#rare none bsd post

[thinkeral]

Ah yes... the college experience

Hmmm, yes. A prestigious institution many wish to enter. Producing fine future leaders in various fields, sure to do well in society.

The institution in question:

what does this m e a n

[thinkeral]

Daily affirmations

[tunamayuuu]

“i actually stopped being into bsd for a full ass year and ever since that shin soukoku doodle i made, it comforted a big part of me that felt horrible everytime i'd post bsd onto socmed knowing my more passionate works didn't get as much engagement as shitposts ahaha...”

• Oh yeah I remember you mentioning that somewhere and tbh I get that it happened to me too but with Kny (⁠〒ω〒) It's unfair, and upsetting, the engagement rate on most art posts–that aren't either skk nor a meme–in this fandom, but I'm glad you're getting more love, because you deserve all of it with your work!! You put a lot of care into it and your hard work bears fruit to beautiful art! I can't really blame the people for wanting some relief from the depressive canon through memes and shitposts, but I also can't deny that it does sting.

“the kny-ified bsd au was and still is an au project i want to keep working on!! i have a looong list of the full cast, it's just that i always get side quests and wanting to draw OTHER things and getting into OTHER new medias i wanna draw and yeah that's why it's taken years for me to complete anything orz (i have plenty of files of the au that i never posted because they're all unfinished or uncolored and i thought i won't do my au justice if none of them were colored yk?)”

• I felt that on a spiritual level istg ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ It's understandable, and imo drawing for a different fandom is a good change of pace and helps avoid burnout since drawing the same fandom all the time could get tiresome, even if you would generally find it fun. (I get it, and I honestly admire your dedication to give the best you have for your works, so take your time with your projects, I know you're working hard and I think I speak for a lot of us when I say we'll never rush you to have anything finished and posted right away.)

“i'm not an inokana fan myself but i'd love to hear your take on them! i just wanted to draw kyokenji at that time ehehei will always say that rengokunikida was def not my idea. it was an idea from a bsd friend! they even explained to me how it could work and i never looked back”

• My take on inokana: They complement each other in many ways. Inosuke is very loud, and Kanao is very quiet, but they've both seen each other in the rare state where they're not. I feel like Inosuke could bring out a little immaturity in Kanao and that she could teach Inosuke a fraction of patience. Inosuke definitely has some form of appreciation for her skills and capabilities, and he'd definitely hold her in high regard in his own mountain king way. I don't know why, but a gut feeling tells me they'd agree on a lot of things for completely different reasons, and I suppose she'd humour him when he wants to go exploring in the forests because why not? Personal hc: they would've stayed by each other's side during recovery where Kanao would tell Inosuke more about Shinobu, and would also tell him the occult stories Shinobu always used to tell while Kanae covered her ears. Anyways yeah I care about them a lot. The bsd friend that suggested rengokunikida is a genius because it's so fitting. The immaculate coincidence of both of them getting impaled in the stomach by an immortal being WHILE SMILING AND LOOKING AT PEACE is too perfect.

“i'm actually not sure who would take murata's role in the au because we know next to nothing about canon tecchou. michizou already takes sabito's role so.....? ALSO I FINALLY GOT TO ANSWER THIS BECAUSE! fukuchi is not urokodaki in this au! fukuchi takes kokushibo's role”

• we'll probably get backstory in the next few chapters when he melts so we'll possibly get an option for murata in the next two months. KOKUSHIBO FUKUCHI??? I'M INSANE OVER THISAAAAAJDJDBD???

“jouno and fukuchi unfortunately do not interact in this au.. i'm so happy to see my au still getting love even after the years i've been on and off in activity! comments like these fill me with so much motivation to upkeep this au!”

• oh well, we can't have it all. I'm glad!! I will keep supporting and I'm excited for what's to come !!!

-anon called Grace

grace we have GOT to stop this yap contest (huge slash joking, i love these thank you)

"the engagement rate on most art posts–that aren't either skk nor a meme"

literally my most popular post on this account is STILL the soukoku memes i made back in 2021. which i'm grateful for! yet at the same time, it's a little ironic i guess because i'm not crazy about soukoku or fukumori anymore :(

"but I'm glad you're getting more love, because you deserve all of it with your work"

i am super grateful for the followers that have stuck with me throughout the years!! (yes i can recognize some of you in my notes haha) and i was honestly really comforted when i saw love for my traditional work in the reblogs and asks.. it genuinely healed a huge insecurity i had about my art...

"drawing for a different fandom is a good change of pace and helps avoid burnout since drawing the same fandom all the time could get tiresome, even if you would generally find it fun"

i have a friend who's crazy abt one pairing in their account and they've kept it up for probably more than half a decade now? i just realized along the way that i can't be like that... i literally joined the community wanting to be a ranpoe acct but ahaha... i get interested in too many things...

"I think I speak for a lot of us when I say we'll never rush you to have anything finished and posted right away"

uuu i've read this sentiment so many times on my account, and i'm always grateful... it brings me so much joy to see love for an au that's basically 2 years old now...

"They complement each other in many ways. Inosuke is very loud, and Kanao is very quiet, but they've both seen each other in the rare state where they're not. I feel like Inosuke could bring out a little immaturity in Kanao and that she could teach Inosuke a fraction of patience."

stop this. you're convincing me. you can't do this to me i'm already attached to too many pairings in kny PLEASE /j but fr though, this is such a sweet interpretation of their relationship! personally, i still see them as more platonic, or even queerplatonic if they're more committed to each other specifically... but that's just because i think inosuke being aroace would be silly...

"The bsd friend that suggested rengokunikida is a genius because it's so fitting. The immaculate coincidence of both of them getting impaled in the stomach by an immortal being WHILE SMILING AND LOOKING AT PEACE is too perfect."

what's crazy to me is the fact that my friend made that comparison two years ago. we never would have known kunikida would've been a donut too......

"KOKUSHIBO FUKUCHI??? I'M INSANE OVER THISAAAAAJDJDBD???"

fantastic! because i think fukuzawa and fukuchi would make for amazing tsukiguni twins

super happy to hear from you again, grace!

[burniingup]

what’s your phone wallpaper : a collage of different manga panels of Sigma

last song you listened to: An Idiots Drug by Nashimoto-p

currently reading : Crime and Punishment. And a little bit Houseki no Kuni.

last movie : The second Venom movie, I think. Whatever it was called.

last show : BSD of course.

what are you wearing right now : My PJ's. A green tank top and tye dye shorts.

piercings / tattoos? : I only still use my ear piercing's and only very rarely. I used to have my industrial done but I also used to have an undercut and both at the same time was annoying. I used to have my tongue done too but I took it out because I'm about to have a lot of dental work done and having a lot of shit in my mouth is a bad sensory thing for me. But I miss it dearly and I intend to have it redone. I also have 7 tattoos that I adore and will post pictures of if you wanna see (ooo you wanna see so bad~!!)

glasses ? contacts? : I need glasses but have none.

last thing you ate? : I have a quart of coffee peanut butter ice cream in front of me but I'm waiting for it to melt. Before this, nitro takis.

favorite color(s) : It's a solid tie between black, red, and mint/teal.

current obsession: BSD. I'm in way too deep too, it's getting very uncool.

do you have a crush right now? : My wife.

favorite fictional character : I'm very deeply into Nikolai and Sigma from BSD, and Akutagawa is a longtime fave. But for even longer I have loved Envy from FMA and Anakin from Star Wars.

[musamora]

sweet and right and merciful, i'm all but washed in the tide of her breathing — bungo stray dogs oneshot

content. f!reader. discussions of existentialism, small themes of bodily harm, minor suggestive themes, protectiveness, pre-relationship, jealousy, nikolai crushes on reader. manga spoilers (bsd 114.5). 4k+ words. ⟶ features fyodor dostoevsky. synopsis. what happens when an immortal man is met with unwavering, unconditional human compassion and doesn't know what to do.

would you like to see more? fill out the taglist or comment under this post.

Fyodor rarely lingered on thoughts of the past. He never permitted himself to bide beyond the threshold of a mere glimpse, to observe under the guise of such mortal qualities as attachment and resentment. In truth, he did not remember his first death, the incident only an imperceivable splinter in the mind he had perfected. But the pain, a bittersweet edge as the mind scattered and the body ceased to function—he would be a fool to forget it. Death was not as merciful as the poets described. They comforted themselves with ideas of fulfillment and eternal rest, but they would not know. Poetry is written by the living, and the dead do not remember.

The sensation of foreign flesh encasing his metamorphizing body like a malleable cocoon became ritual. His complex existence became an easier pill to swallow with each death, and with it, his consternation towards the mangled reflection staring emptily back at him drifted away. Crumbled with stabs, pinned with nails, hung with ropes—humanity relished the thrill of the kill.

Sinful and foolish. Those painful betrayals of yesteryear evolved into the occasional reminder, lost of sentiment as he released his bond with mortal toils like companionship and love. He had taken his life, and subsequently his death, into his own hands. It made each treachery predictable and left his stilled heart impenetrable.

His most human aspect lay in his most monstrous one—his ability. Abilities were a two-edged sword, both a burden and a blessing. He was no different. Forced to remain outside the binds of mortality, as his existence remained a constant reminder of the cycle of life and death. Within and without in every sense of the phrase. A paradox.

He could not deny the isolation, but he would bear it for the sake of a sinless world. His brushes with enemies and allies alike became his only source of company. Yokohama had been his favorite; he craved each new day, testing their limits as his mortal mind yearned to find someone like him, someone on the brink of true existence—but he did not find it in his battles, nor did he expect to.

No matter the desperation of his centuries-long searches, he knew he would not find his match—they likely did not exist or would not for centuries to come. He observed the lives of hundreds over the years, yet, through generations, they did not stray from routine. No amount of transformation in the world could shake innate human composition, selfish and starved from birth. From dust they were formed, and like all before them, to dust they became. The monotony dullened his spirit—some said he believed himself to be God, but who wouldn't think of themself better if they were in his shoes? But he allowed the criticism, for he could not expect a mortal soul to understand immortality.

But he found a fissure in his journey.

Your first encounter had not been one of coincidence—the seeds had been intricately planted for months—and you were identical to everyone else, down on your luck with nowhere to turn. A talented individual primed for the picking, with no choice but to take the hand of a demon, who soothed your worries with sweet lies and a benevolent smile. Each of his subordinates had their own aspirations, easy to interweave into his own intricate plans, with them none the wiser. It was simple.

You were supposed to be that simple. 

No one knew his true ability, whether he considered them an ally or an enemy. It made the truth pliable to his words and actions, leading others down one assumption or another without shining light on the truth. And he had drafted his subsequent death without a hitch, shot by a rash officer in the midst of a violent standoff, which would allow access to documents the man had been in the middle of delivering. But no draft of his death predicted a witness.

Your eyes were wide, frozen as your mind frazzled, but he did not think much of your initial reaction. It was not the first time he had an audience, but he loathed to end the show so soon—a performance without an encore was lackluster, but he couldn't spoil the surprise for the rest of the world. However, before he reached for the holstered gun on his belt, you scrambled towards him. It wouldn't have taken but a second to shoot you, but the contorted expression on your face, the tilt of your brow, and the contemplative purse of your lips had him pause. You had halted before him, your hands hovering over his shoulders, scanning his body.

"Are you okay?"

Those three measly words, such a straightforward question, drew out an unfathomable amount of irritation from the depths of his soul. Was it possible for a person to be so naïve? Anyone who had witnessed his ability had at least the insight to cower or run and be terrified for their life. It had always happened—people were predictable. His eyes bore into your own with more scrutiny than you had ever possibly received, but as if dissecting his most prevalent thoughts, you adjusted the wrinkled collar of his new uniform and spoke with a troubled frown.

"He killed you. You killed him. An eye-for-an-eye. A crime served with its equal punishment." Your eyes scanned over his clothes before lingering on his features, tracing across them with such, dare he think, care. As if ensuring this was the same man you had made a deal with many weeks before. 

When was the last time you had spoken directly to him—he realizes never. He was unfamiliar with your hushed tone, one that was scolding yet tepid. Others shook his hand in conjunction with cheap words and boisterous gestures as if to intimidate a predator, but you had mustered the courage to do one thing they couldn't. You looked him in the eye.

"Our world rarely follows that equilibrium," you said in the silence, inching from him to allow space. "I find it refreshing."

He raised a brow, words leaving him. "...You have quite a fascinating mind, Ms. (Surname)."

Your smile made the warmth return to his fingertips. "I would hope so. Wouldn't want to bore you."

For the following weeks, he found himself enveloped in ideas of coincidence. It had been eons since he left a variable to pure chance, though he supposed his modified routine had not allowed fate to prosper—but it wasn't like he was constructing moments to seek your presence on purpose. To have one measly interaction, an opening to prod at the folds of your delicate mind. No, of course not.

In fact, a trace of your familiar hairstyle or the flutter of your narrow array of outfits imbued with him the impulse to squash you like an insect, to erase your existence from the world's canvas and return to his monotony. You wouldn't see his approach, or perhaps you would, but you wouldn't stop him. Instead, you'd look upon him again with those same eyes, all-knowing yet completely clueless—but it was the thought of that expression that quieted those thoughts, a breeched sensation of carnal impulses gripping his heart like a vice. However, he remained curious, and you remained fascinating.

You met each interaction with hospitality like an ever-burning hearth that sparked a foreign warmth upon his skin, but not out of dread or devotion—those were the extremes in his subordinates, and no one strayed from them. They either bowed or cowered at his feet, but you did not falter to your knees, at least not in the way he expected.

You remained at a respectable distance, especially in comparison to your almost intimate touch prior. Still, it was not out of wariness at his ability's capabilities but rather out of knowledge of your own expendability. You understood your role as a subordinate but had no issue meeting his gaze, speaking level to him whenever permitted, yet respecting his authority in observation. 

His first judgment of your character, a naive and thoughtless woman, had been unfounded. You spoke with an intellect not found in many underneath him but did not utilize it as a weapon against others. Your awareness of the dangerous circumstances of your agreement seemed to contradict your actions, with no will to take out frustration towards your dealer. You seemed to, in fact, respect his artifice for its purpose and reap the perks of your deal rather than focus on the consequences—unlike most, you knew you weren't an exception to repercussions and accepted them as they were.

Your deal had not been one of much thought—he barely remembered it himself. You would work under him for an undecided amount of time and, in turn, receive shelter from the crimes of the outside world. It allowed for a menagerie of loopholes and interpretations, but it was of mutual understanding that he would not prevent your demise at the hands of enemy fire. Instead, you would only be allowed to live for as long as you were useful. Despite that knowledge, you met each moment with gratitude, relieved without the burden of death on your shoulders.

But your demise, supposedly so near, seemed to dwindle into the distance. He found alternate methods, better ones, to fulfill missions, other paths to follow, and subordinates to sacrifice in the name of salvation. Before long, you had worked for him for an entire year.

It was a week before your anniversary when you dared to surpass the threshold of his office's doorway, if you could call it that, and leaned against the frame to observe from behind, quiet as a mouse. He was surprised you hadn't been in here sooner.

"Do you need something?" he mused, a lilt of strange enjoyment in his tone. He didn't bother to pause in his motions, the strokes of his fingers against the keyboard only intensifying with every passing moment. He had been stripped of his normal coat, and ushanka sat on the side, which allowed for an almost softer appearance.

"I wanted to ask you a question."

He caught the unmistakable reluctance in your tone, a quiver in your voice, and he sighed. It was not the first time someone reconsidered their deal—it was quite common. He would appease their worries with those same sweet lies from before, before twisting them into a scheme so they would no longer become a problem. There was no use keeping around a subordinate who was bound to waver—but for the endless intrigue you provided, he would be merciful in his answer. Truthful, even. 

"I'm afraid there's no budging on your deal, Ms. (Surname)." The air of the office had staled, and he was sure you had stiffened from horror, primed to turn tail and scutter to your room to wallow in self-pity and despair.

"Uh, I actually just wanted to know if you had any book recommendations."

He paused in his typing, staring down at his hands. "Book recommendations."

"Forgive me," you muttered, tone loosened of its typical confidence as it brimmed with embarrassment. "It's just…you don't hire the most well-read company, and I'd assumed you'd have a more expansive catalog than any of us would."

It was quiet for an instant until an almost unheard chuckle relinquished from his tightened lips after the comprehension of such a unique request. You had subverted his expectation once more, such a strange little thing, and he twisted around to devour the view of your expression, which remained sheepish in the aftermath of your meek inquiry, softened moreso as the luminescent light of screens wavered to draw decadent lines across your features. 

"I'm certain I have something you'd enjoy."

You had not expected him to rise from his chair, standing like a deer in headlights as he approached the doorway. Only an amused lift of his brow and a smirk led you to realize that you blocked his path, and you scampered to the side. He led you through a narrowed path, one that turned unrecognizable after only a minute. The entire hall was dedicated to rooms you had never seen, isolated from everything else. 

His hand settled against a rusted knob, the metal door groaning with a boisterous shriek that undoubtedly led to your doom—that was until you stepped inside, mouth gaping in awe at the treasure of reading material. It was enormous, at least with the finite amount of space. His lips twisted into something uncharacteristically fond as your eyes lingered from book to book, practically sparkling at the array of texts, some of which only he could provide.

He selected a couple of volumes from varied genres, and you were about to thank him, but the following words that came from his mouth surprised you both. "Feel free to come here whenever you see fit." The books he handed over were old but well-cherished if the creased spines were of any evidence. "I'm curious to hear your thoughts."

Most wouldn't have dared to make their presence known after a chance interaction with him, but he knew it would be foolish to assume that you were like most or even to predict your next move. Even though he would never admit it, he was anticipating your presence in his office, and you arrived like a saving grace, primed with thoughts and annotations.

"He may be extreme, but he embodies the pinnacle of the human condition," you started, locked in on the main protagonist. "He's a paradox, morally virtuous yet rotten."

He held the returned book in his hand, refusing to acknowledge the subtle thump of his heart as his touch brushed over the impressions in the leather cover made by your fingers. Those imprints seemed to ground him, and he only allowed himself to embrace the sensation rather than consider why he felt so calm. 

"I see you enjoyed the story."

"I wouldn't put it like that," you argued, and he found himself only further encompassed in your discourse. "Enjoyment is easy to come by, but for a book to fulfill its purpose, it's supposed to make you think beyond its pages."

He leaned forward on his hand, humming as he yearned for more, homing in on every word and notation, for a chance to catch another delicious conviction spurned from your lips, hypnotized as you unpacked layers of moral conflict and human turmoil with ease. Your deconstruction was breathtaking, especially once you adjusted to your space, circling around his office and inching closer and closer. But then, you stopped.

"Hm."

He almost melted at the glimpse of that familiar expression—those furrowed brows and pursed lips. In further analysis, you resembled a bunny more than a human, and he almost expected a twitch in the tip of your nose as you became lost in thought. But the next look you struck him with, to his utter disdain, made him cave on instinct, like a predator about to sink his teeth in.

"A thought?"

You shook your head, clearing the air. "I forgot it as quick as it came."

But, like the sly prey you were, you slipped out of his queries with wit and once more avoided satisfying his curiosity, leaving him stranded in a position with no illusive way to question you for more. If it were anyone else, truly, he would have no desire for answers—they would be evident before they opened their mouths. Yet, every time he felt close to unraveling your secrets, you shrunk back. Almost as if you were teasing him. 

Two could play at that.

Months passed, and your discussions became daily occurrences, the topic shifting from philosophical debates to the beautiful world outside. Your presence was like sweet manna to the starved, and he found himself pacified but not fulfilled. But he did not consider one aspect of the alteration of his routine—that it would place a target on your back—not by his enemies but by other subordinates. 

A few of them had cornered you on a mission, planning to report back to him that you had died in the enemy crossfire—foolish that they didn't realize every death was always explicitly planned. Their insubordination would be met with fatal consequences, and while he wished in his heart to torment them for their witlessness, he knew that they would only cause further issues if they were allowed to remain alive. 

Luck had accompanied you on your errands, a watchful, frosted-haired jester performing a fantastical rescue in your final moments. It was not without injuries, as you lay in a bed with several sprains and bruises, but your rest was accompanied by the same man who had saved you, for curiosity was one of his main traits. He had been curious about you for a while, much like everyone else, and stated to Fyodor that he could not help but personally prod at his newfound "tether," whatever that meant.

But Fyodor knew, from the moment you exchanged your first few words, that Nikolai would become enamored with your inquisitiveness and warmth. Your approach to thought had been spell-binding to anyone who would listen, not only himself. You had an analytical approach similar to his, but it did not hold the same intent or technique. It sung with empathy, your personal philosophies shining through while allowing others to shape your opinions into a far more informed one. You reveled in a change—a most inhuman and most alluring feature. 

No one found more joy in that feature than Nikolai himself, who deemed you a dearest companion he must have lost and forgotten in the past—because where had you possibly been his entire life? His jokes made you laugh without restraint, but you didn't look at him as if he were a fool. 

"That pitiful clown didn't stand a chance," Fyodor noted to himself, though not without resentment towards the strain in his chest as Nikolai braced a hand on your shoulder. 

But the moment you leant your ear to the man and listened with an open mind to his ideals and demonstrated a drop of compassion towards his need to be free, Fyodor could recognize the familiar thoughts racing in Nikolai's mind. The same shock of finding someone who understood him and his purpose without repulsing his approach and the same impulse to sever the connection it created.

He knew it all too well. And he hated it, despised that he knew the sensation intimately, such a mortal affliction that it was reflected in another. He knew these emotions, at least some of them, but he did not think of them until another soul dared to encroach upon them. Upon you. 

Oh, how he despised you. 

He did not fathom why Nikolai had not done away with you—at least, he refused to. His stomach emptied with an insatiable hunger as the jester rushed away in a turn of his overcoat, with Fyodor not able to disregard the one visible eye of the man that looked upon him with an understanding far too founded.

He entered the room, your room, with an unease unlike him. You glanced from your reading material, another book from his collection, your expression of contentment shifting from content, to confusion, to land on concern, thinly veiled by a polite nod and 'hello.' He had never checked on any of his subordinates before and was almost willed to leave as quickly as he came.

"The antagonist is certainly intriguing, wouldn't you say?"

But you did not acknowledge his behavior. He never thought of himself witless enough to be in a position in which he could be called out for making such instinctual, carnal decisions—only for the subject of those to dismiss his intentions entirely. To not take advantage of his obvious vulnerabilities. You must have noticed it, but he realized it was never fear nor respect that made you avoid questioning him. 

He had never noted it prior, but you did not back out of conversations because you displayed discomfort. You were rather easy to read, and you knew that, but it had seemed you were concealing some further. It was not a part of yourself that you had hidden, but instead, you had allowed him to hide his own susceptibilities under the guise of them being yours, not prodding him from your own observations out of respect for his boundaries. He was not an open book to many, but he had become another novel to you. Another character to dissect. But you didn't.

He left with more questions than any answers he had ever received, having found the answer to his first question, but only at a cost that left him to spiral in his own contemplations. What would cause you to be so considerate? He was left distracted by your presence more than ever before, even when you were not in the room. You were a nuisance, yet so refreshing. A paradox, as you would've cleverly pointed out—and he loathed that he had become so intimately familiar with you that he knew that.

He ceased to note your mannerisms as an alley to exploit you, but it seemed he hadn't in months. Instead, he had found them a constance he looked forward to. The soul that he had been seeking—was it indeed you?

And to his immortal horror and human content, he knew that your roles had been reversed. That if you had approached with a blade and asked him for his heart, he would carve it out himself without another thought. It would only take a smile and the brush of your hand, and he would be your puppet.

It had been another month, and you were permitted to walk the harbor docks without accompaniment; not that many were allowed to accompany you in the first place. You were satisfied with watching the water from a distance, stilled by the winter wind that whipped around with a bite. In deep thought, as you considered the past few months, almost two years of the same routine, and you smiled. Life had not been monotonous since becoming a member of the Rats, and your strange companionship with your boss left you relishing each new interaction. There was a bittersweetness to that man, and it had not taken much to reach it—it wasn't like you had done that on purpose. 

But there was no need to ponder over that—it was cold. Your clothes were far too thin, but it wasn't like you were paid a normal salary like most people. You stuck with the clothes you had been able to take, always either too thin or too thick before the seasons, but you would make do like you always did.

That was until you felt the pressure of heavy fabric swallow you whole. You didn't even think to look up, too overwhelmed by the scent of old ink and the warmth of roughened fabric, marred with imperfections that could only be seen close up, and you brushed your fingers over them and simply relished in the sensation that the impressions grounded you. The puffed collar tickled your neck, and you couldn't restrain your laughter as you tried to wipe the water away from your eyes. But it was warm, so warm despite its exterior, and that was all that mattered to you.

You finally looked up.

"Fyodor?" you whispered, your voice almost lost in the wind.

He knew the questions in your gaze and the familiar contemplation as you debated whether to say anything more. You knew, in the depths of your kindred soul, that he would not answer your questions, nor did he have the answers himself, despite his longevity. Some things were best left unsaid. He was determined to uncover everything about you and this illness, an affliction that you had marred him with, to quell the rapid beat of his heart, a heart that finally belonged to him again.

"It's cold," he replied, sat beside you.

Neither of you looked at each other as you gazed out into the harbor, but for the first time, neither of you were bothered by the cold anymore.

TAGLIST: @aureatchi @betweensinners @imhandicapableofmath @lovedazai @osameowdazai @ruru-kiss @ishqani @zyilas @lovesick-fairy @fedyascoffin @squigglewigglewoo @kelperspelt @miloofc @s1eepybunny @dazaisms @deepseafragments @crayonssz @himikoslove @little-miss-chaoss @justcallmesakira @number1morihater @osarina

note. guess who's back! can you believe it's been almost two months since i've written a oneshot? crazy. i have multiple updates, but i'll be quick. am i working on my 1k+ event drabbles? yes! am i working on my fyodor-fic? yes, yes, yes!

© MUSAMORA 2024 — do not repost or modify my works for any reason. do not steal graphics w/o explicit permission. reblogs are appreciated.

[im-still-watching-anime]

akutagawa (glaring): your beauty makes you weak how can one so pretty expect to survive in such a cutthroat world

atsushi (glaring back): speak for yourself pretty boy

dazai: do those even count as insults or are they flirting

chuuya: i literally cannot tell

[afinepricklypear]

**Update: The works mentioned in this post have since been taken down. The “message” was removed by AO3 because it was a violation of their TOS and it seems the author chose to remove their “opinions” piece.**

Despite the ongoing world crisis, I hope everyone is doing great as the year comes to a close and prepping for a safe holiday season.

I don’t really post here a lot, but I just wanted to talk about a problem that exists in every fandom and has recently come up for me in the BSD fandom. This problem is typically referred to as: toxic behavior, however, I sort of hate that term because it’s an umbrella term that encapsulates a wide array of behaviors that is purposefully vague so as to imply everything can be toxic, which means the definition changes depending upon the person, and ends up getting thrown around to describe any behavior that a person dislikes. That said, most people can agree that the term ‘toxic behavior’ includes “shipper wars” and harassing people because of their “ship”.

Yesterday, a user on AO3 going by the penname E_C_arts posted a message titled “deer Soukoku fans” and giving it the not-innocuous summary “please we’re begging you, please stop”. Clicking through leads to a rather prime example of this particular flavor of toxic fandom behavior, guised as an attempt to defend those who were allegedly victims of this self-same behavior, also a lovely example of emotional manipulation.

Although what’s currently posted (and what I managed to screen shot below) may not seem terrible on first glance, if not a little cringey, and can be easy to agree with (don’t bully people that write for a ship you dislike), this was not their original message and has been edited since being posted and, and only after receiving the number of comments it did and which they’re now noting as “proving their point” – a point which they erased, thus manipulating perceptions. I wish I had gotten a screenshot of the original, but if you scroll through the comments, you can find some people that quoted it.

This person most definitely did open their “message” to Soukoku fans by literally telling them to “stop writing” for it. They claimed there was some unspecified AU (or maybe multiple unspecified AUs) that had been overwritten for, that it was overused, and not original. They went on to talk about how the abundance of soukoku content was turning off new fans to the series (don’t even know how that logics…) and bullying people from creating content for other ships, basing these irrational sentiments off some false claim that removing everything with the soukoku ship from the fandom would only leave behind a sad, inacccurate (and oddly specific) 305 posts.

Evidence of their now deleted perspective can be further seen in another post they made to AO3 a couple days before this ugly rant. Titled simply “My unpopular BSD opinions”, they didn’t manage to garner much attention and went mostly ignored because, well, it’s your opinions about the show and that’s whatever. Of course, when you click into it, the very first “opinion” shared, is that they hate Dazai x Chuuya. Okay, that’s an opinion everyone is entitled to, and that’s fine. You don’t like the popular ship, that’s…not exactly an unpopular opinion, there’s quite a number of people that don’t ship soukoku. No problem. Until, they go on to elaborate.

Despite the title of this piece being ‘their opinions’, they state as ‘fact’ that its confirmed that this is “not a thing”, so ‘please stop shipping them it doesn’t work, it’s way too overused for it to be “funny” anymore’ (I’m a little confused about this wording, because Shipping is Serious Business™, so…not sure there are too many soukoku shippers doing it because they think it’s hilarious or whatnot, in fact, most soukoku fics are tagged ‘angst’, which we all know, angst is very ‘haha, lol’…but whatevs). They then include the same sentiment they expanded on in their Dear John to soukoku fans and subsequently deleted: “Please stop, there are too many au’s with almost the exact same plot Chuuya and Dazai being together, its really difficult to find any non-Dazai x Chuuya au’s”.

On the surface, once again, there are some “truths” to this sentiment. DaiChuu is a popular ship and there is a disproportionate amount of soukoku ship fics on the fandom comparative to other ships (soukoku comes in at a whopping 10,000+ currently, with the next popular ship Aku/Atsushi sitting at a decidedly less 2500+). It’s really not that difficult to find non-DazaixChuuya fics, if you know how to use filters on AO3, but there are going to be less to read from when you filter it down, and depending on your ship, you may find yourself in a fic desert, and I can certainly understand why someone young and lacking in rational thought processes might want to blame the popular ship for this predicament.

The problem with this logic, and it permeates every fandom, not just BSD, is that the shippers sharing and loving their ship are not to blame for your lack of ship content. You just don’t have a popular ship. If all the people who love soukoku stopped creating content for it, as this person is ‘begging’ them to do, that’s not going to increase the amount of content for your ships, because the reason that content isn’t being created is because there aren’t enough shippers for it. So, the only way this person’s logic works, is if what this person is actually saying, isn’t that they want these people to stop creating content for the BSD fandom, they just want them to jump ship, stop creating content for soukoku and start creating content for their ships.

Any creator/fan is going to have a visceral reaction to that: who the fuck are you to tell me what to create? And for free, no less!

This moves us more towards a clearer definition of what is toxic fandom behavior. In short, its telling anyone how they should interact with or interpret their favorite content. I mean, even Word of God does not have this power. That’s because every single fan in a fandom is an individual human being. They are possessed of their own autonomy, and as a creator I know, that once you put something out into the world and give it over to others, you have little control over how people consume and feel about your work. You can tell them your intention, but that’s not going to sway them to interpret it that way, and that’s…just the way it works.

Now, the elephant in the room needs to be addressed. It’s easy for me to be ‘offended’ by this person’s post and not see their complaints because I am a soukoku fan. I’m also the target of this person’s rant, and one of those people this person is attempting to emotionally manipulate into writing for other ships in the fandom for which I have no preference. But I am capable of seeing the other side of this argument.

First, because I do have other fandoms in which I am part, and for which I have a rare-pair ship. For example, I am a Gundam Wing fan and a 2x5 (Duo/WuFei) shipper. I’ve posted two 2x5 fics on fanfiction.net. While 2x5 is not the rarest of rarepairs in the Gundam Wing fandom, it is significantly eclipsed (as are almost *all* ships in the fandom) by the 1x2 (Heero/Duo) ship. Do I hate 1x2 shippers for my lack of 2x5 content? No. I just appreciate what I’ve got all the more, and I’ll create content for it when I feel compelled, and I sure the fuck won’t implore 1x2 shippers to stop writing for their fave and write more for mine because I want more 2x5 – that’s sheer entitlement, right there, pure and simple. I also ship 3xD (Trowa/Dorothy) in Gundam Wing, which *is* the rarest of rarepairs – I think there’s only, like, two stories in existence that features this pair on the entirety of the internet. I’m also a RavenxMurphy (Murven) shipper in The 100 fandom and I do not hate Bellarke fans because…those people are scary and have canceled the show’s creator for not delivering on Bellarke, and in BSD, I ship Atsushi/Lucy (yes, I said it, they’re cute af and I hope Asagiri delivers on that ship). I also low-key ship Yosano/Ranpo (sorry, Ranpo/Poe shippers, I understand the appeal, I just think him and Yosano is sooo cute, please don’t kill me…), and I also ship Yosano with Kunikida – all of which are some of the rarest in the BSD fandom.

Second, because I have seen and called out shipping harassment in the BSD fandom, so I am well aware that this kind of thing exists – as it exists literally everywhere and in every flavor. Against soukoku shippers from antis and by soukoku shippers against shippers putting Dazai or Chuuya with any other characters and by soukoku shippers against other soukoku shippers that are, uh, “doing it wrong”. None of these is appropriate. You’re not fighting fire with fire if you’re an anti-attacking the popular ship, you’re just creating a bigger fire and burning the entire fandom down. You’re not defending your ship if you are a soukoku fan attacking non-soukoku fans, you’re just punching down by attacking a less popular ship. And top/bottom arguments aren’t just toxic, they’re also deeply entrenched in fetishization of same sex pairings through a forced heteronormative lens and is, kind of, sort of, actually homophobic in its basis (yes, I said it. It’s ignorant and homophobic and trying to argue with ‘personality/physical traits’ as evidence of who serves what position in the bedroom can be emotionally and mentally damaging to members of the LGBTQ community. Claiming that Chuuya should be bottom because he’s shorter/smaller, or that Dazai has ‘bottom energy’ because he’s more flamboyant and ‘feminine’ is straight up discrimination – a shorter guy can definitely be top, and a manly man can be bottom, it’s not a behavior based on perceived gendered traits, it is just a fucking preferred sexual position, and no, you are not ‘fixing it’ by purposely using positions for these characters that eschews the stereotypes either. Trying to justify positioning by personality/physical traits at all, in any way, shape, or form is just not okay – if it’s your preference, it’s your preference, no justification needed, just recognize that it is *your* preference and arguing what’s ‘right/wrong’ positioning is just plain wrong).

But this brings us to a different issue: bad actors and blaming a whole community for a ‘few rotten apples’. I could easily lump this one person in with everyone that does not ship soukoku and deem them all toxic, aggressive, entitled, bullies attempting to harass soukoku shippers off the platform. Or I could see them for what they are, individuals with individual motivations and drives and morals that also happen to share the same shipping preferences. Is it true to say that there are no soukoku fans that engage in the behaviors described by E_C_arts? No, there are definitely those that do, as there are antis that engage in that same behavior against soukoku fans. But this person also asserts that soukoku fans turning ‘every BSD post about soukoku’ is also a toxic behavior. To which I refer you back to one. This is how they engage with and interpret the work. Don’t yuck on someone else’s yum. People want to gush about how cute they thought soukoku were in an official art, or that they felt there was some hidden (or not so hidden) interaction between them that validates their ship, or their inspired to create soukoku content based on it, so what (for the record, it irks me too when people go ‘see it’s canon and Bones totally ships it’, because it’s unlikely, given BSDs genre, that any romantic relationship will be confirmed, soukoku notwithstanding). It is not, in fact, toxic to gush over it. Let them have their fun with it, let them enjoy their ship. Now, if you go and make a comment about liking the art for other reasons and they reply to you about “…but also soukoku”, then still, that’s not toxic, that’s just them enjoying the content the way that they enjoy it, so let them enjoy it, and you opened yourself to engagement without any qualifiers for the type of engagement you were soliciting, you can’t then backtrack and go ‘but I’m not a soukoku shipper, they should’ve been able to read my mind and known that, it’s totally toxic of them to share their personal reasons for loving the show in response to my sharing my love for the show’. But if you comment about another ship, and they reply to you “…ew, gross! It’s 100% soukoku” then yes, that’s toxic. A lot of people fail to make this distinction, that they are, maybe, merely being triggered and not actually harassed, by feeling like their ship isn’t being validated because they see another ship all over the place and everyone they engage with ships it.

It’s also toxic, to take an experience with one person and hold every soukoku shipper in existence responsible for that one person’s inappropriate behavior. The truth is, that bad actors amongst soukoku fans are not unique, not to the ship and not to the fandom and not even to fandom culture in general. Every group in existence everywhere has bad actors in it that, while the group disavows their behavior, they continue to be held accountable for those individuals and judged by them. For current events, look at how the BLM movement has been blamed for bad actors (many of whom were not actually BLM activists) that took advantage of the protests and started riots and chaos. A small percentage of people were involved in these behaviors, but the entire movement, despite speaking out against rioting, continues to take the blame for it. For me, that’s the root of toxicity. We need to start holding individuals accountable and stop blaming people who have no control over those individuals, because they share a few similar beliefs or interests. That’s throwing the baby out with the bathwater. But the shippers as a whole are not to blame for the actions of a few, and the reason that it feels that there are so many more soukoku fans that do this is because of volume, there are so many more soukoku fans. It’s basic math. If two percent of fans are these toxic kinds of shippers, then there’s going to be so many more of them in a larger population than a smaller one.

I try to call out toxic behavior, no matter if it’s my ship being lambasted or one of my fellow shippers doing the lambasting, whenever I see it, but the trouble is, I don’t typically go into fan content that isn’t for my ship and, thus, I don’t see it. The same goes for the vast majority of soukoku fans out there. We’re here for soukoku content, we’re seeking out soukoku content, and avoiding what isn’t soukoku content. But here is my offer to all of those who are outside of my ship. I like to argue. If someone is harassing you for having a non-soukoku ship, call me, let me know, I will argue with them for you. I will explain to them in no uncertain terms, and in many unpleasant ways, that they do not represent the soukoku shipping community and they are an embarrassment to us. Content for any and all ships is welcomed and encouraged within the fandom. Write, draw, contribute, be a part of the fandom and express yourself, please. If you are a soukoku shipper (or even if you’re not), and someone is harassing you about your top/bottom preference, call me, let me know, I will argue with them for you. I will explain to them why their justifications for which character should be top or bottom in a same sex pairing is grossly misrepresentative and exploitative of the LGBTQ community and rather disgusting. Do not assume that because we seem to remain silent on these types of harassment that it’s because we are in agreement with them, it is only because we haven’t seen them – why would we, we’re not going in those spaces that weren’t created for us. Ask the community for help, don’t attack the rest of us for the poor actions of a few that we were not even aware of. Let us help you in policing them, rather than assuming we don’t care. We are just too busy staying in our lanes, but if you need us, we are here. Majority of us want a clean, friendly, welcoming community for creators of all types as much as you do.

All of this aside, there are spaces and places for these debates and AO3 is not it. Posting this kind of message is actually a violation of AO3 TOS, constituting as harassment, which is defined on the AO3 TOS as “…any behavior that produces a generally hostile environment for its target…”( https://archiveofourown.org/tos#IV.G.). This general behavior also falls into the realm of another kind of toxic fandom behavior: hijacking a platform/tag for your own purposes that is a direct contradiction to its express usage (otherwise, known as trolling). AO3 is for posting fan-made content that contributes to a deeper understanding and expansion upon the original work. Using AO3 to attack people who are using AO3 for exactly what it is designed to be used for is an abuse of the platform. It’s not okay and invites similar content that will ultimately interfere with the original purpose of the platform. AO3 is for fan content, not for your own personal rants about other people in the community, please keep it that way

I do also want to note, that this person choosing to edit their post after receiving the justified ire from fans (notably soukoku and non-soukoku fans alike upset by the audacity of this person, who, as far as can be told, has never themselves contributed fanfiction to the community, to tell people what they can and cannot write) for their original comments, is a form of manipulative abuse called ‘gaslighting’. They are now claiming to be a victim that “never said to stop writing”, despite that having been the literal words they used in the opening of their original post. They are now pointing at these comments as “proof” of their point that soukoku fans are aggressive bullies that attack without cause when there was definitely cause from the original comments. This person clearly has bigger issues than just lacking shipper content for their personal preferences on the BSD fandom.

To all of those who are afraid to share content for your ship because you think you’ll be harassed, as evidenced by this person’s claims, that is simply not true. While there might be one or two people that say something, we all get them no matter if you have a popular ship or a rarepair ship, haters are gonna hate – I’ve gotten my share of hateful comments towards my ships too, but there are many more people that share your ship and are interested in your content, in fact, some of them are starved for it. While having a rarepair might mean you’ll garner less interactions with your content, you have a better opportunity to form a deeper bond with the people that do interact, and they may be more appreciative, because what you’re delivering to them is so much harder to come by. The existence of one ship does not affect your ship’s popularity, and if it simply went away, that doesn’t mean that your ship would receive more attention – in fact, it might mean the show itself would receive less attention.

Create and let others create and use platforms for their appropriate purposes, and most importantly, when it comes to addressing toxic behavior in a fandom, look to yourself first. Are you placing the blame where it belongs? Are you addressing the root cause of the problem or swinging blindly and attacking innocent bystanders in the process? Will what you say actually help the problem? Or will it contribute to the issue, and maybe even create an issue that didn’t exist before?

[kotsume]

my observations as a content creator :) warning: it’s long

if you’re reading this, don’t think too deeply about what i wrote - it’s just my analysis of fan blogs and some fandoms (so it’s all from my perspective). do what you want with this information, and feel free to lmk what you think ;) 

*i tried to include as many anime-applicable blogs as i could remember*

multifandom reblog blogs (ones who track a tag):

@/allanimanga: lots of original content every day. does not reblog from tag anymore bc most members who had that job are inactive. i’m an admin and i’ve been told not to worry about reblogging from the tag, and just make content. has member privilege abuse from certain users; normally you make content for the blog and you get to reblog your stuff over in a 1:1 ratio, but they will just use the blog to promote themselves without contributing. it’s really sad but there’s nothing we can do bc most of the time it’s an admin.

@/animacia: was debating whether or not to put this one. reblogs mainstream anime (sailor moon, studio ghibli) and has a tag, but the tag itself does not seem to be actively used as the most recent post can see tagged for this blog dates back to june 2019 (more than a year ago). it’s an active blog regardless of slow tag activity. 

@/animationsource: active, but very picky? idk man they either do or don’t reblog your stuff. it’s a hit or miss with them. seems to have member privilege abuse/preference (explained up there). not too sure if they have a queue or just reblog sporadically.

@/anisource: active. seems to run on a large, backlogged queue bc their tag is full of stuff that has yet to be reblogged. edits will probably take a while to be reblogged, but they’ll eventually get there! 

@/dailyanime: new blog, but from what i’ve experienced, they will queue it, and your post will be reblogged in 1-3 days (it probably depends on how much is in their queue).

@/fyanimegifs: will reblog your stuff, but they have a very slow queue.

@/graphicsources: not really active; spontaneous at best. don’t count on them to reblog your stuff. 

@/fyeahshoujo: not really active, but not completely inactive.

@/fysportsanime & @/sportsanimedaily: active. seems to have a backlogged queue, but just wait and you’ll be reblogged! it will take some time because there are lots of posts.

@/animangascenery & @/otomokatsuhiro (#oldanimeedit - changes url from time to time? that’s why i included the tag they track): inactive unless a member looks at the tag. in that case, they will most likely reblog the tagged post. typically mass reblogs/queues from the tag every once in a while. 

@/bbelcher & @/fyeahmovies: will reblog ghibli and makoto shinkai stuff. bonus points if you have added a text description to gifs. 80% dependable.

@/filmgifs, @/filmtv, @/stream, @/movie-gifs, etc. (basically big reblog fansites that aren’t anime-oriented, but do reblog mainstream anime movies): 90% chance they will not reblog anything from you if there is no text description. add text descriptions to studio ghibli/makoto shinkai film gifs and make it pretty! use text gradients!! that will increase your chances of being reblogged by them. they don’t reblog seasonal anime.

a note: many creators use tags as a way of reaching a broader audience. it's really helpful for smaller blogs who would like to share their content to others, but do not have the means/numbers to do so. just bc some people don't utilize tags to their full potential, it doesn't mean it isn't useful, so pls don’t try to act superior to those who want more exposure. everyone deserves a chance at getting the attention they deserve for their hard work!

studio ghibli reblog blogs:

@/ghiblisdaily: great. amazing. i love them!! will reblog from you 99.9% of the time. probably the most reliable ghibli blog as of right now. uploads original content

@/fyghibli: used to be good at reblogging from tag, but has gone kind of inactive. i think they’re becoming more active again, but it’s very sporadic.

@/kikisdeliveryservices: they track a variety of studio ghibli related tags, and they do reblog a lot, but i don’t think they’re as consistent as ghiblisdaily. lots of original content.  

@/oh-totoro: not really active, but when they are (and they reblog from you), your activity skyrockets.

@/dailyghibli: not active.

@/daily-ghibli: sometimes active, a little wishy-washy. they seem to be reblogging a little bit more consistently now?

@/princessghibli: not active, but reblogs here and there.

@/ghibligif: a new blog, but decently active. will reblog post from their tracked tag within a day. lots of original content.  

main point: there are many studio ghibli blogs (wayyyy more than i’ve listed here), but only around 3-4 active ones. choose your tags with what you think will give you the best exposure bc if you have too much, tumblr will go “fuck you” and not show your post at all :)

random anime fandoms:

i’ll really only be including ones i’m in, or know a bit about.

haikyuu, bnha, kny, yoi: healthy and very active. content for these fandoms do well even if they’re not in season. has multiple active fan blogs (except for yoi tho - they’re all inactive for the most part).

noragami, ohshc, ons, snk, tg, swnku: active fandoms. edits will do moderately well bc most people have seen these. 

popular sports anime (knb, free, dna, tsurune? idk i don’t watch much sports anime): they do okay. i rarely see any new sports anime edits beside haikyuu, but people do love their sports anime. has active sports fan blogs.

pokemon & sailor moon: old but gold. lots of people love these anime bc it’s part of their childhood. still very popular amongst tumblr users.

violet evergarden: does moderately well. @/fyeahvioletevergarden will reblog your stuff if you choose to tag them (big boost)! with the new movie coming up soon, there may be a resurgence in activity, but the most recent movie did not have much content made for it, so that hope may be crushed.

tpn: not very active, but with the new season coming up soon, there will be a resurgence in activity.

ditf: kind of dead, but lots of people love zero two. edits do moderately well.

sao: dead. absolutely dead. i thought there would be some activity bc it’s in season right now, but no, it’s a dead fandom. low key sao sucks tho. idek where the plot is going; i’m just hoping for an end.

hxh, one piece, fma, code geass: i’m not in it, but i think they do okay bc they have a large following, just not as well as haikyuu or bnha (but they’re still very popular). it depends on your blog demographic tho.

mp100, opm, bsd, given: kind of medium-tier fandoms. not as prevalent as haikyuu or bnha, but there are still edits being made for these anime. they don’t really have any active fan blogs (besides given i think) bc none of them are airing rn.

makoto shinkai & studio ghibli films: they do great! everybody loves good scenery, and the films are very well known and loved by all!

some seasonal anime (spring/summer 2020)

fruits basket: well this reboot blew up and overshadowed everything in it’s path. tbh only edits posted on the first day of the new episode do well. it’s a very competitive fandom for creators. 

kaguya sama love is war: first season was good, edits did well. second season drifted off into the shadow of fruits basket. relatively obscure fandom for how popular it is amongst people (non-creators). 

tower of god: popular with creators. now that it’s not airing, no one gifs it. respective fan blog is doing its best with content from the manhwa.

fugou keiji balance unlimited: people were simping even before the first ep came out, and then the anime went on hiatus for a few months. now that it’s started to air again, everyone acts like it never existed in the first place... was a good fandom up until the hiatus and now it will probably take a while to recover.

god of high school: nonexistent even tho it’s a popular pick this season (summer 2020). in the shadow of fruits basket.

deca-dence, bna, great pretender, kakushigoto, the misfit at demon king academy, rent-a-girlfriend: *sigh* didn’t see much of it on my dash. lesser-watched seasonal anime in comparison to fruits basket and tower of god (all relative to tumblr). there are gifs being made, but you have to follow the right blogs.

main point: if there’s any seasonal anime paired up against fruits basket at the same time, fruits basket will win and the former will be left in the dust.

[lovingatsushi]

Goodness. What a gift to be given your work to read~! Your writing is beyond beautiful in so many ways. The number one thing that sticks out to me is tone, which may be an odd thing to compliment, but it’s one of the most important things for me personally to make something a “favorite”. A good tone, the feeling I get while reading something, is a real present I rarely dare hope for when I read fan-fiction, but you have absolutely nailed it. Each word you write is so perfectly placed and well timed that it makes a distinct feeling in each of your works that is absolutely irresistible. Despite how harsh they often are, there’s a calming feeling to them, like you’re being guided through an experience, and this can become very unsettling when you are reading your angstier stuff. You feel very off-put when you're  reading a child get murdered, but it’s told in such a way that you feel so helpless that is beyond that of normal fiction. I absolutely just adore how reading your stuff makes me feel. I think your amazing word choice and metaphors are a big part of this. Like I mentioned, you’re so precise with it all that it just… makes it all perfect. I wish I was better with words, so I apologize if none of this makes any sense.

I think my favorite thing of your’s that I read was chapter three of until death frees you from, “somewhere, in a different time, perhaps”. It literally stole my breath away reading it. After reading it, I sat there, trying to recover in a way that’s hard to explain. I just… it wasn’t exactly that I was sad or devastated, I just felt so much that possibility that was brought up that it made me weak. Please never stop writing. I need this tone in my life more than I can ever describe.

💌💌💌

Let me begin by saying that you are one heck of a person; I’m so glad that I was able to meet you here in the BSD Fic Support Server, because you are a very enjoyable person to be around, and even though I know we’ve never interacted outside of that place, I want you to know that I do consider you a dear friend nonetheless and that I and many others look forward to seeing you post there.

I know you have been going through a lot lately, but I hope that things get better for you soon, and that just maybe this little message can make your day even a bit brighter than before, because you truly are a great person, and you deserve to be happy. You’ve been very kind to me in the past when I needed it and that means a lot, and you have some of the most amazing ideas for stories/ships, too! Your takes are always very interesting and I’ve loved hearing you talk about MoRanpo and such. ❤ You’re very creative and smart and just, thank you for existing. I hope you’ll stick around for a long time to come

💌💌💌

You have a way with words that evokes such a deep maturity about how you view the world - even simple actions like opening doors or going to parties take on a whole new meaning through your writing. I know you’ve posted a few times about struggling with getting new fanfics out on time, but please don’t be so hard on yourself!! I freaking love your writing and if it takes a month or more to put out a new chapter, then I’ll be right here waiting and excited for what you create.I also want to just say that even though we haven’t really talked much, I look forward to all of your posts in the server! You’re so friendly and excited about everything, and you’re open and honest about what you’re feeling. (Also you’re a fellow Fukuzawa lover which makes you hella rad in my book) You’re really cool and I’d love to get to know you better!!

💌💌💌

You are so darn cool and creative and have amazing ideas!! Your writing is powerful and I am inspired by your energy

[datura-foxglove]

How about Chuuya from BSD?

First impression : Whoa, he looks intense--- wait he is actually a shorty! AHAHA--- (and I laughed even harder when I go to the wiki and saw that he is shorter than me. Not that I have anything against short person but he just fits with the trope ‘short people is closer to Hell’ that I can’t help it. He is also had really short temper like Edward Elric that I got this nostalgic feeling)

Impression now : TELL ME MORE ABOUT HIS ABILITY I’M CURIOUS---- yeahh... if you don’t know yet, I’m really fixated on worldbuilding or how the magic works in a fandom. I rarely liked any characters enough to be emotionally attached, so in a fandom I usually only like one or two characters emotionally. For other characters, I am neutral or interested in how their skill/magic/Ability works. Chuuya is leaning more towards the later, so I’m pretty neutral for him and really curious with his Ability. I had done a few Ability analysis on his Ability, but even with Fifteen I still have questions. Dead Apple only flame this curiosity. Yeah, my friends said that if I’m not attached to my bed I’d probably be one of those mad scientist trope. For now I’m satisfied with my walking encyclopedia title. So before I go into a lecture mode about what I have discovered about For Tainted Sorrow (those interested can see my Ability analysis posts), if I go into his character... hmm...

For such a popular character, I don’t see the appeal? Maybe it’s just not my taste, hahaha. He is loyal to Port Mafia and is scarily awesome as a fighter, but maybe it’s because most of his interactions that I see is with Dazai that most of what I had seen from him is just his short temper. I want to see more sides to him, how he would act with his subordinates? We also barely see his interactions with Mori and Kouyou, which is unfortunate since from the little I have seen in Fifteen, Chuuya can be humble and really respectful to Mori. How about his enemies? He clearly is confident when he faces off against Kenji and Yosano, but what if he faces against way more dangerous opponent like Fyodor or Gogol? Especially Fyodor, because Chuuya is evidently weak against manipulation that he is defeated by Ranpo, who doesn’t have any Ability. We also know that Chuuya is loyal, but how loyal is he? Will he not hesitate to kill innocent people or children if it’s an order like Akutagawa? As of now, I had no attachment to him what so ever because what I have seen so far from his characters doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe in the future if we see more of him, I will change my opinion. But as for now, he is just one of the characters that I’m neutral to.

Favorite moment : Definitely on Dead Apple. The idea that Chuuya just use a whole building to smack a dragon on the head and then choked it with the building is just too damn funny.

Idea for a story : None? I do want to write a mahou shoujo!Dazatsu with Chuuya as the rival mahou shoujo but I don’t want to make any promise when I’m not even done with Fox Mask.

Unpopular opinion : Uh, I have written an essay above.

Favorite relationship : Again, none. But I think his subordinate-boss relationship with Mori can be my favorite if I can see more of it. Not shippy, just because it showed another face of Chuuya than what I have seen most often of him so far.

Favorite headcanon : Chuuya called his bike ‘my lady’ and treats it better than he treats his lover. If someone destroys his bike, Chuuya will kill the bastard with his own hands. It won’t be satisfying if he doesn’t even aware of what happened if he uses Corruption.

[nycttophilic-a]

Lia Michaelis~

=BASIC INFO= FULL NAME: Jezilia Michaelis NICKNAME(S)/ALIAS(ES): Jez (by her dad), Jezilia (by everyone in the Port Mafia), Lia (by her mom). Lia is NOT her nickname—yet—, but your muse can definitely give her that name. She starts all threads by only going by Jezilia. PRONUNCIATION(S): Jez-ee-lee-a AGE: 23, verse dependent GENDER: Female SPECIES: Human (ability user)  BIRTH DATE: October 31st SEXUALITY: Panromantic demisexual =PERSONALITY= PERSONALITY: Dark, dreary, mysterious, twisted, brilliant, cold EMBODYING QUALITY/IDEA: A really dark and mysterious introverted woman.  LIKES: Being alone, music, reading, writing music, sweets, darkness DISLIKES: People, crowds, bright lights, the outdoors, obnoxious people, the Port Mafia FEARS: Crowds, losing her loved ones WEAKNESSES: She has very little empathy, and expresses little to no emotion. It’s hard for her to show love to the people she cares about. She often struggles to convey her feelings to them, so she just doesn’t do anything about them and suffers in silence. Also has severe anxiety in crowds. STRENGTHS: determined, strong willed, musically talented SPECIAL/SIGNIFICANT BELONGINGS: She has a crystal necklace around her neck that belonged to her mother. She is always wearing it, but it’s not often seen. =PHYSICAL AND HEALTH INFO= HEIGHT: 5′10 WEIGHT: 122 lbs BODY TYPE: Tall and very slender as well as precise over every movement she makes. JEWELRY: Black earrings, a black choker, dark jewelry like that. Her mother’s necklace PIERCINGS/TATTOOS: Normal ear piercings, her left ear has a couple other piercings  SCARS/DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Her hair is raven black but her bangs are white as snow, so that’s an easy way to find her in a crowd. Body has scars from extensive training.  =RELATIONSHIP INFO= RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Verse dependent PARENTS: Kira Black (mother, supposedly deceased); William Michaelis (father, deceased) SIBLING(S): None (ability, Demona, is like a sister to her) – BEST FRIEND(S): Demona FRIENDS: N/A ACQUAINTANCES: N/A ASSISTANTS: her squad, the Shadow Demons GUARDS: N/A ALLIES: The Port Mafia PETS/SPECIAL ANIMALS: – ENEMIES: The ADA, the Guild, the Rats, the DoA (verse dependent) MAIN ENEMY(IES): ADA, Mori, her father MOST HATED: Her father, herself =STORY INFO= STORIES THAT THIS CHARACTER APPEARS IN: Bungou Stray Dogs STATUS: Alive BACKSTORY: Lia’s parents grew up together and lived on the streets together in London. Her father was secretly an executive in the Port Mafia, but her mom didn’t know this. One day, he left for work and never came back. Kira was pregnant with their child, which she didn’t realize before. She was sixteen. When Lia was 3, she and her mother were attacked in their apartment. The details are still unknown, and it’s believed that her mother died (which is what Lia believes as well). Her father, unaware that he had a child before hand, came and collected her. From then on he trained her under him in the Port Mafia. The training was brutal and what no child should go through, but he really did love her and want the best for her. He thought what he was doing was for the best. Lia hated what he did to her but had very mixed feelings about her father. When she was fifteen, she finally snapped and shot him in the chest, killing him. She thought that if she killed him she would be free from the mafia life, but she was sorely mistaken. Mori (who had just became the new boss at this point) allowed her to live despite the fact that she killed an executive, which is treason in the PM. This is because of how strong her ability is. Even though he allowed her to live, she’s still a prisoner without anyone realizing it. She’s more trapped than she ever was now, but her shackles are invisible. No one knows what happened to her father, and it’s said an enemy organization killed him. Mori wants to keep Lia’s little “slip up” a secret because if the PM ever learned that he allowed the murderer of an executive to live, they would want him dethroned. And we can’t have that.  – PLACE OF BIRTH: London, the United Kingdom PAST LIVING QUARTERS: London. CURRENT AND FUTURE HOMES: Yokohama. – NATIVE LANGUAGE(S): English  LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English, Japanese, French, a tiny bit of Russian (only from being exposed to it), some German, Japanese sign language  =TALENTS/OCCUPATION/EDUCATION= OCCUPATION/JOB: Mafioso—squad leader  BOSS: Mori TALENTS: Stealth, experience in combat, her ability.  YEARS OF EDUCATION: No formal education, taught some things by William.  LEVEL OF EDUCATION: N/A =COMBAT= SKILLS/TECHNIQUES: Prefers long range attacks. Has excellent agility and is pretty strong. Relies heavily on her ability, but is good at hand to hand anyway. Just in case. SPECIAL POWERS: Her ability, “Demon’s Embrace”. This allows Lia to manipulate and control shadows. She can use these shadows to do pretty much anything, like attack, hide her, transport her/other things and/or people, sense the area around her, give her night vison, and almost anything else. She can make the shadows solidify so that she can attack people and make tendrils that impale her victims, so in this sense her ability is similar to Akutagawa’s. HOWEVER, one major downfall to her ability is that she cannot make shadows. This means she’s basically ability-less during the day and in any sunlight, so she does most of her work at night. During the day the most she can do is create throwing knives from the shadows of her hood hat disappear in a matter of seconds. Her ability is the strongest at midnight with no moonlight.  WEAPON(S) OF CHOICE: Her ability. If she can’t use her ability, she often will just use a gun that’s hidden under her coat. Will use her own two fists if necessary.  STRENGTHS: Agile, fast, excellent at long range attacks at night, is basically undefeatable when in complete darkness, high pain tolerance  WEAKNESSES: Can’t use her ability in light and also become physically weaker and drained in light, especially daylight.  =VERSES= ~hσld чσur вrєαth αnd cσunt thє dαчѕ; wє‘rє grαduαtíng ѕσσn~ [High School Verse]—Lia, a human now, is quiet and dark and often can be found listening to music and not paying attention to class or those around her. She secretly works every day to provide for her adoptive sister and mother, since Kira is a single mom trying to become a doctor.

~ѕσund σf mч hєαrt; thє вєαt gσєѕ σn αnd σn~ [Band Verse]—Another Verse where Lia is human. In this one, she’s a quiet (erm, silent) electric guitar player who secretly has a few hundredsongs up her leather sleeves.

~í’m α crєαturє whσ‘ѕ up tσ nσ gσσd; í‘ll lσvє чσu líkє α vαmpírє wσuld~ [Vampire Verse]—This verse is very simple and the same for all of the muses that have it: the character is a vampire. This verse is very flexible, so if you have ideas please let me know so we can incorporate it into the thread!! But it’s nothing major, I just love vampires lol

~wє clαím thє lαnd αnd thєn thє hσrízσn; αnd σntσ thє wσrld íf wє ѕσ dєѕírє~ [BSD-Decay of Angels! Verse]—This is a side verse to Lia’s BSD verse. Here, Lia met Osamu Dazai in the Port Mafia and fell in love with him, only to have him leave her. At first, she believes him to be dead because that’s the easiest to believe. But when she learns he’s alive, she’s furious and destroyed to know that he would leave her in darkness after showing her this beautiful light. So, when a certain Russian approaches her and asks her if she wanted an escape from her dark and lonely life, who was she to say no? Thus, she joined the Decay of Angels...

~gσd dαmn ríght; чσu ѕhσuld вє ѕcαrєd σf mє~ [Tokyo Ghoul Verse]—In this verse, Lia is a half ghoul from birth. Kira was a human (died in childbirth) and Sebastian was a ghoul (whereabouts unknown). Lia is an incredibly strong ghoul, since she’s a one eyed ghoul, but no one would be able to tell. She lives her life as a human like Eto does, hiding her ghoulish nature. She’s also a member of the CGG, and an excellent one at that.

~íf í tσld чσu whαt í wαѕ wσuld чσu turn чσur вαck σn mє?~ [Monster! Verse]—An AU where the world is humans/monster hunters vs. monsters. Here, Lia is a wisp. She was created by the demon that protected a certain forest in order to lure humans in for him to devour. She isn’t alive and never was, so she doesn’t understand emotions and being alive. But she’s willing to learn. More information can be found here.

~í cαn вє hαppч wíth чσu; вut í cαn‘t вє hαppч íf í‘m dєαd~ [Simulation Verse]—Do you want to ship your muse with one of my four girls? Then this is the verse for you!! That is, if you’re prepared for some REALLY messed up shit and triggers like suicide, abuse, murder, blood, and many others. This verse is not at all for the faint of heart, and it’s best if you don’t really know what you’re in for. If you want to learn a bit more about this verse, you can find it here.

~tαkє mє thrσugh thє níght; fαll íntσ thє dαrk ѕídє~ [Villain! Verse]—A verse for My Hero Academia. Lia is just a normal human in this verse, and not related to Kira in any way. She works for the government as an investigator and uses her quirk—Hood: if she pulls her hood over her head she goes invisible—to investigate villains. However, she’s actually a villain in secret. She works for Anne and Leic at the Underworld (villain organization) to get info on other villains. She is loyal to them, not the government.

like this post if you have read it and agree to it, please.

[cyannawine]

Witheryvine’s BSD Fanfic Commissions

I’m posting this again because I generally have more time at the beginning of semester, and I made some edits to make this clearer as well. I’m trying to make some money to help with graduate school applications :) 

Prices (USD)

$10.00 per 1,000 words 

$5.00 for anything less than 1,000 words

Notes:

# Length: none; price will depend on the amount of words you want. However, I won’t charge you if I go over the word limit you asked for. So if you asked for 3,000 words and I write 5,000 words, you still only pay for 3,000 words.

# Time: in general, I can manage 1,000 words per day regardless. I might need an additional day or so for editing

# You can give me as much information as you like and I’ll do my best to include everything in the fic. Conversely, you can give me a basic prompt and be surprised (but do at least tell me what genre you want it to be unless you want to be really surprised)

# I mostly write Soukoku (Dazai/ Chuuya) but I’m willing to write other pairings 

# Rare pairings and threesomes are totally okay

# Genre-wise, I’m willing to write most anything. I’m okay with doing smut and PWP as well. I’m fine with most kinks too. With regard to darker themes, it would depend on what you want and I’ll consider them on a case by case basis. Also, I can do any AUs you want - high school, university, celebrities etc. 

# I can upload the fic to AO3 as a gift, or send it to you privately. I can also do both

# For payment, I would prefer it to be upfront and via paypal

# Or you can buy me a coffee at ‘ko-fi.com/cyanna’ if you want to :)

# Contact: 

1) Tumblr 

2) Twitter: @CyannaWine  

3) Email: witheryvine@gmail.com

I’d appreciate it if you could help me spread the word and reblog this. Thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️

[transparenttreeperfection]

Free Mmorpg For Mac

Free Mmorpg For Mac Osx

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Comments

Naruto: Slugfest is an open world MMORPG, off icially launched for the iOS and Android platforms by Cubinet Interactive. It features an immersive storyline with cinematic scenes, 3D cartoon visuals, and combat adventures that will have you do battle against other ninjas. Free Mmorpg For Mac. Difficulty Settings Choose your trouble mode, with even more rewards accessible from increased ranges of trouble. Dungeons and Raids Get on over 15 dungeons with a group or put a raid together to fight huge raid employers.

Ha ha, now that is funny...while there are some companies that write MMO's for both PC and Mac, CCP is an example, none of the free ones do. Good reason for that, most of the free games come out of Korea and China and Macs are quite rare in those countries. So chances that one of these free companies will fund a mac client are slim and none.

Nothing wrong with a Mac, but if you want to play games you buy a PC.

Originally posted by Ozmodan Nothing wrong with a Mac

Except for their blatant monopolistic attitude (which is only allowed because they are the little guy). Let's face it, they only restrict their operating system to their computers so that they can sell us over priced hardware. Imagine the outrage if Microsoft did that.

I'd hate them much less if they openly allowed people to buy computers to meet specifications to run their operation system.

Oh well, I guess the one friend in our group will have to get a PC or a parallel. See, he's sort of the scholarly type... not really but he doesn't need the entertainment of a PC to the full extent.

So he can't play much games with us.

Dofus will work on a Mac, but I have no idea if you'll like it. I would guess not, but you might.

Also, if he has bootcamp, and he most likely does, then he can install Windows on his Mac and run PC games. That'll open up a whole world of free MMOs you can choose from.

Current: None Played: WoW, CoX, SWG, LotRO, EVE, AoC, VG, CO, Ryzom, DF, WAR Tried: Lineage2, Dofus, EQ2, CoS, FE, UO, Wurm, Wakfu Future: The Repopulation, ArcheAge, Black Desert, EQN

Tell your friend to use bootcamp (should be free with the most recent versions of OS X). I set it up for my friend and his girl, and it works perfectly. No problems at all.

Originally posted by bleyzwun Tell your friend to use bootcamp (should be free with the most recent versions of OS X). I set it up for my friend and his girl, and it works perfectly. No problems at all.

Why even use a Mac if you run Windows on it?

-------------------------

Originally posted by Kruugar Originally posted by Ozmodan Nothing wrong with a Mac

Except for their blatant monopolistic attitude (which is only allowed because they are the little guy). Let's face it, they only restrict their operating system to their computers so that they can sell us over priced hardware. Imagine the outrage if Microsoft did that.

I'd hate them much less if they openly allowed people to buy computers to meet specifications to run their operation system.

Exact same reason I hate them. I would go as far as to buy OS X and install it on my PC if Apple would loosen their iron fist. No chance in hell I would buy over priced hardware just to use a BSD based OS.

Tried: LotR, CoH, AoC, WAR, Jumpgate Classic Played: SWG, Guild Wars, WoW Playing: Eve Online, Counter-strike Loved: Star Wars Galaxies Waiting for: Earthrise, Guild Wars 2, anything sandbox.

Originally posted by Netzoko Originally posted by bleyzwun Tell your friend to use bootcamp (should be free with the most recent versions of OS X). I set it up for my friend and his girl, and it works perfectly. No problems at all.

Why even use a Mac if you run Windows on it?

So the light up apple on the back of your laptop can declare to the world how unique and special you are while you uniquely surf the web and charismatically check your email in the local coffee shop.

Tried: LotR, CoH, AoC, WAR, Jumpgate Classic Played: SWG, Guild Wars, WoW Playing: Eve Online, Counter-strike Loved: Star Wars Galaxies Waiting for: Earthrise, Guild Wars 2, anything sandbox.

Originally posted by Netzoko Originally posted by bleyzwun Tell your friend to use bootcamp (should be free with the most recent versions of OS X). I set it up for my friend and his girl, and it works perfectly. No problems at all.

Why even use a Mac if you run Windows on it?

You run both Mac and Windows on it. Mac so you don't have to deal with Windows while you work. Windows for the occasional PC game you want to play.

Current: None Played: WoW, CoX, SWG, LotRO, EVE, AoC, VG, CO, Ryzom, DF, WAR Tried: Lineage2, Dofus, EQ2, CoS, FE, UO, Wurm, Wakfu Future: The Repopulation, ArcheAge, Black Desert, EQN

Free Mmorpg For Mac Osx

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Lord of the Rings Online is a fantasy MMORPG or ‘massively multiplayer online role-playing game’ that shares the same epic universe as J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. The game is set in Middle-earth, where players go on solo and co-op quests and adventures, often against the evil servants of Sauron.

Free Mmorpg Game For Mac Free Warspear Online (MMORPG, MMO) for PC is now available for PC Windows 10 / 8 / 7 or Mac. It is the best role playing the classic 2D MMORPG with heroes for the players.

[detortum]

|| A very long IC post/drabble about Dazai’s childhood before he was taken in by Mori Ougai. It’s a mix of my portrayal, based on headcanons from the real life Osamu Dazai’s work: No Longer Human and the BSD manga. 

Word count: 1.700

Note: I made it ‘vague’, as you’ll notice, on purpose. A lot is left to the imagination because I don’t want to make people uncomfortable. That being said, people who already know my headcanons or read No Longer Human can easily guess the ‘soft’ hints towards the abuse (physical, mental and yes, also sexual). Again, none of that is directly mentioned, but you can guess it. 

Osamu Dazai has always been a peculiar boy. When he was asked to eat, he ate. When asked to make his homework, he did it perfectly, without a single complaint or mistake. When asked to sit still and keep his mouth shut, he did exactly that. Now what was so peculiar about this? Wasn’t he merely being an obedient child? However, wasn’t that exactly the problem? A ten year old child, doing everything to please everyone around him? 

You see, Dazai did not feel hunger. He didn’t enjoy eating. He ate because he had to, because he was asked to. He finished his plate, no matter what it was to please the family’s cook and his father. Late at night, however, when he lay on his futon, he would cry out in his pillow from pure frustration. Why did humans eat? Why was what necessary? Why did they enjoy it? Why did their tastes change based on what was on their plates? How did that work? 

Dazai simply didn’t understand this concept. 

This was the case with many things that should be normal for a human, but weren’t in the boy’s eyes. Osamu Dazai failed to comprehend humanity. He didn’t understand how they thought, what they wanted and why they made certain decisions. 

Was he different? Perhaps he was just the odd one out. That had to be it, right? 

All Dazai wanted was to be an obedient son. He smiled, joked and became the clown. He never expressed his opinion and let everyone else decide for him. There were no limits. Whatever the family and servants requested of him, Dazai obliged. What else was he supposed to do? Dazai had no opinion, he had no idea who he was supposed to be. All he knew was how to smile and please, to obey and fulfill outrageous request that would (normally) make any reasonable humans feel disgust. Let’s not go into detail about the latter, not for now at least. 

If there was one thing Dazai knew for certain, it was that he was afraid of his father. Everything was alright as long as his father was pleased. However, there were many times the opposite was the case. Since Dazai couldn’t bring himself to understand humans he also failed to understand what his father wanted from him. He nodded and smiled an unnatural smile whenever he was in his presence. His father assumed and judged the boy based on what he saw only. He expected a lot of his sons, the youngest, in this case Dazai, included. He ended up scolding Dazai a lot. Whatever the boy did, it was never good enough. It terrified Dazai. Wasn’t he pleasing everyone? Didn’t he make his homework? Then what did his father want? 

His father was blind to the boy’s best attempts. He saw a disappointment only. A boy with a weak body and a weak will. 

Even if Dazai managed to perfect his mask, his odd way of thinking still slipped through, especially because of what the household did to him, mentally... and physically. No matter what they did to him, Dazai was only afraid of his father, failing to comprehend what this enigma in his life wanted from the boy. 

His situation at home was starting to become worse, his father was stressed whenever he was home and Dazai started to feel the urge to get away from him more and more. 

Osamu Dazai grew up in a large, old fashioned, Japanese mansion in the outskirts of the city. He was only brought to school by the driver, but rarely visited the stores or other places worth visiting in Yokohama. There was simply no need for it, his family thought. The boy had people to get whatever he needed themselves. 

More often than not, Dazai started to hide away in the garden, in empty rooms that weren’t in use and each time he became more and more creative in finding small hiding spots so he couldn’t be found. He found it calming to be alone with his thoughts, especially when he started to see a certain someone... 

This someone did not really exist, but it did in Dazai’s eyes. When one looks in the mirror, they see a reflection of themselves, their hair color, their eyes, mouth, other complexions, clothes and body. However, that was not what Dazai saw. He saw a being that had the form of a human, but was empty. A mere black spot stood there, grinning at him. 

He became his companion. Even though Dazai knew it was his reflection, he still treated it as a being that guided him, someone who told him what to do when he was confused. 

Dazai never made his own choices. He always listened to others, so when instructions were unclear to the boy, he decided to listen to the Ghost’s whispers. That was who this certain someone was, his reflection, the Ghost. 

There was another reason why Dazai hid as often as he did. Sometimes being surrounded by others simply became ‘too much’ for him. The boy was highly intelligent, but his weak body prevented him from properly showing his worth. His thought process was rapid and a lot happened at once in his mind. It was a constant thing, even when he was asleep his brain worked constantly about observations the boy made during the day, the smallest details he noticed and would remember the rest of his life, the things done to him, his father’s silent anger and most of all, and perhaps this was what scared him the most, sometimes, when he thought something was going to happen, it actually did happen. He had no way of understanding how this was possible. He merely observed and drew conclusions based on those observations. That was all. 

It was scary. 

He remembered everything he read, saw and heard. He could use a piece of information he read years ago in a situation he needed it. It was his way of at least forming some kind of comprehension towards these beings called ‘humans’. He wanted to be part of them, but how? 

One day, he was told he disappointed his father. Once again, he was bedridden. He had broken his ankle and couldn’t walk. It happened when he was hiding in the cherry tree during Fall. He had been feeling tired that day, mentally that is, so he wasn’t paying proper attention when climbing out. He fell and his father had been home at the time it happened. The words did something to him, but Dazai didn’t understand what the feeling was. It felt cold in his stomach and blazing hot in his chest, his cheeks colored because of it and he became lightheaded (he received a mild concussion because of the fall as well). He had an important test that very week and now couldn’t do it. 

Perhaps it may not sound as bad, but it certainly did feel terrible for Dazai. Once again, he realized he would never be good enough in his father’s eyes. This was only one example of the many and one day, Dazai decided to go to the city by himself. It happened after school and he told the driver he’d be back soon, though, he purposefully did not specify for how long he’d be gone. He just wanted to take a look, or so he thought, at the humans in the city. 

Dazai got lost. Perhaps he could have been easily found by the police or even just his family, as they had been searching, but being lost had made Dazai’s brain short circuit, it seemed. He ended up in the wrong neighborhoods, asked the wrong people for directions and ended up even more lost, both literally and in his mind. Everything was unclear and he only had the Ghost as his companion. He decided to ask it for advice, what should I do? But the Ghost didn’t answer, it only grinned as usual. 

And so Dazai ended up panicking, silently, hiding away in a dark corner of a back alley with wide open eyes, for he learned not to cry. Neither could he bring himself to put up his smiling mask however. There was no one to please, no one who wanted anything from him. 

His ankle hurt, it was still healing and his arm was still bandaged as well (which was an incident, one we’ll skip for now as well). He lost track of time and only kept day from night apart, he was getting thinner, but did not register he had to eat, because he never felt hungry. 

At long last, he met a certain man, one who was smiling and happily chatting with a young girl, Dazai thought she could be his daughter, but then again, he wasn’t sure about that either. The girl pointed at Dazai, the man didn’t feel like going out of his way to take a look at the boy at first, but then a third man came, one wearing a simple black suit who decided to ask Dazai who he was, so Dazai answered with his name: ‘Osamu Dazai’. The man then asked where his parents were, so Dazai replied his mother has always been in the hospital, so he rarely saw her and his father was angry with him, as always, so he was afraid of going back home now. Then the man with the girl came after all and asked if he wanted to go back home. Dazai shook his head. He was afraid, his father didn’t need him, he was only a burden in his eyes. The man gave him a piercing look, one Dazai failed to understand. 

He ended up at an infirmary, or so he was told that it was that. He was treated, given food and asked countless questions by the peculiar man about who he was, his family and all the things that had happened at home. Dazai obediently answered. Days after, the man gave him a choice. He could bring him back to his father, who would definitely be furious, but the boy could also stay with the peculiar man and learn from him. 

Dazai chose the latter. 

[elliotthezubat]

BUNGOU STRAY DOGS OC MEGA POST THING

just an info dump on my BSD OCs

ITS GONNA BE A LONG ONE SO BEAR WITH ME

also

DO NOT REPOST MY KISEKAE PICS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

Name: Rain (real name: ???) Age: 23 Affiliation: port mafia Ability: misfortune absorption [absorbs back luck around her, but as a result gets her into some awkward situations] Birthday: September 16

likes: Chuuya Nakahara, red velvet cake, quiet evenings, warm blankets, hydrangea flowers

dislikes: ougai mori, her ability, embarrassing situations

VA: Satomi Arai

bio: mori’s secretary. she’s rather meek and often hard on herself, but she is hardworking and cares a lot about those close to her. though she has a huge crush on chuuya, she feels she is unworthy of his affections.

Name: Naoya Shiga Age: 25 Affiliation: port mafia Ability: perspective [allows her to sight jack anyone within 400 feet of her Birthday: February 20

likes: bubble gum, motorcycles, anarchy

dislikes: tedious work, her father, osamu dazai

VA: Mie Sonozaki

bio: she joined the mafia after a falling out with her father. she is part of the black lizard squad as well as designated mafia mom friend. enjoys joking around with people, but can hold grudges against those she dislikes.

Name: Yana Age: 19-22? Affiliation: rats in the house of the dead Ability: n/a Birthday: January 9

likes: taxidermy, listening to her Walkman

dislikes: people messing with her work station, being interrupted.

VA: Shizuka Itou

Bio: a lady of many mysteries. despite this, she has a rather casual, if sarcastic attitude and is usually in the morally grey area. it’s often difficult to tell what she’s thinking.

Name: Mary Shelly

Age: 19

Affiliation: none

Ability: Frankenstein [allows her to bring back dead animals. not human. NEVER human]

Birthday: August 30

Likes: animals, road trips

Dislikes: smoking

VA: Eri Kitamura

Bio: very unlucky and is often finding herself injured. but despite this, she keeps a positive and cheerful attitude and tries to help people as best as she can.

Name: Bram Stoker Age: 23 Affiliation: none Ability: Dracula [allows him to create and control blood] Birthday: November 8 Likes: soft pillows, piano music Dislikes: being ill VA: Tatsuhisa Suzuki Bio: mary’s friend and often caretaker. his ability often causes him to vomit copious amounts of blood. known to have a rather gloomy aura about him, his most common phrase is ‘i’ll certainly die’.

Name: Miura Age: ??? (appears 24) Affiliation: port mafia Ability: ... Birthday: July 30 Likes: working Dislikes: interruptions, coffee VA: Hiromi Konno Bio: one would say that she’s married to the job. she is another mafia secretary and often keeps everyone else in line. rarely expresses emotion, almost as if she were robotic...

Name: Oscar Wilde Age: 25 Affiliation: the guild remnants Ability: portrait of dorian gray [allows him to shapeshift into another person, but he must have a visual reference to work with] Birthday: October 26 Likes: stylish clothes, baked goods Dislikes: bigotry, tacky wallpaper VA: Ryohei Kimura Bio: flamboyant and not afraid to break gender norms, he is also a master of sass. he also loves to give nicknames to everyone.

Name: Shizuka Kanei Age: 21 Affiliation: port mafia Ability: n/a Birthday: May 25 Likes: cats, ougai mori, flowers Dislikes: thunderstorms VA: Azumi Asakura Bio: mori’s secretary during the dark era, she appears younger than she actually is. a bit naïve as well, it is unknown what happened to her...

Name: George Eliot Age: 15 Affiliation: n/a Ability: n/a Birthday: November 22 Likes: freedom, potatoes Dislikes: feeling restricted VA: Nana Mizuki Bio: a common street urchin? or something else?

Name: Charlotte Bronte Age: 12 Affiliation: order of the clock tower Ability: jane eyre [creates a puppet entity to protect her] Birthday: January 17 Likes: tea parties, her sister Dislikes: mud VA: Aoi Yuuki Bio: one of the bronte twins. not much is known about them yet.

Name: Emily Bronte

Age: 12

Affiliation: order of the clock tower

Ability: wurthering heights [increases the strength of the ability of anyone she chooses]

Birthday: January 17

Likes: tea parties, her sister

Dislikes: mud

VA: Inori Minase

Bio: one of the bronte twins not much is known about them at this time.

Name: Elwyn Brooks ‘Ebie’ White Age: 17 Affiliation: the guild remnants Ability: ebie’s web [allows her to transform into a spider Birthday: July 11 Likes: her plush pig Wilbur, county fairs, apples Dislikes: fire, long car rides, anything fermented VA: Yuki Matsuoka Bio: a girl with a big heart and a wild imagination, is the one doing recon for the guild remnants.

Name: Jane Austen Age: 24 Affiliation: order of the clock tower Ability: pride and prejudice [creates an illusion of what the target desires the most] Birthday: December 16 Likes: romance, roses, handsome men Dislikes: crude people, people who hate love VA: Aina Suzuki Bio: a hopeless romantic, she hopes to meet the love of her life someday.

Name: Katya Age: 27 Affiliation: rats in the house of the dead Ability: 10 seconds [allows her to freeze time for 10 seconds] Birthday: August 28 Likes: guns, toying with her enemies Dislikes: boredom VA: Miyu Tomita Bio: nicknamed the ‘silver bullet witch’, she is formerly a trained soldier with a strong bloodlust. also don't call her short, just don't.

Name: Nankichii Niimi Age: 14 Affiliation: salamander publishing Ability: gon the little fox [creates a fox like creature to protect him] Birthday: July 30 Likes: rainy days, his mother Dislikes: scary places, being away from home VA: Hiromi Hirata Bio: one of kenji’s friends of ihatov, but is his exact opposite in terms of personality. nankichii is rather timid and often prone to crying under stress. he also lost his mother at a young age.

Name: Rowena Poe Age: 16 Affiliation: n/a Ability: n/a Birthday: November 1 Likes: the occult, her brother, fairy tales Dislikes: people who hurt her family, the smell of certain mushrooms VA: Reina Ueda Bio: poe’s younger sister plz don't kill me canon purists with a strong fascination with the occult. she also genuinely cares for her brother’s well being and was often the one looking after him back at home.

Name: Colette Age: 27 Affiliation: MIMIC Ability: n/a Birthday: January 28 Likes: flowers, her country, gide Dislikes: her father, being looked down on. VA: Ayumi Fujimura Bio: a member of mimic and damn good with a musket. she has a strong sense of right and wrong, and is also a bit of a goofball. also gide’s lover before she was killed in the battle against the order of the clock tower

Name: Anna Barkova Age: 19 Affiliation: rats in the house of the dead Ability: n/a Birthday: July 16 Likes: chew toys, bones, Fyodor? Dislikes: nothing...? VA: Kaori Shimizu Bio: Fyodor's childhood ‘friend’ (if you could call that ‘friendship’) who behaves like a dog on orders from Fyodor. she also lost her eye when he stabbed her with a screw driver. possibly unstable?

Name: Zoey Lewis Age: 24 Affiliation: rats in the house of the dead Ability: n/a Birthday: March 10 Likes: Fyodor, love, pain inflicted on her Dislikes: enemies of the RHOD, her former self VA: Sayaka Kanda Bio: a former nurse, she ended up being recruited by Fyodor and has since become utterly devoted to him. she has almost no sense of free will of her own anymore and follows Fyodor's commands above all else. [ie she’s kinda messed up. a lot.]

phew, that’s about as many as I can list ATM otherwise i’d die

bios don't contain everything, just the most basic facts.

feel free to ask them anything

DO NOT REPOST MY KISEKAE PICS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

[itsclowreedsfault]

Huge Tag Meme Masterpost pt 1

aka I’m finally doing all the tags I was tagged at some from months ago orz

under the cut because this is really really long 

Tagged by @okita-senpai. Thanks Minnie! <3

1) Coke or Pepsi? None 2) Disney or Dreamworks? Disney 3) Coffee or Tea? Tea 4) Books or Movies? Books 5) Windows or Mac? Windows 6) D.C or Marvel? Marvel 7) Xbox or PlayStation? PlayStation 8) Dragon or Mass Effect? Idek what those are haha 9) Night Owl or Early Riser? Night owl! 10) Cards or Chess? Cards 11) Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 12) Vans or Converse? Hmm, both 13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Canadash or Adaar? What is this xD 14) Fluff or Angst? Fluff 15) Beach or Forest? Beach (only because there are probably less insects there) 16) Dogs or Cats? Definitely cats :3 17) Clear Skies or Rain? Rain <3 18) Cooking or Eating out? Eating out 19) Spicy or Mild Food? Mild 20) Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas? Christmas 21) Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? Too cold, get the heat away from me ugh 22) If you could have a superpower what would it be? Mind reading! 23) Animation or Live Action? Both 24) Paragon or Renegade? Don’t know what these are either haha 25) Bath or Shower? Shower 26) Team Cap or Team Iron-Man? Iron-man  27) Fantasy or Sci-Fi? Fantasy 28) Do you have three or four favorite quotes it so what are they?  'Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?' (from HP) /  ‘People are mirrors. If you smile, a smile will be reflected.’ (from AkaYona) / ‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.’ (from HP) 29) YouTube or Netflix? Both 30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson? Harry Potter 31) When do you feel accomplished? Lately it’s whenever I actually do smth tbh xD  32) Star Wars or Star Trek? Star Wars 33) Paperback book or Hardcover book? HARDCOVER <3 <3 <3 34) Fantastic beast or Cursed Child? Fantastic Beast  35) Rock or Pop Music? Pop 36) What is the most important thing in your life? My family, my friends, my boyfriend, my cats <3 37) Mountains or Sea/Ocean? Mountains 38) How do you express yourself? Very poorly usually lol 39) What’s the first book/film that really counted to you? Harry Potter 40) What’s your element (air, water, etc)? I have no idea... air or water I guess? 41) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? New York or Japan  42) If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? Writer 43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? Be able to get by without having to work, have all the books on my wishlist, get rid of my anxiety  44) If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? I want to say pasta but I’d get fat really fast lol 45) What’s your Spirit Animal/Patronus? Cat 46) Would you kill yourself and save your friends or kill your friends and save yourself? Save my friends 47) If you had to become a mythical creature which would you be? Dragon 48) Your favorite song? Changes all the time xD 49) A4 or A5 notebooks? I don’t really have a preference, I rarely use them haha 50) If you had to give up on someone you love, making this person forget about you, and never see him/her again, to save his/her life, would you do it?  Yes 51) Did you ever wished to become someone else? If yes, then what would you do to make yourself better? Hm, yes, I guess? I always wanted to be someone who isn’t hindered by anxiety or who knows what they want to do with their life. 52) If you had to live with one fictional character of your choice, who would it be? Jae-ha (damn it’s so hard to pick only one!!)

Tagged by @tartan-llama, @yukination, @takasukis, @kaemutsumi and @harashins. Thanks my lovelies <3

RULES: Tell is your favorite character from 10 fictional works (Shows, Movies, Novels, Etc.) & tag 10 people! 

1. Jae-ha from AkaYona / 2. Todoroki Shouto from BNHA / 3. Fai Flourite from TRC / 4. Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle / 5. Osamu Dazai from BSD / 6. Undertaker from Kuroshitsuji / 7. Viktor Nikiforov from YoI / 8. Seven from Mystic Messenger / 9. Nezumi from No. 6 / 10. Mizuki from Kamisama Hajimemashita

Tagged by @kuroosukii. Thanks Mooza! <3

Last Movie I Watched: Princess Mononoke

Last Song I Listened To: Fanatic of Night (by the Sakamaki bros from DiaLovers)

Last Book I Read: Gemina

Last Thing I Ate: Italian bread with cheese and tomato sauce

If I could be anywhere in the world I would be in: NY or Japan

Where would I want to time travel to: The future

Fictional characters I would hang out with for a day: The Happy Hungry Bunch <3

Tagged by @aileenaison, @takasukis and @kaori! Thanks bbs <3

rules: you can only say guilty or innocent. you are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you or asks you.

asked someone to marry you: innocent

kissed one of your friends: guilty

danced on a table in a bar or tavern: innocent

ever told a lie: guilty

had feelings for someone whom you can’t have: guilty

ever kissed someone of the opposite sex: guilty

ever kissed someone of the same sex: innocent

kissed a picture: innocent

slept in until 5pm: innocent

fallen asleep at work or school: guilty

held a snake: innocent

been suspended from school: innocent

stolen something: innocent

done something you regret: guilty

laughed until what you were drinking came out of your nose: innocent

caught a snowflake on your tongue: innocent

sat on a roof top: innocent

sang in the shower: guilty

been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: guilty

slept naked: guilty

made a boy friend/girl friend cry: guilty

been in a band: innocent

shot a gun: innocent

donated blood: innocent

eaten alligator meat: innocent

eaten cheesecake: guilty

still loved someone you shouldn’t: guilty

have/had a tattoo: innocent

been too honest: guilty

ruined a surprise: innocent

ate in a restaurant and got so bloated you can’t walk after: guilty

erased someone in your friends list: guilty

dressed in a man’s clothes: guilty

dressed in a woman’s clothes: guilty

joined a pageant: innocent

been told you’re beautiful by someone who meant it: guilty

still have communication with your ex: innocent

cheated on someone: innocent

got totally drunk the night before an important exam: innocent

a total stranger treated you by paying your fare: guilty

got so angry that you cried: guilty

tried to stay away from someone for their own good: innocent

actually murdered someone: innocent

thought about mass murder: guilty

actually committed a mass murder: innocent

rode in a stranger’s vehicle: guilty

stalked someone: innocent

had a girlfriend: innocent

had a boyfriend: guilty

totally drunk during a holiday: innocent

Tagged by @kirei-na-jinsei​ and @kaori​. Thanks my lovelies <3

🍓 fave fictional character: how am I supposed to pick only one ok so my most recent fave is my son Todoroki Shouto from BNHA

🍰 fave book: Harry Potter (all seven of them, yes haha)

🎃 fave game: Mystic Messenger? I mean it’s the only one I play so haha

🎈 fave sport: I don’t like sports lol

🎠 last song i listened to: Fanatic of Night

⭐ first language: Portuguese

Tagged by @takasukis and @yurioplisetskies. Thanks dearies! <3

Nickname: Tha Zodiac sign: Aries Height: 1.63m Last Thing You Googled: goodreads Favourite music artist: 100 Monkeys, The Pretty Reckless, Wave & Rome, and others Song stuck in my head: Gaston from the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack Last Movie you watched: Princess Mononoke What are you wearing right now: PJ’s What do you post: Manga, anime, stuff about writing  Why did you choose your URL: because CLAMP ahaha Do you have any other blogs: Yeah, it’s always on queue though @brazilianbookishgirl What Did Your Last Relationship Teach You: idk Religious Or Spiritual: Neither Favorite Color: Blue, purple, black Average Hours Of Sleep: I have no idea, around 5-6 hours maybe? Lucky Number: Don’t have one  Favorite characters: Fai, Jae-ha, Soo-Won, Howl, Todoroki, Bakugou, Viktor, Dazai, Chuuya, Yue, Undertaker, the list goes on forever How Many Blankets Do you Sleep With: 1 Dream Job: Writer

Tagged by @yukination. Thanks Yukina! <3

Name/Nickname: Thais Relationship Status: Taken Favorite Greeting: Hey! Pets: Two cats (and another one we’ll adopt when we move less than two weeks from now <3) Last song I listened to: Fanatic of Night Favorite TV Shows: I don’t watch any anymore First Fandom: Harry Potter Hobbies: Editing, writing, coloring, listening to music Books I’m currently reading: Soundless by Richelle Mead Worst thing to have graced my tastebuds: Fish Favorite place: My room

Tagged by @dazaisosmu. Thanks Dessa! <3

1. favorite anime? AkaYona, BNHA, YoI, BSD, Natsume Yuujinchou, and others

2. your worst anime? Super Lovers

3. do you read the manga that goes along with the anime you watch? If I really like the anime then yes :)

4. most favorite genre? Fantasy, idk maybe action??

5. least favorite genres? Sci-fi

6. favorite character? Fai, Jae-ha, Soo-Won, Howl, Todoroki, Bakugou, Viktor, Dazai, Chuuya, Yue, Undertaker, and others (yes I totally copied the list from above lol)

7. least favorite character? Atm Mineta from BNHA

8. qualities you like in a character? I don’t know xD I like a lot of different type of characters

9. short or long anime? Short, I don’t have the patience to commit to longer ones anymore orz

10. anime or manga? Both

11. how do you choose the anime you watch? Usually by reading the summary and seeing if it interests me

12. skip or listen to intros/outros? Skip unless I really like the song

13. how do you cope if your friends or family don’t like you watching anime? I don’t really care, I’d keep watching anyway :P

14. do you stop an anime midway if you don’t like it? Yes!