#raynor rambles

[the-orangeauthor]

I don’t want to write or research this essay anymore I want to talk about Raynor and make posts and images for it it’s taking up so much space in my brain right now I don’t know where to put it

[saltsicklover]

Title: The Weather

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,160

Rating: PG13 - FLUFF

Warnings: Swearing

Disclaimer: I do not own Bucky Barnes, or anything related to Marvel within this piece. Not Proof Read or BETA'd. All mistakes are my own.

I do not consent for my work to be edited, reposted, or translated.

You are responsible for your own media consumption. This is a work of fiction that may contain mature themes. If you are sensitive to those subjects, please do not read.

It took James Barnes three months to speak more than a 'hello' and an appointment time to the beautiful woman that sits behind the front desk in Dr. Raynor's stuffy office. She is the opposite of Dr. Raynor, her edges are still soft, her soul not bared to the world- covered in blood and devoid of sacrifice and suffering. 

At first, James found her intriguing. The way she sat, stick straight, attention always on her work. Her hair was never quite perfect, a sweet halo of frizz adorning her head, complimenting the way her eyes seemed to always crinkle at the corners whenever she would smile at him.  She would always smile at him while keeping her hands busy with paperwork, tucking loose pages into files- paperclips, pens, and highlighters strewn around her desk. 

Every day he talked himself up in the mirror and then again on the train, saying that today would be the day he would speak to her, finally catch her name, maybe even give her a real reason to smile- something more than just being customer service friendly. She's the one thing that seems to radiate positivity and light in the near desolate office he visits once a week. 

Today it is raining, somewhere between pouring and deluge and Bucky trails a small creek into the office with him. The water streaks down his face, hair sticking to his forehead. Droplets race down his leather clad body, pelting the tile floor. 

"Good morning, Mr. Barnes," The dame behind the desk speaks, her voice like fresh honey and it washes a tidal wave of warmth over Bucky. He shivers, goosebumps breaking out over his skin. Bucky is clammy and cold to the touch but it doesn't seem to bother him. The wet droplets that roll off his body don't either. Finally, the women looks up at Bucky, a bit of shock rolls over he features before before it's replaced with a chuckle and her signature smile, eyes crinkling but still shinning under the florescent lights. "Looks like that storm's gotten pretty bad since I got in this morning," She comments, standing up from her chair to greet him, "Don't you own an umbrella?" 

Bucky can't help the laugh that escapes his lips, deep and full like the sweetest expresso she's ever tasted. Her body buzzes from the sound, joy vibrating under her skin at the change in his usually stony demeanor. The furrow of his brow is lessoned now, a smile threatening to pull at his lips, but his expression remains neutral. Yet, somehow, it's like a smile had reached his eyes with the way he look at her.

"Oh, you know, didn't think I'd need one but the weather really took a turn and now I'm swimming in my boots," He almost laughs, almost, the squelching sound of his boots and the harmony of the squeaking floor with each step he takes towards the desk makes him feel the most on display he has in years. The full tooth smile she gives him makes it worth it. "I have an 11:30 with Dr. Raynor."

"I've already got you all checked in, but," his confidence faulters a bit, as does her smile, "Dr. Raynor was called into an emergency meeting this morning, about an hour ago, and she still isn't back yet. She called to let me know that she is on her way, and she wanted me to ask you to wait. So, if you could take a seat and hang out, that would be lovely," She rambles a bit, spinning one of the many rings she wears on her delicate fingers. She plays with the large gem, spinning the band round and round as if she could twirl her anxiety away with each revolution of the silver band. 

 "Yeah, uhh-" Bucky stutters a bit, brushing back his bangs then attempting to flick the water off of his fingers with the shake of his wrist, "I can wait, definitely." He nods at her like he has any other choice, and she nods back, the awkwardness of the whole scenario becoming more palpable with each tick of the clock. 

She sits back down too, after a moment, tucking her skirt under her backside with a quick motion before she turns back to the paperwork in front of her. The only sounds in the room are the light piano music playing over the speakers, almost too quiet for the average person to hear, and the clicking of the keyboard as she types. Bucky can almost hear her breathing, if he strains to listen, the small breathes pushing past her lips and then back in. 

Bucky watches as she works, her tongue poking out of her mouth from between her lips as she concentrates. His heart flutters at the sight, and he thinks he might pass away right then and there when she drags her bottom lip between her teeth. 

He watches the clock too. It hangs on the plain wall behind her, and the minutes seem to tick by slower and slower with each passing glance. But time seems to stand still as he watches her tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He notices the diamonds and pearls decorating her ear, a site he isn't quite used to yet but still finds intriguing. The idea that someone might purposefully stab themselves to then adorn their bodies is something he finds perplexing and she finds irresistible. 

"Hey, can I ask you somethin'?" Bucky finally breaks the silence, the clicking of her keyboard slowly dissipating. She flashes that grin of hers at him and he melts. 

"What's up, Mr. Barnes?" She stands to look him in the eye over her computer. He sits in the waiting area, off to the side of her desk. He plays with the cuffs of his coat, fingering at the zippers and tugging at the fabric. 

"I just realized, I've been coming here for a while now and it has never occurred to me to ask you your name," She laughs a bit at him, one of those small laughs that comes from the back of the throat. She gives him her name and it gently falls from her lips like it's the easiest thing in the world and he decides that it is. Bucky repeats her name back, it's liquid sugar on his tongue- he wears a shy smile now, the rest of his body useless, like he's been zipped into a body bag as his mind spins. 

The rain is turning to hail, the small bits of ice pinging off of the windows, echoing though out the office. The lights flicker, off, on, then back off, leaving them sitting in the dark. Bucky tenses, his hands tightening around the arms of his chair as his companion lets out a huff in irritation. 

"Well, so much for getting any sort of work done now," She grumbles, pushing herself away from the desk. She moves around her desk, but not carefully enough. A low smack, the sound of bone hitting wood is heard throughout the room, and so are the swear words and grumblings that leave her lips. 

"Are you okay, doll?" Bucky asks too quickly, jumping to his feet. 

"Oh yeah, I'm- I'm just great. My knee just wanted to make friends with the corner of my desk, that's all," She informs him, rubbing her sore knee with her hands. She moves to sit in front of her desk, making home on the floor, her back pressed against the wood. Bucky tries to make out her form in the dark, but he can barely see her from where he stands. He pulls his cellphone out, clicking the flashlight on to illuminate the room. He places it on the floor, nudging it with the toe of his boot so it sits between them. 

She offers him a quiet thank you, devoid of a smile. 

"Can I ask you something, now? The way I see it, it's my turn," Bucky hums in approval, "What's going on in that head of yours?" Bucky is thrown by the question and it hangs in the stale air. "Let me rephrase, because I'm not asking about the shit you come here to talk to Dr. Raynor about. What do you think about when you're not avenging or chitchatting with the good doctor?" 

Bucky's thoughts flash through his mind quickly, the nightmares and the amends he has left to make. He thinks about Steve, and he thinks about Sam. He thinks about the community Sam has built with his family and the way they take care of each other. He thinks about how he lacks all of that. The family, the community, the honor. But mostly, he thinks about her and the way her eyes crinkle and that one time her hair was braided back and the way he could see her whole face for the very first time. 

"I like the weather," He says simply, sitting himself down on the floor to meet her level. 

"The weather?" She asks him, leaning towards him curiously. 

Specks of dust flutter through the air, visible only through the glow of the flashlight. Each speck seems to dance in the tension around them, her question going unanswered for a few beats before he sighs in an attempt to relieve the strain building in his ribcage. 

"Yeah, the weather. It seems to be the only thing I really understand anymore. That, and I like the rain," He concludes with a hand tugging through the mess of hair atop his head. He can't tell her that the sun doesn't come close to shining as bright as she does, so he settles with liking the rain. It seems more than honest. She tries to hold back a giggle at his answer. The causal air of it and the simplicity of the choice he has made. She doesn't push the topic further, not truly believing that he often thinks of the weather. But she knows better than to challenge the fact. 

Maybe if they were in a different universe, or following a different timeline. One that they may be able to reach out in and dust their fingertips over if it weren't for the fabric of space time holding them firmly in place. Maybe, one universe over, just to the left of where they sit now, they are still sitting together, but not on the floor of a government sanctioned medical facility, but in a cafe. 

They sit together, knees touching underneath the small bistro table in the corner of the cramped cafe. He calls her 'sunshine', because she is. She calls him 'lover', and he hates it in the way to say that he has never loved being called something more. 

Their fingers are intertwined on the table top, not caring who sees them together. Bucky would be drinking coffee, something with actual flavor because he would actually let himself enjoy it. She still drinks black coffee because it makes her soul feel at home.  They both wear genuine smiles, talking and laughing, enjoying each other's company. Definitely somewhere between date fifteen and twenty, planning their lives side by side but not yet together. 

In the timeline on their right they are together, in their apartment. Sunny, that's what he calls her there, is painting the walls sage green. James, sits in the middle of the room attempting to build a coffee table that they purchased from IKEA earlier that week. He grumbles about missing pieces, rummaging through the little plastic baggies and Sunny just laughs at him. 

She walks over and dabs a bit of the paint on his nose; both of their faces end up covered in green by the time they are done locking lips. They lay on the floor, surrounded by half finished projects, completely head over heels in love with one another. 

She has no idea about the ring he has hidden in his sock drawer, or the way his heart beats just a little bit faster every time she goes into that drawer to steal a pair of his socks just because she claims they are more comfortable than her own. He really needs to find a new hiding spot, but he has been so caught up in the life they are creating he really hasn't bothered to think of a better place. 

There is another universe about an arms length away where they are meeting for the first time. One where Bucky is quicker to forgive himself and more gentle with his own soul, with himself. She hasn't been given a nickname here, at least not yet. They cross paths on the train- she is stepping off and Bucky steps on. Their knuckles graze over each other, both turning to whisper an apology just as the doors shut. 

They lock eyes and Bucky offers her a kind smile, one that has come easy to him for years now. She offers a small smile in return, one that is much more shy and reserved than the one she has just received. Just then, the train begins to pull away, their lives once again headed in separate directions. 

She watches as the train pulls away, eyes still on the brunet, feet planted firmly in place. Bucky starts walking towards the back of the train, eyes still fixed on the woman who holds his attention like a vice. When he finally makes it to the end of the train, he is left with nothing to do but offer her a wave and a smile. She returns it in kind. 

But here and now they sit in the darkness, a storm raging outside, leaving them trapped inside with nothing but each others company and the glow of the flashlight between them. Neither one has been brave enough to speak for a little while. They have made themselves comfortable on the floor and in the shared silence. 

Bucky can't help but think about how beautiful she is. The way that she lights up the room with nothing more than her presence. He mulls over the fact that he took so long to talk to her, and the tightness in his chest seems to linger the longer he beats himself up for it. He twiddles with his fingers, fidgeting where he sits. He is almost dry now but his boots are still soaked through, squelching when he moves. She pretends not to notice it, stifling a laugh with the heel of her hand pressed firmly against her lips. 

"I think I'm going to call you Solntse," He says absentmindedly, more to himself and maybe the room than to her directly. "Yeah, Solntse, it suits you."

"What does that mean, Mr. Barnes?" Solntse questions him, peering through the harsh beam of the flashlight. 

"It means sun. It's Russian. And please, call me Bucky, or hell, I'll even take James, but please quit calling me Mr. Barnes," He speaks candidly, rubbing over his face with his flesh hand. He pulled off his gloves a few minutes ago, the action going unnoticed. 

"Okay, Bucky. Russian sun it is," Solntse chuckles, crossing her ankles out in front of her. 

"That is, if you don't mind- I guess I should've asked first," Bucky attempts to backtrack, fumbling over his words as the embarrassment wells inside him. A blush begins to bloom over Solntse's face and neck, a raspberry hue covering her skin. 

"I don't mind, Buck, truly. Plus they say you can't pick your own nickname. It goes against the whole point of having a nickname," She chuckles, a smile spread wide across her face as the pink tint begins to fade. She doesn't know what comes over her but she crawls over to Bucky, plopping herself down in the spot next to him. Bucky can't help the way his heart quickens at he movements, the proximity of her body to his and the scent of her perfume make him dizzy. 

They sit next to each other like that for a while, the silence taking over again. It's not too long after they are plunged back into darkness, the flashlight in front of them shutting off without warning. The sudden darkness catches Solntse by surprise, causing her to jump and let out a little yip of surprise. She grabs onto Bucky, hands wrapping around his metal arm, squeezing tightly. It all happens in a split second; each party feeling a complete and sudden shift in the air around them. 

They turn to face one another, noses almost brushing. Solntse can feel the deep blush burning on her skin again, the heat taking over her senses. Bucky lets a small chuckle escape him. It sounds full and comforting, even if it is at her own expense. 

"You're safe, doll, I've got you," Bucky whispers, pulling her as close as he can in their current position. Solntse can feel the way his fingertips dip into her flesh, the feeling grounding her in the moment, to him and his closeness. She squeezes him back. 

"Thank you," She whispers, voice barely audible. A smirk slips onto Bucky's slips and it goes unnoticed by Solntse until she leans forwards and closes the gap between them. The movement is clumsy in the dark, their noses bumping together at first. 

The kiss is slow and sweet, lips mingling together as if they have a thousand times before- and they have in the universes that surround them. The way their lips move together is not new to the universes else where, and neither is the way Bucky moves to pull her into his lap, her knees finding purchase on either side of his thighs. He tangles his hands in her hair the same way he always has and always will. She pulls at the lapels of his jacket all the same. The newness of it all sparking tingles beneath their fingertips, reverberating all over their bodies and the way they mingle together in this place, in this now. 

She pulls back from his lips, just mere millimeters, far enough to cause a small whimper to leave Bucky. "I think about the weather too," She confesses, the meaning just as deep to her as it had been to him, even if he thought she hadn't originally picked up on that fact. 

"Let me take you somewhere, anywhere you want to go. Coffee, food, drinks, hell I'll take you anywhere, just say the word," He almost pleads, but the words come out more smooth than needy. 

"I have a shift to finish, and you still have an appointment, but you can pick me up from my place tonight," She punctuates her sentence with a brush of her lips against his, "And you can take me to get a pizza and beer on draft and we can talk more."

"About the weather?" He questions her, smirk across his lips. 

"Yes, about the weather." She confirms just before closing the gap between them again. 

[luna-rainbow]

Thanks for the answer to my previous ask about Dr Raynor in TFaTWS. Its sad that the writers didn't seem to know what they were doing and wrote so badly about that subject. Honestly, I am coming to hate the way that series treats Bucky full stop. Its like every single character is using him as a punchbag and taking out their problems or emotional issues on him in some way. Also at the same time they're doing nothing to challenge his horrible internal guilt monologue. Like, Bucky already clearly thinks he's an evil monster (In the series not in other materials per se) and can't be redeemed or change, and then literally *everyone* including Sam to an extent is telling him that too.

Just because S turns around at the last minute and says "you have to stop letting others tell you what you are" doesn't mean he wasn't perpetuating Bucky's guilt the rest of the series. One minute later he also says "you have to put in the work" to "make others feel better" as though Bucky was not already self-flagellating enough. Sorry if that's a long ramble.

Thanks for the ask!

Yeah, I think a lot of Bucky fans went into the series with open minds and the first two episodes were…well, they weren’t fantastic but they showed a man struggling with his mental health, and that made sense at least. It just never got better from that.

To be fair, Bucky also behaved poorly in much of the series, in moments when he was allowed to emote and choose. But a lot of his bad choices didn’t match his motivations, and the series frequently contradicted itself in logic and world-building, which is why I’ve completely erased it from works I take as canon. It’s also an overall unpleasant series? Like, no one was kind to each other. It was as though the writer had no idea what that looks like and how human relationships are sustained by that.

I am not sure there are specific incidences of Sam actively perpetuating Bucky’s guilt, though. There were a few (honestly OOC) puerile jokes, and he never objected when Bucky spoke self-deprecatingly. It was more a consistent inaction rather than any malicious action.

I am…not a fan of that “do the work” speech. Bucky was doing the work. In Sam’s words, he was going to Yori and making his life better. He just approached it entirely wrong. And honestly? My stance is always that Bucky should never have been encouraged, by Sam or by Raynor, to approach any of the victims on his own. It was multiple layers of inappropriate.

But yeah, it was very clear that the writers didn’t know how to handle Bucky’s story and he became more of a narrative tool than his own character. Which is a rightful shame when you have someone with such a complex back story.

[christinakratt]

@skiejustskie @alice-devil69

Requested by Skie

Mia and Me

Mo X Reader

Butterflies

Request Fic from Tumblr

Fandom: Mia and Me

You had been living in a small settlement of the west side of Centopia for as long as you could remember. You had never gone to the central kingdom. So it came as a surprise when you received an invitation to the butterfly festival that was being hosted at the royal palace. All of Centopia had been invited, and you were giddy with excitement. You had woven flowers into your hair and pulled on your most expensive top and started making your way to the Palace of King Raynor and Queen Mayla. You loved flying. It made you feel so free. Moments like these were why you loved living in Centopia. You landed in front of the castle, taking in all of its beauty. You were so distracted by your thoughts, that you didn’t realize there was someone in front of you, and you ran right into him.

“Oh!”

Came the voice from the other.

“Oh my! I'm so sorry!”

You apolgized.

“Hey, it's totally okay. I'm used to getting run into. My friend cannot fly for the life of her.”

He replied.

Cutting himself off from his own tangent, he looked up and finally got a proper view of your face. You noticed him stare for just a moment longer than usual.

“Oh sorry,”he said, rubbing their back of his neck, before stretching his hand out to shake yours.

“Mo.”

He introduced.

“Oh, Y/N”

You said.

Mo sighed. You could practically feel the stress emanating off of him.

“You okay?”

You asked.

“Yeah, i'm good. It’s just, i'm so tired of these parties, but i'm required to attend.”

He said shrugging.

“Tired of them? They seem so exciting! This is my first one!”

You replied, in disbelief.

Mo cracked a smile at your excitement, before a look of adventure spread across his face. He took your hand and nodded towards the palace.

“I have an idea, come with me.”

You followed him through the crowds of people, stopping when you arrived at an extravagant dessert table. Mo reached for a miniature cake shaped like a butterfly and placed it in your palm.

“Here, if this is your first party, you have to try some of the royal desserts. Trust me, the royal chef knows what she’s doing.”

You smiled, there was something about Mo that felt familiar, but you couldn’t place it. He was so sweet and his excitement after he began showing you around was so endearing.

You had finished three mini cakes when he lit up with another idea. He pulled you through the back door and into the palace garden. In the yard, there were rows and rows of every type of flower you could imagine. Some were glittery, some were reflecting a rainbow color and some held magical abilities. He bent down and picked up one of the rainbow colored lilies and handed it to you.

“Milady,”

He joked with a smile.

You gently took the flower, turning to hide a rosy blush that had spread across your face.

You took a deep breath in, taking in the beauty of the palace garden.

“PRINCE MO!”

Came a voice from beyond the door.

Mo turned to you.

“Come on, it’s time for the ceremony to start.”

You dashed back into the palace and were met with Mo’s royal hand maid, who looked a bit frazzled.

“Mo! Where have you been? Your parents were looking for you.”

“Sorry,”

He replied sheepishly. A deep blush crept over his face and he glanced at you.

“I got distracted.”

He stepped closer to you, instantly relaxing once your shoulders touched.

“The maid pulled the prince away.

“No time for that now. Come along.”

She pulled him up to the throne display where his parents were waiting.

“Ah Mo, dear. We were afraid you had gotten lost or something.”

Queen Mayla half joked to her son.

“Come and sit down, it’s time for the butterfly ceremony.”

King Raynor said, gesturing to the petite throne designated for the elf prince.

Mo sat down next to his father. His energy seeming to diminish, now that you weren’t with him.

The king and queen began addressing the guests and rambling on about the balance of nature, and welcoming spring. Mo rested his head in his palm and yawned. Just as he was about to doze off from boredom, the queen tapped on his shoulder.

“You ready, Mo?”

She asked, holding out a rope that was secured to a net.

Mo glanced at the net and realized there were hundreds of butterflies restrained beneath.

“Yeah one second, mother.”

Mo dashed off into the people-dense room to find you again.

“Y/N! Y/N! Where’d you run off too? Come here I want to show you something!”

He spotted you talking to a group of serpents. Likely the same race as Polytheus.

“Y/N!”

He shouted once more, stepping closer.

“Oh, excuse me guys.”

You said, politely excusing yourself from the conversation.

“Oh no bother, go ahead.”

The female serpent snickered when she saw the scarlet blush on Mo’s cheeks when you acknowledged him.

Mo took your hand and nodded politely to the serpents before pulling you up to the throne stand where the king and queen were still waiting impatiently.

Mo picked the rope back up and handed part of it to you.

“What are we-?”

You asked before he winked, cutting you off.

“You’ll see.”

On the count of three, you all lifted the rope up, raising the net and releasing the butterflies around the room. It was a truly magical sight.

“Wow!”

You exclaimed, twirling with delight, while the butterflies weaved between your outstretched arms.

“This is beautiful!”

“Yes they are. They remind me of you.”

The prince replied, with an uncharacteristic level of charisma.

Now it was your turn to blush.

The butterflies still danced around the room, golden dust shimmering off of their wings.

“Come on Y/N, the party isn’t over yet.”

And with that, the prince takes your hand again , interlacing fingers this time and pulls you back into the festivities.

(Hope Y’all enjoyed! I had fun writing this!)

[official-zerg-fangirl]

how do you feel about kerrigan going super Saiyan in Legacy of the Void? what about the Amon plot in general?

(idk if you get notifications when a question is answered publicly, so @fall-warning hi, also THANKS FOR SENDING THIS. I LOVE ATTENTION I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL)

Oh, That Jean Grey ass Kerrigan transformation is half the reason my bio says "Starcraft 2 never happened, Metzen can suck my dick." *

*the other half is the Kerrinor Kiss, because on Official-zerg-fangirl, the running gag is I have an irrational hate for Raynor bcs I was one of Those middle school girls who would legit be jealous of a fictional character (I just didn't realize what i felt was jealousy bcs i didnt know i was gay)

I hate it! I HATE IT. IT SUCKS.

I am normally an extremely big fan of fire, and red, and phoenixes, and literal deities, and women being any or all of the above. But none of that should have been Kerrigan, and definitely not in the way it was handled. Fuck you, Blizzard. Fuck you for the insane bullshit happening behind the scenes, but also fuck you for what LotV did to my girl!

I refuse to play any part of LotV to this day! I don't fucking care! Sorry to the protoss stans, it's great that you got so much extra lore with Alarak or whatever, but absolutely FUCK what they did to my girl!

oh but I loved the amon plotline tho.

"m'am, why the fuck" it was validating it was powerful it is everything the character arc of the entire Zerg species was building up to and it turned Kerrigan into the antihero she was always meant to be, and LotV is probably great but that epilogue ruined it with a pointless second transformation.

[more deranged rambling below]

Look, Kerrigan's character arc in Brood War was top notch it was S tier it was great I wrote a literal essay about how I do sincerely believe Kerrigan in SC1 + Brood War had a heroic character arc, and I am of course correct, and the canon agrees, BUT WE WILL GET TO THAT,

now initially ofc i was like naw SC2 never happened. Obviously I've softened on that opinion (but saying it never happened is funny. so is acting like everyone is missing the point of Kerrigan except for me. this blog is the space where i get to play up an extremely cocky persona ok)

SC2's general insistence (at least that's my first impression) on treating her zergness like a boring corruption and "ooh Kerrigan was good before but she's evil now" bothers me. like they do this to her instead of, oh I don't know, she was abused and exploited as a child fucking soldier, she latched onto the guy who 'saved' her and was too wrapped up in the exhilaration of having someone who 'cared' about her that she couldn't recognize she was being used as literal fucking bait, and then he LEFT HER TO FUCKING GET EATEN BY ALIENS, and by the grace of fucking god, those aliens saw her value and potential in a way no one else ever could, they elevated her, made her stronger, gave her the means to break off the shackles implanted in her skull (remember the Amerigo mission???), and from that point on, all the anger she'd been harboring from all those years of abuse could run freely, so of fucking course she became impatient and vengeful!

Yes, Kerrigan was extremely destructive, spiteful, cruel,even! But you think someone who's only ever known violence and death and cruelty could ever be anything else? are we so naiive as to imagine a perfectly human Sarah Kerrigan would not become the Queen of Blades Her fatal flaw is wrath, you see how quick she is to anger when she fights Tassadar. To quote the man himself,

"So long as you continue to be so predictable, O Queen, I need not face you at all. You are your own worst enemy."

she is predictable because of her wrath. In her beginning as the Queen of Blades, she's too consumed by all her fury, by her newfound power that she can and will use to demolish everyone who's wronged her, and she hasn't yet learned the wisdom required to use said power. this is a flaw she overcomes in Brood War, wherein she delays her fury and rage to arrange a temporary alliance, to wait for just the right moment to have her vengeance and crush her enemies.

aaaaaand here's the Wings of Liberty campaign going like "Zerg turned her evil. yeah she's killing and infecting terrans bcs that's what zerg do. we need to redeem her by removing her zergyness."

like - no acknowledgement to the fact that the terrans are currently being commanded by the dude who used her and then fucking left her to die???? bro like of all people you'd think Raynor would understand why she's waging war on the Dominion HE'S LITERALLY DOING THE SAME THING, but Blizzard gonna Blizzard and the final boss is Kerrigan bcs Raynor's gotta work with the Dominion to neutralize the greater threat - which is somehow Kerrigan. Okay.

It just really rubbed me the wrong way. Can you tell that it rubbed me the wrong way?

but then it redeemed itself. Bcs the Amon plotline.

NO I AM NOT JOKING. FUCK YOU THE AMON PLOTLINE WAS GOOD.

"oh but it derails everything and now my simple slapfight between humans and two aliens has transformed into some sort of cosmic battle between good and evil" fuck no it doesn't it was foreshadowed back in Brood War did you forget Duran? the fuck you think that man was doing if NOT foreshadowing that some fucking hidden power beyond every race's leaders was controlling the situation specifically through the Zerg? Even BEFORE Brood War, the lore that the Zerg and Protoss were both created by the xel'naga and that the Zerg were specifically created with a mandate to assimilate the Protoss was right the fuck there. you know who said that shit? THE OVERMIND. Pay attention bro, Amon was there all along!

Could he have maybe been introduced in a less jarring way okay sure but he didn't derail shit, this WAS the rails, you just got too caught up in the surface level fighting to recognize what was happening!

also, the Amon plotline was (before that FUCKING EPILOGUE) so extremely validating to me, let me tell you a story about when i was playing HotS - no, even before HotS, whcih did a lot of good stuff, in fucking Wings of Liberty, a campaign I just spent a few paragraphs shitting on, it did one super good thing. it did the Zeratul missions. It did this shit:

oh I imagine a lot of Starcraft fans hated this cutscene bcs it was an out of nowhere messiah plotline delivered via literal exposition ghost, but, see, I'm smarter than your average Starcraft fan, I am a genius and I'm sexy, and I know my wife Kerrigan better than anyone, even the fucking Starcraft writers (suck my dick Metzen) and I see this cutscene at 7:33PM, April 29, 2021, and I ran into my friend's DMs and said "I FUCKING CALLED IT"

BECAUSE I WROTE A FANFIC (unfinished, novel-length, self-indulgent, OCxKerrigan, highly nsfw, no I haven't posted it anywhere I wanna finish it first I wanna perfect it).

AND IN THAT FANFIC I WROTE SOMETHING SO ABSOLUTELY DERANGED I FIGURED IT WAS JUST SELF INDULGENT ABSOLUTE SKEWERING OF THE CANON JUST TO RUN SHAMELESS ZERG APOLOGIA:

I wrote that the Overmind, before capturing Kerrigan at New Gettysburg, telepathically communicated with her, and very specifically said that her human psionic mind would resist control until the bitter end, that it would kill itself rather than accept forced subjugation into the zerg, and THUS he had to ask Kerrigan PERMISSION, that he couldn't and didn't want to strip her of her free will, and he specifically promised to her power, and purpose, and the potential to usurp his place as the leader of the Zerg, and he specifically welcomed that possibility-

and like that's stupid that's so fucking stupid, why would the zerg ever value free will why would the Overmind pursue to the ends of the earth a servant that he couldn't control, that he knew could and would one day usurp him? there's no way this is canon-compliant-

IT IS

AND NOT JUST CANON-COMPLIANT, IT'S FUCKING CANON. ACTUALLY LITERALLY CANON.

STRAIGHT FROM TASSADAR'S MOUTH, THE OVERMIND DID THAT SHIT. THE GODDAMN EYEMONSTER HAD PLANNED ALL ALONG FOR KERRIGAN TO HAVE FREE WILL AND THAT HE SPECIFICALLY VALUED HER FREEDOM.

The only reason I can't say I predicted the future is because I started writing this fic after WoL released, but I clearly had some sort of precognition I fucking knew I was on the wavelength my deranged apologia was canon I was right.

OH AND THIS AMON SHIT GIVES ME FULL JUSTIFICATION TO BE A GREATER APOLOGIST THAN I EVER COULD BEFORE. BEFORE IT WAS LIKE "c'mon the zerg aren't people, they're mindless demons of destruction" OHHH NO YOU DON'T MOTHERFUCKER! THEY ARE PEOPLE, THEY HAVE MINDS AND FEELINGS AND WILL AND THEY'RE BEING CONTROLLED BY THEIR CREATOR - NO, THEIR CORRUPTER, AGAINST THEIR BEST INTERESTS,

AND THE PRIMAL ZERG, THE PRIMAL ZERG! THEIR GLORIOUS PAST! ZERUS, THE GARDEN OF EDEN BEFORE AMON'S MEDDLING, WHERE THERE IS NO CONTROL AND NO DESOLATION, ONLY THE RULE OF THE HUNT! HERE, WE SHALL FORGE A VISION OF THE LIBERATED SWARM, REUNITE WITH OUR PAST TO FORGE A BETTER FUTURE, AND OH LET'S NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THE PARALLELS BETWEEN WHAT AMON DID TO THE ZERG AND WHAT THE GHOST PROGRAM DID TO KERRIGAN,

BECAUSE THAT'S JUST IT, KERRIGAN IS THE SWARM, WHICH IS WHY SHE BELONGS IN THE SWARM.

SHE AND THE ZERG BOTH EXIST AS BEINGS OF INCREDIBLE POTENTIAL WHOSE FUTURES WERE STOLEN AND CORRUPTED FOR THE SAKE OF A HIGHER POWER'S TWISTED WAR GAME, TURNED INTO A LIVING WEAPON AND SET TOWARDS A CAUSE THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN, THEY ARE CHAINED AND THEY WILL ONLY ACHIEVE THEIR GREATEST SELVES ONCE THOSE CHAINS ARE BROKEN,

and this entire fucking theme of subjugation and of being transformed into a living weapon was in Brood War, too! That was what the UED did to the Zerg! This is why Kerrigan is the hero of Brood War, an entire species was enslaved and her, with her human mind, was the only hope anyone had of not submitting to Earth's slave army! Amon is simply the greater master who enslaves the zerg more subtly, with chains that are harder to break because they permeate across the hive mind link itself,

And by the fucking WAY, the revelations of that xel'naga relic, Zeratul's visions, the insight given by Zurvan of the primal Zerg, all bring such a delicious context to the entire wings of liberty campaign, and they make that campaign good and make everything I complained about earlier just an extra spicy flavoring and a dash of gray to our terran heroes, THEY MADE ME ACTUALLY LIKE RAYNOR???

bcs you know what, fine, perhaps Raynor does see the Queen of Blades as nothing but pure evil, perhaps he does choose to ally with the Dominion to destroy her, that is his human perspective, as someone who loved Kerrigan but knew her so briefly, all he can truly see is the Zerg as he understands them, the mindless living weapon, the infested terrans that beg for death as they seek to tear you limb from limb. We are imperfect, we aren't omniscient, perhaps I should forgive Raynor for his short-sightedness. He cannot concieve of harmony with the zerg because of what he has seen, so of course his dear friend is corrupted, infested, controlled, and he has to free her, and maybe he can make this deal with the devil. From his eyes, this is the best route he can take. He even knows he should not kill her, he knows what she's meant to be, and he has no idea how she'll go from the monster he sees now to the savior of Zeratul's prophecy, so he does what he thinks is best.

and as we see in HotS (and i think also LotV a bit?), Raynor's choice to use the relic was a mistake, it robs the zerg of their salvation and feeds so much energy into Amon's greedy maw... but also, it wasn't a mistake.

See, Kerrigan's temporary severance from the swarm frees her of the influence of Amon on her mind (though I am adamant that her actions have been PRIMARILY motivated by rage and vengeance and spite!), and when she sheds her humanity once more and properly returns to the Swarm, it is in the sacred birthplace of all Zerg, on the planet that obeys the law of nature, where hardship and violence are tools to produce an ever-greater self, and all that she has suffered will become her strength,

AND KERRIGAN ASCENDS - NO, EVOLVES - INTO HER PRIMAL SELF IN ORDER TO FULLY REALIZE THE OVERMIND'S PLOT OF LIBERATION. I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG AND SHE WAS A HERO, THANK YOU HEART OF THE FUCKING SWARM YOU REDEEMED SC2.

which just makes the fucking fire lady 'oh shes not zerg anymore she's xel'naga heehee' feel all the more bullshit???? Like, i thought it was bullshit before I knew anything abt HotS but now its SUPER bullshit, bcs primal kerrigan WAS her perfected self. She didn't NEED to become xel'naga. SHE IS ZERG! SHE IS THE QUEEN OF BLADES!

It's just so pointless. Nothing you could do to Kerrigan in this literal final hour of the entire Starcraft franchise could possibly be as thematically powerful as the Zerus arc, and you should've just continued those themes. leave Kerrigan's character arc concluded. Stop fucking with it. You had something amazing and you fumbled the bag at the literal last second. seriously, what the fuck? THAT'S how you end the series? What happened in the writers' room- other than the creepy misogynist bullshit we already know was happening, of course?

anyways yeah I hope that satisfied your curiosity. :D i don't wanna know how many words this was, I just know it took me like 2h to write. maybe more. I don't have a good sense of time. it's the autism.

[sargesiicle]

loki and mobius’ little conversation was more of a therapy session than all of bucky’s actual therapy ??

[postmodernismruinedme]

Okay, I wanted to reply publicly to this comment on this post I just made about Bucky going to therapy:

@natandacat, I’m not sure what the exact case is about Bucky’s therapist so I’m going to extrapolate here based on other knowledge I have (and keep in mind I’m Canadian and not in the military). 

Usually, court mandated therapy is either assigned, on a list of approved therapists, or to a specific program. It’s also usually for a set period of time or sessions. My guess is that because Raynor goes by Dr., she either has a PhD in Psychology or she’s an MD with a specialization in Psychiatry. She makes references to seeing a lot of dead bodies during her service so my gut instinct is that she’s an MD. She also mentions working with John Walker previously which makes me think a) she also worked in hostage rescue (so probably MD) and b) odds are that her name came up because John Walker was already being vetted for becoming the new Cap. 

My guess is that she was appointed by recommendation from someone who thought she’d be the right fit based on her experience and because she’s in the same city as Bucky. There might be a list of approved therapists for discharged Vets who end up in the legal system. I don’t know. I just very very highly doubt that Bucky looked her up in the phone book and picked her himself. 

[the-orangeauthor]

tell me about the PIRATES!!

- @akindofmagictoo

Excellent choice!

Captain of the barrier is a story centred around a motley crew (as every good pirate ship is) and how they suddenly find themselves inside of Raynor after being caught in the barrier for 100s of years, essentially frozen in time.

I have still yet to finalise names but here’s a run down of the cast:

The crew consists of our Captain, fairly young and ever so full of himself, he’s a flirt who would lay down his life for his crew. He’s an up and comer in the pirate world, and believes whole heartedly in fairytales.

Cook and chef are a father and son duo who run the dingy makeshift kitchen on board, runaways seeking freedom away from the law.

An ex assassin broods about the ship, unspeaking and unyielding with her death stare. She is a silent killer, an incredible tactical weapon.

Our Captains right hand man is also fairly stoic , balancing the Captains outrageous behaviour, but he’s a big softy and can often be found playing with all manner of creatures that they find on their journeys.

The Captains left hand (because he requires two hands for a job well done) is the ships key spokeswoman. A no nonsense attitude when it counts, she negotiates the payments and contracts for each journey - and can then be found getting just a little drunk with the other deck hands to ‘take the edge off after all that shop talk’.

They have no faces and no names but I love them all already ❤️

Feel free to ask me questions about my horde of WIPS!!!

[the-orangeauthor]

These are great questions with answers that are only free floating in my head so I'm gonna write them down here!

Place Names

In Raynor we have area names for large towns and cities but there are no exact road names but certain species are often found living in little clusters, even in the more diverse cities, so if you're looking for a certain witch in Bellrose check the coven closest to the Field of the Fae unless she's a crystal witch, head up to the cove on the coast. If you don't know, then put on your walking boots and get busy.

There isn't really any scarcity in Raynor - it's a borderline utopia in there! For now...

There are some types of flowers that are hard to get but they are by no means endangered in any way because their extreme self preservation methods keep them pretty safe from those who would like to pick them.

Currency and Infrastructure

Most areas in Raynor are self sustained, there's not any real currency because no one species can decide on something with the most value. Most small transactions are based on trade - potions, flowers, items for whatever you're purchasing. Silver and Gold coins to exist but are used more in certain areas than others ie due to the lack of flora in Ravenvein they use mostly 'money' though in large mixed cities like Bellrose, merchants have different prices for all forms of payment.

Houses and structures are built on individual bases as Raynor was built slowly over many years. The Royal Courts were the only large buildings that people were specifically hired and contracted to build and they're still fairly new compared to the rest of Raynors institutions and landmarks. Schools are built by communities, the Royals blessing is only needed for construction to begin and they are monitored/visited routinely.

Justice system

As the Royal Courts formed they put together laws that would take effect across the whole of Raynor. Some of the laws are specific to certain species because of the reach of their powers (eg dragons and fire breathing in urban places etc). Most areas have a group of people who form a sort of guard/warden/warrior group who undergo years of training and assessments and are largely in charge of keeping the peace in their respective areas.

News

Texhnology exists in Raynor but it too delicate for manyagic users to bother with (unless they've developed their own) so they rely on other means. Most species have messengers for local messages, but long distance messaging takes place mostly by Dragon. Dragons and Dragonborn can fly across Raynor in a day and often travel with packages and letters which are dropped off at the local messenger system who can then distribute them to people. Some species like Warlocks can use their shadow magic to teleport items to and from places, but you must be very strong in order to transport large objects/parcels.

Medicine

Healers exist in different forms across Raynor - those traditionally trained in biology, Anatomy etc and those with a natural knack for healing. Hospitals/medical clinics exist across Raynor, with different areas having specialist healers for the main species living their eg the doctors in the Limeacre pack are most accustomed to dealing with werewolves and the ways in which they heal.

Garden witches often have loads of herbal remedies which they sell and trade with the locals for minor ailments, though with some basic knowledge of local flora you can also help yourself. So overall, there isn't really a shortage of medical care across Raynor at all.

Hey! I came up with a few questions for future wbw asks (no need to post all/any tomorrow, please feel free to stagger them!). I'll admit they are more nitty-gritty because I am simply unable to turn off my law and policy brain, but hopefully people will still enjoy them. Thanks for all that you do!

How do people get around cities and know where to go? Are there street names? General areas where people with certain jobs live? Do people just ask random strangers where to find someone until they’re pointed in the right direction?

What scarce resources exist in your world? How are they managed? How does this scarcity cause conflict? Has the conflict been resolved (war, treaties, international agreements, etc.?), and if so, how long ago?

How is public infrastructure built? If it’s funded by the government, how does it get money (taxes, user fees, donations by wealthy citizens, etc.)? If there are taxes, how are they determined (per person, per household, by wealth, etc.)? How are taxes collected?

How does the justice system work in your world? If there are different types of sentient species with different abilities/lifespans/tolerances, are there different punishments for the same crime? Did each species develop a separate justice system, or was one system created with everyone in mind?

How do people get news from far off places in your world? How quickly can people communicate? How knowledgeable is the average person about global affairs?

How do medical services work in your world? How do doctors/healers get paid (by the patient, the government, crowdfunding in the community, etc.?), and if they are not paid, how do they survive? How common are doctors/healers? Are there a couple per town or do they have to travel long distances to provide medical care? How does this affect accessibility of medical treatment?

I am going to go ahead and publish this ask because if I leave it unanswered and harvest it piece by piece I will 1) lose my place trying to post bits of it week by week and 2) get excited and then let down when I see I have (1) new ask and then realize it's not new. I like to keep this blog's askbox tidy :)

[an-organized-confusion]

iZ!Sides Heights

Nobody asked for it. But I felt like tossing some height HCs for iZ!AU...

(Some discussion of childhood injuries made below, specifically Remus’s BG.)

-

I want to say that (at least one of the) the twins are the tallest. I kinda like them being taller than average.

Roman is probably 6′4″. I kinda like the idea of him being at least one standard deviation taller than average.

Due to orthopedic history, however, I think Remus would be the shorter of the two - he did break a leg and ankle when he was like 12. Given that, just how much shorter feels pretty variable on whether his growth plates were damaged or not. I want to say he was probably a bit taller than most boys his age - maybe 5′. So that leaves a range of possible adult height from that to those upper ranges. :Ic

Logan, I kinda like him being on the taller side of average, maybe 6′.

For some reason I kinda want Janus to be on the shorter side of average. 5′8″? Despite this, he’s actually real good at being intimidating with people if he needs to be. And he frequently needs to be. :,D

Why do I want Patton to be shorter than Janus? 5′6″, maybe? Oh geez, that could be nearly a foot of difference with Roman. I don’t want to fall into the trap of being too infantilizing about it it - but the image of Patton having to look up with Roman when standing is kinda adorable. (About as tall as me.)

Virgil, I think is just abt squarely average height, 5′10″. (Didn’t realize Thomas was this tall when I pulled the figure. Pffft.)

In other words  - ranking may be (tallest to shortest):

Roman

Remus? (if the damage to growth plates were minimal... though one my first depictions of ‘em put’s them close-ish in height.)

Logan

Virgil

Remus? (if growth plates were damaged unevenly & required future corrective intervention around 13-14...)

Janus

Patton

Remus? (if growth plates were arrested, stunting his height)

[nightingaletrash]

Naryu, Raynor, and Kireth are literally the only Pact characters I care about, there is no one else they could bring back that I could possibly care about, I need to see my wife and children again damnit

[mapplestrudel]

Okay, so yesterday I managed to crochet a bit and continued watching Heart of the Swarm, and I got to the point where Kerrigan frees Raynor from that prison ship.

And that‘s just another scene that doesn‘t make any sense to me.

Maybe it‘s because I‘m such a a fluffbird myself, but… Raynor cares about her, loves her – and he KNOWS Zeratul‘s vision. And all he gets out upon seeing her all zergified again, is an accusing „What have you done?“

Really??

No concerned „What happened?“ If not a „I‘m so glad to see you“, then at least a „Thank you for getting me outta here.“

And she HAD to get more powerful in order to get him out, she NEEDS to be more powerful for the fight against Amon – Raynor should effin know that from the crystal vision! Instead he pretends he‘s got some moral highground, „mimimi, you‘ve killed billions of people“. Well I got news for you, cowboy, you‘ve killed people, too... Not as many, I give you that. But technically, you‘re not so different.

„We‘re done.“

No, dammit, you ungrateful prick!

You want the same thing: revenge on Mengsk, and seeing that Zeratul‘s vision won‘t come true. Now give her a hug, say thank you and then go and make plans how to save the universe, goddammit!

[the-orangeauthor]

I am so ready to sleep but I need to share!!

For most of the species in Raynor the kids spend their childhoods training as apprentices under parents/teachers until about the ages of 18-21. At this age most species have a final test or assessment of some sort before the students can officially graduate and some species have more fun with it than others.

Werewolves have both the winter and summer athletic games for those training to be part of the guards. The games consist of tracking, hunting, sparring and some weapon based events and those who get the most points graduate at the top of their class.

Witches, warlocks and wizards all have similar final assessments in which they partake in a series of tests (all slightly different depending on their sub specialty) where they basically put on a grand show to show how strong they are and how versatile their knowledge of their magic is.

Elementals have traditional dances/sequences each which utilises different forms of elements and mastering all the dances means you have mastered your element. Each elemental group hosts a festival in their respective season where the students showcase their dances to be approved by the Elders.

Happy World building Wednesday! Today I want to talk about epic undertakings and competitions. Are there mighty games of athletic prowess like the Olympics, or perhaps displays of awesome magical talents? Starship races and obstacle courses, spelling bees and chess competitions? Caber toss, battle of the bands, city wife marathons - speak to me today of excess, of the wild things folks of your world do just to prove they can.

This is an open ask, for anyone to answer. For more world building prompts, be sure to check out @worldbuildingwedasks, and maybe submit some questions of your own!

[hildegardladyofbones]

1 am braintot let's gooooo

Okay not gonna give context, because my brain is doing the zoomies and I need to catch up

It is hinted throughout the show that there might be romance between mo and Yuko, but that is WRONG. It is simply lesbian gay solidarity. Like, Mia X Yuko is practically canon???

And you CANNOT tell ma that Yuko doesn't look like a butch and that Mia isn't a feminine lesbian. I'm sorry there are no straight people in this show (except maybe Raynor, but he's an ally, ok?).

And how can I talk about Mia and me without talking about the gayness that is Simo.

In the wiki it is said that Mo didn't like Simo at first, as he was "jealous". Newsflash, he was just in DENIAL.

(I have not watched the show in a while, but I will update if I find any evidence)

Prince Mo is simply gay, there is no other way around it. I have nothing to add, the proof is in the pudding or something like that.

Because the show is aimed at young girls, there are naturally a lot of female characters. Which means all of them are lesbians. You canNOT convince me that Panthea didn't have some sort of deranged love for Gargona. She had always showed some sort of curiosity towards her (I read between the lines there). Perhaps the reason why Gargona doesn't just leave us because she loves Panthea and after her death (oh yeah they totally murder Panthea, brutally I might add) she doesn't leave centopia because she's too attached to the few memories she has of Panthea. Sure, she tried to leave, but the waves are symbollical. If she tries to leave, she'll feel small without her, without staying in the known.

To this day, I have no idea what gender is Rixel supposed to be. I watched the local dub and my language doesn't have gendered pronouns. So, I am going to refer to them as they. They are a non binary icon if I've ever seen one. They have an eccentric persona, which is reflected by their bold clothes; they are out and proud.

The artists were not very subtle with Dax.

He is a male dominatrix of I've ever seen one. He Is like a walking stereotype, it's hard to miss his obvious queerness.

Okay, so I wanna talk about Onchao. The character who doesn't even speak the least (surprising, considering his species), but has more character development than idk, a character with a lot of development?

I originally thought that one of his best friends (flair) was a boy, but she's female, so whoops. But I do get panromantic vibes from him. He has big time daddy issues and is the perfect character for best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, fluff. I relayed to him a lot as a kid, but do even more so now. If we put him in the context of a fic, there are two routes it could go. Either Lyria Is an accepting mother, or homophobic. The latter is not impossible.

The more I think about him, the more I feel like he he would come out as non binary in the future, whuch opens up possibilities for even more angst.

Mia seems a lot gayer in centopia, which makes sense considering the name and the themse of the show. The name is Mis and me, implying that Mia is someone else than me, the me part referring obviously to Mia in Centopia. And that sounds like being in the closet to me. Not being able to be your true self in the real world and escaping to fantasies. And people back in the 19th century called women with short hair and gay women "fairies" (that's where the pixie cut comes from).

In conclusion, everyone is gay.

If you made it this far, I must applaud you for bearing my 1:53am rambles about an obscure cartoon.

[spideyhexx]

take a chance on me - b.b.

here's something I wrote for @buckyblues 4k writing challenge! I've been wanting to get back into writing, so here's my first go at it :)

using the song prompt "take a chance on me by abba." @edenslibrary

be sure to let me know what you think :) reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated 😊

bucky barnes x reader

summary: bucky has a crush on you. he's doubtful of himself, messes up, but turns it around.

WARNINGS: sfw. fluffy. some tiny tiny angst. bucky being self deprecating. huge hate of chekhov. bookstore owner!reader.

word count: 2.3k

Bucky replays his conversation with you a billion times within the couple of minutes it takes for him to walk from the quaint little book shop to his apartment.

After his favorite bookstore closed, Bucky took to finding a new one and stumbled upon the Murky Lime. He thought the name was strange, a little off putting, but as soon as he walked in, Bucky knew he was going to enjoy spending his afternoons there. It always smelled like hazelnut or vanilla, a scent he found so incredibly comforting that he bought a hazelnut scented candle for his home. Although it was a small shop, the shelves were loaded with books and he was able to find a hidden corner to sit down and read for a couple of hours, unbothered.

Not to mention the pretty girl that worked at the main desk and seemed to be the owner. You were there every afternoon that Bucky stopped by. He noticed how you would paint your nails when there weren’t as many customers. How kind your words were to anyone who asked for help. It took him a couple of weeks to work up the courage to ask you to help him find a book, even though he knew exactly where it was.

Bucky remembers when he complimented your bracelet and you smiled, stuttering out a thank you. The first time he saw you nervous. It gave him hope that maybe you were into him, but Bucky pushed away those thoughts as quickly as they came.

He couldn’t fathom how someone would truly want to be with him. Besides, he had enough on his plate, what with helping Sam on whatever mission he called him on and dealing with the occasional nightmare that haunted his mind.

That’s why he keeps on replaying the conversation. And cursing at himself for being so stupid.

…

“Hey Bucky!” Your words were cheerful, causing heat to rise up on his cheeks. You loved how a simple greeting seemed to get him all flustered. He’s still not used to even hearing his name come from your lips.

“How’re you doing, doll?” He lets the endearment slip, hoping he’d get to see you smile, and you do, before turning away and pointing at a box.

“I’m alright! And if you don’t mind, and you can totally say no, but I got a whole new set of Chekhov plays and I need to bring them to the play section, which is the furthest point from here and the box is a bit too heavy and I was going to make multiple trips but now you’re here and-”

“Of course I’ll help,” Bucky responded, chuckling at your babbling. You sighed, secretly hating your rambling habit, but it was hard not to when a handsome man was standing in front of you.

“I thought you hated Chekhov?” Bucky asked, picking up the box and following you to the play section.

“Oh I do, but a customer has been calling in for the last three weeks, asking if we have Chekhov and I thought I should finally put my Chekhov hating ass aside to appease the people who adore him,” you told him.

You couldn’t remember when you told Bucky you hated Chekhov, but you did not necessarily need to say it for someone to understand your distaste for the author.

“Or they could’ve just gone to a different bookstore,” Bucky mumbled, but you heard and let out a laugh. He put the box down and leaned against the opposite book shelf, hoping you would continue talking to him as you put the books away.

“So, I had another question for you,” you said, sneaking one glance at him before looking away.

“Go for it.”

“I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime? Not sure where but we could just go get some coffee? Or go out to dinner?”

This was it, the penultimate moment Bucky had been dreaming about ever since he laid eyes on you. Yet his mouth began speaking before he could really take it in.

“Um, no,” he said, immediately widening his eyes at your expression. Your mouth dropped to say something, but you weren’t sure what to even say.

“I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think I can, right now, maybe?” You raised an eyebrow at him and smiled softly.

“It’s okay to say no, Bucky.”

“I know that, I know. I think I’m just not ready right now,” he said, his voice quieter as he said the last part. His brain was screaming at him to retract everything he had just said to you and to tell you he would go on a date, but Bucky could not do it. He already felt like he had failed and saw no point in trying.

“That’s okay. But...if you ever change your mind, let me know, I’d still be down,” you said.

You were slightly disappointed, but understood his reasoning even if he didn't give you an exact one.

Ever since he first came to your shop, you knew exactly who the tall, blue eyed man was. It was hard trying to comprehend everything James Bucky Barnes had gone through. You knew asking him out might’ve been a big step from having occasional small talk. A small part of you hoped he would take a chance on you someday.

...

Bucky throws his jacket haphazardly onto the couch as soon as he gets home, not caring that it ends up falling to the floor. He lights the candle on the kitchen counter and collapses onto the couch face first, letting out the sigh that was building up in him ever since he left the Murky Lime.

How could he do that? Was he actually not ready to date? He told himself he wasn’t, that’s why he felt like he had to say no to your date. But god, does Bucky want to go out with you and hold your hand and kiss your cheek. He hasn’t felt this feeling in a long while.

All the therapy sessions with Dr. Raynor flood his mind. The ones where she encouraged him to try dating and finding new friends but he brushed it off, feeling like he was unworthy of it. How could a sweet girl like you see something in him, he simply did not understand it. But you liked him enough to ask him on a date and he fucking said no.

Bucky sends Sam a quick text that’s more like an entire paragraph explaining the situation and what he should do. He throws his phone to the other side of the couch and drops his head into his hands. His phone pings a few seconds later and Bucky scrambles to grab it.

I think you’re just afraid of dating buck. You’re definitely ready, you’ve done so much work to be yourself again and I’ve seen that in you. If you like her AND she mentioned still going out if you changed your mind??? Go get her, man. Take the chance. If it doesn’t work out and you really aren’t ready, then that’s okay too. But it’s clearly eating you up that you said no, so just go to her.

...

You button up your coat and stuff your phone into your pocket, straining your head to the side to double check the time. Closing the store required a particular routine that you perfected, but you did not expect to see Bucky’s face at the front door. He did not notice you looking at him and you see the hesitation in his hands before he opens the door.

“Hey,” he says, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Hello again.” Bucky gives you a stiff grin and rocks on his feet for a few moments. The silence is deafening and it’s just about too awkward for you to handle.

“Is there uh..something you want?” He glances up and your eyes lock with his pretty blue eyes. You feel like you could gaze into them all day.

“Yeah, if you’re still up for it, I would like to go on that date with you. I’ve been afraid to put myself out there, but you’re so kind and beautiful..” his words trail off and he’s distracted for a moment at how you’re biting your lip nervously.

“I wanted to take a chance, so yes, let’s go on a date.”

“Do you wanna go now?” Bucky raises his brow and nods. You run to the back door to make sure it’s locked. When you come back, you see that Bucky took it upon himself to turn a few of the lights off and he hands you your purse.

“What a gentleman, huh?” He blushes and moves to open the door for you. You lock it up and turn to him.

“Does a walk in the park sound like a good idea?”

“Perfect.”

Since it was almost evening time, the park was not as busy. Bucky prefers it that way, and you do too. He’s so close to you, you can smell the little bit of cologne he must’ve put on. You want to tease him for it but decide not to. Instead, you purposely brush your hand against his own and Bucky immediately takes your hand in his.

“Maybe after this we could get dinner,” Bucky suggests.

“That would be nice. You can pick where.” Bucky thinks for a moment before responding.

“There’s this diner..a couple of blocks from your shop actually. It was there back in….you know.” Now that he’s thinking about it, he wasn’t sure you knew. He doesn’t wear gloves to hide his vibranium arm anymore and it’s an easy google search but you never showed any indication you knew about his past.

“I know about your past, Bucky. I won’t ask anything about it if-”

“No, it’s okay. I can talk about it.”

You nod. You're not planning to scour his brain about the haunting details of his life as the Winter Soldier, but you were curious about his life before that.

“Does it look the same as it did back then? The diner, I mean.”

“For the most part. There’s some newer technology in there and updated furniture but the style is all the same. It’s kind of nice to go somewhere familiar.”

The two of you walk over to an empty bench and take a seat. Your hands are still intertwined, resting on Bucky’s thigh.

“One more question about the 30s and 40s and then we can head on over to the diner,” you say, making Bucky laugh and nod his head at you to continue.

“How were dates back then? Like would you do the same thing we’re doing now or was there anything different?”

“It’s mostly the same,” he tells you. Bucky looks down at your hand, admiring how you rub your thumb against his hand.

“But there were these dances. I haven’t seen anything like them nowadays.”

“I think the closest thing we have to that is nightclubs. I’m gonna assume that is not your scene,” you say, giggling at his disgusted expression.

“It isn’t. I like forties music. I tried to listen to newer stuff and it’s not all terrible, but still not my favorite. I don’t think anyone in a nightclub will play Tommy Dorsey or Dinah Shore.” You ponder that for a moment as he turns to observe what else is going on in the park.

Quickly, you take out your phone.

“What are you doing?” All you do is smile at him, setting your phone down on the bench and standing up in front of him. He raises an eyebrow suspiciously as you hold your hand out.

“Mr. Barnes, can I have this dance?” Bucky takes a look around. There were a few people around who seemed to not take notice of the music coming from your phone.

“Gladly,” he accepted, taking your hand. Bucky placed one hand on your hip and pulled you in closer to him.

“I must admit, I know this was my idea, but I don’t know how to dance,” you whisper to him. Bucky shakes his head, smiling so wide he thought his mouth would start hurting. He slowly moves his feet side to side.

“Just this is fine,” he mutters. He tries not to take his eyes off yours, but you’re so close and Bucky can’t help but look at your lips, slightly parted and letting out deep breaths. He moves your hand rest on his shoulder, both of his own now holding your hips.

You trail your fingers from his shoulder to behind his neck, clasping your hands there.

“Thank you for this,” Bucky says and he hums along to the song playing, ‘Be Careful, It’s My Heart’ by Frank Sinatra. You smile at it, so he keeps humming. Bucky leans his forehead against yours.

“I know it’s not perfect-”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s with you. And this is...it’s nice.” You feel like your heart is going to burst. His eyes keep flitting down to your lips and Bucky leans in.

As his lips ghost against yours, you move your head, so he ends up kissing your cheek. He pulls back, a confused look on his face.

“Save that for the end of the date, honey,” you tease, leaning up to kiss his cheek. You linger your lips against his skin before moving away from him and his scoff turns into a laugh.

“I’m holding you to that,” he says, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I hope you do” you mumble and Bucky pulls you in close to him, making you squeal. He twirls you and brings you back into his arms, his lips touching the top of your ear.

“Let’s go get some dinner now.” You nod and grab your phone, opting to let the music keep playing. Bucky doesn’t hesitate from telling you random music facts about the artists as you make your way to the diner.

And as you ramble on about your own favorite singer, Bucky thanks the heavens that he took a chance on you and that it was going better than he ever imagined.

[bbyboybucket]

I’ve thought about this A LOT and I’ve been waiting for this conversation to be had, so I can’t help but add in my two cents here. I do agree with you that he’s probably never attempted because like you said, he would have succeeded. However, I firmly, absolutely believe that he was planning to after he crossed off all the names in his book. I 1000% think that those names, those amends, were Bucky’s loose ends he needed to tie up before committing suicide.

For starters, Dr. Raynor’s actress said in SEVERAL, not one, but SEVERAL interviews that her character’s purpose was to keep Bucky from killing himself. I know there’s AT LEAST 3 different interviews where she says that (and I’m not talking about different places quoting the same thing, she said this multiple times). So thanks to her, we know for sure he was having suicidal thoughts in the series, that part isn’t even just a head snob, it’s legit. I used to have links ready to source cause I planned on doing a post about this, but I’m gonna have to find them again 🥲.

Anyways, another piece of my theory is his lack of furniture and belongings. I think he bought the bare necessities because he wasn’t planning on sticking around long enough to need anything else.

But Bucky’s behavior also fits the statistical

warning signs of suicidal ideation (and the typical behaviors leading up to an attempt). He engages in incredibly risky behavior with lack of regard for his wellbeing, he’s withdrawn socially, there’s increased hostility and anger. But also even though these are symptoms of PTSD/depression/etc. they’re also considered warning signs: being unable to sleep and talking about guiltiness. Because Bucky doesn’t just feel guilty but he expresses it to everyone.

Also Bucky says things that fall in to the warning signs. He said he feels like he has “nothing left”. There’s the “I’m not going to kill you” and sarcastic “imagine my relief” exchange between him and Zemo. These seem like very little things that until you think of them in a larger context. It’d also explain why he seemed to be putting off working on the list…..I think that suicide was his plan until Sam made him feel wanted and gave him a reason to stick around. Anyways that’s just my theory, off the top of my head and probably incoherently cause I’m basically just rambling. But I had to share.

do you think Bucky ever tried to kill himself?

Thanks for the ask Nonnie. Trigger warning for suicide discussion.

I once saw an interview excerpt of Sebastian saying — along the lines of — it’s the thought of Steve that stopped Bucky from killing himself in the 2 years he went on the run. My headcanon is pretty similar to his.

TL;DR - I think Bucky would have had frequent thoughts of suicide, but did not make an attempt, because he would have succeeded. I also think that even though Bucky did not attempt it, he nevertheless engaged in risky, self-sabotaging behaviours that could have killed him.

In real life, while suicide attempts are more frequent amongst women compared to men, deaths from suicide (ie successful attempts) are far higher amongst men than women. This is usually attributed to the fact that men frequently choose more lethal methods. Coupled with the fact that Bucky knows he’s a super soldier, and my view of his personality (efficient with his missions and ruthless towards himself), as well as the one canon mention of a male super soldier attempting suicide (Bruce “I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spat it back out”) I think he would’ve chosen a very deadly method if he made an attempt.

But I think what often happens with men (and women too) is that...sometimes people knowingly engage in behaviours that are unhealthy or highly unsafe. They might not intend to die, but they wouldn’t mind if it kills them. The social norms Steve and Bucky grew up with is that men are not allowed vulnerability and weakness. There was no word for PTSD in those days, nor was there a word for depression. You just kept getting more “melancholic” until it’s bad enough to be classified as “insane”. And when you take that into the eugenic context they grew up with, it is likely their attitude is to cop it on the chin for as long as it takes to avoid a mental health review or diagnosis. But…that means the sense of distress and self-loathing keep building up and need an outlet.

In real life, people sometimes turn to drugs and alcohol, often with full awareness the harm it’s doing to their bodies, and I am partial towards headcanons of Bucky engaging in highly risky behaviour in the immediate aftermath of escaping Hydra. This might be drugs and alcohol, or it could be taking on risky missions with minimal attempts at self-preservation. You could argue the same about Steve after Bucky’s death: Steve jumping across the fire because Bucky yelled at him vs Steve putting the plane in water despite Peggy pleading with him.

When TFATWS first introduced Bucky breaking the law and jeopardising his pardon to terrorise former Hydra agents, that felt real to me. He was self-sabotaging and self-destructive, and his snarl that “if he’s wrong about you then he’s wrong about me” means his identity is tied up with someone who wasn’t there anymore and he was never going to get the approval he needed again.

I think, the other thing to consider too, is Bucky having survived 70 years of Hydra torture suggests an incredible mental and physical resilience. We know he’s not hopelessly optimistic — in CATFA he’s the one trying to dissuade Steve from joining the war — but there must be…a certain kind of faith and relentless hope that keeps him going. The fact that he has had not one, but at least two (or three, if you count Endgame) villain origin character beats and still does his best to fight for the good side, suggests he has an indomitable love for people and the world despite how much hurt it caused him.

So I tend to think that while suicide may have frequently been on his mind, and he may have frequently engaged in highly risky or harmful behaviours, he hasn’t attempted to take his own life because there is something (whether that be Steve or some other thing) that keeps him going and keeps him believing there’s going to be a better tomorrow on the other side.