#quoting sunshine directly and myself not so directly

[wereflamingo-in-thai-dramaland]

@adorablesunshinefour : I find it funny that you went from seeing them as found family to not liking them together to yep they are boyfriends and their marriage is like tomorrow 😂

Me: Marriage is a type of found family!!!! 😉😉😉

[spockandawe]

You know what, I'm not happy about this either :T

Unless I'm t-boned by another reblog from someone huge, this likely won't reach as wide of an audience. And I regret that! Because either I presented myself badly or people are taking the wrong thing away from my words.

So, I strongly, STRONGLY believe in supporting writers. I also strongly believe in archival work and preservation of online media. I mentioned my own binding of the raksura patreon short stories earlier this year, hoping to manifest an official printing to buy, which.... folks, the implicit logical endpoint is that I went and expanded them all and saved them locally too.

It wasn't scraping, since I've seen that description being tossed around in the notes. My copy was manual copy and paste, because I don't respect my own time, and so was the other recent version. If you're going to rail against that, I guess you've successfully transported nft rage about right click + save as to a new medium.

Frankly, the patreon interface is a pain for this. Infinite scroll is part of the enshittification of the internet, this is a lot of text and posts, patreon isn't a powerful archival site, and it started choking horribly by the time I was halfway through. Now that I know people can still sign up (which i didn't, for years, that closed label is misleading), I still emphatically encourage them to do so and fight through the lag to read the stories.

I also quoted the thing where I said I owned all the books in three formats - physical, ebook, audiobook. Guess what copy I use for most rereads - that's right, none of them, because I was a dumb youth who didn't understand how awful kindle drm is and I can't word search in a paper book, so the secret fourth format is pirated ebooks, which I know amazon will never be able to yoink out of my grip. If I ever git gud at illumination and make a hand-illustrated compendium of the series, that's going to be my starting base, because there arent digital rights to lock me down to owning ACCESS to a copy of the book and not the copy of the book itself.

Now, the existence of pirated ebooks isn't all sunshine and roses. I've seen the talks about how new books IMMEDIATELY get pirated and shared and start cutting into an author's livelihood and future publishing prospects. I think it's incredibly important to support authors directly and in ways corporate marketing teams are able to observe. But especially in light of the Hollywood strikes, I'm sure many of us have seen posts about corporate entities playing shitty games with what they'll make available and withhold, and what they'll CHARGE versus what the customer has PURCHASED.

The only thing in the original post I take issue with is the reposting of something that was still available directly through the author. That has already been addressed. The originator is remorseful. I still understand if the patreon vanishes, to be clear. But i quietly made my own copy years ago BECAUSE i understand how easy it is for something like that to vanish, for much more arbitrary reasons. It could have been vanished because of site policy, patreon abruptly archiving all posts more than X years old. Online media is dangerously ephemeral.

I bind a lot of cnovel fan translations. So many amazing stories are getting licensed for translation - great! But it's also a massive extinction event for all the backbreaking translation work other fans have been sharing for years for free. And from that perspective it's a fucking TRAGEDY. I have... a Lot of files that I'm not sharing publicly. My goal is never to preempt or undermine the translators who did the actual work. But that hoard of files is still precious to me, because it takes about five seconds to delete a gdoc of translation, and there's not always warning to save a copy first.

Again, emphasis, my only issue here was the reposting. I'm not happy that it happened. I'm glad the files were quickly taken down, whether or not the patreon itself goes away. I'm glad op is remorseful for overstepping, and I can... mostly see how they didn't realize the problem, and mainly wanted to help more people experience a story they loved.

So it's also worth saying that I'm also not too stoked about the direction tags on that post were starting to go. 'Piracy is inexcusable, piracy is the death of--' STOP. I recognize that begging for nuance while tossing thoughts out onto social media is a losing game. But actually, I'm out of patience for black and white thinking happening on my post. Piracy is a valuable tool for archivists and a hazard to creators, which is why it should be practiced quietly and with deliberate care. It should be practiced in a way that attempts not to damage the creator's livelihood or take away control of their creations. That's where the misstep was here. OP understood they had misstepped and they were expressing remorse even before I got on my high horse, and it sure doesn't seem like the notes care about that, so! I'm done letting the outrage machine feed on it.

That's probably enough. I'm not saying anything I haven't said on here before. If you've ever grieved for a beloved fic missing from your ao3 bookmarks because it was deleted, you understand the basic archival urge. If you lost access to a favorite artist's extensive archives because the images were flagged in the 2018 boob ban, you should be able to understand. I manually saved 36,000 pictures in that brief grace period before I completely burned out. The fundamental impulse shouldn't be that hard to grasp. The rest is just responsible practices, and people fuck up sometimes. It sucks, but sometimes you don't recognize a boundary is there before you blunder right over it with the best of intentions. I think a lot of us have been there too.

Anyways, this is too much text, how boring to look at. Here's my remaining pictures of my own little anthology copy. Still manifesting an official release someday, or any books of the raksura material at all. Money will literally fly from my pocket to purchase it in every available format.

[no-devolucion]

Gina.

When a loved one dies, it's so common to hear of how kind, selfless and brilliant they are. It's so easy to say, despite it not always being true. But with Gina, all of that— and more— is true. She did light up every room she walked into with her infectious laugh and big smile. She did put everybody else before herself, she did have room in her heart for everybody she met. As I watched Gina's mum, brothers and dad talk about her today, I realised we all got the same version of her; whether the interaction was brief or lifelong.

I met Gina when I switched schools at 13, and I can honestly, wholeheartedly say that my first impression of her was that she was a good person. She didn't judge, she was genuinely interested in what everybody had to say, she didn't bicker or bitch. Because Gina loved everybody and we all loved her too. And we still do— my friends from school and I have banded together, some of us talking again for the first time in years, because we love our friend.

When I found out Gina died, I was sitting on a bench, on my lunch break at work. It was sunny, and I remember that because I cowered away from both the sun and any prying eyes. When I got the initial message, it didn't even sink in that it was her my friend was talking about. I wracked my brain for every older person I knew, wondering who the fuck was dead and why I was being told with such urgency and panic. When it finally hit me that we were talking about Gina, I screamed, in public, and hyperventilated. I didn't go back into work that day, instead wandering around falling in and out of very public and very visible panic attacks, too scared to get on a bus and go home, a lot like the person I was when I met her. Most of that day is a blur to me now.

Today, I went back to that same bench to watch a livestream of the funeral. It was raining, which typically would have been fitting had Gina not been the embodiment of sunshine. I wore a yellow and purple bracelet, the colours of the funeral dress code, with her initial on. I listened to monologues from family and a version of Hallelujah sung by mutual school friends. For the most part, I couldn't watch, often finding myself staring at nothing, trying to make sense of why a 25 year old should be dead. It doesn't make sense and I don't think it ever will. Let me be clear: this was a tragedy.

Gina, I have always hugely credited you in how I became the person I am today. Ever evolving, but I'd like to think morally sound. I had such a big problem with God and religion among other things when we first crossed paths. I was so angry. I thought every religious person was a bad person. But you were the embodiment of good and your faith knew no bounds. Not only did you never judge, but you embraced me. Through you, I learned that stark differences can, and should co-exist. I learned that there is joy to be found in small, mundane things. I learned that a creative path should always, always be followed, as should worldly aventures. I learned that we are all the same.

It's hard to think of a way to end this because how the fuck do you say goodbye to your friends in your twenties? I don't know where you are, I don't know what's true and what isn't. I have no faith to comfort me, so I will directly quote your family on this: Rest in everlasting peace.

You were too good not to last forever.

[hannahssimblr]

9 for Evie, Jude, Claire anddddd Dean

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby And I'm a monster on the hill

or

Where did we go wrong?

Was it so enlightening we couldn't find our way?

Was it all so frightening we really couldn't see which move to make?

But you know I'm right

When I say the best is yet to come.

Just sweet beginnings and bitter endings In coffee city, we borrowed Heaven Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go?

In the heat of summer sunshine I miss you like nobody else In the heat of summer sunshine I kiss you and nobody needs to know

I said now, overcast days never turned me on But something about the clouds and her mixed She wasn't too bright But I could tell when she kissed me She knew how to get her kicks

You got me fucked up in the head, boy Never doubted myself so much Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy? I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

'Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back I'm the love of your life until I make you mad It's always one step forward and three steps back Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

[wroteonedad]

7100AD Yambe Tam

I think I've learnt a lot about myself since I started to begin writing up this blog. I've learnt about the types of works I enjoy the most, the type of music I am most drawn to, the endless list of movies I have missed out on being on the spectrum and being young. I have learned about others, the types of things they like too.

Not long after the launch of starting up my blog on here, I wondered to myself how I could reach a wider audience on different parts of the internet and it soon occurred to me that Instagram would be a fantastic tool for me. It wasn't all sunshine and flowers though, as it turns out writing posts about artists and exhibitions appears to be a small niche and the only people I see speak about it are verified institutions and already famous artists. Taking a jump further into the digital world meant that I would also have to make things for different audiences which is why I also make pieces that just go on that part of the Internet rather than on here. However, it has also made me ask myself how I can connect with others all over the giant endless parts of the internet and where we can take ourselves in the future, which leads me to VR.

To me, VR feels like it came about 10 years ago, but it turns out it started to hit the mainstream scene between 1990-2000. Different gaming companies began to produce VR headsets for use with their consoles and their games, some affordable and others not so much. It peaked again about 5 years ago when everyone on YouTube began to play remastered editions of their games they already owned, only while wearing a VR headset while they did it, to create a brand new feel to the game and fast forward a little bit more to artists creating open spaces in the land of VR. Open world games about biodiversity and the land of animals whom don't exist, these are the works of Yambe Tam.

The pieces in which she creates are experimental video games that feature both sculptures and ambient music to immerse people into these futuristic realities. Most of these realities are of things that human beings are most likely never going to be able to reach, the deepest darkest parts of the ocean to a post extinct Earth. Tam typically works with scientific researchers and sound designers to create these video game VR experiences into something that can be understood by humans.

As directly quoted from Tam's website, the description of 7100AD, a project which has been ongoing since 2019 states that it is a; 'posthistoric Earth meditative video game' which goes through the natural world through the body of a non-human species and this goes across three realms. 'A wild bee on a newly-formed desert island, a marine plankton, and an underground mycelial network. 7100AD illuminates unexpected links between humans and non-human species and how these are changing in the face of Anthropocene extinction.' The entire project encapsulates and tackles the modern day problems that society and large factories need to address more, and fast. Climate change, pollution, industrial agriculture. You work as a bee in the first segment of this game as you are pushed into a post human world and becoming acquainted with plants to create and support a new biodiverse ecosystem. You literally see the world from the perspective of this bee, as in what their sight is really like. It is a very interesting way for a human to immerse themselves into the perspective of a different living creature.

Part of this want to be able to create such a surreal piece of artwork is based around how Tam came from the last generation to grow up without the Internet. This meant that as a child she spent most of her time exploring the outdoor environment, being creative, having more of a sense of freedom in comparison to now where we all heavily rely on the Internet to fill the time in our day. In terms of discussion on how she creates work, it is described as having three different pathways from the bottom of the mountain. The way in which they all curve around with different obstacles, but ultimately lead to the same blended ending. Perhaps this is because some of the game feels like a reach, trying to create a game that is based around life without humans can be difficult to predict. Impossible to predict actually. We have no idea what the world will be like in a time post humans, aside from that the Earth will more than likely move on and live again. The way in which Mother Nature always comes back, she grows all over the damage to create luscious greenery and life elsewhere once more. We've all seen the images of Chernobyl and how the greenery is beginning to wrap itself around all of the buildings in the area.

So how does the overall VR game work and what comes with 7100AD aside from the game itself?

The game itself is placed within a sculptured room. The little rooms resembles a cocoon or a nest pod. You are given a sound-vibrational vest which gives haptic feedback to the game and a VR set which is designed as a bee from the future. You are then left to navigate the British Isles, feeding on flowers and watching them as they diversify and multiply throughout the area. It's a piece of work which mixes many forms of art media with sculpture, sound, senses and VR all at the same time. In other gallery spaces, the overall installation feels more like walking into a listening room. The type of room you go into where you sit on the sofa surrounded by expensive hi-fi equipment to find out what type of gear would be better suited for your home. The type of room that feels comfortable and that you can fully immerse yourself into, like this installation view featured in the image below.

I like the emptiness of this installation view, I feel as though this is the perfect gallery size in order to have the full experience from the exhibition as well as the VR game. It feels warm and welcoming, without being empty to the point that it feels cold.

I feel I have really become drawn to all types of different artworks that feature digital and technologic features and I feel that this is a perfect example of art in the future. I love artists who are able to tackle and adapt into the ever changing technologic world to create something that is fresh and interesting to the eye. I want to see more art like this when used in the correct context. 7100AD is a powerful example of using the future through the physical end project and mixing the concept of the future through the work and the game itself as well.

[forestwater87]

Okay, for all of you who don't feel like watching Miles RP as David

Here are some of my favorite quotes. Context may be added if I feel like it. Reactions are my goblin brain screaming. All of these came from a discord so if they don't make sense . . . see goblin brain comment.

(That link should start directly at the point where he becomes David; if it doesn't, skip to 1:40:33)

In roughly chronological order:

David: "Teachers are sort of like camp counselors during the rest of the year."

The thing is David is absolutely up his own ass enough to think this.

David: "Trail mix is expensive!"

^ said to show he understands why not everyone can donate to the charity for teachers. Very adorable, am crying.

David's "ooooh" seeing one dude was extremely non-heterosexual. Fucking bicon. Him losing his mind that one of the arenas is called "Survey camp"

David: "A person's hitting me -- I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry this is just pretend!"

This is just canonically how David plays video games. Either this or he's unwilling to commit violence at all, but I'll defer to Miles.

David: "That's very goat of you!"

Spencer: "Is David popular amongst his campers?"

David: "I like to think so! There's only 3 staff members, so I'm definitely in everyone's top 3."

"That also means you're in the bottom 3."

David: "Well, I choose not to think of it that way."

(I have to keep adding reacts so you can tell when one quote ends and another begins. Judge not lest ye be judged)

I think the other person in the stream is named Spencer. Friend of Miles. I know literally nothing else about him and am not even confident on those facts.

Every time he says something so non-David in his David voice I die: "I have a lot of grenades!"

David: "Oh my goodness, would you look at this beautiful scenery! Can we hike that mountain?"

This is so goddamn cute. I am dying. Miles looked at his fans and said "they will eat tonight" and I am so relieved.

David: "Not to be a couple of Greedy Garys, but I say we get this [care package] and then I'll drop another one!"

The fact that Miles is grinning like a lunatic the entire time is very good. (Also if this is formatted badly then I'm sorry but not all that sorry. I'm doing my best and David would be proud of me.)

David: "Didja getim? Didja getim? didja getim? How 'bout now?"

Spencer: "I didn't get 'em."

David: "Well, you tried your best and that's all that matters."

He calls healing "a little health kiss." I'm not sure why but it's very important to me.

David: [while jumping to murder someone] "Hi! Scuse me!"

(i just need something to separate the quotes okay)

David: "Well you know what gang, we did our best. You don't always win the 3-legged race. You did a wonderful job!"

Then there's a bit where they talk about Spencer's time at summer camp:

David: "ooooh hand-holding's pretty serious!"

David is too pure.

David: [dreamily] "Did you fall in love, Spencer? A summer love?" [puts hands up to his face]

Then there's the fact that David/Miles gets to pick where they play each round, and he keeps insisting on going to the one called "Survey Camp" every single time because it has the word "camp" in it.

David: "Now, I don't like to disagree, but . . . I was thinking we could go . . . to Survey Camp!"

Spencer reminds him that technically since David's the one with the power to choose, his opinion is the only one that matters:

David: "Everyone's opinion matters. And my opinion is we're going to camp."

David just steamrolling over Spencer's interests is very good. There are these little selfish nuggets sprinkled in among the wholesomeness that really capture the full David experience.

David: "Well, he's climbing up . . . he's coming my direction . . . oh, he looks scary . . ."

Spencer: "Is he coming towards me?"

David: "Oooh, I don't know. I'm dead!"

The positivity is relentless. I think Miles said on twitter afterwards that this whole thing was exhausting and I can see why. Being David is no picnic . . .

David: "I have a question: do we have to shoot each other in this game?"

And then a few seconds later:

David: "I'm just wondering if maybe there's a way we can, you know, help others. Talk through our issues."

And a few seconds after that:

David: "I was asking if they wanted to be friends in the game!"

I believe that moved killed him, too. Precious.

Also we're interrupting the real Miles!David content to share something my friend suggested to me while I was watching this and giving her quotes; she said that maybe David just calls everything camp to make life more fun, and then sent me this imaginary exchange that actually killed me all the way to death:

David: Gwen Santos would you go to marriage camp with me

Gwen: I'm going to have to change this story when I tell everyone

It made me laugh quite a bit.

Anyway, back to the video!

Spencer: "How do you sign up for [Camp Campbell]?"

David: "Well, um, you can fax, uh, an application to CameronCCampbell@hotmail.realwebsite.noreallyrealwebsite.com. And . . . you can know that myself and Gwen and Quartermaster and sometimes Mr. Campbell will do our best to make sure they get what they need! Which more than anything is love and support. And friendship."

Spencer: "How many dollars does this camp cost?"

David: "You know . . . it is, um . . ."

And then the conversation switches subjects and David breathes a sigh of relief.

Very shortly after this he changed his character from a woman (she was wearing a yellow shirt, which he liked because the campers wear yellow shirts) to "a Forward Scout with a positive attitude!"

"I like his style."

Spencer: "Does everybody abuse David verbally?"

David: "You know, sometimes people have harsh words. Mostly Max, and Neil, and Gwen, and Quartermaster, and Nurf."

Spencer: "Did you just list almost everyone?"

David: "Mmm . . . I'd say maybe a third."

Poor David. Somebody please protect him.

Spencer: "Yeah, I think people abuse David. I get that vibe. Or at least, I feel it in my heart. Like I wanna put ants in your bunk or something."

David: "Well, I think that says more about maybe some of the hurt you're carrying with you. And sometimes when people don't know how to process that, they act out. Do you want some trail mix?"

David just said his favorite part of trail mix is the raisins which is so cute. "They have a little bit of salt on them, which isn't typical for a raisin."

And he keeps telling chatters to watch their language.

David: "Who is my favorite camper? Aww, you know I couldn't pick a favorite! . . . But I know who has the most potential, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

I KNEW IT!!!!!

I've been saying for years that David doesn't have a favorite and gravitates towards the ones he thinks need him the most AND I FINALLY GOT ONE RIGHT!

David: "Well you know, Gwen swears and that's okay."

shipping intensifies

David: [gasp] "The moss is growing on the north side of the rock!"

Every time he nerds out about weird shit in the game I gain 3 seconds to my life.

Spencer: "Did you get teabagged?"

David: "What's that?"

Spencer: "It's where somebody places their most intimate bits on you for . . . friendship."

David: [softly] "Oh, I don't know about that."

Also David confirms that the whole show has been a single summer, so please see the "vindication" gif above.

David: "I know a lot of fun camp songs."

Spencer: "Sing 3."

David: [starts singing] "Bum-bum-bumblebee, bumblebee tuna, I love bumblebee, bumblebee tuna . . ."

Spencer: "Okay, please stop. I immediately regret this decision."

David: "Max said the same thing! One of my campers. And, uh, and my co-counselor, Gwen."

He's literally made of sunshine. I would die for this fictional man.

Spencer: "Are people at camp against their will? I feel like they are."

David: "No! . . . They don't always like it immediately, but it grows on them."

Spencer: "It sounds like they're there against their will."

David: "Well I just think that's a negative way of looking at it."

FWIW Spencer makes an excellent foil to David. Not as aggressive as Max or as dour as Gwen, but he brings a very . . . like, straight-man energy to the conversation. Like how a normal person would react to David IRL. I'd enjoy seeing these two interact more.

Spencer: "It's like your overpositivity is wanting me to balance it out with negativity."

David: "You know, I feel like that dynamic's pretty popular with me."

eeeeeeee <3

And the last one that I personally found noteworthy:

David: "One day we'll be able to afford safety equipment. Until then, we'll just have to deal with Quartermaster's Ropes Course. And a lot of pillows."

There's point near the last 20 minutes where either it got kinda boring or I just got too tired to keep track. But if there are any quotes you think I missed, please share them! This was a really lovely bit of content to feed our starving maw, and I appreciate Miles very very very much for taking one for the team.

[beautyofthend]

Watched it. I did have to kind of cover the screen during a lot of Ollie parts, he was creepier than I expected, not even in a super stalkery way, just weird lol. I loved the rest.

I both love and hate how it ended. If there was more to the end scene then it would have felt rushed so I'm kind of glad it was just a small moment. And I'm glad that the scene actually had Nikki wake up and share that look with Jack because I thought they'd keep her sleeping. The look mixed with the hand holding and head stroking made it feel like a truce and an understanding between them. Jack fresh off of his talk with Beattie about if it feels good or right then just do it makes me feel like it's heading in a good direction.

I think how the ending was left leaves them in a good spot to carry on into the next season. We'll probably see them still trying to navigate their feelings towards eachother and I'm not expecting anything to be straightforward at all, but at least finally their feelings have been made pretty clear towards eachother.

Also the lighting in the kiss scene was just so great. I keep rewatching it because the whole moment was just so pretty and although the scene itself was fairly quick it was made into a big moment with the slow mo and the lighting. It was like after the storm when the sun comes through the clouds, and I'll probably have it on loop until season 25 along with the end scene.

Now I just need to not drive myself crazy with scenarios until the next season.

Same don’t worry!! I still think the way they’ve ended that whole Ollie storyline was a little too /easy/ and given S25 takes place directly after S24, I think something may come of that weird situation?

Yesss the ending is bittersweet and it leaves it open for them. But the way he holds her hand is the same way he holds it after he loses his cool in Brother’s Keeper, so I think it’s meant to symbolise their trust and then coming together despite everything that’s happened. It’s almost more intimate than the kiss they shared; because it’s them, vulnerable and open to each other. Ready to take the step forward, they’ve crossed that boundary now, they both know how they feel and they both wanted that kiss. So I am very excited to see where it all goes.

No absolutely their kiss was the light after the storm!! And given that the storm started as soon as Jack slept with Liz, it’s all very metaphorical. But the storm cleansed them, thinking of the quote from the old woman “it’s coming to wash us all clean.” It’s symbolic. Jack and Nikki slept with other people who weren’t each other during that storm but by the end of it, when the storm stopped and the clouds cleared and the sun shone from the sky, they found each other. (Also Jack being the light in Nikki’s life? When she slept with Matt, the lighting was very dark as it was with Ollie. But with Jack it’s light, the sunshine, it’s all very positive!!)

My head is spinning with so many thoughts right now but I absolutely cannot wait to see Nikki and Sam working together!! I think it’s going to be amazing!!

[pianostarinwonderland]

What's your opinion about the other dorm leaders aside from Sir Azul?

Ooooh, this is a fun ask~

Riddle was my very first bias before Twst came out. I think I said my reasons as to why quite often enough here. 😆 But if you don’t know, it’s because at the time, my main bias was Jonah Clemence from Ikemen Revolution, he’s the Queen of Hearts, and his VA is Natsuki Hanae, two things Riddle also has. Right now, however, he’s my second favorite! I really like his disciplined self and his drive to improve himself so he can make his dorm a better place to live in. He also has good moral conduct, something that I like about him.

Leona is actually my second least favorite. :/ He used to be my least favorite, but Malleus took his spot and now he ascended. I never found his looks personally appealing, though I can say he is hot and his eyes look beautiful. It may be funny to say this because Azul is haughty, but I don’t like Leona’s arrogance. The thing is that he always lazes around and doesn’t lift a finger to do anything. Probably it’s because it’s me seeing my worst traits of myself in him, but I just don’t like him. He can also be a bully, something that I really don’t like about him. Have you seen how he was with Azul in chapter 3?

Kalim is someone I like! I love seeing his smile grace my screen and listening to his cheerful voice. Reading incorrect quotes and short fics where he’s seen in makes me smile because he’s just so cute. 🥺 But I love reading the analyses on him the most because I really want to know more about Kalim than just the sunshine front he has. He’s such a kind individual and I love that.

Vil is someone who has the title of being my only bias wrecker. He climbed to my top 5 without me realizing it until I took a bias sorter test. Honestly, Vil has the most Jonah Clemence-esque personality for me, which is a big factor as to why I like him. Vil sticks to his morals no matter what (well... until Neige happened, but upon realizing it, he felt so guilty), and he always strives to do his best. He was bullied in the past because people called him a villain, and his whole sentiment with wanting to stand on stage until the end resonates with me because don’t we all want to be the main hero sometimes? Seeing his character being misunderstood by many saddens me because his actual character is so beautiful.

Ok but Vil loves me for some reason. He’s my most frequent visitor in logins and his Halloween SSR came home to me when I only wanted Azul dupes lmao

Idia is in my bottom three, mainly because he’s rude. When he called everyone failures for not being able to free him in Ghost Marriage, I was heavily turned off by him. Who has the right to be so rude?? It also doesn’t help that he’s a shut-in who only plays video games, though it seems like he has reasons why. Nevertheless, I do like playing video games but I don’t want to constantly be a shut-in. He has his good points, though! He’s actually a nice brother to Ortho, which is so cute. 😭 He also has a lot of lore potential right now, and I wish more people talked about him in theories.

Malleus... he’s my least favorite not because of personal preferences but because of the fandom. He was kinda neutral for me back then but when people started calling Malyuu canon, whether directly or indirectly, it really pissed me off so much that he quickly climbed down my list. Malleus and Yuu can have a friendship that doesn’t have to be seen in a romantic light. This isn’t an otome game. You can tell me you’re joking if you were to joke that Malleus didn’t get the memo that Twst isn’t an otome, but I won’t be able to tell especially if I don’t know you. And then when the fourth part of chapter 5 came out, nobody cared about Vil’s OB or backstory. Everyone just flocked to Malleus and raved about him, and it personally upsetted me because this isn’t his chapter. I understand being really happy over your fav’s cameo, I really do, but when it overshadowed the main characters, it gets upsetting and it seems like nobody read anything.

All my salt on this reached to a point where I cannot talk about anything regarding Malleus, even theories. The only time I don’t mind interacting with Malleus content is when it comes to JP fanart or if someone suggested a really really interesting theory involving him that piques my interest. But aside from that, if you send me an ask about Malleus... well, I don’t mind listening to you guys rot over him, but in regards to questions, I will be slow in answering them. And if you know me well, I may not sound pleasant. 😔

[billiejs]

Request Julie and the phantoms are on tour and juke dating , one stop on tour Luke gets sick  (woke up with fever, swollen glands, sore throat etc) and doctor diagnoses him with strep and ear infections and Julie takes care his stubborn butt back at the hotel because he doesn't like to let down the fans since they have to cancel few shows.

Here you go anon, thanks for the promp! Julie and the Phantom Drabble, 1.1k, Julie/Luke, very vague angst and very vague mentions of death

“I’m fine, I swear!” Luke sniffs noisily, trying to force himself up from the tour bus bunkbed Reggie is all but restraining him onto. 

“Yeah, a ray of sunshine.” He grunts, keeping him down so that the doctor has access to his throat. 

Julie bites her lip, standing behind the doctor. Luke looks feverish, his cheeks are pale and his nose is red and snotty. The dark bags under his eyes could carry all of their instruments to the next venue they’re supposed to play at. She hates seeing him like this, and her chest tightens the same way it does whenever she’s confronted with sickness. Even after all these years, she can’t help but feel as powerless and scared as when she was standing beside her mom in her hospital bed. 

“Strep throat, ear infection.” Doctor Jameson declares with a sigh, tugging on her stethoscope. “A minimum of two days of complete rest is mandatory.” 

Luke’s face is the exact reproduction of Munch’s Scream, if Munch had wanted to portray a twenty years old rockstar faced with existential dread. 

“What?” He shrieks, his voice breaking painfully and making him explode in a cough attack that sends Reggie zooming to the end of the bed. Alex, ever the anxious germaphobe, is peeking from behind the closed curtains of his top bunk bed. “Guys, we can’t! We have two shows in a row here!” 

“We’ll reschedule.” Julie bends down so she’s at eye level with him. “You can’t perform like this, Luke.” 

Luke isn’t just upset, he’s heartbroken. 

“No way,” he shakes his head resolutely. “Doctor, can’t you just give me a Vitamin B shot or an IV or something? We have to… to…” 

He starts coughing again, so hard that he gets teary. Julie feels the back of her own eyes begin to prickle as her stomach constricts painfully. She’s not good with sickness and she knows it, but seeing Luke in this condition is something she wasn’t prepared for.  

“You have to rest.” Doctor Jameson’s tone is final. “If, and I repeat, if you feel better tomorrow afternoon, I may give the green lights for tomorrow night’s show. But only if you rest completely and then keep resting for the two days after that.” 

“Sounds good,” Alex chirps from behind his curtains. “I’ll tell Flynn to prepare a post for the fans.”

“No!” Luke tries to protest, looking at Julie with pleading eyes she wouldn’t normally be able to resist. “Jules…” 

“We’re staying in a hotel tonight.” She replies. “You need to rest.” 

“Book one with a pool!” Reggie pleads, stretching his arms out. Luke has betrayal painted all over his face. 

“I really don’t get how you can be so chill about this.” 

Luke stutters five hours later, buried under two soft five-star hotel duvets and still fighting against shudders that run up and down his body. 

Julie sits cross-legged by his side, Luke’s prescriptions in one hand and the sheet with the doctor’s instructions in the other. She pops three different pills in her hand and hands them to Luke, who makes a show of looking offended as he swallows them down without the help of water. Then he makes a pained face because his throat still hurts. 

Julie loves him, she does, but when he acts so childish she would happily smack him in the head with Alex’s drumsticks. 

“None of us is casual about this.” She replies. “We don’t like canceling a show either. But your wellbeing is more important than any show ever, Luke.” 

All she can see of her boyfriend is his eyes peeking from the duvet, and his hair sticking to his forehead. He still manages to look defiant. 

“Some might say that my wellbeing is directly proportional to the time I spend on stage.” 

“Some might say that you’re an idiot,” Julie levels him down with a stare. “Oh, wait. That’s just me.” 

Luke would normally laugh at something like this, but all he does now is sigh heavily and avoid her eyes. 

“I just really, really hate to think that there are forty thousand people that we’re letting down tonight.” He says in a small voice, “That I’m letting down.” 

“Stop it,” Julie climbs under the duvet so she can wrap her arms around his torso and let him rest his head against her chest. “This is just one show. It sucks that we can’t play, but it’s neither your fault nor will it matter in the grand scheme of things.” She pauses to kiss the top of his head and Luke turns his head up to look at her with hopeful, sad eyes. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We’ll be playing shows until our fingers get too wrinkly and stiff from arthritis or something like that. People will get sick of seeing our concert playbills around towns.” 

Luke’s eyes close, a satisfied smile on his lips as he undoubtedly gets lost in the mental picture Julie has painted for him. She tightens her arms around his body, solid and feverish, and he gently intertwines a hand with hers. 

“Are you okay?” He whispers, his eyes still closed. Julie knows that he knows and she shudders a little, doing her best to keep certain bad memories out of her brain. 

“I’m… dealing with it.” She answers truthfully.

“I don’t want you to be here if it makes you feel bad,” Luke squeezes her hand. “I’m sure one of the boys can… I know you don’t like being around sick people.” 

“You’re not people.” Julie is happy with how firm her voice sounds. “I’m not leaving you. And besides, Alex wouldn’t come within five feet from you without a nuclear proof suit, and Reggie would let you sneak out to the tour bus to play. I only trust myself.” 

Luke snorts a laugh, and it has the miraculous effect of making Julie feel better too. 

“I can still try to corrupt you too,” he wiggles his eyebrows allusively at her, but it’s all ruined by a  powerful sneeze that makes the bed rock back and forth for a second. 

“I’m definitely charmed,” Julie rolls to her side of the bed to retrieve the tv remote from her bedside table. “Come on, I’ll let you choose the movie we’re watching.” 

Luke sniffles again. 

“School of Rock.” He declares.

“You know it by heart.” 

“You said I could choose.”

“I did,” Julie nestles against Luke under the duvet. “And I know what your real disease is.” 

“Stickittotheman-eosis.” Luke quotes happily, hugging Julie like she’s his personal teddybear, yawning as the opening credits start to play. “Gosh, I love you so much.”

“I don’t know if you’re saying this to me or to Jack Black.” Julie giggles.

“Babe.” Luke looks at her. “You’re special, but you’re no Jack Black.” 

“Yeah, I figured.” Julie sighs. When she meets Luke’s eyes, they are alight with something she’s not sure she can put into words. It makes her feel huge and small at the same time. 

“I love you too.”  ___________________________________________________ Thanks for reading! Feel free to drop a prompt in my askbox for more stuff like this if you’d like.  JATP minifics (x)

[hearthandhomemagick]

Cottage Witch Journal Entry - Post Yule & Christmas

Okay, so far this forum of mine has discussed some very off the wall topics that invade my head throughout the day. Some very self destructive thoughts, and some self awareness thoughts. Thoughts on religion, video games, spirituality. Hell, I may even choose to discuss sexual exploration in the future. Who knows? All I know is that after looking back at some of my posts, I’m starting to realize how chaotic one individuals thoughts can be. How genuinely complex a humans life and mind can truly be. 

Think about it, if you’ve read my posts in the past, regarding witchcraft, self care, self love, eating awareness, hyperawareness, overthinking, and so on and so forth, then you would think you’d be able to point me out in a crowd. 

The truth is, you wouldn’t. A great deal of my writing is simply the regurgitation of my persistent, sometimes unrelenting, thoughts. I’m noticing the complexities of humanity, and it’s beautiful and tragic all at once.

Last time we spoke, I discussed in a mini post that Judy Alvarez was mine for the taking a staple of independence and power to me and that getting my power back was of high priority to me. It’s been a few days, but this still remains a significant thought in my head. I find myself becoming more and more enthralled by her character and persona, drawn into why I relate to her as much as I do. Then, I noticed the underwater life she loves so much, and am reminded of the blue jellyfish behind my left ear. I see her whale tattoo and think of the same one I have under my left boob. I think of how I wanted to shave the right side of my head similar to Judy’s hair back in High School and my mom telling me it wouldn’t look good. And finally, I think of her selflessness, and her need to help a traumatized soul, and how I used to be a Sexual Violence Outreach Advocate, just trying to help a traumatized soul. I relate to her in more ways than one, as silly and stupid as it sounds, and these may be extremely minute to notice, but important for me. 

My boyfriend and I had a few conversations this weekend, all separate times, that really pinned me to myself. One conversation, he asked me what exactly I believed, in that moment, when it came to religion and spirituality. From there we got into a lengthy discussion (mostly my fault) where I explained my thoughts in detail. One quote I said stood out (I was also stoned so when I said it, it came out as a surprise to me as well), for I digress from the want to overexplain myself. 

As I told my boyfriend, Hyperawareness will destroy a man before it enlightens him. And this year, Hyperawareness seemed to be the proprietor of my mind, for it most definitely would have destroyed me had I continued.

Another conversation we had, which we both agreed to, was the power of our physical bodies directly correlating to past experiences we’ve had with other humans. Also, our relationship with unsustainable lifestyles.

Example, my body issues are founded on the idea that I wasn’t allowed to be a tomboy and play sports or take karate or MMA Fighting classes, but I also wasn’t perceived as delicate and pretty because of my weight/I was bigger than other girls. I was discouraged from doing the physical things I was interested in, and gave up as a result.

Those experiences have perpetuated in many areas of my life as well. In High School, I chose Shop as my number one elective and Weight Training as my second. They chose to put me in Theatre and Intensive Reading instead (Intensive Reading is a class kids take when they make below average on state wide tests). Now, my first choices were classes I felt would develop my character and reflect the life I wanted to live, and I was told it was a bit manly for me to choose those classes. Now, as an adult, I don’t go out of my way to work on mechanics, even though it’s an interest of mine and I haven’t done weight lifting because I thought I’d look like a man. False ideas.

When you are denied your own personality as a child, and don’t realize that is what is happening because it is still happening, it becomes a spiral of what options do you actually have? You become an open book for others influences to freely write in, because you want to be your own independent self but you don’t even know who or how that person is. So, for a while when I got out of High School I was clinging to others personalities in an attempt to find myself. That’s not a good way of doing it, either. 

I lived to please, so when people called me Sunshine, I figured the Sun didn’t wear a lot of black and didn’t act like a man. 

Reality check, I was overthinking it.

I should dress and live how I see fit, regardless of the typical aesthetic. Fuck the idea that I have to subscribe to one aesthetic anyways. If I want to own a Bee Hive, a Cottage in the Mountains by the river with a tiny self sustaining garden, all while wearing black alternative outfits that somewhat line the aesthetic of post apocalyptical,  then fuck yes I’m going to be a gentle, bright, motorcycle loving, knife wielding, MMA Fighting, Yoga and Meditation doing, soft spoken bad bitch. 

Here’s the thing, I haven’t even bought myself clothes this year, because people were literally buying clothes for me. WHICH I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR!!!! But, over the weekend I got rid of a lot of those clothes because they restrict my personality, I never wear them or they don’t fit anymore.

After the lengthy conversations, we both agreed that our youthful selves are not finished being fully alive. We didn’t stop being young once we got out of High School, we stopped being young when we started saying we were too old. So, we are starting to set goals together. Getting rid of old clothes was the first step, and we took into consideration that we are still individuals just helping each other accomplish a common goal, so the next step is our physical selves. 

The plan is to clean out our storage room and transform it into a self-care/training area. Together, we will start the P90X after work on some days, while I try to keep up with yoga on my off days. This month, being aware of what I eat without the focus of losing weight has helped me actually lose weight. Now, focusing on my workout regime is the goal. Not to lose weight, but to be able to start MMA Fighting Classes. 

MMA Fighting is something I started in High School right before going to college, but never finished. It’s something I want to commit to so as to release anger while Yoga will help me process my anger. So, healthy eating to support energy, and healthy workouts! I have also been having more endometriosis pain than usual, so avoiding my health won’t help me!

Spiritual wise, I want to focus on my better self. I want to put more effort into me rather than letting myself go in a world of people who don’t care if my personality exists or not. I want to be open, strong and powerful in what I believe. I want to own my shit, and fuck anyone who wants to stop that type of Sunshine. In the words of Meghan Thee Stallion, “Fuck being good, I’m a bad bitch. I’m sick of motherfuckers tryna tell me how to live.”

I’m inconvenient, and I’m happy with that. I’m not perfect, but I’m a process. I’m not weak and quiet, I’m strong and silent. 

This specific post is a reclamation of my power. Somewhere along the road of this shitty adult life, I forgot the beauty in my own power. I’m equal, not less than.

Thank you for reading, if you did. This is, again, one of those things where I am journaling my thoughts, and trying to go over everything in my head without going crazy. If you thought this was annoying, just remember I deleted 5 paragraphs before posting, because I was overthinking and didn’t want to overexplain. (I do everything in copious quantities). If it bothered you, look past my post. If you related, let’s talk about it. All in all, thank you for being alive, darling. I’ll see you later!

[afoxysunny]

Pixel as Spectra

My mind first connected him with the Peacock Miraculous because of their shared colour scheme and ended up loving the combo more and more the longer i thought about it

Pixel lived in Lazytown for as long as he can remember. Being probably the most introverted person in the friendgroup and not as excitable he still tends to feel a little removed from them though. Still he always tries his best to help out with his more or less successful inventions, giving him a bridge to connect with the others by combining the comfort he feels in the digital world and his wish to be there for his friends even when he doesn't fully understand them.

Because for most of this design i went with "he'd think this is cool so let's do this" i didn't have a ton of references this time around

With almost all of these designs I'd tweak them a little bit if only i knew what bothered me and how to do better but, man, am I thrilled with how Pixel turned out! I love him exactly as i drew him!

Design Notes:

Colours - so many of them. The only thing that I was initially not 100% sold on was the sheer amount of colours in this design but damn it really grew on me. The peacock Kwami Duusu and Pixel (puppet design) share two main colours, Dark blue and white so those were a must. But then i also had Duusu's pink that had to stay and Pixel also has light blue and orange. I feated it would be too much but peacocks are damn coloirful and beautiful so it worked out after all

Orange + green hair - and of cause i had to add another colour: green. I knew i really wanted to keep his dark skin from the tv show but god i love the green hair he has in Glanni Glæpur í Latabæ so much! I couldn't help myself. I also kept that cool crown like part his visor has on the puppet design as it, together with the mask shape resemble the natural peacock's face pattern very well

Cape/Top thing - i just googled "men cape fashion" or something like that and didn't expect too much but when i saw that pic i knew exactly that this and only this had to be included. I'm kinda obsessed with it and i want one! So Pixel gets to live this dream for me. Being an extreme introvert a cape like this to quote unquote hide and protect part of himself behind suits him so well in my opinion

The fan - the weapon for this Miraculous is a fan and Pixel is a video game nerd so naturally he's very excited about this super aesthetic weapon. As far as i remember he's left handed in the show (i think i remember him using the mouse of his computer with his left hand?) but i already put the cape and Miraculous Brooch on hif left so the fan gets fixed to his arm. Like this it doesn't really matter that his right hand isn't as proficient as the other would be and he can be dramatic and open the fan like a bird spreading his wings if he feels like it

Miraculous Brooch - the Peacock Miraculous grants the power of Emotion, symbolizing this, i put the brooch directly on his heart. Not only to be easily protected with his cape but also to show where his powers come from

Feathers - in the show Miraculous Ladybug the peacock is one of the corrupted ones and the white feathers turn dark purple when charged to use. With Pixel they gain orange strands in them to look just a little bit like they are glowing and also sunshine

Reasoning:

Duusu, while also corrupted in canon like Nooroo, seems not as bothered by that. Firstly because he appears a little dense and playful in the few times we see him but also because the user isn't doing evil because she lost her way. No, Mayura is still using the Peacock's power as intended to help another miraculous holder.

But more than that this is about Pixel. I don't remember where exactly but i read on multiple occasions that he has a form of autism. While I'm not the most knowledgeable person at this topic and I'd love someone to enlighten me more about it i did understand that this manifests strongly in each depiction of him with being very introverted and only able to understand and properly communicate with others via help from what he's most comfortable with. This is precisely why i believe the power given to him by Duusu, to sense others emotions, would be an incredibly valuable help for him. While simultaneously not getting crushed by the constant stream of feelings around him like someone as emphatically sensitive as Sportacus who must struggle a lot with getting that same power from Nooroo. Furthermore the power to give form to someone's strongest emotion matches perfectly with his usual role of building gadgets to help other!

Story:

I already slipped into this very heavily in the reasoning section so sorry if i repeat myself bit I'll try my best not to

First up, I'm absolute Trash for Pixel x Jives so that means, spoiler alert, most of what i have thought up for either of them is related to their journey from best friends to boyfriends

But i think a "lovestory" where that's the only defining feature of both characters sucks so I'll go into detail with characters a little more here

The Peacock Miraculous is meant to be used pretty defensively as him losing his strength would also mean the Amok, the powerful creatures he creates out of people's emotions, would disappear with him transforming back. Also he'd need to stay back for a good overview of the situation to make a better judgment, i definitely think he's the perfect fit for this role but besides that he wouldn't enjoy just that. If video games taught him anything then that standing back and watching others fight is not what a hero should do. His set of powers and given weapon may not lend themselves as easily to physical combat as the others but that doesn't mean he won't try. And fail. Obviously he'd beat himself up over this a lot and end up training way more on his own than the others.

You see, after Lucky Bug and Pitch Serval have a good long talk with the Guardians of the Miracle Box they get the job to pick up their friends and help them choose a Miraculous for each if and when they trust them enough to fight alongside them. After that they train as a group to master their new powers but Pixel also trains on his own as directly fighting isn't really something he's meant to do with his powers so it's not included in their training sessions. The only one who joins him, finding out kinda on accident is his best friend Jives, who gladly helps him of cause

Name:

I knew from the start off that i want to give him a name relating to colour and computer. Thankfully my sis is a lot wiser with both those topics and gave me a few options. One of them was Spectrum and, god, it just clicked with that one! Not only did i always headcanon him as bisexual, one spectrum he's on but also there is the autism spectrum and just colours in generl, three specrta for him so the name was the most obvious and best fitting i could pick

Thank you so much for your attention! I hope this was relatively understandable, my rambles can get a bit hard to follow and i was very excited to share this one so let me know if i ended up confusing you more than explaining anything. Thanks again

[notquitedailyamy]

Black and Yellow

Since visiting Derek Jarman’s Prospect Cottage in Dungeness last month, I’ve sat down on several occasions intending to share the experience with you. But distilling my thoughts wasn’t easy! The place left my head so full of thoughts and stirred a lot of emotion in me, and transcribing the singular magic of it into words felt beyond me. Each time I’d lose the tousle with my brain, and clap the laptop shut again.

Then I found the following starting point; a quote from Howard Sooley, photographer and friend of Derek Jarman, that described the setting I found myself in, on arrival to the cottage, perfectly.

“Pulling up on Dungeness Road, I stared out of the car window on to a post-apocalyptic nuclear vision: a long, snaking road strung with a line of black fishermen’s cottages like tar-covered fairy lights; a beach strewn in a mess of seemingly abandoned fishing boats and huts, which looked like they’d just tumbled from the sky and landed randomly among the sea kale that inhabited the beach.

   — Howard Sooley for Gardens Illustrated

And now, I think, with that striking scene set, I can continue...

Discovering Derek Jarman 

On one particular stay at my aunt and uncle’s house in Cheltenham years ago, there was an addition to the mantelpiece in my bedroom: a dried sprig of sea kale in a narrow white vase. My aunt recounted how she and my uncle had lately travelled to Dungeness, a headland on the coast of Kent, and how she had found the pretty bit of plant blowing across the shingle there. They had been to see the cottage and garden of a man whose name I did not then recognise, Derek Jarman; “a very special place”. And, I was told that in the front room there was a book entitled Derek Jarman’s Garden, from which I could learn more. 

From my aunt’s introductory account, to each article and interview I have since read or watched regarding Derek Jarman since, I have found him only to be described in the fondest, most admiring manner. Those who are aware of his story, or who were lucky enough to have had their lives directly touched by him, laud his generous spirit and remain in awe of his remarkable array of talents, from film-maker to set designer, from optimist to activist, from gardener to diarist and author. He is remembered not only as being one of the most influential figures of 20th century culture, but also for his breathtaking humility, prolific activism for gay rights (via protest as well as his artistic output - much of which served as a manifesto for open homosexuality), inspiration and support for young and aspiring film makers and creatives. Award-winning costume designer and friend of Jarman’s Sandy Powell sums up his inherent warmth of character and contagious passion for whatever he turned his hand to in a recent interview with Phillips Auction House: 

“Derek said to me that there was absolutely no point in going to work every day unless you went with the same excitement as if you were going to a party. With him, I’d get to work every morning and I would be so excited about going to work. 

[...] He just immediately made you feel comfortable, and you were never ever made to feel inferior. Even on a film set, he’d be sat there, waiting for the next setup, and I remember there were times when he would ask the person who was sweeping the floor of the set what he thought. He’d talk aloud about his ideas. He’d set something up and say, "What do you think about that? Should we do this?" and he’d actually listen to what that person had to say. Anybody. He’d listen to what any of us had to say, and I think we were all treated completely equally"

   — Sandy Powell, interviewed by Phillips

My aunt located her copy of Derek Jarman’s Garden for me later that day - a smallish, unassuming publication, on the verge of being swallowed up by the heaving art library that surrounded it (my uncle and aunt are both artists themselves). I was enthralled by it, poring the pages for the rest of my stay. 

^ Derek Jarman at Prospect Cottage. © Howard Sooley

Having spotted a ‘for sale’ sign whilst filming close by, Derek Jarman sought refuge in his Dungeness fisherman’s cottage after being diagnosed as HIV positive in 1986. He dedicated himself to creating a paradisiacal and sustaining garden in the salty, exposed shingle which skirted his new home. 

“Dungeness was England through the looking glass, not William Blake’s bucolic vision of a Jerusalem in this ‘green and pleasant land’. Stark, barren, the sun searing down or rain whipping across the landscape – everything seemed to be dying. Bleached by the sun, ripped by the wind, eaten by salt, laid bare and exposed by the enormity of the sky. A world stripped to its bones, abandoned and motionless except for the dried seedheads of sea kale blowing like tumbleweed in the shadow of the power station. The images are etched in my memory.”  

   — Howard Sooley for Gardens Illustrated

...a pretty tall task then . But that’s what he did. Choosing a spectrum of plants that could stand up to the testing climes of his “Ness”, largely low-lying to endure high winds, others that were already indigenous of the area, Derek Jarman transformed Prospect Cottage into a defiant monument of imagination and hope. 

An unforgettable day in Dungeness

Gradually the landscape flattened, the villages became fewer and further between, then villages became hamlets, and then there was nobody, save the odd remote farmhouse - we wondered how far they must have to travel for groceries!  Then human presence came almost to a standstill, and it felt like we had gatecrashed a sci-fi movie set. Fencing lined the road, periodic signs warning people away from the military firing range, still not a soul to be seen. We weren’t tempted to trespass - it was all pretty spooky! 

And then, on the horizon, a giant appeared. The jagged grey silhouette of Dungeness A and Dungeness B - not one, but two massive nuclear power stations. We popped Boards of Canada on the stereo. I challenge you for a better accompaniment to such a sight.

“The nuclear power station is a wonderment. At night it looks like a great liner or a small Manhattan ablaze with a thousand lights of different colour.” 

   — Derek Jarman, from Derek Jarman’s Garden

We continued along the silent road a while longer, and then suddenly it was there. Years of wondering about the garden, and then there it was, right there, just by the side of the road... no fence, no gate, no borders or barriers of any kind. No separation from the outside at all.

I was relieved to see a handful of people around, though it still felt astonishingly desolate. We pulled up right outside the cottage, amazed it was that easy. 

A jewel in the string of tiny rustic dwellings, and a David to the looming Goliath backdrop of the two nuclear plants, Prospect Cottage bursts with vitality and  vibrance. Emanating a kind of otherworldly, magical quality, it flourishes where all else is bleak, tangerine coloured Californian poppies and sunshine yellow window frames laughing proudly. 

“At first, people thought I was building a garden for magical purposes – a white witch out to get the nuclear power station. It did have magic – the magic of surprise, the treasure hunt.” 

   — Derek Jarman, from Derek Jarman’s Garden

Just as there are no borders, there are no strict lines or flower beds to speak of. Santolina, valerian and the odd red hot poker rise straight from the sea-worn shingle floor, while sea kale sprawls in patches. Hemispheres of gorse and vertically pegged driftwood add degrees of height, while talismanic stone circles and flotsam sculptures ensure the eye is never short of interest. Jarman would comb the beach every morning for new metal treasures, rocks and interesting things washed up by the sea. He’d always reap the biggest rewards following a storm.

“The stones, especially the circles, remind me of dolmens, standing stones. They have the same mysterious power to attract.”

   — Derek Jarman, from Derek Jarman’s Garden

“The sticks and sculptures [...] also had the unexpected gift of providing much-welcomed perches for the migratory birds that navigate over the ness every year. Rare warblers from Russia would stand and catch their breath, staring in at the kitchen window. Then, without warning, they’d lift into the air, catch the wind and be off again to some far and distant land.”

 — Howard Sooley for Gardens Illustrated

 ^ Derek Jarman also scoured the land around the nuclear power plant for bits and pieces to use in the garden, some of it detritus from the Second World War

Already I had felt the enchantment of Derek Jarman’s living legacy exuding from those pages of my aunt’s book, but experiencing it in the flesh was on a different level. It’s as though he left a message there, everlastingly poised and waiting to be received by anyone who visits. 

Standing amidst such a unique and spectacular achievement, by a man who had been dealt such a cruel fate, made me feel incredibly appreciative for all that I have, all that is so easy for me. His life was cut too short, but undoubtedly lived more fully than many who have reached a much older age. 

It also gave me new confidence that in my own creativity I am doing something worthwhile, and that by staying true to myself and not allowing conformity to stifle my output, I can add my own dose of originality and something truly unique to the world.  

 ^ Poppy seed heads

“He was just really encouraging to all young people, and I think that’s what this house could be. It’s this really open house to encourage people to come and be creative and get as much as they can out of it, and I think he would have wanted that.” 

  — Sandy Powell, interviewed by Phillips

 ^ Indigenous sea kale

Long live the legacy

The future of Prospect Cottage was recently left up in the air following the passing of Keith Collins, Derek’s companion during his years in Dungeness, and in whose hands he left the cottage following his death in 1994. 

The Art Fund launched a campaign to save the property from being sold off and falling into private ownership. The £3.5 million required was raised in just ten weeks.

“Securing the future of Prospect Cottage may seem a minor thing by comparison with the global epidemic crisis which has recently enveloped all our lives. But Derek Jarman’s final years at the Cottage were an inspiring example of human optimism, creativity and courage battling against the ravages of illness. In that context, the success of this campaign seems all the more apposite and right for its time.” 

— Stephen Deuchar, Director of Art Fund

“Prospect Cottage will become not a memorial encased in amber, but an active memory. Not an ossified monument, but a breathing testament to a life still awaiting future collaborators”

 — Douglas Fogle for Art Forum 

 ^ The frontward outlook of Prospect Cottage

The whole place is jaw-droppingly unique, the garden itself a post-modern feat of ingenuity. Eerie, exciting, bleak, inspiring... only describable to a point. I implore you not to trust my interpretation and instead go and marvel at it for yourself! And prepare to have it stay with you long after...

Suitable Song -

Annie Lennox’s performance of “Every Time We Say Goodbye” from the AIDS fundraising album Red Hot & Blue. The video features footage of Derek Jarman as a child.

Sources -

https://www.gardensillustrated.com/gardens/country/howard-sooley-prospect-cottage-derek-jarman/?image=1&type=gallery&gallery=2&embedded_slideshow=2

https://www.artforum.com/slant/douglas-fogle-on-derek-jarman-s-imperiled-prospect-cottage-82157

https://wildabouthere.com/derek-jarmans-garden/

https://www.artlyst.com/news/derek-jarmans-prospect-cottage-saved-nation/

https://www.phillips.com/article/54833655/sandy-powell-derek-jarman-charity-auction-prospect-cottage

[skelffricat]

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child. 

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief... 

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email): 

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names... 

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me? 

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision. 

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom. 

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it. 

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

[userkyle]

a list of quotes that I feel like fit with buddie, I personaly use them as gifset inspo and sometimes for writing. Have fun and please tag me in it I would love to see anything you make with these:

(some of these have female pronouns because I wanted to directly quote it but obviously those can be changed)

I got all these quotes from Goodreads (x)

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

“your hand touching mine. this is how galaxies collide.” ― Sanober Khan

“I choose to love you in silence… For in silence I find no rejection, I choose to love you in loneliness… For in loneliness no one owns you but me, I choose to adore you from a distance… For distance will shield me from pain, I choose to kiss you in the wind… For the wind is gentler than my lips, I choose to hold you in my dreams… For in my dreams, you have no end.” ― Rumi

“That’s what it feels like when you touch me. Like millions of tiny universes being born and then dying in the space between your finger and my skin. Sometimes I forget.” ― Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

“Your memory feels like home to me. So whenever my mind wanders, it always finds it’s way back to you.” ― Ranata Suzuki

“Not only did I love her, but I could tell the universe loved her, too. More than others. She was different. After all; I would be a fool not to notice the way the sunshine played with her hair.” ― Christopher Poindexter

“For some people, “the point of no return” begins at the very moment their souls become aware of each others’ existence.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“I'm done. I don't need anything more out of life. I have you, and that's enough.” ― Alessandra Torre

“I love you," he murmured into my hair. "You are my night and stars, the fate I would fix myself to in any life.” ― Roshani Chokshi, The Star-Touched Queen

“He touched my soul long before I knew what his hands felt like.” ― Nikki Rowe

“You make me thank god for every mistake I ever made, Because each one led me down the path that brought me to you.” ― Pablo Neruda, The Poetry of Pablo Neruda

“To me, you were more than just a person. You were a place where I finally felt at home.” ― Denice Envall

“I spend most nights at home falling in love with the idea of you.” ― Michael Faudet 

[bryonysimcox]

You've Got to Look for the Good Stuff: Week 14, Spain

Like light is to darkness, this week has been an antidote to the last. My mood has lifted and the days have flown by, as lockdown continues and we do too.

Sunshine is a simple remedy. Each day this week has been warm and dry, if not bright and sunny too. It’s allowed us to live more inside-outside, which not only makes life easier but lifts my mood. It’s been a stark contrast to the constant rain and cold which dominated last week’s blog post.

I’ve also loved seeing pictures of children out in the streets and parks again, as Spain slowly lifts its coronavirus measures. It’s almost incomprehensible to imagine what it must be like for all these youngsters, many of whom have been cooped up in city-centre apartments with their siblings and parents for weeks and weeks. Even with the generous garden we have here and our weekly walks to the supermarket I’ve been going borderline insane, so I shudder to think how isolation has affected kids and their mental health.

Gaba Podcast live streams continue to punctuate my week. Adam Martin, whose podcast I mentioned in Week 10’s post, shares breathwork and meditative practices that have really helped me ease my busy mind. One of the things Adam talked about this week was what we consider to be ‘exercise’, in light of zealous Brits moaning that people sitting in the park, standing still in public and seemingly staring into space are breaking government-imposed controls around exercise. Adam argues that we consider sport and movement in open space an essential part to looking after our physical health, whilst ignoring the ‘exercise’ or psychological nurturing that our mental health deserves.

While this pandemic takes lives, we need to keep in mind the impact that social distancing is having on our psyches.

I titled this week’s digital diary entry ‘You’ve Got To Look Out For The Good Stuff’ because I’ve realised that there’s plenty of good stuff around, but quite simply, you’ve got to look for it. That might sound pretty obvious, but in comparing this week to the last, I can see that the main thing that’s changed isn’t my situation, but more so my mindset. Admittedly, the sunshine has made a huge difference, but apart from that, we’re still stuck in lockdown in Spain in the same physical, geographical and financial situation that we were in last week.

What’s caused this shift in mindset? Honestly, I don’t know. I think life in lockdown is making us act in all kinds of strange ways, cycling through an emotional spectrum so extreme we’ve rarely experienced it before and yet now feels like the norm. Tears, laughter, smiles and frowns easily paint my face in a matter of hours. So maybe my mood this week has just been luck. But as my shifted mindset has worked its magic, somehow I’ve seen and experienced little nuggets of ‘good stuff’. I hope that some of you have seen and enjoyed those nuggets too, wherever you are.

After rain left the road to the supermarket blocked, we finally made it to the shops this week, when the water subsided.

Perhaps fearful of another rainfall, this time we piled the trolley high in the local Aldi and returned home to stock up the cupboards. A plentiful fridge has resulted in some more cooking adventures - this week including George’s new specialty, Spanish omelette, and a new fave of mine too, veggie paella.

We picked and podded the final batch of broad beans this week, and helped to dig up the patch where they were growing to make way for the vegetables of the coming season: tomatoes, courgettes, cucumbers and peppers. One of the inadvertent blessings of being ‘marooned’ here in Catalunya has been to see and enjoy the changing of the seasons, and my interest in food growing and land management increases with them. George and I have always said we’d like to live in Spain in a self-built tiny house with a bit of land, and somehow we’ve landed in a situation right now that’s not far off! In addition to the vegetables we can get from the garden, I’ve been buying fresh eggs from the neighbour (often still warm from the coop!) which is a real treat.

(images, left to right) ‘Why simple changes [like growing food] are really profound’ a lovely illustration I discovered from Brenna Quinlan, George prepping the soil for tomatoes, and my new favourite thing to cook, veggie paella.

Food isn’t the only ‘good stuff’ to be grateful for. Since I mentioned Simon Mair’s article in my post from Week 11, I’ve been researching ‘Ecological Economics’ and its potential to lead us towards more just and sustainable ways of living. That research finally came to a head this week, when I had the pleasure of interviewing not only Simon himself but also friend and futures thinker from Mumbai, Mansi Parikh.

Making a video about alternative economic futures which address some of the challenges posed by Covid-19 is turning out to be a bit of a challenge in itself!

The interviews with Simon and Mansi were utterly fascinating, and I was so grateful to be able to talk to two super knowledgeable folk, who like me, are passionate about the future and how we can make it better. They shared their time and their insights, and now I’m left with over 150 minutes of recorded zoom calls to make sense of!

I want to use these interviews to make a video which engages people who perhaps wouldn’t usually be interested in economics, without ‘watering down’ the message or intent of the film. It’s such a hard balance to strike, to create something which is at once accessible and engaging but also rich with ideas. As the week progresses, I’ll start editing the footage and hopefully the narrative of the video will reveal itself.

One of the best things about making a new video is the chance to do loads of research! There have been so many articles which have got my brain buzzing, from ‘no-growth’ economics to deliberative democracies, and I’ve also just started reading ‘Fully Automated Luxury Communism’ which is a manifesto for a post-Capitalist future. Even if this research doesn’t directly inform the video I’m working on, it serves to inspire me. I’ve actually found myself a few times this week almost overwhelmed by how much interesting media there is out there to consume, and often just resort to adding thing to my ‘read later’ list, or quoting my favourite gems on Twitter.

(images, left to right) Recording interviews with Mansi and Simon, and my latest reading project...

The realisation of a project we began in January, ‘Place Portraits: Episode 1’ was finally released this week.

George had the idea a while ago to create a video series exploring cities and places through analogue photography. Whilst it was a super simple idea, we thought these short, laid-back videos would contrast with some of the longer-format stuff or more informative films we’re hoping to upload on the Broaden YouTube channel.

Back at the start of our trip we shot on a roll of Kodak Portra 400 and Fujifilm C200, using the trusty Pentax that was once George’s dad’s camera. We’d had the photos back from the processing lab for a while, but have only just completed the edit and got the film online, which is such a nice feeling. We’ve had some lovely responses to the resulting four-minute video, and I’ve especially valued constructive feedback so we can start to think critically about what Episode 2 might look like.

(video) Place Portraits: Episode 1 - Paris

Since ‘The Hundred Miler’ hit 90K views this week (which in and of itself is pretty nuts), I knew I had to temper my expectations about how many views we’d get with Place Portraits. Even though it’s not far past 200 views, each and every one of those views counts and I’m chuffed to see it finally online. Watching Broaden’s audience slowly grow has also served as great motivation to submit The Hundred Miler into film festivals, a process which we started this week.

There’s probably plenty more good stuff which deserves to be celebrated, but the one which can’t go unmentioned is of course the company of others.

Embracing what has become a routine activity for many of us these days, I’ve spent some cheerful hours on phonecalls and videochats to others across the globe.

This week included a three-way call between Ireland, Australia and Spain with dear friends that George and I used to live with catching up on career plans, cats and newfound hobbies. I also enjoyed a game of movie charades (which involved some impressive commitment from some people!) and even attended an evening of ‘drag queen bingo’. These digital hangouts leave me asking ‘Would I be connecting with friends and family this much if the world wasn’t in a global pandemic?’ and I think the answer would be no.

(images) Just some of the beautiful humans that feed my soul.

I’m grateful that these human connections are now much more of a priority. In being restricted to a simpler and more isolated way of living, we’re certainly reassigning value to the things that matter. That’s something which I’ve found from making the economics video and learning about the idea of value, but also something I’ve felt in a visceral way when a phone call with my parents or a friend leaves me beaming.

There’s so much good stuff out there, you’ve just got to be open to it.

[pandoraspocksao3]

What Are You Reading This Week?  10/13/2018

I am a fanfic hoarder, so I’m not going to list every one of the 240+ fics I’ve subscribed to and/or bookmarked. What I will do is list some of the ones I haven’t mentioned that are new or that are updating. There is so much good stuff out there! I can’t begin to list it all, and I’m still finding new ones I want to get to later all the time. I’m going straight down my History list to put these up. 

Here are but a few of what’s on my radar right now:

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (AU):

The Haves and The Have Nots by MissHarper on AO3. (She is @thedarkside-and-thelight here on Tumblr.)

College AU where Rich Boy Ben is a tutor for Poor Girl Rey. 

Crisp, clever, funny dialogue and plenty of sexual tension between Ben and Rey, slow burn

Tutoring is over literature and Greek/Roman mythology - bonus!

Demons Possession by DragonWhiskers ( @belovedunderwing on Tumblr). 

Demon Kylo Ren for some steamy action served Gothic Reylo style (and perfect for October! This updates tomorrow - I mean today - I think I need to finish doing the beta! (Love her work)

Don’t Feed the Bears by @riaria84

One of the funniest AUs I’ve come across, and I’m learning how to be an honorary Canadian because the setting is so immersive! Hockey figures in, and Rey and Ben are Canadian Mounties. Rey’s brother doesn’t know she’s dating Ben. I laugh my ass off every time I read the latest! 

RIA IS GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!!! (10/13/2018) If you know her or read her fics, send her some well wishes and love today! 

Dystopia by @cosmo-gonika

Steampunk AU in which a lethal killing machine android (think Terminator) with no feelings encounters Agent R (Rey) who is trailing him. Then, quote directly from summary,  “ Their meeting and cat-and-mouse game will unveil mysterious, dark secrets from the past.” Two chapters up on this one, but she’s updating once a week.

Accelerant by @3todream3

Firefighter Ben is severely injured in a heroic rescue mission right off the bat, and in hospital recovery meets Nurse Rey. Eagerly awaiting next installment! *I’ve also mentioned her other AU fic, The Lady and the Monster before, which is very good as well. 

The Orchard by @lilia-ula

Vampire AU! This is a short 2-chapter fic, but that makes it a wonderful afternoon read or bedtime read. 

Lilia is really gifted with verse; it’s almost more of a prose/poetry at times. 

But this story is SMUT/EROTICA and for 18+. This is a “bedtime story.” I’m not ashamed; I like my smut reads! I can’t write smut to save my life, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like a spicy read occasionally! 

And if you love that writing style, please click on her profile or subscribe to her user name and check out her other works. Especially This Way Lies Ruin, my favorite of hers. 

Meet Me In the Middle And We’ll Find Our Way Home by @geekmystic  

So fun! So good!  I really love how Ben Solo is written in this one, and Leia!! his mom is saucy - so much like Carrie!

Rey’s car breaks down in a small town and Ben is a mechanic with low self-esteem. I’m now up to the part where they are going to Finn/Poe’s wedding, I think. 

Fast pace and funny, but kinda tugs at the “feels” too, which is a nifty trick to pull off. Subscribe!!!

The Curious Tale of Vader and Millicent by @Saturninefeline 

This is the story of Ben’s cat, Vader, and Hux’s cat, Millicent. Need I say more? 

Kylo and Hux have this snarky at-odds co-worker relationship (set in Star Wars Universe - not sure if it should be in that category)

FUNNY!

The Desert Rose by @lastmouseleft

A favorite author of mine, this story may or may not be your cup of tea - please READ THE TAGS first.

My draw to this is the Jinns...I don’t want to get her background wrong, but Mouse is well traveled and her tales are like something out of Arabian Nights...but this one has a lot of #nsfw in it and Rey is in a harem - haven’t got that far, but she doesn’t use them for gratuitous scenes. 18+ ONLY - please don’t read a story that might make you uncomfortable if you are younger. I try to include a bit of everything for everyone, and I know I have some younger readers - would advise you guys not to read it.

Music to My Ears by Amybee

Completed story (38 chapters)

Classical music - highly rec’d y @nancylovesreylo

First chapter was great - amazing writing style. I think it’s probably pretty fantastic, but haven’t have the time to read it and find out. I trust Nancy though.

Creatures of Darkness by @bunilicious

A “Sleepy Hollow” AU, on my “to read” list! 

Bitter As Coffee, As Sweet As Sunshine by @pacificwanderer

Coffeeshop Au by a truly talented writer

Setting is Seattle

Fluff and humor

Reylo for the Soul!

STAR WARS UNIVERSE:

Hypothermia by @lucidlucy

Sex on a cracker. (No, not literally). Major guilty pleasure read with very long chapters, but she just updated the fourth recently. Great (ahem) bedtime reading!

Unbidden by @perrydowning

I know, DUH - very popular author, but for good reason. I mention this one because she’s settled now and updating regularly, and Unbidden is getting ready to wrap up, so it’s a good time to start if you haven’t and a good time to tune in if you want to read along with everyone else to the end! 

Songs of Innocence, Songs of Wisdom by @cosmo-gonika

Her brief break to finish up that pesky PhD thesis is over and she’s back and writing Songs again with a vengeance, so rejoice! This powerful fic uses great original characters as well. Very sexy as well as great action sequences. Reylo hot, but also Reylo tender with “all the feels.” 

Landscape with a Blur of Conquerors by Diasterisms @kylorenvevo

You’re probably reading it, too! If you aren’t, it lives up to the hype and has mystery, world building, enemies to lovers to arranged marriage to angst and humor - well, read for yourselves!

Glory’s Fray by @avidvampirehunter

Gladiator Kylo Ren - oh, I want to get back to this one and am sooooo busy this weekend! But the mystery and action of the first couple chapters I read was enough to hook me! 

It’s popular, but again, it deserves the kudos. Very well written from my limited start on it.

I have TONS more I’m reading or have read that I could add, but this is long enough as it is! You can always PM me if you are looking for a specific topic and if I know of a story that fits, I’ll tell you. 

My own fics aren’t listed here and I don’t read my own stories for fun, but if you want to check them out, you can see what I’ve written here.

But I admit I don’t hold a candle to the ones listed here! I just try to improve for myself and not to compete with others. Writing is fun, but so is reading! 

Further recs on stories if you want them can be found @thereylowritingden, and @nancylovesreylo reads a ton and relogs updates on her blog, so it’s a great place to see what’s just updated, and she gives great reading suggestions. And there is @reylofic and probably some others, and don’t forget just to search in the search bar on Tumblr using reylo fanfiction or Reylo fanfic. 

Okay, that was long - for all y’all bugging me to do another list, here it is! I don’t think I’ll have a Halloween rec list up, but someone will, I’m sure. 

Feel free to reblog the post and add on fictions YOU feel would be good reads. 

Thanks for taking the time to read all this if you in fact read this far! Isn’t it wonderful we have such a talented fandom with so many topics and writing styles to entertain us! 

Have a great weekend, everyone! I MAY update The Hypnotist this weekend, but we’ll see how it goes. Yikes, I need sleep!!!! 

Happy Reading!

`Pandora