#reacting fairly rationally to the actual disappearance .

[hoofpeet]

Emmet having a delayed reaction to Ingo disappearing and only having a breakdown when he encounters a comparatively small problem

[kohakuarisaka]

Untamed (chapter 2 of 5)

Takami Keigo x (fem!)Reader

[ SUMMARY ] Every year, without fail, Hawks went into a rut: when autumn began, and then again in early spring. He would honker down up north in a secluded cabin. For the first time, he brought you with him.

[ WARNINGS ] R18+ for graphic sexual content and language. Non-canon compliant: Hawks’ quirk does not work like this. Reader is a hero that works at Hawks agency. Pre-existing relationship. Reader is a female with female genitalia. Feral behavior. Rutting. Biting. Spanking. Slight BDSM. Consensual sex. Wing kink. Oral sex. Romantic relationship.

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5

[ My BNHA Fanfic Masterlist ] ~ [ Also on my AO3 ]

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As it turned out, 'secluded cabin' was a pretty accurate statement.

Hawks had arranged for a very discreet hero taxi service to drive you the 5-hour trip from Musutafu to a quaint mountainous village that was so small and quiet, you almost doubted it was even on the map.

Past the snowy village, through the winding roads and towering trees, over a bridge, past a frozen lake, and then some miles off the main road, tucked away in a small clearing, was a beautiful cabin.

While the days were steadily growing warmer as spring rapidly approached, it still snowed at night. The snow had melted off the trees from the warmth of the midday sun; but, there was still a light blanket of white on the rooftop and across the surrounding grounds.

There were no poles lining the street, nothing that could bring electricity to the house; however, you could see what was likely a generator tucked away in the back. Someone had propped the cover off and cleaned out the snow.

At that sight, it became obvious that Hawks had beat you here. He already taken to clearing the snow out of the entry way as well, exposing a beautiful cobblestone pathway.

You exited the vehicle and retrieved your bags from the trunk. The very second you closed the hatch, the driver made a speedy exit, wheels skidding in the snow as they backed out before doing a sharp U-turn and barreling down the road.

Luckily, the entrance to the cabin opened before you could worry that you had just been abandoned in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough, Hawks stepped out, wild blonde locks brushed back, a little fluffier than usual due to the change in humidity.

Despite how cold it was, he was wearing a black tank top and loose, light grey sweat pants. He even stepped out onto the cold stone pathway with bare feet. Yet, with a light flush to his skin, he didn't look cold at all.

You had been making a face when he approached, and he offered an explanation, uttering, "I told 'em not to linger. It's suspicious."

Some large plumes departed his wingspan and grabbed at your luggage, one even pulling your shoulder bag off your back. They whipped away, bags in tow, and zipped past Hawks and through the doorway, disappearing into the cabin.

The winged hero didn't immediately usher you inside, as he usually did in these types of situations, but arched over you suddenly, arms bringing you into a tight embrace while his lips captured yours.

The sudden closeness forced your back to arch. Unconsciously, your hands fell onto his barely clothed shoulders, and you felt how warm he was. If you didn't know any better, you would have thought he was running a fever.

The kiss was brief, but uncharacteristically messy, not that you were complaining. It was a kiss of longing, like he had missed you dearly, as if it had been months and not a day and a half.

He pulled back, a distant, albeit blissful, look on his face. His eyelids sagged as if he was tired, but the gold of his iris was bright and his pupils were focused.

"I didn't get to clean yet, but - ugh - do you wanna see inside?" he asked, some slight nervousness to his tone.

"Yeah," you breathed.

Hawks stepped aside and you gently brushed past him and stepped inside. The wood floors creaked softly beneath your feet as you crossed the threshold. Immediately, you were hit with a wonderful scent, earthy, like tree bark, but sweet, like raw honey.

It was a decent sized cabin, spacious and not heavily furnished. The kitchen was on the small side, but seemingly to accommodate a larger living room.

As Hawks had warned, there was a thin layer of dust all across the wood floors. The furniture was covered by clear tarps, shielding them from the debris.

The dining area tucked away in the corner had a chabudai in place of a western style table. It was small and clearly only intended for two people. You had a feeling it was new, considering how spotless it looked compared to the rest of the cabin.

A huge, stone fireplace rested against the north wall, surrounded by large windows that gave a beautiful view of the outside. They were adorned with heavy curtains, pulled back to let the sunlight in.

Hawks was lingering, following close, staring down at you as you walked around and took in the sight of the place. When your eyes landed on him, and you caught his unblinking stare, you realized he was awaiting feedback.

It startled you a little, for Hawks wasn't the kind to fuss over these sorts of things; but, you had a decent enough understanding of what a rut was to know what was going through his head.

"Relax, birdbrain," you cooed, reaching up to tap gently at his cheek with a closed palm. That seemed to knock him out of his stupor, for he blinked and suddenly looked sheepish. He flickered his gold eyes away, as if to give you space.

"I love it," you praised, looking back into the living area. "Cozy, and smells nice."

You heard him exhale a relieved sigh through his nostrils.

"We should get to work. Where's the cleaning stuff?" you asked, peeling your jacket off.

"Oh. I'll-" he began.

"You'll let me help," you interrupted him gently.

When you turned back to face him, and saw the bewildered expression he was wearing, you wondered if maybe that wasn't the right thing to fit with his current state.

"Unless that's... bad?" you offered uncertainly, shoulders sagging.

Hawks laughed suddenly at the sunken expression on your face, as if the joyous sound came sputtering out against his will.

"No," he answered softly, leaning in suddenly for another kiss, as if he couldn't help it. You didn't get a chance to kiss back before he was retreating.

"Don't change," he sighed. "I want you as you, not as my..."

"-subservient housewife?" you offered, just a little teasing.

He chuckled softly, breathing out a harsh, "fuck, no."

Hawks maneuvered around you and headed for what you guessed was a supply closet. Inside, the cleaning gear was also neatly packaged in containers and safe from dust.

It made sense, how neatly arranged everything was. Hawks was a fairly neat person; but, it was also clear that he had this whole thing down, neatly tuned and properly sorted out. He had been coming here for years, after all.

This place was special to him. That much was clear.

The two of you started to dusting and sweeping, followed by a diligent mopping, with the two of you working in tandem.

Hawks was fairly quiet during the whole ordeal, seemingly focused sternly on the task at hand. It had been his nest for years. This was hardly anything new; but, it was now going to be yours, too.

He didn't tell you that he had been worried he would react negatively to your presence. He didn't always react rationally during this time. Seemingly average things would sometimes irritate him, and a part of the possessive onslaught included this abode.

Fortunately, that hadn't been the case. Cleaning the cabin with you was soothing. He wasn't unaware of the obvious implication: that you were preparing a nest together, your shared nest. He didn't say it aloud, but you had come to that realization, as well.

It had actually calmed him quite a bit. He had been on edge before you arrived, skin prickled with heat and sweating unreasonably considering the cold. Those weren't abnormal during his ruts; but, it felt intensified with that knowledge that you were going to be here.

Darkness swept across the forest as the hours dragged on. Luckily, you were just about finished by the time it got dark.

There was a neat stack of firewood arranged on a carrier near the fireplace, making you wonder if that was what he had worked on before your arrival. The logs looked freshly cut and heavy.

Crimson feathers delivered logs to the hearth. Hawks retrieved a set of matches from a cubby near the carrier and then kneeled before the hearth. He set one of the matches ablaze and carefully ignited the firewood arranged in the pit.

Warmth and light flooded the cabinet. Plumes gathered along the edges of the curtains and pulled them back, covering the windows. When they returned to his wingspan, he stepped back and monitored the fire briefly.

While cleaning, you had learned there was a cellar and partial second story, as well as an indoor bathroom. It seemed that the main use of the generator was to power the water heater and indoor plumbing.

The cellar was small, down a short flight of stairs, with concrete floors and walls, the perfect size for containing a month's worth of food and supplies, far more than was necessary for just a week.

The second story was a loft that oversaw the living room, giving a great view of the fireplace. There was no safety railing on the upstairs, likely for the very obvious fact that Hawks could fly. There was, at least, a staircase.

Upstairs, there was a large bed frame with a plush mattress, wrapped up tight to protect from dust, a large chest pressed up against the wall, and a desk without a chair.

After he removed the bed cover, you watched Hawks pull neatly folded blankets and pillow cases out the chest. It was fascinating to see someone, who normally slept wherever his body landed, so meticulously prepare the bedding: layers and layers of blankets, followed by dressing the pillows and laying them out.

It was especially perplexing because of the intense, concentrated look on his face. He had been so focused that he hadn't even realized that you had paused what you were doing to watch him.

Luckily, you caught yourself staring before he did, and shuffled back downstairs before he could notice.

A sudden howling had startled you, before a sharp wind rattled against the shutters. Something was thumping gently against the roof and when the wind picked up, you could almost hear the trees shuddering outside.

"It's snowing," Hawks observed, suddenly at your side.

You could see a glimpse of crimson in the corner of your eye, and realized he had a wing fanned out around you, not quite close enough to touch, but hovering. Maybe, he hadn't even realized he was doing that.

"Oh," you answered quietly.

Together, you prepared dinner, settling for a classic favorite of his: yakitori chicken and stir fry noodles.

Eating dinner together, and talking about nothing, made you realize, it had been the first time in a long time, if ever, that you hadn't discussed work: nothing about the agency, nothing about heroes or villains, nothing about police business or missions.

It was just senseless conversations that amounted to nothing.

The dining table was small and the floor was cold; but, your hands brushed constantly due to the lack of space. It made you realize that you had longed to have this type of moment with him, something so utterly domestic.

"I know it's not super late," Hawks began, on his way to the kitchen with the dirty plates. "But, I'm gonna wake you up early; so, let's get to bed, okay?"

His voice was soft, surprisingly drowsy, you realized, and he continued, "it's - well, there's something I wanna show you, and it looks best in the sunrise."

He had started the dishes before you could; so, you stepped in close, deciding to tease him a little.

"I bet you do look best in the sunrise," you uttered, leaning against the counter top near the sink, where he had busied his hands. He was looking away from you; but, you could see his lip twitch into a faint smile.

Hawks laughed, a low chuckle that rumbled through his chest. "Not me," he replied softly. Yet, he found himself feeling enamored with the knowledge that that was where your mind had wandered first.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" you offered, standing upright and shifting away from the counter.

"Nah," he replied simply. "I'll join ya' in a bit."

You changed into your pajamas, brushed your teeth and pulled your hair back, before heading upstairs. Blankets and pillows were stacked high on top of the mattress, making the bedframe disappear beneath it.

It not only looked incredibly warm, but incredibly soft, and an inspection with your hand, smoothing over the surface, confirmed that. There were several pillows pressed against the headboard and even more at the foot of the bed.

If you hadn't seen him arrange it, you would have doubted it was even Hawks' bed. From the glimpses you had seen into his life, he was a minimalist.

His office at the agency was fairly large, but looked almost comical with the lack of furniture in it. He wasn't one to buy much of anything outside of perishables.

"Take those off."

You had heard that commanding tone many times before; but, in the peace and serenity of this cabin, it startled you. Your shoulders twitched a little and you turned to face him, having not heard Hawks approach.

His gold eyes were glaring at your body, shifting up to meet your gaze when you turned to face him.

You gawked back at him, dumbfounded by his boldness, and a little intrigued, if you were being honest. He had warned you about this, and you were about to comply when his dark expression suddenly softened.

"Oh fuck," Hawks blurted, embarrassment washing over his face. The intensity of the moment dissipated and you found yourself unable to hold back a faint smile at the way his face so rapidly changed from anger to shame.

"Shit - I - sorry - ugh," he stammered, some redness tinting the tops of his ears. His dominant hand came up and ruffled his hair. "That was messed up. Ah - what I mean is, can we sleep naked?"

It was clear he wasn't embarrassed about the request, but the way that he had asked. You couldn't hold back a soft chuckle at his frazzled state.

"Of course," you uttered, and began shedding your clothes.

He was staring at your nudity as if it wasn't something he had seen many times before, as if his hands and mouth hadn't explored every inch of skin, hadn't touched and claimed parts of you your own hands couldn't reach.

It made you feel powerful, beautiful.

"Did you brush your teeth?" you asked, knocking him out of his stupor.

He didn't respond, but made a face that gave you your answer. He turned away then, and hopped over the edge of the loft, floating down into the lower floor, and scurried off to the bathroom.

Promptly, you disappeared beneath the blankets, shivering from the cold, skin prickled with goosebumps. You were about to scold yourself for complying with him so eagerly, without demanding a compromise, mainly that you expected him to warm you up.

Luckily, it didn't take him long to join you, and you suddenly felt a very warm, and very naked, body slot into the space behind you, wiggling beneath the blankets. It was almost concerning how warm he was, like he had just flung himself into the hearth before running back over here.

You rolled onto your back to greet him and Hawks wasted no time slotting over you, tangling legs, arms falling on either side of your head. Wispy bangs fell over his forehead, longer strands catching on his eyebrows.

Your eyes peered over his shoulders, where you could see his wings were fanned out above him, plumes stretched wide, looming possessively. When your gaze shifted to his face, your breath hitched.

His stare was hypnotizing, as if he couldn't believe you were here, gold eyes practically glowing in the dimly lit loft.

It made you sad to think just your presence alone had pleased him so much, whereas nothing else had yet to occur. It made you think of all the years he had to endure this alone, the loneliness far more straining than the lack of a pliant body.

"Hey," he began, voice hoarse, distant.

His dominant hand shifted from the bed to cup your cheek, thumb gently prodding at your cheek bone. Just like the rest of his body, his hand was so warm.

"I know I said I wouldn't let you leave," he explained, fingers sliding carefully across your temple. "But, if you want to, at any time, I'll call the taxi and-"

You leaned up, taking his lips in a gentle kiss to silence him. He moaned into the kiss, clearly surprised by your interruption. His hand departed your face, lowering to caress the side of your neck.

When you pulled back, he chased, not letting you depart from him quite so quickly. The kiss carried on for a short while, Hawks only leaning back when he was satisfied.

"No," you disagreed in a soft hum, hands rising to push strands of his hair out of his face. "I'm not leaving. We're going through this together. Okay?"

He let out a sigh that fluttered across your cheeks. "Okay," he agreed, as if he couldn't believe it.

Hawks shifted until he was lying beside you, one arm loose around your waist. You turned a little to lay on your side and lean into him, cheek falling comfortably into the pillow beneath your head, and felt him nuzzle into your back, bringing you as close as he could without ruining your comfort.

One of his wings folded carefully over you while the other sprawled out across the bed. The light from the fire just barely reached the loft, an amber glow that flickered with the dancing flames.

The sounds of the gentle snowfall outside was a little louder upstairs. One of the nearby windows rattled softly, trembling weakly from the breeze that shook the shutters. The rafters above creaked occasionally in melodic hums.

Behind you, Hawks' chest undulated with his breathing, moving against the skin of your back. His wings shifted ever so slightly in harmony with the expansion and shrinking of his lungs. The longer plumes on the ends twitched occasionally.

"Keigo?" you whispered.

He didn't answer. Judging by the way his arm had slackened where it rested over your waist, you figured he had fallen asleep already.

The bedding was soft, and you had no doubt that he had washed them diligently; yet, mingled with the earthy tones of the cabin, they smelt like him. The hearth crackled distantly, the sound a faint echo through the cabin.

It didn't take long to slip away.

• • •

• • •

Sometime in the middle of the night, you were woken by a strange sound. In your groggy state, it sounded like a distant animal cooing into the night.

Once you properly came to, you realized the warmth against your back had retreated. The blanket had been partially ripped away in the process, leaving the skin of your back exposed to the cold air of the cabin.

What had sounded far away you now realized was coming from right behind you, pained little noises and harsh wheezing. You rolled over to take in the sight of Hawks, blindly reaching for him in a moment of panic.

Worry struck you when your skin touched his. He had already been warm to the touch before; but now, his skin felt scorching, sticky with sweat. Your hand had landed on his chest, where you could feel his muscles rapidly rising and falling with each staggering breath.

The noise that had woken you became obvious then; he was panting, sharp and labored breaths that whooshed in and out of him, occasionally accompanied with a quiet, pained sound.

He had shoved the blankets away and was laying on his back, wings tucked in uncomfortably tight beneath him. Through the faint glow of warm light from the fireplace, you could see his chest raising and falling rapidly, head tossed back, face contorted in pain. Some strands of blonde locks were clinging to the sweat soaked skin on his face.

"Keigo - Keigo," you called to him, hands rising to his shoulders so you could shake him.

It wasn't until he jerked suddenly, eyes opening and head whipping towards you, that you realized he had been sleeping. His labored breathing intensified, but only for a second, before he started to calm down.

His gold eyes were glossy for a second, staring at you blindly, before he started to wake properly. His lips were parted, sharp breaths still escaping him in harsh wisps.

"Are you okay?" you whispered harshly. "Are you sick? You look-..."

You could see a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. Now, with him leaning up a little, you could see the flush of red tinting his skin, all down his chest and across his cheeks. His shoulder muscles were tight and his wings twitched helplessly beneath him.

"I'm f-fine," Hawks answered, voice low and hoarse. He swallowed roughly. "It's - it's a n-normal side effect."

"You're burning up," you hissed, hands touching his skin so carefully, like you would hurt him if you were too rough. "Are you sure you're okay?" you insisted.

"Just need-" he growled, cutting off as he tried to sit up.

His movement had repositioned your hands, causing them to drag from his shoulders to his chest, less you lose stability and collapse on top of him.

It was a familiar touch, a place you had touched him many times before; yet, he froze suddenly, gaze shifting down to your hands as if they were grounding him to this plane of existence.

Hawks' gold eyes fluttered shut and his pained expression softened. He flopped back on the bed, giving up his attempt to sit up as if he had suddenly lost all strength in his body.

Catching on, you uttered into the cold air, "is that what you need? Keigo, do you want me to-"

"Yes," he answered sharply, hissing through the cold, chilled air. He sounded relieved, thankful that you had offered before he had to ask.

"God, fuck - I - I need you, need to - to - be inside you-"

His babbling briefly ceased when you pushed the blankets off yourself and rolled on top of him, a gesture you had done many times before, now a nearly perfect art.

You watched, hypnotized as Hawks arched his back off the bed and flexed his wings until they were sprawled out on either side of him. The beautiful crimson plumes stretched out across the sheets, shuddering in faint waves that matched his heavy breathings.

In the shift, his cock became pinned against your inner thigh. If you didn't known any better, you would have thought he was prodding you with an iron rod pulled straight from the fires of a forge.

It was unbearably hot, hard as steel and painfully poking against your flesh. You could feel his heartbeat through his cock, throbbing against you as if pleading to be touched.

Arousal had never struck you this hard before, with enough force that it made your never regions throb and chest tighten. Blood rushed to your face so quickly, you briefly feared you would pass out.

Now, hovering, looking down at him, it was almost unbearable. It was clear that Hawks was in pain, and you felt a tinge of guilt at the realization that his state had aroused you.

But, the truth was, he looked stunning.

Maybe it was the red flush staining his skin, or the glisten of sweat, shiny with the reflection of the fire burning in the hearth. Maybe it was the way his gold eyes practically glowed through the darkness, staring up at you like a starving predator, glaring with dangerous intent.

Some sort of inhuman growl escaped him and Hawks grabbed at your meaty hips, roughly pulling you forward. It didn't take you long to figure out what he was doing; but, your attempts to aid were waisted, for he simply dragged you down to his liking, until the heat of your sex collided with his face ungracefully.

The first thing you registered was his mouth kissing sloppily at your sex. His tongue followed, lapping at your folds impatiently before breaching your heat. Hawks was always the kind to give sloppy oral; but, this was something else entirely.

He moaned shamelessly when his tongue registered your taste, hips rising off the bed as if attempting to chase a sensation that wasn't there.

Your hands fall onto the wall, and you tried to keep yourself up; but, he wasn't having it, growling and pulling you back down. It was difficult to not go dead weight when his tongue was lapping at your walls, mouth suctioned around your entrance like he was trying to suck juices from a ripe fruit.

One of your hands weaved through his hair, gently massaging his scalp in a praising gesture. It was difficult to get out sensible words. Instead, you moaned broken pieces of his name, thighs trembling on either side of his head.

You had no idea how much time had passed before he seemed satisfied and finally lifted you up enough to remove his mouth. The wet gasp that escaped him, suggesting he had been holding his breath, riddled you with shameful lust.

"You made a mess," Hawks observed deliriously.

He sounded immensely pleased with himself and even leaned in to take another taste, this time honing in on your pearl. You felt more than heard his pleased chuckle when you whined at the sudden touch.

This time, when he pulled away, he let you retreat. As you shimmied down his body, you caught him wiping your essence off his face with a careful finger before popping it in his mouth.

Hawks' skin was still flushed red, all the way up to his ears; but, now, he looked damn smug to top it all off. You couldn't see the look you were wearing, but you knew by the heat on your face that it was lewd.

The cold of the cabin had been lost to you, especially when you positioned your hips over his and felt the head of his cock nuzzle at your entrance, threatening to breach your core.

Hawks' head fell back into the sheets with a whine, eyes squeezing shut. Tantalized by the sight, you intended to tease him a little; however, he nudged his hips forward with a sudden jerk, effortlessly impaling you on his cock, and taking that opportunity away.

"Ohhh, fuck!" Hawks shouted before sucking his bottom lip beneath his teeth. He released it after letting out a low hiss.

You closed your own eyes for a moment, adjusting to the sudden intrusion of his impressive girth, and felt his hands slowly slide up your thighs into the dips of your hips, slotting over a spot he had practically engraved for himself ever since this began.

When your eyes opened, you looked down and took in the deliriously beautiful look on his face. His thumbs nudged your hip bones pleadingly and his eyes opened, peering up at you through dark lashes.

Forgoing any thoughts about teasing, you planted your hands on his chest and rolled your hips. The motion punched a whine out of him. The sound drawled out into a growl when you kept the rhythm, chasing your own pleasure.

"Yeah," he hummed encouragingly. "Come on. Use me. Fuck yourself on my cock. Just like - ahh - fuck..."

You hardly needed the encouragement; but, the dirty words spewing from his lips further ignited the heat in your belly, and you whined in response.

He could have easily pulled your hips down to intensify the moment. Instead, he lifted his hips off the bed to meet yours, effortlessly matching your movement and chasing the delicious warmth and wetness of your core, while letting his hands hold you gently.

"Baby, do you feel good?" Hawks uttered lowly, his pleading question gently breaking through the moment.

"Y-ye-s, Kei - go," you sobbed, stuttering out your response and groaning halfway through his name.

It was always good; but, something about this moment made it more intense than ever before. You could already feel the sensation rising, thighs trembling every time his cock slid back inside, hitting the perfect spot again and again.

"Yeah?" he hummed, sounding so breathless and fucked out, despite you having just barely begun. "You feel good, so fucking good," he praised between labored pants and low moans.

"You're so fucking good to me," Hawks babbled on, head falling back into the sheets, where he closed his eyes. You watched his adam's apple bob, noticed how tight his jaw was clenched.

A growl vibrated through his chest, followed by a breathless sympathy of curses, "oh fuck - oh fuck. Come on, fuck my cock - yeah - ahhh. Ya' hear that? Those sounds. God, you're so f-fucking perfect."

Your union was loud, skin slapping together and wet, fleshy sounds echoing between the two of you.

His dominant hand released your hip and slid around, thumb prodding between your folds and seeking out your pearl. You were already so sensitive, feeling him so deep, teetering on the edge. When his calloused skin touched that spot, you let out a cry.

"Come on this cock," Hawks groaned. "Sooo close - f-fuck. Come on. Come for me. Fucking come. Gonna fill you up. You want that? My seed. Yeah you fucking d-hnn-"

His babbling ceased when your orgasm took you, the sudden spasms and fluttering of your walls making all sensible thoughts drain from his mind.

His hand returned to your hip, fingers gripping your waist, and he started roughly dragging you up and down to meet his thrusts. You went limp, letting him bounce you on his cock to your liking. Your hands slipped off his chest and you fell onto him, forehead knocking gently against his cheek.

You could hear him huffing and grunting, the occasional growl seeping through, right into your ear as he fucked you through your orgasm, and continued on, chasing his end.

His cock throbbed, firmly enough that you felt it and the sensation startled you a little; but, that thought was lost when he let out an uncharacteristically loud shout, crying out in ecstasy.

Hawks had always been loud; but, this was something else entirely, and the moans and growls didn't stop, along with his undulating hips, for what felt like an eternity.

To top it all off, you could feel it, spurts of his seed, burning hot as it filled you. In the corner of your eye, you could make out his feathers, each and every one trembling beneath him.

Then, finally, he went still.

Hawks' panting filled the room, almost loud enough to drown out the crackling of the fireplace. Even after his panting died down, he let out quiet groans, his orgasm having not yet waned in full.

Eventually, he turned his head and pressed a wet kiss against your cheek. You turned your head to meet him, at first catching the corner of his mouth before he angled his head to kiss you properly.

You could practically feel the praises behind each kiss, thank you's and love pouring from his mouth to yours in a nonverbal gesture. His hands ran up and down your back, massaging your skin but also ensuring that you didn't move and he remained deep inside you.

When he finally released your lips, you busied your hands with his wild mane, gently pushing strands away from his face. He seemed to like the preening, letting his eyes flutter shut and head fall back.

You didn't have to ask if he was feeling better. His all-body, harsh red blush had mellowed out and he wasn't panting like a parched dog.

You hadn't realized you were still trembling until he uttered, "it's okay," in a soothing, worried voice.

His hands shifted to your thighs, where he carefully pushed them back and rolled you onto your side, keeping his cock nuzzled deep. His arms wound around your back, bringing you into an embrace while his wings stretched out behind him before sagging comfortably to the bed.

You realized, as he brought you in, that you were still shaking a little. The worry was evident in his eyes, like he had done something wrong.

"D-do you want me to pull out?" he offered in a weak voice.

"It's not that," you replied softly. "That was... intense."

When your eyes locked with his gold orbs, and he took in the sight of your expression, it seemed to steadily become clear to him, what you were feeling. His lips sought our your skin, senselessly kissing whatever he could reach, all over your cheeks, down your chin and along the expansion of your throat.

Hawks’ head fell onto the pillow and his wispy blonde hair tangled with yours. The unease began to fade away as he held you close, bringing the blanket back over your forms when his intense heat finally started to wane. So did the spell, and something concerning struck him.

"Please, tell me if it gets too intense," Hawks uttered, breath fluttering out against your temple. “I’ll-...”

He cut himself because he wasn’t quite what he would do, what he could do. Could he stop? In this moment of clear thoughts, he sure hoped so. But, part of him feared that wasn’t true, and the last thing he wanted was to lie to you about what he was capable of.

You had figured that he had yet to hit the apex of his rut. Yet, his warnings hadn't frightened you in the slightest, especially after what had just occurred. If anything, you were enticed by it. Maybe, in some strange way, it was affecting you to.

"I can handle you," you promised.

You felt more so than heard the uneasy breath that stuttered out his nostrils. Your words stirred something deep in his gut, overcoming the fear, burning arousal and adoration.

[obeymeluv]

Hi lovely! I’m not sure if your requests are open but I just worked out for the first time since ive gotten super depressed! It might not be that big of a deal but can I get some geadcannons on how the brothers would react to this? (: (their lover working out for the first time in months because of their mental illness)

I respect this so hard and am super proud of you. I have similar struggles so it always makes me happy to see someone able to get back up. Good job :) These headcanons will be short because I’m getting ready for bed and have to get into school mode, but here you go! ♥ 

Lucifer

It wasn’t uncommon for him to wake you up, or even gently start the day by sitting at your bedside and whispering sweet nothings

He opens the door soundlessly, as always, and is quite surprised to see you in the middle of doing a yoga series. Thankfully, your back is to the door

Pride blossoms in his chest and, for the first time, it doesn’t feel heavy like the burden of his sin

It’s warm and joyful and feels like an old memory of the Celestial Realm, a call back to happier days

His eyes mist over a bit but no one can confirm it

Lucifer is a perfect, beautiful statue that watches for a few poses before slowly inching back towards the doorway to peek around the corner

Pretends like he never saw anything when you go about the rest of your day, but is absolutely glowing when he looks at you.

Lavishes you in his fancy praise, as always. (”You look enchanting, my love. Simply radiant today.”)

Mammon

He’ll deny it to the day he dies, but he craves your company.

Actually, he’s more likely to admit it when you’re in a depressive episode because you’re tender and vulnerable and that’s how he really is when he lets his guard down. That’s when people need the most love, and you’ve put him back together so much that he wants to repay the favor 1,000x fold

Mammon’s very surprised to see you running careful laps up one set of stairs and down the set on the other end of the hallway (that explains why it took him so long to find you).

It’s like speed walking. He watches for a lap and a half to make sure you’re not rushing off anywhere. You know, making sure nothing’s serious

When he realizes you’re exercising in earnest he’s super stoked. Like, #1 hype man.

“That’s my human! Yeah!” Mammon becomes your cheerleader

Drops sly comments about how it’s actually a good glute workout and he’ll give you a massage afterwards

Keeps up with you more than you’d expect (models train hard, okay?) but does get bored. Maintains cheer position

Carries you around the rest of the day when your legs are sore

Levi

Levi had to do a fair bit of research on depression when he realized you weren’t converting to being a fellow otaku shut-in

The two of you still enjoyed cuddle times, and sometimes he could engage you in games, but the health of his beloved was important! Humans couldn’t be without exercise for too long or it would be bad for them

It’s super awkward but he tries to invite you swimming and things. Sometimes you just don’t have the energy. He understands, and is totally down for cuddling you (with partial back rubs) while playing games

Makes sure you eat and definitely splits his rations

Enjoys the small walks from his room to yours, and makes sure you guys drift between them a couple of times a day. That helps humans, right?

Levi realizes fairly quickly that you haven’t been to his room in a while and goes to check on you

You’re hopping in patterns across the floor, slowly making your way to his room.

You look like you’re having fun!

He’s not sure what you’re doing, but you hop, you squat, then you lunge.

You lock eyes with Levi mid-lunge and wobble a bit. He’s a little pink in the face, but because he’s laughing in sheer delight at how spooked you looked.

You end up flopping over and Levi crouches beside you, offering his hand

When he hears you finally had a burst of energy and wanted to work out, to start over again, he’s very proud of you

May or may not have compared you to Henry and shared some of the more harrowing moments the hero went through (also how he’s awesome and came back better than ever!)

Invites you for a swim and you actually accept

After some laps and splashing about, you spend time floating and cuddling

Satan

Depression is sometimes just a thing humans go through, Satan is finding out.

Between Devildom books and human books, he kind of understands

It’s a thing of time, and sometimes other methods help. He personally thinks the lack of sun in the Devildom is the main culprit

Gives you healthy snacks and tracks down vitamins

Tries to get you to walk the gardens but realizes he can’t force it

Sometimes he gets you outside, reading under trees and lanterns

Satan roamed the House of Lamentation, intending to steal you for another outside reading session, and was surprised to find you out there already

He watched from a high window, peeking tentatively from behind the thick curtain, and let the amused smile cut his lips

Suddenly, you disappeared out of sight. Satan waited for what felt like ages until the logic of ‘the fastest way between Point A and B is a straight line’ kicked in. He held his book carefully, unlatched the window, and jumped out

Demons have good joints and sturdier bodies. The drop and landing was nothing for him.

He calls your name and starts walking around.

It’s not until he’s made a full lap and you’re giggling (behind him somehow?) that he realizes you’re just leisurely walking laps around the house

Super embarrassed that he got worried (and that you ended up behind him). Jumps when you touch his shoulders or if you hugged him around the waist

You’re happy and...yourself for the first time in a while and Satan’s heart is so happy. Before you can break the hug, he twines his fingers with yours and just holds your hand to his body

Eventually you break away, kiss his shoulders, and start a game of tag that turns into sky-watching, and laying on his chest as he reads 

Asmodeus

He knows how to break hearts but he ALSO knows how to fix him

He’s always trying to get his brothers to hang out and make good memories. Despite what he says and how he acts, he really cares for them from the bottom of his heart

You count, too. You’re like, top tier. Basically family. VIP space. Maybe SPOUSE space (but that’s too fast for a human, right?)

Though rare and private, Asmo has his bad days, too. They can either be fixed, or they can’t. Usually things are just distractions. The heart will heal in its own time.

Asmo went to your room with the latest round of pampering but stopped short of announcing himself. Does he hear...music?

Nudging the door open with his foot, his eyes light up so pink the gradient is disappearing.

You’re dancing and humming, making faces at yourself in the mirror.

His heart clenches with a beautiful pain because you’re so vibrant and lively and he knows it was hard for you to find this again

The pampering is abandoned for an impromptu PRIVATE dance party

Silly and sweet things, waltzing and just being close, hugging as you sway side to side

Lots of forehead kisses and pet names.

Beelzebub

He didn’t think your behavior was out of the ordinary since Belphie slept a lot.

Beel is always motivated by something--food, sports, working out, family stuff--so he’s not familiar with the lack of desire to do anything

When he learns you’re not just catching up on sleep and you might be having a rough time, he asks Lucifer and Satan what to do

They decide you should work out. That releases endorphins in humans and that sounds like what you need!

The attempts don’t go well, but you’ll at least come out of your room and be a resistance weight for him

Beel went into the weight room to do some pre-warm up exercises. He was mentally planning his reps and figuring out what muscle groups were on the schedule when he heard the clinking of weights

His brothers had other ways of working out so that meant only one person could be in the weight room

Beelzebub stamped down the urge to rush in and watch you in all your occupied glory, reminding himself you could drop a weight on yourself (or worse)

His purr gives him away

He’s proud, borderline excited, and just purrs long and loud from the entryway

Jumps into the workout with you, doing light exercises

Beel gets a little playful adjusting your posture, but it’s all sweet hugs and rocking you back and forth

Regardless of what muscle groups were on the schedule for the day, it’s arm day because he’s lifting you up, throwing you a little, and catching you in his arms

Give this happy, snuggly boy some kisses  

Belphegor

He can sense your state of mind by the nature of his sin. He sleeps a lot and has a knack for telling when someone’s sleep is anything but restful

Belphegor’s not 100% sure, but he thinks he can tap into your dream space. There’s this little ball of sad-tired-something that lets him know you’re not okay

There’s quiet mini-dates that ease the sting of your sadness, but he knows it’s not enough

When he sleeps, he has dreams about you being happy and hopes he can push them into your mind

Cuddles fix things. He’s down for couple naps.

Belphegor goes in and out of sleep; it’s during one of his periods of waking that he notices you’re not there

Hugging his pillow, he shuffles about the House of Lamentation to find you

He finds you cleaning and organizing the kitchen. Cleaning is a sign of healing, right? Lots of movement?

Belphegor realizes you’re doing more than cleaning. You’re stretching and lifting things like they’re Beel’s weights

It looks time-consuming, and like you’ve been at it for a while

Belphie plonks his head on your shoulder, asking how you’re feeling. He’s got that sleepy Cheshire Cat smile

You’re just as happy as can be, happier than he’s seen you in a while, and you celebrate by stealing a bunch of snacks and making a blanket fort in his room 

Hope you liked it :)

[adelaidedrubman]

all of angst + jessie OR jenna xx

stella why :') but thank you, have two servings of angst. also warning for some wildfire spoilers.

💔— What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

answered here!

🥀— How well would they handle a break up?

bad. in typical emotionally repressed yet dramatic fashion. her favorite move is to ghost entirely following a break up, one or more of her sudden hundred mile moves drifting around the entire state of montana may have been because she decided the best way to handle the aftermath of a relationship ending is to simply not be in town anymore. she’s going to pretend she didn’t care the entire time by simply disappearing.

⛈— How often do they get emotional? Are they open with their partner about it?

every second of every day. she has a lot of Big Feelings, and she’s not very open about them. she’s not shy about announcing when she’s pissed off, although the expressed reason may be inaccurate. a lot of anxiety, fear, sadness, etc., also gets expressed as irritation. she likes to pick fights to distract herself from other feelings.

☔️— What are they like when they’re emotional? How quickly do they recover?

lots of angry rambling to vent her frustration, may or may not actually be on the topic she’s upset about. Recovery time depends on the issue at hand but she usually stews for a while, starts joking about whatever she’s upset about pretty quickly after if not during a blow up so it can be difficult to tell if she’s really ��over it.”

🔪— How would they react to injury/misfortune befalling their partner? Do they feel at fault?

answered here!

🚪— What would kill their trust in their partner/close them off? Could this ever be amended?

genuinely convincing her she’s special and unique only for her to find out they’ve treated other partners exactly the same. sure, she has her own go to lines and flattery herself, but it would crush her if a partner actually managed to make her feel unique and treasured only to find that she’s one of a set they’ve run through — it’s happened to her once before and she counts it as her worst relationship. (spoiler alert for wildfire, but the closest anyone ever gets to actually curing jessie of John Brainworms is mary may when she tells her john attempted to play his little obsessive mind games with her too in the past. but due to other information and circumstances the worms persist and she bangs him shortly thereafter.)

honestly if this happened her pride would be so wounded she wouldn’t even be able to speak to the other person, let alone forgive them and move on with the relationship.

💧— Random angst headcanon

none of jessie’s partners have ever been introduced to her parents, save for technically her high school girlfriend, who they met but who was only introduced as a friend and classmate at the time. she blames it on the distance as she lives fairly far away from her parents, but even given the opportunity she wouldn’t, at least not while her father’s alive.

💔— What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

use her for her knowledge and abilities but not actually care about her as a person. she’s always aware this is a possibility and has convinced herself it doesn’t really matter because she doesn’t do anything for love that she wouldn’t be doing anyways, and while that is actually true, it would secretly really hurt her if it happened. growing up she was very used to only receiving conditional affection based on her ability to live up to her parent’s standards, so she works hard as an adult to not put herself in situations where her personal relationships are under that kind of pressure.

🥀— How well would they handle a break up?

very reasonably and productively, at least on the outside. she’s going to repress or over rationalize any heartbreak she has over the situation and up her workaholic tendencies tenfold to keep herself distracted. on the upside, she’s a fairly easy person to break up with, she’s not going to make a scene or be petty.

⛈— How often do they get emotional? Are they open with their partner about it?

not very, she’s very in control of her emotions and doesn’t let much affect her. they’re not very openly expressive with their partner without being asked, but if a partner noticed she seemed upset and asked she’d be open fairly honest about what she’s feeling.

☔️— What are they like when they’re emotional? How quickly do they recover?

she tends to talk through her emotions in an overly analytical and detached way. if she’s feeling something she really can’t just keep locked inside she’s going to present the details of what she’s feeling like dry data on just another problem that needs to be solved. and she does work through it quickly, although a lot of it is repression and distancing.

🔪— How would they react to injury/misfortune befalling their partner? Do they feel at fault?

only if she’s like, actually directly at fault. maybe some partners accidentally have their brains melted from experimental drugs from time to time, they knew the risks, not her fault. (unless she actually made, god forbid, a mistake.)

regardless, she’s going to be practical about the situation. she won’t sugarcoat or give her partner empty reassurances, but she will do what she can to help. she’s solution oriented and not going to waste time sympathizing when she could take action.

🚪— What would kill their trust in their partner/close them off? Could this ever be amended?

backhanded efforts to control or change her. she knows what she’s doing doesn’t necessarily conform to most people’s moral standards, and she’s happy to have a philosophical discussion about that, but she’s ultimately very take it or leave it in relationships. if someone wants to leave, that’s fine, but don’t stick around and try to guilt her into being a different person. She can’t tolerate someone lying about being willing to accept her for who she is only to secretly hold out a desire to change her. if she sees it’s happening, it’s an automatic deal breaker.

💧— Random angst headcanon

jenna is a big “love is a neurochemical con job dot jpeg” person. she doesn’t let that stop her from pursuing relationships, because everything we know and feel is a neurochemical con job so might as well enjoy it, but she does make sure she never actually changes or structures her life too much around love.

[gamingleopard28]

RWBY Shattered Eye AU

(If you would like to make the AU into a comic I don’t mind, just give me the credit for the AU)

          Volume 5 School Fight

     After Cinder knocked Jaune to the floor she starts walking over to kill Weiss, but then notices an unconscious Ruby to her right then saying “Eye for an eye”. She then lifts Ruby up with her right arm by the shoulder with her spear in her left hand. Jaune yells out a “NO!” but Cinder doesn’t care. She slowly shoves the spear into Ruby’s right eye in order to make it as painful as possible. Yang cries out a “NO!” just before running to Cinder and tackling her which caused her to drop Ruby pretty hard onto the floor. During the moment of confusion Weiss, Qrow, Jaune go to keep Ruby alive while Nora, Ren and Ozpin/Oscar keep them protected from Mercury, Emerald and Hazel who are still trying to fight them. Meanwhile Yang is aggressively smashing Cinders head into the floor to a point where to fix it would require a landscaper as well. After Qrow realizes Ruby should be fine he goes over to Yang who is still pummeling Cinders face and manages to pull her off so he can check on her. Yang's face is filled with tears that are boiling as they fall, her hair is ready to basically explode at this point. Emerald helps Cinder up while Qrow calms Yang down to a point where she can think rationally enough to not lose her other arm.

At this point the fights are Qrow and Yang Vs Cinder and Emerald, Nora and Ozpin/Oscar Vs Mercury and Hazel. Jaune and Weiss are keeping Ruby alive as Jaune finds out he has his semblance. 

     While the chaos is happening Raven and Vernal who just watched all of this happen in about a minute decide to go down the elevator and see if they can get the relic without Cinder. Cinder notices them going down the elevator and lets Emerald know she is going down it. After Emerald covers Cinder as she disappears down the elevator shaft. Emerald, Mercury and Hazel move over to cover it and stop Qrow, Ozpin and the kids from getting in. Ruby has been moved to a safer corner and Weiss is now fighting again after getting her aura back. 

In short things mostly proceed as normal, White fang is stopped, Yang gets the relic and Adam goes missing. 

     Blake walks in through the hole in the front, looks around and notices Yang and Weiss kneeling next to Ruby, but she isn’t looking the same as she last saw her and it wasn’t really the outfit. Then Blake realized that Ruby was bleeding from her right eye and ran over to check on her. After cleaning the blood out for a little bit the got her onto a more comfortable surface, 2 medics came in and got her onto a stretcher and started asking the basic questions like “What happend?”, “How Long?” and so on. After which they began bringing her to a medical tent but stopped just outside in order to let the crowd clear. While they were stopped Yang brushed her left hand across Ruby’s hair to which Ruby then open her eyes weakly asking in pain “ya-ng?” before passing out. While passing out she could hear Yang’s voice getting quieter until she was unconscious.

          Between Volume 5 and Volume 6

     Blinking weakly Ruby opened her eyes and winced from the pain across her body but mostly in her right eye. Looking around she noticed that her right eye was more blurry and had a fairly thick black line going through its middle, she still remembered what happened to her and how Yang saved her life. Yang! She needed to find Yang. After spending probably about 2 minutes getting out of bed because of the pain she managed to get to the door after realizing she was connected to an IV bag with water in it. After opening the door she looked down both ways, to her left was a door about a foot away and to her right was a hallway about 8 meters long with doors along the walls and lead into a living room. The noise from the talking kind of irritated her a little so she checked the door to her left which wasn’t super quiet but didn’t creak. Ruby wasn’t exactly quiet with her entry and got the attention of Qrow and Ozpin who were in a conversation. Ozpin told Qrow could have some alone time and exited the garage. Qrow quickly got Ruby a chair as Yang stopped working on Bumblebee (her Motorcycle), grabbed a bag labeled Samples and helped Ruby sit as the asked her some basic questions like “Are you hungry? Are you hurting? Do you feel sick?”. Ruby answered “Yes. Yes. No.” and so on. Her eye did start to bleed but Yang was quick to get it with a tissue. Ruby asked why she had a bag labeled Samples and was told that the medics found some kind of dust in her eye and asked for them to keep samples. After she stopped bleeding from her eye they had a hug which made Ruby a bit more happy and managed to make her smile a little, then she was helped up out of the garage and to a table for about 10 people and get her some food. While passing by everyone else they saw her and all felt a bit bad as Ruby went from zipping around to looking like a kitten with broken legs as she slightly limped and stumbled each step. She didn’t even have much of a smile on her face, it even looked like moving kind of hurt her. Ruby did ask Yang how long she was asleep and Yang told her almost 2 days. Ruby then ask who changed her, which makes Qrow tell her “We made a rule that guys aren't allowed to change your clothes for you.” and Yang also tells her that she did.

About 2 hours later at 9:00 am Taiyang knocks on the front door. Qrow answers and lets him in and he immediately asks were Ruby is. Qrow tells him and lets him know to be quiet as noise makes her uncomfortable. 

     Tai basically does what he did after The Fall of Beacon and asks if she wants anything. Ruby just says a hug and to be able to sleep which Tai then realizes that his precious Ruby isn’t the same as she was before this happened which causes him to cry while hugging her. Ruby does ask if Zwei is okay and her lets her know that after her fight at haven Raven came back and is currently living with him as her tribe kinda got destroyed, and she is taking care of Zwei. After he leaves her be Yang comes in to give her a Hug and change her IV bag. Ruby then manages to go to sleep as her room is pretty nice. Sage green walls with dark brown floor trim, the floor is a nice soft wood. The room is 5 meters wide by 4 long parallel to the hall. Her bed is made with a sturdy wood and a comfy mattress, the sheets are a nice soft light brown cloth with about 1 ft of a fluffy material she likes to cuddle with and some soft pillows. Occasionally Yang, Blake and Weiss have peek in while she was doing it. Yang’s reaction was “She is so cute like that”, Blake’s was a warm smile, and Weiss was a mild blush. Everyone else reacted in their own way, Jaune and Ren saying ”As long as she’s happy” and Nora saying she knew it would work, Tai and Qrow just felt better knowing she could still be happy. On the left wall there is a window with a curtain that is mostly kept closed. Along the wall opposite side from her bed there are two 1 meter wide by 1 foot thick by 2 meter tall bookshelf's on opposite sides of the wall and a nightstand next to her bed with a lamp on it. She got up later for dinner, talked a little bit and goes back to her room to read a little and sleep. During the night she has a Nightmare and ends out screaming a little as she wakes up and then starts crying. Yang is in her room in a few second followed by Tai and Qrow, everyone else was to tired to get up at like 1 am. Yang, Qrow and Tai were all trying to calm her down from her nightmare. They did manage to calm her down and made sure someone was with her every night in case it happened again.

Throughout the rest of the 2 weeks every night she had a nightmare but was quickly comforted. Also every once in a while someone would check up on her and help her with something or just relax with her. Mainly it was the girls but occasionally Jaune or Ren would come in and give her some cookies or lunch. While the girls did their respective things with her, Yang would generally come in to help her shower, Blake would read with her, Weiss would explain what happened that day or cuddle with her as Ruby asked of her and Nora would help her with exercise. Ruby did get better throughout the week, even being able to walk around the house on her own in 5 days. Although Ruby wasn’t allowed outside unless it was the backyard or she was with someone as she still couldn’t really fight right now. Another 5 days later team RWBY went to a mall which is were Ruby got her present for Yang. Before leaving the blanket Ruby had is packed up because the blanket was actually bought by them for her.

          Volume 6

     The train ride is mostly the same to the normal one, only difference is Ruby has a nap and a Nightmare but is comforted by Weiss. Weiss covers Ruby from a Grimm swipe, The train crashes and and Jinn explains what Ozpin hid from them WBY does get angry at him but Ruby tells her to knock it off and asks Ozpin if he hid it to protect them. He says yes and Ruby then explains that they have bigger problems then trying to kill each other like shelter and food. In the house where Weiss and Ruby just sleep together and Ruby doesn’t have a Nightmare. During the well section Maria realizes that Ruby’s eyes are even stronger than they should be probably because her right one has less eye holding back the light. As they come through the cellar Qrow asks whats happening sounding more sober than normal as the Apathy slowly crawl out of the cellar, he then throws a few bottles at them with Weiss before running out of the house with Ruby and Weiss. They get to Argus without any incident. After everyone reunites they go to Saphron’s house, and relax while explaining what happened. After a little bit Saphron comes in and sits in one of the couches and then Ozpin explains that he did hide the truth from everyone, Jaune holds him against the wall and screams at Ozpin which causes Ruby to go into one of her Panic attacks, starting of with a scream and then intense crying and her right eye flashing a little bit. Everyone looks at Jaune and Ruby in a surprised look as Jaune is caught off guard by that and drops Ozpin letting him back off from Jaune who’s in a startled state. Yang and Blake are next to Ruby in a second and Weiss is in about 2, and they start calming her down. Everyone else decides to give her some space as Yang, Blake and Weiss bring her upstairs to rest while Weiss watches over her. Jaune did get some dirty glares from Yang for like 5 seconds until she gets distracted by Blake nuzzling her to get her to stop. Terra then comes home as well with the child and sits down next to Saphron. Later when everyone is going out to get food Ruby and Weiss stay back in case of a Nightmare or Panic attack. They find Maria and learn about Ruby’s eyes and that they seem a lot stronger than they should be. Then they all have dinner. The next day they all go to the Atlas airfield gate and Cordovan she tells them Weiss and Ruby are allowed because Weiss because her father wants her back and Ruby because of the samples, but everyone else is not. After trying to see if they could make an exception Weiss has an idea and backs off and calls someone. Then Cordovan gets a call about 30 seconds after Weiss, Finishes and tells the team that they have one hour to get their things and be back, when they get back they pack their stuff as well as Qrow’s things. He comes back surprisingly not at all drunk. Ruby is somewhat happy but also really confused as to why. When they return to the airfield they are escorted to a small airship and flown to atlas. On the way there Ruby gives Yang the present which is a Gift card for Strawberry Sunrises, a cleaning kit for her arm, a new pair of sunglasses and a few tools that she can attach to her arm. Yang lets out a little laugh and hugs Ruby really hard to a point where she can’t breath. Meanwhile Cinder did have her fight with Neo but she ran away from Cinder as the intense wind reminded her of how she failed Torchwick. Later Cinder finds Adam who has an airship and she explains that together they can destroy team RWBY and that on a specific date he will assassinate Ruby before she wakes up which will lower team moral and make Adams target (Blake) easier to get. Cinder will finally have Ruby dead and more maiden powers. He agrees and lets her on as they head for Mantle.

Team RWBY and JNR was well as Qrow and Ozpin/Oscar land at atlas and are greeted by Penny, Ironwood and Winter who thanks Weiss for calling her rather than doing something reckless. Penny lightly tackles Ruby and then notices the scar in her right eye. Ruby tells her its fine and that she doesn’t want to talk about it but Weiss will fill her in, which Weiss agrees too. Ironwood somewhat loudly goes “YOU’RE SOBER?!” to which Qrow replies yes and lets him know about Ruby and noises as she is noticeably uncomfortable. Winter is absolutely caught off guard by Qrow being sober and just jaw dropped. The Ace ops watch from a little ways away glad they are having some fun and then introduce themselves.

          Volume 7

     Weiss went to catch Ironwood, Winter and Penny up on what happened, Jaune, Ren and Nora went for training, Yang went with Maria for tuning for Maria’s eyes and Yang’s arm and Ruby went with Blake to the lab where they took the samples and explained that they may be able to make lights that kill Grimm making cities a lot safer and so they also take a blood test as the samples are dried up by this point. Blake stayed by Ruby in case she had a panic attack as she knew what to do unlike the scientists. Luckily she didn’t have one and managed the appointment pretty well and even got a lollipop and a cookie. Then everyone met back up. After learning about the Amity Project they got their new outfits and weapon updates and to learn about Ironwoods plan. Then they help clear out the launch site and then are shown their dorms. Next they have the training montage and get their licenses. Everyone ends out going to the Movies or to the voting party and it goes as normally until Tyrian attacks. Penny fires her swords at him and then loses him in the crowd and then hears Ruby yell something before it goes quiet and the light come back on. Everyone sees the swords but also notice none of them a bloody or correctly aligned to hit any of the dead bodies correctly to kill them. Then Penny realizes Ruby is missing...

Meanwhile many blocks away Ruby is tied up in a chair while Watts and Tyrian are talking about the how the plan went well and other things. After a little bit Watts Unties one of Ruby’s hands after setting up a chess board and asks if she wants to play. She accepts and they constantly tie. Watts is impressed and even Tyrian is interested in the game while still absolutely confused on what they are doing. 

     Afterwards they manage to sleep until Ruby gets woken up by the riot and a Nightmare. Tyrian yells at her to shut up and gives her a small cut with the non poisonous part of his tail which makes it worse and Watts tells him its time to leave. Back in atlas about 2 hours ago Yang, Blake and Weiss got to their bunks but noticed Ruby wasn’t there but assumed she was helping Penny with something until Ren and Nora burst into the room and tell them Ruby’s been kidnapped which Yang almost doesn’t even take an airship down to Mantle. After about an hour and a half they go back miserably and sit there still in their huntress outfits for a few minutes and then they get a call, “We found her. While getting out of an abandoned basement they were spotted by protesters as they have Wanted and Warning signs everywhere and so a squad of robots looked over at them and start sprinting towards them as the start running down the alleyway”. After about 10 minutes of running while Ruby is bawling her eyes out, an airship pops in front of them and the speaker says: “Put your hands up!” to which they decide to ditch Ruby so Tyrian just dropped her on the ground pretty hard which isn’t helping with her bawling. The squad of robots and the airship chases after them. Ruby is still just bawling her eyes out which are starting to flash. Another airship lands on the street and Yang, Blake and Weiss hop out and run over to her. When they get to her they immediately start to try and calm her as Blake cut the ropes but Ruby was still bawling her eyes out and had even started soaking her clothes. After about 5 minutes of hugging, head rubbing, even a few kisses and a lot of tears she finally was able to be moved to the airship and explain while sobbing what happened as Yang texts it to Qrow. Meanwhile Qrow, Ozpin/Oscar and Ironwood are having a little break and Qrow is offered a bottle and he only has a little bit. Then he is asked why he isn’t drinking as much to which he explains that he feels that he was to drunk to keep Ruby safe and that it might get her or him killed and would make her and Summer happy. Then he gets a text from Yang explaining that they have her and what happened as well as that she isn’t badly hurt but was bawling her eyes. He nearly dropped the scroll as Ozpin decides to ask what is it and Qrow tells them shocking them. Back with team Ruby, she is still mostly sobbing but not as bad so Yang tugs her along while she cries into Yangs shoulder, Weiss hugging her from behind and Blake up ahead just telling people to give her some space as they are getting notifications that Ruby is no longer missing. After getting to their dorm and calming Ruby down to just tears, Penny comes in knowing its been a bit over 2 hours since she disappeared. Penny is shocked that Ruby is crying as she has never seen Ruby cry before. She asks Ruby is she is okay and she replies “Yeah... Sorry I scared you.” and then hugs Penny who returns it telling her she is a good friend. After Penny leaves Ruby is asked if she wants anything and she says: “Maybe to sleep all together?” to which they accept her request and start unfolding the couch into a bed. (In this AU teams have separate rooms) After changing into night clothes they go to sleep on the bed. (If you are curious this is the order from left to right: Weiss, Ruby, Yang, Blake.)

     In the morning around 6:30 Yang woke up got out of bed easily since Blake had curled up on the bed, and started making some breakfast. Some PB&Js with milk and cookies for Ruby who was still asleep as Blake started to wake up. Then turning back to what she was doing yang then sees Adam and stumbles back ready for an attack that never comes as there is no one there. Blake rushes to Yang's side and asks why she is blocking from nothing to which she explains she thought she saw Adam and that he is out there still. Blake listens and then looks at Weiss who is waking up then jokes “Morning princess” to which Weiss doesn’t really care as she is being held onto by a sleeping Ruby. They all look at her smiling as she hasn’t been in a really great mood since haven, and then Ruby mumbles something along the lines of “We-iss... love... youuu...” which causes everyone to look quite surprised. About 3 minutes later Ruby wakes up and realizes she was holding Weiss and quickly lets go with her face going red and asks if she heard anything while she was asleep to which a blushing Weiss replies “N-o... yes” causing Ruby’s face to go very very red. Yang is basically dying laughing at this point and Blake is getting ready for CPR as Yang is laughing, choking and wheezing heavily. After they calm down without Yang needing CPR they have their breakfast and check their scrolls to see they have been given a day off and literally can’t do any missions today. So they just relax with the time they have like spending some time in the pool, going to the arcade, Even going to the library which Ruby finds a really good book that is like 10 inches wide which impresses Blake, they even play a little bit of tag and a few other activities. At some point they find Penny and have a chat with her and Winter. After that they go to a club that is fine with faunas and okay for Ruby (It isn’t loud enough to cause a panic attack). Then they head back to the bunks to which Ruby climbs onto her bed and immediately falls asleep. Later they had dinner with nothing really happening.

     Early in the next morning at about 6:55 Adam is waiting in the hall waiting for 7:00 as that is when the doors open and the cameras to turn off. Just as they turn off and the door unlocks he heads inside, but someone sees him enter. As he grabs a wooden box to stand on so he makes sure its a kill, gets on it raises the knife above Ruby’s chest and brought it down. “Hey!” while bringing down the knife it misses her heart and goes into her stomach, Weiss kicks his legs out from under him and he hits the floor hard and Penny starts disarming and arresting Adam. Weiss is now trying to get the knife out of Ruby’s stomach while Yang helps Penny with arresting Adam. Blake is still waking up from her dream about cat nip or something I don’t know. After getting the knife out of Ruby, Adam was arrested and put into a cell with his weapon in another secure room. Later around noon Ruby and Weiss have a walk in a park and end out sitting on one of the benches under a tree. Weiss asks if Ruby did love her to which Ruby replies yes and then kisses Weiss on the cheek, Weiss then returns the kiss but on the lips for a few seconds before breaking off. Both are blushing very hard as  Yang and Blake then come around the tree and go “Congrats!” to which Ruby yelps in surprise “YANG! I thought you were on a date with Blake!” to which Yang just replies “Yes but we also went here”. 

The rest of the time is of training and dating. Everyone thinks Weiss and Ruby are very cute together even Qrow. Not much really happens for a while.

     When they are invited to the Schnee manor not much really changes other that Bumblebee and WhiteRose flirting with their partners. Jacques gets arrested, Tyrian gets arrested, Watts getts messed up and RWBY + JNR + Ace ops are saving civilians, team RWBY gets called up to atlas to talk to Ironwood a little bit before Ace ops are finished up. While getting to atlas Cinder frees Adam and arms him and reminds him of what to do before she heads to the winter maiden. While running down the hall Adam is waiting behind a pillar for Ruby who is at the front, then comes past the pillar after seeing something red looks over and sees Adam with his sword raised and all she can do is block with her arm and- He cut right through her left arm (at just about past the elbow) which made her cry in pain as he front-flipped outta that convenient window. Ruby is now on the floor bleed badly and Yang is trying to stop the bleeding and Weiss is trying to calm he down the the blood flow isn’t as bad while Blake makes sure he isn’t coming back as he slides down until she can’t see him any more. She then check on Ruby who is still crying in pain but not as bad, Yang tells her to get some help. So Blake runs down the hall to the medical wing where some doctors are working with scientists on her blood samples and the dust that has been extracted, opens the doors and tells them Ruby lost her arm and one of them grabs a kit Blake sees is labeled Ruby and asks where as she shows them. By now Yang has Ruby's head on her thighs while calming her down and Weiss is still trying to stop the blood dribbling out of her arm. The doctor put some bandages that are really absorbent on the wound before spraying some antibacterial spray on it. Then with the kit open Blake, Yang and Weiss could see that it had 4 small and large joint pieces and 2 forearm, leg, thigh and upper arm parts so they were ready for something like this. After putting on the arm they gave her a blood injection so she wouldn’t pass out. After about 15 minutes they managed to get to Ironwoods office with Ace ops, who didn’t really care about Ruby’s arm to much. After Ironwood shows the black glass thingy Salem then does her thing and when telling Ruby about what her mother said Ruby then replies angrily “Well I’m angry. Meaning I will rip your legs off if and drag you to hell myself I have to” which shocks everyone including Salem who just ends the conversation. Then Ironwood explains that he is abandoning Mantle and declaring Martial law to which Ruby then tells JNR + Ozpin and Qrow + Robin about Ironwoods plan before he cuts her connection and after their one liners he pulls out his gun and shoots her in the chest breaking her aura. Yang attempts to hit him back but is deflected. After Ironwood leaves and the airship Qrow, Robin, Clover and Tyrian are in crashes the Ruby does her one liner and zips past the Ace ops. The fights go as per normal until the end where Tyrian is standing over clover ready to kill him until Qrow jams Harbinger through Tyrian who laughs like he does and then passes out from blood loss, and Qrow flops onto the snow from exhaustion and is arrested by Clover’s reinforcements. Weiss, Yang and Blake's fights end normally but Harriet manages to start choke holding Ruby as the rest of her team is ready to help her. Ruby then smashes Harriet’s foot with hers and then backs up into the wall, uses her semblance to get out of her grasp, Kicks her in the stomach and then full force punches her in the face with the robot arm slamming Harriet into the wall. Harriet is completely unconscious and Yang can’t help but be proud and a little scared of Ruby. Then Yang and Blake go to the airship while Ruby and Weiss go to find the winter maiden, find Cinder and Ruby uses her eyes on her. Penny becomes the winter maiden, Winter gives them a head start, Oscar learns how use his semblance, Ironwood gets mad and Salem is here.

To be continued...

I would continue but am now waiting for Volume 8 to be released so I can stay somewhat on track with the story and location(s)...

[rosalind-of-arden]

Paper and Fire Reread, chapter 4

This one gets its own post. Looking for Morgan, Wolfe, Santi, worldbuilding, whatever else. I am easily distracted by shiny objects and timeline discrepancies.

Ugh. Timeline. “brought just a year ago to Alexandria.” Ok. Fine. We can work with this. Fall technically ends December 22, 2031. So let’s say they’re in France in December, and it’s January by the time they get back to Alexandria. Add 6 months to that and we get July. Say we have a couple extra weeks in there instead of 6 months exactly, so middle of July. Bump the start of Ink and Bone back to August (it’s vague enough to work, could probably go as far back as July there), and we’re close enough to a year for this line to make sense.

Morgan is worried about Wolfe. Jess does not even think about what this means. Yes, it means that Morgan cares about Wolfe, as Jess notices. Again, suggesting a closer bond between them then Jess observed. But also: Morgan knows that Wolfe was in danger. She knows Jess is safe. Morgan is getting a lot of information. For all we know, she already knows about Thomas. She says she will have more information soon, after all.

Jess is willfully ignorant of details Morgan has fucking told him. Yes, Jess, they’re trying to breed her already. She said they would. You didn’t listen. 

Jess thinks Morgan has been hiding her abilities her whole life. Morgan told him her ability only developed after taking the Library test. Who is wrong/lying?

Second time in as many books we have had a scene involving Wolfe, Santi, and handcuffs. Remind me again why we think they have such a fun sex life?

Regardless of what they may or may not do with handcuffs in the bedroom, it really is a statement of how much Wolfe trusts Santi that he’s as calm as he is here. Especially when Santi refuses to take off the cuffs.

Based on the way this scene ends, I can only conclude that Wolfe and Santi planned this little meeting, probably making the best of bad circumstances by using the Artifex’s attempted assassination to arrange an opportunity to talk to Jess and Glain. But I think these angry outbursts from Santi are off script, as is the refusal to remove the cuffs.

I’m pretty sure this argument between Wolfe and Santi is intended to read as a continuation of an off-page fight about how to handle the danger Wolfe is constantly in, with both of them using some fairly dramatic metaphors. That said, we could totally take a darker interpretation here and say their relationship has turned abusive. The physical fight at the end of Ink and Bone, the arrest, “Tell me why I should ever let you roam around unmonitored again,” “You’ve locked me up.” This is not healthy, guys.

Then there’s the kinky little voice in my head that wants to read this as a consensual power exchange that has gone badly.

So much of what Santi says and does here points to PTSD. The extreme measures to keep Wolfe safe. The anger. The attempts to avoid topics that could be triggering to Wolfe. The irrational expectation that Jess and Glain will see Wolfe hurt and react with the same protectiveness that Santi feels. That last one is so far outside Santi’s usual strategic thinking, but it isn’t the first time he’s done it (he tried an emotional “look how badly Wolfe’s been hurt” appeal with Jess in Ink and Bone, and it didn’t work there either). He’s too traumatized to think rationally about Wolfe, and he responds to threats, both perceived and real, with anger at anything and anyone he sees as a threat to Wolfe, even Wolfe himself.

Notice how Santi starts to soften as soon as Wolfe calls him on this irrational behavior. From the cold and angry “You’re still under arrest, Scholar Wolfe” to the plaintive “Chris...” He sits down when Wolfe points out that Santi’s behavior is triggering. But he keeps going back to the anger, probably because he’s having a panic attack here and genuinely cannot stop seeing Jess and Glain and Jess’s message as imminent threats to Wolfe.

Some panic attack symptoms, along with the anger: flinching when Jess speaks to him, seeming to forget Jess and Glain are there (tunnel vision?), “His face was tense and pallid, and there was something else there - real fear, Jess thought.”

Also, the warmth of Wolfe’s smile and the gentle tone he uses. He’s not mad, even though Santi is being a total dick. Santi might be trying to hide his trauma from Wolfe, but Wolfe knows.

This line isn’t supposed to be sexy but it just is: “Santi quickly leaned forward and grabbed the chain of his manacles to pull Wolfe toward him.”

This is interesting: “I’m not insane,” he said. “I’m not on the verge of it. I may be stretched to my limits - my limits being admittedly lower than they should be.” So, if he’s not on the verge of insanity, what limit is he stretched to? I’m taking this, along with Santi’s statement that Wolfe hasn’t been himself and has needed extra protection, and Wolfe’s refusal of the gun in the last chapter, as meaning that Wolfe is borderline suicidal here. He’s not quite at the point of actively trying to kill himself, but he is engaging in riskier behavior than is normal for him, maybe even some form of self harm as well. Part of why Santi sees Wolfe as a threat to himself is that Wolfe actually is a threat to himself (and Santi’s own trauma feeds off of that).

Santi kicking over the chair and stomping off may seem like his angriest outburst yet, but this is actually a sign he’s getting control of himself again. What does Santi typically do when he’s mad at Wolfe? Walk away to calm down. Not long after this, he’s calm and quiet when he comments on the risk Jess is taking with the smuggled book.

Also, Wolfe vs. Santi. Again. What are we at, 5-0 Wolfe for on page fights? Santi never wins when they argue (or have staring contests) in front of the kids.

Ugh. Timeline. Jess read the prison guard’s journal and “hurt for days after.” He literally got this book two days ago. “Days” can mean anywhere between two days and two fucking months. Argh.

Wolfe has a good poker face. Jess thinks Wolfe doesn’t get it when Jess announces that Thomas wasn’t executed. Then Wolfe is hard to read when Jess accuses him and Santi of knowing about Thomas. Wolfe reads about his own arrest and torture without any visible reaction. Do not play poker with Wolfe.

More significant looks between Wolfe and Santi. I should be fucking counting these.

Here, again: Santi reacts to potential Wolfe triggers with irrational anger and protectiveness. Wolfe sees this and responds with warmth, but also refuses to change his own actions based on Santi’s trauma response.

Wolfe massively censors himself when talking about his past. He says that he was “made to disappear,” then jumps to “Nic was a fool and risked himself trying to find me. He nearly died in the attempt. At any rate, I was finally released.” Omitting all details of what happened to him while he was in prison. The closest he gets to saying how bad it was is “I didn’t just get out.” Partially trying to protect the kids, but also probably protecting himself. He can handle reading about the torture, but not talking about it.

More significant looks between Wolfe and Santi. And a “strange” smile from Wolfe. And then Santi just takes the cuffs off. Interesting that this happens not after Jess tells them everything he knows, but after Jess and Glain commit to helping Thomas. Why there? Assuming the cuffs were supposed to come off earlier, this is where Santi gives up on protecting Wolfe from himself and his former students. This is where Santi is convinced to go along with the rescue effort.

Santi puts Wolfe in cuffs as a protective gesture. So, so kinky, omg.

“I’ll do what I can,” he said. “But you’d best try to find another way to get the information you need.” Two ways to read this: 1. Wolfe is trying to minimize his own involvement in this and is pushing the kids away. 2. Wolfe is admitting that he can’t do this on his own and needs help. Right, you all already know I favor option 2 there.

Khalila and Dario! Not at all relevant to this reading, but still good to see them again. No mention of curls, but we do have Dario growing his hair longer. Longer than what? We do not know, and thus we can imagine literally any length we want here, I suppose. So at least there should be enough for Khalila to grab a good handful and pull. Er. Ahem. Hey, look, a Dario-Wolfe parallel, maybe? Long hair for both of them? No wonder Santi likes them both.

[enigmaphenomenon]

Something’s up with Jack (Another Jack analysis)

I believe Handsome Jack has Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Let’s first go through the symptoms of BPD. In order to be diagnosed with BPD one needs to have repeated patterns of 5 out of 9 symptoms of BPD. I’ll go through the symptoms Jack displays. 

Google gives a very brief list of symptoms. I’ll highlight the ones Jack is shown having. 

Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint

Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness

Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism

So let’s just dive right into his symptoms. I don’t...really need to provide examples of Jack’s narcissism, do I? Because that one is obvious as all hell. 

1)  An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection. 

Oh yeah. And Jack reacts quite violently to what he perceives as betrayals and/or abandonment. If you trust Jack instead of Fiona at the end of Episode 2, and refuse to trust him in Episode 3 when he asks you too...uh...

“Oh. Oh, that’s a... shame. Because I thought--- I thought we were becoming pals. Saved your life back there and you...still don’t trust me? You know I’m uh...I’ve had to deal with this my whole damn life you know? You try to do the right thing and people just... crap all over you for it. Well, congrats kiddo. You’re the latest in a long line of Jack-shitters. Super psyched about it.” 

This isn’t the first time Jack mentions that he should have seen this all coming, he mentions it again at the end of Episode 5. 

“I should have seen this coming--ever since I came to this nacho-flavored shithole of a planet. I’ve been betrayed by everybody I gave rat’s ass about. My boss. My girlfriend. Hell...my goddamn daughter.” 

Then, of course, Jack telling Rhys...

And....

Jack has extreme violent reactions to people he views as being against him, even when they aren’t. Adding to this is Jack’s hatred of all vault-hunters due to Lilith and Roland’s betrayal and also his fear of being shot in the back if he lets his enemies live. Remember he was willing to forgive the Meriff and let him live until the Meriff tries to shoot Jack as he’s walking away. This then leads to Jack airlocking scientists just for the mere possibility one of them might be working for Zarpedon. Also, when Athena or whoever else you play suggest just rushing to the vault and not fighting Jack insists they all must die, stating that if you let your enemies live, they’ll shoot you in the back. 

2)  A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel. (People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, with nothing in between. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash from your rapid swings between idealization and devaluation, anger, and hate.)

Moxxi, Rhys, Angel, and his second wife. 

Moxxi says he was clingy and that’s why she dumped Jack, Jack blew up her slaughter dome thing due to this, but this doesn’t stop him from asking her for help to fight against Zarpedon. 

Rhys? Aw man just take a look at this switch. 

“Oh, wow. I wish I could hug you right now. I’m gonna make a robot that just hugs you when I tell it to. I’m so proud. I’m so proud of my special boy! This is a perfect partnership, Rhys. You trusted me. I trusted you, and now we’re here! Man--never really had a partner I could count on before. Feels kinda dope”

No Jack, Rhys doesn’t want a giant Endoskeleton to crawl inside his body. 

“This was YOUR chance to make history, you moron! To be part of a legacy! To matter for once in your useless little life!”

Angel doesn’t need to be explained right? In the ECHO logs in Borderlands 2 Jack cycles between being amiable towards her and then lashing out at her. 

His relationship with his second wife was ruined over him refusing to shut down the control core, and in an ECHO log it’s stated she disappeared shortly after telling Jack to shut down the control core. 

3) Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self

Jack is a meglomaniac who sees himself as the hero and as a god, but, in BL2 he brings this up: 

"I know you think I'm a monster. You think I enslaved Angel. But you didn't see what she did to her mother. I had to restrain Angel's power. You get that? I had to."

He brings this up to the vault hunter. Why? What does he care what the vault hunter thinks of him? Jack sure as hell hasn’t cared at all about “bandits” opinions of him. And he really isn’t shy about blaming other people for something, come on, this is the same man who says he shot a baby because THE BABY was being a dick. 

Jack doesn’t blame Angel for betraying him. As he said in TFTBL, she had no choice. He also doesn’t say that vault hunters killed her. He says that she killed herself.

This is Jack being hit with the realization that his daughter is dead, and that he drove her to it. He’s the monster who enslaved Angel, but he says he had to do it (I’ll go deeper into this in a different essay). He had to to restrain her power, he had to, as if he didn’t have a choice. There is guilt behind these words. 

To compare, in Tomb Raider 2013 there was extra dialogue (that for some reason was not in the final version of the game) after Lara has her first kill, she tells herself “I had to do it. I had to do it.” That’s how Lara rationalizes taking a life. If she had not killed that man, he would have killed her, so she “had to.”

I believe its the same with Jack. There is guilt there. Why would he feel the need to defend his actions to the vault hunters? To the “bandits?” He saw Angel ask the vault hunters to end her life, he saw her call them friend, her last dying breath was needing to tell her father that he’s an asshole. Jack knows. He knows what he’s done. But he’s too mentally ill to accept it, or change it. If anything, that just drove him further into insanity. 

In TFTBL Jack also mentions that he knows where Rhys is coming from and imposter syndrome is normal, and to just strangle that voice in his head that says he’s not good enough. 

4) Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship

Hahahaha ooooooh yeaaaaah. 

Spending sprees: Butt Stallion

“My day? It's been pretty good. I just bought a pony made of diamonds, because I’m rich. So, you know. That’s cool.“

Unsafe sex: 

“If I’da just thrown stock options at the Vault Hunters instead of bullets, I’d be on a beach right now doing disturbingly graphic things with the local ladies.”

Drug abuse: 

He mashed up a mushroom and snorted it...a lot...

Primo hit of electri-drugs.

His chair also has contact activated Dopamine injectors. 

Jack drinks, a lot apparently, since he thought either sex or drinking would kill him. 

It really wouldn’t surprise me if Jack participated in orgies which he probably totally did.

5)  Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.

Jack is...really unstable and I don’t think anyone will disagree.  

ECHO logs in BL2 depict Jack going from manic to a fit of rage both with Angel and Mr. Tassiter. As well as Mr. Moorin who he strangles for mentioning his wife. 

Or when he gets really excited...

6) Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the hole with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.

After becoming CEO he became dictator of Pandora, then decided...hey why not conquer more planets? Why not basically become a god? That toppled on top of Jack’s drug use and sex life. He bought a diamond horse and named it Butt-stallion...

He also says that when he takes Rhys’ body he’s still gonna use it to eat food and bang a bunch of people. 

(A side note, Dameon Clarke while answering questions as Handsome Jack said that there’s a lot of smiling going on but he’s actually dead inside. I just wanted to add it here as a point of interest.)

Jack also tolerated Mr. Tassiter’s insults until Tassiter told Jack that he’s a pathetic nobody under his mask. This leads to Jack strangling him and keeping his goatee as a reminder of what happens to people when they’re a dick to Jack. 

7)Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time being angry at yourself.

I don’t feel I need to provide examples for this one. We’ve all seen Jack’s rage. He uh....really goes off and it is not easy to stop him. 

Now that we got Jack’s symptoms out of the way let’s move on to causes. 

Most mental health professionals believe that borderline personality disorder (BPD) is caused by a combination of inherited or internal biological factors and external environmental factors, such as traumatic experiences in childhood.

...

Hereditary predisposition. You may be at a higher risk if a close relative — your mother, father, brother or sister — has the same or a similar disorder.

Stressful childhood. Many people with the disorder report being sexually or physically abused or neglected during childhood. Some people have lost or were separated from a parent or close caregiver when they were young or had parents or caregivers with substance misuse or other mental health issues. Others have been exposed to hostile conflict and unstable family relationships.

Let’s start with Jack’s genetics. If you saw my last post about Jack, it was wondering if Jack’s grandmother was a bandit and/or psycho due to her buzz axe. It is very possible that Jack’s grandmother and mother also suffer with some mental illness. 

Onto the stressful childhood. Grandma’s buzz axe which was a disciplinary weapon she used on Jack, and in The Pre-Sequel, Jack is asked to describe his childhood which he says his mother abandoned him on his abusive grandmother who would smack him around. He also had a pet cat that his grandma drowned because he didn’t make his bed. He cites this as “the usual stuff” 

Jack has both genetics and environmental factors that can lead to someone having mental disorders. 

Jack’s drug use and drinking would aid in making his BPD symptoms much worse as well.

So...yeah, there’s my Jack analysis.

[parchmints]

JuLance Day 20 - Sacrifice

Check out my thread on twitter to see all the prompts at once (the tumblr app messes with formatting so I recommend twitter if you’re using mobile)! All prompts connect together to form one overarching story!

First | Previous | Next

day 20/31 - Sacrifice

Set two weeks after the start of their road trip. 

(So I totally wrote this last night before jds said anything about the Lions not having showers! But yeah, I know things look bad rn, but I’m gonna still write klance no matter what so I hope you can enjoy!)

Day 20: Sacrifice

The team has been traveling for two weeks and finally--finally--they find a planet with water. The Lions have plenty of rations to keep the team from getting dehydrated, but none of them have showered or washed their clothes in two weeks and Lance is in misery. He’s the first one to rush out of his Lion and bathe himself thoroughly in the nearby lake that’s surrounded by tall grass providing adequate privacy.

Later in the day, he takes his clothes, his extra bodysuits, and armor to the edge of the lake to give them all a good cleaning. It’s normally a chore he would hate--washing everything by hand--but it feels like a small luxury to him now. The cool water on his hands, the satisfying feeling of scrubbing away all the grime from the smooth fabric, how it all reminds him of his humanity; it’s just really nice.

He scrubs away, sudsing up his hands and the fabric of one of his bodysuits, making sure to get every nook-and-cranny when he hears something rustle behind him. He looks over his shoulder, and through the tall grass, Krolia’s tall frame emerges.

Surprised, Lance blinks up at her. They’ve never really talked since they started the road trip, as she always rides with Keith in Black, and he’s not super sure how to act around her. But when she gives him a kind smile, he feels a little bit more at ease.

“Mind if I join you?” she asks, lifting up a crate full of clothes for him to see.

“Oh, yeah. Of course.”

Krolia nods and Lance scooches to one side to give her enough room. She accepts the invitation and kneels down on the spot, grabbing a burnt orange shirt from the top of her pile. Lance goes back to his own pile and for several minutes, they silently wash their clothes.

Usually, Lance can start a conversation with anyone, but there’s something nerve-wracking about making small talk with Keith’s Galran mother. He weirdly wants to leave a good impression on her, which he attributes to always being that kid his friends’ parents loved. But somehow, it feels different.

Luckily, it’s Krolia who breaks the silence first.

“How are you holding up?” she asks, eyes still trained on her clothes.

“Oh, you mean with the whole space road trip thing? I mean, it’s kind of a drag with the whole lack of running water thing, but yeah, I’m okay. How about you?”

“Similarly. When Keith and I were on the quantum abyss creatures, we both had to learn patience, so it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Yeah. That must have been really hard--spending two years just floating around.”

“I think it was harder for Keith than for me.”

Lance looks at her then, curious to see her expression, but it’s blank as she continues to wash her garments. “Why?”

“Because,” she starts, a small smile pulling from her lips, “I got to spend two years with my son. There was no one else I desired to go back to, but that wasn’t true for him.”

“Do you mean us?” Lance asks, throat going dry. There was something so tragic about Keith losing two years of his life in the abyss of space while everything else continued on as normal.

Krolia nods at the question, still smiling. “He missed you all. I could tell. He spoke of you often and that--plus the visions I saw--I felt like I knew you all before I met you.”

“Wait, you saw visions of us? Like Keith’s memories?”   

“Something like that, yes.”

“Um, what did you see?”

Krolia smirks at the question and scrubs harder at the piece of cloth she’s working on.

“Just you causing a lot of problems for my son,” she says, looking at Lance with a sudden, menacing glare.

“I didn’t--I haven’t--” Lance starts, panicking.

“Relax,” Krolia starts, smile returning. “I’m kidding. Actually, I’ve been meaning to thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?”

“You’ve been a good friend to Keith. Especially after Shiro disappeared. I appreciate you being there for him.”

“Oh, well, I mean, it was no big deal--”

“No, it was. And I know Keith thinks so as well,” Krolia says with such authority that Lance can’t disagree with her.

“Oh,” Lance says, putting his attention back on his half-clean bodysuit. “Then, you’re welcome.”

Krolia doesn’t respond and instead goes back to her task, but the silence is less tense than before. Lance lets himself get sucked into the calming repetitiveness of wringing out the fabric and the gentle sound of cloth being swished around in water.

“Are you excited to go back?” Krolia asks, breaking the silence again.

“Oh, man, I can’t wait,” Lance says, smile popping up on his face before he can think to control it. “I’m gonna see my family, go surfing, eat ice cream, tons of stuff. You were on Earth before, right? Are you excited to go back?”

“I was, yes, but I had to rejoin the Blade. I wouldn’t say excited is the right word, but I will be glad to see Earth again.”

Lance watches her, curious to see how she looks in that moment, because he can definitely hear the sad lilt in her voice. “You left to rejoin the Blade?”

“Not exactly. I left to keep Earth and the two most important people to me safe. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“That’s...awful. I’m sorry.”

“I did what I had to.”

Lance tries to put himself in her shoes, tries to imagine having a family and then having to leave them because your very presence puts them in danger.

It’s actually...not that hard to imagine.

Because it’s fairly similar to his own situation.

Lance’s stomach drops at the realization. He’s always felt guilty about leaving Earth without any way to contact his family, but now that they’re actually going home, what if his family is angry? What if they’re hurt and they never look at him the same way again?

“Krolia, can I ask you a question?” Lance asks, voice a little shaky. Krolia must be able to hear the tremor because she stops washing to look at Lance.

“What is it?”

“Just...um, when you had to go, was Keith’s dad mad? What about Keith? Was he mad when he saw you again?”

Krolia tilts her head, confused. “Why are you asking me this?”

Lance’s hands tighten around the wet bodysuit he’s holding and his mouth goes dry.

“I didn’t--I wasn’t able to tell my family when we got blasted into space and I guess I was just wondering how they might react when I get back…”

“I see…” Krolia says before sighing. “Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but Keith’s father wasn’t angry, just sad. We both were. And Keith, he…” She stops and closes her eyes for just a moment to collect herself before continuing on. “It was tense at first, but when I explained it to him, when he realized the sacrifice I made to keep the Earth safe, to keep him safe, I think he understood. He knows now that it wasn’t something I wanted to do, but something I had to do.”

Lance stares at her and his heart squeezes because it hits him now, more than ever, what a bad hand Keith and his family were dealt. He shouldn’t have even brought this up since it’s obviously a painful memory.

“I’m really sorry, Krolia,” Lance says, sincere.

“Don’t apologize. I wouldn’t have done anything differently,” she says, looking at her knees before looking back up at Lance. “But Lance, I think that even if you scared your family, and even if they get mad, I think they’ll listen to you. I think once they hear of everything you’ve done and all the sacrifices you’ve made, they’ll understand. It might not happen overnight, but they’ll understand.”

Krolia smiles at him then, small but warm and it’s in that moment that Lance thinks she feels very much like a mother.

He smiles back at her. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

“And Krolia?”

“Yes?”

“I’m really, really glad you and Keith found each other again.”

Krolia’s eyes widen just a fraction at the sentiment, but then go soft as she lets herself smile again. Lance thinks she has a silent warmth to her that reminds him vaguely of Keith.

“Yes,” she says, grabbing another piece of clothing from her crate. “I am too.”

[sserpente]

A/N: No matter how many times you re-watch The Avengers… you always come up with new ideas.

Words: 1336 Warnings: death, angst

“Phil, no, this is a bad idea. You have seen what Loki is capable of, let it go.”

“Let it go? Let it go and let him escape? I think highly of you, Agent (Y/N). Don’t make me change my mind.”

Seething rage was boiling in your stomach as you clenched your fists and watched Agent Coulson open one of the weapon’s store rooms. You were fairly new—barely finished your apprenticeship to become an agent for SHIELD and unlike all your ingrained colleagues, you still relied on your gut feeling instead of pure, rational thinking.

Loki was dangerous. You had seen him fight with Steve in Stuttgart, you had witnessed the raw strength and the bitter doggedness with which he had fought as if he were trying to prove something. What the others saw in him was a ruthless monster that didn’t care about human lives, what you saw… was a hurt man who had been lied to one time too much. That’s what made him dangerous, unpredictable and incalculable. And that’s why you were afraid of him, afraid of this handsome young demi-god with raven hair and stinging blue eyes that made your knees threaten to give in whenever you looked at him.

You had watched him in his cage, guarding him for a while. Those smug and calculated steps, that mischievous smile promising he was in on a joke you did not yet understand. You had spent hours attempting to understand that wicked mind of his to no avail and knew that if Coulson took on Loki alone now, it would not end well.

Loki had a conscious—you knew he did. Yet you also knew that he would not hesitate, especially if your former tutor threatened to kill him with… whatever weapon this was. The gun Coulson grabbed was huge and heavy, reminding you of the metal beast Loki had sent to Earth a while back.

Your look was doubtful but Coulson only nodded bravely in response and then marched towards the part of the ship where the glass cage was located.

You stormed in right after him, your blood running cold at what you saw. Instead of Loki, you spotted Thor trapped in the cage that had restricted Loki’s powers only seconds ago—or perhaps they hadn’t, you were not sure—his hand hovering over the red button that would drop the cage thousands of feet out of the sky.

“Move away, please.” You heard Coulson say sternly, the metal gun in his hands aimed at Loki who, only slowly, raised his hands in defeat. Too easy, your gut feeling murmured.

“You like this? We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don’t know what it does. Wanna find out?” Coulson loaded the weapon to highlight his words, the metal starting to glow in an eerie orange light in his hands, ready to kill.

It was then a gasp escaped your lips, drowned by Thor’s desperate “No” from behind the glass as he brought his fist to the transparent material.

Loki had disappeared before you, the shape of his impressive body vanishing in a green shimmering light only for him to manifest again right behind Coulson. He had no time to react, for the God of Mischief had already plunged the pointy tip of his blue glowing sceptre into his back.

He fell to the ground with a loud thump, a frightening stain of blood spreading on his white shirt as you stared at him with utter shock and horror pumping through your veins.

And then, Loki turned to you, taking a step forward as if to dare you to try and attack him as well. His blue eyes bore into yours as if to jinx you and quite frankly, it worked.

Any rational thinking agent would try anything to stop him now, attack him only to die knowing they had done everything in their power to protect the world from evil.

Maybe you were too selfish to be a SHIELD agent after all.

Stumbling back clumsily, you raised your hands in defeat as your lips parted, ready to beg for your life. You meant to harm. You were desperate to understand this complicated man before you instead.

For a moment, Loki simply stood there, the now bloody tip of his sceptre pointed but not aimed at you. He tilted his head so slightly you doubted he had actually moved, yet the frown on his face was clearly visible. Whatever he saw in your eyes, it convinced him to spare you.

“The humans think us immortal,” he suddenly started, finally dragging his blue gaze away from you to turn back to Thor. “Should we test that?”

You should bolt right now, get help and inform a medical team that Phil had been injured. But you were glued to the spot, unable to take your eyes off this fascinating and hazardous man. You had seen something in his eyes too, flashing briefly, barely there. He was hiding his true emotions, covering them under a pile of gruesomeness, cruelty and anger.

He hit the red button without giving it a second thought. A loud cracking filled the room, in the next moment, Thor and the glass cage were gone. Was he certain Thor would survive this? Was he certain that a cage made of glass shattering on the hard ground would do no grave harm to him? Did he really mean to kill his own brother?

There were too many questions and no time to ask even one of them. The fear was still clawing at your guts and paralysing you completely, with only your head turning to Coulson. He was weak. The realisation hit you—he was going to die.

“You’re going to lose,” he muttered quietly.

Loki stopped dead in his tracks. He had not paid any further attention to you but now that he turned around again, his blue eyes locked with yours once more before wandering over to Coulson’s pathetic form on the floor.

His smooth voice was all but charming when he spoke up. “Am I?”

“It’s in your nature,” he continued. Don’t anger him.

“Your heroes are scattered, your floating fortress falls from the sky… where is my disadvantage?”

“You lack conviction.”

He was wrong. Coulson was wrong… or was he? Did Coulson see what you saw? That whatever damage and death Loki caused on Earth he did not cause wholeheartedly? You had never seen a man with so much faith and suddenly, you understood what you had seen in Loki’s eyes. It was hope. After everything that had happened, he was still hoping. For what, you didn’t know. But you were curious to find out.

Loki’s expression darkened. “I don’t think I—“

Woosh. You flinched when Coulson pulled the trigger and activated the gun, a blast of glistening orange light sending the God of Mischief flying back into the nearby wall which burst with the impact.

Had it killed him? Was he dead? Panic flooded you, accompanied by biting shame. Agent Phil Coulson, your former tutor and friend was dying right before your eyes and you were worried if Loki had survived his last attack.

What was it about him that fascinated you so much, that made you hoping for his life?

It was the roaring of a helicopter that finally pulled you from your trance-like state, having you drop to your knees to check on Coulson. Only when you turned your head to watch Loki climb on the helicopter with his deadly sceptre in hand, you noticed him watching you with a cheeky smirk on his thin lips.

Not because your friend and tutor was dying and not because it was a silent promise for how he would come back to take your life as well—but because he knew that you were going to meet again and then… upon experiencing once more the painful feelings in his blue eyes, you would willingly fall to your knees before him.

A/N: If you enjoyed this story, would you care to support me by buying me a cuppa? I would appreciate it so much! ko-fi.com/sserpente

[parkershawss]

So, if you played the newest chapter of Perfect Match, you would have seen Hayden IMMEDIATELY try to leave and search for Steve as soon as they knew he was missing, without even stopping for a second and figuring out a plan of action with MC and Nadia, such as phoning the police. MC even has to stop them because they’re moving so fast. This struck me as odd, mainly because Steve and Hayden have literally only known each other for a few days at most? I mean, chapter wise, they only met two chapters ago. 

So, they’ve only just met Steve, yet they’re considering going out to find him? Alone? Without even alerting the police? Now, this could be explained because Hayden is a nice person, who realises how much Nadia loves Steve, and wants to ensure his safety, but...even Nadia didn’t immediately try to run out of the house so she could try to find him. Despite her tears and anxiety, she was still rational, and phoned his father before alerting MC and Hayden. Hayden didn’t once stop and consider whether his father or the police were alerted, and whether they were out looking out for him. So again, why did Hayden immediately spring into action for someone they barely know?

Here’s my theory: Hayden and Steve is a robot who has a chip/system designed to register danger. Once danger is registered, this chip/system overrides everything, and causes Hayden to act accordingly.

Also note: this theory may be a reach/confusing, but I wanted to get this out!

So, we already know that Eros is guaranteed to find your perfect match. It does this by providing you with an individual who fits your every wish and desire. A lot of choices players, myself included, felt that someone just showing up on your doorstep who happens to fit the exact requirements you specified in an interview earlier that day is pretty damn shady. If Hayden is a robot, made to fit a specific model/personality (as I believe they are), Eros obviously needs a starting point, or a base model to work with and build upon, let’s say. Even though there are 16 different types (i think) of perfect matches, Eros obviously need to add base characteristics/systems to them all. For example, the robots need to be friendly, need to know how to communicate, need to know good manners, know how to register when something is funny etc. And, they need to know how to care for someone, and how to love.

This last point is fairly obvious: since their whole purpose is designed to provide someone with their perfect match for love, they need to be able to love them back. And of course, everybody wants someone to provide emotional care for them, which the robots will also provide through love. But what about physical care? What about being able to protect their lovers? Surely a company like Eros would realise that there are potentials for the service users to be hurt, or to be placed in danger. Not even the service users, if anyone was in danger, Eros can’t just expect their robots to just stand there and not do anything! It’d be too suspicious! Hence, my theory about the chip/system designed to register danger, and to cause their robots to drop everything and act accordingly, whether it’s by saving someone, or by providing care. And this is what I think caused Hayden to react to Steve’s disappearance in the...’overreacted’ way they did, without being rational or taking a moment to think.

Before I discuss Steve going missing, let’s discuss MC, and how Hayden pulled them out of the wreck by pulling the jammed door open. Sure, it could be down to adrenaline, as I’ve mentioned, but as I’ve also said, adrenaline is a very convenient excuse to hide Hayden’s potentially robotic identity. Now, Hayden’s willingness to save MC is explainable: they’re our LI, and our perfect match. But we actually don’t know how Nadia or Steve got out, since MC blacked out, and presumably Nadia did too, as she never mentioned how she got out, just that MC was found lying outside the car, which could have been said to her by Steve, Hayden or a doctor/fireman. What if Hayden and Steve helped them both out? Or, if Steve was blacked out malfunctioning, did Hayden pull him out too? Of course, this theory is still a little weak, as any of the gang would probably try to help everyone get out, regardless of whether or not they’re our LI. 

But, the fact that Steve, and/or Hayden would need a huge amount of strength to PULL OPEN MULTIPLE JAMMED DOORS, pull somebody out and away from the wreck, and then go back and help others without another thought seems strange to me. Of course, this could be adrenaline, and I’m not sure how long it actually lasts, but would adrenaline really allow them to be able to do this, potentially for three times? And as I’ve said, adrenaline is a good excuse for their robotic strength and resilience. Now obviously, they can’t show this strength all the time, since it’d be suspicious. But what if this strength is only brought on in times of need, say for example, when people are in danger, and they know they have to help? And because they've been programmed to know that they need to help before doing anything else, any other actions are overrided?

Now, onto Steve going missing. As I’ve said, Hayden’s reaction is odd. Whilst MC and Nadia are rational, and try to figure out a plan of action, Hayden immediately tries to leave and find Steve...someone they barely know. What if this is their system kicking in again? All they know is someone’s missing and potentially in danger, and they have to find them. They can’t act rationally, because this overrides their systems. They were made to care for others, and dammit, that’s what they’ll do!

I’m aware this is probably a total reach, but you can’t deny that Hayden’s reaction was weird...too weird. Please let me know what you think!!

[tinnefoil]

The power of POV

After writing this long response to why I find the way Mon-El acts in 3x07 a bit choppy it got me thinking on Point of View. Basically a big deal in television that sort of exists underneath just the events of the plot is the question of point of view. Whose point of view are we sharing, whose point of view does the story follow and which characters show up in that point of view but don't necessarily have their own. 

To me, in 3x07 Kara's emotional red thread throughout the episode is much clearer. 

- She arrives at the ship, does her typical hero stuff, doesn't count on Mon-El being there, is surprised and is shocked to see him. She embraces him because of course it's an emotional moment for her. 

- He is taken to the DEO and she is there by his side, being protective of him. She already seems a bit worried that he doesn't react the way she expects him to react, that he doesn't respond to her in kind. She (my interpretation) for now chalks this up to him being tired/messed up and so she stops him from talking and encourages him to get some sleep. 

- James and Kara watch a sleeping Mon-El. Kara admits that Mon-El has seemed different, more distant, but they are still looking for a rational explanation. Kara expresses some hopefulness about how things might develop. 

- Kara does her typical hero stuff and knocks Mon-El out. 

- Kara confronts Mon-El his cell. At this point she is freaking out. She goes from easy explanations (he is just tired, he has been through a lot), through more extreme scenarios to explain his behavior (it's not really you). She is freaking out because he does not behave like she expects him to behave, because he doesn't act like he is in love with her anymore, because he doesn't respond to her attempts to connect with him. She breaks down a bit and opens up how sucky things have been for her. When he doesn't respond she circles back to her season arc about wanting to get rid of her human heart and walks out.  

- Kara finds out that Mon-El has disappeared and follows him to the ship. Once more she confronts him, this time more angrily as opposed to tearfully like before. This time he responds and tells her something. Note that so far (my interpretation) Kara's basis for "you are different/you have changed" has been that he acts like he doesn't care for her. That's why she zeroes in on the necklace. Because that contradicts the impression he has been building up so far. 

In a lot of ways this serves as the climax of this particular thread. Over the episode, Kara's worry and unease build and build because he won't respond to her/won't confirm that there is something off about him. Here Kara's point of view is vindicated because Mon-El finally gives her some real information. 

- Now the story shifts to a new aspect. The why. Things go haywire. Kara frees Imra from the pod. Mon-El fusses over her, Kara looks worried. => Kara has established that yes, Mon-El is different, but what is the cause? He said it's because it's been 7 years, but is that enough of a cause? Or is Imra the real cause why Mon-El is so distant with her? 

- They return to the DEO, Mon-El reveals Imra's name, Kara looks worried some more and gets a small scene where she recaps to Alex what she has found out and gets some sympathy. 

- Kara then joins Mon-El on the balcony. I would argue structurally, this scene serves almost as Kara's "reward" (or as a taste of something, a bit calm before the storm, only to have it be snatched away). Mon-El apologizes to her. Mon-El assures her that their relationship was important to him. Mon-El tries to cheer her up. 

- And then *wham* cliffhanger and Kara reacts to it. 

The "flow" of Kara's emotions in this episode is consistent. They go from A to B to C. The episode is about Kara's concerns over how Mon-El is acting slowly starting to grow and then exploding in that scene where she confronts him. 

By comparison, I don't think that the episode really explained the contrast of Mon-El being really unresponsive to Kara in the prison cell scene and way, way, way cordial and friendly in the balcony scene. Even if you interpret this to be not because of Kara, but of Saturn, can you really say that from that point of view this is consistent writing? 

Note: The point here is not to say or imply that Mon-El is a meanie for trying to cheer up with Kara while Saturn's condition in unclear. The point here is that the writers did not prioritize giving Mon-El a consistent logical flow of emotion.  (presuming for now no wonky mind control stuff)

If the episode had been more about his point of view, then maybe the scene would have gone more like, okay, Mon-El tells Alex to keep him updated on Saturn's health. Mon-El goes to the balcony. Kara joins him and makes a comment along the lines of "wow, tough thing, it seems like you like her a lot". And then maybe Mon-El would have started babbling about guilt and KARA would have been the one to try to cheer him up and get him to laugh despite himself. 

Or maybe Kara would have asked about Imra and Mon-El would have stared into the void and then switched aprupty to humor to hammer it home to us, the audience, that this a coping mechanism. 

First, there’s nothing special about that, it happens all the time. Characters switch around who has the dominant point of view. If you remember, in season 2 it was one of the biggest complaints that Mon-El got point of view too frequently (I personally actually found them fairly balanced and actually liked that about them as a story).  

A good example of this is when Mon-El has feelings for Kara but the show does not tell us exactly whether Kara returns them. 

Or to give another example, Sanvers. 

Alex wrestles with her emotions. Alex confesses to Maggie. Maggie says she is not interested. Alex meets with Kara and gets A!!! BIG!!! ACTING!!!!! moment where she reacts to her heartbreak. 

A few episodes later Maggie confesses that she’s interested in Alex after all. 

We don’t see exactly why Maggie changed her mind. 

It’s not wrong or immoral to change your mind on somebody. 

It’s not even unrealistic that somebody would change their mind on dating somebody. 

The point is that we didn’t see it on screen. 

It wasn’t spelled out to us the way let’s say Mon-El falling for Kara was spelled out to us in every little detail, with all the steps in between. 

Here, Maggie took an action (rejecting Alex), Alex reacted to it. A few episodes later Maggie took a different action (telling Alex she misses her), but we don’t see the steps in between, we don’t see those moments where Maggie misses Alex. [and yes, I realize there was that scene in between where Maggie is upset that Alex is standoffish to her in a work context, but imo that scene was more about Alex getting a chance to tell Maggie off than it was to illustrate why Maggie misses Alex on a personal level] 

So, back to Mon-El. 

Why?

Now I would clearly say, because they want it to be a mystery. They let him act in a way that makes it not clear to us or Kara what is up. 

Or to produce maximum drama and ACTING!!! opportunity. 

Maybe there’s also an element of the writers wanting to compensate for the criticism of last season that the arc wasn’t clearly enough Kara focused. 

Or maybe the writer of the episode just felt that way. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hi! Ive been really confused about the whole Dean Cas relationship. Like I know Dean cares for Cas deeply but it's no where near what Cas has done for Dean(giving up everything he has) So like am I not noticing something here or like is their dynamic like that?

I don’t think relationships should be measured by what one gives up for the other. I think it’s something the show accidentally imparts with all the dramatic self-sacrifice but it’s something the show has also been trying to dismantle since season 8, with the plot thread of showing the codependency between Sam and Dean as unhealthy instead of something to glorify, and attempting to move them to a healthier place with more people to rely on and less dependence on each other to the point of ceasing to function when the other is dead.

I’m sorry to keep going back to @superspecpod but maybe it’s just because it’s out loud meta so the words stick in my head differently, but I’m remembering them talking in the most recent (”super lost plotlines” or something) about how Cas would want to see Dean sacrifice for him in a way for the narrative to show us Dean cares as much for Cas as he does for Sam, and as Cas does for him. But at the same time really really don’t want it for Dean’s sake because it will be putting him in a really bad place, regressing his dependent tendencies back again but putting them on Cas instead of Sam, and just be another character development mountain to climb.

I think it’s also weird that the way the show has been telling it, things swing around about how much we think one or the other loves more desperately than the other - I remember reading season 8 meta that was deeply upset or addressing deep upset that Dean seemed to love Cas enormously but Cas wouldn’t reciprocate and was there a chance Cas would EVER seem to love Dean as much as Dean loves him? 

I also think that as of 12x19 the show is officially starting to convey that Cas’s give it all up for Dean over and over pattern is just as bad for him as Dean’s similar problem with sacrificing for Sam, so the fact Cas keeps on doing it is a problem he needs help with not a way that he gestures he loves Dean so much more.

I think honestly, though, you can see how much Dean loves Cas ALL the time and it does not have to be in grand gestures to be enormous and meaningful. He bonds very closely to Cas immediately and disproportionately trusts him to talk to about deep and meaningful things, like their conversation in 4x07, or the one in the hospital bed in 4x16, or the absent fathers conversation in 5x17 (and I think actually a gifset just fell out my queue recently showing Cas giving up on God in 5x16 and the reaction shot Dean had in the middle of that - he FEELS for Cas). I think he has a deep and important feeling for Cas that grows naturally and well and is the healthiest and best relationship he has in his life - even over Bobby who is a bit of a double edged sword of tough love and alcoholism enabling. 

I once asked what the earliest moment of like… just raw affection for Cas Dean ever showed was and the answer was fairly unanimous about the end of 5x04:

I mean, like… Yeah, this is what their dynamic is but I think Dean’s honestly got the better end of the stick because he’s not navigating it as an angel who’s never bothered to care about relationship drama in a zillion years until walking smack into an epic romance, and Dean is far from perfect at handling his feelings for Cas but in no way is this a sad thing for Cas that Dean somehow won’t return his feelings clearly enough via sacrificing himself.

I think for Dean a lot of it is marked by losing Cas and reacting in ways which show us how much he cared but couldn’t say it - I don’t think it’s defined by actions so much as what Dean has not SAID to Cas. 

In 6x20, which for me is The Shipping Episode that got me on this track way back when, Cas and Dean BOTH show love and heartbreak and it’s the nature of it which breaks them up. Cas loves Dean fiercely and protectively and the metaphor of him watching invisibly and deciding what is best for Dean applies broadly to him as an angel in this position of what he thinks is responsibility or on the flip side, in service to Dean as a guardian angel of sorts (and in this episode he openly admits he considers himself to be their guardian, which I see as basically another seal breaking on his downfall that year). Dean on the other hand is devoted and protective emotionally, desperate to give Cas the benefit of doubt and not to believe that Cas - CAS, you guys! - could possibly be working behind their backs on a stinking awful plan. The betrayal hurts Dean so much and it’s all shown in contrast to Bobby and Sam, who form a fairly rational side to the issue, and walk on eggshells around Dean about it. As much as the episode reveals Cas’s investment in Dean, it reveals Dean’s in Cas. And by the last scene where they talk privately, that it really is about THEM and their personal philosophy and their investment in each other, that is what the whole mess is truly about. 

And in season 7 Dean takes Cas’s death and betrayal extremely hard (and personally, since Sam and Bobby are still hanging out not taking it so hard) and cites it repeatedly as why he’s so messed up and having issues with everything… And then Cas comes back and Dean gets most of an episode to react to it, plus private time to talk to Cas in 7x21 in one of the best scenes of the show where they play Sorry and when you take it from Dean’s side, he’s so so frustrated and feels he’s still lost Cas and can’t talk to him, and he just wants things to go back to how they were and skip to the end of the game where it’s all better and they’ve apologised because it’s just so hard to deal with all of this at once that Cas being back has brought up for him… Like this is his face when he’s working up the courage to go into the room and talk to Cas…

And everything about it, really - just that it’s on Dean to have this conversation and it’s on Dean to make up with Cas. Season 7′s entire plot can only resolve when Dean properly makes up with Cas. Getting Dick is ONLY something they can do when Dean and Cas are friends again. And that entire thing rests on Dean to work through his complicated feelings about Cas and give him a heartfelt moment which will get to the apologies and forgiveness PROPERLY and meaningfully… I mean we do not talk enough about how season 7 DEPENDS on the Destiel arc resolving in order for them to resolve the main arc killing the big bad stuff. It’s basically a power of love thing. Although it’s not intentional because they killed Cas off for good at the start of the season, it ended up turning the structure of the season into betrayal and death, to resurrection and forgiveness. And as the season starts on Godstiel right in the crosshairs and ends on Dean and Cas making up, fighting Dick, and in Purgatory together (and then not), it’s genuinely the most Destiel-structured season I can think of, because it plays THAT key a role… And because of the way Cas is written, it’s almost entirely about DEAN’S love for Cas, and not the other way around. Cas is incapacitated on dealing with this arc for the entire season except “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you” and Cas’s memory coming back flashbacks - all the rest is stuff we get from Dean’s perspective or about Dean’s feelings. He kept the trenchcoat!!!

And in season 8 where people were worried Cas wouldn’t reciprocate Dean, we have all the stuff like 8x07′s Gothic romance horror intro of Cas in visions and lightning storms and Dean mis-remembering what happened in Purgatory to not feel Cas’s rejection so sharply and blame himself for Cas dying instead, and Cas controlled and disappearing off because Naomi was stopping him from chilling with his friends or repenting for what he did to Heaven on his own terms… I actually think that 8x17 shows more strongly that Cas loves Dean because of all the stuff we see from inside Cas’s head and all the dead Deans, so I guess the meta I mentioned was more worried that Cas would never be in a place he could say or understand it? Or very shortsighted, forgetting season 6. But anyway in the crypt scene Dean helps Cas overcome the brainwashing by pleading to him from a place of love and that’s after what is basically summed up by “if he’s so sketchy why were you praying to him” because 8x16 really showed that Dean cared about CAS as much as he cared about Cas’s ability to heal Sam, when he made the deeply intimate prayer to him. 

And in 8x23 Dean hangs with Cas for 8 hours and gets halfway through the ET goes home speech before it’s interrupted, but clearly shows how much it hurts him that Cas is locking himself away in Heaven. I don’t care that it’s understated and interrupted, it’s a hugely powerful “I don’t want to say goodbye” moment and it means as much to me as a huge personal sacrifice or something, because this is all showing Dean getting to grips with just how much Cas means to him and how much he doesn’t want to lose him, which like season 7 focusing on Dean learning to talk to Cas and forgive him, are all core relationship building blocks to show us how much Dean loves Cas and to help Dean through understanding Cas and how he feels… Since the “I need you” he’s on a path where he’s struggling to find the right words, and between them it’s REALLY words not actions.

In season 9 he is worried about Cas to start with, flips out in 9x03 while looking for him, but then the show wants us to know how fucked up things are between him and Sam that it uses kicking Cas out as another blow for how far Dean will go to protect Sam. It’s meant to be awful because Cas means SO MUCH to Dean it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t care, but it’s like the sort of violation of cutting off a limb to save Sam. And the fact it hurts so much and he feels so awful and goes to Cas in 9x06 and struggles with telling him or not in 9x09 is important too. It’s small things but that doesn’t mean it’s unimportant that Dean spends this time with Cas struggling and guilty. 

When he takes the Mark he gets distant from Cas and yet he still has emotionally charged interactions and in 9x22, all angry and messed up with the Mark, he brings up a lot of their past conflict out of mis-directed fear for Cas (which season 12 has in their fight in 12x10 as well) and yet at the end of the episode he saves basically his last smile for months for Cas because in the middle of everything he takes the lesson that Cas will do anything for him and seems to truly care for him - and it’s all being contrasted against how messed up things are with Sam, that he snaps at him that it’s a dictatorship and then walks around the corner to TRY and be gentle with Cas… 

Again, really understated but when its showing his raw feelings for Cas vs Sam at that point, it’s all flipped around from the start of the season being unfairly weighed towards Sam to now looking better for Cas, because he’s so done with having a brother (as demon!Dean will tell us at great length in a few episodes >.>) - I think also the fact Dean is becoming demonised contrasted with the “in love with humanity” stuff going on with Cas is meant to be deeply ironic that as Cas is finally getting to grips with his feelings for Dean via Metatron’s endless taunting, Dean is losing the ability to give back, and it’s a tragedy that he loses this softness.

In season 10 Dean looks so lost when Cas leaves in 10x03 and that’s all miscommunication and not saying the right words to him when Cas has now moved around to being the one who leaves (and I think Dean thinks Cas and Hannah are an item, which does NOT help). He’s distant with Cas all season (except the Burger Date where he sends Sam away to talk to Cas and ask how he’s doing :’)) but there’s the Colette parallel and I think it’s generally accepted if you stayed on board with it that 10x22 proved that Cas was Colette, Dean’s romantic figure and with 10x14 more clear as well that Crowley was Cain’s Abaddon in that list, since 9x11 implied they’d had a thing as well so there was a love triangle with them just as with Dean Cas and Crowley. Anyway 10x22 was awful but the culmination of that irony about Cas losing Dean’s heart, and a tiny weeny hope for Cas that Dean didn’t kill him and could still be saved from the Mark. And another communication block that Cas poured out a ton of huge emotional words and Dean was in a place where he could not reply or accept that Cas would be with him forever whether he likes it or not.

In season 11 thankfully we go back to Dean caring about Cas and he does so in spades, going back to being the one to talk to him on the phone, asking about him, and then when he’s possessed, worrying about him and driving himself spare trying to find a way to save him. 11x17 only happened because Sam wanted to get Dean out of the house to stop him wasting away into a pile of obscure lore books about Lucifer. They didn’t NEED to flash back and explain how the Winchesters got on the case, at least as far back as the Bunker, but they did and it was 99% to tell us that Sam was concerned about how hurt Dean was. The end of 11x14 was also more importantly about Cas because even if it was about an incidental thing that happened in one episode, those things always serve the main arc and since the submarine wasn’t ever a thing again, that last look was aaaaall about Cas or to compare how Dean felt about the smaller thing to the bigger thing and make it that much harder to handle - losing Cas.

Dean is shown to OBVIOUSLY and DEEPLY love Cas without doing anything stupid to save him, but in 11x18 he argues to the point of ridiculousness about protecting Cas to achieve their goals, and when they inevitably get to the confrontation, Crowley and Sam concede to Dean’s wish to talk to Cas first and at least TRY to get him to kick Lucifer out. And Dean is a wreck while this all goes down:

and keeps yelling for Cas long after Lucifer regains control, Amara shows up, etc. And considering the season he had so far with Amara, the episode shows that hands down weird bond with God’s sister or no, if Cas is in the room then Dean’s first priority is him.

The whole set up is soaked in love narrative stuff thanks to Amara and earlier MotW in the midseason using buckets of tropes and outright telling Dean he’s in love with someone… Dean might not have done anything self-sacrificing at this point but it’s obvious that his love is not just, like… caring a lot for Cas… but something huge and defining and powerful enough for him to forget all the enormous forces in the room beyond his control and to call for Cas and to fight for him above everything else. 

And in 11x21 he goes and does something reckless and potentially self-sacrificing to buy time for Sam to take the weirdest group of characters ever to rescue Lucifer - and by Lucifer he means Cas. He goes and confronts Amara and she sees that he’s distracted and buying time and that once again his concern for Cas is a stronger pull on his thoughts than even the great abyss of peace and quiet she offers him if she were to consume him. Essentially, he loves Cas enough to overcome this call of oblivion which he and Amara both say he’s deeply drawn to. 

In 11x23 there’s more miscommunication and not having the right words where he calls Cas a brother while trying to convey how much he means to him, still ducking under what Cas means to him AND Sam which I think was important in that moment to let Cas know he’s family through and through - and season 12 works on this more by using Mary to create an even larger family unit for him to be a part of. I think Cas saying he loves them in 12x12 raises the bar to the sort of communication Dean needs to reciprocate and hasn’t done verbally. But aside from all the other regular stuff where Dean is singled out to be concerned about Cas, like… all of 12x10 for example, where Dean’s concern for Cas is clearly shown and compared to romantic love, and to be the more pure, uncomplicated, just plain… I love you… feeling going on there. He also corrects finally that when he’s pissed at Cas it’s because he’s worried because he loves him so much he doesn’t want Cas to get hurt not that he’s angry about what Cas did. Though of course he doesn’t use “love”, because that would get us too far. But still, the burden of showing love and care to Cas is on Dean. And oh boy now I can crack out my favourite gif :D

The Hand Clench, aka I love you so much it hurts but I’m scared to express it so I will just touch you in a lingering way and then  be really alarmed by how it feels because touching you isn’t like touching everyone else. In 12x12 his touch also lingers when he helps Cas up at the end. And he denies how bad it is when Cas is dying and we get personal reactions about how it affects Dean emotionally that we do not get with Sam and Mary in the same way, that they’re concerned for Cas directly, but Dean is both that AND taking a personal loss at the same time.

And then at some undefined point in the story, Dean gave Cas a mixtape, and honestly just find my mixtape tag (top 13 zepp traxx) and have a scroll about what everyone else shrieked. But it’s a gesture of love, however you read it (unless your reading is PRETENDING that this isn’t a trope and if it is the trope means nothing), and a scene with beautiful romantic subtext. And this is meant to convey to us that offscreen Dean does gestures of kindness to Cas, and that away even from Cas Dean stressed over making this tape. And there is something of a revelation in that Dean made Cas a mixtape, because holy crap is it a powerful emotional thing to do and a way to convey some deep deep feelings of love and care. Like, Dean is at “give your crush a mixtape” levels of feeling for Cas. Non-verbally, he’s screaming at Cas that he loves him.

And again, that is a HEALTHY, NORMAL romantic trope which to me has far more power than self-sacrifice and giving things up for love. It’s about building things UP for love. For creating and sharing. For a scene that makes it clear that Dean just wants Cas AROUND, for him not to leave, for them to be together as a team and a family. And we’re right back to the irony that Cas is struggling to belong and not on this same level where Dean is working through stuff he probably hasn’t felt and acted on since, like… Cassie… Maybe trying to do nice things for Lisa sometimes between season 5 and 6. That feeling of love being powerful in a good way where it brings things into your life and you want to foster closeness and connection and not lose this person over and over and over again. 

So of course Cas leaves to do things on a big scale to protect Dean in ways Dean doesn’t want. Like season 6, he’d rather just Cas be WITH him through thick and thin and the fight be horrible and hard to win but at least they’re in it together. 

And Cas is the sort of person that I think Dean would want to fight alongside and win with, instead of his repeatedly predicted endgame of dying alone and bloody in a fight. That sort of, I don’t want to die for you, I want to live for you love, as some gifset I reblogged recently smashed my heart with. Which has been shown in several of these examples like 11x21 where he overcame what was essentially Amara’s call for him to die because of Cas. And in 12x09 Cas metaphorically kills Billie in a way to end Dean’s determination to sacrifice for his family and make these deals (because of course he made that deal meaning to be the Winchester to die and it all went out of his control). I think it’s something they’re working on bit by bit and it’s only just starting to sneak into the main arcs, like how I think it only became a real discussion for Cas in 12x19 not to sacrifice for them any more and just to be with Dean. 

But I really really do not want Dean’s love for Cas to not be seen as equal or balanced until he does something to sacrifice himself for Cas because I think the love he shows is already strong, and good, and weirdly uncomplicated at least in many of the ways things in Dean’s life ARE complicated. Maybe it has some other complications but NOT the ones which make his family so painful for him and create these terrible displays of self-sacrifice. I don’t think Dean doing that for Cas will make his love somehow more valid. And likewise I think he’ll be happier with his love for Sam or Mary when he doesn’t feel the obligation to die for them because that’s as much about his self-worth and other struggles than his actual LOVE for them. I don’t think you can love harder by hurting yourself for someone. (Which just reminds me of 12x07 and Lucifer thinking this was what was good and getting that poor fan to carve Vince’s name into her chest.)

So… gah. Yes of course their dynamic is different but it is no way imbalanced that Dean does not love Cas ~as much~ just because Cas self-sacrifices for Dean. It’s a false measure of love which can’t be use for point scoring  or it just ignores every other feeling they ever have.

[sniickt]

uHHhhHh hey everyone ! underneath the cut u can read up abt laura h. kinney. there’s two sections, longer headcanons that focus more on backstory not incl in her bio & short headcanons that are just lil #facts, but ill eventually get a history page up or smth so !! this is just for now !! enjoy !!

the first thing that you learn is how to be alone. you learn, or suffer. it is an easy lesson. you suffer more when people are around. people make you feel alone, and loneliness is a quiet wound.

meet LAURA HOWLETT KINNEY ( legally X-23-23 ); the TWENTY ONE year old daughter of LOGAN HOWLETT / THE WOLVERINE, who hails from CANADA onEARTH-TRN414. Here she lived with the remainder of the X-MEN and the other TRANSIGEN KIDS.

short, fun, mostly unimportant headcanons. 

she’s possessive af. like. i mean it, fam. laura comes from a place where like.. food and things are rationed. new supplies have to be gathered, every other week. having material items you’re attached to is a no-no, but if you do, you keep that shit SAFE. it’s a hard habit to break from, so just... don’t mess w her shit, ok. 

there’s not much of a problem at wdu with this stuff, but.. just keep the ever loving fuck away from her w firearms or knives or weapons of literally any description. she don’t mess w that shit, and she won’t hesitate to mess w you for bringing that shit.

also. just. don’t fight her. don’t try it. don’t even think it. i’m 99% sure she smells fear, but 100% sure she does Not go halves in any sort of fight.

she doesn’t have an issue with a ‘trigger scent’ like her comic book self - rather, much like logan, trn414 laura’s issue is with her own rage. when she hits a point of what little patience she has being lost, there’s very little that can pull her from the resulting fury. so just.. try Not to push her buttons. she doesn’t have a lotta patience to begin w, but * captain america vc * son.. just dont

she’s wicked at racquetball

she’s rly fucking bad at emotion, and talking, and being a normal functioning human. the following are some headcanons, based upon that:

laura prefers to work in silence. in fact, she just prefers silence full stop. she can be quite quippy, but.. in fights, she rly is Not, and that’s hugely telling of her characters. she was created and raised to be a weapon - she doesn’t exchange witty comebacks in an actual fight, because she is a machine, and machines don’t talk. they just do. 

she isn’t very good, at feeling things. she’s not very good with emotions, or showing them. and when it comes to crushes, or love and relationships… she’s never experienced either, consciously, and if she ever does she won’t know what they are. she knows that she enjoys sex. it’s a sort of mindless activity that requires little to no thinking about, like murder, and she does enjoy it - but she doesn’t ever really feel anything for the people she’s sleeping with, which is what makes it so easy for her to move on. close connection is hard for her, if not perhaps impossible. i would consider it so, but who knows.

never let her stoic nature fool you - laura is highly intelligent, and certainly wouldn’t have survived as long if she weren’t. she’s best with strategy. fighting is methodical, it’s mindless, it’s easy, but it’s more fun when she’s up against someone who’s a worthy adversary and who makes her really have to think about how to best them. but she’s not, by any means, unintelligent in other areas. if she’d been given a chance, she would have found herself excelling in school subjects. as was, life never allowed her the opportunity to learn like a normal girl her age, until she came here

* katie ryan vc * frickin horses. she loves frickin horses.

laura loves classics. you have to keep in mind, she comes from roughly 2039 ( part of the reason her world is unexplored & her coming here was never considered a chance was bc it’s so far ahead, and such an awful place ), and her access to the modern media and such of the time is limited greatly by eden’s wilderness location, and her own nomadic lifestyle. often, it was only old movies and novels that she had real access too, and she loves them. it didn’t stop with shane for her, and she can quote parts of plenty of old westerns and classic movies/books, and does know quite a bit about the people of the times, if she cared to open up and share as much.

she’s bilingual ( having been taught english by transigen doctors & mexican spanish by the nurses ) and the eden kids varied what they spoke to each other in quite a lot, but she is losing proficiency in her ‘second’ language. she often mixes things up - for example, she’ll remember a word in one language but not in the other, or know a phrase but not its equivalent in the other language - and struggles, especially, in speaking for whole periods of time in the latter. it’s a lack of practice, more than anything. 

laura is not one for sentimental bullshit. none of the transigen kids were. since they never knew their birthdays, only rough estimates, and were never allowed celebrate other events, they just… didn’t, so there were no trinkets or whatnot kept as memories of a happier time or anything. the only thing that laura has ever had with sentimental value, that happens to be the only thing from her earth that came through the dimensional anomaly with her, are logan’s dogtags - rictor took them from him right before they laid him into his shallow grave and handed them off to laura. at the time, she imagines it was done symbolically - their leaders way of silently passing the mantle from him to her. but laura has never felt worthy of the wolverine mantle, and so has only ever tucked the tags into her inside pocket, never once wearing them around her neck. perhaps, someday, she will. 

headcanons based on backstory

following their arrival at eden, laura became something of a nomad. as soon as she knew the other transigen kids were safe with the remaining x-men ( among them ororo monroe & scott summers ), she took to the road. it was both a journey of self discovery and a journey for revenge. a lot of transigen labs remained, so laura did what she did best whenever they crossed paths... purposely, or otherwise.

but she always returned to ‘eden’ ( in reality, a small abandoned town in the middle of the canadian wilderness ). always. in time to fight for them, in time to bring them desperately needed supplies, in time to be of aid when they needed it most. she was always a presence, even if she wasn’t really present, and had a knack for appearing when needed and disappearing again as soon as that need passed.

she loved them, like brothers and sisters. she was loyal to them and to them only. but she’d learned that her ‘dad’ was right all those years ago - it was easier to be alone, and to keep others at a distance. bad things happened to the people she cared about. 

she arrived here on earth-616 when she was eighteen years and six months old, through a dimensional anomaly that she encountered in an abandoned alkali-transigen lab in texas. it took eight agents & three avengers to make her comply when she first came through. two are dead. four suffered permanent damage that leaves them at a distinct disadvantage, to this day. 

she’s spent nearly three whole yeas in a secure shield holding facility in upstate new york, where agent phil coulson ( known mostly now in the agency as the adoptive dad to a whole variety of misfits. looking at you, agent johnson ) took primary charge of her care. in the early days, coulson was the only person who saw her in a way she hasn’t been seen in, in years - not as a kind of monster, but as a girl, scared & alone. he himself recommended wda & when reminded of the injuries and death she caused when she first arrived, in turn reminded those at the meeting that if they hadn’t come at her with guns blazing from the get go, then she wouldn’t have reacted the way that she did. 

since she can’t go back to her world, she has for now decided that this is an okay plan, until, of course, she decides it is not. since she trusts coulson - something hard to do, and a huge testament to his character - she’s voluntarily agreed to being ‘tagged’, meaning shield have put an ankle bracelet that tracks her whereabouts at all times on her. some pushed to have it give electrical shocks if she used her ‘mutant’ powers, but, that was decided against fairly quick. if she decides she doesn’t want it? you can be sure it’s gone. three agents are stationed permanently in an unassuming house in the middle of buena vista, and she’s required to check in with them daily, and they, in turn, have to check in with her regularly. it’s all very official. go shield. 

[saibh29]

When your past isn’t past (1?)

Imagine Charles Vane asking you to serve on his crew... 

Warnings: Hints of previous domestic abuse, nothing specific mentioned. Violence and sexual themes. 

*********

You sat quietly in your office life officially going to shit. Eleanor was gone and good riddance to a certain extent but hell if that didn’t create a whole new set of problems for you. Life was about to get worse though and quickly, as was usual for Captain Charles Vane he came barging on into your office with no thought to how doors and knocking worked. Y/N had given up a long time ago with trying to instil manners into the roughshod pirates who surrounded you. Vane waltzed in like he owned the place throwing himself down in the spare chair opposite you planting his boots on your desk, right on a pile of fairly important paperwork. 

“Yes?” you asked raising one eyebrow at him in question trying to disguise your irritation. “Heard a rumour floating around about you sweetheart” Vane was sounding entirely too pleased with himself meaning that whatever her knew he at least believed was juicy enough to get something out of you in return for informing you of its contents. “I don’t have time for rumours Vane. In case you haven’t noticed I’m dealing with enough real shit without having to deal with bored pirates who have nothing better to do than sit around gossiping like old women” You smacked at his filthy boots to get them off your clean papers. “You’ll want to listen to this one… princess” surprisingly he withdrew his boots and propped his elbows on his spread out knees focusing those leonine eyes on you “This one comes direct from the mouths of so called ‘honourable’ men not us dirty lying pirates” “What are you talking about Vane?” You snapped although you were starting to get a very bad feeling in the base of your stomach. Especially when he pushed up off the chair to come around your desk leaning over you and caging you into your chair. He picked up a lock of your long dark hair running the silky strands through his fingers “Oliver Rickman” he whispered into your ear. 

Even the sound of his name made you panic, your rational thoughts fleeing you launched yourself out of your chair pushing past Vane to force yourself into a corner of the room. “He’s dead” you choked out clutching your arms around yourself “He’s dead, dead. He has to be dead” Vane actually looked concerned about your reaction to a name. When he’d heard the rumours about Y/N and where you actually came from he’d only thought to torment you with them, continuing a habit of enjoying getting a rise out of the young woman. What he hadn’t expected was this, your full body was trembling, skin pale as your eyes danced around the room almost as if your ghosts were about to jump out on you. “Y/N” he snapped moving forwards to grab your shoulders hauling you around to get your panicked brown eyes to focus on his own. “He has to be dead Charles” you insisted desperation colouring your whole voice, he also didn’t think you’d ever called him by his first name before. It was starting to worry him more than he cared for this desperation wasn’t like the normally calm and unshakeable Y/N. “He is dead pet” “Dead” you whispered gripping onto his forearms as you stared at him pleadingly “dead?” “Yeah” he agreed watching as flicks of sanity starting to flood back into your face, equally small blotches of colour appearing on your cheeks. “His daughter apparently slit his throat open then disappeared” 

Neither of them said out loud the obvious truth that you were the daughter. That you’d killed your father in cold blood then fled abandoning the privileged name and life you use to have. Instead you shivered violently until probably still in shock your body literally fell forwards into his own. Vane wasn’t good at giving comfort more used to killing men then soothing women. He found his arms going around you instinctively though not liking the way you were still shaking like a leaf. Holding you closer as your small hands slid inside his shirt pressing flat against his skin desperately seeking some sort of human warmth and comfort. 

Eventually the shaking stopped and Y/N took a hesitant step away from him a vulnerability in your face that he’d never seen before from the stubborn and composed young woman. "Thank you” you got out as he did nothing but stand and stare at you. “So now you know the truth. I’m a murderer” He did smirk this time couldn’t help himself “Aren’t we all on this hell hole darling” he moved towards you lifting your chin so your face was angled towards the light focusing on the long white scar along your hair line. “He do that?” anger slipped into his voice as he asked the question to which he was fairly certain he already knew the answer to. “Among others” you pulled away from him quickly trying to cover up your vulnerability from earlier “What do you want Vane?” he raised one eyebrow curiously “to keep it quiet. To keep my secrets secret from everyone else. What do you want?” “Give me those books” he indicated the ledgers on your desk, when you either didn’t answer or move fast enough he simply ignored you getting them himself, running a ring encrusted finger down the neat column of figures. “You’ve a good head for this sort of shit. Everyone knew you’d been doing the money for that deceitful bitch for a long time” he wasn’t asking a questions so Y/N stayed quiet watching him cautiously, waiting for the trap to snap shut around you. “Come and Merchant for the Ranger” he stated bluntly. 

Whatever you’d expected Vane to want off of you for his silence it definitely wasn’t the use of your brain. “Do your money?” you stuttered out confused at the request. “Count it, check it. Buy supplies and pay those idiots who man the ship. That kind of work” he agreed. You couldn’t help but ask why to which his usual evil smile slid back to his face. The everyday Captain Vane back “because love you ain’t half stupid enough to try and cheat or steal from me” and by gods wasn’t that the truth.  “How can I get on a ship? Your ship. I can’t leave the Avery?” Vane shrugged his broad shoulders obviously not caring about the tavern one way or the other. A fact likely to change when he realised that his main supply of rum would dry up. “Not my problem sweetheart. Find a way” “I don’t like boats” Y/N blurted out hastily “Last time I went on one I actually threw up” you were telling the truth but you hadn’t meant to let that slip out. Vane however simply laughed. Full on laughed with his head thrown backwards in mirth. Y/N had never seen the pirate even smile properly before. Never mind laugh like that. “You get sea sick” he managed to get out between laughs in which you honestly worried he might pass out from lack of oxygen to the brain. “This is going to be even more fun than I originally thought” Y/N ignored him hating the shit eating look that said he already knew you’d agree to his offer. You moved past him to sit down at your desk once more, resting your head in your hands. “And if I don’t” it was a desperate stand at courage that you didn’t have but they both knew you had to at least try. A hand came down on the back of your neck making you tense and quickly try and pull away from him. You truly hated having any sort of contact on the nape of your neck. Dragging up memories that had no right being in your mind in the first place. The hand tightened not letting you go but instead pulling you upwards so you could feel his chest behind you the heat of his body scorching your back. “Let’s not make this conversation anymore unpleasant than it already has been hey love? For both our sakes” The warning in his voice was clear to hear and Y/N didn’t even want to go down that path. That Vane liked you to some extent you didn’t question, he’d made that clear on numerous occasions. How far that ‘like’ went though in terms of protecting you was something you didn’t want to test.  “Fine. For silence and the silencing of others who try and talk I’ll do your books” “Good choice darling” it might be a good choice for Vane. However, for yourself you wasn’t so sure. You got to your own feet removing the feel of his body from your back. “Conditions” “Conditions?” Vane’s eyebrow rose at the single word. However, he sounded amused which Y/N took as permission to keep talking. “I do your financial business Captain, nothing else.” Your words caused a lecherous look in his eyes as they raked up and down your body, a very suggestive smile coming to his face. Y/N frowned at that look tempted to pull your clothes tighter around your body trying to hide it. “I mean it Vane” You stated flatly “I am not warming anyone’s bed. Including yours. No fighting and no using me as some sort of bait. I’m responsible for nothing but managing the money” “The only beds you’ll share are the ones you ask to” he closed the gap between you fingers once more trailing the scar along your hairline. Y/N refused to think about the feeling his touch evoked within you. “And the rumours will stop, you have my word. Deal?” You felt ominously like you were signing a deal with the devil but lacking any other rational choice you licked your lips and agreed “deal” Vane’s mouth descended onto your own before you could react. Roughly parting your lips as he branded the imprint of his kiss onto your brain. “Looking forward to working together love” he whispered before marching out of your office as nonchalantly as he’d entered.

[ofsa]

In which OFSA kinda sorta switches fandoms and tries to explain it all

So most of this is super duper rambly, and if you don't want to read this entire thing, long story short, is I'm jumping ship fandom wise and this blog is going to start reflecting that.

A lot of you guys have probably noticed that I don't really post anything here anymore-- at least a lot less anime gifs and a lot more original stuff like fanfiction and art. But I can't write and draw as fast as I can reblog, so that's why I've basically disappeared off of Tumblr's radar. Well, there's a reason for that.

I started this blog off as exclusively an anime blog. I remember when I first started this, I was super into the seasonal anime stuff (right around that time that Tokyo ghoul and Zankyou no Terror were premiering) and tumblr was sort of like that output for that episodical excitement.

I also remember that I was quickly unfollowing anything that wasn't anime, as I felt that, at the time, it unnecessarily cluttered up my dashboard.

So I guess you're wondering where all this is going. Well, I'm jumping ships.

I don't even remember the last time I watched a full season of anime. It might have been... Shokugeki no Soma? I actually can't even think of it. I've basically fallen off the radar for anime. So that leads us to the larger question: What replaced anime for me?

I've realized that I've turned into complete and utter kpop trash. But it's not even just a general kpop thing-- its very specifically BTS. So I'm going from the world of weeaboo to ARMY land.

There's also the large question of why I didn't simply jump blogs, and keep this one like a sort of graveyard. And I really can't come up with any rational reason other than I'm simply attached. I don't want to throw this all away. OFSA is my handle for EVERYTHING online. And I don't want to get rid of that. So it felt wrong making a new blog for kpop.

I wrote all this out for two reasons: Firstly as an announcement. I didn't want people wondering who the heck this ofsa is and why they're posting WINGS theories six months too late to these people that are most definitely not two dimensional. But more importantly, I posted this because I feel like I owe the very small amount of followers I have an explanation for why I jumped ship, and this is my apology.

Past this is just me rambling some more about the reasoning for everything and how this even came about in the first place.

My journey into kpop wasn't even on purpose. I was browsing Archive for some reading one night, and decided to try a different fandom on-- specifically kpop. At the time, I was reading mainly CanonxOC pairings, and while Archive is much less abundant with OC firs than fanfiction.net, that was the only site I knew of that had a kpop category.

So I went about my happy way, sorted by kudos and tags containing OC with F/M pairing only, and clicked sort.

It just so happened that the first story that popped up was a BTS story under the name of "To Sleep Perchance to Dream" which was a Taehyung/OC piece. I was happy with any Kpop group, and this story just happened to be the first one that wasn't in second person.

So I read the story. It was nice and fluffy and made me all nice and happy, but it wasn't like the stars aligned and I realized that I was going to completely drop anime forever. I think I tried to find some more OC stories for BTS but wasn't happy with he quality, so I didn't bother.

Well, that was the starting point. It wasn't like I stopped reading anything else. I still read Pokémon and Tokyo Ghoul and tons of other fandoms. But Kpop had popped onto my radar.

I dont even remember when I started listening to it on YouTube. I had already been exposed to it thanks to FBE and youtubers react to kpop, but I had never actively searched it out.

Enter a website called reddit, and a smaller section of reddit, /r/fanfiction. Different fanfiction authors go there to discuss various things, and I vividly remember one of the fairly common posts mentioning a website called asianfanfics.

I recognized that any website called that was guaranteed to be as big of a mess as Wattpad, but I was curious. And I wanted another BTS fic.

Curiosity killed the cat.

It wasn't even like I had struck gold or anything. The first story I read wasn't even BTS, it was EXO. I could barely keep all the characters straight, and the writing was only barely above Wattpad in terms of quality, but it had definitely reignited my interest.

Short disclaimer here: I really don't like asianfanfics. It requires users to make accounts, and oftentimes, authors would require you to "subscribe" to stories to read the full chapter. And that's basically a personal offense in my book, but that's another post for another day. But beggars can't be choosers.

I read a variety of stories on there, mostly gang AU's because it surely beat slice of life, and read a wide variety of stories. They were still barley decent as far as my standards went, but I had already lowered my standards.

Sometime during this whole thing, I got a very dangerous mind set: I can do better than that.

Which really began the decent into kpop. I already had a very clear image in my head at the story. I just had to chose my fandom, which at that time, was BTS. And then the research. OH the research. The story I had/have planned follows the life of the idols. So I had to start learning about them in anyway that I could (and considering I couldn't put a name to a single face in BTS, it was going to take a while.)

So I dived headfirst into the fandom. Bangtang Bombs, reviews, theories, oh lord it was so much. And it still is.

That's where I am now: watching BTS crack videos and slowly planning out this monstrosity of a story. Thanks if you made it this far, and I'll see you guys in the world of kpop.

[aneedleforyourthoughtballoon]

Nothing more than feelings

Drum roll please. Without a safety net and with no rehearsal, I’m going to try to describe, as clearly as I possibly can, how my depression-addled brain actually works. How it feels to operate it. This is difficult, because it doesn’t work. And operating it is hard. And I need to harness its pathetic abilities to type this out. So… erm… please do bear with me.

Right now, as I type this, I have no thoughts in my head. None. Vessel empty. I am not consciously thinking about anything. I feel nothing. I do not feel happy or sad, or confused or focused, or anything, any which way. My mind feels like a vacuum. Yet… I am still typing words. How is that possible? They’re still coming. But from where?

The words I type, same as the ones that fly out of my mouth, come from a tiny part of my brain which is almost always operating at a high level, regardless of how I feel. You could call it a stream of consciousness. I can really just chatter away on any given topic with no notice at all. It’s paradoxical, having this relentless word factory going on at the same time as a total black hole, I am aware. This relentless inner dialogue never really stops, but it is also never fueled by emotion. Unless I concentrate hard and put the effort in to synergise the two, there is a near total disconnect between the things I say and the things I feel.

I see people as having two brains: rational and emotional. Rational brain is your inner Spock, dealing with logic and reason, viewing the world computationally and structurally. It is somewhat robotic and detached, concerned greatly with the how and the why. It is in charge of basic tasks. It remembers the layout of your home and where you’ve put things and how electronic devices work and stuff like that.

Emotional brain is in charge of how you react to and process everything. It is the human part of you. It’s what makes you smile or laugh or cry or feel scared. It’s a powerful curator of your memories too, especially your childhood. It puts everything you’ve experienced in important context.

In a healthy brain, these two entities work in tandem. They guide you along with a well balanced give and take, and neither are overly vulnerable to being weakened. They’re a team.

My rational brain is absolutely fine. I am always able to operate in that manner. My emotional brain, unfortunately, has never really developed properly and it’s been hobbling along on crutches for about 18 years now. Sometimes it just collapses and shuts down entirely, leaving me incapable of feeling anything at all. Things just happen around me and I quietly and robotically sit and perceive it all, then coldly commit each thing to memory with zero emotional context.

Now, this is all a fairly recent realisation of mine. I just turned 35, and I am still veeerrry sloooowly making these pretty elementary-seeming discoveries about myself and my personal psychiatric wiring. As I write this I am in the process of attempting to recover from a prolonged bout of depression which hit hard about nine months ago. It has not been easy. I initially clung on to the idea that hey, this isn’t my first rodeo - and there is truth to that. But this is definitely the first time I’ve felt such a distinct disconnect between my two brains.

Rational brain, as I say, has been fine. It has led me to consider myself these days to be a somewhat high functioning depressive. It’s very rare that my depression is so bad that I am utterly dysfunctional. I mean, some things are always hard. Waking up every morning I feel this ‘thud’, like I’m being told “yes. Another one. Get on with it”, and the process from there to getting up and out of the bed and into the bathroom (a whole nine paces) generally feels Sisyphean. Arduous, pointless, nightmarish. Today it took me well over an hour from waking up to being in the kitchen eating breakfast. Not ideal - but I have had far harder mornings.

It’s hard because the emotional brain is the supplier of motivation. Rational brain knows the basics about what needs doing during the day, but emotional brain is what gives you a sense of pride and purpose in bothering to do them. And when your emotional brain is running on fumes, as mine tends to, the position you have to fight to escape from is that nothing matters. The default is that you take pride in absolutely nothing, and that literally anything can be put off indefinitely without consequence. You are simply never motivated in any way. The loudest messages you hear are your rational brain intoning mundane things like “EAT FOOD” or “SIT DOWN”.

A rote list of things to do at any point can be vomited up by rational brain without any effort - the drive to actually do these things requires superhuman concentration in order to enact a resuscitation of the emotional brain. It’s like a battery.

Personally this whole setup leaves me feeling a bit like a giant goldfish, because each day wipes the slate clean in a way. Every day I have to remind myself what happened yesterday and then attempt to figure out how I felt about it.

And it’s very rare that I wake up with something distinct on my mind. During sleep, my emotional brain simply disappears and my rational brain goes into near total hibernation too. My dreams come from some oddball third brain I haven’t figured out yet - for one, I have never had a nightmare in my life, and it is extremely rare that any two of my dreams are remotely similar. Most dreams I recall are incredibly surreal longform fairytales with little to no obvious reference points from my day to day life. I also experience lucid dreaming every so often; and I’ve had several dreams I wasn’t even in. I was just a disembodied observer, watching mind-bendingly weird things happen without being involved in any of it - and there’s your real life parallel. I am Uatu, The Watcher.

Which brings me back to the stream of consciousness. I’ve had a recurring issue all my life in communicating with people. I find it very hard to change gears so the stream of consciousness slows down and the rational and emotional brains start having an evenhanded input in the words I say. If I’m required only to be entertaining or informal, it’s easy. I can just yammer on without thinking and probably be relied upon to be at least superficially funny. That is literally a no-brainer - this is why really great standup comedians inspire me so much; they have perfect synergy between their stream of consciousness and their sense of self.

The problems come when the topic of discussion is an important, serious, personal one. I’ll be trying to hang in there and shooting myself in the foot with every third word, having to go back and explain myself over and over again with an increasing sense of frustration - and the kicker is that this doesn’t translate at all; the other person will perceive a slightly aloof, disaffected man who just wants the discussion to end at any cost. Inside my head, I often know exactly what my lines need to be, but I have to sort of jam that message - how I actually feel -into an overcrowded Noah’s Ark of word salad coming from my rational brain and just pray that some of it gets through as intended.

To understate: it’s hard. It’s hard as it’s happening and it’s hard because explaining all this to another person is complex, and it’s hard because this is the first time I’ve even put any of this stuff in writing. These analogies and descriptions are a new self-referential language I’m getting used to speaking.

Anyway, I think the time has come again to try to get a foothold in getting over this stuff via writing about it. There isn’t yet a greater point I’m aspiring to make. This will be of use to me, so I hope it will be of use to other people too.