#quasirecovery

[maretriarch]

and they gave that child a cruel name...a name that means half-formed....quasirecovery

[justapurplecloudinthesky]

Lexapro weekaversary!

That means I can drink in "moderation" again! Not that it's done a damn thing the past 2 days. Super ready for my pysch intake session so maybe we can adjust these meds to something that WORKS.

[hungry-for-happiness]

I was almost there once, I cant get there again.  I probably put on 40+ lbs my first time around in anorexia recovery.  All i did was eat.  After all, thats what everyone told me to do.  My grandmother passed away and I promised her I would eat, and I did.  I went through extreme hunger, that lasted through the entire weight restoration process.  I ignored the mirrors, got rid of my skinny clothes, and kept myself busy.  I thought, the busier I was, the easier it would be to eat and not have time to think about the amount, time, calories, etc.  And it worked.  The ed thoughts by no means went away entirely but they were significantly suppressed as I gained more weight.  I was hanging out with friends again, going out to eat, being spontaneous, eating pizza, drinking after a full days worth of food, and growing up all at the same time.  I want to get back there.  I remember feeling the ed thoughts coming back, creeping slowly but surely back into my life.  I am not sure what the trigger was, maybe the celiac disease diagnosis or another broken heart, either way, I was falling into a relapse again.  Now I am in quasi recovery.  I am not truly living.  I want more, I want my life back.  I have been dealing with this for 7 years now, wasted 7 years of my life that I will never get back.  I will be using this blog to hold myself accountable.  Its time for me to get rid of this mental illness that is holding me back from everything.  I am ready to commit.

[wolfstones]

attempt to fakesmile through this hellish landscape of idk what im doing with my body/mind/body/recovery/ed/recovery/quasirecovery/brainfuck/helpme/this is TOO HARD. my brain reverts easily back to old patterns of thinking now that the scale is like woah Buddy look at You at this number settle down and now all i want to do is go back cancel reverse ugh. im not strong.

[coldconsumption]

back again after a long absence. fell off edblr bc I tried some kind of quasirecovery, actually still lost weight but im relapsing again for some reason. still considering full recovery but I'm back here.

[life-in-between-meals]

I made sure to eat all my calories today. I think I ended up around 2750-3000 in total. I feel so full. My stomach is uncomfortable and bloated. I don’t like it. This is my first time pushing myself to eat when hungry every time and also have a night snack. I don’t know how I’ll do this over and over again every day but all I know is I gotta just make it through tomorrow and that I think I can do. I miss quasirecovery and thinking I was doing all I could do. Being confronted by what you actually need to do is hard and tough.

[heartallfire]

looking for ed recovery blogs to follow!

reblog/like if you post any of the below

-ed recovery esp minnie maud/ed recovery that is critical of diet culture and quasirecovery

-pretty things

-positive affirmations and what not

-science + political + social analysis of eating disorders

[maddieleeyoga]

Hey Maddie! I was wondering if you've heard of quasirecovery and what your thoughts on it are? If you haven't, it talks all about it on the website edinstitute (.) org and I don't know whether to believe all this information, but it's a bit scary!! Thank you Sooo much, you're amazing!

I LOVE THAT SITE. when I read all of that information, it does scare me. But it should, not to sound harsh!! We need to be shook a little when it comes to this stuff, because quasi recovery is a real thing and its very dangerous. sneakily restricting or exerting more energy than you should for months and months and years and years is VERY DETRIMENTAL to your body and your well being. your body will become very adaptable to the starvation and energy deficit it is constantly in and become PRO at storing fat and slowing down the metabolism.  hormones and glands will become very unbalanced and it will take a lot of time and hard work to restore all of this. the point is, you are never broken, effects from restriction can always be reversed. BUT IT TAKES TIME. and the longer you put off full remission, the longer it will take to heal and have the body function healthily like it would a person who has never been starved. 

*it really needs to be known that eating less than required or exercising before you’ve had multiple periods and are completely weight restored (meaning no fluctuations) and are mentally healthy, its not good. its very easy to slip back into old habits. its dangerous for your body and it will only take more time to get back to normal the longer you are in this half way state. 

**this is also why I hate the term weight restored or why doctors magically pick a number to make you gain to and then let you leave and “maintain” on lower calories because thats not healthy!!! you must eat a consistent amount of at least 3000 calories until you NO LONGER have weight fluctuations and you have your period regularly. YOUR BODY KNOWS WHAT TO DO, with time your hormones and organs that regulate weight and fat metabolism and assimilation will work properly! ONLY WHEN THEY ARE FED LOTS OF ENERGY AND NUTRIENTS FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME, NOT UNTIL WEIGHT “RESTORATION”. this means you will gain over your body’s natural set point, BUT WITH CONSISTENCY IT WILL COME BACK DOWN

**SORRY I JUST GET REALLY WORKED UP BECAUSE IT MUST BE KNOWNNNNNNNN ITS VERY VERY IMPORTANT OKAY I LOVE YOU

[agirlnamedally]

Ally, thank you so much for answering my message❤️ It honestly means the world and you are so right, I guess I'm just so scared. Especially of gaining weight but everything else staying the same and still not recovering. And I have no idea how much is enough. I got a meal plan from a dietitian a couple weeks ago & she said to stop counting calories, but the plan is like 1700. Should I try to follow that as its a little more than what I eat now. Is that enough to get better? I just want recover❤️

You're welcome lovely, it breaks my heart to think of you hurting yourself like that, so I would love to help you stop. Something to ask yourself - would I rather the pain of growth, or the pain of staying where I am? The parasite in your brain is what's currently holding you back. That fear is unwarranted - nobody else in the world wants you to be this way. Your doctors, family, friends, future partner and potential children, even the rational side of your brain, everyone wants you to be healthy. A number on a scale is the most irrelevant thing in the entire world. As Jo Rowling said; "I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons."No, 1700 calories is nowhere near enough. It infuriates me that a practicing healthcare professional would promote that as a healthy amount for someone who has starved themselves for ten years. The recommended amount for HEALTHY people with no dieting history or damage to repair is 2000 (more if living an active lifestyle). On top of that (the general energy requirements for living daily life, studying, talking, thinking, working, walking, sleeping), you also have hundreds of thousands of calories to make up for from over those years. The 'extra' calories will go to things like your brain, your heart, your organs, all the things that have been slowly shutting down or giving you warning signals. Maybe start with 1700 for a week just to let your body adjust, but honestly you'd want to get above 2000 asap (remember, that's less than most REGULAR people with no damage to repair eat) and then add another 500-1000 at least for your healing. Soon enough you will probably become ravenous as your metabolism fixes itself - honour your hunger!! It is not 'bingeing', it's called reactionary eating or extreme hunger. It's super important that you feed yourself enough, so as not to end up in quasirecovery. If you don't eat enough, you'll end up restoring some small superficial weight, but not enough to help your body and certainly not enough to help your mind. Mental recovery comes second always, not because it's too hard, but because your brain is literally malnourished right now and incapable of producing healthy rational thoughts without sufficient fuel. While attempting to run on such small energy, the distribution has to be deliberately allocated. As much as possible needs to go into things like keeping your blood pumping and maintaining a functioning heart, so none of it can be wasted by the mind. Our brains burn a huge chunk of our caloric intake, but if you're depriving it then it literally will not work. Only once you have been consistently feeding yourself ENOUGH and for an extended period of time, can the wiring in your brain rewrite itself, overriding old destructive tendencies with new, positive and productive ones. I'd recommend finding a different specialist who can help you and give you the right information. Don't forget to speak to a mental health practitioner to aid in the mind's healing too 💛

[post-ana]

at some point i’m going to have to figure out...

how do i go back to my old city without falling back into that life that is probably effectively fine, but that i feel guilty for because really it’s obsession

but then it’s an obsession that is expected of us

it’s normal

most people feel guilty if they aren’t conscious of keeping their figure

i want balance so i can stop wasting energy on the redundancy of eating whatever i want and then restricting to compensate

and of restricting when at communal meals so i can binge later

i am supposed to want to be able to eat and run without those activities being about the currency of calories

this is not much of a conversation

i’m listening

i’ve been living with my family and eating the substantial and unhealthy food that is available because my primary concern is being able to do my job and not make too many mistakes

and i’ve got wildly conflicting reports on what i look like now and have no idea what i really look like

 i only know that i put weight on but i dont know if it’s muscle from hauling buckets of coal and constantly being summoned up and and down the stairs all day

and because when i first went over there i had been living on toast and stress, and walking everywhere

i dont want to go backwards

in terms of how i look

i dont give a flying fuck how you look!! you’ve gone backwards in terms of what you think is important in life there are more important things

you can enjoy running and your raw vegetables do you want it to be the only thing you enjoy though, and that working those things into a life that involves other humans and feasts and fun without having to conform those things to your template of calorie balance. without having to worry!! you have two modes, the ‘feeling pride at eating sturdy meals, cooked breakfasts and carby dinners‘ and the controlled ‘fruit, vegetables, carbless dinners, coffee, wine, chocolate, and running’ life. independance. you switch between them. you went through some pretty restrictive episodes in your home city. it’s probably not going to kill you. but don’t let the drive to go back to the independant life stop you from making the most out of this communal life. you’ve been living with people to whom you are responsible and for whom you are responsible, and are exposed to the thin ideal, social expectations, body shaming! you had eradicated that from your old environment! you are less in control in general there in your haunted forest in Scotland. you are hypoglycaemic less often, and when you are it doesn’t last long. you have produced some excellent art and writing. shine. do NOT bow to the thin ideal. do NOT affirm it when it is (inadvertently) advocated by the parent. the other parent is TRYING to ensure that health and energy levels is more valued than appearance. I’m serious. Yes it’s war.