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sporco-filth · 8 months ago

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Episode 1 - The Finale

This is the 'pilot' of that sitcom about slobs I described before.

Synopsis:

The finale of Tom’s favourite anime is airing, but a black out in the apartment complex risks ruining his plans. Kyle and Felix go to fix the problem but get locked in the basement. In order to watch his show (and save his friends) Tom must face his greatest nightmare: doing something.

[Kyle opens his door and sees Felix walking up the stairs, carrying a toolbox]

Kyle: Hey, Felix! Just the guy I wanted to see.

Felix: Yeah?

Kyle: You hungry? Fed and I are going out to grab a bite.

Felix: Sorry, Jess called. She has a leaky pipe that needs fixing.

Kyle: Boo. You’re no fun.

[He’s about to leave when an idea comes to mind]

Kyle: Actually… I have a bit of a plumbing job you could help with.

Felix: Really?

Kyle: Yeah. I need my pipes cleared. You think you can come round later tonight?

[Kyle gives a suggestive look. Felix scratches his chin]

Felix: I guess I could. What exactly is stuck in it?

Kyle: Cream.

Felix: OK? You can’t just flush it out yourself?

Kyle: I guess I could, but it’s really, really hard. And I don’t want to do it alone.

Felix: Can’t Fed help?

Kyle: I was thinking we could do it together.

Felix: Really? I’m sure it’d be an easy one man job.

[Kyle sighs]

Kyle: Boo. You’re no fun.

[He walks back inside and closes the door]

Felix: Huh? What do you mean?

[No response. Felix goes back to climbing the stairs.]

Felix (to himself): Clearing his pipes…? Oh…

[Realisation hits]

Felix: Heh that is kinda funny.

~Opening Credits~

[Kyle’s outside Tom’s door and knocks]

Kyle: Hey, Tommy! Open up!

Tom: It’s open.

[Kyle enters. We see Tom’s apartment. It’s dark, lit up only by the massive TV screen. Tom’s lying on the couch snacking on a bag of chips.]

Tom: [without looking up] What?

Kyle: Fed and I are going out for dinner. You wanna come?

Tom: Can’t. Got plans.

[He eats a chip and stares blankly at the TV.]

Kyle: What plans?

Tom: I’m watching Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu.

Kyle: Isn’t that that dumb anime about the mermaid guy who has like weird singing powers?

Tom: It’s not dumb! It’s a masterfully crafted show that explores themes of love and purpose while skillfully blending epic battle sequences with stunning musical numbers. The show’s been going on for 13 years, with 338 episodes, five feature-length films and a spin-off series. The final episode airs tonight at ten thirty and I refuse to miss a second.

Kyle: But it’s only seven. You can come to dinner and get back before it starts.

Tom: Yeah, but they’re also showing a marathon of all the fan-favourite episodes before it and I want to watch that too.

Kyle: Suit yourself.

[Kyle leaves and heads across the hall to his place. Fed’s in the kitchen snacking.]

Kyle: Tom’s not coming.

Fed: Why not?

Kyle: Some stupid anime thing.

Fed: Oh! I completely forgot! Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu has its finale tonight. It’s the end of an era…

[Kyle rolls his eyes, then notices Fed eating.]

Kyle: Aren’t you going to ruin your appetite?

[Kyle scratches his bum.]

Fed: No, I’m warming up. I need to get my stomach ready to eat by starting with something light before it can digest a full meal. [He eats another handful and talks with his mouth full.] Did you ask Felix?

Fed: Yeah, but he said he’s got some dumb plumbing thing to do. I guess it’s just us.

[We cut to Felix who does something, the building completely blacks out.]

Kyle: What was that?

Fed: It’s a blackout!

Tom: [from offstage] THE ELECTRICITY! WHO TURNED OFF THE POWER!? WHAT HAPPENED!?

[A loud fumbling is heard and a crash.]

Tom: Oww…

[Kyle and Fed open the door. They shine a torch from their phone and find Tom lying on the floor.]

Fed: You OK?

Tom: I’m fine. I tripped running out the door.

Kyle: You? Running? This is serious.

Tom: Of course it is! Life without electricity isn’t worth living! Everything I love needs electricity: internet, video games, microwaved food, TV. And I’ll miss Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu! Wait, maybe I can livestream it from my phone…

[He opens his phone.]

Tom: OK, the wifi’s out, but I’ve got data still…

[The light from his phone goes black.]

Kyle: What happened?

Tom: It ran out of power.

Fed: That quickly?

Tom: Well, I meant to charge it this morning… but I couldn��t be arsed...

Kyle: That sounds more like our Tommy.

[Felix comes down the stairs using his phone as a torch.]

Felix: Hey, sorry about that guys…

Kyle: What do you mean?

Felix: I think it might’ve been my fault: Jess asked me to fix a leaky pipe and uh… well some water got on her hairdryer and there was a lot of scary sparks and stuff then it all went black.

Tom: What?! So it’s your fault I’ll miss the last ep of MSBT?

Felix: MS-what?

Fed: Magical Siren Boy Tsugiharu.

Felix: That’s tonight? Wow, I thought that show would never end.

Kyle: Am I the only one who doesn’t watch anime here?

Tom: Yes. [He turns to Felix] You have to fix this now! I can’t miss the finale.

Felix: All right, all right. I said I was sorry and I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry. The lights’ll be back on in no time.

Kyle: We better go talk to Bob. He should know what to do. Hopefully we can get it done quickly; I’d hate to see what Fed’ll do if the food in the fridge goes off.

Fed: Wait… the fridge!

[Fed runs back inside.]

Kyle: Me and my big mouth… [He turns to Felix and Tom] Well, you guys coming?

Felix: It was my fault after all; the least I can do is help fix things.

Tom: I’m too tired from trying to run before, you two go on without me.

[Tom slumps onto the ground.]

Kyle: I guess it’s just us two then. Let’s go.

[The scene changes to outside Bob’s room. Kyle knocks on the door.]

Kyle: Hey! Bob! Open up!

[A lot of rumbling is heard. The door eventually opens to show Bob, looking grumpy.]

Bob: Don’t tell me: you two are responsible for the blackout.

Kyle: No… just Felix.

Bob: I’ve had it up to here with you guys running to me whenever something goes bust here. It’s your mess, you clean it up this time.

Kyle: Bob, you know as well as I do that Felix doesn’t clean up anything, let alone his own messes.

Felix: Hey! I… yeah, that’s actually not wrong…

Bob: Here [he pulls out a ring of keys]: go down to the basement and you can find the circuit breaker. It’s probably just a matter of flicking a switch or something.

Felix: Which switch?

[Bob slams the door.]

Kyle: (Sigh). Let’s get this over with. Tom’s probably having a fit by now.

[Scene shifts back to the hallway. Tom’s fallen asleep on the ground.]

[Back in Fed’s kitchen, Fed opens the fridge.]

Fed: All right. Operation Save Food From Spoiling is go. I guess we’ll start with the cold meats…

[He grabs a pack of prosciutto and dangles a slice down into his gullet.]

[Outside the basement door, Felix is trying out the keys. Finally he gets the one that works.]

Felix: Got it!

[He opens the door to reveal the basement, which is filled with broken appliances and old boxes.]

Felix: Now, where’s this circuit breaker…

[They shine their torches around… maybe some funny quips happen.]

Kyle: Found it!

[The guys go over to it.]

Felix: It’s locked. I bet the key’s with the others.

[The door slams shut.]

Felix: Ah, Kyle.

Kyle: Yeah?

Felix: Have you got the keyring?

Kyle: No, I thought you had it.

Felix: Well I don’t.

[Felix goes to open the door but it’s locked.]

Kyle: Ok… This isn’t good.

Felix: Don’t worry, we can call Fed.

[He pulls out his phone.]

Kyle: It’s not just the door. It’s not good because I can feel a fart coming.

[Felix’s face falls.]

Felix: Oh no… please Kyle I beg you, hold on!

Kyle: You’ve got like a minute.

[He rings Fed.]

[The scene returns to the kitchen, Fed is now eating the last slice of a cheesecake. His phone rings and he picks it up.]

Fed: Yeah?

Felix (through the phone): Fed! You’ve got to come downstairs to the basement. We got ourselves locked in.

Kyle (through the phone, yelling): YOU got us locked in!

Felix: Yeah, anyway. We need you to open the door; the keys are in the lock. Please hurry! Kyle’s holding back a lot of gas.

Fed: I’ll be right there!

[He hangs up and tries to stand, but clutches his belly, flopping back down.]

Fed: Ooh… I’m not feeling too good…

[His stomach gurgles loudly.]

Maybe I can get Tom to go…

[He drags himself to the door, which is still open, and yells out.]

Fed: Tom! Tom!

[Tom snores. Fed throws the slice of cheesecake at him that he was still holding. Tom wakes up with a start.]

Tom: Huh? What was that for?

Fed: Felix and Kyle got locked in the basement and I’m not in any state to be climbing stairs. I need you to go down and open the door for them.

Tom: I ain’t going down there. Not without the elevator. Do you know how many steps that is?

Fed: You have to! Kyle’s got a massive fart brewing. Felix hasn’t built up a tolerance to Kyle’s gas like I have; he’ll suffocate!

Tom: I don’t care. Let him suffocate. I’m not walking down those stairs. I already ran today.

Fed: You ran like ten steps.

Tom: That’s ten more than I’ve run in the past five years.

[Fed tries to move closer, but his stomach gurgles and he stops, clutching it in pain.]

Fed: Please… if you don’t go… then you won’t be able to watch MSBT.

[Tom sits up straight.]

Tom: Argh, you’re right… For Tsugihara, I shall do it.

[Felix hands him his phone.]

Fed: It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.

[Tom stands up and wields the phone above his head, the torch light on.]

Tom: With the power of the Seven Seas flowing through me, I shall banish the darkness!

[Tom slowly walks down the stairs.]

Fed: You could go a little faster…

[Back in the basement. Kyle is straining.]

Felix: Please, hold it in!

Kyle: I don’t know if I can do it (grunt). This one feels pretty strong.

Felix: You must!

[Tom on the stairs, slowly going down. He pauses to catch his breath.]

Tom: Whew… I don’t know if I can do it… it’s so many steps.

Fed (from upstairs): You’ve only gone down half a floor.

Tom: I could do without the running commentary, thank you!

[In the basement. Kyle is sweating.]

Kyle: I’m sorry Felix… Ahhhhh…

[He relaxes and farts. It’s long and loud. Felix covers his mouth with his top.]

Felix: GAH! HELP! HELP!

[The door opens and Tom appears. He immediately covers his mouth.]

Tom: Ugh! I come all this way to save you and this is how you repay me?

Felix: Tom! My saviour!

[He grabs Tom into a hug. Tom pushes him off.]

Tom: OK, OK. That’s enough. I did this for Tsugihara, not you. Here: I believe you lost these?

[He hands out the keys. Kyle takes them.]

Kyle: I’ll take it from here. You guys should head up to get some fresh air.

Felix: I’m not sure my nose will recover from this…

[Tom and Felix leave the room. Kyle goes to the circuit breaker and opens it.]

Kyle: Let’s see…

[He flicks a switch and, after a bit of a sluggish start, the lights flicker back on.]

[Back upstairs, Fed, still eating, sees the lights turn on.]

Fed: They did it! Yes!

[He jumps up but immediately regrets it and clutches his stomach.]

Fed: Oooh…

[Soon after, the guys enter the room.]

Felix: I’m sorry again for all the trouble I caused, but I guess it’s all fixed now.

Tom: And not a moment too soon. I’ve got a finale to watch, see ya.

[Tom leaves. Kyle notices Fed’s discomfort.]

Kyle: You alright there?

Fed (not alright): Yep. Just a bit of a stomach ache… I ate too much too fast… And it’s like the UN down there: I don’t think that leftover Chinese is getting along with the Indian curry.

[His stomach gurgles ominously.]

Fed: Uh oh…

[All of a sudden, Fed releases a loud fart.]

Felix: No! Not again! Ack-urgh!

[He runs out of the room.]

Fed: Sorry Kyle…

Kyle: Heh, no stress. I’ll love you no matter how bad you stink. After all, you have to put up with my stenches, now it’s my turn to deal with the smell.

Fed: Aww, you’re so sweet.

Kyle: And anyway, [he gently rubs Fed’s gut while savouring the smell] you know that it kinda turns me on. How about we cancel dinner and have some fun at home?

Fed: I think that sounds wonderful. Also, I may have just eaten everything in the fridge…

[In Tom’s room, he’s now settled back on the couch and ready to watch TV.]

Tom: Ah, at long last…

[The MSBT theme music plays. Suddenly it stops.]

News host: We interrupt this broadcast for a breaking news bulletin.

Tom: No! Don’t interrupt!

News host: His Excellency the Honourable Sir Arthur Vandeleigh, former Governor-General of Australia, has died peacefully in his sleep.

Tom: Come on, come on…

TV host: We have a three-hour obituary scheduled in honour of this great man who valiantly served his country.

Narrator: Though he may have inhabited the role for only three months, Arthur Vandeleigh’s tenure as Governor-General was…

Tom: NOOOOOO!

~End Credits~

#slob #farting #my writing #For those who don't know the governor-general is like the head of state in Australia #Technically the monarch is head of state and the GG just represents them but i think it's actually a bit murky #essentially though literally no one cares about them because they do nothing important #except for that one time the gg dismissed Gough Whitlam (this was bad)#this ending was inspired by the time prince phillip died and this obituary stuff interrupted the episode of Vera I was watching #Also Tom watches dubs because he's too lazy to read subtitles #Kevin is appalled by this because he's the type who likes to enjoy things 'properly'#Tom's Japanese btw but can't speak the language well. His name is actually Tomiaki.#Fed (Federico) is Italian. His surname is Mangiabene. the puns here are perhaps a tad too obvious #Kyle's just an anglo. kinda bogan #I don't know about Felix though; he's whatever you want #Also the show in the show is surprisingly similar to 'Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch'#I have never seen it though and only found out about it after i made Magical Siren Boy Tsugihara #That name was mostly thanks to a random name generator for anime names #it's unrelated to this blog's 'theme' but I kinda have a thing for mermaids/mermen #why not toss that in too? I thought #and so i did and it eventually becomes a bit of a running gag and a plot point

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vorakh · 1 year ago

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love these posts like prank the italians!! (shows utter disrespect for literature, or language, or food) because that's like a perfect block list for me 🤍

#'microaggression on the italians lol' 'suck it up italians' you are so funny blocked blocked blocked blocked (:#i once read a comment on luca‚ yes the child movie‚ that was like i wish all italians died #in my online experience i don't want to see idiots who think they are funny #idk it's random but i saw a post and was annoyed #it's personal tag again

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whyamiawakes · 23 days ago

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My mum just turned to me and asked me why montagne verdi is the Bayern anthem and I had to tell her I have no idea about why this club is so weird

#this is what happens when that woman starts reading random articles on the news #apparently 8000 German people were singing a random Italian song in a match between two German teams #and that is apparently newsworthy for the sports pages

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fazcinatingblog · 1 year ago

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Big thanks to the stars for a great season, once they got over their one mcg game against scorchies, they were on the road, travelling from place to place by all means of transport, Maxi and his travelling circus of misfit freaks, until they hit the wall by returning to Melbourne, going their separate ways to the hotel and

#cricket #maybe they should've continued the travel #another random road trip from Albury to Sydney #quick jaunt to Torquay between games #followed each other around at the Melbourne hotel as if they were travelling #catch the tram together to get a coffee #piling into maxi's clown car and popping out one by one to bowl an over #driving up to the scg test to pick up Scott Boland #dialling Haris rauf from the car phone #plotting where to dump Corey rocchiccioli's body after he dies from pasta overdose #'this is why we can't be too Italian!!!' maxi stormed after finding Corey covered in tomatoes #crushed tomatoes pouring out of him like blood #standing next to Corey's grave that reads 'cause of death: cooked too much pasta'#'maybe he shouldn't have drained the water from the pasta' Sam Harper comments

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zabahronz · 1 year ago

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Anno nuovo, nuovi propositi e un mondo che va piano piano a inclinarsi. Che questo mio primo post mi sia di buon auspicio per un progetto che mi aiuta a mettere in chiaro i miei pensieri e le mie emozioni. Semplicemente perché mi sono resa conto che, in un mondo che sembra andare sempre più veloce, non ho mai preso in considerazione me stessa, presa dal cosa pensano gli altri di me e sul come devo comportarmi per non rimanere indietro. Ma da un lato non me ne faccio una colpa: in fondo un po' tutti tra covid, situazioni geo-politiche spinose e problemi di natura economica (o anche solo relazionale) non ci siamo fermati a guardarci dentro e capirci veramente.

#random #long reads #blog #personal rant #italian #rant post #pensieri #opinion

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astonmartinii · 14 days ago

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wherever the roots may lead you | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x antonelli!reader

when one takes an ancestry test they don’t usually expect to find out that their half brother is now racing in formula one…

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by yourbff, user1 and 1,578 others

yourusername: the whole office decided to do an ancestry test - WHY IS MY HALF BROTHER KIMI ANTONELLI???

view all comments

user1: girl i follow you for your pasta recipes why am i expected to know who this man is

user2: he’s a formula one driver?

user3: he’s A BABY

user4: the way this did not answer a single question

yourbff: bro you’re italian, there’s probably hundreds of kimi antonellis

yourusername: no one asked you to be logical about this

yourbff: let’s just not claim a random 18-year-old without verifying it

yourusername: well in the short five minutes i’ve known of his existence i have googled him and all the dates line up

youbff: not to support this delusion but you two do look freakishly similar

user5: i fear my kimi stanship has led me to dark places

user6: for real why is this girl yapping

user7: idk how i got here but they do look like they could be related …

user8: if they are it’s still probably not the weirdest thing to happen in f1 this week

user9: someone needs to study the sport and as to why it’s so fucking weird

olliebearman: who are you and why have you stolen kimi’s face

yourusername: excuse me?

olliebearman: you are excused

yourusername: what?

olliebearman: you are claiming to be related to kimi but i happen to know everything ever about him sooooooooo where have you been all this time?

yourusername: well i kind of just found out about this so i don’t have an answer for you right now?

olliebearman: i’ve got my eye on you weirdo

yourusername: okay?

kimiantonelli: wait!!! ollie how did you even find this post it’s got like 2k likes?

yourusername: omg read?

olliebearman: well it just came up on my explore page?

yourusername: no the fuck it didn’t

olliebearman: EXCUSE ME MISS, KEEP YOUR BEAK OUT OF BEARNELLI BUSINESS

yourusername: you’re doing your business in my comment section?

user10: i swear these fools are meant to be at media day

user11: nothing stops for bearnelli chaos clearly

estebanocon: @olliebearman yo? we were meant to be filming like 20 minutes ago?

olliebearman: oh? i was busy

yourusername: busy getting on my nerves

olliebearman: WHO ARE YOU?

yourusername: you’re on MY INSTAGRAM PAGE

olliebearman: i am a child WATCH HOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT A CHILD

olliebearman: @charles_leclerc dad stop her now

charles_leclerc: why are you pinging me during the press conference

olliebearman: this is important !!!!

charles_leclerc: @yourusername oh hi

yourusername: hello ???

kimiantonelli

liked by olliebearman, charles_leclerc and 590,300 others

tagged: yourusername

kimiantonelli: i thought getting points on my debut would be the craziest part of my week but turns out i have a half sister i never knew about ??? watch your back paddock i don’t think you can handle TWO antonellis

view all comments

user12: wait so that trainwreck the other day was REAL?

user13: smile and wave girl i have no clue what’s going on

user14: we need a weekly episode of drive to survive at this point omg

yourusername: we haven’t even met yet

yourusername: i am very excited to

kimiantonelli: OF COURSE WE SHOULD BE EXCITED

kimiantonelli: i knew you were out there i could feel you in my waters

yourusername: i’m not sure you have waters? like anatomically?

kimiantonelli: well i knew you existed before your post so explain that atheist

yourusername: i’m just going to let you have this one i think…

kimiantonelli: that is VERY wise

user15: i am losing my mind over the fact that these kids are talking for the first time in instagram comments

user16: i honestly wouldn’t expect anything less from this crop of rookies

jackdoohan: please do not lump me in with this nonsense

kimiantonelli: so our family love is nonsense to you

yourusername: jack!!!! after everything …. i can’t believe this!

jackdoohan: we’ve never spoken before?

yourusername: well in my familial research i watched the rookie round table and you ranked highly to me… but i see

jackdoohan: wOAH PAUSE

jackdoohan: my apologies

kimiantonelli: they all come crawling back …

user17: what is actually happening?

user18: so like has anyone stalked this girl? who even is she?

olliebearman: y/n y/ln is a 26-year-old marketing manager who lives in london. she runs a pasta-themed instagram account to apparently page homage to her ‘italian heritage’. she has no kids and no boyfriend or girlfriend. by most accounts she doesn’t have many friends or hobbies or money?

kimiantonelli: that’s like… kinda hot?

yourusername: you do you i guess

yourusername: also like that’s such a rude write up on me ???

olliebearman: so you don’t think i’m hot

kimiantonelli: that’s SO rude y/n

yourusername: you’re EIGHTEEN??? and also have this weird tension with my brother… idk i’m not a therapist?

olliebearman: i’ll call my dad again

yourusername: oh the one from the other post? please! i think he’s the best thing i found on my f1 stalkfest

charles_leclerc: well well well, i’m charles

olliebearman: NO?

kimiantonelli: ollie you gotta let her have something!

olliebearman: but if she falls for his dorky charms that might make us incestuous ???

kimiantonelli: i don’t know what that word means

olliebearman: my dad, dating your sister?

kimiantonelli: @charles_leclerc you have to disown ollie now

charles_leclerc: okay, if i do that does that mean i can take y/n on a date

yourusername: DO IT NOW PLEASE

yourusername: woah! i mean, i’ll have to check my calendar

yourbff: she’s free, the lanky one was right, she doesn’t have many friends.

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, kimiantonelli and 1,209,457 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: lost a son and won a date. congrats on the promotion oscar!

view all comments

user19: we are moving so fucking fast

user20: well it’s on theme…

user21: well we need to go from rb19 to that fucking aston martin

yourusername: as far as first dates go … well i didn’t think we’d be babysitting a 23-year-old

charles_leclerc: he’s fragile right now

yourusername: and he needed his emotional support not-boyfriend there as well?

yourusername: and that emotional support not-boyfriend needed to bring his friend who brought his maybe-boyfriend who brought his ‘surrogate brother’ which is MY BROTHER?

charles_leclerc: i’m sorry?

yourusername: i’m starting to think attachment issues and homosexual tension is just part of the job description to work in formula one

alexalbon: i don’t think you’re wrong on that

charles_leclerc: honestly i did plan for just a romantic dinner but things came up!

oscarpiastri: well i’m kind of sorry for crashing your date but as previously stated i was in a crisis…

yourusername: you did cry… but i thought that was just to get charles to get you dessert?

oscarpiastri: you can’t prove that…

oscarpiastri: ALSO why are you just coming for me when the others crashed and without a good reason like me?

yourusername: true ….

landonorris: i was taken by oscar !!!!! not my fault

yourusername: you made me move from my seat across from charles because you didn’t ‘like the lighting’?

landonorris: well that was very kind of you

charles_leclerc: you basically sat on her until she moved

landonorris: well maybe you should have stood up for your date!

georgerussell63: considering how badly lando is digging his grave, i’ll just say sorry and that i wasn’t completely aware it was a date

yourusername: how was it not very obvious? we were at a CANDLE LIT DINNER WITH A TWO PERSON TABLE YOU DRAGGED OVER A TABLE TO SIT WITH US

alexalbon: in our defence we were only going to escort kimi there but the curiosity got too much…

yourusername: are you just attaching to kimi because i’m not going to get annoyed at him

alexalbon: …….. um no?

kimiantonelli: y/n he brought me dessert and a funky little drink - MARRY HIM

yourusername: that’s a little fast buddy

charles_leclerc: so you wouldn’t marry me?

yourusername: take me on another date, just me, and we’ll see

user22: she’s stronger than me i would’ve proposed right here right now

user23: nothing more 2025 than an instagram comment proposal

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, olliebearman and 23,091 others

tagged: kimiantonelli & charles_leclerc

yourusername: so who was going to tell me this f1 shit was this crazy?

view all comments

user24: actually thinking about it, this girl must be having such intense emotional whiplash

user25: legit because what do you mean like last week she didn’t know what f1 was but now she’s related to the best rated rookie and dating (?) charles leclerc

user26: when will these situations happen upon me

charles_leclerc: did i win you over this weekend?

yourusername: maybe?

charles_leclerc: maybe?

yourusername: okay, yeah

yourusername: but you could’ve let kimi through :/

charles_leclerc: that’s kinda not the game of the game

yourusername: but he’s my brother ?

charles_leclerc: you make a compelling point…

charles_leclerc: but, amor, i wouldn’t let my own brother overtake me

yourusername: i see…

yourusername: it was worth a try sorry kimi

kimiantonelli: fear not we can try again when he’s more in love with you

yourusername: for everyone’s information: i do genuinely like charles, this ^^ is a joke !!!!!!! i understand the sanctity of formula one and that no one would genuinely let another through based on such a situation

kimiantonelli: okay miss PR AND MARKETING

yourusername: oh buddy you should see my DMs, that was necessary

charles_leclerc: what ???

yourusername: babe your fans are great but like a good 5% of them are like genuinely insane, like 51/50 level

charles_leclerc: oh yeah… i’m sorry

yourusername: oh no worries i’d be just that crazy for you

charles_leclerc: you aren’t?

yourusername: i don’t need to be, i have you don’t i?

charles_leclerc: oh hehehehhehehehe, you do

user27: WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN

user28: i’m scared of her, but i need to be her

user29: you can’t be that good at making pasta and have rizz and date charles leclerc

user30: i fear y/n might actually be sniped, she’s a triple threat

oscarpiastri: do you see why i needed emotional support?

yourusername: well yes i get that now

yourusername: but please refrain from crashing dates in the future unless you have let us know promptly

oscarpiastri: i knew i’d get you on side, the leclerc family love me

oscarpiastri: @kimiantonelli watch out, i might overtake you next

kimiantonelli: i will slash your tyres, y/n will bail me out

yourusername: will i?

kimiantonelli: so you don’t love me?

olliebearman: I TOLD YOU SHE WAS NO GOOD

yourusername: first of all, ollie - i thought i’d managed to get you on side with my offering of pasta. second, i love you the most on the grid kimi, i just do not have the disposable cash of a formula one driver

kimiantonelli: fine, you make a point

kimiantonelli: @charles_leclerc looks like it’s down to you now.

kimiantonelli: and you’d do anything for my sister, right?

charles_leclerc: ugh why are the rookies so crafty these days

yourusername: hmmmm?

charles_leclerc: YES I WOULD, FOR YOU

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, kimiantonelli and 1,894,500 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: follow wherever the roots may take you, because sometimes it might lead you to the best thing ever

view all comments

user31: i mean meeting your girlfriend through her doing an ancestry test to find out she’s related to your coworker is one hell of a meet cute i’ll give them that

user32: ‘wherever the roots may take you’ okay mr leclerc when did we become a poet

user33: let’s add it to the words of wisdom

user34: the ferrari garage WISHES they could be him

kimiantonelli: well, i am pleasantly surprised with how this all unfolded, you’re definitely the best choice on the grid

yourusername: awwwww kimi thanks !!!

charles_leclerc: thanks?

olliebearman: CHARLES IS THE BEST CHOICE ON THE GRID ????

kimiantonelli: you want to date my sister? i thought you liked another antonelli?

olliebearman: oh!

olliebearman: yes!

olliebearman: … another antonelli for sure

charles_leclerc: @yourusername do i say anything

yourusername: no i want to watch ollie suffer after he’s done nothing but come for me

charles_leclerc: okay, amor

user35: this is how all men should be

user36: AGREE WITH EVERYTHING I SAY

user37: so like… where do we find them because i fear there’s only two ferrari drivers and many of us

yourusername: well i am certainly glad i followed mine

charles_leclerc: led you right to me

yourusername: wouldn’t want to be anywhere else

charles_leclerc: hehehehehehe i guess i have that effect on people

yourusername: PEOPLE?

charles_leclerc: just you xxxxx

yourusername: that’s what i thought

charles_leclerc: speaking of you… when can you come to another race?

yourusername: i’m very sorry to say babe but i do have a job

charles_leclerc: NOOOOOOOOOOO

yourusername: i know :( i don’t dream of labour

charles_leclerc: what do you dream of?

yourusername: there’s this really sexy monegasque formula one driver who has an amazing accent and the cutest little dog. he’s super determined and sounds even sexier when he’s angry on the radio or celebrating a win. you might know him?

charles_leclerc: i might…

yourusername: well you should BACK OFF because he’s MINE

charles_leclerc: yes, yes he is

user38: so like … how do we get her on drive to survive

yourusername: oh you know netflix have been calling my phone

user39: LETS GOOOOOOO

yourusername: don’t celebrate too soon, because you won’t like me when i delete all the cute footage of charles, that’s for my eyes only

user40: i would want you dead, but also real

lewishamilton: ummmmm so when can you come back @yourusername he’s being pathetic again

yourusername: he’s always pathetic that’s what i love about him

lewishamilton: but it’s particularly bad now, he’s carrying a picture of you and leo (it’s VERY badly photoshopped)

charles_leclerc: hey! joris was busy i had to make it myself

yourusername: that’s cute bby don’t listen to him

charles_leclerc: yeah leave me alone lewis

lewishamilton: what the hell, sure

fin.

note: if you couldn't tell i'm a big kimi stan LMAO

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fanfic

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louiseyesinsky · 2 years ago

Text

#i hate knowing who wrote i fic #i mean random fic i find #cause if i know the author i cant read it anymore #i associate the fic to them to their ideas #it's what is happing rn #help want really read this new italian fic #but the author 🤢🤢#a*

0 notes

sayitaliano · 1 year ago

Photo

There's an (well, actually a bunch, but still) Italian version too

quelque chose que j'ai trouvé sur reddit

#french #italian #it #languages #random #fun stuff #funny post #reading #il ptoso gituso da sempre nel mio cuor<3

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cuteandhughesy · 1 month ago

Text

Met You At The Right Time, This Is What It Feels Like | Quinn Hughes

summary: falling in love with quinn through your shared years at college (umich!quinn x reader)

[word count] 3.3k

a/n: based off this request! this was so fucking fun and cute to write and now I want quinn as my boyfriend ! so hope you all feel the same

🎵 feels like by gracie abrams

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

ღ bf! quinn hughes who you first met at the rink. one of your good friends was dating another one of the wolverines and asked you to accompany her to his game.

quinn had spotted you during the warm-ups. your smile wide and amused as you watched all the athletes warm up in their own routines. you were joking with chloe—your friend—while her boyfriend tossed you both pucks over the glass. quinn almost passed out when you glanced his way—sending him a sweet, reserved grin. he forced himself to smile back, and when that made you blush and look away, quinn knew that he had to know you.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who asked his teammate about you as soon as the game finished—a victory for the wolverines, thankfully. he attempted to sound nonchalant and uninterested, but his teammate knew quinn too well. he wrapped quinn up in a firm, annoying side huge and gave him a nugie, all while saying 'does huggy bear have a crush on y/n?'

quinn thought the name suited you perfectly. thankfully quinn doesn’t need to ask again before his teammate is getting your number from chloe.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who texted you the following night. at first you were confused—a random number sending you a message with no identification other than a simple 'hey, is this y/n?' curious and intrigued, you responded immediately; 'this is she. who's this?'

quinn's response was immediate, 'shit, sorry. it's quinn hughes.'

and of course that made you giggle into your palm, feet kicking like you're an oversized excited child. because quinn fucking hughes was texting you. quinn hughes, the cutie who sits two rows back from you in kinesiology class. quinn hughes who was stupid good at hockey and was looking at you during warmups the day before.

you don't even care how he got your number (he told you regardless though, obviously), all you cared about was him wanting to text you in the first place.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who after a week and a million shared text messages later, you run into at a local coffee shop—where you merely miss spilling your entire iced chai down the front of his light coloured hockey hoodie.

he freezes and stutters at the sight of your flushed face, and his nerves only build when he sees that you're not nervous to talk to him. quinn quickly realizes he has some sort of infatuation with you, and before he can sike himself out he asks you on a date.

quinn asks in the middle of your scentence, but you don't even care. he's cute—he's dorky. 'would you wanna get dinner together sometime? like maybe thursday, if you're free?'

you are so free.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who picks you up at your dorm room before your first date. he lives off campus with his friends, and he borrowed his roommates car to come and get you. he brings you flowers—which you put in an empty orange juice bottle that you filled with water—and hugs you at the door. it’s kinda awkward and so perfectly quinn.

he lets his hand hover your lower back as you walk to the car, and of course he opens the door for you. quinn lets you play your music in the car, and he lets you talk his ear off—he can’t help but admire how comfortable you are around him. he thinks you’re like sunshine.

quinn takes you to a local italian restaurant, where you order chicken alfredo and he orders spaghetti bolognese. the conversation flows between you easily, and by the time desert rolls around, you’re sharing a lava cake—your respective spoons swiping at each others while playfully fighting for the same bites.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who after bringing you back to your dorm, grabs your wrist before you can walk in. your roommate isn’t home yet, and you can smell the peonies quinn brought that you left in the jug by the door.

you blink at him curiously, because you’ve already shared your pleasant goodbyes and made plans to see each other again. ‘you okay?’

quinn’s palm is sweaty where it wraps around you. he’s nervous, and he swallows roughly—eyes darting around your blushing face like he can’t get enough. ‘can I kiss you?’

your answer is pushing up to your toes and wrapping you arms around his neck. that’s when quinn leans down, kissing you timidly but also firmly. he’s never felt lips softer than yours, and you’ve never had a kiss turn your stomach inside out the way quinn’s did.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who asks you on a second date, and then a third, and then a fourth. each date is accompanied by a kiss, and another kiss—until all it feels like you’re doing is giggling and kissing like teenagers.

he’s a gentleman, and never makes advances that you aren’t comfortable with. quinn brings you to the beach for sunsets, kissing you under the glow of the setting sun. he takes you to the movies and to a local pottery class—sneaking kisses anytime your eyes meet.

he asks you to be his girlfriend on your fourth date while you’re both still in the car, hands twitching against his pants nervously. you’ve never smiled bigger, and you squeal in excitement, leaning over the centre console and kissing him.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who has never had a serious girlfriend before, only stupid month or so situationships and meaningless hookups. so now that he’s got you, an actual girlfriend, he’s enamoured by all the little ‘girlfriend’ things you do.

quinn goes feral when you wear his clothes. the sight of you waking up in his cozy bed, blinking tiredly while his shirt rides up your body, revealing your underwear…quinn just about dies.

you cook dinner for him, and you always tickle his back when he’s falling asleep. you want to watch all his favourite movies, and you want to learn about hockey—which leads to him teaching you how to skate, where you inevitably fall and bring him down with you.

you’re the perfect girlfriend. and even though quinn stresses he doesn’t need you to fold his laundry or pick up his shampoo when you notice he’s out, he appreciates it more than he could ever express.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who always is getting you flowers. whether it’s a pre-made bouquet from the grocery store, an arrangement he picked out at the florist, or a bunch of wild flowers from the park beside his house, quinn is giving you flowers.

when he’s at the grocery store he always picks up your favourite ben & jerry’s ice cream, as well as your favourite drink. quinn always makes sure you have water before he gets in bed himself, because you’ll be upset if you don’t, and he lets you tuck your feet under his legs because they’re always cold.

quinn is the sweetest boy you’ve ever known and he is constantly making sure you’re content before anything else.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who takes your virginity. you’ve only had one boyfriend and that was back in highschool—the farthest you’d gone with him was kissing and a little groping. when you tell quinn that you’re a virgin, he’s a little nervous—especially because he’s already hovering over you, painfully hard while your bare tits are starring at him. the only reason he’s nervous is because he wants you to be comfortable and sure. he wants it to be perfect for you.

but when you assure him in a breathy whisper, your small nimble fingers reaching out and squeezing his dick, quinn can’t hold himself back any longer. he fucks you soft and sweet, bucking into you at a pace that has your breath hitching. quinn checks on you through the whole thing, scattering kisses along your face and neck while you’re moaning in pleasure.

it’s perfect for you, and that makes it perfect for quinn.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who plays a little extra hard when you’re in the crowd. there’s something so special about having you watching him in the stands during his games, cheering him on and jumping up and down with excitement. quinn swears he can hear you over the crowd, and that always pushes him a little bit more.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who always makes sure to comfort you when you’re stressed—and vice versa.

you often get overwhelmed with your school work. you’re very smart and have a jam packed schedule, and a lot of the time if you want to spend time with quinn, you’re bringing your textbooks and laptop so you can get some work done. quinn hates the way you sigh shakily when you reach a difficult question. you’re tired and done with school, and most of the time it makes you emotional.

when you begin to cry quinn darts to you, wrapping you in a hug while you sob into his shoulder. he rubs your back soothingly, squeezing your arms and sides comfortingly. he whispers words of reassurance in your ear until you’ve calmed down, and when you inevitably get back to work, quinn helps you. even though he has no fucking clue what you’re working on, the effort makes you melt.

quinn is always the most stressed when he’s dealing with an injury or illness—because that puts a pause on hockey. you know how much hockey means to your boyfriend, and seeing him so broken about not being able to play just wrecks you. in times like that, it’s the little things you do that help quinn feel better.

making him food and making sure he’s stocked up on drinks and getting his electrolytes. massaging his shoulders and giving him head scratches. if he’s injured you make sure he’s got everything in reach so he doesn’t have to move, and if he’s sick you make sure you’re in reach, because all quinn ever wants is you.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who isn’t a huge party guy. he prefers staying in—watching movies and hockey highlights until he’s falling asleep, preferably with you tucked into his side.

you’ve always been more outgoing than quinn, and mingling is one of your favourite things to do. so every now and then when you go out, quinn joins you. he loves watching you in your element—dancing with your friends and talking to anyone who will listen. and when you’re wrapping yourself around quinn, blinking and pouting up at him all pretty asking him to dance with you, quinn never declines.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who has a few lovey dovey nicknames for you—lovey being one of them. there’s a few more common terms of endearment like babe, baby and beautiful that often slip from his lips like second nature. they’re the safest ones, the nicknames he’ll call you around his friends and yours like it’s no big deal. but then there’s the nicknames he reserves for when it’s just you both—honey, his girly, and your personal favourite: lovey.

your nicknames for quinn are simple—usually just babe or baby. but on the odd occasion when everything feels really soft and intimate, you’ll can him bubba.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who’s love language is words of affirmation. he didn’t realize it until after he met you that it was his love language, but anytime you praise him or reassure him, quinn’s stomach swoops and his heart flutters excitedly. he’s obsessed with the way you speak to him, and he’ll never get tired of it.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who knows your love language is physical touch. you love being close to quinn. if you’re not sitting next to him, you’re sitting on him—trying to get as close as possible at any means necessary. you love wrapping your hands around his arm, and throwing your leg over his hips when you’re in bed together.

quinn can be a bit awkward when it comes to physical contact, especially in public, and you understand and respect that. so when you’re out together and he kisses your cheek or wraps you in a hug, it makes it just that much sweeter.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who may not always go out to parties with you, but will always drop you off and pick you up if you need a ride. it could be a local bar or a random sticky frat house, quinn will be there if you need him.

he’s the most patient human in the world. guiding you to the car while you babble about nonsense—completely hammered. quinn pulls over if you feel sick, even if you has to pull over 15 times in a 5 minute ride. he helps you shower if you’re sticky, and he puts you in pyjamas before you get in bed—no matter who’s place you’re at. quinn makes you chug water and take advil, and he makes sure you’re sleeping on your side incase you get sick.

and he doesn’t even mind doing it either. as long as you’re safe and okay, quinn will do whatever he needs to.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who says I love you first. you’ve been dating for 6 months, and spring is blooming in michigan. it’s the first really warm day of march, and he’s taken you to the pier for a afternoon date.

you walk the pier and have shitty boardwalk food—laughing, kissing and talking about anything and everything. dates like this are always your favourite. just you, quinn and the comforting atmosphere.

you had been mid talking about the book you were reading, a book that was making you angry because you claimed the plot was ‘stupid’. you were telling quinn about the main character, hands moving animatedly as you talked when quinn just said it.

‘I love you so much, y/n’ he said quitley. but you heard it, and your previous ramble comes to a halt. you blinked once, and then again, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. and then tears begin forming in your eyes, and quinn smiles. ‘don’t cry lovey’ he said, pulling you into his chest.

but of course you continue to cry, holding onto quinn like your life depended on it. and when you look up at him and say it back, lashes all wet and nose running, quinn thinks you’ve never looked prettier.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who has to be almost sneaky when it comes to having sex with you. you live in a dorm room with a roommate, and he lives in a house with four other teammates. quinn doesn’t have his own car, and neither do you. having sex is like trying to curate a spy mission.

you have to plan times you’ll be alone, which is usually in your dorm room between 5 p.m and 6:30 p.m while you’re roommate is in a clinical lab. that’s always the best sex with quinn because he doesn’t have to hold back. he holds you against the mattress with his body, and there’s a pillow shoved under your hips while he slips in from behind. quinn pounds you into the mattress until it’s creaks, and he has to cover your mouth to muffle your moans. after all, it’s still a dorm room and you have neighbours.

but there are times when you’re both too impatient and horny. his roommates are scattered through his house, half downstairs and the other only a room over. quinn’s simple and innocent kisses soon turn more heated, and before either of you can think logically, you’re exposing only the essentials so quinn can slip into your heat while he holds your legs open.

your moans are muffled with his lips, and he shoves a pillow between the wall and headboard to not give away what you’re doing.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who gets really stressed once scouts starts checking him out for the upcoming draft. you notice in the way his shoulders are tighter, and he starts to get a little distant.

of course it hurts your feelings, but you understand the pressure he’s feeling. so like the sweet girlfriend quinn knows you to be, you reassure him. you’re not too pushy, and you’re not overwhelming. you kiss him gently and whisper your confidence in him when it’s just the two of you, facing each other in bed—nothing but the moonlight illuminating you.

it helps him more than you’ll ever know.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who is a silent jealous type. he knows you’re social, and he also knows that guys love that. when you’re at parties and mingling your little heart out, lots of guys will try and make advances on you.

you ooze confidence, and your smile is so fucking pretty that quinn almost understands these guys. but you’re his girlfriend, and the sight of these boys trying to touch you and flirt with you makes his blood boil.

of course you don’t entertain them, but that doesn’t stop the jealousy that stirs within your boyfriend. you can always tell when quinn is feeling jealous because his body gets tense and he pouts like a little boy. it doesn’t matter where you are—could be the beach and strangers are checking out your body, or a grocery store and a man compliments your smile, quinn always has the same jealous reaction. and that’s no reaction at all expect that frown.

when you see it you’re instantly moving, wrapping yourself around quinn and giving his pulse point a little kiss. and when you murmur that you love him, quinn always cracks.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who even when you’re fighting, never raises his voice at you. it doesn’t matter how frustrated he is, or how pointless your argument is, quinn would never yell. most of the time is just makes you angrier, because why can’t he just put you in your place—especially when you know you’re being annoying and stupid. but quinn always just tries to problem solve in a calm, soothing voice.

but don’t worry, he puts you in your place in other ways ;)

ღ bf! quinn hughes who asks you to stay with him for a few weeks in the summer at the lake house before the draft.

if quinn wasn’t in love with you already, seeing you with his family would’ve had him falling. you always cook breakfast with ellen in the morning, the two of you giggling and chatting like you’ve known each other for ears. you go golfing with quinn and his dad, and even though you suck at it, jim has nothing but praise and encouragement for you.

jack and luke tease you like you’re their sister. they push you into the pool and steal your fries when you’re not looking, which always makes you laugh. you blend in with his family so well, quinn can’t do anything but smile and admire it all as it unfolds.

you sit with quinn during bonfires and movie nights on the couch, sharing quick kisses when you both think nobody is watching—news flash, somebody is always watching, which usually ends with his mom cooing or his brothers teasing. you and quinn both wake up a little extra early, stifling moans as quinn pushes into your heat in the uninterrupted hours of the morning. you swim like kids, go grocery shopping with his brothers, dance in the moonlight as taylor swift songs, make out on the boat when everyone else stays back. it’s perfect. its simply just you and quinn.

ღ bf! quinn hughes who you sit beside at the nhl draft. he’s nervous, your hand clutched in his clammy one while his thumb runs over your knuckles absentmindedly. just before the draft starts, you squeeze his hand three times, a silent I love you. and quinn squeezes back.

his name gets called and you feel like crying. he hugs his parents first, and then quinn turns to you, a smile on his face while your eyes begin to go misty. he kisses you, in front of the cameras and the crowd because he knows you’re going to be together for the rest of your lives, and the nhl might as well get used to you now, because you’re not going anywhere.

#🤍⊹˚₊ cute and hughesy fic #quinn hughes headcanons #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes fanfiction #quinn hughes x reader #quinn hughes blurb #quinn hughes smut #quinn hughes imagine #nhl headconons #nhl smut #nhl blurb #nhl imagine #nhl x reader #hockey headcanons #hockey smut #hockey imagine #hockey blurb #hockey x reader #quinn hughes

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winnie1emon · 3 months ago

Text

✧.* what happens when theodore nott encounters a sweet girl in the forbidden forest?

chaser!theodore nott x fawn!reader (fem pov)

word count: approx. 2.7k

c/w: MDNI!!, smut, sexual language, piv, unprotected sex, outdoor sex, fingering, creampie, one line of google translated italian (IM SORRY), chaser!theo is mostly for the intro, doesn't have significant impact on the plot

a/n: hi this was supposed to be a two-part story, but heh... thank you + sorry to everyone who was patient with me!! this is not proof read i fear꒰(˶◞ ‸ ◟˶)꒱ also also!! ive stopped procrastinating and set up my obx blog @rafesdearest <3

A large breeze entered the pitch, and the crowd cheered as Slytherin's seeker finally caught the golden snitch. Descending off his broomstick, Theodore wasted no time rummaging through the oncoming crowd to find the pitch's exit.

No, he didn't need heaps of Slytherin girls running their hands up and down his arm; no, he didn't need the glory from scoring 70 points for Slytherin; and no, he didn't need to hear the complaints of the opposing team. All he needed was a good fucking cigarette.

"For fucks sake," Theodore huffed, pushing through the rowdy waves of people, scowling as he caught a glimpse of a girl with one of his teammate's names written sloppily on her forehead.

With a final shoulder bump through the crowd, he found himself in the broom shed, tossing his broomstick carelessly inside and opting out of heading to the locker room for a quick change and shower.

He let out a large exhale, beginning to take large strides towards Hagrid's hut, ultimately nearing the Forbidden Forest. Contrary to popular belief, the Forbidden Forest wasn't all that scary; the woodsy smell filled Theodore's nostrils, making him scrunch his nose as the rainwater scent from earlier that day lingered.

Allowing the soft crunch of the leaves to take his attention away momentarily, he hadn't noticed the figure standing at his usual smoke spot, deep in the forest.

Fumbling with his pocket, his carton of cigarettes flew out, landing on the dirt with a soft thud. A frustrated groan escaped his lips as he took a few steps forward, reaching for the fallen pack as he saw another hand pick it up.

Startled, Theodore looked up, only to be met by what seemed to him the most random girl ever. He had never seen her before, despite her appearance suggesting that she was in his year, much to his surprise; he knew most of the people in Hogwarts-- a testament to his popularity.

"Thank you," he said, his voice laced with skepticism.

“You’re welcome,” you replied. “You just win?”

He was somewhat surprised that you knew, or even asked. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“You always come here after you have a game. When you lose you usually talk to yourself…” you trailed off, remembering the times you’d hear him cursing himself or his teammates under his breath whenever he lost. You idly gazed around the forest, eyes landing on a small flower by your feet. You crouched down to admire its pretty purple color.

As you did so, Theodore was still confused. “What? How do you know that?” he asked, his tone teetering over being curious and accusatory.

"Sorry, what?" you asked, missing his question as you were momentarily distracted.

Theodore rubbed his temple. Seriously? "I said, 'how do you know that?'"

"Oh! What- I'm always over there," you pointed out, your finger directing his eyes to a small pond about half a dozen yards away. "I come every day at the same time. Usually I start leaving once you arrive though." You stood back on your feet, taking his wrist as you airily led him there. "Here. The deer like to come usually, not anymore though."

You then realized you were just grabbing some guy's wrist without permission-- Theodore Nott's wrist. Letting go, you turned your head in the other direction as your face heated up.

Theodore raised a wry eyebrow as you dropped his wrists, averting your gaze from him before seeing the pretty area. "Why don't they come anymore?"

You had felt the color comfortably return to your face before saying, "There's just been a lot more litter lately. I don't think they like that."

He grimaced, unbeknownst to you, recalling all the cigarette butts he had casually dropped on the ground in the past few months. "Right..."

Unable to find anything else to talk about, you thought it was best to leave. "I'm going to head back."

You turned to leave, awkwardly stepping around a few of the stones on the ground before Theodore spoke. "So soon?" He looked at you teasingly, faint traces of arrogance on his face. "Thought we could get to know each other."

"Well I-- I told Hagrid I'd help him judge his new crop of pumpkins," you told him lamely.

"Mm. Sure."

His eyes followed you as you attempted to leave once more, weaving through the trees, eventually small enough to fade out of sight.

Cute.

--------------------------------------------------------

The following day, Theodore returned to the forest even though he didn't play a game that afternoon. He remembered you telling him that you would go there every day at the same time.

As he walked deeper into the woods, he spotted your form from afar, walking up to you as nonchalantly as possible.

"Hey."

You were currently tending to a few of the insects on the dirt, startled by his sudden greeting. Whipping your head around you saw him again-- Theodore and his gorgeous blue fucking eyes.

"Ah- Hi!" you exclaimed, giving him a large smile before quickly dropping it, subconsciously beating yourself up for being overenthusiastic. "There isn't a game today, what are you doing here?"

"Just you know, thought I'd come and get some fresh air. Didn't know you'd be here," he shrugged.

"I told you I come here at the same time every day," you told him, brows furrowed and lips quirking in a small smile.

"Forgot."

You were a bit suspicious at first, but he said it with such indifference that it simmered away.

This happened for the next few days; you'd constantly come to the forest, only to see Theodore already there, or him arriving shortly after. You both made conversation with each other and oddly enough, he was good company. Of course, you couldn't help but glance at his face for a moment too long from time to time, somewhat admiring his chiseled features or his captivating eyes. Sometimes you'd swear that his gaze would linger on you, tracing you from head to toe, but you swatted those thoughts away immediately.

The two of you grew much more comfortable with one another, even beginning to confide in one another about the teachers you didn’t particularly love or the embarrassing moments you guys had before locked away to never tell a soul.

About a week since your initial introductions, you went back to the pond as always, expecting Theodore to come soon after. Of course, what you weren't expecting, was to see a small herd of deer nearby. Your face melted into that of wonder, eyes glassy, having missed the deer during their disappearance.

Shortly after breaking out of your marveling trance, you noticed how most of the litter near the pond was gone. There were no cigarette butts, no chocolate frog boxes, and only one stray and empty bottle of butterbeer.

You heard someone approaching and by this point you knew it was Theodore. You scuttled over to him, interlocking your fingers before hastily dragging him over to the delightful sight.

“Look, look, look!”

He let you, allowing his body to be pulled by you, a quizzical smirk on his face. "Yes?"

“Theodore- look! The deer! They came back, the-“ you gabbed.

“I know,” he said gently.

“No, seriously! Theodore they’re back! There’s no more mess, so they came-,” you spoke incontinently before pausing. “You what?”

“I know.”

“Oh.” You were crestfallen for a moment, disappointed that you couldn’t have him share your excitement at the same time. “Did you already come here this morning?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Then how do you know?”

“I came here last night,” he said. You eyed him curiously, releasing your fingers from his before he spoke again. “I cleaned it myself.”

He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, like it was something he got done in a second.

“Huh?” you questioned, almost unbelieving.

“Come on, do I have to repeat everything for you sweetheart?” he simpered.

You were a bit daunted by his use of a nickname. Sure you two have gotten close over the past few days, but you didn't know you guys were that close...

"No sorry-," you apologized quickly. "It just sounded like you said you cleaned the whole thing yourself. But you wouldn't. I know you," you tried to tease, but his face , just moments ago coy and smug, was now unamused. Of course, you started to prattle as a last resort to not make things weird.

"Not that you're like lazy or anything! I meant that you just don't seem the type, -- er, you probably have better things to do with your time than clean and stuff."

The expression on his face was unreadable, and you could feel your soul wilting away with each passing moment.

"But if it was you then great! That's really, really great and uhm, kind of you!" You forced yourself to bring a finger up to your mouth to shut yourself up, a bead of sweat forming on your head.

Theodore leaned a bit closer, and he looked off. You couldn't tell if he was bothered or annoyed with you, or if he was just pulling your leg.

"You really don't get it, do you?"

Were you supposed to laugh...?

You opened your mouth, prepared to let out another incoherent string of apologies and nonsense, before you were interrupted by the feel of his breath on your face, followed by the soft landing of his lips onto yours.

It felt gentle, patient, almost like he was giving you the chance to pull away. But you didn't. He noticed, beginning to bring his hands to cup your face, and your hands found his hair, his tongue beginning seek entryway into your mouth and you granted it to him.

He became a little sloppy, his breathing ragged and his hands bringing your face impossibly close to his own. He got rougher, like he was was a man trapped and you were his first ray of sunlight in years. Somewhat overwhelmed, you brought your hands up to his shoulders, and he took it as a sign to pull away.

His hair had become mussed, his chest heaving up and down as he gasped for air.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized sheepishly as he gave you a gap of space. "I got too... too," he huffed, catching his breath.

"No, you didn't do anything," you reassured him. "Just needed to- to soak it all in."

He gazed at you, face flushed and his embarrassment slowly fading. You granted yourself the ability to let your eyes travel down, stopping at the very obvious tent in his pants.

The sound of your heart beating filled your head, excitement and arousal about to pour out of you. You closed the gap between you both once more, pulling him into another kiss. You savored the small sound of surprise he made, your hand roving down to cup his erection that was straining against the denim of his jeans.

You heard him groan, pushing you a few steps back to place your back against a large tree, hands snaking down to flip your skirt up. He fondled your ass, lips detaching from yours to scoff a smile.

"Not chilly in this?" he asked you, fingers tracing the delicate lace of your underwear.

"Wanted to look cute," you defended.

"For me?"

You looked like you had been hit with a confundus charm, but that moment was short lived as you felt him lower your underwear, the air hitting your exposed cunt.

You ran a finger against the straining denim, making him twitch slightly. He lightly rubbed over your pussy, your arousal coating his fingers. He slipped a finger in, another one quickly following.

Your knees buckled for a moment as he pumped his fingers in and out of your cunt, finding a quick pace. You dropped your hand from his erection, now using it to hold onto the tree from behind for support as you let out a string of moans and whimpers in his ear.

He curled his fingers, finding the spot that made your eyes roll back, watching you with the most impish look ever. You were so close to orgasming quickly, and right as you were, he pulled his fingers out, releasing multiple incoherent mewls from you.

"Così dannatamente carina." (So damn cute).

Before you could complain about your lost orgasm, he had discarded of his zip up sweater, pulled down his pants, freeing his erection from his boxers, and lined up his cock with your cunt. Theodore lifted one of your legs up, supporting it with his hand to spread your legs. He pushed inside slowly, your pussy time to adjust to his thick cock.

"Shit, you feel so good," he whispered by your ear.

Each thrust of his hips would pressure your back harder into the tree, but the pain was unacknowledged as you could only focus on the pleasure currently pumping in and out of you.

"T-Theo," you mewled, looking at him with wide eyes, maintaining eye contact.

"Hm?" he asked, using his hand that wasn't supporting your leg brush a stray eyelash off your cheek.

You wanted to speak, but instead let out a strangled whine, the erotic noises of his cock entering in and out of your sopping cunt growing louder. You bit down hard on your lip, immensely stimulated because your cunt was getting the stuffing it needed, but because of how gorgeous he was.

He was otherworldly, the beautiful scenery visible past his face, no doubt only complimenting his features. You stared so hard, to the point that your brain had gone fuzzy and your moans and whimpers slipped out more frequently.

Theodore was clearly sharing the same feeling, beginning to bury himself deeper into you, his hips slapping against your clit each time.

He peppered kisses all over your neck, sucking on your skin until it left marks. Soon, his movements grew frantic-- much more than it already was, and his groans were shaky.

"Fuck, I'm- I'm going to come inside you," he panted.

Your cunt clenched against his cock, much like how you clung onto his shoulders, desperately wanting him to get impossibly closer to you.

"P-please," you begged. "I'm so close. M' gonna come."

He moved his head away from your neck, a string of saliva connecting his lips to the fresh hickey left on there. Gently putting down your leg, he used both hands to now cup your face, staring into the eyes, both of your irises dilated, pure lust on display.

You couldn't hold back any longer, your legs shook, your vision went blurry, and your walls tightened around his cock as you came. He followed shortly after, and with a final thrust, he shot warm, thick ropes of cum into your pussy.

He pulled out shortly after, breathing heavily. The remnants of his leaked out of you as you pulled your underwear back up, patting down your skirt.

Theodore returned his boxers to fit around his waist, zipping up his jeans quickly.

You both stood for a while, unsure if the silence was comfortable or not.

"That was," he spoke first, face flushed and hair disheveled.

"That was good," you said, hopeful that he would agree.

"Yeah. Yeah, it was."

The sun seemed to die down, grey clouds coming in, and you took it as a sign to go. "Should we go back into the castle?"

Theodore nodded in agreement and you pushed yourself off the tree trunk, taking wobbly steps back before he grabbed your wrist from behind.

"Wait." He retrieved his neglected zip up from off the leaf-filled ground, holding it near you, signaling you to outstretch your hands. You did, and he slowly helped you wear the sweater, zipping it up before flipping the hood back to it's intended state. "It's cold."

It was an unusual gesture-- not that it was out of character for him. Just because it was so kind and light, almost as if he didn't fuck the thoughts out of your head just moments before.

You gave him a small smile, allowing his arm to drape over your shoulder as you both started your trek back to the castle.

―――――――――ʚ♡ɞ―――――――――

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