#Rafael Barba angst

[therapycat21]

Sassy Man

Rafael Barba x OC!Valentina Teller

Series Description:

Valentina Teller is a sketch artist for the NYPD and assists the SVU with cases. Go through this journey with her as she meets the sassy and confident DA for the SVU Rafael Barba.

"Miss Teller could you please explain to the jury what it is you do?" Barba asks from where he stands in front of Val who is seated on the stand. Val takes a small deep breath "my job is to sit with the victims of any crime to help them get a clear image of their attacker for the police." Val explains, Barba nods "and your job is to walk them through what occurred so they can try to identify their attacker?" he asks, Val nods "yes, I guide them through an exercise that allows them to open their mind to their attack" Val explains "could you please explain in better detail on how this exercise works?" Before Val can answer  "objection, why does Miss Teller need to give a step by step on why this exercise supposedly works?" Buchanans loud voice says.

The judge spares him a glance before turning to Val "overruled, Miss Teller please explain the exercise" Val looks at barba, he nods giving her the go ahead to explain "I use an exercise by helping the victim go through the events that occured before their attack which allows their mind to reopen to the trauma that occured in which helps me get a better sketch of their attacker for the police" Val explains looking at Barba again to see the proud smile he gives her while nodding his head.

Buchanan stands up buttoning his blazer giving the young woman what seems to be a condescending smile "miss Teller is it?" Val nods "your job is to basically draw pictures of attackers all day long?" He says condescendingly. Before Val can answer "objection" Barba says from where he sits, giving buchanan a slight glare "I'll rephrase, Miss Teller your job is to speak to victims and try to get a sketch of the attacker correct?" He asks. 

Val nods "yes that is my job" she tells him "okay so whose to say that when you conduct these exercises the victim is just making up their imagination before the supposed attack happened to them" he asks. Barba jumps up and glares "objection!" .

Buchanan givers Val a smirk "withdrawn your honor" he walks and takes his seat again. "okay we will reconvene tomorrow at 9am sharp, dismissed" the judge slams the gavel before leaving the room. Val is met halfway by Barba as she walks away from the stand. "Did I do okay? you think?" she asks him, Barba smiles at her rubbing his hands down both of her arms briefly "you did really good Val" she nods before turning to face Liv as she walks up to the pair "so what happens now?" Val asks the both of them.

Liv sighs "for now, we all go home and rest until tomorrow" she says before smiling at patting Val on the arm "you did amazing up there, thank you for doing this" she tells her before leaving the courtroom. Val lets out a deep sigh before checking her phone,seeing the time "shoot, I gotta go, my babysitter is texting me, apparently she has to hurry and go to some party tonight" Val tells Barba, laughing at the end of her sentence. Barba laughs "lets go, I'll give you a ride home" He tells Val.

Val looks over to him confused "you can drive?" she asks, Barba shakes his head with a slight laugh "no, I have a car service" he tells her, gaining a belly laugh from the girl "oh my god, I am not surprised" she tells him before the pair both walk out of the courtroom into the car and go on their way to Val's apartment.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

The pair pull up to Val's apartment complex. Barba looks over at the woman next to him "wait you live in this complex?"he asks, Val nods "yeah why?"she asks confused "my mami lives her too" he tells her, Val nods "oh what's her name?" she asks curious. "Lucia Barba, she lives in apartment 3c" Val covers her mouth as she starts to giggle and shaking her head in disbelief "no way, your mom is Miss B?" she says, Barba starts to get confused "Miss B?" he questions, Val nods "yeah, she comes over to eat dinner with me and Amelia every thursday night" she tells him. "so that's why she says she's busy every thursday, because of you?" he question.

Val nods, still giggling slightly "yeah, to be fair Amelia loves having her over, I can't believe she is your mom" Val tells him smiling before she opens the car door. Barba does the same earning a confused look before he gestures to the building "I'm gonna stop in on mami and say hi,she already berates me weekly for not doing it" he laughs,Val nods and the pair enter the complex and using the stairs to the third floor.

As they hit the third floor, Val gathers her keys and starts to open the apartment door and peaking over at Barba to see him walking towards his moms. He knocks before turning around and waving Val goodnight. Val enters her apartment to see the babysitter jump from the couch in a hurry seeing the woman walk in the room. "So sorry, but I really gotta go" the college student tells Val, Val nods as she is taking out the money for her, handing it over "here you go, thank you for watching her, where is she?" she asks. The girl nods her head over to the room in the back "in her room, she's sleeping" she says before rushing out of the door without so much as a goodbye.

Val throws her belongings on her couch before walking silently towards the room door that is ajar, she pushes it open fully seeing Amelia cuddled on her bed with her favorite weighted dinosaur plushie. Val smiles at the young girl before reaching over and lightly touching her hair and bending down to kiss her forehead. Val walks back into the living room gathering her stuff and heading into her room to get ready for bed. Val is finally settled in bed after taking a nice shower and changing into comfy clothes before plopping under her covers with another romance book for the night before dosing off, only to wake up and face another day in court.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

Val is abruptly women up from her alarm, groaning after realizing its another day in court but also a little happy knowing she can see Rafael in court again. Val gets up and throws her slippers and comfy sweatshirt on before heading to Amelia's room to see her just waking up, she smiles heading over to the young girl and gently shaking her to awake her "hey lovebug, want some french toast?" she asks gently, the little girl smiles brightly from seeing her mom before nodding eagerly at the thought of the syrupy goodness. The pair walk hand in hand towards the kitchen. Val places Amelia in the high chair and starts making breakfast while also waiting for Miss B aka (Barba's mom) to come over and babysit Val as she works. As Val is plating the food, making an extra for Lucia, there is a knock at the door, Amelia's eyes jump toward her mom asking for permission, Val smiles before nodding her head, laughing as the younger girl races to the door flying it open and jumping into the older woman's arms.

"Ah Mi bebe, oh how are you my love?" Lucia asks, holding the girl tight to her body,hugging each other. Amelia is placed back onto the floor "it was okay, yesterday the babysitter was soooo boring! but I get to see mommy this morning and have french toast and hang with you today!" the little girl says enthusiastically as the older woman stands and smiles in adoration. The pair walk into the kitchen to  Val sipping on coffee and smiling at the pair. Val walks around the counter to greet and hug the older woman "Hi Lucia, thank you for doing this! it really means a lot." she tells the woman. Lucia shakes her head "you don't ever need to thank me for hanging out with my favorite person ever" she smiles at Val and Amelia.

Val smiles before turning towards Amelia "why don't you go pick out your clothes for the day,so I can talk to Ms.B? Okay?" Amelia nods, rushing of into her room leaving the woman at the kitchen counter, Val looks over at Lucia "so, I have some interesting new for you" Val smirks at the woman, Lucia looks at her in interest "oh yeah, what happened now?" she smirks back, Val shakes her head laughing slightly "I had the pleasure of meeting your son, the other day." Val says taking a sip of her coffee. Lucia stands there slightly shocked before coming to realization "I forgot he switched to SVU, I guess it was bound to happen." she shrugs, before they can conversate more Val's phone starts to chime, she sees a message from Liv about needing her asap at the precinct.

Val sighs, downing the rest of her coffee and putting her cup in the sink "well, duty calls Luc, Liv needs me asap apparently " she tells the older woman "go, you know I got this, but if you could, could make sure Rafael eats something other than drinking cups of coffee?" Lucia asks Val. Val laughs before nodding "absolutely, I'm gonna go say bye to Amelia then I'll be outta here okay?".

Val walks towards the back room to say her goodbyes to Amelia before grabbing her belongings and heading out to work for the day.

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

The Honeymoon Is Over

Alrighty! Chapter 10 of Dating App is here! Only reason it is done so quickly is cause it was mostly written. Also fair warning, I might not be posting as much in the coming months. I'm working more on my novel and starting a Masters in August. So, I might not have as much time for my fanfictions.

Also there are now too many chapters and I really can't be bothered to link all the chapters, but they're all linked on my Masterlist so head over there for the other chapters (Sorry guys). And as always feel free to let me know if there is a scene you would love to see with Chica and Rafael, or Chica and one of the other guys! Also let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list.

Also this is really where the timeline no longer exists. Cause obviously October Surprise happens in Season 15 and Carisi doesn't exist in season 15 but you know, this is fanfiction and I have the power....

Warnings: Sexual content, harassment (minor), Rafael being an ass, primal/prey (minor), pet names. I think I got everything but let me know.

Master List

Prompt List

Tag List: @pear-1206

2 Months Later

“Wait, wait,” you waved your hand. “Isn’t he a friend from when you were a kid?” Rafael nodded, the tense look on his face not leaving. “Oh, Rafi I am so sorry. This must be so hard for you.”

“Thank you,” he muttered still looking at the evidence Liv had given him. It looked like there was a lot of evidence against Alex Munoz, and it also looked like potentially he was using their other friend for his benefit.

“Is there anything I can do?” you asked twisting your fingers together. You had seen Rafael upset with a case before but it was nothing like this. He had been so…sad and angry since it started.

“No,” he muttered again not even looking up at you. You bit your lip, trying not to take it personally, this was a tough case for him and he was undoubtedly under a lot of pressure. But the illogical part of your brain didn’t understand that. You had dealt a little with your rejection sensitivity, but it was still difficult to handle when a person’s mood changed around you.

“I’ll make you some tea,” you whispered, taking one last look at his hunched shoulders before heading to the kitchen.

Reaching for the kettle you filled it up, wondering if maybe you should make him some coffee instead. He had been having a lot of late nights lately, becoming more and more direct, and even a little dismissive of you, so you settled on tea to at least try and coax him into sleeping at some point tonight. You wondered if maybe you should leave for the night after making his tea, you were clearly in the way and you didn’t want to bother him either. Maybe you could message Liv and Amanda, they might be able to help you to help him. They’d both known him for longer.

Rather robotically you went through the motions of making him his tea. Including making a little plate together with some biscuits you had baked together for him to snack on. Picking up the plate and the cup you slowly wondered back to his office, pausing at the doorway to try and gauge his mood. His shoulders where still hunched and tense, he was definitely clenching his jaw from the look of things. Quietly, then. And then you would leave.

You found a spot that was clear of paperwork and away from the risk of spilling on anything but in his line of sight. You resisted the urge to whisper to him, to wrap your arms around his shoulder and press a kiss to his temple. You weren’t sure how such actions would be taken at the moment. You had never really had to deal with Rafael when he got into a mood like this, you knew that this was something that would potentially come up in your relationship but you had just thought you might somehow know how to handle it. But now? Now that the moment was actually here you were not sure. Since this case had broken, Rafael had been different. Even with hard cases in the past he had never gotten like this, you still knew you could interrupt him and demand a cuddle or a kiss. But right now, right now you didn’t think that would be appreciated by him. Although you didn’t want to interrupt him, you also didn’t want to just leave without saying anything. In case that worried him.

“I’ll head home Rafi, please try and get some sleep,” you tried to force your voice to be controlled and normal but it didn’t quite come out that way. It was shaky and quiet.

“Sure,” Rafael nodded. He didn’t even look up. Breathing deeply, you just bit your lip and left. Stopping to pick up your bag and coat, casting one last look at his office doorway before leaving his apartment.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” you mumbled to yourself, biting at the skin around your thumb. “He’s just stressed with this case that shook up his world. It involves his childhood friend. Liv mentioned he could get like this. Brain this is not a rejection. It’s fine.”

After this case was over you thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to talk. You hadn’t really mentioned that you suffer from rejection sensitivity or that you were unsure how to handle certain moods. Which in hindsight, probably wasn’t ideal considering you were dating a lawyer. It just had never come up before because you knew going in that his hours were going to be insane and he might have to cancel dates, so it never caused your rejection sensitivity to flare up. It was the moods that did it. Being unsure how your presence would be taken.  

You really didn’t want to be alone right now but you also didn’t want to bother anyone, Lily was out of town, Courtney was doing a night shift and Shannon had had a long tiring day so she was already in bed, even though it wasn’t that late. You thought about maybe messaging Liv or Amanda but you figured they were probably just as busy and under pressure as Rafael was and you really didn’t want to bother them.

But almost as if their ears had burnt your phone rung, showing Liv’s contact.

“Hey, funny thing I was just thinking about messaging you,” you smiled into the phone, your tone a little less forced than it had been when you said goodbye to Rafael.

“Great minds think alike,” Liv chuckled. “I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink? This case is doing my head in and I could use some company that I haven’t been around all day.”

“Absolutely, I could honestly use a drink as well,” you agreed.

“Want me to come by Rafael’s to pick you up?”

“I just left Rafael’s actually, I’m walking to the subway, so I can meet you at our usual place?” you suggested.

“You left? Is everything okay?”

“I think I’d rather tell you in person, and you can tell me all about your day as well,” you informed her.

“Sounds good, if I get there first, I’ll order drinks,” Liv agreed easily.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll see you soon.”

You picked up the pace now that you had somewhere to be. You hoped it wouldn’t be awkward for Liv if you brought up Rafael’s mood and asked for help.

--

Liv was sitting in your usual spot by the time you got to your usual bar. She had two glasses of red wine and a bowl of chips sitting in-front of her. You beelined over to her, smiling in greeting as you took a seat, and a big mouthful of wine.

 “Hi, sorry, didn’t realise just how much I needed that,” you grinned a little sheepishly.

“Sounds like it, you finally meet grouchy Rafael?”

“Oh, I meet him in the three weeks where we couldn’t meet up when we first started dating,” you shook your head. “This Rafael is something else entirely. I don’t think he even heard me when I said I was leaving. He has barely looked at me the past few days, I feel a little like I am walking on eggshells around him which I didn’t get with grouchy Rafi, there I knew I could still pester him and it would be fine because he looked at me and I could see past the grouchiness.”

“He hasn’t gotten angry with you, has he?” Liv asked brows furrowed.

“No, but I sort wish he would so I would at least know if I was annoying him,” you shrugged. “Instead, he just mutters his answers and doesn’t really look at me, I don’t even know if he listens to me. I know that this case is different to every other case he has handled, since it involves his old friend but…I was prepared for the late nights and the missed dates but this…I wasn’t prepared for this and that’s…well…I’m not handling it.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Liv reached out grabbing your hand. “Have you tried to talk to him?”

“No…and I know that’s silly, we’ve been dating for six months now but, can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” Liv assured you.

“I have rejection sensitivity, and normally I’m pretty good at handling it,” you explained trying to get everything out in a rush, you never had to tell anyone this before besides your shrink. “Cause, I knew going into dating Rafael he worked long hours, so he might have to reschedule dates or be late to them, so I can handle that. I just wasn’t prepared for the kind of mood he is in where I’m unsure if I can be around him, or if I can say something. I just…logically I know that it’s fine but the thing is my logical brain isn’t what is in charge right now.”

“He doesn’t know?” she asked, sipping her wine.

“No, it’s never come up,” you shrugged. “I guess the “honey moon” phase of our relationship is about to come to an end.” You tried to joke.

“Do you want my advice?” Liv asked.

“Sure, and then we can talk about your day,” you offered, smiling over your wine glass. “You’ve known him for a few years, I was tempted to ask you but I didn’t want to make things awkward.”

“You wouldn’t, you’re my friend as well,” Liv assured you, reaching out to take a chip. “Alright the thing with Rafi is, he doesn’t always realise that he is being a bit of a dick. Even if this case is difficult for him, he shouldn’t be acting like you aren’t there. My suggestion is to tell him, and don’t back down when he gets defensive. He’s stubborn but he also cares deeply for you.”

“How defensive will he get? I’m not really good at conflict with people I care about,” you admitted.

“Pretty defensive,” Liv said honestly. “He can definitely be an ass I won’t lie about that; we have had plenty of fights since we met, but look just be honest and most importantly, don’t let him be an ass. Call him out on it and stand your ground, he’ll eventually realise you are right and apologise. That is the good thing about him, he doesn’t ignore the facts and doesn’t pretend that everything is fine after he acts like an ass.”

“Okay I can totally do that,” you nodded, sipping on your wine before munching on a chip. “I could just pretend he’s an obnoxious person in the library.”

“That could definitely work, Lily mentioned that you can be quite scary when you turn on your librarian voice,” Liv laughed a little.

“Alright, that’s my little bit for the night,” you sighed, propping your chin on your fist. “How’s your day?”

“Shitty, Nick and Rafael got into a bit of tiff over this, and the fact that Rafael told Alex that we were investigating him and had evidence isn’t great which also incensed Nick,” Liv groaned. “And there’s something going on with Amanda and Carisi, which is making it awkward in the office, and giving Nick something else to have an issue with.”

“You know your squad has enough drama to be a tv show,” you pondered. “I bet Finn is somehow enjoying this, isn’t he?”

“You’ve known him two months and you already know him so well,” Liv nodded. “And I could definitely do without the drama, but I do love all of them. Even when they’re being ridiculous.”

“I see why you needed to be away from them,” you finished the wine in your glass. “Want another one?”

“Yes, and another bowl of chips I think,” Liv nodded. “Thank you!”

You grinned getting up to go and order, your night started out terrible but it looked like it would end better. You smiled at the bartender when he placed the two glasses of wine in-front of you, telling you that the chips would be over to your table in a moment.

“I’ll pay for those,” a voice interrupted you before you could hand over your card. You turned to your left seeing a tall man in a suit smiling at you.

“No thanks,” you handed your card over, before moving the glasses a little closer to you.

“Oh, come on, a pretty lady like you shouldn’t have to pay for drinks,” he insisted moving closer to you.

“This pretty lady is happy to pay for her own drinks,” you assured him, trying to keep your tone even, wishing the bartender would hurry up. Conflict with strangers was something you could handle but you’d rather not cause a scene.

“No need to be so aggressive,” and there goes the tone change. “I was just trying be nice.”

You bit your tongue deciding to ignore him, smiling gratefully at the bartender when he came back with your card. You tucked into your pocket and picked up the glasses of wine, high tailing it back to Liv and away from the stranger at the bar. You had just managed to make it there and sat the glasses on the table when you noticed Liv’s face had grown tense.

“Liv?” you asked.

“Can we help you?” okay you had never heard that tone of voice from her before. It was fierce.

“Yeah, you can explain why your friend is such a bitch,” you spun around to see the guy from the bar standing right behind you. The look on his face had your instincts screaming for you to get away from him or fight him.

“Excuse me?” you demanded, the fight him instincts winning out.

“I was trying to be nice and pay for your drinks, and you were aggressive,” the guy seemed to be building up for a rant.

“You need to leave, now,” Liv demanded standing up, pushing her blazer to the side so her badge was visible. “And how about you don’t act like this towards women when they turn down your offer to pay for drinks.”

The man looked at Liv, eyeing her a little as if deciding this was worth potentially getting arrested. He glared at her and you before storming off.

“Okay, not gonna lie, that was kinda hot,” you gushed as she turned back to you. “I felt so safe just then. Like you were my knight with a shining badge.”

“Thanks,” she said lips quirking up a little in a smirk as she took her seat again. “I’ll gladly be your knight with a shining badge anytime. Although, you could also tell Rafael about this, watch him get all heated and go into lawyer mode, because that is also very hot.”

“I have wanted to see him in court but he doesn’t want me getting anywhere near the cases you guys have to deal with,” you shrugged.

“I can’t say I disagree with him, they do get quite bad,” Liv agreed. “But there are moments where I think you could watch; I’ll bring you sometime.”

“He’ll hate that,”

“Yeah, but I figure he probably deserves it,”

You giggled a little, so glad to have a friend like Liv. You raised your wine glass wiggling your eyebrows at her.

“To amazing friends,” you cheered.

“And to annoying their boyfriends!”

You cheered as you clinked your glasses together, Liv laughing more than she had all day.

--

You breathed deeply raising your hand to knock at Rafael’s door. Doing this after having three glasses of wine in a small amount of time was probably not a good idea but Liv encouraged you, saying that maybe having some liquid courage would help. And you couldn’t argue with that.

“What?” Rafael opened the door, glare firmly in place before it got replaced with a look of shock. “Chica?”

“Hey, um, can I come in?” you asked rocking a little on your feet.

“Sure, I didn’t know you had left,” he muttered looking a little guilty which was a nice change from the angry look on his face from earlier. Though it did hurt a bit to know that he truly didn’t listen to you or even notice that you weren’t in his apartment.

“Yeah, I kinda thought that,” you told him. “And is actually what I wanted to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? I-”

“No,” You interrupted him a little aggressively. “Because this is important, and it is about us. So, I hope you think it is important enough to take time out of work to talk about it.”

He looked stunned by your tone and the words you used, his mouth opening a little before it clamped shut, his face closing off and going blank. That face that you had gotten a little to use to seeing in the past few days, and you hated it. It made your blood boil now to see it when you asked to speak with him. Alright, from what Liv had said you guessed he was going to be defensive from the start but you would stand your ground.

“Of course, we are important,” he started. “But right now this case-”

“Is not more important than the fact that you have ignored me for the past three days,” you stated. “You have barely looked at me, you haven’t listened to me, which is evident since I told you I was leaving after I left the cup of tea and biscuits on your desk hours ago, and you said “sure”.”

“I-”

“I’m not done,” you interrupted him again holding your hand up. You had practiced what you wanted to say in the car ride over here, Liv listening as you stumbled over your words before you got firm in what you wanted to say. Though watching as the blank look on his face turned a little angry didn’t help but that wine was enough to override your issue with conflict. “You have been an ass, we’re partners, and I am here, and I want to help you but you have closed yourself off, which if that is what you need to do then fine but you can’t completely shut me out of your life. You can’t ignore me for days. You need to communicate what you need and how you are feeling.” You were about to add more but it seemed Rafael had had enough.

“I’ve been an ass really?” he scoffed. “Well, excuse me for needing to focus on this case. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this is personal. My childhood friend is being investigated. I can’t cater to your every whim.”

 “Cater? I don’t need you to-” this time you cut yourself off. Alright you would not turn this into a full-blown argument, you needed to get this back on track. “I understand that this case is important and personal on a level that no other case has been, I am not trying to argue that and I am not trying to diminish how you feel about it, but the fact is you haven’t spoken to me about it, you haven’t told me how it affects you, and your current mood makes me feel like I can’t be here, that if I were to so much as touch you or talk to you, you would get angry with me. Which is not something that has ever happened before.”

“I’ve spoken to you,” Rafael crossed his arms.

“No, you haven’t,” you shook your head. “Even with past difficult cases I have not felt like I was walking on eggshells. You have been an ass.” Liv said to not back down on the fact that he is an ass, so you planned to end nearly every sentence with the fact.

“Well, that’s not my fault,” Rafael insisted.

“Are you kidding me?” you shouted, finely losing it. “Did you listen to anything I just said?!”

“Yes, I was listening,” he snarked, arms uncrossing. If you hadn’t gotten worked up you might have noticed that his eyes were softening even if his voice wasn’t.

“God you are such an ass!” you cried voice breaking a little as your eyes started to fill with tears, this was one of the reasons you hated conflict with those you cared about. It resulted in tears; you were an angry crier. “I literally said you had been ignoring me and hadn’t looked at me properly in three fucking days! How is that not your fault?!”

“I really haven’t spoken to you in three days?” he asked, guilt starting to break through at the sound of your voice breaking.

“No, not really,” you whispered. “You muttered mostly one-word answers at me and sometimes you just grunted at me.”

“Or looked at you?”

“At first you did, but then you just looked at me for a second before looking back at the case notes and eventually never at all,”

“Shit, I’m an ass,” Rafael rubbed his face.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to tell you that,” you chuckled wetly.

“I am definitely an ass, whatever I have going on with work is not an excuse for treating you so horribly,” he stated walking towards you but stopped just before he got within your space, opening his arms. “I am so sorry Carino. I can’t say it won’t happen again but I will say that I will work on noticing it and stopping it and listening to you when you call me out on it.”

“Thank you,” you smiled wiping at the tears as you stepped into his open arms wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I promise to not let you get away with it for so long.”

“Good,” he whispered wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you close to him. “Thank you, for standing your ground.”

“Not gonna lie, it was tough, the wine I hold with Liv helped,” you confessed. “I don’t do well with conflict involving people I care about.”

“I do remember you mentioning something about that,” he nodded kissing your forehead.

“Since we are in a confessing all truth kinda conversation there is something else I need to tell you,” you said biting your lip. “I have rejection sensitivity.”

“Oh,” Rafael seemed a little unsure how to respond to that. “Sorry, what does that mean exactly?”

“For me it is more connected to people’s moods, sometimes if plans get cancelled last minute that can affect me but only if I am unaware it’s a possibility,” you explained. “With us, the plans aren’t too much of a big deal because I knew going into this relationship that it was a possibility so that’s fine. But if a person’s mood changes and I can’t pinpoint exactly why and if that mood is somewhat directed at me, I start to worry that I have done something, that the person is mad with me and all the bad scenarios start going through my head, like the person hates me.”

“Ah,” he nodded, kissing your forehead again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I should have told you sooner but I thought I had a better handle on it and I, I just find it difficult to talk about, cause a few people in the past haven’t taken it seriously,” you stroked the back of his neck.

“I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and that even if I get defensive you are probably in the right and you should stand your ground,” Rafael grinned cheekily at you, causing you to roll your eyes a little, before that grin turned into a frown of confusion. “Wait, you had wine with Liv tonight?”

“Hm oh yeah, she called me after I left here and we had some wine and talked about our days,” you nodded, before your lips twitched, being really tempted to bring up the guy from the bar and honestly your friends said that makeup sex was the best, so you wanted to see if you could bring out full lawyer, protective boyfriend for it.

“Chica? What’s that look for?” Rafael tapped your hips with his fingers.

“Oh, well, while I was buying the next round this guy asked to pay for them,” you shrugged, biting your lip hard to stop yourself from grinning at the look that took over Rafael’s face. It looked like his eye was a second away from twitching, and you were a little worried about his teeth from how hard he was clenching his jaw.

“Really?” he ground out.

“Hm, I said no, and then he was all like a pretty lady shouldn’t buy her own drinks,” you nodded, innocently looking up at him from under your lashes as Rafael’s hands tightened on your hips.

“He called you a pretty lady?”

“Yep, I then told him that this pretty lady can drink buy her own drinks,” you continued. “He didn’t like that. Called me aggressive, and then he followed me back to the table where Liv was and called me a bitch.”

“He. Did. What?” oh he was seething now; this was a much different kind of anger than what he had moments before. “What was his name?”

“Called me a bitch and said I was aggressive for turning him down,” you shrugged, deciding to continue pressing his buttons. “Liv went all badass cop and it was kind of hot. And I didn’t take the time to get his name.”

You had the pleasure of seeing Rafael go from furious to confused to amused and back to furious. It was a little like whiplash but also really amusing.

“First, I’m getting Finn and Amaro to get the security footage from that bar and then run facial recognition to get the name of that bastard,” Rafael told you. “Second, I am then going to get a warrant for his arrest.”

“Rafi!” you scolded.

“Hush, not done,” Rafael tapped your nose before grabbing your hip again. “Thirdly, I’m going to ruin that man’s life. And finally, you’re not wrong Liv in full cop mode is rather hot.”

“She said the same thing about you in lawyer mode,” you mused. “Also, Rafi, you can’t ruin that guys life just because he was an arse who can’t take rejection.”

“I certainly can, I’m an ADA,” he countered. “And my best friend is a Sargant in the NYPD, and my friends are all cops, who adore you and would most likely help me with my plan.” 

“That I believe would be considered an abuse of power,” you pointed out drumming your fingers on his shoulders as you moved your hands down to be placed on his chest.

“I believe I don’t care,” he shrugged. “And once the judge meets you and you charm them, they won’t care either.”

“You know you’re putting a lot of power on my ability to charm people,”

“Chica, you got me to relent and admit I was an ass, quicker than anyone else,” Rafael told you as he slowly walked you backwards until your back hit the wall, his green eyes simmering with heat. “And that is including my mother.”

“Okay, that has to be bullshit,”

“Nope,” he said distractedly, as he eyes traced your face before trailing down to your neck. “Now, I do believe make up sex is traditional for couples who just fought.”

“Is that right?” you asked, slowly grinning as you relaxed against the wall and lifted your head a little to show off your neck, and pushing out your chest to draw attention to your cleavage.

“Chica,” he drawled. “Did you happen to mention that guy from the bar on purpose?”

“I would never,” you innocently claimed.

“Uh-huh, some reason I don’t believe you,” Rafael whispered dropping his lips to your neck. “But I’ll let it go.” He pressed kisses up and down your neck, peppering them along your collar bone and the top of your shoulder before bringing his lips back to hover over yours. “I’ll warn you though, I have a desire to mark you more than normal. Is that alright?”

“Fuck yes, Rafi,” you gasped as you felt a flare of desire burn low in your gut. Turns out turning on protective, lawyer boyfriend mode resulted in primal Rafael. And that was something you were a-okay with. “Mark me as yours.”

“Good. Girl.” He breathed as his teeth latched onto the crook of your neck, his tongue quickly running over the mark to sooth it followed by a press of his lips as he continued to suck on it.

You whimpered, grabbing onto him and lifting one of your legs to wrap around his hip and draw him closer. His hands stayed on your hips, holding them tightly almost enough to leave marks. But even with the more aggressive way he was marking you, there was barely any pain and what pain there was only added to the pleasure that was flowing through your body. This was something that the two of you had worked out early on in your relationship, you liked a little pain to be mixed in with your pleasure, especially if it was pain that came from markings.  

“I’m going to be so marked tomorrow,” you told him.

“Hm, not just tomorrow but the next day and the next day,” Rafael growled against your neck as he moved across to your other side to make an identical mark there.

“Ah, shit,” you moaned, hips rolling against his, rubbing against his slowly hardening dick. Grinning when you heard him groan against the mark he was currently making near your collar bone.

“Chica, keep doing that, roll your hips just like that,” he ordered, his hand moving down to grip the thigh of the leg hooked over his hip, squeezing it in time with the roll of your hips. He wanted there to be slight bruises on your thigh in the shape of his hand.

“Rafi, you better leave a matching mark on my other thigh,” you breathed. “You know I like to match.”

“I know don’t worry,” Rafael mused. “I’ll have plenty of time to mark up your other thigh.”

“Of course, you do love my thighs,” you giggled, gasping when Rafael licked up your throat. “What are you an animal?”

“So, it’s okay for you to lick me but I can’t lick you?” he demanded leaning away from your neck.

“Hush, less snarking more marking,” you ordered. He titled his head to the side, smirking as he gently lowered your leg and walked away from you, the lose grip you had on his shoulders allowing him. “Hey! Thought we were having makeup sex?” you pouted at him.

“Oh, we will, I just had an idea,” he stated hungry eyes raking up and down your body. You flushed, whole body going warm as arousal settled low in your gut.

“What is it?” you said shakily, legs going weak. The look on his face was near feral as his eyes dragged back to yours, your mouth opened a little as you nearly panted.

“Run.” He raised an eyebrow in a slight question.

“Green.”

“Then, run little bunny.”

Giggling you pushed away from the wall turning to run through the apartment, circling around the couch and running towards the bedroom. Just as you crossed the threshold you felt arms wrap around your waist tugging you tight to the body behind you.

“Got you little bunny,” Rafael’s voice purred in your ear. “Now you’re mine to with as I please.”

“Oh, such a shame,” you giggled.

Rafael licked a line up your neck before releasing you, his hands tugging on your shirt throwing it to the side before he spun you around by your hips.

“Finish undressing and then get on the bed on all fours,” he ordered in a rough voice.  

You whimpered softly as you obeyed him, your body shivering a little in anticipation as you positioned yourself on the bed.

“Keep your eyes forward, you aren’t allowed you touch yourself or me,” Rafael instructed. “It’s up to me if you cum tonight.”

“Yes sir.”

--

Two Days Later

“Is this in anyway about us?” you paused just before the door to Rafael’s office. The concern you had for him had only grown after your conversation a few days ago. Since he mentioned that he probably wouldn’t be home you decided to make him his favourite meal and bring it to his office. You had an idea of who that voice belonged to, and your heart picked up, since your conversation he tried to be better with not blocking you out, and that included opening up about everything.

“Yelina,” you knew that tone. That was his, ‘I am trying to remain civil but it is trying’ tone. You narrowed your eyes; you knew who Yelina was and you did not like her one little bit. You always tried to be nice to people but her, ooh when Rafael told you the story you wanted to punch her in the throat. And that feeling was something new. And right now, she was in Rafael’s office most likely trying to make Rafael feel guilty over what her creep of a husband has been doing.

“Papi, I know-” you tuned out what else she was saying as you saw red, she was not trying to flirt with him or imply that he has feelings for her. Hell no.

“Rafi, I brought you some dinner,” you walked right in through that door, right up to his side wrapping your arm around his waist, and under his jacket. “Oh, sorry I didn’t realise you were busy.” You turned and smiled ‘innocently’ at Yelina, your eyes taking her in. You guessed she was pretty, had nothing on Liv, Amanda or your three girls but she was pretty, however, there was something about her body language that just took away from it.

“Chica,” Rafael breathed, his own arm wrapping around your shoulder and holding you close to him as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “It’s fine, I’m happy you’re here.”

“Yeah?” you looked up at him. “Well, good, I made your favourite, bub.”

“Excuse me, sorry we were in the middle of something,” Yelina interrupted.

“Oh, right, I slightly overheard that,” you nodded looking back towards her. You looked her up and down again, eyes narrowing down, you grinned at her. “Sounded like you potentially trying to use the past you have with Rafi to get him to back off from your husband, and what he has been doing.”

“Who do-” she started taking a step towards you.

“No, who do you think you are?” you demanded, pulling away from Rafael. Your face set in a scowl as you stared her down. “You came into Rafael’s office, making demands of him and using your past with him to try and get your way. Never mind the fact that you haven’t contacted him in years, and yeah, I know that because my boyfriend and I talk. That is an incredibly horrible bitchy thing to do. And I also know you were not just about to try and creepy flirt with him, with is a whole other issue that I think you need to sort out.”

“Chica,” Rafael’s voice was amused as he watched you stare down his old flame, he was a little shocked he hadn’t ever seen you like this in the six months you had been dating and it was a little sexy. A bit of turn on to have you defending him. The way you argued with him the other day was different, this anger wasn’t directed at him it was for him.

“So, I suggest you hurry on to your boring little dinner with your horrible husband, while Rafi and I enjoy a lovely romantic night together, because he is such an amazing man,”

“Boyfriend?” Yelina asked her eyes going from you to Rafael.

“Yelina, this is Y/n, my girlfriend,” Rafael finally introduced you to his old friend, stepping up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back to his chest, resting his chin on your head. You were wearing flat shoes so instead of being around his height you were at the height of his shoulder.

“Rafi, how young is she?” Yelina asked crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Old enough, and don’t you dare try to make a comment about this,” your temper that was just a small little fire, grew the longer you talked to this woman.

Yelina sent you a scathing look before looking at Rafael one last time, seeing that she wasn’t going to get anything from him, she stormed out of his office. You extracted yourself from Rafael’s arms and made sure to close and lock the door to his office.

“Chica,” Rafael sighed rubbing his mouth to try and hide the grin that was forming as you turned around to face him again. You pursed your lips, leaning against the door and held the lunch tote bag in-front of you, after removing the scarf you were wearing to hide the dozens of love bites that Rafael left on your neck the other night.

“What?” you pouted. “I made dinner.”

“Yes, you did,” Rafael nodded as he walked towards you, eyes heating at the sight of his marks on you. He took the tote from you, setting it on the ground to the side as he crowded against you. His hands finding their home on the door beside your head. “And you told her to leave.”

“Yes, I did,” you whispered coyly, as you looked up at Rafael, biting your lip. “Was that, okay, I didn’t overstep?”

“You definitely didn’t overstep Carino,” he promised you, leaning down to nibble on your throat over one of his marks. You gasped, hands reaching out to grab hold of his waist as he pressed his body fully against you as he pressed kisses along your jaw.

“Rafi,” you moaned, spreading your legs to allow one of his in-between. You rolled your hips against his thigh, grinding your clit, whimpering a little when he pressed in closer. The outline of his cock pressing again you.  

“Carino, you just did something for me that no-one has ever done,” he whispered against your lips.

“And what was that?”

“Defend me,” he pressed a kiss to your lips. “Claim me.” Another kiss. “And state that I am a better choice than him.” And another kiss. That lingered. His lips pressing harder and harder against yours, as his hips rolled into you. His hands stroked down your side, grabbing your hips to pull you even tighter against him, grinding you against his thigh.  

“Rafael,” you whined breaking again from him. “This is not what I intended when I came over here.”

“Maybe not but watching you get mad at Yelina on my behalf was sexy,” he groaned gripping your chin to keep your eyes locked. “And fuck woman, it was such a turn on.”

“Well, let me just add that to list of things I never thought would turn you on,” you giggled, which turned into a laugh when the hand that was gripping your hip tickled your side.

“You have a list?” he asked, the fingers holding your chin stroking up your cheek and into your hair.

“You don’t?” you countered.

“Touche,” he nodded kissing you again, both hands now holding your face so gently. “Chica, I love you.” His green eyes were a pool of warmth, that stared into yours. “These past six months have been like nothing I could ever imagine. You have brought life and light into my life, and you call me out of my bullshit. I love you.”

“You love me?” you asked, voice shaky as you felt tears form. Your body shivered, butterflies making their home in your stomach.

“Yes, my Corazon,” he nodded leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you too,” you whispered, hands squeezing his waist. “I have never been as happy as I am every moment I am with you.” You leaned up to kiss his lips, nuzzling his nose.

“My perfect Carino.”

[thirtysomethingloser92]

I think the worst thing about writing is that I’m in dire need to write that slow burn Rafael Barba/Reader story, because apparently ya’ll are thirsty bitches for our sassy suspender wearing ADA and I’m willing to take one for the team.

I have a sort of plot, a vibe, and borderline personality disorder- enjoy the angst this is gonna bring.

Ya welcome.

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Holding on For Me ~Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Partner!GradStudent!Reader (feat. Rafael Barba)

Summary— Rita gets hurt badly and ends in the hospital. Her two closest people, you and Rafael, come running. But you’ve never met each other, and now your partner’s and his best friend’s life hangs in the balance…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, then fluff, heavily implied physical assault, hospitals, near death experiences, bruising, implied scarring, crying, hyperventilating, implied anxiety attacks, happy fully ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You rubbed your temples with a sigh as you stared at her dull computer screen and flipped the pages of your extensive notes. You was violently pulled out of your doctoral thesis research by the sound of your cell phone ringing. Eager for a distraction, you swiftly picked up the phone.

“Hi this is is Y/N!”

“Hello Ma’am. I am calling from Mercy Hospital, I have you listed as an emergency contact for one Rita Calhoun?”

Your heart dropped. Rita? What had happened? Was she okay??

“What happened? Is she okay??”

“She was brought in about 30 minutes ago… She’s currently in surgery, pretty banged up. I am just making my rounds and contacting her emergency numbers in case.”

“Ok thank you so much, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” you hastily replied.

As soon as the call had ended, you jumped up from your chair, your heart racing and your mind spiraling. You scurried around her apartment, collecting things that you or Rita might possibly need at the hospital, throwing all the miscellaneous items into a bag before storming out of the apartment. You were swift to hail a cab once out on the city streets, eagerly giving the address of the hospital. Was Rita going to be okay? What if they lose her before you got to the hospital?

The words hospital and surgery made your stomache sink. Your hands felt like they were going numb, and your mind seemed to only be able to come up with the worst possible scenarios on what could have happened to Rita. You bit at her lip anxiously, and you closed her eyes for the rest of the cab drive, too overwhelmed to bear the stimulus of sight at the moment. Did this have to do with Rita’s job? Maybe an ex-client or someone who’d threatened her? What was the last thing she said to Rita…??

As soon as the cab stopped outside of the hospital, you paid the driver and rushed inside the bustling ER doorway. You immediately found a nurse and asked about Rita, who led you to the waiting room for trauma surgery, a separate, more secluded area of the hospital. The nurse had not been able to tell you much, besides the fact that Rita was still in surgery. So you anxiously paced the little waiting room, biting your fingernails and feeling like you wanted to cry. ‘Pretty banged up’, how badly was her partner hurt? Why were you the only one here??

Memories of you and Rita flooded your mind. You remembered when you two first met, it was only a couple years ago, but you had grown so close since. You thought of all the late nights that you two had spent together, laughing and drinking until both of you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. You remembered how much Rita worked, just how passionate she was about her job. And now in a matter of 15 minutes that could all be ripped away from you? Rita taken from so swiftly, so cruelly?

You approached the nearest nurses station and asked about your partner again. As you were trying to pry any and all information out of this poor young nurse, a man stormed into the waiting area. You had the slightest sense that she knew him from somewhere, but as he was pacing the room furiously, muttering certain choice words in Spanish, you couldn’t quite place it. Then the man came up to the desk where you were standing and spoke. What if these were Rita’s last waking moments…? How could you live with yourself if Rita didn’t make it…?

“Hi. Do you have any information about Rita Calhoun and how she’s doing?” The man asked rushedly.

Now that he was right next to you and after revealing he knew Rita, it clicked for you. This was Rafael, Rita’s best friend from her college years. The two had never formally met, you had seen a picture or two of him in Rita’s apartment (from the many nights that you’d had dinner and stayed over) and you had only heard about Rafael when Rita elected to talk about him. You knew that while they were good friends, there were wounds in their personal pasts, so you never pushed to meet him. Had Rafael and Rita ended on good terms in the last time they talked? Did he know if this was work related…??

“You’re Rafael…” you managed to breathe out.

You were surprised that you had even been able to get out one word with the lump in your throat. Rafael turned from the counter to face you, giving you a quizzical and slightly defensive look. How could this have happened? It had been going all so well, and now with a simple call, life has turned upside down…

“Yes. And you are?”

“Y/N. Rita’s partner.”

Rafael’s brows raised and his eyes glistened with intrigue. He seemed to decide that you were alright, because he sent you a confirming nod, before going back to grilling the nurse for more information. Had Rita been threatened…? Attacked? Taken??

Trying desperately not to cry in front of him or the hospital staff, your knees suddenly began to feel weak. Before you could catch herself, your legs buckled and you collapsed on the cold, hard, hospital floor. Rafael was quick to turn back towards you, giving you his hands to help stabilize your overstimulated state. Your weak form managed to make it to one of the waiting room seats, where Rafael promptly sat next to you. It was then that you noticed how much your entire body was shaking. Rita couldn’t die… No, she couldn't die… It just… She couldn't it…

“I… I didn’t know Rita had a partner.” He stammered aloud, breaking the silence of the two of you sitting in the hospital, both equally nervous wrecks.

You shrugged in response, not having the wherewithal to respond to that at the moment. Silent tears finally began to stream down your face, as you started to let it all out. You curled forward, holding your head in your hands as you sobbed for what felt like hours. How would you ever be happy again? You would never move on. You couldn’t. Rita was your everything… You couldn’t face losing her…

“I don’t know what I’ll… d-do if… If Rita…” you stuttered, not able to finish your statement, as your voice returned to choked sobs.

You felt a soft and gentle touch on your back, making you uncurl and meet Rafael’s own reddened gaze.

“Rita is one of the strongest, hard ass people I know. Ever since school… I have never seen a fighter quite like her. If anyone will make it, it’s her.”

“Thanks” you croaked out.

Awkward silence took the room, the only sound being the hustling and bustling of the hospital. Rafael eventually removed his hand from your back, as it began to feel like he was overstepping. But the second you lost that touch, you seemed to only feel worse.

“Do you know w-what h-happened…? Or w-why…?” You stammered out in a whisper.

Rafael leaned forward, his forearms coming to his knees with a heavy sigh.

“I know that she’s been facing scrutiny and backlash for the last case she took. but besides that I don’t know…” he breathed out.

You pulled your knees up onto your chair, wrapping your hands around your body for some semblance of control and comfort, as you let out a shaky sigh.

“S-so it is work related…?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, I’m sorry… Truthfully, I hadn’t talked to her since she took that case, I was the lead prosecutor and we… we had a bit of a fallout over it…” Rafael gritted out.

His defensiveness seemed to have vanished, all that being left being the vulnerable, close friend of Rita’s. His knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing his hands.

“Christ the last thing I probably did was yell at her to get out of my office…” he confessed, looking down to the ground with shame and guilt.

“I… I can’t even r-remember what the last thing I said to her was…” you choked out through violent sobs.

Rafael looked up at your wailing and his hand came out, caressing your shoulder lightly. He squeezed your trembling form reassuringly.

“I’m sure you told her how much you loved her…” he softly comforted you.

“I don’t know… I d-don’t know…” you changed in a whisper, starting to rock back and forth anxiously in the seat.

“Hey. Take some deep breaths… She’s going to be okay.”

Your glossy eyes met his reddened ones and you two just connected. All because of Rita. You were so grateful that she had found a friend like Rafael. And Rafael was grateful that she had someone like you to support her as a partner. Suddenly you were both drawn back to the crushing reality by a nurse coming up to you with a file in hand.

Rafael immediately stood and walked right up to her, demanding answers. You couldn’t get yourself to stand, so you merely looked up at the two standing adults with pleading eyes.

“Are you family?”

You both nodded vigorously.

“How is she? What happened?? Can we see her…??” Rafael demanded.

“EMT’s responded to a Good Samaritan call who found her in an alley… The ambulance brought her here to Mercy and she’s been in surgery ever since. It was a little touch and go, she has a concussion, multiple lacerations, a four broken ribs, scattered bruising, and a shattered left forearm…”

Your mouth went dry at the nurses words and you couldn’t think as tears began to stream down your face once more. Your lip trembled as you bit it, attempting to stifle your sobs.

“Can we see here??” Rafael immediately asked.

“Yes you may see her, she’s finally out, and she’s somewhat awake. I’ll take you to her, But take it slow, she has a long road to recovery…” the nurse said.

Rafael let out a sigh of relief and he quickly turned to you. Extending his arm, he helped you up and down the hall towards Rita’s private room. The nurse let you in, closing the door behind the two of you.

Rita looked peaceful for a moment, lying in the bed, but as she began to wake up, pain flooded across her face. Practically all of her exposed skin was bruised and battered, the biggest being her black eye. Her eye widened as much as she could widen them at the sight of you and Rafael.

“Holy fuck…” Rita winced in pain as we tried to sit up.

You immediately rushed next to her, sitting at the edge of the bed. The older brunette leaned back again, giving up the idea of sitting up properly for her moment, instead meekly attempting to reach out to you with her right hand, and you eagerly met her more than half-way, taking her hand and kissing it over and over again as tears of joy steamed down your cheeks.

“Rita Rita… God I’m so glad you’re okay… How are you feeling…?” you whispered, continuing your love and tender assault on her hand.

“Hi baby… I’m… in a whole lot of fucking pain, but I’ll live…” she breathed out in confession.

Rita smiled lightly back. But even that seemed to hurt her, as she winced lightly again. Rafael was standing at the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets as he watched the two of you. His eyes softeners watching your dynamic, he scolded himself for being so goddamn stubborn. Because if he hadn’t been, Rita might have introduced him to you…

“Oh Baby don’t move, stay still. Doctors orders you need to rest. Don’t want you getting more hurt…” you pleaded caringly and with much love.

“She’s a stubborn hardass. Doctor’s orders won’t stop her…” Rafael teasingly cooed, meeting Rita’s gaze.

Rita rolled her eyes at her closest friend.

“Shut up, you idiot… Now come over here and hug me.” Rita shot back with the same teasing tone.

Rafael chuckled, looked down to the ground as he made his way around to the opposing side of the bed, releasing his hands from his pockets, the man leaned over and gave his friend a proper embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m so glad you’re alive” Rafael whispered to Rita, before retracting slightly, but staying close and gazing at her caringly.

Rita wanted to cup his cheek and pull him close, tell Rafi that it was all good, but her drugs were at a heavy dosage and soon they began to pull her back into unconsciousness.

“It’s… okay Rafaellll…—” she mumbled before dozing off.

Your gaze then met Rafael’s, coming to an understanding that neither of you would be leaving anytime soon.

~~~

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[kaliopes]

lately i am getting a lot of inspiration for my Barisi wip (the one in which Sonny and Amanda are getting divorced - very friendly process tho - and he meets Rafael for the first time in more than 4 years of basically radio silence between them. Rafael has a daughter, moved all the way to the West Coast in Oregon to be near her, and is now a professor in Portland and a firm advocate for Immigrants’ Rights). all their lives have been changed, they certainly aren’t where they all supposed to be in the age they are, with the story they had.

initially it would be just a one shot, with the various moments Sonny and Rafael would meet in NY after they both are matchmaked by… yes, our girl Rita. she’s been suffering too much with Rafa’s contained, but loud melancholic nostalgia. and Sonny boy isn’t doing well in court, it’s getting too easy to rattle him in a deal. Rita will have none of that.

now i have a lot of thoughts and angst about the characters’ feelings of being the one left behind, watch your once friends’ lives by the sidelines, the bitterness of having to finally, finally let go of the life you so desperately wanted all those years (not only for you, but for your child). but Rafa needs to get done with it, as soon as possible. and it’s chaotic.

the grief of losing a mother, of losing the expectations you so had all your life, just to see it shattered in a year or so, because there was love, so much love, dedication, respect, presence, but that wasn’t enough. there is still something Sonny desperately wants and it’s chaotic, it’s his desires, the ones he neglected so much years before, the ones that turned out to be ghosts remembering him that a life well lived isn’t one done by the books, by the traditional expectations of everyone around him.

a life well lived can be chaos, like taking care of the 3 children you share with your amazing ex wife, and trying to get on the good graces of the first person Sonny ever thought he could ditch the whole white picket fence shit for. and now this certain someone has an autistic daughter, Marielena, co-parents her with a woman he met for a one night stand during a conference in LA and, god, wouldn’t Cynthia Haines be an awesome woman as well.

Olívia makes some appearances, but the outcome is not that good. I’m on the team that Rafa, after all this time, deserves to have his solitude, anger and bitterness respected. In fact that’s one of the WIPs axis.

[the-wandering-wonder]

No Further Questions

Just a fun, angsty oneshot I threw together due to my current Raul Esparza obsession. Pairing: Rafael Barba x Reader

Word Count: 1,211

Rating: T (angst, swearing)

Chapter: 1/1

Summary: You get called as a witness for the defense, and Rafael has to cross-examine you. And we all know how ruthless he can be, even to the SVU detectives. Hurt feelings and anger come out, and you don't quite know how to handle it.

“No further questions.”

Rafael Barba’s words echo in your ears as you step out of the witness box. You can’t bring yourself to look at him as you walk past the table, anger and humiliation flooding through you. You walk out of the courtroom, Carisi right on your heels. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Carisi calls, trying to keep up with your brisk pace. “That was rough…”

“You're telling me.” 

“I mean, I get that he had to do his job, but damn.”

You stop before reaching the elevator, Carisi nearly stumbling into you. You turn, pinching the bridge of your nose as you let out a sigh.

“I-” You shake your head. “Look, I’m just gonna get back to the station. I’ve got paperwork to finish.”

Carisi looks like he wants to say something, but just gives you a sad nod instead, watching as you get in the elevator. As the doors shut and you’re left alone, you feel your lungs tighten and you take in gulps of air that burn your chest. Your eyes begin to burn and you feel tears threatening to fall.

“Dammit!” You slam your fist against the elevator wall. You’d never cried in the courthouse before and you were not about to start now.

~~~~~~~~

You knock back the shot of whiskey, feeling the burn in your throat and grateful to feel something besides the aching knot in your stomach. You’d left the squad at their table, preferring solitude at the bar. You fight back a tremble as you push your glass towards the edge of the bar.

“Another for the lady.”

Barba’s annoyingly smooth voice floats over the noise of the bar and you turn to see the A.D.A. sliding into the chair next to you. You feel your heart racing as memories of the day flood through you. The green of his eyes are almost swallowed in the dim light of the bar and you can’t help but remember the fire that had been in them as he ripped you apart on the witness stand. Or had that been hurt…?

“Look, about today-”

“Today?” You interrupt Barba, turning to glare at him. “Today fucking sucked.”

“Listen-”

“I’ve got nothing more to say, counselor.”

You spit out the title, taking notice of the pinched look in his eyes at your vitriol. You’d begun to trust Barba, but maybe that had been a mistake. You zip up your jacket, shoving your hands in your pockets as you push away from the bar. Swinging by the table, you give the squad a nod.

“I’m gonna call it a night,” you say quickly. “I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

Barba turns to watch you stride out of the bar. Tossing back his drink, he moves to follow you, stopping when Carisi moves to block him.

“Hey, man,” he says, his hand resting on Barba's chest. “I don't think you-”

He glances over Barba's shoulder, letting his words die as he sees Olivia shake her head softly. He steps aside, letting Barba follow you out into the brisk city air.

“Detective, wait!” He calls, frowning as he watches you walking away.

You ignore him as you continue down the sidewalk, and you hear the scrape of shoes on pavement as he follows behind. You stop short as he calls you by name, his voice cracking. You stop, pausing for just a moment before turning to face Barba.

“I’m sorry about today,” he says briskly, placing his hand on your arm.

You jerk your arm away, not missing the hurt that flashes across Barba's face as his jaw tenses. You sigh, feeling your chest tighten as the corners of your eyes begin to burn. You open and close your mouth, unable to form words that won’t end with you crying in front of him.

“You have to know that I didn’t enjoy that,” he continues, “it’s just…it’s my job.”

“I know what your job is,” you reply. Your voice begins to shake and each swallow feels like broken glass lodging in your throat. You let out a shaky sigh before continuing, “and I know why you did it. But it fucking hurt me. It blindsided me.”

“If I could have given you a heads up, I would have.” Barba lowers his head. “But I couldn’t risk accusations of tampering.”

“I know,” you nod your head slightly. “I’m just gonna go home, watch the game, and try to pretend today never happened. Good night, counselor.”

~~~~~~~~

You nurse your glass of wine, wrapped in your blanket as you watch the highlights from the game. Your team won, but you don’t feel your usual joy, instead sinking into the comforting embrace of numbness. You’re contemplating a second glass when there’s a soft knock at the door. You groan slightly as you disentangle yourself from the fabric and shuffle to the door.

You glance through the peephole, feeling a pang of surprise and irritation as you see Barba standing at your door, an almost shameful look on his face and a pizza box in his hand. You open the door, leaning against the doorframe as you look at him. He shifts his weight from one foot to another as he holds the pizza out towards you.

“I-uh, well, I know you like pizza when you watch a game,” he offers, his eyebrows knit as he searches your face for any sign of reaction.

“Game finished 30 minutes ago.”

Barba’s face falls at your words and despite wanting to hurt him earlier, it makes your heart ache slightly. You feel your anger and resolve slowly crumbling as you take in the man standing at your doorstep. He's in his usual fancy suit with a rich, brown overcoat, but his usual cocksure expression is long gone, replaced with a placating gaze and frown etched into his features. 

“I was about to put on a movie,” you continue, pushing off the door frame and walking back inside. “Wine or whiskey?”

“Whatever you have open,” Barba says quietly, taking a tentative step into your apartment.

“Wine it is, then.”

You grab a second glass, nodding at the door as you pour. He takes your meaning and closes it behind him, setting the pizza box on the counter once he reaches the kitchen. He sheds both overcoat and suit jacket, laying them on an empty chair. You hand him the glass and walk back over to the couch, settling into the comfort of the cushions and blanket. Barba stands by the counter, his gaze shifting from you to his glass and back again before he approaches the couch. Your name tumbles out of his lips with a sigh, his gaze filled with a plea for forgiveness.

Glancing up at Barba, you lift the blanket, scooting over to make room for the A.D.A. His eyes widen slightly and you see his posture soften ever-so-slightly before he lowers onto the couch, tentatively settling beside you.

“Today sucked, Raf.”

“I know.”

His arm slides around your shoulder and you instinctively curl into his side, his warmth radiating through your body as you feel his body sighing in relief, relaxing against you.

“It still hurts.”

Barba presses a gentle kiss against the top of your head before resting his chin there.

“I know…”

[i-got-ur-nose]

Two Slow Dancers (Last Ones Out)

Rafael Barba x Reader

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, mentions of a hospital setting, everything is very vague tho lmao

(this is a vent LMFAO)

((sorry not sorry <3))

She could smell the bourbon on his breath when he let her in. Her eyes tracked the way that his jaw clenched and then unclenched— something he did to calm himself down whenever he was on the brink of losing his composure.

This time was different though.

It wasn’t some insolent witness that was just getting on his nerves or a criminal that was too difficult for even him to handle. No. This was different. It was her that was causing him to act like this.

Only she could rile him up in such a way that he was itching to break something. Her and her eyes. Stoic and masked— he loathed to love her eyes.

“You promised that this guy wasn’t going to walk.” she reminded evenly. Rafael scoffed, meeting her gaze with a very specific kind of annoyance.

“Would you like to become the Assistant District Attorney and see for yourself what it is I have to do everyday?” The venom in his voice was clear as day.

“You promised—”

“I know what I promised.” He hissed, bristling anger she had already been trying to stuff down.

“If you would just—”

“Why so you can make me feel worse about myself?” Her mouth dropped open, face radiating nothing but heat.

“You promised—”

“Sometimes promises can’t be kept!” He shouted, cutting her off. The volume of his voice had grown to something that she had never heard before. Her eyes drifted from his screwed shut ones and down to his hands. The tremors were visible from where she sat.

Without saying a single word, she stood up from the leather chair he kept in the corner of his office and glided to the space right in front of his desk.

Right in front of him.

He still had his head down, his shoulders so tense that she was sure he was going to turn to stone. A knot formed in the middle of her chest, threatening to choke her from the inside out. She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.

“You,” He said roughly before taking a deep breath a meeting her eyes. The watery green almost knocking the wind out of her. “You are the single most important thing to me in the world.” His breathing was coming out harder than before. “Nothing else.” He waved a hand in front of his body, the other still holding him up over his desk.

“I-”

“Please let me finish.” He cuts her off again. She swallows thickly, but nonetheless nods for him to continue.

“I messed up. I got too close— too personal.” He admits. “When I saw him, all I saw was you in th-the hospital and I…” He breaks himself away from the train of thought forcefully.

“I fucked it and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it. But I swear to God, hermosa…” the nickname springs tears to her eyes. “The second the chance is mine, I’ll take it. He’ll never see the light of day again.”

She nods, trying to blink back the tears.

“Can I go now?” She tries to quirk a half-assed smile. Rafael huffs a dry laugh but nods.

“You promised me that he wouldn’t walk.” She started off and Raf looked like he had just been kicked in the gut. “But that means nothing if you aren’t by my side.” She was glad that she was able to get that out before the tears that she had tried so hard to keep down fought their way down her face.

Rafael crossed to her in two strides, crushing her in a hug that could have fed her for a thousand years. One of his hands cradled her neck so carefully into his shoulder, while the other was wrapped firmly around her waist.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He whispered into her ear, softly kissing her temple over and over again. “I’m so sorry.”

She held his face in between her hands and smiled sadly, but not a single ounce not loving. A single tear made its way from Rafael’s eye and down his cheek. She brushed it away, kissing the skin that it had touched. They were going to be okay.

[narcissuslecter]

HEY BABES!!!

it's me, your fave internet menace, will graham smokes truther, barisi angst writer, who hasn't been writing and hasn't been posting! my life got super crazy busy and i have had literally noooo time to write :(

but i have been writing little bits and ideas here and there. for all u angsty barisi babes thank u so much for reading <3 im writing chapter 3 rn and i hope to have it out soon!

for all u hannigram babes, thank u so much for reading <3 i have some more tyler the creator x hannigram fic ideas planned, real angsty kinky stuff because i can and that's what u love me for.

and i even have a few criminal minds fic ideas in the drafts, also, angsty kinky stuff because i can and u haven't seen what i can do yet!

all that rambling aside, send me headcanon reqs, send me asks!

be gay, see u next time <3

[poetoflawed]

Family Man

Part 1 Word count: 947 Ok so this post is based on this previous idea I had Pls do not plagiarize Beware of Google Translate lol

3rd POV Rafeal and Y/n make their way through the airport. Y/n turns to Rafeal, “Do you really have to go?” She knows the answer. They’ve talked about this extensively. “Mi amor que estás haciendo ahora? You know I have to. This is for both of us.” He holds her face in his hands, “I have to become someone, someone worthy of you. Someone who makes a difference. Por favor entiende mi amor.” She pulls her face away, “But por qué? I know this is what you want, what you need. But why can’t you stay. Stay here with me. I’m sorry, I know i’m being selfish, but i love you.” “Don’t worry. We got this. te amo completamente.” He looks in her eyes reassuringly, picks up his duffle and moves towards the gate.

13 years later … Rafeal is a lawyer. The esteemed A.D.A Rafael Barba. The A.D.A who works with NYPD’s SVU unit. He lives a somewhat glamorous life of suits and ties. He is a man known to be notorious for being so busy his personal life is almost non existent. He is a bachelor, living a high stress busy life. One so full, relationships past the occasional hook up, are not likely. A recent case having pulled him resulted in him ordering an emergency meeting on Christmas Day, with the NYPD detectives. As the holidays progress, while going over case notes, he gets a message to contact Y/n, but, even though he remembers her, he ignores it and does not return her call.

Rafael’s POV

This case is gonna be the death of me. Hijo de puta, I’m late. My mind is full and racing. This case needs to go well, this woman, this victim. This never should have happened, and I need to help. I barely notice when I make it to the little convenience store near my building. Needing to pick up some milk I make my way inside, as I'm looking through the aisles I hear a commotion at the cash.

“I'm not gonna cash it man. It's fake!” “NO it Ain’t! Cash the fuckin ticked asshole!” “NO” “Oh yeah?” the man pulls out a handgun and my eyes widen a little “Wait!” The fuck are you doing i think to myself as the man turns to me gun at his side, “How much is the ticket worth-” I notice his face getting more irritated, “I-I’lll buy it off you.” I show the three hundred dollar bills in my hand, “Seriously, take it and cut your losses man. This isn't worth a record.” He stashes his gun back in his coat, grabs the bills from my hand, and throws the ticket on the counter as he turns out of the store. I stood there for a minute and let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I make my way outside catching up to the man from before, “Here,” I hand him a prepackaged sandwich, “I have a feeling you might want this. Do you have anywhere to go?” “I'm fine man. Leave me alone.” “Are you sure?” I might be a cynic but I still wanna help people. “Lemme ask you something man,what's missing from your life! Think about that!” “I have everything I need already.” I say, baffled. The man looks at me, annoyed and just turns on his heel and starts stalking away down the street. Baffled, I return to my penthouse and sleep.

The golden rays of sunshine hit my eyes suddenly, and then i realize its Christmas day again. I realize there's breathing coming from next to me. I roll over and am met with the (still) beautiful sleeping face of Y/n. My eyes widen and I sit up, as i'm sitting in bed confused, with my breath picking up, I see a child, a young girl, staring at me from the door to the room.

“Papi, can you make me some food please?”

I sit there baffled, Y/n slowly wakes up, “Mmmhmmm what's up baby?” she's asking, slowly waking up. As she slowly sits up in bed my confusion intensifies as I look at her, the girl I left my first year at Harvard, sitting in a bed I've never seen, pregnant. With what appears to be the second child. I look from the woman to the girl, throwing myself from the bed, “Raf?” “Papi?” As I sprint downstairs, I search for some keys as my head swims.

What the actual fuck is happening right now????

As I run outside I realize i'm not in New york anymore but rather suburban New Jersey. As I drive frantically back to the precinct I make my way inside, desperate and only in my pajamas and winter coat, I walk up to the front desk. “Jenny, I need benson.” i’m panting and confusion flashes in my eye when she frowns at me, “And who are you sir?” “Jenny… what… you know me…” my brows crease. “Sir how do you know my name?” she asks nervously. My confusion turns to anger now, “Jenny i was at your baby shower a year ago, your sons name is Grant, he went through a phase where he only ate cheese. Please, PLEASE. You know me!” Her eyes are wide now, fear evident. Slowly she reaches for the phone on her desk “Ok sir,” She nods over to a uniform and nudges my way “this is officer Kapal, he’ll show you to a room where you can wait for the detective.” “Thank you, finally” i let out a breath of air, and follow the officer to one of the rooms.

[questions-about-blorbos]

This question was sent to our inbox and we made a separate poll in response to it. If you want to put your Blorbo in a situation of your choice and see if people think they’ll survive, send your Blorbo and the situation in which you want to see them to our inbox and we’ll post a poll for you! (For more information, check our pinned post.)

[callixton]

sorry that the only things i have to write for barba are like five hundred stories abt consent issues and him telling people he’s kinky. unfortunately he’s on Complex Consent Issues: The Show they just hate to acknowledge that

[therapycat21]

Cocky Man Pt.2

Rafael Barba x OC!Valentina Teller

Series Description:

Valentina Teller is a sketch artist for the NYPD and assists the SVU with cases. Go through this journey with her as she meets the sassy and confident DA for the SVU Rafael Barba.

"UGH!" Val exclaims loudly before launching her eraser towards the corner of her office and taking an aggressive sip of her iced coffee before her doors abruptly open "The sketch you drew, the man has a deep scar, deep enough from a knife?" an anxious Barba says speeding into the room without much of an introduction, leaving Val blindsided. 

Mouth agape from his small rant she realizes he's still waiting for a response based on his arms crossing and a raised eyebrow. Val shakes her head clearly "Um yeah, she said it had to of been a knife cause of how deep it was and he also the one near his eyebrow" she finally says placing her coffee down on her strawberry coaster.

He nods, his head down in thought before releasing a deep sigh and slumping in one of her comfy chairs that sit in front of her desk. Val raises an eyebrow,curious about the visit from the DA, Val looks at Barba before clearing her throat 

"no offense counselor but why did you come all the way up here if you could have just asked Liv?" she asks giving an almost awkward smile. Barba smirks "well maybe I just wanted to meet you a little better this time around" he says with a cocky smile.

Val blushes under his stare before she breaks the tension by offering him some of her nutter butters she was snacking on "would you like a nutter butter?" she asks pushing the opened package closer to him

he chuckles at the awkward and flustered woman before nodding and reaching forward to snack on the cookie. Val and Barba sat for an hour snacking on the cookies and talking mindlessly about any and everything.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

"your telling me that you've never had an iced coffee before?" Val asks shocked at the man in front of her. He shakes his head laughing slightly "nope,never and I never plan to either" Val throws her hands against her forehead "that is gonna change one day, I promise you that" Val says determined to get him to try it. The pair are interrupted by val's office phone ringing.

she holds a finger up before answering, Barba stares in interest before she finally places the phone back down. "that was Liv, they need us both upstairs" she tells him, val watches as the man sighs in exhaust before standing and grabbing the jacket he had shed earlier and his briefcase, Barba stands by the door as Val gathers her belongings and the pair head to the elevator to go downstairs to meet Liv and the rest of the team.

As the elevator doors open and they walk into the the center of the detectives desks, the team all give the pair odd looks while rollins gives val a little smirk. Barba gives the team a sigh in clear exhaustion "okay, what do you need or what do you have?" barba says annoyed. 

Val peeks out the corner of her eye at him with a small smile, gaining a small smirk in return that the squad did not miss. Liv office door opens and she walks out putting her phone away "that was Cassandra walls mother, and she said Cassandra is officially recanting everything she has said about her attacker and does not want to testify in court" Liv stops right in front of Barba and Val. 

Barba huffs in response while val stands confused "I'm confused, why am I here for this?" she asks Liv. Liv sighs "you're here because even though Cassandra isn't testifying you were able to get a clear sketch and you can show the jury that was she told you in great detail is true, maybe this can show the jury that Cassandra is telling the truth and maybe she is being pressured to recant because she may know her attacker personally" Val nods in agreement as Barba stares at Liv 

"you think she knows them personally? how so?" he asks as Liv go to stand by the bulletin board "we did some digging and found a family member of hers that fits her description she gave Val almost exactly, and now all of a sudden her mom is telling us she can't testify anymore, maybe it's because he is family to them" Liv finishes.

Barba nods while thinking "get me a little more about how he is related and try to bring Cassandra in for questioning, in the meantime" He turns towards val "you're coming with me, I need to prep you for the stand and whoever this guys attorney is" he doesn't wait for a response before almost speed walking towards the elevator. 

Val stands in shock from pretty much all of that conversation before turning towards the squad "pre p me? I'm gonna testify?" val asks, rollins nods before smirking "eh don't worry, I think Barba will prep you juu--st right" she laughs before turning back to her computer leaving a flustered Val.

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

"Ms. Teller, what occurred with you and Cassandra Wall at your meeting to help her sketch out her attacker?" Barba asks standing at the table in front of Val where she sits on the stand in the empty courtroom. Val clears her throat "umm, Miss Wall could barely remember anything about her attacker besides a scar he had near his mouth and eyebrow" Val says, her voice shaking slightly.

 Barba looks up from his file in question "are you nervous?" he asks bluntly and slapping his folder shut and tossing it on the table. Val tries to avoid eye contact from the intimidating man before finally making contact and nodding slightly "very much so, I've never had to do this before" Val tells him gaining an understanding nod from him.

Barba walks up to the stand, placing his hands on the edge "it's okay to be nervous, but If we want to get Cassandra to tell the truth to the jury, your voice cannot shake,I know it's gonna be hard but if you get too nervous just look at me " he tells Val assuringly. Val nods her head with a small smile before her phone rings, breaking the pairs staring contest.

Val hurryingly reaches for her phone seeing a call from her daughters school, Val answers hearing Amelia's teacher calling because she quickly got sick and needed to be taken home "okay, thank you so much Carla!" 

Val tells the person over the phone before hanging up and looking up at a confused Barba "sorry, um that was my daughters school, I gotta go get her, she got sick" she tells him. 

Barba nods in understanding "how old is she?"he asks watching Val gathering her stuff "oh she's four about to be five soon" Barba nods with a smile. Val looks up after grabbing all of her stuff "thank you for prepping me, Just let me know when you guys need me for court" she tells him gaining a nod from him 

"I'll call you when I get the details, see you later" he says, Val smiles "thank you, see you later" Val opens and leaves the courtroom, Leaving a slightly flustered and emotionally confused Barba.

Authors Note: 

Please leave a like and a comment!!

[tinyboxxtink]

I really hate putting this out there especially when I've been gone so long, but things have been so difficult lately health wise and money wise. I recently went into the hospital with blood clots on my lungs caused by my birth control. SERIOUSLY. I knew there was like a 1% chance of it happening but you never think it will be you.

Anyway due to that I'll be in the hospital for a few days/weeks (god I hope NOT, probably days.) And I have had to take off work in the meantime for about two weeks now because of my declining health. And I get paid hourly so no PTO or sick days. Annnnddd now I got hospital bills.... fuck why did that just dawn on me?

If you know me, and my writing, if you could help me out by just giving a dollar, it would be much appreciated. You can even send me a request and I'll fulfill it, I'll have nothing but time now to write.

Thank you guys in advance, I love you all so much!

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Bittersweet Symphony Masterlist:

Summary: When you unexpectedly discover you're pregnant, you're thrust into navigating the complexities of your new reality. As the baby's father remains distant, it's your partner, Sonny Carisi, who steps up in ways you couldn't dream of. You find yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, including the unexpected feelings of slowly falling in love with your partner. Pairings: Sonny Carisi/Reader, Rafael Barba/Reader. Chapters: Chapter 1: My Sacrifice. Chapter 2: Fear.

[cissyenthusiast010155]

A Day at the Zoo ~Olivia Benson x Rafael Barba (Barson)

Summary: Olivia and Rafael take Noah on a trip to the zoo for the day. Things however do not go as planned…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, blood, violent animals, blood loss, hospitals, happy ending.

Enjoy (;

Something had gone terribly wrong. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Olivia and Rafael were supposed to take Noah to the zoo for a fun Saturday.

He had been so excited, wanting to see every animal the place had to offer. Olivia really only got to see her son on breaks when she came home from work. She had been met with a tight gripped hug from Noah, followed by a firm handhold as he eagerly guided her into their home. Rafael had become the second most adored person in Noah’s eyes. They had planned to go to the zoo together that next Saturday, as the zoo had a new alligator exhibit that Noah was wired to see. But that had gone so far south so quickly.

At first, Olivia registered the panicked guests. There were looks of shock, fear, and panic surrounding her. Everyone was running off to the right, running down the designated path or seeking refuge in the zoo shops and kiosks. Her gaze flitted to Rafael who looked just as confused and worried. She quickly grabbed Noah and pulled him behind her as she scanned the horizon for what everyone was running for, as Rafael attempted to cover her with himself. She started slowly taking steps back, before turning around and checking on Noah swiftly. Rafael came up in between the two, crouching down to Noah’s level.

“Follow me, stay right behind me, okay Noah?” She promptly told the boy.

Noah shakily nodded, clinging on to Olivia’s hand in a vice grip. Olivia and Rafael proceeded to try and weave through the terrified crowd, each gripping a hand of the terrified boy.

The next moments were a blur. Olivia felt a sharp tug at her right shoulder. Then all of a sudden, she smacked to the ground, her hand’s being ripped from her family. She twisted and turned on the ground as the force pulled her backward. Panic shot through her body, and her first thought was to look towards Noah, the scared boy standing on the pavement, then quickly to Rafael, the love of her life frozen with shock.

“Noah, Go inside! Raf take him!! Run, Inside!!” Olivia screamed.

Olivia watched the boy stand where she had once stood, frozen and shook. She was continually being dragged backwards by the clawing force behind her. Pain buzzed in her entire body, centered in her right shoulder. She closed her eyes shut tight for a split second, attempting to take a deep breath, before shooting them back open and focusing her energy on Noah.

Noah still stood in the same place, seemingly torn between running towards Olivia or running away from the large creature. She could see the glistening tears on the young boy's cheeks.

“Noah, Raf RUN!!” She begged in a shriek.

The danger registered in Rafael’s eyes and he sent Noah as he stood trembling on the path to quickly run off inside the zoo’s shops. After assuring the boy’s safety, Rafael came rushing back to Olivia.

She was now being dragged closer to the closest reptile enclosure, as a searing pain ripped through her body. She began to feel wet along the right side of her body. Her eyes closed themselves from the immense pain she was experiencing once more. She couldn’t help the desperate cries for help that she let out.

She fought back, squirming and pulling against the force. Suddenly, Olivia’s body was twisted in the opposite direction of her right arm. She let out a blood curdling scream as she was flung forward. She tried to catch herself with her arms, but it didn’t seem to work.

Olivia managed to push herself to lay up on her forearm with her back to the floor. She looked back to the alligator enclosure to see the large reptile sinking back into the water with her arm in its jaws. She managed to barely register Rafael running towards her.

She only now registered her own tears, which had run all the way down to her shirt collar. Her tears were honestly the least of her concern, as the throbbing in her right shoulder was now increasing. She finally pulled up the courage to look over to her right, only to find her entire right side soaked in blood and a ghost of where her arm used to be.

Rafael was there at her side but she couldn’t hear a single word of what he was saying. She gulped, not even being able to fully process what was going on, she was still in panic mode. Adrenaline was still coursing through her like a raging bull, even though she only laid against the pavement now bleeding out.

She meant to address her wound, but she found her strength slowly leaving her. The pain began to slowly subside, replaced with a numbness that was a relief to the woman. She laid back against the pavement fully and took a breath, but found that she couldn’t breathe fully. In fact, her body had gone almost entirely numb, she couldn’t do much of anything. She tried to yell. Nothing. She tried to get up. No movement. More tears escaped her eyes, running off the sides of her cheeks and onto the pavement.

It was only when Olivia vaguely heard the distinct sounds of an ambulance that her body let her fully relax. Rafael must have had called 911. Her eyes fluttered shut and she felt at rest as the paramedics rushed up towards her.

The paramedics and the ride to the hospital was a blur as well. She vaguely remembered the paramedics asking her name and other things. But as they tended to her, picked her up and put her in the ambulance, and swiftly drove her to the hospital, Olivia was only able to get out one word.

“Noah…”

The next thing and Olivia’s eyes slowly opened in the white, sterile hospital room. The tube shoved down her throat made it hard to speak, and she was sure that her voice was shot from all the screaming anyway. As her eyes adjusted to the fluorescent lighting, she could make out a small sleeping frame at the side of her bed next to a larger frame sitting nearby. Noah was sitting in a chair, arms and head folded on her hospital bed, asleep in exhaustion, while Rafael sat right next to him, comforting the boy.

It warmed Olivia’s heart and filled her entire body with relief that her boys were safe. She tried to reach towards her brother but she found that she couldn’t. She took a shuttering deep breath and slowly reached across with her weak left arm, gently nudging Noah. The boy shot up awake and quickly looked around the room to see what was wrong. At the sight of the state of Olivia being awake, his eyes widened and he lunged forward toward her in excitement.

“Mama!!”

Rafael shot up put of his semi-conscious state at the noise. Noah hugged his mom, practically on top of her on the hospital bed. Olivia hoarsely chuckled, happily accepting the love and affection from her loving sibling. Rafael gently reached for her hand and caressed it, making Olivia feel all warm.

“We’re okay. We’re all going to be okay.” Olivia whispered, as her boys hugged her.

Fin.

Olivia Benson Masterlist

Rafael Barba Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[theconstellationprincess]

Small Secrets

Fandom: Law and Order: SVU Characters: Barba & Rita (not slash) Summary: Rafael Barba is an age regressor, Rita Calhoun has known since Harvard. How? This is that story.

Rita muttered curses under her breath as she fumbled with her keys. She wasn’t drunk, but she was certainly less coordinated than useful. She grinned triumphantly as she managed to slot the key into the spot and turned the doorknob, stepping into the apartment she and Rafael shared. The light in the entryway wasn’t on, and she squinted as she locked the door behind her.

“Barba! I brought wine,” She called into the hallway, frowning when she received no response. It wasn’t late enough for him to have gone to bed, but he would have told her if he was going out. She shrugged off her coat and took off her shoes, feeling a bit anxious. As she walked further into their apartment, she noticed the light in the kitchen was on, and she could hear noises coming from its general direction. She squinted at the sudden light and walked towards it, intent on questioning Rafael why he didn’t answer her. She didn’t spot him at first, but she heard muffled tears and it led her vision downwards.

Her entire body softened when she saw him, curled up with his back against the cabinets, pressed as far away from the doorway as possible. Her initial scan didn’t reveal any physical injuries, so she sat down near him. Not right next to him, but close enough that he could feel her presence. He was crying, and he looked… small. Not that he was particularly tall any other given day, but his presence always took up a lot of space. He was passionate, and his showmanship leaked off of him, usually. But there, curled up while doing his best to muffle the sobs strong enough to wrack his frame, he was small. Dim.

Rita had comforted an upset Rafael several times before, he gave his heart away easily and had gotten it broken several times since they’d moved in together, but this was different. This wasn’t a breakup, this was about ghosts, and she hasn’t helped him with those before. She hesitated for a few moments, before she began to talk. She talked about the awful lecturer she had that morning, and why she left the party, and when she ran out of things to talk about, she told stories of her childhood and some random fairy tails she remembered reading as a young girl. She talked until Rafael’s eyes were less far away, his tears slower, and his presence just a little bit larger than it had been.

“Rafi?” She said softly, “Are you with me?” Her voice was a little sore, but she told herself it was good practice for court. Rafael’s gaze slid from between the floor and wall of their small kitchen towards her. He blinked at her a few times, another couple tears falling down.

“Ree?” He asked, sniffling. His voice was equally as soft, and a little high-pitched. She smiled gently at him, and held out her hand as an offer, he took it in his. She squeezed his hand slightly and was relieved when he squeezed back. “Not supposed to be here,” Rafael mumbled, slurring a couple of the words together. She wondered if he’d had anything to drink, but Rafael hated drinking to the point where he was emotional, so she somewhat doubted it. His eyes were slightly widened, and shone with innocence.

“Slumber party got canceled,” She explained, scanning him again. He was acting strangely, and she wasn’t sure why. “Are you feeling okay?” She asked, squinting at his face. Rafael nodded, but swallowed nervously.

“I wanna go to bed,” He mumbled, eyelids drooping. Rita frowned but made a mental note to check on him the next morning. She stood up first, and then helped him up, stabilizing him when he wobbled. She walked him, hand in hand, to his bedroom. He was already in sweats and a t-shirt, so she guided him straight towards his bed. He got in, and reached with practiced ease behind his pillow, pulling out a clearly well-loved stuffed shark. She looked away when he gave it a hug, feeling like an intruder. His desk light was on, and she went over to turn it off, but stopped when she heard a soft noise of protest.

“Do you want the light on?” She asked, tilting her head. Thinking back on it, every time she’d walked in on him sleeping, the desk lamp had been on. Rafael nodded his head silently, looking embarrassed. She left the lamp alone, instead stepping towards his bed. She pressed a quick kiss to his forehead and quickly made her exit, an embarrassed blush rising to her cheeks that remained even as she laid in her own bed after getting ready. Rafael was going to murder her for daring to kiss his forehead, but that was alright, since she was planning on killing him for scaring her so badly. Rita fell asleep to the image of Rafael in bed, shark plush tucked close to his chest, playing in her head.

-

Rita groaned as her alarm went off the next morning, slapping at it until the infernal noise shut off. She huffed, laying in bed for a couple of minutes before shucking off her covers and getting ready for the day. Rafael’s bedroom door was open, but the room was void of the man in question. She strained her ears, listening to the sound of movement in the kitchen, and smirked. She was going to make him pay for the heart attack he gave him the previous night. Rita marched to the kitchen, leaning in the doorway until Rafael stood around and noticed her, jumping. She laughed at his betrayed look, before composing herself.

“We need to talk,” She told him, narrowing her eyes when he avoided eye contact with her, his shoulders raising. “I’m not mad about last night,” She continued, grinning internally when his eyes flicked up to meet hers for a moment before moving away again, “I just have some questions.”

“Of course,” He replied weakly, “I’m really sorry-”

“How long have you been having panic attacks?” Rita asked with a frown, “And why didn’t you tell me about them?” She tacked on, staring at him intently. Rafael stayed silent for a few moments, and then pushed past her position in the doorway to sit on the couch, she followed after him, but stayed standing.

“Since I was a kid,” He answered ruefully, a sad smile on his face. “And I don’t have them often, so it never crossed my mind.” Internally, Rafael was glad that Rita was asking about that instead of anything else that happened. His memory was a bit fuzzy, but he had a decent recollection of the events that had transpired the previous night. Rita was frowning at him, so he tried to listen to what she was saying.

“Last night,” Rita began, pausing for a moment when she saw him flinch, but pushing on, “You were acting… different. Why?” Rita saw no point in dancing around the question like Rafael clearly wanted her too, she would be blunt, and if he wanted to lie he could, but she doubted he would.

“Sometimes I feel like a kid,” Rafael blurted out. Rita blinked at him, but he paid her no mind, continuing on. “Not like in a fun way, but when I’m upset or scared I just- it’s like I’m a kid again and everything is magnified and terrifying. And I really feel like a kid, to my brain I am a kid, and I try really hard to not do that but sometimes it happens and I can’t- I can’t control it when I’m like that.” Rita took a few moments to process everything, nodding to herself as she considered his words.

“Okay,” Rita responded, mostly to herself. “Okay.” She repeated, nodding at Rafael. “When you feel like a kid, what helps?” Rafael stared blankly at her, she stared back until he looked away, a blush rising to his cheeks. He muttered something, eyes flicking towards her, she narrowed her eyes, and he repeated himself, louder.

“I have Finn,” Rafael repeated, still quietly. His blush deepened as Rita tried to figure out what he was talking about. She grinned when it clicked.

“The shark?” She asked, just to make sure. Rafael nodded, ducking his head to try and hide his blush. “That’s a good start, anything else?” She could see him debating with himself, and kept quiet as he tried to figure out what he was going to say.

“I liked it, last night, when you were talking. It was less awful with you there.” He admitted, and before the moment could get too soft, he added, “Especially the forehead kiss,” cheekily. It was Rita’s turn to blush now, and she swatted at his arm as they both laughed.

“It’s a start,” Rita concluded, “But I want you to know that I still love you, as my best friend, regardless.” She looked at him earnestly, and they shared a soft smile. “And that I would love to see this baby Rafa again, he was very sweet.” She finished, laughing as Rafael grew embarrassed once again. “He was!” She insisted as Rafael shook his head, “Just a sweet little boy with his shark stuffy.”

-

Later that same day, Rafael would arrive back from his classes and find a folded blanket in his room. It was a deep blue with a star pattern on it, and incredibly soft. There was a note that read, “Thought this might help too”, in Rita’s handwriting attached to the top of it. Rafael carefully placed the note on his desk and wrapped himself in the blanket, his whole body relaxing as he did so. It was the perfect size for him to cocoon himself in, and he made a mental reminder to buy Rita a thank you gift as he flopped onto his bed, intent on just being cozy for a little while.