#quoting myself: the things I do for fanfiction...

[youling-the-ghost]

After a month of procrastination hard work, chapter 3 of To Be Loved (And to Be In Love) is finally finished!!

This is Old Lady Margaery's debut in my fic so that's pretty neat.

[thatlesbiancrow]

i once wrote a comment so long it surpassed the ao3 character limit and ive been chasing that high ever since

[kerink]

in light of people's confusion over cecil's longevity in @sexymanotd i wanted to document a bit of his history for those unfamiliar or nostalgic

welcome to night vale is a podcast written by joseph fink and jeffrey cranor. cecil gerschwin palmer is the main character and voiced by cecil baldwin.

it debuted on june 15, 2012 it reached its peak in popularity in 2013-2014

despite this, wtnv has been one of tumblr's top fandoms since staff started tracking fandom-related data in 2014

for the longest time the only thing we knew about cecil's appearance was: "He is wearing a tie. He is not tall or short. Not thin or fat." and that wasn't until episode 19 which aired march 15, 2013. for almost a full year we had no idea what cecil looked like. so tumblr's collective unconscious kicked into high gear and we did what we do best

we created a tumblr sexyman

from know your meme: "Defining traits of the archetype include skinny body type, trickster or villain role and dapper clothing."

know your meme identifies wheatley (portal 2, 2011) and the onceler (the lorax, 2012) as being likely tumblr's first sexymen. and the onceler fandom was at its peak in 2012-2013, the same time as wtnv. in addition to this, the hannibal fandom has been cited as one of the contributing factors to wtnv's success on tumblr.

so tumblr had created an archetype that worked and the wtnv fandom was made up of mostly hannibal fans - the foundation for putting cecil in a suit was there. and honestly? cecil's at work in the show, why wouldn't he be well dressed?

however, while this explains his attire it doesn't explain some of cecil's more unique sexyman features, namely the tentacles. for this we have to return to the 2014 fandom review analysis where you can see the most popular fandom at the time: homestuck

haven't you ever wondered why almost a quarter (189/923 at time of writing) of E rated wtnv fics on ao3 are tagged tentacles or tentacle sex? why cecil having tentacles for a dick is such a seemingly popular headcanon? well look no further then homestuck cultural hold over.

throughout all of this, the development of the sexyman archetype on tumblr and the rise of homestuck, one creator really stands out: kinomatika

kino was one of the most popular homestuck artists on tumblr at the time, popular for their eridan fanart. if you google image search "welcome to night vale" kino's art is still one of the first results you'll get

their design was so popular in fact it was featured in wtnv related articles from the time

and yes there were absolutely other artists giving cecil tentacles and moving tattoos at the time, but it can't be understated the reach kino had and the influence their homestuck roots had on their design choices

i recommend going through the archive of @nightvaleartclub to see how cecil used to be portrayed back in the early days. unfortunately the earliest fanart i've been able to find is july 2013 and i find it hard to believe it took tumblr a year to draw him. although, i started listening at episode 5 and didn't start drawing him until then myself so who knows...

cecil has had tumblr's heart in a vice grip since episode 1, with "20,000 posts, 183,000 blogs and 680,000 notes using the #Night Vale tag" during its first week. tumblr's love for wtnv has always been fairly genuine, from the impact the writing has had on tumblr humor and future story telling, to how wtnv paved the way for lgbt+ representation in indi media, to how it popularized podcasts as a medium for story telling, to the little comforts some of cecil's quotes still bring people today

cecil is not only a founding father of tumblr culture, but also a blorbo of the people. cecil the character in canon has a tumblr account where he posts his art and slash fanfiction.

although cecil's character has developed over time and we've come to see what a ditzy, eccentric, brat he really is, changing his status from sexyman to babygirl, cecil is absolutely a character you should embrace. and you know what... despite what i've said in the past

#cecilsweep

[ID: Images one and two are Google analytic graphs for the search terms "welcome to night vale" and "wtnv" between June 15, 2015 and January 27, 2023. They both depict very sharp spikes around 2013-2014 until the lines decrease greatly over time.

Image three is a drawing of Cecil from Welcome To Nightvale. He is white, with white hair, glasses, a third eye on his forehead, and he is wearing a suit. In the background is the silhouette of a neighborhood from the WTNV official art, a galaxy, and a moon. It is tinted purple. Image four is the always has been meme. Instead of the earth is the tumblr logo, and the text is: “a wtnv fansite?” “Always has been”. End ID] id thanks to @princess-of-purple-prose

[cleolinda]

Re: @dduane's post about authors staying away from fanfic for legal reasons:

This is a strange contribution, but years ago, I got quoted on the topic, if you'd like to see the full thread in the article up there. And while I'd spent a lot of time thinking of copyright in terms of someday publishing a novel--that is, from the position of the author rather than the fan--the experience I was talking about was actually on the other side of it. I was the fan who could have potentially sued an IP holder. Except that the production sent my teenage unsolicited script back, still sealed, in a second/larger envelope, very clearly unopened and unread. (You can recognize a manuscript by the sheer heft of it. Nothing good comes in that many sheets of paper you didn't ask for.) Years later, an episode aired that I felt was weirdly similar to my script--except that the show could prove that it was coincidence. They hadn't read it.

If they hadn't sent my script back so unceremoniously, I could have believed in my heart of hearts that they'd "stolen" from me, when I was the one who had managed to extrapolate the kind of thing they would write. I could have tried to sue them, wasted our time and money in court, most likely lost, and spent the rest of my life being bitter about getting ripped off. And meanwhile, the show hadn't asked for any of that and didn't do anything wrong.

That's why authors clap their hands over their eyes and start yelling LA LA LA CAN'T SEE IT. Because I can tell you, I was 14 and full of hopes and I had the best intentions, but throwing my unsolicited writing at them would not have helped anyone, including myself.

[2uuno]

[sicklyworm]

Hi yes I would like to hear your thoughts on Shang Qinghua and his characterization (both in canon and in fanfic). I've always really enjoyed the fics with the like,, BAMF!Shang Qinghua tag, but i also can't decide if his cowardice is an act or not, if that makes sense? Or if it's a bit of both.

Oh my gosh thank you for this ask. Please forgive me anon for the absolute rant that's about to happen because of it!!!

I'm going to break down this ask into chunks so properly and thoroughly answer every part of it!

Starting with,

SQH's cannon characterization:

I spent several hours trying to type out a good yet manageable description of his characterization but I found that no matter how hard I try it's a bit too long for a reasonable Tumblr post.

So instead of just ditching this like a normal person I instead started on a essay going over Shang Qinghua's characterization with quotes and analysis!

At the moment of posting it is not currently completed but I'll make sure to reblog this post with the link to the document once it's done!

Now moving on to,

SQH's characterization in fanfiction:

I'm an avid fanfiction reader myself so I see a plethora of different authors writing different arcs for SQH so obviously he's going to act differently in each one.

The thing I think makes or breaks alot of fanfiction with him is whether the author can properly distinguish between their voice and his. As a highly relatable character a lot of us writers can have a pretty hard time distinguishing him as a character from ourselves! When this happens writers can accidentally take bits and pieces of themselves that don't quite match up with him and kind of force them into the characterization of him!

There's also like the cases of hyperfeminization or character bashing but I feel like those are more of a generalized problem then something SQH specific.

Next is,

Is SQH actually a coward or was it just an act?

This question was one I wrestled with quite a bit when I was first starting to dissect his character.

He plays dead and grovels easily when he feels threatened yet displays tremendous courage when it has to do with MBJ. Whether it be saving MBJ from falling to his death or from MBJ'S own uncle, he is necessarily putting himself in danger just for the safety of someone else.

These behaviors by definition conflict with SQH being a coward but It still feels incomplete to just say "he's not a coward case closed." Because he does act incredibly pathetically at times and has betrayed quite a few people!

So after a bit more deliberation I came to the conclusion that "his coward status is determined by his personal connection towards the subject"

If the subject is not close to him or his heart then it is completely subjected to all of SQHs shady and cowardly tendencies. Even if the subject is kinda close to him I believe these cowardly behaviors will definitely cut back some but under enough threat he will ultimately choose his own personal safety.

But in the case he has a deep emotional connection to the subject he seems willing to show tremendous courage and bravery in order to protect said subject.

Example of this playing out in cannon is:

The Sect - low emotional attachment = full rat bastard mode.

Shen Yuan - mid emotional attachment = normal level of courage but will cave under pressure.

Mobei-jun - high motional attachment = huge levels of courage that won't cave under pressure.

✧✧✧

Extra:

My ADHD was going off the rails with this post so I have no idea how coherent it is.

Anyways i am also a big fan of the BAMF!SQH tag and would love if you dropped off some recommendations in my ask box!

[minamorsart]

Heyy , I love your fanfictions , so beautifully written especially the ones about Lotor and Allura , which brings me to my question , do you think that if Lotor survived , he would make his way to Allura to win back her heart 💖 (AWESOME ART BTW💯🤗🙌)

Firstly, hello!!! Thank you for taking the time to write me an ask, these always make my day! Secondly, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Not only for your kind words, but also taking the time to read my fanfictions and look at my art??! 😭😭 I'm so honored!!! 😖🙏💖

In regards to your question, short answer: YES ABSOLUTELY! I can't help it, it's the romantic in me 😆 And below the cut I'd like to get into the why!

Also lookit that height difference, so cute~~

One of the most compelling things about Lotor's character is how ambitious he is. Not only is it a desirable trait in a potential partner, especially from Allura's perspective ;) but it makes his behavior and choices that much more interesting to watch. Although it's hard to say exactly what his endgame was in the show, particularly when it comes to the Altean colonies (we're supposed to believe he was using them as batteries, but to what end??! something still don't add up), there are some things that can be explained, both from actual given information from the show and personal conjectures I've made for myself ^^

Let's start with him becoming emperor. I personally like to believe that he actively wanted the throne. His relationship with other Galra overall is unfortunately not good at all, which you can see in his interactions with other Galra such as Throk and Sendak. But once he is given the opportunity, Lotor puts everything into becoming emperor and making the Galra Empire his. His appearance at the Kral Zera comes as a shock to everyone, and his demanding and domineering regard towards them all is awesome to watch. Plus it's his right! He is the prince after all, so I just love the idea of him coming into his own, demonstrating his birthright and his capabilities, and taking what's rightfully his.

Also what a power move it was to finally make Lotor the emperor in this version of Voltron??! The only other iteration I've seen is DotU, so it is possible that in the other shows and comics he also became emperor, but it's just SO satisfying to watch in VLD this banished, pariah prince quickly become ruler of the most powerful empire in the universe! You love to see it.

After he becomes emperor he takes his title seriously and uses it to acquire one of the things he wants, which is gaining access to the Rift with Allura's help and providing unlimited quintessence for all of the Galra. I'm sure there is more that he wanted to do with it, but again, some things don't add up and we sadly don't have all of the information, so I'm afraid we can only guess from here! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But in the meantime he doesn't take his role as emperor lightly. In his big speech in season 6 he is harsh, demanding, and even threatening. And I am all about it!!!

Don't get me wrong, while I absolutely love kind, soft, and romantic Lotor, I also dearly love cold, devious, and even malicious Lotor as well. You see this a lot with complicated male characters in epic stories: Kylo Ren and Qimir from Star Wars, Paul Atreides from Dune, Michael Corleone from The Godfather, and Sauron from The Rings of Power! What exactly I find so compelling about these kinds of characters can be summed up perfectly in this quote from Dune:

"...the Duke is really two men. One of them I love very much. He's charming, witty, considerate... tender—everything a woman could desire. But the other man is... cold, callous, demanding, selfish—as harsh and cruel as a winter wind."

- Dune by Frank Herbert, page 104

Lotor's unwielding ambition I think at times can give him tunnel vision, as we can see at the start of season 6 when Lotor wanted Allura to stay and help him with getting quintessence (again, using his resources and title as emperor to pursue what he wants) before Allura reminded him of his duties to his people in the moment. So he can be reasoned with lol!

And so! The reason why I bring all of this up, why I love thinking about the many sides of Lotor and how differently he acts with certain people, the many masks he will wear depending on what he wants, is to invite you to consider how he views his relationship with Allura. His growing feelings for her I'd say are more internalized until the last two episodes of season 5, but until then I like to think that it was never in his plans to get close to her. He wanted to team up with Voltron, yes, but he never could have anticipated falling for the Altean princess ;) What started out as a reluctant alliance and a simple means to accomplish his own end soon blossomed into genuine respect and love.

I have my own ideas as to how I would want Lotor to survive and redeem himself, just as I am certain you and all of us Lotura fans have our own ideas! And they are 1000% valid!!! At its foundation, if Lotor was to live and prove that he can be trusted again, I absolutely believe that he would do everything he could to make things right with Allura. Again, he is ambitious! Once he's decided on something, he will not stop until he's succeeded. If one plan doesn't work he forms a new one. He never gives up. He definitely respects Allura's agency, so of course he would never push her into a relationship with him (looking at you Lance ¬_¬) but I do sincerely believe Lotor would persist in terms of proving to her and the others that he can be trusted as an ally again.

And now we get into Allura's opinion in all of this!! What would she think were Lotor to survive and come back into her life again? And well, I have a really long answer for that too lol! We already see in the series finale how she came to understand Lotor's perspective. We also could see in seasons 5 and 6 how much she really liked him and how head over heels she was for him. Like how adorable was that?? Our girl deserves to be that much in love ;_; After Sincline's return and Lotor appearing in Allura's room in season 8, it is clear that she was still torn up about him, and that she still had feelings for him.

This tweet sums up basically all of my favorite ships:

Of course in this context I mean this as a joke lol, but there's truth to it! Because at the end of the day, no one is going to understand Allura like Lotor understands her. Even Coran, who comes from the same planet and circumstances as she, would frequently express his doubts about her decisions. His heart is in the right place, and they have a very sweet father-daughter-type relationship and he just wants to protect her. But he just doesn't get her the way Lotor gets her. Nowadays when I think about the difference between how Coran treats Allura and how Lotor treats Allura, I think of this quote from The Acolyte showrunner:

“'Do you want to be a part of this thing that I'm a part of?' Most fathers do this with their sons and their daughters, but when fathers do it to daughters, it's tricky, in my opinion. When an equal, like The Stranger, like a partner, says, 'I've experienced something, and I think you would benefit from it. I have a similar history to you, and in adulthood, I would lay it at your feet as a possible tool kit for you to pick up and forge your life with, unlike something that's instilled in you the way that your father instilled a lot of your hopes and dreams in you.'”

- Lesyle Headland, interview with Collider

Though this quote is very specific to Osha's different relationships with Sol and Qimir, I think it applies to Allura, Coran, and Lotor too! Like all parents with their children, Coran has this idea in his head as to what is best for Allura. And I love the man with my whole heart, but it's clear that he would rather keep her safe than let her grow.

Lotor, on the other hand, wants to see Allura grow and thrive. He not only wants to see her reach her full potential, but he also sincerely views her as an equal. They also have so much more in common than they do with literally any other character in the show. He alone can see her power, her potential, her greatness. In turn, he wants to share with her his experiences, his ambitions, as well as his desires. And she is drawn to him in part because of them!

So I genuinely believe that, given enough time, they would both be able to reconcile, to heal the wounds left behind by their hurtful words and their parting, and resume their relationship which had only just begun. Because despite all of the pain they went through and all of the things they said to each other, some of which I'm sure they didn't mean in the moment, they still cared for each other. After all, Allura was the only one who didn't want to leave Lotor behind in the Rift! Between the two of them, the feelings were still there. They never left <3

As more time passes after the show's finale I find more and more things to appreciate about both of Lotor and Allura's characters. Your question has enabled me to dive deep into these new appreciations, so I sincerely thank you for that! They are my number #1 ship of all time, and I am always happy to go on suuuuper long tangents about them 😆 And if you disagree with anything I said, that's okay too! In the end I do hope you were able to get something out of it, and thank you once again for asking! Have a wonderful rest of your day!!! 💖💜

[oristian]

Truthfully, I have gotten so exhausted with the fanbase drama and I have only been active in the community for roughly four months. My favorite character is Nesta and I get told on a daily basis that I’m an abuser, I’m toxic, I am a walking red flag, I receive death threats, et cetera. I ship Elucien and Gwynriel and Jassa and I have been continuously harassed and bullied and doxxed over my analysis posts and videos. Will I ever change my mind on either? No.

As a community, we need to do better. We all may claim that we are correct, but until SJM drops the book announcements, we are all going in circles. I come on here a few times to the same arguments being made every single day—the same quotes from the book, the same interactions, the same types of analysis, et cetera. The books have been read inside and out and the lack of any new information is leading to making any sort of new content tedious and boring. How many ways can we possible all say the same thing?

We are all pointing fingers, we are all talking about each other in group chats, we are all getting into senseless arguments, and we are all feeding into the toxicity that festers in this fanbase. Of course, there is behavior on both sides that borderlines extreme and I hold both sides accountable—myself included. At the end of the day, we all read these books because we enjoy them and I think we should celebrate that instead of tearing others down for not sharing the same opinion.

There is joy in engaging with others who like the same things that you do—sharing fanart, fanfictions, theories, etc cetera. Consistently being negative every single day diminishes that joy and creates an echo chamber and a cycle that truly never stops.

[pinguwrites]

Sub!Robert Fischer where he's tied up and being overstimmed repeatedly. He's crying his eyes out while reader degrades him for being spoiled and rich (I've been reading ur work for some time, but requesting for the first time!)

I’m glad you like my work and I’m glad you requested as well!

Drabble: you degrade and overstimulate Rob

pairing | sub!robert fischer x girlfriend!reader

Warning: overstimulation, degradation/ a little bit of praise, loads of crying from rob, impact play, dom/mean!reader, sub!robert, daddy issues, p in v sex, mention of teasing/edging, robert's a masochist at this point, they have a safeword, ma'am kink

Disclaimer: Inception characters, plots, quotes, etc. do not belong to me and belong to the rightful owner(s). This is only fanfiction and this is just for fun.

A/N: Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I wrote like 7k for one fic, and 6k for another, and I progressively got slower the closer I got to finishing, it's like a fucking exponential graph. That's why I haven't been writing smaller things, but you know what? Fuck that. I told myself I was going to stay dedicated but now I'mma just do what I want.

Robert gazed up at you as you crawled on top of him, his lower lip wobbling, tears dripping down his cheek like rain. He savored the brief touch of your hands on his chest, and whined when you moved away, but he made sure not to be too loud, lest he get some punishment.

"Ma'am?" Robert asked tentatively, not sure wether he was alowed to speak or not.

"Yes, Rob?" you hummed, focusing on tightening his restraints. Just a few minutes before Robert had been squirming and squealing, tugging on his ropes, and now that you were done with that particular bit of torture, you had to make sure they were secure again.

“Can you ride me?” he asked. “Please?”

"Dunno."

Robert shifted his legs. Gosh, you loved his legs. His thighs were so soft and lightly haired, you loved running your hands across them, no matter how many times he complained your touch was cold.

"Do you think you deserve it?" you added.

"You've been edging me for so long," he pathetically whimpered. "I need — "

" — Of course you do," you cut him off. "What am I even saying? You rich fuckers are all the same — spoiled, bratty. Just a need a strong woman to put them in their place, huh?”

Robert's eyes glistened. He was about to sob again. Good thing you brought tissues.

"It's not like that. Please, just . . ."

"Then what's it like?"

Robert stayed silent, clearly afraid of saying the wrong thing. You already knew the answer. It was his fetish, his kink, but he also liked being cared for and nurtured and guided. You just wanted to hear him say it, but judging at way he was behaving, you weren't sure if you could get a coherent response out of him that wasn't a beg to be fucked.

You slapped him across the face, savoring the little noise he made.

"Should've known your mouth was no good for anything. Stupid puppy."

"Yeah," he nodded eagerly, his cock twitching. "M'just a stupid puppy for you. Please, please, fuck me."

"Won't even offer to eat me out? You haven't made me come a single time today."

Robert looked down, embarrassed.

"Fine."

Without a warning you sunk down onto his cock, drenching him with your wet juices, your tits bouncing in the air. He let out a moan, his head hitting the pillow, eyes closing, relaxing as he finally, finally got the release he wanted.

But when he came, you didn't stop. You still hadn't come, and you weren't stopping until you did.

"Pretty boy," you said, then looked down with a fake pout. "Aww? Is this too much for you?"

"Y-yes," he choked out.

"Well, you're gonna have to fucking deal with it."

He shook his head adamantly.

"Isn't this what you asked for?" His eyes rolled. You pat his cheeks, getting him to focus on you. "Color?" you asked.

". . . Ah, greeeen!"

"There ya go," you cooed, moving your hips up and down. "I wouldn't be doing this if I knew you couldn't handle it. Now, tell me — tell me you're my bitch."

"I'm your bitch!" Robert sobbed, his body shaking. "I just need you so bad all the time, ma'am, I can't help myself."

"I know," you soothed, wiping his tears. "I know. You're doing so well."

That seemed to calm him down a little. Praise always did.

"I just wanna be good for you, ma'am." You could tell he was getting ready to come again.

"You are — you're a good boy," you reassured. "Now stop squiggling, okay? Or I'm going to have to punish you again."

Robert nodded, feeling like his brain was melting. At this point, you could do anything to him and he would be on his knees, thanking you.

Taglist: @henrywintersdearestgirl @shroombloom-rry @meetmeatyourworst @mrkdvidal1989 @madnessandobsession @slut4thebroken

[soleillunne]

Tag Game!!

I thought it'd be fun to make a tag game for everyone, so here's my version!!

alongside this picrew, and 2 pictures you think describes you, answer some questions about yourself.

What’s something you’re really passionate about, and how did you discover it?

What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend or free time?

What’s a piece of advice or a quote that has stuck with you over the years?

What’s your go-to comfort food or drink when you’re feeling down? (Bonus points if you can give a recipe)

What’s the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given or received

Bonus: What’s a random fun fact about yourself that most people don’t know?

i'll go first

I'm Alyssa!

What’s something you’re really passionate about, and how did you discover it?

Mythology! I've been super into mythology in general since I was in middle school, and i can just talk about it for hours. I first discovered it when my friend forced me to read Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson series, and it spiraled from there.

What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend or free time?

Most of the time I have to take extra classes during weekends, but other than that I read whenever I can! Be it a physical copy, a pdf or even fanfiction I spend most of my time reading. But when I can find some time for myself I either write or make bracelets. Sometimes I work on my ocs' lore with my friend, so it really depends on how busy I am at that moment.

What’s a piece of advice or a quote that has stuck with you over the years?

My mom once told me "If someone isn't willing to value you or your efforts, don't waste your time on them. Don't give your all to people who won't do the same." And while it sounds mean at first, it's actually helped me over the years.

What’s your go-to comfort food or drink when you’re feeling down? (Bonus points if you can give a recipe)

Sütlaç has been one of my top comfort foods for years now. It's a Turkish dessert made with rice, milk and sugar (and cinnamon, honey or nuts if i'm feeling fancy) Though sometimes i make cookies instead!

What’s the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given or received?

I made over 300 paper stars in a sitting for my friend, each star representing a day i'd have known her on her birthday. I chose paper stars because they meant a lot to her. I also got her a (plastic) rose because she told me she thought she'd never get flowers from anyone.

Bonus: What’s a random fun fact about yourself that most people don’t know?

I used to be afraid of dogs when I was younger. The reason was because my granddad had a little dog that loved running around. Whenever we went to visit my grandparents the little thing would chase me around the garden until one of us dropped because of exhaustion. I think this was my first childhood trauma.

Tagging (no pressure!) : @romaritimeharbor , @kopivie , @ruruumin , @strxnged , @femivi +

@mlkbwunnies , @aureusveill , @milk-violet , @camvrin , @strryskys + anyone who would like to join!

[underesources]

FRANTIC FANFIC SENTENCE STARTERS

quotes that me and my friends have written , taken from various fanfictions. trigger warnings for swearing and caps.

❛ my gay thoughts detector is going off. gaydar , thats the word i was looking for. ❜

❛ This is not about me. ❜

❛ I'll kill you. ❜

❛ We can leave and be gay together. ❜

❛ Can there not be peace and love in this galaxy and the next ? ❜

❛ Shall we continue the cycle of violence , instead of fostering hope and light into the universe ? ❜

❛ You know i would never do that to you. ❜

❛ Don't lump me in with him. ❜

❛ Be afraid not , I come in peace. ❜

❛ We just have some . . . unfinished business. ❜

❛ You think that will earn you mercy ? ❜

❛ You there ! Halt ! Pray thee ! ❜

❛ I have a gift for you. ❜

❛ I hate you. ❜

❛ HERE COMES CHICK HICKS ONTO THE RACEWAY !!!!!!!!! ❜

❛ That's what my wife called me before she fell to her death , one hundred feet into a ravine. ❜

❛ They put me in this awful dress ! ❜

❛ It's not even high quality fabric ! ❜

❛ You really have got to be more careful. ❜

❛ Bby girl you're looking so bad. You look so bad. ❜

❛ You mean you really don't like it ? ❜

❛ No. that shit sucks. ❜

❛ I should have known ! This has your stench all over it ! ❜

❛ I ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU AS MORE OF A DOGBOY , MYSELF. ❜

❛ I COULDN'T BEAR SEEING YOU IN . . IN CAT EARS !! ❜

❛ Hey. Look at me. ❜

❛ Did you know . . everyone can die ? ❜

❛ You've made a terrible mistake coming in here. ❜

❛ How . . . how did you do that ? ❜

❛ You're just a rat ! ❜

❛ I am all that is evil and dark and sexy ! ❜

❛ Stop saying things like that ! ❜

[doctorpandorica]

So Fanfiction, Deadpool and Wolverine, and Logan, made have a fucking epiphany about my mental health. Seeing it sky rocket at the box office, gives me hope that A, I am not alone and B, the world can be a better place. And I have to say, I really do believe both Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman deserve the world.

For the first time in my life yesterday, I looked at myself and thought I look pretty. The FUCKING kicker is I did again this morning and I felt the same way. Maybe just a baby step, but it's a step in the right fucking direction mother fuckers. But, How did I get here (Yes, I'm pulling this shit on you).....

I have horrendous fear of endings and I finally learned....or accepted it's because it's symptomatic of my misery. Things like desperation, depression and anxiety can trick you into the allure of mistaking familiarity as comforting, even when it's hurting you. That you are far less that what you are actually and are deserving of far less than you actually do, that the consequences of our choices are proof that our pessimistic view is the whole of reality.

But, it's only half of the truth and that is the majesty of realism, seeing the glass is both half full and half empty. The best understanding of Pessimism, Optimism and realism can be explained in a quote by William Arthur Ward. Where the three are stuck out at sea on a sail boat,

"The Pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."

To make the best choices in life you need to see every possibility and my heart goes out to those that are so blinded by pessimism, hope seems like fairy tale. I mean it's hard enough even if you can see things are possible but, it's still a bitch of an up road battle.

Which brings me to one of the most devastating ones in my life, the death of my dad. I always wondered how someone who seemed so sure of himself, could understand my pain so well. In hindsight I knew he had very hard life, it shouldn't have surprised me that he not only had crippling OCD, Anxiety but, depressions that at times reached suicidal ideations.

I was more my father's daughter than I realized, and took those fucking movie, to really appreciate what that meant.

Don't blindly accept things, ask questions.

If I had, I would've realized it's not that I don't care what others think, I'm really fucking depressed. And that's why I don't put effort in what I wear, or personal hygiene or wear make up. Never assume to know who you are, that's part of the majesty of life, that not knowing.

You never truly fail, until you give up.

For more clarity , I would like to add, some words of wisdom from a beloved science teacher,

"If at first you don't succeed, find out why"

Treat people fairly, across the board "Give people a chance"

To be sparingly coupled with, both

Trust your gut

This requires a lot of hard work, with self regulation and introspection. I've found DBT or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy to be very helpful. Which I must add the following because, I was wrongfully diagnosed with Autism (feeds into the dangers of acceptance). My therapist who diagnosed me ironically introduced to me the saving grace that is DBT. But, told me it wouldn't help me because I am autistic which she came to the conclusion based on ...

Flat Effect

Only developed when I hit puberty, the same time I developed depression and anxiety. People don't develop autism later on in their life, they are born with it.

Black and white thinking

If anything I think this is the problem with society and for anyone to say this about me, has obviously never heard me talk about anything. I found this utterly insulting

Anger prone

Repressed emotions and didn't start happening until 20's

Lack of Eye contact

I get really nervous around meeting new people, particularly if they stand really close to me for some fucking reason.  Once I get to know people I have no problem looking them in the eye.

Lack of Socialization

Low self-esteem brought on by my Depression

Social Anxiety and general Anxiety (fear of doing something wrong)

I actually do have a desire to socialize, but mistook relief after social based anxious episodes as me not liking it.

The same was done with someone very close to me, who was told they were Bipolar even though it didn't fit. They chose to trust they 're doctor, and was proven insanely wrong by they're new Doctor who aptly diagnosed them as having Borderline Personality and they are doing so much better.

Anyway I participated in a DBT group for about 16 weeks or so, one of which was diagnosed late in life with a form of autism. And the difference by the end of those weeks only strengthened my faith in DBT.

Don't start anything, but always finish

Don't go looking for a fight but, stand up for yourself when necessary, emphasis on necessary.

As long as people aren't hurting others or themselves, mind your own business

For some people this can be tricky, especially for those guided by their idealized narratives of the world. Again DBT can help with this in the grand scheme of things.

I mistakenly thought, that because I didn't seem to react how I would expect (bad assumptions) that I was fine. Even though, I was able to acknowledge that I was deeply depressed, which I was able to trace back to age 11, which for clarity was 20 years ago. Which fun fact I only discovered in my senior year of high school, followed by my anxiety a year later my first year of college. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE !!! EVEN IF YOU ARE GOING TO DIE TOMORROW!!! HAPPYNESS MAY NOT BE A CHOICE BUT THE PATH TO IT IS!!!

More In-depth analysis of how Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds and Marvel factor into follow in follow up post. Because This post is too damn long, already. Thank you to those who read it all the way through , I wish you contentment.

[sophsicle]

In all seriousness - and meaning no disrespect, I’m just curious - do you have a specific reason as to why you’ve never written a sex scene (as in “regular sex” - quote/unquote because that’s subjective) between Regulus and James?

mmm

i guesssss

well okay, there are probably a couple answers to this question

i mean one, and i know you put "regular sex" in quotes/unquotes and i GET it i swear, but i just always feel the need to pushback against the idea that penetrative sex is the only form of "real" or "regular" sex, cause i just, idk, i don't like that narrative and i think it's so pervasive and it's something i find myself arguing with my friends about (usually my straight friends admittedly but still), like in my opinion? sex is any act of physical intimacy you want it to be, and so, i do think James and Regulus have sex in Choices, arguably multiple times (i know this feels like a semantics thing but i really really do believe we need to get away from a) centring penetration and b) believing that "sex" is a singular act or like an actual objective thing and not just a concept you are completely in control of defining)

THE OTHER answer, probably, is that i have a very complicated relationship with sex and so I like to use fanfiction as a way to show more complicated sexual relationships, because i find i don't often get that in traditional media, and i guess Regulus, to me, just feels like a character that that makes sense for, so usually that's how my jegulus plays out :)

[choicesficwriterscreations]

February Creator of the Month: Noesapphic

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is the lovely @noesapphic!   The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Noe is fine, really!

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started in 2018. I was bored in a friend's house and fighting good old insomnia when I saw the app and tried it for funsies. The first book was 'High School Story'. 

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined around late 2018 early 2019 and I had just left my community in Amino because the admin had gone full puritanical dictator and I was curious about Tumblr.

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

It was simple: my nickname is Noe and I am a sapphic (aka lesbian). It's a no-brainer, really. 

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

It was a reblogged quote. I related to what it said and I reblogged it 

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

I write fanfiction. God did not grant me art skills I'm afraid. My fingers are too fat and my pulse is terrible. 

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I've been creating for fandoms as long as I can remember. I've had a really troubled life, so creating stuff helped me. As for Choices, I've been creating stuff since 2019 

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Without a doubt, Desire and Decorum. The first book is simply a masterlist and its characters are so well-written, and everything about it just draws me to it. They definitely botched the other books, but it will always be in my heart. I also enjoy creating for other historical books and books that have similar themes 

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

It was a set of headcanons of Mr. Sinclaire and my MC, Celestine, finding out that they're going to be parents. While my spelling is terrible, I wouldn't change a thing. The engagement I received was such, it drove me to write for more. I haven't stopped creating since. 

9- What your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

It's no secret for anyone who pays attention to my blog: my au, The Cursed Heiress, is probably my best creation. It's complex and a juggernaut of lore and history, and has all I've ever wanted in a fic and book in it. Although a close second is my Tudor AU, For Love and Duty. I simply love the 'arranged marriage' trope 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

The second part of a one shot, A True Man, was probably one of the most difficult to write, and with a very traumatising and important theme. I was 100% hoping anon hate telling me to delete it, but found instead that the people ate it up! It has now 30 notes (which is A LOT for a small fandom like the D&D one) and now that I reread it, I'm proud of what I created and the message I wanted to send, which resonates with happenings of my past and experiences. 

11 - If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? 

Definitely angst. There's something so cathartic and relieving as letting out those emotions you can't express out loud without being locked up for being unhinged, and it has helped me understand myself many times. Also, smut is def something that I can't physically write 😅 

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are small parts of me in every MC. A fragment of my past. Something of their lore that I went through. Something I aspire to be. Something I wanted to be once. I like to think that every writer leaves a part of their heart and soul with each character they create. 

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Ooof, where to begin. I think the hardest part is to just write. I can go on for weeks looking at my turned-off laptop and goof off on Tumblr. But when I do write, the 'boring' parts or writing a character that I am not familiar with or that there isn't much info about can be challenging. 

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Oof, where to begin, lol. My modern AUs, The Viscountess and Plan B. There's also Your Most Ardent Admirer and For Love and Duty. There's the fix-it fic series of the Blades LIs. Profiles of my MCs from several series. And also fic ideas that I want to create, but don't know where or how to start it. Woe is me indeed 😭 

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

Depends on the person. I would be very, very picky. I did show some parts of The Cursed Heiress to two trusted friends. But I wouldn't be against showing my mom a few chapters of The Viscountess… Unfortunately, she does not speak a word of English and I am terrible at translations, so it's wishful thinking, lol. 

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

For the published ones, Holly Black and Cassandra Clare have probably been my biggest help. Leigh Bardugo is also a newer inspo, and Spanish author Laura Gallego got me into fantasy, and anonymous author Bebi Fernández's raw and brutal prose have helped me find my voice. I have now bought George R.R Martin's Game of Thrones, looking for new sources to grasp. 

As for fandom-wise, the very first writer to inspire me unfortunately hasn't been active since the pandemic, and despite our differences, @hellospunkiebrewster 's writing and essays got me into Regency and its history. My thriving years were by her side, and I'm grateful of having had a great fandom friend and hyper. The most recent ones are @missameliep my amazing fandom mom (te quiero mami 🥰) and some pieces by @princess-geek 's writing have inspired me to expand my horizon. 

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series? 

The Cursed Heiress, definitely. I think that my messages would resonate with many people. There's also The Viscountess: many people should see the messages Nicole, Anne and others have, and for what I have planned (and have been stalling out of laziness 🫣) would put things into perspective for many minorities and certain groups that are neglected by society and governments alike.  19- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

I am now at the outlining stages of making The Cursed Heiress an original novel. I tried many times to make my own novel, but always dropped it. But now that I've been for years with it, I feel like this might be the one project I dreamed of publishing one day. It's tough and scary, but I'm loving the ride so far. 

Also, I have tried my hand with poetry, but it didn't have engagement and felt like talking to a wall, so I now feel discouraged. But if someone out there is interested, lmk 👀 

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

Apart from literature, I love make-up, skincare, cooking and making gifs and videoedits. I also love travelling and discovering new adventures and learning as many languages as I am capable. I also love listening to music. Basically anything that has to do with the humanities and art, I'll take it. Also, I am very invested in modern royal gossip. I know, not very republican of me… 🫣😅 

21 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

Apparently, the one I use the most is 🫡🫶🏻👀. Heh, sounds like me, lol 

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

____

Two reminders to both creators and onlookers alike: 

Creators: making content is NOT a race or a chore. It's something you make just because, and share it with the world. If you don't enjoy it, it's not worth the effort. 

Onlookers: I know how much you may love X thing, but remember that behind that art, fic, etc, there's a person with real feelings, real life and that is taking off free time to make something. Enjoy it, reblog it (please, reblog the stuff you love) and if you don't like it, filter the tag, block and move on. It's really that simple. 

Also, happy Valentine's Day AND Black History Month to the black creators of Choices! You're awesome and we love you ❤ sending you love 🥰 

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

✨️Adam and Lucifer + The Basement Yard✨️

•Adam holding a glass of apple cider vinegar, sitting next to Lucifer.

Adam: It's- apple vider cider vinebager

Adam looks disappointed in himself as Lucifer cracks up next to him.

•Lucifer holds up a whiteboard with "Charnkp" written on it.

Lucifer: chaaarnkp.

Adam: charnkp?

Lucifer: yeah!

•Lucifer: word association: GO! Holidays-

Adam: Boys.

Lucifer looks shocked before they both laugh.

•Adam: bro, I'm telling you: mmmpow. He used to mmmpow my ass all the time- well, not my ass-

Lucifer points and laughs at Adam.

•Adam tries not to laugh as Lucifer pulls a stocking over his head.

Lucifer: Raawr!

•Adam using Charlie's laptop.

Adam: Safe search blurring is on? How do I turn this bullshit, virgin shit off?

•Adam pointing to the sky.

Adam: it's- it's getting- it's getting real close to the towers!

Lucifer: it's getting real close-! What did you say?!

•Lucifer: I barely passable look passable, I'm shocked Lilith ever liked me.

Adam: me to, dude.

Lucifer stares at Adam: what was that?

Adam: what?

Lucifer: "me to" what?

Adam: no, I'm saying "Yeah, you're right, I'm on your side"!

Lucifer: on my side, with what?

Adam: With whatever you're saying, I'm being supportive of you

Lucifer: I said I'm shocked that Lilith ever found me attractive

Adam: correct. That's what you said.

Lucifer: you're supposed to say "Oh yeah, you're a good looking guy, you've still got something left in you"

Adam stutters: well- I- yeah- well- I just wanted to be supportive of your ideas and your opinions

Lucifer: That's not supportive! You're doing the opposite of support! My opinion there: was self-deprecating.

Adam: right.

Lucifer: I put myself down, not only because it's funny but because it's how I feel-

Adam: But if you're down and I'm with you, then I'm down with you.

Lucifer stares at Adam: that's... oddly sweet.

Adam: damn right it is, bitch.

Lucifer: less sweet.

I'VE DONE SO MANY INCORRECT QUOTES WITH THESE!!!!

Lucifer: Eh, you're not my type

Adam: W-Well, you're not my type either bitch!

Lucifer: Why the hell aren't I your type?

Adam: I like them more rugged than you.

Lucifer: I'm rugged!

Adam: No you're not Lu.

Lucifer: I'm so rugged!

Adam: See, now you're angry and shit, flying off the handle I don't like that.

Lucifer: It's a very rugged thing to do!

Adam bursts out laughing.

-

Lucifer: Word association. Gay

Adam: Me. No wait-

Lucifer and Adam laugh.

-

Adam: Do you think people have written fanfiction about us? Like us fucking?

Lucifer: Probably, someone out there has.

Adam looks it up and finds a few. And wow are they spicy

-

Adam: One of these days Lu and I are gonna have to fuck on the air.

Lucifer: Ye- ...... Wait no we're not. You almost had me there.

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi, “accidental tulpamancer” here. It’s in quotes now because of what you said about potentially having a dissociative disorder. I’m awake now. I made some popcorn in the air popper for breakfast. Not the best breakfast ever, but it was something.

I want to tell you a little bit about myself and my life story as it relates to plurality and potentially having a dissociative disorder. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. You can ignore this if you want. But I trust you and I think you have good intentions. So here goes nothing.

I have always had a fairly… loose connection with the person I’m apparently “supposed” to be. When I was younger, I would wake up and decide that I was a different person today. I would get dressed according to what that sort of person would want to wear. At school, I would sometimes sign the name of the person I was supposed to be for the day instead of my own name on my paper (My teacher would put these papers on the no name board. When I pointed out that they had a name on them, she would say, “but not the one on my class list”. So I stopped doing this.).

I assumed that I would grow out of this. But I didn’t. I would still wake up and pretend to be someone else. Someone who was more powerful than me, someone who was better suited to face the challenges of today. Because I definitely wasn’t. This is when my depression started, and it would only get worse from here. I had dozens of stories I made up about these people, and eventually found D&D and writing fanfiction as an outlet.

I developed a short-lived fascination with psychological case studies. I would check out books from the library on them and read them in my spare time. Most of them were the more “common” disorders. PTSD. Autism. Schizophrenia. But I read one case study on a young girl with DID. She had been kidnapped and abused for 2 years before finally being found, and as a result had 7 different personalities. I remember reading it and thinking about how horrible this was. Even now, when I research dissociative disorders, this girl sticks in my head. Nothing similar has ever happened to me. How could I claim the same or similar diagnosis? Wouldn’t that be an insult to her suffering?

I don’t remember when I first started hearing voices. But it got more and more frequent. They had their own personalities. Some were dangerous, like the one who tried to convince me to develop an eating disorder. But most were friendly. Companions. I told a professional about my symptoms, both about my voices and my paranoia (believing that the world was evil and wanted to hurt me). They said that I checked most of the boxes for schizophrenia. Then they asked if I wanted my voices gone. Like, with medication. I thought hard. And said no. By this time I had already been hospitalized twice for suicidiality. But as bad as things had been, they would have been so much worse without my voices. Without companions to encourage me to live. Because who would they talk to if I was gone? As frustrating as they could sometimes be, I knew I would have already been dead without them. So I wasn’t diagnosed. Because a schizophrenia diagnosis would have meant medication.

I also don’t know when I first heard of plurality. It was most likely through the MOGAI community (yes, I was one of those kids with over 200 genders that trumeds love complaining about). There were a lot of systems in those spaces, and I was encouraged to ask questions in order to be the best ally I could be. And I did consider myself an enthusiastic plural ally. But I never considered myself plural. Not even when I started hearing voices. Because my voices couldn’t control my body. They could ask me to do things and I would do them (example: one of my voices really liked My Little Pony, so I would go to YouTube and put on an episode for them) but it was always me doing the thing. Me in control. As it should be. So no, I wasn’t “multiple people in one body”. I was one person in one body. I just talked to external agents. Until now.

I developed an obsession with this character as a coping mechanism. I would have long conversations with them in my head. Some days I would pretend to be them. Act like them. So I could be more powerful and able to handle the world. Eventually they started talking back. I was very scared. I had heard this was a way to accidentally make a tulpa. But I was still so scared. I got the sense from this being that it lived inside my head. Not external like the other voices. I was scared. I’m supposed to be the only person who owns my body. Because if you don’t own your body absolutely, what do you own? It doesn’t help that the entity I was now sharing a head with was just as mentally disturbed. Things got ugly. Multiple times. And it culminated in yesterday.

I still don’t know where to go or what to do. I’m not sure why I just wrote an entire fricking novel. If you don’t read this I don’t blame you. Anyway, I’m about to make pumpkin bread. Or take a shower because my head is killing me. Or both.

I think that this story alone could supply plegg-culture-is with a whole week of content! 🤪

I mean...

They could ask me to do things and I would do them (example: one of my voices really liked My Little Pony, so I would go to YouTube and put on an episode for them) but it was always me doing the thing. Me in control. As it should be. So no, I wasn’t “multiple people in one body”. I was one person in one body.

"I'm one person in one body but there's someone in my head who really likes My Little Pony so I'll put an episode on and watch it with them but I'm totally not plural." But seriously, this is actually super sweet and wholesome! 💖💖💖

"Voices" Is such an interesting word that we use. It's something that I see a lot of people using and what it means can be very different depending on the person.

There is a common type of hallucination where, as you are falling asleep, you might hear a "voice" speaking to you. Usually just a word or sentence. These types of hallucinations though, They don't have agency. They don't have emotions or a consistent sense of self. They are just sounds generated by your brain.

But it seems like yours could think thoughts and had emotions and things that they enjoyed just like any other person.

And while it is true that voices in dissociative disorders will often present as being internal, there are plenty more examples of them being perceived externally similar to imaginary friends.

But I read one case study on a young girl with DID... Even now, when I research dissociative disorders, this girl sticks in my head. Nothing similar has ever happened to me. How could I claim the same or similar diagnosis? Wouldn’t that be an insult to her suffering?

One important thing to remember about case studies is that they are case studies because of how unique and remarkable they are. People don't usually write case studies up of the unremarkable cases. Or if they do, at least those cases don't get that much attention.

I don't know exactly what you've gone through in your life. But I know that it's not just the absolute most severe and most extreme cases that can result into dissociative disorders.

If you've suffered trauma, that trauma is enough. You wouldn't be devaluing what someone else goes through just by having the same diagnosis as they do.

I think... at a certain level, you probably realize that this line of thinking is illogical. That there can be varying degrees of trauma and that yours doesn't need to be as bad as this one girl's to be valid. But I hope it can help hearing somebody assure you of this.

Because if you don’t own your body absolutely, what do you own?

Nothing. Not completely.

But... maybe that's okay.

I mean, would it really be so bad if you shared your life with others? Body included?

If, some of the times you thought you were pretending to be someone else to make it through the day when you were younger, it was somebody else who was fronting, who was helping take the load off of you and make things easier for you? (Not saying that necessarily is what was happening.)

Maybe "ownership" over the body isn't really worth it. Maybe that's the price of spending your life with others in your head. Of having those wonderful companions who helped you through your darkest days.

If you're a singlet, you get the privilege of total bodily autonomy. It's yours and yours alone. And the price for that autonomy is that you're alone in that body.

Personally speaking, I think if I had to choose between owning a body to myself and having headmates to share my life with, sharing time and sharing the body is a pretty small price to pay. But that's just me.

Best of luck with the pumpkin bread!