#randomscenario

[mayflowers515]

Random Scenario #1: The Living Traffic Light

Just thought of this because these three literally are the colors of a traffic light. I hope you enjoy!

____________________

Crafty: Thank you for deciding to model for me guys!

Bobby: Of course, Crafty!

Kickin: It's no problem really. I'd like to think I make a pretty rad model, so hit me up anytime you want a good-looking fella as your model again, K?

Hoppy: *rolls eyes* Oh, don't get too over your head, Kicks. It's ONE time. And we're just getting started.

Kickin: Aight, whatever. Was just sayin'. Sooo, what's the prompt, princess?

Crafty: I was thinking you guys could tower on top of each other to look like this! *shows them a painting of a traffic light*

Bobby: A traffic light?

Crafty: Mhm! Seeing you guys side by side made me think of that. Do you like it?

Hoppy: I mean... I guess, but did you only decide on that just because of our colors?

Crafty: *looks down shyly* Maybe a little bit- *looks back up quickly* But that's not the only reason! Your traits made me think of each color on a traffic light, too!

Bobby: Ooh, you really think that? How so?

Crafty: Bobby, you remind me of a red light because you always encourage us to stop and think through our feelings.

Bobby: Oh yeah. I see what you mean, Crafty!

Crafty: Kickin, you remind me of a yellow light because you like to take things slow when it comes to finishing things. Okay, maybe that isn't TOO good of a reason, but...

Kickin: Hmm? I can sorta see that. Clever thinking, princess.

Crafty: And Hoppy, you're the definition of a green light! You're always going into life head first and whenever you see a chance to keep going, you take it!

Hoppy: Hey you're right! I am like that aren't I?

Crafty: Mhm! I can't wait to make you guys look like a traffic light. It'll be so cool!

Hoppy: Hold up, are you going to paint us as an actual traffic light?

Crafty: No no... I'm not sure how I would go about that... Maybe I'll at least add something extra to the background though. You know, to make it more thematic...

Kickin: Alright, do what you need. *points at self* This dude's ready to strike a pose!

Hoppy: Okay, I'm green light, so I'm carryin' you guys!

Bobby: Will you be okay trying to lift up both of us, Hoppy?

Hoppy: Don't worry. I can hold you two just fine! Watch!

*Hoppy is gesturing Kickin to put his feet on her hands*

Kickin: U-uh... Y-you sure you got this?

Hoppy: What? Afraid I'm gonna drop you or something?

Kickin: Um, n-no! I DID say I was looking forward to this, wasn't I?

Hoppy: Alright... I believe you. *adds quickly* For now. *lifts Kickin up by his feet*

Kickin: *is a little startled* Woah!

Hoppy: Feeling steady?

Kickin: *processing his position and sighs with relief* Yep. Feelin' steady! Thanks, Hops!

Bobby: Oh, but how am I supposed to get up? I don't think I'll be able to climb up to you guys like this...

Hoppy: Oh, shoot- Didn't think about that. Sorry.

Crafty: I can help you get up there, Bobby. I'll just use my horn!

Bobby: Oh, really?

Crafty: Mhm, at least I can try to... Kickin, get ready to catch her by the feet once she lands!

Kickin: At your service!

Crafty: *slowly levitates Bobby*

Bobby: Ooh, I'm flying!

Crafty: Alright, steady... steady... Almost there...

*levitation starts to wear off, but just in time for Kickin to catch Bobby by her feet*

Bobby: Oof!

Kickin: Gotcha!

Crafty: Phew... That could've ended badly. Are you doing okay up there, Bobby?

Bobby: Mhm! That was a nice ride, Crafty! Thank you!

Crafty: *giggles* It's nothing. ...Okay, now that you guys are in position, time to paint!

Hoppy: Alright, I just need to make sure... How long will I be holding these guys for?

Crafty: Oh, it hopefully shouldn't take too long. Though I do like making the details stand out... so... Well... *blushes a bit* A-actually, it might take a little while... *says quickly* Sorry...

Hoppy: A bit of a challenge then, huh? Okay, I can handle it! Just don't take a SUPER long time and we'll be good.

Crafty: O-okay...

*after some time has passed*

Bobby: Are you guys doing okay down there? It's been a little bit now...

Kickin: Never been better, BB. *looks down at ground and shudders* Never been better... W-what about you, Hops?

Hoppy: S-still holding up! No worries about me!

Kickin: You sure about that? Looks like you're struggling a bit there.

Bobby: Are you sure you're okay?

Hoppy: Yep, I'm sure! You guys aren't THAT heavy, so I'll be fine~.

Kickin: Hmm, should I REALLY trust that? I mean, your grip does seem a bit shakier than it was earlier. It would be such a shame if you dropped us right about now. *says quietly with a hint of fear* A real shame...

Hoppy: Oh please. You're only saying this because you're worried I might drop you. You'll be just fine, Chicken.

Kickin: *in a playful tone, offended* Heyyy, I'm no chicken! You take that back right now!

Hoppy: But you ARE a chicken aren't you? How am I supposed to take it back when you're right there, huh?

Bobby: *in a playful tone* You guys... Don't try to argue with each other down there or you might just make me fall over! *giggles*

Kickin: Oh no need to worry your little head, BB. That's not happenin' any time soon. Riight, Hopsotch? Right?

Hoppy: Oh, won't you two quit it? Nothing will make me drop you guys! Not now! Not ever! We're all in this together after all!

Crafty: *sighs and speaks to self* You guys really are like a living traffic light, aren't you?

____________________

Got inspired to make this after I saw posts about this trio, and I agree. As a group, they're underrated af

(The two goofballs who share a brain cell meanwhile the friend trying to keep hold of them both; literally these three)

This is the first written scenario I made for the Critters. Please let me know what you guys think!

❤️💛💚

[hehe471]

Do you want to die?

… I’d like to.

Would you let me?

You wouldn’t even manage

[dreamydarkblue]

shining rays of gold is all i ever see

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 238

tagging: @ravenadottir @aislinnstanaka @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi @moderarato @offtopicoverload @lasswithumor

notes: love and obsession have a thin line between them, and most times i feel we confuse them. who knows? maybe they are the same. i guess the way they are both extreme, creates great stories to tell. for the music suggestion, beautiful crime by tamer.

barefoot on the grass listen to me singing oh there’s the mighty sun and here is the mighty lover; it’s almost like they are the same. for i never once saw your face dear, these are just feelings i can’t conceive. i ought to hide them and never speak. if i do, i am worried that danger will be the both of us. since the only thing i know is you.

why don’t you ever stay and why does the winter come? i’ll paint a thousand paintings, i’ll write a thousand stories for you are the light i can never feel close enough to. and when they say i have gone mad, don’t fret. since my love could never be a threat, for you.

i suppose i am undeserving and devoid of the things someone might need. but you aren’t just someone, are you? for no one could ever be as bright, as warm and as unyielding. no one could be you.

i thought about it the other day, how the oranges taste. their pieces as sweet as the apples on the burning trees. and i thought, my lover has done the same. i walk in flames of agony and anticipation, the only sounds I make are the ones people only whisper about.

so i shall make them sing, oh there is the mighty sun and there is the mighty lover; it’s almost like they are the same.

[darkflierazura]

Soul Eater Civil War

Team Maka (AKA Cap)

Maka

Crona 

Ragnarok (Technically)

Soul Eater

Kim

Jackie

Team Kid (I guess its Team Iron Man)

Kid

Liz 

Patty

Oz

Harver

Tsubaki and black star would peace like banner and thor.

[puspitads]

Facade

Hidupku berwarna. Begitu katanya. Hm, apa kau pernah dengar tentang pembentukan persepsi publik? Pernah dengar tentang facade? Aku mengartikannya sebagai sesuatu yang biasa mereka kenal sebagai pencitraan. Ya, bisa dibilang itu yang kulakukan, pencitraan. Aku membentuk sebuah citra untukku. Tapi bukan dalam hal akademis seperti yang sering kau tuduhkan itu. Tidak. Ada lebih banyak citra yang lebih perlu untuk kupalsukan dibanding sekadar seorang anak yang tidak pernah belajar.

Aku membentuk sebuah image, a facade. Lalu dengan mengamati karaktermu dan mempertimbangkan opini publik pada umumnya, aku mencoba untuk menebak perspektifmu. Aku memperkirakan bagaimana kamu akan menilaiku dari sudut pandangmu, memperkirakan apa yang harus kulakukan agar penilaianmu sesuai dengan yang kuinginkan. Berdasarkan perkiraan itu, aku melakukan improvisasi dan membentuk aku yang kamu kenal, yang terkadang kamu bicarakan di antara obrolan dengan temanmu di belakang punggungku.

Saat itu kupikir rencana brilianku sudah berhasil, kupikir aku sudah berhak untuk tersenyum menang. Namun kemudian aku sadar bahwa kamu tidak hanya mengoarkan baikku, tetapi juga burukku. Aku marah, aku ingin menampar wajahmu atas koaranmu, aku ingin meneriakimu bahwa kamu tidak tahu apa-apa tentangku. Tapi bagaimana bisa? Aku sendiri yang menyulut apinya. Aku sendiri yang salah perhitungan. Jadi apa yang bisa kulakukan selain diam-diam meredam hatiku yang terbakar?

Lebih dari semua itu, aku sendiri yang memilih untuk berbicara denganmu dari balik topeng. Selagi kau hanya menjadi dirimu sendiri, aku memakai topeng, memalsukan citraku, dan menjadi orang lain agar aku bisa mendapatkan apa yang kuinginkan darimu. Setelah semua facade yang kupasang, apa aku masih punya hak untuk marah? Atau biar aku marah saja? Toh kau tidak akan melihatnya. Toh yang kau lihat hanyalah citraku yang kupalsukan, just a facade you’ll never get to see through. 

[imagine-this-once-blog]

Love and Death/Love in Death

I imagine I scene where I'm sitting with a girl at an outside patio. We're just friends spending time with one another, catching up on old times and talking about nonsense. We get up and start to leave when a stray bullet hits me. Either that or a car slams into my body as we cross the street. After whatever death-inducing freak accident happens, I manage to drag myself to the sidewalk. I take out my phone to snap a final photograph of myself while she watches helplessly as I sit up against a lamp post sucking in my final breaths of life, struggling to stay alive. I want her to have a normal photo of me; I don't want her to see me lay there dying. 

Bullet impacted the liver/car crash has left me with severe internal bleeding. Whichever scenario suits best. I realize I won't make it so I take her hand into my own bloodstained one, look into her eyes, and smile. 

"I'm sorry we were never more than friends. I've always loved you. Don't ever pass up a good thing."

All sound slowly starts to become overwhelmed by a piercing ringing. Muffled ambulance sirens can be heard in the distance. Her shrieking is drowned out by the approach of death. 

-End scene

[dreamydarkblue]

warm hands brushing the hot tea cup

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

warnings: depression, death mention

word count: 700

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi @gin-o-clock @offtopicoverload

notes: i truly think the loneliest moment in life is staring at the sunrise. alone and awake. knowing you should have slept through the night, but feeling like tomorrow won't be different. music suggestion, sorrow by sleeping at last.

I never had anyone to wake up with.

It sounds silly and, it is probably, but i always rubbed my eyes alone.

Lifted my blanket off my legs and stretched alone.

It gets boring quickly.

Maybe that's why i started staying up til the sunrise.

The colours look so pretty, and it feels like the day greets me.

It feels like i am welcomed, and everything will be alright.

I don't feel so alone then, just for a second.

After that comes the hurt of not being able to share this moment and feeling with someone.

I am sad and the blues at the top of the sky make it worse.

And as i go down i see it withering away to white, just before mixing with yellow, and it reminds me of sorrow.

The taste of it very sour, like homemade lemonade i used to make in middle school.

And then it turns into orange, the deeper i go the deeper i feel.

I talked to my therapist the other day and she says depression can make you see the world through the lens of sadness and hopelessness.

I guess she is kinda right about that.

Even the moments that were once so precious to me, that used to bring me comfort, now hurts more than i could have expected.

Everything feels too complicated, i just wish growing up wasn't this difficult.

Because i don't want to see the world through my eyes anymore, it's all so tiring.

And i am sorry but i did kind of lie about getting up and stretching, because even that feels like a chore now.

I used to be so scared of my mom finding my cousin and i staying up and trying to make the best of our limited time together.

Talking about anything and everything in between, doing the silliest things i couldn't imagine doing with someone else.

And i remember us seeing the moon disappearing and the sun going up, laughing it off and eventually going to sleep.

The warmth of the sun on our tired faces and the colours of the sky hugging us like we were newborns.

Maybe that's why i stay up now, i just want to feel that way again.

I was always too nostalgic for my own good, caught up in the past and begging the time to let me stay there.

Alas the days go by, i can't differentiate them anymore but i just know it has been a week or so since i have been staying in my room and lying in my bed all day.

It feels weird being unnecessary.

Like i said the days go by, nothing or no one needs me, i don't need me.

Well... i guess i do look through that lens towards the world.

The worst part is i do know how to fix things but i can't do them.

Or maybe i don't know, maybe i am trying to make myself believe i am still of use to myself.

I guess by the time the sunset is here and all the colours are back, i will still be in my bed.

It makes me stop though, makes me stop and look outside for a moment and feel the day ending.

It's always about the endings with me, huh?

I think i am scared of endings, that's why i try to normalize them in my head so much.

Even beyond that, add some meaning to it so i can think that i still mean something.

Like how when the day ends, the night starts and even in the dark somethings stay alive.

I am afraid, i have always been.

Just hoping and holding onto the precious memory of someone wanting my hand.

I am scared of endings, i am scared of being forgotten and not being needed.

I am scared i will become needy and only seek out people that will help me, hear me out.

I am sorry i am just rambling, i know you have some stuff going on as well.

Tell me about it please, i promise i will try to not think about it for a while.

Would you like some tea?

[dreamydarkblue]

twelve years old

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 386

tagging: @ravenadottir @aislinnstanaka @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi@gin-o-clock @offtopicoverload

notes: life goes by fast, and the older you get the faster it becomes. haven't been keeping track of things that used to matter before, and the things that seemed useless are the backbone of living. something happens at a certain time that just stops your way of life and somehow you are stuck at that age you don't wanna be in. for the music suggestion, veer by fins ara.

i'll watch your breaths, count them as i did over and over, until i feel at peace. the story could be at its end but i am still turning the pages slowly and slowly, until it's something else entirely. don't you let go of me now i still haven't been around enough. i want to be there when the daisies bloom and your garden is full of flowers. tell me the time has been passing because i haven't moved a bit, i still see the same places through my twelve years old eyes.

it's something bittersweet and funny the taste is on my tongue. it burns with vigor and hate, i wonder when it changed and i started missing it. i'll make you, your favourite dessert, "I'll love you"s in every bite. i hope you can taste it now. it was something different back then. -and I'll hold your hand, painful to recognize the patterns because we will never be the same and we haven't even changed. rose petals fall down the aisle it's another summer, coming down with the fever. you hate seeing people happy and i hate seeing people that remind you of me. did it need to be so simple that it complicates it? i'll hold your eyes if you hold mine. -but don't promise yourself anything. i was once a little girl, now i seem all grown up. -and your new lover's arm on your shoulder, sneaking glances through the people. you have just met them but something tells you it'll be for evermore. i still stand still on my tiptoes watching everyone else grow up. it's all a lie if you want it to be, but i haven't figured it out yet. i wear suits to feel serious, i fidget with my hands on the way. my face is bare without makeup, i don't feel superior, just insecure. and i smile but hide my teeth when i laugh. i don't know who taught me all this stuff but now i miss being home. i regret ever coming here. i wish i knew what was happening and i didn't need help to figure stuff. -but i still see the same places, all at once, through my twelve years old eyes. nothing will ever be the same and everything hasn't even changed.

[dreamydarkblue]

tenderness

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 386

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi @gin-o-clock

notes: opposites attract, or so i have been told. and i think that is because they are the same, they are the same parts broken into two. they complete each other in a way the same lacking parts wouldn’t, and it is fascinating to think about. for music suggestion, tessellate by alt-J.

There is a certain tenderness in knowing that we are different, but the same. I know that our hearts beat different blood, they beat different sounds but they beat in harmony and in company. Your hands touch different things, they beckon me over and mine can’t help but get closer. I wish I knew how your mind worked but you’ll never know how mine works and I think that’s beautiful.

There is small surprises in them that keeps things exciting, new beliefs and lovely shapes of dramatic feelings. And your eyes keep it mysterious, so soothingly haunting. I don’t know if I should be scared, but my body is betrayal and I let the adrenaline surge through me. Time and space are funny concepts that make me miss you, your tongue sweeter than the words it speaks.

And my only wish was to gain back that shine I earned from you, a rather impossible wish. You think I don’t know that but I know, and I feel. Raw as the morning sun and true as the shadows it creates, my feelings hurt me. Under my belly and around my chest, under my feet and around my arms. Your touch lingers and it is scorchingly hot, punishing me for saving your memories.

New faces and new feelings, I searched for them to be screamed back at. Your glass heart’s sound reminding me, there couldn’t be another one. Different as they come different as they go, never the same. Remember how I said it was beautiful? Maybe I was looking through rose glasses, making everything much more believable.

Footsteps carry me home, a chorus of whistles, pushing me towards a scarily familiar place. Different than the mirror I looked at, it shows me a new place, a new glass to be filled with new things and to be emptied in an interesting way. Will you tell me what is it? I don’t know what it is, I don’t think I will ever know what it is and I wish it was beautiful.

Drinks can’t help, they never did. Time and space are saddening concepts that make me miss us, a place where everything felt safe. I knitted soft sweaters and gifted them to you, wrapped in some truths I couldn’t say out loud. Would you have believed me?

[dreamydarkblue]

he loves me

| randomscenarios|

rating: T

word count: 652

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi @gin-o-clock @offtopicoverload

notes: feelings are so hard to understand, aren't they? they confuse us and sometimes that's what we need. sometimes we become blind to the truth because "how could it be?" we think this is for the best and what if it isn't? what could you possibly do? how can you scream when you know no one will hear you? for music suggestion, dying is a beautiful thing to do by EASHA.

and there is this one boy that i really like- he is handsome and all smiles, unforgettable eyes looking right at mine- oh how beautiful it is to be in love! and he tells me everyday how much joy it brings to him, he tells his mother of our growing affection he tells her to buy me nice stuff so he can show his appreciation he can’t give his heart, i beg him not to because i know he craves for it to happen. he shows me his appreciation.

he shows it to me when we are sitting on a bench in the park, with one of his arms around my shoulders and one of his hands on my phone going through my instagram feed, lifting his eyebrow at the ones he thinks that aren’t good for me so he shows me that he cares and makes me unfollow. he cares so much about every little thing because he wants me to be the happiest i can be. he shows me his appreciation.

it’s eight am and i am attending both my classes and his, his headaches are getting worse and i know that i should be here for him. it makes me exhausted but that’s okay because i am showing that i care. if i miss one of it, he reminds me because he knows that i want to show him my appreciation he promises me kisses and hugs, all i can think is “this is it, he cares too!” he shows me his appreciation.

i talk with my friends, message them a lot because i love them they love me as well, always there if i need some attention, a text away and they let me speak as if they can feel my hurt through the screens we look at they joke around a lot and make me happy, maybe the reason why no one sees my tears and i talk to them about him in need of advice and reassurance that my sanity is still here they tell me it’s serious, is it that serious? he needs me, i remind them. “yes, he needs you. for his own responsibilities and ego…” he shows me his appreciation.

my mind is full of regretful thoughts, he cares, doesn’t he? when he asks me about where i have been, it’s to ensure my safety, right? when he starts to get angry about my exes, it’s because he wants me, right? when he remind me about how he cries to his mother, it’s because he wants to stay, right? doesn’t it make any sense to them? don’t they see that he thinks in a different way but still loves me? no. they don’t. they can’t see it. how could they know about it if they never felt his hands around mine and the way he smiles through his laughs because he finds my answers so funny? “we are for each other, we don’t need anyone else��� he says it all the time. he shows me his appreciation.

and there is this boy that i really like- he is handsome and all growls, unforgettable eyes looking right through mine- oh how tiring it is to be in love! and he tells me everyday how much joy it brings to him, he tells his mother of his growing affection he tells her to buy me nice stuff so he can show his smile he can’t give his heart, i beg him not to because i know how much my back already hurts from carrying his other stuff. he shows me his appreciation.

i love him so much and he makes me so happy, there isn’t anything like ours. he showers me with his kisses and hugs, careful to not touch my bruises and hurt me more. and my friends all vanished away in the blink of an eye, couldn’t they even say goodbye?

[dreamydarkblue]

honey sufferings

| randomscenarios I

rating: T

word count: 219

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi

notes: this one was a little sweet thing i wanted to write. a sentence in here stuck with me and i tried to write something to go along with it. it is actually a very deceiving title, as it is not that sweet but poetry and irony, you know? for music suggestion, you can only go in pieces by shua.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turn this suffering into something sweet, could be soft beneath the hands that take it.

Make me regret my words, one stone to two birds, your hands full with satisfaction and grief.

Stars dance under my eyes, the moon painted with red just like my tries.

The hand that I write this with isn’t innocent of crimes that bear heartbreak...

Drip off me like honey, never grow old just as you pleased.

Taste me on your lunch break, make me a dream as you take and take and take.

You ran off leaving me alone. I had no one, no home to go.

Believe me, I never wanted to end, like the movies it was all pretend.

Under your bed, the sweatshirt I wear, hold onto it every day.

Feels wrong but it’s true. I’ll never know the way I loved you.

I’ll never get to see my dreams bloom into something more. I’ll never dance in the kitchen with a lover on my arm. Will never taste your pleasure, your tears or your smiles. Will never get to have your surprises, your plans, your love.

No one knows how it works, it takes. I left before I could get to that place.

Now with my best dress on, I sit alone, watch you over, watch you grow old.

[dreamydarkblue]

in theory

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 350

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi @gin-o-clock @offtopicoverload

notes: everyone is always trying to be put together; sometimes to impress others, sometimes it’s because that’s the only way of living we learned to be accepted. there is nothing wrong with that, of course, but to breathe for a moment in the fresh air of letting go of the holds on us is truly amazing. at the end of the day, all of our broken parts make us the different and interesting stories we are. for the music suggestion, love in the time of socialism by yellow house. 

They hold me like I am glass, one fall away from breaking.  Turning into pieces that can paint you red, or become stuck not to be found again. And no matter how much you try to return it to its original state, it stays as it is. Broken.

So they burn me, on top of fires that are hotter than anything I have ever felt. To become something once again, destruction must start. And isn’t it mesmerising how my form turns into something similar to water? Deceptive. 

Now they shape me to be different and beautiful, believing that I can be. See through outsides fancy with golden corners, sparkly illusions. And i need to be worth it, someone needs to take me or it was all for nothing. Expecting.

Dust collects on my once shiny surface and exhaustion takes over. Something that was once a body now awaits the end, betraying its temporary purpose. And it’s all heartbreaking to watch, all the potential lost to be passed onto the next ones. Wasteful.

My nightmares haven’t become my reality yet, for once my hesitant nature is helping.  Theorising is just another way for someone to lose their minds, constant thoughts bleeding into it.  And if my overstepping became too much, if the fall happened, wouldn’t it be just like that?  Believable enough. 

The universe is calling to me through a foggy weather, thunder and lightning.  The light scares everyone and makes them wait for the sound, counting the seconds, the danger. And my hand reaches out, living on the edge to take it, not caring enough.  Cruel.

Could the history become the beauty, the meaning making it unavoidable to look at? All the rusted armour put on a shelf in a museum, the significant importance.  And after all, isn’t the philosophy behind kintsukuroi what makes it so touching?  Distinctive.

Your cuts and your edges, the harmony of the mess, the hurt transforming.  You mean something and you should be sure of it, believe it. And the world will not be accepting but your battle scars are the reason I love you.  Gracious.

[dreamydarkblue]

blood that i bled

| randomscenarios I

rating: T

warnings: blood mention, implied death

word count: 437

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel @mistyeyedbi

notes: so i am back at this writing thing after nearly a month! this one is a little grim, but the first sentence inspired me a lot that i needed to write something with it. especially in this day and age, love is kind of an obsession and it is hard to not mix good with the bad because of the portrayals in media. that was kind of the whole thing i went with. for music suggestion, empty note (acoustic) by ghostly kisses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I crave love so much that I bleed. I bleed and I bleed until my veins become hallow. A reminder of the time it wasn’t that complicated. 

Before everything became a blur, a hazy fog around my mind, and I couldn’t distinguish the ugly truth from the perfect illusion. They mixed together so well, creating a colour I didn’t recognise. A colour that should have concerned me more with its mystery, but I used it to paint our portrait. They danced together on the canvas, a sweet melody on my lips to keep them like that. The melody you used to hum whenever things started to get confusing. 

Because you knew how hypnotising it was, how easy it was to lure me in with it once and once and once again. Until I became the shell of the person I used to be, filled with your promises for the better. My need for love, for acceptation, for validation keeping this puppet show that you called love going.   

Veins pale as a ghost, a sickly look. I bled but it wasn’t that red you loved, it wasn’t painted with love. My heart didn’t beat, a corpse came alive. And then the blame was on me, as if I was the one who drained my life out of me. 

Why did you do it? 

Why did you take it all when you knew I would give it all? 

Why did you make me believe in lies you told to everyone else, why couldn’t they be for me and just me?

Why couldn’t I be the special one?  

I was so obsessed with being loved, that I didn’t understand what being loved by you meant. A suffocating feeling, like being underwater but still seeing the sun and thinking of the possibility of getting out. All hope lost, like accepting that you were too deep in the murky waters to see land again. A dead end, like feeling the last second of your life slipping away from you as you get buried under blankets of blue, imagining the warmth of the sun against your skin as the cold turns everything into an icy memory. 

The pathetic situation of me thinking that I deserved it all. I deserved it all but love. 

The only thing I never got, could never get and will never get was love. The thing that I wanted the most- no the thing that I needed the most was the thing I never got. It was the thing that brought me my doom and my pain. 

Where did I go so wrong for it to end like this?

[dreamydarkblue]

this letter is a riptide in the ocean

|randomscenarios I

rating: T

warning: swearing

word count: 1917

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir @bubblelaureno @ariendiel

notes: memories are weird, they hit you when you least expect them. and inspiration is the same, but they fuel each other. opening up is hard, but through a nameless letter that will never be sent is easier. imagination runs wild. for the music suggestion, the cut that always bleeds by conan gray.

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“Hey you,

It's been quite long hasn't it? I am sorry I don't have the courage to do this rightfully, and not like a coward hiding behind a letter. I am sorry. But you know I have never been like that, I could never be like you. Even when we first met, I was hiding behind my mother's legs.

Oh, I was so nervous, I never liked new places, you know it. We were living in the city, in the poorer area, and then we went to your family's house. It was huge, everything was too big. Why did you guys have an elevator in your house, weren't those for corporate buildings? And then you guys were intimidating too, I mean you were nice, don't misunderstand my words but you can understand where I am coming from, right? Your dad was a big name and your mom was a successful business owner. Then you had everything, the looks, the charming and kind personality, the brains. How could I not hide behind my mother when you guys were everything we were not? Everything that we could never be.

And then I still remember how you welcomed me, I could never forget those memories even if I wanted to. And trust me sometimes when I felt alone and like crying, those were the only ones that I couldn't shake off. You shared your toys with me, gave me a tour of the house and even shared little secrets only you knew. I felt special that day, like you liked me. But I never tried to ask if it was like that, it would be a foolish thing to do. I didn't want the disappointment of it not being true and it was rather silly.

Of course you didn't like me, it was out of kindness that you were doing that. Even if you did, we were young children back then. Any feeling you felt, you didn't know what it was. I still have that yellow plushy you gave me. It feels nice thinking about it.

That happened the second time we were there, I was much calmer. Still a bit too excited but who wouldn't be, when it was so different from what I knew? We had dinner together and your mom made one of the best pasta I have ever eaten. Then we walked up the stairs to your room, and you challenged me to lift the dumbbells sitting in the corner. Of course I couldn't lift the ones you suggested but, I wasn't going to back down just because it was impossible...

That sentence does summarize my personality well, don't you think?

Well, after my numerous tries I finally did lift them, just a little. But it was a win for me, and I still remember your laugh. It was contagious, I loved it so much. I even put myself through that just because I knew the silliness would make you laugh.

I miss those days, now all I can do is imagine.

And after that whole thing, you prized me that yellow plushy that now sits in one of the boxes I put away in a corner. I can't bear seeing it, it actually makes me cry and you know how hard it is for me to cry. But I love it so much. It's so stupid, that it makes this happy to think about but it does. It's about the only thing I have that is not memories.

And then we stopped hanging out, and all I had was my unknown feelings and that damn plushy. I was too young and dumb to be upset about it, but I knew I was sad. I knew it hurt in way I couldn't comprehend.

I missed you a lot during those years. Whenever someone talked about you, suddenly I was in the room, listening attentively. And whenever my mom and aunt joked about you and I, I didn't show it but it was too much. It made me happy to know I wasn't the only one having those thoughts but it hurt.

It hurt to know that I would never have that with you, when you were the only person I wanted it to be with. It hurt to know that we probably became strangers, and you didn't even think about me. It hurt to know that even if we did meet again, you wouldn't like me.

I lost that innocence, maybe you liked me because of it. Anything I had was less than what you deserved, and I didn't like how I looked, how I talked, how I was too nervous to be something.

Those thoughts always made me mad that I felt like that, because I wasn't some dumb bitch that lived in a dream, and didn't realize how impossible it sounded. I knew it was impossible, that's why it made me mad. I wasn't in control, I couldn't stop myself from feeling like that. And that was angering me.

After some years of denial, I kind of forgot about it. Yeah, I did think about you whenever I heard the word first crush, but still it was better. And then you fucked up.

My aunt and mom decided it would be a good idea to visit your mom. And me being the dumbass I am, I decided to go along with them. Maybe you would talk to me again, maybe you would say hello. Even just seeing you would be enough for me, I was desperate more than I realized.

We sat in the living room, except you. You were in your room, and I can't blame you for it. You probably would have been bored just like me, and it was better to play games with your friends. You never saw me doing it but I was trying to impress your mom. And you too, I brought a book with me and read it. So silly, I know. You probably would have laughed if you knew my intentions then. But still, you didn't get out of your room, probably because of the things I listed. I understood that but I never understood the way you acted when we ate dinner together. Why were you so cold and snarky? I said something to your sister and you acted like you didn't want me there.

Was I too annoying? It's hard to remember now, maybe I acted too bratty, maybe I was too weird, maybe I tried too much. But it didn't matter, I got the answers to my questions.

I was right to be angry with myself, I was right. We would never be something other than old acquaintances. I was right to not like my self, not like how I look, not like the way I acted. But you hurt me a lot, you asshole.

Did you know that I held back my tears in the car ride back home, because I couldn't explain why to my mom if she asked?

Did you know that I still can't wear the things I wore that day without something in me breaking?

Did you know the things I wrote from that, how many pages you are written on, how many songs I feel you through, how many movies I dreamt us in?

And I felt so stupid, I still do, and I don't think I will ever not feel like that. My non-existent confidence is the evidence you need. I see myself in the mirror and think if you would like the reflection. I sometimes act a different way and your words from the silly chat we had rings through my head. You are like a cloud looming over me and I don't know if it will rain.

And then you became worse. I had forgotten about it, moving on from the silly crush you were but then you reminded me.

My mom came back from a visit to your dad and I wasn't going to ask about you, I promised to myself. I wanted to, so bad, and because of that I didn't.

But fuck me, you talked to her about me. You asked her how I was doing it and how was school going. How I could go to that school that I wanted. I don't want to believe my mom, and the fact she says she didn't start the talk about me. I don't want to feel helpless again and believe that you still remember me. I know that if I do, it will be a long time until I get back up again.

Still, every time I go back to you. And your beautiful black hair and eyebrows. Your eyes were such a beautiful brown, and I hate my brown ones, for they could never be like that. Your hand were so soft and the time I held them, I didn't know how much I should have been thankful. And I still go through the phone your mom gifted me. It had your photos in it, the only ones I could hold onto.

And this whole quarantine thing happened, everyone decided to talk through zoom. And our parents suggested it too, I hated it. I hated how I immediately thought about you and how I got sad because you probably wouldn't show your face. Two could play that game, and I didn't want to show mine because of other reasons already.

Then you once again surprised me, talked to my parents and asked about me. I don’t know why you did it, maybe because you didn't see me and wanted me to suffer because of it. Maybe it was genuine curiosity or it was just kindness, nothing that should be thought after this much. But of course I did. And I even got closer to the screen so I could see you, risking myself getting exposed.

You looked amazing, just as I remembered but much more mature. Is this what soulmates were, would that be reaching too far? Because every time I start about forgetting you, something reminds me.

I am still hopeful and you would probably tease me about it. But I can't lie to myself anymore, I lie to everyone else and that includes you. It hurts to know that I will never be enough. I can't be happy and hopeful, either, because I know how it ends.

It ends with me dreaming about us, dreaming about your arms around me and your face close to mine.

It ends with me thinking of you as I sleep, trying to see you at least through my subconscious.

It ends with me doubting myself and trying to feel emotions when someone asks me why I act like that.

It ends with me writing a letter addressed to you even though no one other than me will ever see this.

I hope you get the things you want from life, I hope someday we can meet again. And if we meet again, I hope I impress you.

I miss you, F.”

I wrote the last line as I held back a storm. I folded the paper, put it in a letter and hid it in a drawer.

That was my sorrow story, every night to feel undeserving of love. Feeling like a joke whenever my friends said someone might like me. Feeling your eyes on me even though, we haven't been in the same room since 6 years ago.

Your cloud loomed over my head and I welcomed the rain.

[dreamydarkblue]

love

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 533

tagging: @ravenadottir @lasswithumor

notes: so you know how in the films it's always the big reveal, how they set it up like it wasn't clear, so we believe it to be just like that in real life too, how they say "i love you". i got frustrated with that and realized that love can be seen and felt in so many different ways, and tried to convey it with my words. i hope i was able to get the message across. for the music suggestion, no one believes in love anymore by susanne sundfør. i found out about this artist thanks to @ariendiel, thank you so much!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He has always been straightforward. Saying the things as they are, and not trying to conceal anything. Very surface level, he believed love to be the same. Saying the words that could be forgotten tomorrow, burned away in the fire, becoming ashes that drifted away in the morning. Hand in hand, making a show out of it.

No, it wasn't like that at all. It took so many tries and cries out of him to realize that. Every past memory of him thinking of forever, dangling the three words out of his mouth like it was a game. Thinking that a view of the big city under him, lights reflecting on his skin was the best. Only feeling the highs was satisfactory but not real. If love was indeed a ride, together on a bumpy road, then you needed to be shaken.

No, love was something else entirely. It was the quiet moments, under covers. Feeling their arm around him, when he shivered because of the nightmares. Love was him getting home tired but cooking their favorite food anyway. Love was opening up the door as he carried the bags inside.

Love was in the little moments when just the two of them felt it. When she put the necklace around his neck and left her hands there a little longer. When a small touch of lips on his wrist was felt, as he was feeling worried. When he calmed down because of her hand on his knee under the table.

Love was feeling the rush but choosing to be patient. It was time ticking away as they waited. It was understanding boundaries and not cutting a hole in the barbed wires. It was choosing to be shamed for them. It was a feeling so lost, yet found everywhere.

It was in the hands of a toddler sharing their toy with you. It was in the inside jokes between you and your friends. It was in the cookies your grandparent baked you. It was in the soil of a new plant. It was in the pen that was writing a letter. It was in the little doodle someone left in your notebook. It was within the grasp of your kindness, making a stranger smile.

As he played with the necklace, drawing different shapes on the arm around him, he realized love didn't need to be found in dates and other people.

The feeling of it, didn't need to be said. It didn't need to be romanticized.

It could be waking up everyday and not hating yourself for it. Looking in the mirror and not determining your worth, being excited and not feeling ashamed, asking for help while still trembling, realizing your mistakes and trying to be better.

Love could be choosing to sleep in the night, knowing the nightmares would come back. Love could be losing yourself and then fighting to get it back.

All we ever wanted was love, all we ever needed was love. Hundreds and thousands of art reminding us of the fact. They weren't forgotten, so we could remember. Remember and learn.

It was believed to be unbelievable, but anyone could find love if they forgave and didn't forget.

[dreamydarkblue]

bus stop and wishes

| randomscenarios |

rating: T

word count: 1850

tagging: @lasswithumor @ravenadottir

notes: so, sleeping is such a vulnerable thing to do next to someone. your body takes over and you don't know what kind of embarrassing thing you are gonna do but choosing to do that, at least in my books, is such a great way of showing trust. and to choose doing it in a public place, kind of showing the other person that you trust them to protect you from the world. that feels amazing and i wanted to convey that through my words, hopefully i succeeded at it. for the music suggestion level up by sigrid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bus stop was crowded as usual, the afternoon traffic was very loud. So many cars, long long roads, so many people trying to get somewhere. As hectic as it was, you were used to it and it didn't disturb you anymore. You kind of looked forward to it after a long day of school. It wasn't really understandable how you would miss this much noise during the day but there was one more thing that made you excited for it.

Your friend and you used the same bus and this particular friend of yours was very much becoming a crush. Not that you would ever say that to them but still, it was exciting for now at least. You would deal with the frustration and heartbreak later.

You walked through the crowd on the overpass, you wondered everyday how it continued to hold up with this much people on it. You don't know what kind of magic the builders used but it must have been pretty good. You went down the stairs and walked towards the bus stop. Why did you get nervous every time, you just walked up to them, waved a hand, they smiled at you and that was it.

You would get on the same bus but you never got around to sitting next to them. That was asking for embarrassment at that point if you did that. Still it was nice daydreaming about it, looking out the dirty bus window. Why were they always this dirty, did no one clean them? Well, you were sure the drivers were left to deal with it and they had enough work, so you couldn't really blame them. This bus’s driver was a single dad, you learned that when he needed someone to look after his child, as he needed to work an extra gig for that month's rent.

The child was so sweet, you remembered how they wanted to share their meal with you even though you told them that you weren't hungry at least five times. That day was one of the better ones from this year. As you looked at the child sleeping peacefully, their head in your lap and them under a soft blanket, you felt content and happy that you decided to help the driver that day. Every now and then you would bring them something you baked, it was so lovely, the way that the child's dimples showed themselves every single time.

For that busy of a bus stop, the bus you went on was very peaceful, probably because of its route. It was very long, had very few stops and most of the time, you would be late to anything you wanted to be on time for. But you didn't have anything planned for the most part and you liked the thought of them seeing you everyday.

You would put your bag on the seat next to you, considering most of the seats would be empty. Maybe some day, they would sit next to you, so you would have to take your bag onto your lap. Your wants from life were weird and very specific but you never understood the vague wants anyway. Those kinds were very tricky and easy to manipulate, you learned that very early on as you watched many genie related cartoons.

You were fascinated with the idea of them, you had your own lamp to rub on. Every night, you would rub it three times and wish for your parents to be more happy. You didn't realize without the specifics of it, it could mean very different things. You still remember how they became so happy, so fast in a few days. And then the illusion faded away and the act got tiring. At least you had your little sister, you were as close as one could get. Sure, it put a weight on your shoulders you didn't ask for, but it was nice knowing that you were useful for something at least.

You dared to let your eyes wander to their side of the bus, and found them with headphones on their head, looking down at their phone. They loved their phone, smiled at it a few times during the road. Was this creepy?

Yes, very much so, stop it.

You returned to look out the window, so many cars, the traffic was very busy today, more than usual which was really something. How was it possible getting more busy, you didn't know that. You let out a long, draggy sigh. Maybe you should have taken the other bus, it's not like they were going to notice you any of these days. If you were a bit more brave, maybe everything would have been perfect. You guys would talk and, maybe they would even like you.

No, don't be dumb please. That was very much against the odds. You didn't have anything exciting to make them excited, and don't you even get started on the looks department. It was just a fun thing to think about and dream. For a second to think that you could be loved back, and it wouldn't hurt like everything.

A rustling noise of clothes, you turned away from the window to find them in the seat in front of you.

What? When did they even...?

You looked at their sneakers, they must have been brand new. The whites of it were pristine clean, which was a really hard thing to accomplish if they weren't new. You realized that you were being rude staring at their shoes, so you looked up at them.

A warm look in their eyes, and an even warmer smile on their lips. You were going to say something when you remembered that they were still listening to their headphones.

You knew their inability to speak from the time you saw them talking with their friends. They never voiced their opinion but from the looks of it they could understand what the others were saying. And when they did say something, they used their hands. From that day on, you started taking sign language lessons, it was needed even if you didn't talk with them. Honestly, you wondered that day why you didn't take it before.

They realized you looking at them but not really seeing. They waved a hand and you returned to the bus.

You have embarrassed yourself in front of them, great, this was exactly the impression you wanted to leave.

You finally reacted and smiled sheepishly, they wrote on their phone and showed it to you, "Are you okay?".

"I am, sorry for the staring. I gaze out like that sometimes" you signed at them.

They were really surprised to find that out, eyes wide open and brows high up on their face. You giggled and said, "If you are comfortable with signing, we can do that."

"I didn't think you would know how to sign but i am happy to find out that you do.", they said. You got really embarrassed and flushed, knowing the context behind it. But you said, "Well, i am happy that i can too. It was hard at first but it was fun learning it.".

"I am really relieved now because i was nervous to come up to you. I thought you would get tired writing back and forth when i was in front of you but this makes it so much easier."

"To be honest, I wouldn't get tired from that either but this is nicer.", you said with a huge smile, your cheeks hurting.

Turns out, your wishes weren't messed with and you got the genie from Aladdin. For the next couple of days you talked at the bus stop, in the bus, at school, when you were home. Your late night texting was something you grew accustomed to. They were really fun to talk to, and your before little crush was now a big one. Did they realize it?

Hopefully not, you enjoyed being friends and you did not wish to mess that up.

Today the bus stop was calmer, it was surprising. Then you remembered the time, it was past seven so the commotion has calmed down. The math teacher had an extra lesson to get ready for the exam season, a very long lesson it was. Nonetheless you were happy that it ended, looking forward to getting home and sleeping like you were going into hibernation. You didn't expect to find them here. It was a welcome surprise, you liked their presence. You waved a hand and said "Hi!".

They looked tired, eyes almost closing and head lulling back, hitting the clear wall of the stop. They smiled lazily and waved a hand back. You stood next to them and waited for the bus.

When you got on it and sat at your usual spot, they sat next to you. With your bag on your lap, eyes casting a glance at their way. No matter the closeness of your guys' relationship, they never sat next to you. And this time was probably because of drowsiness, nothing special.

Don't start getting any ideas, keep your friend and stop acting weird.

Their eyes started closing after ten minutes or so, head dropping to the side. To the side you were on. To your shoulder.

Their head was on your shoulder... And they were sleeping peacefully... So peacefully, so beautiful. How were they so gorgeous? Maybe not everyone would think the same but there was no denying the pull. The pull of their energy, their warmness radiating from them. They made everyone so comfortable and relaxed, maybe they used the same magic the overpass builders used.

It felt so nice, their body turned towards yours just a slight bit, as if they were comfortable and open with you. It felt so nice knowing they trusted you enough to sleep next to you. Maybe all those hours wasted between the bus stop and your home did matter.

And then the bus stopped abruptly and they woke up. Realizing that they slept on you, they started apologizing. You assured them softly with your words, it even made you happy but you couldn't tell them that. A slight flush to your cheeks and then the bus started to move again.

They looked at you directly in the eye now, and you did the same. They smiled slowly and looked at your shoulder. Letting their gaze down, slowly putting their head on it once again.

This felt nicer, you thought. A conscious choice from them to lay their head on your shoulder. They chose this, and they were smiling. People smiled when they liked things, right? So they liked being this close to you, well, you liked it too.

Their hand was lifted from their lap to take yours. Theirs enveloped yours, for the first time after a long period of hope and its crumbles, it didn't lead to heartbreak.

Let it be, enjoy their company, you matter to them. Don't ruin it by your insecurities.

You tightened your hand around theirs, a small gesture but a big step from you.