#random unorthodox stupid thoughts

[r-u-s-t]

Being a vampire and accidentally biting your tongue.

"Ow! Shit."

[wrinrites]

ass o' clock - jjk

synopsis - jungkook sets off the fire alarm at 2am and you guys sort of, kind of have a relationship now. pairing - uni student! jeongguk x uni student! reader

if there is one thing you treasure the most in this world, it is without a doubt: sleep.

due to the typical college all-nighters you pulled literally a week before seasonal exams, the forthcoming winter break had seemed like a godsend. you were firmly set on not leaving your dorm, or even your bed for the next week minimum.

unfortunately for you, karma of being a huge disappointment to your parents seemed to have caught up to you exactly then. namely in the form your flatmate, jeon jeongguk and his nightly tendencies.

you see, you have no issue with him eating instant ramen at 2am, as long as he did not disturb your slumber. what you do have a problem with, is his idiotic self setting off the smoke alarm at ass o’clock because of his spontaneous cravings.

you tried to ignore the headache-inducing blaring, burying yourself under the warm covers in vain. after a few minutes of incessant ringing, you reach two conclusions. first , that there is a possibility of a fire within the premises. second, and arguably more concerning: sleep had officially escaped you.

so much for not leaving the bed.

with a scowl on your face and a blanket draped across your reluctant form, you trudge out the confines of your room and into the shared kitchen of your corridor.

what grabs your attention immediately is not the sight of jeon jeongguk standing there next to a glaring PC screen, a game you recognise to be Overwatch still baring random quips in language you do not know. your attention is soley focused on the bowl in his hand, the blackened lump in it and the charred remains of what seemed to be the microwave emanating a copious amount of dense smoke.

you gape at him as your braincells try to piece together what has happened. a brightly coloured ramen packet clutched in his other fist catches your eyes, and suddenly you think you understand.

“did you… break the microwave trying to cook ramen?” you ask, with all the tentativeness of consoling a 5-year old.

he gulps before nodding, his fluffy hair bouncing with the miniscule movement.

you think your braincells are starting to die off before their prime. mainly because now what remained of the students on the campus were now required to assemble outside for the smoke alarm to be disabled. which meant that inevitably, you would not be sleeping for the rest of the day.

rubbing your forehead in frustration, you motion to Jeongguk to follow you out of the dorm room.

although jeongguk had been your roommate for the best part of a year, the two of you had never really gotten close. you kept the conversations to a minimum, the two of you not initiating them unless the circumstances demanded it. the awkwardness between you had stayed due to the introverted nature you had in common- so you respected the space between you and never crossed it.

other disgruntled students were already somewhat assembled outside, albeit the obvious reluctance to get up at an ungodly hour. muted whispers and annoyance quickly filed into the hall, further driving any remnants of sleep from your depraved self.

“which idiot set off the alarm?”

“it’s probably taehyung. you know he does stupid shit all the time.”

although the assumption was plausible (taehyung was notorious for following … unorthodox methods at ungodly hours), it sadly was not him who had set off the smoke alarm.

a movement from the corner of your eye breaks you from your chain of thoughts. you turn around to see jeonggukk shivering slightly, his arms wrapped around himself, curling in his body against the cool nightly breeze filling the hall.

in your barely functioning state, you feel a tug of sympathy. while you were smart enough to bring a blanket with you, jeongguk was adorned in thin sweats hardly providing him any warmth.

the guy did set off the smoke alarm by breaking the microwave though.

you sigh, before waddling off to his side and draping the blanket onto the expanse of his shoulders. you hear a squeak of surprise from your actions, and you think you spy a faint pink bleeding into his cheeks.

admittedly, it was quite cute.

the blanket, although dense, is not enough to cover the both of your forms fully, leaving your front quite exposed. you shudder from the cold, cursing your luck for leaving you like this.

should you…?

you shuffle closer to Jeongguk, using his back as protection.

it’s just to keep warm.

it’s just to keep warm.

your heart still skips a beat as you press yourself against him. he’s solid and warm and soft all at the same time and you don’t think you can take it. he even smells good, a faint scent of vanilla and clean laundry.

the both of you stand still, not daring to comment on the new arrangement. you shuffle your feet slightly, and you catch him shyly glancing at you from time to time. as the last of the students trail out from their dorms, you feel a hand tentatively brushing against yours.

surprised, you take a step back instinctively, just to step on the corner of the blanket and-

shit. you forgot that your luck wasn’t the greatest.

right before you greet the ground with your head, jeongguk (with k-drama like timing, might you add), reaches for your form, and with blood rushing to your head, he rights you back on your feet.

“are you okay, y/n?”

he doesn’t even sound the slightest bit fatigued, dammit, even though he had to lug you to your feet. but despite that, a small part of you leads you to think that there’s a tremor in his voice, betraying his concern.

wishful thinking, maybe.

“i’m okay jeongguk. sorry, i didn’t mean to make you the romcom lead today”, you half joke.

he pivots to face you fully, so that he could see you better. his doe eyes are staring into yours, with his eyebrows set in a furrow, and is that a mole on his nose?

you know his lips are forming words, you’re watching the movement, how the plush tissue rounds to form his vowels and presses together to form his m’s. his tongue peeks out at one point to wet his lips, leaving a slight sheen. you unconsciously follow his movement, licking your own lips, and briefly, you wonder how they might taste-

“-you hurt your head pretty bad, i think we should go back inside, y/n”

huh. you don’t remember hurting your head. but at the mention, suddenly you feel a dull ache near the crown of your head. groaning, you reach to massage the spot to try and alleviate it. you must have been so enamoured that you didn't even notice the pain right away.

"i'm so sorry y/n, lets please head inside, and i'll grab us some snacks and get you painkillers- i'm so sorry this is all my-"

you interrupt his apology-ramble, already having your answer in mind. his eyes are shiny and his furrow has grown deeper, and you can tell how guilty he feels. and free snacks while you're at it? you'd be a fool to deny him.

"your room or mine, jeongukk?" you ask, slight lilt in your voice. abruptly, his face changes, the pout on his lips replaced with his lips pressed together and his cheeks puff out from the process. almost as if he was suppressing something,,,?

in a hoarse whisper, so that you could barely hear him,

"that's,, what she said,,?"

the guy who you're festering a fondness for, is a dork. a major one, in fact.

you grab his hand, and tug him through the lines of grumbling students, ignoring his yelp of surprise. despite this, he only holds your hand tighter, and quickens his pace so that he is level with you. after a beat of silence,

"y/n?"

you hum in response, climbing up the stairs to your dorm. the firefighters move past you, and upon your questioning they say that all other unaffected dorms should be fine. with a grin growing on your face, you pull jeongguk forwards even more.

"are we going to yours? i mean, i don't mind all, i was just wondering if you'd like cheetos or pretzels that my mom got me- they taste really good by the way! you should try! especially if you like sweet things but if you dont then-" he cuts himself off, not noticing the fond look in your eye.

jeongguk likes to ramble. you like jeongukk rambling. and maybe, you like jeongukk himself.

earnestly, you ask, "the pretzels seem like a good idea jeongukk. bring them to my room and then, if you'd like, we can watch something?"

he brightens up immediately, the tip of his nose scrunching and crinkles appearing at the corners of his sweet, sweet eyes. with the vigour of a puppy being given a treat, he runs past you to his dorm, and just before disappearing into his room, he raises his hand to his face and-

and blows you a kiss.

a/n - omg guys this is like, an old old fic from when i was 14 that i did work on and im so NERVOUS. this sint my best best work but i really want to get into writing and i think this is a good step forwards. also sorry for the ending hhh i couldnt figure out how to end it properly 😔😔 anyways!! i hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is helpful!! thank you again hehehe

[fvaleraye]

one thing we do sometimes when we're bored or need distracting is we just write up a character sheet for a random dnd character idea we have. we have a lot of those. which is the reason why we have so many characters sheets.

we wanted to ramble abt it today bc we did smth kinda unorthodox, at least in comparison to what we usually do.

we wanted to do an unarmed Barbarian. specifically a wrestler-style pit fighter sort of character. now, of course, most people immediately think "oh, you multiclass into Monk then", which is what we thought too... but you don't benefit from the Martial Arts feature if you have a shield, and it was really important to the character for him to have a shield(backstory reasons), but he did benefit from Babarian's Unarmored Defense even if he did have a shield, so... Monk was out. we looked a little more- and while we were at it, we picked Bear Totem Warrior for his barbarian subclass, for the durability, because we wanted him to be tanky(though juggernaut was a close second). eventually we landed on Fighter, grabbing the Unarmed Fighting Fighting Style(still changes it to a d6, even with a shield!), as well as allowing us to deal 1d4 bludgeoning damage to anyone he has grappled(remember that we wanted him to be a wrestler) 16 levels in Bear Totem Barbarian, and then 4 in Battle Master Fighter(grabbing the Grappling Strike, Bait and Switch, and Parry Maneuvers while we were at it) after that, and getting his Constitution and Strength to 20, we got Athlete(wrestlers are technically athletes) and Grappler(which allows him to pin grappled targets, perfect) feats, Shield Master(bc, again, the shield is very imporant) from Fighter, and then a quick grab of Tavern Brawler(so that we can grapple someone after a melee attack without expending a superiority die for grappling strike) from being a Variant Human. finally we picked Gladiator for his background, giving him a nice bonus in Performance and Acrobatics, both very important things for a wrestler, as well as the By Popular Demand feature.

is it optimal...? no. probably not. but we had fun making him, and honestly we like problem solving weird and possibly stupid character builds. realistically the only real problem with him is that so many things for fighter and barbarian specify melee weapon attacks, and it makes us wish that brass knuckles or smth was a weapon(if it is, we can't find rules for it). but u know, such are the problems u run into when making an unarmed character who's not a monk. we would love to use him at some point just to see how it works in an actual game. bc we are proud of how he turned out overall.

[sapphicdib]

hey random thought but I was looking at the overseer description on the rain world wiki and it said that the green overseers only spawn in outer expanse and subterranean and that got me thinking

unlike spearmaster who had srs watching over them through the red overseer (until pebbles zap it outta existence) Hunter didn’t have any overseer watching over them

That means that Nsh wouldn’t know for sure if Hunter succeed in the mission because Hunter never made it back home, either succumbing to the rot or passing on through the void sea and Siggy wasn’t watching his cat unlike Suns

Nsh probably thought that once Moon wakes up, she could message the entire local group again however, Moon’s collapse left her in a state where she couldn’t communicate with the other iterators even after her revival

I mean, to cut slack for Nsh. Pebbles did put the entire region into lockdown (see five pebbles dialogue for when gourmand first enters the cann) so he probably couldn’t get in with Hunter but still

from Nsh’s perspective moon’s fate is uncertain. His hunter’s fate is uncertain.

Maybe he saw the little messenger going through subterranean which meant that Hunter probably succeeded. Maybe the last he has seen if his slugcat was before the Hunter entered the region and Hunter hasn’t returned home yet nor did Moon showed any signs of activity.

Maybe his plan worked and the keys were delivered. He wouldn’t know for sure…

basically all I’m saying is that Nsh feels like the person who would had definitely thrown more (hopefully non-cancerous) slugcats towards Moon instead of tossing Hunter and the angstiest option for why he didn’t was because he thought his plan fail as Hunter will never go home in the base game and Moon couldn’t communicate her revive

UGH YES!!! i hc that you can still see sig’s overseers sometimes in subterranean/outer expanse is because she’s still…well, desperately searching. at first for a sign of hunter, and then for a sign of moon when he realizes hunter’s probably not returning, or perhaps a way to get into the facility to see if his plan even worked.

part of the reason i think hunter was so sick is just because by the time sig made her, his facility wasn’t in the best shape, and he was rushing, desperate to save moon. in the note she sends her it literally says “excuse the unorthodox delivery method, equipment eroding etc etc”. i truly do not believe sig is “bad at making slugcats” or “didn’t follow suns’ instructions” because his dialogue PROVES THAT HE CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FIRST. (sorry that shit grinds my gears when ppl brush sig off as either stupid or malicious when it comes to hunter) because like…this mission is SO important to her. why the hell would he make hunter sick, therefore limiting her time to get to moon and possibly causing her death before she could reach her goal?

hunter’s last wish in the void sea is to be back in sig’s arms. if he were truly malicious/didn’t show respect for her messengers, why would hunter want to return? so yeah, seeing his overseer out in the outer expanse, searching for hunter or a sign of moon being alive just ;-;

i don’t rlly think she sent more messengers after that, mainly bc he knows any slugcats he makes after hunter will likely meet the same fate due to the erosion of her equipment/the fact he thinks “there will be nothing left of moon by the time one is ready”. sig just breaks my heart because she tried and tried and tried, reaching out as far as he could, and still never knew if his plan even worked. i’m gonna stop here bc if i keep talking i am going to be writing a goddamn essay that would be better than anything i ever turned in in university LMFAO i have so many goddamn Feelings about no significant harassment rain world.

also me n ghost are actually doing an rp that’s kind of like this lmfao, and in it the reason hunter gets sick is because sig basically works herself so hard she ends up damaging his structure and the sudden power failure/shutdown affects his experiments. (obviously that has no basis in canon and is more just us writing fanfiction about what could have possibly happened)

anyways after all that angst, here is a screenshot from my game where sig’s overseer showed up and sees moon bringing sluppy hunter home :’) in my dreams i can pretend she made it back LMFAO

[soarrenbluejay]

Okay. Forgive me for hijacking this marvelous post that you managed to make so magnificent in such a short space but I hAVE AN IDEA-

So. The Fenton are known in the Inventing community. They are beloved for their innovative ideas, bizarre workarounds and sheer resourcefulness all wrapped up in their universal hatred for proper schematics. They are also functionally cryptids who only show up in occasional online posts when they get Really Excited about their newest whatever, because it is well known that they have a hyper fixation and inventing simply isn’t it, it’s the method to the larger madness goal. So when they join a meetup for fellow (mad) UNORTHODOX inventors/scientists, in GOTHAM, no less, the perfect testing ground for anything and everything, they pull out all the stops. People fighting each other for the honor of approaching the good Dr’s, except they dueled it out before hand to save that much more time.

What is that, Dr Fenton and Dr Fenton? Your having relationship troubles with your darling equally genius children bc they’re now old enough to both have and be expressing their own opinions and have Thoughts for the OSHA disaster they live amongst? Your son’s clear nuerodivergency is kicking in hard and he’s struggling in school? You’ve had a problem in the past where you try to bring them to events but they get annoyed or bored and start causing Problems? Fear not, they are prepared! They’ve scoured every past conversation they’ve collectively had with the entire family to find out interests for this very scenario! Cutting edge astrophysicists lured in with Bulgarian coffee definitely not stolen from the mob, brilliant and very enthusiastic psychiatrists fished fresh from Arkham, the president of NASA they’re paying an obscene of money for by the quarter hour! They are ready! They are excited! People are happily going about pranking the various bats and birds keeping a wary eye on things, there are no widespread fires or cross contamination, all is well!

Then. Then.

Some Bitch who has heard the news ahead of time about the Fentons and their reputation ruins EVERYTHING by being a hair too interested in the youngest, most feral of the Fenton clan, due to his combined brilliance and past lab accident with unspecified mysterious biological results. He’s kidnapped right out from under four separate minders, visible and otherwise, during their carefully planned lunch break.

The audacity! The betrayal! The fUCKING GALL AND STUPIDITY!

Everyone involved is uh,, Miffed, to say the least. The Fentons are of course in all flavors of Feral Protective and are narrowly being held back by every distraction the entire crowd can throw out at them to keep from tearing around downtown for their boy. Look, a shiny! Right in front of you! Best scoop it up for testing later even if you can’t look at it too closely now on your warpath! Ah, Mad Jasmine, we heard you’re getting into college application age and well with your parents’ budget being what it is despite their frankly miraculous inventing abilities we thought you might appreciate us setting up a meeting with this one person where if you can impress them you could get a full ride, quick, don’t disappear and be suitably distracted for 0.4 seconds, please! (This only kind of works)

This is matched, however, by the rage of the convention goers. They had an ITINERARY. They have ADHD! That took so long to plan, where they planned for each Fentons’ attention span for each new inventor being thrown their way being 10 minutes or an hour! They had settled Grudges just for today! This weekend is the golden opportunity they’ve been waiting for for years! THOU SHALL NOT RUIN THIS.

So then a pack of rabid mad scientists tear apart a random abandoned Gotham apartment building with whatever the hell they had on hand, which is of course, quite a bit. Many squatters and goons alike are very spooked.

If we REALLY want to amp things up we could have the villain in question nabbing Danny not be Joker or the Black Mask, but Vlad, out to ruin yet another Fenton family outting.

Que panik among the conventionees. Fellow rogue madmen they could handle but CUSTODY ISSUES? Oh god, somebody say they have a lawyer somewhere in their contacts. Maybe if they scrape together for one of the really good Mob lawyers they can have this finished by the end of today and will be able to move on with the convention and everything will be fine. They’ll have to squeeze the schedule to a slightly brain melting pace, but that’s fine, this is fine, they can adapt! Totally.

The bats would like to contribute they totally saw this convention of maniacs thing going wrong ahead of time (how could they not), but definitely not in the ‘impromptu mob rescue party taking apart a condemned building brick for brick and judging the wire in disgust as they go’ way. Much chaos and confusion abound.

Danny is in Gotham for a STEM competition. It isn't long before he's kidnapped to help build a doomsday device.

[insidekaz]

I'm in a bit of a creative overhaul...

No, I don’t mean creative burnout, but rather a spontaneous and spiteful sensation has over the creative gears in my mind and is allowing me, for once, to actually get long-postponed products done. Of course, this randomized sense of productivity wasn't based on much personal choice, but rather the procrastinated realization of being hurt by someone I believed I could trust. As the saying goes,

To be burned by the candle once is to remember the pain forever.

At least, I think that's how it goes. Can't really remember on if I've heard it from somewhere or if I just made it up one day.

Regardless,

I've been inspired to shove all creative output to the front of my mind and banish the negative connotations I have about myself to the back of my head until... I'm ready to deal with them.

Yes, I am aware that I'm constantly prolonging the possibility of talking about my problems, but let's not focus on that right now.

This post has been sitting in my draft for about three days longer than I've wanted it to, which is a bit concerning on my part, considering that I usually get these post done same day.

I've just been s t r e s s e d if that makes any sense. I'm behind on some projects, missed deadlines on others, and now I'm just sitting her wondering. All of these ideas I have in my head, written down, and the files are all put together, probably more put together than I'll ever be. Why is creating the final product so hard? Like, I'm all hyped up to get my work out there, yet actually reaching the finish line seems to be the fucking hardest thing, if that's a relatable feeling at all.

And I already know what you're thinking: "Kaz, if you're getting this stressed about content creation, maybe it just isn't for you."

Trust me, I've already been told that several times more than I want to. This is stressful, yes, but no one said that this was going to be easy, did they? I'm not stressed cause I think I won't succeed. I've had may more people tell me that my rather unorthodox way of thinking is entertaining. Hell, maybe I'll be able to actually monetize my antics and not be living paycheck to paycheck.

It's the fear of my madness being rejected that scares the shit out of me.

It's the very idea that my crazed mind will be further alienated from society than it already is that keeps me awake at night. I take anti-psychotics, but they less allow me to take a handle on my mind and moreso make me marginally more socially acceptable for the outside world. Trust me when I say that me off of my meds is an experience that's only comedic once.

FUCK

THIS

POST

IS

LONG

Prime example as to why I don't allow myself to go on full rants like this. If I allowed myself to get all of my thoughts out, I might get the attention of either a famous author who wants to take me under their wing or a few scientist who might wanna study me to see just how I tick on the inside. I better hop off for now. Might come back in a few days, might not. Don't worry, I'm not going to go and do something stupid. If I do, I'm sure someone who cares is gonna find me alive.

[samsaraandbeyond]

OC Introduction: Hero

Art by Zeus_Susie

There he goes, off to Level 1-1...

Design

Art by me, drawn 6/29/2020

So Hero was made when I was messing around with Aseprite. I was gonna draw a lizard but gave him floppy ears.

Then I drew him outside of it.

Art by me, drawn 6/30/2020

And then again...

Art by me, drawn 9/28/2020

Weird lizard dog looking thing!!!

I was obsessed with roguelikes and randomization and junk so I imagined him as a little roguelike game protag and his character theming began centering around those.

I had asked Iriz110 if they could draw this but good and they delivered.

An improvement I'd say. I had my reference.

BUT.

I wanted more art of the little guy. I showed artists the ref I had drawn for comedy reasons and showed the ref Iriz had made for "here's the actual look" reasons.

The artists I went to preferred my design over the new one. They thought it was cute and that it had charm.

yeah he's cute he's a little chibi shit

There was enough of a disparity between which artist liked which one that I decided to keep both around, turning the original design into his own character and the new design into a Generic character.

Zeus Susie's take became the defining design. Hero didn't have fur in my design but I liked it enough that I kinda wanted to keep it. Everyone else that saw the design welcomed the addition as well.

Abilities / Traits

"MY LIFE IS LIKE A VIDEO GAME-"

Art by MatchesDraco (NSFW)

Hero was inspired by roguelikes. That means anything and everything he can get his hands on has stats and abilities attached to it. These stats are somewhat random, a stick can be expected to be weak and a war hammer can be expected to put a dent in someone's car, but its still random. He could eventually find a stick that could split the world in two. He could find a cup of water that grants him a temporary speed boost.

This also applies to clothing, or in Hero's case, gear. He might look stupid wearing a traffic cone on his head, but by standing still, he becomes more resistant to any incoming damage. Because this trait said so.

This ability can affect reality. A plastic chainsaw you found in the toy aisle may be useless to you as a weapon, but it can become capable of cutting down trees in Hero's hands simply because of this trait. If Hero wants you to have something and willingly gives it to you, how it affects him will affect you the same way.

[Hero seems to have an interest in the pool noodle you're holding.]

Blessing of Samsara: Mental Voice

Hero doesn't talk much. Luckily anyone, or anything (including machines looking for voice recognition), can seem to get the gist of what he wants to convey with simple body language, expressions, short vocalizations, or suddenly acquired intuition.

If Hero is unable to speak by normal means (mouth taped up, throat / vocal chords damaged), this ability is lost.

[Hero thanks you for your assistance.]

Instant Item Proficiency

Link (Legend of Zelda)

Hero picks something up off the road, be it a high-tech machine or unorthodox weapon.

He'll figure out how it works and how to use it effectively in a short period of time. Doesn't matter what it is.

[Hero received a katana!] [Hero learned the Jigen-Ryu style of fighting!]

Samsarian Anomaly

Hero is a character you could say dances on the line of “canonicity”.

He absolutely exists in Samsara, definitely! People remember him when he shows up.

But everything he seems to influence in the world doesn’t quite last. Hero is essentially a canon non-canon character in the grand scheme of things.

"I saw it myself. It was Hero who dealt the final blow. Yet, had he not been there...the result would've been the same." - Zhel

Personal Inventory (Hammerspace)

Villager and Isabelle (Animal Crossing / Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

Like all video game protagonists, Hero has a personal inventory to keep the many things he finds on his adventures.

"How th- what the fu- h-how much do you have on you!? Dude!" - Thief

Personality

Hero has a personality that a player of a game would have. Constantly investigating the surroundings, probably breaking things they shouldn't, helping everyone that has a request, and generally being a typical good guy story protagonist.

This means he's kinda stupid.

[Hero has somehow clipped into your wall.]

[crystalkleure]

One of my favourite oddly-specific tropes is, like...

There is chaos happening. Just absolute mayhem, but it is not just totally random bullshit. It is obvious that someone is causing all of these problems on purpose, and so people start getting the sneaking suspicion that there is indeed an Actual Motive behind the havoc. Like it’s just, JUST barely, marginally, SLIGHTLY too coherent to NOT be planned-out somehow, but also too seemingly-random to make any logical sense. It is just NOT apparent what the end goal here is. No one can figure out what is supposedly being accomplished. The smartest people on the “dealing with the problems” squad conclude with mounting horror that the intellect of the mastermind behind the mayhem must be far superior to any of their own, since they are all struggling so hard to figure out What Exactly Is Desired From This. Panicked hyper-overanalysis of every single facet of every incident ensues as they desperately try to get inside the Enigmatic Evil Mastermind’s head, to understand this person’s train of thought, to work out the logic behind it all before it’s too late.

Meanwhile, the resident village idiot is wandering about, village idioting. Nobody pays them any mind, they are not behaving abnormally whatsoever, same old same old, they’re just Like That. Always had a few screws loose. Friendly enough though, entertaining, well-liked all around. Poor crazy dumb bastard probably doesn’t even realize what’s going on, bet they have no clue why everyone else is freaking out.

Turns out the local screwball has like gotten ahold of the nuclear launch codes or something, and all of the chaos that is occurring is a colossal chain-reaction caused by them attempting to use said launch codes to obtain free pizza.

idk, some shit like...nutjob calls pizza place, offers nukes in exchange for one daily special, please. Pizza place has morals, informs the national guard. Delicate warfare ensues between the national security people and the crazy person, involving the officials assuming Mr. Insane will very much Use Those Nukes if simply approached head-on, and Pizza-Desiring Person using all manner of unorthodox threats and impressively asinine Grand Blowhard Posturing to keep them believing that for as long as possible [maybe dumbass DOES even blow up a thing or two via non-nuke means, or trick someone else into blowing something up and then they claim credit for the kaboom, maybe hack some media lines to Surprisingly Convincingly roleplay as a reporter talking up how Incredibly Dangerous they are, etc.] in spite of actually not even knowing how to launch a nuke, because by god they want that fucking pizza.

National security can’t figure out what the fuck this clown REALLY wants because no way in hell do they ACTUALLY merely desire to Trade Offer nukes for fucking pizza, right. That is not even entertained as a genuine possibility. The guy is definitely fucking with them.

The guy is not fucking with them.

Never underestimate the power of highly-motivated unhinged idiocy. Stupid and stubborn go together like matches and kerosene.

[cowboysimp]

Hey first of all I hope you have a nice day ^^ And I wanted to know if I could do a request ? Maybe a headcanon for Hanzo, Genji, Sombra, Lucio and Jesse I hope it's not too much, with a reader who is in the middle of an exam period and who is very stressful, spends her days and nights to revise their lessons, I would like to know how they would react to seeing their s/o like that if it's possible please. Maybe S/o can be female or gender neural? I thank you in advance for taking my request 🤗

I’m so sorry this took so long to come out- especially since exams are over for most people! But I hope everyone did really good on them and aren’t to stressed out by the outcome.

Format: Headcanons

Word count: 5161

Warnings: uh Exams??? School maybe dunno.

Hanzo:

Hanzo is no stranger to intense amounts of stress, though he’d also never encourage his partner to just stop studying. Repetition and practice is very important after all.

So he’d sit down with you and help you study for your exams even going so far as to form a study program for you. He’d spend as much time as possible helping you feel ready.

Hanzo does still understand the value of breaks and proper rest. So every forty five minutes you’d both take a small fifteen minute break. The break would most likely be used to do something physical like stretching to help calm your mind. He’d also sprinkle in a little bit of meditation to help ease the anxiety.

Something he definitely does not approve of thought is you staying up late into the night to study. You need rest having spent most of the day studying and revising. So at eight pm every night he’d make sure all school related things were put away and not mentioned again.

Honestly I wouldn’ put it past him to also set a mandatory bed time. Ten pm all electronics are off and by eleven the two of you should be sound asleep. An important part in keeping a healthy schedule is getting sleep.

While this may seem not very romantic to others you’ve been with Hanzo long enough to know his overbearing concern and hours spent helping you are exactly how he shows his love. He isn't much of a romantic mainly because of his reserved nature and tendency for self doubt, but he’ll always try for you and that’s what matters.

Genji:

As for Genji, throw everything that Hanzo did into the trash. (kinda- the brothers actually have some similar tendencies)

Genji’s first step is to get you unstressed. The serious stuff can come later. He’ll force you out of the house for a few hours taking you on a small date. He would take you to some of his favorite places like arcades or cute cafes, anywhere really that he can think of that would help with the stress.

Then once you got back home he’d sit down with you and have at it, he’s spent the day destressing you and now he’s going to attempt to help you study while keeping the same low stress levels.

Studying with him would be fun.

Genji is quite creative and would try to find different interests and a bit unorthodox ways of helping you study.

He would explain to you that odd things have a tendency to stick out in people's brains so why not make this a weird and memorable study session.

While his education was quite formal he always had a hard time picking up on what was being taught until his teachers would give up on their usual methods and begin thinking outside of the box to help him learn.

So he’d apply those same methods each time you studied together.

Same with Hanzo he wouldn’t let you stay up into the early hours of the morning instead forcing you into bed with him once he saw you getting too tired or frustrated to continue.

Night Time cuddles and quizzing would become routine for exams week.

Sombra:

Oh boy-

Olivia has no idea how to help, sure she’d try really hard but she’s never had a day of proper education in her life. She doesn’t understand a single topic to the extent needed to help.

But there’s no way that would stop her. She’d sit at her computer helping you by finding the answers to your question. Basically she’d turn into an answer checking machine.

That is really the only practical way she can help.

She’d force you to take breaks and bring you unhealthy snacks while you studied, and when she got annoyed and bored of not having your attention would just come and bother you for a casual makeout session.

Her actual reliability with helping would come when she got frustrated with feeling useless. She’d hack into the school database and find the test questions.

When you tell her the test randomizes the questions so out of those hundreds you’d probably only need to know fifty or so, she cussed to whatever god existed.

She wouldn’t let that stop her though going into the school mainframe to make it so that when your test came up specific questions would be on it.

So now you’d only have to memorize the questions on the test.

Yes that might be cheating, and yes it is slightly immoral but in the end it would definitely pay off.

Lucio:

Honestly im so sorry I can't really think of much for him-

What i do know though is that he’d make you a few study playlists to boost productivity and stock you up on snacks.

He’d give you shoulder massages when you finished studying to keep your shoulders from cramping and would go out of his way to do things around the house that you normally do to make sure you can focus and not stress too much over trivial things.

(once again sorry I genuinely couldn't think of much more-)

McCree:

Now Jesse isn’t stupid by any means, but the boy dropped out of highschool and didn’t pay attention a day he was there.

He has no idea what to do to help. Honestly him trying to help is probably more distracting then anything.

If you asked him a question about pretty much any subject he’d do his best to answer though honestly probably getting it wrong and making you both more confused.

After this happened a few times he was struck by genius.

He’d settle at the table right in front of you holding his own little notebook and request that you teach him.

You were of course quite skeptical, until he explained that the easiest way to learn is by teaching others right?

He had no idea what he was talking about and frankly neither did you, but you were desperate at this point so you might as well.

Explaining things to him was like a giant review, it helped you revise things you kept on forgetting and even helped figure out the errors you had been making in your work.

By the end of the first session McCree had gone brain dead because “Why in god’s name does anyone need to know this-” and no he won't take it’s a requirement to graduate as a good answer.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

So, as I promised, Inarizaki New Year request. Inarizaki boys and manager make party at her place, they prepare dinner, decorate the Christmas tree and her home (twins hang the mistletoe everywhere, but manager-chan is clueless so she doesn't know about kissing tradition), exchange gifts, have sleepover etc. Next day they all go together to the shrine and all boys ask to marry her. And they are EMBARRASSED when manager asks them what they ask.

Ahhh Tilli my love! I'll finally use this as a Christmas and New year one combined (eventho they've both passed a long time ago :) and this will be the final addition to the Inarizaki December series!

Once again, thank you so much for supporting me through it all, and showering love on every day's imagine. I didn't expect to get 100-200 notes on some days, but I did!! And I'm really ever so grateful. I hope you'll stay tuned :D

-

Inarizaki's manager-chan day 25!!

Late merry Christmas!! 💖 (And happy new year)

☃️

It was finally the seventh day of Christmas.

The day everyone looked forward to, filled with so much cheer and joy. The boys couldn't wait to spend it at your house. (They couldn't spend the actual day of Christmas with you, due to clashes in the schedule), but that's okay. They were here now.

It was unorthodox, to decorate the tree and give gifts days after the 25th, but it didn't matter to you, and if it didn't matter to you, it didn't matter to the boys either.

The house was warm, and you were busy baking cookies. The smell of gingerbread and peppermint floated in the air. Suna snuck up behind you and took a dab of the cookie mixture. “I rate this a 10/10”

Kita glared at him. “Suna that wasn't very hygienic” which only caused you to laugh.

Christmas carols were playing from the small Bluetooth speaker near the tree, and you suddenly felt like dancing. After wiping your hands dry and shutting the oven so the cookies could bake, you pulled Kita to you and placed your hands on his shoulder.

“Dance with me, Kita-san”

His eyes sparkled as his cheeks heated up.

“Of course, my lady.”

And the rest of the members watched enviously as you spun around with Kita in tow. You looked gorgeous, and so undeniably happy.

“My turn!” said Atsumu indignantly as he replaced Kita. He pulled your waist closer to him as he picked you up and twirled you around. Your squeals made his heart beat faster as he gently let you go.

“That's enough dancing for one day, now go decorate the tree or something. These cookies will be done soon and me and y/n need to decorate them.” said the gray haired twin.

The boys nodded as they made their way to the big tree in the living room, whilst you were left alone in the kitchen with Osamu.

Osamu swiped a bit of frosting on your cheek and laughed, as he put on the oven mitts, readying himself to take the cookies out of the oven.

You laughed and licked the frosting off.

Damn. Osamu's brain almost short-circuited, but he pushed such thoughts out of his mind and instead focused on the cookies.

“How shall we ice them?”

You mixed food colouring into the frosting bowls and explained you wanted to ice them according to each of the members.

“We'll use white for Kita! Since he's so dedicated and wonderful, white suits him best. And green for Tsumu, because he makes me feel happy and fresh inside.”

Osamu nodded with a small smile. “And what about me?”

“Purple for you, because I feel comfortable with you, you're basically my home. And red for Rin, because red is a sleepy colour, and I just love napping on his lap.”

“Oh and blue for Aran! He makes me feel safe inside. Orange for Akagi, he's such a cheerful person, he's like my very own sunshine.”

Osamu blushed and stroked your cheek gently. “You're my little home too, ya know that? I'm icing yours pink.”

Pink for the way you make me blush, my love.

You beamed at him and began icing the cookies, delicately and carefully, whilst Osamu iced the other half.

-

The rest of the boys finished decorating the tree as they took a step back to admire their work.

Suna gently adjusted the baubles, before taking a few pictures. He wanted to capture this moment forever.

Suddenly, you and Osamu came to the room with a mixture of cookies and a few mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows.

Akagi smiled as he placed a kiss on your cheek before snagging a cookie. “Aww you guys are the best, thank you!”

The snow slowly fell outside, as the tree sparkled proudly in the center of the living room.

“Hey we still need to put the angel on top!”

Atsumu jokingly picked you up in his arms “we have one right here, shall I put her on top of the tree?”

The boys laughed as they passed you the tiny angel figurine. “we can't reach it anyways, why don't you put it instead?" Said Aran with a small smile.

Atsumu lifted you up gently as you placed the angel on the top of the tree, completing the decoration process.

“Thanks, you guys are amazing. I'm so lucky to have you.”

Your words were met with a chorus of "I love you's" and "me too's"

And you laughed, as Atsumu pulled you closer to him.

“Tsumu, you can put her down now” said a disgruntled Osamu.

-

[ 2 hours earlier ]

Osamu: have you placed the mistletoe in random spots?

Atsumu: yes, what about you?

Osamu: yeah, but I've kept one in my pocket. I'll just put it up whenever we're alone and it show to her.

Atsumu: damn that's so smart, why didn't I think of that? :(

Osamu: cuz yer' stupid.

Atsumu: >:(

-

[present time]

You and the boys play tons of games in the living room, and stash their gifts underneath the tree too.

“Let's open then tomorrow morning! We'll sleep in here too, and it will be fun to open them as soon as we wake up.” you say happily.

Suna leans on your shoulder throughout the evening, and soon his head makes its way to your lap, as usual.

You laugh and ruffle his hair, as he looks up at you breathlessly. You're so beautiful to him. So undeniably gorgeous. Atsumu wasn't lying when he called you an angel.

Suna's pupils dilated as he stared into your eyes. “I love you, y/n”

Not hearing the sincerity and hidden meaning behind his words, you replied with a quick “I love you too, Rin-rin”

And frankly, even if you didn't know how much he truly meant it, it didn't matter. He'd make sure you did, someday.

-

The plate of cookies were left with only crumbs and the mugs were all empty.

The next part of the night was dinner, and since Kita was the only one who could drive, he'd take you out to pick it up.

“Let's go Y/n-san” said Kita, as a tired Suna whined when he had to lose your lap-pillow.

You nodded and followed him, fastening the seatbelt in the passengers seat as you winked at the boys. “Be good while we're gone, okay?”

Kita turned up the radio. It was a song he didn't particularly like, but you seemed to love. However, you switched the radio off.

“Y/n-san, don't you like this song? Why did you change it?”

“Because you don't like it, Kita-san, and I want to talk to you. Your voice is better than any song.” was your simple reply.

No beating around the bush, you were ever so straightforward, and yet it made Kita's heart beat faster.

“so what would you like to talk about?”

And it started from there. A car-ride filled with the voices of the both of you.

At the traffic light, Kita gave you a sideways glance as he saw your excited expression talking about the cookies you baked.

But frankly he wasn't listening anymore. he was admiring the way your eyes shone in delight, and your cheeks as they were pink from the cold. He smiled at the way your face seemed to light up, and at the beautiful smile etched into it.

And Kita found that beautiful.

“It was delicious, right? And the frosting was beautiful too?” you finished excitedly, by asking him.

“she really is beautiful” said Kita in a trance, as the light turned red and he snapped out of it.

“I mean, yes, the frosting was beautiful!”

-

After picking up a bucket of KFC, as it's traditionally eaten to celebrate Christmas, the boys greeted you at the door.

“Mom and dad are home” joked Akagi.

“Oh my, so that means y/n's our mommy?” said Atsumu seductively, which earned him a sharp kick from Osamu. “Hey Tsumu, shut the hell up.”

The table was set and filled with cheer and banter from all sides, as Akagi sat next to you, and plated everything out.

You sighed happily. Truthfully, you weren't aware of traditions in Japan, since you were new to the country, but the boys taught you every day. It was Osamu who informed you that people in Japan ate their Christmas dinners at KFC.

“It's kinda like a tradition here” he said, with a small shrug. And you were determined to stick to those traditions.

“Are there any other traditions you practice, here? During Christmas?” you asked, in between bites.

Atsumu smirked at you and held up a small plant. “This is called mistletoe, but I won't tell you what the tradition related to it is”

You were confused, because all the other boys had suddenly turned red, and no matter how much you asked them, they refused to tell you what the significance of mistletoe was.

“Hmm, weird” you said softly, as you finished dinner, and brought your plate to the kitchen to be washed.

As you walked out, you noticed a small sprig of mistletoe above you, and a tall presence looming over you...

-

[ hello!! This is route time!! There are six members which I have written mistletoe routes for, and the corresponding colours will be for each member, so read whichever you want to!!]

(pink is the general route. no matter which route you choose, the new year's day story will continue with the general route, so please keep that in mind.)

-

Kita

Osamu

Aran

Atsumu

Akagi

Suna

-

You looked up and saw Akagi, and he had a bunch of other dishes in his hands. “I've lost a bet, so they've made me wash their dishes”

Atsumu's gleeful voice could be heard as he egged his senpai on. “make sure they're spotless, Akagi!”

You took half of the plates from Akagi kindly and assured him you'd help him.

“my hands are wet anyways. It'd be a bother to dry them after washing only one plate”

“T-thanks” he stuttered softly.

-

As you and Akagi washed the plates side by side, he felt a slight tug in his chest. It felt so domestic, to come home to you, hug you in his arms, and do the most mundane of tasks with you, like washing the dishes like this.

He wouldn't mind anything, honestly. As long as he was with you, the most grueling of chores would become fun.

And as he saw your brows furrowed in concentration, he sighed. You looked ever so adorable like that.

“Y/n-chan, I don't know if I've told you this yet, but you look very beautiful today.”

It took a lot of courage. Everyone saw him as a jokester, a perpetually happy person, but with you he wanted to be different.

He wanted you to know that when he complimented you like that, he wasn't joking. Not the least bit.

A soft tint could be seen on your cheeks as you continued washing the plates. “why thank you, Akagi. You look really nice too ”

And somehow, with that one compliment, you made Akagi happier than he had ever been.

The kitchen was filled with comfortable silence, and you appreciated the presence of the tall raven-haired libero who stood next to you, as he swore this scene would repeat itself in the future, someday, but with you as his girl.

-

The late dinner left everyone in a lazy mood, and although the Bluetooth speakers played more music, it became softer, more calm, and everyone felt ready to sleep.

The sleeping bags were arranged in the living room, in a small semicircle as you laid yours next to Atsumu.

“I didn't want to be alone in my room, knowing you guys were just outside, so I hope you don't mind if I slept here too” you said with a small blush.

The boys were overjoyed and eagerly made more space for you.

“I hope it won't be uncomfortable for you, y/n-san.”

You shook your head and settled into the sleeping back. “thank you for the concern, Kita-san, but you guys are here! how could I possibly be uncomfortable at all?”

You laid down in your sleeping bag as Aran leaned over to switch the lights off.

“Big day tomorrow. Let's all get some rest.”

A silent exchange of "goodnight's" was all you could hear, before complete silence, signalling their exhaustion.

But Atsumu, who was laying down next you was far from asleep.

He turned to the side to face you, his eyes reflecting the moonlight beautifully.

“I'm cold” you whispered, as you shifted in your sleeping bag uncomfortably. Atsumu's heart started beating uncontrollably as he made space in his own sleeping bag for you.

“Let's cuddle. Body heat is still heat, right beautiful?”

You smiled gratefully as you slipped in next to him, and his arms wrapped around you protectively.

His mind began to wander, and like Akagi, he wondered if he could get used to this. To coming home after a hard day and slipping into bed with you.

To keeping you warm on cold nights, and holding you if you had a nightmare.

As his fingers gently stroked through your hair, you sighed softly and cuddled closer to his chest in a dream-like state.

You had fallen asleep in his arms, just like he had dreamt for so often, and he couldn't wait till he'd be able to have you with him every single night.

Every single night for the rest of forever. Atsumu wanted to spend every single one of them with you.

He smiled softly as he observed your sleeping features before pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“You'll truly be the death of me, y/n”

-

You awoke many times in the middle of the night, but with Atsumu's firm grip on you, and his comforting body heat, you had no trouble falling back asleep again.

Soon, sunlight began to stream through the windows and the small beams of light slowly caused you to wake up.

The boys were all still asleep, so you gently pried yourself off Atsumu, gave him a gentle kiss to his cheek, and tip-toed to the kitchen, to make breakfast.

Aran, who had incredibly sensitive ears, heard the shift of the fridge door, and woke up. In a groggy-like state, he walked over to you and hugged you from behind.

“good morning” he whispered softly. “can I help you with breakfast?”

Although he wasn't naturally a cook, your patient instructions and kindness proved to be all he needed, and the two of you made a pile of pancakes, drizzled in maple syrup.

By now, the rest of the boys were also awake, they were better than greyhounds when it came to sniffing out food you've made.

But as Aran helped you around the kitchen, he couldn't focus on the others. He couldn't focus on anyone but you.

You, with your messy hair and half lidded eyes. With your low morning voice and small smile. You were so comfortable being yourself, and he really was glad.

Morning-y/n, the y/n only they got to see this morning, was pretty darn adorable. And he wanted her to know that.

“you're so cute when you're still half asleep, ya know?”

Although his voice has a teasing edge, a ring of laughter behind it, Aran wanted you to know that.

“aww thanks Aran, I like your morning voice too” you said with a dopey smile, as your flipped another pancake.

Suna stole one from off the plate and nibbled on it “I rate this a 10/10 too”

“Oh no Kita's glaring at me. I never tasted it in the first place”

-

After breakfast, presents, tons of hugs, and an outfit change later, the Shrine came into view. It was the first day of the new year, and as per the tradition of praying at the shrines for good luck, you and the team were heading there to welcome the new year with hopes and dreams.

“So, you have to clap twice, and wish for whatever it is your head desires for this year” said Akagi with a smile.

The rest of the boys had their eyes screwed shut, as they prayed for their deepest desire; to marry you someday.

Your wish was not so different either. “I wish to be able to be by their sides forever. For their good health, happiness, and safety. I love them.”

As you laid your eyes on their figures, hunched over the shrine, you swore you would do anything to make your wish a reality.

“I love you guys. Happy new year.!!”

-

taglist : @raychii @dai-tsukki-desu @k-sakusa-old @pocket-of-anxiety @sunasthing @thatthangwasthangin @daydreamingtetsu @ignorantsock @ohrintarou @tilli-san

The professor's note: 😭broooo so I'm like finally done?? This was so long I hope you guys enjoy it <3 (it took like 3 days to perfect it, so likes and reblogs are very much appreciated uwu)

[ferret-not-microwave]

Les Amis Modern AU: What They Wish Others Believed About Them (Part 4)

[I kind of wrote this in response to some general trends in characterising the Amis. There are some stereotypes which I'm not quite comfortable with.]

[So much delay. Sorry.]

Joly:

• Really, really wishes that people don't laugh at him for his anxiety issues. He is truly terrified of getting infected with some disease or the other, and even more terrified of spreading it to Joly and Chetta. It doesn't help that he is one of the most sincere students of the lot, and spends a lot of time reading medical journals, which feed into his panic. He feels safe wearing masks, using rubbing alcohol (or wearing gloves), and having a bag full of basic first aid supplies, and gets embarrassed if anyone judges him for it. Also, he doesn't like it if "concerned" people ask him whether he had a past history of debilitating disease or something, he doesn't want to discuss it at all, okay? -_-

• When Joly fusses about illness in the Musain, it is him letting his guard down. He has to actively rein in his anxiety to function in the hospital, and gets super exhausted from hiding it. His tells in the hospital are are wide eyes behind his protective goggles and a compulsive toying with the wristband of his gloves. He's one of the most courageous individuals ever because of what he faces on a regular basis. He hopes that he might get some reassurance from the Amis to stop his spiralling thoughts, and he mostly gets it.

• Joly definitely has a wild side, and is more than his anxious, serious self. If there's one who can one-up Courf's cheesy pick-up lines, it is Joly. With a eyebrow quirk that leaves everyone giggly and blushing. If there's one who can set a Karaoke stage on fire (not literally, that would be R), it's Joly. If there's one who can down shots to match Bahorel, it's Joly. The one who is the most eager to go skinny dipping? Joly. The one who is, oddly, the most eager to break a pinata? Joly. Joly is more than a "quiet science nerd who checks his tongue in the mirror all the time".

• Joly and Ferre INSIST that they do not talk about random medical trivia all the time. Honestly, their shared interests involve Jane Austen and massive amounts of gossip with tea, along with Doctor Who, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TEA, IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD.

• There are days he wants to tackle people like an angry Pikachu. But real life is tough, and not everyone has the privilege of confronting people. But he really, really can do without people casting aspersions on his poly relationship with Bossuet and 'Chetta ALL THE TIME. He has been confronted as an "opportunist" in Pride walks, faced with people's pitying look to Bossuet or 'Chetta as though he is stringing them both along or "sharing" 'Chetta with Bossuet, cheered on and slapped on the back by straight cismen for "knowing how to have fun", and once directly asked if he's the one who will marry 'Chetta. He goes into panic often, and for the longest time thought himself a really awful person.

• Beware a Joly in a farmer's market. Not because of haggling, but because some people ALWAYS assume that he's amazing at math while he actually fumbles at the cash counter. Similarly, he hates it if people crack shady jokes about him being a Marie Kondo around him (just because he likes neatness AND MARIE KONDO THANK YOU VERY MUCH). And no, he doesn't like rice all the time.

• Please give back the Tupperwares. Unlike popular opinion, Joly won't chase you down for his Tupperware like some do, and isn't particularly possessive about them. That doesn't mean that he can replace misplaced Tupperwares for all eternity, please. ;_; (Same goes for the beeswax food wraps and dino bandages, c'mon peeps don't help yourself to them indiscriminately ;_;).

• Apart from his baggy sweatshirt and dinosaur pajamas aesthetic, he also has a dress shirt and pleated pants collection that would probably leave Jay Gatsby jealous AF.

Bossuet:

• Is really self-conscious about his receding hairline. He had taken to shaving his head to make it look cool, because he's really uncomfortable with weird jokes about his age and baldness. Shaving heads is pretty high-maintenance at times, and he's slowly opening up to let the hair grow back on the sides of the head for the heck of it. He used to have a large collection of hats too, which he still uses occasionally, but now it is just a fashion accessory, not a way to hide. He likes scarves as well.

• He used to flinch and swallow his discomfort when people would touch his scalp without permission, now he firmly brushes off their hands with a light scowl.

• Similarly, he hates it when people actively try to compare him to Joly. He hates being considered less successful, a "third wheel" to Joly and 'Chetta and someone who can be taken less seriously. This doesn't mean he is jealous or angry with Joly at all though.

• He feels really, really angry when Joly sometimes breaks down in front of him and 'Chetta when confronted with comments on their relationship. He can and will stonewall anyone who hurts either of them.

• Bossuet understands Joly's anxiety because he faces anxiety as well. He often gets nightmares of his "bad luck" turning batshit Final-Destination-esque and resulting in horrible accidents to Joly, 'Chetta amd the rest of the Amis. He knows the "bad luck" jokes are good humouring, but it wears him down a lot in exam/interview/work meeting weeks and leaves him third and fourth guessing himself. He had also entered a bout of depression because the "bad luck" jokes had convinced himself that he can't progress in life because what's the use. It took a lot of work and, oddly, a super niche article from the Amis blog detailing research on how some societies actively ostracize people for being "unlucky" and how it is linked to major societal oppression, to help him.

• Bossuet loves having a heart of gold. Sometimes some people tell him not to be so nice ("what if that person has cheated you off money with a sob story?"). He refuses, because he cherishes being nice and knows his limits. He sometimes worries if he's being stupid, like when the great "attendance-by-proxy" disaster happens. But Marius' broad and grateful smile, "hi, how are you doing?" texts every morning, and monthly batch of AMAZING chocolate cookies makes it worth it.

• Bossuet's accidents do lead to some happy accidents. He stumbled on a whole new recipe of gooey brownies by accident. An amazing combination of dark chocolate and red chilli peppers (maybe not so weird in retrospect)? By accident. He fell upon Courfe's sandcastle once, but it resulted in a rare hermit crab crawling out. Courfe gave a treat at the new brunch place he was saving up for, because apparently that hermit crab had made Ferre all starry-eyed and happier than he had been in weeks. And as for the rest pf the accidents? Nothing that duct tape , 'Chetta, Joly and occasionally Feuilly can't help with. In all, his accidents are always smallish, and never monumental.

• Bossuet can put 'Chetta and Ferre to shame with his eyebrow raising (at least occasionally? Hehe?). He does that a lot when people ask him if he has put water on fire or has fallen into wells. "Like bruh? I don't go anywhere close to wells, I love sidewalks and what's with everyone asking me about the kitchen being on fire?" He also does that a lot to piners (R, Ep, Courfe, 'Parnasse).

• Bossuet is one of Enj's closest friends in Law School (apart from Courfe), because Law classes and shared optional papers. Duh. They often have long discussions which are super pleasant, fluffy, yet sensible because of his really sensitive optimism. Bossuet's unorthodox insights make their way into Enj's notes for ABC meetings, and he credits him always. Similarly Enj bails him out with attendance issues. Bossuet often calmly advices him about R. Since Joly has a similar relationship with Ferre, Bossuet and Joly sometimes help Enj and Ferre sort out lingering grievances between them, or plain hear them out. Enj and Bossuet have Froyo days.

Musichetta:

• Loves, loves, LOVES books. Has no idea why people think nerds come in a kind of stereotype only ("I don't look like you", she complains to Joly and Ferre one day, "but I can defeat you two in a Jane Austen quiz WTF!" They agree emphatically, and Ferre adds "and maybe Jehan too. Maybe".). She is a massive sucker for Comic-Cons and hates men who try to prove otherwise. -_- She loves libraries as much as she loves bars.

• Has no idea why people think she's super bitchy or about to eat them up. Many people plain run when she so much as looks at them while doing a shift as a barista in the Musain. Or ask for "the nicer barista" (Cosette?). When she breathes a sigh of relief when someone treats her nice, she also braces herself for self-righteous "saviours". "Are you sure you are doing okay with those men?" "They are using you!". If she poured milk all over a client's trousers because of such a comment not-so-accidentally, no one needs to know. ;)

• Sometimes, she feels drained out. Having to support both her partners anxiety can leave her down too. They are amazing people, who love her a lot, and know that she needs her recharge time. Often Bossuet takes over in caring for Joly and vice-versa. 'Chetta has a small arrangement with Courfe on those days. If he has free time, the two of them go for an amazing, super relaxing spa session. Bahorel is back-up spa partner. The two of them know not to ask questions, but let her unwind her thoughts and air them out.

• 'Chetta joined Les Amis L'ABC much later. One of her pet peeves were when Joly or Bossuet would go to protests which could easily turn violent because of right wing trolls and the police swarming the city. Specifically, when they went without more than a word or two to her. She would get worried sick, particularly if they couldn't pick up the phone within half an hour of the protest ending, and would cry alone because she didn't want to come off as needy and one of those people who do not support their cause.

• She finally broke down before them after Bossuet had a small concussion. They were really shamefaced at having not thought about her feelings, and their apologies ran for hours. While Joly promised to regularly give her updates, Bossuet asked her to join the ABC if she is comfortable with it. It took time for her to accept that she was being in the group because of the cause and not because she wanted to helicopter-mom Joly and Bossuet, but when the next protest happened, she realised that she was in a place she always wanted to be in.

• The Amis thought that she was a member anyway. She would holler at

• 'Chetta hates it when people think that it's Joly or Bossuet who end up lavishing gifts on her all the time. True, they do, but she does it too. She's a sucker for thoughtful gift giving, and she spoils the Amis A LOT OF TIMES. She can scour the Earth for ideal gifts for her boys, and she often takes care of a stray bill or two, as much as she humanely can. She doesn't play a one-upping battle of gifts though, she just loves a lot.

• She is really self conscious about her small hands and tiny feet. Which seem to her too small in comparison with the rest of her body. Sometimes she used to wear really fluffy mittens in winter to hide how small her hands her. Not so much now. :)

•She confided to Jehan that she didn't like people romanticizing her small hands and feet because she thought they were putting unrealistic standards of the "frail beauty" on her when she was anything but. She said this after she heard R chortle about how Joly had introduced her as having tiny hands and feet. The discussion ended in her gaping and then crying out of laughter because (according to Jehan) apparently Joly was really drunk when he first talked to the Amis about her, and had also said something like "she has fortune-teller eyes, yannow! Ask Bossuet! And her dimples! Marius, you booby, you pool noodle, I know how you feel like when you met Cosette!"

Apparently Bahorel had replied with "you need new pants" and then started laughing like no tomorrow. Bossuet, not so drunk (because he was late to the party), had taken the sensible route and shown the Amis the picture the three of them took after their first date.

• Seriously, she knows zilch about tarot cards or natal charts.

[r-u-s-t]

Why can't my code just do what I want it to do, and not what I'm telling it to do?

[kri-babe]

A Bad Experience ᅳ Word Count: 2143 Summary: TAKE THE TRASH OUT. Warning: Implied Sexual Assault. Murder.

I was a pretty average kid. I wasn’t excessively popular, but I wasn’t an outcast either. I liked my silence and my own company, but I didn’t mind the company of my friends either. I had my own little pack of misfits that I ran with but we were average kids. We hung out where we could, but it wasn’t all that often between our classes or after school. My best friend in school was… sort of unorthodox, and a lot of people would have probably questioned it, and had my mom been any better, she would’ve told me to stay the fuck away from him.

And with good reason…

Mr. Rhodes was the school janitor; dressed persistently in a dark blue jumpsuit, and jingling whenever he walked because of the keys he carried on his belt. He was a fairly recluse guy, and the other kids thought he was pretty creepy. I think that was because of the fact that he had this weird tendency to turn up in random places, or… maybe it was the scars that mangled the side of his face. Hell, now that I think back on it, it could’ve even just been the vibe he put off. The smile that was just a little too friendly… the dark eyes that were just a little… too happy.

I guess I was a bad read of people…

But for whatever unfortunate reason, I liked Mr. Rhodes… I spoke to him regularly whenever I saw him, treated the guy like he was just another friend of mine. He was friendly enough, and he didn’t treat me like I was just some dumb fuckin’ kid in his way, wasting his time.

I never told him about it, but I think he put it together anyway - the problems back at home. He’d told me one day that I could hide out in the janitor’s closet if I ever needed a place away from everyone else. I hadn’t thought anything of it. Just a friendly gesture from a decent guy everyone overlooked because he had an unsavory job, and scars on his face.

I never once stopped to wonder why he was working at that school, why he was a janitor, and why the other kids avoided him… why the teachers avoided him. I never really thought beyond the idea that they were just mean. That maybe it was pack instinct that kept the flock together, safe in their numbers where the wolf couldn’t easily get to them.

No, I had to be the black sheep - the one that sticks out like a sore thumb, all the easier to snatch.

Too bad I didn’t see his fangs until he found me in the janitor’s closet one day. It’d been a shit day, mom was off her meds, had thrown away some of my stuff because it was ‘Satanic’. I didn’t want to put up with the teachers, nor the other kids, so I hunkered down in that little, cramped closet to just ride the day out. Where the fuck else was I going to go? Home? As if. If only I’d thought of some place else. If only I’d refused to trust him too.

He asked how long I’d been there, and I told him since school started. Guess that meant no one would notice one missing kid. The minute he closed the door, I felt something. A sinking brick in my gut and it only got worse when Mr. Rhodes knelt beside me, rubbed my back and told me that it’d all be okay. He could make it better. … I must’ve been twelve.

I stayed in the closet for the rest of the day. I was too scared to come out until well after school had ended….

I told her anyway. I knew she wouldn’t hear it, I knew she wouldn’t believe me. I knew she wouldn’t be on my side. But sometimes… just… sometimes. She was mom. I told her anyway. I felt the strike far before I had seen it coming.

“No son of mine will be an incubus, not in this house. God will excise this evil from you, you pustulant seductor.”

I still have scars from the whipping.

So… what now…

What do you do when your childhood fucking rapist comes into your place of work… and recognizes you…?

“Well, well,” Chimed a familiar, snake-like voice from just a few steps behind.

Alby blinked tiredly a few times, staring at the bleary image of the DVD cases in the cart and in his hands. As per the norm, the night had been slow - Blockbusters wasn’t really what it used to be, and the few customers he did get were often high as hell, and just looking for cheap movies to rent. He’d had maybe one other customer earlier that evening, before he’d set to putting back the returns.

Another blink, Alby slowly frowned as it pushed its way back to the surface - that rotten, fetid trauma he’d buried years ago. The boy straightened, blinking, and turned his head to peer over his shoulder as Rhodes stepped nearer, grinning just like the wolf he’d always been. Alby’s frown hardened as his good eye slowly cleared from the haze of the pot that clouded his head.

“If it isn’t little Alby… and you’ve grown up to be so handsome too… I’m honestly surprised to still see you around, kiddo… I was so sure your mother would be the end of you…” He reached closer, tilting Alby’s chin in his direction with a finger to better see the patch that was taped over the young man’s right eye. “Looks like she might still be,” He smirked, releasing him then, and instead, placed his hand over Alby’s back.

Broad, slender - he’d shot up like a beanstalk since they had last seen each other. Rhodes looked no different somehow, and Alby wasn’t sure how to take that. But the hand over his back summoned something from the depths of his being. A cold sweat broke out over his porcelain skin and Alby could feel a tremble push its way into his arms and fingers.

“So, how’s life been, kiddo…?” Alby frowned again, staring silently at Rhodes. Was this a joke? Was this guy just… playing fucking stupid? Like they’d always been buddy buddy? Like he fucking hadn’t raped him all those years ago? What was this? Was he trying to get cozy with him so he could do it again?

“What’s the matter, Alby~? Cat got your tongue?”

Rhodes’ hand slid lower, and whether that was to withdraw or not didn’t matter anymore when Alby suddenly exploded into motion with a left hook that connected directly with Rhodes’ jaw. He fell like a sack of bricks and Alby stood there in total silence once more - naught but the sound of his own shaky breathing to accompany him as he glared down at Rhodes’ body. He must have hit him just right… and certainly just hard enough, his knuckles protested about it.

Fuck…

What the fuck was he going to do with this fucker… call the police? But for what… a crime he’d committed twelve years ago? This was assault… and he was positive that his boss wasn’t going to be happy about his one fucking employee assaulting a customer…

The walkie-talkie on the back of Alby’s hip crackled and popped, and there it came: his boss’s chipper voice.

“Hey, Al, you there, bud~?”

He’d never seen the guy’s face, but his manager was always so weirdly happy… it was unsettling at best.

“Fuck…” Alby breathed, still shaking as he pulled the walkie-talkie off his belt and brought it to his lips, “Y-yeah, what’s up?” Just… be calm. Act normal. Everything was fine. He never even came into the store, and it was late. They were just between the shelves. No one would know.

“Hey, Al, there ya are! Listen, bud!” Popped the walkie.

“Remember what I told you about the trash? Those no-good lay-about trash guys don’t come by anymore, so there’s an incinerator in the basement of the building you can use to take out the trash! It’s pretty big, too, remember? So don’t fall in!”

Alby shook harder, blinking widely.

He was so sure he could hear something else just under his boss’s peppy voice. Something unnatural, just under the static, like worms in the dirt, whispering the earth’s secrets into his ears.

‘T̴̨̥̥̮̖̮̠̰̗͖̘̺͒̂̿̅͠Ā̴̫̖̬̜̝̟̠̥̿͌̃͐ͅK̶̟̻̤̼͇̭̻̗̖̖̮̤̺̺̅̐̐̊̀̅̔̈́͑̔̄̀̕̚͝ͅE̶͔̥̺̩̖͓̗̱͉̤̮̭̲͎̺̫̋͛̋̒̊̄̕ ̶̧̬̙͉̮̦̮̭̘͙͌̈́̈Ţ̶̨̛̛̫͖̙̫̺̘̰̘̳̮̘̞̊̏̅͊͋̍͂̄̅́̌͜͠͠͝ͅH̸̨̟͕͍̝̠̫̔̏̓͘͜͝Ě̶̡̨̨͖̫͚͇͍̰̻̪̭̰̃̈́́̈́̌̇̔̒̂̑́̉̿̓̑͘ͅ ̴̭̮͍̟̩̯̍̉͂̂̒͗̀̈́̐̒͘T̷͓̱͎͔̦̫̲̹̰̠̬̤̹͂R̸̡̹͔͓̳͎̣̗͙̥͙̱̯̂͊̌̽͗̈́̎̅̇͘͝A̴̳̳̤̣͐̑̄͘ͅS̷̩̲͖͒̏́̆̋Ḩ̶͔̥͉̪͓͉͇̠̭̓͋̀͒͘͜ ̸͇͎̘̮̀̊͐̈͋̽̑̇̔̄̋̈́͜͝͠Ơ̷̡̳̰̳͈͙̙̞͔̹̦͍͋̋̑̿̿͂̾̊̀̓͑̎̕̕͘̚U̶͔̩̘͖͖̗͚̞̲͓̬̟̥̺̅̓̂͑̏́͝͠͝T̸̺̹̤̮̆̓̽̈́̀̒̉͒̄̓̀̒͒͠,̶̪̤̯̖̩̯̘̾̒͊̇̂͂͗̑̂͋͋̈́̏͐̏͜͝ͅ ̶̡̡̣͓̠̭̫̟̫͕̔͆͋̈́̈́̌̊̓̈́̍͌̈́̔̐́̾͜͝A̵̲͓̝͚͚̖͖͙͉̹͍̗̦͙͔̭̞͑͊̃̓̿̑̓̑̾̃͊L̵̨͖̣̜̬̜̮̲̦̞̥̑̓͑̄͌̎̿͛̈́̈̂͝Ḇ̷̯͎̝̮̯͖͈̰͔̦͕̫̭̬̙̉̉̅ͅY̵̡̪̹̲͚̭͈̞͚̆̓͒̍̚͘͝͝͠.̷͚̳̘̜͙̺̝̳̌̀̔̑͒͗̐̌̈̃͌͝͠͝’

Alby swallowed, and looked back down at the body that lay sprawled across the carpeted flooring, lips working to form words he couldn’t find the ability to add noise to.

“Still there, Al!?” He jolted.

“Y-yeah, yeah, sorry, I’m here. I-I -- I’m on it, boss.” The walkie was hooked back onto his belt and Alby slowly exhaled.

Did he… know…? There was no fucking way this was coincidence. Trash day was usually at the end of the week… it was fucking Tuesday.

Could he do this…?

The basement door swung open, and Alby panted softly, grunting as he readjusted the man draped over his shoulder and slowly began down the steps into the blackness of the basement. There were lights, but the incinerator was often just bright enough that its orange glow was more than enough to light his way. That… beast of a machine. Steel and fire - the belly of a dragon, and the teeth to match.

When he first came to work here, there was no basement. There was no incinerator. There were large trash bins outside that the garbage men would occasionally come get, because the Blockbuster didn’t produce enough trash. Alby was the only employee. But after a time, he’d gotten word from his boss that the garbage men wouldn’t be stopping by anymore. They’d decided the place wasn’t worth the stop anymore, due to how infrequently they had to pick up from it.

The next day, there was a note about the basement. The incinerator. The shop never shut down. There were no construction workers. There was no equipment. No signs that the building had been added onto. It was just… there.

Every step thunked down the stairs as Alby disappeared down into that blackness, and squinted the moment he came around the corner to face the incinerator. It didn’t often make much noise… but it was growling now. Like a ravenous beast, it’s teeth clanking against its jaw in anticipation. Alby hesitated. He often wondered if this fucking thing was alive… the way it acted. But it was so easy for him to chalk it up to the fact that it was probably just funky machinery. He swallowed, and drew nearer, pulling the lever to open the jaws of this hellbeast which roared hungrily, releasing a burning belch of hot air into the basement. Alby squinted against the blast, and stared into those roaring flames.

The weight on his shoulder never felt heavier… and he wasn’t sure he could do this…

The guy… raped him but… this was murder, and no one would ever know…

But they never knew about his rape, either, did they…?

The walkie talkie crackled and popped, fuzzing loudly against the rumbling of the incinerator. There were no words that spilled through the static, and yet… he could hear that distant sound once again. As if there was just… too much interference, or the frequency wasn’t

quite right.

‘T̴̨̥̥̮̖̮̠̰̗͖̘̺͒̂̿̅͠Ā̴̫̖̬̜̝̟̠̥̿͌̃͐ͅK̶̟̻̤̼͇̭̻̗̖̖̮̤̺̺̅̐̐̊̀̅̔̈́͑̔̄̀̕̚͝ͅE̶͔̥̺̩̖͓̗̱͉̤̮̭̲͎̺̫̋͛̋̒̊̄̕ ̶̧̬̙͉̮̦̮̭̘͙͌̈́̈Ţ̶̨̛̛̫͖̙̫̺̘̰̘̳̮̘̞̊̏̅͊͋̍͂̄̅́̌͜͠͠͝ͅH̸̨̟͕͍̝̠̫̔̏̓͘͜͝Ě̶̡̨̨͖̫͚͇͍̰̻̪̭̰̃̈́́̈́̌̇̔̒̂̑́̉̿̓̑͘ͅ ̴̭̮͍̟̩̯̍̉͂̂̒͗̀̈́̐̒͘T̷͓̱͎͔̦̫̲̹̰̠̬̤̹͂R̸̡̹͔͓̳͎̣̗͙̥͙̱̯̂͊̌̽͗̈́̎̅̇͘͝A̴̳̳̤̣͐̑̄͘ͅS̷̩̲͖͒̏́̆̋Ḩ̶͔̥͉̪͓͉͇̠̭̓͋̀͒͘͜ ̸͇͎̘̮̀̊͐̈͋̽̑̇̔̄̋̈́͜͝͠Ơ̷̡̳̰̳͈͙̙̞͔̹̦͍͋̋̑̿̿͂̾̊̀̓͑̎̕̕͘̚U̶͔̩̘͖͖̗͚̞̲͓̬̟̥̺̅̓̂͑̏́͝͠͝T̸̺̹̤̮̆̓̽̈́̀̒̉͒̄̓̀̒͒͠,̶̪̤̯̖̩̯̘̾̒͊̇̂͂͗̑̂͋͋̈́̏͐̏͜͝ͅ ̶̡̡̣͓̠̭̫̟̫͕̔͆͋̈́̈́̌̊̓̈́̍͌̈́̔̐́̾͜͝A̵̲͓̝͚͚̖͖͙͉̹͍̗̦͙͔̭̞͑͊̃̓̿̑̓̑̾̃͊L̵̨͖̣̜̬̜̮̲̦̞̥̑̓͑̄͌̎̿͛̈́̈̂͝Ḇ̷̯͎̝̮̯͖͈̰͔̦͕̫̭̬̙̉̉̅ͅY̵̡̪̹̲͚̭͈̞͚̆̓͒̍̚͘͝͝͠.̷͚̳̘̜͙̺̝̳̌̀̔̑͒͗̐̌̈̃͌͝͠͝’

There it was again - that compulsion. This subtle… feeling. Like someone or something was just… gently pushing on his mind. On his thoughts. Compelling him, his wants. With a deep breath, and another soft grunt, Alby bounced the man from his shoulder, and into the blazing fires of the furnace, tossing in his legs to follow the body as embers shot out in every direction. He hadn’t even fully straightened when those steel jaws banged shut, and Alby threw a widened brown eye over the lever. Was it faulty…? Holy shit.

The blow to his jaw wasn’t enough to keep Rhodes down now… the screaming started shortly after, and Alby couldn’t take his eyes off the furnace as that blackening silhouette within thrashed and struggled frantically for an escape that would not be found.

It couldn’t have lasted for more than a few minutes… but those minutes felt like an eon, and Alby knew Rhodes suffered… too bad it was over so soon.

He stared quietly at the furnace as the roaring dulled to a soft, content rumble, fingers shaking by his thighs as he searched in vain for signs that Rhodes yet remained within that beast’s blazing belly.

The walkie talkie popped and fuzzed.

There were no clear words again… but he could have sworn that he heard the faintest sound of a voice… just… just out of range.

'̶̡͙̗͔̒̄͒͛̆̈́͐̏̐̃̈́̎͝Ṋ̷̱̙̝̋́͐̑̀̋̐̽̽̐͂̆͐͝Ơ̵͔̒̀͋̋̌̂B̸̖̞̘̬̥̺͓̜̘̟͙̥̑̍͑́̍̈́̿̉̈́̽͑̏̀͘ͅO̸̡̬͉̞̱̪͚̭̼̬͉͊̉̆͛̍̒̊D̷̥̩̮̈̃̊̈́͂͊̔͑̈́̽̇͘̚ͅẎ̵̦̺̯̣̦̲̣̐̽̀͆̽̊̏̃ ̷̨͖̖̪̥̹̣̠͕͔̤͎͍̹̽̈̕͝L̵͔̜͇͖̮̰͙̤̰̠̂́̄̓̌̑̄̐̈̚͝Ǐ̸̗̭̬͍̬͙̗̘͔̃͝͠ͅK̸̙̼͙̳̹̫͚̩͎͍̈́ͅȄ̵͙̏̉̏͛̈̎̒̐̆̿Ş̴̧͙̤̳̤̅̿̈̉́̌͂̐̿͠͝͠͠ ̵̢͙͍̮̳̐̅͐̀͐̅͗͂̈́́̈́A̸̧͉̟̯͔̠̮͚̻̭͑̿͒̈̿̅͒͛͛̽͠ ̶̡̢̹̭͉̳̙̣̺̘̍͂́̏͝K̵̻͉̳̘͍̩̦͎̱̙̩̝͍͌͒̈́̐̃͘͜I̵̺̝̣̩͕̱̱͇͔̊̅͒D̴̨͔̘͎̝̫͕͙͚̥̦̘̙̳̀̔͑͘D̵͔̤͓̗͈͍͕̱͎̭̀Ī̴̱̲́̇͂̐͠Ē̶̡̪̅́̑̃͊̎̐́͐̂̊̓ ̵̨̱͎͚̣͖̘͓̻̬̗͖͊̊̉̇̽͑̓̋͊̾̾F̶̡̡͈̭̼͇͇͎̙̂̽͛͐͒̈́̅̉̎Ḭ̷̧̛̮̤̣͓̖͈̐̏̀̅͗́͘͝D̸̛̦͊D̸̡̢͈̞͙͔̜͖̖̮̻͖̒͆̆̒̆̿͋̌̒́̅̚͘͠Ļ̵̻̼͚̝́̿͋̚E̸̝͎͍͂̇̽̃͋͊̐͌͝͠ͅR̶̡̞͉̞̩̱̝͚̗͙̦̐́̉̑̈́̆̀͌̀̾̅͘ͅ'̷̨̧͔̣̜̺̪̰̜̦̮̖̺͑̂̃̊̔͂̈̀͐̃͜

[howling-harpy]

Proposal headcanons

We had a funny conversation on Discord and it got my feelings going, so I’m going to make a list of ship-specific proposal headcanons.

Shout out to @lyselkatz @junojelli @realhunterswearplaid and @majwinters  for throwing their two cents on this!

Winnix

 This couple figured early on that they will be together forever, one way or another. They didn’t say it out loud, but they clicked and fell hard and fast and quietly thought to themselves, “this is someone who I’m going to be with for the rest of my life”.

Dick meant to propose. He really did. He had the ring ready, he had a perfect plan, a speech written out and all.

His problem is that it was never quite the right time. He needs it to be perfect, and it just never was, so he kept putting it off.

Dick puts it off so far in fact, that Nix gets tired of waiting and proposes instead.

Nix, on the other hand, is bad at emotions, so his way of proposing is pretty much that scene where Captain Winters becomes Major Winters.

They are having dinner at home one ordinary Tuesday night, and Nix just happens to remember it and happens to be wearing the pants with the jewelry box in its pocket, so he just pulls the box out and tosses it to Dick.

Nix really can’t do serious emotions, so his proposal is short and he’s half making fun of it at the same time.

“Here’s something I thought you would be giving to me but looks like I’m giving to you, haha! Yeah, I got tired of waiting, so here’s a ring, this is the moment, and now we both say our lines and start our series of stupid fights about colours and the guest list.”

Nix is Nix, and that’s the person Dick wants to marry, so of course he’s moved. Moved, caught off guard, and so so happy. He can’t say anything for a moment, he just stares at the ring and smiles, and Nix has time to panic.

Which means Nix will make one last effort at being serious: “Seriously, you’re my best friend and the love of my life, so please say yes.”

Of course Dick says yes. In retrospect, he’s actually relieved that Nix popped the big question and he got to stop stressing about it. Turns out that Dick spent all his stress on planning the proposal, and planning the actual wedding and going through with it goes smoothly.

Speirton

They actually talk about marriage pretty plainly for over a year before either proposes.

Their relationship progresses and matures naturally, and both of them bring up topics about their future together from time to time, like where they want to be in ten years, do they want children, how they’d raise them, how they spend their money, are they going to buy a house, and so forth.

With Ron in service and Lip travelling for work, a fairly large part of their relationship is long-distance. They make it work with strong foundation that both of them build, so they are less worried about getting married or proposing, and more invested in building their relationship to that level of commitment.

Really, they could have as well been married before anyone proposed. They both also knew at that point they would get married at some point.

The moment comes at completely random, when Ron forgets himself one evening in bed and just stares at Lip for a long while.

Lip is used to this and usually lets Ron be and think his thoughts, but there’s something to it this time that invites his attention, so he asks about it.

Ron announces: “I’ve decided I’m going to marry you.”

Lip chuckles and comments that Ron is supposed to ask and not tell him, to which Ron replies that he hasn’t ever asked for anything.

Lip laughs more. He strings the topic of Ron’s unorthodox manner of proposal along for a while, but he has had a ring ready for a few years already so it’s just for his own amusement.

BabeRoe

Marriage never really occured to either one of them.

They are very content in their own thing, they are steady and happy and both consider their relationship as something that’s already whole and good, so enhancing or making changes to it doesn’t come to mind.

The idea of marriage comes to them from outside:

Gene’s mother encourages him to be decent and respect tradition and bring his man home for real.

For Babe, it’s Bill who absolutely loves weddings and also wants to complete their pact of being the bestman at each other’s weddings. For that, Babe will have to get married.

The thing is, neither Babe or Gene really does “official” or “grand”. Their relationship is very down to earth and they are simply very comfortable around each other, so something like a proposal doesn’t fit into it. You can’t spell it in fridge magnets or leave a post-it note in a lunchbox about marriage, now can you?

Babe ends up trying to pull off a romantic gesture by hiding the ring in Gene’s coffee. Long story short, they end up in the ER, but in the end Gene still says yes to the bright red Babe who can’t stop apologizing and babbling about fridge magnets.

Proposal was already hard enough, so how about the wedding? These two can’t plan a wedding. They just can’t.

Their engagement goes on and on, and they keep trying to pick date but then just forget about it.

This is solved by their friends, who get the idea to make a roadtrip to Vegas over a weekend, and they drop by the Wedding Chapel.

Gene and Babe are wedded by Dolly Parton while Bill, Joe, Malark, Skip and Penkala cheer them from the front row. Bill might have cried.

WebGott

Their aspiration for marriage is born from anxiety.

Both their families pressure them, with very mixed signals especially from Web’s family: they seem to want them to either marry or break up.

There isn’t so much a proposal as there is a breaking point of Web’s anxiety and Lieb’s patience.

Web has gone on and on about pros and cons of marriage for weeks, weighing in everything he and a dozen freelance online journalists could come up with. He’s considered finances, traditional values and his stance on them, political alignment of the institution of marriage, second-guessed his own values and dived into a rabbithole of psychology articles on dysfunctional families.

They are spending the weekend on Web’s boat, the one place he’s usually completely calm and confident, but this time he just keeps muttering his worries outloud.

It’s Lieb’s first weekend off in a month, and he’s had enough.

“Jesus, Web, just make a decision already, and make sure it’s yours! None of this ‘what would my parents want’ or ‘what will my friends think’ bullshit, just an honest call on your own damn life!”

The thing is, Lieb might sound harsh but his brand of bluntness is perfect to snap Web out of his overthinker’s spiral, which is what it does this time too.

In the end Web doesn’t have to think about it longer than a minute. He steers his boat and looks out to the sea for a bit, then turns to Lieb and goes, “hey Joe, want to get married?”

Lieb’s answer is “sure”. That’s all, and the matter is settled.

[jamaiskookie]

chapter two ; vent shenanigans 

🎃 warnings: mentions of injury / falls, police officer jargon (?) 

🎃 word count: 4.1k

🎃 genre: crack + humour = quality bangtan fics

🎃 A/N: i’m back!! i missed you... what’s up ? :-) go flood my inbox okay thanks HEHEHEHEHHEHE I’M EVIL FOR ENDING IT LIKE THIS BUT I’M NOT SORRY

main masterlist.  heist masterlist.  PREV

🎃 synopsis: “it’s heist time, baby!“ detective jeon jungkook is not nicknamed ‘golden maknae’ for no reason. he’s good at everything, except pleasing his superiors, something his colleagues find to be a piece of cake. which is why he jumps on the opportunity to finally prove himself in something he knows he’ll excel in: a halloween heist.

“Who has the key?”

“It’s not me! It’s Jeon, I can feel it in my bones!”

“Wha-? Are you kidding me right now?”

“It’s you! I never saw where the key went after you took the box away, you must’ve stashed it on yourself instead of putting it inside the box! Guys, I got it, it’s Jungkook. Now everyone just hOARD him-”

“Don’t you dare touch Jungkook!”

“I left the key in the box so no one can snatch it!”

“Jimin, get your hand away from my ass or I swear to God I will murder you- ”

“Wait, so are we trying to find the key or the box or the watch? I’m honestly just confused?”

“JUNGKOOK. It’s Jungkook, I’m literally calling it.”

“Bitch- pardon my french- but, Bitch?? I have been staying still all this time! I think it’s Namjoon, he’s making random accusations with zero reasoning.”

“I literally don’t know what’s going on.”

“What’s the use of teams if we’re all going to be like this? I vote that we all split up, every man for themselves.”

“I agree, Seokjin is not a very good teammate. He spent the last few minutes practicing a dance to Beyonce’s ‘Partition’. I think he’s in a cult, but we’ll get back to that.”

“I’m not in a cult, it’s a dance team! It’s a sport, you know?”

“Fuck, who was that?” 

“That’s my hand, what the fuck? Why are all the lights off?”

“Is there a power shortage?”

“Holy fucking goddamn shit, someone must be trying to get the box! Protect, protect, protect! I repeat: Someone is infiltrating!”

“How do we know it’s not just you pulling a trick, huh, TAEHYUNG?!”

“The box, it’s fucking gone!”

The lights abruptly switch back on. Jimin and Taehyung fall back with a thud, wincing at the sudden intrusion of light. Everyone turns to the middle of the room. A gasp goes around the precinct. 

Yoongi. 

literally only ten minutes ago :

Jungkook is slightly regretting all the decisions he has made over the course of his short 23 years of living. It may be too late for that- He’s made some really stupid desicions before- but if only he had come clean and just taken disciplinary action. Maybe he wouldn’t have been roped into such an elaborate plan. 

Although, he must admit, it does appeal to his competitive side. But if only he had just told the Captain earnestly, that he was just eating overripe bananas for the hell of it, he wouldn’t be hanging upside down from the ceiling of the precinct right now. 

Because if there’s anything he’s learned from his accumulative 10 hours per week spent on Among Us, it’s that vents are the best invention known to mankind for all things sneaky and deceitful. This particular incident checks both of those boxes.

Except he isn’t killing one of the players and chucking them off a spaceship. 

Jimin whispers in his ear through Jungkook’s airpods, “Are you okay? Over.” 

“Hello Carbonara Boy, please use our code names. Over.” Jungkook whispers in response. 

“Justin Seagull, is everything going smoothly? Over.” Jungkook cracks up as quietly as he is able to at his code name. 

“Carbonara Boy, the coast seems to be clear. Going in.” Jungkook mumbles into the phone. 

“Okay Justin Seagull,” Jimin pauses before continuing. “Be careful, don’t fall out of the vents like you did last time.” Jungkook swallows his annoyance down.

“That was one time, and it was barely a fall.” Jungkook says through gritted teeth. “Carbonara Boy.” He adds as an afterthought after he realises he had foregone the codename formalities.

“You were almost rushed to the ER, what do you mean barely-?!” Jimin argues, and Jungkook’s eye twitches. He’s so tempted to mute Jimin on his call, but he can’t afford it. He needs someone to be on the lookout in case Yoongi pops back from his fourth coffee run of the night. 

Jungkook’s head bangs against the top of the vent, and he wordlessly curses whoever designed these things to be so tiny. It’s like they didn’t even consider that an (almost) 6 foot man would be crawling through the ceiling vent to win a Halloween Heist. He crawls army style on his elbows, inching forward slowly to the next opening. 

“Justin Seagull- ” Jimin stops. “Wait, what’s Namjoon’s codename?” Jungkook’s about to reply when a voice rings out, clearly from below him. He stops in his tracks, not paying attention to Jimin’s question. 

“- helping Jeon? From what I know, you take delight in ratting him out.” Says a voice which sounds suspiciously like Taehyung. Jungkook can feel the force of Namjoon’s eyes rolling all the way from the ceiling. 

Wait. Taehyung? Namjoon? Did he accidentally crawl to the break room? Jungkook throws his head back- as much as he can in the enclosed space, internally groaning and working out the physics of how the heck he’s going to be able to turn around in this tiny vent. 

What he meant to do was get to the middle of the precinct. He strategically had placed his watch box straight underneath a vent covering, meaning he could swing down and grab the box immediately while Jimin created some sort of distraction. How did he manage to get to the break room instead?

“I can’t.” A snobby sounding voice pipes up to answer Taehyung. Yes, that was definitely Namjoon’s nagging voice. “He’s attacked my pride now, I have to win!” Taehyung sighs- a sound that Jungkook has practically memorised just from the sheer amount of times Taehyung has sighed at whatever kind of stupid antics Jungkook has found himself doing. 

“Okay,” The sergeant relents. “It can’t be too hard. It’s just taking a watch. It’s not even guarded, or hidden, or anything. Just out there in plain sight. I’ll go out and get it. I have work to get back to, and I need to be back home early tonight, the twins are going trick-or-treating.”

Jungkook hears a loud scraping noise, and then a goose quacking from below. 

“Are you stupid?” Nevermind, it wasn’t a goose. Just Namjoon screeching. “It’s a Halloween Heist. No way it’ll be that easy, we’re playing against the best officers in the force. If you go out and grab it, then the others will come out and pounce on us.”

“Okay!” Taehyung relents, giving in so that Namjoon will stop his duck screeching. “Then what do you propose we do?” There’s a pregnant pause and the unmistakable sound of Namjoon fiddling with his glasses- a habit he’s built up when he’s concentrating. 

Jimin is still yelling through Jungkook’s airpods, even though Jungkook can’t reply. Jungkook drags himself back by a centimeter experimentally, accidentally bumping his head against the top of the vent. His face twists up in pain, wordlessly hissing. 

“What was that?” Taehyung asks. 

Curses. 

Jungkook scampers away (As much as he can scamper in a tiny vent.) going backwards on his elbows as fast and as quietly as he can. But then suddenly, his abdomen sinks in the metal below him, and the vent floor rips apart. Jungkook freezes, and promptly falls into the air. 

Bemusedly, Jungkook wonders if this is how felons feel when they hear a police siren nearby. It’s terrifying. Maybe he should be more empathetic to his perps. Jungkook lands on his stomach with a deafening, telltale screech of the metal scraping the floor, rolling across on his back in excruciating pain. 

“- Kook, did you hear me? I said that I think you’re headed to Namjoon- what was that noise?” Jimin questions worriedly from the phone. Jungkook sighs in relief, because Jimin’s clear voice means his phone is still intact from the fall. He brings his knuckles up to his eyeline and winces. 

His phone may be intact, but his body is slightly ruined. Nothing new, he thinks. At least he didn’t break a bone this time.  

Namjoon and Taehyung look on confusingly. After a wild pause of silence and tension, Namjoon speaks. “Were you,” He says, enunciating each syllable. “Spying on us?” 

“Not intentionally.” Jungkook defends, still hurt on the ground. “I just fell out of a vent, and your biggest worry is that I was spying on you guys? Wow. I’m hurt. I thought we were closer than this, Kim.” Namjoon waves away Jungkook’s concerns. 

“You always fall out of things. This isn't even the first time you’ve fallen out of a vent.”

“- Why does everyone keep bringing that up!”

The break door swings open, and Jimin screams when he sees Jungkook laying on the floor. “Oh, god! Oh, god, oh God! Oh no, what happened?” He blanches at the sight of the tiniest amount of blood lacing Jungkook’s knuckles. 

“I’m fine,” Jungkook grumbles, reaching his hand up to motion at Jimin. His hair is sticking out in all directions, his clothes crumpled and his Jimin grabs a hold of him with his left hand, pulling him up so he can stand. Jungkook groans, clutching at his stomach. “I’m fine, this isn’t even that bad. The metal took most of the fall.” He insists. “I’m not going to break my three year streak of not going to a doctor.”

“You haven’t been to a doctor in three years??” Before Taehyung can jump into his lecture on how poorly Jungkook is managing his health, Jungkook balances on his feet and flings an arm around Jimin’s shoulder, smiling brightly. 

“Carry on with your heisting, men. Apologies for the interruption, my B. Definitely my bad.” Jungkook dismisses it and heads to the direction of the door as if there is not a whole chunk of vent on the ground, which he just fell out of. But Namjoon just shrugs. That’s Jungkook for you. 

The man has unorthodox ways and almost always lives spontaneously. 

“What is going on here?” Hoseok asks just as Jungkook and Jimin are about to walk out. The Captain stares suspiciously inside, and Jungkook’s smile stretches unnaturally up to his ears; the smile he puts on manually when he has something to hide. 

“Nothing! I didn’t break any government property, that’s for sure.” Jungkook reassures the Captain, slowly closing the door behind him, concealing the mess inside with a blinding grin. Hoseok’s glare narrows, but he doesn’t make an attempt to investigate any further. 

After all, the watch is still shut tight in the middle of the room, untouched and unmoving. 

“What were you doing in the Kims’ territory?” Seokjin asks, but his gaze is fixed on his phone screen, texting furiously. He looks up when Jungkook doesn’t reply. 

“Umm,” Jimin fumbles. “We were just-” 

“Jeon fell out of a vent.” Hoseok proposes, filling in the rest of Jimin’s sentence. 

“The fuck?” Jungkook sputters out. “How did you know?” Jin breaks out in laughter, pushing both of them aside to peek into the room. Sure enough, metal scraps lay in the center with the imprint of Jungkook’s back seen in the middle. His laugh grows more obnoxious and he leans over his stomach. 

Hoseok shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a satisfying victorious glint in the corner of his eye. “You have blood on your knuckles, I can see the Kims in there looking at something on the ground, and I figured the large crash we heard could only mean that Jungkook did something.” Jungkook pouts. 

“Plus,” Hoseok points out. “This isn’t the first time Jungkook’s fallen out of a vent, so it was fairly simple figuring out what happened.” Jungkook holds his palm up, signalling his superior to stop. 

“Okay,” He sighs out. “We get it. I fall out of vents. I’m not the imposter, I swear this was an accident.” Hoseok turns to Seokjin, forcing him to abruptly force down his laughing fit, as he always does when he doesn’t understand a pop culture reference.   

“Oh,” Jin begins explaining. “It’s this really popular game online. There is an imposter which acts as a killer, and they have to kill everyone on the ship before each crewmate finishes their tasks.” If anything, Jin’s explanation leaves even more questions unanswered, but the Captain doesn’t pry any further. Jungkook’s grin softens sheepishly. 

“Nothing suspicious here!” He exclaims loudly, hobbling away with Jimin back to the evidence room. Four pairs of eyes follow his footsteps, waiting just in case he suddenly reaches out to grab the box. But Jungkook is smart enough to know that his colleagues aren’t afraid to tackle him, crippled or not. 

Reluctantly, Hoseok walks back to his office, dragging Seokjin by the collar. Namjoon sighs, pursing his lips in annoyance. 

“Well,” He remarks defeatedly to Taehyung. “There goes our vent plan.” He crosses off ‘Among Us Vent ~ Plan #53’ off the gigantic bright pink binder which lays on the table. Taehyung not-so-secretly lets out a relieved exhale, which Namjoon pretends not to notice. 

But the vent isn’t what triggers the chaos about to ensue. No, that was entirely a misunderstanding. Jungkook balances himself on Jimin’s shoulder, while Jimin is chastising him, scolding him for not being careful. 

“If you keep falling out of vents-”

“Again, it was only twice-”

“Two times more than necessary. Normal people don’t fall out of vents that often, Jungkook.” Jungkook beams down at Jimin, the tip of a bad joke already rolling out his mouth.

“But we’re not normal people, Chimmy,” He says proudly. “We’re cops.” He says it as if he’s reciting a speech after being awarded a medal for his work in the force, not like someone who just fell (Quite spectacularly) out of a vent. 

“The vent just couldn’t hold all this muscle.” Jungkook says. “All of this,” He holds up his knuckles and flexes his knee out cautiously. He really isn’t that badly hurt. Jimin just makes a big deal out of everything. “Will be healed soon.” Jimin doesn’t seem too convinced. 

Jungkook shuts the evidence room door behind him, rubbing the back of his neck in slight regret. In hindsight, the whole vent idea was probably a bad idea. Even if it did end up sounding like a good plan, he should’ve sent Jimin in the vent instead of him. Jimin’s short stature and thin stance would have given him a much larger advantage than Jungkook had in a vent. Jimin also has a better sense of direction than Jungkook does. He probably wouldn’t have ended up crawling to the break room. 

Jimin sits Jungkook down, still side-eyeing him annoyingly for the vent incident. 

“Okay, so plan A failed!” Jungkook exclaims, worriedly positively. “Time for plan B!” 

Jimin’s right eyebrow lifts up in confusion. “Do you have a plan B?”

“Well… ” Jungkook pauses. “No, but we’ll work one out.” 

“Just no more vents, please?” Jimin pleads, and Jungkook agrees. As if Jimin would let him go five feet near a vent ever again even if he didn’t agree. 

“Okay, no more vents. I promise.” (Jungkook crosses his third finger over his index finger behind his back. Just in case. You never know when going inside a vent is going to come in handy.) 

“You know, I was thinking… ” Jimin ponders, and Jungkook perks up, listening intently. “It’s weird that Yoongi’s not back- ” Jungkook put a finger up, silently telling Jimin to shut up for a bit. He peeks outside the door through the blinds, frowning. After almost zero thought or consideration, he flings the door open and steps outside. 

“Hey!” Jimin squeaks out. “You’re not fully healed yet, you shouldn’t walk-!” He follows Jungkook out the door. Outside, possibly the most brutal fight ever happened in the precinct is going on. And that’s saying something. They have some of the highest arrest records in Seoul. 

You would be surprised how violent teenaged girls can get when you take away their phones. 

Jimin can still feel that bald spot at the back of his head if he reaches back far enough. That patch of hair will never grow back, he thinks sadly. Curse Kim Yoona, that little delinquent. He should’ve just left her alone when he saw her drinking a can of beer on the sidewalk. 

Outside, Jin and Taehyung are currently engaged in the most intense screaming match Jungkook has ever seen. 

“- Well then, WHY would you be out here messing with the box then?!” The squawking noise comes from Seokjin. 

“MESSING WITH THE BOX? I did no such thing!” And the shrieking is Taehyung’s voice. 

“You’re clearly trying to steal the box straight in front of us, idiot!” Squawk. 

“I was just trying to get to my desk!” Shriek. 

“wHY would you go through this path to get to your desk?” Squawk. 

Jungkook waves his arms, walking in between the two feuding men, as if his body can block out the squawking and shrieking. It doesn’t, and the men continue to argue through Jungkook’s torso. 

“You’re trying to win the heist by being an idiot? That’s what you’re doing?” 

“An idiot-? - Jungkook get out of the way I’m going to commit murder- ”

“Seokjin,” Jungkook sighs. “Don’t murder him in a police station. If you must, you might as well do it in a dark alley or something.” Taehyung looks offended, but he doesn’t have enough time to get mad or berate him through Jungkook’s ongoing speech. 

“What’s going on? Is the box still here?” Jungkook asks. The box is sat still just about a meter next to him, which is slightly relieving and at the same time, disappointing. He thought some real drama had been going on. 

Hoseok and Namjoon are huddled in a corner, watching. A sigh leaves Namjoon’s lips, but nobody can tell whether the source of the sigh is from frustration or just one of Namjoon’s periodic i-can’t-believe-i-work-with-these-idiots sighs, which Jungkook is usually the recipient of. 

The captain and the exasperated officer step forward, about to enter the screaming match. Jimin also shuffles towards the huddle of police, craning his head to examine the box- which is still sitting untouched. But not for long, of course. 

Namjoon frowns, already suspicious of the other side and he slides over next to Taehyung, defending him. The very same way, Hoseok stands at Seokjin’s side, quietly displaying a rare case of loyalty. Seokjin preens over the box, but he can’t open it to see if the watch is still inside- the others would surely protest. 

And Jungkook and Jimin are just left awkwardly to the side, looking over the looming threat of the severe conflict going on. 

“Who has the key?” The Captain asks. 

And well, you know the rest. (Just scroll up, please. For efficiency’s sake there will be a slight time skip. Thank you for your cooperation!)  

 two minutes after the start of the screaming match ~

“Yoongles-!” Seokjin yelps at the sight of Yoongi bursting in. Yoongi looks seemingly confused; obviously some sort of distraction or act he’s played up to confuse the precinct- well, Jungkook will have none of that, thank you very much. 

“Okay,” He scowls. “We get it, Yoongi, you intellectual smuck.” Yoongi stares blankly at Jungkook, mouthing the words ‘intellectual smuck’ silently to himself. 

“What, suddenly you have the vocabulary skill of an actual adult?” Yoongi asks in his signature dry and emotionless tone. Jungkook should be offended, but he still hasn’t passed that vocabulary test from the second grade, so maybe he has a point. 

Even the Captain is staring warily at Yoongi. Namjoon and Taehyung are just straight up glaring at this point. Jimin is just confused. 

“I just came back from a Starbucks- I didn’t want to support capitalism, but nothing else was open this late- what are you guys doing?” Before anyone can answer his obvious lie, he notices the chair in the middle of the room. “Oh hey,” He says, the expression on his face lifting up a little. “Are you guys done already?” 

Six heads slowly turn to the middle of the precinct to the chair that Jungkook had dragged out just half an hour ago. It’s empty, with just a light coating of dust left on the surface of the seat. The six heads turn back to Yoongi with knowing glances and pointed glares. 

He lifts one hand- the hand not holding the starbucks paper cup in surrender. 

“Wasn’t me.” He said, unconcerned. “Why would I bother stealing it?” But his hand clutching the coffee cup is placed weirdly, like he grabbed it hastily in the dark. And, Jungkook notices Yoongi's left knee is weirdly pressed against the second drawer in his desk. 

Jungkook’s eyes narrow. 

“Then if you didn’t steal it,” Yoongi rolls his eyes in irritation when he hears the word ‘steal’. “What’s in that second drawer, Yoongles?” Yoongi halts. After an odd moment of hesitation, he sets down his coffee. He swallows down nothing, gulping while darting his eyes around. His cheeks turn rosy, which is unsettling to see on his pale as white face. 

Min Yoongi is nervous, which is a sight Jungkook never thought he would live to see. 

Strangely enough, he exchanges a brief look to Jimin before stuttering out a response to Jungkook. “Ah- ” He blurts out. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing?” Namjoon barks out. “I take back the accusation I placed on Jungkook, then. Yoongi clearly orchestrated this whole thing.” Yoongi sputters out some noise of complaint. 

“Open the drawer, Min.” Hoseok commands, exercising his authority in a slightly (?) questionable way. However, nobody seems to be complaining. Nobody but Yoongi, of course. 

 “Hey!” He yells. “That's an infringement of privacy! You have no right to do so, even as my employer!” Hoseok, regrettably, has to commend his employee’s knowledge of rights and bylaws in the workplace. Jungkook curses. He only has two options to win the heist now, each just as unlikely feasible as the other. 

1.  Somehow manage to convince Yoongi to open his drawer, then grab onto the watch-box before anyone else gets a hold of it.

Highly unlikely that Yoongi will open his drawer in the first place; that man is the physical manifestation of the word stubborn. 

2.  Cause a distraction and break into Yoongi’s drawer. 

Quite unethical for a police officer to do in the first place. And also, he’d really prefer to come out of this heist alive. And Yoongi would definitely skin him alive if he went through his private stuff. So the best chance he’s got is to prod at option number one. 

Jungkook crosses his arms together. Beside him, Taehyung and Hoseok do the same. “There’s only one reason you wouldn’t open the damn drawer, sunbae.” He says. “It���s because you have the watch-box inside, isn’t it?” 

Seokjin nods in agreement. “You put up this whole front saying you want nothing to do with this and then dropping off to go get coffee so we wouldn’t suspect you!”

“How else can you explain all the lights suddenly turning off?”

“Must have been a freak power cut, I don’t know!”

“Also!” Jimin adds furiously. “You didn’t even get us anything from Starbucks! How could you? You know the pumpkin spice latte is only here until Halloween!” Which is the least of their worries right now, but Jimin’s remark is enough to make Yoongi flinch. 

“I’m telling you,” He insists, but his grip on the drawer hasn’t budged an inch. He’s nervous, but there’s a tiny proud or smug look in the corner of his eye. He definitely has the box. Jungkook’s now absolutely and completely sure of it. “I don’t have the stupid box thing!” 

“You lie.” Taehyung accuses, and Hoseok nods. He’s been strangely silent, although Jungkook supposes the Captain can’t very well get angry and begin reprimanding his officers for something like this. A secondary theory he has is that the Captain can’t afford to lose his steely-cool reputation, which would be upheld no matter what Hoseok does, but he doesn’t bother to point that out. 

“Hand over the box,” Jungkook says. “You can’t stay here all up until midnight.”

“I don’t have the goddamn box, for fuck’s sake-!” 

“Language. If the ‘goddamn box’ isn’t hidden in your desk, then what is in your drawer of mystery, Officer Min?”  

“Can a man not have his secrets?”

“Your secrets… are hidden in your office desk?” 

“... Never mind that, I heard Jungkook fell out of a vent again, what was that about?”

“He just can’t keep himself from falling out of vents.” 

“ONE TIME. - And you’re changing the subject! Stop it!”

Amidst the chaos unfolding, Namjoon stands in the corner, occasionally jumping in to jab a few words at a very infuriated Yoongi. When nobody is looking, the corner of Namjoon’s mouth tilts up in a smug, but subtle smirk. Nobody, not even his own ‘partner’ Taehyung is aware of the rectangular box containing someone’s certain watch in the second drawer of his desk. Now all he has to do is hold on to it until midnight. 

TO BE CONTINUED.

🎃 talk to the bangtan officers!  add yourself to the taglist!

TAGS; @extremeobsessions101​ @jksbbyfacebunny​ @dwcljh​ @stonyiscanon​ @bishuthot​ @s0seo​ @cecedrake2217​ 

[queenharumiura]

(When you casually remember you have another KHR blog that you can connect timelines with for the luls. This tiny brain rot hasn't left me so I thought to write a small thing for it. Readmore bc i'm shy.)

@belacedia​

-

With a small bird perched on her shoulder, Haru was led down the long halls by Kusakabe, who was quite used to escorting her to and fro on the behest of Hibari Kyouya, the Cloud Guardian of the Vongola.

Haru was showed into a room where Hibari was already sipping a warm cup of tea at. It never ceased to amaze her how this room in particular was filled to the brim with Japanese aesthetic. A traditional room fitting for a man who was somewhat old-fashioned.

She didn’t know what exactly she was called in here for, but she didn’t feel unnerved by his presence. Over the years, the two would interact with each other at random and one could say they’ve formed something akin to a friendship. At least, that was how Haru saw it.

Don’t get her wrong, it took an incredibly long amount of time to reach a stage where the two could enjoy a cup of tea together as Haru would speak on random inanities. The little bird, who Haru dubbed ‘Mi-chan,’ flew towards Hibari, perching on his outstretched finger. “Miura.” He greets her calmly.

“Hibari-san.” She greets back as she simply approaches, sitting down at the table where a cup of tea was already poured for her. “Can I ask why you’ve sent Mi-chan to me today?” Not bothering to waste time with the pleasantries, she cut right to the chase.

The warmth of the teacup felt comforting as her nerves were wound tight in anticipation. While there were many yellow feathered ‘minions’ under Hibari’s command, there was one in particular that Haru often interacted with, and it was due to the fact that Haru had found it injured one day and nursed it back to health before returning it to Hibari’s side.

Having grown attached to Haru, Hibari deemed it useful to allow this one lone bird to serve as a liaison between Haru and himself. It was quite rare when the bird that Haru has affectionately named ‘Mi-chan’ was used for any business other than spoiling the bird with treats, so being summoned the way she had today had Haru feeling nervous.

“A couple birds have reported something interesting. A certain Prince has been visiting you frequently.”

Haru almost dropped her tea in shock, but she managed to keep the cup in her hands by fumbling. She wasn't expecting to be having this conversation with Hibari of all people. “Hahi? They told you about that? Well- it’s not wrong…” She awkwardly fiddled with the cup in her hands. “… He’s been visiting me often.” At a certain point, she’d dare say he was just terrorizing her by getting on her nerves, but at large, it was mostly harmless.

She did ponder on this fact in her downtime, but it did seem like Belphegor’s frequent visits didn't go completely unnoticed. So far, it seemed that only Hibari knew about it (Or rather he was the only one to outright confront her about it).

Eyebrows raised in surprise, “You called me here just for that?” Her tone was incredulous as he never involved himself in her business as it wasn’t his place to do so. The two would talk on occasion and it was merely due to the fact that Haru put forth the effort to try to get along with all of the guardians, and that included Hibari. It was accurate to say that the both of them had come to a common agreement to simply accept each other’s existence and not bother the other.

It helped that Haru got along with the yellow avians, often looking after them if they wanted to rest after a long day of hard work. It only took one of the avians to speak well of her for the rest to understand that she was a ‘good person who can serve as a secondary food source.’

Not one to owe others favors, Hibari willingly associated with her on occasion. Luckily, Haru never asked too much of him, so they could interact with each other in peace. “What is he planning to do in Namimori that involves your cooperation?” His teacup now empty, she had his entire attention. Obviously, this conversation would not budge from this topic.

She blinks a few times before she chuckles quietly. “I don’t think anyone has plans to harm Namimori, Hibari-san. I understand the concern, but he can be agreeable if you’re willing to meet him halfway. He certainly is very lacking in sociability, but he’s doing his best… I think. Even though his reputation is what it is, he is able to be civil, so I don’t think you need to be concerned about his casual visits.” She has absolutely no intention of stating that Belphegor wouldn’t destroy Namimori if a mission was involved.

“You have a positive opinion of him.” Hibari notes, his piercing gaze picking every small movement of hers down as his mind then collates everything together to form a coherent but unorthodox thought. “Don’t get played.” A pointed comment that both would be able to understand.

Of course, he was referring to a certain 10th generation mafia boss. “Tsuna-san didn’t play around with me.” Haru hisses, instantly going on the defensive. Being played would suggest that he even looked in her direction to begin with—which he didn’t. Just like the lightning comes and goes with a sudden flash, her temper could leave as quickly as it came. “I don't think Bel is playing around with me. I feel he's being sincere. At the very least, he doesn’t force any expectations on me. He respects my ambitions more than some others we know, and I appreciate that. He’s surprisingly--- likable at times. Would I be stupid for thinking about him?” Who knew there'd come a day when Haru speaks about relationships with the  Hibari Kyouya?

The matter of relationships and feelings were foreign ground for the likes of Hibari, who much preferred to keep to himself, save for those he approves of. Just as she didn’t interfere with his business, he wouldn’t interfere with hers. If she could objectively deduce that she trusted the destructive Prince, that was her choice to make.

Surely, she wouldn’t continue the mistake of falling for yet another person who wouldn’t look her way. Then again, perhaps that wouldn’t be an issue, if Belphegor’s frequent visits were of any indication. It was also true to say that he hadn't received any reports of any significant property damage in Namimori immediately following Belphegor's casual visits, so it may be beneficial to relax his guard on the matter.

Steel cold eyes glanced at the woman across the table, noting the indecisive sheen in her eyes. The normally ambitious and self-assured woman had moments of hesitation, it seems. “It’s your choice to make. Don’t belittle yourself. Any damage to Namimori and it’s people will be met with force.”

"With force!" The yellow bird chimes in randomly, flapping its wings energetically. 

A small smile graces Haru’s features as she read between the lines, “Haru is being made into a convenient excuse for a fight, hm? At least give me a chance to fight for myself first.” In other words, should anything go wrong, the best person to have as an ally in Namimori was Hibari himself. There were some benefits to trying to befriend the guardians, wouldn’t you know? 

It was only a matter of time before others learned about what was going on, so it would be beneficial for all parties involved for her to make her decision quickly, lest she be bothered by a couple of worried nagging guys.

“I told you all this in confidence, you know? Of course, you wouldn’t go blabbing, right?”

“Your private life is of no business to the rest.” Living life without an annoying pest worrying about inanities was a day well spent, after all. 

“Hibari-san understands well.”

She thought it was a bit early to be considering anything in seriousness, but it never hurt to cover your bases. The moment Gokudera or Tsuna heard about Belphegor’s frequent visits, her life was going to be rife with annoyances. Hibari wouldn’t alert the others to what he’s noticed and he may feel it necessary to ensure the others are kept in the dark for the sake of peace and quiet.

The moment Tsunayoshi’s worries trickle down the ranks of the Vongola, Namimori’s peace would surely take the fall. Barring a Prince from doing whatever he wished to do? That reeked of property damage.

Really, it was nice having someone like him as a ‘friend’, sometimes. “Since I’m here, let me tell you about a recipe I’ve thought up recently. I think the birds would love it. It would be tasty and healthy for them.” 

"Hm. Give the recipe to Kusakabe."

“Roger that.”