#queer then doesnt have to look like queer now to be important and valid and real and revolutionary

[castielfucks]

man we need to stop forgetting that gay marriage has been federally legal in the US for less than 10 years. and exactly 10 in the UK. if you are 10 years old, you have lived longer than most gay people have been able to get married. sigh.

[liquidstar]

i think that on here we've kinda talked a lot about how the traditional "coming out" narrative presented in popculture is flawed in reality. because it always presents this idea that you have to tell everyone who you Really are, that youre Hiding parts of yourself, that you can never be You until you bare your Secrets to the world. and that actually this isnt because people feel entitled to your personal business but that its hurting YOU when they dont know your personal business so you should really just tell them. (but also dont be "too" proud because thats annoying :( act mostly cishet please but dont lie about it! hehe!) it will work out every time for sure :)

but ofc thats not how real life works. i mean, naturally i understand that there are OF COURSE people out there who want to be loud and proud about who they are, and that this is incredibly important to their identity which theyve suppressed for so long. but that "coming out" narrative is harmful because it ignores many of the reasons it had to be suppressed to begin with. its fucking dangerous! its dangerous to a lot of people for a lot of reasons. they can lose their support system, family, job, house, and their entire life. both in the sense that they'll be completely uprooted from it, and in the sense that they could be killed. so constantly presenting the notion of "coming out is good for you no matter what because its the Only way to be your Real Authentic Self and also you HAVE to do it eventually because thats how this narrative is just Meant to go. be a good little queer and please dont stray from this path."

and the problem is that plenty of young LGBT+ people completely internalize it too! ive had so many convos with young people worried about coming out to their conservative family because, well, theyre supposed to! and their minds are completely blown when i tell them that actually they dont have to do that. that theyre under no obligation to tell everyone their business and its okay to just keep being them w/o making an announcement about it. ESPECIALLY IF IT PUTS THEM IN DANGER!!!! and to be clear this issue doesnt stop at age 18 or at moving out or anything like that either, there continue to be many obstacles for many people that make coming out unsafe, or just a bad life decision to uproot everything Right Now. it's okay to just be in the closet and it isn't a moral failing like cishet media wants to convince us. we all agree, right?

good! but here's what my actual real point is:

when we talk about this, for some reason, we seem to only reaaaallly be talking about the gay side of it, right? like im sure lots of people imagined, like, teenage gay boy movies. maybe a couple lesbian and bi characters too perhaps. and that makes sense because thats like the most common narrative for this sort of trope, so ofc those are the first examples we imagine. and ofc theres the more complex addition of "passing" when it comes to trans versions of this story, the idea that you gotta look a certain way to be "valid" adds another layer.

so i think its time more people started to acknowledge this about trans people too, right? i think we can all agree with this on paper already; no trans person is obligated to come out or present a certain way if theyre not in a place where they currently are able to do so. physically, mentally, financially... or just because they dont wanna! whatever the circumstances are, there is no criteria they have to meet to be vindicated in this. it doesnt only apply to 14 year olds living with shitty parents who plan to move out soon and become "Really Trans" (as if they didnt count before conforming to The Narrative), the person could be 40 and never planning to be completely out, and its the same. they dont owe you this "showing the world who you Really are in order to [earn the right to] Be Yourself" crap. thats their choice only.

however, i also think that even if most ppl on here in lgbt circles on here agree with the general sentiment... sometimes it doesnt always get applied it practice. though the whole "truscum" thing kinda died down (thank god) i still think that rampant transmedicalism has left its scars on lots of people and the things they internalize, combined with similar cisheteronormative messages in popular media about how your narrative Should go and how you Should act and look to be respected, and its Morally Wrong not to fit that mold.

so when encountered with people who dont pass, who dont TRY to pass and instead actively choose to look like their agab due to the fact that they are literally in the closet irl (lest we forget people have whole entire complex lives outside of the net) this sort of short circuit happens in ppls heads, where that internalized idea of "but you're supposed to be THIS WAY! youre not doing it RIGHT!" pops back up and they end up labeling that person as fake or Not Trans Enough for this reason.

and i do also think part of this stems from people not having enough sympathy for those whose paths are different, because they were told not to. theres a Right way, and they did it the right way. and likely they struggled for it a lot, so isnt it unfair that people are doing it the Easy Way (as if its easy to be closeted to begin with) and claiming theyre like you? thats Wrong. they have to Earn it. you lgbts should all get mad at EACH OTHER actually! this will help your community be better [in the eyes of cishetero society that doesnt really want you to exist to begin with]

additionally the reason im emphasizing the internet side of this so much is because... well, in this day and age, thats the space lots of people go to to NOT be in the closet. to at least microdose on being "out" while in real life they very much arent. like i said before, being in the closet is rough and taxing, suppressing yourself hurts which is why so many people wanna be loud and out and proud! not everyone can though, so turning to a place with relative anonymity to get that is great, and i think its probably saved a lot of people. but also because of this, its pretty much the only way to get the scenario this is positing to begin with- where you know a stranger can know that youre trans even if youre otherwise closeted completely, just so they can tell you that youre Not. but how many people in the past do you think lived lives where they never let these feelings out at all? how many alive today do you think dont even express them online?

you know that sort trope (often stereotypes in media) of a trans person "crossdressing" only when alone, in order to get a short bit of relief or euphoria that they cant in their closed life? i think that today we have the internet to do that. i think its kind of the same thing. but its also very different, because its not as private. its still secret, because its anonymous, but its also something shared with plenty of strangers at the same time. they dont know you irl, so its safe, distant, and gives you that rush of being yourself, and being referred to correctly by others too. theres community, theres support, and theres friendship too, once you get to know those strangers. its not a "second life" or a "persona" is just a side of yourself you dont show elsewhere, an identity that needs to be let out one way or another.

who the fuck are we to deny others the right to this life-saving connection just because they arent out? because they dont pass or dress the Right way irl? because we decided they arent trying hard enough to "fit in"? because they dont plan to change their lives to fit the right narrative anytime soon?

should they not be allowed into the community then? that would be perfect wouldnt it? leave many who need support out to die, because they did it Wrong. fight within our community over who is doing it Right until we've broken it in half. the righteous ones [according to cishet standards] are surely going to be treated with respect once they get rid of the Bad ones, right?

yeah, i dont think so. thats horseshit. we're stronger together than we are apart, thats why infighting is so useful to those who dont want us to be strong to begin with. its important to help each other, boost each other up, even if some of us arent playing the "right" part irl. are we really just going to sit around and accept the cishet norms as rules to live by? fuck that. not everyones story will reflect it, and you have to accept them anyway if you want a strong community. it doesnt matter how much they might look/act like their agab irl, if theyre telling you otherwise take it at face value, respect them the way you would any other. again, many of us agree with this on paper, but i think we still have to put work into acting on that too.

the end <3

[strangertheories]

I feel like there's too much discourse surrounding Mike's character nowadays that you cannot really talk about his character without it being turned into a ship war situation or slander. It also feels weird because many people seem to think that his character can be 'good or bad' based on Byler/Mlvn happens or not and it's just...? Do you even like him as a character or just perceive him from ship POVs then? It's like saying you wouldn't like Lucas or Max if they broke up or you wouldnt like Hopper, Joyce, Nancy etc if they just entered a relationship that you personally dont like. Because a character cannot be primarily defined or perceived based on shipping reasons, because they also have to stand on their own characterwise.... Max is my fav character and I wouldn't dislike or love her based on her romance choices. Yet whenever I see takes about Mike's character it just seems like both sides only ever focus on his romantic endgame. Or oftentimes just misinterpret his character by inventing made-up things about him that do not exist in canon. So is he that weak of a character then idk, because it seems like Mlvns will just hate him if he ends up with Will and many Bylers will call him a badly written character if he continues to be in a relationship with El or if the narrative doesnt turn out the way they expect or *exactly* want it to be. And it's especially kind of annoying when these both sides just want to insert Mike into a category that they like but when you just look at it, it sounds like they don't even like the canon!Mike but the fanon!version of it.

OH MY GOD, YES. I do get why people will like him less if Byler is not endgame, less because of Byler but more because they interpret Mike within the frame of being queer which means their justification for his behaviour or the reason they relate to him is now gone. However, I also think it's important to remember that he's 14 and traumatized and him getting angry at Will doesn't have to be projection or secretly be him being the best guy ever. He is flawed, canonically, and he has been a bad friend to Will since S2.

But people tend to act like he's an evil asshole or a perfectly innocent guy because their analyses are working backwards from each of those conclusions. I used to actually not like Mike very much, and I'm still not a huge fan, but I think understanding why he has his flaws without explaining them away helped me to understand him more. Also someone edited him to First Love, Late Spring by Mitski and I'm not even joking when I say it was the first time his characterisation clicked for me. And the show has been making this explicit, both in his need to be needed and his depression in S2, but they've not been as effective as writing him in years.

Even within the show, Mike is always defined in relation to other characters ever since S3 when he was less of a central character. In S2, they introduced all of his struggles with depression and emotional issues because of his loss of Eleven which was solved when El returned but it never really addressed the actual root issues that he had. I think fans analysing this behaviour from that perspective is completely valid because I do it too.

He could have a lot of depth but I feel fans give him much more than the show has awarded him in a way that Byler endgame can't exclusively solve. Because whilst they can write him falling in love with Will, they've given themselves eight episodes to break up his 4 season relationship, have him accept his queerness, come out and get with Will. And whilst I'd enjoy that, I also think they've just not written Mike as well in the later seasons. This may sound silly, but there's a point when I blame a character's actions on the writers and not the characters. Think of Nancy and Steve being weird in S4.

Overall, I think the route of this issue is that they didn't know what to do with him after S2. His primary goal in S1 was to find Will. His primary goals in S2 were to "get over" El and to help Will. In S3, his goal was having a good relationship with El and in S4 it was to confess his love (which he already did?). The issue with the last two seasons is that it felt like they were working backwards from a conclusion. They wanted conflict but didn't know how to and so he became a bad friend and bad boyfriend so he could have a character arc.

And I know we can explain his behaviour from a Byler POV which is why I do think it impacts my perception of the character, but Mike's "it's not my fault you don't like girls" line, Mike not contacting Will, Mike not noticing Will was crying, Mike saying the best day of his life was the one where Will went missing (I think the Duffers forgot that context too), and Mike being unable to effectively communicate with El feel out of character to me. In S1, we saw how even when angry with Eleven, he was highly emotionally intelligent and was able to communicate effectively. And we saw his special bond with Will in S2 where he was highly aware of Will's emotions, much more so than the other people in his life. And then by the next Summer, that was all gone. Even his whole "need to be needed" thing fell flat for me because it felt a bit random, it would've been way better for me if they had instead looked at his fear of loss or emotional repression or parental issues.

Jesus, this post grew arms and legs. TL;DR: Mike isn't an evil asshole and he has depth but he's also been failed by the writers in a way people justify with fanon but not the canon text. Byler helps to improve his character, but he's not been written outside of his relationships, romantically or platonically, and his struggles with mental health get solved by the power of love or whatever. Don't get me wrong, people hating Mike is bad but acting like they just don't understand the show or are stupid is also bad in my opinion. Everyone is just trying to fill in the gaps left by his under-writing in the later seasons.

[telehxhtrash]

I know its a big debate but I am not a dudebro for thinking killua and gon are platonic. I have no problem with people who do at all, but I honestly just think they have a strong friendship, and I am for encouraging boys to have these types of bonds with each other ~screw toxic masculinity~ I like following your blog btw

Hi ! First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content even though I’m killugon trash HAHAH

Oh lord, it really is a big debate. I’m not calling everyone who doesnt like a romantic reading of killugon a dudebro, only the people who are vehemently against it because they say people are projecting and that there is no basis to our claims that hxh is queer work.

This is gonna be me ranting for a bit because it’s a subject that’s very dear to me so i’m very sorry in advance, it’s not against you, just a general statement !

I totally agree that fuck toxic masculinity. It’s so fucking toxic and men should be allowed to show emotions, affection and care openly without fearing for repercussions. And having portrayals of friendships where the characters are not afraid of sharing their love with the other in a totally platonic way is amazing.

However. 

There’s been countless representations of this type of relationship in media over the years. In every media, not only anime. I always cite the same example, but take Naruto who is the example that speaks to me the most. (ive never seen it so dont flame me if i say dumb shit). But from my understanding, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was a full on middle finger in the face of toxic masculinity. They shared a deep bond, pretty much like Killua and Gon’s. I know a lot of people shipped them because their relationship was borderline homoerotic, but in the end it was just a beautiful representation of a very deep platonic friendship. 

And when you’re queer, it’s heartbreaking. Because you’ve been projecting this entire time, for the work to tease you, to literally bait you into showing you inherent queer behavior only for it to say “haha lol jk” at the end is fucking rough. Especially when you’re young and questioning your sexuality, looking at relationships between two best friends and thinking “oh, this feels like I feel when I’m with my best friend, is this romantic love?” and then the work saying nope haha its purely platonic ! its rough. trust me. 

The community doesn’t have a lot of positive, healthy queer relationships to identify with. Especially in anime. Most queer relationships are labeled under the special genres “shounen ai” and “yuri” (both of these categories painting queer relationships in the worst possible ways ever btw, but thats a whole other subject). But it’s fucking sad. Because we deserve to see queer representation in works that are not classified as those genre. We shouldn’t have to dig into a particular genre to identify with characters : there should be queer representation no matter the genre, whether it be a shoujo, a seinen, or for example, a shounen battle manga.

And that’s why HxH is so important to the queer community. Because it displays just that. That you can have good queer representation in non shounen-ai genres. That queer relationships are normal and should not have to be classified under a certain category. 

A lot of queer people identify and recognize HxH as queer work, because of a few reasons. Togashi has always been interested in queer representation, having put queer characters in every single one of his works. There was a trans girl in YYH, a trans man in Level E, Alluka in HxH. Togashi also wrote several gay characters in both of these works. I always repeat myself on this, but Togashi also wanted to write a gay sports manga, but was turned down. His favorite manga when he was younger was a shounen-ai. So yes, Togashi has deep history and is very involved in queer representation.

Togashi is also very fucking smart. Just look at all the metas people are producing every day about hxh and understand how much effort togashi has put into his work : he’s a smart man, who makes conscious choices about everything he puts in his manga. So when you see the way he portrayed Killua and Gon’s relationship, and for now most importantly Killua, you know it’s not accidental. Togashi has put SO much subtext in his work about Killua in general, from his birthday being Tanabata to him wanting to commit a lovers’ suicide with Gon, and Togashi KNOWS how it comes across, he’s not dumb. He knows what those things mean, he knows that a shinjuu is a heavily connotated word, and that people, ESPECIALLY JAPANESE PEOPLE who have the cultural context, are gonna think “oh, maybe Killua is gay”. Because that subtext is intentional. And there’s a lot of it. If you haven’t read my post on the subtext of HxH, I invite you to do so because there’s a LOT of it. 

In short, HxH has the subtext, has the potential and has the one author that is not afraid of putting queer stuff in his work. That’s why Killugon is so important to the community, and that’s why a lot of people, especially queer folks, insist on the romantic reading of their relationship. 

Because it’s extremely important to queer people. Positive representation of queer relationships in anime is hard to come by, ESPECIALLY in the shounen genre. And sadly, because our society is drowning in deep internalized homophobia, people easily dismiss queer behavior in media as platonic actions.

How many times have I seen people assess that two people of opposite genders in an anime are in love only because they looked at each other once (take Ponzu and Pokkle for example). Or because they held hands. Our society is so quick to romanticize interactions between two people of different genders, but fail to do the same when it’s same-gender pairings. 

Straight people hand holding, kissing, blushing around each other, admitting their love out loud, looking at each other’s eyes deeply are immediately categorized as in love. But when it’s people of the same gender, people immediately say “it can be platonic”. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s internalized homophobia.

That’s why it’s infuriating to see people dismiss the subtext that Togashi has tried SO HARD to plant throughout his story. Because it’s there, and if Killua was a girl, there’d be way less people opposed to a romantic reading of their relationship. Because it’d be widely accepted that Togashi is writing them as a developing couple, no questions asked. 

Which brings me to my final point (promise, I’ll stop ranting after this). Sadly, the voices of the people who assert a platonic reading of a relationship are often louder than the voices of queer people who identify with the work. When confronted with an ambiguous relationship between a same-gender pairing, people unconsciously tend to choose a platonic reading of the relationship. Which is harmful to the queer community, because the voices of the queer people who identify with the work are silenced. 

In conclusion, yes, representations of deep platonic friendships without toxic masculinity are good, and very much encouraged. We’ve just had a shitton of those over the years, and queer people are craving for proper representation. Togashi is deeply invested in positive queer representation, has planted a lot of conscious subtext in HxH, and he’s the one author that would NOT queerbait. So people being insistent that Killua is pretty much canonically gay, and that it’s likely that Killugon will be a romantic pairing is not for the sake of mindless shipping. It’s because there are a lot of reasons to believe that this is Togashi’s intention.

And like I said, sadly, people insisting on a platonic reading of their relationship is unintentionally harmful to the queer community, because people are so quick to dismiss elements that make queer people identify with the work as platonic behavior, dismissing queer people as “wishful shippers”. 

There are plenty of reasons to believe that HxH is queer work, and while platonic readings of killugon’s relationship are valid, it sucks that it’s become overbearing in the anime community, to the point where outside of tumblr, people literally bully you for thinking that there’s a possibility Killua might be gay and in love with Gon. (trust me, i’ve faced a lot of people saying that it’s disgusting to label killua as gay)

So yes ! Killugon can be read as platonic. The queer community is just very adamant about people not dismissing Togashi’s subtext because HxH is the healthy, positive representation we need. It’s a beautiful piece of work that has the full potential (and who is most likely headed this way) to display a healthy, loving, positive canon gay relationship between two of its main characters. 

Showing that a shounen battle manga can feature a canon gay relationship, showing that you can be young and gay and what you thought was best friend behavior was maybe romantic and that it’s okay because feelings change and are hard to figure out especially when you’re young and queer !! 

And most importantly showing that unlike every portrayal of deep male best friends relationships in shounen anime that turn out to be painted as purely platonic, sometimes behaviors that queer people identify with ARE queer behavior, and not just platonic love, but romantic, homosexual love. 

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[himbo-beel]

I saw the aspec post and I'm kind of confused and wanted to ask since you are ace to help understand...

So from what I understand... ace and aro is one doesn't feel sexually attracted and one doesn't feel romantic attraction [I think]. But I'm confused when I see posts that says it's valid if those people want those relationships /intimacy.

I am confused. Does this mean if that desire/does not see that kind of intimacy, can aro/ace want/do those things? Because I thought it was the point those feelings weren't there.

I am sorry if I come off rude. 🙏 I like your blog a lot and you explain really well. I genuinely want to understand better because I have ace and aro friends but I'm not sure how to ask them this. Thank you for reading.

You don’t come off rude at all and these are really important questions to ask, actually! I’ve said I don’t mind explaining about asexuality, at least in the way I am since not every ace is going to be the same, because even though there’s more information on it it’s still a little confusing - even for me sometimes lol.

Now, I’m not aro, im demiromantic, so I can really only talk about the ace part but you’re absolutely correct that being ace means there’s a no desire to enter a sexual relationship BUT you’re also correct that desire has no part in wanting to have one!

Aces can have sex. I could be having sex right now as I’m typing this - i mean, after all, the parts are all there and they work. But I don’t have the desire or need or want to have it. So I don’t. Some aces do and it can be for all kinds of reasons whether because they’re comfortable with their partners and want to please them, because it feels good, or maybe because it’s a Tuesday. Being ace just means there’s a lack of horny. Doesnt means you can’t do the horny.

In my case, I probably won’t ever be doing the midnight tango and that’s just fine with me! I’ve never wanted to! I don’t have a reason to, and, with very very limited horny hours in my life, i probably won’t find a reason to! But I do want a romantic relationship! I can’t really tell you what a lack of desire for one would feel like…

As for aro, though, that I’ll touch on just a little bit because talking to aros is your best bet, there’s been a lot of talk about qpr’s - queer platonic relationships - that you should look up! Aros can definitely get into relationships because there’s a lot more than just friendships and romantic relationships out there.

[lairofsentinel]

that bi post is interesting- i guess i have a third pov tho. ive seen some people use bi in a "new" way, to mean stuff like "attracted to women and nb people", "to men and nb people" or "attracted to several genders but not necessarily all" and so on, but also to mean, yeah, pan. and ngl thats cool. i think bi's pretty much a neat catchall for multisexuals of all kind, a bit like how queer is a catchall for anyone not cis or straight, and historically bi even used to group ace people too.

i reread your tags three times and actually it seems that we agree- i guess im just tempted to say that while everyone agrees on the meaning of pan, some people however use it differently to reflect their experience better. but unlike most people i dont view it as a bad thing but way more as something great because people can talk about their experience without feeling bound by, well, limits and definitions and blah i guess ? and as a trans person i find this great and important, not transphobic

Hello there,

thank you for sharing your pov.

I mean, the “new” way sure has a lot to do with “in which country you live”. Here, where I live, people is not using bi-pan in any new different way. But I've seen/read certain strange uses online. [the funniest use and also the only one that annoyed me was, time ago, when some weird straight people started to say: “I'm bisexual, but I only like men/women”.... like... what? How that bisexuality works? XD, but anyway, I'm nobody to go as a gender/sexuality police. Pft, I can't even speak English properly in a discussion. xD]. Also, years ago, some weird people started to say that pansexuality included trans people, while bisexuality no, so they kind of enforced the concept that “bisexuality ” had a transphobic root in its own... which is stupid, since statistics shows that trans people has quite more chances to be in a relationship with a bi/pan partner than a gay/hetero one... so.... soooooo......really crazy the way people spread misinformation. 

The meaning of the tags... well... it's long: I can't be anything else but chill about the enormous amount of words that LGBT community has crafted along these last years, because sure, we all want to have the exact right word for us, to condense all our complexity in a single word XD. But let's be honest, no way that would happen, ever. So, until people “discovered” [or more like accepted] that gender and sexuality are a spectrum and are more complex than 3 or 4 words, we developed a lot of words along the way, and made use of the same word with several different uses, making of this world a more complex one [because we are never satisfied with our own :P]. And I'm not even counting on the fact of those “re-appropriated” words that were a slur previously, back in time, such as queer. Those words are a whole lot of mess. 

Two simple examples:

A friend of mine at work is a bisexual woman [happily married with her wife

Another case: I, for example, feel super weird with labels. I'm nb, I give a fuck to any word of any gender. But I live in a Spanish speaking country and.... the HELL with the strongly gendered languages... I keep jumping from masculine to feminine or using the “new” neutral forms with -e [that all puritans hate and fight me for that]. But still yet, I keep using the word gay [in English, because at least it's more neutral than any other], because for the world, I'm a gender that can't be hidden once I speak [you know, damn voice] and I kind of be attracted to people of the “same” gender that everyone attaches to me [I said it in that way, because I'm more like a demy-gay, but forget to use demisexual here, nobody knows shit XD]. So... the obvious, shortest way, and efficient way to get rid of that problem every time I have to deal with that [aka, some person asks me with a reasonable argument that doesnt make me to toss them away], it's the word gay. But again, not even that means what it usually means, in my case. But again, imagine explaining all this shit, all the time, every time someone asks me with good reasons?. No way, I'll get bored of all that jabber.

So, these 2 single examples are to explain that... well, LGBT identity words, today, are a mess. Especially if you start adding those trans-masculine and trans-feminine and a lot of extra adjectives.... to me it's more confusing to understand what that person truly is, but what it's clear with that is that such person has a complex identity that wants to be acknowledged. So, if I know this, and if it's relevant for some valid [aka non-creepy] reason, I would ask to understand exactly the shade they mean, so I can acknowledge them properly. Because every gender and sexuality is a mess by its own. We will never get one single word that can embrace it wholly. I know some lucky people got it, they are gay, and cis, or trans and hetero and they are super fine with that...and I'm happy for them, they don't need extra explanations for describe their genders and sexualities xD.

That's why my tags were like that. Pansexuality appeared some decades ago [it's a super young word], specially in countries that are not USA [which it is the country that everything usually revolts around, here in tumblr]. Pan is a super new word, that mostly young people would be more inclined to use. It's more meaningful for young people [maybe. This is not a must. More like an average estimation.]

It's like queer. The oldest LGBT people, with USA-background, will probably hate it to use it. They attached to that word a slur shade that pierced their lives, it's too harmful even to use as a re-appropriated word. Yet, young people love it. Specially people without usa-background. Some of them can't even fathom the hard history meaning behind it.  

Well, queer word, outside the history, is a whole mess in its own XD. What does a person mean when they say that they are queer? Are they gay? Are they trans? Are they nb? . Nobody knows. And it's ok, the clear meaning in that word is “look, I'm not cis and/or hetero”. And that's the way it works. I like to use it sometimes too, now that it has been popularised in the South hemisphere thanks to the influences of Butler. 

So, yeah, we agreed, anon. XDI tried to say the same as you in my messy tags. I wrote that because sometimes I find such a nerdrage about the **chastity** or the **purity** of languages with this mess of words, or the annoyance of people that don't know the 52 labels at our disposal to describe the LGBT experience. And I simply say that it's okay not to know all of that, and not to force or stress into picking one, because most probably, you will not get it completely explained in one single word, since words, despite being 52, are limited, and sexuality and gender is a whole mess with flavours, colours and shits, that—even worse—may change with time xD.

So... the most mature attitude I think someone can take about this mess is to relax about those labels, pick the ones they think fits better for them, and understand that everyone has their own gender/sexuality, and that label may not suffice, so, when it's relevant, it's ALWAYS important to speak honestly. Yeah, all this textwall could never enter into the tags. xD.

[stewyhosseini-bf]

okay adding a few more. I AM going to say a few things (under the cut bc it's long as fuck)

i think the most relevant slide to look at, actually, IS the 2nd one in the first post

bc i am very aware of the fact that most of this could be rationalized away easily, but I do also think that's kind of the point. We have confirmation from cast & crew that characters like greg & roman have been written ambiguously from the start, with greg being supposed to be gay 'until s3' (which doesnt mean he isn't bi for example, but just that they threw the idea of him being exclusively into men out the window with the comfrey thing, i guess) and roman being supposed to be bi from ep 1, them putting that on the backburner and then obviously picking that back up in s3, with mencken, mattsen, the personal trainer thing being mentioned again, etc.

So we know that characters' sexualities are basically fluid, can change in the course of the show. i mean we have jesse armstrong talking about other aspects of the show and saying that nothing is set in stone, and he gives himself the freedom to change anything later on. i will try to find the source for this, but i'm pretty sure it was an interview you can find on youtube, would appreciate if anyone knows which one i'm talking about and could provide the link, otherwise again i'll try to find it. anyway my point with this is that I don't and never thought that Kendall is 100% written as queer from the start, but I DO think there are very valid ways to read kendall as queer, based on everything I've already mentioned and will mention in this post (and some more stuff that I probably won't include in this one post)

so about the pilot script. obviously, it could be pointed out here that the whole 'getting fucked' thing is widely used in the show as a metaphor irt business. and could just be to solidify how homophobic logan is right from the start, yes. and the fact that the 'he' he's talking about is lawrence yee, the first openly gay character in the show, could support either side of the argument, i think (could be argued that Logan knows this and uses that knowledge to, in his eyes, emasculate kendall. But it could ALSO be pointed out that the first character kendall tries to do business with [see: my post about business being a metaphor for sex in the show, which i actually have more thoughts on but. couldn't get to, yet] and the first time they use sexual innuendos to refer to business is irt to yee of all people) (at that point it's also important to remember the whole 'i would give him a blowjob and cup his balls' speech kendall gives, also in the pilot, and then promptly feels super embarrassed about as soon as Logan comes into the room)

then about 3x9, now that's a whole other beast. idk if I ever made a post about it, actually, but to me, 3x8 and 3x9 have some of the most relevant pieces of dialogue when looking at kendall being subtextually written as queer.

in 3x8, we obviously have the whole 'are you queer? did you try to fuck him?' thing from logan. and then in 3x9, the thing i never see anyone mention is the 'i was looking to score' thing. and the interesting thing i found out through reading the script for 3x9 is that that was not in there. so idk if this was an on-the-day instruction from the director or a jeremy strong add-on. but what's interesting to me is that that phrase IS very vague. as a non-native english speaker, the only meaning of it I knew before looking into it was 'to have sex with someone' bc that's how it was widely used in other tv shows I'd watched, where i initially learned the phrase. looking into it i found that obviously it has more meanings, two of which are

so he could have just meant he was looking for drugs, sure. however:

a. why did he cut himself off in the first place? he could have not wanted to tell his siblings he was looking for drugs, but I feel like that would ... not be news to them, and I don't know if he actually would have a problem with saying that, especially considering he tells them he was high TWICE in the same sentence. Like, that's the thing that baffles me in the original script. If he censored himself before he actually mentions drugs, why would he then RE-ITERATE that he was 'fucked up' right after. it just seems like the thing he didn't want to say was something else.

b. if we look at this in light of the conversation kendall has with logan, just one episode prior (logan talking about the waiter and how he died - and this is the first time in a long time they've mentioned it in the show, the 3x9 convo being the 2nd - and him asking if kendall was trying to fuck the waiter, and whether he's queer) I feel like reading it as him meaning 'to have sex' gets more plausible...

In any case, it is vague. and with everything i've already mentioned about how they seem to deliberately leave certain stuff vague when it comes to characters' sexualities, this could definitely be one of those times

okay here are some slides from the doc

[flamewyrmz]

a late night rant from twitter im putting in one place, because its a trainwreck of several threads there. mostly copy/paste and still not proofread, but a collection of thoughts on gender, sexuality, personal identity, and love and support within the lgbtq community. i do really lay myself bare here so id like to ask that if you disagree or have criticism you do so respectfully and with that in mind, thank you <3 and if this means something to you itd mean the world to me if you shared it

dunno if ive said this here before but like. if you think you might be bi/pan but youre on the fence cos maybe youve never had a crush on a nonfictional guy or get more crushes on guys than on girls and you find yourself tied up in knots like "well im gay but im also attracted to nonbinary people unless theyre mostly woman-aligned but i dont wanna say im bi/pan because then people will think i like girls and like i like them theoretically but--" let go. just say fuck it! im bi/pan! 

try it out and if it doesnt feel right it doesnt feel right and thats fine and in the end no matter what youll have learned a little about yourself. this is actually my advice on any gender/sexuality dilemmas you might be having. go wild. try it out. see how it feels. dont feel like you have to confine yourself to something just because youve stuck with it for some amount of time. 

if youre questioning dive right into the deep end! no matter how it goes youll be a better swimmer in the end. its all not quite rigid and a little fluid anyways (for some more than others obv) so if youre unsure, man... go for it. its ok to backpedal

--

this is important advice to me because ive struggled with it multiple times in the past and this has only recently clicked and i really wish it had sooner. first it was with being... not straight in general. like i was actively dating someone of the same gender and i never considered that that meant, uh, im not straight. always "do you like boys or girl?" "uhhhhhhhhh. uh. UH" 

then with being in the range of aro/ace spect. then with being nonbinary! then with being nb but primarily male. and then goddammit im just a boy. accepting that God I Love Men And Only Men (and with it that i *wasnt* aro or ace in ANY capacity) and then, very recently (like up until a couple months ago. like im p sure this year. not 2017), going back on that and admitting i was bi. it is so so freeing to just say "fuck it" and test those waters!

hell, you find something you resonate with but looks a little silly? go for it! use those bun/buns/bunself pronouns. go with stargender! ace-flux demibiromantic? hell yeah rock that shit! it can always change and you can always decide its not right and go back! h4y dudes

--

all of that especially goes for teens who dont know what the fuck theyre doing. im only 20 yea and barely 20 at that but man i wish id heard this sooner

and please dont take that as me saying "well if youre a lesbian sexuality is fluid and maybe youre actually bi"! hell no. if youre a lesbian and you KNOW youre and lesbian and couldnt ever be anything else then rock on you funky little lesbian! but if you id as a lesbian but are teetering on something like "well im attracted to some fictional and theoretical men but not any real ones and maybe its just compulsory heterosexuality but im not sure and--" dont be afraid to try a different label. its all what feels right to you and theres absolutely no harm

--

people bash on like. """mogai genders""" and nounself pronouns and the split attraction model and all that and like. yeah! those things can hurt people! personally i struggled with the split attraction bit combined with how broadly people define the ace spectrum. it can be used to hurt. and it is used to hurt. sometimes its deliberate, sometimes its not. but the hurt is there. but its not inherently good or bad. 

and yeah, some of it sounds silly. hell, it sounds silly to me sometimes! but to some people hearing that label makes everything click into place, even if just for a little bit, and i take that very seriously. it is one of the best feelings in the world and i want as many lgbtq people (of any age) to experience it. 

for some people it feels right to zoom waaaaaaay in and section it into lots of little bits and for others its "fuck it! i dont know shit! im just queer!" and those are both equally valid (that words been thru 12 garbage disposals but i cant think of a better one) maybe you go back n forth and thats fine too! as long as youre open to it changing or being wrong it cant hurt and, like i said, its one of the best possible feelings to have it click like that

--

as an aside: being bi can *totally* mean "im attracted to men and nonbinary people are long are they arent primarily woman-aligned" or it can mean "im attracted to everyone fuck it" personally? i use bi over pan because i feel like it better encapsulates that i *do* have preferences (i say this all the time but God I Love Men) but ultimately gender doesnt really matter to me cos everyones cute and hot and generally attractive and im not leaving anyone out because im just a little more inclined to kissing boys. but thats me!

--

as Another aside: i do still to some degree identify with uhh this is gonna sound contradictory but agender boy? or more like boy agender? boygender with left none? i just dont personally feel like its worth taking the time to explain over n over. but it used to be, for me, n i dont regret that a single bit! i wouldnt regret that even if i *didnt* still feel that way in any capacity. honestly? 

i dont regret any of the ways ive identified in the past even though feeling stuck and cornered into some got a little harmful to me (and if youve gone through somethin similar and DO regret it and wish youd never heard whatever term you used thats good too. im very strongly advocating for "use whatever labels you want and if it dont fit it dont fit" here but if they did hurt you and youre still hurting about it i understand 100% just dont use it to pull others down. if it concerns you say your piece and let them decide)

--

this is personally a little hard to admit so bear with me here 

honestly? ANY sort of strong identity didnt start developing in me until i was.... 14 or so? and very slowly at that. like gender evened out around 18 and sexuality just a few months ago LMAO. but up until i was a teenager i didnt really feel much of anything re: gender or attraction (and the attraction thing is pretty normal for kids and even teens tbqh!) 

and i just.... didnt really think about it! i had This Name and apparently was a girl and i didnt really get what it was like to BE a girl but thats what people said and i didnt know there were other options so i went with it! the name didnt bother me either (except for when people made jokes about a Certain Historical Figure with the same one. just thinking about that i get tired) 

and when it came time to actually grapple with the whole concept of being *into* people i just kinda... slunk away! no joke until like 10th grade if someone started a rumor that i was dating x or y had a crush on me i would start to avoid them entirely. lost a friend in 4th grade that way but then in hs hed turned into a TOTAL DICK so no loss there. i think part of that was also people making the assumption that i was straight though? big shrug! 

i didnt even realize attraction was a thing i had until i got asked out and just kind of "oh wow??? that sounds so nice??? i feel the same??? yes??" and thats WHY i went thru varying aro/ace labels. cos it unfolded slowly (which again is totally normal if youre a teenager, so dont worry about it if youre going thru that. roll with the punches. and if youre a teen and youve got it figured out? thats totally normal too!) 

and the gender thing was similar once i learned that it was an actual possibility (especially being nb, and ESPECIALLY especially being agender) i slowly just... poked at it until i figured something out (fun fact: what set me off to finally go "fuck it im not a girl at all" was being stuck in an awful hair salon chair while my mom got a haircut that took FOREVERRRRRRRRR and i was having godawful period cramps. like i knew not being a girl wouldnt DO anything about them but i made that decision then n there n didnt look back!) 

and then i kept pokin at it and watching it like the seed id planted finally started to sprout and i realized i didnt actually know what kind of seed it WAS. i guess ive always been very nebulous in those aspects and its just now forming into something solid. like i said, its a little hard to admit and i... dont think ive actually talked about this in this depth before to, like, anyone? 

because the "oh ive always known" narrative is the only one you ever see in popular media and sometimes even from the community itself! and theres nothing wrong with having always known! but theres also nothing wrong with being like me! but i still feel a little anxious talking about it like it somehow means im a sham. 

hell, id even go so far as to say i WAS a girl as a kid! i WAS varying shades of agender and nonbinary and ???? as a teen, and i AM, like, 95% a guy right now! maybe in a few years ill be something else. none of those things contradict each other. things like that can change! its not set in stone (but like i said: for some people it is! or, like, set in slime that you left out for 5 years so now its pretty much a rock but if you really try it still squishes into something else?? none of these things invalidate the others! were all unique). 

i wouldnt say that at any point ive been cis or straight, cos even when i just went with being a girl and stuff it was always a little ??? but, yknow. even if i HAD been those things at some point it wouldnt matter to me? things just are the way they are and were the way they were

--

im making myself really vulnerable here and my thought process is a mess and i ramble and repeat myself and my memory and attention span is like 2 seconds and i dont proofread but. its important i think. i dont have a lot of followers and fewer still thatre active but... that really doesnt matter. 

maybe someone will retweet at least one of these messy, messy threads. maybe link it to a friend. maybe screenshot it and post it on tumblr [note: LMAO YEAH AND ITS YOU DUMBASS], or to keep for themself. if any of my words help anyone out even a little then it matters and honestly? then its the most important thing in the whole danged world. if even one person sees any of the things ive said tonight and it means *anything* to them, even if just "oh, im not alone in this" then ive succeeded here. 

i dont want any of us to ever feel trapped or alone because shit! lifes too fuckin short for that! its goddamn hard being anything but cisgender and straight! sometimes it sucks! like really sucks! there have been so many times ive broken down completely over being trans and felt like, for myself, its the most awful thing in the world. its why prides so important. its why community is so important. 

because even when the pressure of the world brings you down so low you think youll never escape theres something or someone there to take your hand and pull you back up, put you on your feet, and say "i know its hard. and itll get hard again. but i believe in you, and youre strong enough for this, and im here with you through every step". that goes for anyone but especially goes for us. and im not just talking about lgbtq youth here. all of us. which is *why* im laying myself completely bare here. 

most of this stuff? ive either never talked about or only vaguely mentioned. but im putting it out there. because there was a point where i needed it but didnt have it, and even if its just one person, i want to give someone this advice so at least they dont have to deal with the same stuff i did. and if youre reading this? i love you. im here for you. im my dms are always open and if for some reason they arent its almost definitely an accident and if you say something ill reopen them. 

and if youre someone who hates me? maybe even mutually? if it came down to it id let you come to me at your lowest moment, no questions asked, no judgement held, and at the end of it still be the same kind of enemies we were before and never speak again. there are some exceptions of course but honestly ill forgive a lot for someone who needs that kind of support. and if youre one of the people this applies to, i know youll probably never take me up on it. i dont expect you to. i dont expect you to even for a second be comfortable with that idea. thats fine. but if for some reason you ever need it, its there. 

i can count on one hand the ex friends that i wouldnt give that to and thats ONLY because theyve legitimately hurt me and left lasting damage (and for some of them? its mutual. and im sorry for that, regardless of how i feel about your treatment of me im truly sorry for my actions. that probably sounds fake and anyway i digress) 

and if youre a complete stranger? someone who follows me but has never interacted with anything ive posted? a mutual i havent spoken to yet? im here. and im bumbling, and awkward, and not the best at comfort but you can always come to me if you need someone. im only one man and im under a lot of stress but i swear ill do the best i can, even if its only reading and replying 3 days later and even then just listening and offer whatever gentle comfort or reassurance youll accept. 

because thats important to me. thats the impact i want to leave on this world. i dont ever want anyone to feel as small, as scared, as worthless, as alone as i have. im no fighter. im not going to lead any revolutions and hell im too anxious to even go to protests but im here for support. im here to help and heal. and thats important too

--

and if you listened to that? thank you. if you just skimmed? thank you for that too. if you shared it with someone? thank you (so much). and if you dont? thank you anyways, just for the time

just know this: i love you. i dont care who you are, if youre reading this i love you and im behind you 100%. im here if you need it. stay strong, do something that makes you smile if only for a moment. take that leap of faith. dont restrict yourself for even a second

i meant to go to bed at least two hours ago so goodnight <3 be safe, drink some water, if you have any kind of pet give it some love. take care of yourself. youre the most important person in your own world and never forget that, even if you dont think you are. even if theres something or someone you treasure above everything else. dont diminish your own worth! you are alive, and you are here, and theres nothing more important than that, really. the things you love matter more than anything else. hold them close

[dogstarblues]

so for my current project im writing a chapbook on the intersections of lesbianism and disability and theres so much there and im so new at identifying as a lesbian (i identified as gay[womasexual if you wanna be mogai abt it] before) and im worried that my experiences being lesbian adjacent for the past 3 years are not enough and that my possible asexuality is interfering with my understanding of myself but the possible asexuality is probably because of my fibromyalgia bc through my experiences with dating i came to only trust one woman to treat my body right but now i cannot even be fingered because of vaginismus derived of fibromyalgia so that narrows things down and i cant do anal play bc ibs has me hurting and my jaw gets tired from too much movement and my hands cramp up and my wrists hurt from repetitive motion so its like???? like i cant even enjoy lesbian sex and since i dont trust people im not physically attracted to anyone i dont think like i look at someone and my thought process is whether i want to share who i am and my time with that person rather than what i used to do which is use sex as a way to be close to people. so like asexuality? ???? like im not gonna stop hurting. so like is this permanent? sex being a nonfactor because of pain? the pain doesnt go away without morphine but like taking morphine just to have sex??? 🤨 😐 when the most sex i can do is probably making out and holding hands? do i even wanna bother?

like not to be all "is my asexuality valid" but is it real? this lack of physical/sexual attraction to anyone? this lack of sex drive at all? how permanent is this? like i feel like i should want sex, no? i was hypersexual before. i had a phase where i was fucking 5 times a day. but now im just....

so anyway, all this to say im insecure abt my expression of lesbianism (because queer sex is really important like people like to pretend it isnt but it fucking is) and im trying to shape my conceptualization of it in my manuscript through emotional suppositions and future scenarios. but i worry. i worry that its not cohesive. i worry that my experiences arent enough to write about. more insecurity. i just have to read more abt it probably. and also what abt gender? should my gender factor in? i wrote a whole book of poems on my gender but. maybe i should factor it in. the intersection of gender and lesbianism and asexuality and fibromyalgia derived of trauma. maybe that should be my penultimate poem.

my concerns with cohesion def stem from previous projects being tightly conceptual like my chapbook manuscript abt my anorexia and my book length manuscript abt my transness being inseparable from my blackness (still connecting to my indigeneity any way i can so i feel like i cant speak on it yet) like thats over 50 poems concentrated on one single subject. and this is a manuscript with different poetic forms. so like i feel like the lack of cohesion is partially because i do blank verse and various forms like is the subject good enough to hold it all together? will it flow? am i even good at poetry?

😑😑😑😑😑

[the-queer-look]

Just Ace

Name: Liam Age: 21 Location: Gordon Occupation: Student (Media) Sexual Orientation: Asexual Gender: Cis Male

I’m into dudes more than girls, and came out as gay to most people when I was sixteen. I had a clue that I was asexual, and clocked into it fairly quickly. I said to my teacher “I like guys, but I don’t want to sleep with them, I just want to be around them.” Since there’s such little representation of asexual people out there, there’s no preconceived notions of how an ace person should look or act. I’ve definitely found a behavioural shift since coming to terms with my identity. I don’t feel the need to be a certain person anymore, it’s freedom, I don’t need to be “that dude” anymore. A lot of my friends are first generation asian immigrants, with close ties to their parents, and hold – or are at least raised with – conservative values which are typically against the idea of queer culture. And I was the same, but now I don’t feel obliged to act accordingly.

Asexuality is jus the lack of sexual urge. For me when it comes to sexuality my brain just… doesnt. There’s this weird disconnect in that I understand that people have sex, and that I could have sex, but I feel like there’s better things to do with someone than have sex. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve also never had that craving. Being ace for me is a freedom, there are no preconceived notions of what ace people are like so no one expects things of me, but theres also no preconceived notions of what ace people are like, so I find myself being unsure of how to be. Am I making a good representation for myself and other asexual people? Am I going to drag our name through the mud? It’s worrying

Even though I’ve been out for five years, I’m still bothered by the pressure to just give up and be all of the straight person things that society wants me to be. And not having much out there representing asexual people means I think I could very easily just fade back into being straight and no one would say anything. It’d be so easy, but it would hurt too much.

I feel very uninvolved with the queer community, aside from my sister, there aren’t many queer people in my social circles, and I’ve never really felt the push to go out in search of them. I’m a very “keep to myself” person, and I feel like my continued existence as a queer person is enough of an involvement in the queer community for me.

I was talking with a friend who acknowledged my asexuality by… we were having this conversation about preferences, ideal partners and such, and he asked me “what sort of person would you like to spend large amounts of time with” and it was nice to have someone acknowledge that I’m not the same as them, but that it isn’t a bad thing. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I messaged them afterwards to let them know how grateful I was that they acknowledged that this was a difference and an actual thing, that it’s not some meme, but an actual, serious part of my life. Having someone acknowledge that this is who I am, and accept this part of my identity is a nice thing to have. It’s not super frequent that people validate me like that, so when it does happen, it means a lot.

Without the internet I wouldn’t even know that I was asexual. The internet as of now is already very important, it’s where I met the majority of my queer friends. The best representation I’ve seen of asexuality was in Todd from Bojack Horseman, it was good representation because it was just a part of his overall character rather than his defining trait.

full gallery on facebook.com/thequeerlook

follow us on instagram @thequeerlook

please contact us if you would like to be involved

[joshies-blog1]

im sorry if this isnt like rebloggable or you didnt want any debate(ignore or ask me to delete if so) but i thought as someone who is a transmed i could kinda hit some of ur points here??? just tryna be respectful tho :o) sorry this is long hehe

1) we dont try to be what cis people expect of us, instead binary trans people try to pass as the gender they desire to be because it helps calm our dysphoria. like id love to be able to wear skinny jeans, but because of my dysphoria saying my thighs are fat, and that i look like a lesbian, i wont wear them. another example might be a trans woman not wanting to wear tights/leggings until after bottom surgery because it could show off what they dont want(nicest way to put it)

2) there are truscum/transmed trans women too, and nonbinary people, and cis people. i dont remember urls very well but the creator of the ADNB(actually dysphoric nonbinary) flag is nonbinary, Blaire White and Miss London are trans women. every tucute ive seen absolutely hates the idea of cis people being transmeds, but i believe people who actually understand the struggle of being born in the wrong body are good people. i rather my therapist and doctors be transmedicalists too because that means ill be treated for my gender dysphoria. with this push that "you dont need dysphoria to be trans" doctors and the APA are now trying to agree. this will hurt everyone that is trans, or think they might be trans. someone who doesnt have dysphoria but thinks theyre trans shouldnt be given hormones, their 'brain map' is comfortable with their body and hormones change your body. so theyd become uncomfortable because their brain isnt seeing their body in the way it was comfortable as.

3) ok i cant say "none of us are rejecting any of that" because we have some bad eggs in the bunch. ive never seen someone be racist about black trans people tbh? thats not right. but feminine =/= female. what we're against is something like a "trans guy" who presents female. take Rin/gothfruits on instagram. they call themselves a nonbinary male, presents entirely female, and claims when they tried looking masculine it made them uncomfortable. if they start testosterone then theyll become uncomfortable because they dont have dysphoria. personally, i think theyre only saying their trans/gay because to them its a game, when i honestly only see a straight couple and a girl. but other people would say theyre doing it for the attention, because in todays day, a "queer" person who likes makeup is more likely to get a following than a girl who likes makeup. I think Kalvin Garrah's newer video hits better points about that than what i can say. and yeah, not everyone hates nonbinary people. most people respect nonbinary people, but dont believe in like 76 genders or queerfluid and think "its/it" pronouns are dehumanizing. they/them are very respectable pronouns and i personally believe that nonbinary/agender is totally valid. i can 100% believe in an atypical dysphoria that causes you to not want any sex organ or be in an androgynous body or form. idk here

4) the white stripe means nothing. a flag means nothing about the reality of something. take the "rabies pride flag" just because it was made doesnt mean anyone has "rabies pride". the "pedo pride flag" doesnt mean that pedophilia is right. a design truly means nothing unless its important to you. the gay flag is important to the lgbt community because it kinda just brings us together. but it was still made by someone it didnt suddenly exist because gay people exist.

uhhhh this was probably awful im so so so sorry if its difficult to read or if u didnt wanna read bc "ew dirty trscum fuck off", i just wanna be respectable here <333 hh oof

Sometimes i feel really bad for trusum because it seems they’re trying really hard for cis people to except them. By being the binary man by being what they think cis people want trans people to be. Also is it just me or are truscum all trans men ?? I dont think ive ever seen a trans woman be a truscum. But by them rejecting femminnie, fat, nonbinary, and anything that doesnt fit their ideal of binarilism of trans it really sets back trans people :-/ Like they say they’re only two genders but then whats the white in the trans flag ? Was that stripe for nonbinary people fake and made up ? Or have we just been wrong for years and not existed for years

anyways its 9am im tired and have smth to say

[seagreenflowers]

for your consideration this pride month:

A non-binary, bisexuals probably homophobic opinions on gender and sexuality

for starters, i’d like to say this is just my personal opinion and i don’t expect anyone to actually read this other than maybe one friend i have on tumblr and people i specifically send it to, but in the event that this blows up because ya know, it’s the internet: I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s gender expression, sexuality, person opinions, labels, or thoughts on the community. this is just how i personally view everything concerning LGBT from my lived experiences.

to begin, i think that there are two main opinions from people in and outside the community over the number of labels we use and they generally fall into these categories either: “we have too many, these fucking snowflakes” and “i don’t really care, you do you” there are very, very few actually “”snowflakes”” that use the terminology we’ve all seen and had opinions about. therefore, why is it still in use? why do they have their own pride days in the month? well, from what i can see, my best guess is the definitions of everything are very muddled and the minute differences are expanded upon in ways that simply do not make sense to me.

for example, the sheer number of words we have for an attraction to multiple genders, while they all have their own differences, why can there not just be an umbrella term and people describe their individual sexual desires to the people they need to define it to. just to make my case here’s the words i’ve found:

bisexual

pansexual

omnisexual

polysexual

queer

all of these words have a basic meaning of attraction to more than one gender that it is inconceivable to me why we need all of them. if there’s discourse around how bisexual doesn’t just mean two, then why does poly exist? and if there’s discussion about bisexuals not always have a gender preference then why do pan and omni have distinctions? to me personally, in a perfect world, we need zero labels, but how we live today, we need the labels. if straights and gays aren’t equal and we take away the distinctions, they’ll never be equal. but stemming from that, i have qualms with words like this that feel like preferences over an actual distinction in sexuality. because the argument from the community (which i 100% agree with) is that you don’t Choose sexuality, things that feel like Choosing demean the entire system. things like bi where you see gender feel to me like “when looking for a partner, i Choose based on gender” definitionally and maybe that’s a misinterpretation of the word choice because in dating and sex everyone has to experience choice, that’s consent, but really you fall in and out of want instead of saying “i’m looking for a 5’4 blonde girl that has freckles” because as much as you can have a wish list it will never be fulfilled in the way you intend because people don’t bend to specifications. and maybe that thought process of not looking for a gender or a set of attributes makes me pan, but that’s not how i identify, so this is where we get to the point. if people don’t identify with the words that most describe how they actually feel because there’s another word that explains them, why do the words exist in the first place!

this is why it took me 4 years to actually come to the conclusion that i was bi. 1. because of the sheer number of words to describe how i was feeling but 2. if bisexuals can have any split between male and female attraction (doesn’t have to just be male and female but for examples sake) if i am not split 50/50 that would fall into the realm of poly and omni. and 3. girls are cute but are girls like date cute or are girls just like delicate cute (but that’s beside the point)

now i think i continue to beat a dead horse if i go into discussions about asexuality and all of its subgroups 1. because i’ve proven my point with multiple gendered love and 2. that’s not my community i would get something wrong and that’s not my intention. but GENDER!! FUN!!

so anyway that i go into this is going to sound offensive and it will get kind of rude but it’s out of pure inability to comprehend most of this. if someone wants to educate me, go right ahead.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENDER IDENTITY AND GENDER EXPRESSION

gender identity is the gender you feel. the sex. male, female, non-binary.

gender Expression is how you interpret that label. things like demi girl and gender fluid feel in this category to me because you Cannot in any case change gender day to day. period.

you are allowed to dress more masculine and feel more comfortable masculine one day and feel more comfortable feminine another. that’s not your gender changing!!!!! that’s just PREFERENCES!!!!!!! that’s Choice!!!!!!

what i’ve always understood in my heart the way to tell if you’re feeling a shift in expression or in identity is these 3 categories: perception, privates, personality. the three Ps (i did just come up with this)

are you worried or uncomfortable with someone using a certain name or set of language that hints to gender (such as queen v king) [the pronoun discussion is for later i don’t find it appropriate to include it here] this is perception

do you dislike something being a part of your body, not because you find it ugly, uncomfortable, or unnecessary but because you Want the Parts of Another Sex. for example there’s a difference in “oh i wish i didn’t have a uterus because i hate periods” and “i wish i didn’t have a uterus because the thought of that being a part of my body makes me feel sick because i want *male anatomy*” that is privates

and finally, personality. just because you’re a tomboy doesnt make you trans. just because you like dresses or skirts as a boy, doesn’t make you trans. everyone’s personality and individualism is what makes this difficult. you’re allowed to have interests that are “of the opposite gender” that don’t make you trans.

and something that i feel is an important distinction and will lead us into the pronouns portion, and this sounds rude but it’s not, it’s the truth. there are a lot more people that claim ftm than mtf. there just simply are, and the problem with that arises with a lot of women are upset about the condition of being a woman in today’s society, with all the pressures, expectations, lack of rights, etc etc that they would rather be perceived as a man. they would rather be a man to avoid the constant taunting of women and as much as that’s relatable, being fed up with the human condition of womanhood DOES NOT MAKE YOU TRANS. all of the “she/they non-binaries” that arise today that have no problems with being identified as a woman in public, that have no want to change their physical bodies because they want the ones of the opposite sex, and act Like A Woman *are not really trans* because that demeans every aspect of what it Actually means to be trans and honestly it’s kind of insulting to be someone that experiences extreme gender dysphoria to just see people with the desire to be less of a woman out of, here’s this again, Choice, when really they’re mad about society. and oh boy is it completely valid to be mad about the conditions of women, and it is valid to identify as she/they or he/they. it’s just, the distinction between people that actually experience gender dysphoria and the ones that don’t like the way that boobs make the world interact with them.

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE NEOPRONOUNS????? i don’t get it. i’ve never understood it and i don’t think i ever will but like, bold claim, furries and otherkins aren’t Part of the lgbt community???? and i might be mislead on what neopronouns actually are but the only time i’ve seen them actually used are in cases with otherkins and the like wanting to be referred to as pronouns that correspond with their *preferred species* which is a whole other can of snowflake worms that i don’t have time to get into today but like,,,in my humble opinion, i feel as tho he she and they kinda cover the spectrum. you’re fem identifying, she/her. boom, solved. ur masc identifying he/him. lovely, awesome. you feel in between, they/them. great. excellent. you have kinship with both femininity and androgyny she/they (or vice versa he/they) but like IM NOT CALLING SOMEONE LIKE “”BUNSELF”” CAUSE YOURE A BUNNY. THATS NOT HOW LANGUAGE WORKS???? this is only a phenomenon of the english language because most latin languages DONT EVEN HAVE A THEY/THEM FOR EVERYDAY CONVERSATIONS. and we have the AUDACITY to come up with this stuff???? i don’t- i don’t get it. like i speak spanish (i’m not a native, i’m still learning so don’t roast me if i say something incorrect) and it’s nearly impossible to find a way to refer to yourself as a they/them because the words simply don’t exist. i’m lucky enough to be okay with he/him pronouns but in languages and cultures were every single thing you interact with is labeled with a gender there’s simply no time to come up with and incorporate things like Neopronouns when we can’t even find a way to express the basics in another language... and the whole point of the LGBT community is to be inclusive to everyone no matter their sexuality, gender, race, ethnic background etc etc but this is something that quite blatantly leaves out most of the World.

anyway, these are some of my opinions. feel free to ask questions and ignore typos. once again i’m open to education, but this has been my ted talk.