Fuck them if they can’t read Bruce they aren’t authorised to touch it

As may be rather obvious… We’re right up in the bats again this chapter, and Bruce is going to make some Inadvisable Decisions 😈

I’m sure this will have absolutely no consequences whatsoever! This chapter also came in a little short, since there’s not quiiiiite enough space left to squeeze in our next scene, Danny Attempts To Make Jason Kill Him In A Motorcycle Accident

This means we should not brick ANYONES’ tumblr! (Like that’ll happen, my poor mobile using fellows)

Note: there is a reason why I’m choosing when to use our various vigi’s human names while they’re masked, I didn’t miss one on the “edit” that is formatting this mess for Tumblr 😁

First Chapter and AO3 link:

Previous Chapter:

——————

One Fine Day In The Middle Of The Night

About twenty minutes after dropping Danny off at his dorm, Jason was suited up and ready to go.

Well, he’d stayed outside until he’d seen Danny shut the door behind him first. Jason had some fucking manners, though if pressed he couldn’t name who’d taught him them.

It was a habit older than the streets, watching to be sure his friends got to safety.

Danny’s dorm was about fifteen minutes from one of Jason’s better safe houses, as it happened. Jason had never been to a dorm, but from Danny’s stories?

A step below Teen Titans’ bunks, and those had sucked. Less privacy, smaller rooms, and more people? Who weren’t even part of the same team?

Maybe next semester Jason could offer to let Danny move in. He didn’t need need the safe house.

Red Hood could always buy the building. There were other apartments and while they weren’t luxurious, they beat half his other spots. The neighbourhood wasn’t bad either.

It’d be nice to pay Danny back a bit. Not have him closer. Just. Repay some of the debt by giving him a place to stay, rent free.

And maybe, just a little bit, the part of Jason that enjoyed the romanticism of his period novels kinda liked the idea. An estate for the king on your lands was a big deal back then.

A slightly more modern part of him thought being a landlord for his ruler would also be pretty funny. He figured Danny would enjoy that side too.

And it wasn’t like the guy could complain, since he’d literally given Jason back himself. Yeah, Jason was gonna pull that one out if Danny tried any familiar “oh I can’t accept this” on him.

Fixing his core was pretty damn god level on the favours spectrum. Jason could do whatever the hell he liked and Danny would just have to deal with it.

It cheered him up a little more, kept him in a good mood on the ride back to his safe house. It was more time where he couldn’t help Cass, but seriously?

Danny could change in a matter of seconds and be at her side not much slower. Walls, cars, goons, Jason had this feeling that none of it would slow Danny down.

And yeah, knowing that helped, but there was still a piece of him that only unknotted as he slid his helmet on and headed to the window.

“Hey, Black Bat. Busy?” He asked as the comms switched from earpiece to helmet display.

Of course he wore both. People kept trying to steal his damn helmet. That was also what the internal explosives were for.

The others all piped up when they heard him, Harper and Steph calling cheerful greetings around an ongoing conversation.

“Shit, Hood’s in, this mean I can go back to bed?” Bluebird teased. Spoiler cut her off immediately.

“Hell no, it can’t be a school night, Robin’s here! Great timing though Hood, we’re planning Red Robin’s eulogy and you have some experience there,” Spoiler chirped brightly, and Jason hesitated.

Sucked in a breath. He wasn’t gonna judge anyone else’s coping mechanisms until they got past “heads in a bag” levels.

Best to ignore it, since she wasn’t actually trying to set him off.

What the hell had Tim done since they’d left the manor?

Shaking his head, Jason settled into Red Hood and hopped onto the fire escape, scaling easily to the roof.

“Black Bat?” He repeated instead of answering, and half smiled when Spoiler groaned dramatically.

Black Bat answered in the considerate group pause.

“Not busy. Why?” She sounded amused, not even particularly tired, and Jason relaxed enough to slip all the way in.

“Thinking of going a little out of my way tonight. Wondered if you’d mind a tagalong?” Red Hood asked, hoping he sounded casual.

It wasn’t like he’d been planning to patrol the Alley anyway; his guys had already been told to handle it. He’d have to run around tomorrow night to keep the creepers scared, but he could have a couple off.

The tiny pause before her answer didn’t quite feel like judgement, but Jason muted before blowing out the sigh as she did. It wasn’t like the others needed to know he’d been stressing.

“Sure. Meet at library?” She’d had his tracker up. Hood nodded, turning and running for the edge of the roof.

“Sounds good.” And they’d probably wound Spoiler up enough, she’d start plotting vengeance for being ignored soon. “So what the hell did Little Red do?”

“Brought Too Fine to the Bat Cave,” Spoiler told him with relish, not noticeably put out by the delay.

Not necessarily a good sign, since she was also this enthusiastic while actively plotting against him.

Wait.

Too Fine was Tucker’s hacker name.

“But he doesn’t know about us,” Red Hood said with a frown, catching an outcropping and swinging on.

“Oh, now you tell me,” Tim groused while the others snickered, “what a shame you didn’t think to when it’d have actually been helpful!”

News to Hood that he was on, probably still in the cave.

“He knows now,” Nightwing chimed in brightly, probably also travelling from the slight strain in his voice.

Hood paused for a moment, letting that sink in before attempting the next jump.

“Is he on comm?” He asked warily, because if Tim brought Tucker to the bat cave, it was entirely possible that they were all outed.

And that Tucker might tell Danny he was Red Hood.

Shit, he still had to text Harley. Resolving to do it once he hit the library, he set back to running, throwing himself across another street.

Black Bat would probably take a little longer to get there.

“He’ll be back, he’s in the bathroom,” Tim explained with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “It’s not all bad, he’s given me the full story on what happened in Amity Park. Witness account and all.”

“From a witness you let down to the bat cave~” Spoiler sang sweetly across the air.

Red Hood could hear Oracle rolling her eyes as she cut in.

“Tone it down, Batgirl. Bluebird, if you’re still thinking of heading in, could you swing past one last site on your way?” She said firmly, then lightening her tone for their current guest.

“Batgirl who? I’m Spoiler,” Spoiler grumbled, but didn’t push beyond that. None of them did when Oracle invoked the name she’d had before any of them masked up.

Bluebird snickered at her before answering the question, a hint of exertion suggesting she was on the move too.

“I’m not actually in a rush to go home, O, I got all dressed up so I might as well enjoy one last hurrah.”

Right, because she’d be going back to school probably when Danny did.

Harper had always been a damn good hero in Jason’s books, but she valued her retirement and none of them really wanted to ruin it. Unless, apparently, seven bats just had to stalk Jason’s new friends.

Hood would have apologized, but frankly if she’d said no, some of the others couldn’t have come to the gala to be a pain in his ass.

And then he couldn’t have had so much fun fucking with them.

Fine. One cool fruit basket for the Row household, and some rainbow cupcakes for Cullen. He needed practice on frosting roses anyway.

Although that also reminded him.

“Hey Bluebird, have the others filled you in on Phantom?” He asked, cutting off some more background chatter from Spoiler and Tim.

Nightwing and the girls had had hours by now.

“What, your new boyfriend?” Bluebird asked sweetly, and Hood rolled his eyes.

Probably hit the important shit then.

“Sent you a picture?” He asked instead, decidedly not entertaining that question.

Nightwing and Spoiler snickered. Hood flipped off their general directions, settling himself comfortably on the roof of the library to wait for Black Bat.

There was a short pause, the others now wondering what he was getting at. Good.

“In and out of suit,” Bluebird agreed, curiosity tinging with mild suspicion. Being out of retirement clearly wasn’t good for her.

Hood nodded, pulling out his phone and shooting Harley a quick text. It might be moot now, asking her not to mention Red Hood shit in front of Danny, but he might as well.

He still had to ask if Waylon knew. Might as well ask. And see if Tucker knew when he got back.

“I know you’re outta the game, but keep the light show to a minimum if you see him around, okay?” He asked, scanning quickly over the list Danny’d cleared for public discussion.

He didn’t know if Tucker would have mentioned it, but he might as well. Cause of death was good, but Jason personally would veto “and the effects it may have now”.

Because fuck Bruce and his need for everyone to show him their weaknesses.

Bluebird definitely sounded curious now, and possibly like she was punching someone.

“Oh? He not big on the electricity?” She wondered aloud, and Hood grimaced.

Because if they were both at Gotham U in engineering… there was actually a chance Harper and Danny would run into each other.

Danny was older, but Harper skipped a couple years and he had no idea what year Danny was in. Fuck, they might be in the same classes. He couldn’t believe he’d never thought of that.

“Not exactly. You mighta seen him around actually, he’s an engineer too. But he’s not a fan of the electricity flying around,” he explained, Nightwing making background noises that told Hood he hadn’t put the pieces together either.

Good. At least he wasn’t alone.

Bluebird made an interested hum, and probably a finishing blow considering the satisfaction when she spoke next.

“I thought he looked familiar. But then, he’s total Wayne-bait. Yeah, I can keep the good stuff under wraps if I see him around. Gonna guess he’s had some bad shocks in the line of work?”

Hood hesitated and in exactly the same instant Black Bat landed on the roof. Sam had given them all the warning about talking about a ghost’s death, so he could leave it at that.

But…

The way Danny had looked when he explained about Vlad. Yeah, he’d rather they took this seriously. He didn’t want any of his family to hurt Danny, even by accident.

“It’s how he died. He won’t spontaneously combust or anything, but it’s a bad memory.”

Silence reigned while the others absorbed that particular detail, Black Bat crossing to crouch on the roof beside him. Hood leaned over enough to bump their shoulders together.

He could almost feel concern radiating off her, which was an extra weird experience after literally feeling all of Danny’s emotions half the day.

Guess that was where Cass’s liminality was going. It made sense, kind of; despite her occasional trouble speaking, she was pretty much the clearest communicator in the family.

Having another back up way to make herself heard would only fit.

On a whim, he tried projecting comfort back to her. Black Bat didn’t seem to notice, though whether that meant more on her part or his was the question.

She leaned in and bumped him back, her expression unreadable between the full face mask and the shadows.

“Heard and understood, Hood,” Bluebird agreed after a minute, her tone unusually solemn. Hopefully Dickie would take it to heart too.

The odds of Danny running into Nightwing weren’t great if he stuck to Blüdhaven, but Dick was a nosy bastard and there was always one “emergency” or another.

Better than the odds of running into Bluebird, although Harper would almost definitely look him up at school.

Maybe Jason should warn him.

“Maybe you could build him a faraday suit,” Spoiler mused, and Red Hood snickered.

“Handy, but then we couldn’t contact him,” he reminded her and she groaned loudly.

“Hey, if we’re both techies he’ll probably have his own idea. I’ll look him up out of costume, it’s my turn to say hi,” Bluebird decided, and Hood shot Danny a quick text.

Just a heads up.

A picture of Harper, captioned “beware of sibling. May be looking you up in class”. Black Bat giggled beside him, head cocked to watch the screen.

Harper wasn’t technically one of the Waynes, but if Waylon counted she definitely had to, and it wasn’t like Bruce picked his family. Asshole.

A few minutes later he got a message back from Danny.

‘DannyP: !!!!! I know her! 😳😳🤯 She does the cool nanobots! Half our year is betting if she’s a rogue or a vigi 👀 inside info??’

Which was fair, since just knowing Jason wouldn’t be much of a hint either way.

“He knows you,” Black Bat reported to the others, Bluebird immediately bitching that she’d been ratted out.

Red Hood mostly ignored her, texting Danny back.

‘JTodd: Neither anymore. She was a vigi, but she’s retired and getting her degree. No idea if she’ll come back after.’

“Odds you’ll change sides and go rogue, Bluebird?” He asked into a pause, and very much enjoyed the momentary stumped silence. “Apparently there’s a hefty bet.”

Momentary, because everyone had an opinion on that and had to share it. Everyone except Bluebird herself, who seemed to be thinking it over.

“What’re the odds for rogue?” She asked thoughtfully, immediately defending herself as the group booed. “What! I have student loans!”

“You are my villain arc, Red Hood,” Spoiler declared as solemnly as she could through laughter.

“I’m my own villain arc thank you so much, go find your own,” he refuted with a half grin.

“Ask Phantom,” Black Bat advised Bluebird in the meantime, which was probably fair. They weren’t good at staying on topic.

She then gave Hood another gentle nudge, probably for the same reason. Flicked off her comm for a moment.

“Wanted to talk?” She asked, and yeah, they probably should get back to it.

He gave a shrug, hauling himself up and holding a hand back down to her. Definitely not feeling guilty.

They’d tell her before anything became relevant. It just.

Well.

They were a family of fucking detectives, who could never leave well enough alone, and Jason really didn’t want them questioning his humanity.

Just once, he’d like to know something about himself before anyone else did. To have time to understand and come to terms with what he was before Twenty Questions.

Cass was very good at not asking questions though. And Black Bat turned off her comm first. Tim was distracted, probably with Tucker coming back because he’d been quiet.

No better opportunity was likely to come up.

And really, she deserved the same courtesy. Knowing about herself before the others did.

Maybe she’d have some ideas on how to tell them.

Making up his mind, Hood tapped his comms and hauled Black Bat up with his other hand.

“Hey O, gonna be offline for a minute. Text if you need me or BB, we gotta be radio silent.” There were enough possible reasons for that, he didn’t bother giving one.

Just so long as they knew.

Usually he’d just turn the comm off and swear at her if she turned him back on if he wanted peace and quiet, but… well, it was nice to hear the background chatter.

Nicer when the big Bat himself wasn’t in the field to tell them to focus.

“I always need you, baby!” Nightwing called just before he clicked off, and Red Hood rolled his eyes under the helmet.

Dramatic bitch.

He looked back to Black Bat, wondering where would be the best place for this talk. She was watching him patiently, not moving.

It had been her patrol.

“Is there anywhere on your route we can talk privately?” He asked softly, a little surprised at himself. He’d been the one who wanted to wait.

But that just made it his call who he decided to tell what, and when. And Cass… he trusted Cass.

Besides, it wasn’t like he was liminal. It’d give them something to think until he was ready.

Black Bat regarded him for a moment longer, then nodded and made her way to the edge of the roof.

“Follow.”

**

The night was wearing on, but Bruce was darkly satisfied that they were finally making progress.

Constantine’s pacing (replacing his smoking; Bruce may not have bothered arguing in the cave, but even Constantine knew better than to light a cigarette in space) had finally slowed.

Something terrible had happened in Amity Park, but even the magician was grudgingly admitting it was probably over. Left permanent scars, but getting no worse.

Unless it was on a cosmic level and would be a slow seeping problem for millennia, but Alfred had Opinions about Bruce concerning himself with issues on that time scale.

There was only so much they could do in the moment.

Another survey of the city was required, and in person since even the League’s best couldn’t take clear pictures of Amity Park.

A fact which didn’t seem to have stopped the Amity Parkers from photographing and sharing pictures of each other, according to his children. Constantine hadn’t actually argued when Bruce compared it to background radiation, so it must be close enough.

He also hadn’t done more than grimace when Bruce asked if he wanted to undertake the survey personally. That was as good as an enthusiastic agreement.

First, though? First they needed to call a meeting of the Justice League, primarily the heroes located in North America.

They had been horribly uninformed of what was going on right under their noses, and if Constantine was right… Amity Park’s problems had begun to spread.

To Gotham.

To his children.

Constantine’s grumbling that it was the miasma of death that hung over the city drawing them in had not inspired confidence, and Bruce resolved to have Zatanna over at her soonest convenience to explain.

Helping Constantine put together a report on Amity Park itself had more than convinced Bruce not to ask Constantine, even if he could have done it today. The man was…

Well. Bruce wasn’t looking forward to having to run him through the JL’s classification system again. Maybe one of his children would want to go and handle the technical side.

All he had to do was finish preparing the presentation, call the League, and he could rest. It would likely take a day or two to put a full meeting together, but he could at least fill Clark and Diana in tonight.

He could sleep in between. Just for a little while.

Right after he showed Constantine how to configure the alerts from Amity Park to direct to the Justice League Dark, not the spam folder. They hadn’t sent one in years, but he was determined not to miss any changes.

That should have been the easiest part of this whole mess. It was just a simple form, with a basic test button to ensure it worked.

Nothing too complicated even for a man who’d decided “no reply needed” meant the same thing as “too dangerous for anyone but JL Dark”.

Fine. It was fine.

Bruce loved making training videos to highlight the most basic functions of a system and ensure that people actually understood what the various controls meant. Wonderful.

It meant that they could work in parallel for a while, Bruce on the presentation for the League, Constantine to fix his mistake. In a blissful silence, even.

It couldn’t last.

“It’s not working, Bats,” the magician declared, pushing back and away from his computer. Probably to pace again.

Bruce closed his eyes, breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, and made his way across to frown at the monitor.

“Did you save your changes?” He growled, doing his best not to let the irritation show. It was getting harder every time.

Constantine rolled his eyes, definitely not helping, and pointed at the screen.

“See for yerself. Look, JLD Top Priority, like ya said. And then ya hit the top button to save, and the red button to test it, and nothing happens.”

He waited impatiently while Bruce clicked through the buttons, seeing it for himself.

Constantine wasn’t wrong. That was unexpected.

Brows furrowing under his cowl, Bruce checked the deleted requests. Three test messages from “Amity Park”.

“Hn.”

“Someone’s fucked ya system,” Constantine commented dryly, sounding unduly pleased that it wasn’t his fault.

Something other than his haphazard filing had apparently been causing some of their problems. Bruce… just didn’t have the time tonight.

He nodded over to his screen instead, pulling up his wrist computer to send a private message to Tim in the cave. How long could a tour take?

Tim could find what was going wrong long before he’d have the time.

“I’ve compiled most of the presentation on creatures of the Realms. Is there anything important I should add?” He asked gruffly and Constantine sighed dramatically and flounced over.

Bruce firmly ignored Steph’s voice in his ear.

Not because he didn’t agree, whatever a “woobie” was.

He just needed Constantine’s once over to confirm he had all the pertinent information, and then he could call Clark and Diana.

Head home.

Get to bed.

“Looks fine. I should check yer damn revenant some time soon too though.”

Bruce froze, finger just above the send button on that tech request to Tim.

His fucking what.

**

Black Bat led them easily across the city, along what was probably her normal patrol route. Taking her cue from Red Hood, she didn’t rush, but soon indicated that they turn off into a small alley between two warehouses.

Hell, not even a proper alley. A gap where the buildings hadn’t quite smushed together.

Red Hood recognized the area from Nightwing’s bitching; there’d been a bust here last week, and something had cloaked the whole block from surveillance.

These days, he was almost tempted to check what Danny knew about it. Ghosts fucked with technology in ways none of the bats would find.

Black Bat stopped them half way down the gap, feet braced against one wall and her back to the other, leaving her “sitting” about twenty feet off the ground.

Hood matched her a little further down, grumbling a little at the crush. Almost a foot taller, it wasn’t exactly a comfortable position for him, but he’d held worse.

They were stable, and damn near impossible to observe. This was as good as they’d get.

“So,” he began, and immediately realized he had no fucking clue what to say.

Black Bat’s flat, expressionless mask was not helpful.

Hood wished he could pull his helmet off, just to run his hands through his hair. But they were on patrol.

Black Bat just waited, silent and patient while he wrestled with himself. Finally he decided to just spit it out.

“Danny died, and came back,” he said in a rush, glancing over to her.

Black Bat nodded.

“Like you.”

“Like us,” Hood corrected, groaned, and switched off the voice modulator. Actually, fuck it, he had his domino on.

He pulled the helmet off, balancing it in his lap. He could shove it back on if it came time to go.

Black Bat was beside him now, almost close enough to touch. Close enough to lean in and bump their shoulders together.

“One main difference,” she noted thoughtfully, then tapped her chest, “no skin change.”

Which, yeah, Jason had been hoping to emphasize before any of the family got too far down the right track.

“Right,” he agreed, leaning back to stare blankly into the smog of Gotham above them.

Fuck. How do you even say it? How do you tell someone they’re not fully human anymore?

Someone like Cass, who’d been raised to believe she’d never been human, by force. Just a weapon.

Her hand was in his now, and he couldn’t be sure if he’d reached out or she had. He stared down at their laced fingers instead.

“You know how people get when they spend too long around the pit water,” he began slowly, trying a different path.

Cass had been raised around the League of Assassins. She knew.

And took the change of topic fully in stride, nodding and giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Erratic,” she mused softly, her face tilted to the wall across, “unpredictable, especially if they went in.”

No one was going to say Ra’s Al Ghul was an unstable mess of a man, but no one had to. Still, how controlled he was was impressive, especially after you saw what mere exposure to the fumes did to other people.

Red Hood nodded, sighing softly.

“Danny’s parents kept it in the fridge. He was… exposed long before he died,” he explained quietly.

If he was talking about himself, he’d say “contaminated”. Hell, it was the word Danny used when explaining it to the bats.

Jason just couldn’t use it about Danny. It just wasn’t right.

Black Bat stilled, almost enough to be mistaken for a statue instead of a living being. Was that her liminality too? Or just her training?

Red Hood couldn’t stand it either way, giving her hand a gentle tug.

“He told me… being around it too long can change a person, even if they never get dunked,” he said slowly, trailing off again.

“We got dunked,” Black Bat said quietly, her hand curling more tightly around his. There was no hint of emotion in her voice, and Jason hated it.

Pulled her closer, doing all he could to project comfort-sorry-concerned-love you. Wishing he’d asked Danny to teach him to do that first.

Neither of them had really considered he’d need it, since Danny was so good at reading him. But he needed her to know she wasn’t alone.

Her shoulders hunched suddenly, body tensed to spring until her head snapped round to focus on him.

He could… he could feel surprise from her. Maybe it was working.

He gave a graceless half shrug, grinding his shoulders against filthy bricks.

Tried to project yeah it’s weird for me too, but wasn’t sure how well it came across. Anything beyond pure feelings was a little tricky for him to push, though he could usually work out what Danny was saying.

“We got dunked,” he agreed quietly, resolving instead to wrap her in love-protect-safe-safe-safe, “and sometimes… that changes you even without a flashy transformation.”

It was an awful explanation and he knew it, could practically feel her eyes darting all over his face, his posture, reading things he probably wasn’t aware he was showing.

Then she relaxed all at once, settling in and leaning part of her weight on him as well as the wall. He braced automatically to take it. He wouldn’t let her fall.

“He called it being “liminal”,” he explained softly, working an arm around her shoulders above the wall to coax more of her weight onto him. “I don’t know what it means for you yet, BB. But nothing bad. He was sure it wouldn’t be bad.”

Black Bat made a soft humming sound, obediently shuffling so he could wrap his arm around her. Looking down at their still twined hands.

“Can feel you,” she said softly, hand rising to tap gently against the red bat on his chest. “Big brother.”

It startled a bark of laughter out of him, because… well, yeah. A good way to sum up everything he’d wanted to tell her without words.

Felt a quick rush of satisfaction from Black Bat, and tried to answer it with relief-agree-protect.

“Yeah, that’s the fuckin’ weirdest part,” he agreed dryly, almost felt the rush of her giggle more than he heard it. “Apparently some liminals get this… aura around them. Sharing what they feel. I didn’t know if you would…”

What? If she’d notice? If she’d be able to feel the same things?

Black Bat nodded, head tipping up to meet his gaze once again.

“Robin? Batman?” She asked, and Jason hesitated.

He couldn’t talk to either of them about it. Not yet. Bruce would fucking push, he always did, and wouldn’t stop until he tore the secrets out of him. Damian would just run to Bruce.

But it was a valid question. And they did sort of deserve to know just as much.

For now he took refuge in what he knew, shrugging it off.

“Danny thinks they’re liminal, but… not as far along as we are.”

Not as close to death. Not as close to not being human, although technically they were both legally non-sentient, so that was fun.

“D’you really think either of them have the emotional bandwidth to share?” He tried to joke, covering the moment.

Black Bat just stared at him until he fell silent. Then nodded.

“Should tell them. No rush,” she added almost before Jason could tense, leaning back in and resting her head on his shoulder, “have been for a while, yes?”

Jason paused a moment longer, shook his head, and snickered.

“Cannot believe I ever doubted you’d be able to do the whole “emotional telepathy” thing,” he grumbled good naturedly, and Black Bat glowed with gentle amused.

“Better than you,” she told him archly, sounding for a moment like Steph when she was teasing Tim. Jason gave her a squeeze.

“Don’t I know it. But yeah, it’s not a new thing, and won’t mean anything to anyone unless one of us dies again.” Which he wasn’t going to think about.

Shit, someone said Robin was out tonight.

Nope. Not thinking about it. Robin had been patrolling for years, and as much as he whined about his solo patrol route, he never deviated.

Not after Oracle had highlighted his route on his wrist computer for him and proved she could see every footstep. She wouldn’t necessarily tell Bruce, but she’d always know.

Black Bat nodded, resting against him for a moment longer before sitting up again.

“You want to wait.” It wasn’t a question, but he felt compelled to answer.

Picked up his helmet, turning it over slowly in his hands. But of course she’d understand. She always did.

“I want to know what this means to me before I have B poking and prying into every part of my life,” he said quietly, staring into the eye slits of the helmet.

Black Bat ruffled his hair.

“Can wait,” she agreed gently, switching her position to have a hand and foot on either wall. Ready to move on. “No rush.”

Red Hood pulled his helmet back on and matched her, the pair climbing quickly out of the crack between the warehouses. It almost wasn’t worth saying, but…

“You can tell the others if they ask. I just…”

“Don’t want questions,” Black Bat agreed lightly, flipping up onto the roof. “Can ask Danny when the time comes.”

“Yeah,” Red Hood agreed, crouching beside her. “Mind if I stick with you on patrol tonight?”

He sort of hoped she’d think it was unrelated, but another moment of stillness passed across her as she regarded him.

“Until we die again,” she repeated his own words, and Hood was pretty happy she couldn’t see his face anymore as he grimaced.

Not that it mattered, another shot of amused shooting between them, followed by a much softer appreciated.

At least she wasn’t judging him for being a mother hen.

“Understand.”

**

Tim and Tucker had made quick work of the interview, and Tim was pretty much running out of questions when the batcomputer pinged with an incoming message.

Tucker gave it a longing look and Tim chuckled softly, wheeling himself over.

“Hang on. Might be one of the others out on patrol,” he explained, right clicking to pull up the monitor that tracked the bats’ various dominos out and about.

Tucker stared up at it politely, diverting his attention from what Tim was doing on the other screen, no matter how curious he was. Showing trust and all that.

It was actually really cool too; he’d not really seen a map of Gotham, and having one superimposed with little glowing lights of the various heroes on patrol was really cool.

It wasn’t really zoomed in enough to tell if Bluebird was actually in a fight, but the little blue dot seemed to be the only one standing still, so Tucker assumed she was.

How cool would that be? Watching just normal human vigilantes fight and take down bad guys?

Although off the top of his head, he could already think of a couple of things to add to the monitoring program. They might already be there, he hadn’t clicked around, but like.

Vitals were all well and good, down in the corner next to each hero’s name and the colour of their dot, but just the heartbeats? That wouldn’t tell you enough.

Tucker preferred brainwaves, because then you could tell if they’d been hit with something or overshadowed.

Although maybe it was because he’d spent his time keeping track of a guy who pretty regularly did not have a heartbeat. And it also gave him more data points for some of his cooler side projects.

Understanding the different brainwave patterns an individual made in different situations was a key part of neural mapping, and adding it to the bat’s routine would get him a ton of data.

And then they could really play Mariokart.

He’d have to ask Tim if they tracked any of that later. Not all the bats wore helmets or cowls that would support the electrodes, apparently. Although if Danny could get his hands on a domino…

Tucker was snapped back to the here and now as Tim pushed back from the batcomputer, a wry grin on his lips.

“Actually, I think this might be something you could help with, Tucker. If you don’t mind a little work on your night off?” He teased, back to Tucker’s complaints about a night of fun and tech.

Like getting to play on the batcomputer did not absolutely count as fun and tech.

Tucker beamed, excitement welling up in him and cracking his knuckles. It’d be pretty cool to assist a human vigilante too. And on a tech problem!

Gotham was fucking great. If Tim really meant it about getting him an internship, Tucker might have to see about switching schools.

MIT was great, but it wasn’t Wayne Enterprises, personal meetings, or personal tech demonstrations with Tim Drake Wayne!

“Sure! What’s going on?” He asked, shuffling over to look at the other screens now that he had permission. Making sure it was obvious he hadn’t been looking.

Resisting temptation had been hard. He deserved credit.

Tim nodded to the screen, and that? That was a message from Batman. Bruce Wayne. Batman.

Tucker scanned the message, eyes widening even as Tim spoke.

“Wanna help debug the Watchtower?” Tim asked, and Tucker clutched at the back of his chair as his heart leapt, swooning just a little.

The Watchtower. The actual Watchtower. In space. Oh he was shoving that in Danny’s face for not telling him he was friends with the Bats!

There was only one real question left.

“Will Oracle be here?” He asked eagerly, looking around the rest of the screen.

A soft chuckle played from a speaker in the bottom corner, and Tucker jumped half a mile as a masked voice spoke.

“You boys have fun with this one, I’ll keep an eye on the city. If you finish early you could walk me through that server of yours?”

Oracle.

The Oracle.

They were real, they talked to him, they wanted to talk about his locked down servers! Tim lunged to catch him as Tucker collapsed, knees giving out under the swell of emotion.

All of his dreams were coming true, all at once.

He’d never been happier.

**

Danny was having a pretty quiet night in. That didn’t used to be unusual while he was in Gotham; having time to himself was still pretty much a novelty, and he wasn’t exactly a party boy.

Of course, it was a night in with some of his parents’ inventions and recently one or two of his own, so the actual “quiet” part was negotiable.

Quiet enough not to piss off his dorm mates, but luckily most of them were engineers too. They may not always know what he was doing, but they were usually interested.

Tonight, he was alone, most of the floor still being home for the holiday. That had been one of the things he’d looked forward to most about staying behind, but…

Well, after his noisy and action packed few days… he was lonely.

He wished he’d asked Jason to stay. Just because he’d said he was going to bed didn’t mean he had to do anything of the sort.

It was just that Jason had been… tense. He’d not even gotten off the bike when they arrived, just pulling over and chatting for a minute before heading out.

Like he wasn’t fully comfortable going into Danny’s place, which was kinda fair. Unlike Jason’s apartments, Danny’s dorm was a communal space.

Even if most of his dorm mates weren’t home, there was still a chance one of them might turn up. And then Danny would have someone else bugging him about his “boyfriend”.

Nope.

Besides, he’d see Jason again at 11am (he had this horrible feeling Jason might be a morning person), so it wasn’t even all that long. He should probably just go to bed.

He should check his class schedule, actually. Work out what days he’d have free, work out when he and Jason could skip to the Zone for fight club.

Wait.

Would Jason be free.

What the hell did Jason do for a living? He’d have to ask at some point, Danny mused, logging in and taking a screenshot of his class schedule for the new year.

For now, it was probably best just to send Jason the picture so he’d know when Danny was free, and then Jason could work out a good time for them to go and it wouldn’t be Danny’s problem.

Excellent. Sheer genius.

Humming happily to himself, Danny pulled up Jason’s number and sent the picture of his schedule, with the caption:

‘Let me know when ur free for field trips 👊🏻💥👻’

Eyes closing for a moment, Danny let his awareness drift out across the city. It wasn’t something he’d done a lot; Gotham wasn’t his haunt and he didn’t want to step on any toes.

Usually he’d just expand his conscious aura if he was looking for someone, but knowing how much Jason didn’t like it… well, his passive aura covered most of the state, so reaching through the same city couldn’t be all that hard.

Right?

Frostbite could find anyone, anywhere in the Far Frozen with little more than a thought. And was convinced Danny would be able to do that with the entire Zone, some day.

Danny was a little less convinced. Past the background awareness that he was no longer in Amity Park that had taken months to fade, he’d never really paid attention to his passive aura.

It’d be too tempting to feel out the rogues, or at least react to the sudden surges of aggression and danger. But he hadn’t had anyone to protect before, and he knew Jason would feel better knowing Danny could.

That was kinda why Danny hadn’t mentioned how theoretical this particular ability was, although he had no doubt he’d recognize Cass’s energy if she came close to death.

Which meant he should totally recognize it while she was alive, well, and had more energy, right?

He had no idea where she was, which parts of Gotham fell on her patrol route, but that kinda helped. It meant he couldn’t trick himself by focusing on a particular area.

Surprising precisely no one though, he found Jason first. The other halfa almost glowed when Danny was focusing on his energy, a bubbling little ball of yellow and red.

He… was maybe with Cass? Danny’s brows furrowed, nose scrunching as he tried to focus without changing his aura.

He was definitely with one of the liminals. And that quiet little light, almost blue, felt sort of like Cass. When he forced himself not to be distracted by Jason’s brighter glow.

Eyes snapping open, Danny’s concentration broke and he frowned up at the ceiling.

Well, that explained why Jason was in a hurry to get going. He was no expert in Gotham herself yet and had no idea where the two of them were, but if he tried again he could probably work it out.

Did Jason still have a suit? Or did he call Cass in, find something he could do as a civilian to have her help?

Shrugging to himself, Danny dismissed the question and hauled himself up. Might as well get to bed; they’d be back together in the morning and he could always ask.

**

Tim was scrolling through the code for the alert messaging system itself while Tucker went through the sections that pertained to Amity Park specifically on his PDA when the other boy made a sudden, startled squeak.

Tim considered pretending he hadn’t heard, but there was a chance he’d found the answer. So he glanced over.

“Any luck?” He asked, noting Tucker’s sudden strained expression. Maybe the guy needed the bathroom actually. They’d been down here a while.

Tucker laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“So… uh… what exactly does the bug we’re looking for do?” He asked in a small voice, looking more embarrassed than Tim had ever seen.

Which… was not a proportionate response for that noise. And a question that they both probably should have thought of sooner.

He’d meant to mention it, since they’d have to explain it to the Amity Parkers at some point.

“So… remember how the Justice League never responded to an alert from Amity Park?” Tim asked not a little sheepishly himself.

Tucker nodded, not actually looking any less embarrassed himself either. That was definitely a great sign.

Tim sucked in a deep breath and forged ahead.

“So, it turns out there’s a bug in the Watchtower’s systems, where anything coming in from Amity Park gets marked as spam and funnelled straight into trash. We fixed the marking as spam thing, which I guess was user error, but it’s still-”

“All going to trash,” Tucker finished with a sigh, grimacing and shaking his head, “aaaaand I think I know why. But the timeline doesn’t make sense?”

That… that wasn’t even on the same continent as what Tim’d expected he’d say.

“The timeline?” He asked, brows furrowing, sliding over to peek at Tucker’s screen.

Tucker shook his head again, angling it so that Tim could see… a section of code that shuddered faintly in and out, almost disappearing entirely every few seconds.

That.

That was not a thing that should be happening.

Tim would have loved for it to be a simple screen glitch, but it was only that one small section of code. The lines above and below were fine, and Tucker could move the flickering chunk up and down.

“Yeah, this is your problem,” the Black man sighed, wiggling the section demonstratively, clearly aware of Tim’s shattered hopes.

Heartless man. Genius man.

“You’ve had ghosts in your back end. Probably wouldn’t even show up on an uncontaminated device. Which, by the way…” he trailed off, and Tim shook his head immediately.

“Not tonight. No changes to the batcomputer without Bruce’s say so,” Tim said firmly, since he’d already fucked up once. Might as well limit the damage.

Tucker shrugged and nodded back to the section of code.

“Okay. But this… this was definitely Technus. And that makes no sense? He’s a spirit of technology, we’ve fought him a bunch of times, but if he got into the Watchtower’s code he wouldn’t just… hide,” he tried to explain, adjusting his beret fussily.

It totally wasn’t adorable.

Tim did his best to keep up though, nodding along and thinking back over everything they’d been told about ghosts so far.

“You think we’d have noticed?” He asked, and Tucker snorted.

“He likes making giant robot bodies out of toasters, you’d definitely have noticed him on your space station,” he agreed dryly, then sighed.

Frowned down at the tablet again.

“I mean, Danny could make him do it and behave himself now, but if these changes were active during the whole Pariah Dark thing… I dunno, Technus should have been a way bigger problem. He’s not subtle.”

Tim frowned, thinking about what Tucker had said and then pausing.

“Danny could make him behave now?” He asked and Tucker pulled another face. Like he hadn’t meant to say that.

“Well, yeah, Danny’s miles out of Technus’ league now,” he tried to brush it off with a laugh, “the guy knows he’ll lose any fight so he’s really not a problem anymore. We have hackathons,” he added and Tim really wanted to know more about that.

There was just. Something off about Tucker’s answer. Not the content itself, just the way Tucker clearly wasn’t saying something.

That was a problem for future Tim though. Present Tim had a job to do.

“So can you fix what he did?” He asked the important question, and Tucker made another face.

“Dude… whoever or whatever made Technus do this, will probably notice if we fuck with it,” he said warily, and Tim shrugged.

“Whoever or whatever made Technus do it couldn’t do it themselves. How would they know?” He shot back, and Tucker chewed his lip.

Shook his head.

“Lemme text Danny. He’s the ghost expert, he’ll know how much we should worry about this,” he explained quickly, pulling out his phone and shooting off a short message.

Tim gave him his very best deadpan expression.

“How much we should worry about technology ghosts getting into space and fucking with Justice League HQ. I have the feeling the answer is “a lot”?” He offered sweetly, and Tucker snickered.

“Yeah, well, we’ll see. Might actually be alright, if this is all he touched. And, since you won’t let me juice the big computer, we’d have to scan the whole thing through my PDA. Every line of code,” he added, like Tim wasn’t already dreading it.

Tim sucked in a slow breath, weighing his options.

Touching the batcomputer? Ultimate no-no. But Tim’s personal laptop… it had access to the Watchtower’s systems, and was under Tim’s personal control.

And would let Tim go through the sensitive data himself, which the core code of the Watchtower was full of. The question was, did he trust Tucker not to install anything dangerous?

That question had been answered the second he asked Tucker to help him debug though. Clearly the guy could already put what he wanted, where he wanted, and with their current tech?

None of the bats would ever know. At least if Tim’s computer got the update, he’d have a chance at spotting ecto-infused code.

There were other computers they could use of course, old or unnetworked computers that Bruce would probably insist they start with.

Which wouldn’t be able to access the Watchtower’s servers, and couldn’t hold the whole thing to be able to run a useful check.

The answer really was kinda obvious.

Tim looked to Tucker, who’d been texting away while he thought things through.

“We can’t do the batcomputer, but is there anything you could do for my laptop tonight, or do we have to wait on Danny still?” He asked, deeply regretting that they’d gone to video games instead of the tech upgrade.

At the time he’d been planning on having a burner laptop done though, so it probably wouldn’t have been as useful.

Tucker shrugged cheerfully and slid his phone into his pocket, cracking his knuckles.

“Well, I can’t give you the full infusion to let you open Amity’s encrypted data, but I can write you a little something that should expose Technus’s code even without it,” he offered, and Tim brightened up.

“How long?” He asked eagerly, wondering if Tucker would let him watch. It’d be fair if he didn’t, Tuck had been cool about not looking when Tim played on the batcomputer, but…

Tucker smirked, flicking open a new screen on his PDA.

“How long will it take you to get the laptop down here?” He asked smugly.

Tim booked shit to the elevator.

**

Private Chat: DannyP & TooFine

2:15am

‘TooFine: Danny when tf did u have Technus hack the JL’

‘DannyP: ……. 👀 u cannot prove i did that 🚫🚫’

‘TooFine: I’m helping Tim debug the Watchtower’

‘TooFine: double fuck u for not telling me about Batman btw’

‘TooFine: someone sent all the Amity alerts to trash’

‘TooFine: if we keep talking about this I might accidentally send something to the group chat 🤨’

‘DannyP: FUCK FINE DONT TELL SAM 🏳️🏳️🏳️’

‘DannyP: after the pd thing’

‘DannyP: cw called’

‘DannyP: they hadnt been reading the messages anyway i just’

‘DannyP: shitty people track the jl y’know? and i didnt want em knowing about us’

‘DannyP: let em all think its a joke and then no one else comes an tries to use our portal to harness the realms and blow up superman or whatever’

‘TooFine: dude u fucking told me to tell them what actually happened??’

‘TooFine: pretty sure anyone tracking the jl will work that out now’

‘DannyP is typing’

‘DannyP is typing’

‘DannyP is typing’

‘DannyP: ok so maybe i didnt think that through 😔😔😔’

‘TooFine: no shit. I’m fixing the code in case any new alerts come through but it’s not like they’ll bother to call’

‘DannyP: not like they need to, frighty’s got em covered 🗡️🗡️🎃’

‘TooFine: yeah yeah. I’ll set it to ping u too’

‘DannyP: ur the best tuck 🙇🏻‍♂️🙇🏻‍♂️🙇🏻‍♂️’

‘TooFine: better than u deserve’

**

Across the city, Red Hood and Black Bat had stopped for smoothies. Patrol was quiet, and word on the street was that Bluebird was mostly to blame.

Nobody wanted to know why she was back and taking no prisoners, so even the docks were almost deserted.

Then again, with Riddler and Waylon snapped back off the streets, Penguin lying low in fear of Harley, and Batwoman making Two Face’s life a personal hell?

Yeah, no wonder the smaller players were lying low.

Hood had pulled his phone out to check in on the Alley in case they’d be more useful there when he noticed a message from Tucker’s private chat app.

It was from Danny.

Danny had sent him his class schedule. Told Jason to let Danny know when he was free. Like class was the only thing that’d stop Danny from wanting to see him.

Jason was so lost in staring at his phone, utterly swamped in the implications, that he didn’t even notice Black Bat finish her smoothie and swap out her empty cup for his.

Danny wanted to see him again.

He’d have to work out a proper schedule of his own.

**

Bruce was having a Bad Day. An extended bad day, one that was fast approaching 48 hours long.

As if everything with Amity Park wasn’t already bad enough, both in the past and the present, now Constantine believed there was something wrong with Jason.

That his son wasn’t fully human anymore.

Now, Bruce’s best friends weren’t even a quarter human between them, and no matter what everyone seemed to think he was perfectly happy with meta humans.

So long as they kept themselves safe.

Preferably where they wouldn’t be mind controlled, kidnapped, or held hostage every few days. Frankly being a meta was probably stressful enough even in a normal city.

But he’d keep Gotham’s metas as safe as he could, just like Duke.

But Jason… Jason had been born human. Had lived as a human, died as a human, and Constantine seemed so sure he’d come back as something else.

“Revenant” the man had called him. An animated corpse that haunted the living, powered by rage.

Bruce might even have believed it two years ago, when Jason first returned. Jason had been so angry, intent on destroying Tim when the other was just a child.

When Jason was little more than a child.

But… that wasn’t all he was. He was himself, truly Jason Todd in ways Bruce hadn’t wanted to believe. He’d fought his rage and won every day.

Most days.

And being around Amity Park, being around Daniel James Fenton, might be enough to push him back over. To drag Jason closer back to death.

Halfas could act as psychopomps, bringing lost souls safely to the other side.

Jason had only just become himself again. They had only just begun healing the rift between them.

Bruce couldn’t lose him again.

They had to keep him away from Amity Park. It was as simple as that really; something in Jason’s resurrection had gone wrong and they all knew it.

Even Jason himself wouldn’t argue with that. Something about his death clung to him, poisoned him with that violent green rage.

His children’s reports told him that Danny was claiming to help with the pit rage because he had also been exposed. But what if he was just helping the pit?

Even if he didn’t mean to, exposing Jason to that much power that closely tied to death couldn’t be good. Constantine hadn’t exactly said as much, but Bruce could read between the lines.

Death magic was contagious between those who’d been infected. Who’d died and come back.

That wasn’t fun to know. Not with how many of his children, his friends had all died before.

Even he himself had. He’d have to investigate Amity Park personally. Take the risk himself, to keep it from the others.

Tim and Duke could help, but they were both so busy with their own lives. He would have to wait and see.

His meeting with Clark and Diana hadn’t gone well either. They’d both been gratifyingly concerned with what he’d learned and had recognized the threat.

Clark had promised to keep an ear out for Jason, to listen in on his heartbeat and make sure he was okay. Bruce would have been grateful, if Clark hadn’t also told him that Jason’s heart was noticeably slow.

Easy to pick out, even if they hadn’t spent much time together.

Just how close was his boy to dying again?

Diana had advised caution. Wanted to speak to Danny herself, see the hero who had shouldered the burden of this small town. See if he had turned under the pressure.

Pressure that should never have been his. Pressure they should all have shared, protecting the child and the town together.

It would be his fault if Danny had broken. Had given in to whatever in the Infinite Realms had stolen a whole town away.

Bruce knew that with a leaden certainty, felt the weight of it settle in his chest. The same way he knew he was responsible for most of his rogues.

He could see the wisdom in letting Diana talk to the man first. She was wiser than most of the League, and a good judge of character. Even without her lasso, it was hard to lie to her.

But if what Constantine said was true, he didn’t want to tip their hand. Zatanna and Shazam had both agreed to attend tomorrow and give their own opinions.

They could afford to wait one night. Perhaps two, if Danny couldn’t be found tomorrow.

Just about the only thing Bruce wasn’t worried about was Danny running. If he had ill intentions, he wasn’t the sort to give in and disappear so easily.

He’d threatened Bruce to stay out of things between him and Jason. And certainly wasn’t afraid of a fight.

Bruce was also quite sure that he and Diana could take the boy if it came to it, even with the abilities Constantine ascribed to the realms. He would find a way.

But not tonight, he reminded himself firmly as he strode into the zeta tube. Tonight he would go home, update his children, and get some sleep.

Maybe waiting a day or two to speak to Danny directly would help. This concussion had passed frustrating and was beginning to affect his decision making.

Shaking his head to clear it, Bruce hit the button to send him home. Soon he could rest. At least for a little while.

**

A gentle buzzer went off in the cave and Tim yelped like he’d been stung, clutching at Tucker’s arm in an entirely unmanly way.

“SHIT he’s back hide the candy canes!”

Tucker stared at him wide eyed, but to his credit the other man didn’t hesitate to sweep the pile of different flavoured canes off the desk and into the front of his shirt.

“Where?!” He asked, and Tim hesitated for half an instant.

The zeta tube was down by the cars. Bruce would be up in less than a minute. Spinning Tucker by the shoulders, he shoved him towards the infirmary.

“Get in there! Don’t come out til I say!” He hissed, already hearing the zeta tube’s door whoosh open.

Tucker obediently scurried away, and thank fuck he was quick on the uptake enough to drop his voice below a whisper.

“What?! Tim, what?! Am I not supposed to fucking be here?!” He hissed, and Tim pulled the infirmary door almost shut before darting back to the table.

He’d cleared it with Bruce, had texted about giving their guests a tour, but since it turned out that Tucker hadn’t already been in the know… well, he wanted to prime Bruce with the good news first.

The tube only pinged once though, so Constantine hadn’t come back with him. That was probably good. Bruce would be less cranky.

Tim wasn’t exactly back in his seat by the time Bruce reached the batcomputer, but he was close enough to watch him note the second chair.

Tim didn’t let him ask.

“I have a first hand witness account of what happened in Amity Park.” That was the important thing, right? That they had answers.

Bruce stared at him for a long moment, eyes narrowed and the whiteouts narrowing with them. Tim stared him down, refusing to look away.

He’d fucked up just like, a tiny bit. But he’d gotten results. Better results than anyone else. So was it really a fuck up?

He watched Bruce’s eyes widen as he realized, and was a little surprised when the man’s shoulders slumped. He dropped gracelessly into the swivel chair, elbows propped on the table and his head cradled in his hands.

Tim was growing a little alarmed now, hurrying forward to Bruce’s side. Was he injured? Had something happened?

His hand was just reaching out to touch when Bruce sighed and sat back up.

“Tim. Who did you bring to tour the cave?” He asked in a tired, heavy voice, and Tim’s brows furrowed.

What? He’d said, hadn’t he?

“Tucker Foley?” He said cautiously, wondering if he should call Alfred. Maybe switch out Bruce and Tucker and get the big guy into the infirmary.

Bruce was very still. Tim forged ahead, hoping to get to the good news.

“He was a vigilante back in Amity Park, part of the support team. I have his statement going back to the beginning of the ghost attacks, and he’s already answered most of our questions.”

Leaning past Bruce, he hit a couple of keys and brought up the sound file of Tucker’s interview.

Bruce was still a little slow as he turned to look, but it seemed to hearten him. Which was when Tim realized.

“Wait. Who did you think I was bringing?” He asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

Bruce shot him a sidelong frown, pulling off his cowl.

“Not a stranger,” he growled, though his heart clearly wasn’t in it. He just sounded tired.

Tim carefully patted him on the shoulder, still thoroughly confused.

“What? But I said…” he paused, pulling out his phone and staring at the texts.

Nope. No he didn’t.

Oops.

Groaning, Tim let his head drop.

“Ah fuck, and I thought we were doing so well!” He sighed heavily and Bruce made a grunt that might have been a laugh. “Alfred’s going to be unbearable.”

That shut Bruce right up, as it should, and then Bruce sighed again. They were moving past it then. Probably for the best, since Alfred would lecture them both on the importance of communication later.

At least it wasn’t only Tim’s fault. The only person who wasn’t a stranger or a bat had been Harley, and he wasn’t actually sure if Harley had cave privileges.

Well. She did now. Since that was what Bruce must have thought he was asking.

Then Bruce straightened, eyes determined and steely.

“I have new information from Constantine. The risks of the Infinite Realms.” It definitely heartened him to talk about, skipping straight to the debrief part of the day.

Maybe they could just skip right over the Tim-fucked-up-and-brought-a-stranger-to-the-cave.

“I need you all to keep away from the Amity Parkers until I know more.”

Ah.

No then. Nope, not skipping over it, because Tucker was actively still fucking in the cave. It was for the best that they’d hidden him then.

Tim shook his head firmly, hoping that if he seemed certain that would help.

“That’s not gonna work, Bruce. I couldn’t have fixed our Watchtower problem without Tucker, and we can’t look at any of the Amity Park data without an Amity Park device.” It was the theory they’d been running with, but they’d had it confirmed now.

Never mind that Tucker had already downloaded most of what was publicly available for them. Bruce would always want a primary source anyway.

Tim pretended it didn’t affect him when Bruce’s head jerked, eyes narrowed as he scowled at Tim.

“You let him into the code for the Watchtower?!” He exclaimed in a hiss. Which was interesting, since Tim had kinda figured the bat cave thing would be more personal.

Then again, the Watchtower could compromise more than that.

“Bruce, read the report on Tucker. We literally couldn’t stop him if he wanted to hack in, because his tech runs on levels that slide right past ours. Tech he’s already sharing,” he added sharply, reaching behind him without looking to hook his laptop forwards.

Bruce, mouth already open to argue, quieted at once. Yeah, new toys always helped. Tim nodded to the batcomputer.

“The update’s ready to go live, but I waited because you need to see this. Open the third window,” he nodded over, pulling up the corresponding section of code on the laptop.

Bruce’s expression pinched but he did as requested, clearly not willing to put another step between himself and the answer. A quick glance up to confirm, and Tim nodded to himself.

Fuck, he needed a laser pointer.

“So it all looks good up there, right?” He pushed and Bruce frowned, but nodded, eyes scanning quickly across the screen.

“Is this your update?” He asked but Tim was already shaking his head, pushing his own laptop towards the man.

Bruce’s eyes widened at the glitching sections of code. Tim nodded, satisfied he’d gotten Tim’s point.

“Tucker Foley wrote me a program so that I could access this ghost code. In half an hour. From scratch,” he added for emphasis, and yeah, he could already hear the lecture about “compromised tech”.

He tried to shut that one off too, pointing up at the screens.

“That? That’s apparently the work of a ghost. One called Technus, who likes to possess technology, and now Tucker and I are going through every line of the Watchtower’s code looking for changes.”

Bruce’s lips thinned to a tense line and he gave a short, harsh nod. He very obviously didn’t like it, but the presence of a bigger threat did wonders for calming him down.

Tim patted his laptop.

“We’re waiting on you to upgrade the batcomputer, but we’re gonna need to check every program on that too. Everything, Bruce. These ghosts could have been rewriting everything. And we’d never know if I hadn’t asked Tuck to help me with the Watchtower.”

Honestly, Tim was just hoping none of their rogues had made any ghostly connections. The implications made his head spin, but he stubbornly kept himself on track.

They needed Tucker’s help. Never mind that the ghosts themselves were reportedly allergic to subtlety and would always go big over going home; that was a tendency, not a guarantee.

Hell, if Tim had a say, he’d get Tucker’s upgrades for the ghost code, improved firewalls, and Danny’s ectoplasm into all his own gear by tomorrow.

He wasn’t going to, Bruce’s paranoia being what it was, but he was already uploading Tucker’s program to his suit’s wrist computer. It wasn’t like there’d be any hidden malware.

Tim had watched over his shoulder as Tucker wrote it, direct on the PDA. And watching him work had been… it was just…

He so rarely got to talk to anyone that was actually on his level. Rarer still that they weren’t a direct member of the family.

And Tucker, for all he currently had a tech advantage? He’d invented that advantage himself. All on his own, he was incredible. Maybe even better with some aspects of software than Tim himself.

The things they could do together… even the internship was pretty much a formality at this point. Just get Tuck through college and see if he’d accept a job at WE.

Hell, if he wanted to found his own company Tim would invest. That kind of brilliance deserved everything it needed to grow.

He had to wrench himself back to the present moment, the “introduce new genius to Batman” step still looming large, but honestly? Tim wasn’t worried. Bruce would see the potential.

Here and now Bruce’s gaze had gone distant, and Tim could easily have kept going, but he stayed quiet. Let the man absorb new information, stop and think.

And if he still wanted to make dumbass decisions, well, Tim could argue with him literally all night. They’d all picked up Bruce’s stubbornness too.

**

It was hard to focus on the screen through the throbbing of his head, the lights too bright even at their lowest setting. He’d checked.

Luckily, it was an issue he’d been dealing with for years, and Bruce pushed it aside with the resigned acceptance of long practice.

He’d pay for it later. That night of sleep was probably going to be a day of sleep at this rate, but he’d get at least six hours. More if Alfred caught him.

For now… Tim felt very strongly about this. Had good reason to, if he was even half right about the scope of the problem, or Tucker’s uses as a solution.

After hearing from one member of the Justice League Dark, Bruce was desperately hoping Tim was right. They sorely needed an ally, one they could trust to guide them through these dangerous waters.

Of course, Fenton and Foley were close. That may skew his judgement, but it could be accounted for. Wasn’t worth more than an ally whose skillset Bruce understood, and could trust.

Tucker Foley was a tech expert, which put him above any occult master in Bruce’s book. Magic had no rules, not that could be relied on, and Bruce wouldn’t touch it if he didn’t have to.

And Tucker’s tech would work with his own.

There’d be a review period of course. He’d have to meet Tucker himself, speak to him a little, get a sense of the man. See how far his opinions would be based in fact, not feeling.

Tim’s vouch was a good first step. As little as Bruce liked that Tim had brought an outsider down to the lab. And then let him use Tim’s computer.

And honestly, it certainly wasn’t Tim’s fault that Bruce hadn’t asked. He’d been lax, not checked properly, and it was that damned concussion slowing him down.

He needed sleep. His thinking was dangerously clouded. But one thing was always true: he trusted Tim’s judgement. Probably more than he trusted his own at the moment.

They could review the situation in the morning, come up with some suitable punishment and protocol to introduce new vigilantes to the cave (which they’d never needed, because other heroes usually came through the League and were already vetted).

A thought struck and Bruce almost smiled. It would be a fitting solution on three separate sides. Maybe the punishment would be easy after all.

“Alright. I’ll need to speak to Foley first. And you will be writing out fresh protocols to address when a new hero but not a league member can be introduced to the cave,” he added, and Tim groaned loudly.

Bruce ignored him. That was just the start of his troubles.

“You will also be responsible for running John Constantine through the full reporting system, and updating the training materials so this doesn’t happen again.” It was a weight off his shoulders, really.

And a fitting punishment, because Tim would definitely think twice before pulling this stunt again. The man himself threw both his hands into the air.

“What?! Bruce! You said you fixed it!” He whined, and Bruce resisted the urge to smile.

“And I fixed Amity Park. But I highly doubt this was his only error, so the two of you will have to review every case he’s reported on before you go back on patrol.”

It was probably several hundred since they’d had the new system alone. Tim groaned like Bruce was sucking the soul from his body.

Bruce levelled him with a stern look.

“I take the secrecy of the cave seriously, Red Robin. This will not happen again.”

“Because I’m gonna die of old age sitting at a desk with Constantine,” Tim grumbled, folding his arms and scowling.

It wasn’t even something he could write a program to fudge for him; every case would need Constantine’s personal input to be sure it was filed correctly.

Bruce was quite pleased with this solution. But he made sure to hide the smile from Tim, who wouldn’t appreciate it right now.

“Tucker Foley may end up working out for us all, but that’s no guarantee a future mistake won’t be fatal. And Tim…” even if it was a formality at this point, he had to ask. “Do you trust him?”

The answer was obvious, this was Tim’s personal laptop, this was the Bat Cave, and as expected Tim nodded immediately, the sulk from his punishment vanishing.

“He’s a good guy. He’s even made a clean set of Amity Park data you can look through until Danny fixes the batcomputer.”

Ah. And there was the problem. With a solution wrapped around it though, so Bruce focused on the cleaned set of data.

If Tucker was anything like Tim, it’d be extensive enough to keep him busy until the Justice League came to a decision.

Until he could speak to Danny. Speak to Jason.

He was so tired.

Bruce nodded, leaning back in his seat.

“Alright. Tucker Foley is exempted, but I need you and the others to stay away from the rest, and particularly Danny Fenton until the League has made a decision.”

It was just a little heart breaking watching Tim’s face fall from hope and happiness straight back into worry.

“But Bruce… he’s helping Jason with the pit, he might need to see him,” he argued, arms folding again.

Bruce shook his head. That was exactly what he was afraid of.

“I know… and I know how Jason feels about following orders. I’ll tell him myself, tonight.” Luckily he was still in the batsuit, if not the cowl.

Raising his wrist to his face, Bruce activated his secondary comm on the group channel. He’d turned both off when his children headed out, fully aware Oracle would override it if they needed him.

He didn’t need to be distracted by the noises of a normal night.

“Everyone, return to the cave before heading in please. There have been developments I need to update you on.” Nothing to worry them, but hopefully interesting enough that Jason would still drop in.

No talk of protocols or anything. No, that was Tim’s future.

Tim, who was looking at him oddly.

“Who told you Jason went out tonight?” He asked, and Bruce frowned. Looked up at the batcomputer, and realized that the tracker screen wasn’t open.

That could be a problem.

“Didn’t he?” He asked, really not looking forward to asking Dick to ask Jason to drop by tonight. If Jason was actually home, actually sleeping…

But Tim shook his head, that odd expression still on his face.

“He never said he would, but he called in after taking Danny home. He’s out with Black Bat,” Tim added, and Bruce frowned.

Why even bring it up if Jason was out? What did it matter?

Tim, clearly seeing and understanding his confusion, groaned and tugged at his hair.

“Bruce. Please, just… listen to me. Danny isn’t the threat here. He’s been nothing but helpful. He’s the one who picked up the ball when the League dropped it, who dealt with all the ghosts we can’t. He saved that town-”

“We don’t know that, Tim,” Bruce cut him off, shaking his head sharply. “We can’t take that risk.”

He could see Tim getting frustrated, temper flaring, and in an odd way, it made him feel better. Calm. In control.

“Bruce, you stubborn… so what? We just tell Jason to keep away from the only person who makes him feel better?” Tim asked sarcastically, and Bruce could see exactly how he’d missed the point.

This was what he’d have to watch for with Tucker Foley. But the technical advantages would be worth it.

“We don’t know that he’s making the pits better,” Bruce said darkly, and fuck it felt good to even voice the thought aloud.

Made it feel real, less like paranoia.

Tim gaped at him, but didn’t argue.

Bruce raised a hand, counting the points off on his fingers.

One.

“None of us heard anything about him a week ago. Not even a few days. Fenton has been here over a year and only just ran into Jason?” It wasn’t possible.

It didn’t make sense. Gotham was a large city, sure, but for two people apparently so closely linked? No.

A second finger rose.

“Danny himself claims that he is helping with the pits.”

“Jason agrees,” Tim cut in, clearly looking to break his train of thought. Bruce silenced him with a stern glare.

“Danny claims he is helping with the pits. Jason claims to have noticed the same thing, but we already know the pits affect his mind. He may not understand what’s being done to him.”

That? That made perfect sense. The pits had driven Jason into those uncontrollable rages, made him do things he’d never have wanted to.

Who was to say they couldn’t have a more subtle influence? More dangerous? More like Ra’s himself.

Even Tim couldn’t argue with that, and Bruce nodded his satisfaction at the boy’s silence, raising a third finger. This… he wasn’t looking forward to this one.

But its weight had been sitting in his chest since the possibility came up, and he didn’t want to hide anything from his boys. They deserved to know the risks.

No matter how much he’d rather protect them from it.

“The little f… Constantine believes there is a chance that even being close to Danny may have dangerous side effects for Jason, purely accidentally.”

Tim’s eyebrow rose at the aborted description, and Bruce was glad he’d clamped down on it. Couldn’t quite meet the boy’s eye as he continued to explain.

“Danny’s connection to… his death,” the words were hard to even speak, another child lost, “is what gives him his power. It’s strong, and may have radiating effects Danny doesn’t even know about.”

Because that was kind of the worst part. There was a chance that Danny truly meant everything he’d said in earnest. That he was Jason’s friend, wanted to protect him.

Wanted to help Jason come back to himself and be free of the pit rage. That they did truly care for each other, and wanted to make each other better.

And none of those good intentions would matter if Danny’s mere presence risked Jason’s soul.

He could see Tim realizing it too, eyes widening and the aggression slumping from his shoulders. But he’d decided to be honest.

Clear, open communication. They could try.

“The way Jason came back… we still don’t know how it happened, or why. But anything half living and half dead can have side effects on the world around them, especially for those who have already died.”

Danny might be here to take Jason away. Back to the dead.

He’d meant to say the words, to lay it bare, but in the end he choked on them. Couldn’t even face the thought.

Tomorrow. After he slept. If they still needed convincing, he’d try again tomorrow. Which did neatly bring them to point number four.

Steeling himself, Bruce shifted his gaze back to Tim, raising his pinky finger.

“And if you are right, if Danny really is helping… it’ll only be for a few days. I meet with the League tomorrow. Zatanna and Shazam will both be there to give their opinions.”

Suddenly Bruce just felt tired. Tired of arguing, trying to make people see things his way. All he wanted was a couple of days. Just to be sure. Just to be safe.

Tim raised an eyebrow again, shifting slowly to lean against the other chair.

“Then why will it be a few days? Why not tomorrow?” He asked cautiously and Bruce chuckled.

Of course Tim knew him well enough to know there would be something else.

“I’d like to talk to him myself first. Perhaps have them meet him directly. Just to be sure what his intentions are in the city.”

“And with Jason,” Tim put in flatly. Bruce just nodded. The boy was right.

“With the city and with Jason,” he agreed, looking back up at the large screens of the batcomputer.

Pulled up the location tracker for his bats and birds, watching their little trails of light run across the city. He wouldn’t let any of those lights wink out.

Tim sighed and shook his head, coming to lean against the back of Bruce’s chair instead. Not quite tall enough to rest his chin on the top of Bruce’s head, and not likely to grow much more at nineteen.

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” he said bluntly, eyes tracking the Red Hood dot in particular. “You’ll only push Jason further away by trying to control who he sees.”

Bruce shook his head, leaning back just a little more into the presence of his son.

“I don’t care if Jason hates me for the rest of his life, so long as it’s a long and healthy one,” he said softly, and Tim snorted.

Pushed away from the chair, and for a moment the distance ached.

“Yeah, well. When it blows up in your face, I told you so. Did you wanna see Tucker tonight or tomorrow?” He asked, and Bruce’s head snapped suddenly around, scanning the cave.

“He’s still here?”

**

Shaking his head, Tim made his way across the cave to the infirmary, pulling out his phone where Bruce couldn’t see it. He shot off a quick text, not looking down.

‘J. Don’t come back to cave. B has mega bitch face just let him cool down’

**

Across the city, the message flashed in the corner of Red Hood’s helmet visor. Groaning to himself, Hood kicked a goon’s gun into Gotham bay and waved to Black Bat.

“You good? I gotta send a text.” He called, deeply offending the eight goons still standing, armed with knives and fucking pipes, and tussling with Black Bat.

Which only got worse when she shot him a quick thumbs up, sat on a particularly tall goon’s shoulders before throwing herself back so far the guy toppled, twisting them in the air so she still somehow wound up on top.

Hood nodded, pulling out his phone one handed.

“Hey! You can’t just text! We’re not done!” A goon protested, rushing in at Red Hood.

Who pulled his gun and shot him in both kneecaps, sending him sprawling to the slick planks of the dock.

This was why he always took out their shooters first. Batman could preach hand to hand all he liked, it was way safer when the bad guys had holes in their hands and no guns.

“Anyone else?” Hood asked rhetorically, pointing the last gun on the dock at the remaining goons in turn. In unison, all six focused their attention solely on Black Bat.

Not because they thought they’d win, but well. She didn’t have a fucking gun.

“Yeah, thought so,” Hood grumbled, sending a quick message back to Tim.

Paused to take a picture when Black Bat actually got three heads at once into a leg lock, because that had to be a record.

‘Is it to do with your big fuck up?’ Cuz honestly, what else could B be pissed about?

The answer came back though, fast and weird.

‘As hard as I also find it to believe this, no. Magician’s got him all twisted around about Phantom. Wants to forbid us all from seeing him.’

The phone creaked in Jason’s grip as he read the last words, a low rumbling growl spilling from low in his chest.

The remaining standing goons whipped around and exchanged startled looks.

That. That definitely wasn’t fucking good. No way.

Black Bat took another to floor as they paused, and the last three fled. Didn’t quite make it to the door.

Jason didn’t notice until her hand landed gently on his shoulder, concern radiating off her. His head whipped round, and he was suddenly glad the full helmet covered his face.

Couldn’t see the way he fucking snarled at her.

Black Bat didn’t move, her head cocked to one side as she regarded him.

“Eyes. Glowing,” she told him carefully, reaching up to touch the side of his helmet.

Jason jerked back in shock, but he could already feel the green rushing away. Receding until his vision purely his own again.

He hadn’t even noticed the green haze.

Black Bat inspected him again, then nodded, going on tiptoes to pat him on top of the head.

“What’s wrong?”

Red Hood sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment to recenter. He’d never felt the rage come on that fast, from nothing to all consuming before he even felt it.

Even thinking of the messages made angry green tides again.

We will not be kept from the King!

And it was talking to him again. Lovely. Why couldn’t that part have been his imagination?

Shaking his head, he focused on Black Bat’s question instead.

“Just B bein’ an asshole again. I’m gonna pass on the cave tonight, tell him I went to bed.” It was about as much as he thought he could talk about it without screaming.

Almost forgot that Black Bat could read him too, her aura still soothing and open to him as she nodded. Rested a hand gently on his shoulder.

“Go now. Rest,” she told him firmly, turning back to the downed and groaning goons.

Red Hood hesitated, looking around the dock. It was getting early, nearly time to turn in anyway, and they were done here. Just a routine drug shipment.

The last lot too dense to be cowed by the mood on the streets, or counting on the hour to mean the bats went to bed. Cuz that went so well for them.

He nodded and moved to help her, flipping the biggest goon over and zip tying his wrists to his elbows, and then his ankles.

“After I help you wrap your presents,” he agreed, heard Black Bat let out a soft huff of laughter.

One of the still conscious goons shot him a glare.

“Y’could at least pretend to take us seriously,” she grumbled, then yelped as one of her fellow goons kicked her in the shins.

Clear message: do not push the crazy bat.

Red Hood snorted.

“I’ll take you seriously when you’ve fuckin’ earned it,” he told her, going for the next biggest body.

Black Bat could take every one of them out of the fight, but bagging and tagging a dead weight was much less fun for her. He could handle that part before turning in.

He had a big day tomorrow.

**

Private Chat: DannyP & TooFine

4:30am

‘TooFine: dude Tim just shoved me in a closet I don’t think Batman knows I’m here?????’

‘TooFine: dude’

‘TooFine: dude wake tf up I might need emergency evac 🚨🚨’

4:35am

‘TooFine: that fucking Constantine guy’s put a bug in Batman’s ass’

‘TooFine: told u we shoulda hunted him down 😤’

‘TooFine: and after all I did to help!! Ungrateful bat!!’

4:46am

‘TooFine: okay Batman fucking hates u specifically ur screwed 😳’

‘TooFine: I’m good tho 😇’

‘TooFine: I think he likes me now 😏’

‘TooFine: he wants all my sweet tech upgrades’

‘TooFine: they’re gonna let me play on the batcomputer!!! 😳😳😳’

5am

‘TooFine: u are missing vital updates bitch’

‘TooFine: he’s gonna fucking ground Jason from hanging out with u’

‘TooFine: AH SHIT HE KNOWS IM HERE ABORT ABORT ABORT’

8am

‘TooFine: u may have been right going to bed early man this shit sucks’

‘TooFine: didn’t even get to see what happened’

‘TooFine: they sent me to bed like a naughty child! 😤’

‘TooFine: I’m changing all his ring tones to Funky Town’

10:59am

‘DannyP: okay miette’

11:02am

‘HalfBitch: OKAY IM SORRY TUCKER AT LEAST TAKE THE MAGIC MIKE THEME OFF’

——————————

Next Chapter:

Tag List: @welcometosasakiworld @kyrianclawraith @someonebored0100 @stealingyourbones @starkcravingmad @frostedthroughghost @akikkobara @rainbowbunny0159 @littlefeather345 @violet-catsarelife @serasvictoria02 @wolfjackle @blacksea21090 @secretdestinywerewolf @anime-hipster-the-amazing @undead-essence @skitscratched @blackroserelina @snoodly-boop @trickerdi @mayoota-blog @xysidhe @idkmrpianoman @little-apricot-the-writer @chaoticmistake @the-legal-shipper @bun-fish @aroranorth-west @demon-cat-goes-woof @perfectwastelandcreation @onyxlightdragon @larks-and-katydids @peachesandcreamfemboy @jesus-camp-the-sequel @may-rbi @mothman-the-mothman87 @viyatrix @stargirl1331 @idfk-man10 @thedepressedrobin @skulld3mort-1fan @rootsmudge @ravenshadow17 @cankoking @phantom-dc @mentalcarebear @magic-pincushion @redamancyardor @lyra689 @itsparadoxlacuna @alcorbearson @asphyxia778

[maul-of-shame]

Sappy rant/message:

Maybe it's because I'm knee-deep in the exams prep trenches or something, or because I reached some huge milestones on AO3 but-

Besties, where do I even begin?

I’m sitting here all soft and emotional, with a stupid grin on my face, because the love and support you’ve shown for my Elrondriel fics has been absolutely mind-blowing. Whether you’re here for my chaotic giggling, relentless roasting of Celeborn (sorry, my guy, it’s just too easy), or the endless pun parade that’s become my brand, every single comment, reblog, and kudos means the world to me.

You’ve turned my little corner of the fandom into a warm, cozy space filled with laughter and creativity, and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful.

When I started posting these fics, I never imagined they’d resonate with so many of you. Because let's be honest, it started as "crack ship" for me.

I was just vibing with my love for Elrond and Galadriel, crafting these tender, chaotic, sometimes angsty, always heartfelt little stories—and somehow, you’ve all made it feel like I’m sharing them with a big group of friends who just get it.

Seeing the +50 new subs milestone on AO3 had me in my feels, the +200 subscriptions to my stories, but what really gets me is the comments you leave—those beautiful, thoughtful messages where you share your favorite parts, scream over the soft moments, or just drop a casual “HOW DARE YOU” (always a fave, keep it coming). Knowing that my writing makes you smile, laugh, or feel something deeply? It’s everything I could ever want as a writer.

And let’s talk about the people who’ve followed my work across platforms, who’ve come here to Tumblr to join in the chaos. Whether it’s dissecting Elrond’s dad-energy, hyping up Galadriel’s supremacy, or collectively dragging Celeborn into the middle of a pun war, you’ve made this fandom experience an absolute delight. I can’t thank you enough for the encouragement, the memes, and the little fandom in-jokes we’ve created together, especially in our small discord!!!

So here’s my sappy, emotional love letter to all of you: Thank you for being here.😭😭😭

Thank you for reading, commenting, subscribing, reblogging, and just showing up in ways that make this feel so much bigger and brighter than I ever expected. You’re the reason I keep writing, keep roasting, and keep pushing to make every story better than the last. I hope my fics continue to bring you joy, and I’m so excited to share even more adventures, fluff, angst, and chaos with you all. From the bottom of my heart (and my pun-loving soul): Thank you.🤍

_ Bucky/ Halfling_MadMax

[lavalampstealer]

I want to make an appreciation post for the IEYTD tumblr community because its not talked about enough. I love you guys :)

When I first got into these games a few months ago, I had no idea how to find other people or content creators. I started out on insta where I had trouble finding other people and it was really lonely. The discord was/is better and there are some cool people on there as well but about 70% of the new people who were joining were just looking for the release date (it’s gotten better recently and there are great creators there but its more focused on the games themselves than the characters/story). Then because of a friend, I tried tumblr and my god I love it here.

There’s tons more art and people here than I thought there would be and I cannot stress enough how awesome it is seeing everyone’s takes on characters. The Phoenixes and Handlers in particular are my favorites because its like I get to see a little bit of the artist in Phoenix, and who doesn’t love the funny, quippy British voice? They’re so diverse, I love how something as small as a little scar has a whole backstory for it. I find it fascinating to see how many people see Phoenix’s color as red (no hate at all, I love them!). Not to mention the posts about the Fabricator, Juniper, Zor, Solaris, Prism, etc, I love all of these characters and the nuances in their personalities.

The fics I’ve seen are so interesting, shout out to all the writers you guys are AMAZING!! I’ve got to get better at sitting down to actually write my own but some of my favorites on Ao3 are Red String, Spying the Liar, Rising From the Ashes, or so to Speak, Issue is Spelt with a “U” (And an “I” too), Such Lovely Feathers on Your Turncoat, and last but ABSOLUTELY not least, all of Calivide’s works. Seriously I love all of these, I’m such a sucker for angst, fluff, and good writing. If I’ve missed any other good ones or if you have your own, PLEASE reblog or comment or ping me or share them in some way, I’d love to check them out :)

To all of the text posts and people who discuss the silly goobers with me, I love you. To all the people who analyze or make funny shitposts about the characters, I love you (shout out to @/calivide’s in-depth analysis of Juniper I want to use it as reference for something ITS SO DETAILED AND ACCURATE MY GOD I LOVE IT). To all the people who read my ramblings about characters, I love you. To all the artists, I love you. To all the writers, I love you. To all the people who reblog each other’s stuff, I love you. To all the people helping to keep this little fandom of spies going, I love you.

I haven’t been here long but I’ve felt so appreciated and welcomed, and I can only hope that I’ve gotten the chance to make other people feel the same way. Please never hesitate to ping me or leave an ask if you ever want to talk about these games, I’d love to chat <33

I love you all and I’m making you all grilled cheeses

(me whenever someone likes one of my posts (i cant say it enough all of you are so sweet and make me wanna implode /pos))

[softie-rain]

Like or Like Like

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow/Sejanus Plinth

Tags: possibly ooc - takes place two years before canon - coryo is weirdly nice - idk guys this is so lovesick and fluffy I'm not used to it

Summary: Having a crush on the handsome boy you share classes with has got to be the most embarrassing thing to happen to someone. Like, seriously: how do you hide it without failing? Or, Sejanus Plinth is caught staring at Coriolanus Snow during class.

Notes: inspired by the headcanon @incorrect-pipravi sent, which you can find here. Was supposed to be a small drabble and instead ended up 2k words (which is shorter than what I usually write anyway.)

Also damn I haven't posted my writing on tumblr since FOREVER it's been ages fr. So this is your reminder that other than bitching about coryo and sej I also write

you can read it on ao3 here

Sejanus kept staring at his reflection in the mirror, fixing his hair. He wasn’t one to usually care about his looks, as long as he looked decent enough to go out in public. But lately he felt like had to be at his best, even going as far as thinking of wearing his favorite sweatshirt (the blue one Coriolanus gave him for his fourteen birthday, he had been the only one to show up at the party he had organized), but the weather was definitely too hot for that one. Besides, the uniform was mandatory at the Academy.

“Sejanus, why are you still here? You have to hurry if you don’t want to be late!” His mother entered the room, looking at him with worry. Sejanus turned with an apologetic look.

“Don’t worry ma’. I’ll be fine.” He said. Mrs. Plinth nodded and walked over to him, patting him on his back.

“You look perfect, darling. I’m sure this secret girl you seem to like so much will adore you!”

“Ma’!” Sejanus heavily blushed, gently pushing his mother away in embarrassment. The old woman chuckled, smiling at her son.

“There’s no need to be ashamed of it. Everyone has their first crush at some point.” She said, trying to reassure her son. Sejanus wanted to laugh. Of course his mother didn’t know. There was no way she could have found out on her own, and he never said anything. She was convinced Sejanus was in love with a girl from the Academy, and he surely wasn’t going to be the one to break the news to her that said girl was actually Coriolanus Snow.

He wasn’t sure his ma’ would have minded actually. She thought Coriolanus was a good boy, and even his father appreciated him. Yet Sejanus had never told them the truth, and he wasn’t going to. Whether out of shame, or fear, it didn’t matter.

Sejanus shook his head, ignoring his mother’s comment. “I better get going now or, as you said, I’m going to be late. See you later ma’.” He said, waving at her as he walked out of the apartment.

After the short drive to the Academy he ran up the stairs rushing to get to class, even if there was no need to. They had assigned seats, he knew he'd end up sitting next to Coriolanus either way. But he also wanted to chat before class started, and Coryo always seemed to arrive awfully early, for some unknown reason.

When he finally got in the room he smiled upon noticing the curly haired boy with his head down in the textbook, probably revising for the lecture of the day. Coriolanus was a perfectionist like that, always studying, making sure everything he did was excellent, especially when it came to the Academy and his studies. Sejanus was pretty sure he had never failed one single class.

Clemensia Dovecote hadn't either, but she didn't put in half the effort Coriolanus did. Coriolanus Snow always worked much more than what was required, sometimes Sejanus wondered if it was because he wanted to be better than everyone else. Or maybe he just craved academic validation.

Either way, Sejanus thought it was extremely attractive. When he was always so carefully focused in class, and Sejanus so carefully focused on him. The way he'd bite his lip when he tried to get a particularly difficult subject, his small frown when he didn't understand something. A barely perceptible one, that he tried to hide to not show that he was confused but that Sejanus could see anyway. If he paid as much attention to the lesson as he did to Coriolanus he'd probably ace every class he took.

But Coriolanus was much more interesting than whatever Mrs. Click could ever blather about, right?

“Morning Coryo.” He greeted him, sitting next to him.

“Morning.” Coriolanus replied, without looking up from his book.

Sejanus bit his lip, trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. “What are you reading?”

“History of Panem.”

“You don't need to revise, I'm sure you'll do great as always.” Sejanus told him, smiling, thinking he'd complimented him. But Coriolanus sighed.

“That doesn't mean I'll stop studying for the exam.” He replied coldly, probably annoyed Sejanus interrupted him. So he nodded and left him to read, at least until Professor Demigloss arrived and started his lesson.

Sejanus tried to pay attention, he really did, but his eyes were drawn in as if by magnets to Coriolanus’ beautiful blonde curls that so gracefully fell on his face. Sejanus observed as he moved them away, his blue eyes focused on the board in front of him. He also noticed as Coriolanus started chewing on his pen while listening to Demigloss’ - rather boring - explanation.

Sejanus found himself wondering what it would have been like to kiss him, to have those lips on his. Would he have bit down on Sejanus’ lips the same way he was biting down the pen? Would he have been rough, or sweet and soft?

He always assumed Coriolanus was a rough lover, but he couldn't know for sure, maybe he would-

“Mr. Plinth, I believe the board is here and not where Mr. Snow is sitting.”

The professor's voice made him snap out of his lovefool trance, and Sejanus’ head immediately turned to face Professor Demigloss, who looked rather annoyed. He felt his cheeks grow warm, and he knew he was probably the same color as his Ma’ tomatoes when they were mature. He muttered an apology and looked down at his notes-less book, too embarrassed to meet anyone's eyes.

He could hear his classmates snicker, and he knew they wouldn't easily make him forget this. But, gosh, the worst were Coriolanus’ eyes on him.

Sejanus could basically feel his gaze, burning like his stare alone was setting him on fire, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and leave the room.

The rest of the class went on painfully slowly, Sejanus could have sworn it lasted hours. As soon as Demigloss dismissed them he instantly got up, packed his bag and left, ignoring Festus calling for him and rushing out before anyone else could make fun of him. Especially Coriolanus.

Truthfully he didn't think Coriolanus would. He never joined in with the others - especially Festus and Arachne - when they talked about him behind his back or made fun of him, ever since they were kids, so he didn't see why he'd start now. Either way, Sejanus couldn't stand the confrontation to test his assumption.

He tried to ignore Coriolanus the best he could the rest of the day, and he thought he managed. But then Coryo stopped him at the Academy entrance, right when he was about to leave once all of his classes were over.

“Sejanus? Can we talk?”

Sejanus shrugged, trying to play it dumb. Maybe if he pretended nothing happened Coriolanus would forget about it. “S-sure. About what?” He said, praying his voice didn't sound as high pitched to Coriolanus as it did to him.

“Uh, the history project we have to do? I thought maybe we could work on it together.”

Sejanus sighed in relief, covering it with a cough. He cleared his throat before raising his eyebrow. “History project?”

Coriolanus nodded. “Yes. Professor Demigloss talked about it today in class. Or were you too busy staring at me to pay attention to him?” He asked, grinning.

Sejanus started blushing, his eyes widening as his mind tried to come up with some excuse or at least a way to get out of that situation. His palms were getting sweaty and he could feel the panic rising up in his chest. “Oh, uhm, no. Obviously, I was listening. I was-”

“Sej relax. I'm just teasing.” Coriolanus interrupted him, his grin only growing wider. “So? What do you say about the project?”

Sejanus thought it was weird how Coriolanus didn't seem to mind it, but definitely didn't complain. If his friend was cool about it, then he was going to be as well. He nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Of course.”

“Great. It's due tomorrow so the sooner we start working on it the better.” Sejanus gave him a short smile, agreeing with him.

“I'd suggest going over at my place, but the cleaners are around today. They’re usually very invasive, I don’t want them scooping around while we study.” He explained, sounding annoyed. Sejanus nodded, understanding his problem. He had the same struggles with his own cleaners, though usually they left him alone when he asked.

“It’s okay, I get that. Maybe we could study at my place then?” He suggested, trying not to blush again at the thought of him and Coriolanus alone in his bedroom. Coriolanus didn’t seem to notice his struggles at keeping his cool and nodded, mumbling a ‘sure’ before following Sejanus outside where his driver was waiting for him.

Sejanus spent the drive to his house in silence, hoping his mother had gone through with her plan for the day and was out shopping. He wanted to avoid any awkward meeting between her and Coryo. But of course, when they got into his apartment, there she stood in the kitchen waiting for her beloved son. “Sejanus? Is that you?” She asked, walking over to them. Her eyes slightly widened in surprise when she noticed Coriolanus with him. “Oh! I didn’t know you were going to have friends over. Hi, Coriolanus.”

Coriolanus smiled at the woman. “Hello Mrs. Plinth. Sorry for intruding.” He said, giving Sejanus’ mother an apologetic look.

“Oh nonsense. I was about to leave anyway, I need to buy some new clothes for little Sej here.” She said smiling. Sejanus felt as if his skin was on fire at his ma’ words, and he could see in the corner of his eyes Coriolanus trying not to laugh.

“Okay well me and Coryo will be studying in my bedroom, see you later ma’.” He said quickly, wanting to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Once they got to his room they immediately started working on the project, neither of them wanting to waste any more time. Coriolanus shared his notes with Sejanus since he had taken none during class, too busy staring at Coryo.

The evening went on uneventfully, they spent most of it on the books with one snack break where Sejanus offered Coriolanus the cookies he had baked the day before, which the blonde boy seemed to most definitely appreciate considering the eager way he was eating them.

Sejanus was sitting on his bed while Coriolanus was at his desk, leaning on the chair. They were almost done with the school work when Coriolanus spoke. “Why were you staring at me?” Sejanus blushed and dropped his pen on the floor, immediately picking it up as if the falling object could have been a new source of embarrassment for him. “Earlier, in class.” He added, as if he needed a reminder of what Coriolanus was talking about.

“Uhm…” Sejanus didn't know what to say. He avoided the subject all day. He knew it was impossible for Coryo to forget about it so quickly but he wasn't expecting him to bring it up now either. Especially since he had sounded fine with the situation that morning.

Coriolanus must have noticed Sejanus was rather uncomfortable, because he immediately specified, “I'm not making fun of you for it. I'm just curious. Did I have something on my face?”

He was smiling, but Sejanus wasn’t sure it was meant to be a joke. More of a light comment to put him at ease. Though he didn't work he appreciated the effort, so much he thought Coriolanus deserved the truth, or at least half of it. Sejanus had never been good at lying anyway.

“No, nothing like that. Honestly? I was looking at your hair. And your eyes.” He confessed, avoiding the other's gaze.

Coriolanus frowned. “My eyes?”

“Yeah. They're very… blue. And pretty. It's like staring at the ocean, or the clear sky. Sorry, I know it's dumb. Just got caught up in my thoughts I guess.” Sejanus mumbled, drawing doodles on his hands as he tried to fight the urge to ramble out dumb excuses that would have led Coriolanus to realize he had a crush on him.

He had just admitted he thought his eyes were pretty, could it get worse than that?

Fortunately he didn't have to find out because Coriolanus simply nodded and dropped the subject. Sejanus didn't say anything either, but when he raised his eyes again and saw Coriolanus bouncing his leg nervously under the desk he could have sworn he saw his cheeks growing red, though he was clearly trying to hide it.

Sejanus smiled and looked down, going back to check his notes, when Coriolanus spoke again. “I like your eyes too.” He said, catching Sejanus by surprise.

“They're this dark brown color that gets lighter if you observe them under the sunlight. They look like milk chocolate chips.” Coriolanus commented, never once switching his position or raising his head to look at Sejanus as she talked. “I love chocolate.” He said, and it was clearly the end of their conversation on the matter.

He loves chocolate. He loves my eyes.

The thought kept playing loud in Sejanus’ head as he tried hard to stop his blushing, failing miserably. Maybe that day hadn't been so terrible after all.

[fearlessword]

I’ll meet you in my dreams - Chapter 2

Summary: You dreamed of the boy who played piano before you knew who he was. Humming the melodies you heard in your sleep brought BTS into your life and you thought it was just meant to be.When you finally have the chance to see him perform live, you realize that the dreams you have are more than a coincidence. You hope he dreams of you too.

Slow burn/ Slow build/ canon divergence/ d-day tour / soulmate- ish

Pairing: Idol! Min Yoongi x Reader

Ongoing

Masterlist

Author’s note: Hi tumblr! I’ve been wanting to post this fic here for such a long time! Seriously! I can’t believe I actually did it! I’m so excited for you to read this chapter! I post on AO3 first, but it’s nice to share my work on this platform too! Please send me your thoughts on this chapter, I’d love to hear it. I’ll come back in a few days with chapter 3, but if you want to read it before that, you can find it here. I hope you like it! Thank you for being here!

Chapter 2

February 2023

“…So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, so long lives this, and this gives life to thee…” you read.

“This is one of my favorites, and one of the most famous Shakespearean sonnets. You guys already know how much I love words but in this sonnet…” you pause with a sigh. “I feel so happy reading it, it took Shakespeare only 14 verses to explain how powerful and everlasting words are. Can you imagine how extraordinary it would feel to be the muse of a piece of work like this? I don’t want to go crazy over this, but how beautiful is that? And to see that he was indeed right, the poem does give life to his beloved muse, it makes me want to cry. How beautiful is that? Just think about it?!”

“Ms. _______, you are fangirling over poetry again” one of the students says.

“Well, it is my profession after all! I am also a fan of so many things, it’s the way I function!” You laugh. “But you guys need to agree, it’s beautiful. You should think about writing a sonnet like this to your Valentines next year… Does anyone want to comment on their first impressions of this piece before we go deep into our analysis?”

The students were ready to give their opinions when the bell rang, announcing your lesson was over and stopping the discussion from happening. The backpacks and chairs in the classroom combined in a messy, hustled melody created by your high schoolers. It was the end of the school day, after all.

“ Well, it’s nice to end the day with a hook. Please read Sonnet 18 one more time and write a short comment about it in your reading journals. We’ll discuss it in the next class. Enjoy your Valentine’s day, everybody!”

One by one, the students left the room, leaving you alone with the mess of the classroom. As usual, you organized the desks and chairs for the next day, erased the white board, turned the electronics off and put away all of the supplies in the cabinet. You only left out your pencil case and the piles of assignments to grade. It was Tuesday, but the faster you start grading, the easier your Friday will be. Even though being a teacher means that you eventually (or always) take work home, you made yourself a rule that you’d avoid working during your weekends. Also, no teacher wants to grade anything on a Friday afternoon. It’s not like you have anything to do on Valentine’s day, either way.

You directed your attention to the desk and a huff left your body as you thought about the few hours of unpaid work you had ahead of you. You didn’t know if the gray Tuesday made your situation worse or better. You tried to see it with a positive attitude: at least you wouldn't spend the next few hours inside, admiring a perfect sunny day through the windows of your classroom.

Before sitting down to start grading, you got your phone and your airpods in your bag, you didn’t bother to turn the airplane mode off, and, to be honest, that was probably the best option if you wanted to really focus on your work. A playlist of your favorite songs is the one selected for the occasion. You put your phone away, grab your green pen and start.

When The Truth Untold started, you were halfway through grading. You couldn’t help thinking of how unlucky you were. BTS came into your life only during the pandemic, which meant no concerts, but lots of content and late night meme videos and Korean lessons that distracted and helped you when you needed the most. When the concerts finally happened in the US, you were out of the country to complete part of your Masters in Literature in England. It was more than a dream come true, from visits to the Globe to visits to the lakes and all of the places your favorite authors and characters saw long before. It felt bittersweet. The timing was just wrong, and now, it felt like the chances of seeing all seven of them just escaped through your fingers. All you could do was wait. Wait until the seven of them come back, and trust them. It was hard, but was there another option?

Just fans understand how hard it is.

Alright, you need to focus on the grading.

The playlist kept going as you corrected and graded and wrote comments in each of the papers, carefully analyzing the work of your students. Every once in a while, you’d laugh at how they expressed their opinions on their essays. How fun their snarky comments were! The piles of paper were organized into folders. Thankfully, in less than three hours, the work was finally done, (until the next time, which will probably happen sooner than what you want.) It’s half of the week, and finally time to go home.

Winter was unusually warm this year. Still, the short walk from the school to the subway station felt longer because of the cold air. It wasn’t too cold, but it wasn’t comfortable either. The hot mass of air that embraces you as you enter the station is welcomed, at least during the colder seasons. The station was packed, it’s always a struggle when it’s peak time, but on days like this, when the busy people of the city go out to dinner to celebrate the existence of their love life, it is just the worst. When the train came, you found a spot where you could stay, close enough to the door so you could leave it three stations later.

You hope there is a seat for you in the Q train that will take you to Brooklyn. Deep down, you know it’s hopeless. At 6 pm Times Square station is filled with both New Yorkers and tourists. You could differentiate them easily, from their clothes to the kind of demeanor they have. The empty eyes were usually the giveaway whether someone was a New Yorker or not. You hoped you had the same curious eyes you had when you first moved to NYC for college, but you understand that, as much as you love the city and all it means to you and your journey, routine takes some of the magic away. Right now, you bet your face gives away your exhaustion too, if there’s someone watching you, you’re sure they know you live here.

People watching was your favorite pastime during your commuting time: imagining what each one of those people was like, their dreams and hopes, if they had any. Today, you could see a considerable amount of bouquets in the train, and it makes your imagination go wild imagining what expects these people once they get to their destination. You try not to get caught while you look at them for the next 30 minutes, then, you leave the train and walk home.

You were fumbling in your bag in a failed attempt to find your keys when the door of your apartment slammed opened.

“Where the hell were you?” Your roommate demanded.

“At the school, Cami.” You answered as you took your shoes off and went inside.

“ Why weren’t you answering your phone? I called so many times.”

“I was grading papers”

“On Valentine’s Day?”

“It’s not like I have a date”

“______ you seriously need to do a better job at answering your phone” she huffed. “I was freaking out here”

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? Is my family okay? It was in airplane mode and I just didn’t care to check it after I left the classroom.”

“Everybody is okay. Well, emotionally I’m definitely not okay. I’ve been freaking out here since I got home from work. Seriously, we need to communicate better so we can actually leave school together, we can grade here! Why do you have to stay there so late anyways? I needed to talk to you and You. Weren’t. Answering.” She paused. “Why am I freaking out? It’s not like it’s something I care about. Oh my God! Maybe I care about it because you care about it." Camila pointed at you. "What is happening to me?! Am I literally freaking out on Valentine’s day because of a tour of a guy that I’m not even interested in? I promise I won’t be alone for Valentine's day next year, I need a date to look forward to instead of getting crazy over a K-pop man. This is the worst day of my life!” Camila rambled while pacing in the living room

“Did you say tour?”

“Seriously? That’s all you heard?!”

“You were saying so many things”

“Alright, sit, and please, I am begging you to turn the airplane mode off”

You do as she says, and as soon as your phone connects to the wifi, hundreds of notifications pop on your screen, including notifications from the Weverse app. Your heart jumps. One of the members of BTS on tour? You opened the app.

SUGA | Agust D TOUR

“What?” Your voice was so low you could barely hear it.

“Why are you so calm? Isn’t he the whole reason why you are a BTS fan?” Camila pauses to massage her temples. "Why am I freaking out? Isn’t he the guy you dream about all the time? ”

Yes, he is. You thought. The one and only Min Yoongi. The reason why you became an ARMY in the first place.

Turns out, the mysterious guy from your dreams back in 2020 was real. You've dreamt of him so many times before finding out he was actually a living person and not a figment of your imagination.

After the first time dreaming about him, you were washed with a sense of comfort you couldn’t quite understand. The crying over your ex had gotten better with each dream, simply because the feeling of seeing him in your sleep made you feel happy the whole day and forget anything else.

You could see him… Writing, laughing with the most precious smile, reading, recording at the studio, and at last… playing the piano. A real piano. The first time you heard him, though, he looked younger, but you could still see the same focus and the same passion as he played each note so beautifully. That morning of quarantine, almost a month after the first dream, you woke up with the urge to cry from how mighty the scene was. The warmth of the presence of the boy in the piano was already a familiar feeling, but actually listening to his music? Ah, you wanted to stay in that scenario forever. You hummed the song throughout the day, you asked Camila if she knew that melody, just so you could listen to it again. You thought about that the whole time, until you remembered how technology existed and you could just hum the melodies to your cell phone.

It was a BTS song.

And so you listened to that sweet piano melody, and heard him rapping for the first time. And searched for the names of the guys in the band. And finally, you saw the face of that mysterious man on your phone screen. It was weird that you dreamed of an actual person that turned out to produce music before knowing the person actually existed, right? Why you were dreaming about a korean idol and why it made you feel so content was a mystery to you. You tried not to dwell on that, realizing this was the way the universe sent BTS to you, when you needed it the most. And slowly, moving on from your trauma was easier. Letting your ex-boyfriend go was getting simpler each day. You finished that letter (Was it a letter or a novel? With the amount of pages you wrote, you didn’t even know anymore) and just let it go. Yoongi helped you, the boys helped you, and they didn’t even know.

Sometimes when you watch stuff, you get washed with the sense of deja vu. But it is what it is. Yoongi keeps popping in your dreams from time to time, you started to write about him and you irresistibly became an ARMY. How could you not?

“Earth to ______'' Camila snapped her fingers in front of your face “ I thought you’d scream! For God’s sake, I did! Why aren’t you freaking out when I am? You are the fan!”

“Sorry, Cami, I just don’t know how to react. You know how much they all mean to me. But with him… I just can’t believe I’ll finally have the chance to see him” your eyes burned filled with tears.

“Oh, amiga… We will try all we can to get you the best tickets. You will see him play the piano in front of you. I know how much this means to you, how much you changed after you became a fan. I will make sure it happens. I promise.”

You looked at your friend, sitting by your side on the pink couch you insisted on buying for your living room.

“You can’t control that, Cami”

“I can’t, but I will sign up for the pre-sale with as many email accounts as I can. I will even buy the membership thing.”

“ You sound like a fan”

“Well, if he helps you so much, maybe I should be a fan, do you think one of them could visit me in my sleep too? I bet it would be fun” She jokes.

“I wish I could talk to him, even in my dreams”

“When you go to the concert, he will look at you and you guys will fall in love”

“Cami, this is not fanfiction”

“Are you really quoting me right now? Well, I will create my own fanfiction if I want to. Nothing’s impossible. It would be great, then next year you won’t be alone for Valentine’s day. Maybe we can go on a double date, cause next year I’ll definitely have someone.”

“I’m not alone, you are literally in front of me”

“You know the kind of alone I’m talking about. Now, let’s make our Galentine’s dinner. I saw this recipe of spinach gnocchi that seems very easy. I want to try it tonight. Then, we’ll have a date with Mr. Darcy.”

“Camila, have I told you that I love you?”

“Te quiero, amiga, but you better answer your phone next time”

🪷🪷🪷

After squealing during the entirety of “Pride and Prejudice”, you called it a night and went to your room. It was late, but you couldn’t stop yourself from checking all of the details of the announcement and texting your ARMY friends back.

It felt surreal. That your bias will go on a tour. That you’ll finally have the chance of seeing one of them. Excitement was an understatement. You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage. You needed to sleep now, but your whole body was already buzzing with anticipation of going to the concert, of seeing Yoongi in front of you in real life.

Instead, you open the Weverse live and watch it. You pay attention as he talks about Slam Dunk and shares about Fashion Week. You worry when he said he hasn’t eaten, you smile with him once you see his reaction to the tour announcement coming out. You are washed with a wave of love for the artist on the screen.

“It’s not good to be delusional, _______” you say out loud. But you are not sleepy enough right now, and it was indeed Valentine’s day, so your imagination starts making up alternate realities of what could’ve been. You get your dear journal and write a poem, a confession.

“Let’s see each other in person, Yoongi” That’s what you hope and pray for.

🪷🪷🪷

Yoongi POV

Yoongi woke up on that Wednesday with that fuzzy feeling on his chest again. He knew this was getting too weird for his own good, there was no way dreaming about a random person he had never seen in his life was a normal thing.

Three years ago, he thought seeing a woman crying while writing was just a way his brain found to deal with his own creative process and the frustrations coming with it. But the story was getting too complex, the scenes were getting too detailed. There’s no way he knew sonnet 18 by Shakespeare by heart to create that kind of scene. He didn’t even know it by heart in Korean!

He couldn’t complain. He was nervous about his solo tour and his album and seeing her in his dreams gave him a warm sensation of calmness. He hasn’t heard her voice many times, so listening to the teacher in his dreams reading that poem with such devotion made him happy. He closed his eyes, still in bed, trying to replay it in his mind. The big smile and kind eyes shining so bright while talking about the sonnet with so much passion… His heart shrinks a little, the good kind of pain, he wishes he could see her for real, if she’s real. She must be. She has to.

He knew that feeling wouldn’t leave him, even if he tried, the warmth, the pull and the want to see her one more time. This would follow him for the rest of the day and he was getting used to it after such a long time.

He didn’t know what to do. Yoongi knew people would say he’s crazy if he dared to talk about this out loud. So, he resorted to his old friends, the yellow notepad and the pencil. And just like the other times she followed him in his mind, he wrote her another song.

To be continued.

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed (Part 11 A)

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go

Read on AO3 here or below cut

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Read Epilogue

Note: I did it again, the chapter is too long for tumblr so I have to split it into three parts. Make sure you read A first!!!

Jungkook wasn’t nervous for his date with Alex. Why would he be nervous? It was Alex. He knew everything Alex liked. He knew how to have a good time with her. He knew how to make her laugh until she’d yell she was going to pee herself and go waddling to the bathroom while he shouted things after her to try and make it happen. He knew what food she liked and how long she could tolerate standing in line for an attraction and that she didn’t mind the cold but she didn’t like to get wet in the rain because she didn’t like her hair and clothes sticking to her skin. 

Once he had wanted to test that, run naked through the rain with her. She had of course refused and punched him in the stomach for the suggestion. He wondered if now he had a better chance of convincing her… for science, obviously! Did she still mind the rain if her hair was in a bun and she was totally naked in it? What if he was on top of her, blocking some of it?

But in all seriousness, he might not really date other than an occasional activity preceding a good fuck but if he was ever going to go on a date, Alex was the easiest partner for it. They could have fun –and had!-- anywhere: the grocery store, a furniture store, CVS to get their flu shots, McDonald’s at 2am, urgent care that time his ears were stopped up so badly and his fever was so high he started to cry and she forced him to go and kept referring to him as “my son” to the nurses and he couldn’t stop laughing despite the pain. 

So yeah, why would he be nervous about a date? He had no doubts about success. He was going to take her to minigolf, school her ass, then tacos from the best truck in town which he had confirmed would be at Hoff Memorial Park;  they’d eat sitting in the cold on a picnic bench and then he’d take her home to his bed before the rain started around nine and he’d, you know. Spaghetti her. He’d put a lot of thought into what positions he’d use too. A lot. Needed to be sure he’d maximize her pleasure and not bend or twist her in a way that hurt her. Stroke her just right. He wanted to win a scream! Leave her a trembling melted mess in his arms. Ah, it’d be so good… she’d be all fuck, Koo, I finally get it now, you’re really fucking good at this. Make her eat her words alongside his dick, that thing she’d always said with a laugh, damn, if the insta-girls could see the real you they’d be heartbroken.

He needed to show her what’s good.

He had a plan.

And then the comments started.

Nate: “Oh damn, you actually have a date with her? Wasn’t that last guy really good at dates? Good luck, my man.”

Namjoon: “Oh. That’s the date you planned? Isn’t that just… what you guys normally do?”

Taehyung: “Yeah this is the time, you can really show her that you’re serious and mature and want to do this, so like, whole nine yards, something big and– oh. Minigolf? Um…”

Sabina: “Don’t take her to minigolf. She deserves more than minigolf.”

Anita: “Hm, I think minigolf just seems a little easy and impersonal. But you know her best! If you think that’s the kind of date she likes, then…”

Jimin: “You messaged me on my honeymoon for this? It’s fine, Alex will think it’s funny.”

Fuck. Fuck! As Jungkook paced his apartment the afternoon before the date, he realized his plan was no good. He didn’t want Alex to think their date was funny. He wanted her to think it was romantic. He wanted her to be awed by his charm and suaveness… suavity…. State of being suave. He wanted her to be swept off her feet. He wanted her to forget Hobi was ever a guy she dated and it sucked because Nate was right, Hobi was good at dates. He showed up and showed out and Alex was always all flustered and bubbly after their dates. Jungkook wanted Alex to be like that afterwards. Not just like “yep that was an ok time hanging out with my good buddy JK.” He wanted blushes and giggles and then bam, spaghetti!

This called for a fucking re-plan. And fast. 

He showered so he’d smell fresh and lotioned and not like the mall, slapping on cologne and spot-fixing his acne in between looking things up on his laptop perched precariously on the bathroom counter. A few google searches and phone calls later and he’d completely redone their plans for the night, pulling out all the stops. Was it going to hurt his bank account? Yes. Was she worth it? Also yes.

Much more at ease about the whole thing, Jungkook took one more look at himself in the mirror, snapped a selfie, and posted it to his socials for the pep talk he needed.

[TheJK.1997]: look good feel good treat her good, ready for the surf and turf. Best wine recs for Hollyoak Vineyard go

He checked himself one last time, ran over a spot he missed shaving real quick, and was out the door in plenty of time to pick her up early, just to really surprise her. Definitely not because he was getting a stomachache from nerves and needed to do something other than pace from living room to kitchen and pick at his lips.

She wasn’t ready. There he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers even though it made him feel like a fucking idiot because Hoseok gave her flowers so it would look like he was copying but obviously he couldn’t not show up with flowers –there he was with a fucking bouquet of flowers, sitting in a living room he’d been in at least one thousand times since he’d known Alex, while her dad sat in the chair and watched a Planet Earth documentary and her mom made tea in the kitchen even though he had assured her he didn’t want any. They had said hello to him and not much else, both like this was any other time that he’d come over and also like it wasn’t and they weren’t supposed to acknowledge his presence as he just sat there on the couch in slacks and a button up with fucking flowers to give their fucking daughter who was fucking late. It was mortifying. Jungkook wished he could melt into the cracks between the couch cushions. He wished Dilong would come running out and scratch his throat or piss on him or something so he had an excuse to just leave.

“How’s work?” Baba Song asked him over the sound of flamingos feeding.

“It’s good. Busy at the holidays.”

“How is your dad’s– ah, I will just ask him, I’ll see him tomorrow.”

Jungkook nodded. He wasn’t actually sure what about his father was unwell right now, so he should ask. He pulled out his phone and saw they were going to have to hurry to make their dinner reservation. 

“AHh I had better check on her–” Jungkook mumbled, starting to stand. Mama Song was just setting tea in front of him and took it upon herself to shout for Alex followed by Chinese. Alex answered in short Chinese, then came down the hall.

“I’m ready, ok? What’s the rush? I was doing my makeup– oh?” She stopped in front of him and her eyes went right to the flowers. “You brought me flowers?”

Jungkook was instantly mortified. She was probably comparing them to the ones Hoseok had bought her.

“They’re for your mom,” he quickly corrected, thrusting them towards Mama Song. 

Who let out a cackle of a laugh and said, “I will put them in water for Alex. I have a perfect vase. They are beautiful.”

“Wait, I want to see them,” Alex cried, leaping after her mother. She bent down to look close and Jungkook felt like she might as well be examining his limp dick, he was so embarrassed. They were supposed to be nice. He’d bought really nice ones at the standalone shop next to the Starbucks –not the one she worked at, not the one Hoseok worked at, a different one! He didn’t know what kinds of flowers they were but there was lots of color and some spiky looking ones because they looked fun and he thought spiky flowers made sense for her. 

“They’re really pretty,” she said.

“You’re really pretty,” he countered automatically, an old way they had of teasing each other except this time he’d accidentally been nice. Baba Song coughed on the couch and Jungkook thought it had to be related. Cool, he already felt like he was dying anyway as Alex grinned wide and looked him up and down and he was sure she was laughing at him. Baba Song laughing at him too was exactly what he didn’t need.

“You look like you’re going on a date,” Alex mused.

“Uh…” The panic was instant. “Aren’t I?”

“Koopa,” she laughed and hit him on the arm. “You’d better be! Let’s go, weren’t you in a rush a minute ago? You know it takes time to do my makeup without you to help.”

“It looks good,” he said, though the points weren’t quite even which he only noticed because sometimes it took her ten tries before she’d give up and ask him to do it. He started to offer to fix it now but she was already headed towards the door and it didn’t matter. 

“Goodbye Mr. Song. Mrs. Song,” he called. Should he promise to have her home at a certain time? Even addressing them that way felt weird but like, he was taking their daughter out on a date, he had to seem sort of respectful and responsible, right? “Thank you for the tea!” He hadn’t even touched it.

Alex’s skirt was very short, he noticed as they went to his car. She had fancy green tights on underneath it so he couldn’t see skin or anything but it did occur to him that if she bent over, he might not even need to hike it up. Not that he was just thinking about fucking! It really felt more like a nervous impulse to think about it, because he was way more nervous about the not-fucking parts right now as he hurried around and slid into the driver’s seat. He wasn’t even trying to fuck her tonight! He just wanted to hit it out of the park, this whole “date with the goal of earning another date” thing.

“So where are we going?” she asked as he started the car. It was cold and he wished he had thought to run out and start it early so she wouldn’t have to sit in it; she was wearing a new coat, not her usual bulky one that made her look like a burnt marshmallow. You know, in a cute way!

“Um… you know that steakhouse over on–”

“Steakhouse,” she repeated, eyes going wide. “You can’t afford steak!”

“You don’t know what I can’t afford. I’m taking you to a steakhouse!”

“Ok ok geez.” She wiggled in her seat to get comfortable. “I figured you’d just take me for tacos or something. Steak is fine.”

He scoffed, “Come on. I’m a better date than that.”

“All right James Bond or whatever…” she mumbled. “Didn’t know you had something you were trying to prove or whatever.”

“Yeah well…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Yeah, of course he had something to prove. “Is it warm enough for you?” He made it warmer, just in case, even though he was starting to sweat. 

They lapsed into silence. The roads were icy so he didn’t want to be too distracted but it made him nervous for her to just be sitting there staring out the window. Silence was bad on a date, that was something everyone knew. Silence was definitely not going to leave her starry-eyed and weak in the knees.

“So uh, how’s work?”

“Ugh, next question,” she snorted, and reached for the radio dial.

“No, don’t turn music on. Let’s just… talk.”

“O…k….”

He started talking just to fill the silence. He told her about his own work, and about Appa thinking he wanted to do Christmas lights and throwing one lit net over a bush and calling it a day, and about his new nephew who was still pretty useless but starting to look cuter now. He realized they had seen each other a few days ago so these life updates weren’t necessary but he wanted some sort of connection.

“Uh… well, there’s not much going on with me… well, Hobi brought a box of my stuff to work today, so that kind of sucked–”

“He brought it to your work?!”

“Well he waited in the parking lot but yeah… I mean we agreed to do that today but still that sucked in the morning and then I got home and Dilong puked on my bed and I stubbed my toe while I was getting ready… but you brought me flowers, so that’s the best part of my day so far,” she smiled. 

“They were for your mom…”

“Oh yeah? For Mrs. Song?” she teased. 

But he didn’t feel like being teased because this was a date and they were supposed to be getting to know each other and charming each other, so instead he suggested, “Ok let’s not talk about Hobi or uh, other exes or anything tonight.”

“Um… ok… Geez, sensitive much?’

“It’s my date with you.”

“You just asked me how my day was and I told you.”

“Ok so now I know and I’m just saying we can talk about other things now.”

“Ok like what?”

“Um…” Jungkook wracked his brain, but everything that came to mind wasn’t the kind of thing he wanted to talk about on their first date. Funny but inappropriate memes, friend gossip, political outrage, bemoaning the economy, a really bloody anime he’d started and thought she might like too, none of it was the way he wanted to represent himself right now as a respectable and respectful guy. Boyfriend material.

“We’re here,” he announced. Saved by the drive time. He pulled into a spot near the water’s edge –just a pond, but definitely something the steakhouse capitalized on for atmosphere. Fairy lights hung above the walkway through a little windy garden to reach the front of the restaurant.

“Woah, this place is nice,” Alex murmured, bumping into him as she looked around. “Are you sure about this? It’s really fancy… I didn’t dress for something this fancy…”

“I’m sure.” He took her hand and looped it through his arm. “You deserve something like this. It’s our first date. Right?” He looked eagerly down at her, needing to hear her agree that it was in fact their first date and that was in fact a big deal to her too.

“I guess but you really didn’t have to go to so much trouble. You know me, I’m easy–”

“I don’t know you. This is our chance to get to know each other,” he corrected. “As –you know, this new way of seeing each other.” As romantic partners, he couldn’t bring himself to say.

He thought her smile looked unconvinced but at least she was smiling. They reached the front door –and now he saw a side ramp they could have taken right to the front door instead of wandering through the garden. Uh well. He opened the door for her and they walked in to easily the nicest restaurant Jungkook had ever been to in his life. The host was wearing a tux. 

Shit this place was going to be expensive.

“Good evening,” the host greeted them as Jungkook shirked his coat off.

“Hi. Um, Jungkook Jeon, table for two. I have reservations for 6:00.” 

“Ah, yes, Jeon, hm…” The host didn’t move as his gaze trailed down Jungkook and then slid to Alex. “My apologies, Mr. Jeon, but were you aware that there is a dress code for dining here?”

Jungkook glanced down at his slacks and dark blue button up and nodded, “Yeah. We dressed nicely.” He glanced at Alex and realized he hadn’t told her to dress nicely but yeah, she looked great: short red skirt, dark green legs, a fluffy white sweater with… pearls? Had she really worn a sweater with pearls all across the chest to their date– ok, but she hadn’t meant anything filthy by it, he was sure of that. Just because his mind went there didn’t mean hers did.

“I’m sorry, the dress code is formal. That means at least a tie and jacket for the gentleman and formal evening dress or pantsuit for the lady.” 

“Uh…” Jungkook glanced at their outfits again. “Well this is what we have on so…”

The host looked performatively apologetic as he said, “I’m sorry, I cannot seat you.”

“But… but I made a reservation,” Jungkook argued. “No one’s going to die because I’m not wearing a jacket.”

“Neither of you is dressed appropriately for the restaurant, I’m afraid–”

It was embarrassing, sure, but he also didn’t want Alex to hear someone insinuate she wasn’t dressed nicely, so he ignored that she was grabbing his arm and argued, “Ok but she looks like a million bucks so I don’t– you just need me to put on a jacket and a tie–”

“Jungkook, let’s just go,” she said, trying to push him back towards the door.

“But I made reservations. This isn’t the ‘50s. No one under 50 has a jacket and tie for dinner at a shitty suburban steakhouse on the swamp–”

“Koo, let’s go,” she grunted, and managed to push him back against the door. He pushed it and stepped back out into the cold and felt the anger flare up freely now.

“What the fuck kind of place– am I crazy? Who fucking cares whether I have a jacket and a tie on for–”

“Well they care, it’s their rule!”

“It’s discrimination against young people!”

“Yeah, did you see the people eating in the restaurant?” she laughed. “I don’t think they want young people eating there. They want like rich uppercrust people.”

“Those people don’t live here.”

“Well this place is kind of famous, isn’t it? Maybe they drive in…”

“Is it?”

“I think it was on a TV show,” Alex admitted, before pointing to a plaque beside the door. Apparently it had, and won a bunch of awards. No wonder they cared about the way they looked or whatever.

“Yeah well showing all that by the door is tacky,” Jungkook scowled. Waves of anger and embarrassment rolled over him. “My money is as good as the next guy’s.”

“Ok but who cares, we don’t have to eat at a place like this. Let’s just pick somewhere else,” Alex said, nudging him towards the ramp.

Ugh, Hoseok would definitely have worn the suit and tie.

“Maybe we can just run back to my place and I can grab the suit I wore to the wedding–”

“No, I’m not dressed like that either and I don’t want to change. I spent way longer than I want to admit figuring out what to wear that would be cute and comfy,” she protested.

“But I want to take you to this nice place–”

“I don’t care about the nice place!” she snapped. He really did think she snapped at him, and it shut him up. They marched in silence down the ramp back towards his car. They got into the car. They buckled their seatbelts.

Bad start to the date.

“We can go to Taco Bell for all I care,” Alex suggested.

“That’s a shitty date,” Jungkook sulked. “That’s the kind of date you think I am?”

“There’s nothing wrong with Taco Bell…”

“I’m not taking you to fucking Taco Bell,” he groaned and pulled out his phone and began scrolling again. What was close, and nice, and not a fucking Taco Bell, and not going to turn them away at the door because they weren’t dressed in some shitty elitist outdated formal dining attire. Fuck, he was so angry about it! Even if that was a rule, they couldn’t bend it? They couldn’t seat them somewhere private or something? He was trying to impress a girl here!

“We could do Italian… is that too much wine though? We’re going to a wine tasting afterwards.”

“A wine tasting?” Alex repeated. “Um…”

“You don’t like a wine tasting?”

“No no it’s fine!” Alex assured him. “That’s cute. You really… yeah, it’ll be great,” she smiled at him. “And sure, Italian is fine! Let’s do Italian. What place are you thinking?”

“Tomasso Trattoria and Enoteca,” Jungkook read, and handed her the phone as he started to drive so she could look at it.

“Woah… this place is still really nice though… I was thinking like Olive Garden–”

“Alex, can you please let me take this date seriously? I realize maybe you don’t care but–”

“I care! Care about this being our date? I care!”

“I want it to be a special date!”

“I get it! This place looks very special,” she told him, setting his phone in the cradle with the GPS up. 

He knew his frustration was a wall between them but she didn’t break it down this time. Usually she was good at that. He didn’t know what it meant, that she didn’t try. He wasn’t sure how to do it on his own, because if this was a date with someone else he wouldn’t care, he’d just change the subject and move on and vent about it to Alex later, or invent an excuse to take the girl home and go home. To Alex. Obviously she knew how he was, inside and out, but as he drove in the silence he started to feel a deeper embarrassment, like she’d seen him do something wrong. It wasn’t wrong for him to be annoyed with the restaurant for not letting them in! They had told him formal dress when he made the reservation sure but they didn’t explain that meant anything other than just looking your best! He looked his best! Alex looked her best! What, were they going to wear their wedding clothes or something?

“You know I was thinking about how crazy it is that just everything is Christmas this time of year,” Alex mused. “It’s not like I didn’t know everything is too Christmas and that there are lots of people who doesn’t celebrate who have to deal with it but I guess because we celebrate without being Christian, I didn’t really think about how fucking annoying it is for people who really don’t celebrate. Rebekah was telling me people always act like they’re sorry for her…” She continued to talk about it and he took the moment to breathe deeply. Ok. Change in plans. But Alex wasn’t demanding he take her home, so it would be ok. Even if he didn’t know why the fuck this was what she decided to ramble about, at least it was something.

The Italian place was busier, smaller, not on the water, but still nice and they didn’t get turned away at the door. The host took their coats for them. The tables had real candles, which Jungkook didn’t realize he cared about until they sat down and he saw the actual flicker from the breeze of their motions. The menus were short, which a Reddit thread had taught him meant it was a sign of a good restaurant. Their waiter had a bowtie and a black vest and offered to call over a sommelier to guide their wine selection.

“We’re going to a wine tasting after this,” Alex informed the waiter. “So I’ll wait on the wine.”

“We can have a glass or something here,” Jungkook argued.

Alex shook her head and tapped the wine menu, maybe trying to show him that the cheapest wine was $15/glass at a glance. But he had brought her to an Italian restaurant! For a fancy dinner! Wine was part of a fancy dinner!

“You don’t have to, but I’ll have a glass of something, send the sommelier over,” Jungkook insisted. 

Alex decided she’d have the glass too. They had to show their cards and mused as they always did about how old they would have to be before the stopped getting carded. The waiter brought them bread and promised their calamari appetizer would be out quickly.

“Wow, it’s so romantic here,” Alex murmured. Jungkook felt the sigh of relief radiate from his chest. The candle light danced across her skin as she studied the elaborate murals on the walls, partially obscured by heavy red curtains. Elegant music played over the low din of dining. They were towards the edge of a large room, tucked into a little booth by the window with a view of nothing but trees. A grand piano stood in the center of what looked like a dance floor, tables sparse on the wooden floor.

“I feel bad,” she continued. “I didn’t realize you wanted to do such fancy things, I would have dressed nicer.”

“I think you dressed nice.”

“I did too until I saw you,” she laughed. “I guess I forgot…”

“Forgot what?” he asked, not following.

“What you look like.”

“Whaaaat?” he grinned, warmed by the flattery. The compliments from her felt sincere in a way they hadn’t before. He was used to teasing, so he almost didn’t trust it, but she didn’t look like she was teasing him. Now he found himself hungry for more. Did she really think he was hot? Not just aware that other people thought so, but she thought so? She liked the way he looked? She liked the way he dressed?

“Oh my god,” she snickered and rolled her eyes. “Do you always take your ego on dates with you?”

“No, I left it at home tonight with my jacket and tie,” he joked. She smiled and looked so pretty in the candlelight. He draped his hand across the table, palm down, to see if she’d take the hint and put hers on it. Would they be the kind of couple that held hands at dinner? Obviously not on a first date, but someday would they sit on the same side of the booth? Well, in a more serious way than when they did that at Wendy’s so they could both put their feet up on the other bench, that was different.

“The mood lighting is so… romantic,” she said again. “I feel like I should have worn high heels.”

“Your boots have heels.”

“Yeah but you know what I mean…’

“Do you want to dance until our food gets here?” The question was impulsive. No one else was dancing. But that could mean she wouldn’t have to feel nervous or pressured about dancing on beat with him. They could just hold onto each other and sway, here by the table or over on the dance floor. Maybe other people could join. He had enjoyed dancing with her so much, it would be a nice thing to add tonight.

But her eyes went wide as she cried, “Hey, don’t make fun of me!”

“What–”

“Oh god, don’t joke about it,” she laughed and covered her face. “How fucking humiliating…”

Jungkook hadn’t meant it as a joke. He thought it would be romantic. He certainly hadn’t meant to embarrass her just by the suggestion of dancing together. Unsure what else to say, he racked his brain trying to think of topics. The problem was that the lists of things to talk about on your first date were things like ask about where they grew up and ask about their hobbies and ask them what makes them unique? And ask them where their favorite place in the world is. But Jungkook knew all of these things about her! He wanted to learn something new about her. He wanted to seem new to her.

“Uh… what’s your favorite place in the world?” he asked as she untangled the little legs of their calamari appetizer.

“Mine? I don’t know… my parents’ house? I guess it was our old apartment.”

“Oh. Really?” he frowned.

“Why are you frowning?!”

“That’s just kind of sad.”

“Ok. Ouch.”

“No! I mean because we don’t live there anymore.”

“Oh. Yeah. How annoying,” she sighed. “So what’s Namjoon like as a roommate?”

“He’s a good roommate,” Jungkook said because he didn’t want to gossip or vent or seem complainy. Namjoon was a good roommate! Sure, he had a household aesthetic and a lot of Jungkook’s stuff didn’t meet the mark so he was kind of crowded into his room. 

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Come on, you complained about living with me all the time.”

“Ah, yeah, sorry about that…”

“Huh?”

Embarrassed that she’d bring that up, he sipped his $15/glass wine. Yeah, he was worried about that. Alex was his best friend and he’d always treated her like a best friend but that wasn’t the same way you wanted to treat a girlfriend. He had a lot of things to undo. Actually, that was it, their first date wasn’t about learning, it was about unlearning all the things he would never have let a girl see about him. 

“You’re being so weird,” she laughed, and nudged his foot under the table. “Is something wrong?”

“Hm? No, why would something be wrong?”

“Don’t let that other place bother you. I like this place a lot better anyway, this calamari is really good! I hope you still like me when I’m bloated from too much fettuccine…”

Instantly he assured her, “Of course I do. I mean, not that you’ll be bloaty or– I mean, obviously the body naturally looks different after a big dinner but it’s not– I won’t notice that kind of– it’s just normal…”

“It was a joke,” she said. “I’m wearing a bulky sweater, you won’t be able to tell anyway. Unless you get me naked.” She arched her eyebrow. 

“We, um– tonight it’s um… were you thinking that? I thought we’d just have a nice date–”

“Oh. That’s not… nice? OK, I mean I’m half joking, I didn’t realize you had such a tight schedule for tonight!”

Jungkook had never felt so awkward and weird around Alex in his life. The only thing he knew to do was try and get the conversation back on track to Impressive Date Approved topics:

“Hey, so I was watching a really interesting show the other day. It was about the brain and all the changes it goes through from like a baby to a dead person– an old person.”

“The brain does very much still change after you die,” she pointed out. Yeah, dead people and rotting brains was definitely not on the approved list. No girl went home from a date and was like oh boy he was so handsome and charming and funny and we talked about decaying brains. I’m so in love.

She had not said that to him yet. That she loved him. There hadn’t been any real confession or labeling and he was obviously fine with that, he didn’t need labels, but still, it would be cool to get her to say something he could be sure of.

“No, don’t be like that, it was really cool to see– oh thank Christ the food is here.”

“You in a hurry or something?” she laughed. Which reminded him that they did have a scheduled start time for the wine tasting. He checked his phone as the waiter set their food down. 

“Our wine tasting is at 7:30.”

“What?! Then yeah we don’t have much time!”

“Yeah.” Hm, he hadn’t really done the math right– or well he had when he’d made reservations for six at the other place, he just hadn’t counted on needing to change restaurants. Actually they have very little time. “Uh, well, ok, let’s eat fast then…” Eating fast was not romantic. “Or we can miss it. It’s fine.”

But she waved her hand, already twirling pasta around her fork, “No way, we’ll make it. You worked so hard planning all of this! I can eat fast. Damn this is good pasta…. You want to try this?”

He did, but he already envisioned the noodles swinging down and getting on his dark shirt. And then she’d want to try his, which was spaghetti and meatballs (it was one of the cheapest things on the menu, ok?!) and he’d drop one and it would bounce onto her white sweater. It wasn’t worth the risk.

“Nah, we can just eat our own food,” he assured her. 

And promptly knocked his glass of wine to the ground, shattering it.

**

Alex had never seen Jungkook acting so weird in her life. He swung back and forth between distracted and too intense. One moment she’d think he was bored and the next he’d ignore whatever she just said and start telling her a play by play of some brain documentary he watched! He was clearly pissed about the first restaurant turning them away but then didn’t seem to care about the next place even though it was really nice; they had to leave so quickly to get to the wine tasting that they didn’t even get dessert. 

He wasn’t acting like himself at all. Honestly, she felt like another day he might have still been able to sweet talk them into that first restaurant –though she was glad he hadn’t because she wasn’t really comfortable in a place like that anyway. It was bad enough being at the Italian restaurant where Jungkook insisted on paying and the waiter gave her a menu without prices so she didn’t even know how much damage she was doing to Jungkook’s bank account. He didn’t want to talk about any of the things they normally talked about. He didn’t respond to any of her jokes. 

She couldn’t figure it out. Did he just not want to be here? But that didn’t make sense, because if he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be! Jungkook had no problem peacing out of a situation he didn’t want to be in. He’d bailed on her plenty of times, that wasn’t hard for him.

They rushed across town to get to Hollyoak Vineyards for this wine tasting Jungkook had booked them for –and she was confused, because they couldn’t do a vineyard tour in the cold and dark or anything– and made it just in the nick of time. He kept saying over and over that it was fine if they missed it, which seemed to mean it wasn’t fine. 

And then, checking in, winded by the sprint from the car, Alex made a terrible discovery: she had left her wallet and ID at the Italian restaurant. Which might have been fine if Jungkook wasn’t with her, because often she didn’t get carded on her own. But Jungkook made her look younger with that charming babyface of his. The woman asked to see their IDs before they could join the tour and tasting.

“I left it at the restaurant,” she admitted quietly, turning to Jungkook.

For a moment he just looked at her.

“You don’t have your ID?”

“It’s at the restaurant.”

“Uh…”

He froze. He looked between her and the employee and Alex knew that look: somebody fix this for me because I don’t know what to do now. Usually she didn’t see that look unless he was drunk or in emotional crisis. Neither was true now, except that he still wasn’t saying anything.

“Is there another tasting tonight?” Alex asked the employee.

“No, I’m sorry. I can reschedule you for another day?”

“Could he start the tasting now and I’ll go and come back–”

“No, you’ll miss the whole thing,” Jungkook said, reanimated. He pulled his ID off the counter and tucked it back into his wallet. “Ok, we’ll go. Thanks anyway.”

“I’m sorry, I guess it fell out of my purse under the table,” she explained as they left the place. He didn’t say anything. She couldn’t tell if he was pissed or disappointed, but she felt bad either way. “I’m really sorry, Jungkook.”

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter,” he sighed. “Uh…” They reached the car and he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She didn’t know what he was thinking about or if he was just trying to control his emotions or what. “You want me just to take you home? This is all kind of a bust, huh?”

“Wha? No, don’t take me home yet!”

“You sure? ‘Cause this a pretty fail date so–”

“Oh my god are you serious right now?” she laughed. “It’s fine! Things go wrong sometimes, it’s not that serious. Can’t we just find something else to do?”

He let out a deep, heavy sigh.

“Hey look, I’m sorry I fucked up the wine tasting. We can just do that on another date, I’ll book it.”

“Yeah but…”

“Let’s just go to minigolf or something–”

“I’m not taking you to minigolf,” he huffed, and crossed his arms and leaned against the car, and rolled his eyes.

And frankly, Alex had had enough.

“Why the fuck not? What’s wrong with minigolf? What’s wrong with Taco Bell? I don’t want to be a bitch because I know you put all this effort into planning all of these things but why are you acting like we’re suddenly too good to– ok, we tried this fancy stuff and things went wrong so let’s just do something else! It doesn’t have to be a big deal!”

“It does have to be a big deal, Alex! It’s our first fucking date!”

“So?!” she shouted, throwing her arms up.

“What do you mean ‘so’?! It’s our first date! The first date we ever go on!” he shouted back.

“Yeah I know that! But it doesn’t have to be like some big…” She couldn’t think of the right words. Her shouting fizzled a bit as she thought through what he’d just said, and how actually very sweet that was.

“I wanted it to be big,” he insisted. “Hoseok always took you on these big fancy dates, right? Yeah, I can do that too!”

“Oh, Jungkook,” she sighed. And walked around and grabbed his coat and headbutted his chest and let her head rest there. “You dummy.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about what Hoseok did. Who cares?”

“You cared.”

“Past tense,” she pointed out, craning her neck to look up at him from so close. “Now I’m out on a date with you. I don’t have this like high expectation of–”

“Of a good date? You should. That’s shitty, I don’t–”

“We can do anything and it’s a good date. I just wanted to spend time with you. We already know all kinds of things we like doing together.”

“Yeah but this isn’t just hanging out, Alex. It’s a date date. I wanted it to be special.”

“It is special, you idiot.” She hit him on the arm several times to try and make him smile. “It’s us. Obviously it’s special.”

“No, we’ve always been just friends. This needs to be big so you know it’s different–”

“Do you think I’m a stupid little baby? Is that why you were telling me about baby brains? I know this is different! You brought me flowers and looked all nervous and awkward on my couch!” It was more fun to tease him than admit her own nerves as she’d dressed and redressed and then redressed again. But the excitement for her had been a thousand times louder than the nerves. Nervous-excited, not nervous-afraid.

He sounded nervous-afraid.

“Yeah but–”

“I put on sexy underwear and eyeliner! The pointy way you said looks good!”

“I know that– I mean not about the underwear but–”

“So why are you being so weird about our date? There’s no point if you don’t actually enjoy spending time with me.”

“What are you talking about?” he demanded, eyebrows furrowing into the little V she had predicted. “Of course I like spending time with you.”

“Yeah? What do you like doing with me?”

“I don’t know, just… stuff. Like… but it’s just been friend stuff before–”

“I’m no expert, but I think dating is kind of just doing the same things we always did except we say it’s a date now,” she pointed out. “You don’t think so? Or are you worried you don’t actually like me or something?”

“I like you, Alex, that’s why I’m nervous. Pretty sure I used a word stronger than ‘like’ before too.”

She let that sit for a moment. Hearing Jungkook admit he was nervous was a completely different lens to look at the whole evening. Hearing Jungkook reiterate that he liked her was like, nauseatingly unbelievable. 

Ok, now she was having a harder time not being nervous-afraid because yeah, this was pretty crazy, being on a date date with Jungkook that he was taking so seriously because he liked her and she liked him too. Oh god.

“Are you… are you just cranky because you’re worried about having a bad first date?” she fumbled out.

“Yeah! Obviously! Jesus, it’s like you– are you fucking with me right now?!”

“Oh my god, you are so high strung right now,” she sighed and pulled on his jacket. “Jungkook! Chill! Are you serious?”

“I just…”

“Baby,” she said, and reached up to grab his face in a burst of confidence fueled by all of his nonsense. “Baby Koo.”

“Shut up,” he grumbled.

“No, don’t be grumpy. Look at me.” He begrudgingly did so; he didn’t have much of a choice with her holding his head. “Thank you for a wonderful dinner and for scheduling the wine tasting I fucked up. This whole evening is really special to me. The fact you worked so hard to make it special makes me feel really special. I don’t want to say goodnight yet, so I’d really like ice cream and minigolf with you.”

“Why are you so obsessed with minigolf?” he mumbled.

“I don’t know, I just think it’s a cute date idea and I like doing dumb things like that with you,” she shrugged, letting her hands fall away. He caught hold of them though and held. His fingers were cold. “I’m still allowed to like it, even when it’s a date date.”

“Yeah, well…” His mouth twisted in thought, so cute. “My original plan was to do minigolf,” he confessed. “And the taco truck. But then everyone acted like that was really lame and low effort so I wanted to do something bigger so you would know–”

“Fuck that!” Alex cried. “And fuck them! I like minigolf and tacos!”

“I know you like that but I wanted to like… I want you to be all giddy and stuff, you know? No one gets giddy over minigolf.”

“They do when they win,” she beamed. “You wouldn’t know about that. Since you never win.” 

His eyes narrowed. “Uh, pretty sure I always beat your ass. I can’t let you win, just because it’s a date.”

“Who said anything about let?”

“Ugggh but see? I can’t beat your ass, that’ll be a bad date.”

“Then let me win.”

“You’d hate me forever.”

“I wouldn’t hate you! I’d just be shocked you were down that bad for me– I don’t think your ego could let someone–”

“Hey, I let girls win that shit all the time,” he interrupted. “I don’t let you win because I respect you so much.”

“Yeah or because you aren’t trying to get into my pants.”

“No, but I do want into your pants now.”

“Well… sounds like you know what to do then…” She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows and felt full body relief. Everything made so much more sense now. She should have figured it out sooner that Jungkook was just nervous and frustrated that things weren’t going to his plan when he was trying so hard! But how could she have guessed he was this worked up about impressing her? It was just her!

“Alex,” he whined her name. She started to walk around the car but he was still holding her wrist and pulled her back. “We can’t play minigolf. Forty years from now we’ll be talking about our first date and I’m going to say I took you to play fucking minigolf?”

Damn. Damn that sounded serious. 

“Um, well,” she stammered, distracted at the casual way in which he’d basically just been like yeah we’re going to be together forever. “Well first you’ll probably tease me about forgetting my wallet and then you’ll probably tease me about being easy or childish because I wanted to play minigolf.”

“Ah, that’s true… you asked for it. I’m just giving you what you wanted.” His voice lowered as he said it, as he pulled her closer, no secret about the innuendo.

“Giving me what I want is always the right move,” she agreed, and lifted her face so he wouldn’t have to crouch too far for the kiss she thought he was leading into. There was only a moment of hesitation during which she worried she’d read him wrong. Maybe this just wasn’t normal yet, but they wanted it. He smiled into the kiss, giving too much teeth against hers, but she tilted her face and the kiss softened and Alex forgot to breathe. You know, just Jungkook, kissing her in the parking lot, nose pressed against hers, warm breath and saliva mingling with hers.

She overbalanced on her toes and they fell back against his car but he caught his own weight and towered over her. 

“Maybe you should go back to being pissy and mean,” she breathed.

“Huh?”

“You’re making me dizzy,” she admitted with a laugh. “I know we kissed the other night but–” 

Jungkook cut her off with another kiss that made her toes curl and her heart stutter.

“Yeah?” he murmured, sounding a bit breathless himself as his nose gently nudged hers. “Am I giving you butterflies kissing you in the parking lot of the wine tasting we didn’t get to do?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed, wine-scented breath warm across her face. “Can you please be a little more high maintenance? I’m giving you permission to be demanding!”

“Oh, I will be, without your permission,” she assured him with a cheeky grin. “You seem to be forgetting– well, I won’t remind you. You just keep those rose-tinted glasses on for a while. At least until I make you cry at minigolf.”

“Ok, are you just forgetting that you’re really bad at minigolf? Because I have not forgotten it–”

“That’s not true! I’ve won before!”

“Yeah, by sabotaging me,” he pointed out.

“Mm-hm and now I can sabotage you even more, right? Like… oops I dropped my ball!” she joked and slid from his arms to bend over and pick it up. So he had a nice profile of just how high her skirt would go. She was wearing tights, it wasn’t going to show anything but look, she’d learned a few things over the years about what Jungkook liked. He liked the tease. The suggestion. Maybe he liked it more than the real thing. 

She hoped he didn’t like the idea of her more than the real thing.

Also he really liked ass, so at least that was a safe bet.

He grumbled and demanded, “How many dates do we have to go on before I’m allowed to spank when you do something like that?”

Oh god be cool she begged herself because, you know, Jungkook had basically just asked to spank her. Jungkook. Spanking her. Just… spanking her. Cool. Cool cool.

“Um… three.”

He looked unhappy about it but nodded, “Ok. So you’re just going to tease me a lot tonight then?”

“Yeah, probably. But if you cry when you lose, I’ll comfort you. I’m not totally mean.”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a hug when you lose,” he promised. “I’m a caring date.”

“You’re a nice guy.”

“Yeah, I’m a nice guy,” he laughed, then tried to tickle and poke her through her coat. “I am. Sorry if I was weird or whatever tonight.”

“Hey, why are you talking like the night is over? You are still on a date,” she argued. 

“Right right, I have to make your dreams come true. Minigolf and ice cream.”

“And you,” she added, sort of without meaning to. At least the vulnerability of it hit her after she’d said the words. She just had meant to specify he was an important part of why she would like those things on a date!

But the thing was, she didn’t really feel vulnerable tonight in a bad way. She didn’t feel as nervous or impostery as she had feared. This was Jungkook! She didn’t think there was anyone in the world she was safer with and all his efforts and overthinking seemed to prove that. He’d taken on all the nerves for her. What a great guy.

He smiled, that goofy crooked toothy grin of her best friend, and said, “Well call me a dreamboy, baby, because I’m about to make all your dreams come true–”

“Ok you did not get laid with lines like that,” Alex said with a roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, sure I did!”

“No.”

“I did! Are you saying that did not make you cream your panties? What kind of panties did you say again–”

“Oh my god, just get in the car.”

“Fine, what date can I ask about your panties? Because I thought that one was ok since we talked about it the other night.”

“My panties?”

“Yeah.”

“You mean because you’ve been hoarding my underwear at your–”

“Woah woah I did not– I told you they were just mixed in with–”

“They?! How many of my underwear do you have?!”

“Get in the car, Song.”

She giggled and continued to taunt him as the car heated up and he looked up places. There was an indoor one at the mall they were familiar with but Alex wanted the outside one which was still open through the end of the month and served ice cream.

“You sure you’re ok with outside?”

“I’ll be fine! I have a coat and sweater tights.”

“Oh is that why they look fancy?”

“Yeah, they’re textured. Want to feel them?” she teased as he drove. But he took the advantage, letting his hand slide across her thigh. She got very quiet. His hand just looked so familiar and comfortable there, like that was his thigh. 

“Yeah, I like these,” he nodded. “Your whole outfit.”

She waited, then sighed, “You noticed I couldn’t get my eyeliner straight, didn’t you?”

“Well, that’s why you have me now,” he laughed. “I can help next time.”

“Look you weren’t the only one nervous, ok?”

“Yeah? What were you nervous about, baby?” he asked, still rubbing her thigh. He might as well have been rubbing somewhere else with that firm grip. The devil part of her wanted to just ask him to let his hand run higher, maybe a sequel to the other night…

“Yeah don’t act all cocky now. I know your secret!” she retorted and adjusted her skirt.

“What’s my secret?”

“You like me.”

“You’re right, that is a very well kept secret,” he laughed. “Please don’t spread that around. There might still be a couple people in town I didn’t drunkenly blab that to in the last few months.”

She sighed happily at his expense. Maybe the craziest thing wasn’t being on a date with ex-best-turned-best-friend-again Jungkook. Maybe the craziest thing was that being on an actual date with him didn’t feel as crazy as she’d always expected it to. Would that come later? She hadn’t felt mismatched on his arm walking into either restaurant like she’d expected to. Yes, he was the hottest guy in any room. And he wanted to put his face between her legs, so what did that make her?

Ok, that part was still a little wild and crazy. Not only that he’d wanted to but she’d let him. Maybe she’d even let him do it for real next time.

“You ok?”

“Hm?”

“Is it too hot in here now?” he asked.

“Yeah, way too hot,” she agreed, reaching forward to crank the heat down. Jungkook cracked the windows. She drank the cool air in and pushed back against the warm tingling starting to build up. 

“So what did your parents say when you told them I was picking you up for a date tonight?” he asked, throat clearing. It made her suspicious in two directions.

“Why, what did they say to you?” she asked, the safer question than: why you clearing your throat, boo? Whatcha thinking about? 

“Nothing, they were just acting kind of weird…”

“I told them we were going on a date date and they were just like ‘oh really? That’s nice.’ I don’t think they believed me!”

“Well I was dressed up with flowers.”

“Plus you were acting super weird too,” Alex pointed out.

“Thanks, babe.”

His hand left her thigh as he took a sharp turn and Alex wished he’d read her mind and put it back, but he did not.

“Let’s get your wallet, dummy.”

Fifteen minutes and one returned wallet later, he pulled into the minigolf parking lot and pressed, “You sure you want to do this?”

“Why? You scared?”

“No, I meant because it’s cold–”

“You’re scared.”

“I’m not scared, Alex. You golf like a toddler.”

“It’s minigolf, that’s the point!”

“That’s not the… whatever, ice cream before or after?”

“During. I’m ready to doublefist a cone and a club.”

It really was fucking cold outside, but the course was lit and they weren’t the only ones. The snack bar served them the ice cream, the employee giving them a raised eyebrow but handing the cones over. Jungkook hit his first ball straight into a pond and Alex got a scathing look from a mom when she shouted what are you the fucking hulk? It’s minigolf! While he shouted accusations at her That was your fault! Why are you bending over like that to tie your shoe? Your boots don’t even have laces! 

The truth was they were both pretty bad at minigolf tonight. Their teeth chattered and they huddled together from one hole to the next. They fucked with each other every single turn –dirty jokes, terrible impersonations, quoting memes and movies they knew would get a rise out of each other. Jungkook tried the same move she’d done in the beginning, even pulling his coat up to make sure she could see his ass, sulked when it didn’t work, and pretended like he was going to do a full on striptease –which would definitely have led to Alex’s premature death. Later she offered to suck his fingers to warm them up and he fell to the ground claiming he’d sprained his dick. 

And then it started to rain.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Jungkook shouted as Alex grabbed his hand and ran with him into the mountain tunnel in the center of the course. “It wasn’t supposed to rain until 9!”

“The weather does what it wants.”

“Yeah but it’s fucking with my date. You don’t like getting rained on! Unless today is the day we try the naked thing–”

She laughed and pulled him down closer to kiss his wet face. His skin was so cold. Their lips and noses were stiff. The sweetness of his mint choco ice cream lingered on his tongue. Alex stood on the railing for height and lost herself in the taste. She thought she’d be taking this dumb fantasy to her grave and yet here they were, making out in the minigolf mountain like the horny teenages they hadn’t gotten to be with each other. 

After several long, lazy, uncounted minutes had passed, they huddled together at the exit to survey the remaining distance. The rain was not letting up.

“Did you make it rain?” he demanded. “You’re that upset I’m beating you?”

“Uh… you aren’t beating me.”

“Alex, I’m totally beating you.”

“You totally aren’t.”

“Then what’s the score?”

“I don’t know but you don’t know either!”

“7-11.”

“You liar!” she laughed and tried to hit his ass. “Fine, we’ll count for real now.”

“Wait, what for real now? It’s raining!”

“It’s not raining that hard.”

“It’s hard enough!” he cried, then instantly laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, then groaned, “But I’m not, I’m freezing!”

“All right, let’s golf fast! Orrrr you could admit defeat.”

“Never,” he glared and grabbed his putter and took off.

The cheating was flagrant and largely futile. Putters were traded for kicking, rolling, and eventually just dropping the ball in the hole. They shouted numbers to make each other lose count. They were laughing so hard, doubled over at times as the rain grew heavier and colder. She really did hate the way her clothes and hair clung to her wet skin, but it was worth it to endure. This was a special night.

“We’re idiots!” Alex laughed, then shrieked as she slipped on a little bridge. Jungkook dove forward and rammed his elbow on the metal railing, didn’t help her, and sank to the ground like he’d been knocked out. “Get up! Get up! You’ll get hypothermia!”

Instead he took her putter and shouted, “Good luck winning now!” and limped forward, clutching his elbow. Alex ran ahead of him and managed to shove her ball into the final return hole just as he tried to kick his in. Instead he kicked her in the shoulder and shouted in horror. She tried to stand, he tried to crouch.

“Fuck!”

“Up up we have to get back to the car, we’re going to freeze to death!” Jungkook shouted at her, grabbing her arm. They half-limped, half-ran back to the parking lot, tossing their putters in the return rack without stopping.

“We’re such idiots, we’re going to get sick and die,” Alex wailed as they stripped their wet coats off and shoved them in the backseat. Jungkook cranked the heat up. “Fuck, I hate my bangs!” she laughed, swiping at the hair plastered to her face, poking her in the eyes. “At least I wore my contacts.”

Jungkook’s hands replaced hers, pushing them back, followed by his cold lips against her forehead, her nose and then her mouth, all one smooth motion that completely overwhelmed her. Her fingers tightened on his shoulders in surprise as he grabbed her arms and pulled her closer, like the laughter and running and cheating had turned into raw energy that he now funneled into a hard, desperate kiss. The joy in that kiss made the world spin around her. The windows were fogging up and she felt that desperation again. Touch me, taste me, take me, do anything to me, let me be the girl you want.

“Alex.”

“Koo.”

His breath warmed her frozen nose and stung her frozen cheeks. 

“Was this the worst date ever?”

She glared. “No! It was good because it was with me, right?”

“We’re both going to get the flu.”

“Stop complaining and just kiss me again,” she ordered, pulling him across the console this time. He pressed her into the seat, contorted, mouth getting hotter against hers by the second. 

“God I can’t believe this was the best date of my life,” he completely contradicted himself.

The giggles burst out of her, “Damn. Really? That’s sad–”

He shoved icy fingers under her sweater to tickle and she screamed and kicked the dashboard in her attempts to flee. He just wrapped his arms around her and pressed his frozen nose into her neck, squeezing tighter.

“You asshole, let me go!”

“Never.”

“Jungkook!”

“You said you wanted outdoor minigolf, you suffer the consequences! I’m warming my nose up.”

“I’m so uncomfortably wet!”

“Yeah baby–”

“No, in a bad way!”

“Love leaving a girl wet in a bad way on our first date–” She couldn’t hear what else he said, drowned out by her laughter. Someone was going to think they were fucking in here with the way windows had fogged up so quickly and they were shaking the car. She pushed him away and adjusted the heat and wiped at the condensation on her window. Now it was uncomfortably hot, and also her clothing really felt disgusting like this. The fluffy sweater was scratchy and gross. She pulled it away from her skin but it just clung right back.

Jungkook shook his head.

“What?”

“I tried so hard to make this date nice,” he laughed.

“Oh my god you’re so hung up on this. I’m having a great time!”

But perfectionist Jungkook. She should have known he’d have some specific idea in mind! He struggled when things didn’t go the way he planned, if he wanted them a certain way. Usually he’d insist he didn’t care and overcompensate in his frustration, make too much of a joke about things in an effort to be cool that was always obvious and annoying. He hadn’t done that! But she knew frustration lingered with him and she didn’t want that to be what overshadowed their date!

“Seriously. Please don’t remember our first date as a failure. Ok, how about this, what if we decide this was just a trial run.”

“Uh huh.”

“Our next date is our first date,” she explained, twisting in the seat. It was gross, her tights and skirt squished. “We’ll just keep having first dates until you’re happy.”

“Wait, but I’m happy. Don’t make it sound like I’m not.”

“Uh, you aren’t though, you’re the only one in this car who’s unhappy.”

“I’m happy,” he insisted, eyebrows going up, lips pouting. “It’s just not as good as I wanted to do for you, but I’m happy. Why wouldn’t I be? I’m on a date with Alex Song!”

“Oh please…”

“I meant that seriously.”

“You said it like a joke.”

“I meant it seriously,” he insisted. “I want to impress you, you know? You’ve seen the worst of me for so long, I want you to see the best of me too. Like that I can take you on a really fun, nice date, not that I’m just some lazy, sex-obsessed asshole–.”

“I see the best of you all the time too, or I wouldn’t be on a date with you in the first place. I already know we can have a great time even when things go wrong. This date was genuinely great but even if it was actually awful, I’d still have fun with you, it’s one of the things I’ve always… liked about you.” Loved about you.

She didn’t say it.

She balked.

She didn’t know why she didn’t say it. She had expected the words to just roll right off her tongue. Because she did, she knew she loved him, and not too long ago she could have said it without any hesitation.

But it meant something more now, and the words tangled up behind her cold teeth.

She hurried to add, “I know that you can be both a really sweet, thoughtful guy and a lazy, sex-obsessed–”

“Ok ok,” he huffed, pouting he’d set her up for a zinger like that. He turned on the headlights and sighed. “I’d better get you home so you can put on your jammies. I’ll feel like an asshole if I really do get you sick right before Christmas.”

“I’m the one who insisted on minigolf.”

“Ok, it’s your fault then.”

“Jungkook!”

“Hey don’t hit me, I’m driving! That’s just what we need tonight, a car wreck!”

“Fine, you’re safe for now…”

She curled up in her seat and tried not to make it obvious she was staring at him. The streetlights flickering through the rain on the windshield cast spotted shadows on his wet face but she could tell his nose was still red and sniffly. 

He was cute. And sweet. It was endearing he’d been so serious and competitive about their date. She’d known him for so long but still she had learned something new about him tonight: he was not confident on a date. She had always known he had a gooey soft interior but he was so suave with women, she had assumed he would be all confidence and charm on a date. Instead he was a grumpy sulky baby when things weren’t going the way he planned. 

Her grumpy sulky baby. Just like she’d always wanted. Hot as shit on the outside, sulky baby on the inside.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked, glancing nervously her way at a red light.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“Nothing!”

He reached out and sank his fingers into her thigh like a claw.

“NO! Don’t tickle me, you’re driving!” she shrieked and tried to fend him off. Fortunately the light turned green, saving her. “Rude!”

“I just want to know what you're thinking. I’m on pins and needles here.”

She decided to tease him more. “Well… I’m thinking I’d like to see you again.”

“Oh? Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe at our joint family dinner on Christmas Eve?”

“Booo,” he scowled. “Before that. That’s not a date, that’s a duty.”

“You want another date before that?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, I’m a really good date, huh?” she grinned.

“Yeah, you’re cute.”

“I was joking!”

“I’m not.”

“Fine. How about I’ll plan the next date. When are you free, is it on the calendar?”

“Yeah, it’s on the calendar. Any time I’m not working is yours.”

She didn’t comment. She couldn’t comment on any of these things. Because this was just mundane, joky conversation, but the fact they casually making more plans together hit her like a bus. Part of her brain was like yeah, making plans with Jungkook, totally normal while the other part reminded you’re dating Jungkook. 

He pulled to a stop in front of her house and started to get out.

“No don’t walk me to the door, it’s still pouring.”

“Yeah, but–”

“No, seriously. My parents might be watching the door anyway.”

“Yeah but…”

“Hey,” she said. “Save it for the first date. I’ll walk you to your front door at the end of the night.”

“Oh you’re driving?”

“Yeah, babygirl, we are equals,” she grinned.

“Did you just… just ‘babygirl’ me?”

“Yesssss,” she started to laugh before his fingers even tried to wedge under her shirt again. He kissed her before she caught her breath; she laughed and squirmed and it made their lips slide, the messiest kiss. 

“K, get out of my car, I need to get home and shower before I get sick,” he said.

“Hold on, Jesus, I’m dizzy.”

“Huh?”

“You can’t just kiss a girl like that and then kick her out of your car, I’ll trip and die–”

“Ok, I’m walking you in.”

“No, stay put.”

“You said you’re dizzy!”

She squeezed his face so full of concern, and shook her head, “Goodnight. Thanks for the amazing date, I had a lot of fun despite your whining about it.”

“Hey!”

His shouted protests were swallowed quickly by the rain as she held her coat over her head and ran into her house. She was right that Baba had been watching the door and swung it open to let her in quickly.

“Alex, you’re wet! Did you get caught in the rain?”

“Thanks, Baba, goodnight!” Alex sang as she yanked her boots off, tossed her coat, and floated to her room. 

There in the privacy of her bedroom, she covered her face and let out a silent scream.

He tried so hard!

He cared so much!

He was so handsome!

He was so awkward about their date and god, she loved him for it. Didn’t he understand how perfect it was? It was exactly what she had hoped for. The effort. The attention. All for her. 

She looked forward to teasing him about it for forty years. 

Especially the photo he posted to his Snap and Insta story of him with a towel around his shoulders, shirt clinging to his body, hair damp and tousled, giving a thumbs-up with the caption yeah everything went wrong but I got a second date so… Followed by a text only post on insta lol she ain’t on here fam she deleted insta a while ago

So he wasn’t talking about their date on insta as some kind of game or lure or to signal to her that he wasn’t still trying to hook up with women? He did it just to… share? Brag? Signal to women on instagram he wasn’t looking? Was he just excited about his date and used to sharing things on social media and didn’t think through the impact on his free sex life because that wasn’t a priority to him?

“Grrrr why are you so fucking cute,” she grumbled. “I’m supposed to be the cute one. Stay in your hot lane. ”

She DMed him a kissy face emoji in response to the story to give him a heart attack and went to shower. And afterwards had a good laugh when the stories and the pre-date photo were gone.

[AlandPals]: 😘

[TheJK.97]: 😎

[AlandPals]: take off the sunglasses

[TheJK.97]:  😵🪦

[TheJK.97]:  so uh when did you dl insta?

[AlandPals]: night bunny

[TheJK.97]:  that is NOT my petname

[TheJK.97]:  night earwig

[AlandPals]: night weevil

[TheJK.97]:  night shrimp cocktail

[AlandPals]: night nutter butter

[TheJK.97]:  night cheeto finger

[AlandPals]: night kookie crisp

[TheJK.97]:  night booberry

[TheJK.97]:  night pistachio

[TheJK.97]: night titmouse (that’s a bird look it up)

[TheJK.97]: did you fall asleep on me??

[TheJK.97]: I win 😁

Alex let him have this one. He’d earned it.

KEEP READING PARTY B

[penissirius]

Seo Changbin VS Feelings

Seo Changbin x male reader

SUMMARY: Changbin isn't the best at feelings and emotions. Misunderstandings happen because he's stupid lol.

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 3 aussies and a devil bunny fight dwaeki over golden retriever child

SPECIAL THANKS TO: @ldrei Thank you for encouraging me to finish this! This is dedicated to you!💕

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: AJ is my OC and he's used as the M/n of this story! Miyeon is my partners OC, she is AJ's sister, and is dating Felix. I actually have 2 full stories one a AO3 chapter story and the other a non-idol social media AU that ill post here. If you'd be interested, please let me know so i know at least someone is looking forward to those stories T-T

AUTHORS NOTE: So, I wrote the beginning of this for my English essay and it was the only essay I've gotten an 100% and a good comment on so I went to Tumblr and my partner asking if I should finish it and publish it because I liked it and my teacher loved it (her Not knowing it was a Stray kids fanfic I wrote just for the essay lol) after some convincing I finished it and now here it is. I would like to apologize because this was finished in December, and I promised I would post it after it was done and never did. I hit a really big depression block in my life, and I didn't want to do anything but now I'm back! Just a heads up I wrote this for my Victorian Drama Essay so don't hope too hard for a so happy ending lol. Have fun reading!

WARNINGS: Arguing, Angstish Ig, Insecure thoughts, breakdowns, panic attacks, yelling, violence, bAd WoRdS

FEMALE ALIGNED PLEASE DNI <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AJ was on his way to the JYP Entertainment building to meet up with his boyfriend? Close friend? Friend with romantic benefits? AJ didn’t know but Changbin had said he had something seriously important to talk to him about, AJ had hoped this was when Changbin would finally ask him out for real. Oh, boy was it the opposite of that. AJ texted his best friend and sister, Miyeon, that he was on his way to JYPE and that if she needed a ride home then he could give her one. When he was done texting her he speeded off eager to see the man he loves, he also had serious but good information to share with him. 

    Meanwhile, at JYPE, Changbin is pacing back and forth in his studio panicking and talking to the one person he could for love help, Hyunjin, which honestly wasn’t that good of an idea but he was better than the rest of their friends. “God Hyunjin do something! Give me advice or something idiot!” Changbin says finally standing in one spot facing his group member while tugging on his own hair. Hyunjin stood pushing Changbin into the seat behind him, “First of all sit-down and get your hands out of your hair. You’re stressing yourself out and the stylist will be pissed if you pull any of your hair out.” Changbin took a deep breath and put his hands on his lap. “Now I can’t really help you seeing as this is your own very stupid plan. Everyone in the group is dating someone in some way or another. Why are you purposely putting yourself through this? Even Chan has someone. Chan has more game than you!”

    Changbin sat in silence for a few seconds before looking at his tall dramatic member. “I don’t want to take any chances, what if it’s not what he expects and leaves me? What if we date and get found out? He’s not an idol. He’d get way more hate and things like that! I couldn’t do that to him.” Hyunjin just shakes his head. “So instead of letting him make that decision, you decided to break his heart and make the decision for him? Well-”, Hyunjin started walking to the door, “You do that but don’t expect me to help protect you when the three Aussies and Lee know find out what you did. Even tho I think your stupid for giving up a guy who does so much, some that you don't even know, for you. I kinda understand why you're doing it. You better not hurt him, he’s the sweetest when it comes to his friends. So don’t make it worse than it has to be.” That's all Hyunjin said before walking out. 

    The shorter man is left sitting in an empty studio by himself, left with thoughts, “Dammit! I didn’t even think about the AJ protection Squad™️ that would be after me! If AJ doesn’t kill me himself they sure will.” Just then his inner voice said ‘Remember you used to be one of them, but now you’re about to shatter his heart just because fans and other companies believe it's wrong for you to date.’ Changbin shakes his head arguing back, “It’s more than that. Us being together could damage the careers we both worked so hard for! If people were to find out he’d get non-stop hate! I’m just protecting him!” He would definitely sound crazy if anyone else was around to hear him argue with his self-consciousness. He shut up quickly when he heard his phone ding with a message from AJ saying he was on his way up to the studio. 

    When AJ got inside the studio he hugged the shorter man happily before sitting in the armchair that Hyunjin was previously sitting in, looking towards Changbin with a bright smile. “Hi, Hi Baby Binnie!” Changbin swore that AJ’s beautiful smile would be the death of him one day. Changbin gave a nervous smile back, “Hey AJ” “So what serious thing did you want to talk to me about?”AJ tilted his head confused, still smiling. The idol was starting to panic not knowing how to talk about it without hurting AJ’s feelings. “Didn't you say you had good news? You should go first!” AJ laughed, smiling less than before, “Well whatever you wanted to talk about seems to be making you stressed and upset so maybe you should go first and I'll tell you the good news when you're feeling better!” Changbin sighed, AJ was right it's better to rip the bandaid off now rather than give himself more time to think it over and panic. 

    “Alright, please promise that you won't take this personally and you won't get mad at me.” That brought a small nervous giggle from AJ, “I've never gotten mad at you before, I'm sure it's not that bad!” Changbin took a deep breath and finally said, “I don't think we can be a thing anymore- we should just stay friends…” It was silent for a minute before Changbin looked up at AJ and saw that he no longer had a smile on his face. AJ paused, it was like his whole world stopped when he heard Changbin say those words. Changbin had never seen AJ speechless or that upset in the year that he's known him. AJ sat paused and baffled, Changbin didn't want to be with him anymore let alone be officially together. “AJ?-” Changbin was cut off when the taller one turned to him blank-faced and asked, “Why?” The idol was confused and because of all the panic earlier his brain was no longer working. 

    “Why what?” Changbin asked stupidly. AJ scoffed, still looking at him with the same blank face that Changbin had never seen before, likely none of his friends other than his sister had seen him with a blank emotionless face, that just wasn't him. “Why all of a sudden do you not want to be with me? How long have you been waiting to tell me? You let me believe this whole time that you actually liked me and there was a possibility that we could be together. So WHY is my question?” Changbin took a moment to gather his thoughts before replying. “Us being together would be a risk. It’s not that I don't like you, because I do! It's just that our careers could be ruined if anyone were to find out. I know that being an artist and dancer is very important to you. I don't wanna be the reason that all falls plus if I get any scandals I might damage everyone in Stray Kids' careers as well.” 

AJ stood angry but still pretty much blank. “Alright, guess it’s my fault for thinking that you were different and didn't care about what everyone else thought. I'm sorry for thinking that maybe we would be able to be together and happy like my sister and Felix. And more importantly, I'm sorry that I went through all this trouble for you. I stepped out of my comfort zone and went through so many panic attacks for you. Turns out it’s not enough. Guess I'll see you around Changbin.” AJ slammed a piece of paper down on the desk in front of Changbin before storming out to go find his sister and then go home. Changbin, saddened and confused, tried to call after AJ but he was already gone down the hall and into a different part of the building. Changbin got up and looked at the paper that AJ left, it was crumbed and there was a corner torn off at the bottom. It was a printed-out picture from JYPs staff to AJ saying that he passed all the auditions and was officially a JYP trainee. Changbin stared at the paper in shock, feeling more like an asshole than he originally did.

AJ walked from Changbin’s studio downstairs to the practice room that he knew his sister and Felix would be in and slammed the door open, way harder than he meant to, and looked at his sister. “Oh, hey AJ- What's wrong? Who did it? WHO hurt you? Whose ass do I have to beat?” Miyeon immediately noticed the difference in her brother's face despite his trying to act like his normal self. “Nothings wrong, I'm just ready to go home.” AJ said, walking over to them. “Nope, something is clearly wrong, sit. Sit your ass down. Family Circle.” Miyeon said, looking up at him from where she and Felix were sitting on the ground. “Since when did we still do Family Circle? And how is it Family Circle if it’s just me, you, and Felix?” AJ said, sitting in the half circle they formed. “Shut up now tell me who hurt you, imma beat their ass!” Miyeon said. “We beating ass? Should I call Chan?” Felix said, pulling out his phone. 

“There is no reason to call Chan. Don’t call him, I said I was okay!” AJ said trying to reason with the two Aussies but trying to do that is like talking to a wall. “Call him!” “I’m calling him!” Miyeon and Felix said after staring at AJ for a sec. AJ groaned defeated, leaning back on the floor still sitting with his legs crossed. After a couple of rings, Chan picked up the call. He put the call on speakerphone.  “Felix? What’s up dude, I thought you and Miyeon were practicing, what’s up?” “You need to come to the Micheal Jackson dance room!” Miyeon said over the owner of the phone's shoulder. “Why did something go wrong?” Chan said and you can hear shuffling on his side of the phone he gets up grabbing some stuff. “Nothings wrong Hyung, they're just being dramatic!” AJ yelled from his spot laying on the floor. “Someone hurt AJ. We’re trying to find out who so we can beat their ass.” Felix said into his phone. 

“Really? Why didn’t you start with that! I’m on my fucking way. Should I get Lee Know? I’m gonna get Lee Know.” You hear Chan set his phone on his desk and open his door screaming down the hallway in the dorms. “MINHO! LET'S GO WE GOT A CODE GAY DOWN!” AJ turns to them shocked “You guys have codes for this shit?” Felix looked back at him, “Yes. We are the AJ Protection Squad and we take our job very seriously.” They heard stomping before they could hear Minho’s voice clearly. “A code gay down? Whose ass am I beating? Where’s my child?” “At the Company let’s go.” You hear them both shuffle around before Chan turns to his phone. “We’ll be there in 5.” Chan says before hanging up. “The dorms are 15 minutes away!” AJ said, still confused about everything going on. “As Felix said we in the AJPS take our job very seriously.” Miyeon said looking at her brother, still bothered by the fact that someone made him upset. 

AJ decided to no longer ask questions and stared at the ceiling sadly still thinking back to what Changbin had said. Miyeon and Felix just looked at each other and at him knowing that something was wrong and they were determined to get to the bottom of it. In 5 minutes exactly there comes a worried and already angry Chan and Lee Know burst through the door. ‘If they are already pissed before knowing what happened, how will they be after?’ AJ thought, still staring at the ceiling, not moving. Lee Know and Chan move to join the makeshift ‘Family Circle’ before they all turn to AJ. “Alright now what’s wrong and who did it? And no bullshit answers AJ or I swear to god.” Lee Know says. They all looked more calm and worried rather than angry so AJ just decided to tell them, also because they probably would never leave him alone until he told them and it would feel better to talk to them about it. 

AJ took a deep breath before sitting up and looking at all of them suddenly feeling shy when he realized that they were all staring at him. “Well, this morning Changbin texted me saying that he wanted to talk and that it was something serious so we agreed to meet at the studio. And I don’t know why but a small part of me was hoping that this was when he’d finally ask me out or something, after all the mixed signals he was giving about whether we were in a relationship or not. But I should’ve known that wouldn’t have happened.” AJ looked down at his lap holding back tears, now that he was saying it all out loud the sadness and rejection is hitting him in waves. “I was gonna tell him the good news after he said what he needed to say but when he said what he did I was no longer in a happy mood. It felt like my whole world shattered-” By the time he got that out he had already started crying letting the tears fall into his lap. 

“He had said that he doesn’t think we should be a thing anymore and that we should just stay friends. And that hurt! It hurt so much but I still hadn’t processed how much it hurt until now, all I felt was anger. All I could think of was to ask why. Why did he let me believe that there could ever be something between us? Why did he let me get my hopes up just to crush them? Why had I been stupid enough to believe that he would like me back and wanna be with me? And he spouted some bullshit answer about how he actually did like me but us dating was a risk and that because I wasn’t an idol if our relationship was found I’d get so much more hate and shit. That it could ruin the careers we both worked so hard for. That he didn’t wanna be the reason I couldn’t be an artist or dancer anymore. And that if he got any dating scandals he could possibly ruin Stray Kids' career as well.” 

At this point, AJ was ugly sobbing and barely getting his sentences out correctly. Lee Know moved until he was directly behind AJ pulling the younger into his lap and wrapping his arms around him, setting his chin on the crying boy's shoulder. Felix and Chan moved to each side of him, Felix grabbing one of AJ’s hands and Chan setting his arm on his thigh. Miyeon moved to sit in front of her brother holding his other hand. The only thing on all four of their minds was comforting their youngest yet tallest friend and beating the shit out of Changbin later. AJ, although a pain in their ass some days, was their baby, the maknae of the friend group, and the only one who could get Minho to be this soft and cuddly by will. Not even Jisung had that pleasure. Hell even I.N. loved the younger and gave him affection. He was always happy and had something stupid or sassy to say, always there to make them smile on their worst days, and to see him crying aggressively over something one their friends did really pissed them off. 

AJ took some shuddery breaths trying to calm down to no avail before speaking again. “All I could think of in the back of my head was that I wasn’t good enough. That I’m still not good enough. That he was just trying to protect my feelings by not telling me that he didn’t like me that way. I'm not an idol so I’m not good enough. That I was stupid to think that just because all my friends got their happy ever after that I could get mine! I’ve tried so hard! I did so many things and it still wasn’t good enough! The amount of panic I’ve gone through during this whole audition process, the way I’ve unhealthily thrown myself into school and practice so I could get a better shot of getting accepted. The stupid strict diet I let that staff member put me on cause they thought it would make me look better. Because I wanted to be better! For him! I wanted to look better, dance better, rap better, be better. All for him. Just to find out my efforts were for nothing. That I’ll never be good enough!” 

At this point, AJ was working himself into a panic attack and Felix and Miyeon were thankful they grabbed his hands earlier because they know how bad his attacks can be on himself. They were all shocked none of them knew about the things he said. Miyeon knew about the school and practice thing and would try to pull him away whenever she could but that’s because she was used to him being a workaholic and thought that it was because of the constant auditions, not Changbin. Felix knew about the panic attacks because he’s helped him calm down from a few but none of them knew about the diet. He already has a bad relationship with food so the diet might have made it worse. AJ started falling deeper into panic and Lee Know pulled him closer whispering calming words in the boy he saw as his little brother's ear. They all huddled closer hugging the younger, letting him cry, and doing little things they knew calmed him down. 

Eventually, AJ calmed down and his cries turned into small hiccups and tears. He was so thankful they made him talk about this rather than him bottling it up and telling no one until he exploded and had a much worse breakdown. When AJ finally felt calm enough he lifted his head and everyone pulled away. Although he was squeezing Felix and Miyeon’s hands, leaning onto Chan’s shoulder, and refusing to get out of Lee Know’s lap, he was a lot calmer than before. He was very tired from so many emotions and crying. He was half asleep in Lee Know’s lap and leaning on Chan still. There was a long moment of silence before Miyeon spoke up. “You know I’m gonna beat his ass right?” The other 3 hummed in agreement. “Please don’t do that. I know I can’t stop you from talking to him but don’t do anything irrational. That’ll just make it worse.” AJ said in his broken sore and half-sleepy voice. “Can’t make any promises little Bro” Miyeon said, already standing up. 

“Just don’t do anything to have to go to jail, I don’t have bail money” AJ said before falling asleep fully. Miyeon leaned down and kissed her brother's forehead whispering, “later we will talk about that diet stuff.” She stood and turned to the other boys “Alright I have a Pig to slaughter and it won’t be the first time. Who’s coming with?” Lee know whipped his head to her, “you’ve done what?” “You heard me” was all she replied. “We all want to come but I don’t think it’s right to leave AJ alone so 2 of us should stay and the other 2 go.” Chan said, looking at AJ sleeping on his shoulder. “Alright, we’ll who’s coming with me?” Miyeon said. “I’ll stay with AJ, I will take him back to the dorms so he can rest and make sure he doesn’t try to do any work when he wakes. I also don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from fighting Changbin.” Chan said. Minho looked at the sleeping curly-haired boy and up at Miyeon. “I’ll go.” Lee Know reluctantly handed over the sleeping boy, putting him in Chan’s lap. “I’ll go to the dorm with Chris and make AJ’s favorite food and dessert.” Felix said from his spot on the ground. Chan handed Lee Know the car keys since they rode together and he and Miyeon would need to get back to the dorms. 

“We’ll drive AJ’s car to the dorm since I’m the only one other than Miyeon he lets drive it. And He was Felix and Miyeon’s ride home anyways.” They all nodded before Miyeon and Lee Know left the room storming up to the studios. Felix gathered his and AJs stuff while Chan picked AJ himself up. When they had everything they walked down to the parking lot and looked for AJs car. It wasn’t that hard to find with the obnoxious bright light blue color of it. Felix sat both of their bags on the floor in the backseat and got in on the right side. Chan set AJ on the left so he was leaning on Felix while sleeping. Chan got in the driver's side and started the car checking on the two younger ones in the back before driving off towards the Stray Kids dorm. 

Back at the company, Changbin is panicking. He feels so many emotions at once, he feels like an asshole, he’s upset about having to break AJs heart like that and overall he’s scared. He’s terrified because he knows that it’s only a matter of time before Miyeon or someone else shows up to beat his ass. He paces back and forth like earlier when Hyunjin was with him. “Fuck man what am I gonna do? I mean if I leave now there’s a possibility I can start running before they catch me- but where would I go? If I run, they're gonna be expecting me at the dorms and attack me then! I’m better off just staying here-“ As he finished saying that there were loud stomps and banging on the studio door, Changbin was glad he locked the door earlier. “COME OUT CHANGBIN YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!” While Miyeon was shouting at him through the door, Lee Know looked through the keys Chan gave him and was happy to find a key to the studio amongst them. 

He pushed Miyeon slightly over and proceeded to unlock the door. Changbin visually panicked now, it was all happening so fast! He quickly ran to the other side of the couch and sat between it and the wall, knowing damn well his muscled ass was not gonna be able to hide fully back there. The two angry friends stormed in and Lee Know walked over to Changbin not knowing whether to laugh that he thought would work or just stare at him before he grabbed him by his arm and pulled him up to face Miyeon. The rapper looked at the angry sister in fear, the two scariest members of their friend group were currently mad and it was directed at him. Changbin should’ve said bye to his family when he had the chance. He opened his mouth to say something that would spare his life but before he could Miyeon delivered a hefty right hook to his face. ‘Damn that hurt like shit’ Changbin thought, grabbing his cheek. For a 5 foot girl, she sure does pack a punch but that’s to be expected from her seeing as she and AJ got into fights in high school. 

Lee Know gawked at how hard she hit him, not that he didn’t deserve it but goddamn he could feel that punch and he was behind Changbin still holding his arm. “You have exactly 5 minutes to explain why you did and said what you did to my brother and if it’s not a good reason I’m gonna punch you again!” Changbin quickly replied with pretty much the same thing he told AJ and Hyunjin, he was honestly terrified and looked everywhere but at her. When he was done Miyeon took a deep breath before punching him again in the face. Poor Changbin is gonna end up with bruises on his cheek and eye. “It’s a good thing we’re on a break right now. If we weren’t idols I’d leave more bruises than she did.” Lee know said smacking Changbin hard on the back of his head. 

“Listen I don’t care if you thought you did what was best or anything. You broke my brother. I’ve never seen him cry so hard he sent himself into a panic attack over someone. He loved you. He did everything for you. Originally I was supposed to be the only one auditioning and when I tried to talk him into it I stopped because I knew it would be too much pressure for him. But he did, why? Because he wanted to be closer to you.” Miyeon was raising her voice as she talked, her accent getting stronger, and the fact that the studio is soundproof definitely helped. “Do you know what I found out in the last hour? No? Then let me enlighten you. My brother worked himself into the ground with school, dance, and practice for you. He thinks that he’s not good enough. He let one of the staff members put him on some stupidly strict diet because she said it would help him look better! Why? Because he wanted to look better for you!”

Miyeon looked at him disgusted, “I trusted you with my brother's feelings and you broke him more than anyone had in the past. If you like him so goddamn much why didn’t you just date him! Instead, you lead him on. You’ve been all lovey with him, cuddling with him, taking him on dates just to outright turn him down and make him feel like he’s not good enough for you! Felix and I are dating and there’s no problem! Hell half of JYPE is in a relationship! Why are you the only one who is thinking so hard about your career and not the man right in front of you who would and has done literally anything for you! AJ is perfect and if you can’t see that then I don’t know what the hell to tell you. If this is how you're gonna treat anyone who has any interest in you your whole life. Then have fun being single and friendless because clearly, your career is more important.” 

Lee Know moved to stand next to Miyeon, rubbing her shoulder before saying, “We’re giving you one shot to make this better. If you fuck up even more so help me god Seo Changbin, Miyeon and I will not be the thing you need to be afraid of. You’ll have his parents and Chan after you at that point. You better make this up, but at this point, I’d be surprised if he even talks to you again let alone still loves you. If I were him I sure as hell wouldn’t.” Changbin looked at the ground in shock, sadness, and pain because damn those punches hurt. “I will make it better, I really do love him and I hadn’t realized how much pain I’ve put him through. Or how I was only really thinking about myself and my feelings and not his.” Changbin said, nodding. “Good, you have a week, and if he decides he never wants to speak to you again or doesn’t want to be with you. You can’t get mad because you fucked that up for yourself.” Lee Know said, looking at him. 

“I know and I take full responsibility. I definitely deserved the punches because I was stupid. And I wouldn’t blame him if he no longer wanted to be with me” Changbin looked up at them. “Not just stupid. You were a dumbass and full-on idiot. Now I’m gonna go back to the dorms and check on my brother. You are not allowed to even look at him until you’ve decided how you’re gonna fix your huge fuck up. Do you understand me?” Miyeon glared at the short rapper. “Yes ma’am” Changbin nodded firmly. “Good now sit and think about your mistakes” was all Miyeon said before storming out of the room to the car. “You really did fuck up and it’s hard to understand whatever stupid logic you thought you had but hopefully you make this right because he seems happiest when he’s with you and that’s all we want for him” Lee Know said looking towards the chair Changbin sat in. “MINHO!” Miyeon yelled down the hall. “That’s my cue to go. Don’t fuck up Seo Changbin” He said before he left the room. And so there Changbin sat left with his thoughts of how much of an idiot he is and how he’s going to fix it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really hope you like it! If you did leave likes and comments! reblogs help as well! If you wanna read more of my shitty works you can follow me on AO3 @/penissirius ! If you’d like to see more of AJ and Miyeon and their Interesting Adventures in life in Korea and Becoming JYP trainees well you’re just in luck because the whole story of them is being written and made. Tho I will not post it until I have the whole thing finished which will be a while but I have a few chapters now! So be on the lookout for that! I will be posting a Social Media AU that is completely unrelated to that story so let me know if you wanna be on the tag list for it! Byeeeeee~

[echobx]

saw this ask game and decided to answer all so you guys can get to know me better

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

it depends. I usually have my multi-chapterdd fics already done before posting them, so in my head they are stored as one shots. I know, weird. anyway...

I think oneshots are easier for me bc it's all fix and I don't get the urge to want to go back and change things. but I'm trying out the chaptered way with Timeloop and I can fix him (no really I can) and we'll see how I like it... but I'm only doing it like that bc idk how long they'll be and I wanted to post something and not wait months for them to be done before I post it all.

so maybe one-shots when it comes to [tumblr]

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

I usually write as I go. I have a few points that I have to get to but I let it flow, let the characters choose their path to make it feel more natural when things go down.

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I usually have something in my head that needs to happen and then I sit down when I feel like I'll be able to write it and just try.

I don't always look for playlists but sometimes it helps to listen to my sex playlist for smut or my falling in love playlist for slowburns or something.

I mostly just let inspiration hit me ig, idk how to explain it 😭

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

songs, tv shows, movies, other written work (books or stuff I read on here) my dreams... anything really. a lot of times it's just daydreaming.

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

yes, I love it, I get way too little of it.

as long as you are being respectful please tell me off lol, especially when it comes to grammar and sentence structures bc I'm not native in English and I'll be happy to learn and change things when you tell ne that something is wrong.

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I tried beta-ing one of my fics with my friends, but life gets in the way and they didn't have much time to read and give me feedback, so I decided to not do it for whole fics anymore and just sporadically

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

ig that fully depends on how the scene feels to me. I once got halfway in a chapter and had to rewrite the whole thing bc I realized it didn't make much sense to tell it from that pov and not the other. and now it feels so much more natural than before. but that is just as much trial and error at times as everything else.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

i don't really have a preference there. for some fics I can very clearly see the middle, but not the end or beginning, for others I see the start and end but not the in between and it gets a bit messy on the way. but all in all I'd say I'm just happy to be allowed to be there as these stories play in my head and that I get to write them down is even better.

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

yes, usually on ao3 on tumblr if I like it enough I'll reblog it, if I love it I reblog with comments or tags, that depends on my daily mood tho.

10. Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

“What?” I cleared my throat and blinked a few times to get my mind cleared up.

aaaaah I love the scene this is from, also had to used blinked cause I usually write in past tense unless it's tumblr...

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Safety Net by @mvybanks

The Blue by @quin-ns

Watch and Learn by @nadvs

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

a good feedback makes my day, literally

not getting any or getting barely any likes and no reblogs on my work, especially when it's something I've worked hard on, it's devastating really. I wish there was more appreciation for it, but I can't do much about it either.

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

writer's block isn't really an issue to me anymore. when I have time to write but my mind blocks I'll just start writing anything and when it's shit I put it to the side and write something else or if I'm working on a chapter and it won't flow I go into a new document and try and write the chapter again from scratch and see how it goes. always in a new doc tho when I do that so I don't use anything I've written.

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

okay, I write them, especially sad ones, when I myself am already sad af so I can exactly describe the bodily bs that happens to me when I'm sad

I do feel how they feel, especially when I later go to edit it, and then I have to take a break bc I'll start crying again lol

I mostly draw from personal experience when it gets to emotions, especially sad ones, bc it's just easier ig. it's waaay easier for me to write angst and hurt/comfort than anything else bc most of my life has been filled with those rather than fluff or even smut (idk how I write that, bc there's no experience there...)

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I try my best to keep it visually accurate, like, so you can try and imagine it bc I hate when I read something and go "wait, how did they end up here?" yk? and I think it should have some sort of realism to it. but I can't really be 100% accurate bc I only know my own body and whatever I've seen online. I don't trust porn obvs bc it's not really reliable when it comes to normal sizes and shit (iykwim) but it does help with figuring out some of the positions. that's literally the only reason I look at it too, for research purposes 💀

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

2 that are being posted (timeloop and icfhnric)

15 that are just ideas (listen, my head never stands still)

1 that is like my heart child, and I'm scared to let it go but I will eventually

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

a complete lack of inspiration hasn't really happened to me yet, and I'm scared of the day it will. what I do have issues with is the type of writers block where I wanna write but my head feels too overwhelmed or too tired to process any thoughts so I'll see the fic in my head but my brain won't let me form sentences to put it on the screen. I've yet to figure out how to deal with that.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

song inspired ones are always named after the song, so that's easy

anything else is either a good line that I discovered while writing or a quick quip that I came up with, most times during the end of it.

I still don't have proper titles for my Lovebirds fic, I have one for the second installment of it, but the other three are still only under their working title and I don't know if I'll even give the first one a title or if it'll just be "Before Lovebirds" which is bs and I hate it but idk what else to name it... (although that part has been done for months now)

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

smut... lol I haven't used any funny tags yet

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I use "just" way too much. and I keep starting sentences with And a lot. and I feel like once I find a bew word I'll keep using it until my brain grows bored of it.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

definitely, if they wanted to.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don't think I'm a dark romance girlie. I'm never gonna write mlm smut, because I just don't think it's my place to do that.

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

use placeholders for words you can't pinpoint, I usually go like this [walking slowly, dragging feet] and then I look up a synonym

when you get an idea, put it down, you'll think you're gonna remember later but you won't

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

to put chapter contents down in a pointed list instead of writing it out immediately

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

the It's... complicated one bc I worked hard on it and it's probably my best work yet imo

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

my three part series the one with the abortion, notes and letter

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

most favorite: describing angsty feelings

least: chit-chat bc I'm bad at it irl and idk how to write it to seem natural 😭

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

idk, some days I write so much and others I don't at all, so maybe 500-800 days on average daily

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

first I do grammar checks, then I reread and see if the words are correct. most times I do the big parts of editing while writing bc I noticed that that's easier for me

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

I usually wait until it's polished, unless it's something I would have deleted from a bigger fic and don't want it to go to waste.

31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

plot, always.

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

from the top of my head: @princessmaybank @redhead1180 @mvybanks

33. Do you want to be published some day?

yes. but not my fanfic. I'd rather write something by myself and then get it published than go and write fanfic and change it later on to be able to publish it.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

finishing my first novel and maybe finding a publisher for it

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

that they don't need to be redeemable, I'd much rather keep some villains for true evil and not because they had a bad childhood or whatever

36. How do you write kissing scenes?

I try to write about how it affects the person who's pov it is, their emotions and physical sensations. I don't like dragging it out too much tho unless it's a big moment, like a first kiss.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I tend to do cliffhangers quite a lot bc I'm just prone to that bc of my love of television. but usually I end on a moment that feels like a natural stop while writing or sometimes I write without chapters in mind and when I add them later I make stops in between where it feels like the reading flow could stop and be picked up, but then I make sure that the chapters aren't too short or too long still

38. Would you ever write commissions?

oh definitely, I already take prompts and idk if it counts but I did write two private commissions for a friend in return for some art of my favorite character a scribble of my oc

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

“I don't want you to feel any pressure to do anything,” he brushed a few hair from my face and I nodded. “You're my dream girl, [redacted].” He pulled me closer into him, nuzzling his head into my neck and breathing lower. “My pretty girl.” I placed a kiss on his head and listened to his shallow breaths as I fell asleep. “Love you too,” I whispered while drifting off and hoping that he hadn't actually heard me.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I have a very specific scene in my head, but it not in the fic, it's only mentioned as a picture that they took and have set as their background picture. so to see that come to life would be incredible.

but I don't really have a preference other than that, when I write I see it all play out in my head like a movie scene so literally any moment can work as long as I described it well enough. and if needed I would go and give a lengthy description of every single detail if someone wabted me to

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I reread a lot! it's part of how I try and get better at my work (apart from reading published books)

I especially reread a lot of my lovebirds fic so I can get back into writing when I haven't had worked on it in a while

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

The Charter by @blueicequeen19 and I'd tell the whole world to read it because it's just that good

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

I whump too much tbh. like, especially my OC has had so much pain already in her life, but I feel like a few set backs are normal and it wouldn't feel natural to me if everything was just happy and perfect akl the time. to me these characters are people and people are messy by default.

I'm still very protective of them tho, and I wouldn't let any body go and fuck them other unless it has a purpose of some kind, either for the bad guy or them.

44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

I keep writing my when I mean me and vice versa, that's just a typing issue tho. I forgot prepositions and "the"s a lot. idk how to do comma shit. and I keep catching myself writing bearly instead of barely. bc they sound the same and I'm also dyslexic 😔

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

both if I can. but a part of me wants to know that I'm capable of making someone cry their eyes out. that feels pretty powerful to me bc I don't really cry too much when I read or watch something myself.

46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

emotions primarily ig, then characters. ig those two are very neatly intertwined bc most of the decisions they make are based on emotions or on the fact that they try to not let their emotions control them.

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

at least two times. even when I say it's not edited, I at least read it twice to get most mistakes out.

48. What do you look for in a beta?

that they are native English speaker probably, but I don't really do betas at the moment

49. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I've never gotten one and if I would I'd probably just block the person and try to forget about it.

50. How long is your longest fic?

not posted and still working on it: around 500k

posted one shot: 19k

posted series: 16k

51. What’s your total AO3 word count?

38.4k on ao3 / 100k+ on tumblr

52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I respond to most comments but I always feel a bit awkward bc I never know what to say

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

primarily I write, I'd say 65/35 writing to reading ratio of the time I use on fanfic

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

being able to put the vision that I have in my head on screen, being allowed to use as much or as little details as I wish to. but most of all the fact that I know more about the whole narrative than the characters in it, the fact that I know when they are being unreliable or are lying to themselves or just don't know better.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

I'm definitely a JJ girlie, I'll always be even tho I noticed that people are more into Rafe...

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

a friend of mine keeps asking how the fuck I write so much and I honestly don't know. I just do. and I personally always feel like anything below 2k is not enough but I don't try to drag things out too much just to get more words in. so maybe that's it.

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

while writing for sure because it just makes the whole process faster than if I did it the other way round. but it took some time for me to get to the point where my in-writing editing makes the post-writing editing almost obsolete

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

writing for the most part. but I also love researching stuff.

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

only my friends. I wouldn't tell my parents and I'm glad they don't understand English bc if they did and found this blog I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house forever or they'd kick me out. which is ridiculous bc I'm an adult :'(

60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

yeah and it was the best feeling ever. makes me happy just thinking about it.

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

simply because I love writing and I choose to write for myself, not for anyone else. that's also why some prompts stay in my inbox for longer, because I need to find the right moment where I am content with writing it in a way that makes me feel happy about what I created.

62. Thoughts on cliffhangers?

love love love. can't get enough of them. use them all the time.

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

personally, I have mommy and daddy issues, so seeing it being sexualized is always weird to me. but I try to look past it and even when I write it bc it fits the character, it's still weird to me. but I would never tell anyone to not write it. I know a lot of ppl enjoy it a lot. it's just not my personal piece of cake.

another thing, which is just formatting ig, is when there's no warnings list. I think it's important to put at least a warnings list, especially for smut.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

aftercare. always. Even if it's just a quick scene of them lying in bed or something and just being soft with each other or talking about random things to cool down. I think it's really important.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

right now I'm looking extremely heavily towards kinktober and starting on those projects and then seeing people read them in October.

I'm also super hyped over my oc lore bc I recently had a big breakthrough with the help of a friend, and now everything I had before makes so much more sense. it feels like I had always had known but the information was hidden and now I have it and I can see a crystal clear picture of her life and the life of her parents and grandparents and basically the whole family past and possible future.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

I hate it. I'm trying to not let it get to me, I can only write when my brain let's me. But I do know that no matter how long it takes I will finish started projects.

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

I don't mind either. I love when it's a prompt or challenge that gives me creative freedom. like just a sentence or a single word prompt with a character is top notch bc I can go crazy on it all I want.

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I listen to music mostly, sometimes tiktoks inspire me too. It's really anything that can give me inspiration.

69. What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

the ghostface one. I don't even know why I posted it, but I'm not gonna delete it bc I think it's important for ppl to see the progress you made over time.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

depends on the person. if it's my friends who I hold near and dear I'm not really embarrassed at all. I sometimes talk too much about writing and think I annoy them with it, but they always say it's okay so I guess I should believe them.

I think it's needs some type of connection and mutual respect for me to even be able to talk about it, so I wouldn't really talk to someone who I think would nake me feel embarrassed.

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I only put down dates, the rest is more or less stored in my brain. unless I write lore down somewhere for someone to read and give me feedback. then I take that and put it in a separate lore doc but I wouldn't really need to bc, like I said, mostly my brain will remember lore

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

when I started writing I did chronological, then I started to jump in between but that caused a lot of fuck ups and I couldn't remember what happened where, so I decided to rewrite my whole fic chronologically before posting it.

for prompts or just stuff that I post on here I always do linear/chronological if the narrative let's me

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I don't really know. I guess I use a few phrases and words more than others would, and sometimes my sentences sound very german bc that's my native tongue. but those don't show up to me as mistakes when editing bc to my brain the sentences structure makes sense. that's probably all, but I don't really know.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

maybe if they are familiar with my writing style, with the way I use certain words only in certain situations. or how I nickname some of the characters.

[melis-writes]

Fanfic Disclaimer: If you don't like it, please don't read it.

After writing and working fanfics continuously now on a daily basis for almost two years now, unfortunately it seems like making this post now is sadly unavoidable. 🫤 I feel the need to finally mention the disclaimer I'm putting on all my fics/work now due to a constant pattern of anon hate, insults, de*th threats and unwanted "constructive" criticism on my work.

I can't stress enough: if you don't like a fanfic for any reason whatsoever, you don't have to read it! You really don't. Nobody's making you read anything you don't want to and you're not a bad guy if you put it down the first paragraph in or five chapters in. Another thing you don't need to do at all whatsoever is send hate comments/asks, or tell fic authors they're writing is shit and their fic is too. Unwarranted, rude and hateful comments only make you look like the awful person, not someone with a "different opinion". 😕

This exact kind of disgusting behavior is a huge cause of why many fanfic authors delete all of their works, stop posting, and stop writing. I ignored it for some time myself but seeing that it's clearly going to continue periodically and not stop, I'm addressing it all in this post.

From the past almost 2 years since I've been writing Moth to Flame, I've been repeatedly a target of this behavior/bullying up to the point where it's evolved to anon hate/blogs that I've blocked changing locations to send me asks, sending me and my fics hate while making new blogs to interact with me, actively reading my fics and writing hate comments on them, and interacting with my blog while continuing to send me hate over a fanfic. 😶 What it's evolved to is downright ridiculous and insane and I am no longer entertaining it in any way, shape or form whether it comes on AO3 comment sections or here.

I'm not going anywhere. I'm never going to stop writing fics or my original work. Writing is my hobby, my passion, one of my favourite things to do and this hasn't changed for 16 years and it never will. I'm not going to delete my fics/works for anyone or anything and that includes anon hate and every nasty message inbetween. I'm here to stay, and nobody is obligated to read my fics or even interact with my blog so please, if you don't like me, my writing and anything regarding it from the style to the characters' personalities and down to the plot, unfollow me. Block me. Please don't interact with me in any way if you don't like me/my writing for whatever reason.

My welcome onto Tumblr after beginning to post the first few chapters of Moth to Flame was anon hate and nasty messages. Because of a fanfic, I've been told to "stop writing it because it discourages other fanfic authors" due to Moth to Flame's soaring popularity, that I have "ego problems" from accepting and being grateful for feedback and compliments, that I "think I'm better than every other fanfic writer" because I'm confident and comfortable with my writing style and skill and refuse to insult myself or downplay my own talent in some way, that I have a monopoly on Michael Corleone x Reader fics and that I supposedly think "nobody else can write good Michael Corleone x Reader fics". ??? None of these are remotely true at all. ☹️

Since then, I've had growing suspicions this kind of bullying and behaviour was coming exclusively from The Godfather fandom and unfortunately, I was right. 🫤 Being in many fandoms for long periods of time on and on for years, The Godfather fandom is the first fandom I've ever been in where I've seen blogs group up and gang up on other blogs to send anon hate/make nasty posts about them, have someone tell me to k*ll myself over a fanfic, encourage other blogs/users to individually send hate (over anything, ships, headcanons, etc.), make new blogs to send hate and to follow/stalk from and so much more disgusting, awful behavior.

It got all the more concerning when I had friends and mutuals telling me they're distancing themselves from The Godfather fandom and choosing to have nothing to do with it or follow anyone from it. I've had beloved mutuals and friends deactivate their blogs over witnessing this behaviour in the fandom. 💔

Over a fanfic, I've had anon hate telling me I'm a misogynist/hate women because Moth to Flame is based in the late 1940s/1950s, that Victoria has "too many children", that there's "too much smut" in a SMUT fic, that Victoria "isn't shy enough" (just to name a few) and users telling me how I should write my own fanfic and my portray my own characters differently because they don't like how the plot went or how the character acted. These are no longer bits of "constructive" criticism, but condescending insults coming from individuals who clearly don't like my fics or my writing, but refuse to stop reading them, refuse to stop interacting with me and continue to send more anon asks and anon AO3 comments.

I believe that one of the many great things about second person perspectives in writing/fanfics is that you get to step into a new world and experience the plot with or as the character. This doesn't mean the character is going to be 100% like you and it's not my intention or wish to do that or change my characters entirely so someone likes them better either.

I'm all for difference of opinion and love the unique ways my readers enjoy my works and react to them. 🥰 I've received many intriguing comments/feedback on my fics where readers were shocked by a plot twist or didn't expect a character to behave a certain way, even that to them the characters weren't good people, etc, or have asked questions about why something happened the way it did or why a character is the way they are. I've always been happy to answer and been more than okay with welcoming all opinions and comments on my fic so as long as they are kind.

I'm not accepting any type of comments/submissions/asks of the sort received containing "constructive criticism" of any kind over a fanfic, telling me how to write/portray my characters, telling me to alter/change the plot, etc.

I'm very happy to block, report, rinse and repeat whether it be here or on AO3. I've met some amazing people from The Godfather fandom on here and made the best of friends with many, but to ignore the toxicity here is to ignore the obvious. This isn't okay. Please for the love of God, read fanfiction you enjoy and interact with blogs you enjoy, not the opposite.

I will always love and welcome thoughtful and kind comments/feedback on my fics but I'm not going to stop writing my fics, I'm not going to change my characters or alter the plots because someone doesn't like them.

To my beloved readers, followers and mutuals who love and support my writing and fics: thank you. ❤️ I'm forever and always grateful for every bit of your appreciation and feedback. Thank you so much for everything. I can't wait to write more fics and share my writing with you guys!

If you don't like it, please don't read it and please don't send hate over it to any fanfic writers and to their fics.

[will-of-the-wisps]

Hello!

For those on Tumbir, it's been a while since I've used this site, but I figured it would be better late than never to get a fresh start and introduce others to a story I've been in the works developing for quite some time.

I'm a passionate enthusiast for writing, and I figured why not bring something new to the table?

I'm currently in the works writing a really big story: "Will of the Wisps." | will be posting chapters from my ao3 onto here, so that way people will be able to get the chance to read the book quickly and efficiently. Will of the Wisps is a crossover book/fanfic that combines the eccentric taste and characters of Lego Monkie Kid and Ori and the Will of the Wisps stunning visuals and storytelling. You will get the chance to see character development the show LMK hasn't produced yet, epic boss fights that will rattle you to the core, and deep storytelling that tells great lifelong lessons and messages.

I recommend to those who are new to my story to please read, "Author's Note: Introduction and Rules," to understand the groundwork my readers need to be aware about before reading. I also cannot stress this enough, even if it is included in the A/N, you must be 18+ to read this book, due to the dark themes, violence, and death that will occur in certain parts. I don't like my writing being inhibited and restrained, so it is in my best interest I do that, while also making sure you guys are warned way ahead in advance.

This post will be pinned, and I will make sure to post chapters here on Tumblr once they are out!

If you have any questions or comments, don't be afraid to get in touch with me via DMs, or leave a question in my ask box. This post will be continually updated, so make sure to constantly check for chapters that will be added. Thank you!

——————————————————————————————————

Will of the Wisps - WIP

1. Author's Note: Introduction and Rules

2. Prologue

3. News and Strangers - Part 1

4. Invited and Uninvited Guests - Part 2

5. To Seek The Skies

6. In The Eye of the Storm

7. The Howler and the Light

8. A Whisper of Dreams and Bending of Light

9. Puzzle Shrine - Part 1

10. Swampy Waters - Part 2

11. The Arena

12. The Guardian of the Marsh

(More chapters to come!)

[ilovemylawyer]

ilovemylawer I have never commented on your fics( I'M SORRY ) but I find myself going back and rereading them SO often I hope you know your impact....Everything you post is canon in my humble opinion( NO one is doing it like you /pos )....If it's not too vague of an idea I have a request....something with Beom Jae finding out about dyds?! His reaction would be something, and I feel like there's a distinct lack of him....P.S. Your playlist is EVERYTHING to me P.P.S. This was my first time clicking your Tumblr....so much insight here I was missing out on! P.P.P.S I want you to know there's nothing better than waking up to an Ao3 email saying you've posted ^o^♪

dear sweet and beautiful anon in my inbox,

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S OK <33333 you are here now and it means the world 2 me <333 it is imperative that you know how happy your kindness makes lil ol me!!! <3333333

THANK YOU!!! what the heck thank you so much!!!!!! i am addicted to consuming the same things over and over again and chewing on them (see: EVILIVE) and to be the creator of something that someone else enjoys chewing on? FANTASTIC NEWS!!!! warms my beating heart <3 i have such a huge love for this show and i think it is masterful and wonderful and i really want to worm my way into the cracks of it- i kind of worry about making the canon.. less.. canon...? with my very emotional gay feelings and words... so to hear that my stuff feels faithful and honest enough to hold hands with the masterpiece that is evilive 2023? I AM HONORED!!!!!!! seriously your compliments mended some very specific anxieties of mine... thank you... thank u... :]

CONSIDER IT DONE. anything for you. i have more beomjae planned in some specific future projects, but i haven't gotten all the way around to those yet... (i work very slow..).. but i honestly really love writing like, every single character in this show. ohjae is like peak funtime writing for me. and i had a blasttttt putting the detective in hint hint 'CHECKPOINT' i think his character is SO FUNNY! all this to say i owe some serious time to beomjae. he is also an AWESOME AS FUCK guy! i will spend some time with him and spit him back out at you :D!!

re PS: (clutches my heart and dramatically falls backward) ACK!!! MY PLAYLIST!!!! thank you. THANK YOU!!! i listen to my playlist nonstop i think it is craaaaaaaaaaaaazy and awesome and real. i am so thankful that you see my vision!!!!! i will update it constantly and forever, so keep an eye out for newly added dyds bangers ;]

re PPS: WELCOME!!!!! i am always telling myself that i need to post more on here, but i get way into my head about any words that i share online (for example i have been drafting this response for half an hour now. editing takes me AGES) and i usually talk myself out of hitting the 'post' button. i have lots of drafts on this blog. but i hope some of my ramblings make a bit of sense and maybe even enrich your ILML reading experience!!!!!

re PPPS: WAHOOOO!!!! i will make this happen for you in a personalized beomjae-involved way. if u have an ao3 account LMK and i'll gift it to you :D (if not that is fine too, i am also a huge fan of anonymity)

thank you kindly anon!!! thank you so much!!! your words have given me immense amounts of writing strength, and i promise to you i will put my bulging wordy muscles to good use!!!

[cann1ballistic]

Hello!!!

I just wanted to say I’m a fan of your art!!! Both here and on twitter!!! Unfortunately I’ve never said anything before, I also don’t follow you on twitter because of the antis. It’s also why I’m dropping an anonymous ask instead of showing my account.

I’ve watched the trolls movies before but the third movie was what got me into looking for art and fiction cause I wanted to see more of Branch and his family. And new official content takes a long time to come out, so I decided to look for more content online since there are many artists and writers that are always creating more content!!! Sometimes it’s even better than the official stuff 😂!!! I was looking for more stories about Branch and his brothers growing up together and stuff like that, more family centered stuff.

I was however, a little surprised with the Trolls fandom base because of the antis, I’ve been reading and seeing art from different fandoms for many years now and so far, at least for me, I’ve never seen such intense anti pro shippers. In fact, I’ve never quite understood what the word meant before, I thought it had to do with problematic ships, which I thought had to do with shipping for example heroes and villains or if two people have a big age difference.

I never even realized that incest was part of it. In all the fandoms I’ve read stories that include incest before magic or technology or natural biology, etc solved all the problems. Same with age differences, some characters would be aged up. Villains would turn out to have tragic backstories or one of the supposed good guys was tricking the protagonist. And I never noticed people being overly vocal about it. I mean I knew there were antis out there but it never got out of hand. An example of that, at least for me, was the Harry Potter fandom, I never had problems with antis or feared being blocked by certain artists because of what I read or who I followed.

But with the Trolls fan base some artists are very vocal about it. If a certain artist sees that you follow a pro shipper artist or if they see you comment on any of their art or if you say anything about the subject that they don’t like you are immediately blocked!!!

And twitter isn’t very private, everyone can see who you follow, your likes, retweets, your comments, etc and that makes it super easy for the antis to block you immediately!!! To avoid that, any pro shipper art I like I bookmark it, since that is the only thing other people on twitter can’t see. I don’t leave comments or like the art, cause I know if any of the antis find out about it they will block you, screenshot your account and tell everyone to avoid and block you cause you are a pro shipper or neutral. And I really don’t know what a neutral is!!! I’m guess it’s someone that doesn’t care either way, I think?

The antis will also talk shit about you behind your back!!! I also don’t leave comments on the stories on AO3 and I’ve considered making a second twitter account so that I can follow the pro shipping artists from the Trolls fandom I like in peace but!!! I’m so paranoid about the fact that the antis will discover my original account somehow that I haven’t done it!!! Here on tumblr you can at least keep your likes and who you follow private.

There are so many amazing Trolls artists out there, unfortunately they are for the most part very outspoken antis, at least from what I’ve seen.

Sorry!!! I’m venting a little here, it’s just… for the longest time I was ok with whatever showed up in front of me, story and art wise. For me it didn’t matter the pairing or anything else as long as the story was interesting!!! I’ve read stories where the only thing in common with the cannon content was the names and appearances of the characters everything else was completely different and I was fine with it because the story was super interesting!!! And there’s also the fact that it’s FICTION!!! Just because you are ok with what people write or draw doesn’t mean you’re ok with it in real life!!! I mean there are authors out there that write horror, gore and murder mysteries but that doesn’t mean that they want to actually kill some in real life!!!

The Trolls antis got me so out of sorts that I actually had the balls (metaphorically speaking) to ask my psychologist if it was ok to like this sort of stuff!!! And I told them about the antis, liking stuff like incest art and stories, the whole just because you are ok with it in fiction doesn’t mean that you’re ok with it in real life, etc!!! And they agreed with me!!! Told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that some people just take somethings to seriously!!!

So… Again sorry for venting, but I wanted to share my experience and opinion with you.

I also want to say that you and all the other artists and writers that are ok with pro shipping should keep producing your amazing content and ignore all those nasty antis!!! Cause you are amazing!!!

So please keep up the amazing work!!! And don’t let anyone get you down!!!

Thank you for the encouragement, i appreciate it! To be honest i’ve become so jaded over this topic in general that it’s nice to be reminded that there are people online who do in fact enjoy fandom more than starting slapfights lol (not scolding you for talking about it of course, feel free to vent!)

my own rant below the cut lol

I’ve found that a lot of fandoms with audiences who skew to the younger side tend to be the most combative, so it checks out that you’ve found the Trolls fandom to be like this. A stark example that i’ve seen is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fandom, specifically around the Rise of the TMNT series, which came out in….2018, i think? (i didn’t get into it til 2022 so idk) BUT fans have been shipping the brothers together in that fandom since the 80s and largely nobody bat an eye until Rise happened, and brought a lot of the younger crowd into it. NOW, suddenly it’s Too Far to ship characters that have been shipped since before most of the new fandom members were born 💀

a lot of these younger fans had the misfortune of coming into fandom around the same time that a lot of TERFs and other conservative types were getting REALLY vocal on here around 2015-2018; of course, they grow up into really conservative types who spread the same nonsensical rhetoric to those younger than them, and so on and so forth.

i cannot emphasize enough that NO fandoms were like this (on a wide scale) pre-2015. this is coming from my perspective as someone who had VERY vanilla tastes for most of my fandom career…the fact that the term proship even exists is a testament to how much fandom has changed; proship is a term that popped up as a reaction to people using Anti Shipper as a way to tout their fandom activism (derogatory) & purity politics.

(being Neutral, btw, means basically nothing afaik because being Proship means that you mind your business, and people who are neutral just say that they mind their business and want nothing to do with the entire argument. Antis call them pros and pros also call them pros so idk how it’s even useful as a label 🤷‍♀️)

ALSO I FEEL THAT SELF DOUBT!! talking to your therapist was a good idea though, it’s good to get a reality check when you need it, haha. I had a moment several years back where i was questioning why i, as an adult, was into a fandom whose target audience was teenagers, before i realized that it’s not that deep and you can do what you want forever lmao

I would love nothing more than to dismiss the entire pro vs anti argument if i’m honest, but i can’t ignore the real life abuse that comes from it. I understand why you’d be afraid to be public with your opinions; especially on a garbage website like twitter, where reporting accounts only ever seems to work for the wrong people 🫠

The best way to do fandom has always been and continues to be to find your group of friends and be insane with them. (AND TO BLOCK LIBERALLY!) I hope you can find some people to chill with 🫂

[plutoccult]

NO. 1 PARTY ANTHEM

pairing: kei tsukishima x female reader

description: the annual christmas party with the karasuno volleyball club always brings in lots of fun, but this year is far different than the rest after tsukishima finds you under the mistletoe.

word count: 2.7k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: guys, i love tsukishima so much, idk why i haven’t written anything for him before. i’m too busy being a sugawara warrior for my office au, but i’m here to show my boy tsukki some love now. i’ve been wanting to do something mistletoe related, and who better to write it for than dear ol’ tsukki? i titled this after the arctic monkeys song because it just seems like a good song to kiss someone to. also, i would like to note this all takes place after the timeskip, so they’re all adults here. and for those who wanted to be tagged, tumblr was being wonky so not everyone was able to be tagged (assuming that has something to do with each individual’s settings), so i’m sorry if i wasn’t able to tag you! and if you’re someone who liked my post when i asked for tags but didn’t specify which post you wanted to be tagged in, you’re getting tagged in all three posts whether you wanted to or not LMAO. enjoy!!!

tags: @toorubobatea @cowgirlikets @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69

taglist form here

if there was one thing the volleyball club could all agree on, it was embracing tradition. even if they were all navigating their adult lives, whether that be playing for national teams, studying at university, or working a nine to five, they never failed to reunite around the holidays. specifically, they never failed to show up for daichi’s annual christmas party.

you weren’t a master at the craft of volleyball like yamaguchi and tsukishima, your best friends since childhood, even if tsukishima was what you would call a “meanie” due to his relentless teasing, but that was just classic when it came to him. still, you couldn’t help but be annoyed by it at times, even if those interactions brought you weird butterflies, which may be the most annoying part of it all. but even if you weren’t a volleyball prodigy of sorts, you were roped into being one of the managers of the club, making your mark during your days at karasuno, and most importantly, making lifelong friends.

you sat in the back seat of yamaguchi’s car on the way to the party, regretting your choice of picking the passenger side once tsukishima took shotgun and moved his seat back as far as possible for those long legs of his. it was like your legs were practically being squeezed to a pulp, and you were glad for it to be over once you arrived to daichi’s place.

tsukishima moved his seat forward before getting out of the car, opening your door for you and extending his arm out incase you needed help getting out. it was a snowy night after all, and he knew yamaguchi would scold him had he not lended a hand.

“god, tsukki.” you huff as your boots met with the white blanket of snow on the ground. you immediately let go of tsukishima’s hand once you stand up straight, wiping your gloved hand on your coat as if he were a germ. “wouldn’t have killed you to move your seat up a little. i almost lost all feeling in my legs back there.”

“should’ve picked the other side then.” tsukishima shrugged.

“oh, whatever, you big—”

yamaguchi immediately ran to the two of you, shielding tsukishima as you tried to smack the back of his head and failed miserably. “haha, okay, let’s not do this tonight, guys! we’re here to have fun. i don’t want to see you two bickering at all, okay?”

“yes, dad.” tsukishima groaned like an angsty teenager would.

you roll your eyes at his comment. “i can hold up my end of the bargain, yamaguchi.”

“good.” yamaguchi let out a sigh of relief, although he would hold some doubt just incase he needed to play mediator again. “now let’s head in, okay?”

you both nod in agreement—a shock, honestly—and trot through the snow together before making it to daichi’s front door. it was like you and tsukishima had telepathically agreed to let yamaguchi ring the doorbell, sharing a brief look before he did exactly that. you heard an “i’ll get it!” before daichi opened the door, a glass of what was seemingly eggnog in his hand and notably wearing the most hideous christmas sweater you’ve ever seen.

“hey, you guys finally made it!” he greeted the three of you. “come on, head inside. it’s a beast out there.”

you all walk into the house and take off your winter gear, piling it together over a vacant chair. everyone who arrived already were seen mingling, grubbing on snacks, drinking booze, or basically all three. tanaka and kiyoko were found sharing a kiss under the mistletoe, blushing as everyone watching cheered them on. no one would ever get over them actually ending up together after high school, you included.

“i’m gonna go find yachi.” yamaguchi said, hoping he can successfully admit his crush on her in high school, one that necessarily never went away. “don’t kill each other in my absence, please?”

“i’ll let the alcohol kill me first.” tsukishima rolled his eyes.

yamaguchi sighed before he walked away to begin his search for yachi, starting off with asking kiyoko where she was. you turn your attention to tsukishima, who stood with his arms crossed as he scanned the party.

“i thought you hated alcohol.” you say to him, remembering how tsukishima once said he hated the way it made him feel.

“i know what i said.” he replied, always so blunt in the way he spoke.

“whatever.” you scoffed. “go bully hinata and kageyama or something.”

“well, don’t threaten me with a good time.” tsukishima said with a smirk before he disappeared into the party, leaving you all alone.

there was plenty to do here. you could catch up with kiyoko and get the deets on her and tanaka. you could talk to asahi and joke about how you use to have a crush on him in high school when he had his low bun phase. or, the best of all, eat and drink to your heart’s content while you avoided burning out your social battery. as much you loved them, you always found yourself exhausted after a day with your former classmates. too much chaos for your liking. it was almost miraculous yamaguchi and tsukishima actually volunteered to put up with such mayhem before you came along too.

you weren’t that heartless though. you caught up with everyone, exchanging quite the jokes about the old days. your favorite was a joke about how sugawara’s hair could get any more gray. he always insisted it was a “very ashy blonde,” but you all laughed about it anyways. no one was innocent though, as there was a joke for everyone, including you, specifically your past crush on asahi, who blushed out of embarrassment at the mention of it.

at some point, you excused yourself from the chatter and made your way to where the food was, the best part of this whole shindig. there was just about anything you could think of; chips, dips, cookies, sodas, booze, and of course, plenty of eggnog. it was the ultimate safe haven, and thank god for daichi for never skimping with each passing year.

you eventually found yourself standing all by yourself, leaning your head against a doorframe connecting to the hallway as you watched tanaka and nishinoya re-enact the “it’s tricky” dance from white chicks. they never failed to put on a show, that’s for sure, but it was funny to see kiyoko look so embarrassed yet so in awe at the same time.

unbeknownst to you, tsukishima walked up behind you, his head bumping right into a mistletoe, one you had no clue was there the whole time. of course you didn’t know, you were shorter than tsukishima, so you would have to look up to notice it, unlike your much taller friend who walked into it face first.

“y/n… have you have been oblivious to this mistletoe the entire time?” he asked you.

“what mistleto—“ you turn your head and look up to see the dangling plant, but with tsukishima’s face right there next to it. there was no way you were in this position right now. “oh…”

tsukishima found himself in a fit of laughter, for reasons you were unaware of, which made you pout. “why are you laughing?”

“nothing, nothing.” he said, taking a deep breath so he would stop laughing.

“does the thought of having to kiss me under the mistletoe make you laugh?” you ask. why else would he laugh in your face in such a way? if you were the one to find him under the mistletoe, you would have kissed him without hesitation. at least you would get to know what it would be like.

your question sent tsukishima into a spiral of worry. even if he teases you, he doesn’t want to actually hurt your feelings. with some people, yeah, they deserve a little hurt, but you? you were the least deserving of it. he had his own language, and although most times you were pretty damn good at deciphering it, this wasn’t one of those times.

“what?! no!” tsukishima immediately protested, but you had a hard time believing him.

“then why did you laugh?” you frown.

“i just… i find it funny that none of these fools hopped at the chance to find you under the mistletoe and kiss you.” he said plainly, trying to play it off as cool as possible.

“huh—” you were ridden with confusion, but before you had the chance to speak another word, tsukishima planted a quick kiss onto your lips—your eyes widening as he kissed you—and walked away, leaving you absolutely speechless.

what could he have possibly meant by that? did he… like you? no, there was no way, you were sure of it. not when he teased and bickered with you like his brain was wired to always do that when you were within vicinity of him. not when he opened the door for you like a gentleman or carried your bag whenever it was heavy in shocking acts of kindness.

wait. maybe he did like you and that was his way of showing it. but then again, you could just be insanely delusional.

swimming in these mind blowing thoughts, you stand there frozen until the sounds of a champagne bottle popping snapped you back to reality. tsukishima was nowhere in sight, and you knew you had to find him. you couldn’t just move past this like it was nothing. it was something, wasn’t it?

you search throughout the party, asking around if anyone had seen tsukishima. unfortunately, you didn’t get any results. eventually, you found yamaguchi and yachi giggling together, and you figured if someone knew of his whereabouts, it would yamaguchi.

“y/n!” he jumped when you rushed towards him and yachi. not long before you came along, tsukishima ran up to him, rambling about how he kissed you then completely vanished. “you’re trying to find tsukki, aren’t you?”

“of course, i am!” you exclaim. “where did he go?!”

while yamaguchi was too flustered to respond, yachi had paid attention far better than the shy man beside her. “he went out the front door without his coat.”

“yachi, i love you.” you say as you quickly hugged her and wandered off to find tsukishima just where yachi said he’d be.

the front door creaked as you stepped outside. you immediately shivered over the sudden contact with the brutal, cold air, a stark contrast compared to the warmth of daichi’s living room. tsukishima stood alone, not wavering by the sound of meeting him out here. he knew you’d find him, of course he did.

“you think you can just kiss me and walk away like that?” you question, getting straight to the point.

tsukishima turned to face you, shrugging his shoulders in response. “that’s the point of a mistletoe, so yeah.”

“why are you out here, anyway?” you ask, rubbing your hands together for warmth while tsukishima didn’t seem phased whatsoever. “it’s freezing. come on, let’s get back inside.”

“it’s crowded in there.” he said. “i like it when it’s just me and you.”

“why?” you furrow your eyebrows. this is so unlike him, you thought. “you’re always so mean to me.”

“i’m not mean.” yeah, and you were slenderman. tsukishima was such a bad liar, it almost made you want to laugh.

“yeah, you are.” you argue. “you’re always teasing me.”

“if i’m so mean, then why did you come after me?” tsukishima argued back, towering over you and he stood close to you. “why are you still standing here in the freezing cold?”

“i don’t know. i just…” you weren’t sure if it was the closeness or the cold weather making your cheeks blush, but you wanted it to stop before you ended up making a fool out of yourself.

“just… what?” he asked. his height made him seem so intimidating, but you refused to falter. you had to know what his words meant before he kissed you.

you shy around the question at first, but eventually blurt it out and anxiously wait for his answer. “what did you mean when you said you found it funny that no one had hopped at the chance to kiss me under the mistletoe?”

“y/n, are you an idiot?” tsukishima questioned as he let out a chuckle. it infuriated you that this was how he was treating this conversation, but you were so oblivious.

“see, that’s what i mean! god, you’re such a meanie, tsukishima—” you’re cut off by tsukishima pressing his lips against yours, lingering longer than your initial kiss under the mistletoe. he placed his hands on your waist as he pulled you in as close as humanly possible. your eyes widened at first, just like before, but you quickly melt into his touch. you could almost feel yourself warming up right now.

when you pull away from the kiss, you look around incase there were any mistletoe hanging around, but alas, there were none in sight. “there’s no mistletoe.”

“i know.” he said.

“then why?” you question.

“you seriously haven’t figured it out?” tsukishima asked.

“i’m an idiot, am i not?” you force a laugh.

he shook his head. “out of all the idiots in the world, you’re my favorite.”

you almost swore you saw his pupils dilate when you looked into his eyes. “i thought that was yamaguchi, actually.”

“no… that’s not what i meant.” tsukishima let out a sigh from frustration. “god, you make this so difficult, y/n.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” you raise an eyebrow.

“i’m trying to tell you that i like you.” he said bluntly. there was no other easy way to say it rather than blurt it out, and you were too in shock to process it.

“come again?”

“i like you. i’ve had a crush on you since we were kids, y/n.” tsukishima admitted. even so, you couldn’t tell if he was being for real or not.

“if this is a joke, it’s not funny.” you cross your arms.

“it’s not!” he stammered. “i’ve never been so serious in my entire life. i’m just… not good at the whole feelings thing.”

to see that look in tsukishima’s face, one you deciphered as a look of love, you had to know that he was serious. he was never one to put himself on the line like this, always putting logic into everything he did. but love wasn’t logical, and for tsukishima kei to be capable of love—or at least some sort of feelings—well, that was a miracle in itself.

“well, in all the years i’ve known you, tsukki, that’s been abundantly clear, but i would have never guessed this.” you say.

“i know, and i’m sorry.” he looked down, seemingly ashamed of himself. “you can just pretend i didn’t say anything.”

“why would i do that?” you ask. you actually couldn’t believe he would suggest such a thing. there was no way you would ever forget this.

still, the question took tsukishima by surprise. “why wouldn’t you?”

you can’t deny how tsukishima made you feel. the fluttering in your stomach, the burning cheeks. you hated it so much before, but now you found there was no reason to hate it at all.

“well… out of all the meanies in the world, you’re my favorite, tsukki.” you reply to his question.

“i am?”

“yeah… idiot.” you blush.

his typical resting face turned into a soft smile—not like his usual mischievous grin—a look you loved to see in all its rarity. it made all those moments you shared so, so worth it.

“you’re smiling.” you tease him.

tsukishima immediately wiped the smile off his face and pretended to act as stoic as possible, but it wasn’t working that well. “am not.”

“you so were!” you grin, gently poking his arm. “ah, look at me, teasing you. the tables have turned!”

he couldn’t help but laugh, letting his guard down completely. “only you can tease me like this, y/n.”

“i’m glad.” you say before tugging the sleeve of his sweater. “now come on, let’s get inside. i’m sure everyone is wondering where we are.”

“no…” he shook his head. “i just wanna stay here with you a little longer.”

“but it’s cold.” you whine.

“i’ll keep you warm, y/n.” tsukishima said before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in close. true to his word, he kept you warm, and he’ll do it over and over again, no mistletoe required.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[syneilesis]

Thank you, @scorchieart, for tagging me! Answering these is fun.

What creation or accomplishment from 2022 are you most proud of? I'm proud that I've managed to write as much as I could this year. I wrote more words than last year (26k from 22k last year), and it means a lot to me. I could do it! Sort of! Yay!

Cut and paste some of your favorite reader/viewer comments on your work. We’re celebrating, people, and comments on your work is your champagne. It’s New Year’s, live a little. Every comment on my fics is special. Every time I see an ao3 email saying somebody commented on a fic of mine it makes my day. Same with tumblr. Most especially, to everyone who enjoyed and commented on Let It Stand – I love you, guys, y'all're the best ❤️

Special shoutout to Zigene for commenting on my Wasurenagusa fic! I honestly never expected anyone to take notice of that little fic, but hey – another Wasurenagusa fan! Hello! Hi! What a fortuitous unfolding of events! ✨

What stretched you creatively? I'm going to cheat here a little, because I'm going to cite a wip of mine. I have another Kicho fic that I originally planned on finishing this month, in celebration of his route announcement. Alas, I can't accomplish that. Because it's a fic with experimental writing. It's somewhat difficult. I always seem to exercise that when it comes to Kicho. It's okay, I love him.

What was the most difficult thing you created and how did you get through it? Writing excerpts of Chevalier's novel in Let It Stand was the main reason chapter 2 took a while. There's a specific prose style I envisioned for him, and honestly at my skill level it's impossible to pull it off lol. Originally there would be more excerpts but I chickened out hahaha. I even read a few literature that are close to the prose that I imagined Chevalier to have, to get in that writing state ya know? In the end I told myself, fuck it, I'll write something regardless of whether it met my style goal or not. (Also I have to vaguely outline the plot of the novel lmao, to at least know how the ending would go.)

What’s one thing you’ve never tried to create that you might challenge yourself to create in the next year? I guess longform fics, like at least a 20k-word one-shot.

What new fandoms did you discover over the past year? I fell into the Obi-Wan Kenobi series rabbit hole this year and hyperfixated on it (Vaderwan!) for a couple of months and read millions-of-words' worth of fic, neglecting my rl work, rofan comics I read regularly, and other hobbies. Listen, I'm only a casual Star Wars audience prior to watching it, but now I know more about Jedi culture than I cared for. I didn't regret it, however; I discovered so many great fics and writers and art and artists. It's just, Star Wars as a fandom is very intimidating and high profile. I'm just content with reading fics and admiring fanart from afar.

Also, rofan webtoons/webnovels have larger fandoms than I expected – at least at fic level. Who Made Me a Princess and Villains are Destined to Die have so many fics on ao3.

What fan-works created by someone else inspired/excited you? All the IkePri meta! I love reading them. As well as the ones for other Cybird titles, even critiques of the games. I'm always drawn to the meta in fandoms, because they make me think about the series in ways I haven't before.

I love all the fanarts too! And for fics, here are some: Pace non trovo by @dear-mrs-otome Change for the better by @scorchieart Chevalier as a father fic by @art-of-love-and-war The Queen's Command by @aquagirl1978

These fics make my heart go doki-doki. I've been slow to read fics these recent months due to rl stuff, but I want to rectify that come 2023.

What did you read or see that made you go, “I wish I had written/painted/created that.” These days reading and seeing other people's works I am just filled with admiration and awe, and they become my inspiration and motivation to improve my own.

But really it's the works of JP and KR artists lol

Who did you discover? Like Scorchie's answer, it's my following list :)

Spread the fandom love – who makes you smile? [Yes, it is totally valid to write “everybody” in this space] Everybody! I'm pretty sure everybody's already been tagged prior to me, but I just really wanna say I'm relatively new to Ikeseries fandom, especially here on tumblr, but I've been enjoying the experience! I really appreciate everybody in the fandom, and I hope to continue enjoying Ikeseries with you all 💖

If you've read this far, consider yourself tagged. Happy New Year to all! :)

Content Creators...

Thinking about 2022 as we wave it goodbye and send it into the past. Let’s do a little bit of navel-gazing and patting ourselves and each other on the back and realize just how much we’ve accomplished over the past year.

So, for your blog, please answer (all or some) of the following questions. I’ll be working on my own answers over the next day or so.

What creation or accomplishment from 2022 are you most proud of?

Cut and paste some of your favorite reader/viewer comments on your work. We’re celebrating, people, and comments on your work is your champagne. It’s New Year’s, live a little.

What stretched you creatively?

What was the most difficult thing you created and how did you get through it?

What’s one thing you’ve never tried to create that you might challenge yourself to create in the next year?

What new fandoms did you discover over the past year?

What fan-works created by someone else inspired/excited you?

What did you read or see that made you go, “I wish I had written/painted/created that.”

Who did you discover?

Spread the fandom love – who makes you smile? [Yes, it is totally valid to write “everybody” in this space]

Tag yourselves in! Share the love! Party! Toast! Hugs! Rainbows! Unicorns! And a box of kittens!

[saiyanprincessswanie]

Chrome & Leather - Chp 14

Pairings: Billy x OFC, Steve x OFC

Summary: Billy thinks about his frustrations with John missing and Frank seemingly hiding something. What is Frank hiding?

Steve is still enjoying his day with Ben, Jessie, and friends. Jessie and Steve start a nice conversation where she shares some financial news with him that will help him out. With her feelings starting to swirl in her head she makes an awful mistake that has Billy seeing red.

Word Count: 2755

Warnings: Violent thoughts, Thoughts of past violence and death, Family spending time together, brief mention of smut

A/N: Steve edit is by Nix on Instagram. Mood-board by me and dividers by @whimsicalrogers​

A/N 2: Thank you to @lfnr-blog-blog-blog​ for beta reading for me. (any mistakes on spelling & grammar are my own)  

Reblogs & Comments on Tumblr are welcomed and encouraged. Even if you leave an emoji you will make my day. 😊💜

I do NOT give my consent to have my work translated or reposted on any social media platform, apps, or third-party sites. If you see my work anywhere else besides my personal Tumblr & AO3 accounts then it has been stolen. I will NEVER give written or verbal permission to repost or translate any of my fanfics as they’re MY intellectual property. 🚫🚫

To say Billy was pissed off was an understatement. The one person who could tear apart what he worked so hard to have is now in hiding. Billy knew he should have killed John when he had his chance. Hell, people go missing every single day in this country. He had the means to do it and John would have been an easy target. 

Billy thought back to the night that Brock was killed by him. Brock was a loose cannon, someone that he, the infamous Jigsaw, could not get under control. When Billy arrived at that diner and found Jessie cradling Becca, his heart broke and his anger spiked. Jessie was able to mumble out that Brock had done this. Billy had taken in Jessie’s features and could tell the other man had roughed her up. No one touches what is his. It was then he knew what had to be done. His mind started developing a devious plan to get the two most protective men out of Jessie’s life. 

He knew the men were going to want revenge, it was in their nature. So he called John on his burner phone so they could meet. It was easy to bribe John into lying about what happened to Brock and to get him to tag along when they confronted him. He remembers watching Steve and Bucky get out of Jessie’s truck to confront Brock. They beat him to a pulp and left him in the dirt. Once they left Billy drove up to where Brock was laying on the ground. He got out of his SUV and walked over to the beaten man.

Brock looked up at him and chuckled. “Here to give me a helping hand?”

Billy stalked towards the man, his head tilted as he took in his bloody form. Grabbing Brock by the hair he retched his head back exposing his neck. “I told you to never touch Jessie. Since you don’t want to listen, this is where we part ways.” A short knife slipped from Billy’s shirt at his wrist and with a flick of his wrist, he slits Brock's neck open. Blood poured out of Brock and in moments he was dead. Billy dragged the body a short distance and left it in a ditch. Once he had a chance to talk to John the wheels would be in motion to frame Steve and Bucky.

With all good plans, he should have known to cut off the dead limb that was John. Now John is in an undisclosed place under protection until he goes back in front of a judge. Billy should have known better than to hire Frank Castle. Frank is the reason all of this is happening. If Billy could take Frank out maybe this would go away. Unfortunately, Frank had a reputation for dealing with bad guys, something that both scared him and yet he admired.

Walking into the Sheriff's department Billy walked over to where Franks was sitting. “Good afternoon, Frank. Any word on where John Walker is being held? I heard the man cut a deal with the D.A.''

Frank sat back in his chair and smiled at Billy. “You know Bill, once I got the feds involved they swooped in and disappeared. Even if I knew I wouldn’t be able to tell you so why are you interested?”

“I’m interested as this has to do with a murder in our town. If something has changed, which it has since James and Steve are out of jail, I have the right to know as I’m the damn Sheriff!” Billy was seething that Frank would know more than him in this case.

Frank sat forward, leaning against his desk, and wrote a phone number. “I’m not hiding anything Bill. Here is the number of the feds in charge. If you have concerns, call them.”

Billy snatched the paper from Frank and turned on his heel, heading to his office. Once inside he slammed the door shut. Billy let out a frustrated breath as he tried to weigh his options on his next move. 

Jessie made it clear when he went to talk with her at Winnie’s place that she was going to allow Ben to get to know both men. When he voiced his displeasure she rolled her eyes at him and told him she was Ben's parent not him. That phrase alone made him want to slap her across her face but there were too many eyes on them. For now, he will let that slide. Billy has too much to lose and he needs to start calling his crew in for help but at the moment he was going to call the feds.

Jessie’s nerves were on edge after her talk with Steve. How dare he ask if she still had feelings for him? After everything, he put her through. Her eyes looked out the window in front of her and she watched Ben cruising on his electric bike. Steve was watching him proudly. She remembered Ben meeting him and calling Steve a bear because of his beard. A chuckle escaped her lips at the thought of it. 

What was she kidding? Jessie deep down inside had feelings for Steve still but it was complicated now. She moved on just like he told her to do. Now she was engaged to Billy and spent almost every day with him since her pregnancy. She couldn’t just break up with him cause Steve waltzed back into her life. Right?

She didn’t hold onto hope as Natasha did. She looked towards Bucky and Nat who were holding hands as they watched their nephew play. Life wasn’t simple for her as it was for them. They would be able to pick up where they left off and start anew. Something she will never get the chance to do with Steve, it was just too late for them. 

Tears fell from her eyes as she tried to steady her breathing. It didn’t help anything that Billy showed up and started to question her decision for this reunion. Yes, she said something she shouldn’t have but she was angry. Angry at Steve, angry at Billy, and mainly angry at life. Why couldn’t she have something normal in her life? Ben deserves stability. Now it is going to be filled with visitations with Steve and a life with Billy. 

Pushing those thoughts aside Jessie wiped the tears away and put on a brave face as she headed back outside with everyone else.

The day seemed to pass quickly as the sun started to set. Jessie watched as Ben played with Steve and Bucky throughout the day. The little boy's giggles made her heart happy to hear. Who knew Ben would take to both his dad and uncle so quickly? It was like they were never separated and making up for the lost time. Now with the sun setting the group of family and friends sitting around the bonfire talked amongst each other. Ben was currently in Steve’s lap and nodding off. Jessie smiled at the pair as this was what she always had wanted, a complete family. Though she knew this was not her reality. 

A cool breeze sent a shiver down her back and she knew it was time for them to leave. Jessie got up from her chair and made her way over to Steve.

“As much as I don’t want to break this up, we need to be going. I don’t want Ben to get chilled.” Jessie looked down at Ben who was now sleeping and curled up against Steve’s chest. 

Steve looked between Jessie and his son nodding in agreement. He stood up holding Ben close as Jessie said goodbye to Winnie and Bucky. Once she waved goodbye to the club members Steve carried Ben and followed her to her vehicle. Jessie unlocked the doors and watched as Steve gently put him in his car seat and then seat-belted him in. The little boy let out soft snores as they closed the door.

Steve cleared his throat and spoke. “Thank you for letting me spend time with him today. It means a lot that you gave me this time even though you could have said no.” His hand awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. 

Jessie smiled at him as she tucked her hair behind her ears. “How could I say no? You’re Ben's dad and have every right to see him. Ben deserves to know you as well.”

“I’m honestly surprised Ben doesn’t call Billy dad. I mean Billy has been in his life more than I have.” Steve started to fidget as he spoke. This is something he dreaded.

Jessie shook her head no and placed a hand over his heart. “Steve, no matter what has happened between us you will always be Ben’s dad. I’ve been telling him stories of you since he was a baby. I’ve shown him pictures as well. That’s why he knew who you and Bucky were. But Billy is just a friend to Ben. Yes, he helped raise our son while you were gone but that’s it. With you back, you can help me with Ben as much as you like, no pressure.”

Steve fought back tears at what Jessie said. “I would like that very much. I want to help you in any way I can. Child support, outings with Ben, you name it and it’s done.”

“Speaking of child support I wanted to let you know I have a separate bank account that I was putting your check in every month. I only took what I needed but there is a lot left over for you to use and have so you can get a place of your own. We can meet tomorrow and have the account put in your name.” 

“I don’t know what to say, Jessie. Are you sure you don’t need it? That money was meant for you.” Steve questioned.

“I promise I don’t. Between Becca’s life insurance money that I still have and working part-time, I have plenty to my name. We can figure out child support another day. I should get Ben home and into bed. If he doesn’t get enough sleep he is a monster the next morning.”

Steve opened the driver's door for her and Jessie smiled at him. 

“Thank you.” Jessie smiled at him as she hopped up into her truck and once she was in Steve closed the door.

He watched as she started the vehicle and slowly backed down the driveway. He had to admit watching the woman he loves and his kid driving away pulled at his heart. Once the truck was out of sight he rejoined his friends.

They spent the next hour talking amongst themselves catching Steve and Bucky up on club business. The club was still doing charity events to raise money for different charities. The next one coming up was for the fall festival, so the women would be baking pies and other desserts to sell. 

They also spoke about the mechanic shop and how well it’s been doing. Nat was dealing with orders and income with Tony while the rest of the guys ran the garage. Nat told Steve she did what he asked and cut a check every two weeks to help Jessie raise Ben. That Steve was grateful for. The last thing he ever wanted was Jessie struggling to raise his son. 

Once ten o’clock rolled around everyone was soon parting ways for the night. Steve watched as his friends left and he made his way inside Winnie’s house for the night. Thankfully she had insisted on him staying until he got some income so he could get himself a place. 

He made his way up to the spare room and changed into PJ pants. Climbing into bed he got comfortable on his back and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t believe Jessie made a bank account with him in mind. Maybe she held onto hope deep down inside that he would be released. Though if that was the case why would she have moved on with Billy? No matter the relationship Steve was determined to win back his family.

Once Jessie got home she carried Ben upstairs and changed him into PJs. She got him into his bed and gently kissed his head. Thankfully he never woke up as she exited his room. Jessie made her way to her shared bedroom and got ready for bed. When she was finally done she crawled into bed alone. She could help but stare at her ceiling and think about the day she had. Spending time with Bucky and friends was one thing but having Steve around well she couldn’t help but smile. It’s like he had never been gone for five years when they talked. Then him being so attentive to Ben, well she would be lying if she said it didn’t melt her heart. Ben had loved spending time with Steve and Bucky. If only things were different and she waited for Steve. They could have been a family again. But now things were too late because she is with Billy. She couldn’t just walk away, right? A sigh escaped her lips again as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Warm lips kissed the back of Jessie’s neck. The feeling of a beard made her groan in her half-sleepy state. Fingers caressed her body from breasts to between her legs and softly started to rub her clit. She moaned against the pillow as the fingers rubbed her faster. God this felt so good. Jessie couldn’t help as she panted more and more until she finally moaned out “Steve I need more.”

The fingers halted immediately and she huffed her frustration, slowly opening her eyes. She looked at the man above her and stared into brown eyes. It was Billy.

“Oh my God, Billy I-I’m so sorry.”

Billy stared at her angrily and threw the covers off of him. He got out of bed and looked back at her. “I can’t believe you moaned another man’s name! His name of all people! What did you whore yourself out last night?”

Jessie sat up in bed looking at him with hurt in her eyes. “How could you think that of me? What I did was a mistake.”

“A mistake?” Billy said with venom in his voice. “That wasn’t a mistake. Calling out another man’s name is fucking betrayal. I don’t have time for this. I need to shower and get to work.” Billy stormed off into the bathroom.

Fuck, she screwed up. Why did her mind think of Steve? She has never done that before. Jessie looked at the clock and it read 5 A.M. This was not how she wanted to start her day. She climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs. Entering the kitchen she started the coffee. Soon Ben would be up to start his day and she needed her coffee fix. Twenty minutes later she was on her second cup when Billy came down the stairs. 

“I fixed coffee if you want some.” Jessie softly told him.

“I will get some at the Sheriff's office. I will be working late again so don’t wait up for me.” Billy refused to look at her as he grabbed his keys and left.

Jessie couldn’t help but let the tears flow. She screwed up this morning. After a few minutes of crying, Jessie heard the familiar sound of Ben coming down the stairs. She quickly wiped the tears away just as Ben entered the kitchen.

“Morning mama!” Ben said as he ran over to her and hugged her legs.

“Morning Ben. What would you like for breakfast?”

“Pancakes!” He loudly answered.

“Of course you do. Go sit down and I’ll make you some.” Ben and his pancakes made her smile. Today she is going to focus on Ben and meeting up with Steve later at the bank. She would worry about Billy later and how to deal with what happened.

Tagging:

@americasass81

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@caffiend-queen

@denisemarieangelina

@georgiapeach30513

@get0verit

@hollybee8917

@joannie95

@jobean12-blog

@jvanilly

@labella420

@mdemontespan1667

@mrsmischief209

@nekoannie-chan

@notyourtypicalrose

@patzammit

@princessofdarkwinter

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork

@wolfsmom1

@what-is-your-plan-today

@writercole

@cevansgurl

[beachy--head]

Something Old, Something New

One-shot, Grey's Anatomy (read on ao3 or ff.net)

Summary: April is his best friend, so of course Jackson is going to say yes when she asks him to be the maid of honour at her wedding. Of course he's going to help her with all the wedding planning, the flowers, the cake, the seating chart. Of course he's going to throw her the best bachelorette party she could ask for.

Of course he's going to fall in love with her in the process.

Note: This came from a silly tumblr post where I imagined Jackson as April's maid of honor (he would honestly kill it), and @japril12 commented about the fact that of course he would fall in love with April. I started writing down a few ideas, and then this took a mind of its own.

This is slightly AU in the sense that April and Jackson haven't kissed or slept together at the boards and stayed BFFs in Seattle after season 8. Everything else is pretty much the same.

___

He has never seen his best friend looking so hyper. And that's saying something, given that ever since Matthew Taylor asked her to marry him after dating for 8 months, April has been very hyper. A spring-in-her-step, always-bouncing-and-smiling kind of hyper. The blush that is covering her cheeks is very April though, and it's clear she's dying to ask him something.

"I have something to ask you, and I want you to keep an open mind. I know it might seem weird, but I've seen it on Pinterest, it has already been done, and I kind of like the whole 'reversal of expectations' aspect of it all, when you think about it. It's not traditional, sure, but you're my best friend, and..." She looks at him with wide eyes and he can't help but grin, because he's always liked when April gets all worked up (and also when she refers to him as her best friend, their friendship having survived years of residency and of being attendings at the same hospital).

"Will you be my maid of honor?"

He brings his hands to his chest, pretending to clutch his heart.

"Yes, a thousand times yes!"

She laughs and swats him, and he meets her eyes.

"Do you think I would have let you ask Arizona? Or worse, your sister Kimmie? Of course I will."

She giggles and runs in his arms, hugging him with all of her body, and he lifts her lightly until her feet don't touch the ground. 

"Wait, does that mean I have to wear a dress?" he asks, bringing her back on the ground. She grins and brings her hand to her chin, pretending to think.

"I think salmon-pink would suit you very well. Bring out your eyes and everything."

___

"This one is perfect."

How did he end up going cake tasting with Matthew Taylor, he has no idea.

Well, he has an idea. April was obviously supposed to go. What she wasn't supposed to do was get stuck in the ER with victims from a MVC 10 minutes before her shift ended. Seeing him on his way home in the lobby, she had asked him if he would mind going to the cake tasting in her place. "Not that I don't trust Matthew's choice, I do, I just think two opinions are better than one. And well, you know your food and I know you won't let them get away with a pretty cake that tastes like cardboard." He had said yes, because one, who refuses free food? Not him. And two, because he's her maid of honor and that's what a maid of honor does.

In the small pastry shop, he realizes that he's never had more than one or two conversations with Matthew, and that it's the first time it's just the two of them. April is usually always there, chatting and trying to connect those two parts of her life, but he can't recall any meaningful interaction between him and the guy who is now the most important man in April's life.

"It's pretty good, yeah. Too bad you won't be able to choose that one."

"Why?"

"April is allergic to peanuts," Jackson says, tapping the ingredients list with his finger.

Matthew sighs and drops his head.

"Darn it! I really wanted that one. Hey, do you think it would be weird if we had two cakes?"

He wants to ask the guy if he's ever met his future wife, because there's no way that April Elizabeth Kepner would allow two cakes at her dream wedding. She'd go for the chocolate cake with raspberry mousse, hands down. But he barely knows the guy and doesn't know if the joke would be welcome, so he just shrugs and cuts a piece of the lemon cake in front of him, finding it tastes a bit too sour.

___

He's operating with Alex on a kid with a cleft palate, and it takes all of five minutes before the guy starts teasing him about being "one of the girls" in April's wedding.

"You're jealous?"

"Of being at Kepner's beck and call for the next few months? Right. Super jealous." Alex rolls his eyes. "Wait, did you take the job so you could get it on with one of the bridesmaids?"

"You want me to get it on with one of April's very married sisters or with Robbins?"

"Right. Then you're even weirder that I thought."

It's Jackson's turn to roll his eyes. Alex has never understood his friendship with April, always turning his nose up when they were all living together and the two of them did something together, be it watching TV or taking a walk. Still, he's not ready for what comes out of Alex's mouth next.

"You know, back when we were roommates, I always thought the two of you had something going on, or that you would end up together. It would have made so much sense, given how you were acting."

"Made sense? You always made fun of me for being her friend because we were so different."

"Yeah, well, what can I say, you two just work together. You ground her and always calm her down, she brings out your carefree side, whatever."

The patient's stats suddenly drop, so they focus on stabilizing him and operating after that, but when the surgery's done, Jackson looks at Alex and shakes his head.

He refuses to believe Alex Karev – Alex Karev, of all people! – is that good at deciphering human relationships.

___

The Kepner sisters are intense.

They have very strong opinions about everything, and they aren't afraid to voice them, no matter how inappropriate or insulting they can be. Their favorite pastime though seems to be giving backhanded compliments to the only sister that ever escaped Ohio, and for the third time in ten minutes, he finds himself making a face at Arizona and taking a sip of his glass of champagne (because if he has to be present for the dress selection, and he apparently does, because April has said 'You're an Avery, you know these things', then he's made it clear that they had to do this in style, and that champagne was required). He's walking a fine line here, trying not to make her sisters hate him, but still defending April because that's what a best friend does. What a decent person does, even.

Or so he tells himself.

April slides the curtain of the dressing room and walks towards them in what must be the 64th wedding dress she's been trying on today, and he suddenly gets what people mean when they talk about "the one".

It's the perfect dress for her.

Even the Kepners agree, and April giggles and twirls amid a sea of oohs and aahs. He makes sure to keep a smile on his face, hiding the ache in his chest as he stares at her. She's cute in scrubs, in jeans, in athletic wear, but that dress was made for her, and he remembers a time years ago when she was complaining about being single and he had told her that anyone would be lucky to have her. This only makes the ache in his chest intensify.

The medical professional in him tells him he has nothing to worry about and that physically, everything's fine with him.

The 31-year-old man who just had the biggest realization of his life tells him he is screwed.

___

He's on the phone with his mom when he looks at the time and sees he has to leave soon if he wants to make it to the appointment on time. 

"Mom, I have to go, April is waiting for me."

"Oooh, what is it this time?"

"Flower selection. I think."

"I'll let you go then. You don't keep a bride waiting!"

Before hanging up, he swears he can hear her say "With all the wedding activities she has you doing, you'd think you were the groom!" and his heart skips a bit, but he shrugs it off and puts on his coat.

The words get stuck in his head all day though, all the way through the florist appointment and his suit fitting and the selection of party favors. He tries to tell himself that he's just nostalgic, and that he's afraid because he's going to miss her. Because he's going to miss her, miss all the time they spend together at one of their places (because they had decided to be grown-ups and to live in their own apartments when they became attendings, but he swears that April has cooked more often that he has in his own kitchen, and that her fancy couch is bound to have his butt imprint on it from all their TV marathons and late-night discussions). Yes, that's it. April is going to spend more time with her husband and less time with her best friend, as she should, and he's just pre-mourning the decrease in their interactions. That's all.

He's not sure he's ready to acknowledge the fact that instead of sitting a few seats away on the bride's right side, he'd maybe (definitely) rather be the one sitting directly on her left.

___

It would be easier if Matthew was a crappy fiancé or a bad guy.

He's not. He actually loves April, following her like a puppy, and even if party planning is not his forte and he doesn't look too interested in the finer aspects of the wedding, you can see he wants to make his bride happy, saying yes to practically anything she wants.

Practically.

"I don't see why he doesn't want the 'mint-to-be' mints. That's a great pun!"

"It's not."

"It is!"

"And to think that you make fun of me when I tell dad jokes."

Now that the wedding is getting closer, they're working on the seating plan. Between the Kepner sisters' tendency to have beef with almost every one of their cousins and blood relations and their coworkers' ongoing drama at the hospital, designing a seating chart that will prevent any explosion during the reception is a delicate task that she hasn't wanted to outsource to anyone else.

"So you never told me. Are you bringing a plus one?"

"I am."

He already feels bad he's been having all these thoughts, and feels even worse when he realizes he's hoping for a reaction from her, anything, to show him he's not crazy.

"Really? Do I know her?"

Her tone is cheerful, but years of practice of being April's friend make him notice it's not as enthusiastic as it could be.

Or maybe it's just wishful thinking.

"You do, actually."

He thinks he sees something in her gaze, soon chased by a polite look of curiosity. She bites her lip and looks cautious, almost afraid to ask the next question, so he takes pity on her and doesn't keep her waiting.

"It's my mom, you dork. You think she'd miss your wedding? I didn't even have to ask her, she invited herself."

He's rewarded by a genuine April smile, one that showcases her dimple and reaches her eyes, and his breath catches in his throat for a second too long.

He's definitely, completely screwed.

___

"Can I ask you something?"

"No, April, I will not get a Pinterest account."

"No, it's not that! I mean you should, it would actually be easi– never mind," she backtracks when she sees his face. "I, it's... very personal?"

He blinks once. Twice.

"Yes?"

"You know how I'm a, well, a virgin," and the way she whispers that last word is so endearing he has to clench his fists to stay grounded.

"And Matthew is as well. We haven't done anything, like, we kissed, sure, and there was one time when we were in the heat of the moment and we almost, well, you know, but we didn't, and..."

He closes his eyes.

"April. Do you have a question?"

Sex is the last thing he wants to talk about with her. More precisely, sex between her and her fiancé. But he has decided that he won't ever be anything more than her best friend, the one who's always had her back ever since they were the last two Mercy West residents left. If he can't be the one who promises to honor and cherish her until death do them part, then he'll still be the one who vowed to protect her and be on her side no matter what.

Her cheeks are now a flaming red, and he thinks he sees something in her eyes before she drops her gaze and suddenly becomes very interested in studying her shoes.

"I'm just scared, that's all. And I have so many questions, but I guess that's normal. And I don't want to talk to Matthew about it, because it's weird, so I wanted to ask you, and..."

His mouth is dry, and he's pretty sure he's forgotten how to breathe. She breaks the moment though, shaking her head and plastering a fake smile on her face.

"Never mind, it's silly. Now, are you sure about that Pinterest account? I can send you an invite, so you could create your own boards, and then–"

___

"Your mom would so get a kick out of this."

"Say one word to her and I'll tell her how many times you practiced your speech before you met her for the first time when we were interns."

"You're a grumpus, you know that?"

"Anything for you."

Because his life is a complete joke at this point, he's dancing with April. Because of course, April has scheduled dance lessons for her and Matthew's first dance as husband and wife. And of course, Matthew Taylor, paramedic extraordinaire, had to be called away because of an accident just outside of Seattle right before the lesson. And of course the lesson couldn't be rescheduled, leaving April to plead with him to come with her so she can learn the choreography and teach Matthew later. It took the combined efforts of her puppy eyes and her dimple to convince him, but here he is, waltzing with her, not at all feeling like he could explode any minute.

"I'm just saying, looks like your fancy Avery dance lessons paid off, that's all."

"Well at least you– Ouch! That was my foot!"

She makes a face.

"Sorry, sorry! I have no coordination. Moline didn't have fancy balls or ballet classes, you know."

"Just your regular Cotton-Eyed Joe line dance in a barn?"

He kind of deserves it when she crushes his foot for the second time. At least she went for the other one this time. April Kepner is nothing but considerate.

"Listen, you have to relax and let me lead. Let the pro show you how it's done."

She nods, and he tightens his grasp on her waist, bringing her closer to him. They start moving in rhythm with the music, one two three one two three, and his heartbeats soon become wild, rushing faster than the music and making him dizzy. He makes the mistake of looking her in the eye, and the other dancers, the music, everything else disappears. He doesn't know how they're still moving, because he's not leading anymore, he's not sure he can do anything but stare at her. All of his attention is focused on the redhead in front of him, the gorgeous, unbelievable, freaking engaged redhead who looks at him with a glint in her eye and her mouth slightly open.

If it were anyone else, he would do it. He would wear his big boy's pants, close the gap between them and kiss the hell out of her, consequences be damned.

But it's April. His best friend April. The most important relationship in his life, and he can't, won't begrudge her the happiness she's chosen for herself. He's trying to tell himself he's being selfless here and ignore the little voice telling him that he's a coward.

When the song ends, he remembers how to breathe, and he sees something in April's eyes that almost sweeps all of his convictions away. He opens his mouth, but she shakes her head and turns away, walking a bit too fast towards the changing room.

You're not a coward, says the little voice. You're just an idiot.

___

He knows April loves his apartment, because she had spent a solid twenty minutes raving about the hardwood floors and the balcony and the Seattle views from his living-room the first time she'd visited. So obviously, he volunteers his place for the bachelorette party, cringing every time a Kepner sister brushes past one of the paintings on the walls or holds a crystal wine glass a bit too firmly.

He's the maid of honor, so he's vetoed the stripper the Kepners wanted to hire ("you have pretty eyes, but you're a buzzkill," were Libby's exact words when he told them the news, but given that Libby's tastes in everything seem to greatly differ from her sister's, he doesn't attach too much importance to her opinion) and opted for something simple. Gifts, drinks, snacks, music and games: as far as April is concerned, that's the recipe for a good night, so that's what she gets.

"Oookay April!" Arizona shouts a little bit too enthusiastically (who knew Robbins was such a fun drunk?). "What's Matthew's favorite color?"

"Blue. No wait, brown. Or something."

He's more than a little buzzed, so he joins the others in laughing away her hesitation and takes another sip of his beer. Who has brown as a favorite color?

"Last question. What's the first thing you're planning to do once Matthew and you are finally aloooone after the wedding?"

April ignores the whistles and suggestive comments and answers, with a straight face (but he knows her and doesn't miss the tilt in her voice that says she knows what she's doing), "I don't know, remove my shoes? I'm sure my feet will be killing me after hours in heels, and– why are you laughing?"

The guests soon turn the music up and start dancing and jumping around, and he's happy the party is going well, but he needs a few minutes away from all the squealing and the loud music. When he slides open the door to his balcony, he finds out that of course she had the same idea.

"Are you hiding from your own bachelorette party?"

Startled, she turns towards him with a half-smile.

"No, it's pretty perfect. I just needed to get some air."

He joins her on the edge of the balcony, leaning on the railing, and she turns her gaze back to the city.

"I love this view."

"So you tell me every time you're here."

His eyes are focused on the city lights in front of them, but he can hear her smile.

"You know me well. You know, when we were playing that game when I had to answer questions about Matthew. I was thinking that you and I would probably get perfect scores if we had to answer questions about each other."

Taking his heart out of his chest, crushing it on the ground and stomping on it a few times would probably hurt less than this.

"Yeah?"

His voice is unsteady, a dark contrast to the confidence he usually exudes.

"Yeah. Like your secret hobby?" She points to the telescope behind them. "It's astronomy, because your grandfather would take you to the planetarium when you were a kid and you still remember the names of all the constellations. Your favorite meal? Definitely chicken tetrazzini. And favorite color? Come on, it's dark green. We would so crush this."

He doesn't trust himself to talk, so he just nods. Slowly, she gets closer to him, but he keeps his gaze fixed on the buildings in front of them. If he doesn't look at her, he can do this. If he doesn't look at her, he can keep pretending his heart is not bleeding and he can stop himself from yelling he loves her to anyone who would listen.

"Jackson. Look at me."

He shakes his head.

"Jackson."

Because he can't refuse her anything, he turns his head and notices how close they are. Notices her slowly raising her arm and bringing her hand to his cheek. His heart is pounding, and his brain is telling him not to lean towards her.

He ignores his brain and starts moving in her direction.

"April! Avery! Come back inside, we put on the chicken dance like you wanted!"

Arizona Robbins is evil.

April closes her eyes for a moment and puts a hand on her neck, massaging a spot. She seems like she's about to say something, but she closes her mouth and heads inside, letting out the sound of a flurry of laughs when she opens the glass door.

He stays outside a few more minutes. Or hours. He doesn't know anything anymore.

___

The rehearsal dinner is kind of a torture for him.

Everyone is happy and smiling and mingling. April is radiant, stunning in her pale pink dress that makes her look like a princess, and he feels like a traitor, but he would rather be anywhere – a dentist appointment, an Avery foundation board meeting, hell, even one of his boards sessions – than here.

"Damn, Avery. Who pissed in your cheerios this morning?"

"I'm fine, Karev."

"Right. You've been nursing the same scotch since we arrived here, and Jo just asked me if you were born with that frown between your eyebrows."

He stays silent, because that's usually the best technique when dealing with Alex.

"Just saying. I've never seen a maid of honor looking so angry at a wedding. Well, if you don't count that chick in that twenty-something dresses movie."

It says a lot that he's not jumping on Alex's apparently secret knowledge of romantic comedies and making fun of him.

"It's just a stomach bug."

"Is that why you didn't want to make a speech tonight?"

I didn't want to make a speech, because I'm selfish and I don't want to wish April all the happiness in the world if that happiness is not with me. Because I'm angry at her for being so happy with someone else, and I'm angry at myself for not realizing I loved her earlier. Because if I have to toast my best friend and say nice things about her, I'm pretty sure I'll end up confessing my undying love to her, and I don't think Mr. and Mrs. Kepner, or Matthew, or anyone would be happy with that. Because if I see her squeeze Matthew's arm one more time and smile at him, I'm going to lose it, and it's not going to be pretty. Because I'm an Avery, and I've never felt so helpless before.

"Yeah, that's why."

___

"I thought the bride was the only one allowed to freak out before the wedding."

He turns around at the sound of her voice. Almost everybody is seated inside the barn where the ceremony is going to take place, and he'd thought that him taking a breather before the big moment would go unnoticed. His breath catches in his throat when he takes everything in, her dress, her pink lips, the braid of red hair framing her face, her eyes shining. She looks absolutely perfect. If he believed in soulmates, he would easily think she's his, and for the first time, he thinks that seeing her getting married to someone else is actually going to kill him.

"Averys don't freak out."

"Kepners do. Or at least used to."

He raises an eyebrow, wanting her to keep going, but her father calls after them, saying Jackson better get to his assigned position before the bride makes her grand entrance. She squeezes his hand and he turns around to go back to the barn, resisting the urge to say goodbye and flee.

The next steps go according to plan. He takes his place next to Arizona at the front of the barn, the organ starts playing the wedding march, the guests all stand up and April walks along the aisle, a vision in white, clutching her father's arm and smiling left and right, gaze unable to focus. Just before she joins Matthew, she steals a glance towards him, and her eyes are a storm of emotions.

Jackson doesn't really hear the minister start the ceremony. He's too busy trying to analyze the tightening in his chest, his mind replaying the moment he had with April just a few minutes ago, and the day before, and all the moments they had ever since they met at Mercy West in their weird orange scrubs.

I’m April Kepner, I’m from Ohio and I'm super excited to be near the ocean, although I don’t really know how I feel about the rain yet.

Jackson. It's okay, it's just a nightmare.

Well, April is the only friend I have left here.

We will be fine.

Will you be my maid of honor?

Can I ask you something? It's, uhm, very personal.

You're a grumpus, you know that?

We would so crush this.

Jackson, look at me.

He feels Arizona nudge him, drawing him out of his daydream, and he sees her mouth "Are you okay?", but nothing doesn't really register, except for one thing. It's now or never.

So many people are going to kill him.

He takes a few steps down from where the bridal party is positioned and finds himself standing in front of April and Matthew, who turn around, confused about his interruption.

You're not a coward. You're an idiot.

He takes a deep breath and tilts his head to the side. Here goes nothing.

"I love you, April. I always have. I love everything about you."