#rated m for muppets

[marshiethemoonie]

okay… so uh, this is new, considering i’ve never done stuff like this before, so… let’s do a fan cast, or well, my fan cast, some choices will probably be bias but I DONT CARE, I LOVE EM—

Note: I haven’t been in the muppet fandom for god knows how long, so if this is inaccurate in any way, you’re free to tweak this cast list to your liking, and… this is my opinion, feel free to change up your own cast lists to your liking and preferences! But, without further ado! (And inspired by one twitter post that I don’t want to scurry Twitter for especially since I don’t have it!)

MARSHIE’S (unofficial) MUPPET FANCAST OF ROCKY HORROR PICTURE BECAUSE MUPPETS HAVE CLOGGED THE BRAIN!

Brad & Janet - …Yeah, I’m not casting them as humans, not only because I don’t really like muppet x human stuff that comes up with that, but also the fact that i have a very funny idea for who will be the human choice… so… for them, i would have to go with Piggy & Kermit for these roles, and yes, as Brad & Janet respectively, it’s funny like that! Also I feel like it’ll spawn very funny scenes between them, especially with the… things in there, the very smexy things in there wink wink nudge nudge (even though it is adultery BUT COME ON—)

Dr. Frank N. Furter - I will be honest and say that, I was a biiit tongue tied on who to give this role to, I was going to give it to, shockingly, Floyd, because well, I like the bassman, and I have a bias towards him… but now I’m not so sure, I think the best option, besides Gonzo and Bunsen (I have all three saved for… other stuff). I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Dr. Teeth is a perfect fit for that mad role. I will not explain my reasoning other than the fact that it somehow fits, and I think him doing Sweet Transvestite would be absolutely hot and cool at the same time. Plus he just has… vibes of fitting this role to a T, so that’s why. :]

Riff-Raff - See, I told you I had someone saved for other stuff! Because this is the other stuff I’m talking about! Gonzo will be Riff-Raff, mostly because… that was mostly the popular choice for him besides Frank, and because, y’know, the thing with Magenta— you’ll get to see what I mean in the next section, but, needless to say, it is pretty obvious. (Also, i think a weirdo like Gonzo would take on the role, mayhaps to ‘expand his actorial skills and shine like a burning man in honey!’)

Magenta - Camilia. No debate on that, we can’t have Gonzo be all by his lonesome self and not have his girlfriend, no? Just.. a bit of a change though, I would probably change it to instead of Magenta being Riff-Raff’s sister, like in the original version, Gonzo and Camilia are probably romantically involved in this picture show, either engaged or just. dating is fine, wouldn’t mind any other way though! (Plus Camilla will kick ass in this fancast and i love that idea).

Columbia - Janice. okay let’s just get to the next one—

Eddie - OHOHOHO NOW THIS IS AN INTERESTING CASTING CHOICE! Originally, I was going to give this role to the obvious choice and the one that people answered to the most, that being Animal!… but, because of bias stuff and because I just… didn’t see it (yeah surprisingly, I didn’t fucking see the beast who wears leather jackets sometimes in the role of the only one who dresses like a biker boy), so, I thought of the other option, and while looking through it.. I decided to go with Floyd Pepper! Yeah, him!

Not only do I see it (and honestly, him wearing Eddie’s garb would make me, a Floyd Pepper lover, heart SWOON), but I can see Matt Vogel being an absolute powerhouse while singing ‘Hot Patootie’ as Floyd! Come on, look at his verses in ‘MAYHEM’ and (a bit of, mostly because he sings with a more slower and less chaotic timbre there) ‘We Are One’ and tell me that he cannot be bad at that song, because he couldn’t! Maybe just a bit of strain on the fast talking parts, sure, but I don’t doubt it. There’s also the fact that I also casted Dr. Teeth and Janice into Frank & Columbia and… definitely not for shippy reasons whatsoever, no siree, just ignore that fact and say that i just like them together—

Maybe it’s cause I’m admittedly a very big fan of the bassman, but I love this casting choice, and can see him being an absolute showstopper, even though he’s a minor character (also the mental image of Floyd being chased around by an axe wielding Dr. Teeth is very hilarious to me.)

Scott - insert that one interview of Animal and Floyd and Animal repeats the word ‘Scott!’ at the very beginning—

No, but in all seriousness, this one is hard, especially because I don’t want to seem like I’m casting a principal muppet member as a german bad person! I was originally going to go with Sam, but… y’know, I have him saved elsewhere (lies, he’s in here actually.), And… I came into a pickle, that being that… there are two roles that can fit this very easily, and nicely, and these two are… going to be explained in their own sections.

- Dr Bunsen & Beaker - Yeah, obvious reasoning out of the way, they’re scientists, they can pull off this role, and, like Jacob & Robert Marley in the Muppets Christmas Carol, will be a double pack… or maybe Bunsen/Beaker looking for their lost… friend(?), Bunsen/Beaker, whatever the case, it’ll be interesting, also rather funny if it’s a double pack, mayhaps Bunsen does more of the smarter moments while Beaker does more of Scott’s absentminded moments (something to do with Scott’s blindness? My brain is trying to rack it while not sounding ableist.). So, yeah, this is my first option… my second option… is very american

- Sam The Eagle - Yeah, this is just for the funny, but also the irony of a very patriotic eagle playing a german bound doctor is not lost on me, so… it’ll be hilarious, I won’t have him replicate the german accent though, as I just… want him to act the same patriotic way, so… yeah!

Now, why did I lump these two together, well… easy! I decided to work around the.. issue, because even though Muppets is decidedly mature, I don’t feel like I’m too educated on… that whole thing, to really portray the muppets as such, that and.. even though they’re actors, I rather not portray them as such and decided to not do so. So, here’s my idea: Bunsen & Beaker/Sam… is played by a human! Muppet men to be exact but just… an actual human!

Think about it, you come into this mansion, and you see the only glimpses of hope, and it’s a human, a constant reminder of how there is still hope for Kermit and Piggy to escape and be helped by someone, but then, the big reveal happens, Dr. Teeth storms on over to the human, and decloaks them! And that is when either Bunsen+Beaker or Sam is revealed to the audience! Probably a custom audience prompt will be used as well, now that I think about it— But, yeah, this is my premium choice for the human character! As for who would be the exact person playing the human? Uh… I havent thought of it, maybe Tim Curry? But I don’t know… yet.

Criminologist - Statler and Waldorf, come on! It’s hilarious! Plus… I like Statler and Waldorf having a more major role, and this was the option, do you think they’ll break the wall more often to heckle at the tale they’re telling? Or perhaps they heckle each other? Because it will be funny if they do so.

…I think that’s all! We got our main cast members down, and I got myself some cool ass imaginary scenes to make up for my head! I think now it’s time to— oh wait.

ROCKY HORROR - Okay, okay, so, this one is a bit more of a brain racker for me, mostly because I was tied between either making this a human or a muppet, but eventually, I settled on three choices, all of which are muppets, especially since the human is replaced with y’know who already, so, without a further ado!

- Animal - Hahahahha, do you think it’ll be funny if I made this sad in someway? Good because I will… so, what if I made Animal not just the ‘perfect man’, but also someone who was tangentially tied towards Frank, Columbia, &/or Eddie, considering they’re all casted as Electric Mayhem members. Maybe Animal was a past friend of either or maybe even all of those three members, and something happened and Animal died, can be silly, can be sad and dark, but whatever the case, it had caused everyone to try to not only make the perfect man, but also to bring their old friend back, but somewhere along the way, their whole morals were lost and well.. that’s how they ended up. (Probably caused some resentment against the Electric Mayhem in this play as a result, considering that he was grown to be a y’know what toy… or I can just rewrite that purpose into something else, like wanting to bring some epic jams to the whole entire castle or something!) Or just… the general reason of him being ‘the perfect man’ is more than enough! I don’t know! Otherwise, the casting for that video from that Rocky Horror Muppets video inspired me.

- Link Hogthrob - Don’t think I need to explain this one.

- Sweetums- Okay, okay, so, what if the perfect man was this utter buffoon and monstrous, it would be peak comedy.

Alright, and that’s really all for casting! Now, before I go with my extra HCs regarding this play, let’s go over the minor characters quickly.

The Usherette - Walter? Has to be, now, it could be Camilia, I’m not denying that, but come on, Usherette’s whole gimmick is loving B-movies, somewhat like what Walter’s main gimmick is.

Ralph & Betty - Rowlf and Annie Sue. Perfect parallels, bonus points for Piggy thinking Annie Sue is stealing her role as Janet, and Kermit has to break the fourth wall to hurriedly clarify that this wasn’t the case and that he won’t be on the receiving end of an actual karate chop from Piggy

Transylvanias - Basically everyone I haven’t mentioned, maybe even Constantine can make an appearance, but I’ll touch more on that in the HCs section.

Before you ask, no, i’ll not be making one for Shock Treatment, unless people really want me to, but with that said, that’s all for the fan casts! Now, onto some light trivia on what I would love to see in this hypothetical movie!

- Electric Mayhem covers of all of the songs, all throughout, even when the Electric Mayhem is going down one by one and is supposed to be dead, they won’t hesitate to provide the backing tracks. Bonus points if you can see them in the back, and/or if someone points out that someone is supposed to be dead, and the electric mayhem just comes up with the most batshit excuse.

- “Aren’t you guys supposed to be dead?!”

- “Yeah, man. But the boogie of these songs are magicilious!”

- Small bits of backstage or behind the curtains, one of which is in which Animal has to be comforted by Floyd when Animal began almost sobbing when Floyd was (fake) killed (or almost bulldozing Teeth because of that…)

- Other behind the curtain bits are Kermit holding back Ms. Piggy after a scene, or Fozzie trying to get a major role in the picture show and just being shut down by the criminologists.

- No one knew what kind of costumes the others would be wearing, they just knew their characters, and scripts, and were given their own costumes and was told by someone (Kermit and maaaybe Deadly) to keep them a surprise from the others.

- Cue the Electric Mayhem almost gawking at the sight of Dr. Teeth doing drag.

- But seriously everyone fucking applauded Deadly for the fashion work after the stage show i just know it

- Constantine will be a very recurring cameo, sneaking onto the show to take over the muppets once again and hoping to be more than just a weakling to the eyes of the audience (and the muppets), but just ends up vibing along to the song, by then the moment he is kicked out, he actually wants back in, but insists it’s only for world domination of the play.

- Same for Lips & Zoot, don’t ask why, but I like the idea that considering they’re the only two of the EM that don’t get major roles, that they sometimes just intrude in and just improvise or observe the actions of the others.

- In general though, besides the recurring cameos, i would love to have different cameos from even the original or even the remake Rocky Horror shows, or just random cameos in general!

- AUDIENCE PROMPTS!! Only some of them will be changed to fit more of the adult yet kid friendly sort of style, like whenever Piggy is shown, it won’t be the s-word, it’ll be something like ‘PIG!’, it goes to the point that Floyd is just. heard on the right side of your ear screaming that word whenever Piggy is shown or even speaks, and Kermit has to stop her from literally throat chopping the bassman.

- LOTS of cultural and meta references with this as well, we have behind the curtain segments for this reason.

- Still going to keep a lot of the mature themes for the muppets, it’s what Jim Henson would’ve wanted… maybe not the nazi parts though or the rapey parts or the transphobic parts, I feel uncomfortable with that.

Aaand that’s all! If you have any suggestions, please feel free to reblog and share your own opinions! See ya!

[ivymarquis]

The Neighbor

Hello friends I fucked off for a month but I’m back and I bring Price smut as an apology for my absence. @sky-is-the-limit’s “Im here to do what your boyfriend cant” prompt has lived in my brain rent free ecer since I read it and while I didn’t follow it verbatim, I did keep in spirit with the theme :)

Also womp I was gone for the Price challenge by @glitterypirateduck but this actually checks off a couple of the prompt options (first time being intimate, a confession/secret is discovered/revealed) so I’m submitting it.

There are a lot of tags. Make sure you read them.

Pairing| John Price x Reader Rating| M Word Count| 4.8k Kinks/Content/Warnings| Accidental voyuerism by virtue of living in an apartment, the reader has a dogshit boyfriend at the beginning of the fic (there is no cheating), slut shaming (from the dogshit boyfriend), these two idiots are down bad for each other, sex toys, oral (F!receiving), unprotected PiV, gratuitous squirting because I’m me, not really heavy on BDSM elements but mentions of the following: bondage/restraints (John uses his hands, nothing crazy), something akin to subspace from how good the nut is, aftercare, John is a prick to the now-ex, very brief angst due to a quick misunderstanding, very vaguely implied somnophilia, rampant abuse of italics. Lemme know if I missed anything.

His neighbor is clearly used to Price being deployed.

She’s a sweet thing, really, and on the whole isn’t that disagreeable of a neighbor.

He just has one problem with her (not even her, really) that is a thorn in his fucking side- her boyfriend.

The boyfriend was not an issue when they first met- wasn’t in the picture at all.

And no John most assuredly hasn’t had it out for the guy since Day 1. The fact that John had gathered himself up to ask his pretty neighbor out when he came back from his latest mission, only to find out about the new boyfriend, does not color his impression of the other man. He’s grown and this is not the first time his advances have been turned away for whatever reason.

But there are, to his knowledge, no true redeeming qualities about the man and he is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

He catches bits and pieces through the walls. The boyfriend is not attentive, caring, or sweet to her. She is treated as a guest in her own home, and twice he’s heard bellowing shouts that had Price at the door with his fist banging against it- both to shut him up and make it exceptionally well known that if the boyfriend thinks intimidating a woman is going to fly, that Price will not hesitate to kick the door in.

The most appalling part of it all is that John has a front row seat to just how atrocious he is in bed.

For the life of him John does not understand. It’s not even like the lad’s a good lay.

He’s heard many stories of women tolerating absolutely atrocious behavior from the muppets they were with because he knew how to make them see stars.

That is exceptionally not the case here. And John is rapidly finding his patience wearing thin at continually being subjugated to his pathetic performance.

So what the hell is it about the boyfriend that keeps his neighbor so enamored with him?

John stares at the ceiling, watching the blades of the fan turn as he tries to tune out the thumping of the headboard against the wall.

He thinks that if the man was just a bad lay and completely incapable of getting her anywhere, that would be one thing and John would continue to be frustrated but ultimately understand. But it’s the way he seems to actively ruin it anytime she has the audacity to enjoy having sex with him that truly grates on John’s nerves.

It’s not often, but even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then. The thumping of the headboard is accompanied by her sweet voice moaning lowly in short staccato notes as the boyfriend appears to finally be doing something right.

The thumping comes to a halt, and John groans in frustration.

“Why’d you stop?” He can hear his pretty neighbor lament through the thin walls.

“Why the fuck are you being so loud? Trying to give the neighbor a show?”

John squints his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. The fucking muppet can’t do anything right.

If the neighbor was his, John wouldn’t give a fuck who heard. Let all the neighbors know that he could fuck the sense clear out of her pretty little head. John could show the muppet what loud is.

“No! I’m not trying to do anything- it just felt good,” she defends herself.

“Well, be quieter about it, no one needs to hear that. You sound like a whore,” the muppet snaps at her irritably, and John is nearly at his fucking limit when the god damn headboard starts to thump against the wall again.

“Get out.”

Oh.

John is impressed- pleasure and pride coursing through him as his sweet neighbor stands up for herself rather than letting that ungrateful swine continue to berate her.

Good fucking girl.

“What did you just say?” The thumping stops.

“You don’t get to call me names. Get off of me and get out.”

For all his sins, it seems even the muppet has a line he’s not willing to cross.

There’s a shifting as he presumably pulls out and gets off the bed- the words are muffled but the tone is clear. The muppet isn’t above laying into her verbally though consent is (smartly) a line he won’t toe.

And good thinking on his part- John would probably tear through the drywall and turn him into a chew toy had that conversation gone in any other direction.

The door slams loudly, announcing the boyfriend’s departure.

John can’t help but keep his attention on his neighbor to see what her reaction is going to be. It is taking every ounce of self control he has to not follow the boyfriend and wring his neck in the parking lot.

There’s no conventional guide for how to address this situation with your neighbor. ‘Hello, I’ve fancied you for quite some time and that ungrateful prick somehow swept you up before I got the nerve to ask you out. I've had to hear you have the most lackluster sex ever for the past several months, and equal parts want to check in on how you’re doing emotionally after his latest stunt, and also want to bend you over and pin you to the mattress until you’re squealing. May I come in?’

He can’t say he is too surprised to hear things slamming about in the apartment- his pretty neighbor sounding more pissed off than upset, catching snippets of “Who the fuck does he think he is, talking to me like that” and “Motherfucker couldn’t find my clit with a map and a headlamp but can find the audacity to call me names-”

Okay, John has to fight back the urge to laugh at that last one lest she hear him. She’s quite the viper when (finally) provoked, and it just endears her more to him.

She doesn’t appear particularly distraught, the slamming and huffing and muttering concluding with her tossing herself on the bed.

It’s a very common occurrence that after the neighbor’s rendezvous with her lazy boyfriend, John is treated to a show where she finishes herself off with her toys.

The boyfriend, like many inadequate men, is threatened by them and John has heard the snide remarks.

Hilarious, he finds it, that a man incapable of getting her off is so adamant that she gets rid of them.

She hasn’t listened, clearly, as the low sound of her vibrator can be heard through the wall.

John is soon graced with the sound of her panting moans. His cock stiffens in interest at her voice, which is a frequent occurrence. She makes such pretty noises, mewling and whimpering as she works herself up.

Tonight is a whirlwind of emotions for his pretty neighbor, and at the end of the day her no-good boyfriend left her high and dry.

John will gladly enjoy the consequences of the boyfriend’s actions, one hand wrapping around his cock and beginning to stroke in time with her whines.

What he wouldn’t give for a chance to make her see stars. He’d be so good to her.

The reality of his job makes dating a logistical nightmare, part of what stayed his hand for so long.

He’s not blind. His neighbor is kind and sweet with a killer smile and wandering eyes. He’s caught her more than once ogling him when he’s returned home in uniform, or more nondescript tactical clothing.

Feeling her gaze on him always makes him puff up with pride, enjoying holding her attention no matter how fleeting. If he takes his time after a run and makes a point to pull the hem of his shirt up to wipe at his brow where she can see it, that’s his business.

So John thinks he’s dreaming when he hears that lovely voice whimper his name from the other side of the wall.

He stiffens, quietly waiting to see if he hears it again.

“John- Oh, fuck- please,” is all he needs to hear before he’s well and truly lost any semblance of patience.

Only having the presence of mind to dress himself enough to not warrant any errant looks from the other neighbors, he is at her door in a second.

It’s only after he knocks that he realizes he may well have killed whatever momentum she’s built for herself- given her muttering as she approaches the door- but he fully intends to make up for the stolen release.

She opens the door without looking through the peephole, obviously expecting it to be the ex based on the vitriol poised to spill at John’s chest, approximately eye level with where the (hopefully ex) boyfriend would be.

Once again he has to stifle a laugh, finding her a comical vision when the anger on her face melts away as her eyes flick up to his face with the realization that it is him at the door and not the object of her ire.

“What are you doing here, John?” Christ, he’s always been a sucker for pretty doe eyes. If he held even an ounce less of restraint he’d be mounting her right here for everyone to see.

“I’m here to do what your sorry excuse of a boyfriend can’t.”

Even as he reaches out to pull her in for a kiss, he’s watching her body language- gauging if she stiffens or shifts away.

She doesn’t.

In fact, her arms loop behind him and pull him closer, tugging on his hair and his shirt.

John’s not wasting any more time than he already has, walking her backwards into the apartment and shutting the door with his foot before reaching back to lock it- he’s got no desire for any interruptions from wayward former boyfriends.

They separate for a moment as she paws at the hem of his shirt, clearly wanting it off of him. John is all too happy to oblige, preening under her attention. He’s always had the stockier build of a man who’s fitness came from utility in the field, opposed to the hard defined abs of someone who spends most of their time in the gym.

It’s cute, the way she has to pry her eyes up to his face- clearly liking what she sees and flustered by the fact that John can see her staring.

“I broke up with him,” she clarifies.

“Good,” is his simplistic response, although if John’s being honest with himself he doesn’t really care about the finer details. The little prick never deserved to have her and John finally has his chance to prove himself worthy.

“The bedroom’s this way,” she prompts between kisses.

Their clothes are peeled off in turns as they stumble towards the room. The layout is inverted to John’s own flat nextdoor, so despite having never stepped foot inside before he guides her to keep her from crashing into something behind her.

By the time they are collapsing against her bed, they’re stripped of everything except a scant thong on her and his own boxers.

She’s just so delightfully soft in his grip, John can’t keep his hands or his mouth off of her.

The feeling is reciprocated as she pushes up off the bed to grind against him. As much as he’s relishing in them dry humping and making out like teenagers, he’s wanted her for so long and now that she’s finally willing and pliant underneath him, he’s itching for a taste of her.

Kissing his way down her body- starting at her jaw, the column of her neck, across her collar bone, down her sternum; latching onto each nipple and teasing them to hardened peaks before continuing his path down.

He’s compelled by the urge to turn her into a chew toy as he reaches her belly, although he stifles that urge and keeps his teeth to himself.

He can’t quite resist giving a small nip as she squirms, clearly excited by the implication of where he’s heading.

There’s a damp spot on her underwear already as he kisses along the waistband while his hands tease with the elastic on either side of her hips.

The sound of her breath hitching in anticipation makes him smirk, attention drifting further south.

The fabric is in his way as he presses a kiss against her clothed cunt, gripping handfuls of her hips to keep her still as she bucks in his grasp.

“Easy, sweetheart- we’ve got all night,” he soothes before moving his attention up one thigh to the backside of her knee.

Those sweet thighs are splayed open for him, giving John unfettered access as he continues to tease.

“When’s this sweet cunt been eaten last, hm?”

He knows he’s heard her give that undeserving muppet head, but can’t recall any reciprocation occuring. There’s not much that can shock John at this point in his life, and he’s willing to roll the dice by dragging up her now-ex because he knows this poor thing hasn’t been eaten until she’s begging him off in ages.

“I couldn’t even begin to tell you,” she answers breathlessly, anticipating having her thighs twitching in his hold.

Out of the corner of his eye, John spies a torn condom wrapper that didn’t quite make it into the bin. Well that keeps him from having to ask two questions, then. Smart girl.

“What a shame,” he tsks lightly, peppering kisses back up and down her thigh.

Deciding that she’s waited long enough and he’s had his fun being a tease, John is quick to remove the scant lace and pull it off of her legs before tossing it to who-knows-where.

The sounds she makes as he makes a meal out of her is music to his ears. Each hitched moan and breathy whimper makes him stiffen in interest.

His attention shifts to focus on her clit, tongue circling the sensitive nub as his hands hold her hips in place.

As focused as he is on what’s right in front of him, it takes a moment for John to realize that she’s stifling her noises. One hand is fisting the sheets beneath her while the other is clamped across her lips.

Well. That simply won’t do.

The ex may have trained and shamed her into silence, but John didn’t make it as a military captain without learning how to break someone else’s bad habits.

He ignores her whimper of protest as he stops, one hand abandoning the softness of her hip in favor of grabbing her wrist and pulling her hand away from her mouth.

“None of that,” he admonishes gently, pressing a kiss to one thigh. “Let me hear you.”

“I-I’m too loud,” she protests and for a split second John sees red.

To his credit, he does not leave her wet and leaking on the bed to go bludgeon her ex to death with a blunt object.

“No such thing, sweetheart,” he soothes before having a thought to tease her. “Who are you worried is going to hear you?” He asks kindly, a shit eating grin as he speaks again, “the neighbor?”

Her wide eyed expression is thoroughly scandalized and John can’t fight the chuckle that escapes him.

He hasn’t released her wrist yet, deciding that it’s time to get back to his meal. If she abandons gripping the sheet with her free hand to cover her mouth again, he simply plans to hold both of her wrists.

It’s tentative at first, still not entirely trusting John at his word that he wants to hear her.

But John is all for positive reinforcement as a motivator, crooking his fingers to stroke that one spot that makes her see stars to encourage more from her.

She’s a quick study, although when she releases the sheet John is watching her like a hawk.

Rather than clasping over her mouth again, John is pleased when her fingers end up burying in his hair.

More than happy to let her guide him, John takes his cues from how she pulls at his hair. The feel of her thighs twitching as she breathes in staccato breaths is all the reward he needs.

“You’re getting close,” he says against her cunt, pointing out the obvious before getting back to work. She’s anxious, he thinks, the closer she gets to her climax. Poor girl doesn’t know what to do with herself with an orgasm she hasn’t had to put all the work into.

“D-don’t stop,” she stammers, rewarded immediately with John redoubling his efforts.

He’s not going to stop. Pretty thing like her deserves nothing less than laying on her back and enjoying getting her cunt eaten out.

“O-oh fuck,” is his only warning before she’s gushing on his face and John is like a kid on Christmas morning.

He doesn’t even know if she realizes she’s squirted, too caught up in the pleasure of her high.

He’s always thought it was hot- now that he knows his pretty neighbor is a squirter he is more than willing to get on his knees and pray to whoever is listening that this isn’t a one time event. He’ll do anything to get her to keep him.

Even as her high fades he doesn’t let up on her, continuing to work his middle and ring finger inside of her. All he wants is to see her cum- wants to see those eyes roll as she squeezes them shut in anticipation.

Despite pulling his face away from her wet pussy, he doesn’t leave her clit unattended for long before his thumb is gently circling in time with the thrusts of his fingers.

Kissing his way back up her body, John can’t help but be pleased as she pulls him in to make out with him. Snatched gasps and bucks of her hips grace his ears as he works her from orgasm to the next, the wet sound of his palm slapping against her.

“John Im gonna cum again,” she whimpers in warning.

He feels like a god with the way she stares up at him reverently, eyes wide and desperate for another climax.

“Come on,” he goads, “Show me- let me see your face when you cum.”

Christ if her leg twitches any harder it’s going to start vibrating, serving to only encourage him.

“O-oh,” she mewls, “God- don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t-“ she’s pleading with him like he wouldn’t sit at her feet if she asked him to.

The bewildered look on her face is darling, and John nearly finishes untouched; he's so wound up it’s not going to take much.

A few choice thoughts keep his own eminent climax at bay and buys him enough breathing room. She bucks and trembles in his hold, a high pitched squeal escaping her as he proves not only can he make her cum twice, but he can make her squirt like a faucet twice.

As soon as she’s starting to come down from her high she’s pulling at him, drawing up her knees to spread her legs in invitation.

“Greedy girl,” he teases as he kisses her- wet fingers abandoning her cunt in favor of manhandling her, wrapping her legs around his waist as he positions himself.

“Please, please, please-“ she begs so prettily for him, pleading for him to do exactly what he’s been fantasizing about for months.

He’s not a small man and mindful of that fact, but she’s well prepped and takes him easily. The desperate whimper that escapes her sears into John’s memory.

The buildup of everything finally gets to him as he wastes no time setting a steady pace.

“That’s it, sweetheart, just like that. Let me hear you,” he encourages as she cants her hips in time with his, whines of pleasure escaping her on each thrust.

“John, please,” she begs, eyebrows furrowing in pleasure as she watches where they’re joined.

“Eyes up here,” he instructs and Christ he almost loses it when her gaze flicks from between their bodies up to his face.

His hands find hers, fingers lacing together as he lowers his torso in order to kiss the ethereal creature underneath him.

She whimpers into his mouth, her sounds only encouraging John.

Everything about her is warm and inviting, from her soft skin to her warm cunt and the way she sings for him at every thrust.

Maneuvering them so he can grip both her wrists with one of his hands, the other immediately dives between their bodies to find her clit again.

His pretty neighbor has spent months not having an orgasm she didn’t give herself, and John is determined to prove to her that he can give her as many as she can handle.

“John I can’t cum again,” she pleads even as her thighs shake on either side of him.

“Yes you can,” he assures her. “One more time for me, yeah?”

Now, should she insist she’s done and satisfied then John would leave her clit alone and finish up their fun. As it is, though, she nods in acquiescence before the trembling in her thighs increases.

“Good girl,” he praises, fingers continuing their steady pace around her clit as she creeps closer to the edge.

She’s babbling in his ear as he presses a kiss to her temple and he knows she’s almost there.

“Good girl,” he praises again, a cocksure grin pulling at the corners of his lips at her immediate response.

“My good girl,” he ups the ante, testing her response to John staking a claim on her. And God did it ever work. That last little bit is all it takes to finally tip her over.

She clenches down on him like a vice and John immediately loses it, groaning low as the haze of his orgasm washes over him.

It’s everything he wants- she’s everything he wants as he recovers enough from his climax to finally notice that the bed is an utter mess beneath them.

It’s not his immediate concern however, more interested in soothing her through the come down of her high. She’s shivering underneath him, eyes glossy from the intensity of her last orgasm.

“Easy, sweetheart,” he murmurs reassuringly. “Just breathe for me.”

He gathers her up in his arms, listening as her heartbeat relaxes in time with his own.

Eventually when enough time passes she’s more alert and happily snuggling against his chest. After giving her a chance to rest he herds her along to the bathroom so she doesn’t give herself a UTI. She tries to brush him off but her legs are taking their sweet time cooperating again.

Of course, she’s not exactly a recruit taking a piss test so he gives her her privacy and she’s able to return on her own albeit on shaky legs.

John pets at her head idly, attention drifting in post coital bliss as his hand strokes down along her back.

“I can’t believe you’re actually in my bed,” she giggles deliriously after a stretch of quiet.

“Only reason I wasn’t here sooner was because of that muppet,” he assures her. He doesn’t want her thinking that this is a one time thing for him. He’s wanted her for so long he can’t possibly be expected to turn her loose at the end of the night.

“I only dated him because I didn’t think you liked me,” she scoffs at herself.

“Oh, it was nearly the first moment I laid eyes on you. But with my work I kept talking myself out of doing anything,” he tells her. “Kept telling myself you deserve better. And then you brought the muppet home and kept him around,” John grouses good naturedly at her. “Think they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

“I plead temporary insanity,” she jokes, snuggling closer against his chest. “But I got rid of him. And you finally made your move.”

He hums in agreement, sleep pulling at him now that he has her tucked up against his side.

John doesn’t remember falling asleep but he wakes with a jolt to the sound of pounding on her door.

He’s only been out for an hour or so when he checks the clock on the nightstand, his neighbor sprawled out next to him.

Well, now he knows she snores. The sound is light enough to have never heard it through the wall, but curled up next to him she’s like a cat purring loudly in his ear.

And he’s exceptionally pissed right off at the fact someone has woken him up. Especially considering he has one guess who it is.

He fully debates answering the door buck ass naked to teach the prick a lesson about banging on doors after midnight but settles on tossing his joggers on.

Much like when she opened the door for John, the ex is automatically trained at where her head would be rather than looking at John’s face.

“My eyes are here,” he quips sarcastically. “Why the fuck are you banging on the door this late.”

“Why th-“ the ex starts to parrot back before cutting himself off. “Why the fuck are you in her apartment? Why isn’t she answering?”

“She’s asleep,” John answers simply. There’s no obligation to explain the why and how he ended up in her apartment.

“What the fuck do you mean she’s asleep? How is she asleep after she just dumped me? And why the fuck are you here?”

The boyfriend (the ex boyfriend, he thinks with glee) is either oblivious or…

Well. The ex boyfriend is oblivious. Let’s just keep it at that.

“I’m here because you can’t do your job right. She’s asleep because I can. What part of that is confusing?”

“That stupid slag’s been fucking you behind my back-“

“No.” John is somewhat mindful of not giving a full on “screaming at recruits” bellow, but his voice booms into the corridor outside the apartment anyway. “You watch your fucking mouth. This” John gestures vaguely at his own presence in her flat, “just happened after she dumped you. You don’t get to hurl insults.”

“She hopped off of my cock and straight to yours- what the fuck else is it?”

“You couldn’t get her off,” John hisses in annoyance. “I’ve had front row seats to your shitty little performance more than once. Not 5 minutes after you leave and she’s having to handle it herself.”

“I can’t be expected to compete with a fucking vibrator!”

“Well I sure as shit didn’t need one to get the job done. Poor girl could barely get her legs to work to go to the loo and not give herself a UTI. Your skill issues are what started all of this.”

“You know what? Fucking have her. I don’t need this shit.”

Ah yes, because John needs the ex’s permission to date a newly single woman. Absolutely. That’s entirely how that works.

“Never needed your blessing. Now fuck off. I’m trying to sleep.”

The ex responds with a two finger salute as he spins on his heel and storms off.

John is almost tempted to grab him by the back of his neck and turn him into a chew toy. Given his military career, his patience for muppets giving him attitude is virtually nonexistent.

But the siren call of his pretty neighbor is a stronger pull than the muppet can ever hope to achieve. John’s succeeded in his mission to run the prick off, and he’s going to try to get a few more hours of sleep before seeing if she’s interested in another romp in the morning when she wakes up.

The bedroom is dark and poorly lit but John immediately picks up on the silence.

Rather than being sprawled out and snoring like when he left her, she’s quiet and curled into a ball.

She’s awake.

“Sweetheart?” He calls softly.

She jolts, fabric rustling from the sheets falling off her as she sits up.

“You’re still here,” the surprise in her tone cuts, although he knows she didn’t mean for it to.

She seems to realize how that comes across and clarifies further, “I- I heard the door shut.”

It falls into place for him then- she woke up to the sound of the door and John nowhere to be found. She thought he’d left.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he consoles, making his way back to the bed. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” he assures her while gathering her back into his arms.

Sleep comes back readily once the two of them are situated back in the bed.

Come morning, John’s got the patience and the presence of mind to throw a towel on the bed. He finds out for himself that his neighbor makes the prettiest noises with her arse propped up in the air and her face still buried in her pillow.

He can’t help but laugh later when she texts him that one of the neighbors made a noise complaint.

Age in bio/pinned or I will block you ♡

[edensdahlia]

༊*·˚ Until I Say So

CHARACTERS: John Price x M! Reader (F! Reader here)

RATING: NSFW

CONTENTS: Military reader, canon typical violence, Price thinks reader needs a little extra training after they get compromised during a mission, may be inaccuracies in the fighting, porn with plot because I can’t write it without, established relationship, relationship with a superior <3, sparring as foreplay, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, voyeurism (?), multiple orgasms, nicknames used: muppet, darling, love

ೃ⁀➷ WORD COUNT: 2K

“--How copy?” Price’s voice crackled through the comms, rough in all the right places and with just the slightest bit of worry buried deep beneath his impassive tone. It couldn’t be helped, worrying about you came naturally to him, like donning a second skin he couldn’t seem to shed no matter how hard he tried. He really did try. In his line of work, he couldn’t afford to worry, it was a distraction when he needed to be anything but. Distractions could cost a life.

Subconsciously, Price tightened the grip he had on his rifle, trying to convince himself the sudden tension in his body was from the mission itself and not you. Although he really shouldn’t have been tense over that either. The operation was a simple two-person job with him acting as overwatch while you mapped out the interior of a warehouse suspected to be owned by a high-profile cartel. During debriefing Laswell had confirmed that the warehouse would be empty until the following week when shipments would first start arriving.

Meaning it should have been an easy in and out. Childs play really, and yet the silence seemed to stretch eons as he continued to scan the windows of the warehouse, searching for any sign of movement. For any sign of you. The sound of static filtered through the air, startling him, and then your voice came through, low and slightly breathy.

“All good so far Captain. Warehouse appears empty.”

Your voice was like a shot of comfort directly to his nervous system. The tension in his body seemed to fade. His grip slackened but remained steady as he continued searching the windows. “Good. Map the layout and get out. Quickly yeah?” There was the sound of static again and then your hushed laughter- more an exhale than an actual laugh.

“Sounds like you’re worried sir.”

He was. Of course, he was.

“Focus Sergeant.” It wasn’t a direct command but it had the same effect regardless. On the other side of the comms, you fell silent returning your attention back to the objective you’d been given. Eventually, finally, he caught sight of you, moving with the efficiency that had been drilled into you as a rookie.

Price watched as you dipped in and out of side rooms his heart seeming to still until you came back into the focus of his scope standing just in his line of sight. Your head was tilted up towards the window as if you could see him and the thought sent a secret thrill up his spine.

“All finished here sir, heading back your way.”

“Good work, Sergeant.” The praise fell from his lips easily. Like a secret only you were privy to. His words hung briefly between you two disappearing like mist on a summer day as something flashed behind you, a streak of silver turned a blinding white by the moonlight cast through the cracking windows. 

The warehouse was supposed to be empty.

The shadowy figure behind you crumpled to the ground, dead by the silent bullet Price had put through his brain. A moment too late. Just a moment. You looked up through the shattered glass one hand around your neck attempting to stop the blood that leaked through your shaking fingers.

♡ 。 。

Price loomed above you his legs bracketing your hips, keeping you pinned firmly to the floor in a position that was vaguely familiar. He smelled of cigar smoke and sweat, a combination you would have found comfort in had you not been wrestling with him for some semblance of control. You thrashed in his grip fists coming up to connect harshly against his chest. The force of it drew a small wheeze from him that morphed into a growl as he dug the blunt edge of a knife unceremoniously against your neck. It rested just above the jagged scar splitting your throat and when he pressed down just a bit more you felt the warning behind it, gaze finding his in defeat.

He shook his head at the look withdrawing from you, watching as you rolled over, panting from exertion and the vaguest hint of something else. Sweat collected near your hairline and dripped slowly down your nose leaving a dark stain on the mat below you.

“Get up muppet.” The words fell from him, in a harsh bark that had your mind dizzy with the possibilities of what else he could command you to do. Weakly, every bone in your body aching with the movement, you pulled yourself to your feet, stumbling slightly to the side.

“Can’t we take a break Captain?” You wiped the sweat from your brow with the edge of your shirt, the movement revealing a strip of scarred skin. His gaze flickered to it unthinkingly. “I just got dismissed from medical you know.” Your shirt dropped back in place and he frowned simultaneously at the loss of such a sight and your words.

“And why were you put there in the first place Sergeant?” Price challenged. You sighed through your nose and he took that as a sign of defeat gesturing with the plastic knife in a ‘come on’ motion. “Again.” His gaze remained steady on yours as you circled the mat together, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

Taking initiative you lunged for him, your dominant hand swinging out in a messy hook. Price ducked easily beneath the arm you had thrown out, pivoting so he could slam his foot into the back of your knee. You crumpled to the ground hands coming out to catch you, but he dragged you back with his forearm secured around your chest and the knife flat against your throat.

“Compromised again Sergeant.” His voice was a whisper against the shell of your ear. “You’re getting sloppy.”

You squeezed your eyes tightly together trying to fight off the arousal you felt aching between your legs. It’d been there since he’d first walked through the training room doors wearing a compression shirt that showed everything off in just the right way and sweatpants that hung dangerously low. With each press of your bodies together- each struggle for control it’d only intensified turning into a burning heat you needed so desperately to satisfy.

“I’m tired.” You offered in weak defence. The hard muscle of his thigh sat temptingly between your legs and you slowly let yourself relax in his grip, allowing you to subtly grind against his leg.

“Tired eh?” Price brought his thigh up pressing harder into your semi-hard cock and drawing a whimper from your lips as you met him halfway. Maybe not so subtle then. The knife tumbled to the floor as he settled his hands on your hips helping assist in the slow grind of you against him. Your chin dropped towards your chest at the sensation, thighs burning with the effort of keeping you upright. Price slid a hand beneath your jaw forcing your head up and turning it towards him so he could bring your mouth to his in a heated kiss. It was lazy on your part, your body sluggish from the training you’d gone through, and when you pulled back your eyes remained half-lidded.

Price smiled at the look. “You truly are a sight for sore eyes darlin’.”

The compliment did nothing but fuel your desperation. You arched further into him, nose brushing the skin of his throat. “I need you.” It was a quiet plea. A beg for him to relieve you of your own painful arousal. His hand slid beneath the band of your sweatpants teasingly and you thought for a moment he just might, but his fingers skimmed across your clothed cock with barely-there touches.

“Now?” He applied the slightest bit of pressure and you squirmed, hips rocking against his hand desperately. “Where anyone could see you?” You nodded pathetically, grinding yourself downwards in search of something more but it wasn’t enough.

“Fuckin’ tease.” Price chuckled as he hauled you off his lap, repositioning you so you were laid out flat on your back. He slid your sweatpants and underwear down to your ankles, revealing more of you to his hungry gaze. Every inch of your skin was intoxicating, each scar and blemish stirring something in him.

His cock was heavy in his hands and unsurprisingly hard as he angled it against your entrance. You grabbed for the back of his neck nails scraping against the short hair there as he entered you. It wasn’t slow by any means and it burned with every inch he forced forward but it was good. So good. Your eyes fluttered closed nails digging into his scalp as he rocked against you. It was rough, needy almost. His fingers dug into your sides pulling you in, each thrust opening you further.

“I was worried about you.” Price confessed on a particularly hard thrust that had your eyes rolling back into your head. “Bloody bastard should have never touched you.” His voice was thick with emotion, a sound so rare it had your eyes blearily finding his.

“Wasn’t your fault-” You whined attempting to lift your head up but failing miserably as he fucked you harshly into the mat. Clumsily you sought out his hand squeezing it reassuringly, the touch the best you could offer when he was filling you so completely. Price seemed to understand though. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your temple, his beard scraping against your skin.

“Won’t happen again yeah?”

There was a sureness to his words, a casual confidence that left no room for argument. Although- you certainly were in no position to argue as it was. Price somehow sensing your impending orgasm soothed a hand down your sweaty face, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled down at you. “Go on love, I know you’re close.” His words and the look on his face were horribly tender, a startling contrast to the way his hips snapped against yours, rough and without mercy.

Your legs tightened around his waist drawing him closer to you as you came. Price didn’t slow in the slightest bit. If anything he picked up in pace watching the way your eyes flew open. Overstimulation drew you up onto your forearms, one hand shooting out to steady yourself on his shoulder.

“John!”

He chuckled the sound lost in the skin of your neck. Each drag of his cock felt like heaven and hell all at once. The overstimulation was bringing you back up to that previous peak quicker than you could form the words for. It didn’t help either the way he continued to stroke your cock, drawing his thumb in lazy circles across the leaking tip and delighting at the pitiful sounds it drew from you. You were already hard again. Painfully so.

“You gonna come again, love?” You nodded chest heaving with the effort of drawing air into your poor lungs. Price nipped at the junction between your neck and shoulder smiling. “Good.” He continued rutting into you, the slick sounds of his hand around your cock obscene in the empty training room. At this point, you were halfway into his lap and each thrust imprinted the shape of his cock to your insides leaving you a stuttering mess of his name.

Exactly how he liked you.

Your second orgasm was stronger than the first and had you clenching around his cock almost painfully. Price cursed lowly slowing his thrusts to help draw it out, until you finally collapsed against him, legs twitching and breaths coming in short puffs. He lifted you slowly off him and you sighed in relief. His cock brushed against your stomach still leaking precum. Lazily you reached between your bodies intent on finishing him off with your hand but he swatted it away.

“On your stomach love. Ass up.”

The fucked out haze of your mind swirled curiously trying to process his words. You lifted your head searching his eyes in confusion. “Sir?” You asked voice shaky, looking every bit the fucked out mess you were.

Price couldn’t help the sick satisfaction he felt at being able to reduce you to such a state. “C’mon Sergeant,” He eased you up and then pushed you onto your stomach, your face pressed uncomfortably to the mat. “I’m not done with you yet.”

A/N: I’m honestly not too happy with how this turned out but it’s been sitting in my draft for like a month lmao. As always though thank you so much for taking the time to read this mess- have a lovely lovely day

[magpiepills]

A Rite

Rating: EXPLICIT! 18+ MDNI

Pairing: Din Djarin x AFAB reader

Word count: 900

Summary: just a beej, no biggie.

Warnings: oral (m receiving) dirty talk, din thinks he’s the dom, cum eating, facial, helmet is on, gloves are on, mild hair pulling. I think that’s it? She’s not specified, only physical description is that readers hair can be grabbed. No use of y/n.

A word for the author: I don't know why I did this. I had a thot and I got carried away thinking about sucking his dick and licking cum off beskar. Please don’t flay me alive if I’ve gotten integral Mando terminology wrong. I tried to watch the mandalorian but there were just too many muppets. I’ve never written for Din before and I probably won’t ever again. But who knows. I had some dark ideas for this but I got tired of writing so maybe one day there will be a dark version of this blowie.

The lights are dim, the faint buzz of electricity and the beep of some automated control made a soothing background noise to your own sounds. The squeak of leather against metal, the smack of metal against skin, the groan on the captain’s chair, and your own gagging as Din holds your hair tight in his fist, guiding you up and down on his cock.

He was a man of few words, a solid wall of silence most days, changing the energy of the air around him with the pivot of his shoulders. He could give you a chill that tingled your spine with the minute tilt of his helmet, stiffening your nipples against the coarse weave of your tunic.

It was disorienting how quickly he snapped from cold and quiet to hot and direct. Urging you onto your knees before him, nodding to you, a silent command to tug open his pants and take his heavy cock in your hand. Thick and leaking, the sight made your mouth water. “Open your mouth and suck it.” His voice crackled from somewhere under the emotionless mask of his helmet, cool, even, and deep. It sounded raspy, maybe but that could be the modulator.

The next sound from him was a soft grunt as you wet the head of his cock with your tongue, swirling and licking at his slit, greedily lapping up the leaking pre cum that beaded there as your hand slid and twisted up and down along his turgid member.

“You can take more.” His tone left no room for disagreement, so you opened your already aching jaw wider, letting the end of him push and slide against the soft skin inside your cheek.

“More.”

You squeezed your thighs together, aching for his touch that would never come as he demanded more of your throat. Your eyes watered and you reminded yourself to breathe through your nose.

Another half inch more and you heard him groan again. “Like that. Keep going.” His shaky exhale sounded like static, but you knew better, and it egged you on. Giving him this kind of attention and care was a thrill, it made you want to please him, give him something special, be good for him.

His grip loosened enough to let you pull off quickly, your hand working to stroke the entire length of him while you adjusted your kneeling stance. You took a deep breath and licked over his top again before quickly taking him deeper than before. Your eyes were squeezed shut and the sound of his cock in your throat was obscene. Carefully covering your teeth with your lips, you began sucking in earnest, hollowing your cheeks, saliva dripping down his cock and over his balls, wetting the fabric of his pants, opened and tugged below them just enough to allow only the necessary amount of skin to show.

Once again you focused on your breath, on relaxing the muscles of your jaw, your neck, your arm, on giving him everything you could. He wanted more, though.

“Deeper. Don’t tease- all the way.” His heavy gloves hand was at the base of your skull, and you thought he might feel himself there, deep as he was. Your nose and swollen top lip pushed into the coarse dark hair at the base of his wet cock, you swallowed carefully, slowly, lips, tongue, and tonsils working together to overwhelm his senses.

Could he see anything in that helmet? Could he hear your muffled moans, or did he just sense that you wished you could swallow him whole? Your count throbbed when you imagined how his mouth must taste. You wanted it to taste like you. Being the center of his sensory experience, the maker and creator of his pleasure, the only thing he could feel that wasn’t transmitted through a filter was a powerful drug. He had nothing of the world outside his helmet, his metal, his leather except your mouth.

His hand on your head didn’t matter. You relished how your throat ached at the intrusion of his cock, but he didn’t need to know. Let him revel in his control as long as he can. His breath was heavy but controlled through the voice modulator while you gagged and hummed, sending vibrations straight through him. When his hand slid around to feel the front of your throat, you pulled back enough to fit your hand around his cock again, stroking in in a way that might be called loving as you peered up into your own reflection in his visor, admiring how your lips looked around him. It was while you looked up where his eyes must be that you felt his thigh twitch, a telltale sign that his release was not far off. His breath hitched just slightly and you took your mouth from him, leaving you connected by a short string on saliva while ropes of his cum laced over your cheek, his glove, and the steel covering his thigh.

You watched in awe, touched your wet cheek, bringing his cum to your mouth where it belonged.

“You made a mess, clean it up.” Came a voice that sounded less steady than it did twenty minutes ago. You wanted to smirk, but instead you just nodded, dipping your head to run your tongue over the cool, smooth metal of his beskar, lapping up his cum and peering up at him. “Get it all.”

[sofasoap]

Love at first sight - life and death

Pairing: Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra x F!reader ( aka Mini MacTavish)

Summary: Life doesn't always play a fair game. Takes place after Epilogue of the main series.

Part I, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,Part 5,Part 6,Epilogue

Warning: M Rating. inaccuracies to medical and military related. discussion of injuries. ANGST.

A/N: Thanks @gamergirlbones helping me with Spanish phrases. and to @siilvan for putting up with me for breaking her heart. not beta nor properly proofread. sorry.

Part of RUDY FEST fic. Thank you @glitterypirateduck the wonderful CoD fanfic and fanart curator for organising another festival :D you are awesome. Prompt used: I'm not leaving you, You have to leave, your life's in danger

masterlist

How ironic. 

The rescuer needs to be rescued. 

Your ears are ringing, vision blurred with all the dust in the air. Without looking down, you know you are bleeding out. 

Slowly turning towards your left, you can see two of your fellow medics lying motionless on the ground. 

Are they still alive? If not… 

Who are their next of kin? Oh, you need to retrieve their dog tags. The paper work.. 

Ouch. Why does it hurt so much? That’s right.. You are injured. But where?  

“MINI! Stay with me!” 

You know that voice. But where is he? 

“Oh, hello love. There you are.” you replied, blinking your eyes a few times, trying to flush out the blood that is currently blurring your vision. Finally you spotted the owner of the voice.“ You shouldn’t be here.It’s not safe.” Bit of deja vu? Last time this happened, you were the one who was on the other side, trying frantically to save Rudy’s life. How the tables have turned. 

“I am not leaving you.” Rudy replied adamantly, with a hint of panic as his eyes scanned your body, and the surroundings. “You are going to be ok, cariño, I promise. Stay with me. Please.” he pleaded as he started to open his emergency med kit, doing whatever he can to save his love from dying in front of him. 

“Go. Don’t worry about me.” You tried to lift your arm, but you couldn’t. That’s when you notice half of your body and arm are pinned underneath the boulder and debris. 

“Oh.That’s not good.” you try to laugh, but all you could manage was a shuddered breath. “You muppet, of course it’s not good.” A lower, grumpier voice joined in. “How can you still be laughing in this situation?” 

“Oh, hello,Captain.” You slurred. It’s harder and harder to keep your speech and head straight. “You have to leave, your life's in danger. Take that man with you too, while you are there.” you jerked your head towards Rudy, who is currently radioing for medevac, causing a pounding headache. Everything is starting to hurt. It’s getting so hard to breathe. You thought. 

“Tell Soap and the team I love them…” you wheezed as you tried to convey your last messages to Price. “Tell Soap I’m sorry I ate his chocolate cookies….” “Stop giving out your last words. Medevac is on their way.” he reassures you, or is he trying to reassure himself? The sadness you can see through his eyes, you know you are probably not going to get out of this. 

“What.. is.. them…are my teammates ok?” you look at the two bodies again, worrying. “We can’t lose those two.. They are the best we got…” tears start to flow out. They are your brother and sister in arms, three of you have been through countless life and death situations. Is this where the three of you will partway?

“They are still breathing, last time we checked. We don’t want to move them. Worry about yourself first, cariño. Just concentrate on your breathing.” Rudy replied as he caressed your hair, soothing you. You always love his hand, how calming it is, how safe it makes you feel. 

“Oh good.” you slowly close your eyes. At least someone will stay alive today. 

“Come on, keep your eyes open for me, cariño, talk to me.” Rudy’s voice is getting desperate, trying to keep you awake until the medevac arrives. The help just doesn’t seem to come fast enough. He can’t lose you. Not here, not now, not for another long time to come.

“Hey Rudy.” “Yes love.”

“Do you remember the day we first met?”

“Of course cariño. How could I forget?”

“Hey Rudy.”

“Yes mi vida.”

“You love me??”

“Of course.Mi corazón late por ti”.

“....”

“Cariño?”  

The last thing you heard before you sank into the complete darkness was the anguish cry of Rudy, screaming out for you. 

Mi corazón late por ti : My heart beats for you.

NOTE: Sorry it's a short one. I am just so tired from work conferences and travelling. part 2 might not come out in time for end of Rudy fest :(

Tag list :

@jynxmirage, @siilvan

@glitterypirateduck, @homicidal-slvt

@sprout-fics @cumikering @preciouslittlecreature @crazymela

@liyanahelena @abbeyrjm-blog @alypink @devcica @nrdmssgs

@okayyadriana @caramlizedtomatoes @random-thot-generator @random0lover

@iwannabeinthesequalmrghostface

@nightingal3-tales, @deakyspuff

@deadbranch, @roosterr, @gamergirlbones, @b1rds3ye, @writeforfandoms @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world @onewattson6529

[danielmolloystits]

break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored (1/2) (Armand/Daniel, Lestat/Daniel)

Summary:

“Armand?” Lestat looks at him very seriously, then. “He has neglected you?” Daniel laughs, though there isn’t much humor in it. “That’s one fuckin’ word for it, sure.” “Oh, mon ami.” Lestat’s eyes are round and wet like an animal’s. “A prize such as yourself does not deserve this terrible treatment.” He shrugs. “You get used to it.” “No.” Lestat grabs one of Daniel’s hands in both of his own, making such intense eye contact with the journalist that it starts to grow uncomfortable. “You deserve better. You must understand this.” “Okay,” Daniel agrees, shifting a little in his seat. Anything to move past this point in the interaction. “I deserve better.” “Good,” Lestat says, nodding resolutely to himself. “This is why you should let me fuck you.”

Pairing: M/M (Daniel/Lestat, Armand/Daniel) Rating: E WC: ~1,600

In his furry lime-green rock star coat, Lestat sort of looks like a Muppet.

“You look like a Muppet,” Daniel says, because it’s true. And also because he’s very drunk. The couple the two of them had split must have had a combined blood alcohol content that could level an elephant.

They’re currently at a VIP booth in a shitty nightclub in the Village. Daniel thinks they were meant to be doing something for the book, but they lost sight of whatever goal that was some number of hours ago.

“What is a Muppet?” Lestat asks with his head tilted, yelling to be heard over the obnoxious EDM beat. His French accent is more pronounced when he’s sloshed, apparently, because the vowels and consonants slur together like a watery porridge. He scowls, evidently hearing Daniel’s thoughts. “Excusez-moi, Monsieur Molloy, that my refined and romantic native tongue is lost on you.”

“I never said anything about your tongue,” Daniel argues, just as loudly. “S’your accent that’s shit. I’m sure your tongue is fine.”

Lestat looks at him suspiciously. “Are you ‘negging’ me, Monsieur Molloy?”

“In hindsight, introducing you to Reddit might have been a mistake.”

“Ah, but they love me there!” The blond sighs dreamily, a serene smile crossing his features. “Finally, my incisive wit is getting the recognition it deserves in the form of their so-called karma.”

Daniel snorts, says, “I’m not sure our publicist would have signed off on the AMA if she had known you were going to post hole, though.”

“You have to give the people what they want,” Lestat protests, solemn and sage-like. “And it was tasteful!”

The journalist raises an eyebrow at that, but otherwise says nothing.

“I can hear your thoughts, Monsieur Molloy,” Lestat reminds him with an edge of danger, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “And it was tasteful. You certainly seem to have a vivid recollection of it.”

“What can I say?” Daniel shrugs agreeably. “You definitely gave the people what they wanted.”

Lestat beams at him, then, brighter than any of the lights in the Manhattan skyline.

Twenty minutes later and Lestat is crying. He and Louis are currently in the “off-again” part of their whole on-again/off-again deal, and it’s clearly hitting him pretty hard.

“No one will ever love me,” he sobs, eye makeup streaking down his sculpted cheeks. “I will be alone always.”

“Hey, bud,” Daniel tries, awkwardly patting him on the shoulder. “That’s not true.”

“You do not understand what it is like, Monsieur Molloy,” Lestat sniffles, looking up at Daniel with a trembling pout, “to be abandoned so many times.”

“I’ve got something of an idea,” Daniel mutters, and now he’s rubbing small circles into Lestat’s back. “I’m no stranger to being left.”

This seems to only break Lestat’s heart further. “But you are so beautiful! Who would ever leave you?”

“I’ve been divorced twice.”

Lestat makes a wounded noise. “I am sorry to hear that. But it is a different matter entirely,” he says, “when your fledgling, a being borne of your own blood, does not want you.”

“Yeah, well,” Daniel deadpans. “It’s not like my Maker is too interested in me, either.”

“Armand?” Lestat looks at him very seriously, then. “He has neglected you?”

Daniel laughs, though there isn’t much humor in it. “That’s one fuckin’ word for it, sure.”

“Oh, mon ami.” Lestat’s eyes are round and wet like an animal’s. “A prize such as yourself does not deserve this terrible treatment.”

He shrugs. “You get used to it.”

“No.” Lestat grabs one of Daniel’s hands in both of his own, making such intense eye contact with the journalist that it starts to grow uncomfortable. “You deserve better. You must understand this.”

“Okay,” Daniel agrees, shifting a little in his seat. Anything to move past this point in the interaction. “I deserve better.”

“Good,” Lestat says, nodding resolutely to himself. “This is why you should let me fuck you.”

Daniel sputters, coughs. “Pardon?”

“He has mistreated you terribly,” Lestat explains, as though it ought to be obvious. Daniel supposes that it is, to him. “And he hates me. It would make him, how you say, ‘triggered.’”

“We really need to get you off of Reddit.”

Lestat stares at him with all of the earnestness of a schoolboy and all of the tortured emotion of a lovesick puppy. “Please, mon cher, allow me to do this for you. It is the least I can do to repay your kindness in sharing my story.” He pauses. “And the rat bastard has it coming, if I am to be perfectly honest.”

Daniel considers, then, that the other vampire might need this just as much—if not more—than he does. Besides, it’s not like Lestat isn’t 6-foot-something of stone cold hottie.

All things told, he’s had harder decisions to make in his long and storied life.

“All right,” he says. “Fuck it. Let’s bang.”

For a revenge screw, Lestat is taking this surprisingly seriously. He’s brought Daniel back to their hotel, to the luxury suite he demanded as part of his rider, and he’s currently nosing along the hard length of Daniel’s cock with a level of reverence more befitting a prince.

“You are a prince,” Lestat says, pressing a chaste kiss to the vein that runs along his shaft, as if to punctuate his point. “I would like very much to show you what you are worth.”

He seems much more sober now, focused in like there is no world beyond the four posters of this ridiculous canopied bed.

Daniel’s fingers curl in the sheets as Lestat replaces his lips with his tongue, tracing the stolen blood that throbs underneath the skin as though he’s trying to take Daniel’s pulse. “Fuck,” he curses, hips bucking up a fraction in search of greater contact.

“So sensitive,” Lestat murmurs, as his tongue continues to map out the journalist’s skin. “What a pity that Armand did not take proper advantage of you.”

He sucks the head into his mouth, drawing a low hiss from between Daniel’s teeth. “We don’t need to talk about him.”

“No?” Lestat asks, pulling off to grin cheekily at him. “So you would not be interested to know, then, what he is saying to me right now?”

“You’re talking to him?”

“Showing him, actually,” Lestat corrects, dragging his tongue back down to the base once more, “what it is he is missing out on.”

Something about that makes Daniel’s cock harden even further. He may possibly be a little fucked in the head. Oh well , he thinks, tangling the fingers of one hand in Lestat’s silky hair. Might as well lean into it. “If you’re trying to tease me to death, I have terrible news,” he says aloud. “That ship has already sailed.”

Lestat chuckles where his open mouth is pressed against him, the low rumble of it reverberating all the way down to Daniel’s bones. Patience, mon ami, he tells him telepathically. Some things are meant to be savored.

“Sure,” Daniel says, biting back a moan as Lestat continues languishing in his slow exploration of the journalist’s body. “But could you maybe savor it a little faster?”

Lestat ignores him, obviously enjoying himself far too much to dignify that with a response. “Do you want to know what Armand is saying, as he watches me worship you?”

And Daniel isn’t sure how to answer that, really, but he figures the high-pitched keening noise that escapes his throat probably suffices.

“He is saying that he will break all of my fingers,” Lestat continues, peppering filthy, wet kisses all over Daniel’s cock. “That I am not worthy to touch you.” He gazes up at Daniel, his eyes gleaming with a lurid sort of mischief. “Do you think I am worthy to touch you, Monsieur Molloy?”

Without warning, he slides Daniel into his mouth down to the root, cheeks hollowing as he sucks. Hard.

“Fuck, yes,” Daniel groans, head lolling back and the hand in Lestat’s hair tightening its grip as the other vampire begins to bob up and down in earnest. “So fuckin’ worthy, baby.”

Oh, he really did not care for that, Lestat says inside of his mind.

Good, Daniel thinks back. I hope that motherfucker suffers.

Lestat brings his hand up to work in tandem with his mouth, stroking Daniel exactly the way he likes it, as if he’s been watching him masturbate since he first learned how. And, fine. Maybe Daniel gets it now—why so many vampires have lost their entire goddamn minds over this one hunky Frenchman. Because, God, the man is like a fucking Hoover, he thinks, and he can feel Lestat preening at the silent compliment.

It’s embarrassing, almost, how quickly the other vampire has him on edge, his eyes squeezing shut as he forgets himself in the sensation of Lestat’s soft lips, Lestat’s playful tongue. He isn’t going to last long, he knows, and he doesn’t even care; he’s too busy relishing in the sinful decadence of it all, in the way his pleasure builds and builds to a deafening crescendo.

Then, right as he’s tumbling over that glorious precipice, two things happen at once. First: Lestat releases him with an obscene, wet plop, so that Daniel’s release streaks hot and messy all over his face.

Second: the door slams open so hard it rattles on its hinges.

[neathyingenue]

HERE IT IS

"An episode of The Muppet Show but the guest star is Sinning Jenny"

Rating: Teen

Categories: M/M, Multi, Other

Ships: Kermit the Frog/Miss Piggy/Sinning Jenny, Statler/Waldorf, Statler/Waldorf/Original Fallen London Character

No archive warnings apply

Words: 2460

Additional Tags: Crack, musical episode, Bad Puns, Muppet/Human kissing, Muppet/human orgy (implied), I'm so sorry I promise it's not actually that horny, Screenplay/Script Format

Read on Ao3 (formatting doesn't really work here, sorry)

Thanks to @neathbowprideflag for the guest star idea and to @thedeafprophet and @house-of-mirrors for allowing me to rope your OCs into this monstrosity ;___;

[thegamingcatmom]

How tall do yall HC Tanya Denali?

I feel like I should mention that, while I´m very much aware Myanna Buring is a smol muppet (one thing we have in common :3), Tanya Denali very much isn´t. Not in my stories, at least.

I think I HC her somewhere between Kate and Irina. Or perhaps the same height as Kate. Irina is a bit taller, but not by much. It´s barely noticable when all three of them are stood next to each other.

Which-

UGHGUGHUGHGUGH-

Can yall imagine all of that (but feral) vs all of you? Which ain´t that much, sorry (not sorry). At least not in comparison. Tanya thinks it´s cute.

You are a mouse facing off against three starving felines.

How would you rate your chances?

[thisonesatellite]

Title: Tempus Fugit

Author: @thisonesatellite (RecoveringTheSatellites on AO3)

Artist: @rufferto9 (rufferto on AO3)

Rating: M

Word Count: 20,057

Warning: None

Relationships: Steve Rogers / James “Bucky” Barnes

Tags: Alternate UniverseShrinkyclinks | Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes/Non-Serum Steve Rogers, Archaeologist!Steve, chaos muppet BAMF assistant!Clint, Scott just being Scott, Tony just being Tony, nerd battles will happen, plot and connection and softness, and at least one hail of bullets, and a happy end, also - history nerds will absolutely get theirs here

Summary:

tempus fugit (lat): time flies November, 1926. Steve is an archaeologist who has been looking for something all his life without quite knowing what it is. Clint is his long-suffering assistant who definitely doesn't tempt Steve to fire him at least once a day. Their latest venture has bounced them around the Mediterranean with no clear plan, until Clint points out the obvious and they both embark on a journey that will finally lead them to their destination. Or rather, to finding out that what Steve's been looking for his whole life isn't a what. It's a who. Because of course it is. Shenanigans, secret society conspiracies, casual mentions of world domination, the apocalypse, and the crusades, a little magic, a lot of science, and some witty banter ensue. Also adventure. Plus soft bois wrapped into the strings of fate and destiny and a very happy end. (For those of you who need to know, there are no mummies in this fic. Anywhere.)

.

Written for the shrinkyclinks double bang at @buckybarnesevents.

Art by the incredible and amazing @rufferto9 . This has been an absolutely wonderful collaboration, and i am so glad i got to do this with you.

My eternal gratitude goes out to @booksandabeer, beta extraordinaire, who can squeeze fic from a stone and enables my lunacy no matter which form it takes, and @wistfulcynic, my Person, who doesn't even Marvel and yet holds my hand every time i threaten to melt down.

Without you guys there would not have been fic. i owe you EVERYRTHING.

And also the awesome mods -- @mxaether and @buckyismybicycle -- thank you for a great event!

[ao3feed-skystar]

Code Red

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/nHxcQBC by Creatively_Written The Decepticons have a code red on their hands. Words: 956, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Starscream (Transformers), Megatron (Transformers), Soundwave (Transformers), Thundercracker (Transformers), Skywarp (Transformers), Breakdown (Transformers), Jetfire | Skyfire (Transformers), Ratchet (Transformers) Relationships: Jetfire | Skyfire/Starscream (Transformers) Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Starscream being Starscream, based on the Muppets, Feelings read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/nHxcQBC

[ao3feed-nanago]

Botherable Bother-able

by bearmitage Gojo Satoru has faced curses, life-or-death battles, and reality-bending catastrophes— and no, he is never afraid of anything. Except for one thing. There is only one thing in existence that makes him, the world’s strongest, most powerful, talented (and did he mention the most handsome?) sorcerer, avoid like a plague and so fucking terrified. And that is Nanami Kento– his very pregnant husband. Words: 4645, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Manga), 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen (Anime) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento Relationships: Gojo Satoru/Nanami Kento Additional Tags: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Gojo Satoru, Omega Nanami Kento, Intersex Nanami Kento, Bottom Nanami Kento, Pregnant Sex, Pregnancy, Gojo Satoru is a Little Shit, An absolute muppet, Nanami loves him anyhow, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, no beta we die like both of them, they fuck nasty just fyi via https://ift.tt/Ut7K6LC

[edensdahlia]

༊*·˚ Until I Say So

CHARACTERS: John Price x F! Reader (M! Reader here)

RATING: NSFW

CONTENTS: Military reader, canon typical violence, Price thinks reader needs a little extra training after they get compromised during a mission, may be inaccuracies in the fighting, porn with plot because I can’t write it without, established relationship, relationship with a superior <3, sparring as foreplay, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, voyeurism (?), multiple orgasms, nicknames used: muppet, darling, love

ೃ⁀➷ WORD COUNT: 2K

“--How copy?” Price’s voice crackled through the comms, rough in all the right places and with just the slightest bit of worry buried deep beneath his impassive tone. It couldn’t be helped, worrying about you came naturally to him, like donning a second skin he couldn’t seem to shed no matter how hard he tried. He really did try. In his line of work, he couldn’t afford to worry, it was a distraction when he needed to be anything but. Distractions could cost a life.

Subconsciously, Price tightened the grip he had on his rifle, trying to convince himself the sudden tension in his body was from the mission itself and not you. Although he really shouldn’t have been tense over that either. The operation was a simple two-person job with him acting as overwatch while you mapped out the interior of a warehouse suspected to be owned by a high-profile cartel. During debriefing Laswell had confirmed that the warehouse would be empty until the following week when shipments would first start arriving.

Meaning it should have been an easy in and out. Childs play really, and yet the silence seemed to stretch eons as he continued to scan the windows of the warehouse, searching for any sign of movement. For any sign of you. The sound of static filtered through the air, startling him, and then your voice came through, low and slightly breathy.

“All good so far Captain. Warehouse appears empty.”

Your voice was like a shot of comfort directly to his nervous system. The tension in his body seemed to fade. His grip slackened but remained steady as he continued searching the windows. “Good. Map the layout and get out. Quickly yeah?” There was the sound of static again and then your hushed laughter- more an exhale than an actual laugh.

“Sounds like you’re worried sir.”

He was. Of course, he was.

“Focus Sergeant.” It wasn’t a direct command but it had the same effect regardless. On the other side of the comms, you fell silent returning your attention back to the objective you’d been given. Eventually, finally, he caught sight of you, moving with the efficiency that had been drilled into you as a rookie.

Price watched as you dipped in and out of side rooms his heart seeming to still until you came back into the focus of his scope standing just in his line of sight. Your head was tilted up towards the window as if you could see him and the thought sent a secret thrill up his spine.

“All finished here sir, heading back your way.”

“Good work, Sergeant.” The praise fell from his lips easily. Like a secret only you were privy to. His words hung briefly between you two disappearing like mist on a summer day as something flashed behind you, a streak of silver turned a blinding white by the moonlight cast through the cracking windows. 

The warehouse was supposed to be empty.

The shadowy figure behind you crumpled to the ground, dead by the silent bullet Price had put through his brain. A moment too late. Just a moment. You looked up through the shattered glass one hand around your neck attempting to stop the blood that leaked through your shaking fingers.

♡ 。 。

Price loomed above you his legs bracketing your hips, keeping you pinned firmly to the floor in a position that was vaguely familiar. He smelled of cigar smoke and sweat, a combination you would have found comfort in had you not been wrestling with him for some semblance of control. You thrashed in his grip fists coming up to connect harshly against his chest. The force of it drew a small wheeze from him that morphed into a growl as he dug the blunt edge of a knife unceremoniously against your neck. It rested just above the jagged scar splitting your throat and when he pressed down just a bit more you felt the warning behind it, gaze finding his in defeat.

He shook his head at the look withdrawing from you, watching as you rolled over, panting from exertion and the vaguest hint of something else. Sweat collected near your hairline and dripped slowly down your nose leaving a dark stain on the mat below you. 

“Get up muppet.” The words fell from him, in a harsh bark that had your mind dizzy with the possibilities of what else he could command you to do. Weakly, every bone in your body aching with the movement, you pulled yourself to your feet, stumbling slightly to the side. 

“Can’t we take a break Captain?” You wiped the sweat from your brow with the edge of your shirt, the movement revealing a strip of scarred skin. His gaze flickered to it unthinkingly. “I just got dismissed from medical you know.” Your shirt dropped back in place and he frowned simultaneously at the loss of such a sight and your words.

“And why were you put there in the first place Sergeant?” Price challenged. You sighed through your nose and he took that as a sign of defeat gesturing with the plastic knife in a ‘come on’ motion. “Again.” His gaze remained steady on yours as you circled the mat together, each waiting for the other to make the first move.

Taking initiative you lunged for him, your dominant hand swinging out in a messy hook. Price ducked easily beneath the arm you had thrown out, pivoting so he could slam his foot into the back of your knee. You crumpled to the ground hands coming out to catch you, but he dragged you back with his forearm secured around your chest and the knife flat against your throat.

“Compromised again Sergeant.” His voice was a whisper against the shell of your ear. “You’re getting sloppy.”

You squeezed your eyes tightly together trying to fight off the arousal you felt aching between your legs. It’d been there since he’d first walked through the training room doors wearing a compression shirt that showed everything off in just the right way and sweatpants that hung dangerously low. With each press of your bodies together- each struggle for control it’d only intensified turning into a burning heat you needed so desperately to satisfy.

“I’m tired.” You offered in weak defence. The hard muscle of his thigh sat temptingly between your legs and you slowly let yourself relax in his grip, allowing you to subtly grind against his leg.

“Tired eh?” Price brought his thigh up pressing harder into your clothed cunt and drawing a whimper from your lips as you met him halfway. Maybe not so subtle then. The knife tumbled to the floor as he settled his hands on your hips helping assist in the slow grind of you against him. Your chin dropped towards your chest at the sensation, thighs burning with the effort of keeping you upright. Price slid a hand beneath your jaw forcing your head up and turning it towards him so he could bring your mouth to his in a heated kiss. It was lazy on your part, your body sluggish from the training you’d gone through, and when you pulled back your eyes remained half-lidded.

Price smiled at the look. “You truly are a sight for sore eyes darlin’.” 

The compliment did nothing but fuel your desperation. You arched further into him, nose brushing the skin of his throat. “I need you.” It was a quiet plea. A beg for him to relieve you of your own painful arousal. His hand slid beneath the band of your sweatpants teasingly and you thought for a moment he just might, but his fingers skimmed across your clothed cunt with barely-there touches. 

“Now?” He applied the slightest bit of pressure and you squirmed, hips rocking against his hand desperately. “Where anyone could see you?” You nodded pathetically, grinding yourself downwards in search of something more but it wasn’t enough. 

“Fuckin’ minx.” Price chuckled as he hauled you off his lap, repositioning you so you were laid out flat on your back. He slid your sweatpants and underwear down to your ankles, revealing more of you to his hungry gaze. Every inch of your skin was intoxicating, each scar and blemish stirring something in him.

His cock was heavy in his hands and unsurprisingly hard as he angled it against your soaked entrance. You grabbed for the back of his neck nails scraping against the short hair there as he entered you. It wasn’t slow by any means and it burned with every inch he forced forward but it was good. So good. Your eyes fluttered closed nails digging into his scalp as he rocked against you. It was rough, needy almost. His fingers dug into your sides pulling you in, each thrust opening you further.

“I was worried about you.” Price confessed on a particularly hard thrust that had your eyes rolling back into your head. “Bloody bastard should have never touched you.” His voice was thick with emotion, a sound so rare it had your eyes blearily finding his.

“Wasn’t your fault-” You whined attempting to lift your head up but failing miserably as he fucked you harshly into the mat. Clumsily you sought out his hand squeezing it reassuringly, the touch the best you could offer when he was filling you so completely. Price seemed to understand though. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your temple, his beard scraping against your skin. 

“Won’t happen again yeah?”

There was a sureness to his words, a casual confidence that left no room for argument. Although- you certainly were in no position to argue as it was. Price somehow sensing your impending orgasm soothed a hand down your sweaty face, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled down at you. “Go on love, I know you’re close.” His words and the look on his face were horribly tender, a startling contrast to the way his hips snapped against yours, rough and without mercy.

Your legs tightened around his waist drawing him closer to you as you came. Price didn’t slow in the slightest bit. If anything he picked up in pace watching the way your eyes flew open. Overstimulation drew you up onto your forearms, one hand shooting out to steady yourself on his shoulder.

“John!”

He chuckled the sound lost in the skin of your neck. Each drag of his cock felt like heaven and hell all at once. The overstimulation was bringing you back up to that previous peak quicker than you could form the words for. It didn’t help either the way he continued to thumb your clit, drawing his thumb in lazy circles and delighting at the pitiful sounds it drew from you.

“You gonna come again, love?” You nodded chest heaving with the effort of drawing air into your poor lungs. Price nipped at the junction between your neck and shoulder smiling. “Good.” He continued rutting into you, the slick sounds of your cunt dragging him back in obscene in the empty training room. At this point, you were halfway into his lap and each thrust imprinted the shape of his cock to your insides leaving you a stuttering mess of his name.

Exactly how he liked you.

Your second orgasm was stronger than the first and had you clenching around his cock almost painfully. Price cursed lowly slowing his thrusts to help draw it out, until you finally collapsed against him, legs twitching and breaths coming in short puffs. He lifted you slowly off him and you sighed in relief. His cock brushed against your stomach coated in your slick and still leaking precum. Lazily you reached between your bodies intent on finishing him off with your hand but he swatted it away.

“On your stomach love. Ass up.”

The fucked out haze of your mind swirled curiously trying to process his words. You lifted your head searching his eyes in confusion. “Sir?” You asked voice shaky, looking every bit the fucked out mess you were. 

Price couldn’t help the sick satisfaction he felt at being able to reduce you to such a state. “C’mon Sergeant,” He eased you up and then pushed you onto your stomach, your face pressed uncomfortably to the mat. “I’m not done with you yet.” 

A/N: I’m honestly not too happy with how this turned out but it’s been sitting in my draft for like a month lmao. As always though thank you so much for taking the time to read this mess- have a lovely lovely day

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Some Mouse House news today. One story is true, the other *might* be true.

Today, Sean Bailey steps down as head of Walt Disney Pictures. The studio of Disney's massive film division that does all the live-action movies, and in some cases, animated tech demos that look like real-life simulations. Ya know, THE JUNGLE BOOK (2016) and THE LION KING (2019)?

He singlehandedly ushered in the whole remake craze (on top of saying some very weird and obtuse things about the animated classics they are largely based on), whilst trying to launch new franchises out of over-budgeted risky movies, and suffice to say? I'm more than happy that his replacement is Searchlight Pictures' David Greenbaum.

Greenbaum will now lead a combined Disney Live-Action/20th Century Studios effort, while Matthew Greenfield continues to lead Searchlight. This is a very smart move I feel, as Searchlight were usually quite good with budgets. They greenlit several outre and unique movies. Most recently Yorgos Lanthimos' POOR THINGS, which I loved. In the weirdest sense, and you'll probably think I've lost the plot in saying this, but... The $35m hard R-rated sci-fi black comedy with plenty of sex scenes felt more in the spirit of "Disney" - creative, game-changing, and bold - than a lot of the titanic-budgeted seemingly-noted-to-death movies released under the mainline "Disney" name in the recent years... That's quite something!

(Maybe it's just something of a shock to see a movie simply made by a FILMMAKER come out Disney. After all, when Walt Disney saw TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD in 1962, he was floored by the film and lamented... He wish his studio could make a picture like that.)

So yeah, as you can tell, I'm thrilled with this move. I feel that the output of the "Live-Action" end of Disney hasn't really been for me for a long time, creatively, and maybe Greenbaum will course-correct. Take a chance on different filmmakers, let them come in and make a really cool movie that isn't buckled under notes and mandates that attempt to make the proceedings "more Disney" - whatever that means. Less things like ARTEMIS FOWL and LION KING and this TRON-in-name-only sequel with Jared Leto, more stuff like the first PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and assorted smaller movies. These things don't have to be $150m+ behemoths, either.

This move has been a long-time coming, I feel, especially after the film division lost money on HAUNTED MANSION and live-action LITTLE MERMAID, in addition to seeing diminishing returns elsewhere.

(And hey, on the off chance... Maybe we can see another Muppets movie get off the ground, haha.)

Sooo... As for the other piece of news...

Apparently Pixar is working on a movie called DUCKS.

And it's a full-blown musical, too... A first for Pixar...

Right now, this is all coming out of the rumor mills and I feel it should be taken with a grain of salt. Much like that soccer movie set in Barcelona that they were supposedly developing around 2018.

What's interesting is that a locked Facebook account and a locked Twitter account have been made for a "Pixar Ducks" thing. So maybe... Yeah... Maybe DUCKS is a movie in the works at Pixar. Or it's a short.

Some have pointed out that this news arrives a little after the release of Universal/Illumination's animated duck romp MIGRATION, which brings up the pairs of yore: A BUG'S LIFE and ANTZ, FINDING NEMO and SHARK TALE, RATATOUILLE and FLUSHED AWAY, the ill-fated NEWT and RIO... But really, sometimes great minds think alike. Remember how we had three animated movies about Sasquatches/yetis from September 2018 to September 2019? SMALLFOOT, MISSING LINK, and ABOMINABLE?

Sometimes it just happens...

I've also noticed people saying "Wait a minute, what about COCO? Wasn't that a musical?"

COCO, when it was coming out, was carefully described as a movie that was about music, not so much a "musical". I don't see COCO as a "musical", myself.

You see, I feel musicals inhabit a heightened reality of their own. Typically, in musical movies, when characters start singing, everything else around them is engaged. Like the whole block or the whole neighborhood or the whole area was prepared for this moment, and are going along with it. For some people, that's weird. "Why are they all singing? Imagine doing THAT in real life!" That's the point of musicals, I feel. The singing is the characters' feelings, their world, their point of view. These movies don't follow a literal reality, and that's what has always made them and their theatre counterparts so special for so many years.

COCO, by contrast, is about musicians. They pick up a guitar or instrument, and when they play music and sing, it's not of a heightened reality. Everybody else goes about their business, the whole block isn't singing- You get where I'm going with this, right? There's a clear difference between COCO and BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

Some 30 years ago, when Pixar was working on TOY STORY... Their first ever feature film, they specifically didn't want to do a musical or something with an "I Want" song. A little list of rules, so that they wouldn't make something similar to what Disney was doing post-OLIVER & COMPANY. Many of the other animation studios were mimicking that formula as well, as evidenced by all the SWAN PRINCESS and FERGULLY types that were being released all throughout the '90s... It's understandable that Pixar and their tight-knit culture wanted to avoid that at first...

But we're in 2024 now, and Disney Animation has long balanced out musicals with non-musicals (BIG HERO 6, ZOOTOPIA, RAYA, etc.), while other studios have tried other kinds of musicals that don't try to recreate what Howard Ashman and Alan Menken perfected circa 1989. Like the SING movies, those are jukebox musicals, the TROLLS movies are more like pop musicals than they are Broadway...

So, some three decades after the release of TOY STORY (assuming that this film comes out in 2026 at the earliest), yeah! Pixar making a musical isn't so far-fetched. What this studio brings to that genre remains to be seen, but I'm interested nonetheless. They could possibly re-invent it in a very cool, fun way. I just find the title to be curious... Ducks... Talking animals... It seems very basic, but there's a lot we don't know, so I'll wait til I hear more. It could be about, say, duckpin bowling for all I know.

My other question is... Who is directing it? I know that the following filmmakers have pitched or are working on films at Pixar:

Brian Fee (director of CARS 3)

Enrico Casarosa (director of LUCA)

Domee Shi (director of TURNING RED)

Dan Scanlon (director on ONWARD and MONSTERS UNIVERSITY)

Kristen Lester (director of Sparkshort PURL)

Rosana Sullivan (director of Sparkshort KITBULL)

Aphton Corbin (director of Sparkshort TWENTY-SOMETHING)

Daniel Chong (creator of WE BEAR BEARS, storyboard artist on CARS 2 and INSIDE OUT)

Their schedule currently looks like this:

6/14/2024: INSIDE OUT 2

06/13/2025: ELIO

03/06/2026: Unknown

06/19/2026: Unknown

TBD 2026: TOY STORY 5 (likely summer)

So, logically, this could be their spring 2026 original movie while TOY STORY 5 expectedly takes the prime summer slot. Maybe! Perhaps it swaps spots with something else, I don't know.

We do have a D23 Expo coming up this year, so maybe we'll learn what Pixar's post-ELIO films are that aren't sequels. If DUCKS is real and it's moving along quite nicely, then that should be the one. We shall see...

[popculturebuffet]

Little Retrospective of Horrors: The Musicals (Monthly Muppets Madness) (Comission for Emma Fici)

Welcome back all you strange and intresting plants to both my little retrospective of horrors AND monthly muppet madness my (usually) monthly look at anything muppet related. And after a blood apptizer or the original corman film, you can find that review HERE, i'ts time to get to the chunks of fileted dentist main course with the stage musical and one of my all time favorite films, it's 1986 film adaptation.

Originally I was going to do the stage version seperate... but when I sat down to watch the best visual and audio quality one I could find on youtube, the 2008 production from the American Musical Theater of San Jose which you can find HERE if your curious.. I found out that in addition to being a great movie on it's own.. LIttle Shop of Horrors is an EXCELLENT adaptation: While there are changes to make it work better as a film, cut songs for time and some changes in Seymours character we'll get to, most of the dialogue and music is exactly as it was in the stage play. At it's core the film is simply the musical as it's best self, taking all the great parts of it, trimming a bit of fat and giving us some knockout performances in the lead rolls. The film has some issues, we'll get to that like everything else... but on the whole even looking past my nostalgia.. it's still just a complete joy to watch and a love letter to the original

So i'll mainly be looking at the movie, but still covering the stage play here and there including the cut songs.

Good then let's dive into the giant man eating plant under the cut and see how it still talks, moves, sings and busts our balls after all this time.

Ya Never Know:

Little Shop of Horrors was the second collab and the brekaout one for the duo of Howard Ashman and Alan Menkin, a lyrcist and composer respectfully. It's , to my shock this very musical that caught Disney's eye, leading to the two composing songs for The Little Mermaid, Oliver and Company, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and of all things Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue, which I covered this 420. Sadly Ashman passed away in 1991, same year I was born, of AIDS, never seeing the finished Beauty and the Beast. His lost is a tragic one and i'ts sad a voice was robbed from us too soon by a disease that might of had better treatment had the goverment not been homophobic idiots. Menken is still working for Disney to this day, often returning for the unecessary live action remakes. Hey if it gets a certified legend a paycheck, at least some good comes out of those.

At any rate, back then the two were theater writers, whose previous show, God Bless You Mr. Rosewater, hadn't done well. Wanting a fun project, Ashman thought back to an old play of his about a plant that had a magnetisim about it, a cult of personality.. and then realized it was a ripoff of beloved film from his teen years, Little Shop of Horrors. He pitched the idea to Menken who after seeing the film was absolutely in love, with it's 60's setting giving him plenty of inspiration.

"Howard and I work fairly quickly once we have the handle on what we’re doing. But we did go through a long period of outlines and song styles that we discarded. I decided that I wanted the musical approach to come from some early 1960s music—the girl group sound. It has a very dark, menacing ring. You can almost hear whips and chains in the background. There were two ponytailed teenagers in the movie and we decided to turn them into a black trio that functions as a Greek chorus, commenting on the action.”

Ashman added in the same interview

“People who see our show say, ‘It’s just like the movie.’ It really isn’t. The movie falls apart in the middle and has a weak ending. We added the S&M romance between Audrey and the sadistic dentist. We dropped the character who eats carnations and got rid of Seymour’s mother, who had an iron lung and bitched about everything. Most important of all—the bodies fed to the plant in the movie were accidental deaths, like a bum who is hit by a train. In our version, the deaths are planned by Seymour and he kills off some very important characters. I think our show has a more coherent structure. Once the musical was finished, a major problem was to find someone who could play Audrey II, the malevolent plant that reduces the cast to a minimum.”

This tightend up but still rediculous show was put on at the two's regular theater, the WPA (which they joked stood for "We put on anything). It was soon a success and much like Audrey II grew, and grew and grew, with the play being a sizeable hit with critical acclaim, paticuarlly for it's puppet. Said puppet was done by Martin Robinson, a seasame street vetran who'd play snuffleupaguss, and did a great job making nit really seem alive.

Some Fun Now:

One of the plays producers, David Geffen saw the Film's Potetial, and wanted to make a film adaptation, and got some pretty big names attached: both Martin "Old Genius Yells at Cloud" Scorcse and John "Multiple Murders" Landis were attached at one point, the former wanting to shoot it in 3D

Geffen then offered the film to an at the time rookie director, but one who'd still more than proven himself. Frank Oz. Muppet Maestro extrodinare, co-director of the Dark Crystal who was just coming off Muppets Take Manhattan. Oz turned it down at first as he didn't really have a cinematic approach to it. Once it came to him though he quickly agreed. They had a script.. but Oz wisely noticed it was stage bound.

This is important as some musical adaptations fall flat simply because of staging: for instance a good chunk of the flack the adaptation of in to the woods got.. was that it was shot and staged like a play.. despite being you know a movie. It probably also didn't help it was shot like someone took a baseball bat to all their lighting rigs.

So Oz's first priority being "take this already great script and simply make it cinematic" is one of the very first great things I can point out about the film. Having now seen both while the Stage PLay is excellent as is, Oz takes what's there and elevates it: While most of the action's still in the titular shop, the shop itself is now split level and most musical numbers are taken beyond one of the plays three locations to really make them pop with Skid Row now being a giant crowd number to show how desperate things are, Da Doo being a full flashback that's ironically presented like a stage play, Dentist being mostly set in Orin's office and on the back of his bike, and Suddenly Seymour being taken to a back alley. All simple touches but ones that make the numbers feel a bit more alive and keeps the setting from feeling clostrophobic: we still spend most of the picture in the plant shop but unlike the musical or original film, you don't start to FEEL it. Giffen and Ashman liked what he had and thus we were off to the races.

Casting wise there dosen't seem to have been a lot of drama. The only real bit I got form the interview I used is that Cyndi Lauper was considered for audrey, and while she would've been great i'm sure, I wholly agree with Oz that Ellen Green, who originated the role, was perfect. I can't imagine anyone else in the roll.

A Strange and Interesting Plant:

That brings us to the puppetry and if anything proves this has muppet blood it's the team Frank Oz assembled: To design it he brought on Lyle Conway, the designer for Dark Crystal, to make it he brought on the team from Labyrinth and to move it he brought back Robinson and added Brian Henson. I can't overstate how much Oz was the right man for the job based on this alone: someone else COUDL'VE done it but the effects wouldn't of been nearly as perfect without a team of this level and someone to put it together of Frank's level. It's far from the only reason this film is good, but it's certainly one of the highest.

I can't gush enoguh about the plant puppets: it looks real, the rubbery nature of it resembling the texture of a rubbery plant in real life, the lips being perfect to open and emote and usually resting in a mildly unesettling smile, perfect for the smug manipulator Twoey is.

Something I hadn't really taken note of before but Oz pointed out was the baby versions designed, with it's flowers resembling a bonet, a nice touch to show how harmless it looks at first.. which helps sell the message: just because something or someone LOOKS harmless dosen't mean they can't be dangerous in the right circumstances.

It only gets better with each phase and I notice how Twoey looks creepier at each phase... being fairly mundane in it's first two, a bit unerving when we get to "I can talk and I can move" , and truly terrifying in it's last few phases, with it's teeth growing and growing each time as it's powers grow.

As for getting it to move right that took a trick I"m STILL impressed by and still looks near seamless: so when playing the dailies back, Oz noticed tooey didn't quite move right. It was a bit slow.. but he noticed when rewinding or fast forwarding it Toey moved just as it should. So he had a bit of a bonkers idea: have the actors move slower in scenes with the plant as a puppet, so they could speed up the footage. And to his credit while many a director would just run with this and tell the actors to get over it, especially at the time.. oz genuinely worried about the problems this faced and was sympathetic in pitching it. And to their credit... everyone was game. They saw it as a fun challenge.

Otherwise productoin seemed to go fine... with two big exceptions. The first was after test screenings, the studios wanted to replace Levi Stubbs with Rodney Dangerfield to make the plant less scary

Look I love Rappin Rodney. He's the best. He gave us one of the greatest lines in all of cinema

He's dearly missed.. but while he CAN sing, unsuprisingly, he's just not a good fit for this role. Audrey II is a tempting force, a manipulator, a smooth talker, and Rodney is none of those things. A schemer yes, a loveable everyman yes, a rap god, yes. But he was not Audrey II, Levi Stubbs was and i'm so damn greatful this abomination didn't happen, as hilarious as it would've been.

There was ANOTHER problem with test audiences, one i'm sure you all know and if not your going to... but that's best saved for when we get to the end. For now with all the behind the scenes behind us, for now, let's take a look at the events that started on the 21st day of the month september, in a decade not too long before our own, when the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to it's very existence. And this terrifying enemy suddenly surfaced, as such enemies often do,

In The Seemingly Most Innocent and Unlikely of Places.

We open the film with our title track.. and the stage show too but i'll just be saying "the film" for simplicites sake, though i'll still be covering where the versions diverge, unique stuff to both etc.

The title track is a decent , fun number to introduce it, done over a black screen on stage and in front of Mushniks in the movie.

Regardless of versoin it's sang by Crystal, Ronette and Chiffon, a trio of black singers and local teens who serve as our greek chorus. Their treatment is also one of the bigger diffrences between the stage and screen versions: on stage the three interact with the cast more and are more actual characters, getting a whole number with Seymour we'll get to and trying to get rid of Orin.

In the musical while two of their scenes interacting with the main cast remain, Mushnik shoing them away and the trio recommending Audrey date Seymour, their role as a greek chorus is emphasised, with the three appearing in more places and costumes, like on a roof in evening gowns for "Some fun now' in the dentist office for "Dentist!", in the florist at night for "Suppertime", and in an office in "The Meek Shall Inheret".

I prefer the film version. While they still had to have them as characters.. .after act 1 of the play they mostly vanish aside from chorus bits. This not only gives them more to do, but helps create a nice little question mark: are these three showing up everywhere, is it in the characters heads, artistic lisense, are they magic? We really don't know and I like it that way. The scenes of them as real people are still there.

Tichia Arnold, Michelle Weeks, and Tisha Campbell do a phenominal job in the roll and have a hell of a vocal range. They aren't given as much as the rest of the cast and it is a shame three of the only black performers in the cast aren't given as much to do in this version, but they still make the most of what screentime they have. Fun fact, Arnold and Campbell would later go on to both be on the sitcom Martin. I've never watched Martin, I never really want to, but I figured it was worth pointing out.

It's once we actually get inside the shop, Mushnik's Skid Row Florists that we meet our three leads: Mr Mushnik, the shop's owner played by character actor Vincent Gardenia, shrill voiced and gold hearted Audrey played by Ellen Greene as previously noted and my boy, the man the myth and the legend, Rick Moranis as Seymour Krelborne, Mushnik's hired hand, adopted son in all but legal papers, and hopless nerdy klutz.

The trio are perfectly cast.. granted that goes for everyone. Gardenia is hilariously shouty as the hammy Mushnik, being a worthy sucessor to the original film's equally hammy highlight. Mushnik is made a bit more of a dick here, as instead of being mad at Seymour for simply being really bad at his job he abuses someone whose just a tad clumsy, who he adopted and he basically treats as an indentured servant. He's also bumped down from Deutragonist to main cast.

Audrey gets a huge glow up going from a pretty forgetable character, to a tragically heartbroken one, a woman who assumes, very wrongly, she deserves the abuse her dentist boyfriend Orin gives her. Granted I don't like how Ashman seems to think BDSM is the same as domestic abuse, but Oz does a good job in the film downplaying the bdsm part, instead making it clear Orin is just a sadistic bastard. More on him later. Greene plays audrey perfectly: she has a goofy, perfectly doofy voice for adurey.. but she portrays it with such sincerty and heart. Audrey is a genuinely kind person: you can see why Seymour falls for her even if she can't see it. Audrey is someone who, as I relate to all too easily, hates themselves and sees their not worth it. We also get some nicely sex positive messaging with her, especailly for the 80's: while the bdsm mentions have aged like Ragu on a sidewalk, especially after 50 shades of grey ALSO didn't get what BDSM was and linked it to abuse, the internalized misogny audrey has, that just because she was a stripper (as is heavily implied) once and likes to dress how she pleases she's unworthy.. when really she's fine as is and fine as who she is. It's Orin who deserves to die.

Finally we have Seymour himself, played by the man, the myth, the boy, Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis slaps. He was an icon of the 80's and while he had to leave to raise his kids, he left at the height of his game. Moranis was the nerd of the 80's so he was perfectly cast. What this film also shows off , and thus i've always known about, but dosen't get shown off in say ghostbusters or other awesome roles.. is the fact that Moranis can sing. Moranis has a gorgeous voice, as does most of the cast here, and perfectly captures this version of seymour: someone who like Audrey, dose'nt think much of themselves but wants more for themselves, they just don't see a way out of where they are.

And where they are is DOWNTOWN, aka skid row, one of the best numbers of the musical. While it's decent enough in the original stage, Oz takes it up a notch, making it a giant, impactful crowd number, taking us all around as we hear just how hard it is for the people of skid row and how hopless it is.. and how much both Audrey and Seymour want to escape it despite the odds being against them. it's a beautiful I want song and one of the best, backed by Beatrice Reading's beautiful belting to open the song. A true masterpiece

So after that number we get a fun time passing montage, as with each shot we see it pass... and eventually see Mushnik throw up his hands and give up. They haven't sold anything all day, and he's going to close down the place.

Seymour however has a solution: they need a hook, an attraction. IT's him rather than Dick Miller who has the idea here which honestly... is just plain smart. While they sadly cut the Dick Miller Flower Eating guy out of the musical versions, I get he was suplerflous and he gets a perfect succesor in a moment and it makes way more sense for Seymour to just present the idea of his strange and intresting plant himself.

Seymour brings it up, the Audrey II. Audrey is flattered, Mushnik thinks the idea that this will work is laughable but figures why not... and then a weird man enters. This weird man is played by future comedy legend Christopher Guest of Waiting For Guffman and Best in Show Fame. I.. I can't understate how much I loved this guy even before finding out he was christopher guest a few years ago: his weirdly hammy way of talking, his suit, the way he says "what a stragne and intresting plant" you have to see him for yourself sometime. I also love how he titls his head when everyone says "twice as many"

As for how Seymour got it that leads us to Da-Do, a fun doo wop exposition number that in the movie is turned from just Seymour telling us in frame, to a neatly staged bit that looks like a play in construction. He buys it from Chang (Da-Do), a chinese botnist who sells him weird and intresting plants. Chang didn't make this one though, as TO-TAL ECLIPSE OF THE SUN! (ding), leads to the plant beaming in and while neither man knows how it got there, Chang sells it to Seymour anyway for a dollar nintey five.

The strange man almost walks bout but then comes back to buy a dozen roses , then TWICE AS MANY, TWICE AS MANY? (Twice as many?), leading to a flood of new customers and the florist being saved

Problem is Tooey isn't feeling so good Mr. Krelbourne, so Seymour's forced to spend the night trying to fix it. It's then we get another banger, Grow for Me. Spoiler: this entire soundtrack is fucking great in both versions, but especially the film. Oz shows his smart framing again here, having the number in the basement rather than the main area, giving us a bit of breathing room. The number is really just rick singing to the plant while moving around but his awesome and sincre vocals and the hilarious lyrics make it a joy.

When Seymour asks "whaddya want from me blood"... Tooey's response is...

So he opens a vein and the plant grows for him, leading to Seymour getting an interview on the radio

In both versions the interview is off screen, with us only seeing it through Mushnik and the trio (in the stage) and audrey (in the film) listening. What the film adds is a nice extra bit of Seymour actually going to the station. The station bit is really there for one and only one reason: so we can get a John Candy cameo. And frankly every film while he was alive should've been mandated to have a john candy cameo

John Candy is a comedy legend who died too young. He also has a history with Moranis, as the two were on the awesome sketch show SCTV in the 80's, so it was likely an easy ask to get Candy on here. The two also once did a song together on SCTV. It is also not necessary to this review but i'd be doing a diservice if I didn't play it for ya

Even when the man is trying NOT to play good he slaps. if anything the fact he can sing well enough to sing awkwardly on purpose and still have it not HURT to listen to and be funny.. god I love this man.

Anyways John plays Wink Wilkin, a local DJ whose really just there for John Candy to show how hilariously awkawrd it is when a dj does a bit while someone's standing right there watching it. He's also on the Blu Ray cover for some reason

This SCTV character is not vincent gardenia, what are you doing.

Anyways in the stage version Seymour coming back from the interview, after failing to give the adress, leads to "Ya Never Know", our first cut number.... KINDA.

See while the other three cut numbers are entirely gone from the musical, Ya Never Know was simply remixed into "Some Fun Now", taking the last part of Ya Never Know and making it into a slightly diffrent song. This change is for the better as while Ya Never Know rocks, it tightens up the pacing and instead of a random mid day musical number, we get a later juxtopistion of the fun and upbeat "Ya never know" with Seymour giving more and more blood to Toey.

Before we get to Some Fun Now though we have another number as the trio ask Audrey what the heck she sees in Orin. And what I do like is that while most people around Audrey tell her to "Just leave"... the film and stage show make it clear that it isn't that easy. It's honestly a great depection of abuse: while the idea that most victims have low self esteem isn't great, the idea that their abuser chips away at that and exploits that is very clear in how Orin treats her and how Audrey sees herself. Not only that, we get a very VALID reason why she dosen't leave him "If he does this when he likes me imagine what he'd do if I left?". The only people Audrey has in her corner are a kind nerd she dosen't want to see horribly mangled and an old man who would certainly try. No one would protect her if she left, so she can't. It's a horrible and tragic circumstance and a shockingly frank depection of abuse in what's otherwise a pretty light musical, and a hint that this musical.. isn't nearly as light as it appears on the surface.

So all Audrey can do is dream of a house somewhere that's green, leading to our next number. And as a kid.. I hated this one. It was long, it went on forever and I didn't really find the jokes that funny. oh hahaha 12 inches was a big screen.

As an adult... it's heartbreaking. Audrey is so trapped in her situation all she can do is pine for a future she thinks she can only dream about, one she feels deep down she and Seymour will never have and will never live to see. The last part's true depending on the ending, which makes it hurt that much more: knowing what's comign for her, knowing what twisted version of her dream she gets.. it hurts. It tangibly hurts.

Outside of being beautiful, well crafted sad, this sequence also brings an element I really didn't notice before to the foreground: captalisim. The film really takes the screws to our society, how some barely scrape by and can only dream and how some can ONLY get ahead through sheer luck. Seymour only found Audrey II because of a freak TO-TAL E-CLIPSE OF THE SUN! (ding). When your poor.. the world just wants to keep you that way and while working your way out IS an option.. it may not always work out. Mushnik has a nice flower shop for what he can get.. but it's dying simply because he can't afford a place not on skid row, where few people can really afford what he sells. And as the film goes on we see sometimes the way out... will eat you alive in the process.

Anyways, captalizim aside, I also love the designwork here. I used not to register just how much work it must've been to make this sort of thing but OZ and co really went out of their way to make some truly neat sets that feel unreal and plastic. So while it's still not a song I go back to a lot, it's one I apricate a lot more.

So we then get Orin.. and to my shock his intro's a bit diffrent in the stage play. Him riding up on his motorbike while singing on a purposefully crappy green screen is so awesome I hadn't thought "Well yes Jake but that's impossible to do on stage. ". Instead he talks with the Trio a bit. As you can probably guess... I prefer the film version, and once again it's less nostalgia or familiarity and more just showmanship. It's not really a fair contest as Frank made sure this was as film friendly as possible, so each number is him going all out while on stage it's just like any stage musical: it's what you can do on a stage. Dosen't make it any less awesome, my hatchetfield reviews should make that clear, it's just hard to compare to what OZ pulled off.

At any rate Dentist! is one of the most iconic numbers of the film and that's thanks in addition to Menkin's perfect 50's greaser ditty, to the charisma of one Steve Martin. Like Moranis I shoudln't have ot introduce steve martin who at 78 is not only still acting and has never quite stopped, he's also currently starring in the popular Only Murders in the Building with fellow SCTV alum Martin Short. I'd love for Rick or Ellen to pop up on there frankly even if I don't watch the show.

At any rate, Dentist is a gloriously hammy, surpisingly dark ditty about just what a monster orin is and how since "his temprament's wrong for preisthood and teaching would suit him still less" his mother recommended he become a dennnntttiiist and he'll be a sucess. And he is.. somehow. 1960's I suppose. The film gleefully outlines him as a hamm over the top villian, not just from shooting puppies with a bb gun and poimsning guppies when he was done but from little things Martin adlibed, with Orin just flat out socking his nurse in the face and tearing the head off a doll. It's so over the top it's hilarious and the song is so damn catchy and well done you can't help but sing along once you know the words. Add on the fact Steve Martin does a shockingly good elvis and you have one of the most perfect musical numbers and most hilariously over the top villian songs there is.

We soon meet Orin properly and what I love is that while Steve Martin gleefully hams it up with orin most of the time... he tones it down just enough when audrey enters. It's best shown when he meets Seymour. With Seymour he's flashy, happy to see him and recommends he get out of skid row asap. With Audrey.. he's quitely meancing, getting snippy when she dosen't add DDS to his name and snapping at her when she dosen't. But what makes it work.. is that it's kept realistic. Yes Orin is a greaser dentist about to be eaten by a plant, yes he's a bit goofy.. but the actual effect of his abuse and how he does it is played creepily real. He dosen't hit her in front of Seymour, with us only knowing he does because orin keeps leaving bruises, but it's very clear he has a tight control over her and Seymour's deeply uncomfortable the whole time, unable to actually DO anything to stop the guy despite knowing Audrey going off with him will only result in more pain for the poor woman.

Before Seymour can get an out for that we have to go back to the stage for one of the most suplerflous subplots i've seen in some time: So Mushnik is terrified Seymour is going to leave him and take the money and run, so he tries to adopt him. A 25 year old baby boy. Or 30 if you go by the movie which cut this out. We do get a great number out of it "Mushink and Son", where Mushnik tries to convince Seymour who mostly disagrees because he can see the lines but then Mushnik holds his breath for too long and Seymour agrees to become his son. It's entirely stupid and I love it, but I can see why i'ts cut. As a joke it's fine, hilarious and the number is fun. As part of the plot.. it goes nowhere. The florist shop is renamed Mushnik and Sons Skid Row Florist.. and that's it. It has no impact on Mushnik's later demise, the plot or anything but making Seymour feel on top of the world, which he already was. It's a nothing plot point only likely kept in all future versions because otherwise Mushnik's actor dosen't get a song.

So we get back to the main plot from that cul de sac and Seymour has a bit of an issue: while he could feed Twoey himself fine, he's not only tapped from previous feeings.. but Twoey is HUNGRY.. and with a loud whimpering feed me, Seymour finds out his plant can talk, he can move his trap he can demand more food.

With this Audrey's voice actor joins the party, Levi Stubbs. Stubbs was a member of 60's vocal quartet the Four Tops, a vetran singer who to my suprise was one of the inspirations for Hall and Oates. And their STILL active, switching out members as they go. They were such a big deal that Stubbs had to get the rest of the group's permission for this but thankfully he did.

Stubbs is a standout, perfectly nailing Twoey's character, maniuplative, smooth, and sinister. He can slip from threatning to tempting in an instant. One minute he'll be talking up Seymour the other he'll be telling him "does this look inanimate to you punk?" or telling him "Must be blood, must be fresh" one of my faviorite line deliveries from Stubbs as it's just so damn creepy. It underlines what Twoey needs.. someone to die for it. And a line Seymour isn't ready to cross.

So to push him over it we get the best song in the film, Feed Me (Gonna Get It), it's the first of THREE villian songs for Twoey in the film, two in the play, and it's the most iconic, outlining what this plant is right away: A deadly force.. but also a smooth manipulator, offering Seymour WHATEVER it takes to get him some lunch. The iconic "Would you like a cadilaic car, or a guest shot on jack par, how about a date with Hedy Lamar you gonna get it?". The I don't know bridge also nicely shows that Seymour. .isn't sold... this is a lot to ask and it's a high price tag. He sees the dollar signs.. but also sees the blood stains he'll have to clean out.. and the blood he can't ever scrub off his concious.

WE then get my faviorite part of the movie period. Twoey loudly belts out "a lotta folks dessserrrveee to die" a deftly manipulative line: after all it's a bit easier to muder if the person is bad right? One less scumbag right? or rather.. one lest dentist as in both versions Orin hits audrey where Seymour can see it and thus we get one of the best duets there's ever been as the two sing together. a one, a two IF YOU WANT A RATIONALE, IT ISN'T VERY HARD TO SEE NO NO NO, STOP AND THINK IT OVER PAL! THE GUY SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME, THE GUY SURE LOOKS LIKE PLANT FOOD TO ME!

Now (It's Just the Gas0

So Seymour goes to GO GET IT. Cue the dentist office. And the movie adds something back the stage musical took out. While most of it's characters were either excised for serving no real purpose (Seymour's Mom, Dick Miller, The Sex Worker, the Mourning Lady, the Cops), or changed up (The two teeny boopers becoming the trio), Oz saw fit to bring one cut back: the dental mascochist, Arthur Denton in this version.

For this cameo Oz once again casted a big name, this time on purpose: Bill Murray, asshole and comedy legend. Look recent reveals like.. dangling a teenager over a garbage can and rampant sexual harassment may not have me liking him as a person, and it's certainly hurt films I love such as Meatballs. But as usual with these sort of assholes.. I HAVE to give credit where it's due. Murray is, as usual fucking hilaroius, nicely playing off Martin, a pairing we really haven't gotten outside of this one scene, with Orin being disgusted since Denton gets turned on. And like Nichelson Murray has this hijlarious jolly energy, though his is a bit more over the top fitting his style.

Anyways Seymour goes in for his checkup, which like the original film, Orin plans to take WAY too far and fuck up his mouth, giving Seymour ANOTHER reason to want the man dead. And it's there things change... as in both versions the same event happens, if slightly diffrently. It's been shown before this in Dentist! that Orin is addicited to Nitrious Oxide, having made up his own special gas mask to endulge, a weird bubble helmet in the stage and a simplier one on screen that's still JUST goofy enough. Problem is ... the thing works a bit too well and Orin snaps off the knob... just as, in the film at least, Seymour points a gun at him.

HIs death is utterly horrifying in both versions. I like the films as Martin does a fantastic job selling orin is dying and the horror that he's dying as he's laughing, coughing wildly between laughs. I also LOVE the exchange they have, something original to the film that sums things up perfectly

Orin: What'd I ever do to you?! Seymour: It's not what you did to me.. it's what you did to her. Orin: Who? (it dawns on him as the lights start to go out) Oh... her.

It's a simple moment but it shows in one last bit.. Orin realizes why his grave was dug.

The stage version of Orin dies the same way.. but it's extra unerving.. as he SINGS while it happens. Our penultimate cut number, Now (It's Just the Gas). I get why this one was cut: while the others were either reformatted or simply too suplerflous to live.. this one would've been fine. Here's the best live version I could find on it's own. Jake Gyllehal is seymour for some reason

As you can see it's a nice mix... it's horrifying.. and really puts Seymour in a moment of truth: he COULD save Orin... but he ultimately can't bring himself to. This change is also big as it adds more moral greyness to Seymour: BOTH let the man die, but Seymour in the musical thinks it over more. Let's it set in more.

WHile I prefer the theater version... I still love both scenes and for what it adds to Seymour: it's forever a question of "did he let orin die on purpose or simply got too nervous to decide and the time ran out?" In both versions the guy simply.. can't pull the trigger.. but is letting Orin die a horrible death any better? is it REALLY Seymour's right to kill the guy? It makes the world better.. but was that his call? I like that the musical dosen't really answer these questions. Seymour feels GUILT.. but for what, for wanting audrey and clearing the way or for killing someone? For how orin died? All that's clear is there's no blood on his hands.

After this we get a stunning scene of Seymour feeding Audrey II. The stage version is excellent, with shadowed lighting as seymour throws the parts in. I really love the OZ version though, as he throws in a jazzy instrumental of mean grene mother from outer space... and some horrifying laughter as Seymour throws him parts wrapped up. Originally the parts were NOT wrapped up but the MPAA took issue with this.

Can't imagine why.

So with this we enter act 2 and finally get past our last cut full song, Closed for Renovations. It's cute and it exists, that's about it.

So the store's doing better, Seymour's star's rising and he only has nightmares from guilt every OTHER night.

He's not the only one as Audrey has a jolt of guilt from Orin's death. How varies, with the movie version talking to the cops and the musical version getting a far more heartbreaking jolt: Seymour wearing a jacket like his to try and impress her.. only for the ptsd and guilt to get to her. Audrey WANTED him gone.. and thus fears this is her fault. Seymour, who knows exactly who made him plant food comforts her.

This leads to one of the shows best numbers and one of it's signatures. It's also one of the few that's really not that diffrent between versions: Oz simply adds a sunset for a nice cinematic touch. IT's a tender, genuine romantic ballad between Audrey and Seymour finally confessing to one another and confriming their better than their brains give them credit for. Can relate. It's tender, well done and REALLY shows off Greene and Moranis' vocal range. The two REALLY hit the high notes, ESPECIALLY Greene. While Somewhere That's Green let her show off a little this is a whole damn parade of her vocal talents. It's nice, warm.. and very sad given what's about to happen in 2/3 versions of this story.

Though what happens next no matter the version isn't exactly chipper as Mr. Mushink confronts Seymour. And this.. is one of the biggest changed scenes in the whole musical and those changes are deeply important. In both Mushnik has figured out he killed orin the film version saw Seymour hacking and slashing up the corpse, the musical version got a call seymour had a bag there and saw red spots on the linoleium.

While those are still similar enough what seperates the Mushniks is intent: despite his earlier greed, Gravis GENUINELY wants to help Seymour in the play, begging him to come tell the cops his side and part of him clearly not beliving Seymour did it or if he did, he had a good reason.

The film version.. is the utter bastard we're used to. He holds Seymour at gunpoint and offers to let Seymour run away if he gives him the plant.. framing it as helping but really just wanting the money. One is a suprise show of decency.. the other is exactly what you'd expect, but with Garendia still giving Mushnik a nice tinge of clear horror at what his surrogate son has done. Either way it drives home how far Seymour's sunk, with Audrey before this showing the consequences. He killed a man..a nd he dosen't get to walk away.

Or does he? After all Twoey would prefer the more manipulatable person and thus sings to Seymour to feed Mushnik to him What I like is no matter the version, it's ambigious if Audrey II is actually communicating with Seymour.. or it's simply the Audrey II in his head. Mushink dosen't HEAR Audrey II but is that artistic license or is what's about to happen all seymour?

Well how MUCH it's Seymour depends on the version and it's something that hurts the original ending of the film: In the play.. Seymour is fully responsible. Twoey's talking him into it sure.. but Seymour tells Mushnik to look into the plant for the money. Which is stupid, and a nice takeaway from the original film, sure, but he still actively lead Mushnik there.

In contrast in the film... Seymour's at gunpoint, nervous and reluctantly backs him up to tooey, and is geninely unsure of how to tell him how to care, drawing it out.. and once again making it hard to tell if Seymour simply got nervous and Twoey took advantage or Semyour led him.

It's a key part of the film version; Seymour's guilt is way more ambiguous, which makes him more sympathetic. It's hard to tell how much is just making the wrong decision under pressure, and how much is intetnional. He also shows way more guilt.

Where Do I Sign?

What dosen't help is that both versions of the film cut out something important, the bridge of "The Meek Shall Inheret". The Meek Shall Inheret is a number I love, as Seymour's fame rises.. but as shown by Moranis' deft acting, it's eating him alive as the guilt is. And the bridge makes this clear.. but also makes him once and for all acountable.

Now did Oz go a bit TOO hard on adapting this bit? Fuck yes. I don't even know exactly what i'm looking at. There's a good bit or too like the bleeding painting of mushnik.

What's important is the singing and my GOD does moranis fucking kill it. This is easily his best vocal performance in the film..a nd it got left to the soundtrack. A real shame even if I do GET cuting this goofy version, if not you know, simply reshooting it. You don't NEED Audrey hugging a plant. Or plant seymour.. or most of this. The vines are a nice touch tho.

What's needed.. is Seymour's moment of weakness. WIth Orin, he simply acted too slowly and let a bad person die by his own hubris. With Mushnik, it was a moment of weakness or a moment of stress. Both left men dead and both aren't something he can walk back and will always carry with him.

The question is.... does Seymour give into the plant or fight back, does he KILL the beast before it grows and loose everything to do the right thing or selfishly give in? IT's the latter.. that seals Seymour's fate. That little last speck of insecurity and self hatred, that tiny voice that convinces him Audrey loved him for the plant and not who he is. And that's.. how Audrey II wins.

And leaving that out meant he couldn't POSSIBLY win. Which brings us to our finales.

Schrodinger's Audrey

The leadup is the same: with his guilt spiraling , Seymour asks Audrey to run away with him and get married, leaving Audrey II behind. The stage version.. runs on plot contrivance. Up to this point it's well plotted and the actual tragic finale is a heartbreaker.. but how we get there is

Okay so Seymour talks to Audrey about running away.. IN FRONT OF TWOEY. The one person he shoudln't. And it's not like the play dosen't have an alleyway set or they can't just dim the lights so it's implied he's not in the shop. I get the final plant puppet is MASSIVE but you COULD hide it. even just have Seymour throw a sheet over him.

Then while he's getting Twoey some sirloin, Audrey comes by because she can't sleep. That's it. The entire tragic ending.. happens because of stupidity and concidence. And seymor's hubris and weak spine, but the fact the last 15 minutes happen because of this just. .baffles me. The play is so good otherwise, honest, and the rest of the ending is great. But this one part just.. astounds me in both how flimsy it is and how it's never been re-written. WHy wouldn't you?

So Twoey tricks Audrey into getting him some water. She's nervous and senses something's off... but sadly not before Twoey eats her alive. And it's with that action the ending snaps back into the quality of the rest of the show, as Seymour comes in to save her.. but it's too late. His actions have had a consequence and his refusal to try and kill Tooey while he still could... cost him the only good thing in his life that didn't come with strings attached and never had. Audrey, selfless and kind as always, asks to be fed to the plant, not realizing what Seymour has become or what he's done and simply wanting to be with him somewhere tha'ts green. And to their credit while Twoey is a monster... in both this version and the film, he let's Seymour gently place her inside, honoring her sacrifice.

Seymour is left a mess after this, and only snaps out of his suicidal spiral when a salesman offers to make MORE Audrey II's... and thus Seymour gets the picture: The plant wants to conquer the world.As brilliantly put in the film in one of my faviorite parts in the whole thing.

Seymour: Every household in america, thousands of ya eating, that's what you had in mind all along isn't it?

Seymour: We're not talking about one Hungry Plant Here, we're talking about world conquest

Audrey II: And I wanna thankkkkkk youuuuuuu

It sells that this is SEYMOUR'S fault.. and in the play at least.. it's too late. He made the wrong choice... and it's too late to save the world.. or himself. Despite every attempt, despite going into the plant to kill it.. Seymour dies. THe plant gets sold to every supermarket in the world... and as "Don't Feed the Plants" plays, we learn everyday jerks like Seymour bought the deal. The world is doomed... and evne if the chorus tells us "we still have a chance" it dosen't seem likely.

And this ending.. is fantastic. It's a well needed aseop: that ANYONE can do horrible things with the right motivation. It's probably less shocking nowadays in the true crime boom built off that premise, but even then most people watching that stuff think "Naht hat isn't me". The point of the show is ... no it could be. Seymour isn't a HORRIBLE person, he isn't pure evil... but he still let two people die horrible deaths because it was easy and backed down from the hard path... and paid the price. Actions have consequences, and doing horrible things to get ahead just isn't worth it. It's not worth loosing your soul to feed the plant.

So that leads us to the film which infamously has TWO endings. The original was a variant of this one, the other something diffrent Both start the same way though: Frank fixes one of the few problems with the play by.. not having Seymour be a complete putz. He makes the plans to flee where he thinks Tooey isn't watching, in the Alley, and tries to sneak out, then does the sirloin thing as a compromise, clearly planning to leave after that. And rather than hapinstance.. it's Twoey that kicks off the finale. Seymour's going to renege on their deal? Well that's just fine.. then he's no longer of use.. and neither is Audrey. So he calls her over and reveals himself, with a truly nice shot from her apartment across the street as we see the plant grinning. She's certainly feeling uneasy.. but her kindness and trusting nature make it easy to see why she tries to feed the plant some water when asked.... and ends up lunch.

This is where the two endings split. A Schrodinger's Audrey if you will: She's not alive OR dead despite the obvious implications towards the latter while being eaten.. i'ts only when she's pulled out can you tell which ending you have: if her wedding dress is clean, it's the theatrical cut, if it's blood i'ts the original.

So before we talk about the different endings, you have to ask

Most films have test screenings: these are a way for studios to see if they have a hit on their hands or arbitrarily bury a movie, gage audience reactions, see what might need to be cut or what needs to be reshot. These aren't a bad thing entirely as sometimes testing can really help a film.

In this case it did and it didn't. The film was a cinch to get raitings for most of it... laughter, hollering. It was a crowd pleaser... until we get here. Until they kill Audrey then Seymour. Hearts are broken and the bad guys win.. and no one was happy with them getting only 16 percent liking it. Oz suggested another test.. and same result.

So while he wasn't happy about it, as the original ending had a lot of expensive puppets, minitures and fit more aseop wise.. he changed it so the film would get released.

It was then.. that the original ending was lost. All frank had was a black and white workprint which he DID put on the dvd.. till Giffen told him to take it off and said "Oh we'll just put the color one on" now where did I put it..

Yeah he didn't have it and it still frustrates me the ending was mostly lost. Thankfully a fan happened to have the original print and it was restored in 2013, but for most of my life the theatrical ending WAS the ending. I only saw the original one in a lifestream someone was doing around halloween and in the janky workprint.

So on paper it'd be obvious with ending is better: The original, the director's intended vision. But it's just.. not that simple. The hard truth is , as much as I love this film NEITHER ending completely works. Both are good.. but neither COMPLETELY fit the film Oz made

The original is , as said, close to the plays: Audrey is pulled out and Ellen green acts her heart out as she asks to be fed to the plant. If ther'es one big tragedy to this ending not getting in it's that Greene didn't get her oscar for this scene. God damn.

So Seymour decides to unalive himself out of guilt, only to meet the sales guy, realize tooey's plan and go to stop him. We also get one line that isn't in the thetrical cut "Your a monster and so am I" it shows tha tunlike the musical.. Seymour has realized their both monsters.. but only one is getting out of here. He has to do the right thing even if he dies.

He tries his best as we get one of the best numbers int he musical, my clossseeee second faviorite mean green mother from outer space as Audrey II talks about how badass he is in one long, awesome villian song, one of the best in existance. He easily beats Seymour. Ashman and Menkin made this for the film, to get nominated for best original song, which worked. They lost somehow but hey, points for trying. MGMFOS is a banger, and one of the musicals best in any medium, nad i'm glad stage productions added it in as damn is it fun. IT's also a puppetry feast as the giant final puppet moves, grooves and has little backups. it's a truly awesome musical moment and a spectcale for the eys, a deserving finale

And it's also... why this ending dosen't quite work. In the play Seymour goes down swinging and while still likeable, wasn't the best person by the end. His death went down easier. Movie Seymour showed WAY more visable guilt, being wracked with it and while he tried to dodge it it was clear it was eating him alive... and without that bridge, without that one moment of weakness... he comes off less as someone who willingly sold out to twoey after the two murders, and more as somone whose swept up in the tide of all he ever wanted but desperate to escape it as he knows the price tag is caked in blood. And as bad as he was.. some of that blood was his father figures.

As a result a 3 minute musical number where Seymour is humilaited AFTER the guy nearly killed himself AFTER having to give up the love of his life, knowing it was all his fault she's dead... is a bit much. It's karmic overkill. Seymour dosen't deserve to walk off scott free, he has to live with what he's done. But OZ both made Seymour way more sympathetic.. and then piled on way more punishment. I'm again not saying Seymour deserves to get the hell out of this unscathed, he let two horrible things happen and needs to stop the monster he created. But this was overkill

It dosen't help that after Seymour's death, and the plants taking over... the ending drags on for a WHILE. The director's cut does have GREAT puppet and miniture work that's just outright wasted in the theatrical cut, cool shots of the plants taking over the world. It's neat stuff. But it's also not edited like it probably would hav ebeen had it been propertly released, so it's about 30% good content and 70% the plants fucking shit up while laughing a lot. It's cool at first but after a while you just want it to end. And the end of Audrey II bursting through the screen is awesome but I GET why the test audiences hated this: It's not just the bad guy winning, that's a horror staple, i'ts that he basically rubs your nose in it for 15 minutes. The ending isn't terrible and I do get why people prefer it, as THEMATICALLY it's better.. but I wish we could get a cut with it edited down. otherwise while still a LOT of overkill for seymour, it'd flow way better.

So that means the focus group ending is 100% better right?

Yeah while I like the theatical cut ending a touch more... it's far from perfect. It's not bad: Seymour rescues Audrey, realizes what's going on from Jim Belushi (And we get the iconic line "IF you two kids would just stop singing for a minute"), and goes to confront the plant one on one to atone for what he's done. It helps that while we don't get the great your a monster and so am I line, we do get Seymour going in. He COULD run from the thing.. but he knows running is what got him into this. being passive, not helping anyone when he could. It's only actoin that will get him out

Mean Green Mother works WAY better as a villianous last stand than as a victory lap. It's still boastful, still awesome and Seymour is still outmatched.. but it works better when it's not "Someone whose genuinely trying to atone for horrible things getting battered" and more "A hero barely surviving against the beast he created. " Context helps.

It's HOW Twoey goes out that makes this kinda weak, as is Seymour just.. getting away from it. Feed the plants and you can escape the consequences of your actions! You can just bluescreen them to death and get your somewhere tha'ts green..e ven if it comes with a strange and inresting plant.

Thematically the ending dosen't QUITE work, changing it more to "accepting personal responsiblitY" than "your actoins have consequences and you can't just avoid them less they destroy you". But honestly.. it dosen't hurt the film bad enough. The changes to Seymour mean we root for him more. We're probably not supposed to, but Rick Moranis is just too damn likeable and sympaathetic and portrays the guilt too well. But the new aseop "When you do a bad thing, you need to own up to and face it not run away from it or claim you could've done nothing" DOES really hit in an age where many a person will deny they did anything when their ugly past takes root. Seymour did fuck up, but he coudln't exactly tell the cops, and while it took a push risked his life to undo his mistake. Again it's far from perfect, but for an ending that had to be made on the fly it works well and for the film Frank Oz made.. it works perfectly.

So that's Little Shop of horrors... and as should be obvious.. I love both vresions. The movie more, ending issues and all. It has phenominal performances, wonderful numbers and top notch effects. If you haven't seen it and this hasn't convinced you, I don't know what else I could possibly say except.. thanks for reading.

Next Time: We finish this retrospective with the piece of little shop history we all like to forget.

[pukner]

✨masterpost of my works✨

posted to my ao3

[this post is subject to editing in the future]

Since I intend on using Tumblr a bit more now, and because I like neat lists, I thought it'd be prudent do make a little list of what I have out on ao3 right now!

My name's Looth, and I am ENTIRELY at the whims of my hyperfixations. I'm on twitter and pillowfort by the same handles, but I rarely use the latter.

fandoms: Stranger Things, Our Flag Means Death, The Witcher (Netflix) and Good Omens

[list under the cut!]

fanfiction

Good Omens:

A Nanny? In MY Summoning Circle?

A twoshot wherein Warlock Dowling meets his Nanny again, via the very normal uni student past time of trying to summon a demon with a book you found in a dodgy bookshop. Very fluffy, genderqueer Warlock.

[Complete] 2/2, 10.5k

The Witcher (Netflix):

The Viscount

[geraskefer endgame]

A 5+1 that works on the premise that "I'm from Lettenhove" is a sort of codeword in the royal class for children that have fallen out of grace with their court/family? And the higher your rank in Lettenhove, the worse the thing you have done is? Lots of Jaskier shenanigans, aggressive found family and genderfluid Jaskier.

Based on a post by @artistsfuneral.

[WIP] 3/?, 1.3k

build me up, buttercup [rated M]

[geraskefer endgame]

A longfic I've been chipping away at since 2020, dear God. Features Jaskier and Yen being fake married and co-parenting Ciri, Geralt getting adopted, the found family inherent to bards and the city of Oxenfurt, ftm Jaskier and Ciri having a well-deserved identity crisis. Also, ocs galore, gratuitous academia, and also Valdo Marx is immortal and Jaskier's annoying best friend.

Geraskefer endgame. My baby, who I will return to as soon as I am able.

[WIP] 15/?, 64k

Our Flag Means Death:

the inertia series [rated E]

a three-part series following Israel Hands as he attempts to move on from the things keeping him trapped in amber, unable to grow.

[steddyhands endgame]

[Complete] 62.9k

1. love like a dog on a leash

Izzy Hands encounters an old friend in the form of Sam Bellamy, Ed starts a barfight, and Stede learns some backstory.

All of these men are haunted in some way.

1/1, 5.5k

2. open season

Izzy Hands finds himself inexplicably being courted by various pirates to be their first mate. No one has addressed that fact that he isn't looking for a new Captain; he already has two. Steddyhands endgame, features some Jackhands.

A long look at the dynamics between Ed and Izzy, and now Stede, and the older dynamics of Ed, Izzy, Calico Jack Rackham and Sam Bellamy. Actually, it's a look at Izzy himself, and his various traumas and the way he's transitioning from being in a Black Sails type dark genre to this weird muppet land everyone else on this ship seems to live in.

7/7, 44.5k

3. red sky at morning

An epilogue, wherein the boys all contend with the future on the horizon; the good and the bad of it.

1/1, 11.9k

stranger things

[my current hyperfixation send help]

Eddie Munson and the Dreamboy

[steddie]

Wherein Eddie and El traverse the inside of Steve's mind, and encounter various Steves at different points in his life trying to find where he's hidden himself to escape Vecna's final curse.

A 5+1, featuring Steve's Scoops Ahoy flirting, a little baby Steve, and El's hair.

[Complete] 1/1, 8k.

Dustin Henderson and the Lovebirds

[steddie]

Five times Dustin Henderson was subjected to Eddie Munson being gross and sappy and in love with Steve Harrington, and one time Steve didn't even have to be there.

Features Steve being serenaded, Eddie Munson's Roger Rabbit Impression, Steve's Tiny Gym Shorts, and a good old fashioned worm conversation. Also, gay dnd.

[Complete] 1/1, 9.7k

always burning, world keeps turning

a two-part series set in a soft post-apocalyptic Hawkins, where community and family keep everyone going. And Steve and Eddie kiss about it.

[steddie]

[WIP]

1. took you for a working boy

In a post-apocalypse, mildly nightvale-flavoured Hawkins, Steve and Eddie are the only ones who aren't aware they're dating. Steve does not have a gender crisis but does have a lot of difficulty finding the words for it all, Eddie is oblivious but earnest (and running a radio show, Dr. Death Defying or Cecil Palmer style), Steve and Robin are ACTUALLY soulmates, and everyone's doing their best.

I cannot stress how much everyone thinks they're already dating. Featuring genderqueer Steve, disaster gay Eddie, scheming younger teens, and lots of stobin fluff.

[complete] 6/6, 43.8k

2. hometown blues

The sequel to working boy, wherein Gareth, Vickie and Steve's mom encounter how fucking weird Hawkins has got in their absence, and take it with varying degrees of grace.

[WIP] 3/? 17k

off-script

Wherein Steve Harrington has his sexuality all figured out, Eddie's in comically heavy denial, and everything rapidly snowballs from there.

[steddie]

1. off the beaten path

Wherein Steve figures out he's bi before Eddie figures out he's gay, but Eddie STILL manages to fall first.

Features Steve talking himself though discovering his sexuality in approximately five minutes while on the phone with a baffled Jonathan, and him aggressively flirting with the local metalhead. He's also very good at being an unreliable narrator.

It ALSO features said local metalhead (who thinks himself straight) accidentally flagging, calling Steve Harrington princess in a totally straight way, and doing the ttrpg equivalent of doodling your crush's name on a notebook over and over. Also, somehow he's convinced himself he just hates Steve.

This won't end badly for anyone, I'm sure.

[Complete] 6/6, 34.2k

2. no boys allowed

Robin Buckley has her very first Girls' Day. She gets her hair braided, consoles her heartbroken best friend, and everyone muddies the water a bit on the exact definition of what a Girl is.

Steve Harrington has a good cry about Eddie Munson.

[Complete] 1/1, 7.5k

3. here be dragons

Eddie Munson has kissed a boy, and now he has to handle the fallout. He's got to grapple with the fact that he likes boys, likes a boy, and the harrowing fact that he may have inadvertently broken said boy's heart.

Or, a rapidly snowballing fic that's become a series of character studies by accident. Features Mike Wheeler kicking Eddie's ass into gear, ruminations on being a fashion-assigned dom, Steve Harrington's Various Abandonment Issues, and a surprise Tommy Hagan.

[WIP] 6/?, 38.9k

original works:

court of law

A mildly unhinged second person pov piece about a person going to college and finding that he's trapped in a bizarre dreamscape with no memories. And a new body. He accidentally steals a cute boy's name.

Lots of shenanigans, lots of gender and bad jokes.

[WIP] 6/?, 13k

[sterek-ao3feed]

The Lovers, the Dreamers, and Me

Read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/55538260

by Renmackree

Stiles Stilinski is a Necromancer. Derek Hale is a Guardian of the Dead.

They have a very interesting relationship.

Words: 1497, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski

Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Necromancer Stiles Stilinski, Grim Derek Hale, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Song: Rainbow Connection (Muppets), stiles talks to a spirit, Sad and Happy, I don't know how else to tag this but it's fluffy and soft and they are boyfriends your honor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55538260