#quote unquote work.
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goodnighsssnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.zzzzzzzzzz
#ignore the tags it’s 2 in the morning#dr baldhead gets nooo sleepy time . Nuh uh#he’s like. nocturnal. but in the way that he spaces the hell out in the day#he still goes through the motions of his daily morning rituals. still puts on his lab coat n gets ready for work#quote unquote work.#but it’s the motions. it’s deprived of any end.#so he’s prone to just collapsing of exhaustion after a long while. the smell of blood and magic can only get a guy so far#not to mention this dudes awful eating habits#mornings only happen once in a handful of days on end#only when his self destruction reaches another peak is he granted peace from himself#aaaand I wake up#guilty gear#dr baldhead#faust guilty gear#raven guilty gear#birdhead#thoughtz#robart
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Hellen, how do you know how to do so many things? I know how to do a few things but I look at your stuff and every time I'm like "damn. I wish I could do that"
oh, I just do them.
It's after 1:30 am, so you get the existential answer. The fun thing about personhood is you get to just be whatever. You can't necessarily do whatever--money and laws are things, unfortunately, and you only get so much control over the opportunities available to you. But you can sort of just throw yourself down on the anvil of life and hammer yourself into whatever shape you want. Ideally the process of it drives out some flaws as you go, but sometimes also you take an impurity and make yourself stronger with it.
I am, still, a person who is terrified of failure; of incorrectness; of being wrong. And there is nothing to do with fear except shatter it with blunt force, and so I line myself up against failure again and again and again. I will try. I must; or the fear of failure wins, and I must keep trying after I fail or I have failed utterly. I fear failure, and therefore I take it as a challenge. I must do what I think I cannot. And you know what? More often than not, I can.
I have a weird and wandering skillset because I make myself try things, knowing full well that I will remember for decades every time someone saw me be less than instantly successful, because the only way I know to get better is to batter down the dross of my own fear. That's the deal. I'm not doing anything that nobody has done before. I know it's all possible. I just have to be the sort of person that does it. And it gets easier every time. If the question is can it be done and the answer is yes, then the next question is can I be the one to do it, and the answer is I want to be.
Every time I fail my way over and over to eventual success, trying again the next time is less scary; every time I have a broader base of skills to carry to the next challenge. I'm not unusually talented, just stubborn as hell, and I've lived long enough on I have to do what scares me that honestly, not that much scares me anymore.
If you keep failing long enough, it turns out that you just get really good at problem solving, and figuring out unconventional ways to reach your goals. It's not about a special secret concoction of skills, it's about persistence, and hammering away until you've taken a mess and made it into something you think is worth keeping. It's not easy, but it is simple.
Also I have incredibly strong unmedicated ADHD. But I sort of assume that's glaringly obvious.
#Also. If I'm being honest. I tend to operate on instinct and while my instincts arent BAD they are definitely weird.#there has been a lot of no-hesitation I should do this...#in my life#and its resulted in a kind of eclectic skillset#rejection sensitive dysphoria my ancient foe#my narrative foil....#on the same topic i have a strong fear of heights and as a result I spent years doing theatrical rigging because it forced me to get good#at working at height#mostly bc i was personally offended by the idea i may have a quote unquote weakness#so now im scared but functional#the artistic philosophy of put your shoulder down and press on#"
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-3 to stealth. all of them nightmare by jokublog cross by jakei95 horror by sour apple studios killer by rahafwabas dust by ask-dusttale
#i remember joku saying that nm dressed like sans#(slippers and all)#to “blend in”#QUOTE UNQUOTE#in alternate universes.#man what alternate aus are you waltzing around in where someone sees sans COVERED IN TAR.#and thinks#oh haha. Classic sans! what a goofy goober#literally none.#he’s coming up with excuses to wear slacks and slippers to work every day#to show up on the zoom call without pants#sorry. Lotsa tags#-mod kip#🦑#badly drawn utmv#utmv#undertale multiverse#undertale au#nightmare sans#killer sans#cross sans#dust sans#horror sans
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tell me how to feel about you now
oh, let me know, do i suffocate or let go?
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my first time ever making a comic like this! very far from perfect but i’m satisfied
this came about as part of me thinking a lot (too much) about the psychic 7 and their relationships with one another and what those look like/how they develop after the events of the second game
#anyway if you’re reading this please talk to me abt psychonauts#fun fact i finished this back in July but only worked up the nerve to post it now#i think way too much about the psychic 7#but specifically bob and otto bc i find their issues like pre-maligula interesting and wonder about the steps they take to try and repair i#even after helmut’s quote unquote death and otto having his brain knocking around for the better part of 20 years#not really his fault but that would have to make them both feel a certain way#right??#psychonauts 2#psychonauts#psychic 7#bob zanotto#otto mentallis#helmut fullbear#brain in a ball#comic#mini comic#fanart#my art#digital art#extartodyssey#artists on tumblr#psychonauts 2 spoilers
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today i give you blue lock theatre au
#tomorrow? who knows#blue lock#michael kaiser#alexis ness#isagi yoichi#bllk#tldr kaiser is an arrogant star who suddenly gets the lead role quote unquote stolen from him by newcomer isagi#who noa personally works with because he sees potential in him#and naturally shenanigans ensue#this is unironically my comfort au it fixed me i think#art#my art#blue lock fanart#blue lock manga#ブルーロック
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listening to students tell me “yeah i can’t figure this out i’m just a girl 🤣” listening to my coworkers tell me “honestly i just can’t wait to become a stay at home girlfriend so i never have to work again!!” looking at my online feeds which have all become like pictures of cigarettes with a pink bow on them captioned “girlhood” i’m ACTUALLY going to start freaking the fuck out
#i’m not hating on my coworkers btw like. i won’t act like the thought of#getting to stay home and not having to work 40 hour weeks for meager earnings#while someone else handles expenses isn’t like obviously appealing#but it’s so. dangerous. to let your husband have full control of you financially#and one of them was explicitly saying she wants her job to be quote unquote taking care of her boyfriend#like yes we don’t dream of labor but girls please#you can find a job you’re interested in you can find a way to have control over your own income#please
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ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....
This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.
I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?
(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)
I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.
Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.
And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.
I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.
(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)
I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.
We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.
On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??
So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.
It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.
Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).
But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.
Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?
Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?
#peeta mellark#thg#the hunger games#the hunger games meta#anyway wow this got so long and I literally read it through one (1) time so uhhh sorry if this makes no sense!!#as I was doing my one read through and realized that one of my other thoughts on this is that yeah I can much more easily see the#headcanon that peeta like sells baked goods (probably at cost with no profit) out of his kitchen because that’s much more flexible#and I think that would work a lot better with what like I guess I’d call his psychiatric disability post mockingjay#and how he’d certainly want to take care of Katniss too#like that sort of flexibility makes a lot more sense for him and it’s like. if he doesn’t bake for a few days or however long then it’s fin#it’s not a formal brick and mortar business#it’s just something he’s doing because it’s a way to be involved with people and a way to do something he’s passionate about#without there being waste and while covering some of the costs#and he doesn’t have to like keep books or do payroll or any of the things I can’t see him being very passionate about#as far as like bakery management goes Lmao he can just bake!!#but then I started getting into this whole thing about how that quote-unquote ‘running a business’ like that (informally from your house)#is actually a really common practice for people living in poverty so probably something that Katniss and peeta would’ve been familiar wirh#anyway and then this whole rant about how the emphasis on the brick and mortar bakery often goes hand in hand with#this widespread fandom thing of having a fundamental misunderstanding of how rural poverty works and what it looks like#but then I was too deep into it and said you know what? never mind! and deleted it lmao
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convince me to actually like syladin in 491,000 words or less challenge
#kowt spoilers#stormlight 5 spoilers#wind and truth spoilers#as the no.1 Spren Deserve Autonomy poster i think it can be done#like i've been whooping and cheering for every line that props up the quote unquote humanity of spren since ob100#but you've gotta put in work man
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my hot take as a person with an english degree and a library degree is that some of the dorkiest fiction and poetry ever committed to paper in the english language came out of the iowa writer's workshop so it is at best goofy and at worst completely futile to argue that your average amazon unlimited writer is having a more deleterious effect on literacy and literature.
#like i know these guys and they are NOT better than booktokers bc they have an mfa in fiction or poetry#in fact. (further hot take) i'd argue many of them are orders of magnitude worse bc they take themselves and their ✨ craft ✨ so seriously#that their work is completely devoid of any authentic human emotion and is merely detached irony trying to mask as social commentary#but the booktok girlies know what they're doing. they're aware! and they're having a great time doing it! they're having fun!#and i have read unfortunately MANY works by mfas that are just like. where is the joy in this? the fear? the sorrow? the honesty???#like yeah booktok is not my thing and it can be pretty silly but most of them aware of the genre they're in and they're having a blast#i've read poetry and fiction by mfas that are grasping so hard to make a Point that they just completely lack genuine and honest emotion#and you can tell the writer just like. did not feel anything urgent or vital about the work they were creating#anyway. follow for more hot takes on the literary establishment#books books books#saying all that i know there is a whole ecosystem of amazon unlimited and booktok writers who are in it strictly for the money#and maybe feel nothing about what they're writing. but they ARE aware of the genre they're in#and to really make it work in amazon unlimited you DO have to have your finger on the pulse of craft wrt genre fiction#whereas i one time in college hateread all of a quote unquote literary writer's works and it was just like#oh you have NO idea that you're just writing complete nonsense#you think you're making a point and have social commentary and every single book is just. incredibly silly#and you would have had a much better and more interesting time if you allowed yourself to write romance novels instead!!
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"the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story can't hurt you!!"
the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story:
#WE HERE IN K L O T H S T U R#the witcher books#[ Nobody liked that. ]#i like how the first two 'main' translations (like published for mass market circulation ones i mean)#were like 'no we can't call it a strzyga... no no...'#(maybe like: 'the english readers won't understand...')#and then when the game and book hit (i.e. both beginning with geralt fighting the striga)#everyone was like 'whoa that striga was really cool'#idk idk enough about it yet to say anything definitively#but my experience and all the other reviews and experiences i've read#from other anglophone readers with no prior exposure to polish or broader slavic myth or culture#has been just like: 'whoa i never knew about that... that's really unique and cool'#and on the flip side. originally witcher gained popularity in part because of the familiarity of the fairy tale#and so despite that witcher in general takes a lot of everything from across europe#if i may just summarize it really obtusely and without taking the precaution of nuance and all#although the first two translations were very much intended to feature polish writers and writing#in the way of the actual translation it feels like they tried to diminish its 'polishness' for the english reader#like for example in chosen by fate itself there are no diacritics (though idk maybe that was a lack of capability of the printing press)#it FEELS like that i'm not saying it was intentional but#for example when you don't say 'leshies' and instead say 'bugbears' that feels like diminishing it#but then later when the witcher's quote-unquote 'polishness' is allowed to come through clearer#then it actually is part of why english audiences were like whoa this is interesting i like it :)#you know real-life events are stories too. and i feel like this is a story with a good moral: 'be yourself'#this is also one of the prime subjects where i disagree with sapkowski lol#because re: 'death of the author' theory type stuff. authors cannot control how their works are interpreted by their audiences#works get interpreted on their own fortunately or unfortunately#so though i think it would be misled to engage with the witcher as if its ONLY good quality is its 'polishness'#i think that also it should be acknowledged how its unique take on culture made it appealing to both domestic and foreign audiences#i think where the problem lies is when we believe it can't be both polish and a blend of multiple cultures and traditions#because like yeah. author is an arthurian weeb
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i love calling tbrm ugly from uchiha pov/ standards and then making an uchiha fall madly in love with him anw. he becomes beautiful to them because of love. they didn't fall in love with his appearance they fell in love with him and then because of that they now love his face because it's his. they're gonna fight anyone who calls him ugly now even tho they did it first. and then they try to awkwardly reassure him like who cares what those assholes think youre not with them anw and tbrm is like literally im fine dw about it bc his self-worth and identity is completely divorced from his appearance and uchiha is still like. yknow what i think imma burn their house down for good measure brb and tbrm has to hold them back (read: hug) until they calm down.
#senju tobirama#uchiha izuna#uchiha madara#madatobi#tobiizu#evicting rent free thoughts#i love protective idiot uchihas#i love ships where one person is loved in spite of their appearance and not because of it#me shaking my fist at fandom LET PEOPLE NOT BE ATTRACTIVE PHYSCIALLY#also every time i write a quote unquote ugly character their features are so much more interesting and distinct#talking about pretty people is hard and generic#sorry i think i might be working myself up in zoomies mode i apologise in advance for the fallout
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ol’ver needed a cool outfit for me to imagine him helping at mt. rokkon
#myart#ffxiv#ffxiv viera#oc: ol’ver#he’s just. my beloved of a gleaner who works in his home country#he got tenure and decided he was just gonna go on a quote unquote short sebatical leave to the Far East#cue two years later and the staff in his department are fuming#he does write good papers though and does good research so he kinda gets off the hook#he started doing research with the WoL and it’s extra like. well now we really can’t tell him no
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I also truly believe despite my conditioning that mania is a gift from god when I was young & manic all the time I was literally unstoppable I never went to the hospital I never saw any doctors I knew what was happening to me but I liked it I remember once hallucinating and being really comforted by the hallucinations not scared at all …the only reason and I regret it now so fucking much but the only reason I agreed to go on psych meds was because I had a month long psychotic episode and was always one inch away from calling an ambulance on myself …antipsychotics change ur brain so ur dependent on them I used to go off meds and be “fine” (meaning I was manic as shit all the time, but would self medicate to get through the hard parts) now if I miss one singular dose of either of my meds I am hallucinating and benched for the day …I had everything at one point in my life and now I have fucking nothing and it’s gotten to the point where I have no choice but to take these toxic fucking pills
#personal#sorry I’m just . sad that I had everything I wanted#I had my own place I was skinny I was working full time busting my ass#and now I’m fat living with my dad all I have is my#quote unquote stability#and it does me no fucking good because I still feel like shit all the time#and will probably die before 30 anyway so what is the point
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i got into an opera pit orchestra 🎶
#.txt#I quote unquote auditioned by playing Mozart requiem with them and I worked so hard to make it Perfect and ig it paid off!!! they asked mr#back at least and that’s super exciting!!!#i am a Serious Professional Musician#🎶
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its been 2 years and its still my best halloween look to date i need to top this
#it wasnt even that great ill be real#but i won the contest thats all that matters#only really bc nobody else came into work that day in a scary quote unquote look
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Oh shit I completely forgot about Lost Johns cave fuck that shit is horrifying
I think only 2 serial fiction podcasts have ever actually made me breathe a little too fast. The other was Limetown which...the Napoleon episode fucked me up (only episode I ever had to pause for a few seconds), as well as just the concept in general. But Magnus Archives in addition to being overall the best complete podcast I have listened to had a couple of real getters individually. MAG-15 Lost Johns Cave is one.
"It meant me harm."
And then when they played the recording back and I realized what she was saying my entire body just got cold.
Like, the reason I consume horror content isn't actually because it frightens me. It almost never does. So when it does more than unnerve and thrill me, it's doing a very good job. Congrats Jonny Sims for doing it a good two or three times in Magnus Archives.
By the way, the cave is real.
Here's how you go in.
Goodnight!
#two of the best horror movies ive ever seen weren't even horror movies#or werent marketed as such#the prestige is one#almost nobody appreciates it enough#and annihilation is another and shortlisted for movies that i will never ever watch again because i legit almost had to go throw up#borderline sorry i ever watched it and still occasionally think about that bear#it was a good movie but my god the body horror and existential dread and the infiltration of death into your treacherous body was HORRIFYIN#i was not sufficiently warned about annihilation#the prestige was a pleasant surprise even though i was curled up in the fetal position#because i figured out the twist EXACTLY when the movie wanted me to and it worked for me#it wasn't for everyone and my ex was pissed at it for quote cheating unquote#but i thought it had established the rules just fine in retrospect and it fell into place beautifully#i love horror deeply#i could talk about it all day
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