#raul esparza x reader

[rafaslittleboy]

MASTERLIST

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

I would also recommend not interacting if there’s things that trigger you. I write these because of the things and trauma I’ve personally been through and it’s how I cope.

life of the party (ft. rafael barba) —your first hookup at a family and friends small gathering get-together just happens to be your uncle sonny’s mentor. *

a hand to hold mine — being held hostage by one of the men that your big brother met during an undercover sting brings out confessions and new emotions. *

PROWL — your father’s relationship with your mom was already rocky to begin with, and when you get him to confine with you why he’s been so low lately; you offer him some help. *

older & wiser — sonny overhears a private conversation between yourself and your older cousin mia about lack of self pleasuring tools and decides to take it upon himself to help you (ft. a dick mould that he got for his first year of college as a joke… but it comes in handy). *

blurbs:

dad!sonny feral fucking *

step-sibling! Sonny and a cramped closet breeding *

big bro! sonny getting you on BC so he can cum in you *

relative! sonny making out with you in a closet

big bro! sonny smoking after a rough fuck *

dad! sonny + raf anon ask *

would dad! sonny get caught with you? anon ask *

would bro! sonny get you pregnant? anon ask

dad! sonny dicking you down in amandas bed anon ask *

big bro hcs *

blurbs:

single dad! rafa + pussy eating *

dad! raf + sonny anon ask *

raf grooming + nonconning reader anon ask *

coming soon

-

what I write:

incest, step-incest, abusive relationships, cnc, non con, grooming relationships, legal age gaps, murder, kidnapping etc. (if there’s something that’s not ok the list that you’d like to request, request it anyway and if I’m comfortable writing it I will!)

what I DONT write:

underage, stuff or anything involving minors/any sort of pedophillia, Piss, Scat, Snuff, beastality, full on DDLG (I write my reader inserts as mature and they act their age). this list will be updated.

* = smut

[bi-bard]

The Blood is Rare and Sweet as Cherry Wine - Frederick Chilton Imagine [NBC's Hannibal]

Title: The Blood is Rare and Sweet as Cherry Wine

Pairing: Frederick Chilton X Reader

Based On: Cherry Wine

Word Count: 1,684 words

Warning(s): HI, PLEASE TAKE THESE SERIOUSLY! unhealthy relationship, arrest, threats of violence, presence of a knife

Summary: Chilton had risked everything for (Y/n). His reputation, his job, even his freedom. But now that he had (Y/n) with no interference, he is left questioning his choices and feelings.

Author's Note: I've considered this plot a few times, but never went through with it. This song offered a controlled way to do it.

HOZIER [2014] WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

-----------------------

Frederick sometimes wondered if he had loved (Y/n) more when they were behind bars.

If that barrier was a necessity for him to truly accept this relationship of his.

He had known it was wrong from the moment he entertained the idea.

(Y/n) had been a resident of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane for a while. They had grown accustomed to every face that would pass through its halls. It was home. It likely would have been for the rest of their life, and they were all too aware of them.

Frederick was in charge of (Y/n)'s care.

He was an administrator. Truly, practicing wouldn't have exactly been a requirement at this point in his life. However, he only had so many people employed... and he enjoyed the fame of treating the ones that society considered to be the evilest of humanity.

A dangerous obsession of his.

(Y/n) had grown to adore the little game they had going with Dr. Frederick Chilton.

They had taken up spending their sessions trying to get to him instead of working on their own issues. They were good at it too. It merely took a few carefully placed compliments and batted eyelashes to cause Frederick to shift a little in his chair.

"Why won't you come closer," (Y/n) asked one day, watching the man sit in the chair that had been placed behind a yellow strip of tape.

"There's been an occurrence of patients trying to pee on their therapists," he explained. He tried to move past the topic quickly. "Or spit on them."

"I'm disappointed that you think I would even try to participate in such behavior," (Y/n) replied.

They were back in a private room. No guards around. It was for (Y/n)'s comfort. When they did open up, it was more likely to be in a space like this than the small boxes that others had been kept in.

(Y/n) stepped closer to the bars. "Come on, Frederick. If I was going to hurt you during our sessions, then I would have done it a long time ago."

He raised an eyebrow at them.

"Come on," they drew the word out a little as they grinned at him. "Please?"

A sigh escaped him before pushing himself out of his chair.

When he stopped walking forward, there was still quite a distance between the pair.

"Frederick," (Y/n) complained. "Am I really so much of a threat that you can't stand in front of me like you would a friend?"

"You're not a friend, you're a patient."

(Y/n) placed a hand on their chest and pretended to be hurt by the statement.

When Frederick didn't reply, they dropped their hand and spoke up again, "I think we both know that you do not see me as merely a patient."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I think I haunt you," they continued.

"Haunt me?" he repeated.

"And not out of fear," they added. "It's quite flattering, really."

Frederick shook his head, scoffing. Deny until you couldn't. That was the thought process that he seemed to be operating under.

"Come here," (Y/n) pushed him. "Please?"

He took a deep breath before taking a few more steps forward.

"There you go," they said. "This is much better."

"What do you want," he asked.

They shrugged. "Maybe I just want to be closer to you."

"Funny."

"I'm serious," (Y/n) insisted. "You're telling me that we have spent all of this time together and you have never thought about what could happen?"

"Nothing could happen."

"Aren't you the big man in charge?"

"(Y/n)."

"Frederick," they muttered, moving even closer to him. They reached their hand out and touched Frederick's tie. "What's the real answer to my question?"

It was tense between them.

"Hello..."

"I've thought about it."

(Y/n) let out a fake gasp. "Really?"

Frederick rolled his eyes.

"Maybe one day," they entertained the thought. "When there are fewer people glaring at us."

It was a dangerous idea. But (Y/n) had said just enough to plant the idea in his head.

Truly, that's all that (Y/n) needed to do. Anything else could be planned without them.

Frederick spent ages questioning the idea. He knew how dangerous it was. If he was asked, he could name every risk off the top of his head. He knew that he shouldn't have even considered it.

But he did.

And it took all too long for Frederick to walk through his front door and find (Y/n) sitting in his living room.

"Welcome home, dear," they said with a smile.

He grinned back.

They stood up and walked over to him. Their arms wrapped around his neck. Both of them sighed. It felt like the weight rolled off of the pair. It was nice.

(Y/n) leaned forward and pressed their lips to his. It was such a perfect moment.

Frederick began to accept that this was all worth it.

For obvious reasons, (Y/n) was confined to Frederick's house after that night.

With all of the pressure, Frederick had no interest in taking any extra risks.

(Y/n) despised that. They were bored and tired.

"I am getting restless," (Y/n) explained, bouncing over the back of the couch to sit next to him. "I've spent years in a cage. I thought that I was meant to be free now. All I have now is nicer clothes."

"And me," Frederick added.

(Y/n) hummed. "I would argue that I had you before. Only difference now is that I can touch you without checking for guards first."

He raised an eyebrow at them. They moved forward and wrapped their arms around his neck. He grinned before leaning forward to press his lips to theirs.

It still felt strange to be able to kiss them with no hesitation.

Frederick wondered if there would ever be a time when he got used to the feeling of their lips on his.

He didn't have much time to entertain the idea before his head was pulled back and something was pressed against his throat. It took him a matter of milliseconds to recognize the thing as the edge of a knife.

"(Y/n), what the hell are you doing," he asked, terrified that all of the risks he had taken were all pointless.

He saw a grin break out on their face. They started laughing as they pulled the blade away. He stared at them.

"Oh, relax," they waved him off as he stared. "Gosh, it was a fun joke."

(Y/n) threw the knife across the floor, letting it slide away from the pair.

"I have to have a little fun when I'm here."

The stunned look on his face was reminiscent of the look he would give if someone spilled wine in his house. Maybe (Y/n) was the equivalent of a stain on all of the white details that filled each other rooms.

Frederick prided himself on his intelligence. He always felt the need to appear smarter than everyone else in a given situation. If he couldn't prove it, then he would act like it.

But now... he was confused. More confused than he ever had been before.

He was lying to the people that worked with him, to law enforcement, to the people that may have still cared about him. All while (Y/n) pulled silly little stunts in the name of "a little fun."

If it had happened once, then Frederick could have moved on with no questions. But it didn't. (Y/n)'s "fun" always seemed to be the result of scaring him half to death. They always giggled like there was no difference between those behaviors and tickling a person.

But there would be these periods of peace. Times when Frederick could look at (Y/n) and fully understand the actions that got him there. He could imagine the love and the need and the lack of logic that was completely logical in his mind.

The scales were tipping back and forth, waiting for the balance to be lost forever and for everything to come crumbling down.

Frederick wasn't sure why that day had been the day he called the FBI. Maybe it was something he saw or some conversation he had. All he knew was that it was the right choice.

(Y/n) made dinner for them.

Each one of them at opposite ends. They acted like nothing was wrong. Like (Y/n) wasn't aware of Frederick's sudden nervousness. They acted like this meal was completely normal.

(Y/n) asked about his day. He asked about theirs.

(Y/n) called him "dear" and looked at him with a terrifyingly loving gaze.

Frederick felt fear shift from his stomach to his throat. Like vomit rising, prepared to come out as soon as he kept his mouth open for a few moments too long.

The police lights shined through the windows in the middle of the meal.

(Y/n) didn't bother looking out the window. They simply scoffed. Frederick took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

(Y/n) rolled their eyes. "You know how much I hate liars, dear."

They stood from their seat and walked to stand in front of the front door. They moved to their knees and laced their hands together behind their head. They saw no purpose in running. Not now.

Frederick stood from the table to watch them.

The SWAT team entered with guns drawn.

(Y/n) offered an obnoxiously polite grin.

Jack Crawford was behind the team.

"Hi, Jack! Been too long, hasn't it?"

"Absolutely," he said in the same taunting voice that (Y/n) had put on.

"How do you like the house," they asked. "I thought it was going to be perfect."

Jack shrugged. (Y/n) laughed.

"You're fun, Jack," they commented.

"You know what else will be fun?" Jack tilted his head as he spoke. (Y/n) acted like an excited kid. "A trip down memory lane."

(Y/n) pretended to be shocked as an officer rounded around (Y/n) and cuffed their wrists.

(Y/n) called out to Frederick as they were led out, "Love you, dear! I'll see you soon!"

And he couldn't tell if the idea made his heart speed up or stop in its tracks.

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Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[devilishcupid]

❝ BARBA & CARISI, DILFS AT LAW. ❞

the way i want to be in between them so badly.

[gillslyds]

Dating Rafael Barba

[squadmuse]

SFW ALPHABET

THE RAFAEL BARBA EDITION

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

It takes a while for Rafael to open up and be truly affectionate with you. He’s slower than most, but still a gentleman and spoils you whenever he can. As your relationship progresses however and as Rafael feels more and more comfortable with you & your relationship together, then he is extremely affectionate towards you and absolutely cherishes you. Cuddles, kisses, hand holding etc. you name it, when Rafael treats you like this, you’re The One for him.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

You and Rafael click quickly as friends and have a great friendship together. You’re an Assistant United States Attorney while he is an Assistant District Attorney for Manhattan, and can usually be found in each other’s offices having lunch and a catch up. He loves that you’re snarky and sassy like him, and unafraid to stick up for yourself & victims and survivors. Rafael is a great friend to have, he’s always a phone call away, with the greatest advice and shoulder to cry on if needed. He loves surprising you with tickets to a Broadway show, museum tours etc.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Rafael isn’t the cuddliest at the start of the relationship but he melts easily after a while with your hugs and cuddles. He isn’t used to affection unless from his Mami or Abuelita. Rafael loves hugging you from behind, cuddling on the couch or in his home study & office after hours.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Only when Rafael knows for certain that you are The One 100% will he want to settle down fully. He didn’t have the nicest home life due to his father and has had his heart broken by people he loved & trusted. As he has been a bachelor for years, Rafael is adept at cooking & cleaning but takes his laundry to the dry cleaners. His house is pristine, but he longs for the day that you & him are married with a child playing with their toys in the living room.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Rafael is a gentleman, somewhat old fashioned yet distant at first so he would likely break up with you face to face. He thinks it rude to do it over the phone or to ghost someone especially if they’re someone like you.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

You and Rafael are together for a while before he decides to propose marriage, as he wanted to be certain you were not going to break his heart or leave. You’ve moved in together after a couple of years and Rafael knows you’re not bothered by his wariness & past. Once he proposes, you marry within the year in a quiet close knit ceremony at the Catholic church nearby as a tribute to his Mami & Abuelita.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

As he was abused physically and emotionally by his own father and had his heart broken before, Rafael is gentle and kind towards you. He might be less so at the start, accidentally screwing up or putting work before you, but after a while Rafael becomes an open book to you. He’ll never ever raise a hand or fist to you, and he never curses or swears at you, but sometimes he does snap or bite when he’s stressed.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Rafael hates admitting it but he loves hugs, he’s so touch starved and loves getting to collapse into your arms after a long stressful day. He’s very gentle with his hugs, rubbing your back as you rest your head in the crook of his neck. Sometimes he hums a song at night.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

As said before, Rafael doesn’t say I Love You for a while but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t show his love for you. He struggles opening up, showing himself truly and being vulnerable with anyone, and when he gets to that point of being vulnerable & comfortable, then he says it quickly and doesn’t stop saying it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Rafael does get jealous but it is down to the insecurities he has himself and not about you, he’s been dumped for other guys before and he knows how incredible you are that Rafael always wonders — why did you choose him of all people to be with, what is so loveable about him? Rafael will busy himself with work more often when he’s feeling like that, but he also gets possessive to an extent and makes sure to let you know how much he loves you.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Rafael Barba aka Makeout King. He is almost timid at first, scared that he might’ve crossed the line when he kisses you that first time. But his kisses are electrifying, intoxicating and downright sweet at the same time. When he’s fully comfortable with you, Rafael can’t stop kissing you and will kiss anywhere he can on you.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Rafael doesn’t have much if any experience with kids, especially babies. But he isn’t against them, and he loves getting to teach them things, whether it is some basic Spanish, a fairy tale book or some random facts. Rafael worries about hurting children, having seen how his own father acted and behaved. After a while, Rafael does get more comfortable around younger children as you have nieces, nephews and godchildren that all end up calling him Tío Rafa.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Rafael hates mornings, and only brightens up when you suggest showering together to save time… although you sometimes end up rushing out the door after too long in the shower together. In the kitchen, Rafael makes a beeline for the professional coffee maker that you bought as a birthday present for him and makes a very strong coffee for himself and a cappuccino for yourself. Usually, Rafael has prepared his briefcase & outfit the night before. You make sure he takes some actual lunch with him also.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nighttimes are spent together either in Rafael’s study (he brings his work home now that he has you, not staying extremely late at the office) and you end up working together or talking about work, life and each other. Rafael gives you a massage while you pour him a small glass of his favourite scotch.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Rafael is very slow to open up and reveal things about himself. You met Lucia by accident, as you had dropped by his office at Hogan Place to talk/argue about a case that each of you were certain to have jurisdiction over, and there she was when you greeted him with a “Rafi amor…” - needless to say Lucia hated that Rafael had been hiding you away from her. You try so hard to make Rafael realise that his traumatic past doesn’t define him or who he is.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Rafael is usually very patient with you, and especially with you compared to others. He tries so hard to not get angry or even irritated by you, but when he’s had a bad day at work or having one, every single thing anyone does seems to annoy him.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Rafael has a giant brain and incredible memory, but sometimes when he’s stressed out with case after case, he does end up with things slipping his mind and he hates it. Rafael is also able to remember things you’ve said you have liked in passing or in conversation, even months back but he remembers it and buys you whatever it was.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Rafael’s favorite moment in your relationship was when he brought you to his Mami, Lucia’s home for the first time for Sunday lunch & dinner. You and his Mami got along instantly, and he was amazed at how quickly his Mami liked you as she was usually overprotective of him. It was that day, seeing you laugh and smile with his Mami, that Rafael knew you were The One and that you fit in perfectly with his family.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Rafael is very protective of you, and would have an armed escort following you around if he could. He’s had people blackmail him in the past and death threats against him, but Rafael doesn’t worry or care about himself, his main focus is you. Rafael likes knowing how protective you are of him in return, how much you love and look out for him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Rafael puts a lot of effort into dates, anniversaries and gifts, only the best will do for you in his eyes. Both of you work as attorneys and have long hours, but Rafael will spoil you with an anniversary trip to Gstaad or The Bahamas, a nice bottle of champagne or wine, a nice pair of Christian Louboutin heels etc. Every day however, he does his best to be an excellent boyfriend or fiancé or husband and enjoys just being with you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Rafael can get hyper-focused on work and ends up working himself thin and bare. At first in the relationship, he would prioritise his Mami & Abuelita over you and while it didn’t bother you, he did it a lot until he realised that you were upset. He works long hours too, and sometimes your hours don’t match up or your vacations either and Rafael is a man on a mission when it comes to his career and will at times, prioritise that.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Rafael Barba is very vain. He has his hair and beard styled & trimmed perfectly, has complimenting colours in his outfits with ties matching pocket squares etc. and he hates it when he starts going grey (but slowly comes to love it too when you let him know how hot you find it)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

When Rafael has let you into his life, his heart and soul, he feels very incomplete without you there and wonders how he became such a man — but he realises it is because how he loved you, you are & were his soulmate.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Rafael loves taking you dancing, and shows off his move to you on the dance floor. It helps his anxiety and insecurity by showing off, doing fancy little moves to impress you.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Rafael doesn’t like anyone who is demanding, too high maintenance or clingy, and he doesn’t like abusers or alcoholics. Also anyone who doesn’t respect his position, his Mami & Abuelita is out the door ASAP.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Rafael can be found some nights asleep at the desk in his study, and you always wake him up as you know he needs to sleep in bed because of his back. He also loves that you have a ton of cosy blankets & quilts on the bed, it seems to help him sleep much easier.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Bittersweet Symphony: Chapter 2.

"You're so beautiful like this," You looked over at the man sitting at his desk, a small smile across his face, illuminated by the small lamp. "Like what? Sleep deprived, haven't showered in 3 days, living off energy drinks and spite?" You joked, shifting a bit self consciously on the leather couch. Rafael gave a small chuckle, "Like you. Looking at you like this, I don't think you've ever looked so beautiful,"

“You need to eat,”.

Carisi’s voice next to you brought you out of your self-induced misery. The cursor on the computer screen blinked a few times before you turned to face your partner. “I ate,” you argued, pulling out a packet of rice paper biscuits.

“You know, when my sister was pregnant, there was this little bakery a few blocks from her apartment that made these scones with ginger and chamomile. I’ll see if they still make them and bring them over some time.”

You smiled weakly at his thoughtfulness, but your stomach turned at the thought of food. “Thanks, Sonny, but I’m fine. Really. Me and food aren't really getting along at the moment.”

Carisi’s eyes softened with concern. “You need to eat,” he repeated gently. “It’s not just about you anymore.”

You sighed, knowing he was right. The stress from the ongoing case had been overwhelming, leaving you nauseous and exhausted. All you wanted was to go into the back room and sleep the rest of the day away. Just as you were about to respond, Carisi reached out and took the packet of rice paper biscuits from your hand, replacing them with a granola bar from his pocket.

“At least try this,” he urged. “It’s got nuts and dried fruit. Better than those biscuits. More nutritious for you and the baby.”

You took the granola bar, unwrapping it slowly. The sweet, nutty apricot smell was surprisingly appetizing. You took a tentative bite, and to your relief, it went down easier than expected.

“Better?” Carisi asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“Yeah,” you admitted. “Thanks, Sonny.”

He smiled, the worry lines on his face easing. “You know I’m here for you, right? Whatever you need, just let me know. I'll bring some more of those over to you later on.”

“I know,” you said softly. “And I appreciate it. More than you know.”

He patted your shoulder gently. “Good. Now, let’s take a five-minute break. We’ve been at this for hours, and you need to relax.”

You nodded, grateful for the reprieve. The two of you walked to the break room, where Carisi made a pot of herbal tea. As you sat together, sipping the warm tea, you felt a sense of calm wash over you.

“You’re a good friend, Sonny,” you said, breaking the comfortable silence.

He chuckled. “Just doing my job. Can’t have my partner running on empty, especially now.”

The sincerity in his words touched you deeply. You knew he wasn’t just talking about the job; he genuinely cared about your well-being, you knew that all he wanted was what was best for you and the small being inside you. The past few weeks he had been the one constant in your life, from the moment you told Liv and the look of shock on her face "Is it-?", to Amanda giving you tips and offering you her daughters old baby clothes "I know you've only just gone into your second trimester but its better to be over prepared then under prepared trust me,".

“Thanks for looking out for me,” you said, feeling a surge of gratitude.

“Anytime,” Carisi replied with a warm smile. “We’re in this together. I told you this. It's you, me, the fetus in there and even Barba if he ever gets his head out of his ass” There was a silence that fell between you, and you knew what was coming next, "Have you heard from him?" You paused mid chew,

the granola bar suddenly feeling like lead in your mouth. You took a slow sip of tea, trying to buy yourself a moment to compose your thoughts. “No, I haven’t,” you finally admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Carisi’s expression was a mix of concern and frustration. “It’s been weeks, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you said, avoiding his gaze. The pain of Rafael’s absence was a constant ache in your chest. “I thought he’d come around by now, but… nothing.”

Carisi sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I know he’s got his reasons, but this isn’t fair to you. Or the baby. Have you asked Liv if she had heard from him?” You gave a small shrug, "Lets be real for a moment, if she had heard from him she would still leave it up to him to come to me. She wouldn't tell me,"

You nodded, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill over. “I just don’t understand how he can be so distant. I thought we were in this together.”

“People react to things in different ways,” Carisi said gently. “But that doesn’t make it any easier for you.”

“I just wish he’d talk to me,” you murmured, feeling the familiar wave of sadness wash over you. “I don’t even know if he wants to be involved anymore. I feel like my whole life is on pause waiting for him. Whether it be waiting for him to call me, or to come back or something. I feel like I'm just stuck in this space and I can't even move on from him until I get some type of closure”

Carisi reached out, taking your hand in his. “Listen, no matter what happens with Rafael, you’re not alone. You’ve got me, and you’ve got the squad. We’ll get through this together.”

“Thank you, Sonny,” you said, squeezing his hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’re stronger than you think,” he replied with a reassuring smile. “But I’m here for you, every step of the way.”

<:>

Later that evening, as you sat alone in your apartment, the silence was deafening. You picked up your phone, scrolling through old messages from Rafael, trying to make sense of his sudden withdrawal. Your heart ached with longing and confusion. Finally, you decided to call him, hoping to break the silence.

The phone rang a few times before going to voicemail. You took a deep breath and left a message, your voice trembling. “Rafael, it’s me. I just… I need to know what’s going on. Please, call me back. We need to talk.”

You hung up, feeling a mix of relief and dread. You had put yourself out there, and now all you could do was wait. As the minutes turned into hours, the weight of uncertainty settled heavily on your shoulders. <:>

The next morning, you arrived at the precinct feeling more exhausted than usual. Carisi noticed immediately, his brow furrowing with concern. “Any news?” he asked quietly.

You shook your head, trying to keep your emotions in check. “No. Nothing.”

He sighed, pulling you into a comforting hug. “I’m sorry. But remember, we’re here for you. Whatever happens, you’re not alone.”

As the day wore on, you threw yourself into work, trying to keep your mind off the unanswered questions and unspoken words. But every time your phone buzzed, your heart skipped a beat, hoping it was Rafael.

It wasn’t until late afternoon that you finally received a text. Your hands shook as you opened the message.

“Can we meet? - Rafael”

<:>

You couldn’t stop the constant twisting and turning of your stomach. Despite how hungry you felt- the rumbling in your stomach reminding you that you’ve barely eaten anything all day-you couldn’t help the small gag that came over you when the coffee was brought to your table.

God you felt so angry.

The white hot anger that twisted and turned in your stomach with every breath you took. You wanted to yell, you wanted to scream, you wanted to shake him and ask him why you weren’t good enough.

Why did he abandon you?

The silence between you and the man in front of you made your heart ache, conversation between you both used to flow so easily but now, now you couldn’t find a single word to say to him. You knew there was so much you wanted to say, to tell him. There was so many questions you wanted to ask him. So many Why’s you needed answers to, but nothing could come out of your dry lips.

“Is it mine?”.

The words left his mouth quietly, as if he was ashamed for asking. Your head shot up, meeting his brown eyes with your own, the question lingering in the air between you.

Is it mine?

Those words made you feel a hatred you hadn’t ever felt towards Rafael Barba. Not when you first met, not when you would be left red-faced after a lashing from the former ADA, not ever.

“What do you mean is it mine? Of course it’s yours. There isn’t anyone else I’d-“ you swallowed deeply, looking back into the brown liquid inside the cup before pushing it away from you, the smell making you want to regurgitate what little food Carisi managed to shove down your throat before you came.

“Where were you?” You heard your voice break, you wished that you had gotten a glass of water in before starting this conversation. The tears started welling up in your eyes, “I needed you and you weren’t there. Not just for this but for so much more. I woke up, and all you had left me was a note. No one had known where you had gone and I thought-“ You swallowed deeply and began picking at your nails, an anxious trait you had inherited from your grandmother, “I don’t even think it matters anymore. You made your choice,” You stopped picking your nails and looked up, seeing him look at you with an indescribable sadness across his face.

“Of course it matters. I hurt you and for that nothing I do can make up for it. After what happened I couldn’t put you through that. Could you have really been with someone who was labelled a baby killer?” He gave a sarcastic scoff, “I love you. I could never have asked you to give up your career to come with me. To run away with me,”

“But I would have,” You didn’t hesitate to interject, “If you would have asked me to resign and come live in the middle of nowhere with you then I would have,” Your voice rose slightly earning glares from the few patrons in the cafe, “But you took that choice from me thinking you were doing some noble shit. And now I’m pregnant, trying to make decisions that I can’t make by myself. I was alone, I was heartbroken and you weren’t there,”

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t. But I’m here now, I’m here to support you whatever you choose to do,” He went to reach across the table for you but you moved away. The thought of the man you once loved touching you made your skin crawl, you saw who he was and it made you feel sick.

His hand moved back to his cup, “Are you keeping it?”

You let out a small sigh and nodded, “Yep. I don’t-I don’t think I could go through with it. I thought about it, especially since you made it pretty clear you want nothing to do with me, but this is what I’m doing. I'm just over 14 weeks now, so either way this is where we're at. Whether it be with you as co-parents or without you,”

“I was hoping we could talk about that?”

You raised a single eyebrow, motioning for him to continue.

“There wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about you, or what you were doing. I never stopped loving you,”

“Yeah you did. You stopped loving me the day you walked out. I’m not doing this again. I let you in, it took us so long to get where we were. It took years for us to be together and you threw it away because of your ego and your assumptions. I won’t make the same mistake again,” You reached into your small black purse, ruffling around for some bills for the untouched decaf.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay,” Rafael stated simply.

You stood up, a bit unstable in your feet as vertigo hit; you paused for a moment before turning to face the man across from you, “The difference between you and me is that when I said I’d love you forever I meant it. You just don’t seem to get it, what you’ve done. You think that you can come back and walk into my life and nothing has changed. But Rafael everything has changed; everything has changed between us. Do you know what I think? I don’t think you came back here for me, I think you came back for something else. Otherwise where were you weeks ago when I called you?” For the first time since you've known him, there was no words which had left his mouth. No sarcasm or sass, no sincerity or words that could make your heart stop in your chest. There was just silence from him. A silence which made your heart break and your decision final. "Did Liv call you here?" You asked with an air of finality, your voice trembling but resolute. You needed to know, even if it shattered the last remnants of hope you clung to.

Rafael’s face contorted with a mix of guilt and sorrow. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. The silence between you stretched, thick and suffocating.

“That’s what I thought,” you said softly, more to yourself than to him. The reality of the situation washed over you, leaving you feeling hollow.

“Please, let me explain,” Rafael finally managed, his voice barely audible. “Liv did call me. She told me about your condition, how you were struggling. She thought I should know. But I came back because I needed to see you, to try and make things right.”

You shook your head, a bitter smile forming on your lips. “You had every opportunity to come back on your own. But it took Liv calling you to get you here. That says it all, doesn’t it?”

“I know I failed you,” he admitted, his voice breaking. “I thought I was doing the right thing, protecting you from my mess, but all I did was hurt you more. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t change what happened,” you replied, the anger and hurt bubbling up again. “Sorry doesn’t change the fact that you abandoned me when I needed you the most. I can’t trust you, Rafael. Not anymore.”

He looked down at his hands, clasped tightly around his coffee cup. “I understand. I just… I want to be there for our child. I want to make things right, if you’ll let me.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “I appreciate that you want to be involved now, but it’s too late for us. I can’t go back to the way things were. But for the sake of our child, we can try to co-parent. We can try to make this work for them.”

Rafael nodded, tears glistening in his eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I promise.”

You stood up, feeling a strange sense of relief mixed with sadness. “We’ll see. But for now, I need some space. I need to figure out how to move forward from this.”

He rose as well, looking at you with a mixture of regret and hope. “I understand. Take all the time you need.”

You turned and walked away, leaving Rafael standing there in the café. As you stepped outside, the cool air hit your face, and you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the past few weeks slowly lifting off your shoulders. It wasn’t going to be easy, but you knew you had the strength to face whatever came next.

[daddydoddsjr]

Hey! Could i request #14 and #30 from the inexperienced prompts with barisi x reader? If you’re not comfortable doing with both of them then can you do with whichever one you’d like to? 🧡🧡🧡

Inexperienced Smut Prompts #14 and #30 - “You’ve never even touched yourself?” & “It’s not scary at all. Let me show you.”

-

You were lying in Rafael’s bed, your head against Sonny’s chest as Rafael sat in front of you, carefully pulling your panties off. You had been in a relationship with both of them for a few months now, and it was all still very new to you.

“Show me how you do it when you’re alone,” Rafael told you, his hands gently rubbing your thighs. You shifted a little, now embarrassed, “Well… I’ve never…” You trailed off, hoping they both got the hint.

“You’ve never even touched yourself?” Sonny asked, clearly a bit surprised, as was Rafael. “Why not?”

“It always seemed… scary, I guess.”

“It’s not scary at all. Let me show you,” Rafael’s hands slid down your thighs. His thumb began to rub small circles on your clit, causing your hips to jolt. This only made Rafael smile a little, “So sensitive, el cariño,” He said lowly before sliding two fingers into you. You let out a small moan at the feeling, and your eyes closed. You felt Sonny’s hands on your chest, taking your breasts into his hands and massaging them and playing with your nipples.

After a few minutes of this, you began to feel the heat in your stomach grow hotter, and you looked up at Rafael, who was watching your every move.

“I can’t wait to see how pretty you look when you cum.”

[evan4ever]

Why am I fantasizing over a 52 year old man?????

Why do all the LOMLs have to be significantly older than me 🥲 WHY AM I ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN???

But yeah, sorry, my current obsession is Rafael Barba (Raul Esparza) so I’ve been sidetracked in writing for Evan WHOM I STILL LOVE AND ADORE WITH MY WHOLE HEART I just need time to obsess over this beautiful old man for awhile 😭

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Holding on For Me ~Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Partner!GradStudent!Reader (feat. Rafael Barba)

Summary— Rita gets hurt badly and ends in the hospital. Her two closest people, you and Rafael, come running. But you’ve never met each other, and now your partner’s and his best friend’s life hangs in the balance…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, then fluff, heavily implied physical assault, hospitals, near death experiences, bruising, implied scarring, crying, hyperventilating, implied anxiety attacks, happy fully ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You rubbed your temples with a sigh as you stared at her dull computer screen and flipped the pages of your extensive notes. You was violently pulled out of your doctoral thesis research by the sound of your cell phone ringing. Eager for a distraction, you swiftly picked up the phone.

“Hi this is is Y/N!”

“Hello Ma’am. I am calling from Mercy Hospital, I have you listed as an emergency contact for one Rita Calhoun?”

Your heart dropped. Rita? What had happened? Was she okay??

“What happened? Is she okay??”

“She was brought in about 30 minutes ago… She’s currently in surgery, pretty banged up. I am just making my rounds and contacting her emergency numbers in case.”

“Ok thank you so much, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” you hastily replied.

As soon as the call had ended, you jumped up from your chair, your heart racing and your mind spiraling. You scurried around her apartment, collecting things that you or Rita might possibly need at the hospital, throwing all the miscellaneous items into a bag before storming out of the apartment. You were swift to hail a cab once out on the city streets, eagerly giving the address of the hospital. Was Rita going to be okay? What if they lose her before you got to the hospital?

The words hospital and surgery made your stomache sink. Your hands felt like they were going numb, and your mind seemed to only be able to come up with the worst possible scenarios on what could have happened to Rita. You bit at her lip anxiously, and you closed her eyes for the rest of the cab drive, too overwhelmed to bear the stimulus of sight at the moment. Did this have to do with Rita’s job? Maybe an ex-client or someone who’d threatened her? What was the last thing she said to Rita…??

As soon as the cab stopped outside of the hospital, you paid the driver and rushed inside the bustling ER doorway. You immediately found a nurse and asked about Rita, who led you to the waiting room for trauma surgery, a separate, more secluded area of the hospital. The nurse had not been able to tell you much, besides the fact that Rita was still in surgery. So you anxiously paced the little waiting room, biting your fingernails and feeling like you wanted to cry. ‘Pretty banged up’, how badly was her partner hurt? Why were you the only one here??

Memories of you and Rita flooded your mind. You remembered when you two first met, it was only a couple years ago, but you had grown so close since. You thought of all the late nights that you two had spent together, laughing and drinking until both of you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. You remembered how much Rita worked, just how passionate she was about her job. And now in a matter of 15 minutes that could all be ripped away from you? Rita taken from so swiftly, so cruelly?

You approached the nearest nurses station and asked about your partner again. As you were trying to pry any and all information out of this poor young nurse, a man stormed into the waiting area. You had the slightest sense that she knew him from somewhere, but as he was pacing the room furiously, muttering certain choice words in Spanish, you couldn’t quite place it. Then the man came up to the desk where you were standing and spoke. What if these were Rita’s last waking moments…? How could you live with yourself if Rita didn’t make it…?

“Hi. Do you have any information about Rita Calhoun and how she’s doing?” The man asked rushedly.

Now that he was right next to you and after revealing he knew Rita, it clicked for you. This was Rafael, Rita’s best friend from her college years. The two had never formally met, you had seen a picture or two of him in Rita’s apartment (from the many nights that you’d had dinner and stayed over) and you had only heard about Rafael when Rita elected to talk about him. You knew that while they were good friends, there were wounds in their personal pasts, so you never pushed to meet him. Had Rafael and Rita ended on good terms in the last time they talked? Did he know if this was work related…??

“You’re Rafael…” you managed to breathe out.

You were surprised that you had even been able to get out one word with the lump in your throat. Rafael turned from the counter to face you, giving you a quizzical and slightly defensive look. How could this have happened? It had been going all so well, and now with a simple call, life has turned upside down…

“Yes. And you are?”

“Y/N. Rita’s partner.”

Rafael’s brows raised and his eyes glistened with intrigue. He seemed to decide that you were alright, because he sent you a confirming nod, before going back to grilling the nurse for more information. Had Rita been threatened…? Attacked? Taken??

Trying desperately not to cry in front of him or the hospital staff, your knees suddenly began to feel weak. Before you could catch herself, your legs buckled and you collapsed on the cold, hard, hospital floor. Rafael was quick to turn back towards you, giving you his hands to help stabilize your overstimulated state. Your weak form managed to make it to one of the waiting room seats, where Rafael promptly sat next to you. It was then that you noticed how much your entire body was shaking. Rita couldn’t die… No, she couldn't die… It just… She couldn't it…

“I… I didn’t know Rita had a partner.” He stammered aloud, breaking the silence of the two of you sitting in the hospital, both equally nervous wrecks.

You shrugged in response, not having the wherewithal to respond to that at the moment. Silent tears finally began to stream down your face, as you started to let it all out. You curled forward, holding your head in your hands as you sobbed for what felt like hours. How would you ever be happy again? You would never move on. You couldn’t. Rita was your everything… You couldn’t face losing her…

“I don’t know what I’ll… d-do if… If Rita…” you stuttered, not able to finish your statement, as your voice returned to choked sobs.

You felt a soft and gentle touch on your back, making you uncurl and meet Rafael’s own reddened gaze.

“Rita is one of the strongest, hard ass people I know. Ever since school… I have never seen a fighter quite like her. If anyone will make it, it’s her.”

“Thanks” you croaked out.

Awkward silence took the room, the only sound being the hustling and bustling of the hospital. Rafael eventually removed his hand from your back, as it began to feel like he was overstepping. But the second you lost that touch, you seemed to only feel worse.

“Do you know w-what h-happened…? Or w-why…?” You stammered out in a whisper.

Rafael leaned forward, his forearms coming to his knees with a heavy sigh.

“I know that she’s been facing scrutiny and backlash for the last case she took. but besides that I don’t know…” he breathed out.

You pulled your knees up onto your chair, wrapping your hands around your body for some semblance of control and comfort, as you let out a shaky sigh.

“S-so it is work related…?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, I’m sorry… Truthfully, I hadn’t talked to her since she took that case, I was the lead prosecutor and we… we had a bit of a fallout over it…” Rafael gritted out.

His defensiveness seemed to have vanished, all that being left being the vulnerable, close friend of Rita’s. His knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing his hands.

“Christ the last thing I probably did was yell at her to get out of my office…” he confessed, looking down to the ground with shame and guilt.

“I… I can’t even r-remember what the last thing I said to her was…” you choked out through violent sobs.

Rafael looked up at your wailing and his hand came out, caressing your shoulder lightly. He squeezed your trembling form reassuringly.

“I’m sure you told her how much you loved her…” he softly comforted you.

“I don’t know… I d-don’t know…” you changed in a whisper, starting to rock back and forth anxiously in the seat.

“Hey. Take some deep breaths… She’s going to be okay.”

Your glossy eyes met his reddened ones and you two just connected. All because of Rita. You were so grateful that she had found a friend like Rafael. And Rafael was grateful that she had someone like you to support her as a partner. Suddenly you were both drawn back to the crushing reality by a nurse coming up to you with a file in hand.

Rafael immediately stood and walked right up to her, demanding answers. You couldn’t get yourself to stand, so you merely looked up at the two standing adults with pleading eyes.

“Are you family?”

You both nodded vigorously.

“How is she? What happened?? Can we see her…??” Rafael demanded.

“EMT’s responded to a Good Samaritan call who found her in an alley… The ambulance brought her here to Mercy and she’s been in surgery ever since. It was a little touch and go, she has a concussion, multiple lacerations, a four broken ribs, scattered bruising, and a shattered left forearm…”

Your mouth went dry at the nurses words and you couldn’t think as tears began to stream down your face once more. Your lip trembled as you bit it, attempting to stifle your sobs.

“Can we see here??” Rafael immediately asked.

“Yes you may see her, she’s finally out, and she’s somewhat awake. I’ll take you to her, But take it slow, she has a long road to recovery…” the nurse said.

Rafael let out a sigh of relief and he quickly turned to you. Extending his arm, he helped you up and down the hall towards Rita’s private room. The nurse let you in, closing the door behind the two of you.

Rita looked peaceful for a moment, lying in the bed, but as she began to wake up, pain flooded across her face. Practically all of her exposed skin was bruised and battered, the biggest being her black eye. Her eye widened as much as she could widen them at the sight of you and Rafael.

“Holy fuck…” Rita winced in pain as we tried to sit up.

You immediately rushed next to her, sitting at the edge of the bed. The older brunette leaned back again, giving up the idea of sitting up properly for her moment, instead meekly attempting to reach out to you with her right hand, and you eagerly met her more than half-way, taking her hand and kissing it over and over again as tears of joy steamed down your cheeks.

“Rita Rita… God I’m so glad you’re okay… How are you feeling…?” you whispered, continuing your love and tender assault on her hand.

“Hi baby… I’m… in a whole lot of fucking pain, but I’ll live…” she breathed out in confession.

Rita smiled lightly back. But even that seemed to hurt her, as she winced lightly again. Rafael was standing at the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets as he watched the two of you. His eyes softeners watching your dynamic, he scolded himself for being so goddamn stubborn. Because if he hadn’t been, Rita might have introduced him to you…

“Oh Baby don’t move, stay still. Doctors orders you need to rest. Don’t want you getting more hurt…” you pleaded caringly and with much love.

“She’s a stubborn hardass. Doctor’s orders won’t stop her…” Rafael teasingly cooed, meeting Rita’s gaze.

Rita rolled her eyes at her closest friend.

“Shut up, you idiot… Now come over here and hug me.” Rita shot back with the same teasing tone.

Rafael chuckled, looked down to the ground as he made his way around to the opposing side of the bed, releasing his hands from his pockets, the man leaned over and gave his friend a proper embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m so glad you’re alive” Rafael whispered to Rita, before retracting slightly, but staying close and gazing at her caringly.

Rita wanted to cup his cheek and pull him close, tell Rafi that it was all good, but her drugs were at a heavy dosage and soon they began to pull her back into unconsciousness.

“It’s… okay Rafaellll…—” she mumbled before dozing off.

Your gaze then met Rafael’s, coming to an understanding that neither of you would be leaving anytime soon.

~~~

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[haunting-venus]

green with desire ↳ rafael barba x fem!reader

content warnings | smut ( minors dni ), canonical svu violence, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy/anxiety ( so, light angst ), dirty talk, fem!dom if you squint really hard, some begging

word count: 6241

Of all of the terrible ideas you’d had in your life, debating punching a police officer in a crowded bar was definitely top three on the list. Your rational mind knew that it would end with split knuckles and an assault charge, while the emotional side of your brain told you to throw rationale to the wind and throw your knuckles across that brown-haired bitch’s temple.

You tried to focus your gaze on anything but the woman inciting your rage, your nails biting into your thigh. Soft light flickered off of the vintage art prints hanging on the wall, reflecting the black-and-white images of famous figures in the history of New York. Pop music sounded against the walls, just loud enough that you could feel the bump in the music at the bottom of your chest. The venue was moderately sized but felt claustrophobic with the amount of casually dressed NYPD officers that teemed at all corners, sipping a variety of beers and leaning against the polished mahogany countertop of the bar.

Leaning against that mahogany bar was a tall, slender woman with tumbling brown hair and doe eyes squinted in delight at the man in front of her. A manicured, unpolished finger circled the rim of her mojito while her other hand rested closer and closer to the man’s rested elbow. Below her fitted purple top rested a gleaming gold badge, saddled on a shapely hip. Her teeth glinted just as brightly as her badge when she giggled, lightly swatting the man’s arm. None of this would necessarily be a problem, if the man the officer was inching towards was not your boyfriend.

Instead of letting your fist connect where it was itching to, your grip tightened on your margarita glass and took a heavy gulp of the sour drink. You were a guest at an unofficial NYPD get-together, surrounded by acquaintances celebrating the recent closing of a corruption case in tandem with an officer’s birthday. Somewhere in the crowd, Detective Sonny Carisi strolled with a beer in his hand and a ‘Happy Birthday Big Boy’ pin gleaming on his breast. Tensions had run so high within the precinct the last few weeks that the need to let loose was nearly oozing off of every civil servant in the bar. The last thing anyone here needed was a librarian they barely knew from Queens assaulting a police officer and disrupting a perfectly civil get-together.

You’d met Rafael Barba while waiting in a ridiculously long line for the new coffee shop that opened down the street from the library you worked at. Caught in your own world listening to a podcast, eyes downcast to adjust a seam on your cable-knit sweater, you had collided head on with the rushing attorney resulting in black coffee tipping onto each of you. The pale blue shirt under his pin-checked brown vest and jacket had suffered the most, thoroughly drenched in hot coffee with a mottled brown stain right across his chest. You’d made a horrified, choked noise and tried to apologize as you rushed across the room in search of napkins, mumbling apologies as you dabbed at his wet suit in vain.

His annoyed gaze had softened slightly as he watched you flit around the shop with pink cheeks and wild eyes, completely ignoring the mess on your own shirt in favor of making amends to a complete stranger. He had eventually chuckled, pushing your hand away from his chest and declaring the suit a lost cause. You’d finally been able to get a good luck at him as you lowered your hands, trying to reassemble some sense of pride as the patrons of the shop gazed after your neurotic display. He was hispanic, not too tall but with broad shoulders outlined pristinely by his tailored jacket, brown hair coiffed and barely out of place even with all of your fretting. His green eyes shone with a hint of amusement even behind his mostly serious expression.

You had insisted on paying for the dry-cleaning of his suit, to which he brushed off the offer with a chuckle, promising that no grudges would be held in exchange for a new cup of coffee. He had been intrigued with your kindhearted (if strange) behavior and the way your cheeks flushed cutely when he smiled at you, prompting him to ask if you’d have time to meet for a real sit-down coffee the following week. You’d been delighted and tense at once, not one to go out on a limb with strangers, especially such handsome and well-spoken ones.

When you had met Rafael for coffee the following Thursday, the two of you had thankfully been able to avoid spilling your drinks on one another, to which Rafael had given a quick joke about in order to break the ice. You’d found yourself easily falling into conversation with Rafael, who you had learned was a prosecutor that worked nearby for the District Attorney’s office. Your nerves were quickly comforted by his easy ability to joke and his unhidden interest in getting to know you, his soft green eyes never leaving your smiling face. It didn’t take long to discover that you shared a love for historical fiction literature and high-end coffee, and you had ended the lunch with entwined fingers as he walked you to the large double doors of the library you worked at.

A few lunches quickly turned into dinners on the rare nights when Rafael was able to escape his office, where he showered you with compliments and wine expensive enough that it made you nervous to drink it. You’d quickly become accustomed to the strong feel of his hands gripping your waist as he kissed you in the entrance of his oak-furnished apartment entryway, heat rushing through your veins at the heated whispers he hissed into your neck. You treasured the quiet mornings in his kitchen almost more than the extravagant dinners. Scrambled eggs and espresso in his brightly-lit kitchen overlooking the city, his hair soft and unstyled as he swayed with you on the tile floor, that peek into this more relaxed version of your usually nothing-less-than-proper partner felt more precious than gold.

You’d never been the type of person that flaunted their relationship, especially since Rafael was such a prominent figure in the New York legal system. There was a prickling fear in the early days of your relationship that you were too plain to publicly be seen with a man associated with such prestige and power, that you would look like nothing more than a sweater-clad bookworm feigning at being worthy of a man much above her standing. When Rafael had discovered this, he’d been quick to quiet your concerns with his fingers in your hair and his head between your legs until you could think of nothing else.

After his many reassurances that he would love to show you off at any time possible, including to his coworkers, you’d become more self-confident. You’d begun to surprise Rafael at work with bagel sandwiches from an artisan bakery in between your workplaces, toting coffee and paper bags through the looming hallways of Hogan Place and barely paying attention to those who spared you a second glance for planting a kiss on the primly dressed ADA. Soon afterward, you had joined the squad of the Special Victims Unit and Rafael for the celebration of the conviction of a serial rapist. You were proud of the progress you had made with Rafael’s coworkers, forming timid friendships with the detectives that he worked so closely with on a daily basis. You were glad that you’d gained enough confidence to hold your own without using Rafael as a fallback in social situations with his coworkers, but it all felt bittersweet now that he’d been approached by another woman as soon as you had gone to chat with Detective Rollins with celebratory tequila shots.

You had gathered vaguely from Amanda that the brunette ogling your boyfriend at the bar was a recent witness in a major police corruption case that Rafael had been handling, Detective Sandra Allen from the Narcotics division. She was a hero and a villain at the same time in the eyes of her fellow cops; a snitch who ratted on her fellow officers who were spending their county-paid salary hours manipulating prostitutes into sexual favors in exchange for staying out of prison. The case made you sick, and the fact that you could feel nothing but disdain for this woman who bravely stood up and testified on behalf of those sex workers made shame burn deep in your stomach.

You didn’t need to be a police officer to notice Amanda’s sly looks between you and the scene going on at the bar, or that she was trying to hold back her laughter from the growing redness in your face that you tried to blame on the alcohol. You had hardly been listening to Fin’s rambling story about how his grandson had been inexplicably angry at the balloons he’s seen in the park because they would not stop floating, no matter how much he asked. On any other day, you would have loved to look at Fin half-drunkenly showing off his adorable lump of a grandson with a grinning smile. Right now, though, you could only hear the deep cadence of Rafael’s laugh as he finished off his scotch, and only see Detective Allen’s beautiful and flirtatious smile directed toward the man you had spent the last several months building a life with.

You were worried that the glass in your hand would shatter under your grip as you set it forcefully on the table. You knew there was no reason for you to be acting this way, feeling so scorned and bubbling with jealousy over the easy way that Allen fawned over your partner. You knew more than anyone the easy charm that Rafael brought to conversations, even when he was being a sarcastic bastard. You knew you weren’t the only woman who admired his passion and his good-looks, but having it shoved in your face like this felt much worse than just knowing it in the back of your mind.

Amanda’s mischievous expression quickly morphed to shielded concern when she noticed just how much you were bothered by the scene in front of you. Her demeanor took on the protective edge that came so easily to all the detectives you had met at the SVU, poised to talk someone down or to throw an elbow into someone’s teeth. “Hey, you want me to go do some crowd control over at the bar? I’m sure the Counselor is just waiting for the best opportunity to get out of there.”

You knew that you should just go over there and put a stop to it. You wanted so badly to have the conviction to strut over to Rafael, straddle his lap and make him moan in front of that woman, to show her just how he crumbled under your touch, how you were the one to bring him to his knees, to receive his hardships and his worship, not her. That display of power, of claim over a man that so many people wanted, would no doubt make her back off. But that wasn’t who you were. You were not the sultry-smiled woman who captured the eyes of every room she walked into, the one who could bite at a woman to back off of what was hers. So, instead, you threw back the rest of your drink, taking a moment to relish in the burn of tequila and the acidity of the lime that buzzed through your veins, and sent a tight-lipped smile to Amanda and Fin.

“I think I’m actually gonna turn in for the night. Too much tequila makes me stupid, you know.” You gave an unconvincing chuckle as you set some bills on the table to cover your drinks and a tip. Amanda opened her mouth to protest, hoping to keep you from leaving, but you were already pulling your peacoat onto your shoulders.

You had only gotten halfway down the street, heaving heavy breaths to lighten your heart rate and the burn behind your eyes, when Rafael called out your name from the direction of the bar. The street was relatively quiet for a Wednesday night, with only a few stragglers walking between the handful of establishments on the block. You steadied your expression before turning on your heel towards him with a shaky smile.

He stepped toward you with a soft look so often reserved only for you, his brows furrowed in slight worry. His black trenchcoat fell beautifully against his broad chest, green eyes accented by the specks of emerald in his patterned tie. Even after months, you still felt yourself melt a little at the kindness behind his eyes. “You ran out so quickly with no goodbye, is everything alright?”

“I’m just tired, and you seemed like you were having a good time talking to Detective Allan. Didn’t want to take you away from the fun.”

His eyebrows rose in question at the unexpected bite in your tone. You had tried to hide your rising feelings with the shit poor excuse, but Rafael hadn’t become a successful ADA by not being able to read people. It was one of the things you loved and hated about him, how he could peel back the layers of what you were feeling to gaze at the very core of you. It made you feel cared for and probed at the same time.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I was only being cordial with a witness who put a lot on the line to testify in our case.” He stepped into your space, running a thumb across your cold and flushed cheeks. His voice was steady, his eyes honest but confused. You scoffed lightly, still feeling your anger simmering but being calmed by his steadying touch. His hand dropped from your cheek at your exclamation, steadying a solid look at you. “Look, you know I am not exactly the DA’s office favorite person, much less the police department. She was worried about how her colleagues were going to see her, she wanted advice on how to deal with interoffice conflict.”

“Oh, don’t pull that. The only thing she was worried about was how quickly she could get your hands up her skirt.” The words burned your throat, emerging into the air before you could stop yourself. You knew Rafael wasn’t a stupid man, and you didn’t want him to treat you like you were either.

“Excuse me?” Rafael’s eyes hardened, a muscle in his jaw twitching as you took a step back from him. Your outburst had gained the attention of a passerby who gave the two of you a quick once over, and it only stoked your anger and shame. Rafael guided you with the motion of his hand towards the side of the sidewalk. “Look, I didn’t mean to abandon you, I’m sorry. I was only being polite to a woman who is going through what might be the worst time of her life. She needed someone to reassure her, to ask about her options-”

“So she had to wait until your girlfriend left to ask you about all of that? I’m not naive, you know. I see how women look at you, the looks they have when they realize you’re with me, like you’re settling for something that’s so beneath you. That they could give you something hotter, younger-”

“Stop! Just stop!” He ran a hand across his face, his expression softening as he saw the hurt on your face, the insecurity he thought the two of you had quelled long ago. “We’ve talked about this, I thought we had dealt with this. You are the only one I want to be with. The only one that I want to see in my bed in the mornings or bringing me coffee for lunch or watching tv in my old t-shirts. It’s only you.”

Shame and anxiety still burned deep in your blood as you felt burning behind your eyes. The anger had fizzled like a campfire under rain, replaced with humiliation settling deep into your stomach. A few tears wet the side of your face, and you avoided what you hoped wasn’t pity on Rafael’s face. “I’m sorry, I know that. I just- I just lost my temper and-”

“Look, I only want you. I want you to know that I only want you.” He brushed away the wetness from your cheekbone with a reassuring smile. He pressed a fleeting kiss to the side of your head as he pulled you into his chest, stroking a heavy hand between your shoulder blades. His woody cologne mingled with the salt of your tears, wrapping around you in comfort.“Let’s take a cab, forget about this bar. If you’re still doubting the way I feel about you, I clearly didn’t get my point across last time.”

You pulled back with a surprised laugh, tightening your grip on the sides of Rafael’s neck. A new heat flushed to your face with the intrigue in Rafael’s eyes, your ego stoked that he still found you desirable in the messy state that you were in. You leaned up, capturing his lips in an impassioned kiss, letting the feel of his stubble and the grip of his fingers wash over you like a wave. A shiver ran through your limbs to your fingertips, goosebumps rising as you felt the edge of his teeth against your lips. A heated gasp went through you as your back hit the nearby wall, feeling the solid line of Rafael’s body slot between your legs and against your chest. 

“Let me bring you home, show you exactly how much I want you. Please, hermosa, let me.” His voice was thick and had an edge of desperation that shot heat through your entire body, igniting every edge of your nerves with the brush of his lips to your neck.The lick of power that ran through you at having this man, so powerful and beautiful and respected, begging for the opportunity to bed you sent you reeling. With a nod, you pulled Rafael to the edge of the sidewalk to hail a cab, his hand gripping your waist.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You’d spent the majority of the cab ride from the bar stroking your thumb on the inside of Rafael’s knee, taking long moments to let your eyes linger on the clenching of his strong hands, the swell of his powerful chest beneath his vest, the slow darkening of his eyes with arousal as you raked your eyes over him. In the elevator ride up to your loft, his fingers trailed teasingly along the bottom of your sweater, sneaking underneath to rub at the skin of your hip with fleeting touches that ran heat up your spine and between your legs. You felt yourself wanting to push him back against the mirrored wall of the elevator, to go down to your knees and to hear your name echoing from his lips as you sucked him, but kept your face falsely neutral. This was part of the game, of him letting you know how much he wanted you, how he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. You felt your face flush with the intimacy of the touches, his eyes glinting at your suppressed smile.

By the time you’d reached the entrance of your studio apartment, the buzz of your earlier tequila drinks had worn off in favor of the thrill of Rafael’s touch skating up under your shirt, fingers trailing beneath your clothed breast. As quickly as your jacket slid to the floor, your back was pressed solidly against the entryway wall, your hair pushed to the side to let your boyfriend suck slow kisses into the column of your throat. The nick of his teeth against the cord of your throat let a soft sound rise from your chest, your head falling back to knock against the wall.

Stepping away to remove his trenchcoat, Rafael took a brief moment to admire your panting frame, your cheeks flushed high with want and warmth. His tone was breathy, but serious as he hung up his jacket and vest.“You’re sure that you’re in the mood? I can always bring out some wine, put on that Bermuda Triangle documentary you’ve been wanting to watch.”

His words were sweet, but you could still see the heat burning in his eyes, even as he stood carefully away from you as he awaited your answer. You smiled as you stepped forward, fingers stroking the bulge in his black trousers, a rush of confidence coming from the deep groan he let into the air. “As lovely as that sounds, I think I’ll save that for after I ride you until the neighbors complain about the noise.”

“Your noises or mine, cariño?” He taunted as he pulled your sweater over your head, his hands finding your breasts with a delicate squeeze as you pulled him by the tie towards your bed in the further corner of your studio. His thumbs rubbed against the ridge of your nipple through the thin bra, your bitten lip barely containing your groan. His lips found yours again quickly, swallowing up the breathy noises you made.

“Why don’t we see who makes them come knocking first?” You grinned as pulled firmly at the back of his hair, letting a groan rumble against the seam of your lips. A swell of pride rose in your chest as you pushed Rafael back against the mattress, making quick work of his buttons as you let your ass fall firmly onto the bulge in his pants. His hands gripped your thighs tightly, his fingers indenting your pants with their firm hold. He brought his left hand between your thighs, letting his thumb rub idly against you through your pants as your movements on his buttons stuttered. 

You steadied yourself against Rafael with a hand on his shoulder, rushing to remove your bra with the other hand to feel your skin against him. Your fingers stuttered over the clasp repeatedly, your head falling back at the pleasure that pooled between your legs. An easy smirk graced his handsome features at the stuttered breath you let in at the work of his fingers, sitting up at the waist to pull your breasts against his chest and rub between your legs more firmly. “Getting distracted over there, hermosa?”

The pet name brought a groan from your throat, wetness pooling in your cunt from his deep voice laced with arousal. Rafael’s pressed white button-up hung loosely off his shoulders, and you pushed the rest off with a renewed need to get your hands on his bare chest. His tan skin stretched over a strong chest and corded shoulders that held you firmly, dark chest hair brushed across your skin. You ran your hands down his pecs to run your nails across his stomach near the buckle of his belt, relishing in the shiver that ran through him.

Your tongue licked into his mouth with a moan, bringing one hand to the back of his head to thread your fingers through his salt and peppered hair while your hips moved against his covered cock. The hand over your pants faltered as he pulled away from your kiss, letting you get a look at his wide-blown pupils before he took his teeth to your neck with a moan.“Who’s distracted now, huh?”

You rolled to the side to shimmy out of your cotton pants, taking care to stretch your back to give Rafael a view of the curve of your ass as you turned. He pulled himself to the head of the bed, one hand stroking firmly against his hard cock over his trousers while he held the other near his kiss-swollen mouth. You felt a pang of wetness between your thighs at his lidded gaze, his eyes following each curve of your body like it was a melody he yearned to play. You leaned forward toward Rafael, your hair tumbling over the swell of your breasts as you climbed on top of him. His hands quickly moved back to slide along your body, one pinching your nipple while the other slid underneath the purple lace between your legs, dipping his fingers into the wetness there.

Rafael groaned as you ground your cunt against his hand, letting you seek your pleasure from his steady hand. The hand at your breast lowered to unbutton his trousers, his cock peeking from the edges of his dark briefs. “God, cariño, you're always so wet for me. You like my fingers on you?”

You stuttered out a breath as Rafael’s fingers dipped inside you, the palm of his hand rubbing gently against your clit as he stroked inside of you. The rolling pleasure from both areas of contact had sweat building on your chest, a moan coming high in your throat when you tried to answer. “F-fuck, yes, Raf, just like that. God…so good.”

Your breathy words spurred him on, adding another finger to your pussy. You gathered some composure, gripping your nails into Rafael’s shoulder with pleasure while your other hand went to stroke his thick cock. His rewarding moan was well worth the effort it took to keep a clear head as his fingers massaged inside you, bringing you rapidly to a crest of rising pleasure. Your legs shook even as you brought your hand up in a stroke, tightening your grip around the head in the way you knew made his eyes roll back. Precum dripped from the tip of his cock, slicking the way for your fingers to work faster, to make him feel as good as he was making you feel.

“Fuck, if you keep doing that, I’ll be gone before I even get to fuck you.”

He groaned out your name as he flipped you onto your back, moving your hand from his cock as he moved his thumb to rub firm circles against your clit.You threw your head back in pleasure from his show of strength, his forearms and biceps flexing enticingly each time he drove his fingers into you. The fingers of Rafael’s other hand gripped your ass, bringing your hips up to his hand as he kissed his way down your neck and breasts. He murmured praises of ‘beautiful’ and ‘mine’ that made your blood soar, pleasure cresting low in your stomach as your breath quickened. Your moans pitched, your nails digging into Rafael’s shoulder letting him know you were close. He breathed out a few words of Spanish, letting his teeth sink hard into the junction of your neck as you reached your high. His name slipped loudly from your lips before you bit down on your lip, shaking in his arms as he continued to stroke you through your orgasm.

Your gaze was blurry with pleasurable tears when you faced Rafael, bringing his lips to yours in a messy kiss before sneaking off to the washroom for a glass of water. When you re-emerged from the bathroom with a half-drunk glass of water, Rafael was on his back with a hand wrapped lazily around himself, his cock jumping when he caught sight of your flushed face and the growing bruise on your neck. You crawled atop your boyfriend, letting the wetness of your release drag teasingly over the length of his cock. Rafael’s hair was tousled, strands hanging enticingly in front of his eyes as he gazed hungrily at your body. He looked delectable, sweat edging along the edges of his brow and his cock glistening when it peaked above his fingers. He looked at you like a parched man drinking in the sight of an oasis, like you were anything and everything he needed at that moment. You wanted to see just how far he would go to have you.

Testing your luck, you edged your fingers along the edges of Rafael’s arms, guiding them above his head. His eyes were curious as he followed your lead, raising his muscled arms above his head for you to wrap a hand around his wrists. The muscles in his shoulders flexed as he readjusted himself as he raised a teasing eyebrow at you “Want to have me at your mercy, hermosa?”

What had started as a fleeting idea now struck a new wave of arousal over you as you gazed down at the powerful man underneath you, his eyes soft and filled with hot desire. God, he was everything you’d ever wanted presented beautifully between your legs, gazing at you like he wanted to devour you. An idea picked at the corner of your mind, sending a coy smile across your face as you draped your body over Rafael’s chest.

“Tell me.” Rafael looked at you with confusion now, readjusting his hands above his head. His tongue came out to wet his lips. He was usually the one making demands in bed, bending you to his will for both your pleasure. You felt it might be time to turn the tables.  “Keep your hands there, and tell me you want to fuck me, only me.”

Your words were shakier than you’d wanted them to be, revealing your anxieties about taking control in this way for the first time. However, Rafael quickly relaxed under your touch, a new degree of interest entering his gaze at this undiscovered side of you. He looked you in the eyes as he groaned what you had asked. “God, I want to fuck you, more than anything.” 

“I think you can do better than that.” You teased, licking a long stripe along the side of his neck up to his ear. The words felt foreign in your mouth, but you were encouraged by the twitch of his cock against you as he gasped lightly. He looked up at you with a playful glimmer in his eye, a little smirk playing on his lips.

“Are you asking me to beg?”

The words sent a blazing heat to your cunt, swallowing heavily at his words. Rafael’s eyes lit up in a similar way as when he was cross-examining someone in court, when they gave him the inch of leverage that he could stretch a mile. The proud look he got when he had someone exactly where he wanted them.

“Oh, you like that, don’t you cariño. Me, begging for your pussy like it’s the only thing I’ve ever needed in my life.” it was a statement more than a question, and fuck, the confidence he exuded even when he was under you like this had your head spinning with heady arousal. His words rumbled in your chest, urging another movement of your hips against his cock.

“Only if you want your cock inside me at any point tonight.” The words sounded hollow in your throat, undermined by the breathiness of your voice, you pressed against him again to quell off any embarrassment you felt. He grinned like he knew exactly what his words were doing to you, but let himself play the role you’d assigned him for now. If part of you wanted to try something, all of him wanted to comply, to fulfill your every desire.

“God, you look so beautiful like this. Please, please let me inside you. Let me get you off how I know you like hermosa. Please.” Even though you had a feeling he intentionally raised the whininess in his voice, the breathy tones still sent pangs of pleasure to your cunt. You gasped as the words left his mouth, pressing a desperate kiss to Rafael’s lips as you lined up his cock.

Your eyes slipped shut as you eased onto Rafael’s cock, the ridges of the head stroking the sweetest places inside of you that caused stuttered moans to fall from your lips. You ran the flat of your palm up Rafael’s chest, cupping the side of his cheek as you drove his cock into you. Rafael cursed as you seated yourself on his lap, your head thrown back in ecstasy at being filled, at being fucked. His hands shook above his head with the desire to touch you. He keened as you shifted his full length inside you, circling your hips to adjust to him.

You looked down at him between your thighs, flushed high on his cheeks with nothing capturing his attention but your body moving above him on his cock. Each swivel of your hips pushed his cock firmly into that spot that made you see stars and pushed deep, moaning praises from his throat. You reveled in the fact that no one else could see him like this, could make him moan and beg under them like this.

“God, everyone wants you like this and it’s just me that can have you. Just me that makes you feel this good, right baby? They all wish they could have your cock stretching them like this.” You babbled as your thoughts were overwhelmed with pleasure. You knew you sounded half mad, but you were too far gone to notice, relishing in the pleasure deep in your cunt.

“Fuck!” Rafael, moaned your name, finally moving his hands from above his head to bruisingly grab your hips. He raised his knees behind your back to gain leverage to roll his hips into you deep and steady, moans stuttering from your throat with every thrust that sent his cock deep inside you.

“So sexy, keep making those pretty noises for me, please.” Rafael’s words were near ravenous and you were glad you weren’t the only one overwhelmed with pleasure, desperately voicing every dirty thought that came to your mind when you looked at the man in front of you. Rafae’s grip along the curve of your waist allowed him to get the leverage to pull you down hard onto his cock 

“Aah, fuck, please, Rafael, I-I’m gonna—d-don’t stop.” You didn’t know if you meant him pulling you down hard onto his cock or the filthy words that sent heat reeling through your body.

“God,” one of Rafael’s hands slid up to grasp your breast tightly, your nipple brushing the calloused skin of his fingers and had fire licking up your spine. His eyes were wild as he drank in the sight of you crying out on his cock, your fingers reaching to circle your clit as he pulled you against him. His tone was pinched and loud, ragged with his heavy breathing.“I want you to come, on my cock, right now. Please, cariño, give it to me.”

“Raf, God, you’re making me-fuck, yes” You felt tears brim the edge of your eyes as your pleasure climbed to something primal, each rub of your clit, every brush of Rafael’s hands against you setting you aflame until you felt yourself collapsing around him with a cry of his name. He slowed, but never stopped, his movements as he rocked you against him through your orgasm, soothing the shivers of your body with his warm hands. You panted as he came down from your second high of the night, your legs shook with the effort to remain upright. 

“God, you’re killing me. Please, let me come inside you, fill you, I need-” you cracked your eyes to capture Rafael’s expression, lips parted around a moan when you moved your hands to grip at his hair. Hardly trusting your words, you nodded in your agreement with a whispered plea to ‘do it, please, come for me’. Rafael’s body went taut for a heartbeat, driving himself hard into a last few times as he came. His eyes clenched shut, his hands gripping your hips as he mumbled out praise.

Catching your breath, you rolled off of the bed to grab a towel, taking a moment to wipe yourself off before jumping back onto the moderately clean sheets, taking a moment to admire your boyfriend in his post-sex haze. This could be one of your favorite versions of Rafael, limbless and content, pressing his lips to the crown of your head as you regained your breath together. You pressed a kiss to his chest as you wrapped your arm around him, whatever insecurities you had been feeling before was long extinguished by the solidness of Rafael underneath you, his ragged breathing and the ache between your legs as proof of your mutual want.

You lay in silence for a few moments, his fingers carding through your hair before he spoke. He pulled his head back to look you in the eyes, stroking a soft hand across the back of your head. “Will you promise me that, next time you are feeling the way you did at the bar, you’ll let me know instead of storming off. That way, we can talk it through and maybe have a repeat of this, instead of you feeling awful because your mind likes to tell you lies.”

You gave a chuckle, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth with your smiling lips. “Sounds like we’ve reached a deal, Counselor.”

He let out a rueful groan, pulling you tighter into his chest as you giggled. “Call me that again and I’ll be rescinding my offer.”

“Understood…Counselor.” you whispered, avoiding his playfully stern gaze by heading to the kitchen to get that wine he had promised you.

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Congrats on 100 followers 🥳 Could i please request Rafael Barba with enemies to lovers/smut? Maybe reader is a detective and they’re constantly butting heads over cases and they’re forced to work together on his office on a case to sort it out and things progress from there 😏

Anon! Thank you so much for this task! It was so nice to write someone thing for Barba again 🫶 I’m so sorry that it took me awhile to get this to you! I started one but didn’t like how it was coming out so I started over and came up with this. It’s a little different than you asked for it’s more lovers-enemies-lovers with smut and a healthy does of everyone’s favorite bestie Carisi! I really hope your enjoying it. If not I can try to write something else for you!

Warning: MDNI 18+ NSFW

Fighting, mentions of alcohol. Undefined age gap. Mentions of therapy. Reconnecting. Strong language. Unprotected P in v. Pet names

You were getting ready to go out, so excited to see your old friends. One of your best friends bands was touring and they were playing in the city tonight. You hadn’t seen any of them since the last time they came through and they called to ask if you’d come out and run their merch table for the night. Rafael wasn’t super happy about you going. With the types of cases he dealt with every day he always worried about you when you went out without him. You didn’t go out often like this unless you had friends coming through to visit.

“What’s the plan again?” he said for piece of mind.

“I’m walking to the venue now while it’s light out to meet up with everyone for a pre show dinner. Then Carisi is going to pick me up after since it’s right near the station and bring me home. If he doesn’t the band will bring me home or I’ll just walk to the station”

“You know I can come pick you up?”

“I know, I asked Carisi because I know you’ve been working so late and are stressed with work, so I’m just trying to let you rest”

“I’m not going to get any rest worrying about you”

“Rafa, I’m going to be fine. This isn’t my first time on earth” you giggled

“I’ve gotta get going to dinner, I love you!” You said as you stopped to give him a big hug and a kiss.

—————-time lapse————

The show had just started and you were all set up at the merch table.

9:30 Carisi: Hey, it’s been a quiet night so I’m out now. You want some company or I can come back later for you.

9:31 (Y/N): yea! Come check out the show, I think you’ll like it. You can help me sell merch!

9:32 (Y/N): I put your name on the guest list. So just give the door guy your name and they’ll let you in.

About 15 minutes later Sonny shows up, a couple drinks in hand. “This is awesome! Are these your friends?” He said excitedly. “I got you a drink if you’d like one”

“Sure, Thank you! My friends are up next”

You didn’t drink much but you, Rafael and Sonny went out for drinks sometimes so he knew what you drank.

Your friends band takes the stage and you guys are having a blast. After they played Carisi bought a round of drinks for the band and the two of you. You were so excited to see him having such a good time and you were excited to have people from both of your worlds together.

You guys were all hanging out around the merch table with the band and this guy comes up and starts talking to you.

“Are you here with anyone? Can I buy you a drink?”

With out thinking you reach for Carisi’s hand, who’s standing behind you. When you do he turns around and puts his arm around you while your still holding his other hand.

“Sorry I’m here with my boyfriend” you said

Carisi pips up with a “beat it pal she’s taken.”

The guy apologizes and walks away. Your thanking Carisi for going along with it when your hear someone yell “what the fuck is going on here” You turn around to see Rafael. “Why is your arm around her?!” He yelled.

“Rafael it’s not what you think, please don’t yell.” You said. You could feel your face turning beat red. Everyone was staring at what was going on.

“Well it certainly looks like you two have something going on behind my back”

“W-what? Rafa do you hear….”

“Get your stuff we’re leaving” he said cutting you off.

The car ride home was silent, neither of you said a word. You just sat there looking out the window not even looking at him. He barely put the car in park before you got out and headed inside to the elevator. He caught up to you while you were waiting for the elevator.

“So your not just not going to say anything?”

“I’m not doing this right now. I’m not going to get into a screaming match with you in the common areas of our building. It’s late, I’m not going to ruin anyone else’s night with this.”

Once inside our apartment he started in again. “So how long have you and Sonny had this thing going on?”

“There’s nothing going on with Sonny”

“Your really going to stand here and tell me that holding hands all cozy with my best friend is nothing?”

“It’s late and I’ve been drinking. I don’t really want to get into a screaming match with you over nothing right now. This guy was bothering me so I told him Sonny was my boyfriend. That’s literally all it is.”

“You expect me to believe that” he sneered

“Jesus Christ Rafa! I’m not fucking Sonny and Sonny is not fucking me! I was just trying to keep myself safe from someone who was bothering me, if you refuse to stop and think about things rationally and listen to me then that’s not my fucking problem.”

“If that’s true, then why the fuck was he there already? I though he was just giving you a ride home” he shouted with so much anger in his voice. The tone of his voice made your eyes well up with tears.

“He texted me part way threw and said it was a slow night, he was out early so he came to the show.

He just stared at you, like he didn’t believe you.

“I don’t know what you want me to fucking say Rafael if you don’t believe me ask Liv. We all know you love talking to her anyways.” You regretted it as soon as it left your lips. You didn’t mean for it to come out that way.

“Don’t ever fucking say that again he shouted before smashing the glass of scotch he had in his hand against the wall.

Compete shock rushed over your face. He had never done anything like that before.

He looked over at you to see you start trembling. You could feel your chest start to feel tight as a rush of dizziness followed right behind it. You knew you were having a panic attack.

“C-Cariño are you ok? I…I don’t know what came over me” his voice cracked.

You couldn’t get any words out, you just sat there trembling with you head in your hands trying to breath normal.

“Are you having a panic attack, let me help you Cariño”

Your head sprang up fast when you heard his foot steps getting closer to you.

“Don’t fucking come near me Rafa” you said putting your hand out to stop him.

He stopped dead in his tracks his eyes filled with tears and regret.

“I need to lay down, this is all to much for me right now, I need to relax so I can get this panic attack to subside.”

“Let’s go to bed” he said reaching out his hand for you.

“I…I’m more comfortable staying out here”

You curled up on the couch and stayed there until he finally shut off the lights and went to bed. You knew he would never be physical with you but the whole situation really shook you up. His wanting to protect you from the world was turning into jealously and it was escalating.

1:10am (Y/n): I’m really sorry about the situation tonight. I didn’t want any of that to happen. I was just trying to be safe.

1:11am Carisi: I’m very sorry too. I’ve never seen him like that before. Are you ok?

1:12 (Y/N): I’m really shook up, we got into a really bad argument once we got home. I really don’t think I can stay here right now. Do you think your brother in law would let you borrow his truck?

1:13 (Y/N): I don’t know where I’m going to go but Rafa and I need sometime apart.

1:15 Carisi: Stay here, you’ll have our own space and all the time you need to figure things out. I insist, I want you to be safe and feel safe. Can I ask did something happen? Did he hurt you? I’ll come there now.

1:15 (Y/N) I can’t do that to you, he already doesn’t believe that nothing was going on he might never speak to you again if I move in there. I don’t want to do that to you. No he didn’t hurt me.

1:16 Carisi: I’m not just his friend. Your my best friend as well. Your like my little sister and to me this is part of the promise I made him a long time ago that if he wasn’t around for any reason I’d do everything in my power to keep you safe.

As you wake up to a knocking on the door, you realize you must of finally let your body fall sleep. As you walk towards the door you hoped it wasn’t one of the neighbors that heard the fight last night. You didn’t even notice what time it was. You were still wearing last night clothes. You must of fallen a sleep in them. You catch your reflection in the mirror in the hallway. Your eyes were puffy and red from crying. You don’t bother checking the peep hole to see who it was. You open the door slowly to see Carisi standing there. “Shit shit shit is it already that time” you though to yourself. You hadn’t gotten any of your stuff ready. Looking down at your feet “I’m really sorry I have nothing ready yet, I woke up to you knocking on the door. I must of finally fallen asleep and not woken up when Rafael was getting ready for work.”

“It ok, I brought some boxes for you, I thought you might need some I don’t mind helping you”

You go into the bedroom and start packing up your clothes and personal items out of the bathroom while Carisi packed up your stuff from the rest of the house. Most stuff was Rafael’s or your stuff together so you didn’t have a ton of just your own stuff. The two of you finished packing and got the truck loaded up. “Go ahead down and I’ll be down in a minute, I want to leave a note for Rafa.”

Rafael,

I think it’s best for us to take a break and for me to not live here right now. I’m truly sorry for what was said on my part to upset you. You are my world but I need to figure out what’s best for me.

♥️ Cariño

The car ride to Carisi’s place was quiet. You were just so mentally and physically exhausted, your heart hurt and you really just didn’t know what to say.

You guys got everything all moved into the your new room, it would just take time to get settled. Carisi had gone out before he picked you up and bought you a bed so that would have one.

You were eating dinner in your room with the door shut. Not because you didn’t want to eat with Sonny but because you were trying to decompress from the last couple of days and just zone out without having to talk. You also didn’t want Sonny to see that you weren’t very hungry because you didn’t want him to worry.

You start To doze off when you hear Rafael’s voice talking to Sonny.

“Do you know where (Y/N) is? She moved her stuff out but I don’t know where she went.”

“She…she is here, but I’m not really sure if she wants to talk to you right now”

“What do you mean?”

“I should of known she was here, where is she? Is she in your bedroom?”

You here foot steps start to move around.

You open your door and step into the doorway.

“It’s ok Sonny I’ll talk to him….as you can see I’m here in my own room. Not in Sonny’s room because once again we’re not together.” You say with complete exhaustion in your voice.

Sonny goes into is room shutting the door to give you privacy but knowing he would come right out if things got heated.

“I got the note you left” he said talking it out of the pocket of his dress pants.

“If your not messing around with Carisi then why did you move in here?”

“Because I needed somewhere safe to live while I figure out what to do.”

Cutting him off as he started to speak.

“And before you start. I’m not saying it’s not safe at home. I’m saying we need some time apart to work on ourselves before we think about getting back together.”

“I-I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why you needed to move out and move in here if nothings going on. We can work things out.”

“If you don’t understand why you smashing a glass against the wall in our kitchen wouldn’t absolutely terrify for me, then I just don’t know what else to say to you. I shouldn’t of made the comment I did about Olivia. I admit that and I’m sorry that I said it, I regretted it the second that I did. But the anger in you voice and in your eyes that night when you threw that glass was scary. I’ve never seen that in you before. You got so heated about a situation you wouldn’t even let me explain to you. So I felt it was best to leave for a while. I love you so much Rafa, but the way our relationship has been functioning for a while now isn’t healthy for either one of us. We both need to work on ourselves if this is going to work. You need to work on not treating everyone in your life like there a victim from one of your cases. You need to trust people more and not work yourself to death constantly. That night I did something I’ve been doing since I first started going out to concerts with my friends, which was tell any guy that was being creepy or making me nervous that I was dating which ever guy friend I was there with so that they would back off or leave me alone. It’s simply something I’ve done to keep myself safe over the years.” By this point tears are streaming down your face. Sonny must hear you crying because he comes out of his room.

“It’s ok (Y/N) go into your room I’ll check on you when he leaves” he says softly before turning to Rafael.

“Think you should go Barba, the last few days have been a lot for the both of you.”

“I-I fucked up so bad Carisi”

“If she needs time and space then give her time and space. It’s apparent to anyone who sees you guys that you two are madly in love. You just need some time apart to work on yourselves and if meant to be, you guys will find yourselves back to each other. Until then I will keep my promise to you and keep her safe anyway I can and make sure she has what she needs.”

t felt good to be back home in Manhattan, you had been back and getting settled in for a week. You had been in (state or country) helping Casey after the birth of her baby and loss of her husband for the last nine months. But you came back when her mom was able to move out there with her. It’s was a nice cool fall day, your birthday was in a couple of days so you decided to go to your favorite coffee shop, grab a drink and wonder around. When you walked in your favorite baristas we’re excited to see you. “(Y/N) your back! Would you like your usual?!” One shouted. You pay and move to the pick up counter to wait for your order.

“Here’s your order (Y/N)” “Thank you, I can’t believe you guys remember my order” you say smiling from ear to ear.

As your putting your straw in your drink you hear a voice from behind you.

“Cariño is that you?”

You don’t even have to turn around to know who it is.

“Rafa!” You exclaim as you turn around with a smile, and without thinking you put arms open to give a hug.

He squeezes you tighter than he ever had before. The biggest smile across his face.

“I’m surprised to see you here” you say.

He blushes a little “ well I started coming here after you left to work on cases…it reminded me of you. I-I didn’t know you were back”

“ I’ve only been back for a week” you reply.

“Would you want to take our coffees and go for a walk around Central Park? I hear the trees are beautiful right now.” He asks nervously rubbing the back of his neck, something he always did when he was nervous.

You grab your stuff turn back around and reply “I would love that” unable to control your smile.

You underestimated how happy you would be to see him, to hear his voice.

“Ok, I’ll grab my stuff and we can go!”the smile never leaving his face.

“Shall we” he says holding his out hand to motion leaving.

“We shall”

He held the door open for you as you guys made your way to the park.

You two wonder around the park chatting. You start fawning over the colors of all the leaves.

He lets out a chuckle with a warm smile.

“What?” You reply chuckling yourself.

“You’re so cute when you get excited about something that you love. It always makes me happy seeing you so happy and filled with excitement about something.”

You blush not really sure what to say. You manage to softly say “Thank you” as you try to stop from completely turning red.

“I always loved our fall trips upstate to go to all the farm stands around your birthday, so we could get all the fall treats”

Him saying fall treats remind you that you have a apple hand pie still from the coffee shop in you purse.

“Well speaking of fall treats” you say pulling the hand pie out of your purse. You both bust out laughing about it.

“Want half?” You say as you break it is half.

“Your so damn funny” he says as he takes the half.

“What can I say I like to make people laugh.” You say teasing.

“Want to go sit by the water and watch the ducks?” You suggest

“Sure, I’d love too” he reply’s

You two find a bench to sit at away from everyone else.

“We’re you back home staying with family when you were away?”

“Oh Sonny didn’t tell you? I thought for sure he was telling everyone”

“No I didn’t ask him anything other than how you were, I didn’t want him to feel any pressure”

“No I was in (state or country) staying with Casey”

“I was out there helping her out with her new baby”

“Did her husband recover from his accident?”

“I can’t believe you remembered about his accident”

“No…no he didn’t….he passed a couple weeks after I-I…after I moved out” you said looking down at ground. It made you sad thinking about both events. Not wanting to be reminded of either. Tears started to slowly fall from your cheeks. You try to turn away so that he doesn’t see you, but he does. He reached his hand over gently whipping the tears from your face. You lean into his hand a little, you missed everything about him. He slides closer to you on the bench putting his hand on your thigh, hoping you meant to lean into his hand. You leaned your head down onto his shoulder. You both let out a comforting sigh at the same time. You lift

you head up to look at him.

“Cariño I am so sorry for everything that happened. I regret the the moment I ever started treating you like that. But most of all I regret the night I smashed that glass and scared you. I’ve thought about that moment and the look in your eyes since the day you left. I fucked up, I know I did, I’ll never forgive myself for that. But I’ve been working on myself to change for the better. After the way we left things with our final conversation, it made me realize how jaded work and all the cases were making me. I realized I truly was treating everyone in my life like victims in my cases. I was running myself ragged, not taking care of myself properly which made me on edge and angry all the time. I’ve started going to therapy every other week, a couple days a week I don’t work as late and if I am going to work late I’ve been trying to bring it home with me more or go the coffee shop instead of just going to the bar and doing it. Which in turn has made me cut back on drinking. I’ve missed you terribly (Y/n)”

“Oh Rafa I’ve missed you terribly too” you say reaching up to cup his face in your hand, caressing his cheek with your thumb.

“I’ve been really hard to work on myself too. I also started going therapy while I was out there. I found a therapist from here that would do virtual session so that when I came back I could still go. I’ve been focusing on trying not to hold things in until I snap and everything comes out wrong. It’s a work in progress but I’m trying hard. Some of the things I’ve said to you or the way I acted wasn’t fair and for that I’ll always feel guilty for.”

He puts his arm around you and pulls you close to him squeezing you tightly.

He puts his head in the crook of your neck, you could feel his warm breath lightly on your neck. You two stay like that for a few minutes melting into each others arms.

Your phone rings and you step aside to answer it. He hears you say, “I’ll be home for dinner, why are you being so weird” before saying bye see you soon as you hang up.

You walk back over to the bench and sit down.

“Your boyfriend?” He asks nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

You turn to him quickly while scrunching your face up at him.

“No you loser, it was just Carisi.” You say teasing. Followed by “I haven’t been seeing anyone” in a softer tone.”

The look of relief washed over his face.

“Me either” he said softly.

“Did you get invited to dinner at Sonny’s tonight by chance?”

“I did…” a puzzled look on his face.

“He’s up to something he’s been weird all week since I got back…I think he’s planning something for my birthday”

“ Yea I was under the impression that we were video chatting with you for you birthday”

“Who’s we?” You ask inquisitively.

He shrugs knowing he probably said to much but he was also equally confused.

4:15 Carisi: When you get here will you come in and get her to wait a a few minutes and then have her come in? It throws the plan all off you guys seeing each other lol. Everyone else doesn’t know she will be here and she doesn’t know everyone will be here it’s a surprise for her but there’s also a surprise for everyone.

4:25 Barba: she knows somethings up but sure I’ll get her to do that. Sorry, weren’t expecting to run into each other. But I have to say it’s so nice to see her.

He stands up from the bench, and holds out his hand. “Shall we? I’ll walk with you” he says, not wanting to be apart from you. He wanted to hold on to the feeling of being in your company again for the first time all over again.

You look up at him with a smile, the sun lit his face up perfectly. “I’d love that.” You say as you take his hand and stand to meet him. He quickly laces his fingers with yours causing you two to hold hands. You didn’t even flinch, it just felt right. You guys just strolling through the city holding hands making your way back to Carisi’s apartment. It felt as though time stopped and you two were the only people on the planet.

“Ok so Carisi wants me to go in, have you wait 10 minutes and then you come in. Don’t ask me why.”

“Hahaha ok”

So he goes inside, you hang out in the lobby of the building for 10 minutes then head up to the apartment.

You unlock the door and slowly open it to a dark apartment. You turn around shut the door and take your shoes off. As you turn back around all the lights flick on and everyone jumps out and shouts “Happy Birthday (Y/N)!!” Even though you knew something was going on, your completely surprised by the party. “Amanda, Liv, Finn, Rafa I can’t believe your all here!” You say starting to cry from pure joy, it had been so long since you had seen your friends. “Dodds and some of the rookies took over for the night so we could all come, we wouldn’t miss it for the world, we’ve all missed you.” Liv said but everyone echoed the same sentiment. Your excitedly catching up with everyone when there’s a knock at the door.

“(Y/N) you should answer the door.” Carisi says a smirk on his face.

“I swear to god Sonny, if this is going to embarrass be in front of everyone I’m gonna kill you!”

You open the door cautiously, knowing it could be one of those famous Sonny pranks. You’re completely shocked when you open the door.

“Oh my god, Nick!” You shout In excitement.

You hear everyone behind you “What?! Amaro’s here?”

Carisi shouts “Surprise everyone!”

“I can’t believe your here!” you say before he gives you the biggest hug.

“Well Carisi said you could use some cheering up, so I thought it was about time I made a visit back to visit everyone” he said happy to see all his old friends again.

You were as close to Nick as you are with Sonny, after all he’s the reason you have all these amazing people in your life. He’s the reason you met Rafael and ended up with him. You met Nick through a friend you made when you first moved to New York, she was dating one of his friends at the time and the 4 of you guys would get together sometimes. You and him hit it off quick and became fast friends. Nicks wife was in the army and overseas for a couple years and you were new to the city and didn’t really have many other friends, so you guys would hang out often on his days off to offset each other’s loneliness. One night when your best friend from home was in town visiting you, you ran into Nick out with the squad celebrating the end to a case with a drink. That was the night I met Rafael for the first time.

After taking a trip down memory lane in your mind you snap back to reality. You motion everyone to come in for a big group hug, you start tearing up as everyone is hugging each other. Amanda noticing your crying. “(Y/N) is everything alright?

“I’m fine, all of you guys are all the most amazing friends a girl to ask for. I’m so lucky to have all of you guys in myself. This is truly the best birthday ever. “

Everyone gathered around the table for a incredible Italian feast. Sonny cooked all your favorite Italian dishes. You had a couple drinks and just sat there taking in how good it felt to be surrounded by your friends again. Dinner wrapped up and everyone had cake and sang happy birthday. Liv and Amanda said there goodbyes as they had to go in and take over for Dodds. Sonny, Finn, Rafael and Nick set up to play a few games of cards.

You hang out with the guys for a little while while they were playing poker.

You stretch and yawn. “Well enjoy your poker and beers boys, I’m gonna go lay down and watch tv”

“You really outdid yourself Sonny, thank you so much for making this happen.” You say as you thank everyone for coming and say your good nights.

You put on your comfy shorts and top and curling up in bed, putting on one of your favorite comfort shows. You’re dozing off when you hear a knock at your bedroom door, you tilt you head up and sleepily say “come in.”

You watch the door open and see that it’s Rafael.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” he says rubbing the back of his neck.

“No it’s ok, I was just comfortable” you say shyly.

You pull the blankets back a little.

“Rafa, Will you lay with me and watch a movie?”

His face lights up. “Id love too Cariño”

Fin, Nick and Sonny watch him go into your room and shut the door.

“Saying goodbye my ass, those two are defiantly getting back together” Fin jokes.

“Is it ok if I get more comfortable and just wear my undershirt and my suite pants?”

“Of course it it is” you say moving over in the bed to make room for.

He climbs in the bed, gets comfortable and then puts his arm around you rubbing your back with his hand.

You slide down laying on your side and nestle you head on his chest with your arm around his stomach.

You tilt your head “is this ok? I can move if it’s not” You ask with nervousness in your voice.

“No this is ok, I-I missed this” he says kissing your forehead and pulling you in tighter.

You hand the remote to him “you want to pick the movie?”

He puts on one of your favorite movies you two like to watch together.

In this moment your so relaxed, the feeling of him softly rubbing his hand up and down your back and the smell of his cologne put you at ease. You missed everything about him. You dozed off for a couple minutes but you were awoken by him playing with your hair. You tilted your head back to look at him, giving him a cute sleepy smile.

“Your getting tired Cariño, should I go?”

“No it’s ok, don’t go” you barely got the words out of your mouth before he leaned down and kissed you passionately. You sat up, putting your hand behind his head kissing him back. He licked your bottom lip for entrance, which you granted him. Your tongues dance together, your whole body burned. His touch sent shivers down your spine, making you instantly wetter than you’ve been. He moved to kissing down your neck and along your collar bone. You let out a breathy moan in his ear, as you do he pulls you on top of him. You sit up straddling him, you can feel his rock hard cock underneath you. As you take your top off he runs his hands all over your body, exploring every inch of it. He sits up too, kissing down your neck and the top of your breasts as he reaches around you to unhook your bra. He slids it off your shoulders and down your arms before throwing it on the floor. He kisses all over your breasts before making his way to you nipples, licking, bitting and sucking on them. Your body is on fire and your panties are completely soaked, you needed his body.

You step down off the bed onto the floor. You motion for him to stand too, getting down on your knees when he does. You undo his pants and pull them down, taking out his rock hard cock. You tease him at first running your tongue all around his tip. He lets out a deep breathy “fuck” as you take the the rest of him in your mouth, he runs his hands through your hair, leaving his hand on the back of your head. Your sucking gets stronger as as your motion gets quicker, occasionally pulling back to just the tip to tease him.

You stand up and turn your back to him, bending over in front of him. Pulling down your shorts and panties giving him a show.

“You’re so fucking sexy” he says in a deep voice as he comes up behind you spanking you hard and grabbing a hand full of your ass.

You stand up and when you do he wraps his arms around you from behind pulling you up against him, his hard cock pressed against your ass. He starts rubbing your clit, you throw your head back moaning as he starts kissing your neck at the same time. “Fuck me Rafa, I can’t take it any longer” you moan out already ready to climax, your body burning from head to toe. He bends you over the side of the bed. Running his hands down your back and spanking you hard when he gets to your ass. You moan out in a long breathy moan, enjoying every second of it.

“Spread your legs for me” he says in his deep voice as he’s rubbing your ass. He teases you, rubbing the tip of his cock against your clit, before sliding inside of you. He grabs your hips as he pulls in and out of you, pushing deeper with every thrust.

“Mmm Rafa, I’m so close” you moan out.

“cum for me baby” he reply’s as he spanks your ass. His thrusts get faster as he reaches around you and starts rubbing you’re clit as he’s thrusting fast.

You push your self up with your arms arching your back. You start to feel your self release as you start to climax.

“Fuck Rafa, don’t stop I’m so close.” You scream as you moan out. As your muscles tighten and you climax all over his cock.

He moans thrusting all the way in before he pulls out, cumming all over your ass. It was something he liked to do, but he also did it because he didn’t know where you two stood and he didn’t know if you would want him to cum inside you. You slowly stand up trying to catch youre breath. He hugs you from behind kissing your shoulder and whispering, “I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve really missed you too” you whisper back before you both climb back into bed.

“Come home, Cariño”

[nophunleague]

Rafael Barba Appears at the 16th Precinct Again

Rafael Barba x gn!reader

warnings: angst, grudge holding.

You all but crash into the conference room at the 16th, anxious to tell the squad that Mickey Davis had gotten some hot shot attorney, that you had heard courthouse gossip about it. The door swings open and you're met by Kat, Fin, Rollins, and Rafael.

His green eyes almost darken at the sight of you. He's not shocked that you're here, it's just the shock of not having seen you in years that strikes him. Taking in the crowd in the room you barely blink before spitting out at Rafael, "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, you just look like someone I used to know," before spinning on your heel and storming back out into the squad room. You don't even look up at Liv and the deputy chief as they pass you. Amanda follows after you after Rafael is pulled into Liv's office by the Captain and Deputy Chief Garland. You're sat at your desk, head up in a thousand yard stare.

"Well I think you definitely hurt his feelings, if that's what you were going for," you're broken from your gaze by her speech and you look up to her from your seated position.

"After what he put me through I think what I said was fairly tame."

"You might be right about that, but maybe think about what he's been through too. He nearly threw his entire career away and had to leave you in the process," she tries to reason with you but your eyes narrow as she keeps talking.

"He didn't have to leave me and he should have talked to me first. I showed up to work one day and he was gone. The man I loved left me without a single word. It felt like my life fell apart," you seethe. Amanda looks over your shoulder to see Rafael standing behind you.

"That's very mature of you," she says before walking away, he walks up behind you and gently lays a hand on your shoulder. But you hadn't notice him yet so as he makes contact with your body you jump to face him, hand on your holstered weapon.

"Woah," he throws his hands up, "its just me," you scoff but remove your hand from your hip.

"Just you? Just you?" You start to pace back and forth in front of him, searching for the words to tell him off. But deep down you're glad to see him, he looks healthy, the beard he's grown compliments him.

"We should talk."

"Oh you want to talk now? But you didn't want to talk four years ago when you left," you all but shriek, your voice sparking the attention of those in the precinct. "You pulled the plug on someone's baby, were charged with murder, acquitted, and then you left me. And you didn't talk to me about any of it. We were supposed to be together and you left me out of it," your voice continues to raise as you takes steps closer to him, ending up in his face. His eyes search yours trying to find the person who he had once loved, but all he find is someone who has undoubtedly been incredibly hurt by his actions. The tears are threatening to spill from you eyes but you stay strong. Your raised voice causes Liv to step outside of her office.

"Both of you, take it outside. Now," you glance between Rafael and Liv before turning on your heel and storming out with Rafael following close behind. You meet again in the elevator where this time you stay silent.

"I didn't know how to tell you I was leaving, so I just left," he says quietly. "It wasn't the right thing to do, you didn't deserve that, but I needed to leave here. I was suffocating," the both of you stare at the elevator doors, not daring to look at one another. You reach up and hit the elevator switch, stopping the elevator in its descent.

"No, I didn't deserve that," a tear escapes your left eye at last, but you don't wipe it away. "You threw me away like I meant nothing to you. I would have went with you if you had just talked to me."

"You meant everything to me. I just couldn't let you throw your NYPD career away to come with me on the campaign trail. You were just getting to the point of being on the precipice of making sergeant," his eyes are now glued to the side of you head while you keep looking at the doors. You take a second to think about what you're going to say before raising your voice and making direct eye contact.

"Yeah well I failed the sergeant's exam twice since you left so I'll only ever be a detective now," Rafael can feel the holes your eyes are burning in him, his breath kicks up and he's uncharacteristically speechless for a moment. You huff and flip the elevator switch again allowing it to continue its descent. The doors open on the ground level of the 16th and you start to take a step out when he speaks.

"The day I did what I did to Baby Drew I was meant to pick up a ring. An engagement ring," he hangs his head, not looking at you.

"Oh so one day you were thinking about getting married and then next you were throwing everything we had together away? I don't know why you came back, but I don't think there's any fixing this. Not right now anyway," you shake your head as a few more tears fall.

"Liv and Fin called me," he admits.

"Oh even better, you didn't even come back for me. Tell Liv that I'll be back in a little bit," you storm out of the precinct. Rafael runs a hand through his hair as a tear now escapes one of his eyes. He composes himself quickly then presses the floor number of the squad room to go back up.

"I really fucked that up," he says to himself.

[winchesterszvonecek]

Rafael Barba Masterlist

Full Masterlist

Sex in a pool/hot tub 18+

Uniform

How Rafael Would Punish You in Bed After You Testified for The Defense 18+

Original Character:

Prosecutorial Misconduct: Rafael Barba never intended to fall for Melanie Dodds, but now that he had... He was slowly beginning to uncover that there may be far more to the rough and tumble Detective than meets the eye ongoing

Like Rafael? Apply to his tag list so you don’t miss out on his works!

Like my work? Consider buying me a coffee!

[rqgnarok]

did someone say barba/price/reader love triangle?

Rafael isn’t proud of it– he makes slow work of gathering his things to watch you tap your knuckles on Price’s desk from the corner of his eye. Barba grits his teeth when said man makes a pleased sound at the sight of you, brows raised. “If you’re here to ask for a life sentence, forget about it,” Nolan says, though his voice and lopsided smirk are nothing but teasing. “They’re giving out parking tickets right now in the next room, maybe you’ll get some luck there from some poor sucker who just passed the bar.” “Funny, don’t quit your day job,” you quip back. Still, you’re nervous, Barba knows you enough to tell. You’re still tapping your knuckles against the wood, a gentle, senseless rhythm to keep you grounded. “I wanted to thank you, actually. I know the family already did, but still. It was a good thing to do. Brave as hell.” “Stupid, others might say,” Nolan finally looks at you and doesn’t see a hint of a joke in your features, softens. “It was the right thing to do.” “You could’ve said no. Most people would’ve,” a moment, then– “Most people did, actually. You were the first and only crazy enough to even consider it.” “You can go to the part where you thank me, now,” he says.�� Your lips stay tugged up into a smile, helpless against his charm. Barba wonders if he can get the guard standing outside to shoot him so he doesn’t have to witness this. “Thank you, Price. It means more than you know. You brought someone’s son home today.” “You gave me the chance,” he turns the tables on you, leaning into you and eyes gazing into yours, terribly honest and enchanting. Barba hears you exhale shakily and crumbles up the papers in his hands without meaning to. “I forget sometimes why I took this job. Thank you for reminding me.” “Alright, well,” you shift in your place, a little overwhelmed with his attention. “Still. If there’s anything I can do for you–” “Have dinner with me,” he interrupts. Rafael finally gazes up, directed by surprise alone. Neither of you notice– you’re speaking in low voices and no one else in the mostly vacated courtroom can hear you– and it’s then he realizes how badly he’s intruding. If Rafael were to speak up he thinks you’d struggle to even remember his name.  “What, now?” Nolan shrugs. “Yeah, now. You got anything else going on?” Barba had been planning on buying the first round at Forlini’s. “No,” you say, sounding far, far away. “No, nothing at all.” “I’m not kidnapping you here, am I?” he asks, suddenly hesitant. “If that’s not where this is going…” “It’s where I’d like it to go,” you admit, suddenly brave, mending Nolan’s heart and breaking Rafael’s all in one swoop.  “Okay, then,” he says, giddy, and he walks you out of the courthouse with a prep in his step Rafael abhors.  He hates it even more that Nolan’s a nice guy– a decent enough lawyer, he’d admitted to Liv earlier, half compliment half complaint. Price was already working for the defense but Barba hadn’t thought this was a field he’d compete in, too. He’s been struggling enough on his own for your affections, what will he be to you now that Nolan’s filling the space he’s always wanted to? Rafael knows this game well. He played it with Yelina and lost. He’s not sure he’d survive losing it again. 

[thatesqcrush]

I don't know how about you, but I'm having a date night with Rafael fucking Barba.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

I think the worst thing about writing is that I’m in dire need to write that slow burn Rafael Barba/Reader story, because apparently ya’ll are thirsty bitches for our sassy suspender wearing ADA and I’m willing to take one for the team.

I have a sort of plot, a vibe, and borderline personality disorder- enjoy the angst this is gonna bring.

Ya welcome.