#questions for my younger self
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I’m always drawing him in pain so have an AU where he’s actually good and his smile is actually PRECIOUS
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#izuart#izzy oc#vanitas the hedgehog#sonadow#sonadow fankid#sonic fankid#sth fankid#fankid au#sonic art#sth art#oc#original character#this won’t be his canon and I kinda hate that lajskshdhd#I’m just tired of hurting him with angst rn 😭😭#so just pretend!#in this au he doesn’t break slowly after Vox rejects his idea of escaping#instead he concedes and stays with them. and he slowly starts form that older brother instinct just like vox#he becomes extremely protective of the younger children and took it much harder when he couldn’t save almost all of them#in this au he’s a bit more self deprecating but mostly in the sense of questioning his capabilities#he and talia actually get along and he looks out for her#he and vox stay close SOBS#this is all basically the what could’ve been au#for those who like him crazy don’t worry this is not the canon vanitas and most likely never will be *lies down and cries*#the fluff lover in me wishes it was for him#I’m a softie at heart
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Just a friendly reminder that you never know what people are going through behind closed doors. It's been an emotional week for so many, to say the least and it's reminded me that showing kindness, caring and compassion for others, even when they might be doing things that you don't necessarily understand or agree with, is always a positive choice, especially when they are acting out of character and not like the person you've come to know.
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People struggle in so many different ways and more times than not, they can get very good at hiding their pain, to the point where no one realizes how bad things have gotten until it's too late.
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Don't hesitate to check on people if you're worried about them and let them know you care! It might not seem like much but to someone who is really going through it, it might just make all the difference in the world to them.
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Choose love, choose hope and let people know you care and that you're there if they need you.
#I still can't believe this has happened#my younger self is in absolute shambles#and my current self isn't doing much better#the boys that once meant so much to me are all changed forever but I'll be forever grateful to them for everything#i'm heartbroken#yes he's done some questionable things but he didn't deserve this#his death is tragic and he should be remembered for the man he was before the addictions took over#rest in peace Liam#say hi to Louis mum and sister#I know they're there waiting for you#1d#one direction#liam payne#mental health#positivity#show kindness#kindness#compassion#empathy#addiction
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it is literally not about legality, if you’re in your late 30s literally what are you hitting up 21 y/os for. Don’t you have investments to make.
#Astonishing number of people will jump on the ‘but it’s technically legal!’ defence#But will not answer my question of whyyyyyy. If your date sounds like PTA night and you need to parent your girlfriend#you have an age gap! And! You are the lamest loser on earth; that is fact; hope this helps!!#(Okay. Lowkey? I shouldn’t be thinking about this STILL. Given it’s been like a MONTH since#But I feel a lil let down and betrayed and I think I’m still kinda processing that… but I#I confided in my bestestest friend that an older man was creeping on me. And I expected her to have my back 100%#And idk— I think she’s just had worse experiences with men and has a higher tolerance to bad behaviour than I an asexual person do#But her response was along the lines of ‘you’re an adult; there’s no problem with it really;#can’t blame him for shooting his shot; it’s not really a weird age gap’#And worst of all— ‘maybe he just has an age kink; maybe he gets off on you being younger’#I have to say. I don’t care. The point is that I discouraged it several times and was getting increasingly uncomfortable with it#I feel like in that situation the thing to do is side with me especially when I’m telling you all this.#And like. Sigh i don’t know. I still love her with all my heart but it’s feeling a lil awkward rn#I’m still thinking about that and obviously I don’t want it to ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had#But it’s feeling a little forced right now. I expected her to have my back and for some reason her brushing this aside did make me#Feel completely invalidated and like I should just stop feeling weirded out and man up and discourage this man in words—#When the thing is there was NEVER any hint of interest. I don’t feel like I should have to dignify his behaviour in terms of interest or#Attraction. Because! I just don’t think you should be that forward with strangers repeatedly!! and if I think that’s weird then I’m sorry i#It won’t work with me! I don’t like it! I think that’s grounds enough to stop oh my god.#I’ll be seeing my bestie in a couple of weeks. Flying all the way out to England for her. I don’t want this to be awkward…#but something in me is just a lil heartbroken. Like I feel the girlcode was broken. We’ve always told each other#Not to let men affect our self worth or alter our boundaries. I feel like that was violated.#(ik she said that bc her bf at the time was 30 but like. Listen to my individual situation no? This one wasn’t about you I came for advice)#Rant
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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:
Steph (25):
Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)
Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)
Her worst trait really is her spitefulness
Cass (26)
Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.)
Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness.
Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)
Tim (24)
Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)
Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)
His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)
Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)
Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this).
Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)
His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)
Dick (17)
Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)
Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)
His worst trait actually is his anger issues.
Barbara (18)
Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)
Thinks her worst trait is her disability
Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)
Damian (16)
Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)
Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism
His worst trait actually is his perfectionism
Duke (16)
Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)
Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)
His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words
Jason (14)
Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne).
Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)
His worst trait actually is his reactiveness
#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#tim drake#dick grayson#barbara gordon#damian wayne#duke thomas#jason todd#batfamily#randomizedrobinsau#I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot#because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with#so I don't think I'm gonna#anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability#the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the#stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU#I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version#I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is#BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR#I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles#the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when#I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'
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sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.
#Using randomly gendered words because that’s me now but hey#Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else#It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize#You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt#Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc#Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t#And it gives you a crisis at age 14#Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice#and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it#Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something#I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’#and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir#Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :)#I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag#I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something#More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please#doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue#But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today#(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back)#And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it#TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos).#I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start#Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything#Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing#I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation#But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south#It certainly does not help and can be disheartening#Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious#lion’s lair
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Sometimes I just look at Isabeau and just know that if isat came out and I got into it when I was like 16 he would be my favorite character and I would've gone absolutely buck wild over this man and feel like he was laser targeting me. But alas Odile has a grip of steel on me rn due to her virtue of being a middle aged woman
#rat rambles#stars posting#I feel like the biggest change in my taste in characters as the years have gone by is Im now far more biased towards old ppl lol#although tbf I was also the one person in 2016 who actually liked asgore so maybe Ive always liked parhetic old ppl#but yeah the reason isa is past me bait is because hes an exploration and subversion of the sort of tropes I Hated as a kid#and I still dont like them so isa still appeals to me its just not as much as he would have to a younger me#I do genuinely love all the party very dearly tho theyre all soooo good#I think my favorite part of isabeau is how like. of everyone we get to see the least facets of him but like in a very good way#this is a man who hides and bottles shit hes so fun to rotate#his self image is so carefully controlled compared to everyone else which makes him an incredibly interesting character to analyze#and I love that despite him seeming like the most emotionally stable person here on the surface he still clearly has like. hashtag issues.#like he's in that beautiful zone where its so so fun imagining what it would look like to truly break him#<- normal things that normal ppl say. like me.#I may have my very light beef with alt looping aus as a concept but hes probably the most interesting alternate looper to me#also my light beef exclusively relates to king quest stuff which is why Im a big fan of duo looper aus with sif#but honestly. isa might be the only one that I genuinely think works better as a solo looper even with taking king quest into account#although bonnie comes close. I <3 looper bonnie I <3 seeing fictional children go through the horrors#I think theres a lot of fun to be had with any alt looper au tho I just am a huge king quest fan so I like it when my favorite elements of#it dont have to be handwaved#but yeah the real question is how would younger me feel about mirabelle#because on the one hand: acearo character#but on the other hand: I have always been a little hater abt romance so idk if younger me would rly be able to follow her character well#I wasnt exactly good at character analysis back then lol#except for the instances in which I was but I dont have that sort of faith in my younger self#yknow Im thinking abt my history of favorite characters now and I think me being one of few 2016 alphys enjoyers might have been a prophecy#she was my quote unquote third favorite but in reality she was second#I think she chara and peridot su teamed up to define my taste in fictional characters for the next several years#and somehow that lead to olivia becoming one of my favorite fictional characters of all time#I say somehow as if that isnt a very natural conclusion
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I don’t know if it’s because I specifically love cruel, abusive (and especially sexually abusive) characters, or if it’s because I’ve read his sections of Abe no Seimei Monogatari, but I often feel like my thoughts on (fate) Douman are at odds with most of his other fans, to the point I can’t really interact with them about him, and gotta mute a lot of them (which I am finally starting to do)
Especially when it comes to Fujimaru, I honestly do not think he holds any genuine love nor desire to help them (unless it benefits himself in some way), even his historical counterpart was someone merely seeking fame, which Seimei calls him out on. And we already have concrete proof of a lack of love of humanity. They remind him of Seimei, so of course he wants to stay close, and is obsessed with them, but out of a desire to hurt, not help, it’s not all that different than his obsession with Danzou (who also has connections to Seimei), it’s just with her, she was much easier to take advantage of.
People seem to underestimate Seimei’s importance too? From the start he’s described as violent and arrogant, but it’s his envy of Seimei that made him into such a monsterous person. Thats the whole thing he’s known for, his obsession with surpassing Seimei, you can’t talk about his character without bringing him up… in Abe no Seimei Monogatari, he’s described as delighting in achieving his desires only after carrying out his plan to steal Seimei’s secrets and kill him. As a Servant, he is only the evils of such a man, and yes they don’t come from nowhere, but he’s not particularly tragic or anything, he’s incredibly petty. I enjoy that about him, someone so genuinely monstrous and out of a very human emotion that spiraled out of control to the point he’s taking it out on everyone else and delighting in mocking them. (I also just hate when such a delightfully evil character is softened, he has more depth than it initially seems, but that doesn’t mean a genuine desire to help people)
#Infel’s fate tag#save me tono ratel tono ratel save me#their limbo writing (and human douman too) is some of the best#I do think fate’s portrayal of his younger human self comes across as more meek than the historical portrayal but still#the manga and shikibu’s words show that changed#also I’m sorry I’m sure he’d rape fujimaru too materials book threat and that event with the cursed drink my beloveds#the living one had a good relationship with Rika but that was totally a Seimei thing too lmao… it’s out of the question for limbo#anyway yeah I’m bitching again one day I’ll write up a full thing#well if anyone also thinks similarly and likes him too feel free to chat I’m otherwise avoiding most of the fandom#if they ever did try and make his character genuinely have love for others… I’d find it boring ngl
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Just dumping my new tags!
#⌈i'll still keep the party going⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the princess⌋#⌈tied to so many things⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the advisor⌋#⌈a kid with a butterfly in my paw⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the prince⌋#⌈the love of a hero⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the bodyguard⌋#⌈questions of science and progress⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the scientist⌋#⌈oh! the misery!⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the frown prince⌋#⌈not a game but an adult thing⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the roommate⌋#⌈swingin' to my own sound⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the wildcard⌋#⌈break it down!⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the warrior⌋#⌈you may say i'm a dreamer⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the special⌋#⌈know when to walk away and when to run⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the lawman⌋#⌈think with my heart not with my head⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the truthseeker⌋#⌈here to fight despite the odds⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the protege⌋#⌈younger than you realize⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the peacekeeper⌋#⌈... but why am I here?⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the adventurer⌋#⌈on the border of starting over⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the hunter⌋#⌈where I want to be⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈the royal⌋#⌈sing with us⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈music⌋#⌈think before you speak⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈canon quote⌋#⌈did i hear you right?⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈incorrect quote⌋#⌈the truths in my head⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈headcanon⌋#⌈tell us all your thoughts on god⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈answered ask ⌋#⌈all dots and lines ⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈art⌋#⌈the newspaper isn't antiquated⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈writings⌋#⌈pictures tell a story⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈comics⌋#⌈touring the world around us⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈lore⌋#⌈hear the words of those upstairs ⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈admin post⌋#⌈a word from... myself⌋ ⋆❈⋆ ⌈self promo⌋
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NO OMG I FUCKED UP ANOTHER TOOTH BC OF MY PEPPERMINTS AGAIN
#AND I JUST NOTICED TOO#IT HAS A BIG CHIP IN THE SIDE. DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK#i’m not ready for it to start hurting noooo omg i think that’s one of my good teeth too i’ll have to go to the dentist what the fuck#i’m so upset . i hate going to the dentist they are so mean and ruthless and just don’t explain shit no matter how you word the question#and leave you doing the wrong shit for years#but i can’t go through tooth pain for three years straight again i can’t do that again i’ll become even more depressed#i’ll lose whatever self confidence i had left oh my god#oh my god i fucking hate my teeth why can’t they just be NORMAL JESUS CHRIST#i’m not ready to be back in that chair with random men stabbing me and getting mad at me#i’m not ready for the shame at all but i don’t want to risk a heart attack oh my god my stomach hurts so bad#if i could just go back in time and force my mother to force me to brush my teeth so i develop the habit and not have to deal with this +#irreversible bullshit that’s my own fault??? i would do it in a heartbeat oh my god#fuck it why even involve her. i would go back in time and scare my younger self so bad into doing it and i know just how to#but the reason is so embarrassing yeah i fucked up my teeth like last time with the same candy . please don’t mock me#not spiderstuff
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This will read like a shitpost but until the age of 17 i dont think ive thought about a single thing
#my parents never really encouraged coming to them with questions or talking about my feelings#but ive also never done that#i just lived and took things as they came#and adapted to situations#i didnt think about it#i feel so stupid and resentful to my younger self
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Yeah sometimes I do think about a career change, but the neighborhood of things I'm interested in is so fucking far removed from what I'm currently doing that I'd have to go back to undergrad and take classes with people over a decade younger than me lmao. And it would take me ???? forever to finish because I'd have to do it part time while working full time. Also I'd have to give up other things to make up time for school. So like. Is it worth it! God knows! I wish it wasn't so hard for adults to go back to school just because
#the life and times#my younger self was so afraid of math a science major was out of the question#now I'm like. what if I could spend my time looking at plants in the woods#the education it would take to do something adjacent and not make poverty wages is the issue
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just thought of an interesting poll topic to propose.
reblog this one if you would!! would like for it to spread beyond my followers.
#penny for your thoughts | polls#this question came to mind because i was thinking about how i used to beg for reblogs on my art when i was younger#and while a lot of it had to do with people just. not reblogging art a lot of the time#i also think it was partially because my art wasn't all that great back then#(not self deprecation!!! i was a young and semi-beginner artist at the time and i've improved massively since then)#which made me curious whether my preconceived notion that people don't tend to reblog art from less skilled artists was actually true
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went on a bit of an anthropological excursion today (saw a dni-archive post and fell down a rabbit hole) and i think it's safe to say that we had a good run on the internet but its time to call it and just unplug it all
#speak friend and enter#do not look up 'radqueer' on tumblrs search function. worst mistake of my life.#i think a lot of kids struggle to find words for their perceptions of themselves and more broadly to find community#and the fundamental loneliness that comes with just realizing you're not cishet can be very isolating#but unfortunately the communities that seem the least closed off are ones that are fucking insane#and theres no way to look at these communities objectively without sounding like a reactionary wacko and that's not what im trying to do#but like. the concept of radical inclusion under th queer umbrella sounds rly nice on paper but has devolved into. wtvr the hell that is#idk i think the mainstream lgbt community needs to be more tolerant of experimentation and questioning esp from younger people#just so they don't end up getting absorbed into niche microcommunities where they id as something wildly offensive (e.g. 'transabled')#idk i don't really have a point here i just think it's weird and sad what the internet has done to the queer self discovery process
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I always tell my littlest cousins stories before bedtime (usually about gods and myths) but occasionally I tell them an original story, and I'm listening back to a recording I made the one time I thought to record myself telling one and I'm like "Wow, I’m actually a really good frickin storyteller."
(Yes, I’m a professional writer, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that I’m good at what I do.)
#i talk#This is one I'd love to someday publish as a short story#I love telling stories to my younger cousins because I can embellish things and add so much to stories I already know#but for this original story it's so nice to have it all in one place#told so simply but in such a fascinating way that I'm like ''I know where the story is going but even I can't remember wtf I said''#the story remains the same but the telling changes every time#it's just so cool!!! I love oral storytelling!!!#awh man that reminds me#Whenever I feel a little self-conscious about my storytelling skills#I'll reread old works or old comments#but every once in a while I remember when I was back in grade school (like 6th grade I think?)#I was on the playground and we were talking about horror movies and for whatever reason when someone asked if I'd seen Chucky I said yes#I hadn't because I really don't like horror movies but I said yes because I knew what their next question would be#and sure enough; they said ''oh yeah? Prove it. What happens in the movie?''#so for the next 30 minutes I tell the most insane gripping story about a possessed doll and everything that happens with it#and like I kid you not I started off with like 4 kids listening and by the end I had 10 - 15 kids sitting around me as I told this story#and I wish I could remember what kind of story I told because I remember it being sick as hell#and at the end when recess was over and we were all going back in one of my friends came up to me and asked if I really saw Chucky#and I confessed that no I'd never seen it I just knew it was about a scary doll or something#and they told me my story was so cool#:')#idk man. getting mad warm and fuzzies over my storytelling skills#living up to the 'ol url I guess#anyways I'm gonna go back to what I was doing and keep listening to the recording#this thing is 30 minutes long. My little cousins are the BEST listeners because they always ask such engaging questions#I love it#I love them :')#cousin talk#Sorry quick repost because the other one was rebloggable for some reason#and Tumblr wouldn't let me change that
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Cookie 12
Eventually branching off into 4.
#cheeseburgerboy#cookie12#how many apples is sort of an empty question#it doesn't really make any sense because i never specified that there were any apples in the first place#when i would ask how many apples#what did i mean?#the answer is four. but if i think about it.. it should really be 3#you could count it as 4 but its its really only 3#you see the 3rd as being two#me and my younger self are not really 2 people. but we seem so different its hard to not see myself as at least 2 different people
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Sometimes i get so so so angry about how i was raised and how many signs just went ignored and i get so mad about what could have been what should have been. I know its not like useful to do that but like. I get so mad. If even one person had stopped and decided to actually look at my issues and see them for what they are instead of just assuming im being difficult to be difficult. If even one person just tried to connect the dots, what could have been then. I know j shouldnt get lost in it all like that but sometimes you cant help to wonder how much struggle I could’ve been spared from.
#personal tag#this is specifically about the wild mood swings the not recognizing hunger before its Too Late and ‘karlis just hangry again’#the texture sensitivity the trouble socializing.#i weep for a younger self. i dont have it all figured out either. but i know. i know the words for it. i can seek resources to help for it.#i dont have to question constantly why i cant just fucking WORK#anyway hi. im mad abt my parents disregarding every single sign and just. slapping a ‘difficult child’ sticker on me
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