#quorum of the twelve

[abeehiltz1159]

“With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed.”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You” (April 2016 General Conference)

[askmeamormonanything]

who's your LEAST favorite apostle? #controversial

Wait no no no I don’t want to choose… I love all the bretheren… 😢 Ok ok, if I HAD to choose… Quentin L. Cook. (If we’re being honest, I fell asleep for a couple minutes during his talk last conference. I was super super tired from the night before. It was a sunday and like an idiot I forgot to stock up on diet coke and dr. pepper the day before.)

[mindfulldsliving]

Laboring with the Lord: Transforming Lives through Missionary Work

We are called to be anxiously engaged in sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, taking every opportunity to do so in word and deed. Doctrine and Covenants 123:12 reminds us that we may never know who among us is searching for the Gospel's light.

Embrace Missionary Work Today! We have found that sharing the gospel in simple, normal, and natural ways through the principles of “love, share, invite” greatly blesses the kingdom. Jesus Christ shared the gospel this way when He lived on earth. He shared His life and His love and invited all to come unto Him (see Matthew 11:28). To love, share, and invite as He did is a special blessing and…

[headlinehorizon]

Farewell to M. Russell Ballard: A Leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

M. Russell Ballard, a prominent leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has passed away at the age of 95. Learn about his legacy, his position within the church, and the upcoming changes in this latest news update.

[brothermouse]

When things get scary globally and nationally (see right now-ish) I have this thing where I find post apocalyptic media comforting. Heck if I know why I'm like this, but I am.

Anyways, there's far too little post apocalyptic Mormon media for my liking so "be the change you want to see" and all that, I kinda want to make some post apocalyptic Mormon flavored short stories and I wanted to pick tumblrstake's brain.

Here's just some loose ideas to start with:

End of the world happens with a massive cyber attack. Basically anything with an Internet connection gets fried, starts acting weird. Closed networks also get infected so nearly all digital storage is wiped out. It's a massive loss of knowledge and information globally. Military systems are also hit, causing missiles to launch at random targets or just detonate in their silos.

All this to set up that post apocalyptic society is low tech, slow communication, and not a whole lot of surplus weapons of mass destruction. Local groups that know how to take care of each other end up surviving the best.

Post Apocalyptic Mormonism gets some schisms. Something about where to gather. I figure there are three main groups: Salt Lake, Nauvoo, and Adam-ondi-ahman. I think it'd be cool if they split for a while, but eventually reconcile and reunify. Then the Quorum of the Twelve is made up of four apostles from each group and the First Presidency has a prophet from each group.

I figure there's some monk-y business going on at the Granite Mountain Vault. In the sense that it becomes a kind of monastery. Run by monks. Monk-y business. Get it? Whatever. Mormon Monks in making illuminated genealogy records.

There's some group of people obsessed with the White Horse Prophecy. You know, "the Constitution will hang by a thread," "the Elders of the Church will save the country" yadda yadda yadda. Problem is the Constitution (and the whole country for that matter) has already fallen, so either they're trying to bring it back or they're insisting that it didn't really fall. Maybe both.

Word of Wisdom gets tweaked to account for the fact that nobody can get coffee anymore. It becomes more about "eating fruit in the proper season" and "eat meat sparingly".

So that's just some loose thoughts I had that I might work into a short story or something. If anyone has more ideas, don't be shy, share with the class.

[byjove]

One thing about Mormonism I will give them is that they keep in-depth records and they’re all into genealogy so there is so much to read. So much of it is written in a way that is extremely biased but the sinisterness is just under the surface. They’ll proudly tell you this great man was with Joseph Smith in Nauvoo and fled persecution, survived cholera in Winter Quarters and went on to be a member of the Quorum of the Twelve and a successful “business leader” in Utah. But they’ll also document his two 15 year old wives. And his 42 year old first wife who died of exhaustion trying to keep their 14 children alive after he uprooted their lives to follow the doctrine of a professional conman. And they’ll treat that as holy.

[wardensantoineandevka]

I'm thinking about a bit of United Baronies executive processes and administrative systems, especially now that Kozma is dead. According to the letter that Kozma sent to Baron Hannigan of the Mid-Abyss, the United Baronies' Department of the Exterior conference is happening next traversal from the 8th to the 10th.

I note that this says "on Guilemoth" suggesting a location, but the episode has her dictating "in Guilemoth" suggesting a month name (or again a location, like a city). Either way, the sense is that the conference is coming up soon. Traversals are generally suggested to be analogous to years, so presumably this means that the conference will be happening in the first month of the traversal, which may or may not be called Guilemoth.

Assuming that the calendar in the cosmos is the same length as ours and has twelve months, that's next month! Multiple appendices date the tail end of season two and all of season three to be in the twelfth month of the traversal, and we know that the Vault bombing happens on the 16th, due to Patricia's meeting minutes:

Some months in the cosmos are known to last as long as over 40 days (per Lark's journal and the Upper Trust meeting agenda), at least in the year 624 given traversals are measured by the Fold's current. But, even so, this means the meeting is in about four weeks from the end of the series.

Kozma was soliciting Hannigan's support because she suggests that she cannot continue to hold quorum without it. Kozma is incredibly manipulative, so HOW true that is is a little in question, but I do not think Kozma would bother going through this trouble pressuring flakier barons if a quorum, and one in her favor, was already well certain. She's efficient!

But, regardless, the true matter of interest I have here is that it seems Kozma has been maintaining quorum for at least the Department of the Exterior (which we know little about, but do know maintains trade an travel routes) by threatening other barons into allying themselves with her. She additionally notes that the United Baronies isn't super united. Without Kozma keeping together a network of allies through pressure, threats, or otherwise, DOES the DotE — and other UB offices and legislative bodies and executive systems — currently have enough barons, and barons who are interested in participating in certain processes, to continue to hold quorum and maintain those processes?

[demoisverysexy]

halfway through the talk, jeffery mispronounces a word, and he falls through the trapdoor and we hear a sickening crunch. then oaks gets up and announces a new acting president of the quorum of the twelve.

[earthgeco]

@heathersdesk as promised here's the explanation of my theory about the importance of imperfection in the church for the perfection of the saints.

As is the way of the Lord this starts several years ago when I was on my mission, where I finally actually understood the importance of trials in our lives.

Newtons third law states that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If we want to walk forward we need to overcome two forces: gravity, and friction.

Gravity and friction make walking difficult, BUT if we did not have those oppositions there would be no movement. If there were a room with no gravity and no friction, there would be no movement. We would just flail around and never get anywhere, much less toward our goal.

Trials are our spiritual gravity and friction. They provide the opposing force from which we push. To be perfected is a process of trial and growth, trial and growth, trial and growth. It will not be easy but it the only way we can come unto Christ and become like our Heavenly Parents.

Last conference was hard for me and I only ended up watching about half a session, though I have since read some of the talks and quite liked them. It didn't push me out of the church, but it got close. I had recently come out as gender-queer and started using they/them. It made me wonder. I had received personal revelation from the Lord that my gender identity and expression was part of my eternal identity and supported by Them, so why was the quorum of the twelve and the first presidency teaching contrary to this? My answer as typical of the Lord came from an old institute teacher who I had once spent nearly an hour arguing with about trans rights. He was substituting for the class I was in and we were talking about the organization of the church.

Ephesians 4:11-17 teaches us about the organization of the church saying:

11.And he gave some, apostles; and to some, prophets; and to some, evangelists; and to some, pastors, and teachers;

12.For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

13.Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

14.That we are henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and the cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive

15.But speaking the truth in love, may grow up unto him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

16.From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working inn the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.

17.This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind.

The Church is organized intentionally it is imperfect by design.

"For the perfecting of the saints," trials are the biggest perfecting force in life. So we are perfected both by good and bad experiences within the church and by good and bad experiences with the members of the church.

"In the unity of the faith," becoming unified doesn't happen on accident, a common group dynamic model identifies "storming" or a period of disagreement and struggle as a fundamental part of growing an effective team. Overcoming the struggle is what unifies us.

"Be no more children, tossed to and fro," learning to love imperfect people and finding the good in everyone helps us learn who we are and what we believe which will ground us in Christ.

"But speaking the truth in love...even Christ," Recognizing that Christ is the truth and learning to share the his gospel with love helps us and those around us grow closer to him.

Each part and person in the church is important for the whole to improve every person every policy no matter how harmful it is is there for a reason, so each member of the church can learn and grow. That's not to say we must accept everything. It is often in fighting for change we grow the most. We are not the "true church" because we are the best, or even that we are right about everything. This is the true church because we have the living gospel and we learn and grow together. We work together for the edifying and perfecting of the saints.

[nerdygaymormon]

LDS LGBTQ Anniversaries for 2023

For 8 years I’ve been in charge of creating my stake’s calendar. In addition to stake meetings & activities, I include holidays and significant LDS anniversaries like when it was the 175th anniversary of the founding of Sunday School or 40 years ago priesthood and temple blessings were restored to members of African descent. 

This year there's only 1 significant anniversary I put on the calendar: Sept 21st will be 200 years since the angel Moroni first appeared to Joseph Smith.

For readers of this blog, here’s a few anniversaries this year that may be of interest:

75 years ago

April 1948 - Gay BYU students Kent Goodridge and Richard Snow met with church president George Albert Smith. They were in love and wanted to get a clarification of their ‘status.’ President Smith treated them with great kindness and told them to "live their lives as best they could" in their companionship. They had gambled making this appointment and worried they could be excommunicated on the spot, instead they left feeling loved and valued. 

Unfortunately, this live-and-let-live attitude didn’t last long as President Smith's successor, David O. McKay, felt homosexuals "should be excommunicated without any doubt, that the homosexual has no right to membership in the Church."

30 years ago

May 18, 1993 - Apostle Boyd K. Packer gave an address to the First Presidency, the Quorum of the Twelve, and the Presiding Bishopric, in which he stated there are three great threats to the LDS Church: the gay/lesbian challenge, the feminist movement, and scholars 

September - The September Six are excommunicated for publishing scholarly work against or criticizing church doctrine or leadership. This was widely reported in national press and resulted in a chilling effect on academics challenging approved church narratives

25 years ago

October - Mormon-raised Russell Henderson and his friend Aaron McKinney tortured Matthew Shepard and left him for dead in Wyoming. The shocking crime made international news. The outrage over this crime eventually lead to the Matthew Shepard Act in 2009 which expanded the federal law’s definition of “hate crime” to include sexual orientation and gender identity. In 2018, Matthew's ashes were moved to the Washington National Cathedral

15 years ago

Chieko Okazaki, the first person of color to serve in an LDS Church general organization presidency, was first counselor in the General Relief Society President when she published a book in which she wrote “A family with a gay child is not a failed family. It's a family with a member who needs special love and understanding and who has love and understanding to give back.”

California’s Prop 8 - Church leadership heavily encouraged members donate time and money to pass Prop 8 which would ban same-sex marriage in California. About 1/2 of the money raised for its passage came from Mormons. The proposition passed and immediately there were protests at temples in Los Angeles and Salt Lake City, and the church received a lot of negative exposure. Since then the church has preferred behind-the-scenes roles in its efforts to combat queer rights

10 years ago

Dec 20, 2013 - Same-sex marriages became legally recognized in Utah. Seth Anderson & Michael Ferguson, both former Mormons, are the first gay couple to get married in Utah 

5 years ago 

January 2018 - The documentary "Believer" featuring Imagine Dragon's lead singer Dan Reynolds premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. Reynolds discussed the intersection of LGBTQ people in the Mormon community. Later in the year he appeared on The Ellen Degeneres Show and The Daily Show with Trevor Noah and spoke of LGBTQ Mormons and suicides

January 2018 - Josh Weed, the most famous LDS gay man in a mixed-orientation marriage, announces that he & his wife will get a divorce. They apologize to everyone who ever had their story held up as an example that gay people can get married and stay in the Church.

February 2018 - Church-run Family Services states it no longer provides reparative therapy or sexual orientation change efforts

February 2018 - Richard Ostler starts a podcast called “Listen, Learn, and Love,” which has LGBTQ members/former members share their stories

March 2018 -  BYU sponsors its first LGBT campus event, a panel of four students--Kaitlynn Wright, Ben Schilaty, Sarah Langford and Gabriel Cano–answer student-submitted questions

As president of the LGBTQAI+ and Allies Club, Jill Stevenson worked with administration at Southern Virginia University, a predominantly-LDS liberal arts college, to get the university to officially recognize the club, and to allow same-gender dancing on campus

June 2018 - The Church’s Family Search website starts allowing same-sex marriages to be recorded

July 2018 - The Provo Freedom Festival allows LGBTQ groups to participate in the parade due to a contract it had signed with the city of Provo which included a non-discrimination clause.

Dec 2018 - Stacey Harkey, a cast member on BYUTV’s popular show Studio C, comes out as gay

[abeehiltz1159]

“If we give our heart to God, if we love the Lord Jesus Christ, if we do the best we can to live the gospel, then tomorrow—and every other day—is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be!”

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles “Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders among You” (April 2016 General Conference)

[rickktish]

We Heeded Them Not

A lesson based on But We Heeded Them Not By Elder David A. Bednar Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles from April General Conference 2022, lesson given in September of 2022

heed (v.)

Old English hedan "observe; to take care, attend, care for, protect, take charge of," from West Germanic *hodjan (source also of Old Saxon hodian, Old Frisian hoda, Middle Dutch and Dutch hoeden, Old High German huotan, German hüten "to guard, watch"), from PIE *kadh- "to shelter, cover" (see hat). Related: Heeded; heeding.

heed (n.)

"careful attention, notice, regard," early 14c., from heed (v.). Survives only in literary use, in compounds, and as the object of verbs (take heed, etc.).

“As I sing “Let Us All Press On,” I often think of the people in Lehi’s vision pressing forward on the path that led to the tree of life who were not merely “clinging to” but were “continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.” Lehi described multitudes in the great and spacious building that were pointing “the finger of scorn at [him] and those … partaking of the fruit.” His response to the jeers and insults is magnificent and memorable: “But we heeded them not.”

1 Ne 8:24 ​And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, ​​​clinging​ to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the ​​​fruit​ of the tree.

1 Ne 8

25 And after they had partaken of the fruit of the tree they did cast their eyes about as if they were ashamed.

28 And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.

34 These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away.

1 Ne 8:30 ​But, to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the ​​​rod of iron​; and they did press their way forward, continually holding ​​fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.

1 Ne 8:33 And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not.

“[F]aith focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ fortifies us with spiritual strength. Faith in the Redeemer is a principle of action and of power. As we act in accordance with the truths of His gospel, we are blessed with the spiritual capacity to press forward through the challenges of mortality while focusing on the joys the Savior offers to us.”

“Living and loving covenant commitments creates a connection with the Lord that is deeply personal and spiritually powerful. As we honor the conditions of sacred covenants and ordinances, we gradually and incrementally are drawn closer to Him and experience the impact of His divinity and living reality in our lives. Jesus then becomes much more than the central character in scripture stories; His example and teachings influence our every desire, thought, and action.”

“[T]he […] nature and power of our covenant connection with the resurrected and living Son of God, […] the connections with Him and Heavenly Father are real and are the ultimate sources of assurance, peace, joy, and the spiritual strength that enable us to “fear not, though the enemy deride.” ”

What helps to heed not?

meaningful scripture study, 

fervent prayer, and 

proper preparation to participate in the ordinance of the sacrament. 

spiritual support of faithful family members and trusted friends, 

vital lessons learned through ministering and serving 

capacity to discern the absolute emptiness of anything in or coming from the great and spacious building.

“I have noted in these member responses a particular pattern that is especially significant. 

First and foremost, these disciples have firm testimonies of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness and the role of Jesus Christ as our Redeemer and Savior. 

And second, their spiritual knowledge and conviction are individual, personal, and specific; they are not general and abstract.”

“I listen to these devoted souls speak of covenants providing strength to overcome opposition and their connection with the living Lord supporting them through times both good and bad. To these individuals, Jesus Christ indeed is a personal Savior.”

1 Ne 15:23 ​And they said unto me: What meaneth the ​​​rod of iron​ which our father saw, that led to the tree?

​​​24 ​And I said unto them that it was the ​​​word​ of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would ​​​hold​ fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the ​​​temptations​ and the fiery ​​​darts​ of the ​​​adversary​ overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.

“Please note that the ability to resist the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary is promised to those individuals who “hold fast to” rather than merely “cling to” the word of God.”

“As we are bound and “hold fast” to the Lord and are transformed by living His doctrine, I promise that individually and collectively we will be blessed to “stand in holy places, and shall not be moved.” If we abide in Christ, then He will abide in and walk with us. Surely, “in the days of trial his Saints he will cheer, and prosper the cause of truth.”

Hold Fast

The phrase “Hold Fast” traces back to Norwegian and Dutch sailors who had the saying “houd vast” meaning “hold tight”. Upon first impression, the meaning of hold fast seems obvious, but to a sailor, “fast” is a term meaning to make tight.  If a sailor was to make fast the line, it would mean to make the rope tight.  Sailors being a superstitious group began to tattoo “hold fast” on the four front-facing fingers of each hand.  This was done for good luck while holding the lines and as a reminder that no matter what, the sailor would not let go.

Throughout history, sailors have tattooed these 8 letters onto their knuckles to remind them that they can get through any storm as long as they hold fast both physically and mentally. What is the meaning of Hold Fast physically and mentally?

Physically the term Hold Fast means to bear down and fight through the storm. There is also an understanding among sailors that when on deck, you dedicate a hand for the ship and a hand for you. That means in order to help your crew you must make sure that you are taken care of. A ship needs every member in an emergency and if you are washed overboard you are no help to anyone. Because of that fact, you always secure on hand to the ship. Once you are secured and ready to take on the waves you can use the other hand to help yourself and crew. That working hand is used to ensure the ship and all of its crew will successfully make it through the storm.

Hold Fast, Be Responsible, Stay True and you will not only survive the storm; you will be stronger because of how you made it through.

Mentally the term means to continue to believe in or adhere to an idea or principle. Do not confuse that with being blindly stubborn to bad ideas and beliefs. It means to stand with your convictions, your truths, your gut, and your heart. Do not be swayed, intimidated, convinced or brainwashed by out sided forces to go against what you know is true.

“Interestingly, the Apostle John described Jesus Christ as the Word.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. …

“All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. …

“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.”

Therefore, one of the names of Jesus Christ is “The Word.”

In addition, the eighth article of faith states, “We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.”

Thus, the teachings of the Savior, as recorded in the holy scriptures, also are “the word.”

“Let me suggest that holding fast to the word of God entails 

(1) remembering, honoring, and strengthening the personal connection we have with the Savior and His Father through the covenants and ordinances of the restored gospel and 

(2) prayerfully, earnestly, and consistently using the holy scriptures and the teachings of living prophets and apostles as sure sources of revealed truth.” 

[wasmormon]

White Suites, Stolen Keys, and Fried Chicken

In recent years, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has leaned hard into its carefully staged imagery—photos designed to communicate power, legitimacy, and divine authority. But the more tightly the Church clutches at these symbols, the more glaringly artificial the whole display becomes. From white-suited prophets mimicking the image of Christ to manufactured keys of authority,…

[j-the-latter-gay-saint]

We are saddened to announce that President M. Russell Ballard, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has died. After a recent brief hospital stay, he returned to his home where he attended to duties as he was able to before passing away at approximately 11:15 p.m. November 12, 2023 surrounded by loved ones. He was 95.

[cloverplayssnakegame]

The Laurel Class President and the Great Plan of Happiness 

It was late September 2019, and I was around the age of 16. I was invited into my bishop's office, and he offered me the calling of Laurell class president. I accepted the calling because it was surely from God, and I waited for the bishop to set me apart as president of the Laurel class. I fasted and prayed to have the wisdom to be a good and faithful servant to my fellow young women and my Heavenly Father.

Two weeks later, during the women’s session of the General Conference, it was announced that there would be no Laurels, Mia Maids, or Beehives and that wards would instead be allowed to set up classes however deemed necessary.  

I waited roughly four months for the bishop to decide whether I should be sustained as a young women's leader. During that time, I still went to meetings as if I was going to be sustained and did the responsibilities as a class president all without proper recognition. He pulled me into an empty classroom sometime in early January of 2020; he told me that in the time it took to figure out how to distribute the Young Women's classes, he realized that one of my friends was meant to be class president instead. I took this graciously. It was from Heavenly Father, after all, and accepted my calling.

I was the second counselor

Serving under a female class president 

Serving under a female young women's president 

Serving under a male bishop 

Serving under a male stake president 

Serving under an all-male regional quorum of the seventy 

Serving under an all-male general quorum of the seventy

Serving under the all-male quorum of the twelve apostles

Serving under the male first presidency

Serving under a male prophet. 

Presumably, that male prophet serves under God.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

There is a story in the New Testament about a woman with an issue of blood. When she hears about Jesus, she finds him, and she touches his robe and her blood dries up. Jesus tells her it wasn't his power but her faith that made her whole. That was the simplified version of the story I was told as a child, at least. It was taught to me as a lesson to have faith in the church and in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

Now, as I'm older, some would call me cynical; I would simply say that I'm more precise in my hope. 

It is important to note that menstrual blood was considered ritually unclean, and women were not to be touched while they were bleeding. A woman who is chronically bleeding like the woman in the story, would basically be unable to join in her society. So it is significant that this woman felt that she could feel worthy to touch someone she believed to be a prophet, and Jesus did not feel insulted by touching someone who is a cultural outcast. If I were to be tasked with teaching a primary lesson about the woman with an issue of blood I would not try to wow them with the idea that there are magical men within the church and we can be made whole by having faith in them. I would liken it to their lives which should hopefully be somewhere in reality. I would tell them that this woman would not have needed a literal act of God if she had a place within her community, and purposely including the excluded is a radical and Christlike act that can change a person's life. 

Maybe that's why I probably won't be in charge of teaching primary any time soon, 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me,

Still, all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee.

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

 “I bless you the day will come for you to enter the Temple to receive the eternal covenants Heavenly Father would have you make with Him. I, also, bless you to make and keep sacred covenants with your husband and sustain, support, and love him. He in turn, I promise you, will love you and enjoy the life you build together” 

~Heavenly Father 

  Within a Mormon context, the word sustain has a particular meaning. Whenever a new person is given a calling the members of the ward will be asked to raise their arms to the square to sustain the leadership. This gives the illusion of democracy. Weirdly it also serves as a reminder that the Church’s leadership only has power to the extent the membership feeds it. Within this paragraph of my patriarchal blessing, I am blessed that I will find a man who I will sustain as my leader and I will support and love him. This isn't a commandment or advice or a request this is a blessing; Divine providence states I will one day stumble into a man and feel that he is worthy enough to sustain, support, and love as much as- or more than- I sustain support and love God. My promise to follow an all-knowing all-powerful deity is placed in the same breath as my calling to marry a man.

I couldn't physically throw away my patriarchal blessing. Some remaining malignant scrupulosity simply wouldn't let me get rid of it. I kept it tucked away at first when I got to college. I felt a bit as if I had buried McKenna Johnson the Laurel Class President beneath the floorboards of my dorm. She whispers sometimes about the life she should be living. Her heartbeat still rings in my ears though it gets softer and softer with each passing day. I let my patriarchal blessing sit alone and unread for a while as I reconstructed my life. I made it into a snowflake an art form based on creating beauty and meaning by cutting something apart. I used a cheap tarot deck I wasn't using, to make a suitable background. I have the galaxy-themed back of the cards cut into the predictions for my life. Because the Universe always finds a way to remind us that it has no respect for our small minds' view of the future. 

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In my senior year of high school, I started writing a story that I ultimately dropped and abandoned. It was about two sister missionaries who fell in love. The story would need to end in a sad way where the girls go their separate ways because they have a sacred duty to their heavenly father. The story was revolutionary in my mind because I would allow the girls one chaste little kiss, and they don't regret it and appreciate the lessons they learned from each other. I did not fully know that sister missionaries are not meant to have first names for the eighteen months they spend as missionaries. So it was, ultimately, a useless task to figure out meaningful names for the star-crossed lovers. I named the junior companion Rosemary, which would later be shortened to Rose as she grows as a character. She goes from being called a herb, which is meant to be diced and consumed, to a flower that is simply meant to be grown and appreciated for its simple beauty. Tying her transformation to her budding relationship with her companion makes it a nice little story of self-discovery.  I named Rose's senior companion Clover. It's my favorite flower and it's also a weed. This is thematically significant because I made Clover openly bisexual in a mission environment that isn’t super open to queerness. She is being defiant by existing beautifully. I wanted her to have unique but fantastic answers to gospel-related questions and a different perspective on life than Rose, so I made Clover a convert. I spent a while dwelling on what she would be like before Mormonism. I gave her a bob haircut and a lot of extra piercings, and I even dared- just once- to draw a picture of her in a crop top. I spent a lot of time thinking about these characters and this story, and all I needed to do to continue writing was find a good reason for Clover to join the Mormon church. 

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Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down, Darkness be over me, my rest a stone; Yet in my dreams I’d be nearer, my God, to Thee.

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee!

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The Orlando temple’s real front door is cemented shut. It's this ornate cement door that is built exclusively for Jesus Christ to open when he comes to earth again. The temple designers were either creepy or short-sighted because the door leads directly into the bride's dressing room. I spent a lot of time sitting at the temple's front door, it felt like the most important spiritual part of the building's exterior.  Even as I was in the process of losing my faith, I would still come back to sit at the temple’s door. At this point, the temple’s back doors might as well have been cemented shut. I couldn't bring myself to pay tithing anymore, so my temple recommend would remain expired into the eternities. When I lead tours of a lifesize recreation of the Tabernacle from Mose’s time I was assigned to lead people to the doors into the courtyard, then go back to grab the next group and never to go in. Every tour over and over, my script would mention that only Levites were allowed into the courtyard, and only the high priest was allowed into the holy of holies. It gave me a little sense of hope while I led those tours. In the old days, non-Levites were not allowed into the temple, and now most people don't know what a Levite is. If I follow this logic to its conclusion, maybe there will be a day where the god chosen people are not excluding queer people; they will have moved on to a different social construct to exclude. 

Now that I am thousands of miles away from the cement door leading into the bride’s room. I can see that the inside of the temple only has meaning because there are vastly more people outside of the temple. I spent a long time touching the door- hoping for my faith to make me whole. My faith failed me, but maybe that was the best thing that could’ve happened. 

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“Purity that demands exclusion isn't real purity, maybe paradise is a lie.” You might think that this is a quote from a wise and important person, but it is not. This is a quote from The Fucking trampoline episode from the sitcom Community. I'm always amazed at the wisdom that can be found within the most absurd.

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Outside of my preexisting biases, I do like the word Sustain. There is power in choosing what is important to strengthen support and suffer within your own life. I can bear testimony now that my new world is worth sustaining. I have a second piercing. It's very small, but I feel quite edgy and cool every time I see it. I wear crop tops and drink tea. I've discovered that most of the world gets to have a second Saturday to truly rest. I can laugh loudly at the pure absurdity of Mohonri Moriancumer’s trans-Atlantic submarines. I can allow the sad story of Helen Mar Kimbals’ life to exist uninterrupted and unquestioned. At least one part of my patriarchal blessing came true, I found a boy worth sustaining, and then another guy and we love the life we are building together. I steal my partner’s bed while I call my other partner. I can sit inside my own body with pure peace and bliss. Like the missionary I named after a wildflower I dont have a single good reason to go back to where I was before.

 I am Clover

my room

the building my room is in

my college

my town

Idaho

The United States of America

The continent of America

The world

The Solar System 

The Milky Way Galaxy

The Cosmos 

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Or if on joyful wing cleaving the sky 

Sun moon and stars forgot

Upward I fly 

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[heathersdesk]

I'm never going to find it again, but some lovely child of God was trying to reconcile the removal of punitive actions against the LGBTQ+ community in the LDS Church at large with the CES crackdown on church school campuses by saying that CES doesn't represent the First President or the Quorum of the Twelve.

I hate to be the one to tell anyone this, but the First Presidency and some members of the Quorum of the Twelve are CES. The First Presidency are the Board of Trustees for all church-owned schools. Christofferson and Rasband are board members. How the Honor Code is shaped and enforced is traceable directly back to the First Presidency.

So I get the desire to separate CES and their actions from the larger Church. But that's just not an accurate way to understand this situation.

A more accurate way to understand it would be that the Church is trying to target its punitive sanctions against the LGBTQ+ community specifically at young people, the current generation who is:

Most likely to fight back, thereby getting broad support from outside the Church and inspiring real change. Especially since they have the historical and media literacy to recycle the same playbook from the 70s by which young people used BYU in the media to ultimately change the racial restriction policies, they don't want BYU students to do the same thing with the LGBTQ+ community. By filtering these students out, they want to prevent the consolidation of power on the public stage/lessen legal liability for queer students against the Church.

Least likely to back down/accept conversation therapy and mixed orientation marriages as solutions.

More susceptible (they hope) to being forced back into the closet. There's a flailing hope that if they can get to young people early enough, they can stop them from ever questioning or discovering their queerness at all.

Dallin H. Oaks has been a bully against the queer community for decades. He spent a significant portion of his tenure hunting queer students among the student body and overseeing the development of pain aversion conversion therapy techniques against them. It's not a stretch to say that he thinks enough pain will suppress the Church's queer "problem." He's been the author and orchestrator of queer suffering for so much of his tenure in the Church.

To the extent that the Church is capable of any real change in respect to the LGBTQ+ community, I don't think it will happen until Oaks dies and no longer has control of the levers of power.

I know no one likes to hear/admit that change in the Church, a lot of times, is just waiting for the right people to die... but we have a long history of being able to prove how true that is with our senior leadership. Nevertheless, I have long said that I think this is where we are.

And at 91 years old, I don't think we realistically have too much longer to wait🤷‍♀️

Being part of change in the Church has to include being realistic about who/what we're up against. Getting these things nailed down is essential to understanding the milestones to reach for and what can realistically be accomplished where we are right now.