#ratthi my human friend

[murderbot-moodboard]

There's a part of Network Effect that lives in my head rent-free, and I never see anyone else talking about it, so I'm gonna drop it right here:

I just think it's really touching how Murderbot, who in the past has often seen displays of strong emotion as either extremely uncomfortable or an actual threat/risk to safety, experiences an impulse to run to Ratthi when hearing him in distress.

I love Murderbot having a favorite human and treating him like a safety blanket. Like, everything is going to shit towards the end of System Collapse, but as long as Ratthi is okay, everything else will be okay. The shuttle can leave without everyone else if Ratthi is on it.

[murderbot-moodboard]

I was already headcanoning a convo between Murderbot and Ratthi that sounded a lot like this, so when the original meme (in this post) popped up on my dash, I had to make a TMBD edit of it.

(The original meme says "my therapist," and while Bharadwaj would be the canon equivalent, I thought this wording sounded more like something Ratthi would say. Also I suspect this convo happens after Bharadwaj has had several more subtly-worded conversations with MB to get it to gradually come around to this perspective, lol.)

[riseandfallofsecunit]

It would have been more funny if I hadn’t been leaking all over the deck.

[fingolfinwiththesteelchair]

Murderbot: This is my favorite human, Dr. Mensah. She can go wherever she wants and do whatever she wants

Also Murderbot: This is my best friend, Dr. Ratthi. He has to stay in the shuttle. Unless I'm breaking and entering, in which case he's specifically invited

[murderbot-moodboard]

This is so fucking Ratthi-coded and no I am Not Okay thanks for asking

things to say to bugs when science finally unlocks the secrets of human-bug communication:

im not hurting you i am taking you to a safe place

do you eat weird crumbs cause i found some im willing to share

you can bite me if you want but id rather be no-bite friends

i like your big colorful eyes, very stylish

please dont crawl into my sleeves

(sings a duet with a cricket)

[singlecrow]

I Have Reread Seven Murderbot Books In A Small Number Of Days, and Am Now Completely Insane About The Following Non-Exhaustive List Of Things (in no order)--

let's start with the fact the first book is almost ENTIRELY a letter from Murderbot to Mensah. it's 40,000 words. Murderbot, you are an emotionless robot for SURE.

Pin-Lee. Just in general. no, also, the main character of Sanctuary Moon is also a lawyer with increasingly bizarre problems. hello. (why did they take a LAWYER on a planetary survey??)

Amena tells ART and Murderbot, in case they didn't know, that they're having a baby. They didn't know.

AMENA. sixteen years old and whiny teenager who isn't like her annoying genius family who don't understand her NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. spends rest of book being brave and competent and mighty. whatever.

Amena's little sister! I wish we had a name for her but I like Murderbot calling her Small Human, also it shows her the video she wants to see but scrubs out all the gore and violence (it doesn't care though humans are stupid)

never wanted fanart of anything so much as Murderbot, upon hearing Mensah startled by a journalist and drop a bottle of almond milk, jump over Ratthi's head, run 100m down a corridor, scream at the journalist and catch the bottle of almond milk. (aside: that story breaks my heart. you see her from Murderbot's POV as a leader of men. compassionate and brilliant and a diamond under pressure. and from her own POV she's screaming and she can't stop.)

not that all cops are bastards, only that after a meeting with them Mensah tries to persuade her partners, kids and siblings that they should give up on humanity, move to an uninhabited continent and take up new careers in soil reclamation

ART, when its blorbos die in its shows. The bot equivalent of staring at the wall for seven and a half minutes. HI ART.

"I came for our mutual friend." jesus. It picks her up and saves her and lets her hug it. She tells it fear and anger are the enemy. (and then the crew freak out at the woman who stood down a homicidal killer robot by glaring at it.) (I love Mensah the most. no one knew this.)

Amena's parents are two probably normal people plus a planetary leader and a sentient killer robot

ART finds out Mensah is coming aboard and shouts at everyone to start cleaning (ART you're so neurotic)

ART and its sister Iris

ART and Murderbot are having a baby (I know I did that one already)

Round Here We Save The World Through The Power of Documentary Filmmaking

Mensah.

[thepaper]

One of my favorite scenes in the whole series is after Murder bot has a catastrophic failure after fighting off the sentient killware in Exit Strategy. Part of the reason is obviously the Gurathin exchange

("oh thats gurathin... >:( ... I don't like you")

But the part that really gets me is when its struggling to reboot its memories and stumbles on a protected data package. And when it unravels it, it finds Sanctuary Moon. As soon as it hits play it, everything else begins to come flooding back in.

Just a few chapters ago it had told Mensa that Sanctuary Moon was its favorite because it was the first piece of media that it had seen after hacking its government module. Which was also where we start the series, which is also when Murderbot first began to make personal connections and decisions and decide what it liked and didn't like. And we see over and over again how it comes back to Sanctuary moon as a source of comfort and to shield itself from whats happening to it externally. But I don't know man, the way that Murderbot uses Sanctuary Moon to understands itself and its history, the way that it found comfort in the worst possible situations through a serial, and how that show has become not only a way to remember who it is, but also the things it cares about. After it unlocks Sanctuary Moon its able to recognize Gurathin, it recognizes the smile in Mensa's voice before it even remembers to open its eyes. It knows that Ratthi is its human friend, even if it finds it unlikely.

Maybe it's that Murderbot uses Sanctuary Moon the same way some of us (me, its me) use the Murderbot Diaries. Or maybe its that this is one of the most honest moments we have as Muderbot talks and thinks in the least filtered way we've ever seen. It just makes me tear up every time.

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

[m00nymonster]

It All Sounded Interesting

Written for Tideland's On the Loose prompt!

"I'll give you a tour of the station, Three, and if you want we can go to the planet later," Dr. Ratthi said, clearly excited. This was my first time on Preservation Station, and I wanted to make a good impression.

"Yes, Dr. Ratthi," I said. 1.0 told me I didn't have to answer humans if I didn't want to anymore, but old habits die hard. Dr. Ratthi gave me a sad half smile.

"Ratthi is fine, Three."

"Yes, Ratthi."

It felt strange to address a human so informally. A lot of things were strange now that I was rogue. Freedom in general was strange.

"I--oh. Just a minute." Dr. Ratthi got a vague look on his face, and turned away, subvocalizing as he did so. I looked around. 1.0 had told me that humans here didn't know what SecUnits looked like, so they would think I was an augmented human, but 1.0 had also altered its configuration. Perihelion had offered a similar treatment, and while I had declined a physical alteration (not being SecUnit standard bothered me and I didn't know why) I had altered my code to grow my hair out. Still, it was strange to look at the humans through a fringe of hair.

So many things were strange, now.

I looked around, and realized Dr. Ratthi had walked away, probably assuming I was following along behind. A transport docked and a flood of humans deboarded, chattering amongst themselves, separating me further. I could ping Dr. Ratthi, ask him where he was. I could. If I wanted to.

Decisions were hard, so I was proud of myself when I decided not to follow him and instead let the crowd drift me away.

The main discourse was beautifully decorated, with sculptural shapes hanging from the ceiling and both holo and real plants scattered along the pathways, as well as many comfortable looking chairs and benches. There were several storefronts, but the one that drew me had a large display of media, including almost an entire wall of nonfiction books. 1.0 found my fascination with nonfiction puzzling--it preferred fiction--but it wasn't here.

A human walked up to me.

"We have digital and paper books," he said, his smile making little wrinkles around his eyes. I was confused.

"Paper?"

"Yes! We sell all genres. Are you a history fan?"

I wasn't sure how to answer this, but as I said, old habits die hard.

"I'm not sure."

"Hmm. Well, I have several interesting books if you want to find out! The most popular here of course is the story of Preservation, but I have other polities as well as the Corporate Rim."

It all sounded interesting.

"All of it, please," I said.

"All of it?"

At his expression I hesitated. This seemed like an unusual request. 1.0 had told me to not behave unusually.

"Just Preservation," I amended. The man beamed.

"No, no, always happy to encourage a fellow history enthusiast! Which would you like first?"

Dr. Ratthi found me an hour later, browsing the last of the nonfiction selection. I had already downloaded all the history books the man in the shop had recommended, and now was looking at biographies.

"There you are!" he said, out of breath. "I was looking everywhere for you!"

"Ah, is this your friend? I must say, this young person is a voracious reader! Quite commendable!"

Ar Dr. Ratthi's glance I looked down.

"1.0 gave me a hard currency card," I said meekly. It would not have understood why I actually paid for the books instead of just downloading them, but according to it I also didn't have to justify my decisions to anyone anymore.

Dr. Ratthi smiled. "If you want more I'll cover it," he said. The shopkeeper smiled widely.

Later, when I'd left with as much as Dr. Ratthi and my hard currency card could afford, Dr. Ratthi laughed.

"I'll say this, SecUnits certainly aren't predictable. Set you loose and you buy half the bookstore!"

I wasn't sure what to say to this, so I didn't. It was nice.

[imitationgame77]

Ratthi is Murderbot's human friend but...

The only tag I can access on Ratthi is a partial that says my human friend.

[Exit Strategy]

Thiago had said he felt like he should apologize and talk to me more about it. Ratthi had said, ��I think you should let it go for a while, at least until we get ourselves out of this situation. SecUnit is a very private person, it doesn’t like to discuss its feelings.” This is why Ratthi is my friend.

[Network Effect]

Ratthi is a lovable guy, somehow strongly associated with the phrase "For fu*k's sake, Ratthi!", first uttered by Pin-Lee in All Systems Red. He seems naturally accident-prone, but is a competent biologist, loved by everyone. He was quick to accept Murderbot's humanity, getting indignant about how SecUnits are treated, and was sensitive to MB's social anxiety.

He is everyone's friend, and even MB finds it easy to talk to him and ask for assistance, as long as it is not something dangerous.

Ratthi was the one who was quick at picking up something between MB and ART, and ask that directly - "So, you have a relationship with this transport".

And yet, when I think about who the most important friends in MB's life are, he comes the 3rd at the highest, after Mensah and ART. And I wondered why - apart from his screen time.

My conclusion is this - Ratthi is very nice and sensitive to MB's needs, but he seldom brings MB out of its comfort zone. He did try to talk to MB about its emotions in ASR, and he did ask about its relationship with ART in NE. But he did not push it much.

Mensah and ART both pushed and challenged MB, and brought it out of its comfort zone. Made it question itself. Made it experience something it was reluctant to try. But also, importantly, they were there to have its back. Ultimately helping MB grow as an independent being.

Additionally, being out of comfort zone results in physiologically and psychologically heightened state known as arousal in psychological term. When you experience it with someone who is there for you, you are more likely to develop positive attachement for this person. (known and "misattribution of arousal")

I have no doubt that Ratthi will be there for MB if it needs his help, but I've got the feeling that Ratthi is too nice to push it out of its comfort zone.

[mayone]

せっかくだしシステム・クラッシュを読んでるときの感想を転記するやつをやりますが、本編引用の原語箇所を探してくるのがむずいので日本語本文の引用のまんまのやつをやります

I'd like to do a post about my impressions of system collapse, but it's hard to find the quotes in the original language, so I'll just use the quotes as they are in the Japanese version of the book.

🚀

>ARTにとってアイリスは、弊機にとってのラッティのような存在です（Iris is to ART what Ratthi is to me.)

それは…だいぶ…ラッティのことが…大事だね？ ARTが比���的過激に乗組員のことだいじだいじしとるからそういう感じがするのかもね

That's... pretty... important... for Ratthi, isn't it? Maybe it feels that way because ART is relatively radical in taking care of its crew.

🚀

ふーん内訳の明記されない大声ね。睡眠時間中の。ふーん…と思っていたらやはりそういうので、フフ！と思ったし、フフ！という顔をしました

Hmmm...loud voices with no breakdown.During sleeping hours.Hmmm... and then I thought, still that's what it is, so ☺!I thought, and then I made a face like that.

🚀

うわっARTからアイリスの二人称「きみ」なんだ…いいな…めっちゃいい…素だとそうなんだ…

Wow, from ART, Iris's second person is "きみ(kimi)"... that's nice... very nice... that's how it is in its bare form...

Have I already talked about the nuances of the second person "きみ"？

Like talking to a friendly, equal partner?Like talking to a good friend in a slightly pretentious way?Like there's a little bit of respect?A sense of familiarity?

It's like something a superior would use for something lower in rank... or at least not appear in honorific form?

If a machine-like being uses this second personfor human, it's like I know that oh it was created to at least be able to interact with humans on an equal footing.

Yes, the second person used by SecUnit for Miki.Oh... And it is also the second person used by Miki for SecUnit. Ah, “きみ” is what Ratthi uses for SecUnit! Familiarity!

By the way, what did you call ART and SecUnit respectively? ART→SecUnit「おまえ」 (Basically, a word used from a superior to a inferior, arrogant, rude, or a warm call to arms used for a close companion or a good-natured friend)(!) SecUnit→ART「あなた」 (Pretty flat language, a bit formal? Since this is the default second person in SecUnit, it is also used for Ratthi and Dr. mensah. It can be used anywhere and by anyone, but it is a curious word that has the nuance of “partner” especially when used to refer to someone emotionally close to. In English, it is “you” 99.9% of the time, but in the remaining 0.1% of the time, it is used as “dear,” “darling,” or “sweet”… It is strange when I look at it again.) Well, there's no end to the number of ways to use “you” as a second person, it's inaccurate, and since it's the flattest and most common second person (according to various theories), it probably doesn't mean that much… but it's interesting, isn't it? えっ嘘みたいに長くなった。いったん切ります。 Oh what a joke, it's been so long. I'll cut it off once. 👋🚀

[murderbot-moodboard]

My working theory/headcanon is that Ratthi is both a "trouble magnet" and also the type to lose spatial awareness and trip over his own feet in an emergency (and maybe whenever he gets distracted); Murderbot knows this, but likes Ratthi well enough to bypass irritation and go straight to "this human must be protected from himself at all costs."

I don't have conclusive evidence, just a few data points.

All Systems Red:

Exit Strategy:

Network Effect:

System Collapse:

I think maybe "great at finding dangerous shit" is code for "most likely member of the group to somehow walk straight into acid mud or whatever out there could possibly endanger him," lol.

I love that from the beginning Murderbot assigned Ratthi 'designated wait in the shuttle person.' MB took one look at him and was like "this one will cause trouble if let out of the shuttle" and that assessment stayed the same all the war through System Collapse

[blessphemy]

@comment-bingo get me on that Blackout Prize List!!

These are all AO3 fics I commented on because.... I like fics. What about it. Perhaps on my next bingo card I'll remember to comment on some fanart and fanvids...

List of what I commented on under the cut! Because I'm a nerd.

Action/Adventure: Slapdash Neural Wiring by potatoturnipbean. This fic is part 2 of a series, but you can start by reading this one no problem. (That's what I did.) Featuring original construct characters set in the Murderbot Diaries universe, amazing heist fiction, drama, emotional turmoil, cool scifi gadgets, and line after line of hilarious, snappy prose. Do you want to be mercilessly punched in the emotions while laughing at the same time? Have you been craving a book that's exactly like Murderbot in tone and setting, but a littttle bit different? Do you want something gripping and fun and affecting? This fic is incredible and I'll tell anyone who listens. For free. Pleaes read Slapdash Neural Wiring it's an amazing work that needs love.

Poetry/Filk: Poetry installation: Untitled ("my friend always chooses the media") by borth. Very cool stuff. You have to actually read it to appreciate it I think... it's difficult to describe why I like it. In-universe poetry written in a bathroom stall.

Outsider POV: Cinema Verite by BoldlyNo. BoldyNo does it again with sensitive writing that explores canon and characters from various angles, this time it's Ratthi's perspective of creating The Video in System Collapse. Very good. Emotions.

Fave Trope: Road Trip For Science by Thirteen Primes. I don't know what my Fave Trope is, but I love Road Trips, and this fic has got a road trip. The author was inspired by a scene that came to them in a dream. There's something charming about this fic that is difficult to put my finger on. Featuring Mensah who'd done trucking to pay for school when she was younger, and Murderbot, driving a truck through a planet recently opening up to outside trade and which is being courted by corporate rim.

An Author You've Never Read: An Audacious Undertaking, Even to God by lumpy_space_princess. Featuring SecUnit 3, who is desperate to restore and re-upload the consciousnesses of SecUnits 1 and 2. Experience emotions from this fic or your money back. This fic is a multichapter and still updating!

Respond To Other Comment: On Constructs And Cats by ForestWren. Murderbot finds a kitten. What more do you want? It's exactly what you want.

Original Character: Happy Birthday by Jewels9162. Part of a prolific series about rogue Barish-Estranza units and their human handler. Bit of a nice slice-of-life here. About friends and birthdays.

Character Study: Sense of Belonging by ArtemisTheHuntress. Listen. I don't care what plans Martha Wells herself has for SecUnit Three. This fic is what truly happens with it in my heart after the events of System Collapse. It's such a good character study, about finding yourself in the context of a new strange social scene, about grieving what you've lost, about making a positive difference in the world using your specific skills and interests. So good.

Multi-Chapter: Slivers of Existence by musicofthespheres. A collection of loosely-connected ficlets. About Murderbot. It's very nice, okay. A bunch of pleasant scenes you can sip tea over as a pick-me-up. Enjoyable.

Long Fic (5k+ words): Family Portrait by ramshackle_fey. Are you ready to experience emotions about Murderbot and The Mensah Kids? Prepare yourself. Gird your heart.

Bharadwaj's Documentary: If You Want To Write by borth. This is a very neat concept. Chapter 1 is Murderbot and Bharadwaj talking to each other about the illiteracy enforced upon Murderbot by the company, and how Murderbot sneakily learned to read, and how its secretly-gained literacy is what allowed it to hack its governor module. Chapter 2 is a meta text exploring themes of literacy and worker control.

Old Favourite: In Another Life by Lick. Frankly it's impossible for me to pick only one favorite fic, so this is just one of many favorites. Frankly anything written by Lick is a favorite. This one is an AU in which Murderbot continued on its adventures for 4 years before returning to reunite with its humans on Preservation. The shifted dynamics with ART, SecUnit 3, and its humans, are a delight.

Free Space: do humans even dream by BWizard. A 4+1, times Mensah experiences nightmares, as noticed through the eyes of the people close to her. :')

Make a Rec Post: This post.

Crack: mining for copper (or ways to annoy your construct friend) by friendoftheJabberwock. Short and silly. Murderbot must do a very important infiltration at a costume party.

Canon Continuation: In Defense Of What I Never Had by Thylacine_Wishes. You ever want to ruminate on the Implications of Murderbot's shitty creation in comparison to ART's state-of-the-art University birthplace? Welcome. We have baby AIs.

Posted/Updated Pre-2023: precious cargo by FiannlyPhoebe babyfic. Fast forward some Years: Iris and Amena generate a human baby.

Fluff: people look east the time is near by BWizard. The secular space X-mas cookie making vibes. Sweet. Cookie decorating.

Hurt/Comfort: Memory Fault by Yellow. Murderbot and ART in the wake of the difficult events of Network Effect... talk it out.

Bot POV: Hints by i_have_loved_the_stars_too_fondly. Technically this is SecUnit POV. But I'm counting it. An exploration of how Amena may have come and done Murderbot's hair, pre-System Collapse. Made me feel a little sad :') I want them to feel connection and careeeeeee please.

Additional Canonized Tag: Third Dorm Mom by BoldlyNo. The canonized tag in question is "#Pansystem University of Mihira and New Tideland." Y'all this fic is AWESOME. If you love slice of life. If you love character and relationship studies. If you want a fic that is alllll about the relationship between Murderbot and Amena. It's this fic. Warm your heart over the coals, go on.

Fanart with <50 Notes: This collection of drawings by paging-possum. It had <50 notes when I reblogged it with commentary tags. You should check out this artist's works if you like Murderbot. Very nice drawings.

Podfic: [Podfic] Cog in the Machine, by FlipSpring by CompassRose and mistingsidekick on AO3. Come ruminate on the nihilistic POV of the Combat SecUnit that Murderbot faced off against in Exit Strategy.

Funny/Silly Tags: a comforting presence by afjakwrites. The tag in question: "#featuring secunit carrying ratthi bridal style." Consider, if you will: what if Murderbot is Objectively Hot.

Crossover: We Provide... Security by Blue_Bees. Very very good very good crossover!!!!! You don't need to know Leverage. Case fic + screw over Corporations time!

[homosekularnost]

Is there really going to be a sequel to fuckboy strategy??? ❤️🎉❤️

after months (?) of waiting to answer this im finally accepting the wip is never making it to ao3 BUT. it can go under keep reading i think

fuckboy strategy the sequel

Ratthi was the first human to acknowledge my drone.  "Oh, SecUnit is watching over you again!" 

He was addressing Gurathin, but still finger-gunned said drone, same as he'd done with the drone I had on him when he noticed it that morning. He added, "That's good! That means you made up?"

He phrased it like a question, because it clearly was a question. Among the humans on Preservation desperate to find out more about my brief and uncomfortable experiment with sex (which included all humans on Preservation, unfortunately), Ratthi was by far the worst at hiding his curiosity. Overse, who had been sitting next to Gurathin when Ratthi approached them, seemed to agree.

"Don't be nosy, Ratthi." She gave him a friendly elbow bump, then scooted so that he could join her on the shared bench. She leaned back, too, and followed his line of sight. "But, oh, that really is SecUnit's drone!"

Gurathin just grunted in acknowledgement, and continued not looking its way.

(I had to say Ratthi was the first human to acknowledge the drone, because Gurathin had noticed it hours ago.) 

Gurathin hadn’t acknowledged it (we were still not exactly talking) but he didn't throw a fit either, and since we were only now entering hour eight post me apologizing for stonewalling him after we had a (yikes) sexual encounter, I considered it a victory. He hadn't done anything interesting so far, which wasn't saying much because he rarely did. The most exciting bit of his day had been occurring just as Ratthi appeared, when Gurathin apologized to Overse for how moody he'd been two cycles prior.

(The whole conversation was painful to watch, and not just because said moodiness directly preceded and indirectly led to me showing up at his door and performing the saddest handjob in modern history. (Well. I couldn't verify that it was the saddest one, but I had done some research post-incident, and it had to be down there.) It turned out that it was an anniversary of a really traumatic event from his time in Corporate Rim, and that he hadn't been sleeping well as a result, and while we all agreed that this was no excuse for how he was towards his coworker, it did make the fact I vanished on him and then convinced him he'd made me feel violated a little worse.

And it was already pretty bad, so the situation was dire.)

Ratthi got invited because everyone liked having Ratthi around. I wondered if he'd get sent away, once they realized he couldn't help himself from snooping.

"I can feel you staring," Gurathin was presently saying.

Overse flicked Ratthi on the back of his head, and he averted his eyes comically. "Sorry!" he said at the ceiling. "It's just that — " He waved the free hand around. "I don't get how?"

"I don't think it gets that either," Gurathin said, same time as Overse said, "God, Ratthi, how many lesbians are you friends with again?"

Well. Mortifying. Ratthi floundered. 

"I mean!" Ratthi said. "That's different."

"Different how?" Overse asked.

"I don’t want to answer that." At least they were finding it funny. "You know I don't think about you guys having sex."

"Now that I do not buy." That was Pin-Lee. I was late to notice her approach, and rushed to withdraw my drone a little. (I got her to concede I was allowed to record things in public, as long as I didn't keep any audio, but she still glared at my drones if she saw them.)

"What's happening?" She was now sitting down in-between Gurathin and Overse. "Our IT guy looks unwell."

"Not much," Overse said. "Ratthi is just erasing the existence of stone tops."

"Oh, talking about the thing with SecUnit?" Pin-Lee did not even hesitate. Gurathin put his face in his hands, and Ratthi made a noise of protest. 

Gurathin said, "I don't think it'll appreciate getting assigned a stone top," and gestured towards my cowering drone.

Pin-Lee narrowed her eyes at it. "It can move, then."

Overse piped up, "Also, no offence, but I feel Pin-Lee's assumption has less to do with what she thinks it gets up to — "

" — and more with her thinking I'm a pillow princess?" Gurathin snorted into his hands.

"I'd find a more gender affirming way of saying it," Pin-Lee said, "But, yes."

I was too busy looking up what half of these terms meant to have an emotional reaction.

#

Pin-Lee pinged me later on in the day, presumably once the group had parted ways. She asked if she could drop by, and I was at a comfortable 94% performance reliability, so I said yes.

She knocked before entering, even though she saw the drone outside, which I assumed was her way of letting me set the pace.

"Come in," I called out.

She pushed the doors open, then closed the doors behind her.

"Hey," she said. "Watching anything good?"

I was watching season 872 of something called the L word. "Not sure." It had popped up when I searched the term bases for stone top.

She snorted. "Fair." Then, “I wanted to apologize.”

That got me to raise an eyebrow. I turned my face her way. "For what?" All I could think of was her glaring at my drones, but she loved doing that.

She exhaled. "The rest of us have known each other for a long time," she said. "So we know what each other is comfortable with. That's why we don't hesitate to make fun of each other for personal affairs." She bit her cheek. "And we should have kept more tact when it comes to you. Sex is insanely personal, even when — " She gestured towards me.

"Even when one is not a poor wounded construct?" I supplied.

She blinked. "Even when one is not a refugee from a corporation that denied it autonomy and privacy." She rolled her eyes. "But whatever. We’ll do better in the future."

I bit my lip. "It sounds like Gurathin should be the offended one." This serial made it seem like pillow princess was something of an insult.

"He's not, though." Pin-Lee snorted. "He's just embarrassed everyone from that survey now thinks he's into choking."

My face did a thing almost immediately. Pin-Lee took a second to process it.

"What,” she said. She seemed to be struggling to control her face. "What.”

I didn't even try to control my face.

"No way.” She cracked up. "SecUnit, you didn't."

I pulled my hood over my head, and said nothing.

“For your first time?!” she said, then seemed to remember her promise. “Sorry. I’m respecting your privacy. Just.” She cracked up again. “First time?!”

I was keeping this hood over my head forever. "I know how not to hurt a human."

"I bet you do." She was wiping at her eyes. "I mean, at least physically, huh?"

I kept tugging my hood closed. "Ouch."

She gave it one last snort. "Well." She said. "Um. I’m leaving now.”

I was safer in my hood, so I said nothing.

“Sorry again,” she called. “See you around.”

I waited until I heard the doors close to stop holding my breath. I also did a quick status report, just for the fun of it.

My performance ability was now at 89%. I put this down as another reason to never talk about sex with anyone, and continued playing my episode.

[shitty-check-please-aus]

I forgot how absolutely instantaneous it is that Murderbot is basically like "Gurathin can fuck off and die, Ratthi is my best friend and Mensah is the best human and also Pin-Lee is the smartest human. Shut up, I don't care about any of them, I just want to watch Sanctuary Moon."

[murderbot-moodboard]

I think this is a big part of why Ratthi is so likeable and comes across as very confident and comfortable with himself. He's open about what he's feeling and thinking, and he's secure enough to admit when he's nervous/scared or when he doesn't know what he's doing. When he filters himself, it's usually out of consideration for others, not because he's afraid of what people will think of him if he's honest. What you see is what you get, so it makes sense that Murderbot would find him easier to trust and more comfortable to be around than average.

learning lately that a lot of confidence is about owning up. like "yeah i'm a little addicted to my phone right now" or "yeah i'm not really over this person yet" or "yeah i still get pretty anxious in crowds" just saying anything at all but then following it up w "but i'm trying to get better" and being super nonchalant and unaffected. so powerful. you would literally be undefeatable in the face of even the most judgmental person. no one can judge you for things you already know about yourself and are trying to improve on. the trick is to know yourself from the inside out, to hold yourself accountable, and to actively improve every day. like that is literally the secret to never feeling like you're at the mercy of somebody else's judgment