#reactive attachment

[mons7errr]

"you have reactive attachment disorder" it's actually called being a wolf and it is perfectly normal and healthy for me to be like This !!

[weemietime]

There isn't a whole lot of content on Tumblr about schizoid personality disorder so I thought I would make a little informational post. SZPD is a cluster A personality disorder, of the odd/eccentric cluster alongside schizotypal and paranoid. It is on the schizophrenia spectrum, and comprises the negative rather than positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

This primarily means we have avolition, catatonia, flat/blunted affect (demeanor), limited interoception (emotional sensations), lack of bonds to others including primary family members, and indifference to the opinions of others.

Whilst this isn't a diagnostic criteria, many of us are also asexual and aromantic, meaning we don't want to have sex with other humans (but usually do masturbate) and have no interest in romantic companionship.

My most disabling symptom is avolition, because I have comorbid ADHD. This means when I don't have my medication (dextromethorphan 120mg) I just sit there and zone out and can't even hold a conversation or move my body, nor even do things like feed myself. It is genuinely crippling and I am unemployed because of this, even though my meds help, they don't cure me and I need a lot of time alone.

Schizoid is something of an "anti-human" disorder, because we fail to form basic social bonds with others including primary caregivers. As a child I got diagnosed with inhibited RAD because I could not tolerate human contact. This differs from autism because autistic people generally want to socialize, they just lack the skills. I don't want to socialize and it takes tremendous effort for me to do so.

To even make this post I had to wait for my meds to click in as I was just sitting there mindlessly beforehand. While we have low internal sensations of emotions like caring, love, happiness, trust, sadness, etc. we aren't typically antisocial/dissocial and don't have a pattern of exploiting others or dishonesty. This requires too much effort.

There is a schizoid version of narcissism but it is separate to narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is characterized by a very fragile ego. You can't contradict or disagree with NPD because they are unable to regulate the emotions caused by conflict. Conversely, SZPD does not care about the opinions of others at all and places little value on them.

Our sense of superiority is legitimate, meaning we just do genuinely believe we are smarter than other people. So your mileage may vary on how insufferable you find that. I recognize this trait in myself and work to actively challenge it since it is illogical for me to think I am more special than anyone else. But, my ego is very stable, so criticism doesn't bother me the way it would in NPD.

Interoception means the sensations you feel inside your body. We lack this, so even stuff like hunger and tiredness don't impact us until we are very hungry or extremely exhausted. I don't have the feeling you would to look at a family member and get a sense of love or trust. I have a logical sense of obligation that I developed through choosing what I value based on reason. I describe this as care, and I place importance on my friendships, but there is no emotional component to this, it is all cognitive.

Tangentially: I'm somewhat of an optimistic nihilist, believing that there is no grand purpose to existence. Yes, even as a religious person. I don't think G-d ultimately has a purpose either, as an agent of the universe. (I don't believe G-d created the universe.) We have a human nervous system, so we base our rubric for morality on suffering and decide what is meaningful both collectively and individually.

I don't believe in true freedom of will (but I do believe we have agency), because we know that Bereitschaftspotential or reaction potentials occur in the brain up to two seconds before we become conscious of a volitional desire. Our consciousness occurs because of quantum synchronicity in the brain, so our free will is in a bit of an in-between state rather than fully determined or fully free.

So, we are not born deciding "I'm going to be an abuser," that happens because of brain abnormalities. It's no different than the forces of creation and destruction at work like a virus infecting a host cell. I don't place much importance on concepts of self-hood, I view myself as the electrical and chemical processes that occur in my brain, which happen without my choosing, that I can influence and impact through my own agency.

Anyway, these are just some basic schizoid meanderings for you all and I hope that this was informative or interesting in some way. Peace.

[capriddle]

Here I am again with a new diagnosis for Voldemort, this time it is DSM-5 Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Let's start by saying that RAD is a rare mental disorder that develops when infants or children are not given the necessary opportunity to form healthy bonds with parents, or other types of caregivers. Children raised in orphanages are more likely to develop it. Let's look at some of the main characteristics together:

refusing to interact with peers (Tom always kept to himself);

appear calmer when you are alone than when other people are present;

turning away or walking away from someone who is trying to show affection;

minimal social responsiveness towards others;

unable to gain weight (Voldemort is described as emaciated);

never smile;

to appear joyless;

appearing apathetic;

has difficulty or is unable to be comforted;

lack of ability to trust others (Tom does everything by himself);

lack of sense of belonging (Voldemort only feels at home at Hogwarts);

extreme anger problems;

underdeveloped consciousness;

develop a strong aversion to any type of physical contact;

lack of ability to feel genuine feelings of compassion towards others (basically Voldemort all the time);

control problems;

inability to develop or maintain meaningful interpersonal relationships;

episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fear that are evident during non-threatening interactions with adults caring for the child (the first meeting with Dumbledore);

If a child is not cared for as an adult, he or she may behave in the following ways:

detached;

inability to maintain meaningful relationships, romantic or platonic;

inability to show affection;

resistance to receiving love;

control problems;

anger issues;

impulsivity;

distrustful;

inability to fully grasp emotions;

feelings of emptiness;

lack of sense of belonging;

In relationships:

they have little emotional investment in others;

they are reluctant to share their feelings with others;

they avoid physical intimacy;

they lack empathy;

All the traits seem to match up too much to me, so I'm going to add RAD as my Voldemort headcanon.

[kenmakaminari]

Things I thought were normal until people I know pointed out that they were trauma responses!!!

(people being my friends, and even my therapist(s))

18 bullets

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, mentions of csa, mentions of death/dying, disassociation, talk about tampons, probably quite a few typo's

Disassociation, especially when people are yelling or i feel like they are upset with me

Over explaining myself

Not being able to make a decision, even a small one

Not crying for over 10 years!

Never feeling attached to anyone or anything

Reading. Not normal reading, but always having a book or my phone on me, ready to read whenever normal life felt like it was too much

Hypersexuality starting at age 8

Tampons never feeling comfortable, or my body physically rejecting them and pushing them out

Being scared to tell the truth, but also scared to lie. And therefore just saying "I don't know" to even the smallest things

Being afraid or adults or any form of authority, even other kids

Being scared of going to sleep, because i thought that I was going to die. But then being confused because I wanted to die, so why was I scared? (I was scared because I didn't want my younger sisters finding me dead, because I knew deep down that they would check on me before my parents ever would - found that out years later)

Forgetting that I had a baby sister when I was 5 years old (she was in a different foster home than my other sister and I. Luckly we were all adopted together)

Thinking that since my adoptive parents have never hit, touched, or neglected us I have no reason to complain about them, and I'm just being dramatic

Starring blankly at walls, or into space for minutes to hours at a time

being incredibly quiet one day, and then being super hyperactive and happy the next

Crying when angry, and then crying more because I'm trying to be mad not upset

Over-analyzing everyone's intentions, always thinking that people have ulterior motives for being nice

Knowing which family member is walking past my room by the sound of their footsteps.

[yourprobnowdumdum]

I love figuring out their dynamic

(pr*ship dni please)

[vital-information]

Depictions of CPTSD for people with CPTSD (instead of feeling like an after-school special)

“The child trapped in an abusive environment is faced with formidable tasks of adaptation. She must find a way to preserve a sense of trust in people who are untrustworthy, safety in a situation that is unsafe, control in a situation that is terrifyingly unpredictable, power in a situation of helplessness. Unable to care for or protect herself, she must compensate for the failures of adult care and protection with the only means at her disposal, an immature system of psychological defenses.” —Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terrorism

Lilo & Stitch (2002)

Avatar: the Last Airbender (2005-2008)

Nastume’s Book of Friends (2008-present)

Short Term 12 (2012)

Mr Robot (2015-2019)

She-Ra and the Princess of Power (2018-2020)

Shazam! (2019)

Kotaro Lives Alone (2021)

Bee and Puppycat: Lazy in Space (2022)

[halflingkima]

the brosca warden storyline is insane (affectionate) to me, and it's wild that I happened to choose it first.

I've not played through all the origins myself, but from what I gather in general, I think brosca has the least material effect on later material gameplay – all of the effect is in brosca's character choices/response, which is completely up to the player whether or not/how much to honor.

the 'dwarf commoner' origin title is misleading – brosca's casteless, classless, as low class as possible and fighting tooth and nail while being actively pushed lower. accepting the warden offer is the easiest choice in the world (even aside from escaping the dwarven death sentence) because it offers any level of respect as a person.

later, when they return to orzammar with the treaties, the city insists they were never born. there's record of their death: when they joined the grey wardens. according to orzammar, brosca's homeland, their origin – brosca did not exist until they became a grey warden, at which point they were considered deceased.

(on top of the official records at the shaperate, no npcs acknowledge that you're a dwarf, let alone from the city. you can speak – briefly – to your family, but they're the only ones who acknowledge your past. I found it frustrating while playing that the origin didn't affect much, but that affected my own gameplay; brosca's origin makes the political dilemma seem laughably simple.)

and then. when the archdemon is slain, whether or not brosca survives, they're made a paragon, which is akin to a dwarven god. brosca is immortalized in their people's mythology forever – the same people who refused to admit they existed until their legal death. (presumably bhelen minimizes or eradicates the caste system, but whether or not that takes –) the history of the paragon brosca will almost certainly erase their origin as a casteless dwarf. when, arguably, they wouldn't have become a paragon without that history.

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system has reactive attachment disorder]

[IMG ID: a light red rectangular box with a deep red outline with an icon of two hands around a small heart in a circle to the left, with the text 'this system has reactive attachment disorder' to the right.]

[TEXT ID: this system has reactive attachment disorder, but gets really attached once they consider you a friend]

[IMG ID: a light red rectangular box with a deep red outline with an icon of two hands around a small heart in a circle to the left, with the text 'this system has reactive attachment disorder, but gets really attached once they consider you a friend' to the right.]

–

Like & Reblog if you use!

(Reblogs can be private)

[into-wonderland-caroline]

03/12/24

Captain is taking a morning nap in what looks like some kind of very uncomfortable contortion pose...

[demonized-infodumps]

oh this is ther PERFECT place to talk about our rad:)

we have reactive attachment disorder. a "rare" and extremely conplicated trauma based anxiety disorder where a child does not form a healthy relationship with their parent due to neglect or trauma.

i. fucking. hate. how i am PROFESSIONALLY RECOGNIZED, and NO ONE FUCKING ACCOMODATES FOR ME. no one has EMPATHY, no one UNDERSTANDS, they just get fucking PISSED OFF AT ME because I CANT DO WHAT THEY WANT ME TO.

my therapist constantly asks me how im feeling or what this and that makes me feel. and i cant fucking respond. because literally a huge part of RAD is that i cannot understand my own and others emotions.

the things people expect me to be? they expect me to be normal, they expect me not to be mean. but i am. i push other people away because people with RAD struggle to form and keep relationships, i hiss and snap and i always have and no one thought that that was strange. they expect me to be normal, and that i CHOOSE to struggle in social situations to such a high degree

this was a ramble im not bothering to reread so it may just make no sense

[We do not have RAD as a tag on our blog, would you like us to add it?]

[mons7errr]

i want to make a long-winded heartfelt post about all the things i want in a relationship but everyone's just gonna reblog and say "mood" and not understand my point like it's cool that you relate but i am a wolf and you are a dog. you have the ability to go out and form a relationship like this. i can't develop attachment and i cannot love the way i want to. no matter how hard i try there will always be a key piece missing from my life and you do not understand it unless you have experienced it. i have never felt fulfilled in any relationship, friendship or intimate or otherwise, and i never will.

it's discouraging to post anymore because as much as i love the attention i can't shake the feeling that everyone thinks i'm relatable and i'm really not. i am alone in this experience and people who are actually like me often avoid each other because we get jealous of each other's pain.

[jerichoes]

going to make a complicated gifset for nels. it will get 5 notes but i feel like i need one, idk.

[capriddle]

To recap, I diagnosed Voldemort with:

Philophobia (fear of loving and being loved);

Antisocial Personality Disorder;

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

I'm basically becoming Voldemort's psychologist😂😂😂. Jokes aside, I truly believe that these diagnoses could not only fit him but explain many of his behaviors, making him a very complex and realistic villain. I don't rule out finding other possible diagnoses in the future but for now this is the picture I have of him.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

[thru-the-looking-glass-caroline]

You don't believe it can happen to you - I didn't either...

...Health problems I have to live with caused by the 8 years I struggled with anorexia and orthorexia[and never believed I was "sick enough" for it to happen to me].

I want to preface this post by saying 2 things; First, this post will talk some about eating disorders, although nothing detailed and I will not ever post numbers or anything more obviously upsetting, I do still want to give that warning so if this topic might upset or cause problems for you, do what is good for you and don't continue reading this. Second, I am not a medical or mental health professional. I have no degrees of any kind so this post, like all my others, is purely my experiences, opinions and what I have learned from my doctors over the years. You've been warned now on to the real content/topic...

The past few weeks there has been these nagging thoughts and feelings of some regrets and anger and sadness about how much of my physical health alone eating disorders took from me. I can't go back to change anything but it is something that makes me angry how deceived and distorted someone who is in the depths of an eating disorder can be. For a little back story I struggled with Orthorexia and anorexia for 8 years. The behaviors & obsessions began when I was only 7 years old and I was diagnosed with Orthorexia at age 8 and given a second diagnosis of anorexia at age 10. I stayed in these disorders until I was 15 & only then did I actively pursue and work for recovery. I'm happy to say I have maintained that recovery and a healthy weight since, however, a lot of damage was already done to my body by the time I was 15 and unfortunately much of it was not reversed so I live with many physical health problems caused by anorexia and Orthorexia.

Like many who struggle with eating disorders I was, at different points, told about and warned of the damage it could do to my body, the possible long term consequences of continuing in my disorders. Also like many who struggle with eating disorders I shrugged off these warnings and facts. In my mind none of it would happen to me because I never saw myself as a "sick enough " orthorexic and anorexic to warrant such complications. Now, were there and are there people struggling with eating disorders whose cases would be called more severe and critical than me - yes of course and that is kind of the point- this idea people who struggle with eating disorders have that they have to be the sickest, skinniest, closest to death's door anorexic or orthorexic or whatever to have long term health problems from it or to deserve help or die from their disease is a complete garbage dumpster fire of lies and bullshit! It's not a competition and comparison will destroy! With an eating disorder it will never be enough until it kills you...you will not win anything ‐ or be smiled on, applauded, or envied for dying so thin. No one who knew you will remember you after your death and speak fondly, joyfully or boast about how sick and thin you were. It will not be a positive, admirable, inspiring, happy legacy you will leave if you die sick because of an eating disorder. Your loved ones will suffer, they will be angry about your sickness, angry that you couldn't believe you were sick enough/warranted help. They will be sad and grief stricken and wonder what they could have done differently. They will blame themselves. It's harsh, morbid and very depressing but it is the truth of the legacy you will leave if your eating disorder kills you because you weren't thin enough, sick enough, and you didn't believe any of it could happen to you. You won't die happy and fulfilled because you are thin and sick, you will die depressed, scared, anxious, tortured, and weak just as you were in the eating disorder that deceived you pushing you to hold on to and continue your behaviors, always promising you will be happy when but continually moving that goal- keeping it out of reach because it's never enough with an eating disorder. It's a lie!

Talking to my doctors, I have learned that a good portion of my heart problems were caused by/at least partially caused by years of starvation, malnutrition and stress from my eating disorders. These heart issues include: my heart murmur, mitral valve prolapse and mitral valve regurgitation(which I had to have heart surgery for last year), bradycardia, and thin heart walls! This accounts for every heart health problem I have besides one...it makes me cringe with regret, anger and sadness just to know that.

Anorexia and Orthorexia also caused the irreversible damage and basically shut down of my reproductive system meaning I am sterile/infertile...can not have children. Because I began struggling with eating disorders so young, becoming sick and emaciated/malnourished so quickly and basically remaining in that state or in a declining state for 8 years I have not ever had a period or menstrual cycle and I will not ever due to the damage to my reproductive system. This also caused problems with my bone density and I have osteopenia (basically the beginning stage of osteoporosis) and eventually that will progress into full osteoporosis. I also have permanent damage to my liver caused by my eating disorders.

I hate that I caused so much of my own health struggles and problems and as a result cause my family worry for my health, my well being, and my future. Not to mention the experiences, relationships, strength, health, life, personality, adventure, discovery, zeal, joy, love, rest, dreams the eating disorders took from me and I can't go back and have them.

I am a dancer. Dance is my biggest passion in life and some day I won't be able to dance anymore because the permanent damage and health problems from my eating disorders will end it. My bones will be too brittle and weak to leap and turn and hold a pose, have correct technique. My heart could get weaker- more stressed in time and I will have dance taken from me. I won't be able to follow that dream, to perform. The consequences of eating disorders reach my entire life and that is and/or can be the reality for anyone with an eating disorder who doesn't believe it will happen to them - who doesn't see themselves as sick enough. I did not see it or believe it either and yet this is my reality.

[small-but-mightyy]

the stigma around adoption needs to be talked about

The lack of education surrounding the grievous impacts of adoption is unsettling, especially during a time where many originally misunderstood topics are being de-stigmatized (mental health, disability, the LGBT community, non-conforming identity, etc…)

As an adoptee I am so tired of uneducated people telling me how I should feel about my adoption, as if I don’t have a say in the matter of my own experiences.

There are so many topics I could dive into, but I am going to focus on the mental health aspect because I feel like it widely applies to many adoptee experiences.

Adoptees are so often misunderstood. Being told things like “you’re so lucky to be adopted” and “you should be grateful for having such generous parents” is so damaging and manipulative. Adoption isn’t automatically some magical experience where kids are rescued to live an amazing life in which they are eternally grateful and unconditionally loved. In many cases, this is far from the truth.

Our mental health, no matter what age the adoption takes place, is extremely stigmatized. It’s clear in media when adopted children are shown to cause harm to their adoptive families because they are “troubled”, or when an adopted character is displayed as an outsider who is bullied for being “different”. Not to mention the “I wish I was adopted” comment or people joking around and saying “you must be adopted” to make someone feel less-than.

Many adoptees experience developmental delays during childhood. Disorganized attachment can be a common symptom in adopted children, but instead of it being recognized as trauma it is labeled with the (extremely offensive term) “adopted child syndrome”. This comes with the idea that adopted children are “troubled” solely from being adopted. This is commonly applied to the symptom of oppositional defiance caused by major disruptions in early childhood development. Children displaying clear symptoms of disorganized attachment and trauma are often dismissed because of the stigma that we must be “troubled” solely due to our adoptive status. Our trauma is very rarely recognized or taken seriously. I was blamed by a psychiatrist when I was ten years old for having episodes due to my disorganized attachment (which was unknown at the time). He assumed that my SI, depression, anxiety, rage, etc… were caused by my adoptive title, not the trauma I experienced as an orphan and as a child raised in an abusive home. The psychiatrist concluded that I just had “anger issues” and I was dismissed without any help. When we are blamed for something that is completely out of control, how are we supposed to feel safe around the people who label us as the problem? Then comes the stigma that adopted children are always distant and disconnected from their adoptive families, but I won’t go into that because this post is already long enough.

I think I made my point clear enough. Adoptees are so commonly misunderstood that we don’t feel safe being honest about our experiences. We end up hiding our authenticity because others cannot handle the ugly truth that comes with adoption. Our voices need to be heard.